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#a goddamn TAPEWORM
fall-out-boytoy · 2 months
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will wood is like [piano intro] [great dance beat] [sample from moderately famous tv show/movie] [very catchy melody but if you look at the lyrics he is listing the DSM in alphabetical order] [saxophone] [one-liner that strikes you dead] [guttural screaming] [spoken word, listing the DSM in reverse alphabetical order] [the worst sensory sound you've ever heard in your goddamn life, repeated four times, makes you violently stim] and the song is called something like Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer’s Prosopagnosia/Pareidolia (As Direct Result of Trauma to the Fusiform Gyrus)
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willstapeworms · 6 months
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yall reminded me of my old will wood blinkies post so i made more enjoy you gremlins https://blinkies.cafe/ if you wanna make some yourself
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the-ritalin-rats · 10 months
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i put autism on my graduation cap
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dib-thing-wannabe · 3 months
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I wish I was dead
I wish I was dead
Well, someone has to
GOOOOOOOOO
I WANNA MAKE MY MURDER LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE
BUT THEY'LL ALL KNOW
THEY'LL ALL KNOW
THEY'LL ALL KNOW THAT THE BODY'S MINE
I WANNA MAKE MY BODY IMPOSSIBLE TO IDENTIFY
BUT THEY'LL ALL KNOW
THEY'LL ALL KNOW
THEY'LL ALL KNOW THAT THE BODY'S MINE
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a-mimic-and-a-jester · 4 months
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reblog this with one of ur favorite lyrics from a song
"I woke up in the middle of my surgery, and I watched them botch my heart!!" -White knuckle jerk, Will Wood and the Tapeworms
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ghostisredacted · 1 year
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helping will wood pay his rent by having his whole discography playing in the bg as im dying of headaches
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ra1ny-daze · 1 year
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man, what a gender :)
watercolors r fun and i may be mildly obsessed with this silly music man
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strigital · 4 months
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For a split second, he’s overcome with overwhelming nostalgia. An echo of a dream or a memory of a memory... A rooftop view, a cityscape bathed in neon and starlight. Midnight breeze fresh with petrichor and dying hope. A feeling of weightlessness, of things done, of long-awaited closure. A long chat about life, heartfelt laughter, and a few cold ones. "Funny how we're sitting here, facing the end." "Mhm. The irony is top tier. Never thought we'd have a rooftop date, did you?" "A date, huh? Shit, if I knew this was a date, I woulda worn something nicer..." "Ain't about the threads, V. It's about the company. And tonight, as it were, the company's superb." Cold metal palm against the bony shoulder and the thumping of a heart becomes more deafening than the echo of a rocket launch somewhere in the distance. The thought of an ending comes to mind and it hurts, it hurts worse than a white-hot knife against the skin...
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blodeuweddschild · 10 days
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Now I’ve got a job and am making money I can buy myself little treats without feeling crippling guilt (saw a book by Chuck Tingle and had no choice in buying it or not and I’ve wanted to read something by Alison Rumfitt for a while now)
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viviook · 1 year
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That anon now has me thinking of Claude with pube feathers I am in tears 😭😭
L i s t en
His dick is hidden down there in his feathers.
That's it. that's all how it works
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lichencoatedboulder · 2 years
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happy 10 days until the new will wood album (and happy birthday to the man the myth the legend (who made the upcoming album) himself)
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mars-ipan · 1 year
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why am i hungry AGAIN
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iceemybeloved · 2 years
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ive always questioned if i held myself in contempt, and if i knew someone who teared hair off of a black baboons skull who had four-thousand names
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itsclydebitches · 10 months
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A new stupid Ted Lasso drabble? Oh worm? 👀
“Would you still love me if I was a worm?”
It was too early for this shit.
Roy turned to find Ted staring intently at his computer screen, with Twitter—no fucking wonder he was losing his mind at 7:00am— encroaching on the Richmond desktop. Across from him Beard licked his thumb and deftly flipped a page of The Secret Garden. Had they planned this?
“Yes,” Beard said, not bothering to look up. Ted let out an explosive breath and smiled, like Beard’s promise of worm devotion meant fuck all when they had actual shit to do. Keeley was still waiting on a statement. Rebecca had a small library for them to sign. Higgins— Roy shuddered—wanted to talk finances in half an hour.
Which meant that instead of prepping for any of that in any way, Ted’s gaze crept towards him.
“Fuck no,” Roy barked.
Ted pouted. No, no, if Phoebe couldn’t sway him with doe-eyes at the tender age of six then Ted Bloody Lasso wasn’t going to do it around a fucking mustache. Roy set his teeth against the sliver of an apology trying to force its way out. “You’re a worm,” he said, as if that explained it all. Because dammit, it did.
“What kind of worm?”
Head jerking, Roy schooled his look of betrayal at Trent taking this seriously. He had his glasses off and everything, tap-tap-taping against his mouth as he stared contemplatively up at the ceiling.
“Uhhh...” Ted consulted the digital hellfire, but apparently no answers were offered up. Figures. “I don’t know. Just a worm? Are there a lot of ‘em?”
“Oh yes. Well over twenty-thousand last I checked.”
Roy twitted involuntarily. Twenty-fucking-thousand? And how the hell did Trent know that? Was he the goddamn worm whisperer? Made sense, given what a spineless pest he was.
Not anymore a voice whispered, sounding suspiciously like Ted. Yeah. Fine. He’d changed or what-fucking-ever. Roy growled and resigned himself to a worm lecture as penance.
“Worms are as varied as any species,” Trent was saying, curdling Roy’s stomach with every word. He took his pen out, mindlessly twirling it as he gathered his thoughts. “Silkworms, tapeworms, the humble earthworm. They seem quite simple on the surface and yet they’re a vital part of our ecosystem. Forget the bees; remove the worm and you risk a near total collapse of our agriculture. Ah, and did you know that the leech is a worm? Certainly they’ve been invaluable to the medical community as a natural anticoagulant. Science will always advance, but sometimes all you need is a good old-fashioned blood sucker—”
“Stop,” Roy groaned, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. Trent glanced over, one eyebrow raised.
“The point—sorry, my editor is always on my case for ‘overly verbose prose.’ As if she’s one to talk with those emails—the point is that if you were a worm, Ted, you would remain just as valuable a member of society as you are now. Of course we'd still love you. And why shouldn't you remain a part of our lives? I would determine your species and then set about finding a suitable environment for you. One that, hopefully, we would all be able to visit with frequency. However, if you’re a tube-worm I’m afraid you’re, well, shit out of luck, if I’m allowed to be crass. None of us are going anywhere near a hydrothermal vent and that’s even if I knew how to swim. Most land-living species would be doable though.” Trent bit his lower lip, considering. “If you were a worm I’d research everything I could about your nutrition, enrichment, life cycle. Given the magical nature of these events—I assume in this hypothetical you weren’t always a worm, yes?—I would take steps to ensure you were well looked after, should your life extend past mine. Luckily, Amelia already had a fondness for all things creepy and crawly, so I’m sure she’d be thrilled to receive you in the will. In the same vein, I’d use whatever contacts I still possess to connect with the leading researchers in Nematology and Helminthology, see if we couldn't find some way to communicate with you. I have no qualms about you being a worm, Ted, but I would miss our chats.” Trent smiled, a little wistfully, and then shook himself like a man coming out of a dream. “Why do you ask?”
“Jesus Fucking Christ,” Roy said, thunking his head down on the keyboard. Whatever these two nerds had going on he needed to bottle it and sell the shit. He'd make a fortune.
Ted let out a strangled noise. “No reason,” he said, clearing his throat. “That’s a mighty kind offer of yours, Trent, and I do appreciate it. Yes, ma'am, I do. I suppose you could say I—”
“Don’t,” Roy growled.
“—wormed my way into your heart?”
And he was done. Nearly tripping himself in his haste to leave the office, Roy unfortunately still saw the high-five Beard gave Ted—complete with a “Booya!”—and the heart eyes Trent was sending his way, fierce as fucking laser beams. Honestly, they were disgusting, the lot of them.
Still, that question was going to haunt him now...
“Wonder if Keeley and Jamie would love me if I was a worm,” Roy muttered, ignoring the look Higgins cast him and the question of where he was off to with their meeting on the horizon. Fuck finances. Worms didn't care about finances.
Roy took a right towards the exit, towards KJPR, and hopefully an answer half as romantic as the dork's.
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Quaritch being a southern Dad (Modern!AU)
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@hyperfixatedfandomer @naavispider
A/N: idk if quaritch is actually supposed to be from Kansas like he says in the movie but people headcanon him being from all over the south. Accents and sayings are different all over the south, I’m from east central Alabama so these are just based things I say or other people say
Southern dictionary
Buggy: Shopping Cart
Toboggan: kit cap or benie
‘r: or
sghetti: spaghetti
Coke:soda
that boy ain’t missed at meal: That boy fat as hell
Yur: your
Scow: let’s go
Jeet: you eat
Wallerin: pouting or crying
Bud light: beer
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Miles: Spider I swear to god you better behave in this goddamn Walmart or I will tear your ass up. Now go get me a buggy
Spider: ………a what?
Miles: A buggy spider go get a buggy
Spider: YOU MEAN A SHOPPING CART!
Miles: *mocking his voice* you mean a shopping cart? GO GET THE DAMN BUGGY
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Miles: Spider it’s cold outside put this toboggan on
Spider: Toboggan? This is a benie.
Miles: JUST PUT THE DAMN HAT ON SON
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*Spider fucking up that good ass bbq masnk made*
Miles: Damn, son slow down, you got a tapeworm ‘r sumthing?
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Miles: Spider go grab me some sghetti sauce
Spider: Wtf is sghetti sauce, are you talking about SPAgehtti sauce
Miles: Boy go get my sauce
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Miles: Hey spider I got you that coke you wanted
Spider: I didn’t want cocoa cola
Miles: I didn’t get you cocoa cola, now come get your coke
Spider: *Confused Nosies*
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I NOW PRESENT QUARITCH SAYING SOUTHER DAD THINGS
Spider thats the worng ammo, I swear you bout as useful as a screen door on a submarine
Lyle I swear they done moved everything around in that damn Walmart, I was confused as a homeless man on house arrest
Spider, I’ll tell you what that boy ain’t missed at meal
SPIDER GET YUR ASS IN THE TRUCK LETS SCOW
Well hell spider I figured I was speaking English what language do you speak, dumbass?
Spider did jeet yet?
Yep, Spiders up there walliern in the bed cuz I took that bud light away from him
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bonefall · 1 year
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re: the last Warriors Bites, is there any advantage to cooking meat? /gen
ik for humans we can’t process a lot of raw meat w/o infections, but cats are pure carnivores
Several!
Human evolutionary history is actually fascinating in that we HAVE to eat cooked meat, it marked a moment in our evolutionary history where our brains were able to get bigger because we needed less space on the skull for a massive chewing muscle
So for a Warrior Cat, which is clearly a species capable of advanced social dynamics, it could be likely that something is biologically going on in that skull of theirs for which cooking is an advantage.
But even for a normal cat living out in the woods? There's still benefits.
Preservation
Drying food can store it for weeks or months. In the books we've seen prey going bad after only a day; there's definitely a lot of food waste that can be avoided if the excess prey is cooked and stored by the assigned "kitchen patrol" after dinner.
(On that note; @hey-its-quill requested an entry on "Who cooks and prepares food?" so this question, including what a 'kitchen patrol' is, is on the official Warrior Bites to-do list.)
Nutrition
Some forms of cooking would cause nutrition loss, but it's easily countered by collecting the juices and serving them as a gravy. For the most part, cooking is just an easy way to break down connective tissue, which would actually make it easier to digest.
ESPECIALLY for kits and elders, who aren't able to chew their food very well.
One thing I will be mentioning when I get to a bird entry, though, is that large birds are rarely roasted. This is because cats eat bones as part of their diet, but when bird bones are cooked, they can splinter and cause internal damage.
(Which is why you should never let your cat eat cooked chicken bones. Raw are fine though.)
Sanitization
And this is the primary reason. Avoiding food poisoning and infection is more important than you think; being an obligate carnivore does not make all food safe.
(CW: Past here, I talk about foodbourne illness, parasites, and animal death. If these topics upset you, I've summed up everything already!)
It's actually a misconception that cats can't get salmonella, e. coli, or listeria poisoning. They're just better at not getting it because food spends less time digesting in their shorter, carnivorous intestines. A lot of people actually switch to a raw food pet diet thinking it's healthier (and in some ways it is, afaik) but then improperly handle the pet food for this reason. Always freeze raw pet food and wash your hands please.
Salmonella poisoning in cats is sometimes called "Songbird Fever" because a house cat gets it by killing and eating a native songbird. In fact I'm going to use my little soapbox for a moment to please ask, if you don't keep your cat inside (which is the only way to completely prevent the death of songbirds), please, at the very least, only let them outside with a birds-be-safe collar cover.
(Salmonella poisoning is also why I've decided that ShadowClan would logically be the Clan that cooks the most. As Marsh and Pine hunters, well over 75% of their diet is birds and reptiles, which naturally contain salmonella)
So that's JUST farm animals and wild birds. Hantavirus, leptospirosis, toxoplasmosis, even the goddamn bubonic plague can be caught from wild rodents.
That's not even to mention tapeworms, roundworm, and other digestive parasites specifically evolved to live in an animal's stomach!
I remember someone made a joke about how these wild cats are eating random mice and walking away fine while their housecat throws up from getting the wrong brand of cat food. And... well... truth is, the wild cats are not fine. They're getting sick constantly.
Warrior Cats is just, ultimately, a young adult fantasy series about romance and political drama that chooses not to accurately portray feral cats dying horribly of preventable foodbourne illness.
SO TL;DR COOKING WILL HELP A LOT.
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