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#Since i got into a book reading high again
jadeylovesmarvelxo · 12 hours
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Ok, I have two alternatives, pick which one you like the best.
Reader get picked to tutor Eddie even though they have always been at each other's throat, she thinking he's a drama queen, pissed that the popular people doesn't like him and he thinks she's a stuck up bitch without humor.
So they go back and forth but maybe one day when she's having a bad day and Eddie says something and she starts crying he gets all "what, how, why? What did I do, please don't cry!"
Or, that he catches her reading a romance novel and outwardly she has always just read classics - books that are 'high education'
Request by @somethingvicked 🫶💞 went with the first option 💞
Warnings; Little bit of angst, meanish Eddie, fluff. Accidental kiss.
💌🎀💌🎀
"You've got to be kidding me?" you gawk at Miss O'Donnell who has called you back at the end of class. She's asked you to tutor someone and at first you were all for it.
That's until you found out it was Eddie Munson, Munson who is currently sitting at the back of the class with his feet up on the desk in front of him, he gives you a sarcastic little wave and you turn back to Miss O'Donnell and hope she comes to her senses.
"He needs a tutor if he wants to graduate. You're the best student in the class. It will look wonderful on your college applications that you tutored Mr Munson" shit there was really no getting out of this.
Reluctantly you turn to Eddie who already doesn't like you. In his honest opinion you seemed prissy and stuck up. The two of you spent half your time at each other's throats, it had been like that for so long.
Equally you couldn't stand Eddie either. He was loud, a show off and you were sure he was jealous of the popular people he claimed to hate.
How you would manage to tutor him for weeks on end was anyone's guess. One thing's for sure, you were dreading this.
"Meet me after school tomorrow and we can get started okay?" You say to him already grumpy at having to spend extra time with him. Eddie swings his legs off the desk and smirks, then bows.
"As you wish princess" ugh, you storm out but not before hearing Eddie's laughter.
Asshole.
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The first week of tutoring Eddie is as horrible as you expected. He's antagonistic, makes no effort and needles at your patience until it's paper thin.
"How can you be expected to graduate if you don't make an effort?" You snap as Eddie strums on his guitar.
"That old bat has it in for me, even when I try my best she still doesn't care" Eddie hisses back and you feel the beginnings of a headache come on.
"You just need to apply yourself better, if you want to graduate then you need to ace this Munson" he glares at you.
"Don't you think I know that? It's easy for you though isn't it princess, since your little miss perfect" the insult flares up your annoyance and you and Eddie devolve into your usual arguments.
"Don't you think I have better things to do then tutor you Munson? So do us both a favour and start paying attention, so we can go our separate ways sooner".
He huffs and places down his guitar with gentle care, grabs his notebook and
"Did you draw these?" you ask curious as you trace your fingers over the images on his notebook. He nods and looks at you like he's expecting you to give him shit.
"They are really good Munson, you could think about applying to an art course after graduation" Eddie scoffs and takes his notebook back.
"Yeah like anyone's going to take me with my grades" his tone is all annoyance and it pisses you off.
"I was only trying to compliment you, why do you have to be so touchy all the time" you look away from him stubbornly, he is silent for a few seconds and when he speaks again his voice is soft.
"I'm sorry, I'm not used to a lot of compliments from people" this softens you as well and you turn to face him and give him a small smile.
"Well you're really good" there's a faint tinge of pink to his cheeks when you say this. He nods and settles back down beside you.
"You know uh, you're pretty good with the whole writing thing, uh shit, you know what I mean" pleased and a little flustered at his compliment you clear your throat and mutter thank you, then get started with the book you and Eddie are reading for class.
🎀💌🎀💌
Today has been the worst day. You overslept, forgot to hand your essay in to your biology teacher, the rain soaked you completely as soon as you left your home and you've been verging on a cold ever since.
So the thought of having to tutor Munson again does not fill you with joy, in all honesty all you want is your bed and to sleep. You couldn't get sick, you had too much to do.
Of course from the moment you meet up with Eddie he's difficult. All because it's Friday and he has a Hellfire meeting.
"I have to set everything up princess, I don't have time to waste here with you" furious you round on him.
"You think that I want to be here? No. I'd rather be at home so sit down and let's get on with this so I don't have to sit with your annoying ass any longer than I have to"
"Well at least I'm not a stuck up bitch with no sense of humour and a permanent stick up my ass"
Eddie's words cut to the bone and you stiffen in response. Don't cry, don't cry you chant to yourself, but you can't help as the tears roll down your cheeks, Eddie's big brown eyes widen in shock as you begin to cry.
Humiliated, you're just about to leave when he steps in front of you. "Wait, what did I do?" The two of you exchanged insults on a daily basis and you had never cried before, Eddie begins to panic as your sobs continue.
"Please don't cry" he says, he hates seeing you cry. Your little whimper stabs at his aching heart and on instinct he reaches over to you and takes your hand, the gesture surprises you both and it dries up your tears.
"I'm sorry, I don't like seeing you cry, please stop" you sniff and wipe the remainder of the tears away, Eddie's hand is still holding yours and it's making you feel things that you never expected.
Eddie gently strokes your hand with his thumb, marvels at the soft skin and how your hand fits perfectly in his own.
Uh, shit. This was new. You smile at him, suddenly seeming shy. His heart skips a beat. Jesus h Christ.
"I didn't mean it" he stumbles over his words and you sigh sadly, peer at him with an expression that tugs at his heart.
"Yes you did" he shakes his head fervently and assured you that he didn't.
"I just snapped back without thinking, I'm sorry" he pleads with you and you hear the sincerity in his voice and calm down a bit.
"I'm sorry too. Today has been so shit, I'm tired and I feel like crap. I just want to sleep" Eddie immediately grabs his notebook and pencil and sits down, he looks to you patiently.
"Let's do half an hour and I'll cram as much as I can in my brain and then I'm going to drive you home okay?" relived you nod but still feel worried.
"Miss O'Donnell won't be happy" you tell him and he shrugs as if he doesn't care one bit.
"Leave the old dragon to me okay princess?" touched at his sweetness you take his hand and squeeze it as a thank you. Surprisingly the half hour passes by cordially and Eddie is still sweet.
Before you know it the half hour has ended and Eddie is true to his word and drives you home. You don't feel much better and your stomach is fluttering like crazy being so close to Eddie.
What the hell was happening? Was this some side effect of the flu? Eddie's big brown eyes meet yours, "Thanks for driving me home Eddie"
He shrugs like it's no big deal and on impulse you reach over to kiss his cheek. The only thing is he moves so you miss completely and end up pressing your lips against his.
His eyes widen and you pull away embarrassed, your heart is racing and your lips are tingling from the kiss. You stammer out an apology but Eddie waves it off, you race out the door and into your house.
All the while Eddie is touching his lips, his own heart is racing a mile a minute and all he can think about is that he really wants to kiss you again.
💌🎀💌🎀
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With Love From
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Word Count: ~800
Warnings: fluff
Request by anon: Hey can i request a Dean Winchester x wife reader that she spoiled and pampering him to much but she don’t cared and she love giving him love, attention, affection, and etc all things him always dreamed?. something cute and fluffy because him deserve all the love from the world. 
Summary: You take Dean on a much-needed vacation and give him everything he wants and deserves.
Square Filled: driving in the impala (2022) for @spndeanbingo
Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3
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“Got your pajamas?”
“Yes.”
“Toothbrush and toothpaste?”
“Yes.”
“What about your chargers? I put an extra one in your bag just in case.”
“What are you, my mom?” Dean jokes. “Yes, I have everything.”
“Okay, don’t come crying to me when you’ve forgotten something and ask to use my toothbrush. I won’t do it again.”
“That was one time.”
“One time too many. We’ve done a lot of things, Dean Winchester, but sharing a toothbrush is gonna be a no for me.”
“Yes, I have everything. Why are you bugging out? You’re never like this whenever we go on a hunt.”
Dean takes both yours and his bags to the library where Sam is. He has his laptop and plenty of books all around him. There is a case not far from here that he is reading up on since he is going to be the one to tackle this case.
“We’re not going on a hunt,” you reveal when he sets the bags on the table.
“What?”
“We’re not going on a hunt.”
“Sam’s been working like crazy about this case a few towns over.”
“Yeah because he’s going to be the one to take care of it. We’re not.”
“Sam, what is she talking about?” Dean asks.
“Dude, I am just as clueless as you,” he chuckles and closes his laptop. “All I know is that I’m doing this one solo.”
“If we’re not going on a hunt, where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“You know I hate surprises,” Dean practically whines.
“Well, you’re getting one today. No hunt. No monsters. Definitely alcohol. Does that sound like a great time?” you smile.
“Sounds like a Saturday to me.”
“Come on, we’re going to be late if we don’t leave now.” You see the look on Dean’s face and immediately shuts down what he is going to say next. “If Sam needs help, he can call Garth.”
“Yeah, go have fun. I got this,” Sam backs you up.
You and Dean pack up the Impala and say your goodbyes to Sam who barely waves you two off. Dean is always the driver unless otherwise preoccupied, so he gets behind the wheel even though he has no idea where he’s going. You’re going to be the navigator for this special trip, only telling him what turns to make right before he needs to do them.
“Shall I put on the special playlist?”
“Special playlist? What’s the occasion?”
“I love you. Is that enough?”
“More than enough,” he smiles.
His special playlist consists of songs he could listen to on repeat for hours. Sam doesn’t let him put the playlist on since Sam complains he needs to listen to more than just classic rock. He claims they all sound the same even though each has their own unique sound.
About halfway through the trip, you stopped to get food at Dean’s favorite diner. He often comes here while on hunts even if it’s hours out of the way. There’s something about the way they make their burgers that has his mouth watering every single time.
“Okay, tell me where we’re going,” Dean chuckles with his mouth full.
“I told you it’s a surprise,” you smile. “You’re going to love it.”
Dean has no choice but to trust you. Once you two get done eating, you get back on the road and tough out the last half of the trip. You took over driving for the last hour just so he wouldn’t be suspicious of where you two were going but as soon as Dean sees the town’s name, he gets so excited.
“Wait, we’re in Mt. Sterling?”
“Yeah.”
You drive to one of the best gun stores in America. They have such a high rating since people from all over the country come here just to buy guns. Dean has been wanting to come here for a long time, and you figure it’s time to bring him. Dean is practically bouncing in his seat when you park, and he jumps out of the car in excitement.
You watch him run into the store with a smile on your face, and you make sure the car is locked before following him inside. He is like a child loose in a candy store or a toy store. He is admiring all of the guns on display, holding them just to feel how they would fit in his hands.
“Pick any you want. I’ll get it for you.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yeah.”
“I love you so much,” he grins and kisses you.
Seeing him so happy brings you so much joy. He doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to be this happy. He doesn’t allow himself to be this happy most of the time, so taking time to give him this is very important. He channels his inner child and goes wild. He settled on another handgun that closely resembles the one he has now, but it has a silencer on the end of it which will make for easy hunting.
After he got all that excitement out, you two headed to the bar across the street to have a few rounds on you.
“How the hell did I ever get so lucky?” he smiles.
“I’m the lucky one, my love. You deserve all the love in the world.”
Dean leans in and kisses you, happy to be yours.
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yurinaa-world · 4 hours
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hello!! platonic dr ratio with a teen!student reader who excels at one particular subject but is bad or average on the others? also lacks social skills
(kinda inspired by me lol 💀)
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Characters: Dr. Ratio platonic! x Gender-neutral Reader
Synopsis: with student reader who excels at one subject but is bad at the others + lacks social skills
Warnings: Fluff and spelling mistakes, got lil personal
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𝒱𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓉𝒶𝓈 𝑅𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜
He’s so strict about your grades, looking at you with disappointment as if a parent would when their child an F. What? does the information just go through and out one ear? (it does for me 😀)  Can your brain handle one sentence at a time since it doesn’t look like it to him with these embarrassing grades?
He immediately got you into summer school so you could at least try to get good at other subjects, one subject won’t get you a future. Even worse with fact you can’t even talk without staring endlessly at your paper contemplating just to ask him the most simple question.
The man knows no mercy, making you write out several essays over the whole summer but just like every teacher that wants to suck the souls from students he’ll make you plan every tad bit of detail, even refuse you from starting to write if one detail isn’t explained and well thought out enough for him.
Then oh don’t forget to make the rough draft of the essay (it’s more like writing the real essay itself with the way he’s being strict with every typo & grammar mistake, but oh don’t think you're going to get this using simple and basic words like “in conclusion.” or “well, I believe.” Throw those out the window along with every other basic sentence that people use to put up the word count or just get the whole thing over with. He isn't accepting it. No exceptions.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Blank.
You’ve been staring at the next part of your sentence but unsure how to use the word “Magnanimity”. How were you even supposed to use this in a sentence?! (he made you pick several high-level words to use in an essay), you look up to silently curse your teacher, Mr. Ratio out in your head before immediately looking back down when your eyes connect.
You begin to contemplate, that maybe jumping out the window ain’t bad, it might be your only way to get out of here. you sigh, just giving up on your constant stalling, getting up from your chair (with your paper in hand) and walking over to your teacher, dreading every step you take.
Before stopping at his desk, “Mr. Ratio, could you tell me what the definition is for magnanimity again?” He just sighs, closing up the book he always reads. (You don’t know why he always reads the same thing, it’s so boring.)
“Magnanimity means the loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain meanness and pettiness, and to display a noble generosity.”
you stare at him blankly, he wasn’t kidding, he seriously expected you to know what he was saying?! “I’m sorry but what does that even mean?” you whisper your voice cracking with frustration, you just feel a blood vessel getting bigger.
He sighs once again “Showing kindness towards an enemy or you had been defeated in battle. using it in a sentence would be like he showed magnanimity towards his enemy, understand?” 
“Oh, okay. Thank you Mr. Ratio” You nod taking in his words. “Let me see your essay.” He tells you out of the blue, holding his hand out to see your paper, which makes your mouth dry. “you have something written, correct? Let me see it.”
You give him your paper and watch in nervousness before he begins to read out loud “A great man once spoke mighty wor-“ “Mr ratio please read it in your head!”  you cut him off with panic, yet what a fool you are since when was he merciful? “a great man once spoke mighty words…”
Listening to him read your essay made you cringe and close your ears. He’s the worst!
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if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!
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diamondsnake7 · 5 months
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What it's like logging onto webtoons.com for the first time in years and seeing all of your beloved long-running series either paywalled or completely inaccessible
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milo-is-rambling · 7 months
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Who was gonna tell me that reading is fun sometimes
#I will bring shame to my eight year old self NO MORE!!!! I LIKE READING AGAIN!! YIPPEE!!!#I think I seriously enjoy reading about the brain and body and trauma like it’s so strange to spend two hours laying in bed with a book but#it’s so nice#I really enjoyed science growing up even into high school I just didn’t have the patience or motivation to finish essays#and my freshman year science teacher got fired halfway thru the year after they found out she didn’t have a teaching license and then my#class got split up into an advanced science teachers class who was way ahead of everything we had learned and then I hated the class and#science in general then in sophomore year I had another shitty teacher who didn’t care about teaching and I literally would find recourses#and send them to the teacher to put on the projector and then I would talk thru the resource that’s fucking real I literally had class#periods where I TAUGHT my sophomore year science class. GAHHHH I still get so bad at that fucking teacher I don’t even remember her name but#she pissed me off so bad cause she paired me with the two guys who always made fun of me just bc I was smart and they were annoying. anyways#depression and adhd and boredom happened and I almost failed that class but still passed in the end and then in junior year during covid#I was taking a biology class and an anatomy class that was supposed to be seniors (seniors did the advanced class and they offered regular#class to select juniors) and I ended up being the ONLY junior who wasn’t doing the advanced course. like. everyone else got assignments and#I had to ask hey what’s the easy version of that assignment cause I’m technically in the easy class even tho we’re in the same class period#and then Covid and I stopped caring at all about anhthing and then dropped out of school and moved down the entire coast so yknow.#I never stood a chance at being good at science but I’m realizing I might actually be passionate about it cause I have been since I was#little I just kind of ignored it and forgot but like. for one birthday I got a telescope and for one Christmas I got a microscope. like it’s#well known to everyone but me that I like science apparently oh my god what’s wrong with my brain !!!! anyways.#I like science now it’s weird to feel passionate about learning I haven’t done that in a long time#oh my god when I took my GED test my highest score was in SCIENCE AND NOT ENGLISH#THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS I LOVE SCIENCE WHY AM I NOT DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE RELATED TO SCIENCE
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reesestshirt · 3 months
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When I was in middle school, I tried to learn how to crochet. I knew how to knit already, so I figured ‘how hard could it be’ and used my Christmas money on a brand new set of aluminum hooks and a how-to book.
To say it was difficult was an understatement. I spent hours pouring over my book, begging to gain some inkling of understanding from what felt like incomprehensible runes. My reward? One lopsided trapezoid of lumpy fabric and a resolve to never pick up a crochet hook again.
And so life went on, I finished middle school and high school without giving crochet so much as a second glance. In college, I read about how crochet couldn’t be replicated by a machine, it was unique in a way that knitting and many other fiber arts weren’t.
For Christmas last year, my girlfriend gave me what I now consider to be my most prized possession: a crocheted plush of my favorite pokemon. I raved over her skills and, since she never learned how to knit, we decided to have a yarn date at some point and teach each other our respective skills.
We never did get around to that yarn date. She passed a few months after our declaration, leaving me to inherit what was left of her yarn.
Nearly a decade after my initial attempt, I got ready for the toughest battle of my life. My weapons? One skein of yarn, a YouTube video, and a crochet hook that I had somehow never gotten rid of.
I slowly made my way through the video, redoing my work a couple times until I was satisfied with my product: a small, slightly misshapen rectangle.
I looked at my pristinely-made pokemon plush with hope for the first time in months and thought to myself, ‘maybe crocheting isn’t the hardest thing in the world, maybe you were just 12.’
Maybe this isn’t the hardest thing in the world. Maybe I’m just 21.
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munsonsbtch · 6 months
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okay but can what about reader who loses her mind during doggy style, she’s got a “cock drunk” button and her mouth just won’t stop so she mostly sticks to being on top or eddie on top because she just gets so embarrassed until one day they are play wrestling and Eddie pins her face down with her hands behind her back and she hears his belt coming undone and she just goes “uh oh i’m in danger”
dirty girl - e.m.
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eddie munson x shy fem reader
nikki i am dead pls send your condolences. also thank you dolly and gia for the smutception idea ilysm
18+ ONLY MINORS FUCK OFF!!!
warnings: reader is secretly a horny shit, fingering, unprotected penetrative sex, squirting, creampie, dirty talk, daddy kink, eddie is too stunned to speak
divider credit: @firefly-graphics
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You were never one to be very vocal in the bedroom.
Mostly because you felt too shy to do anything other than moan. Your boyfriend on the other hand was an absolute menace, he couldn’t stop talking when he was buried inside you. But the truth of the matter was you could be extremely vocal… but Eddie has only gotten it to come out once. And even then it was very tame compared to what you had actually wanted to let escape. It was the first time he’d taken you from behind, and it was the most you’d ever spoken whilst tangled in the sheets. Since then it’s all Eddie could think about, but he never wanted to pressure you into anything.
So you stuck with riding him or him being on top, knowing you’d be mortified if you let him in on all the dirty thoughts swirling through your head. It was just something about that position that made you lose any semblance of self control. And it was something that your boyfriend was desperate to have happen again. You just both weren’t fully prepared for it to happen so soon, and so unexpectedly. Or for such an absolutely embarrassing reason. You had come over to help him study for his English exam, the book was The Scarlet Letter, one you knew well.
You felt so sad that he didn’t get to graduate with you the year before, so you were determined to make sure that 86’ really was his year. You currently found yourself in his kitchen, attempting to prepare a snack for the two of you. Eddie had taken it upon himself to dig through your bag, to grab out your copy of the novel. But what he found instead made your ears burn with embarrassment. It was a stupid romance novel, one with a bare chested man clutching a scantily clad woman on the cover. The ones with the horrendously written sex scenes, that you found yourself reading anyway.
You could hear your boyfriend giggling in the other room, and you immediately knew he had found something that wasn’t meant for him. With a groan you took the bowl of popcorn and your sodas into the living room. All the blood rushing to your cheeks and ears as you saw the book open in his hands. His nimble fingers flicking through the worn pages until he seems to find the perfect one. His chocolate hues look up to meet yours, a mischievous smile on playing on his lips. When he spoke he used his dungeon master voice, causing you further embarrassment.
“His member was throbbing against her thigh, her breasts pressing up against his bare chest…. Her body was quivering in need for him. ‘Please take me sir knight! I cannot wait another minute more!’ .”
He was really playing it up, as you basically dropped the snacks onto the coffee table before rushing over to him. The popcorn had spilled over, but you didn’t have time to care. Eddie was quicker than you though, the book now being held hostage high up above your head. Due to your stark height difference you were not able to reach it, attempting to jump up and grab the pages from his grasp.
“Eddie come on! Give it back!”
You whined as he just laughs, running around the living room as you continued to chase him. The constant circles were making you both dizzy, but it gave you the opportunity to grab the book from his hands. You didn’t make it very far though, as the brunette basically tackles you to the ground. In your tumble to the carpet he had gotten the book again, now straddling your hips. He sat his full weight down onto you, as he continued reading.
“His hard member finally thrusted into her, her body sprawled out on the silk sheets. Her moans filled the knight’s chamber—”
You bucked your hips up with as much force as you could muster, knocking your boyfriend off of you. Eddie was stunned for a moment, back laying flat on the carpet. The abrupt movement caused the book to go flying out of his hands, quickly flipping yourself over to crawl towards it. But his hands had grabbed your ankles, pulling you back towards him. The action startled you, as your fell face first onto the carpet. Eddie is quick to grab both of your wrists, pinning them behind your back. He’s able to hold them with one hand, as you continued to struggle beneath him.
In an attempt to get back up, your back was now arched with your ass in the air. You were both out of breath, panting as you felt Eddie shifting closer to you. His crotch was now flush against your ass, and you instantly felt how excited this had made him. You couldn’t help but whimper slightly, as he pressed his erection further against you. The clink of his belt unbuckling behind you made you clench your thighs together. Feeling the wetness already pooling between your legs at his actions. Through your aroused state you couldn’t help but panic slightly.
It was hard enough the last time he had fucked you in this position to hold back, so you knew you were in trouble. But you were already in too deep to turn back now, you wanted him too badly. Eddie groans as you rock your hips back, his free hand flipping up the fabric of your skirt. You hear his zipper pulling down, his hand releasing yours to pull your panties aside. Your breath hitches as his fingers slip through your wet folds, easily finding your bundle of nerves.
“You like that huh?”
His tone has shifted, all the silliness from moments before now completely gone. Your hands have fallen by your face, in an attempt to hold yourself up. Eddie’s fingers have now slipped inside you, a soft moan escaping you as they fill you to the brim. You are holding yourself together pretty well, but you didn’t trust your voice just yet. But your boyfriend was desperate to get something out of you.
“Come on my shy girl, can you tell me what you want?”
His fingers curl up and hit that sweet spot inside you, your barriers beginning to crack with each thrust of his fingers.
“Fuck me Eddie.”
He hums in approval, removing his fingers from inside you. You whimper at the loss, hearing him sucking your arousal from the digits. The noise was absolutely filthy, but it made you shiver in anticipation. Eddie’s hands don’t leave you for long though, yanking your panties down your thighs. He’s clearly in a rush as he doesn’t bother to take them off fully, as the fabric pools at your knees. You can feel the tip of his cock brushing through your folds, slightly teasing you. But the feeling of him slowly thrusting inside is what breaks you, a loud moan ripping past your lips. Eddie stills at the sound, a little shocked by the volume.
“Don’t f-fucking stop.”
You mewl, pushing your hips back to take him even deeper. Eddie seems to snap out of his surprised stupor pretty quickly though, grabbing your hips as he thrusts harshly into you. Your fingers are digging into the shag carpet beneath you, his cock burying itself so deep inside you with each snap of his hips. You felt absolutely drunk off of the feeling already, grinding your hips back. Any semblance of a filter was now gone as he continued to ram into your sweet spot repeatedly.
“So deep Eddie… god can almost feel you in my fucking throat baby.”
Your boyfriend can’t help but still his hips again, shock crossing his features at your dirty words. It was so out of character compared to your usual shy personality. This was the most vocal you had ever been for him, but little did he know you were just getting started. You groan in frustration at the interruption, starting to fuck yourself back onto his cock. Eddie just grips your hips tighter, watching as you desperately take every inch of him. But your actions weren’t giving you the same relief, needing him to move.
“Need it harder, please fuck me daddy. Wanna cum all over your cock.”
Now you had definitely never called him that before, but it stirred something deep within him. Eddie almost liked the title better than his own name. The brunette nearly growled, his hands gripping your hips so hard you know you’d find bruises the next day. But you certainly wouldn’t mind the reminder, as he thrust himself back into you. Your eyes nearly roll back at the feeling, a borderline pornographic moan falling from your lips. This was the most quiet he’d ever been while inside you, if you weren’t so turned on you might have been concerned.
“Fuck right there daddy… god you feel so good.”
The sounds of your skin slapping together and your arousal fill the small trailer, Eddie thanking whatever higher power that was out there that his uncle had taken an evening shift. Your sounds were only getting louder the harder he fucked you, feeling that tightness in your lower belly. You weren’t going to last much longer, this angle letting him hit areas you didn’t realize existed until now. Moving a hand down to your clit you start rubbing at the sensitive nub, clenching harder around him. Eddie only picks up his pace, hitting that spot that has you seeing stars.
“Fuckfuckfuck gonna c-cum Eds.”
That’s all the warning you can give him before your orgasm tears through you, the force of it pushing his cock almost out of you completely. There was an overwhelming wetness now coating both your thighs, and his jeans. Your brain is too fuzzy to realize what just happened, legs shaking as you slump forward onto the carpet. Despite the mind numbing orgasm he just gave you, you needed more. Your hips move back again, a whine spilling from your throat.
“Jesus fucking Christ sweetheart… you need more?”
You wiggle your hips, attempting to get your brain to function properly before answering him. But he doesn’t give you much time, sliding back inside your soaked entrance. The wet sounds of his thrusts would have made you blush under normal circumstances, but it’s only turning you on more.
“More… n-need you to cum inside me.”
You whimper, feeling a little overstimulated but needy nonetheless. He is once again stunned into silence, focusing all his energy on not busting his load too quickly. He’s gotten you this vocal and he made you squirt… Eddie feels like he’s won the fucking lottery. His pace has slowed down slightly, mostly so he could make you cum again. The male doesn’t even care as much about his own release, desperate to make you scream for him.
“God you’re so sexy… think you can cum for daddy one more time sweetheart?”
The sound of the title falling from his lips makes you lose any sanity you had left. Desperately fucking yourself back onto his cock. Eddie seems to regain some of his confidence, grabbing your neck to pull you flush against his chest. The new position only brings him deeper inside, your head falling back onto his shoulder.
“Faster! Need it faster please.”
Eddie’s lips have now attached themselves to the skin of your neck, his hips quickening their pace. His thighs are already starting to burn from the effort but he doesn’t care. The male would do anything you told him to right now. His fingers are sliding down your hips, slipping up under your skirt to rub at your bundle of nerves. Your eyes squeezing shut as you feel your second orgasm approaching. With how much you’re tightening around him, Eddie isn’t going last much longer. You feel him twitching inside you, groaning into the skin of your neck.
“Atta girl…”
You whimper in response, gripping his forearm as that wave of bliss crashes over you again. Your thighs are trembling, nails digging so hard into his skin you know you’d left your own marks on him. You don’t realize you’ve screamed his name until Eddie starts cursing, his hips faltering in their movements.
“God yes… fill me up daddy, wanna feel your cum dripping out of me.”
That’s all it takes for your boyfriend to fall apart, a strangled gasp leaving him as he spills inside you. Eddie continues to fuck his cum into you, as he rides out his own high. His thighs however have finally had enough, as he finally stops keeping himself buried at your deepest point. You shift a little, feeling a little too sensitive. Eddie gently slips out of you, coaxing you back onto the carpet before he joins you. He eagerly pulls you onto his chest, your head now resting against it. You can hear his heart racing beneath his shirt, his chest still rising and falling as he attempts to catch his breath.
“Why in the hell have you kept that hidden away from me sweets?”
You feel yourself flush, the reality of what just happened finally setting in. As you attempt to bury your face in his neck he stops you, gently tilting your chin up to meet his darkened hues. Eddie’s grinning from ear to ear, dimples making an appearance on his face. You’ve never seen him so giddy, except for maybe if he had a new campaign he was working on. But even then, this has him way more excited.
“I was embarrassed… you know how shy I am.”
You whisper, feeling his chest rumble beneath you as he chuckles. Eddie’s thumb brushes over the hot skin of your cheek, leaning down to press a firm kiss to your lips.
“Well you aren’t hiding that away again baby… Jesus.”
You can’t help but giggle at his reaction suddenly feeling a little bold.
“Is that so… daddy?”
You can feel him beginning to harden against your thigh, another giggle escaping you as you straddle his waist. Eddie stares up at you in awe, his hands resting on your hips once more. His chocolate hues filling with a familiar hunger.
“You’re going to be the death of me sweetheart.”
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tagging: @onegirlmanytales @probablyin-bed @xxhellfiregirlxx @lilthbunny @changemunson @xx-ghostiebxby-xx @tlclick73 @thebejeweledwatercat @tylevx @shifts-for-men
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multific · 2 months
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In Sickness and In Health
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Paul Atreides x Reader
Summary: Paul fears leaving you while you are sick.
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Paul hated to leave you alone, especially since you haven't been feeling so well lately.
Paul knew he needed to go with his father, but he didn't want to.
"I will take care of her." his mother tried her best to reassure him, but Paul was worried.
The love of his life, his beautiful wife has been forced to bedrest for the last few days.
The doctors examined you and determined that you had a simple illness.
A simple one, yet you suffered greatly because of it.
You had a high fever, you could barely eat and sleep was a difficult task.
You were separated from Paul the second day of your illness, now, he was only allowed to visit you.
He was kind enough to bring you books or read you some of his own.
"You must go, Paul, your father expects you to."
"I do not care. I don't wish to leave you alone."
"I understand, but I will be fine, I do feel better already, so please, don't worry too much."
"My mother said she will visit you often," he said as his grip tightened around the book he was reading to you. "I still don't want to leave you." he promised to be by your side, in sickness and in health.
"I will be fine." you said with a smile. Your smile made him believe that it might be all fine after all.
Yet, his worry never left him.
The next day, he left with his father.
Lady Jessica kept her promise and visited as often as she could.
You even started conversations with her. And she did enjoy talking about Paul when he was young.
Then, she even mentioned her marriage, and how she wished you and Paul wouldn't have to face the same or similar difficulties.
The week soon passed, and you were much better as you awaited Paul's return.
And soon enough, you were told that he was landing.
You rushed over, by the time you got there Paul was already off the ship, making his way to you.
"Paul!" you smiled as you slowly jogged over to him, he fully started running.
You opened your arms and wrapped them around him as he lifted you off the ground. You giggled into his ear.
"I'm so happy to see you." he said. "You look so much better."
"Your mother gave me a special tea, it truly helped," you said as he finally put you down on the ground and kissed you.
"I missed you so much." he said and you laughed a little.
"I missed you, Paul."
Paul never felt so relieved in his entire life. He was worried about coming back, so when he saw you, full of life and smiles, running over to him, the weight from his shoulders just disappeared.
All his worries left his body in a matter of seconds.
He held onto you tight and strong, afraid to let you leave his sight as he watched your face, full of life, your eyes, filled with love as you looked at him.
Not even in his best dreams did he ever imagine coming back home and finding you like this.
He was forever grateful for his mother for healing you.
He made a vow to never leave your side ever again, and it is a promise Paul intends to keep for the rest of his life.
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Taglist: @castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou @mandoloriancookie @brascaris @il0vebeingdelulu @deliciousfestsalad @groovyqueer
~Masterlist~
ˇAO3ˇ
/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE OR REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/
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kamaluhkhan · 3 months
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anti-curse
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pairing: percy jackson x daughter of apollo!reader
summary: whether he knew it or not, percy jackson made the world a better, brighter place — and you intend to protect him, no matter what path the fates leads you down. fuck prophetic dreams. the future wasn't written in stone.
warnings/disclaimers: mentions of typical demigod things (battles, weapons, etc.); this is set during the heroes of olympus series so roughly follows that plot + features the seven demigods; mainly inspired by book!percy (dark hair, sea green eyes) bc that's the one i fell in love w growing up; characters are aged up from the book (reader + percy are meant to be 21-22 y/o) bc i imagine there was more time between prophecies/series....anyways, please enjoy <3
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when you first met percy jackson, he almost shot you through the chest with an arrow.
given that apollo is your godly parent, you often found yourself at the archery field, which happened to be one of the first stops on percy’s tour of camp half-blood. after that first mishap, your other half-siblings were, understandably, too scared to let percy try again — frankly chiron seemed a bit hesitant as well — and you could sense that percy felt disheartened. so, you flashed the boy a reassuring smile before giving him a few pointers and a second chance. when he smiled back at you, you felt a fluttering in your stomach that told you percy jackson would be more than a little important in your life.
archery still wasn't percy's strong suit, but your gut feeling turned out to be true. you and percy had dealt with a lot since then — a handful of quests, several prophecies, more than a few near-death experiences, a titan war, and, maybe worst of all, high school. you couldn't imagine getting through any of it without him by your side, and you knew the feeling was mutual.
so, you were entirely anticipating that percy would be hurt by your announcement during dinner. 
“no way that’s happening.” percy laughs, as if he can’t believe you’d suggest something as ridiculous as not having him accompany you on your quest. he remains unfazed, takes a sip of his electric blue coke before gesturing to the empty seat next to him. “come on, sunshine. have something to eat.”
the nickname sends your heart into a frenzy as you sit next to him. you and percy had never been anything other than friends, but sometimes....sometimes you look at his dangerous ocean eyes and wind-swept dark hair and it makes you blush. sometimes you consider the way his laughter fills you with warmth and his smile holds a thousand memories, the way he teases and winks at you and you decide that he makes your world so much brighter. sometimes you remember how sarcastic and thoughtful and loyal and reckless he is, his heart of gold and unpredictability of the sea. and you start to think that maybe possibly you'd fallen in love with your best friend.
that was not the issue at hand, though. you summon your favourite food and drink, but don't particularly feel like having either. percy returns to his conversation with hazel about how the two of you would drive up to montauk after you finally got your license, any time either of you needed to escape your reality, even just for a night. you'd sit on the beach, stargazing and roasting stale marshmallows and wishing to stay there forever. hazel seems to think that sounds like a nice escape, and percy promises that once the eight of you fulfill this prophecy, you'll all go to the beach house together, which makes hazel break out into a grin.
you can't help but smile at percy who loves his friends, who has loved you for so long. that feeling is quickly replaced by a pang in your chest that reminds you what's at stake. from the corner of your eye, you notice annabeth across from you, who looks at you like you’re a puzzle she can’t quite solve. you're trying to hide it, but if anyone can read you better than percy, it's annabeth. she knows something is weighing on your mind. you briefly lock eyes with jason, who you had gone to earlier for help, from the other side of the room, where he sits between piper and frank. 
if you weren’t so distracted, you would have been able to enjoy dinner. the eight of you — all demigods of the current great prophecy — hadn’t been all together in a while, and it was nice to share a meal aboard the argo ii despite the reality of why you’d all been traveling together. leo had equipped the ship with magic plates and cups, and with the lively jokes and stories filling the air, you could almost imagine it was an ordinary summer evening at camp. you could almost forget that tomorrow, you had to go on a quest to rescue apollo and artemis from python, a monster so powerful your father barely defeated him thousands of years ago. you could almost ignore the impending war with gaea and the giants, and the doomed fate of the world if you were to fail. the one thing you could no longer ignore, however, is the gut feeling you have about the fate of the boy sitting next to you if your quest is to unfold the way you had first planned it. 
you clear your throat, an attempt to interrupt the group's conversations. 
“i was serious earlier,” you declare. “you’re not coming with me, percy. jason is.”
the smile percy had on his face fades. his eyes are filled with concern and disbelief, as he glances at you. “i – i don’t understand.”
"percy,” jason jumps in carefully, aware that he’s treading through dangerous waters like you had warned him. “y/n and i were strategizing earlier and it seems to make the most sense, given our powers combined." 
percy shakes his head. “but — but you can’t just make last minute changes. we’ve already got everything set. right, valdez?”
leo shrugs, swallowing a mouthful of chicken before responding. “i don’t know, man. i’m no expert in quests, but it seems like i’m not the one who should be deciding this.” leo looks at you, and you nod gratefully.
you've been on edge since last night, and to calm your nerves you fiddle with the gold chain around your neck. it was a gift from your father: a necklace with a music note charm that can transform into an electric guitar or a bow and quiver. thankfully, you hadn't had to need both at the same time.
“it's up to me. and i want leo and jason to come with me.”
“then i’ll come too,” percy's voice remains calm, but insistant.
“isn’t there that thing about quests usually being done in threes?”
“that is true, piper,” percy agrees. he tilts his head towards you, like he's calling on you to remember. "exceptions have been made, though. like that one time with zoe." that had been years ago, when demigods from camp half-blood and hunters of artemis joined forces. five had been sent out on a quest, but only three came back. you shiver at the thought.
"or my quest through the labyrinth," annabeth recalls.
"but won't that also change our other plans, though?" hazel asks.
"not necessarily," you pipe in, your voice more assertive. "if jason and percy just switch. no harm done."
"we're not interchangeable," percy grumbles.
"hera sure seemed to think so!" leo searches the room for positive responses to his joke, but the most he gets is a half-hearted laugh from frank. "too soon?"
you take a deep breath. "it's not a big deal, really."
"it kind of is," percy counters. "you've never gone on a quest without me."
"you've gone on quests without me," you point out.
"that's...that's different."
"why? because i'm so weak that i need the son of the sea god to protect me at all times?"
you're giving percy the coldest stare you ever have. he hesitates to hold your gaze.
"you know that's not what i meant," he sighs.
"then what did you mean?"
percy looks at you, his eyes and tone softer. “look, sunshine, let's just stick with the plan, alright? we can just —”
“gods, you never listen, do you?" you finally snap. "you're not coming! i don’t want you there, percy!”
percy stares at you, stunned. you look around the table, and everyone looks back at you, wide-eyed. they weren’t used to this side of you, your sudden outburst not fitting in with your usually sunny disposition. 
“well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” leo jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood, with less than ideal results.
“you saw something in your dreams, didn’t you?” annabeth realizes. 
her conclusion makes you freeze.
demigod dreams are always significant, carrying vivid images of monsters, messages from friends or enemies. some children of apollo like you had visions of the future — pseudo prophecies that are supposedly set to unfold given the path you’re on. technically, you weren’t supposed to share your visions, something about messing with fate or destiny, but that didn’t mean you had to accept the way things were. 
what you saw in your dreams last night, what might happen to percy, made your blood run cold.
you would defy all the laws of the universe and divine rules if it meant you could protect him. so fuck the path the fates are attempting to lead you down, and fuck prophetic dreams. you refuse to let percy die. no matter how frustrated you’re acting towards him in this moment, you know he would still do the same for you.
you figure that the future isn't written in stone, right?
either way, you're willing to challenge destiny for percy jackson.
without answering annabeth, you get up from the table and take a deep breath, carefully avoiding percy’s gaze. 
“i go with leo and jason, or i go alone.” your voice is steady, fighting the heavy beating of your heart and tears caught in your throat. “either way, i leave in the morning.” you exit the mess hall before anyone — before percy — can protest.
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urhoneycombwitch · 2 months
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ovulation is INSANE
imagine trying to explain ovulation to Eddie as "my body is evil and it wants to get me pregnant" and you have to preface the week like "if I tell you not to use a condom, do NOT listen to me, it's the demons" because you're horny but don't wanna take any chances and he's like... ah, the demons... interesting... so can I still hit or...?
+18 mdni, cw for cumming inside that hasn't been prev discussed, daddy & breeding kink 🫣
you explain it to him and he goes "oh right like the plot in The Silver Chair." and you're like...?? and then in true Eddie fashion he goes on a ten-minute descriptive story rant about some old book that he read back in grade school where a character was cursed to be confined to a chair and no matter how hard he pleaded no one was allowed to break the spell.
or something. ur not really paying attention because Eddie looks so engaging as he speaks, all doey eyes and big hand movements and curly mane of hair that he shakes out to emphasize his points. it really shouldn't come as a surprise to him when you throw yourself across the couch and into his lap as soon as he's done with the story (he recovers quickly and valiantly, have no fear)
and he's never seen you like this before, desperation leaving no room for a proper dressing down- his pants and boxers are shoved to just his mid-thigh, your panties still on but hooked to one side so you can ride him, with quick rolls of your plush hips that he's currently gripping for dear life.
"fuck, sweetheart," he's gasping out, watching your eyebrows pinch together and your mouth part in a soft O, familiar signs of impending orgasm. "already?"
"told you..." you're swallowing down a whimper so you can speak, gathering the strands of hair at the nape of Eddie's neck between your fingers, his head lolling back against the couch, pliant under your touch. "ovulation horny is a- shit, right there- different beast..."
since you're the one riding, you're doing most of the physical work, but Eddie manages to angle up into that spot that makes your walls clench, his feet planted firmly on the ground to support your weight.
you're so close, he can see it in the way your eyes glaze over and thighs tremble. he's watching you with tipped-back head, half-lidded eyes, staving off his own release to get you to break first when he gets an idea.
"you like riding my cock, baby?" he purrs out, one of his hands leaving your hip to rest warm against your stomach. "want me to fill you up? get you good and pregnant? make you mine?"
any worry that he has about your reaction to this melts away with your moans, the idea shooting straight to your core as you shift your hips faster, pleasure mounting.
"that's it, honey," Eddie encourages, panting out your praises as he feels your walls spasming, choking his cock. "come for daddy and he'll fill you up, just like you w-"
he's cut off by your long, low groan as you obey his words, crushing your forehead against his as he helps you ride out your high. you're gushing around his cock that's quick to follow your lead, spilling his seed deep into you with a throaty groan of his own.
you're both covered in a light sheen of sweat as you come down from your highs, soft laughs mingling as you find your breath again.
"bet that didn't happen in your Silver Chair book," you chuckle, pulling back to press a kiss against Eddie's slack jaw.
"C.S. Lewis can go fuck himself," Eddie says, smoothing a hand down the slope of your back. "got the best plot ever right here."
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c0pkiller · 3 months
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PRINCESS TREATMENT + When Gojo finds out that the books you've always got your nose buried in are actually smut, there's no way he's gonna keep your secret. Available on ao3.
CONTENT WARNINGS + afab reader, smut, mature language, explicit adult content, general submissive/dominant behavior, teasing, satoru is a bully fr, threesome, vaginal fingering, masturbation, assited masturbation, cum eating, cum swallowing, no sex yet sorry :(((, wc: ~6k
TAGS: @ekaterinatepes @dellalyra @sunaishotsstuff @bloompompom @ravereina @tojishugetiddies @i-literally-cant-with-this @hehehehesthings @thecookiebratz @chocoyanchan @niko-ash @hinata7346 @r0ckst4rjk @d4ddies-wh0re @ploylulla @131patpat @etlftl @doestalker @chariottethecat @jottositto @missphanosaur18 @darkstarlight82 @sodoney @xocherishxo @doumacumsluttt
more content on my masterlist!
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Okay so this is meant to be my 5k fic but I've actually been writing it slowly, I failed my math exam by literally one point so I've been studying for my retest and working holiday hours at work so yeah I'm moving really slow on this.
Ty to all 5k of you who follow me. I can't put into words how much I appreciate all of you. Thank you so much for loving my writing and tysm for giving my writing your precious time. This last year I've spent writing on here has been a very happy time in my life 💞
You’ve been teaching at Jujutsu Tech for a few years now, along with your old classmates. Throughout the years, you’ve all developed a close friendship, but you haven’t changed much since your high school days. You’re still the quiet girl that prefers to be alone and left to read whichever book has captivated you. Still, somehow your group of friends manage to pull you out of your comfort zone. 
Today is no different. Class is out but the summer rain, and your inability to remember to grab your umbrella before leaving the house every morning, has you stuck under the awning of the school waiting for the cloudburst to pass. As always, your nose is buried in a book and (again, as always) your oldest friend is by your side teasing you about being such a bookworm. “Still not gonna tell me what you’re reading, Y/N?” He pokes your side multiple times, in an attempt to break your concentration.  
Satoru makes a displeased sound when you wave him off. You sigh, returning your gaze to the novel before you and do your best to shield it from the persistent raindrops threatening to mar the pristine pages. Thunder crackles against the grey sky and with that, Gojo silences behind you. The rain lets up after a few minutes and you shut your book and reach for your bag behind you. Your hand bumps him when you do so, showing how closely he was standing behind you. “Sorry,” You begin without even thinking of the implication of Satoru standing so close to you as anything to be concerned about at first but when you think back on the pages you just read, worry creeps over you.  
“’S okay. Let me walk you home.” He smiles, grinning ear to ear like the Chesshire cat he is. Your friend seems like he’s being friendly, which isn’t out of the ordinary for him, but there’s something to the giddy stride he’s got. You want to puzzle out the thoughts crossing through your mind, like if he was reading over your shoulder and how long he was; if he saw the type of smut you were blatantly reading in public, but he speaks up once again. “You’re hanging out with Suguru and I again this weekend, right?” You throw your suspicions away for good and nod your head.  
The two of them had asked you and Shoko if you wanted to see a movie on Sunday. “One of my crackhead students was talking about this movie that doesn’t sound too bad. Human Earthworm.” He suggests. You can’t help but crinkle your nose at the movie title. Of course, Satoru would find interest in something that sounds so dumb.  
“No one’s gonna go for that.” You roll your eyes. The two of you walk along the side walk, occasionally moving further in when a car looks to speeding too close to puddles. The sun fades away and Satoru spouts about a plan to convince your other two colleagues into watching the juvenile movie. He drops you off at your doorstep and bids goodbye with his signature grin. “Night, Y/N!” He shouts, retreating into the night. Everything about Gojo’s energy is business as usual. He doesn’t give you any reason to think that he may have seen your shameful hobby earlier, so you let it go and promise yourself to be a little more careful with what you read around him. 
Once again, as some vengeful goddess is playing a sick joke on you, you end up being alone with Gojo once again. It’s not that you don’t want to be alone with him. You love your friend but after the incident that's lead you to believe that he may have caught you reading smut, you feel awkward around him. It’s got you afraid to crack the spine on the novel in public now and that’s your only escape these days. His nosiness is frustrating.  
He skips up to the front of the theater to meet you once again. You were the first one to arrive at the theater, bag with your sinful novel slung over your shoulder. His eyes can see straight through the fabric and make out a few filthy words. Your bookmark is way further in than it was the last time he saw. That tell-tale grin makes its way onto his face. “It’s not like you to be the first one to arrive Y/N-kun.” He grins in your face and pokes your cheek teasingly, knowledge of you being much more dirty-minded than you let on making him a lot more unabashed about teasing you.  
If he’s being honest, his thoughts have been in less innocent places since he read those few paragraphs over your shoulder that day. Imagine that: his favorite little coworker, too quiet to utter a word most of the time, reading hardcore porn in public like that and probably reading it every day. Imagine that! Little mousey you, reading the filthiest gangbang he’s ever read in his life. And, yeah, he’s guilty of going home and googling that book that night. Never in his wildest fantasies would he have guessed something like this from you.  
Satoru has to stop himself from visualizing you reading chapter after chapter of this slutty little book and then fucking yourself after getting all riled up – smothering soft moans in the back of your hand so your neighbors don’t hear you. As much as he doesn’t want to, he pushes those thoughts away. Wouldn’t do to pop a boner right here on the sidewalk. “Surprised you don’t have your nose buried in that book again.” He smirks, all but confessing to what you’ve suspected over the last twelve hours. Your eyes widen and your lips part to confront him before you can talk yourself out of it, but you’re interrupted quickly.  
“Satoru! Y/N!” You hear Shoko’s voice sound through the air, even over the noise of the bustling streets and it cuts you off from greeting Gojo back – effectively cementing the awkward atmosphere between you for the rest of the afternoon. Shoko approaches you and asks how you’re doing while Suguru, who arrived with her, pairs off with Satoru and you can’t help but worry that your little secret isn’t going to be so secret for much longer.  
Shoko mutters something about getting the tickets while they get the snacks and takes your hand and pulls you along with her and you two walk away from the guys. “Gojo talked Geto choosing that stupid movie. The one about the centipede or whatever. Gives me chills just thinking about it but I figured it’s only two hours so why bother arguing it. You get it, right?” She pops a cherry-flavored lollipop in her mouth and shrugs her shoulders.  
To be completely honest, you don’t care about what you guys see, even if it’s something gross and stupid. You’re more uneasy about spending two hours confined to a seat in a dark room with Satoru while you worry about whether or not he’s telling Suguru about what he caught you reading. Satoru’s a real pervert. You know that. The planet knows that. But how will your other friends react? Would they be disgusted that you’re able to read something like that so casually around them? Would they be annoyed that you read that type of thing rather than engaging with them like a normal person would? How would they feel to find out that you read those books at work and in proximity to your own students? The guilt slowly wraps his fists around your throat, and you make your way through the theater with your friends in what feels like a dreamlike state.  
You avoid azure and onyx eyes that seem to see straight through you the entire way to your seats and you don’t miss the way Gojo seems to bask in how clueless Shoko is to his teasing, even though she’s undoubtably the cleverest one of the group. That seems to be the green light for him to taunt you for your literary choices as much as he wants. “You look bored, Y/N.” He whispers, a faux frown on his expression. “Guess you’d rather watch something else. Like Fifty Shades of Grey?” His voice goes unnoticed by everyone but you. Your blood chills at the words he chooses, and it takes all of your energy to keep your resolve and not confront him for teasing you mercilessly. He’s an adult just like you are. He should be aware that sometimes adults like to read things like that, for sexual health and pent up frustration.  
Gojo lets a few similar comments fly out of his mouth that moves too much but you do a good job of ignoring him throughout the entire movie (that explains why your students act the way they do all the time) and you want to pat yourself on the back for all of your self-control. When the four of you step back into the humid air, a cluster of storm clouds have settled over the area and the sidewalks have cleared in preparation for the rain. “Alright, clowns,” Shoko addresses the two males of your friend group. “I have some stuff to grab in the area so the least you could do is walk her home.” Your friend points towards you.  
“Of course!” Suguru wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you close to him. “You don’t have to demand it, Ieiri! We’ll escort her.” He smiles with just as much faux innocence as Satoru. Shoko seems to find the jovial response agreeable and pats you on the head, bidding goodbye and rolling her eyes at the two men that have made her spend the last two hours of her life watching the worst movie ever created.  
The three of you share a look, the one between them much more knowing than the one they share with you. You all walk underneath orange streetlamps, feeling the beginnings of rain soak through your clothes drop by drop.  
By the time the three of you make it to your doorstep, the rain is really coming down. You all rush underneath the awning as you struggle to turn the key, frost freezing the door lock a bit. As soon as the door is open, you and your friends push your way inside – Satoru and Suguru inviting themselves in to warm up. Suguru smiles and thanks you, assuring that they’ll only stay until the rain. Satoru asks you to put on some tea. Ordinarily, you wouldn’t mind but these two men are the strongest beings alive. They don’t have to worry about coming down with the case of the sniffles. You feel a bit plotted against by the two men.  
They drop themselves down on the floor, expectantly waiting for you to finish the tea and crack jokes between each other, Suguru playfully punching Satoru in the arm when he says something out of line. You know that they both know what you read and you’re just waiting for them to make fun of you somehow. You’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop at this point, and you can’t even be upset about it because you’re a little relieved they waited to get you alone to bully you over the smut. 
The two men begin whispering between each other before you hear Satoru speak up and address you. “Hey Y/N, do you have anything else to drink here? Any alcohol? I’ll take some of that instead!” He cracks a grin.  
You don’t drink often but you do have some strawberry wine in the pantry for the occasion that you do. Gojo rhythmically taps the tabletop and exclaims, saying that he could use something kind of sweet. “I guess I’ll have a glass too so this jackass doesn’t have to drink alone.” Geto chimes in, providing a courteous smile. 
You don’t mention how annoying they’re both being, just glance out the window at the downpour that’s seen to come out of nowhere before moving to get the wine from the pantry. You pour two equal glasses of clear pink liquid and blow out an exasperated breath before heading into the living room to set the stemless wine glasses in front of the men. “Aw, you’re not drinking with us?” Satoru whines at you. You’ve gone out drinking with the two before in groups but you feel like the energy has changed a lot ever since they’ve found out about your less than innocent reading habits. 
But they’ve been in your place for a few minutes. Neither of them have parted their lips to tease you, judge you, or mention anything about it. Maybe you haven’t given Gojo nearly enough credit. Maybe he didn’t even tell Suguru about what he found out – which would be hard for you to believe because they’ve been best friends their entire lives and they tell each other everything. But maybe Gojo plans to keep your little secret private.  
Alright, fine, you’ve talked yourself into pouring a third glass and joining your friends, earning a round of applause from both of them and several cheerful whoops of encouragement. The three of you chat a bit before Satoru, next to you, cracks a promiscuous smile. “So, Suguru,” He taps his fingers rhythmically along his drained glass. You take another sip and Geto polishes his off, cheeks dusted pink to indicate his drunkenness. “Read any good books lately?” You suppress a cough and nearly choke on it. The hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention and you feel your nervous stomach begin to swim laps in your abdomen.  
Your eyes dart between the both of them and you can tell that you’ve played right into their clutches. “Nah, nothing worth talking about. Nothing but plain... clean books.” Suguru answers. “What about you, Satoru?” His voice is conniving, as if he’s playing along with a game that you’d never think he’d be interested in. 
“Bitch, you know I don’t read.” Gojo waves his hand dismissively, prompting them to both look at you instead, lips quivering and ready to beg the same question to you. And you can tell that they’re daring you to lie. They’re daring you to say no and tell a rotten lie. They both know and, guessing by the scheming look on both of the men’s faces, they know that you know too. So everyone sitting around this table knows all of your dirty little secrets? And what they haven’t found out from you, they made good damn guess.  
You bite your lip and finish your wine off, swallowing thickly. “I-” You hiccup. The alcohol goes to your head. It courses in your veins and, when you can’t find the words to defend yourself, hot tears sting your eyes and run down your puffed cheeks. You use your hands to cover your face, trying to hide your shame – although deep down inside you know you have no reason to be ashamed of reading a little erotica.  
“Hey, hey! Don’t cry now!” Suguru calls to you, scooting from his spot on the floor and rounding the table to hug you close to his side. He mutters to his friend that he knew they’d take this too far and punches Gojo in the arm – earning a sneaky chuckle. Geto cradles you in his arms and tries to soothe you to stop you from crying. “We were just teasing a little. We’re sorry, that went too far.” His voice does calm you down.  
You look like his words calm you down but can tell that you might need to hear it from both of them. Truly, he didn’t mean to make you cry or feel bad. There isn’t anything wrong with reading what you like. Gojo just wanted to tease you a little and he played along with the idiot. Geto looks to his best friend, eyes demanding that he say something to comfort you just as he did. 
Satoru kind of takes the hint and clears his throat, thinking about how cute you are for crying so easily over something so dumb and isn’t really even worth crying over and he wonders what else he could get you to cry over. In due time, he thinks. “Y/N~” He follows Suguru’s path and sits on your other side, sidling closely to you. “Don’t be such a baby!” Another punch in the arm from his better half. “I mean, what do you have to be upset over?”  
“It’s embarrassing!” You shout, losing control of your emotions for a moment. You sniffle over and over at the two men that have gone out of their way all day to humiliate. They’re supposed to be your friends. Why are they being such bullies? It’s just a book. They’re just books! Reading them isn’t that bad.  
Satoru tuts at your outburst and shakes his head, alabaster curls ruffling in the movement. “It would be if you were literally anyone else.” He rolls his eyes. “But you’ve got the privilege of being a sexy girl so it’s only hot to catch you reading smut.”  
Suguru looks over at his friend in bewilderment, like his unashamed words have undone every little thing he’s done to calm you down. He glances back down at you, and you look horrified but more intrigued than earlier. "What?” You croak, tears slowing to a stop.  
“Pretty privilege, baby girl.” His words cause a shiver to run down your spine and you hesitantly bite your lips. Sure, these two men are close friends of yours. They’re your colleagues. They’re God-like sorcerers. But they’re still men, and attractive ones at that. You’d have to be blind to not see that. Satoru is being honest. He doesn’t know how to be anything else but the black cat next to you has stayed hesitantly silent, so as to not disturb your fragile sensibilities.  
You want to press him anyway though. You want to know, even if it’s wrong. “Do you both think that?” Suguru hesitates for a moment. He thinks about how he feels, about you, about the book Gojo told him about (the mere sentences depicting a woman being pleasured by five men at the same time), about the situation as a whole and nods. His body heats up and the warmth radiates from him to you.  
He accidentally imagines that situation but with you as the woman in the middle of five men. You're the one being pleased and bought to orgasm after orgasm by all of the men lined up just for a few minutes with a goddess like you, God! You’re his friend, though. How could he think about you so scandalously?  
He clears his mind soon though. Suguru looks back at you and sets his guilt aside for a moment and, for that moment, you’re too pretty not to think about like that. His idiot friend is right. You are the epitome of pretty privilege. Satoru quirks an eyebrow up at his friend when he recognizes the look in his eyes, the lust-filled gaze and nods his head. That’s all Geto really needs to lean closer to you and kiss the corner of your quivering lips. When he pulls his head back, he sees two things. In his peripheral view, his hard-headed best friend grinning ear-to-ear at the impulsiveness of the kiss and your beautiful face wearing a lustful expression – as if to ask for more but too afraid to voice that desire.  
A few seconds pass by in your living room and you can hear a pin drop, even beyond your fearful breathing. “Sugu-” He presses his lips fully on yours and cuts you off, no matter what you were just about to say. That precious strawberry kiss lingers on his lips as he shuts his eyes and makes out with you. The moment you surrender your mouth to him and begin to kiss him back is something that’s going to replay in his head. The last thing he wanted was to make you feel bad about your sexuality and your friend tries to communicate that through the forceful kiss.  
He pulls your arms from their dangling position at your sides and pulls them to rest around his neck. You follow the movements of his body and listen to wordless orders, until you come to sit in his waiting lap; hips starting to move without being told to. Bodies beginning to move against each other with being given explicit order from your brains. You almost want to feel bad about the way you’re making out with Suguru, Satoru sat not three feet away from you letting his hands rub circles on your shoulders.  
Is this all it takes? A glass of wine and a couple of compliments to get you to let them do as they please with your body? What does that say about you? Gojo’s large palms are warm as he massages you, keeping you pliant enough to drunkenly make out with his best friend here in front of him. His dick gets hard like it’s nothing. “Still embarrassed?” He whispers in your ear before landing a kiss of his own on your cartilage.  
You don’t hear the taunts he’s still spouting out, too wrapped up in Geto’s arms wrapped around your body and the roll of his hips. He takes a little while longer than Gojo to get hard, wanting to give you plenty of time to back out before just pressing his clothed dick into you. It’s hard though with you moaning into his mouth, your waist grinding in circles beyond your control and your tits pressed against his chest so he can feel that you’ve been out with them all day and not wearing a bra.  
“You gonna kiss me too or am I still in trouble?” Gojo asks behind you, just daring his hands to travel a few inches lower to grab two handfuls of your healthy chest. You don’t want to pull away from Suguru, loving the fruity kiss you’re sharing but you look back, Gojo’s crystallite eyes are nearly glowing with need and his puppy dog expression would be hard for anyone to reject.  
You can't help yourself, stretching your torso to land your lips on his and lick your tongue into his mouth. Suguru let you take the lead to be a gentleman, but Satoru never claimed to be anything of the sort. He grips the sides of your face and forces his tongue into your warm cavern, exploring every bit of it with the tip and tasting the wine you’ve been sipping all night. The berry-infused room grows hot as you and Gojo sloppily kiss each other and Suguru leaves trails of his saliva along your neck, nipping your skin here and there. He runs low on patience soon though and palms himself through his pants. Your hip movements never falter, and Satoru finally grabs that handful of your tits that he’d been thinking about for the past who knows how many minutes.  
Something about watching his best friend make out with a girl as attractive as you, the two of you exchanging strawberry breaths, is all it takes for Suguru to get harder than he’s ever been in his life – leaving you trapped between two angrily hard cocks. Satoru ruts his erection against your spine and the male in front of you hesitantly pulls his above his waistband – exposing it to the cool air of your apartment.  
“Haa,” He groans, recapturing your attention. You disconnect your lips from Satoru’s and let your eyes wander over Suguru’s pretty cock. He’s got more girth than length and he’s red at the tip, not pink like you imagined he would be. Nestled at the base of the thick cock is a tuft of hair, glistening with precome. He strokes himself and keeps his eyes shut tightly. Your body gets pushed forward with the force of Gojo fucking himself against your back, but it only helps you move your hips to grind your clothed clit against Suguru’s thigh and the scene unfolding between the three of you is raunchier than any Harlequinn book you’ve ever consumed in your adult life.  
Geto flushes, embarrassed that he’s so close to blowing his load after only a few minutes but he can’t help himself. You’re still grinding down on his thigh and he wishes that you were in his lap riding him instead. He wishes it was your pussy wrapped around his cock instead of his own hand. In due time, he thinks. The way you moan when your clit catches on his knee and the way you keep your eyes glued to his cock is all he needs. You cums loads, translucent threads of his seed firing into the air and landing in spurts around your living room.  
The urge to dip your finger into the still running tip of his cock and lick whatever comes off on your hand is so strong, but you know that’s just something you’ve read in a book somewhere. People don’t actually act like that in real life, do they? It doesn’t matter. Suguru is so beautiful this way, stroking himself through his climax and blushing everywhere like he’s never been so humiliated. You listen to your lustful urges and dig a finger into the head of his dick, lapping the excess cum off your fingertip to let your mouth explore the savory taste. “Filthy girl!” Gojo laughs behind you, still fucking his long cock against your back. “If you learned how to act so slutty from reading, then I’m signing up for a library card tomorrow.” He smirks. 
Suguru chuckles at his friend’s lewdness and finally brings himself to pull his hand away from his raw dick. While he’s on the cool down, Gojo is like a kid in a candy store. Suddenly, it’s his birthday and you’re a neatly wrapped present being handed to him after making his wish. The white-blond pulls you out of his friend's lap and turns you to face him, your knees bent towards his body. “Shirt off, now.” He demands.  
He watches you hesitate but hums pleasantly when you pull the fabric off of your body and unsnap your bra without having to be told to. Let’s see if all that reading has paid off now, he thinks. Satoru doesn’t dare make himself wait around before having what he wants. Your breasts bounce every time you breathe and the fact that society says that you must cover this magnificent set of tits with that unflattering blouse every day is like a sin.  
Still, he knows that patience is a virtuous trait and keeps in mind that you’re like a baby deer in the headlights of a semi-truck right now. The last thing he really wants to do is freak you out and send you running back into the safety of the forest. Satoru is gentle when he gives your right breast a light squeeze. He’s slow about it and maintains eye contact with you. “Okay?” He asks, feigning care. His friend, behind you is too spent to commend Gojo for his acting skills.  
You, completely oblivious, nod your head and allow him to press his hands into the sensitive flesh. Soft kneads turn into harsh squeezes, fingers tweaking your pretty nipples and running over the light bumps circling your areolas pretty fast and when you become a moaning mess, Gojo dares to lean his mouth over your left tit, hot breath causing your sensitive bud to harden.  
“Sah-Satoru!” You moan out when his skilled mouth suckles at your teat, drawing labored breaths from you. Gojo moans around the mouthful he’s got in his mouth, hands playing with the tit that isn’t in his mouth before switching between them. His eyes flick up to gauge your expressions and it’s everything he wanted. Your pretty face is seized with pleasure and, even though your eyes are squeezed shut, hot tears are still able to make their way past your eyelids and flow down your face. So responsive.  
Behind you, Suguru has caught his breath and – although he’s enjoying the show unfolding before him – he gently takes your body and bends you at his will. Gojo pulls his mouth off your tits and lets a wet pop sound through the room. Your friend puts you on all fours and pulls your skirt up to settle around your torso, probably not having enough patience to pull it off your body.  
You can’t see exactly what Geto is doing but you feel him squeezing at the flesh of your ass, titillating himself, and watch as Gojo unashamedly pulls his cock out of his pants. He’s not nearly as hesitant as Suguru was and even gives the length a couple of strokes in front of your, still tearful, face. And, while he wants to go for it and stick himself in your mouth (that he just knows is soft like pure velvet), the sight Suguru just daring himself to pull your panties aside and tease your little pussy has him jerking himself off without even thinking about it.  
The liquor in his veins burns as he watches his lifelong best friend play with you like a toy, so unlike him. When Geto’s fingers plunge into your waiting cunt, the wet sound that bounces off the walls is palpable, music to everyone's ears. God, he only gets harder from it. Satoru takes great pleasure in stroking his cock before your innocent eyes. “Mhm...” You moan feeling the stretch of six-inch long fingers tear your soaking walls apart.  
Your moans are so sweet, the exact pitch he was dreaming they would be at. “She tight, Suguru?” He gasps, squeezing at the base of his cock to prolong his orgasm. He could come so fast just looking at you begin to fuck yourself back on Suguru’s fingers. You feel his two fingertips reaching deeper than yours ever have in your life. All he does is nod in response to his friend’s question. You are. You’re squeezing around him so tight that he gets hard again so fast.  
“Is he better than your fingers?” Gojo sputters on his own words as he fucks his fist onto his cock. “Better than when you fuck yourself after reading those dirty books?” The older one of the two taunts you shamelessly as he jerks himself off, sticking the red tip in your face. His hand glides against the pale skin of his pretty cock and your mouth almost waters. As if he can read your mind, he speaks up again. “Maybe I'll let you taste it one day, if you know how to earn it.” Gojo’s voice cracks as he tires of edging himself. “L-let you suck my cum out, let you gnaw on it real good. Then spear you on it and gap that pussy that can barely handle two little fingers.” You want to tell him to shut his filthy mouth (maybe get accused of being the true filth in the room, the proof on your bookshelf) but all you can do is whine and let Suguru’s fingers slam into your seizing hole and milk you for all you’ve got.  
“You look so embarrassed.” Satoru’s mouth doesn’t have an off switch. “Why don’t you lean over and spit on it for me?” He smirks, expression only faltering when he allows himself to teeter on the edge of his orgasm. “Get it nice and wet for me.” Your eyes shoot daggers at him, but you still find yourself gathering saliva in your mouth and pushing it to your tongue. You still find yourself obeying the albino and leaning over on your hands and knees to spit thickly on his cock.  
“Ahh, Suguruuu!” You squeal when he reaches a hand between your thighs and tugs at your pulsing clit. He rubs soft circles on your clit while his fingers speed up, nailing you in your g-spot with every thrust, showing exactly how skilled Geto is with his hands. You’re hurtling for a climax before you can stop yourself. Your arms wobble as you moan, pussy squeezing around his fingers in pleasure.  
Suguru begins to throb, having gotten hard again because of the slippery feeling around his fingers. He leans his whole body over yours, forcing you to lean into the floor and arch your back. Satoru keeps his dribbling tip aimed at your face as he strokes himself in tune with Suguru’s thrusts. The room fills with strawberry heat and moans fill the air. When Geto begins to tug at your clit, so very skilled of him, you hit a wall. You cum with a scream, a pleasured gasp. It’s blinding white, blinding pleasure. It’s too much for you and you squirm as he finger-fucks you through your orgasm. That’s really all it takes for Satoru. He stands up on his knees and lets his cum fly the distance from his tip to your face and flow down your cheeks, barely having enough presence of mind to miss your eyes.  
And you’re such an obedient slut for him. Even as you’re cumming your brains out from Geto’s fingers, you let your tongue hang out of your mouth to catch as much of his seed as possible. “Good g-girl,” He groans, hand slowing to a stop as he lets his afterglow take over. His body turns into jelly but Gojo watches you slump down and hit the floor. Suguru turns you over and admires his friend’s messy work with your face, sperms dripping from your skin and your eyes shutting fitfully, clearly too tired to get up and clean yourself.  
“Let’s get her cleaned up.” He groans, moving to pull your panties back up and locate the bathroom in your apartment. When Geto moves to push his hard dick back in his pants and ignore the fact that his erection returned the moment he got a smell of your essence leaking from behind the fabric of your panties.  
Gojo stops him, gives him his signature fuck me eyes and dares to take hold of his cock. “Come on,” Suguru rolls his eyes but doesn’t make a move to stop his slutty little friend. All he does is take Satoru’s word for it when he promises to be quick. You fall more into your slumber and are more dead to the world – most definitely dead to the actions taking place around you; those actions being Gojo jerking his friend’s stiff cock right above your face.  
It only takes a couple of strokes to have Suguru panting. Gojo’s good with his hands too. He lets his hips stutter as he fucks into the pale hand and curses under his breath. “Cum for her, Suguru,” He’s got the voice of a minx as he coaxes another load out of his best friend. “She needs your cum. Don’t be afraid to give it to her either.” He eggs him on. “Look at how well she wears it.” His grin is evil too. 
Suguru struggles to grip the sofa behind him but when he does, he grounds himself and focuses on thrusting up into Gojo’s hand. He reaches down between your legs and gathers up some of your slick before smearing it into on the tip of Suguru’s sorry cock, using your cum as lube to get the man off. “Fuck!” Geto curses, shouting without a care. His cum squirts out in shameless spurts, landing on your face but failing to awaken you. His cum joins Satoru’s and paints your skin gracelessly. Suguru’s eyes blow wide and he cums with a whine and scrunched brows, staring down at you and thinking that sure, you’re a beautiful woman, but you’ve never been so stunning in your life. And his friend is right, you do wear it well.  
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neil-gaiman · 3 months
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Hello Mr Neil Gaiman, I write to say you have ruined me; again. Four times in my life I have been utterly and hopelessly rotted and ruined and consumed by your work. First was when I was 4 and first watched Coraline, I didn't even know who you were and couldn't conceive it either way back then; but I remember watching the movie so much until the disc scratched, and making my mum buy me a coraline doll and lalaloopsy dolls that reminded me of it. Then when I was 12, when season one of good omens came out, and I immediately found out it was a book (WHAT?? IT'S A BOOK?? I NEED TO READ IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-)(I read it), and it was all I could find myself speaking about for months. This year when season 2 came out, I was absolutely heartbroken, and this altered my brain in a way I had never even dreamed possible; everything clicked that the common denominator in making me go insane was *you*, so I followed you on tumblr and everywhere I could and I made it my life's mission to read more of your books. First, as soon as I could, I read The Neil Gaiman Reader in two days and it was SO GOOD (and returned it to the library as soon as I finished), and I knew instantly I had to get The Ocean At The End Of The Lane. Only trouble is, where I live has basically no books, of anyone's, ever, so I searched probably five different bookshops until I found it and I immediately got it. I wasn't allowed to read it till Christmas though. Then Christmas day came, the day I had hyped up in my head for so long, simply because I got to read this book, so in one sitting on Christmas, I read the ocean at the end of the lane. I think I have found a new obsession to occupy my brain. How do you write all of these things? How do you inspire these feelings? I feel like you have a kind of magic to you. I have spent basically the whole day since googling everything I can about this novel (and hoping, wishing and praying that the play will return and come to Western Australia some day), but now I have the VERY URGENT request of answering my questions please please please pretty please. 1) What are some things you wish people knew about The Ocean At The End Of The Lane that they don't know already? 2)What are questions that you want people to ask about it, but haven't yet? 3) Where did you get all of the magic and emotion and EVERYTHING encapsulated those pages? - Yours sincerely, an extremely obsessed high school senior.
Dear E.O.H.S.S.
I'm really happy it had that effect on you. Now we both have to hope that the National Theatre adaptation of The Ocean at the End of the Lane gets revived and makes it to Australia, because most of your questions are sort of answered in the play.
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flintbian · 1 year
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Well. The light show was a bust. RIP
#it's disappointing...to say the least#i've been back for almost a week now so I've had time to process before I write#we got unlucky. It was cloudy/snowing all but one day. the one day it wasn't the bz wasn't low enough and the kp wasn't high enough#the most we saw was what looked like white fog through the clouds even through a camera#apparently the day before we got there and the day after we left it was beautiful but were just unlucky#and social media algorithms know I track it and now after it's like it's mocking me showing the beauty I never got to see#i'll likely never get another chance...at times like these i feel like my life was just a massive failure in all regards#i know it's a game of chance but i had hoped maybe the universe would grant me one wish. One kindness. But I've never been lucky have i?#but you miss it if you don't try at all and I did. I did try. That's all you can do#i've been a bit depressed since but I'm determined to actually live a little and explore after all I live in such a beautiful place#i thought all the hikes would be inaccessible but I found some and I'm determined to see the beautiful things all around me#there are books I want to read and food I want to bake. Maybe if I last we'll try again#though extremely difficult the travel is#and there were some good things like I met some amazing people and cuddled with five dogs in a cuddle pile 🥰#they seemed to sense I was in pain and were gentle around my legs. Codiac always demanded More attention#even as he's already in your lap and you're already petting him 😂 even the shy wolf mix joined my pile 🥹#i got jokes that I'm a cyborg or biomech based on the scanner and x rays lol. saw and touched some Aspen trees and saw the big dipper#but overall a disappointment and I'm recovering now...not sure what to do next honestly#it's hard. How do you cope when you Know there's no purpose to the pain...to all this suffering. It was all for nothing. Why continue?#my dreams are all dead and I'm resigned to disappointment. hope is a curse#but part of me claws for breath saying I want to live I want to live if only for the hope of it getting better or finally experiencing...#but I never do. I just get worse and worse relegated to a solitary room resigned to disappointment and pain and failure#why continue suffering for suffering's sake? But I have to try. I hear hiccup's voice and remember my promise#idk why. Things are constantly downhill and my dreams die and I never amounted to anything and my body is a broken nightmare#I'm heartbroken but I'll pick myself up. Try another day as long as I can. And now I'm making mini goals#I wish to read The Lost Metal in November. That's what I'll do for now#but yeah my one chance failed. That's just the way of it I suppose. I just have to be resigned to that now. Maybe eternity will be kinder.#after all hope is painful. ive added much salt to the sea#to one more day then#p
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shellshocklove · 1 month
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just crazy love | joel miller
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pairing/AU: 70s!pornstar!joel miller x inexperienced!female reader
summary: joel had hurt you badly, but can you forgive him?
warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! reader is 23, joel is in his early 30s, accuracies and inaccuracies about the 70s and the porn industry, smoking of cigarettes (it's the 70s alright), mentions and drinking of alcohol, misogyny (bc of the times™), readers uncle is a character in this but his name is not mentioned and there's no description of looks, angst, swearing, use of pet names, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, squirting, unprotected sex (don't do it!!), praise kink, some size kink (pornstar!joel has a big dick), soft!dom joel, no use of y/n
a/n: this is part three and the last part to my little 70s!pornstar!joel mini-series. i'm overwhelmed by the love i got on the previous part. i honestly thought everyone had forgotten about the orginal one shot as it had been so long 💀 i really appreciate all of you who's left a comment, reply or sent me an ask! makes my heart all mushy 🥺 thank you to @dustydaddyyy for all the help and for reading through it! <3
main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3
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On the way home from set, Joel started to think he’d fucked up.
You were so quiet, quieter than you usually were, and it made him worried. After wrapping his scene with Cheryl, he’d immediately looked for you, but your place in the corner where you’d stood watching was empty. He’d noticed you slip out during his scene but thought nothing of it as he knew being on set wasn’t your favorite, but then you came back, and Joel had found it hard to conceal his happiness behind his acting.
His head had been filled with memories and fantasies, memories and fantasies of you. The look you’d get in your eyes when he kissed you, blown out and wide. The feel of your soft hand wrapped around him this morning, the feel of your wet pussy tight around his cock. The sweet taste of you on his tongue. Shit. You were intoxicating. Joel couldn’t get you out of his head– and he didn’t want to try either. One look at you and those pretty eyes, and he came harder during a scene than he can remember ever doing – no need to fake any groans or moans.
It had been a long time since Joel had felt something so strongly for another woman. It must’ve been his high school sweetheart, he thought, that first teenage love, that all-consuming love that made that one special girl feel like the most important person in the world. And sure, after he moved to LA he’d dated, had a couple of girlfriends, but it never went anywhere, and his job, his job always made it complicated. Joel didn’t want complicated– so he stopped dating and got his fill of human touch through his work instead. It made his life easy, but then he’d seen you at the bar by yourself at Tommy’s club, and Joel didn’t want easy anymore.
Joel was a charming man; those southern manners had gotten him far in life, and especially with the ladies – it was no secret. And maybe he’d turned it up a few notches that night, he could admit that – hoping it would hook you in. He’d almost gone against his own rule. The rule he’d set for himself after one particularly nasty break-up a few years back: his rule of no sex outside work. He’d told himself he was protecting himself– protecting himself from getting involved into something complicated again, from getting hurt, or hurting someone he cared for. But then he’d met you, danced with you, talked to you, and Joel didn’t care about protecting himself anymore.
You weren’t someone to take home at the end of the night for a quick fuck. You were so sweet, and shy, he couldn’t help but want to get to know you better. Learn what made you smile, what books you liked, what music you listened to, but also what noises you made when you fell apart. In that dark dingy club, Joel had realized how special you were.
Maybe it was stupid what he did? He could’ve gotten your number a number of ways, but the alcohol was talking and suddenly he was offering you a job before really thinking it through – but at least he had a reason to see you again.
You were a good assistant, and he appreciated the work you did for him, his life had gotten much easier after hiring you. But you were so professional, and what Joel wanted to do to you was unprofessional. You kept on top of his schedule, took his phone calls, scheduled meetings, predicted what he needed before he even knew he wanted it. You were nothing short of a great assistant, but the more he worked with you it was clear that there were things about his job you weren’t as comfortable with – and Joel couldn’t blame you. From the outside his job was unusual, and fucking on camera wasn’t for everybody, but Joel had come to know – it especially wasn’t for you.
A couple of months in, Joel had started to think you were a virgin. At first, he thought it was just your steadfast professionalism, but your reactions to what he considered normal things in his line of work, made him wonder. Not that there was anything wrong with you being a virgin, he just couldn’t understand how anyone could look at you and not want you to be theirs. And maybe it was wrong, but it turned him on a little too, something possessive deep inside loving the thought of you being his, and only his.
He wanted you, wanted you to be his, and the more he got to know you, the more he had to fight to hold back his growing feelings. Joel could hide behind his personality, hide behind the way he loved to flirt, loving the way you squirmed from his compliments– from his teasing. It was cute, it was so goddamn cute, but it didn’t fix the ache he had inside only you could sooth.
After Pismo Beach, Joel knew he was fucked. In the car on the way back to LA he’d had trouble watching anything except your face; the beautiful glimmering sea you drove along might as well have been an oily puddle for all he cared. Nothing was sweeter than watching you hum along to the Joni Mitchell cassette you played on repeat. Joni’s mezzo-soprano clung in his ear like a warning. Yes, help me, he was falling in love too fast, but damn if it didn’t feel good.
Now a different song filled the space of his car, as he drove you home. Crosby, Stills & Nash’s melodic guitar picking hummed a low tune, their three-part harmonies flowing from his car speakers.
“Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams, he worries.”
So yeah, Joel was worried. That rosy hue that had been tinting his world when he looked at you, had now faded to a drab dirty pink. You didn’t even look at him, and hadn’t muttered as much as a word to him since he found you in his trailer – where you’d been flicking through his papers from the meeting – after the scene ended.
“’s everythin’ alright?” Joel spoke across the silence that had grown between you.
You didn’t move your head from where it rested against the window; your face bathed in red from the sea of brake lights on the freeway. You weren’t moving much, so Joel allowed himself a good look at you. He watched the way your body curled in on itself in the seat, your fingers picking at your nailbeds – it made him pull his brows in a tight frown.
“Did he hear a goodbye, or even hello?”
With a brave hand he reached out to touch you, stroking the back of his hand against your cheek. “Hey,” he said, “did ya hear me, my sweet girl?”
“They are one person. They are two alone. They are three together. They are for each other.”
You pulled away from his touch immediately, shifting in your seat, and Joel felt his heart sink in his chest. “I’m fine,” you muttered, an unfamiliar sting in your voice.
A loud honk behind him released Joel from the shock from your tone, and his hand that had been previously dancing along your delicate skin, fell to the gear stick. Releasing the clutch slowly, Joel’s car rolled forward, following the slug traffic. You clearly weren’t fine.
“Stand by the stairway, you’ll see something certain to tell you, confusion has its cost.”
Joel let the music fill the space while you stayed quiet, a bubbling panic settling in his chest as the day played on repeat in his head. Everything had been so great earlier, until it wasn’t. He’d seen it in you after the meeting. Joel knew he should’ve said something, and he’d simmered with it all throughout the meeting, but Joel also knew better than to speak against Ronald in a setting like that.
Ronald was the best thing that had happened to Joel’s career. He was a big name in the porn industry, only managing the very best in the game. Eight years had passed since Ronald had discovered Joel.
It had been the summer of ‘67, his first year in LA already in the rear view. He’d come with a guitar case and a dream of making something of himself. Joel had chased that dream around in circles, and a year into it, he’d been free falling towards rock bottom. The gigs he’d dreamt would line up as soon as his feet touched the hot Californian sand, never came, and had it not been for Tommy, who’d made the move with him, he’d be homeless.
The whole exchange had been bizarre. Tommy was working as a busboy at a club on The Strip at the time, and as an employee, Tommy got a discount at the bar. Joel knew how to take advantage of his little brother’s benefits, and occupied a seat at the bar every weekend where he drank almost free booze, and flirted himself to a one night stand, or two, or three.
He’d sat by the bar one Saturday like usual when a man sat down in the seat next to him. Joel paid him no mind at first, continuing to smoke his cigarette and enjoy his whiskey. Then the man had started talking to him, asking if he knew this girl he’d slept with last week. He was about to deny ever having talked to someone matching this girl’s description, concerned that this man was a husband or a crazy ex-boyfriend of some sort, when the man started telling him that she dabbled in porn. Nothing crazy, just some nude photoshoots here and there, but she’d told him all about Joel and his impressive package.
Joel was about to tell the man to go fuck himself – the conversation twisting into something way too weird for Joel to navigate – when the man, Ronald, had offered to manage him. 
Sure, Joel was gifted, blessed, some might even say, but it had sounded too good to be true: getting paid the big bucks for just having sex? At the time, it had sounded like every man’s pipe dream but now, Joel owed Ronald everything.
If the movie deal with VCA went through, Joel’d owe him even more. It was a miracle he was this sought after in the first place. The top consumers of porn, Joel knew, and he supposed the entire porn industry knew, were predominantly men looking for big boobs and a willing woman, neither of which he was. But the tide was turning with the rise of the women’s movement, and Ronald had thrown his net into the pool of opportunity at the exact right moment.
The cynical part of Joel told him it paid his bills – he’d been so desperate in that club – but now, now he was living large as his popularity had continued to grow, and grow, and grow. He’d paved his path towards success, towards the success he’d dreamed about those eighth years ago. And sure, it felt good to be sought after and desired by women everywhere, but if he was being honest, the only woman he wanted to be desired by in this moment, was you.
He loved your gentle nature, that shy, almost timid, way you looked at him. No one had looked at him like that before. It felt so much more real, but it was like something was always holding you back, like you could never allow yourself to just be, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Joel recognized that feeling, he did. He was from the south after all, and as far as his family was concerned, Joel was a sinner. That guilt they instilled in him– he’d sat with that a long time, years spent learning not to hate himself for the choices he’d made, unlearning years of shame. To not feel guilty about his desires, to embrace all that life had to offer with open arms, to dream, to eat until he was full and still have room for dessert.
“Love isn’t lying, it’s loose in a lady who lingers.”
Clearing his throat, Joel spoke again, “Somethin’ ‘s clearly wrong, sweet girl.”
“Please don’t call me that,” you sighed, voice strained like you were close to crying. The broken sound of you shattered something inside him.
“Saying she is lost, and choking on hello.”
Finally, the traffic picked up its pace, and Joel changed gear, gaining speed for the first time since you got on the freeway.  
“My sweet girl?” he asked, “I thought you liked that?”
Crosby, Stills & Nash sang their last lines, before the song faded into some disco song Joel had never heard before. It was loud and obnoxious, and your answer drowned in the beat. Joel’s hand was on the volume button in less than a second, turning it down.
“I didn’t,” you repeated in a whisper, “I don’t.”
You shifted your body closer to the door, and Joel knew he had to do something to make you feel better.
“How about…” he started, his hand shifting from the gear stick to land on the thick of your thigh, “I’ll drive us back to my place, and we’ll pick up where we left of this mornin’, huh? Would that make ya feel better?”
You crossed your leg over the other, making his hand slip from your thigh. “I’m too tired, Joel– it’s been a long day… and I didn’t get enough sleep,” you sighed, eyes closed and defeated.
“You sure? Swe–” Joel cut himself off before he could say it, the sweetness turning bitter on his tongue.
You didn’t answer, didn’t look at him, didn’t let him touch you. Something tightened in his chest. You were slipping away like sand through his fingers.
Maybe this wasn’t about the meeting after all?
“’s this about Cheryl?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady and calm, to conceal the panic bubbling in his throat. “’s just for work– was just actin’.”
You took a deep breath, and held it before you spoke, like you were practicing what to say before you said it. “It’s fine, Joel– I’m not your girlfriend.”
Not his girlfriend. Not his. Never his.
This time he couldn’t look at you, his hand gripping tightly around the steering wheel as he glimpsed your apartment complex down at the next turn.
“I thought–” Shit. A breathless chuckle devoid of any joy left him. He was speechless. 
Pulling into the parking lot next to your car, Joel didn’t know what to do. He watched you gather your things, while the heaviness in his chest grew.
Was it over before it had even begun?
“I’m…” you drew a shaky breath, “I’ll see you at work.”
And then you were gone, slipping out the door and leaving Joel alone in the swollen silence of your absence. His heart hammered in his chest, his breathing growing shallower as he watched you hurry across the parking lot in the rear-view mirror.
Move you fucking idiot– run after her, his brain told him, but he couldn’t move an inch. Shit. Shit. Shit. His chest tightened, and tightened, his fingers clawing at the rough fabric of his jeans as he started gasping for air. He’d wanted you for so long, and now you were gone. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? With shaky hands he managed to roll down the window, the fresh evening air filled his lungs as he tried his best to calm down.
Joel had fucked up.
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When Thursday rolled around, and Joel still hadn’t heard from you, he started to wonder if it was excessive to file a missing persons report. He’d tried to call you multiple times since Monday, but your phone was always off the hook. The hollow beeping of the busy signal doing nothing to calm the panic building in him since Monday.
He’d been so stupid, and he’d cursed himself for not seeing it sooner. Embarrassment suffocating him at the fact that it hadn’t settled in until Ronald had shown him the first rough cut of his chemistry test with Cheryl yesterday.
It had been Cheryl’s idea, the whole innocence thing. She’d pitched it to him after the meeting ended, telling him how excited she was for this opportunity, and how much she was looking forward to finally filming later. Joel had played along; he was at work after all – it was his job. So, he turned on the charm, tested the chemistry waters, and agreed. She was new to the industry and young, it made sense.
What didn’t make sense was what he’d called her. Sweet girl. He’d called Cheryl that multiple times without even realizing it – too lost in his thoughts of you, and how he wished it was you with your lips wrapped around him.
Joel was fucking stupid.
He’d convinced you to watch him get a blowjob from another woman right after you’d confessed to never having given head before. He knew you were inexperienced, but that had never mattered to him. Joel thought it was kinda nice to explore sex with you – to find out what you liked, and what you didn’t. It made it exciting again – it wasn’t just work. But hearing himself praise Cheryl for making him feel good was the last straw for him – he needed to apologize to you.
How he wished he’d been able to convince you to stay in bed that morning– to forget about the stupid fucking meeting. Finally, he’d had you. Finally, he could kiss you, and hold you, and make you feel good. The sweetness of you, of having had you, now bitter as he realized he’d probably never get that back.
Wiping a sweaty palm on his jeans, he tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for someone to buzz him into your apartment complex. He knew he shouldn’t be here, he could get you in trouble, but he needed to see you, to talk to you face to face.
“Hello?” a static voice croaked through the busted speakers of the rusting door buzzer.
“Pizza delivery,” Joel answered, and not a second later the door buzzed.
Trudging up the stairs the words he’d rehearsed played on a loop in his head: He know you probably don’t want to see him ever again, but he needed to apologize for what happened on Monday. He never meant to hurt you the way he did. He understands he was never your boyfriend, but that was what he wanted to be, and he’s sorry for the way he acted.
Stopping outside your apartment door he drew in a deep breath before he knocked. It felt like he stood there for hours waiting while nothing happened. That worry he’d felt for days now tugging harder at his neck. Joel knocked again, a little harder with the shout of your name, and added ‘It’s Joel’ for good measure. Again, nothing. When he repeated the action a third time, the door to the neighboring apartment flew open.
“She’s not home,” your neighbor told him, a hint of annoyance in her voice. She was dressed in a formless paisley patterned dress, hair thrown back in a low ponytail as she bounced a crying baby in her arms. When Joel’s eyes landed on the little girl in her arms, she told him, “You woke her up with all that banging.”
“I’m sorry ma’am,” he said earnestly, “I never meant to–” The baby screamed louder, face red from exertion.
“Sure, you didn’t,” she scoffed, with a roll of her eyes. She bounced her daughter, shifting her hold to hike her up over her shoulder, hand tap tapping at her back as she started to bounce her.
Sliding his hands into his jean pockets, Joel didn’t know what to do. Awkwardly he cleared his throat, tilting his head towards your door. “D’you–” Joel started, before your neighbor cut him off.
“No, but I saw her getting picked up by an older man about an hour ago.” Something about the judgement in her tone didn’t sit right with Joel.
He nodded at the information. Your uncle. Joel remembered now. Your uncle was coming to visit – taking you to dinner. What had you said on the phone again? An Italian place in Santa Monica?
Pulling his car keys from his pocket, he thanked your neighbor – making sure to apologize once again for the ruckus, before he hurried back down the stairs. He walked with long steps towards his car. The sun was setting on LA, turning the clouds and the city pink, but he paid the beautiful sight no mind, his eyes set on the Italian restaurant in Santa Monica where he knew Deborah worked.
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“Well would you look at what the cat dragged in.”
Joel turned his head towards the source of the familiar voice, only to find himself eye to eye with Deborah, and her raised eyebrow.
The air smelled like garlic and basil, and the restaurant hummed with conversation over the sound of Dean Martin. She was adorning the restaurant’s waiter uniform, a short red dress over a white collared shirt, while balancing a tower of dirty plates in her hands. He almost didn’t recognize her, she looked so different from how he was used to seeing her – all dolled up at Tommy’s club.
“Deborah,” he acknowledged with a nod, plastering a polite smile on his face.
“Don’t you ‘Deborah’ me, Miller,” she told him with a scoff, placing the tower of dishes down on an empty table before crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes at him, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m lookin’ for–”
“I bet you are,” Deborah replied, raising an unimpressed brow, “She ain’t here.”
Joel sighed, his face pulling into a defeated smile. “I know she’s with her uncle, Deborah. She told me she was takin’ him to an Italian restaurant in Santa Monica– As far as I’m concerned, that’s this place.”
Deborah shrugged nonchalantly, and Joel felt himself start to get annoyed. “Sorry, haven’t seen her in months.”
“Deb,” Joel let out through an exasperated sigh, a hand coming up to rub his eye, “Listen, I–... I just came to apologize, okay? I did somethin’ stupid that I shouldn’t have, and I need to apologize to her f’it.”
Deborah scoffed at Joel’s words, shaking her head with a bitter smile. “I bet you did something stupid... always the same thing with you Millers, hm? You always do first and think later.”
Confused, Deborah’s tone made Joel raise a single eyebrow, “Sure we still talkin’ about me?”
He hadn’t heard much from Tommy about what had gone on between him and Deborah, but he knew it hadn’t been very pretty. Tommy had just broken up Maria for the umpteenth time when they’d started going around. It was never going to last, Joel knew it the second he’d met Deb. Tommy always came back to Maria somehow, it didn’t matter how badly it had ended – like an endless figure eight they’d always meet again in the middle.
“Potato, potahto,” she said with a falsely sweet smile.
“Look, I ain’t my brother, okay? Never have been, never will be. Now I ain’t got a clue what went down between the two of you, and I’m damn near sure he deserves all the rage you’ve got to throw at ‘him, but it ain’t my business to sort out, so don’t go makin’ it my business...”
Deb tightened her arms over her chest, green eyes glaring at him, still, Joel could see a twinkle of curiosity in her eyes, too. “Apologize for what? You dock her pay or something?”
“No,” Joel let out with an annoyed breath.
“So what, you fired her?”
“No, Deb,” Joel said again, his voice heavy with exasperation.
Deborah quieted down for a second as she scrutinized him, her eyes boring into him. Then, her eyes cleared, and she shook her head.
“You got handsy, didn’t you?” she asked eventually, raising a questioning eyebrow. Joel couldn’t hide the guilt on his face, it told her all she needed to know. Her hands fell to her sides, “Jesus Christ, Miller... don’t you get laid enough at work?”
“Look, it ain’t like that,” he said, shaking his head as he felt his cheeks heat up, which only embarrassed him more.
Joel Miller doesn’t blush.
When Deb crossed her arms again, expression expectant as she looked silently at him, Joel sighed. “Deb… I really like her– and I know ya’ll are friends, and you want to protect her, but you gotta give me a fair shot, too... I never meant to hurt her, but I did, and if I have to spend the rest of my life apologizin’ to her every single day then that’s what I’mma do, but I promise you, you’re going to get sick of me real quick.”
There was a moment of silence in which the two of them looked at each other, before Deb raised a finger to point at Joel, taking a step forward.
“You listen here, Miller,” she said, wagging it under his nose, “Just this once, I’m going to be nice to you, for old times’ sake... but if I so much as hear a squeak from her you’re acting like a bastard, then you bet your ass I’m coming the hell after you.”
Joel nodded slowly, pulling in a deep breath through his nose as he pursed his lips.
“Anythin’ else?” he asked, raising a semi-impressed eyebrow, but Deborah only scoffed at his tone, poking him in the chest a final time.
“Yeah, tell your brother to stop calling,” she said, looking up at him, before nodding towards the back of the restaurant, “Unlike her, I don’t give second chances.”
“I’ll pass it on,” Joel said with a nod, but his voice was already absent as he finally spotted your familiar shape sitting in a booth at the very back of the restaurant.
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Twirling your fork absentmindedly through your spaghetti, you listened to your uncle yap on and on about the boys at the garage, and the car he’d just driven down here.
“It’s a beaut,” your uncle said through a mouthful of his own pasta, “1971 C3 model, nice dark green color Ralphie repainted. You know I’m not a convertible guy myself, can’t give up my truck, but I could see myself in one of them cars out here– apparently, it’s being sold to some high-profile actor or something.”
“Really?” you asked, trying to steer this never-ending one-sided conversation towards something somewhat interesting.
“Yeah, you know I don’t keep up with them celebrities, but I’m pretty sure I was talking to the client’s manager on the phone.”
You nodded, letting your fork fall to take a sip of your water. Your uncle hadn’t let you order yourself a glass of wine, the impression that you were still that innocent little girl you were back when you worked in his garage shop hard to shake. Your uncle, on the other hand, nursed his beer.
“That’s exciting,” you said with a small smile.
“Oh yeah, we’ve got this bet going at the shop about who it is–” Your uncle cut himself off as a broad figure approached your table. Looking up from your plate your breath hitched when you saw the man before you.
“Joel?” His name fell from your lips before you had time to think, your brows pulling together in confusion, before something tugged at the hurt in your heart. What was he doing here?
“Hi, sweetheart.” His face wore a quiet smile, eyes scanning over your form.
“W-what are you doing here?” you stuttered out, a panic racing in your chest while a lump formed in your throat. You couldn’t do this here, especially not in front of your uncle.
“I was in the neighborhood– saw y’all through the window and wanted to…” he trailed off, finally noticing your uncle. “Sorry, sir,” he reached out his hand to your uncle in a greeting, “Joel Miller, I’m–”
“Joel’s an actor,” you cut him off, “he starred in one of Mr. Cooper’s commercials a few months ago,” you lied.
You could see the kink in Joel brow at your lie, that quiet surprise he then played off with a charming smile. “Yeah, that’s right– a beer commercial, wasn’t it?” He looked at you with one eyebrow raised. Biting down on your lip you confirmed the lie with a nod.
“You do look a little familiar,” you uncle said, dragging the words out like he’s pulling them from his memory, “they show your commercial on the TV?”
“Oh, I haven’t been payin’ attention, but somethin’ like that,” Joel shrugged, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his tight Levis, his signature western belt buckle glinting in the low light. “Y’all mind if I join y’all for a drink?”
“Not at all,” your uncle smiled before you could say anything. Joel lifted his hand to get Deborah’s attention to order himself a beer, before he squeezed himself into the booth next to you, his knee bumping into yours as he got comfortable.
Having lost your appetite, you shifted your plate to the side to make room for Joel. It was a tight squeeze in the booth, the warmth of his body flooding your senses, the familiar scent of cigarettes and of his cologne making your heart ache.
How could you miss him, and hate him all at the same time?
Deborah served Joel his drink quickly, checking in at your table at the same time. Her eyes were focused on you as she cleared the table, asking you a silent ‘You okay?’ which you quickly nodded at. You knew she’d make up some crazy excuse to get you out of any situation, but you didn’t know if you could handle it if she did. It was easier to just suffer through. You’d suffered enough this past week; you could handle another hour.
The days since you’d seen Joel last had been spent between your bed and your couch. Unfocused eyes rolling over reruns as you let a blanket of numbness fall over you as the hours passed you by. You felt so tired, that kind of tired that sits in your stomach, heavy and pulling you down, every step a drag and every breath a strain. You’d isolated yourself for days, hadn’t showered for days, you were too tired to do it, and what did it matter anyway?
You’d tried to cry, but you couldn’t make the tears fall. You wanted the release, and to feel sorry for yourself, but nothing came. And what good would it do? Nothing. You were nothing. Nothing to yourself, nothing to Joel, and nothing to this lonely city. Just some small-town girl who thought she could change who she was, who she was always destined to be.
After two whole days on your couch, you had to get up, you had no choice. You wanted to cancel, to tell your uncle that you’d come down with the flu, but you knew he was driving all day, and you wouldn’t have a clue where to call to reach him. So, you’d sat up, ate a piece of bread, and had a shower. Every minute you tried to not think of Joel, tried to not think about the way he’d kissed you hello in your hallway, the way he'd held you through the night as you slept soundly in his arms, how his gaze had felt over your features on your way back from Pismo Beach – it was all too much. Every nice memory ruined by the way his voice had echoed ‘Sweet girl’ to Cheryl.
Sweet girl. Feels so good, my sweet girl– just like that. My sweet girl.
How stupid you’d felt hearing those words. You’d fooled yourself into thinking there was something more between you and Joel. You weren’t special, and that was the worst part, because he’d made you feel special. He’d made you feel desired– like he actually liked you. Or maybe that’s what hurt the most – to realize that to him you were just one girl among many.
You’d placed your phone back on the hook in the afternoon, anticipating your uncle’s call, and when it rang, you were relieved to hear his familiar voice down the line. It was all so complicated. The relief a strange mix with the suffocating memories of home. You were different now than when you worked at his shop. Still shy, but still different, more grown up and more independent. He didn’t know you anymore. No one knew you anymore– well except for one person.
You’d felt free with Joel– even before, when he was just your boss. He’d challenged you, made you come out of your shell, challenged your shame, and challenged your guilt. And watching Joel small talk with your uncle, you started to wonder if that was the reason why it had hit you so hard? Joel had let you be yourself, while still challenging you. He’d let you be shy, while still feeling sexy. He’d made you feel seen, until you’d been forgotten.
“You guys will have to excuse me, I need to take a leak,” your uncle said, pulling you from your thoughts, and getting up from his seat.
With his glass raised to his lips, Joel only gave him a short nod as he watched him walk away from your table. When your uncle was out of earshot, Joel dropped the act, shoulders relaxing as he gently placed his beer on the red and white gingham.
His face looked tired, eyes sparkling with melancholy. “I’m sorry for showin’ up here all unannounced,” he started, fingertips tapping lightly over the cloth, “you weren’t pickin’ up your phone and I need to talk to you.”
The lump on your throat grew larger as you tried to swallow around it, lost for words. “F-for what?” you said, voice hoarse and not louder than a whisper.
“I think we both know for what,” he sighed, “I fucked it up with you– never should’ve said those things to Cheryl– even if it was just actin’. I got so caught up in you, I didn’t realize what I’d said until it was too late, and I’m sorry.”
“I-I, J-Joel,” you stuttered, brows pulling together tightly as you searched for your words.
“You don’t need to say nothin’ right now, but I wanna drive you home ‘f that’s okay? Wanna have a proper talk with you.”
His hand was shaking as he placed it gently on your shoulder, the touch making your eyes fall shut as a hitching breath escaped you.
“Joel,” you whispered.
“Please,” his hand moved gently up your neck to cup your cheek, the warmth of his touch sending goosebumps down your spine. “Please, I need to explain myself.” His voice sounded pained and full of sorrow. “I’m beggin’ you, sweetheart.”
You opened your eyes slowly, breath shaky as you tried to hold back the tears pressing behind your eyes. His whole face shifted when you met his eyes, melancholy turning to worry, his other hand coming up to cup your other cheek as he shifted closer.
“Hey,” he said it so softly, “Sweet girl, sweet sweet girl, please don’t cry.” His forehead fell against yours, his mustache tickling your skin as he pressed ‘I’m sorry’ into it.
“O-okay,” you managed to stutter out against your better judgment.
Joel lifted his head, brown warm eyes finding yours as his thumbs rubbed gently into your skin, “Yeah?”
Behind Joel, you noticed your uncle exit the men’s room, and you jerked out of Joel’s hold. His brows tightened together in a confused frown before you gave him a short nod in the direction of your uncle. Joel gathered his hands in his lap, his eyes tracing your uncle as he squeezed back into his seat. He gave Joel a look you couldn’t decipher, jaw locked tight and eyes piercing, before he turned to you with a plastered smile.
“Alright, what do you say, sweetie? You want some dessert?”
Your eyes flicked quickly from your uncle to Joel, and then back again, “No, I think I’m too full, and um… it’s getting late.”
Your uncle hummed, “Yeah, been a long day for sure.” Shifting in his seat your uncle fished his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “Let’s see if we can get a hold of that pretty friend of yours,” he said, turning his head to search for Deborah.
As he got her attention, Joel fished his pack of cigarettes from the front pocket of his shirt. He lit himself a cigarette as you watched your uncle hold up his wallet and point. You couldn’t help but steal a glance at Joel, watching the way his lips pursed around the cigarette as he inhaled.
“I think I’m also gonna use the restroom before we leave,” you peeped, getting to your feet before anyone could say anything. You felt Joel’s hands graze the back of your legs as you squeezed past him. The touch quick but gentle, but still leaving a burn of longing either way.
Pushing open the door to the restroom you took a deep breath. Joel was here. Joel was here and he wanted to apologize. Pacing to the end of the room, you discreetly dropped your head to check the stalls. No one. Good. Leaning your weight over the stone sink, you looked at yourself in the mirror.
What were you doing? One touch from Joel and you fall apart?
You released a breathless laugh and shook your head at yourself; you were in over your head, but at the same time a bubble of relief sat in your throat. He was here after all, he wanted to explain himself, and you knew that deep down you wanted to hear it.   
When you made your way back to the table, something in the air had changed. “There she is,” your uncle said, gathering his jacket, “Ready to go?”
“Um…” You looked to Joel, but something about him looked different. His shoulders looked tense, the cigarette pinched between his fingers were close to burning out, but it was his face when he looked at you that made you worried. The previous tenderness gone, replaced by a clenched jaw and eyes that wouldn’t meet yours.
“Actually, Joel said–”
He cut you off, “I’m gonna stay for another drink…”
His words dropped to the pit your stomach where they weighed you down, your feet frozen to the tiled floor. When Joel still didn’t look at you as he handed you your jacket and purse, you knew something was clearly wrong. Beside you your uncle crowded your space. His hand landed on your shoulder where it rubbed harshly into your skin, almost possessive as his eyes locked on Joel in a way that said, ‘good man’.
“I’ll drive you home, sweetie.”
With a hand resting at your back, your uncle guided you out the restaurant without as much as a mutter of goodbye to Joel. You looked back at him, not once but twice, but he still didn’t look at you – his eyes were glued to the foam of his beer as you vanished out the door.
Back inside your uncle’s rental car you were quiet, sitting with your thoughts as they swirled around your head. You’d been so close to believing Joel; that he was actually sorry, that he wanted to apologize. But once again you’d been a fool. Leaning your head against the window you felt so silly– silly for getting your hopes up.
“I– uh,” your uncle cleared his throat, “That Joel back there, sweetie, he’s not who he says he is.”
Lifting your head you turned to your uncle with a frown, “I don’t–”
Your uncle cut you off, “I don’t want to be telling you this– lord knows I don’t want your aunt knowing about this but…”
You watched how your uncle’s grip tightened around the steering wheel, his nervousness infecting you. What was he talking about?
“But what?” Your voice rose an octave, as you let out a nervous breath.
“Joel does porn,” your uncle revealed. He said it all dramatic, like he was in a movie and this scene was the turning point for your character. You had to restrain yourself to hide the laugh tickling your throat as he continued, “I thought he looked familiar, and– jesus, don’t you ever tell anybody about this but… he’s in a couple of movies I keep in the basement.”
You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, your eyes staring straight ahead down the road. You cringed at the new atmosphere settling in the car, stuffy with embarrassment and a picture of your uncle getting off to Joel stuck to your retinas. You wanted to hurl, this new picture not something you’d ever want to visualize. You were quiet as the revelation settled, your brain searching for words, but it was like they’d all fallen out your ears.
“Listen,” he cleared his throat of the discomfort, “I don’t know what he is to you, if he’s your boyfriend or what–”
“He’s not,” you squeaked, ready for this conversation to be over.
“I saw him kissing you when I stepped out of the toilets,” your uncle accused sternly, a biting lilt to his voice.
“Kiss me? I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you protested, confused about how he’d gotten it in his head that Joel had kissed you.
“Don’t you raise your voice at me,” he started to yell, “I saw it with my own two eyes, don’t you go lying to me.”
Your heart picked up its pace, all the blood in your body turning to ice in your veins. Pressing your lips together in a thin line, you fought to hold back the tears threatening to spill.
“I don’t want you seeing him anymore– that kinda filth he’s involved in…” he shook his head, “it’s sinful and I don’t want him getting you involved in that.” Your uncle’s voice was stern, words spat through gritted teeth.
You were frozen in your seat. Your heart beating so fast you thought it might burst through your ribcage. You didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. All too quickly you were transported back home, back to who you used to be. You drew a shaky breath as a single tear spilled down your cheek.
“What would your parents say if they knew what you were doing down here? Who your friends were? That Deborah? Did you see how short her dress was? The city of sin this is,” your uncle continued as he pulled into the parking lot outside your apartment complex.
With eyes glued to your hands, you couldn’t get a single word to come out of your mouth – like they were stuck to the back of your throat where they formed a painful lump. After parking the car, your uncle turned to you, a finger brushing over your cheek in a suffocating touch.
“Sweetie,” he started, voice gone softer, “I’m worried about you. You’re out here all alone– all alone with all this temptation. Wouldn’t it be nice if you came back home with me, hm? Get you back where you belong?”
"I–..."
The words stayed stuck in your throat, unable to rise over the anxiety that gripped you at the thought of returning home to your parents. How different your life would be, back to the way it used to be, an old prison you'd hoped you'd left far behind you. Yet you felt numb, finding yourself incapable of uttering a single word of protest as your uncle nodded self-righteously. 
"I think that's the best, sweetie," he told you, his tone sounding entirely too convinced, "Tell you what Hon. . . I'm gonna be driving back down tomorrow, and I'll be damned if you aren't sitting in this seat all safe right next to me, alright? So why don't you go and pack your stuff and a bag, and I'll be by in the afternoon to pick you up?"
You said nothing, the rising panic in your throat rendering you almost paralyzed. Your fingers desperately reached for the car door handle; you needed to get out of this car. 
Unaware of your distress, your uncle bid you a contented 'See you later' as you stepped out of his car, slamming the door shut. 
Finally, he drove off. You watched him disappear with a knot in your stomach until he was just a tiny dot on the horizon, wishing he would stay that way as you tried desperately not to throw up your dinner in the parking lot.
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“Hello?”
The electric static of your voice filled Joel with a deep sense of relief. His grip around the phone handset tightened as he forced out a clumsy, “It’s Joel.”
The sigh you sent down the phone tickled up his spine, but before you could say anything Joel continued, “I just wanted to apologize to you… for last night.”
He’d felt awful all through the night and into the morning. He’d fucked it up again. Letting you leave like that last night was the hardest thing he’d done in a long while. Had you not gone to the bathroom and left him with your uncle, none of this would’ve happened.
You sighed again, “All you do is apologize Joel, but do you ever mean it?”
Joel face contracted into a grimace, “I do, sweet girl, you don’t know how much I mean it,”
“Joel…” your voice sounded pained, and it shattered something inside him. He just wanted you to be happy, and loved, and taken care of, but all he’d done was hurt you, again and again.
“It doesn’t matter how much you mean it Joel… none of it matters anymore.” The tone of your voice scared him.
“What d’you mean, sweetheart?” he hurried.
“It’s just… you don’t need to worry about me anymore, Joel– I’m leaving LA tonight.”
Joel felt his heart drop to his stomach, a rising panic bubbling under his skin as he stumbled out, “What are you talkin’ about, sweet girl?”
“I’m going back home tonight. I-I don’t know when I’ll be back– if I’m coming back. Joel, I can’t be your assistant anymore.”
“Fuck being my assistant!” he spoke through gritted teeth, holding back from yelling out in panic, “What d’you mean you’re leavin’?” Joel’s voice faltered as his heart caught up with what was about to happen.
He was gonna lose you. You would never be his. He was losing the first girl he thought he could really love. The girl he wanted a future with. Hell, the girl he could see himself grow old with. Joel knew it was fast, way too fast to be feeling like this about you, but right now, all those shitty romance novels about finding ‘the one’, all those weeping love songs about love at first sight – after you, they didn’t seem so stupid anymore.
“Joel, it’s– it’s okay.” Your voice had gone soft, but he could still hear the strain of hurt in it.
“It’s not, sweet girl, nothin’ about this is okay.” Joel’s eyes fell shut, his thumb and pointer finger coming up to squeeze at the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t lose you. “I’m comin’ over– We can’t be doin’ this over the phone.”
“Joel,” you sighed.
“I’m comin’ over,” he reiterated, and hung up.
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You were carrying a bag to your car when you saw Joel’s car pull into the parking lot. He must’ve noticed you right away as he’d hastily parked next to your own car – his wheels screeched against the asphalt. As you made your way across the parking lot, you watched how he almost jumped out the car like he was in a hurry, coming around the back to fill the space between your cars.
“Joel– you really didn’t have to come all the way out here,” you told him when you got close enough, stepping past him to place your last bag in your back seat. He leaned his hand on your door, holding it open for you, his broad form shielding you from the blazing afternoon sun.
Inside, your apartment was left half-empty. You’d left most of your things, only bringing your clothes, your pictures, your records and your record player, and your books. 
You didn’t need much more where you were going.
The thought still made your stomach turn in on itself, the dread of going back home had trickled down your back ever since last night. But what choice did you have? It was either your parents finding out about your job and Joel, or going back home. You knew your uncle; he’d never keep this a secret if you didn’t do as he said. If your parents found out it would be over for you. You didn’t even want to think about it; they’d disown you if they were feeling nice, or send you to an asylum if they were feeling extra nice. If you didn’t go now, they’d never let you come home again, and it scared you, you were already on thin ice for moving to LA in the first place.
“Are you just gonna pretend this isn’t your uncle’s idea?” Joel’s voice had a bite to it, and it caught you off guard. Standing to your full height you raised a hand to shield your eyes from the sun. His face wore none of the anger you’d heard in his voice, instead there was a veil of sadness coating his features.
“I– Why do you think that?” You tried to keep your voice steady, normal, you didn’t want him to hear how scared you were.
“’Cause of what he told me back at the restaurant,” he closed your car door, “told me he knew who I really was and to stay away from you– he didn’t want me taintin’ you with my filth.”
Your eyes fell shut as your hand came up to rub at your forehead. So that’s what happened yesterday? Letting your hand fall, your eyes fell over Joel’ face; over his neat mustache that tickled you in just the right way whenever he kissed you, over his soft curls he’d let grow out the last couple of months, and over his eyes. His brown eyes now swirling with something you hadn’t seen in them before. Shame?  
“I done fucked it up haven’t I– you associatin’ with me? He’s takin’ you back to your daddy, ‘s that it?” When he met your eyes they softened, a veil of his regular self now concealing that blink of insecurity.  
You shook your head as a lump grew at the back of your throat, “You just– you don’t understand Joel.” The words came out strained as you felt tears push behind your eyelids.
“Hey,” Joel softened immediately, his hand wrapping gently around your upper arm and sending a warmth through your body. “You’re okay, sweet girl, tell me what I don’t understand.”
He stepped a little closer, but not too close, his hand traveled up your arm in a soothing gesture. Your eyes fell shut again, squeezing them tight to stave off your tears. You’ve never talked about it before with anybody. Never talked about your family and how trapped you’d felt by their rules and their expectations; the guilt they’d instilled in you for never being able to live up to the person they wanted you to be.
You shook your head, “I don’t think I can,” you half-whispered.
“Sweetheart, I– I know I fucked it up with you, and I know I ain’t your boyfriend or nothin’, but I do care for you– I care for you more than you think. I wanna be there for you when somethin’s wrong. So please, tell me what’s wrong.”
Slowly opening your eyes, you looked at him. Those warm like whiskey eyes staring at you with concern and with a hint of something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Adoration? Fondness? Love?
“My uncle will be back soon,” you said, voice low, “he wants to get on the road before dark.”
“’s that really what you want?” he asked then, his hand slipping from your arm.
“It’s– it’s complicated, Joel.”
A sigh escaped him, as he ran a hand over his face, “Yeah… I just wish you weren’t leavin’– wish it didn’t have to end like this.”
He didn’t look like himself. Eyes shining with sadness, and that usual cocky lilt to his voice gone, exchanged by something low and strangled. His face contorted into a crooked smile, his shoulders shaking with an unhumorous breathy laugh as he shook his head.
“Shit–”, he snickered, “life’s cruel sometimes… you finally fall in love with a girl and then…” he shook his head.
You felt like you’d been hit by a truck. Fall in love? In love with you? Joel didn’t look at you, his hand rubbed at the back of his neck as he started to walk away, rounding the tail of his car.
“Fall in love?” you asked, hands falling to your side in shock, “with me?”
Joel stopped at your voice, “Couldn’t help it,” he shrugged with a sad smile.
Those tears you’d fought so hard to stave off finally broke loose, a single tear running down your cheek – the tear in the dam of your sadness. Joel’s arms were around you in an instance, strong and steady. He held you so close to his broad chest, that familiar scent of cologne mixed with cigarettes making a sob escape you as you realized you’d never be able to be this close to him ever again.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled into his shirt.
Joel’s grip around you tightened as he dipped his head against your cheek, “Why are you apologizin’, sweet girl? I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“I don’t want to leave,” you whispered; your tears staining his shirt.
“Then don’t– stay,” Joel said, soothing a hand across your back.
“I-I can’t– they’ll… they’ll hate me if they find out.”
“Find out about what, sweet girl?”
“You… the porn… everything. He’ll tell them and I’ll never be able to come home again,” you cried into his shirt.
“Okay,” Joel sighed, loosening his grip around you, “let’s go back to my place– we should talk.”
“But my uncle–” you started to protest, but Joel cut you off.
“He doesn’t decide over you, sweet girl, you make your own decisions– you hear me?”
His hands found your face, his massive palms holding you gently as he rubbed his thumbs down your cheek, drying your tears. You could only nod.
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You’d never been inside Joel’s house before, you realized, as you trailed after him up the steps to his front door. He lived in one of those houses at the top of a long hill where he had the most incredible view over LA. You knew porn paid him the big bucks, but he’d been sensible when it came to his home – well, sensible for LA. 
It was a one-story house in the shape of an U; inside, the hallway opened up to a living room where big glass doors framed his back yard and a kidney shaped pool. Warm, dark toned wood paneling clad his walls and made the space feel masculine, but inviting.
With a hand hovering over your back he guided you towards his couch. “D’you want a cup of tea?” Joel asked you as you sat down on his leather couch. He looked nervous where he stood, palms running down the side of his leg like he didn’t know what to do with them. It was contagious.
“Um, okay,” you nodded, shifting a little in your seat and folding your hands in your lap.
Waiting for Joel to come back from the kitchen you tried to steady your stuttering heart. You’d been mostly silent on the drive over, trying to wrap your head around the fact that Joel was in love with you – the fact never seeming to stick to your brain in the right way.
It felt ridiculous – Joel, a successful pornstar, being in love with you. But stacked on top of his confession was the fact that Joel was a pornstar – making a living out of having sex with other women. You didn’t understand how exactly it bothered you, but you knew that it did somewhere deep down – but then again did you have any right to be bothered by it if it paid your bills.
“Didn’t know if you took sugar or not so I brought the bowl.” Joel pulled you from your thoughts, placing a steaming cup of tea and a small crystal bowl filled with sugar on the coffee table in front of you.
“Thank you,” you smiled meekly, your hand finding the string to bop the teabag as you watched the steaming water turn darker.
You felt the cushion dip as Joel sat down, a seat of absence between you. 
The air felt loaded. Loaded with the week left behind you. Loaded with Joel’s lingering confession. Loaded with the uncertain future. Joel watched your hands, eyes fixed but far away.
“I… uh,” Joel cleared his throat as he searched for his words. “I wanna apologize to you for– for everythin’ that happened at work on Monday.”
You felt yourself not, drawing back your hands to rest them in your lap, a finger clumsily picking at your nailbed.
“There ain’t no excuse for how I was actin’– for the things I said… truth is, the way I feel about you, I’ve never felt like this with anyone before. You make–” Joel tipped his head, a smile coating his lips, “you make everythin’ just brighter– like everythin’ will be alright as long as I have you… And I know this all feels fast, but I’ve been crazy ‘bout you since I first laid my eyes on you. I ain’t ever believed in that ‘love at first sight’ crap but,” Joel hesitated, like the words hung at the tip of his tongue but wouldn’t let go.
“But?” you encouraged.
“I think I do now.”
His words tasted so bitter and so sweet. Tipping your head downwards your eyes found your hands.
“Joel…” you shook your head, trying to will the words to form. “This… I don’t understand.”
“What ain’t you understandin’, sweet girl?” He shifted his weight, leaning closer but still maintaining a respectful distance.
“Why me?” You looked up from your lap, eyebrows pulled together in a frown.
“Are you kiddin’ me?” He breathed out in shock.
“I mean, you’re Joel Packer– you can have any girl you want… and I guess you already do– at work.” You swallowed around the growing lump in your throat, tears pushing behind your eyelids.
“Well, I ain’t in love with all those other girls, am I?” His voice was gentle; the words escaping like they were the easiest words in the world.
Your tears pushed their way forward, trailing down your cheeks like curving rivers. Joel instantly moved closer, the familiar warmth of his body against your side made the tears run faster.
“Hey, my sweet girl, it’s okay, baby, it’s alright,” he cooed, pulling you into his embrace.
“It’s not, Joel… I don’t know what to do,” you sobbed into his shoulder.
“Tell me and we’ll figure it out together,” he pulled away to cup your head in his hands, thumbs wiping away your tears, “just tell me, baby.”
You watched his face, your eyes dancing over his features, drinking him in. Drawing a deep breath, you told Joel everything. You told him about your parents and your upbringing, their rules and their expectations. How they’d wanted you to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, and someday the perfect wife. You told him why you’d moved to LA in the first place – to run from it all, from the guilt and shame they instilled in you for never being what they wanted. Joel held you in his arms as you emptied your feelings. He let you speak, humming at the right moments and squeezing you tighter when it was extra emotional for you.
“And now my uncle’s gonna tell them about you and the porn and–” you spoke fast, stumbling over your words, “they’ll disown me– I know it or worse they’ll come and get me… send me somewhere,” you sobbed.
“Heyheyhey,” Joel shifted his hold on you. You’d sunk into the couch as he’d let you talk, your feet slung over his lap as he held you close. Now he sat up, turning your body to face him, eyes locked with yours. “Listen, baby– they ain’t takin’ you anywhere, you hear me? You’re an adult– you’re your own person now!”
“I know I’m askin’ a lot of you– you’re afraid of losin’ your family– I understand! Believe me I do.” His head tipped against your forehead, nose brushing gently against yours. “My folks, they—... well they ain’t talkin’ to me anymore. Don’t matter how famous I am, I’m a sinner to them.”
“Joel, I’m sorry,” you whispered, your heart aching for him.
“Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry about– it’s in the past and I got Tommy…” he trailed off, lifting his head, one large hand cupping your cheek. “Listen, my sweet girl, you’re the only girl I want. I want you to stay, but I want you to stay for your own sake. There ain’t nothin’ you owe your folks, okay? And I promise you I’ll always be there for you!”
For once you didn’t think.
Leaning closer you brushed your lips against Joel’s, and it made all the walls inside you break down. Humming in surprise he stalled before he relaxed against you, pulling you closer, his hand pressed into your cheek. There was no air, only Joel. His mustache tickled your upper lip and cupid’s bow in just the right way, and you realized just how much you’d missed him.
The kiss was languid like molasses, pulling you apart and putting you together again. Your hand found his neck, fingers curling into the hair at the back of his neck – tethering yourself to him. He broke away from your kiss, pressing soft tender kisses along your jaw, his hand brushing down the column of your neck.
“Come sit in my lap, sweet girl,” he whispered into your skin and a rush of electricity sped through your body. His hand fell to your waist while the other grabbed at the thick of your thigh – maneuvering you to straddle him.
“There you go, my good girl,” he praised, his hands rubbing it into your skin. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” Joel leaned forward, pressing soft kisses to the spot where your jaw met your neck.
“Joel, I– ah!” you gasped as he brushed his tongue over that sensitive spot behind your ear. You felt his smile against your skin, teeth nipping at your sensitive skin before his lips brushed over your drumming pulse. He kissed his way along your jaw, nose bumping into yours as he hovered before your lips – daring you to kiss him again.
You took the bait, eyes flicking down to his lips before you pressed your own against him. You didn’t have much experience with love but being this close to Joel felt so right. Maybe this was what love was, you thought. 
“I think I’m in love with you,” you mumbled against his lips, your words swallowed by his kiss. A wide smile blossomed across Joel’s face at your words, and soon you were kissing teeth.
“Whatchu sayin’, sweet girl?” he grinned, raising one eyebrow at you as he leaned back.
You had to fight not to roll your eyes at him, at how he always found a way to playfully tease you. You weren’t joking though – you meant it, you really did.
“I’m in love with you too,” you told him sincerely, “I don’t know how to be in love, so you’ll have to be patient with me, but I’m yours if you’ll have me.”
“I’ll always want you, sweet girl, always,” he promised, sealing it with a chaste kiss.
“I uh, I think I need to quit being your assistant too,” you said, biting your lip. “I can’t– I don’t really want to see you with other women… you can tell me about work, but I don’t want to see it.”
Joel squeezed your waist gently before rubbing soft circles over the spot. “That’s okay– thank you for tellin’ me,” he nodded, “I’ll talk to Ronald ‘n see if he knows if there’s any assistant jobs for you over in Hollywood.”
You slowly shook your head, “Ronald is a piece of shit.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Joel chuckled, leaning his head against the back of the couch, “But he’s connected, and very convincin’.”
“He’d never do that for me,” you said.
“But he’ll do it for me– I’m his favorite client,” he grinned, leaning forward to cup your chin, before pulling his hand away.
“You just make him a lot of money,” you countered with a shrug, still sitting pretty in his lap.
“Do I now?” Joel asked, leaning closer with a cocky grin, “’n how do I do that, sweet girl?”
“Joel,” you sighed as his lips brushed over yours in another quick peck.
“Listen,” he started, “It’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone ‘n I won’t lie, last time it got complicated ‘cause of my job. You know what the job entails, but I need you to talk to me– we need to be communicatin’, you need to tell me ‘f somethin’s wrong– just like you’re doing so well for me right now.”
“Ok, Joel,” you nodded, wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder.
“Thank you, sweet girl,” he mumbled, placing a soft kiss to your temple.
You stayed like that for seconds, minutes, hours, you didn’t know. But it felt nice to be so close, to just be in each other’s company, to enjoy being so in tune with another person without any ulterior motive. You didn’t know when, or who started it, but his lips were back over yours, moving in a perfect rhythm. Slow and drawn out, enjoying every second of being this close. When his tongue darted over your bottom lip, the kiss got messier, more passionate, like either of you couldn’t get enough of the other.
Under you, you felt Joel’s cock harden, the feel of what you did to him making your cunt ache for him. His capable hands had explored your clothed body, rubbing softly over the dips and curves before they’d landed on your ass. With a gentle rock, he’d moved you back and forth over him, catching your every moan with his mouth as your clit caught on his growing bulge.
It felt so good. Joel felt so good.
He moved you expertly over him, edging you closer to an edge you didn’t think you could reach this fast, your arousal soiling your panties with every grind. The kiss got sloppy, and you broke away, content little sighs escaping your mouth as you buried your face in Joel’s neck. He was everywhere. The scent of him, his warmth, his hard cock underneath you– it was all too much, and Joel knew it. Tightening his grip on your ass, he bucked his hips to meet your grinding, and you snapped. Mewling into his neck, you withered in his lap, legs shaking with your orgasm.
“Joel,” you managed to moan between the white hot ecstasy.
“There you go, baby– good girl, come for me, just like that,” he encouraged, rubbing his hand down your back in gentle strokes. His heavy hand rested over your back, pressing soft kisses to your temple as you came down, cooing at the aftershock.
With your mind somewhat back on earth you lifted your head from the home you’d made in his neck to place a soft kiss to his lips. Meanwhile your hands slipped between your bodies, clumsy fingers fiddling with the buttons on his jeans.
Joel broke your kiss, “Not here.” Confused, you pulled away, your eyebrows meeting in a furrow. “Let me fuck you properly… in my bed.”
Stumbling back into his hallway, your hands linked, he led you to his bedroom. His decorating was simple: a king-sized bed placed up against the back wall, paired with more of those large floor-to-ceiling windows gave him a view out into his backyard. An art piece hung above his bed, which looked suspiciously like a Warhol, but you didn’t have time to dwell on it with Joel’s hands on you.
He took his time undressing you– one painstaking item at a time, dotting kisses to each new piece of skin revealed. You were practically swimming in your arousal by the time he got to your panties. He had that look in his eyes, something dark and filled with lust as he sank to his knees before you. Never breaking eye contact, Joel leaned in, his lips brushing over the soft spot below your belly button – it made goosebumps prickle across your skin, and a hitch of breath to get stuck in your throat.  His lips skated downwards, running along the elastic of your panties, teeth nipping at the bow in the center.
It was like time stood still. Outside the setting sun filled Joel’s bedroom with a golden hue, and bathed him a soft warmth. The way he looked at you sent bolts of electricity through your body, into every nerve ending. He was everywhere, and you wanted him everywhere, wanted him inside.
His fingertips grazed the side of your thighs, finding the thin sides of your panties. His eyes locked with yours and you nodded along with a breathless, “Yes,” before he pulled them down. A smile filled with cocky happiness spread across his features when he hit a bit of a snag, your arousal and previous orgasm making the fabric stick to your cunt.
After helping you step out of your panties, Joel sat back on his heels as he admired you. His tight jeans clung to his thighs and your eyes couldn’t help but trail over him; over his strong muscles, his impressive bulge, his signature belt buckle and his scarlet red shirt with the deep V, straining against his shoulders. Naked and bare for him, he took in your body, those warm whiskey eyes memorizing every inch of it. The rough skin of his hand made you keen under his touch where it skated up your leg, following your form and parting your legs for him. Hooking his hand under your thigh, Joel placed it over his shoulder giving him a perfect view of your wet cunt, while your fingers found his curls to keep yourself steady.
“Look at this pretty pussy,” he whispered almost to himself, “it’s all messy f’me ain’t it?” He dragged his lips along your inner thigh, dark eyes locked with yours.
“Y-yes,” you managed to stutter out – your whole body alight under his touch.
“Yes, it is, baby,” he underlined his words with a finger swiping through your soaked folds, the sound filling the space between you. “You hear? Hear how messy?”
A heat traveled up your neck to your cheeks, making them burn under his playful teasing. “Joel,” you whined, your fingers tightening your grip on his curls. He continued his teasing, placing wet kisses to the inside of your other thigh. The coarse hair of his mustache brushing against the sensitive skin in just the right way. 
“Fuck,” he whispered against your skin, “you gonna let me take care of ya, sweet girl? Gonna let me show you I’m only yours?”
You were nodding even before he’d finished his sentence, “Yes,” you sighed. The ache between your legs burned so bright it almost hurt.
With your permission, Joel closed the teasing distance, and buried his face between your legs. He started with a kiss directly to your clit, before he dipped lower to taste you properly. Small and breathy sighs escaped your lips, your other hand not in his hair falling to his shoulder to keep you from keeling over.
The flat of his tongue lapped at the seam of your cunt, collecting your arousal on your tongue, as he hummed in contentment. It felt too good. He always made you feel so good. When the tip of his tongue teased your hole, you had to bite down on your bottom lip to fight back the moan about to escape you. Pressing your heel into his back, your body bucked by its own will, meeting the swipes and zigzags of his tongue.
“Joel,” you gasped when he found your clit again, a tense arousal building in your core. Spurred on by your noises, Joel sucked at your sensitive bud, laving his tongue over it in lazy strokes.
“Fuck,” you whispered, breath hitching in your throat as you squeezed your eyes shut from the ecstasy. You were close now, your second orgasm approaching fast in Joel’s capable hands– or tongue.
“C’mon, baby,” he spoke between laps over your clit, urging you on, “come all over my tongue.”
A hand slid up to your ass, holding you flush to his face as you started to wither above him. His cheeks were warm from your soft thighs, his mustache slick with your arousal as he brought you closer and closer.
“There she goes, good girl,” he said with a ragged puff, encouraging you when the dam finally broke. His grip on your ass tightened, keeping you upright, as your whole body started to shake with your orgasm. Your grip on his hair was tight, tethering yourself to Joel, as you whimpered out breathy moans. Your hips bucked into his mouth, and the heel you dug into his back must’ve hurt, but your mind was entirely elsewhere, lost in the pleasure he was giving you.
He pressed soft kisses to the fold where your thigh started as the aftershocks coursed through you, holding you steady while your chest heaved for breath as you tried to calm down.
“Joel,” you sighed contently, your hand brushing over his hair. He didn’t pull away like you thought he’d do, instead he placed another kiss to your sensitive clit. You jumped at the touch, a giggle catching in your throat.
“I’m not done witchu, sweet girl.” You could feel the smile against your skin, the way his lips smoothed the exposed surface, the sweetness of his smile practically dripping down your legs.
He helped you slide your leg off his shoulder, his big hands framing your waist as he rose from the floor with a restrained grunt. He looked a mess. Hair pulled in all directions, mustache glistening with your wetness and cheeks smeared with your arousal. Seeing what you’d done to him, you felt your cheeks heat up.
With his hands around your waist, he walked you backwards, until the back of your legs hit the end of the bed. He was crowding your space now, the familiar scent of him now mixed with you sent your brain into a mushy state. He pushed you forward gently, and you fell down on his bed, bouncing slightly.
Joel towered over you, still completely dressed. The thought of how bare you were for him, while he was still fully clothed, sent a tingle down your tummy to your core. He had the upper hand, and it felt good. It felt good to let him take control, to be able to shut your brain off for a while, to know he would take care of you.
Across his face, Joel wore his signature cocky grin as he stepped closer to the edge of the bed, the hardwood floor creaking slightly with ever step. You dipped your head to your shoulder, looking up at him through your lashes, and it made his smile wider. He stalked over you, his hand curling around your ankle before he playful yanked you towards him. A yelp fell from your lips, before a giggle broke lose.
“Oh, you ain’t gonna be gigglin’ like that when I’m done witchu,” he teased, lowering himself over your body.
“W-what are you gonna do to me?” you asked breathlessly as Joel dipped down to nip at the skin below your collarbone.
A deep chuckle rumbled across your skin between his kisses, “Gonna make you come, and come and come, sweet girl– wanna feel you squeezin’ around cock– make you forget your own name.”
“Shit, Joel,” you stuttered out as his lips closed around your nipple, “I-I haven’t–”
He cut you off, “That ain’t matter to me, sweet girl, I know you’ll be good f’me.”
And he was right; you wanted nothing more than to be good for him.
He kissed a trail down the valley of your breasts, across your tummy and the dip of your belly button until he reached your mound. Joel got comfortable on his knees, hooking his arms under your legs to manhandle you the way he wanted, spreading your thighs, and putting your wet cunt on display for him.
“Sweet fuckin’ pussy,” he pulled back and spat, and you felt the way his spit dripped down your clit, “Sweetest pussy I’ve ever tasted.”
With his thumb he smeared his spit through your folds, not that you needed it, you were plenty wet from your two previous orgasms. You jumped under him when he brushed your clit, puffed and sensitive as it was, and it made him chuckle.
“You’re so sensitive, aren’t you, sweet girl?” he coaxed, putting more pressure on your clit with his thumb.
Your moan got caught in your throat as you hurried to answer him, “Y-yes, Joel, so sensitive.” Heat and arousal flushed through your body, traveling through your bloodstream, and shading the world in a rose-tinted hue.
Another chuckle escaped Joel before he ducked down and brought his lips to your clit, while two of his fingers teased down your folds to edge at your opening. You felt your hole clench in anticipation, as a whimpering moan fell from your lips.
“This hole is just drippin’ for me ain’t it?” he teased, voice muffled by his lips around your clit.
You couldn’t think, so consumed by his touch and the way he made you feel. You managed to nod and breathe out a “Yes.” Joel hummed around your clit, the vibrations edging you on as his fingers prodded at your entrance.
Pushing forward he thrusted his fingers inside. It was a snug fit, but your arousal dripping over his knuckles made it easy. He immediately curled his fingers, expertly prodding at that sensitive spot inside that made you squirm underneath him and buck your hips involuntarily.  
“Shh,” Joel soothed you, fingers still pushing up, hitting something that made your leg shake involuntarily as he circled them against the delicate flesh.
Shit. Fuck.
You mewled, whiny breaths falling from your lips as you hurled quickly towards the edge, again. Joel didn’t let up, thrusting his fingers expertly into that perfectly sensitive spot. When your right leg couldn’t stop shaking, he slung his other arm over your stomach, keeping you in place for him.
“That’s it, sweet girl, that’s your g-spot, honey,” he cooed between lapping and sucking at your clit, “Are you gonna come again, baby? You can let go– ‘s okay.”
The added pressure of his arm sent your hurling towards your release. Your back arched off his bed at a particular perfect thrust; your breath coming out panting and breathless.
“Joel–” you heaved, “J-Joel, I-I’m—,” you couldn’t finish your thought. You clenched around his fingers, a pressure building like you’d never felt before – you felt like you were about to explode.
Joel sucked hard on your clit before he moved his lips off with a soft pop, “C’mon, honey,” he coaxed, stopping his thrusting fingers to massage at your g-spot, “Be a good girl f’me and come all over my fingers.”
With his permission you came with a silent cry, eyes squeezed tight as your whole body arched off the bed, your head pressed tightly into the mattress as you let it wash over you. It was like your body clenched and released all at the same time. Small tears trickled down your temples, your body shaking from the force of your orgasm. You gushed over his fingers, and Joel pulled his fingers from your wasted hole at the exact right moment, right as a stream of liquid released.
You were somewhere else entirely, floating away on a cloud of ecstasy you’d never felt before – the feeling so intense, it made your eyes roll back. Beside you, you felt the bed dip. Still shaking from your orgasm, you heaved for your breath, trying to come down. Joel’s arms snaked their way around you, pushing you against his body as he cooed and hushed you.
“You’re alright, sweet girl,” he mumbled against your temple, “squirting all over my hand like a good girl.”
“Joel, I–” You were still catching your breath, still reeling from the intensity.
“You’re ok, baby.” 
He held you close until you’d fully calmed down, and your heartbeat had steadied. You let yourself be held, to just be. Joel pressed absentminded kisses to your skin. One on your cheek, another to the pulse of your neck, a third to your collarbone. He was amazing. He was yours.
“Thank you, Joel,” you finally spoke, “I’ve– I’ve never done that before, it… it felt really good.”
Joel pressed another kiss to your cheek, “You’re welcome, baby– you looked so fuckin’ hot comin’ like that.” 
He pressed another kiss to your cheek before he pulled away. Standing to his feet he stretched his back with a groan. You watched how his muscles moved underneath his shirt. He must’ve felt you watching him as he sent you a cocky smile over his shoulder before he padded towards the door of his en suite.
You turned onto your stomach, your eyebrows pulling together in a furrow as you asked him, “Where are you going?”
“Just gonna getchu ya somethin’ to clean up with,” he explained, nodding his head towards his en suite.
“But…” you trailed off, eyes flicking sheepishly towards his bulge, his cock rock hard and straining against his jeans.
He caught your eye, his trademark cocky smirk spreading. Joel turned his body towards you, and let you ogle him as he crept towards you. “But, what?” he questioned, one teasing eyebrow raised.
“What about…” you bit your lip, heat flushing your cheeks. He’d made you squirt for fucks sake, and you still couldn’t ask him for his cock.
“What about what?” he teased, standing at the end of the bed, his hard cock now eye level with how you were sitting. He watched you from above, how you flicked your eyes from his face to his cock, trying to tell him what you wanted without saying the words.
“You want more, greedy girl?” he questioned, cupping your cheek and angling your face towards him, “You want my cock, don’t you?”
You nodded in his hand, big moony eyes looking up at him. Joel shifted his weight, his hand traveling from your cheek to your chin, letting his thumb run over it in a smooth motion.
“Take my clothes off,” he ordered.
Sitting up on your knees, your hands started fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. Above you, Joel watched you – warm eyes studying you. Unbuttoning the last button, you placed a nervous hand to his chest, right above his heart. Under your palm you felt it beat, fast paced, but steady. With a scrunch of your face, you looked to him.
“Yeah,” he chuckled, fitting his own hand over yours, “I’m crazy ‘bout you, sweet girl.” He dipped his head to fit a soft kiss to your lips.
He helped you with the rest of his clothes. His shirt hitting the floor first, then followed by his belt and his jeans, and lastly his socks. Clad only in his white briefs, you took him in. His handsome face, his neat mustache, his tanned skin and broad shoulders, but most importantly (at least in this moment), his aching cock.
“Take it out f’me,” he ordered.
Obeying his command, your fingers dug into the elastic. His rock hard cock strained desperately against the cotton, a wet spot had formed where the head was, turning the fabric translucent from precum. You pulled his briefs down his legs, his impressive cock springing free to bob in front of your face. Joel stepped out of his underwear, kicking them across the floor to the pile with his other clothes.
You moved up the bed as he crawled over you, parting your legs for him to fit between as you laid back against his fluffy pillows, the scent of him overwhelming. His cock rubbed against your cunt, the head catching on your clit as he adjusted himself over you.
“This whatchu wanted, sweet girl?” he asked, guiding the tip through your folds, and coating himself in your arousal.
“Y-yes, Joel, please,” you begged, “want you.”
Between your legs he jerked himself off, spreading your wetness all over his cock, a slick wet sound squelching from his fist. Joel’s eyes trailed over your body before he shook his head.
“Sit up,” he said.
Confused, you did as he said, sitting up on your knees before him. Joel shifted on the bed, leaning his back against the headrest, his impressive cock standing to attention in his lap.
“C’mon baby, come take what’s yours,” he said, reaching his hand out to you and helping you straddle his thighs.
Looking between your bodies, you couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated. Each time you’d had sex, Joel was always the one in control, but now… Your teeth caught on your bottom lip, insecurity an uninvited guest in the home you’d made in Joel’s bed.
Warm hands cupped your cheeks then, lifting your head to meet his. “You’re alright, my sweet girl,” he told you, fitting his lips against yours, “wanna feel you squeezin’ my cock.”
With Joel’s guiding hands, you lifted yourself over him as he guided the head towards your entrance, the head of his cock pushing through your folds. “Take it slow ‘f ya need it,” he told you, reassuring you. With a timid nod, you shifted your weight slightly, steading yourself on your knees before you slowly sunk down on him.
Your mouth dropped open at the stretch, never really getting used to the size of him – even with the thorough prep he’d done to you. You took your time, easing yourself down on him one inch at a time till he was buried to the hilt in your cunt. He was so deep inside you in this position, you felt him in your tummy, too deep for a cock to reach.
“Shit,” you cursed with a whimper, feeling Joel’s thighs press against your bare ass.
“That’s it, good fuckin’ girl, knew you could do it– takin’ all that cock f’me,” he praised as you tried to adjust to the feeling of him reaching so deep inside you. His hand landed on the small of your back, pushing you closer to his chest and making you rock forward in his lap.
“Y-you’re so deep like this,” you stuttered, draping your arms around his shoulder to steady yourself as his cock hit a new angle inside you, and making you see stars.
“I know, sweet girl, I know– feels good, don’t it?” he cooed, and rocked you in his lap again. Your clit caught in the coarse hair at the base of his cock, and it made a gush of arousal drip down his cock.
You nodded your head desperately. It felt good, it felt really good.
“Why don’t ya bounce on it f’me, honey– make yourself come.”
Again, you obeyed.
You started slow, inching upwards just a tad before grinding down on him again, working yourself up and down his length at your own pace. Below you, Joel watched you closely, a lazy smile spread across his face. His hand on your waist helped guide you, and soon you were bouncing on his cock like an eager little bunny.
“Fuck,” you cursed between moans.
The drag of his cock inside you felt like nothing you’d ever felt before. Love and ecstasy and pleasure – all mixed up into one infatuated feeling. Under you, Joel groaned unabashedly. The noises he made, deep and rugged as he started to meet your bouncing with his own thrusts, building a rising rhythm of pleasure.
“Feel so fuckin’ good, baby,” he groaned, “squeezin’ my cock so good.”
“Uh-uh,” you nodded, mind gone completely blank.
The feeling of him filling you just right with every thrust and hitting that special spot inside you, were almost too much to handle. Your thighs burned with the effort, and you didn’t know how much more you could take before he was hurling you over the edge for the fourth time.
“You gonna come again, sweet girl? Gonna be my good girl and give me ’nother? Give that big cock a nice squeeze?” he encouraged.
You were far too gone to say anything coherent and when his thumb found your clit, you knew you were in trouble. Your legs shook from pleasure and the strain of your bouncing, and you fell forward, your head finding a home in his neck as you gasped. Joel worked quickly and expertly, shifting your weight on his lap so he could thrust into you from below. Breathy whiny moans escaped you in quick succession, and then you were falling apart for him with a cry.
“That’s my good girl,” he praised you through gritted teeth as you withered in his lap, squirming and gasping in his lap. Your walls fluttered and pulsed around his cock as you rode through your orgasm. Under you, Joel’s breath became shallower and his grunts more restrained, and even in your cloud of ecstasy you knew he was close.
“Fuck, ‘m comin’” he let out, quickly lifting you off his cock before he spilled hot cum onto your tummy and mound, his panting moan deep and guttural. It was hot and sticky and suffocating in a good way.
As the sun set over LA, you and Joel found refuge in each other under the pink and orange sky. Your panting breaths slowed to a still comforting silence as you held each other close, and you knew that there was nowhere else you’d rather be.
You had been unable to see it before, or simply just unwilling to let yourself see it, but the answer had been on the tip of your tongue all along. Joel had been the missing piece of your puzzle, the part you'd never even known you'd needed until he'd slotted himself securely into that space, completing your life in a way your family had never been able to. Being with Joel felt right, and if there was one thing you did know, was that no matter what your uncle said or did, or what your parents would think, you were done making sacrifices.  And so you laid in Joel's arms, your chest unraveling with the relief of the knowledge that for maybe the first time in your life, you were making a choice entirely for yourself, and that, given the chance, you would choose Joel, every day, for the rest of your life.
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and that's the end <3 if this was a movie we'd slowly fade to a drone shot of LA while cher's cover of "lay baby lay" starts playing as the credits roll over the cityscape.
i hope this was okay, and that the ending was satisfying and that you liked it? as always feedback as a comment, in the tags, as an ask or reply is very much appreciated, and they make me super happy! <3 i'm very curious to hear your thoughts about this! <3
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ravenromanova · 5 months
Text
Please be mine
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Pairings: Roommate Bucky x Female reader (Best friends to lovers)
Warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUT DO NOT READ IF YOURE UNDER 18. Daddy kink, Size kink, Fingering, Sex in a tub, Breeding kink. DO NOT READ IF YOURE UNDERAGE!!!!!!!!!!
Summary: Bucky helps when youre stressed out
Kinktober masterlist - Main masterlist - Send me requests!!!!
~
The cool autumn air hit your skin as you walked back to your apartment after finishing your last class of the day. You trudged along the way wishing that you brought a jacket today. Luckily the walk to your apartment wasnt that long so you weren’t in the cold all that long. When you made it back to your apartment your roommate and best friend Bucky was already home so you didn’t have to bother unlocking the front door.
“Hey sweets” Bucky greeted you when you walked through the door. His warm voice sent a shiver down your spine as he spoke.
“Hey Buck” Your voice was small and sounded very defeated when you spoke. Bucky stood up from his place on the couch and walked over to where you were in the kitchen. He stood in front of you and ran his hands up and down your arms in a soothing motion.
“What’s wrong sweets?” He asked causing you to bury your head in his chest and groaning. Bucky laughed a little and wrapped his strong arms around your back and started rubbing it.
“Mrs.Harkness gave us a ten page essay assignment thats due next week. So not only do i have to come up with a topic for that but i also have the paper to finish for Mr.Starks class, AND i have a test for Ms.Potts the same day the essay is due” Your words were muffled as you spoke but Bucky got the gist of it. He put his finger underneath your chin and tilted your head so you looked up at him.
“First you need to breathe before you go into a panic attack. Second i know you have a lot of work to do but you need to relax.” You were about to say something but then he put his finger against your lips. “No arguing printsessa“ He said in a little bit of a firmer tone and you didn’t have the energy to fight so you just nodded.
“Good girl now go sit on the couch and I’ll run you a bath” Bucky says walking you to the couch and then he kisses your head before he walks off to the bathroom. You sit on the couch trying not to blush and swoon from how sweet he’s being.
You and Bucky had met your junior year of high school and since then the two of you were inseparable. So naturally when you two both got accepted into NYU you asked him if he wanted to get an apartment with you. He accepted the offer telling you he’d love nothing more. And your friendship only grew stronger after that and you even started to fall for him. Your feelings grew for him each day and when he took care of you it just made then stronger.
What you didn’t know was that the reason he did all those things for you was because he was madly in love with you. Bucky loved to take care of you when you were stressed or sick. It made his heart feel all fuzzy when you would let him take care of you, the smile you would give him whenever he did melted his heart. Unfortunately you two were completely oblivious to how the other felt even though all your friends told you.
“Come on printsessa” You heard him call for you from the bathroom. You made your way to the bathroom and smiled at the setup. He lit your favorite candles, added your bath salts and bubbles, got your favorite book, snacks, hot chocolate and then laid your clothes on the counter for you when you were done.
“Thank you Jamie” The words were soft as they passed your lips making him smile. He walked up to you and wrapped you in his arms.
“You’re welcome sweets” His lips found their way to your forehead and your knees almost gave out. He kissed your head again before he started to walk out of the bathroom to give you your privacy.
You dont know what came over you but you grab his hand to stop him from leaving. He looked at you confused as you grabbed his hand and pulled him a little closer to you.
“Stay” You whispered looking up at his blue eyes. His confusion grew more as you spoke.
“What?” He asked and you wrapped your arms around his neck causing his breath to catch in his throat.
“i said stay” You repeated yourself and Bucky’s heart started racing.
“Y-You want me to stay in here while you take a bath?” He questioned making you laugh a little.
“I want you to take it with me” His eyes widened at your words and you swore he almost choked.
“I-I what?” Bucky’s voice was shaky as he spoke. It’s not that he hadn’t thought of it but he never expected you to take such a bold approach.
“You said i needed to relax…and i want to relax with you.” Your voice dropped an octave causing a shiver to run down his spine. Bucky nodded and slowly took off his shirt. You walked over to the sink with your back towards him before you slowly started taking off your clothes. He watched you undress and he swore he almost died right there. Never in a million years did he think he’d ever see you like this, naked and vulnerable. Once he undressed he walked up behind you and wrapped his hands around your bare waist.
His hands needed the soft skin making you groan in delight. He took your hands and lead you to the tub letting you get in first then he sat behind you. You laid back on his chest as his hands were around your waist again. It was in this moment the both of you knew you were no longer friends. His hands were under the water gripping and rubbing your skin with need. You rested your head on his chest and took one of his hands and moved it lower.
Bucky’s breath hitched in his throat when his fingers came into contact with your pussy. “Are you sure? Because if we do this there’s no going back. You’re mine” He said lowly against your ear causing you to shiver.
“I’m sure…I wanna be yours” You whispered looking up at him and he crashed his lips into yours taking his hands out of the water to cup your face. The kiss was everything you wished it would be with him, his lips were soft and he tasted like cherries.
Bucky turned you around and sat you over his lap so he could see your pretty face when he fucked you. His hands dipped back into the water and started to rub your pussy.
“So fucking tight” He praised sticking one of his thick fingers in you making you moan.
“Oh fuck” Your head starts to go fuzzy when Bucky curls his finger and hits your g-spot. He puts another one in making you grip onto his shoulders for dear life.
“So fucking perfect” His voice is gruff as he whispers in your ear before he starts kissing your neck. He takes his time leaving marks on your neck while fingering you with ease.
“I-I’m gonna cum-oh fuck-“ You feel your first orgasm rip through you when he hits that spot just right. Bucky smiles into your neck and continues to fuck your through your high.
“You did so good baby” Bucky praised you again giving you a sweet and gentle kiss. He then lifts you out of the tub not caring about the water all over the floor and brings you to his room. You giggle when he tosses you onto his bed and crawls to you so he’s on top.
“Are you sure you want this? We can still stop and pretend this never happened if thats what you want.” He asks rubbing his thumb over your cheek. Bucky didn’t want to stop but he also didn’t want you to do anything you’d regret and end up hating him.
“I’m sure you have no idea how bad i want this Bucky please fuck me” You beg clawing at his chest bringing him closer to you.
“Okay okay pretty girl” He chuckles moving down to your thighs. He kisses your soft skin with so much gentleness your heart melts. You buck your hips against him basically begging for him to be in you.
His strong hands grip your skin before he takes his cock in his hands giving it a few tugs. Once he’s hard he takes the tip and runs it through your dripping folds. Bucky slowly eases into you giving you a second to adjust to his size.
“S-So b-big daddy” You mewl feeling his cock hit your g-spot. He starts thrusting into you at a slow pace to ease you into it. You weren’t a virgin by any means but fuck Bucky was the biggest you’ve ever had. Your senses were filled to the brim with Bucky as he delightfully stretched you out.
“So fucking tight and warm” He praised picking up his pace. You gripped at his shoulders bringing him closer to you and bringing him in for a kiss. The two of you were fully intoxicated by each other in this salacious moment.
“Right there daddy oh fuck” You mewled throwing your head back and Bucky took advantage of your exposed neck. He sucked dark marks on your neck and smiled at his work.
“Take it baby take it like the good girl you are and let daddy fill you up” He grunted gripping your thighs with more force than before. You almost screamed at his words as they filled you will some need you didn’t know you had.
“P-Please fill me up daddy please breed me.” You begged making Bucky groan in satisfaction. He picked up his pace chasing his high.
“Such a good girl” He praised giving you another sweet kiss as you felt your orgasm building up. It didn’t take long for you both to finish with loud moans and heavy panting. Bucky filled you up with his load and fucked it into you making sure that none of it would drip out. Once he was satisfied that none would he slowly pulled out and laid next to you as you panted.
“I love you” He blurted out making you whip your heads towards him. He didn’t even realize what he said until you smiled at him and cuddled into him.
“I love you too” You said softly and he wrapped his arms around your waist and sigh happily. The two of you shared another sweet kiss before you two fell asleep in each other arms happy as ever.
~The end~
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c-h-e-r-r-i-e-s · 1 month
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Virgin Nanami
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You notice him one day walking into the book shop you work at. He’s browsing through all the high fantasy novels and though he’s got headphones on you can hear the music blasting.
You wonder how he can read or focus with it that loud. Chuckling to yourself you walk over and tap his shoulder asking if you can help him find anything.
That’s how you end up getting his number and bonding over music.
The first time you hang out he’s sitting on your bed in your college dorm.
“I bet you were super popular in high school”
“No I was a dork for sure”
“A fit guy like you? Stop being modest”
“No really, I was never as strong or smart or cool as my class mates. I went to a tiny school too”
“Well you’re cool to me” you say shyly, a faint dusting of pink on your cheeks.
“Thanks” he looks away with a smile tugging at his lips.
“Yeah”
And before he leaves after the hang out you lean over and kiss his lips. It’s not his first kiss but maybe the first one he feels deeply about. Your hand rests on his chest and his finds yours on the bed as you both lean in.
And the next time he sees you he’s so self conscious of his every move. Until you seemingly inch closer, until you’re nuzzled into his side.
Warmth taking over both of you. And .. has he bulked up? Maybe it’s just your brain but you can’t help it. He’s so polite and bulking up would be an insane choice for someone so sweet and interesting as him.
And you can’t help when your lips find each others again. Softly and slowly turning into a deep kiss that melts into you both pawing st each other and panting.
Until you stop and whisper into the crook of his neck that you’re a virgin. But he says “that’s okay.. so am I”
And you’re blushing but not ready to go further “maybe another time we can do this again? But I’m just not ready for that”
“That’s fine” he replies simply. As if waiting is all he would do if you asked. Forever.
One day when you’re just simply listening to music and sitting next to Nanami in your bed, head resting on his shoulder. His hand slides between your thighs and it’s over for you. You’d been contemplating why you were waiting since you were so head over heels for him.
So you open your thighs and his attention perks up. Humming, he turns to you and kisses your neck, nuzzling into you. His hand sliding up your neck and pulling you into a desperate kiss.
Your first time together is sloppy and quick. But it’s special and with the man you love.
Plus you guys have so much time to learn together.
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