#THATS HOW MANY MISSING ASSINGMENTS I HAVE

[yeosanggf]

:D!!!!!

#I FORGOT I HAD A TUMBLR WHERE I CAN RANT ABOUT THINGS AND MAYBE SOMEONE WILL SEE AND GIVE ME MUCH NEEDED LOVE BUT MAYBE NOT #up to you :) pls i need love ahaha :) but it’s okay if not i’m not being needy not at all #dude #i hate it here #ya boy has anxiety depression and REALLY BAD adhd or add or smth i don’t remember which one bc this is a new development! #and it’s kiCKING. MY ASS. #i have NO memory (ranboo moment) and literally barely even know my name ::))))))) let alone do i remember all my missing assignments!!! #i have a D. in ENGLISH. #H O W #I HAVE GOTTEN ONLY As ON ASSIGNMENTS #THATS HOW MANY MISSING ASSINGMENTS I HAVE #this is SO unlike me i seriously wanna commit unalive and am reverting back into junior year SUPER DEPRESSED me :) #and i can’t stop being so fucking annoying the way i’m typing is pissing me off like shut the fuck up jesus christ #jesus came back this weekend or smth #that’s crazy #but yeah #teachers are all up my ass and i don’t know how long i can keep up the perfect student act bc clearly fake it till you make it isn’t working #this year. someone please say i love you to me i’ve never before understood why people need to hear it out loud but today i need it so bad #debating donating to a streamer for the first time just to get someone to say i love you to me #like. i’m desperate. i hate myself so much rn #and i’m self aware too like what kinda bs is that when you hate yourself and could very well fix it but nooo for some reason brain said sad #and so much anxiety #my leg was shaking while driving ya boy hard braked so many times it was so scary #luckily i didn’t do it on the gas #but yeah i’m killing myself with this workload bro #what’s that one tommy quote? #like. i want to spill coke on my keyboard and have it fry up and kill me. i want to jump off the cadillac and into a fucking volcano. #the mood for today #210406

[rosetthorns]

OKAY BUT LIKE CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW EVEN TEACHERS CARE MORE ABOUT GRADES THAN YOUR ACTUAL FUCKING LEARNING SOMETHNG

i went to the head of the history department to talk about my histoy teacher, who is doing a terrible job at teaching, because my counselor said they were getting lots of complaints but not specific examples, and i had specific examples of what he needs to work on, so i went in to give those specific examples

nOW

I learned two things when i talked to that teacher

1) the reason he had been putting in a lot of 100s on papers he said werent 100s was because they wanted him to UP HIS STUDENTS GRADES BECAUSE KIDS WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR GRADES

2) apparently it came off as i needed help and was also COMPLAINING ABOUT MY GRADES

now the original reason i went to my counselor was to switch out of that class to a different teacher, which i cant do because too many people want to, and not because i was worried about my grade. i was worried about my learning, which are two completely different things. we hardly do anything of value in that class, only the necessary parts (projects) of the curriculum, and compared to the other HONORS world history class, and even the regular classes, i felt like i was missing out. although he has a weird grading problem, i wasnt worried about my grade, i have a 94.5. i was worried that i wasnt actually learning anything, which JUST A REMINDER, IS THE MAIN REASON WERE IN SCHOOL FOR THE FIRST PLACE. GODDAMN.

so i went in to see that teacher because if i couldnt switch out, at the very least i could help with the situation and peoples educations, but fuck that.

the teacher told my name to my teacher and told him i was worried about my grades

AND IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY FIGURED OUT, IM NOT WORRIED ABOUT THOSE

it was super fucking awkward when he brought it up too, because i couldnt just tell him i was more worried about my education than my learning, thats pretty offensive to a teacher

but i have a few bigger problems. one, that complaint shouldve stayed anonymous. its really not ok to spread who said that, the main reason i came to you in the first place was because i couldnt say it up front to my teacher and you ruined that trust. two, both of those two teachers assumed that grades are more important than actual education.

my teacher assumed it by fixing the problem of his kids not getting high enough grades by throwing out 100s on assingments that are purposed to show us what we need to work on. he did this instead of actually realizing there is a problem in his teaching methods and how hes getting through to students (or just not, since he sits at his computer all fucking class period and doesnt interact with more than half the class)

the head of the history department took my complaints, when i said nothing about my grades, and assumed i needed help. i dont. im ok. whats not ok is how many other kids ARENT REACHING OUT FOR HELP, BUT NEED IT. they arent reaching out because they either tried before or just think they deserve the grade or that they cant change anything. whats not ok is that you have a teacher who cares more about giving out good grades than setting his student up for success.