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last-herondale · 18 days

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Almost

Bucky Barnes x FemReader!

Angst, heartbreak, longing, unrequited love

Hello! It’s been a while, but here is my Bucky fic that I promised from my poll!

The night air was cool and crisp against your skin. The wind was blowing slightly, not enough to be uncomfortable, but enough to cause stray pieces of your hair to swirl into the night as you leaned on the balcony of the Avenger’s tower. You could hear the music from the party inside, its rhythmic beat softly booming from within. It was Steve’s birthday party and it was a lively event that you, Nat, Sam, Bucky, and surprisingly Tony, had spent weeks planning. The guardians had flown in for the occasion, as well as Carol and Thor, who had Loki in tow with him. The night started off simple enough with a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was just Steve, Bucky, Nat, Sam, and yourself at dinner while Tony was busy finishing the party preparations with Bruce.

You had wondered if dinner would be awkward at all. It had been 10 months since Bucky and Nat had broken up, and it had been a strenuous ordeal for the whole team. Nat had broken it off with Bucky, for personal reasons she had told you in confidence. You knew they had had problems during their relationship, problems mostly stemming from their mutual inability to be there for each other emotionally. It was a tough reality to face, for both of them. You often felt like the bridge between the two of them, being the one that both parties were able to confide in. It was hard to be impartial to either side.

On one hand, Natasha was your best friend. She had been ever since you joined the team. She had been dating Bucky when you first joined the team, and your friendship only seemed to strengthen once they broke up. You loved Nat, and treasured her friendship more than anything in the world. You were very surprised when she told you that she started seeing Bruce Banner a few months ago. Even though Bruce seemed like the opposite of Bucky, in all accounts she seemed very happy with him. And you were happy that she was happy…

But on the other hand, there was Bucky. He had been devastated by the breakup. He had wanted nothing more than to drown away his sorrows in booze and fill his nights with endless distractions. You had been very surprised when he had called you one night, asking if you wanted to hang out with him and Steve. Nat had been out with Banner that night, and the tower felt lonelier than usual, so you agreed.

The three of you had spent the night drinking and playing darts. It had been a fun night of laughter and jokes. You were almost glad to see Bucky as he once was, happy and carefree, but as the night wore on, and Steve tapped out around 4 am, it was just the two of you left at the bar. The two of you just sat at the bar, sipping the last of your drinks when you asked him how he was doing.

His facade had slipped away, the smile he had forced all night was gone, and instead he put his head down and let out violent sobs of anguish. “I miss her, god, she was…everything.”

It broke your heart to see him so miserable. You never knew he was in such a poor state. It had been 7 months since they had broken up at that point, and as far as you or Nat knew, he hadn’t seemed like he was upset about it. Why he decided to be so open in front of you… you couldn’t understand. But you comforted him, as best as you could. You stayed with him all night, agreed to take a walk with him and let him vent to you until the sun came up. When he finally passed out on your couch at the avengers tower, he woke up hours later and left without a word.

You thought that was the end of it. That it was just one drunk night that had him so emotional, but then he called again. And again. And again. Hanging out with Bucky started to become a normal part of your routine. Half of the time it was always with Steve, the three of you hanging out. But then Bucky would want to hang out with just you. Mostly you both would talk, sometimes drink, sometimes watch a movie or even sing some karaoke once the liquor started to hit. It was…nice.

You had made sure it was okay with Nat, of course. Asking her if she was bothered by you hanging out with her ex, but Nat seemed undisturbed.

“It seems like he needs a friend, and I know I haven’t been around for you a lot lately either. I’m okay with this, really. Whatever it is— and whatever it becomes.”

Despite your many assurances that nothing was going to happen between you and Bucky, Nat just brushed it off and teased you further about it. She was in a really good place with Banner and she seemed genuinely thrilled with the idea of you and Bucky becoming an item.

The idea had crossed your mind a time or two. Mostly when you were very intoxicated and alone with Bucky. It was hard not to be drawn in by the beauty of him. You’ve caught yourself staring at his arms when he was throwing darts more times than you’d care to admit, and whenever he would throw his arm around you in a fit of laughter, you couldn’t help but feel your stomach flutter.

Getting to know him on a deeper level made the idea of not wanting him even harder to deny. He was still very much hung up on Nat, that was clear, but whenever he let himself be vulnerable and he talked about his past and the things that haunted him, you couldn’t help but feel connected to him in a way that you hadn’t felt with others. Everything about him seemed to be drawing you in. It was a maddening cycle trying to stop yourself from catching feelings, but it was one you fought for the longest time.

Until tonight. The party had been the biggest eye opener to you since you started being friends with Bucky. Dinner was not an awkward affair, much to your surprise. Nat and Bucky were cordial with each other at the dinner table, even sharing a few laughs as you sat between them.

“How have you been James?” Nat asked. Bucky gave her a small smile. “I’ve been alright. I heard about you and Banner, congrats by the way.” Banner had proposed to Nat a few weeks ago. To your surprise Bucky had taken it rather well.

“Thank you, we are very happy,” Nat beamed. She gave you a quick glance and smiled. “Have you seen anyone Buck?” You opened your mouth to protest to Nat, but Bucky just laughed.

“I have been talking to someone for a little while now.”

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. This was the first you had heard of this. You kept a steady grin on your face as he continued talking. You thought you saw Nat flash you a Quick Look, but it was so fast you could have thought you had imagined it.

“Well, that’s awesome. I’m happy for you Buck,” Natasha smiled.

“Yeah, we’ve only been on a few dates but so far it’s been going well.”

The rest of the dinner felt like a strange blur. You remember sitting there, you remember eating, and you remember getting into the car to head back to the tower where the surprise party was, but any other detail of the night faded away into nothing.

Why did it bother you so much? You had no right to lay claim to all of Bucky’s attention. The two of you were friends, and nothing more. You had set that boundary yourself, for yourself to stop yourself from getting hurt. But then again, you had never gotten as close to anyone as you had with Bucky. There had been people in the past, those you thought had the potential to hold your heart, but nothing ever worked out with them.

When the party returned to the tower, an uneasiness settled deep into your stomach as people began to arrive. You tried your best to distract yourself with trivial tasks such as handing out drinks, messing with decorations, or just following Sam around and letting him talk your ear off. But as the party grew, so did the uneasy feeling in your stomach.

Who was this girl? Would she be here tonight? Would you be able to handle it if she was?

As these thoughts were swirling around your head, you decided that maybe it was time to talk to Nat about your feelings. You searched around wildly for any sign of her or Banner but came up empty. You saw Bucky momentarily, he was talking with Steve and your eyes met for a single moment but you quickly looked away. You needed air.

So, that’s when you stepped out of the party and had been hiding ever since. You sent a text to Nat to meet you outside whenever she could. You stood there a bit, swirling the drink in your hand and enjoying the breeze on your flushed cheeks. You heard the sliding door open and you turned expecting to see Nat.

“I need to talk to— oh, hey,” you caught yourself and pitched your voice higher as Bucky closed the door behind him.

“Hey, doll,” He said, his usual playful tone was a bit strained, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you replied quickly, a bit too quickly, “I, uh, just needed some air.”

You moved a bit from your spot as he came to stand beside you. The smell of his cologne hit your nose as he sidled up next to you on the balcony, the leather of his jacket brushing against your arm momentarily. Your chest felt like it was contracting, being so close to him. As if the proximity alone was enough to unravel your whole being.

“How are you enjoying the party?” You choke out, refusing to look him in the eye, focusing instead on the city skyline below.

“It’s fine,” he began cautiously. It seemed, “It would be better if you would talk to me though.”

Your back stiffened at his words. You said nothing and yet he continued. “You’ve hardly said a word since dinner and we both know that isn’t normal. You didn’t even laugh when Sam made fun of Banner’s bowtie in the car.”

“Yes I did,” you said weakly.

“If you’re gonna lie to me, can you at least look me in the eyes?”

It was the brokenness in Bucky’s voice that made you turn to face him finally. His eyes were searching yours, trying to read every detail from your face. You bit your lip to keep it from trembling.

“Please, just tell me what’s wrong,” he begged quietly.

You opened your mouth, wanting to answer him, wanting to take away his discomfort at this moment, but the aching of your heart prevented words from coming out.

A choked out noise came from your lips just as the sliding door opened.

“—and I told him, I said—- oh hey!” Scott Lang said in a slur of words, having some unfamiliar guy in tow behind him.

“This are my buddies! Barnes and—“

“Leave Lang. Now.” Bucky said with icy venom.

You didn’t have to look to know that Bucky’s cold tone was enough to do the job as the door slammed shut again.

You wished you could follow Scott out of the situation, but you couldn’t. You took a deep breath, summoned your courage, and downed your drink in one fell swoop.

You shut your eyes right and clenched your jaw a moment as the liquor burned down your throat.

“I’m in love with you.”

The silence that followed there after was deafening. You opened your eyes and looked at Bucky. His expression was soft, his eyes a bit wide with the information, but there wasn’t any hint of anger or disgust.

“I…” he began, “I don’t deserve that.”

His eyes finally looked away from you, as if it was his turn to be embarrassed. His turn to feel ashamed.

“Look, you’ve been everything to me lately. You’ve put up with me when other people wouldn’t— when other people haven’t. You’ve cared for me, truly cared… and it’s lit a fire in my soul again. A fire I thought would forever be extinguished when Nat—- when we broke up.”

His eyes flickered towards you for a moment here and there. You held a steady gaze out towards the balcony, letting his words sink in as you felt your heart shudder at each word.

“I owe you more than I could ever pay back, and that’s why I know— I know I don’t deserve you.”

Suddenly your felt his bare fingers under your chin, his hand gently tilting you gaze to him. Tears fell down silently and touched his hand.

“Listen to me, okay, please,” he begged, his voice catching slightly, “I love you. Okay? I love you, I do. But you deserve more than me. You deserve someone whole, someone who has all the love you give them in turn equally back to you, and then some. I want what’s best for you, and I know deep down that I am not that.”

You did everything in your power to not turn into a whimpering mess, you held his gaze, ignoring the tears. You took a ragged breath and moved your chin enough for him to drop his hand.

“Tell me about her.”

Bucky sighed and put his hands in his pocket.

“She’s nice. Has her own issues, but she’s more like me. Broken like me.”

You nodded, wiping at your face in vain. The tears kept coming, even if you didn’t feel sad. Even though you were pissed.

“I’m happy for you,” you said as happily as possible. You took a step towards the door but he moved in front of you, gently placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Wait, please.”

You didn’t fight him. You met his gaze in defiance and you swore you could have seen a smile creep on his lips.

“There she is,” he murmured.

You couldn’t help but smile a bit at him. Even though a million emotions were running through your mind at the moment, the idea staying mad with him never stuck for long. Even now.

“I need you to know how much I care about you. I need you to understand that. If you hate me for it afterward then I can live with it,” you opened your mouth to tell him you could never hate him but he kept going as if to purposefully stop you.

“I would still be in a very dark place if it wasn’t for you. I value your life significantly more than mine. I would die for you, I would kill for you. You are everything to me and more and I am so honored to be loved by you. I treasure you, I adore you, but I am no good for you. Please understand that. You deserve so much more than I have to offer. And I would hate myself if I broke your heart. And I would. I already have. And I hate myself.”

Suprisingling the tears stopped. You looked at Bucky and studied his face. He was sincere. He was broken, that you already knew. He had more ghosts than anyone else could ever imagine, and past that haunted him daily. But he was Bucky. And he was kind and he was gentle, and he was fierce and loyal.

And you loved him.

That feeling would not easily go away, no matter how much Bucky might wish for it to. But you decided then that you would hold onto that feeling for now. Even though he warned you, had told you he did not want anything further. It would be harsh. It would be devastating. It would be soul crushing.

But it would be yours.

“I think I need some time.”

That was all you said further. His hands dropped from your shoulders and you walked back into the fray of the party. You could feel his eyes on you as you walked through the lobby. People were dancing and drinking and laughing and having a blast. You walked past them all, not paying them any mind. Nat found you, tried to talk to you but you just brushed her off as you found the elevator.

You held yourself straight. Composed. Even when the door to the elevator closed and you were alone. Even when you walked down your corridor and found your way into your dark apartment. It wasn’t until you changed from your party clothes into your sleepwear, curled up in your bed, alone in the dark, that you began to cry.

#reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #fan fic author #fic writing #james bucky barnes #marvel #bucky x reader #winter soldier #james bucky buchanan barnes #marvel bucky barnes #unrequited love #fem reader

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linkemon · 6 days

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You're in the wind, I'm in the water (Dan Heng x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you're interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

ᴅᴀɴ ꜰᴇɴɢ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴡᴀ��ᴇʀ, ᴅᴀɴ ʜᴇɴɢ ɪꜱ ᴡɪɴᴅ. ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴜꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴡɪɴᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜᴇꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴋᴇ ꜱᴜʀꜰᴀᴄᴇ, ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ɪᴛꜱ ᴏᴡɴ ʀᴇꜰʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ. ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴅᴀɴ ʜᴇɴɢ ᴡʜᴏ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴢᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴀʟᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ ʜᴇ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴊᴇᴄᴛ ʜɪꜱ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ɪɴᴄᴀʀɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ, ʜᴇ ʜᴀᴅ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜɪᴍ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡᴀꜱ [ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ].

ᴀᴅᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ:

ᴏɴᴇꜱʜᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛꜱ ɪɴ xɪᴀɴᴢʜᴏᴜ ʟᴜᴏꜰᴜ.

ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅʟʏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ɪɴ ᴇɴɢʟɪꜱʜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴꜱ. ɪ ᴛʀʏ ᴍʏ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀɴʏ ᴛɪᴘꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇᴅ.

Dan Heng felt as if the last few days had passed like a kaleidoscope. A colourful mirage of emotions he didn't want to feel. Events that took all his strength out of him. Memories that weren't his and yet they haunted him like the ghosts of the elders in the Scalegorge Waterscape.

Only now, sitting by one of the waterfalls, did he get the impression that he finally had a moment of peace, torn away by the clawed claws of an evil fate. The quiet sound of the water was nothing like the voices of the soldiers who had encountered the mara a few days ago.

It took him a long time to realize a simple fact — he chose a place where HE would come. A typical source of water from which he could draw strength. He smiled bitterly and turned his back. There was no point in running away from here. Even if the beauty surrounding him suddenly turned ugly, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste.

His stay in Xianzhou Luofu turned his life upside down. The past had long legs. He ran as hard as he could but in the end it was faster. It caught him in a place he didn't want to return to. He wished that the wind playing in the branches of the twisted trees would blow away all thoughts from his head. Especially the one he had doubts about.

[Reader]. She flooded his mind like a wave. He rejected his past. He drew a line between himself and Dan Feng. The title of Imbibitor Lunae was no longer his. He was sure Bailu would do just fine. She kept Luofu safe. He left all the residents in good hands. He told everyone his name was Dan Heng. Many still saw him as a previous incarnation. And even though it hurt like old wounds, he rejected their opinions. The express crew were his family and they didn't care about the sins of who he once was. Only their opinion mattered. At least that's what he thought.

Jing Yuan, although he wasn't like Blade, stuck to his previous name quite stubbornly. At least he was aware that the general was doing it out of habit, not out of pure hatred. Something he couldn't say about the old Yingxing. [Reader] was neither of them. She called him Dan Heng from the very beginning. Sometimes he wondered if they met after all of this, if she would still hold on to it. If she hadn't stood next to Sushang that day and met him first as an archivist, would she still have had reservations? Although he wasn't Dan Feng in her mouth, he was Dan Feng in her eyes. He had seen it in every conversation they had ever had since the truth came out and she managed to recognize him.

Her eyes traced the pointy ears and followed the emerald horns even when they weren't there. She involuntarily talked about the things that Dan Feng loved. She recalled the times when he was still next to her, becoming embarrassed rather quickly when she realized what she was doing. He would interrupt anyone else who was doing it. This double standard only existed with her and it was eating him from the inside.

Dan Heng bit his lip. He was like a gust that sometimes met the water. He rushed over the surface and saw his reflection but he was not a lake. What a strange feeling it was to be and not be loved at the same time. [Reader] loved his reflection. He could show it for a short while for her but no matter what he did, he couldn't become water because he was wind.

It wasn't that he wanted to become Dan Feng. He hated his previous incarnation. Who he was and what he did. His predecessor followed him step by step, reminding him of himself and not letting him be who he wanted. But why did [Reader] have to be in love with him? In that hidden part of himself that he never wanted to become.

This love was like a sea current. The swift current seemed to carry him away without any hope. And maybe because it resembled water, he wondered if it was his feelings, or maybe the remnants of the attachment of a former self that he had tried so hard to let go of. After all, they had known each other for such a short time, and he, as he deeply wanted to believe, was not a man who would give his feelings to anyone he came across. On the other hand, March immediately noticed that he was in love and said it was obvious. So maybe it was him after all?

Dan Heng from [Reader] didn't sound like Dan Feng. Even if it was hiding behind it. Maybe he could pretend to be like him? He turned back towards the waterfall and looked at his reflection. Ripples in the water obscured his vision.

He wouldn't. He didn't want to be him. Never. Even for her.

So maybe she could pretend? After all, he looked similar and had a fraction of his former power...

He shook his head. Not at this price. Neither of them would be happy.

At least he had memories. Even if they weren't his. Glimmers of light amidst the dark void of forgotten days. Sometimes they came back involuntarily. He hated the echo of Dan Feng's laughter, even though he felt like the joy was his own, but he loved [Reader's] laughter. Her silhouette looming somewhere under his eyelids. The same one that came back to him when they sat on the stairs after sunset after a hard day's work. The warmth of her lips, once so close, now within reach but at the same time eons away. How easy it was to lose himself in this old reality that was not his own. In that which interspersed his nightmares with sweet peace.

But these were stories of bygone days from several hundred years ago and he had to constantly remind himself that they did not belong to him.

The sound of familiar footsteps sounded on the path. The wind brought the sound of trampled leaves. He didn't need to turn around to know who was standing there. Of course she figured out where to look for him. This was the place HE would came to.

— Dan Feng.

This was the first time something like this had happened. Until now, she had always been careful not to use his pre-reincarnation name.

Maybe it was the sight of him surrounded by a familiar waterfall. Or one of the memories gnawed by the teeth of time, which now came to life in her eyes. He couldn't find it among the dark depths of his memory. If it existed, it belonged only to her. It was probably even better that way. This made "Dan Heng, not Dan Feng " easier to leave his mouth.

He wasn't ready for the regret that appeared on [Reader's] face. Nor for a tear that gathered in the corner of the eye, only to quickly disappear under a hard-blinking eyelid in confusion. However, he did not expect the feelings that spread around his heart even more. Jealousy, sadness and nostalgia of days gone by. He never found out if they really belonged to him. They were floating somewhere on the transparent surface of water, touched by the gust of wind.

#dan heng x reader #honkai star rail x reader #oneshot x reader #dan feng #vidyadhara #chemtrails over the country club #dan feng x reader #unrequited love #past lovers #lana del rey

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