#THERE ARE A LOT OF BAD FEELING IN MY SUBCONSCIOUS AND i am not dealing with them kyuki i am scared ki it will get bad and also just idk what | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ew-selfish-art · 7 months

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DpxDc AU: Tim as a child was never given a lot of information regarding the scribbling messy handwriting that appeared over night all over his arms- naturally he came to his own conclusions.

Tim Drake was home entirely alone at 9 years old and was about to go out for the night to test his brand new long exposure camera lens when he sees the writing on his arm. It’s not English, like he assumed it was at first, but it was using the alphabet to represent… Tim isn’t bad at math but this formula is complex for his little genius brain.

Looking at his camera, he decides he can spare a moment to look it up, solve it, and get back out into old town Gotham in time for Batman and Robin’s final patrol lap. He does just that, finding the problem to relate to some aerospace engineering and then quickly deduces what laws and theorems need to be applied. He finds a pen, writes down his findings in much neater handwriting onto his arm, and goes out. It’s barely a remarkable night at all. He gets a much more memorable photo of Robin roundhouse kicking a hench person.

Things just continued on that way. Tim would find some complex math, physics or chemistry prompt on his arm (surrounded by various question marks or notes or sad faces)- he’d answer it as best he could and move on with his life. Perhaps his parents were manifesting these pop quizzes? Perhaps his subconscious felt guilty about abandoning his studies for more Bat related pursuits? Tim really didn’t care to think much about it once he became Robin- there was too much on his plate and too many peoples problems for him to fix.

Notably, however, after the attack at the Tower, the pop quiz appeared and Tim wrote back that he wouldn’t be able to find an answer to this one. It was the only time Tim questioned the markings appearance and it was because the next thing that appeared was “Hope you feel better soon.”

… his parents wouldn’t include that on a pop quiz. Cursed then. Tim decided it must be a curse, whatever, he’d deal with the implications later in life.

Tim then has the worst year of his life, hes 15, no longer Robin and the questions from his curse are getting less math oriented and more… philosophical. A lot of mentions of death that, in hindsight helped him actually grieve, and a lot of theories about dark matter and souls. Tim answers back as best he can but he’s drained and his answers aren’t very good in his opinion. He gets minimal feedback.

It all comes to a point that he’s at a family dinner, Bruce is at the head of the table, Jason has promised just to stay for dessert, Damian hasn’t thrown a single insult his way and Steph was laughing at him- when a new theoretical model appears on his arm.

“You’re just as bad as Bruce, Timberly. Hiding a soulmate from all of us, how fucking typical.” Jason points out, while watching Tim scribble back some math with a question mark onto his arm.

“A what? No, this is just a curse. I get pop quizzes every now and then.” Tim bats away Steph who rapidly approaches and began to analyze his arm (the rest of the family isn’t far behind).

“Drake. Explain how you came to this conclusion.” Damian seems more curious than anything, if his lack of insults was anything to go off of.

“Since I was young I’ve had at least weekly math check ins, I never had a parent or anyone else around so I assumed my parents had me cursed to ensure I stayed on top of my studies. Sometimes it’s physics or chemistry, for a while there it was a ton of philosophy and behavioral psychology.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“Master Tim, I believe the lack of adults in your life has led you towards a false conclusion. That is most certainly a soulmate mark. The individual to whom you are responding is undoubtedly your other half.” Alfred attempts to calm the room before explaining to Tim. Tim isnt sure if he believes the butler, though Alfred only very rarely lied, so he grabs the pen once more. He writes his first question back: “Who am I to you?”

The room waits in anticipation and within moments a brand new line appears on Tim’s arm and he is vindicated: “We do math together???”

——

The reason Danny is failing English is because his built in homework helper sucks ass at metaphors and has apparently never read any classic literature. The tutor on his arm is great at puzzles and math tho.

Danny gets a reply back one night that he wasn’t expecting (Who am I to you?) and he mentions it to Jazz. Who goes insane that Danny didn’t even question it and just went with “meh, probably haunted” as his explanation for the phenomenon for all these years.

Apparently, if Jazz was right, he had a soulmate who was uh, super fucking smart. That was an overwhelming thought.

The next day Danny is in crisis mode and writes back “Wait, WHAT AM I TO YOU??? Can I help on your homework??”

Danny gets vindicated when the writing on his arm presents a shit ton of dates and information for an unsolved Gotham cold case. See, Haunted.

———

Eventually between Danny becoming the top candidate for astrophysics at Wayne Enterprises and Tim Drake being outed as having contributed tips to the GCPD that solved cold cases- they meet and realize just how dumb they’ve been.

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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ARGHHH DELETE LATER AGAIN

#i feel very bad for pushing ppl away #but idk i just can't seem to be open and honest like i used to be #n then i also just feel so bad bcs i think i'm 'too sad' on tumblr n all #too quiet too withdrawn too closed off #i wish i was less slow. i wish i cld just stop overthinking bcs it doesn't do any good #and yet i know this is no good but. i just can't. /do it/#'my ideals don't match with reality / that certain helplessness and mental block that you feel you can't do anything about it'#'and a certain general anxiety / uncertainty / doubt that accompanies it in the things you used to really believe in'#'( which you're torn apart with as well bcs your thoughts contradict each other )'#'and you're not sure how are you meant to achieve what you want and you're just left nervous and afraid'#'stuff like that which i think and write a lot to myself'#'the same things i ^^ a lot for years so i'm used to dealing w it'#'just one of those days where it feels especially overwhelming bcs there's too much to write abt'#'i think i've been subconsciously drifting and distancing myself from ppl for a while now'#'( n i want to be heard and understood. i want to be vulnerable n authentic )'#i wonder how many times i've wrote about that #like even back in 2021; 'to cry to rant n vent to someone but what's stopping me? am i afraid?'#maybe the loneliness ( the darkness i drown myself in ) is what's stopping me from reaching out to the light #n then i can't help but also just worry for others #so when i'm struggling like this w myself i get extra quiet n #it's like i'm drowning in a glass cage. i can't reach out to others to help them bcs they're outside #n if others wanted to help me then. from my perspective #i feel like they'll get hurt as well. i really don't want that #n so it's an endless cycle i can't get myself out of bcs my thoughts are contradicting in a somewhat balanced way #'pain for me is always accompanied with comfort joy with sorrow they coexist for me. as goes light so goes darkness'#how i cope isn't really the healthiest but w how generally overwhelmed i am all the time. it's just. draining #n then like i love rambling like this but i'm tired of just writing it out to myself. i may be quiet but i'm an open person #of course there are also many things i just keep to myself but. i wish i could properly share and relate even a fraction of my thoughts #then i'm not rlly sure what i can do bcs this is a cycle for me. i'm like this now then the next moment i'm fine. n it's just tiring #i probably just need more sleep ykkk my sleep sched has been fucked for over a year now n i've been v sleep-deprived for the past 2 weeks ><

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ecoamerica · 14 days

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Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

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samkerrworshipper · 7 months

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Medication - Leah Williamson

fluff, little bit of angst, anxiety attacks, mentions of depression, 3500 words

balled my eyes out to black fridays by tom odell and then this was birthed.

blurb:

your a rookie on the lionesses squad, who suffers from anxiety and when you stop taking your meds after learning you are starting a game in the euros everything goes downhill for you.

i am so sorry for how vague this was lol i’m writing this and publishing at 2:30 in the morning

I’d never liked gamedays. Everything felt different, all the feelings and emotions heightened. The pressure was insurmountable, especially when you are playing for your nation. Especially when you are one of the youngest, one of the least experienced, one of the youngsters. Today, we were playing Norway, my first game as a Lioness where I was a part of the starting line-up. It was a must win game, the stakes were high for us to win these Euro’s, especially considering it was a home euro’s for us. If we wanted to progress to the finals we couldn’t lose, the pressure was on.

I’d understood that as soon as I’d been notified that I was to start the match, understood that everything changed as soon as you were actually on the pitch. Our one point win over Austria had been great, but we were all hungrier for more, hungrier for the points that we needed to get us ahead in the competition. Sarina knew that there was an expectation for us to win, we all knew that.

I’d been feeling it all week, feeling the anxiety thrumming through my veins as we practised and went about our normal routine for the week. Something was different, it was my first year as a senior Lioness and I’d never been named as a starter. That was a big deal, a really big deal. That was all I could think about. What if I fucked it up? What if I messed up and they told me that I wasn’t going to be welcome back. What if Sarina saw me on the pitch and thought that I was worthless, useless, bad. That was all I could think about as we were standing in the tunnel getting ready to walk out. I was sandwiched in between Lucy and Beth. My hands shaking in my pockets and my breath quickening subconsciously. If I wasn’t aware of it then apparently the defender behind me was, because just as we were about to walk out I felt one of her hands fall to my shoulder, pulling me back into her just enough for her to be able to press her mouth to my ear and whisper,

“You’ve got this amore, you’re going to do perfectly fine,” Lucy’s voice was so strong, but so comforting. She was like an older sister to me, and had been since my first day at training camp. She had been the first person to believe in me besides my Arsenal teammates, the first person to really advocate for my future. She was also the first person on the Lionesses team besides Leah to learn about my struggles with anxiety, adhd and depression. She’d been a light in my life, texted me to make sure I was keeping up with my medication, or just to check in.

In the wake of the Euro’s I’d stopped taking my anxiety meds. I took Lorazepam, which worked really well for me, but it also tended to make me really drowsy and fatigued. Things that are not ideal when you are training and playing almost everyday for your country. It had positive effects, I definitely found it a lot easier to train and play my hardest, but there were a lot of negatives. Like how I was feeling right now. Like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, my hands getting clammy with sweat and shaking non stop like I’d just shot up on steroids. The sound of the crowd at Brighton didn’t help either as we walked out onto the pitch. I struggled to get through the national anthem and the pre game pleasantries, my chest and body hurting from the anxiety that was building up inside of my body.

I was grateful but also not to step out on the pitch properly. It felt like I was on a different planet, my senses overly heightened and my brain short circuiting almost everything.

I could feel Leah’s gaze on me as we all lined up to start the game, she worried about me, a lot. I was also her Arsenal teammate and she’d taken me under her wing beyond football, we’d become very close in our time spent together. I ignored her sidewards glances though, tasking myself with showing our nation that I deserved to be where I was and some jitters weren’t going to affect that.

My first half was rocky, normally with the mixture of adrenaline and endorphins my anxiety subsided when I started playing but this time I must have been too far gone, too much pent up anxiety built up for it to just fade away. It reflected in how I was playing, but our forwards had been flawless, slotting in six goals which put us in a lead that was pretty much untouchable. Clambering into the rooms at halftime was a charade. Everyone besides myself seemed ecstatic and hyped about our lead, I was on the inside but I was also wrapped up in my own bubble. I took a seat on the floor of the change rooms, taking in Serena’s speech about keeping our heads and just continuing what we were doing. I allowed Lucy to pass me a drink bottle, obliging her request for me to hydrate myself. She could tell something was up, she’d been hovering around me on the pitch, covering me. When one of the Norwegian girls had taken my feet out from under me she had immediately been at my side, pulling me up and then yelling at the umpire about how it had clearly been a foul if not a yellow. Leah had to pull her away just to ensure Lucy wouldn’t get carded herself, all whilst I stood there absolutely helpless as result of the amount of effort I was having to put into not collapsing from the amount of pain in my chest.

Leah kept it pretty brief after Serena, sticking to what she’d said and putting an emphasis on a few things before we headed back out. She managed to snag a grip on my jersey though as I trailed with the girls at the back of the group.

“Are you okay?” There was a little bit of captain in it, but it was mostly gentle, her voice a little bit rugged from the amount of yelling she’d done on the field.

“I’m fine.” Her facial expression was enough to tell me she didn’t believe a word I was saying.

“I’m telling Serena to sub you off, you clearly don’t look well enough to be playing.”

“I told you I feel fine Cap, I can play out the rest of the 90, please let me play it out.”

Leah looked conflicted, conflicted with what to do and how to react to my plea. I wasn’t one who begged very often, I didn’t see the point in it.

“Fine but y/n, as soon as anything happens out there, you put yourself in danger or someone else in danger you are going off, understood?”

I didn’t have any other option but to nod at Leah.

“Yes, captain.”

My voice had held some sarcasm as I tore her hand from the bottom of my jersey and started jogging back up the tunnel to catch up with girls that I’d previously been chatting to.

The last ten minutes of the second half was when bad transitioned to really not good. My body began to catch up with my over exertion and every second on the field became a battle. It was a blessing that the ball wasn’t really travelling down my end, Less and Toony had both been substituted in and were having a field day in our forward half kicking it back and forth to run the clock down. The Norwegian girls were giving it their best but you could tell they knew it was over. As the minutes passed though and we went into extra time I could feel my body really starting to get heavier, you could blame it on the lack of hydration and the english heat that we were playing in but I knew it was my body betraying me. I’d been denying my body for too long and it was catching up with me. I didn’t even know how many minutes of extra time we had, my vision was slowly blurring, my steps becoming wobbly and the pain in my chest becoming overbearing.

I could hear my opponent, I think it was Maren, or was it Guro? Asking me if I felt alright. I didn’t really comprehend it though, I couldn’t hear anything properly, it felt like I was underwater, my ears ringing out and my vision blacking over as I fell face first into the turf. Maren managed to catch me before I fully face planted into the grass, helping my limp form down to the ground before starting to yell out for help. It was then of course that the whistles blew and the match ended. I could make out the sounds of the crowd going nuts, maybe even my teammates on the sidelines yelling in triumph. I couldn’t open my eyes though and I definitely couldn’t make out the voice of Maren on the ground beside me trying to ask me questions and attract the attention of a medic. It was all mellowed out as my body succumbed to a coma like state that I’d forced myself into.

Leah and Lucy were the first two from my own team to locate me, passed out on the ground with Maren trying to provide as much privacy for me as possible whilst also pressing her hand to my throat to make sure that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. It was Maren, Guro had been subbed off at the 84’ minute mark. I remembered that because I’d silently been wishing at the time that Serena would do the same, but she’d made her final changes and taking me off apparently hadn't been one of them.

“Y/n, can you open your eyes for me? Or squeeze my hand?”

I could feel Leah’s own hand fall into mine and I squeezed it as best as I could, it was enough for me to tell her that I was conscious enough to make out what she was saying to me.

“Good y/n/n, the medics are about to be here, can you try and open your eyes and talk for me?”

I tried my hardest to crack my eyes open, when I did finally muster up the will to open one of them I was met with the brightness of the stadium lights. I groaned almost immediately, being forced to take in my surroundings. I was surrounded by our trainers, who were draping different towels over my body in an attempt to cool me down and cover me. My cleats had been removed from my feet and someone was soaking my socks in cold water, something that I was not pleased to be awakened by.

“Good sweetheart, stay focused on me yeah, eyes on me.”

My eyes snapped back up to Leah, who was crouched above my head, Serena and Lucy’s heads were beside her own, staring down at me.

“The medics are going to come look at you and you are going to let them, okay?”

I almost immediately shook my head at Leah but she kept her jaw clenched and her stern face up.

“I’m not asking y/n, you just passed out on the field, you need to be assessed.”

I shook my head again and Leah rolled her eyes at me.

“An-n-xiety.”

I could hardly make out my own words in the stadium full of noise and the words themselves made me realise how much I was struggling to regulate my own breaths.

Leah nodded knowingly, suddenly everything seemed to come into perspective for her.

“You stopped taking your medication, didn’t you?”

I gulped and nodded at her, trying to block out all of the distractions that were happening around me. She looked annoyed at me, I cowered a little bit with the glare that she was giving me. After the last time I went on a sabbatical from my medication I swore to Leah I would never do it again.

As the medics crouched down next to me I shut my eyes again, it all becoming too much for my head. I let the medics fuss over me, I blacked out somewhere in between them putting me on a stretcher and getting me off the pitch.

I reawakened with sweat dripping down my body, all of the oxygen depleting from my body and my chest aching like it never had before. I choked a little bit as I sat up from my spot, gasping for air to enter my lungs. It took me a few seconds to recognise where I was, sitting inside the makeshift medical room at Brighton. My head was pounding and my whole body was aching.

“Y/n, look at me, you're having an anxiety attack, deep breaths.”

“Wh-what.” The words came out in a gasp as I struggled to take in any air, looking at Leah for guidance.

“We’re at Brighton, we just played Norway, you had an anxiety episode on the pitch. You’re having an attack right now, I need you to take deep breaths, follow me, in and out.”

I watched Leah as she exaggerated some deep breaths, if it hadn't been for the circumstance I probably would have laughed at her.

As I slowly started to take in more air she tried a different tactic.

“Good y/n/n, your doing so well my good girl. Can you tell me five things you can see?”

It was deflection, something that Leah had picked up on from her therapist.

“Serena, you, the light, Lucy and a drink bottle.”

Leah nodded at me encouragingly, rubbing slowly up my back as she continued.

“Good, you’re doing so well, how about four things you can feel?”

“Your breath, the scratchy blanket, my wet socks and I don’t know.”

My words were still choken as I used up whatever oxygen I was taking in to get the words out.

“That’s okay, that’s good, you are doing so well for me angel, how about three things you can hear?”

I tried to focus fully on Leah, on her words, her rubbing my back, her breath against my neck.

“Serena tapping her shoe, the heart monitor and the music from the changeroom.”

It was faint but if you focused in enough you could just hear the sound of my teammates in the change rooms, getting up to god knows that with the absence of their captain and manager.

“Perfect, you are doing absolutely perfectly. How about two things you can smell?”

“Antiseptic and your perfume.”

“Good, last one, one thing you can taste.”

I could feel my breath and body evening itself out, it felt like I was a piece of linen that was slowly but surely being ironed out, all of the crinkles and creases leaving my body.

“I don’t know.”

“Last one y/n, I know you can do it.”

“Metal, the iron taste from blood.”

Leah nodded at me, plastering a kiss on my forehead. Her words and actions being enough to bring me back down to earth fully. I very slowly took in my surroundings properly, Serena, Lucy and Keira were all sitting at the end of my bed, watching as Leah did her thing. I was hooked up to a few different things, cords and wires poking out of my extremities. A saline drip, heart monitor and another machine that I wasn’t sure the purpose of.

“Hey my girl, you back here with us now?”

I pushed my head into Leah’s chest, trying to hide from the world that I was now a participating member of.

“No hiding, not here,”

I groaned as Leah pushed me out of her chest, annoyed by the loss of contact and the confrontation of having to be put in front of some of the people I respected most.

“You gave us a fright back there, I think you came close to killing Maren.”

I gulped nervously, hanging onto every word that left Serena’s mouth, just bobbing my head in agreement because what else was I supposed to do.

“M’ sorry, didn’t mean to, just wanted to prove that I deserved to be here.”

Serena’s face held a kind of understanding, like she’d seen girls before me who had been the same, willing to die to prove their worth to the dutchwoman who we all regarded so highly.

“You wouldn’t be here in the first place if you didn’t deserve to be. It’s one thing to push yourself but to the point where you black out on the field is another thing. If it ever happens again y/n y/l/n then I can swear to you now that you will be benched, am I understood.” I nodded meekly at Serena,

“Yes ma’am.”

She nodded at me, she’d gotten her point across.

“Leah tells me this happened as a result of you not taking your medication?”

I pushed my head back into Leah’s chest, grunting at her when she pushed me out of it. I couldn’t do much else but nod at Serena.

“I get side effects ma’am, it makes me drowsy and sleepy, I didn’t want it to affect my game.”

Serena was very quick to fire back at me,

“You take medication to ensure that you feel well, there is no shame in that. If you are having a problem with side effects then you are to bring it up with one of our doctors, not boycott your medication entirely. From now on I am going to be responsible for your medication, you will come to me everyday to take it so I can ensure that you are receiving the correct doses so something like this does not occur again, is that understood?”

I gulped and nodded at Serena. She smiled at me knowingly in return.

“You are an elite athlete y/n, it is imperative that you care for your body. Or something like this happens, something with such magnitude that it can’t be overlooked. Your health and wellbeing comes first, always.”

I nodded at Serena once again, allowing her to give me a hug before leaving the room to give us some privacy. As soon as the door closed behind her I shed a few tears, I hated confrontation, it was one of my biggest fears.

“She’s right y’know, this could have been a lot worse, what if you’d put yourself in a really dangerous position because you were in a bad headspace and ended up seriously injured, you can’t just stop taking your medication randomly y/n, it’s not safe.”

Leah’s voice was murmured against my forehead, her lips staying plastered to the oily and cold skin.

“No one else on the team relies on medication to function, I thought I would be fine, I feel so stupid always being the one having to rely on shit to get through the day.”

I could feel Leah rolling her eyes from above me.

“No one else on the team struggles with intense anxiety and depression like you do, we are all different, we all function differently. There is no shame in needing medication y/n/n, Lucy uses an asthma puffer, does that make her stupid?”

I looked over at Lucy, it was different.

“No but it’s different.”

“How?”

Leah’s answer was fired back at me and I struggled slightly to recover from her sudden reply,

“Lucy has a physical problem, mine’s just in my head.”

“What you went through today seemed pretty physical to me.”

I was stumped by that answer, looking across at Kiera and Lucy who nodded along with what Leah was saying.

“You struggle with your mental health, there is no shame in that. You rely on medication. So what? Good for you for listening to your body and acknowledging that you need that to help you make it through the day. Y/n, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using medication to help you. If I felt sick, with the flu, and I needed antibiotics or whatever, would you think that I was weak for using them?”

I shook my head at Leah almost immediately, the question was a no brainer for me,

“Exactly, because I’d be taking the medication needed to keep me well and functioning. All you are doing is the same thing y/n, keeping yourself alive and well.”

#leah williamson #lionesses #woso #leah williamson x reader #serena wiegman #lucy bronze #fluff #anxiety attacks #medication #angst #i love leah williamson #golden retriever leah vibes #supportive moms #england lionesses x reader #lionesses x reader

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ellecdc · 28 days

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Hellooo, so I see you opened your requests 🥸 I am a new member of the The Marauders fandom and you have been my go to and all time favorite writer. First want to thank you for all the effort you must put in for us goblins. I am also very new to even really interacting on tumblr outside of the anonymous option. So hellooo! Any way onto the request if you ever feel like it, I get horrible migraines and to deal I tend to look really goofy with a compression cap and ice face mask on and during my recent episode I couldn’t help but think about how any of your lovey boys would react to their partner looking crazy with all that gear on 🙃. This is weirdly specific so ignore if it doesn’t sing for you. But thanks again for the art you share!❣️🌿

hi sweets! first of all: WELCOME TO THE MARAUDERS FANDOM!?!? please help yourself to any seat and don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have (there's a lot of complicated shipnames, canon vs. fanon theories to learn). second of all: OMG are you kidding me!? well thank you, that's quite an honour, but feel free to check out these authors I mentioned previously. thirdly: I love you little goblins 😭😭😭😭

also, since you didn't specify which marauders boy - I opted to give you all of the ones (that I write for) as headcanons 🫶

How various Marauders era boys would react to your migraine get-up

James Potter:

he'd open the door to the bedroom to find you laying there, prone in your pain

immediately "oh angel!!!!" causing you to wince in pain and shush him

he'd acquiesce but he'd whimper quietly as if your pain was causing him pain

he'd start flitting around the room: pulling the blackout curtains shut tightly, placing a glass of water and some pain meds beside you

you'd finally have to banish him from the room, though, on account of his various noises (poor dude couldn't manage silence if his life depended on it)

when you started to feel better, however, you'd take the sleep mask off but not the cap and head out to the living space to find James had closed every curtain in the whole flat, he had turned on a humidifier just on the off chance it helps relax you, and started a pot of tea for you

"I've got the hot pack here if you'd like me to warm it up for you?" he'd offer quietly, still looking particularly pained at your sorry state

"Can I just have a hug?" you'd ask pathetically and he'd coo (quietly) and embrace you gently as if you were about to break

"I'm sorry your partner looks so silly when you come home to them." you laughed, thinking about the ice/compression cap you were still wearing

"you've never looked more beautiful"

Sirius Black:

I believe he'd get very nervous to see someone in pain whether it be physically or mentally - but particularly a pain that was mental or internal (like a migraine vs a cut etc) because he wouldn't know how to fix it and he'd feel useless

He would whisper a cautious "hey baby" as he entered and move so slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible "what happened?"

he knows nothing happened, just that you're hurting: but again, he doesn't know how to fix this and he hates it

"What do you need?" he'd ask as he'd lie down cautiously beside you, itching to reach out but not knowing if it would be okay.

"Nothing." you'd mutter, and immediately feel bad for being short with him. "nothing, I'm sorry. just some time." you'd correct, reaching your hand tentatively across the space to touch his hand, which he'd quickly albeit gently take in his own

"okay." he'd say simply

you waited for the bed to move to signal his departure, but he never left.

he just laid there with your hand in his, watching you quietly

you wouldn't notice this in your state, but he was taking dramatic breaths for your benefit: deep breaths in, holding, and deep breaths out, silently encouraging you to align your breathing with his, which you did subconsciously

you'd wake up later in much the same way - him still on his side watching you (or perhaps he fell asleep too) and your hand still in his

he'd apologize to you as if your pain was somehow his fault, but it was because he felt helpless when you needed him

you'd thank him for his help and he'd relax immediately

Remus Lupin:

Remus is no friggen stranger to chronic pain and flare ups

he wouldn't even say anything, he'd just adjust his footing so he made as little noise as possible

he'd gently press a kiss to your shoulder, to make sure you knew he was here (though he knew with your head the way it was, you would have likely heard his keys all the way down the hall of the apartment building

he'd make himself busy in the flat - soup ready for when you woke up, tea ready to be brewed should you want some, lights off, curtains closed

he'd come by in a bit and quietly tell you to sit up, helping you replace your no longer cold ice mask and cap with new ones

you'd pathetically ask him if he would stay and he'd breathe out in relief because really - that's what he's wanted from the beginning

Regulus Black:

"what's this? what happened?" he'd ask urgently, thinking you'd been hurt or something

"sh! I have a migraine" you'd moan back.

he'd make a pitying tsk sound and make for you

totally babying behaviour "what do you need? do you want food? do you want more blankets? less blankets? a new watch? I'm going to order you a new watch"

you'd banish him from the room for the coddling and when you return to the living area later - he will be surrounded by bags because he had gone shopping and returned with the most ridiculous things: clothes, food, jewellery, blankets, pillows

"I didn't know what you might need." He'd say, slightly shy

"I needed a nap, Regulus." you'd laugh.

"well...you deserve all of this anyway."

and then he'd spend the rest of the evening doing low-impact stuff for your head. reading you a book quietly, gentle conversation, maybe run you a bath

bonus! Barty Crouch Jr:

"who did this?" he'd bark as he saw you in the fetal position with your gear on

"christ, Barty. please be quiet"

"what happened?" he'd demand, quieter but no less intense.

"I just have a migraine."

a switch would flip. he'd ready the room for you (curtains, quiet, water, pills, he'd set up a fan pointed at you.)

then he'd sit outside of the door to your flat and violently threaten anyone walking in the hallway if they make so much as a whisper of noise in this flats direction.

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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 9 months

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I’m gonna keep writing Nimona headcanons til someone stops me cause they’ve taken over my life

Ambrosius was forced to suppress his emotions basically his whole life

He used to be one of those guys who would say shit like “I haven’t cried in 15 years”

But not as like a weird subtle brag just as stating a fact which made it more depressing

Once the wall came down it’s like the floodgates opened this man will cry when he’s happy sad angry stressed

You name it he’s crying

And he’s not a pretty crier either which is funny cause there is a whole compilation of “Ambrosius being unreasonably photogenic”

Bal was the typical crybaby growing up

He was constantly bullied for it and it only got worse when he was at the institute

A lot of his classmates and teachers would try and be “helpful” and give him tips to stop crying

Ambrosius was the only one who encouraged him to cry and deal with all his emotions

It’s pretty rare to see Bal cry now but it happens occasionally when he’s sad or stressed or really happy

Seeing Nimona cry is a rare phenomenon

Bal and Ambrosius have only ever seen her cry four times

The first was when they were on Gloreth’s statue at the end of the movie, the second Gloreth’s statue was fully taken down, the third was when the adoption paperwork was finalized and the fourth was their wedding

But she denies it literally every single time

Pinky promises are sacred for the trio

Back when the boys were training they would only make pinky promises about big things

And if they broke those promises there would be big consequences like giving up your dessert for two months

It was a habit that Bal subconsciously passed onto Nimona

The trio never really talked about it but there was a silent mutual understanding that they held weight

The first pink promise Ambrosius ever made was right after Nimona started trusting him and had enough respect for him to hold a conversation without hissing

And he swore that he would never consciously hurt Bal or Nimona again

Nimona made a joke about that being a big promise to make

And Ambrosius said “That’s why it’s a pinky promise”

I feel like Bal and Ambrosius never tried to hide their relationship the kingdom is just stupid

They were highly encouraged by the staff and family to keep it under wraps but they said fuck that noise I wanna hold my boyfriend's hand in public

The fellow knights in training knew something was up but they didn’t figure it out until the wall fell

Todd was the most outspoken when they first started dating he used to go around and tell people “No one looks at their bro like that”

After a while they stopped giving a fuck and they didn’t really have enough time or energy to ask because they were too busy getting their asses handed to them by the boys

A lot of citizens had this weird misconception that they had this heated and bitter rivalry

There were entire articles written about how they were “The rivals of the century”

And the boys would get together and dramatically read every single one of them

Whenever the boys were in a bad mood they would reference the articles like this

“Hey sunshine did you know I joined the institute specifically to dethrone you?” “You know what moonbeam I didn’t but thanks for telling me”

“Bal I just want you to know that I am utterly seething at the cruel defeat by your hand” “Oh I’m so sorry love I’ll make sure to kick your ass nicer next time”

#nimona 2023 #nimona movie #nimona headcanon #nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #these dorks live in my head rent free #which is fucked cause one of them is rich #pay rent if you’re gonna invade my dreams #please I'm begging I'm a broke college student

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gay-dorito-dust · 9 months

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Headcanons for Clive Rosfield with gn s/o reassuring him that he's a good man who does his best to help people despite everything he has gone through, they're proud of him, and they love him so much? With hugs and kisses too!

Clive Rosfield had to be one of, if not the most strongest man you’ve ever met in your life.

Yet you’ve found that the stronger the man, the more broken they seemed to be in due to certain circumstances that happened within their past.

A past that could still be felt to this very day as it clung onto your beloved’s soul, it’s claws digging in deep into him that you worried that you’d deal him more damage if you were to pull them out raw.

You wanted nothing more then to help your exhausted lover and thankfully a time did come where Clive needed your comfort and sweet words and even sweeter reminders the most in the aftermath of a nightmare;

‘What if I’m an omen of death, destined to leave a trail of dead bodies, friends and foes alike in my wake?’ Clive admitted to you under starry skies. Yet despite how ethereal the sight above was…the topic at hand was anything but. ‘What if by the end of this I wouldn’t have had you gravely harmed, whether it’d be by my hand or others because of me.’ He adds sombrely, clutching your hand when he felt it involuntarily twitch.

‘I don’t want to have to watch that day come to pass.’ Clive was whispering now as though if he raised his voice any louder then something awful would take place, and it wouldn’t even matter whether the inherent danger were to take place five minutes from your conversation or even going as far as five weeks.

For as long as Clive could sense danger, he would always on a subconscious have himself somehow incorporated into it one way or another. He truly felt the one to blame for every wrongdoing that was committed no matter the scale of it, he just felt as though all bad things tie back to him in even the most minuscule ways.

‘Clive,’ you gripped his hand tightly, ‘not everything bad is inherently your fault.’ You told him but you weren’t finished yet. ‘You’re a good man, regardless of what the past speaks of your character. You’ve done a whole lot of good since those dark times and done a whole lot of good for the people who felt as though they had no hope to hold onto, Who felt like they too were deserving of the wrongdoings that have happened in their pasts because they felt as though they didn’t deserve better.’ You raised his hand and pressed a dozen kisses against the skin there as you decided to hold his hand close to your chest.

‘You’re a good man Clive Rosfield and I will not stand in hearing you slander yourself on the pretences of lies and falsehoods.’ You said as you tug him closer so you could bring your arms to hold him against you as you began to speak your words against his ebony locks. ‘For the Clive Rosfield I know is a brave, strong man of many talents, and he’s a beautiful man with a gentle, kind and caring heart.’ You felt Clive relax further into you, as though attempting to drown himself in your warmth and your scent with how he noses it’s way from against your collar bone, and upwards until his head is firmly flushed against your neck where he would then find comfort in your pulse point as his eyes began to drift off at the sound of your soothing voice.

A voice Clive would rather die then to never hear again, whispering sweet enchantments that you call encouragement into his ear.

‘And I am proud, so very proud of my Clive that neither words nor any form of expression can begin to accurately convey of the magnitude of how proud I am of him.’ You whispered sweetly, pressed kisses now and then again his hair or any form of exposed warm skin that was within your lips reach to douse in a plethora of kisses, leaving not a spec untouched by your lips, and even as you pulled away, you could feel Clive’s body writhe as it began to desperately miss your lips; considering how determined your beloved seemed to press himself further up against you, you’d think that he was trying to imprint himself onto you in some form of way.

‘His demons may want him to claim otherwise but I wish for him to remember that he isn’t what they say he is, Clive Rosfield isn’t a monster, nor a death omen, but I know my Clive Rosfield and my Clive Rosefield is anything and everything but those words. He’s generous, brave, bold, and yes I do have to admit, a little stubborn and hardheaded.’ You admitted, chuckling as Clive removed his head from your neck to give you a look. ‘But, even though he may often claim that he’s putting me in danger just for loving him.’

You pressed your forehead against his, nudging your nose against his, smiling when he wordlessly reciprocated the action. ‘I’ve never felt more safer then I ever have then within his arms.’ You muttered against his lips before closing the gap and kissing every ounce of love and affection you held for Clive into that kiss in hopes it’d make its way to his soul. Humming in delight as you felt him practically bruise your lips with the force of his kiss that burned with a fierce passion that at some points you felt as though you couldn’t keep up with him.

You knew Clive had a whole lot of love to give to the point where it became overwhelming and consumed every action he did, from the way he protected others, to the way he was currently holding onto you as though you were the last flicker of light in his life; which you might as well be. His grip was firm and strong but while also being gentle and cautious as not to bring you bodily harm, because god knows Clive would never forgive himself if he was the main reason you were hurt, as proven multiple times where you had gotten hurt saving his ass and you’d awaken up with Clive at bedside, holding your hand within his larger and warmer ones; it felt as though your hand was trapped within the depths of a campfire. Comforting and warm.

‘What have I done to deserve you, my love?’ Clive whispered against your lips upon pulling away but consciously choosing to stay within proximity of you in hopes that your words and love would continue to rub off on him like they have for as long as you both been lovers. You smiled, bringing your hands up to his scruffy jaw, enjoying the prickly sensation that kissed the pads of your fingertips deliciously. ‘You were just yourself my star, I was just merely captivated by your beauty and the way you treated others as equals and fell deeply in love ever since.’

‘What about now?’ Clive asked you.

You pecked his lips, ‘I’m still falling my star, I’m still falling.’

#ffxvi imagine #ffxvi imagines #ffxvi x reader #ffxvi x you #clive rosfield x reader #clive rosfield x you #clive rosfield imagines #Clive rosfield imagine #final fantasy x reader #final fantasy x you #final fantasy imagines #final fantasy 16 x reader #final fantasy 16 imagines #final fantasy 16 x you #final fantasy 16 imagine #final fantasy imagine

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soquimic · 6 months

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some things i’ve manifested using the law of assumption —note that i’ve been using it to manifest for years, i was around 8 or 9, so it’s a lot—

1- when i was 8, i remember leaving the church and going home. i really wanted to go to the mall that day because it was almost xmas eve and there’s a lot of activities in my country, i also wanted to see the big xmas tree by the electric stairs. i remember that i affirmed everyday only one affirmation, i didn’t pay attention but lately i realized that ive always been living in the end and didnt realize because my affirmation stated the desire already fulfilled. i affirmed the whole day, i even went to the backyard and looked at the sky as if i was talking with god or something similar. i started affirming around 11 am and by 5 pm my mom was getting ready and i asked her “where are you going?” and she literally told me: i received your school grades, they are all good for me so im taking you to the mall. i lived happily the whole week because i thought that was my first encounter with god or something 😂😂

2- this was in my freshman or sophomore year, i really cant remember the time really well in this one but i do remember that my friend and i had fought and i was really scared because he ignored me everyday and we used to be really close so i reminded my subconscious everyday for like 3 days straight that they were not mad, they were just dealing with stuff or busy (yeah the gaslighting 😘😘) and nah, by day 4 he talked to me again and everything was back to normal like nothing happened.

3- food. yes, the thing i manifest the most is food because i adore eating. i used to live with the assumption: my mom is bringing me chocolate/cheesecake or pizza from work today. EVERY WEEK. and it would happen, i got used to it and stopped assuming random things that had to do with food.

i cant remember any other one, dementia patient right here 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

as for my recent ones, ive got a bunch. im a very anxious person and tbh manifesting before was way easier than now. the pressure is killing me but i still managed to manifest stuff from 2021 to this day.

1- a boyfriend. yes, i manifested a boyfriend around april 2021. i didnt go into detail but he had everything i was looking for + he was amazing (at first ofc), he later changed and i had to start attending to therapy sessions cause i got diagnosed and im still traumatized. i forgot to script the loyalty part… so yeah he definitely did cheat and gaslit me. but he made me feel amazing while it lasted. we broke up around 2 months ago and we had 2 years together. i didnt manifest the break up, he did. which is good. the universe sent me signs cause days later after the break up i found out messages and stuff of him cheating the same week of the break up.

2- i manifested for my attachment to go away. note: im the type of person to get attached emotionally to people, i was emotionally depending on my ex, so as soon as we broke up i had a dream where somebody told me to just go out the day after and spoil myself. buy whatever i want and spend some money cause i was working so hard to buy the flight to go and see him. 4 days later when i found out he was with another person i cried in my way to work and i was feeling so well that day that i literally did my hair and makeup but it got smudged :(( but that was the last and first time i cried over him after everything was over. next day i woke up feeling positive and i suddenly let everything go. bad people eventually get what they deserve in life so i just got over it and im not attached to him or the old story anymore!!

3- i manifested new friends plus i contacted my old friends back. most of them were in bad terms with me cause i blocked them out of nowhere because of my ex, everything was so messed up but they forgave me and they are very good friends after all, they text me and hype me up every day so i cannot be more grateful :D

4- i manifested my sp :D after these 2 months i thought to myself: if that person could move on, you can too. so i did, although my sp and me are not fully prepared for a relationship rn, we’re both aware of our mutual attraction and promised to give us time until we were both fully healed 🫶🏻

5- MONEYYYYYY. yeah it sounds like im too ambitious when it comes to money but im soooo silly. i spend everything i get plus i need to pay for my own stuff at school. i dont like bothering my parents with my expenses —even though they are supposed to provide for me but i feel like a problem when i do that so—, i manifested money like 4 times this year??? first, my parents never give me more than 100 for my birthday and all of a sudden they gave me 500$??? i even posted about it my happiness was out of the roof. i went to the cinema w my friends to watch an anime movie that got released on my birthday yayayaya. later, i started working and got like 1,200 in the summertime and now i manifested more money this week TO SAVE. i literally by assuming got into the void and manifested a bag full of money. i wont stfu about it IM AMBITIOUS in a good way with money, i need to move out and start building my future (bro im still 17 😔)

6- clothes and makeup. uMmm im not a fan of makeup tbh buttttt i wanted to have some in case one day i decide to put some on, my skin has always been clear and pretty, my lashes are super long and my eyebrows are really thick so i only worry about doing a perfect lip combo. i got a box and 2 bags full of makeup <3 especially makeup of my favorite brands 😙😙😙 i also was able to buy clothes online very similar to the ones that i had on my pinterest boards ^^ but i kinda forgot to buy shoes.. BFFR 😭😭😭 ive been repeating the same 5 shoes, but im gonna buy some new ones soon!!

7- colognes and jewelry 😘😘😘😘😘 yes, im a fan of these too!! my dad gave me a box full of earrings and rings. but not any kind of earrings, LONG AND BIG EARRINGS W UNUSUAL DESIGNS just how i like them. and some cute rings w rabbit, figures, etc. the colognes smell really well!! i got the nicki minaj perfume in all versions, dior colognes and a box with like 8 different types of victoria’s sprays 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

8- a good school year. its only been a month but ive made friends and i find a lot of people WHO SUDDENLY KNOW ME, waving at me in the hallways and im like OH YEAH HI even tho idk who they are?? it feels so goodddddd i feel like an it girl omg 😭😭😭 and also my grades are MAGNIFIC, i got accepted in our honors program and im currently a staff cadet in our military program I DID NOT EVEN KNOW IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO ACQUIRE A HIGH RANK HERE BUT I DID ITTTT I DID ITTTT IM LEADING :D

yeah i cant remember more but thats all i’ve accomplished so far, see u dont need the void to fucking manifest 🥱🥱🥱🥱 gurllll-

#law of assumption #manifestation #affirmations #void state #manifesting #success story

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twilightrocksfanfic · 1 year

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reid x reader confess their feelings

summery: takes place right after 6x10 where the team was joined by a young agent whom Spencer thought was pretty (Garcias words) and BAU reader was jealous and wants to apologize. While reader believes Spencer to be entirely aware of her feelings she says a lot of things that confuse Spencer, because, turns out, he had no idea

information: fluff, use of she/her pronouns but reader could be gender neutral, I wrote this in the middle of the night (my head hurts) so I can’t guarantee quality at this time

authors note: so apparently I write for criminal minds now. I am currently obsessed with this show and Spencer Reid specifically so there might be more in the next few days. Twilight content will still be coming because that is my main hoe but its fun to do other things on the side.

pls let me know if you have any constructive feedback.

----------------------------------------------

You found Spencer, with his feet up on a table, in the conference room. He was running his finger over the pages of a battered book, whilst looking over at a file on the desk.

He was totally lost in his work and for a second you stood and admired him.

“Hey Spence, you got a minute?” He looked up at you, momentarily startled. He looked back down on the page, flipped it over after a second and then closed the book without putting a bookmark in. He would find that page again and you knew it.

“Yes sure, what’s up?” He had taken his feet of the table and was now leaning forward, resting his elbows on it.

You closed the door behind you and, with closed eyes, took a deep breath. You had headed for a chair but when you touched its back you decided against sitting down. You needed all the confidence you could get.

“I uh, I’m sorry, about the way I acted when we were out.” You could feel yourself staring at him, subconsciously analyzing every muscle that moved on his face he raised an eyebrow.

“I was jealous and unprofessional and above all I was a bad friend, and I’m sorry for that.” You pulled your face into a grimace, that was supposed to be a smile but you felt that it really wasn’t that, so you willed your muscles to relax again.

Spencer got up now. You had no idea why and he just looked at you for what felt like minutes. Then he started to pace. He was always pacing when he needed to think without getting distracted by himself.

“What are you talking about?” He turned back to face you, and, in his face, you could read nothing but confusion.

“The way I treated you, and Ashley, I’ll apologize to her, it just didn’t feel right you know, but I will and I- Spencer you’re important to me and your happiness is important to me and I sometimes forget that, that might mean that I have to compromise myself a little bit and I am sorry.”

He was pacing again but you knew he was listening. The way he always listened. You trusted that he knew your apology was sincere and tried to live with the silence while he figured out what to say.

After a minute or two he came to a halt, raising his hand as if pointing at something, although he did not really point. He opened his mouth and closed it again almost immediately looking almost confused at his own behavior.

“What are you working out right now?”

“I’m still caught up on the jealous part to be honest.” That startled you.

“I mean I know that I usually deal really well with my feelings and honestly I was surprised, not in a good way, by how much you flirting with her bothered me and I didn’t check in with myself before, I just freaked out and... why are you making me tell you all of this” you ended your rant looking up at him.

He took a step towards you, raising his hands as if to touch you and then lowering them again.

“Spencer, what is going on?”

“You like me?” He looked so genuinely confused that this was the first time, ever, really, that you even considered that he was oblivious to your feelings. That he genuinely thought that Garcia’s and Morgan’s jokes were just jokes, that he felt like it was just a coincidence that you would always end up in a room together when the team needed to share.

The more that this dawned on you the bigger your eyes became. You had covered your mouth starring at him.

“Oh no…” He took a step back from you and started to pace again and though you usually enjoyed watching him right now every step of his made your heart beat faster by tenfold.

“Can you stop that. You’re making me nervous.” Spencer stopped in his tracks and turned to look at you again.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was really sure you knew. With you being an FBI profiler and everything, I didn’t think someone having a crush on you would slip. The others all know.” He looked like a lot of puzzle pieces fell into place when you told him that.

“Oh”

“Yeah” the two of you almost seemed frozen.

“How’d you not know?” You asked him, thinking about all the times he had said things about you finding a good boyfriend, with how willing he was to flirt with other women, with the way he always pretended that he didn’t hear when Morgan asked him when he was gonna propose.

It had always looked like he was going out of his way to not get your hopes up.

“I mean I have certainly suspected it, but I was too uncertain that my judgement was clouded, so I didn’t put too much weight on it. But with all the time we spent together, it was really only a matter of time before someone in this team caught feelings for another member.” His eyes rested on you, for the first time since you’d started this conversation did he look calm.

“I just thought it would be highly unlikely that it would happen to two of us.” You stared in disbelief.

“No.” you shook your head and now you had to sit down. Your knees were soft.

Spencer pulled a chair out next to you.

“What do you want me to say to that?” You asked, looking up from your hands.

“I feel like we should both be more excited about this turn of events than we are currently expressing to be.” That made you smile.

“I’m scared.” Spencer raised an eyebrow. And somehow that made you smile.

“We don’t need to tell anyone here. They’ll all know of course but no one’s going to fire us. And we can keep it in a way that there won’t be anything to tell if you don’t want that, but I uhm, I do. I’d rather keep the secret than not have anything to tell at all.” You smiled again.

“You’re sweet.” Spencer smiled back and encouraged by your words he reached out and brushed his fingertips over the back of your hand. You looked at your hand, the way he was touching you, so softly as though he was afraid to scare you away.

“You don’t have to.” Despite the fact that you had shared a bed dozens of times, you knew he wasn’t always comfortable with skin contact, especially on his hands and you could not let this memory be taunted by making him feel uncomfortable. You needed this to be good.

“What if I want to?” You turned your hand over and lightly spread your fingers apart. At first he ran his fingertips over the soft skin on your hands. They were tickling you, in the best possible and eventually, his fingers came to a rest between yours.

You squeezed his hand, only a little, and watched closely for his reaction but he looked fine, happy even. You took a deep breath and scooted a little closer to him.

“I can’t believe you never told me.” He said.

“Honestly, I can’t believe neither of us figured this out on our own. We analyze people for a living.” You answered and it made Spencer smile again. He too scooted a little closer to you.

He reached his arm over the back of your chair and lightly pulled you toward him. You let him, until you were resting against him. You felt his head rest on yours for a moment before he lifted it back up and placed a kiss on your hair.

“Is that okay?” He asked and you nodded.

“This is going to be okay, isn’t it?” Your voice was quiet but you knew he’d heard you because you could feel him not immediately.

“If I have any say in this, this’ll be better than okay.” That made you smile because you knew he meant it.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #reader #cm #derek morgan #penelope garcia #fanfiction #fanfic #I am so fucking tired #fluff

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astrojulia · 1 year

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Explaining the Aspects

A very important part of everything in astrology (predictive astrology, natal charts, synastry…) is knowing how aspects work.

There are two ways to explain each one of them, the more formal one which is what you see in books and the one with analogies. I like to do both because it's hard to make something stick in my head, LOL. So let's go.

What is an aspect?

Okay, so now let's finally talk about what all these astrological aspects really mean. Basically, the aspects are like the different vibes and energies that flow between the planets, which represent different parts of your personality. So, depending on which planets are in aspect with each other, you might feel more stressed out or more at peace in different areas of your life.

It's kind of like a map of your inner world, and the different angles and shapes that the planets form can either create a sense of harmony or tension. The way that these energies interact can really affect your personality and how you feel day-to-day. So, if you've got a lot of planets aspecting with each other, you might feel those influences more strongly than if they were just hanging out on their own.

There are several aspects, but the ones I use and the ones that are most seen are: Conjunction, Sextile, Square, Trine and Opposition. What about the others you may say, well, I don't work with them, so I am not going to dive in about something I am horrible not good at.

Conjunction

Basically, a conjunction happens when two planets are in the exact same spot on your astrological chart - we're talking zero degrees here, people. Typically, people say that an orb of eight degrees on either side is what counts for a conjunction, so there's about a sixteen-degree arc where these planets can be hanging out together.

When planets are conjunct, it means that the parts of your personality that these planets represent are getting super cozy with each other. The quality of this connection really depends on which planets are involved - if it's two inner planets, you're probably looking at a pretty chill and harmonious situation. But if it's a mix of different kinds of planets (like mental and emotional), you might get some tension going on.

If the Sun is involved in a conjunction, it's going to make the planet it's conjuncting even more powerful. And if the Moon is involved, it's going to bring out the subconscious influence of that planet in your psyche.

Now, when we start talking about outer planets, things can get a little tricky. Depending on how your psyche is set up, a conjunction between outer planets can either be super harmonious or super stressful. And let's be real, most people find the energies of outer planets to be pretty difficult to deal with.

Even calculated points like the Ascendant and Midheaven can get in on the conjunction party, and they tend to take on the flavor of whatever planet they're conjuncting. So, if you've got a planet conjuncting your Ascendant, that planet's influence is going to be even more magnified in your personality.

In other words, conjunction is when two planets will work on the same issue in their company, and depending on the planets the work environment will be good or bad.

Sextile

The sextile is like two planets giving each other a friendly high-five from a distance of sixty (60) degrees apart. It creates a hexagram and a Star of David shape on the astrological chart. Basically, if two planets are within twelve (12) degrees of each other, they're sextiling. It's considered a good vibe kind of aspect, like the universe is giving you a little helping hand. It's all about opportunities and being able to make the most of them.

When planets are sextiling, it's like they're saying, "Hey, let me help you out, bro!" or "Yo, I've got a great idea, let's work together!" They complement each other and bring out the best in one another. For example, when a fiery planet is sextiling an airy planet, it's like they're two peas in a pod. Similarly, when an earthy planet is sextiling a watery planet, they just get each other.

But, like everything in life, there can be downsides to the sextile. If you ignore the opportunities presented by the sextile, you might miss out on some great stuff. If you pursue them too hard, you could end up stepping on other people's toes. If things come too easily to you, you might start taking them for granted. And if you're not careful, you might let greed and selfishness get in the way of your personal growth. So, remember to stay humble and grateful, and take advantage of the good vibes when they come your way!

In other words, the planets support each other here: it’s a collaboration no matter the company sector they work for. If one is making a mistake, the other will rectify it and not complain; if something is wrong it will provide support and not critique. For example, if your Pluto is in sextile to Jupiter, you will feel quite powerful while you’re feeling lucky, but if you play too much, you will recall that you need to be more serious and reserved.

Square

It's what happens when two planets are 90 degrees apart from each other. Usually, there's an orb of about 8 degrees in either direction, so the square can happen for about 16 degrees total. This divides the circle into quarters and makes a square shape within it.

The thing about the square is that it's all about conflict and confrontation. It's like two cars crashing into each other or one car smashing into the side of another. The right angle means there's a lot of resistance and neither planet can easily budge the other. So, it's not exactly a happy-go-lucky kind of aspect - it's considered a tough one.

Basically, the square represents different parts of your mind that are fighting with each other. And if you're not dealing with those inner struggles, you might end up projecting them outward and causing conflicts with others. The planets involved in a square are usually in elements that don't mix well, like Earth and Fire, Fire and Water, Water and Air, or Air and Earth. So, it's hard to find common ground and make peace.

But hey, don't despair! Even though squares are traditionally seen as bad news, some astrologers think they can be good for you. The tension and conflict represented by the square can help you grow and develop. It forces you to overcome obstacles and learn how to deal with difficult situations. So, even though it might not be easy, it could be just what you need to become a stronger, better version of yourself. And, honestly, a chart without any squares might mean you're not being challenged enough to really reach your full potential.

In other words, when the planets are subtracting each other. They go to the desktop and refuse to look each other in the eyes. They will not cooperate when it comes to working together. So if you have Jupiter in the 10th house and Mars in the 1st house, when talking about career you can see your Mars as your eternal front neighbor who sells exactly the same thing as you, you can help each other… but it will need A LOT of maturity.

Trine

Hey, so the trine is formed when two planets are separated by 120 degrees. It's considered a chill and harmonious aspect, and can be represented by an equilateral triangle within the horoscope circle. Basically, everything is balanced and the vibes are good. The energy between the planets flows easily and functions associated with those planets tend to work well together.

If you have a trine in your chart, you might find yourself feeling happy and content with its trine subject. However, there are some risks associated with the trine. If one or both of the planets are difficult for you to work with, the trine can actually amplify that difficulty. Also, because everything seems so easy, you might become too complacent or unprepared for life's challenges.

On the upside, the trine can help raise your consciousness and connect you with your spiritual side. There's also something called a grand trine, which is even more awesome because it involves three planets in trine with one another, creating a circular flow of harmonious energy. All in all, the trine is a pretty sweet aspect in astrology.

In other words, the planets add up and it can be both useful and dangerous. A trine in earth house (2nd,6th and 10th), might generate an obsession with these themes, making the native anxious, as well give the native skills that can make it shine in several fields.

Opposition

So, basically, when two planets are opposite each other at a distance of 180 degrees, it's called an opposition. This means that the functions represented by those planets work in opposite directions and can often lead to conflict. However, the conflict associated with an opposition is generally more easily resolvable than that associated with a square.

The key to resolving the conflict of an opposition is to realize that the duality between the two functions is just an illusion. Both sides of the opposition actually share common qualities and complement each other. By finding this common ground, opposition can be transformed into cooperation and harmony, leading to strength and wholeness.

However, if the conflict is left unresolved, it can lead to confusion, dilemma, and ongoing conflict. To protect itself from the discomfort of the conflict, the ego may adopt one of three defense mechanisms: siding with one end of the opposition, suppressing one side of the opposition, or projecting the qualities of one of the opposed functions onto someone or something else.

Eventually, though, the subconscious mind will create circumstances that force the ego to confront the conflict of the opposition. So it's better to face the conflict head-on and work towards finding common ground and cooperation rather than avoiding it altogether.

In other words, the planets will argue A LOT, but remember that not every discussion is bad, there’s discussions that’re for improvement, like debates.. but this is always an exhaustive process. When you use energy from your Moon that’s in opposition to your Mercury, both your emotional and rational will get tired because the two worked, even on opposite sides.

Sources

[15] SERVANTOFTHEFATES. Disponível em: https://servantofthefates.tumblr.com/. Acesso em: 29 de mar. de 2023.

Art: Spin@書籍発売！

[7] GARGATHOLIL. Depth Astrology: An Astrological Handbook - Volume 1: Introduction. Smashwords Edition, 2014.

#all about astrology #astrology #astrojulia #astrology notes #astrology basics #astrology tips #astro community #witchblr #astroblr #astrology aspects #something big is coming... why I do that? LOL

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kumezyzo · 10 months

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i was rewatching the dream team all stars MCC and was thinking about streamer!reader cause im actually sick in the head :) so now everyone else has to deal with it 😌 so, as much as i love bad, reader does happen to be an honourary Dream Team member according to bf!sapnap.....

i like to think during this time (Nov. 2021) reader and sapnap are well into their talking stage and like, reallyyyy close to dating (they prolly start dating two weeks after this stream of sum). so this is technically crush!sapnap [so cutee]

also just bsf!george and dream moments cause why not (and cause i need some more fluff to feel gud)

lots of swearing (particularly fbombs lol)

so enjoy.... or dont lol :) m.list

crush!sapnap who cant help but giggle when you text him about the 'serpnerp and gerge' bit he did before the event started. when you ask about the fake kisses they gave eachother, he would be tempted to text you back with "i could give you real ones if you want" but refrains from it.

crush!sapnap who secretly had your stream pulled up on the side just so he could see your face as you hyped yourself up for the event.

if youre faceless, he'd just want to listen to you and hear the way you pause to read a text he sends you. he'd feel so cocky if you happened to quietly giggle at something you he sent you.

crush!sapnap who forgets youre on the call for a moment when he makes comments about needing to take a shit...

"if i really wanted to, i could insta-shit"

"ew wtf 😭"

"i actually forgot you were here for a moment, my bad" (he would be blushing so hard)

crush!sapnap who hypes you up so much during parkour tag (and makes sure youre not getting tagged) when youre the last person to be tagged

bsf!george who also hypes tf out of you when youre tagging people. he gets so loud that you have to tell him to stfu at times

crush!sapnap who subconsciously tries to protect you during the first round of sky battle until you call him out for it

"sapnap, dont worry about me! just try to get the other fucking teams. holy fuck..."

"y/n is getting toxic~"

"george shut the fuck up."

(it was mostly cause dream was getting heated at you but dw sap gets it 😌)

bsf!dream who blames you for a block placement glitch during sky battle

"Y/N!"

"WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?!"

it led to a strange disagreement about where you were standing before crush!sapnap interjected and told you guys to leave it be. (we stan)

crush!sapnap who feels his heart flutter when you giggle about heated dream was getting over you standing on a rail in grid runners.

bsf!george who gets very hyped when you dont mute yourself during ace race.

"y/n are you muting yourself?"

"nope, are you?"

"LETS GOOO! ITS JUST Y/N AND GOGY"

"Lets go!!!!...... but shut the fuck up a little"

crush!sapnap who tries to gather your materials whenever you need them during buildmart and ultimately pisses off dream when he doesnt bring back what people need.

"Sapnap, how the fuck are you leaving but not bringing back fucking anything we actually need!?!?"

"okay! okay, what do you need?!"

bsf!dream who gets wayyyy too heated at you during battle box.

"y/n just use the fucking bow!"

"i am you dumb fuck!"

"oh my-"

crush!sapnap who gets annoyed too, but tries to not direct it towards you.

"george if theyre building to middle, block them!"

"y/n is supposed to be covering me!"

"they are, so pull your weight!"

bsf!dream who gets yelled at by his chat for yelling at you.

'say sorry to y/n'

"what? you know what, fuck y/n! ive known them for over 5 years, im not saying sorry!"

"good! i dont want your apology anyway! we are no longer friends!"

"good!"

(literal toddlers lol)

crush!sapnap who says a small 'hi' when he passes by you in sands of time. even if youre in the same call. and have been for 2 1/2 hours.

dteam who just lets you do youre own thing in the last to games of the event (sands of time & tgttos).

"i actually havent hear y/n speak in like five minutes," george said with an impressed smile. "i thought they just left the call for a moment, ha."

"me too for a second-"

"both of you shut the fuck up, im tired and tryna get this over with."

"PFFFT-"

bsf!george who could help but cackle when you yell at him during dodgebolt.

"george if you dont stop talking about the arrow, i will fly to london and shove it so far up your ass-"

crush!sapnap who calls you after both of you end your streams to talk about how you feel after the event.

"how are you doing, you seemed..."

"angry? annoyed?"

"tired..."

crush!sapnap talks with you until either one of you has to hang up. you feel like youre back in highschool talking to your crush for hours on end.

ngl, i dunno how i feel about this one. it might be too much tbh but im tired asf writing this and dont wanna change much. and i got a little carried away having fun writing it....sorry... -Nony

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twitteringnerdsneverfly · 16 days

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Is Yashiro’s sexuality innate or his another coping mechanism against his trauma, as if the trauma is too early (he said himself that he was raped even before knowing what affection was) and too severe that his brain restructures itself to survive?

Hi @kyrieren ! You are my first ask woo! 🥳 I am not a neuropsychiatrist however 😅 neither am I a psychologist, all I can give you is my personal opinion, and it may be very scientifically inaccurate!

However, I can add a caveat that I have personal experience with trauma (not Yashiro-type trauma tho) and I do have some friends irl who have had childhood trauma and these are merely my layman observations + research 🧐

Childhood attachment is an attachment theory of how we learn to develop, cope and bond with people in the world. It's said that your romantic attachment style will be your childhood attachment style because it's what you've grown up with, what you know, how to deal with the people closest to you. Romantic relationships tend to bring out your attachment style because parental and romantic relationships are usually the closest you are to another human being.

Given that childhood attachment teaches us how to relate to the world and people, this becomes familiar and what we know.

The worst childhood attachment style: insecure disorganised attachment.

This is when a child is betrayed by the caregivers around them, who are meant to provide a safe, secure, loving base and instead what the child receives is physical, sexual, emotional or neglectful abuse.

The brain gets fucked, it's scrambled, a child cannot comprehend what is happening. All you know as a child is that mom/dad/uncle/etc is hurting you and they are your caregivers, who you rely upon in this world.

Unfortunately, it is unbearable to think as a child that mom/dad etc is bad (how are you to cope / survive if the people you rely upon are either bad or don't love you?) so unfortunately what tends to happen are the following:

The child starts to think they're bad

The child starts to rationalise that they must deserve the punishment

That punishment is misconstrued as an act of love / given a positive spin

None of these are verbalised / articulated / rationalised states. A lot of the time they are subconscious, automatic.

Enter Yashiro.

IMHO, Yashiro's betrayal from his caregivers, his insecure disorganized attachment (which also he displays avoidant attachment traits too), is so severe that he has warped the trauma into a good thing. It is unbearable for him to think that his mom and step father have betrayed / abused him to such a degree so he has taken the most painful part of it, and fooled himself into thinking "it wasn't so bad, kinda liked it".

So in his adult sexual relationships Yashiro, in my opinion subconsciously, finds himself acting out the abuse again and again: hands tied, taken from behind, can't see the face. And claims this is his preference.

To deal with all the trauma, Yashiro's brain has combined the severity of the trauma that has left its mark upon his brain with "oh I'm addicted to sex, and sex in this particularly painful way" without adding everything together.

This fucked up way Yashiro has sex is his trauma and attachment all combined. Unspoken within the attachment are things like: this is what I must do to feel safe, this is what I must do to survive / get on the good side of this person.

Yashiro has a kind of detachment to his trauma or so he claims, yet it is so embedded in his brain as the norm that it's his preference because this type of sex is what is familiar.

So yes Kyrieren, in answer to your question, Yashiro's sexuality is his coping mechanism.

It's what he had to put up with to survive, and his brain has now twisted it to think it wasn't so bad, maybe he even liked it. It makes the trauma more digestible to Yashiro this way.

ENTER DOUMEKI.

Doumeki threatens this entire narrative Yashiro has given himself to cope, "oh I like sex this way, it's not so bad, I don't feel anything otherwise, this is what I want".

Yashiro HAD to believe he wanted / wants sex this way because he had no other choice. He was raped and abused. And he has done as best as any trauma survivor could.

Doumeki represents choice and also a shattering of Yashiro's previous beliefs and the super uncomfortable mirror that what happened to Yashiro was not OK, he was betrayed, painful sex is not the norm, nothing to do with his abuse is OK - he is now allowed and able to choose another way. But this is unfamiliar and scary for our dear Yashiro, and holds a lot of painful realisations.

Thanks to Kyrieren for asking the question!

#saezuru tori wa habatakanai #twittering birds never fly #yashiro x doumeki #saezuru meta #saezuru fandom #saezuru analysis

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

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AITA asshole for sighing too much?

For context, I (28F) have OCD and PMDD. When I'm having a particularly bad time, my partner (27M) ends up looking after me a lot - making me meals, sorting out the laundry, just trying to make life a little bit easier to deal with. I feel like I should mention that I work full time and he's currently unemployed, so he's already picked up a lot of the household chores and I take care of the smaller, easier tasks.

Still, I know that looking after me takes a pretty big toll on him, as he has his own mental health problems that he often has to put aside to deal with mine (e.g. He's currently working out the right dose of ADHD meds that he should be on, and his mood and motivation levels have been fluctuating a lot as a result).

We've had a number of in-depth conversations about how this all affects him, and he's been so patient in helping me understand these effects and identifying how I can better support his needs and feelings. However, I'm still not the best at it, and we have days where his fuse is short and I'm super anxious and it just feels like everything I do grates on him.

Today, it was my sighing. I don't know if it's a kind of stimming or something, but since my teen years I've done this thing where I'll breathe in really deep and then sigh it out. I can't explain it - it just feels really good and makes me feel kind of at peace. Most of the time it's a completely subconscious thing, but it does become more frequent/audible when I'm feeling particularly stressed, anxious, or sad. Today was one of those days.

So after I sighed once, not really aware of it, he made a comment about how much it bugged him and how he's told me so many times that he doesn't like when I do that because it stresses him out. He said that if he had a habit that bugged me like that that he would never hear the end of it and he would've tried to change it immediately.

I felt like this was unfair because I really don't mean to bother him with it, but he's also correct in that I haven't really tried to stop doing it either. And knowing how much he does for me, how much of his life is spent catering to my needs, I feel like maybe I do owe it to him to stop sighing so much.

So I don't know. Am I the asshole here?

TLDR: I have a habit of sighing when I'm stressed, and my partner has told me that this bugs him but I haven't done anything to try to stop sighing. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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whxre-bxby · 6 months

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The recoms x reader with competitions sounds hilarious

I can totally imagine them having weird ass competitions Lol

Can't wait for that one

Yeah, this has been in my inbox for ages so glad to finally post it

"Pecking Order"

f. Y/N Recom x Recom Quaritch /Lyle /Prager /Mansk /Brown /Lopez /Ja /Walker /Zdinarsk

Masterlist

Summary: Being a recom soldier is difficult. Especially when dealing with the new instincts and needs the body requires. To keep his team sane, Quaritch comes up with a solution in which Y/N is shared with everyone.

Warnings: indication of smut, little bit of fluff, depressing ending, outrageously minimal wordcount (my apologies)

Word Count: 1590

(I'm sorry about how short this is, but I'm really struggling to write at the moment because I have so much going on)

(Once again I am pretending that Warren and Zhang don’t exist, I am sorry to those who like them but I really don’t.)

Being on Pandora is weird. It’s a whole new planet. But what’s even weirder is being on a foreign planet in a foreign body. Another human’s body wouldn’t have been so bad, but no, you’re blue now. You and your squad along with your Colonel have all permanently become Avatars. It takes a lot of time to get used to the changes. It seems like you discover something new about yourselves every day. Luckily it’s been almost two months since you woke up from criyo.

It seems as though the foreign environment and new feelings have almost strengthened the connection of the team. You all got along when you had to before but now you feel like they are all close friends to you.

One evening at dinner, Lyle had brought up how most soldiers used to have fuck-buddies to get through life on Pandora. Most of the team did back then too. Now, it seemed as though no one had even thought about it. You and the others didn’t exactly know how everything worked so the subject was ignored and brushed off. But it was definitely not forgotten.

It had quite literally been years since any one of you had experienced any form of sexual pleasure. That was suppressed in the beginning but the Avatar’s body language was more visible than a human's and it was more difficult to control and suppress emotions.

At one point in time, all recoms including you were constantly tense and distracted. No one was able to fully focus during training anymore and Quaritch noticed this. He himself had the same problem and he knew he couldn’t send his squad out into the forest like this. You would die on the first day out. The Colonel would rather solve the problem in any way possible than explain what is happening to the General. The recoms are meant to be reliable and professional. What is happening to all of you is getting in the way of both those things.

The Colonel forced everyone to attend his ‘emergency meeting’ even though you all had the rest of the day off. The atmosphere was thick and you found it hard to breathe even though the room was ventilated.

Quaritch had made you all sit down to listen to him but your attention was barely on his words. Instead, you were subconsciously studying Mansk. He was calmly fiddling with his fingers but you noticed how strained his arms were and how far back he had his ears pinned. Nobody was relaxed.

You also realised earlier today that you basically lost control of your tail. It’s just doing its own thing at this point and there is nothing you can do about it.

The Colonel started explaining his recent observations of our behaviour and you immediately thought you were all being scolded. But you were wrong.

“The only option I see te’ help us with our probem,” Quaritch says, inhaling deeply as if he were not sure how we would react. “Is to fuck it out.”

Lyle snorts, thinking his superior is joking but Quaritch is dead serious.

“Suggest otherwise, Corporal Wainfleet.” The Colonel says, sternly glaring at Lyle. I stare at both of them with wide eyes. No way is he suggesting this.

There was some kind of argumentative discussion between the two but you have tuned out, blankly staring past Quaritch and at the wall behind him. This room had no windows, so no one could see or come in here because it was a recom only area.

“Y/N.” Quaritch’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. You glance up at him while Mansk shifts his gaze to you.

“You’re with me.” he orders, watching your surprised yet innocent face process the information.

“No fuckin’ way.” Mansk interrupts. You stare at him now, completely surprised by his words. Mansk never objects or argues with people. He’s the best soldier when it comes to following orders. This is out of character for him.

Quaritch doesn’t seem pleased by his words but once again to your surprise, he doesn’t put Mansk in his place. Since this isn’t a professional environment anymore, it seems as though the ranks between the soldiers don’t play such a big role.

A few other recoms back Mansk up, not liking that the Colonel wants you to himself which still baffles you.

But it turns out, they all seemed to have taken a liking to you. Most soldiers were ignorant and self-centred. You weren’t. You seemed almost naturally submissive to the others, especially as an Avatar. Something about you, perhaps your scent of strong pheromones, drew them to you.

So that evening, while you were being eyed hungrily by every single one of your teammates, they made a fair plan. In their free time, they would hold weekly competitions to figure out the order of who gets the most time with you. You were included and nothing was forced on you.

Since life in the RDA was really dull and colourless, these planned activities and competitions amused everyone.

To keep it fair, it wouldn’t always be the same task to win, it would be changed so that everyone gets a chance. Otherwise, it would always be the same people with you.

The first and most obvious challenge was a physical strength competition. This one lasted a long time and it went all the way from who could hold themselves in a plank position the longest to wrestling in the gym. In the third week, things took a drastic turn when Lyle decided to time himself to see how fast he could make you cum. Any technique was allowed and on the same day, everyone had their turn which had you not only fucked out but completely dumb and tired for the rest of the day.

Z-Dog won that one and right behind her was Walker. Lopez was next and all three of them took great pride in it. It seems as though oral sex was the way to go.

Quaritch was always near the top and most often the first on the leaderboard in the physical challenges. Which meant you spent a lot of time in his room, which you honestly didn’t mind. While he was a brutal and cold-hearted man on the outside, he took care of you behind closed doors. Miles picked you up and walked you to his room when it suited the two of you. There, he took his time with you. Nothing was ever rushed because he wanted you to enjoy it as much as he did.

Let’s just say, you always slept well after having sex with him and he took care of you in his bed, letting you sleep in it. You always left his room feeling satisfied in the morning. Lyle, Mansk and Prager were also usually quite at the top so when you and Quaritch would finish, they would get a day of the week each to spend with you. Sometimes, you had a few of them at once.

Normally, you would feel bad about yourself for sleeping around so much but they made you feel like you are all that matters to them, so you rarely worried about that. You didn’t feel used, you felt loved. Something you had been deprived of since you left Earth years ago.

Once everyone had a turn and the feral instincts calmed down, the competitions continued but they became more funny than serious. At this point, you were all just doing it for shits and giggles because there really wasn’t anything else to do. Except for finding Sully but that mission wasn’t ready yet.

So the subjects of the competitions started to change along with everyone’s behaviour. The lust has been brought under control so you weren’t as tired anymore and only occasionally had sex with the recoms that needed it.

A cooking competition was held which turned into a completely messy disaster. Mansk won it by far but at what cost? The oven had exploded because Ja refused to take the food out, claiming it wasn’t done yet. Lopez put metal in the microwave which really damaged the machine and you can’t quite remember how it happened but Z-Dog and Walker had accidentally set a curtain on fire. Instead of trying to put out the flames, they got angry because “What’s a fuckin’ curtain doin’ in the kitchen anyway?!”.

Another one was who could breathe oxygen for the longest because we were now adapted to Pandora’s air. Prager won. He said he used to dive regularly back on Earth so he was able to hold his breath for a long time.

Brown and Walker almost lost consciousness.

It kept going on and on like this because it was all the fun you had. Even when the mission started, the challenges were who could tame their Ikran the fastest, who could guess the Na’vi words correctly and who could properly land a fall from the Ikran. You started taking part in the competitions just for your own fun. It really had brought everyone together but eventually, all good things must come to an end.

When you started encountering Sully, you began losing soldiers and once some teammates were gone, no one was feeling good enough to even suggest anything fun. From that point of, you all just wanted to finish your mission and end this.

Enjoy the bunnies instead of the abrupt ending :)

Tag List: @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @jatwow @numarusworld @number1gal @ikranwings

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saturnbellfromhell · 1 year

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LILITH IN SCORPIO/8TH HOUSE

Lilith has caught my attention this week since I've been speaking more frequently to others about their Lilith signs and how they see their own placement. By doing so I was very intrigued and wanted to write about my observations and thoughts. In some parts of the internet Lilith is described in a very shallow light, it's given names she does not align with, so I will make my own post about it!

⚫Lilith is more than just sex, arousal, sexuality, nudity. It is our core wound and/our scar as women in this generation and all the generations before us. It is the shame we so desperately meet everyday for being ourselves and expressing our desires. Lilith is the women who is liberated not only in her body, but also her mind and soul. She was deemed as illogical and disrespectful for wanting the same as her male counterpartner, to where she was banished from her home. Away from the place she felt safe, a foul mix of emotions turned her bitter. She felt hopless, powerless, frustrated, vulnerable and absolutely alone on her own journey. She was betrayed by the higher power and her husband, which is unforgivable and to never be forgotten. In doing so a new persona was formed, where our dear Lilith lays in the shadows and awaiting the light. She has the power to both heal and destroy, but firstly we need to find her and meet...

⚫In the astrology realm Lilith is said to be our subconscious mind. She is the pathway to our true self,all that lays underneath our taught ego and super-ego. She is the raw energy which pushes us to dig deeper and come to love our flaws and fears, but can also turn tables when put into a situation she does not favor. She is the darkness, the mystery and the secrets to our soul.

⚫Lilith also represents our feminine power and sexuality, how we deal with it, how we hide it and how be protect ourselves from it. This placement also shows where we are repressed and how we find the courage to escape it.

⚫She resides in the 8th house, frequently called the house of sex, death and taxes. In this new home she finds peace with guidance from Pluto and his transformative nature.

Observations for Lilith in Scorpio/8th house:

1. Many Lilith Scorpio women are prayed on by older men their whole life. Older, perverted and creepy men feel this deep sexual power this woman holds, even if she is dressing casual and working a normal job. (By no means am I saying if you dress more openly, that creepy men are invited). Men really smell it out and react to it either with desire or disguist.

2. They're vulnerable spot is showing they're sexuality out and open, they get very shamed for being a sexual being, a feminine being and saying what they like.

3. Many of them had a bad experience with intimacy when younger. One of the early introductions with intimacy/sex are domination from other men most of the time. They want you to just be a vessel for them and for them to take their power.

4.Many relationships can become abusive later in life, with men constantly being controlling or jealous or even both.

5. They can struggle with libido and struggle to relax during intimate times.

6. They have the upper hand when it comes to sex, they love to please and watch someone finish. It makes them feel powerful.

7. They know what they like in the bedroom. I've met Lilith Scorpios who like rough sex, but many like very smooth and romantic sex. They are very vocal how they like to be pleased. By doing so they can get into argumentative situations with low value men, who take communication about pleasure as a women bashing their game. Scorpio Lilith attracts a lot of men with shattered egos, as we said before.

8. They can be very possessive at times over their significant other.

9. They get frequently called a freak or just plain creepy.

10. They need someone that calms them down rather than keeping them on their toes.

xoxo nk

#lilith #lilith in the houses #8th house #astrology #astrology observations #astro observations #zodiac #beauty #scorpio #scorpio energy #astro posts #pluto astrology #plutonians #scorpian #scorpio astrology

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yepthatsacowalright · 4 months

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Doctor Who, The Process Of Healing From Trauma, and Me: A Text Post Essay No One Asked For

Back in 2006ish, when I first started watching Doctor Who as a teenager in late high school/early college, it captivated me mind, body, and soul. I ate that early 2000s, broody-complex-hero shit up.

I loved that the Doctor grappled with the guilt and regret from some truly fucked up shit he did, and I loved that he gave the middle finger to it by going on wild, ridiculous-special-effects-ed adventures instead of attempting the mortifying ordeal of opening up about it.

I'm sure, judging by how popular the 2005 version of the show became, a lot of my generation felt similar. 9/11 hadn’t been that long ago. We were coming of age and starting to sense that the world kind of sucked major ass, and perhaps the older generations had been super lying to us about most things this whole time.

As such, Rose Tyler was living the dream as far as I was concerned. Abandoning her place in this bullshit society to go help people and save lives with someone who never settled, who always ran towards the darkness, who found ways to laugh and dance in it even…Rose's lifestyle was goals.

Not only did the Ninth and Tenth Doctor's struggle to opening up about what they'd been through or forgive themselves for it not bother teen me at all, I preferred it. It was understandable and relatable. I wasn't ready to actually look at and deal with any of my own problems either, I just didn't want to pretend like I had none. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, and that's where Nine, Ten, Rose, and me all hung out and had fun.

Rose’s "death" was when I started to feel differently. It wasn't that I didn't still enjoy the show - I kept watching through Martha and Donna's seasons, and also a little bit into Eleven's run - but it wasn't the same. I could never quite get over the loss of Rose, or how the Doctor chose to get over it by doing what he always did - ignore and repress.

It had been much easier to watch the Doctor do this with trauma when I didn't know much about what he'd been through, but every time he avoided the topic of Rose, or minimized who she was, it pissed me off. It felt bad to watch him do that to the memory of someone who mattered.

I was starting to realize that just admitting you had problems wasn't sustainable. I couldn't stay on that first step indefinitely, and Doctor Who didn't feel like it was my show anymore, which was fine. After all, it's a family-friendly series. An episode on intergalactic talk therapy is not going to be a hit with the kids.

I was off to have the one adventure the Doctor never could - to understand and manage my own mental health. Learning about psychology, learning about trauma, going to therapy. I processed, I surprised myself, I found new stories to obsess over that resonated with a different, older version of me.

Whenever I popped back into Doctor Who, it felt more nostalgic than anything else. It reminded me of how I used to feel, and how far I'd come. I had that bittersweet feeling of wishing I could connect with it the way I used to, but being grateful that the reason I couldn't was a positive, therapeutic one.

And then…the 60th Anniversary Specials.

David Tennant didn’t even do anything that different in his performance, and he admits as much in interviews. Trying to replicate what he did as the Tenth wouldn't make sense because he isn't the Tenth, and trying to do something completely new wouldn't make sense because then why bring back David at all?

He just played the role as an actor who's lived 10 more years since the last time he played the role, and brother that shit hit me hard.

All the natural, subtle, perhaps subconscious changes in him made me feel the weight of slightly too many years passing. Despite knowing I am relatively young, l’m at a point in my life where I, for the first time, feel old.

Gray hairs and smile lines that were only on the faces of grownups are now on the faces of me and my friends. I know I don't know it all, and also realize I know even less than I thought I did. Love feels deeper, loss feels heavier. I'm compelled to express feelings of gratitude and affection I used to always keep to myself. Oh, is that who I am now?

I love that the Doctor's body didn't just go back to Ten's face, but to an aged version of Ten's face. A version that would align with the aged version of Donna's. I know this was not a creative choice, it was literally just what David and Catherine look like now, but how perfect for time itself to play a role in the story, too.

I love that the Doctor, at last, had to catch up with what his body was telling him. To notice his feelings and learn what those feelings meant. Like the title of one of my favorite (and extremely relevant to this this post) books says, the body keeps the score.

And I loved the bi-generation.

I loved that Fourteen made the choice to stop and ask his friends to help him do it.

I know that RTD proposed a theory that in that moment all the previous regenerations became bi-generations as well, but I like the idea that all the others could have bi-generated, but didn't. They weren't ready to look at themselves, or ask for that help from anyone. Not until now.

And I love love LOVE Ncuti Gatwa as Fifteen. I love that the healed next Doctor is a millennial. That he is a Doctor who can freely say he loved his friends, he loved Rose, can tell his former self, "I love you."

The show's become such a beautiful portrayal of generational trauma and healing that did not know that's what it was until its end.

And now, it begins again.

#i wrote this in a WORD DOCUMENT i made an OUTLINE #it took TWO DAYS to finish #hopefully the bees that have been in my head since i watched the 60th finale will now let me know peace #david tennant #catherine tate #ncuti gatwa #the star beast #wild blue yonder #the giggle #mental health #generational trauma #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #dw #dw spoilers #doctor who 60th anniversary

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teal-fiend · 4 months

Text

An experienced prey helps a someone through their hunger by offering themselves up as a first meal, and guides the new pred through the experience (continuation of this post)

Content: prey pov, pred pov (alternating), digestion, implied fatal vore, pred has a panic attack

“You’re really hungry, are you?”

A nodded

“It’s the kind of hunger that never goes away right? No matter what you do, you’re still hungry. You know what this means right?

You’re a predator, you have different requirements. Dietary”

A shook their head, “no, no I can’t. I’m not like that.”

“What do you mean you can't?”

“I’ve never done it before, and I don’t want to”

“Why am I here then? Because you need to. You’re desperate to end your hunger. You don’t see yourself as a predator, you don’t think you could ever do what they do, you probably think it’s immoral too, but soon you’ll understand why they do it.” B put their hand on A’s shoulder, “they do it because it works.” B stepped away again, gesturing with their hands to emphasise the next words “you want to stop being hungry then eat. It’s that simple.”

“But what about you?” A asked quietly

B laughed, “you’ll be a terrible pred, asking questions like that.”

“Yeah, sure - that’s the point.”

“You’ll see, predators - you always change your tune after you eat, once you realise it’s what you’re meant to do.

A shook their head, “Not me”

B rolled their eyes. Everyone says that

“ you are partially correct; this won’t go well if you resist. If you don’t ‘believe in yourself’ (even if that sounds cheesy), it’s going to be a lot harder for you. It might even turn into a bad experience for you, which is the opposite of what we want. So. I’m going to need you to make a decision.

Right now, you have to say that you are going to eat me, and follow through with it

No backing out. (Unless you actually get nauseous or otherwise can’t digest me - you have to at least give it a solid go).

Give yourself a chance. You’ve come this far, you’re making an effort to solve your problems. Now is the time to actually do the dirty work.

Do we have a deal?”

“Okay, I’ll try,” they muttered, “I don’t really have any other options at this point.”

B clasped their hands together, “that’s the spirit. Okay, this next part is probably the most difficult, but it gets easy once you get the hang of it. You’re just going to put your mouth over me, and do your best to swallow. It might feel a little weird or embarrassing but, well, it’s the only way.”

“Ah, Okay…” A babbled

It took them an uncomfortable amount of time to figure out from which direction they wanted to approach B, and how exactly they wanted to get B past their teeth

An image came up in B’s mind of a lizard they once had who would always miss the bugs they put in the cage. No hunting instincts.

A would have no chance if they actually had do hunt for prey

Just once they thought A had a good grip, they spit B out again

“I don’t think I can do it,” they gasped

B sighed, “I didn’t want this to be my first choice, because I wanted you to learn how to do it on your own, but I think I can help. You won’t have to do much work, but you will have to relax.”

B didn’t know if A knew how to relax. They had been rigid the entire time, it wasn’t doing them any favours.

In all their experience with preds, they had never seen one so incapable as A. B had just been in their mouth, and it hadn’t mattered at all. It was frustrating, but subconsciously it only made B more determined to make A into an active pred

B turned on the radio, maybe background noise would help, and they ushered A over to a wall, that B could use as leverage to push themselves down A’s throat.

The attempt failed. B was wondering if maybe A wasn’t a pred after all.

“How are you feeling right now,” B asked, out of breath

“Bad,” A admitted

You know what would feel good right now, a full stomach

“You have it in you, I’m sure of it,” B said, although they were starting to doubt. “Your body knows what to do, your head is just getting in the way.”

“I think too much, is that it?”

“Kind of, just - ok Okay, we are going to do some exercises to try to get you into the mindset. Focus on the sensations in your body - close your eyes. Try to put a mental spotlight on that area in your middle, where you feel hunger the most. Here - “ B took A’s hand and placed it on their stomach, “allow yourself to feel your hunger, and accept it, don’t try to shy away from the unpleasant sensation. You need to admit it to yourself. Are you hungry?” A, almost in a trance, nodded, “yes”

“Good, that’s step one. Now. You are hungry, desperately so, you can feel it. It’s strong, it hurts, it makes everything else in your head foggy. But lucky for you, you have food. Me. So”

B sighed, “that’s the next part you have to believe. I am your food,” they gently rubbed A’s stomach, feeling it growl painfully beneath their hand. B liked to see predators when they were hungry, but usually they were more assertive, less pathetic.

“I can be in your stomach in a matter of seconds if you want it, which deep down you do. Bring that part of you up, don’t resist your feelings, your desires, your hunger. Be honest with yourself”

“I’m going to open your mouth now, just let yourself feel good, don’t be ashamed, don’t be worried, you have nothing to worry about…” B slid their hands into A’s throat and pushed off of the wall, they reached as far down as they could until they felt A tensing,

“Relax, relax, relax,” B grumbled irritably, and miraculously their hands slid down even further, they pushed down as far as they could before A could second guess it, and once their head was through, they started to feel the throat constrict, but then ease - A was swallowing them. B felt another tight clench around them like they were suddenly caught in a vice, but then they were the one being pushed further, the squeezing was rapid, desperate, and a less than efficient, but A was gulping them down with all their might. B felt smug about being correct, a switch had been flicked once A had realised how good it felt to have such a big meal move down their throat all at once. B imagined it would be the best thing A had ever experienced. But that was nothing compared to what would happen next

—

A felt heavy, like they had eaten a boulder, and they felt stretched, painfully, they still felt sore, they still felt a bit shit, a bit tired. It wasn’t as rapturous as B and many others had led them on to expect. It was weird, it was definitely odd, but not much else

The swallowing felt good; they did feel something then. A rush, and it did feel good to have such a promise of a meal and the satisfaction it would bring… but it didn’t last long. There was prey in their stomach… and A didn’t like it all that much

“How do you feel?” B asked from their stomach

“I don’t feel much at all,” A said thoughtfully

“That’s what they all say,” B muttered.

A sat down. It was funny, all of this, being a predator, they never thought they would do something like this, and furthermore, A never thought they would become like predators you hear about; hedonistic, driven by instincts, a slave to the monster that was inside them - that kind of stuff didn’t happen for A, but it would be interesting if it did. If their stomach felt so stretched and full, if that could bring them such satisfaction, the idea was a little scary. But surely not… unless

“I - “ A stuttered, “I think I’m starting to feel something,” they said shakily.

“Yeah, your tummy is really having it’s go at me,”

“What do you mean?” A asked, worried

“You’re digesting me, buddy. Wait, you’re starting to feel it, aren’t you?”

“No,” A said, “no no no. oh god no.”

“Hold on, don’t freak out, it’s alright,”

“I’m…” A could feel a hot, almost burning sensation in their stomach, it groaned languidly

“It’s ok, remember what I said about relaxing - okay your heartbeat is going up but that’s normal for digestion, just don’t have a panic attack or anything.” B laughed dryly

A could feel their heart burning, their stomach felt like it was pressing on all of their other organs, depriving them of oxygen

“I, I think I’m dying,” A could hardly recognise their own voice by how it was shaking. They felt their chest actually ache in pain, real pain, clenching, like a heart attack, “I’m… I feel like I’m going to die.”

“Okay,” They felt B realign themselves in their stomach, “Okay, you’re definitely not dying, you can’t die from eating prey, you’re just freaking out because you’re not used to this. Have you had a panic attack before?”

“Panic attack? No,” this wasn’t a panic attack, it was a heart attack, and they were dying, A had never been more sure of anything

“Okay, look it up. You can’t die from it, you’re just getting used to the new sensations. I’ll admit, this isn’t an ideal outcome for your first meal, and I wouldn’t have pushed you if I knew you were this worried about it, but you couldn’t eat me on your own, so I doubt you’ll be able to get me out, so you’ll just have to strap in for the next few hours. How are you doing out there?”

It was hard to believe B since A’s body was saying the opposite. They still felt a huge pain in their chest, and it wasn’t going away. “I’m not doing good,”

“Do you feel pain? Try to redirect that energy to your stomach, your heartbeat, just focus on the heartbeat in your stomach instead, feel the sensations you have here,” B rubbed on the stomach walls, “you don’t feel empty anymore right? Must be a relieving feeling.”

B was right, A focused on the feeling of their stomach, it was good, they were really full, when they actually took a moment to reflect, they realised it. They really had never eaten so much at one time.

A lay down on their side - they let the belly rest on the floor, feeling it gurgling against the carpet. They truly had never felt this was before, it was entirely different to how they expected it. They had eaten a lot before, of course, trying to curtail the hunger, but this sheer amount, it was such a shift in perspective of what they could physically experience. It was something entirely new, they felt like a child again, seeing things for the first time, they didn’t know they could feel this way.

And when their heartbeat slowed and evened out, the sensations changed from anxiety into a deep blanket of pleasure that radiated from their core. They felt satiated, but even that word didn’t do justice.

I know now, A thought, I know what they mean now

I get it

#might make a part 2 #digestion #implied digestion #tw vore #fatal vore #vore digestion #soft vore #v.ore #vore fic #vore writing #v/ore #vore prompt #pred pov #prey pov #vore talk #pred oc #prey

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