#Video Review: Pardon Me

[curiosity-killed]

I’m so extremely done with dance directors for this year lmfao

#going to get thru tomorrow and then not talk to a single dancer for 2 weeks #this fucking director #my friend warned me last weekend that she’d like suddenly started being (pardon my French) bitchy as fuck #and that has just been so so true #like I was too fast on one (1) step today and she’s like you need to review the video and it’s your responsibility to know all the steps #and I’m like baby girl I have had one month of rehearsal and I DO know all the goddamn steps #Blargh #personal #going to be with her all fucking day tomorrow 🙃🙃🙃🙃

[dustedmagazine]

Ian Mathers’ 2023: J'suis fatiguée tu sais pas c'que j'suis fatiguée

a picture of Mandy, Indiana by Chris Hogge

It has been, if you’ll pardon the language, a stupid fucking year (or maybe it’s just, as Yo La Tengo correctly diagnosed, this stupid world). On any number of levels: for me, personally; in terms of international politics (although “stupid” is treating multiple ongoing genocides with a bit too much flippancy); the endless buffoonery of local politics; the people we’ve lost, even as the now pretty totally unchecked global progress of COVID thrashes peoples’ immune systems if not taking them out itself; and all of this means I barely have any energy these days to worry about our imminent environmental collapse (remember?). It’s been a grind, but as always music is one of the things that make life worthwhile, despite it all.

Even musically, I felt a bit adrift at times in 2023; one of my longstanding methods of music discovery, the esteemed group review site The Singles Jukebox, called it quits in 2022. And except for one last round of our traditional year-end Amnesty picks (where each writer gets to pick one song for coverage with none of the normal criteria for selection), that very much appeared to be that. And then a stray Discord comment late this year led to getting the band back together, and starting in late November the Jukebox has made a pretty amazing (temporary!) return. As always, that led to me encountering a ton of stuff I simply never would have heard of otherwise (and some new discoveries even slipped onto the lists below, just one more reason the practice most places have of running year end stuff early December makes me wince). It didn’t shift my existing favourites from 2023 much, nor did I expect it to, but it did make me feel like I had more context on the year as a whole, across more places and scenes and genres than I did before (but still incomplete, always incomplete).

This in turn feels tied to a change in my year-end list methodology. At this point I feel like I’m never going to settle on a consistent format forever and ever amen; different years pull different things out of me (both in terms of listening and in terms of sharing), and there’s also a bit of a pendulum-swing effect. For the past two years I’ve gone expansive, 40+ records, various other lists to get more things in. This was me chafing at (entirely self-imposed!) restrictions from years past, and it gave me a sense of freedom, even relief. I still stand by those lists (as much as I stand by any part of my past self). But this year looking at my account of what I’d listened to, realizing my shortlist was around 50 LPs and that if I was applying the kind of criteria I’d used recently I could easily include them all… I could feel myself wanting to go in the other direction. It took me a lot longer than I expected to pare that shortlist down to 20 albums (still an arbitrary number!), and I found the process oddly satisfying. Trying to decide what made those last couple of spots had me thinking harder about what I currently value and what my year has been like (and what my differing experiences with all these pieces of music were like) than I’d had to in a while.

Those longer lists have virtues this one doesn’t, of course; I have an even keener than normal feeling of leaving things out, of failing to adequately represent myself or music or… something. So while it’s true every year that there are records I loved that I don’t represent in any list, I feel the need to re-emphasize that truth here, specifically. Sometimes what made the cut over the days I spent putting this together surprised me; there are albums I wrote positive things about that I fully expected to be here that are hovering just out of sight in the 21-25 range. Some of them are represented in the accompanying list of songs that either don’t have albums or just stood out from their surroundings (and as last year I’ve tried to track down music videos, a form I still love, for all of those). From past experience, some of those standouts will wind up representing albums that, if I’d gotten more time with them this year, could have made it onto the main list. I also couldn’t let go of one of my secondary lists; I just really love EPs, and I wish more people made them (even if one of the entrants this year is long enough I’d normally consider it an album, if not for the band themselves dubbing it an EP).

As always these lists are alphabetical instead of ranked (and where I wrote about them, I’ve linked to it here); as I said, just narrowing them down was hard enough. I have no idea how to assess the relative merits of (say) L’Rain’s playfully, kaleidoscopically deep I Killed Your Dog versus a.s.o.’s self-titled, lush trip hop throwback versus the Drin’s gnomic, garage-bound bad vibes. They’re all great. But I did have two that felt like albums of my year, in different ways. The first of the National’s two 2023 records, First Two Pages of Frankenstein, was already a favourite when some of the personal stuff I alluded to above made me profoundly grateful that they’d put out this record, about mental health and the ends of things and mixed feelings, in this particular year (and then they put out a second record, which is not here because nobody gets to double dip, but it’s also good). I had a less specifically autobiographical resonance with Mandy, Indiana’s incredible debut i’ve seen a way but it did blow me away on purely sonic grounds in a way few bands have in the last decade or so. The greatness of that record to me is in more than just how stunningly different it felt the first few times I played it (although that was an experience I loved); as I said when I made their “Pinking Shears” my Amnesty pick for the Jukebox this year, it felt like a second miracle when the album did cohere into a set of songs that they wound up being some of my favourite songs of the year. Despite all the other ways I’ve been tired in 2023, it’s never been with music, and artists like the following (and the prospect of whatever I’ll encounter next year) are the reason why.

20 LPS

a.s.o. — a.s.o. (Low Lying Records)

ALL HANDS_MAKE LIGHT — “Darling the Dawn” (Constellation)

Avalon Emerson — & the Charm (Another Dove)

Brìghde Chaimbeul — Carry Them With Us (tak:til)

Carly Rae Jepsen — The Loveliest Time (Interscope)

Chappell Roan — The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess (Island)

The Drin — Today My Friend You Drunk the Venom (Feel It)

Eluvium — (Whirring Marvels In) Consensus Reality (Temporary Residence Limited)

Ghost Marrow — earth + death (The Garotte)

The Hives — The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons (Disques Hives)

L’Rain — I Killed Your Dog (Mexican Summer)

Ladytron — Time’s Arrow (Cooking Vinyl)

Mandy, Indiana — i’ve seen a way (Fire Talk)

Mute Duo — Migrant Flocks (American Dreams)

The National — First Two Pages of Frankenstein (4AD)

Pearly Drops — A Little Disaster (Cascine)

Spanish Love Songs — No Joy (Pure Noise)

Tacoma Park — Tacoma Park (Self Released)

Tørrfall — Tørrfall (De Pene Inngang)

Yo La Tengo — This Stupid World (Matador)

5 EPS

Babygirl — Be Still My Heart (Sandlot)

Death of Heather — Forever (Big Romantic)

hkmori — forever (Self Released)

Tara Clerkin Trio — On the Turning Ground (World of Echo)

Weaklung — We Bring About Our Own Demise (Self Released)

20 MORE SONGS

100 gecs — “Hollywood Baby”

Blur — “Barbaric”

boygenius — “Not Strong Enough”

Caroline Polachek — “Dang”

Dua Lipa — “Houdini”

Eslabon Armado y Peso Pluma — "Ella Baila Sola"

Jiraya Uai & MC Tarapi — “Hoje Tem Rodeio, Baile De Favela”

Kesha — “Eat the Acid”

Lexie Liu — “delulu”

Maria BC — “Mercury”

Mitski — “My Love Mine All Mine”

Olivia Rodrigo — “bad idea right?”

Picastro — “Earthseed”

Raye ft. 070 Shake — “Escapism.”

Sho Madjozi — “Chale”

Tinashe — “Needs”

Tyla — “Water”

Troye Sivan — “Rush”

Victoria Monét — “On My Mama”

Water From Your Eyes — “Barley”

#dusted magazine #yearend 2023 #ian mathers #mandy indiana #a.s.o #ALL_HANDS_MAKE_LIGHT #avalon emerson #carly rae jepson #Chappell Roan #The Drin #Eluvium #ghost marrow #the hives #l'rain #ladytron #mute duo #the national #pearly drops #spanish love songs #tacoma park #yo la tengo #Torfall #Brighde Chaimbeul

[phantoms-lair]

Batman Exalted Triple Event - Part 1

(So as a note Tim has already Exalted by this point, however his scene does not want to be written, so we're skipping ahead. But for reference he Exalted in his Red Robin identity and almost killed Mr. Freeze on accident)

Bruce did not have a hunch or bad feeling. He awoke knowing that something was very wrong in a way he couldn't have before his exaltation. He rolled out of bed, instinctively folding space in a way he'd think about later. All the knew at the time was his feet swung from his bed in Wayne Manor and landed on a rough floor in Crime Alley.

He had no time to think about that because in front of him struggling on the ground was Jason. It wasn't an enemy or sickness, Bruce would know how to deal with those. Instead Jason seemed to be flickering in and out of existence. And with each flicker Bruce could feel as if something was in his mind, trying to pry the very memory of Jason from him.

It couldn't have him! Whatever was trying to take his son from him again couldn't have him!

He heard a soft clicking behind him. He glanced back to see a mechanical spider the size of a hamster, but still kept most of his focus on Jason.

"I am bound by Kejack's will." The spider clicked. "I can not undo what he's done."

Rage burned inside Bruce. So this was Kejack's doing. If he lost Jason again he swore-

"But I can do what he hasn't thought to forbid." The spider continued, unaware of how close Bruce had been to lashing out at it. "I know a way to save him."

Rage turned into a nearly suffocating hope. "How?" Bruce demanded, the power of his exaltation flowing from his voice.

"Time is our enemy. His inner strength and your will made manifest through your exigence have bought some time but he will soon fade regardless. If I take time to explain, he will be lost."

"I don't care what it takes. Save my son!" Bruce roared.

"Pick him up and follow me through the gate." The spider skittered away through a portal that hadn't been there a moment ago.

Bruce lifted Jason up. He felt lighter than when Bruce had lifted him as Robin. Had his exigence made him strong, or what whatever happening to Jason left him lighter. Bruce prayed to god it was the former as he followed the spider and once again vanished.

~

"Master Bruce has vanished." Alfred's urgency in his tone drawing her away from the work she'd been doing.

"I thought he was done for the day, is he not answering his coms?"

"Pardon me, I was unclear. I was not referring to Master Bruce's habit of taking off without a word. I'll send you the bedroom footage."

Oracle couldn't understand how someone could be comfortable with a security camera pointed directly at their bed. She understood the logic of it. Bruce Wayne was a kidnapping risk, and if the combat butler didn't interrupt things it wasn't like he could pull out his Batman techniques to save himself.

But the thought of a camera on her while she slept made her skin crawl. Maybe because she knew once something was created, how easily it could be let loose. Honestly Bruce probably had some crazy fans who would pay top dollar for video of him sleeping.

...if they were in Gotham he probably knew exactly who they were now. Privately pitying Bruce for getting the worst superpower, Oracle watched the video, thoughtfully trimmed to the relevant parts. Bruce sat up straight from sleep as if he'd had a nightmare, his eyes glowing blue as his power leaked from them. He swung his legs off the bed and as he went to stand... Well, Alfred was right. He vanished.

"After reviewing the footage I think it's safe to say his exaltation was doing something. From his his sense of urgency I think he became aware of something and was sent there. Which means, given the nature of his exaltation, he's likely still in Gotham. I'll start combing for him."

"Very good, Oracle. May I alert the others?"

"Please do." She didn't know the situation that would lead Bruce to be so upset, but having Bats on standby to react would only be a good thing. Her program to autoscan the multiple cameras in Gotham (from security to traffic to bird cams) had just started going full bore when Alfred contacted her again. "Master Hood cannot be reached."

"Refocusing my search on Crime Alley." Oracle immediately switched gears. Something happening to the son already he lost once would absolutely bring out that level of urgency in Bruce. Flecks of green light sparked from from her fingers to her keyboard as she searched. Code she had never seen popped up and she instinctively knew what it was, knew she shouldn't have been seeing it, and knew what the fact that she could see it meant. But that was a crisis for later. She had friends to help. She wove through the code representing fate and destiny. She saw someone else had accessed the code and...that fucker was going to pay. He didn't seem to have full access and now she could make sure he never did. Not after trying to delete Jason.

"Ketchup tried to run a wiper virus on Hood's existence. B intervened and now I can't find either of them."

"He did WHAT!" Nightwing snarled. He must have been outside, the wind was fierce.

"Greyson calm down." came Damian's matter of fact tone.

"I will not calm down! That bastard-"

"You're hurting us." Tim's voice interrupted.

"I - oh fuck. Oracle keep us informed. I've got to deal with this."

Nightwing's voice cut off and she dearly would have loved to know what was going on, but it was taking all she had to try and find Bruce and Jason.

#Batman #Exalted #Ghost Writing #Yeah Ketchup made his biggest mistake yet #Meet Barbra Gordon - Chosen of Secrets #One of her starting abilities lets her access the loom of fate via her computer setup. #Leaving her in perfect place to counter Ketchup's asshattery

[peony-pearl]

Diamond Select Azula review!

oof girlfriend

Diamond Select's atla figures are... strange. Like... they can look decent while looking terrible at the same time. They're often VERY uncanny. (save for Iroh and Katara... Sokka looks fine but in comparison to the McFarlane one it's def a weaker figure imo).

So Azula is here, mid breakdown during the finale, with five alternate hands (one acting as a special effects piece), an effect piece (that is actually a retool of one from an Aang figure), a base, and an adjustable set of pegs to help hold up effects pieces/characters.

The armor looks good, and the detail on this piece is pretty nice, that I will say. The color scheme seems accurate and is pleasing to the eye. However, in some of the details she both does and doesn't resemble this appearance in the show; I think it's the hair sculpt and just her overall face shape, which makes her appear MUCH older than 14; then again, that also happened in the finale when she often appeared much older in the animation.

Also, fun fact about that big effect piece!

It's heavier than the stand (please pardon my dusty shelf ;A:)

I'd seen one video where someone managed to pose her really nicely with said effect piece; but I'm going to have to loosen the screws on some of these pegs to make them bend bc only one will move for me.

This is how I have her posed on my shelf (for now; I DID spend money on her so until further notice she'll go on the shelf), but I have to pose the effect a specific way, because the effect is too heavy and will cause her wrist joint to buckle and won't aim properly (Ozai has the same issue)

So how does she compare to the McFarlane figure?

While the Diamond Select has more pieces and range of motion, the McFarlane figures just LOOK better imo, and I'm not just talking about the fact that the McFarlane figure is pre-breakdown; it just looks better.

I know here soon that DS Azula is going to start wimping out of her pose and falling over (just like Ozai and Toph) and get all loose; however, the McFarlane brand does have issues standing at times, but I've been able to get most of them to stand upright for the most part (sometimes their effect piece balances them out; unfortunately for one of my Aang's I have to lean him against the bookshelf wall so they're not all winners)

Also my DS Azula came with an un-centered skirt which is REALLY bothersome. I am impressed with how the hair is sculpted that way but... like why? Why this version? Why make her first figure out of this design??

Regardless, If you're just looking to have some decent looking figures for an atla collection, just go with the 5 in McFarlane Azula (which is available on Amazon), or even the YouTooz. I mean, unless you don't like Azula then by all means don't let me tell you what to do lmao; but I just don't think this figure is worth it.

Alas, she is now part of my family of figures and I am a big softie so until I learn how to do doll modifications she'll hang out on the Fire Fam shelf.

[bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls]

The Daily Dad — Dec 23, 2023

Things you might want to know:

Ryan Gosling Unveils 'Ken The EP' With New Christmas Version ❝ The EP includes a seasonal spin on his Barbie soundtrack hit, “I’m Just Ken (Merry Kristmas Barbie),” along with a video of Gosling, Mark Ronson, and Andrew Wyatt in the studio. Additional “I’m Just Ken” renditions include “In My Feelings Acoustic,” “Purple Disco Machine Remix,” and the original.

Apple Wants to Partner With Major Publishers to Train AI - MacRumors ❝ Apple has approached several major publishers to establish deals that would allow the Cupertino company to train generative artificial intelligence...

“Fentanyl exposure” is not a thing ❝ Illicit use of fentanyl has been linked to overdoses since the 1970s. In this video, Dr. Marino explains why accidental exposure is highly unlikely. Learn more about fentanyl overdose facts in this blog post!

Google’s ChatGPT competitor Bard is nearly as good — just slower 💭 For now, Bard is my go-to LLM front-end. It’s frequently wrong or confused —like all LLMs— but provides enough value to pull me back from time to time. And it’s free, which makes its annoyances a little less annoying.

Police have unlimited warrantless access to Americans' medical records via Walgreens, CVS, Rite Aid and other pharmacies ❝ U.S pharmacy chains such as Walgreens, CVS and Rite Aid provide police warrantless access to customers' medical records, reports Ars Technica. Some don't even have legal professionals review the requests,…

Raquel Leviss: Why the Heck Did I Return to Vanderpump Rules?!? 💭 Because you’re a fame-whore, honey. Because you’re a fame-whore.

The persistence of tradition: the curious case of Henry Symeonis ❝ Christmas is a time for tradition, and the University of Oxford is well known for diligently preserving its traditions for centuries. Many of these have long outlived the people who established the…

Surgeon punches patient during operation ❝ A surgeon in China is in trouble after punching a patient three times in the head during an operation. Viral footage of the incident has outraged the nation and already…

Joe Biden Pardons Federal Marijuana Possession Convictions ❝ On Friday, President Joe Biden announced that he's pardoning federal and D.C. marijuana possession convictions.

From the Depths of Wikipedia: none of the phrasing from the 2003... ❝ From the Depths of Wikipedia: none of the phrasing from the 2003 “Ship of Theseus” page on Wikipedia remains

Jan. 6 rioter nabbed in Bumble dating app sting pleads guilty to assaulting officers ❝ Her strategy, she said, was to say, "Wow, crazy, tell me more,” on repeat until guys gave her enough to send their information to the FBI.

South Park: Snow Day! Announces Release Date With New Trailer - IGN 💭 Given how bad the Beavis & Butthead games were, South Park has had it pretty easy… The Stick of Truth was actually pretty damned good. So there’s at least a chance that Snow Day won’t be complete dog-shit… but I’m limiting my optimism until something bolsters it.

Facebook Marketplace Is Being Ruined by Zelle Scammers ❝ I tried to sell a futon on Facebook Marketplace and nearly all I got were scammers.

Apple's Mac Mini M2 falls back to a low of $479 💭 If you’ve already got a monitor/mouse/keyboard, this is an excellent deal.

The Gilded Age renewed for a third season 💭 I was completely unaware that there’s a subset of the audience that hate-watches this show; I’m mystified. Is it great television? Not really. But it’s as good as any latter season of Downton Abbey, and I enjoy seeing Cynthia Nixon play something so un-Miranda. I can understand being bored by TGA, but there’s nothing actually bad about it.

Starfield will get updates every six weeks beginning in February 2024 💭 I’m left shockingly cold by the opening minutes of Starfield, and haven’t even bothered to finish lift-off from the starting planet. It all just seems so generic, in contrast to the weirdness of Fallout 4’s opening, or the world-building and Big Plot Stuff that occupied the beginning of Skyrim. There’s only so much they can patch, but I hope they improve it.

Bluesky posts are finally visible if you’re not logged in ❝ Bluesky remains an invite-only decentralized Twitter alternative, but now, you don’t need to be logged in to be able to see posts on the platform. The app has a new logo, too.

#news

[jemstarearrings]

S01E05 "The Battle of The Bands"

It's the conclusion to the first five episodes and the pilot arc, and you can tell they ran out of animation budget two episodes ago. The timing was off throughout the episode, a lot of animation was reused and stiff, and who can forget this classic:

Despite that, Episode 5 has probably the coolest use of holograms ever. The Holograms tricking Zipper and his men over and over was the greatest subterfuge I've seen in a while, and the part where the ACTUAL non-hologram police show up and the lackey treats them like they're fake is hilarious.

It does stretch the suspension of disbelief how Zipper and his men don't immediately wonder how all of this is happening, and there's something to be noted about Jerrica's disappearance from the time they leave Starlight Mansion to the time Jem projects Jerrica backstage from the battle, but I'm going to justify it with "everyone in the 80s was on drugs." Or at the very least, there was enough hairspray in the air that it basically did the same thing.

However, I can refuse to over-scrutinize something when it at least gives me something cool and interesting to watch, and this episode does just that. That’s why, despite a lot of the flaws of the series present here, I’m giving it an A. 

I swear I won’t give every episode an A, these are just genuinely good episodes

Zipper trespasses at the Starlight Drive-in. This is the least of his crimes thus far so I'm giving him just 3 months in jail and a $500 fine.

Eric kidnaps Ashley as a hostage, and the Misfits lock her in a trunk that's almost crushed. The immediate threat to her life and the hostage situation turn this into a first-degree kidnapping charge, getting all four of them a life sentence in prison!

Zipper, meanwhile, doesn't technically kidnap Jem and the Holograms but does hold them prisoner under the drive-in, which constitutes false imprisonment. Zipper gets 3 years in prison and a fine of $25,000.

Eric, as if trying to add more crimes before a timer runs out, tries to steal the Rockin' Roadster during Jem's performance at the battle of the bands. Just like the video game, it’s grand theft auto! The cost of the Roadster changes the punishment, so assuming a brand new gold-plated topless roadster with a custom hood ornament is above $100,000, Eric gets 15 years in prison and a $25,000 fine. (Man, a lot of crimes come in multiples of 25k, right?)

Right at the end of the episode and out of nowhere, Eric slaps Jerrica in the face. Battery! This is so minor, though, I'm letting Eric off easy with a fine of $75.

Total Charge: 4 life sentences, 18 years, and 3 months in jail, and $50,575 in fines.

It’s also worth noting at this point that most of the crimes the Misfits and their crew commit are felonies, making ALL of these characters legal felons. This means, among other things, the Misfits and their crew can no longer:

Vote

Serve on a jury

Travel abroad

Own or operate firearms

Be teachers, cops, childcare professionals, military service members, or run for office

Apply for federal or state grants, live in public housing, or get welfare benefits

And if they apply for a normal job, employers are legally allowed to discriminate against them for being felons when they see the background checks. It's a damn good thing Eric has lawyers and Pizzazz's dad is rich, because even after just the first episode, these girls are screwed with a capital fucked (pardon my french!)

The next episode reviews will be the Starbright trilogy! How exciting!! I can’t wait to finally watch the first real episodes after the series was greenlit. The animation’s going to be so much better....

#episode reviews #jem #jath #jem and the holograms

[agentnico]

Renfield (2023) Review

Finally we have a sequel to the 1988 masterpiece that is Vampire’s Kiss, that spawned generations worth of meme material and then some, and gave us a Nicolas Cage so unhinged, even for Nicolas Cage! It only took them 35 years, but now we get Cage as the actual vampire. Wonderful. As for those who haven’t seen Vampire’s Kiss - seek it out. It’s an amalgamation of weird, funny, silly, creepy and bat-shit (pardon the pun) crazy, and its about Cage THINKING he’s a vampire. It’s honestly amazing! Anyway, now let’s see him play an actual vamp.

Plot: Renfield, the tortured aide to his narcissistic boss, Dracula, is forced to procure his master's prey and do his every bidding. However, after centuries of servitude, he's ready to see if there's a life outside the shadow of the Prince of Darkness.

Those who know me are probably aware that I have a particular affinity to the man, the myth, the legend that is Nicolas Cage. I truly believe the man is great. With the way he uses German expressionism to deliver performances that to the casual viewer may seem over-the-top ridiculous and unnatural, but in reality is him giving it his absolute all deliver roles that are so unique and unlike anything else one has ever seen. I’m not simply talking about Vampire’s Kiss here. I mean, pick any film from his filmography - you have Face/Off, there’s Mandy, of course Con Air, The Rock...the list goes on. Even when he’s in a blatantly terrible movie such as The Wicker Man remake, he somehow comes out on top at the end with everyone loving him and quoting his lines endlessly. I mean, everyone knows the memorable scene where Cage is being tortured with a wire mesh helmet filled with bees, prompting his oft-parodied line, "Not the bees!" The man is great! He truly cares for the acting craft and is so shamelessly willing to go above and beyond in every role. 

Now the time has come for Nicolas Cage to take on a role that was a long time coming - Count Dracula. Look, I’m not going to waste your time here, Cage is fantastic as Dracula. He obviously steals the show by truly embodying the famous Bram Stoker creation. He is indeed over-acting 100%, but for this version of the character in a horror-action-comedy he is perfect. He’s everything I wanted from Nicolas Cage playing Dracula, and look, if you like Cage’s brand you will love him in this. If you don’t, then maybe just don’t go see Renfield. Easy choice there. But the way he uses mannerisms and maniacal facial movements in this movie make you truly enamoured and entertained whenever he’s on screen. A particular highlight moment is when Dracula visits Renfield in his studio apartment having caught him out on a lie, and his sarcastic delivery of every line is truly some of the funniest stuff I’ve seen all year, and I’ve watched Cocaine Bear! Also shout-out to the make-up department too, as the way the make Cage’s Dracula look in this movie, particularly in the earlier scenes when he is recovering from the burns of sunlight and you see the skin on his face half peeled off, that’s some great practical effects. 

So yes, Nicolas Cage is obviously Renfield’s main selling point. However the titular character himself is played by Nicholas Hoult who too is actually really well realised, with Hoult giving an adorably innocent character performance in his demeanour, all the while also managing to rip people’s heads and arms off left and right, yet still somehow being adorable whilst doing so? Yep, quite the paradox. Speaking of ripping off limbs, there is a hell of a lot of gore in this. I mean proper over the top comic violence where there are literally geysers of the red stuff splattering all over the screen. It’s as if Tarantino walked on set and was like “you guys may not have any feet shots, but boy are you gonna blast some blood!“ Honestly, it’s like Django Unchained all over again. Kind of felt a bit video-game like, with some anime tendencies due to all the madness. 

As for what I didn’t like. Awkwafina - I do apologise for those who are a fan of hers, but I just cannot warm to her in any of her roles. I find her super annoying, and not simply due to her voice, and in here she does the same shtick she always does. And in reality, her entire side-plot in this movie about being a cop fighting against corruption - why was that in the movie? Goodness, I’ve just reminded myself of that Key & Peele sketch about Gremlins 2 where Jordan Peele constantly says “THAT’S BRILLIANT, THAT’S IN THE MOVIE, DONE!!” But yes, all the scenes inn the police precinct felt like they were part of a different movie that had nothing to do with what was going on. All the stuff with Dracula and Renfield’s toxic relationship is great, however all the cop stuff was unneeded. 

Overall Renfield is a silly horror comedy that doesn’t take itself seriously, and simply gives us some stupid entertainment. I had a blast - Nic Cage is great, Nic Hoult was fun, the gore was mental, there were some hilarious moments of dialogue. Ben Schwartz AKA Jean Ralphio plays a mobster/spoiler son brat in this and has some of the funniest lines. Arguably Schwartz is even more over the top than Cage in this movie, and that’s saying something! Renfield is a great time at the movies, as long as you’re willing to embrace its goofy gothic style and lack of seriousness. And Nic Cage fans will have a hoot.

Overall score: 7/10

#renfield #dracula #nicolas cage #nicholas hoult #awkwafina #ben schwartz #brandon scott jones #shohreh aghdashloo #2023 #2023 in film #2023 films #renfield review #movie #film #horror #comedy #cinema #movie reviews #film reviews #chris mckay #robert kirkman #bram stoker #fantasy #action #gothic #vampire #renfield 2023 #renfield movie #universal pictures #vampire's kiss

[xandriagreat]

The Paw | chapter 8

First chapter | Last chapter | Next chapter 

Author’s note: Just want everyone to know that the song’s lyrics are going to be bold and italic. The ‘…’ are the long notes if bold and italic.

Notice/Warnings: nervous, drinks, invading personal space, Caps

▪▪▪

‘Tonight is the night!’ Diane thought happily as she got a diamond necklace on as she listened to the news.

She’s wearing the outfit that Lou made for her and two blue heels that she had with her. She’s also got two bracelets, a diamond one on her right wrist and a golden loop one on her left wrist.

The news mostly talked about the Gala for goodness and the Love Creator Meteorite will be shown to the public for the first time. The news also talked about the video of Diane saving Olive and how everyone started to not fear her.

Diane smiled as she looked at Olive, who was on one of the bunk beds, licking his paw. “So, what do you think, Oli?” she asked as she spun around to show him. Olive smiled at her and meowed happily. He jumped off of the bed and went to her, wanting to be picked up. 

Diane chuckled softly and picked him up. She looked at as he nuzzled close. “Hey, Oli.” Daine said softly. The kitten looked up at her as she continued, “When this gala is done, I’m coming back for you and then we’ll go.” ‘With the Golden Dolphin.’ she thought to herself as the kittin smiled and licked her nose, causing her to chuckle.

She puts Olive down and gets her handbag as she exits the room. “I’ll be back.” she reassured the kittin, smiling. 

Before Daine went to the main hall to exit the place, she stopped in the living room, because her last teammate was there, Pam Kitty Cat.

The fox gasped softly and smiled big as the lioness smiled back at her, chuckling, “Well, you look like a queen.”

Diane blushed and smiled softly. “Thanks, Pamla.”

Pam nodded as they walked to the door. Diane noticed that Pam wasn’t just wearing anything fancey, just plain black pants, white shirt, and a gray vest. “You're not coming?”

Pam shrugged and replied, “You’ll probably see me and the girls for like a glismp.”

Dina smiled and nodded. “Okay.” she said waving bye to her as she went.

Cuddles waited for her by the limo. He smiled as he opened the door for her. “Thank you, Cuddles.” Diane said, smiling back as she got in.

☆◇

Diane smiled during the drive to the gala as she reviewed her plan in her mind.

She knows that The Golden Dolphin will be in a titanium case controlled by a randomly generated five-digit code and the code is in case that’s handcuffed to the chief of police, but she has a plan to get it. She’ll secure the fake Dolphin and plant cirit jammers and download to override the power grid. At the end of the night, she’s going to give a toast to the Professor and when she says ‘Marmalade’, the lights will go out and she’ll have six seconds to make a move to do a switcheroo. When Chief hands the fake Dolphin, Diane will get her pardon, applause and applause, exit stage, and by the time they realize what happened, she’ll be gone in the sunset, with Olive, legacy cemented.

Soon as the car stopped, she’s at the Gala.

The Gala was outside, it was near where the Meteorite hit the city.

The car door opened and Diane looked down to see Professor Marmalade, dressed in a wonderful red suit, smiling up at her. “Well, Ms Paw. This is it!” the Professor exclaimed happily. Before Diane got out of the car, Marmalade added, “All eyes are going to be on you tonight, not me.”

Diane hummed and got out of the car after the ‘pep talk’, Professor Marmalade faced the huge crowd of guests and announced for all to hear, “Friends, meet The good Fox!”

Everyone turned their heads and looked at The Paw in silence… before they went into loud cheers and applause.

To Diane, this was new to her from a huge crowd. Never before, for most of her life,  have seen everyone so… happy to see her. 

Diane starts to smile softly as she walks to join the party. ‘Okay… fake Dolphin, fake Dolphin, fake Dolphin…’ she thought as she looked. She found a fake Dolphin on a table and was about to go to get it but a few people quickly went to her. 

“Ms Paw!” one exclaimed excitedly. “Miss Paw! Is it true that foxes are connected to fire and the sun?” one asked excitedly. 

Diane stared at them for a moment, surprised and somewhat confused, as she thought that she’ll work on the jammers, said, “I-what? Are foxes connected to fire and the sun? I say that some ancestors were but I say it’s a myth.”

She walked with a few people, answering some burning questions that they had as she secretly planted cirit jammers. 

When Diane was alone, she looked at her golden loop bracelet, which has a hidden compartment lid to see a screen for downloading for the blackout percent and see through the case when she’s close to the chief, a recorder so she could remember this moment when she does her speech, and the button for the blackout.

The small screen for the download showed 5% and going up quickly. 

She closed the lid with a soft click, got a fake Dolphin when no one was looking, and put it in her handbag. 

She noticed a few kids carrying metal boxes, probably connected to the heart on the screen on the stage, showing numbers of money. The Love meteorite was above the screen, to be seen by all. ‘Why have kids do that? Cute faces, maybe.’ she thought. She also noticed that there's maps of the city and the places where the charity money will go to. She picked one up and put it in her bag as she walked.

Then a few people went up to her, excited. “Ms Paw!” some exclaimed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!” one said.

Diane turned to them, this time smiling at them. “The pleasure is all mine.” Diane said, doing a small bow to them. When she looked back up, she saw the Governor in the distance.

Moe Wolf was dressed in a blue suit. 

He noticed her and waved at her while one of the people asked, “Mind I take a photo for my kids?”

Diane started to get nervous but she calmly said, “Excuse me… I need a moment.” Then she disappeared into the crowd, looking for Chief, letting the Governor to be confused.

When Diane found Chief Misty Luggins, she was by the bar, with binoculars, probably looking for her. The case is on the bar. 

Diane smiled as she went to her and tapped on her shoulder. 

Chief Misty Luggins turned around, with the binoculars still over her eyes, and jumped when she saw Daine, throwing the binoculars up in the air. 

Diane caught the binoculars before they hit the floor. “That would have been bad.” she said, handing them to the Chief. 

Chief glared at her as she took them back. “Agreed…”

“Why do you even have them tonight? I mean, I know that you’re working, but loosen up if you can.” Diane said, sitting down next to her. She got the hidden compartment lid opened and had her other hand covering the lid as it quietly scans the case to see inside. 

Chief Misty looked offended and said, “Well, I was going to order a drink.”

While the Chief ordered her drink, Diane took a quick peek to look at her bracelet. 

The download was at 54% and it just finished scanning: showing the code.

The code: 1 2 3 4 5

‘Of course.’ Diane thought as she rolled her eyes and she closed the hidden compartment lid with a small click, which got Chief’s attention. 

Chief looked at her, while holding her drink, and asked, “Did you make a sound?”

Diane, panicked, shook her head. “No.”

Chief glared and started to get close to her, making Diane start to sweat and her ears flat to her head. 

Then from the speakers, there was a loud “HELLO EVERYBODY!!!!”

Everyone looked at the stage, including Daine and Chief, causing Chief to give Diane some space. 

Pepe is on the stage by the main microphone, smiling at the audience. “How are we doing tonight!” he exclaimed excitedly.

“Good!” Everyone cheered. 

‘What’s Pepe doing?’ Diane thought with a confused smile.

“I’m gonna sing a new song! But I didn’t write the song.” Pepe explained. “And the artist isn’t here to my knowledge but her friend is! Diane!”

The fox’s ears went straight up in surprise while everyone looked at her. Then someone picked her up, put her on their shoulder, and yelled, “Found her!”

Diane looked to see who picked her up.

It was Lou.

She smiled at him while Lou asked the Chief, “Mind if I take her?”

Chief nodded. “Go ahead.”

Lou smiled and took Diane, who was still on his shoulder, to the stage. Diane saw that everyone was smiling at her as she went to the stage with Lou.

When they got to the stage, Pepe stepped to the side for her, but before she went to the microphone, Herbert stopped her for a moment and pointed at her bag. “You’ll get it back after this whole thing,” he whispered, almost reassuring, “okay?”

Diane nodded slowly and handed it to him. Herbert puts her handbag on the DJ station table, where Stefanie was, waving at her. Diane waved back softly and went to the microphone. 

“Okay…” Diane breathed before she spoke into the microphone, “This song is very special to me. This song was made by a friend of mine. Most of you would have known her as The Wild Rose Quartz but I knew her as Emily Lou.” Diane chuckled softly before she continued, “This song was going to let the world know that my team and I… were going to go good.”

This news shocked everyone that most gasped. There was also the sound of a dropping glass and shattered, probably from the chief.

Diane nodded and continued, “Yep… but you all are not here for a story… you’re all here to celebrate the good and to party. So, without further ado, I hand the mic to Mr Pepe Piranha!” Diane stepped to the side so Pepe could step up to the mic and went to go offstage.

Diane noticed that all four teammates were wearing blue outfits.

"You guys look great, by the way." she whispered to Stefanie. The tarantula smiled at her as she got offstage.

When the fox joined the crowd, Pepe started to sing; “Look… at me! Tell me what… you see? Am I good… or bad? Don’t you judge… so fast. Hey, hey, hey!” 

The crowd started to cheer as the color of the lights became from light blue to a light purple. Diane smiled at the music picked up.

“I know you think that you know me. You made your conclusions. You think that I‘m scary, well that’s your own delusion. Listen what I tell you, there's more than meets the eye. So take a closer look to find a real good guy!”

Diane jumped when she heard the Governor call out to her, “Ms Paw.”

“Mr Moe Wolf!” she exclaimed as she turned around to face him, her focus now on him. 

Moe chuckled softly, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re avoiding me, until you got you on stage.”

Diane looked surprised at him. “Avoiding all of you?! What makes you say that?” she chuckled nervously before she sighed. “It was surprising when Pepe did that announcement thing and when Lou got me up there. I was not prepared for that…”

Moe hummed and nodded, his arms crossed his chest. “Okay, but I hope that you don’t mind me asking.” 

Diane nodded to him, nervousness on her face. “Go ahead.”

Then Moe Wolf offered his hand to her and asked, “Mind if we dance?”

“Oh!” Diane exclaimed softly and took his hand. 

“-And get up on the Floor! We’re gonna be Good Tonight!”

Diane dusted herself before she danced with Moe. They both start to have a good time dancing.

At one point of the dance, Moe commented, “I notice that you lost the prey’s clothing.”

“Yeah, I wanted to be the real me.” Diane said as the lights became a dark pink to a light pink as more money was given.

“I think that I like the new you.” Moe said as he danced with Diane. 

“Well, that makes two of us.” Diane commented, smiling during the dance.

On stage, Pepe, while he was singing, Lou, who just got a trumpet, and Herbert, who was playing the bass, jumped into the crowd to join the party and continued to play the music. Everyone is dancing, even the Chief of police.

Diane felt alive, more alive than before, as she danced and laughed. 

She saw Tiffany Fluffit and her cameraman, recording the event. For whatever reason, she waved at the camera before going back to dance.

Moe spins with Diane and picks her up. The music sounded faded and slowed as the both of them were smiling at each other. “So… how does it feel to not be feared for a change?” Moe asked as he put Diane down on her feet. Diane paused for a moment as she looked at everyone who was around them. 

Everyone is cheering and having fun.

Diane looked at her tail, which was wagging a lot under her skirt. “It feels… Good.” the fox replied softly. “Real good.”

Then Diane held Moe’s hands in her’s. “Moe,” she started, smiling at the wolf as she put his pocket watch with the five diamonds on it in his paws, making Moe gasp in surprise, “it belongs to you.”

Moe smiled back as they went back to dance more with the music going back to the fast and loud beat as the lights became golden yellow.

Pepe, Lou, and Herbert were back on the stage, still playing the music. “We’re the Good Good Guys!”

Moe and Diane held their hands as they ran onto the stage and spined each other. Diane dipped Moe as the song finished, both breathing heavily and smiling at each other. 

Diane got Moe upright as the heart on the screen on the stage, showing numbers of money got to the goal for the charities!

Professor Marmalade came on stage, talking into the microphone, “Thank you Ms Paw! And thank you everyone! We have reached our goal! Now all of the money that has been donated tonight will go to the different charities throughout the city!”

While everyone cheered, Diane looked at her golden bracelet’s hidden compartment lid opened and had her other hand covering the lid to see that the download was complete at 100%.

Diane smiled as she stepped up next to Professor Marmalade, her hand still over her bracelet. “Mind if I give a speech?” she asked Professor Marmalade. 

The Professor nodded and stepped to the side to let her be front center stage. 

Diane took in a breath, ready to press the button, and said to the crowd, “It’s been an honor to learn and start to blossom the flower within. A huge thanks goes to-” Diane stopped as she looked at Moe, Herbert, Lou, Stefanie, and Pepe. 

They’re smiling at her. It reminded her of the photo of her and her team. For some reason, something inside her told her: ‘This is wrong… go good.’

She sighed a bit before she closed the hidden compartment lid again with a small click. “To Professor Marmalade!” she exclaimed, smiling and finished her small speech. She moved back a bit to let the Professor have the spotlight as everyone cheered and noticed that the Chief just got the Golden Dolphin out of the titanium case. 

“Chief,” Diane said, facing the Chief, “may I do the honors?”

The Chief was hesitant at first but handed the Golden Dolphin to her. Diane smiled a bit sadly, knowing that this is probably the close of her holding the Dolphin, as she hands it to Professor Marmalade. 

The Professor smiled big as he showed the Golden Dolphin to the audience while Diane looked down before she noticed Moe walk over to her, a proud smile on his face. “A deal is a deal.” he said to her, sounding happy for her. The team nodded in agreement.

Diane felt that she was going to cry as Moe turned to the audience and started, “In the power infested by me-”

But he was interrupted by a black out, making everyone confused. 

It lasted for five seconds until the lights came back on, a white screen on the stage. “That… was odd.” Diane commented, confused like everyone else.

Then one person from the crowd points above the screen and shout, "The meteorite is gone!"

Everyone looks up at where the meteorite was placed:

It was gone!

#the bad guys #the bad guys fic #diane foxington #the crimson paw #mr wolf #mr. wolf #mr snake #mr. snake #mr piranha #mr. piranha #mr shark #mr. shark #ms tarantula #ms. tarantula #professor marmalade #misty luggins #tiffany fluffit #the paw

[fictionz]

I posted 1,417 times in 2022

That's 1,122 more posts than 2021!

316 posts created (22%)

1,101 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@evangelinedares

@thedoommerchant

@decadent-hag

@quark-tits

@cineshemp

I tagged 1,189 of my posts in 2022

Only 16% of my posts had no tags

#star trek - 145 posts

#video games - 110 posts

#art - 106 posts

#ds9 - 99 posts

#movies - 81 posts

#deep space nine - 79 posts

#horror - 54 posts

#comics - 39 posts

#new horror 2022 - 34 posts

#horror fiction - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#this is what a deceiver offers you as they come upon you shivering in the frost fields after you've passed through the dresser in the attic

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Pardon me while I think about how much I love Outer Wilds.

136 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#4

341 notes - Posted July 25, 2022

#3

Good for drama, bad for everything else.

665 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#2

Time loop video games and why we love (or hate) them

Some essays about time loops in video games:

“Time Loop Narratives Are About Love” by katy (cw: incest)

“Growth is a genuine change in you. Growth is seeing the world differently than you did before because you’re someone different now.”

Games highlighted: The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, DEATHLOOP, Twelve Minutes, Oxenfree

“Time loops are a weird genre for an anxious time” by Jenna Stoeber and Polygon

“Part of why they’re regaining popularity is because the world is a mess and we either don’t know how or don’t have the power to fix it.”

Games highlighted: The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, Elsinore, Outer Wilds, Undertale, Inscryption, The Stanley Parable, The Forgotten City, Twelve Minutes

“Time Loop Nihilism” by Jacob Geller (cw: graphic violence and incest)

“I eventually came to realize, if I’m going to do this all again, if there are few real consequences for failure... why would I play in a way that’s so boring?”

Games highlighted: DEATHLOOP, Dishonored, Hitman 3, Bloodborne, Twelve Minutes

"Clockwork Games and Time Loops" by Game Maker’s Toolkit

“Every decision you make matters because you’re always spending your most precious currency: time.”

Games highlighted: Outer Wilds, Dead Rising, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, The Sexy Brutale, Elsinore, Minit, Vision Soft Reset, Twelve Minutes, DEATHLOOP, Hitman 2, Deus Ex: Human Revolution

"Why Time Loops Work Best in Video Games" by Extra Credits

“Failure doesn’t feel like an inconvenience or a punishment, but is instead a natural and necessary part of the story.”

Games highlighted: Elsinore, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, Undertale, DEATHLOOP, Returnal

"The Problem with Time Loop Games | 12 Minutes Analysis" by Ozzy II (cw: graphic violence and incest)

“This is the point I was talking about earlier, where the first half of the game is just worthless.”

Games highlighted: The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, Outer Wilds, Twelve Minutes, The Sexy Brutale

“Dying Rules in Time Loop Games” by Inside Gaming

“When the sun began to glow and implode, I knew I had no choice but to put down whatever I was doing and accept what was about to happen.”

Games highlighted: Outer Wilds, Into the Breach, Minit, Twelve Minutes, DEATHLOOP, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

"The Best Time Loop Games" by The Gadget Show

“Its black-and-white design and funny writing make this one memorable way longer than the minute it takes to complete a loop.”

Games highlighted: DEATHLOOP, Outer Wilds, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, Minit, Elsinore

741 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

1,074 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #star trek #video games #that checks out

[gengamer110]

Retro Fighters Sent Me a Defender, Brawler64 & BattlerGC

Retro Fighters sent me a few controllers to test out and review, specifically the Defender (Bluetooth Edition), Brawler 64 (Switch Edition) and the BattlerGC. I have been working with the Defender. Once I am finished with that, I will start with Brawler64 and lastly the BattlerGC. I might switch (pardon the pun) a little bit. Let me know what you want to see. Here are previous videos on other…

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#brawler 64 #defender #gamecube #n64 #nintendo #nintendo 64 #ps3 #ps4 #retro fighters #Retro Games #wii #wii u

[thejoyofviolentmovement]

New Video: JOVM Mainstay Evidence Releases a Contemplative Visual for "Pardon Me"

New Video: JOVM Mainstay Evidence Releases a Contemplative Visual for "Pardon Me" @Evidence @rhymesayers @StephenVanasco @steaminkettlepr

Born Micheal Taylor Perretta, the Los Angeles, CA-based emcee and producer Evidence has established himself as one of hip-hop’s most accomplished emcees and producers: as a solo artist and as a producer, Perretta has worked with Beastie Boys, Linkin Park, Defari, Planet Asia, DJ Premier, WestsideGunn, Prodigy, Rapsody, Aloe Blacc, Action Bronson, Atmosphere’s Slug, Cypress Hill and a lengthy list…

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#alternative hip hop #Evidence #Evidence Pardon Me #Evidence Unlearning Vol. 1 #Evidence Weather or Not #hip hop #music #music video #New Video #Pardon Me #Rhymesayers #Stephen Vanasco #video #Video Review #Video Review: Evidence Pardon Me #Video Review: Pardon Me

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Interview for Y/N L/N: Hotwire | Dysfunctional Quartet |TFATWS series

Set after the events of TFATWS

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Pairings: Sam Wilson x Vigilante!reader (platonic/flirtatious), Bucky Barnes x Vigilante!reader (platonic/flirtatious), Helmut Zemo x Vigilante!reader (platonic/flirtatious)

Content warnings: profanity, mentions of blood & violence. banter, fluff, angst. Mentions of death. Past criminal behavior. Mentions of Deadpool and Daredevil. | roughly 2k+ words

Premise: In hopes of putting together a team to stop Hydra from gaining control after being underground for almost ten years, Agent Everett Ross interviews two Avengers and two criminals to hopefully complete the mission.

Read Sam & Buckys interview

Read Zemo’s interview

———

Audio + video file of Case #5130-5400: Interview for Y/n L/n aka Hotwire. Subject to review.

“Please have a seat, we will begin momentarily.”

“Can I ask a question before we begin?” *takes seat*

“Of course?”

“Are you going to take these handcuffs off me? I mean are they really necessary?”

“They’re for your protection as much as mine, Y/N.”

“I’m a hacker, buddy. Not some assassin—.”

“Your record here states that in twenty-eighteen, you broke into a high security prison facility where you tranquilized five guards and poisoned four members of the Ten Rings and one of them had their ear cut off.”

*Silence*

“Touché. In my defense, they started it. Doesn’t that paper also say that they stole my algorithm and planned to use it to access nuclear codes? I was just doing you a favor, plus it was my work they took. But that was years ago and it’s not like I have a chance to escape I mean you’ve got this whole room blocked off and dudes on every corner. Please?”

*nods to someone off camera* “Very well. But they will be placed again once we finish.”

“Noted.”

“Okay, I think it’s time we begin.” *presses record button* “Today’s date is April tenth, twenty-twenty-four. This is Agent Everett Ross of the Central Intelligence Agency here with the criminal hacker and vigilante Y/N L/N, better known as ‘Hotwire’, of Hell’s Kitchen, New York. This interview is being recorded and subject to review once concluded. Now, Y/N do you know why we’ve brought you here today?”

“Well it certainly wasn’t to have a drink and make small talk.”

“No, obviously. You’re here because we need to discuss some things that have happened within the last several years, including your current imprisonment. From there we will get to why we need your help on a little issue.”

“No offense, Agent Rossi, but talking about my past isn’t something I’m very open about. Obviously this isn’t just a little tea party about my record and the crap I’ve done, but you want my help and thats gonna cost you. My work didn’t happen without some sort of profit.”

*flips open papers* “We’ll discuss terms and conditions about a formal release or pardon once we conclude, Y/N.”

*Thinks for a moment* “Fine, blondie. Lead the way”

“Why don’t you start us off by introducing yourself. Your name, where you’re from, how your reputation came to be and anything else you’d like me to know.”

*Cracks fingers and leans onto table* “Well, the name is Y/F/N, as you already know. Born and raised in Hell’s Kitchen to parents who owned and operated a corner store. My uncle, who you probably already know about and his record owned a garage and I would help work on the cars every weekend when I wasn’t at the shop or in school. In middle school I developed a fascination with technology and code, which I ended up teaching myself. By freshmen year of high school, I was able to hack into any device or software within seconds of operating. I was a good kid growing up, a good student, with loving and hardworking parents. But that all changed.

“My first brush with the law happened at sixteen. Hell’s Kitchen is no stranger to crime, and unfortunately robbery is common. The store my family owned got broken into often, but it was always closed when that happened so no one was there. One night however, my parents and I were working late—wanting to stock up the shelves so they were ready in the morning. I was in the back room when I heard commotion, and when I looked at the cameras…..I saw the two men and my parents were on the floor.

“I knew where my dad hid the shotgun and pistol, so without thinking, I grabbed and loaded them. I watched them through the cameras and when the one dude started approaching the back where I was, I cocked the shotgun and pulled the trigger as soon as he opened the door. Of course the other one heard what happened and ran in our direction, so I took the pistol beside me, cocked it and unloaded the magazine one he was in my view.

“I didn’t have to check if they were alive. I stepped over them and ran to my parents. My mom was already gone, but my dad was heavily breathing and I held him until the ambulance came. The police where there and wanted my to stay obviously, but i told them to simply watch the cameras in the back and they would see what happened. My dad didn’t make it through surgery, so my uncle closed the shop down and took me in.

“I’m sorry—.”

“Eh, I’ve made my peace a long time ago. Anyway it was with my uncle that my criminal ways began. I didn’t know at the time he was operating an illegal business, and once he found out what I could do with computers and tech, well it was only a matter of time before he brought me into the business. I finished high school, got accepted to a small community college, worked in his garage, and did whatever he told me to.”

“Is that how you became acquainted with that Pool guy?”

“Oh Wade? He was an old buddy from a bar I used to frequent. We were friends first before him and I tagged teamed against low life’s. If he needed a favor, I was there and vice versa. He’s my homie for life, although I kinda hate him for giving me that God awful nickname.”

“Wait, ‘Hotwire’ was his idea.”

“I didn’t agree with that, Agent Rossi—.”

“That’s not my name—.”

“—let me make that clear. He knew of my talent when it came to cars and then he thought ‘hacking’ was similar to hot wiring cars. He drunkenly called me it at the bar one night and everyone heard, so it stuck. The man has two brain cells and one was having an aneurysm that day.”

*Awkward silence*

“Why don’t we discuss your recent imprisonment.” *Flips page*

“Here we go…”

“First, you managed to escape the facility you were housed at after being apprehended for what you did in twenty-eighteen. You managed to remain under the grid for almost two years, up until eight months ago. It says here you disabled the White House’s security system during a gala, which just so happened to be the same night a plan to kidnap the president was in progress….”

“It was just an awful coincidence, agent Ross. I was drunk and Wade triple dog dared me to. I didn’t even know there was a plan to kidnap the president! I just knew there was a gala happening and we were in the area so I thought it would be funny to disable the system so we could sneak in.”

“You were on the run and off the grid, and you wanted to sneak into a highly exclusive White House gala?”

“Again, I was blasted off my ass and probably crossed. Wade wasn’t thinking straight either—well honestly he’s not even straight so that’s probably why—.”

“Let’s get back on topic, Y/N.”

“Oh sorry.”

“Your sentence would have been life in prison without parole, but your attorney Matt Murdock was able to cut a deal for thirty max with the possibility of parole at fifteen for good behavior. How did he manage that?”

“He’s a really good lawyer. Also the little Devil knows to treat me right.”

“Are you blackmailing him?”

“Of course you would see it that way being you’re a government official, Mr. Everett. But do you know that secrets are just as valuable as freedom?” *Silence* “Anyway, yes that’s why I’m locked up. So now that we’ve caught up why don’t get to our regularly scheduled program…..which is why you need my help and what do I get out of it.”

“Right.” *Closes folder* “What do you know of the terrorist group Hydra?”

“I know they’ve been around since World War Two, Steven Rodgers fought against them, they kidnapped James Barnes and made him their plaything, infiltrated SHIELD decades ago—-and were really calling the shots until their demise ten years ago—and they’ve either gone underground or were disbanded. Haven’t heard much of them since all their info went public. I’m guessing though by your question and body language, that they’ve made a sudden appearance?”

“Do you think if you were given the equipment and resources, that you’ll be able to locate any and every facility currently being operated and anyone affiliated at the moment?”

“I’m offended, Ev. You’re lack in my skills is disheartening. I felt like we were having a moment earlier when you—”

“Please answer the question.”

“Of course I can. I just need the equipment and basic information, but it may take time. Hydra hasn’t been in the limelight in so long that they’ve probably had increases in their security and softwares, breaking the firewalls isn’t going to be piece of cake. But give me the time and resources then I should manage quite well.”

“Very well. I’ll need to speak to your attorney about terms and conditions, but we are willing to grant you a temporary, supervised release if you help up. We’ve gotten recent intel about Hydra, and we need to stop them before they are able to accomplish whatever goals they have and you’re the best there is when it comes to hacking and tracking. Will you help us?”

“Is this gonna be like a buddy-cop movie? Or an undercover heist? I mean there’s no way you’re just letting me out without some restrictions. Who’s going to be helping me on this little quest?”

“We’ve put together a small team. Everyone in this group either has had some sort of direct contact with Hydra, or possesses the abilities that could help the overall purpose of the mission. You won’t be the only, uh” *cough* “one with a questioning record on the team, but we’ve got two who are more than capable to watch the two of you.”

“Could you at least tell me who they are?”

“That depends will you help us?”

“Will I receive a full pardon when the jobs over if I do everything you ask?”

“We will need to talk to your attorney about that and it will be up for debate once the mission is complete and your contributions are reviewed. But for now you will be held here until the others arrive and then you’ll be temporarily released under their supervision.”

“I guess I really don’t have a choice then do I? Help you and hope you give me my freedom, or decline and get back to my four plain walls. I guess you have yourself a deal, Agent.”

*Hands shake and release* “Thank you, Y/N. You’ll be escorted to your reserved room for the time being until the others arrive. Then you’ll be briefed with them on your task. Good luck.”

*Stands from chair* “You didn’t say who’ll be attending the little quest, Agent.”

“Oh right.” *Flips page and holds out paper* “This is your team, but I’m sure you’ve heard of them one way or another.”

*skims over pictures* “Well fuck me.”

- Samuel Thomas “Sam” Wilson: Formerly the ‘Falcon’, currently ‘Captain America’. Affiliations: U.S.A.F, Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D (formerly) | Current Status: Freelance Agent

- James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes: Formerly the ‘Winter Soldier’. Affiliations: U.S. Army, Avengers, HYDRA (formerly) | Current Status: Freelance Agent

- Colonel Helmut Zemo: Former Baron of Sokovia. Affiliations: Sokovian Armed Forces, EKO Scorpion (formerly) | Current Status: Apprehended

#dysfunctional quartet imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson #captain america imagine #baron zemo #Helmut zemo #baron zemo imagine #tfatws imagine #tfatws #vigilante!reader #hacker!reader #marvel fanfiction #avengers imagine #Everett Ross #Everett Ross imagine

[mrsdeanwinchester19]

The Interview

Steve x reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: The Avengers have interviews with a news outlet and it doesn’t go as expected

Type: Fluff and humor

Warnings: None

Author’s Note: This was inspired by the Jiminy Glick/Jimmy Fallon interview

The Avengers compound was almost completely quiet, Steve was the only one awake.  He doesn’t normally stay at the compound anymore, preferring to stay at his house, but they got in late from a mission last night and fell asleep after taking his suit off.  The only noise came from the drip, drip, drip of the coffee maker as he mentally tried to prepare for the interviews the whole team has today.  Everyone had been assigned a journalist for a news outlet called The New York Sun.  They were doing a piece on the Avengers, hopefully they won’t try to turn it into an exposé, but it’s not like they would find any information that isn’t already on the Internet after Natasha decrypted and released SHIELD’s files.

Bucky stumbles into the kitchen in a long gray and purple striped robe, looking like he just woke from cryo.  “Good morning sunshine,” Steve jokes.  Bucky glares at him before taking the cup of coffee that Steve had prepared for himself before walking back out.  “FRIDAY,” Steve says to the air.  “Set an alarm for everyone’s room.”  He smiles slightly when the loud alarm starts blaring in all their rooms.  

Sam slams his door open and looks around frazzled.  “What the hell, man?” He clearly woke up thinking there was some kind of attack happening.

Steve simply shrugs his shoulders in response.  “You need to get ready.”

Once everyone had gotten up and gotten ready, they all have a meeting in the common area.  Tony orders them not to say anything the people don’t know about already, don’t say anything about each other, and definitely don’t talk about relationships or family.  

The journalists are spread out around the compound, each in their own room, so Tony tells them where to go to meet their journalist.  Steve goes into the conference room to see one chair turned away from him.  When he closes the door, the journalist spins their chair around and sets their papers on the table.  Steve is immediately struck by how beautiful the interviewer is. Long Y/H/C hair tumbling over her shoulders, bright Y/E/C eyes staring into his baby blues.  She’s wearing a tight black skirt and a white blouse that Steve can slightly see her lacy bralette through.  

“Steve Rogers, nice to meet you,” she says, extending her hand.  Steve grips her soft hand in his rough one and shakes it.  He can’t help but notice the lack of a ring on the hand he didn’t shake.

“Nice to meet you too Miss…” he trails off.

“Y/N.”

“Miss Y/N.  It’s not often we do interviews, just press conferences,” he says, sitting down across the table from her.

“Well, normally I interview celebrities, so this is a nice change of pace,” she answers.  Apparently Steve isn’t a celebrity in her eyes despite the fact that he’s a national icon and has been since World War II.  

“What would you like to know?” Steve changes the subject.

“I want to know about your journey.  I want to know how-” she checks her notes, “-Steve Rogers got to where he is today; but not too much detail because I don’t actually care.  You were born where?”

“I was born and raised in Brooklyn-,” Steve explains, but she cuts him off.

“-Isn’t that wonderful? Poor Brooklyn or Newsies Brooklyn?”

“Uh, it was more poor Brooklyn.”

“Poor Brooklyn, okay. And I’m assuming from the grammar…limited education.”

Steve nearly has to keep his jaw from dropping at her audacity.  To keep his mouth from opening, he clenches his jaw as she continues with the questions.  He may not be a genius like Tony, but he’s smart.  While Tony’s head is filled with ideas for inventions, his is packed with military strategies, fighting styles, and a lifetime of wise advice that the team never wants to hear.  Then, at night, what takes over his mind is how embarrassing the Rappin’ with Cap videos about hot lunches and tooth decay are.

She continues before he has a chance to respond, “There are a lot of words you don’t say.  Rumors are you don’t swear, is that true?”  Steve nods his head in affirmation.  “Why?  Are you scared of saying the words or something?”

Steve sighs, used to this kind of response.  “I just think it sounds unintelligent and unprofessional.”

“Ah, and with your lack of education you want to sound as smart as possible.  So, moving on, you stopped producing weapons.  You said ‘I’m not gonna do it anymore’.  Why is that?”

“Yeah, that uh, that wasn’t me, that was Tony.”

“And you are…?”

“Steve Rogers.”

She gasps, “These questions are not- I’m not prepared for this!  Alright, improvising.  Here’s one, how are you alive?”

“I beg your pardon?” Steve asks, not quite understanding if she’s referring to his age or a certain mission he shouldn’t have come back from.

“You went into the ice. Human cells are mostly made of water. When water freezes, it expands. Your cells should have burst.”

“They think that the serum prevented it from happening.  The doctors said that instead of the water in my cells expanding that when it got cold it clumped together and turned solid.  I’m not a scientist though, that’s something you would want to ask Bruce or Cho, they tried to explain it to me.”

“Bruce isn’t a medical doctor, right?” she asks.

“Right.  But he studied the serum, attempting to replicate it and now that I’m here again he’s trying to learn more about it.  I was basically a pin cushion for him in the beginning, he took so much blood.”

“Alright, last question. I wanna ask you about your relationship with Bucky Barnes.”

“He’s a very good friend-“ Steve begins.

“Lover.”

“What?”

“Is he your lover?” she asks again.

“No, he’s just a friend; basically my brother,” Steve defends.

“Admit it in this interview, he’s your male lover!”

“You’re just trying to get a reaction out of me!” Steve says.  He knows he shouldn’t let her rile him up at all, but he can’t help it when the entire interview has been to hold.

“I’m not trying to get a reaction.”

“Yes you are, you’re trying to get a reaction out of me by saying ridiculous stuff like this!”

“I’ll tell you the reaction that I’m trying to get over, I’m trying to get over the fact that I thought this was with Stark!”

“You gotta be shitting me.”

“Oof, Rogers, you kiss your wife with that mouth?  Or should I say you kiss Bucky with that mouth,” she says.

Steve pulls at his own hair before walking out of the conference room.  She’ll find her own way out.  What the hell kind of interview was that?  The questions were almost nonsensical, followed no pattern or sequence, and apparently she thought she was interviewing a different person.  He’s been angered by interviewers before, especially when they try to work in “gotcha” questions, but never straight up insulted like this with the education comment.  He’s not sure if the others are done with their interviews yet but if he needs to talk to them, he can text.  He’s headed home.

  You unlock your front door and drop your purse after closing the door. Before you even get a chance to turn on the light, a voice calls out.  “Limited education?”

You jump a bit and put your hand on your chest.  You look over to see a dark figure on the couch.  He stands up and slowly walks over until he’s in the light shining through the front windows from the street lights.  “I think you deserved it,” you say.

“Oh really?” he asks.

“Yes.  Texting your wife that you’re getting in and then staying at the compound?”  You walk closer to him.  “I stayed up for hours worried that something happened to you in the last few minutes of the flight and you said I’m not allowed to call you during missions.”

“I’m sorry babe, my phone died and I passed out when I went to go take off my uniform.  Can you forgive me?” he asks, wrapping his arms around your waist.

You look up at him then at his chest.  “I mean, a massage would definitely help…”

He laughs.  “I was about to ask the same thing of you, especially after FRIDAY showed Tony the full recording of my interview and then had an almost two hour phone call with me about it.  He’s gonna kill me when he finds out the interviewer was my wife.  Actually it’s gonna be when he finds out I got married and didn’t invite the team.”

“Well don’t worry about it,” you say, setting your hands against his chest and feel his strong heart beating beneath his skin.  “He’ll understand since you two weren’t on good terms at the time. In other news, I wrote you a shining review about how you’re smart, selfless, brave, kind, and how sexy your ass is.”

He laughs and leans down to kiss you.  The kiss is chaste but sweet.  “We’re having dinner with the team on Thursday.”  

It’s Monday today so that gives me only 3 days to mentally prepare to meet the people most important to him. “Are you sure?” I ask nervously.  

“Of course!  You already know Bucky and he loves you.  I’m sure the rest of the team will too.  Besides, how else will we explain the great article about me when Tony saw the interview.”

“Did you tell them they’re having dinner with you and your wife?” I ask.  I have hung out with Bucky and Steve dozens of times.  He comes over for dinner at least twice a week and he was the best man at Steve’s second wedding.  Because Tony and Steve had been split apart, he really wanted Bucky at his wedding, even though he wasn’t fully recovered yet.  I think Steve would’ve put him in a straight jacket had it meant he could be there.  Bucky also wanted to be there more than anything, he was just terrified he would ruin Steve’s day.  So after telling Bucky, you had a small, second ceremony that Bucky was able to attend, along with Steve’s Wakandan friends. We may end up having a third ceremony that the team can finally attend.

“Nope.  I just told them team dinner on Thursday and they have to be there.  But for now, how about we head to the bedroom and get reacquainted?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows and biting his full lower lip.

“Yeah, you need to take care of your wife that you left alone for a week.  Otherwise you’ll get an article about your secret addition to glazed donuts and soap operas!”

Taglist: @imanuglywombat​

#Steve Rogers #steve x reader #captain america #the interview #fluff #Avengers #The Avengers #steve rogers x reader #steve x you #tony stark #Bucky Barnes

[fibula-rasa]

12 Christmas Films of a Century Past

For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to watch somewhere around 50 Christmas and Christmas-adjacent silent films from before 1920 to put together a playlist for you all. So, I hope you enjoy!

I chose these twelve as a representative selection. My general criteria were:

Christmas should be central to the story

The plot should be novel to a modern viewer or something a modern viewer would be surprised to see so early on film

The list on the whole should have a variety of settings and narrative structures

Here’s a direct link to the YouTube playlist if you want to watch them all in one go. (They are all shorter than feature length!)

Two quick presentation notes: 1. Some of the videos have music and some don’t, so you may want to check your volume level. 2. The intertitles for some of these films are not in English, so be sure you have captions turned on for English translations.

See the whole list BELOW THE JUMP!

1. Santa Claus (1898) (UK)

Directed by George Albert Smith

Short and sweet, this film sees children put to bed by their nanny on Christmas Eve and Santa Claus coming down the chimbley to fill their dutifully hung stockings. Director G.A. Smith used his own patented technique of double exposure to show Santa’s arrival without cutting away from the children’s room. Santa Claus might not pack the punch of a Méliès trick film, but it’s a fun novelty and is purportedly the first appearance of Santa Claus on film.

2. The Little Match Seller (1902) (UK)

Directed by James Williamson

This one’s quick but effective adaptation of the Hans Christian Anderson tragedy featuring impressively well-coordinated superimpositions.

3. The Christmas Angel (1904) (FR)

Directed by George Méliès for Star Film Company

The Christmas Angel follows an impoverished girl driven into the city to beg on a snowy winter night. First she’s chased away from a church by more seasoned beggars; then she’s thrown out of a poultry seller and harassed by police. On the verge of falling asleep in the snow, a rag-and-bone man rouses her and offers her help. Later, the girl passes out beside a road but is luckily spotted by a wealthy couple on a car ride. When they learn of her plight, they bring her home along with food and gifts.

Though not as fantastical as some of Méliès’ more famous works, The Christmas Angel is still highly stylized (and stylish) and features special effects that photograph beautifully. It’s also worth noting that the version of the film included here is the American cut. The original French cut, titled Détresse et Charité (Distress and Charity), did not include the sequence with the wealthy couple and instead ends with the girl dying in the snow.

4. The Night Before Christmas (1905) (US)

Directed by Edwin S. Porter for Edison Manufacturing Company

This is the first time the poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas” was put on film. Loosely following the poem, we see Santa Claus prepare for his yearly trek while a middle-class family prepares for his visit. When Santa heads out, we are treated to an extended panning sequence with a fully painted backdrop for a mini Santa and his reindeer to glide across. When Santa arrives at the family home, he chaotically dumps presents and decorations around their living room and makes a large, decorated tree appear out of thin air. (Across many of the movies I watched to put this post together, this seems to be a favored scenario for the jolly fat man around this time–and it’s delightful.) The family then wakes to find their gifts and the film closes with Santa directly wishing us a Merry Christmas.

5. A Little Girl Who Did Not Believe in Santa Claus (1907) (US)

Directed by J. Searle Dawley and Edwin S. Porter for Edison Manufacturing Company

Even at the risk of this list being too Edison heavy, I couldn’t leave this great short out. While walking with his mother, a rich little boy encounters a poor little girl alone in the cold. They take her home to play and warm up. When the boy learns that the girl doesn’t believe in Santa because apparently Santa doesn’t visit poor children, he hatches a scheme. On Christmas Eve, the boy has a stake out near the fireplace and takes Santa hostage, tying him up and holding him at gunpoint. The boy then forces Santa to visit the girl–going so far as shimmying down the chimney himself to let Santa in the front door. When the girl wakes up to a beautifully decorated tree, new toys, and a full stocking, she can finally believe in Santa Claus. While I’m generally not so into stories about supposedly benevolent rich people, I do love the implications this story has on how Santa Claus works and I also find the means with which the boy gets his way hilarious.

6. Il Natale di Cretinetti / Foolshead’s Christmas (1909) (IT)

and Come fu che l’ingordigia rovino il Natale di Cretinetti / How Greediness Spoilt Foolshead’s Christmas (1910)

and Il Natale di Cretinetti (1911)

Directed by Andre Deed for Itala Film

This entry is a three-for, which I hope you’ll excuse, but I couldn’t decide which Cretinetti Christmas to share! Cretinetti, the comedic persona of filmmaker Andre Deed, is an absolute agent of chaos.

In the 1909 film, Cretinetti attempts to bring a tree home for a Christmas party. The destruction escalates wildly, culminating in an entire building falling to pieces.

If you can believe it, the stakes are even higher in the 1910 film, when Cretinetti can’t resist sneaking out of bed on Christmas Eve to snack on the candy decorating the tree. When Santa sees what Cretinetti has done, he chides him and takes him back to his workshop, which is apparently in heaven. Destruction ensues. Cretinetti then proceeds to cause havoc for Saint Peter, annoying god so much that he calls the devil to come get Cretinetti. Cretinetti is then chased to hell where demons try to cook him alive. Thankfully, spoiler alert, it was all a bad dream and he wakes up on Christmas morning with a terrible stomach ache.

The 1911 film returns to localized chaos. Cretinetti has a run-in with a mail carrier and his Christmas packages get mixed up with one of the carrier’s parcels. The parcel contains three bottles of ether which then begin to emit gasses in the middle of the family Christmas party.

I wasn’t familiar with Cretinetti before reviewing films for this list, but I’m definitely going to seek out more of Deed’s movies. Each of these films had well-executed chaotic slapstick; over-the-top in all the right ways.

7. Making Christmas Crackers (1910) (UK)

Produced by Cricks & Martin Films for Clarke, Nickolls, & Coombs Confectionery

To start, if you’re not sure what a Christmas cracker is, it’s a colorfully decorated paper tube that makes a cracking noise as you pull it open. Inside the tube is a paper hat, a joke, and/or a small toy. It’s a traditional part of UK Christmas celebrations.

This short starts as a documentary of the workers at Clarke, Nickolls, & Coombs constructing the crackers. It’s a fun thought that as early as 1910, people were interested in watching how mass-produced consumer goods were made. It’s also fun to see these skilled workers ply their trade so deftly (even though I’m sure wages and working conditions were less than ideal). The film ends with a family celebrating around a Christmas tree topped with a functional giant cracker.

8. A Christmas Carol (1910) (US)

Directed by J. Searle Dawley for Edison Films Manufacturing Company

There are so so so many film adaptations of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol made before 1920 that it was hard to choose which one to include on this list. In the end I chose this 1910 version for its economy of storytelling, fluid use of special effects, and for Marc McDermott’s great performance as Scrooge.

9. Broncho Billy’s Christmas Dinner (1911) (US)

Directed by Gilbert M. Anderson (Broncho Billy) for The Essanay Film Manufacturing Company

Gilbert M. Anderson was an incredibly prolific and popular filmmaker and star of early American film, particularly in his role as Broncho Billy. As was typical for Anderson, he’s pulling triple duty on Broncho Billy’s Christmas Dinner as the star, director, and producer. The film features a simple and heartwarming story.

On Christmas, Billy comes across a young woman in peril as her horses got startled and are now pulling her cart along wildly. Billy manages to wrangle the horses and in gratitude she invites him to Christmas dinner at her parents’ home. Unfortunately, her father happens to be the sheriff. But, all is well, as it turns out that Broncho Billy’s been given a pardon and the sheriff welcomes him to the table gladly.

The enduring appeal of outlaws or criminals getting into the Christmas spirit is fascinating to me and it’s cool to see such an early instance of the story!

10. Le Noel de la princesse / The Little Princess’s XMas Gift (1911) (FR)

Produced by Société Générale des Cinématographes Éclipse

In all honesty, this is the least Christmassy of all the films I included here, but its style and novelty stood out. The sets, costuming, and production design are lush. It might also be one of the weirdest Christmas stories I’ve even encountered.

After Lord Othberg passes away, the conniving Otto plans to assassinate the baby prince in order to inherit the lordship himself. He poisons the baby, but the princess prays for her baby brother to come back to life as her Christmas gift. An angel appears to her and they summon Jesus, who resurrects her baby brother. Of course, they then place the revivified baby in the castle’s nativity scene, to the joy of all but Otto.

11. Ida’s Christmas (1912) (US)

Directed by Van Dyke Brooke for Vitagraph Company of America

With a more classic Christmassy story, Ida’s Christmas tells us of a family who are facing hard times. Ida (played by a very small Dolores Costello) has her eyes on a pricey doll. Meanwhile, her mother seeks out employment with a wealthy family. The matriarch of the wealthy family overhears Ida’s wish and decides to buy the doll for her as a surprise. Later, Ida is distraught to find that the doll has been purchased but comes across a wallet that someone has dropped. She considers taking the money, but chases down the owner instead. The old man gives her some reward money for returning the wallet. Ida rushes to see if she can buy the doll, but has second thoughts when she thinks about how much her family could use the money. She arrives home with the money just in time for a Santa-esque old man to show up bearing packages and an assurance that the wealthy family has work for her father. The film ends with the family celebrating an unexpectedly Merry Christmas.

It’s a sweet story that hits so many beats of what we now consider traditional Christmas tales.

12. Rozhdestvo obitateley lesa / The Insect’s Christmas (1913) (RU)

Directed by Władysław Starewicz for Khanzhonkov

Fair warning, if you thought The Princess’s XMas Gift was odd, you might need to ready yourself for this one. Stop-motion virtuoso Władysław Starewicz (Ladislas Starevich) spins a tale about a tiny ornament of Santa/Ded Moroz coming to life on Christmas and going out into the wild to bring Christmas joy to creatures small and smaller, including a frog and a ladybug. Starewicz’s animation is as impeccable as ever and the short is imaginative and quirky.

#christmas #christmas movies #silents #silent film #silent era #silent comedy #1890s #1900s #1910s #Edison #george melies #edwin s porter #broncho billy #cretinetti #andre deed #Italian Film #French film #British film #early american film #american film #Russian film #władysław starewicz #stop-motion #animation #dolores costello #special effects #film history #essanay #vitagraph #star film

[knightmareaceblue]

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Slight tw: Henry has a panic attack this chapter. I'm not sure how bad it is, I've partially based it off of how I've felt during meltdowns, but it starts at the bolded section and ends at the picture.

General Galeforce’s expression remained stony and hard as he reviewed the video Henry gave to him. Mercifully he was watching with a pair of earbuds, so Henry was shrouded in silence as he waited, keeping himself amused with thoughts of what the suddenly serious Rupert Price, standing guard outside, would think if they hadn’t had headphones. When the video was over, the poor old man took a deep, calming breath, slowly removed the earbuds from his ears, then turned to ask Henry, “What in the fresh hell did I just watch, son?”

“That would be Mayor Hartford of Ebott City,” Henry answered with a false sense of casual calmness, “and a Miss Robin Peters, runner up in the Miss Florida competition two years ago, going at it like rabbits in a five-star hotel in New Mexico.”

The General quirked up an eyebrow, staring at Henry with a million questions painted on his face. “And would you care to tell me how you got a hold of this?”

“Uhh...” Henry bit his lip, thinking back to the fateful day he’d taken that video from the vents of that very posh hotel. “That depends. Does my pardon cover crimes you don’t know about?”

“...on second thought, never mind. I don’t think I want to know.”

With that Henry took his phone back, snatching it before the General got the bright idea to delete the video, or worse, search his phone for anything else incriminating. “The important thing,” He said, hoping to force the conversation away from this topic, “is that with this, I was able to convince the Mayor of Ebott City to meet with Frisk and the monsters tomorrow. He put up a fight, but the bastard won’t risk a scandal with re-election coming up soon.”

“You blackmailed him?” Asked the incredulous General, “Henry, what were you thinking? If anyone found out- you could get thrown back in prison for this!”

“I don’t care.” Henry spat back at the General. He then turned to pick up Charles, nestled safely inside his worn old knapsack, so that he wouldn’t have to look at the slightly hurt expression that crossed Galeforce’s face. “As long as Charles gets the help he needs, it doesn’t matter what happens to me.”

“Even so,” The General reached out his arm, as if to offer his comfort to Henry, but stopped himself, leaving his arm dangling awkwardly between them. The old man balled his hand into a fist and pulled it to his chest, letting it rest above one of the medals adorning his chest. “Charles wouldn’t be happy if he found out you got arrested for him. He’ll want to see you when he wakes up, so try and be careful, okay?”

Henry resisted the urge to snort at the attempt at comfort, and just nodded mutely. He pulled Charles onto his back and winced quietly as that caused a flare up of pain in his chest. Henry brushed off the ache, waved off the General’s concerned question with a, “Just sore from the crash,” and marched off into the camp, towards where the monsters were camping out. Behind him Henry could hear the General trailing closely behind with Rupert. He did his best to ignore them.

In spite of the anxiety that one of the monsters would notice Charles’ soul and freak out, Henry found himself enjoying walking through the monsters side of the camp. Half of the population had retired for the evening, but there were still plenty of the magical creatures up and about. There was this cozy openness to each of them, and if it weren’t for the General and his guard walking behind him or the wayward soul in his knapsack, Henry might have stopped to talk to some of them. Like those skeletons, for example.

“SERIOUSLY? HOW IS THIS SOCK STILL ON THE FLOOR? I KNOW I PACKED IT AWAY!”

“no clue, bro, but you really gotta sock it to the little thing.”

“GAH!”

They seemed like a riot.

The medical tent that was their destination was situated on the far side of the camp. It was the largest of the monster’s tents, despite only two monsters residing inside. And once they entered the structure, it was plain to see why; two rows of cots took up the majority of the free space in the tent, and what little was left was filled with sleek, complicated machinery. The Doctor Henry had been introduced to earlier that evening was fiddling with one of the machines, a clear glass capsule capped on both ends with dark metal. Looming ominously over her was her girlfriend, a blue woman Henry could only describe as an anthropomorphic shark lady. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed the three men enter the tent, and she flashed them a grin that was more meant to show off her razor-sharp teeth than her joyous emotions. And besides her, sitting comfortably in an oversized chair and legs swinging in harmony with their humming, was the young Ambassador Frisk.

Nobody said anything until the Doctor peeked up, maybe to ask her girlfriend for something, and shrieked as she spotted the three strangers darkening her doorway. “Oh my gosh! I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t even hear you come in!” The frantic woman immediately pushed herself up, scuttling towards them with obvious anxiety, “I-I assumed you would be taking a while.”

“I told you I’d be right back.” Henry responded, feeling the corners of his mouth perk up in an involuntary smile.

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be right back!” The doctor retorted. The gentle hand of her shark girlfriend brought her back to reality. “But- uh, right, that’s not important. Bring the soul over here and place it in the container. This device will stimulate DT production in the soul until we can figure out how to wake it up.”

With a simple nod, Henry swung Charles off his back and, looking around to make sure nobody else would barge in, deposited the glowing green soul into the device. It clicked as it locked Charles in and began to hum gently, the machinery causing the slowly fading glow around Charles to spark anew, causing each human in the room to squint against the onset of brilliant light.

“So ‘at’s ‘im then?” Asked Rupert Price, clutching his familiar rifle tightly, “’at’s Charles?”

“Yup.” Henry answered absently, leaning next to the container to look closer at Charles. His condition was already better; the tiny green core seemed to sparkle with the additional DETERMINATION.

The Doctor checked something on the machine, then nodded her satisfaction. “Good. Everything’s functioning normally... now I’m going to run a full analysis on him.”

“’ow can you tell?” The guard asked, moving to stand next to Henry. His eyes squinted as he examined the soul as closely as he dared, looking for some clue, some sort of sign that this was really their fallen friend.

Until that moment General Galeforce had hung back, observing with calculating interest. Now he spoke up, “You can’t tell? When I look at him, I can... just feel that it’s Charles. It’s difficult to explain... I just know.”

“Just know, huh?” Rupert peered closer. Henry could tell the gears in his head were spinning. “I feel... warm and fluffy when I look at ‘im, but, like, in the same way ya feel when ya look at a cute puppy, ya know?”

“That’s the KINDNESS,” Henry murmured, then continued a little louder when he realized the others were staring at him. “It might be because you’re not as close with Charles. Because Galeforce spent a lot of time with Charles before... today, he’s more familiar with his presence.”

“And you?” Rupert looked up at Henry with a raised brow.

“I was already familiar with magic before today,” Henry waved off. Like hell was he going to tell these government stooges about the SAVES. “Just knowing about magic makes it easier for you to understand- don’t touch that!” While he was talking, Henry had failed to notice Frisk crawling up to the container until their grubby little mitts were already smudging the glass.

Henry had not known Frisk for long, but he’d already decided that he couldn’t trust the child. It was hard to put a ‘why’ into concrete reasons; perhaps it was the way they’d quietly stare with those big red eyes of theirs, no indication of emotion on their face; or perhaps it was the bizarrely pungent thrum of DETERMINATION that constantly radiated from their soul, so unnaturally strong that Henry could feel it from underneath their physical body the same way he could feel KINDNESS from Charles’ exposed soul. Regardless, having the creepy little child so close to Charles caused an unfamiliar surge of protective fury in Henry – the kind that was definitely not appropriate to direct at a child.

So instead of smacking their hands away from his best friend and screaming himself hoarse, Henry gently pushed their greasy little mitts away.

“It’s alright!” The Doctor reassured them from behind her console. “Frisk isn’t strong enough to break that glass, and you need clearance to make the machines do literally anything. Nobody but myself or the King could get into the capsules.”

Henry was satisfied by that, but now it was Rupert’s turn to cast suspicion, “We sure it’s a good idea to leave Charles with these... monsters?” He asked with a scowl.

“HEY!” The shark woman shouted quite suddenly, causing three of the humans (not Frisk, Henry noted) to flinch at the surprisingly loud noise. “What’s THAT supposed to mean?! You think Alphys is just gonna run off with the soul?!”

“I’m just sayin’-” Henry was about to interject, but the argument Rupert was about to stupidly start was finished before it began by Doctor Alphys’ machine dinging, followed by her excited cheer.

Another machine made continuous noise, spitting out a piece of paper that Doctor Alphys snatched up with a satisfying ripping noise. She took a moment to adjust her glasses. “Alright, let’s see what we’ve got here...”

Everyone, even Rupert, huddled around Alphys to look at the chart she’d just printed out. Seven coloured lines were scribbled across the paper, the hues suggesting that they were measuring the seven traits within a human soul. The characters along each side of the graph made zero sense to Henry, so he couldn’t quite understand what it was telling them, but he suspected Rupert and Galeforce understood it even less.

“This is fascinating!” Doctor Alphys spoke, more directed at herself than any of them. “According to this chart, Charles’ highest trait is KINDNESS – no surprise – but he also has a bizarrely high level of DETERMINATION. Way more than he should have after being dead for a few days...” The Doctor scratched her chin, “Actually, with how long he’s been dead, he should have already faded. I’m amazed he’s held on for this long.”

The faint memory of extracting DETERMINATION from his own soul caused another ache to echo through his chest. Henry swallowed past it and said, “Charles is VERY determined. I’m not surprised.”

Everyone accepted the passing comment without hassle except for, of course, Frisk. The child’s eyes squinted up at Henry, scrutinizing his every move. A familiar anxiety crept into Henry’s chest, attempting to steal his breath, but he refused to let this child scare him away.

“Okay, now that we’ve got a, uh, a baseline scan for where Charles is at while sleeping, I’m going to run some simple tests to see how he reacts to magic.” Alphys told them.

General Galeforce hovered over her shoulder. He was trying to remain the cool, business-like General, but there was palpable tension in his stance. The old man asked, “And you’re sure these tests are safe? They won’t hurt him?”

“Uh, don’t worry, it’ll all be healing magic I’m exposing him to,” reassured the Doctor patiently, “If it makes you feel better, I can use the magic on you before I use it on Charles. It might take a little longer, but...”

This compromise seemed to pacify the General. “Very well. Let’s get started.”

General Galeforce, Rupert, Doctor Alphys and the shark woman all crowded around the container which held Charles’ soul. Henry moved to join them, but stopped when he noticed Frisk take the opportunity to slip out of the tent.

Now where were they going...?

Henry followed behind the child, years of sneaking around allowing him to move as silently as a mouse. Once outside the tent, Frisk quickly ran around the far side of the tent, and as Henry slowly followed he could hear them talking; at first, incoherent mumbling, then as Henry drew closer he could begin to make out the words.

“...shouldn’t talk about him like that!” Frisk’s hushed voice scolded... somebody. “He’s just worried about his friend, he’s not any danger to us!” A moment of silence followed, then Frisk continued, “Oh, like you wouldn’t have been exact same way with Asr- no, it isn’t different!”

Henry paused, took deep breaths until the tension in his chest was mostly dissolved, and slowly moved around the corner. Nobody was standing beside Frisk. They were alone.

Frisk kept talking. “He’s been kinder to the monsters than any other human we’ve met. So long as he doesn’t try anything, there’s no reason to be mean to- Henry!”

At that precise moment, Frisk had turned around and was now looking them directly in the eye. As the seconds passed, Henry felt a new knot in his stomach, one that grew tighter and tighter. He should say something, anything, to relieve that tension, but something snatched the words out of his mouth before they could be spoken aloud.

Eventually, Frisk broke the silence, “What are you doing out here?” Shortly after asking, their face curled up in annoyance. They said nothing, but Henry wondered if they were silently accusing him of something.

It was difficult, but Henry managed to force out the words in his head. “I... saw you leave and got worried.” Which was true enough, “Who were you talking to?”

“Uhh...” Frisk stared up at him, the low tone of that unprepared hum filling the silence between them, “My... self?”

Henry quirked an eyebrow at them, but didn’t argue.

“Anyways, you’re a magic-user too, right?” Frisk asked them suddenly. “Like, you can RESET and stuff?”

It was impossible to hide the truth from someone who knew about souls and magic, so Henry reluctantly nodded, taking a seat next to the kid. Their eyes watched him cautiously, trailing down to follow his hands as he signed along with his words. “Yeah, I know how to use time magic.”

“That’s so neat!” Frisk plopped down right in front of him, looking up with those big, red eyes. For maybe the first time since they’d met, they were smiling. “How often do you RESET? Has anyone ever noticed your LOADS? How often do you SAVE? Have you ever met anyone else who can RESET?”

Frisk threw all sorts of questions at Henry, inching closer and closer with each inquiry, and Henry had to hold out his hands and put a physical barrier between himself and the creepy little kid. “Hey, hey, personal space!” He scolded, struggling to push his voice past an invisible barrier of his throat. Once Frisk moved back, the barrier vanished. “Look, kid, if I share, you share too,” He decided. Any information he could get on this unnaturally determined little creep would be useful.

Frisk hummed, exaggeratedly stroking their little chin before nodding, “Alright. So, when I fell down into the Underground, I got knocked out for a bit when I hit the ground.” Henry couldn’t help but wince in sympathy, remembering all the times he’d face-planted from high places. Sometimes the damage had been so bad he’d had to LOAD. “While unconscious... I had this dream... and when I woke up, I knew how to SAVE and LOAD and RESET.”

“A dream?” Henry asked skeptically.

“Yeah. I don’t really remember it...” Frisk’s expression hardly changed as they talked, so it was hard to tell from that if they were lying, but something inside Henry told him that wasn’t quite right. Call him paranoid, he guessed. “But it was like... anytime I saw something that made me want to keep moving, I could go back to that moment whenever I wanted. Unless I saw something else that made me feel DETERMINED. Then it would just... override.”

“Uh-huh,” Henry confirmed, “The same thing happened to me once. I snuck into a place for... reasons,” Reasons being premeditated robbery, but Frisk didn’t need to know that, “and got so excited about succeeding that I accidentally SAVED over my previous file, so when I got caught, I couldn’t go back any further than the moment I got caught. It was awful at the time, but I think it worked out for the best,” Henry’s fingers rested on the badge that was decorating his lapel, another gift from Charles. The pilot actually had a matching one, once upon a time, but that was gone along with Charles’ mortal body. “It encouraged me to experiment more with my magic, and it was because I got caught that I met my best friend. Yeah,” Henry sighed, relaxing at just the memory, “I don’t think I’d change anything about that day if I could go back that far.”

“Huh?” Frisk tilted their head at him. “”Couldn’t you RESET? That takes you all the way back to the beginning, right?”

“A RESET is a master-level magical technique that sends you all the way back to your first SAVE.” Henry answered. He cursed himself for letting that bit of personal information slip, but kept his answers honest. The nerves caused his hands to stiffen as he signed. “I’ve never been able to pull it off, though I’ve only tried once or twice.”

“...” Frisk looked down at the ground, contemplating. It occurred to Henry that the reason they asked was probably because THEY could reset, which, with their bizarre levels of DETERMINATION, didn’t particularly surprise him. It was part of what unsettled him about them, Henry realized. With that much DETERMINATION, Frisk could probably send them all back as far as they wanted, and not even he would know about it. The thought made Henry vastly uncomfortable; now he definitely didn’t want them anywhere near Charles. Eventually Frisk looked back up at him, “You still haven’t told me how you learned about SAVES.”

You didn’t either, Henry almost said. Instead of blurting that out, Henry decided to tell them the truth, harmless as it was. “I made my first SAVE by accident,” He confessed.

Indeed, little baby Henry, who could not have been much older than Frisk, had been walking home from school after a particularly rough day. He hadn’t had any friends, and home had been just as lonely and twice as scary, when he’d seen a cat with her kittens. He’d watched them quietly for a moment, keeping a safe distance from the wild animals, and had ended up leaving half of his uneaten lunch at the end of the alleyway. He’d been halfway down the street when he looked back and saw the mother cat carrying the sandwich back to her babies, stopping for a moment and nodding at the child before scuttling off. Knowing he’d made a difference for that one animal had filled Henry with DETERMINATION. A light had flashed before him then. Henry hadn’t realized what it was until the next day, when he’d been pushed into the road by a bully and got hit by a truck. As he’d lied there dying, something yellow flashed in the corner of his eye, and Henry reached out for it, using all his strength to push through the pain and grasp the yellow light that simply said LOAD, and suddenly he was staring at that cat again.

A mythology book he’d checked out at the library explained the basics to Henry – namely souls and monsters, and their relationship to magic – but it took quite a bit of trial and error for Henry to truly understand how his powers worked.

Of course, Henry didn’t want to divulge all this information to Frisk, so he instead simply said, “I saw something that made me feel DETERMINED and figured the rest out from there.”

“That couldn’t have been fun.” Frisk mumbled under their breath.

“It wasn’t.” Henry confirmed. Another moment of silence fell over them. “Do you have a plan for tomorrow’s meeting?” He asked finally.

That caught Frisk off guard. They looked down at their feet. “No,” They confessed. “But I can SAVE, so I’ll be fine. That meeting’s not going to end until we’re free.”

Oh, god. Tomorrow’s going to be... interesting.

“Even if they’re all in your favour,” Henry warned, expectations properly tempered by years and years of political failures and disappointments, “You shouldn’t expect miracles. The best result may just be you guys getting moved and insulated in the city instead of in this camp.”

“I REFUSE to accept that.” Frisk looked over at him, their beady eyes narrowed. “I won’t rest until the monsters get what they deserve.”

“Hey,” Henry held up his hands in surrender. “I get you. I’m just warning you that you may have to compromise a little now to get a better result further down-”

“NO.” While not loud, the word was spoken in a strong, serious tone, one that caused Henry to jump reflexively. Frisk was looking up, and strong DETERMINATION, stronger than even before, was boring into Henry, bringing his earlier unease back full force. “I won’t REST until the monsters are given what they deserve.” Frisk suddenly turned to look back at Henry, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up at the look in their eyes. “And I won’t let anyone get in my way.”

With that, Frisk seemed to consider the conversation over, because they picked themselves up and went to walk back inside. “C’mon, let’s get back inside before Undyne comes looking for us. Trust me, she can be relentless.”

Henry waited for a moment for the pit in his stomach to settle before picking himself up, barely managing to keep from falling back down because of how tired he was.

If he hadn’t trusted Frisk before, he sure as hell wasn’t about to now.

--------------------

“Oh, there you two are!” Doctor Alphys greeted as they reentered the tent. “Where did you go?”

Henry shrugged noncommittally, following a reasonable distance behind Frisk. “We got bored, so we stepped outside to talk,” He answered, which was true enough.

The Doctor nodded, then turned back to her experiment. “Okay, we’re going to try this one more time. It’ll be the same spell as last time. Do you still want me to perform it on you first, General?”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” General Galeforce had taken a seat on one of the beds, very calmly watching the Doctor work her literal magic. Whatever anxiety he’d had about the procedure seemed to have dissipated in the time they’d been gone. “Go on ahead.”

With a nod, Doctor Alphys extended her claw out towards Charles. A faint green glow came from her palm, growing stronger and stronger until her hand was almost as bright as Charles. Henry stood next to where the General was sitting, watching with baited breath, while Frisk sat near the shark woman (Undyne? Maybe?) and held her hand as they watched the experiment. After a second of charging, the magic flowed from Doctor Alphys’ open palm and towards the container, passing smoothly through the glass and into Charles. As it flowed, the printer began spitting out another graph, the soft buzz of the healing magic drowned out by the loud screeching of the printer. Seconds passed, then a minute, then Alphys’ magic sputtered and died. The little dinosaur woman shook a little from the exertion, but stumbled over the printer and snatched up the results.

“Okay, let’s see what we’ve got this time...” She mumbled under his breath. Her eyes scanned over the paper, then sighed, “It’s no use. My magic isn’t even making a dent.”

“Maybe I could try this time?” Suggested Undyne.

Already Doctor Alphys was shaking her head. “No, that won’t help. A monster soul just can’t generate the level of power a Sleeping Soul needs to wake up – at least, not by themselves.”

“What about mom or Asgore?” Frisk asked.

“They’re certainly stronger,” Agreed the Doctor, though bringing them up made her squirm uncomfortably, “but I’m not sure even they’d be strong enough. At least not unless-” She suddenly stopped herself, going stiff.

The humans waited, but Doctor Alphys and Undyne only exchanged an awkward glance, neither willing to finish spilling the beans. General Galeforce prompted, “Unless...?”

Neither monster was willing to answer the unintentionally difficult question. It was Frisk, in the end, who naively asked, “Unless they absorb a human soul, right?”

“Unless they what?” Rupert asked with a scowl.

Having already dug the hole, Doctor Alphys nervously adjusted her glasses and reluctantly sealed her fate. “Well, um, you see, what makes monsters so unique is that they have he power to absorb the souls of other creatures. It changes the nature of their magic, and makes them more powerful.”

“I read about that,” Henry recalled, “in this book I have. The author seemed to think that was the reason we went to war in the first place.”

“...” Doctor Alphys refused to look any of the humans in the eye. “They weren’t wrong.”

“Bloody ‘ell!” Rupert hopped up, clutching his gun a little tighter. “Is ‘AT what ‘appened to all those kids we lost? Ya killed ‘em and stole their souls?!”

Henry honestly hadn’t believed that to be the case, finding it more likely the kids died of injuries during the fall, but then Alphys nervously began twiddling her thumbs, staring at the ground guilty and oh god, it was true, the monsters had been killing kids and stealing their souls, what the fuck-

“WE DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE!” Undyne screeched, likely realizing it was undeniable. Her fist came down hard on a nearby table, cracking it in half and sending the equipment to the ground. While Doctor Alphys and Frisk scrambled to save the machinery, Undyne continued, “The Barrier could only be broken by a power equivalent to seven human souls! If there was any other way-”

“And ‘at justifies the murder of innocent little kids?” Rupert barked, pointing his weapon at Undyne.

General Galeforce immediately scolded him, “Mister Price, lower your weapon this instance! That’s an order!”

“They’re monsters!” Rupert barked back, disobeying his commanding officers orders to keep his gun trained on the shark woman, “Bloody evil child-killers! We should’ve wiped ‘em out when we found ‘em on the mountain!”

“Look, I know, it’s awful that those kids had to die!” Undyne screeched, “but you humans stole our future! We were just trying to survive! YOU ALL SENTENCED US TO A SLOW EXTINCTION BECAUSE YOU WERE SCARED!”

“U-Undyne...” Doctor Alphys tugged nervously at her girlfriend’s arm. She was brushed off.

Frisk jumped between them, arms outstretched. They pleaded, “No, we shouldn’t be fighting. This is all ancient history now!”

“Shut up, ankle-biter!” Rupert yelled at them. While he was still bitterly angry, he wasn’t far gone enough to point his weapon at a child, and adjusted it so a misfire wouldn’t accidentally hit Frisk. “Tell me, kid, ‘ow many times did these monsters,” He spoke that word like it was poison in his mouth, “try and kill you?”

Frisk didn’t flinch in the face of his venomous nerves, but they didn’t answer his question either. “They’ve changed,” The child told him firmly, “They struggled and they grew and they changed, and you need to as well.”

“The Ambassador,” Galeforce interjected smoothly, his tone letting Henry know that this was definitely a rank pull on the General’s part, “is absolutely correct. What happened to those children is tragic, but I know you’ve also heard about the monsters who just fell over and died because there was no hope of a future for them. And I know you’ve heard of humans doing worse things than what the monsters have done.”

Rupert’s hands started shaking, and Henry tensed up. “That doesn’t excuse what they’ve done. Betcha’ killed the lot of ‘em yourself, fishbait.” He stared daggers at Undyne, who was only getting more and more riled up with each word. Then, he made the mistake of bringing the Doctor into it. “And I bet yer girl only agreed to ‘elp Charles so she can steal ‘im. Just watch, the second we’re gone ‘at dragon’s gonna snatch ‘em right outta that glass and take ‘im for ‘erself!”

The obvious hairline temper of the tall fish woman snapped like a twig beneath Rupert’s words, and Undyne screeched incoherently before firing a giant freakin’ spear directly at Rupert’s head. Frisk dove out of the way, as did Rupert and the General. Alphys shrieked. Then a terrible, horrible shattering sound cut through the fighting, one that made every fiber of Henry’s being grind to a slow, terrible halt. Somebody gasped. Time froze around them as he slowly drew his gaze over to where the capsule where Charles had been.

It had been knocked off the table, out of sight. Henry’s breath caught in his throat, and he could only think no, no, no again and again and again. His body moved on its own, sliding over the top of the table and landing on top of the broken glass without even flinching. Charles was there, hovering slightly above the cold ground, and Henry snatched him up and held him close. His hands shook with the excess adrenaline.

How. Dare. They.

“WHAT THE FUCK,” Henry was vaguely aware of the Doctor covering Frisk’s ears, though he was hardly in a state to care, “IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

Rupert opened his mouth, likely to say something stupid and racist. Henry cut him off before he could spit it out.

“HOW DARE YOU PUT CHARLES IN DANGER! YOUR HANG UPS – BOTH YOUR HANG UPS – ARE SO FUCKING STUPID, THEY DON’T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE! YOU’RE BOTH FIGHTING A WAR THAT’S BEEN OVER FOR LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF YEARS!”

Apparently stupidity was not easily intimidated, because Rupert opened his dumb mouth again. “Hen-”

“DON’T TRY TO MAKE EXCUSES, YOU’RE JUST AS GUILTY!” Henry screeched. A tight knot had formed in his stomach, and was beginning to travel up his throat. All around him were stunned by the volume and emotion the normally stoic Stickmin was pouring into his words. “YOUR BULLSHIT IS PUTTING EVERYONE AT RISK – FOR FUCK’S SAKE, YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HIM, HE’S ALREADY DIED ONCE, HASN’T HE SUFFERED ENOUGH-” As he spoke, the knot rose and rose and rose until it was suffocating, and quite suddenly words began to fail him. Each attempt to force his voice out only raised Henry’s already high levels of frustration and anxiety.

The voices around him grew louder and louder, and Henry couldn’t pick them apart anymore. Without much in terms of CHOICE, he held Charles close and fled into the night.

--------------------

Henry couldn’t tell how long he’d been running for, or how far he’d gone. He was still within the camp, but beyond that it was impossible to tell where they were. Without the energy to expend on getting any further, Henry all but collapsed behind one of the tents, taking short, shallow breaths. Henry’s entire body shook, and the ache in his chest had returned twicefold.

“Ch-” Henry tried to speak to the soul, but only managed to choke on his own goddamned voice. Tears were beginning to run down his cheeks – or had he been crying this whole time? – and Henry desperately wiped at his face with the hand not cradling his fallen friend. Once his eyes were mostly clear, Henry’s attention turned back to Charles.

Unhurt. Thankfully.

Henry leaned back, somewhat pacified by that knowledge, but still couldn’t stop the shaking of his limbs. That had been way too close for his liking. What if that spear had hit Charles? What if the glass had torn at the seams of his soul? What if Rupert had fired off his gun, and it ricocheted and hit the capsule Charles had been in? Sure, Henry could go back again, as many times as necessary, but he’d rather not have another memory of watching Charles die intruding on his daily thoughts.

(Burnt to ashes, torn to pieces, thrown from side to side, blood on the walls, chocking on the vacuum of space-)

Shuttering, Henry curled himself around Charles. Despite being somewhat afraid to earlier, he suddenly, desperately felt the need to touch him. Henry’s brought his shaking pointer finger to the surface of the green soul and gently, carefully, stroked a finger along the side.

The matter of Charles’ soul wasn’t physical, as one might expect of a magical construct based on the individual traits that made up a human. It wasn’t quite empty air, though, either. The construct of Charles’ soul held firm against his finger, but was also somehow soft to the touch, and sent jolts of gentle static up his spine, where they made his already cloudy head even muggier with hazy sensations that were mostly unfamiliar to him.

A sound rung in Henry’s ears, familiar but far off. A voice, he realized quite quickly, and after he understood that the voice became clearer at a much, much quicker rate.

“...need you to take a seat, son.” It was tough to make out just who the voice belonged to, but only one person Henry knew referred to anyone as ‘son’. It had to be the General.

“Of course, sir. What’s this about?” Henry took in a short gasp. There was no mistaking Charles’ voice. “Is this about Parker again? I haven’t even talked to him this week! I swear he’s just jealous I get the good assignments.”

“Charlie-” Interjected the General. There was something off about his voice, something gentler than the way he normally spoke. It reminded Henry quite uncomfortably of their encounter in the parking lot before he’d found Charles.

“No? Is it about the Toppat mission then? Oh! Are we taking Henry with us this time?” He sounded excited at the thought, and that put a tiny smile on Henry’s face. “You said you’d let him join us for a test run mission at some point!”

Huh. That was news to Henry.

“Charlie...” The General sighed, a long, tired sound that caused dread in Henry – dread, he’d begun to realize, that was not his own. “I’m afraid Henry won’t be joining us for any missions.”

“What?!” Anger, shock, confusion... these were what Charles was feeling. And a touch of betrayal. It wasn’t fair! Henry was already having trouble finding a job, and Charles had worked so hard convincing the General to give this a go! (He had?). Charles barked out, “That’s not fair! He’s worked so hard to prove that he’s changed, you can’t-”

“Charlie, son, I’m so sorry.” Henry felt a gentle, warm pressure on his hands, like someone was holding them. “Henry can’t join us because he’s dead.”

The warmth was suddenly gone. Galeforce could have pulled back, but Henry had a feeling it had been Charles who’d yanked them away. “What?!”

“I received the report this morning. The Wall had taken custody of Henry – despite his pardon, mind you,” The General’s voice sounded genuinely angry, which surprised Henry. He hadn’t thought much about the Government's reaction to his arrest. A part of him had actually wondered if he’d been double-crossed, though thankfully that appeared not to be the case, “and reported his death before I could even turn in the release papers. Apparently he’d ‘driven a car over a cliff in an escape attempt’.” It was clear from his tone that the General didn’t quite believe that story. Ironically, it was actually pretty close to the truth.

The emotions Charles was feeling at that moment were frantic – panicked and wild, instead of the grief Henry would’ve suspected. “We have to go find him, now!” Charles insisted. “The Wall’s in Canada, right? He’s going to freeze out there!”

“...Charlie, did you not hear me?” Asked Galeforce, incredulous.

“You don’t actually believe Henry’s dead, do you?” Charles was confident about that, not a shred of doubt in his mind. It was actually quite stunning. “He’s Henry. He’s not gonna go down that easy.”

Well, he goes down that easy quite often, but Charles hadn’t known that.

“If I get out there now, I might be able to track him down before the Wall does.” Henry couldn’t see the scene, but could feel how antsy Charles was, how eager he was to get up in the air. “I’ll be back before the Toppat raid, don’t worry-”

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to deny that request, son.” All of Charles’ emotions in that moment ground to a sudden halt, resulting in what Henry could only describe as an emotional WHAT. “I know you’re fond of Henry, but Mister Petrov runs one of the most brutal penitentiaries I’ve ever seen, and he’s nothing if not thorough. If he says Henry’s dead, then Henry-”

“Obviously outsmarted him.” There was frustration brewing in Charles, annoyance – but again, no doubt. “He’s Henry Stickmin. Some grumpy old man who thinks he’s in charge isn’t going to tell him what to do!” A brief pause. “No offense.”

Henry snorted out a laugh mixed with a sob. Oh, Charles. Never change.

“...even so, son, I need you focused on the Toppats right now. Once they’re taken care of, I’ll grant you leave to look for Henry.” Galeforce said solemnly. Henry had a feeling the General meant ‘Henry’s body’, but whatever.

Silence passed between them as Charles contemplated. He warred with himself, wondering what to do, whether it was worth deserting, if they would manage to stop the Toppats without him, if Henry could survive if he stayed... then, with a mumbled, “Sorry, Henry,” Charles responded, “Yes, sir. Once the Toppats are done with, I’ll be requesting leave immediately.”

“I’ll get the paperwork started for you.” The General told Charles gently.

There was a heartbeat of silence, then somebody else’s voice came through. A person Henry only recognized because of their accent. “Oi, Charles. I, uh, ‘eard about ‘enry. Sorry, man.”

“Yeah, it sucks.” Charles agreed. His emotions were flippant, noncommittal. He clearly didn’t want to be having this conversation. “But once we deal with the Toppats, I’ll take a detour out to Canada to bring him home. The General promised he’d start shit up for the Wall once things have calmed down here, so all I have to worry about is finding him.” Charles felt an anxiety that Henry was all too familiar with at that moment, and while it pained the ex-thief to think of Charles going through this pain, it was also... relieving, in a way? To know that Charles had cared about Henry as strongly as Henry cared about Charles. “I hope he’ll be okay. He was raised in New Mexico, so he’s probably having a hell of a time with that cold.”

Oh, Charles had no idea.

“Uh...” Rupert sounded just as uncomfortable talking to Charles about Henry as he had attempting to talk to Henry about Charles. “You, uh, you’re talkin’ ‘bout ‘im like ‘e’s still...”

“Because he IS still alive.” Charles almost sounded as annoyed as he felt. “Why is everyone so sure he got himself killed? He’s Henry!”

Rupert sighed deeply, “I understand wantin’ to believe e’s okay. You wouldn’t believe ‘ow many people ‘ave told me to give up on Dave. But what makes you so sure ‘e’s still alive? ‘ow do you know?”

Instead of the expected irritation, Charles was overcome with sympathy. He was much more empathetic than Henry, and through Charles’ soul Henry realized what Rupert was really asking for: a reason to believe that his own missing person, that prison guard whose screw up allowed Henry to walk free, was going to be alright.

“Because,” Charles told him, light and enthusiastic and truthful with every word, “He promised me. He said he’d stick around to be my friend, and I...”

“I trust him.”

Henry yanked his hand away from Charles’ soul like it was on fire.

Trust. Charles had spoken nothing but the truth, and he said he trusted Henry.

The shaking of his hands got worse. Henry lifted Charles up to look at that light, that bright light that was full of too much KINDNESS, too much hope, too much trust for a crooked bastard like Henry. He’d trusted Henry, and Henry had let him die. Again and again and again and again and it wouldn’t stop, the tears wouldn’t stop coming and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking and his lungs wouldn’t take in air and his throat wouldn’t push out the apologies that he NEEDED to give, that Charles DESERVED after how Henry had betrayed him, how could he, how could you, traitor, traitor, traitor-

“Henry....” The voice was so soft Henry almost couldn’t hear it over the sound of his own quickened breath. Without thought he flinched away from the voice, pulling Charles close so he could shield the precious thing with his worthless flesh.

Whoever it was that intruded on his moment approached slowly, with clearly audible footsteps. They kept a respectable distance before pausing and, presumably, taking a seat.

“Son, it’s me.” The voice said again and oh, it was the General, another person who had wrongfully believed in him. Another person whose expectations Henry had disappointed. “Henry, it’s okay... I’m going to sit right here, okay? Can you tell me what’s happening?”

Henry peered up from where he’d been huddling in on himself. The General’s face was gentle and kind, far kinder than Henry deserved. It was for Charles, likely- anybody with a brain knew Henry didn’t deserve that kind of kindness. He tried to give the man an apology for failing his son, for causing this whole mess in the first place, for just being a general burden, but all he could force out of his mouth were desperate gasps. With words continuing to fail him, all Henry could do was sign, over and over again, “SORRY. SORRY. SORRY. SORRY.”

It wasn’t clear if the General understood his shaking hands, but he definitely understood what Henry was trying to get across. He outstretched an arm, then paused it, and asked. “Henry. Is it okay if I touch you?”

At any other time Henry would’ve abhorred the thought of stealing comfort from anybody, especially Charles’ grieving dad who’d already given him way too many chances. But at the moment, suddenly all Henry wanted was the warmth of another human. Henry lurched forward towards the older man with a choked sob, wrapping the arm that wasn’t holding Charles around him. After a moment of stunned silence, Galeforce gently maneuvered Charles out of the way with one hand and held Henry tight with the other, letting Henry cry messily into his once clean uniform.

When there were no more tears left to shed in Henry, he hiccuped and looked up at Galeforce’s face. The old man smiled, gave Henry a reassuring squeeze, and asked, “Do you feel any better?”

He still didn’t feel up to talking quite yet, but Henry signed to the General, “YES. THANKS,” keeping his words simple, as past timelines told him that the General’s ASL was rusty.

“It’s no trouble, son.” Galeforce reassured him. His words were much quieter than Henry was used to hearing from him.

They sat in silence for quite some time. As he calmed, Henry began noticing little things about the General’s behavior; how he was careful to make little noise, how he only touched Henry in places where Henry was touching him, how he made sure Charles was always visible to Henry, despite how awkwardly he had to bend to do so. The little thoughtful gestures made Henry smile despite himself.

Maybe... he’d been a little too cold to Galeforce.

In return for the kindness, when Henry found his voice again he decided to give Galeforce the full truth. It was the least he deserved.

“I’m sorry I let Charles die.” He whispered.

Galeforce shifted to look more directly at Henry. “Son, you didn’t-”

“I have the power to go back in time.” Henry confessed. Whatever words of reassurance Galeforce had for him vanished into the ether, so Henry continued. “Humans can do magic, like the monsters can. It doesn’t come as naturally to us as it does to them, but if you’re really lucky, you can figure it out by yourself. I figured out how to go back to certain points in time: points I chose.” Noticing his hand was shaking again, Henry paused for a brief moment to breath before pressing forward. “That’s how I knew what Charles’ soul was. I found some stuff on souls while learning about my magic.”

Henry peered up at Galeforce, attempting to get a read on him. When their eyes met, Galeforce nodded at Henry to continue.

So Henry did. “I can go back to two points in time right now: just before I got to the camp with Charles, and just before Charles and I met up at that bar in Canada. I could go back to that moment at any time. But... I’m so tired.” It was the first time Henry had admitted that to even himself, but it was truth. “I can’t even remember how many times I relived that day, over and over and over again.” Henry’s shaking hands found his hair and pulled, trying to ground himself in any way he could. “And nothing worked. I couldn’t talk him out of it, I couldn’t take his place-” He’d tried, but Charles was stronger and faster than Henry, and it had always ended up with Henry in that escape pod, “No matter what I tried he just. Kept. Dying. And I was so, so desperate for anything that would give me the upper hand.

“I wasn’t explicitly looking for Charles’ soul when I went to investigate the Toppat Station. I was just looking for anything that would give me an upper hand in the next timeline, and when I found Charles’ soul...” Another pause for Henry to breath. “I realized that maybe there was another way to save him. But... maybe it’s not possible. Maybe I should just go back again... I just want to save him so badly. I don’t think I’m strong enough to stop him if I go back again. I-I’m sorry-”

The apology was cut off by another hug from Galeforce, much firmer than the one he’d given earlier. With soft words, the General told him, “Oh, son, I’m so, so sorry you had to go through all that. I can’t imagine how awful that must be.”

If Henry had the energy, he might’ve started crying again. As it was, he sniffled weakly and leaned into the old man’s touch.

“You’ve done so much for Charlie. I can’t thank you enough.” Galeforce whispered. His coarse hands began stroking Henry’s hair, and Henry was reminded of shows he’d seen as a child where parents would hold their children and comfort them with words and touch – an idea so far divorced from Henry’s reality that he’d never even considered that someone would do that for him. “You’ve been running yourself ragged, son. Get some sleep. I’ll take care of Charlie until you’re feeling better, okay? You’re not as alone as you think you are.”

The idea of not being alone was still something of a novelty to the ex-convict, but Henry didn’t protest. With the comforting glow of KINDNESS from Charles and Galeforce’s warm hands brushing the stress out of his hair, Henry drifted into a peaceful slumber.

Mercifully, he had no dreams that night.

--------------------

You fools. You thought Dadforce merely referred to Galeforce and Charles. No. Galeforce is EVERYBODY'S DAD!

Anyways, sorry for the long wait between this and the last update. I got... distracted. By Cyberweek. Whoops. In spite of that, I think this is the best chapter so far. Tell me what you think.

Next Chapter is the Toppats again, and this one should be interesting...

#The Henry Stickmin Collection #THSC #Undertale #Crossover #Knightmare Writing #Valiant Souls #Henry Stickmin #General Galeforce #Rupert Price #Frisk #Undyne #Alphys #Charles Calvin #Dadforce #Panic Attack #tw: Panic Attack

[a-random-fandom-friend]

My Eurovision Semi-final ranking bc i can

Based mostly on vibes and if i could jam to the song. Enjoy !

1rst : Australia

This... was out of the 80's opening to Cat's Eye. It was bright and colourful and kitch and cool and the singer waved a trans flag and an aborigenal flag. Apparently is was written with a queer superhero teen team in mind. I loved it.

2nd : Russia

The singer also fights for minorities and there was a trans man with a binder on the screen during the chorus, and i vibed with the rap, it was fun and feel-good and mixed lots of aesthetic and it's a yes

3rd : Ukraine

Purely on the fact that is sounded and looked like a song that Antoine Daniel would have reviewed, and from listening to the What The Cut on loop i would have learned it and unironically enjoyed it. There were guys from tron counting seeds and a guy playing the flute in a tree and the singer was wearing a cropped green furcoat. I love it. Also i love to be able to say that i enjoy "ukrainian electropunk".

4rt : Croatia

It was basically 2009 Lady Gaga, i vibe with that. Also cool use of an angled mirror to make it feel like there were more dancer on stage than they were !

(disqualified but wound be here) Israel

Looked fun and afropunk, felt like israel should reaaaaally not have paricipated on anything out of decency. Like "oups we bombed people, but now let's forget politics and cheers :) ". No hate on the singer directly, tho, her hair was cool and she looked like she could have performed at the end of Marvel's black panther. The fact that they got in the final despite their political actions? Actually revolting.

5 : Sweden

Song was not a banger, nothing bad but nothing bop either, but the AESTHETIC ! HE GOT IT ! Like yes good that's eurovision. Also thanks from the demonfucker community

6 : Malte

I was oversold on it as the big winner, so i was kinda dissapointed like... yeah it's a cool song and it made me tap-tap the rythm, also i love the neon look, but i lacked the vibe. But i'll probably change my mind if i watch it back. Also i'm conflicted bc the use of french exclusively to say "je me casse" is very fun, but i feel like it was only used to add the like "pardon my french" so.. idk.

7 : Azerbaidjan

"Indian"-style songs are not my vibe but i like that they went all in in their vision. Also it's apparently about a cool woman ? Idk but i like the idea

8 : Sweden

Was cool, cool voice, nothing fancy but a solid bop. Also, very happy that sweden didnt send a white blond haired cliché ^^

9 : Croatia

I feel like she oversold it by saying "everyone will have it stuck in their brain", and also the fact that she is fan of Christina aguilera and yet write a song called Tick Tock which is closer to Ke$ha... idk, not sold on it. The strass swimming gear was alright, but nothing more. She gets point for being five on the strage, tho

10 : Romania

A ballad, and nothing fun or flashy. I feel like the singer and the dancers were acting out the music video or some kinds of methaphors but i didnt get them and it was frustrating and confusing. if i'm being honest they are in last place of this list, but i realised that they have the exact vibe of the music video from a song used for the promotion of a dystopian YA novel film's adaptation. Like, that's the exact vibe i got from it. So i got to imagine what that film looked like and i had fun.

11 : Belgium

Imagine Mylene Farmer but without the sluttyness and lowkey gay energy, and also she's not red head. No vibes from me :c her tambourine player and battery player were very cool, tho. For, like... ballad-players.

12 : North Macedonia

A guy singing a ballad, saved by the fact that at some point he opened his blazer and was wearing a discoball

13 : Ireland

A lady with Marilyn Monroe and 2000's Lorie's vibe. But she tried to re-create a clip on stage which probably looked good only for the camera and no for people in the room, and it didnt look good enough on camera for it to be worth it. and also it was a simple ballad, sorry.

(Disqualified) Lituania and the one after it

I arrived too late for those one but first seemed weird and second seemed like a b1llad so i dont feel the need to look them up

Also i saw a bit of the Italian ones and i was like "hey why are you dressed like gays in the 80's and then it showed a bit of their song and they looked like a punk bdsm demonic aesthetic so of course i was 100% sold. Of at the Germany one was fun with his embazzled ukulele and his lazytown-looking song, and the Netherland one gives me the same vibe (by the camp, mustache and exposed chest ) as a side character from Star Wars and i like it, it worked for me.

See you next week okay bye !

#eurovision #esc #eurovision song contest #eurovision 2021