#That's what I have irl and it is IDEAL

[fanvoidkeith]

sometimes being aroacespec is confusing. what do you mean, most people can tell the difference between platonic and romantic and sexual attraction? what do you mean people don't "choose" crushes? what do you mean that people can imagine themselves in a physical situation with someone else?? isn't dating just Friendship Plus??? hell, isn't marriage just Friendship Plus?????????

what do they mean??????????? what are feelings???? why am i so confused????????

*edit: changed "aroace" to "aroacespec", since several aromantic people felt that this was not an Aromantic Feeling. i see you, i hear you, and so i changed it to be more accurate to me personally, since i am Confused About Feelings Always

#void keith talks #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aromantic asexual #i'm so confused as an autistic aroace person #about every emotion i have about another person ever #and i also read a lot of romance so like. i know what romance is *supposed* to look like #i know the ideal and the not ideal #but i have no idea about any sort of romantic social cues irl #because i'm bad with social cues. i miss them a lot or i misinterpret them #i'm good with body language because i was taught a lot of it early #but social cues are different and some change over time which is INCREDIBLY confusing #and also like? i don't feel stable enough or mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship #i feel like it would be unfair for a potential partner(s) for them to be in a relationship with me #because i just Don't Have My Shit Together. like at all #i Only Like Fictional People That Way #fictoromantic #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+ #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #arospec #aromantic spectrum #aroacespec

[liverpool-enjoyer]

ooooh man oh man the Asexual Angst™️ is hitting HARD tonight 😭😭

#WHY COULDNT I HAVE BEEN ACE AND ARO #MY LIFE WOULDA BEEN SM EASIER #BRO DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD ITS GONNA BE TO FIND A GUY THAT DOESNT WANNA BONE??? 😭😭 #like im sitting here thinking a what the ideal scenario would be #n like the thought of telling my hypothetical boyfriend 'hey i dont wanna have sex ever' n him being ok w that??? #like i literally cant fathom it #even in my IMAGINATION i cant think of a guy being ok w that #sigh.. #jus. why me #how come everyone else gets to like #be in a relationship n stuff #n my irl friends are like 'oh youll find someone!!' #best friend saying that doesnt make it TRUE #like whatre the fuckin odds #could i not jus have been allo #ngl this ace thing kinda sucks #like truly honestly think abt it #could you honestly imaginr a guy being cool w not having sex for the rest a his life??? #exactly #why did i get the asexual heteromantic combo #its ace but with Horrific Yearning #i think ive come to terms with it atp #but like damn... #shit sucks #doomed by the narrative to never know the (romantic) touch of a man ✌️🤪 #hey God if You could jus like #make me not asexual overnight #thatd be appreciated #n like im not even depressed while typing this. jus resigned #asexual

[lycanr0t]

see i dont actually view chilchuck as a mouseboy thats just what he kinda ended up looking like in my design for him but i didn't just slap mouse ears + jerboa tail on him for no reason.

i actually came up with it bc while watching when it said that half foots senses are better than most my immediate thought was that them just having bigger ears didn't make sense, it wouldn't give them such a huge advantage. so i considered what animals were generally small, agile, smart, had good balance and control of their bodies. something light on it's feet.

rodents were an obvious choice to reference. I liked the jerboa-like tail for the balance it could provide, where a more rat like tail seemed like it wouldn't provide much support balance wise, plus it seemed too heavy. a heavy tail with bulk would be inconvenient.

same goes for the ears. i didn't want to change the overall silhouette too much but more mouse-y ears would provide better hearing support than big human ears. being able to move them would help with direction as well. same goes for the mouse-like feet. its all about thinking about the features half foots are known for and developing from there. theyre small, they rely on stealth, balance, and detecting danger in order to avoid it. so what physical features might develop in them to accommodate these things.

#i actually had not seen any fanart when i came up with my chil design so its funny that multiple unconnected ppl applied rodent to him #i was so surprised when i did go in tags and saw other artists post art from before i had even watched it yet! #admittedly my chil design isnt any too special like i did not put that much effort into integrating these features #mostly bc i wanted to keep him looking generally like himself. so i opted to not change it TOO heavily #but if i was to make an actual species redesign i would adjust much more #because frankly irl human shape is not ideal for most of what half foots supposedly excel at #rot posts #anyways thats my autistic rambling about character/creature design i have to go to bed now

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[anicemyth]

unemployed, trans, disabled, and looking to raise $100 for therapy and $50 for hrt this month. i currently have less than $5 in my bank account after paying for the therapy intake session. i know everyone on here is broke too but i really appreciate any help i can get

my commissions are $25 upfront + $10/hour but if you donate any amount, even $1, send me a message and i'll draw you something

i also have some things for sale on poshmark

if you want more details about any of this you can message me. again, anything helps

#mua #i hate making posts like this but i don't really know what else to do #other people have it worse than me but i have no way to make $100 a month and ideally i'd be having sessions once a week not every other #but $200 a month from commissions seems like an insane goal. and then hrt is another $50 and. ugh #tbh i'd like to go to an event at a gay bar this month thats $18 because i have no friends irl and never leave the house #and could desperately use some sense of community and a fun thing to cut through just sitting inside being miserable all day #but that's. a longshot. anyway. even if i cant get therapized or see gay people weed is good for my physical and mental problems so #yeah being gay and unwell and poor sucks. the end

[hilsoncrater]

family is going for a month to europe. when they come back i will be moved out & gone

#mother's number blocked #i will have zero in savings & $4k credit card debt which is not ideal but ! #after what my mother said to me tonight i do not give a fuck #talked to my irl friend & her boyfriend for hours abt her and her bf had some truth bombs #and its like.....fuck. she does treat me like an experiment. she treats me like a son. she treats me strange #they both called her emotionally/mentally abusive and were like 'how? the fuck did you make it this long without snapping' #besties i cannot tell you!! #anyways. moving out by late june let's fucking goooooo

[lepertamar]

i hate………it when my loves’s patterns look like they are mere expressions of a preexisting and underlying platonic ideal i Actually love…..there was a post i saw asking if ppl had any kinks that they only had specifically in the context of doing it at or with one specific person, the implication and responses suggested this was very strange and unusual and it made me realize……nearly .all my kinks are like this—i do not have a kink for x, and merely want someone who is able to fulfill it. i have a kink for ‘doing x with this one specific person who is not interchangeable with any other person on earth who has ever lived.’ same with broader contexts of relationships—i don’t want to be looking for someone who fits Into a preexisting slot for me, i am not into a particular 'type' of thing and looking for real things that can fill—or mimic, live up to, sort of approximate—that role. that is not me! that is so not me!

sure there are obviously some patterns but that’s different, that’s only after the fact. the encounters are what create the pattern in me in the first place. my loves — in ideas, stories, etc — are not ‘oh this is an Example of the preexisting Thing i want’. they are things that i encountered that caused some kind of reaction in my electron bonds that cause me to stick to it and become a slightly different shape, and sure some of that is only possible because of what i am, but mostly it’s that once i have encountered this thing that reshapes my electron bonds and sticks to me, then i also become capable of sticking to similar things, or completely different things i wasn't able to stick to before, sometimes due to convoluted associations, often transcending the association after a bit and connecting with the other things independently of it. i have a really really hard time not reflexively — even just in my own brain—‘justifying’ my loves and patterns by trying to make up an underlying preexisting Empty Slot in the way other people do — trying unthinkingly to explain and come up with ‘a type’ (preexisting) that this one singular particular one-of-a-kind thing or person is just a mere example of/fitting candidate for—but it’s a lie when i do this. it’s lying to myself, and lying to others. i think i have done it on this blog before. but it’s ugly, and untrue, and not me.

#i was talking intensely with someone this morning about this and how they have….been unlearning this same reflex #and that MY blog is what helped them? which is great but it also makes me aware of how much i DO do this even if it’s less #anyway like. i don’t think tamar had a preexisting constitution that was destined for x it was just. she wanted it she wanted it badly. #once she encountered she was besotted. it was not one Way of expressing a true self. and Also not like she’d be incomplete if she'd never #started wanting it. maybe not something she’d HAVE wanted so badly if she encountered it differently. but she DID. and so it became Of her. #like IRL...g-d who set-Its-heart-on am yisrael not because we were An Example of Its ideal but because It did. #the falling in love is the first principle. not falling in love with an example that fit what It wanted in a mate but #wanting and continuing to want and putting the effort into it becuz the love happened and could not be helped. #‘she did something sacred and she’s still burning?’ and ‘i’m someone who’s done that..part of me (now)....’ #(“And the nature of his [soul]… was it to be enveloped? He is suspicious suddenly that it was *not*. that #his life could have taken a different path but instead he has found himself here. [….] but how lucky he is that what he is to see is this-- #coal sings #sehhinah

[britneyshakespeare]

i might seem like just a mentally ill eccentric. but deep down i care about the children

#im talking about my job #tales from diana #i probably dont seem eccentric at all to the ppl i work w just socially anxious (which is very obvious irl & always has been w me) #i dont know how to explain my conflict about working at my high school lately other than. it's not just my trauma #with that particular building. i mean yes it's very much awoken w me when im in there #but everything that was wrong w the *culture* of my school. the way teenagers in that district acted. #it's like. exactly the way i left it seven years ago #and i think a lot of it has to do with the incompetence of the administration and i hate to say it but. individual teachers to some extent #i mean ppl just have no expectations for these children to be respectful and apply themselves #when you treat students with dignity and present their work with dignity they will feel dignified and care more. #there are lots of systemic issues that affect teenagers too that cause them to be disengaged as well #and you never know what's just going on in their individual lives that's interfering w their school success. #in many ways it's like the way they fare is so out of our hands that i get why teachers are so burnt out and cant be assed #im very much bright-eyed and bushytailed in some ways. even tho i do not see this as a glamorous job #i am very young and haven't been doing this long enough to have EVERY ideal beaten out of me. just most of em. #yeah. the culture of that high school is just awful. #in general i have very high opinions of teenagers. and low opinions of high schoolers. #it's not who they are that is wrong. it's the building they inhabit and the ways they move around it. #it's the potential of them that is being ill-served that frustrates me so much. #they deserve better and so do we as the adults working there #that's that on that

[sirompp]

did you know lego has a "pick a brick" thing on their site whee you can pick individual bricks to buy. unrelated but did you know ive never shopped online for anything before.

#im still not done... #ive had this tab open for days. #n*njago friends you will be real soon. #<-censored so it doesnt show up in searches. youre welcome random people ill never see who are just trying to find fandom content <3 #im getting extra of some pieces bc i want to paint them....... #i literally have just minifigure pieces in here btw. #i used to be (and still am) obsessed with making minifigures #more than building sets anyway #bc. like. sets you get to make once. but lego OCs? you can unmake and remake them foreveerrrrrrrr #like they have so many normal lego pieces on here too but how am i supposed to know what pieces ill need for a build. #i dont even know what im going to build!! #i wish there was a site or a program where you could like. make your own lego builds with whatever pieces you like #and then itd tell you what pieces and how many youd need to make it irl so i could order them on the site... #in an ideal world id be playing with legos So Much but sadly i dont have very many legos. #ive literally only made 2 lego builds that Werent straight from an instruction manual and that was. this month. #only one of them is a real build the other was just a set piece for photos for a silly storyline i was doing in my discord server #the van doesnt look great. the windshield comes off So Easily and also Doesnt Even Align With The Rest Of The Van Theres Like This Weird Ga #and the other thing is just a wall with 3 chairs and a Very Bad Looking Mirror/Window and the walls made with ROOF PIECES. #and i mean. theres this old saying. limitation breeds creativity. #idk if its an old saying tbh i remember seeing it one time #and its definitely true. my builds look Kind Of Stupid but theyre charming and theyre MINE. #if i had access to every single piece in the world the hair salon set piece might not have had pink and white striped walls #which are only striped bc i had to put flat white tiles between the roof pieces cause i didnt have enough of them #and the van. um. ok im struggling to think of a good thing to say about the van i just like it man even if it looks a bit shit #i used the horse stable doors as actual openable car doors which is something ive always wanted from a lego car #actually if i had all the pieces in the world i wouldnt have made the hair salon setpiece thing anyway cause i only made it bc #i lost the hair piece of one of my minifigures and Could Not Find It At All and thought itd be funny if i made the guy go to the hair salon #AND if i had all the pieces in the world that minifigure wouldnt even exist!!!! i would never have made n*injago friends bc i would have. #just had the normal n*njago minifigures. no need to White Womanify them because like every lego friends piece is a white woman piece #and the Cole With Gun bit wouldnt exist bc my friend would have never thought he was holding a gun instead of an axe

[lesbianamalvada]

I think we need more stories like Wizard of Oz where a young person wants to run away and gets transported to a magical place but then realizes how great home actually was. A lot of young people more than ever are calling their families abusive and toxic for minor disagreements, and really ageism is one of the deadliest bigotries. It stops you from learning from and appreciating your elders and I think a lot of gen Z will regret this when they're older.

#yes this post was inspired by reservation dogs #i know some people come from genuinely abusive house holds but so many kids think their parents are abusers for normal disagreements. #and discount what their elders say because “lol old” #there's a reason they took children away from their parents and grandparents as a way of disenfranchising indigenous people #cutting away your roots is dangerous and friends are great but many of you would throw away your loving families for a “queer found family” #and want to be raised by a 23 year old man with a dark past #and I feel like so many groomers are going to use this to isolate vulnerable lgbt kids bcuz “found families are apart of queer culture” #which is true since a lot of us were kicked out of our families but I see a lot of gen z kids feeling like they missed out on some queer #experience and like no having your support system be other fucked up people all around your age is Not Ideal and you shouldn't run away wit #stranger you meet online because mommy doesn't understand what pangender means #tldr: found families irl are for people with no other options #appreciate your own family imperfect as they may be.

[aliatori]

you can tell I’m neurodivergent and anxious af by the way I am out here romanticizing eye contact in all my writing, like it is some mystical, magical, actual window-into-the-soul shit

#meanwhile I am out here and could not tell you the eye colour #of most of my closest people #because I am forever avoiding it like the plague #I am still in stealth mode at my new job #but I was like ‘oh god please don’t ask me to look you in the eye and do anything #‘i literally have to coach myself and count seconds in my head whenever I make eye contact already’ #what is fiction for if not idealizing the things you find difficult and aspirational irl #co-signed for being on the ace spectrum yet writing the HORNIEST shit for fun #qliatori

[zackcrazyvalentine]

Just recently I came to terms with what I'd like any future romantic-leaning relationship of mine to be like....

AND NOW MY BRAIN FUCKING TURTURES ME WITH CUTE FLUFFY SHIT

AND SOCIAL MEDIA TOO, IT BOMBARDS DOMESTIC SHIT AND FLUFFY SHIPS MY WAY

MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOP 😭😭😭 IT'S ENOUGH YEARNING WITH THE SHIPS, I DON'T NEED TO DAYDREAM STUFF INVOLVING MY ACTIAL FUCKING SELF 😭😭😭

#I HAD NEVER DAYDREAMED INVOLVING MYSELF #like my actual person what i really look like irl #it's always a caricature idealized self of anon looking silhouette #I'm going to cry my stupid motherfucking brain is actualy conspiring against me #THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS #should've never come to terms with this aaaaaaa :'( #random ramblings

[vintageseawitch]

it's funny to me how certain hyperfixations seem to start: all of a sudden, like a damn avalanche, because my new extremely passionate obsession with Lucius Malfoy has kind taken me by surprise - not necessarily because i've been okay with him being portrayed as pure evil or truly redeemed or completely ridiculous or just out for himself in fic (any if these worked since other characters were my main focus anyways), but rather because he's blond lmao

#i like my shades of grey favs having dark hair #glob irl i'd punch him in the throat #but in certain fic goodness GRACIOUS #truly the definition of a dirty little secret lmao #better post it on tumblr then #think of me as you will but please remember he is FICTIONAL #he does NOT reflect my real life ideals and opinions #i can do what i want with him in my writing anyways #you can't deny that he's pretty amusing lmao #i'm not forgetting his atrocities but also #i truly believe he loves his family and that's so dang soft #lucius malfoy #the contrast of him with Severus? whether as friends or lovers? #*chef's kiss* #glob i want to tease him so badly lmao #anyways thank you for reading

[diluc33rpm]

1/2 Would you change your appearance if you could?

yeah, honestly, i just think i really need to look like this in life

#wow uh i'll take $500 for loaded questions then #i guess being a shapeshifter would be the ultimate ideal but that's mainly just our circumstance and less specific on how *i* wanna look #i dunno i've always felt pretty disconnected from our physical appearance so while i don't like? mind it? #(and it is hot let's be real) #i don't especially identify with it or think about it often so it's weird for me when people perceive me as it directly #like girl what is a selfie. what's the mirror. oh that's some guy #it feels like a vrchat avatar to me like yeah i'm in that pic i GUESS and it looks cool but it's not anything i feel like i am very much #if i were to have my own looks with no irl consequence it'd be mooore or less how i depict myself in picrews #i.e slightly taller long hair a bimbo but like in a goth way #and if the question applies to Trans Stuff at all then gimme the whole nine yards. thank god for boy sauce existing irl #i don't normally care but whenever i notice it i have deep distaste for existing in a body with an anime schoolgirl build #the suffering from success meme but it's to do with not having a flat ass

[daz4i]

you ever get genuinely upset abt the most silly things. like i can't even type it up from how silly i feel abt getting this upset 😐

#i wish i didn't have social anxiety and wasn't fat and ugly so i could live my ideal life 😔 <- delusional #honestly maybe even being alloro and having lower standards would've got me through some of the stages needed for it. #and it's silly. it's a very silly ideal life. it's only a fantasy. i don't think it's particularly achievable irl even #but i want it so bad . and I'm so mad that i can't have it to the point i wanna die. this is abnormal yes i am very aware #(in a 'well ik i could never have my ideal life so what's even the point of living' bc I'm such an all or nothing typa girl.)

[omegapheromone]

Finally managed to fall asleep despite my hypersensitivity and little emotional distress temper tantrum. I feel like I was run over by the damn toxic gossip train, my body feels all limp and like a ragdoll today, like sleep never really left me fully. At least I'm not as hypersensitive anymore but I'm somehow still upset and sad over my nest struggles last night

#I still don't know what the issue was because there legitimately was no crumbs/debris/whatever on my bed at all #I did end up tearing up last night and I still vaguely feel like crying even though it's all in the past and such a small thing anyway #by the way I should clarify that this is not me pms'ing irl or anything. this came out of nowhere #first being silly over some fictional men (more than usual at least) and evaluating them for who has the most ideal mate characteristics #like a true gremlin of an omega #and also being like. pathetically thirsty for them but let's not talk about that part it's already embarrassing enough #and then after that sort of cleared up I got thrown into the silliest mood swing of a century. getting freaked out and upset because of #how overly sensitive I was and how it felt like there were crumbs in my nest put me into severe distress somehow #now I'm simply tired and feeling like a marionette with its strings cut #all limp and slack and feeling weak and tired and emotionally drained to the point where I just want to curl into myself and hide #I feel like I want to keep everyone away from me and hiss but it also feels like I have no energy or will to do so #so I feel vulnerable and upset and on some level really angry and annoyed at myself for being Like This #gamietxt #heat 🌡