#When I read those lines my heart broke into million pieces | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maximoffcarter · 1 month

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One step forward - Part 2.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot

Summary: Second part to 'One step forward'. If Alex was good at something, it was keeping her word and her promises, doing the best she could to not disappoint. But what happens when she leaves once again and she leaves Casey behind? Will she keep the promise?

A/n: So...I have to admit that I am very nervous about this second part, not sure if it's what people expected but I felt like it was a good storyline. I must warn you...there is angst. Maybe a little more than I expected. And this is long. I just couldn't stop writing. But here is second and last part of this one shot. I have to thank those who have read the first part and loved it, it really made me feel so good about posting🥹 And those who have sent requests that I'll be working on them over the weekend. If you have any more requests, please feel free to send them on my asks or my inbox, and I'll try my best to deliver. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

A/n 2: Also to clear things out a bit, I changed the story line a bit? Since it was never clear what Casey did, I brought back Mary Clark, and then I completely ignored the show Conviction😂 You’ll understand when you get there😉

Part 1.

*not my gif*

Casey had been asleep when she heard Alex talking on the phone with Hammond. She heard the crack on her voice as she asked Hammond for a few more days, saying that she’d be careful and it’d be like she had never been here again, but judging by Alex’s silence, she knew that Hammond had denied her request. It broke Casey’s heart to know that Alex would have to go back to Witness Protection, also go back to that life that Alex said she hated so much, she felt bad to know Alex would be alone once again and she wouldn’t have any way to communicate to anyone who knew her. She had already heard stories of the way she found out about her mom, how she had to go out with people around her in case something happened, she had become paranoid. And the worst part was, that Casey wouldn’t know where she was going, she wouldn’t have a way to find out because Hammond would just take her somewhere new once again, and it wasn’t like Casey could just leave with her, she had a job to return to, she knew Alex wouldn’t let her drop it just because of her. But to imagine her life without her? Now that was impossible.

Yes, maybe it was silly, maybe it was too soon, but Casey had to bury these feelings for years. She had already admitted to Alex that she had also seen her every now and then in court, or how she heard Branch talking about her or even had seen her on TV about an SVU case. But truth to be told, Casey had known her since college days. Who didn’t know about Alexandra Cabot? Top of her class, the favorite of the school, of course she knew about her. She had seen her so many times at the coffee shop she used to work in but was always shy to say anything, so she’d always ask someone else to take care of Alex’s table. Her silly crush was too much for her to handle, she had so much to do that she couldn’t get distracted with it. And then Charlie happened. That whole ordeal of being with him, of trying to fix something that was not in her hands, and then shutting down to almost everyone because of what she went through.

The moment she heard again about Alex, that silly little crush reappeared the moment she saw Alex in court. She was supposed to be preparing for her own court, but she had been curious to see Alex working, and boy did she not disappointed. She was not sure if she was entranced in the way Alex moved around the courtroom or the way her voice sounded so serious and defying at the same time, but when it came to the victim, it was so comforting and delicate. She had been 5 min late that day, and she cursed Alexandra Cabot for it, though she knew it had been her fault. And the day she heard about Alex dying? Her heart had broken into a million pieces, she had mourned a person she barely even knew, and the fact that Branch thought it was a good idea to have Casey replacing her, made her feel even sadder and a bit upset, because no one could replace Alex.

Thinking back on how both of them had so many chances to get to know each other, but the two of them were shy to even say a hello, made Casey figure out that life could change in an instant and most of the times life was not fair, but it could also give you second chances if you really looked at the bright side of it all. So she laid there in her bed, staring at Alex moving around her room talking on the phone and wishing she had more time with her. Alex’s words replayed in her mind as she looked at her; I cannot just come back, Casey. I don’t want you to wait for me. Even with Connors behind bars, they had no idea if Alex was out of danger and they couldn’t risk it, but they also didn’t know how much longer this could last.

“You’re awake.”

Casey looked up at Alex and offered a small smile. “I heard you on the phone.”

Alex sighed softly as she went back to bed, moving close to face Casey. She placed her hand on Casey’s cheek and stroked it softly. “I’m sorry, I should’ve taken the call in the living room.”

“It’s okay.” Casey smiled. “So…you have to go on Thursday, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Alex nodded softly as she bit her lip.

“You really can’t tell me where you’re going?”

Alex shook her head. “I don’t even know myself.”

Casey sighed softly as she nodded. “It’s for your own safety.” She whispered softly as she looked at Alex, trying to hold back her tears.

“I’ll memorize your number and he won’t know that I’m calling you.”

“Alex.”

“No.” Alex snapped as she took a deep breath. “They can’t take more away from me. Not you. Not when I just got you.” She whispered softly as she rested her forehead against Casey’s.

“We cannot risk this. Hammond would kill me.” Casey huffed a chuckle.

“Over my dead body.” Alex grinned.

Casey scrunched her nose and shook her head. “Not a good joke, Cabot.”

Alex chuckled softly as she kissed her nose. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Casey sighed. “I just wish we had more time.”

“Me too.” Alex smiled. “Hopefully this ends soon.”

Casey nodded. “Hopefully.” She sighed softly. “Okay. We’ll have schedules so he doesn’t know you’re calling me. We need to be safe with all this.”

“We will.” Alex smiled. “I just want to at least be able to hear you once a day.”

Casey felt her eyes watering again, nodding softly. “Me too.”

Alex sighed as she leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “It’ll get better.” She whispered against her lips. “I’ll come back.”

“You better.” Casey smiled sadly, placing her hands on Alex’s waist to pull her closer to her, kissing her lips softly.

********************

Casey was biting on her pen as she tried to focus on the file she had in front of her, but her eyes kept going back to her clock, staring at it as if that was going to make time go faster. Alex was supposed to call her 30 min ago and she hadn’t heard anything from her since the day before. They had a night call since Casey had been busy all day between arraignments and trial and Alex knew that if Casey didn’t answer the first time, it was because she was busy in court or with the squad, so the next chance was at night, which it was both their favorite times to talk. But today, Casey had been in her office all day long, so of course time felt longer since she had been sitting there for hours, and Alex was nowhere to be found and she couldn’t risk calling her. She sighed as she dropped her pen for the third time, rubbing her face as she felt the stress taking over her.

The moment the phone rang, her hand flew to grab it, almost spilling the, still full, coffee that she had just beside the phone, only to groan as she heard Elliot’s voice in the other line. She hadn’t noticed that Olivia was just walking into her office, snapping to Elliot that she couldn’t get a warrant unless they had a good reason for it, and she was not about to risk having trouble with Petrovsky just for a gut feeling and no valid reason. She hung up and her face went back to her hands, completely ignoring the fact that Olivia had walked into the office and now stood right in front of her.

“Tough day?”

Casey looked up at Olivia, a hint of fear in her eyes but relaxing as soon as she saw the woman. “You could say that.” She sighed. “Thought you’d be with Elliot.”

“Ah, no. Fin is with him, I’m here to try to convince you of getting the warrant.” Olivia grinned as she sat down.

Casey scoffed. “Guess you heard what I just told Elliot.” She grinned as she looked at her.

“Casey, are you okay?” Olivia said softly as she tilted her head.

Casey shrugged. “Why would you ask?”

“I’m not trying to be mean or anything but…you look a bit distracted today and more stressed than normal.”

“Just a lot of paperwork and reading to prepare for trial.”

Olivia hummed. “So, has nothing to do with something else.”

Casey shrugged as she shook her head. “Not really.”

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that Alex hasn’t called?”

Casey felt her heart stopping for a moment as she stared at Olivia. She looked at her as if she had just discovered her biggest secret, which technically, it was sort of a big secret since the whole squad swore that Alex had left that same day when she won the case, and Casey never mentioned a thing about Alex staying in her apartment for 3 days, or anything about what happened between them. So Olivia suddenly mentioning her made her feel a bit terrified because somehow, she knew that either Branch, Cragen or Olivia would be the first ones to know if anything happened to Alex.

“Why would you ask that?” Casey’s voice lowered, almost cracking as she felt her throat going dry.

“I heard you the other day.” Olivia offered a small smile. “I didn’t mean to hear anything but…you left your door a bit open, and I happened to hear you saying Alex’s name. And then, 2 days ago, you excused yourself at the precinct and when I went to find you, you mentioned her again. Unless you’re holding out on me and met another Alex, I like to think that you’re referring to Alex Cabot.”

Casey sighed as she looked down at her hands that had now come together, fidgeting with her fingers. “Yes, it is Alex Cabot.”

Olivia nodded. “Care to tell me what’s going on?” Casey looked back at her with a hint of doubt. Olivia smiled. “C’mon, Case. I did hide for a whole year that Alex was actually alive.”

Casey huffed a chuckle and nodded. “Right.” She sighed softly. “Alex…we had our moments…when she came back to replace me. The day she left…she actually went back to my apartment. She stayed with me, for 3 days.”

Olivia raised her brows. “So, you two are-“

“Not that we had time to disclose what we were but…” Casey nodded. “Something happened between us. But she had to leave.”

Olivia nodded. “And you have no idea where she is.”

Casey shook her head. “She calls me, we talk, but she doesn’t exactly disclose where she is or anything about her new identity. We just…keep each other company.”

Olivia smiled softly. “I knew those looks you two gave each other back when she first came back were not nothing.”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah well, it took us a while.”

“Certainly.” Olivia chuckled, but then her smile faded a bit. “You don’t have any idea when this will be over, do you?”

Casey shook her head as she looked away, feeling her eyes watering. “No.”

Olivia moved to the edge of the chair and leaned onto the desk to grab Casey’s trembling hands. “I’m sure she’ll be back, Casey.”

Casey hadn’t even noticed she had started trembling until she felt Olivia’s hand on hers. She looked back at her, a tear rolling down her cheek. “What if she doesn’t?”

Olivia sighed. “I’m sure she’ll let you know.”

“I’m afraid that she’ll regret everything that she said to me and that at the end…I’ll be here waiting and then she never comes back.” Casey bit her lip as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“If there’s one thing I admire from Alex, is that she keeps her word. And I’m sure as hell that whatever she said to you, she’ll keep it.”

Casey nodded softly as she smiled. “I sure hope so.”

********************

Casey laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling while her cellphone laid on her stomach. She didn’t know how long it had been since she’s been in this position, but one thing that she was sure of is that sleep was nowhere near to come. After finally giving up on work, she had decided to go to the batting cages for a while to distract her mind, it’s been a while since she had been there, so she knew it’d definitely keep her busy and it’d also make her feel at least a bit better. But then, coming back to her apartment made her feel down once again. She knew she couldn’t keep this going, it had been a full year already since Alex had left, since the daily calls started, but it was draining. There was a point where she got mad with herself because they had only spent 3 days together after confessing their feelings for each other, which if she really thought about it, they hadn’t actually talked about whatever was going on with them, they just made sure to show their love for each other without actually saying it.

But Casey knew…deep inside her, she knew. Since she saw Alex walking into her office, she knew that stupid little crush was back and stronger than ever. Those small moments they had together while preparing for trial, the stares, and small touches, it was impossible for Casey to not feel that way, she knew it was pretty obvious that she had heart eyes for Alex in every moment, which made it a bit harder to focus on her task but also knew that this case was important for everyone, so she had to put her best posture and keep going. And then, seeing Alex back had made her go back to those feelings; foolish girl thinking that she could get over it but then Alexandra Cabot dared to show up again and steal her heart one more time, and she wasn’t even mad about it. She knew it’d happen over and over again as long as Alex was present. Casey had no space for another person, and she didn’t want anyone else, she wanted Alex.

Her hand unconsciously went to her neck and grabbed onto the small diamond that rested against her neck. There were times when Casey wore nothing other than earrings and sometimes a simple necklace if she remembered to put it on, but the last night Alex had been there, she gave Casey the necklace that she was wearing. Casey had tried to tell her no, but Alex kept pushing her to keep it. Casey laughed softly at the memory, feeling tears rolling down her cheeks as she recalled that night.

“You know, I’ve worn that necklace more times than I can count.” Alex chuckled softly as she played with the small diamond, the necklace now on Casey’s neck. Her head resting against her hand as she looked down at Casey.

“Which is why you should keep it.” Casey smiled as she looked at Alex.

“It’s now yours.”

“You know, I’m pretty sure they’ll notice it’s not actually mine if you’ve used it so much. Plus, me wearing something so expensive? Please.” Casey grinned.

Alex rolled her eyes playfully as she grinned. “You’re so funny.”

“The best.” Casey chuckled.

Alex smiled softly as she looked at it and then looked at Casey. “It looks beautiful on you. And it’s my promise that I’ll come back.”

Casey felt her heart beating a bit faster at Alex’s words, smiling softly as her hand moved to lay on top of Alex’s, taking it away from the necklace and bringing it to her lips.

“Ms. Cabot…you’re too cheesy.” Casey smirked.

“You know what, I take it back.” Alex laughed along with Casey.

Casey bit her lip softly as she smiled. “I’ll hold you to that promise.”

Alex smiled and leaned down to kiss Casey’s lips.

Casey snapped out of her thoughts when she felt her cellphone vibrating in her stomach, rapidly grabbing it, and answering the call. “Hello?”

“Hello pretty girl.”

Casey smiled softly and sighed in relief. “Hi.”

Alex chuckled softly. “Did you have your phone in hand already? You answered pretty fast.”

“Well, I kinda have been waiting all day for a pretty blonde girl to call me, but never happened.”

Alex chuckled softly. “I’m sorry. I had some stuff to do.”

“Oh? Ms. Cabot had a busy day?”

“Believe it or not, I did. I went grocery shopping and if I happened to get the phone out, one of the guys would’ve told Hammond that I have a cellphone with me.”

Casey nodded. “Makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, I should’ve called earlier.”

“You know that I love when you call me at night.” Casey smiled softly. “Helps me sleep.”

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, a faint sigh could be heard. “Helps me sleep too. I somehow imagine you’re here.”

Casey grinned. “Cheesy.”

“Don’t even.” Alex laughed.

Casey sighed softly and stayed quiet for a moment. “Alex?”

“Yes?”

Casey bit her lip softly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Case.” Alex cleared her throat. “But uh, hey tell about your day! I’m sure the squad got on your nerves once again.”

Casey chuckled. “You wouldn’t even imagine.”

********************

Casey slammed the door behind her and threw her bag to the floor, not caring where it landed or if it hit something. Tears rolled down her face as she tried to calm her breathing. This was not happening. This was definitely not supposed to happen. She fell to the floor as she sobbed uncontrollably, her whole body feeling heavy and her chest feeling like it was about to explode. How could she let this happen? What was she supposed to do now? She kept hearing her phone vibrating in her bag, but she was in no condition to answer it, she didn’t want to talk to anyone, no matter who it was. This stupid system only showed that even when people tried to do the right thing, it was still not enough, and you’d get punished for it. A punishment for doing the right thing, but the bad guys got away with it no matter what. And now, she was suspended for 3 years. 3 years. For a stupid fucking brady violation.

And the person that she believed would have her back, was actually the person who stabbed her. Lost perspective? She didn’t. She just figured out that if she had the power to not let the bad guy win, then she’d do anything to do exactly that. But she didn’t think it through. She didn’t think of the consequences that could happen. She’s known people that had done this before, and they still have their license. Hell, she was so lucky that she had only been suspended and she still got to keep her license. She still stood by her words when she said that she didn’t want this job if justice wasn’t served, but maybe she meant it a little too much that now she was in this situation.

Life gave you second chances? Fuck that. She was naive to believe that. She got everything wrong. Either life hated her so much or things were just not meant to be. Not only had she lost the chance to do what she loved but she also lost the person she loved. Almost a year and a half since she last heard from Alex. She had simply stopped calling, she never said anything. Did Casey do something wrong? She didn’t know, but Alex had vanished once again and this time, she had no way of contacting her. What was she supposed to do? Call Hammond to ask? He’d kill both Alex and Casey if he knew they had been talking. But what if it was Alex who got tired of just calls? Maybe she had made the decision that it was better to just leave it there and not say anything to Casey.

But why would she do that? Why would she just leave Casey like that? What happened to the promises? To every one of their conversations? Had they meant nothing to Alex? Had Casey been a simple distraction for Alex until she found something else to do? Until she found someone new? Maybe that was it. Maybe her biggest fear came true, and Alex had finally figured out that after all, that promise was useless, and she’d never come back. Maybe she met someone, maybe she fell in love and figured out that having a new life wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Maybe she was already out of Witness Protection, and she had decided not to tell anyone because she had someone new in her life. But Casey was now sure that Alex was out of her life. She was gone. And there was nothing Casey could do, other than cry and mourn Alex once again even if she was not entirely gone. Now that she needed her the most, she was gone. She wanted nothing more than to find her, but what was the point in doing that? She’d only waste her time once again and she’d only get her heart completely shattered. Casey was alone. Completely alone.

********************

“What were you thinking? Did you really think we wouldn’t find out?”

Alex scoffed. “You didn’t for a whole year.” She snapped as she looked back at Hammond.

“We don’t know if you’re completely safe, Alex. What if someone tracked down the calls and came to you?”

“She didn’t know anything. She didn’t know where I was, we just talked. I needed someone to talk, I didn’t just want to be locked in the house again without doing shit or talking to anyone.” Alex shrugged as she shook her head. “Connors is in jail. I am not that important anymore for someone to want to kill me.”

“You still needed to be safe!”

“At what cost?! To have a normal life?! I have no life here! I was robbed! I lost everything!” Alex cried out as she yelled. “Do I need to remind you that I couldn’t even go to my mother’s funeral?! Only Olivia and Elliot knew I was alive, my whole family thought I was dead. I left after trial, I couldn’t even say goodbye to the people I cared about. You expected me to just go back and come back and lose that again? I was not going to let you take her away from me.” She felt her blood boiling as she spoke while tears rolled down her cheeks.

Hammond shook his head. “I’m sorry, but we cannot risk it.”

Alex laughed darkly. “Do you think I won’t try to contact her?”

“You won’t. Because you perfectly know that if you try, you’re also putting her at risk.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “I’m not.”

“Alex…you were a target after you tried to convict someone. Novak convicted Connors and went on to win the case. We don’t know if he had any other contacts, don’t you think that they’d also want to go after her? They tried to kill Antonio for a second time before he went to testify. Why would they stop?”

Alex looked away as she sobbed. She knew he was right. And she knew the risk of the calls, but this never crossed her mind. She was right, one way or another, there could be a possibility that not only was she at risk, but Casey could also be at risk and if they knew she was connected to Alex, they could take revenge or do anything to get Alex or to hurt her. Nothing had happened in a whole year, but Alex knew better than to be a fool and believe that it wouldn’t happen again.

“You cannot contact her again, Alex.”

Alex stayed quiet for a moment, looking back at him. “I know.” She then whispered, her chest feeling heavy as she knew it was now over, and there was nothing else she could do.

********************

“Are you sure I can’t come with you?” Casey looked at Alex as she finished dressing up.

Alex turned to look at Casey and offered a small smile. “I’ll be fine. I need to return the car and Hammond will meet me there. I don’t want you to come back alone.”

Casey bit her lip softly. “You know I didn’t mean that.”

Alex sighed softly as she walked back to the bed, sitting right in front of Casey and grabbing her hand. “They’re waiting for you to go back. You have a life here, Case.”

“I can just drop everything. They’ll find someone else.”

“Case.” Alex placed her other hand on Casey’s cheek, noticing her teary eyes. “I can’t let you do that.”

Casey looked down at her lap and closed her eyes to avoid the tears. “I know.” She whispered softly.

Alex moved a little closer until her knee met Casey’s. “It’ll be over before we know it. Maybe I’m able to come back before time, we never know.”

Casey nodded softly as she looked back at Alex. “I just wish we had more time together.”

“I do too.” Alex smiled and leaned in, kissing her lips softly. “I wish I hadn’t been a coward and I had talked to you before.”

“We were both cowards.” Casey chuckled softly.

“We’ll recover that time. Someday.” Alex smiled sadly as she kissed Casey’s forehead.

“This is not fair.” Casey whispered softly.

“I know, it isn’t.” Alex sighed.

Casey looked up at Alex as tears rolled down her tears. “Please, come back to me.”

Alex stared into green eyes and smiled softly. “I will.” She leaned in again to kiss her lips. “I’ll come back.” She whispered against her lips and kissed her again.

Alex opened her eyes as the subway came to a stop, she grabbed her bag and stood up to get off. She looked around for a bit, seeing that even if it was a bit late, the place was crowded, she thought that maybe they were going back home, or some were returning from their jobs. She remembered the times she took the subway to go back to her apartment, that apartment that she now didn’t recognize. It was her first week back in New York, and even if she was afraid to walk around the streets of New York alone, she needed to familiarize herself with the city again, if she decided to stay here after all. At first she didn’t know where to go, she just walked and walked until she chose to grab the subway. She had stopped by the courtroom, curious to see the place she spent most of her days in, she had even hoped to see familiar faces but that’d be too much to ask for. She even thought about stopping by the precinct and to another specific place but…she didn’t think it’d be a good idea.

She walked into a small bar that was a few blocks away from her apartment, sitting by the bar and asking about the usual drink that she always had after a tough case. It felt so familiar, yet so different. She hummed as the liquid hit her throat, missing the taste of it since all she ever had back ‘home’ was either beer or tequila that she bought, she barely went to bars, she barely went out as it was. She finished her drink and asked for another, smiling at the bartender. As she was about to get her wallet out to open a tap, she looked at her right side and saw a figure sitting at the very end of the bar, her heart dropping for a moment as she recognized it. She recognized her. Just in time the bartender placed the drink in front of her, she looked at him and asked if she could cover the drinks of the person at the end of the bar. She gave him her card and smiled before she got up and grabbed her drink. She could finish her drink and run out of the bar, and never look back again, but she couldn’t do that again, she could run away when she was just back. When this was her chance.

Was this even a good idea? What if she really didn’t want to see her or talk to her? Alex was 100% sure that Casey hated her at this point. She never called again, not even a message, but she had her reasons and she hoped that Casey would want to listen to her. She stood there by her chair, drinking her drink, and smiling softly as she studied Casey’s face. She had matured so much, her hair was back to its natural color, but she still looked as beautiful as ever. But there was also something that had changed; she looked…sad, exhausted, that light in her eyes that she loved was now gone. Was this her fault? There could be other reasons for sure, but Alex could be a reason behind this, and she hated herself so much for it. She noticed the bartender taking the drink to Casey and explaining that her tab was now covered. Casey looked up to try to find the person and that was Alex’s cue to walk to Casey; it was now or never. Casey’s eyes finally fell on Alex, she noticed the surprise and confusion in her face, maybe a hint of anger. Alex offered a small smile as she sat beside Casey, placing her drink beside Casey’s.

“Thought you could use a drink.” Alex smiled.

Casey stayed serious and quiet for a moment, confusion washing over her face as she looked at Alex, her eyes studying Alex. “Is it really you?” She whispered almost to herself.

Alex’s heart broke at her words, nodding softly. “It is me. I’m back.”

Casey took a deep breath and looked around the bar, almost as if she was looking for a camera or something as if this was a whole joke. She couldn’t get any words out when her eyes went back to Alex’s, she was speechless, her whole body trembling. She was confused, that’s all she could figure out. She felt anger, happiness, sadness, everything at once, but the only way she could describe it at the moment was that she was completely confused. Alex’s heart broke a little at the sight of Casey, maybe this wasn’t the right way to do it, she could’ve called first and not just show up like this, that in her defense, she didn’t know she was going to find Casey in this bar, though she knew Casey’s place wasn’t too far away from here. She saw how Casey grabbed the drink and finished it all, groaning a bit as she placed the glass back in its place. Alex sighed softly as she dared to place her hand on Casey’s hand.

“Casey.”

“No.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “I know-“

“I cannot do this right now.” Casey shook her head as she cried out, staring at the empty glass.

“I can explain. Please, I-“

“Not here.” Casey looked back at Alex and bit her lip, getting up from the chair and taking her hand away from Alex’s. “I’ll meet you outside, I just…need a moment.” She grabbed her purse and left some dollars on the countertop, exiting the bar right after.

Alex sighed heavily as she looked at the bartender and asked to close the tab. She finished her drink and thanked the bartender, grabbing her card and putting it back on her purse, offering a small smile before she exited the bar too. She stood by the door for a moment as she saw Casey facing the street. She felt bad for doing this to her, she knew this had been a bad idea, but she couldn’t just leave the bar without saying anything. She slowly walked to her and extended her hand but put it back down as she stared at Casey. It had been clear that she hadn’t been comfortable with Alex touching her hand back in the bar so she would keep her distance.

“Casey?” Alex whispered softly.

Casey looked back at Alex, her eyes red and puffy. She sniffled and nodded softly. “Let’s uh…let’s go to my apartment.”

The whole way to Casey apartment, Alex tried to focus her eyes on Casey, trying not to be the paranoid person that she had become in the last few years, she knew they were safe, that she was safe, but she still couldn’t help but feel a bit scared as they walked. Alex had planned to go for a drink or two and then call a cab to take her home, but if Casey wanted to walk, they’d walk. As for Casey, her mind kept spinning around, not sure what she was really doing. She had never really planned what she’d do if Alex did come back at some point. Without Alex noticing, she kept looking down at her hands, trying to find a sign of a ring or something, but nothing was there, which made part of feel relieved by this, but she was also slapping herself in her mind for even looking for something. She was supposed to be mad, she wasn’t supposed to do this. She should’ve left her back at the bar, why would she even accept to talk to her? But god, she so wished she could just wrap her arms around Alex and hug her, she needed her hugs more than anything.

Once they got to Casey’s apartment, Casey closed the door behind her and sighed softly as she rested her head against the door, mostly preparing herself for whatever was coming. She turned to look at Alex, who only stood a few feet away from her, waiting for Casey to say anything or move, whatever she was going to do, Alex would literally follow. Casey couldn’t help but look up at her up and down; it’s like she had not changed at all, she looked just the same. Her hair had grown a bit more, she noticed she had made some layers which made her look so beautiful. Her glasses had changed, even her clothing had, which was so weird to see her in a pair of jeans and a leather jacket…but she looked beautiful. It made Casey feel a bit ashamed of her appearance, she knew that lately, she has not looked her best and it made her overthink a bit what Alex must be thinking about her, but she pushed back those thoughts. She looked away as she bit her lip, looking at her kitchen.

“Um…would you like to drink something? I have…some wine. Orange juice. Water.”

Alex cleared her throat as she shrugged. “Wine would be fine.”

Casey nodded softly as she went to the kitchen, putting her purse on her couch before she passed Alex, and opened her cabinets to find the wine, suddenly forgetting where she had placed it. Alex placed her purse on the couch just like Casey and followed after but stopped at the kitchen island, not being able to tear her eyes away from Casey. The place felt so familiar, she couldn’t help but smile as she looked around. Not much had changed, one or two things here and there, but still felt like Casey. She looked at Casey again when she placed a glass in front of her, pouring some wine for her. Casey poured herself some and then placed the bottle right beside it. They stared at each other for a moment, neither of them saying a word. Alex had so much to say but she was not sure if it was right for her to start talking or just let Casey do the talking for now, her anxiety slowly increasing as she could tell Casey was now more upset than confused. Or maybe sad? Alex couldn’t quiet tell.

“Wanna sit on the couch? So…we’re a bit more comfortable.”

Alex nodded. “Sure.”

They both headed to the couch with their glasses in hand. As they sat down, Alex took a small sip for courage and then placed the glass on the small table in front of her, Casey mimicking her actions. They once again stared at each other, Alex taking the chance to study Casey’s face again, smiling a bit as her eyes dropped to her neck, noticing the necklace she had given her still on her.

“You still have it.” Alex whispered as her eyes returned to Casey’s.

Casey looked down at the necklace and smiled softly. “I never really take it off.”

“Did they ever ask you about it?” Alex grinned a little.

Casey looked up at Alex and smiled a bit. “Munch and Huang noticed first. Olivia did too at some point. The others were oblivious.”

Alex chuckled slightly. “I figured those two would notice first.”

“You want it back?”

Alex furrowed her brows as she stared at Casey. “What?”

Casey shrugged. “I mean…you’re back. I thought maybe-“

“I told you it’s yours. It was…my promise that I’d come back.”

Casey nodded. “And you did.”

Alex smiled a little. “I did.” Casey bit her lip as she looked down at her hands, Alex couldn’t help but stare at her lips. “I always wanted to run my thumb over your lips so you wouldn’t bite it.” Alex paused as Casey looked back up. “And then kiss you.”

Casey felt her heartbeat raising a bit at the confession, her cheeks going slightly red. “It’s a thing I do. I don’t do it consciously.”

“I know that.” Alex smiled.

Casey looked back down at her hands and furrowed her brows. “Why…why did you stop calling?” She whispered softly.

Alex sighed as she looked away, trying to remember what she had practiced before. “Hammond found out.”

Casey shot her head up. “What?”

Alex nodded. “One of his guys…I didn’t notice he had walked into the house, and I was back in the patio, talking to you. He told Hammond that same day and he came to my house the next.” She shrugged. “We had a bit of a discussion.”

“Did he take away the phone?”

Alex shook her head as she looked back at Casey. “No.”

“Then why didn’t you call? Did you really just listened to him and decided it would be a good idea to not call me and not even let me know that you wouldn’t do it anymore?” Casey’s voice broke slightly as she felt her eyes getting teary. “You just stopped.”

“I couldn’t…I-“ Alex bit her lip softly as she looked down at her hands. “I didn’t want to listen to him. I was not going to. I was just going to agree and move on, but he knew. And he talked to me and…I had to listen.”

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t put you at risk, Casey.” Alex looked back up at her, a hint of fear in her eyes. “He told me that anyone could trace the calls if there was anyone out there. He didn’t want to tell me to not scare me, but they found someone that was related to Connors. You convicted him, what if he came after you?” She felt her lip trembling as she spoke and her eyes getting teary as she stared at Casey. “I couldn’t let them get to you, Casey. And he didn’t even tell me after days. But he told me I could put you at risk. I didn’t even care about me anymore, but I couldn’t let you get hurt. Not again.” She took a shaky breath. “I could still see you…with bruises. You barely being able to walk. I couldn’t let that happen to you again and me…not being here. Not being able to know if you were okay.”

Casey didn’t notice her tears already rolling down her cheeks, wanting to look away from Alex so badly but not being able to. “Alex.”

“Cragen told me you were okay. You were fully back to work and…you were safe.” Alex shrugged. “I just needed to make sure you were okay.” She whispered softly as she wiped away her tears.

“Alex…I could’ve taken care of myself. I could’ve told Olivia and Elliot, so they could’ve been alert if something happened. Olivia already knew that we were talking.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “What?”

Casey sighed. “She…she heard me once or twice and she didn’t say anything until one day she came to my office and asked me. I knew better than to lie to her, so I admitted it, but she never told anyone.” She shrugged. “I guess Cragen and Liv were good at keeping secrets, huh?” She smiled a bit.

Alex huffed a chuckle and nodded. “I guess so.”

Casey sobbed quietly as she looked down at her hands. “I needed you.” She whispered softly.

Alex tilted her head as she swallowed. “I know, honey. But I-“

“I’m suspended.”

Alex furrowed her brows. “What?”

Casey let out a shaky breath as she looked back at Alex. “Brady violation. I-“ she shook her head. “I tried to do the right thing and…everything ended differently than I expected. Judge was Petrovsky…defense was Donna…” she closed her eyes for a moment as she recalled the moment. “Donelly…said I lost perspective.”

“When did that happen?”

“Over 6 months ago.” Casey shrugged. “I uh…I’m helping Mary Clark with some cases. By that I mean…research, clerical activities. Just simple jobs but you know…I’m not running out of money. Guess she felt too bad for me that I got suspended and I’m back under her wing.” She chuckled sadly.

Alex moved closer to Casey and grabbed her hand, bringing it to her lips. “Casey…I am so sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I was an idiot for vanishing like that.”

“I get it.” Casey looked up at her and smiled sadly. “I now get it.”

“That’s still not an excuse.”

Casey sighed as she placed her hand on Alex’s cheek, wiping away her tears. “I forgive you, Alex.”

Alex let out a shaky breath that she didn’t even know she was holding. “You don’t have to. I mean-“

“But I do.” Casey bit her lip softly as she shook her head. “I cannot lose you again, Alex.” She took a deep breath as her tears rolled down her cheeks. “I was upset. I…I didn’t understand what had happened, I thought I had done something wrong or that…that you just figured out you couldn’t do this anymore.”

Alex shook her head. “No. I wanted to call you every single day. I wanted to come and find you, but they didn’t let me.”

“Now you’re here.” Casey whispered as she smiled.

Alex nodded, turning her head slightly to kiss Casey’s hand on her cheek, her hand going on top of it. “I am. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Casey smiled. “I’d actually kill you if you dare go somewhere.” She chuckled softly.

Alex huffed a chuckle as she smiled. “I can’t. I won’t.” She tilted her head. “I want to keep my promise…and I want us to try this.”

Casey’s face softened. “Try this?”

“Us.” Alex smiled. “I want us to…to get to know each other again. I want us to go on dates. To…you know try this whole relationship thi-“

Casey interrupted Alex as she placed her other hand on Alex’s cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. Alex gasped as she felt Casey’s lips against her but placed her hands on Casey’s neck to keep her in place, kissing her back softly. Alex felt more tears rolling down her cheeks, she felt so overwhelmed about everything that was going on, but this definitely calmed her anxiety down, knowing that Casey really meant it and she really forgave her, and that’s all Alex had been hoping for. Hell, she would’ve accepted a friendship if anything, she just needed Casey in her life -well maybe she wouldn’t have entirely accepted the friendship because of how she felt about Casey, but she would respect the boundaries-. Both women couldn’t help but smile against each other’s lips, breaking the kiss for a slight moment before Alex brought Casey’s lips back to hers, not wanting the kiss to end. They finally separated as they tried catching their breath. Alex smiled softly as she rested her forehead against Casey’s.

“I love you, Casey.”

Casey pulled away enough to look at Alex, a surprised look on her face. “What?”

Alex’s eyes widened as she stared at Casey, swallowing hard as her hands left Casey’s neck. “I- uh. I mean- fuck. Casey. I-“

Casey chuckled softly. “You know that you’re cute even when you’re a bundle of anxiety?” She raised her brow as she grinned playfully.

“What do you expect me to do? I…I told you I loved you and you’re making fun of me and-”

“And I love you too.” Casey smiled as she ran her hand through Alex’s hair.

Alex sighed in relief as she smiled. “You do?”

Casey nodded. “I do.” She smiled. “And, by the way, I do agree on going on dates, maybe updating each other a bit more on each other’s lives but…why waste more time, Alex?”

Alex smiled. “I mean…I did drop the L bomb after basically trying to say that we could take things slow, so. I broke my own rule.” She shrugged as Casey laughed.

“You’re cute.” Casey smiled as she pecked her lips softly. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too.” Alex smiled as she placed her hands on Casey’s back but then pulled them back quickly.

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Alex…it’s been over 3 years. My ribs are perfectly fine. You don’t have to be careful anymore.”

“I’d still be careful. I still don’t wanna hurt you.”

“I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” Casey smirked softly as she placed her hand on Alex’s chest and pushed her slightly, so her back was resting against the couch. She then moved to straddle her waist, wrapping her arms around Alex’s neck. “And what if I don’t want you to be careful?”

Alex gulped as she looked up at Casey. “Well, that changes things.” She grinned as she placed her hands on Casey’s waist.

“It does.” Casey smiled before she leaned down for another kiss, but this time with more passion.

********************

“Anyone know who’s out temporary ADA?” Fin asked as he looked at Elliot.

“How about one back from the dead?”

They both turned to look at Casey who was already smiling and taking her coat off. “Casey Novak. You’re back.”

Casey shrugged. “Alive and fairly well.” She sighed as she smiled. “Alex and I are gonna share some cases, but…I am.”

Olivia smiled softly as she walked to Casey and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

Casey smiled softly as she pulled away from the hug and looked at Olivia. “I’m happy I am.”

“Well, we have our two favorite back.” Much said as he patted her shoulder.

Casey nodded. “Thank you for the warm welcome. But, I think we have a case to work on?”

“Just got here and you already want to start working? Eager much, Novak?”

Casey smirked as she turned to look at Alex. “I don’t think you have ever minded that, Cabot.”

Alex grinned as she kissed her cheek softly. “That’s a secret.” She whispered in Casey’s ear and then chuckled as she looked at the rest of the squad. “I need to steal her for a bit but promise I’ll bring her back.” She grabbed Casey’s hand and pulled her to the elevator. Once the doors closed, she pinned Casey against the wall and smirked. “First day back and you already want to tease me in front of everyone?”

Casey shrugged. “Is that wrong?” She smirked as she pulled Alex close to her by the collar of her coat.

Alex shook her head as she chuckled. “We’ll see how you like my teasing later.” She whispered against her lips as she kissed her, but once she heard the doors opening, she pulled away and winked at Casey.

“Do you think Liz would like to hear that we’re gonna be working together?” Casey grinned as they walked out of the elevator hand in hand.

“I think she’d like if we let her know we’re together in my office before she walks in on us again.” Alex laughed, pulling Casey close to her and Casey laughing with her as they walked out the precinct.

#casey novak #alex cabot #alexandra cabot #casey novak x alex cabot #calex #svu fic #law and order svu #svu

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elettralightwood · 6 months

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Moments from the email disaster that broke me in a million pieces ♡

“how could you possibly be stupid enough to get photographed? I swear to God—” Alex doesn’t even hear the last part of what she says, because his stomach has just dropped all the way down through the floor and into the fucking basements two floors below. “Fuck.”

Tinted windows, but he forgot about the fucking windshield.

Him whispering something in Henry’s ear while Henry smiles a soft, private smile.

Fucking shitting hell. He is so fucked. Henry is so fucked. And, Jesus Christ, his mother’s campaign is fucked, and his political career is fucked, and his ears are ringing, and he’s going to throw up.

God, Henry. All he can think about is Henry’s big blue eyes looking terrified, Henry’s breathing coming shallow and quick, locked in his bedroom in Kensington Palace and desperately alone, and his jaw locks up, something burning in the back of his throat.

On the second page, he sees them: printed and annotated excerpts of their emails. It begins with a line he’s read about a thousand times by now. Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams ... “Fuck!” he says a third time, spiking the newspaper at the floor. That one was his. It feels obscene to see it there.

When he reaches for an emotion to name, he finds he can’t pin one down, and something shudders inside him and shuts down completely.

“I am your mother. I was your mother before I was ever the president, and I’ll be your mother long after, to the day they put me in the ground and beyond this earth. You are my child. So, if you’re serious about this, I’ll back your play.”

“So,” she says. “Do you feel forever about him?” And there’s no room left to agonize over it, nothing left to do but say the thing he’s known all along. “Yeah,” he says, “I do.”

They all turn to look at him, and Alex feels a wave of something so much bigger than himself sweep over him. A sound escapes his throat uninvited, something that he barely even recognizes, and June has him first, then the rest of them, arms and arms and hands and hands, pulling him close and touching his face and moving him until he’s on the floor, thinking distantly that he’s having a panic attack, and that’s why he can’t breathe, but he’s just staring at the rug and he’s having a panic attack and knowing why his lungs won’t work doesn’t make them work again.

He sleeps in fits and starts, wakes up sweating, wakes up shivering. He dreams in short, fractured scenes that swell and fade erratically. He dreams of himself at war, in a muddy trench, love letter soaking red in his chest pocket. He dreams of a house in Travis County, doors locked, unwilling to let him in again. He dreams of a crown.

A tweet: lmaoooo wait look at page 22 of the emails alex is such a hoe. A tweet: OMFG DID YOU SEE somebody who went to uni with Henry posted some photos of him at a party and he is just like Profoundly Gay in them i’m screaming.

His mom has signed off on them going public with the truth, which is incredible, but there’s no reason to expect that from the crown. He could get marching orders to deny everything. He thinks he might grab Henry and run if it comes down to that.

Still, the cocky shithead part of him is slightly pleased to finally have a claim on Henry. Yep, the prince? Most eligible bachelor in the world? British accent, face like a Greek god, legs for days? Mine.

There are the flaws everyone’s allowed to see—his big mouth, his mercurial temper, his searing impulses —and then there’s this. It’s like how he only wears his glasses when nobody’s around: Nobody’s supposed to see how much he needs. He doesn’t care that people write about his sex life, real or imagined. He cares that they know, in his own private words, what’s pumping out of his heart.

And Henry. God, Henry. Those emails—those letters—were the one place Henry could say what he was really thinking. There’s nothing that wasn’t laid out in there: Henry being gay, Bea going to rehab, the queen tacitly keeping Henry in the closet. Alex hasn’t been a good Catholic in a long time, but he knows confession is a sacrament. They were supposed to stay safe.

“Hello?” It’s Henry’s voice, sweet and posh and shaky and confused, and relief knocks the wind out of him “Sweetheart.” He hears Henry’s exhale over the line. “Hi, love.”

“Philip broke a vase that belonged to Anne Boleyn, Gran ordered a communications lockdown, and Mum hasn’t spoken to anyone.”

“I won’t lie. Not about this. Not about you.” Alex’s eyelashes are wet. “I fucking love you.” “I love you too.”

“I’m coming. I’ll be there soon.” Henry exhales a wet, broken laugh. “Please, do hurry.”

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince

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misspoetree · 9 months

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Um... you were kinda right with the "sr in case anon didn't saw that" ^^; because yep, anon didn't saw that XD

But honestly, no worries about answering the ask late or so, please, no, just don't, even tumblr (and if not the app then the topics) can get exhausting over time, so please, take your breaks and recover a bit, even if I would never get an answer, it is completly fine, you are not obliged to answer it at all :D

But after you cast out the fishing line like this, I admit, I am a lazy carp, I bite.

CHOMP down on this hc's, because I literally just threw so much mismatched pieces at you (I really FORGOT about Tays business background, OF COURSE! It totally makes sense that Korn keeps him close because of business, I am dumb) but your genius idea about Korn getting a glimpse of Tays dangerous side... hooolyyyyyy... i am getting goosebumps!

(There is still an itch that wants to dig deeper into the whole net of Korns idea behind Tay and Time as friends for Kinn, like, is it just to keep business partners close? If so, how important is the business really, that Korn is willing to let an emotional bond like friendship grow between the boys and risk Kinn, our all-time-titts-out emotional dandy who is fucking starved of platonic affection, to hesitate, if things with the business of Tay or Time goes south? He either considers the business as that safe that it can never fail or loose its worth or Tays Family is that powerful that it wouldn't be good to have them as an enemy (Tay mafia heir incoming????) maybe it is completly different and he has more reasons for it... So much to unpack, I am getting my pool noodle right this moment and gear up for a deep dive)

But back to the important things, your reminder of ep 7, where Korns whole house of cards is swiped away by Tay, YES! One and a million, YES!

Ohhhhh, seeing Korn put business over everything else, that this is the reason for the whole friendship between Tay and Kinn, but then he needs more distance between them, but the more he tries, the more there is Tay with a machete gracefully hacking and slicing the net of lies apart- AHHHHHHHHH! You have a fantastic brain!

Btw, I am so happy that you liked the things my brain came up with, but I am even more in love with what you did with them.

Because Tay sways between the things he was forced to learn, the smiles, the way how he carries himself, the way he speaks and interacts with people, all this got build on the raw, unpolished knowledge that he has no choice but to master all those things if he wants to survive in this world.

He cuts the net Korn sets up, not to fight him head-on but to avoid getting caught in it as well. He simply survives. Inside the conference rooms, where words wield the power and outside in the bars, where a knife is loosely carried and a gun only a few seconds away.

(Again, how fucking exhausted must he be to perform in this two completly different scenarios, with clients and persons that are the exact opposite of each other and still manages to survive?)

Your, I will call it little scene because when I read it, it felt a 100%like it! Holy. Wow.

Oh hell, I need to recover, because you broke open my head and wrote that what I would never be able to convey in words, even if its just in an ask.

You have talent talent my dear, so please, if you start writing it, pin it up everywhere because I really want to read it

Tay being torn apart by his actions versus his heart and emotions is amazing and felt painfull good to read! And it kicks up my brain... I think unlike the other (traumatised™️) kids in the show, I don't think he is used to putting all his emotions aside... especially after I read your snippet, holy... I mean, with Kinn it is pretty obvious that he pushes his emotions aside and is done with it. But Tay?

Im mean, you already showed with your Ep7 reference that he is able to pull Kinn out of it. That doesn't sound like a man who is used to seeing his feelings as unworthy or useless.

I think Tay loves with a feral snarl and a gentle hug. He loves desperately and truly. He knows how to keep his friends safe, how to talk with them about feelings. He isn't someone who pushes everything away knowingly.

So maybe the time where all his training, his watching and analyzing turns into a blind "act", he looses control, he doesn't see himself as the person he knows anymore. And an overthinking, overanalyzing guy meets moral and emotional distress of his own making, ouuu... could turn out pretty dark for a hardworking brain like Tay's if you ask me...

And I am curious because you beautifully crafted the moment, where Tay's whole angelic act comes crumbling to the ground. That moment, when he flees and runs away from his own actions, when he's desperate and broken and so, so vulnurable...

I am curious to see, if there's something that catches Tay when he falls, or if he crashes and break his wings.

For now (I am open for discussion if I overlooked something again XD) I think that Tay... would be pretty lonely. Back then (I think of pre Porsche era) he had Kinn, who is forced to swallow down his emotions (best example, when Kinn listened to Tay and Time how he should smile and behave towards Porsche to show that he is ahem, interested. Aaaaand this brings me back to Tay being so used to putting up an act as soon as he goes outside that he even knows how to break it down for someone else and explain it. Because it is normal for him to know which impulse that he gives causes which reaction. It is engraved in his mind) so Tay is the one who helps Kinn out but on the other hand, it's going to be difficult for a guy with an emotional capacity like a rock like Kinn has, to be helpful in a full fledged breakdown.

And Time? Looking at him roughly, I see someone who has cheated on Tay many times, in this case breaking his trust and definitly the perspective of being someone to hold on to when shit is about to get real.

That brings me to the question, who would catch Tay? Who would take care for him, who or what would give him the place of peace and a break from the constant attention he has to maintain? How could not break under all this pressure?

Your whole part about Tay and his feelings, the moment where his instincts and heart collide and shows him the monster, holy. You nailed this!

Tay wants to love! He wants to have something real, something more than just a lingering thought of companionship or a blissful fantasy!

But he sees himself now, he sees under his own veil and realizes what he could do with that power and those abilitys.

He is so fucking scared and desperate and there's still no one in sight, no one to hold him, no one to catch him. He stares in his own abyss and he stumbles and he falls, he falls, he falls.

I mean, I could be wrong with a lot of this stuff, so I am kicking the ball back to you, what do you think would happen? ^.^

(Having the time of my life with getting into the Tay agenda rn XD)

Beloved Anon, you’re evil (affectionate). ❤

You dropped that into my asks while I was at work, and I genuinely lost my mind for like half an hour. I’m glad nobody came into my office because they would have seen me acting insane. Stading by the window, wrapped in a scarf, staring out into the thunderstorm, vibrating, talking to myself. (Having the time of my life, honestly.) 😂😂

And you’re really sweet and hilarious by the way, thank you. <3

Uhhhhhh, your itch with Korn’s idea behind the friendship with Tay and Time got me itching, too. I DO think that Tay’s family really is that influential. Time says that he crushed his car in the old area of Tay’s father, and “he cleared it off. The whole thing went silent.” There’s more than money necessary to make something like that happen, in my opinion. So yeah, being on good terms with those families is probably a smart business decision. (Random side note: Tay mafia heir is also an incredible sexy concept, OMG. Honestly, why has there been so little Tay action in the fandom?! The possibilities!!! 😭😍)

But you’re right, nevertheless. Ther’s never just one side to Korn’s actions, always playing 4D chess against everyone. And it is risky to allow “our all-time-tits out emotional dandy who is fucking starved of platonic affection” (that description made me laugh so fucking hard, oh my God 🤣🤣) to have this kind of emotional bonds, sure. But: wouldn’t the opposite be even more risky? To put Kinn in complete social isolation and still expect him to be a somewhat functional human being, NO, to be the heir of the family, able to differentiate between friend and foe?

I mean, look at all three brothers and their social life: Tankhun’s “friends” are his bodyguards, paid to be there (dying on that hill that Pol was only hired to keep Tankhun company btw 😌), paid to do what he wants, to obey, to die for him if necessary – not seen as independent, free-thinking human beings at all. (I’m not saying that Tankhun doesn’t love his bodyguards but that still doesn’t change the situation.) And Kim, well, he has completely isolated himself until he decides to pull Chay into his very own net of manipulation and we all know how well that went for Kim, being utterly starved of affection - only ending up tangled in a trap of his own making.

My point is: isn’t Kinn the most socially functioning of all of them because he’s the only one that has real friends? Friends that keep him in check and tell him when he’s being fucking stupid? That are not paid or lovers or part of the family?

And even though I think that Korn doesn’t really get the concept of friendship outside of business, he’s smart enough to see that they are…necessary. That it’s better for his children to have them than not. Well, at least until he comes to the conclusion that one of those friendships might not be worth the trouble…if you catch my drift. 👀

You keep saying such incredible nice things to me (not me reacting like a dog that’s been called “Good girl”, wagging my imaginary tail. 😭 I’m so weak, it’s embarrassing. 🙈🙈🙈) but I also really love your thoughts and the way you phrase things, it’s brilliant! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

I mean, ahhhh, you spelled it out so beautifully, the way Tay isn’t a man “who is used to seeing his feelings as unworthy or useless”. (But a man who might tend to put the feelings of others over his own, to shift the focus from him to others. A man who is used to deal with his feelings on his own. A man who might not push everything away knowingly, but some things just happen to…slip through.)

And your paragraphs about Tay’s actions turning into a blind act, an “overthinking, overanalysing guy meet(ing) moral and emotional distress of his own making” and TAY EXPLAINING HIS OWN ACT TO KINN - *gently shakes you by the shoulders* - ahhhhhhhh, yesssss, exactly, you get it!!!! 😭😭😭

“He is so fucking scared and desperate and there’s still no one in sight, no one to hold him, no one to catch him. He stares in his own abyss and he stumbles and he falls, he falls, he falls,” – AHHHH ANON I’M GOING INSANE AGAIN!!!!

I’m so sorry that I have so little to add to the second part of your ask except for “!!!!!” and *static noise* but I’m actually maybe under circumstances writing a little something. 👀 I’m rusty af and it will probably take months because I’m a really slow writer and I have so little time and who knows if it even will be any good …but I’m still so fucking excited?! So, thank you again for putting the idea into my head and to my Tay HC people who started all of this. 😭🙏🏻

And well, I don’t want to give too much away at this point, but the fic I’m writing plays relatively soon after the thing with Tawan happens, so Kinn is definitely no help with any form of breakdown…or any emotional thing at all. But just like you said, I don’t think that Kinn is very helpful on a good day either. He’s just not a person you would go to…to lay your heart bare.

And well…Time. Good old Time. His infidelity is actually one of the catalysators of my story, getting Tay into this situation he was trying to avoid because he knew (through instinct, paranoia, “training”) that things would end up going south. So, he’s also not a candidate to catch Tay at the moment. If he ever is. But…that doesn’t mean I don’t have plans for him. 👀

I don’t think that there’s any person to catch him, to hold him, to take care of him, actually. Not at that moment, not in the way he needs to, anyway. But I think there’s a person to ground him. A person to make him see things from a different (not necessarily better, but different) perspective. A person who digs out truths with reckless abandon, who isn’t deflected by kicks and screams and a bloody mess but encouraged. A different kind of beast.

I want Tay to go to Vegas. As crazy as it sounds. (And that only works based on my “There's...'something' between Tay and Vegas, some kind of understanding” headcanon, I guess. )

So...wow. This answer somewhat escalated and I hope you’re not disappointed with it, Anon. 😅 (Btw, no need to be shy, my DMs are always open ❤…even though I don’t answer them any quicker, I'm sorry. 🙈)

#anon ask #kinnporsche tay #kinnporsche headcanon #long post

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shinydelirium · 2 years

Text

MLQC Season 2 Chapter 30: Day and Night (Kiro) Part 2 Translation [CN]

***WARNING*** THIS POST CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR CONTENT NOT YET RELEASED ON EN SERVER!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!***

Previous translations of Season 2 Chapter 30: Part 1

Please excuse my comments/reactions (***) throughout the translations. There was so much going on in this chapter.

[Disguise and Determination]

In the silent car, I sat cramped in the passenger seat, occasionally sneaking peeks at Helios from the corner of my eye.

At the next turn, the scenery outside the window gradually became familiar. Seeing that I’ll be home in no time, I pursed my lips and decided to break the awkward silence.

MC: What were you doing at GR?

Helios: I should be asking you that.

He looked straight ahead with a blank expression on his face. I paused before speaking truthfully.

MC: I thought GR might have clues about the mechanical box so I went to investigate…

I suddenly remembered the last time when he told me to abandon those dangerous thoughts and sheepishly changed the subject.

MC: Nevertheless, aren’t you guilty of being suspicious?

Helios: I only said that to deceive him.

Helios: I promised to help you with the investigation and I keep my word.

Helios: So until then, don’t act on your own.

There was a bit of anger in his voice but it couldn’t hide his worry.

I frowned as I looked at him. Seeing his distant profile against the backlight, my heart stung.

It seemed that every time he behaves like this, it’s to confront those with ill intentions.

It’s his disguise as well as his armor.

MC: Are the guys in NW still after you?

He softly murmured the answer.

MC: And that’s why you’re posing as Helios?

Helios: On top of keeping out of sight, it also makes it more convenient for me to do things.

MC: So the reason they came after you…does it have something to do with that experiment video?

There was a brief silence and Helios stared at the blinking traffic light for a long time before speaking again.

Helios: They’ve been watching me for quite some time.

His hand instinctively went to his ear.

Helios: It’s just that I’m running out of patience.

My heart felt like it was being stabbed by something and the clues that I couldn’t understand before finally became clear to me.

That’s why he decided to get treatment during this time even if the method caused him so much physical pain.

He knew what he was doing and what it meant in the end.

All at once, I truly felt how powerless and frustrated I was at not being able to keep up with him.

Sunlight outlined his profile, revealing his determination and nothing seemed able to bring him down.

My mind’s made up—

I can’t leave him alone. Even if I can be of little help, just a little bit, I want to be with him.

Just when I was about to say something, my phone’s screen flashed suddenly and went black.

Before I could react, a blinking underline cursor popped up on the screen automatically typing out some letters—

“Hello.”

What’s going on…?!

I stared wide-eyed in shock and at the same time, I heard a soft jingle beside me like some kind of signal.

I looked up and saw Helios’ face change.

He turned the steering wheel sharply, slammed on the brakes, and stopped the car firmly on the side of the road.

Then he took out a mini computer from the back seat and started tapping on the keyboard.

I stared blankly at his nervous, stern face realizing something crucial must have happened.

I looked at my phone again, only to find that the screen had gone blank again and then a line of black letters appeared like ripples on a lake—

“I can help you.”

My fingers squeezed the phone tightly in my hand as a cold sweat broke out on my back.

Without giving me more time to think about it, the screen flickered to black again and white words appeared.

“In ten minutes, you’ll find what you’re looking for here.”

In the next second, all the words shattered into a million pieces and then started coming back together, forming a pattern.

I wanted to restart my phone but found that all the buttons weren’t working. The broken pieces continued to piece together on the screen.

Is it a new Trojan virus? Or is someone remotely controlling my phone?

I bit my lip, waiting intently for Helios to finish what he was doing and ask his opinion. Abruptly, the sound of the keyboard stopped.

A cold touch suddenly grabbed hold of my hand.

Helios: Did you get a message?

I gave him a worried look and saw his eyes widened. Many emotions I couldn’t make out swirled in his clear eyes.

His voice was full of urgency along with some unusual restlessness which made my heart beat heavily in my chest.

MC: …Yeah. Some strange words showed up on my phone and now it’s like this. See?

I simply recited the text on the screen just now to Helios and he took my phone with a frown. Immediately, he connected it to the computer with a USB cable.

Noticing me staring nervously at him, his fingers on the keyboard halted and his eyes sank.

Helios: I’m tracking down the IP address that sent the message.

Helios: The person using this IP…

He paused.

Helios: Might be KEY. ***👀👀👀 KEY IN THE MAIN STORY!?!?!***

[Silent Companionship]

I watched in disbelief as Helios pursed his lips, his eyes darkening as he looked at me.

Helios: Don’t you know who that is?

MC: I…

“Aren’t you KEY?” was on the tip of my tongue but I swallowed my question and suddenly realized something.

It’s unlike him to be so nervous and anxious which meant that the person he wanted to track must be important.

I instantly remembered a lot of our conversations we had in the past. Some serious and some not. Then, it slowly dawned on me.

This KEY must be Kiro’s master.

He quietly stared at me without urging me like he didn’t care or rather he already knew the answer.

Fine light casted over his silver hair making it sparkle. I thought about it and gave a firm nod.

MC: I do.

MC: It’s not you so it can only be your master, the previous KEY.

Helios was shocked, not expecting me to be so frank. His pupils dilated.

MC: …I’ve seen reports about KEY in my dad’s notes.

MC: There are also a lot of rumors about him in BS. Some people say…he was the one who took you away.

MC: And you mentioned him before too when we were in the hunter game.

MC: So I did my own research…

I can’t help but feel a little nervous after saying this. Although these are facts, nonetheless, I kept the real source of the information secret.

Helios: Is that all?

His voice was very soft like a whisper. He sounded unsure and it seemed like he was unwilling to ask more.

I suddenly felt a little sad but in the end I could only blink my eyes hard and gave a light hum in response.

Around the same time, the computer beeped. Helios lowered his eyes and started typing on the keyboard again.

Lines of written code from the screen reflected in his eyes, giving me a warm sense of nostalgia along with some remorse.

Helios: My master just up and disappeared without warning four years ago and I’ve been tracking his IP.

Helios: The ringtone from before was specially designed for that. Once his device is online, I’ll get a signal.

Helios: So this is my chance to track him.

He spoke calmly but his shaky fingers betrayed his urgency.

Seeing his determination, I was reminded of that time years ago when I saw him like this, never giving up when he came across the perfect opportunity.

How many times did he have to experience disappoint to be so calm and skilled like he is now?

Feeling a bitterness spreading in my heart, I quietly watched him type out code after code until the pattern on the screen gradually became clearer—

A live view of the street was displayed.

I took a closer look and my eyes widened.

MC: There…that’s the green belt trail near my home. Why is the map marked here?

I paused trying to process my thoughts.

If the person who sent the message is really KEY, then his words must have some merit.

But he said what I was looking for would appear here. What could that be?

Then it hit me.

MC: You keep tracking down the IP. I’ll head over there and have a look!

Helios: I’ll come with you.

He pointed at the fast-moving pages of numbers on the screen, put the mini computer in his pocket, and swiftly got out of the car.

Helios: I set up automatic tracking so if anything comes up, it will be immediately locked.

Helios: He did teach me after all.

Helios: So of course, I can’t afford to mess up.

A black box glowing with white light is suspended in the air of the green belt. The eerie image contrasts sharply against the peaceful environment.

MC: I knew it, it’s the mechanical box!

The white light recedes and I couldn’t help thinking back on the mechanical box I stumbled across on the road earlier.

The memory of being attacked flooded my mind and I shivered. After looking around, I hurriedly reached out to take it—

My wrist was pulled back and Helios pushed me behind him.

He reached out, grabbed the black box in one swoop and weighed it a few times in the palm of his hand, looking at it in deep thought.

MC: What does it feel like?

Helios: Quite heavy, nothing special.

I hesitantly stretched my fingers to touch it but Helios suddenly lifted his hand making me trip.

MC: Don’t lift it up so high. What if someone sees it?!

Helios: Don’t worry. There’s no one within a few hundred-meter radius. On the way here, I hacked into the city surveillance network to confirm the area.

Helios: But it’s strange. Right now, it’s too quiet for a residential community.

After he said this, I noticed that the trails are indeed vacant today.

MC: Could it have something to do with the message I received?

Helios didn’t say anything which only confirmed my suspicions.

MC: Not only did the other person knew where the mechanical box would appear but also knew that I was investigating it.

MC: Even the area was cleared especially for us.

If the other person really is KEY…is he helping me? But why? Why did he appear now of all times after going missing for so many years?

Helios frowned. Seeing him like this, I held back my unspoken questions.

All of this is happening out of nowhere and so strangely. Many doubts buzzed around in my head.

When Helios got back inside the car, he kept staring at the computer without making a sound. I glanced at him and saw that his coiled body became even more tense.

Could it be…I had a vague idea that I didn’t dare ask out loud but his eyes still caught mine.

He looked up, his eyes flickering like a sea of starlight.

Helios: I lost the signal.

MC: …

Helios: It’s fine. It’s not the first time.

He smiled indifferently but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Helios: Have you received this message before?

I thought hard then shook my head. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something else and met my eyes.

Helios: MC, can you leave your phone with me?

Helios: I have a feeling he’ll contact you again.

Worried that I would refuse, he added.

Helios: I promise, I won’t read anything else other than that person’s messages.

His eyes glimmered and I could see the innocence and sincerity that I was all too familiar with. My heart softened a bit and I raised my hand to smooth out his unruly hair.

MC: I’ll give you the phone under one condition.

MC: Wherever you go, I want to be with you.

Pushing open the door of the apartment, Helios raised his hand and pressed a switch near the door. With a beep sound, various electronic devices booted up at the same time.

MC: Is this your “secret base”?

He nodded but there was a strange look on his face.

Helios: Have a seat, I’ll…be out in a little bit.

Before I could answer, he walked straight into a room. After a while, the door opened and velvety soft golden hair greeted me.

As soon as we locked eyes, I could clearly see the shy and embarrassed look on Kiro’s face. ***Did he do what I think he did?!?! I wanna see him transform!!! Why do doors exist!?!?😫😫😫 ***

….At a time like this, should I act normal and pretend that nothing happened? ***No, there’s nothing normal about someone changing their hair color on the fly like that, lol***

Kiro coughed and waved the mini computer in his hand.

Kiro [clears throat]: Give me a sec, okay? ***Lmao!!! I’m laughing because he had to clear his throat in order to go back to being “Kiro”***

I hastily nodded and he quickly started working at the coffee table. I placed a pillow in my arms and stared at his back as he became engrossed in his task. I couldn’t help but think about today’s events.

After all, KEY has no reason to help me so why is he doing this? Is it because he knew that Kiro was with me and that’s why he sent those messages to me?

But if it involves Kiro, why not contact him directly? Or is there some other reason I haven’t thought of yet? ***I’m sus. It’s not an imposter, is it?***

Kiro: What are you thinking about?

A voice came to my ear and I came back to my senses only to find that Kiro was sitting beside me at some point.

MC: I was thinking, why did KEY contact me?

His expression froze and there was a hint of softness in his eyes.

Kiro: Honestly, I don’t know either.

Kiro: He always had this casual attitude when doing things and he tends to come and go whenever he pleases. From what I remember, he was always busy.

Kiro: Even though we lived together, I still couldn’t figure his whereabouts.

MC: Why does he sound so mysterious?

Kiro: Nah, he wasn’t mysterious at all. Just an average but great guy.

As Kiro talked, a burning light flashed in his eyes but he still couldn’t hide his fatigue.

I tossed aside the pillow and lightly patted my thigh. He immediately understood what I meant and laid down.

MC: Tell me more about you and your master.

He blinked as he thought about what good memories to tell me.

After a while, his eyes lit up.

Kiro: My master….he’s someone who can never find a pair of socks and drinks his coffee with a spoonful of sugar.

Kiro: Although he is a very powerful hacker, he barely gets a pass in the life skills department.

MC: Pfft, on the other hand, Kiro who he raised, is not only passing but has full marks.

I gently brushed away the bangs from Kiro’s forehead and there was some tenderness in those bright eyes.

Kiro: Because he taught me a lot of things, I was able to understand and accept myself.

Kiro: Come to think of it, it was so long ago.

Kiro: In fact, his whereabouts have always been unpredictable. I’d often get puzzles or codes from him.

Kiro: After cracking them, I would get some information about him.

Kiro: Sometimes, it would just be a bad joke or gossip about an actor I like.

Kiro: Other times, it would just be a photo of a landscape….

Kiro: Although he never said much, I knew he was telling me—

Kiro: Hey, kiddo, I miss you.

Kiro: But then…he completely disappeared without a trace.

Dim light fell over his shoulders, casting a lonely shadow.

A long time ago at the hacker conference, he also told me about him and KEY like he is doing now.

MC: Did you write back to him?

MC: Did you say you missed him too?

He shook his head and lowered his eyelashes.

Kiro: His messages were one-way and that information will automatically be destroyed after I cracked them.

Kiro: I didn’t even get the chance to save those beautiful pictures.

MC: Damn, does he have no sympathy for the “recipient”?

Hearing my “fight for injustice”, Kiro laughed softly.

Kiro: At first, I couldn’t understand it either.

Kiro: However, I slowly realized that he was telling me in his own way—

Kiro: Other than long-term companionship, it’s also important to constantly explore the unexpected and unknown joys in life.

Kiro: Although he’s not by my side, he’ll always share this small moment of happiness with me. ***This is the most that we’ve heard Kiro talk about KEY in the entire game. Even though KEY isn’t physically in the story, he still has such a strong presence.***

He raised his head and his eyes gazed at the starry sky outside the window, looking off into the distance.

My eyes swept across the empty room in front of me and his solitary back. The tip of my nose suddenly felt a bit sore.

I don’t know how many nights he spent hopelessly holding on to these little bits of words, wondering about what KEY was thinking?

Repeating this over and over, the hope and disappointment that came with it.

Leaning down, I tenderly rested my forehead against his.

MC: Then, let me stay with you from now on.

MC: I can’t write code, make clever jokes, or take pictures of landscapes but I’ll be with you—

MC: Creating beautiful moments together and witnessing the wonderful views of the world with our own eyes.

His warm, slow breaths caressed my face, melting my heart.

MC: I’ll always be with you.

A warm blanket wrapped around my back and I felt Kiro holding me tight, surrounding me with his familiar, sweet scent.

In the darkness, I saw him gazing at me with burning eyes. The night sky gradually became clear and reflected in his eyes.

Kiro: Then, you can’t run away, Miss Chips.

He closed his eyes and softly smiled.

Kiro: Many stars are testifying for me.

MC: Yes, they’re all witnesses…no, they’re heaven’s witness. ***T/N: So I had a very difficult time translating this line because MC is doing a play on words so-to-speak in which the “witnesses” she’s using is referring to a “human witness” but Kiro mentioned the stars so instead she says “witness stars”. However, that doesn’t make much sense in English so I went with “heaven’s witness”. I’m sorry if it sounds really cheesy but that was the best I could come up with. Translations be HARD.***

Amused by my words, a corner of Kiro’s mouth perked up.

The sky overflowed with vibrant stars and specks of light seemed to fill the whole room.

After much time had passed, the stars fell into a deep sleep and steady breathing drifted to my ears. Looking at his peaceful face, I said a silent prayer in my heart—

Please let him find KEY soon.

Let his thoughts be laid to rest and receive that long-awaited embrace. ***This entire scene is too sweet which can only mean one thing...***

-End of Part 2-

#spoilers #mlqc #mlqc spoilers #kiro #kiro spoilers #mlqc kiro #mlqc season 2 #mlqc season 2 spoilers #kiro season 2 #mlqc translations #mlqc season 2 translations #kiro chapter translations

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perceivedregret · 1 year

Text

pt 4! fic can also be found on ao3, user is the same over there. part 1 of Extended Hours can be found here.

i feel it creeping up my neck when it's real late, let it cover me up

“So, are you? Doing anything tomorrow?”

Eddie didn’t respond right away. He was frozen in place, eyes glued to Steve’s hand where it had latched onto his arm. Eddie’s lips then slowly turned upward in a half smirk as his eyes finally trailed up to meet Steve’s gaze head on.

“Seems like I might be. Not sure yet, though. Think some guy I went to high school with might have some ideas.”

A smile broke out across Steve’s face as he let go of Eddie’s arm to brush his hair back. He began to invite Eddie to the plans he had with Robin and the others.

Except– there was no plan with Robin and the others and Steve was lying out of his ass. But before he could dig himself deeper into the lie, he was cut off mid-invite when the customer had cleared his throat loudly behind them. Steve smiled sheepishly at him. He spun around and ripped out a small piece of the magazine Eddie had been reading when he first entered the store.

“If you give me your number I can call you later, give you the rundown of the plans. When does your shift end?”

Eddie bit his bottom lip as he pulled a pen from his pocket, and Steve wondered where it came from because those pants were tight . “I get off at ten, so you can call any time twenty minutes after. If my uncle Wayne picks up, just let him know you’re calling for me.” Eddie writes down his number before folding the piece of paper in half, mutters a low “I'll catch ya later, big boy,” before giving Steve a playful salute with two fingers and turning to help out the customer.

Again, Steve is left standing there, jaw slack as his brain shorts as he tries to process everything that is Eddie. He's usually good with the comeback, has gotten better at it since Robin entered his life but when it comes to Eddie….

He doesn't remember walking out of the store but Steve was walking to his car, the piece of paper burning through his jeans where it sat in his front pocket. He settled into the driver’s side, a small smile across his face as he gently set Robin’s things in the passenger seat. It wasn’t until his car roared to life that he remembered.

“Ah fuck, I need to call Robin.”

—-----------

“What’s up, Dorkus.” Robin’s voice sounded bored over the line, having just gotten off the phone with Nancy. And she knew who was on the other end because no one else would be calling this late into the evening.

Steve can hear the sound of rustling papers in the background. He’d just gotten home himself, the bag of his haul from Skylar’s Vibe barely touching the kitchen counter before his fingers were dialing the number he knew by heart.

“Robs, please tell me you’re not doing anything tomorrow night.”

“My plans were to do absolutely nothing, actually, thanks for asking.” Robin sighs, the squeaking of her bed springs sounding through the receiver. Steve can picture her settling into bed, in an oversized t-shirt and her fuzzy calf-length socks crossed at the ankles as she leans against her headboard. He’d snuck over and spent enough nights to watch movies, listen to music, or just to talk to know her routine and habits. “Why, what’s going on with you tomorrow night? Wait, tomorrow night is a Friday night- does Steve Harrington have a date -”

“No, it’s not a date . It’s a hangout amongst friends, hopefully. Just need to get everyone on board.” Steve rushed to get her to stop because– no . “Look, I just got home from the Vibe and before I left I asked Eddie if he was doing anything tomorrow night. I might have told him that you and I had plans to watch a movie at my place and asked if he wanted to join us.”

“Hold. I’m sorry, but did you just say that you asked Eddie to watch a movie with you at your place?” Robin’s voice is low, her question holding a million other questions within the one.

An exasperated sigh escapes Steve as he shuts his eyes, tapping the phone to his forehead a few times before putting the receiver back to his ear. “I’m inviting a group of friends to catch up after a long week to watch a movie together, okay? I kinda told him we already planned the whole thing and that he’d just have to meet up with us at my place after Extended Hours. So, what I need you to do for me is say yes and then immediately call Nance while I try to convince Jonathan and maybe Argyle to come with.”

“Right…” Robin clicks her tongue before continuing. “So it’s just a small little hang out amongst friends?”

Steve’s eyes are wide, hands going up in question as if she could see him. “Yeah, what else would it be?” Steve spins in place, tangling himself in the cord of the phone before he leans back against the counter. “I’m just trying to get to know the guy who’s really close to a bunch of our Extended Hours kids, okay? Expand our friend group a little. Maybe get some insight on his relationship with Max and find out what happened between them this summer. Just say yes and ask no more questions, please.”

“I have one question.”

Steve inhales slowly through his nose. “What’s your question?”

“What movie are we watching?”

Steve has no idea how the stars aligned, what gods were looking down upon him for everything to come together but he thanked them regardless.

He had called Jonathan after his call with Robin who agreed to call back Nancy and invite her, although it wasn’t without a hint of anxiety in her tone. He hadn’t expected Jonathan to agree so readily when he asked if he wanted to catch up and watch a movie with them, but he did and asked if Argyle could tag along before Steve could ask to invite the guy himself.

Once he’s got it all planned out with the group Steve tries to relax a little as he starts to make his way upstairs. As he enters his room he tosses his wallet onto his nightstand after he’s kicked the door shut behind himself, out of habit even though no one's home. His parents are at some conference in Georgia. He didn't ask when they'd be back because it could change, like it almost always did.

His mother had called Tuesday night to let him know they were flying further south, so he knew that they had left Texas that following morning. He assumes they'll probably get back sometime next week, but he can't be bothered to care. Not like they did.

Ever since Steve told his father he was going to take a gap year to "figure it out," it's been pretty much radio silence from the man. When Steve came down the stairs ready for work in his Scoops Ahoy uniform for the first time, the only remark Steve got was a scoff from his father before he buried his face behind the newspaper. His mother had been standing at the kitchen island, her fresh mug of coffee barely hiding the straight line of her mouth.

And when he got the job for Extended Hours he didn't tell them. Didn't want to feel the eyes of disappointment staring back, because it was pointless. Being a part of it all, getting to take care of the party and all those kids was good for him. Sure, it wasn't "the dream," but right now it felt right. Having his best friend at his side made it a hell of a lot more enjoyable.

It didn't bother Steve because he quite frankly couldn't care less what the man thought about him. Steve didn't want to follow in his lead, what with the loveless marriage, the constant pressure of keeping up with appearances, or maintaining some backwards hierarchy of bullshit.

That's probably the only thing worth thanking his father for, which was setting the example of what Steve didn't want for himself. It took a while, but it helped him realize how Tommy and Carol truly were a bunch of assholes, regardless of those confused feelings he had for Tommy at the time.

Helped him realize that Nancy was right when she decided to end things with him. That they just weren't meant to be together as a couple and instead were better off as friends. And when she started dating Jonathan (albeit for only a short while), it didn’t sting. And for that Steve is immensely grateful, because without Jonathan he wouldn’t have met Argyle, the man responsible for introducing Steve to California’s best– Purple Palm Tree Delight.

It helped him find his soulmate, platonic with a capital P best friend Robin Buckley who helped him realize how much of a douchebag Steve himself used to be. She helped him change for the better, to become more comfortable doing things for himself, to be himself without feeling like he was wrong for wanting to try and feel comfortable in his own skin. Was he perfect? Fuck no , but he was better than he was and he's thankful for it.

No, Steve can't be bothered to care what his father thinks but for that? Yeah, he can thank him for that.

He shucks off his jeans, kicking it towards the open closet door where the pile of the rest of his laundry sat. He pulls his sweater off over his head and tosses it on top of the abandoned jeans before making his way over to the bathroom door that connects to his room. He needs to shower, hoping the steam will help get rid of that lingering scent of apricots that still clouded his mind.

Steve doesn’t usually set the water so hot, but he thinks it’s the only way for the tingling to stop, to get that gnawing feeling in his gut to melt away. He can’t describe it, he can’t make sense of it and it’s driving him up the wall. He’s suddenly so tense and the searing water isn’t helping to relieve the sudden ache he feels in every muscle of his body.

He goes through the motions and is in the shower long enough for the hot water to start to run cold. He doesn’t step out just yet, thinks maybe the cooling cascade will help relieve whatever the hot water couldn’t.

It doesn’t.

He can’t help the unsatisfied sigh that escapes him as he steps out, toweling the dripping water off his body before wrapping it low at his waist. He uses an old faded t-shirt to dry his hair, a trick Robin taught him that’s become part of his tedious routine.

One thing the shower did accomplish was removing that faded memory of apricots, except now that Steve is surrounded in the steam and the smell of eucalyptus, he wishes the smell were back.

His skin is an angry shade of red, splotches across his chest, shoulders, and even on his knees and elbows. Steve runs a rough hand through his face as he makes his way over to his dresser, opts out of putting on a shirt and just grabs a pair of old gray sweatpants, a pair from his days as a co-captain of Hawkin’s swim team. The fit has become a bit snug, but they’re one of the more comfortable pieces of his wardrobe that he likes to sleep in.

Steve’s bulked up a bit since graduating, using exercise to get his mind blank when a long drive isn’t enough. He’s honestly tempted to start up a workout now even though he’s just showered but talks himself out of it and instead decides he’ll just commit to an extra thirty minutes to his usual morning run tomorrow. Maybe tack on an extra few reps to his usual list of exercises afterward.

The past week, he’d start his usual run at seven and wouldn’t find himself home until way past eight with the sun properly set above the horizon. Then he’d start his routine of push-ups, pull-ups from the door frame, squats, and just about every type of crunch abdominal exercise until his body was screaming, begging for him to stop.

He doesn’t know why he’s upped the intensity of his workout this past week, just knows it has barely helped stop that feeling of numbness that crawls up his fingertips before the ants start making their way up.

It’s nothing new. It’s an ongoing thing that’s gone on throughout his whole life but the ants– those were a new development. He shakes an arm out, hand going up to his chest as he presses a palm against his sternum, counting with each shallow breath the way Nancy taught him to do when he felt this bubbling start in his chest.

Steve checks the time before his eyes wander to the jeans he had abandoned. He makes his way over and pulls out the folded up piece of paper he had tucked in the front pocket. He unravels it to reveal the seven digits scratched onto the surface with a small dash and the letter ‘E’ with a smiley face tacked on the end of it.

He stares at the broken off piece of paper with Eddie’s number on it, hand still applying pressure to his chest. He wants to call Eddie to update him on the (now official) plans but it's barely past nine. Would still need to wait another hour before he can call him at his place.

Except… he can't wait. Steve sighs as the ants start making their way up his arms. He shakes out his fingers again, hoping to get them to stop crawling as he makes his way back down stairs to his living room where he knows the newspaper will be waiting for him on the coffee table. And he does find it, right where he had set it after collecting it from the porch after his morning run.

He opens it up, flips through the pages, eyes scanning each page as he searches for it. He's about to give up and start going through the Yellow Pages when he finds it. Just below Moe's Laundry Service and above Ty’s BBQ was Skylar's Vibe. And right below that, the store's number. Steve snaps his fingers, mutters a silent yes into the empty living room as he takes the newspaper with him up the stairs and back to his bedroom.

He makes his way over to the desk that sits next to his bed, careful to pull on the line as he carries the dial phone over to his bed before he places it on his lap. Steve puts the receiver to his ear as he starts to input the number.

The line rings and the ants decide to ramp up in intensity, threatening to get under Steve’s skin. The line rings a few more times and Steve is about to hang up when the ringing stops and–

“ Thanks for calling the Vibe- sorry, Skylar’s Vibe, what can I do for ya ?”

The moment Eddie’s voice comes through the phone it all stops. That heavy pressure in his chest, the incessant ants. They’re gone. And Steve can suddenly breathe again.

Which was weird because it usually got worse whenever Steve interacted with Eddie. Except right now when Eddie’s voice came through, a shuddering breath racked Steve’s body as he finally relaxed, tension releasing until he just felt… nothing. But nothing in the best way possible.

“Uhhh, hello ?”

“Sorry, Munson, it’s me, I just...” Steve trails off, unable to finish his train of thought, too preoccupied with trying to understand what the hell was up with him and why Eddie had such an effect on him.

“... Harrington ?” Eddie’s voice is confused before barreling on with a teasing tone, his smile clear through the phone. “ What’s going on, man? Couldn’t wait for me to get home to call me? Did you miss the sound of my voice that bad? I’ve been told I have quite the captivating voice. Sexy, at times brooding. Great for storytelling and world building. ”

Steve chuckles at that, coming back to himself as he sets the phone down beside himself on the bed before leaning back with the receiver at his ear, stack of pillows low against his back as he leans against the headboard. “Fuck off, Munson,” he mutters as he settles himself down even further. Steve loops his finger around the cord of the phone that laid across his stomach before he continued. “No I just… really wanted to talk to you. To, ya know, update you on the plans for tomorrow night. But only if that’s okay? I don’t want to, like, keep you from doing your job or–”

“Nah, dude it’s fine. This late into my shift I only get a few stragglers so I’m usually shooting the shit until I have to close up .” Steve can hear the low hum of music in the background, some fast thrumming beat that Steve can’t recognize. “ So… what’s up ? What’s going through that pretty little head of yours. ”

Steve rolls his eyes at that, smile ghosting his lips. “I just wanted to see what movie you wanted to watch. Was talking to Buckley about it and we figured, since it’ll be your first time with the group, that maybe you should have the pick.” Robin had suggested it before she hung up to call Nance. It’ll be his first time hanging out with us, ya know? Get him involved , to feel like he’s one of us. “And…”

Eddie doesn’t respond right away, seems to be giving Steve a chance to continue but the silence hangs in the air for too long. “ And ?”

Steve’s biting at his lower lip as his brows pull together because he can’t bring himself to continue past that. To say it.

And you were right, I just really wanted to hear the sound of your voice right now .

So he doesn’t say it at all.

“And uhh, I don’t know man, we’re just fully expecting you to pick something good so– lay it on me. What movie am I picking up from Family Video for tomorrow night?”

Eddie hums, contemplating his options before continuing, voice low. “ Well… depends, I guess. I mean if I’m picking out the movie, I’m down to watch a horror flick. Max and Chrissy have been in a mood for scares lately so it’s all we’ve been watching. But- I don’t know, it’s your group. What are you guys into? ”

“I’m into whatever you’re into,” Steve mutters before squeezing his eyes shut as a chuckle escapes him. “Well, actually if I’m being honest I’m not the biggest fan of horror movies but I don’t know. It could be fun if it’s all of us. Could make it into a drinking game, maybe.”

“Drinking game? To a horror movie? Harrington, you really know your way to a man’s heart.”

Steve clicks his teeth as he slides himself down further. ”Man, if I would have known it were that easy I’d have suggested it sooner.”

“ I’m an easy man to please, what can I say?” Eddie’s laugh makes Steve’s chest ache all of a sudden. He unravels his finger from the phone’s cord and places his hand to his chest, expecting that sinking feeling to creep up that he’ll have to fight through, but it doesn’t come.

Hm.

Steve clears his throat. “Anyways, do you have any ideas for the movie I should pick up?”

“ Ooo, actually– I’ve been meaning to catch that new one that came out– the one with that burnt up guy who has the knives for fingers. Do you know it? It’s called Nightmare on Elm Street. Jeff and Gareth caught it in theaters during the summer when it first came out and said it was alright. Could be fun?”

“Nightmare on Elm Street– noted. Alright, so we’ve got the movie settled, now we need to come up with the list.”

“ List? ”

“List, Munson, list of things to drink to!”

“ Of course, the list!”

#steddie fic #steddie #steve x eddie #steddie au #stranger things au #steve harrington #eddie munson #fic continuation #extended hours #my*stuff

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many-fandoms54 · 2 years

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TW mentioned $üicide

There’s multiple ways Byler could happen in S5, but this was prob the saddest way I thought of. In S5 we all know Will is most likely going to have to sacrifice himself to save Hawkins. I have a theory that goes along with Byler confessions/ confirmation. Let’s say the sacrifice scene happens and Mike and everyone is crying abt it right. Then we get a parallel to Vol.2 where there’s a time skip to a few days later and we see El with her door three inches and she exits her room in a black dress. So we all think ‘oh she must be getting ready to go to Will’s funeral’ but when we get to the spot their holding the funeral we see not one but two caskets. It’s both Mike and Will’s funeral. Then we get some kind of note displayed on the screen showing how it ended up to this point and Mike’s voice is reading it. The note says

“Dear everyone reading this,

I’m doing this for myself and Will. He has been my best friend and love of my life for as long as I’ve known him. I can’t imagine living without him, which is why I did what I did if you’re reading this right now. When he disappeared it was the worst week of my life. I love Will with all my heart and I didn’t have a chance to tell him how I felt (or even say a proper goodbye.) Knowing he was gone for good broke me into a million pieces no one was going to be able to fix. He comforted me on my worst days. He was my other half. I needed him but I pushed him away when I discovered my true feelings for him. He was the best thing to ever happen to me and he didn’t deserve the way that I treated him. He was the sweetest, kindest, selfless, and most loving person that you could ever meet. He put others first before himself no matter what. He put his sister’s and best friend‘s happiness before his own. I pushed him away for so long and was such a dick to him, but no matter how wrongly I treated him, he was always there by my side to reassure me and comfort me when I wasn’t confident in things. He loved his family more than anything in the world and to him I was family. He was the light of my life which is why I can’t live without him. I love you all so much and thank you for some amazingly terrifying adventures throughout my childhood. We went to hell and back together and we did it. I’m sorry most of us could stay together for the rest of our lives. Goodbye Hawkins. I’ll miss you somewhat.

Love,

Mike Wheeler”

Or something along those lines and that’s how Byler is confirmed. Mike physically could not live without Will in his life so without him he didn’t hesitate to end his own life for Will just to be with him again.

Again that probably won’t happen but it’s probably one of the most emotional ways Byler could happen in S5.

#stranger things 4 #byler #stranger things #stranger things 5 predictions #byler confession #mike wheeler #will byers

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ghostinxgiaw · 2 years

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For Him,

i have so many words

i wish i knew how to express

when my heart broken into a million pieces all i could do was imagine you

i could see your eyes, the creases you get on the very corner of your lids when you smile so wide

i could hear your laugh a thousand times over and how rosey your cheeks would get when you couldn't stop

i could see all our moments together, ones i replay every single night

the way your hand felt with mine

our nights together will always be my favorite, they felt like dreams

so many worlds away now, they don't even feel as if they happened

when my heart broke into those pieces, all i could think about was you

i don't see you anymore, we never talk

but all i was think about was you, and if you still smile like that

if you still laugh so hard like you did

if your eyes still crease when you smile, if your dimple indents the corner of your cheek

if your hand fits right with someone else's

if you cherish those nights with someone else

when my heart shattered, all i could do was wonder if you were happy

if your heart glowed whenever you saw her

if you thought about her every single moment of the day

if you talk to her, if you look at her the way i looked at you

i read those words you wrote, the special ones, each line so beautifully written

i prayed and hoped they were meant for me

but if they were meant for her, which im sure they were

i pray she cherishes you and holds you the way you deserve to be

cause my God, you are something so real, so true, so unbelievably breathtaking

may she have see all the parts of you and hold them gently in her palms

may she carry your heart like the last cup of water you could ever have

you deserve love

you deserve one for the ages

you deserve it all, even if im not the one to give it to you

when my heart broke, i let it all go

the dreams i built of you and i

the wishes i held for you

the feelings i kept so close and deep to myself

the memories we shared together, pushed them to the deepest parts of my mind

i let my desires go, sending them back to heaven, a miracle to true to ever be

i thanked God for those memories, for you coming into my life even if it was brief

those times were worthwhile

and while they might not mean much to you, or if you even remember much of them, they mean the world to me

and i will keep them with me for as long as my mind let's me

when my heart was no more, i let the questions wander in

was he ever going to be mine?

did he ever look at me the way i looked at him? even for a second?

does he even think of me? does he even miss me the way i miss him?

what was the reason?

the reason of falling in love when he wouldnt ever be mine?

what am i to him?

if i dont hold his heart, then what do i have?

he is everything to me

and for him, am i just a girl he once knew? a girl he met for a second? so long ago, it seemed as if it never happened?

will i always just be that to him?

were we ever going to be more?

even friends?

am i even a friend?

am i nothing?

when my heart stopped, i let the reality set in

that you feel so much love for someone else.

and that its not me. that i dont and wont ever have your heart the way you had mine.

that you're happy with someone else.

a lucky girl, she has no idea that shes won the lottery

cause ones like you don't come by anymore

you are too special for this world

and God, i hope she treats you like pure gold

the day i accepted my broken heart, i sent out my love and prayers.

i sent all my love to you, though it might not seem like much to you, it's so much of me

i sent out my dreams, hoping that you'll get them with her

i sent out my prayers, praying that you're happy, you're having the time of your life and you feel at peace

i sent out my desires, letting them all go

i sent out my gratitude, thanking you for all the memories i'll hold close to me for a lifetime

and then i sent out my wishes to her

wishing that she knows she won

that she knows how amazing and true you are

and that she realizes how thankful she should be

she got you

and damn it, she should feel proud

what i would give to be her is something i'll never know how to express

i sent out my final goodbyes and hopes

goodbye to the me and you

and the hopes that somewhere, in sometime, in some life, this one or the next, that we are together

and i get to call you mine

and while my heart stays broken and unfixable, while i cry my tears and soul out, i wish nothing but the absolute best

because you deserve it

God, you deserve the entire world

i hope she gives it to you

i really do

the day my heart broke, i knew i lost you

you were never mine to lose, but i still did

that's all.

#aesthetic #art #books & libraries #quotes #writing #heartbroken #unrequited love #the other woman #love poem #poetry #love letters #Spotify

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winderlylandchime · 9 months

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Hello! The anon from before about the Tattoo fic. I feel like at this point you can just expect me to be in your inbox after a new chapter all the time. I just finished the new chapter and I am trying to calm myself down just enough to put words into a sentence but I AM FREAKING OUT AND IT IS HARD! My heart broke into a million pieces every new paragraph. I have so many thoughts from Vic and Brian’s conversation, to Mikey??? And Mikey and Brian???? And Mikey and Ben?? I can’t even fully decide what my thoughts are on like two of those topics but I know they’re there. And just Brian alone? My heart! This is killing me! This is what we deserved to also see in the show! Damn you writers, what a missed opportunity! But bless you for making it a reality! I had time to read it at work (big mistake) and this paragraph and I apologize for literally sending you your own words back, but this paragraph: ‘And Brian, Brian is mourning the loss of their future, imagined, an entire future imagined in a single moment in a dark parking garage where two men stood and looked into each other's eyes and didn't say anything.’ IT ABSOLUTELY BROKE ME! My jaw actually dropped and no joke I teared up. I had to reread this paragraph like 5 times in order to move past it. It fully described everything from just what happened to every single emotion and regret and anger and fear and love. My god, you are killing me with every single chapter and I absolutely love it. And the part in the fic where they try to have sex and then the aftermath? Absolutely nailed it, with once again emotions and just everything. I am struggling to put it into words but just so you know it was a very very beautiful and emotional chapter to read even if the ending absolutely destroyed me to the point where I very silently said ‘no’. My God, I cannot wait for when I will be able to reread the entire fic from start to finish and let it destroy me all over again all while also putting me back together.

Hello dear sweet anon!

Thing you (or anyone) never needs to apologize for: quoting my words back to me. I don't want to presume to speak for every author but I'm pretty sure this is a universal thing. I LOVE HEARING what words meant something to you and made you feel something.

I know the Brian-Mikey-Ben of it all remains a bit ambiguous. There was going to be more of it in this chapter but it was getting long so I shifted some plot to the next chapter (and I think for that everyone is unknowingly grateful - I would have left everything on a bit of a painful cliffhanger and honestly my heart after Good Omens S2 Ep6 just couldn't handle it). The ambiguity is also on purpose. These characters? They do not communicate. If suddenly Brian and Michael were to sit down and hash out feelings for Justin, Ben, and each other that would be wildly OOC so having some wanting to shake them and make them talk is needed.

That flashback to that moment in the garage? I'm so glad that landed. It was one of my favorite lines to write. It makes me happy when I'm proud of a line and then IT GETS QUOTED BACK TO ME. I don't play sports but, like, touchdown!

I'm so glad the sex scene didn't seem gratuitous. I was trying to find a parallel to the scene in S2 when Justin panics. I could have done the exact scene (because it's so good and also the parallel to that and then during the cancer arc... LOVE) but I set up this bit early on with Justin's relationship with Ethan. It hurts just that bit more because it's not only something that he has "lost" as a result of the bashing but it's triggering all those old bad memories with Ethan. (I'm know I'm cruel and heartless and I love the angst... but only because the resolution feels better as a result.)

Thank you for coming to my ask box. As you saw in the author's notes, these sorts of things absolutely feed me.

#dear sweet anon #ask winderlylandchime #my fanfiction #brian x justin fanfiction #you're like a tattoo

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dailyaudiobiblechronological · 2 years

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7/30/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Isaiah 54-58

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm Jill. Today's the 30th day of July, and this week is winding down. Our last day together before China, my lovely daughter is with you and takes over for the week next week. So not getting too far ahead, because all we have is this present moment together. So we take a moment, just center ourselves around the Scriptures today, allowing God to open our eyes to see, our ears to hear, and our hearts to receive all that God would want desire to say to us, to speak to us, and to do in us, through us, among us, through His Word. Today we are reading Isaiah, chapter 54-58. It's the last day in our Contemporary English version. Tomorrow we'll turn the page and you'll start a brand new translation with China. Isaiah, chapter 54.

Prayer:

Father, we thank you for your Word today. We thank you for these painful reminders of what moves your heart. And we can get it so wrong. We can fight each other thinking we know what it is that you want us to do. And we can chastise and condemn others for not doing the things that we think speaking on your behalf, that we should be doing for you. And the words are plain here. And so many times we look in the other direction, expecting somebody else to pick up our slack, somebody else to do that less important work, while we are doing what we know is the work of God. Forgive us, Father, for our pride. I pray that we would be moved with compassion on those that are on the outskirts of society, and we would do something, we would act knowing that it moves your heart. And I pray we, every single one of us, would be moved to change, to do better, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to help the poor in need, to treat your humanity, your children, with decency, with kindness, with love and compassion that begin with each and every single one of us. We let go of the things last week that we did not accomplish, that are hanging over us, that are nagging over us, that are out of our control. We lay them at your feet and we look ahead to a brand new week that holds endless possibility. And may we not put an end to endless. We come to you open handed, consecrating the new week ahead to you. We are yours. Do with us as you wish, even when it means us being inconvenienced, even us being bothered, messing up our schedule. I pray that we would be intentional, we would be intentionally good representatives of Almighty God in Jesus Christ. And I pray this now. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Announcements:

Thank you for this time together. This past week, it has been my joy, my pleasure, my distinct honor reading the Bible to us, with us. I'm one of you, part of this community, but I now place you in the very beautiful, delicate, capable hands of my daughter, China. I hope you all have an incredible week together, and I look forward to my time being back with you. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line:

Hi, guys, this is Simone calling in from Houston. I am driving to Bible study and I hear, Whitney, Whitney, Whitney, Whitney. My dear, sweet Whitney, I am so happy that you called to give us an update to let us know what's going on with you, because I think I can speak for the family when I say we were worried and concerned, and I am so happy to hear that God just literally, like you said, saved your life. I have been where you have been. 13-14 years ago, I attempted suicide in the house with my three children in the next bedroom. I was in an extremely dark place, very dark place, and I just wanted to be gone. And I figured the best way for them to be taken care of was for me to die. And I tried to take my own life and ended up being baker acted in the hospital for like, two days, which turned into like, a week. And when I came home and I saw the look on my three children's face, it broke my heart into a million pieces. And I promised God, and I promised myself that if he took me out of that place, that I would never, ever even consider doing it again. And I began to seek his face, and I made some adjustments, and I did what needed to be done in my marriage, which was exit, because the marriage was literally killing me. And I look back now in that 13/14 years ago, and I can't imagine. So please know when I say, I personally know how you feel, and I will continue to keep you lifted in prayer. Love you.

Hi, DABC, this is Tonya calling in from Suffolk. I was listening to July 20 podcast. Whitney, you have definitely touched my heart. I just don't know what to say right now, but I definitely had to call in and just want to say, Lord, I thank you. I thank you for being there for Whitney when she was able- I'm sorry when she wanted to give up. Lord, I just thank you for not allowing the rain to come in her direction because Satan was trying to kill her. Father, I just want to say thank you. Whitney, I just want to say that we love you, that God loves you, and you just continue to hold on, because God definitely has a plan for you and your family. You are a wonderful mother, and he will provide. Just continue to trust and lean on him. Once again. Whitney, I love you. I love you, and I love you. Thank you for just being strong. Thank you for being the person that you are. You are unique, and God specifically has a job for you. So once again, just to continue to hold on to God's unchanging hand. You guys have a wonderful day.

Father, we thank you for saving Whitney, Lord, and providing the biggest way out for her when she felt like she was in the trenches. Lord, I thank you so much that she took the time to share that news with us, dear Lord God, so that our hearts could be encouraged. I pray Father, for her continued protection for her and her family and for your continued provision for her and her family. Dear God, and I pray, Father, that she continues to see you at work in every way. I pray, Lord, that she's able to see days of joy, days of replenishment and renew our dear Lord. And I pray, Father, that you be with her. You touch her in those places where she's feeling depressed or she's feeling despair, dear Lord, that she sees you, she feels your embrace, she feels your own embrace with her through community and friends and family. Dear Lord and Father, that she hears how much we love her and feels how much we love her because you've put her in this community and because you have met this community for all of us. I pray for all the other people who are suffering, who are maybe going through depression, mourning their loved ones, dear God in the hospitals, anticipating upcoming surgeries. I pray that you prepare their bodies, dear God, Father, Lord, for those surgeries and for swift recoveries. Dear Lord, Father, thank you so much for your love, for your mercy. Jesus Christ name I pray. Amen. I love you all. This is Fill My Cup Lord from California. Have a good week. Bye.

Hello, my wonderful DABC family. This is Chicago Peg, breathing in his grace, breathing out his praise. Continue to give God praise for answered prayer. Oh, double blessing for Whitney, along with so many of our other DABers. Whitney, I am praising God, giving him the glory, as to use your words, God saved your life. As you thought, perfectly planned to kill yourself in the rain, and God changed the rain. Praise be to God and continuing to pray for you with me...God bless you Whitney. And I also DABers, I want to ask her from a friend of mine, my friend Dawn requested prayer. So I'm reaching out for my friend Dawn. Please keer her in your prayers. I'm running out of time. Dawn from the Chicago area today, July 20. Going to the doctor for test and having heart issues is the main thing and other things as well. So trust in the Lord and wait on him and always continue to praise Him always and give praise to the Lord. This is Chicago Peg signing out. I love you all.

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beyondspaceandstars · 3 years

Note

Hi! Could I make a drabble/oneshot request for Natasha Romanoff x gn reader where she comes back after destroying Red Room and freeing the widows, basically after movie, to reader, and reader just greets her with a hug and "I'm so proud of you" and after some time hugging they just hear coughing and Yelena saying "Am I... interrupting something?". Hope this makes sense lol. Thank you in advance!

Interrupting

Relationship: Natasha Romanoff x GN!Reader feat. Yelena Belova

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: fingers crossed i fulfilled this request okay! it got a bit away from me at some points but i think i reeled it back in

Masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

When Natasha burst through the door you felt like a million pounds had been lifted off your shoulders.

She had gone radio silent after the last shaky phone call where she told you what she had learned and, subsequently, planned to do. Natasha had always been a bit vague about her past so in those moments, you felt everything pour out. She believed so heavily in what she was doing and there was nothing to stop her.

You couldn’t even begin to relate to her pain so you did your best and told her you supported her fully. You just made her promise she’d come back to you in one piece. With a weak laugh, she agreed. And then that was that. The line went dead. All you were left to do now was wait.

Truly, you thought it was never going to end. Day in, day out, you waited for some sign from her. You figured she’d give you a call at some point — you hadn’t expected her to just waltz into your apartment, looking pretty much fresh from battle.

You had been sitting on the couch picking at your dinner, waiting. Some mindless sitcom played on the television but your brain has been elsewhere… Until the door creaked open. Your heart sank. At first, you thought it had been, like, some bad guys. While you weren’t some fancy superhero yourself, you had only heard Natasha’s warnings, taking them quite seriously given her current rogue status.

But it wasn’t anything bad. It wasn’t some government official or crazy terrorist. It was just your girl. Your love. Your gorgeous, exhausted better half.

She stood in the doorway, looking a bit uncertain about coming in. She’d only been around here maybe once or twice, making her appearance even more shocking. You matched her silence, just staring back into her wide-eyed gaze. She didn’t have to say anything, you read the news on her. She had done it.

You stood from the couch slowly, your dinner carelessly tossed on the coffee table. When you two got closer, it was like something in Natasha broke. Unexpectedly, she threw herself in your arms. A bit stunned at first, you quickly managed to reciprocate the hug, letting her find some relief in your arms. And, if you were being honest, you found relief in hers as well. Just holding her, knowing she was okay, and she had done all that… Your girl truly never stopped impressing you. It didn’t seem anything that could stop her.

"I’m so proud of you," you whispered after a moment. You felt her grip around your neck get tighter as her head found a resting spot on your shoulder.

"Thank you," she responded, her voice a little hoarse. You couldn’t see her face but you guessed she had a few tears forming. You rubbed her back slowly in comfort. She sighed, content.

"Are you okay?" You had to ask.

She let out a little laugh. "Depends," she mumbled. "Are we talking mentally or physically?"

You loosened your hold on her quickly, putting space in between your bodies. Natasha frowned at the disconnect.

"Are you hurt? Physically?" A bit of panic rose in your voice as you looked her over. You couldn’t make out much on her dark-covered suit but there were snags here and there. Nothing was looking too insane but that didn’t mean internally —

"Hon, I’m fine," she said, pulling you out of your rushed thoughts. You wanted to argue, maybe force her to call a doctor, but your thoughts were interrupted as she pulled you in for a kiss before taking you back in her arms. You complied with the motions, your heart slowly getting back to a normal beat.

"You take down an entire secret terrorist organization and you want me to believe you walked away without a scratch?"

Natasha let out a genuine laugh at that question. You felt her shake her head, "I’ll worry about it later."

You scoffed. "Famous last words."

"Are you underestimating me?"

You sighed, pulling her in tighter. "No, babe, I’m not. I’m just saying you’re not bulletproof."

"I guess that’s fair," she answered, her voice dropping to a whisper.

You were just about to ask if she’d let you go so you could get her some dinner when a…cough came from the front door. Your brows furrowed, immediately thinking it was one of your noisy neighbors but when you lifted your head, eyes fixated on the entrance, you found a serious yet confused looking blonde-haired woman watching you two.

"Am I interrupting something?" She asked. You grew even more confused, now fully detaching yourself from Natasha. Probably for good considering the stranger staring you two down. Natasha, though, didn’t look very alarmed.

"Thanks, Yelena." Natasha playfully rolled her eyes.

"What did I do?" The woman, apparently named Yelena, frowned.

"Nothing." She shook her head, a little smirk playing at her lips. Natasha turned towards you. "Sorry, I should’ve warned you my sister was with me."

"S-Sister?" You confirmed, looking between the pair. Natasha hadn’t really ever shared much about her family. You hadn’t pressed, certainly not wanting to open some old wounds. But now that a supposed sister was standing just feet away from you, you felt you were entitled to ask.

Natasha nodded, "This is my sister Yelena." She then motioned towards you, facing Yelena. "Yelena, this is my partner." She also shared your name. The way it rolled off your love’s tongue was music to your ears.

Yelena gave a small smile in acknowledgment. "Nice to meet you. Sorry for barging in. Natasha just gave me the address and, well, hadn’t expected it to lead to answers about her love life."

Your cheeks began getting warm. Natasha waved off Yelena’s teasing.

"I think maybe you’re just jealous," she shrugged and began taking off some of her gear, placing it gently on the couch, before drifting into the kitchen to check out your food. You smiled, watching her move with such ease around the space. It felt so utterly domestic and you loved it a little too much.

Yelena followed her lead but didn’t both with the gear. She peaked in the pot of stew you had simmering. "Maybe I am a little jealous of their cooking skills."

Natasha eventually ended her rounds, coming back to her spot in front of you. She snaked her arms around your waist, yours going around her shoulder this time. "Yeah, well, this adorable, amateur chef is all mine."

You rolled your eyes at her sentiment, feeling your face warm up again. "What can I say? I need to make sure my superhero has a delicious meal after a day of kicking ass."

"And her sister!" Yelena called from the kitchen, apparently already helping herself to some of the food. "Her sister needs to eat as well. I helped very much, thank you."

You nodded. "One of these days I’ll be cooking for the whole Avengers team."

Natasha tried to sound lighthearted but her laugh hid a bit of worry. "Yeah," she sighed. "Maybe that’ll be the glue that mends them."

You didn’t know what to say so you did all you could think of and that was go back to how you started: holding one another. She may have been the big, badass superhero just hours ago but even the toughest needed something warm to come back to. And you were more than happy to be that support for her.

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thehallstara · 2 years

Text

Blaseball Fic Recs

I really wasn't planning on doing one of these but then I realized that I had pretty much done half the work already when hen was looking for some so might as well!! I tried to keep this to one per person and also have a wide selection of teams.

Black Hole Oral History Project by waltztangocache - Genuinely there are so many things by hen I wanted to pick (like so much left to recover which you need to read) but this one is just such an excellent use of form that I had to rec it. Pedro Davids conducts interviews in the black hole and it's EXCELLENT.

A face for radio by Impernia - such a fun and fascinating exploration of when the sim broke during the last short circuit and teams were playing double games.

voices on the other line by papouleaf - human socks maybe irm and mx chicago have a conversation and I think about it far too much.

it could be better by oxicleanmoron - simple and sweet, Brock helps bertie with recarcinizing and also I cry.

life's a beach and then you die by h4wkguy - this fic is criminally underrated. Vela Meadows helps Paula Reddick out of the Hellmouth and man does it hurt!

here, beneath my lungs by babytriumphant - again, robbie is one of those people where there are SO MANY fics i could recommend (tatbt is a goddamn classic), and to be frank once you finish this you should check out the rest of the chicago, in brief series because i genuinely could have pulled any one of them for this, but this is one i go back to a lot.

ORPHEUS by nix/moonofpluto/geometea - gd knows i love a good twine and man is this a GOOD ONE. son jenson is coming for your heart along with her own and you will be stunned.

The Crabitat Language, Attunement, Understanding, and Unity, Standard by cylite is one continuous conversation flowing over 24 seasons and it’s such an interesting exploration of different relationships amongst the crabs.

F. All of the Above and albatross by queeneevee - okay i know i said i was sticking to one per person but i truly couldn’t decide between these two by cola for different reasons. F. is one of the smartest and coolest blaseball fics i’ve ever read and albatross shattered me into a million pieces and then rebuilt me back up in 1212 words and you should read them both.

Apotheosis by Silvereye - deification and mytholigization of dead players is something i think about a lot in blaseball and few fics i’ve read explore it more succinctly than this one about Landry.

the valor i have won by marquis - okay, yes i know i keep saying this, but damn blink is another person where i genuinely could have picked SO many fics of theirs for this (cough go read roots) but when it came down to it i had to go with this one. i’ve read it like. at least three times and it’s been like a shot through the heart for each and every one. it’s the story of don mitchell in the seasons leading up to his vaulting and it’s devastating in all the right ways.

the downswing by waveridden - y’all know what i’m about to say– there’s so many fics i could have chosen but ultimately a year on i still love this fic so much and it still informs how i think about blooddrain to this day. SUCH an excellent fic if you can handle the gore.

Letters at the End of the World by athenadykes - pretty much what the title implies. heartbreaking, devastating, perfection.

all in, palms out, by Flavortext - man listen i think about this fic, okay? what a wonderful piece about how knight triumphant’s relationships have changed and shifted leading up to blaseball and it just really gets me.

that which you cannot kill by Lenasai - a twine fic that makes excellent use of the form and made me care about the wyatts, which is no small feat.

The Graveyard Shift. by theclowne - pedro davids being the one unalted go crab left is a fact that kills me and man does this fic ever hammer that fact home in a way that is simultaneously hopeful and devastating.

you are sundae by porcupine (jetset) - man oh man this fic. it’s about all three sundaes (roscoe of the wings, vess of the worms, and tamsie of the pre-history crabs) and it is fascinating and devastating and just stunningly good writing.

Flames To Sun To Shadows by Awesome_Sauce432 - have you ever wanted to learn about the wondrousness that is kaj statter jr? this is THE fic for you. 20k of just genuine fun and delight and incredible character study.

eloise butterworth breaks the world by cyndakip - sc03 makes another appearance!! again, just a truly intriguing exploration of the bugs that happened that circuit with some delightful characterization to wrap it up.

drift by baliset - okay first i feel like i need to give an honorary shoutout to lucky people because that fic made sob, but continuing the theme of exploration of bugs, this is all about shaquille torres dying during the grand unslam and how that might have gone and man it is just so good.

the many lives of zack sanders by dasyuridae - okay yes this is unfinished and yes i am biased because dasy is my very good friend but you should read it regardless because this is THE zack fic for me i adore her so greatly.

last but not least there’s this quiz by barry. not a fic in the traditional sense but one of my favourite pieces of blaseball fanwork period you have to give it a shot

#blaseball #long post #fic recs #this is so long i'm sorry #turns out i've read a lot of fic in the past year and half #there's also more that i could include again it's just already so long #so hopefully this isn't too annoying and/or is helpful!#self rb

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itgirlification · 3 years

Text

supermodel | jjk

the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.

pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader

warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.

now playing: supermodel by sza

part two part three

Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.

Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?

Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.

It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.

You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.

Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.

Fucking great.

That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.

While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.

“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”

Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.

She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.

“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”

Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.

“Where?”, your question was short.

“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”

You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.

You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...

‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’

You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.

You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?

You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.

You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.

“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.

“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”

__________

“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”

You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.

“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”

She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”

You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”

You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?

Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.

“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”

The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”

Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.

The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.

‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.

You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.

‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?

Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’

About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.

“Woah, yn, you okay?”

You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.

Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.

“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”

You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”

Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”

She put the magazine aside.

“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”

Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”

“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”

Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”

“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”

You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.

“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”

You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”

The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.

“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”

To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.

“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.

_______

it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.

Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.

You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.

Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.

Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.

“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.

“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”

“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”

You shook your head no.

“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”

“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”

Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.

“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”

After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.

A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.

But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than

“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“

At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.

You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.

“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.

Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.

He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.

“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.

It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.

Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.

Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.

This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.

You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.

Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.

You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.

“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.

You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.

He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.

Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.

Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.

Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.

The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.

Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.

“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”

You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.

The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.

You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.

While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.

“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.

So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.

“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.

“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.

He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.

“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”

You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.

Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.

You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.

Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.

Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.

With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.

It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.

You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.

You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.

Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.

Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.

For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.

You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.

All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.

He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”

He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.

“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”

There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.

You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”

You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.

“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”

He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.

“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.

Without looking back, he left.

And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.

743 notes · View notes

killianglyndon · 3 years

Text

Reunion (tbb ep.16 fix-it fic)

Pairing: Crosshair x Medic! Female Reader

Warning: tbb ep.16 spoilers, mentioned of killing people, inhibitor chip?, some kissing, grammar mistakes, typo (cause i didn’t proof read lol. im too tired to do that.)

A/N: anyway, i was so mad and sad about tbb finale, so i decided to write a fix-it fic. That doesn’t mean I hate the episode, this is just my version of story. im not really good at writing so...haha. that’s why im a gifmaker, also my main language is not English, so there would have some typos and grammar mistakes.

Word count: 1.6k

read on ao3

You and The Bad Batch were on the way to save Hunter. You knew this would be a trap, but you couldn’t help but think of a certain sniper, your lover.

You and the batch didn’t understand what had happened to him at first, his brother, your love. The way he called you and the batch traitor, the way he raised his gun to you, and the way he talked. This wasn’t him, this was not the crosshair you know.

Then, it turned out that the kaminoans had implanted inhibitor chips in every clone to make clones blindly follow orders, even killing the jedi.

“Good soldiers follow orders” This line kept echoing in your head after you heard Crosshair say it. This, this was not the crosshair you know.

***

“You and omega wait here” Echo told you and omega.

“No, we should stick together!” Omega protested.

You put a hand on Omega’s shoulder, trying to calm her.

“No, echo’s right” Wrecker agreed with him.

“Stay out of sight, if things go south we’ll send you a signal. Go back to the ship and contact Rex.” Echo added, looking at you and omega.

You gave him a nod and pulled Omega back to your side before watching them ascend to the training room.

You know how much Hunter meant to Omega, the way they interacted, and the way they cared for each other. You understood why the young girl looked up to him.

“Omega, I’m sure they’ll get Hunter back.” You reassured her.

“I know, and Crosshair.” She looked at you with her bright eyes.

You were a little shocked when she mentioned him. All this time, you tried so hard to suppress your feelings for him, your love for him. The batch knew that you missed him, they could tell. The way you stared into his empty bed, and the nights that you cried until you were too tired and the tears were dried.

“Yeah, and Crosshair…” You smiled sadly at the young girl.

***

When you and Omega joined the batch in the training room, you, Omega, and AZI stayed in one of the gun towers. That was when you saw him, your Crosshair. Hunter and he were tackling each other while Tech, Echo, and Wrecker were shooting the droids.

“I believe you may have activated a few too many droids.” AZI said to Omega and you.

“ We can see that, AZI.” Omega raised her bow, aiming for the nearest droid to Hunter and Crosshair. Meanwhile, you used your blaster to shoot some of the droids near the others.

***

After clearing out all the droids, you, Omega, and AZI joined the others on the ground. You walked closer to Crosshair and Hunter.

You could see that Crosshair was shocked to see you, the coldness in his eyes, mixing up with a tiny bit of shock.

The big scar on the right side of his head was horrifying, did the empire did this to him? Your heart almost broke into million pieces, seeing the love of your life like this.

“Crosshair…” Your voice almost sounded like a whisper.

For a moment, you see the real Crosshair, your Crosshair. But soon replaced by the coldness and aloofness.

“Crosshair, forget the empire. This isn’t you, it’s the inhibitor chip.” Hunter tried to talk some senses into him.

“Wrong.” Crosshair stared back at Hunter. “I had my chip removed a long time ago.” He added.

All of you looked shocked, Tech and Wrecker looked at each other, speechless. Hunter almost looked hurt.

“Since when?” Hunter asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes”

No. No. This is not Crosshair. The Crosshair you know would never do this.

“Cross, the empire lied about many things, what if they lied to you?” You asked, trying to hold back your tears.

“This is who I am.”

Crosshair tried to raise his rifle, but Hunter was faster. He stunned him before Crosshair’s attempt.

***

“Hunter, three Venators are descending on the city. We need to leave, now.” Tech stated.

“Wrecker, grab Crosshair. He’s coming with us.” Hunter grabbed Crosshair’s rifle and backpack, while you went to picked up Crosshair’s helmet.

You saw Omega gave Hunter a nod before walking away. Hunter caught you staring at him, so you gave a sad smile to him in return.

“He’s coming home with us.” Hunter said.

***

You and The Batch finally made it to Nala Se’s lab, Tech and Echo were currently trying to figure out a plan. After Crosshair and Hunter’s intense conversation, you saw him walking to the window and taking a seat to rest.

“AZI, come with me, I need your help on something.” You asked.

AZI followed you to Crosshair, you took a seat beside him.

“Crosshair…”

“What do you want?” He asked coldly.

“AZI is a medical droid, he can scan you to check if you still have the chip.”

“Indeed, I helped CT-5555 removed his and CT-5385’s chip according to my memory database.” AZI said.

“Fine.” Crosshair agreed reluctantly.

“CT-9904, this scan only takes a few seconds” AZI said before scanning Crosshair.

To be honest, you knew he still had the chip, you hoped he still had the chip. Cause there was no way, no way the Crosshair you knew would be like this.

“The scan is completed.” AZI said.

“So..?” You asked.

“CT-9904 still has his chip, the chip’s effect was weakened due to the injury from ion engine.” AZI answered.

You felt almost relieved?

The Batch heard it and rushed to you, “He still has...his chip?” Hunter asked, sounded a little guilty.

Echo, Tech, Omega, and Wrecker looked at each other, surprised by this unexpected news as well.

“That would be correct.”AZI replied.

“Could you remove it, AZI?” Omega asked, she wanted his brother back as much as any of you did.

“Yes. I’m capable of removing CT-9904’s inhibitor chip.”

“Do it.” Hunter said.

You stayed next to Crosshair while AZI removed his chip. The surgery was faster than you think, you hold Crosshair’s hand during the whole surgery, and you still holding it now.

“CT-9904’s chip has been removed. He should be awake in any minutes.” AZI stated.

You felt his hand pressing yours, “Crosshair?”

“I...I…”

“Hey, you’re okay now. We removed your chip.” You reassured him.

Crosshair looked away from you, his eyes filled with guilt, confusion, anger, sadness.

“Don’t you hate me?” He asked. “All those things I had done…”

Your hand reached out to stroke his face, “No. Never. I know it’s the chip, Cross. It’s not your fault.” You smiled at him. “I love you, always and forever.”

Crosshair put his hand on your face, wiping away the tears falling down your face. “ But I shot at you, I tried to kill you… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Shhh, I forgive you, Cross. All of it. I’m sorry we didn’t come to save you earlier…”

Crosshair sat up and pulled you into a hug, you melted into his touch, inhaling his scent. Your Crosshair was finally back to you, this is real. The sleepless night without him, the loneliness, the emptiness, the desperation, were all gone. Crosshair was back to you, alive.

“I love you too, cyare.” He said it back.

He pulled away a little so he could kiss you on the lips, his hand trailed to your nape, kissing you with force. You and Crosshair clung on to each other so hard, afraid you would lose each other again. That was when you heard Hunter cleared his throat, you two finally pulled away from each other.

“I know you two miss each other but this lab is about to collapse. and this is not very…” Hunter said and eyed Omega.

“Right, sorry about that.” You answered, then looked at Crosshair whose arm was still wrapped around you. “Cross.” You nudged him.

“Fine.” He gave up and retreated his arm.

“I see Crosshair still has his severe and unyielding personality.” Tech stated.

“This is called missing someone, Tech.” Crosshair said and pulled out one toothpick to throw it at him.

“Ha! He’s back!” Wrecker exclaimed and playfully punched Crosshair’s shoulder.

Crosshair pretended to show an annoyed face, but deep down you knew he missed his brothers.

“Listen, Crosshair. I’m sorry. We should have come for you earlier.” Hunter said. “I was trying to keep the rest of the squad safe, but you are one of us. I’m sorry.”

Crosshair didn’t say anything, just stood up and walk toward Hunter. For a moment you thought he was going to punch him, but instead, Crosshair extended his hand to Hunter.

Hunter looked at Crosshair’s hand then his eyes, he reached out his hand to shake Crosshair’s.

“We need to leave fast, the structure could not hold much longer.” AZI chimed in.

***

All of you finally made it to the platform, for once the Kamino is sunny.

Omega stared at the Tipoca City, which was all destroyed. “It’s… all gone.”

You looked at that direction, the place all clones called home was all gone. The Batch and you took a few seconds to process this, to accept the fact.

“We should leave before Empire’s scouts show up.” Tech said.

“You coming with us?” Wrecker asked, looking at Crosshair.

“Yeah.” Crosshair said and took out a toothpick, putting it into his mouth.

Hunter nodded at him before walking to the ship with the others.

You still stood next to Crosshair, “You ready?” you asked.

“Yeah.” He gave you a little smile then intertwined his hand with yours, leading you to the Marauder.

You didn’t know what the future would be, but one thing was sure. Crosshair would be right beside you, always and forever.

tagging: @ahsoka1 @kavecika @starwarschicken @itsjml @ct-1994 @loth-wolffe-main @theiirs @thefeatherofhope @ahs0ka-tan0 @mallr4ts @kriffclone

#the bad batch #clone trooper crosshair x reader #crosshair x you #crosshair x reader #commander crosshair x reader #the bad batch x reader #bad batch crosshair x reader #star wars #tbb spoilers #crosshair #crosshair bad batch #mywriting

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op-imaginesandmore · 3 years

Note

How would Issho/Fujitora, Doflamingo, Smoker, Arlong, and Gin react to their s/o dying in their arms? (human s/o for all of them including Arlong) Sorry there are so many the posts you've made so far I've enjoyed immensely. I love your style of writing! (:

I know it’s been *checks notes* actual years since I have touched this blog, but I kinda wanted to try my hand at a few of the asks I have in my inbox. I’m going to do just Smoker, and with each of the asks with multiple characters I will pick the one I am most comfortable with writing and go from there. I hope you like it! And also, to anyone who reads this and likes it, thank you! But my ask box will remain closed until…idk, probably a long time. I don’t want to get any one’s hopes about about anything.

Pairing: Smoker x GN!reader

Warnings: Angst, character death (you asked for it), mild descriptions of injury, mentions of blood, implied smut (mildest of spice), unbeta’d if that is a warning

***

The OP was supposed to be a simple one. Get in, do reconnaissance, stay under the radar, come back with what info they needed on the pirate crew, get out.

No one thought Big Mom herself was going to recognize Y/N, because you were good at your job. You had been spying for the government for years, you’d worked with Smoker as one of his subordinates, had infiltrated countless pirate crews, revolutionary bases, treasonous scum that thought they could get away with anything, and had always succeeded in your job.

Lay low, go unnoticed, get the info, come back to him. It was a perfectly organized system that was like clock work, each gear turning for the purpose of civilian protection, and justice.

Until now.

Blood soaked the beach he was kneeling on, who’s it was, he had no idea. Could be his, was probably the pirates’ that were scattered around the Vice-Admiral like debris after a storm, but what infuriated him most was it was most definitely yours.

Wheezes, broken and wet, escaped from your lips, swollen eyes looking up into stoic grey that was like looking into twin hurricanes. Anger, righteous and intense, swirled around with frustration, concern, grief, and an emotion you knew from your quiet moments between soft sheets and the hard planes of his body.

So gentle you barely felt it, he lifted you from the sand like something precious, your blood dripping down his arms and pooling beneath your broken body. Your eyes, swollen and bruised, squinted up at him and a soft smile cracked painfully across your lips.

“Hey handsome” you rasped, a cough that was soaked with blood spurting out. Smoker put a large hand through your matted hair, jaw clenching as he tightened his hold on you.

“I’m gonna get you to the ship’s infirmary” he seethed through his teeth, the usual multiple cigars he kept there like pacifiers long gone. He made to get up, but the cry that came from your lips was shrill and heartbreaking. He immediately stopped, holding you to his chest in a hold soft enough for a newborn.

“I know it hurts, but you need-“

“Do you remember Alabasta?”

Smoker stopped, looking down at your broken body that had the audacity to be giving him the smile that always managed to make his heart flutter in his chest like a crushing school girl’s. He swallowed thickly, not trusting his voice and opting for a nod.

“You were such a baby about Strawhat, I thought you were going to implode when he had his crew mate save your life.” You reached a trembling hand to his face, stroking the rough stubble of his jaw. Almost involuntarily, Smoker leaned into the soft touch, turning his head to kiss your palm as memories of their time on the desert island came to mind.

It had been the first time you had ever yelled at him, calling him reckless and blind. Telling him you were thankful for Strawhat, grateful he had saved his “stupid, sorry, ass” so you had the chance to give him a piece of your mind. He had retaliated with a practiced speech about being your superior, about how you should worry more about your job than what he was doing, how you shouldn’t talk to him like that.

Then you had the nerve to yell at him that you didn’t have a choice but to worry about him. When he yelled at you back about the why, instead of answering him you kissed him square on the mouth.

Their first kiss was in the moment, it was all teeth clacking and sudden and Smoker had been blindsided, but also hadn’t been. The two of you had been flirting with the line between officer and government agent for months at that point, subtle glances and bold, shameless flirting on your part had morphed into soft and subtle touches and hours of listening to you talk about everything and anything.

When the shock of it had worn off a second after you started kissing him, he hadn’t expected for himself to kiss you back. He had adjusted your chin, softened the kiss, and wrapped his arms possessively around your waist and lifted you, your legs wrapping around his own waist in a way that sent chills down his spine as he carried you to his desk. He set you down upon it, gentle as can be, but your legs stayed around his waist, his hips grinding into yours in a way that had him growling. Your lips had been like soft, plush, velvet on his own chapped ones, tongue sinful in its exploration, running against his to beg for entrance.

The two of you broke apart, you were panting, your face flush as you put your head on his chest and listened to the quick thumping of his heart. He smelled like a cigar, a hint of sweet fruit in a haze of earth and smoke that always managed to make your head spin. A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth as you licked the taste of him from them.

“I worry about you because I care about you Smoker” you looked up at him, your eyes twinkling in the soft glow of the sunlight coming in through the porthole of his cabin “probably more than what’s appropriate for a working relationship, but I don’t want to hide it anymore.” You put your hand on his face, stroking the apple of his cheek in a way no one had ever dared touch him before “if you don’t want this though, we can stop right now and never talk about it a-“

Smoker was kissing you again, softer but with a passion that turned your whole body into jelly that molded into his. It was brief, too brief for your liking but he was looking at you with a smoldering gaze that promised more.

“We do this, we tell no one.” He said with conviction “I can’t have my subordinates thinking I have favorites, and fraternizing could get me and you in a lot of trouble.”

You nodded, understanding alighted in your eyes as you coyly bit your kiss swollen bottom lip.

“If that means I get to see your smoke powers at work in the bedroom, I’ll take an oath of silence”

He felt his body react, his hardened length against your thigh making you squeeze your legs together, bringing him impossibly closer.

Smoker’s chest tightened at the memory.

“I’m glad” you said, swollen gaze growing distant “that it all happened the way it did. The last year and a half has been the best of my life” another cough, violent and cracking in its intensity that it had you whimpering into Smokers chest, and his eyes were burning with the tears that were inevitable now.

“Y/N-“ Smoker started, the deep rumble of his voice cracking “baby, you’re gonna be fine, let’s just-“ he took a breath, steeling himself to try and lift you up again, but your head falling limp against his chest stopped him, made the breath leave his lungs and, for the first time in a very long time, Smoker felt true terror grip his careful self control.

“Y/N?” His voice, so unlike the commanding bass it usually was, soft and broken as the body he held “Y/N? Sweetheart c’mon, wake up” he shook you, your head lolling to one side and then the next awkwardly, before it rested back on his chest and Smoker realized your uneven breathing had stopped, the rasping, painful breaths gone quiet and the only sounds to be heard on the bloodied beach were Smoker’s own uneven hyperventilating “Y/N please! You-you can’t do this! Baby, c’mon-open those pretty eyes, please! Y/N? Y/N!”

He held on tight to your body as he slowly broke down, the tears running rivers down his face that had smudges of your blood on it from holding your body up to it, his face buried into your hair as if he could revive you if he held on a little tighter, begged a little harder to whatever god or devil would listen. His cries broke through the silence, their only companion the lapping of water against the sand and gore. He rocked back and forth, clinging to your lifeless body like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the earth.

That was how Tashigi found her Vice-Admiral, sobbing into your hair as he begged you to wake up. Her heart shattered into a million pieces, but she had to keep him moving, had to remind him of the duty he still held.

“Vice-Admiral Smoker?” She breathed, caution in her tone, heartbreak threatening to pull her under when his breath caught. He looked up at Tashigi with a tsunami of emotions that she had never seen him display. Heartbreak and grief worked in tandem to make the ever stoic and statuesque officer crumble to his knees.

“I’ve gathered the survivors of our platoon, we’re awaiting your orders, sir”

There was a pregnant pause that seemed to stretch for an eternity, Smoker looking down at his dead lover, the emotions that had been raging across his face draining from his being, and was replaced once again with the careful stoicism that his position required of him.

He got up slowly, you still cradled against his chest as he looked out at the horizon. It was another long moment before he spoke.

“We bury our dead, then we take the fight to the one who started this.” There was a fury in his words that struck fear into Tashigi, a fear for how reckless her Vice-Admiral was about to be against a Yonko.

“But Smo-“

“Did I fucking stutter?” He whipped his head around, the grey of his eyes burning with an unbridled rage that seemed barely contained “I’m not gonna rest until every last piece of filth that carries the name of Charlotte are wiped from every ocean from the East Blue to Raftel.” He glanced down at the body in his arms, a soft, broken look before the rage hit again.

“They’re gonna pay for what they’ve taken, I’ll make sure of it personally.”

#smoker #one piece #Smoker x reader #Smoker One Piece #angst #crying #character death #tashigi

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