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#Tw homophobia
groguspicklejar · 3 days
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i might say something that will offend you in this post because i may have certain misconceptions and stereotypes about the lgbtqia+ community that i'm probably unaware of. but hopefully, this comes off across from a good place and any offense taken was completely unintentional and i apologize in advance. these are my opinions and mine alone because this is what i've noticed so far in my 22 years of life on this wretched earth:
in african culture, when a woman gets married, the groom's family has to pay dowry. and when that woman dies, she will be buried with her husband's family's graveyard, instead of being buried in her family's graveyard.
now i knew the first part of that for a long time, but i didn't know the second part and i was horrified when i did because why would my husband's family want to keep me after i'm no longer of service to them? because that's what marriage is to me, that's how i see it. a transaction. in the current age of alpha pod cast bros, incels and the men in my own country being inherently misogynistic anytime i express myself in a way that challenges how they view women, i've come to the conclusion that marrying someone from my own culture would probably kill me in more ways than one.
it would kill me in the sense of me knowing that there's more to life than being reduced to an unpaid maid, surrogate, sex machine and other things that are physically, mentally and emotionally debilitating.
i'd asked an older woman (40s) from an african culture about this and she... tried to make it seem as though the dowry thing wasn't a transaction and more like the groom's family saying thank you to the bride's family for raising such an upstanding young lady for their son. which, in hindsight, was just her trying to dampen the severity of what was actually going on and i think she was trying to make me feel less apprehensive about the idea of marriage, fully knowing that it will always, always, always put women at a disadvantage in some way, shape or form.
she, herself, is married. has been for over 20 years now. and she's someone close to me, someone who i regard very highly.
but for her to... i don't wanna say lie about the dowry thing because i feel like she has a different opinion than mine, but the way she looked at me when i asked her about it makes me aware that it's a sensitive issue and she didn't want to frighten me so the only way to do that was to not tell the truth.
and that lowkey makes me trust her less now, which hurts because i really do value her opinion on things. because i want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, no matter how brutal it is, if i'm going to make an informed decision about certain things that might alter the course of my entire life.
anyway, dowry, husband's family claws to you, even after death. terrifying thought. my point is that in whatever cultures i hear about, whatever cultures i come across, there's always going to be a woman being exploited somehow. whether she's bought, sold or abused by someone close to her so that the men can benefit from it, there's always going to be that element to some degree and i think as women, especially, the younger generation, need to be made aware of it.
which then brings me to another issue that i now have to face because of this, which is the subject of my asexuality because it directly contradicts everything there is about being a woman in my particular culture. especially the part where it involves sex. and those of you from ethnic cultures and are part of the lgbtqia+ community know this struggle. it may vary from the gays, to the lesbians, to the bisexuals, to the transgenders, nonbinaries and so forth, but the different struggles we all face are connected by the same things and that's the horrifying and intricate beauty of the patriarchy and white supremacy.
what do i mean by this? the main point of all this is that sexual intercourse is a tool used to obtain and maintain power in a heterosexual relationship. and anyone who does not fall in a heterosexual relationship is seen as not normal or a threat or something negative.
let's take a gay relationship, for instance. perhaps there's two men in a relationship. since there isn't a woman in the equation, society sees it as wrong. society sees it as a threat to the heterosexual, patriarchal structure that has been built. why? since there isn't a woman in the equation that needs to fulfil the role of being subjugated and exploited in some way.
same with lesbian relationships, but it's slightly different in the sense of there isn't a man in the equation to do the exploiting. just two women existing in a relationship, no man involved as the center of attention, no man that needs his every desire to be catered to.
i feel like lesbians are the luckiest people because they don't have to deal with men the way straight women, gay men and other people do and it just goes to show that sexuality really isn't a choice. if it was, i'd chose not to be attracted to men.
with a bisexual, you're pressured to "pick a side" because being attracted to more than one gender, according to society, is also wrong. also, just because you're in a relationship with someone of one sex, doesn't mean you're still not attracted someone of another sex. not sure if this applies to pansexuals as well, but i think it does.
if it's a nonbinary person or gender neutral, also a problem because not conforming to one specific gender, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel or how it really is not something you can truly identify with.
transgender: transitioning from one gender to the other. also a problem, according to society because apparently it's wrong to identify with something you're not born as?? if i'm putting it lightly and in the simplest terms that i understand it. adding to that, society sees it as a problem because transgender men (or anyone who wasn't born a woman) carrying children and transgender women not having children is not what the patriarchy is about, therefore it is a threat to it because of how non-traditional it is. that and so much more regarding being transgender, it's a huge threat to the system(s) put in place and i think that's why they're at a higher risk of being physically put in harm's way which is frightening to think about.
asexual: since you're not attracted to anyone or don't want to have sex with anyone, you're a problem to society because you are that much harder to exploit if you aren't in a relationship with a man. because you're either "too picky" (code for; your standards are too high and i can't step up my game to reach them) or "you're sick and need to see a doctor" (code for; i can't seem to change your mind and neither have countless others, so i can't seem to find a way to force you to be in a relationship with me therefore my only other option is to make you feel like you're weird for not allowing that) or "you'll meet the right one" (you'll meet that one person who will finally get under your skin enough to sink their teeth in and use you the way they want to) or any other phrase the average asexual has heard.
like all of these things centered around men and men's desire for sex, for marriage, for children.
still, even if i wasn't asexual, even if i was just another straight woman, it wouldn't have made that much of a difference (if any at all) because i still stand firm in my belief that marriage was built as a transaction, as away to suppress and oppress women's voices and autonomy because the world i live in has not changed its ways regarding how daughters, wives and mothers are treated in households that are apprently supposed to protect them.
maybe my opinion might change when i'm older. maybe that's when men stop acting like complete monsters to us. maybe i might find that one guy who isn't as monstrous as the rest and even then, i'll still question if i'd want to be vulnerable enough to willingly legally bind myself to him and him to me. and if i do want that, then fine. so be it.
but as of right now and always? having kids? out of the question. married or not, i am not having a child for one reason or the next. i've seen myself around children, okay? i don't like the person i become when a kid pushes my boundary. i don't like having to suddenly question the morality of smacking a kid and telling them to shut up before i do something worse. and i can barely remember to eat and i hate cooking on a regular basis, the mere concept of feeding someone else at regular intervals so they grow up healthy is mentally exhausting, on top of doing countless other things to make sure that they grow up to be functional adults.
all of that is required as a woman, especially in my culture. i'm expected to get married and have kids at some point in my young adult life. but i don't know if i have it in me for even one of those things and i'm damn sure that i don't want the other.
the african woman i spoke of, i worry for her because when she dies probably maybe 3-4 decades from now because she's still in her 40s godwilling, her children will have to advocate for her when she can't, they will have to stand 10 toes down and demand that she be buried with the family she grew up in because that's what she said she wanted and not the family she married into. and i know they will because they love her too much not to grant her that final wish and let any cultural practice to get in the way of her last moments of happiness.
anyway, that's all i had to say.
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Tw homophobia, rep erasure
God so my friend just sent me this fanfic they found on fanfiction.net where Raj “discovers” he’s bisexual and dumps Bowie for Scary girl. The fic’s author already spams the TD section on fanfiction.net with some really poorly written garbage fanfics but this is just a new low. I read it just to see how bad it was and like I understand that representation for bisexuality is important, getting a confirmed bi character would be nice and people who previously thought they were gay figuring out that they’re bi with time is a thing that happens often but like it’s pretty clear this fic was made with the intent of “oh I wanna ship raj with female characters so I’m just gonna make some lazily written fic where he ‘discovers’ he’s not actually gay.” First that bowlia twitter art and now this shit, why is it so hard for people to not ship the literally 2 out of 103 TD characters who have been confirmed to be exclusively attracted to men with women????
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Tw I think there's a hint of aphobia somewhere down this ask
But tldr :Hello arospec gang. I found specific orientations within the aro spectrum and they are on point. I like to use multiple of them, is that normal or okay?
Lo and behold below is the unabridged version:
Anyways. I, on the most unfortunate of fates, realized I was aromantic right after I got into a romantic relationship. It's very recent, but the identity clicked with me almost instantly. The more I read and dig about it, the more I find myself thinking, wow, this is so me.
Eventually, after doing more digging I came across different orientations under the wide range of the arospectrum. And I relate with more than one of these.
The problem though is that when I did come across some sort of info graphic thingy that included the most flags in it, the comments (reddit) were kinda dismissive of these labels. Anyway some comments (and the comments are coming from aros and aces alike) are complaining about the micro labels being too specific and unnecessary. I think they're wrong because, for me, finding these specific orientations and learning how my experience isn't an isolated case is definitely a necessity. If not for these specific arospec orientations, I'd probably still think that I'm alone.
Anyways the question though, is that am I the only one who could relate to multiple of these arospec identities? Like I could specifically relate to, alloaro/aroallo, frayromantic, lithromantic. So that's three. And counting.
While I do identify as those, I still use the term aromantic as a catch-all term to explain myself to my friends (much like in a defensive fashion, because they think I'm monstrous for having limited romantic attraction). Then it dawned on me that I behaved just like the redditors who were roasting the specific aromantic orientations. So I'm rethinking my life decisions now and I guess I should, next time, use these terms even if most of my friends are proudly homophobic. Welcome to the brogrammer industry boys this place fucken sucks
Anyways sorry for the extremely looooonglonglong text thank you so much for your service
Ps the relationship that served as my aromantic awakening is a frozen dumpster fire. I literally can't do romance. Being affectionate with her under the friends label and role-playing as her favorite fictional men was way easier than when she admitted to having feelings for me instead of the fictional men. Like. Wait. That's illegal.
Of course you can use multiple microlabels!!! For example, I am aromantic, fictoromantic, and cupioromantic. It’s definitely normal and valid. microlabels are great for people who want to define how they feel more specifically, and don’t feel like the generic term quite fits them properly. I’m sorry to hear your relationship didn’t work out (unless you are happy about that, in which case, congratulations). Sometimes it’s best to ignore what other people think and just do what is right for you. remember you are valid, and no one should make you feel stupid for who you are :)
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not-alpharious · 6 months
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I really hope that when Space Marine II comes out they let you choose Titus’ pronouns just to fuck with this guy specifically
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phddyke · 2 months
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Hazbin Hotel is actually healing my inner ex-Christian so hard.
No joke, I nearly started cheering when Lute called Charlie and Vaggie’s love “vile and blasphemous” (and then burst out laughing when Adam immediately followed it up with “Hot as fuck though”). I know that may sound weird considering that I am, in fact, a lesbian, but here me out:
Seeing Christians being explicitly homophobic onscreen? It validates me. It makes me think “Oh yeah, I’m not crazy, Christians are that hateful!” And, call me crazy, but I think homophobia being tied in with villainy is a good thing. Neither Adam or Lute are supposed to be good people; they are very obviously the villain, and that establishes their behavior as bad. Someone on Twitter said that Lute gave them religious fanatic vibes and I couldn’t agree more.
And here’s the thing, too: it’s explicit homophobia, not some dumb metaphor. There’s no way to take it as anything else. And I really need that. I need to see Christians being explicitly homophobic onscreen in the same way that other people need and create worlds where homophobia doesn’t exist.
But me? I want my pain and suffering acknowledged. I want the harm that Christianity does acknowledged. Homophobia is real and the religious kind doubly so. I related to Vaggie so much in that episode; I felt her trepidation about going back to Heaven. Felt like a good metaphor for escaping a fundamentalist church only to be forced to visit again.
And Viv is not afraid to explicitly point this out and criticize them. Like, yes! Say it! They are hypocrites! They don’t care about people being better, they only care about punishment! They maimed one of their own and left her to die because she spared a child! They’re homophobic freaks! They would never see the good that Angel does and how he’s improved and is wonderful, they only see that he’s a drug addict and a sex worker and think he’s worthless for that even though Jesus broke bread with sex workers and people considered the dregs of society. (And of course Angel is gay on top of that.)
And another thing: not only did the Adam line make me laugh, but the second homophobic Lute line about “he blew his shot like the cocks in his mouth” cracked me up too. It reminded me of the pilot where Katie Killjoy said “I don’t touch the gays” to Charlie, which is a line that made me laugh for 4+ years straight. When I told my brother that was the funniest homophobia I’d ever heard in media, he very wisely said, “All homophobia is funny if you think about it.” And you know what? He’s right. It is funny, because it’s so fundamentally goddamn stupid, so let’s give characters ridiculous lines so everyone can laugh at how idiotic they and their beliefs sound.
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lgbt · 7 months
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(Sarcasm) Apparently “no homo” hasn’t had the positive impact they thought it would. I’m so surprised.
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mickedy · 4 days
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The moderator of r/SamandMax banned shipping content revolving around the characters. Horrible but also really funny because the moderator announcement post (tw for homophobia obv) looks like this.
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And this is the top comment:
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midnights-dragon · 9 months
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homopobes saying they won’t let their kids watch nimona because of bal and ambrosius or because of the trans metaphor is WILD because the least they could do is be like “wellll the guy gets his arm cut off and I don’t want my kids seeing that” or “I don’t want to expose my kids to suicide attempts” to at least TRY to seem like they aren’t a fucking jackass
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roboticchibitan · 1 year
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I remember when same sex marriage was legized in my state (3 years before obergefel vs Hodges which legalized it nationwide). It won by a very narrow margin.
People who had taken care of me when I was young, people who were like second parents to me, (along with half the other people I knew) were saying it was the end times because I could now get married. And I couldn't help but wonder... would those people have protected me, cared for me, let me play with their children, if they had known I would grow up to be queer?
I came out in 2011. I was lucky. My parents were accepting. My mom was clearly uncomfortable at first but she made it clear she loved me no matter what.
Except.
My dad didn't care if I was queer and assured me that didn't mean there was anything wrong with me (in a speech I didn't need to hear but I think he needed to say). But he still said "that's gay" and "that's faggy" anytime my little brother showed vulnerability.
And I was a lucky one. My father used homophobic slurs around me regularly. He turned the word gay into a slur with his homophobic mouth. And I was a lucky one.
When I came out publicly, my grandmother stopped speaking to me for a while. I'm lucky that she changed her mind. I'm lucky that my grandparents let me bring my girlfriend with me when I went to visit them in October. October of 2022 and I still consider myself lucky that my grandparents let my queer partner into their house. My other grandma likewise visited with us, and was polite and friendly, but she still refused to call my gf anything other than "your friend." Still lucky. Incredibly lucky.
People don't understand just how bad things were as much as ten years ago. When I came out at school, I was lucky. No one bullied me. No one shoved me into lockers or called me slurs. They all just stopped talking to me. I became invisible. I went to a small school. I was the only person who was out. Exactly one person talked to me the rest of the year. And I was a lucky one.
When I was in middle and highschool, the go to insult was "that's gay." I heard it constantly. Every day. Sometimes people said it to me to insult me, long before I even knew I was queer.
I was lucky because the worst that happened to me was social isolation and people using slurs around me or turning my identity into a slur. No one called ME faggy. No one beat me up behind the school bleachers. I was incredibly lucky.
I have experienced the word "gay" used as a slur far more than I ever heard the word "queer" used as a slur. Young "queer is a slur and only a slur" people need to know the world you live in is not the world the rest of us live in. Why is "queer" a slur but "gay" isn't? My homophobic father thought the word "gay" conveyed just as much offense and disgust as the word "faggot." So why is queer the horrible word that can never be reclaimed but people say "that's gay" as a compliment now? The loneliest I have ever felt was in a room full of teenagers who thought my identity was the height of insults. So why is gay fine but queer isn't?
I am a fat butch queer and I do not hide that. My shoes have a pride flag on them. I have a masculine haircut and wear men's clothes. I look queer.
And I am afraid. I dress like this anyway, because I want other queer folks to know I am a safe person. I dress how I do partially because I like it but also partially so any queer person in the room, no matter now closeted, can see me and feel a little bit safer. Because I will protect other queer people with my life if need be.
Because I am openly and visibly queer and live in a world where being queer can get you killed. Because it can. Gay bashings still happen. The alt right are getting bolder in their violence, and that includes homophobic/transphobic violence. There are organizations in the US that are actively pushing to make homosexuality punishable by death in Africa. They know they could never accomplish that here. But they would if they could. People want us dead.
Young people need to understand that. And they need to understand that the people who did the most work to free us from criminalization were queer. They identified as queer. And they weren't the perfect law abiding queers toeing the line of what's acceptible. Because being queer itself was illegal. You could end up on the sex offender registry for being gay. In fact, there are queer people who are STILL registered as sex offenders just because they were queer in 2001. Pride wasn't a permitted parade with wells Fargo floats. It was angry queers illegally marching down the streets, screaming "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it."
Being openly queer is a radical act. It is still a radical act.
I did not live through Windsor vs the united states, the referendum 74 debate, my father punishing my brother for being human with homophobic slurs, and the pearl clutching fearmongering about "the gay agenda" (that was a go to phrase for 2012 homophobes) for some LGBT kid to come at me with TERF bullshit they got off tiktok about how my identity is a slur and I'm a horrible person for using it.
I was a lucky one and I'm still saying "no, absolutely not" to this bullshit.
Queer is more inclusive. Queer accounts for any possible fluidity because people change. Identities change. Queer is there for people who know they're Something Different but are not sure of the details yet. Queer is intentionally vague. When you're young you want everyone to know exactly who you are but as you get older you realize actually my identity is none of your business. In fact, sometimes when you tell someone your identity, you're handing them a bludgeon for them to hurt you with.
If you have trans classmates, you do not understand the world the rest of us grew up in. Trans people were not a public topic. They were not even acknowledged as existing by most people. I didn't know what being trans was until I was like 17. I'm nonbinary now and consider myself trans 10 years later.
And I didn't even have it that bad. But you know what? It still sucked and it was still hard and I can't imagine what it was like to grow up a decade before I did. I had it easy compared to most people.
If you can jokingly say "that's gay" when someone expresses queer love, then you can fucking handle people using the word queer as their identity.
The infighting and policing each other has to stop. You're oppressing queer people with this bullshit. It does not matter what words queer people use to describe themselves when there are people actively killing us. What are you doing? For fucks sake look at the bigger picture. Direct all that rage at our oppressors and the people who mean us harm. Queer people and he/him lesbians and bi lesbians and people who use neo pronouns and whoever else is the discourse of the day do not deserve this kind of treatment. Punch a homophobe and maybe you'll feel better.
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incorrectbatfam · 10 months
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Damian: Father passed this lady her drink and she said, "Thank you, sir... well I guess I'm not allowed to say sir anymore, since it's a pronoun" and he literally looked at her like 😐.
Damian: He's now very worriedly asking me if he "looks like a conservative."
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tub3rculosis · 3 months
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it is 2024 can we PLEASE stop w these kind of videos now. thanks
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help
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armoralor · 6 months
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WolfWren featuring real comments from the fandom. It's okay to have different opinions on fiction, but maybe let's all remember there are actual real life people having to read this shit daily
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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 8 months
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Sometimes I get worried that the way and reasons I feel frustrated over homophobia makes me look like I’m just a sex craved lesbian
Because I’m not and obviously I value more then just that. But it feels like that aspect of my sexuality has never been MINE. So I get so defensive over it. It’s a porn category. A debate. Not treated as rock solid. Something I have to hide and be ashamed of. Something that took me a lot longer then lots of my straight peers to fully acknowledge. Something my childhood sexual trauma made harder for to access. Something that people use to paint me as a bigot or rude or mean or disgusting.
But goddammit, I LOVE breasts. I love vulvas. I love the female form. I love women’s bodies. I love kissing women. I love making them feel good. I love helping them reach those special feelings and touching them and I just get so unbelievably frustrated that this beautiful and natural part of who I am as an adult woman , an adult lesbian, gets so often stripped from me. It’s not fair.
I live in a world where women who date men never stop talking about them sexually and it’s all well and good. I listened to SO many of my classmates talk about penis in-depth when I was in high school and it was no big deal. I mention boobs or vulva or vagina and it’s a record scratch. Suddenly it’s a conversation, a debate, my morals and personhood or being brought into question . I hate it.
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