#a brief history of a line of durin strikes again

[bitter-sweet-farmgirl]

Pick Up Lines

Welp, so a special someone has a birthday today, and I took part in a writing contest that she had to celebrate it. The funny part about this is that I wrote this story literally the day after I picked out my prompt. So I've been sitting on this story for about 2(?) months just waiting in suspense to share it, XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @guardianofrivendell!!!

I used this quote.

And this is a pairing between Fili & Tullaina

Warnings: Well, there maybe be an innuendo in there somewhere... ;) and a swear word or two. Nothing crazy

Pick Up Lines

My eyes flickered across the yellowing parchment of the scroll I had been assigned to read. At first the words were interesting and held my attention. Then as my attention began to wander, they became dull and frankly, dare I think it? Meaningless?

The librarian--and Ori--would strangle me, no questions asked if they knew how dull I found this ancient scrap to be.

The soft rustle of paper brought my attention back to the Dwarrowdame sitting across from me; dark-haired head bowed over the pages of an absurdly large and heavy tome whose title was written in overly large, flourishing golden script: A Brief History of Durin's Line: Volume 205.

I made a mental note to add my tutor, Lorelei, to the list. If she knew that I was more interested in a certain dark-haired dame than the 'exceedingly valuable and history-filled document whose knowledge is crucial to your future role of King' scroll, then she would be madder than Uncle Thorin when Kili had accidentally, (I wasn't so sure about that part), kicked Thorin's clothes into the river as he attempted to jump into it as we camped by it during the Quest.

It probably wouldn't help that Kili had already pissed her off earlier today during his session with her when he tried--unsuccessfully-- to flirt with her. Apparently the dame couldn't tell that my baby brother was head-over-heels for her.

"Oi, Fili!" A low, feminine voice called out loudly, making me cringe and breathe a sigh of relief all at the same time.

I twisted in my wooden chair to look over at the approaching Dwarrowdame. Dark red hair bounced messily across her shoulders as she trotted towards the table Lorelei and I occupied. The bright, beaming smile on her freckled face lit up the whole room and I found myself grinning automatically as she stopped beside my chair.

"Are you still studying these dusty old scrolls? Doesn't Thorin know that the sun is shining outside and there are things," she winked meaningfully at me, "that need to be done?"

I chuckled, pushing my chair away from the table with a soft scraping sound and stood up to tower a few inches above the dame.

"Good afternoon to you too, Tullaina." I answered, hurrying to roll up the parchment I had been trying to read until thoughts about Tullaina entered by head. Lorelei took one look at how I was treating the ancient parchment and let out an indignant gasp.

"I'll handle that, Prince Fili. Just don't damage this priceless piece of knowledge!" She gasped, snatching the scroll away from me and cradling it gently.

"Sorry, Lory." I apologized sheepishly, but she only shook her head.

"Just go on, I know you are eager to go spend time with Lady Tullaina. Do not let me stand in your way, Prince Fili." She sighed, and I shot a grin at Tullaina.

"Let's go and you can tell me about what things you have in mind."

~~~~~

We strolled through an abandoned corridor of Erebor together, Tullaina chatting animatedly about a prank she had conjured up when she'd accidentally set fire to one of Erebor's kitchens while attempting to assist one of the cooks with the cutting of a slab of pork.

"...and all the smoke and the blood from my finger made me think of setting up a sort of scene in one of the corridors and making a huge smoky fire and spilling berry juice everywhere. It would look like one big murder scene without a body." She finished up excitedly, and I could only smile.

"I like the idea, Tulls, but don't you think that's a bit complicated? I mean, coordinating all that and finding all those berries..." I trailed off as Tullaina's nose wrinkled up as she frowned.

Adorable.

"I guess..." She nodded, pondering my words. "Is there something else we could do for June Fools?"

I glanced over at her, making momentary eye contact with those wondrously captivating brown irises of hers.

"Well... I was considering something that is a bit more.... Criminal."

Tullaina's eyes got big.

"What?!" She hissed, stopping dead to stare at me in disbelief. "Fili, are you nuts? If your Uncle caught us doing something illegal..."

I shrugged, a smirk winding its way across my face as I took in her confusion. "You've already committed a crime, Tulls, and you made it look easy."

She let out an indignant gasp and put her hands on her hips in a gesture that warned me that she was getting angry. "Fili, I may be many things, but I am not a thief." She ground out, but I kept smirking at her. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing! I've never stolen a thing in my life!"

My smirk only grew as she denied any thieving activities. Crossing my arms across my chest, I raised an eyebrow at her in perfect seriousness. "Oh, but you have stolen something, Tulls." I murmured, making Tullaina frown up at me.

"What are you accusing me of stealing? Fili, I swear, if this is about that bloody teddy bear you had when you were thirty--"

I shook my head, holding up a hand to halt her angry spew of words. "No, you stole my heart." I murmured, holding eye contact with her.

Her mouth dropped open in an expression of complete surprise and shock and she stared mutely up at me. "I, wha-what?" She choked out, and I quickly dropped my serious approach.

Today was not the day.

Quickly plastering on a teasing grin, I nudged her with my elbow, forcing out a laugh. "Gotcha." Then I started walking again, stamping down all the doubting, questioning thoughts threatening to break through the wall I had built.

But in a moment, Tullaina was beside me again, her laughter echoing off the stone walls. "Mahal, Fili.... You really had me going there for awhile..." She giggled, raising her hand to brush her hair over her shoulder. "That's a really bad pick-up line, though...."

I grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, I thought you'd get a laugh out of it. And unfortunately there's more where that came from."

Tullaina's warm brown eyes lit up and she looked expectantly up at me. "Okay, spill." She asked excitedly, almost bouncing as we walked.

I eyed her anxiously, unsure how to proceed with this. But then she looked over at me and all my doubts were whisked away in the blink of an eye.

I was her friend, she was mine. There was nothing more here. Just treat her like you always do.

"Alright, what about this one? Do you have a sunburn or are you always this hot?"

At first, Tullaina gaped, then she snorted; eyes closing as she giggled. "That one's not bad..." She commented, and I felt a burst of encouragement.

"My friends bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the tavern. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?"

Tullaina shrugged at that one, tilting her hand from side to side. "That one's okay..."

To my horror, the next one that popped into my mind--and subsequently out of my mouth--was one that I never would have dreamed of saying to Tullaina. "Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Instantly, Tullaina's cheeks turned beet red--likely matching mine--and she turned to look at me, the corners of her mouth twitching as if she couldn't decide if it would be appropriate to smile or not. "Ummm...."

"Mahal, I didn't think before I spoke, Tulls." I apologized, rubbing the back of my neck.

Tullaina giggled nervously. "It's alright, Fili. I just never expected that to be something you would say to a lass."

"It's not something I would say unless I'm completely off my face." I admitted, and the smile returned hesitantly to her face. "But, what do you think of this one? Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

Tullaina stuck out her tongue. "That one is awful..." She stated with a wrinkled nose. "0/10 would recommend using."

I laughed, feeling a soothing wave of relief wash over me as the previous awkward mood faded. "I thought that one wasn't half bad!" I defended the line, but Tullaina only rolled her eyes.

"You're a Dwarrow. Of course it sounds good to you. But if you were a dame... We have a different perspective on things." She explained offhandedly. "Please, continue."

"Do you have a name or can I call you mine?"

"Where in Mahal's name did you get this one?!" Tullaina exclaimed, pretending to gag. "That one is worse than the last!"

"I'll agree with you on this one. I'd never dream of using this to get a lass' name. It's just rude."

Tullaina nodded vigorously. "If you used it on me, I'd slap you so hard you'd have a permanent imprint of my hand on your face." She stated venomously, and I took a hesitant step sideways. This made her laugh as she watched me. "Not now, if you had just met me and were being weird. Only one of those things applies to you so you're safe."

I let out an affronted gasp. "I'm not weird!"

Tullaina only shrugged, smirking at me. "I'm a girl, and to girls, boys are weird."

"Fair point. And the same is true likewise."

Removing the extra space I had put between us by taking a sideways step, Tullaina looked over at me. "Okay, one last one, then we actually need to move onto serious topics. If you let me, I will procrastinate over June Fools, and that cannot happen on our first try at doing Twelve Months of Fools. I mean, we've already gotten through five months successfully! We can't stop now!"

I nodded, giving Tullaina a sly look. "Alright, unless that would be the prank all along since people are expecting it now?"

"NO!"

"Fine, fine..." I relented, extending my hand towards her. "Your hand looks heavy, can I hold it for you?"

"Sure." Tullaina placed her hand in mine; palm gentle and warm against the calloused, rough surface of mine.

The unexpected motion had my brain shutting down as I frantically tried to figure out what was supposed to happen next.

Tullaina shot me a confused look, glancing down at our hands. "Fili, you're supposed to hold my hand back, not just suddenly let it become a limp noodle."

I didn't respond, trying frantically to think of something--anything!--to say. Which, of course, led to the absolute last thing I wanted to say being the exact thing I said.

"Your lips look lonely, would they like to meet mine?"

Tullaina's lips parted; the bottom jutting out just the tiniest bit because it was slightly bigger than the top. Not that I knew this because I'd spent literal days just gazing at her perfect, sensual lips.

No, not at all.

"Fili, I, uh, yeah..." Tullaina whispered, and I stared at her in shock.

She stared back expectantly.

The silence continued on for another very long, very awkward moment until Tullaina spoke up. "You're not going to say anything? Are you serious or is this just a prank?" She asked, and I detected just the barest hint of vulnerability in her soft-spoken words.

I sucked in a deep breath, realizing that I hadn't really been breathing between my last sentence and Tullaina's. "I don't know," I breathed, staring at Tullaina in terror. "I didn't think I would get this far!"

The corner of Tullaina's mouth turned up in a smile. "Maybe we just experiment a bit, yeah?" She asked, taking one step closer to me. "Because I'm bloody scared out of my mind, Fili, but if I don't do this I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life."

I nodded silently, staring down at her as she took another slow step closer, rising up on her toes. Automatically, my hands settled on her waist, steadying her as I leaned down to meet her plush, distracting lips.

"OH DEAR MAHAL, FINALLY!!"

Tullaina and I jumped apart, looking around wildly for the terrifyingly familiar voice. I found it in the form of Kili as he peeked out from a pillar, hands clamped around his mouth and a look of absolute panic on his face.

"Oh, uh, I wasn't supposed to interrupt you... Just go back to kissing or whatever. Pretend I was never here." He faltered, looking at Tullaina and I sheepishly. "Sorry."

I took a step forward, bristling as I prepared to teach Kili a lesson he wouldn't forget. "Kili, I'm going to--"

Tullaina grabbed my sleeve, stopping me in my tracks as she finished my sentence. "Spend time with Tullaina. Come on, Fili. We have things to do and abandoned corridors to explore."

#guardian of rivendell birthday writing challenge #tulls #tullaina #fili #fili x tullaina #fili x oc #the hobbit #fanfic #fanfiction #happy birthday!!!!! #a brief history of a line of durin strikes again #kili #lorelei #kili x lorelei #fluff #pick up lines #kili is a matchmaker