#Without either of us crying

[a-s-levynn]

(source)

#sleep token #here is a thing #there are certain moments when Vessel looks.. no he rather feels.. small #i mean his.. aura? presence? but not in the non-captivating way but as in an emotionally vulnerable way #i don't really have the words to describe this but just like on this picture #bear with me for a minute because this is either gonna sound completely unhinged or make some sort of sense #it's probably just me having a little more time on my hand than i should and just want to see things but.. #sometimes he feels so present in a here-i-am as-i-am take-me-as-you-will this-is-all-i-am i-can't-give-more-nor-less it's-just-me sorta way #he feels so human in the rawest sense possible and yet so deep in character maybe even more so than when he creatures or teefs and all #like.. he is just vessel in it's simplicity and without the 'divine' if you will.. simply just vessel #in his barest of existance #a shadow of someone who used to be but not quite anymore #he is in pieces and it is willingly laid bare under the mask and all that bodypaint oh so clear to see for anyone #and that is not the outstreched hand of you-are-not-alone but the outstreched soul that cries you-can-find-yourself-in-me #and that is what i find so heartbreaking about him #this kind if raw openness because the lore says vessel is a conduit for sleep #for us vessel (and the the others) is the conduit of our emotions #and he is there somewhere inbetween the truths #just him a simple human being who sometimes seems to wish not to be human which makes him more human than anything #and that is what i can't describe better than 'sometimes he feels small' and at time even maybe makes me cry a little

[yikes-ajax]

Thinking about how deranged this thanksgiving was.

I hit a kid with my cane. I popped so many painkillers. I hit a kid with my cane again. I went black Friday shopping and came back only with things that weren't on sale. I hit that kid with my cane so hard in the shin he's gonna need a cane, too. I had a religious crisis. I threw my cane at that kid in the passenger seat because he said I don't need handicap parking. Some dude dressed in a really nice santa costume was just standing at the end of his driveway waving at cars and I barked violently at him. I fucking punched that kid. I spent more money on a dog than my family. I still bought that kid ice cream because I hate him but I hate the company I took the money from more. At some point I just fell asleep under the dinner table. I played Minecraft with that kid and he's a fucking loser. I had a whole therapy session in the car trauma dumping for the two hour drive home. I'm going to ruin that kids life I'm just too tired right now. It's been days and I still feel hungover. I didn't even drink.

Needless to say I think the spirit of doctor House possessed me for thanksgiving. Either way 10/10 would do again and Christmas is either gonna put me in jail or back on Lexapro

#GUYS DONT THINK I WAS JUST ATTACKING THAT KID FOR NO REASON HE KEPT KICKING MY CANE OUT FROM UNDER ME AND BEING A BITCH #also hes not a kid hes a teenager and he plays football he can take some hits #anyways ive never had a thanksgiving this wild #there wasnt any family drama either??? #it was just all me im the problem here and i enjoy it massively #hahah im not okay yall 🤠 #my nana tucked me into bed like i was still a little kid though and i just wanted to cry right there on spot #i feel so blessed 😊😊😊 *explosions in background* #WAIT FOR THAT KID TO CATCH ME WITH MY CRUTCHES I NEARLY KILL PEOPLE WHILE USING THEM WITHOUT TRYING WAIT UNTIL IM ACTUALLY BLOODTHIRSTY #hmbmbngg i am. calm and......... collected #i must say it again i shouldnt be allowed to post past midnight #send help #shitpost #shitposting #thanksgiving #dr house #dr greg house #dr gregory house #hate crimes md

[dreamcast-official]

genuine question am i just a bitch for being upset over something .

#my mom decided to open some of my dads batman figurines. figurines dad never got to open. #theyve been unopened on a shelf since dad died. i THOUGHT we agreed to leave them unopened. #apparently not! because the second my niece decides she wants to play with them (THEY ARENT TOYS BTW) she just. opens two of them. #without even asking me. she wouldve pressured me into saying yes either way so i guess it doesnt matter but. #im. am i just a bitch for not wanting my four year old playing with my dads stuff. especially stuff he never even got to open himself. #am i genuinely just being an ass because seeing that made me want to cry. #i dont care that she put them back in the box SHE DIDNT EVEN ASK ME. #THAT WAS *MY DADS* STUFF. I SHOULD AT LEAST BE ASKED RIGHT? AM I CRAZY. #it wasnt mine but it wasnt hers either. its dads. its his. we shouldnt be messing with it. any of us. no one should be messing with it. #we should leave it alone. its not ours. and its definitely not ours to give to a TODDLER who might BREAK IT. #NOT TO MENTION SHE COULD HURT HERSELF IF THOSE THINGS BROKE. #idk. i. im really shaken up. maybe im just a bitch.

[greencarnation]

no i'm emotional because when i was i was 12 i loved percy jackson so so much and directly because of that i met my partner, and when i was 12 percy was also 12 and he met his annabeth. and now i'm 17 and i'm applying for university and so is my partner and so are percy and annabeth because we literally fucking grew up together bro. we. we fucking grew up together at the same time and we all made it bro we all fucking made it

#bit cringe that the foundation of our relationship was percy fucking jackson but idc #we're cute and you WISH you were us #sorry for being cringe on main. im emotional #we all made it #i love my partner btw #percy to my annabeth #love of my life #luckiest guy on the planet fr fr #ok i say partner but. ex or situationship or horribly codependent insane time loop. take ur fucking pick #<- for the mutuals who listen to me cry abt him #either way the longest and most important relationship of my life and id be dead 1000 times without him #hes the coolest person ever and i love him so much #percy jackson #also i sort of compared myself to percy in the most but to be clear HES percy im annabeth

[lionblaze03-02-art]

the two cats i'm most obsessed with in my clangen save rn, Burnetpelt and Bouncemurk. They have a terrible relationship with one another but hey at least I love them both

#for context; Bouncemurk was appointed deputy without mentoring anyone #then given one of burnetpelts kits as a make up apprentice #who dies on her first patrol in the jaws of a wild dog. so. #yeah burnet blames bounce for that. fully. as the cat appointed deputy she DEFINITELY shouldve fucking known. not to send a baby into battl #even though its more complicated than that they were on a patrol and it showed up. what was she gonna do as the deputy? NOT lead it away? #try to fight it off? #a damned either way situation but the point is. burnet is the new deputy because hes the only man whos mentored anyone who made it #and bounce was demoted. took the immediate slaughter of her apprentice as a sign from starclan she was the VERY WRONG CHOICE #thus the. quote. she wasnt meant to be anything at all. not a deputy. not a mentor. not respected. no ones friend. #an internal realization. hot tears that she curses herself for letting fall. she doesnt DESERVE to cry. its HER fault. #HJJGGGGHGH I love her sm. shes super young shes like 2 years old tops she never shouldve been placed in this situation #this whole clan is fucked actually. Bitterclan is very interesting I like them enough to actually use them perhaps #warriors #warrior cats #clangen #warrior cats oc #digital art #lineless #colored sketch #btw burnets kits are secretly 'not' his kits. the mom was dying giving birth and he realized this (hes like. a midwife homebuilder type) #and spontaneously declared they were his #and he had been so scared and so nervous but seeing them now; oh theyre so beautiful. he cant wait to be a father... #and their eyes meet and hers look worried. like are you sure? and his are full of so much love and reassurance #and from then on those kits are his. his kits. as far as everyone else alive is concerned theyre biologically his kits. including them #NO ONE knows. and they wont. theyre his. what good would it do?

[vigilantejustice]

do we think this means one week or two weeks? like. week of jan 8th and also week of jan 15th or is it jan 8th — jan 15th

#ya girl is spiraling :-) #also considering sending an email just to restate my interest and open a line of dialogue should they have any q’s regarding my application #like the way i’m much older than probably most applicants and also the huge gap in my resume #and would hate to just be passive about it #like just let it pass by without giving myself every chance #but don’t know if that would be super weird #surely it can’t hurt right? like they either don’t want me #do want me or were a little concerned #so i figure sending an email and being proactive can’t negatively sway it #like if they do want me this won’t look bad and if they don’t this won’t change that but if they were unsure this could swing it my way #i really could use this win #it’s not even about actually getting the position #which i’m desperate for #i just need the win of at least getting an interview #anyways. life is great everything is great definitely did not cry at the doctor’s office for literally no reason yesterday #personal

[dutybcrne]

Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-

#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED #//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings #//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued #//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still #keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc #//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier #//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces #//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all #//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states #//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly #suicide mention tw #//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it #//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass #//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill #if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc) #into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him #//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being #the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them #//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment #//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself #//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it) #//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart #//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it #//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him #//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities #//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption #//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them #//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao

[frecklystars]

i need ken to squeeze all of the sadness out of me. or til my spine snaps in half. whichever comes first. he hugs me super tight and lets me wear his sweater while I cry into his chest. he says something stupid in attempts to make me laugh. it works a little. we watch cartoons and he keeps his arms around me the whole time. i am smothered in plushies. plushies don’t normally cheer me up but he thinks they’re helpful so who am I to deny my boyfriend of piling 50 plushies around us like we are in a fortress made out of stuffed animals, mainly consisting of horses and those little palm pal ponies

Six is ready with hair ties on his wrist 24/7 to hold my hair back if I’m vomiting during a flashback. he knows all about c-ptsd and nightmares and flashbacks. he’s lived through it all. he gets it. he spoons me even if I can’t sleep we just lay there and he promises nothing is gonna come and hurt me anymore, and even if something did try to get me, he’d stop it before it even comes close to me. his shoelace is tied to the door so he’ll jolt awake if someone tries to come in. he tells me stories about when he and his brother were kids; the good times, even if there weren’t that many, there are some good memories. his voice is a nice distraction, there’s a certain grit to it, especially when he’s so tired.

driver isn’t a man of words but he would leave little doodles in my sketchbook like “me and you” and it’s two stick figures holding hands. he writes “I love you” on a post it note and sticks it on a styrofoam box with an extra slice of apple pie on the counter. he tells Shannon I’m having a bad time so Shannon goes out of his way to give me extra hugs every time we stop by the garage. we go for a drive and he turns the music up because he knows how loud the depressive thoughts can get. his hand holding mine the whole time. he doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say anything, but the look on his face when he glances at me to make sure I’m ok is worth a thousand words.

jacob hasn’t experienced ptsd but he’s experienced his fair share of loneliness and possibly depression. he is, in his own words, wildly unhappy and he’s bought so many things to try to make that loneliness go away. he distracts me by showing me all of his stupid things he’s wasted money on… such as calf pants (pants for your calves). that one makes me laugh. he makes us each an old fashioned so I can “loosen up” and in the middle of drinking he admits he doesn’t even like the taste all that much, he was just told that’s what he’s “supposed” to drink (like when Ryan said in an interview he doesn’t even enjoy the things he’s doing and saying and wearing. he’s only doing it because he thinks it makes him successful). either way he gets me to laugh and that was his ultimate goal. we ditch the drinks and just eat fruity pebbles straight out of the box at 2 in the morning

#vent #been lying facedown in bed crying for like 4 hours #this month has been so hard it’s like I cannot go three days without some sort of ptsd episode 😭 #i know why. but still #i am so unbearably lonely and half of my friends only talk to me if I draw them something #the second I’m not drawing it’s like.. conversation over. Keri has lost her usefulness #either I’m someone’s punching bag or their art machine I don’t seem to just be a Person #I’m tired #I’ve had the worst experience with friendships in the last year I just keep getting hurt constantly

[jrueships]

sauce and/or stef for bingo please!!

TWO FOR ONE!!! here's sauce <3333

and diggs!

#sauce would call u an L to ur face #and then u punch his in ear and he films himself crying at the medbay #diggs wouldnt try opening a water bottle for u and he wont ask for help opening his own either #he'll just struggle rlly badly then get upset and give up and take his anger out elsewhere #hes kinda pathetic but first he has this air of aloof superiority first #it's like a cat balancing on the tub watching u look like a wet rat and judging you #until his fascination with swiping at the faucet accidentally gets him falling into the tub with you #no fake smile for him bcs i think he would rather spontaneously combust than go a second without his opinion being heard #cough his yells and indirect tweets @ allen #NOT SAUCE GETTING AT LEAST EACH IN EVERY CATEGORY HELP #us meeting (parasocially) was Destiny. #It just rang all the right bells when i saw his 'im the best in the draft.' (picture of me looking cool) twit post #mirror mirror on the wall. whos the Coolest of them All 😎 #zero likes #ted tumbunity things #love this mental illness double whammy it“ #it's like getting diagnosed with narcissm and bpd

[martianbugsbunny]

Speaking of hair, does anybody have advice for maybe dyeing parts of it yourself? If there's a good way to put streaks of color in randomly just for the vibe does anybody have tricks or tips?

#might not do it bc my hair texture sucks as it is so I don't really have any to spare on products #I only bleached it once but I've dyed it a couple times #it's been years now tho bc it was just killing my hair #and I swear it's still recuperating #either that or my hair is just horrible by nature lol #but if I wanted to put some streaks of purple or blue or smthn in for funzies and I can't afford going to a salon to have them do it #idk how to go about that without just screwing it all up massively #and once again not having the emotional maturity to not cry myself to sleep nightly about a bad hairstyle #and are there any brands of hair dye you can get in the US that work decently without bleach bc that was the real killer #hair #hairstyle #hair dye #dyed hair #help

[moe-broey]

Boots :)

Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(

Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!

#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.' #final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like #'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :((((' #i was literally never either of those things. #they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.) #but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO #and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself. #seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like. #look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them. #AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear #and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes. #just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth #but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school. #time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 #nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool #literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍 #for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace. #i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes #'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't. #like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!! #<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA #anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny #and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later #i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language #til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly. #like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else. #UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO #also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this' #yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔 #my projects

[thebirdandhersong]

Besties I was SO brave today just gotta let you know that it was hard and I may have cried and I couldn't force down food but I was Brave about it with a capital B and I am so surprised that things turned out well

#friend's birthday party. mr knight was there. i did not know this beforehand #anne elliot i feel your pain i thought i was going to die or throw up or both #but HEY i made it through five hours without doing either #while also socializing chatting playing with the kids talking to the birthday boy laughing and singing! #it was only at the end that i talked to him. or rather it was the other way around #and it was different. not the way it was before but it was nice somehow not having to run upstairs every few hours #and cry and pray and cry some more #anyway all is well and God is good and some things are healing #which earlier on in the evening felt like they would never heal #i didnt die or throw up! and the party was the loveliest #we ended with evensong which is always suchhhhh a pleasure. i love my church family so much #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21 #anywho that is all. hard thing today. was braver than i ever thought i could or had to be. #day ended with us praising God at the top of our lungs. praise be to our Father

[spoopy-action-at-distance]

Dealing with your dead parent's financial mess sure is An Experience. It's 50% stress, 50% complex collaborative problem-solving, and 50% feeling like you're in the audience of a convoluted and absurd comedy skit that keeps throwing up punchline after punchline.

In six months, I went from someone who had a reasonably well-to-do parent who I was estranged from for the sake of my wellbeing, and whose inheritance I was thinking of refusing to spare myself the family infighting, to being the one who has to juggle several debtors, thousands of euros' worth of someone else's debts, several institutions who don't communicate with each other half the time, and the additional surprise paperwork generated by everyone else involved having signed themselves the fuck out of this mess. I wasn't prepared for how complicated the bureaucratic aftermath of a death would be on a good day, and I certainly wasn't prepared for the bureaucratic bog that is the death of someone whose main response to financial problems had apparently been "I'm not paying for that" for several years.

Thank heavens that debt isn't automatically inheritable in my country, and thank fuck there was nothing substantial to inherit there. At the moment I'm basically an unpaid case manager who will not become personally responsible for his case's liabilities as long as he does everything by the book. Also the book was written by someone who didn't quite realise that a case like this could happen. The standard assumption within the public system seems to be that an estate will have some debt and some funds, and likely end up on the black side of the ledger. No one tells you that sometimes you will get a bit of a clown car parade instead.

Someone suggested that once I'm done, I ought to write How To Deal With The Indebted Estate You Inherited When You're Fucking Broke And Everyone Else Has Fucked Off: The Authoritative Blog Post. I said that I doubt I have a comprehensive understanding of the issue. "You think someone does?" they countered. They work within public bureaucracy, so I'm inclined to believe they know what they're on about.

If I do write that blog post, it's gonna come with a soundtrack of a techno Can Can version of Offenbach's Orpheus in the Underworld, the musical staple of Very Stupid Drama of the Week Explained in a Tumblr Video, with the following caption: "for full immersive experience, imagine that the manic bass beat is a hammer swinging wildly in the immediate vicinity of your head. You're entirely fine because it hasn't hit you. Yet."

#parental death #this is me right now #I'm living a disconcerting stand-up skit that has so many layers that it has gone the full circle via unfunny to being funny again #this ride has an expiration date but until it arrives my choices are basically to keep dodging and to either cry or bitch or laugh about it #or sometimes when a friend asks for an update to make a dying whale noise and scare an old lady standing behind us in the checkout line #seriously people if you have a financially unstable parent and the option to legally renounce any and all inheritance is available to you #do give it some Grave and Careful Consideration even before they die #trying to protect family honour isn't worth it because NO ONE'S gonna come out of this kinda thing without looking like a bit of an idiot #and the clown car ride might sometimes be funny but it might also give you brand new stress-related diseases

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

Hello I have produced a LMK x TOH AU out of nowhere XD

Basically Mei's first time using the Samadhi Fire goes HORRIBLY wrong and rips a hole in reality the same time Luz's broken portal caved in, and the LMK characters got yeeted into their world.

MK gets to be a monkey demon, Mei gets dragon features, Red Son gets bull features, and everything on everyone's ends gets screwed up because nobody could've expected this.

#hee not gonna tag this until I have more but I love this idea because I keeo thinking about LMK and TOH characters interacting #and I love this thought #I want Willow and Sandy to vibe together #I want Red Son Luz and Gus to geek to each other #I want LBD and Belos to interact and either team up or wreck each other #I want Coven Guards to stop dead in their tracks when they see Wukong using powers without the circles and DECIMATING them all #I want MK and Luz's self-esteems to CRASH respectively and for them to find each other crying on the floor and find comfort in each other #I want Mei and Eda to WRECK the IDEA of laws themselves #I want Macaque and Hunter to someway somehow annoy the fuck out of each other #I NEED TO SEE THESE PEOPLE MEET AND DAMMIT I'M DOING IT #:333

[ventcode]

i think i am lonely. i really am lonely. a lonely loser. a really fucking lonely loser. i feel so isolated.

#alone in a house #my mothers at work and so is my stepdad #well. he just got home.. #either way. #alone in a house all day #thats mostly what happens #i get home from school. im alone until dark. #it should be different here #but i barely have friends here #ones who.. want me to hangout with them.. #they dont like me i dont think. #Axel i feel wants nothing to do with me #Finn and I only talk over text #Summer.. doesn't talk to me. We used to be best friends.. #They were my only friends #Without everyone else to talk to all day #im really fucking lonely #im crying #i really am crying #over this huh.. #useless. you truly are useless. pathetic. and lonely. #i have hobbies. i draw. i read. i can sing. i can sleep and dream. #i can do alot of things #but when i try to do those things #i dont.. know anymore. #i truly am nothing without this damn thing. arent i? #that makes me so.. pathetic. #a pathetic loser. who only spends time on his phone. like a loser. cause its the only thing i can even fucking rely on huh? #thats what everyone fucking tells me. i know. I KNOW. im tired of hearing it. im *trying* to get better. but nobody seems to believe me. #12/28

[mitchievousness]

I FINALLY FINISHED READING TGCF AND HOOOO MY DIANXIA I AM GOING FERAL OVER THESE MARRIED IDIOTS FKSJDFLJHFKDGG

#how did i manage to read 5 books in the span of two weeks while having classes you ask? by not sleeping of course ((-: #i rlly thought the fandom was just exaggerating when they make hc super flirty BUT I WAS SO WRONG #HUA CHENG HAS ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME WHEN ITS ABOUT HIS GEGE AND I SUPPORT HIM 100% #literally spent 800 years devoted to lie xian at his best and at his worst moments even tho lx didnt even recognize him im gonna fuckin cry #also as much as i love hc ngl that cave in mt tong'lu? kinda creepy there crimson rain sought flower... fx and mq were kinda valid there #aaaa i really wanted more resolution on the xianle trio's relationship ESPECIALLY the shit that happened in book4 but i guess #'i really wanted to be your f-f-f-f-friend' over a lava pit while fighting stupid plague mask is closure enough :') #OH YOU KNOW WHO DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH CLOSURE?! SHI QINGXUAN #MY BELOVED WINDMASTER AND GENDERFLUID GOD ICON #HOW DARE THEY JUST NOT SHOW US THE WHOLE HX/SQX RESOLUTION WTF!!!! #i've been fooled by the fandom hhhh i thought it was like canon or smthn considering how popular the ship was and when i read the book i wa #like wtf???? this is really messed up holy shit ???? it wasnt even either of their faults it was fucking swd bc he loved his brother but #ended up messing up hx's life like what??? sqx didnt even know abt it and then hx went and deceived them and now my heart is BROKEN #but then he returned his fan at the end so i???? just need some resolution PLEASE i need a 50kwords fix it fic RIGHT NOW #aaaa also yessss im so excited to be able to read fics now without the fear of being spoiled fhkshfks #next up im finally gonna read mo dao zu shi but maybe after like 2 weeks bc i need some time to fully bask in tgcf first hehe #THEN REN ZHA FANPAI ZIJIU XITONG #yes im gonna read all of mxtx's novel series in the wrong order oops sjhfkfghfj #tgcf read