#Yes I have read most of them yes I’ll reserve my thoughts

[e-hv]

Maybe

this is a repost cause i deleted most of my fics except up which was for a friend

Alexia Putellas X Reader

Tw: Cheating ,Angst

Summary: Maybe in another life

“I never thought i’ll see you with out me ,but i also never thought i’ll be seeing you at your wedding marrying her. My best friend”

You were going through your mail in the morning when you saw an the invitation, from Jane to her wedding with Alexia. You decided you weren’t going to go, unfortunately the universe had other plans for you. When you got to the training grounds, your teammates were already talking about Alexia’s wedding. You knew about her engagement to Jane, after all it happened right after Barcelona won the champions league, the proposal for all to see including you.

You greet your teammates and went to stretch, but when Alexia came in and reminded the girls to RSVP for the wedding before 25th of June, and then asked you if you received the invitation for Jane it was when it all went downhill. You said yes , but that you were not going to the wedding.

She had the nerve to ask why and stated that Jane was your best friend and really wanted you to come, and that you shouldn’t hold grudges for things that didn’t really matter. You told her that you had made your decision and that you weren’t going, when Mapi chimed in, that you should come to the wedding, it’s childish to not come to your best friends wedding just because you used to date Alexia. You didn’t want to hear anymore stupid reasons so you just said you will RSVP today after training, and walked to the weights.

It was the day of the wedding ,you wore a simple dress and attended it. When it was time for the wedding ceremony you wondered if it was too late to walk out, but you decide against it. When they exchange their vows you wanted to cry, because everything Alexia said you thought would be said at your wedding with her. But you took a deep breath, and blink to get rid of the tears, after the Wedding ceremony, Jane and Alexia went up to you, you gave them your well wishes and congratulated them on their marriage even though you wish they would just disappear from your life.

“Maybe it’s my fault for believing in you”

“Hey hermosa, what are you reading.” Alexia asked.

“I’m reading a book, where the girl gets dumped by her girlfriend for her best friend.”

“Why are you reading a book like that ?”

“Dunno, was just feeling sad, but I know you won’t do that to me.”

“Of course, not why would you ever think, that i’ll never leave you it’s you and me forever.”

Alexia said, and you believed her, because why would she lie, in your eyes she was the perfect girl, who you couldn’t believe loved you.

“Maybe it’s my fault for falling into that day.”

It was your first day at Barcelona, you wanted to make a good impression on your teammates. Hence why you were, looking at your phone trying to find the locker room. When you trip and fell into someone, they spilled their coffee. It was Alexia, you apologized profusely, she said it was okay and asked if you were the new signing to which you said yes to. She asked if you needed help finding the locker room and you said yes.

“ Maybe i shouldn’t have trust you when you said you’ll love me forever”

It was your one year anniversary, you and Alexia had reservations for an expensive restaurant. You decided you were going to tell her you love her today. You decided to wear a black dress and when Alexia saw you you knew it was the right decision because she couldn’t stop staring at you. When you got to the restaurant, you took a seat at your table and asked Alexia how lunch with Mapi was she said it was fun, and she had a great time talking to her. When the waiter came she ordered for both of you. She was in the middle of telling you about a football tactic she thought of when you blurted out, “I love you.” She stop talking, and just stared at you, you took that as a bad sign and immediately said, “I’m so sorry you just looked so pretty talking about something your so passionate about and I wasn’t thinking straight, but you don’t need to say it back but I just wanted you to know I love you.” you quicly say.

Alexia gazed into your eyes and said, “You don’t need to worry about me not saying it back, I was pretty sure I was in love with you after our first date, and I know I’ll love you forever, I’ll never hurt you.”

And you trusted her, because she was the first person you said I love you too and if you were that in love with her you decided that you should be able to trust her especially when she said stuff like.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have ask you for your number to buy you the coffee i made you spilled”

After your first day at Barcelona, you asked Alexia for her number so you could buy her another coffee to make up for the one you made her spill. She said it was a date, and you blushed. She gave you her number and you asked her if she wanted to meet you Saturday morning to get coffee and she agreed. You guys talked a lot, it was you mostly asking her about what Barcelona was like and her replying. After you pated ways she texted you asking you out on an official date.

“Maybe i shouldn’t have introduced you to her”

You were having lunch with Jane she came to Barcelona to see you. You guys were talking when she ask to meet Alexia she said she wanted to see the girl who captured your heart. You told her you’ll introduce Alexia to her on Wednesday. You asked Alexia is she wanted to meet Jane and she said sure. So you introduced them on Wednesday and they talked the whole time basically ignoring you. But you told yourself it was normal as Alexia was just trying to get to know Jane because she was your best friend and vice versa.

“Maybe i shouldn’t have asked you to spend time with me Maybe i shouldn’t have asked you to buy me flowers during valentines Or maybe i shouldn’t have been a fool to think that you not doing romance or spending time with me was just how you were “

It was valentines day, you asked Alexia if she wanted to do something with you. She said that she had to call someone and was busy. So you decided to read instead, when you saw that Alexia was going out, you ask her where she was going she said she was going to the supermarket and you asked her if she could buy you flowers. She laughed and said that she wouldn’t and it was pathetic that you asked her that. Once she drove off, you started crying wondering what you did wrong and told yourself she was just not a romantic person and that you were over reacting.

It was your birthday today, you were turning 25, you woke up and saw Alexia dressing up you asked her where she was going. She said she was going to meet a friend, you asked her if she remembered what day it was and she got irritated and told you that you should just tell her and not make her guess and that she doesn’t want to know. You wanted to cry but reminded yourself that it was your birthday and you shouldn’t be said today. So you decided to go to the bookshop and then go eat at your favorite restaurant. You texted Alexia that you would be home by six.

You finish eating early and when you reached the front of the house it was only 5:20, when you stepped inside you heard Jane’s voice and smiled. You though that Alexia didn’t forget your birthday and was actually surprising you with your best friend. Little did you know it was quite the opposite, when you reached the living room you saw them kissing each other. You dropped the bag you were holding on to. They looked at you, and Alexia immediately apologize and told you she was sorry. You asked how long it had been going on and Jane said it had been 5 months, and then she said it wasn’t their fault that they were in love and that Alexia was never truly in love with you. You saw red and tried to slap Jane, Alexia stopped you and asked you not to be so selfish and that you should just accept the truth, she also said she was breaking up with you and asked you to move your things out of the house by Monday. You walked out of the house and booked a hotel room.

“Maybe then i wouldn’t have been so hurt to see you do everything thing i ever wanted from you to her”

It had been a month since you guys broke up and you didn’t tell anyone what happened, all your teammates thought Alexia broke up with you, but didn’t know she cheated. You tried to tell yourself that it was actually okay cause, you wanted someone who could romance you and Alexia wasn’t like that. But then you saw Janes Instagram post, of Alexia giving her flowers and bringing her to a restaurant, and then you saw Alexia’s comment and her own Instagram post. You unfollowed both of them and switched of your phone, then went to sleep. You thought doing that will stop you from seeing the two of them how stupid that was, the next day Jane showed up after practice, and kissed alexia. You just rolled your eyes and tried to ignore them, but Jane said hi to you and everyone was staring at you so you said hi back, and walked to your car. But it wasn’t just seeing their interactions in person, it was seeing it everywhere online whether it be on twitter, Instagram, TikTok or tumblr they were there what made it worse was all the comments about how they were perfect for each other.

Three months later,they were engaged every news outlets featured their engagement photo and everyone congratulated them.

“But Maybe Just Maybe In another lifetime i wouldn’t be so stupid to fall for you”

After congratulating them you left the venue, and went home. You checked the time then took your luggage and headed to the airport, you look at the now barren house and closed the door. While waiting for the announcement for your flight. You thought about everything that happened, while you were devastated about everything that happened, you also knew that you had to accept the truth. But you still hoped that maybe in another lifetime you wouldn’t be so stupid to fall for her.

“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? This is a final boarding announcement for passengers traveling on flight GA123 to London. All passengers should proceed immediately to gate 12A, as boarding is now closing. Once again, flight GA123 to London is now boarding at gate 12A. Thank you”

You snapped out of your thoughts and boarded your flight, and as the plane soared into the skies, carrying you away from the shattered pieces of your heart, you whispered to the winds of fate,

"Maybe in another lifetime, I'll find the courage to write my own love story worth telling.”

#woso x reader #alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #angst #alexia putellas angst #alexia putellas imagine #woso soccer #woso imagine #woso fanfics #fc barca femeni #woso #woso community #womens football #liquidation writes

[finnsbubblegum]

Becoming Mrs. Miller {Part 2: Moving In} (Joel Miller x Reader)

Pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: 18+, mdni, domestic joel, smut, hickey kink, fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up guys) (lmk if i missed any)

Summary: Since your first meeting with Sarah, Joel finally asked you to move in and he helped you move your stuff. 😏

Words count: 1.7k

A/N: Hi! I got some ideas and decided to make a part 2 for Becoming Mrs. Miller. But it can also be read as a standalone. I might make more chapters too! Stay tuned and hope you like it!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

It was very unusual of Joel to ask you out for a fancy dinner date. He was always the type of man who loved simple dates. Your dates with him had been movie nights at his place, getting drinks at the bar, meals at unfancy places and picnics with Sarah. So you were looking forward to your date tonight. The two of you arrived at the restaurant he had made a reservation for. You ordered steak and Joel cut yours into small pieces so you could eat it easily.

“So, I was thinkin’.” Joel passed you your nicely cut steak.

“Hmm?” You looked at Joel and took your plate.

“What do you think about moving in? It would be nice to have you in our home.” Joel sounded nervous and his fingers were twitching.

“What? Are you kidding me? That’s great, Joel. I thought you’d never asked.” Your voice was high as you were excited by his proposal.

“Oh my God. Thank you. I was nervous.” Joel sighed in relief.

It has been a few months since you met Sarah for the first time and Joel finally asked you to move in. And you couldn’t wait to move in. The picture of living with him and Sarah under the same roof had always been in your head.

“Should I start tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, baby. I’ll help you move your stuff.”

You finished your dinner and Joel drove you home. He kissed you on your front porch before he drove back home. You couldn’t sleep that night because you were too excited about Joel’s idea of moving in. You forced yourself to sleep until the sun rose so you jumped off your bed and started packing your stuff. You started from your most important stuff and put them in boxes. You heard Joel was parking his truck and looked at your door. Joel let himself in with the spare key you gave him.

“Hey.” You greeted Joel and continued organizing your stuff.

Joel walked to you, put his arms around your waist and gave you a kiss.

“You’ve packed a lot.” Joel put his hands on his waist as he saw there were a lot of boxes.

“Woke up pretty early today. Couldn’t sleep ‘cause I was too excited.” You smiled and looked around your messy house.

“Can I move these to the truck?” Joel chuckled and pointed at a few boxes that were fully filled.

“Yes. All of these are ready to go.” You pointed to a stack of boxes.

Joel carried the boxes and moved them to his truck. You took a box and followed him. 

“Here.” You passed the box to Joel.

“Hey. Let me do it. Don’t carry heavy stuff.” His tone was so soft. It made you want to hear his voice every second.

“Yes, sir.” 

You went back inside to continue putting your stuff in the boxes. You stared at him as he carried three boxes at once, sweat on his tight black shirt. You were drooling because he looked so sexy in your eyes.

“What are you starin’ at, Miss?” Joel caught you staring at him.

“Nothing.” You tried to hide your smile and grabbed some clothes to put them inside the box.

“I caught you starin’ at me, baby.” Joel put his arms around you from behind and whispered to your ear.

“You got me, Joel. You looked so sexy moving those boxes.” You stroked his forearm on your stomach.

“Uh-huh. Why don’t we take a break then?” Joel kissed your shoulder from your back.

“I think that’s a great idea. I’m starting to get bored anyways.” You smirked as you turned to face him.

You leaned the back of your thigh on the table and put your hands on the table slightly sitting. Joel chuckled and cupped your jaw with his big hands. He rubbed your cheeks with his thumb and kissed you. You smiled as he kissed you. You put your arms around his neck dragging him closer to you. Joel put his hands on your waist and lifted you to the table. You gasped as the sudden movement. 

“Are you gonna do something to me, Joel?” You smirked at him.

“Yes, ma’am. We will have to be quiet in the future since Sarah will be around the house most of the time. So today I’m gonna make you scream as loud as you want to, sugar.” (Reference from that viral tiktok edit by dvcree of Agent Whiskey 🤭)

“Please, Joel.” You begged Joel.

He smirked and kissed your lips roughly like he was hungry enough to eat your lips. You felt one of his hands slowly snaking to your breast under your shirt. He squeezed your bare breast, kneaded it, and you moaned. You pulled your oversized shirt off and now you were sitting on the table almost naked, letting your breast free, only wearing your black lacy panties on. It made Joel drooled over you. His eyes widened as he couldn’t wait to eat you. But you didn’t want him to eat your pussy yet so you pulled him closer to you with force and kissed him tongue to tongue. He understood and continued squeezing your breast and playing with your nipple. The two of you were wild. It felt like you were fucking before the world ended. 

Joel moved his way to your neck, kissing it to leave a mark. You moaned and pulled his hair. He moaned. He stopped to catch his breath and looked at the hickey he gave you. 

“You’re mine.” He smiled, caressing the red mark with his thumb as he was proud of leaving a mark on you. He wanted other men to see it so they knew you were his. 

“I’m yours.” You smiled at him.

After he had his moment admiring you, he looked at you up and down. You couldn’t wait for him to be inside you.

“I need you, Joel.” Your heart was racing and you begged him.

“Not so fast, baby.” 

He smirked and started to kiss you from your shoulder, chest, upper stomach, lower stomach and made his way down slowly. He finally reached the spot where you wanted him to touch you. His eyes looked hungry, pulled your panties hurriedly and threw it away behind him. 

“That’s so sexy, Joel.” You laughed, covering your face with your hands. 

“You liked that? I’m sure you’ll like what I’m gonna do to you now.” He stroked your thighs up and down.

He smirked at you and spread your thigh with force. You gasped at his rough move. His thumb started circling your clit slowly while the other hand rested on your thigh squeezing it. You moaned and buried your face to his fully clothed chest. His circles started to move faster and your breathing was getting shallow.

“Joel!” You screamed, squeezed your eyes and threw your head back.

Joel smirked as he loved seeing you enjoying what he did to you. He started to finger you with his thick fingers. You moaned as he entered you. He moved his fingers in and out with a beat. You moaned and he added another finger in. You squeezed his shoulder as his fingers slid in and out. He kept sliding and curling inside you, hitting your G-spot. You panted and you could see your slick dripping. He pulled his fingers full of your juices, looked at you and sucked them. You shook your head in awe and stroked his head. 

“I want him, Joel.” You put your palm on his bulge that was eager to be free from his pants.

“As you wish, beautiful.” You helped unbuckle his belt and he tugged his pants away. 

You were drooling as you finally saw his big and thick cock free out in the air. That beautiful thing was what you had been waiting for throughout the day. Joel got even harder when he saw your eyes in love with his cock. You pushed all your stuff on the table to make a room for you, making a mess on the floor. He understood your sign and grabbed your shoulder and pushed you to lay on your back on the table. You chuckled and spread your legs to give him a way to your entrance. Joel touched your pussy and stroked his cock with your juices letting a pre-cum out. He groaned and teased your pussy up and down with his tip. You squeezed your thigh and he brushed his tip to your clit. 

“Ready for me to be inside you, baby?” 

You nodded hurriedly and bit your finger. You couldn’t wait for him to be inside you. Joel pushed himself to your entrance slowly. 

“Joel!” You gasped as he was stretching you.

Joel moved slowly and grabbed your other hand that was resting on your thigh. You squeezed your eyes shut and clenched his cock.

“So fucking tight, baby.” Joel hissed.

You couldn’t answer him as your mind was blank, but full of pleasure. You moaned so loud and made sounds that Joel loved.  And you wanted more. 

“I love it when you make that sound for me, baby.” Joel praised you.

Joel raised your leg to his shoulder, pulling you closer and thrusted into you faster and harder. He moved his other hand to caress your breast. He loved pleasing you. Your moans got louder as you felt pleasure running through your veins. Joel groaned and shifted you to your back so you were in a crawling position like a baby on the table. He spread your cheeks and let himself in. You moaned as he squeezed your cheeks.

“Fas-faster, please.” You begged Joel.

Joel nodded and held the back of your neck. He started getting his pace and thrusted into you faster. Then he slapped your ass.

“Fuck!Fuck!Joel!Joel!Joel!” You screamed so loud as you were close to your climax.

“Wait for me, baby.” He kept fucking you hard.

“I can’t hold it, please.” You shiver and begged him.

“Fuck! I’m close.” He panted and his thrusts were losing beat.

“Jooeel!!” You screamed as you reached your orgasm.

Joel hissed as he felt your juices warming his cock. He rested his hands on your back and groaned. He shifted you back on your back. Lifted your leg, bent down and kissed your inner thigh.

“Such a good girl for me.” He leaned in and gave you a kiss.

“You too, Joel.” You smiled and caressed his jaw. 

The two of you sighed and looked around.

“What a mess.” You chuckled.

To be continued...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

#joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller one shot #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller x you #the last of us imagine #the last of us x reader #the last of us x you #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 28

welcome to the twenty-eighth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.  

1. sunflower [re] by xintong

On the morning of their first summer back on Earth, Lance receives a gift of sunflowers. A confession, a rejection, and the passage of time, all leading to the one person who's always been there for him.

this is one of those fics that just kind of remakes a part of you a little. im gonna go with the bookmark i did when i first read it:

screaming and losing my mind bc there were so many fucking moments man. so many. i get jealous too. all the time. anyone that looks at you. still the other half of his wings. i would wait all my lifetimes for you even if you never looked my way. you’re everything. the beginning and end of time. you have wings love. just like an angel. i want to make this good for you. for us. i want it to be good for you too. why. because i dream of you. every night. you’re the devil. who you adore. yes. yes. will you go somewhere with me. anywhere. i never wrote before i met you. you gave me something to write about. they don’t need to say it. i love you i love you i love you. it’s in everything they do.

anyways read this fic.

2. where you go by @taylortot

post s8. keith visits lance when he can, but his work with the blade keeps him out in space for months at a time, and he is tired of leaving lance behind.

okay i know this is yet another rec from me thats rambly and pretentious but soft fics Make me feel that way so here u go. everything about this is the most important thing in the world. as per usual with taylortot. my breath is unsteady and my hands are shaky because they just fucking love each other!!! so much!!!! it’s about the DEVOTION. i’m tired of leaving you. i don’t want to do it anymore. it’s about wanting to be with you. that’s it? that’s it. of course i’ll go with you. i thought you’d never ask. i should have asked before. that was never a choice. (YOU were never a choice). i knew you would come back to me. it’s about the DEVOTION is about the LOVE it’s about the i know you i love you i trust you there’s no one i want but you and you are everything to me. it’s about everything i do for my future i do for our future. it’s about i love you even though words are hard to come by and nothing i could say could ever properly tell you how much you mean to me. GOD

3. a reverence reserved for lovers by @softsatoru [EXPLICIT]

“Hello, my love.” They were far past the point of timidity, and Keith had long since gotten used to the pet names and sappy moments. Hell, Keith had been all about pet names and sappy moments as they were reciting their vows. It was so easy now, just like everything was with them. It had been for years and years, but especially now. This moment, this night, was so easy. It was so right.

Lance grinned and dropped his head back against the pillows with a deep, content sigh. He kept one hand threaded through Keith’s hair and slapped the other over his eyes. The gold band around his ring finger glinted in the low, warm light of their bedroom.

“Ew,” Lance mumbled, trying to contain his smile. “We’re married.” Keith chuckled and pulled himself off his husband. Lance’s hand fell from his hair and dropped down to his bare back. Long, slender fingers pressed into his skin, as if to hold him in place. Keith settled himself above Lance and placed soft kisses on his knuckles and the back of his hand. He gripped Lance’s wrist and tugged it away from his face. Lance’s eyes were clenched shut, and he scrunched up his nose in playful defiance. Keith’s lips fell atop each eyelid, the tip of his nose, and both cheeks.

“Yeah,” Keith agreed. He nosed at Lance’s jaw, dipping down to kiss down his neck. “So gross.” He smirked to himself before licking a wide stripe up the side of Lance’s face.

“Hey!” Lance yelped at him, playfully slapping his back, but he couldn’t help but laugh. “Gross! You’re proving my point.”

i fucking love this fic it 100% lives up to its name. it IS a reverence reserved to lovers and they are. they are so sweet and in love and devoted, man, its just everything. you just want to read it and weep

4. the dark, wide open by @taylortot

Lance flushes clear up to his hairline, the heat of it frying his brain. “Are there any other incorrect observations you wanna make? Or can we go to bed?”

Keith misses nothing, tracking the warmth blooming all over Lance’s face with keen eyes. “None that you’d admit to,” he says in a murmur.

**

Lance and Keith share a bed.

i think ive mentioned the devotion scrapbook before, but i dont know if ive mentioned that like a quarter of all the screenshots i have are taylortot. they kill it with the dialogue every single time, the devotion bleeds through, the words unsaid speak louder than the words. kills me. 

5. this is your holy by littleghost

"He read a book of poems back in high school, and one line always hit him like a sucker punch to the throat. For you, love is like a religion. It’s terrifying. Keith looks at Lance in the pilot’s seat, Lance in the dining room, Lance on the bridge and thinks his love is too big for his body." // Keith falls in love with a boy.

okay i know i recced this before in a random post but i am doing it again. religious imagery always gets to me, and the idea of finding divinity in the mundane and not even finding it but realising that it IS the divine, the bum’s as holy as the seraphim the madman is holy as you my soul are holy! that’s from ginsberg’s footnote to howl btw, which is my favourite poem in the world and exactly what i hear chanted in my as i read it

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

#these are really intense fics like the lot of them #and theyre all so important to me #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #established klance #pining keith #langst #klangst #keith angst #fluff #domestic klance #married klance #fic rec #fic rec friday #longpost

[storytowrite]

hey ml, how are you? 🫶🏻 thought i’d request something if that’s okay?

(i’ve been listening to this song and it gave me a wicked idea)

OT8 skz x 9th Fem!member reader where she argues with the boys and they all ignore her for a while which causes her to get into her head and she starts going a bit crazy? She is filming her solo MV as apart of SKZ-REPLAY and lets all of her crazy/psychotic thoughts out. The boys are told to come into jyp to talk about readers MV (which the boys hadn’t seen yet) and they all sit in shock whilst watching you go on a psychotic breakdown with the most sinister grin on your face?

Hello love ❤️ I really, really like the idea and I will definitely write it. Also I love the song! But please be patience because I have my finals so I’ll probably start writing again after I pass everything.

I’ll tag you anyway.

Kisses 😘

Hello love, As promised I wrote this idea and I hope that you would enjoy reading it. I'm so sorry that you had to wait for such a long time :C but the last week of January when I had my finals was so hard and exhausting that actually I needed to rest from everything. But thankfully I passed everything and now, being on my winter break, I can write more :D.

Anyway, here's the story I really hope you'll like it. Please enjoy and have fun reading it. ❤️

……………………..

Title: Happy Face

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2061

Warnings: swearing, mention of mental breakdown, Lee Know is kinda harsh on Y/N

……………………..

“...And I guess, they’ll never listen, ya know? Because I’m a girl.” Was the last thing you said before smiling creepily into the camera and tilting your head to the side. “But let me tell y'all a secret…” You said whispering. “I don’t need them anymore. Not at all.” You started laughing hysterically. There was something in your voice that made everyone, who was watching your live, shiver. Something’s changed. The switch had been switched and there was no way back. 

……………………..

“Ya! Y/N! Stop acting like a fucking child!” Changbin screamed as you ran before him, trampling over his music sheets. “I’m working, don’t you see?!” 

“I’m sorry Binnie! I’m just late and…” You started to explain yourself. 

“I don’t fucking care!” He scoffed. He didn’t like being interrupted in his work and you knew that. Everybody knew. You sighed heavily. 

“I said I’m sorry…” You said with a pout on your face and just left the room. Living with eight men in a dorm as a ninth member was sometimes hard. Especially before the upcoming comeback, when everyone was busy and stressed out. The season was just hectic. 

You arrived at the practice a little bit late. You entered the practice room, being welcomed by a disappointed view of coldfaced Lee Minho. “You are late.” He said harshly. “Why are you always late?!” His voice raised a little, which made you squirm.

“I’m sorry… I got stuck in traffic and…” You started but he didn’t want to listen. 

“I don’t care, Y/N. You should have left earlier then. We were waiting for you for almost 20 minutes! We don’t have this room reserved for long!” Minho was angry. 

“I’m so…” You started but again was interrupted by someone. 

“Okay, no need to actually fight… let’s start the practice again, all right?” Felix said softly and looked at you with a slight smile. “You remember the routine?” 

“Y-yes, I remember.” You answered. 

“Good.” Said Hyunin and turned on the music. “Let’s begin then.” 

The practice was good, but the tension between you and Lee Know was strong. You couldn’t understand what got into him. You did your best and gave more than 100%. You were a perfectionist so you always tried to be better and better.

Dancing with the danceracha was most of the time fun. But this time you couldn’t enjoy it as much as you would like to. Minho was harsh and pointed out each mistake that you made or at least the mistake that he thought you made. 

You were tired. You didn’t know what actually was happening with your body. You couldn’t stay straight most of the time. Your muscles ached and you felt a little dizzy. Your body didn’t want to cooperate with you at all. 

“Minho, I need a break.” You stopped the routine in the middle, panting heavily. “I really have no strength and my body is…” 

“I don’t care Y/N, you said that you remember everything. Just focus and dance again.” He said, rolling his eyes, creally annoyed. “You need to master these movements.”

“No.” You said looking at him. “I will not dance again now, I need a break. I’m tired.” 

“Let me repeat it, Y/N. No one cares that you are tired. We all are! You are messing up the whole choreography. I’m not going to change the routine again, just because you can't focus.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry that I am tired and my body can’t dance properly.” You rolled your eyes, snapping at him. “Maybe if you weren’t a douchebag you are right now and let me take a break just for ten minutes as you did with Hyunjin and Felix I’ll be in better condition to dance once again. I told you, my body…” 

“Maybe if you practised more you wouldn’t be as tired as you are right now?” He raised an eyebrow. “Instead of spending time gossiping around you should come here and practise often!” 

“First of all I don’t gossip! And second of all it’s none of your business what I do in my fr…” You couldn’t finish the sentence since Hyunjin interrupted you. 

“Y/N, just listen to the hyung. He’s right. You are messing up the choreography. And we are as tired as you are of repeating it all over again . You need to focus.” 

“I am focused! And stop interrupting me!” You raised your voice annoyed that Hyunjin is taking Minho’s side. “You both think that I don’t do anything?! I am trying to be as good as you guys are!” 

“Then try harder!” Minho shouted. “It’s not the first time you are messing something up! You are always messing things up! You think being an idol is supposed to be a light job? It’s not a playground Y/N! We are all tired of you and your constant excuses and being fucking tired. If it’s too much then… ”

“I don’t have any excuses! What the fuck you are talking about Minho?!” You were pissed. “I get that everyone is stressed out because of the comeback but don’t yell at me just because you are ruthless fucking douchebag, who thinks that by being mean…” 

“Call me a douchebag once again and I swear I’ll…” He started but you interrupted him. 

“You’ll do what, hm? Hit me?” You looked at him provocatively and Minho clenched his fits. 

“Okay, Allright.” Someone entered the danceroom. “Calm down everybody. Calm down. What’s all this fuss about?” It was Chan, who looked at you and Minho, seeking the explanation. Behind him the rest of the Stray Kids entered the room and looked at the two of you. “Why are you fighting? Everyone in the building can hear you.” 

“Apparently Y/N is once again tired of actually doing nothing.” Minho said venomously. “She doesn’t want to focus and I had to change the choreography too many times and…”

“Apparently Minho is treating me worse than he treats others.” You said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. “He doesn’t let me take a break while Hyunjin and Felix rested all the time!” 

“Hey! That’s not true!” Felix and Hyunjin said at the same time. 

“Y/N I told you that you are messing the choreography up and…” Minho started once again.

“And I fucking told you that I’m tired, okay?! Why is no one listening? I have no strength recently and…” You interrupted him. You could feel the tears that formed in your eyes, both because you were pissed and just sad. 

“And that’s enough, watch your tongue Y/N.” Chan said firmly, sighing heavily. He didn’t let you finish your sentence. “Y/N, I heard from the boys that the only thing you've been doing recently is complaining. And I actually observed it by myself. If you need a longer break, we can talk with the managers about the hiatus and…” he looked straight into your eyes. 

“But I don’t want to go on a hiatus! What are you even talking about right now? Why is no one listening? You know what? I’m done for today.” You said, feeling like you were going to cry. You literally felt betrayed but all of the boys. “I need some time alone, ya know? I am done with all of you.” You grabbed your belongings and left the practice room, leaving all the eight men behind you. Nobody even tried to stop you. 

……………………..

A few hours have passed. You took a break and spent some alone time outside the building. You had time to rethink and calm yourself down. Maybe they were right at some point, but at the same time they didn’t listen to what you were going to say. It felt like you were just some kind of burden for them or they were annoyed with you with no further reason. 

After a long while you decided to come back to the JYPE building once again. It was really late and you were sure that no one was even there. You went straight into the danceroom, where you were going to practise. In the upcoming comeback, you not only had the performance with the danceracha but also had your solo song and MV as a part of SKZ-REPLAY. And at this point Minho was right. You had to master everything. 

You took off the hoodie you were wearing and put on the music. The routines weren’t that hard as you thought before. After some time of practising you, being content with the results of your hard work, decided to talk to somebody and share your thoughts. You were still upset with the boys so instead of calling them or your manager, you decided to make an Instagram live. The only people that you could rely on right now were your fans. 

“Hello guys, this is Y/N from Stray Kids.” You greeted your fans with a bright smile on your face. “How are ya?” You asked them and started reading some comments. “Am I in the practice room? Yeah, I’ve been mastering the movements for the new comeback… Uhm.. No, no I’m here by myself.” 

The fans started asking you questions about the comeback, the track and the boys and you tried to answer most of them with a big smile on your face. But it didn’t feel real. After a few more questions your smile started to drop. You didn’t want to show your fans emotions you were actually hiding all day, but eventually the bubble just burst. 

“Y/N is everything all right?” You’ve read out loud as the fans started asking you more serious questions. “Actually… no. Nothing is okay, ya know? I’m tired of being in this band. No, I am fucking exhausted! Don’t get me wrong, the guys…” You started and suddenly smirked looking straight into the camera. “Or you know what? Fuck it. Get me all wrong!” You laughed a little. “Maybe if I say what I’ve been trying to say recently, you’ll actually listen. Because believe it or not, there are people who don’t listen.” You let out the little giggle. But it wasn’t a happy giggle. You were trying so hard not to show the emotions that culminated in your body, that now you couldn't even pretend. 

Your fans started to be more concerned about your mental state. The people who were watching you at that moment were just scared. You didn’t act normal. You smiled at the camera, but there was something in your smile that no one could even name. 

“I’m happy! I’m happy! I’m happy today!... Hey! Put on a happy face!” You sang and started laughing. And your laugh was echoing in the empty room. Everyone who was watching your live was scared. But you didn’t care. The comments have stopped. No one dared to say anything. People were just looking at you but they didn’t know what to do.  

……………………..

At the same time that you were having a mental breakdown in front of thousands of people on the Internet, eight men sat in your dormitory, accompanied by managers, and watched you silently. They were either horrified or concerned, or both at the same time. Mixed emotions consumed them.

They were sure that they were the cause of your breakdown. Recently, they haven’t been very understanding. They didn’t want to listen to your silent cry for help. They were too focused on themselves that they didn’t see that you also had been experiencing a hard time. The instant remorse immediately seized them. 

“...And I guess, they’ll never listen, ya know? Because I’m a girl.” Was the last thing you said before smiling creepily into the camera and tilting your head to the side. “But let me tell y'all a secret…” You said whispering. “I don’t need them anymore. Not at all.” You started laughing again, but this time you laughed hysterically. There was something in your voice that made everyone, who was watching your live, shiver. Something’s changed. The switch had been switched and there was no way back. 

It was the only thing you added before you truly switched. They looked at your live with horror in their eyes. 

“Hyung… We have fucked things up. We all did.” It was I.N. who dared to speak, breaking the heavy silence. And those words will stay with them for a really long time. 

@ihrtlix

#stray kids #skz #skz fanfic #skz reaction #stray kids reaction #skz imagines #skz reactions brakdown #skz scenarios #skz story #short story #stray kids short story #stray kids fanfic #stray kids reactions #stray kids angst #stray kids sad story

[ash5monster01]

Truths of Our Past Part 5

Pairing: Older!Charlie Dalton x FemReader

Warnings: 18+, smut, mentions of nudity, mentions of suicide, depression, depressing thoughts, past trauma, facing trauma, romance, understanding, fluff.

Summary: You had met Charlie in University, were married shortly after, and had become accustomed to a beautiful life together. When you receive a wedding invitation to one of Charlie’s previous classmates weddings you discover that Charlie had a dark past, one he had been trying to forget. In the midst of it all you try to help him through it while finding out that he’s not the guy you thought you married at all. Maybe he’s even better.

word count: 2.7k

Part 4 ←→ Part 6

Masterlist

10/7/69

Day 5/8

Getting to know more about Charlie’s past had been wonderful. Obviously he was still reserved about some things but you could tell that confiding in you had been healing for him. Maybe now he could start considering Neil in a happy manor over a sad one. You didn’t want to push it anymore though especially since you all were getting ready for the engagement party tonight. It would be the first time the whole group had been together the whole week during wedding planning. You were actually excited, to dress up and go out with your husband, to just have a good time and not think about all the bad times this place reminded him of.

“How wrong would it be to already start drinking?” you grinned as you joined Chris in her and Knox’s shared room. She giggled as you moved in the room, silk robe fluttering behind you as you popped open a bottle of champagne.

“Not wrong at all, it’s a wedding. It’s what you do” Chris told you and you gave her a confused look.

“You don’t want a drink?” you questioned, probably pouring yourself too large a glass.

“Oh I want to, I just can’t” and then it dawned on you what she had meant. You felt all sorts of emotions rush through you but you quickly settled for the one most appropriate. Excitement.

“Oh my God! Are you serious?” you lunged towards her and she chuckled as you hugged her tightly.

“Yes, and I’m hoping it’s a little girl” she told you and you forced a quick smile on your face, happy but sad all at the same time. Happy because you loved Johnny more than life and you were sure to love this next kiddo just as much, but sad because you so desperately wanted to bring a kiddo of your own into the world.

“A little girl would be wonderful” and you forced a smile even though you were sure it was a little sad. Charlie would love a little girl, you could see the two of them now. He’d be so good to her. Just like he was good to you.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to rub it in. I’d just feel terrible keeping it from you too” she told you softly and you nodded frantically, not wanting her to read too much into your disappointment.

“Oh Chris you’re not rubbing it in. I’m so happy, you have no idea. Just ready for kids of my own too is all” you reassured her and she smiled, pulling you into a hug.

“How about this, you drink for me tonight too. Then you and Charlie can have wild drunk sex and I’ll make Knox sleep with ear plugs” and she had you giggling in an instant and your heart yearned to be near to her. Not just now but all the time. The distance sucked when Chris had become more than just family but your sister.

“I doubt he’d need ear plugs if he hasn’t heard us already” and Chris gasped before scooting closer to you.

“Oh my gosh, tell me everything!” she squealed and you could only laugh before telling her. Gossiping about everything from yesterday morning to the tour of Welton. Girl talk was something that was scarce for you so having this was more than enough.

Soon enough the two of you were ready. Having done each others make up and hair, zipping each other into your dresses, before giggling about your handsome husbands downstairs. They were bound to be awestruck by your appearances and you both couldn’t wait to spend the nights with them. Chris’ mother being a God send keeping Johnny for the night. The four of you shared a car to a local restaurant that had been rented out for the event.

“Y/N Dalton! About time I see you!” Todd said once you were through the door and you were giggling as you accepted a hug from him while saying a soft hello to Ann.

“Todd Anderson, you are handsome as ever. No wonder this beautiful girl said yes” you said and successfully he blushed a deep red, remnants of that shy boy still within him. You were always the best at bringing it out, especially Charlie. Chris always said that was a reason you two were meant to be.

“The others are already at the table waiting for you” Ann said as she accepted you in a hug as well and you couldn’t help but grin as she said this. Your eyes spotted the table, Meeks and Pitts waving cheerfully as you saw them and you giggled instantly.

You let Charlie, Knox, and Chris say their hellos as you rushed over to the two boys. They both stood to greet you and in seconds you were launched into their arms. Hugging them both was slightly awkward due to the height difference but you were so happy to see them all at the same time. “You boys! So handsome. No way you both are single”

“You’re too sweet Y/N” Meeks said, his eyes dropping and ears turning the same shade as his hair. You giggled at his reaction and Pitts could only smile at you.

“I’m happy to announce there is a girl. Kathy. I’m hoping she’s the one” and you were instantly awing at the sweet boy.

“She must be Pittsie. You’re too charming to leave behind” and now he was blushing too.

“See you boys have both managed to steal my wife already” Charlie said as he approached, his hand landing on the small of your back as he greeted them both with a handshake.

“We can’t help it Nuwanda. She flirts with us and we just fold” Meeks countered and Charlie raised his eyebrows at you to which you just shrugged.

“They both owe me a dance, that’s all I have to say” and Charlie was laughing while helping you into your chair at the table. Todd and Ann had left the door in favor for a small table at the head of the room, the two of them whispering and smiling wide as they looked at their guests. You noticed the wedding party had been split up by poets and family and friends. The table opposite of you holding Jeff Anderson, his wife Rachel, Maggie, and both Todd and Ann’s parents. That was when you realized the seventh chair at your table hadn’t yet been filled.

“They look so happy” Chris commented dreamily and your hand shook lightly as you moved to look at the name tag above the empty seat beside you.

Neil Perry

You could’ve sworn you were gonna throw up as you saw it. You tried to lean away, not bring attention to it, but you had been caught and you were also now white as a ghost. You didn’t know how Charlie could handle this. It was a sweet gesture but it was also a reminder. A reminder during the ten year anniversary of his death in the town of his death and Charlie was extremely fragile over it. “We waiting on someone else”

“Uh, no. Not exactly” you stuttered out and Charlie’s eyebrows drew together as he spotted your nervous facade. It wasn’t often you were uneasy. You were more put together than him usually.

“Who is it?” he asked you and when you finally locked your eyes with his you figured he knew. Chris leaned across to grab the name tag you had just abandoned and realization covered her and Knox’s face.

“It’s Neil” Knox whispered and Charlie’s stomach dropped at the confirmation of this fact. The table all experienced different emotions as they all glanced at each other to see how everyone else was feeling.

“I’m gonna get a drink” Charlie forced out, his voice clipped and eyes avoiding everyone else’s. You watched as he stood, his hand buttoning his blazer back together and before you could offer to come Knox was standing too.

“I’ll come with, boys care to join us?” he asked the other two Dead Poets and they nodded before all standing and following each other to the bar.

“I didn’t realize” Chris said as she put the name tag back down, her hand shaking lightly.

“It’s okay, no way we could’ve avoided it all night” you told her and she desperately wanted to scoot into the chair beside you but she couldn’t. It was Neil’s seat, and no matter what after world was out there she had a strong feeling he was sitting in it. He was there with his wide smile and dazzling eyes, lovingly watching his friends grow and grow their families.

“He’s here you know, whether his spirit actually is or the presence of him the boys carry around. I often wonder if he would’ve liked me” Chris told you and you smiled with teary eyes as you looked at the seat. Chuckling you retrieved the bottle of champagne you had smuggled in your purse and poured some in the empty glass in front of Neil’s seat.

“For Neil, you can have Chris’ drink cause she went and got knocked up again” you said to what you hoped was some version of him sitting beside you both. You hoped he would’ve liked you too, that you could’ve formed some alliance with him like you did with all of Charlie’s friends.

“I’d drink to that if I could” Chris said as she grabbed her glass of water and you filled your own empty glass. The two of you reached to clink it with the glass sitting in front of his seat before sharing a smile and drinking together.

“Alright, drinks on me” Knox said to Charlie, patting his back softly as he still shifted nervously. He was trying his best not to cry.

“It’s open bar Knoxious” he tried to say teasingly but all the boys could hear the uneasiness of his voice.

“Alright, here’s the deal Dalton. You’re gonna drink the whiskey I order you and then tell your feelings to the class. That’s how we’re doing things from now on” and Charlie chuckled, it sounding strangled due to holding back so many emotions. Meeks and Pitts finally caught on that Charlie was much worse than them when it came to grieving Neil.

“Better be a strong glass” Charlie told him and Knox smiled as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders, holding him like a brother would while he ordered drinks for all four of them.

“Okay, fess up” Knox said once Charlie had a good few sips in him and he relished in the calming feeling of the alcohol before looking at Knox.

“I’m not so good at the feelings thing” Charlie said and Knox sighed as he leaned against the bar.

“Just tell us Charlie, it really hurts to know you kept how much you were struggling from us” Meeks seriously said and Charlie realized he finally had to confide in his friends. He figured he might’ve sooner if he hadn’t been so quickly ripped away from them. So ten years later was as better time as any.

“I miss him. It hurts like it still just happened yesterday. That seat, it being set aside for him, makes me feel like he will walk through that door at any moment and then remembering all over again that he won’t kills me” Charlie admitted, not looking at anyone in particular before slugging back a sip of his drink.

“I don’t think Todd meant it in any way to be painful” Pitts said, large hand falling on his shoulder and Charlie nodded.

“I know, but I never got over it. So doing things in remembrance of him breaks me. I got to leave, I could pretend he was still alive and back at Welton with you guys. The rest of you faced the truth and we’re able to get used to it, are able to look at that seat and feel love” Charlie said and Meeks quietly sniffled.

“When I realized it was for him I got scared. I’m still so scared that life can hurt us as badly as it did Neil” he admitted and Charlie realized each of them were still grieving over Neil in their own ways.

“I got excited. I forgot for a moment. I thought he was going to come join us and I was excited” Knox said, tears burning at the back of his eyes.

“He did join us. He is always with us. I know it” Pitts told Knox and Knox smiled gratefully at him.

“If he is, Y/N definitely has him drunk by now” Meeks said and they rest of the boys glanced to see sure enough Mrs. Dalton had a smuggled bottle of champagne that she was generously pouring into her and Neil’s glasses.

“They would’ve been good together” Charlie said, trying to picture his oldest friend beside his wife. His most favorite person in the world with his other most favorite person in the world.

“Of course they would, because she is Neil” Knox said with a chuckle and Charlie gave him a confused look.

“What do you mean?” he asked and Knox gave him a dumbfounded look, shocked he hadn’t noticed.

“You wife is exactly like Neil. Energetic, strong, caring, hopeful. The first time we all met her we realized the only reason you fell for her was because she reminded you of Neil” and Charlie thought for a moment. Tried to remember the first time they met, when she sat next to him on that bus even though they had been moving already and he was deep into a book. He vaguely remembered thinking Neil would have no issue interrupting someone like this when he was curious enough to meet them.

Then all at once he realized why he had fallen so quickly, why he hadn’t shared most of his trauma with you. It was because you comforted the part of him that would always long for his best friend. He had found someone else that was so in love with the world and that thought made him smile. You hadn’t replaced Neil, no one ever could, but in a sense he realized he met you for a reason. Maybe it was coincidental, fate, or Neil looking out for his best friend, but he found you when he needed you most.

“Why didn’t any of you say anything before?” Charlie curiously asked and the boys just shrugged.

“We didn’t want to get into your head, in a way it was kind of nice spending time with someone that reminded us of all the good parts Neil was” Meeks told him and now you were looking at the boys, giving them a curious glance as to why they all stared at you and Charlie could only smile back.

“I guess you’re right, she makes me better. Just like Neil did” and for the first time in ten years it didn’t hurt as much to refer to Neil in the past tense. Maybe if was talking his feelings out, maybe if was realizing how much he saw Neil in you, or maybe it was just the extremely strong drink in his hand. Either way he was glad this week had done so much for him, so much for the both of you.

“We better join them, Mrs Dalton looks like she’s already moving onto her third drink and she hasn’t even hit the open bar yet” Pitts chuckled and Charlie just smiled, happy that even though this wasn’t what he imagined his future being like, at least they were all still together. Neil included. He had a seat at the table after all.

“Let her, she deserves to enjoy herself” Charlie told him and the boys went back to the table. Happily greeted by the girls who had missed them even if they were only gone about twenty minutes.

“Everything okay?” you whispered to Charlie once he was by your side, alcohol heavy on your breath. He gave you a genuine smile, something he was extremely proud to do.

“Everything is perfect” he told you and you smiled wide before pressing a kiss to his lips and then turning to the table.

“Who wants champagne?!”

#charlie dalton x reader #charlie dalton fanfic #charlie dalton dps #charlie dalton series #charlie dalton x femreader #charlie dalton #charlie dalton smut #charlie dalton imagine #charlie dps #gale hansen #dead poets fandom #dead poets society imagines #dead poets society #dead poet society #dead poets aesthetic #dead poets in nyc #dead poets au #dead poets fanfic #dps au #dps imagine #dps headcanons #dps boys #dps fanfiction #dps hcs #dps fic #dps fandom #dps edit #neil perry #todd anderson #knox overstreet

[jazzythursday]

8, 19, 43, anddd 58 for the SOC asks ❤️

I don’t know how this got so long but be prepared for very waffle-y answers (hehe)

8. What crow do you think you are the most like?

Ahhh, I have never felt so decisive in my life as I do about this question. I think I took one look at Wylan Van Eck and immediately started projecting. (That usually happens with most awkward/anxious/nerdy/artist characters, but especially Wylan.

First things that come to mind: he’s both worryingly chill about some things and simultaneously an anxious mess, he can be sassy but also very reserved most of the time… Thinking about it now I really relate to how contradictory a lot of his traits/thoughts/actions can be.

Also low key the way he went his whole life with no name or explanations for his disabilities and grew up without anyone to tell him that it wasn’t because he wasn’t trying hard enough hits maybe a lil too close to home 😅😅😅

19. Who was the most compelling antagonistic character to you?

Hmm 🤔… this is hard because Leigh’s antagonists are all really interesting!

That being said, there’s SOOOO much about Dunyasha that gets me! Especially about her being Inej’s “shadow”. Since Inej is the Wraith and a lot of her skills already lie in being unseen/quiet/blending into the shadows…then what does her shadow look like? Like if the the question is what is the shadow of a shadow, then the answer we get is apparently this crazy, blond, self-righteous mercenary dressed in all shining white clothing calling herself the white blade and talking about being on a mission from god basically. All the ways she’s written to be Inej’s opposite are just… *screams incoherently*

Just… ahhh. It’s the symmetry, ya know?

(I’m forgetting details but I think also her background is super interesting. Very cult-y and ominous. 100/10. I don’t know if they ever get brought up again but I’d love for whatever group she came from to get used in a later plot as a Big Bad)

43. Do you have a favorite minor/background character?

I haven’t read the books where David and Genya feature as more prominent characters, but I love them. They’re…so in love? In the sweetest and most heartbreaking way?

Outside of the Crows they’re definitely my favourite ship and I’m still so sad we’ll never get to see David meet Wylan and Jesper because they would have SO much to talk about! I need Wylan and David nerding out about chemistry and blueprints and talking to Jesper about Durast stuff.

Side note: I love the way Luke plays David and all the mannerisms and quirks he used (him waving at Alina while handcuffed in a plank of wood makes me giggle every time) and I don’t know what it is but “Keiragan cut off Baghra’s finger!!!” — “We need to leave!!!” Makes me laugh so hard. Maybe because their freak out is the most realistic reaction to the Darkling lmao. No messing around just “this guy is crazy! I think we should run away! Yes?!”

58. Share your thoughts on (insert character/ship/plot point/etc)

Oh do I pick? Oh god, my ultimate nemesis: making decisions…

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’ll probably always gravitate more towards the show characters, but that the books do a great job of showing us the different cultures and nuances of the Barrel and (while I hope they’d get more into that in the crows spinoff 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻) I think it’s one of the things that I miss the most watching the show vs reading. The Komedie Brute, the crow and cup tattoo, the Barrel flash vs Mercher clothing, the Dregs, Ghezen and trade being sacred in Kerch… there’s just a lot of symbolism there that I wish we could have seen. The canals also aren’t mentioned at all? And maybe that’s me being nit-picky but they seem like a really big part of Ketterdam in the books and I think it would have been cool to see how it impacts traveling in the city and how they plan around it.

Thanks for the questions! 💖

#shadow and bone #wesper #Wylan van Eck #six of crows #ask games #grishaverse

[redheadjustin]

Hey I want to know if you can do a head Cannon for Sam Uley saving and imprinting a demigod son of Jupiter

WARNING!!!! this contains a lot of cussing and coarse language. this is becase i wrote this in a sad and angry mood. so anyone under 13 should not read this. 

Oh, how you hated your life and how the fates had shaped it. You were born Y/N Y/L/N in California. You knew from a very young age you were the son of Jupiter, the king of the Roman gods, God of Honor, Justice and Lightning and Lord of the Sky. It pained you that while he loved you and spoke to you as you grew up he wasn’t around much. But, you did see your Godly siblings more often and they expressed how much they thought you should grow up with them, yes even Diana.

Your father had a one night stand with your mother just as she started college. Your mother was a child of Athena and passed her smarts on to you. Your mother heavily abused you growing up. You see, Jupiter had been spending most of his spare time as a mortal and was your mother’s best friend. She never knew your father was Zeus’ other half until later. They both got drunk and well, it doesn't take the Goddess of wisdom to figure out what happened.

When your mother told Jupiter about the pregnancy he came clean and well, it wasn’t pretty. He didn’t know Your mother was the demiGod child of Minerva’s Greek counterpart exactly but did suspect she was a demiGod. He just didn’t know which pantheon your mother was descended from.

Minerva and Athena weren’t pleased. Minerva wasn’t pleased because Jupiter had put her in conflict with Athena. And Athena Was pissed that A ROMAN GOD had dared to have sex with a GREEK demigod and more importantly HER daughter.

So, while your mother wanted to have an abortion, she  couldn’t as you were the child of the king of the Roman gods and well, she didn’t want to spend her afterlife in the felids of punishment. So, while she wasn’t told to carry you to term she knew that it was in her best interest and carry you she did.

You were a very quiet baby. You hardly ever cried. But, your mother hated You because of who your father was. You had his electric blue eyes and his curly hair and your face was just Jupiter’s but on a younger body. You were a very compassionate child. You were known around the neighborhood as the kid to go to if they needed a shoulder to cry on. Yet another thing your mother hated about you.

The abuse didn’t start till you were seven. It was…hard for your mother to resume her schooling after your birth. Your father made sure your mom had MORE than enough money to live at Camp Jupiter and to spoil you rotten. But as you grew up she was more and more reminded of how your father USED to be her best friend and pretended to be human and it drove her insane. You were Truly your fathers son and She heavily resented how her life had turned out.

On your seventh birthday your mom had enough and snapped. It was after dinner and you accidentally shot lighting. Your mom went ballistic. By the time it was over you were a bloody mess and too tired to pray to your father or godly siblings for help. And it only got worse as the years went one.

It was when you were seventeen Jupiter found out about your mother’s treatment of you. To say he was pissed would be an understatement.  He flashed in and stopped yet another beating and you cried tears of joy. But, your father knew a place where you’ll find love and happiness and you’d be the company of other supernatural creatures.

“My child, I’m sorry for not noticing sooner. I’ll take care of your mother and I know a place for you to go to heal my Child.” Your father said with a sadness you were unused to hearing in a God’s voice. Your father went on to tell you about Forks, Washington. And more specifically the Reservation.

So that’s how you found yourself moving into one of the nicer houses on the Quileute reservation with help from Mercury. You smiled as Your older, Godly brother set the last thing in your bedroom as he also helped unpack. “There you go little brother! Take care of yourself, Yeah?” The messenger God said with a fond smile ruffling your hair before leaving. While you didn’t want to keep your brother away from his Godly duties, you were exceptionally lonely. What you didn’t know was soon you’d find your mate and he would catch you up on seventeen years of love.

It was during a walk through the woods when you met a giant black wolf. You smiled as you knew about the shifter packs of the world and were told of a pack of wolf shifters in Forks by your father as he dropped you off. You wanted nothing to do with the supernatural world. You would TRY to stay away from the wolfpack and you sure as Hades were gonna stay away from the vampires. But, the fucking fates would not LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE. You were starting to know how Percey felt.

When your eyes met you knew. You knew that your mate was the black wolf. Were you shocked? Yes. Did it bother you? No. Why would it? You were the son of the King of the Roman Gods and were trained from the moment you were able to stand to kill monsters that the entire world thought were myths for Zeus’ Sake!!

The Love you felt for Sam was instant. You saw yourself with him for the rest of your life. You even saw yourself turning down the opportunity to become a God unless Sam and his pack were offered immortality. You have been around Apollo enough to know that these were possible futures. But, you didn’t care.

The pack strangely Looked at you as more of a little brother than their Alpha’s mate. Which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. They are hugely protective of you and will destroy anyone that even looks like they would harm you. Eventually they understand that while they can protect you, you were raised to fight the supernatural and your scent will draw monsters to you and it’s your job to kill them. They don’t seem happy about it but eventually they get it.

Sam on the other hand wants to storm Olympus and give Jupiter a piece of his mind. And ask your uncle Pluto to allow the pack to have some alone time with your mother. He will literally fight an entire army of Titans alone for you.

The most the two of you will do for the first two years of your relationship is cuddle and kiss. You're seventeen when you met the twenty year old Sam. And sam is nothing but a gentleman unlike some others in the pack ( *cough* Paul- man whore- Lahote *cough*) and would never force you into anything ( *cough* Jacob- someone get this boy a hug and tell him he’s good enough- Black*).

Sam is outright murderous when the elders force you to enroll into Forks High School. He Doesn't want you ANYWHERE the Cullens. “Sam, I’ve fought the Goddamn minotaur. I can handle some vampires who are on a vegetarian diet.” your voice is borderline indignant by the time you're done. It wasn't that you thought that Sam was being ridiculous. You just weren’t used to people caring about your safety. The glare that Sam sent you caused a smirk to pop on your face.

Your first day of school in Forks was…fucking intresting. Sam made you go with more than enough firepower to destroy the Cullens ten times over. You thought he was being insane and anael about it. But, well his alpha voice doesn’t work on just the wolves. He told you about all the Cullens gifts and you nearly passed out when you learned about Edward’s ability to read minds. Jacob was quick to defend his imprint and tell you he had absolutely no control over what he heard. You felt sympathy towards the immortal teenager as it was the same way with your lightning when you were younger. You and Sam gave permission for Jacob to tell Edward about your past and lineage as to not give him a heart attack or the vampire equivalent of one.

As it turned out you had most of your classes with Edward. The bronze haired vampire took to you like a duck to water. He felt you were a kindred spirit and knew most of his struggles. You struggle to let your mate love you. You have self hate issues and your family is…volatile.

The cullens are the only vampires you like. Well, it’s more like begrudging respect for Bella. You eventually tell The Cullens of the only other experience of vampires you had. It was your first quest and you were sent with your two best friends. Your mission was to assess if the vampire conley that had been established near New Rome was dangerous. It was supposed to be a diplomatic mission. Or it was until two newborn vampires had a bad reaction to your friend's demiGod blood. It became a battle. For some reason your grief over seeing your friends die in front of you sent the vampires feral. You still had the scars. You used your powers and killed ALL the vampires with your lighting. That’s why you hated Vampires except the Cullens. Sam knew that’s why he nearly had an aneurysm over the elder forcing you to go to Forks high.

Your life was looking up. You had Sam, the Pack and Cullens to help you heal. Plus, the occasional visit from your Godly family helped too. You were told of Victoria but stayed out of it at Sam’s begging. He knew you were capable but he believed you were in no condition mentaly to be involved in what was quickly becoming a war. You mostly agreed to that line of thinking. You weren’t in the state of mind to fight a GODLY war. But this wasn’t a Godly war. This was a vampire war and you would stay out of it until someone forced your hand.

and , Oh Boy! Force your hand they did. It was after Harry Clearwater died. You hated that Leah was a part of the pack now as she believed that Sam chose you over her. But, it broke your heart when Seth joined. He was the youngest but he still felt like an older brother. Unlike others in the pack, Seth and Leah had the perfect childhood. Loving parents, good food, a roof, a mother who cared and a father who knew what it was to be a shifter but also put his family first. Their childhood was everything yours wasn’t and you were pissed.

You were sitting at the beach. You were angry. Not at Sam, the pack, the Cullens or your Godly family. No, you were pissed at the fates and Victoria. You were pissed at the fates as they forced another child to become a soldier and grow up far sooner than he needed to. You were pissed at Victoria because she was being petty. She was after Bella because her mate was killed for going after Bella before she was a vampire and still with Edward. You thought you were done with petty nonsense when you moved here. That you didn’t have to watch those you deserve better suffer any more. But you were worng and it Pissed you the Hell off. You didn’t hear the footsteps behind you until you felt a presence behind you. You knew who it was and as your eyes darkened storm clouds gathered.

“I thought by Killing the old man would get the mutts to back off. Maybe killing the alpha’s mate will, hm?” Victoria asked with a condescending tone. You stood up as the clouds started to charge with electricity. “You are fucking with the wrong pack you redheaded bitch. You are messing with the son of the king of the Roman Gods. and you have pissed me the fuck off. So, since you think Harry’s death was a warning. I’ll give you one.” Your eyes started shining with white specs of lighting. Lightning struck the ocean behind you. Victoria’s red eyes widened with fear as you made lightning strike right in front of her. After that, she dashed away. You were in the game now, no matter what Sam said.

Sam was not pleased but allowed you to join the battle. You waited in the clearing with your full Roman battle armor on and your sword waiting. As the army of Newborn vampires rushed to you, the wolves and the Cullens you stood in the eye of the storm as you saw a clear path to victoria. You placed a kiss on Sam’s forehead before he and the pack, minus Seth rushed to meet the newborns in the battle.

As you stalked to Victoria you sent lightning to random newborns to help your family. As Victoria saw you aprching true, unadulterated fear shone in her eyes. You smirked as the red haired vampire rushed to you. You took your sword and chopped her right arm off. You smirked at her scream.

“H-how? O-only other V-v-vampires can-” You enjoyed her stuttering and fear but you wanted to end the battle fast and fall asleep in Sam’s arms. “I told you that you were messing with the son of the king of the Roman Gods’ son’s family. But, you pressed the issue and pissed me off and now you get to see what happens when you mess with Y/N Y/l/N son of Jupiter.” and with that you chopped her head off thus ending the four hundred and seventy something year life of the red haired bitch.

Later that night you lay in bed in Sam’s arms. Sam was playing with your curly hair and you loved it. “...thank you Y/N. For helping us end this mess.” Your smile resembled Apollo’s at that moment. “No problem, love. I ,uh, got a note from my dad today. He wants to invite the pack to dinner on olympus.” You said with hesitation. You just wanted to be left alone but Sam had mentioned that he wanted to meet the Godly side of your family. And it was hard to say no to Sam. “Good.  Just tell me when my darling boy and we’ll all go. And Y/N? You're not fighting another battle. I’ll fight them for you.” You smiled as the alpha wolf kissed your forehead. When you first came to Forks you didn’t believe you deserve a mate but now, you wondered how you ever thought otherwise. Because you and Sam were perfect.

#x male #male!reader #male reader #male reader insert #x male! reader #x male reader #twilight x male reader #twilight x male! reader

[sasaranomiya]

Koukyuu no Karasu Volume 3 Chapter 4 - The Twilight Orb (Part 3)

And that’s the end of Volume 3!! The story is only getting started.... Thanks for following along!

The author is coming out with a new book set in the same world called Wadatsumi no Musume next month and I can’t wait to read it!! I’ll translate the world map later and post it

There’s also an interview the author did during book 3′s release and I’ll translate it soon

Here’s my Ko-fi if anyone is feeling generous.

Until next time!

Translation Notes

1. I couldn’t think of an alternative that captures the meaning of dim sum so I’m sorry if anyone got taken out of the novel

Previous || Index || Next

“I heard that Saname Chouyou cut off his uncle’s head himself.”

Koushun nodded at Meiin’s words.

“It’s difficult to cut off a person’s head with a single sword stroke. Chouyou is a man of great skill, isn’t he.”

Meiin made a face that said, That’s not the point here, and Koushun smiled faintly.

“It seems that they had quite a lot of trouble with him for many years. The fact that he was family meant that they had even more trouble dealing with him.”

“I heard that he was an elder. Even though Chouyou is the head of the family, his uncle was older than him, and he would have been reserved when it came to him. If he treated him with disrespect, the whole family might condemn him, since the Sanames respect their elderly more than anything else. Well, the uncle was a thorn in their side, so to speak.”

Koushun gazed at the lotus pond and narrowed his eyes. It was raining lightly. Amidst the foggy scenery, white lotuses dimly emerged out of the fog like stars.

“…That thorn is no more.”

“Yes, he isn’t.”

“He has taken a very aggressive approach, marching into his uncle’s mansion and beheading him without waiting for the province’s ruling.”

“Yes.”

Chouyou’s uncle made contact with Un Eitoku and tried to get him to put pressure on Chouyou so that he could be reinstated as the administrator of his former domain. In the event that he returned to his position, he promised Eitoku that he would under-report the profits from the domain and give them to him as a bribe. In addition, he had been lining his own pockets by mismanaging the taxes he was supposed to pay to the imperial court when he was serving as the domain administrator, and he had poisoned the deputy inspector, Reiko Shiki, who had been investigating his personal affairs. The death penalty would have been appropriate for his deeds.

“Including the amount of money he embezzled, the Saname would have been responsible for paying that vast sum…but even so, it was in Chouyou’s best interest to get rid of his uncle.”

Koushun murmured, and Meiin glanced at him.

“He was able to get rid of his uncle under the pretext of ‘for the sake of the Saname.’ His uncle, disgruntled with being put under house arrest, criticized Chouyou considerably and became obsessed with ‘Saname’s earnest wish.’”

This information came from the reports from Shiki and the spies sent to Ga Province.

“Saname’s earnest wish?”

“Returning to Kakami and becoming its rulers, apparently.”

Meiin looked amazed. “Abandoning the fertile lands of Ga Province and setting out on rough seas to a place you don’t even know if you can reach safely? How many of their ships will be wrecked? It would be one thing if it’s Ikahi Island.”

“Even so, they must have some kind of longing for returning to their homeland. Chouyou’s uncle preached the dream to the younger members of the Saname clan, and apparently gained some support.”

“Innocent young people are easily influenced. It’s so beautiful that it’s more like a dream than an actual dream.”

“I guess they couldn’t overlook that. Doing something that would mislead the young is an unpardonable offense.”

Koushun thought that this was what Chouyou was most worried about. However, punishing his uncle without prudence would invite backlash from the young people. It would be logical if, after getting the imperial court involved, the person who caused the disturbance compensated with their own life in order to “reduce the damage to the Saname clan.”

“So…he basically used his uncle indiscretions?”

“It would have been easy for Chouyou to stop him before he made contact with Eitoku.”

Chouyou’s uncle put the noose around his own neck. He was trying to outwit Chouyou, which was exactly what Chouyou wanted him to do.

“I don’t like it,” A furrow appeared between Meiin’s eyebrows. “Isn’t this also akin to using Secretariat Un as a pawn?”

“He expected that Eitoku wouldn’t take his uncle’s offer no matter how much he was offered in return, but…”

It must be complicated for Eitoku as well. It meant that he was taken advantage of in anticipation of him refusing to take bribes and ability to pay attention to past wrongdoings.

“He had a bitter look on his face,” Meiin smiled wryly. “Even though he knew he was being used, he couldn’t help but investigate them. Yes, he was very complimentary of Shiki’s usefulness, which was rare for him.”

“Is that so. I’m glad,” Koushun’s answer was short. He thought that Eitoku would like Shiki. Eitoku liked young people who were brilliant but had no backers.

“I’m surprised that you decided to send Shiki, Your Majesty. I introduced him to you, but he has only been here for a short time.”

“That’s because…he’s a greedy person.”

“Greedy?”

“When I was the deposed crown prince, I was keenly aware of my lack of power. He also knows that he can’t do anything without power. He’s different from people from distinguished families who have it from the beginning and don’t even realize they have it. I thought that Shiki wouldn’t miss the chance to get close to Eitoku and have him acknowledge him. Even if he was in communication with the Sanames, he would join us even if meant reneging on that.”

Meiin’s eyes widened, and he didn’t say a word. After some time, he came back to himself and cleared his throat.

“…Do you not trust Shiki?”

“I trust him in a sense. Trusting someone doesn’t mean placing unreasonable, self-centred expectations on them. It’s about seeing the person you’re dealing with for who they are.”

He had to look at people honestly and properly, without bending them to suit his own convenience. That was what he believed.

In that sense, Koushun also trusted Chouyou. He wasn’t a man who would do something so foolish. And—he still couldn’t tell what his true goal was.

They must continue to focus their attention on the Sanames.

“You’ve truly matured a lot, Your Majesty. I’m sure that’s why Secretariat Un has made up his mind to retire.”

After the Saname affair was settled for the time being, Eitoku asked to retire.

“No, it’s not so much about me, but rather, I think he was frustrated.”

“About what, Your Majesty?”

“The fact that he was seen by Chouyou’s uncle as someone who could be bribed—a weak spot in the imperial court. It must have been unbearable for Eitoku to be seen as such by others.”

Koushun would give the title of Grand Minister of the Department of State Affairs to Eitoku, not retirement. This was an honorary position with high rank but no real authority.

“As the leader of a distinguished family, he will not be lost for some time to come. In the meantime, I want you and Gyoutoku to do your best.”

“I will do my best with all my heart and soul,” Meiin bowed with his hands locked in front of his chest. He was newly appointed to the position of Chancellor, and Un Gyoutoku was to be appointed to the position of Chief Minister of the Chancellery from his old position of assistant minister of the Ministry of Rites. Earlier, Koushun had met with Gyoutoku and discussed this.

“It seems that Eitoku is unsatisfied with Gyoutoku’s mildness, but I think it’s a quality that’s difficult to find in a person. The two of you together would be just the right balance.”

“Because I lack warmth, after all,” a smile appeared on his intelligent face. He then turned his gaze to the lotus pond. “Ah, the rain has stopped.”

The clouds in the sky cleared before they knew it, and the damp lotus buds were sparkling. Squinting his eyes at the glare, Koushun thought, I have to go see Jusetsu. He promised her that he would visit her again.

There were things he wanted to talk about with her.

Jusetsu was invited to Hakkaku Palace by Banka. Banka had completely recovered, and her complexion looked well. She was treated to dim sum as thanks. (1)

“Those gifts came from my great-uncle. It seemed that Hakurai smuggled the bracelet in there. I didn’t expect it to be so horrifying. If you hadn’t saved me, I would have died.”

Thank you very much, Banka thanked her.

“No…that curse was originally meant for me, after all.”

“I’m glad it was me instead of you. After all, if you have been the one to collapse, no one would have been able to help you.”

The fever must have been painful, but Banka didn’t even voice any resentment towards her.

“My great-uncle was cheerful, generous, and pleasant. I wonder how he ended up like this…”

Banka’s great-uncle, in other words Chouyou’s uncle, was beheaded. Jusetsu heard that there had been some kind of wrongdoing involving his domain. The source of this information was Tan Kai.

“Hakurai has been banished from Ga Province, and the Eight Truths has been dissolved. I didn’t like either of them, so I’m relieved.”

Banka popped a baked rice cake with dried apricots into her mouth. She seemed to like apricots.

“You said that Hakurai was cozying up to your father…”

Jusetsu remembered that she had said something like that when she was delirious with fever. When she reminded her of this, Banka tilted her head to the side.

“Did I say that? When I had the fever? I don’t remember that. Hakurai curried favor with my great-uncle. My great-uncle has bad knees, and he told me that he got better after receiving Hakurai’s prayers. I wonder if such a thing can really happen. I think he was tricked. I’m sure everything that happened this time was instigated by Hakurai as well.”

Banka frowned in displeasure. She seemed to despise Hakurai quite a lot.

“…What kind of man is Hakurai?”

“How? He’s about the same age as my father. I think he’s in his forties. He has a lot of gray hair for his age, and he doesn’t wear his hair in a topknot. He has a strange hairstyle. He has cold, creepy eyes. I don’t think Hakurai is his real name. I wonder where he came from.”

Jusetsu asked her if he had any connections with her, but there was no way to know for sure.

“I think the people of the Saname house would know more. Do you want to know?”

Jusetsu nodded. “If possible.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble for me. I’ll write a letter back home. –Hey, may I call you ‘Jusetsu’?”

Jusetsu was a little perplexed, but answered, “You may.” A smile broke out on Banka’s face.

“Oh, I’m so happy. You can call me ‘Banka’ as well.”

She felt like she had a similar exchange with Kajou. She had asked her if she could call her “Ah-mei,” and that Jusetsu should call her “Ah-jie.”

When she first met Banka, she thought that she was a hard-to-read princess, but now she saw her as a bright and carefree girl. However, Banka would sometimes stop talking and lower her head. It seemed that she wasn’t entirely carefree. Was she thinking about the girl who died due to the Saname curse?

Even when she was leaving Hakkaku Palace, Banka suddenly lost her smile and stared at Jusetsu’s face for a short while.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked her, but Banka just shook her head and smiled weakly.

After seeing Jusetsu off, Banka returned to her room and asked her attendants to leave. She placed a piece of paper on her table, and then prepared an inkstone and brush. She had to write a letter to her father. Banka often received gifts from back home, and each time she wrote a thank-you letter to her father, including information under the pretext of telling him about her current situation. This was her “role.”

There were a lot of things to write this time.

About the curse. About how that caused her to break out in fever. About how Jusetsu saved her. She assumed that the attendants would probably report on this as well—.

Banka didn’t pick up her brush and simply stared at the pale blue hemp paper scattered with gold leaf.

She knew at a glance that the bracelet was no ordinary gift. It wasn’t something that matched her great-uncle’s or her own taste. It was an ugly toad’s bracelet. She hadn’t known it was cursed, but she had a hunch that there was something wrong with it. Even so, she hesitated for a while over whether or not she should give it to Jusetsu. Was that what her father intended?

However, Banka didn’t give it to her. She didn’t want something bad to happen to her.

Would her father be angry at her? What if it was sent here on his instructions?

Banka’s shoulders slumped. She didn’t want to be scolded by her father. She didn’t want to feel discouraged. Even more than that, she didn’t want to be abandoned as a useless daughter.

But Jusetsu was an innocent girl. Just like Shouzen. She couldn’t bear to see her suffer or worse. She never wanted to be involved in the death of an innocent girl ever again.

Even now, she felt like Shouzen was watching her from the side. She felt like she was calling her a coward. A coward who abandoned and killed her beloved sister in order to save herself—.

Banka covered her ears with her hands.

Father, what should I do?

The face of her father appeared in her mind. A face that was strict and didn’t tolerate clinging to others or crying. His cold face when he told her to choose between her own life or Shouzen’s.

However, it was precisely because of that strictness that her father was respected and adored by the people of their clan and land. Even Banka respected him. That was why she didn’t want to be disdained or made despondent.

Banka picked up the brush. She wrote about the recent situation, including the curse. And then, she put the brush down.

Should she let her father know about that?

Banka once put a gardenia in Jusetsu’s hair. That was when she discovered it: Jusetsu dyed her hair. Her original hair color seemed to be white or silver. She had no idea until then.

Was this something she should let her father know? Or was it something trivial that she shouldn’t even bother with?

However, it surely has to be a secret Jusetsu wanted to hide. That’s why she dyed her hair. She kept that a secret. If that’s the case—

It wasn’t a trivial matter at all.

Banka picked up the brush and put it down again. She repeated this several times. The faces of her father and Jusetsu alternated in her head. Jusetsu was a good girl. Banka wanted to be friends with her. She saved her.

She let out a sigh.

After a long period of hesitation, Banka picked up the brush.

As a gift, Koushun brought some unusual food. Jusetsu stared at the bowl that was piled high with the treat. It smelled sweet. Plum fruits were covered in a thin coat of candy.

“Candy was coated onto the plums and hardened. It’s sweet. I thought you might like these kinds of snacks, so I brought some here.”

Listening to Koushun’s words absentmindedly, Jusetsu picked up one of the candies. It was glossy and shining, like a star. Hesitantly, she bit into it. The candy coating crumbled as soon as her teeth bit into it, and when she bit into the plum, the soft, sour fruit and crunchy, sweet candy mixed together and filled her mouth. This was—an unknown deliciousness.

“Wonderful.”

Koushun smiled faintly at Jusetsu, who only said that word.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

Jusetsu closed the lid of the vessel, thinking that she should give some to Jiujiu, who had already retired for the night, tomorrow. Koushun watched as she licked the candy off of her fingers. Uncomfortable with his gaze, she wiped her fingers with a handkerchief.

“…So, what business do you have with me tonight?”

“Ah…” Koushun was silent for a moment, seemingly searching for the words. Jusetsu waited. “I have many things I need to tell you. First, there are two things to report.”

Koushun raised his index finger.

“I heard the Owl’s voice.”

Jusetsu frowned, not understanding. “Voice? What do you mean?”

“A few days ago, I was presented with a large conch shell. It was a rare item, with a jet-black shell that shins rainbow colors. The voice came from it. The voice of the Owl. It seemed that I’m the only one who can hear him. He said that it was because I was wounded by him before.”

As usual, Koushun spoke about anything in his matter-of-fact way. Jusetsu pressed her fingers to her temples and tried to sort out his words in her head.

“…And so?”

“Apparently, the Owl is in prison because of the recent events. He can’t help you. Instead, he told me provide wisdom.”

“Wisdom?”

What did that mean?

“How to rescue the Raven—how to rescue you.”

Koushun’s voice was quiet, as well as his eyes that were staring at her.

“…Rescue me?” Jusetsu’s voice was hoarse.

“Yes.”

A silence descended upon them. Jusetsu didn’t speak, so Koushun started talking again.

“There might be a way to free the Raven without killing you. I would like to find it.”

“But,” Jusetsu raised her voice. “Then—what would happen to the Summer King?”

What would happen to the Winter and Summer Kings when the Raven was freed?

“I don’t know,” Koushun’s answer was simple and straightforward. “However, I have doubts as to whether or not it would be safe if we keep things as they are. The situation is different now than it was a long time ago. I believe there might be new wisdom that can be derived from that. There may be a best way forward.”

And then, Koushun raised another finger.

“We’ve captured Hou Ichigyou. That’s the second report. As a sorcerer, he knows things we don’t. About Gou-no-Kami and Wulian Niangniang as well. His knowledge would probably be very helpful.”

Jusetsu was staring intently at Koushun, who spoke quietly without any expression on his face.

Why?

“Why…” Jusetsu bit her lip.

“What is it?” Koushun asked.

“There’s no need for you to go that far, is there?”

When she said that, Koushun fell silent and peered at her face.

“There is a need. Because we’re friends.”

Koushun’s voice was always quiet, but it was decisive and resolute, not matching that stillness.

“There are many things I have to give up after weighing them against other things. I thought that I couldn’t let you leave this palace. But—if there is a way, I want to choose it.”

What about you, he asked.

Jusetsu squeezed her hands together beneath the table. She wanted to scream, Save me, but she knew she couldn’t do that.

But now Koushun was trying to scoop up that cry.

As her chest grew hot, she lowered her head.

“…I can’t do it…” She squeezed her hands tightly. “I…can’t choose it.”

“Why?” Koushun asked quietly.

“If I’m…if I’m saved,” Jusetsu closed her eyes. “I would feel guilty towards Reijou.”

Towards Reijou, who spent her life alone as the Raven Consort. Towards Reijou, who loved and raised her—.

“…Jusetsu.”

Jusetsu suddenly opened her eyes. That was because Koushun’s finger was touching her cheek.

“I’ve never met Reijou, but I can imagine how much she loved you. Jusetsu, don’t you forget. Just like you had Reijou, she also had you.”

Koushun’s voice permeated gently into the bottom of Jusetsu’s chest.

“Save yourself, who was loved by Reijou.”

It felt like there was a hot lump in her throat. It gradually rose, making her lips tremble.

She felt like her cry for help, tossed into the darkness, had been received.

Koushun’s finger wiped Jusetsu’s eyes. It was then that she finally realized that she was crying.

Something that had hardened slowly softened and melted away.

Koushun’s hand gently caressed her cheek.

Injou was playing on a rocky beach. Water dashed onto her every time the waves washed ashore and broke on the rocks, but she didn’t care at all, observing the small fish and shellfish left behind in the tide pools. Hakurai watched her from a distance. The sea breeze caressed his hair and made the hem of his robe flutter.

The left half of Hakurai’s face was covered with a cloth. With his remaining right eye, he shifted his gaze to the sea. In the distance, the shadow of an island was faintly visible.

“Is that Bahuang Island?”

Hakurai confirmed with the man standing next to him. The man was wearing a wide-brimmed hat that cast a shadow over his face. He brought no attendants with him as he came to see Hakurai off. He had virile features and a sharp gaze. He might put on a kind smile for his people, but he never did that ordinarily.

“Bahuang Island consists of several islands, large and small. The largest island is called Big Island. That’s the island you two are heading for,” the man—Chouyou—said. “The boats come and go every day, the fish are delicious, and the fruits are plentiful. The islanders are also very peaceful and carefree. –Don’t disturb the peace by displaying your bad habits.”

The corners of Hakurai’s lips lifted and he simply smiled back.

“Seeing with only one eye must be very inconvenient. I’ll give you a servant. He’s a hard worker who can do anything from cooking rice to repairing a house. If you don’t have enough hands, you can hire whoever you want after you reach the island.”

“There’s no need for that, sir. I’ll live quietly and frugally. I have Injou with me as well.”

Chouyou glanced at Injou. “Will she be useful?”

Hakurai laughed. “In her own way. She was born in a fishing village, so living near the sea would suit her better.”

“Rouko in Gei Province, was it?”

“Yes.”

“It’s a poor village.”

“So, when I asked them if I could take her, they were delighted. Of course, I paid them handsomely.”

Chouyou cast a sorrowful gaze at Injou. If Hakurai had visited that village a year later, that girl might have been bought at a bargain by a procurer of bad character and sold to some run-down brothel. She was a young girl with tanned skin and dark eyes, and was beautiful even for a child.

“I had long surmised that the Hatan people were a people close to the gods, but Injou was an unexpected find.”

As the spray of the waves grew higher, Hakurai called out to Injou. “Injou, come over here.”

Injou didn’t react right away, but after he called her again, she finally turned around. She leisurely walked over to him. Although she seemed to be a slow-witted girl, she was the only one who could serve as a vessel that could communicate with Hakumyoushi.

Various items washed onto the beach from distant places. Shells, pieces of broken glass, drowned bodies, lost souls, gods. That was why fishing grounds were also called gathering places.

When he first met Injou, she had been collecting shells on the beach. She told him that she sold beautiful shells and pieces of glass as souvenirs at a nearby inn town. Such items became amulets as flotsam from the land of the gods. There were many children on the beach who were also collecting sea shells. All of them were barefoot and wearing rough clothes.

There’s a god at the bottom of the sea.

Injou had said that.

When you put a shell to your ear like this, you can hear his voice. The god lives at the bottom of the deep sea. The bottom of the sea is pitch black, the same as the night, so the gods are asleep.

But, this god is awake. He says he’s waiting.

For what? Hakurai had asked her.

For me.

“Mister, look at this. It’s a sakura shell,” Injou approached and showed him the shell. “It’s not chipped anywhere.”

Injou’s eyes were sparkling. That was because shells without any chips or cracks could be sold at a relatively high price.

Hakurai let out a sigh. “You don’t need to do such things anymore.”

She wasn’t living a life where she had to walk around barefoot selling shells. However, completely ignoring Hakurai’s words, Injou gleefully put the shell in a small pouch and put it in her breast pocket. The pouch was dirty and worn-out, made by her mother in the past.

While Hakurai frowned, Chouyou held out his fist to Injou.

“Put your hands out,” he told her, and Injou did what he said, looking confused. Chouyou dropped an avalanche of shells into her hands. They were all small, but they were silver-lipped pearl oysters with a rainbow-colored luster on the inside. These were one of the shells used to create mother-of-pearl.

“Wah…!” The shimmering shells made Injou’s face flush. “These will sell for a very high price!”

That’s not the point here. Hakurai pressed his hand to his forehead, but Chouyou narrowed his eyes with a gentle expression on his face.

“I was told by the merchant that the quality of these shells isn’t suitable for mother-of-pearl. I heard that you liked seashells, so I gave them to you.”

“Thank you.”

Injou had a big smile on her face. She carefully put the shells away in her pouch. Because Hakurai never knew what kind of words might come out of her mouth, he didn’t let her appear in front of people. Even if she did, he didn’t let her speak. It was better to keep her mysterious.

Hakurai took out a handkerchief and wiped her wet clothes and hair. Injou obediently let him do it. It wasn’t that she hadn’t become attached to him, but she still called him “Mister” and didn’t call him by his name.

Because that’s not your real name, she said. She was right.

“Let’s set off now.”

Hakurai put his hand on her back and they headed for the dock. After a short walk, they came across a pier. There was a ferry there waiting for passengers.

“The servant should be on Big Island’s dock to greet you. He should have finished cleaning the house by now.”

“I am deeply grateful for your kindness.”

With a face that didn’t take Hakurai’s gratitude seriously, Chouyou looked towards the island.

“You should take a rest for a while. Your wound must still hurt.”

“…I even borrowed the divine treasure from you, and now this plight has befallen us. I feel ashamed of my own stupidity more than I feel pain.”

“There’s no need to worry about the orb. It was originally a cursed object that couldn’t be destroyed even if we wanted to. I’m even grateful to you,” Chouyou glanced at Hakurai. “You’re the one who lost the Eight Truths you so carefully nurtured.”

“I don’t care about such things anymore.”

Yes. The Eight Truths had collapsed, but that didn’t matter to him. As long as he had Injou and Hakumyoushi, everything was okay.

“Very well then. –This is where I see you off. Take care of yourself.”

“Yes, sir.”

If he had really wanted to, he wouldn’t have taken the risk of coming to see him off. It would be bad if Hakurai, who was supposed to have been banished from Ga Province, was seen here exchanging friendly words with Chouyou. However, Chouyou came to see him off out of a strong sense of duty.

“If you ever need me again, please call on me.”

Just like this time, when he was sent to deal with Chouyou’s eyesore of an uncle.

Hakurai and Injou headed for the boat landing. Chouyou watched them for a while, but eventually left the rocky shore and went away.

Even if she was called with the name Injou, she couldn’t react immediately. Because it wasn’t her real name.

Injou, who was still being rocked by the boat and peering into the water, turned around after her name was called several times. Hakurai had a scary look on his face.

“Don’t look in. You’ll fall.”

“I can’t see the bottom of the sea.”

Despite growing up in a fishing village, Injou had rarely been on a boat. It was a man’s job to go out to sea. Girls like Injou and boys who aren’t old enough to go fishing yet were either picking shells, mending nets, or listening to the elders’ folktales.

Especially on stormy days, she would sit while hugging her knees by the fireside and listen to the elders’ story. The other children would be there as well.

That’s right, she wondered if that childhood friend of hers was fine. A boy who had gone to the capital. They would sit together and listen to old tales.

Injou looked out at the dark indigo sea. Every time the waves rocked the boat, she murmured her name. In order to not forget it.

“Ayura…Ayura.”

I mustn’t forget that boy’s name as well, she thought. She pressed her hand against her pouch over her clothes. It held the shells she was given.

I wonder what he’s doing right now.

That boy was a crybaby, so maybe he was crying right now. She was worried.

Ishiha.

“Ishiha.”

Her whisper was crushed beneath the waves and sank to the bottom of the sea.

Previous || Index || Next

#koukyuu no karasu #koukyuu no karasu 3 #raven of the inner palace #shirakawa kouko #translations

[fukuwatchesbl]

OFTS thoughts (- I don’t have a title)

Here, I’ll talk about the characters and their relationships. I’m not really trying to analyze them, it’s more about how I perceive them so far (as of episode 3).

First, let me get it out of my system, but I don’t think there’s a clear villain in this show, nor a mastermind. I think we’re supposed to take the characters (mostly) as they’re presented, with blatant flaws. If these characters are dishonest, it’s mainly with themselves or with each other, not with the audience.

1. The core friendship

From the start, Cheum, Boston, Ray and Mew’s friendship felt off to me, but in retrospect, more than off, it’s imperfect. While this can read as a euphemism after last Saturday, there are scenes with both working and broken bonds between them. The good: making sure everyone gets home, Boston and Ray's go-to person being Mew (in ep1: Boston gives his number to Nick for his phone repair, Ray calls him right after exiting Sand’s flat), Mew 2nd go-to person is Ray (but only after he met Top), the way they know who will not do the assignment and who is good with each part of the job. The bad: Boston throwing under the bus both Ray and Mew to get Top, the peer pressure to lose one's virginity, their teacher foreshadowing comments…

Honestly, if it wasn’t for Boston’s unhinged behaviour, their friendship might have a chance to last. (it still might)

2. But that’s not Boston.

Boston looks everyone down, and what he wants, he gets. He doesn’t mind twisting the truth (Top) or gaslighting people around (Nick). He’s also someone who sees everything through the lens of sex. His value is established by the number of partner he has, by how they want to come back for more, and how he had them first and can get them back whenever.

It looks like this lens might also impact his assumptions about others’ relationships. While we now know for a fact Mew and Ray kissed, I highly doubt they had sex. But, at this point, I feel Boston sincerely believe they did. Maybe he saw them getting together in a room. And what else could they have done together if not fuck? This is why Boston keeps looking at them with suspicion. He thinks they’re lying/hiding/hypocrites, but HE sees them, HE is no dupe.

3. Mew the virgin

I wouldn’t be surprised if Mew ended up being demisexual. But, let's talk about how so many of us see him as mastermind, and... I don't. Or, at least, not yet.

Did he make sure their school project would secure his future? Yes, I agree with this. It's his idea, and he's aware how much Ray cares for him, and, to some extant, he's profiting from it. Did he take top's 3-months-limit as a form of challenge? Probably (unless he's demi, then the scene take a slightly different tone). BUT, that's it. I strongly believe the rest can be taken at face value.

Well... until he'll decide to confront Top about cheating on him. Because, then we get to this (I think):

And I still don't know if that smile is Mew feeling reassured, knowing he has the upper hand in their relationship, or planning revenge.

4. Top, a much frailer top-tier

Not gonna lie, I love his character. He looks like a basic (wo)manizer at first, but he's showing some cracks that make me want to know more. Of all the characters, he is one of the most adjusted when comparing who he thinks he is and who he says he is. But that doesn't always mean he lets others see all parts of him.

He had zero problem sharing his childhood trauma with Mew or openly taking sleeping pills, but whatever that dude, Beam, is to him is out of line. And Beam stating he knows Top both in and out of bed? What do you mean OUT?

Also, that clip of his confrontation with Mew (see above), shows Top crying. Do I think Top and Mew are opposites? Maybe. I mean: Mew is reserved, sexless, composed, while Top is in-the-open (mostly), sexfull, emotive. And gosh are we going to see emotions from Top next week. His carefully worked façade is falling in favor of anger and jealousy. Mostly (and wrongly) directed at Sand.

5. Sand, the only really adjusted person?

Well, adjusted only if you consider the men, because so far the women are rocking it better than everybody else. But he has his shit together at least. No trauma in view, very done with bullshit in general, discreet where needed (did you sleep with Boston??), know his own value...

Honestly, the only mystery is what happened between him and Top. Like some others, I feel there must be another person in between them. My wild theory is it's Cheum's lil bro 🤡🤡🤡

6. Atom, who the fuck are you?

Atom, played by Title Kirati, is Cheum little brother. He just got introduced in the last episode, but I have no idea how he connects to the rest of the story (thus my wild theory). We know he's a comm arts student (a link to Nick?). The reason I think he'll impact, in some way, the story is his presence in the opening credits and 1 micro-second in the trailer.

7. Nick, stalker with gentle heart

To be fair, Nick is not the only character with stalker behaviour. Boston shows it with his habit of taking pictures of his lovers in intimate moments, and the picture of Ray/Mew's kiss. Ray also who follows Sand, and Mew who admits he could very much go pry in his lover's phone given the chance.

But Nick is not the poor bunny we thought he is. His stalker behaviour is present from the start with the invasion of privacy on Boston's phone, which would be illegal in many countries, and now the taping of Boston's car (illegal too). But there's also the cameras he suggests to Boston for their pool party. No one was asking for video and sound recording, but he suggested it as if it was perfectly normal. (btw, did Drake use this kind of camera? Could we get both revenge porn and/or commercial sex tapes?)

8. Ray, he'll break some heart, his or yours, or both

So, where do I start here. By the obvious? Falling out of love is complicated, it’s a process partly built on bad habits. Sometimes, you might even start falling in love again before being fully done with said process. I think this is happening to Ray. But I also think Ray has been lying to others for so long to hide the true extent of his pain, that he has difficulties acknowledging the burgeoning feelings he has for Sand. There’s a reason why both Mew and Yo perceive them better than he does.

There are other things to mention about him. The drinking issue, the call to mental health lack of care, his blackouts habit. And that one is really an habit that has found him waking up in random people beds with no memory of what happened in the night. He didn't go presuming he and Sand had sex that very first night out of nowhere. I'm not gonna lie, it scares me that this can be someone's real life experience. It brings back that time when a coworker told me that really I should have a blackout once (on purpose): "it's a great experience". "Great" said with no sarcasm nor joking tone. It still gives me the chill.

Anyway, I'll stop here, sadly I have not much to say about the women in the series. I wish they were more present, and as messy as their male counterparts, but that doesn't look like it'll be the case. The writers and directors are focusing specifically on mlm experiences, something as intimate to them as to the main characters.

#only friends the series #long post #ofts meta #meta #hopefully I won't have forgotten to erase a formatting note

[uselessmicrowave]

hihello could I possibly have a match up please? Continuity: MTMTE (Lost Light crew?) and/or TFP (Decepticons)

Appearance: very long curly hair! very soft, very bouncy, very thick, like a sheep!, skinny as a stick and physically weak, have a baby face and I hate it so much because I feel like no one takes me seriously-..don't know if any of this matters or helps-?

Personality: I’m generally a very quiet and reserved person, especially during first impressions! I’m kind of a shy and anxious lurking shadow who assumes the worst until I get a good enough feel of a person, you know? Then I'm comfortable popping in!

I tend to gravitate towards being "Designated Parent Friend" or "Big Sibling Friend?" I love being able to make others feel better about themselves or to help them out. Maybe it’s because of some rough stuff in my past, but I never want anyone to feel similar to the ways I have. If you hurt someone I care about, I am never going like you. I’m kind of..soft? I cry very easily, be it happy or sad, and it frustrates me! I’m not a soft and squishy person! ..okay yes I am but I’m also trying super hard to be the shoulder people can lean on if they need me! Growing a backbone is a work in progress, and sometimes I come off too harsh or mean when I actually use it.. A friend once described me like glass; it’s fragile, but a broken piece can still really mess you up, you know? Glass-ness aside, my sense of humor is honestly very dry and sarcastic and you probably wouldn’t expect it out of me! I can get kind of angry over petty things and sort of clingy, but I’ll be fine after some time to let it all pass.

I like playing videogames, drawing and writing, and reading tarot! I like doing things alone, really, but I love the company of others when they want me to join in. Because it does indeed get lonely being alone sometimes!

I have some really gross depression bouts and lots of anxiety disorders that I do my best to juggle, but, sometimes I just have to shut down for a bit and..sleep.

Values: Someone who can make me smile when I’m really having a hard time! I guess that sounds a little silly, but even something small to distract me from my thoughts is huge. Loyalty also? Admittedly I get kind of jealous and clingy when people I like hang around others too much..especially if I don’t like those others. I also really like um..acts of service I guess it is? Little things matter to me most!

NOPES: People who takes themselves too seriously. Disinterest/poking fun at in my hobbies..or insecurities. Being completely babied/not letting me try to grow. Making assumptions based on appearance or first impressions alone. Is this enough to work with? I just realized how much I wrote I'm so sorry- but um thanks again, you stay hydrated too! ♥

This is definitely enough to work with, thank you anon! I’ll be pairing you with MTMTE Swerve and TFP Breakdown!

Swerve

Your quietness in the very beginning of your relationship is probably a good thing because it gives him space to ramble.

He relates to you about the baby face appearance and your glass-ness, having some of the same experiences as you do seem to warm you up to him.

He loves your hair, he face-plants into love if you ask him to help you style or take care of it.

He thinks it’s so cool with the tarot card thing? He doesn’t know how it works but is totally supportive!

Swerve loves playing Earth video games with you, he prefers multiplayer games like animal crossing (new horizons) or even smash bros, but nothing too competitive.

You two will, without a doubt, eventually go on a double date with Tailgate and Cyclonus.

Swerve has his fair share of anxiety and he’ll take naps with you when you shut down.

If you drink alcohol, he will find a way to get some liquors that are safe to consume for you.

He has a snack supply under the bar for you but he doesn’t want you to think he’s babying you. He only reveals this to you when you admit you’re hungry.

Breakdown

This hunk is also very quiet towards the beginning of your relationship, which makes for a couple awkward moments

He’s also the ‘parent friend,’ so he’ll make jokes about having vehicon kids.

Your dry sarcastic sense of humor reminds him of Knockout, so you and the lead medic will interact a lot.

He, much like you, doesn’t like it when someone makes fun of appearance, hobbies, ect.. Not afraid to yell at a random vehicon that poked at your insecurities.

He tries his best not to baby you, but you’re just so very cute. He tries not to mention it but the baby fat on your face practically makes him have heart optics.

You’ll sit on his shoulder while he’s restocking medical kits or shelfs, that way he won’t get lonely. Breakdown loves it if you ask questions about the medical tools.

Your drawing and writing fascinates him. What kind of things are important enough for you to make art or write about it?

He’s definitely all for a stress nap with you, especially if you want to lay on his chassis.

Breakdown also values loyalty, but he won’t be spark broken if you decide to spend your time with Knockout instead of him. As long as you’re having fun.

This ^ hc above? Total lie. He’ll just say that to you, the poor bot won’t really have anyone to spend time with if you and KO are busy.

#tfp #tfp x reader #micro matchups #transformers prime #breakdown #tfp breakdown #tfp breakdown x reader #breakdown x reader #mtmte #mtmte x reader #mtmte swerve #swerve #swerve x reader #mtmte swerve x reader

[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 45: If I Had

Previous chapters // Montserrat’s masterlist

Fandom: SVU

Pairing:  Rafael Barba x OFC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​ @arrthurpendragon​ @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​ @stareyedplanet​ @averyhotchner​ @abzidabzy​ @hellofutur​ @foxesandmagic​

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

Early in the morning court had commenced to hear the ruling. Most of the squad was confident that things would go their way but Evie Barnes would prefer to see it to believe it.

"Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

"We have, your honor."

"What say you?"

"On the charge of rape in the first degree, we find the defendant Daniel Pryor guilty."

Evie released the air she'd been holding. The courtroom broke into murmurs all around her but she was only listening to the detectives immediately around her.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the state of New York thanks you for your service. Mr. Pryor, you will remain out on bail until sentencing."

"Your honor, I'd like to file a motion to set aside this verdict," Buchanan was quick to say as everyone started gathering their things to leave.

"So noted. I'll reserve judgment until sentencing."

"What does that mean?" Evie inquired, slightly put on edge that somehow this still wasn't over.

"It's pro forma. If the jury reaches a verdict, judges don't overturn it," Olivia assured her.

"Nice work," Montserrat said to Rafael on their way out of the courtroom. Behind her, the squad and Evie agreed with similar nods.

"Thanks," he let a moment's pause pass before he spoke again, "I'm thinking I'll celebrate with a nice dinner tonight."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. I was thinking Japanese."

"Hm, that sounds nice." Montserrat bit her lower lip as a smirk threatened to mark them. Rafael didn't bother hiding his. His smirk was out in the open.

"Evie Barnes…" A young woman stopped the group by the elevator.

Evie was puzzled with the stranger. "Yes?"

The woman handed Evie a folded paper. "You've been served."

Evie blinked and looked down at the paper in her hands. She fumbled to unfold it and read its contents but as she started to read, the others watched her eyes widen.

"What is that?" Olivia asked her.

"It's from the president's office at Hudson. I'm being expelled for violating the code of conduct?"

"No, they can't do that," Amanda said, glancing at Olivia for some backup. Unfortunately the Sergeant was more than used to the behavior of Hudson university.

"They just did," Evie said, lowering her arms to her sides. "I have to move out by the end of next week."

Not on Olivia's watch. The Sergeant took Evie and scurried out of the courthouse.

~ 0 ~

At a safe distance from the courthouse, Rafael and Montserrat were able to walk together for a few minutes before work would get in the way.

"I have to be back at the office to finish up some paperwork but just for a few hours," Rafael was saying. "But I promise that afterwards, I am all yours." Montserrat loved hearing those words together. He stopped walking and turned to face her, his smirk promising exactly what he'd said.

"Someone's really happy," she remarked as if she'd only just noticed.

"I am, actually, and I want to celebrate with my favorite person." His free hand reached for hers and interlocked their fingers.

She gladly let him pull her body to his. "Yeah, I'm pretty happy too. I'm glad that Daniel's not getting away with it." There was a heavy tug at her heart as soon as she'd heard her own words.

Rafael noticed the faint cringe on her face. "You alright?"

Montserrat cleared her throat, pushing away those ugly thoughts in her head. "Yeah, yeah, just...worried about Evie's situation at the university."

"Ah, I think Liv will do what she can for her." Rafael brought their interlocked hands up to his lips for a kiss. "Now, I have to go or else I won't get through the paperwork by tonight."

"Raf, if you're too busy we can go out another night. I really don't mind, you know that."

"Yeah, but I'm doing this for selfish reasons."

"What?"

"I'm doing it for me. I want to spend some time with you," he grinned. She laughed at his confession but her blush pretty much summed up how she felt in regards to it. He could be all types of selfish if it involved thoughts like those. He let go of her hand and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'll pick you up at eight. I promise."

"Okay," she nodded. She watched him disappear down the street with a small smile. Eventually, though, it faded.

Those thoughts of hers…

~ 0 ~

The sentencing ruling came up much quicker than anyone would've thought. Since Evie was still fighting with the university to let her stay, she didn't realize the sentencing was coming up. Luckily, she made it right on time.

"Daniel Pryor, please rise," the judge instructed the young man standing beside Buchanan. "Before I speak to your sentencing and other motions, I understand you'd like to make a statement."

Daniel nodded. No longer did he wear the confident face of someone knowing they would get away with a crime. He seemed to have adopted the same shifty behavior that Matt had during the trial, as if it would help him now. "Your honor, I'd like to apologize to my family and my school for any embarrassment I've caused them. What happened that night is something my friend Matt, Evie, and I will have to live with for the rest of our lives. I showed poor judgment. And I know, if given another chance, I would never do anything to dishonor another woman again."

"Thank you. I see genuine remorse here," the judge noted. "What I did not see during the trial, however, is behavior rising to the level of the criminal charges brought against you."

For a moment there, Rafael thought he'd heard wrong. "Excuse me, your honor?" There was something he wasn't seeing straightaway and the feeling was shared by his co-workers sitting behind him.

"I do not do this lightly. Due to the lack of sufficient evidence, I accept the defense's motion to set aside the jury's guilty verdict."

Evie did a double-take at Daniel who suddenly seemed to gain his confidence back. The wide grin on his face gave her chills. "What's he doing?" She quickly asked the detectives around her.

They were as dumbfounded as she was.

Rafael had skipped that phase and went straight to the fury. "Your honor, this is an outrageous abuse of your power-"

"Mr. Barba—"

"There is no basis to overturn this conviction. Her testimony, the corroborator's testimony…"

"You don't need to approach the bench," the judge motioned Rafael to stay back, but he hadn't even noticed that he was moving towards the judge in the first place. His ears were ringing, actually, because he'd just heard the most absurd thing in his life!

"Your honor, you are making a factual determination. That is the jury's job, not yours!"

"Sit down, Mr. Barba!" The judge's voice had risen in volume to create the sharp demand.

Even though Montserrat couldn't see his face right now, she was sure that it was Rafael's most murderous anger. It was almost scary but quite understanding. She was trying to get Olivia's attention to see if this was really something that could happen because she'd never seen it with her own eyes. Olivia, however, was trying to keep Evie from completely freaking out. There was a cause for chatter amongst the courtroom and with each second that passed by, things only got louder and more chaotic.

Even the judge seemed overwhelmed as he was making things happen. "Young lady... I don't know if you desire the recently popular status of victimhood or if this was a publicity stunt to jumpstart your porn career, but given the evidence, there is no way to conclude beyond reasonable doubt that your "no" in this incident truly meant "no." I hope, going forward, you find a way to respect your body and yourself."

Evei fervently shook her head. Her tears were fast in rolling down her face. "No, I wasn't lying!"

"What you are doing is giving men permission to assault a woman based on her sexual history!" Rafael was yelling above the courtroom. His hands were shoving his things into his briefcase, not noticing the way papers were getting folded and twisted. "You're setting the clock back on rape law 50 years!"

"Last warning, Mr. Barba. I will hold you in contempt—"

All feelings aside, Montserrat would've liked to see how that would go. Right now, though, she just wanted to pull Rafael back before he did something stupid. He was positively burning with anger and she had no idea what to do for him.

"I'm making an immediate motion to appeal!"

"As is your prerogative," the judge's plain dismissal didn't do any favors. "Mr. Pryor, you are free to go!"

Daniel celebrated with his family and Buchanan while Evie was left distraught. The detectives around her tried calming her down before they had to leave and face the media that would no doubt be waiting for her outside. Montserrat wanted to stop Rafael from leaving on his own, or at the very least to help him with whatever she could. But when she tried catching him on his way out of the courtroom, he just crossed down the aisle without so much of a glance her way nor the others'.

Yes, it was scary and she had no idea what to do at that moment...so she just let him go.

~ 0 ~

"How can a judge overturn a verdict?" Sonny made the question when everyone was back at the precinct.

"It's called "judgment notwithstanding the verdict." It's pretty uncommon, but it does happen," Olivia sighed.

"I've heard of it but I've never seen it happen," Montserrat shook her head. "What the hell went through that judge's head?"

"You won't like the answer," Fin said.

"Not as much as Evie," Amanda remarked, leaving the air even more terse than before.

"How's she doing?" Nick specifically asked Olivia. She'd gone after Evie when court was adjourned.

"Not well," Olivia's tone was a flat one. "School isn't taking her back."

"She must feel like she lost everything," Montserrat lowered her gaze to her desk. She understood that feeling perfectly.

"Isn't there anything we can do for her now?" Sonny inquired.

Olivia shook her head. "At this point, not really."

"I'd still like to check in on her," Amanda languidly raised a finger to the air. "I mean, someone should right? No parents, no school?"

"Yeah," Olivia exhaled a heavy breath. The feeling of incompetence had filled each of her detectives and then herself. They were at a complete loss.

"Sergeant," Dodds stormed into the bullpen, not sparing anyone a look as he made a direct beeline for Olivia's office.

"My office, I guess," Olivia mumbled as she followed him.

"Great, what more can go wrong?" Nick watched as Olivia shut the door behind her.

"Please don't challenge whatever force is behind this," Amanda shot him a pointed look.

"It's no force, it's the system," Montserrat mumbled under her breath. She leaned against her chair to think. She soared her phone on the desk another glance - the fifth one in the last 10 minutes - and just like before, it was void of any texts. She had the smallest of hope that Rafael would text her with at least a couple words assuring her that he was okay. She wouldn't believe him but at least that would show her that he was choosing to make contact with someone. But no. He wasn't reaching out which meant that he was seeking to be alone and wallow in his grief.

She'd have to pull him out herself.

So she did.

That night would have her relentlessly knocking on his door until he opened up. Thankfully, it only took a few to get him to open up and avoid her the embarrassment of having neighbors think she was a clingy ex or something.

"Before you say anything," she started when Rafael opened his mouth, "I'm not leaving. I did bring some food, though." She pulled one of her arms from behind her back to reveal a familiar bag from her favorite dessert shop that was now his favorite too.

He appreciated her intentions but he didn't feel like making her spend time with him when he was the worst company at the moment. "Montse, I'm just not in a very sweet mood. Literally."

"Okay, then we go the other way." She then pulled her other arm from behind her back to reveal a second bag. Though he couldn't see exactly what it was, he caught a glimpse of a bottle's lid peeking out on top. "Scotch, anybody?" Rafael said nothing but the faint twitch of his lips told Montserrat which way to lean towards. "C'mon, you know that was funny," she lowered her arms in front of her, each holding their contrasting options for the night.

"You're unbelievable," he concluded with the fondest of smiles on his face.

"Does that mean I can stay?"

He reached out and tugged her up to his body. "You're always welcomed here." He tucked a few of her bright orange curls behind her ears. It'd been a very crappy day so far but having her there suddenly gave him the energy to smile. "Mi corazón."

Montserrat's face lit up. "Oh, you're my heart too. My snarky, tough heart." She bopped him on the nose.

"You just couldn't help yourself, huh?"

"Nope!"

Rafael took the bags from her and brought her inside. He actually couldn't stop smiling because of the bags. It was a sign that Montserrat truly knew him, for better or worse. The sweet tooth and the cursed alcoholic tooth.

"So, what exactly are we doing first?" Montserrat made scarce of her coat on his couch, revealing a short-sleeved, loose blue tunic dress underneath. It swung with her as she turned to face him.

Rafael didn't know why but seeing the ballerina necklace he'd given her for her birthday sitting around her neck made him feel that much better. He left the bags on the coffee table and walked up to her. His arms slipped around her waist then he swiftly pulled her against him for a kiss.

Montserrat brought her arms over his shoulders, her hands clasping behind his neck. She'd been waiting for a moment like this ever since the trial. Whether it was right or wrong to feel such exhilaration watching him nail criminals, she didn't care. All she cared about was getting to have him this way and being the only one to have him that way.

She pulled away only slightly to speak. "Oh, I think I'm selfish too." Her words were accompanied by the tickling of her lips over his.

"Why do you say that?" He could barely string the words together. She was teasing him with her open-mouthed kisses.

Her hands slipped from the back of his neck to the edges of his face. Her smooth fingers gently tapped against his skin. "Because I don't want anyone else to have you but me."

A smile drew across Rafael's lips. "That is a type of selfishness that I'm okay with."

Montserrat matched his smile for a second before she bit on her lower lip. "You're supposed to discourage this type of behavior."

"Not when you're looking at me like that while doing this," he poked her bottom lip with his forefinger. It earned him a wider smile from her. "I agree. I don't want anyone else to have you but me." And if he wanted things to stay the way they were between them, he had to make sure that he was appreciating her like she deserved. He glanced at the bags on the table and realized he could do better for her.

"Raf, you okay?" Montserrat wondered if he was falling back again. She couldn't let that happen.

Rafael met her anxious gaze and nodded. "Yeah. I was just realizing that maybe we could add a little something to the scotch over there…"

"Like what?"

"Dinner."

Montserrat hummed in delight. "I'd like that! What are we thinking? Chinese? French-"

"Home-cooked," he surprised her with. "Here."

"What...are you going to cook for me?" She lifted an eyebrow at him.

"I did say I cooked, right? Let me show you."

"Okay, what are you thinking?"

Rafael didn't answer her. He let go of her body only to take her hand and lead her into the kitchen. Montserrat felt the butterflies in her stomach as he guided her through the steps of whatever dish he'd decided on. She couldn't remember it because most of her attention had been specifically trained on his movements.

She'd never seen him act so relaxed. It made her feel a little bit special knowing she was the reason his entire demeanor had changed in such a short span of time. A long time ago she could never see herself having a night like this and much less with—.

"Montserrat, I really need you to pass me sauce," Rafael was holding his hand out for said sauce.

Montserrat blinked twice before reality struck her and she was able to hand over the sauce bottle. "S-sorry."

"What were you thinking about?" He laughed and dumped the sauce into the pan. As soon as he stirred it with the other ingredients, Montserrat smelled its delicious scent.

"Honestly? You," she answered with a coy smile. As soon as she saw his smirk, she set out to challenge it. She simply couldn't resist. "I just never pictured myself having a home-cooked dinner date with the likes of you."

"Oh, so it's like that?" He sent her a sharp glance. He absolutely loved her giggle. Those were so rare.

"Convince me that I'm in the right place, then."

"I'll do my best," he promised her to the fullest extent. It'd been a long, difficult path to get to where they were now and he would not waste it. He leaned over and pressed a small kiss over her lips.

Montserrat smiled at him afterwards and helped with whatever was left to do which, by that point, was simply to set the table. She was eager to try his dish—it smelled absolutely fantastic and she was rather hungry too. She did, though, make Rafael promise her that they would get to the dessert she brought.

Once they were sitting together and she had the opportunity to take her first bite of dinner, she took it. Rafael keenly watched her for any sign that she would dislike what he made. She might try to lie to him and spare his feelings, he wouldn't put it behind her.

"Oh God this is amazing!" She hummed as the last bits went down her throat. "What the hell is this and why am I only just now being introduced to it?"

Rafael laughed at her accusatory eyes. "It's picadillo and it's not that rare, darling."

"For you!" Montserrat exclaimed.

"It is Mexican too, you know."

Montserrat lightly sighed. "Right, but I don't know everything. I mean...I didn't exactly get to learn everything, did I?"

"No, I guess you didn't," Rafael gave her a guilty smile. "Sorry."

"Nothing to apologize for," she leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I bet if I had my Mom's side of the family I'd be much more educated." She grabbed another forkful of rice and took it in one go.

"Well, have you ever tried looking for them?" Rafael wasn't surprised at all when she froze. He almost felt guilty again when she didn't get to take a bite of the raisins she liked so much.

"What'd be the point?" She shrugged. "Mom walked out on us years ago."

"That's the point right there. Your mother left, but her family didn't. They could be out there—"

"I have no doubt that they are, but I just don't know what I'd do if I found them. I mean, what would I talk about with them? 'So I know my Mom left and all but we're still good, right?'" Montserrat shook her head, almost feeling the second-hand embarrassment just by thinking of that moment happening.

"You're not the least bit curious to know who's out there?"

"Maybe, I don't know…"

"I know," Rafael reached for her hand on the table. "I know that you're curious. You wouldn't be you if you weren't."

Montserrat ducked her head to avoid his gaze. "I might be but...to be honest, I'm not all that good with following through on things."

Rafael swore there was double meaning in her words. "Well, I can join that sentiment. The case with Evie? I...probably won't be filing again." Montserrat's head raised in a snap. "There's no point, right?"

Montserrat would always hate his talented mouth for turning things around on her and making sense. "You could keep fighting," she said quietly.

"But I don't want to put Evie into another battle that might just end up like this one. I don't think she can handle that."

With a sigh, Montserrat nodded. She didn't think Evie had a lot of fight left in her either. "Yeah…"

"I'm just sorry I couldn't give her the justice she deserved."

"No, you did everything you could," Montserrat wouldn't let Rafael fall into that dark place again. That's the whole reason she was there, after all. She turned her hand around so that she was able to squeeze his. "You have no idea how proud of you I was."

Rafael looked doubtful. "Really? I didn't do anything differently - except lose you know…"

"Stop that. You did your best and you did get Evie her justice...the judge was just a jerk. You did what you always do for victims." Her eyes were the softest brown Rafael had ever seen. She truly believed what she was saying.

"Thanks," he said, uncharacteristically quiet. He lost a bit of air just looking into her eyes.

"I have to confess something though," Montserrat took a breath in as she prepared to say her next words. "It's probably terrible of me but I...I had a bit of trouble towards the end of the case - the trial, specifically."

"Why's that?"

Montserrat met his gaze, her lips curved into a bitter smile. "His name was Daniel." Rafael stiffened in his seat. Suddenly, his hand was being squeezed again. Montserrat wasn't looking at him anymore. Her plate had turned into the most interesting thing ever. "I know it's horrible to do that type of stuff and I'll definitely be mentioning it to my therapist the next time I see her but I just...I couldn't help feel this satisfaction seeing you snap him shut when he testified. It's terrible, I know, I'm terrible." She was anxious to hear what he would say about it but for the longest time things were silent. She finally gathered the courage to look at him and discover whether or not he was disgusted.

"Montserrat, I've been trying to find the right moment to tell you this but I've sort of looked into the case." He coughed awkwardly. Her eyes were widening to the brim and before she would interject, he had to get it all out. "I couldn't help myself. I needed to know what happened and why you never came forwards." Like her, he expected a very specific reaction from her that never came.

"Did you see him?" Her stomach was turning into knots, making it so that she would feel like she had to throw up even though she was eating one of the best dishes she'd ever tried.

"...yeah, I did." He heard her breath hitch. Her hand around his had gotten a bit clammy. She was nervous and the last thing he wanted was for her to have some type of anxiety attack.

"I-I don't...you shouldn't have!" She squeezed her eyes shut and yanked her hand from his. "You shouldn't have! I didn't ever want you to see him!" If he had seen Daniel's face then it meant he knew exactly who'd gotten the best of her, who'd taken a part of her.

"Montserrat, it's okay, it's okay! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Rafael had to practically wrestle for one of her hands.

She relished in his touch but she still struggled to get back to a regular breathing pattern. When she opened her eyes, they were shining with tears. "Why would you go looking for the case?" She swallowed hard. "It's a literal file of the worst moment of my life. My weakest moment. I never wanted you to look through that. It's bad enough that Olivia went through it too." She wouldn't realize what she said until after she said it.

"What?" Rafael blinked. "Liv knew too?"

Montserrat shifted in her seat again. "She realized it during one of your trials. She knows and she confronted my old Captain about it. She retired early because of Liv."

There was an actual deep satisfaction hearing that. If there was someone Rafael could always count on it was Olivia Benson. "I'm glad she did that," he said. "It's not just me who's watching out for you. And I'm really sorry, sweetheart. When I went through it, I wanted to know exactly who had failed you in the system. And…" Rafael fought hard not to let his anger show. This wasn't the moment at all, it just wasn't an easy task to do. Each time he thought about the man who'd hurt Montserrat, a surge of fury flourished within him. It was the type of fury that left his body shaking and a feeling of doing some things he would've never thought about. "I was selfish, I'm sorry. I wanted to know who hurt you."

"You know who he is," Montserrat closed her eyes, letting her tears finally fall down her face.

"Yes."

"And what did you think?"

"I think that he should rot in jail along with whoever coerced you into staying quiet." He felt her flinch when his fingers found her face. They cleared the tears off her cheeks. "I won't lie, I am incredibly furious with all of them...and my feelings towards...him...are beyond any anger that I've ever felt. You only deserve to be cared for, you deserve happiness, and nothing less than that."

Montserrat opened her eyes to meet his. "I think...I think I found that with you. I'm sorry I keep going back and forth, but it's never about me doubting you."

"I know that," he assured her. "And I want you to know that I'm here. I will always be here for you, whether it's to talk about it, to hold you...I'm here."

"I know," Montserrat felt absurd with her feelings. She was incredibly lucky to have Rafael with her. "I'm here for you too, even though I don't look like I'm capable of it…" She gestured to her current state. "But I promise I'm here too."

Rafael chuckled. "You being here shows me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

"Well," Montserrat sniffed and cleared off any remaining tears off her face, "I would love to finish this dish and move onto the scotch and dessert. Think we can fit it all in one night?"

"Yeah," Rafael was halfway nodding when a new idea popped into his head. He looked at Montserrat in a different way, one that soon caught her attention.

"What?"

"I was thinking...we could start the scotch tonight...and maybe some of the dessert but if not...we could continue in the morning."

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him, her heart skipping a jolt at that moment. "What?"

"N-not that way just...you can stay here for tonight, just spending time together."

"What would we do, exactly?"

Rafael cleared his throat. "I don't know, talking? Whatever you want."

Montserrat leaned towards him, her eyes narrowing a bit. "I have one condition."

"Anything."

"I get to borrow your grandmother's blanket again."

Rafael couldn't but laugh. "Of course."

"Then you have yourself a deal."

#ocfairygodmother #fd: svu #svu #rafael barba #svu fics #rafael barba fics #svu imagines #rafael barba imagines #law and order svu #oc: Montserrat Novak #fic: dare to forget me #yes i finally did a cover for this fic #only took me like 60 chapters but okay

[shootingmorningstar]

Hello! I was wondering if I could maybe perhaps have a match-up? 👉👈 Appearance: Female, (She/Her/They,) very long curly hair! very soft, very bouncy, very thick, like a sheep!, skinny as a stick and physically weak, have a baby face and I hate it so much..don't know if any of this matters or helps but!

Personality: (idk if you like zodiac or if it helps you at all either, but i’m a Gemini Sun, Aquarius Moon, Virgo Rising!)

I’m generally a very quiet and reserved person, especially during first impressions! I’m kind of a shy and anxious lurking shadow who assumes the worst until I get a good enough feel of a person, you know? Then I'm comfortable popping in!

I tend to gravitate towards being "Designated Mom Friend" or "Big Sister Friend?" I love being able to make others feel better about themselves or to help them out. Maybe it’s because of some rough stuff in my past, but I never want anyone to feel similar to the ways I have. If you hurt someone I care about, I am never going like you. But if you hurt me? Eh..it’s not really new? I’m kind of..soft? I cry very easily, be it happy or sad, and it frustrates me! I’m not a soft and squishy person !..okay yes I am but I’m also trying super hard to be the shoulder people can lean on if they need me! Growing a backbone is a work in progress, and sometimes I worry I come off too harsh or mean when I actually use it. A friend once described me like glass; it’s fragile, but a broken piece can still really mess you up, you know? Glass-ness aside, my sense of humor is honestly very dry and sarcastic and you probably wouldn’t expect it out of me! I can get kind of angry over petty things and sort of clingy, but I’ll be fine after some time to let it all pass.

I like playing crocheting and sewing, drawing and writing, and reading tarot cards! I like doing things alone, really, but I love the company of others when they want me to join in. Because it does indeed get lonely being alone sometimes!

I have some really gross depression bouts and lots of anxiety disorders that I do my best to juggle, but, sometimes I just have to shut down for a bit and sleep.

Values: Someone who can make me smile when I’m really having a hard time! I guess that sounds a little silly, but even something small to distract me from my thoughts is huge. Loyalty also? Admittedly I get kind of jealous and clingy when people I like hang around others too much..especially if I don’t like those others. I also really like um..acts of service I guess it is? Little things matter to me most!

NOPES: People who takes themselves too seriously. Disinterest/poking fun at in my hobbies or insecurities. Being completely babied/not letting me try to grow. Making assumptions based on appearance or first impressions alone.

OH- I'm Demi with a male preference? Is this enough to work with? Hopefully so, thanks again!

-🐑

Of course you can, anon .ᐟ Don't worry, this is more than enough. I love the details, it really helps me be able to envision a matchup .ᐟ

Anon, I'm matching you with . . .

Sir Pentious .ᐟ

From what I understand about you, it seems like you really need somebody loyal and willing to make you happy, to cheer you up through the times where you're not feeling your greatest, and who's more loyal than Sir Pentious .ᐣ He's the first sinner soul to ever make it to Heaven, and for good reason .ᐟ He is devoted to his cause and the people around him, and your mom friend like behavior would endear you to him.

Not to mention he already seems to be fond of the sarcastic type .ᐟ I think he would absolutely adore your sense of humor. Snakes are typically solitary creatures, so your more reserved nature would really strike a chord with him. You mentioned your long hair .ᐣ He would love to comb it out for you. He has to be really gentle with his scales so I think he could sort of relate in that scenario. Sew or crochet him his Egg Bois some sweaters and he will be absolutely over the moon. Maybe you could help him fix Alastor's coat to make amends .ᐣ Either way, I think he would be a great match for you .ᐟ

#matchups #hazbin hotel #admin kitty #sir pentious

[suckitsurveys]

What are some of your favorite cities you’ve been to? Boston, Ogunquit/York (ME), Nashville, Lake Delton (WI).

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? I'm not having children, let’s start there.

Did you ever go through a phase where you thought guys in bands were ‘hot?’ Sure.

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? All of it.

Did your parents teach you proper table manners when you were growing up? Yeah.

What was the last thing you baked? Cookies.

Do you live more than 5 hours away from the nearest international border? If you drove, yes, it would take just a hair over 5 hours to get to the closest point of Canada from Chicago.

Does your town have a farmer’s market? Several.

What’s the westernmost point you’ve been to? Wendover, Nevada.

What was the last restaurant you made a reservation at? Eris, though technically it was my friend who made it.

When did you last feel lonely? I haven’t really felt lonely in a long time. Or at least, what I would call lonely. I’ve felt like pieces of me were missing when missing my long distance friends, but I wouldn’t say that’s “lonely.”

Can you easily tell when others are masking their true emotions? Sure, sometimes.

How often do you wash your car? At a car wash? RARELY. I can’t even tell you the last time I did. It feels silly getting a car wash when your car is like 30% rust lol. But I clean out the inside at least once a month. As clean as I can get it lol.

When did you last lend money to a friend? I don’t do that; if anything I’ll buy my friend food or something if they can’t pay.

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? Uhhhhhhh I have push notifications off on the apps I’d get the most notifications on lol. If I had tik tok notification on for “likes” on comments I leave, my phone wouldn’t shut up. I looked the other day at my notifications on that app and I had like 1300 something likes yikes.

Do you own a Dutch oven? If so, what was the last thing you cooked in it? Nope.

What is currently on your kitchen table? We don’t have a kitchen table.

What is your favorite time period in history to learn about? I loved learning about Native American history.

How old were you when you met your current best friend? I was 13/14 when I met Sarah and Randal, 21 when I met Mark, and 23/24 when I met Ellen.

Have you ever kissed a smoker? Yes.

What is the minimum age to obtain a driver’s license in your state/country? Do you think this is an appropriate age? 16. It’s fine, I don’t care one way or the other.

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? Yes.

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace? I don’t know.

Do you own any home automation gadgets like wifi thermostats or wifi bulbs? We have Alexa outlets.

What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? Reading for fun again.

How old were you when you started to seriously think about what career path you wanted to pursue? I’ll let you know.

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it? Uh huh.

Would you rather read a book, or listen to the audiobook? Audio plz.

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? YESSSSSS I don’t have to work for TWO WEEKS after todaaaayyyyy

#surveys

[justmybookthots]

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries

4/5 stars

I finally found it! A book with a portrayal of fae that I liked almost as much as Holly Black’s!

Of course, that’s because Heather Fawcett’s depiction of fae is strikingly redolent of Holly’s. I could even dub them to be in the same universe and they would fit somehow. It is clear by now I only like a specific kind of fae (this is my personal preference)—the fairytale-esque / folklore version. I hate Gild or ACoTAR’s portrayal of fae; I do not see fae EVER as... macho men. The mere thought makes me gag. I will take Cardan’s goat tail over big, manly ‘alpha’ men that are also so-called 'fae', tyvm.

Sorry, I digress. But not entirely, because well, this book I’m reviewing, if the title isn’t obvious enough, is about fae. The way fae is categorised goes like this (I’m writing this down so that when the next book arrives next year, I still fucking remember):

Human-sized / big fae are called The Tall Ones or Courtly Fae. Tiny ones are called the Common Fae, further sub-categorised into Brownies (they strike bargains with mortals often) or Trooping Fae (they travel in troops and keep to themselves). 

One of my standout (if not my favourite) characters is Poe, who is a Brownie. OMG, he is so adorable with his sharp needle-fingers and his love for cooking. Also, that little thing makes fucking delicious bread, which is my absolute favourite thing to eat in the world. My heart broke for him when his tree got burnt, but yay that Wendell Bambleby fixed it for him!!! 

How is Poe not adorable? I heard from the reviews (LUCKY ASSES WHO GOT ARCS) that the next book will feature him again (and his lady), and I am so excited to read it.

Moving on from Poe, I’ll address a character much more important to the story: Wendell. I have to say that because everyone was saying the romance subplot is very small, I took it to mean that I would not see Wendell much, but I was wrong. Wendell is in the story most of the time. And while I can’t say I’m in love with him (the romance was too sudden IMO), I do love him very much. He’s hilarious. An absolute riot. I mean, just look at this part in his POV (do be mindful of spoilers in this snippet):

This man is clinically insane, lmao.

Random side-note: him having blonde hair is delicious. I just love blonde male characters. He is, quite literally, a ray of sunshine compared to Emily’s grumpiness. I usually absolutely despise the grumpy/sunshine trope because the man is almost always the fucking grump. But when it’s reversed? Utterly delightful. How can I not love a male character who is actually emotionally intelligent? Who on earth wrote into the romance fiction codex that an attractive male lead must have the emotional intelligence of a toothpick (Coughs at Love Hypothesis, coughs at Love on the Brain, cough cough cough)? Who???

Anyways.

This book surprised me in many ways, not just with Wendell. It’s dubbed as ‘cosy fantasy’ and many people complain that nothing really happens, so I was kind of bracing myself for a snoozefest.

Um, I was wrong.

I'm confused that this is what we consider cosy fantasy (I truthfully know next to nothing of this genre)? But… There is so much adventure and action that happens here. If anything, the stakes in this story feel higher / more engaging than in An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson, which I strongly disliked (even though I enjoyed some of its portrayal of fae). While the beginning was a bit rough, I was utterly hooked about a third into Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia. 

I was also A FOOL, because I read this thinking the next book was already out. T_T But no, it only comes out NEXT YEAR. Why are all the books I’m desperate for coming out next year? Okay, just two books including this, but whatever. 

One more thing to add before I close this entry: why do some people dislike Emily??? She was reserved, yes, but her kind heart really shone through her actions, especially in comparison to Wendell's indifference. She’s one of the many characters I adored in this book. In fact, I loved almost everyone in the cast; I was prepared to dislike Auds, the village headswoman, but I loved her in the end. It was lovely how the villagers rallied to support Emily later on, and also—I can't forget dear old Shadow!! Bless that baby.

Suffice to say, I will be sitting here, waiting for the next book very, very patiently.

- 11 Aug 2023

#booktok #book review #Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries #fantasy books #heather fawcett

[perexcri]

Perexcri, my beloved perexcri, it’s time to talk about aftry…

So first off i’m just gonna say i absolutely LOVE when authors and artists use light as a metaphor. Idk why but it always hits me so hard. This is probably the most obvious thing ever so i’m sure this is no grounbreaking observation but I took the light vs shadows metaphor as a stand in for depression. The voices that whisper to you that nothing but bad is coming for you but the light of hope that breaks through when you can share things with those you care about perfectly sums up how i personally feel when mine flares up bad. It was haunting, thoughtful and beautiful

As for the story itself, while yeah the action of thaba might have been missing here i definitely feel aftry was more of a ride. I love a good action piece as much as the next person but i also love the more character study driven stories like aftry just as much, probably a little more so because i tend to be a pretty emotional person in general so stories like these tend to get me a little more. The way relationships are explored here was also truly special. Getting to grow with them with all their ups and downs was so fun

As a musician i am always looking for new inspiration and you definitely provided! I wrote two pieces based on byler fics I absolutely loved and i think i feel one coming on for this one! I’ll keep you updated!

As always lovely i thank you so much for your gifts and sharing your stories with us! They are such a bright spot on my shittiest days and i appreciate you so much! Wishing you gentle days and nothing but love and light 💜💙💚

Jon i need you to know i read this message and couldn't stop smiling, so thank you for that :]

now *cracks knuckles* onto my beloved aftry. again, i cannot thank you enough for reading it. tbh, if i was forced to delete all but one of my fics from ao3, this is the one i would keep up. which is all to say it makes me overwhelmingly happy when people read it :')

ahhh yes, the depression metaphor!! listen, i am also a sucker for light metaphors. it's such a simple one but always so lovely to draw out and think about.

and now it's time for me to be personal on main, though i know i wrote about some of this in the author's notes in some of the chapters in aftry. basically i felt horrible when i wrote most of aftry; all of the first three parts and a few sections of the fourth part were all written in the span of about 3 weeks, but leading up to those weeks, during those weeks, and for several weeks afterwards, i felt horrible, but i couldn't really place what was wrong. i'd actually started feeling that way around posting the last ~10 chapters of thaba, and it just got worse and worse. in a weird way, i couldn't articulate what i was feeling to myself, but what i ended up writing (especially with Will's own thoughts and emotions) were very much what i was going through at the time. it's like i couldn't see how much pain i was in until i'd written 70k words of the fic, and even at that, i still couldn't really understand? it wasn't until i took some steps in my own life to get better that i was able to start looking back and realize how much pain i was going through

so, here's a fun easter egg for you: this actually kinda shows up in the story itself! i had originally intended for Will's interaction with the mindflayer-esque shadows to give him prophetic visions or something of the like, but by the time i got around to writing that third part where they're kids, i started describing the shadows in a way that i would typically reserve for mental health matters, and i genuinely couldn't get myself to stop no matter how much i wanted to go with the prophetic visions route. so, i think there's a conversation between those two in one of the earlier chapters where Will asks about an uncle who tried to kill the king? yeah, that's what was originally gonna happen: Will was gonna predict the uncle's betrayal, and then the king would exile him for treason or whatever. i had already changed the story by the time i posted that chapter, but i was so miserable that i couldn't think of a way to change it and just kept it lol

wow okay!! sorry for the rambles about light and dark and depression lol. onto the next things!

i'll just be straight up with you: nothing makes me happier than hearing you say aftry was more of a ride than thaba because of its emotional ups and downs. it's like i beat myself in a competition or something lol. but seriously, i'm glad you enjoyed it!! i am also a huge fan of character-driven stories and emotional studies of our dearly beloved blorbos. i'll take a story where nothing but a conversation or thinking happens for 20k words over an action-packed 5k words

and this is a small thing, but i like that you said you enjoyed growing together with them, because that ended up being such a big theme of this fic for me: growth. i wanted a story that was really emotionally messy and showed both of them failing and having to try and reconcile their differences, and i'm really proud of the end product and how it incorporated those things :D

also i know you're super talented musically, and if you write a piece for aftry, i think i'll be forced to retire from writing tbh. like that would be the peak for me. but seriously, no pressure whatsoever to do so!! it does make me happy when something i've made inspires other people to make things, though, mostly because i think the world is a better place when people are making things they care about :D

which is a really circular way of saying create if you so desire, but if you end up not wanting to, no worries at all!! i expect nothing and this ask alone is enough to have made me feel the happiness of a cat happy-rolling in a patch of sunlight on the floor

and how am i supposed to top your ending paragraph :') you're always so sweet and nice, and are a genuinely bright spot in this fandom. i know i appreciate your presence because i know you're a positive force in a world where it's very easy to not be so. i'm grateful for these little interactions via shared blorbo brainrot (lol) and for everything that is to come! i wish you flowers and light :] 💐

#ask #sorry for the word vomit Jon lol #a flower that resembles you #unhinged communist knight #guilt ridden flower boy

[mejomonster]

Chapter 140 is serious and hurting my heart sure. A lot. I'm scared cause I've seen a Tao ran spoiler so let's not talk about that.

On the lighter side of things, I do Love that hey. In canon? Luo Wenzhou actually calls himself "Dad" with fei du. They really went for a whole daddy scolding/caretaking kink together lol. Also I find it very soft that Luo Wenzhou holds fei dus hand for support. I haven't read many danmei so I don't know how often physical affection tends to be in them, I'm obviously only able to compare to Shows which even when explicit BL (like Thai shows) have often been reserved (with some exceptions recently). And like. It strikes me how naturally Luo wenzhou and fei du actually touch. They Are established relationship now, so it makes sense they'd gradually have gotten comfortable touching, but it's really just Present in the writing in a way that I feel like constant just familiarity touch to connect isn't always. I appreciate it.

Luo Wenzhou was silent too long. Fei Du lifted his chin and looked him over for a moment. “What’s wrong?”

 

Luo Wenzhou looked up at him and let his mind wander a little, thinking that Fei Du was unlike any other person he knew.

 

The young and artless were like clear plastic bottles; you could see at a glance whether there was juice or coke inside. The older ones with deeper thoughts meanwhile were like frosted glass bottles, most with dark liquid in them; without opening them up and smelling, it was hard to determine whether it was soy sauce or vinegar.

 

But Fei Du was neither. He was more like a kaleidoscope with a thousand linked-together little pieces of glass inside it, all placed at different angles; the light going through was refracted countless times. There was no way to trace it.

 

Even though he was squeezing this person’s hand, could touch every bit of his body without restraint, he still often didn’t know what Fei Du was thinking.

 

In all of Luo Wenzhou’s life, of all the individuals he had met who gave him headaches, Fei Du came out on top—both during the time they’d been mutually displeasing to each other, fighting as soon as they met, and now, when he wished he could hold him in his mouth, carry him over his head.

 

If a year ago someone had said to him that at the end of this year, he’d be this isolated and cut off from help in a world of ice and snow, only finding temporary comfort in holding Fei Du’s wrist, he definitely would have thought that a fuse had burned out in that person’s brain.

 

“It’s nothing.” Luo Wenzhou shook his head and smiled wryly. “Just feeling the grimness of an early midlife crisis.”

 

Fei Du blinked, then suddenly drew close to his ear with an evil smile. “What, shixiong, do you feel your abilities are unequal to your ambitions? Why didn’t you say so earlier? I’ll look after you.”

 

Luo Wenzhou: “…”

 

Then he pulled himself together and squeezed Fei Du’s waist. “Are you looking for trouble again? I haven’t settled the account with you yet after you were just playing around touching people’s hands.”

 

Fei Du’s eyes wouldn’t open fully. His gaze came languidly from between his eyelashes. He licked the corner of his mouth. “Oh? How do you want to settle this account?”

 

Luo Wenzhou didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Darling, Dad’s already very sick at heart. Don’t do your little bit to help me on my way to my heart attack.”

 

Hearing that he could talk back, Fei Du slowly sat up straight and returned to the main subject. “What are you worried about?”

 

Luo Wenzhou let out a breath, his smile dimming. “Do you know what feeling this gives me?”

 

“Yes. Kong Weichen’s connection to Director Zhang and him calling him beforehand are both too easy to investigate and too obvious, like someone’s arranged the evidence,” Fei Du answered without so much as looking up. “Your own people suspecting each other, the critical witness dead without giving evidence, pieces of evidence appearing one after another in sequence—you’re thinking that this is too much like the miscarriage of justice fourteen years ago, just as though history were repeating.”

#silent reading #lb