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#ability to change
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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mylittleredgirl · 1 year
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playing a new game where i talk about fandom using words that belong on corporate powerpoint slides like:
✨ we have to align our headcanons to authentically reflect our strategic mission and meet quarterly margin objectives ✨
sorry to everyone who understood that
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shamballalin · 9 months
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Teaching Children Freedom
The following parrots exactly what my new book, IN THEIR IMAGE AND LIKENESS is all about. Here is a kindred spirit expressing how teaching oppressive religions, superstitions and fear-based limited thinking harms, not helps, you and your children. The picture above is by Eric Allen. ∞ “Your Children are NOT You. The very moment you try to make them you, you have Failed them, no matter how…
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goldengirlgalaxy · 1 year
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Danny arrives in the DC universe and, for one reason or another, decides to help fight some bad guys. But he doesn't do it as Phantom or Fenton, oh no. He doesn't want either of his identities to get mixed up in all this nonsense and get traced back to him. So what does he do?
Crappy cosplay.
He's in Metropolis and Superman needs a little help? He's showing up in a blue tee with a paper superman symbol visibly tapped on the front. He's wearing blue jeans with red boxers over them. He's wearing a cheap mask of Supe's face that was clearly bought from the dollar store.
He's in Gotham? His cape and cowl is a curtain duck-taped into a barely passable hood with paper for the mask and toilet paper rolls for the ears.
Wonder woman? It's some kind of swim suit, put over his clothes mind you, and he has a wig that is clearly made of a mop.
He's showing up in bootleg merchandise, clothes that are the wrong color, accents that are made of paper and visibly taped on, armor that is made of cardboard and tinfoil, literal undergarments on the outside of his clothes, symbols put backwards or upside-down, costumes that generally look like he put them together in five minutes.
At some point, it becomes some sort of game amongst the Justice League to see who the cosplayer will dress up as next. They have a betting pool to see who's the next one to be cosplayed.
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hi i just came accross your st benezet's basement and i love it a lot, this is a really cool idea !!! is it just like, a concept or will you ever write a full story ?
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Thank you very much! Every story idea I post is fully plotted out, I just don't have the time to draw out the stories entirely as comics. I do draw out the odd story beat in my sketchbooks - here's Chang and Tintin's reunion at the start of the story I cleaned up.
Perhaps one day I'll draw out one of my stories entirely. I don't want my work to be stolen and sold by pastiche pirates...
Story post for St Benezet's Basement is here
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A change of trains, an unexpected companion on the way home
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obsidianbit · 6 months
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I know I joked about how there was no reason for Izzy to be shirtless in that scene (and I stand by that) but I think it is really interesting how he is bare-chested. His leathers are a part of his image and reputation. They are part of what marked him as Blackbeard's. But more than that, they represent armor - in taking off his leather armor, he is bearing his vulnerabilities, and more precisely, his heart.
When Izzy is training, he isn't in his room. He is in a communal part of the ship, where, presumably, any one of the crew could enter. When Stede enters, he doesn't become defensive at being found in a vulnerable state. Instead he says "I'm having to relearn the basics with one leg." He openly admits to his weakness. He is the best sword fighter, that is his reputation, how he defines his worth (in his use as an incredibly fighter), but he didn't lie about the struggle of having to adapt to one leg. He didn't even try to down-play it by saying he was adjusting or refining his sword fighting with one leg. He outright says he is relearning.
Then (the showoff) Izzy demonstrates what he has been practicing. Now, he has just said he is relearning it - we can assume that he was better at this before he lost his leg. He shows Stede (who, to be fair, Izzy would know would probably be impressed regardless) something he is still working on. Not something he has perfected.
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Then he turns his back to Stede. Without his armor on, having just admitted to a weakness.
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Even when he asks 'but what did he say about me specifically,' he is showing vulnerability. His heart (and great tits) are in the middle of the shot when he shows Stede that he cares what Blackbeard has to say about him.
The lack of Izzy's leather armor/vest, and showing his bare chest (is much appreciated) is symbolic of his trust in the crew and in Stede. He shows his vulnerabilities and his shortcomings, when previously he never would, for fear of the crew losing respect for him.
The crew has seen him at his lowest, and came together to support him, showing him that he was a part of the crew and that they cared for him, not just what he was useful for, which is something that Izzy has ever experienced before.
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This is not a man who expected kindness at his lowest point.
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This, however, is a man who has found purpose because his crew cares about him.
Izzy took off the all-black leather armor which defined him as Blackbeard's, and in doing so, he showed his heart and his trust to the crew.
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turtleblogatlast · 1 year
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AU starts here!
Previous | Next
Coming face to face with an inevitability you’ve been avoiding for so long is a harrowing thing.
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superbat-lmao · 19 days
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Damian Wayne stuck in a time loop.
It resets when someone dies, and since Damian is the youngest, it doesn’t matter how rocky his relationship is with the bat-siblings, each and everyone one of them sacrifices themselves for him.
And Damian is pissed off because he doesn’t understand why.
Grayson is obvious, he has made it clear that he feels affection for Damian and has made the most effort into integrating him into the family. Of course he would die for his little brother. And at first, Damian believes he finds this outcome to be the least acceptable.
There is also his Father, again, a logical expression of love. Damian can understand why his Father would die for him, even if he doesn’t want him to. Even if, in the first few loops, he wishes that anyone else would die instead. At least it’s a type of parental relationship he can understand in the abstract, even if it surprises him to see its true about himself. That even though he has several older brothers and is unsure of his place by his Father’s side, the man would do anything to protect him. It reminds him of his Mother, even though he’s sure if she were here she’d find a way for the both of them to live.
Brown is the first one to surprise him. They had worked together when Grayson was Batman and he recognized her competence, but he thought that’s all it was. A working relationship between professionals. A mutal, if grudging respect. He is shocked when she dies, how he had no clue she would go that far for him. How he refuses to let it happen again.
If Brown was a surprise, Cain was a shock. Damian thought of her as nigh invincible, unable to be touched. It was clear she was the best of all of them, that she had seen the hit miles ahead of him, had maybe even seen him brace for it. But she had chosen to let herself go down. He feels every bit his age as he begins to wonder if he’s even more powerless to stop this than he thought if his most competent sister chose to let herself fall.
Thomas was confusing. He was new, newer than Damian and not quite sure of himself. They rarely saw each other aside from school due to the mismatch in schedules. Thomas gave him a wide berth, respecting Damian’s space in a way his other siblings failed to do or intentionally disregarded. Damian didn’t think much of him. Couldn’t understand how Thomas hadn’t even paused, had taken the hit as if it was an unquestionable law of the universe. As if they were really brothers and not strangers. It was a sentiment Damian didn’t know how to return.
Todd was the worst. He had seen him, briefly, before he had come to Gotham from the league. His Mother spoke of him rarely, but with pride. He was skilled, if untamed. He avoided the manor and his brothers and their Father. The only one he usually sought was Pennyworth. That is why Todd was the worst. Because he avoided all of them. Because this family had already allowed him to die before and he had come back wrong. A painful reminder that their family has failed. And he fought so hard to remind them all of that failure, every way he chose to keep fighting to live, to prioritize his own life over their Father’s morality. Only to throw it away for Damian. To force him to watch how his brother’s second death shattered their Father and Pennyworth and Grayson in a way that Damian didn’t think they’d survive a second time.
Drake is incomprehensible. Antithetical. A cosmic error. Impossible. There is no love between them, no grudging respect, nothing. Damian can’t stand to look at the person who he feels is a disgrace to the costume Damian now wears. He is the one who dies for Damian the most. The one he can’t possibly understand. The brother he has the least time to question, who gives him the least answers as to his motivations. Who will both die for Damian and refuse to utter a word to him in the same loop. It is madness. Damian needs to prove himself above this embarrassment, and yet Drake chooses to be beneath him. To die for him. It is in spite of Damian’s skill that Drake dies, and Damian hates him for it.
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kaltacore · 3 months
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no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.
and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.
the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.
and none of them was celebrating.
mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.
and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.
for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.
but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.
the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.
i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.
how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.
and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.
it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it
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revenantghost · 3 months
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I just remembered that I had a dream where Tumblr Live was replaced by Tumblr Chess, and you could just pick a match with anyone, and people went nuts for it? Maybe I'm that much of a nerd, but that sounds cool as hell--even if it were Tumblr Checkers or something, idk, it sounds hilarious
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jojo-schmo · 2 months
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I wish I could tell the original artist that this drawing permanently changed the entire direction of my life in 2009. I want to shake their hand, look them in the eye, and admit I would not be who I am today if this drawing didn’t exist.
EDIT: Original artist is @ivynajspyder !!!!
#‘but jojo’ you ask. ‘that seems a little ridiculous’#‘don’t you think that’s a little much?’#no. NO. IT IS THE TRUTH.#little baby middle schooler jojo had just gotten squeak squad. the first kirby game she ever owned.#and she loved it even tho there’s a lot she didn’t understand#like who dedede was supposed to be or why copy abilities existed#I asked for the game because my roommate at swim camp had it and she told me the plot of the game when I looked over her shoulder to watch#(the plot she told me was completely made up btw she said kirby had to save the dimension from dark overlord and did not mention the squeak#and said stuff about meta knight being a bad guy idk I realize now she was just weaving a tale of her own haha)#SO I WAS NOT AWARE OF THE LORE. I had only played the one game and it’s the one people don’t like the plot of#but meta knight completely intrigued me#what was this blue sword wielding little kirby dude doing here??#so I’d replay his boss fight over and over again just to get that glimpse at his face#and I’d sit and wonder what it all meant. who was this mysterious swordsman??#and the boss fight was hard!!! it cost me to beat it at the time but I’d still do it to see his face#AND THEN AFTER LIKE A YEAR OF THIS it occurred to me that there was a kirby wiki online#so I found all the pictures of his face and my little fangirl-raised-by-deviantart mind ATE THIS UP.#and then I look up that one fateful google search……… the one that changed me#meta.#knight.#maskless.#and this drawing was towards the top of the results#I went feral about a fandom related topic for the very very first time#I lost my MIND. HOW can a character be so cute AND COOL??! I was a changed child.#I consumed the hoshi no kaabii anime like it was the only piece of media on earth#I drew comics about him. I made my first kirby oc ever to go on a grand adventure on him.#I filled my notebooks with kirby art to the point my mom was like ‘jossie. you REALLY need to branch out. these are just orbs.’#and now I am the kirby artist I am today. so yes. YES. this drawing did change my life.#thanks for reading. and thanks to the original artist. I tried to find them to link but nothing. so if you know pls tell me#THE END!!! and remember! your art makes a difference in people’s lives even if they don’t say it to your face!!!!
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olive-riggzey · 1 year
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I blame this post for making this dumb idea spawn in my brain
Because now I’m convinced that Temenos actually doesn’t realize what a twig he is, like a small dog that barks at much bigger animals on the other side of a fence. I DUNNO-- (Also this was my first time doodling like half these characters so there’s a lot of improvising haHA)
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appeypie · 10 months
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refs for my skyward sword prequel thing that ive been thinkin about for a whileee...
most of the details are in my head but there's a little bit about them on my artfight page ^_^
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sapgoon · 5 months
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the vision has been elaborated
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yasur-sketches · 4 months
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Redid my portraits of the ninja
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