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#TOLK Man live blogs
Legolas: “So it’s a drinking game?”
Gimli: *100% thinks he has this in the bag*
Thranduil: *an alcoholic*
Mirkwood: *throws parties and raves weekly*
Legolas: “time to make my father proud”
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Gimli: *chilling in Denethor’s chair seeming to give no fucks*
Gimli: “Look out upon the battlefield. You see there? That is where my fucks were. My last fuck was Legolas.” (“He will also be my next.”)
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Lord of the Rings except they have cellphones
Headcanons GO!
Some of mine:
roaming charges apply to the fellowship a lot
the service in Moria is shockingly amazing
Legolas will leave people on read
Merry and Pippin have a language entirely based in emojis
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Frodo @bilbo: I’m not like you
Me: wtf are you talking about? You’re just as gay! The difference is Bilbo’s type is gorgeous emotionally constipated dwarves while yours is himbo hobbits
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Gandalf: The rule of Gondor was given over to lesser men
Me: EXCUSE!!! Faramir and Boromir are both great men! How dare!!
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Frodo: *flasher opens shirt*
Gimli: mithril
Delerious: Bilbo’s wedding present!!
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Frodo is in Shelob’s lair and I’m like it’s chill bro she’s a sexy woman you’ll be fine
Thank you Shadow of War for apparently turning me into a monster fucker
Side note: Talion should have fucked Shelob if only to piss off Celebrimbor
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Thinking on it, Joke Karen Rowling definitely copied Tolkien’s Dead Marshes when she made the pond in the cave in the 6th book of HP
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Bilbo: “celebrate a simple life”
Me: bilbo, my buddy, my pal, you have not had a simple life. You banged a dwarf king. That ain’t a simple life
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It’s the final show down between Aragorn’s forces and the forces of Mordor and I’m just like wondering about Ratbag. Did he hang back? Did he hide when the call to arms was raised? Is he there planning to fight on the side of the race of men? Is he near the Nazguls trying to look after Talion even after what was once Talion is no more?
I NEED ANSWERS!!!
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Elrond: *being manipulative to get Arwen to go into the undying lands and be immortal forever*
Us: Yo Elrond that’s kind of a dick move
Me: well, he was raised by Feanorians so I mean it tracks
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Us: Wait for it wait for it
Aragorn: *kicks helmet and breaks toe* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
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I love when Sam drops the seasoning salt and Frodo catches it and ends up falling because of it and Sam has a hot minute of “oh god I killed Frodo over some salt”
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Me: *calmly watching the Ring Wraiths attack the hobbits after certain single brain cell owners made food*
Me: *remembers the ending to shadow of war*
Me: NOOOO Talion baby! Talion might be one of them! Aragorn don’t hurt Talion! He was like you !
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“The dead do not suffer the living”
“You will suffer me”
SUFFER ME NOW
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Honestly Sméagol killing Déagol was probably the first and only hobbit on hobbit murder that wasn’t sass related
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