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elryuse · 13 days

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MY ANGEL

HAN SO HEE X MALE READER

TAGS : Bully/Mafia So Hee, Bullied Reader, Tender Love, Blood, Passionate sex, Kissing, a little bit of angst, Happy ending??

The humid Korean summer night pressed against Y/n's thin apartment walls. The monotonous buzz of the cicadas outside mirrored the monotonous rhythm of his life: office, convenience store, sleep, repeat. He sighed, stirring the instant ramen in his worn pot. A sudden, insistent pounding on his door shattered the routine silence. Dread coiled in his stomach. Who could it be at this hour?

He cautiously cracked open the door, his eyes widening in disbelief. Standing there, illuminated by the flickering stairwell light, was Han So Hee. The name, once synonymous with terror in his school days, now evoked a strange mix of fear and a forgotten flutter in his chest.

So Hee, the girl who'd ruled the hallways with an iron fist, was a mess. Her once-pristine white blouse was stained crimson, a raw gash bleeding on her arm. Her eyes, the very ones that used to hold a glint of cruel amusement whenever she'd corner him, were now filled with a desperate vulnerability.

“Y/n,” she rasped, her voice raspy. “Please, I need your help.”

Years rolled back in a dizzying montage. So Hee, trip leader during freshman year, tormenting him with cruel nicknames and public humiliations. His heart pounded a frantic tattoo against his ribs. Yet, a flicker of something new, something that wasn't fear, sparked in the pit of his stomach.

“Come in,” he stammered, surprised by his own voice.

So Hee stumbled inside, the metallic tang of blood hitting him like a slap. He ushered her to the only chair in the room and, ignoring the tremor in his hands, helped her settle down. The fear in her eyes was raw, a stark contrast to the haughty facade she’d always worn.

“What happened?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

She closed her eyes, taking a ragged breath. “I… I got into trouble. They’re after me.”

Details were scarce, delivered in hushed tones. A botched mission, ruthless enemies, the police hot on her tail. She was part of a Mafia gang – a truth so far removed from the world he inhabited that it felt like a movie scene unfolding in his tiny apartment.

She pleaded for a place to stay, just for the night. He braced himself for a rejection, for a flicker of the old scorn in her eyes. Instead, he was met with a raw vulnerability that tugged at something deep within him.

“You can stay,” he blurted, surprising himself the most.

Relief flooded So Hee's face, washing away the grime and blood. He cleaned her wounds with a gentleness that surprised him, the hesitant touch leaving a spark on both their skins. He offered her warm clothes, stolen glances revealing a woman far removed from the tormentor of his past.

Days turned into weeks. So Hee, stripped of her bravado, healed both physically and emotionally. He watched her vulnerability transform into a quiet strength, the fear replaced by a fierce determination. His quiet apartment became a refuge, filled with the simple act of cooking meals together, the sound of shared laughter echoing through the small space.

He was drawn to this new So Hee, a woman battling demons he couldn't see. One warm evening, after dinner, the charged air between them crackled. She turned to him, a hesitant smile gracing her lips.

"Y/n, thank you," she whispered, her hand brushing his. "For everything."

The touch was electric, igniting a yearning he hadn't known existed. He cupped her face, his thumb tracing the line of her jaw. The familiar scent of blood and jasmine, once repulsive, now sparked a forbidden desire.

"There's something else I need to ask," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He leaned in, anticipation thrumming between them. "What is it?"

She met his gaze with a newfound intensity. "Come with me. Join me in my World."

His heart lurched. It was a world of violence, a far cry from the quiet life he cherished. Yet, the way she looked at him, the vulnerability mixed with something deeper, made his world tilt on its axis.

"I can't," he choked out, the words a bitter truth. "That's not who I am So Hee."

Disappointment clouded her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by a different glint, a glint of something primal. Her voice was a mere husk when she spoke. "Then at least let me give you something else. In return. "

Before he could react, she was pulling him close, their lips meeting in a collision of desperation and need. Her kiss was a storm, fierce and demanding, awakening a hunger he hadn't known he possessed. She tore at his shirt, urgency fueling her movements, mirroring the frantic pounding of his heart.

The kiss ignited a wildfire in Y/n's chest. He fumbled with the buttons of her borrowed shirt, the thin cotton whispering against his eager fingers. Her skin, exposed by the falling fabric, was warm and smooth, a contrast to the coolness of the night air seeping through the window.

He grazed a fingertip down the exposed column of her neck, sending shivers rippling across her already taut skin. A moan escaped her lips, a sound so raw and vulnerable it sent a jolt through him. It wasn't the cruel dominance of his school days, but a desperate plea, an urgent need that mirrored his own.

"So Hee," he breathed, his voice thick with a desire he hadn't known he possessed. "You're safe here with me."

Her eyes fluttered open, surprise flickering in their depths before melting back into a yearning that mirrored his own. "For now," she whispered, her voice husky.

He backed her towards the worn mattress that dominated his tiny bedroom. It creaked softly in protest as they landed on the familiar surface. The scent of instant ramen and loneliness that usually clung to the air was overpowered by the sudden intensity of her jasmine perfume and the metallic tang of her blood, a strange, exhilarating combination.

His fingers grazed the curve of her hip, sending a gasp through her. Her touch was equally frantic, her nails digging into the thin cotton of his t-shirt, bunching the fabric in her fist. Every touch sent a jolt through him, a raw awareness of her body pressed flush against his own.

"Does it still hurt?" he murmured, his voice thick with concern as he traced a line down her arm, his thumb catching on the raw gash that was still healing.

She shook her head, her eyes locked on his. "Not anymore," she whispered, the tremor in her voice betraying the lie.

The knowledge sparked a protectiveness within him that surprised him. He brushed a gentle kiss over the wound, the taste of salt and iron a strange counterpoint to the sweetness of her lips moments before.

He trailed kisses down her neck, savoring the heat of her skin beneath his touch. Her breaths came in ragged gasps, her body trembling with a mixture of fear and anticipation. He reached the edge of her blouse, the cool fabric a stark contrast to the warmth of her skin. He hesitated, gauging her reaction.

Her eyes fluttered closed, a silent plea on her lips. "Please," she breathed.

With a slow, deliberate motion, he peeled the fabric away, revealing the creamy expanse of her shoulder. The moonlight streaming through the window cast an ethereal glow on her skin, making her appear even more fragile, even more captivating.

He couldn't resist any longer. He cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs tracing the soft outline of her cheekbones. Their gazes locked, an unspoken conversation passing between them. Then, he closed the distance, his lips meeting hers in a kiss that was both desperate and tender.

This time, the kiss was an exploration. He tasted the salt of her tears, the sweetness of her fear, the raw hunger that mirrored his own. Her hands roamed his back, her touch both hesitant and demanding. He felt a surge of possessiveness, a need to claim her, to protect her from the world that had brought her to this point.

"Y/n," she gasped between kisses, her voice laced with a desperation that both scared and excited him.

"I'm here, So Hee," he murmured against her lips, his voice thick with emotion. "I've got you."

The kiss deepened, a tangle of limbs and whispered promises. He explored the smooth expanse of her back, his fingers sending shivers down her spine. Her blouse fell forgotten on the floor, and a gasp escaped her lips as the cool air touched her bare skin.

"Beautiful," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire as he traced the curve of her hip.

"No," she breathed, her voice laced with a newfound vulnerability. "Not beautiful. Not after everything I've done to you."

He cupped her face in his hands, his touch gentle. "You are beautiful, So Hee. More than you know."

His words seemed to break a dam within her. Tears welled up in her eyes, spilling over as she buried her face in his chest. He held her close, whispering words of comfort, the storm of emotions that had been brewing within her finally finding release.

As her sobs subsided, a shaky breath escaped her lips. "Hold me, Y/n. Please," she whispered.

He tightened his hold on her, the simple act of holding her close a balm to the turmoil within them both. But the embers of desire still flickered beneath the surface. He trailed a finger down her arm, sending a spark through her.

"So Hee," he murmured, his voice husky. "Are you sure"? The question hung heavy in the air, the unspoken desires a tangible presence between them. So Hee lifted her head, her tear-streaked eyes locking with his. The vulnerability was still there, but a new spark flickered within them – a spark of defiance, a flicker of the old So Hee, the one who wouldn't be ruled by fear.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice barely a breath, yet laced with a steely resolve. "I'm sure."

He didn't need further confirmation. He leaned in again, this time the kiss filled with a newfound urgency. It was a desperate dance, a collision of fear and desire, a frantic exploration of each other's bodies. Her touch was no longer hesitant, her fingers exploring the contours of his chest, tracing the muscles beneath his t-shirt.

He fumbled with the buttons of his own shirt, the fabric falling away to reveal the bare expanse of his chest. Her breath hitched as she took him in, her eyes lingering on the faint scar etched across his shoulder from a childhood fall.

"A badge of honor?" she murmured, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips.

He chuckled, the sound low and warm. "More like a reminder of clumsiness."

The tension, though momentarily broken, was soon replaced by a renewed sense of urgency. He trailed kisses down her slender neck, his touch sending shivers cascading down her spine. Her blouse, forgotten on the floor, became a tangled mess around her arms.

He knelt between her legs, the moonlight highlighting the vulnerability exposed before him. He paused, his gaze searching hers. In that silent exchange, a promise was made, a promise of respect and tenderness amidst the swirling passion.

Her eyes fluttered shut as a shaky nod escaped her lips. The hesitancy was gone, replaced by a raw, desperate plea. He took it slow, his touch a gentle exploration, a reverence for the woman who had barged into his life and turned it upside down.

Each gasp, each moan that escaped her lips, was a symphony to his ears. He savored her touch, the light caress of her fingers exploring his back, the frantic grip of her nails digging into his arm. The small room became a universe of its own, filled with the sounds of their shared breath, the rustle of sheets, and the symphony of their passion.

The night wore on, a blur of tangled limbs and stolen moments. Each touch, each kiss, was a rediscovery, a peeling back of layers for both of them. The fear that had shadowed their earlier encounter melted away, replaced by a raw, primal connection.

As dawn's first light cast a soft glow through the window, they lay entangled, exhausted but strangely content. The world outside still held its dangers, but for now, in the quiet haven of his small apartment, they had found a fragile peace, a connection forged not just in the heat of passion, but in the vulnerability and trust they had shared.

But the weight of reality soon pressed down. So Hee stirred, her eyes fluttering open. A flicker of fear returned to their depths. The haven they had created was temporary, and the harsh reality of her situation still loomed large.

"What now?" she asked, her voice a mere whisper.

Y/n knew this was the moment of truth. He could let her walk away back into the dangerous world she belonged to, or he could take a leap of faith, a leap that could shatter the quiet life he'd built. He looked at her, this woman who had brought chaos and passion into his life in equal measure, and a warmth bloomed in his chest.

"I don't have all the answers," he admitted, his voice gruff. "But I know I can't just let you go back to that."

He reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. "We'll figure it out together," he promised, the words a vow whispered into the dawn.

So Hee stirred beside him, the first tendrils of dawn painting the window a pale gray. A bittersweet ache settled in her chest. As much as she craved the normalcy, the tenderness she'd found in Y/n's tiny apartment, she couldn't stay. Her world was a tangled mess of violence and loyalty, a world that wouldn't hesitate to claim her life if they discovered her betrayal.

"Y/n," she whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears.

He stirred beside her, his eyes blinking open sleepily. A smile touched his lips, soft and gentle. But as he saw the worry etched on her face, the smile faltered.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice rough with sleep.

She took a shaky breath, the words catching in her throat. "I can't stay," she blurted out, the confession a physical weight lifting from her chest. The relief, however, was laced with a searing pain that threatened to drown her.

Y/n's face fell. The warmth in his eyes vanished, replaced by a hollowness that mirrored the sudden emptiness blooming in her own chest.

"Why?" The question was a mere whisper, laced with a quiet desperation that tore at her heartstrings.

Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring his worried face. "It's not safe for you," she choked out, her voice barely audible. "They'll come for me, and if they find me here..."

She couldn't finish the sentence. The image of his gentle eyes filled with fear, his peaceful life shattered because of her, was too much to bear.

He reached out, his hand cupping her cheek. His touch was a silent plea, a desperate attempt to hold onto the fragile connection they had forged.

"There has to be another way," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "We can figure something out together."

The hope in his voice, the fierce determination to protect her, filled her with a warmth that threatened to melt her resolve. But the cold logic of her situation intruded, a harsh whisper echoing in the quiet room.

"No, Y/n," she said, her voice firm despite the tremor in her heart. "You deserve a life without looking over your shoulder, a life without the constant threat of violence."

A tear escaped her eye, tracing a warm path down her cheek. Y/n wiped it away with his thumb, his touch lingering on her skin, branding her with the memory of his tenderness.

"But what about me?" he asked, his voice cracking. "What about what I want?"

His words were a punch to the gut, a stark reminder of the selfish desires battling within her. She wanted nothing more than to stay, to curl up beside him and pretend the world outside didn't exist. But the weight of her responsibility, the loyalty she bore to those who had taken her in when she was a scared orphan, held her back.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, burying her face in his chest. Her voice muffled, she confessed her love, a torrent of words that tumbled out in a desperate attempt to bridge the distance that was already growing between them.

He held her close, his silence a stark contrast to the storm raging within her. The warmth of his embrace was a bittersweet comfort, a reminder of what she was losing.

As the first rays of sunlight streamed through the window, casting long shadows across the room, they knew their time was up. With a heavy heart, So Hee pulled away, the lingering warmth a stark contrast to the sudden chill that had settled on them both.

They dressed in a tense silence, the air thick with unspoken emotions. Finally, So Hee stood, her backpack slung over her shoulder, a weight heavier than its contents.

She looked at Y/n, his face etched with a mixture of sadness and understanding. In his eyes, she saw a flicker of something else – a spark of determination that mirrored her own.

"I'll find a way," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "I'll find a way to be with you."

Her heart ached with the impossibility of his promise. Yet, the hope in his eyes ignited a flicker of warmth within her.

"Maybe," she whispered, the word a fragile bridge between their two worlds.

With one last lingering look, a silent promise hanging heavy in the air, So Hee turned and walked away. The familiar click of the door shutting behind her echoed in the small apartment, a finality that threatened to break her.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. Y/n went through the motions of his life, a ghost haunting his own apartment. So Hee's absence was a constant ache in his chest, a void that no amount of instant ramen or reruns could fill.

One particularly dreary evening, Y/n dragged himself home from work, the rain mirroring the grey mood that clung to him like a second skin. He fumbled with his keys, the familiar click of the lock a hollow sound in the silent apartment. As he flicked on the light, a gasp escaped his lips.

There, in the dim glow, stood So Hee. Her hair was damp from the rain, a single tear glistening on her cheek, but a radiant smile lit up her face. Gone were the worn clothes and haunted eyes; in their place stood the So Hee from before, confident and captivating.

But it wasn't just her appearance that had changed. There was a new sparkle in her eyes, a quiet confidence that spoke of battles fought and won. Scattered around the room were a motley assortment of gifts – a brightly colored scarf he'd admired in a window display months ago, a box of his favorite instant ramen (a suspiciously large one), and a worn paperback filled with stories from his childhood.

"So Hee?" Y/n's voice was a mere whisper, a mixture of disbelief and joy bubbling within him.

A tear slipped down her cheek, a single perfect drop that mirrored the one on his own. "Hi, Y/n," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "I'm home."

He closed the gap between them in two long strides, his arms wrapping around her in a crushing embrace. The familiar scent of jasmine filled his senses, a powerful reminder of everything he'd thought he'd lost.

"H-how?" he asked, his voice muffled against her shoulder. "How did you manage to do this?"

She pulled back slightly, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Let's just say I've learned a few new negotiation tactics," she said with a wink. "And don't worry, everything's already taken care of."

Doubt flickered in his eyes, but before he could voice it, she silenced him with a kiss. It was a kiss filled with relief, with a hard-won peace, and most importantly, with a love that had endured separation and hardship.

As they pulled apart, a comfortable silence settled between them. So Hee's gaze swept across the room, landing on the instant ramen.

"How about some dinner, Mr. L/n?" she asked, a playful smirk on her lips. "This time, my treat."

Y/n laughed, a genuine, heartfelt sound that broke the tension for good. He pulled her close again, the warmth of her presence a balm to his soul. "Just promise me one thing," he murmured, his voice low and intimate.

"Anything," So Hee whispered, her fingers tracing the outline of his jaw.

"Don't ever leave me again."

So Hee met his gaze, her eyes filled with a newfound fierceness. "Never again, Y/n. Never. "

They spent the rest of the evening tangled together, devouring the mountain of instant ramen, reminiscing, and filling the silence with the comfortable sounds of laughter and shared stories. The night was far from perfect – their past lingered like a shadow, and the future remained uncertain. But in that simple act of being together, of sharing a meal and a laugh, they found a fragile peace, a promise of a future built on love, trust, and the unwavering determination to face whatever challenges awaited them, together.

The rain continued to lash against the windows, but inside Y/n's apartment, the storm had passed. They had weathered the darkness and emerged on the other side, a little stronger, a little wiser, and forever bound by the love that had brought them together.

The instant ramen lay forgotten on the coffee table, a testament to their shared laughter and a prelude to something more. So Hee's fingers trailed up Y/n's arm, sending shivers dancing across his skin. Her touch was a stark contrast to the harsh world she'd left behind, a reminder of the tenderness she'd craved for so long.

He cupped her face, his thumbs tracing the soft curve of her cheekbones. Her eyes, once filled with fear and defiance, now held a depth of emotion that mirrored his own. In that silent exchange, a lifetime of unspoken words passed between them.

The kiss that followed was filled with a newfound intensity, a desperate hunger that spoke of their long separation. It was a collision of relief and desire, a celebration of their hard-won reunion. So Hee surrendered to the embrace, her lips melting into his, the taste of him both familiar and intoxicating.

His touch was electric, igniting a fire that had simmered beneath the surface. He explored the curves of her back, his hands sending shivers cascading down her spine. Her blouse, a forgotten casualty of their earlier laughter, fell away, revealing the creamy expanse of her skin that glistened in the soft lamplight.

As their clothes became mere obstacles, a whispered plea escaped So Hee's lips. "Y/n," she breathed, her voice laced with a raw vulnerability that tugged at his heartstrings.

He understood. He understood the fear that still lingered within her, the battle scars etched not just on her body but on her soul. He took it slow, his touch a gentle exploration, a reverence for the woman who had brought chaos and passion into his life in equal measure.

Each touch, each kiss, was a rediscovery, a peeling back of layers for both of them. The fear that had shadowed their first encounter melted away, replaced by a raw, primal connection. They moved as one, a tangle of limbs and whispered promises, their bodies a symphony of shared pleasure.

In that moment, So Hee finally understood. This wasn't just love, it was a kind of redemption. Y/n wasn't just a refuge, he was an angel, a beacon of light that had pulled her from the darkness. He saw the good within her, even when she couldn't see it herself.

As dawn painted the sky with streaks of pink and orange, they lay entangled, exhausted but content. The world outside still held its uncertainties, but for now, they were safe in each other's arms. So Hee had found her happily ever after, not in the grand gestures or the thrill of danger, but in the quiet embrace of a man who loved her, flaws and all. And Y/n, the once quiet office worker, had found his purpose, his reason to fight for a brighter future, not just for himself, but for the woman who had become his everything. In the end, they had saved each other, not from external threats, but from the loneliness that had threatened to consume them both. They had found love, redemption, and a future filled with the promise of forever.

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the-gayest-sky-kid · 2 months

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I'm not the biggest fan of Oda, as many here already know. That comes from the INCREDIBLE disconnect between the fandom version of him as opposed to the canon. I see often on Twitter, Reddit, Youtube, etc etc. this treatment of Oda as some great force of pure good, and furthermore this scene as a grand bit of final wisdom. So right now, let's talk about his death scene.

The anime puts it like this:

"You told me you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. [...] You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side that saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. [...] Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same to you, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a bit better."

And the light novel puts it like this:

"You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live… [...] You won't find it. [...] You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity. [...] Be on the side that saves people. [...] If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but… saving others is something just a bit more wonderful."

I want to break down what bothers me in these. This portion especially.

You told me you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. [...] You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side that saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live… [...] You won't find it. [...] You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

I think we often forget that Dazai is still a suicidal teen in Dark Era, and that he's one that's held on to the hope he'd find something for all this time. I dont disagree with the fact he must know he won't find anything in the mafia already. But Oda misunderstands a lot of fundamental parts of Dazai, which lead to this scene being devastating.

Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side that saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear.

Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen.

The thing is, Dazai DOES find things he doesn't expect. He meets Chuuya and Chuuya surprises him! He meets Oda and Ango and they fascinate him!! He meets Kunikida and Ranpo and everyone else and he finds them interesting!!! He gets proven wrong, he gets surprised, he has NEVER been infallible. And he's incredibly hopeful too, as stated earlier. He held on to the hope he'd find something for the past 3 years despite how horrible of an environment the mafia was for him, and he still tried his hardest to save Oda. To tell him that not only would he never find anything here, but anywhere else he goes? It's kind of.... well, shitty.

And there's another thing about this line I have to point out, something from a couple pages earlier.

"But he's different. He's sharp-witted with a mind like a steel trap. And he's just a child—a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we're seeing."

"He was too smart for his own good. That was why he was always alone. The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood."

Oda believes that it's Dazai's intelligence that isolates him. While this is true, it's only true to an extent. Look at Ranpo, who was also isolated because of his intelligence. He doesn't stay that way, despite not having any peers. Ranpo found his place with Fukuzawa at the agency, and there was nothing stopping Dazai from also finding his own.

Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity.

And I don't know how to explain this to people, but telling an emotionally distressed teenager that he's going to be lonely forever is, erm, kind of bad? Especially when the person he thinks understands him the most is like... dying in his arms.

Oda tried to help Dazai in his final moments, I'm not trying to discredit that. He gave Dazai his advice and Dazai chose to take it, because he knew Oda was speaking from his own experiences. But Oda's words were still harmful to him, regardless of how well meaning they were.

#bsdrewatch2023 #my one bsd analysis long post wahoo #sorry for the haterism im fed up with can do no wrong angel fandom odasaku #give me flawed oda!!!#dont get me wrong guys i love this scene but i love it a) BECAUSE IT *IS* DEVASTATING #and b) because dazai choosing a better life for himself is really beautiful to me #but the entire oda was a shining light in the mafia and he guided dazai with his goodness in these final moments narrative IRKS ME #SO MUCH #so here we go :)#caps cw #longer post #long post

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