Assassin’s Creed ladies’ Tinder profiles
Because Kassandra is a flirt, Soma has too pretty a throne and way too many rugs to not work in interior design, and Eivor can’t use phones for shit
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My whole blog is just practically incorrect quotes at this point, but I don't care because I enjoy doing them. :)
These ones feature Eivor and Ivarr with their two collective brain cells.
Eivor : *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Ivarr: *chugs entire bottle*
Ivarr: It’s perfume.
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Ivarr: So are we flirting right now?
Eivor: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU!
Ivarr: That doesn’t answer my question.
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Eivor : WHAT’S YOUR TYPE!
Ivarr: Anything, honestly, but blondes especially.
Eivor, desperately, as Ivarr bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE!
Ivarr: Oh! B positive.
Eivor: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE!
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Eivor : Violence isn't the answer.
Ivarr: You’re right.
Eivor : *sighs in relief*
Ivarr: Violence is the question.
Eivor : What?
Ivarr, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Eivor , running after them: NO-
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Eivor and Ivarr skipping stones on lake*
Eivor : It’s such a beautiful evening.
Ivarr, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
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Ivarr: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Eivor: Twelve, actually.
Ivarr: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Eivor: Yours!
Ivarr: That's right: no one's
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Ivarr: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Eivor: Ivarr, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
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