#Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

OH if you don't like seeing me talk about wrestling or seeing any wrestling posts just blacklist 'Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling' so you don't have to see the silly little sport on your dashboard.

#shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[bunjywunjy]

DON’T FEAR THE REAPER

it’s officially the end of the week and boy howdy it’s time for a new Weird Biology article. this week’s subject is a sharp Indiana Jones tribute with a permanently adorable expression of existential dread. 

I just want to pat it on the dorsal fin and tell it everything is gonna be okay, it’s the-

DID I LEAVE THE OVEN ON

the Bigeye Thresher Shark is a mediumish shark that can grow up to 13 feet long, fully half of which is taken up by its ridiculous sickle-shaped tail. that’s like, almost 7 feet of tail alone. jesus. it’s like if when God was handing out tails to animalkind, the Thresher Shark kept sneaking back into line and no one noticed.

these sharks usually weigh in at about 350 pounds, putting them firmly in the “do not wrestle this animal for any reason” category. (most modern sharks are in this category! except for the Wobbegong. go ahead, fight a Wobbegong. it probably deserves it.)

but the Bigeye Thresher Shark does not. please be kind, he is frightened!

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are sleek, vaguely torpedo shaped, and bright metallic purple. it’s like a pool toy came to life and decided to try an existence that didn’t involve being gnawed on by toddlers.

but seriously, Bigeye Thresher Sharks are held as some of the most beautiful of all sharks! (though all sharks are beautiful on the inside.) while they’re alive, anyway. the second a Bigeye Thresher Shark expires, its bright colors fade to a dull lifeless grey. like Optimus Prime in that one movie that ruined your childhood. you know the one I’m talking about.

scientists still aren’t sure why this graying-out occurs, but theories include that it’s because these sharks are a bunch of fucking divas.

or they just don’t want people to use them for a 101 Bigeye Threshers sharkskin coat, which is understandable.

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are found in tropical and temperate waters around the world, even the Mediterranean Sea! they avoid shallow coastal waters and their throngs of tourists, sticking to the open ocean. this is important because Bigeye Threshers do a lot of deep diving, even for a shark. (or maybe they just really hate tourists.)

the Bigeye Thresher Sharks spend their nights close to the surface, swimming around dreaming little shark dreams. but when the sun rises, they dive over 1,500 feet down into the water column to hunt. I guess even sharks have a morning commute.

no coffee for sharks, though.

aside from the massive farm-equipment tail, Bigeye Thresher Sharks are noted for the gigantic anime eyeballs which gave them their name. and it’s no joke- these honkin big look-spheres can be nearly four inches across! THAT’S RIDICULOUS. 

the Bigeye Thresher Shark uses these big ol’ peepers to spot prey in the dark depths of the ocean. the squid think they can hide, but they cannot. the Bigeye Thresher Shark is an accurate and devastating hunter who can chase down fish, squid, smaller sharks, and fucking seabirds with speed and precision. 

it’s a trade off for the whole Battle Angel Alita look.

but I’ve saved the best for last! it’s time to finally disclose what that ridiculous tail is for, and why it deserves a Grim Reaper reference. well, it’s very simple- that super-long tail is basically a biological bullwhip. 

and maybe that doesn’t sound so threatening! but in this case, the Bigeye Thresher Shark cracks its tail like a whip towards a school of fish hard enough to cause a fucking underwater shockwave, which basically liquifies any small animals unlucky enough to be in the way. it completely fucking obliterates those poor fish, who never asked for this and probably have families.

it takes “shooting fish in a barrel” to a whole new level, that’s for damn sure.

after commiting mass fish homicide with its overpowered nuke of a tail, the Bigeye Thresher Shark is free to scoot around and vacuum up the dead and dying fish. success! this strategy is so effective that there are even stories of Bigeye Thresher Sharks using it against birds. no word on whether this is true or not, but I mean, it sounds like it COULD be. (and they do actually eat birds! so.)

it’s easy to see why the shark puts up with having a stupidly long and unwieldly tail; the AoE attack makes it MORE than worth it. 

it’s their up B special.

it’s because of this attack style that Bigeye Thresher Sharks are so widespread. but unfortunately, these incredible sharks actually do have a reason for making that terrified face: they’re under threat from human activity and listed as Vulnerable.

Bigeye Thresher Sharks are often caught accidentally or even on purpose by longlines, even though they pose no threat to humans. (except looking really weird, anyway.) these thresh princes of the sea need legal protections, and they need it soon. what other sea animal are we going to make Indiana Jones jokes about? sea cucumbers? come on.

THROW ME THE IDOL, I’LL MURDER A BUNCH OF FISH WITH THE WHIP.

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thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee or check out my Patreon to see extra content and support Weird Biology.

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IMAGE SOURCES

img1- FisheriesAquaculture, Twitter img2- Gray FishTag Research img3- Pelagic Shark Research Foundation img4- BBC img5- Defenders Of Wildlife Blog img6- Adventure Sports Network img7- Majadi Wall img8- yandex.ru

#shark #animal death #thresher shark #ocean #biology with bunjy

[malewifehenrycooldown]

man it would be nice to get back into wrestling again.

#shallow rambles #also... VERY EXCITED about supereyepatchwolf's new wrestling essay!!! <- he briefly mentions it in stone ocean video he made #but you know... wwe totally loves that free promotion from a recognised creator!!!/jks #been... thinking a bit about cm punk. i miss his work. i miss his shenanigans. i am a cm punk girlie who is also not #quite sure what to believe anymore because kayfabe is dead!!! #i am skeptical of him coming back but it would be kinda funny if he uses this opportunity to come back as a heel. or as cult leader #cm punk. that would be fun!!! <- this time do it properly #theres' also other stuff obviously. like mjf championship and the jon adam page fued.... women's wrestling.. SO MUCH #SO MUCH I'VE MISSED OUT ON!!! #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Just saw mercedes moné’s ring gear she wore at her recent NJPW event and I just want to say I wish I could wear something cool like that.

#wrestling ​ring gear is an art form and a fashion statement you cannot convince me otherwise #shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling #man. I miss wrestling. I wish I could get back into it someday

[malewifehenrycooldown]

anytime i look through the drafts of my wrestling blog I can't help but think that despite how kind of a bummer wrestling was this year (with sasha banks + naomi leaving & the aew backstage brawl), i want to get back into it again because there is SO MUCH i've missed out on.

#mjf came back and is now aew champion. such a scary thing to say. #and dakota kai + bayley coming back to wwe which is nice. the whole roman reigns v brock lesnar thing #danhausen.... hook... the acclaimed... #the house of black... blackpool combat club... gosh theres so much i've missed out on and that's just the aew and wwe stuff #idk whats happening at ring of honor or impact but i would like to see it. #or at least understand whats happening shfshfh. this is not even mentioning whats happening in japan with kairi sane back #and how apparently supereyepatchwolf has a wrestling heel persona now??? good for him. #also yes!! i am aware that stephanie sterling owns a wrestling company and does wrestling themselves!! #this is not even talking about the wrestling vlogs... AGH so much wrestling content i missed out on this year #shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

I feel a little guilty delving into wrestling and not thinking about my blorbos, but also at the same time I think I kind of needed to get back into wrestling again especially since the latter half of last year kinda... made it hard to be a wrestling fan with nuanced opinions.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to reignite my passion for wrestling, and it is slowly coming back!

#shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

bloody mjf is aew champion now.

fuck.

#i mean congrats (to the guy playing his character) #but also fuck that guy (the character the guy is playing i mean. he's an asshole. the absolute worst) #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling #shallow rambles #if you don't understand why i'm saying something so vitrolic. mjf is a heel. the bad guy. you are supposed to hate him #if he gets booed then he's doing his job right

[malewifehenrycooldown]

I made the mistake of putting Cult of Personality by Living Colour on a playlist I made dedicated to Travis Touchdown. I now can’t stop thinking about a NMH wrestling AU, where his in-ring character and talent is a strange hybrid of CM Punk + Kenny Omega.

#don’t ask me to assign other NMH characters a specific IRL wrestling character/persona #look it’s been a while since I’ve watched wrestling. so I haven’t really been caught up to date as to what’s happening tbh #I miss my wife tails (translation: I miss wrestling so much. I would like to watch some wrestling one day] #fingers crossed one day kenny wears Travis touchdown inspired wrestling gear <- I genuinely want that to happen!! #nomoreposting #shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

My followers: oh god she’s thinking about cm punk and watching his matches again, won’t she won’t she ever stop?!

Me: they don’t know I’m watching the matches of the one and only heartbreak kid ❤️

#shallow rambles #shawn michaels my beloved performer /platonically #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Unfortunately for everyone and my f/os, I am still thinking about cm punk

#sorry but it’s just that moment of time where my brains just wants to think about wrestling and only wrestling #shallow rambles #i know I’m treating my wrestling faves as my blorbos but like that’s kind of what they are. but I also like. respect them as human beings #idk man it’s just a way for me talk about why I like wrestling because it isn’t wrestling if the players aren’t involved #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling #no I won’t shut up about wrestling. #I sincerely hope one of my followers undertakes their own wrestling arc one day. #/ that’s not a threat it’s just it would be really funny if one of my followers got into wrestling because of me shshsh #my f/os: please keep talking about wrestling because it’s obvious it gives you joy and we want to hear why it does that #[cm punk tag]: the best in the world

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Never not think about how much Shawn Michaels back in his younger years looked and behaved like a jojo character irl

Like. Literally just look at this man back in the day. he’s everything Araki would want in a character: attitude and flamboyant elegancy

#he had his own ring gear designer for a LONG TIME #idk if there’s an interview of araki talking about wrestling but I won’t be surprised if #one of his characters took inspiration from wrestlers from the 80s and 90s #shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling #jojoposting #(kind of) #I’ll let you in on a secret but I would commission someone to draw Taylor ripley in Shawn Michaels ring gear :3 #IDK I JUST THINK THAT WOULD BE REALLY FUN #you can make a whole jojo wrestling Au out of that lol

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Mercedes Moné at wrestle kingdom is certainly an interesting way to kick start wrestling in the new year.

#shallow rambles #GOOD FOR HER!!! #wrestle kingdom is new Japan pro wrestlings wrestlemania #and she’s probably going to work at stardom which dedicated to women’s/joshi wrestling #<- explaining for people who don’t know why stardom and njpw are a big deal #I’m being flooded with gifs on my dash and WOW I wish I watched more new japan pro wrestling #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

roh cm punk and current present day cm punk have two VERY different vibes that it’s honestly hard to believe they are the same person.

#one is a bastard gremlin and the other is quite literally old man logan DSHhffshfhsd #shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling #blonde haired cm punk is... certainly a look. #like. part gender envy. part crush. idk man maybe its that yearning to want to do something cool in my twenties idk. #like literally you have people like dante martin and julia hart who are BARELY 20 doing some COOL SHIT and its like. #what am i doing with my life. #no i won't shut up about wrestling and men who are twice my age #correction: said men who are twice my age are breaking their bodies for the sake of entertainment. and art. #inform to tag

[malewifehenrycooldown]

First hell in a cell match my beloved <3

#it’s one of my favourite matches!!! #the entire match is just the undertaker going: ‘I want that twink obliterated’ and then proceeds to #beat the shit out of Shawn Michaels LOL #Shawn Michaels and the horrible no good very bad terrible time #shallow rambles #gosh I love wrestling #Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Me seeing images of liv morgan with the smackdown women’s championship belt as she won money in the bank this year:

#liv morgan is really carrying wwe’s very small womens division on her back #let’s hope wwe doesn’t drop the ball on it #shallow rambles #Shallow Dives into Weird World of Wrestling #scheduled post: waiting in line

[malewifehenrycooldown]

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Shallow Dives into the Weird World of Wrestling = tag dedicated to all things wrestling related.

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#ridley.hub #scheduled post: waiting in line