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#a reminder that i'll never be enough.
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always enjoyed the Chess Set In The Foreground perspective framing used here
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now also noting like, huh, a chess set in a general store just visited by marigold competitors who killed one of their guys and are now on the way back from their rendezvous point w/suppliers
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#and now to take a big sip of ''nothing suggests lackadaisy ft. people stuck / things repeating / death begetting death''#not like i suppose we're going to be hit with ''& then mordecai and viktor sat down at the defiance field office for every passing gangster#played chess and then went and properly slaughtered the lackadaisy crew and arbogasts at the funeral home / barn w/car-sized holes''#good reminder though that Viktor Is Now Active....left off with elsa managing to give him a phonecall; for good measure#lackadaisy#i have no lengthy Mitzi Mordecai Murder Mystery Musings posts for today (b/c not enough fresh musing insights) but no prommies#epiphanies are on their own schedule#quite the chess piece arrangement seen there too lol. can't tell if there's any Classic Configuration in the game b/w viktor & mordecai#not a chesshead and never was lol strategy games??? who's that#or i'll play them but not strategically. invented Flick Chess for indoor recess in elementary school#you flick a piece across the board and whatever you knock off the board = you took those pieces lmfao#though not like that has Zero strategy. thinking of my day enjoying tiddlywinks research#imagine my delight revisiting all this material like oh yeah the little pic of freckle tiddlywinking#let's squop; boys#i'm also supposing that chess sets? checkers sets? and etc. would be common general store features; like phone usage....real general....#but like; what; are we expecting this Not to bring a response from marigold lol#got the nervous twitch but they're like ''ah it's fine. cost of doing business''
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iraprince · 1 month
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
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sleepsucks · 6 months
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Not sure if you really do asks but I wanted to know; how you do your little comics?
They’re so high quality, with the painterly style and all, and you seem to make so many of them!
my ask policy is i'd like to do em better but generally if i dont reply instantly or have an easy answer i'll let them gather dust in the box and fail to ever get to it
luckily for this one i have an easy way out since i can just point you to the post i made on that a while ago which is pretty much entirely still valid
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damnedhampir · 7 months
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btw if i see you interacting with my ex i'm going to block you. i'm fucking tired of seeing his url on my dash. i want him completely out of my life.
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flowercrowngods · 5 months
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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comradekatara · 5 months
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I love all the amazing outfits you've dreamt up for Katara in your art.
My question is, do you imagine that post-war Katara is super into designing and/or making her own banging outfits, or is there a cohort other folks that are ensuring that their hero is as well dressed as possible?
thank you i love drawing her in cute outfits it is like therapy to me. and oooh what a fun question!! we know that katara is a capable seamstress (yet another parallel to zuko lol) and that she loves fashion, so i definitely think that katara would buy all sorts of fabrics to design/sew/make her own clothes with, but also that she would receive a lot of gifts, some to her taste, and some that she sees fit to hand off to suki or zuko instead. i made a post in the past that was about how toph would foist all her fancy clothes onto katara, which proves symbiotic for both of them (it's a shame that i legally cannot draw toph in her adorable tang dynasty hanfu because i do really love that style, but my workaround to that particular quandary is simply by drawing other characters in a cute tang dynasty hanfu instead).
i do like the idea of katara having a team of professional stylists, just because it is truly what she deserves, and i think that she would enjoy being evaluated by the firelord's official tailors who take her measurements once and then proceed to send her a new wardrobe every season, but she herself would not consider it necessary or even feasible to hire a professional team. she's not royalty after all, nor is she the kind of wealthy earth kingdom family that prioritizes such matters, either. no, in truth, her personal team of stylists consist primarily of herself, her doting gran gran, and aang, who often makes her jewelry, such as friendship bracelets and funky earrings. but one of katara's core precepts is the importance of looking cute on a budget, so it truly is a testament to her ability to serve looks no matter the occasion that she can really just pick any old thing out of her closet and still manages to be an absolute fashion icon.
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...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
#looking through my drafts and seeing this post unfinished and knowing in my core I'll probably never actually finish it .#but strangley enough i don't hate the way it looks with only those 2 panels ? beauty in simplicity or something idk#woe unfinished post be upon ye#honestly probably wouldnt even bother posting it were it not for the fact i was hit by a sudden wave of sadness#by being reminded out of the blue that alex really does just . lose nigel that night#enough deep level analysis my brain is all out i think . but just the simple fact that nigel dies that night#and alex has to go on for the rest of his life post-ending carrying that grief and loss with him#i know we talk about how nigel isn't truly 'gone' in the sense that they're one now and jack is supposed to be an amalgamation of the two#a product of their union and 'consummation' that night at the yard#but he's still gone . no matter how much alex might try and follow in nigel's footsteps#no matter how hard alex tries to tread that same path nigel did to feel close to him#he's gone . they will never have that moment beneath the house ever again . and alex has to go on living with that#anyway . normal again . imagine dropping a song rec like i used to. aha . go listen to sick like me by in this moment.#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#edit : THEY'LL NEVER HAVE THE MOMENT UNDER THE HOUSE AGAIN !!!!!#thinking about the moment where nigel sits across from alex after he shoots john#and the contrast to the scene in the crawlspace . nigel is trying to connect he is trying to get alex to see to understand#but now alex is closed off. something may be irreparable broken between them#do you think it was the moment where nigel starts to despair . to plead . realise that he needs to find a way to make alex truly see#i need to get some sleep
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kaelidascope · 19 days
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Hello, thirsty anon again. Were these tweets from the bee fandom? I hope not. I've been in the bee fandom for a very long time at this point and I can assure you the overwhelming majority of us are thirsty hoes. We will never complain about too much smut.
But more importantly, please write and publish what YOU want! Do not let a bunch of perpetually online twitter teens or ao3 trolls or even tumblr randos like me dictate what you write
Yes it was 🥲 I've rarely read fics for other fandoms so a lot of the backhanded criticism comes from here. If it's not blatant kink shaming its criticism of flow or whatever else ppl want to be mad about. It's why I put so much heavy content warning and tag my work the way I do. Even if the tags do my work a disservice because it makes it seem worse than it is, I'm doing literally everything I can to warn people that if they are not into XYZ, then this is NOT FOR THEM
But what can you do 😭 hope for the best plan for the worst I guess!
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sskk-manifesto · 3 months
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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todayisafridaynight · 8 months
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there's normal thought exercise questions to be had about fave charas like 'what would your fave do in X situation' or 'does your fave like Y why or why not' but the most important question to me i could ever answer about my faves is 'do they like shadow the hedgehog and is it purely ironic or do they have all 326 route titles memorized'
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boyapologist · 5 months
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but anyway, my conclusion to this is that I'm going to die alone
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albatris · 1 year
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I have a full day tattoo tomorrow, maybe 8 hours, I'm going to get so much rental car writing done on my phone! (lying)
#best of intentions#but probly I'll be 2 sleepy and out of it lol#gotta get up earleeeeeweey#tomorrow i will be working on the tag on my murderboard titled#Nat Finch had the single most distressing week of his young life so far#<3!#his eyes bleed in front of his mechanic! he has a panic attack in a doctor's waiting room! he has sudden murderous cravings! the#mysterious force that's plaguing his body and altering his organs starts doing freaky agonising shit to his stomach and STOPS as#soon as someone calls an ambulance on nat again and people try to help him then STARTS AGAIN immediately after they leave#like it doesn't want to get fucking found out and is sentient enough to know it's being observed :)#nat is just like#why does the sun hurt make me hurt. what is this new allergic reaction. why is everything so loud all the time. wow these#intrusive thoughts sure are rough. why am i so hungry all the time no matter what i eat. whats with this fucking#perfume i keep smelling on everyone its so annoying it smells delicious and keeps reminding me how hungry i am :(((#whats happening to me :(((#lmao looks like someone didn't read the blurb before they signed on to be protagonist <3#but yeah lmao he goes to beg his mechanic not to charge him extra but midway through the conversation#he coughs up blood and his eyes start glowing and bleeding and get kinda red and demonic lookin n whatever n#his mechanic is suddenly just like UH ACTUALLY NEVER MIND DONT WORRY ABOUT PAYING HAVE A NICE DAY#aka ''whatever the fuck this guy is i want nothing to do with it''#n nat is just like#aww that was nice! i dont really get why he did that but I'm not complaining! maybe he just thought i was a bit down and took#pity on me?#<- has no idea he looked like a fucking demon sent straight from hell
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running-in-the-dark · 6 months
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my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.
unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.
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slippery-minghus · 3 months
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thinking about joining a local jiu jitsu class.... i'm SO not athletic and have always had a pretty negative relationship with sports, ambivalent at best, but i WANT TO feel good in my body and maybe even learn how to use it a little better? maybe even get a little stronger?
there's a free "see if it's for you" class i can do tomorrow and the guy was super nice.... so maybe. just maybe an autistic fat queer like myself can go out in the world and get a hobby that involves moving my body. maybe
#i'm excited in the way that comes with things i never follow through on#because fuck what if i don't like it? what if it's hard to integrate into my limited routine even if i do? so i never ever try#but it's a new year and i'm going to be fucking 30 in a month...... and i'm BORED#i'm BORED AS HELL with my life right now!!!#i want to get out and DO THINGS but how the hell do i find things? where do i go? what do i do?#i'm walking distance from this gym (and the bros i've seen leaving are always super nice)#which is a major factor in accessibility for me - i never go to gyms i have to drive to#and it's kinda expensive but.... i can afford it??#i'd been doing electrolysis for months last year and THAT was definitely more per month than this and i always made ends meet anyway#and i'll have my new HSA for the year that can pay for the first few sessions when i pick back up with it in march#fuck#i'm just so tired of not having enough energy to do the things i want#and there's a good chance making my body stronger will fucking help with that??#and if these people are even halfway nice enough and i can get in the groove of a routine.... well. maybe i CAN make a change#fucking hell#i need to remind myself a lot that a big part of unmasking and being authentically me is choosing to live and act by my values#and i VALUE being brave and trying new things- not bc i'm forced to. and now that i'm an adult i'll be allowed to quit if i don't like it#my parents aren't forcing me into this. and i'm old enough to make my own choices and stop running from things that remind me of theirs#my strategy has always been Avoid Things My Parents Would've Made Me Do but they're not fucking here?? and trying a physical activity isn't#saying that they were right to push me like that as a kid. i'm old enough to try it on my own terms now.#and that it's a sport doesn't mean its to punish me for having the body and mind that i have. NO it's to grow them.#and i can try and maybe even enjoy and keep with this new thing and not have it become a jail sentence for daring to express interest in it#i can try something else if i don't like it (not a jail sentence) and i can stick with it if i DO like it (also not a jail sentence!!!)#this is not basketball-softball-swimming-gymnastics-band-choir—all of the things i was curious to try as a kid and was forced to keep at#for years as 'punishment' for having expressed curiousity and then finding out it wasn't for me#(and SO much of it wasn't for me bc i was treated exactly the same as i was everywhere else as a kid: shamed and ignored!#NEVER welcomed and taught!!!) well it's DIFFERENT NOW. bc i'm fucking almost 30 DAMMIT#and i'm not in that shithole town anymore where every single person had a chip on their shoulder. like. there's something WRONG in that town#real people are so much nicer.#narrating my life
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avocado-frog · 7 months
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Happy WBW! In honor of Idalia and her looming approach on the SouthEast US, what is the most dangerous natural threat to your world?
(man i read that at like seven this morning first thing when I woke up and forgot about the hurricane and thought that there was like. some sort of dragon headed)
Well uhhhhh in new hampshire 2017 there was a severe rain and snowstorm. apparently
I guess there's also flooding over there. I live 41 hours away. I don't know
There was a snowstorm chapter so I'll go with snowstorms
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navramanan · 1 year
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I go through these short periods of time feeling very okay and good even only bc i distract myself from what pains me until it catches up again and the cycle repeats itself
#i think it's verrrrrrrrry close to catching up again after i've had normal 2 weeks lol#so many ifs and buts and would things be better had i made a different decision lived in a different place or time etc#but i'll never now i'll always only have the here and now and the unchangeable past#and the very incertain scary future i'm trying so so so hard to be hopeful about but seeing things as they are right now. i really dont kno#i can only fake it to some point. i cant fake it till i make it. i'll fall apart countless times and then wont make it anyway#i feel like. i feel like all the circumstances i've been in have all always been against me#like i'm the only unlucky one among the people i know#i try so so so hard to remind myself that people who seem to have it so much better have their own problems too#but then also i remember something i wrote down once as a teen. the phrase you typically hear#''i have been battling (?) with this problem but am lucky enough to have a support system / loving friends etc''#and idk how right i am with thinking this way but no matter what problems you have.#it's the toughest thing to lack deep connections with at least 1 person ideally like 3 i guess bc it's such a fundamental thing#you know having someone you can ALWAYS turn to without feeling bad and you know that they can and do turn to you too#and i do have a few wonderful friends i love so so much but i feel and know that no one needs me like i need them#every friendships feels so fragile to me. no one depends on me turns to me for advice or to vent etc#and when i feel like i need to do any of those things i cant turn to any of them#there's still inevitably a sort of disconnect i feel#and it terrifies me that i'll never find someone i connect with on a deeper level and it's mutual and we both can depend on each other#and there are no boundaries no shame no unspoken words#i dont know how true any of my feelings are but. but yeah#nesi rants
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