#a. they get so big that i dissociate OR

[rbtlvr]

(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)

i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!

okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again

your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #little kid with a big death wish #my art #forgor all my tags its ok ill come back later <3 anyway #god theres legit so so so much more i wanted to say but i cant get. the words right augh #i kinda tried to put some of it in the comic though so. yeah. the emotions anyway #idk idk i just have a Lot of feelings abt this fic and how real it feels and just . man. it hits so so hard /pos #just... the fact that dw leo has been through everything he has and is capable of recovery and living. even if he doesnt want to live just #yet. hes getting there. makes me feel like i can too as cheesy as that sounds lajfd;lajlfkl #anyway ive rambled enough i spent ten (10) full days on this comic i am setting it loose into the world. be free #suicide attempt cw #dissociation cw #<- just to be safe. ask to tag if theres anything else lafj;dljsafkl

[bpdamn]

so y‘all are telling me that i went from not being able to leave my apartment without having a panic attack to working as a barista and content creator (for the café) - i‘d kms just thinking about putting myself out there a year ago what the fuckidyfuck happened

#i know working as a barista isn’t a big deal for most people #but it’s a huge deal for me as i wasn’t even able to go grocery shopping without dissociating or having a panic attack back then #there were days where i just accepted that i will not eat cause i literally didn’t have anything at home #and as i said i couldn’t get out of my apartment for the life of me #so ye it is a huge step for me lol #like i still very much can’t breathe omw to work cause PEOPLE #but apparently once i‘m there i‘m doing good cause i even got asked to be the manager 💀💀💀 #and.. i got called extroverted #PEOPLE THINK IM EXTROVERTED?? #personal

[lovelaceisntdead]

This is how I would do my make up all the time if I wasn't a coward.

#I'm OBSESSED with her obsessed #chappell honestly has been such a big part of me embracing my hyperfemme side this year #i love looking repulsive to straight men but SO sexy #i want to go do this make up right now. but i am dissociating a fair bit and also i don't think i can get up #maybe tomorrow i will do it. #when i move out of my parents house it's literally OVER for all of you. full dyke potential will be reached BELIEVE #Chappell Roan

[batz]

realizing its almost been 6 months since top surgery:)

#frank.txt #despite all the complications i had w healing im rlly happy w how my chest looks:) #ALTHOUGH. ONE BIG COMPLAINT #i used to use my bras as an extra pocket for my phone or lighter or whatever. but now i dont wear bras and therefore have no extra pocket #:( u win some u lose some :( #anyway all shirts look awesome on me now AND i can wear t shirts w funny text or image ans ppl wont feel awkward reading it:) #also the scars r fading rlly well! they almost blend in w my skin completely! (keyword almost. theyr still visible atp) #the way the scars r shaped is interesting bc theyre like a U shape. but bc of that when i inevitably build my pectoral muscles #the scars should blend into the shadow caused by thr muscle. i also dont have a Completrly flat chest bc im fat:0 #tbh my surgeon did rlly well . i have a lot of problems with him bc hes kind of a dick but from like. idk an artistic standpoint hes good #but the doctor standpoint hes Uhm. well i lost a nipple and had severe infection due to denied antibiotics and lack of aftercare #BUT. the lost nipple isnt visible and it looks normal now somehow AND. i didn't die from the infection so. I mean #i just had to spend christmas with a fever of 103 LMAO #HONESTLY THO i would do it again EVEN if i knew i would go thru hell bc this surgery fuckn saved my life holy shit #i didnt realize just how much i dissociated from my own body bc of dysphoria. now i feel more in touch with it and happy!:) #also now i can Eventually get that chest tattoo i wanted for like 7 years lmao #erm yippee:)

[starbuck]

What if my anxiety melted away and everything was fine, actually.

#guys. i’m okay. i’m fine. #it’s actually happening #i’m getting on the medication that might finally actually help me with one of my chronic conditions #i turned in the big scary assignment and i’m really proud of my work #something REALLY HUGE AND GOOD happened at work that i’ll be announcing soon #and like. suddenly the world doesn’t seem so bad and overwhelming and scary… #i’ve been feeling so hopeless and beaten down and dissociated from myself #and then suddenly driving home from work today i remembered that i am capable #and that no matter how much there is to be done - i can and will do it #i am strong and i am smart and i have an amazing team by my side #and we fucking HAVE this man! #i can’t believe i ever doubted it #it all makes so much sense now #there is still SO much to do and it is still A LOT #but people are hearing and supporting and loving me through it #and that is exactly what i need #bless you all and good night!

[blujayonthewing]

here's hoping I can continue to improve getting back in touch with reality and the flow of time in the coming year

#the thing is-- I know a big part of the problem is feeling isolated from others and from the flow of the rest of the world #because of. you know. covid. I'm not gonna list all the specific factors (again) but it Continues To Be A Problem For Me #but I hope to at least TRY to do whatever I actually can to pin myself back into the world instead of floating in a void at all times #this year was better than last year. I don't have huge swathes of time just 100% lost to dissociation this year! #it's hard when like-- I know the structure of Get A Job would help! I know Socialize In Person More would help! #but I have a car again now so maybe I can at least go Do Stuff more even if it's by myself instead of wasting away on computer aahah #me @ me touch more grass I'm begging you #anyway. happy new year y'all I hope it brings us all closer to whatever we need #about me

[dissociationswagcompetition]

I went and threw together a voting "button" if youse wanna vote for us during the @ultimate-poll-tournament >:3c

#STILL SUPER FLATTERED WE GOT NOMINATED FOR THAT #misc #mod jetfire's turn to fight #i do not design buttons normally so sorries if it doesnt look v good this was just for the sillies XD #Hard to make the text decent sized since dissociation and competition are big words XD #If we get past a couple of rounds I'll find a way to get a physical button with this print #We don't have our poll up yet! But! If I'm reading the bracket right our poll will go up against flagwars tomorrow

[the-old-man-has-the-phonebox]

Hey besties I gotta meet one-on-one with my professor and basically tell him my sob story tomorrow, please keep me in your thoughts.

#I can never get a read on him so idk if he’s a grumpy older guy or if he’s just so far tenured that he’s just dissociating at all times #like I wonder if he’s Like Me #in the sense that people thought I was mean and intimidating but in reality I was just quiet #and the rbf. the rbf played a big part.

[unopenablebox]

now that im no longer at work i can post about how genuinely tipsy i was for the last hour of work

#went for midafternoon drinks to celebrate my friend's big deal fellowship award #forgot that i have so much stopped drinking that i get for real tipsy on one cider #also forgot that the godforsaken wasteland of the campus bar only sells alcohol. like you can't buy soda or anything #it's just beer and cider. #so then. i had to go back and plate some cells. which i did perfectly well but while slightly dissociated #also while i was there [friend 2] showed up and we talked a lot about the new twists in the nightmare abusive advising situation #in their lab. and i got very mad. and forgot i was drinking alcohol #box opener

[autistic-shaiapouf]

You know how in mob psycho you can see the percentage counter for how close mob is to absolutely losing it

#i think the weather getting hotter and more summery is dredging up a lot of shit again #on top of the job search being dubious at best #on top of the unresponsive roommates and me talking politics at work (in a good way) and going MAN my home is #not meeting my needs #on top of the room itself being too small the fridge not big enough to accommodate 3 people #half my shit disappearing in the fridge as things get shoved wherever #on top of the current job stressing me past my limits #i dont think i really considered every single factor until i nearly started crying at target while looking at home goods #bc yeah.. yeah i do want home goods but don't have a fucking home large enough to accommodate them #i am feeling rage well out of proportion for what i am experiencing at this very moment but with all factors considered #it seems much more reasonable #it is genuinely so out of proportion I'm getting knocked into dissociative territory; outsourcing my anger #anyways. guess who bought more candles. i came for hand soap. and a drain snake to unclog the bathtub #we've been trying drano to no avail so I'm taking matters into my own hands #everything is starting to burn off and now I'm just. tired. i am doing my best with what I'm being given #shai speaks

[pohlepen]

frankie & who????

#“ ⍀ face. « i’ll be honest / we’re all liars. #( OOOOOOOH U WANNA TAKE HER FLYING SO BAD ) #( you could tell her your shit is going down and she starts singing like riff raff in that one vine ) #( frankie the second there's a lil bumpy patch on ANY plane: WOW. that was a big one! ) #( she should have been a flight attendant ) #( part of her is that she has an IMMENSE ability to compartmentalize any sort of negative feeling ) #( or ig i should say perceived negative feeling because it could be a useful feeling sometimes like ) #( is there a fight flight freeze fourth option? ) #( dissociate??? Lmao idk ) #( frankie is a good man in a storm and i will preach that until the day i die or she's dies which comes first ig lol ) #( anyway! She likes to fly and she likes turbulence and will hold your hand if you're scared and buy you a drink ) #( her doing x*nax and at*van definitely doesn't help her be reactionary but- ya know lol ) #( sorry this is all I've got tonight folks my brain is poorly but it'll get better! #( sending y'all love and vibes and shit 💓 )

[minniti]

traumaversary week go party it’s your birthday

#literally dissociation hell last night #i just gotta get through this week i just gotta survive #i’m so anxious and it’s so annoying #i’m in a cool art therapy support group that meets thursday and i have a big gun emdr lady now but bro #when does it end #i’m begging it all to end #(the memories not me lol) #my face #ptsd posting

[oscill4te]

link to this article... it is very good. its written by someone who lives with DID but i think it can be helpful for anyone who deals with structural dissociation. "The parts of the personality form together to create a unified, meaningful whole... And I, and all my parts, want to write some great prose with my life. Parts are not the problem: parts coming together are the solution."

#just thinking about some past therapists. hmm. #i think its a sign that a T does not know much about dissociative disorders if they expect you to have overt presentation #its not a circus show. most people with dissociative disorders probably lead relatively boring lives- most are freeze types after all. #parts all represent something important to you- a survival skill. a chain of memories. schema with its own thoughts and memories + feelings #a lot of dissociation is the hiding and fragmentation of self/knowledge/memories under many layers and barriers. #but its also easy to get so lost into that.. you are more than parts... you are the sum of them.. ur also a part of this great big world #thats why this article is so good. pathologization of dissociative disorders is #a big issue. its so so easy to fall into it. its so easy. you see it a lot especially online; and im working on this myself. #txt #osdd

[gabriellovescandy]

FINE I'm buying a concert ticket to see Måneskin

#yes I just heard gossip and was convinced #also their next concert in my city is on friday so it's perfect #i mean. it technically is out of town and don't really know how to get back from that at midnight. but I'll think of something #also. i'm already thinking of outfits. #the only thing i'm sad about is that it's a concert where putting on fun big makeup would be so cool and would look great with my outfit #but i don't do make up :/ #also FINE i'm probably finally buying a chain to put on my pants #50% for this concert and 40% because i saw an edward elric fanart where he had a chain on his pants and looked great #10% because i always thought they were cool obviously #stuff #maneskin #if anyone wants to join me it will probably be my first concert alone actually i don't know how i feel about that #i would like to go with someone every time i do something alone i dissociate a lot and i would like to enjoy this concert :/ #dammit why are all my friends broke #*'on A friday' it's not THIS friday it's actually in march (from the second tag)

[girlwithfish]

guys what if i started smoking cigarettes. or just got a hobby. or became obsessed w one person. hahaha

#me when i dont have any maladaptive coping mechanisms anymore really #🫠 #Idk what to dooooooo #today i cleaned my room and i finished this profile for this thing im doing cuz im meeting w a person from a staffing agency tmrw maybe #they can help me find a job and i watched a movie w my mom bc i dont spend time w her much bc i dont enjoy that much but that makes me feel #guilty and i vacuumed and i think thats it i did more things but cant remember #i did not geto ut of the house or exercise #I just have so many things i want to do nd its overwhelming #bc im like i want to get back into reading and also guitar and also exercising every day and also #ik i just need to break down things into sizeable achievable tasks nd start small instead of having big vague goals that #ill never achieve yes ik SMART goals blablablabla but its overwhelming #and im also trying to unwind more and like actually relax vs dissociate bc i thin kthats qhat ive been doing all month so i never actually #relax #🫶 #my anxietys been a lot better this week its kinda scary idk what changed

[garden-eel-draws]

Me, having finally regained 5lbs after years of struggling to maintain weight: my ass has finally returned from the war...

#eel speak #i'm at a weight where accidentally losing 10lbs without noticing (bc chronic dissociation fucked me up) is big dangerous deal #feels like i've been trying to climb a ladder with greased rungs in order to get it back #it doesn't help that i can't find any weight-gain diets tailored to my allergies and doctors think 'scarecrow' is a healthy weight #if you weigh a patient that tall and they weigh that little then you shouldn't respond to their happy comment on their weight gain with- #'oh your shoes are just adding a little weight‚ don't worry!' #like. ma'am. you commented five minutes later that i was positively swimming in that hospital gown bc i'm so small.