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goliath-de-senfina-sango · 4 years

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Local Teen Unaware of how Weird Family is, Local Goth Decides To Go All In and Learn Magick, Exhausted Teens Do Fun Dumb Teen Stuff

It was the day after they’d taken down Skulker, and Tucker had to collect up the armor. Danny helped him, of course, and he flew home with some help from his favorite ghost boy. They landed in Tucker’s room, and Tucker gave Danny a hug as soon as the suit was set down. Danny returned to his warmer flesh and blood self and hugged him back before they got to work searching for a port to plug Tucker’s laptop into. Thankfully even the dead respected the U in USB and they manage to connect. Before long, however, Tucker’s mind wanders from his code-breaking program that’s now hard at work with Skulker’s head and to his situation with Sam. And considering what all he’d learned about Danny’s family so far, he might as well ask. “Danny do you have access to transparent solar panels?”

“Yeah, all the windows at Fenton Works are solar panels - I think they run at uh 50% efficiency. Why?”

“Danny, that’s like, the exact last piece I need for my solar-powered car design.” Tucker was tempted to inform Danny of how amazing that fact was, but he knew Danny wasn’t a fan of being extraordinary, so he’d let it slide for now. “Now I just need some way of building it.”

“Well, you have the design itself saved right?”

“Yes…” Tucker wasn’t sure where this was going, but he was hopeful that it’d be a place he liked.

“We can just print out the design at my house?” Danny shrugged, as though that was obvious and the most simple thing in the world. “We have like, a pretty big 3D printer, it’s uh modular, and we use scrapped metal from junkyards that we liquified as filament. We can print a car pretty quickly.”

Danny was going to say something that made Tucker fall completely in love with him one of these days, the idiot. “Danny I need you to take me to this 3D printer. Now.” Skulker’s head was left where they’d put it on his desk, the rest of the suit stuffed in Tucker’s closet, and the pair flew off to Danny’s house.

When they arrived at Fentonworks, they turned to one of the other buildings on the block and set down there, Danny taking the time to unlock the door and everything. “So this 3D printer you guys have…”

“Well, Dad calls it the Fenton Fabricator. See, there's a theory that went around a while ago when 3D printers and fabricators first started, it was the Recursive Loop Theory. It goes like this. You buy a 3D printer. Mid-range, sorta useful, but with enough detail and strength that you like it. But then you need something a bit more detailed. So you look online and you find a set of 3D models for a second printer. This one you can build on your machine, and with only some minor parts you can make the more detailed printer for a tiny fraction of what it would cost.”

Danny took them to a set of stairs and Tucker was so focused on his friend he nearly missed all the art Danny’s ever done hanging all over the walls.

“So, you can make more detailed parts. And you find designs for a bigger printer. It's modular and sorta rough, but it needs those detailed parts. So you can then build massive somewhat detailed pieces… and so you do. And now, with your 3 printers, you find designs to a fourth. Bigger, better, more detailed, it's another generation, and you can print it off your current designs. Boom, bam, rinse and repeat. Eventually, your diminishing returns drop till you can’t make a more detailed printer, but at that point, you have one hell of a machine, particularly if you have a couple of crazy hackers building your final design as a custom project. Course, it’s not quite that easy. We had to fabricate a lot of weird and unique bits for them in other ways - well, my folks and their friends in the Secret Scientists did anyway."

“So the Fenton Fabricator?”

“Is a massive, customized high detail 3D fabricator that can even print metal and glass, yes.” Danny turned on the lights as they entered a large underground workspace. Tucker saw the fabricator and felt he might’ve gone to heaven. It was a massive aquarium tank, easily twenty feet from corner to corner and at least eight feet tall. Above it, hanging like a mechanical spider on segmented green and red limbs with shiny metal joints and points, was a motorcycle sized 3D printing extruder. Tucker could see a set of lasers for dust printing, a pair of high-heat high-speed extruders for wires, several dozen smaller legs with colors and specific grades of wire, all of which fed up and around the room to spools of plastic and cylinders of dusted metal.

“There are hidden parts in the walls with directed gravity manipulators and some arms kept out of the way until needed for assembly-based stuff. I think Mom and Dad built a car or something down here recently. The canisters are all refilled completely.” Danny shrugged, moving around the lab and grabbing up papers - notes about what feeds to use, hints for setting things up. “I can help you connect up and plug in your stuff - though you’ll have to leave it here so that the thing can print. If you’re legit making a car here, it’ll take about 2 days to finish printing it out at all, let alone assemble.”

“Danny, after I finish with that, we are so using this place for other projects together, do you understand me?” Tucker saw doors that likely lead off to other rooms in the lab and wondered just how Much of Fentonworks there was. “This is too amazing.”

“If you say so, bro. Here, let’s get started. I can help with setting up the print file.”

Sam had to say, going through the bs of school was beyond irritating when both of her friends were barred from the school until they could get around the weapons the Fentons were installing. Paulina’s gratingly loud personality was especially difficult to tune out that day, and Sam found herself feeling proud of her self control in not throwing something at the shallow cheerleading idiot when she started going on and on about the upcoming spirit week.

Once school was out, Sam grabbed the board that Danny apparently made for her after he finished Tucker’s, though she wasn’t sure how, and put on her helmet. New, magnetic boots planted firmly on the board, Sam pulled out her phone, put in the address of the Skulk and Lurk, and activated the Nav AI that Tucker had managed to make an app for to download. “One of these days Tucker is going to overwork himself into an early grave.” Shaking her head Sam took off into the sky, and no amount of gothic reputation could keep the smile off her face or prevent her from cheering. “Woooohoooo!” Who could possibly blame her? She was flying . There was nothing more awesome than this that she knew of.

When she arrived, Sam had her board hover itself up to the roof, where it was less likely to get snatched by someone who thought it’d be cool to snag a hoverboard. Walking into the store, Sam took off her helmet and grinned. The Skulk n Lurk was one part book store, one part poetry reading area, and one part coffee shop. It had the gothic, occult theme down pat with black, blue, and shades of purple being the only colors to be found around the store. Heading straight into the books section, Sam managed to flag down an employee and nudged him in the arm. “Nice mohawk, Chris, I see you’re branching out.”

Chris turned around, hair dyed a brilliant blue and his clothes all pastel shades of purple and grey with a bat-shaped nametag pinned on his chest. He smiled and elbowed her right back. “Yeah, just got it done the other day. How’re you holdin up, Sam? Parents still trying to push you into being a prep?”

“Such is my curse.” Sam sighed and leaned heavily on Chris while he laughed. “But, that’s not what I’m here for today. Think you can help me find some books on magick?”

“Cursing people is wrong, and will always go wrong for you, I hope you know that.”

Sam rolled her eyes, standing up straight. “It’s not for cursing anyone, Chris, it’s for something else.”

“Hitting that cheerleader with a love spell is not the way to go about getting over your crush on her.” Chris smirked and turned away from her, walking steadily while Sam scoffed and scowled at him.

“That’s gross on two fronts. A love spell sounds ridiculously creepy, and I don’t have a crush on Paulina of all people.” Sam made a gagging noise and Chris laughed yet again.

Ludicrous notions about cheerleaders aside, Chris lead Sam to a section about magick and left to go help another customer while Sam browsed. She held her hand up, letting her fingers brush over the spines of the books as she read their titles and stilled. There was a vibration, warm and far more humid than any bookstore should be and humming so much like Danny and Agatha and even that piece of trash Grovsner did when she was close. It was a feeling that she hadn’t really noticed until now that all of the ghosts she’d encountered shared, however few of those there were. The tiny hairs all over her arms and the back of her neck stood on end and Sam grabbed the book.

Roots, stems, rain, warmth, leaves, petals, heat, crushing cold, withering emptiness, life granting rain and growth . Sam dropped the book and just barely bit off a loud swear, staring at the cover. Magick: The Life Blood of the Earth. “Well. Danny can see weird shit, I guess I can feel it. Being that close to the portal must’ve done something to me.” Picking up the book slowly, Sam waited for any weird feelings to hit her again. When none did, she grinned slowly. “Let’s see what I can do with that.”

Danny takes some of the time after fighting Skulker to relax at home, get his schoolwork done that was emailed to him, and figure out a plan for working around the school's new anti-ghost security system. It had been two days already and he was coming up blank. Of course, it's at dinner that Danny thinks to ask his parents. "Hey Mom, you said the Fenton Finder works by keeping track of a ghost's ectosignature, right? What is that, exactly?" Jazz, as she standardly did when Danny instigated ghost-themed rants, looked as offended as one might have had their mother been described with every cuss word in the dictionary. She stabbed her chicken alfredo while holding this look for 5 continuous seconds without blinking.

Mom smiled wide and ecstatic. "Well you see, Danny, an ectosignature is the frequency of electrical signals running throughout a ghost's body, shaping its form and directing its actions."

"Like brainwaves?"

“Exactly, hon!” Mom reached into her pocket and pulled out a macaroon, which Danny devoured immediately. “When a ghost manifests outside of the Ghost Zone, its ecto signature is a signal being broadcast from the Ghost Zone into our reality. Since ghosts are 4-dimensional constructs made of exotic matter that of which exists beyond our standard perceptive abilities, a ghost can receive this ectosignature from just about anywhere on Earth or beyond. Like the best cellular reception in the universe.”

“Like any signal though, an ectosignature can be tracked! And that signal can be disrupted and blocked!” Dad only spoke in exclamation points Danny realized some time ago. He waved his fork around in presentation at the blueprint that his mind had likely superimposed on the air next to him. “The Fenton Thermos™ uses charged ectoplasm and what I’ve coined as Fentonite to isolate any ectoplasmic mass contained inside of it from its corresponding ectosignature by creating a four-dimensional enclosure! The filthy ghost is still charged with the ectosignature though, there’s a centralized network of energy that allows the ghost to immediately take on its form after it’s released.”

“So the ghost is conscious within the thermos?”

Mom shrugged. “As conscious as a ghost can be, sweety. It’s not an actual person or anything, just a static imprint of what used to be a person’s thoughts. Like an A.I.”

“The Fenton Finder™ used scanners specially made to detect ectosignatures that are on our satellites up in space! It’s also how our security system works, though that works off of scanners here in the house!”

"So is there a way to track down ghosts by their specific ecto signatures? If you can track the general signals maybe you can create a way to lock into a specific one."

"Mm, I suppose we could! That'd be useful for tracking down that scum that attacked you and friends! We've got the blueprints for the ecto signature scanner down in the lab somewhere if you wanna try the idea out, son!"

"Will do, Dad. I'll tell ya how it goes." Danny grinned around his chicken and pasta. He had a game plan now.

After dinner, Danny raced downstairs to print out the blueprint from the computer - his father stacked the blueprints in an infuriatingly chaotic way that Danny hadn't the patience to sort through - and then ran through the door on the left. Behind it was a hallway into a tunnel, one that lead Danny to the alternative lab under the building right next to the house. Hopping into his wheely chair, Danny slid over the linoleum floor to his work table and laid down the blueprint.

"Alright, I can work with this. A signal can be tracked, and it can be isolated. Which means that My signal can be isolated and tracked specifically." A smirk crossed his face. "Which means the scanners can be set to ignore my signal. Perfect!"

Danny slid over to the laptop connected to a second Fenton Fabricator, glad that his parents were always thorough enough to make a back up of everything they did. "This should be done in no time. Then Sam can help me test it and Tuck can- speak of the devil." Danny whipped out his phone and hummed, tilting his head at the simple message his best friend had sent him.

FriarTuck: Hey Dan, almost fin breaking the security in Sklkr's suit. Bout to crack this badboi open n make it mine. Muahahahaha! Hyd?

"Ugh, stars, I don't wanna think about that asshole." Danny shot back a quick reply and set his phone down, finding a notebook he typically kept around. Writing in a code only he, Tucker and Sam knew, Danny got everything down that he could. "Skulker has been a major set back in my plan to prove not all ghosts are evil to Mom and Dad, and a few other weird developments made themselves known. I can now see everything in the lower intensity ultraviolet spectrum 24/7 instead of having to concentrate, as well as the electrical currents running through everything; I can somehow see my emotional connections with people I'm close with and use those connections to influence their emotions as well as read them clearer than other aurae." He stopped, taking a breath and looking over what he'd just written. " Mierda , ain't that creepy?" Danny pulled on his hair a bit while he wrote.

"Joining that on the list of creepy-ass things about Danny: I can reach across that link to everyone and pull on their love and affection and all that and use it to heal myself. Stars, that's such a gross way to look at everyone's care for me. Just a fucking- a bandaid? A free trip to the nurse in a minute?"

Turning back to the parts being made, Danny huffed and dragged his nails against his scalp a touch too roughly. "Physiological changes in my ghost occur when Tucker and Sam are in danger; Canines grow into fangs and according to Sam my voice starts to echo as though it's coming from everywhere. Thankfully a check in Tucker's mirror proves that the changes are temporary. Reaction to my temperament? On that note: being a psychoreactive exotic material, the ectoplasm that makes up my ghostly body reasonably reacts instantaneously to my emotions, but it seems to be enhancing them as well. It's either that or maybe puberty, but I have a feeling puberty doesn't make you violently angry at the slightest provocation and likely to turn any ghost you see into a splatter on the ground." Danny groaned, closing his notebook. "I fucking Executed Skulker. What the fuck? Why didn’t I just suck him into the thermos?"

A ding from his phone and Danny snorted.

GardeningClaws: Hey Star boy, don't go angsting without us there to hug you. We will know and you will pay the price.

"And what price is that, being buried in a pillow fort?"

GardeningClaws: do you know how many pillows I have in this house?? Do you think, like a fool, that I won't use them against you?

Danny laughed, sending a quick 'fair point' before heading to the door opposite the one into the house lab. Behind it was a room with rows of lockers, each holding three sets of suits. Danny didn't need them though. At the far end, there was a large octagonal metal rim, blast doors sealed shut within.

Opening it up to just the right coordinates, Danny watched the doors pull back and felt the building charge of the portal's startup. For a fraction of a second, Danny was filled with a bone-deep fear that gripped his entire body and held him stock still. With a thunderous crack, the fabric of space-time was folded around and torn, and Danny relaxed, staring out at an expanse of white and grey. Opening the blast door, he let the void fill him up and spread outward to chill his bones and freeze his veins. Skin blue, eyes and freckles green and his fluffy hair snow-white, Danny flew past the event horizon and gasped silently at the sight before him.

The moon is so much more beautiful when you can look with your own eyes instead of through the lens of a helmet visor.

Sam, smartest of the group that she was, called Danny and Tucker both to head to her house for a horror movie marathon. “After what we’ve been through, none of these B rate movies are gonna scare us.” It was so close to inarguably true that the boys both shrugged at their phones and headed on over. Danny came down from the sky in that space where everything was heat and impossible colors, everything around him highlighted in a panorama view that almost made him dizzy. Landing in an alleyway, Danny checked to make sure he didn’t see anyone around him and took a deep breath. He folded himself up, cold edges practically trapped within him tugged and bent until the brilliant moonlight that bled from his form retreated into the center of his chest, light and freezing cold as it hummed in an offbeat pulse next to his heart.

Pulling the hood of his jacket over his head, Danny jogged out of the alleyway and down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. He looked around the neighborhood properly and hummed, wondering how he never put together that Sam was rich when the address she’d given them ages ago was very obviously in the rich part of town. “Stars, we’re really just that oblivious aren’t we?” The stars in mind, Danny cast his gaze up and smiled at the full moon that greeted him, counting the tiny dots of the stars around it while he walked. Thankfully, his odd kaleidoscopic vision seemed to extend to his human form a bit and his foot froze mid-step as a car drove past him at an intersection. “Sweet mother of the gods, why can rich people not drive right?”

When he got to the gates of Manson Manor, Tucker was there typing away at his phone. When he looked up Danny waved and grinned, pointing a thumb at the huge mansion behind the gate. “This is ridiculous.”

“It’s just so much . Why does anyone need that much space? How do they keep it clean?”

“If I meet some butler named Alfred I’m going to eat your hat.”

“Are you sure you wanna make that bet, Danny? This is looking Batman-ish.”

The gate opened up before Danny could respond to that and instead, he nudged Tucker’s side before jogging toward the door. Sam was there, opening it before Danny could trip on nothing and faceplant into the mahogany or whatever expensive wood the door was probably made from, and he instead landed on a soft carpet. Tucker nudged his foot with his shoe and Danny groaned, resigned to simply laying there for the rest of his life. Two pairs of hands lifted him up from the ground however and Danny laughed, getting up properly.

“You can’t just let me wallow in my shame in peace, can you?”

“Of course not,” Sam scoffed. “If you’re going to be ashamed, I have to be there to make sure it’s appropriate. Now, c’mon!” Sam dragged Danny down a few halls, and up some stairs, followed closely by Tucker.

“I need to make a map of this place so we don’t get lost the next time we come to visit,” Tucker muttered, and Danny nodded. When Sam opened the door she was headed for she let Danny go and grinned at them like a cat that’d eaten the canary. Walking in, Danny felt his jaw drop and took a moment to soak in what he was seeing. “You have an entire movie theater in your house?”

“I know, it’s grossly excessive and we absolutely don’t need it, but-”

“Sam, what the heck are you talking about?” Danny waved a hand in the goth’s face and snorted when she swatted at him. “This is awesome! We can marathon every Dead Teacher movie here and it’ll be like when we went to see it in the actual theaters but better !” Danny pulled down his hood and hopped over one of the chairs - of which there were two whole rows - and plopped himself into the soft cushioned seat with a laugh. “The only thing that could make this room better would be if you had movie snacks.”

“Well, good thing I have a popcorn machine right back there full of fresh popcorn, a cotton candy machine, and ordered us pizzas.” Sam grinned, sitting next to Danny with a bowl in hand full of greasy buttery popcorn, and Tucker sat on his right. “What should we watch first?”

Halfway into Dr. Sleep, the pizza arrived and three laughing teens had to pause the movie and pull themselves together from the heap of giggles that they’d become. “Oh, oh stars, that hurt , laughing so much hurts!” Danny leaned on Tucker while Sam leaned on him, the bowl of popcorn practically forgotten next to Tucker. After a few minutes, Danny took a deep breath and patted his friends on the back. “I can grab the pizza - I can fly, so unlike you two I can actually go and be back before the things are cold.” Before either friend could protest, Danny let the shimmering void of silvery dark cold spread out from the center of his chest to every hair on his body in a flash of light. He slipped through Sam and Tucker like water through the air and flew off toward the red aura of the pizza guy, diving to transform behind the front door when he appeared outside. In just a moment he was back inside and setting three pizza boxes down on the snack table. “I see we got ourselves a meat-lovers for Tuck, a veggie everything for Sam, and-” Danny gasped. “A dragon’s tongue pizza for me! Aww, Sam~”

“Oh stuff it you goof,” Sam said as she and Tucker grabbed slices and plates. “I just knew that you’d complain your pizza isn’t spicy enough unless it has ghost peppers, reaper peppers and every other kind of spice known to man and dolphin on it.”

Tucker rolled his eyes, already scarfing down his first slice. “Dolphin? Really?”

“Dolphins are the closest animals to humans in behavior and observed intellect, Tucker.” Danny took the time to go through three slices of pizza while Sam ranted about how dolphins might as well be classified as non-human people before pointing accusatorily at her.

“There is nothing wrong with my sense of taste, thank you. Anyone with a strong enough tongue can handle this pizza, Sam.” Danny took a bite to emphasize his point and smirked when he was flipped off. “I’ve just got the strongest stomach here.”

“ Excuse you? ”

“Unlike you, I can eat veggies without my stomach declaring a mutiny.”

“Um, go fuck yourself? That was the lowest of all low blows, I am utterly betrayed !” Tucker covered his forehead with the back of his arm and half fell backward. “Truly, my trust has been shattered by mine own brother, how could you? And I’ll have you know that the amount of capsaicin you consume is well beyond what any human being should have in their body.”

“Funny, I’m pretty sure I’m not human.” Danny paused mid-chew, ignoring the look of disgust on Sam’s face over the two of them talking around their food. “I wonder… what smaller changes like that might be going on because of my ghost? Like, regular puberty is already horrible enough but now I’ve got like, ghost puberty to deal with.”

“First of all, ghost wise, you’re baby.” Danny pouted at Tucker, feeling mildly offended. “You haven’t even been half-dead for a whole year yet, you’re baby.”

“Tucker, can you be reasonable for one moment?” Danny nodded, gesturing to Sam, who was clearly the only one with her head on straight between them. “Danny is always baby, not just because of his ghost.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Danny rose up in front of the movie screen, less crossed in the air as he frowned down at his friends. “I am offended, I am revolted, I dedicate my life to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and this is the thanks I get?”

“I wonder,” Sam said loudly as she walked toward his pizza box. “What it would taste like if I put cotton candy on your pizza?” Danny dove for his pizza box, nearly crashing into Sam as he grabbed it up and flew toward the ceiling. He flipped upside down and stood with his feet to the ceiling, grinning down at his friends. Carefully opening his box he took out a slice and stopped.

“Sammy that is a wonderful question!” Gravity shifted, reasserted itself in the correct direction, and Danny flipped with it, landing in front of the cotton candy machine. He dipped his pizza slice into it and smirked at the despaired wail of his friend while he ran away from her, munching away at his unholy pizza slice. “This is so sad, Alexa-”

“You don’t think I’d have Alexa in my home, do you? First you defile my cotton candy, now you insult my common sense? Do me a favor and parish.”

“Been there, done that.”

“As amazing as all that is, I was wondering something about you, Danny.” Danny flew over to Tucker, landing on his shoulders with a snicker. “So like, can you do that thing from the movie? Like, turn your head all the way around like an owl?”

A wide grin spread over Danny’s face and he set his food down on the table, before pulling the void up and out and around himself. Bright silver light illuminated Tucker and cast odd shadows on his face. To think about later. Danny turned his head slowly, cautious of being wrong, and almost stopped when he heard the pop of the joints in his neck. Still, he kept going until he was looking at Sam’s gaping face right behind him. He raised a hand to give her a thumbs up and winced at the sound of more popping joints - though, fascinatingly enough… “None of this hurts at all.”

“Well now I gotta see you spider-walk up the walls, that’s just the natural result of you showing off like this, Danno.” Turning his head the rest of the way around, Danny saw Tucker’s phone pointed at him and snorted. “Dude this is wicked !”

“Oh my gods, we have to time you, hold on.” And like that, Danny was doing laps around the walls and ceiling, reversed on all fours while Sam timed him and Tucker recorded. When he dropped back down to the two rows of seats, Danny crossed his legs behind him with a hum.

“Anything else y’all wanna test?” Tucker raised his hand and Danny let his gaze slide from Tucker himself to the brilliant yellow-gold-grek air around him. “I’m going to regret hearing out this question, aren’t I?” Tucker nodded, his grin widening and the grek in his aura growing brighter. Danny sighed and pointed at his brother.

“Can you possess people? Cause that would be pretty fuckin cool.” Tucker T posed as if that would help Danny with the wave of discomfort that crashed over him at the idea. “How would you know? Go ahead, try me. See if you can like, take me over.”

Danny drew the darkness back into his chest, warmth and the beat of his heart and the weight of gravity tugging relentlessly against him like countless invisible chains made themselves known to him. Digging in his pocket, Danny pulled out a coin, looking at Tucker with as much seriousness on his face as possible. “Heads I tell you to yeet your PDA into the cotton candy, tails I try to possess you.” Danny flipped the quarter and caught it in his open palm. He took in a deep breath through his nose, and let it out the same way. “Shut.”

Slipping back into the void, Danny stared at his Tposing best friend and considered just how he was supposed to do what he had asked. The only thing that made any sense, of course, was to slide even deeper into the void. Light and sound and even the air circulating through the room all faded away and the world shifted like a gradient scale from Xtreme Indigo to a deep dark blue sprinkled with green that lit up the empty world in bands, rivers, and threads that Danny could’ve stared at for the rest of his life and probably never grown tired of. The only constants were the gold and green aurae at the ends of silver threads that shone like solid moonlight. Danny dove for the golden light and dipped a hand in where he guessed Tucker’s head was. The silver thread practically yanked him in, and Danny sank into a desert of yellow and glittering light.

In the next instant, he was blinking unfamiliar eyes, falling out of a dumb pose he hadn’t taken, stumbling on legs longer than he was used to and warmer than he’d been in months. “Holy shit.” Danny held out his - Tucker’s hands and turning them over each other again and again. He took a few testing steps forward and back, turning and stretching every way he’d ever seen Tucker move, and felt a laugh bubble out of hi-Tuck’s mouth. “Sam holy shit!”

Sam was staring at Tucker-Danny like he was the most out of this world thing she’d ever laid eyes on and she wasn’t sure how to react to him. The cheer of figuring out yet another ability dimmed at the sight of her expression and what might’ve been horror was building itself up in his chest. Then Sam schooled her expression and pointed at him. “You sound the way you do when the two of you are speaking in unison.”

“I feel like I’m wearing a costume that doesn’t fit right, I’ll be honest about that. Stars, Tucker’s vision is horrible.”

“Alright, that voice thing is actually getting annoying, can you like, leave him now?” A moment of silence passed, the room growing incredibly small and Sam stepped closer. “Danny, you can leave Tucker’s body now, right?”

“Gimme a second, Sam, I didn’t know I could go into him in the first place.” Danny huffed and closed his eyes. He focused on what was different and wrong about being in Tucker’s body instead of his own, thought about floating upward to the surface of a large body of water, the moon coming to his mind’s eye and he reached for it. There was a solid kick at the edge of his shadows, golden sands rising up and filling the empty space to push him up and out toward the moonlight and-

Danny flopped onto the ground face first, sensing a trend of him faceplanting on Sam’s floor, and Tucker let out a loud gasp. “Holy balls, that was weird as fuck !” Danny flipped around onto his back, letting his own familiar warmth and heartbeat fill his senses before he looked up at Tucker and found him wiggling his fingers and toes. “It was like blacking out or something. I had the weirdest dream where I was like, I dunno, made of fire or something?”

“It was a lot of weird, hard to describe feelings on my end but mostly like a suit that doesn’t fit right. Like, I know what my body feels like and that wasn’t mine, ya know?” Sam and Tucker nodded and while Danny knew they had absolutely no idea what he meant, it was relieving all the same. Standing up, Danny reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the scanner he’d printed earlier. “By the way, I made something that’ll help me get back into school.”

Tucker, without missing a beat, said, “That sounds like a horrible evil device.” Sam snorted and Danny nodded. “What does it do?”

Danny launched into an explanation of what he’d learned about ectosignatures and his idea for tricking the security system at school. “Also,” Danny added when it came to mind, “the car should be done printing in my basement by now.”

“Wait, you not only finished designing it but also started making it?” Sam looked between them with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean printing?”

“The Fenton Fabricator™ is a giant, modular, high detail 3D printer that can make complex metal technologies - like our hoverboards. The first 3D printed car took a couple of days and it wasn’t as complicated as this so I guessed about 48 hours.” Danny shrugged. “Probably done by now.”

“Isn’t that cool?” Tucker practically had stars in his eyes. “We can build anything in there, Sam!”

“Before that, we gotta get this ecto signature of Danny’s recorded." Sam held up the scanner and Danny nodded. Things had to happen in the right order or things would go wrong.

Danny reached inside of himself and pulled the dark, endless space between space that rested within him out to wrap around him like a cool, relaxing blanket. The extreme indigo of the world rose to an even more brilliant blue and purple that blended together and unwove from each other and wrapped around everything. Tucker shone from within with gold that glittered like desert sands and Sam was wreathed in the viridian green of the forests. The threads between them were silver and thick as though woven from many. "I never need to take drugs cause all I need to do to get a trip is go ghost. I swear."

"Yeah, well, I think I have the reading on you right here. Tucker, can you make any sense of this?" Tucker rolled over and stared at the data on the Fenton Finder remake. After a moment of silence, Tuck started tapping away at his PDA ferociously. "I'm gonna guess that means yes."

"I can record this signal and have a filter to keep the school's system from recognizing you as a threat by tonight. Think we can break in and do it then?"

"Probably," Danny shrugged, flipping a few times in the air. "Ishiyama probably had them set the security system to an activation button or lever or verbal input. They wouldn't want them to make something automatic in case a ghost was too close to a student."

"Fair. Tomorrow night then?" Tucker grinned as Danny tucked that blanket of not so empty empty space back into the very center of his everything and flopped onto his seat.

"Sooner I can tell my family we beat Skulker the better. I don't like worrying them like this." Ever since his Spirit Vision or whatever got turned permanently on, Danny could feel the undercurrent of anxiety that ran through his family. It made his skin crawl with the itch to make them all feel better and left a bitter taste on his tongue.

"Agreed, I can only keep this info from my parents for so long." Sam sighed, rolling her eyes. With a grin she handed the scanner fully over to Tucker and ran a hand through Danny's hair, messing it up as much as she could.

Danny swatted away Sam's hand after a moment and sank further into the soft cushiony seat. "Your chair is eating me, Sammy."

"You've been getting a healthier amount of meat on you, so yeah it might be." Tucker was steadily getting engrossed in his task and Danny knew they had precious few seconds before he was completely lost to them so he decided now was a good time to be a dick.

“So like, when the first hoverboard exploded and I put up a forcefield on a reflex we completely skipped over that cause of hyper-focus but like. Should we talk about that?"

"You have protective instincts," Tucker mumbled, "and ghost stuff reacts to the deeper parts of your mind right? So it's just you defending someone you care about."

"Which reminds me." Sam poked Danny in the sides until he was squirming and giggling to get away. "You're keeping like, a journal of all the things you can do right?"

"Mostly notes on what I learned about ghosts in general, like a bullet point list of the stuff that happened with Agatha and Skulker, and stuff but yeah. I need to add ‘owl neck’ and ‘possession’ to my list of Things I Can Do."

“And what, pray tell, is on that list?”

"I can turn intangible or invisible, defy- no, actually, with what happened at the zoo I guess I can influence gravity, I can see all the radiation in the world, which is a trip lemme tell ya, I can apparently make a wall of ectoplasm?" Tucker and Sam were staring at him for a long beat of silence before both were tackling Danny and pulling him into a big group hug. “I know, I’m awesome, but so are you guys and you should celebrate it.”

“Yeah, I am pretty awesome,” Tucker said with a grin. “You guys are lucky to know me. I feel I deserve a reward for the amazingness I bring to this group.” Tucker was promptly dropped by Sam onto the floor and Danny laughed.

“Another cool thing you can do is heal yourself and other people.” Sam poked Danny in the side until he was squirming away from her in that unreal state of being, slipping through her fingers like the space between air and flopped onto Tucker’s lap before solidity came back to him. “That’s probably one of the coolest powers you have.”

“One day, Tucker is going to copy everything I can do, but with technology.” Danny poked Tucker a couple of times and got his hand swatted away for his trouble. “He’s already copied my language-”

“Spanish doesn't belong to you just because your dad is Mexican, Danny, try again.”

“And now he’s tryna say what’s mine isn’t even mine, can you believe this guy?” Danny didn’t even try to hold in his laughter now, waving a hand emphatically in Tucker’s face. “Next he’ll say I’m not the greatest ghost fighter in the world-”

“Your Mom.”

“Or the first boy to step foot on the moon-”

“Neil Armstrong - also, did you just say you walked on the m-”

“Or the unthinkable, like I’m not the very first Fenton that’s gonna be built like a brick house.”

“No no, you can’t just talk your way out of this one, Danny, you were on the moon? ” Ah, Danny loved riling up his friends.

#Danny Phantom #Danny Fenton #Tucker Foley #Sam Manson #OCs #Maddie Fenton #Jack Fenton #Jazz Fenton #Fanfiction #Phanfiction #fanPhiction #Phanphiction #fanfic #phanfic #fanphc #Phanphic #MCS #Monstrous Chosen Spellslingers #Rexy Writes

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magic-mitchell · 4 years

Note

Okay, since you offered, hi, I'm curious about the basic plot, characters, and context for the memes? IDK, I adore other people's campaigns.

HELLO THERE I’m glad you asked!!!

We are an all-drow party hired by the Archivists (a group of wizards, scientists, scholars and researchers) to look into a deadly magical plague that’s been sweeping the land. We’ve discovered that drow specifically are immune due to the nature of its origins, and long story short we’re on our way to commit regicide in the name of ending the plague.

The party consists of

* Theodore (@novasiri), a tiny snarky alchemist who keeps his cards very close, whose beloved homunculus of thirty years was recently obliterated, and he’s not been in a good mood because of it.

* Reloneth (@agent-underdark), a cleric, formerly a fiend warlock, doing his best to turn it all around and do some good. He dads everyone in the party (except the paladin, kind of, because, in a delightfully gay turn of events, they are dating). He recently talked to his god for the first time since learning said god was indirectly responsible for the plague and directly for the creation of the Princes of Chaos, which he regrets. Relon is still processing that the gods aren’t perfect and can have regrets.

* Rhylaonar (@leidensygdom), a paladin, and an unlikely one. He’s seen a lot of character development from being a thief stuck with a holy sword to an actual missionary of justice, and he’s dating Relon.

* Cato (@sleebyfrogs, that’s me), a warlock roped into a pact to try and get rid of a terrible curse (though the pact was just... kind of like a second curse on top of that). He and his patron have had a rollercoaster of a relationship in which he was eventually freed from service, his patron turned mortal, and they may or may not be very, very obviously crushing on each other. He recently nearly died and then got frostbite as a direct result of his own stubbornness and pride.

* Athaso (@athaso, formerly, as his player unfortunately had to drop out), a mysterious flirty rogue with a history as an assassin. Last we saw of him, he threw his evil mother out a window to her death, took Cato to bed with him and disappeared off the radar completely.

Uhhhhh oh man my memory is a disaster if any one of the above players wants to add to this post with some of the best moments and dialogue you are more than welcome and encouraged to do so

Meme context (in reference to this post):

* “Are ya sciencing/withholding information son?” - We have tons of these Relon dad memes for every occasion. Literally any time he asks a dadly question it’s a race to apply it to the template, I’ve got it saved to my desktop for easiest possible access

* “How to break ass” - I don’t remember the exact context for this but breaking ass is what Rhyl does most often and best, for the most part. I think his player needed some placeholder book titles for a 3D model assignment XD

* Tide pod diagram - Rhyl and Relon could not for the life of them roll high enough intelligence to understand how our new Stones of Farspeech worked (Rhyl has negative int and Relon is like a grandpa with technology). Someone said the stones looked like tide pods and now it’s just canon. The one with the teeth is our employer, whom we have one line to (our DM @messyjester’s poor Credence, who is a lot more handsome and lovely than our shitpost doodles will ever give him credit for) and the other is Rhyl’s nephew Velanzus, whom we have another line to. Rhyl often calls him just to check in, it’s very sweet.

* Team Rocket - we have some NPCs who lowkey have this dynamic (Cato’s sister Malcice and Jess’ Kazimir). This file is saved on my computer as theWorst.png

* Rhyl Astley - “Rhyl make a roll” “a Rhylroll, if you will. Or maybe a RickRhyl”

* “I am 225 so drinking is yes” - I have no idea where the original image comes from was but Rhyl likes to drink a little too much and he 100% would do this

* “Relon fucked a dragonborn” - early one so I’m not sure I totally remember the context but I think Relon said something that got badly miscommunicated and quickly out of hand. For the record Relon insists he has not

* “I am a dumb bitch with expensive tastes” - this one kind of speaks for itself, Cato likes finery and will complain incessantly whenever we have to camp outside/be somewhere cold/be somewhere hot/watch our budget instead of buying new clothes and rich sweet foods

* “Rhyl’s fucking himboness” - we forgot to factor in Rhyl’s paladin aura into a Frightened save and when we retrospectively remembered it brought Relon’s roll up to the required DC

* “It’s free Rhyl estate” - we went back to the guild he used to be a part of and he asked if his room was still there and if he could stay in it again and I had the perfect joke

* “Cohen has cursed me for my hubris and my neurological function is never good” - Cato’s former accomplice stabbed him in the back by walking him into the trap that got him cursed (and then directing him into a pact when he asked for help). The curse affects his memory and specifically his ability to remember instructions and anything he’s read, or draw conclusions on how to learn from his mistakes (he’ll remember the event and understand the logical next step if it’s brought to his attention, but he won’t be able to connect the two no matter the explanation). And it’s getting worse.

HKSVIGSGSKHLSJOHS that’s a hell of a lot but I love this campaign so dearly and I’ve missed it so much, thank you for asking!

#D&D #Drowsquad #Memes #RBtalks #Long post #Answers #Thank you!!!

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sunriseverse · 5 years

Note

“The mailman constantly mixes up your home address and mine together and keeps on sending me your letters and packages and I’m sorry I look through them but your life seems very interesting as well as those books on black magic in one of your packages so wanna talk about it over a cup of coffee?” AU.

probably twisted this prompt a bit but hopefully I stayed fairly true to it. also. look I’m not pointing at the tea or anything but…

(it’s this wrapping paper by the way)

The first time it happens, Newt doesn’t even realise until almost a week later. It’s not that Newt doesn’t read his mail, or that Newt hasn’t gone down to the post-room in ages and ages, he has, alright, it’s just…his room is messy.

Which, consequently, is why he only finds the package when he has to dig through his stuff in search of an errant earring.

The package is heavy, solid, and, in perfect, upper-case lettering, is addressed to one Hermann Gottlieb, post-marked…actually, what the fuck is that there. Whatever it is, it’s written in a language Newt doesn’t know. The stamps—three of them—keep doing this weird thing where Newt thinks, for a second, that he’s got a keen view of them before they—

—do that, right there. Like one of those 3D photos where the picture moves.

“Huh,” he says, and tosses it onto the bed, makes a mental note to give it to Hermann at the soonest possible moment. A secret little part of him wants to open it, but—well, he may be an utter asshole sometimes, but—

—no, just no. He wouldn’t do that.

The second time it happens, it’s in the pile with his other mail when he goes to pick it up. Another rectangular package, same weird writing, shifty stamps, and Newt heaves a sigh. “Hermann,” he murmurs, and then spots the rip in the packaging.

It’s a jagged thing, and Newt can see the object—book on the inside. The cover is dark, dark green, and it looks like it’s made of leather. The rest of the packaging is pretty beat up, to—Newt’s surprised that the book is intact, actually. “Damn it, Hermann,” he gripes, “I don’t have any wrapping paper.”

He does, as a matter of fact, have wrapping paper, much to his own surprise. It is, however, not…well, it’s not exactly the kind Hermann springs for.

That is to say, it’s Christmas wrapping paper. Specifically, narwhals with wreaths of holly on their tusks. He almost laughs at the mental image of what Hermann’s expression will be when he hands it to him.

For that, though, he’s going to have to take off the original wrapping. “Sorry, Herms,” he mutters as he goes to fetch a pair of scissors, because he really does feel bad about doing this, but his need to fix the wrapping is greater than his guilt.

The orangey-yellow cuts cleanly under his admittedly haphazardly-wielded shears, and he pulls it off, setting it to the side, and rolls out the narwhal wrapping paper.

The contents of the package

aren’t, as Newt had initially assumed, one book—it’s two, actually, one thick, dark-green, leather-covers, and the other, a far slimmer grey book. Newt can’t help but glance at the titles as he begins to wrap them—the green one’s title is easily visible in gold lettering: A Grimoire of Arithmancy. The title of thin grey one, he almost misses; it’s in tiny lettering on the bottom left of the cover. Blood magic, cursing, and other “black” magics, it says.

He tapes down the wraping paper securely and files the information away.

“Hey, Herms,” he says when he gets to the lab the next day, narwhaled package tucked under his arm. Hermann hums, not taking his eyes off of the holographic model, and does a little motion with his fingers, the one he does out of habit when something’s annoying him, reaches for the cup of tea at his side. “Hermann,” Newt says, again, with a bit of a whine in his tone, “dude, I need to give you something.”

Hermann takes a sip of his tea and sighs. “What?” he asks, “I swear, if you—”

“No, dude, no!” he protests. “I got another—so, like, remember that box I gave you a few weeks back? The one addressed to you that got mixed up with my mail?”

“…yes?” Hermann asks, sets his cup down, gaze flickering, finally, up to meet Newt’s. “What about it?”

“Well,” he says, “whoever’s doing the distributing put another one of yours in with my stuff. Here.” He offers the package to Hermann.

The physicist stares at the package, then at him. “It has…narwhals on it,” he says finally, and then pulls it out of his hands. Eyes narrowed, he bites, “You—I can’t believe you—went through my mail—!”

“The package was ripped!” Newt exclaims, throwing up his hands. “I—you know how I get about that, Herms, I had to—fix it!” He presses his eyes closed for a moment, and when he opens them, it’s because Hermann’s hand in on his arm, shaking as Newt shakes.

He pulls in a breath. “Sorry,” he says, “I shouldn’t’ve—sorry.”

Hermann gives a tiny nod. “I can’t say that I’m not upset,” he replies, “but I…I appreciate the apology. It’s simply that…” he sighs, sets the books down on his desk and picks his tea back up. “That’s a rather…personal part of my life,” he admits. “I…was afraid you would—”

The words cut off, but Newt knows what he means. “I’m sorry,” he says, again. “I should’ve just given you the ripped package. But…I’d never judge you, okay? Like, just so you know.”

Hermann offers him a tiny smile. “Thank you,” he says. “And yes, next time I’d appreciate if you didn’t…re-wrap my packages. Although, I must say, the design of this wrapping paper is quite unique.”

Newt grins. “I know, right? It’s from, like, four years ago, dude. I’d forgotten I had it.” He pauses, then, slightly quieter, continues, “Um, I know it won’t, like, make up for what I did, but I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out for coffee sometime? And like, um,” he stumbles over his words, suddenly very aware of Hermann’s hand on his arm. “Uh, just, like. Talk? About whatever! Shit, sorry, this isn’t coming out so great.”

The look Hermann’s giving him is surprisingly soft, and he says, “Yes, I think I would like that, Newton.”

“Newt,” Newt says, reflexively, and the corners of Hermann’s eyes crinkle.

#prompt #prompt fic #nOT ANGST I SWEAR #considered making the big book the picatrix #which looks r e a l l y cool and i keep meaning to look for a copy of lol #newmann #ooo does this mean i can tag it #witchy hermann #yesssss #pre-canon? post-canon? who knows. time is an illusion my dudes *fingers guns*#newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #pacific rim #fanfic #ask #spinecorset writes

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game-meak · 5 years

Text

A Proper Postmortem

Maybe?! Heck if I know how to actually format a good post but let’s try. As game development went on for almost four years, this is probably gonna be long... and also give away basically the whole game oops! Read on with caution.

Sometime around July 2014, a month after the initial release of my first game, my room was being remodeled and I was stuck with nothing for free time but a garbage laptop I could do anything on, an old flip phone, my sketchbook, and my 3DS. So beyond playing an obscene amount of Animal Crossing and Tomodachi Life, I at some point went “hey, what if I made a second game starring the kids.” So I started trying to plan it out! And it went

absolutely nowhere that I intended it to go!!!

For instance, this is the very first page of sketches. This squirrel was supposed to be really important. It’s not. I don’t even KNOW what’s up with that duck.

A thing I like to think about before I set off making any of the story, assets, or scripts for my games tend to be themes and motifs. And I kept circling back to a very important, very personal “theme.” Without using the internet at large as my therapy couch, I was emotionally abused and taken advantage of multiple times in my life and it greatly impacts how I interact with people to this very day, as you’d expect events of such a degree would. Particularly, I kept thinking that the RPG Maker fan crowd tends to skew young and be in the teenage range and at ages 14-16, I could’ve used something to help.

Of course, my entire thought process isn’t necessarily one of charity and selflessness. It was also a way of me expressing what I’d dealt with in ways I’ve only ever communicated with my friends who were also victims of the same circumstances, the closest I would let myself come to personal stories and retellings with a cover of plastic children and wild adventures. It was also in some ways a way of me verifying to myself that something ongoing was, in fact, bananas and should not have been happening, but that might be another story for another time.

As you can probably guess, Haze and Seal came into the picture since I needed to make two characters who would have this struggle. A lot of decisions came about because of my personal experience. They’re 15/16 because I was at the time of the incidents that primarily inspired me to make this game. They’re both nonbinary because I am. They love anime because I did (and do...?!) One of their friends is even directly modeled off how one of my friends looked in high school. To that degree, I guess someone, somewhere can call them self inserts. But they’re also not, since I didn’t want to just do a personal retelling with fictional characters. I’d just write a memoir or something at that point.

Haze’s design came first, and then Seal’s was sort of made as a foil to them. Haze’s “colors” are pink, black, grey, and red. Seal’s are teal and light purple... and also black. Haze had a rabbit motif (which got toned down as I went on), Seal had an owl motif (which is now just a single mention in their list of likes...), etc.

Though in the beginning, the story was entirely different. Initially, everything took place in the neon-ish areas with black sky and reflective, celestial water (that I, very eloquently, call “spacewater”). The idea was that Haze and Seal were beings from another dimension and that their “fighting” was causing a rip in the universe that the kids stumbled into and therefore got wrapped up in this mess. I had an entire script written and started making assets and when I went to sum up the game’s plot in a neat paragraph, I realized... I hated it!!!

So I chucked all I had done by that point writing-wise and started again.

In fact, I rewrote a lot. After the first it was mostly small tweaks and adjustments, but the biggest ones (and the ones that still present a challenge to me!) usually involved trying to make Seal feel like a believable character. I had shown an early draft to someone who said that Seal felt too much like trying to get back at someone, so I scrapped a ton of their lines and tried again. I still worry whether or not they come across too Strawman-y, but I’ve done the best I can and whatever criticism people have can apply to my next writing attempts. It’s very hard to separate yourself from subject matter you feel really personally attached to. I don’t want to write them in a way that you immediately hate them, or hate me for writing such a blatant “villain” character, but in a way that you can formulate your own thoughts. That said, though, I am violently allergic to people who call Seal a “tsundere,” even in jest. So I guess I want people to have their own thoughts as long as it’s not that specific one...! (;;;;)

You may be thinking “heck, this is a lot of paragraphs in and you haven’t even brought up gameplay thoughts” and yes... that’s very true. Shamefully, for a game where I thought “I should definitely, absolutely focus more on making it a Fun Game than a walking visual novel” I might’ve actually dropped the ball in that area. I’d like to think I was more adventurous than I had been with my first game. Some parts do kind of fall into the “walk to the next cutscene, find a key to unlock the next cutscene” pit, but I did put effort into figuring out what I could do with RMXP. My obligatory “please don’t use this engine here, people thinking of using RPG Maker” statements here. In the final product, though they’re very simple, I’m most proud of the chalkboard puzzle and the paint sorting puzzle.

Even if, y’know... I somehow neglected to include the letter “k”

Speaking of, I’m not sure if this is a general RPG Maker thing, a “man I hate RMXP” thing, or a “meaka cannot gamemake” thing, but I had several event/puzzles just up and quit on me a few times. Like they would work fine for months and months, but one day I’d go to them and just nope, suddenly they’re not working, sorry. Copy+pasting the event to a new map wouldn’t work, so I’d have to manually redo the event. One of them was the chalkboard puzzle. The other was the sliding puzzle when Tony is by herself. Which I’m also aware slows the game down a ton, but I have legitimately no idea how to fix that... I tried and I could never get to to not lag like crazy.

Like I said, I started in July 2014. I’d shipped the game off to my beta testers in March 2018. A vast majority of that time was spent creating the visual assets since everything you see in the game is custom. All the sprites, all the tilesets, every little pixel of it. All me! Needless to say... it was very exhausting and very time consuming. I grossly underestimated how much time I thought it’d take. I never accounted for the very real possibility of burnout, which is incredibly silly considering I was making something entirely by myself that was also an occasionally difficult subject matter...! There were quite a few weeks where I touched nothing because I couldn’t bring myself to and even a few times where I just considered deleting everything and cancelling the project. I knew I’d be mad at myself if I quit, especially as I got later into production, so I just tried my best to make sure I didn’t turn it into a huge chore. Obviously, there were parts that were more tedious than others, but this game really is a very large labor of love that I put a lot of my heart into.

Part of that time is also a little bit of indecision. Did you know I went through 3 possible title screens? I sure did! I’ve also publicly posted about redoing both Haze and Seal’s bust sprites before. I almost redid all of the kids’, too, but I didn’t wanna get caught in the loop of remaking everything, so I opted to just leave them as they are. Most of them don’t bug me as much. M...most of them!

I’m hopping back on the Story train since obviously that was my main focus, but the decision to have Seal sort of “reveal” their true nature (or at least have a jealousy-related anger burst) to Octavio as an animated cutscene was one I’d decided pretty early. Which is also why, unsurprisingly, I was debating getting voice actors for a hot minute. But I wouldn’t have used it anywhere else in the game, so I opted not to. I also wanted to keep the file size low, but that wound up not happening so much, h-haha... For someone who uses the only engine without native support for videos, I sure do like making animated cutscenes, huh.

Anyway. This scene originally bridged Octavio’s section of the game to Pablo’s, which would’ve been (for some reason) in an abandoned hospital. But that didn’t pan out because it didn’t fit what I wanted the game to be and also by switching the order of the two, it builds up more tension(?) on the kind of character you expect Seal to be. I hope their very first “fuck off, maybe” took someone out there by surprise!

This also was the point when I decided I wanted to commission an original soundtrack, since nothing quite got across what I wanted at the time. Which is when I put out my silly ad post and somehow managed to get the amazing ProjectTrinity to compose for me...! I’m still amazed by the sheer quality of music he made for my little RPGMaker game.

Having the teen characters curse was also something I waffled on for a bit. Clearly, I dwell on the important things as a writer. I wanted it to contrast the cutesy, kidlike way the siblings talk and also the sort of squeaky-clean image the witches (particularly Seal) present to the kids by contrasting how they talk to each other, most importantly how Seal talks to Haze and their other friends. I did have the same issue with the Mother in my first game, but I opted to not have her curse at all either since she’s childish in her own way, too. But that’s not for THIS game’s postmortem, get otta here!!!

I also very much was set on a “battle” with words being the final event of the game. Though I had a hard time imagining what that would be initially, but eventually arrived at a sort of fake battle system that was introduced in the mine. The setting for this battle changed with time (everywhere from the park to the academy and in between) was considered...! The dirty secret is that while I did like the decision to make it take place in the voids between worlds, I also sort of did not want to draw the staircase in the witch academy. Originally, the kids would’ve also helped Haze “reach” Seal (who was putting actual obstacles in the way), but I guess in my own way, I wanted to give Haze the ability to confront Seal on their own, one-on-one. Or something like that...! I also didn’t want to add too much needless backtracking.

I’m... unsure what other point I really want to make, so I guess I’ll end this here unless anyone has anything in particular that interests them they’d want me to answer!

All in all, this game means a lot to me and took a chunk of my life to make and I really hope it’s able to reach at least one person who might need it, even if it’s only a little.

To all of you who gave it a try, thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.

A shameless link to the game: [itch.io] & [RMN]

#living playground #the witch's puppets #rpg maker #postmortem

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chaoticdragonartisan · 3 years

Text

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The Game consists of a non-obligatory characteristic known as “story development” which permits all Sims within the community to autonomously keep loose will without the participant ever controlling those sims. Sims stay for a fixed period of time this is adjustable by the participant and enhance through several existence ranges (infant, infant, child, youngster, young person, person, and elder). Sims can die of antique age or they can die upfront from reasons which includes fire, starvation, drowning, electrocution, (as of the sector Adventures expansion %) Mummy’s curse, (as of the pursuits enlargement %) a meteor, (as of the late night enlargement %) by way of thirst (vampires best, as of the Showtime enlargement %), by using failing a trick as a magician (drowning in water/being buried), (as of the Supernatural growth p.c.) by way of failing Haunting Curse (witches simplest), consuming a poisoned jelly bean and transmuting into gold, (as of the Seasons growth percent) by means of freezing, (as of the university existence expansion percent) with the aid of being crushed by way of Murphy mattress/merchandising machines, (as of the Island Paradise expansion %) by shark, drowning at the same time as scuba diving and dehydration (mermaids handiest) and (as of the Into the destiny expansion p.c.) via falling from the sky with jet-p.c. and by means of time paradox.

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Features of The Sims 3:

Strategic life simulation game.

To create own desired sims

To control sims lives.

Misdemeanour.

Endless creative missions.

Open ended the game.

Not defined goals.

Random challenges according to sims.

To explore new locations.

To customize sims marriages, affairs, children.

To fulfill the wishes of sims.

To avail sims lifetime happiness points.

Points will yield the pay of players.

System Requirements For The Sims 3:

0 GHz P4 processor or equivalent

1 GB RAM

128 MB Video Card with support for Pixel Shader 2.0

The latest version of DirectX 9.0c

Microsoft Windows XP Service Pack 2

At least 6.1 GB of hard drive space with at least 1 GB of additional space for custom content and saved games

How to Download and Install The Sims 3 on PC?

Download it using the links given below.

Use WinRAR to extract the file.

Open “The Sims 3 Game” folder, click on the “Installer” and install it now.

After you see that the installation is complete go to the folder where you placed it.

Open the folder and double-click on the setup file and wait for some time.

When the setup is complete click on “The Sims 3 Game” icon to play the Game.

Enjoy the game.

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Sims Free For Mac

Shift gears and take your Sims for a spin with The Sims 3 Fast Lane Stuff. For the first time ever in a stuff pack, your Sims can get new cars along with furnishings, decor, and apparel in four distinct vehicle‐themed lifestyles. Will your Sims embody the speed demon way of life? Or cruise in classic luxury automobiles with the top down? Will they rebel against the establishment in pin‐up girl dresses and rockabilly tough guy attire? Or pursue a life of intrigue with spy‐themed, sexy apparel and automobiles? Whatever their lifestyle, The Sims 3 Fast Lane Stuff takes your Sims on the rides of their lives! Four all-new styles of fashions Brand New Cars! Overview Who says that your car is just a way to get from here to there? Whethe

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greattastemakerfest · 3 years

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Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Mac

Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Mac Os

Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Machine

Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Mach 1

Widely considered to be the first survival horror game to use polygonal graphics. Initially released on the PC by Interplay, and developed by Infogrames, in 1992, Alone in the Dark would go down as a historical landmark in video gaming history. House of Horrors - Alone in the Dark. Jess and Zorine face up against the birth of survival horror in this 1992 game. Expect many surprises and some trouble with running. 🅳🅾🆆🅽🅻🅾🅰🅳 Free download Alone in the Dark 1 Year 1992. Garena 2.0 This tool allows you join gamers all over the world and play great games: Warcraft, Call of Duty, Starcraft, Quake, Dawn of War, BlackShot. Alone in the Dark (shortened to AitD) is a survival horror game released by Infogrames in 1992 for PC. In 1994 a port was made for 3DO by Krisalis Entertainment and published by Interplay Entertainment. Alone in the Dark is one of the first Survival Horror games and one of the first games to utilize 3D models superimposed on pre-rendered backgrounds. The game was awarded the title of'First 3D. Alone in the Dark is a survival horror video game series, originally developed by Infogrames. In most of the games, the player controls private investigator Edward Carnby, who goes to investigate a haunted mansion or town that is full of undead creatures. The original story is based on the writings of H. Lovecraft, although later games in the series drew inspiration from other sources. A suspicious suicide. A chilling curse. A malevolent power. Finally, a wicked dark secret. This is Derceto, a legendary Louisiana mansion where, against your better judgment, you're drawn into a world of shadows to explore the darker side of Jeremy Hartwood's imagination.

Control:

Game is controlled by the same keys that are used to playing under MS DOS. For fullscreen press 'Right Alt' + 'Enter'.

Help:

This game is emulated by javascript emulator em-dosbox. If you prefer to use a java applet emulator, follow this link.

Other platforms:

Unfortunately, this game is currently available only in this version. Be patient :-)

Game info:

box coverGame title:Alone in the DarkPlatform:MS-DOSAuthor (released):Infogrames (1992)Genre:Action, AdventureMode:Single-playerDesign:Frédérick Raynal, Didier Chanfray, Franck Manzetti, Franck De Girolami, ..Music:Philippe VacheyGame manual:manual.pdf

File size:

984 kBDownload: not available (stream only)

Download all icloud drive files to mac. Game size:

5283 kBRecommended emulator:DOSBoxFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

Alone in the Dark is a critically acclaimed 1992 action-adventure horror video game originally designed by Frédérick Raynal and developed and published by Infogrames for the PC. In 1994, the game was ported for the 3DO by Krisalis. Alone in the Dark is considered a breakthrough and influential title, being the first 3D game in the genre of survival horror. It has spawned four follow-up games as part of the series, as well as two movies loosely based on them. Players choose between a male or female protagonist (Edward Carnby or Emily Hartwood respectively), and are then trapped inside the haunted mansion of Derceto. The player character starts in the attic (the place of Jeremy's suicide), having ascended to the top of the mansion without incident, and is tasked with finding a way out of the mansion while avoiding, outsmarting or defeating various supernatural enemies including slave zombies and giant bipedal rat-like creatures. Though able to kill most enemies with simply fists and feet, the player character can also find and utilise weapons. Many opponents can be beaten by solving a particular puzzle rather than a straight fight - indeed, a significant number of opponents cannot be killed at all. Much of the game involves exploration and puzzle-solving, and optionally searching the house for clues to what happened before the player's arrival. The player character can search any area, open and close doors, push certain objects, and pick up some items. Items in inventory can be used, opened, read, thrown, or put down, though not all of these options are offered for every item. Inventory is highly limited, and the player must often discard items to make room. It is possible to discard items that are needed to complete the game, but discarded items remain in play and can be retrieved later, even if the player character leaves the room. Available space in inventory is determined by weight, not number of items; for example, a player may discard a book and two knives yet still not be able to pick up the heavy statuette. Unlike its sequels, and much of the survival horror genre, the game is partially non-linear. The player character is initially restricted to the attic and third floor, whose rooms are arranged such that they must be traversed in a linear order. Completing the puzzle at the end of the third floor grants the player character access to the first and second floors. The player can explore the rooms in this area in any order, and can also revisit the attic and third floor if desired. Upon completing a specific puzzle, the player gains access to the caverns beneath the mansion. The caverns are completely linear, and each challenge must be overcome as it is encountered.

More details about this game can be found on Wikipedia.org.

For fans and collectors: Find this game on video server YouTube.com or Vimeo.com. Buy original game at Amazon.com, eBay.com or GOG.com.

The newest version of this game can be purchased on Xzone.cz, GameExpres.cz orGameLeader.cz.

Platform:

This version of Alone in the Dark was designed for personal computers with operating system MS-DOS (Microsoft Disk Operating System), which was operating system developed by Microsoft in 1981. It was the most widely-used operating system in the first half of the 1990s. MS-DOS was supplied with most of the IBM computers that purchased a license from Microsoft. After 1995, it was pushed out by a graphically more advanced system - Windows and its development was ceased in 2000. At the time of its greatest fame, several thousand games designed specifically for computers with this system were created. Today, its development is no longer continue and for emulation the free DOSBox emulator is most often used. More information about MS-DOS operating system can be found here. The sims 2 ultimate collection mac download.

Available online emulators:

5 different online emulators are available for Alone in the Dark. These emulators differ not only in the technology they use to emulate old games, but also in support of various game controllers, multiplayer mode, mobile phone touchscreen, emulation speed, absence or presence of embedded ads and in many other parameters. For maximum gaming enjoyment, it's important to choose the right emulator, because on each PC and in different Internet browsers, the individual emulators behave differently. The basic features of each emulator available for this game Alone in the Dark are summarized in the following table:

Pause a download: Click the Stop button to the right of the filename in the downloads list. To resume, click the Resume button. Find a downloaded item on your Mac: Click the magnifying glass next to the filename in the downloads list. If you move a file or change the download location after downloading it, Safari can’t find the file. Download file by right clicking on mac.

EmulatorTechnologyMultiplayerFullscreenTouchscreenSpeedArchive.orgJavaScriptYESNONOfastjs-dosJavaScriptYESYESNOfastjs-dos 6.22JavaScriptYESYESNOfastjsDosBoxJavaScriptYESNONOslowjDosBoxJava appletYESYESNOfast

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Friday the 13thMonster Bash: Part 1Midnight MutantsLittle Big AdventureDangerous Dave 2

Comments:

Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Mac Os

You can trace the long lineage of horror-themed adventure games back to Alone in the Dark. It was the primary muse behind such famous games as Resident Evil, Silent Hill or Nocturne. As most of you who’ve been around the genre longer than me probably already know, Alone in the Dark is not a pure adventure. You’d have to call it an action/adventure. In fact, it’s so excellent at blending the two genres that you could probably make the argument that its one of the original games of this subgenre.

Alone in the Dark is heavily influenced by the wonderfully dark, twisted writings of H.P. Lovecraft, and that’s a pretty good literary pedigree for any game. If you haven’t read Lovecraft, chances are you’ve seen plenty of movies with the same idea: a researcher into the occult finds some ancient, dusty incantations and rashly begins reading them aloud, thereby releasing into the world all matter of unpleasant, icky monsters.

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It was released way back in the dark DOS era (1992), and so you shouldn’t expect it to be graphically impressive. The game overcomes its “primitive” technology by a very high degree of craftsmanship. The sound effects are creepy and convincing. The character movement is complex and varied. The camera angles are constantly shifting, giving the game a very cinematic feel. Finally, the characters and objects have a convincing sense of weight and substance. The designers have done a great job with limited technology.

All of these factors add up to the result that, DOS or not, the world of Alone in the Dark is strangely compelling. It was the original game that sparked our immagination and showed the full potential of the PC as a genuinely powerful artistic medium that could, when done right, run games that can scare us half to death. Creepy camera angles, odd noises and spooky monsters all work in tandem to deliver on the of most memorable adventures on the humble computer.

System Requirements: 80386 CPU, 1 MB RAM, DOS

Buy Game N/A

Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Machine

Can’t Run This DOS Game? Click Here For Help!

Alone In The Dark 1992 Download Mach 1

Tags: Free Download Alone in the Dark PC Game Review

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leonidas1754 · 7 years

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First Playthrough of Virtue’s Last Reward Pt 1- Intro and Elevator Escape

I’m playing through this game completely blind, so I have no idea what’s coming. I’ve seen bits of info here and there, but nothing I can really connect to anything or is even important.

Firstly, starting the game and seeing the opening (After shutting the game down twice because I accidentally kept skipping it) it seems like this game is going to have a big emphasis on trust and betrayal. I can deal, seems neat. I can say right off the bat though that I don’t think I’m going to care for these 3d Models much. There was some weird shit with expressions of non-sprite images in the first game, but I don’t think this is really much better.

Starting the game, we get the fuzzy kidnapping scene. I have to admit, for a start, I kind of like how we were thrown into the escape puzzle first, then start getting Junpei’s memories of getting abducted. Still not caring for these 3d Models, this girl just looks bizarre.

And the girl knows the protag’s name (Sigma? Weird but whatever I can roll) but doesn’t know how she knows it. Because that’s not suspicious at all, nosiree. The voice acting for her is alright at least, though why doesn’t the protag have voice acting..? Unless he’s not actually speaking, but if he hasn’t noticed that by this point, I’m just gonna call him a dumbass. She does seem to have some sort of mind-reading thing going on though, since she seems to have picked up on him not thinking she was friendly and saying she was plenty friendly.

Alright, bracelets, that’s familiar territory, except... They’re both 3? And they say “pair” on them. The fuck. Still stuck on, buttons on the sides. That will probably be important later, if 999 is anything to go by.

-opening menu- Okay, you can actually write memos in-game now. Honestly, I’ll probably stick with my trust IRL notepad and pencil, but that’s really nice to see. And this game has a flowchart as well, which was a godsend playing through the first game a second time, probably will be equally useful here. Huh, there’s difficulty settings now? But apparently it just has to do with the hints you’re given by other characters. That’s interesting, but I don’t think it’s that important. Oh, and for minigames I guess. Eh. -shrug- I do like the bit of dark humor these files have, though, it’s amusing. “Eventually your desperate, futile scrabbling at doors of success may be answered.” That’s good, props to the writers there.

Alright, there’s going to be files and such, basically additional info, that’s pretty neat. A completionist thing, I suppose, though I’ll definitely be aiming to find them all since I want to know everything I possibly can about the world of the game and what’s going on. In games like this, any and all information about the world and story is a godsend. Controls still seem pretty simple, though I really only use the mouse. Alright, back to the game.

Weird rabbit on the screen thing. Alright. I can deal. Maybe. Voice acting’s pretty neat right off the bat, childish and loopy, so to speak, it works well. Wait, Zero the 3rd? If Akane/June was the first Zero, and this is the third, who is the second? Or does the world count Ace as the first, and Akane/June as the second? Yea I got lots of questions you creepy rabbit.

Can’t tell if this rabbit’s gonna end up really funny or really annoying yet. “Nonary Game, Ambidex Edition” ?

Ambidex could refer to ambidextrous-ness, which would make sense considering the double bracelets, I hadn’t paid attention to which hand the girl’s bracelet was on.

FALLING ELEVATOR. FUN.

“Have a nice trick!” What a strange choice of words. I feel like that might be important. Or it could be nothing, who knows.

“Yeah, yeah, see you next fall.” SIGMA PLS CAN YOU NOT.

Man Sigma you’re cursing up a storm. Nice.

Okay, so to go with the 3d models, we now have 3d rooms you have to drag to rotate. Honestly, it’s making me a little motion-sick, not fun. Hopefully I’ll get used to it quickly. Alright, so all of the puzzles are centered around getting into the safe in each room. An odd change if you ask me, but alright, I suppose it could be nice to know immediately what your end goal is in regards of finding your way out.

-opens Flowchart out of curiousity- Whoa, there are... A lot more endings in this one. And I’m going to guess a good 90% of them are bad. Hoooooo boy. It should be interesting to see which one I get first. In my first playthrough of 999, I actually got the Coffin Ending first somehow. Genre savvy-ness I suppose. Maybe something similar will happen here, hahah.

Alright, I now have a set of socket wrenches and found a baby and old person pictures on opposite sides of the elevator. The fuck. Alright, weird poster, let’s count the babies and old people like the hint on top so graciously slams in our face. I get that it’s the first puzzle but please. Next to get these bolts off the panel. I think the different colors were to hint at what handle goes with which bolt but I just guessed and got all but the first one on the first try before even finding the panel. Whoops.

Alright, first game is a sliding block puzzle. Not one of my favorites, but I think this one shouldn’t be too bad. I got it fairly quickly, with a few slips, but I was never fantastic at these things. And there’s a little green memory card, probably for that big bulky thing in the middle back of the elevator.

This chick keeps confusing the rabbit for a mouse and I’m just like girl are you blind. And I’m already having issues with this first puzzle, because I can’t figure out what this old people/babies deal is. Obviously you have to count the number on the poster, but I’ve counted and recounted and I thought I got the numbers right but I guess not. -looks up a guide- That’s what I got??? For numbers??? (Note I will use a guide if I feel the need to, like right now, but will be using a spoiler-free one, no worries) Hmph.

Wait, press the three on the rabbit set of buttons? How the hell was I supposed to guess that, just from the fact that Sigma and the girl have the number 3??? Don’t start with this bullshit now, Zero Escape, you did so well with 999, that was one of the reasons I really liked it. Well at least I have the red card now, in the slot it goes.

Ey hidden file password, nice. And they keep track of these, double nice. But I still need the regular password. And press 0 on the rabbit buttons. Again, how was I supposed to know that. Because there were 0 rabbits in the picture? Eh, whatever, I got the cards, I can deal. The important thing is I got both passwords, so I can grab the file then get out.

Alright, Gold file, I’ll look at that as soon as I’m done with the room. Now for the escape password. Nice, there’s an in-universe reason why you get different stuff with different passwords. I like it when games don’t just gloss over shit like that.

Alright, key in the lock, panel open, slap that button and- the top opened up? I mean, I noticed the weird hatch earlier, but I thought the door would be what opened. Weird.

“Escapey” Pffff some of these achievement names are weird. Alright, since the puzzle is done, let’s take a look at that file before moving on with the story.

AB Room- AB game? The fuck is that? And six AB rooms on floor A, with a voting device? What does that mean?

AB Gate- The doors open vertically, alright then. Neat little info I guess, though we haven’t seen this one open yet. Also, no safety feature on the door in case there’s something obstructing the door. Yikes.

Bracelet: 1- Alright, all bracelets are on the left wrist, so the thing I said about ambidextrous-ness earlier has nothing to do with that. If they break the rules or fail to fulfill some conditions, a set of four needles in the bracelet will inject them with two chemicals instead of setting off a bomb. Alright then. That’s interesting. And a lot less messy I think.

AI- Talks about Artificial Insemination before cutting itself off and saying “... Oh, I’m being told that in this case “AI” stands for “Artificial Intelligence,” which is another thing entirely.” I get the feeling that “Artificial Insemination” and it talking about it having also been used in places other than breeding of dairy cattle and pigs is important. Or the whole thing is a joke, but I can’t tell at this point.

Have a nice (three circles): 1- Different variations of what Zero III says before he leaves. I’ve only seen “Have a nice trick!” so far but I imagine I’ll see the others later. Interesting that we see our new Zero directly address the players so soon, and it doesn’t appear to be a recording since he directly responds to something Sigma says.

Quantum Computer- Wow that’s some science. Nice. Also... “That’s amazing, Mr. Kwan! Are you... seeing anybody?” This game already has a rather odd sense of humor that I’m really liking so far. I wonder if this will carry over to the main story or just be in the files.

Floor A graffiti- A note about some supposed graffiti on the wall about milkmen visiting a comedy club and the grammar being deliberately horrible for some unknown reason. In other words... What the fuck?

Alright, that’s the last of the files, so on with the story.

#Simon plays Virtue's Last Reward #Simon says #Virtue's Last Reward #Zero Escape

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the-fitsquad · 6 years

Text

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

tube thoughts vol. 6

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Joe Bob's SummerSchool edition of Monstervision with special guests a blonde Bride of Frankenstein and a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon plus the feature movie "The Surgeon" *The striking black and white intro flashback throws light on what this flick really is. It's a tribute to those 30s/40s/50s mad doctor horror shows, with quirky 1990s sensibilities laced throughout.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible: Summer Fun --------------

*Psalty: Dramatic kids hang out with a blue, scripture talking song book.* 2 stars

*Bike Safety Rap: Don't skin your knees or risk your life.* 1 star

*Central Florida Hell: Dump elderly dad down where Chi Chi Rodriguez dwells.* 2 1/2 stars

*2 Minute Boat Trip: Goober Pudding Jr. is not a COCKSUCKER! Horatio Sanz... who knows?* 2 stars

*3 Minute Heavy Metal Summer: Shock rockers, with a heart of gold, versus yuppy prejudice and slimeball business types at a camp/resort.* 3 stars

*Acting with Tom Hanks: Swimsuit models wanna make their silly dreams come true.* 2 stars

*Conceal and Carry: Speed, women, fanny pack!* 3 stars

*Kidz Conquer Mexico: Another culture exploited by brats.* 2 1/2 stars

*Message in a Cell Phone: Crack the code and get Chad's dad out of prison.* 3 stars

*Birthdays Faith First: Father Tim loves his birthday and Uncle Sam.* 2 1/2 stars

*2 Minute Beach Fever: Kato Kaelin and Jacki Chan enjoy the fruits of rabor.* 2 1/2 stars

======================================================

I'm Alan Partridge: I Know What Alan Did Last Summer *Dodging the tax man.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"The Day After" --1983-- *"World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones."* 3 stars

The Twilight Zone: The Midnight Sun *Fever dream.* 3 stars

Heart She Holler: Klansgender Rights *We're all the same underneath a clean, white sheet.* 2 stars

Squidbillies: Granny Hot Foot *Happier than a pig, in shit, who just won the Daytona 500.* 2 1/2 stars

Adult Swim --infomercials-- In Search of the Miracle Man *Interviewing people on the street about their love for a yet to be seen super guru and asking them how often they masturbate, plus keeping a close watch on a sunbathing beauty, in case the guru shows up there. Add in a sing along, act unfunny along, self aware studio audience for even less laughs. A guy from Mighty Boosh and Snuff Box (Rich Fulcher) and a guy from Upright Citizens Brigade and Crossballs (Matt Besser), along with another recognizable face from the Sarah Silverman Show, can all do better and funnier in 12 minutes. Drunk History for example.* 1 star

Freddy's Nightmares: Rebel Without A Car -----

*A mullet-motor-head thinks a cursed muscle-car is his ticket out of Springwood, but maybe he should have taken his girl's advice and sought a smarter path.* 2 1/2 stars

*A girl, from the wrong side of the tracks, gets accepted to be a Cinderella slave for snobbish sorrority sisters, during hellish hazing, where they hope to put her on the road.Instead, she turns Carrie, on the cunts, and burns the house to the ground.* 2 1/2 stars

------------------------

Swamp Thing: Falco *"Nature is a maniac!" That's pretty existential for a falcon unwillingly turned half human by the arrogant Arcane. Overly dramatic and unintentionally funny.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Treasure of the Temple *Masterfully animated Mayan adventure.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Night Strangler *Gritty Civil War era alchemy, and a Victorian Era style Jack the Ripper killer, in the dark alleys and underground of a Pacific Northwest seaport town.* 3 stars

12:01 Beyond --Halloween special-- -2014- =====================

*The Victim's Family - Have A Nice Day (music video): Skeletal puppets kick your face in and tell you to enjoy your shitty job and life.* close to 3 stars

*Fulfilled, A Halloween Story: A modern Lovecraftian tragic figure refuses to join in on the pop culture / commercial celebrations of Halloween and instead chooses to spend All Hallow's Eve, and possibly eternity, in the Twilight Zone.* close to 3 stars

*Trailer for Dario Argento's "Creepers": 3 stars

*Vintage WXXA cHANNEL 23 - Halloween movie marathon commercial for their movie lineup including 'An American Werewolf in London', 'House', 'Videodrome', 'Psycho 3': 3 stars

*"Horror of the Zombies" 1973: A millionaire, a money hungry mercenary type, and an agency of modeling get involved in a publicity stunt that would leave some models stranded in a boat on the sea. However, they all wind up in some interdimensional fog and end up boarding a ghost-ship where the blind monks of Mestophilles roam.* 2 stars

*Monster Rally Movie: Advertisement for an old horror host Channel 4 show.* 3 stars

*Pumpkin Madness 2: Ordinary pumpkins let loose destructive behavior.* 2 1/2 stars

*Animation in the style of Superjail or the video for Paranoid Android by Mariola Brillowska.* 3 stars

*Phantasm's 'The Tall Man' promotes Fangoria magazine.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fleishcher Studios- Superman - The Mummy Strikes.* 3 stars

*A Republic Pictures serial - The Crimson Ghost - Atomic Peril: A criminal mastermimd is so determined to get his hands on a device that will bring the world's electrical will to its knees, that he's willing to prevent its use in bringing the Cold War to a close.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fight the monster of pay and or cable tv in an awesome retro anti-cable tv advertisement shown to a paying movie theater audience.* 3 stars

======================================================

Star Wars Rebels: Rise of the Old Masters *A Sith inquisitor lures roam Jedi to their doom, using the bones of a Jedi Master.the Empire is putting out false distress signals saying that the master is alive and in need of a prison escape rescue.* 3 stars

TMNT: The Croaking *After watching Thundarr the Barbarian, Mikey spazzes out and destroys the farmhouse. When scolded, flees to the forest where he encounters Napoleon Bonafrog (voiced by Napoleon Dynamite) who happens to be the outcast of his own tree-frog human-hating society.* 3 stars

Everything is Terrible --Halloween Bonus-- --2012-- =========================

*Cosby Nightmarez: Bill takes a break from drugging women to have his own bad dream.* 3 stars

*Tim Curry Halloween Song: A crooning wizard makes the witches howl.* 3 stars

*Vincent Price: An elderly icon shills 3D film cameras.* 2 stars

*3 Minute Grandpa is a Vampire: Grandpa Munster hangs out with his radical 90s grandson and his grandson's friend while grandma tries to cheat on him and put a stake thru his old heart.* 2 1/2 stars

*Boogie Bonez: "Knick Knack Paddywhack"* 3 stars

*Death Spa: Don't let an exorcist hacker control your electronic gym, if you're a cheating ex and give memberships to jerk yuppies.* 3 stars

*Halloween Propaganda: "Every Halloween, children are dying."* 3 stars

*Lovely Little Monster: Anne Rice chick hip hop. Dance routine sign language. Rick James voodoo zombie. Bathsalt freakout Twilight romance.* 3 stars

*Pops Ghostly: A Casper family man vents on his family's hellcat home invasion frustration.* 2 1/2 stars

*Punkinman: The Bob Villa (this old house) / Bob Ross (happy clouds painter) of stickin' it in a pumpkin and getting the best out.* 2 1/2 stars

*Zombie Workout: Spunky Linnea Quigley criticizes the falling apart shape of the undead and has them working out their rotten flesh.* close to 3 stars

*3 Minute Ghosthouse: A Back to the Future Michael J. Fox wannabe look-a-like goes up against some zany frighteners.* 3 stars

======================================================================

Z Nation: Doctor of the Dead *Not much soap opera for a zombie series finale, mostly just zombie stuff. A shadowy scientist running around globally, pre zombie outbreak, conducting gruesome, and unknown for purposes, field experiments. Creepy CDC style medical lab, in Colorado, filled with zombie testing gone wrong. Tiny Asian chick is dying but comes back as a kung fu z with Alice from Resident Evil maneuvers (not a big fan of that). Cameo from the doomed lovers to show they'll be back next season (Oh, great... yawn). And a big finish cliffhanger with Murphy "shedding his skin" (could be creepy and great) and running off leaving everyone else, including Citizen Z at the North Pole, to stare dumbly at their impending demise which is nuclear missiles dropping in to say hi.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 14 "My Guests Are Mannequins" ---------------

*Antonio, Tone Loc's cousin, volunteers to help park rangers clean the roadkill off of a bridge that a Chupacabra lives under.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*A 'You Betcha' cocktail waitress serves cheeze and ritz crackers to a honky's stuffy mannequin party guests and is scared to refuse his offer to "Party Forever" with him.* 3 stars

*A crematorium trainee turns white as a ghost, and he was black to begin with, when he flips the flame switch and a woman's husband pops out still alive just crispy.* 3 stars

==============================================================

X Files: Conduit *Alien abductee or possible runaway of ill-refute and her baby brother who can read into the matrix.* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Raimi presents American Gothic: Pilot Episode *What if Sheriff Andy Taylor were a controlling psycho who'd go as far as framing his own deputy, Barney, for murder, and what if Opie had a William Faulkner and Ambrose Bierce childhood...?* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "The Wraith" (Summer School Session - Driver's Education with the author of the NYC cab driver joke book) *It was inevitable that the spirit of the American Highway would be symbolized by a fiery car crash.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Caught in the Act *A college virgin, Alyssa Milano, gives the worst case of blue balls, until an alien parasite turns her into a raging nympho succubus.* 2 stars slipping towards 1 1/2 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 11 *A nice, retired, Queens NY lady needed the Penn State crew and a noted medium, in demons, to tell her to stop trying to contact the dead through the use of evp.* 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: The Burglary *The couple get a little too greedy, themselves, after their old stuff gets stolen and they have to replace it with all new stuff.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: A, B, and C *Number 6 continues to be defiant, even in his dreams. Dreams that The Village is now determined to surveillance.* 3 stars

Mike Tyson Mysteries: Is Magic Real? *Mike is the only non skeptic concerning Mexican leprechauns.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Dong of the Dead *Two words... butt auditions.* 3 stars

Ken Russell's "Crimes of Passion" *It's sleazy Charles Bukowski meets Russ Meyer. Kathleen Turner is a Gloria Steinem behind a glory hole. Anthony Perkins is like a Jerry Falwell who jerks off to crime scene photos of the Black Dahlia. And John Laughlin is Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor who can't get his jackhammer plugged into a hot electrical outlet.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Can World War 3 Be An Attitude? *"You're okay. I'm okay. We're okay. Okay?"* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Security Systems *A way ahead of its time investigative look at security organizations (*cough* the N.S.A. *cough*) and how complete access to so much information, personal and otherwise, can only lead to that kind of knowledge being abusively used.* 3 stars

South Park: Cock Magic *Magic the Gathering greater than girls volleyball.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Freakshow- "Bloodbath" *From the head to the legs. From the body to the mind.* 2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: "The Time Machine" 1960 *Joe Bob and Rusty the mail girl demonstrate worm hole theory using a dirty bedsheet and a bowling ball. Meanwhile, Rod Taylor zips from turn of the 20th century England to thousands of years in the future where angelic, naive youth live in a garden of eden paradise as cattle for cavern dwelling commie cannibals.* 3 stars

Farscape: Til the Blood Runs Clear *Being the 'big dog' with a pair of Beavis & Butthead moron bloodhound bounty hunters, and getting ripped off at a spacecraft repair shop ran by a Roseanne type.* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Wizard Wars *The cybernetic oversized head of a warlock Fred Flinstone uses hypnotized sandpeople as slaves to lay siege on another magician's desert stronghold.* 3 stars

Tosh.0 -Who Shot Black Santa? -2014 *The greatest Christmas present is hot cocoa served with love.* 2 1/2 stars

SyFy presents "End of the World" 2014 *Generic doomsday movie junkies, who work at a videostore, must break a scientist (Brad Dourif) out of the nuthouse so that he can help them save the world from being destroyed by a heliosphere.* 1 1/2 stars for aesthetics and special fx 2 stars for plot and characters and 2 1/2 stars for oddly humorous moments like hicks with guns getting in the way of nerds that are mankind's only hope, and randomly timed deaths

Tru Tv presents: World's Smartest Inventions 11 *Using robots for end of life care. No shame in hanging from a tree, on a hiking trail, and pooping, or standing on a sidewalk and pissing out the bottom of pant legs using a tube. Or having a doctor recommend to "ice the balls" in order to conceive, so a guy runs out and invents chilled underwear.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible --Christmas Bonus-- 2012 --------------------------

*Snowdogs vs. Chillydogs: They're basically the same movie, give or take a few minor differences.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hanukkah Homeboy: "Don't noodge me."* 2 1/2 stars

*Celebrity Guide to X-Mas: Ed Begley Jr. can't relax his environmental beliefs in order to not ruin Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

*Dr. Christmas: Artificial tree tips for a superficial Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

*Gerbert Christmas Wish: A muppet's melancholy holiday.* 2 1/2 stars

*Holiday Showtime: Branson, Missouri is holiday purgatory.* 3 stars

*Jingle Cats: Make a joyful noise unto the Lord.* 3 stars

*Lawrence Welk Holiday Song: From now on our troubles will be miles awayayayaya.* 2 stars

*Natural Professional Tree: Step back and check for a natural appearance.* 2 stars

*Visit with Santa: Santa Q & A with dumb kids.* 3 stars

*Brent the Christmas Bear: Marvin Gaye gaiety.* 3 stars

*Glitter n Gold: A plea for puppet peace and relationship harmony.* 3 stars

*Kathy Lee Hip Hop: Horrid.* 1 star

*2 Minute Parental Guidance: Deck the halls and shake dat ass.* 3 stars

*Reggae Deck the Halls: Farmyard follalollalah.* 2 1/2 stars

*Santa with Muscles: Scrooge Ed Begley Jr. wants to close down the orphanage and exploit the kids as elf miners, but not if amnesiac, department store Santa Hulk Hogan has anything to say about it.* 2 1/2 stars

*X-Mas Nightmare 2012: Santa can't be asked to do the impossible, like alleviating the cynicism that comes with adulthood.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fuck Christmas: A humble shoemaker has had it up to here with the holidays, in this heartwarming tale.* 3 stars

*Chipper's X-Mas Adventure: A chipmunk goes crazy when his treehome is chopped down by joyous honkys.* 3 stars

*E.T. Porno: Smell E.T.'s finger.* 2 1/2 stars

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Freddy's Nightmares: The Bride Wore Red *A groom's cold feet get raked over hot coals. Also, rappin' Freddy.* 2 stars *For the bride with daddy issues, divorce is a fate worse than death.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Thing from the Grave *A lesson about not getting in between a no-nonsense, jealous boyfriend with a short-fuse (Miguel Ferrer) and his prized piece of cooze (Teri Garr). That is unless one has a charm necklace that can bring a vengeful corpse back from its shallow grave.* 3 stars

"Mirror Mirror" -1991- *A shy ugly duckling begins to flower when she embraces her dark reflection.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Asylum- "I Am Anne Frank" *Auschwitz. Axe murder. Aversion therapy. Amputee monstrosity. Acceptance of guilt. Absentee motherhood. Alcoholic relapse. Alien abduction. Alma's alive!* 3 stars

Lars Von Trier's "Melancholia" *3 stars for gorgeously moody photography and score. 2 1/2 stars for symbolism (melancholia is here to stay). 2 stars for rogue planet collision apocalypse scenario. 1 1/2 stars for insufferable characters (mopey rich women). 1 star for pretentiousness 1/2 a star for snail pacing (2 hours felt like 5 hours). zero stars for jerky handheld camerwork

Gargoyles: Enter MacBeth *Another MacBeth who likes to do things on his own turf, and yet again all because of a lady.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: -season 3 -episode 5 *"The birds have scales and the fish take wing."* 3 stars

Paranormal State: -season 1 -episode 12 *A psychic can't get her stories straight when it comes to a former schoolhouse's spirits. Credit to the Penn State crew for seeing through her b.s.* 2 stars

The Outer Limits: The Voyage Home *On the first manned mission to mars, a space bug is snagged, and one giant step for mankind turns into a suicidal leap.* 2 1/2 stars

Scare Tactics: The Chef Cooks a Human --------------

*Safe installation turns out to be a safe cracking burglary.* 2 1/2 stars

*Rear Window scenario where peeping at a neighbor who is an escort loses its thrill when she stabs an abusive client and informs her big heavy pimp that there are witnesses to the crime.* 2 1/2 stars

*Finding a ring in the hamburger meat and a bloody, armless dude in the freezer.* 3 stars

*Parents meet their teenage son's new girlfriend and find out she's already pregnant, but only it's from an alien, not the teenage son.* 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Russell Mulcahy's "The Shadow" -1994- *Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Alec Baldwin knows.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: From Beyond the Grave *"See the ship, hear it speak from deep down in the hold." Lyrics from a song sang by Jim's dead grandma. Words directing Jim, and his mom, to granny's last will and testament, hidden, in the swamp, so that Arcane can't take possession of her property and pollute and further exploit it.* 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: -season 1 -episode 4 *Dream perchance debenture.* 2 1/2 stars

"Slipstream" *A loveable scoundrel (Bill Paxton) steals away a messiah-like android, from a hardline bountyhunter (Mark Hammil), on a journey across a windswept wasteland in a post-cataclysm story filled with hot air balloons, small airplanes, and eccentric nomads.* 2 1/2 stars

Christmas with Rifftrax: Santa's Village of Madness / K. Gordan Murray shorts *Never has the mythology of Saint Nick been more mucked with.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Jonny Quest: Werewolf of the Timberland *Gold smuggling lumberjacks in the French Canadian forest.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Shopping *"Cheese of the week." The convenient inconvenience of supermarkets.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Alan Wide Shut *"Hot floppy bread." Needless to say, Alan had the last laugh. Now, fuck off!.* 3 stars

True Life: I Want Respect For My Sect *A Juggalo bride's parents opt out of their daughter's Juggalo themed wedding. Pretentious vampires, in the pretentious Texas city of Austin, have a coming out party in order to gain new members and understanding. A cute 18 year old "furry" seems genuinely happy to have her parents acceptance at being able to attend her first convention.* 2 stars

Ghost Adventures: Dungeons & Demons *"Something just grabbed my ass!" The three bros travel to some of the world's most tainted holes.* 2 stars

Adventure Time: Holly Jolly Secrets *Deciphering the Ice King's weirdo home movies becomes a holiday tradition.* 2 stars

Farscape: Rhapsody in Blue *Madness is the mind's co-pilot.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

X Files: The Jersey Devil *Naked Neanderthals on the outskirts of Atlantic City.* 3 stars

12:01 Beyond: Kneel Before the Future ----------------------

*D.O.A. - Behind the Smile: Things are looking bright for election 2016.* 3 stars

*Commander Lobo trips and falls heading out to the wasteland.* 2 stars

*Ninja Force, the Mission: Bacon jitsu vs. cheese.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Silverball Heroes versus Video Invaders in Arcade Attack* 3 stars

*Lobo in the wasteland sponsored by...* 2 1/2 stars

*A vintage trailer for Terminal City Ricochet.* 3 stars

*-984- Prisoner of the Future: Detained to desolation.* 3 stars

*Lobo thirsts and pines in the wasteland.* 3 stars

*Intimate Secrets - Secrets that have to be told - 1 900 - adults only - $2.00 per minute* 3 stars

*iBraineater - Modern Man (music video)* 3 stars

*JacMac & RadBoy GO!: Wow, did Mike Judge rip this off?* 3 stars

*Commander Lobo finds ThunderDome covered in feces.* 3 stars

*Robotistory: A video history of robots in pop culture entertainment.* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo wants to go back home to his bunker.* 2 stars

*Max Fleischer's Superman - The Mechanical Monsters* 3 stars

*Vintage 1990 Live Psychic Readings commercial that's in the style of the X-Files intro. Eerie nostalgia.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures serial The Crimson Ghost - Chapter 2 - Thunderbolt: Death ray escape debacle.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tex Avery's Jerky Turkey: Skipped. already viewed and reviewed

*Lobo has a biohazard demise.* 2 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------

Tales from the Crypt: The Sacrifice *"Money, pussy, and bullshit." Also a few cussing parrots and a sleazy & kinky Michael Ironside.* 3 stars

"Howling 4, the Original Nightmare" *A novelist, with a vivid imagination, would rather chase the ghost of a nun, hangout with a lesbian ex-nun and search for clues to a legend of a werewolf church burning, and listen to howls on the wind in the night than have sex with her feathered-hair-do, five o'clock shadow bearded bohunk cheating husband.* 2 stars

American Horror Story -Freakshow- "Tupperware Party Massacre" *Avon culling. Chubby Chaser. Liquored lobster. Lingering Ethel. Privileged killer. Suicide letter. Shamelessly long pecker. Playing doctor. Tearjerker. Siamese threeway offer rejection. Jimmy sober and smitten. Framejob bloody mitten.* 2 1/2 to 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: The Great Montarro *Sarcophagus artifice.* 3 stars

"Dragonslayer" 1981 *Not the sorcerer that we want right now, but the sorcerer that we need. The lottery where the winner gets spit-roasted by Smaug has to be the absolute worst. There may have never been more themes of gender inequality, social-political injustice, and the transition between Paganism and Christianity ever before in a Sword & Sorcery flick.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: -season 1 -episode 13 *Cursed and mice infested piano for free on Craigslist.* 2 to 1 1/2 stars

Bob and Margaret: Trick or Treat *"the misery of eternal non-existence"* 2 1/2 stars

"Loose Shoes" -1980- ---------------------------------------------------

*The Howard Huge Story: "His hobby was watching planes fuck."* 3 stars

*Skateboarders From Hell: "Lock up your sons and daughters."* 3 stars

*The Invasion of the Penis Snatchers: "Coming at you in 3-D!"* 3 stars

*Three Chairs For Lefty: Bill Murray on death row.* 3 stars

*The Sneaker: Woody Allen parody.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Magic and Mystery of the Gobi* 3 stars

*Buddy Hackett on behalf of this nation's bed-wetters* 3 stars

*Don't forget organic chocolate covered beanettes.* 2 1/2 stars

*Ditch your kids at the matinee.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Shaggy Studio Chief plus the Calf Who Thought She Was A Chicken* 2 stars

*The Bad News Bares in Getting Laid* 3 stars

*A Visit With Ma and Pa: Ma and Pa take a talking pig to New York City* 3 stars

*The Birth of a Nation, parody* 2 1/2 stars

*The Kid and the Yid. Charlie the bum was a hebrew commie jew* 3 stars

*The Ballerina Is Dead in "Scuffed Shoes"* 2 1/2 stars

*Just a Run in the Sun: Cynical and funny war tragedy story.* 3 stars

*Fistful of Something: Sid Haig in a Spaghetti Western spoof.* 3 stars

*Welcome to Bacon County: Hicksploitation hilarity.* 3 stars

*That's Sexploitation! Under 18 must sneak in.* 3 stars

*The Return of the Pom Pom Boys: Sex comedy with a twist. This time it's the guys who are getting exploited.* 3 stars

*Billy Jerk Goes To Oz: Sticking up for the little man.* 3 stars

*Darktown After Dark: The first all black musical.* 3 stars

*Star (of David) Wars* 2 1/2 stars

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scare Tactics: season 2 -episode 20 "Weirdo in the Haunted House" ----------

*Taking high school chemistry doesn't make one a chemist, especially evident when green goop, accidentally poured down the sink, by said non-chemist, comes gushing through the ceiling, doors, cracks, vents, and walls.* 3 stars

*Almost torched alive, in a van, by a psycho hitchhiker.* 3 stars

*Stripper audition interrupted by a jealous, meathead boyfriend who likes to throw guys out of windows.* 2 1/2 stars

*A closed down haunted house attraction, and former crime scene, has an uninvited guest who doesn't want to be disturbed.* 2 stars

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Phantasm 4, Oblivion" *On the other side of morning.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: War *Network 23's poodle and pony show has the advertising bulls and bears instead hitching up to the war hysteria for profit media wagon.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The New Breed *Nanobots don't know when to stop. They turn a terminally ill man into a Frankenstein's monster of evolution.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Do Dreams Bleed? *The lingering trauma of having witnessed a brutal slaying.* 2 1/2 stars *Intimate personal closeness with a possible deranged killer can play foul with the mind.* 2 stars

"The Blair Witch Project" *"We're still alive because we got cigarettes, and we're smoking." Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians have a Deliverance weekend where they get choked in the shallow waters before they get too deep. The grunge era Autumn setting, lost in the woods paranoia, and low fi minimalist creative use of limited fx (stick figures and bundles of sticks with bloody body parts along with the noises and the spooky house) make up for the film students arguing in the middle of nowhere with a shaking camera nonsense that takes place for more than half of the film.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

X Files: Shadows *Mulder: *whispering* psycho-kinetic-manipulation / Scully: *amused* You mean like Carrie at the prom? --- Turns out it was a Ghost versus some terrorists and a jerk boss. Also, a missed opportunity to have Patrick Swayze as a guest star on the X Files.* 2 1/2 stars

"Alice Sweet Alice" -1977- *Impolite middle class Catholic society, cruel aunts, spoiled siblings, flamboyantly slobbish perverts, snap to judgement child psychologists, and pinch faced old church women with religious hangups are all worse than slightly odd and so called out of control tweens. Also, it's a shame that Brooke Shields' name is at the top of the movie's poster. She's barely in it, and the other little girl along with the rest of the cast are the soul of the movie.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Girls Town *Scat and slang.* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars with riffing, between 1 1/2 & 2 stars without

Joe Bob's Hollywood Saturday Night: To The Limit *"Anna Nicole Smith gives retired, Texas strippers a bad name." Joe Bob Briggs* between 1 and 1 1/2 stars for this heavy edited softcore stinker

Weird Science: She's Alive *"a scathing indictment of a braindead, sexist MTV generation" 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Phantom Cab *The Midnight Society start out by having a pair of lost Hansel & Hansel brothers putting a hole in a barrel out in the Canadian forest with a reject teacher from Hogwarts.* 3 stars

American Gothic: A Tree Grows In Trinity *Let Heaven and nature sting.* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show on Canadian television circa 1996(?) *"Who's the champ -NOW- champ?" Tom strangely bothers teachers on strike, concert goers, drugists, mall shoppers, poor fishermen, and former bowling league champions. He also plays footsie with a dating service lady.* 2 stars

Kung Fu, the series: Pilot Episode *Sometimes one must cut off a finger in order to save a hand, and sometimes one must hang himself in order to get off. Inner strength incapacitates ignorance.* 3 stars

"Country Hooker" *In the tune of a CB radio listenin' truck drivin' country western croon, "Doin' what they damn well please..." That is until their demented Tennessee Ernie Ford -esque pimpdaddy finds out. There are some freaks in this flick, and I don't mean the tricks, it's the johns and the honky tonk patrons.* 2 1/2 stars

"Christmas Evil" aka "You Better Watch Out" *If it's not a Jolly Dream, it's not worth having.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Village of the Giants *These days, kids are getting too big for their britches. Of course, I'm talking about a Mousketeer, Opie, the kid from The Rifleman, and Beau Bridges.* 3 stars with riffing or 2 stars without

Tales from the Crypt: For Cryin' Out Loud *A real high pitched squealer with a weasel, rock promoter whose clients like Iggy Pop and Donny Osmond get on his nerves, a seductress blackmailer Katey Sagal trying to reach in his pants to snatch half of a million smackers, and an angry voice of reason Sam Kinison screaming his tell tell heart out constantly.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

New World Pictures "Candy Stripe Nurses" 1974 *A socially conscious skin-flick with sophisticated modern women who are smarter than the bohunks they seduce, Gran Torino type bitter old men griping about the decline of their local neighborhoods, commentary on a flawed justice system for minorities, student athlete doping controversy, medical malpractice issuing of needless prescriptions scandal, sexually repressed and spoiled rockstar, seventees era streaking, existential conversations while flirting, and just enough hospital setting hanky panky.* 3 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Bitchcraft" *The part where Darren walked in on Tabitha going down on Elvira while Melissa Joan Hart cut herself with a razor blade for attention and the cast of Designing Women boiled that poor black guy (Meshach Taylor) alive in a caldron... hocus whoa...cus* 2 1/2 stars

Doctor Who (fourth doctor) "Pyramid of Mars" *Imprisoned ancient gods are always showing up in the isolated British countryside and killing 3 or 4 old men in their plot to destroy the world. Thanks to the Doctor, nobody else in the world ever notices.* 2 1/2 stars

TMNT: Mazes & Mutants *A lonely live action roleplayer gasses the turtles so that he can play a game with them in the sewers.* 2 1/2 stars

He-Man & She-Ra, A Christmas Special *Horde Prime wishes to stop Orko and two adorable Earth children from bringing the gospel of Chris Cringle to Eternia. Special guests the Smurf Transformers, the Eternian Decepticons, the Little Mermaid, and Skeletor's heart grew 3 sizes that day.* 2 1/2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Pinball Wizard *Super-soaker, now that's playing with power. A compulsive free play gamer gets trapped in the mall, inside a pinball machine, with a princess in distress, and is Sixpence None the Richer for it.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: The Shipment *Arcane corrupts the local law enforcement into mutant trafficking and the crooked Sheriff helps kidnap Jim, fake Jim's death, and ship Jim off to South America. We finally get to see Swamp Thing show some physical muscle in a brawl with a stunt man and it's revealed what had to be painfully obvious all along, that the town had to have a corrupt police force in order for Arcane to be doing so many vile things without it coming to legal light.* 3 stars

"Neon City" 1991 *A disgruntled, former lawman (Michael Ironside) begrudgingly runs protection for a RV stagecoach of ragtag wayfarers across the cursed earth.* 2 1/2 stars

The Outer Limits: The Message *Binary E.T. S.O.S. for a deaf woman with a defective ear implant and new mother depression along with voices in her head making the domestic partner daddy think she's schizoid because she runs off with a looney janitor / UFO believer.* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Warlock the Armageddon *Runes and Druids. Smalltown fear and hatred of devil worship. Two young should destined to be lovers who are kept apart by ignorance and circumstance. Parents of the picturesque smalltown trying to protect a dark secret. Some horribly dated CGI (forgivable). Nice and twistedly gruesome gore fx to make up for the bad CGI. A charismatic villain (Julian Sands) who is just as good as Marvel's Loki (Tom Hiddleston).* 2 1/2 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 14 *In a house that was once a part of the underground railroad, there's a clash of values between a modern inter-racial family and a strict religious spirit of a lady who was an abolitionist.* 2 stars

"Home for the Holidays" 1972 *"There's nothing more chilling than a warm family gathering." An And Then There Were None style story at a stormy, secluded setting where the more stable sibling is the most sinister.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

--- Freddy's Nightmares: The End of the World

*Hazy earliest memories are repressed because they involve accidentally killing mommy and crippling a childhood friend, but a girl discovers she can dream things differently and it will fix the present. But unfortunately, there's a butterfly effect.* 2 1/2 stars

*The same girl, from before, is now having prophetic dreams of a nuclear warhead going off on U.S. soil. The C.I.A. is extra curious as to how she got launch codes, and once they figure out she's not fooling or getting tipped off from the inside, well they want to exploit her in their cold war pursuits, while she just wants to make sure that a disturbed sleepwalking missile defense employee doesn't make his Christmas nightmares of melting his son's favorite cartoon character Gumby's face off along with his own son's innocent face as well come true.* 3 stars

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"Class of 1984" *An irresponsible idiot subjects his pregnant wife to a brutal gang rape and torture all because he wants to be an inspirational music educator at one of those imaginary innercity hell highschools where he can't help but feud with the worst gang in a school that has its disciplinary hands tied with the usual red tape bullshit. This was way before zero tolerance. When teach has to turn vigilante just to earn 30k a year, a mild mannered biology professor (Roddy McDowall) has to hold a gun on his pupils just to get their focus on his lessons, and a timid tattle tell (Michael J. Fox) winds up shanked in the liver, just to name a few things, there might be good reason to move back to a smalltown or the suburbs and spare the rod.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Fists of the White Lotus *White Lotus can't be touched because he fights hammer style. A lesson about a gentle approach and pinpointing the right pulse.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics: season 2 episode 22 "Mom's Crazy" -------------

*Little grey men nick around a ranch house near area 51.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

*Falling into a wanted by the government hacker's booby trap.* 2 1/2 stars

*Having a nice evening with a psycho park ranger.* 2 1/2 stars

*Mommie dearest keeps her abducted little girl in a cage.* 3 stars

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"Ultra Flesh" 1980 *Sugar (cocaine?) is making the world's men impotent and the President of the United States pays a visit to a third world dictator (Jamie Gillis) whose people seem to have no problem snorting and screwing. Secretly, however, the dictator is a Mr. Freeze type alien who uses his dwarf henchmen to plot against the earth women. An intergalactic group of horny aliens send down Ultra Flesh, a vixen from Venus, to shoot laser beams out of her poonanny and help earth propagate again.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: Free For All *Who are you voting for? Which puppet candidate will it be? "You wouldn't deny the rite of proper procedure?"* 3 stars

New World Pictures presents Larry Cohen's "God Told Me To" --1976-- *Urban upheaval caused by a lot of gristle in the melting pot. The doggedly determined forced by personal convictions that are of soul tearing origins. The easily swayed are proned to random acts of violence. The new age fortunate are full of fallacy with their fancy notions. And the pitiful and holy are just as much victims as they inadvertently victimize others in their own inability to face up to the burden of consequences that come with cruel circumstance.* 3 stars

X Files: Ghost in the Machine *Interfacing Promethean resistively. The machine is dead. Long live the machine.* 2 1/2 stars

"Silent Night, Bloody Night" --1972-- *A season of violence come to bare its withered, ugly fruit. The sepia soaked orgy of murder by the mental patients along with the undertones of incest, then father assuming the identity of his dead daughter, whom he fathered a child with, is all rather haunting/disturbing.* close to 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 15 *The spirit of a war veteran still haunts the barn where he committed suicide after a alzheimer's diagnosis. So, the team brings in an army honor guard to have a memorial service where a piece of his skull was buried, by his wife, on the property. Also, a little boy, from before the middle of the 20th century, who died of the croop, on the property, is sensed as just a mischevious spirit by medium Chip Coffey.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Open House" *Squint and bite down. There will be no sale. These spirits won't be built over, smothered out, skull fucked, love requited, or made to polish their own silver again.* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Twilight Zone the movie *John Landis does okay thanks to the tragically killed Vic Morrow . Spielberg can only do schmaltzy Spielberg. Joe Dante puts some thrilling touches on a classic. Lithgow trumps Shatner in the freakout department, but none of these outings are as good as Rod Serling and the original.* 2 1/2 stars

Everything is Terrible --Holiday Special-- -2012- *"He sees you eat your pizza. He sees you eat your pizza."* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Four-Sided Triangle *The sour couple from the Grant Wood American Gothic painting think they can hold captive a farmgirl to do all their chores. And Patricia Arquette is sure purty enough to make the crops grow. But the farmer's horny ignorance coupled with his wife's jealous mean streak are no match for the cow milking maiden's cleverness.* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show on Canadian television circa the late 1990s *Somewhere between Andy Kaufman and the geek who bites the heads off chickens at the county fair.* close to 2 1/2 stars

William Peter Blatty's "The Ninth Configuration" --1980-- *"Consider the lillies of the field."* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Double Jeopardy *"You figure that you're owed something for all the love and compassion that you carry in you..." A liberal cop comes face to face with the harsh reflection of reality in an oily mudpuddle on the other side of the rainbow. One of many storyline elements including Dan Hedaya as a dirty cop who turns out surprisingly to be easily deeply sympathetic for.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Dead Talk Back *A model murdered by crossbow. Was it the amateur necromancer, the hip richboy, the confrontational preacher, the quiet abuser, the German pervert, or the nervous pornographer? If the dead girl can't tell us, we'll never know. Detective work depends on kooky science and no forensic nonsense.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

"The Conjuring" --2013-- *It's surprising to learn that famed demonologists The Warrens were actually selfless truthseekers and not the scam artists they were proven to be.* close to 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Dreadful Doll *Witchdoctor Beavis working for a mercenary Fred Flintstone.* 2 1/2 stars

"Phase IV" --1974-- *The perceived terror of a terrrestrial advancement not our own.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: I Robot *What is the value of conceived worth? Adam Link, the first sentient robot, has an amount of quality, as relating to empathy, greater than most humans.* 3 stars

South Park: #Rehash *Commentary and clit rubbing, both by obnoxious social media celebrities, is the entertainment content of the future.* 3 stars

South Park: #Happy Holograms *The most ignorant Christas special ever is now trending.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Birth Marks *Kari Wuhrer joins the cast as a test tube teen, and Jim's older brother -Will- becomes the central character as ST's link to the human world.* 2 1/2 stars

"Rewind This" --2013-- *"Don't let your mom tell you that you can't make a monster movie." *quoting* a door to door monster movie salesman and the self proclaimed Ed Wood of the 21st century. That pretty much sums up the 30 plus year culture, that became a cult, of video.* 3 stars

"Forced Entry" --1974-- *One of the first movies to deal with post traumatic stress disorder also happens to be a gritty 1970s NYC serial killer study mixed with a sleazy 42nd street rough porno. This is when skin flicks tried to be film art and this one is bold enough to juxtapose a home invasion sicko's forced oral money shot with scenes of burning Vietnamese villages and crying villagers.* either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

David Cronenberg's "Dead Ringers" *One never has to feel alone what with shared life experiences, sexual opponents, the psychic connection between siblings, or the prescribed lifeline of addiction.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Universal Remote *Skipping through the boring parts of life just to hurry up and get to second base with girls.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric -Awesome Show- Great Job! ---Chrimbus Special--- -2010- *"The Winter Man wants you to eat a pound of hair per year."* close to 2 1/2 stars

Bob & Margaret: The Holiday *Hijacked hip hip hooray.* 3 stars

Thundarr the Barbarian: Battle of the Barbarians *Big barbarians in little Beijing.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 -episode 6 *There's more than one way to kindle a fire, skin a rabbit, marry into an inbred family, serve a deity, shoot arrows, inflict torture, or climb an icy face of a wall.* 3 stars

Twin Peaks: Beyond Life and Death *Wow, Bob, Wow!* 3 stars

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community TV- The Comedy Network --1998(?)-- *Tom Green seemed funny when I was around sixteen, now, sixteen years later, he seems more like a shithead.* either zero stars or 2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Nightly Neighbors *The people who just moved in next door are nocturnal freaks with fridges full of blood in their basement. A Nickelodeon version of Fright Night.* 2 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Doctor Jack *The key to a disgraced surgeon's miracle surgeries is a scalpel that hungers for shadowy street murders.* 3 stars

Farscape: The Flax *Scavenging, self preservation, strategic chessgames, sweet romance, and sacrifice all at the flypaper snare strip in the pirate portion of the universe.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: The Blanks *The Blanks (anonymous), for highly justified political reasons of freeing unjustly imprisoned Blanks, hack into and threatened to shut down a technology dependent society ran by corrupt corporations and politicians.* 3 stars

X Files: Ice *Who goes there? Another tense, paranoid version of the classic sci fi story involving a parasitic alien in an arctic setting.* 3 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 -episode 5 *Memorial shrine to regretful medical malpractice.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Asylum --Origins of Monstrosity-- *Skin to skin. A mother's touch.* 3 stars --Dark Cousin-- *Summon the angel of death.* 3 stars --Unholy Night-- *Satan frees Santa from solitary.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 16 *A strange, and humorously titled, ghost communication device called "Frank's Box" is used to speak to spirits trapped by a demon inside an insane asylum with a dark history and many unmarked graves on its grounds.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"The Dark Secret of Harvest Home" *"What men may never know and what women may never tell." Townies from NYC accidentally take a wrong turn across a picturesque covered bridge into a frozen in colonial times New England village where the townfolk have strange customs involving corn and keeping to the old ways. The more the inquisitive sketch artist husband digs into the secrets surrounding a strange death, the more the mother and daughter get caught up in the cult nature of the many festivals. It turns out to be a fertility cult where the new blood wife is mounted and humped in front of the cuckold hubbie by a bohunk who is then beheaded. As tradition, the husband's eyes are then scratched out by the white robed pagan women for having witnessed the sacred act. See, this is why I fully throw my hat behind the patriarchy and not mother earth religions.* 3 stars

"Hot Summer in the City" ---sexploitation--- --1976-- *While a soundtrack of songs like AM radio gold classic "Everlasting Love" played as militant black power jive bruthas took turns on a scared Alice in Wonderland captive piece of "white pussy" and the group's cockeyed idiot gets brow beaten and bitch slapped for getting his "finger stuck in her asshole," I realized why this movie is self hating, w.a.s.p. hating, obvious subversive, ugly mongoloid looking Quentin Tarantino's favorite dirty movie.* either zero stars or close to 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Boy Parts" *Extra piece of fried chicken. Frankenstein boyfriend. Ghetto hair extensions. 180 year old racist. Poisoned buckwheat. Alligator dung. Snake eggs. Stevie Nicks. Deep fried revenge. Poaching game. Minotaur Mandingo. Woman on top.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

King of the Nerds: Imaginary Realms *Cosplay challenge. The only cosplay that ever interested me was the scene from Revenge of the Nerds where there's spacesuit deception in order to get nookie from a cheerleader inside a moonwalk attraction at the fair.* 2 stars

Kung Fu, the series: King of the Mountain *Confrontation is not courageous, but it is indeed cool when it is combat, on the side of a cliff, between David Carradine and a cowboy bounty hunter John Saxon.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Eye of the Beholder *Faust Gump* 3 stars

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