#This is barely scratching the surface. I have so many songs on this playlist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bippityboppitybibuck · 3 years

Text

This ficlet is written for and inspired by @valleydeans A Ghost Story. It contains spoilers to the entire story, so please don’t read this if you haven’t finished reading it yet. Wc:1400, no extra warnings (warnings for original fic stand) Italicizes mark establishing narrative the rest is in Cas’ POV.

It first plays on the old radio that sits attached to the bottom of one of the kitchen cupboards in the townhouse. Both Sam and Dean forgot it existed, left behind by the previous tenants, since they never had cause to use it but it was simple enough that Cas managed to get it turned on.

Granted it was only because the button was labeled Power; Cas knows even a moron could have figured that one out.

Cas didn't know how to change what music played at first, so he pressed buttons until something happened and took note of the outcomes. Seek seemed to be his friend, AM did not, and one afternoon while Dean and Sam were out at class or work or the library - there were so many places for Dean to be now, back before his resurrection Cas could have just walked around the grounds of the manor until he came upon him but now Dean is as hard for Cas to find as his place in this new time is - he finds a station that played a lovely song with a piano (Sam later told him it was an ‘indie station’, he doesn’t know how to tell him that he has no idea what that means) soft lyrics fell upon his ears and he lost his afternoon to meaneal tasks while the music floated from the small machine.

He takes notice of a song that starts to play only because it is in such contrast to the music the machine has been playing for the better part of the afternoon. There's a heaviness to the melody, an intensity that the other songs lacked, he spends much of the song listening only to the instruments.

The only line that actually sinks in after that first listen is “there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin” and he can’t understand why his chest seems to expand against his ribs while his lungs squeeze themselves together because he’s never heard the type of lyric that was made to hit you square in the chest because, well, there’s not been a lot of music listening aside from piano and string quartets in his life.

He asks Sam how to learn the words in a song and Sam shows him how to get to a ‘Google tab’ so he can look up the song (Sam reckons a genius lyrics page might be a little too much for Cas). He types the words he remembers into the ‘Google’, and is decidedly confused by what can only be the name of the song. Take Me to Church, while a lovely name, stands out like a sore thumb in his head alongside the titles of the pieces he aimed to perfect in his old life.

He spends as much time as possible over the next three days listening to the song on ‘Youtube’ while he reads the lyrics, he just barely manages to stop himself from writing the lyrics out on paper so he can look at them when he’s away from a computer (like when Dean heads to school with his laptop and he can’t listen unless the machine - a ‘radio’ apparently - decides to play it)

Each line draws him in and pushes him away in equal measure, humor for Cas doesn’t mean laughing at a funeral it means Dean teasing him, tickling him, smiling as he waits for the joke to land on Cas’ ears. But still they all seem to resonate beyond what he thought was possible, Dean was always met with disapproval, he always wanted to worship him in any way he could, even now he curses the moments they could have had together if only one of them had been braver before the night spent in their clearing.

“We were born sick / you heard them say it” and “I was born sick, but I love it” stop his breath cold on every listen. He doesn’t allow himself to look too deeply into that, he’s long since accepted himself and delving into beliefs of a time long since past does no one any good.

What strikes him as odd is that there's a violence to the love and devotion that he can’t really understand, worshipping like a dog and revealing your sins to the sound of steel being honed isn't how he loves Dean, isn't how he sees Dean as his salvation, he writes hymns inspired by Dean. He doesn’t, could never, equate his devotion to something so lacking in softness, not when he can still feel the tufts of Dean’s hair under his nose or the petals of the roses Dean winded up the trellis on the side of his balcony.

The focus on a violent love turns him off from the song but there’s a pull in his mind with each iteration of “offer me my deathless death” he knows enough to know it might be a reference to sexual pleasure but he can't shake that something about the line draws him in, what with his death being undone when Dean brought him back.

The bridge, as the website calls it (Sam does eventually end up showing Cas the genius page), he reads the most, over and over and over and he thinks how it was just him and Dean in those stolen moments, how the doctrine he was told to follow labelled him a sinner but with Dean that didn't matter, it didn't even filter into the moment. The ritual the man sings of, the scene that plays out with it, becoming clean, human, he can’t even put words to why that settles so deeply into his chest, why it makes sense to him even though he never truly felt dirty about the things he and Dean did, the love they shared. But the truth of the matter is that Dean made him human again that night in the manor, and in doing so made him clean, clean of the never ending hell of the manor, just like he had promised to do all that time ago.

“Let me give you my life” sits heavy in his skull, it scratches at something deep within his brain for weeks. Ever since he first took the words into his head something about them made him think of them. It didn’t make sense though, Cas’ death hadn’t given Dean his life. Hell Cas’ death almost surely led to Dean’s own. So why would this lyric stick with him?

It's about a month after the successful ritual that he hears the song again, a fluke video on ‘autoplay’ on the youtube tab Dean keeps open for him. Let me give you my life. Let me give you my life. Cold fingers dance along the hairs at the nape of his neck, blood covers his hands, a redo, a trade off. Let me give you my life. And then a trade again, Dean to him this time. Let me give you my life. Good god, let me give you my life. The weeks spent ruminating over the line make sense now, as though some deep part of him always knew of the choice he made that night, the choice to save his love, the choice to give his life for the only thing that ever made him feel alive.

In the wake of his completed reincarnation, the sloughing off of death’s hold on him, the song takes on intense new meaning, which is no surprise really. His heaven is and has always been the moments he and Dean spend alone together, afternoons in the music room or midnights spent wrapped around each other. His lover is the sunlight, to keep the goddess on their side Cas and then Dean offered their sacrifices. Deathless deaths in multiples, love is worth more than what Sunday’s used to hold.

One night he plays the song for Dean, when the spring shoots are digging their way to the surface and the snowdrops are withering. He says nothing when Dean’s hold on him tightens as the song plays, he doesn't mention the hitches in his husband’s breath or the redness in his eyes when Dean hits replay on the song. He doesn’t bring up the way this song seems to recount their story with startling accuracy, he knows Dean understands. Take Me to Church... they needn’t worry, they’ve already reached salvation.

Sam sneaks the song into the playlist for the reception, their guests assume it’s just another popular song with a decent beat but for them it’s undoubtedly more.

#a ghost story #my writing #destiel ficlet #wayward 👼#I don’t know how else to tag this

22 notes · View notes

engagedzukka · 4 years

Note

top 5 zukka songs from t swift? x

THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION. but i’ll do my best.

1. peace. i feel like this is probably the most Zukka song that Taylor has ever written. on its MOST surface level, you have spot-on Zukka references such as “but i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm / if your cascade ocean wave blues come” and “it’s like i’m wasting your honor.” but the song also deals with a theme we all know Zuko in every universe will grapple with: “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” we all know Zuko loves Sokka, but he’s fully aware he lives a chaotic and dangerous life, and there’s a constant fear that that danger will spill over and impact Sokka. this song perfectly encapsulates those fears. (and of course, we all know that Sokka’s answer would be YES! of course it would be enough!) if you need ANY more convincing, please read rachel’s gorgeous zukka fic based off this song.

2. Treacherous. i wrote a whole fic about this song, so you should have seen this coming. obviously, i view this song as describing the moments when young Sokka and Zuko are falling in love, despite all the reasons not to. every line of this song is perfect for them, but i especially want to draw attention to “nothing safe is worth the drive, and i will follow you, follow you home.” i think this is just so very Zukka - Zuko follows Sokka to the Boiling Rock when he has no reason to, and then Sokka truly does follow Zuko home to the Fire Nation where they fall in love. this song also just captures the tentativeness and hesitation that i think is inevitable in the initiation of the Zukka relationship in any universe.

3. Daylight. GOD, this song is so Zukka. it’s about that moment when you realize you’ve gone from all the turbulent relationships of your past to a calm, happy, perfect one of your present. Sokka and Zuko have gone through SO MUCH, lost so many people, made so many mistakes, and yet. now that they’re together, everything is good. sunny and happy and good. every line of this song is unnervingly romantic, but just take the beautiful chorus: “I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you / I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you / I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night / And now I see daylight, I only see daylight.” (HINT: SOKKA IS THE DAYLIGHT.)

4. Delicate. fuck. doesn’t this just perfectly capture all those nervous feelings right at the start of a relationship? i think this song is a great example of Zuko’s POV from the beginning of the Zukka relationship. “do the girls back home touch you like i do?” and “stay here honey i don’t want to share” and “sometimes when i look into your eyes / i pretend you’re mine all the damn time” make me think of the beginning of the Ambassador / Fire Lord relationship, maybe when things are still casual and Sokka is still traveling back and forth, and Zuko is wishing for MORE. also, “my reputation’s never been worse, so you must like me for me.” this is TOTALLY Zuko’s mindset at the beginning of his reign. he’s never been so unpopular and so criticized. if Sokka can love him through THAT? well, then he must really love Zuko for ZUKO.

5. You Are In Love. need I say more? this song perfectly describes that moment when Sokka and Zuko realize this infatuation between them is so much more than just a fling. every line fits them, but i’ll draw your attention to this one: “and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars / and why i’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words.” the hundred year war of the ATLA world began because of lost love between Roku and Sozin. the war was ended and world repaired through the new love of Sokka and Zuko. is there anything on earth more romantic than that???

Honorable Mention: The Archer. “all of my enemies started out friends - help me hold on to you. i’ve been the archer, i’ve been the prey. who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay? you could stay.”

this barely scratches the surface. HERE IS MY ZUKKA TAYLOR SWIFT PLAYLIST with a bunch of the other songs i associate with them in approximate order of how i think their relationship would develop.

#hi-raethia #ask #IM SORRY I WENT PSYCHO #no im not <3 #thanks for letting me ramble #ily

110 notes · View notes

cherry-interlude · 3 years

Text

Lana Del Rey Album Songs Ranking (Remade)

It’s been a few years since I ranked all of Lana’s (album) songs so I wanted to do it again. This is all my OPINION, which I’m sure some people might disagree with, but you don’t have to agree with it. This is also a very long post.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

This cover song is just a little too drab and uninteresting to me, and I never listen to it. After the brilliant, sprawling, sexy, heart-breaking tracks on Honeymoon, this feels like a tacked-on track just to plump up the album. It feels simply like a cover.

For Free

Though this is a well-made song, with three brilliant women owning the track, it again just feels like a cover. It fits in well with Chemtrails, but by the time I get to this song I’ve had my fill.

Breaking Up Slowly

It just feels repetitive and simple, something only to have on in the background while my attention is diverted. It’s a good song and a nice attempt at bringing Lana’s country music in, but it does little to keep me interested.

God Knows I Tried

This song is filler. Jammed between the jazzy softness of Terrence Loves You and the pop favourite High By The Beach, this track just feels like it was sort of shoved in. It doesn’t even feel completely right on Honeymoon, instead a throwaway song that bridges Ultraviolence and Honeymoon whilst not fitting in with either album.

Though perfect for the credits of a Hollywood movie, 24 has plenty of flair but nothing of substance. The lyrics aren’t as imaginative as most of Lana’s music and I’m not surprised this song found itself near the end of the album.

Lucky Ones

Personally, this song irritates me. It's sickly in its lyrics, sugary in the romance and classic Lana tropes of dangerous men and Lana starstruck by them no matter if they’re ‘careless cons and crazy liars’. The little flair of the verses and the overtly sweet chorus really irks me, especially following the brilliance that is Lana’s first ‘Del Rey’ album.

Coachella

It is a rushed track, sounding completely unfinished and hurried with an unconvincing track beat. Polished, it would be brilliant – but it sounds like Lana thought of the song (which sounds promising in the video where she sits in the forest and sings) and had to force it to ‘fit in’ with the trap-pop tracks on Lust For Life. The lyrics are thoughtful, if not cliché, but it could have been done better.

This Is What Makes Us Girls

It just doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe because I can’t connect to the lyrics in any way, I just don’t feel anything when I hear this song and choose to skip it. That being said, the demos are pretty fun.

God Bless America

As much as it’s a song honouring women during a period of time when feminism was being shaken, it doesn’t quite feel like Lana’s heart is in it. The patriotism is uneasy considering she was removing herself from the American flag and its associations, and the anthemic feel never lifts. It’s a sweet song, but never goes deeper than surface level.

Religion

Though fairly sexy and haunting – her unshaken faith to her man, her drawling voice – this delicate track is too simple and sombre for me to get completely into it. I always want to skip and get to my favourites.

In My Feelings

It’s great Lana has a bad-girl, bad-bitch, fuck-you pop track but this, like Coachella, feels unfinished. It has the vibe of work in progress, and the vocals are still messy (surely intentionally, though it doesn’t always come across that way) as well as trying slightly too hard. It doesn’t compare to Fucked My Way Up To The Top.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

The verses don’t match up to the choruses and I feel nothing – not empowered or emotional – when listening to this song, but it is a beautiful duet between Lana and Stevie. Their voices really are divine together and though I don’t listen to this song much, the demos are even better.

Change

Mostly because it freaks me out, this is a song I don’t often listen to. With a basic structure yet long, meandering lyrics, Lana broods over the state of America at the time, which can make for depressive listening. Though it’s a pretty enough song, it’s seriousness is too much to bear sometimes.

Blue Velvet

Sometimes too slow, Blue Velvet doesn’t inspire multiple listens in me, but it is a gorgeous cover and absolutely a showcase of Lana’s vocals.

Diet Mountain Dew

A cheeky little track that won many over, it still is hard for me to fully get into it. However, it ages like fine wine and is a wonderful step into the Lizzy Grant unreleased tracks (especially with the many, sometimes even better demos).

Burning Desire

It’s a messy song, with Lana’s vocals shaky and the instrumental not quite up to scratch, but this song is certainly a guilty pleasure and great for getting into the sexy mood. The car metaphors are a bit much, especially considering it’s for a car advert, but if you get past that it’s a song to add to your freaky playlist.

Money Power Glory

As powerful and dark as this song is, with incredible instrumentals and Lana at her most dynamic, I barely remember the lyrics of the verses, instead waiting for the rich choruses.

Swan Song

A gentle track that has a lot of untapped power behind it, this is a quiet stormer of a song that has a lot of heart and grace. It may be a filler track, but it is definitely better than some.

Bartender

Even more gentle is the confessional, piano-led Bartender, which is a sweet little love song stripped back much like Lana’s simple romance where she sneaks out to see her lover. The main (and probably ridiculous) thing that keeps me from falling in love with this song more – though I’m already pretty amazed by it – is the very quiet sound of feedback that comes and goes, a fuzzy noise that is very subtle but distracting enough for me.

The Next Best American Record

This song would be higher if it was Architecture – the gorgeous, well-thought stunner that wowed us all when it was leaked. The lyrics are less fractured relationship and more wishy washy, wiping away the gritty sadness that made Architecture so beloved (at least to me). Now it’s been made ‘happier’, it’s hard to tell what the song is – is Lana happy with her lover or is she sad like in the unreleased version? Is this a break up song or a celebration of the romance? What does it mean now that it is both of them that are obsessed with writing? It’s something for me to certainly explore more, but it is paled in comparison to the original.

When The World Was At War

This track grew on me, with the hidden lyrics, fun vocals and hopeful message. Lana knows how to make a song that lifts your mood and this is certainly one of them.

Guns and Roses

I used to despise this song – finding it boring and dull. However, after giving it a listen years later, it is in fact a beautiful song with a gritty feel that is perfect for Ultraviolence. It fits in perfectly with the album and the extended tracks, and though it isn’t the strongest lyrically, the vocals and dreamy feel is thrilling.

Lolita

I choose to listen to this song without the underage character – or romantic connotations of her – in mind, instead seeing this song as a grown woman trying to charm an older man. However, as I have grown older – and read (and loved) the book several times more – I feel more inclined to distance myself from this song. It’s a fun, perky pop track but it definitely feels dated.

Dance Till We Die

Lana sings of her connection to other famous female singers and her daughter’s chosen name, making this a very personal pop song that also reminds of When The World Was At War for its hopeful and ultimately positive edge. It is a little slow but incredible touching, and the bridge is so kickass you can’t help but dance along.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

This is a very sweet little song that again showcases the more positive side of Lana’s music, rather than the heartbroken and distressed women she tends to play. Though it is a filler song it’s a very pretty one and so catchy.

Wild At Heart

Wild At Heart is similar to Not All Who Wander Are Lost in that it’s a departure from a tragic femme fatale, instead a love song that also mimics Swan Song in that she considers leaving fame for her lover. What makes it even better is how Lana samples How To Disappear, a much sadder track, and twists it into something happy with this ultimately more upbeat album.

Radio

Like Diet Mountain Dew, Radio is another perky tune that is more than just a catchy filler. It’s a little bit sassy and has an edge to it (with the expletives and how her life is sweet not like sugar but cinnamon) that keeps it from being too frothy. Speaking of Lana’s newfound fame, it’s a nice break from the love ballads and tragedies peppered throughout Born To Die.

Without You

Shockingly dramatic, Without You is the ultimate symbol of Lana’s older music – a woman who could only feel happy unless her man was in her life. She has definitely moved on for the most part from wailing her demise at losing her lover but Without You is still glamorous, catchy and perfect to singalong to.

The Other Woman

This is one of Lana’s best covers – Nina Simone’s song about being the other woman and how it is in fact lonely and heart-breaking. Lana makes the song her own, her vocals stunning and lo-fi with instrumentals that are perfect for Ultraviolence.

How To Disappear

I feel that the live version of How To Disappear, where she sung it on stage before it was released with its real instrumental, is the superior version. It’s stripped back and tender enough to feel the emotion thoroughly, but the album version doesn’t disappoint. It’s one of many great tracks from (what I think is) her best album, and has a great story within it.

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Lana’s satirical, sexy and stirring Fucked My Way Up To The Top was just tongue-in-cheek enough to keep from being too much of a cliché. Perhaps based on her real experiences but definitely a fuck-you to anyone who critiques her for owning her sexuality, it’s a little bit controversial but an incredible song.

Tomorrow Never Came

This song, which is a gorgeous duet with Sean Ono Lennon and a nice nod to 20th century music, subverts expectations that it is a sad song by in fact including a happy ending. I love how it can make you cry with both sadness and happiness, and tells a sweet story that paints pictures of parks and country houses.

Yosemite

The long-awaited Yosemite didn’t disappoint, and though it took a while to grow on me it became a classic and somehow familiar track. It’s impossible to not sing or dance to it and wouldn’t be out of place in Lust For Life.

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing

It’s quite slow – the Change/24/Old Money of Norman Fucking Rockwell – but it is clearly a personal and well-thought song that references Lana’s great inspiration Sylvia Plath. Lana’s deft at getting her thoughts out in song and I think though it’s not a song I often listen to, it is beautiful.

Honeymoon

The sweeping violins, dramatic vocals and the dangerous undercurrent makes Honeymoon crackle with electricity. It’s an amazing introduction to an album that once again has dangerous men, bad girls who get hurt but are strong again and amazing instrumentals. Though it’s not the best song from the album, it sets the tone perfectly.

Million Dollar Man

Like Without You, it’s another song of complete devastation, which Lana has grown from in her music. Million Dollar Man shows some great vocals and lyrics, and gets the emotion out perfectly whilst honouring the music that inspired her.

Old Money

The verses are pretty enough but they don’t catch my attention the way the choruses do. The slow, steady song took a long time for me to really appreciate but it’s impossible not to feel some kind of emotion when Lana lets her lover know she will be with them whenever they need her.

Sad Girl

Like The Other Woman, Sad Girl shows how being the other woman has it’s downfalls but appreciates the sexy, exciting side of it – how alluring her man is and how much of a bad bitch she may be. Once again, it’s a pure Ultraviolence song that shows Lana’s vocals and music in the best way whilst showcasing the classic caricature of the femme fatale.

Dark Paradise

Strangely upbeat for such a sad song, Dark Paradise is great to dance to but also something that makes you want to cry. Lana’s vocalisations and dramatic lyrics don’t quite compare to some of her other songs but Dark Paradise is iconic.

Summertime Sadness

The slow-burn, emotional gut punch that is Summertime Sadness is always a classic and one of Lana’s best. Though it is far from my personal favourite it is absolutely an outstanding song and the perfect example of Lana’s most well-made and well-delivered songs.

Gods and Monsters

The strained Gods and Monsters is a great tale about the evil side of fame, which Lana never quite delves too deeply into but gives a metaphorical and mildly personal nod to. Gods and Monsters is one of those songs that has you singing along and feeling strong.

Carmen

Carmen is a beautiful, sad story that feels rich and luxurious despite its harrowing lyrics of an alcoholic star. The French bridge adds to the decadence and it feels like a dirty alcohol bottle wrapped in silk, from the tentative verses to the unnerving chorus.

Born To Die

One of Lana’s original pop chart tracks, this is a song that never grows old. It’s one of the blueprints of the Lana Del Rey era and deftly shows her vocals whilst setting the tone for the pessimistic, romantic star in the early 2010s.

Salvatore

Opening with laughing – or crying – Salvatore has an eerie feel to it, though it is completely erotic in feel (enough to ignore some of the simpler lyrics). It is a song that feels dreamy, much like the rest of Honeymoon, but passionate and reminding of some of her older music (from the vocals in the bridge that have a Lolita/Fucked My Way Up To The Top feel to them to the continued trope of bad boys and glamour).

Flipside

Dirty, gritty and quite contained, Flipside is a song that I wished had more attention. It’s not her most imaginative song but there’s something about it, from the gloomy guitars to the hushed vocals, that have me wanting to sing it over and over. It also is one of her great fuck-off songs, as sympathetic as it is resilient.

Doin’ Time

Lana really turns this song into her own with the summery instrumentals and the pop edge she is so good at. It’s surprisingly one of her best covers and a fresh-feeling track that isn’t bogged down by emotion or maudlin music.

Lust For Life

Breathless and oh-so-romantic, Lust For Life is one of those songs that was perfect for the charts, and a key piece in Lana’s turn into becoming more positive. However, as fun and lovely as this song is, the demos are a whole other ball game. A little more ethereal, they fit Lana much more perfectly and it’s sad she dismissed the witchy feel for a song that is brilliant but generic.

Love

One of Lana’s warmest and most refreshing songs, she looks at love with fondness and dedicates this track to her ‘kids’. She knows her fans well and to make a song that references them (much like Happiness Is A Butterfly’s nod to her ‘babies’) makes this song all the more pleasant.

The Greatest

Lana’s vocals are put to good use in this intimately-written song. She speaks her mind in her reminiscence of the past and the worries for the future, all with a storming chorus that is certainly one of her best.

Love Song

Tender and almost tentative, Love Song is one of those tracks that is romantic through-and-through. It’s stripped back enough to feel like it really is a private song for only her lover’s ears, just as confessional as Cinnamon Girl and Bartender.

White Mustang

Short but sweet, this song has all the makings of a Lana Del Rey song, harking back to the Born To Die days with her imagery and fallen love affair, but it is spiky enough to be part of her later music where she starts giving less shits. The whistling and race cars are a nice touch, displaying her play on words snugly.

Dark But Just A Game

Sort of jazzy, Dark But Just A Game is ever-shifting and never quite settles on a particular sound. It’s cohesive, however, and clearly states what Lana is thinking in a way that works with the rest of Chemtrails. It’s pretty sexy as well, which doesn’t hurt the enjoyability factor.

High By The Beach

The wooziness, the carelessness and the growth from a woman begging to be put in a movie to a woman who is able to do as she pleases. Lana stumbles and swears through the song but knows exactly what she wants – and it isn’t disappointing men or stalking paparazzi.

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Some may think it much slower and more boring than a lot of her tracks, but I think it’s a tidy, sweet track. Lana plainly states her love, urges her man to run away with her and lets her emotions (and voice) do the talking.

Summer Bummer

Lana is as restless as a hot summer in this song and it works. Her brisk-paced yet soft-voiced lyrics and gorgeous imagery gets my pulse racing, and ASAP Rocky’s verse works well for it. Though it would have been interesting to get a full, solo Summer Bummer, Rocky adds an edge to this song and compliments his ‘lover’ well.

Groupie Love

Much more flowery and wide-eyed, Groupie Love is like a contradiction. Lana’s passionate dalliance with Rocky’s god-like star opposes the relationship in Summer Bummer (uncertain) but both are just as secret. Groupie Love has the edge of being ultra-dreamy and demonstrating pure love – and lust – without the messiness.

American

It’s a filler track that has potential for much more. It’s an adorable song, almost cautious in its lead-up to the satisfying chorus, and is filled with Lana tropes galore. Following Lana’s stressed Ride and coming before the darkly sensual Cola, American is a breath of fresh air.

National Anthem

What an anthem it is. It’s simply provocative and one of her most classic tracks. Mixing love, money and fame together with a bit of sex thrown in, National Anthem is precisely what Lana’s America seems to be.

Is This Happiness?

It’s muted, mournful and resentful, questioning a relationship that Lana wants to keep but at the same time doesn’t. This is one of Lana’s best sad songs, tearful as it is still adoring beneath the exasperation.

Art Deco

Art Deco is purely dreamy, a song to bathe in. The lyrics are a little bit simple but Lana’s vocals and the flowing, aquatic music is the perfect hook.

Terrence Loves You

Lana’s jazzy song is delicate, letting only her voice and the saxophone dominate. With references to David Bowie, Lana pines for someone who hurt her badly, but she soothes herself with music the way plenty of her fans do when listening to her records.

White Dress

The vocals were a surprise at first – high, strained whispers – but they definitely grew on me. Painting a picture of young Lana loving life and dreaming of bigger things, it’s nostalgic in lyrics but also reminds of some of Lana’s old work – her unreleased tracks where she would serve coke and fries.

Chemtrails

It gets better as it goes on, growing and twisting from a song to sunbathe to into a restless, darkening track. It has the best vibe for an idealised world with something a bit off, and the imagery of pools, jewels and schools grounds Lana into a (very, very rich) normality rather than the glamorous star she always liked to portray.

13 Beaches

Opening with a quote from Carnival of Souls, Lana takes High By The Beach to the next level. She goes from sticking her middle finger up to the paparazzi to simply wishing she would be allowed to live her life without them hounding her. It’s a matured approach that uses sound interestingly, with beeps and whines adding a strange texture to the song.

Cola

The controversial line was intended as humour, but strangely it works. Even if Cola is satire like Fucked My Way Up To The Top, Lana owns the ‘other woman’, the patriotic singer, the sexy and unashamed woman who says what she thinks without caring of the consequences. It’s an iconic song, even if you have to turn the volume down to not offend.

Black Beauty

The unreleased version is ten times more emotive, with its stripped back and lonesome feel, but the album version is just as good. The ultimately loving but unhappy lyrics are full of stunning imagery, and this is a song that would have been perfect with a music video.

Body Electric

Blasphemous as much as it honours icons, Lana sinfully owns Body Electric. The bridge is a bit out of place but Lana’s eyebrow-raising approach to religion and sexuality is genius.

Off To The Races

The best demonstration of Lana’s vocals, Lana plays the glam girl without a care just as well as the Lolita-type, needy lover in this ode to money and her man. The soaring bridge is stunning, and the swirling violins add an air of Hollywood to it.

Bel Air

Completely overlooked (in my opinion), Bel Air is an apologetic song of redemption, a shining and honest track that is as touching as much as it is hazy and tranquil. With soft piano and the sound of children opening and closing the song respectively, it’s set apart from Paradise with a pureness that Lana pulls off well.

Ultraviolence

Controversial at the time and still controversial now, Ultraviolence is about being weak, about giving in to love no matter how toxic. I don’t entirely support the lyrics but it’s a stunning song, lo-fi enough to feel uneasy and haunting. When you shut off from the lyrics, you get a simply beautiful track.

Pretty When You Cry

Lana’s imperfect, close-to-tears vocals are wonderful in this song, and she really lets her emotion shine through. The pained guitar and Lana’s increasingly distressed singing are enough to get you feeling exactly as she does.

Florida Kilos

Fun. Fresh. Freeing. Lana’s ode to drugs is simply something to dance to and sing, and she somehow manages to get the sunny feeling across even with the Ulraviolence-esque grunginess. It’s one of my favourite songs of Lana’s because it’s just so happy, which is a nice departure from some of her heavier tracks.

Cherry

Many people’s favourite – Cherry. It was my favourite of Lana’s for a long time, dripping with sex appeal and sadness but with a cute dance to compliment it. It had all the right stuff wrapped up in a tidy, compact box and the imagery is lush. I still love this song but since then we’ve had the ‘Cherries’ of her next few albums, Cinnamon Girl and Tulsa Jesus Freak. Like these, Cherry was a song that seemed set apart from the rest of the album and was a novel take on her typical music.

California

Simply for It's meaningful, raw lyrics – promising to be there as soon as he wants her, much like in Old Money – California is a sun-soaked dream with a very honest approach. Lana isn’t completely devastated, or begging for her lover to return. She is sad but realistic, and only wants the best for him. It’s beautiful and sad with a crazily addictive chorus.

West Coast

The shift from fast-paced, grungey, whispered verses to sprawling, drawling choruses – complete with weirdly sexy beeps towards the end of the song – shook us all, and it’s one of Lana’s most interesting songs. Lana honours the West Coast but also her man, in love with the music scene as much as she is with him.

Shades of Cool

The snide verses. The gradually growing music. The guitars. The explosive chorus. The nuclear bridge. The absolutely perfect timing and pacing. Shades of Cool is flawless, another Sad Girl but with much more power, emotion and music.

The Blackest Day

The Blackest Day needs more attention. Cold in places, almost lost, but then wounded in the chorus, The Blackest Day rolls with the emotions and is the kind of song that makes you want to fall apart and sob. Which is good, in a way, as it shows how brilliantly Lana conveys emotion.

Freak

Cult-like and haunting, this is the sexy predecessor of California. Lana swoons and tempts in this track, from her harmonising to her pouting “take it to the back if you really wanna talk” - not to mention the rest of the song in its entirely, all elements married together to create the perfect seductive track.

Music To Watch Boys To

Like Art Deco, Music To Watch Boys To is fairly aquatic and dreamy. Like Freak, it has that cult vibe (the chanting of the bridge). However, this song is perfectly its own, from the mix-up of vocal styles to the shifting tone (sad to smug to obsessively in love).

Norman Fucking Rockwell

What an opener. Norman Fucking Rockwell lets the actual singing and lyrics do the talking, the instrumentals pushed back enough to let Lana’s gut-punching first line (“God damn, man child, you fucked me so good that I almost said I love you”) and her blue yet annoyed insults to her Norman Rockwell do the talking.

Mariner’s Apartment Complex

It’s a song for yourself and for the people you love. Lana is strong enough to take care of herself, to be her own guidance – and to take on her lover’s problems too. It’s an empowering song, so distant from a lot of her discography, and I adore the nautical references and the hopeful message.

Brooklyn Baby

Satire again, but it still works. Lana plays a (fairly cringey) and somewhat self-absorbed, over-confident singer who is too cool for her own boyfriend, but she does it well. From saying how she wished people didn’t judge her, to the freedom the seventies gives her, to the warm guitars and upbeat tone, to the backup vocals of Seth Kaufman, Brooklyn Baby is a song to remember for all the right reasons.

Ride

Ride is one of Lana’s best, if not the best. With her devotion to America and her open thoughts about needing other people to make her feel good and happy, Lana knocks it out of the park with the superb step up from Born To Die.

Video Games

Video Games is just beautiful, plain and simple. Lana’s low voice, telling a flowing story of the simplicities of true love, are removed from her ‘famous singer’ image she constantly tried to portray and instead open up to the heart of what she has always sung about: love and its many forms, good or bad.

Get Free

The new take on Ride was a pleasant surprise. From changing the lyrics to show she wants to move on and be happy to (silently) name-dropping her influences, Lana’s manifesto was a personal song that we could all resonate with. The outro of the beach was the perfect closer to Lust For Life, and Get Free summarised the album which took her from sad girl to someone who could let herself move on.

Heroin

Heroin is no doubt one of her best. It’s tense and dark, referencing Manson and (allegedly) a friend she lost years ago. Lana lets herself dive into her worst thoughts headfirst, not so much dreamy as it is nightmarish, but still comes out the other side dreaming of marzipan and ready to move on.

Tulsa Jesus Freak

The third of the ‘Cherries’, Tulsa Jesus Freak goes straight to a happy place. Where Cherry was angry and Cinnamon Girl was cautious, this track dives into being comfortable with her man. It was just as passionate as the other two songs but about religion, sex and self-satisfaction.

Blue Jeans

Plucking guitars, crying violins and Lana weaving a tale about a gangsta who left her, without explanation, and the hurt that follows. Similarly tied to Dark Paradise, Blue Jeans is the next level of that, her tough-girl spoken verses dismissed as the choruses open up and she pours her heart out.

Cruel World

Lana is on top-form on this song, furious, maddened, sad, taunting – she hits every emotion with style. Lana grows more and more unstable as the song goes on, invoking images of a woman scorned and no longer taking that shit, but she still has a fragility about her as she comes undone that is tied directly to her Ultraviolence era.

Happiness Is A Butterfly

This song goes through many stages. She is unsure, not knowing how her lover feels. She is optimistic, elated as she tries to capture the butterfly. She is dismissive, no longer caring if she might get hurt – she loves too much. She is pissed off, sick of being treated badly. She gives in, simply wanting to dance and just be happy. The flow of this song is constant, a little messy, but it has the beautiful message pinned to it: to keep trying to be happy and do what you love.

Fuck It I Love You

I love the music video version more than the album version, the latter being more stripped back. Fuck It I Love You just gives in to emotion, acknowledging Lana is hurt, her lover is hurt, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. She simply lets that feeling take over.

Cinnamon Girl

Cinnamon Girl touched me like no other Lana song has. Where Cherry was a mixture of emotions, good and bad, angry and loving, devastated and thrilled, Cinnamon Girl was about cautious optimism. Lana urges her lover to give in, and she knows – smiling as she sings it – she wins.

Venice Bitch

Venice Bitch just has that soothing, unhindered feel to it – and not just from the nine minutes of pure music and vibe. Lana dedicates this song to the kind of love that is just wholesome and homely, all whilst touching on her insanity, her ever-lasting love for America and the modern world (her live streams). It feels nostalgic yet contemporary, and adding the “fucks” and “bitch[es]” helps keep this song from being to sugary sweet but instead what it is – an honest love song rooted in the idealised and the realistic.

10 notes · View notes

lideria · 4 years

Text

Give Me a Few. | Johnny

Request: hi hi can you write smtg with johnny? like anything hhhh im soft for the man

Author’s Note: I miss school. Yes, that might be a crime but hear me out: this quarantine’s got me missing school and having crises over assignments and quizzes and tests, which is crazy to me. So, this shall be a college fic.

Warnings: A few swear words and a little anxiety. English is my second language so there might be errors + my brain is pushing a writer’s block on me but I won’t let it so there might be some complications with the flow loves I’m sorry.

Word Count: 1.752 IT’S SHORT.

Genre: Fluff, Angst if you like squint really hard, college!au, platonicfriends!au

Hope everyone who reads it enjoys!! 💚Have a lovely time, and good night for me lol

“The fuck?”

Johnny’s head bolts up at the frustrated question. He sees you hunched over the printed papers with your mechanical pencil in your hand and your phone in the other, scrunched eyebrows looking at the white surface scribbled all over with equations and formulas. The desk has eraser dust all over it, all from the past few hours of tussling with questions he thought must simply be too difficult. “That doesn’t make any sense, you sure that’s right?”

He can hear the faint “Dude yes, I used the calculator.” of your friend on the other end of the line, and sees your hand spring up to your temple, rubbing the spot as you let out a sigh. Shortly after, though, the mechanical pen comes back in contact with the paper. “Okay okay. Just guide me through that one more time please.”

Your friend cleans their throat so clearly Johnny can hear it, and with that he returns to his own share of notes. He is much more relaxed than you are since he has left his fair share of difficult examinations behind, and although he has a lot more memorizing to do still, it is whatever. Just two more to go.

It takes a few minutes for your friend to go over everything they had just told you, with you writing the formulas and equations down step by step, circling the ones you deemed important. You thank your friend for helping before hanging up.

Which is when the mechanical pencil is thrown out of your hand and onto the desk. “I’m gonna fail this final so bad,” You whine out. “Why make the course mandatory if half the faculty doesn’t even get it?” Leaned back on the chair, you rub your eyes with your fists. There is nothing more you want other than being done with the finals already and to never have to be acquainted with this course ever again— but you also have to pass it in order for that to become true.

“Should I just help?” Johnny suggests, his own studies long forgotten at that point. Not that he had been doing a particularly good job at focusing on them.

He sees you hunch back over the desk, looking at him with your hands tiredly placed on your cheeks. “Hasn’t it been like.. 2 semesters since you’ve taken this? Plus, you have a test tomorrow.”

Johnny clicks his tongue. “It’s history anyway— I couldn’t care less, it’s easy. Multiple choice.” Shutting his notebook close (which still amazes you how he can take notes by hand of a class like history where it is dominantly lecture material that matters), he stands up and instead takes a seat on the chair beside yours. “I’d rather struggle with formulas than read about every revolution there ever was.”

“Easy to say when you ace tests without studying for them.” You mumble, which makes Johnny smile. He could not protest that because it was true. He was a good listener during class, which helped him tons with assignments, which in turn helped him not forget the class material. The only type of courses that truly got to him were the ones where most things are dependent on discussions, arguments or debates where he needed to improvise. Not because he is bad at any of them, just because he is the type to take problems more subjectively rather than objectively.

Johnny tells you to take a breather for a few minutes while he tries to get what is going on in the question. You see this as an opportunity to take a few sips from your sugary drink that is supposed to get you through this night’s study session that is sure to become an all nighter considering you still have a couple of pages to work out. Then you check your phone, scrolling through your social media for a little, until Johnny’s hand lightly lands on your forearm. “I think I figured it out.”

“You did?” The question sounds more hopeful than it should have. “Mhm,” His eyes land on your phone momentarily before he continues speaking. “Let’s have dinner first, though.”

For you to agree he almost has to literally drag you outside of the study room the two of you had occupied, but he manages to bring you out by wrapping his arms around your shoulders and waddling his way out until the door closes and locks behind you. The two of you then make your way to the cafeteria just because you could not be bothered with making any food or asking for delivery.

While you eat, Johnny tells you he is almost sure you could not get the question because your brain was fried rather than being unable to do it. Although not knowing if it is true or not you are thankful that he says it, because it gives you a motivational boost.

Both because you are hungry and because you really need all the studying you can get, you hurry up eating— barely even tasting the food before you leave to get back to the study room.

When you are back both of you immediately go back to your seats, putting your phones on flight mode before abandoning them at the far end of the desk. Johnny takes your mechanical pencil and eraser, erasing your jotted answer before starting to re-read and rephrase the question for you. He writes down the answer step by step, making sure you truly understand everything and stopping when you need to get your head wrapped on some things.

And when he erases his writings so you can write the answer down, he gives you encouraging pats on your shoulder, letting his hand rest there as a reminder that he is there if you need to ask something.

At some point he places his chin on your shoulder as well to watch you. Not you writing your answer down, but you. “You’re being annoying right now.” You mumble, to which he chuckles slightly. “Am I?”

“You are,” Confirming the statement, you tap down at the desk. “Just look. I got the right answer this time.”

He does. The smile that spreads across his face soon after he does so makes you proud. “See, I told you it was only your overworked brain.”

With a roll of your eyes you thank him, before turning back to the many practice questions that awaited you. The questions start coming as a breeze for the first couple of hours as you gather help from your textbooks with your freshened mind. Johnny starts to play one of his many playlists with chill songs on it, reaching out for his phone to do it before also reaching out for his notebook and highlighters, returning to history out of the sheer fact that it would make him feel better if he studied while you were.

The music in the background provides a nice ambiance in the room, much more lighthearted and relaxed than how it has been for the whole study session so far. Johnny and you take turns leaving the room to walk around, partly to get some exercise and partly to delay the point where you would get sleepy.

The night seems to go by faster after you start studying for the second time. And surely after some time, you had to start leaving the study room not for short walks, but to wash your face in order to stay awake.

Letters slowly start to form a gibberish language in your mind, numbers becoming a jumble of weird lines and strokes. What really breaks all that you have left of wakefulness, though, is when Johnny starts softly humming to the songs on his never-ending playlist.

His voice is deep and strains when he is using such a low tone to hum to the songs, but it is still quite the attention catcher. You cannot help but start listening to him, and you certainly cannot help your hand that trails off of the practice questions. Within a few songs’ time, your eyes get droopy and your world gets droopy, too. But you honestly try to fight off the sleep.

Yet, sleep is much stronger than whatever is keeping you awake.

“I think I’m gonna take a nap,” The announcement comes as a surprise even to you, but you reach out for your bag and drag it until it is in front of you on the desk. “What’re you doing?” Johnny throws a soft yet questioning look at you even though it must be obvious what you are doing. “I’m gonna use it as a pillow.”

“Just lay your head on my arm,” He says as if it is nothing, and shrugs a little when you look at him with your own pair of questioning eyes. “My cardigan’s thick and soft enough to be comfortable for both you and me.”

You smile at him, and pull your bag full of books and binders aside. Reaching out for his left arm, you hold his hand lightly— even though he is fully capable of lifting his forearm to place it in front of you— and drag his arm to the space previously occupied by your bag. He returns to his notes, unbothered, and gets back to humming along to the songs.

When you place your head on his forearm you smile at the scent of his cardigan, the scent of the coffee he had had before you started studying still embedded into the fabric.

You shut your eyes that do not have the motivation to fight off the sweet invitation of sleep. And if anybody ever asked you, you would say you fell asleep before Johnny finished the line he was humming to.

And if anybody ever asked you, it was the one of the best (and deepest) sleeps you had; your face engulfed in him and his cardigan’s warmth, your arms closed around his forearm, hunched over the desk in a position that is surely going to ache your back— until there is a scratch at the top of your head and through your hair. “Hm?”

“An hour’s passed.” He whispers, his hand still in your hair. You draw his arm closer to you, nuzzling your face into the fabric. You were not the one with a test tomorrow, and you were surely not the one with a test tomorrow that you could ace with your eyes closed. “Gimme 15 minutes.”

You hear him laugh. “Okay, big baby.”

#nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct x reader #nct johnny #johnny #johnny imagines #johnny x reader #nct #nct 127 #mmmmm me like this one #mmmmmm this reminds me of someone i know in particular and my school #mmmmmm i'm making myself upset #yeah i also have a jaehyun fic that flopped so if you wanna check that out feel free to #mwah

64 notes · View notes

blvirz · 4 years

Text

Playlist

Here’s the playlist I put together for the anon that asked! Omg it was so hard. I have so many songs that I listen to and I barely scratched the surface. They are in no particular order except for 3 and 4.

1. Idea 709 - Jayla Darden

2. Deja Vu - Post Malone (feat. Justin Bieber)

3. Girl With the Tattoo Enter. Lewd - Miguel

4. Break From Toronto - PARTYNEXTDOOR

YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO 3 AND THEN 4 RIGHT AFTER

5. Literally anything BLACKPINK

6. Wayo - BANG YE DAM

7. Happy - Oh Wonder

8. Anything Kehlani

Can I (feat. Tory Lanez)

Bad News

Water

Personal

Change Your Life (feat. Jhené Aiko)

Hate the Club (feat. Masego)

Grieving (feat. James Blake)

F&MU

9. Chicago Freestyle - Drake (feat. Giveon)

10. Jumpman - Drake

11. All Eyes On You - Meek Mill (feat. Chris Brown & Nicki Minaj)

12. Go Crazy - Chris Brown & Young Thug

13. Naughty - King Combs (feat. Jeremih)

14. Kissin’ On My Tattoos - August Alsina

15. Drunk Texting - Chris Brown (feat. Jhené Aiko)

16. Take You Down - Chris Brown

17. Fine China - Chris Brown

18. Psycho - Red Velvet

19. Cyber Sex - Doja Cat

20. Like It - Summer Walker & 6LACK

21. Belong to You - Sabrina Claudio (feat. 6LACK)

22. Would You - Pink Sweat$

23. ghostin - Ariana Grande

24. in my head - Ariana Grande

25. December - Ariana Grande

26. breathin - Ariana Grande

27. Indigo - NIKI

28. Confirmation - Justin Bieber

29. In Check - Bryson Tiller

30. Trading Places - Usher

7 notes · View notes

clara-licht · 4 years

Note

Okay so I've heard many BTS songs but where to START? like how do I get to know of their history and all the shit fangirls (the non- toxic ones) do? The only reason I'm not a die hard KPOP fan is that I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START THERE'S SO MUCH CONTENT SNJKSJDAJD. Help me? -👀

OOF BOY WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THIS? Let me just title this one accordingly:

How to be an ARMY: a shitty guide by another ARMY

I made a short summary of my own journey on becoming an ARMY already, but I didn’t go into any details. The easiest way to start is by watching the music videos / MVs of whichever song genre you prefer.

This here is their official MV and teaser playlist on their agency’s YouTube channel. Read the title first! Their agency, BigHit, usually make their title like this: “(Name) ‘(Title)’ Official MV / Teaser / Comeback Trailer”. In this playlist, there are also RM, J-Hope, and Agust D. They’re all BTS rappers and the ones with their names instead of BTS are their solo works.

Aside from that one, there’s also this playlist from 1theK channel that may have some MVs that aren’t already on BigHit’s. This is because 1theK is kinda like an open market for K-Pop videos, I suppose? Before they have big names and big followings, K-Pop agencies make agreements with other big parties like 1theK to upload their artist’s music. This way they can reach wider audience. BigHit has ended their contract with 1theK, though. BTS’ name is already really big, anyway.

Personally, I started with Dope (as I said in my Journey answer) because the choreography is fun to watch.

Next! What about after? Well, it kinda depends? Are you already interested in them? Or do you need some more ‘convincing’? Either way, I suggest watching videos of them! There are tons of official and unofficial videos of them. Interviews, behind the scenes, compilations, performances, etc. Maybe watch their live performances of the songs you already heard. There are a lot of Korean music shows where Korean artists would perform during promotion, like Music Bank, Inkigayo, M!Countdown, and many others. For each performance day, there are usually interviews and behind the scenes too! They’re always so precious in those ones.

Korean music show’s a bit confusing? There are also English interviews for BTS. Maybe Buzzfeed Puppy Interview, BBMAs red/magenta carpet, James Corden and Carpool Karaoke, Jimmy Fallon, your pick! I personally prefer their Korean interviews, though. BTS are, after all, Koreans. They’re the most comfortable with their own language. Ask in a Box is a fun one. Just search for “BTS interview” (although this most likely will result in English-speaking ones).

NOW THEN! You got their music, their performances, and their interviews. Here comes the fun part: Bangtan Bomb, Episodes, Run! BTS, and Bangtan Gayo!. BTS has a YouTube channel called BANGTANTV where you can watch basically anything they did.

Bangtan Bomb is the name for their antics videos, be it during photoshoots, filming, or maybe just on waiting room. There’s one where the 3 youngest members played hide and seek. It was hilarious. Episodes is behind the scenes of their Music Videos and performances. Aside from these 2, BANGTANTV also has member’s logs and live streams.

Then we also have BTS Run! and Bangtan Gayo!. Run! is BTS’ variety show where they do various missions. There are over 100 episodes now. Gayo! is also some type of variety show, but they “learn about Korean music” instead of random missions. My favorite Run! episodes are the one where Suga / Yoongi had to be a ‘priest’, the one with Min Yoonji the pretty and sassy girl, the ones with dogs, and every time they have to cook. Run and Gayo are only available on V App, though. Although you can open the web version.

After you watch and listen to a lot of them, you’ll have to decide. Do you like them? Do they interest you? If you do, go and start following them on their social medias, especially Twitter. They’re really active there. Follow fellow ARMYs. Follow accounts that focus on BTS updates.

This is a long post, but this barely scratch the surface of “becoming an ARMY”. Feel free to ask me anything about whatever you want to know, BTS-related!

TL;DR: watch their videos, both official and non-official!

#👀 anon #answered #BTS #ARMY #Kim Namjoon #Kim Seokin #Min Yoongi #Jung Hoseok #Park Jimin #Kim Taehyung #Jeon Jungkook #RM #Jin #Suga #J-Hope #Jimin #V #Jungkook #BigHit #my army story

7 notes · View notes

batnsons · 5 years

Text

tagged by @12percentplan!!

Rules: We’re snooping on your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle, and list the first ten songs, then choose ten victims!

Okay only ten?? I have over 5k songs saved so like... this is barely gonna scratch the surface lol

Always by Owl City (this song is so so special to me)

Break the Spell by Daughtry (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BREAK THIS SPELL YOU GOT ME UNDER; I’M SO ADDICTED TO THE PAIN)

This is How We Roll by Florida Georgia Line (yep. you read that right)

Look At You by Seth Ennis (dude his VOICE. SO SMOOTH!!)

Butterfly by BTS (such a breathtaking korean pop ballad)

Hold Her by For KING & COUNTRY (owwwww)

My Love, My Kiss, My Heart by Super Junior (IT’S SO OVERDRAMATIC I LOVE IT. THE VOCALS. THE MUSIC. UGH)

If I Lose Myself by OneRepublic (the greatest band. the best songwriters. THE BEST MUSICIANS!)

MY BEAUTIFUL by NU’EST W (more kpop. so much kpop you guys)

Kiss and Make Up by Dua Lipa ft. Blackpink (DUDE. SO MANY POWERFUL FEMALE VOCALISTS. SUCH A BOP)

Yeah. Wide variety. I have so many other genres not advertised. Classical, soundtrack, swing, jazz, edm, rap, etc. Hmm tagging anyone who wants to do it I guess??

#about me #my music #music #tag games

3 notes · View notes

lilibug--xx · 5 years

Text

the skyline in my veins

a late posting for mileven week → day seven: in the rain

this is actually inspired by a post from @eleven-n-mike that moved me enough to write a little bit about it.

thank you to @stark for being my sounding board and beta for this lovely little thing.

also! a playlist (not necessarily best reading music, but what I listened to while writing that gave me good 80s or mileven vibes): animal kingdom - chaos emeralds / eighteen - dive in / everything’s a dream - rosa / arrow - levv / lovers - anna of the north

. . .

. .

On November 7th she wakes to find it raining in sheets, sky bleak and grey.

There are droplets on the windowsill of the old log cabin, cracked and peeling paint that was once supposed to be a shade of white. El runs her finger through them, catching the water and remembering all the times when particularly hard torrent would come pouring in. A fond smile graced her lips, eyes finding the line of trees that circles the house.

The branches sway, dancing in the swirling wind and she remembers how they felt against her skin so many years ago. Feet bare in the soil, turning to soupy mud beneath her toes as she ran fast and hard. Her lungs burning with the breath of cold air, wet leaves and branches slapping her arms, bushes scratching against her legs in the brush of the forest.

There’s knocking on her bedroom door that pulls her from the memory just as quickly as it sucked her in.

The simple, comforting raps against the wood (two one three), have her pulling back from the where she’d been pressing her forehead against the cool glass pane.

“Yes?” El clears her throat, touching the base of her neck before tucking hair behind her ear. It’s frizzy under her finger tips and her eyes roll back to the window before the door opens with a squeak of it’s tired hinges.

Hopper inches through frame, leaning against the knob. “Raining pretty hard out there.” He takes a sip from his mug, but it doesn’t hide his frown or the crease between his brows.

It’s rained more than not in the past week, today is no different than any other.

Except that it is.

“It’s still early,” she offers with a shrug of her shoulder.

He doesn’t say anything right away, just looks around her room before landing on the small vanity where only a couple products are spread across the surface. “You doin’ that yourself?”

With a nod, she folds herself into the small chair and stares at her reflection. It’s changed since the last time she looked through this mirror, smudged with time and age, and another life lived well before hers.

“Joyce is coming to help with my hair.”

His head bobs up and down, lips smacking together after taking a gulp of his coffee. “Of course. She might have mentioned that.” He runs his hand through the wisps of hair that seem to grow more sparse every year and then he smiles that wide, crinkly smile of his. “Think she’ll do mine?”

It nearly cracks her face in two, laughter bubbling in her chest that feels so welcome. “Maybe if you ask nicely,” she teases.

He walks further into the room, just to ruffle her hair.

She paws at his arm, shoving his heavy palm from her head — he gives her another pat. “I’m not so far removed from knowing what it’s like. To have no hair.”

His eyebrows lift. “You call ten years not long ago?”

El looks up at him through the mirror before picking up the pale pink brush in front of her. “It feels like yesterday.” Her fingers pluck at the bristles before she draws it through the length of her hair, scalp to sternum.

The time has seemed to pass in a whirlwind when she looks back at it, though in the moment it felt endless. She supposes it will always be like that, or so she hopes. Today is a day that will pass just as quickly.

He watches her brush the barely there waves indented in her hair. “It certainly feels like a lifetime to me. I’ve gotten enough grey hair to prove it.”

Her eyes roll, shoo-ing him with her hand. “Enough of you, old man. Let me get ready in peace. I have to make myself presentable.”

“You’re perfect just like this, Ellie bear.”

Her heart sings with familiarity, longing for the nickname that was always just hers.“Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad, but — I have to do something.”

“I reckon Mike would agree with me, you know.”

“Well, I reckon Mike would say that even if I was covered in… in boils or something.” Her nose scrunches up and she shakes her head. “Minimal at best, something all the same.”

“Well, just be mindful of the rain. I’m not sure it’s going to stop.”

There is a long pause as she opens the containers of eyeshadow, pumps the tube of mascara.

“You sure this isn’t going to upset things?”

The question is double sided.

She thinks about the chairs they lined up in front of the weeping willow, just off the big curve on Mirkwood. And of the trunk of the tree that so long ago Mike had sloppily carved their initials into with the knife he’d taken from Jonathan’s desk. Of the caterer that Karen and Ted splurged on. Of the whispered words of promise that left both their lips that they would echo today. Of their friends.

She shakes her head. “It’ll be perfect.”

He doesn’t look as confident as her, wary as he turns toward the window. “If you say so. I’ll leave you to it. Joyce is comin’ down shortly. Said she’d be here by noon.”

“With the dress?”

He nods. “With the dress.”

“Perfect.”

Her smile is infectious and he returns it back to her before pulling the door shut on the way out.

Focusing on the mirror, she applies her makeup in light strokes. In hindsight, she doesn’t really expect it to last all day.

Rubbing under her nose unconsciously, she hears the plunk of the objects in the room settling back into place. Closing her eyes, the blackness fills the cracks and pores where her anxiety bleeds. Taking a breath, she opens her eyes and tosses her hair over her shoulders then takes her time with the brushes that still feel foreign in her hand. The sound of the rain calming the itch in her fingers and the buzz of her skin.

When the door opens sometime later, it’s a wonder she has finished anything at all. Mind so far away when all she wants to be with—

“El, sweetie?”

Joyce is hesitantly coming through the door, arms full with a garment bag and a case of hair rollers. Her own face done up in exactly the way El has always admired. Simple and elegant, a rare thing, but always a joy.

She giggles to herself, lips curving into a smile as she stands to welcome Joyce with a sideways hug. “You look really pretty.” Her finger twists around a curl hanging over the woman’s shoulder, before accepting the bag with the dress zipped inside. Fingers curling around the blue and white gingham seersucker, she turns to lay it across the single bed tucked into the corner of the room.

“Thank you, but you’re the pretty little thing today,” Joyce says somewhat bashfully, waving her off and setting the case of curlers onto the vanity. “Now, let’s get your hair set up.”

El abandons the dress with a forlorn look and slides back into the chair that creaks in mild protest.

“Are you ready for today?”

She watches Joyce unzip the clear plastic, removing a variety of rollers, clips, and a hair dryer. Her nails tap against her leg, smooth where she’d scrubbed and shaved that morning in the bath.

“Yes.”

A comforting smile reflects back at her, and it calms the fluttering storm of butterflies that she had seemingly swallowed.

“I think it’ll be really great. I just hope everyone brings their umbrellas.”

“They might need a boat, too.”

Joyce squeezes her shoulder before running a couple fingers through El’s hair as she sprays some water to wet the strands. “So do you want it all pulled back? All the curl will fall out anyway, but it might hold better.”

“Oh, well — I’d really like it mostly down. I don’t care about the rain.”

“You’re sure? Are you going to hold an umbrella?”

“I don’t think so.”

There a soft frown on Joyce’s face that she wants nothing more than to erase.

“I’ll be fine. I promise. Just maybe — some strands from the front pulled back into a braided bun? Then the rest curled?” She pleads, chewing on her lip and already smearing the sticky gloss spread over them.

“Well — alright. If you’re really sure?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, let’s get to work then.” She smiles again, looking down at El as she begins again on her hair.

They roll her damp hair into the neon-orange curlers and it reminds her of all the times that they did this for school dances, year after year. Each one the test for something new that Mike would always be wowed by, as if he wouldn’t be if she just wore it like every other day.

The thought has her squeezing her eyes shut, wondering what Mike was doing. If he was being nagged by Karen about taking a thousand pictures before anything even began or busy tying the bow tie she’d sewn by hand or the more probable situation — Ted tying the bowtie and Mike whining about it.

The hot blast of air from the hair dryer as it waved back and forth over her head has her opening her eyes, Joyce’s soft humming of a familiar tune barely hitting her ears. But she recognizes the notes, heart clenching at the sound and filling with warmth that spreads out to her toes.

They’ll dance to it later, her and Mike. She looks forward to twirling around in the school gymnasium one more time with their song playing overhead. It might be a little cheesy, but they were nothing if not romantic. Their friends certainly had a slew of names for it — though in jest. Mostly.

When her hair is dry and finger combed through, Joyce picks apart the strands to braid a few backwards for a dainty bun secured with bobby pins that shimmer at the ends. It looks elegant without being too formal which is exactly what she wanted.

El touches the base of her throat, where the little silver key rests just below her fingers and she runs her nail across the chain. “Thank you,” she says softly, too quiet. Turning to look up at her step mother, she reaches out to grab her ever busy hands — the nervous shake never quite hidden. “Thank you, Joyce. For this — the dress — for everything.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” she coos, lips pursing together before she shakes her head. “It’s my pleasure. When I was younger I always wanted a daughter — and I got the best one.”

El all but leaps from the chair, curling her arms around Joyce’s waist in a hug as she slots her chin into the crook of her neck. There are a million words stuck in her throat, not quite sure what else to say or how to say it. It’s something she still struggles with, to articulate the mess of feelings that fills her veins with each shade of the rainbow. So she breathes in. The scent of Rave clinging to Joyce’s curls making her a little dizzy as she squeezes her arms just a little tighter. “I love you.”

Joyce rubs across her back, soothingly, and it does wonders in getting her to relax. “I know. I know you do, and I love you, too. Your dad and I are so proud of you. You know that?” She pulls back to tilt El’s chin up and pat her cheek. “You and Mike are going to do great in Chicago.”

“Thanks,” she says, trying not to let her voice crack, arms folding around her middle while shuffling over to the bed. It’s a wonder she won’t have to redo her makeup, but she supposes that rivers run dry and so tear ducts.

“I’m going to go see if your dad needs any help.”

The sound of tip-taps against the hardwood as Joyce exits, and closes the door has her chewing on her lip. The strawberry lip gloss hits her tongue, but she doesn’t stop.

It’s always been scary. The future.

She spent her life, even this day, wondering if today was going to be the day that something or someone was going to come for her. To take everything away. To take her away.

Then, there was the matter of careers and normal lives, and growing older by the second. Long, tortuous years of school finished and jobs to be started. In different states and some, far far away from everything they’ve ever known.

El keeps those difficult thoughts in the back of her head, turning them over and over like a roasting marshmallow, clinging to ash that threatens to fall. She can smell the flame and fire, the salt and blood, and swipes her fingers under her nose as her mind suddenly begins to ache and scream as her limbs feel prickly and numb.

She freezes for a moment, listening to the rain and her parents in the next room fussing over each other. There is nothing else. No click of a gun, roll of big black tires, or unfamiliar footsteps.

Her stomach leaps to her throat, hair raising along her arms and neck as she dives for the bottom drawer of the nightstand. She yanks it open and finds the supercom resting atop a stack of notebooks, right where she left it.

Fumbling with the knobs, she clicks it on with hope that there is still some life left in it.

Immediately, there is a broken, crackly, “El?” that filters through and does little to settle her.

“Mike? Mike, is everything okay?”

She waits for a moment, sinking down to the floor and sitting with her back against the bed. There is a trepidation in her fingers as the com waves flutter.

“Yeah.”

Is his reply and she wants to believe it, but needs more than that. Always more than that.

“Everything’s fine, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Her eyes slip closed and she shakes her head. “I was scared, Mike. I got this really weird feeling.”

He audibly sighs and she can practically see him running a hand through his unruly hair.

She could close her eyes, concentrate, and take a peek if she really wanted. But there was a reason they were apart the last day.

“Sorry. I’ve been trying to get you on the comm for, like, 30 minutes. Forgot to tell you to turn it on yesterday morning.”

There’s a quietness for a moment as she lets herself calm back down. Because everything is okay. Mike is okay.

“Why didn’t you just… call? On the phone?” She raps her nails against her knee, fingers circling the bruise on the inside.

“Well, yeah, I guess I could have. But… this was cooler.”

El rolls her eyes, leaning her head back against the bed. “Mike.”

“Hey! It’s like old times, you know? When we would talk all night and then my mom would throw a fit when I kept asking for more batteries.”

She can imagine Karen’s face exactly, with that little scrunch between her eyebrows that she’s always trying to fix with creams and serums.

“She totally knew you weren’t sleeping at night.”

“Trust me, that’s the better version,” he pauses for a moment. “Do you think that she knows I started sneaking out and going over to your house instead?”

Something inside her twists in excitement, at the memory of the thrill of turning the lock with a tilt of her head and sneaking his tall frame through her small window. She’s smiling. “I really hope not. But she never said anything or tried to stop you. So who knows.”

There’s a quietness that crackles over the static in the channel.

“I love you,” Mike says softly, like he’s whispering into the com. “I missed you last night. Couldn’t sleep.”

Her head drops back against the single mattress behind her and she nods in agreement. “Me either. I didn’t think it would be so hard.”

“Yeah, I didn’t really think I’d miss your snoring, but I did.”

El picks her head up, glaring down at the com in her hands, hoping that he can feel it through the distance between them. She pressed down on the trigger harder than necessary. “I do not snore.”

His laughter is a throaty chuckle and it sends shivers down her spine. She aches to run her hands through the curls in his hair, softer than her own, and play connect the dots within the freckles that cover his skin. She crosses her ankles over one another, picking at the hem of her shorts. The clock on her nightstand ticks down to the next hour — to when they’ll see each other again.

“Just kidding. Maybe.”

She bristles, wondering if she really does snore.

“So… are you ready?” he asks when she doesn’t say anything else.

Turning in her spot, she runs her nail across the fabric bows of the garment bag, old and time-faded. “Not all the way.”

“What are you wearing right now?”

She imagines the way his cheeks are probably dusted with pink, realizing just how that sounds and she holds in her laughter.

“Pajamas.”

“It’s almost time, you know.”

“Yes.” Her fingers tugging on the zipper of the bag until it reveals the cream lace hidden within. It’s soft under her touch. She hears rustling through the com, hears his soft breath and wonders if he’s just laid down on the bed. “Joyce’s dress is going to get wet.”

“Your dress is going to get wet.”

It’s a gift, one that her real mother wasn’t able to pass to her, but one that Joyce was more than happy to.

She slides the dress from the bag and spreads it across the bed. “It’s really pretty, Mike. Too pretty.”

“Nothing’s too pretty for you,” he says without a beat. “Don’t worry about the rain.”

El hums, hanging up the bag on the back of the door and then turning the dress over to reveal the back and the fabric buttons hidden in the lace. She picks up the com beside the dress, turns her back to it and looks back out the window. “I’m not worried. It’s good luck, you know? To be married in the rain.”

He seems surprised. “Really? Are you sure it’s not some terrible superstition that we’re doomed to be down on our luck for eternity and we have to live, like, with our parents or who knows — maybe with Jonathan, Nancy, and Steve, oh god that would be terrible — and we’re forced to endure some—”

“Mike.”

“—weird body horror nightmares or something straight out of a conspiracy theory—”

She thinks for moment, that they have already done that. Thrice, in fact.

“Mike.”

His ramblings quiet on the other end and she feels him close his eyes and breathe, as if he were right next to her.

“It’s almost exactly like the day we met.” She offers, the most prominent part of today — of their future — no matter what it held, would be exactly how they started.

Of course, she’s a little bit scared about everything changing so vastly, from their location to when and how often they would get to see their friends. But, there’s part of her that’s excited for new opportunities and experiences as well. And she’s excited that she gets to navigate these fresh waters with Mike. They have a lot of firsts together and more is always appealing.

“Well, not exactly the same. Hopefully. Because, I’m not sure I can go through Will disappearing again.” The line quiets and then he sounds a little bit faraway, “Will? ….Will!”

Her nose scrunches up in laughter, hearing the muffled voice of their friend, her step-brother, in the background. “Found him?”

“Yeah. Gotta keep an eye on that one, for sure. Whew. Crisis avoided.” She can hear his grin.

The clock edges closer to 4pm, ticking down the seconds until they’re together again. She’s nervous, despite the calmness that the rain washes her in.

“So…”

“So,” he echoes.

El fidgets with buttons on the dress, popping them open one by one down the back. “I have to get dressed.”

“By all means, go ahead.”

She clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and sets the com down on the bed, but not before asking, cheekily, “What are you wearing, over there?” and then chucks her sleep shorts and t-shirt atop her overnight bag.

There’s a lacy set of antique lace undergarments that she might have spent a sizeable amount of money on under the influence of Max, that makes its way onto her person.

“Oh, I’ve been ready for a while. It’s going to be a miracle if I don’t sweat through my suit jacket. And this bowtie — El, I love it, I do, but — it’s, like, suffocating me.”

She steps into the dress and brings the lace sleeves up about her arms. Her ankles stare up at her, and she wiggles her toes against the floorboards as she presses the com. “You’ll be fine. It’s only for a little while.”

The row of buttons going up the back have to wait for another set of hands, but she admires the view in the mirror anyway. It’s not often that she finds herself feeling particularly confident in her appearance, but today is a good day.

Mike loves her always, but he will really love this.

He has a thing for texture and the dress has a multitude. Silk, or maybe chiffon, with lace overtop that encompasses her shoulders and makes up the train. Then there’s velvet that cinches the dress in an empire waist, with pearls sewn into band.

She almost groans at the amount of PDA that will surely arise, but screw everyone else; it’stheir day.

“I’ll see you soon,” she whispers into the com.

“Promise?”

“Yes. I promise.”

“O-kay. I love you, over and out.” He sounds like his knee is bouncing up and down a mile a minute.

“I love you, too, Mike. Over and out.”

She flips the switch on the com and places it back in the drawer, sliding it closed to rest for however long until the next time they needed them. It was few and far between now.

Stepping into the low heels, it elevates her frame a couple of inches and she trots over to the doorway after pulling her necklace out to lay overtop the dress.

When she opens the door, the stillness of a hurried conversation dying has her skin buzzing. “Dad? Could you button me up?”

The next five minutes pull more emotion from Hopper than she’s seen in a while. The look on his face as he tries not to cry have her tear ducts suddenly working overtime. Who ever said that weddings were happy? It seemed like people cried more than anything.

He hugs her for a long time, her head tucked into his chest and the smell of a rented tux along with the smell of smoke have her sighing.

“Come on, kid, let’s get you hitched. It’s about damn time.” He almost ruffles her hair until Joyce smacks him on the arm.

Despite the rain, the clouds have brightened and there are bits of sunshine peeking through. They pile out onto the porch, hurrying to the cars between the raindrops.

The old blazer looks past its prime next to Joyce’s new bonneville, shiny and new. She looks right at home as she pulls onto the road.

El slides into the front seat of the cruiser, clips the seat belt buckle across her lap and turns her head to the side as Hopper turns the ignition.

It isn’t a very far drive, but she admires it through the droplet covered window; scenery unfolding in breathtaking beauty through the steady drizzle. Splashes of marigold and dots of tangerine within the fading greens, wine splashed across the skyline as the sun begins to dip far sooner than she ever likes.

Then the car is stopping and her heart rate speeds up.

“Ready?” Hopper raises his eyebrows.

“Definitely.” She slides her feet from her heels, and pulls the door handle to step out into the wet grass with bare toes.

There’s a small incline to hike up and she lifts the hem of her dress, hoping that she isn’t soiling it beyond the point of a dry cleaning. But as she digs her toes into the ground, chilly and wet, she lets the fabric fall down and hooks an arm around Hopper’s elbow.

With a bouquet of aster and chrysanthemums, El walks toward Mike.

He’s already crying. Rubbing the back of his hand under his eye as their friends flank either side of the tree, waiting for her.

A droplet of rain (or is that a tear?) slides down to the tip of her nose as she smiles.

Hopper kisses her forehead sweetly and places her hand in Mike’s slightly damp palm.

She squeezes him. “Hi.”

His shoulders relax the second she touched him, slumping forward to hide his height and then he’s sloping down to kiss her cheek, ignoring a huff from the minister.

“Hi, yourself. You look… really, really beautiful.”

El beams then makes a little humming sound under her breath. “Look who’s talking.” She has the urge to reach up and tweak his bowtie sitting crooked at his neck, but let’s it slide. The dinosaur print seems to wink at her, though it makes her fingers ache in painstaking remembrance.

They can’t quite stop staring at each other, which isn’t so different than normal. But today feels just like the first day they met, goosebumps rising along her skin as she blinks through the raindrops and stares up at him.

The view might have changed a bit, but it feels familiar and right. Their love for each other is interlaced between every moment and it steals her breath to think of beginning her new life with Mike in the rain, just like all those years ago.

#mileven #milevenweek2018 #mike wheeler #el hopper #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #mileven fanfiction #jane hopper #eleven x mike #mike wheeler x eleven #michael wheeler #just a cute little oneshot #older mileven #lilibugcreates

51 notes · View notes

finalgwen · 5 years

Photo

I’ve made so many priceless memories thanks to Bat Out Of Hell, and this picture set barely scratches the surface of the amazing times this show has given me. It seems strange to say it about a musical, but it really has saved my life in so many ways, pulling me away when I’m starting to fall, giving me somewhere to escape and let the drummer tell my heart what to do, and letting me find the wonderful people that make up our own pack, our own version of The Lost. I’m going to ramble on for a while now about my journey with Bat and how much it’s meant to me.

I first saw the show on the 20th February 2017 in Manchester, three days after its debut. From the moment Andrew Polec walked to the center of the stage, jumped, and issued that roar of “I REMEMBER EVERYTHING” I was hooked for life. Here was the music of my teens being brought to life on the stage, but so much bigger, so much madder, so much queerer than I ever could have imagined. I sat there in absolute awe at Danielle Steers’ voice, almost like a religious experience. I marvelled as Christina Bennington took to the skies and kept singing. I cried as Aran MacRae brought Tink to his inevitable end. My eyes bounced back and forth across the stage watching the amazing ensemble bring Emma Portner’s choreography to life, in all its gender-norm-smashing glory, The Lost going through triumph and despair, and supporting each other through both.

That was the only time I saw it in Manchester, being a bit harder to organise trips around work and income, but then the adverts started appearing all around, on buses and posters in my local train station, and all across London, emblazoned in Euston Station wherever you looked. I began to find friends online, Angie, Moco, Maize, and the denizens of the Bat Clan and Rockman Philharmonic groups on Facebook who have been such a wonderful community through this whole journey. For the first time people would actually understand the weird references I’d make, and unfortunately for everyone who knows me now I’ve just got worse as a result. :P

In this interval, I also wrote my first Bat Out Of Hell fanfiction, a backstory for Tink that somehow found its way to Aran, who not only shared it on his Twitter with generous praise, but also sent me his playlist of songs he used to get into character. I’ll forever be grateful to him for this, it was such a boost after having been stuck with writing block for so long and being uncertain about my writing, and since then I’ve written a bunch of fanfic and have begun to find my voice once again, albeit heavily influenced by the world of Bat and the lyrics of Jim Steinman.

The first London run was a delight, and I ventured to stagedoor for the first time in my life, and discovered it was nowhere near as scary as I might have thought. I got to tell the people in the show how much it meant to me, to take selfies with my heroes, and every time I saw Aran he’d give me a hug. I got to show my friends what this show was like, from my Disney crew to Joe, the one who got me hooked with “The Future Just Ain’t What It Used To Be” and led me down the rabbit hole that is the Jim Steinman oeuvre. Witnessing the cast sing It Just Won’t Quit from the second row with him just felt right. I’m glad we got there before it was cut from the show to my befuddlement! I made it to a total of 9 shows at the Dominion, bringing me to 10 overall at that point.

The final show of the Coliseum run was bittersweet, but made better by the announcement at the end (well, spoiled on the website just before the show, but still good) that the show would return in 2018. We eagerly watched on as Canadian audiences got to fall in love the same way we did, and soon it was back again with most of this amazing cast intact. Some people didn’t return for the next production, including Dom Hartley Harris, the original Jagwire, and my eternal fave Aran. But they’ve gone on to bigger things, from Hamilton to Rent, and I was lucky enough to see the latter twice as a result!

I’ve been to the Dominion 23 times to see Bat. Each and every time was a joy, introducing friends to it and seeing them get as hooked as I am, getting the chance to see so many different versions of the show with different covers taking the reins. I think I’ve had the chance to see every Strat, Sloane, Falco, Zahara, Blake, Jagwire, and Ledoux it had to offer. (Kyle Roberts as Tink and Eve Norris as Raven are the only ones that escaped that I can think of.) It’s at this point where I’ll go on a tangent to talk about one in particular. I’m very lucky to have had the chance to see Emily Benjamin as Zahara. I remember sitting in the break room at work, seeing the news, and frantically trying to book a front row seat after waiting so long to see her in the role. She’s one of my favourite people in the show, one of the first cast members who’d thought out their own backstory that I knew of, which was a gift for latching onto with fanfic. She’s an amazing singer and dancer and also came up with the coolest aesthetic for her character Mordema. I’ve had such fun trying to replicate her makeup and wearing variations of it to Pride, and she’s always been so lovely and encouraging and a delight to meet. If she’s not in a major role in a West End show soon then there’s something wrong with the world, because she deserves it.

In general though this cast are all so deserving. I said from my first review of the Manchester show that top to bottom, it was the most talented cast I’d ever seen, and it remains true to this day. Pretty much every recasting they’ve had to do has led to us discovering brand new and brilliant actors. When Andrew Polec moved on from the role of Strat, who would have guessed that Jordan Luke Gage would be able to make the transition so seamless with that unique brand of manic energy that makes the role so much fun? Alex Thomas Smith, Wayne Robinson, Barney Wilkinson, and so many others who have joined the production in this most recent run, have done such an amazing job at making the roles their own.

One of the lovely things about seeing Bat is that there’s always something magic and always something new. There are little moments going on all over the stage that you might miss if your eyes aren’t dancing around with as much fervour as Portner’s own dances. There are tons of little character interactions that give the world more depth, from Jagwire and Liberame looking over at Zahara during one of the opening scenes, to Scherzzo’s courtship of Sloane, to Ledoux heartbreakingly trying to coax Tink into singing along to Rock And Roll Dreams. Some of the best dance moves in the show happen in the background during Paradise By The Dashboard Light when 90% of the audience will be glued to Sharon Sexton and Rob Fowler (with good reason). I could ramble for days about how many things I’ve noticed in my last few shows alone!

I sense I’m rambling already, so I want to finish by thanking the group that’s come together since about July, some of us finding it through Tumblr. Some of my closest friends in the world – and we’re scattered all over it – are ones I’ve met through this show. And to my delight most of us got to see it together this December. I got the chance to go to Germany to see that equally marvellous production with them, and then we came on the 29th to see the show that brought us all together. I sat in front row in my Mordema costume and saw one of my idols point at me from the stage. We got selfies at stagedoor with the cast, all of whom seemed equally excited to see us. We went back to our airbnb and drank and laughed for one magical, magical night. Even with the show going away, we’re a family now, and they’ve helped me through more than I can ever say, in the darkest of times, and I’m not letting them go any time soon.

So here we are and it’s the last night of the show. Who knows when it’ll be back and what form it’ll take? The German version is going strong, and they’ve announced Australia, South Korea and Japan to follow. The US tour is still in a state of limbo but will hopefully be going ahead with a few of its planned destinations. But for most of the cast and crew that started this whole journey in the Manchester Opera House, like a bat out of hell they’ll be gone when the morning comes. But they’ll never be forgotten.

To anyone involved in this show, the beat is yours forever. Thanks for making our rock and roll dreams come through.

#Bat Out Of Hell #Bat Out Of Hell: The Musical #Personal

3 notes · View notes

writtenverbiage · 2 years

Text

Yes, this is another rant

Everytime I listen to Brazilian songs it really gets to me that almost no one outside our country actually knows and understands our songs and, honestly, that's a damn shame.

We have such good artists and art! Most of them have layers and layers of meaning and history woven in them, I could spend hours just debating the contextualization of so many of my favorites. And yet, it's so hard to make an outsider understand the true weight and genius of it. It pisses me off a little.

And like, I'm not even up to date with the most current artists because I migrated almost ten years ago. So I'm pretty sure I'm missing out on A LOT of good stuff, even when I try to keep up. And even then, even with my knowledge being mostly centered around classics and artists that are known country-wide or just in my native region there's just... so much good music. So much.

I made a playlist to try and show the basics to someone on Twitter and came up with 324 songs. Taking just from my favorites on Spotify (and I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting a ton). I barely scratched the surface.

Anyway, if you don't know Brazilian music (besides Garota de Ipanema and generic samba) I'm very sorry for you, and I would gladly point out to my playlist if you'd like. Or just ask a Brazilian next to you. We're everywhere anyway, there's at least one nearby. I guarantee lol

#music #rant #brazilian music #i miss home

1 note · View note

swimintothesound · 6 years

Text

A Grand Celebration: Musical Serendipity, Distant Memories, and the Preciousness of Tradition. Words on Sufjan Stevens’ Michigan

There are 48,193 songs in my iTunes library right now. That’s 5,139 albums, 336 gigabytes, and a little over 160 days worth of music. Amongst this staggering (and seemingly-unwieldy) amount of audio lies my most cherished playlist: a 20-hour-long mix creatively titled “December.”

“December” stands alone as a personal treasure, my crown jewel, and the flame that single-handedly ignites my holiday cheer. Grown and cultivated over the course of multiple years, the playlist is a wide-ranging mishmash of various Christmas albums, years-old podcasts, and even some “normal” music that I’ve simply come to associate with the holiday season after multiple years of repeated seasonal listening. My “December” playlist is a testament to curated obsession, self-enforced tradition, and the beauty of the Holiday season. It’s my Christmas spirit encased in a cold, unfeeling .xml file.

The cosmic joke is that, as much as I care for this playlist and the songs contained within it, it’s just that: a collection of random songs. Nobody aside from me would ascribe any particular value to the ordering of these tracks, but I guess that sense of uniqueness is what makes playlists such a sacred musical concept. The other thing that makes playlists so wonderful is their inherent sense of surprise and randomness: the feeling of discovery that comes with stumbling upon a great mix, or the inspiration a single song can carry that inspires you to create one of your own.

Listening to “December” has become a holiday tradition of my own, and as special as the playlist is to me, the entire thing was started by accident. Inspired by a single group of songs and a random iTunes shuffle, this seasonal institution has now ballooned beyond my control and only gotten bigger each year. This is the story of the inception of this playlist, spurred by an album that has severely impacted me and whose sentimentality has become a foundation of my personality.

Discovery

Back in high school music was my escape… not that I had anything to escape from, but music was (and still is) my reality. My one truth. Every morning as I prepared for the day I would let iTunes run through a never-ending shuffle playlist of my music library. They were my last minutes of absorption. My final escape into the realm of sound before venturing out into the world. It was a ceremony that I relished and grew to hold dear over the years.

One cold November morning six years ago, The Shuffle Gods placed a Sufjan Stevens song at the top of the queue. Back then Sufjan was a curiosity; an artist that I’d heard about and always meant to get into, but perpetually found himself on my musical “to-do” list. Thanks to an overly-eager friend, his discography had been sitting on my hard drive, in full, for around a year at that point. In a way, I suppose seeing the full breadth of his work only made diving into his music that much more daunting.

On this fateful day, iTunes DJ (rest in peace) decided that it was finally time for me to hear a Sufjan track and “Oh God, Where Are You Now? (In Pickeral Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)” began playing. It was divine intervention. It was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment, and I became transfixed. “Oh God, Where Are You Now” immediately drew me in and hung in my chest like the first deep inhale of a cold winter morning. I was so floored by the song that I needed to hear what came next. I paused the shuffle playlist and embarked upon a search to find the record that this track called home.

This excavation led me to Sufjan’s 2003 album Greetings from Michigan: The Great Lake State which I promptly queued up and let play out. Turns out “Oh God, Where Are You Now?” was track 13 of 15, so while there were only two other songs that followed, I felt compelled to see this record out to its conclusion.

The two songs that came after (“Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou)” and “Vito's Ordination Song”) ended up forming a trio of incredibly potent and deeply-impactful wintery songs that told one coherent and eerie tale.

If the album and songs titles didn’t give it away, Sufjan is not a man who’s concerned with punctuality. While three songs may not seem like much, this final stretch of tracks that close out Michigan ends up coming out to 19 minutes of music. Back in high school, that gave me just enough time to complete my morning routine and get out the door on time.

I became fixated on these three songs, and for the remainder of that year, they became my morning ritual. The soundtrack for two months of sleepy-eyed morning preparation. A sacred custom that I ended up recreating the next year. And the year after that. And the one after that. In fact, for years these three songs were all that I ever listened to from Sufjan’s wide-ranging discography. This 19-minutes of music came to represent the beginning of the holiday season, a near-daily habit of lovingly embracing three folk tracks from an album I hadn’t even listened to all the way through yet.

Obsession

Several years back I realized how silly it was that these three songs were the only ones I’d listened to from Sufjan in earnest. I repeatedly tried to dip my toes into the rest of his discography, and soon “trying Sufjan” became a yearly tradition as well. Year after year I attempted various entry points: whole albums, popular singles, even the rest of Michigan, but nothing ever grabbed me in the same way that those three tracks did.

Then in 2016, it happened: I became obsessed with Sufjan.

I don’t know how it happened or when it did, but it was as if a switch had been flipped in my head. Suddenly everything clicked all at once, and I found myself devouring his discography whole. I had his 5-hour Christmas catalog on repeat. I read every article with his name in the headline. I purchased enough vinyl to create a makeshift shelter. I couldn’t escape from Sufjan Stevens.

By the end of the year, I had racked up nearly 1,000 Sufjan plays, 82% of which occurred between November and December. Every listen up until that year had been relegated almost entirely to the final three songs off Michigan, but suddenly his entire discography had launched itself into the upper stratosphere of my musical consciousness.

In diving through the rest of his albums last winter I now have a firm understanding of who Sufjan Stevens is as an artist and where he sits on the musical spectrum. It turns out that he’s far from the sad, plucky folk singer that I had initially pegged him as. This year I’ve already exceeded last year’s numbers, and #SufjanSeason has become an official holiday in my house. So not only did 2016 signify a tipping point, it represented the beginning of a beautiful, rabid fandom that has opened the door to a new seasonal tradition and hundreds of hours of beautiful music. At the same time, I feel like I’ve only begun to scratch the surface.

Trinity

Sufjan Stevens has arguably made two near-perfect albums: both 2005’s Illinois and 2015’s Carrie & Lowell are widely considered masterpieces of the indie folk singer-songwriter genre. The former is a multi-instrumental masterpiece that showcases an astonishing array of sounds, topics, and textures. The latter is an instrumentally-bare folk album that finds Stevens meditating on life in the wake of his mother’s death. They’re both impeccable records that are worth diving into and worthy of their status as indie essentials, but neither are what this post is for.

Despite recognizing both Illinois and Carrie as “better albums,” I enjoy Michigan more, and I’m still grappling with what that means. While these later albums either swirl and flutter to life with a flurry of baroque instrumentation, or reserve all musicality behind a single veneer of raw guitar and vocals, Michigan lies somewhere in the middle. Packed with frost-covered horns, intimate acoustic guitars, and tenderly-delivered lyrics, Michigan is a chilly, introverted, and thought-provoking record that gently congeals into a cozy wintery panorama.

Like untamed cresting hills covered by a blanket of snow, the surface of Michigan is calm and uniform; a stark, raw, and silent beauty. However, much like that bed of new-fallen snow, once you begin to dig all sorts of unknowable intricacies begin to reveal themselves. It’s a winter wonderland of crisp sounds, all delivered in a singularly-grand package. It’s an album that’s whimsical and but also grounded in dissolution and the pain of existence. Michigan is what it would sound like if the Charlie Brown Christmas special took place in the 2000’s and the characters were all listless 20-somethings without jobs.

If I were to get someone into Sufjan Stevens, I’d still probably point them to either Illinois or Carrie & Lowell (depending on their taste), yet Michigan stands alone as an understated personal favorite of mine for many reasons. Perhaps it’s just thanks to my personal relationship with the album, but accidentally falling into Michigan’s embrace over the course of multiple years has allowed it to embody every warm holiday memory that I’ve ever experienced. It’s my favorite Sufjan record, a wonderful holiday offering, and one of the best in the entire genre.

The remainder of this post is a profile of Michigan and a (near-track-by-track) breakdown of what makes the album worthy of worship. I also adore this record so much that I took it upon myself to create a bunch of mobile wallpapers, so have at them.

Wonderland

Cartoonishly pitched as the first album in a 50-part project covering every state, Michigan is Sufjan Stevens’ third official LP. Preceded by A Sun Came and the electronic Enjoy Your Rabbit, Michigan was far from Sufjan’s first rodeo, but it marked the first time that he seemed to land on a complete and definitive sound. Especially when compared to later albums, Sufjan’s first two outings are great, but end up coming off like a “first attempt” and a left-field electronic diversion that were merely used as stepping stones to later greatness. The entrees meant to hold us over until this: the main course.

Technically a concept album, Michigan is a love letter from Stevens addressed to the state in which he was born and spent a majority of his childhood. The album is a comprehensive look at The Wolverine State, addressing everything from the common points of reference (The Great Lakes, popular sports teams, and overwhelming poverty) to intimate portrayals of what it’s like to live there. All of these tales are sung from the perspective of someone who has a deep, personal, and profound understanding of the area which makes them feel supremely genuine and heartfelt.

Michigan’s first track “Flint (For the Unemployed & Underpaid)” kicks the album off by tackling the exact issue that the state conjures for most people: joblessness. Beginning with a series of arid, ruminating piano chords, Sufjan soon enters singing from a whispered first-person perspective that depicts a dreary future of sadness and uncertainty. Jobless and homeless, the narrator finds himself “pretending to try” but secretly resigned to dying alone. Halfway through the track, a singular trumpet pairs with the established piano melody as Sufjan repeats his death-defying mantra over and over again until the final line is cut off mid-sentence. Shortly after this abrupt end, a hum of ambient noise consumes the song, and the next track begins.

It’s a haunting piece and a stark way to open a record. Most people don’t want to think about losing their job and dying sad, homeless, and alone on the street, yet on Michigan, these ideas are not only commonplace, they're scene setting. An introduction. The first taste that transports the listener, giving them a sense of place and, hopefully, a similar sense of hopelessness that allows them to empathize with the remainder of the album. This dark opening salvo is contrasted even further by it’s following track “All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!” which is a jubilant and bouncy stream-of-consciousness song that explodes with a brassy baroque chamber arrangement.

Here we’re introduced to the “concept” of the album as we realize that every song is sung about the state from different perspectives. This framework allows Stevens to show both the good and bad of Michigan, rapidly shifting from broad sociopolitical issues, then zooming all the way down to hyper-detailed illustrations of interpersonal drama.

Mid-album cuts like “The Upper Peninsula” are down-to-earth groove-centered depictions of rural lower class America. Sufjan finds himself tackling divorce, detachment, and the mundanity of day-to-day life in between Payless Shoes and K-Mart name-drops. Similar sounds are later revisited on songs like “Jacksonville” and “Neighbors” off Illinois but end up focusing on much different song topics.

Even a cursory glance at the album’s credits reveal the shocking amount of instrumentation at play on each of these tracks. Sollum banjo plucks serve as the background on “For the Widows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti.” Horns and trumpets emerge at unexpected times but are used so precisely that you probably won’t even notice them upon first listen. Instrumental tracks like “Tahquamenon Falls” are jaw-dropping scenic soundscapes that brim with cascading xylophone notes that dance around your head like snowflakes.

Even “traditional” folk arrangements and piano ballads have never been as poignant, soft-spoken, or heartfelt as “Holland” where single isolated piano notes poke up from a whirling frozen mass of sound. Eventually, a backtracked pair of falsetto vocals emerge to echo the song’s chorus, and it paints a vague picture of a couple singing alone in a house with nothing but a guitar, a piano, and each other nearby.

"Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head! (Rebuild! Restore! Reconsider!)" is the album’s sprawling ornamental 8-minute centerpiece that begins with a single, rapidly-rung bell. Soon a piano enters the mix, then a guitar, then Sufjan himself. The entire track builds around the beat of that bell until dozens of individual instruments all combine into this massive, extravagant, and decadent force of nature.

Things get personal on the banjo-plucked “Romulus” as Sufjan recounts several strained interactions with his mother even though he recognizes that he would do no better in her position. This dynamic would later be revisited and fully-addressed on Carrie & Lowell, but, “Romulus” is still a striking portrayal of a frayed relationship as well as the joys and frustrations that come along with family.

Finally, “Sleeping Bear, Sault Saint Marie” is an epic, swelling biblical track that escalates in delicate crescendos that all climax into one massive, breathtaking wall of sound. Accompanied by Megan Slaboda and Elin Smith, this late-album cut features an awe-inspiring instrumental mixture of organs, cymbals, and warm brass instruments. A careful and measured track that slows down to nothing then explodes to life.

The entire album sounds like a snow-covered log cabin. It feels like a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold, grey, rainy day. It smells like a freshly-cut noble fir. It tastes like a home-cooked bowl of soup. It’s the warm wool blanket enveloping your body. The cinnamon-sprinkled cookies that just came out of the oven. The glowing lights that dance and twinkle above your head. It’s musical soul food. It’s wholesome and full-bodied music that makes me want to be a better person. It’s absolutely flawless.

Despair and Grace

Circling back to the jumping off point of this post: I still remember hearing “Oh God, Where Are You Now?” for the first time and being struck with a strange sense of deja-vu. The track instantly evoked something deep inside of me. It made me feel everything that I’ve described up until this point and also came with a strange sense of familiarity. It felt like a piece of a past life that I’d lost and now recovered. I carefully studied the album artwork, and it looked like a long-lost Christmas album. The majestic snow-covered pine tree, the elegant deer, the warm red lettering, all captured in Laura Normandin’s beautiful brush strokes over a rich parchment. Everything about Michigan felt picture-perfect.

After 47 minutes of splendor, the most brilliant moment of Michigan comes with its final three-song stretch that winds from “Oh God, Where Are You Now? (In Pickerel Lake? Pigeon? Marquette? Mackinaw?)" to “Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou)” and “Vito's Ordination Song.” These three songs stand on their own as a singularly-impactful and world-shaping experience that are intertwined with some of the fondest, warmest, and most intimate memories of my entire life.

“Oh God, Where Are You Now?" begins with Stevens addressing God directly. Paired with a barely-distorted guitar line and a gently-played piano, our narrator finds himself questioning his faith as he whispers the title of the track and begs for God to touch him. Sufjan’s voice intertwines with a hushed group of backup singers comprised of Megan Slaboda, John Ringhofer, and Elin Smith as they collectively ask “Would the righteous still remain? / Would my body stay the same?”

Soon all four vocalists combine into one extraordinary force, all singing over a sparse, mounting piano melody and finger-plucked guitar. Midway through the song, after repeating the same set of heaven-bound lines, all of the vocalists break into a makeshift wordless chorus as they sing along to the now-established tune set by the piano.

All of the instruments all flicker and shimmer as if being played from a distant memory. The piano is patient and carefully tapped. The guitar gleams and quivers, faint and serene. You can hear ambient noise trickling in between the quiet pauses as if the entire of the studio was breathing and coming to life at that moment.

Near the end of the track, Sufjan’s vocals become more prominent and press up against the backup singers as they all revisit the chorus for a third time. Soon a mighty brush of cymbals erupt. Horns emerge from the corners of the mix and play along with the group's established melody. The piano picks back up, newly energized and boisterous. Soon another pair of horns emerge and add splashes of light to the song’s bigger picture. Every element is working in tandem, taking turns, all adding on to the song’s resounding and soul-affirming chant of “La da da, da da da.”

Then everything quiets to a hum. The horns and cymbals carry the song out with long, colorful streaks. It’s both somber and gorgeous. It’s warm and cozy, a melody that you can slip away into and tuck under yourself like a blanket. A massive tide consuming your soul at a glacial pace. Then, after nine minutes and 24 seconds, it’s gone. Silence.

Picking up exactly where “Oh God” left off, the very next thing the listeners hears are the timbred piano strikes of “Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou).” You can make out the distant wooden creak of a chair or a floorboard, and again, your mind is transported back to a remote snow-covered cabin in the middle of the woods. Far-off vocals echo through the top of the mix like specters haunting the lone pianist. Still, the melody continues, the reflective musician is barreling towards his destination with more confidence and determination than ever before.

In the final seconds, Redford’s piano ceases and the ethereal vocals make their last wail before being claimed by static silence, and then the song ends. “Redford” is a momentary meditation before the album’s final impact. The first part of a one-two punch. A connecting piece that serves as the bridge between the album’s two defining works.

Next, the final track unveils itself. “Vito's Ordination Song” begins with an elongated and heavy organ chord, as if the pianist from the last song had suddenly been brought back to life. It sounds wholesome and church-like, evoking the feeling of both a funeral and a sermon.

Sufjan returns from the instrumental abyss and quietly recalls “I always knew you / In your mother's arms.” Swiftly navigating toward noisy imagery of marriage, happiness, and warmth as the organ continues beneath his deliberate vocals. Then after a three-song absence, a set of drums enter the fray. Booming in comparison to the sense of quiet softness we’ve been basking in over the past 15 minutes, the drum keeps time while making way for a subtle horn arrangement and heart-beat-like organ passage.

The album’s cast of backup vocalists rejoin Sufjan for one final time, duetting and echoing the same sentiments as the song’s first verse but now full and exploding with liveliness. The group of singers land gracefully upon a final chorus that ferries us along for the remaining four minutes of the album: “Rest in my arms / Sleep in my bed / There's a design / To what I did and said.”

It’s soul-crushing, heartbreaking, and beautiful. It evokes such a varied range of emotions in me that it feels truly herculean to into words. It is winter. It is Christmas. It is heavenly. It is transcendental. It is every happy moment that I’ve ever experienced over the past decade. The soundtrack to the warm memories that exist only in my head. It’s the reflection of my entire life.

The same way that you feel when you gather with your family to watch that beloved Christmas movie. The way that you feel in the embrace of a loved one. The feeling you get when leafing through an old photo album of memories now long-past. The people you spent your life with. The recipes you made together. The ones that never got to share them. It is love. It is life. It is loss. It is everything and nothing more.

These songs make me unspeakably thankful for the life that I’ve lived, and the life I’m going to lead. They are truly perfect pieces of art. To completely break the flow, I initially wrote this while listening to Michigan for the first time this year, and teared up as I wrote this... Definitely a first for this blog.

In many ways, this three-song stretch is the reason that I created this website. A location for me to document, wholly and lovingly the things that bring me unimaginable joy. The beautiful thing is, everyone has their own three-song stretch. Some little thing that makes you happy. Maybe it’s something that nobody else knows about. Perhaps it’s so esoteric that it feels silly to share with anyone, even those closest to you. But I encourage you to share it. It’s something that you hold dearer than anything else in life. A genuine treasure. A piece of your soul crystallized externally. For me, that’s Michigan. It’s a work of art, a masterpiece, and my life.

#Sufjan Stevens #asthmatic kitty #michigan #illinois #carrie & lowell #christmas #folk #music #holiday #indie #2003

1 note · View note

advancewars2 · 5 years

Text

Was tagged by @alkalinerock for a 50 questions thing. These take long as fuck on mobile so I likely went to bed after making this

1. What takes up too much of your time? Not doing health things or active hobbies like learning to draw or music

2. What makes your day better? Any of the above things getting done.

3. What is the best thing that happened to you today? Just hung out with a couple buds, watched anime and some DC movies

4. What fictional place would you like to go? Gonna be real, most fictional places don’t seem too fun when you think about them for more than a minute. Although I guess a village in like stardew valley or animal crossing would be chill even though I’m not huge into those games.

5. Are you good at giving advice? I want to think I am for how much I talk but I have never seen my advice followed or have someone say it worked. I would honestly prefer no one followed my advice.

6. Do you have a mental illness? Don’t know if adhd counts but I got it. I have been off meds for it for years now and can function good in school and work it’s just getting a handle on focusing my free time that is my latest challenge. I really want to get in better shape and manage proper hobbies but it so much easier to get caught in idle watching or scrolling.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Yes! No demons though

8. What musician inspires you the most? He’s not one of my favorites but I think Childish Gambino. I remember watching his sketches when I was in middle school and he was just on YouTube and then seeing him grow through every medium that I loved into a fully realized artist and actor.

9. Have you ever fallen in love? Negative

10. What’s your dream date? Something that’s just fun for me and the specific person I’m with. Like some people have museum energy, late talk energy, night on the town energy etc. depends

11. What do others notice about you? It may seem weird but a compliment I’ve gotten often is that I smell nice which is reassuring and worrying cause my smell is the thing I’m the most self conscious about. My sense of smell is abysmal, I’ve been in sports and band for most of my life, and I work in a meat room so I have a lot of chances to smell rank as hell.

12. What’s an annoying habit you have? When we kept bottled water around I chewed the plastic caps. I’ve always chewed ice but at least that melts.

13. Do you still talk to your first love? Where she at?

14. How many exes do you have? 0

15. How many songs are in your playlist? I don’t really have a single playlist. Just a bunch of albums but Spotify says like 2000 + songs which I’m sure isn’t accurate cause I remove stuff

16. What instruments can you play? Just trumpet and I don’t feel like I’ve applied myself enough in the time I’ve had it.

17. What do you have the most pictures of? My pets I think

18. Where would you like to go before you die? I don’t really know

19. What’s your zodiac? Virgo

20. Do you relate to it? I don’t think anyone can. They’re so broad in their definition and scope that I’ve read so many things about them that I say “yeah that’s me” until I realize “literally everyone would want to say this about themselves”. We are the most biased in our own favor when we least expect and the scary part is when we are trying to be unbiased we are cruel to ourselves.

21. What is happiness to you? A web of support

22. Are you going through anything right now? Just trying to graduate and general 20 something anxieties

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? The problem here is I am pretty far beyond a lot of my decisions that I would call bad that changing them now would alter a lot of good things about myself and my life. Regret is not a feeling that stays with me for long unless I hurt someone.

24. What’s your favorite store? Movie and record stores

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? Choice

26. Do you keep a bucket list? Not really

27. Do you have a favorite album? Madvillainy

28. What do you want for your birthday? My friends to come to the cookout I’m having and me being willing to cook for it

29. What are people’s first impressions of you? I don’t have a way of knowing this. Most people’s only first impressions of anyone are “this is just a person” or “I don’t like them”

30. What age do you seem according to most? Older than I am by like 2 years but I still get carded???

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? Floor

32. What word do you say the most? Not a clue

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 30. I’ll say older ages but I don’t think anything meaningful would come from a gap that big

34. What’s the youngest you would date? My age or older.

35. What job or career would you say suits you the most? A thing that bothers me the most is that I’ve done a good job at most jobs I’ve had and would honestly just want something that’ll keep me busy during the day and focus me while also allowing me to live comfortably.

36. What’s your favorite music genre? I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface of so many of them

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? Idk. Whole worlds kind of nutty and not knowing a native language scares me (fuck right off England I’m not going). I think I’m fine here.

38. What is your current favorite song? Jesus forgive me, I am a Thot by JPEGMAFIA

39. How long have you had this blog? Like 6 years

40. What are you excited for? To make progress toward getting career ready and really starting my adult life. Wanna try new stuff

41. Are you a better talker or listener? I try to listen but I always worry I’m stepping on peoples talking points or circling the convo back to me so I’ll say I’m a better talker.

42. What was the last productive thing you did? Put gas in my car

43. What do you want for Christmas? My bills paid and maybe a record or a nice hoodie

44. What class do you get the best grades in? After middle school I kind of just slipped into maintaining a steady pace of average in every subject.

45. On a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling rn? 8

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Maybe living in a new city. Definitely doing something in my field. Maybe I would’ve gotten bold enough to try and really break into entertainment.

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Have not experienced that yet

48. What age do you want to get married? No clue. I really don’t like formalities and I would hope whoever I end up with feels the same.

49. What career did you want to have as a child? Marine biologist

50. What do you crave right now? Just organic conversation with friends. I’m going back to school soon and some are already moving away for grad school and life.

This was fun. Don’t wanna tag anyone cause this a long but you can say I tagged you and maybe I’ll read yours!

#tag game #long post #ssfs #mutuals

0 notes