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#WAIT I JUST REALISED ITS BEEN LIKE LITERAL YEARS SINCE I LAST MADE AN IRL FRIEND AHDKHSJDJ im so fucked
continuumitgirl · 1 year
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hi!!
so i’ve known ab subliminals, manifesting, shifting for a while, but always had minimal success. i was never able to get the ‘big’ things i wanted.
but since being on tumblr, i learnt about STATES. which i had previously known about when i had read the power of awareness by neville goddard. unfortunately, that didn’t last long as i started watching manifesting gurus on youtube and got clouded with information again. (no hate to sammy ingram) But i watched her a lot. and i never got that much movement even tho i was consistent, it would make me feel guilty if i was t affirming enough. and i would beat myself up, saying to myself “if u really want this, u need to affirm more”. i would do the 10k challenge, 10 min stuff, but it was soooo overwhelming. so much stress because i wanted so many things, and i felt like i didn’t have enough time, i had other stuff to do, so even tho i was consistent, i would stress myself out, wondering if i was doing enough, doing it right, etc.
this mindset was toxic, although i didn’t realise it then. i just would get so upset because i trying to hard. which is why it also took me a min to realise.. that i shouldn’t be trying that hard to get something … u either have it or u don’t! so anyways, one or two weeks ago, i came on here because i was done. i wanted my desires. enough. At first i got swayed by the void stuff, which made me put it on a pedestal . which made me angry, i was like bro not this shit again. i don’t wanna waste another months or years. and somehow i stumbled across states. i’ll admit it took me a second to grasp. i re read the power of awareness. and realised it is simple, once i understood it, i deleted tumblr and focused on my life, while occupying my ideal state.
One thing that i’ve been wanting a lot is to travel this year. I travelled last year a bit with my friend and spent 3 months in another country during the summer and it was phenomenal: i wanted this again for 2023. I want to live my life yk.
Well this morning my mum woke me up to tell me we are going on 2 holidays. one next month and one in easter. Athens, Greece and Verona and Venice, Italy.
i was like omg this is amazing ?? we had talked a bit about it and every time we did i was like “yes. we’re going” in my head. and today we booked those holidays.
Now what’s so special about this? Well i made a pinterest board end of 2022 with places i wanna go def this year!! every time i looked at this board i was like “it’s done” [just the way i think ab every desire, because it is done, it’s mine, it literally comes from my consciousness so it’s inseparable to me]
and yeah!! i have 2 other places on this pinterest board but it’s literally the 31st of January 2023 rn and we’ve already booked for 2 of them so that’s a fucking success. i’m so confident more than ever about my power and how the 3D truly is just a reflection of my consciousness/ state i dwell on often!!!!!
yeah as u can see i literally have athens, venice, paris and amsterdam pics on here as a vision board :))))
i want to thank @0t0mie @lotusmi and @angelsinluv (also to twitter users that explanation states v well and posted motivating content . i don’t rlly use twitter for loa stuff cus my irl friends follow me there but there’s a community over there i would lurk on that encouraged states and helped me understand that the mindless affirming in aim to TRY and get ur manifestation was pointless)
anyways i cannot wait to post more loa success stories. this way of manifesting not only makes so much sense once u grasp it. it literally is so fucking easy and effortless 😩 cannot believe it took me this look to figure it out but honestly its fine. my desires are already mine now. that’s all that matters 😎💪
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malfoysstilinski · 3 years
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girl in the mirror pt2 | DRACO MALFOY
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MASTERLIST
PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x Muggle!Reader
SUMMARY: part two of girl in the mirror. draco meets his soulmate for the first time. she’s pretty cool for a muggle, but reveals something that has him heading back to hogwarts a little less than happy. 
WARNINGS: none i think?  
A/N: i dont think americans have houses and i assume most of my readers are american,, so in case its confusing obviously theyre like harry potter houses, but jk rowling made it ten times more dramatic and a main part of her story. we dont really care about houses irl. 
Explaining to you that Draco was a wizard was one of the most frustrating and hardest things the blond boy had ever had to do. Only hours later were you starting to reluctantly believe that he was telling the truth. He’d been reluctant to tell you, but since you were his soulmate, you were allowed to know. You had the right. 
The pair of you hadn’t even realised how much time had gone by, sat on your bed as you stare at him unsurely. 
“You look as though you still don’t believe me,” Draco says. “I’ve shown you my wand.”
“Yes, but you’ve not shown me any real magic, have you?” You raise an eyebrow, folding your arms across your chest. 
“I told you, I have to wait a few months ‘till I’m seventeen,” Draco reminds you with a roll of the eyes. “Then I’ll show you something.”
You sigh, not wanting to believe him but having a funny feeling that he was telling the truth. I mean, how else could you explain the fact that he had literally fallen through your mirror? 
“So... We’re soulmates,” you repeat from earlier, before the two of you had fought over whether or not Draco was really a wizard. 
“Yeah,” Draco whispers with a nod. “You know what that is, right?”
“I guess,” you mumble, hugging your arms closer to yourself. “But why is your soulmate not... magic as well?”
Draco shrugs. “Happens sometimes,” he says. “Never ever to a Malfoy...” He looks a little paler as he says so. “But I suppose there’s a first for everything.”
You wonder why it’s a big deal for a member of his family to be put with ‘a Muggle’ as he had called you before. 
“Enough about me,” Draco claps his hands together when he sees the clogs in your brain turning. “Let me find out about you. Please. I’ve been wondering about you since the day I turned thirteen.”
“There’s not much to say,” you sigh. “I guess I just go to school... come home... homework... maybe hang out with friends sometimes.” 
Draco seems interested despite your negative mood, sitting up straighter with an eager look behind his silver eyes and an encouraging small smile on his face.
 He looks odd sat on your bed. He truly does look like some sort of magical being with his pale features and icy hair, and the black suit and turtleneck and polished shoes make him look like he belongs truly where he says he’s from-- a castle or something. Not your bedroom that screams twenty-first century teenage girl.  
“Well, tell me about school,” Draco suggests, glancing you over. “Your tie is red. Is that your house?”
You glance down with a frown, pulling at your tie. “Hm? Oh, no. I’m in Austen. The yellow house.”
Draco frowns. “Is that good or bad?”
You frown back, raising a brow at him. “I mean... we won the most house points last year? Not really a big deal. Oh, and we won house games, like, two years in a row.”
“Not a big deal?” Draco scoffs. “Well done, Y/N! That is a great deal.”
You stare at him like he’s grown two heads. “Thanks? I’m assuming houses are a big deal at your school?”
“Well, of course,” he says rather arrogantly. “I’m a Slytherin. How were you sorted into your house? Do you take personality quizzes in the Muggle world?”
“No,” you giggle slightly and Draco’s heart skips a beat at the sound. “You just get put into whatever house depending on what tutor group you’re in. I switched from green to yellow half way through secondary school because our tutor group got full.”
Draco had never looked so confused. He wonders how Muggles are even motivated to do well when their house points don’t even really mean anything to them. 
He knows a few things about Muggles-- he knows they definitely do not play Qudditch on flying brooms and would much rather play football. He guesses their house games are like that. 
“My tie’s red because I’m a prefect,” you say and reach into your bedside drawer, producing a red badge with ‘prefect’ written in gold on it. 
Draco’s grin brightens, taking it from you as he scans it over. “Oh, they look just like ours!”
You laugh at his eagerness. “That’s good.”
There’s a moment of silence and Draco peers at all of the records placed on your wall. He stands and moved to look at some of the vinyl covers, pointing at your The Neighbourhood one, releasing a huff of air past his nose and glancing over his shoulder back at you. 
“You listen to this one all the time,” Draco states. “I like the one about jumper weather or something.”
You laugh and nod. “Sweater Weather. It’s a good song...” You trail off. “You know, I don’t really understand your music. You only seem to listen to classical.” 
“That’s me,” Draco says, scratching the back of his neck. “Playing the piano. I don’t- I don’t really listen to music much. I never really have to when you listen to it 24/7 anyway.”
You look away with a small blush on your face, bashful. “Sorry.”
“No, no, no,” Draco moves to sit beside you on your bed. “I love it, actually. It makes assemblies less boring and sleeping in a dorm far more bearable.” 
“I’m glad,” you say. “Do you want to listen to something now?”
Draco’s breath hitches because it’s all he’s ever wanted. He nods slowly, scared that you would laugh in his face and take your suggestion back. You grab your phone off of your bedside table and press shuffle on a playlist. Draco can’t believe how weird it is to hear your music playing but not have it muffled in his ears as if he was underwater. 
He watches with parted lips as you slide down so you’re laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling. Draco looks at you like you put the stars and the moon in the sky. You might be just a Muggle, but you’re magic to him. The true definition of it. 
Slowly, unsure if he’s crossing a line or not, Draco slides down so he’s lying beside you on your bed, on his back like you. You both stare at your ceiling and he notices that you have constellations painted on it. He nearly melts when he sees ‘Draco’, one of the biggest ones. 
He slides his hand down the small gap in between you and hesitantly holds your hand before guiding it up above your heads. It’s not like real stargazing, but Draco likes it. Maybe one day he would be able to sneak you to the Astronomy Tower and show you the same sky he stares at most nights. 
“That’s Draco,” he says. 
You smile as you turn to face him and Draco shuffles to face you too, the only sounds being your small breaths and an Arctic Monkeys song playing behind you. 
“Maybe I always knew?” You suggest. 
“Maybe,” Draco chuckles back and turns to look up at the ceiling. 
You spend a few seconds admiring his side profile; his sharp jaw and the strength of his nose. It’s hard to be scared of the stranger when he’s so beautiful and feels so familiar. Like a puzzle piece you’d been looking for. 
“You’ve only been playing sad songs recently,” Draco says quietly after a little bit. “Is everything okay with you? I was worried... so I asked my friend to teach me how to do the mirror trick.”
You frown a little at the reminder and immediately grow embarrassed. You’re not sure if you should make up a lie or try to change the subject, but Draco seems really concerned and you’d feel awful lying. 
“My... Well, um, my boyfriend broke up with me,” you say awkwardly. 
You feel Draco stiffen beside you. He sits up after a few seconds. He knows it’s not really your fault but he can’t help feeling jealous and angry. He swallows as he stares at a spot on your carpet, unsure how to feel knowing that his soulmate had been with another person. 
He needed a moment to think. He didn’t want to scare you with his harsh words or looks.
“I should get back,” Draco mutters, trying to make his voice sound strong as he stands.
“Draco, I--”
“It’s nearly what? Four in the morning? I should of been going ages ago anyway,” he forces you a grim smile as he heads towards the mirror. “I’ll try and talk to you tomorrow, Y/N.”
You watch with a saddened expression as Draco slips his hand through the glass or your mirror and is suddenly gone. You push yourself up from the mattress and rush over, your fingertips brushing it but coming to a dead end. You blink back tears, wondering if you had just imagined the entire thing. 
You stare into the mirror, unaware that Draco is sadly staring back. 
...
i know it’s a lil dramatic but that’s draco for you and teen love in general tbh 
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seokahwrites · 3 years
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growing pains
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back to masterlist
pairing.
| high school graduate! min yoongi x high school junior! reader
summary.
| people always said you must let go of what you love, and you finally understand what it means.
tags.
| i am so sorry; this comes from a PERSONAL trauma; i love writing angst; blond yoongi supremacy; ykw min yoongi supremacy in general; reader is emotionally mature asf; reader is girlboss; you could say this could be canon/irl?
a/n.
| sorry for all my nuisance readers that are waiting for the next chapters :P IDK WHEN IMMA PICK THAT UP AGAIN. but i present this min yoongi angst that made me very happy to write, tbh came close to tears while writing it. sorry if the writing is kinda everywhere, hope yall like it tho <33 as always thank u for the massive support and love,, love u all
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you weren’t quite sure where all the time went. one day you were brushing your teeth for your first day of school, then boom, you’ve finished your third year of high school. it’s similar to how just yesterday you were helping a tiny kid pick up his soiled cd’s and backpack from a puddle and eleven years later you’re watching him graduate.
well, you didn’t get to actually see yoongi graduate since you were too busy making preparations for the night, but that’s besides the point. tonight had to be perfect.
it is goodbye after all.
who knew that the inseparable min yoongi and y/n l/n would ever have to pull away from each other this way. that little shit better appreciate all the spine bending effort you put into making the spot so amazing — not that it wasn’t great before.
with a literal pat to the back and your hands on your hips, you look around the roof with an uncontainable grin, the flashes of purple and blue from the string lights reflected on the gloss of your eyes, every inhale was overtaken with the smell of coffee seeping from the ice cream tubs and a warm seat on the patio couch awaited, along with fuzzy blankets galore.
you’ve outdone yourself this time.
your hands lean against the cold stone at the edge of the terrace and your eyes wandered to the city that laid beneath your feet, from the green hills at the centre of it all to the luminescence of the glass buildings, there wasn’t a single droplet of air that didn’t feel like home.
tap, tap.
speaking of home, you hear familiar soft footsteps from the staircase, snapping you from your little daze and guiding your way to the entrance, your jazz hands in the air and a smile on your face. god, he was gonna love it.
“surprise!”
yoongi reacts a moment too late, his head snapping up and his graduation cap almost falling from his head. the boy was clad with a blue gown, he looked so mature for a mere second — but it was yoongi after all. his eyes widen before his peach lips make a silent “oh,” the entirety of his gums and teeth making an appearance along with the plumping of his cheeks. your heart falters for a moment at the sight, even worse when his eyes disappear into crescent moons that were surely stolen from the sky.
min yoongi looks pretty. not only that, but min yoongi was ecstatic.
“wow,” his head looked from left to right and top to bottom, “the spot looks great.”
you follow him with tiny steps and once you’re close enough to the couch, you push yoongi onto the plush seat, heading to the cooler and grabbing the ice cream, “i just put a few lights and blankets to be honest,” you take a seat beside him and he covers the both of you with the stack of blankets, “it wasn’t a lot of trouble, really.”
yoongi throws away his graduation cap and wiggles out of the flimsy gown, brushing his fingers through his platinum hair and taking a deep breath before snatching the spoon from your hold, “it’s still perfect.”
come on, y/n. pull yourself together. you tell yourself, but it’s hard when yoongi of all people is sitting beside you under the moonlight, stuffing his mouth with ice cream and glowing.
your memory isn’t quite clear as to when exactly did yoongi stop existing to you but glowing, instead. there’s so many moments to remember.
perhaps it was actually the very first moment you laid eyes on him. your rubber boots were muddy and your yellow raincoat was absolutely drenched, no puddle escaped from your stomps. but just as you were a few houses away from yours you see a figure laying beside a puddle and you realise that maybe that person did not want to be laying down in the cold rain.
and all it took was for you to pick up a kid’s shit from a pool of dirty water to meet min yoongi and shortly after, you were practically attached at the hip.
or it very well could be the night before your big sister moved away, your sobs must’ve escaped through the open windows because min yoongi was knocking at your door in no time — the signature two fast knocks and two slow ones. you were only an 11 year old who had never experienced such a change, and it only dawned upon you that night.
yoongi stayed with you for hours on end until you fell asleep on his lap, still with trembling breaths, but your mind eventually steered away from the fact you weren’t going to annoy your sister before going to school every morning anymore — she can’t put up with you during college — and it focused on yoongi’s cold fingers stroking through every strand of your hair ever so delicately and how warm he actually felt.
and there you were, the same kids with your head on his shoulder only this time, he was the one leaving.
“what’s up with you?” he asks as if he had read your mind.
you pull your hood over your head and you smile a bit for whatever reason, “i don’t wanna talk about it.”
he flicks your forehead, the fucker. the abuse makes you sit up, glaring at him with incredulous eyes and you’re about to say a profanity but he beats you to it, “we need to talk about it, y/n.”
and it pains you how nonchalant he sounds.
you slap your hands to your knees and purse your lips, “fine.”
yoongi finally puts down the ice cream — only a spoon of it left. “we both knew this was coming since freshman year, y/n.”
you scoff, as if knowing a goodbye was coming makes it any easier. “that doesn’t make it better.”
his hand makes its way to yours, placed on top of your fist, that melts into an open palm, with utter ease. still, you pull away, “please, don’t do that.”
and you wince at your own tone. it wasn’t like it’s yoongi’s fault that he’s moving away forever. or maybe it was.
it was unfair of you to say, but the weight on your chest had to have a reason, someone to blame. as yoongi’s best friend, of course you love him more than anything in the world and you’ll always support whatever decisions he needs to make to properly follow his dreams. but as the person that plays with the line of friends and more with yoongi, you almost want to beg him to stay. to stay so he could — for lack of a better word — like you, now isn’t that selfish.
yoongi blinks slowly, “we’ve talked about this y/n.”
ah, of course you have. you’ve talked about whatever the fuck this was several times, some of them were in between your interlaced fingers, others resided in the silence as you slept in the same bed and a lot of them echoed from your bitter words. but, once again, is that supposed to make things better?
the day you told him what you really felt for him is crystal clear in your memory, not only for the painful pubescent confession but yoongi’s own news he needed to share. perhaps your relationship was always ill-fated, yoongi had a scraped knee while you reeked of rainwater and you uttered an i love you while yoongi announced he couldn’t stay by your side. the irony.
your eyes are glassy with unspilled tears when you look up at him. why were you so weak?
“stop acting like it isn’t hard on me too,” he sniffles and shuts his eyes with more force than necessary. oh.
you bite your lip and look away at the guilty sight, afraid of what may come out if you don’t. but, if he does know of the turmoil you feel, why is he still insisting?
cold fingers meet your jaw, pushing you with that same delicacy from years ago until you meet his own concealed bloodshot eyes, “you’re not the only person who’s been in—,” he stumbles with his words, “—liked the other for the last decade, you know?”
why did he have to say it out loud? he’s only making it sound real.
maybe, it was actually your fault. if you hadn’t decided to tell yoongi of the butterflies in your stomach, you could’ve pushed them away and let the fantasy live as fiction. but no, you told him about the damn critters and they’ve been eating away at your core ever since, desperate to come out because min yoongi liked you and he was right in front of you ready to be liked right back, yet you could never reach him.
min yoongi was fishing stars from atop jupiter and you were still dancing on saturn’s rings.
you lean into his touch, placing your own hand on his and chuckling at his cheesy line, “that’s just how lucky i am,” and your attempt at humour makes the corners of yoongi’s mouth lift just a little bit.
his thumb glides on the skin it could reach, “so can’t we just have a night like every other one we’ve spent together?”
classic min yoongi.
but as to yourself, you were sick of ignoring things. you were tired of how your heart throbbed whenever you’d fit your face into yoongi’s neck so effortlessly, as if it was only natural; tired of your cheeks along with the rest of your skin burning with every thoughtless caress and sweet nothings he would whisper at the dead of night; and you were tired of your eyes prioritising yoongi’s soft lips over every other feature on his face and how much you yearned to touch them with your own — of how you’d always catch his gaze mirroring yours.
a person could only take so much and you were bursting at the seams already.
still, you only nod.
the silence became unbearable by the minute, even with your head on his shoulder and your hands in his pocket, there was so much that wanted to get out — yoongi would only need to say the right wrong words for all of it to come spilling out. so you speak first, making sure that doesn’t happen.
“it’s gonna be weird without you, y’know?”
you feel his cheeks puff up, subtle as ever “of course,” he squeezes your pinky out of pure habit, “who’s gonna make home cooked meals for me if you mom ain’t around,” and you wish you could white out the blue in his words.
“i swear—,” you chuckle and cross your arms, lifting your head to stare back at the constellations, “—she probably cried more than me when i told her you were leaving.”
before the words could echo back in your head, your eyes are back on yoongi and the boy is staring at the floor with a flood threatening to break out from his eyes.
you just had to open your mouth, huh.
your mouth forms incoherent noises in a miserable attempt to make up for your little slip up, but to no avail. yoongi only shakes his head and looks at you, the way his shoulders slumped exposing that he was trying just as hard to pull it together, maybe even harder.
“me too,” he utters, and you don’t fully understand what he means by that.
a bubble seems to form around the both of you, locking you in your own little world with yoongi, as it always happens when you let him entrance you for a moment too long, and in those seconds that spread to hours you just want to float away, you’re not sure where to but the gloss in his eyes are enough to guide the way.
“y/n,” don’t, “i’m gonna mi—.”
pop.
“please don’t,” you hate the venom that seeps from your tongue, “please stop, yoongi.”
and you want your tears to come thundering over your cheeks, for the red you’re holding in to shoot out from your heart, just so you could show him an inch of what you’re feeling. but you can’t. you shouldn’t.
yoongi’s soft eyes sharpen, “why don’t you want me to say it?”
no, no. that’s a lie.
of course you want to hear him say it. you want yoongi’s voice to sing every word of affection he has to tell you, you want to be wrapped with the smell of yoongi’s embrace, for him to whisper every sin for only your ears to hear and you want nothing more than to remain in every moment you’ve spent with him.
you look down, “if you say things out loud, they might come true.”
he races to grip your hands over his lap, “but it is.”
it is, it is, it is.
you blink away your tears before gazing back at your little piece of the sky, a smile never present in his pouty lips, yet you still read every pore of his skin like the back of your hand.
“yoongi,” you despise your sniffling tone, “let’s face the facts. you’re gonna be hundreds of kilometres away in a big city, i’m gonna be stuck in our little neighbourhood for who knows how long and all we can do is try to forget each other,” your voice breaks, “what could it possibly lead to?”
as you said those words, the reality of it all was coming to hit you with a second wave. the crack of what you both hoped to be was audible in the sounds of you settling back into yoongi’s hold, the silent sobs — that you convinced yourself came from the moon and stars, not from your min yoongi — even more so from the silence that came after your speech.
you could’ve asked yoongi to stay, of course you could have — you wanted it more than anything else. but you knew that he would stay and change his mind in a heartbeat if it was for you, and you couldn’t allow your boy to throw away his dreams for something as meaningless as love — or at least, you try to convince yourself it is.
perhaps yoongi would move on, he would find another person and start a family, have three children and a beautiful house and he’d be living off from all the music he gave to the world all this years ago, just like he always dreamed. perhaps you’d only be a fond memory he would look back on from time to time whenever he’d laugh at old memories after a few drinks with his beloved.
or maybe — and dare you say, hopefully — yoongi would never move on, he would work around the clock with the thought of coming back into your arms and nothing else. he would never leave his cheap tiny studio, only stepping outside during the rise of the moon and he would look at the stars, remembering that a person in daegu is in love with him with all they’ve got and that would be enough to keep him company. because you know for a fact, for the way your heart beats at the mere thought of him, that you would never stop loving min yoongi.
at the present, side by side breathing is more than enough.
“the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”
and he truly is.
“i can die happy.”
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should i make a permanent taglist? idk TELL ME IF U WANNA BE IN IT
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failed221b-chill · 3 years
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getting to know you tag
thanks for the excuse to talk about myself some more!! @hearteyeswangji 💖
why did you choose your url?
It's a lyric from my fav song I'm Yours byJason Mraz (if thats a basic one to have have fav song idc I have liked it since I was very young and it still makes me smile very much!!!) that I tweaked from 'tried to be chill' into 'failed to be chill' because at the time literally nothing about me was chill at all. Now, I'm much more chill irl but love having my blog as a mess of chaos and obsessions. I'm not suuuper pleased that it contains the word 'failed' but I also think seeing it on the regular might have had an impact in desensitising me to fear of failure because no failedtobechill is my happy place!!!
And then, truly a ridiculous amount of years later, I realised i could make it a sherlock pun with the 221b and this blog and my heart will always and forever be a tjlcer waiting for season five (until season five arrives as planned... eventually) so it is very onbrand.
any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them:
So i had a whole theme of sideblogs that were all named after different lyric tweaks from the same song as above... but i deleted most of them along the years and just merged them all on main.
The sideblogs I still have are my old study blog that I used Very Sporadically for like maybe one year of undergrad uni and is somewhat an archive of the contradictory nightmare and joy that final year was and so i can't bring myself to delete it. @givin-it-my-bestest and my other one is jsut me saving my original url pre-the sherlock pun, @failed2be-chill and my Original url when I first joined tumblr that I kept for many many years and again just keep the url saved but don't do anything with the blog @vatican-cameos-on-lokistardis
how long have you been on tumblr?
Pretty much all my life that I have memory of. No okay I lurked on tumblr for like a year and then got my own account to join in the immediate aftermath and hiatus of reichenbach theorising and nonsense. I have no clue what year that was but yeah. My life would have been very different if I hadn't stumbled upon tumblr and the world it opened up to me.
do you have a queue tag?
Lol no. I rarely queue things and if I do... thats no one else's business 💖
why did you start your blog in first place?
Ooops kinda already answered that. Yeah it was to join in sherlock fandom and wholock and loki fandom. I was a lonely lil teenager with no friends who shared my interests and a high sensitivity and a high tendency to obsess over stories (all very obviously parts of the ways my adhd displayed at that age and still does) and tumblr helped me go from thinking my enthusiasm was a bad thing to finding a safe space for it. Also tumblr and ff.net at the time were the only place I was seeing anything positive about gays at all... and it eventually led to me accepting my own gayness! Happy pride 🌈
why did you choose your icon?
I am obsessed with the idea that Ji Chong and Xie Yun are perfectly crafted to be each others matches and yet are on different shows entirely and so I decided to write them their own epic love story crossover fic and then I needed to rep the new brand because I Committed to this Big Time and so i saw an edit of them by @yibocheeks that was utterly perfect and I asked them if I could use it as my icon and so there we go!! (Fun fact I STILL haven't finished watching legend of fei I am enjoying dragging it out I made cql last 6 months and now I've made lof last 6 months... I have 1 and a 1/2 eps left!)
why did you choose your header?
I redesigned my blog to look pretty and joyful and appealing and part of what I find pretty and joyful and appealing is flowers so I took this photo of some flowers near my house and it worked really well as a header. It's also been a beach before. And we'll actually its been loads of things I might change it again soon. I change my header image much more regularly than i change my icon.
what's your post with the most notes?
Lmao i do not make original content enough to even know what that would be. One time many years ago i remember writing a post that was "what if acd had wanted us to give johnlock a different name and they were supposed to be called hotson?" It was very controversial i think it got 54 notes and two comments reminding me that acd didn't intend for us to give them any ship name (the hilarity of someone trying to tell a historian that was the reason I still remember it so vividly lmao like yh dude i was just doing a funny)
how many people do you follow?
I follow 494 I try to keep it under 500 for whatever random reason. This is a good amount for my dash to be replenished regularly but for there to also be moments where I have caught up and cannot infinite scroll... otherwise I would get lost on tumblr. The "you've caught up" messages are really mega helpful now I don't have to remember what the first post I saw was before I stop. It's the tiny amounts of dopamine from scrolling that get me hooked and stuck on this hellsite (affectionate)
have you ever made a shitpost?
See: johnlock might have been called hotson
how often do you use tumblr every day?
Love how this assumes correctly that I use it every day!
Ummm it's my morning paper and then at least 5 more times throughout the day and then in the evening if I'm not busy.
If I'm in executive dysfunction mode i can spend the whole 24hrs+ on tumblr but that is not healthy so I try and avoid that.
have you ever had an argument with another blog on here?
Not a visible one 👀 nah, I'm kidding i don't even post enough to have people argue with me, and I'm not an argumentative person. I like making friends!!!
how do you feel about "you must reboot this post"
I literally never reblog them. Im not here for guilt tripping nor for passing that guilt tripping message to my followers.
do you like tag games?
Yes I love talking about myself!!! It's like a lil interview which is one of, if not the only, aspects of being famous that appeals to me and I'm like... I can do a press tour from the comfort of my own home and just answer these questions instead?? Love that!!
do you like ask games?
I am not noticeable enough for people to send me asks but that's no worries, sometimes I just see an ask game post and write my own lil answers in a word doc or bullet journal. I deffo do this with the new years ask games that go round... fun tool for reflecting!
which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
Uhhh my friends I would know of none of your existences if it wasn't for this site - you're all tumblr famous 🥰💖
do you have a crush on a mutual?
All of my mutuals deserve the stars and I am choosing one star for each of them and giving them fancy names and mystical backstories ✨
Anyone who sees this and wants to do it, go for it consider yourself tagged. Anyone who has to scroll past this long ass bulk of text... my apologies I do not know how to do read mores 😅
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seoulscenarios · 6 years
Text
Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?
Genre: light angsty fluff, high school au, female reader insert
Member(s): Stray Kids’ Minho (ft. Jisung and the lads)
Word count: 2991
Warnings: light swearing, light pda at the end
Summary: you and Minho had been best friends since you could walk but it seems only you had developed a crush on him. Will a late class and a small two man production of Romeo and Juliet change his mind or does he really not like you? Featuring the rest of the crackheads with their leader, Han Jisung, love is in the air at school and a certain someone is just oblivious to it.
Authors note: based off the following request “All time fav cliché best friends to lovers with Minho (stray kids) angsty fluff where reader (preferably female) thinks her love is one sided, but turns out it’s not. Good ending”. I hope this is something to what you wanted and sorry it’s not heavy on the angst pls enjoy !!
-You and Minho had een best friends for years and you always had the tiniest crush on Minho but it escalated a lot over the summer as Minho glowed UP
-Wow u are whipped
-However whipped as you are for him he never seemed to reciprocate it
-Ever
-You even went out with on valentine’s day 3 (three?!) years in a row but his thick skull didn’t acknowledge it and just thought it was another friends doing friends things
-So, you moved on
-I mean he’s your best friend you can’t let your crush get in the way of things
-You were there for him whenever he argued with his parents or friends, he was stressed about school or failed a test and uwu
-You’re just the bestest of friends and everyone is jealous (tho most think you are dating)
-So,,,,,
-You guys always hang out in school together bc you’re in the same friendship group
-And youre in most of the same classes, so you normally walk together
-WELL
-Minho managed to make the BOTH of you late to ur first class bc his dumb ass slept through his alarm and u had to basically drag him out of bed lmao
-So u rock up late for class
-Ur teacher is NOT impressed
-So as a punishment they give u a script of a play and told to learn it by next week
-U groan when u see the title of the play
-Romeo and Juliet
- Oh no
-This won’t end well
-You glance at Minho to see if he has any reaction bc,,,,, hello ur dying on the inside and probably the outside and you can hear Jisung and felix trying to hold in their laughs at u
-(you make a mental note to beat their asses later)
-And Minho
-Is very unfazed as he flicks through the script
-Ur kinda disappointed
-I mean it’s not fair how you’re a literal MESS trying not to let the floor swallow u up in embarrassment tbh
-So,, the two of you practice outside of class at ur guys’ house and you can’t help but notice how utterly unfazed he was by this whole ordeal
-Ur both literally reciting the most well-known love story on this planet and yet,,,,, nothing
-Not an ounce of feeling that he likes you
-I mean,,, he’s not a bad actor and his romeo makes u SWOON but honestly you swoon for irl Minho not just romeo Minho
-As you stutter over some of the lovey-dovey lines u hear Minho laugh a little and tells u to redo it
-his little shit
-After a week of practice, you guys are ready to perform this goddamn piece
-I may add that ur teacher only gave you the condensed version and not the whole play
-It just so happens that the condensed version only focuses on romeo and juliet’s love
-Bc English teachers amirite?
-So the two of you turn up to class ON TIME this week, not wanting to get ur ass beat again
-And ur just the tiniest bit nervous bc !!!! hello !!!! ur performing with ur crush !!!!
-U glance over at ur seatmate Jisung who gives u a big thumbs up
-BREATHE Y/N
-Everything is going well, u don’t stutter and Minho is just the perfect romeo
-Until the final scene I may add
-As you lay “dying” as Juliet, Minho runs onto the scene and spots u laying down
-He walks up to u and goes to kneel
-BUT
-Before you both knew it, he stumbled
-And fell
-Right
-On
-Top
-Of
-You
-Lips centimetres apart from each other
-OWO what’s this
-U swear the whole class are holding their breaths and can hear ur damn heartbeat
-U stare at Minho in shock for what must have been a minute
-Neither one of you tearing ur eyes apart from the other
-It wasn’t until you hear ur teacher cough slightly that the two of you snap out of it and Minho pulls away
-He finishes the scene off with no problem and honestly,,,, u don’t even register it’s over until Minho offers his hand to help you stand up
-You grab it, flushing a hella lot bc,,,,, u nearly kissed ur crush in front of ur whole class RIP
-Ur teacher was impressed with u guys and let you off the next assignment ur class had (if only u were aware of this then u would hear the whole class esp Jisung groan)
-As u go back to ur seat,,, ur eyes drift back to Minho and ur thoughts go back to that last scene and his lips……
-“yah Y/N ! u and minho were so close I swear you were gonna kiss you shoulda seen ur face!!!!! I thought for real that Minho was just gonna plant one on you !”
-Smh Jisung
-Poor baby,,, u just sit in shock trying to concentrate
-Hint: it doesn’t work
-Ur plagued with thoughts of Minho for the rest of the day,,,,, I mean you already were but now it’s like sensory overload but with Minho
-But u know he doesn’t like you
-Lmao why would he
-He surely would’ve spoken to you about by now esp after that near kiss in class
-But this dumbass is still oblivious
-School ends and ur trying to forget about the near kiss
-But in this, you forget that Minho has a habit of walking you home
-So there he is
-Leaning on your locker waiting for you to turn up
-YOU SWOON BC NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT HOT IN SCHOOL UNIFORM FOR PETE’S SAKE
-His blazer was off, shirt sleeves rolled up, blonde hair tousled and wavy (ladies, imagine Minho like this I’m crying)
-U feel ur heart literally stutter
-I swear that’s a medical condition Y/N
-“Let’s stop by the convenience store, my treat” he smiles down at you as he moves out the way so u can get to ur locker
-Dude,,,,, u need to stop before I melt into the floor
-“Uhhhh I can’t I have,,,,,, a study session at the library gotta work on some literature stuff u know ahaha”
-Minho frowns but doesn’t react massively
-Secretly he thinks its hella cute that ur tryna avoid him but that’s for another time
-“Okay, don’t study too hard and I’ll treat you another time. Text me when you get home”
-UWU
-Anyone who overhears this would be like wow 10/10 relationship goals tbh
-U however, a self-proclaimed dumbass, don’t dwell on it too much
-You guys tend to grab food after school together
-ANYWAYS
-Minho pulls you in for a hug before leaving
-Oof ur heart is stuttering again
-How you made it to the library for ur study session is a wonder tbh
-25 minutes later finds you groaning into ur books cursing minho’s name
-That’s when u realise 2 things, 1) that wow ur a FOOL bc there is no literature homework bc of ur work from earlier and 2) Minho is very bad for your health and u gotta avoid him for ur own sake
-U walk into school with this resolve
-It doesn’t work
-Minho is in practically every single one of ur classes
-So u practically have to run from each class to avoid him
-Which leaves Minho very confused
-He doesn’t walk with anyone else from class or treat them like he does to you
-Which makes Jisung very jealous,,, bc why can’t Minho treat him like this
-Little did you know Minho has a PHAT crush on you and Jisung is PLAGUED by the both of u gushing about the other
-Jisung is MEDITATING
-So when you start avoiding him even more Minho is extremely put out bc what does he do now who does he spend time with now
-(jeongin: we’re still here hyung!!!)
-Being the good friend he is, he gives u space but is still v sad about it
-And honestly, ur sad too bc as much as you love spending time with Jisung,,,,,, he’s no Minho lmao
-One night after school Minho is kicking round the football field with the others and that’s when he realises
-He’d much rather spend his time with you
-It’s not that he doesn’t love his friends, he just happens to love you even more
-But how can he reach out to you when ur avoiding him still
-Jisung notices how glazed over Minho’s eyes and knows
-*cracks knuckles* it’s time
-Jisung sends Minho home telling him to grow some chest hair n text u lmao
-Minho does go home but does not text you bc he’s just a nervous boy
-Jisung to the lads: “now he’s gone, we gotta make a plan for the two lovebirds they’re so BLIND I’m sick of it I might just confess to Minho myself”
-Chan: “……….”
-Jisung: “that was a joke old man, let’s focus pls ladies”
-So the plan
-Was it an elaborate one?
-Definitely not
-Lmao have u seen these kids they’re a bunch of crackheads
-Baso,,,, they’re just following the classic let’s text them separately to meet up as a front but SIKE it’s just the two of you alone
-Fool proof right?
-Somehow it is???
-Shocking??
-The two of you don’t expect anything is going on
-So it’s the weekend when the plan is put into action
-It’s been 17 days since you last spoke to Minho not that you had been counting haahaha okay yesyouhaveitsnotlikeyoumisshimoranything
-You wake up to a text from Jisung saying that him, felix, hyunjin, and changbin were going for ice cream and whether you wanted to go
-Which duh??? Ice cream???
-U needed it so you dragged yourself out of bed to get ready
-Little did you know that Minho too had received a text from Woojin saying that him and the others (a.k.a the family,,,,, Woojin, chan, seungmin and jeongin) were going for ice cream
-And Minho wasn’t passing up the chance esp when there was a high probability that chan would pay lmao
-*in the master gc of getting Minho and Y/N together*
-Jisung: excellent
-So 1pm rolls by and ur there at the ice cream parlour waiting for the others to rock up
-U go to order bc honestly boys take so long to get ready istg
-As you give ur order a voice behind goes “and a matcha ice cream as well please”
-U FREEZE
-Why of all the ppl to turn up
-It’s the one ur trying to avoid
-U turn to face him
-“Minho?”
-“Y/N?”
-Felix, somewhere: beYONCE?
-Ur in shock bc 1) why is here? 2) who allowed him to look so good in white ripped jeans ur DYING HERE 3) where is everyone else?
-That’s when u realise
-Jisung is a snake and ur friendship is over
-Y/N is taking applications for a new friend who isn’t called Han Jisung thank you
-Ur heart is stuttering bc Minho looks so boyfriend ur not okay
-Safe to say those 17 days did NOTHING in swaying your crush on him
-“Is that all?” oh yikes yeah this isn’t a drama scene Y/N where ur crush confesses to u, someone has to pay at this point and the queue behind the two of u is getting impatient lmao
-You whip around blushing “uh yeah that’s everything” u reply stuttering and trying to whip out ur card
-Before you can, Minho’s arm stretches out in front of u and taps the machine in front of you
-Istg u feel butterflies in ur stomach at Minho being in such close contact with u
-U can feel the heat radiating on ur back
-You get ur ice cream and u go to leave the shop but Minho grabs your arm
-U turn to him questioningly to be met with slightly hurt eyes
-Did I do that to him?
-Yes u fool
-“Sit with me. Please?”
-How can you refuse that
-……………
-It’s so awkward
-“Are you okay? Why are you avoiding me? Did something happen? Just let me know if you’re okay?”
-Owo my heart
-“uh,, no nothing’s happening….. I’m just busy u know??? Hahaaha school is really kicking my ass”
-Minho just nods and takes a spoonful of ice cream so u do the same
-“Just let me know if I can help you in anyway, I’m always here for you. Don’t suffer alone, I hate seeing you so down?”
-………….
-…………
-Honestly,,,,, u just about melt at this
-Putting ur spoon down and u look at him
-Now or never, Y/N
-“Okay…. I’ll let you know what’s the real problem. It’s you, mr lee Minho.”
-Minho is SHOCKED why is he the problem
-“uhhhhhh”
-“Please let me finish or else I’ll never have the courage to do this again. You have no right to be stealing my heart yet again by nearly kissing me in the middle of class. Do you know how embarrassing that was, I really just wanted to kiss you and I would’ve combusted if you did but you didn’t which made it worse. Why didn’t you kiss me? I’ve literally been sending you signals for nearly two years, and that’s saying something because I saw you in your awkward teen phase and still liked you, and you haven’t even responded. So I avoided you because my heart keeps stuttering whenever I’m near you I’m surprised you can’t hear it. I mean you’re so hot I just wanna kiss you, especially since that day all I can think about is your lips as you were SO close to me this is the worst time to confess but I really like you Lee Minho.”
-And breathe Y/N
-And Minho is no better
-How dare his crush confess before he can smh
-He sits in shocked silence trying to process this information
-You, however, are dying
-That’s it, he’s not replying he doesn’t like you Y/N LEAVE
-So u try to
-But as you stand up so does Minho
-And his hand shoots out to grab your shirt and he just plants one on you ????? in the middle of a damn ice cream parlour?????
-UWU
-Ur in shock
-The man of your dreams,,,,, kissing you ???? more likely than you think ??? so u kiss him back ??? ofc u do how could you not
-It tastes of matcha and strawberry ice cream and something,,, so inherently Minho u just wanna keep kissing him tbh
-Y’all break apart and honestly,, you sit back down in shock
-“That…. Was some confession Y/N”
-“Shut up!”
-“Hey, it’s okay babe. I like you too. Sorry my confession isn’t as grand as yours but,,,, I like you and always have done”
-….
-Oh
-“So please, Y/N, be my girlfriend” his hand stretches across the table nervously
-You smile as u see his hand creep across the table and you reach for him, intertwining your fingers
-He smiles back even bigger and pulls you out of the shop
-You guys had a lot of time to make up for ajbfaiubsag
-So,,, Monday rocks around and you walk to school with Minho this time, rather than mooching in with headphones in
-You guys walk to your normal spot before school starts and Minho is telling you some story about Felix, Changbin and Hyunjin when u hear a scream and lots of wolf whistles
-Spoiler: it’s Jisung and the lads
-“YOU OWE ME MONEY I TOLD YOU THIS PLAN WOULD WORK THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS! I AM THE DOCTOR OF LOVE, HAN JISUNG”
-You laugh as you take a seat next to him as chan grumbles about his wallet being drained AGAIN by his kids’ appetites
-As the hollering quietened down Jisung taps ur shoulder
-“Sooo, you guys are official now? After years of pining ???”
-Rather than deigning Jisung with a worded response a wicked plan forms in ur head
-You tapped Minho’s shoulder to divert his attention from Seungmin
-As he faced you, you grabbed his tie and pulled him in for a kiss
-He was a little shocked at how brazen you were bc hello this is school and these are ur friends but honestly,,, he freaking LOVED it
-He smiled into the kiss and one hand rested on your waist as the other rested on your jaw pulling you deeper into the kiss
-“there ARE CHILDREN HERE OH MY GOD” u heard chan yell distantly
-You couldn’t help but break apart from Minho, laughing as you catch chan covering jeongin’s eyes in distress
-You turned back to Jisung
-“Does that answer your question?”
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arokaladin · 6 years
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Hey there. I’m gonna tell the whole story of my shitty and much regretted qpr now, under the cut because I’m only really doing this to expunge it. You can read if you’re curious but it’s honestly not that dramatic. Please don’t reblog because this is all incredibly private. oh also its fucking long sorry for that.
k so, first things first, some context. My qpr was a girl I’d known since I was five. We’ll call her C. As very young children she’d sort of been the unofficial leader of our group of friends and was I think a lot more mature than the rest of us? And so our dynamic reflected that in that I was like, the cute one and she was the one I looked up to and respected a lot. We didn't speak much for a few months when we were eleven, because we’d started different schools (tho eventually she moved to mine) but apart from that we remained very very close and eventually she became the most important person in my life. 
The summer holiday when we were 14 is I think when we became this important to each other. For some more context this was also when I’d just started questioning and was resonating a lot with asexuality and later aromanticism. When I first discovered the words ‘squish’ and ‘qpr’ it was her that I thought of. In November of that year I explained the latter term to her while we were cuddled up on a sofa at a sleepover. By this point our relationship was essentially already a qpr, and we were so close/affectionate that a lot of people assumed we were dating. 
In early January of the next year (literally the third I remember this useless information because idk my brain wants to torture me I guess) I asked her to be my qp. Over text. Because I was too nervous to talk to her about it irl. That detail will be important later. Anyway I was very excited because I really believed at the time that qprs were the best thing for sliced bread for me personally. Looking back this was very obviously because I was mourning the loss of my romantic future and was relieved that I had a ‘replacement’ for romantic relationships on the form of qprs. I was working through a shit ton of internalised bull crap and had no idea.
If you're thinking that I just descried a situation that's not exactly ideal and that you know exactly where this is going, you’re right! However I was fourteen and a fucking idiot. A FUCKING IDIOT. Even just before initiating the relationship I realised my squish on her was a lot less strong than it had been last summer and I ignored that. because I was a fucking idiot.
Anyway when we’d been together about two weeks we kissed. Before that we’d been doing lil face kisses and were very affectionate, but this was the first time we’d kissed on the lips or like, ya know, full on snogged. I actually enjoyed this at first, I guess because ~novelty~ or ~milestones~ or whatever, and I still really like the idea of quick lip pecks and sof face kisses. Snogging was still less interesting to me than hugs though, something I communicated to C asap after we’d finished being sappy. 
Now, a quick detour into unrelated stuff because I’m trying to do this somewhat chronologically: Valentines day is not something we discussed. She made me a card, complete with her own art, and I didn't get her anything. because like I said we had not discussed whether we were going to celebrate the holiday. At the time I was mainly thrilled with the card and embarrassed I hadn't thought to make one, but looking back? probably she should have asked before catapulting us into a very romantic coded activity that she had no idea whether I would enjoy or not. Maybe I’m reading into that too much but idk. idk.
Back to kissing. There were maybe two months during which I was perfectly happy kissing C, though I think we definitely thought about if differently. To me, kissing was a fun new activity to throw into the mix (like I said not as good as hugs) whereas for her I thiiink it was more of a step up. My reasoning for this is that every time I went to kiss her on the lips or even be affectionate with her in any way really, it turned into full on snogging. 
Anyway remember how I had to ask this girl out by text? how I have the communication skills of a fucking gnat? yeah well I had no idea how to tell her to stop kissing me. I would just. Keep kissing her. Didn't know how to explain I was beginning to feel bored by all the snogging and more importantly if she started kissing me I p much just had to wait it out. This isn't an issue with her btw? I was kissing back and she had no reason to think I wasn’t happy (though she definitely could have checked in more? idk?) but basically I’m a fucking idiot. 
Oh also at this point I was panicking because even within my Back Up Relationship(tm) I was not feeling what I’d hoped I would. So uh, a lot of the my initiating kisses was because I liked them more in theory than in practice. And also because I was essentially trying to force myself to feel something. If youre now thinking wow, that sounds fucking unhealthy, then you’re right! I’m an idiot! Who the fuck let me navigate a relationship! Anyway this is when shit starts properly getting bad lmao. 
So my feelings about kissing quickly go from boredom to discomfort to repulsion. I’m still dealing with all the aforementioned issues. At this point at least subconsciously I am hoping C will break up with me. Tbh I was most likely hoping this at least subconsciously for the majority of my relationship! It’s probably late 2016 by this point. I’ve been fifteen since march. Anyway she finally notices something is off, but assumes its exam stress because I do shit with that. She and my other friends (read: just her but she roped other people in and they are visibly confused because for obvious reasons they don’t think I’ve been off recently) sit me down and tell me they’re here for me. I am uncomfortable. 
Then! Finally! She sits me down to properly talk about our relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't break up with me. However she has recognised by this point that I have become more uncomfortable with affection. Probably because my method for not getting kissed is now just. Pointedly looking away when I can tell she’s trying to kiss me. I have very vivid memories of her nuzzling against me, face very close to mine, and staring intently at the movie we were watching and ignoring her and feeling sick. Anyway we agree no more kissing. In this conversation she also asks what I'd think of her having a romantic partner as well as me at some point, which is kind of a dick move if you think about it. I’m mainly happy that I don’t have to kiss her anymore.
(sidenote that I also? grew a lot as a person over the year or so we were together and she decidedly did not. Which isn't a bad thing per se, people mature at different times, but I think even had none of the qpr shit happened our intense friendship would have died down because? our dynamic just did not work anymore. She was no longer the Mature, Respected one.)
However things are not yet over!!!!! No, things are actually at their shittest!!!! Not long after this conversation I admit to myself that I want this relationship to be over. I am uh. unable to break up with her. BUT WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING!!!!! once again I’m a fucking idiot. Oh we’re also basically not talking by this point so my plan(?) is that maybe I’m being such a bad qp that C will break up with me. because I see that as my only way out. It’s horrible. I am filled with self hatred. I am basically having to blank someone I used to love for self preservation. 
Oh, and another detail. By now I am made physically uncomfortable by her presence. My romance repulsion is set off in a bad way just by her being in the same room. I am physically incapable of looking at her. We walk to and from school together every. single. day. I remember far too clearly edging towards the side of the pavement just to try and get further away from her so I wouldn't be physically uncomfortable and C not getting the message at all and edging closer to me to close the gap and me ending up pressed into people’s front walls or teetering on the edge of the road, not talking to her, looking at the ground, and repeating things like ‘don’t talk to me’ in my head. Things were not good lads!
Finally, in what I guess was early February of 2017, she stops us and she asks ‘have I done something wrong?’. Not sure if I’ve ever felt worse tbh. She was obviously fucking miserable and wracked with guilt (like myself!) and uuuuuh I felt terrible but I managed to get out that I thought we shouldn't be together. And then we finished our journey home in awkward silence. A couple weeks(?) later I texted another friend of ours asking is they hated me because I was sure I'd done something terrible and that C was the victim here. Still working through that tbh but I’m doing better than I was.
Anyway I had to spend a lot of time with C for a while, but thankfully we go to different schools now and we only see each other occasionally because of mutual friends. The time gaps are I think what have allowed me to get a lot more comfortable with her presence. The last time I had to see her I was able to feel fairly comfortable being in the same room as her, and I thiiink I was able to look at her too and even address her directly! However I have no desire to be close to her again emotionally and would rather I never saw her again.
As for emotional affects, I’m still dealing with those over a year on. I am no longer able to want a qpr, which is very sad because technically that’s still the kind of relationship I want. I have cried a Lot due to becoming closer to a new (much better) person because brain says this means I will hate her if I get too close. I’ve also had a freak out over being offered another qpr, even though! I desperately wanted it! That’s kinda why it’s so upsetting tbh. I desperately want to label my relationships and I want security but in theory I know it would not be a good move for me. Oh also I’m weirdly scared to re-watch/read/whatever stuff that were Our Things. like stuff C introduced me to. The stuff I have gone back to hasn't upset me at all but idk dude.
Anyway there’s the story of how I fucked myself over by getting in a relationship that wasn’t good for me at fourteen and have probably ruined my chances at navigating intimacy as an aromantic person forever. ya know, no biggie. I’ll probably fuck off to bed soon.
Take from this what you will.
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rosetlntsmyworld · 6 years
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rules:: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people
Thanks to my good judy @veronicasanders for tagging me! <3
— what was your last…
1. drink:: water
2. phone call:: my boss bc i’m bad at mopping floors and she wanted to yell at me for it
3. text message:: ‘where tf are you xoxo’ to my mother (she forgot to pick me up from my train)
4. song you listened to:: “Papa Don’t Preach” by Madonna
5. time you cried:: like literally yesterday bc I was listening to cute music w my gf and im a bit hormonal and got all mushy about how much i love her
— have you ever…
6. dated someone twice:: nah
7. kissed someone and regretted it:: yes
8. been cheated on:: no
9. lost someone special:: yes
10. been depressed:: no
11. gotten drunk and thrown up:: first bit yes, second bit no. i was just drunk from 11pm to 4pm the next day and had to walk around a supermarket with my mum hung over to buggery and pretending everything was fine (supermarkets are the W O R S T places you could realise youre hung over bc screaming children and also very bright light)
— fave colours
12. black
13. grey
14. burgundy
— in the last year have you…
15. made new friends:: yes
16. fallen out of love:: no
17. laughed until you cried:: yes
18. found out someone was talking about you:: yes
19. met someone who changed you::  yes
20. found out who your friends are:: ya
21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list:: yes
— general
22. how many your facebook friends do you know irl:: legit all
23. do you have any pets:: yes, one dog
24. do you want to change your name:: yeah, i wanna get rid of my boy middle name (it was gonna be mary and my parents realised my initials would spell ‘emu’ and didn’t want me to get bullied. So they made my middle name duncan. D U N C A N. How is that an improvement??)
25. what did you do for your last birthday:: went to school during the day which sucked ass and then had the opening night of my first exhibit at a gallery which sucked a lot less ass. And then went and had dinner. And a hedgehog cake. Because im a mature grown up adult.
26. what time did you wake up today:: I went and delivered newspapers at like eight oclock and then went back to bed at like 10. Woke up again at midday, had a slice of toast and watched still game, and then had another nap. I am a garbage person.
27. what were you doing at midnight last night:: sleeping
28. what is something you can’t wait for:: finding out whether I got accepted to university (stole this answer from v but it’s true)
29. what is your favourite animal:: thats a horrendous question omfg i love tapirs a lot and also pigeons and seals and sharks
30. what are you listening to right now:: i’m watching gordon ramsay’s hotel hell
31. have you ever talked to a person named tom:: yeah i went to primary school with a guy called tom and he was a fucking asshole
32. something that’s getting on your nerves:: the fact that fullyi can’t . breathe through my left nostril rn
33. most visited website:: google
34. hair colour:: dirty blonde
35. long or short hair:: short-ish. Mine is like bob length w a dramatic undercut. Basically i stole dela’s boy hair
36. do you have a crush on someone:: ya
37. what do you like about yourself:: i have a nice bum
38. want any piercings:: ya
39. blood type:: oh fuck knows
40. nicknames:: edna, edina, gay puddle, mitzi, shortshank redemption, eddie, edie mcredie
41. relationship status:: dating a v cool gal
42. sign:: scorpio
43. pronouns:: she/her
44. fave tv show:: rpdr, brooklyn 99, orange is the new black, derry girls, still game, chewin the fat, the great british bake off, bobs burgers, tracey ullman show
45. tattoos:: nada as of yet but i want a good few
46. right or left handed:: right
47. ever had surgery:: nope
48. piercings:: ears x2
49. sport:: i play rugby and i wish i could dance or skate or some shit but alas i am a graceless bulldyke
50. vacation:: im going to australia for like six weeks in june aaaaaaaaa
51. trainers:: never wear em lmao im too goth for that shit
— more general
52. eating:: i went out for dinner earlier and had pizza and sweet potato fries and now im halfway to a food coma yay
53. drinking:: water or cherry coke. I also discovered lemon and mint sanpellegrino the other day and frankly id happily drown in that stuff its amazing
54. i’m about watch:: new ep of drag race
55. waiting for:: news from school
56. want:: to move out bc my room is a shittip and im done with it
57. get married:: i dont believe in marriage so probs no
58. career:: i work in a baby shop but i wanna be a tattoo artist or set designer/stage manager
— which is better
59. hugs or kisses:: hugs
60. lips or eyes:: lips
61. taller or shorter:: everyone is taller than me
62. older or younger:: older. Im a bit autistic so im kinda drawn more to people older than me bc i find them easier to talk to
63. nice arms or stomach:: stomach
64. hookups or relationships:: relationship
65. troublemaker or hesitant:: troublemaker
— have you ever
66. kissed a stranger:: no
67. drank hard liquor:: yes
68. turned someone down:: yes
69. sex on first date:: no
70. broken someone’s heart:: i dont fuckin know
71. had your heart broken:: not really
72. been arrested:: no, lol
73. cried when someone died:: yes
74. fallen for a friend:: nah im fuckin heartless lmao
— do you believe in
75. yourself:: yes
76. miracles:: no
77. love at first sight:: no
78. santa claus:: i’m not fucking five (lol, keeping Wednesday’s answer here) (lol im also keeping V’s answer which she stole from v)
79. angels:: not really
— misc
80. eye colour:: grey
81. best friend’s name:: charlie aka charles aka charlize theron aka streak of piss aka pizzle aka piz (they have a v long series of affectionate nicknames lmao)
82. favourite movie:: priscilla queen of the desert, rocky horror, evita, muriels wedding, silence of the lambs, zootopia, misery
83. favourite actor:: Terence stamp
84. favourite cartoon:: bobs burgers, family guy, star wars: clone wars
85. favourite teacher’s name:: she’s known usually as ms gallagher but ive been on first name terms w her since i was like 14 so i call her sheila lmao
legit everyone I know has already been tagged lmao
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kathrineindeed · 6 years
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Lachlan smut part 1 (it’s too long)
Lachlan x reader
Prompt: miscommunication
Warning: if you don't know already ( read my past work)
——————
Please read to help story make sense
AN ( This is fiction so I'm pretending that legal age of consent is younger is Australia than England but in irl its the same,  okay we got it?  just a story, so there is no need to freak but its necessary for you to know for the story. But i do actually know its the same so don't come for me. Let's just call it 16 for Australia and 19 for uk and then reader is 17 and Lachlan is 18 just for the purpose of this story. Both are old enough to consent and it's a story not irl so chill thank you)
You and Lachlan decide to leave your beloved Australia to go visit the sidemen in the UK. You have spent the last week sight seeing, Shopping, an hanging out with boys. It had been a nice week even if you still haven't got used to the British weather, like man is so fucking cold over here, Nothing like Australia. Even after visiting for the fifth year you still haven't got used to it, But you haven't dated Lachlan for that long it was a Vik who introduced you two just under a year ago at pax. You watched his panel and then Vik introduced you after and you haven't spent a day apart since. You couldn't believe you had never seen or heard of him before, seeing as you lived in Australia too.  So after pax you caught the plane together and headed to his house where you spend a majority of time together when you're at home. This was the first time going to the uk as couple and even more importantly the boys finally seeing you as a couple.
You had arranged to stay in the sidemen house for a whole fortnight ( fortnight = two weeks) you had been there for the last week sharing a room with Lachlan, but that was only okay as expect from Vik none of the others knew you were a couple. You really cared that the boys excepted you as couple as there like your big brothers and more family than your family is.
So you haven't told them yet you were going to wait until you and Lachlan could do it properly.
Today you were going to go to Thorpe Park but the British wether drowned those plans literally it poured down. So you rescheduled the trip to a day with better weather, which means a day inside hanging with the boys which you didn't mind as you loved hanging around with them and playing fifa.
You had sent Simon and Lachlan out for food, they'd left about fifth teen minutes ago to go get some Dominos.
You were dressed is casual clothes, sitting on one of the stools at the kitchen counter just catching up with the boys with you phone to the left, face up, you were asking about there channels and how 'life's going in general' and had a conversation about what happened since last year.
"How's the new house guys?" You ask
They had recently moved, well recently to you as it the first time you've seen this 'mansion' they've brought
"It's nice Y/N" they all agree
"Glad to hear it" you reply happily
You just sat there in no make up not caring how you look. You felt so comfortable around them, you never worried about being your self around them. It's the same for Lachlan you feel at home with him, like you two were supposed to be together and your really excited to tell the boys about you two.
The boys always teased you, weather it be for your height or you'd do something stupid, you always got rinsed. And there favourite thing was taking your phone.
You were deep in conversation with tobi, asking about some new video ideas he had got planned and how good his channel had been doing recently. You were so deep in conversation you didn't really notice when your phone started ringing. You didn't notice until Ethan sniggered when you paused to look at him.
"You still call your dad, 'daddy' Y/N haha" Ethan giggled
All the boys burst out laughing and JJ decided to take you phone and hold it above your head, still ringing. Teasing you, which you hated. He finally gives it back and you don't If it was because you were fed up with there teasing or you don't know if it was because you were annoyed but you answered. All the boys finally went silent, being respectful as you were on the phone. You grab your phone unlock it and answer the call..
"Hello, Lachlan" you say very monotone and nonchalant so they know your serious but instantly regret it.
All the boys gasp and Tobi chokes on his drink in shock. They we're speechless, they couldn't believe it.
Once you had finished up with the call, He was only asking what everyone wanted on there pizza,  You head back into the kitchen and reclaim your seat and you realise all the boys are starting at you. But you decided to play it cool like it was no big deal, even if you were freaking out a little inside.
"Y/N! You better start explaining?!" Josh says confused and annoyed
"What?" You reply innocently
"You And Lachlan?" He says more annoyed
now
"Yes?" You say
"Are having sex?!?" He sheiks
You come back with a smart ass comment as that's who you are. Your very calm at this point
"The age of consent is younger in Australia"
"I'm going to beat the shit out of him" tobi yells
They all start ranting amongst them self's and agreeing.
"Woah, calm down guys. We have sex, I'm not killing someone. It's not a big deal" you say in a hope to calm them down
"That blonde bastard" jj yells
"I'm my own women and I can sleep with who I want" you say now getting pissy
"I trusted you with him, it's my mistake" josh lets out
"Stop! I have sex and it's with Lachlan and guess what .......I fucking love it"  You say calming down
"I get horny and when I a......"
josh cuts you off
"We don't need to hear that"
"Guys.... it's not that bad" you start
" I will not have stay in the same room under this roof" josh states
" we've stayed in the same room all week" you state
"That before I knew about this, end of Y/N" he finishes
You are about to start whinnying again
"What the hel....
But your interrupted by the door swinging open, Lachlan and Si walking in laughing at something one of them had said earlier probably. But they walk in and close the door only to greeted by harsh stares and silence. They walk into the kitchen, to see us all sitting down awkwardly in the quiet.
They drop the food on the counter and Lachlan decided to brake the tension, silence and awkwardness in the room.
"What up guys?" He says confused
"Well..um....ah I'll let Y/N explain" josh says stumbling on his words
"Well they know we're having sex, I accidentally told them. That we're together"
You say apologetically
"Oh,.... Okay" he says embarrassed
"How could you Dude, she so young and innocent" Ethan said over dramatically. You know there only being like this because they care but they we're being completely idiotic.
"I didn't do anything wrong, in Australia we are both consenting adults" he says defending himself
That only made it worse
"I going to kill you" jj started
They all start to move and you get worried
You yell as loud as you can
"Stop! First of all I'm going to talk with out interruption, secondly I want and wanted sex as much as him. A lot of the time I initiated it. It's no big deal, it's just sex for fuck sake"
"Y/f/N it is bad!! I entrusted this prick with you and all he does is get in your pants! I can't believe you" josh says getting closer to Lachlan, I stand in the middle of the two of them so an all out fight doesn't brake out
"I had sex with her, I didn't do anything wrong!!" He yells
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bar-torr · 3 years
Text
how do i find more friends,,,,,,,,
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vdbstore-blog · 7 years
Text
New Post has been published on Vintage Designer Handbags Online | Vintage Preowned Chanel Luxury Designer Brands Bags & Accessories
New Post has been published on http://vintagedesignerhandbagsonline.com/from-beyonce-to-kendall-the-stylist-who-turned-internet-culture-into-fashion-fashion/
From Beyoncé to Kendall: the stylist who turned internet culture into fashion | Fashion
Breakfast with Marni Senofonte, LA-based super-stylist to Beyoncé and Kendall Jenner, was never going to be a slice of toast. She emerges from the lift lobby in her smart Mayfair hotel, hugs me, finds us a corner table, takes off her sunglasses, hails a waitress and orders as follows: an almond milk cappuccino, a double-shot espresso, a cup of ice, some turkey bacon (“Very, very burnt, please”), a baguette with butter, mashed avocado on rye toast and fresh pineapple juice.
When the drinks arrive, Senofonte stirs two sugar cubes into the cappuccino, takes a sip and puts the cup down in its saucer, never to be touched again. A few moments later, she inquires after the double-shot espresso, which turns out to have gone into the cappuccino when she wanted it on the side. The double shot appears, and Senofonte pours it over the ice. Now she needs a straw. This arrives, along with the turkey bacon and the avocado toast, but the bacon isn’t crisp enough, so it goes back. Senofonte cuts the avocado toast into tiny pieces, pushes them around the plate, but doesn’t eat any. The turkey bacon reappears, crispier, but still not crisp enough. “That’s OK,” she says cheerfully. “I don’t really need to eat this stuff, I just need to smell it in the morning.” She picks up a shard of the bacon in her pointed fingernails and waves it around like a cigarette for the rest of our conversation. By now, our table is almost collapsing under the piled-up plates, but the only thing Senofonte consumes is the double-shot espresso, which she inhales through the straw in one gulp. “That’s the only part I really need,” she explains. “The cappuccino, that’s only there to make me look like an adult.”
Senofonte does breakfast the way she does everything: attention-grabbing, high-energy, ultra-perfectionist while flirting with crazy. That’s her vibe, even at 7.45am. After the visual spectacular of Beyoncé’s Lemonade album, the arresting Black Panther imagery of last year’s Super Bowl performance, a pregnancy-reveal Instagram post that became global breaking news, Beyoncé is now not only significant as a music artist, but also one of the most powerful visual influencers in contemporary culture. That makes Senofonte, who has been central to Beyoncé’s styling team since Lemonade, near as dammit the Anna Wintour of the social media age, in terms of the dominion she wields over what we want to wear. Those puff sleeves that are everywhere now, for example, may have begun on the catwalk, but took off when Senofonte made them a visual refrain in Lemonade. “I go into Topshop or Zara now and it’s all pouffy sleeves, and I’m like, we were doing that two years ago!” she says, delighted. “Tim White, who is Beyoncé’s tailor, and the whole wardrobe department literally wanted to kill me with all the pouffy sleeves I kept asking for. And now look! I’m so validated.”
Beyoncé’s Lemonade look.
The addition to her client roster of Kardashian-dynasty supermodel Kendall Jenner represents Senofonte’s expansion beyond music and into fashion, introducing Jenner’s 83m Instagram followers to her style. Today, however, she is in London as an emissary from the court of Beyoncé. In seven months’ time, Beyoncé will perform at Coachella music festival, and the scale of the Beyoncé machine is such that the advance organisation necessary more closely resembles that for a state visit than for a mere stage performance. For the designers who dream of dressing Beyoncé, Senofonte is her woman on Earth; her schedule while in London for meetings about Coachella, and Beyoncé’s athleisure brand Ivy Park, is packed. An initial plan for us to go shopping together had to be abandoned in favour of an early breakfast. The night before we meet, I get another text that seems to want to cancel me altogether, but turns out to be for her personal trainer, sent to me by accident. “We’re good! Come early as you like!!” she clarifies by text as I am going to bed. (She is the same on WhatsApp as she is IRL: big on exclaimers, short on full stops.) In the morning, the phone buzzes again with texts sent overnight (“can’t wait to see you!”).
The timing was insane. Lemonade came at a time when life was like, pelting lemons at me, you know?
As a stylist to Beyoncé – and before her, Lauryn Hill and P Diddy, among others – Senofonte has had a long career already, but “in music, not fashion. That’s where I wanted to be, because I always felt like music influences fashion more than the other way around.” After decades when music was “sort of looked down upon” by the fashion elite, the emergence of sophisticated, multilayered aesthetics such as the one Senofonte has helped Beyoncé build has turned the tables. The world’s voracious appetite for fashion content can no longer be satisfied by the politesse of the catwalk. Rihanna in an omelette-yellow dress at the Met Gala, Taylor Swift in a bath of jewels, Beyoncé standing her ground in a burning house in a high-necked Victorian lace gown: these are fashion moments with the stadium-sized power to hold our attention.
Senofonte doesn’t just pick out Beyoncé’s outfits, she helps craft her iconography. For the singer’s most recent birthday, a roll call of her famous friends, including Michelle Obama and Serena Williams, were photographed wearing the wide-brim hat, braids and necklace that made up one of Lemonade’s key looks. Like a Warhol screenprint of Monroe or Elvis, the group portrait has a style that transcends the glamour of even the most famous sitter.
Inside Marni Senofonte’s wardrobe. Photograph: Amanda Friedman for the Guardian
Senofonte is a new type of stylist for a new era of fashion. Case in point: she hasn’t worn black for 20 years, since she was a styling assistant in New York. “Twenty years ago, when I was working for Norma Kamali, she did a ban on black one season. I haven’t worn a piece of black clothing since. I don’t have a black pair of socks or pants.” Not allowing herself the safety net of black “shaped my clothing identity”, Senofonte says. She has carved out a bold aesthetic that is perfect for 2017, when “there are so many visuals out there that you have to be really extreme – almost comical – to separate yourself. And it’s relentless. If I style a great outfit for a client these days, we don’t save it for a big event. We put it on Instagram right away and then I go figure out another one.”
“Tomboy, sexy, athletic” is how Senofonte describes her own look. “I don’t exude the sexiness so much. It’s sort of in me,” she says, which sounds like an annoying statement written down but isn’t, somehow. Senofonte is wearing Vetements graffiti trainers and grey Champion sweatpants; she says these were “like, $40, so I bought five pairs and cut some of them off to turn them into skirts”, a statement that I don’t even understand, but it’s too late, because she’s moved on to tell me about her jacket, which seems to feature abstract globe artichokes, but it’s hard to tell when both the jacket and a navy plaid shirt are tied around her waist, giving her silhouette a sort of streetwear-vibe bustle. On top, she wears a navy and white striped T-shirt with a strip of fake fur along each sleeve: I would have said Fendi, but it turns out to be Zara. She is in her 40s, I would guess, with glowy LA skin and the kind of body that doesn’t often skip training sessions. There is much to look at, but mostly I am staring at her eyelashes. They are extensions (I think), but instead of the Love Island furry-spider kind, Senofonte has on each eye maybe seven or eight fine, extremely long lashes that accentuate her bone structure. I didn’t even know this look was a thing until five minutes ago, and now I want it. That’s styling for you.
Beyoncé’s 2017 pregnant-with-twins post. Photograph: Beyoncé/Instagram/PA
Senofonte worked in various roles for Kamali – sales assistant, public relations, personal assistant – until a chance encounter brought the realisation that she wanted to be a stylist. “So one day Puff Daddy’s babymama, Misa [Hylton Brim], walks in. She’s a stylist, and she looks like she’s just stepped out of a music video: black girl, blond girl, stacks of cash. And straight away I’m like: I love you. She introduced me to the urban hip-hop world.”
Not long after, Senofonte selected Kamali looks for a Salt-N-Pepa appearance; they loved them so much that Senofonte left her job and went on the road, styling their tour. Lauryn Hill came next, followed by the occasional Beyoncé job. It was a strong, solid, below-the-radar styling career until two years ago, when a broken-off engagement coincided with her promotion to the inner circle of Beyoncé’s team. “The timing was insane. Lemonade came at a time when life was like, pelting lemons at me, you know? The last two years have been incredible. The Super Bowl, Lemonade, Formation, award shows. Just the sheer amount of content. And in that time Beyoncé has had two babies, which is insane.”
The thing I love about these new models is, they are like the 90s supermodels. They are like little rock stars
Being Beyoncé’s stylist is tricky, because the iconography of Beyoncé is that her beauty comes from within, that her glow is innate. Beyoncé is not a fashion plate, she is a goddess. Logically, we know the image-making behind a visual album such as Lemonade must be the work of a team of creatives, but its power derives from the belief that it comes from a single soul. Senofonte starts to stumble over her words, on this subject. “I don’t like to talk too much about Beyoncé personally, because… I guess I am protective. I would never want to say anything about her that could be misconstrued. It’s her story.”
The pregnancy photo Senofonte styled is off limits – “It’s too personal” – a surprising take on a photo with 11m likes. “I don’t want to talk about the big moments in her life. I don’t want to take away from her narrative.”
While she “wouldn’t presume to speak” for Beyoncé, Lemonade was “a continuation of what Beyoncé has always stood for, which is empowering women. That’s where I come from.” Senofonte’s grandmother was head pattern cutter at a Diane von Furstenberg factory in the Pennsylvania town where she grew up, “plus she made everyone’s wedding gowns, she made dinner every night, she had five sons, she fixed the roof. Whatever needed to be done, she figured it out. I am my grandmother. That’s where I come from and that’s why I’m drawn to amazing, strong women.”
Style setter Kendall Jenner. Photograph: Rex/Shutterstock
Some of Senofonte’s most powerful looks in Lemonade came in the visual landscaping of its racial politics. “I would hate to put my meaning on it, because that’s not my place. You listen to the words of a song and what it means to you is what it means to you. That’s art. But we were on a plantation with Beyoncé and all these beautiful African American women, and I said, what if these women owned the plantation? What if they were in, like, Givenchy haute couture? Wouldn’t that be amazing? For me, those women were like Beyoncé in another era. Because if Beyoncé was on this plantation, you just know she’d be walking round in fricking couture. Right?”
Kim Kardashian, an old friend, passed on Senofonte’s phone number to her model sister Kendall Jenner earlier this year. “The thing I love about Kendall and these new models is, they are like the 90s supermodels. They finish a shoot and walk out on to the street where the paparazzi are in a full look and with all their makeup on, and just own it. They are like little rock stars.”
Along with Gigi Hadid and Emily Ratajkowski, Jenner is one of a new crop of young models whose personal style is pored over by teenage fans. “All those girls have a strong game so, in a nice way, it’s like style wars, on the street.” Jenner, Senofonte says, has a real fashion eye: “She loves to shop vintage. And not just the pretty, curated, expensive vintage stores. I mean the ones where you have to dig, you know? And I love that even though she has this insane body, so basically she can wear anything, she understands and appreciates tailoring. But mainly I like that she’s grounded and so chill, and always organised and on time. She’s a good kid.”
Speaking of which, I have to ask, obviously. What’s Beyoncé, you know, really like? “She’s this… amazing talent. And all I can say about her personally is that she’s the hardest working human being I have ever met. Like, hands down, in my whole life. She’s unbelievable. She really is what everyone thinks she is. Isn’t that, like, crazy?”
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