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#Two choices: Wait until I'm homeless then end my life or end it now
sunrisedriven · 2 years
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3/30
The first quarter of the year had just ended. In two days, it'll be April. Cherry blossom season. Spring. Easter. You get it.
I've been needing this kind of check in/reflection in the past few months, but I never really got around it until now. It started out really well, and everything is going as planned so far with a few adjustments and changes here and there, but yes, everything is actually falling in place, slowly. I read a lot. I earned a 4.0 this quarter. I am scheduled for spring quarter. I will sign up for graduation this summer. I am slowly collecting all the certifications I need to be a better employee. I am planning on working part-time before nose-diving into a full 40-hour load, but it seems like school has to be in forefront for now and I am not exactly angry. I'm still working, technically, but it's not enough. How it suddenly isn't enough, I have no idea, but it isn't anymore and I have to figure something out.
Money is tight. In some ways, I am proud that I have taken steps to ease the burden in the family, but I'm also frustrated with how things are transpiring. I lost everything I ever saved up and while my limits have increased, owing money is something I will never be proud of. I think that a better strategy is long overdue. I noticed that a power struggle is bound to happen when it comes to money, who earns more, and who gets to be responsible (or careless). This is something I need to figure out now rather than later.
I think my mother is discouraged and she won't admit it. In many ways, I regret the choices I have made in the past, but if there's one thing I've learned from those experiences, it's that dwelling won't take me anywhere. She's given up. She is indeed human and humans have limits after all. I've been building a home out of past hurts, nailing myself against the flimsy walls as if I were some painting to behold, but what does it really accomplish? Six years later and we are still homeless. They still feel sorry for us, and my mom has to hear it over and over again. Being still was never the answer. Exactly what was I waiting for, I frankly have no idea. The light was green this whole time, but I was too busy looking out for the cars behind me.
I'm beginning to heal, actually heal. I didn't underestimate the situation this time around, I can't afford to, and I was able to put in the work to get myself through the ordeal. God-willing, I'll get through this one too. Distractions happen, but the power to steer, to shift, to recognize, to evaluate, to focus, I still have it. I learned that I can control the situation afterall. It's not something that could hold me hostage unless I let it. Of course, overcoming is not a one-person feat either. God is present.
So what's next? It's a great question, isn't it? Another bridge needs to be crossed. What could possibly be in store for someone like me? I could give up. I could just work on being prettier and find a man who can do the leg-work and solve everything because that's what seems to be working for everybody else in the family. No one is really happy, though. I wonder why. God has been teaching me something in the past few months now that I think about it. Did these people fail to trust in God's provision? Or were they on to something? They are living such great lives after all. At least, they aren't homeless. Maybe there is wisdom in such ploys and methods of survival, but I can't seem to accept it just yet. No, I refuse to accept it. Maybe I had to get lost to realize this. This leaves me with yet another question. What lies ahead for someone like me, then? Right now, it still feels like homelessness. What it really is, I don't know yet. God will make it known eventually, I have no doubt about it.
Maybe God is making a home out of me, but what can He possibly do and accomplish through an illegitimate like me? The things I want in life seem pretty common. Things I want to accomplish are already being accomplished by a lot of people. I guess it's not bad to have another person join in on doing the right thing, but I feel like something has to happen in the family somehow. Can it be salvaged? Or am I witnessing the inevitable consequence of sin? How does grace come in? I'm aware that this goes beyond my scope and understanding, but it is a genuine question and when God answers, I don't want to miss it, you know?
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0256 · 3 years
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I should stop trying to make things better. I should end my life today. I don't enjoy anything besides sleeping, and an hour of sleep isn't worth suffering every minute awake.
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ladywinterwitch · 3 years
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Run Away (Ten - Strangers)
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Avenger! Reader
Summary: You and Steve complete each other. Your love is that strong and devoted kind of love that pushes people to things like marriage, making a family. You couldn't imagine that a baby would be something you really wished, until the possibility wasn't your choice anymore.
Warnings: pregnancy talk, fluff, A N G S T, I think that's it??
Words Count: 3739
A/n: Next chapter is longer and INTENSE
Series masterlist , main masterlist
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(GIF not mine)
Y/n and Steve ended up falling asleep, which was a bit embarassing especially on his part. In the end tho they woke up around two in the afternoon and were starving. You also thought about the fact that Helen must've already set in by now. After cleaning up a bit and getting redressed the two actually went to separate directions, Steve to the gym because he had a bunch of new recruits to train by three sharp, while Y/n was heading to the kitchen.
-FRIDAY, would you call up ms Simon for me?- she found Tony, Vision and Thor in the common room so she quickly greeted them.
-Hey guys, taking a break?- she smiled when Thor got up to greet her properly. He was such a physical and affectionate person. He reminded her of a golden retriever; huge, with long hair and a heart of gold. Your smile widened when he bent down to press his ear to her belly.
-Well yes darling, do you forget that aside from kicking some ass every now and then we're basically jobless?- Tony joked. Both he and Vision were looking at you two.
-How is your pregnancy going, Y/n?- Vision asked in his posh and polite manner. She tilted her head to the side. Thor still touching the smooth and round surface. She didn't mind at all.
-It's going smoothly, thank you. Tho if I have to be honest I can't wait to at least give birth. I love my belly but it's so complicated to live with. I also miss actually moving around and exiting the tower. I don't think I've ever been so still and babyed in my life.-
-If it was an easy job, God wouldn't have gave it to women.- they all turn around when you hear an unfamiliar voice, which they soon found out to be Helen's. Thor stands straight in all his tallness and gets in front of her protectively.
-Who are you?- he asks suspiciously. She put a hand on his arm to calm him down.
-It's okay, Thor. This is Helen Simon, she's my new midwife. The one me and Steve hired this morning.- her head turns quickly to Tony then back to Helen. Tony stands up, fixing the invisible fold in his tracksuit pants and smugly walks to the older woman.
-Stark. Tony Stark. I actually hired you, but I'll let the happy couple have the glory.- he joked and you shook your head amused. They shook hands and then Vision introduced himself as well. Thor just acknowleged her with a nod. It's not like the God of Thunder had to introduce himself.
-Okay guys, see you later. I'm starving so.- you decided to cut it, but obviously Tony had to sneak in a joke. Had to.
-I'm sure cap worn you out.- Thor, which didn't know what timing was, bless his heart, decided to burst out laughing. You rolled your eyes not looking back.
-Jealousy doesn't match with your shoes Anthony.- you clapped back, still hearing Thor laugh and Tony calling him out.
A few feet down the corridor there was the kitchen, and when Y/n finally tought that her and Helen could have a minute alone, they found Wanda intently reading a book while she mover her finger around to spin the teaspoon in a mug. She looked up when they entered the room. Her finger stopped working and so did the spoon, the faint magenta colored aura disappearing.
-Hello?- she said, tentatively. Y/n ignored her cold stare and walked to the fridge taking out the leftover chicken and some salad to mix.
-She's Helen, the midwife me and Steve talked about.- there was a subtle warning in Y/n's voice. She thought 'Be nice' in her mind, and when Wanda sighed she knew she read her mind.
-Nice to meet you. If you'll excuse m- - Wanda was about to get up from the stool but the old woman's voice stopped her.
-You aren't eating that chicken cold are you? How old is it?- she walked closer, grabbing the plastic box from her hands. Both her and Wanda were a little taken aback by her bluntness, and shared a look.
-Uh..Yeah? I was actually going to put it in the salad. And it's..I'm not sure, a couple of days old? Still perfectly fresh and untouched.- she answered trying to reassure her, but she wasn't having it at all.
-This isn't eating healthy. If you want a healthy baby you need to eat properly. I'll take care of your meals from now on. - she stated, putting the box aside. - The non pregnant teammates can risk getting sick with that chicken. - Wanda's gaze darkened and her eyes took a light shade of red.
-What's that supposed to mean, old lady? - Y/n saw her fingers starting to move around with the corner of her eye and put her own hand on hers.
-Helen didn't mean anything, Wanda. She just meant that I have to be extra careful in comparison to the rest of you, ok? Don't you have to be somewhere right now?- she asked in the most calm way. The last hting she needed was Wanda yeeting Helen out of the tower on the first day. Wanda closed and picked up her book and mug, walking towards the exit of the kitchen.
-I mean, I'd like to go to the terrace to chill, but I can't.- Y/n frowned while sitting on a stool. Meanwhile Helen had already started to inspect their whole frige.
-I can feel Bucky and his girl going at it so yeah, I did not plan to watch a live performance.- she choked on water and the old lady turned around with a rather disgusted face. Wanda just shrugged and left them. The girl turned towards the older woman with an awkward smile.
-Welcome I guess.- the short fake laugh was over as soon as Helen sat in front of her, her hands conjoined in front of her.
-This isn't good.- the girl shifted uncomfortably, then uncosciously starting to rub her belly as a sign of comfort.
-What isn't?- the lady sighed. -First off, there are way too many people here. This place is chaotic, the people aren't giving you the peace that you need. This isn't a baby-space. At all. I just looked into your frigde and there isn't a single thing ready or 100% healthy probably except vegetables. Y/n if you want to be a good mother and be healthy for your baby you need to change a few things.- her words at first irritated her, setting off her protectiveness towards the people she called family, but then as she went on, she made her feel little. Like a little girl who wasn't good enough. She sighed silently.
-What would you have me do then?- she asked. Helen shrugged, still mantaining her perfect posture.
-I'm not gonna suggest you to buy a new place, because where you'll live after the baby is born is your business, but..- she paused, -I can offer you to come live at my place for these last two months or so. I have a nice, peaceful place a little outside New York. I already had eight of my patients do this, it's not so absurd.- she explained like it was the most normal thing in the world. Y/n was listening, but she wasn't convinced. She decided that she had to think about it first. She had to know for sure that she was professional and competent.
-I don't know, Helen. I'll admit that it isn't the most tranquil place to live, but...these people are my family. They have always been by my side, pregnant or not. And what about Steve? The father of my firstborn?- she marked the last phrase, tilting her head to the side. A little habit she probably took from Wanda.
-Because they care about you. But in truth, tell me, aren't you feeling like a burden? Like you get into their business?- she mirrored the young woman's expression. Y/n didn't answer at first.
-You're really not going soft on this are you?- Helen released a dry laugh. Shook her head and paused before talking.
-Yes. I began working as a nurse unofficially when I was 13 years old, during the Prague Spring reforms in '68. The hospital was in short of nurses so.- she explained, -That time wasn't easy. Not that the one before it and after it wasn't, that is. You either grow a thick skin or you don't survive.- Y/n felt for her, as she had a very similar destiny. First she doesn't know how she ended up in an orphanage, and then when she was fifteen and nobody took her, they kicked her out. She was homeless for a year until SHIELD recruited her, and the rest is history.
The older woman got up and took some vegetables, washed them and then placed them down to slice them. Y/n got up as well and started helping. She eyed the fresh eggs, so she guessed that Helen wanted to make a quick frittata.
-How did you end up in America? As midwife, nonetheless.- she asked.
-Why most foreign people come to America? Certainly not the food.- The woman responded with a slight hint of irony. The girl chuckled.
-Touché.-
-In any case, I've been here more than half of my live, moved many states mainly for my own choice. Being a private midwife pays decently.- she paused to dump the sliced vegetables into a pan with a little oil and salt.
-I became one because I was fascinated by the whole process that the woman's body goes through both before, during and after birth. I assisted two of my older sisters, and in the end ended up doing it as a job.- Y/n nodded, listening.
-That's actually amazing. But if I can ask, you do not have kids yourself?-
-No. Didn't have the possibility at first. Then decided that just it was my profession but not my future. No regrets.- she answered even tho the girl could sense that something was off. She decided not to intrude.
Silence fell between them while they were cooking, and the younger woman took the popularity to think about what she said. The woman was practical, a bit harsh maybe. But she also had a lot of experience. She didn't like the thought of leaving her family, but she had to admit that she often felt like a burden lately. More than once someone stayed behind to look after her, and even tho they didn't seem to mind at all, she did. She wasn't used to being so pampered and looked after, and sometimes she almost felt suffocated. Guess that spending many years of your life having to take care of yourself takes a toll on you.
She didn't want to decide anything without talking it out with Steve first. And it wouldn't be permanent, just for the last couple months or so, until she had the baby. If she really thought about it maybe she needed some time to reconnect with herself, to learn how to take care of her baby in the best way possible. Even the stupidest thing like cold chicken could potentially make her sick, and it was such a small thing. But that doesn't change the fact that she didn't knew. She wasn't one of those moms who surrounded herself with books teaching her every do's and don'ts, but at this point insecurity was kicking in. The last thing she would ever want was to be a bad mother even before actually becoming one.
-
Between a baby shop and another, and a whole new diet including an embarrassing amount of tea, Y/n finished her eight month of pregnancy. She was feeling as tired and as big as ever. Helen actually helped a lot both with the cooking, the health tips and with the shopping. She actually sobbed when they bought the crib. Both because she was emotional, a bit because hormones and also because Steve was again away on a mission. The whole team was actually. They had new leads in the Hungarian case and another completely different mission in South Korea, a tough one. So it required the whole team split up. That was the fist time Y/n was left alone since she knew she were pregnant. It all went smoothly, the tower actually felt quiet for once.
Y/n and Helen had found a nice dynamic, and most of the time spent time in a comfortable silence, each doing their thing. A downside that she wasn't realizing was the distance that was slowly creeping from her to the team. They didn't really like the midwife that much, Wanda, Thor and Bucky especially didn't like her at all. But Y/n felt for her, she felt like she knew her better than them so she often took her side, which hurt them back.
Steve on the other hand wasn't realizing it almost at all. All he cared about was his wife being healthy and that she got along with the midwife. They didn't sleep together often anymore, due to the fact that he was often away and she was constantly tired. Bruce did warn her at the beggining that this 'enhanced' baby would've probably tired her out, and it did at first but then she was feeling very well. She and Helen both blamed it on the tiredness of the pregnancy as a whole.
The last straw was when some of the guys, specifically Sam, Thor and Peter, whom didn't live at the tower and was rarely involved in missions because of Tony, went to see them and in some way, nobody actually know how, they made a whole ass hole in the floor above the library. Fate wanted that Y/n and Helen were reading just a few feet away. If they were just a bit closer to the door, they would've been hit by the pavement pieces.
Helen gasped and jumped out of her seat, book still in her hand by the corner. The younger woman on the other hand was more mad than anything.
She rose from the armchair, struggling a bit and marched towards the now destroyed door. The damage wasn't so bad, but it was still damage and it could've been way worse. She was fuming.
-Y/n! Shit are you okay? - Sam yelled from above. The three guys looking down from the hole they created.
-I'm so sorry it wasn't me! It was Thor! - Peter joined in and caused the God to respond, and from that a whole lot of mess arose.
The people who weren't on a mission, which were Wanda, Bucky and Tony, came running.
Y/n didn't know where to look and all of a sudden started felling a bit suffocated. She brought a hand to her forehead, distubed by the chaos arouns her.
-Stop! Fucking stop it! - she yelled, groaning from frustration. Everyone stopped talking while the girl started to feel her eyes prickle with tears of frustration.
-Why is never, ever a single day if peace in here? There's always someone around, making a mess, making noise, complaining- - she almost stumbled on a piece of ceiling that had fallen, but Bucky and Tony were right behind her and helped her stabilize herself, but she shoved them off.
-Leave me be!- she exclaimed frustrated. She huffed, trying to take a deep breath. -I'm moving out.- a chorus of 'What' arose. Bucky stepped forward and grabbed her wrist gently.
-What are you talking about?- his eyes showed confusion and panic.
-And when would have you decided this stupid thing?- Tony crossed his arms and went straight up 'Tony Stark' on her. Y/n rolled her eyes, ignoring both questions and walked out of the now damaged library. Helen followed suit.
-At least wait for Steve to return!- Wanda said. Thor jumped down, through the new hole in the ceiling and followed her like the others.
-Y/n, we're sorry! Look, I'm gonna fix the ceiling myself okay? Please don't go- Y/n's ached to see them upset, but she was tired. Too tired. She was afraid that if she had stayed more than she could withstand, their relationships could've been ruined. That was the last thing she wanted. She didn't knew exactly what was that overwhelmed her so much. She felt constantly tired and in pain, all the noise, number of people..it had become just too much. She needed to finish this pregnancy alone, or at least in a more quiet place.
She stopped in her tracks and exhaled silently. Her eyes passed through everyone in the room. Even in that moment, they were decimated because of the mission, yet there were still eight people in the room. When normally it would've been around 15. That's too many people.
-It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, specifically. I just.. I feel overwhelmed. There's too much going on here at the tower. And for me it's like seeing life go on without being able to do anything. I need some space, okay? It won't be forever. Hell, if everything goes well it's gonna be a month, at best. But I really, really need a break. I am going to pack and leave by afternoon, when Steve returns, just send him to the address that I'll leave for him. Okay? I love you guys, you're my family and I wouldn't be where I am today without you. Its just temporary.- she smiled softly, trying not to get emotional. Wanda was visibly upset, on the verge of crying. The others just looked sad, maybe disappointed. But nobody said anything, so she turned her heels and went straight to her room.
-
By five pm she and Helen were already gone. The older woman called them a cab, the driver took care of their stuff and then they were gone. Y/n was silent during most of the trip, both because of the extreme tiredness and sadness. She never changed home since she moved to the tower. She also thought about what she would tell Steve. She knew she couldn't contact him, so she didn't. They had left two days prior, so it was a bit early to know when he'll be coming home. But she knew a hundred percent that he would've gotten to her even before going home.
The two women were headed to the older one's house, which was in Avalon, New Jersey. Helen had told her about her beach house, quite far from the city. Y/n did actually fall asleep after the first hour or so, they had around three in total so she didn't worry about not waking up. By her surprise though, she did sleep throughout the whole trip, and yet, she was still tired. In those days her head gave her particular discomfort, so any noise at all really disturbed her.
Helen woke her up gently when they arrived, the she helped her get out of the car. Meanwhile the driver, which was a quite young man, probably around her age, which was 27, with curly black hair, stubble and dark green eyes, took their luggage off of the trunk.
-That's all. Have a nice stay.- he smiled slightly. Y/n frowned, what about the money?
-How much do we owe you?- she asked sweetly. He waved his hand dismissively, going back in the driver's seat.
-The lady already paid me, I'm ok. Bye.- he waved goodbye and drove off. Y/n and Helen dragged the luggage insider her villa, by which the girl definitely was taken aback.
-You didn't tell me that you live in a Villa?-
-Maybe, but I did tell you that being a private midwife pays well. I also need space if I want to take people living with me.- she explained. The first thing that you could see was the huge open space which showed a not exaggeratedly large living room with a window door on the right, on the left there was the kitchen and in the middle a staircase.
It wasn't very decorated, but the light palette of the whole place defines had a calming effect. Y/n was so used to the high rise and high technology of the Avengers tower that she had almost forgot how nice and intimate a normal house could be.
Helen showed y/n around a little, then ended up in the spare room, which had a large bed, a balcony and some essential forniture pieces such as a wardrobe, a vanity, a full length mirror, an armchair.
-This is really nice, Helen.- she smiled tiredly, caressing her big belly while she walked around. But as she was walking towards the balcony, she had a slight attack of vertigo, and her knees buckle for a second. The woman was at her side in a few seconds, helping her onto the bed. Y/n huffed, the back of her hand on her eyes.
-Why am I so shitty? I was pretty good until a few months ago.- she whined, and Helen shook her head while she stroked her arm.
-Every pregnancy is different, Y/n. You're just tired, from the car and that chaotic place.- the disdain in her voice didn't really pleased Y/n, but she didn't say anything. She didn't have the strength and besides, it's not like she was particularly liked at the tower anyway.
-I'll get you a tea, be right back.- Y/n chuckled.
-I drank more of your Hungarian tea than water in the last months.- Helen pulled a tight smile.
-Well, it is a traditional recipe for pregnant women. Not that you seem to mind it either.- the girl relaxed her eyes and discarded her sneakers to the ground.
-No, it has a peculiar taste but not bad.-
-Good.- and with that she left the girl alone. Helen went down the stairs, and turned on the stove to warm some water. She then opened a drawer, forcing the wood layer to come up by using her fingernails, pulling out an old fashioned phone.
She went to the contacts and dialed the only one there was. She waited a few minutes, when someone picked up.
-Igen?-
-Közeledünk. Készülj fel.- she said, hanging up.
************
Translation from Hungarian: ‘Yes?’ ‘We’re close. Get ready.’
Hiii, this is quite a short chapter but I wanted to end it with ✨ suspense ✨ the next one tho is gonna be way longer. Lastly, friendly reminder that my taglist and my ask inbox are open!
***********
Taglist : @polarcrystall @a--1--1--3  @jessyballet​
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scarecoen · 3 years
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Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.
I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.
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A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.
My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)
Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.
When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.
It worked. For years.
I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.
I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.
Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.
Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.
So I intervened.
I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.
The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.
Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.
Ofc I didn't bring her back.
During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.
Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.
Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.
We were all looking for somewhere to go.
I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)
I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.
And Jackie wanted to go..
I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.
Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.
I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:
After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."
We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.
Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..
Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.
Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.
She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...
A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.
Then she attacked me.
I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.
I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.
All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.
It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.
And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.
Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...
But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.
Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...
I faced the cops alone.
He already had "that look."
He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"
I wanted to fucking die in that moment.
This is a conservative city.
No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.
This is EXACTLY WHY.
I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"
I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-
And behind me was her family.
Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.
All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.
He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."
He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.
I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.
He said "I don't see bruises."
I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"
He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."
I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."
I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."
Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.
Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.
Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)
I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.
There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.
The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.
I hate this city.
I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.
We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.
This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.
To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.
I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)
The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.
However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.
If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.
Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.
I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.
Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.
Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.
I know I'm not the bad person here.
Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.
I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.
Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.
She needs justice too.
I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.
Mentally, we're stronger than ever.
Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.
It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
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pink-peony-princess · 3 years
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Deliverance| S.M Werewolf AU
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Part One🐺
The woods had always been a place of comfort for me. A place to escape the madness of my life- of serenity. of course I'd heard the stories of vicious wolves who roamed the darkness waiting to prey on the innocent,but I always put it down to stories, gossip, folklore designed to stop kids from venturing too far. That was until the day I was taken.
A rogue pack had taken me as their personal toy, all the anger and frustration they felt was taken out on me. It was a good day if I got a bit of stale bread, and only one beating. On bad days there would be no food and constant, torturous abuse.
I had endured it for 13 year, my small body the reflection of years of malnutrition and hurt, but I'd finally escaped.
I had bid my time, waiting till they made an inevitable error, and it had finally happend. One of the younger wolves had forgotten to check the padlock when they'd had their fun with me and I'd seized the opportunity and run as fast as I could. but I wasn't fast enough. The alarm had been sounded and there were now several wolves hot on my heels and I could run no further I had to accept my fate. He was less than a metre away from me when our of nowhere another wolf - russet in colour intercepted him in mid air, knocking him over with the force of an elephant. I could hear the snarling and snapping of jaws as I finally collapsed and
surrendered, the last thing I remember was a tall young man walking towards me .
When I woke it was to a mass of activity.
I drifted in and out of sleep, hearing people talking.feeling hands on me, there was even something about the alpha wanting to see 'her', and a 'mate' and something else about ' killing the pack that did this'. What that meant I couldn't know in my delirium.
When I managed to finally open my eyes and get past the blindly bright light above me, I was met with the image of a man-pacing back land forth, muttering to himself. And the more immediate threat of someone fiddling with the sheet that lay over me.
Surely with a man this good looking, this close to me it had to be a dream, I tried to convince myself, but someone shattered the dream almost as soon as is materialised.
"Well hello sweetheart, I'm glad to see you're finally awake," the voice came from that of and older woman with long greying hair braided out of her face "My name's Judy, I'm your nurse," she smiled down at me. "Are you in any pain?" She asked.
I took a moment to take everything in, but I was still unable to make sense of it all.
"Where am I?" I asked, trying to sit up, but everything protested as soon as I moved, even muscles I didn't know I had.
"Just stay still for now dear, you don't want to hurt yourself further," the nurse-Judy spoke kindly, helping me to resettle myself.
Something, maybe me speaking seemed to wake the man from his trance like state and he turned to meet my confused gaze.
He was tall, he had to be at least 6 foot, with sliflghtly tanned skin, the most rich brown eyes I'd ever seen, and hair that was neatly cut, except for a few unruly curls at the front of his head which didn't want to co-operate with the hair gel he'd obviously used to style it.
"Oh,oh thank God." the man rushed over to the side of the bed stopping mere inches from my face.
I could feel my heart rate picking up as panic set in, not used to people (let alone males) being this close without hurting me.
I turned to Judy asking desperately with my eyes for help
She must have got the memo because she cleared her throat and spoke.
She seemed somewhat hesitant though "Alpha, I don't mean to overstep my boundaries, I know you must be worried sick as we all are, however would it not be prudent to give the girl some space?"
The man searched my face for a moment, before straightening and stepping backwards.
"I didn't mean to scare you," he muttered guiltily.
"You didn't," I lied before I could think about it.
"My name's Shawn what's yours?" he asked holding his hand out for me to take.
I kept my mouth shut, years of torture telling me to keep quiet. He dropped his extended up so it was back at his side.
"Alrighty then, when you're ready. I won't push you." He spoke, it seemed as though he was trying deliberately to keep his tone, soft, conversational and I appreciated it.
At that moment the doctor walked in. "It's good to see you awake Miss," he spoke echoing Judy's words.
"I'm sorry to say you're quite banged up." Shawn started pacing again at his words.
"
I would have sworn I heard a growl.
"Shawn you have to stay calm," Judy spoke, it sounded almost as if she was trying to comfort him, confusing me further.
Once the doctor left Shawn calmed down, having dragging a chair from outside my room to sit beside my bed.
"I heard something about killing another pack?" I asked weighing my words cafefully. "So are you all wolves too?"
"Yes, honey, but I promise you're safe here," he replied softly, looking over at me. I looked down again, not able to take the human interaction.
"Everytime I look at you, you look down. Why is that?"he asked, sounding sad.
" I didn't mean to upset you," I panicked.Starting to pick at the I.V in my arm, it was something I always did when I was nervous, picking things, my skin, nails whatever seemed to help.
"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, I'm not mad," he cut me off. "I just mean I've noticed it is all," he lay a hand carefully on my arm and surprisingly the contact helped.
"I don't know," I pondered, distracted by his touch. There was a weird, warm feeling flowing from the point of contact straight up to my chest, not dissimilar to when your hands or feet go numb and then start to respond again. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange. "I guess, I'm not used to positive human contact," I admitted, looking up to see him shaking his head.
"Are you the Alpha?" I asked suddenly. He looked at me, surprise washing over his face at the boldness of my question.
"Yes, I am," he spoke proudly. "Of the Shadowmoon Pack, greatest pack in all of Canada if you ask me," he smiled.
I liked the way he was so confident. It made me feel safe and secure. A few more hours past with us sitting in a comfortable silence, I couldn't help but feel safe around him, and as foreign as the feeling was, I also craved it.
"Are you ready to go home now Poppet?" Judy ssekd, making her way into my room again sometime later and starting to mess around with the I.V tubing.
I looked at her panicked.
"Home?" I squeeked. Surely they weren't really going to send me home. It wasn't a home where I'd come from it was a hell, my own personal hell and I'd be damned if I was going back.
Shawn seemed to noticed my emotions and stepped forward, slowly holding his arms out, and instead of backing away as I had done earlier,I surprised us both and stepped into his hold.
He was warm and comfortable, our bodies seemed to fit perfectly,denim of his jacket just scratchy enough and the now semi familiar tingling from our contact pleasant enough to ground me somewhat. I stayed like that for a minute or so before I became a little more aware of what I was doing. I was hugging a near stranger,worse he was a male, worse again Ii was actually lettung myself like it.
Sorry, I blushed, stepoing away quicky and looking down.
"You don't need to apologise," he smiled.
"What was the tingling I felt" I asked wanting to change the subject.
"That is what you get when two mates make contact" He smiled wider than I had ever seen a person smile, his fangs being exposed in the process.
I stood, silently, shocked.
"Are you okay" He asked moving to step towards me, I held a hand up and he halted midstride.
"I promise you. We'll take things slowly, right now I just want to get you home- to our home," he amended when he saw the look of panic in my face. "So you can rest."
I nodded. Still not entirely comfortable, but what other choice did I have? Go back to the pack that had tortured me all these years, or even end up homeless on the street? And from everything I'd seen Shawn seemed like a genuinely nice person, who everyone respected. Plus,if he was telling the truth, which from heat I could tell, he was, he was my mate and from all the stories I'd heard as a child, your mate was meant to be the one person in the world who would do anything for you, be anywhere for you. They would literally protect you with their lives.
"Shawn I don't have anything to wear," I whispered embarrassed again, looking down at the gown which barely covered anything as Judy finally finished what she was doing in the corner of he room having taken out my I.V. and left.
"I brought you some clothes, don't worry," he smiled.Pullnig out the most comfortable pale pink sweater I'd ever seen, he handed it to me and I was hit with his scent.
"This is yours?"
",Is that okay?" he worried. " I could go home and get something from one of the girls if you're uncomfortable," he offered.
I just smiled,letting out a little giggle at the extreme level of concern he was showing, which caused him to immediately relax l, shoulders dropping, a slight smile gracing his lips as he shook his head softly.
"Can you turn around please?" I requested. He did as asked giving the privacy I so desperately craved.
When I was finished he took my hand, holding his other under my elbow to support my weight.
He was so patient, never rushing me as he lead me through the hospital and out the doors into the world. I couldn't help but savour the fresh air,the cold winter air burning my lungs but in a good way.
"I bet it feels nice to be outside again,"
I nodded, "How did you find me" I asked, as we continued to walk. It was as if now that I was free my mind could finally ask questions and process all the stuff I had never done previously.
"That's a story for when you've had some more rest," he answered, coming to a stop in front of a Jeep, opening the door and lifting me in. The tingling was still a shock,l everytime he touched my skin.
"Feel free to sleep we've got a bit of a drive ahead of us" he smiled reassuringly, before turning the ignition,the car coming to life.
I woke to someone shaking me,it was dark now and I immediately jumped back in my seat, unsure, before my groggy eyes made contact with Shawn's and I realised where I was and relaxed.
"I won't hurt you, you're safe now Pup," he murmured, moving to brush some hair out of my face with a feather-light touch. I blushed at the nickname."I was just waking you because we're here, this is home" I took in the house illuminated by lights in complete awe.
"So you're an Alpha and you don't hurt humans?" I asked as he helped me cafefully from he car.
"You're not human, you're an omega, but no I have nothing against humans," he added, holding me steady as I swayed on my feet slightly, not used to standing anymore.
I stood stunned again," I know it's a lot to take in, but we'll get to all of that, for now though, you need rest.
We made our way through the house in silence, I could hear other voices, yet we never came across anyone.
"This is my room," he spoke, shifting his grip on me slightly to open the door.
The room was large with huge french doors leading out to a balcony overlooking a big yard and a lake, soft- what looked like silk curtains framing the windows, a guitar sat in one corner a futon in the other. There was a record player in the corner, playing a soft melody which filled the space, creating a warm inviting feeling. In the centre of the room was the biggest bed I had ever seen.
It had several large cushions on it and a duvet cover that looked like it would feel like laying on clouds. Just this bed was bigger than he cell I'd been forced to spend so many years in,I thought with a shudder.
"This is your room?I stumbled over my words.
"Well I'm hoping it will be our room actually." Shawn spoke, scratching at his neck.
I turned panicked. "But only when you're comfortable I'm not about to force you into anything I promise."
He held his pinkie finger out, and I just looked at it unsure of what he wanted.
"Here," he smiled, taking my hand and locking my own little finger with his. "This is called a pinkie promise. It's like a pact that you don't break," he explained with a smile.
"Oh,I guess, I must have forgotten." I felt extremely stupid and shit up quickly, the only sound that of the record player still in the corner. I found it so comforting, my own father had had one when I was little and I could remember watching the record and needle spin for hours.
"There's a room adjacent to mine which I've had the maids freshen up, there's a comfortable bed and an ensuite with fresh towels and a toothbrush." he continued as if there wasn't just a massive awkward silence emitting solely from my lack of understanding.
He turned leading me back out and across the hallway to another door. When he opened it, I saw a room, smaller than his, but still warm and cosy, with a big bed, a window, lots of pretty lights and yet more records, this time hung in the wall.
"You didn't need to do this for me," I told him, as I took it all in.
"I wanted you to be comfortable," he shrugged.
He lead me back to his room where he sat down on the bed, kicking his shoes off and patting the spot next to him.
"How long was I out" I asked after a minute. He got what I meant immediately.
"Three days," he answered somberly.
"How are you feeling? he asked.
"Still very sore," I admitted.
"Here let me see your injuries." he reached over picking up a box of what I soon realised was full of first aid stuff.
He was extremely gentle as he tended to he cuts and scrapes that covered my shoulders, arms,and legs. He even managed to convince me to let him check my ribs. This I found uncomfortsbly and awkward once again, but he was careful not to make it any worse than it had to be and he had rewrapped them quicky and easily.
"How do you know how to do all this?" I asked quietly as he gently dabbed at a cut on my hand. "We'll I'm actually a trained doctor. When I'm not working as the Alpha, I work at the pack hospital. There all done," he announced,packing up the box and disposing of he rubbish in a small medical waste tin.
Half an hour later and I'd gotten changed, again into one of Shawn's oversized hoodies and made myself comfortable in his bed after he insisted I stay in his room incase I needed him.
"Sleep well, Pup, I'll be here if you need me."
He went to lounge on the futon, and I was left to drift to sleep, exhausted by the day's events. My sleep was fitful to satly the least, dreams bad nightmares melding to form weird and wonderful scenarios which would never make sense.
When I woke, it was to a soft knock on the door. Opening my eyes, I could see that it was still slightly light out, though dinner than it had been, probably somewhere around dusk. A girl with dark hair, dark eyes and a kind smile stepped tenntively into the room.
"My name's Karla. Im in the pack. It's nice to meet you," she added warmly. "Shawn's had to go deal with some pack matters so he asked me to come keep you company. I brought you some food. He said you might be hungry." She held out what looked like a croisant, the smell of butter instantly filling the room."I also brought a hair brush," she added. "I thought you might like to brush your hair, I know that always makes me feel better. Or I could do it?" she added again, shyly.
"Thank you."I whispered, my voice still hoarse.
The girl, Karla, came to sit on the bed. She had to be the same age as me. Maybe a year or two older.
"I hope the pack meeting doesn't go too long," she said as I started picking at my croisant. "Shawn won't want to be away from you, it's hard to be away from our mates." She looked dreamy as she spoke, leaving no question that she too had a mate.
"I'm nervous to meet everyone," I admitted with a frown, suddenly not hungry anymore.
"Aww, don't worry everyone will love you," she smiled. "We've all been waiting for ages for him to meet his mate and you're finally here." she clapped in excitement, breaking E and forcing me to smile just as Shawn came through the door with another soft knock.
"Ahhh, I see you've meet Karla," he smiled, raising his eyebrow a little bit. " I hope she's been telling you good things."
"Yep, what were you doing" I asked watching as he took his deniem jacket off- the same one from earlier and chucked it onto the futon, coming to sit next to me on the bed, careful not to invade my personal space.
"Are you comfortable?" he asked watching as I pulled the crosiant to pieces no longer interested by the food, now that I had him here.
"I'm alright," I shrugged.
He nodded, and we lapsed into yet another comfortable quiet.
It was only then that I realised Karla had left the room, she must have excused herself, seeing that she was no longer needed and didn't feel the need to encroach.The hairbrush however was still laying on the bed.
"I just want you to know," he spoke, breaking the silence after a while, "that no matter what happeneds you'll be safe here. I'll protect you with my life, it's my job both as your Alpha and as your mate," he spoke earnestly.
He was looking at me with such an intensity as he spoke that something broke inside of me, and I cracked. "Lucy," I whispered looking down and away from his gaze.
"What?" I could here the confusion in his voice.
"Lucy, my name, my name is Lucy." I spoke more clearly this time, though I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.
"Lucy, that's a pretty name," he murmured. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was reaching for me, and as much as I wanted to move, my body was frozen whether in fear or anticipation I couldn't know, but the next thing I knew both his hands were cupping my face. He was so gentle, almost as if he thought I would break. I looked up at him, once again taken aback by the intensity of his stare.
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
"You're so pretty when you blush," he smiled, caressing my cheek.
"Please don't compliment me, I don't deserve it, I'm ugly," I repeated the words my captors had drilled into me for so many years.
"You, Lucy," he put emphasis on my name. "are anything but ugly. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out."
"How can you say that?" I replied.
"Because, I can feel it Lucy, right here," he took my hand in his and placed it over his chest where I could feel his heart beat strong and sure. "I've been waiting for you my entire life. And now that I have you, it's my job, my honour to protect you with my life," he explained fiercly.
"Thank you," I chocked out, tears welling in my eyes.Leaning into his frame just slightly despite myself and my fears.
"No pup, thank you."
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beybladefanfictions · 3 years
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Ryuga’s Return - Chapter 2
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(Description: AU where Ryuga survives Metal Fury but loses L-Drago. He reunites with Kenta and struggles to figure out what he’s supposed to do without Beyblade, his purpose in life for so long. Character’s thoughts are in asteriks.)
Kenta’s POV (Yes, I know, odd choice, but bear with me)
Kenta followed Gingka and Madoka into the shop. The others trailed after them, filing into the store after them one or a few at a time. Kenta and Gingka placed Sagittario and Pegasus respectively on the counter then stepped aside to allow the others to do the same. The shop had never been more crowded. Kyoya, Tsubasa, and Yu put their Beyblades on the counter followed by Yuki, Masamune, and several others that Kenta knew to be the Legendary Bladers. They all looked completely beat and worn out. Everyone's hair was sticking out in several directions while their outfits were torn and ragged. Some even had scars or other marks on their skin.
Madoka began collecting the Beyblades on her counter. A few people filed out of the shop. Masamune and his friends, Zeo, Toby, and a blue-haired kid Kenta scarcely knew, left together, chatting and amongst themselves.
���I’ll show you guys around the city,” Masamune was saying, “Since we’re gonna be here for a few days at least.”
“We should get some food,” the blue-haired kid replied, “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.”
The four kids laughed as they left. Some of the other Legendary Bladers followed their lead and left as well. With a start, Kenta realized he hadn’t seen Ryuga in a while. He looked around then spotted him. Ryuga looked just as dishevelled as the others. His skin was covered in cuts and scrapes, he was missing his white jacket and the rest of his clothes were in tatters. It made him look like a homeless person, which of course he was, but it wasn't normally this obvious. 
Ryuga was leaning against the wall, his gaze intent on the display Beyblades in the glass. He was noticeably far away from the others. Two of the Legendary Bladers, a little kid and a tall purple-haired man, stood on the opposite side of the store talking. Meanwhile, everyone else was near the counter with Madoka.
“You know, most of us are gonna be without our Beyblades for a while…” Gingka was clearly fighting to keep his voice cheerful. “What should we do with all that time?”
“I don’t know,” Madoka replied with a shrug. “What do you guys normally do when your Beyblades are damaged?”
“Wait for you to fix them,” Yu answered, pleading with his eyes.
Madoka let out an exasperated sigh.
“It’s been so long since all this stuff with Nemesis started,” Yuki spoke up, adjusting his glasses. “I barely remember what life was like before it.”
“Yeah…” Gingka nodded. “I got so used to travelling around. It’s gonna be hard to take it easy again.”
“It’ll be nice to take it easy again!” Benkei exclaimed, his eyes wide. “All that travelling was exhausting.”
“I agree,” Madoka replied with a nod.
Gingka suddenly glanced up, meeting Kenta’s gaze.
“What do you think, Kenta?” he asked with a smile.
“Huh?” Kenta froze for a moment. “Oh, uh… I agree with both of you,” he replied, taking a nervous step toward the others. “Travelling was exhausting but I got used to it. It’s gonna feel weird not travelling with Ryuga all the time.”
Kenta cast a glance at his friend. Ryuga didn't seem to be paying attention, his gaze still intent on the Beyblades. *Should I try to talk to him?* Kenta wondered.
“Oh, yeah!” Yu exclaimed. “You were with Ryuga!”
“That must have been…” Yuki gulped, casting a glance at where Ryuga was. “Interesting. It must have been interesting.” Yuki faked a smile.
“It was just a bunch of walking,” Kenta replied, casually. “And entering some tournaments here and there.”
*And sometimes talking if Ryuga was in a good enough mood,* Kenta added silently to himself.
“But enough about me,” Kenta insisted, “I wanna hear about your journey!”
“Uh… that would take a while to explain,” Gingka replied, resting his hand on the back of his neck.
“I’ve got time!” Kenta insisted, leaning forward over the counter. “Please! I wanna know!”
“Yeah, me too!” Yu added, stepping beside Kenta. “You guys must have had so many cool adventures! I wish I had been there with you!”
“Okay, okay.” Gingka smiled as he gestured for Yu to quiet down. “Well, first we went to China…”
Kenta and Yu listened intently as Gingka and the others recounted their travels. Suddenly, the bell at the door rang.
“Huh?” Kenta looked over his shoulder.
Ryuga was walking away from the shop, his head hung low.
“Where’s he going I wonder?” Gingka asked, tilting his head to the side.
Anxiety rose within Kenta, *Is he leaving town? Am I never going to see him again?!*
“I’m gonna find out!” Kenta replied, rushing toward the door. “Ryuga!”
“Hey, Kenchi, wait up!” Yu called behind him.
Kenta pushed the door open and ran down the sidewalk after Ryuga.
"Ryuga!" he called.
Ryuga stopped and turned to him.
"Where are you going?" Kenta asked, struggling to catch his breath.
"Aren't we leaving?" Ryuga grunted, though he didn't quite seem angry. "You gave her your Beyblade already."
Kenta froze. *'We'… He still wants to stick with me?*
"Well yeah, but there's no rush!" Kenta insisted, "We can stay and socialize."
"Socialize?" Ryuga asked, sounding as if he had never heard the word before.
"Yeah, talk to them, like friends do!"
"Then do that." Ryuga turned and started to walk away again.
"Wait, Ryuga!" Kenta called, reaching out to him.
Ryuga whipped around. "Why do you want me to stay with you when you're just talking to your friends?!" He demanded.
"Because you're my friend too."
Ryuga let out a sigh, his gaze faltering to the ground. "Kenta, I need some time alone." His voice was oddly quiet, almost distant.
"R-Ryuga…?” Kenta stared at his friend for a moment. *Is he okay?* However, Kenta didn't want to push him, so he just nodded. “Okay, can you come back to the shop at sunset?" 
Ryuga looked up at the sky. The sun was in the middle of the sky, giving them about a few hours between now and sunset.
"Fine," he grunted.
"Great!" Kenta faked a cheerful smile to mask his worry. "I'll see you then, Ryuga!"
The two of them turned and went their separate ways. However, Kenta couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Kenta hadn't known Ryuga long and during the time he had known him, they had been on somewhat shaky terms. However, Kenta had never seen him like this before. Ryuga always had an air of confidence, even arrogance in some cases, but since reuniting with him, Ryuga spoke as if he wasn’t fully sure of his own words, or even fully sure of what he was doing anymore.
“Kenchi!"
Kenta looked over his shoulder. Yu was walking toward him, a bewildered look on his face.
“Oh, hey Yu,” Kenta replied, waving.
“Wow…" Yu stared at where Ryuga had been. "Ryuga really does seem to respect you.”
“What do you mean?” Kenta asked, tilting his head to the side.
Everyone kept telling him that: that Ryuga respected him but Kenta had yet to hear it from Ryuga himself. It made him question whether it was true. Of course, Ryuga had to care about him, enough to not let him die on their journey and to give him his star fragment but… respect? Kenta wasn't a fool. He knew Ryuga was just humouring him with that challenge. Ryuga didn't take him or anything he said seriously until he was proven wrong and nearly died.
“He barely talked to me at all when I knew him," Yu explained. "Let alone talk like a normal kid.”
“Well, he is a normal kid.”
That’s what Kenta always told himself, ever since he started following Ryuga. Even though he led a very different life than Kenta and his friends, that wasn’t a reason to fear him. He was just a normal kid like them.
“Not really." Yu's eyes suddenly narrowed. "To be honest Kenchi, I don’t really get why you put up with that guy. I mean, considering everything he did."
"Well, you and Benkei weren't exactly nice to me at first, but I'm friends with both of you now."
"Well, yeah, but you were travelling with Ryuga for soooo long before he even acknowledged you. At least, that's what I gathered." Yu shrugged a bit.
"That's not exactly true…"
"Huh?" Yu tilted his head to the side.
"He did kind of ignore me at first but he never let any real harm come to me," Kenta explained, smiling a bit as he remembered his travels with Ryuga. "We were in it together. Whatever we faced, we faced together."
*That's how I saw it at least…* At first, all Kenta cared about was getting Ryuga on their side, and never faltered in that motivation. However, travelling with the same person for months on end had a way of making you grow attached to them.
Yu raised an eyebrow. "You're really sure you can trust him?"
"Yu!" Kenta gasped, defensively.
"I just don't want you to get hurt, Kenchi!" Yu insisted, his eyes huge with worry. "Like I was." He looked away. "I thought Ryuga was my friend once too but he turned his back on me when I needed him."
"He didn't do that to me," Kenta insisted, remembering how even before their promise, Ryuga didn't let him die. "And I know he won’t."
"How do you know that?" Yu tilted his head to the side.
Kenta gazed off in the distance. In his mind, he recalled a very specific moment from his travels.
**********************
It had been mere minutes since Kenta had stopped Ryuga from stealing a legendary blader's power. Once they were away from the others, Ryuga turned and glared at Kenta.
"What were you thinking, getting in my way like that?!" He demanded.
"You were stealing their power!" Kenta snapped back, clenching his fists and glaring up at Ryuga. "I had to do something!"
Whatever fear Kenta might have felt was completely drowned out by his anger.
Ryuga let out a growl. "If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll-I'll…”
"You'll what, Ryuga?! You'll what?!"
Kenta knew the exact intent behind his words, though he didn’t say it directly. He was asking Ryuga what he would do to retaliate. Ryuga's eyes went wide. Kenta knew that if anyone else talked to Ryuga this way, they would immediately be attacked. Instead, Ryuga seemed frozen with shock for a few moments. Then his eyes narrowed.
"Don't forget who I am, kid," Ryuga growled, "My goal is to take all of the legendary bladers' power for myself and nothing you do or say will ever change that."
Ryuga turned and walked away. Kenta froze before chasing after him. At that moment it was clear to Kenta: Ryuga couldn’t bring himself to intentionally hurt him. The very idea had shocked him.
***************
“We’ve just been through a lot together," Kenta finally answered Yu's question. “If he was going to hurt me in any way, he would’ve by now.”
“Well…” Yu still looked somewhat doubtful. “I guess you have a point.”
“Now, come on.” Kenta gestured for Yu to follow him. “Let’s go listen to the rest of that story!” The two of them walked back to the shop side by side.
It was nearly sunset when the group walked out of the shop, chatting amongst themselves.
"I'm sooo hungry,” Yu complained, gripping his stomach. “I could eat, like, an entire building.” He gestured vaguely to the Beyblade shop behind them.
"Hey, why don't we all get dinner together?!" Madoka suggested, with a smile.
"Yeah!” Gingka agreed, bouncing like a rabbit. “I could go for a celebratory hamburger!"
"Same!" Benkei agreed, nodding vigorously.
Kyoya rolled his eyes. "You guys always eat hamburgers."
Gingka stopped in his tracks. The others stopped behind him, gazing at him expectantly.
"Actually…” Gingka rested his hand on his chin. “I can't think of the last time I had a hamburger." 
Madoka’s eyes narrowed at him. "Three days ago, Gingka. It was three days ago."
Gingka staggered back, letting out a shrill gasp."That was like forever ago! I need a burger now!” He turned to the others, holding his hand in the sky. “Who's with me?!"
"I!" Benkei replied, bouncing toward Gingka.
"I!" Yuki added, adjusting his glasses.
"Tithi, wanna come with us?" Yu asked, glancing at the shorter kid.
"Well, I wanna stick with you…” Tithi looked up at Dynamis. “But then Dynamis will be all lonely!"
Dynamis chuckled. "I'll come along. Though I must admit, I have never heard of these 'hamburgers' before."
Gingka let out a gasp of horror. "You've never had a HAMBURGER?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"
"The temple on Mist Mountain," Dynamis answered without missing a beat.
Gingka froze. "Oh... Well..."
Kenta chuckled. The others cackled as the colour drained from Gingka's face.
"So we're all going?" Tsubasa asked, gazing at the group.
"What about Kenta?" Benkei asked, turning to him.
"Huh?" Kenta stared at the group as they all turned to him.
"Yeah, do you wanna come and get burgers with us?" Gingka asked, a smile returning to his face.
"Oh, uh..."
Kenta glanced up at the sky. The sun had nearly set, casting it's orange and pink hues across the sky. He didn't see Ryuga around. However, he would probably come back soon, just like he said he would.
"That's okay," Kenta replied, looking back at Gingka. "I was actually gonna meet up with Ryuga. He should be here soon."
"O-oh!" Gingka sounded slightly taken aback but he still smiled. "Okay."
"Yeah, he's got no one else so I want to make sure he's not alone," Kenta explained, smiling. He kept the part about him being worried about Ryuga to himself.
"Why don't you just invite your friend to come with us?" Dynamis asked, tilting his head to the side.
"Uh..." Everyone stared at him with wide eyes.
"Oh, he wouldn't want to anyway," Kenta replied, flicking his hand dismissively. *Not that I know what he wants anymore.* "But I'll see you guys tomorrow!"
"Okay, bye Kenta!" Gingka replied, with a smile.
The group began to walk away.
"See you around Kenchi!" Yu called, waving as he followed Tithi and Tsubasa.
"Have a safe trip home!" Benkei added, walking beside Kyoya.
"I will!"
Kenta stood and waved until the group disappeared around the street corner.
“Kenta."
Kenta nearly jumped out of his skin, letting out a yelp. He whipped around. Ryuga was standing a few paces away, having seemingly emerged from the nearby alleyway.
"Oh, hey Ryuga!" Kenta greeted, shaking a bit as he waved. "You, uh, you startled me. Uh…" Kenta straightened his posture. "Where did you go exactly?"
"Nowhere in particular," Ryuga replied, with a shrug.
"Uh… Okay.” *Why is he being secretive about something so simple?* “Well, I was thinking of heading home,” Kenta replied, “My parents-"
"Parents?” Ryuga cut him off, sounding bewildered. “You have parents?"
"Yes?" Kenta tilted his head to the side. “Did you think I didn’t?”
"Well, you were travelling with me for months."
"I told my parents I was going with Gingka and the others to find the legendary bladers. They were fine with me going… As long as I stayed with a group…”
Kenta's heart skipped a beat. He gazed expectantly at Ryuga who just shrugged.
"You were with me. Close enough."
"Is it?"
Ryuga smiled a bit. It wasn’t sadistic like he could sometimes look, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes either. “Well, you're alive so I clearly did my job,” he replied.
Kenta chuckled a bit. "If you say so…” An idea hit Kenta like a bolt of lightning and he couldn’t help but smile. "Hey, do you want to meet my parents?” he asked, looking up at Ryuga. "I bet they'd like you!"
Ryuga laughed wryly. "Me? The former Dragon Emperor? Don't be silly." He suddenly looked away, his gaze fixed on something in the distance.
Kenta raised an eyebrow. *'Former' Dragon Emperor? Why did he say former?*
"It's not silly! My parents like all my friends!”
“Did they see Battle Bladers?”
“Huh?”
Kenta stepped back, his eyes wide. The two of them avoided talking about that infamous tournament, and only brought it up if they had to. Ryuga paused to take a breath.
“Did they see Battle Bladers?” He repeated, clearly realizing the weight of his words.
“I mean, probably…” Kenta shook his head clear as memories of that horrible tournament raced through his mind. “But that was a while ago! And you weren’t even in full control of yourself! I… I've forgiven you, a-and they will too!"
Kenta didn’t know if the last part was true, but he was willing to say anything to make his friend feel better.
"Whatever,” Ryuga grunted, crossing his arms. “I don't have anywhere else to go so I'll stick with you."
*Nowhere else to go…? So that’s why he’s staying with me? He doesn’t want to travel anymore?* Then Kenta understood. Ryuga had only been travelling to get stronger at Beyblade, and now his Beyblade was gone, so he didn’t want to anymore.
"Okay.” Kenta nodded, keeping his realization to himself. “I'll just let them know we're coming.”
Kenta grabbed his phone and dialled the number. His mother almost immediately picked up.
"Kenta!" She exclaimed cheerfully.
Kenta smiled. "Hey, Mom!"
"So you're back from your long trip then!"
"Yeah, I was just on my way home! Can I bring a friend over?"
"Of course, dear. Which friend is it?"
"Oh, it's Ryuga," Kenta answered, sounding completely casual. "I met him on the journey."
"Ryuga? As in... THAT Ryuga?" She didn’t sound scared, just confused.
"Yes, THAT Ryuga." Kenta rolled his eyes. "We're friends now and he doesn't have anywhere else to go."
Only after he said it did Kenta realize Ryuga might not have wanted him to share that information. He glanced at his friend. Ryuga didn't appear to be paying any attention as he gazed somewhere in the distance.
"Wow, you can make friends with anyone,” Kenta’s mother remarked, chuckling a bit.
Kenta chuckled as well. "Thanks, Mom."
"Well, he's welcome to stay over for dinner. Same rules as you and the rest of your friends, no Beyblading in the house."
Kenta bit his lip, remembering that L-Drago was gone now. "Oh, that won't be a problem…” he blurted out, then quickly added, “Sagittario's in the shop. You'll have to see it once it's fixed, it's completely different now! Uh, anyway, we'll see you when we get there."
"Bye, Kenta."
"Bye, Mom."
Kenta hung up, putting his phone back in his pocket. He turned to Ryuga. The older kid was still staring off into the distance, his gaze unreadable.
“Ryuga?”
Ryuga met Kenta’s gaze. Without a word, he began walking. Kenta walked beside him. Ryuga’s gaze was fixed on the ground and his entire posture seemed slouched. *He’s clearly upset… but how am I supposed to bring it up?* Every other time Kenta had seen Ryuga upset, he had been angry and destructive. Kenta didn’t know if he had ever seen Ryuga sad before. *I don’t want to bring it up right now… but if I don’t bring it up, he might never talk about it. Ryuga doesn’t seem like he wants support, but he might need it…*
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silverinia · 3 years
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I came for Baranski, I stayed for Baranski - a quick Christmas On The Square review someone* actually asked for
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(* thank you, anon)
Disclaimer: I am in no way a professional of any sorts when it comes to film and I'm not a journalist either. The last movie review I've written was probably for a school assignment in eighth grade. I didn't do research for this and I've watched the movie exactly one time, so this is just for fun.
It was a Sunday, Sunday the 22nd of November, nearing the end of the train wreck of a year that is 2020. I woke up on an air mattress around seven am, my head aching, my throat itching with pyrosis and light nausea, it was still dark outside behind the closed blinds in front of the windows, when I slowly realised where I was, one of my best girlfriends sleeping next to me in her bed. I had crashed at her place after a warm, fuzzy evening of mulled wine, tacky Christmas movies I would never watch alone (Christmas Chronicles and Holiday Calendar, which I quite honestly didn't enjoy at all, but the company made it fun anyway), doing our nails, wearing the fun kind of face masks for a change and smoking too many cigarettes, as the soft pain in my head informed me right now. She woke up an hour later and the morning went by with coffee and reheated pizza for breakfast, when we decided to watch another movie and I realised that it was THE Sunday I'd been waiting for through Zoom interviews and Dolly Parton twitter memes and the infamous wig gate that will be briefly discussed in the following, and so we clicked on the small icon in the Netflix menu that said "Christmas On The Square".
And oh boy, was it a ride.
To start off, I should mention that I have a hard time watching most modern day American Christmas movies, as I noticed quite vividly again when I watched the two aforementioned Netflix productions last night. The character development is always foreseeable to say the least, the plot lines are plain clichés hunting each other like they're the kids in The Hunger Games, and the writing is generally so bad that you can join the actors in reciting the entire scripts on your first watch. I watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas once a year while I'm gift wrapping and pause every fifteen minutes to shamelessly stare at forties Christine Baranski (I think we should all turn away from the birth of Jesus and instead count our years based on Christine Baranski's date of birth) in flamboyant nightgowns and short Christmas themed dresses, looking so fabulous that every interpreter of Santa Baby ever could only dream of it, I watch Love Actually at least five times a year to lust over Hugh Grant, cry with Emma Thompson and miss Alan Rickman, I enjoy Bridget Jones, which I would definitely consider a Christmas movie, and that's it. That's my yearly Christmas time entertainment routine and I can barely tolerate anything beyond, because I'm still traumatised from the time when I was around five years old and on a holiday family visit where had to sit through National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, the dumbest movie I have ever seen (my apologies if you like it but also, who hurt you?), with my cousins. I hated it. I hated every minute of it. And it scarred me for life.
But this was a Christine Baranski movie, I knew she was going to play the lead and so I was pretty much as excited about this as I could. And the fact that Dolly Parton wrote the whole thing didn't hurt either. As I said earlier to my friend I was watching it with, I have the pop cultural taste of a fifty year old gay man, a quality I am most proud of, and this simply ticked off all my boxes.
I expected something similar to a Mamma Mia experience that wouldn't cause me to crave packing my bags, give Covid the finger and run off to Greece. Light-hearted entertainment, easy to stomach, uplifting music and so little plot that the simplicity feels like a creative choice. That's what my pained, hungover brain knew it could cope with and that's not what I got.
The movie started and I was immediately in the zone. I saw Christine Baranski's name in the front credits (an experience that never fails to make me scream "Yass Queen" at the screen, regardless of where I am and who I'm with, as if I'm the sobering result that pops out of the package when you order Jonathan Van Ness on Wish), the setting was wonderfully corny (I grew up watching Gilmore Girls once a week, so give me warm fairy lights and a gazebo and I'm perfectly happy) and as my friend wondered whether Dolly Parton, in her exaggerated homeless attire that didn't make her look shabby at all, was green-screened into the setting because she stood out so much (which she was because the background dancers were dancing in slow motion, but to be fair, we were probably still a little too drunk to notice that from the start) and I told her I thought that it was just the natural glow someone who's Dolly Parton simply carries with them everywhere they go, I was happy. This was the movie I was prepared for. A movie in which the most problematic thing would be stereotypical characters and the wig they hid Christine's real, flawlessly handmade by God herself hair under.
And then, around five minutes in, Christine Baranski's childhood love interest was revealed as she pressed her perfect pointy nose against the window of his shop and sang about her unrequited love.
And suddenly, things started taking turns at a pace I was still way too sleep-deprived for.
Suddenly, in the middle of my general amazement at seeing Christine Baranski do literally anything and laughing loud at her impeccable comedic delivery, there were unresolved daddy issues, hanging prominently at the wall in her marvellously designed house (she literally says "Daddy" at one point and I couldn't help but think that only someone with her vocal skills could keep from making it sound cringe-worthily kinky). One moment, I was clutching my chest above my heart while she was bonding with little bartender Violet and munching on pretzels while downing some whiskey in that elegant way only Christine Baranski can bond with ten year olds who had it rough, eat pretzels and down whiskey, and the next she felt responsible for said girl's mother's death (which she kinda was too, but I'm not the boss of her). I was still busy making fun of how the very annoyingly, but when you're snacking on pizza with extra cheese at nine in the morning also highly funny, slow talking pastor's name was Christian, and suddenly there was a cancer scare.
It was a lot, a hasty sprint from major issue to major issue with a hint of comedic relief every now and then, and it didn't get any less until the very, rather poorly resolved, end.
The entire, constant up and down was followed by the movie's peak of suspense, the near death of precious Violet, something I couldn't even get too invested in because I was still so busy worrying about Christine's MRT results (I was truly fucking worried), not to mention that I hadn't even started to really process the sudden revelation of the love child and how it had affected her character's actions until this point. Was her constant tendency of pushing people away, as we've seen most clearly with her angel in training assistant who's name I cannot recall right now, the result of her broken trust in her father who practically ripped her son away from her after she had just given birth to him? Was it a result of her never getting the closure she needed with plaid flannel wearing Carl she was clearly still in love with? Maybe both? And what of the many issues was it that made her so incredibly shaken up when Violet blamed herself for her mother's death? Was it 'just' due to the fact that the closed pharmacy was on her, or was there more to it? Was it because she had grown up without a mother herself? Or did I miss a major piece of information because I was momentarily distracted, dumbfoundedly staring at Christine's very blue eyes? No time to ponder on that, little Silverinia, because here comes unconscious Violet in an ambulance, WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO!
I'm not going to go in depth about what plot lines I thought were especially carelessly handled and why, real standouts were the sudden forgiveness towards her father who had still acted like a shitty asshole even though he might have had his reasons, because giving the baby up for adoption just wasn't his choice to make, and the fact that I kind of didn't buy how quickly Regina managed to forgive herself, especially for Violet's mother's passing, considering how deeply her tall, slim, dare I say angelic and entrancing figure was buried beneath the weight of all her issues. It felt rushed and incomplete, but that's as detailed as it gets because my major point is something else.
I think this movie made the great mistake of trying to be more than your average, flat, happy ending Christmas movie. I think no one involved thought it was possible to make it a big hit if the only real plot would've been great Dolly Parton music, fun ensemble dance choreographies, Christine Baranski's outstanding acting skills, fun settings and costumes and a redemption arch with as little plot as it could possibly take to make Christine likable to those who aren't already lost forever in the rabbit hole of being obsessed with her (poor fuckers, can't relate). They didn't notice that with the legends that were involved, they could've easily gone the Mamma Mia way. And I think that's why they tried to include heavier plot lines than most creators would've chosen, experiencing loss at an early age, struggling to find closure, dealing with sickness, teenage pregnancy, parents forcing their choices on their children when they affect their childrens' lives first, adoption, and the fear of losing your kid.
It was a lot and I don't want to say that it didn't work because my friend was crying, like, pretty hard and I questioned my entire existence all through the movie in not the worst way, and I did enjoy it a lot while watching. The "grief is love with nowhere to go" line was a real standout, for example, where the attempt of complexity DID work. It positively gave me fleabag season two, "I don't know what to do with it now, with all the love I have for her." - "I'll take it. It sounds lovely. You have to give it to me." feels, and that's about the biggest praise I can come up with. BUT (and this is written in capital letters because it's the big but) I'm also totally convinced that I wouldn't have enjoyed it if they hadn't cast Christine Baranski for the lead role. In my humble opinion, the hasty, not really at all resolved plot of this movie only worked because Christine Baranski is just a fantastic actress. She quirks a mocking eyebrow and you laugh. She parts her perfectly painted red lips and you immediately hang on them because you don't want to miss a single breath she, a literal goddess, graces us mere peasants of people with. She smiles and you're happy. She laughs and even while she's still laughing, you can't wait to hear her do it again. Her eyes fill with tears and you feel goosebumps on your arms, her voice slightly trembles, a breath hitches in her throat and you feel your heart shattering to pieces. As Chuck Lorre once said, this woman could read you the phone book and you would end up laughing tears because she just gets the job done. She knows what she's doing, she's an absolute pro in her game, and it doesn't matter, not even a little bit, what she's working with, because the work she eventually delivers with it is always at a minimum of 200%. I forced my friend to watch this movie with me because I adore this woman, and I felt for this movie because I felt for her. It wasn't the plot that sadly brutally overestimated itself, it wasn't the songs that I obviously enjoyed, nor the comedic elements that truly made me laugh a lot, it was all her. I came for Baranski, and I stayed for Baranski. This woman can do anything. She can even look graceful in a terrible wig job.
(side note / unpopular opinion: I actually didn't think the wig was all too bad. It wasn't good, actually far from good, but for me, nothing can match the awful wig game of Mamma Mia 2. I loathed that wig, I absolutely cannot stand it. So this didn't feel all that terrible. It definitely wasn't the most problematic part about the movie.)
I enjoyed watching this. It was a nice distraction from all the bullshit in the world. Watching it today was the first thing this year that actually brought me something close to excitement about the holiday season, even though everything will be very different and probably not quite as jolly this year. But it just gave me good vibes and as someone who did not watch this as a film reviewer, that's the biggest part of what leads me to enjoy a movie.
Will I watch this again? For sure. Will I enjoy it when I'm not hungover, having freshly done nails and munching delicious pizza for breakfast? Probably not as much, but it'll still have Christine Baranski in it. Would I recommend watching this? If you share my obsession with Queen B, one hundo. If you don't, probably not.
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Deliverance| A Werewolf Shawn AU
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Part One
The woods had always been a place of comfort for me... A place to escape the madness of my life of serenity. of course I'd heard the stories of vicious wolves who roamed the darkness waiting to prey on the innocent,but I always put it down to stories, gossip, folklore designed to stop kids from venturing too far. That was until the day I was taken.
A rogue pack had taken me as their personal toy, all the anger and frustration they felt was taken out on me. It was a good day if I got a bit of stale bread, and only one beating. On bad days there would be no food and constant, torturous abuse.
I had endured it for 13 year, my small body the reflection of years of malnutrition and hurt,.but I'd finally escaped.
I had bid my time, waiting till they made an inevitable error, and it had finally happend. One of the younger wolves had forgotten to check the padlock when they'd had their fun with me and I'd seized the opportunity and run as fast as I could. but I wasn't fast enough. The alarm had been sounded and there were now several wolves hot on my heels and I could run no further I had to accept my fate. He was less than a metre away from me when our of nowhere another wolf - russet in colour intercepted him in mid air, knocking him over with the force of an elephant. I could hear the snarling and snapping of jaws as I finally collapsed and
surrendered, the last thing I remember was a tall young man walking towards me .
When I woke it was to a mass of activity.
I drifted in and out of sleep, hearing people talking.feeling hands on me, there was even something about the alpha wanting to see 'her', and a.'mate' and something else about ' killing the pack that did this'.. What that meant I couldn't know in my delirium.
When I managed to finally open my eyes and get past the blindly bright light above me, I was met with the image of a man-pacing back land forth, muttering to himself. And the more immediate threat of someone fiddling with the sheet that lay over me.
Surely with a man this good looking, this close to me it had to be a dream, I tried to convince .myself, but someone shattered the dream almost as soon as is materialised.
"Well hello sweetheart, I'm glad to see you're finally awake," the voice came from that of and older woman with long greying hair braided out of her face "My name's Judy, I'm your nurse," she smiled down at me. "Are you in any pain?" She asked.
I took a moment to take everything in, but I was still unable to make sense of it all.
"Where am I?" I asked, trying to sit up, but everything protested as soon as I moved, even muscles I didn't know I had.
"Just stay still for now dear, you don't want to hurt yourself further," the nurse-Judy spoke kindly, helping me to resettle myself.
Something, maybe me speaking seemed to wake the man from his trance like state and he turned to meet my confused gaze.
He was tall, he had to be at least 6 foot, with sliflghtly tanned skin, the most rich brown eyes I'd ever seen, and hair that was neatly cut, except for a few unruly curls at the front of his head which didn't want to co-operate with the hair gel he'd obviously used to style it.
"Oh,oh thank God." the man rushed over to the side of the bed stopping mere inches from my face.
I could feel my heart rate picking up as panic set in, not used to people (let alone males) being this close without hurting me.
I turned to Judy asking desperately with my eyes for help
She must have got the memo because she cleared her throat and spoke.
She seemed somewhat hesitant though "Alpha, I don't mean to overstep my boundaries, I know you must be worried sick as we all are, however would it not be prudent to give the girl some space?"
The man searched my face for a moment, before straightening and stepping backwards.
"I didn't mean to scare you," he muttered guiltily.
"You didn't," I lied before I could think about it.
"My name's Shawn what's yours?" he asked holding his hand out for me to take.
I kept my mouth shut, years of torture telling me to keep quiet. He dropped his extended up so it was back at his side.
"Alrighty then, when you're ready. I won't push you." He spoke, it seemed as though he was trying deliberately to keep his tone, soft, conversational and I appreciated it.
At that moment the doctor walked in. "It's good to see you awake Miss," he spoke echoing Judy's words.
"I'm sorry to say you're quite banged up." Shawn started pacing again at his words.
"
I would have sworn I heard a growl.
"Shawn you have to stay calm," Judy spoke, it sounded almost as if she was trying to comfort him, confusing me further.
Once the doctor left Shawn calmed down, having dragging a chair from outside my room to sit beside my bed.
"I heard something about killing another pack?" I asked weighing my words cafefully. "So are you all wolves too?"
"Yes, honey, but I promise you're safe here," he replied softly, looking over at me. I looked down again, not able to take the human interaction.
"Everytime I look at you, you look down. Why is that?"he asked, sounding sad.
" I didn't mean to upset you," I panicked.Starting to pick at the I.V in my arm, it was something I always did when I was nervous, picking things, my skin, nails whatever seemed to help.
"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, I'm not mad," he cut me off. "I just mean I've noticed it is all," he lay a hand carefully on my arm and surprisingly the contact helped.
"I don't know," I pondered, distracted by his touch. There was a weird, warm feeling flowing from the point of contact straight up to my chest, not dissimilar to when your hands or feet go numb and then start to respond again. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange. "I guess, I'm not used to positive human contact," I admitted, looking up to see him shaking his head.
"Are you the Alpha?" I asked suddenly. He looked at me, surprise washing over his face at the boldness of my question.
"Yes, I am," he spoke proudly. "Of the Shadowmoon Pack, greatest pack in all of Canada if you ask me," he smiled.
I liked the way he was so confident. It made me feel safe and secure. A few more hours past with us sitting in a comfortable silence, I couldn't help but feel safe around him, and as foreign as the feeling was, I also craved it.
"Are you ready to go home now Poppet?" Judy ssekd, making her way into my room again sometime later and starting to mess around with the I.V tubing.
I looked at her panicked.
"Home?" I squeeked. Surely they weren't really going to send me home. It wasn't a home where I'd come from it was a hell, my own personal hell and I'd be damned if I was going back.
Shawn seemed to noticed my emotions and stepped forward, slowly holding his arms out, and instead of backing away as I had done earlier,I surprised us both and stepped into his hold.
He was warm and comfortable, our bodies seemed to fit perfectly,denim of his jacket just scratchy enough and the now semi familiar tingling from our contact pleasant enough to ground me somewhat. I stayed like that for a minute or so before I became a little more aware of what I was doing. I was hugging a near stranger,worse he was a male, worse again Ii was actually lettung myself like it.
Sorry, I blushed, stepoing away quicky and looking down.
"You don't need to apologise," he smiled.
"What was the tingling I felt" I asked wanting to change the subject.
"That is what you get when two mates make contact" He smiled wider than I had ever seen a person smile, his fangs being exposed in the process.
I stood, silently, shocked.
"Are you okay" He asked moving to step towards me, I held a hand up and he halted midstride.
"I promise you. We'll take things slowly, right now I just want to get you home- to our home," he amended when he saw the look of panic in my face. "So you can rest."
I nodded. Still not entirely comfortable, but what other choice did I have? Go back to the pack that had tortured me all these years, or even end up homeless on the street? And from everything I'd seen Shawn seemed like a genuinely nice person, who everyone respected. Plus,if he was telling the truth, which from heat I could tell, he was, he was my mate and from all the stories I'd heard as a child, your mate was meant to be the one person in the world who would do anything for you, be anywhere for you. They would literally protect you with their lives.
"Shawn I don't have anything to wear," I whispered embarrassed again, looking down at the gown which barely covered anything as Judy finally finished what she was doing in the corner of he room having taken out my I.V. and left.
"I brought you some clothes, don't worry," he smiled.Pullnig out the most comfortable pale pink sweater I'd ever seen, he handed it to me and I was hit with his scent.
"This is yours?"
",Is that okay?" he worried. " I could go home and get something from one of the girls if you're uncomfortable," he offered.
I just smiled,letting out a little giggle at the extreme level of concern he was showing, which caused him to immediately relax l, shoulders dropping, a slight smile gracing his lips as he shook his head softly.
"Can you turn around please?" I requested. He did as asked giving the privacy I so desperately craved.
When I was finished he took my hand, holding his other under my elbow to support my weight.
He was so patient, never rushing me as he lead me through the hospital and out the doors into the world. I couldn't help but savour the fresh air,the cold winter air burning my lungs but in a good way.
"I bet it feels nice to be outside again,"
I nodded, "How did you find me" I asked, as we continued to walk. It was as if now that I was free my mind could finally ask questions and process all the stuff I had never done previously.
"That's a story for when you've had some more rest," he answered, coming to a stop in front of a Jeep, opening the door and lifting me in. The tingling was still a shock,l everytime he touched my skin.
"Feel free to sleep we've got a bit of a drive ahead of us" he smiled reassuringly, before turning the ignition,the car coming to life.
I woke to someone shaking me,it was dark now and I immediately jumped back in my seat, unsure, before my groggy eyes made contact with Shawn's and I realised where I was and relaxed.
"I won't hurt you, you're safe now Pup," he murmured, moving to brush some hair out of my face with a feather-light touch. I blushed at the nickname."I was just waking you because we're here, this is home" I took in the house illuminated by lights in complete awe.
"So you're an Alpha and you don't hurt humans?" I asked as he helped me cafefully from he car.
"You're not human, you're an omega, but no I have nothing against humans," he added, holding me steady as I swayed on my feet slightly, not used to standing anymore.
I stood stunned again," I know it's a lot to take in, but we'll get to all of that, for now though, you need rest.
We made our way through the house in silence, I could hear other voices, yet we never came across anyone.
"This is my room," he spoke, shifting his grip on me slightly to open the door.
The room was large with huge french doors leading out to a balcony overlooking a big yard and a lake, soft- what looked like silk curtains framing the windows, a guitar sat in one corner a futon in the other. There was a record player in the corner, playing a soft melody which filled the space, creating a warm inviting feeling. In the centre of the room was the biggest bed I had ever seen.
It had several large cushions on it and a duvet cover that looked like it would feel like laying on clouds. Just this bed was bigger than he cell I'd been forced to spend so many years in,I thought with a shudder.
"This is your room?I stumbled over my words.
"Well I'm hoping it will be our room actually." Shawn spoke, scratching at his neck.
I turned panicked. "But only when you're comfortable I'm not about to force you into anything I promise."
He held his pinkie finger out, and I just looked at it unsure of what he wanted.
"Here," he smiled, taking my hand and locking my own little finger with his. "This is called a pinkie promise. It's like a pact that you don't break," he explained with a smile.
"Oh,I guess, I must have forgotten." I felt extremely stupid and shit up quickly, the only sound that of the record player still in the corner. I found it so comforting, my own father had had one when I was little and I could remember watching the record and needle spin for hours.
"There's a room adjacent to mine which I've had the maids freshen up, there's a comfortable bed and an ensuite with fresh towels and a toothbrush." he continued as if there wasn't just a massive awkward silence emitting solely from my lack of understanding.
He turned leading me back out and across the hallway to another door. When he opened it, I saw a room, smaller than his, but still warm and cosy, with a big bed, a window, lots of pretty lights and yet more records, this time hung in the wall.
"You didn't need to do this for me," I told him, as I took it all in.
"I wanted you to be comfortable," he shrugged.
He lead me back to his room where he sat down on the bed, kicking his shoes off and patting the spot next to him.
"How long was I out" I asked after a minute. He got what I meant immediately.
"Three days," he answered somberly.
"How are you feeling? he asked.
"Still very sore," I admitted.
"Here let me see your injuries." he reached over picking up a box of what I soon realised was full of first aid stuff.
He was extremely gentle as he tended to he cuts and scrapes that covered my shoulders, arms,and legs. He even managed to convince me to let him check my ribs. This I found uncomfortsbly and awkward once again, but he was careful not to make it any worse than it had to be and he had rewrapped them quicky and easily.
"How do you know how to do all this?" I asked quietly as he gently dabbed at a cut on my hand. "We'll I'm actually a trained doctor. When I'm not working as the Alpha, I work at the pack hospital. There all done," he announced,packing up the box and disposing of he rubbish in a small medical waste tin.
Half an hour later and I'd gotten changed, again into one of Shawn's oversized hoodies and made myself comfortable in his bed after he insisted I stay in his room incase I needed him.
"Sleep well, Pup, I'll be here if you need me."
He went to lounge on the futon, and I was left to drift to sleep, exhausted by the day's events. My sleep was fitful to satly the least, dreams bad nightmares melding to form weird and wonderful scenarios which would never make sense.
When I woke, it was to a soft knock on the door. Opening my eyes, I could see that it was still slightly light out, though dinner than it had been, probably somewhere around dusk. A girl with dark hair, dark eyes and a kind smile stepped tenntively into the room.
"My name's Karla. Im in the pack. It's nice to meet you," she added warmly. "Shawn's had to go deal with some pack matters so he asked me to come keep you company. I brought you some food. He said you might be hungry." She held out what looked like a croisant, the smell of butter instantly filling the room."I also brought a hair brush," she added. "I thought you might like to brush your hair, I know that always makes me feel better. Or I could do it?" she added again, shyly.
"Thank you."I whispered, my voice still hoarse.
The girl, Karla, came to sit on the bed. She had to be the same age as me. Maybe a year or two older.
"I hope the pack meeting doesn't go too long," she said as I started picking at my croisant. "Shawn won't want to be away from you, it's hard to be away from our mates." She looked dreamy as she spoke, leaving no question that she too had a mate.
"I'm nervous to meet everyone," I admitted with a frown, suddenly not hungry anymore.
"Aww, don't worry everyone will love you," she smiled. "We've all been waiting for ages for him to meet his mate and you're finally here." she clapped in excitement, breaking E and forcing me to smile just as Shawn came through the door with another soft knock.
"Ahhh, I see you've meet Karla," he smiled, raising his eyebrow a little bit. " I hope she's been telling you good things."
"Yep, what were you doing" I asked watching as he took his deniem jacket off- the same one from earlier and chucked it onto the futon, coming to sit next to me on the bed, careful not to invade my personal space.
"Are you comfortable?" he asked watching as I pulled the crosiant to pieces no longer interested by the food, now that I had him here.
"I'm alright," I shrugged.
He nodded, and we lapsed into yet another comfortable quiet.
It was only then that I realised Karla had left the room, she must have excused herself, seeing that she was no longer needed and didn't feel the need to encroach.The hairbrush however was still laying on the bed.
"I just want you to know," he spoke, breaking the silence after a while, "that no matter what happeneds you'll be safe here. I'll protect you with my life, it's my job both as your Alpha and as your mate," he spoke earnestly.
He was looking at me with such an intensity as he spoke that something broke inside of me, and I cracked. "Lucy," I whispered looking down and away from his gaze.
"What?" I could here the confusion in his voice.
"Lucy, my name, my name is Lucy." I spoke more clearly this time, though I still couldn't bring myself to look at him.
"Lucy, that's a pretty name," he murmured. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was reaching for me, and as much as I wanted to move, my body was frozen whether in fear or anticipation I couldn't know, but the next thing I knew both his hands were cupping my face. He was so gentle, almost as if he thought I would break. I looked up at him, once again taken aback by the intensity of his stare.
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks.
"You're so pretty when you blush," he smiled, caressing my cheek.
"Please don't compliment me, I don't deserve it, I'm ugly," I repeated the words my captors had drilled into me for so many years.
"You, Lucy," he put emphasis on my name. "are anything but ugly. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out."
"How can you say that?" I replied.
"Because, I can feel it Lucy, right here," he took my hand in his and placed it over his chest where I could feel his heart beat strong and sure. "I've been waiting for you my entire life. And now that I have you, it's my job, my honour to protect you with my life," he explained fiercly.
"Thank you," I chocked out, tears welling in my eyes.Leaning into his frame just slightly despite myself and my fears.
"No pup, thank you."
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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years
Text
9:12pm, life is a mess, as always, so here I am to let yall know about it.
Wednesday, January 29th of 2020.
Sigh.
So....
I just learned my mom is giving away ine of my cats tomorrow. She's my favorite cat, and literally had been there for me to comfort me whenever I sobbed around the house all alone by myself. And that time I considered killing myself when my great ex, Patrick #1, left for college, rendering me alone and friendless..... She was there, and her rubbing her cute furry face on my ankles and swirling her tail around my legs were the only thing to fucking stop me. Nothing else did.... I love Klay, everyone knows that. When she finally returned home after an entire month of being out the house, I literally sat at my doorstep sobbing my fucking eyes out at how scrawny she was, and how my favorute fat little gluttonous cat with the sleepy eyes turned so dirty and skinny and half dead looking.... I really pray that she finds a great new owner. ASPCA kills animals, so I really dont want such a sweet, and now finally healthy, cat to fall victim to this terrible fate. I wish theres more I could do, but I don't even know.....
Just feeling a bit off. I made a post online somewhere to make new friends in the area.... Suddenly getting cold feet at the responses. Probably since most of the people are over 25, and..... Yeah, what am I gonna have in common with an almost 30 year old? And one person I felt I could really click with didn't reply.... A bit bummed at that.
I paid FIFTY DOLLARS FOR ART SUPPLIES at the art store, just for the alarm to still ring when I left out???? I panicked and deadass just walked out. No one had chased me. BUT BITCH! turns out someone left an electronic tag on my markers..... FUCKER. I COULDVE JUST STOLE THE DAMN MARKERS AND KEPT MY FIFTY BUCKS IF I COULD PURCHASE EVERY ITEM AND STILL LOOK GUILTY AS FUCK EITHER WAY?????? BITCH????? karma is gonna reap that store i swear to god
The depressing amount of phone numbers in my contacts list that wouldnt reply to me even if i messaged them...... greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.
No comment about my ex, so far. At least there is that.
...
Also, the coronavirus! Apparently a plane from Wuhan landed in SF..... AND NO ONE COVERS THEIR FUCKING MOUTH WHEN THEY COUGH IN SAN FRANCISCO, EVERY SURFACE IS STICKY, NO ONE WASHES THEIR FUCKING HANDS, PEOPLE DEADASS WILL WIPE THEIR NOSE THEN SHAKE HANDS WITH SOMEONE TWO SECONDS LATER......
Cool? I'm gonna quarantine. Yall aint gone hear from me. Fuck yall niggas, im drinking nothing but spring water and Lysol, until the plague finally kills the nasty ones, and then capitalism ends, since more people dying than the ones able to work.
I feel bad for nobody but the homeless, and the poor good hearted hygenic people caught in the crossfires; anyone else can choke on shit. (Is this offensive to say? I'm literally saying that people with bad souls and who refuse to care about if their germs reach other people are shitheads, anyone else is a good person who i genuinely hope will turn out okay.)
WHY IS THERE GONNA BE A PLAGUE? FUCK.
okay, anyway.
Good news:
My boss, (now ex-boss, since it was a temp job,) planned to get pedicures this weekend! I'm always open to new friendships! I've got no other choice but to socialize either way, since staring at walls or a phone screen? Is depressing! Getting dolled up with another cool human being? Hella nice! Can't wait to tell her all the shit that I avoided in order to prevent getting fired before!
I met a few good people online either way! One likes Junji Ito, another is actually my age and wants to grab a bite around the city. Feels good to have options. Plus to be honest, if anyone does end up romantic, then itll be dope having someone to spend V-Day with. (It doesnt have to be a capitalist holiday, i see it as a good holiday to simply soend time with someone.... Then again, i usually think, "FUCK, WHAT IS A GOOD DISPLAY OF MY AFFECTIONS?", and have a tendency to overwhelm people with surprises sometimes.... Its a cute holiday and an excuse to give my favorite people some candy or flowers, a 50 cent Honey Bun, or some 99 cent jewelry that i can pass off as more expensive than it actually was..... what's wrong with that? Its so cute as a concept.)
Actually having money again feels so gooood. I keep blowing money on food and ubers, but alas, apparently thats much better than starving and taking a bus thats riddled with piss. I got to buy some SEXY ASS body washes that make me smell good effortlessly... some SEXY ASS body highlighters and shimmer powders.... hella face masks and some facial wipes that instantly made my skin go from 0/10 to 10000/10. Like???? i wanna make out with myself. i also got some body scrubs, like.... yall..... oh my god yall dont even know--
I really am a great person, and that feels nice, man. :) both emotionally and physically! mainly physically, but i am healing from my past and slowly but definitely getting noticeable progress for my health in terms of emotions and stuff for now.
I feel good so far.
Plus, funny how i quite literally stumble into my friendships, very often. Its never being introduced to someone, its me deciding "hey fucker im dm sliding you at 2am, i love your memes and your hair, are you up?"
Or a "i just showed up to this party, checked out the location tag for the spot on instagram, and followed every motherfucker thats at the same party tonight. I definitely do not know you, but i mean, hey! Look at my memes, stories, and photos. See if theyre chill. Then dm slide me!"
Hell, even how I met Patrick #2 is unusual as fuck, the FULL story, including how i knew one of his mutual friends somehow.... buuuut, life isnt that simple bro.
....
Now that i think about it, how did i even meet this guy? I dont know how i found his account at all. I was even thinking "didnt I meet him through Audrey?", but.... i still dont think so?????? Somehow he knows one of my mutuals, idk????????????
But, i trust that he is not an FBI agent that had planned for years to finally get involved with my life, with a fake persona. (I havent done any crimes yet for him to need to do so, but i mean, a backstory like that would explain why he still wanted to be around me, even through shitty times before.... Extremely tolerant and patient dude. He would make a pretty good lawyer, if he ever learns how to raise his voice up some day.)
.....
Cute guy. A shame shit didnt work out. But i like reminiscing on the moments had between us.
Sadly our bad memories are sticking. Moreso the two separate nights that things got... complicated. He looked good on both of those nights. He's got a real nerdy look to him? Its oddly hot. I dunno how to explain why i find him attractive to people who like aggressive or rowdy dudes.
But he's just ridiculously pretty for a dude? Handsome men are okay, and easy to get over. But a PRETTY BOY? THAT IS SO HARD. Especially when they got the nice skin and the eyes and the nice red lips???? Shiny hair???? Mans is cute.
(This applies to more than one ex, tbh.)
The big difference between a pretty boy and a generically attractive man is that you can find a lot more generic men, but rarely any pretty boys.
Like how you can find a million Machine Gun Kellys or Modern Day Justin Biebers, on the side of traffic or stealing from gas stations, but whens the next time the world will see a young/old Johnny Depp? A Timothee Chalamet? A young Leonardo Dicaprio? A YOUNG Justin Bieber? (I would say "an age appropriate Finn Wolfhard," but idk if thats considered creepy or not.... but im saying in a completely non-predatory way.... dude is adorable, honestly.)
The difference between a generic man and a pretty boy, is that the pretty boy is a lot more unique. Since out of hoards of men with unwashed asses and shitty styles, the Pretty Boy is out here with half decent hygiene, (sometimes,) and looking effortlessly attractive? Like a whole fairytale character. Or like a Disney Prince Charming... or a Disney Princess. (Matty looked like he could've been a prince, nigga was GORGEOUS, i swear to fucking god.... GOD, wow.)
A normal man is eh. A pretty boy can snatch your soul and hand deliver it to hell in a ribbon tied handbasket.
And I've dated ridiculously pretty men. Adrian was a cross between "handsome" and "pretty", but he leaned towards pretty. Literally gorgeous. Z*ck #2 was so stunning, i loved their face dude. Patrick #1.... hes both, but he definitely had gorgeous eyes and skin, and trust me, he was one of the most amazing men to be with.
And Patrick #2 is a pretty boy. And, self-aware, too. He's told me before about how hes definitely had people interested in him, but not knowing how to approach them, or flirt back...
And when we had our first breakup, he got tons of matches, (since hes fine as fuck,) but most conversations died at a "How are you?", or "So, what are your interests?", and got unmatched pretty quickly.
...... Even though I was a little pleased he hadnt moved on, it was like.... "Damn, bro, im so sorry to hear that." (Even I had options.... Not great ones. But, even i got to see almost two people before....)
Patrick even told me on our most recent walk around the cemetery a few weeks back, that he saw himself as having the "face of Adonis"..... okay, hoe.
He was kidding, but its not like it was a lie even if he had been serious. Mans has a seriously nice face. Even on that day, at some point his glasses straight up crumbled, and having direct eye contact with those blue ass eyes was WAY too much. I think I went into a coughing fit? or something.
He's definitely someone I think I'm over, until that direct eye contact hits, then suddenly look at who starts blushing or trying to hide their face? Me, bitch. God. Nigga just HAD to have super light and bright blue eyes? The universe went "make this bitch suffer if she ever cant fuck him again".
And thus, i suffer.
But anyway.
He's a really pretty dude, with nice skin, teeth, eyes, lips, and hair. And a pretty dope nose, since I dig people who have big ass noses. And idk, i guess i dig the mildly grungey, yet still colorful, and lowkey thing he always had goin on.
Felt good meeting someone I had a lot in common with. :)
Sad to know that even on our worst nights, I still kinda had to not look at him. Since.... Yeah, I'd either cry, or instantly want to fuck. And if you're in the middle of explaining to your ex why you had felt betrayed, you gotta avoid saying, "Hey Patrick, do you want to fuck?" (That method doesnt work on EVERYONE, only the select few people with serious issues ive met.)
Whatever.
I just dislike that even on days where I felt absolutely disgusted by him, I could still go, "But, he's still really cute. Damn, look at HIM", and have my pussy throb if i looked at him for too long.
......
He's hot and he knows it. We stan a self aware king. But still, i gottaaaaa move on.
And nooooooot think about the specific smile or eyes he gave me before.
And nooooooot think about that time in the ki-
ALRIGHT BITCH THATS ENOUGH. My whole body feels overheated. I'm blaming it on my period. I'm gonna.... go to sleep soon. Peace out.
10:35pm, making friends and still constantly upgrading in life. Aaaaay. :)
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poklina · 7 years
Note
yes hello, little miss fantastico
um i fucking love u with all of my heart and sould udygsavosbp
this is kinda sorta what u asked for? idk i really like it i hope u do tooooo
hold me close and keep me safe --1.9k
All things considered, the mission had gone surprisingly well.
Of course, all things considered included several broken doors, 3 lost seraph blades, two vandalized food trucks, some very very confused homeless people, and a possessed-then-missing-now-dead dog.
But other than that? Absolutely flawless.
Jace, Alec, and Simon stumble out of the abandoned theme park that now smells very faintly of wet dog and burned popcorn, and immediately all stop to catch their breath.
"That was a disaster." Alec huffs out between deep breaths.
"Actually, I think that went pretty well." Jace says back, a devilish smile lighting up his face, "We killed the dog, didn't we? I'd say that's mission accomplished-"
"Yea, well if that's mission accomplished, I'd hate to see what it looks like when it's not." Simon breaks in, wheezing as he stretches up to lean against the rusting Ferris wheel.
"Oh, those missions are a lot more fun." Jace bites back.
"Enough. Let's get back to the Institute before anything else goes wrong." Alec says, and turns on his heel to start walking towards the gate where they came in. Simon jogs up beside him, and he can hear Jace doing the same.
"Can't we find someplace closer? The Institute is like, two hours away. Plus, I'm really tired, and when I get tired I get real chatty-"
"Fine," Alec snaps, "I know a place."
--
The walk to Magnus' is quiet, marked by only the occasional cab horn and emergency sirens. When they get there, Alec ushers them all in through the door, only to find Magnus standing in the front room, flipping through a book with a glass of something in his other hand.  As soon as Alec walked in, it seemed as if a 10 pound weight had been lifted from his shoulders, striding across the room to tuck his chin over Magnus' shoulder, even though they were nearly the same height.
"Alexander. What a pleasant surprise this evening." Magnus murmured, placing the book and the drink on the coffee table and sliding around to fit his hands against Alec's waist. It was a slow dance, neither one wanting to disturb the quiet calm that came with this evening, drawing closer together with Alec's forearms on Magnus' broad shoulders, hands tangling loosely around his neck.
"Well, we needed a place to crash for the night, and I've missed you today." He smiled into the embrace, pressing a small kiss to his temple.
"We?"
Simon coughed, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, face heating up. Magnus swiveled around, not detaching himself from Alec's waist, to land his eyes on the two standing awkwardly in front of the doors.
"Oh. Well, there's an extra room down the hall to your left," he said plainly, "there's only one bed, but that shouldn't be a problem, should it now?"
Jace sighed, "You can't like, snap your fingers and make another room, please?"
"Jonathan, I have had an extraordinarily long day, so you either sleep in the room I've provided, or on the street. Your choice." Magnus smiled smugly, and without a second glance pulled Alec into the next room and shut the door, the lock clicking with a firm sense of finality.
Simon and Jace stood in the breezeway in front of the door, not saying anything for a good 30 seconds until Simon cleared his throat.
"Um, well, I really don't need to sleep, so you can take the room."
"Are you sure? It's really okay, I'm not that tired anyway-"
"Jace, you look like you're about to fall asleep on your feet. It's fine. I'll be on the couch."
"Um, alright. Well, uh, goodnight then."
"Night, Jace."
With that, Jace started stumbling to the room, almost tripping over his feet with every other step. He made it to the small room, and without even taking off his shoes, fell on the bed and was asleep almost immediately.
Simon walked over to the couch and sat down heavily, feeling the exhaustion of chasing a demon possessed dog finally setting into his legs. He pulled out his phone to tell Clary that they were staying at Magnus' for the night before setting it aside. Stretching his arms out and yawning, he decided that a little cat nap wouldn't hurt him, before laying down and closing his eyes.
--
Simon woke up slowly, blearily blinking the sleep out of his eyes before grabbing his phone and checking the time. 2:30 am. You know, he thought, that's the one thing I really hate about being a vampire. The light in the apartment had slid from the warm blue of early evening to the cool black of early morning, and as he looked around, he couldn't hear much except for the occasional siren and pained sounds coming from down the hall-wait.
He stood up slowly, making sure that the noises weren't coming from Magnus' room lest he burst in on something he'd rather not see, and started slowly down the hall towards them. Towards Jace's room.
The door was ajar when he got there, and when he pushed it open, he saw Jace on the bed. His face was flushed bright red, a thin sheen of sweat shone on his face, and his hands twisted and grasped the sheets as small noises escaped from a face twisted up in fear.
As Simon stood in the doorway, he thought that this scene would be much more enjoyable if he was on top of him, slowly biting down his neck and listening to the vibrations those noises in Jace's chest-
Wait.
Simon flushed a bright red, which was impressive because he definitely couldn't blush anymore, and shook his head violently to jar it into a more rational train of thought.
Suddenly, Jace shot up from the bed, eyes wide with fear and chest heaving with exertion, as if he'd been running from something very, very large and very, very scary.
"Hey, hey, you're okay, it's fine." Simon jumped with the sudden movement and quickly walked over to Jace's side, though it appeared as if Jace hadn't heard him, as he was still staring at the wall opposite the bed as if someone was going to jump out and attack him. As Simon reached the edge, he could see even clearer how bad Jace was. His eyes were unfocused, and his whole body was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane.
Simon had no idea what to do, even as he took a seat on the edge of the bed and looked desperately at Jace, waiting for an idea to hit him, something, anything that could help right now. Jace was starting to calm down slowly, but not fast enough for Simon. So, he did the only thing that he thought would help. He thought of Clary, what she would do, closed his eyes and let his instincts guide him.
Apparently, they guided his hand to Jace's hair, brushing back the strand that had shaken loose during whatever nightmare he had experienced.
Immediately, he felt Jace relax into his hand, and Simon watched as his eyes fell shut and his breathing began to even out.
Simon feels that he's done enough at that point, so he goes to pull his hand away from Jace's hair, but he finds that he doesn't want to. It's almost like a magnet is keeping it tangled in Jace's sweat slicked hair. The longer he brushes through the strands, the less he finds that he wants to pull away.
He figures that if it's really bothering Jace, he'll pull his head away and that will be the end of that.
(Simon doesn't know it, but Jace is awake and he does not ever, ever want this to stop.)
So that is how they sit, with Simon running his hands through Jace's hair as he relaxes into the movement ever so slowly, ever so gently, almost like he's afraid of scaring Simon and breaking this quiet spell that Jace has wanted for so long.
Simon maneuvers them into a more comfortable position, where his back is against the headboard and Jace's head is resting on his chest, his hand continuing to play with his hair quietly.
Eventually, Jace falls back asleep like this, and Simon feels as his steady heartbeat slows. At this point, Simon knows that he should go back to the couch and try and forget that any of this ever happened, try and forget how this moment is making him feel and try to ignore the realization that is slowly creeping up on him like ice running up his veins.
But Jace is on his chest, and he doesn't want to wake him up, and frankly, Simon doesn't want to move either.
So there he sits. Hand in Jace's hair, and the slow realization that he is falling in love with his best friends brother resting heavy on his heart.
Simon knows that this should scare him. He's been in love with Clary for his entire life, but right now, the only thing he can think of is how nice it is to have Jace resting on his chest, and feel the soft stands of blonde hair slip through his fingers.
And that's how he falls asleep as well.
At some point in the night, Simon slips down from the sitting position into one where Jace is breathing slowly into the crook of his neck, his right hand curled around Jace's neck and still tangled in his hair, his other arm slung over his waist in an unconscious attempt to pull them even closer.
(They wake up at different times. Jace is first, and as he slowly comes to awareness the first thing he feels is safe. Slowly, he tilts his head up to watch Simon, his small movements and how his neck feels against his face. Jace wants to burrow in closer, wants to press kisses up and down this smooth column of skin in front of him, wants to stay here in this moment forever and ever, he wants and he wants and he wants so badly. But he knows he can't. So instead, he presses back into Simon's hand one last time before carefully sliding out of the loose grip and slips out of bed, making sure that there's no widows in the room before walking outside. But not until he looks back at the sleeping figure on the bed one last time, and thinks to himself that he hasn't had that good of a night since...well, since forever.)
(Then Simon wakes up, and he tells himself that he's not disappointed when he wakes up alone in a rapidly cooling bed. He tells himself that last night he was just tired, and he's not really in love with Jace, because who could ever love a monster like him?)
(However, Simon does allow himself to think that he misses the warm mass of Jace curled around him, and he misses the feeling of him in his arms, and the feeling of his hair in his fingers, and the feeling of the solid certain mass on his chest that his mind is steadily and quickly coming to remember as home.)
(But they don't talk about it.)
(God, do they want to.)
(But they don't.)
(They don't.)
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