Tumgik
#Those weren't exactly great people but it's hard not remembering how that felt.
777gojosgf · 5 months
Text
BUT IT’S GOLDEN…
Tumblr media
777GOJOSGF IS TYPING…
777gojosgf: anxious!reader x satoru gojo
IN WHERE ::
reader lets the anxious thoughts get to her head and asks gojo for reassurance.
based on: daylight by taylor swift.
Tumblr media
YOU MADE GREAT effort to resist overthinking, but it was impossible. you were always plagued by the unsettling thought that you weren’t worthy of him. if there existed someone superior than you.
funnier.
prettier.
god, satoru gojo could have anyone he wanted. why would he want you?
you sighed in frustration and sat down next to the white-haired man on your shared apartment’s couch. satoru recognizes that sigh from anywhere, so he puts his phone down the moment he hears it. his blue eyes were full of curiosity, and you can barely avoid being lost in them.
those same exact eyes was the reason you were right here, in this exact apartment next to the person your heart beat solely for.
the years of groveling when you were still students at jujutsu high. once satoru gojo saw you, there was no getting away from him. he was obsessed with you because you were so alluring. the way your eyes lit up when they laid on him, the way your cheeks flushed when he got a step too close. the way your hair always fell exactly into place, and how he managed to perplex the one person who always knew how to bite back.
there was no denying that you were utterly, immensely and hopelessly in love with satoru gojo.
despite this, you still couldn’t help but wonder why it was you he liked. why he even stayed?
satoru’s brows furrowed as he swiftly reached for your hand and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “talk to me pretty, what’s up?” his voice came out soft yet worried, and all you wanted to do is scoot closer and fall into his embrace.
you felt small in that moment, childish even. it was absurd to think that you were burdening people by even experiencing these kind of emotions, but this is exactly how it felt. you’re not bothering anyone because you’re anxious, right?
maybe it was the people-pleaser side of you. the one quality you despised— constantly feeling bad about how you feel. how, in order to keep them from leaving you, you would set aside your emotions for theirs. satoru was aware of your behavior and, in some way, encouraged you to voice your opinions while assuring you that he wouldn’t become upset.
satoru gojo had no clue that such a small action healed the inner child inside of you.
“i— i don’t understand how…,” you began, voice quiet and trying to ignore the voices inside of your head that were yelling at you for being dramatic. “or why, you like me.”
“why i like you?” satoru repeated the question, his thumb brushing over the knuckles of your hand, holding it close to him. “that’s because i don’t.” your eyes widened at that, and your mouth stood agape. did he actually just confirm your anxious thought so carelessly?
“i don’t like you, y/n. i love you.”
your mouth was shut, and your gaze was drawn to his. you appeared frail and small. the polar opposite of what everyone else saw in you. you came across as strong, independent, and fierce. however, everyone has a sensitive side. that side, on the other hand, only appeared with this specific man. and he was aware of that.
“but why? i don’t get it. you could have anyone you want-“
“i want you. why is that so hard to believe? you are the one i have been in love with for many years. don’t you remember fourteen year old me absolutely embarrassing the shit out of myself just so you would look at me?”
your lips quivered at that, the memory resurfacing in your mind. it brought back memories of when your friend group was still together. when things weren't as serious as they are now.
“i liked you back then, did you know that?” you brought up, a soft smile displayed on your face. satoru barely acknowledged your words, engulfed by the smile on your face. his heart raced faster knowing he had been able to bring that lovely smile to your face. “wait— really?”
“really.”
"so how come you are wondering now why i like you?" his question lingered in the air, and he gently lifted you onto his lap with his hand on your hip. you were now straddling him, but the intimacy was not one of the inappropriate kind. it was actually filled with affection. your eyes looked at his lips before finding his again.
“sometimes i just wonder— why me? you know? you’re handsome, funny, could get anyone you want…” you stated off the reasons why you found it hard to believe he actually found interest in you.
“you find me funny?” his cocky question made you roll your eyes and lightly slap his arm. “that’s not what this is about.”
“i know, i know.” he started, his hand now playing with your hair as his other softly rubbed your back. “i love you because you’re you. because you’re the only one who knows me, who actually took the time to understand me. when you look at me, you don’t just see me. you can see through me. you care more about others than yourself, always putting their needs in front of yours. you don’t just have a beautiful face, but also are beautiful within.”
you swore you could feel tears swelling up in eyes and you bit your lip, allowing yourself to lean into him as your soft lips pressed against his. you pulled away but he slightly hungrily went in for just one more.
“and you have great bazookas.”
somehow, a laugh escaped your mouth and your head rested on his chest. you kept giggling before looking at him with those eyes of yours filled with adoration. “you’re such an idiot sometimes.”
“yet you love me.”
“and that i do, satoru gojo. that i do.”
you once believed love would be black and white.
but it’s golden.
298 notes · View notes
yuri-is-online · 19 days
Note
c-could we have some crumbs of what Yuu and Yutu’s life was like before Yuu died? any particular moments that Yutu may remember fondly for example? 👉👈
Of course my friend, let me see if I can make this less angsty than some of the other posts (challenge impossible)
notes: they/them used for Yuu, this is part of the fyuuture kid au which can be found here and here
Tumblr media
I want to leave exactly where in the world Yuu and Yutu are from up to the reader, but I sort of see them as having lived in a small town. They moved at least once to get away from the rumor mill of the place Yuu went missing from, Yutu doesn't have a lot of fond memories of Yuu's og hometown. He remembers it as a place where people were constantly talking about where they thought Yuu went for all the years they went missing.
Even after they moved Yuu and Yutu were considered to be weird and seen as outcasts, something I think Yuu was more upset about it than Yutu was. Until the game explains the rules of Yuu's world, in my mind it is sort of functioning off of Kingdom Hearts logic where when traveling to a different world, your form changes to reflect that one so no merfolk forms for the Octotrio's kids, no beastmen traits for the Savanaclaw kids, and no ability to use Twisted Wonderland like magic for anyone. Yutu can still tell he should have those things and it bothered him a lot.
It was a wild experience to be taken through the mirror and have his ears change or learn he was part fish.
I like to think that Yuu had a job working nights so they could spend more time with Yutu during the day, in what field I leave up to you but they were a really hard worker who saved all their pto and vacation days to attend Yutu's school events and any extracurricular stuff he decided to do. That meant a lot to Yutu, his feelings about his dad change depending on a few things but he never felt like he was lacking in support from Yuu.
Little Yutu really liked making crafts for Yuu. He was really into origami flowers for a while and still knows how to make them, though he's a bit embarrassed by it now.
Yutu genuinely likes Yuu's cooking even if it isn't good. I like the idea of Yutu and Yuu baking cakes together on birthdays, picking out a box mix and fun frosting so they can decorate it the exact way Yutu wants to. A bit before they died Yutu surprised them by baking a cake all on his own the day before their birthday, Yuu was very proud of him and Yutu was just a tiny bit smug about it.
I like to think Yuu subconsciously bought Yutu a stuffed animal that related to Twisted Wonderland in some way. A black cat, a white rabbit, a lion, or maybe even an octopus. Yutu isn't very creative with names so he just named his animals after himself, which is something Yuu would have been able to tease him about because he is very sensitive about it.
Any holidays that are significantly important to Yuu are important to Yutu as well. If you have family traditions that you passed on to him he will think of those fondly and will have told his friends, both in your world and Twisted Wonderland, about them. I like to think that Yuu might have come up with someones unique to them and Yutu since their memories of their past weren't great, so the new ones they made with their son were very important to them.
He especially liked Halloween. It's easily his favorite holiday and he used to get really excited to dress up with Yuu.
Yuu used to read Yutu bedtime stories, and he did like those, but he has really strong memories of times when they would work together to make up a story. He could still repeat some of those back to you... if you knew to ask him about them.
I am interested in hearing what sort of things you would think about Yuu doing with Yutu, or hobbies you think would be fun for specific Yutus to pursue.
40 notes · View notes
ask-the-rcp-crew · 1 month
Text
Why didn't he listen?
If he had just listened, maybe he wouldn't have been in this situation.
Or maybe, they were right: he wasn't strong enough.
Helly was known by some of the broomstown residents as a few things: A child, that one rescue team helicopter or just annoying. He couldn't help but agree from time to time with those things. But now, he was just stuck with his own thoughts.
I should've listened.
He thought. There was a storm or a hurricane that was supposed to hit, he couldn't remember. He only remembered flying out of the station then helping someone before the wind had picked up and carried him away, before sending him crashing into a cavern (idk what it's actually called, stay with me here-) where he had hit his head on the way down, causing him to lose consciousness for a bit before waking up. He had tried calling someone for help, but there was no signal. He had to face the truth: He's stuck.
And to make matters worse, the cavern was slowly filling up with water. Helly couldn't fly out, for some reason?
"Huh?...Don't tell me my propeller is broken at a time like this!"
It was. Just great, he couldn't escape..
Meanwhile, at the rescue station..
"Has anyone heard from helly? It's been awhile.."
"Come to think of it, I don't think so?"
"I hope he's alright, considering how windy it is and all"
Were they concerned? Amber and Roy seem to be, but what about Jin? It was there that poli had decided something.
"I'm gonna go look for him."
"In this weather? No your not-"
"Jin. he could be hurt, or worse.."
Jin sighed. She figured he was right
"Still, I'm not risking any of you getting damaged or hurt. You're staying here poli."
"But-"
"Nope."
So she didn't care? That's not right. He'll just have to sneak out!
Meanwhile, things weren't looking good for Helly.
The water kept rising higher and higher. He tried to escape most of it by getting into a rock, but that too was slowly being taken over by water.
"I'm not gonna get out of this, am i?" And he was right.
Soon enough, the water got closer to his face (screen? Idfk). He tried to move back a bit more but slipped, causing him to fall into the rising water. He couldn't process what just happened fast enough, but once he realized the fact he was underwater, he desperately tried getting out of the water. But to no avail, he failed. Something was keeping him down, but what? Was it because of him being made out of heavy materials that's keeping him down? Or was it because of the force of the water pushing him down? He didn't have time to find out. It was getting harder to see.
Back at the rescue station, Poli did exactly what he said he'd do and went to try and find Helly. In order to find him, he had to sneak out. Which wasn't exactly that hard, as he had help from Amber who had snuck out before and decided to go with him.
After a while of running, they decided to split up: amber went to look in the fields while poli went out to the forest to look for helly. They both had no luck, so poli called for roy to help them. It took awhile, but eventually roy decided to search with poli. Two people are better than one after all.
Wish the same could be said for helly.
His sight was getting worse as it just got harder to breathe. he figured he was drowning, but couldn't do anything to stop it. It was like, his body had just shut down. He did have to admit, the water was freezing- but it also felt nice?
Eventually, his vision went pitch black. He also couldn't feel the cold water anymore.
Back with Roy and Poli, however..
One of them managed to find the cavern Helly was in, as his signal had finally popped up.
"Poli, I've found him! I think-"
"Wait where?"
In an instant, poli had showed up right next to roy, despite being nowhere near him moments before.
"Down in that cavern"
"And how exactly do we get down there?"
"We can swim, just jump down into the water-"
"Roy, you expect me to do what now."
"Just do it, for helly's sake-"
And with that, poli was pushed down into the cavern by Roy. He surprisingly didn't hit anything on the way down, but he did end up landing in the freezing water with a splash.
"Roy! What the hell was that for?!"
"To find helly, duh"
"You didn't have to push me-"
Before he could finish speaking, something shiny and gray poked out from the top of the water. Poli swam up next to it and tried pulling it up, only to find it was none other than helly. Exactly who he was trying to find! But..why wasn't he moving?
"Helly? Hey, wake up-"
"Did you find him?"
"Mhm! But, he isn't responsive.."
"I'll get amber just in case!"
"and just leave us here? oh and he's gone-"
After an hour or so, roy and amber had arrived. They managed to get both poli and helly out, (we won't ask how, shut up-). Amber had asked to look over helly to make sure he was okay, they both agreed. While amber was making sure he was alright, poli was just worried if he was even still alive.
"Hey guys?.."
"Yeah amber?"
"Huh? What's up?"
"I uh, think he's dead"
"What do you mean "you think"?!"
"..That explains the unresponsive part..Wait what."
"Roy, I meant- nevermind. All in all, he died by drowning"
"Oh- I thought he died due to the water being freezing-"
"How'd you know it's freezing?"
"I may or may not have pushed him into the water to see if helly was okay"
"Thanks for that by the way. Now I'm cold."
"I meant, it worked didn't it?-"
"Guys, this is no time for jokes. Helly is dead."
"Right. Someone has to tell Jin"
"I refuse to. Just call her here, she can find out herself."
"Minus the fact he's dead, what's got you so upset?"
"Jin didn't seem to care if he got hurt."
"Oh? Wait yeah, she didn't even let you go out earlier to try and find her-"
"So it's basically her fault?"
Poli couldn't deny that he felt as if it was her fault, but he also felt it was his fault for not going out sooner. After a bit of silence, amber had contacted Jin and told her to get to them asap. Once Jin arrived, she was shocked to say the least.
"I didn't expect him to die! I thought he could swim, all of you guys can!"
"But you have to remember, he is the youngest of us all"
"Was the youngest."
"...Still-"
After another hour of complete silence, they all went back to the rescue station. No one knew what happened to helly's body, it was either Jin had taken it to try and "repair" him or was dismantled. Regardless, Poli only blamed himself afterwards.
If only I had been quicker, maybe he wouldn't have drowned.
Was all he could think.
-------------
I DID IT!!
Sorta a oneshot, which was requested by @darkoplayzzz :3
God I'm tired from writing lmao
Never actually expected it to be that long tho
Oh and here, @aliceangel7891
22 notes · View notes
big-pp-energy-ven · 5 months
Text
This is just a miscellaneous post of my inner rants, I expect no one to engage with this other than myself when I find this post in like 5 years from now
Based on the previous reblog where it was poll on what kind of gay I was in high school, I was a choir kid (derogatory)
I say derogatory because,,, I had mix feelings about it.
I got into choir in 7th grade middle school, and was in choir up until 12th grade of high school (excluding the covid year, I was online). That's almost 5 years of choir.
Those first 3 years were alright, I might even say great. I had pretty good directors, I especially liked my 8th grade director- excusing that one time she yelled at me tho and made me cry... (maybe).
Middle school choir was about what you expect, I feel like it wasn't all that serious. No proper techniques, just... singing to the crowd. The only shit that was a constant issue was drama amongst the clique of 11-13 year olds. My 8th grade director was great cuz she gossiped with us and she fr kinda ate... she was a middle aged latina woman who had a new jersey accent... loved how real she was.
Then I get to high school choir, and of course everything is different. The director, who we called "Mama", was the sweetest woman and she made choir the best for me. She was like my 8th grade director but more sassier and a loud mouth (affectionate)
You might be saying- what was so bad about choir?
All I will say, the one thing that Mama would get on our asses about whenever we weren't meeting her expectations was attitude and egos. I've seen how some my classmates acted... she was right in most cases.
Something to admit, right off the bat, being in choir for those 3 years was the 2nd time I had ever felt lonely. I mean, 10th grade concert choir, is when I made friends with people I'm currently friends with now! It's funny because I remember seeing how my buddies interacted and I thought they were weird... but then I gradually warmed up to them and realized that I was just as weird.. (that's on that neurodivergent behavior).
While I did make friends with those weirdos (affectionate), I recognized that I spent most of my time alone. Quiet and just watching the other choir students talk and stuff. Whenever someone did talk to me, I remained friendly and said hi, but it always felt kind of forced. Like I couldn't exactly hold a long-lasting conversation. I think I spent more time listening/watching than actually talking. I did have to force myself to talk to people and be a part of a group, I didn't wanna be completely alone. Even in 12th grade, I tried my best to put myself out there... but there weren't a lot of people I vibed with except maybe like 5 of them (there were at least 50 people, btw).
I was in the beginner choir for 2 years, I was supposed to go to the bella voce (all women's) choir my 11th grade year, but covid happened...
So it was surprising when I was chucked in chamber (advanced) in 12th grade. You had to audition and do an interview to get in, and you would be added according to the schedule. Mama always found a way to get in you in multiple choirs... but I was surprised when I was put in there, cuz I didn't have to do any of it.
Mama always mentioned how she saw the best in us and knew who was hard working. Me, however, didn't see that.
I think that's when I started to develop imposter syndrome or at least started to notice it. I felt like I didn't belong in chamber. Everyone in there were great singers and were in theater as well. I know I shouldn't have been comparing myself, but it's kinda hard when you're surrounded by so much talent
I remember we were having a discussing and Mama was asking if we saw ourselves as an ensemble (a person who works collectively with their group) or a soloist (someone who's having a performance of their own... /negative). Most answered ensemble. I answered soloist, and when I explained my own reasoning, I said something like "It's not that I'm intentionally singing alone, I don't feel like I'm apart of the ensemble and I'm my own island." Mama took note of that.
I worked to better my vocals, I sang during karaoke days, and I was considered one of the strongest altos in my section, but I still felt like I wasn't trying hard enough. Senior year had become a weird period where choir became my least favorite class unlike before... I didn't hate it, but it became something I didn't look forward to.
The rehearsals felt monotonous, the drama felt constant, the current state of the world was no longer the same, and I had to worry about passing, so choir wasn't my top priority exactly. I still did what I needed to do during those last 40 minutes of the day, but outside of choir, I was focused on other stuff.
My friends were either in different choirs or were doing dual enrollment, so I was alone for the most part in that class period. Yes, I had friends outside of choir, but I only saw them during lunch. I feel like senior year was lonely... that 1 hour lunchtime didn't seem like enough time.
Now, MPA (basically a choir exam) was coming up, and we have these really advanced pieces we're performing. Mama, love her to death, was working us to the bone. She was harsh. She was critical, but I'd say it was mostly tough love... and this was also when the interpersonal drama started to ramp up, and she had gotten involved to some extent. A lot was happening now (..uh time frame, this was early 2022).
There was one day where the tension was... well tense. And Mama was not having it with us. I was stressed out of my mind at this point, I felt like I wasn't working hard enough, and it felt like I was experiencing the weight of the situation.
The rehearsal went on, and she distinctly told us, "You're gonna close your eyes and sing this right. If you open your eyes, then you aren't taking this seriously, and you don't have the right to be in this choir."
That, for some reason, got me. In the middle of the song, I got choked up and was so ridden with anxiety and sadness that I froze up. I was rubbing my pants' legs and shaking, all with my eyes closed. One of the guest teachers had to touch me to calm me down.
Of course, there was discussion afterward... I was put on the spotlight. I don't even remember what I said, but I spoke out how I felt about the performance. I was mess. I still think about that day because it makes me feel exhausted thinking about it. I remember how much I wanted to quit after that. It's been a year since that happened. I don't know why I felt so burdened during that rehearsal. It might've been due to my own fears of failing, I already had the constant thought of not being good enough and not belonging. I still don't know what set me off to this day.
I find it a little messed up to say that I was happy when I left choir and graduated. I remember seeing my choir mates crying and hugging the seniors. Meanwhile, I was just happy to get out of there. I did say goodbye to one of my favorite underclassmen. I felt no attachments to the choir anymore. The only reason why I cried is because it was due to seeing two of my favorite teachers front row (Mama and my English teacher). That got me, god.
Mama was a great teacher in terms of how she taught and lifted us up. Not only that, she was a good counselor... she was very vulnerable with us, and that, in turn, made us vulnerable with her, and she's the most supportive teacher on campus. I hope she still works there.
The only things I did enjoy from choir were the songs. I can remember a few of them. Also, I'll never forget that I listened to Ubi Caritas for 2 hours straight... I learned it, though. I can't listen to it, thought without feeling sad, as it reminds me of that rehearsal day.
My dad always asks if I'm still singing, and I would say not really... I mean, I do sing on occasion, but I still don't think I'm good. I don't see myself joining the singing career. I still have moments, though, where if/when I listen to someone sing, I listen to techniques and silently correct them. I'm glad I'm more focused on visual arts than performance arts... I was in tech theater though, that was fun.
Sorry for anyone that happened to read this entire mini Bible.. I've had this on my mind for a year.
4 notes · View notes
Note
“Wait. You’ve seriously never kissed anyone before?” with Rad
Man, it's been forever since I wrote for Rad :o
I honestly had a hard time remembering how I wrote him.
Rad knew that he was the best friend that someone could have. He was the best fucker round these parts, and anyone else that said otherwise was wrong. Aiight? He was all that! The bees knees! Yet, even with how great he was, he knew that he wasn't... the most likable person.
Fresh was the more well-known guy and he, honestly, wasn't liked by too much. Rad was honestly scared of the big fucker! Why wouldn't he be? Just look at em. Plus, he was older and stronger. So bogus...
Fresh wanted him dead.
He was a parasite, they were both ones, and it was in their body to kill, to stop the other one. They never were able to kill each other though and listen to him, they tried.
There weren't a lot of people that Rad really cared about, he was aggressive and mean to a lot of people. He was supposed to be the 'enemy' to Fresh. He would offer people drugs and stuff like that and teach people curse words then Fresh was supposed ta appear and go "Ey, nah bruhs, that ain't fresh at all. Don't do that crunk stuff" or whatever the hell he would go for.
One of the people that he... strangely started to care about, was a human. They went by the name of Y/n, and at first, he didn't care about them. Why would he care about them? They were just some weird little human, nothing too special about them but then he grew attached to them. They treated him kindly even though he was a bad guy. They would tease him, play with him, chat with him and do so many other things. He grew sickeningly attached to the feeling.
He loved the feeling of not being a villain around them.
Lately, they've been teasing him more often, and he tried to ignore it even though it was embarrassing. Sometimes they would tease him by hugging him or jumping on his back.
This was one of those times.
He was just standing while looking up at the sky lost in thought. A cig hanging from his teeth, not lit yet but he could still look cool. That was until he suddenly heard fast footsteps "Rad!" a familiar voice shouts, causing him to tense up his bones locking together.
Just like Fresh, he couldn't exactly... feel things but he had a feeling that he felt more than Fresh ever did or would ever admit to feeling. They were two very different people yet oh so similar too.
He was about to turn until he felt them hit his back, their legs wrapped around his waist and their arms around his neck "Hey!"
Letting out a grunt, stumbling forward with the cig dropping from his mouth, he turns his head slightly to look at them, squinting behind his glasses "Ay brah, why you jumpin' on me like that? You're gonna make me fuckin' fall. What you doin'?"
They lean over, pecking a kiss against his cheek "Trying to make a big baddie fall" they tease.
He didn't pay attention to what they said.
They kissed him? Did that mean that they liked him? "uhhh Rad?" They say again, making him blink getting knocked out of his thoughts. Oh damn, his face felt hot.
"What?" He snaps, mostly just because... he wasn't sure what this feeling was.
"Why are you so red? It's like you've never been kissed before?" they ask, letting go so they would drop down to the floor walking around to stand in front of him. He looks down at them, then turns his head away fixing his glasses. They blink then their eyes widen "Oh my god... wait. You've seriously never kissed anyone before?"
He growls softly at them, and turns away crossing his arms over his chest "Why would I wanna kiss some bogus dickweed? Ain't my thing... so ain't dope" Yeah, he's never kissed anyone before, so what? He thought to themselves.
They laugh softly, shaking their head "okay okay" they start, holding up their hands "I'm sorry, I'll stop... now come on, we're supposed to be heading out" they reach over, taking his hand, and start to walk pulling him along behind them.
He looks at them, frowning a little following after. Their lips were so soft... he shakes his head to try to get his mind off that, and mumbles fixing his hat. "Fuck"
He can't have a crush on them. Not now... not ever.
36 notes · View notes
running-in-the-dark · 2 years
Text
I really wish gaslighting wasn't one of those terms that gets misused to the point of losing its meaning.
I need to vent and this is going to be long, so -
I just watched a long video about gaslighting. it was by a psychologist and it was pretty in depth. and it basically confirmed that my mother has been gaslighting me (and the rest of my family) my entire life.
she always invalidates my feelings (I have no reason to be upset, I shouldn't be crying, I'm not hurt, nothing happened so I have no reason to be angry). she lies about doing or not doing things. big things, but also small, insignificant things. she also has a very, very good memory. I don't. she knows the birthday of everyone she's ever known, everyone's phone numbers, what she did on a specific day 40 years ago, everything. I can barely remember what I did last week (I just tried, I honestly have no idea).
so it's always been hard to argue with her about this stuff. proof doesn't matter. other people confirming my experience because they were also there doesn't matter. she says she has a great memory, she remembers everything exactly as it was, how could she possibly be wrong?
it doesn't matter that I know I'm right. it doesn't matter that often, other people can confirm I'm right. it doesn't matter that we all often talk about her doing this, so it's not just me. I still can never believe my version of things. not just with her, with everyone. even on my own. I can't trust myself because I've been conditioned to believe that I must be wrong. she won't listen, she won't admit I'm right, so I must be wrong. it's the only logical explanation.
why else would someone do this? why would they keep insisting on their version of things if it's not true?
for the longest time, everyone else just always believed her. I was a 'difficult' teenager (= severely depressed, neglected, suicidal) so of course I was just being dramatic and argumentative for no reason. why would my mother lie? it's absurd, of course she wouldn't. so I had to be a liar and a bad person.
there's things that I know - KNOW - she is lying about. like the time she disappeared to live with her boyfriend in the Black Forest for several months. I was 10 or 11, so I didn't even remember how long it was exactly, my dad told me later. all I knew was: she disappeared, I didn't see her for so long that when I did finally see her again, it was like meeting a stranger. it doesn't matter to me where she was that entire time. I know there was at least a year where I did not see her at all (my brothers did, I remember that, but I definitely didn't. that moment of seeing her again is not something I'll ever forget, the feeling was.. extremely unsettling).
but I can never talk about that. she gets ... furious if I try. says my dad made that all up, or his then-girlfriend, or I'm imagining, exaggerating, misremembering. my dad's dead, so he can't confirm it (and he never did when he was alive either. no one but me ever directly contradicts her about anything). my brothers were too young to really understand any of it, and they've lived with her much longer than I did. she's talked to them about it enough that they wouldn't believe me.
I think the reason I felt so much better when I was in therapy was that it meant there was an outside person, someone objective, who could confirm that my thoughts and feelings and experiences weren't irrational. that my mother's behaviour isn't normal. it doesn't matter that *I know* it isn't - I'm wrong. it doesn't matter that the few friends I've talked about this stuff with told me it isn't - they like me, so they must be lying to me. that's what she's always said, after all. so it must be true.
the thing that makes this all much more complicated now is that I think my mother might have dementia. she's in her late 60s, and she's been forgetting things. not things she'd have any reason to lie about - nothing she could use to manipulate anyone. she forgot I have a tattoo that I've had for years. it was a big deal when I got it, she wouldn't stop being mean about it, so I definitely remember that I showed it to her at the time. my husband and my brothers also remember (she really made a big deal out of it). she was clearly distressed when we kept insisting she knew this. there's been other things she forgot that we've definitely talked about. and my brothers have mentioned she keeps telling them the same stories again as if it's the first time - they don't seem concerned about this, just annoyed.
I've been thinking (worrying) about that a lot lately, and it's made me realise how fucking complicated this is because of... the way she is. it's basically impossible to explain my worries about this without explaining 'actually she does just lie about things all the time, or she really remembers everything completely differently, who knows, so it's difficult to know if this is just part of that somehow'. that's not normal. no one understands that.
unfortunately, the more I think about any of this the more I feel like it's probably all in my head, and actually everything is probably just all in my head. she keeps saying our childhood was good so maybe it was.
maybe she didn't disappear, maybe she really never yelled, maybe I was a horrible child, maybe it was my fault somehow. maybe I am selfish. maybe I really was horrible that one time when I called her a bitch because swearing is bad and disrespectful (doesn't matter that I said it because she yelled some horrible, disgusting things at me. and that I was 14/15. it was 15 years ago and she still brings it up as an example of how bad I am). maybe I was a monster for biting her a couple of times when she wouldn't let me leave the room and wouldn't stop yelling and I was in a corner and I was scared (but she definitely never slapped me in the face so hard that my lip started bleeding and then wouldn't let me get out of the car and go to my dad's place, so I was stuck in the car for over an hour while she went to her dentist appointment. I just made that up and then never told anyone about it for.. reasons, I guess).
maybe I made up the time she laughed in my face when I was sobbing and asking her 'why can't you just be nice like other mothers?' and she said 'you should be grateful that I don't look or dress like the other moms in [her village]' because apparently her looks are more important than the way she treats me. maybe all the times I wrote her a letter explaining why the way she treated me hurt me, only for her to read them to everyone and then laugh at me, are just in my head too.
I wish I was exaggerating, sometimes I really do wonder if I'm just a horrible lying monster who is mean for no reason. I always think everyone I talk to must know I'm awful and a liar. all the time. sometimes I believe her when she says my brothers are even scared of me because I'm so horrible all the time (doesn't matter that I know it's not true).
even in therapy I could never fully explain why I can't believe my own thoughts even when I know I'm right, and why no amount of being told 'you're right, this isn't okay' changes anything about that. I still can't. I need external validation for the smallest things and I don't think I ever realised just how much that affects my life.
11 notes · View notes
queenofsantacarla · 2 years
Text
hide (when the sun gets higher). chapter 1
A/N: at long last it's finally here. beta'd by my lovely besties @darling-disastrous and the tlg group chat.
Warnings: gender neutral reader, angst, discussion of missing peoples
Missing.
You supposed a great deal was missing from your life, when you truly considered it. Things both big and small had notable absences. You’d never had a grand feeling of purpose or life’s meaning, so you switched college majors like outfits and as a result only found yourself working crappy service jobs to pay the rent as months droned on monotonously. Working for minimum wage meant hobbies went to the wayside, along with your social life, keeping your circle of ‘friends’ - if you could call work and college acquaintances that - shamefully small. And romance? Needless to say, you weren’t exactly swept away by any of the potential suitors in your life. You’d had your fair share of disappointment, but you always assumed these were things every broke, mildly depressed, former gifted kid burnout dealt with. You assumed most people were missing these things.
Then you got the call from Lucy, and you were wishing that you could be “most people” again.
You had apparently been the Emersons’ last hope, the last good memory linking Michael to Phoenix despite how much time had passed. Mr. Emerson had taken everything he could from Lucy in the divorce and buzzed off to God-knows-where, not that Michael was ever going to go looking for him anyway. You stayed up all night, just in case, hoping and praying he came knocking on your door.
Nothing.
You called out of work, citing a "family emergency." The Emersons were your other family, after all, and how sleep-deprived you were was in the back of your mind as you drove up the California coast. You tried to appreciate the beauty, the waves crashing against the rocks, the sunsets on the horizon, but each sight made you wonder if Mike had sought comfort in them. Then you'd remember Lucy's hiccups as she held back sobs and Sam's dashed hope that you had seen his brother alive, and you'd have to pull over and cry, the tears too intense to safely see the road.
When you weren't considering worst-case-scenarios, you remembered the good times: Halloweens with coordinated costumes, playing pirates and secret agents in kindergarten, slumber parties where you stayed up all night gorging yourself on Lucy's baking and Michael telling Sam to leave the big kids alone, climbing that giant tree in your yard so you could be on top of the whole world.
That New Year's night freshman year…
It was hard to believe that was almost half a decade ago. If you thought really hard, you could still remember how the blanket felt under your legs, how good his jacket smelled and how warm it was around your shoulders against the chill in the winter air, and how shyly he had asked with hope in those sky-blue eyes if he could kiss you as the clock struck midnight.
It was a chaste kiss, being both of yours first, but it did confirm something you'd always known but had trouble admitting.
Without a doubt. Michael Emerson was the first person you had ever loved. And he hadn't been seen in weeks.
~
The "murder capital of the world" wasn't as impressive as it sounded, despite the title blazoned on the back of the billboard. It was little more than a kitschy beach town. You'd never been to the beach, but you weren't necessarily eager to visit this one. But as the sun began to dip on the horizon your protesting stomach demanded a stop before heading to the Emersons' home.
A hole-in-the-wall Chinese place on the boardwalk was bustling with customers, and happened to be the only food not deep fried multiple times and sweating grease. Unfortunately, the way to the entrance took you right past a fence covered end to end with missing persons' posters. Most of the people walked right by without pausing, not even a glimpse at the sea of faces. You walked by with your head hung in shame, every pair of eyes feeling like Michael's gaze boring into your head, demanding to know why you weren't out looking for him yet. A sudden gust of wind had you pulling your arms around yourself as it ripped an old posting off the fence, settling right at your feet.
It was ancient by the looks of it, the paper having long yellowed and wrinkled in the damp sea air. An impossibly young looking boy stared miserably at you, not even a smile on the memory’s features.
“Laddie” Thompson, it read, the lovingly given nickname apparently much more important than the boy’s true one. Who’s missing you, Laddie? you wondered as a wrench pulled at your heart. Are they still looking, or did they have to give up? Are you still out there, somewhere, waiting for someone to find you?
You had to blink away tears as you stepped inside the restaurant. Everyone seemed to be buzzing, barely able to stay in one place, as if they all had somewhere very important to be.
Despite how crowded and noisy it was, you felt more alone than you did driving down the deserted highways. Anyone of these people could have glimpsed Michael, even just for a second, but might never know the wonderful being behind his baby blues and boyish curls.
But you knew. And it ached like an aggravated old wound that never healed properly.
You were snapped back from the brink of another sobbing breakdown when you heard your order number finally called. The smell of dumplings and spicy sauce were calling your name as you reached out, only to see the bag snatched away before you could grab it.
“Hey!” you tried to shout to the gossiping pair escaping with your food, but the restaurant was so loud they were out the door before you could get your dinner back. If this were a normal night, it would’ve been a funny circumstance, something to laugh off, but your frayed nerves and empty stomach had you trembling all over again. Please, don’t let me have a breakdown in public, please please…
“...and whatever this babe had, add that on.”
A leather-clad hand landed on your shoulder as you heard a silky voice caress your ears. You turned to see a young punk with angelic features and curly mullet. Topaz brown eyes drew you in, sparkling from the smirk that seemed all too natural to the guy’s features.
"You don't have to-" you began to say. Suddenly your voice felt very loud and it was then you realized the whole dining room had gone quiet. Everyone stared at you- or rather, they stared at your generous new friend, who had yet to take his hand off your shoulder.
"Not a problem, angel," he winked at you. You felt yourself turn red, as if he was repeating your thoughts about him. “But that pretty blush is thanks enough.”
The heat of your face and the prickling feeling of jealous eyes on your skin made you look down. It wasn’t like you didn’t get flirted with back home, but it had been a while since it really affected you. Maybe it was your already heightened emotions, or the audience your paramour had amassed…
You swiped your takeout as soon as it touched the counter. “Thanks, but it really wasn’t necessary. It’s not like it was your fault.”
“Well…” he drawled out, playfully biting the leather knuckle of his glove with a devil-may-care smirk. “It might be my fault, in a way.”
“Oh?”
“They’re all trying to get out of here and catch the show,” he explained, grabbing a ridiculously large carton of boxes. “Aren’t you?”
“Uh, no, I-I just got into town. I’m…” you hesitated, not wanting to kill his good mood. “I’m visiting some old friends.”
He suddenly pouted, looking quite like a kicked puppy despite his badass exterior. "Aw, and here I was hoping I'd see you in the audience. I could always use a lovely volunteer."
Oh. Definitely wasn't just the setting that phased you. You were definitely enjoying his flirtations.
No, no, bad brain, you chastised yourself. You're just weak from the grief. Red flags all around.
"Well, if you need something to take that sad look in your eyes away…" he produced what looked like a theater ticket from his chaps. "Come see me."
The ticket was red and gold with fanciful black lettering, proclaiming it belonged to a VIP visitor for a one-night showing of...
"'Cirque de Praeteritus?'" You read aloud. Soft gasps sounded around you, clearly envious of what you'd been given. Whispers and hisses passed amongst the crowd, and it didn't take a genius to realize what they were about. "I can't accept this, it's very generous and I don't think I can-"
"Bring your friends, if you want," he said over his shoulder as he made his way out of the restaurant, clearly ignoring your words. But he paused and looked back at you with a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Just don't bring a date."
"But I- I don't-" you fumbled for some excuse, "I don't even know your name."
He laughed, throwing back his head and showing off his dazzling smile. "It's Marko, angel."
And with another wink, he was gone.
~
The boardwalk gleamed in your rearview mirror as you drove up the winding hills, all the while mentally bracing yourself for reuniting with the Emersons. They had been your second family your entire childhood, before…
You couldn't bring yourself back to that day. It was too horrible to remember, and it made guilt eat away at you like a parasite. The way Lucy had called you with such hope… you weren't even sure she knew the entire story of what happened.
It wouldn't surprise you if Michael never told her or Sam. He was always like that, carrying the heavy things on his own, refusing to let anyone else help. Even you… especially you.
Horses grazed the field surrounding the house, and various windchimes decorated the porch. It was peaceful, deceptively so, being so close to the chaos and bright lights of the boardwalk.
You stepped out of your car and shivered at the surprisingly cold sea air. In the slight night breeze the chimes of the house danced, but the sound was… strange. You could have sworn it was like someone laughing on the wind. Looking around, there was nothing around but the trees that surrounded the home… and the giant wooden spikes. Huh.
You took a step up on the porch, but a sudden strong gust put you off-balance. Your hair whipped around your head, blinding you for just a moment.
Angel...
The window shutters rattled as you got back on your feet, gripping the railing for dear life. Had you really just heard…?
Wind pushed at you again, and you swore the laughing was right at your ear.
Hey, angel!
You jerked around to see who was there and… nothing. Just leaves tumbling their way down the drive. Your heart drummed against your chest as the wind died.
Maybe I do need to do something fun… you thought to yourself.
The door crashed open with a bang and you held back a yelp as you faced an old man in a leather apron and a headlamp.
"Waitin' on an invitation?" He asked with a strange, suspicious scowl.
"Um… no- I-"
"Hey, Grandpa, who's-" a familiar voice called your name with a squeak, and a hurricane of brightly colored clothes ambushed you in a hug.
"Sammy?" You laughed, unable to help yourself from being sucked into his cheerful energy. "When'd you get so tall?"
Sam pulled back with a great big grin. "Knew you wouldn't even recognize me."
"How could I not, Sambo?" you joked, punching him lightly on the arm. "You're still the same old Sammy whose diapers I helped change."
"No you didn't!" He snorted as he pulled you inside. "I, um… see you met Grandpa."
The old Emerson's eyes still appraised you as he retreated into a room off the den, completely lit with red lights.
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre, much?" You whispered to Sam.
"That's what I said!"
The two of you dissolved into laughter as he dragged you towards the kitchen, where an amazing smell was emanating. "Wow, what's cooking-"
A soft voice said your name, like a blanket wrapping around you. You turned, melancholy sweeping the room. "Hi, Lucy."
She glided to you, embracing you tightly. She hadn't changed a bit, even the scent of her favorite perfume clinging to her was wonderfully familiar. You could feel her trembling just a bit, a slight sob caught in her throat.
"It's gonna be okay, Lucy," you whispered to her despite how hopelessness also nipped at your heels. "I promise, we'll be okay."
~
Dinner was delicious, making you completely forget about the Chinese food still sitting forgotten in your car. Catching up with Sammy, it was like no time had passed at all. It even brought a smile to Lucy's face, seeing the two of you catch up. You did notice that Grandpa Emerson, however, never came out from his strange red room again.
Though Sammy did explain the room was for taxidermy. The horror movie comparisons continued thusly.
Eventually you did address the elephant in the room as Lucy brought out ice cream for you all to dig into. She swore up and down that nothing strange had happened, nothing odd that Michael spoke of.
"He knows about… about my runaway days. Both of the boys know, even you know. He knew- knows he could always come to me with troubles like that…"
"He was… having troubles?"
Lucy paused, settling a shaky hand over her mouth. "I mean he was… a little off. I just assumed with the move, and the divorce, he needed time to adjust and I…" she stopped, as if realizing something important. "He told me I wouldn't understand. Oh, God… I should've pressed harder, I should have…"
You restlessly paced in the living room, wondering what Michael kept from Lucy. Your own guilt kept you from saying anything, unable to help from wondering if this was all your fault, and you wished you could tell Lucy that without being terrified she'd throw you out of the house. You would, after all.
I can't do this. You were going insane walking and worrying in circles, the walls were closing in. Maybe a distraction would be good.
You trekked up the stairs, knowing Sam would have some comics you could get lost in until you could sleep. Luckily the door was already slightly ajar.
"Hey, Sammy, could I-" you began as you stepped in, only to see a perfectly made bed in a spotless room. In the corner stood a set of weights, and a motorcycle care magazine sat on the nightstand.
Oh… this was Michael's room.
You didn't want to disturb what was clearly set up in expectation for him to return, but despite all the time that had passed between you everything about this space screamed the Michael you knew and… loved.
A leather jacket hung from the door. Since when did Mike wear leather jackets, you wondered. You couldn't help but run your fingers over it. It was still brand-new, barely worn at all. Without thinking about it too much, you slipped it from the hook and held it close. Tears sprung to your ears when you realized it carried his scent: motor oil and cologne.
Knees gave out and you sank to the floor, wrapping the jacket around yourself as you cried, cried until there was nothing else inside of you.
As your sobs finally subsided, you trembled from the emotional exhaustion. You slipped your hands in the pockets to pull the jacket, the closest thing you had to Mike's embrace, even closer.
And your hand brushed against something… paper. A note, maybe?
You quickly yanked it out, only to find a strangely familiar ticket.
One VIP guest, for Cirque de Praeteritus.
Maybe you could make the show tonight.
184 notes · View notes
evilovesyou · 2 years
Note
I HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST TIME EVER MY DARLING !!!!! PLASE TELL US (and me in private please hehe) HOW IT WENT 🥰♥️😘!!
DEER!!! MY LOVE!!!!!! I ALREADY UPDATED YOU KINDA???? But omg. Let me give you a full run down. Buckle up because this is gonna be LONG, probably.
First of all, the rainbow project. Seriously. Thank the heavens and gods for all the lovely people who helped me with that. @loubluestuff, @justiceforfineline, @nothingbutsunflowers and Shlo, @ballerina-harrystyles, @almightyprincess and Madeleine! You guys were incredible!!!!!!!!!!!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Generally, 99% of the people were just fantastic! So kind, so enthusiastic, so happy to help. I'm blown away. We ran out of flags by 4pm. We brought 900 flags and there were many people who had brought their own as well. During the show it was practically impossible to take a single picture without a flag in the frame. People held them up for every. single. song. I noticed it especially with Habit, and of course the main one: Only the Brave. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I went in with a couple friends who arrived late so I didn't use my number, even though I had one (844). We ended up quite far in the back, but from the people I know who were up front, they said it was very intense. There were apparently people who were very pushy and unkind. In the back, I didn't notice any of that. Everyone around us was wonderful and kind.
Only the Poets was amazing! They filmed another part of their music video and they announced that since their show in Vienna in November had already sold out, they're switching to a bigger venue!
I found it incredibly amusing that before they came on people were chanting "OTP" because when we were handing out the papers for the lights downstairs the first two colours that we used up were blue and green and there were just. A lot of larries. Chanting "OTP."
They gave out water before the show. When a girl fainted during Beautiful War, they stopped the show after the song and started giving out water again while Louis and the band left. It seemed that they somehow weren't prepared for this from the venue's side because they ran out of water and cups?? At least that's what I heard. This practice in general is very unusual (as my friend @gaming-fish pointed out), just as the fact that they played a track multiple times that told people to take a step back, not to throw things, and that security had water. It worked out okay and it seemed the people around the girl who fainted helped her as best as they could. I also saw multiple people who were responsible and went to the back during the show when they didn't feel well.
Louis. Fucking Louis. He was radiant even from the very back. The crowd was LOUD and he loved it. There was a moment, I don't remember exactly which song, when he literally skipped from one side of the stage to the other and it was ADORABLE.
The note change in 7 was incredible. Getting to scream PRINCESS PARK at him with all my might was unreal. During Two of Us I almost found it hard to connect to him because the crowd had so much energy, but when I managed to find his voice and focus on it... It was so good. At the very end his voice broke away slightly and my heart shattered. It was beautiful. The other fan project during Walls worked great as well. Screaming "you were my because" with all his encouragement was... yeah. It felt real.
Now the rainbows. The RAINBOWS. ONLY THE BRAVE. FUCK IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. WE WORKED SO HARD FOR A MONTH AND WE DID OUR VERY BEST TO MAKE IT HAPPEN AND THEN IT DID AND JESUS CHRIST ON A BICYCLE I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN.
I was a little bit too far back to see the gallery lights fully, but I'm sure someone will have a better picture or video. Here's my pictures and my video. At the end of the video he sings a note so beautiful that when I listened back to it, I cried. It felt so absolutely unreal to see that same sea of pride flags, now all raised high, and to see all those colourful lights upstairs and pointed at him and... and to know that all of these people were kind and supportive, creating a safe space for him and for us. And the most unbelievable part for me is that.. we did that. I did that. I don't think I will ever get over that.
I think that's it for now. I have a couple more asks <3
Edit: I totally forgot!! Isaac wasn't there????? I kept looking for him but he was replaced by a guy named Scott (??) and we sang happy birthday for him.
Also one of the guys from OTP was wearing their own merch because he lost a game of odds with Louis!
83 notes · View notes
wh6res · 3 years
Text
three's a crowd | nomin
Tumblr media
synopsis. picking favorites is impossible when you like neither of them.
warning. read at your own risk. abuse, bullying, poly relationship, yandere themes, manipulation, nonconsensual touching, noncon, degradation, smut threesome oop
disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think jaemin or jeno would act like this in real life.
note. this was meant to be a new year's gift lmao i obviously got a lil carried away 👀 anyway a late happy new year to you all! we survived 2020, let's start living in 2021, yeah? lmao if covid lets us grr mwah!
Tumblr media
the relationship you had with the two of them was a weird one, bordering on taboo, but it wasn't as if you willfully chose to be who they wanted you to be and it took jaemin's unwanted pining and jeno's intimidating demeanor for you to fall right into their arms.
it was a joint effort on their part, you couldn't've possibly stood a chance.
"this many?" the cashier asked. "are you sure?"
stepping back and studying the whole situation, you figured you only had your addiction to caffeine and procrastination to blame. it was a chain reaction you didn't even know will lead up to your inevitable doom.
if you hadn't been slacking off during your first semester of junior year college, you wouldn't be forced to overwork yourself trying to catch up to the looming deadlines, but to be able to 'work yourself to the bone' you need your boost of energy… and that was when you met one of them.
"uhm," you scratch the back of your head sheepishly as you eye the six glass bottles of iced coffee. sure, it looks bad and you kinda appreciate the look of concern the cashier throws your way but it was none of his business.
"yes. now could you, like, you know… hurry up? i'm in a little bit of a time crunch right now."
screw it. although you hardly snap like that with other people on a daily basis, it'll be a whole different conversation if you were under a significant amount of stress and today, unfortunately, is one of those days.
now can he just fucking stop asking questions and give you your six bottles of death drink to keep your fucking brain going so you can pass an eight-page essay tomorrow? thank you very much!
the guy snickered, the beeping sound of a barcode being read sounding a thousand times more annoying than it usually sounds as he keeps his hand busy by punching your items out.
you fail to notice how he studies you through the gaps of his lashes, finding you interesting rather than threatening as you stood before him with your messy hair and oversized hoodie.
"haven't seen you around university grounds 'till today," he tries striking another conversation with you. "you new? i'm jaemin."
this was your first mistake, you shouldn't have been so… downright rude when you met him. if you were granted the miracle of meeting him a 2nd time, you would've acted more nice, throwing yourself at his feet even to blend in with the rest of his fangirls you didn't even know about at the time. you would've done anything to make sure he never gives you a second glance, to never pique his interest.
jaemin is the pep squad captain. flying over colored blue mats and doing tumblings in the air with no ounce of fear. he was the best in his team, that much was evident when your friend dragged you into watching a pep rally practice. his landings were clean, balanced, and executed to the best he can at all times.
no wonder he was popular, his talent is outstanding and his looks are a bonus. his killer combo of a smile and wink after pulling off a tough flip is enough to send them squealing in their seats.
he spotted you that day and since then, he snuck the quickest glances at the bench during practices. recognizing you as the coffee girl he met during his convenience store shift. jaemin tries not to let his disappointment show too much when he doesn't see you, but of course, a pair of cold calculating eyes could see right through him.
"i saw that," his boyfriend said, hand darting forward to hold jaemin's gym bag for him. "you kept looking at the crowd. do you want to see her that much?"
"but she reminds me so much of you, jeno!" he retorts, pouting at the slight grumpy tone the other boy used. "i can't help it. she doesn't seem to give a fuck around me so she's quite interesting. maybe she can even be a great addition to our relationship!"
"well," jeno replies after a beat of silence, plastering a small smirk on his face before slinging an arm around jaemin's shoulder.
"convince me?"
Tumblr media
you don't like jaemin's attention. not in the slightest. and it seems that was enough reason for the reign of terror his little fanclub has subjected you too.
it wasn't the petty elementary forms of bullying like pulling at your hair or calling you names. they pale in comparison to the other things they do to you—beating you up, messing with your homework, "accidentally" dumping their food trays on you.
and you weren't stupid.
you knew exactly who was behind it, knew how jaemin spectates the whole thing from afar so that he can swoop in at the end to play your knight in shining armor.
"oh, you poor thing. do you need help?"
the first time you accepted his "help" you ended up in a supply closet near the gym during your free period, cornered and weak as your cries for help drowns under the squeaking of shoes and the booming sounds of rubber balls hitting the floor.
if it weren't for jeno appearing out of thin air and prying the boy off of you, you would've been painted blue and red from the death grip he had on your wrist, neck, and waist.
you can still remember feeling the soreness of your scalp from when he pulled your hair too hard. remembered feeling his teeth gnawing at your lips as if he wanted to tear them off.
that time hadn't been the first time you saw jeno. you've shared a few classes with him and it strikes you how polar opposites they are with one another.
while jaemin likes to bask in his professor and classmates' recognition by confidently reciting his answers, jeno would rather keep to himself. liked sitting at the last row, near the window, so he'd be the first to go once the professor ends their lecture. while jaemin loved the attention of his fangirls, jeno preferred solitude. while jaemin is impulsive and wild, jeno liked to think things through.
it was within these reasons that you decided to do what you did. but your judgement of character has never been more wrong.
you approached jeno one day in the library, tried to make yourself appear as stoic and confident as possible. but your constant slouching and averting eyes was a dead giveaway.
you came to talk to him about what jaemin has been doing, hoping there's one person left in this entire school that isn't under the cheer captain's trance. the one reasonable person that has already saved you once and (hopefully) is willing enough to save you again. the only one that probably has a certain level of control over jaemin, if the supply closet incident is anything to go by.
but you've overestimated lee jeno.
"you should've just given jaemin what he wanted."
"but—but aren't you two lovers? isn't it bothering you?"
you try baiting him, only for an uncomfortable shiver to start crawling down your spine when he chuckled humorlessly, pushing his school materials to the side while pinning you with an unreadable stare.
how can a person make someone feel so small just by a gaze alone? it was nothing like you've felt with jaemin. this is way worse.
"the only thing that's bothering me is why you're not ours yet."
you feel cold fingers creeping their way under your shirt, going higher and higher until it brushes against your bra. and when your eyes meet, the look on his face was unmistakable—what are you going to do about it, huh?
you stood up in lightning speed, the chair you've been sitting on scraping loudly against the floor.
you've never ran out as fast as you did.
and jeno swears it'll be the last.
Tumblr media
you tried everything in your power to ignore them for the next following weeks but it soon became useless when the two boys took it upon themselves to give you your space.
although judging by the pinpricks you feel on your back, and the constant weight of a stare you feel on your shoulders, you knew they weren't done with you yet. far from it. and for some reason, you just knew they wanted to lull you into a false sense of security first before striking again.
and while they continued to ogle at you from afar like a hawk circling its prey in a desert, you took it upon yourself to return the favor. not because you were the slightest bit interested in those creeps but maybe, just maybe, if you look hard enough you'll find a way out, a weakness.
but what you realized made your insides churn in great discomfort—although it may seem that jeno holds the reins in the relationship since his reserved nature fits the role, it's actually the other way around.
jaemin might appear too self-centered, too focused on himself to give a fuck about his surroundings but in actuality, he has quite a knack for reading people. even more so than jeno. and it was scary how he used it to his advantage, and paired up with his devoted fangirls? it was hell on earth.
you found it alarming how the two seem to magically appear wherever you are.
although you weren't in the least bit surprised. for some reason, you can't take your eyes away when jaemin's devotees flock around him (and jeno) in a circle.
it almost reminds you of a shoal of piranhas, waiting for their meal to drop into the water before ripping it to shreds with their teeth. only their "meal" isn't actual flesh but the carefully crafted words jaemin says that drive them into a sick frenzy.
one that has them doing everything in their power to satisfy him like the loyal dogs they are.
so this was how he got them to bully you?
"oh, that? don't worry! yangyang just ran into me during cheer rehearsal. no biggie. my cheek stung a little bit, though…" is what he said but really he's telling them "scruff him up a bit for me, why don't ya?"
"of course, i can't be the best all the time. haechan is just too good, maybe even better than me…" is what he said but really he's telling them "can you remind him where his place should be?"
all the while jeno did nothing to hold him back.
no matter how wrong jaemin is, how much of an asshole he is, jeno will stick by his side through and through. so as much as jaemin is a puppeteer that gets a kick for controlling people, jeno is as much at fault for looking the other way.
because in jeno's perspective, why the fuck would he do shit when he can just get off from the entertainment that comes with jaemin's sweet little mind games?
Tumblr media
we lost :(
you had been busy sorting through paperwork for one of your professors in the faculty when your friend texted you the results of the intercollegiate cheer dance competition. a frown paints your face, heart feeling heavy at the bad news.
in all honesty, you still supported the pep squad—you just hated the captain and his boyfriend. they've been practicing non-stop for this and prior to the weeks of the competition, jeno looked a lot more tense and jaemin less smiley than usual. you swore you even saw the latter snap at one of his fangirls.
not to mention, they paid less attention to you, too, and it was the best three weeks of your life.
tension starts rising in your shoulders, fingers absentmindedly running through the edge of the papers you had been sorting until you became immersed with your thoughts.
jaemin must be in the worst mood yet.
and jeno too, probably. if anything, that guy gets triggered the most when something bad happens to jaemin or when he catches snippets of people talking shit about his oh so "perfect" boyfriend.
jeno is a lot scarier when jaemin is in one of his mood swings, you noticed. he steps up in the relationship to offer comfort to the other boy and for outsiders? it isn't a great experience to go through—being on the receiving end of jeno's ice cold stare is a position you don't want to find yourself in after that time in the library.
he is still as much a threat to your peaceful life like his lover.
you snap out of it when the blinding headlights of a vehicle seep through the closed blinds. you hear the gentle hum of an engine switching off as the headlights vanished as quick as they had appeared. that must be the cheer squad's bus.
as you look around the empty faculty room, something in your gut tells you to ditch file sorting duty for professor kim tonight and fucking get the hell out of campus grounds as quick as you can.
after haphazardly throwing the unsorted papers back into the cabinet, you groan aloud when the keys to the office drop out of your skirt’s pocket.
the indoor gym where the cheering squad practices is right across the hallway. you sure as hell don't want to bump into jaemin. or jeno, too, if he had decided to ride along the cheer squad's bus on the way home.
you kept looking for the keys underneath the cubicles, cursing aloud when you heard the telltale squeaks of shoes rubbing against linoleum. you almost hit your head against a table when you quickly got back up your feet, darting forward to shut the lights for the faculty room.
they can't know you're here. alone. and if it meant sitting in the dark for a few hours 'till they leave, meant going back home a little later than usual is what you have to do then so be it.
you try not to react so violently when the door you're leaning on jolts when someone from outside slams their back against it.
"it's not like we didn't do our best, right guys? i don't have regrets. it might sound fucking cheesy and although i'm sad myself, atleast we did what we can."
it's jaemin. his voice clear as day.
you try peaking, craning your neck up from your place on the floor. only to see the back of his head leaning against the glass section of the door. someone else joins in on the conversation, followed by coach park himself, and you slowly tune out whatever they're saying as you stealthily start scanning the faculty room.
you curse under your breath. is there no other exit other than this door? jesus christ! even classrooms in this university had two doors—
"what are you doing here?"
the switch flickers on, basking the once dark room with light. only when you hear an echo of your name being called, did you snap out of it and quickly picked yourself up from the floor.
"i said, what are you doing here?"
their coach asks, drilling the question as he looks at you skeptically with his arms crossed. you try not to look at the people behind him.
particularly, not at his cheer captain standing on his right.
particularly, not at jeno, who stands out like a sore thumb with his blue hair, a protective arm snaked around jaemin’s shoulders.
this isn't your lucky day, too, you guess.
"i was…" you cursed yourself for stuttering. "i was, uhm, i was file sorting for prof—professor kim, sir."
coach park looked like he didn't believe you as he narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. your nerves are going haywire and you can feel the sharp pins of their stare with how close they are.
you kept juggling your weight with the balls of your feet, hands fisting and unfisting behind your back. you want to leave. you have to leave.
"file sorting… in the dark?" he asked incredulously.
fuck this.
"uhm, you can ask professor kim himself tomorrow, coach. for now, uh, i'll be going now. i'm sorry you guys lost…"
originally, the exit is on the right side, at the end of the hallway. but no, you are not going to pass by those two while on your way out so you ducked behind a random student standing on the coach's left instead and practically ran away from the scene.
everyone had been too busy. too busy looking at your retreating form to even notice jaemin and jeno exchanging glances, too busy to notice the latter untangling himself from their captain to slip away unnoticed, his hurried steps filled with a burning purpose.
Tumblr media
you didn't know why you ran, but you did. your shoes practically booming against the floor as you sped away through darkened hallways. you're sweating profusely, heart hammering in your chest. you can worry about professor kim tomorrow but right now you just had to—
"why are you in such a rush, pet?"
crashing into jeno felt like crashing into a wall. if it hadn't been for his arm quickly wrapping around your waist, then you would've landed on your butt before him.
with the small distance between the two of you, jeno could see as clear as day through your eyes.
jaemin was right.
it was addicting to stare into them.
especially when he can see every single one of your thoughts flying through your pretty little head. but hey, it wasn't their fault you were so easy to read.
jeno barely conceals the wicked smirk on his lips when your hands come up to his chest, trying to push him away but to no avail.
he can see your eyes shifting from shock, to confusion, until it finally settles on fear—to which it's slowly becoming a favorite emotion of his to see on your face.
"you know, jaemin is in a really shitty mood right now. and we were wondering, maybe you can cheer us up?"
no. this can't be happening.
"jeno, please." your dilated eyes and disheveled hair made his blood run south. "let me go. you don't want me. you don't need a third party in your relationship."
you yelp when he lets you go, literally shoving you against a wall—which you found out is actually a door, as it swings open as soon as your body crashes against it.
with jeno looming unforgivingly before you in his full height, the tears stung extra hard but you won't let them fall.
if he wanted to bask in the image of your weakness then it'll be something you'll deprive from him for as long as you can.
"i don't need a stupid bitch like you to tell me what i feel." he scoffs. "don't fucking kid yourself, you little whore—i don't want you. i'm not jaemin."
the echo of the classroom door shutting closed surged through you like a wake up call.
this is really happening.
you've always led a decent life, had done nothing too questionable and you've always thought maybe life will spare you if you lived quietly enough. but the feel of jeno's freezing hands crawling against your skin felt like life itself had spat at you in the eye and left you to rot in a ditch.
"i've always liked how you wore skirts," he comments. playing with the ruffled hem of the soft fabric as he purposely grazed his knuckles against your supple thighs. "gives me easy access, don't you agree?"
you scream when he flips your skirt up to reveal the innocent pink of your cotton panties. it was as if a switch had flipped inside of you and the will to fight started coursing through your veins.
"stop! jeno! i don't want this!"
his brows furrow, grunting as he struggles to push the waistline of your skirt up higher with how much you're thrashing underneath him. you buck your hips, tried curling in on yourself, anything to prolong what he wants to do to you.
with your legs trapped underneath his, you blindly reach forward, relying on your upper body instead to push and scratch whatever your palms and nails reached.
you continue screaming like a banshee until he shoved two fingers into your wet cavern.
"stop fighting me," he sounded strained, as if he's holding himself back. you feel him fisting the fabric of your skirt and you fear he's simply going to rip it apart.
you tried responding to him, only the sound had been muffled, gurgled by the flat of his fingers pushing down against your tongue mercilessly. when you reach forward to push him away, your hands land on the apple of his cheeks, nails digging through skin.
until it slips and—
you lie rigid when red scratch marks in the size of your fingernails slowly appear on jeno's skin, his head turned to the side as he paused. your actions slowly start sinking in to him as he shuts his eyes and bit his lip 'till it looked like it was about to bleed.
oh no.
"jeno—"
the slap he planted on your cheek left your ears ringing. all those hard earned muscles of his put to good use—if the tears hadn't fallen for the last few minutes, then it definitely started falling now.
the hit had been so strong, a few of your hair flew astray, the buzzing feeling of your skin tempting you to reach a hand up to soothe your abused cheek.
until jeno let out a low growl and your hand immediately drops limp against your body, afraid of whatever else he can do to you other than a slap.
"that's more like it," he whispers under his breath. you let out the tiniest of whimpers when his hand darts forward to fist your hair. "do you know what happens to bad girls? they fucking get busted up. do you understand me?"
his patience is nonexistent.
jeno slams your head against the floor when you don't answer because you thought his question had been rhetorical. it felt like your skull had been split in two as you wail in pain.
"are you fucking deaf—i asked you a fucking question!"
the hand that cups your jaw is painful as he squeezed your cheek with his blunt nails. your hand shoots up to wrap around his wrist, silently pleading for him to let up as you sobbed out loud. you started nodding as best as you can despite his firm grip on your face.
your reply was nothing short of pathetic. with lips forcefully pursed and the steady stream of your tears and snot rolling down your face, your response is gargled and hardly incoherent and jeno seemed to thoroughly enjoy your anguish if the condescending curl on his lips is anything to go by.
"look at you," he whispers, his face coming close to yours as he holds you down. there was something in the way jeno stared so intently that it made your skin crawl.
"i think you're prettiest when ruined like this."
with his nose touching yours, he felt too close, bordering on intimate as you felt his hand creep back up your thighs, trailing up with feather-like touches that made goosebumps appear on your skin.
you tried wiggling your legs underneath him but one sharp look from jeno is enough to make you stop.
the hand holding your face moves. coming down from gripping your face to encircling his hand around your neck.
"do you like it when i touch you? freaky bitch."
his hands trail further up, up, up until you felt him slotting a finger underneath your panties.
jeno didn't like how frozen you were underneath him as he pulls at the hem before letting go. the elastic snapping back against your skin.
the action evokes a strong feeling through the young male, promising to have you writhing and screaming and begging because by the end of all this, you'll be so needy and frustrated that you will have no choice but to give in to what your body wanted.
"jeno, didn't i tell you to play nice?"
someone stands by the door, the minimal light from the hallway creating a silhouette with his form but you knew who he was. that deep voice, with the same annoying flippant tone, is a dead giveaway.
you didn't know why you even hoped in the beginning. as if there'll be someone who can save you from these two.
you thought the flash of hurt in your eyes was quick to disappear but jeno noticed it quicker.
in a span of seconds, he pulled you up from your position from the ground and tugged you towards his lap. you haven't even gotten the time to settle on your new position when he already smashed his lips against yours.
it was messy. too much saliva. too much teeth. no tenderness to it at all.
the fabric of his jeans felt rough, not to mention the ice cold belt buckle made you severely uncomfortable as it seeps through the thin fabric of your skirt.
when you attempt to hover over his lap, jeno grunts as he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you back down without your lips breaking away from each other. you didn't know why he let out a whine, but you understood the moment you fully sat down on his lap and you felt a tent on his jeans hitting your clothed entrance perfectly.
in a normal circumstance, you would've found everything hot and might've actually gotten off from it but not when it's him who’s doing this to you and you didn’t consent to any of this.
you start squirming again. palms lying flat against jeno's chest as you attempt to push him away and jaemin sees this as the opportune moment to slot himself behind you, caging you in between them.
“i want my turn,” he hisses and without an ounce of hesitation, jeno stops to do what he's told.
jaemin doesn't waste any second to grab your face, awkwardly craning your neck up to meet his lips in the same feverish kiss.
while jeno had been all teeth and aggression, practically forcing you to open your mouth and kiss him back, jaemin on the other hand is more soft, more romantic, you daresay. he seemed to like taking his sweet time by clutching your face, kissing you like he actually meant it.
he pulls away slightly, resting his forehead against yours as he murmurs something incoherent under his breath and then he's kissing you again.
you think you heard something along the lines of, "finally."
you've been too distracted by jaemin to notice jeno's nimble fingers quickly fumbling with the buttons of your blouse. it was only when you feel the sensation of his tongue laving against the swell of your breast did you turn away from jaemin, jerking backward in surprise.
"no—!"
your scream is cut off by a hand cupping your mouth. jaemin pulls your back towards his chest, molding your body against his as jeno licked and suckled all he wanted, thankful to have the other boy there to not worry about restraining you and keeping you quiet while he has his fun.
"ah, ah, ah," jaemin teases, going hard over the pleading and teary look you sent his way. it looked pathetic, he wasn't going to lie, but it doesn't mean he didn't love it. "just keep still and appreciate jeno's efforts to take care of you, alright baby?"
you don't like how he talked as if this was all a mutual thing, how he talked slowly like you were some toddler who didn't understand anything.
it's cruel how jaemin giggled and basked in your vulnerable state as he kept his eyes pinned on you while undoing the zipper of your skirt. your muffled cries of his name only serving to egg him on.
the way he stared was similar to jeno, too intently and intrusive, like he wants to burn your image of despair in the back of his head.
you whined involuntarily when jeno got bored of all the licking and thus decided to start biting and nipping at your chest instead. he was hypnotised by how responsive you were, how every little bite and nibble made you shudder.
it was a shame that jaemin had to cover your mouth. he didn't get to hear your pretty mewls but it wasn't as if he'd let the night end without hearing them loud and clear.
jaemin is fast in undressing you, feeling slightly betrayed by how quick your skirt and blouse fell under his hands.
you know what he wants, what he's going to do, and the tears fall harder when you can't dodge away from him. forced to endure and accept whatever they give you.
"you act like you don't like it but look how fucking wet you are," you bit your lip hard when jaemin starts circling the pads of his fingers against your clit, fascinated by how more juices streamed down your thighs.
"jeno, do you see this? fuck."
you can only blink in defeat, staring off to the side as you force down any noise bubbling up your throat, forcing yourself to think of anything else other than what's happening right now.
you try not to think about how they managed to tear all of your clothes off while they're left completely dressed. tried not to think about the fingers lazily drawing up and down your slit to collect your essence.
if they're doing this as a way to further humiliate you, it's working.
"slut," jeno mocked, a wicked curl on his lips when he wraps his fingers around your throat. the moment he dives down to claim your lips again is the same time jaemin pushes two fingers inside you.
"look at how wet you are because of me," jaemin whispers hot against your ear and you feel a sick churn in your stomach when you feel his smile against your skin.
he purposely drives his fingers in and out quicker, settjng a brutal pace, wanting you to hear the lewd squelching sounds. "hear that? do you hear that, darling? that's because of me—"
"don't go talking big now, jaem," jeno retorts, pulling away from your lips to start nibbling on the back of your ear. "i was here first. did you see how she fucking reacted when i sucked on her tits?"
you're quick to catch how jeno particularly loved degrading you. but how he talks about you as if you're literally not in front of him naked made you hit a new all-time low.
you felt… filthy.
his hands find purchase on your butt—only because jaemin has already claimed the front. for now.
you close your eyes tight when he painfully squeezes the flesh of your ass. you swear, his blunt nails will paint your skin black and blue.
"i'm the favorite!"
"i'm the favorite!"
as someone who's part of a varsity team, you already knew a competitive nature runs through jaemin's veins. but never had you thought jeno would share the same sentiment. once again they prove that they're cut from the same cloth.
all of a sudden it wasn't all about claiming you as theirs anymore rather it was all about who can make you moan the loudest, who can make you cum the most, who can make you feel the dirtiest you can be.
you're absolutely terrified for the hours to come.
thankfully, they have yet to ask for your verbal opinion or validation. they let your body do all the talking—every repressed shudder and sharp gasp is enough.
but it's game over once they pop the million dollar question.
"who do you like best?"
you don't want to find out the consequences if you actually answered their question because you didn't know what could be worse.
jaemin's manipulation or jeno's aggression?
but it was all normal. trial and error is inevitable in order to build and mold you into the ideal lover for the both of them.
because adding someone new to the mix has never been easy—after all, three's a crowd.
1K notes · View notes
one-sad-human · 3 years
Text
•Worth It• Duff Mckagan
Pairing: Velvet Revolver era! Duff Mckagan x Younger! Reader
Requested? Nope!
Theme: Little bit of everything/???
Warnings: Language, panic attacks, anxiety references, drug references
Word Count: 3k
A/N: Fic 2 of 2! This is the longest fic yet! Took a different approach to writing this one, hopefully it payed off. Let me know if you guys liked it or if I wasted my time with this one lol.
Tumblr media
     You had met Duff in a coffee shop in LA. It was crowded and you were lucky enough to snag a chair before the lunch rush. Duff wasn't, and asked you if he could sit at your table.
     You grew up with Guns n Roses, bought his solo album the day it came out when you were just 15, and now listened to Velvet Revolver faithfully. To see your idol, your celebrity crush stand right in front of you holding a cup of coffee and a scone sent you for a loop.
     "Of course," you had said, starry eyed. You were only hoping he was as kind as the interviews made him out to be. Maybe have a conversation with you and be polite for a while before leaving and never seeing each you again. That would be good enough.
     It didn't end with a coffee, it had just begun. He asked for your number, and you stared at him for a moment thinking you had imagined it. That was until he tilted his head a little and looked at you with a nervous expression. He backtracked and you immediately stopped him.
     "No! I mean— yes! Yes, you can absolutely have my number." You scrambled for a pen and paper and ended up scratching your number on a receipt from the record store. You shook so hard you could barely get the numbers down.
     Out of all the record store receipts you've stuffed into your bag, the one you gave Duff Mckagan had to be the one for when you bought Velvet Revolver's 'Contraband.' He didn't say anything, just smiled and promised to call.
     You honestly didn't think he would've. You played it off as just him trying to be nice. It didn't stop you from answering every call you got for the next three days, however, even if you recognized the number as the tax collector you'd normally never answer.
     But then he called.
     "I tried calling sooner, but I kept calling the wrong number. You don't have the most eligible handwriting," he had told you. You laughed but really, you were in shock.
     You set up a date at the fancy restaurant downtown that always intimidated you. You didn't say anything though, even though you knew you wouldn't want any of the overpriced food and you'd end up eating something you couldn't pronounce and was two portions too small. Maybe even hit up a fast food joint afterwards.
     When the day finally came, you couldn't even figure out what to wear. You couldn't tell if you looked underdressed or like you were trying too hard. Did the clothes even fit the right way? What would Duff think? Would he even care?
     All questions were answered when you left your house. Duff was leaning against his slick car parked in your driveway, a button up that was barely buttoned and dress pants with boots. He stared at you and you wanted a hole in the ground to shallow you up until he smiles.
     "You look gorgeous," he said. You blushed and grinned, thanking him before saying that he looked great too. He drove you to the restaurant and on the way, you talked about music.
     You shared some of your favorites, he adored how well rounded you were. You liked pretty much everything from punk rock to the mellowest of mellow. Duff mentioned some of his favorites, some you made sure to remember the names of so you can check them out.
     When the ride was over and you finally got to the restaurant, your previous fears came back. Duff reassured you looked better than 90% of the people there and you knew it wasn't true but it made you feel better anyway.
     Your eyes widened to the size of saucers when you saw the prices of the food. You knew it'd be pricey but you thought there'd be more options that stayed within two digit numbers.
     Duff saw your panicked expression and said not to worry, he'd pay. It didn't settle your nerves enough and when the waiter came, you ordered the cheapest and simplest thing you could find.
     "Chicken noodle soup?" He teased. You shyly looked down and shrugged. "This isn't your scene, is it?"
     "Not exactly, no."
     "Want me to be completely honest with you?" You nodded. "It's not mine either."
     That's all it took for you and Duff to scramble sheepishly out of the restaurant. You both shared a laugh in the car and went to Burger King. It was much more your speed and, as you'd find out that night, Duff's too. You suppose all the money he's had since such a young age didn't completely change his ways. He was like a kid trapped in a 40 year old man's body.
     You'd thought at first the age gap would feel strange, after all, you were 15 years younger than him. But after that night, it was barely noticeable. Funny looks from strangers every once in a while was nothing.
     By the second date, Duff was already aware fancy spots weren't your forte. He told you it was a surprise and to wear something cozy, as LA nights got chilly.
     He packed a picnic basket and drove you out to the most beautiful flower field you had ever seen at sunset. It was secluded and high up, giving a perfect view of the city skyline. After gawking and taking in the sights for a few moments, you regained your ability to speak.
     "It's gorgeous. Pretty far from the city, did you take me here to kill me?" You joked. He laughed and rolled his eyes. His lighthearted laugh sent sparks straight to your heart, and you decided that it was your favorite sound.
     You unfolded the blanket Duff brought and you both sat down. You ate the sandwiches and sliced fruit Duff packed and talked. You talked about everything, from your family to fears and insecurities.
You told him how you suffer from nightmares. Flashbacks from your broken childhood coming back to bite you in your sleep. Duff shared how he's suffered from panic attacks since he was a teenager. You felt you knew each other for years.
Neither of you felt weird for sharing and neither made the other insecure. You were completely open and honest with each other. It was strange, you've never connected to quickly and effortlessly with someone before. Sure, you've had men in your life, but never had you clicked with someone so fast, never had you fit with someone so perfectly.
Hours passed and it felt like minutes. Only did you realize how late and how exhausted you were when you saw most of the city buildings light have gone off for the night. The city that didn't sleep was dark.
"I should get you home," Duff said to you.
"Will you stay the night?" You felt a little silly for asking. Were things going too fast? Would he even want to stay over?
He agreed, and that's how your first night together went. You both stayed up even later and had more lighthearted conversations, unlike the ones that partook at the field. Like how one of Duff's first jobs was at a bakery and could bake a mean cake and how you can't cook to save your life.
You ended up waking up without remembering falling asleep. You're head was placed comfortably on Duff's lap while his head was lolled back against the couch cushion. He looked so serene and peaceful you couldn't help but smile at the sight.
You made toast and somewhat successfully cooked some eggs and bacon. It might have been the first breakfast in years that didn't end with the smoke alarm going off.
Duff eventually wandered into the kitchen and you both ate. By the time he left, another date was already set up. He was like a drug an you were already hooked.
Months later and the addiction still wasn't kicked. You didn't want to, and Duff didn't seem to want you to quit either. You both soaked each other up like the sun on a warm day.
You had almost weekly dates and you stayed over each other's houses almost every other day. Duff did have his kids some days, though, so some days dates were cut short or Grace and Mae slept over his house and you wouldn't see each other.
You were always understanding, his kids came first and you'd never blame or get upset about it. It's something Duff admires about you, your never ending understanding and empathy for him.
One of those days where Duff stayed over at your house started normal. He cooked dinner and you washed the dishes, and then you put on an old Ramones concert you had on DVD.
You were laying on his chest, his fingers running through your hair when all of a sudden, he tensed up. He quickly stood and excused himself to the bathroom. You frowned but before you could think much of it, you heard a loud bang and something clatter to the ground.
You jumped up and rushed to the bathroom. You swung open the door because you were perfectly aware the lock hasn't worked since you moved in.
Duff was sitting on the floor, a pill bottle laying on its side not far from him. You quickly spot the name of the medication and identified it as your anti-anxiety pills. You shoved them aside and sat next to Duff.
He was sweating bullets and his skin felt cold and clammy, his breaths were labored and heartbeat was loud and pounding erratically. You coax him gently to take deep breaths, holding onto his hand tightly and talking quietly.
"I'm sorry, they come on randomly sometimes," he apologized after he'd called down, but you quickly shushed him. You reminded him of just how many nightmares he'd comforted you for and he stops feeling so bad about it.
     It was always a true partnership with Duff. Never had you felt you gave or took too much, it was always equal. Always a two way street, with everything.
That wasn't the last panic attack you had to help him come down from. Later down the line you've gotten better at calming him down and learning his triggers, even though sometimes they really do come on suddenly without reason.
A year into the relationship was when you met Grace and Mae. They were young and didn't completely understand why their parents weren't together anymore, so it took them a while to warm up to you. Luckily, they eventually came around.
Duff and Susan met up regularly to discuss their kids and co-parent properly. And while you had all the reason to be jealous of your boyfriend with his ex wife, you never did. You had complete confidence in him, he was honest and loyal and you doubted he'd ever hurt you purposely.
That's why it destroyed you when he left you. Tears were shed from both parties as he gave his reasons for breaking up with you. His insecurities he tried his best to bury had come to light and nothing could change his mind.
You thought you were completely honest with each other, but you suppose his doubt in his relationship with you was the one thing he kept secret. He had somehow convinced himself you'd be better without him, between the constant touring and the baggage that came with him and his kids, he finally buckled under the weight and stress.
You had tried to convince him that he was worth it, but if Duff is one thing it's stubborn. The best relationship you'd ever have and the best year of your life went down the drain within the matter of one conversation.
You were down in the dumps for days. You barely left your bed and didn't ever leave your house. You were in a depression and couldn't get out. A few of your friends eventually found out what had happened and broke into your house and shoved you into the shower before taking you to your favorite Chinese restaurant.
You felt like a disaster. Your hair was ratted despite the shower and you refused to put real clothes on, instead wearing sweatpants and a shirt Duff had left behind. You were a mess.
The hole in the wall restaurant was never busy but always had the best food. You were almost happy your friends dragged you out of your home until you saw Duff sitting at a table, eating egg rolls and lo mein.
You've came here together all the time. The high sodium in the food always made him sick to his stomach and you'd always end up giving him nausea remedies and tea. He never changed his order though.
You locked eyes with him for a while. Dark bags were under his eyes and he looked more pale than usual. He looked as terrible as you felt. You weren't sure if you were spitefully glad he felt awful or if the despair on his face just made your heart break further.
When you couldn't take his intense jade stare anymore, you looked up at the menu. The next time you looked back he was gone, you weren't sure if he was really there at all or if you were finally losing your mind for good.
     Another week crawled by. You got better enough to continue working. You had to pick up extra time for calling out for a few days after the breakup. You wouldn't say things were going well, but you weren't crying in bed every day all day anymore.
     You had constant dreams about him. Some were nice, ones where he didn't leave and you were together, holding each other tightly. Most were nightmares, flashbacks of when he left. You didn't have him to comfort you anymore when you woke up soaked in sweat and tears, and that might've been the worst.
     Another week went by, and you were starting to get back into the swing of things. You still thought about him, even silly little things reminded you of him. Like when you would catch a sniff of freshly baked sweets like he'd bake you or certain songs playing on the radio. It also didn't help that you ran into people wearing Guns n Roses shirts on the daily.
     You also refused to get rid of anything he'd left behind. Tee shirts, guitar picks he left from when he'd play for you, or CDs from bands he introduced you to. Reminders of what you lost were scattered around your home but you couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it.
     Suddenly, it's been a month. You weren't over him, but you had a feeling you'd never be completely. He was something special, you can't forget things as special as your relationship with Duff.
     His items still weren't thrown out or returned, instead all packed in a box sitting in your closet. But you'd be lying if you said you would never reach into the box to grab a shirt to sleep in or a CD to listen to when you needed a reminder of the good times. You were making progress though.
     You decided to leave your house one evening. You were feeling especially terrible and wanted to take a walk to clear your head. You went to the coffee shop you had first met Duff in. Maybe it was a mistake to go and get a flood of memories but you couldn't stop yourself.
     You sat in a seat near the window and people watched, taking occasional sips of your drink. It was quiet except from the talk of the workers and the hum of the overhead speakers.
     There was a sudden squeak of a chair of hardwood floors and it broke you out of your daze. You snapped your gaze up to meet the very familiar green eyes you've been trying to forget.
     "Can we talk?" He asked, and you couldn't say 'no.' Duff sat across from you and started off by apologizing.
     He said he wanted to talk to you sooner, but was too afraid you wouldn't want anything to do with him. You rolled your eyes at that, if only he knew just how much you missed him.
     He then started from the beginning and explained why he made the decision to leave you. As it turns out, it was mostly because of stress. His bandmate Scott was having problems with drugs and the flashbacks from his GnR days frightened him. He was worried he would end up relapsing and he didn't want to drag you down with him.
     Combine that with all the troubles that came with dating a single father, and he couldn't take it anymore. He felt too guilty.
     It all seemed like ridiculous reasons to you. Even if he had made the mistake of falling off the wagon, you still would've stuck with him. And you didn't mind his kids at all, after nearly a year of knowing them and you were very close to them.
     "I love you, Duff. I wouldn't have left you over that, I'd help you through anything. And I love Grace and Mae, too," you told him.
     "I know, but I didn't want you to have to deal with all that baggage." You frowned at that. You reached your hand across the table and grasped his, squeezing it tenderly.
     "You're worth it."
     After that day, you and Duff started seeing each other again. It wasn't the same as before, but maybe even better.
     You were more transparent with each other. If one had a worry or problem, you'd go to the other. You talked everything through with him and he did the same. Even if it seemed insignificant, talking everything through never failed to make it better.
    You were happier and healthier than ever before. Sure, there were a roadblock or two, but they only made the relationship even stronger, and you wouldn't have changed a thing about it.
209 notes · View notes
hogwartsmarvelmommy · 3 years
Text
Anger Issues 🔥(h.h)
Tumblr media
Warnings: smut. (Fingering, oral m-receving, unprotected sex, degradation, little bit of Dom!harry) lazertag (idk if that's a warning) swearing.
Word count: 2.6k
Masterlist
Join my Taglist ❤️
You stood with your back against the wall, you were listening for one voice, one in particular.
“Hell mate, didn't even see ya there,” he laughed.
You raised your gun and jumped out aiming for the sensor on his chest and firing. It took you a few tries, but you managed to hit it at least once powering down his gun.
“Y/N!” Harry groaned as you ran the opposite direction. “We're on the same team you dork,” He yelled.
You jumped behind a large wall, ducking down, so he couldn't find you. You had only agreed to this for one reason, and it was to torment Harry, which seemed to be working flawlessly.
"Y/n," Tom's voice was directly behind you causing you to jump and squeak.
"Thomas," you hissed, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. "Can't sneak up on me like that, m'hiding from Baz," you told him, peeking over the wall to see if you could spot him.
"He's on our team y'know," he chuckled.
"Doesn't mean I can't destroy him," you winked at him letting out a giggle before making a run towards another structure. Truth be told, this was all you had wanted when the idea of Laser Tag had been brought up that morning. It brought you pure joy to be a nuisance to Harry, to find his deepest buried nerve and pick at it until he would break. He knew it too, he knew you loved to be the reason he would crack. Harry angry and red hot in the face, that, well it just did something to you, and the way he would choose to take out that anger, whew. You were determined today, to get him to the point of no return, to the point where he had no choice. So as soon as you caught sight of his luscious auburn curls you jumped out, firing the gun and hitting the censor in the middle of his back. "gotcha," you said, sending him a wink.
"Y/n, y/l/n, I swear to fucking god-" he huffed, trudging forward towards you.
"S'not good to swear to God Baz," you teased. He continued towards you until he had you pushed against the wall, the censor vest digging into your back.
"The next time you shoot me, I will make you regret it," he seethed. You nodded quickly, biting your bottom lip. He went to walk away, and right as he did, you fired again, hitting his back censor a second time.
He turned towards you quickly, eyes narrowing, and you could see the red hue of his cheeks even in the dimly lit arena. "Oops," you giggled, dropping your gun and raising your hands in defense.
"You're coming with me," he growled, grabbing your wrist and pulling you behind him towards the exit.
"Oi, what are you doing? We have like 15 minutes left," Tom yelled after you.
"Sorry, you can beat them on your own, right?" You asked, right before Harry tugged you through the door. He pushed you to the wall, standing tall in front of you as he unbuckled your vest, slipping it off your head, and then doing the same with his.
"C'mon," he demanded. The velocity of his voice sent a shiver down your spine as you followed closely.
You were so thankful your hotel room was just a short elevator ride up. You stood silently in the elevator, eyes trained on Harry as he glared daggers at you.
"Could have won, if you hadn't fucked off," he mumbled.
"C'mon Baz, you think I cared about the game?" You asked him, raising your eyebrows in his direction.
The elevator dinged, opening the door to your floor before you were being led to the room the two of you were sharing.
No one knew the things that you and Harry had been taking part in the last few months, honestly you weren't sure what they would think. It had started one night after a bad football game, he was so angry, and it had turned you on beyond belief. You don't remember what exactly happened, but you do remember the second his fingers found their way to your panties you were both done for. Ever since that night, whenever he would get heated, you were there waiting, waiting to take his release, to ease the built up tension, and then after, you were both completely different people. He would clean you up, cuddle with you and send countless praises in your ears.
Was it a dangerous game to be playing? Probably.. Did you ever want it to end? Absolutely not!
Harry opened the door swiftly, pushing you in. "Harry," you giggled as you nearly tripped on one of the suitcases that you had scattered on the floor.
"Oops," he chuckled, steadying you. "Now get into that bed," he instructed.
"Yes sir," you winked before rushing to the bed.
"Why do you have to be such a.." he walked forward grabbing your jaw and turning your face up to him. "a little fucking brat?" He demanded.
You giggled as he outlined your lips with his thumb, pushing it inside your mouth.
If there was one thing that had completely taken you by surprise with Harry, it was how assertive he was in bed. The boy who quite literally seemed like an angel in every aspect of his life, would absolutely wreck you anytime he had the chance. Of course he wouldn't cross any lines you set, but if you gave him the go ahead he would push you until you just couldn't take anymore.
"Gonna be a good girl tonight?" He asked you, a fire burning in his eyes.
"Nope," you mumbled with his thumb still in your mouth.
"Gonna be a little brat?" He asked.
"Mmm," you moaned, sucking on his digit.
"Know what brats get?" He asked you. "Brats don't get all the sweet warming up, no," he pushed you back onto the bed, flipping you to your stomach. "Brats get it straight to the point," he grumbled, practically ripping your leggings from your body and pulling you onto your knees. His fingers quickly found their way to your dripping core, “My good little slut,” he cooed before shoving a finger in with no warning. “Always ready for me,”
You hummed in response as his finger grazed your sweet spot. Harry knew your body like the back of your hand and he knew how to bring you right to the edge, and then quickly back you away. He pulled his finger out of your clenching core, leaving you feeling needy and empty. “Baz,” you groaned.
“What?” He asked you, a cocky smirk on his face. “You thought I was going to let you finish? After tanking the game?” Your mouth dropped open as you were getting ready to say something, but too quickly his hand found its way around your throat squeezing only hard enough to elicit an almost pornographic moan from you. “You drive me fucking crazy,” He growled into your ear. “But you also make my heart skip a beat when i think of those pretty lips around my cock,” you were shocked at the turn he had taken, but
You couldn't lie to yourself, it had you clenching around nothing, wishing for some relief from him. “Put it in my mouth then,” You instructed looking into his soft, warm brown orbs through your dramatically long lashes.
“Oh yeah?” He asked, excitement clear in his voice, “Want me to fuck your face, love?” you couldn't help the moan that left your lips with the use of the pet name, you and harry usually kept things pretty casual, no ‘baby’ or ‘babe’ but specifically no ‘love’. So to hear the name slip past his lips had your heart (and your pussy) wanting more.
“Yes Harry, Please,” You practically begged. He helped you into a sitting position, hand moving from where it had been positioned on your neck to the hem of your shirt quickly stripping you of any clothes that remaned. He followed it up by doing the same, standing fully nude in front of you, cock in his hand as you readied your lips. He took a step towards you as you looked up to see the lust in his eyes as he rubbed his tip on your lips.
"Gonna take it all?" He asked, bringing his hand up to rub his thumb across your cheek. You licked your lips before opening them as he slowly pushed himself into your mouth. You didn't really care for it, a cock in your mouth, but the look on harry's face made you want it, you would do it forever just to see the lust and relief that graced his face with every thrust against your face, the moans that would leave his lips as you would swirl your tongue around his tip when he pulled back, only to push back in with more force, making tears gather in the corner of your eyes. Tears he would wipe away as he whispered how good you were for him, and he would continue his movements until you felt him twitching on your tongue, his cum dripping down your throat, before pulling away, only to wipe your lips of any excess mess that had been made.
"You know your fucking beautiful?" He asked, before bringing his lips down to yours. His lips met yours with a feverish fire, that was almost too much. Any time the two of you would get to this point you would end up feeling upset, because in the grand scheme of things, Harry was it for you, god did you love him, and all of this fooling around wasn't helping any.
Harry's hands found their way to the nape of your neck, before he laid you back and climbed above, lips trailing down your jaw and neck attaching to your nipples as he let his hands wander between your thighs. You wished you could tell him just how badly you wanted him, wanted more. The hookups were nice, perfect, and the aftercare was next level, but you wanted the sleepy cuddly Harry, and The date night Harry.. you wanted every aspect of him.
His fingers teased at your entrance while his thumb drew little circles around your clit. You moaned out his name, finally relieved to be getting some stimulation. "I want to try something different," he mumbled.
"What?" You wondered.
"I want to make love to you," he said shyly. You pulled yourself up to your elbows as you stared shocked at him.
"You- what?"
"We're always going at it like it's the last time, and it's great, but I just want to savor it, savor you, just this once," he explained. You reached out, grabbing him and pulling him up to you as you slammed your lips together.
"Make Love to me then," you mumbled against his lips.
He moved your hands, interlocking your fingers with his before placing them above your head as he kissed you with more passion than you had ever experienced. His tongue flicked against your bottom lip, and you opened letting him in. It was different, and not in a bad way, you had made out with Harry countless times, whether it be in the heat of the moment, a drunk night, or a late night hookup, but this… This felt like more.
"God I love your lips," he whispered as he pulled away from the kiss, reaching down to caress your cheek. The use of the word 'love' leaving you with butterflies in your belly. His hands trailed down your body slowly, as his eyes did the same. "I feel like your body was meant for me," he told you. "The curve of your hips, the way your breasts feel in my hands, how your hair cascades down your back, the way you cling to me while I'm making you mine," he sighed as he looked back up to you. "It's as if someone wrote out the perfect match for me, and they put your name down," he whispered.
You felt tears rush to your eyes, unsure of what he was trying to get at. "Harry," you whispered.
He leaned back down, bringing his face dangerously close to yours, noses touching. You could feel the heat of his breath on your lips, "I want more, I want you," he said before closing the distance.
You were sure you were dreaming. This couldn't be real. He grabbed your hips as he positioned himself between your thighs, not breaking away from your lips. You felt him slowly push into you, bottoming out, before making any other movements. Slow wasn't exactly your thing, sure slow and steady wins the race, but you preferred the fast paced sex that you and Harry usually had, but in that moment, as his lips devoured yours, and his hips met yours gently and slowly, you felt pure Bliss. It wasn't rushed, trying to edge each other on, it wasn't a hidden agenda, just the two of you, lost in each other, lips colliding as you made love.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered in your ear, as he kissed from beneath it to your jaw.
"Harry," you moaned out.
"My beautiful girl," he whispered, "gonna make you feel good, yeah?" He asked as his hand sneaked between your bodies. His fingers gently brushed against your nub, but with how turned on you were, it was enough to send a jolt through your body.
"M'close," you let out.
"I know," he told you, as he quickened his movements. "Me too," he grunted. As soon as you felt him twitch inside of you, you clenched around him, orgasm taking control of your body. Your nails dug into his shoulders and you buried your face in his neck. He continued his movements until you let up, a sigh of relief leave your mouth.
You laid like that, him on top of you, you clutching to him, for a while. Finally he got up, walking towards the bathroom and returning with a damp rag. He sat between your legs as he cleaned you up gently, knowing you were probably sensitive. "Harry," you said quietly.
"Yes love?" He asked, glancing up to you.
"What did you mean? By, you want more?" You asked, cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
"Well," he sighed, climbing up and laying down next to you. "You know how Haz and grace are always, holding hands, sharing food, being ridiculously cute, and making us all want to vomit?" He asked you.
"Mm," you nodded.
"I want that, I want to hold your hand as we walk down the pier to watch the sunset, and I want to order one milkshake with two straws and put a dollop of whip cream on your nose, I want people to look at us together and think we are cute, I want to be the reason they want to vomit," he told you.
You let out a chuckle as you reached for his hand, interlocking your fingers together.
"So you want-"
"You to be my girlfriend," he finished.
You couldn't help the smile that creeped onto your face. This was everything that you wanted, and to have him tell you he wanted the same thing? It felt good.
"Alright, on one condition," you said cheekily.
"Oh yeah? What's that?" He asked.
"I want to put the dollop of whip cream on your nose," you giggled. He rolled his eyes before leaning in and capturing your lips with his.
Tag list:
@theglitterymess @violetlilysunshine  
@petesrparker
@harryhollandsgirlfriend
@mcushvft
(if your name is crossed out I couldn't tag you 😭😩)
180 notes · View notes
helloalycia · 3 years
Text
my patient’s neighbour [three] // wanda maximoff
summary: your relationship with Wanda gets a little bumpy when her work life crosses over with your personal life.
warning/s: implied kidnapping, mentions of anxiety
author's note: so the ‘i love you’ confession was actually inspired by an incorrect quote on @aquamarinescarlet’s page! i thought it would be cute aha
part one | part two | part four | part five | part six | part seven | masterlist | wattpad
Tumblr media
It was two months into our relationship when I knew I'd fallen in love with Wanda. I can't remember the exact moment when it hit me – I guess it had happened gradually over time – but I remember the embarrassing moment when I told her.
She'd brought me as her date to an Avengers party thrown by Tony Stark. I'd been to one of them before, about a month into dating her, as she'd wanted me to meet her friends from work AKA the freakin' Avengers. They were actually really great and (somewhat) humble people. I didn't expect to become 'friends' with any of them, more just be friendly whenever I saw them through Wanda. To my surprise, I became quite good friends with Natasha Romanoff.
We had the same dark sense of humour, both had an unexplainable obsession with horror films and she was genuinely just really easy to talk to. I wasn't expecting it, but it was nice to gain a new friend in addition to a new girlfriend.
So, I was at my second Avengers party with Wanda by my side, but the party had ended about half an hour ago and I may or may not have been drunk.
We were sat on the couch, conversing with the other Avengers, and I was sat between Wanda and Natasha. The others were involved in their own conversations and I was too dazed to realise what I was doing until it happened.
"Wanda has no idea I'm in love with her," I said (not-so) quietly, leaning over to my left, into Wanda's ear unknowingly.
Wanda, who was playing with my fingers in her hand, paused and glanced to me with bright eyes, a surprised expression on her face.
"You're in love with me?" she asked, lips twitching into a smile.
I blinked, her words settling in, before I licked my lips. "Oh, sorry." Turning to my right, I moved to Natasha's ear, whispering loudly, "Wanda has no idea I'm in love with her."
Natasha glanced to me with a quirked brow, amused smile on her lips. "She doesn't? You sure about that?"
"You're in love with me?" Wanda repeated, sitting forward and earning my attention.
I gasped, wondering how she knew, before slapping Natasha's arm and looking to her with a frown. "You told her?! I trusted you!"
Natasha ignored me, instead looking to Wanda with an encouraging look. "I'll leave this one to you. Good luck."
She stood up, heading over to Thor and Bruce Banner on the other couch, and I booed her as she left.
"Yeah, run away, you secret-give-away'er!" I called after her with a pout, before crossing my arms.
"I think it's time I take you home," Wanda said decidedly, trying not to laugh as she pulled me up off the couch.
"I don't like Natasha anymore," I mumbled, allowing Wanda to take me away.
She bid her goodbyes to her teammates before leading me to the lift. I don't really remember what else happened until we were suddenly at my house – well, my parents house, but they had given it to me as they travelled the world with their retirement money. She was leading me inside and to my bedroom, getting me dressed like the sweet girlfriend she was, before tucking me into bed.
Of course, being the clingy drunk I was, I pulled her on top of me and didn't let go as I wrapped my arms around her.
"Stay," I mumbled into her shoulder, closing my eyes.
She chuckled, trying to pull away. "Y/N, you need to sleep, c'mon."
"I will," I whined, not letting her leave. "If you stay with me."
She paused, before giving in with a sigh. "Fine."
Tiredly, I smiled. "Yesssss." I patted the spot next to me. "Right here, please."
In the light of my bedside lamp, I saw her roll her eyes playfully, before turning off the lamp and jumping under the covers with me. I sighed with relief, cuddling into her side without hesitating.
"I love you," I mumbled, barely thinking about it.
She tightened her embrace and I felt her kiss the top of my head. "You're probably gonna forget you said that in the morning. But I'll remind you. And if you still think it, then I'll reply."
Her words went into one ear and out the other. I hummed in response, not knowing what I was answering to, and let myself get lost in her scent as I drifted into a peaceful slumber.
When I woke up the next morning, I quite liked the idea of sharing bed with Wanda and waking up to her dishevelled hair and our intertwined legs, even though I didn't remember inviting her to stay. Of course, I also had a banging headache and felt like someone had hit me with a train, so I didn't get chance to appreciate it much.
"Fuck," I mumbled, pulling the duvet over my head to block out the sun streaming through the slit in my curtain.
Wanda, who was shuffling beside me, yawned and stretched her arms. Suddenly, I heard quiet laughter, before she spooned me, wrapping her arms around my stomach and pulling me closer. Her leg raised and clung to my waist, and as much as I appreciated the way she fit perfectly against me, I was still in pain.
"Why did you let me drink that much?" I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.
"I believe that was your own conscience decision, dorogoy (darling)," she said in that know-it-all voice of hers, and it was hard for me to be annoyed at her because she had a raspy, morning voice and her accent was especially thick with fatigue and damn, Wanda Maximoff was pretty sexy in the morning.
"Whatever," was all I said, but I placed my hand on hers and joint our fingers together.
"You know," she started, tucking her head comfortably into my neck, "I quite like waking up to you like this. You're very cute, even if you're cranky."
Despite aforementioned crankiness, I cracked a smile. "I like this, too."
It was very domestic, something I didn't get the privilege of experiencing with Wanda because she worked a lot, and it felt good.
After hanging around in bed for a little while longer, I got up and showered whilst Wanda offered to make me some breakfast – "Pancakes are a hangover's cure! Or at least according to Tony". After getting ready, I came downstairs to find a stack of pancakes and maple syrup waiting for me.
"You are a Godsend," I told her, pressing a haste kiss to her lips before sitting at the table with the pancakes. "Thank you."
She chuckled, grabbing her own pancakes and sitting opposite me. "Anything for you."
After I dug in, complimenting her on how delicious they tasted, a comfortable silence fell between us. Well, until Wanda spoke up cautiously.
"So, does anything from last night ring a bell?" she asked, making me look up to see her staring eagerly.
My content expression fell. "Shoot, did I do something embarrassing?" I facepalmed. "God, what was it? Did I fall asleep on somebody?"
She smiled with adoration, eyes twinkling in the morning sun. "No, nothing like that."
I could tell there was something though, judging from her hesitant expression. I scrunched my face with regret.
"What did I do?" I asked, unprepared to hear it. "Did I say something to you?"
She played with her fork, twisting it around in her plate nervously, which was very unlike her. "Yeah, actually, you did."
I waited, feeling like the silence was deafening the longer she stayed quiet.
"You said you were in love with me," she said, voice so soft and quiet that I barely heard it.
I felt my heart drop to my stomach. "I what?"
"I mean, technically you said I had no idea you were in love with me, but I think you were supposed to tell Nat that," she continued, eyes avoiding mine. "Then you told Nat and you got mad at her because you thought she told me."
I facepalmed for the second time that morning. "Oh, God..."
"Then you invited me to stay the night and told me you loved me before you fell asleep," she finished rambling. "I just, er, wanted to check if you meant that..."
I raised my eyebrows with disbelief. "Are you kidding?" I reached over the table to grab her hand. "Wanda, of course I meant that! But I hoped to tell you at a better time than by accident whilst I was drunk."
Blue eyes flickered to mine, excitement creeping onto her face. "You meant it."
I breathed out, realising what exactly I'd just said. "I– yeah. I meant it. I'm in love with you, Wanda."
Her smile widened. "I'm in love with you, too."
My heart fluttered in my chest as I relaxed my shoulders. "You love me."
She giggled, squeezing my hand. "We just did this."
"Right! We did," I said, shaking my head, grin forming on my lips. "Sorry. I'm just so happy right now."
"Me, too," she said in agreement, thumb stroking the top of my hand.
I didn't think things could go wrong from here. I was on top of the world! But of course, the world had a funny way of ruining things.
Dating a superhero had its pros and cons, I suppose, but neither really showed themselves to me often as it was as if Wanda's superhero life was separate to the one we shared. When she and I were together, it was just us. And she would leave for work and I wouldn't think about it. Then she would return and it would be us again.
If I took a moment out of my day to stop and really think about where she was, what she could be doing, the danger she could be in... I just couldn't do it. Even when she would show up to our next date with a fresh bruise from training, or a broken bone from a mission gone too far, I'd worry about it for the time being then try to let it go. Those weren't superhero perks, those were reasons to be concerned. And I couldn't handle imagining the time when she'd come back to me in a worse state, or to not even come back at all.
So, her superhero life rarely overlapped with our shared one. And I was happier that way. Until it did.
I was running errands one day, little things that required me to run around the city – dry cleaning, grocery shopping, picking up some DIY stuff for my house. It was a pretty relaxing, fun day. I'd treated myself to lunch, was soaking in the sunshine and planning to unwind with some Netflix on the couch.
"Hold on, I need to unlock the front door," I mumbled into the phone. I was talking to Wanda, catching her up with my day as I returned home.
"Try not to drop your phone this time," she teased from the other end, and I could just imagine the smirk on her face.
"So funny," I said with an eye roll. "Real comedian."
She laughed as I placed my phone in my pocket, not quite hanging up. Pulling my keys from my shopping bag, I fiddled with them, attempting to find the key for my front door.
Suddenly, something metal and cold pressed to my back and I jumped, dropping my keys with surprise.
"Don't draw attention," the person said, and I went rigid, looking up to see a reflection of someone unrecognisable in the glass of my front door. "You're going to leave your things here and come with me."
"Who are you?" I asked, trying to turn around, but the object pressed harder into my back, making me wince.
"Leave your fucking things here and give me your hand," the man ordered, ignoring my question. "Phone included. And don't even think about making a call."
I swallowed hard, panic settling in as I listened to the threatening stranger. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I realised that the stranger had no idea I was already on a call. With an Avenger nonetheless.
"I'll put it down," I narrated my actions, soon coming to realise that the object behind my back was in fact the barrel of a gun.
Hoping Wanda was still listening in and could hear the exchange, I put my phone on the ground and placed my shaking hand in the man's outstretched one. He tucked his gun back into the waistband of his jeans before tugging me down the steps and to a black van parked opposite my house.
Too paralysed with fear at the sight of two more strange men getting out the van, I felt my throat go dry and words get stuck at the bottom. Looking around, I hoped to find a neighbour's eyes or dog-walker's lost gaze, but nobody was here. Whoever these men were had timed their entrance perfectly.
When we reached the van, the back doors were opened and the man spun me around roughly before placing a bag on my head and shoving me inside. Hot tears ran down my face as I squeezed my eyes shut, wondering what the hell was happening and who these people were. But mostly, I hoped Wanda was already on her way.
The whole incident was over soon. That's what we were calling it now. The 'incident'. Of course, it could have been called other things... the kidnapping, the abduction, the capture. But we settled with the 'incident'. It was less explicit, as if minimising how utterly terrifying the whole experience was.
I never did find out who those men were. Wanda offered to tell me, feeling a need to explain herself and blame herself and drag herself down in the dirt to make me feel better, to bring me out of my silence and give me something to feel good about. I recalled her mentioning they were after her, getting to her through me – her girlfriend.
She rescued me quite quickly. Being tied up and locked away and left to cry like a child, wondering if I was going to die any minute at the hands of captors whom I had never met nor done anything to in my life, wasn't fun. People always wonder what they would do in those situations; maybe they would square up and put up a fight; maybe they would scream and shout and get everyone's attention; maybe they'd even retort with sarky remarks and go out with a blaze of glory.
I never imagined what that would be like, but I discovered I could do neither of those things. I just let them take me, let them threaten me and point their guns at me and tie me up and lock me away and–
I let myself cry and feel terrified and shake and lose my words and imagine the worst. Some would call that giving in, but this wasn't something you could prepare for. Surely my response was justified? I wasn't sure. I just knew that when Wanda burst onto the scene, taking out the men with ease and taking me out of there, taking me home, I was momentarily safe.
But then as she began to ramble off her explanations and apologies and regrets, I found myself turning in on myself, unable to hear her out. I didn't blame her one bit, but I also couldn't listen to one more second. So, I tuned her out.
I sat on the couch, staring at the way the thread was coming loose on one of my cushions. I thought about how quickly the whole 'incident' had happened. How one minute I was sat in a cell and now I was sat on my couch. How I was then shaking with fear and now I felt nothing.
"...you listening? Hey, are you okay?"
I only tuned back in when she sat on the cushion I was looking at. Her fingers rested on my cheek, guiding my head upwards so I was looking her in the eyes, glassy and red and swollen from crying. I probably looked the same, though I was all out of tears.
"I promise you nobody will be back here," she said with certainty, thumb stroking my cheek. "There's S.H.I.E.L.D. agents posted all along the street. And I'm happy to stay here if you need me to. You're safe now."
I knew I was. And despite my calm exterior, my heart was still racing in my chest, adrenaline still pumping through my body as if expecting to make a sudden break for it.
"What are you thinking?" she muttered, eyes flicking between mine curiously. "Talk to me. Please."
I shook my head, looking away. "I'm okay."
"It's okay not to be," she said quietly, squeezing my hand.
"I know."
So, we kept that bit up for a few more days, maybe a week. Me pretending I was okay, though still distant from Wanda as if she'd caught the plague, and her pretending she knew I was telling the truth.
But I knew she sensed the nightmares I had, waking me up in cold sweats. I knew she saw the way I tensed when a shadow cast along the wall from a moving object. Or the way I never faced the front door when unlocking it to get inside.
I guess she couldn't take it anymore at some point, possibly a week or two later, as when I was mixing my soup in a bowl after heating it up in the microwave, she sighed loudly.
"You okay?" I asked, glancing up at her. She was stood by the counter, seeming tired.
She'd been staying with me since the incident happened, obviously, and it was nice having her around so much, despite the circumstances. But I knew she was worried and had been keeping it in. I just didn't have the energy to acknowledge it.
"I'm fine," she said quickly, though her fingers still drummed on the countertop.
I let it go, shrugging, before paying attention to my soup. Her impatience was obnoxiously loud, filling the house with a discomfort she was dying to express. Eventually, she did.
"I'm not fine," she decided, and I stopped stirring my soup as I looked to her tugging on her sleeves distractedly. "I'm not fine because you're not fine."
"I've told you I am," I said monotonously, eyes boring into hers.
"I know you're not," she said, crossing her arms and hugging herself. "I've noticed you and..."
I quirked a brow. "And?"
She frowned, eyes softening with empathy. "Don't make me say it, Y/N."
I pressed my tongue to the back of my teeth as I looked down to my steaming soup.
"Talk to me," she pleaded, rounding the counter and leaning beside me, searching for my eyes. "I just want to help."
I swallowed hard. "I have nothing to say, Wanda."
"A really scary thing happened," she began hesitantly. "The fact that you don't have anything to say– that you've not said anything, isn't right."
"Well, I guess there's something wrong with me," I said dismissively, before grabbing the pepper grinder before me and using it.
"No, there's not," she reassured, not giving up. "You just need to talk.”
I set the grinder down, turning to face her abruptly. She straightened up with surprise, taking a small step back.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked, voice calm but full of unintentional malice. "Huh? What do you want me to tell you? That I'm terrified somebody is watching my house, waiting for a quiet moment to break in? That I have to follow you into every room you go in because I don't want to be left alone? That I can't fucking sleep because I'm scared that when I close my eyes, I'll be locked in a nightmare I can't escape? Is that what you want me to tell you? Does that make you feel better, Wanda? Because it doesn't make me feel any better. It just reminds me how fucking terrified I am."
I pocketed my shaking hands, blinked away the tears that threatened to fall, swallowed down the lump rising in my throat. She watched me, unsure what to say at first and I didn't blame her. It was an outburst waiting to happen.
"I'm–"
"Don't say you're sorry," I snapped, before flinching at my tone. "I know you're sorry. And I don't blame you for what happened. I just– I don't know what to do anymore."
Her eyes were studying me like green lasers burning holes into my skin and I hated that I couldn't meet them. I hated even more that I couldn't leave the kitchen out of anger or frustration because I was too scared to be left alone without her by my side.
So, I leaned against the counter, turning away from her, and let out a shaky breath, eyes burning and heart thumping in my ears. Her arms suddenly wrapped around me without question, and I let her take me into her chest, squeezing me so tight so I knew she was there.
Closing my eyes, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, but no sound came out. I struggled to breathe, unable to take in air through my nose as I stuffed my head so hard into her shirt that I couldn't see a thing except darkness. I knew I'd eventually be okay, that I'd eventually get back to some sense of normalcy. But for now, having her here with me was okay. And I found it much better to just be with her then have to go over and talk it out.
She was warm and strong and smelt like home and God, I loved her. I was lucky to have her.
It took about a month and a half to get over the incident. And after that, we never brought it up again. It was just easier that way. We continued on like usual, falling back into our old routine of having a separate us and her separate superhero life.
At some point, I thought it would be nice for her to meet my parents. They were back in town for the week, wanting to check in and see how I was. It was nice having them around and I was excited for them to meet Wanda, who I'd mentioned in some of our Skype calls.
"We don't have to make it a thing," I said as I proposed the idea. We were cleaning around Anna's apartment as she napped in her bedroom. "It's not like an 'oh, meet the parents' thing. They just happen to be in town and we're having a dinner, so I thought you might want to come. If you don't, it's not a big deal. I haven't told them to expect you. Not unless you say yes. Which you don't have to."
She chuckled, eyes gleaming with amusement. "Dorogoy (darling), calm down. Breathe."
I neatened the cushions on the couch with a bit too much force. "Am I not breathing? I'm pretty sure I'm breathing."
Her hands slipped into mine as she spun me around to face her. An amused smile on her lips, she said, "You need to relax. If you're like this now, then who knows what you'll be like on the night of the dinner?"
It took me a second to realise what she'd said and when I did, my eyes widened. "Wait, the night of the– does that mean you're going?"
She laughed, tugging me closer to her. "Yes, I'm going. I'd love to meet your parents!"
My shoulders relaxed as her fingers played with mine mindlessly. A smile appeared on my lips as I said, "Thank you. I– it'll be fun. No pressure. Just a dinner."
"Just a dinner," she confirmed, before kissing my forehead gently. "Can't wait."
And so on the day before my parents left for Scotland, yet another trip on their never ending retirement travels, I waited for Wanda to pick me up so we could go to a restaurant to meet my parents, who were already there after spending the day shopping in town.
She arrived at the door with a beautiful smile and bright eyes, looking me up and down.
"Just on time," I teased, tilting my head to the side, before being serious. "You look amazing tonight, Wanda."
"As do you, moya lyubov' (my love)," she said sweetly, leaning forward to kiss my cheek, before stepping inside. "Also, these are for you."
She removed her hand from behind her back as I closed the door, revealing a gorgeous, colourful bouquet of flowers.
"I saw them and thought of you," she began to explain without even realising how cute she was; a smile crept on my lips as she continued, "but then I realised I've never gotten you flowers before which is very dumb of me because a pretty girl deserves pretty flowers, right?"
There was no doubt that my face was heating up from the attention, flustered yet honoured at her words.
"Wanda, I love them," I said, accepting the flowers and meeting her gaze. "And to be fair, nobody has ever gotten me flowers before."
"You're kidding," she said with disbelief, stepping forward and wrapping her arms loosely around my waist. Reading my serious expression, she added, "Not even for your birthday? Or a celebration?"
I shook my head. "Nope."
She gave me a knowing look. "Well, that's very unfortunate. But I'm glad I could be the first."
I held her gaze, amusement dancing in her smile. Mirroring her expression, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her nose, making her scrunch it up delightfully.
"Me, too," I said, and I meant it.
"Come on, we should get going," she said, squeezing my waist before letting go. "Don't want to be late, do we?"
"We do not," I agreed, before putting the flowers in a vase of water and leaving them by the door.
"You ready?" she asked, holding open the front door.
I intertwined our hands and met her smile with my own. "I'm ready."
Taking the girlfriend to meet the parents. What could go wrong?
438 notes · View notes
itgirlification · 3 years
Text
supermodel | jjk
Tumblr media
the last three months have been hell for you, but Jungkook seemed to be living his best life.
pairing: ex-bf!jk x thick!reader
warnings: explicit mentions of body image and insecurities, infidelity, anal sex, oral (male receive), foul language (kinda), etc.
now playing: supermodel by sza
part two part three
Exactly three months ago, your and Jungkook’s 2 years relationship officially ended. Unofficially, it ended about 5 months ago. And for about one month now, Jungkook’s been seeing someone else.
Your heart and mind told you not to do it but you couldn’t help calculating. Three months ago, you were still dating, two months later, he started dating someone else. That must mean he’s known her for a while. Did he cheat on you with her? Well, it’s not like it matters now anyway, does it?
Her name was Yuki, an undeniable Japanese beauty. You were still in college, studying music and she was a famous model who appeared in internationally known magazines. You assumed she met Jungkook during a photoshoot since he was a professional photographer who often worked for companies like Vogue and Playboy. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her.
It wasn’t the fact that he moved on so quickly that hurt you the most. It was the fact that he knew all about your low self-esteem and how you lack confidence. Especially about your body. And he still went and dated a model, of all professions in the world. He was definitely over you.
If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he did it on purpose. But thankfully, you knew better, he looked too happy for that to be even considered. He forgot about you.
You’re making yourself sadder by remembering all the times he assured you you were beautiful and your body was nothing to be ashamed of. The times he let his fingertips run over the lines of your stretch marks, whispering in your ear how much he loved them and how they reminded him of Tiger stripes. The times he caressed your jiggly thighs and told you how sexy he thought they were.
Then your mind would drift back to the phone in your hand, the Instagram page of Yuki Sakurai opened, careful not to accidentally like anything and expose yourself. Not that she’d notice anyway, she had 3.7 million followers, while you had a private one with 500 followers and no posts, and she gets around 300 to 700 thousand likes on each post, depending on whether she posts random photos or pretty pictures of herself. Or newly, your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook. Oh, how crazy everybody goes whenever she posts him. People love them together. You couldn’t blame them. Two attractive people? Of course, they’re gonna look great together.
Fucking great.
That the end of your relationship with Jungkook would look like this was semi-predictable from the beginning. He did admit to you that he never thought he’d date someone that looked like you when you first dated. And your heart broke a little. But he also made up for it in those two years, it was a beautiful relationship nonetheless.
While you weren’t exactly his ‘ideal’ type, he was definitely yours. You always heard from other women ‘when in a relationship, the man always has to love the woman more than she loves him. Otherwise, it won’t work.’ You never really got the saying until your breakup with Jungkook happened. It was the fact that you clearly loved Jungkook more than he loved you that lead to this.
“Oh my goodness!”, your roommate, Jane, dramatically exclaimed. “Will you stop feeling bad for yourself and do something? That’s not what hot girls do, sis.”
Jane was a lovely girl with a not so lovely temper. She always means well and you got along perfectly as soon as you met. Which was around 3 and a half years ago.
She looked over your shoulder to see what you were looking at. You obviously didn’t want her to see you snooping around your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend’s Instagram but it was too late.
“Seriously, yn?”, she took your phone in her hand and threw it on the bed. “Let’s go somewhere, you can’t do this to yourself anymore. I’m not letting you.”
Jane was clearly worried about you at this point. The only thing you did these last few weeks was eating, shower, cry, sleep and miss a whole bunch of classes. This wasn’t good at all.
“Where?”, your question was short.
“To the mall? Or the nail studio? Anything that’ll get you out of this fucking dormitory.”, Jane sighed, pulling the blanket off of you, making you whine a little. “C’mon, go put on some cute outfit and we’ll go.”
You felt bad since she was trying hard to make you feel better. But it didn’t really work.
You nodded, standing up from the bed, nonetheless. You picked out a cute two-piece dress, that brought back blurred memories of the time you went on a date with Jungkook, wearing the same two-piece. Bet Yuki would look cuter in this...
‘Shut your petty ass up, yn. It’s embarrassing, the way you’re stuck on a taken guy who wants nothing to do with you’
You wish you could change the way you think, even if it’s just for an hour or two. You wish you would stop imagining Jungkook judging you when he saw you naked or when you told him that you wished you could cut off some of your fat with a pair of scissors.
You were beyond ashamed of yourself. Why wasn’t it easy for you to just stay by yourself? why were you so desperately in need of Jungkook by your side to the point where you’d lock yourself in your room for a month just because he isn’t there?
You needed Jungkook. You became so attached to him in those two years, because you always saw him as a permanent, a forever. Not just a temporary, not just a distant memory. You already saw him as the father of your children, as the man you’re gonna marry.
You were so blinded by the fact that you had him, that you forgot you could lose him anytime.
“I’m done, let’s go.”, unenthusiastically, you announced to Jane, who was already waiting for you.
“Let’s get the fuck outta here!”, In contrast to your spirit, hers seemed to be all roses and daisies. “Lord knows you need it...”
__________
“Look at this cute ass skirt, girl”, Jane pointed at a chic, wine mini skirt she was holding. “You know, when I saw it back there I wanted to have it, but it’d look so much better on you”
You took a few seconds to admire Jane’s beauty. She was about 3 cm taller than you, had a great posture, and almond, dark brown eyes that suited her dark skin tone perfectly. Her body leaned more towards the slimmer side.
“Shut up! No, it would not”, you let out a small giggle. “It would look gorgeous on you, buy it.”
She smiled a little at your laughs. She was happy to see you at least a little cheerful again. “Yeah, but I think it’d look better on you. I’m entitled to my own opinion, am I not?”
You knew this debate was gonna go back and forth, because of her stubbornness. “Let’s both buy the skirt.”
You ended up doing so, added by a bunch of bags full of clothing. This may’ve turned into your new coping mechanism. Who needed therapy when you can go on a shopping spree?
Two hours were spent in boutiques and clothing stores and Jane decided she was tired, wanting to visit the local spa.
“No, seriously, these Riverdale seasons just keep on getting worse and worse. Netflix needs to step up their game ASAP”, Jane ranted, making you laugh at how serious she takes it. “It’s getting embarrassing. I’m being for real.”
The two of you were sitting in the whirlpool at the spa, relaxing your whole bodies a little.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I don’t watch these new Netflix shows anyways. Been stuck on the vampire diaries for the last 7 years”, you chuckled, knowing you hated trying new things. “Can you pass me one of those magazines?”
Jane nodded, grabbing a random one from the table next to her and handed it to you, without looking at it.
The cover of it caught your eyes immediately. How could it not, when your ex’s new girl looks absolutely dazzling on the front page of it.
‘Supermodel Yuki Sakurai talks summer fashion tips, struggle with self-love and most importantly, her hot, new boyfriend the media is going crazy over’ was the headline of the Harper’s Bazaar Magazine cover.
You felt your stomach getting sick and your breath getting heavier, but you still flipped the pages until you found the one with her interview. You began reading it, skipping the boring parts.
‘Int: so, we see you have a new boyfriend. Tell us, how did you guys meet?
Yuki: Yeah, he’s an amazing guy. We actually met about six or five months ago at one of my photoshoots, since he’s a photographer and we exchanged numbers and stuff, and then we made it official mid last month.’
About six or five months ago? You were with him back then, but her answer was too unclear to find out if he cheated or not.
“Woah, yn, you okay?”
You entirely forgot about the fact that you were with Jane, let alone somewhere other than your bed.
Before you could react, Jane snatched the magazine out of your hand.
“You really can’t escape them, huh?”, She sighs, taking you in her arm. “It’s gonna be okay, baby. In a few months, you’re gonna look back to this and think wow I really was stuck on a guy who’s scared of microwaves and cried like a bitch when Iron Man died.”
You laughed, punching her arm playfully. “You know, I actually love these things about him. Shows his sensitivity and the way he perceives things.”
Jane looked at you as if she didn’t believe you were actually saying that stuff. “Girl, you’re overanalyzing this. Let’s just throw this shit in the trash, okay?”
She put the magazine aside.
“I just don't know what I did wrong.”, You murmured. “I know we weren't the best, but we didn't even fight that much. We could’ve talked it through.”
Jane pursed her lips and cooed. “You know, relationships are complicated sometimes. The reason why he broke up, to begin with, is probably not your fault.”
“Well, what if it is? I mean what if I was too fat or too ugly for him?”, you asked. “If he wanted a skinny girl so bad, I could’ve lost weight for him, I don’t get it.”
Jane looked at you like you lost your mind entirely. “I can’t believe you just said that! Even if that was the reason, which it wasn’t, you shouldn’t make yourself suffer because of it. That’s his loss. You’re beyond gorgeous and you have an amazing body.”
“You’re just saying that.”, tears slowly started coming up in your eyes. “But the thing is Jungkook knows all about my insecurities. Why would he do that to me? I know he knows that I’m still not over him.”
You usually didn’t like crying in front of other people, but you didn’t really care at the moment, besides that was Jane. You trusted her with your life.
“Girl, men are trash, I can’t believe you’re crying over one right now, seriously.”, she wiped your tears and held your face between her hands. “You know, honestly, I’ve read so many articles about how models actually hate themselves and have like the lowest self-esteem so in conclusion, no matter how miserable you are, his new girl is even more miserable.”
You knew Jane didn’t mean it in a harmful way, but it sounded harsher than needed. “I don’t hate her, she probably doesn’t even know about me. I’m just really insecure. He upgraded from me. He’s dating a whole model now.”
The situation just felt like a deja vu of these last few weeks laying in your bed, even though you were at the spa with your friend. You were supposed to have fun, yet you didn’t feel like having any.
“Why would you feel insecure when all you’ve seen of her are Instagram posts and red carpet pictures? She’s supposed to look beautiful, it’s her job.”
To a certain extent, Jane was right, but that didn’t really help your situation, you still felt bad about yourself. You stayed silent.
“C’mon, this isn’t fun anymore. Let’s leave.”, Jane mumbled.
_______
it’s been two days since the incident at the spa and you felt a little bit better now.
Those days were spent reading the same three book series you’ve read your entire life, overthinking, hot Cheetos, Indian takeout, and Netflix. It really wasn’t as miserable as it sounded.
You were just taking a little rest before term break ends and you have to go back to the shithole college again.
Jane was using the time until college starts again, but in different ways than you were. She was planning on going to some frat party in an hour and forget about the world’ for a minute. Or till 4 in the morning, where she will most likely drunk call you and ask you for a ride back to the dorms, because the friends she went to the party with were shit-faced as well and were in no way capable of driving anywhere without the cops stopping them.
Going out partying on a Friday night was a Jane tradition. In the past, you’d sometimes go with her, but you mostly spent your time out with Jungkook doing something more fun than partying could ever be. Now you can’t do that anymore, but laying in bed is more ideal than a party for you at the moment.
“How do I look?”, Jane twirled around to show off her black cocktail dress. She looked beautiful.
“You look beautiful.”, you responded to her question. “Are you leaving now?”
“Hm”, she said, to which you nodded. “You sure you don’t wanna come with me? It’s gonna be really fun.”
You shook your head no.
“Alright”, she shrugged, making her way out of your bedroom. “But I told you, it’s gonna be fun.”
You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “I’ll stay here, I have shit to do.”
“Yeah, right, like binge-watching the vampire diaries and taking 5-hour naps”, she said in a sarcastic tone. “Anyway, bye-bye, Vic’s already waiting for me in the car.”
Victoria was perhaps one of the most obnoxious people you know, yet she was too much of a nice person for you to talk shit about her. The voice of your intrusive thoughts couldn’t help but to, though.
“Alright, bye, take care and say hi to Vic from me.”
After Jane left, an hour went by like it was just a couple of minutes. You were starting to get real bored and decided to watch some regular tv in hopes to find something you enjoy. You ended up not finding anything fun, but you still watched it, because you didn’t have anything else to do.
A few moments later, the doorbell rang and you were suddenly worried. Either this is a serial killer or Jane forgot something.
But to your surprise, it was neither, but it was none other than
“Jungkook?”, truly, those were the only words you were able to mutter out at your shocked state. “What are you do-“
At the speed of light, you were interrupted by your ex-boyfriend pressing his lips to yours. He didn’t say a word.
You weren’t expecting him. Not knowing how you were supposed to feel at the moment, you just let it happen. You were sure your mental state couldn’t get any worse than that, no matter how this will affect you in the end.
“Is Jane home?”, for the first time in 3 months, you’re hearing his silky voice again.
Jungkook knew Jane always had some type of special hatred for him with her killing stares and her bitter comments. You didn’t notice either though.
He also knew she must hate him even more after your breakup. Or maybe she liked him more now since she was able to get rid of him without killing anyone.
“No”, your answer was short and it made a weight fall from Jungkook’s shoulders before he continued kissing you.
It wasn’t anything you haven’t done before, yet it felt like it’s been ages since it last happened. Your mind drifted to the thought of Jungkook and his model girlfriend. You were asking yourself what their sex life was like, if she was tighter than you or if she had stretch marks and scars.
Jungkook’s lips were moving south, giving your neck wet kisses, while you were wondering why he broke up with his model girlfriend. Or if he even did. You felt selfish for not caring.
Removing your clothes one by one, you were left in your underwear, while Jungkook only had his boxers on.
This body was yours. You knew it inside out. Where he liked to get touched and where he preferred not to. You knew him better than anyone else. You were sure.
You already moved to your bedroom, since Jungkook effortlessly carried you there. You were sat on his lap, facing him and your hands were in his messy hair. His hands were around your waist, he was slightly smiling into the kiss, as you started grinding on him. He loved how easy it was for him to turn you on. You were still his.
Cutting off the kiss, he looked you in the eyes, while his hand was on your cheek. “Say aah.”, he said.
You widened your mouth obediently, which was followed by him collecting as much saliva as he could in his mouth and spitting it into your mouth.
“Swallow.”, demanding, he spit on your face, his eyes become darker with every passing moment. You did as he said.
You looked at him with big eyes. He knew you loved it. You’ve always had a thing for him degrading and humiliating you during sex.
He started grinding on you almost desperately. You knew exactly what he wanted.
Getting out of his grip, you dropped to your knees and freed his hard dick from his drawers. You reached for it and started pumping it, and licking it. Your spit was leaking down his dick as you used it for lubrication. Then you started sucking on it, just the way you used to.
Jungkook’s groans and satisfied sighs were enough to make you even wetter than before. You enjoyed giving more than receiving.
Your mouth was wet and warm around him, giving him a feeling of familiarity. You lick over the tip a few times, then proceed to fully take him into your mouth.
The bulge in your throat could be seen and the way your eyes were tearing up a little wasn’t bothering you at all. You loved giving.
Jungkook started thrusting in and out of your warm, welcoming mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat multiple times.
“Fuck”, a throaty moan left Jungkook’s mouth, giving you hints that he was about to cum. And he did, releasing in your mouth before you swallowed it. “Shit, baby, that was so good.”
You felt your face heat up and a sheepish smile made its way to your face. Your throat was sore.
The two of you were on the bed again. To you, it felt like it was the times before your breakup again, when you’d purposely start an argument just for the makeup sex because Jungkook wasn’t giving you any anymore. It was like sex was the only thing to look forward to.
You felt attached to Jungkook to a point where it was dangerous. You weren’t okay when he wasn’t around. He affected every part of your life and God knew it wasn’t always a positive thing. Maybe it was the fact that he took your virginity. Maybe because he was your first boyfriend, the first guy that made you believe you were worthy of love and that someone was actually capable of loving you. One thing you knew was Jungkook had an expansive influence on your life.
While you were practically drowning in your own thoughts, Jungkook was busy taking off your underwear.
“You okay?”, Jungkook calmly asked you, looking at your riddled face.
“Huh? Yeah, I’m okay.”, you sounded distracted, Jungkook wasn’t sure about asking you what it is though. He didn’t feel like getting personal.
So he shrugged it off and started kissing you again, his dick was unsurprisingly hard again as he played with your tits. He drew lines over the stretch marks of your thighs and kissed them.
“Can I fuck your ass?”, Jungkook’s raspy, tired-sounding voice casually asked, to which you quickly nodded, knowing that Jungkook’s favorite position had always been anal. He was massaging and gripping your ass firmly.
“This is gonna hurt at first, but I promise it gets better.”, He warned calmly into your ear, while putting some lube on his dick and just went right into your ass, slowly thrusting so you don’t feel as much pain.
He was right, it did hurt a lot when he first put it in, but the pain just changed into pleasure in a matter of time and his slow-paced thrusts helped with the adjustment.
“Fuck, I missed this ass”, he practically growled into your ear, as he kept on thrusting in and out, steadily gripping your wide hips with his big, veiny hands. “It just doesn’t feel right when I’m inside her ass.”
You knew your confidence shouldn’t rely on Jungkook bringing his girlfriend down, but you couldn’t help but feel good about your body when he said that. It’s been a while since you felt even a tiny spark of confidence. You weren’t so fond of him mentioning her while he was inside of you.
Your soft moans rang through the whole room like sirens, while he watched your ass jiggle against his pelvis, thrusting in and out faster every second. He missed this.
You had always thought you were indecisive, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You just couldn’t have that, so you’d eventually have to settle for less.
Jungkook wasn’t to blame for it, you just couldn’t concede your shortcomings. The movie’s villain wasn’t always the real villain.
Your hands traveled to your pussy to make sure you’d orgasm as well, when you heard Jungkook’s breathing getting heavier and his thrusts getting gentler than before, indicating that he was gonna cum soon. You were certain he could make you cum with just anal, but you wanted to cum with him.
With furrowed eyebrows and drops of sweat dripping down his body, Jungkook looked down at your arched back. The whole scene was sticky, especially when Jungkook presses his upper body to your back, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and kissing the spot.
It was kinda odd, having sex with your ex-boyfriend you were crying over just a day ago. There was a certain intensity to it though. Like your long-lasting nostalgia was finally fulfilled.
You’ve realized you couldn’t imagine yourself being intimate with anybody else. Jungkook already knew your body, how it looked without the material protecting it, the strawberry skin, the slightly sagging breasts you swore you’d surgically remove once you had the chance to but didn’t. He knew where you liked being touched, he was the first one to even touch you in those places.
You were unsure what you’d do with yourself when he leaves.
Jungkook’s thrusts slowly started stopping and you too felt the familiar sensation in your stomach.
Suddenly, you two were nothing but desire, fear, and pleasure. And faster than you could process, you came together.
For minutes after your orgasm, you were just laying on the bed, thoughtless. Maybe a little regretful. Not you, but him.
You weren’t facing each other, but you could hear each other’s breathing. Your stomach was filled with something you’d describe as post-sex melancholia.
All of a sudden, Jungkook stood up from the bed, startling your resting self a little, but you decided to keep quiet, wanting to see what he was going to do.
He made his way to the door to leave what he thought was your sleeping body laying there. You couldn’t keep quiet anymore.
“Where are you going?”, your soft voice suddenly rang in his ears. “Don’t you wanna stay?”
He didn’t know how exactly to tell you. You’ve always been a gullible little girl, you were the type of girl to think fucking equals love. Little did you know that wasn’t the case at all.
“Yn.... you know I can’t”, Jungkook responded, you knew it wasn’t gonna be good when he said your name like that. “I got a girl at home and I don’t wanna mess shit up with her.”
There it was. Your suspicion was corroborated. He was still going out with the model and you were a certified home wrecker. Great.
You physically felt your heart breaking. “Bu- but why are you here then?”
You were incapable of being mad at him at the moment. It was your fault for letting him in, again. After breaking your trust and your heart.
“This was a mistake”, he declared, not looking into your eyes. “I’m sorry, yn...”
He’s moved past your room now, already at the exit of your dormitory. He was about to leave.
“You already ruined shit with her when you came here and fucked me.”, your voice was small, but your words were heard.
Without looking back, he left.
And you went back to your room, standing in the middle of it for a minute in silence before your brain fully processed what had happened and your tears started pouring.
743 notes · View notes
lazarettta · 3 years
Text
Misthios
Characters (Reader x Mother Miranda...?) 👀
Rating (T)
Word Count (2.8k)
Warnings (none, first half is has no dialogue, writing while high,)
Tumblr media
Once her little warrior, always her little warrior.
I'm sorry if it's hot 🗑💀
The fire was finally the way you wanted it and you could finally fucking rest. You'd been hiking all goddamn day through the rain and snow, and you just wanted a minute to rest and to eat. The sun was starting to set and you still needed to set up your tent, but for the moment you were content to just sit on the log and get warm.
“Who'd ever think a Spartan would be in Rome looking for answers, hm?” it was ironic, how you would've been accused of being a traitor or something like that back then. Ha...back then?
Truthfully you weren't sure anymore where your life really started it's been so long, centuries really if you were being honest. Sometimes even your own secrets were too overwhelming for you to admit, and as the years continued to pass you by it was getting harder and harder for you to hold onto the same principles you once believed in. The wars you've participated in, two of them by choice...and as a favor for the third.
It shouldn't have been possible but it was for you, it was both a blessing and a curse because you were nothing special...you grew up with Spartan blood running through your veins, pushed at a young age to hunt and to protect, it was a common tradition for families then, especially for the oldest or only children. Your didn't ever recall your father, he died in battle before you were born but your mother was there, always. Even if her face was blurry after all of the time that has passed you by—you still remember her teachings and her technique. Your mother was the best hunter in Sparta, proudly.
But after...after her passing, the streets taught you how to be a mercenary at a young age...and then an assassin, not by choice but by necessity because you weren't a good person then, not really, and you still weren't now...but you still had the will do what was right, and so you did.
And maybe that is why the Gods did not let you die in the battlefield when you'd been caught off guard, for what is no longer relevant as it is now long gone, but the scar left through your heart would forever stain you inside and out by some random Greek bastard. You don't remember much of the dying part as much as you remembered how badly it hurt and how livid you were watching him stand over you with his bloody sword raised to the heavens. But just like your pain, that emotion was ebbed away as you laid there dying.
And die you did. And your body laid there for who knows how long but when you woke up, oh you sprung up ready to fight but there wasn't a fight left to be had...the war was over...but you didn't know that until you woke up the second time. Not realizing that your body was next to be burned in the ditch as the battlefield was being cleared of all the corpses from both sides. A gruesome chore performed by the prisoners taken by Sparta.
You had no idea why the Gods healed you and brought you back from the dead, you didn't deserve a second chance (at the time you didn't realize that it was a power). You were blessed by the Gods and that's all that it was, people looked at you with both awe and envy. Some gave all of their iron and dearest family possessions as a gift to the Gods in hopes that their wishes were granted. They hated you and you did not care. You were unstoppable, everyone wanted your attention and your skills—it made you arrogant and stupid for years. And when you caught a pretty nasty gash across your back from a werewolf that ambushed you and your horse, your leathers had been torn and bloody by the time you speared your way through four of those beasts. But while there was blood, there was no wound...the only evidence were the scars it left behind.
Snap!
You turned your head slightly, a few strands of your hair falling in front of your ever sharp (y/e/c) eyes. You stayed perfectly still, eyes scanning the forest surrounding you but there was nothing after several moments. Just as well...with a loud sigh, you finally got up to put up your tent for the night and probably for the next few nights too. You slipped your hunting knife back into your boot but kept it unhooked just in case.
You lived in a time where guns existed but you were always better with a blade. You may not be an active misthios now (mercenary in today's world) but old habits were hard to kick. You were too old and too wise now, even if you didn't look a day over twenty-eight.
The next morning...
You woke with a start your grip around your obsidian hunting knife so tight your knuckles your skin strained against bone. You didn't have a dream but something woke you up, and it wasn't those damn birds chirping literally above your tint. With the help of the morning sun you could even see the spot where one of them pooped. Great. You laid there for a few more minutes, finally relaxed enough to move. You checked your surroundings again, walking around your camp but that feeling of unease didn't go away but it wasn't as strong.
Today was clearer than it was the day before though you still had to deal with the snow and the cold, not that either really bothered you too much. Leaving your camp behind, marking the trees so that you had a way to find your way back through these unfamiliar woods, you set off to find breakfast. You came to an edge, a cliff's peak and you went to stand on the edge of it—to maybe see the rest of the mountain you were exploring but something caught your immediate attention.
When was the last time you ever saw a castle? Not...not those tourist marks they have all over Europe but a castle. The place was eerie but most castles always felt that way to you...but this was different? It was as if the castle was looking right back at you, mocking you. From your vantage point you could make out the edges of a lake through the thick trees, you couldn't see it very well but you could tell it wasn't small nor was it man-made.
It was a pleasant surprise to discover this as you assumed that your trip would mostly be you exploring this cold ass mountain without a proper guide but you didn't need anyone to know why you were really up here, your reasons concerned no one but yourself. That and you knew you'd end up leading your guide. You were better off alone. Or at least that's what you kept telling yourself that but those words stopped being comforting a very long time ago. Not like fate was giving you much of a fucking choice though.
Your stomach growled, reminding you of your hunt...you glanced down at the village below the castle curiously before turning away from the ledge, the heavy aura of the castle still on your back.
~~
Fat and full, that's exactly how you'd describe yourself at the moment. There were more predators in the area than there were prey it seemed but the rabbit you caught seemed plentiful enough. With winter kicking in, the most worrisome predator in the woods would be hibernating leaving nothing but the wolves and maybe a mountain lion for you to deal with if you're lucky. You hefted your smaller backpack onto your back and left your camp, deciding to check out the village to see if you could learn more about the castle.
You were both excited and curious, you'd spent a majority of your modern life exploring the wonders of the Earth and using the currency you've collected throughout your lifetimes to fund whatever myth caught your eye. In other words, you were bored but the thought of war and fighting no longer made your blood sing or your heart race. You've done so much of that already, and lost so much because of it.
“Get back! Get back! Agh—GET THE FUCK BACK!”
Your legs stopped moving immediately and your gloved hand was already wrapped around the hilt of your hunting knife, ears trained. You heard growling and barking not too far from where you stood, maybe two or three hundred feet to your right just through those bushes and that fallen tree. It sounded as if someone was having a bit of trouble with a pack of wolves. Which struck you as odd, you were still pretty high up on the mountains and you hadn't seen anyone else up here in a week, so it couldn't have been a local...could it?
The growling grew more intense and there were sounds of a scuffle and grunts but the man still sounded alive.
And it wasn't your problem. Your days of coming to the rescue were over. You allowed your hand to fall from your knife. You got maybe seven steps away before the man spotted you, he caught a glimpse of your fur lined hood and started screaming for you to help him just as one of the wolves snapped the branch he was holding in half, forcing his back against a tree. His time was counting down now.
He was yelling so loud, you were sure even the villagers could hear him now. There was no way you could walk away now.
“Fucking hell.” with a heavy sigh, you dropped your backpack and stalked in the direction of the soon to be crime scene. You didn't feel the need to mask your presence, you wanted the wolves to know that you were there and that ultimately saved that man's life. The wolves were honed in on you the moment you stepped through the bush but three shots echoed through the small clearing before any of them could pounce in your direction. The echoes faded away quickly, and you sighed again watching the white snow stain red beneath the furry corpses.
The only other sound heard was the man's heavy breathing as he leaned against a tree. You looked down at your gun before putting it back in it's holster on your lower back, you may prefer blades but it was always better to have something and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
“Thank...thank you,”
You looked at the man with furrowed brows...just by looking at him, you knew that he wasn't a native but the moment he opened his mouth only confirmed it. He was American...you spotted all of his gear nearby, torn to shreds and you scoffed.
“I don't think camping is for you.”
“I don't think so either,” He tried for a smile but it was only a grimace, the blonde man pushed himself from the tree and approached you, carefully stepping around the wolves bodies, “I'm uh a bit lost, I guess.”
“And I'm leaving.”
“Wait!” he rushed around you, stopping you and you could've gone through the man if you wanted to...you were taller than him by an inch or two, and you definitely had more mass than he probably knew what to do with, “Listen, I'm obviously not from here, but I'm trying to find my daughter okay, she's—”
“I'm not from around here,” you held your hand to make him stop while simultaneously telling yourself that you're not about to get involved in someone else's mess and derail your own mission, “I'm sorry about your kid, but I can't help you.”
He frowned at you obviously not happy with your answer but he was quickly reaching into his pocket and any normal person, especially someone who is armed, would've taken a step back but you weren't some ordinary person. You simply raised an eyebrow, because you knew that he wasn't going to attack you even though he was probably fully capable of doing so. You assumed that he was about to dig out a baby picture or something but it was just a sheet of paper with writing on it. You took it before he could shove the damn thing in your face and you looked down at it carefully, keeping your face neutral.
“I can't read whatever language that is.”
You glared up at him from beneath your lashes, “And you think that I can?”
“Can you?” he shot back, and you rolled your eyes...your attention back to the paper before shoving it back in his hands, “Well?”
You nearly scowled at his impatience, “It's a mix of Romanian, Serbian and Tatar. Whoever sent that clearly doesn't want anyone else to know what's on it.”
“So you can read it then?”
“Bits and pieces,” You said with a shrug, “I'm not expert but someone named Beneviento is demanding a shorter route for wine delivery from that giant castle.”
He stared at you then down to the paper, which was full from top to bottom, then back to you, “What...that's all? Are you sure?? No, that can't be all...there has to be something about my daughter here! Here, please, just try again slower—”
“That's all I could read.” you shouldered past him, throwing your hood back up and ignoring his calls after you. Your backpack was exactly where you dropped it, you shook off the snow and threw it back on your back not caring about the cool wetness on your back now—you just wanted to get away from this area as quickly as possible. You should've used your knife as those gunshots gave away your position.
“Amateur hour everyone,” you grumbled under your breath...you veered off the path slightly, just in case he tried to follow you (wouldn't be the first time someone tried to force you to help them).
You'd maybe walked for a mile or two down the mountain before you noticed the hairs on the back of your neck standing, you chanced a casual glance over your shoulder but there was no one there, no man nor animal. Licking your dry lips you turned back around but as you were doing so, you caught something in your peripheral. A dark figure, twenty feet away and that's when you noticed how fucking quiet everything was around you...you forced yourself to keep walking even as a feeling of dread began crawling up your back, like two sharp fingers walking along the ridges of your spine.
Pushing the hood from your head, you whirled around with your knife drawn at your side gripping it with the intentions to kill but there was nothing there except two large obsidian feathers fluttering gently down onto the snow at your boots. Feathers?
Cool breath touched the base of your neck when you heard soft chuckling directly behind you. You turned around sharply, easily flipping your knife around but the mass of darkness in front of you disoriented you for a split second and that was all this creature needed. Before you could plunge your knife into it's feathery belly, a pale hand shot out and caught your wrist in a bruising grip as another hand curled itself around your throat, sharp nails oh so slightly pricking your skin.
You were about to kick away when the creature leaned forward, and it's face came from beneath the hood...only it wasn't an it, it was a she, though her entire face was hidden by the gold headgear you could see her lips and...and her eyes.
A pair of eyes you'd never forget in any of your lifetimes. It felt like a millennia ago when those eyes alone had you on your knees covered in fresh warm blood and exhausted from tearing through small armies.
Despite yourself, you were trembling in her ironclad grip, your hand that wasn't still trapped fruitlessly came up to wrap around her wrist as if that was going to help you. You both knew that it wouldn't. She brought you closer until your feet were no longer on the ground and you could feel the tip of your blade pressing against something...no, her...and your nose was nearly touching her helmet.
“ο μικρός μου πολεμιστής...” (my little warrior...) her cool breath washed over your face, her eyes still boring down into yours so intensely you swore you felt the heat, even as her hand tightened around your throat making you choke, but you were fighting against her... “επιτέλους ήρθες σπίτι μου...” her chuckle fell on deaf ears. (you've finally come home to me...)
~~
You were supposed to run into Alcina first 😭, but Miranda works too...(save the best for last obvi) I don't know I am playing Odyssey while waiting for this game to drop and I went The Old Guard route too so then I just ended up writing some shit, and I wanted to try something that's not so maiden-esque lol so I hope it's enjoyable at least...I honestly might make this a WIP...
320 notes · View notes
nanaminokanojo · 3 years
Text
BLOOM | Sukuna X You | Part 1/3
Tumblr media
CHARACTERS: Sukuna X You | Gojo Satoru | Geto Suguru | Shoko Ieiri | Maki | Fushiguro Toji | Baby Megumi | Megumi's Mom (OC) CHAPTER COUNT: 1/3 WORD COUNT: 8900+ GENRE: romance | fluff | slight angst | (eventual) smut | ooc sukuna | female reader CHAPTER TRIGGER WARNING: profanity/strong language | alcohol use | cigarette smoking | age gap | unhealthy simping XD SPOILERS: N/A
collection masterlist
one two three | Bloom Masterlist
His hair was the color of cherry blossoms, that's the first thing you noticed. It was the softest shade of pink, easy on the eyes, reminding you of the tendrils of filtered rays of the sun lightly touching the edges of clouds very early in the morning. Or your favorite angora wool sweater.
The man stole your attention from the book you were reading when you chanced a look from your periphery just to check who sat on the stool beside your usual spot on the bar – the seat at the very end by the wall. Your planned glance turned into a furtive stare at the sight of him from his candy-floss-hued hair, the rippling muscles hidden under his white oxford shirt and the array of tattoos that peeked through his neatly folded sleeves. And boy, since when did men smell like vanilla and spring while also exuding such a virile scent?
A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth at the thought, internally shaking your head at your behavior. You should not be staring at people, and though you weren't exactly ogling him, you were still observing him enough to associate him with your favorite article of winter clothing.
"Hey. The usual for you?" you heard Maki, the bar owner, ask, giving you the idea that the man was a regular. How you haven't spotted him before was a mystery.
If it was already hard concentrating on the novel you were reading, you've completely forgotten about it when you heard him say, "Make that single-malt." It's either the gates of hell opened at the sudden heat you felt on your skin at the sound of his voice or the gates of heaven did with how delicious it sounded in your ear, thick like honey and deep with a distinct ring to it. It got you wondering what his mother craved for when she was pregnant with him, and your brain said, "Greek gods," when you lifted your eyes from the current page you were reading and briefly exchanged looks with him as he shifted his line of vision from Maki to you.
You turned your eyes back to your book, making it seem like you were just absently looking about, but in reality, it took herculean effort to wrench your gaze from him. In that brief meeting of your eyes, the features of his face registered in your head like a bar code scanner, etching itself in your mind like a white-hot brand. He wasn't shockingly handsome, but he was beautiful in his own right with those intense eyes that reminded you of drowning pools and the rugged yet refined planes of his face. It was as if an artist painted him in passionate anger, slowly fell in love with the piece and began redefining his features with gentler strokes.
You turned the page of your book despite not getting any reading done. Well, it has been the case for a considerable amount of minutes now, but you tried anyway, furiously staring down at the new page but not comprehending anything. Your eyes kept scanning the same sentence over and over again but it was not sinking in at all.
"Excuse me, miss," that deep voice you've already developed a strange affection for assaulted your senses again, making your head snap up to the direction it was coming from. Hell, you think you'll do its owner's bidding just hearing it at the rate you were going, reacting automatically as if you were programmed with a voice prompt or something.
You were about to look at him but Maki caught your attention as she pushed the smoothie you ordered towards you, placing it precisely in front of you on the hardwood surface with her fingers. She arched a brow at you, causing you to stiffen on your seat.
You've been coming to the quiet little bar since you grew old enough to drink. In fact, you considered it your regular watering hole, going there whenever you can even in the day as it doubled as a gastro-pub. You've already come to know the staff who reserved the spot for you every single time you told them you were coming, particularly the tough but very lovable Maki. She's basically a friend now, and you knew you were acting off if she was giving you odd looks.
"Thanks, Maki," you said just in time, even managing to smile. She just shook her head at you before walking away to tend to another client.
"I have to know what book you are reading," the person beside you said just as you began sipping on your drink, which, you've noted, was a cherry blossom tea smoothie that reminded you of him.
You let go of the straw between your lips, swallowing hard. Turning your attention to him, you found him sitting sideways, chin propped on the heel of his palm as he regarded you. "Huh?" was all you could manage to say to him.
A slow, crooked smile etched itself across his mouth, the action appearing sensuous with the gradual way his expressions changed. "That book," he said for your benefit. "May I know what it is about?"
You just blinked, still questioning yourself if he was addressing you.
"If you're that engrossed about it, it must be great," he said. "Mind telling me the title?"
"Book?" you asked dumbly. He was really frying your brain.
He pointed at the book you were holding with his lips, protruding them slightly before smiling again. Jesus, you loved the way he smiled. The gesture didn't belong there when you've already thought he was the smirking, grinning-devil type. It was too soft a gesture, but then again his hair was shell-pink – a contradiction to his stridently brawny features.
"Oh." Despite yourself, you found yourself chuckling. "I'm sorry, I was distracted."
"Not by the book, I hope."
You looked away, smiling to yourself as you closed the object in question and slid it over to him. When you looked at him, you were surprised to see him actually reading the synopsis at the back, interest flickering in his dark eyes. You were already expecting him to just read the title, probably the author, too, thinking he was just flirting with you judging by his last words. But he was actually reading it.
"It's about an architect," he stated. "He must be mind-blowingly awesome if you're too transfixed on his story."
"No, Howard Roark is mostly a recalcitrant bastard who breaks rules here and there, doesn't cooperate or collaborate and is stone-faced about most anything."
"But it's what you like about him," he supplied.
You nodded. "He’s a breath of fresh air in a world governed by stuffy archaic principles. The spring to a long, stagnant winter of conformity. I'm in love with him." Noticing the look of amusement on his face, you were quick to add, "What?"
"Nothing." His smile didn't waver though. "Are you an architect, too?"
"Too?" you repeated with inflection then tilted your head. "Ah, you're an architect, huh?"
"Guilty."
"Any projects of note?" you asked, tilting your head in wonder when he seemed flustered. "What is it?"
He shook his head slowly. "You're very straightforward."
At that, you grinned. "Should I take you out to dinner before I get that information?" You sipped leisurely at your smoothie, glad that you throw him off as much as he flusters you.
"You don't have to," he found himself answering anyway. "But I work for a firm, so they get most of the credit. We built that new hotel at Shinjuku."
"Eh? Didn't pin you for a baroque kind of guy."
"You know..." He was all ears now judging by how he leaned closer to you. He leveled his expression to yours then. "So, what kind of guy did you think I am?"
There it is, you thought, the smirk you've been waiting for. Without giving it much thought, you said, "The Howard Roark type, of course."
***
"You seriously don't remember, do you?"
It wasn't that you didn't. You simply had no idea how you got home, considering how you ended up all smashed after enjoying too many margaritas after your smoothie. You seriously just didn't know certain things. You didn't know what happened after you reached your limit. And out of all the things you know you should not have missed, you didn't know his name.
You were sitting on the kitchen counter, nursing a headache, trying to fill in every bit of information your friends were trying to leech out of you in your addled state. You've been expecting it - the great inquisition - especially after you returned in a state lesser than they've been expecting, unconscious, according to the collective stories of your roommates, when you told them you were just stepping out to get some reading done. And on a school night, no less. Very atypical of you indeed.
"What should I be remembering?" you responded to Ieiri. You weren't exactly fond of her worrisome nature although you knew she was just watching your back especially since she has been rather disapproving of your escapades with these guys you somewhat dated back then. You appreciated it, but it didn't mean you liked it.
"Oh, I don't know, Y/N. Strawberry blond? Tats? Drives a Jeep? Ring any bells?" she said, jogging your memory. "He came knocking at two in the morning, carrying you in his arms. I mean he was hot according to Satoru, but do you even know the guy?"
“Cherry blossom,” you absently corrected the color Ieiri mentioned.
“Huh?”
“Him, I remember.” You smiled at the thought, not hiding your delight from them. You were sure they were just annoyed that they weren't in on the action since Satoru, your other friend and roommate, who seem nonexistent recently, was the one who interacted with the man you met and supposedly brought you back to the house you rented with all of them. And Satoru doesn't know basic decorum to actually ask what the man’s name was. "Howard."
"Howard?" Suguru, another one of your friends who was in the literature department as you were, asked. "Howard Roark?" He knew the reference, obviously. You forced him to read the book before it even became one of your study materials.
You nodded enthusiastically. "He's an architect."
"He didn't look like a 'Howard,' apparently," Ieiri said.
"That name is from her favorite book," Suguru supplied, his dark eyes shifting to you as he tucked some stray strands of his long, raven locks which were currently tied in a half-up. "So your guy's an architect, too."
"That, but he isn't 'my guy' and I don't know what his name is."
He grinned then. "If you're openly calling him by the name of the character you claim to be in love with, I'm assuming..."
"No!" Ieiri gasped.
You laughed despite the action making your head hurt. You were still hungover after all, but you didn't mind, not when you knew you had a good night. Probably a great night to allow yourself to be hammered like you have been. You only ever drank to your fill when the company is great and when you were in a jovial mood.
"It's nothing like that. He just feels like spring time. Looks like it, too." You waved your hands in front of you for emphasis. Still, your expressions said otherwise.
You weren't in love with the man because you didn't believe in mushy things like love at first sight, but you knew you liked him, just that you weren't getting your hopes up cause there's a chance you might not see him ever again, assuming your meeting was something transient like the blossoms his hair made you think of. Even if he was a regular at Maki's, if your schedules didn't coincide with one another, it would not be easy to meet. You've been coming to the same bar for years and yet, you've only ever seen him that time. You never really know.
But then, you got your answer pretty quickly.
From: Satoru
See you at 7 tomorrow night. Same place.
That’s how Satoru's message read, sent late the previous night. You almost forgot about the agreement you’ve had with him to get unlimited barbecue after sleeping the rest of the day but you made it out just in time. It was something you did with all three of your friends as a way to bond with them individually.
You glanced at the clock on your phone, feeling the stares of the restaurant staff on you. Well, you’ve been there for more than an hour waiting for him. One hour and thirteen minutes to be precise. All you’ve ordered so far was a glass of lemonade and you were able to finish that in the first half hour, sitting on a table for two when evidently, you were alone. All your texts were ignored and your calls were always being redirected to voicemail.
“Where the fuck are you, Gojo Satoru?” you asked him in one of your messages, hissing low into your phone just so the other diners would not be offended by your words. You got a message another twenty minutes later, the sound of your phone almost making you jump from your seat. However, when you looked at it, it was from an unknown number.
You were about to check the message when one of the waitresses came to your table, pad and pen on the ready. She’s always the one who served you whenever you and your friends would go there for a dose of beef and pork fat, and she has always been nice to you.
“Not to be nosy but I think your friend isn’t coming.”
You nodded, grimacing. “Tell me about it.”
“The boss has been giving you the stink eye, too.”
Looking over the counter, you saw the elderly man really looking at you. He looked away when you met his eyes, muttering to himself. You knew how the owner could get, but you simply loved going there since their food is good and the service is just the same. You smiled ruefully at the woman before you. “I’ll have a sukiyaki set and warm sake, please. Thank you.”
“Would that be all?”
“Yeah.”
“Coming right up.” She flashed you a bright smile before disappearing into the back rooms.
You almost forgot the message you saw earlier, but then, your phone lit up again with that familiar tone. The new message was from the same number.
From: Unknown
How are you?
From: Unknown
I hope you’re okay.
You frowned, not having the slightest clue as to who could be texting you.
From: You
Who is this?
Your order came but there was no response from the mystery texter or Satoru. You felt pathetic looking at your phone every once in a while as you ate and drank. Normally, you wouldn’t even have given anybody, including your best friends, the time of the day, making you wait for longer than an hour without as much as a message. You don’t ever wait for people over the agreed meeting time. You hated it with passion. And you were already thinking of ways to make Satoru pay.
You were about to eat a mouthful of beef when you heard the chair across you being dragged back. Your eyes flicked to the direction, and to your utter shock, you almost dropped your chopsticks if it weren’t for the hand that reached out and held onto your hand, securing the utensils.
Once again, you were sitting on your usual spot at the bar, eyes clashing with those intense ones owned by the pink-haired guy who apparently drove a charcoal grey Jeep and reminded you of spring, the same one who drove you home the other night.
“Careful,” he said, his scent assaulting your senses.
A lump formed in your throat, making you unable to form proper words, so you settled for putting down the chopsticks. You folded your hands together on your lap, recovering from your consternation before you finally looked at him, unable to help it but grin. He looked different that day, more laid back in a white baseball cap mussing his candy-floss hair down, a loose-fitting shirt in the same hue and jeans. He looked so fresh, you felt the air around you cool down considerably.
“How did you…” you hesitated and shook you head. “Hello.”
He broke into that crooked smile. “Crazy how the moment you sent the message, I saw you through the glass walls while I drove past.”
You opened your mouth to say something, but closed it again, not quite knowing how to react to it when suddenly, the first part of his statement registered in your mind. “Wait, message?” You picked up your phone, showing him the messages. “This is you?”
He nodded slowly. “Looks like you’re doing great.” He regarded the bottle of sake on the table. “I had to get your number to check up on you. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Y-yeah, I mean, no, not at all. Thank you by the way.” You chuckled, saving his number and naming him Spring God in your contacts. “I wasn’t really expecting you to bring me home.”
“I got your address from your driving license.” He grinned then. “I thought of taking you back to my place, but I didn’t know how that would sit with you.”
Who says chivalry was dead? “I’m sorry for acting crazy, if I did anyway." You chuckled. "I don't remember…and for having to bring me all the way to the house.”
“It’s fine. It was lovely meeting Satoru.”
At that, your face flushed red. You winced. “I’m sorry for whatever he did while I was out of it.” He could be crazy at times, and you wouldn't be surprised if he did something untoward.
He shook his head, letting out a slight chuckle. “He was very nice to me, don’t worry.” He furrowed his brows then. “I also got your name. Y/N. I don’t know if you forgot to tell me or you just didn’t trust me enough, but I’d like to think it’s the former since you didn’t seem to think twice about getting wasted with me like you did.”
You deliberately didn’t tell him your name, but he was making it sound a little nicer. It wasn’t really something you planned on doing again, meeting him, but somehow, he found you. You shook you head, coming clean. “If you put it that way, okay, but really, I thought it was better if you didn’t know.”
“Hmm. Why is that?”
You found it endearing that he tilted his head a bit to the side when he asked the question. Your lips curled upwards at the corner. “I just never thought I’d meet you again.”
“That would be unfortunate.”
You laughed awkwardly at his remark. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way.”
“I’m not offended.”
“Okay.”
You requested for another order of barbecue for him. He declined but you insisted. “Come on. My treat for your act of kindness.” You snickered. “Besides, my supposed date bailed.”
“Date?”
Sighing, you said, “Well, not really. Satoru. We agreed to meet here over an hour ago but he hasn’t been answering my messages or calls. Something probably came up.”
He eyed you thoughtfully. “If you don't mind me asking, is he your...?"
"My what?"
"Your boyfriend…maybe."
You chuckled at the thought, but then you realized you didn't even know his name. "I don't really tell strangers about things like that," you teased.
“Okay, but I thought we’re past being strangers.” He smirked then and you swore you felt your stomach flip.
“We’re in the getting-to-know-each-other phase,” you told him with a laugh, acceding. "Since I didn't tell you my name, I didn't expect you to tell me yours. Plus I didn't ask, so may I have yours?"
"Sukuna," he said. "Ryomen Sukuna."
"Su-ku-na," you repeated, liking the feel of the syllables as they rolled out of your tongue. Finally, the person you've gotten so fond of in just a short time had a name. You didn't know what his name meant but it seemed to match him well regardless of how arbitrary it was to his person. You couldn't think of any better name though. "I like your name. It's pretty." You smiled brightly at him then. "And no, Satoru is not my boyfriend."
Ryomen Sukuna was an absolute puzzle to you. How he could look so badass and pretty much intimidating with his strapping physique and inked skin – throw in the multiple piercings on his left ear which you were noticing or the first time – while also pulling off all these adorable little actuations was a quandary to you. Tall, solidly built men like him should not be reminding you of soft, cute things, but the moment he blinked in confusion, you knew you couldn't get enough of it.
"Nobody ever said that about my name, but thanks," he returned in that deep voice after a moment's pause. And was that a dusting of roses over his cheeks? The surprises you were getting from this man was endless. He really was such a breath of fresh air, so far from the usual stereotypes.
Your face seemed to be perpetually pulled into a smile whenever you were around him, and you didn't think you were doing a good job suppressing the urge to be beaming like an idiot around him. "So, anyway, what made you think that blue-eyed idiot is my boyfriend?" you asked, changing the topic.
"Well, he was a bit hostile at first when he took you from me, making me explain things but then started apologizing after. He told me you could be a handful when inebriated..." He let his voice trail off as if letting you chew on his words.
"You agree with him." It wasn't a question.
"Yes." Sukuna pretended to frown. "He also calls you 'his princess'."
You threw your head back, covering your eyes momentarily in embarrassment. "Now I wish you met Ieiri and Suguru instead," proceeding to explain that the nickname was something akin to what a father would call his precious daughter.
"He was rather intimidating, but I guess he's just looking out for you."
"He's still not off the hook for standing me up," you quipped, "But you finding him intimidating is funny."
"Why?"
You scoffed, gesturing over to him. "I think you can snap him in two if you wished, too."
"He was scary," Sukuna insisted.
"He's harmless...most of the time, but yeah, he’s rather protective. That’s one of my dads for you."
He laughed then. "There's nothing scarier than a fiercely protective friend…or a doting father. I can't muscle my way out of that for sure."
"Ah, then you'll find Ieiri scarier."
The night pretty much went well and ended on a good note. Sukuna did most of the talking for the rest of the night. You learned he was six years older than you at twenty nine, one of the head architects at the firm he worked for, has a love-hate relationship with his job cause he wants to draw portraits instead, was a delinquent when he was younger but got away with things cause he was a straight-A student, loved dogs so much that he cries when they die in movies, was closer to his mom, got his tattoos on a sudden whim, and was pretty much a sweet, charming genuine person which contrasted his appearance. What you see isn't what you get. That just isn't how it worked with him.
You loved it when he talked. It was rather entertaining as he had a way of telling stories which made you feel like you were actually there when it happened. Eventually, you forgot the reason why you were at the restaurant in the first place. It was as if you went there for the purpose of meeting Sukuna himself. Satoru was all but forgotten as you dissolved into carefree laughter and playful banters, and you felt at ease and more like yourself around him, pretty much like when you were with your three favorite people in the world.
“It’s not really that funny,” Sukuna told you, watching you laugh heartily at that one episode in his freshmen year when he made a mistake of going on a date with the wrong girl who happened to have the same name as his supposed date. You continued to laugh as if he didn’t say anything.
“It’s just crazy that both of them were there at the same time. I mean, what were the odds?”
He parked by the sidewalk in front of your house, killing the engine. “That’s the reason why I have never agreed to a single blind date ever again.” He pulled the key out of the ignition, glancing at the direction of your house. “We’re here.”
Your laughter died down when you followed the direction of his gaze. The lights were off except for the one lighting up the porch of the house you shared with your friends. You returned your gaze to him then. “Thanks for driving me home. Again.”
“I enjoyed your company. It’s the least I can do.”
You smiled warmly at him, reaching over to give him a chaste kiss on the cheek when he suddenly turned his head a fraction towards you. That minute change made your lips end up against his instead. He was surprised at first and remained immobile against you, but when you pulled away, he chased you back, connecting your mouths, his lips feeling soft and warm yet emitting that air of dominance as it coaxed yours to move in sync with his. You were kissing him back in no time, but you immediately caught yourself and withdrew, utterly flustered.
Your heart thudded heavily as he held you in his intense gaze, his tongue slowly running over his lower lip, making you even more mentally incapacitated. It made you want to just pull him back to you and covet those lips with yours again. You snapped out of it though. You already knew he was capable of hot-wiring and hijacking your brain.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you told him when you were able to form words again.
Sukuna looked at you from under his lashes, smiling slightly. “I’m not.”
Taken aback, you chuckled nervously. “No?”
He shook his head, reached over and ruffled your hair a bit. “Go inside. It’s late.” You nodded and disembarked from the car while he leaned on the steering wheel, watching you. You were already on the pavement, about to close the door, when he spoke again. “Can I come see you again?”
“Sure,” you said without thinking. “Good night, Sukuna.” Man, you just loved saying his name.
“Bye, Y/N. Good night.”
He drove away while you made your way towards your doorstep. Your fingers flew to your lips once you were standing on your porch, smiling to yourself at the realization of having kissed him. Shaking your head, you fished for the keys from your pocket and entered the house, not quite remembering how you got to your room, but you slept that night with pleasant dreams of running your fingers through pink locks of hair.
***
"I'm really sorry. Something came up and my phone died."
You acceded. It wasn’t as if Satoru did something so big. You went to the outdoor kiosks near the parking lot by the football grounds to catch up on some reading while Satoru ate and told you bits of his past few days, since he got held up at their family estate. Having such a traditional, high-ranking family in the country sure had its downsides, and you weren't about to make him even more agitated than he already was. He had it difficult, you knew that, and you weren’t about to be petty over him not coming to your supposed bonding time. He may be happy-go-lucky but you felt tension simmering just under the surface when you squeezed his hand in assurance.
Suguru and Ieiri followed shortly after Satoru fetched you from class, also surprised to see him there. "So, you finally decided to show up," the former said.
"Don't ask," Satoru said.
"Wasn't planning to," Suguru scoffed, his attention shifting to you. “What are you working on anyway?” he asked, flipping the file you were reading haphazardly to peer through the contents.
“I’m making an analysis report on ‘The Romantic Manifesto’.” you answered, looking up from the notes you were writing when your eyes suddenly strayed over his shoulder. You almost did a double-take, glancing at Suguru before returning your line of vision at the spot beyond where he sat.
“It’s due…” your voice trailed off when you realized just what, or rather who, you were looking at. You weren’t so sure whether what you were seeing was real or a mirage, a very familiar, specific and detailed one, but then, you figured it was the former when the person smirked and cocked his head to the side, beckoning you over to where he leaned against his grey Jeep as he raised a cup of what looked like cherry blossom tea.
Suguru arched a brow at you, looking behind him but not really noticing the object of your distraction. “Hey, you okay?”
Ieiri followed the direction of your gaze and nudged you when she saw who you were looking at. "Is that your Howard? Damn, girl. He’s sizzling."
You nodded, but at that same moment, you rose from the table without any explanation, your feet immediately leading you towards the outdoor carpark. When you were within earshot, you said, “What are you doing here?”
You stopped a few feet from him, glancing behind you to where the others had already turned their heads to follow the path you took, flashing you shit-eating grins. It wouldn’t surprise you anymore if they had pieced together who the person was before you. They claimed to be your ‘parents’ but acted like children at times.
“I brought you tea.” Sukuna walked towards you, standing so close that you forgot how to breathe for a few seconds as you inhaled his scent and took in his appearance, looking immaculate in a plain white shirt and faded jeans, but your brain only seemed to register those lips and the memory of how they felt against yours.
You shook your head, snapping out of your trance, mentally cursing at yourself. “Hi.” You exhaled loudly, trying hard not to smile like an idiot while you absently twirled your hair on your finger, suddenly seeing the world through a pinkish filter. "How do you keep finding me?"
Sukuna's smile dropped. “Did I come at an inconvenient time?” he asked gently, trying hard not to sound miffed, but he obviously was taken aback by your words.
“No.” You shook your head, placing a hand over your forehead. You finally smiled at him, letting out a choked snicker. “No, Sukuna. It’s good to see you. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to see you here. And you didn't really tell me you were coming.”
He grinned at you then but he still appeared unsure, placing a hand behind his neck. “Right.”
You flashed him a helpless look. “Please don’t look at me like that. I’m just really surprised.”
“Hmm." He moved closer to you, wrapping your hand around the transparent disposable cup. His proximity was affecting you in ways you couldn't admit out loud. "Are you happy to see me, too?"
"Too? So, you're happy to see me?"
"Always."
That's it. You're done for. Trying to avoid his intense gaze and escaping his scrutiny, you glanced over your shoulder to find everyone on your table observing you blatantly. Satoru raised a thumb at you while Ieiri was giggling with Suguru.
"Are those your friends?" Sukuna commented, his minty breath fanning against the side of your face which made you turn a little too quickly to face him again only to be confronted by his face leaning towards yours, mere centimeters away.
“Y-yeah.” You leaned a bit backwards but he moved forward. “That they are.” You stepped backwards again, nearly faltering on your feet, but you immediately gained your balance when he grabbed you by the arm, steadying you.
"Are you alright?" Sukuna asked, looking at you with concern written all over his face which morphed into wonder when you said, "Yeah, you're just overwhelming."
"Huh?"
"I can't think properly when I'm around you," you stated casually, your expressions not giving anything away as per usual. You arched a brow at him when he did the same. "You hot-wire my brain."
"I know what you mean." He smirked despite his confusion. "Is that good or bad?"
You eyed him thoughtfully, biting on your lower lip. "Good for you, bad for me. You can probably tell me to eat dirt and I'd do it in a heartbeat."
He chuckled, looking at you tenderly. "You're too honest."
"To a fault," you agreed, "Suguru tells me all the time. Wanna meet them?"
He ruffled your hair. "Sure."
***
While you weren't exactly expecting to see Sukuna again after the night you met, he became of constant presence around you. You have gone out with him several times over the course of two months. He was a busy person and you also had your priorities, but he always makes you feel special whenever you two would be out and about, behaving like such a gentleman opening and closing doors for you, naturally shifting closer to traffic while you walked, bringing an extra jacket in case you felt cold or a larger umbrella so you don't get wet, bringing you your favorite tea whenever he could.
He picked you up from school for lunch twice, making the most of the hour, and one time, you brought him lunch at work when he suddenly canceled on you, saying he was swamped with work. He sounded really upset so you decided to go to him instead. You brought Suguru with you as a buffer, but Sukuna's colleagues still teased him. He was different in the office – gruff and strict which fitted him more – but he still beamed at you happily when you brought him food, not caring who saw.
Apart from the brief phone calls, you two never really texted. It wasn't really your thing and he didn't like it either, so it could go days on end without you saying anything to each other, but when you do get a chance to speak, it would always be like picking up on where you've left off. He has only ever sent you two messages. One to remind you to take good care of yourself because he was going to be away for a while and another one a week later asking if you wanted to go out with him that coming Friday night.
"Your timing's off," you told him over the phone. You really wanted to say yes, but, "Ieiri, the boys and I are going out that night. Gang tradition."
"Some other time then?"
"Sure."
You hung up after a few more exchanges of words, getting started on reading some notes when Ieiri entered the kitchen. "Was that Howard?"
"Yeah. He's inviting me to go out on Friday, but I already said yes to clubbing with you guys."
She grinned cheekily, wrapping an arm around you as she poked you on the cheek. At times, it feels like Satoru was rubbing off on her. "Are you sure you don't want to ditch us for the hot architect?"
"Hot architect –" You snickered. "Did you just say that?"
"I was supposed to say 'sugar daddy,' literally and figuratively. Sugar and his cotton candy hair. Get it?"
You narrowed your eyes at her, shaking your head. It was supposed to be amusing, but when Ieiri says it, it just sounds weird. "Can I read in peace now?"
She left you alone, but laughed at your expense.
Friday couldn't have rolled around fast enough and you headed out with your friends at the club owned by a friend of yours, prepared to party in a pair of tight-fitting jeans, a crop top and your hair hanging about in wavy layers. You were already expecting the place to be cramped as hell given the day of the week so much so that Suguru had to hold onto you tightly so as not to lose you when you entered until you found the area you had reserved for the night. It was for good measure too since the place was drenched in purple, blue and green laser lights which were disorienting at first. And so, your night began as such.
You were in the middle of dancing, only pausing when you had to down your nth shot for the night when your eyes suddenly strayed to the bar area at the elevated part of the club adjacent to the the leather seats. You looked away but returned your gaze towards said direction when you realized this very familiar guy was looking at you. He was watching you as you danced and let loose, a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
You craned your neck, looking back and thinking the guy looked a lot like Sukuna, but then he couldn’t be. He was engaged elsewhere, still you continued to ogle him until you were pretty sure it wasn’t the same person. But the longer you looked, the more it was being proven to you that it was him.
That lopsided smile drew itself across his lips, seeing as how you were doubting yourself about his identity. There was no mistaking that look on his face, the way his dark eyes seemed to sparkle whenever he smiled even if the action didn't belong there.
“Sukuna?” you mouthed his name and he nodded, motioning for you to come over with his head. It had been a solid ten days since you last saw him, and for some reason, your heart raced at the thought of seeing him there.
Without saying a word to the people you were with, you squeezed yourself through the crowd, your feet carrying to the upstairs bar, to Sukuna. It took you a while to traverse the space between you, and when you finally stood before him, all you could do was smile up at him, taking in the soft look about him as he regarded you which were at odds to those fiery eyes that had the capability to turn into bright orbs of light when he beamed down at you.
“Hello, Y/N. Once again, fate has brought you to me,” he said rather dramatically, a smirk drawing itself across his pretty mouth.
Laughter escaped your throat, unable to say anything when you realized that you actually missed him, missed looking at him. Unable to help it, you stood on your toes and reached out to touch his hair, the action surprising the both of you. He eyed you, his expressions that of a half-smile and a look of confusion while you retracted your hands as quickly as you felt his soft locks with your fingertips, wincing at the realization of what you were doing.
At that, he laughed heartily, stealing your hand and pressing it over the side of his head. “Go ahead. I don’t mind you touching me,” he told you, staring into your eyes that you felt like all the air in the room was gone.
You blinked at him, processing what he said and joined in his mirth. “You're here!” You shook your head when it dawned to you that you were stating the obvious. “I’m sorry. How are you, Sukuna?”
“Pink?” he offered and chuckled at his own joke which made your face heat up. “Kidding. I’m great. I missed you these past days. How are you?”
“You did?” You felt your insides melting at his statement, made worse when he nodded to confirm it. “I’m fine. Great. Where have you disappeared to anyway?”
He snickered a your question. “Madrid.”
Your jaw dropped. “As in Spain?”
He nodded. “Had to do something there.”
“Uh-huh.” His words were rather obscure, but you didn’t want to encroach on his private life.
“What are the odds that we’re at the same club?”
“The owner is a friend,” you answered, smiling awkwardly as you glanced at the direction of your friends on the dance floor. You saw all of them looking at you. Suguru winked at you, giving you the thumbs up, making you laugh at his silliness.
“The gang’s all here, I see.”
“What?” You faced Sukuna, finding him leaning close beside you against the metal balustrade. Just then, a waiter passed by holding a whole tray of shots, and before you could duck, he grabbed you by the waist so that you were leaning against him with no quantifiable space between your bodies. Your eyes widened in shock and you froze, your thoughts clouded by the familiar smell of rain in a bamboo forest during Maytime. “T-thanks…”
He hummed in response to your gratitude, but he didn’t let you go. “I didn’t know you enjoyed places like this, too.”
“Why is that?” you asked, feigning ignorance to how close you two were.
"I never pinned you for the party animal type. I kinda developed a fondness for that quiet, nerdy girl sitting at the corner of the pub."
"Not exactly. I prefer Maki's place to be honest but coming here once in a while doesn't hurt. Especially with those three." You frowned slightly at him then as you thought of something. “So, why didn’t you approach me?” You motioned towards the dancefloor. “I'm sure the three-headed monster won't mind if you joined us. You alone?”
“Yes, sweetheart, but aren't you supposed to be hanging out with them?" You grabbed his arm before he could refuse you and started leading him towards where the others were.
However, he had other plans in mind. Again, he hooked an arm around your waist until your back was leaning against him. You eyed him sideways, startled by his actions, but unable to counteract it anyway as you’re just stunned speechless all the while. “You can go back to them, Y/N, but I don’t think I should go with you.”
You turned around, gently easing away from his hold. “Why not? They already know you, and they like you.”
"Are you sure? I don't want to be a party pooper.” He leaned towards you, tilting his head to the side while his lower lip slightly jutted out.
"What are you talking about?” You rolled your eyes at him then snickered.
He eyed you seriously then. “Just in case this is a friends-only affair?”
“Satoru already ruined that by bringing his girls into the mix.” You laughed at him when you saw him hesitate. “Come on, Sukuna. Join us. For me?” You showed him your best impression of puppy-dog eyes. “Pretty please?”
When you saw that he wasn’t budging, you changed your argument. “Fine. Dance with me then.” You didn’t give him any time to contradict you as you took him by the hand and dragged him to the dancefloor.
He was just standing still, looking uncomfortable as you started to groove to the beat, so you took his arms and started moving them until he was moving on his own, finally breaking into that smile. He looked too awkward that you wanted to laugh but decided against it, simply raising your hands and feeling the music.
“Aren’t you having fun?” you asked him as you were bobbing your head to the bass.
“I am!” he answered above the music.
“You don’t look like you’re having fun. Are you shy?” You chuckled openly at that.
“No.”
“You don’t dance?”
“I can dance.”
You giggled. “Then show me what you’ve got!”
Without a warning, he started moving in sync with you, taking your hands in his and finally letting loose in such a graceful manner as you both got into the beat and started waving and swaying against one another, his hands slowly running at your sides in sensual rhythms that got you reeling in excitement. You almost forgot that you were with other people as you danced with him. It was fun and it felt good to be that carefree, not minding your friends, drinks flowing in nonstop.
Soon, the group you’ve left joined you and Sukuna. They all greeted him excitedly while the boys exchanged high-fives with him as they were dancing. Satoru and the two girls who were with him also joined in and somewhere along that, Suguru offered everyone cigarettes, and you gladly took one when you saw Sukuna taking one as well. You didn’t really smoke on a regular basis but you didn’t exactly shy away from the so-called cancer sticks.
After taking another shot, you pulled Sukuna out of the dancefloor, hollering at the others as you raised your cigarette, signaling where you were going in case they wanted to come with. You made your way to the smoking area at the veranda situated at the back of the building with the older male in tow. You were pretty much buzzed, calming down from the high you had while dancing, grinning wide as the cool night air met you, making your lungs expand as you breathed in.
Sukuna watched you as he took his place against the banister, following him shortly as you produced a lighter from your pocket, something that you always carried just in case.
“You smoke?” he asked, toying with his own battered stick, twirling it around his long fingers.
“Sometimes,” you admitted, watching his reaction. “And you?”
“Not really.”
“You took one anyway.” You wedged the item in question between your lips and raised the lighter, but before you could light it, it was pulled out from your mouth and the next thing you knew, Sukuna was kissing you, his lips pressed against yours as he pulled you closer by the hips which he seemed to have a fixation for since you came up to him. It was a soft yet urgent kiss that cajoled you to respond, and not long after, your lips were submissive clouds moving to the will of the wind that was his luscious mouth.
Like the first time you felt his lips against yours, electricity ran through your body as if he was touching you elsewhere apart from your mouth. It was driving you off the edge of sanity, and you knew you’d probably jump off a cliff for the male. He grinned at your dazed state when your eyes met after he finally pulled away, showing you the cigarette that was supposed to be between your lips before he unceremoniously laid claim to them.
“You’re going to ruin your lips by smoking. I’m keeping this,” he told you.
You were too mesmerized with the tingling feeling in your mouth while your eyes stayed glued to his as you blinked slowly, your mind and heart racing at a thousand miles per second. “W-why would you do that?” you stammered, feeling your throat go so dry that you had to drag the words out.
“Apart from the fact that it’s terribly unhealthy, it ruins your sense of smell and taste.” He waved the cigarette in front of you before shoving it into the pocket of his jeans. “Scientific fact.”
You couldn’t quite process what he was saying. You were asking why he kissed you, but he misunderstood. “Are you going to taser me with your lips every single time I’m about to smoke?”
“Taser…” He chuckled and narrowed his eyes at you. “I might just if it means these dangerous things don’t touch your pretty mouth.”
“What the –” You didn’t know if you would be scandalized by what he said or if you were going to laugh. The latter won and you tittered. “That’s a good one.”
“I mean it, Y/N.”
Boldness engulfed your whole thought process as you stepped closer to him, looking straight into his eyes. “And if I insist on it? Placing dangerous things in my pretty mouth? What are you going to do then?”
He, too, leaned forward, eyes flicking to your lips. “Then I guess I just have to keep your mouth too busy to even think about smoking again,” he whispered to you, his breath hitting your lips.
You smirked at him then. “I guess I just have to make sure you aren’t around if I do feel like smoking.”
He pouted. You burst out laughing.
You reached over and pinched both of his cheeks. “You’re so adorable.”
Sukuna swatted your hands away, but smiled nonetheless. "You're the only one who says I'm adorable."
"You are. You just don't know it."
“Okay then. If you say so.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear then, your skin tingling where he touched you. “Are you busy tomorrow?”
“Not really.”
“Good. I wanna do something for you.”
You eyed him questioningly. “Hmm. What?”
“That’s a surprise.”
It was already around two in the morning when everyone had the unanimous decision to leave the club which was still packed. You, too, were getting tired especially after Ieiri ended up hammered and Satoru was emptying his guts through his mouth. Suguru was a bit drunk, too, but he was trying his best to help you take care of them. Sukuna had been very nice all night, even helping you load Satoru and Ieiri into the backseat of Suguru’s car.
“Would you like me to drive you home?” he asked you after shutting the door to the backseat.
“No, I’m gonna be fine. Besides, I can’t just leave Suguru to deal with them both.” You motioned to his Jeep. “You should go ahead, too.”
Sukuna grimaced as he nodded. “I guess that would be for the best. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay. You take good care now.”
“You, too, sweetheart.” He stepped forward and pulled you against him, hugging you, enveloping you in his warmth and that scent you loved profusely. “It’s really great seeing you tonight.”
You returned the gesture, smiling up at him as you tried to compose yourself. “It’s great seeing you, too.” You stood on your toes and pecked him on the cheek before giving him a gentle shove towards the car. “See you, Sukuna.”
He waved at you then boarded the car. You watched as it disappeared down the street before turning away to enter the club to get Suguru who was left to settle the bills. You found him seated on one of the couches, finding your way easily since the crowd thinned a bit.
“You okay, dude?” you asked when you reached him. He was pale and he looked like he was going to throw up anytime. “Do you need to go to the restroom?”
He shook his head. “Just get me out of here.”
You chuckled, leading him faster out of the club. You sat him down on passenger side and soothed his back, asking after him again as you started the engine. He said he was fine, laughing when he caught a glimpse of the two who were already passed out on the backseat with Satoru lying on Ieiri’s lap while her head was lolling limply to the side.
The drive was rather short without much cars on the road, but Suguru was still able to squeeze in a conversation, and of all the topics he could broach, it had to be about Sukuna.
“I thought Sukuna will be driving you home,” he began, glancing at you.
“He offered, but I can’t just leave you.”
“That would have been okay.” He glanced at the rearview mirror then, checking on the two, you could only guess. He could be such a mother hen at times. “I think he’s cool.”
“Mhmm.”
“And he’s really good-looking,” Suguru threw in with a chuckle. “Just date already.”
You chuckled. “Why don’t you date him instead?”
“Don’t you want to try it out with him?”
“He hasn’t even asked me to date him.”
“Yeah, but he already kissed you –”
“How did you know about that?” you demanded, mortified. Your cheeks were heating up again at the memory of it.
“Well, you’re in a public place.” He laughed. “So, it’s bound to end in dating anyway.”
“Not necessarily.” You turned sideways to look at him. “He’s older after all, not that I see the age gap as a problem. But you know, he might just be passing time.”
“He obviously likes you. If you date him, it’s a win-win situation. You like him, too, you just don’t know it.”
You scoffed. “How can you say that?”
He blew a raspberry. Typical Suguru behavior. “You can be yourself around him. You’re all smiley face around him, too. I saw you. You can’t lie to me.”
“Really now?”
“Yeah. You look your best that way. And don’t ever think you are just a pastime. I’ll kill him if he treats you as such.” He smiled knowingly at you. “Besides, you should date properly. Enough with your flings with stupid boys in campus.”
“Okay, dad.” You sighed, trying to contain your excitement. “I do like him though. He’s so nice to me.”
Suguru reached over patting you on the shoulder. “Ah! My daughter is a grown-woman.”
You swatted at his hand, laughing at his antics.
-end of part 1-
If you're curious who Howard Roark is, he's one of my fave literary characters from Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead." He's excellently made. That's it.
Can architect!sukuna please call me "sweetheart," too?
If you want to be included in the tag list, please DM me :) I'll be posting every week (or I'll try to anyway). Someone remind me to post the next chapters please?
Additional notes are available in the masterlist, particularly on the reasons why I wrote some things the way I did. I don't know what I'm trying to prove there, but haha!
Thank you so much for reading. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed it.
© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20210618]
PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART SOURCES FULLY CREDITED TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.
295 notes · View notes
thedaredevilsgirl · 3 years
Text
Broken Heart - Part 2
Warnings: A little angst at the beginning. Sebastian Stan being a great best friend and a good shoulder to cry on.
Word count: 1244
A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting part two, I had some personal issues but everything is taken care of now. Forgive any grammatical mistakes, English is not my first language.
Part 1 Part 3
Tumblr media
It took less than an hour to hear a knock on your door, you open it quickly and see Sebastian standing there, he smiles sympathetically and shows you the two bottles he was holding.
"I brought Wine in case you want to cry and get drunk and Whiskey in case you want to cry, get really drunk and have a huge hangover tomorrow" He says entering your apartment and putting the bottles on the table.
"Which one do you recommend for a horrible ending?" He asks.
"Definitely Whiskey" he replies smiling.
You hug him tightly and start crying again, he wraps his arms around you returning the hug.
"I can't believe he broke up with me".
"Your tears were already staining his shirt, but he didn't care, he just wanted to take care of his best friend.
The two of them met a few years ago, long before you met Tom, and they became best friends almost instantly, they were almost like brothers, always looking out for each other and protecting each other. Sebastian literally threatened to beat Tom if he broke his heart, and frankly he was thinking of keeping this promise right now.
He helps you to sit on the couch and you take the bottle of whiskey, open it quickly and take a big sip, you felt the liquid burn in your throat and hoped it would ease your pain, but it didn't.
"Are you going to take it straight from the bottle? Is that the level of your sadness?" He asked smiling.
"Yes, that's the level of my sadness" she replied before taking another sip and passing the bottle to him who takes a large sip quickly.
"Ok honey, now tell me what really happened?" he asks worriedly.
"Ever since people found out about our relationship it seems like something has been going wrong, I've been called fat, ugly or self-interested all over the internet and people invade my privacy as if it doesn't matter" she passes her hand over her face trying to wipe the tears that were flowing "Don't get me wrong, most of his fans were super sweet to me and said they just wanted to see him happy, but others...they threw so much hate on me that I don't think I believe I can be his girlfriend anymore myself".
"But what exactly led you to break up?"
You recount everything that happened, all those people in front of your work, your boss fighting with you, the scratched car, and the fight with Tom while the two of you practically drank the entire bottle of whiskey.
"He took their side, said something about them just loving him too much, Then of course I said that kind of thing isn't love and said how much they were hurting me and he said it better end so I wouldn't be hurt" you let your head fall back against the couch.
"Y/N" you look at him "Don't think I am defending him, because I am not, I will always stand by you, what those people did to you was horrible and him defending them was even worse, but maybe he broke up with you to try to protect you" He holds your hand.
"Protect me from what?" she asks laughing.
"You said yourself that it was hurting you, maybe he just didn't want to see you get hurt like that anymore".
You laugh at his answer and roll your eyes.
"Y/N I'm serious, look the life of a known person is hard."
"I know, I knew that when we first started dating, that's why we kept it a secret."
"I know Tom loves you, shit, he tried my patience when you guys first met just so I could convince you to go on a date with him. Do you know how hard it is to have this life? It has been months since I have slept with someone, I am afraid to date anyone, I am afraid that this person is only getting involved with me for fame or money or I am afraid that this person really likes me and gets exactly this hate that you are living, it is terrible, if this happened to the woman I love I would probably break up with her to keep her safe. People see this life of fame and think everything is wonderful, but they don't know how painful it is to see someone you love being affected by it.
You lift the bottle and look deep into his eyes.
"Here's to this fucked up life."
He laughs before taking the bottle from your hand and taking a large sip.
"A toast."
•─────✧─────••─────✧─────•
The first thing you notice when you wake up is the unbearable headache, then you realize that you are naked on your bed and there is an arm around your waist. For a short while you think that maybe yesterday was just a dream and you and Tom never had that horrible fight and it didn't end, but some flashes from the night before fill your head and you realize what a shit you've done.
You look over and see Sebastian lying next to you on the bed also without clothes and you scream regretting it seconds later when it affects your headache.
"More shit" he says waking up, he looks at you and seems to realize also what happened last night.
You quickly get out of bed and start to get dressed.
"What did we do? What did we do? What did we do?" you say nervously, pacing from side to side.
Sebastian gets up and gets dressed as well before grabbing her arm and forcing her to stop.
"Honey, calm down ok" he says.
"How can I calm down, we just ruined our 5 year friendship".
"We didn't ruin anything, hey look at me" you look at him and take a deep breath trying to calm down "it was just sex, you were sad because of the man you love and I was needy, we were both drunk and ended up doing it, but we are best friends and we will stay best friends, nothing will change, ok?" He speaks and hugs you tightly.
"Ok" you answer him becoming a little calmer.
Your life managed to change drastically in less than 24 hours, you ended your relationship and ended up having sex with your best friend to console your broken heart. You were proud to say that you weren't dramatic, but you were certainly living in a lot of drama right now.
"Remind me never to drink again, please," you say embarrassed.
"If it's any consolation, you're great in bed, I'm sure Tom will miss it very much" he says laughing and you slap his arm playfully.
"You're unbelievable" you laugh and turn away from him before heading for the bathroom, but before you can get in you stop in front of the door and turn to look at him "Sebastian, I don't remember if we used condoms or not".
He stands thoughtfully for a few seconds before answering.
"We sure did, we were drunk but we are not irresponsible, don't worry about it" he shrugs and you agree with him.
It was just a one night stand, everything would go back to normal. You and Sebastian have been friends for years and this would not affect your lives at all, nothing would change.
Everything was going to be fine.
87 notes · View notes