been looking for jobs for three years and in the past two months ish I’ve gotten for the first time my first job interview and for a different job my first job essay.
(I did have an actual job as a comic colorist for like six months but nobody around me considered it a Real Job so I feel like I just never have a job even though I very much did.)
and each time, during the interview where I know realise I was kind of being explained the whole time why I wouldn’t get the job and at the end of the essay(which might not be the right word, like a day we’re your try out the job to see if you can do it) one of the reasons given why I wouldn’t be taken it was ‘we need people who can smile’.
(there were actual argument like being ‘too introverted’ and ‘not dynamic enough’. That last one is funny because i had another ‘almost pass out for no reasons’ moment right for break time (genuinely perfect timing) during the essay and while I was cold sweating and going blind on the bathroom floor I realised, if anyone ever know I have health issues I will never get a job. So being told I wasn’t dynamic enough a fourty something minutes later was straight up comedic).
Back to the smiling, my entire life since I was a literal baby I’ve been told I wasn’t expressing the Right Way. ‘If you feel a specific way you Have to emote this specific way, act this specific way and not do anything else otherwise you’re not actually feeling what you say you’re feeling, it means you’re actually lying, faking it or don’t know what you’re actually feeling because your not showing it the Right Way’ and obviously I’ve dismissed this my entire life because I was sure it was obvious and everyone knew that everyone exist differently and people don’t act the same. I kind of assume everyone that ever bothered me about it was some flavor of 1 having a day and decided to being weird about it to me or anyone else that was also not existing the correct way. 2 just kind of an asshole and therefor they’re opinion didn’t matter. 3 just kind of strange about thing and so be it, ´not my problem tho’ I thought.
But seeing how it’s an actual argument people have use twice now to refuse me a job I’m kind of being thinking, it might actually, for real, be a thing people actually are worried about, actually. Which is wild, but also make sense because people have very much for my whole life, to me and to a ton of strangers, made comments on folks not existing the proper way. Like how in horror someone being slightly off, slightly wrong, a little bit not how it usual should be is the trope of all time. And I love this trope, someone who’s voice is in differed from how they mouth work, someone who seems to not walk directly on the floor but just slightly above it. It’s fun and interesting.
Anyway, real life stuff, being told I’m not smiling enough is wild, like yeah I don’t smile much at all that’s a fact, and both job were about interacting with people and every time you go to a restaurant you’ll ear someone saying out of nowhere mean thing about people who work there. Insane things like ‘I don’t like the way they’re standing’ and over analysing someone expression and body languages when they’re literally just doing their job.
This post is kind of a mess but I had a point which was, I don’t understand people and why are so many mean for no reasons but I wanted it to sound less like a kid complaining and be more verbose about it.
And (this isn’t over yet) I did force myself to smile, like I very much did, I tried my best to be as pleasant and polite as possible. And being told again, this isn’t enough, just suck. Like I have to mask and hide and deal with so much I kind of expected that of all thing I was allowed to keep my face. Like people have bothered me about it my entire life and I’ve dismissed it my entire life because it just did not make sense and I couldn’t make it make sense(still can’t). But I’m genuinely at lost at what to do about it, if apparently I also have to change my face to get a job, that I need to exist the correct way in order to have the damn job in order to exist at all is all so, Not Good.
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I NEED BEAUTIFUL WOMEN TO COMFORT ME I FUCKED UP NALDTHAL IN MY AGLAIA (ALLIROUL BTW. WHAT LUCK. WHAT LUCK I WAS SO OVERJOYED) CUZ I HAVENT BEEN THERE IN 2 MONTHS AND I WAS RDM INSTEAD OF MY MAIN (BLM) AND I FUCKED UP MY OPENER ON ACCIDENT. PLEASE COMFORT ME IM STILL EMBARRASSED BECAUSE WE DID A READYCHECK AJD I PULLED TWO SECONDS EARLY
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"10too however is very much not that. He has the same mind up to christmas invasion AND THEN NONE OF THE CHARACTER GROWTH WHATSOEVER FROM TEN. HE NEVER EXPERIENCED LOSING ROSE IN DOOMSDAY AND SKIPPED MARTHA ENTIRELY AND SKIPPED WILF AND MISS MINOGUE AND ALL OF DONNA UP TIL the end of turn left and then stolen earth/journey’s end"
youre kidding right? he has all the memories that ten has up until that dalek shoots him in the street. how else would he even know wtf was going on?? once again. ONLY HIS PHYSICAL FORM grew from the hand. the regeneration energy--which is the ESSENCE of the doctor, was after he was shot in the stolen earth. it's the SAME guy. in a different body.
and he quite clearly doesnt have donna's mind because on 2 separate occasions in the show, she says something and BOTH doctors say "we didn't think of that". he is a BIOLOGICAL metacrisis. not a psychological one. that's why he is sustainable and donna isnt
do you really think ten would leave rose with anyone unless he was 100% sure it was a version of him that could give her everything he wanted to but never could?
wow.
someone's big mad of my theoretical observation (one of many many many) that dared to conflict against your own about a ship so stale over time that when we finally get merch for it - its only for the power of the doctor event just to rob us of more jo martin!doctor/fugitive doctor merch and extremely bland roseten audio adventures. and the one mention of rose with nine with ten present in a marketed event by bbc and big finish ad titan comics and - ten literally doesnt give a shit about her but severely effected by losing donna as if she was the love of his life instead of rose. right there. you know. crumbs and dust.
however, i am glad you chose to read all that under the cut to match the length. as well as then choosing to ignore a very real terror they seem to be inflicting on tentoo thru the eyes of rose. you a real trooper🫡
how'd you beat the text limit in an ask?
OH THE DALEK SCENE?? OH I GOT A OBSERVATION YOU REALLY GONNA HATE IT IF THIS IS THE ENERGY YOU WANNA BRING. but. meh. does it need saying?
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