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#Yes I'm living a human life but I feel less and less human as the weeks tick in
andreabandrea · 2 days
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i think all the time about how hard it is to be a kid even in the best case scenarios. like yeah as a kid you have very few responsibilities and youre innocent etc but i think the thing is that adults (at least in the USA) largely do not consider you to be a human.
i remember when i was a kid, my parents were nice to me and supportive and so on-- i didnt have a bad childhood. but there were times where my dad would just take things from me, or interrupt me on the computer/tv, not because i had exceeded screen time or anything but just because "im the dad and im more important so i can do what i want". i remember how powerless i felt when adults would shout at me, especially if it was over something i didnt understand and/or hadnt been taught.
i remember adults laughing in my face sometimes when i was crying or upset, and i think about this when i see those 'toddler/kid freakout' tiktok videos mocking a child's reaction, even if it is for something "stupid" like they dropped their candy or whatever.
even the most well-meaning adults will often write off your pain and negative emotions as 'overreactions', and this goes triple if youre neurodivergent. i had pneumonia as a child and my doctor thought i was just being dramatic.
your input on things is largely seen as worthless. if your parents want to travel the country in a van, but you want to go to school and have friends and have your own bedroom, they'll just pack you up and take you in that van because you're the child and you're their property. i think about this when i see those 'van life' families, and i think about this as i'm reading the Wavewalker book about the girl who was forced to live on her parents' boat with little to no schooling for 10 years.
if your parents spank you and hit you, largely thats seen as their "choice" as parents, no matter how many studies tell them it traumatizes children. and youre dependent on the adults around you and if those adults suck, or if youre in a bad situation, you have very little to no ability to change that and you just have to endure.
and thats what drives me insane about desantis is that we see more and more rhetoric like "the rights of parents" and "protecting children" but these kids are being told that they do not have rights. its as if people truly believe parents deserve to know everything, even if the child doesnt feel safe telling them. people think parents deserve to control their kids' every choice and every move. but when it comes to protecting kids from gun violence and protecting gay/trans kids and especially kids of color, republicans could not give less of a shit. hell, even the grand majority of democrats barely care.
yes, i get it. parenting is unimaginably hard. the nuclear family is unsustainable especially in today's double-income-not-even-making-rent economy. the world is fucked up. sometimes kids are shitty and it might hurt you as an adult. but kids are not evil, and kids are not adults who are acting with fully developed brains and social skills and empathy and so on and its important to keep that in mind.
on the chance that anyone wants to reply with "well i hate kids :/" look. you dont have to be a parent. but at least be kind to children in your life. let the kid in the park ramble to you about skibidi toilet or fucking whatever. you do owe people kindness, especially children
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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i love ffxiv sm
#i feel better again!!!!#mood swings yes but i also really just love the complexity of my mind#my self-awareness. my grasp and capability for hope despair love hatred etc#i'm still young so the way i deal with it still has a lot of faults but i like reading myself like a book#stuff like music video games sciences writing and literature is really where i thrive#and even though i'm very prone to pain. i love the way i live. i love who i am. and i'll always hold unto that#everyone has a certain level of depth n there are all worlds in our minds but#not everyone's so aware about it. or willing to develop and live in it#i love my capability of complexity and depth. and the way i always try to improve and work towards the future#while accepting who i am. and remembering the past#and then objectively as much as i fall into self-doubt i'm still a kind person at heart right?#even when i'm suffering i choose to still care for others.#i need work on improving my communication skills though ;;;;#bcs i always care n worry for the ppl i'm close with#not even necessarily close. i care n worry for everyone#but i'm a bit selective of who specifically to 'choose' so i won't drain myself. if i cld help everyone then i wld but i'm only human#if we'd made meaningful memories together (even for as little as we talk or knew each other) then that means a lot to me yeah#n i WOULD have no problem w sharing that directly but social anxiety insecurities n deep-rooted fears ;;;#if i hesitate less then i could really go far in life#one thing i need to constantly remind myself though is that i can't do it alone but#social anxiety & i'm so prone to just disappearing T_T n i worry i'll be a burden#but that's a cycle of thoughts i'm capable of breaking if i really#hmmm no it's really hard to do. i'm capable of it though. i know that for sure#it's alright if i let myself rest today. i shldn't push myself even more w this pain#i'll nap after i finish lunch then ><
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dcxdpdabbles · 5 months
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DCXDP FIC IDEA: The Dauntless Matchmaker
Danny Fenton is short on cash. He has been short on cash almost all his adult life, but usually, he can pull through untill the last minute before breaking and asking his family for help.
It's a pain in a half trying to find a job that is flexible enough to accommodate his "Health" issues.
He needs time off to keep his agreement. See back when he was sixteen, he realized that the ghosts that had been bothering him were all trying to challenge him for his power.
At first he looked like easy prey- being new and all- but the more fights he won the more his reputation rose and that made the ghosts attack less frequently.
They just became harder since the big guns wanted a crack at him. Danny proposed that the fights be in neutral grounds- the ghost zone- since fights in Amity Park were ruining his haunt.
Haunt Rights were highly protected and respected in the Infinite Releams.
His adversaries agreed under the condition that Danny responded to the battles within two hours; otherwise, they would haunt him in the human world.
Ghost fighting in the Infinite Releams to keep the ghosts busy, and nowadays, only the strongest bothered him like a bi-weekly challenge from dead beings that don't understand scheduling.
It worked out.....until he couldn't explain why he was missing so often in the human world. With the help of some friendly ghosts, he was able to fake a diagnosis of some muscle disorder and has been living with the excuse that he would go MIA because of it. He missed a lot.
Often enough to have almost every job he's gotten to fire him.
This brings him to his current problem. Yes, Danny can argue that he has a disability but to do so would mean having someone look into it and realize it's not real.
So when Charlie from the Tea MadHouse tells him not to bother returning tomorrow after a four-day-long battle, he can only sigh and turn in his tea maker apron.
He might have to call his parents to ask for help on this month's rent. That's a bitter pill to swallow.
If only there was a job that he could do that had no problem with him taking multiple days off without notice.
"Pardon me. I need a moment of your time." a voice calls out. Danny twists around, turning his neck slightly downwards to meet the green-eyed stare of a young boy.
"I have a proposition for you. My elder brother requires a fake lover to fool our family butler into thinking that he has moved on from the heartbreak of his last disastrous relationship. Not that anyone could blame Dowd for ending things with Drake. In any case, seeing as I have witnessed your unemployment, I figured you would do well for the job."
Danny blinks "I'm sorry?"
The kid pulls out a wad of cash. Danny can practically hear the ca-ching sound surrounding the boy as he raises a brow.
He gapes as the youth slaps the cash into his hand without so much as a blink.
"Do we have an accord?" The boy asks while Danny slowly turns the money in his hand.
"Whatever you say, temporary in-law," He says after flipping through the bills only to realize it's a hundred-dollars. A quick count of how many he's been handed causes his eyes to almost pop out of thier socket.
It's more then enough for this month's rent-hell he has some left over for at least four months!
"Excellent, we are expected at dinner. If Drake acts surprised to see you merely tap the table six times, then four. He shall fall into line and build off our lie."
Danny scrambles after the kid, nodding to himself. "Six, then four. Got it. Ugh, does the dinner have a dress code?"
It sounds like it would since a young boy just gave out hundreds like it was nothing. Danny would feel bad showing up in an old pair of jeans and a faded t-shirt.
Maybe he has a formal shirt somewhere.
The boy's green eyes flickered to him, then his watch on his wrist. "An impressive observation. Pennyworth will not be impressed by a poorly dressed paramour. We have time to purchase a suit. Come along."
Danny has no idea how someone so small can walk so fast. He feels his breathing is coming in quick bursts, but the boy doesn't seem winded at all. He winces when the boy enters a well-known suit place that is very pricey. "Is this coming out of my pay?"
"No. This shall be covered by the company card," The strange child says, holding up a black card with a quick flick of his wrist. At the sight of it, two store attendants appear at their side, offering assistance. Danny has never seen such power.
"W-wait we have a company card?" He shutters, overwhelmed by the attendant pushing him into a changing room and a light blue suit in his arms.
"Yes. However, you have a limit on what can be spent with it. I shall review the details later regarding your medical, dental, and vision benefits."
"I GET DENTAL?!"
"Of course. America's ridiculous health programs will mistreat no employee of mine simply due to lack of funds. " The boy scoffed, sounding offended by the very idea.
Danny doesn't care how long he needs to pretend to be this boy's boyfriend, and he'll sign a contract right now.
_______________________________________
Damian waited for Fenton to finish trying on all the suits the personal sellers had pushed onto him. He personally thinks the light blue was the best but it doesn't hurt to try other options.
They need Fenton to look his best to woo Drake and get him to stop acting so pathetic.
Yes, Dowd had broken up with him for reasons Damian is unaware of, nor does he care enough to find them, but Drake has had plenty of people break up with him before and remain on good terms with him.
Just look at Brown.
Drake had also always bounced right back after the breakup, usually because he would get tied up in either work at Wayne Industries or Red Robin.
Yet, for some reason, unlike all the others, Dowd leaving has not only been messy it also threw Drake into a downwards spiral.
He has refused even to get dress- walking around in a bathrobe and fluffy slippers- eating ice cream and sobbing over photos of Dowd for hours on end. He taken a leave from Wayne Industries and mostly stayed on monitor duty as Red Robin.
At other times, he plays sad songs and watches romance movies with a dead look in his eyes. Usually there were crumbs of some unknown spicy chips all over his face too.
Really it was unseemly.
It's been four months of this, and Drake does not seem to be getting it together. Damian had researched online, and all of the articles indicate that he should have felt better by the third-month mark.
He would have left the fool well alone only Pennyworth is beginning to worry. And Damian refuses to let Pennyworth worry over something fixable.
His research showed that a "rebound" was highly recommended (if done correctly), in the healing process of a breakup. Drake refused to find one, so Damian assigned himself the task of finding one for him instead.
He considered Drake's past lovers' looks, interests, and personalities. Then creating a list of what was considered a good candidate he wandered around Gotham in search of someone who would be a perfect rebound.
His efforts led him to Tea MadHouse- a tea shop with a surprisingly good coffee menu- where Daniel Fenton worked. Over three weeks, Damian had watched him, categorizing the pros and cons that Drake would find within Fenton, and concluded that he would be perfect.
The fact Fenton has lost his job now only worked in his favor. He'll convince Drake that Fenton is a decoy for Pennyworth - since Drake was getting fed up with all the hovering- and he would never notice that the real target of this fake relationship would be Drake himself all along.
Fenton will woo him, sweep him off his feet, make him forget Dowd and ride off into the sunset with Drake none the wiser. It was full-proof.
Damian will make Drake rebound on Fenton, even if he has to throw the idiot at the other teen. He is getting awful tired of the concerned glances whenever Drake slumps his way into a room.
No other reason. He certainly didn't care about Drake that much nor did does he lay awake at night wondering how Drake is doing now that he does not have someone to hold him.
Drake doesn't sleep well alone.
"How do I look?" Fenton stepped out of the booth wearing the light blue suit. It made his eyes pop and framed his body well.
Yes, muscular. The body of a boxer. Drake will lose his mind over those biceps.
"Ravishing." He tells the nineteen-year-old. Damian barely bites back a smirk as Fenton flushed, painting a pretty picture. Drake enjoys talking his lovers up, and Fenton will do well to receive plenty of compliments. "Let us be off."
Drake won't know what hit him.
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midnightcrw · 4 months
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Mood swings, cravings, and breakdowns
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Pairing: Simon Ghost Riley x fem!reader
Summary: How Simon reacts to the different aspects of your pregnancy
a/n: I'm sorry that it took a little longer for me to write this, but I still hope that you will like it. And thank you so much, it makes me so happy to know that you all like what I write. I'm also on the train right now to get back to Germany after a few days in Paris. (I accidently deleted the request because I changed some things up, I'm very sorry)
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At first, Simon was a nervous wreck when he found out you were pregnant.
It started with him panicking over every little thing you did or generally being more overprotective than he already was.
He even read and researched about the things that happen when someone is pregnant, and it didn't make it any less stressful for him.
And while he was nervous, you were pretty relaxed at the beginning of your pregnancy, nothing to complain about and nothing that could really make you feel anxious or stressed.
At first, Simon was a nervous wreck when he found out you were pregnant.
It started with him panicking over every little thing you did or generally being more overprotective than he already was.
He even read and researched about the things that happen when someone is pregnant, and it didn't make it any less stressful for him.
And while he was nervous, you were pretty relaxed at the beginning of your pregnancy, nothing to complain about and nothing that could really make you feel anxious or stressed.
But then you started acting different.
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"I love you," you said as you hugged Simon after he got you your favorite ice cream.
"I love you too," Simon replied as he gave you a kiss on the forehead, which made you smile up at him, which made him smile back.
As soon as you let go of him, you went into the kitchen to eat your ice cream, while Simon sat on the couch watching something on TV (probably 'the great british bake off' or something related to trash TV).
And for the first time in weeks, Simon began to relax as he sat on the couch. He was happy about the fact that you were feeling good, until...
"SIMON!" You suddenly yelled from the kitchen, causing your husband to immediately jump up and grab one of the guns he had hidden in your living room.
As he ran towards you with the gun in his hand, Simon saw you standing next to the counter with your spoon in your hand, causing him to raise an eyebrow in confusion.
"Love-," and before he could finish, you immediately cut him off.
"This doesn't taste like the one from last week," you said, suddenly taking on an emotional tone as you mumbled.
Simon frowned, "But that's exactly the one I bought for you," he exclaimed, still holding the gun, but now pointing it down.
Suddenly your face became stern as you glared at him, "You don't love me! You couldn't even buy me the ice cream I really wanted!" You hissed in an aggressive tone.
"But that's what you wanted!" He argued with you.
"No!"
"Yes, it is-"
And then you threw your spoon at him, which he couldn't even dodge because he was surprised.
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Simon never judged you for anything, no matter how weird you might act, he would never judge you.
But this one was a breach too far.
You were sitting on the couch while eating pickles with Nutella.
PICKLES WITH NUTELLA.
Simon had never been so disgusted in his life. He couldn't even look at you as he avoided your form with his eyes.
"Want to try?" You asked him as you continued to eat the offensive looking combination to human kind.
"NO," Simon immediately rejected your offer without even trying to say it softly.
You just stared at him in confusion, but shrugged and asked him if he could bring you some more pickles since you had already finished them.
And just like a good husband, Simon got up and went to the kitchen to get you some more.
Even though he was disgusted by the combination, he would still get you whatever you wanted.
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The day had actually gone well. Everything seemed fine and nothing was out of place.
But your mind was really starting to get to you.
Whenever you heard anything remotely about childbirth, the potential complications that could arise, or even being a mother at all, you began to fear what might happen.
And even though you knew everything was going well, you still couldn't help but be afraid.
"What's wrong, love?" A gruff voice was heard as you looked up from the bed at Simon, who had just finished getting dressed for bed.
"Nothing," you mumbled, trying to smile, but it only made you more emotional as you suddenly started to sob.
Without a second thought, Simon immediately walked towards you to engulf you in his arms.
Your face was now resting on his broad chest while one of his hands held the back of your head and the other stroked your back in slow circles.
"Shh, it's okay, love. Cry as much as you want," Simon whispered into your ear, pulling you closer as you heard his heartbeat.
"I'm afraid to be a parent. What if our baby hates me? Or if I can't be there for them? Or-" you sobbed as Simon interrupted you.
"You're not going to be a bad parent. That baby inside of you is going to love you so much. You always reassure me when I'm scared, so you shouldn't have to worry about anything. Where is the strong and confident woman I know?" Hearing Simon's words, your hands clenched around his shirt, your heart racing as you processed what he had said.
"Still here," you said, your voice a little more normal now after the crying.
"Good, because this is the woman I fell in love with."
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amysubmits · 5 months
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Owning Me Is Complicated
Occasionally I come across content that makes it seem like being a Dom is easy.
Order her around, make her do the things you don't want to do, do whatever you want, "win" all the disagreements because you're the dom - or even silence her from disagreeing with you to begin with. Get sex exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it. She's just a living, breathing object that can and will do whatever you want. She has no needs other than to make your life easier. She's your own personal robot, but with a body you want to fuck. Being a dom is like a regular relationship but without the emotional labor. I'm sure there are other gender versions out there too, but I see the M/f version most often. It's so funny to me how absurd that all is compared to real life.
Owning me is complicated. Owning me means doing way more emotional labor than a vanilla relationship would require, not less.
Yes, I do what he says - but he's responsible for making the best decisions he can. He's in charge, so keeping me physically and emotionally safe is his responsibility. It's a huge part of how he earns my submission. It's no small thing to make decisions when making them well is part of how he keeps me safe and keeps me open and trusting towards him. Yes, I'll try to push my sexual limits for him - but I have complex emotional needs that accompany physical intimacy. Use my body without having respect for my physical and mental health and it'll fall apart real quick. And once again, making a reckless decision here that would leave me damaged and could forever damage our dynamic. Sure, he can take his cock out anytime and instruct me to suck and I will, but that doesn't mean it's all fun and games. He has the burden of double and triple checking that he isn't pushing me too far, or taking too much as to leave me empty. Yes, he gets the final say in disagreements, but he earns that by hearing me out. He couldn't keep me submissive if he didn't respect my feelings. I can't feel respected if I'm not heard. So he has to hear me out and really listen. And then his job is to attempt to get the best outcome for both of us. He has to try to balance our needs, because if either of us gets neglected, we individually suffer and then the relationship suffers. So he sometimes deals with the weight of threading the needle between his needs and mine, his wants and mine. His shoulders carry the weight of those choices. Yes, he can deny my wishes - and even my needs for a time, if he chose. But I am human. How long can he deny me things that bring me pleasure before I start to feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected, thrown out? Resentment would set in eventually. Self-protection would kick in eventually...and it might be too late by then, the damage may be done by the time I would wake up to look around and decide I didn't want to live like this anymore. Why would he want to even find out, given that he loves me? He wouldn't. He has a sadistic streak, so he likes to deny me things I like so that I long for them even more for a while. He likes to see me eager, desperate to get it when he decides to give it. He likes to watch me tolerate discomfort for him. Playing with these ideas require a deep understanding of my needs and limits. He has to know where "desperate for you 🥺 " starts to fade and "That goblin in the back of my head is starting to worry I'm not valued" starts to enter my thoughts. Yes, I look to him to guide and lead, and he has a lot of power and control - but that comes with the ability to destroy and damage. There's nothing easy about ownership if you feel the weight of the responsibility you're carrying.
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twilightcitysky · 9 months
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Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 1)
I cannot figure out for the life of me how to make gifs so this will have to be a gif-less essay. If anyone more tech savvy than me wants to reblog with relevant media, please do!
I've seen a lot of people saying how Aziraphale's actions in the final ten minutes come out of left field and are OOC, and when I first watched the episode I felt the same, but now I think I couldn't have been more wrong. And I don't think Aziraphale is being controlled... I think the entire season showed us exactly what was going to happen.
On first watch, what struck me was the number of plot points that seemed disconnected. I couldn't figure out how Job related to the present, or the Victorian era, or the Nazi zombies (still at sea on the zombies part tbh). I didn't know where the Maggie/ Nina subplot was going, or why we were bothering with it. Then I put my "psych hat" on and it was like seeing one of those 3D pictures come into focus. It's a psychological networking rather than a plot-driven one, which is what Neil told us to expect.
Detailed analysis under the cut, with spoilers:
I went back through the season in my head and started asking myself: why is this element there? What does it contribute?
1. Start with scene one. Why include it? Does it matter for the climax that Az knew Crowley as an angel? YES. It's actually huge. Angel Crowley was joyful, he was bursting with delight at creation, he was idealistic. He wanted to be a part of everything rather than run away from it, and that's still how Aziraphale feels. He loves being a part of things. He's a joiner. He's a landlord. He dances at clubs and he makes human friends and he learns magic. Crowley the demon doesn't seem to want any of that, and I think that's hard for Az. He wants Crowley to be free of the cynicism he thinks prevents him from enjoying life now. At some level, I think he senses that Crowley is depressed (empathy's not his strong suit but I'm sure he's aware that Crowley's in a "what's the point of it all" kind of mood; see the eccles cakes scene). He wants to fix it. Aziraphale is a fixer. Metatron offers him a chance to do that.
Another thing is that Aziraphale knows Crowley ended up Falling just for asking questions that seemed innocent. That's not okay with him. He thinks that with the two of them in charge they can actually MAKE the changes that Crowley wanted to see way back at the beginning, starting with a suggestion box.
2. Okay, now Jim. Obviously Gabriel/ Jim is the central mystery, but why does he matter? First and foremost: he's there to show Aziraphale that angels can CHANGE. Gabriel terrorized and threatened Aziraphale. Az has been terrified of him. He ordered Aziraphale's execution. And now here he is, drinking hot chocolate, doing noble self-sacrificing things, with morals that suddenly align with Aziraphale's. What an absolute game-changer that must have been! He thought Heaven was unfixable, but here's Gabriel in his shop for weeks, slowly convincing him otherwise.
Then two other things happen. First, they find out that this all happened to Gabriel essentially because he fell in love. He was fired and his memories were stolen and the only reason he recovered was because Beelzebub happened to give him the one thing that could save him. That must have seemed like incredible luck. Now, how does Aziraphale feel about memories? He lives in a bookshop that is stuffed to bursting with the records of all of human history, essentially. His memories of his time with Crowley are incredibly precious. He sees, there at the end, that everything he is can be taken from him as a punishment for falling in love. Aziraphale doesn't have a magic fly container. He'd be forever robbed of Crowley, his life, himself. It's a very real threat in his mind when Metatron intervenes.
Which brings us to the second thing. Metatron saves Gabriel. Not only that, he prevents him from being punished for loving Beelzebub and lets them both go. What better way to win currency with Aziraphale? HE doesn't want to go off to Alpha Centauri, he never has, but suddenly he sees that Metatron might protect his relationship. And he's probably the only entity with the power to do so.
So we come to two conclusions: Aziraphale, when he goes off to talk with Metatron, is feeling like maybe it's not intrinsically bad to be an angel. He believed all the angels sucked, and only God was good... but now he sees that even Gabriel can change. He met Muriel, and he likes them. (He also had a huge crush on angel Crowley, which is neither here nor there but he loves Crowley in all his forms.) So if Crowley became an angel again, would that really be so bad? In his mind, it wouldn't change who Crowley is. It would just make them both safer and allow them to be together. (He's wrong! And Crowley doesn't see it that way! But this is a key miscommunication. Aziraphale doesn't really believe that becoming a demon changed Crowley. Back to the first scene, which Aziraphale references during the Job minisode. In his eyes, Crowley is the same person (just more cynical because of what's happened to him)-- so why would it matter if he's an angel again? I truly don't think he was trying to save Crowley, or saying that Crowley would be Better as an angel. To him, it doesn't matter what Crowley is. Which is reductive and harmful, but not the same as thinking Crowley needs rescuing from himself.)
Second conclusion: he sees that an angel and demon can be in love, but they have to run away to be together. Gabe and Beelz couldn't go home again. Earth is Aziraphale's home, but after the attack on the bookshop he learned that without Heaven's protection he can't really keep them safe there. Metatron says: "Come with me, do this thing, and you can have guaranteed safety AND be with the love of your life". Poor Aziraphale wants this with every fiber of his being. All he's ever wanted was for Crowley to be safe. He's never been able to offer it. Over the past four years, he thought they were safe, but he's just learned that he was wrong.
This is getting long. Continued in Part Two!
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byunpum · 3 months
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Mama's Boy | Part 6 (final)
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Pair: Jake x neytiri x human reader (trio couple) x sully children's
Warning: conflict, family problems, soft moments.
Note: You don't know how difficult it is to do something again that you already had done. I tried to make it like the previous one, but I think I'm missing some parts. Still, it's quite long. And I feel like it was lacking in the end… I wish it was the work I had already done, because that was great. Still, I hope you like this part a lot. Thank you very much for your support with this mini-series. There are many more coming!! btw I recently opened a KO-Fi…. if you want to leave any tips or support I would appreciate it (it would help me to buy real coffee xD).
AVATAR MASTERLIST | Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6(final)
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You had to live with the continuous rejection since you agreed to be a couple with jake and neytiri. That was something you knew was going to happen. But when it was just you, everything was cool, you never cared. You always ignored the bad comments and went on with your life as if nothing had happened. But as soon as you became lo'ak's mother, things changed. Now you were a mother, one who wanted to be accepted among the group of mothers in the clan. When it was only neytiri who had neteyam, you used to accompany her. And nobody said anything…but now it was difficult. They were always saying comments about you and lo'ak. How they didn't believe that you were his mother, or that you weren't good enough for him and your family. Somehow this started to get to you. Trying to protect lo'ak was always difficult for you, but you always managed to find a way. But now you felt you weren't…much less in your current state.
You hadn't seen your family for months, now you have the chance to be reunited with them. And it seems that since you arrived things have gone from bad to worse. Or so that woman says…ronal. You didn't want her words to affect you, but hell…they were. You felt bad for your family, for lo'ak and even for the child that was on the way. It would have been easier if you had never involved yourself with Jake, and that your children could have a normal family, that lo'ak could have a normal family. He would have been happier.
You had left Ronal's hut, you were walking slowly. You still didn't want to go home, you knew everyone already knew the news. And even you didn't know how to react. You just passed by the shore, and you noticed that in the distance you could see lo'ak. He was alone…you knew from his posture that he was sad. You carefully descend the woven paths, and jump down to the sand. To now close in on your child. -"Hey…" you speak, watching as the boy turns and smiles softly. "Hi..mom" lo'ak turns, to stretch out his hand. Helping you to sit next to him, you settle in. Pulling your knees to your chest, the night was cold for your liking. "Mom, are you feeling better? Neteyam said you are in serious condition" says lo'ak you could see the worried eyes. You stroke his arm a little, holding it now to make him come closer to you. "I'm fine…I'm just a little sick, that's all," you explain.
"mom said you were pregnant, is that true?" asks lo'ak, you look up to see him. You could notice how his little ears pinned back. - "I see the news is spreading fast around here….but yes." You touch your stomach, then look up at lo'ak. - "There's a baby here," you say, looking back out to sea. Lo'ak notices this reaction of yours, something was happening to you. You weren't his mother as usual…you looked sad.
"Aren't you happy?" asks Lo'ak. -And you? What do you think?" you ask him back. Lo'ak was silent for a moment, looking sideways. He thinks carefully about his answer. "Well… I feel jealous" says lo'ak pouting a little. This makes you chuckle a little, he looked so adorable. "Well… yes I'm happy, I just feel even bad and…nothing" you didn't want to worry lo'ak anymore. He was still so young, you didn't want him to carry your stupid traumas. He had been through so much at such a young age, and telling him your problems wouldn't help him much. -Mom… will you still love me?" lo'ak looks at you with wide eyes. - "My baby… the arrival of this baby won't change anything… sure, he'll get a little attention because he's the youngest. But you will always be my prince" you pull lo'ak to you, watching the boy. He settles down, to lay his head in your lap. Settling down in the sand. - "mama loves you so much…so so much" you speak, stroking lo'ak's hair. You look down, to see him. He was growing so fast, you still couldn't believe it.
After a while, you and Lo'ak decide to go back to the hut. When you enter you can see that everyone in the family was there, it seems that you were waiting for you. - "Hello" you greet, stepping carefully inside. While lo'ak was in the back making sure you were okay. You were still a little weak. Neytiri gets up from where she was, approaching you towards her. -"you're supposed to be with ronal" says neytiri, seeing you roll your eyes.
. -I'd rather die at home," you joke, but you see kiri and tuk's little face is one of worry. "are you going to die?!!!" tuk starts to whine. "No, no honey…it's a joke" you try to apologize to the little girl. -" No, she gave me this medicine and told me I could come back…I'm better" you speak, but you can see neytiri's and jake's face. It was one of happiness, they were waiting for you to say something about the creature that was on its way. -"Besides…I heard that you had already come with the news that I was pregnant" you cross your arms. Neytiri laughs nervously, "I'm sorry, I'm excited." You give Neytiri a smile.
You knew how exciting this news was for everyone. You had hoped to be pregnant for so many years, and it never happened. After lo'ak you wanted to have a baby two years later, but nothing. Neytiri was always there for you. As much as you, she also hoped that you would have a baby. But hopes were lost with time. Even when neytiri announced that she was expecting tuk, she felt bad for telling you the news, neytiri felt that she had betrayed you. You responded to her, telling her she was a fool, you were so happy for the arrival of little tuk. You were so happy about the arrival of the little tuk that you eventually forgot the idea of having another child. But here you are… you finally got what you were looking for. And you felt so guilty at the same time.
That night everyone had a quiet dinner, no one argued and everything was peaceful. Celebrating the news of a new member. Neteyam was teasing lo'ak, saying that he would no longer be your baby. While kiri was playing along. Meanwhile, tuk put his ear to your stomach, hoping to hear something -" I can just hear your guts mom" tuk pouts in annoyance, and you start laughing." Baby…it's still too small" jake says, he was next to you, he had you wrapped in his arms. "But I'm supposed to be able to hear him…he doesn't talk" tuk complains, she didn't know much about babies. "Don't worry…when he's born he's going to talk to you a lot" says neytiri, taking tuk on her lap. "I want it to be a girl…so she can be my best friend" tuk settles down on neytiri's chest, looking for the sleep. "Well…whatever it is, she/he is going to be your best friend, I promise" you watch as tuk smiles softly. And begins to drift off to sleep. Eventually all the children begin to go to their beds. Leaving only the adults awake.
Neytiri settled tuk in her hammock, and went over to where you and Jake were sitting. You were both outside the marui, talking. "Well…they're finally asleep," jokes Neytiri, sitting down next to Jake. "And wait till this little kid gets here…. the calm will go away" jake laughs a little, touching your stomach. But he can tell how serious you were. Jake looks at neytiri, to make sure she noticed your behavior too. You didn't used to be like that, you looked sad. Like something was wrong with you. Jake thinks you are still upset with him…but you had said that this discussion was going to end. -"Ma y/n…is something wrong?" asks Neytiri, getting up from Jake's side to sit on your right side. Bringing her whole body closer to your side. -" Yes…just, I feel a little sick" you speak. You don't want them to start asking questions.
"You're sure…because you looked fine a while ago" Jake knows something is wrong with you. You sigh loudly, taking a deep breath -" I think it would be best if I went back to camp" you begin to speak. -" Y/n…you can't go back to camp. They know who you are…they are looking for us and they can hurt you. No…you stay here with us" jake was getting a little agitated, it was too dangerous for you to go back. The situation with the RDA was quiet, but that didn't mean they wouldn't attack. Neytiri touches Jake's shoulder to calm him down. -"But why do you want to come back, don't you want to be with us?" asks Neytiri, she seemed to be calm. "Of course I want to be here…I love all this…but I feel that I am a problem for you. You guys were peaceful before I was here. Since I've been here it's been all arguments and problems. I want to go back and leave you alone" you had started to cry, you felt so silly. Here making a drama out of something so stupid.
"Why do you think that? Ma y/n you are not a problem for us, never say that" neytiri hugs you on her chest, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head. -Y/n look at me" jake takes your chin to look at him a little. " We have arguments like any other family, and that's normal. This whole situation of a new home…I know it must be hard for you. If it's hard for us, it must be twice as hard for you." Jake speaks. -" But you're not the cause of any of our problems…if we're talking about someone causing problems, it would be me. Because I bet if you two were alone, you'd be happy" that comment from Jake makes you laugh a little. Neytiri wipes the tears from your cheeks. "I know that being a sky people…and the whole acceptance thing has always made you uncomfortable and maybe it's a problem for a lot of people. But not for us, not for me. You are our family…and we will always be united," says Neytiri as she caresses your cheek.
"Let's stop crying, it's not good for you. Neither you nor our baby" Neytiri pulls down a little, and gives you a soft kiss. "See…I'm the one who's left over here" jake jokes, making you both laugh, breaking the awkward moment. You take his hand, inviting him to join you. -"By the way…why were you thinking those things?" neytiri asks. You pull away from her a little. "Ahh it was a comment ronal made…but never mind" you watch as neytiri's ears perk up and her nose wrinkles. "calm baby" jake says, looking at neytiri. You knew what neytiri thought of ronal. They had been in the metkayina clan for a while and she still couldn't tolerate that woman. But she would deal with this, neytiri wasn't going to leave it at that. ++++ The next morning, you felt a little better. Better in health and in spirits. You needed to have that talk with Neytiri and Jake. Their opinion was very important to you and setting the record straight helped you feel better. Jake and neytiri left early for a day of hunting that tonowari and ao'nung invited them to, while you stayed at the marui with lo'ak, kiri and tuk. Neytiri had gone for a 'walk', she didn't tell you exactly where she was going. But you didn't think much of it, Neytiri wasn't a troublemaker, so you stayed calm. -"Good morning mama" lo'ak just got up, sitting down next to you. You were humming, while tucking one of his braids behind his ears. "Are you hungry? Here's some fruit" you hand him his portion of fruit. The boy was snoozing, still sleepy. "Ahh my poor baby" you hug lo'ak. -"A giant ugly baby," says Kiri. The girl had been sitting next to you. Lo'ak pulls out his tongue at his sister, they were about to start arguing, when you scold them.-"Hey, it's too early for you to start with your stuff, let's eat" you say, taking Kiri's hand so that she sits next to you and starts eating. Tuk was still asleep, so you leave her alone.
"Lo'ak…after you finish eating, could you please go get some more fruit." you speak, you see lo'ak nod his head, the boy had his mouth full. "Kiri…you should go and join your brother" you can hear the girl complain, "ahhh mama!!!" kiri complains, lately she wanted to stay all day at the marui. You knew she missed spider, but it wasn't right for her to do nothing all day. "You're going to go and stretch your feet and hands and your whole body, yes?" you look at Kiri, she was grim-faced. Sometimes she looked so much like grace, you adored her. "Ok, I'll go…but I'll come back quickly. I want to be with you" kiri rolls her eyes, and keeps eating. After eating kiri and lo'ak walked out of marui, leaving the place still and quiet. You hope that this day will continue to be quiet. But you are not aware of what Neytiri was about to do.
Neytiri had a mission when she woke up that morning, and she was going to accomplish it. No one was going to talk about her partner, no one. And for Ronal to say those words to you, it hurt her very much. Neytiri knew that she was not very welcome in the clan, and the only reason they were still there. It was because they needed it and because Tonowari had accepted it. She arrives at where ronal was, the woman was on her way to her marui when she met neytiri. "hello," says ronal. And neytiri greets her, insisting that they should talk. Ronal thinks for a moment, she had already dealt with Neytiri. And she knew she was a strong woman, and that the only reason she would talk to her is because something had happened. Ronal invites Neytiri into her marui. Neytiri sits down, analyzing the whole situation around her. -"So what brings you here?" asks Ronal.
"First I'm grateful for the help towards y/n, thank you" says neytiri. Seeing how ronal lowers her head and laughs to herself. -"Yes, you're welcome, after all that's my job," says ronal.
"yesterday… when y/n came out of your marui, she told us that you had told her that it was better for her to go back to the jungle, and that we were better off without her. I'd rather you stay out of our business and save your opinions," says neytiri, and from the tone of voice it didn't sound kind. Neytiri didn't care what position Ronal had, no one was going to meddle in her business. -"I don't think I said anything that wasn't true, or am I wrong?" ronal knows how to get neytiri out of her mind. "Our life as a family is not your business," neytiri says.
"What family? The strange inter-species gathering you have, because you yourselves became a point of opinion when you accepted that demon into your family" spits ronal. Neytiri takes a deep breath, clenching her hands. "I recommend you keep quiet…" says neytiri, trying to control herself. "I thought it was a joke when they said that demon was your mate, but now it turns out you have a half-Na'vi child and another on the way, who knows how I will come." Ronal doesn't know what she is provoking. Neytiri is holding back, but it is driving her point across. "She will still be a demon, and everything that comes from her will be" those were ronal's last words, until neytiri got up from the ground. Pulling out her knife in one swift movement. Approaching ronal, she curled her up in her seat.
Placing the weapon to her neck. "Let this be the first and last time you talk about my family like that…you don't know how things happened. I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TALK SHIT ABOUT MY MATE AND MY CHILDREN, EVER!!!" neytiri screams. The woman is furious, neytiri had been through a lot of anger with you, and it wasn't because of you. It was not because of you, but because of the people around her.
Neytiri was not a fan of humans, if she could be away from them so much the better. But she loved you, you were different for her. She saw you as a creature and not as a human. You and neytiri have known each other for years, since grace school. You know everything neytiri has been through and you have always been there for her. It was painful for her when you two had to move away from each other, it was almost like another loss for her. But since you two became a couple with Jake, her anger about the comments made to you had grown. The na'vi saying nasty things about you, no matter that your children were there. Saying that you were too extra in their family. But when neytiri was going to react to those comments, you were always there to stop her, telling her to ignore them. But yesterday, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Neytiri had gone through so much these past few months, and when she finally felt a little happiness with the arrival of you and a new baby, this idiot comes to ruin her life. This idiot came to ruin it, she was annoyed. Why weren't you here to stop her. -"I recommend you put down that knife," says Ronal, looking into Neytiri's eyes. These were black with fury.
By coincidence or by pure luck. Kiri and lo'ak were passing by ronal and tonowari's marui. When they saw the situation forming, lo'ak and kiri immediately run to stop their mother. Lo'ak grabs neytiri from behind, pulling her off of ronal. -"Mom, what's wrong? Calm down!!!" says lo'ak, while kiri stands in front of her mother hugging her. Neytiri is a little upset, screaming to be released. But her children were holding her back, they didn't understand what was going on. -"Kiri goes and gets dad," lo'ak orders Kiri. The girl runs off as fast as she can to look for her father. While lo'ak tries to reassure her mother. -Mom calm down, why are you acting like this?" lo'ak is confused, he has never seen his mother act like this before. "Don't you dare say a damn thing about my family!!!" shouts neytiri.
In the family marui…
Jake arrived with neteyam, carrying a basket full of fish. "Love…look at all the stuff we brought, neteyam was amazing. Next time I'm going to take lo'ak with me" jake was so happy, coming up to give you a quick kiss. "mmm I see, congratulations" you kiss him back. Moving closer to neteyam, to help him. "Thank you mom," says neteyam. - "Honey…go and eat your breakfast, yes?" you say. Handing him his fruit packet, your poor boy had left very early and you know he hadn't eaten. "hey, where's neytiri and the kids?" asks jake, sitting down next to you. "Neytiri told me she was going for a walk and told the kids to go get more fruit" you say. -Perfect" says Jake getting down to give you a kiss on your shoulder. "I love you…I don't like it when you're mad at me" Jake speaks in your ear. You laugh a little, because you were still mad at him. But he knew how to play your game.-"mmm we'll see…I love you too" you look up, waiting for jake to give you a kiss. When an altered kiri runs up to marui. "DADDY I NEED YOUR HELP WITH MOM, SHE IS DISCUSSING WITH RONAL, SHE HAD HIS KNIFE ON HER NECK" kiri yells, the girl was so upset. "What?" you guys stand up quickly. Following the girl. "Neteyam, kiri stay with tuk, please" you ask that favor, and walk out behind jake.
Tonowari had arrived on the scene, trying to calm everything down. "SHE was the one who started saying all those things!!!" neytiri is defending herself. "I told the truth!!!" ronal on the other hand defending her point. While tonowari was trying to understand what happened. He had in front of him two women with a strong character. Jake approaches and you were behind him. "Mom" lo'ak walks up to you, holding your hand. "What happened?" you ask, this was crazy. Lo'ak looks at you, lifting his shoulders. Neytiri was screaming and so was ronal. And on the other side was Tonowari and jake. - "mom come on, let's go!!!" lo'ak was dragging you with him. The boy didn't want you to be there, he thought it was a dangerous situation. Little by little you move away from the group, and you decide to listen to lo'ak. And you both walk towards your marui.
You were nervous, because lo'ak didn't know what had happened, much less you. And the best thing you did was to walk away, you are getting really sick. Suddenly you see how jake and neytiri enter. - "neytiri all that…" jake starts. - "Nobody is going to be talking about my family, my children…nobody." neytiri was so upset. "What's going on?" you get up from the floor, looking at jake. - "listen to me…we will stay here until the baby is born, then we will leave" says jake. What was going on, this was a lot of information to process. But with the look Jake and Neytiri were giving you, you knew they were serious. This was a choice they had made, and they had no intention of changing it.
When the dust settled, Jake explained everything. This agreement he made with Tonowari. After all the discussion was calmed down and explained. Tonowari knew that Ronal could be cruel when he spoke and didn't mean what he said. So he didn't blame neytiri too much for reacting that way, but he also had to defend his partner. Jake couldn't believe what that woman said about his partner and son. This was the limit, he was grateful for everything they had done, but everything had a limit and Ronal had passed it. So it was decided that when you gave birth, they would go somewhere else. Tonowari insisted that they stay, but jake refused. -"But we could leave now," you say. -"I think it's best to wait for the baby to be born, and for you to be healthy. Then we'll go" Jake looks at Neytiri. She was the one who had the idea, she couldn't stand to be around that woman anymore. -"It's for the best!" says Neytiri.
That same night, jake approached lo'ak. The boy had done a great job, defending his mothers. Jake was proud of how he had acted. Lo'ak was cleaning some fish, as Jake had told him earlier. Jake went over and started to help him. "You know… I'm proud of you. You were very brave out there, thank you for helping" says jake, noticing how lo'ak's little eyes widen with excitement. Lo'ak thinks it's the first time his father has ever told him he was proud of him. After the encounter with the RDA, things between them had mended somewhat, but not for long. And seeing that his father was now trying to get closer to him was pleasing to him. "That's what you should do, sir," says lo'ak, lowering his head. "dad…you can call me dad" jake smiles at lo'ak. " dad" lo'ak speaks, leaning closer to his father.
Neytiri and you were watching everything from afar, both of you shared a few glances. You were happy, that finally their relationship was at a good point.
8 months later…
Your pregnancy went normally, no problems had occurred. Although the atmosphere was a little heavy, nothing happened. You always had someone by your side, and there was always lo'ak behind you. Since that accident, lo'ak never left you alone at any time. And you were also grateful for the company of your child, the pregnancy had been very tiring for you. After long months, liuk was born… a beautiful baby girl. A girl with human appearance, but with na'vi characteristics. Na'vi ears, with a tail and her distinguished Queue. She was also of human size, she was very strange. But precious and unique at the same time. Everyone in the family could not believe what they were seeing, this was very strange.
"Mom…no wonder your belly was so small" says neteyam, looking at her newborn sister. Compared to when you were pregnant with lo'ak your belly was bigger than normal, but with liuk…everything went like a normal pregnancy. -"Yes" your voice sounded tired, the delivery was quite fast, but painful. Neytiri at your side, taking care of you. She had attended your entire delivery, along with Jake. She said she didn't want Ronal's help, she wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. On the other hand Jake looked worried, you looked very weak. In a week they were supposed to leave for somewhere else, but on second thought, he doesn't think it's right. He thinks it's not the right thing to do.
Lo'ak was sitting on your right side, holding your hand. Drawing circles on your palm, while his sisters watched and carried the baby. He hadn't been holding her, he was worried about you. It had been a couple of hours, and you still felt very tired. "lo'ak…love why don't you say hello to your little sister" you look at him, laughing a little. You knew he was nervous, telling kiri to hand the baby over to lo'ak. He holds her carefully, - "she is…very small" says lo'ak. You laugh, you were watching your baby holding your new baby. You wanted to die of tenderness. Lo'ak touched the baby's nose, and then her tiny feet. His baby sister was so tiny and adorable. -"She looks just like when lo'ak was a baby, doesn't she," said Jake, moving closer to lo'ak to take a closer look at his daughter. "Yes… they look just like each other," says Neytiri. Jake takes the baby in his arms, to put her on his chest. He was afraid… very afraid to leave.
Leaving this clan was dangerous, very dangerous. And now he felt much more afraid… they had a new member in the family. And one who was very weak, you had to hide and not expose yourselves in this way. He knows what had happened, but you could all come to an agreement. Jake had to talk to you and Neytiri about it. They had a safe home, their children had already adapted and they had a newborn. They had to stay. That same afternoon, without wasting any time, Jake decided to talk to Neytiri and set the record straight. He made her understand that the best thing to do was to stay in the clan. Neytiri did not take this well, she wanted to leave. But she also understood Jake's point, things could get worse. Neytiri apologized to Ronal, and the woman apologized to her. Tonowari and Jake argued and left everything in a good state. After all, nothing had happened between the families, just that misunderstanding. Although neytiri prefers ronal to stay away from her family.
After three months, life seemed to be calmer. Things seemed to be back to normal. There were no arguments and everything was harmonious. You were on the beach, with lo'ak. You were still healing, but you were feeling better. Meanwhile lo'ak was holding his baby sister on his chest in a kangaroo that you and neytiri had made. The baby had grown a little, but still looked human-sized. You had talked to Norm, who told you that in a couple of days he would see the baby. Everything about her was impressive. -"Mom…I think she's heavier," says lo'ak, stroking his baby sister's head. "mmm I think a little…but that much" you were looking for some snails to make something nice for the baby. - "mom look at that over there" lo'ak points to the sand, watching you reach for it. Without noticing ronal's presence.
The woman had approached you, silently. She felt like she owed you an apology. After talking to jake and neytiri. And even with Tonowari…she owes you an apology. It was very wrong of her to say those things about you and your children. She had not taken the task of knowing you, and she only judged you. – “Hello,” she says slowly, seeing how you look at her with surprise. It had been a long time since she last approached you. –“Hello” you speak embarrassed. Lo'ak holds her sister tightly against her chest, protecting her from her. If something happened, he was ready to defend her. –“I come here to apologize…I know that how I have expressed myself towards you, it is not the best way. I hope you forgive me” she says ronal, she still sounded a little smug. But you decide to accept her apology, you wanted to keep the atmosphere as it was at the moment. –“don't worry…everything is fine” you say. You felt so uncomfortable right now.
“Well…take this” Ronal hands you some kind of drink. She looks at you with concern and then you look at her. –“don't worry…it's nothing bad. It will help you heal faster, the recently given birth women of the clan use it” Ronal laughs a little. You accept her gift, and thank her. Ronal says goodbye and continues on his way. Out of nowhere you feel someone take the drink from your hand. “Mom, don't take that…it could be poison,” Lo'ak says, pouting. Caused you to laugh a little. You take a moment to look at the little people in front of you. They were amazing and you had created them. “I love you so much” you touch Lo'ak's face, he laughs a little at you. And he looks at his little sister again. You knew that your children's lives were not going to be easy, but they would always count on your help.
p.s omg, why do I have so much trouble finishing this series, ahh I feel like something is missing!!! ahhhhhh cries in a corner
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annabelle--cane · 6 months
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I guess the thing that makes me not so fond of Jon's addiction allegory is that it's only coherent to a certain extent? Like I think people sometimes forget that he's actively violating these people
anon, through no fault of your own you have accidentally hit upon my sleeper agent trigger phrase. I have layers of answers to this.
so first off, yeah, it's not a 1:1 direct metaphor, it's a soupy dream logic fantasy plot device with flavors of a lot of different things. there's quite a lot of addiction in there, there's some abuse of power, there's some cyclical nature of trauma, there's a dash of disability, there's a few notes of gendered violence, there's a good bit of just. violence violence and being kind of a motherfucker because goddammit it feels good to be an active agent about something in your life, even if it's just choosing to be a worse version of yourself than you strictly need to be. a lot of tma's worldbuilding is very allegorical, but apart from aspects of individual statements nothing really matches up quite 1:1 with a real world counterpart, and if more things did then it probably wouldn't be a fantasy show anymore.
secondly. okay to contextualize this answer a little bit I have a kind of hypothetical video essay project about vampirism and addiction that I like to spend a few hours thinking about every so often but am almost certainly never going to make because the full research burden required is a lot higher than I actually have the time to properly do. but because of that I've spent a lot of time sorting through why framing vampires as addicts really works for me in a way that it doesn't seem to for everyone, and I think a lot of my thoughts on that also apply to jon. there's going to be a bit of a detour here before we get back to talking about tma, but we'll get there, I prommy.
I've seen a lot of people take issue with various paranormal addiction allegories because, a lot of the time, the act that is meant to metaphorically represent the act of use itself is something that is directly and inherently harmful to others, e.g. drinking human blood, handing over power to your hedonistic Evil alter ego, holding the cursed amulet and going crazy going stupid, slurping trauma out of the head of some guy you ran into on a boat to norway, etc., and yeah, I do get that. substance use is not inherently harmful like that to anyone except sometimes the user themself, and addicts are not inherently fucked up and destructive people; those are dangerous stereotypes that often lead to the demonizing of a whole group of sick people.
here's the thing for me, though: those are definitely truths I want explored and represented when it comes to portrayals of non-allegorical actual addicts, but fantasy fiction isn't for showing the world as it is, it's for showing a subjective fun house mirror version of reality where certain aspects are minimized and magnified depending on how it feels to live through it. and yes, absolutely in real life drug use is not an inherently evil act and it does not make you an inherently evil person, but... doesn't it kind of feel like that? sort of? absolutely no one is living their best life nor on their best behavior while experiencing any kind of major mental illness episode, and when it comes to addiction you've got a very clear tangible symbol of when The Episode is happening that it feels like you have much more control over than when it comes to other illnesses. it's also a thing where people are a lot more likely to be openly angry and distrustful of you if they find out it's happening. so you mix together the ideas of "I know I get worse as a result of doing this one specific thing" + "I act less like myself when I'm using, it rearranges my priorities and I care less about hurting people because that's what happens when you're experiencing The Horrors" + "society at large/people directly around me are pretty quick to say that doing this is evil," and you get the subjective emotional result of "I hurt people by using and it makes me monstrous." I tend to respond to those kinds of paranormal allegories like they're just cutting out the middle man of those subjective fears. "using makes me monstrous" -> "using is monstrous."
anyway. jon archivist.
don't get me wrong, I totally understand if this aspect of metaphor doesn't gel for some people and they only like taking it exactly as far as the text explicitly makes them, but I really get a lot out of reading jon's connection to the fears as addiction precisely because he does genuinely awful things to people as a result of it. he's a person in a very bad physical and mental place with little to no support who is constantly being told by both allies and enemies that he's already a monster just by being alive, and he copes with that by secretly falling further and further into an compulsive act of consumption that skews his priorities and makes him care less about hurting people because at least sometimes getting to be the cause of pain makes him feel a little bit less powerless when he has to be the subject of pain the rest of the time. then he's found out and is made to stop, and he has to grapple not just with the physical toll of withdrawal but with knowing there is a not insignificant part of him that will excuse any act of malice if he knows he'll feel better afterwards.
the end of tma is very explicit in the fact that the rules of its world are shaped by the subjective worst fears of those who live in it, it's "an exercise in unreliably reality" as jonny sims put it once, and I think that principle extends backwards in some ways to apply to the rest of the show. I don't think the fact that there are only entities of fear and not hope or love is meant to be a full commentary on the total nature of the real world, it's a reflection of what fear and suffering can make the world feel like. eric and melanie both go to really harsh extremes to extricate themselves from the fears and live peaceful lives, and in both cases something happens that foils their plans (getting murdered + the apocalypse, respectively), but I don't think the intended message is to say that is definitively how real life works, they are metaphors for the limits of individual agency in larger systems and represent two types of worst-case-scenarios. similarly, I don't think reading jon as an addict implies that addiction inherently involves violence or that the reactions of those around him were completely unjustified, it's just a subjective exploration of the kinds of fears that can come with addiction dialed up to 100.
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purplekissinger · 2 months
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I am the pretty thing that lives in the castle
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And I pray one prayer - I repeat it till my tongue stiffens - Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you - haunt me, then!  Emily Bronte, ‘Wuthering Heights’.
Y/N became a ghost instead of Myrtle. She couldn't care less about Tom. He wishes he could say the same. Wordcount: 3k.
At their first meeting, Tom even shrieked a little (as he later justified, solely because Y/N took him by surprise). He crept towards the sinks that bathed in the bluish light of the moon, and did not at all expect that someone would jump at him from the ceiling with a  “Boo!”
“Boo,” Y/N said reluctantly and passed through him like a light bluish cloud. Tom closed his eyes, but didn’t feel anything.
“Good evening to you too,” he said, looking at her cautiously. Y/N floated up to the ceiling and was now studying the stucco, running her ghostly finger absentmindedly over the frozen gargoyle masks. “What's new?”
“As you may guess, absolutely nothing,” Y/N responded, “but I like that you’re trying to be polite. It's nice.”
“Do you feel ‘nice’?”
“Not really. I'm using words that I learned in life, but they don't quite describe my experience because I've never experienced anything like this before. I'd rather you be polite than rude, and that's my new “nice.”
Tom looked at her, a luminous spot against the black wall, which trembled slightly, like the wings of a strange butterfly. Y/N died wearing a thin shirt, but there was no longer any way she could be cold or get sick.
“If I didn’t know you were a Ravenclaw, I would have guessed by now,” he said.
“I was different when I was alive,” Y/N said judiciously. “More lively”
“You sure were”.
“No, I mean it. I can't explain it enough for you to understand, but this experience is...changing. Everything becomes so transparent, unreal. If I were the same, I would have already cried barrels of tears and flooded the toilet”.
“There is someone who is eager to do that for you,” Tom said gloomily. “Myrtle has been whining all day long, telling everyone what a wonderful friend you were.”
“Me?”  Y/N sounded surprised. “I can’t remember that we were friends. However, I did stand up for her a couple of times…”
Tom kept silent a little longer, angrily tapping his fingers on the broken edge of the sink. When falling, already dead, Y/N hit her head here. They didn't fix the sink, instead, they put a lock on the toilet door, but Tom sneaked in almost every evening.
“Is that why you’re not angry at me for killing you?” he finally asked.
“Well, technically you didn’t kill me. You just released a basilisk, which also didn't do anything against its nature, so it's kind of like an accident. Although I can understand why you didn’t tell anyone about it all,” Y/N said. “No, that’s not the reason why”.
“You are very understanding,” said Tom. “Is it okay if I stay here a little longer? I need to prepare an essay on the history of magic, and tomorrow is the final match between the badgers and Slytherin. All of Hogwarts is shaking”.
“Make yourself at home,” Y/N said indifferently.
She went down to the Chamber of Secrets with him when the time came to seal it. Hovering silently two steps behind him, she looked at the tunnels and rusty gratings that were many, many centuries old, and for the first time something like curiosity was reflected on her transparent face. For some reason this made Tom feel almost happy. Y/N’s curiosity became almost human when, rustling its scales, a huge snake slowly crawled out of the black hole in the wall and surrounded them with a ring, and put its terrible head so as to get a better look at the guests, and hissed in greeting.
“I've read that those who speak Parseltongue can look a basilisk in the eyes and survive,” said Tom, looking down, “but I don’t want to test that.”
Y/N  looked fearlessly with her dead eyes straight into the face of the creature.
“Yes, the cost of a mistake would be very high,” she said. “What is your pet's name?”
“Susie,” Tom said quietly. “It's a girl”.
Y/N smiled weakly.
“Hello, Susie,” she said. Susie let out a squeal that sounded more like a laugh. “Nice to meet you. Unfortunately, this is not for long, because we have come to seal the Chamber of Secrets forever.”
“For a while,” Tom corrected her. “Susie, I'll be back, I promise. I don't know when, but I'll be back”.
He closed his eyes and stretched his hands forward. The basilisk poked its terrible mouth into his chest, and Tom hugged her. 
***
When Tom returned to school the next year, no one noticed anything, and he even began to think that the ritual did not work, but as soon as he crossed the threshold of the toilet on the third floor, a quiet exclamation was heard from under the ceiling:
“Oh! Tom, what happened to you?”
Like a feather or a petal, Y/N slowly descended towards him. Tom looked at her and thought that flying suited her well.
“Is it that noticeable?” he asked suspiciously.
“You have become very small,” Y/N said, flying around him. “Like this,” and made a small circle with her hands. “Where did half of you go?”.
This is how he learned that ghosts see the effects of Horcruxes.
“I won’t tell anyone,” she promised. “Who was it?”
And Tom told her. About everything, about how he found out who the Gaunts were, about how he found his uncle, about the Riddles, about how scary it was to look at his father’s corpse, because he was so very alike him, about how he made a Horcrux right there while the bodies were still warm. It was easy for him, he wanted to talk, to free himself from every detail, take it out of his head, let Y/N look, discuss, judge.
She was in no hurry to judge. She just said:
“This could backfire on you.”
“How?” Tom suddenly felt offended. He just now realized that he would like her to admire what a cool magician he is, and maybe even clap her hands.
“I know more than you,” she said vaguely. “Not everything, perhaps, but more. Yes, I’m still on the threshold, but from where I’m standing, it’s clear that you acted very rashly.”
“What do you mean by ‘still’?"
She didn't answer.
All autumn, winter and summer he went to visit Y/N, even leaving textbooks in a niche by the window. It was quiet and somehow very cozy there, the light from the window was so gentle, and on sunny days the stained glass windows seemed to light up with colored lights. Y/N was silent for the most part, but seeing her figure out of the corner of his eye and hearing her thoughtful humming under her breath was... nice. This was his new “nice”, because something inside of him began to change inexplicably, irreversibly and horribly.
In winter, he asked her to come to the Yule Ball, and she agreed, and she blew out all the candles and ruined the chandelier. Oh, the chaos!.. And in the spring they celebrated Y/N’s first Deathday Party. For this occasion Tom stole a lemon pie from the kitchen, but Y/N politely thanked him and said that she couldn’t eat that. She fluttered back and forth, he chewed on the pie, they argued about the technique of using Fiendfyre, and it was a nice evening.
“I won’t come back here in the fall,” Tom said suddenly, because in fact that’s all he’s been thinking about for the last few days.
“I know,” Y/N said. “You are in seventh year. I can count to seven”.
“But I’ll come back someday,” he said stubbornly. “I just don’t know when”.
“I think I’ve already heard this once”.
“I’ll come back for Susie too, don’t you worry.”
“And what will we do then, riddle me this?”
“Seize the Ministry of Magic,” he blurted out. “Y/N, I'll miss you. Will you miss me?”
“I would like to tell you something nice in response, but I’ll tell the truth. Maybe I won't be here soon.”
He suddenly felt very hot. Then terribly cold.
“What do you mean you won’t be here? Where are you going to go?” Tom asked in an unnaturally high voice. “Aren’t you here forever?”
“Not really,” Y/N answered evasively. “You see, when I died, I was not at all ready for this”.
“Can anyone possibly be ready for this?”
“You must be ready, Tom. Now I know that. I was confused and made... the wrong choice. Stuck on the threshold. Didn't go any further. But I can step forward at any moment, I just need to think it over carefully and make a decision”.
“Can’t you step back?” Tom asked. He did not put hope into these words, but it sounded nevertheless.
“No,” Y/N answered simply. “I died, Tom”.
He rested his hand on his cheek and watched her spin, arms outstretched, right up to the ceiling, the invisible wind blowing her hair. He said:
“I regret that I didn’t know you when you were alive. I think we could become friends.”
“We could,” Y/N agreed. “But for this to happen you shouldn’t have killed me”.
Tom jumped up sharply and, his burning face hid in his hands, quickly walked out of the room. The door slammed so loudly that the noise echoed throughout the entire corridor.
***
Tom did not soon cross this threshold again.
He walked from Dumbledore's office after the first unsuccessful job interview in his life, he wanted to get out of the castle as quickly as possible so as not to endure this humiliation anymore, but his feet themselves led him to the third floor.
“You have become even smaller,” said a familiar voice, which he had only dreamed about in the morning. Loud, distant, but somehow comforting. “You're barely visible”.
Tom was silent. He looked and still did not believe that he was seeing her again. Finally he grinned and stepped forward.
“But you’re still the same,” he said.
“The same, but not quite,” Y/N objected, going down to meet him. “I thought a lot and almost decided to take a step further”.
“But not yet?”
“Not yet. This is a complex process, and it doesn't get any easier now that I have all the time in the world”.
“What exactly are you doing?” Tom asked, leaning against the wall. A forgotten feeling of comfort covered him in a cool wave. He felt like he wanted to stay.
“I’m thinking,” Y/N said. “A lot”.
“Don’t you need to, I don’t know, take revenge on your murderer?” he asked and realized that it sounded like a request. Lord Voldemort had a lot of requests that day.
“No, thanks,” said Y/N. She looked him up and down with a curious look and added: “It seems to me that there’s not much left of him anyway.”
Tom tiredly sank to the floor and tucked his legs under him. He wanted to talk to her again and again, so that she would answer sharply, but always to the point. He wanted her to scream at him, to rush to claw his eyes out, he wanted her to thirst for revenge.
“I sometimes saw you in my dreams,” he said. “Like we’re friends or something.”
“I have nothing to do with this,” Y/N said. “Have you made any living friends over the years?”
“Wait for me,” Lord Voldemort said without listening to her. He wanted it to sound like an order, but it turned out to be the third request.  “Y/N, I figured out how to defeat death.”
“Sure you did”.
“I am not lying. I really fought it all this time and almost won”.
“I wish you would know how stupid you look now.”
“Are you going to listen or not?! I tell you, wait, I will bring you back, I will fix everything, you will be alive again, I will get you out…”
“Promise?”
“Yes, yes!”
“Lord Voldemort's promise?”
She smiled. Unable to look at her, Tom stormed out.
***
The third time he returned to the castle was on May 2, 1998. He walked along the empty corridors of the third floor, and his steps echoed loudly. He was going to congratulate Y/N on her yet another Deathday. In his hands was not a lemon pie, but an Elder Wand.
The door to the girls' toilet was blown off its hinges by the explosion. He crossed the threshold and saw that the stained glass windows were broken, and golden dawn rays were pouring into the room. For a second it seemed to him that the place was empty, that he was late.
“Oh, Merlin!” a familiar laugh rang out. “What's happened to you, Tom? You have become so very small, smaller than a mouse!”
She came down from the ceiling as before, but for the first time he saw her in the pink rays of the sun, and she seemed almost alive. For the first time he saw her almost alive.
“Come with me, Y/N”, he said softly. His hand trembled a little, grasping his wand. “I will bring you back to life. I will give you back everything and  even more. Soon I will have the Resurrection Stone, and you will live again”.
She laughed even louder, twirled as if in a dance, and he felt uneasy.
“Stupid, stupid Tom,” Y/N said. “Still don’t get this, do you? Everyone gets smarter over the years, but you seem to only get dumber”.
And no Avada Kedavra could shut her up.
“But I'm glad you came. Really, I am. I wanted to say goodbye to you, Tom. I'm finally making that step”.
“No,” Lord Voldemort said in a changed voice. “Don’t. Don’t you dare”.
“Or else what?”
“Don't do this”, when was the last time he begged for something, pleaded? Was it with her?! “Stay. Stay, Y/N. I told you, I'll bring you back!”
“You forgot the magic word”. Y/N giggled. She sank to the floor and looked at him cheerfully and seriously at the same time. “I feel sorry for you, Tom”.
He had heard it once before, but coming from her it sounded and felt like “Crucio.”
“I have to go, really. There's no time to chat. I’ll tell you one more thing. Soon you will be offered a choice one last time, so please, please, don’t be stubborn. Can you do this for me?”
Tom looked at her desperately, afraid to blink, and still missed the moment when Y/N melted into the air.
***
The empty platform shines white, as if it were covered with snow. There are no trains here. No people, too. The bench blackens on the platform like a wound. A faint whimper came from under the bench.
A girl is walking along the platform.
She is wearing a thin shirt, but there is no way that she could be cold. The blue tie is fluttering in the invisible wind. She hurries to the bench, bends down, carefully takes out the bundle of robes from there, and opens it, and smiles a little and carefully presses it to her chest.
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dotster001 · 7 months
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Could i request the twst earth thing except they get isekaid in the reader world? How would they act? Or interact with them? You choose the characters!
Summary: Floyd/Jade/Vil/Rook/Lilia
A/N: we'll just say that each one is a separate universe for simplicity's sake. Special thanks to @irrelevantlight @giuliap17 and @fishisahappydog for choosing the characters for me.
To the anon: your idea is really good! And I'm gonna save it for later to make it it's own post
3k followers masterlist
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Hopefully Jade gets isekaid with him. If he is, he will pretend to have a leash on his wild brother. I say pretend, because the moment Floyd sees you, Jade will suddenly stop caring about restraining him, and will decide to explore this world's flora and fauna instead.
Floyd gives zero shits about this world. All he knows is that he can feel you in it, and he has to find you. He'll run the whole way, no matter where he spawns in. He'll sprint towards you, and your poor, human self isn't gonna know what hit you when a wall of man bowls you over.
Stop screaming! He's trying to love you! 
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If he spawns in with Floyd, half of his time is going to be spent being angry. He knows you're here, but he also has to keep track of his brother who couldn't care less about finding his twins favorite "fictional" character. It's slow progress and it may take him a couple weeks to finally reach you.
Whether he spawns in with Floyd or not, he's going to orchestrate a meet cute between you two. He can't expect you to be thrilled if he swooped in and knew everything about you. So he waits.
One day some asshole accidentally knocks into you, and you nearly fall into the busy street. Luckily two strong arms wrap around your middle and drag you to safety. He asks if you're alright, and insists on taking you for a tea to calm your nerves…and the rest is history.
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How interesting….this must be your world! There is no need for him to even process the move. He's traveled many places in his lifetime. This is just a new place to add to his scrapbook!
He also isn't going to rush into a relationship with you. Once he finds you, he's going to make you fall for him. He'll play off his delightful scamp tendencies, and his charming character, and make yu head over heels.
One day you'll confess your feelings for him, and he'll act all surprised. But deep inside he's celebrating another victory for General Lilia, mastermind of the King's army.
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You won't even know he's here for a while. He can't be sure if this "move" is permanent or not, so he's going to establish himself. It won't be very hard with his unearthly looks, and winning charisma.
By the time he comes to find you, you'll know who he is. He'll befriend you, and perhaps you'll even confess to him.
And of course he'll say yes. He feels a little bad that he knows everything about you, and you just think he's some random guy who got famous overnight, but it's easier to believe than the truth. Maybe he'll tell you someday. But only if he figures a way back to Twisted Wonderland.
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He is in no hurry to find you. Yet. First he wants to explore your environment, figure out how his prey's your environment is so he can understand the survival tactics you use. Once he has those, he can ignore them all.
Now, just because he waited, doesn't mean he's going to do what some of these boys do, and get to know you so you don't freak out.
Nah. What you get is a man in a hat spouting a speech at you about soulmates and true love, and how he can provide for your future life living in a mansion in the woods, with a farm, and ten dogs, and thirteen kids that he just found somewhere….
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velvetm00light · 6 months
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Taken
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gif: pinterest dividers: @benkeibear, @mariariley, @haerinism
Chapter Two of Save Me
Previous Chapters: one
Word Count: 3.7k
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader
Summary: You and your team at the BAU come to the disturbing realization that you're the final target of a brutal serial killer. Without any leads, your team determines you need to be the one to draw him out. As you sit alone in your apartment for hours, on edge, you can't help but want your coworker, Spencer, to be there with you. But, is your little crush enough to get you through the upcoming torture?
Warnings: Mentions guns, sexual assault, murder, serial killer, torture, stalking, physical harm, kidnapping, fear. In future parts, will mention vivid torture, PinV, oral, domxsub situations, grief, bondage, physical harm, etc.
A/N: I'm actually enjoying writing this soo much. I hope you all are enjoying reading it! I'm going to write the next chapter in both (y/n) POV and Spencer's POV, so I'll probably post both at the same time!
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YOU CAN'T HELP BUT fidget in your seat at the round table as the rest of the team takes their seats and waits for Hotch's word to begin. You couldn't bring yourself to be in the same room as them as they discussed different ways for you to lure him out, unable to listen and play out those possible scenarios out in your head. Spencer at first fought against your wishes for him to discuss with the team, but all you could do was look into his sad eyes with yours and tell him, "I need someone who is going to fight for me. I trust that you will know when enough is enough." He stopped fighting then and did as you requested.
He was the first to arrive back at the round table, immediately taking the seat next to yours, not even hesitating to give you his hand. You took it greedily, needing any kind of human contact to keep your mind grounded, bonus points because it was him.
"Let's get started." Hotch announced, and you noticed that no one would meet your gaze directly as your eyes wandered to your friends around the table. Your heart sank into your stomach and you had a feeling the discussion they had was a hard one. You can't imagine it being easy for your friends to discuss the best way to capture a brutal serial killer by using your life without actually endangering it.
"(Y/), tonight you're going to go home as normal. We have to assume he watches your every move so he cannot know that we're aware of you being his final target. We obviously will not leave you unguarded, Rossi and I will sit down the street from your apartment, Morgan and Reid will sit in the back of the parking lot so they can see anyone who exits and enters. If he's not bold enough to do anything tonight, we will simulate a day of errands for you, each of us posted where you go."
A chill runs down your spine. It's hard to believe you're about to be sent home and expected to act completely normal. To sit in your apartment alone, just waiting for him to try to break down your door or draw you out.
"You'll let me know every hour how you're doing and call Morgan or Reid if you notice anything since they'll be closest. If it makes you feel more comfortable, we can send someone ahead of you to replace your apartment security guard so someone with a little more training is there."
"Yes, please. I think that'll help." You almost whine. The more you sit here, the less you want this conversation to end because you want to avoid going home at absolutely all costs right now. You know you can't push it off forever or else you risk other women's lives. Before the meeting ends, JJ meets your eyes. "I promise you, we will find him."
"We're going to get this sick son of a bitch," Morgan adds. The rest of the team chimes in and you feel grateful to being going through this with a support system by your side. It makes the tight knot in your stomach loosen a little, realizing that you know you're safe with them. You know your entire team would stay up for days on end to catch this guy, and wouldn't allow themselves a moment of relaxation knowing you're unable to sleep or feel safe in your own home.
Hotch sends an agent to your apartment before you to simulate security guards changing shifts. You hope this will be enough, but something deep in your stomach twists anyway.
Before Reid leaves with Morgan to get to your apartment before you, he pulls you into the kitchen - a public place, but with enough cover to make your body heat. The thought of getting caught doing something scandalous sends a shiver up your spine but you quickly chastise yourself. Your life is in danger, now is not the time for fantasies.
"Can I ask you to do something for me?" He asks softly, his face looks battered from stress and you're sure you look the same. "Of course."
"Can you text me too? To let me know you're safe."
"Of course I will." You try to give him your best smile, but it falls flat. His care is warming, but it's hard to feel anything other than absolute fear at the moment.
"You're going to be okay," he promises. He abruptly pulls you into an embrace and you waste no time relaxing into his chest. He smells of almond and lavender. You take a deep breath, trying to memorize the smell of him. Your embrace ends too quickly and he leaves you standing alone in the kitchen.
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After a torturous drive home, you pull into the parking lot of your apartment. You quickly scan your surroundings, making sure to wait an extra moment before exiting the car to see if another car pulls in. You spot the car Reid described to you sitting in the corner in the back of the parking lot and you let out a relieved sigh. This whole situation is terrifying and ridiculous all at once. You remember Hotch's words and get out of your car, trying your best to act as if you aren't completely afraid for your life and you're not about to spend the entire night rechecking your door and window locks, making sure all your hidden guns are reachable and in place.
You pass the agent posed as a security guard and trying not to draw attention to yourself as you head down the left hall towards the elevator to your apartment. You would be out of your complete mind to take the stairs in this situation, but you're unsure if an elevator might actually be worse if he were to randomly enter it.
The elevator stops with a jolt and opens on your floor. You take a cautious peak out and check down the hallway left and right before exiting. You quickly make it to your apartment door, looking back to make sure there's no one in the hallway. If you're lucky, he might not know what exact apartment you live in, but then you realize with despair that if he's been watching you for however long, he could have easily seen you enter and exit your apartment multiple times.
You fumble with your keys as you try not to act panicked and open your door. You swiftly enter and lock it immediately behind you, making sure to lock the deadbolt and put the chain on as well. You loose a deep sigh and your eyes widen at the fact that you still might not be safe yet. You didn't even think about the fact that you'd have to check your apartment when you got here to make sure he wasn't already waiting for you.
You quietly pull the gun from the holster on your side and slowly work through your apartment, turning on every light and lamp possible, locking every single window you walk past, checking inside your bedroom closet, the kitchen pantry, the small storage closet just outside your bedroom, and even behind the shower curtain. Once you've decided that there's no possible place for him to hide, you finally feel your muscles relax. You place your gun back in your holster, unable to feel safe without it by your side.
You grab yourself a glass of water and some snacks and decide to stay in the living room. You're able to keep an eye on the door and balcony simultaneously. You don't risk turning the TV on or listening to music to relax you. You need to be at complete high alert until your team catches this son of a bitch.
Time goes by agonizingly slow as you try to keep yourself awake and entertained. A full pot of coffee sits on the counter for you to refill as the night goes on, although you're unsure if you'll even need it. The fear is enough to keep your blood pumping hard through you. You try to play card games with yourself and practice some card tricks Spencer taught you when you first joined the Bureau.
You aren't able to keep your attention on one task for too long, your fear pulling your eyes to scan every inch of the room. You decide to risk sneaking a peak through your balcony curtains. You look out from the side, just barely moving the fabric over so no one would notice a disturbance in the curtains from the outside. After deciding the coast is clear, you recheck the balcony door lock and do a walk through of your apartment once again, checking locks, hiding spots, your gun always close by.
The first hour passes and when your phone buzzes it just about makes you jump completely out of your skin. You reach into your pocket to pull it out and quickly read a text from Hotch, asking for an update. You reply to let him know that everything's normal so far, all possible access points are locked and you've gone through your entire apartment in intense detail.
You remember the promise you made Spencer and text him as well, basically explaining the same thing you told Hotch.
Me: im scared spence
Spencer: I know, that's okay. You're brave, remember?
Me: im trying really hard to be. i can't even turn on the TV or focus on anything long enough without getting worried im going to miss something and he's going to catch me off guard.
Spencer: You're the strongest person I know, don't let him control you. These offenders love control and making you feel helpless.
Me: he is controlling me though. i cant even imagine sleeping, im jumping at every car door being shut, every car horn from the street, every bug at my window. even if we catch him, will the fear ever go away?
The text bubble appears and disappears a few times. You start to wonder if maybe something happened, if they caught someone trying to get into your building when your phone buzzes in your hands.
Spencer: I think we both know the statistics. But, I promise that I will do everything I can do ease the fear and be there for you when it's too much.
You begin to get teary eyed at his promise. Never in your life have you felt cared for or protected. It was always kill or be killed and you fought for your life since you were a child, just trying to survive in a world destined to chew you up and swallow you.
Me: thank you spence. that means more to me than i think you'll ever understand. you mean more to me than you'll ever understand.
You set your phone down on the table next to you, feeling jittery after sending that text. You deleted it and rewrote it about 5 times, but if your life is in danger, why hold back? You also think about how he might try to profile you and believe you're forming an attachment to him due to trauma bonding or transference.
You let out an aggravated sigh and rub your face with your hands. This has complicated your life in just about every way possible and you promise yourself that if you ever get your hands on the man that feels like he can make you cower away, locked in your apartment, you'll make him regret it.
I pick my phone back up and when I see Spencer hasn't replied, I text again.
Me: have you guys seen or learned anything?
Spencer: Not yet. Few people have walked into the building but we're not legally allowed to deny people the right into their homes. You live on the third floor so hopefully that should deter him from your apartment.
Me: hope so. im not sure i could ever come back here and live my life without fear if he chooses here.
Spencer: That's understandable. I don't think he's prepared for his endgame just yet. But I'm also not sure he is disorganized enough to attempt to attack you in broad daylight in a public place like the grocery store.
Me: he abducted those other women in broad daylight in high traffic areas though and no one saw a thing.
Spencer: (Y/n), you're a federal agent. If he has an IQ that's at least half of mine, he would need extra planning. A damn good rouse to lure you away and that's only if he's confident we have no idea you're his target. Don't worry, okay? We will stay here all night for you.
Me: thank you..it helps to know you are here. i don't feel alone in this.
Spencer: You're never alone. Never again, (y/n).
Spencer: As much as I want to keep talking to you to make sure you're safe, I think it's best you focus on your surroundings. Deep breathing exercises actually trick your brain into thinking that you're relaxed and takes your body out of flight or fight.
Me: are those drs orders?
Spencer: Yes, now be a good girl and relax.
Your breath catches in your throat with his last text. It takes you aback at the pure brashness of it, something you weren't sure he was even capable of doing.
You do as commanded and you allow yourself to pull your legs up onto the couch, despite the impracticality of it in the sick chance he breaks into your apartment. You try your hardest to do breathing exercises you found on Google.
You are slightly surprised when your body begins to relax a bit and you feel less at edge. You don't allow yourself to completely let down your guard, but you welcome the slight relaxation of your muscles at least.
Minutes turn to hours and if you didn't have your phone to check the time, you would have thought days were passing by. All you've been able to do is stare at the ceiling when you're not making your routine patrols around your apartment. You feel as if you're starting to get a bit stir crazy.
You check in hourly with Hotch and Spencer, not allowing yourself too much of a distraction. But, as the hours tick by, your eyelids get heavier and heavier. You begin to lower your vigilant wall the tiniest bit. If he wanted to attack here wouldn't he have done so by now?
Me: im so tired.
Spencer: It's okay to sleep. It's highly recommended by every doctor, including me.
Me: alright smart ass. do you think he would've already tried something by now? the suns about to come up and it's been almost 12 hours.
Spencer: Go to bed. None of us are going to sleep so you're safe. You've been through a lot, you deserve some rest, even if it's just an hour.
Me: i guess youre right. ive got all my locks in place anyway and i guess i would probably hear if any glass broke but i dont know how anyone would expect to take an entire grown woman down 3 levels without risking being seen by using the stairs.
Spencer: You don't need to justify sleeping to me. You deserve the rest, no matter what. No justification needed.
Me: Thank you, Spence. ♡
Spencer: ♡
Still a bit weary, you decide to check the balcony and do your patrol once more before you allow yourself to relax. After determining the coast is clear, you decide to finally retire to your bedroom. You unhook your gun holster and lay it on your nightstand, making sure to keep it in reach in case.
You don't even bother changing out of your clothes as you finally climb into bed. You let out a small moan of relief and sleep consumes you almost instantly.
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You're taken out of your sleep by a loud thud, confusion overtaking you for a few moments as you blink rapidly around the room, attempting to adjust your eyes to the daylight. You're frozen in fear as your vision clears and there's a gun pointed right to your face.
The man holding the gun is in a regular hoodie and jeans, seemingly normal. You reel your terror back as you hold your hands up in surrender, attempting to make him believe you're willing to do as he pleases in hopes he makes a mistake.
You eye the time on the clock on your nightstand, if you can only distract him for a little bit longer, Hotch will call you when he realizes you aren't replying to his hourly check in and they'll come up here and save your ass.
All your able to do is stare at your attacker and stay completely still. You rack your brain for the best possible thing to say to get him to deescalate or at least lower the gun. "What's your name?"
"My name?" He questions, tilting his head to the side. You thought he might be put back by the question, instead he seems to have gained a confidence your profile suggested he was close to growing into. You suppose he must have had some new found confidence to be able to sneak past multiple undercover agents, and into a room on third floor with all doors and windows locked. He makes no move to lower the gun and no attempt to answer your question.
"How did you get in?" You ask as calmly as possible, hoping he made a mistake that way at least. Maybe your team was already outside, discussing how to play it to where he surrenders. You realize your luck as probably fallen short at the way a wicked smile spreads across his face.
"Do you not want to talk?" You try again. The blog posts he made about you play over in your head. You're hoping he takes the bait.
"Don't you think it's a little late to talk?" The gun stays unwavering in your face.
"What do you mean?"
The smile falls from his face and if you were in a cartoon, you can almost bet smoke would come out of his ears.
"What do I mean? You know what I mean!" He roars, shaking the gun angrily around. You decide to take this as your opportunity now that the gun isn't pointing towards you.
You release your leg from under the covers and kick as hard as you can muster into his abdomen. He reels back and you stumble out of bed and attempt to retrieve the gun on your nightstand when you realize it's no longer there. You spin around in time for his fist to connect with your jaw, knocking you off your feet, your knees barking as they connect with the hardwood.
You sweep out his legs from under him, sending him to the floor along with you. You spot his gun laying on your bedroom floor, right next your dresser, which unfortunately, he is right in front of. Before you can think to hesitate, you're up on your feet and lunging for the gun.
Before you're able to reach it, he grabs you by the collar of your shirt and swings you around and slams you into the wall. The breath clears your lungs and all you can do is fall to the ground on once more.
Blood from somewhere, you assume your face, drips onto the polished floor below you. You attempt to play the defeated victim, hoping it draws him close enough for you to catch him by surprise.
His heavy feet slam against your floorboards until he is right in front of you, gun completely abandoned on the floor. He grips your neck with a strong hand and lifts you to your feet. When he brings your face to his, you spit blood into his eye, causing him to drop you.
You use the few moments you gave yourself to at least make it out of your bedroom, grab a knife or one of your hidden guns, anything to give you the upper hand against a man twice your size and strength.
"Bitch!" He roars, wiping furiously at his eyes as you scramble with the door to your bedroom. You swing it open and lunge towards the closet gun you can think of when you see the open compartment, your gun missing from it.
"You think I don't know every single detail about your life, (y/n)?" He laughs from behind you as you're frozen in the middle of your living room. "I've been waiting for a long time, (y/n). Do you like the presents I left you? I figured I'd show you what I would do to you."
"You have an odd perception of the word present." You deadpan. You scramble to come up with a solution. All your guns are gone, if you run to the kitchen you better hope to hell he doesn't shoot you first or get there before you. "What do you want?"
"You." He smiles, and before you can react he's on you again. As you fight tooth and nail against his raging grasp, you hear your phone begin to ring. You allow hope to bubble in your chest, just a few more minutes, you say to yourself. They'll save me.
When you finally think you have the upper hand on him, he lands a fist to your temple that throws you to the carpet. Your vision spins as you attempt to crawl anywhere but where he is. You feel his laugh in your bones and you can tell he is taking his time taking in his win and the power it gives him. Your sight becomes blurry and you fight as hard as you can against it. But, all you seem to have the strength for is to watch blood spill from your mouth and the wounds on your face, onto the carpet of your living room. You gather enough strength to at least look your attacker in the face and deny him as much of the power he craves as you can. "I'm not afraid of you," you whisper. Your throat feels tight, and it's almost impossible to swallow. You spit blood onto your carpet as you try to relieve the pressure in your throat.
"You should be," is the last thing you hear before you see his boot come down towards your head and the world turns black.
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notthestarwar · 8 months
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God I'm legit screaming thinking about my reply to this comment again tho
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Like. Such an interesting aspect of the clones is that they did have their childhoods taken from them. It isn't the same as a species that develops at double the speed of humans! Cause they ARE humans. Which absolutely does not mean that they are adult sized children. They are adults. They think like adults. They are developmentally, physically and psychologically adults: but they are not the people they would have been, people with a whole well adjusted childhood behind them.
Which I think is frankly a fascinating thing to explore. It's a great metaphor. When looking at things like: if anyone bothered to ask, could they have consented to their place in the army? Which. Yes. On an individual basis they absolutely could. They are adults, they deserve the autonomy to make that decision and have it accepted, even if the choice they make isn't necessarily the one that another sentient with a different childhood might have made in their position. They can consent. But is it informed consent? Well no. They've kinda been brainwashed. Ethically, you're on unsteady territory there in asking them to choose when you know what their answer is going to be. Does that mean you shouldn't ask? Hell no! Of course you should ask. Does that mean you shouldn't accept their decision? Of course not! They're adults and it's their life.
The only way to approach this ethically would be to give them all the information beforehand and hope that they're as informed as possible. But really. Whatever you do, it isn't really right. The ethical thing is for noone to be in this position in the first place. This isn't ethical unless the clones did have childhoods and were not programmed to WANT to die for the republic and you don't have to ask them under those circumstances, because you've conscripted your army in a normal way.
Anyway my comment (and the fic) kinda went about this in looking at things from a Jedi perspective. Mace is asking. What the fuck do you do in that circumstance? Army has been raised and created in a horrible way, you had no idea and couldn't stop it and now they're being delivered to you. How do you do right by them? You can't! Certainly not as Jedi. Theyre in a ethical trap. They can only try their best but whatever they do, they are promoting the fucked up system that put these men in that position in the first place. Even if they could walk away from the republic (highly debatable) You either leave them to fend for themselves knowing there will be a huge loss of life, or you go in to war alongside them, hoping that in doing so you can smooth the way for them. Hoping that you'll figure out how to free them soon. Hoping that you can save as many of their lives as possible.
Like wow. Terrible situation to be in for anyone. No way you're getting out of that one without betraying them in some way. But for the jedi? Who rely on a philosophy that promotes the importance of all sentient life, to stop them falling and pretty much losing themselves to a mystic power that's gonna do all it can to turn them in to a time bomb, destroying themselves and hurting as many ppl as possible on the way out. Like I can't think of a less conflicting ethical dilemma for them to find themselves in. The war destroys the Jedi. If Palpatine was patient he wouldn't have needed order 66. They were never getting out of that alive. The war broke them, it was in complete opposition to their philosophy and they were tearing themselves apart from the inside.
Anyway this is my comment:
"It is!!! I think this is such a key way that its really hard for anyone to do right by them and be fair. They are adults, it wouldn't be fair to force them in to the life of a child. Or to patronise them. But in the same hand, they shouldn't be adults, something was taken from them and it's not fair to just ignore the fact that their childhoods were stolen from them. They aren't the people they'd be if they got to live those childhoods, but they aren't children either. They think like adults, they feel like adults; but adults that grew in to adults without the learning potential that a proper childhood provides.
It's an extreme, but it's an extreme of an issue that's unfortunately common irl. As an adult whose childhood didn't give you what what you needed, you are innately aware that you lost something that you can never get back. You can make the most out of who you are now, but without a time machine, you'll never have the childhood you should have had. And that, I think is something that Jaster himself is very aware of. When Mace tells him this, he knows the weight of it and he immediately knows that for the clones, it's so much worse.
Like I don't think it should be understated that the whole situation with the clones and the Jedi being asked to lead them was like perfect Jedi torture. It's a complete moral quandary and every way betrays their philosophy. The clones were slaves. They were born to be soldiers, trained from birth, their entire lives built around this war they didn't choose. But it was all they knew. They were indoctrinated in to that life from birth. Had the Jedi found a way to free them, I honestly think the vast majority of the clones would have been offended. They had been raised to believe their life's meaning was to fight for the jedi. They wanted to. It may not have been an informed decision, but, they did want it.
And that's when you really come in to difficulty with, these are adults that should be children. Because it isn't fair to tell another adult that they are wrong to want what they want and that they only want that because they don't have the experience to realise its a bad option. You can't be like 'I know what's best for you'. They are just as much of an adult as you. They are just as capable of thinking things through as you are. But in the same hand, had the clones been born in to a different life, would they still want to be soldiers? Probably not! But they are already adults by this point, their brains are developed, they can't get that childhood back. So to say 'I know that's what you want but it's only because your lack of childhood made you incapable of seeing what's right for you' would be humongously fucked up. There really isn't a way for the Jedi on the council to approach them that doesn't betray at least a part of what the clones are and I think that's important to address."
I do think it's a really interesting thing to chew on and a lot of the debate I see around it in my eyes misses the point completely. There isn't a right answer. There was never going to be a right answer. This didn't happen accidentally. Palpatine set it up to cause as much damage as possible. The clones were born betrayed and the Jedi, were fated to play a part in that, whatever they did. There was no way out.
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fandompov · 1 year
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hello lovely, i have an idea for a request! platonic!sully fam x human!reader; what if jake had a child on earth but haven’t seen them since he came to pandora or maybe he didn’t even know that he had a child. that child is now older and has also come to pandora. just jake trying to reconnect with his long lost child and them trying to be a good older sibling to their blue alien half-siblings. i feel like especially lo’ak would get well along with the reader since he’s had to deal with comments about his extra finger and eyebrows his whole life and maybe he would enjoy having someone to teach him about earthly things :3
꧁༺CONNECTION Part. 1༻꧂
Sully!Family x Fem human!reader
REQUEST ARE OPEN!!! :)
Warning: English is not my first language
Part. 2
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Where you came from, the Earth was no longer as green as it once was, the air was no longer as pure and clean. The Earth had been destroyed by man and his selfishness. But you remember the stories that people told about a place a few years away from the Earth, a place where life exists. Where the richness of varying colors, the trees resemble those of Earth. This planet is called Pandora. A planet where the people who live there are called the Na'vi.
"Get ready to land." a voice said into the microphone. You opened your eyes again, waking up from your thoughts. "So Mrs. Sully are you ready for your new adventure?" said a military man who was sitting next to you. "Yes," you answered in a whisper.
When you left the interstellar starships, you discovered a new world, even more beautiful than you had imagined and seen in pictures. Outside there was someone waiting for you. "Ms. Sully, I'm pleased to meet you, I'm General Ardmore, I'm commander of the Joint Expeditionary Task Force." said the soldier. "Come, I'll show you around."
₊˚.༄₊˚.༄₊˚.༄
"And finally, this is our lab, do you have any questions?" she asked. "What exactly is my mission, why did you send me to Pandora?" you asked, confused by your presence. You were not a person of the army and even less a scientist. Yes, you had very good basics of what was Na'vi and their culture, but then to know you here on this planet where people much more qualified than you was disconcerting. "You will know it when the time will come." said the general Ardmore.
General Ardomore was explaining important things, when she stopped. "Colonel Miles Quaritch, I have someone to present to you." You turned around and saw an Avatar. "Colonel Miles Quaritch, the girl I mentioned yesterday, Mrs. Sully." said the General in a firm tone. You see an expression of surprise and even almost anger when you look at the avatar's face. "Mrs. Sully will leave with you tomorrow."
₊˚.༄₊˚.༄₊˚.༄
You were in the forest with the avatars. Hiding behind some plants. According to Colonel Quaritch, you had to hide behind the plants in order to catch the enemies, "They are approaching, prepare yourself", said one of the avatars. You didn't have the time to understand, that the avatar came out and raised their weapons on four people. "Put it down or I will shoot you" one of the avatars yelled at the young children.
Even though you were still behind the plants, too surprised by the situation, you could see the fear in the eyes of the four people. "Down on your knees, stop fighting!" shouted another avatar who then used his strength to put the tree Na'vi on their knees. "SULLY!!!" shouted Quaritch, "Come here and be helpful." You approached him and he handed you an electronic device. You could see the confusion in the young Na'vi boy's face when he heard your name. "What have we here?" said the Colonel with a smile. "Look Colonel check it, four fingers we have half breed." said one of the soldiers showing the four fingers of the girl to Quaritch.
The Colonel went to the other Na'vi, "Show me your fingers " he said in a strong voice . But, he answered only by showing his middle fingers. "You're his aren't you" Quaritch said with a smile. "YOU!! Come here" said the Colonel Miles. You approached him, while he gave you explanations of how to use the device, you had in your hands. You landed on a page with a picture of a Navi. You could see next to it the name -Jake Sully-.
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mrs-kmikaelson · 9 months
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05| The Tribrid
Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x daughter!reader Summary: As you settle back into the Quarter, you juggle your personal and new professional life—but with the Mikaelsons, it was almost as if there was no difference between the two. Warnings: none Words: 5.6K
Masterlist | Part 6
a/n: i see this series getting long, guys; just letting you know. btw, i'm pretty much unoccupied, so u can expect new posts for this series and possibly other imagines like every 2-3 days. and tysm for all the support! anyway, i'll let you get to reading now.
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I walked into the Abattoir with a façade of confidence. I was now completely sober, facing the repercussions of my drunken actions. It'd been about a week since my agreement with Elijah and he'd only just called me in to speak with him yesterday.
I was currently cursing my drunk self, but at least Marcel was now allowed back into the Quarter without any fuss. Of course, he wasn't allowed back into the slaughterhouse, but he did compel himself a nice little townhouse a few minutes of human-walking away from my place.
In New Orleans, it was always better to live in the Quarter than anywhere else. This was the heart of the city's supernatural happenings. You were both safest here and also at most danger. But I guess, if you had enemies, you wanted to be in the Quarter because, if you had a crew to roll with, then nobody would really try you.
That's how it used to be at one point in time, and that's what the factions were trying to achieve now.
I was immediately greeted after making it past the gates. "Y/N," Elijah said, walking towards me, hands held out. He wrapped an arm around me, walking me to the couches in the middle of the courtyard. I tried not to show any discomfort at the physical touch. "It's lovely to see you."
I chuckled a little. "Feeling's mutual," I replied, causing the nobleman to let out a little laugh himself. I sat down on one of the couches while he sat on the other. "So, what have we got today?"
He sighed, "The withes are unhappy because of- all due respect, Marcellus' actions."
Right. Marcel forbade anyone to do magic. While I understand his reasoning, trying to protect a little witch by the name of Davina Claire, it was cruel. To ask a witch to go without magic was like asking a human not to breathe; it was damn near impossible.
Even though I get what he was trying to do, I still didn't agree with it—but that didn't mean that I agreed with what the New Orleans witches were doing either.
"So I've heard. But I'm sure you're aware of why he did what he did." He was; otherwise, I wouldn't have brought it up. I wouldn't do anything to endanger Davina; she'd become like a family to me. I knew that the Mikaelsons knew all about Davina, the harvest, and whatnot.
"Yes, of course. To protect Davina, I understand. She is special, without a doubt." Elijah's voice with filled with nothing other than conviction; I'd expect nothing less when people were speaking about Davina.
I smiled thinking about her. "Yes, she is."
"However, it still hasn't done us any favours on a community-wide scale." Elijah ran a hand through his hair. "The witches' spokesperson, Genevieve, is just about furious with the treatment they've received." A look suddenly appeared on his face. "And considering the... interactions my family has had with her, I wouldn't want to anger her further, especially since Hayley is with child."
This was the first time my heart didn't stop at the mention of Klaus' unborn baby. Instead, I was too focused on the witch Elijah named: Genevieve. Now, this was a name Marcel had somehow neglected to inform me about, but I was well aware of who she was.
From my understanding, Rebekah Mikaelson killed her the same year the Mikaelsons fled New Orleans, sometime in the early 1900s. Marcel spilled the whole story to me one night when he was drunk.
Genevieve died. Yet, according to Elijah (and I know this is not a coincidence) she's alive leading the NOLA coven.
Great.
I responded after a beat, bringing my hands together. "Okayyy, so what are we doing?"
"Making the witches happy, love."
Now my heart stopped.
I turned my head to see Klaus just finishing walking down the stairs. "Elijah tells me you're our new... fixer." He shrugged, making his way to the minibar. "So fix it."
"Niklaus."
"Get a grip, Elijah. I don't think I'm offending the young woman," he said before turning to face me. "Am I offending you, love?"
I skipped the whole processing bit of this situation and dived straight into my persona. "Not at all."
Klaus made a gesture to me with his hand, turning back to his brother. "See, Elijah. Marcel's right hand has tough skin." Elijah responded with a much more exhausted sigh than before, rubbing his hand on his face. Klaus ignored this, turning back to me with a bottle of bourbon in his hand. "Want me to pour you a glass, Y/N?"
"It is ten o'clock in the morning, Niklaus."
"All the more reason," he quipped back. "Y/N?"
I tried to loosen up, but my smile probably came out a little more tense than I originally intended. "I'm good; thank you."
Klaus looked at me for a few seconds before shrugging and pouring his own glass. Elijah took this opportunity to continue, but not before letting out another sigh. "As I was saying before my brother so tersely interrupted us, Genevieve has agreed to meet with us after I told her that you—Marcel's right hand, as Niklaus put it—were going to be representing us."
I tried to focus all my attention on the task at hand instead of my absent father who kept looking over at me periodically. I remembered what this was like when I did it for Cellie; I just had to get back in the game. "So, if you are looking to make an agreement of some sort, what are you willing to negotiate—give up, even?"
Just as Elijah was about to answer, Klaus briskly cut him off. "Oh, that's all on you, love." I narrowed my eyes slightly and he elaborated. "You decide then and there what you think is fair." He shrugged again, and although he looked carefree, he also had a smug look on his face that I doubt he was even trying to hide. "Ball's in your court." This was a test.
I didn't ponder on that for too long, nodding to him. "I can do that."
Klaus nodded back. He looked like he wanted to say something, but a quick look from Elijah seemed to make him want to hold his tongue. Thank God.
While I seemed like I was coming a long way, just the mere idea of holding a conversation with this man was terrifying. There were so many things I was holding my tongue about. It was just lucky that I so happened to be 500 years old. A few, quick conversations with my dad who had no idea I was his illegitimate child would not break me. Maybe it fucked with my head, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.
I'm here after all, aren't I?
Elijah cleared his throat. "Well, it seems to me that we've discussed everything we needed to discuss for today." He stood up and I followed suit. "Again, it was lovely seeing you, Y/N."
"Likewise." I shook the hand he held out, once again ignoring the weird original rush I felt. "I'll see myself out." Couldn't get out faster.
I walked toward the exit before Elijah could say something gentlemanly about escorting me out and before Klaus could say something that'd boggle my mind even further. I assumed he'd text me the details about the meeting later.
I took a deep breath immediately once I was far enough from the compound that I was sure they wouldn't hear me. I had no idea how I was going to get used to any of this, but it was too late to go back now.
In the meantime, I decided to take my mind off the Mikaelsons for a bit by visiting someone who I've yet to see.
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I walked into the old church with caution. It wasn't like I had a problem with Kieran; I just felt awkward whenever I talked to him, so I'd rather avoid him. I've had enough awkward situations in these past few weeks to last me a lifetime.
To my luck, he was absent and so I just walked straight upstairs, dodging cobwebs as I went until I made it to the attic's ajar door. A girl sat on a stool in front of an easel, painting a landscape. She was so focused she didn't even notice me push the door the rest of the way open.
I smiled, leaning on the door as I looked around the room that'd changed since I last saw it, now more decorated and screaming it'd been touched by a teenage girl. "So Marcel's still got you holed up in here, huh?"
She instantly spun around with her jaw dropped. "Y/N?!" She ran toward me, engulfing me in a tight hug that I'm sure would've broken some bones if I was human.
I chuckled, "Hi, Davina. I've missed you, too."
She pulled back, looking over me with disbelief visible on her face. "Oh, my God- when did you get back?"
"A little while ago. I'm sorry I couldn't come see you sooner, but I've been absolutely swamped. I promise, though—going into the future, I'll make time to see you." Davina smiled, pulling me back in for another hug. Her happiness spread to me and I started smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt. I think this might be the first time I've been this happy since I got back to New Orleans.
Davina was an amazing kid. I was supposed to meet up with Marcel the night of the harvest when he saved her, and so I ended up meeting her a few months before I left. She just so happened to be one of the few people who know my secret. She was incredibly gifted and reminded me so much of my younger self. I felt like I owed it to her, to myself, to be there for her. In the short time I've known her, she's become something like a little sister to me, if not a daughter.
When we broke from the hug, we both ended up sitting on the bed. I let her catch me up on what's been happening, even though I already more or less knew it from Marcel's summaries. "Okay, so if the witches aren't trying to hunt you down anymore, why are you still hiding away in this attic?"
"Well, I'm not hiding away anymore," she replied. "Marcel just figured it'd be safer for me to stay here instead of with them. He still doesn't trust them and, honestly, neither do I. They've been acting kind of weird since the witches were resurrected, but I just deal with it and go there everyday to practice."
I hummed. I understood Marcel's reasoning; keeping Davina at the church was actually pretty smart. I wouldn't trust her with a bunch of vengeful witches, either, especially after they tried to kill her once. But this attic was far too small for a little girl to spend her days in.
I looked around the cluttered room, thinking before I said screw it and decided to propose my idea to Davina. "What if you didn't have to stay here?" I asked, looking back at her.
She furrowed her brows. "What do you mean? It's not like there's anywhere else I could go, besides with the witches."
"Not necessarily true." I sat up straighter. "I mean, my townhouse has three rooms, and only one of those rooms isn't empty." I shrugged, gesturing around the room. "It's bigger than this place, so all your stuff would fit."
She sat up too. "Wait, are you being serious?"
"Hell yeah, I am. And the protections on my place are a lot better than this church's, trust me."
"You want me to move in with you?"
"Yeah, Davina, that's what I've been sayi-" I was cut off when she threw her arms around me in the tightest hug she'd given me since I entered the attic, and that was saying something.
"Oh, my gosh! Yes, of course!" 
I giggled at her enthusiasm, hugging her back before pulling away to pull my phone out of my back pocket. "Okay, I'll drop you off at the apartment now and I'll text some people to come pick up your stuff and bring it to you." I glanced back up at her for confirmation, looking back at my phone when she giddily nodded. "You can just make yourself at home and get settled in. I'll be home a bit later; I just have a business meeting first."
"Yeah, sure." Davina then stood up, looking around and clapping her hands. "I'll start packing!"
I laughed for what felt like the umpteenth time since I've seen her, standing up too. "Alright, D. I'll see you later," I said, but she was already far too engrossed in packing her things, giving me a distracted goodbye. I shook my head, the corners of my lips going up even higher as I left the room.
Thank God I wouldn't have to come back to this creepy ass church anymore. I really hadn't even thought of asking Davina move in with me; it was such a spur of the moment kind of thing, but I had no doubts then and no doubts now. She'd be safer with me than here, with the witches, or even Marcel.
At the though of my friend, I went to text him about this new development, coming across a message from Elijah along the way.
Elijah M. We'll be meeting the witches at 7:00 PM at the compound.
You OK, I'll be there.
I stuffed my phone back into my pocket after responding to Elijah and texting Marcel about Davina. Seven was two hours away, so I had time to go home and freshen up before the meeting.
I wasn't nervous; I'd already been here before, already done it all, but I did feel a weird pressure to do this well. Something in me said Klaus was counting on me to fail, so it was my job to prove him wrong.
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I walked right into the compound later without standing out front for ten minutes like I did this morning. I was gonna have to get used to this all eventually and I'd prefer that'd happen sooner rather than later. 
I was apparently earlier than everyone else because there wasn't a Mikaelson or red-haired witch in sight. I checked my watch: 6:30, it read. Earlier than I expected, but that was fine with me. I wiped the imaginary dust off my outfit: slacks and a tight white dress shirt that I'd unbuttoned just enough to not look like a female Elijah. Resemblance to the Mikaelsons was not what I needed right now.
I was just about to pull out my phone to keep myself busy when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around, my eyes meeting the mother of Klaus' kid. "Oh, hi," she greeted, a surprised look on her face. "What are you- oh, right, Elijah told me you guys were meeting with the witches tonight."
"Yeah- it, uh, appears that I'm a bit early." I chuckled, making small talk even though I really didn't want to have any unnecessary conversations with anyone that lived in this building.
"No, it's a good quality. Elijah's like that," she told me. I nodded, ignoring my thoughts which were questioning her relationship with Elijah. Something told me it was a lot more complicated than it seemed. "I wanted to thank you, by the way."
My brows furrowed. "Hm? For what?"
"For covering me that day with Elijah- and for saving me from that vampire that day, too," she expressed with an almost bashful look on her face. "I realize I was pretty rude to you, but I was really just having a bad day, and-"
"And I'm a vampire, so you were just being careful." She let a small, embarrassed smile form on her lips which I reciprocated. "It's fine, I get it. I'd do the same if I were in your shoes."
"Thank you for understanding; I really appreciate it." I told her it was no problem, resisting the urge to be nosy and ask why she didn't wanna tell Elijah what happened; I didn't want to risk her growing suspicious of me.
Before Hayley and I could fall into an uncomfortable silence, Klaus and Elijah strolled in through the gates into the courtyard. Klaus' eyes narrowed between me and Hayley, probably in a protective manner, while Elijah greeted me. 
"Y/N, sorry to have kept you waiting-"
"Oh, no, it was no biggie." I gestured to Hayley. "I had good company, anyways." Hayley smiled, excusing herself after wishing us luck with the witches, but I doubted I'd need it.
I was good and I knew it. Half a millennium alone in the world taught you how to negotiate, how to get your way when you had no one else on your side. Really, I was less worried about the witches and more worried about being in Klaus' presence.
Speak of the devil.
"The witches should arrive soon," Klaus announced, glancing down at his watch then up at me, a smirk arising on his face. "And then you'll be able to play your hand."
I stopped myself from narrowing my eyes or doing anything that showed I felt the shade he was so obviously throwing my way. Clearly, without even having really spoken to me, dear old dad has decided he doesn't like me, much less trust me. I don't know why that hurt because I don't even want to be talking to him period. I guess there's just a part of me that disagrees with that.
Like this morning, Klaus didn't waste a second before walking over to the bar. "Can I interest you in a drink whilst we wait, love?" He poured himself a glass. "Some... liquid courage, if you will."
He's being a jackass on purpose.
I declined, "No thanks." I shook my head. "I don't need it." And I also don't need to be under the influence around the Originals.
Klaus chuckled in an almost sardonic manner. Like the night I met him, he had a dark air around him that he barely cared to conceal. Klaus wanted people to notice that about him; he wanted people to be scared. And I was, but for entirely different reasons.
However, I'd sooner die before letting him know that. If he wanted to play hard ball, then I'd be the best damn batter he's ever seen.
Klaus turned around, tipping his glass to me. "You're quite confident."
"Well, I can back it up," I quipped back. In response, he sarcastically smiled, taking a sip of the brown liquid in his hand. From the corner of my eye, I saw Elijah glancing in between us watchfully.
"So I've heard- and you know, it got me thinking, what exactly is it about you that makes you so special?" This-
I was given time to pause by Elijah's interjection. "Niklaus."
He held his hands out in the air. "What, Elijah? I'm just curious," he reasoned.
I cut Elijah off before he could say something more in order to respond. "No, it's alright, Elijah; I understand the skepticism." I looked back to Klaus whose eyes just so imperceptibly narrowed. "The reason why people are more inclined to listen to me is because I don't operate with a desire to instill fear in others, just respect." I maintained eye contact with Klaus, hoping he was picking up what I was putting down. I knew he got the message when I saw his jaw clench.
He looked like he was going to say something else, but before he could, the gates to the compound opened. All three of us looked toward the entrance to see Genevieve and two other witches walking beside her, like a little entourage.
Elijah seemed to let out a sigh of relief at the intrusion. "Genevieve," he greeted, walking toward them. "Thank you for agreeing to this meeting. Please, take a seat. Can we interest you in any beverages?"
While Elijah was clearly doing his best to mediate, Klaus didn't say a word, only burning a hole into the side of Genevieve's head with a hard glare while he drank his scotch.
The three of them sat down on one couch as Elijah and I sat on the one parallel to it. "No, that'll be alright," she said, crossing her legs. "I know you appreciate verity, Elijah, so I'm gonna be honest: I wouldn't have agreed to this meeting if it weren't for the woman sitting next to you."
Elijah nodded. "Yes, I'm completely aware. Y/N is here to make sure that we both get what we want and to ensure that the future of the Quarter, and everyone in it, is prosperous."
I smiled, holding my hand out. "Hello, it's lovely to meet you. I've heard many good things about you." That was a lie.
Shaking my hand, she responded, "Likewise. The elders of the coven are practically smitten with you. I've never seen witches so eager to deal with a vampire."
"Well, I hope that, after our discussion, you will also be more eager to work with the Mikaelsons."
Genevieve almost scoffed at what I said. In my peripheral, I saw Klaus roll his eyes—at me or her, I'm unsure. "Please, Y/N—I'm sure you're aware of who exactly these people are and what they've done. Even though you're a vampire, you have to admit it's outrageous." Her voice was incredulous.
I really don't understand what she was making a big fuss about. From the way the story was told, Genevieve used to have a huge crush on Klaus back in the day—ew—but I wasn't gonna actually use that against her. I didn't want her to resent me; I actually needed her to like me for this to work.
"I understand where you're coming from," I told her, managing to muster up a sympathetic expression. "But we all want the same thing: peace. That is the final destination; there are so many stops along the way to get there, so if peace is where we truly want to be, then we need to be willing to put aside our differences."
The redhead sighed. "I hear what you're saying, but how can we expect peace while working with these people? How do you expect us to trust them?" Now, Klaus scoffed, causing both Genevieve and Elijah to look over at him, Elijah with a more stern look in his eyes. I, on the other hand, ignored him altogether, focusing completely on the witch in front of me.
I said her name to get her attention back onto me, thus causing Elijah to look away from his brother, too. "I am, in no way, asking you to trust blindly. We're willing to negotiate; just state your terms." I knew this was dangerous, giving her the opportunity to ask for whatever she wanted, but the witches had been recently oppressed; giving them the chance to ask for what they wanted was like an apology of sorts, one that I felt they'd appreciate.
Genevieve looked hesitant, glancing at both of her associates, to Elijah, Klaus, and then back to me. Even without looking at him, I could feel Klaus staring at me, probably questionably. None of them were expecting that move. 
See, because I was representing the Mikaelsons, Genevieve expected me to state their terms first then negotiate since they were more powerful. So, of course she was surprised.
After a beat of silence, she finally spoke up. "We want to practice freely."
"Done."
"And we want to celebrate our festivals without a hassle."
"Of course."
"And we want to reclaim witch territory for ourselves and ourselves alone, like the Lafayette cemetery." 
"Reasonable," I noted, waiting for her to say something else. When she didn't, I asked, "Is there anything else we can give you? You don't have to answer right now; we'll take some time then I'll get a contract drafted-"
"Esther Mikaelson's grimoire." At her interjection, the room went silent. I didn't even wanna know what Klaus looked like right now, but Genevieve sure as hell seemed to have regained her confidence. "We want Esther Mikaelson's grimoire." That was one ballsy request.
"Are you out of your mind?" For the first time since the witches walked into the compound, Klaus spoke. I looked over at him to see a look of shock adorning his face as if the redhead just tried to kill him—and, I mean, was he that far off?
You don't ask for the Original Witch's spell book without wanting to kill or at least having the ability to kill if you so need it.
Elijah seemed to recover from a shock of his own, trying to calm his brother down. "Niklaus-"
"I am not giving you my mother's grimoire." Klaus had set his drink down, walking toward where we were all sitting. Smoke might as well have been coming out of his ears. I knew that, if I were one of the three witches sitting across from me, I'd be shitting myself. "After what you tried to do to my family, you expect me to hand over-"
"Niklaus." Elijah cut him off, but more firmly and this time Klaus actually listened, turning to look over at Elijah with hard eyes. His eyes flickered to me for a split second before looking back at Genevieve—or glaring, rather.
While Genevieve looked slightly startled, I saw the dead-set expression on her face. It'd be hard to try and convince her that Esther's grimoire wasn't what the witches wanted, but it was possible.
Gears turned in my head as I thought it over until a quick idea popped into my head. At that moment, I began, "I'm sorry, Genevieve. We can do everything else you mentioned, put it in writing, but Esther Mikaelson's grimoire is a no-go." I saw her shaking her head before I even finished.
"Then no deal-"
Elijah cut in, "Genevieve, please-"
"I can give you the next best thing." I caught Genevieve's attention easily, along with everyone else's in the room. In seconds, I had come up with a quick fix; it was a gamble, but if you aren't willing to go big, then go the fuck home. "I currently have a Bennett grimoire in my possession." I paused, gauging her reaction. Clearly, this night was full of surprises. 
I suppressed the urge to glance over at my relatives; I had a feeling that I already knew what their faces looked like.
Genevieve struggled to compose herself, so I continued, "It's yours, so long as you accept." I understood what was happening here: the witches or the spirits or whatever were already decided, and they wanted the Mikaelson grimoire, but how could they be upset with what I was offering? A Bennett spell book was a damn good replacement if I ever saw one, and if anyone knew that, it was Esther's children themselves.
I knew the history—I've spent my life learning it. Ayana taught Esther everything she knew; the Bennett bloodline was one of the strongest, maybe even stronger than the Mikaelsons. And although I doubt Genevieve knew the lengthy Bennett history, she quickly got her bearings and responded, "I- we accept-"
I cut her off, smiling, "Great. Now our turn." I clasped my hands together. "You guys can keep your sanctuaries, the cemetery and whatnot, but in shared areas like the rest of the Quarter, we ask that you remain peaceful and avoid altercations with other factions. We're asking the same of the other factions, as well. Similarly, the Mikaelsons don't want conflicts, so we'd also like to avoid altercations in that area." 
It seemed pretty simple because it was. It was like what Elijah said to me that night in Rousseau's: everybody wants power, and the witches were no different. They didn't agree to this meeting for peace; they agreed because they wanted power, and the Mikaelsons struck this deal for the same exact reason, even if that's not how the nobleman would've phrased it.
While I didn't provide the witches with the same prepared list of terms, what I was asking for would have the same effect. The Originals were already on top, so what more did they really need to ask for?
Genevieve, once again, looked over at the two girls sitting next to her who both nodded at the silent question she was asking. When she turned back to me, the smallest of smiles was on her lips. "You have yourself a deal."
I reciprocated her expression as we both stood up. I shook her hand. "Pleasure doing business with you. I'll work on getting that contract drafted in more detail, so please, come to us with any other requests you may have."
Genevieve nodded, letting go of my hand, and Elijah took the pleasantries from there, walking them out of the compound. This left Klaus and I alone momentarily.
I looked over at him to see that he was already staring at me. I felt a chill go down my spine from how intently he was looking at me, my mini adrenaline rush dying down. It looked almost like he was picking me apart with his gaze.
I didn't want him to think I had something to hide, so I held his stare. We were both silent until Elijah walked back. This time, he didn't seem to sense the tension in the room—that, or he just chose to ignore it. 
"Thank you, Y/N," he said. I looked away from Klaus to smile in response, but the second I did, he broke his vow of silence.
"How do you have a Bennett grimoire in your possession?" Klaus' voice was cold and accusatory, just as his eyes were. Elijah just might have frozen had he not been a thousand-years-old; hell, I probably would have, too, but I'd already been crafting an explanation as soon as the idea popped into my head.
Not the real explanation, but one that made more sense.
I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "I met one a few hundred years ago. She died after she was in the wrong place, wrong time, but she left that book to me."
Klaus didn't look sold. "A Bennett witch left her grimoire with you, a vampire? Not with her family?"
"Well, to be fair, she wasn't in touch with her family at that time," I retorted. "And I was human at the time so, yes, she left it to me because she knew it could come of use one day."
Klaus didn't reply to me, instead choosing to continue staring me down. However, his glare was now lessened, so I knew he sort of believed me, even though he had doubts.
In the time that Klaus wasn't saying anything, Elijah cleared his throat, bringing the attention back to him. When I looked over, he smiled and tried to further de-escalate the situation. "Thank you, again, Y/N."
That was my cue to leave. "No problem. Are you okay with meeting up tomorrow to discuss the contract?"
He nodded. "Of course. Lunch?"
"Sounds great," I said, grabbing my bag that I'd left on the armchair next to me. "I'll see you tomorrow then."
Elijah bid me farewell while Klaus remained mute, but I still felt him staring at me, even as I was walking out; only when I'd walked two minutes away from the compound did I finally let go of that feeling
I didn't speed all the way home this time like I had been doing recently after exiting the Abattoir. Instead, I decided to take this time to think since I really haven't gotten a moment alone all day.
The excuse I gave Klaus wasn't too far from the truth—I only warped it slightly. I didn't know who he knew or how well he knew my mother before he slept with her, but I knew that if I gave him the real story, there was a possibility that he'd find out who I was.
The real story was that my mother was best friends with a Bennett. Almost like history repeating itself if you thought about it; Amelia Bennett was to my family what Ayana was to the Mikaelsons. She was both a mentor to my mother and me.
In reality, we were a lot closer than I made it sound. She was a lot closer to my mother than she was with the rest of her family. We were in Salem; the witch trials were just beginning, so any witch in the area was either preparing to leave or to die. She was anticipating the latter, so before she died, she made sure to leave the assets she had to my mother. 
The other Bennetts didn't dispute this, fleeing west. The rest of the story, I try not to think about. I needed to be strong, for Davina, for Marcel, for Amelia, for my mother, and for myself; otherwise, everything I've sacrificed would've been for nothing.
With that thought, I had a new resolution.
This, what I was doing here in New Orleans, could not fail. I have not lived the life I've lived just to fail. So from this moment forward, I decided to be better, to be stronger. No more quivering at the mention of my father or his baby, no more getting shaken up by conversations with the Mikaelsons.
Walking toward my apartment, I made myself a promise.
This city will not break me, no matter what.
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cookierunauprompts · 3 months
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AU Prompts #12 - ✦💓
<Reader is fem here btw>
CONTENT WARNING : There is a cult, human sacrifices, a bit of drowning and depictions of multiple eyes.
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Admittedly, staying in a cult probably wasn't your best idea after finding out that you were living in a cult for most of your life. But alas, you were stupid. Upon the day of your village's Eclipse Festival, you were called into the Mayor's office. You'd only gone because you didn't really want them to catch onto the fact that you knew about the cult... Unfortunately it turns out that the Mayor called you in because they wanted you as sacrifice... Yippee. So, here you are in your fancy multiple layer dress of thin fabrics(or well, pastry if you wanna get into cookie terms), your body feels numb as you stand off the edge of the cliff at the rushing seas that had turned pitch black. Your mind feels less numb than your body, yet you can barely tell what's going on. You're pretty sure that the Mayor hypnotized you as well. The Beast of the Shadows... You're pretty sure that that's the thing they worship. You can only hope that it doesn't exist, and that you'd die a hopefully peaceful death of drowning. Or maybe a quick one of getting impaled on one of the rocks below. You don't know. And then, you're falling through the air. It feels for a moment like your sailing through space, you couldn't really tell up from down despite knowing what each were earlier. You felt a bit strange from your sudden spinning worldview. Time slowed as you began to think, everything you loved, dreamed, feared, and everything else that seemed so terrifying... You were leaving it behind right now. You hit the water with a loud splash, leaving a trail of bubbles in your wake as your slowly sunk down into the shadows of the sea. Well, at least you didn't get impaled on any of the rocks. In fact, all you could see around you was darkness. Darkness... darkness... Damn, that's a lot of darkness. Oh, there's something new.... Eyes? There's lots of them, big ones as well. Each one bares its gaze into your soul as you sink deeper and deeper. The first coherent though you have? ' Fuck, the beast might be real then.' You feel your back land upon something large, all the while a particularly bright pair of eyes stare at you. And then, there was just darkness.
----
You didn't expect to wake up, mind now unblurred as you can properly think again. First things first, where the hell are you? Looking around... It seemed to be some kind of palace? Everything was decorated in almost gloomy hues of blue and black, reminding you of the abyss you saw before you passed out. " Where... am I?" You mumble out, not expecting any response to come. " This is the Palace of Shadows." A voice begins, startling you as you let a shriek slip out of your mouth. You turn to see another cookie but... it looks like there's something fundamentally wrong with them. Almost like they'd been hollowed out. " The domain of the Beast of Shadows, or as he is known by here, Shadow Milk Cookie." " Okaaayyyy...." You said in confusion. " And who are you?" The cookie before you giggles, " Me? I have many different names and faces." They say almost gleefully. " But I am just an actor in Shadow Milk's plays, I have no real name or identity." Ah, that... probably explains the hollow feeling you get from them. " But you have a very very special role to play! One that will likely never change!" The cookie said enthusiastically, taking your hands and pulling you up off of the floor. " Yes, a very important role to play indeed!" You stared at them, cracking up a confused eyebrow. " Do I have to play sacrifice again? Because I'm not keen on doing that." You partially joke, and it seems like it was funny enough to send the cookie into a fit of laughter. " No, silly! You get to play the role of our Grand Director's Bride!" ... " what."
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crownmemes · 3 months
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Caring & Reassuring Sentences, Vol. 4
(Sentences from various sources for muses that care for each other. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"You know, what you did for me, nobody's ever done that for me before."
"You know, it's okay to be surprised sometimes."
"I just wish you'd tell me if there was something wrong."
"I hope you won't think any less of me for trying to help you."
"I must admit, I don't understand you."
"It's not where you start in this life, it's where you finish."
"Sometimes we do the wrong things for the right reasons."
"Let me try to talk to her."
"You're a damaged man, but you're a good man."
"Perhaps I could be of assistance?"
"I could never have done this without you."
"I could stay, if you'd like?"
"You're frightened because you can't understand it."
"For every problem, there is a solution."
"Everything I did, I did for you."
"I've been where you are. I know what you're going through."
"I've always suspected that you were a little more human than you let on."
"No one can guarantee the actions of another."
"Don't you give up. Don't you dare."
"Your secret's safe with me."
"Well, I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually."
"We're all misled by our heart sometimes."
"No man lives without regrets."
"I'll be home this evening, if you need a sympathetic ear."
"Don't worry, your little secret's safe with me."
"You hide it, but you do have feelings."
"Think of me as a friend."
"I can take care of myself - you just never give me the chance!"
"Love is not a switch. You can't just turn it off."
"Yes, it matters. It matters to me."
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