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#This times the traumas already happened tho
mattodore · 11 months
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youtube
jerma compilation video set to psycho killer by talking heads you will go down in history
#river dipping#jerma#that clip of him laughing w/o moving a single muscle in his face kills me every time#anyway hi good morning i once again did not come online yesterday kdfnjhdkfjh#i did log in to queue stewy succession posts to main tho <3#actually atm my anxiety is Through The Roof but nevertheless we persist and we come online anyway#i finished the character page photos for the echthroi crew last night btw!!! will post them later i think#rn i want to go through simblr bc i'm very behind it's a little embarrassinggggggg dfkjhdnk#proof of how single-minded i can be bc if i'm doing one thing with my ocs it's like. i just can't do anything else.#i finished both theo and matthias's like actual character pages too <3 it helped that i'd pretty much already answered asks with their bios#i do think i'm going to go back in there tho and edit theo's to include more of what i left out in the original ask...#i also think i wanna add more abt the reformation boarding school matthias went to... kind of a big part of him that i left out#there's just a lot that happens to my ocs that i just don't mention bc i just know it's A Lot of Trauma and i don't want to talk abt it#hmmmmm what else is there to say...... well i think i'll make the echthroi character page live if you wanna peruse it's just /echthroi#i'm gonna work on imani's page next i think but i have to draft everything out first#umm and i added playlist links <3 everyone's playlists are still wips but theo's playlist is thirty songs already what can i say
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puthyflapps · 1 year
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Marja is trending on twitter and it amazes me that it took y’all 3 seasons to realize she’s a flop who doesn’t know what she’s doing with this show or these characters
I, however, have been a day one Marja-Loser Ryan hater
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perenlop · 9 months
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feel like an asshole for saying this but man i hope my sister doesnt stay on our vacation long
#liiike shes coming to be with dad for fathers day thats why i feel bad#but we’ve been in a weird spot for some time now bc of what happen#and also last time i was at the beach with her she body shamed me and pressured me into s#into sitting in the tent she packed and discouraged me from swimming bc of my body hair#she probably wont this time as much bc ive changed the kind of swimsuits i wear#but then that may prompt her to insist to my parents that im trans#which i am but i do not want them to know that#im conflicted towards her bc i like her shes the closest thing i have to a sibling i can talk to#but shes also psycho analyzing me constantly and badgerinng me into talking to her and then telling my parents what i said#and when i mentioned the thing on thanksgiving she insisted i made HER uncomfortable and forced the conversation and she had to comfort me#when??? that is NOT what happpened at ALL#what happened was that matt had been a prick again and i snapped at him and she went off on me abt how i had to process my trauma already#while also saying he’d done something far worse to me when i was little (which isnt true) and saying i had to process it and move on#bc ‘’hes just existing now and you have a problem with that so you need to get over it’’#‘’i KNOW he did that i KNOW he hurt you worse than youll admit bc you want to protect him but you HAVE to get over it and talk about it!!’’#and i asked and asked and asked her to stop bc it was uncomfortable and she just#and she knows she fucked up with that bc she avoided me on christmas and ‘’had to give me distance’’ on text#my mom’s encouraging me to just go off if she tries that again tho so that’s something#dl
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itsukicoded · 1 year
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so what’s the end goal of someone who asks “you got a boyfriend” i know the ‘end goal’ but what are the steps to get there? is that a date request?? if i have u my snapchat then do we even have anything to talk abt? what is the point of just talking to someone abt how attractive you think they are? it all seems kind of boring right?
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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year
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oh fuck. i just realized. november is always the month in which my cptsd is maybe worse than ever...,,,, i feel like that has something to do w how badly ive been dissociating lately and why. a myriad of symptoms have come back again
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spade-club · 2 years
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I need to find somewhere to go next time I'm off work that is easy to travel to but I can make good use of dressing up and maybe meet people or just have fun. My hair is at a really gender length right now and I want to just like. Idk do something!! I'm so bored, I've been home for three days straight bc I had no work but aaaa I wish I didnt waste it being too scared to do things alone!!! Idk how to do this whole living alone no friends thing :((( might have to befriend my coworkers.... hmmm
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jaysdoodlehell · 10 months
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Starscream Prompt of the Week: Family
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Some thoughts on TFP Starscream:
Even tho Starscream seems egotistical, and rude to those around him, he is not a total aft. I genuinely think he cared about his family... and who I even talk about here? His Seekers of course. He is proud, when he gets to mention he was the Commander of the Energon Seekers (and as people may just say, he likes to brag, I won't agree with them 100%). He also doesn't want to have the dead spare hand of, likely, one of his Seekers, when Optimus shots off his own (he's probably forced to it later, as he has no choice, cause his hand is probably lost forever in the shadowzone, but KO did a great job with making it exactly the same, so kudos to him). Let's not forget, that Seekers comes in trines, and he probably really hates being alone (even tho in aligned novels, he is responsible for the death of at least Skywarp), but look at him thrive with a glimple of his old life, when he gets his small armada, and even Megatron tries to treat him better at the end of season 2. And it's so easy to look at my points, and be like "Jay... that doesn't have sense at all!", but it is exacktly like that with Starscream.
He is not a black-or-white character, and to properly analyse him, you have to sit down, and look at what prolonged, unidentified trauma does with ones brain... You have to look at the context of the situation, what happened to him already, what other characters around him did. What he thinks they did. All of this matters when looking at Starscream. And all of that gets harder, as he is a character that backstabs himself because he overthinks everything too much... as if, he didn't have his two trusty advisors anymore to help... But I got lost in my interpretations, when the prompt is so clear...
So what do I think family is was for Starscream? It was his pride, his power, his confidence. He was respected, and he got his back covered. I think he mourns the lose of them. Lack of safety, lack of respect, it twists him up, and people tend to forget about that sometimes... especially when often all he needs to be better is someones attention, and respect. Not only plain power hunger drives him, as many would say at the first glance. Because maybe that power hunger now, has it's core not in him being egocentric, but in the real want of having a glimpse of his old life, craving for safety, and normal treatment, that he doesn't have anymore. He probably doesn't even recognise where his wishes of being a leader come from, as it is often the case with traumatised people, but all his wishes are actually to be liked, and respected again, to be safe again, and to be treated as someone... again.
Because honestly... imagine TFP with all of Starscream's Seekers, loyal to him. He would be unstoppable (if not for the plot... making him loose, because Hasbro said so... of course, but that's a topic for another time).
Thank you @starscreamweek for doing this events. I wasn't sure if Starscream's fandom is alive anymore, and I'm positively surprised. It's good to be back after 10 years...
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hisaame · 6 months
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— ⧽➻Wanderer with a crush!˒˒ˋˋ
『its how i think wanderer would be id he had a crush,,, and this takes place obviously after he stopped being 'scaramouche'.』
╰ˊˊtw: soft wanderer (help), cursing, wanderers past trauma (kabukimono/kunikuzushi) its just a lil bit tho, spoilers.╎ + its a wanderer x reader type shit, so he falls for you!
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He thought it couldn't be possible, but it happened. he was already upset at himself for allowing himself to spend time with you. And with those soft and sweet smiles of yours, he'd almost always looks away—and what you wouldn't notice was his his blushy pink cheeks that would always fade back into his normal pale, color when he'd turn to look back at you, tilting his hat a bit to hide his own smirk.
The guy had even known you when he was once Scaramouche, you'd catch his eye from time to time, but he never really thought about talking to you. Back then he just thought of you as a 'pretty girl', then he'd scoff and turn away. He even wished he'd gotten the chance to have one chat with you before he deletes himself out of existence as Scaramouche. You always seemed to look at him with that cheerful smile. But he's glad he got a chance to befriend you, and now, as a normal person.
He didn't even think puppets could fall in love, nor did he think his porcelain face could turn red! But it began happening more often often the more he hung out with you. Being a wanderer made him not be busy—unlike his past self as Scaramouche who always had things to do. He despised that old part of him, but now he's a changed man alright. He's still vedy cautious and trying his best not to show any vulnerability, he wouldn't wanna remind himself of the rime he was a pathetic, dumb doll who allowed himself to be betrayed.
But he wouldn't let you betray him, no. You're stuck with him.
He didnt exactly understand the concept of „love“. He's seen couples in Sumeru and didn't quite get why they were so affectionate, prepping kisses on eachothers lips and always holding hands. He'd sometimes even cringe at it. Even imagining himself like that with you felt weird... Wait, whys he thinking of it in the first place!?
After finally accepting the fact he's in love after days of trying to convince himself he isn't, he began to think—would you feel the same? That thought made him anxious, if you saw him as only a friend. If he really wanta you, he'd try.
And he did.
He'd go to the library more often, looking for romance books and even looking arouns him to make sure noones looking. He doesnt wanna be caught reading something so embarrassing... He read a few stories, even some tips and tricks on how to flirt, which he found pathetic. Who would wanna say "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" to someone they like? Pathetic! But as he read some romance stories, short and simple, he just couldn't help but imagine how it would be with you... How soft your lips would feel against his, and they way your twos fingers would intertwine.
And then he tried some things out.
He has tried pinning you against a wall, fortunately getting a reaction od you having a small blush, but then brushing it right off and smiling like he didn't do anything. Then he even grabbed your chin between his indec finger and thumb to make u look up at him—and you didn't even have a reaction! Wasn't that something common people did to get people to be flustered!?
He was beyond frustrated, even ended up asking Nahida for some help, to which she happily recommended for him to write you a letter, if he was too scared to say what he wanted it in person. 𝖧𝖾 called it pathetic and stupis, and a waste of time at first, but then he immediately began writing one after.
It took him so many tries, so many crumbled up papers on the ground, to the point Nahida also helped him come up with words to write. At last, finally, he decided to be sneaky and put it in your mailbox, knowing you will be opening it soon. He was a flustered mess as soon as he was rushing away once he put the letter in.
He'll definitely be even more flustered if you tease him about the letter the next day... ♡
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justporo · 6 months
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i came uP WITH ANOTHER JUST NOW Tav has a bad dream about Astarion dying and is getting irrationally protective- Astarion must find a way to reassure that no, he is NOT going to randomly keel over, and after proceeding to Make It Worse with things like "it was just a dream" ends up resorting to trying to make Tav laugh to lighten the mood
My dear mushy, yet again you present me with a wonderful idea. This struck a chord with me for the last few days because I was feeling a little anxious and thus very much in the mood for some angst. So here you go! Also remember how I said I was taking a breather? I am! But I still love writing too much to not do it… Also this very self-indulgently helped me with some of my anxiety these past days. (Note tho: I am neither diagnosed with anxiety or a an expert, I can only describe what I can relate to and can imagine, just to put it out there)
Pairing: Astarion / Fem!Tav (You)
Warnings: Talk of trauma and nightmares, descriptions of some violence and death
Wordcount: 2,3k
Tav wakes from repeating nightmares about Astarion. She sneaks out of bed in an attempt to hide it but gets caught by Astarion who immediately notices something is wrong and wants to comfort her.
It‘s where my demons hide (I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you)
You woke from your trancelike meditation. On your back, you felt paralysed for a moment, your heart still heavy with dream images that filled you with icy dread. You couldn’t move and felt a single hot tear running down your cheek as a silent sob left your chapped open lips.
The images were still vivid in front of your eyes: Astarion, full of blood, falling over, his face distorted in pain, agony and desperation in his ruby eyes, panickingly grabbing for you; and then: life leaving his ruby eyes until they were only hollow.
And in your dreams you screamed and raged with all your force trying to reach him in time, to prevent what was happening, to at least hold his head in your lap as life passes from him. Never reaching him before it was too late.
The nightmares had come for quite some time now. They always followed the same pattern - and so did you: waking up in the middle of your ‚night‘, freezing from cold sweat, tears running and desperately trying to not wake Astarion.
Because you knew it wasn‘t real. There he was, right beside you. Softly breathing in his own dreams. His face so peaceful and relaxed.
You felt an incredible urge to grab him and kiss him awake to truly know he was there and fine. You just wanted to know that whatever you had dreamt: it wouldn‘t happen, it didn‘t happen; he was alive and well and next to you.
You sat up and felt the goosebumps all over your body and you shuddered. Starting to rub your arms you looked over to where Astarion was. And he was indeed peacefully slumbering - or deeply meditating as was the custom for you elves. You spent quite some heartbeats to watch him - how his chest slowly rose and fell, how a single white lock fell onto his forehead, how his facial expressions softly changed as he was dreaming.
Your heart ached and you couldn‘t shake the dread that kept hold of you. It sat deeply in your bones by now, hands around your throat and closing it‘s fingers. You quickly started to get out of bed, grabbing Astarion‘s shirt that was still laying on the floor in front of the bed and threw it over your head. You felt that the sobs were coming and you wanted to be out of here before the vampire caught onto it - he had enough to deal with, so you wouldn‘t burden him with your brain harassing you with its bad, irrational nightmare fantasies.
The soft pat-pats of your naked feet being the only sound as you walked, you left the bedroom and went down to the kitchen. There you grabbed some of the leftover milk from the day before and then went into the living room. As you lifted one of the thick brocade curtains you saw that it was already pretty dark outside. Some blue was still to be seen in the sky but it was surely and quickly to be chased away by the moon and the stars.
You drew the curtain away from the tall window and sat down in the alcove. Drinking your mug of milk your mind was still on your nightmares. You felt the wound up coil of anxiety in your stomach - it was bad this time. It surely would take some time before you would have calmed down completely. The tension was still way to present this time, making your foot that was on the floor tap nervously while you kept feeling restless.
„My sweet, it‘s way too early to be up…“ The voice of your subject of worry made you whip your head from looking out the window to Astarion. He was standing in the doorframe, sheets messily wrapped around his hips. He looked very drowsy and tired and not fully awake - a very rare look and mood for him.
„Also is that my shirt you‘re wearing because rawr, if I dare…“, his words trailed off when he realised that something was not quite right.
He saw the tension in your body, noticed the unnecessarily hard grip on your mug and your restless foot. Immediately, he was fully awake and rushing over to you: „My love, what is it, what‘s wrong?“ He sat down beside you and pulled you into his lap - no room for protest. His ruby eyes were clouded with worry, brows furrowed and his mouth in a tense line.
You tried to just shake your head and smile at him to assure him that everything was fine, you‘d just woken up a little early. But your body was traitorous, your eyes filled with tears and you could feel your chest start to heave - the urge to let out your sobs and howl in agony almost unbearable.
And as Astarion softly moved a strand of your reddish-brown hair behind your ear and then let his thumb softly wander over your cheekbone, then over your lips and then placed it on your chin lightly, it became too much to bear.
Sobs came and shuddered through your whole body, tears flowed openly. Astarion grabbed you and held you tightly to his chest. You wrapped your arms around him and squeezed him back hard - really having to feel that he was there. The vampire carefully placed his chin on the top of your head and softly swayed you from side to side. He said nothing for a while only humming softly - an old elven lullaby -, knowing that nothing he could put into words would make a difference in this very moment - he just held you. Because he knew what it felt like and had had to go for it alone, two centuries of nightmares, and he‘d never wish on another living soul having to go through something like this with no one there to spare you a little solace. This and the way you could feel his chest slightly vibrate while humming calmed you down slowly.
„Having nightmares again?“, Astarion whispered softly when the acute shudders of grief had calmed down a little. You burrowed your wet face at his chest, not wanting to admit that he had caught you. „Don‘t deny it, my love, don‘t think I didn‘t notice you getting up in the middle of the day and sometimes only returning hours later“, he continued. You could basically hear that his brows were furrowed. With a soft nudge on your shoulders he pushed you a little from his chest so he could take a look at you: „I‘m not one to pry and I respect your privacy, Tav, but I‘m worried. When was the last night of a full rest for you, hm?“ His eyes were so full of warmth and worry that you were sure yours were immediately filled with immense guilt. But you were still reluctant, having promised yourself to keep these problems your own.
Astarion softly cocked his head. „Don‘t you think, just a little bit, my love, that I deserve to know? Wouldn‘t you like to know? I bet if it‘d been me you would have already wreaked all Nine Hells‘ havoc upon me to find out what‘s bugging me“, he said while his tone turned sassy slightly. One eyebrow was raised, signature smirk was now turned on at least to half force.
And he knew you well and he was right, that bastard.
You cleared your throat. „It‘s nothi-“, you started. Astarion‘s face immediately dropped: eyes half-lidded, lips pouting. „We can play this the easy way, my heart, or the hard one - I have all the time in the world“, he threatened but his tone was still soft.
You sighed in desperation and looked up to the ceiling. Then you let your gaze drop. You had withdrawn your arms from around him and now nervously pressed down on your one palm with the thumb of the other hand. „I keep dreaming you‘re dying - and I can‘t do anything about it“, you admitted flat-out but did not look up.
„That‘s it?“, Astarion responded. Now you looked up - did he just say that like it was nothing? You kept staring at him in confusion and you surely felt anger rise up inside you. The vampire‘s gaze jumped from yours to the side and back, obviously not grasping what was so harrowing. When you kept staring, he said: „Well, do you have any idea how often I dream about stuff like that happening to you - and me for that matter? And I‘m here, am I not? It‘s irrational, nothing is wro-“ „You insensitive prick“, you yelled and weakly hit him on the chest with your flat hand.
„Do you know how it feels? Watching you die - vividly- over and over again! Covered in your own blood and I can do NOTHING! Only watch you as the life flows from your body…“ The tears were back and you could see how through your blurring vision Astarion‘s face changed from surprise to shame.
He pulled you in again: „I‘m sorry.“ This time he borrowed his face in your hair - you could feel how his face scrunched in agony as he kept squeezing you. „I‘m so sorry, I… didn‘t know how it is for you…“
You lifted your head from his chest with a gasp. The sobs had subsided once more and you were now at this awkward hiccupy phase of a really bad cry. „It‘s like… something burning in my chest“, you said, emotions still crushing over you, wanting to let it all out this time; to rid yourself of it if possible. Your hands rose to your chest, one grabbing the other. „Sometimes it‘s constant, for days on end, a constant buzz. Sometimes it claws its way up to my throat and I feel this pressure. And it‘s just sitting there, reminding me of the fear I have. And at worst it‘s like this impending doom - it holds my heart in its hand and it squeezes from time to time to make me hurt and my heart can only flutter against it like a hummingbird in a cage that‘s way too small. I don‘t know how it feels for you, but that‘s how it is for me…“ You squeezed your hand so hard it hurt - but still not even remotely close to the hurt you felt in your chest sometimes.
Astarion softly grabbed your hands with his and looked at you, sorrow in his eyes. „Well, if it wouldn‘t be so sad that would almost be poetic“, he replied with a sad smile. „I know the feelings you describe well. Too well. Perhaps I‘ve grown too accustomed to it to no longer relish their absence“, he explained his eyes slowly drifting from yours into a gaze that was a thousand leagues away. And now you understood his reaction a little bit better: his was one of an animal knowing nothing but abuse and imprisonment. While yours had barely scratched the surface of the sorrows of this world.
„Astarion“, you whispered softly, withdrew one hand from his and touched your fingers to his face, pulling him back to you - to the here and now.
The vampire closed his eyes for a short moment. When he opened them again he‘d come back to you. „It was still an insensitive reaction of me, for that I apologise.“ „You shouldn‘t have to feel like that or even get used to it. And I‘m sorry I shouted at you“, you answered with a whisper. You felt guilt now.
„No, my love, it was absolutely right to call me out on that and if it helps: it‘s getting better. Slowly, but better. And I‘m sure these storm clouds will pass for you too“, he answered and pulled your face to his, leaning his forehead against yours and his hand softly cupping your cheek. Warmth filled his ruby eyes again and a soft smile danced on his lips.
„Now, I propose whenever you wake with a horrendous nightmare you poke me in the side so the following yelp and curse tell you that I am still very much alive - or unalive for that matter, you get it - and myself and here with you. Promise?“, he spoke and his eyes widened as he made you look into his eyes.
„Only if you do it too“, you answered as you felt some more sobs threateningly bubble up in your chest; this time they weren‘t in sorrow though.
„Only if you promise to not smother me with your pillow when I raise you from your precious and much needed beauty sleep, my love“, Astarion answered with a big smirk now. You pushed away from him but couldn‘t stop yourself from laughing at the banter: „You‘re such a dick sometimes.“ Astarion just laughed dirtily in response - nothing you didn‘t tell him at least three times a day. „Yes, and you‘re a hag sometimes, my sweet“, he replied with a grin, fangs showing, ignoring the obvious contradictory statement he had just made.
You stuck out your tongue at him and as you did it you realised that he must‘ve very well known what he was doing. The tension and anxiety had actually left your body for good. You hoped it would stay this way. And you hoped Astarion might feel the same. Grabbing his hand, you leaned back against his chest, snuggeling up to him. You pressed your spread fingers against his, watching how his hands and fingers were quite a bit larger than yours.
There was still much to talk about, to unravel, to work through; for both of you - but maybe not tonight. Maybe it was enough that you unraveled just a tiny piece tonight. You had so many more nights to slowly get to the rest.
Astarion stared at your hands that pressed together, obviously lost in his own thoughts. But then he smiled and crossed his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand reassuringly: „Now, promise?“ „Promise and promise“, you replied solemnly and waited for Astarion to say it back. „Now, you say it!“, you said pushingly and squeezed his hand.
The vampire rolled his eyes but with a smile on his face, twisted your joint hands and pressed a kiss on the back of your hand: „Promise!“
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rusmii · 4 months
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Hii can I request scenarios or hcs, whichever you prefer, for a gn reader who wants to do intimate stuff with the character but backs out last minute (due to nervousness/trauma) when they're getting close to the act and it's the character comforting them afterwards? characters being chuuya, ranpo (any other of your choice:>) ty in advance!
sex is temporary— love is eternal ^_< -★
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☆ parings: ranpo ; dazai ; chuuya ; nanami ; toji x gn!reader
☆. when your attempts at intimacy fail, worry not! your boyfriend will always somehow find a way to balance the mood back into place— comfort ensues
☆. cw: sexual themes (nothing happens tho), ranpo is a mind reader + dazai too💀, cussing in chuuyas/tojis, mindless bickering in chuuyas/tojis, hurt/comfort, it's implied that reader freezes up before chuuya notices them, actions speak louder than words in dazais (not a lot of comforting with words like the rest), secret artist nanami⁉️, pet names. LOTS of pet names, 'babe' is used in toji's part, reader does some embarrassing shit in nanami's part (they cry in embarrassment), I THINK I DID MY BOYS OOC BY ACCIDENT 😭... lmk if i accidentally used a fem term/if im missing any tags!
☆. ik i don't usually do 5 charas but i made an exception + attempted scenarios...💀
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— #Ranpo
you sucked in a breath when you saw the time. it was nearing the end of the day and your boyfriend was due home soon. at one point during the day, you considered backing out of your plans, but considering that dinner was already done, you decided to keep going.
hearing the door slam open and the loud announcement of your boyfriend's arrival was enough to get you up and springing to your feet, almost tripping over yourself as you stomped them into your slippers.
"[name]!" ranpo laughs with glee as he throws himself at you, his shoes flying off him at the same time. "welcome home," you stifle a laugh as you catch him— the detective burrowing his head into your neck.
"im home," he repeats before cranking his neck to the side, "dinner already?" you hum as you took his hand into yours and guided him to the kitchen where you prepared dinner. "yep! and it's all for you to eat," you say as you sit him down into a chair across from yours, "so eat up, because today's our special day."
a little 'yay' erupted from the small detective as he picked up a spoon from the side— the tofu soup you made for this special occasion was enough to get his mouth watering despite the main course being at the center of the table.
you stare at him as you poke at your food. the dish you had plated for yourself was starting to lose its steam, but you didn't mind reheating it up later. you dazed off, the expression you had on your face was enough to get ranpo's attention— his food protruding from one puffed cheek while his eyes flutter open.
he waits for a moment or two to allow you to snap out of whatever daydream you were stuck in, the tense look on your face never easing.
you heard a sigh coming from across the table— emerald eyes digging itself into your own colored eyes. the feeling of being ripped open thought by thought like a page in a book was enough to have you squiggling in your seat.
"ugh! why are you simpletons so weird!!!" he threw his arms in the air as your heart rate fastened from his sudden outburst. "what?" as soon as you said that, ranpo slammed his spoon down— his chair screeching as he stomped over to you.
he pulls you up from your chair as he drags the both of you into the living room. you could tell he was annoyed by his puffed out cheeks that were still evident on his face. "sit," he ordered, pointing to the sofa as he went to grab the remote.
"uh- okay...?" still confused with his actions, you waited until your boyfriend returned with the remote after turning off the lights— plopping himself down next to you, ranpo didn't say a word and went to go to hbo max once the tv was on. "ranpo?" you ask from his side, only to be hushed by the silence.
you stare at the tv with movies and shows scrolling by, the intensity of the situation leaving you scared about what's to come next. it wasn't until he found a movie to watch that his silence broke, "y'know..," he says, voice gentle and unlike the usual loud complaints you'd hear every day, "there are other ways to spend our anniversary together."
slowly turning his head back to you, you could see his face from the corner of your eye. "sexual intimacy isn't the only kind of intimacy," he pauses for a moment to allow you to face him before resuming, "so don't ever think you have to give your body up to me just because you were advised to by internet strangers and random sex articles online." he finishes, and you're speechless.
you shouldn't even be surprised though, it wasn't like he wasn't the smartest person you've ever met in your entire lifetime. he pretty much answered your biggest concern without having to pry it from you, but there was something else you wanted to ask him.
"why?" it was a simple question. as another was about to come out of you, ranpo cuts you off. "i want to do it on your own terms. not mine, not your friends, and definitely not some internet stranger- just yours."
he felt around for your hand and gave it a squeeze after wrapping his around yours, "and only yours," his expression was stern— you gulped down a ball of saliva in your throat as you felt the dam start cracking. "why?"
this time, a sob left your throat as tears trekked down your cheeks, "why? why?! why don't you want to call me pretty like they would?! why?! why-.." you hiccup, "is it so hard for you to call me perfect?!-"
"-you are perfect."
he wipes your tear ridden face as he brings you into his embrace, "and i don't need to force sexual innuendos to tell you that you're perfect. so i'll say it again." he kisses your tears away.
"you're perfect."
— #Dazai
"chocolate or white?" you pointed to the two different flavored chocolates in the box. dazai put his fingers on his chin, "mm.. your favorite?" he says, and you sigh. the two of you had been at this for a while now— not being able to decide what kind of flavor you both wanted to bring home.
"i don't think it matters, does it?" dazai asks while looking in your direction, and you nod your head, "it doesn't, but shouldn't we get the one that we're sure we're going to buy?" you answered with a question, and your boyfriend looked away for a moment before turning his attention back onto the chocolates.
"both then," he smiles before waving his hand in the air to catch one of the employees' attention. "excuse me! can we have these two chocolates? yes, both chocolate and white," he affirms with the lady behind the counter, "thank you very much!"
once you two pay for your desserts, you start to snicker, attempting to stifle it with the palm of your hand. unfortunately for you, your boyfriend was a perceptive being, and he noticed your failed attempt anyway. "heyy! why are you laughing at me?"
"i'm not," you managed to get out as dazai whines even more, "you are! i can tell you are!" he pokes you, and you roll your eyes, palm still above your mouth, "oh yeah? and how do you know that?"
"because i do, and you're not that very good at hiding your expressions, love." you gasp at his honest review of your control over your facial expressions and lightly punched his arm. "of course i am, you're just.. very good at being able to read me!" that statement wasn't wrong, though. your boyfriend truly was able to read you like an open book.
rounding the corner, you were listening to dazai complain about his work today, like every other day. despite his continuous rants, you couldn't help but zone out— zone on his lips. the slightly chappy surface, courtesy to you applying your own chapstick on his lips was entrancing you. trapping you in an endless loop of wanting to smash your lips against his and overthinking what his reaction might be.
would he kiss back? would he smother you in kisses? would he push you back and spit out your dna?
all common questions that suddenly pop up into your head as soon as you think of any intimate moments with your boyfriend. whether your boyfriend knew of this problem or not, you didn't know, but you also certainly didn't want to tell him. it was nothing but simple thoughts that'd go away on its own.
you knew the ice had to break soon, but for some reason, you just couldn't get yourself to crack it all the way through. "[name]?" dazai's voice had brought you back to where you were at. it was the bus stop, and the two of you were seated. "huh?- oh, yeah?" you acknowledged him this time, and he couldn't help but give you a look of worry.
"is everything alright?" he asks, and you hum, "yeah, don't worry about it." — "are you sure?" he was quick to ask again, but you shot it down. "it's nothing! really, just.. i dunno? wanna kiss you?"
he pauses for a momentarily before bursting into a fit of giggles. "what?" you questioned point blank before seeing him point to his puckered up lips. "kiss?" he says, a little muffled due to the duck lips he was making. "i- what?"
you froze for a bit, understanding his intentions but also not understanding it. should you go for it? wait- yeah, you should. he's literally waiting right there for you with puckered up lips— you swear you see sparkles all around him and in his eyes.
his lips fell into a pout, "no kiss?" he questions, and you shook your head out of thought, "no- yes! kiss, uh-.. what are you doing?" you ended with a question. your boyfriend smiles down at you, "kissing you!"
you stare at him bewildered as he bumps your noses together while looking straight into your eyes, "what are you doing?" you repeated, and he gave you an endearing answer.
"eskimo kisses!!!"
— #Chuuya
"you suck ass," chuuya says from behind you, the board beneath his feet gliding over to you smoothly. "well, excuse you.." you mutter, picking yourself up as your boyfriend kicked your skateboard over for you, "you're welcome, booboo bear~" he gave you a teasing grin while you middle finger-gunned him.
"suck my 10ft dick, nakahara," you roll your eyes and lightly push him away from your board— he let out a little 'woah' from the action and had to rebalance himself after he fell from his board. "i would if mine wasn't bigger," he smirks to himself and you.
"yeah, thicker. not longer," you bark back. truth be told, you've never seen his dick before, despite being together for as long as you guys were dating for. it wasn't like you two didn't struggle being intimate with each other— well, more like you and chuuya had to adjust to it, but that didn't pose a problem in your guys' relationship.
the two of you had talked about it before and agreed to set boundaries on the matter. one of it being that chuuya wouldn't touch you inappropriately and another being that whenever he's horny, he would use a code word to indicate his special time.
and so far, it has worked out great for the two of you. there are times that whenever you hear his quiet grunts from the bathroom, you couldn't help but imagine what it'd be like to be the one pleasuring him, but you always swat those images away— getting too embarrassed to even think about it.
"help me," you extend your arms and make little grabby hands. chuuya rolls his eyes as he drops his board to help you balance, "careful," he says quickly after letting go of your hands slowly. "i got it, i got it," you reply with half acknowledgement to his warning and let out a sigh of relief when you finally fixed your balance. "heh- luckily." — "the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"nothing," he brushes off his remark with a sweet smile; fake. "liar," you groan as he hops onto his board, "sorry sweets, let me make it up to you with ice cream?" he apologized while pointing into the direction of the nearby plaza. "fine," you shrug your shoulders, attempting to hide the smile growing on your face.
chuuya, on the other hand, didn't bother hiding his— the grin still being evident on his face even after you guys were sitting out on the curb of the sidewalk with ice cream cones in your hands. "this is surprisingly good," he licks his lips, the ice cream he got was strawberry and chocolate chip mint on top.
"is it?" you ask, using a napkin to wipe your chin, and he hums. "delicious," he moans, "so damn delicious- okay!" he stops once he feels a punch to the side of his arm. "the fuck was that for?" — "you don't see people starin'?" you raise your brow as his eyes start to widen. you could see the faint red on his cheek as soon as he started to realize the group of kids with their parents staring at him weirdly.
"well!" he coughs, "who cares.." he turns away, not being able to handle the embarrassing moment. you laugh at his misfortune, "that's what your dumbass gets!" — "shut the fuck up!" he groans into his hand as your laughter increased.
after the initial bickering of you two, there was silence that came after. people around you might even say tranquil peace, but that was just the outside— inside, you were feeling your pounding heart accelerate. even more so the more you glanced his way.
noticing your weird glances, chuuya looks your way at the same time as you do to force eye contact. "what? is there something on my face?" you shook your head and turned away quietly, staring into nothing as your ice cream dripped onto the pavement. "then what?"
"nothing," you say. even though you say that now, you know your boyfriend will somehow pry it out of you. "say it," he demanded, his body now slightly turned to you, "was it something i did?-" — "no." — "then what? tell me."
silence.
chuuya let out a big sigh before leaning over a bit so he had a full view of your face. "please tell me, pretty?" god- he was lucky he was cute.
when you go to open your mouth, you freeze, feeling your heart skip a beat. it was a stupid question, but.. ah, fine fuck it. "do you ever feel or get frustrated with me?"
he stares at you before asking you what you meant by that, "it's just, i don't know how to explain it," you shrug your shoulders, "do you ever regret being with someone who isn't sexually active?" — "oh- so that's what's tainting your pretty little head?"
"what?" you ask, confused by his reaction. sure yeah, that's been bothering you since the beginning, but you didn't think he'd say that. "listen," he used his other hand to bring your head close to his lips, "i'm horny, but not horny enough to wanna' to fuck you like a rabbit- i mean sometimes i do think 'bout it, but," he kisses your forehead and pushes your head into his neck, "sex is supposed to be loving-"
"-and i wanna' love you when you're ready," he half hugs you, gently massaging your head. yeah, comforting was never his forte, but he tries for you.
— #Toji
"you ready, babe?" toji calls from the hallway, his heavy footsteps treading closer. "yeah! give me a minute!" you yell back, fixing up a stray strand of hair through the mirror. "lookin' sexy," he says as he leans against the doorframe. you roll your eyes at his obvious teasing comment, but thank him anyway.
"kay', 'm done," you say as you walk over to your boyfriend, hooking your arm over his as he led you both outside to where the car was at. "can i be passenger princess this time?" he asked, and you shot him a look of interest, "for real?" — "nah get your ass on the other side," he shot down your hopes as he opened the car door for you, "ugh," you scoffed at him while he gave you a fake smile.
toji slams the door shut after you're settled in and opens the other door to let himself in. "me or you?" he asks, referring to the aux. "me," you say as you connect your phone to the car. the bluetooth connection making a sound of security, and you opened up spotify. you scrolled through your playlist to play a song that both you and toji would listen to and eventually found one.
"god, your taste sucks ass," he says as he cranks up the volume. "well, fuck you too!" you laugh as you middle finger-gunned him, the engine revving as he backs out.
the music blasting through the car drowned out any noise— the bass rippling through the seats as cars around rolled their eyes at the obnoxiously loud car racing down the street to get to its destination.
you sigh as you sink into the seat, the wind hitting your face perfectly. your eyes watched the vast amount of buildings passing by, the honks and horns coming from others as toji swerved around them, was a normal occurrence. your boyfriend could give a damn about traffic laws.
the car came to a slow pace as the red light approached, turning when the rest of the cars passed. there were bright neon lights dancing in the sky as you neared the club. the walkers now looking like coked out sluts and pant saggers— "look at that shit," toji smiles to himself amused as he catches your attention.
it was a statue of two people having sex in the water fountain. "freaky," he comments one last time before turning his attention back to the road, moving behind the cars in a U to get to the club's parking lot. "are they seriously using its dick to make it look like cum?" you laugh at the sight of water spewing out of its dick and onto the other statue. "if they are, they're doing a horrible job. no man lasts that long- besides me, of course," he winks at you and you look away from his smug face.
"you wish," you leer, but couldn't help but feel your stomach flutter a bit. was that a hint to something?... nahh, you were just digging way too deep into this.
the sound of tires screeching, and the seatbelt pressing against your chest as the car halts was enough to tell you that you were at your destination. "damn," toji mutters from under his breath, "long line. we might have to wait at the lot," he finishes.
"that many cars?" you ask, and he nods his head, "shits' a high end club- vips from all around the world," answering your question, toji made a quick left turn and found a parking space. "lucky us, close to the building," he cheers.
the song playing had just ended, and now you two were sitting in silence. your thoughts kept flashing back to his unwarranted comment earlier, hot flashes of xxx images zipping by.
you took a glance at your boyfriend who was watching podcasts and quickly turned away from him once he noticed your eyes on him. "what?" he questions, "wanna' sit on my lap, or something?" — "no!" — "it's free for ya', just sayin'."
you thought about it for a moment before deciding to contradict what you said and just go for it. "woah! what's all this?" toji says, surprised as he lifts his arms to make way for your incoming body, "not that i'm complain' or anything."
once you were comfortably seated, you turned your attention back towards him— who was already staring at you. "i-" you opened your mouth, but suddenly you were unable to speak. your mind was blogged, and your words were stacking on each other, making it harder to force it out.
you couldn't move, you felt yourself breathing, you noticed the way his chest moved up and down, you noticed- "[name], breathe."
toji threw his phone to the side and brought you onto his chest, rubbing your back slowly. "i'm sorry," you start shaking, "i promise i-"
"shh, shh," toji whispers into your ear. he feels wet patches start to form on his shirt, but he doesn't care. "i don't care about all of that 'fucking is a must in relationships' bullshit," he starts, planting a peck on your ear, "so don't promise me shit, i know that we can work around together," he finished with a flick to your forehead.
— #Nanami
a soft knock echoed through the room, "come in," you heard the voice from behind the door say. opening the door, you were met with rows of encased books, alongside other files hidden within the piles. a bit messy, but still looked neat nonetheless.
nanami's office was mature-like, structured, and organized. but at the same time, it felt homey. probably because it was in your guys' house, but that didn't matter when he still made time to decorate his office full of you guys.
one notable feature that stood out in his office was the painting behind him; a portrait of you. your boyfriend had hung it up one day after he asked you if he could paint you. the initial shock of learning that nanami was somewhat skilled artistically made you excited and giddy.
it was a skill not many people knew nanami had, and if you were being honest, you'd keep it that way. for some reason, the fact that he willingly showed you that he could paint made you want to keep it a special secret that only the two of you knew about.
"i brought water for you," you said as you walked into the office, closing the door softly before walking over to him. "you didn't have to," nanami smiles at you softly as he takes the cup from your extended hand. "nana, you need to hydrate yourself if you're going to be working for hours non-stop," you replied back.
nana was a nickname you came up with during your guys' time at the summer festival in kyoto. at the time, he would always brush it off whenever the nickname was brought up— but as time moved forward, so did he with the nickname. in fact, he loved it as much as you do now. he just doesn't show it.
"i know, i'm sorry if i worry you sometimes," he apologizes before resuming his typing on the computer. you stood beside him as he was working on reports, taking in the full view of his office from there. glancing over your boyfriend's shoulder, you see vast amounts of unread emails sent by strangers you didn't know. some you recognized— them being his partner gojo, but that's about it.
you heard your boyfriend release a tense sigh as he opened up one of gojo's emails. it was littered with duck memes and a question asking his opinion about the ceo of tiktok vs. the congress videos.
"wasn't that in march? why is he talking about it now?" he mutters in one breath, you didn't know whether it was directed towards you or not, so you decided against answering.
nanami had multiple veins atop his forehead by the time he was done reading gojo's emails. he threw his back to release tension, "i'm going to print every single email of his and plaster it on the walls of the academy," he groans and looks up to you. "what's the matter?" he asks as he sits back up, turning his chair to face you.
"it's nothing," you say as you straighten yourself up. "just.. is there any way i can help relieve your stress? like.. run a bath for you?" you ask nervously. normally, nanami pushed away any help from you if he could still function without busting a blood vessel.
"[name]," nanami turns his chair fully as he took your hands into his, "thank you for the offer, but i'm particularly busy with responding to emails right now, as well as finishing up reports," he says, "it's going to be a long night, so don't stay up for me. sleep well."
you didn't respond to his initial sentence, "are you sure there aren't any other ways?" — "i'm sure," he cuts you off, "please go to sleep, love."
instead of listening to him, you awkwardly drop to your knees and take your hands back— "um- are you sure..? that there's nothing else.. i.. could do?.." you placed your hands on your lap as your lashes fluttered at him. your eyes moving from one place to another, avoiding his entirely. 'oh my god, this was so embarrassing' you thought to yourself.
nanami stares at your stiffened form, wide eyed. "[name]?" he says your name, "get up? please..?" he attempted to reason with you, but all words got clogged in his throat as he watched tears roll down your cheeks. "[name]," he says your name again, softly this time.
he gets up from his seat and kicks it away, crouching down to your level as he uses his handkerchief to wipe away your tears. "na-nanami..." you hiccup, finally noticing how wet your cheeks were. "it's alright darling, I'm here, it's okay," he whispers lovingly in front of you as he pulls you up with him.
you didn't say anything as he grabs your hand as gently as he could, leading the two of you out of his office. "im sorry, i don't know why i just can't-" — "don't ever apologize for that ever again- much less even attempt it."
"i'm not mad," nanami clarified in his last response, "or weirded out. just don't do something that makes you cry," he stops in front of the bathroom door. "don't do something that makes us both upset, i don't ever wanna see you cry because of sexual pressure ever again," he opens the door. "understand me?"
"...yes," you answer as his expression softens up. nanami closes the lid of the toilet and makes you sit there. he turns on the tap after he plugged the drain, "citrus or lavender tonight?" he asks you as he holds up the two bath oils.
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©CHURUAI ;;; don't steal, plagiarize, or repost my works
rbs and comments appreciated <3<3
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reveluving · 1 year
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today's batmom thot of the day is:
Bruce's secret stash of your 𝙣𝙪𝙙𝙚 polaroids!
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warnings: smut obv (minors DNI!), thirsty!Bruce is thirsty for his wife <;3
check out my batmom m.list &lt;3
Nobody loves you more than your husband. Anyone to claim otherwise, be it his children, Alfred or even your own staff (which were basically teenagers who now sees you as their mother, at this point), well, that'll only happen when hell freezes over.
The problem is? The man is always busy, as a renowned business by day and a renowned vigilante by night. So, he can't always spend time with you as much as he hopes for. So, naturally, when he's graced with the opportunity to be with you, no doubt he uses it like it's his last day on Earth.
But when he can't?
His nude polaroids of you are his saving grace.
You see that gif up there? That's him sneaking glances at those photos at any given time.
I've actually mentioned this fact in one of my drabbles! One of his favourite ones is kept in his wallet, stashed in the same slot behind your cafe's business card—if in any case his kids have his wallet for whatever reason, the last place they'd investigate is your card.
Or at least, he could only hope none of them ever stumble upon it.
If not, he knew you'd never let him keep another one. It's happened before, and he was lucky enough to find it.
But, was it worth traumatizing his father figure, who was unlucky enough to have found it?
What was it, you might ask?
It was during your honeymoon in Japan, your hotel room overlooking the city at night. He had on you the bed, his thumb nestled in your lips as he bottomed out. The spurt of cum trailing from your cunt up to your pretty glossy lips. The pure bliss on your face as you take his hard cock and oh, it never fails to make his blood run hot.
"Messy girl." He tutted with a sly smile, cooing at the mix of your drool and his cum coating his fingers. The magnificent view of the Tokyo Tower plus the skyscrapers surrounding it was an added benefit; a variety of neon lightly illuminating your room, enough for Bruce to see you in your glory.
He already took a good nine or ten photos of you on his phone before tossing it aside with your polaroid camera, where he's also used it on you for another three, one of which will definitely be his number one. For now, he wanted no interruptions, and loomed over you, the dangerous look in his eyes barely hidden behind his wet hair made it clear that he was beyond done with you. It wasn't until you whimpered and rolled against his hips that the look he had was accompanied by a smirk, knowing that you needed him as much as he needed you.
Yes, that honeymoon had to be one of the best ones he's ever had, and he's been to plenty with you.
The point is, his family has had enough trauma, for they've witnessed their fair share of 'unspeakable events' in the past regarding the two of you, be it in the bedroom, some gala, your cafe's storeroom.
But that's besides the point.
We've only talked about one of his utmost favourite polaroids, so you can bet your ass that he has more than just one! Those other favourites are stashed in the bedside table, his office desk, both in the mansion and his company, the Batcomputer's drawer, and the Batmobile. All of which were locked for his own use, of course.
He probably has at least 20, and counting, even, for your husband is not only a pleaser in bed, but an artistic one, as well. His muse? You, duh. Whether it's a polaroid of you in his oversized dress shirt only or nothing at all, these keepsakes are far more valuable than any art piece in any prestigious galleries. Better yet, they're priceless, for they belong to him and and him only.
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a reupload. dumblr really testing me. going back to my IRL responsibilities cuz shit is crazy rn see yall in a few months tho <3 /j
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sfehvn · 5 months
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sacrifices
Request: "if requests are still open (if not pls ignore) i’ve been obsessed with the idea of astarion being confronted with what tav becomes if he ascends. i picture the gang with raphael, astarion is determined to undergo the ritual, and raphael snaps his fingers to morph their strong leader into a frail, broken version of themselves. afraid of him. can he live with what his decision does to the person he loves, does that knowledge change his mind? could be something completely different tho, i’d love to hear your take on it!" A/N: I took some creative liberties because I'm still mid-Act 3, but I hope it's up to par nonetheless. I also think I totally misinterpreted the prompt now that I'm re-reading it after finishing this. I'm kinda not very brainy. (sparkle sparkle) I hope you enjoy anyways! lol Word count: 2,426 Characters: Astarion x Tav
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━─━────༺༻────━─━
  It was as if every fibre of your being had been desecrated from its vessel within an instance. You suddenly felt the scrutiny of every eye in the room upon you; you felt naked. The strength that had bumbled in every nerve of your body had been silenced. The gravity of the situation you were in towered on slouched shoulders and you gasped at the overwhelming perception. Every position you’d been in since aboard the nautiloid ship assaulted your mind. You hadn’t died, yet the trauma that you could have knocked the air from your lungs. A veil had been lifted from your desensitized mind. You weren’t even through the thick of it, the squirming parasite behind your eye being a palpable reminder. You stared wide-eyed at the group before you, taking note of the uneasy way Shadowheart looked from you to Astarion. You tried to choke out something, anything, but instead, a terrified whimper left your lips.
  The imbalance of authority was instantly discernable. Formerly the most capable of them all reduced to a powerless husk. Astarion stares at you warily, stepping closer only for you to cower backward, all but tripping over your own feet. “Please.” You pleaded against your better judgment. You were attentive to the knowledge he would never hurt you, but there was something profound in your brain telling you to run. He was a predator and you his prey. Perhaps the security of knowing you could always defend yourself if it came down to that was always there. Without the power, without those means, you indeed were afraid.
  Realization washes over Astarion’s face as he looks at you. The tension in the room was so impenetrable that Shadowheart spoke up hesitantly. “Give her some space.” No matter how sympathetic her words are, when she touches Astarion’s arm to give him a gentle tug back, he rips his extremity from her grasp. “Astarion.” She says firmly, looking at you with sad eyes. It was unspoken; if this was what you were to be, you’d never make it.
  “Fix her, devil.” He sneers, disregarding Shadowheart to the best of his ability. Raphael chortles, a playful glint in his eye. This was all a game to him.
  “So sad, wouldn’t you agree?” Raphael muses apathetically, moving to fiddle with the ends of your hair. Your body tenses and you want to run, but you’re frozen in place by fear. “At the end of the day, we are ultimately what our bodies perceive us to be. As for Tav, it would seem she’s not the leader you lot took her for after all. A travesty really.” His eyes lock on Astarion, a giddy smile on his face at the vampire’s anger. It oozed off of him, feeding Raphael sadistic joy.
  “You will not touch her Raphael-” Before he knew what had happened, he was laid out across the floor by a flick of the devil’s hand. Despite the aching in his bones, he pushes himself back up onto his feet, ready to pounce once again. Raphael already has his hand raised, ready to knock Astarion back once again.
  This time it’s Karlach’s hand that grabs him, holding him firmly in place. “Astarion, this won’t solve anything.”
  “By the hells it won’t! So that’s it? You want to abandon her here? After all she’s done for all of us? You ungrateful bastards! She’s stuck her neck out for each one of us and you turn on her just like that? Pathetic.” Astarions spits, his body shaking from the rage bubbling within himself.
  “Of course not! We love her just as much as you, but charging nonsensically at a devil whom we cannot touch over and over again won’t fix it.” Karlach exclaims and, perhaps because it was the most emotionally driven of the group to speak up, Astarion’s body loosens in defeat. Karlach withdraws her hand cautiously.
  “As much entertainment as I’m getting from watching this debacle, I believe we’re done here for now. I trust you’ll discuss this with your little wizard friend and let him know the crown is mine and I expect to receive it as soon as it is in your possession. Upon payment, I’ll restore our precious Tav’s previous state of being. I’m glad we’re all on the same page.” Raphael sends the group off with a snap of his fingers. The spinning surroundings bring you to your knees and you squeeze your eyes shut in a failed attempt to block out the sensation. Once you open your eyes, the group is back in the rented room of Elfsong. 
  A combination of the intense whirring, of everyone’s eyes on you, of your power being ripped from your body; you wretch. Your body heaves as the nausea finally subsides, Astarion is by your side, rubbing circles over your back and holding your hair loosely in his hand. Karlach has already fetched a fresh bucket of water and a stack of rags to clean the mess. Halsin, Jaheira, Wyll, Lae’Zel, and Gale look on in confusion, and you note Shadowheart gathering them together. Her voice was whispered and you couldn’t make out what was being said, but you didn’t have to be a scholar to know she was filling them in on the events that had transpired. Even Mizora was amongst them as if she was one of the same.
  The sight makes you want to wretch again but you hold back, gently pushing Astarion’s hands away from you. Your heart aches at the hurt look on his face but you just couldn’t. The power imbalance was too significant for you to handle in the moment; around any of your comrades, to be fair. However, there was something about Astarion that terrified you now. You knew it was senseless, but it couldn't be helped. “I need to be alone right now.” You manage from your raw throat. You did need to be alone; as alone as you possibly could be in the large room with nine other occupants.
  Karlach was one of the only people you allowed to stay with you as you lay in a daze on your bed. She was toweling a damp cloth over your forehead, chattering as usual. You recognized she was trying to act normal as if you hadn’t just had everything you’d ever known mangled from your very essence. You appreciated it. It was a far cry from the remainder of the party, now not bothering to hide what they were discussing as they tried to formulate next steps in the center of the room. You’d wished they wouldn’t, as selfish as it was. Though it seemed you were of some semblance of sound mind because you refrained from asking them to shut it down. They had to go on; with or without you. Astarion watched on in disgust from a corner of the room.
  Seeing you like this was destroying him, eating at his soul. He felt a fierce desire to protect you in this state, to keep you safe, yet you wouldn’t even let him near you. You were the only person who hadn’t treated him like something disposable in almost two centuries of existence. He feared that was gone. Would things get better? He yearned to hold you, to tell you everything would be okay. He hadn’t seen fear in someone’s eyes even comparable to yours since he was still a mindless slave to Cazador. Knowing that you felt that way about him struck him viscerally. He felt greedy for thinking it, but even if you didn’t become the fearless Tav you once were, he’d hoped you would eventually gain that trust with him again. Whatever the outcome, he would do what needed to be done to protect you.
  “I’m sorry but suggesting we just hand over Karsus Crown to a literal devil is insane! Have you lost your senses?” Gale shouted with conviction, throwing his hands up wildly.
  “Gale. What choice do we have? Tav has been a friend and she’d do the same for any one of us. We know what must be done.” Halsin reasons calmly in an attempt to ease the distressed wizard.
  “Well, I would bloody hope not!” Gale snaps in astonishment. “This is ludicrous!”
  Mizora pipes up and there is an air of amusement in her statement, “The bumbling one is correct. Raphael promises peace to the Nine Hells, but it is only a matter of time before he takes on other conquests. If you’d prefer the hells turn over; by all means.”
  “Come on! The lot of you have forced me into agreeance with a fiend.” Gale mutters.
  “A battle he will surely lose. Circumstantially, there’s no way the crown is powerful enough to intercept our plane.” Shadowheart reasons. 
  “Shadowheart, I have a great amount of respect for you, my friend. But you’ve no idea what you're talking about.” Gale holds a hand up dramatically in her direction.
  “She has a point.” Wyll finally offers his own input. “If our plane of existence could be overturned with the simple possession of this crown, it would have been done already, wouldn’t it? And if Raphael only wants to restore order in the hells, why not?”
  “All it would take is the correct entity. Just because something has not been done, does not mean it will never be done.” Gale sighs and there is a brief bought of silence before he continues. “Listen, Tav means just as much to me. It would pain me not to have her fight alongside us again, but-”
“Careful Gale of Waterdeep.” Astarion jeers as he approaches the group. “It would be a pity if someone had to put you in your place, but I can’t say I wouldn’t enjoy it. At this point, I’d think it a service to the rest of us.” 
  “Gale is right.” You declare. The group had been so engaged in conversation that they had failed to notice your approach. “I admire the lengths you guys would go to restore my power and I cherish each and every last one of you.” You shoot a small smile of reassurance at Gale, indicating that you indeed meant him too. “That being said, I recognize the need for boundaries. If this is the end of my road, well, I take pride in knowing I had the opportunity to assist our victors to the finish line.” You attempt a laugh, but it just sounds sad. You clear your throat. “Raphael cannot come into possession of this crown. I hope you all can respect my wishes.”
  Astarion wants to shake you, to tell you how foolish you were being. Had you really lost all of your senses when Raphael had stripped you of your power? “You will die, Tav. Do you not understand that? Without the means to protect yourself, you will die!” His shouting caused you to flinch and he instantly regretted it. The group sat in a paralyzed silence as they watched you two, not daring to interrupt Astarion in this state. “I will not lose the first thing I’ve loved in over two hundred years.” Tears threatened his ruby-red eyes, and he fought them back, suddenly very aware of how vulnerable he’d made himself amongst the party.
  “I know, Star.” You finally choke out after a lull of silence. You look away from him quickly and Karlach ushers you back to your bed. Astarion looks around the group with narrowed eyes as they disband to make their way to their collective beds. Why wasn’t anyone arguing this? How could they be so comfortable sentencing you to your death?
  Astarion stared up at the ceiling of the inn that night, unable to slip into his meditative state. Instead, he tried to grasp at the idea of you simply not existing—the months you had spent together that had felt like the entirety of his life left to mean nothing. It was tragic, just like the rest of his life. Of course someone like him couldn’t have a simple, happy ending. Why wouldn’t the very thing that kept him going be destined for death?
  His eyes open at the sound of approaching footsteps and your distinctive scent welcomingly floods his senses. He looks over to see you approaching his bed timidly as if you were uncertain about the action. “I don't,” you paused, fumbling with the hem of your shirt. “I don’t think I can sleep without you, Star.” You two hadn’t spent a night in separate beds since he had confessed his true feelings for you. The admission made his heart swell with hope and he shifts wordlessly, making room for you on the small bed beside him. He holds open the blanket for you, and you climb in. 
  He hears your heart slowing to a calm pace. The emotions were too overwhelming for you to comprehend. You had a newfound fear of the vampire, but your body craved his. Not just sexually, but it longed to be near him. It was as if it needed him to function properly. Astarion felt it too. It was like a missing piece of himself had returned to him, even if this moment was fleeting; he would hold you for as long as you let him, and he would wait for you to return when you were ready.
  There was one thing he was sure of. If you met your demise, so would Astarion. The time of only seeking power and authority was over for him. If he could, he would lay in this bed with you until you both withered to nothing. He did not want to outlive you in any sense of the word. He made a silent vow always to protect and keep you alive along with him. It was implicitly clear what he would be doing. The ascension had to be done, if only so you could live to see this through. The power and glory not even a last thought in his decision. He’d do this for you—the many conversations the two of you shared about the ritual flitted through his mind. You’d always been so careful of his wants while expressing apprehension about him going through with it. You’d convinced him, too. He was set that it was not what he wanted. He had been blinded by the splendor of it all. Things were different now. You would no longer be able to keep yourself alive; but he could.
“I love you, Tav.” He whispers.
“I love you, too, Star. More than air.” You murmured into his chest.
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lol2345l · 1 month
Text
MY VICTOR - finnick odair x f. reader
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summary: finnick had always been in love with you from when he was a little boy to a grown man, but ever since the years following his victory of the 65th hunger games when the news of what he must do to protect you hit him it all came crumbling down.
warnings: angst,fluff,self destructive behavior,trauma,!talks of sa…
❛ ━━━━━━・❪🐚❫ ・ ━━━━━━━━━━ ❜
Finnick had always felt this pull towards you. You were like a magnet.
He was seven years old when he first met you, he was sitting alone on the pier overlooking the beautiful seas he loved so much when you sat down by him holding a basket full of shells.
That day he ran home to his family proclaiming that he was in love.
Your families had known each other for a long time and were glad their kids were becoming friends. They often took you two to the beach, your fathers taught you how to fish together and your mothers walked you to school together every morning.
That is until you turned 12 years old and your father had passed in a boating accident.
The Odair family did everything possible to help you and your mother, but the pain was unbearable.
It was also your first ever year of having to participate in the awful and dreadful reaping. Thankfully you had Finnick by your side at all times. He helped ensure you that everything would be fine.
And it was…
Until it wasn’t.
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It was the morning of the annual reaping, the day many citizens of the districts dreaded. Your mother had prepared you a beautiful dress as you stood in front of the slightly cracked mirror admiring it.
You put on your locket, the one Finnick gave you at the beach when you were 12.
Now you were both 14, still closer than ever before sure that nothing could possibly break you apart.
But things change.
You and your mother headed out of your house walking by to the Odair household.
Finnick stood there smiling as he embraced you in a hug.
“You look very nice…” He smiled trailing off as he put his head down, he was blushing.
You chuckled and just smiled at him giving him a polite thank you as his mother embraced you in a hug.
You were used to his comments although there hadn’t been anything between you two yet.
Sure there was hugs,soft kisses to the cheek or forehead but the idea of being something more was never brought up.
You were both very young anyway and you were bound to have more time tho…right?
Right?
It all had happened so fast, every reaping day to you was usually a blur.
The escort of district 4 walked up to the stage picking through the large glass bowl containing the names of the girls, all praying and hoping not the be chosen.
As the name of a 16 year old girl is announced as she walks up to the stage head held high, you sigh deeply.
You were safe again.
You glanced over at Finnick who gave you his soft beautiful smile.
Now it was time for the boys. Your thoughts consumed you completely.
You knew it couldn’t be Finnick, there was no way. He would be safe again and you would be at the beach in a short amount of time swimming and collecting shells together.
“Finnick Odair!” The escort’s voice boomed through the air as your breath caught up in your throat.
You looked up frantically at Finnick, who was already looking at you. He gave you a sad smile and just nodded slowly.
You wanted to scream,cry and run up to him. And just as you were about to step out of the line and run after him, a girl who stood beside you grabbed your wrist tightly.
She tugged you back warning you and all you could do was just stand there. There was nothing else you could do to save him from this. No matter how much you wanted to.
As people began leaving you ran straight to your mother and the Odair’s, who were all being taken by the peacekeepers to see Finnick once more before he goes.
You were already a sobbing mess, but you couldn’t let him see you like that. He was suffering more, and he was about to suffer even more.
Mr and Mrs Odair went in first, your mother was trying to calm you down. As they left the room your mother held Mrs Odair tightly. She was truly distraught and broken, barely even able to stand.
You ran in as fast as you could as you enveloped Finnick into the tightest hug ever possible.
“You will be okay…I know you will. I believe you will, you will come back..Please,promise me you will.” You chocked out sobbing, holding his face gently in your hands.
He nodded, he needed to come back. He knew that. For his family, for you.
He needed to come back to be able to tell you how he truly feels about you. How his proclamation of love for you when he was seven years old was real. How it is real. He needed to come back so he could tell you how much he truly loved you.
“I promise. I’m coming back for you.” He kissed your forehead, a long kiss holding you close. He held you tightly before the peacekeepers rushed you out. Leaving him alone once more, before boarding the train to his uncertain,impending fate.
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Watching Finnick’s games was one of the worst things you have ever endured in your life.
Tears were flowing everywhere. Mr and Mrs Odair, your mother and you all watched carefully as Finnick won.
Now the tears were somewhat happy tears, tears of relief and joy. No matter what he had done he was coming back. You knew he would.
Finnick always kept his promises.
His victory tour felt as if years passed by, every hour, every minute was closer to Finnick coming back home.
To his family, to you.
And finally he was coming back. Huddled up at the train station, thousands of district 4 citizens were preparing to welcome home their victor.
As the train doors opened slowly, you ran into his arms. He held onto you so tightly, shaking slowly burying his head into the crook of your neck. You could feel a wet spot forming on your shirt from his tears.
Nothing to Finnick mattered anymore, he was back home holding the girl he loves in his arms.
It didn’t matter to him that almost his whole district was waiting for him. His world always stopped when you were there. You were the sun,the light of his day and the entire time in the capitol and in the games to him it had been dark. And now his sun was back to bring the warmth and light back into his world.
You had gently taken his face into your hands, like before he left and smiled nodding to his family.
He ran up to them, holding them tight before turning to wave to everyone.
Your mother stood by you smiling as Finnick continued to talk to his parents.
You had only now realized how tall Finnick really was. Even at 14, he was very grown. Has he always been this tall? Have you noticed too late? And has his hair always looked so good?
You were blushing just at the thought of him.
But you shouldn’t really, afterall Finnick is your best friend.
Later into the night district 4 had a small party for Finnick. You had dinner together with your families and Finnick shared storied about the capitol and confirmed if many of those rumors told around multiple districts were true.
You were glad to have the boy who stuck by you through everthing in life again.
The boy you love.
The one you love truly,madly and deeply.
❛ ━━━━━━・❪🐚❫ ・ ━━━━━━━━━━ ❜
Two years had passed by since Finnick’s games. The 67th games rolled in and you were thanfully safe once again.
Finnick dealt with bad nightmares as you tried to help him and console him. You let him into your house each time he would run to you from the victors village. Not crying until you opened the door.
You offered for him to stay with you because he was already running to you every night but he didn’t want to burden you and your mother.
Even though he would never be a burden to you ever you didn’t want to argue with him about it.
He deserved peace in any possible way he could get it. Even if it meant running to your house at 3am just to crawl into your bed.
As the 67th games came to an end Finnick was finally back home.
His birthday followed shortly after as his mother,father, your mother and you celebrated together in his house.
A loud knock on the door startled you and you got up to open it. You figured it would be Finnick’s mentor and neighbor Mags, but you were met with another very familiar face.
“President Snow.” You let out a small gasp as Finnick stands up from his spot on the couch rushing to the door quickly.
“Mr Odair, just the man I wanted to see. Happy birthday boy.” He chuckled as he stepped in, Finnick immediately led him to the study his father used.
It felt odd. The entire interaction but you brushed it off letting them talk whatever victor business they had to talk about.
It had already been about an hour and Mags joined you all.
Her expression had worried you deeply as you told her where Finnick was.
President Snow stepped out of the door without a word, just a slight nod at Mags.
A couple moments later everybody was staring at the door of the study.
Finnick emerged, eyes bloodshot red as he just ran out slamming the door behind him. His father got up quickly but his mother sat him back down.
You got up and ran out after him, towards the private beach of the victors village. Your heart broke into a million pieces. Seeing Finnick pacing around on the sand, hands running through his hair repeatedly as tears began to fall.
You didn’t think twice and just ran up to him hugging him tightly. He just fell apart in your arms.
The capitol facade gone. Just a boy from district four crying in the arms of the girl he loves so desperately, the girl who’s heart will break to find out what he must do to keep her safe.
So he resorts to the alternative.
He lies.
Finnick explained he was just stressed and overwhelmed with the victor duties and business, lying about how Snow wanted him to socialize more. His parents believed it and let it go, you barely did. But you did.
After all you didn’t know how it was to be a victor. But if it was always like this, it sure as hell wasn’t as sweet and perfect as they said on all of those capitol broadcasts.
That night you and Finnick shared your first ever kiss. A long,loving and passionate kiss. This time on the lips for a change.
And you were beaming. It was finally happening.
He was ecstatic. The kiss made him forget all about what Snow said. He knew he had to do it anyway. He just got you, he couldn’t lose you so quick.
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Ever since that night on the beach you and Finnick had been together.
As the tragedy of Mr and Mrs Odair’s passing struck it hit you like a truck. They were like your second set of parents. A big part of your family.
Their passing was so sudden and yet nobody questioned anything. No matter how close you had been you never found out how they died. Finnick said it was a boating accident, but their boat was still at the docks.
You didn’t want to question it any further as Finnick was clearly already struggling with everything, and who were you to scold him some more now?
The reaping for the 69th hunger games came quicker than ever. Your last reaping.
Thankfully you were safe once more and now it was over. You were now 18 years old and free from having to participate in the games. It was truly a blessing.
Although something with Finnick was completely off.
He would come home from the capitol angry and distraught. You tried to confront him and ask him whats wrong but he would just shut you out.
He would either just storm out or lock himself in the bathroom.
He couldn’t escape you though, he was the one who asked you to move in anyway.
It was a constant battle. Finnick coming back home angry,lashing out and then holding you tightly in bed asking for your forgiveness for how he acted towards you.
You didn’t know how to feel. How were you supposed to react when the slightest thing could set him off?
How were you supposed to even act around him when you didn’t even know what was wrong?
So you took it upon yourself. Next time he came back home you stopped him in front of the bathroom.
You had begged him to tell you what was wrong. You were already a sobbing mess as he just shook his head. His eyes glistening slightly, tears threatening to flow.
“I need to take a shower…Please just move.” He told you, his voice cracking slightly. He wanted to fall into your arms and cry. He wanted to tell you everything so badly. But he already lost his family, he had to suck it up and do it for you.
He could still feel their lingering hands all over his body and all he wanted to do was just shower. Scrub away his skin and the rose scent of the capitol.
You just moved away from the door. You gathered some of your things and ran out of the front door.
You went home to your mother and didn’t tell Finnick. You figured he heard the door slam.
He did. He heard it loud and clear. He knew he had to tell you at some point. Because he was losing you. He stood in the warm shower for at least three hours, just scrubbing at his skin over and over again.
He didn’t want to have to tell you. He didn’t want to do this. He felt disgusting. He loves you so much. You trust him and he has to do this behind your back. Sell himself to the hungry capitol citizens.
He wished it was you. He wished it was just you. Every client he compares to you. The way their eyes will never be that same beautiful color that yours are, and the way they will never shine in the sunlight the way yours do.
He prays for it all to end as fast as possible, so he could go home back to you. But when he sees you it hurts. It hurts that you don’t have a clue about why he’s gone all the time, why he comes back so distraught.
So he just does what he became best at. He lies again.
He shuts you out saying he’s fine, he showers and climbs into bed falling asleep. And he repeats the cycle every time he comes back from the capitol.
Until one night.
You stayed up waiting for him. You couldn’t do it anymore. Did he find someone else? Was there someone special in the capitol? Was she prettier? Was she funnier? Did he enjoy her company more?
All those thoughts consumed you as he entered the house. The door slammed.
You knew what kind of night it was. He would just shower and ignore you completely. He wouldn’t even argue.
But you weren’t letting him do it anymore. You got up from the couch, his eyes wide as he saw you.
You looked up at him, shirt unbuttoned slightly, hair tousled and ruffled.
And then the worst of all. The marks on his neck.
That confirmed all of your suspicions. You and Finnick hadn’t done anything like that yet. He was very gentle with you and you were with him aswell. On the days where he was somewhat okay.
You just stood there, and he stood there aswell. Complete silence until your sobs and cries were filling up the room. Bouncing off of the walls.
He stepped closer and you just backed away. What else where you meant to do? You love Finnick more than anything. You were always there for him. You never ever said anything to him even when he acted like you were absolutely nothing to him.
“Please…just let me-” He tried to say before you cut him off. Before your hands, much smaller compared to his chest pushed him back.
“I’m not letting you do anything anymore!” You screamed out through your sobs. You could barely breathe. The anger and sadness all combined into one practically controlling you.
It had been a very long night of fighting. You kept going back and forth and he still didn’t give you a reasonable explanation. You were sure every resident of the victors village heard you two. He still wasn’t giving you any answers.
Finnick was about to crack, but he couldn’t. It was safer if you didn’t know. He just sat there letting you yell at him. What else could he do? You were right about everthing anyway.
That is until you got up and left.
You couldn’t do it anymore. The silence was eating you alive, so you ran out of the house and ran to the beach you and Finnick loved so much as kids.
You needed to be as far as possible from the victors village and one certain victor.
Finnick. The man you love, your Finnick. Had supposedly found someone better.
Was that what he wanted? Did he need more from you? Was what you were giving not enough?
One again your thoughts consumed you, you barely even realized that you were crying once again and also barely noticed the strong arms that had embraced you.
Finnick.
He followed you to the beach because he had to tell you. It was time. He couldn’t keep you in the dark anymore, it would only drive you further away from him.
“President Snow is selling me.” He blurted out. He didn’t even try to sugarcoat it. It was the harsh truth, and saying it out loud while holding the girl he loves in his arms truly made it sound even worse.
You looked up at him mouth agape. At first it took you a moment to register what he just said. Selling him? And then it hit you.
The bruises you noticed over the past few months, the marks on his neck.
All you could do was gasp. You cupped his face as gently as possible as now his tears were flowing like you’ve never seen before.
You held him that night, at the beach, at home and in bed. He told you everything.
You felt sick.
Not because you were disgusted by him, but because you were disgusted by what your supposedly great leader of Panem was doing to the man you love. He was ruining him.
He told you all about the victors trade. Each information he gave you broke your heart more. And when he finished it was just little bits and pieces left. It felt as if somebody stabbed you.
“I never wanted to do any of this…I only wanted to stay..I only wanted you.” He said his head was on your chest and you were playing with his hair.
“I know, I know.” You assured him kissing his head gently but passionately.
All he had ever done was for you. Every little thing. From helping you carry your shells home to selling himself just to ensure your safety. You were beyond grateful.
You promised him that you would never judge him, that you would hold him forever.
And that you did.
Each night when he came back you were there to hold him, help him scrub his skin, spray your vanilla perfume he loved so much all over the house and him to get rid of the smell of roses that lingered on his body and clothes.
You took care of him. You always would. It was him and you against the world. Against the awful and unfair world you lived in.
But your love was stronger. Strong enough to overcome the capitol. Snow couldn’t break you.
Even if he wanted to, you would always find your way back to each other.
And now holding him in bed as he finally calmed down, it felt as if it was just you and Finnick in the world.
Just you and your victor.
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HI GUYSSS!!! I hope you like this one i’m not so sure how I feel about it…
BUT ANYWAYS thank you @coca-lastic for the idea and I hope you like it!!!
Thank you for reading my previous post and thank you so much for all of the reposts and likes it means a lot 💝
193 notes · View notes
allisonlol · 9 months
Note
HII !! could you do dazai, chuuya and fyodor with a s/o that forgot pretty much everything from their past/forgets a lot in the present due to trauma? if possible male reader, and if not gn works aswell! thank you :))
a/n: felt this req hard LOL
warnings: memory loss, past trauma (not elaborated on)
(Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor) With a S/O with Memory Loss From Trauma
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Dazai
i feel like dazai can relate in some ways because he too has immense trauma but instead of forgetting it, he remembers it too well
therefore in a way he's grateful that ur brain is blocking those memories so u don't have to remember the pain
dazai had noticed your forgetful behavior the second he met you, and had already categorized it as due to trauma in your past
honestly finds your forgetfulness adorable but it also enrages him bc someone hurt you enough to cause it
simply does not comment on any of this though. if you mention that you forgot something that happened literally yesterday he'll simply smile at you (is that a hint of sadness in his expression?) and reassure u that it's okay
will text u updates throughout the day to make sure u aren't forgetting anything
pictures pictures pictures!!!! literally photographs everything u guys do together so you can always look back to remember :)
but unbeknownst to you, dazai will secretly do some deep digging into your past to find out exactly what happened and who to get revenge on <3
^trust me when i say they will deeply regret everything they had ever done to you
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Chuuya
it's canon that chuuya can't remember what... the first 7 years of his life? so he totally understands
he won't question u at all abt the reasonings for your memory loss unless u wanted to talk abt it
does get worried abt your current forgetfulness though. with a job as strenuous as being in the mafia, having a good memory is important
^if any of the higher ups knew you weren't "sufficient enough" in that department, despite your other strengths, you would be disposed of
this added stress doesn't help you at all but chuuya does his best to keep you safe
^having a boyfriend who is also your executive is very useful in this aspect
leaves little notes and reminders on your desk so u won't forget anything important
hell, chuuya will even fill out reports for you if u were having trouble remembering the events that took place
i feel like he would also pay very close attention to everything u guys do together so, if you forgot, he would be able to tell you all about it
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Fyodor
another one who categorized your memory loss as due to trauma the second he met you
unlike the others tho, he will question u about it
if you’re honest with him & say that it’s due to traumatic events, he’ll ask if you want him to do anything about it for you (in other words, find and eliminate the ones who caused it 😊)
^if you say no to this, he’ll nod and agree with u but secretly hunt them down on his own
however if you lie to fyodor and say that you’re just forgetful (not due to trauma) he’ll frown & keep asking probing questions until he gets the truth out of u
has he heard of privacy? like damn
^its out of love tho. not saying it’s right but fyodor shows his care by learning as much abt u as possible. he needs to know everything, good or bad
finds your current forgetfulness adorable, albeit irritating at times (remember who we’re talking abt here)
if you forgot an event or important piece of information he will get slightly annoyed with you & might say some insensitive things 😬
^tho once he sees that he’s upset you, fyodor will usually sigh and apologize
recommends u keep a journal for reminders, however he also logs all events that u do alone or together so you won’t forget in the future
taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @scul-pted @exorcisedstraydog @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @stygianoir @sonder-paradise @dreaming-of-ambedo @nervousyetconfidentway @beautiful-is-boring @irethepotato @serenareiss @thescrunkly @ashthemadwriter @mrsdostoevsky @creamygojo @disa-ster
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smoft-demons · 2 months
Note
If you aren't busy could you try writing about an mc that looks identical to Lilith and maybe even has a similar name example: lily, Lillian etc. (If you can, maybe mc that has a similar personality with lilith) And Ofc its platonic. (sorry if you don't understand, I barely ask on tumblr(⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠;⁠)
Also! It can be fluff or angst (if you can't write all of the brothers lucifer, belphegor and Beelzebub would be fine(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)
Mc can be gender neutral! (You can choose whatever format you're comfortable with)
Ofc if u don't want to its fine, i just saw your requests open
Sorry if this is too long(⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)
Sure! No worries about it being too long, it gives me lots to work with :)
First request yay! Hope you like it
MC’s name is Lily
Lucifer:
Lucifer double-takes when he first sees you. He knew your name in advance, but looking at you, seeing the resemblance… it shocks him.
He keeps a straight face, however.
It becomes increasingly obvious that he has a soft spot for you. It grows softer and softer as he gets to know you.
When you harmlessly disobey him, he can’t help but let you off. Lilith was a bit of a rebel too, and you look just like her when you’re trying to be sneaky
He loses it when you put yourself in danger! You remind him so much of his baby sister, who he gave everything he could for… and he’s supposed to keep this blasted human alive, so help him he will succeed! It’s a matter of pride—and also trauma.
All that is there, but still Lucifer makes an effort to pay attention to the differences between Lilith and you. Few as there may be, he will not cloud his own judgement by thinking of you as the new her.
And he will not do you the disservice of acting like you’re someone you’re not.
When the ancestry reveal happens, he’s not exactly surprised. It’s still great news, but… not shocking!
He’s already had his crisis about not being unfair to you by acting like you’re a replacement, so he’s actually pretty good about not saying anything hurtful along those lines.
Beelzebub:
He can’t bear to look at you at first
I mean really, how he’s grieving his sister plus how he’s missing his twin… what’s he supposed to do? You’re in Belphie’s spot, and you’re called Lily, and you’re even acting like her… his heart aches
Good news tho, he definitely won’t eat you
He feels AWFUL for scaring you that one time, about the custard
And that conversation when he opens up to you about that impossible choice he had to make about who to save? He won’t admit it to you or to himself, but a big part of why he asked you who you would have chosen is that he hopes you can give him some insight into what Lilith would have chosen. If she would have made the choice he did.
Once you’ve become good friends with him, he does make an effort to not confuse you with his sister… but it’s hard for him, especially if you look and act like her. He’s really trying!
He would want to hug you for hours after having nightmares of falling. It helps him feel like maybe he’s not a total failure of a protector
He’s giving Mammon a run for his money in terms of being protective of you.
Beel finds himself conflicted after the big reveal. He’s overjoyed to have Belphie back, but he’s so angry with him for hurting you, and also he’s so upset with himself for not realizing Belphie was trapped in the attic the whole time, and ALSO he’s struggling with keeping you separate from Lilith in his mind, similar and genuinely connected as you are, and that makes him feel even more guilty because he genuinely does love you just for yourself. He feels like it’s very mean to you if he lets himself be distracted from that.
This is further complicated by you naturally falling into the role of his baby sister. He loves having you in that role, but it’s hard. A bit triggering. He’s working through it!
All in all, he’s a good big brother. He’d be overjoyed to hear it if you tell him that.
Belphegor:
Learning your name sends him spiralling. He was thinking of this exchange program as a betrayal to Lilith’s memory, he thought Lucifer had forgotten about her, he thought Lucifer didn’t care, but he chose a human named LILY?? Is this him being manipulative, is this coincidence, does it mean he HASN’T stopped caring, does it mean he’s trying to replace their lost baby sister with some human?
Belphie can’t figure it out.
He hangs onto his hatred. He carries out the first steps of his plan
When you meet him, he just… stares. You look like her…
He refuses to cry about it! He sticks to the script, lying to your face as planned, summoning all the hatred and resentment in his fallen heart.
But… you keep coming back. Not just to update him about your pact collecting, but also… just to chat? Checking on him, bringing him small snacks and things that fit through the gaps in the door, telling him about what his brothers are up to, reminding him that Beel misses him terribly and no one has forgotten about him
He’s finding it hard to keep hating you. In all honesty, he’s grown fond of you! But he has a plan and he’s sticking to it! You’re NOT his sister, and nothing short of a miracle can convince him to let go of his resentment!
In timeline A, after the first jailbreak, he never gets around to harming you. He can’t figure out if it’s due to laziness, lack of opportunity, fondness for you on his part, or not wanting to make Beel sad. This becomes irrelevant of course, after Diavolo imprisons him
In timeline B, you’re sent back in time to see how he got released. You open the door, he offers you the hug, you accept.
It’s… nice, for a long moment. Gentle and warm and comfy.
And then he regains his determination, going ahead with his plan to kill you. He gets as far as “Finding it hard to breathe?” before he looks at you. Expecting to feel sadistic satisfaction at seeing a human face screwed up in pain like that. But… you look like his baby sister.
You look just like his baby sister, and you’re scared and hurt. His baby sister… panicking and tearful, because of HIM
He can’t do it
His grip relaxes. He doesn’t let you go, but he’s no longer hurting you.
He’s shaking.
You feel… moisture in your hair. Your throat is bruised and bleeding from his claws digging into your skin. You’re wheezing through your crushed airway. Your brain is flooded with adrenaline. Your prey terror hasn’t let up, as the demon who was threatening your life is still holding you, and he’s CLEARLY still unstable. But, maybe crying from guilt is safer than cold determination to murder you…?
At this point, the others rush in. Mammon tears you away from Belphie. Beel is frozen in horrified confusion. Belphie is having a breakdown on the floor.
Diavolo and Barbatos fill everyone in. Belphie can’t even look at you, he feels so awful.
As you both heal, you get closer. You become real friends. You learn what aspects of the Belphie you knew from the attic were lies, and the surprising amount of things that were true. With everyone’s help, Belphie really digs deep and commits to finally unpacking his trauma and his survivor’s guilt and his grief.
Once you trust him enough—and he trusts himself enough—he takes every opportunity to spoil you. He’ll cuddle you whenever you want, he’ll make sure you don’t get any nightmares, he’ll share his food, he’ll even let you wake him up for dumb things without getting mad at you.
______
I didn’t have many ideas for the rest. I had some for Mammon, but nowhere near as many as for these three. I might add the Mammon ideas as a short bonus later, if I have the energy or any more inspiration.
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itskattkm · 4 days
Text
New York New Rules Pt. 8
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Warnings: Violence, Trauma, Fluff, maybe Smut, mental health, blood
Summary: Y/N meets the survivors of the last events in Woodsborrow and gets on Ghostface's list. But there is also a darkness in Y/N wich path is she going to choose
Female Y/N x Tara Carpenter
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
A/N: as promised the new chapter. I’m sorry it turned out pretty short. Even tho I have the plot and ending and everything already planned I felt some writers Block at this part of the story. I hope you guys can still enjoy. And I try my best in the next chapter. But I can’t tell when it comes out. Maybe I find some motivation and time over the holidays soon. Love - Kat
Sam POV
I made a last pull on my cigarette before Danny came to me and tried to comfort me. I dropped the cigarette and extinguished it with my boot. "someone took our knives..." I started and played the situation in the kitchen in my head again and again. I had often felt betrayed but that moment... was one of the highlites. "I don't know who to trust" I whispered and Danny gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead "then don't trust anyone. Not them, not me Sam" one last time I looked in his eyes before he left. Now that my view was clear, my eyes fell on Tara and Mindy who were sitting in the back of the ambulance. But they were not alone. Y/N... what was she looking for here? She should be in the hospital. I watched her calmly. Her forearm was still bandaged, just like Taras back then. So of course she could leave the hospital if she wanted to. Mindy reluctantly hugged her and in the way Y/N held Mindy I could see that she probably needed this hug more than Mindy herself. Her eyes were slightly reddish when she wanted to check on Anika but she had been driven ti the hospital already.
"She said anything?" I asked when I noticed Tara next to me and we watched Y/N together. Seriously and with a cool tone, she said "In fact, I texted her about what happened, but she was surprisingly fast here... maybe she came here with Kirby" slowly I turned to Tara and looked at her without emotion when I whispered "there was second ghostface... but he had helped Anika" Tara tried not to show any reaction so that no one would notice it, but her eyes widened "I also saw a second ghostface, I wanted to go back to the apartment and met him. But he didn't seem to care about me and he didn't want to let me into the apartment" what? Thought Sam.
That was new... Mindy was right. In this franchise, everything was damn possible. I bit my teeth slightly and looked back at Y/N "we have to find out what Kirby and Y/N supervision has to do" Tara followed my look and said coldly "I'm working on it" I nodded to her in agreement and looked back to the alley when a crying attracted my attention to me. Bailey.
Y/N a few minutes ago
Slightly out of breath, I reached the crime scene outside. Almost panicked, I searched for the faces of the Woodsborrow Gang and was more than relieved when I saw Tara and Mindy in the ambulance. With quick steps I ran towards her, few tears in the eyes "hey..." I said quietly.
Tara's gaze hit mine first. She was surprised almost beaten in the face when I pushed all thoughts and feelings aside and took her firmly in my arms. To my surprise, she replied, but only hesitantly. "I just had to come here," I said and detached myself from Tara. We briefly exchanged glances that I could not interpret at that moment that all I could feel and perceive right now was a mixture of worry and deafness. I looked at Mindy and took a step towards her. Silence... we stared at each other longer. Nobody knew what to say. One thing was clear, I was still mad at Mindy... the last few days she hadn’t been a good friend to me but I didn't care right now. On the other hand, Mindy probably only thought again about whether she could trust me.
She sighed as she got up and squeezed me tight. With all the strength I had, I put my arms firmly around her. I had forgotten how good a hug could feel. "How is Anika..?" I asked and managed to hold back my tears. Our embrace easily dissolved when we looked at each other calmly. Mindy's look was now much gentler and friendlier again. The last few hours I only got cold, skeptical and reproachful glances from her.
"They just left, she lost a lot of blood" I nodded "we should go back to the hospital right away" she nodded to me silently and said after a short rest "I'm sorry... I was quite a bitch" I had to laugh "yes and what a one!" With a raised eyebrow she looked at me "but I can totally understand you minds... believe me" now she had to laugh a little and squeezed me again.
And then I felt Mindy squeeze me tighter. It kinda showed me that she was suddenly mega pissed on and shortly afterwards I also knew why.
"I heard what happened, are you okay?" I heard a way too nice voice say. Mindy and I dissolved our hug and I turned around. When my and Ethan's eyes met, I recognized slight confusion in them, but before he could further reveal his reaction, Chad already pushed him furiously against one of the vans on the street and asked "where the hell have you been!"
I turned around. Lost in my mind. I looked down on the asphalt.
Why did Ethan look so surprised. I had to admit that only his eyes had betrayed him. But what did that mean? Didn't he expect me? My thoughts became wilder. Pictures of all events played out like a quick movie in my head when I tried to understand.
Ethan hasn't been at the hospital.
Maybe he was the one who attacked me? I wasn’t sure. But I had a bad feeling about that guy.
"Y/N... your coming?" A voice got me out of my thoughts. I looked up and looked into dark exhausted eyes. But there was so much more. So much more and I couldn't see it exactly.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
Tara was about to say something when suddenly Gale interrupted us saying
"I need to show you guys something".
So in the next moments I saw us following Gale, while she kept discussing with Kirby how to do to a proper job and telling Kirby how she didn't new about the place she wanted to show us. I was staying beside Kirby. Tara and Sam behind me. While Mindy and Chad where also right behind us with Ethan and the rest.
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