Tumgik
#Seriously the last months have been the shittiest and yet the best of my life
lqfiles · 1 month
Note
heyy uhm thjs is my first time sending these kind of things and i js wanted to say that i really really reallyyyyy love stg, i've been reading it since chapter 10ish? but started following at about 20ish (srry abt that) and ik it doesn't mean much coming from an anonymous person but it makes me very happy (and PROUD) to see how many people are reading it now and how many asks you get :) overall im js immensely proud of you and your work
again ik it does not mean much coming from an anon but still you have no idea how great my days get when i get notis from your acc replying to questions or anons (cause i've figured it usually mean that you'll upload another chapter) ANYWAYS i've been struggling a LOT these few months, and one of the only things I seriously look up to is stg, so again, thank you SO so much :(
you don't even have to reply to this or anything (bc tbh i wouldn't know what to say either lol) but i would appreciate it if you could at least read it and know just how much power your ideas and writing actually have <3
also not sure if 50 was the last chapter (?) i was planning on writing smth like this when the smau ended BUT ITS WHATEVER RLLY !! anyways i will never be able to thank u enough for taking your time in this and genuinely putting effort and feelings on it, you are amazing !!
also im from Chile so idk if i made any mistakes while typing this… whatever i'll make sure to support you through each and every work of yours from now on ! take care <333
(god this was a little long IM SORRY again you don't have to reply to this i js hope u read it and know just how capable and dedicated you are and how happy you can make other people iwnsnsks <3)
anon you actually made me tear up wthh :(( LONG ANSWER INCOMING……
i think this is the best thing i could’ve been told and hear, and the fact that it’s anonymous doesn’t change how much your words mean to me trust me. i honestly wasn’t sure how commited i’d be to this smau since i never have managed to finish a slow burn ideas because of the lack of creativity. but i think the fact that you still kept up from such an early chapter (when i remember pointing out that i’m really just writing this without a full plot yet multiple times) is endearing and don’t worry, i don’t take it to heart that you didn’t follow me immediately loll, for all you knew this could’ve been the shittiest piece of writing and then you’d have to just unfollow lmaooo. also i think it’s cute that those who have kept up from early on until now have witnessed with me the growth of this series and the support on it 😭 i remember when 70 notes in day alone excited me and would get giddy by getting a SINGLE ask hsjdjdjd and now i’ve had chapters with 400 notes and get 10+ asks ??? i didn’t even really dwell on it that you guys who have been ogs too have seen the growth too :(( i think it’s quite funny, because last year, i rarely got any asks and barely checked on this account except for posting some drabbles here and there, and didn’t even speak to any mutuals, i remember i told myself i’d keep this a writing blog only without interacting much at all but ever since stg i’m surprised by the amount of mutuals i’ve made and how many people are really perceiving my account AND how interactive i’ve been even tho i’d usually log out immediately after posting something lmaoo! it’s cute and i appreciate you for sticking around and being proud of me !!! it honestly catches me off guard when some of you say that stg is the highlight of your day or how much you love it or how it has inspired you to start writing yourself, because i can’t comprehend myself being influential like that at ALL 😭😭 but at the same time it warms my heart every time because it makes me feel useful…? i like seeing people happy and feel inspired by something i did so seeing people be so happy of a mere chapter really does make me smile :) i’m sorry to hear that life is hard on you, but again it means a lot to me knowing stg DOES affect your day positively (can’t believe we’ll be reaching the end tho..)
this wasn’t the last chapter, i got two more and then some bonus chapters so i hope you’ll enjoy them and my future work as well anon <33 i’ll continue to pour my effort and feelings into my writing love you and thank you for making time to write this !!!
5 notes · View notes
Text
Hahahahaha, good to see that both "Supernatural" and "The Walking Dead" were ruined by their creators and broke the hearts of their fans all over the world, how nice!!!!
5 notes · View notes
makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun
Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.
Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier​, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.
(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)
so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji
maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about
oh at least Endeavor is here
Tumblr media
A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL
lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT
okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl
SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL
anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy
so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE
Tumblr media
LOL look at his face
Tumblr media
I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope
good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit
lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up
Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall
Tumblr media
oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now
Tumblr media
today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess
I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol
oh shit?
Tumblr media
so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily
anyway so yeah
Tumblr media
the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess
so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation
oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku
Tumblr media
please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son
also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus
(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)
Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,
Tumblr media
a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it
lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value
well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess
Tumblr media Tumblr media
we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol
OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS
Tumblr media Tumblr media
“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol
lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys
Tumblr media
JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES
yes!!
Tumblr media
WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”
LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11
anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm
anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??
AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy
anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life
AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”
OMG
Tumblr media
lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin
OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT
Tumblr media
DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT
WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG
Tumblr media
THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL
OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE
Tumblr media
“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Tumblr media
SHE!!!!
omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL
DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE
-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN -- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!
YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY
lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then
298 notes · View notes
kulaykape · 3 years
Text
Ina Kingsley x MC: Quality Time
Second to last part of this mini-series. The only part of this I'm honestly happy with is the end of it 😂 but that'll have to do.
Hope you enjoy! 💙💙
tags: 
@nydeiri, @thepotatobleh
•••
"Just walk with me. Please. If only for a little bit."
"Have fun, kiddo," Aliyah said, leaning down to ruffle Leon's hair, "Be polite to the dads, and clean up after yourself after you guys eat, okay?"
Leon turned to look back and up at Aliyah, through eyes identical to hers. He gave pause as he scrutinized Aliyah intensely, even while his friends ran past him and into the house where they were having a Christmas party. "Are you okay, Ali?" He asked. His voice was small, but sharp.
Aliyah sometimes found it unnerving how smart this kid was. He was too young to be reading people like they were books.
She let out a sigh as she kneeled down, giving him her most convincing 'I'm fine' smile. "I'm great. Really," she insisted when Leon glared distrustfully, "Look, it's not your job to worry, kid. Now go have fun." She gave him a wink and pushed him by his forehead towards the party.
And Leon being a five year-old in spite of it all, didn't need much more convincing than that. With a final wave to his big sister, the little boy ran up the steps and into the house to greet his friends. Aliyah started back down the sidewalk, puffing a cloud into the cold air.
She slipped her phone out to check her texts, skimming through the last three people that had texted her.
Phillie: 'You wanna come get drinks with us, Diaz?'
'Not today, thanks. I'll see you guys at rehearsal.'
Jay: 'Phil said you're not coming with us to the bar. Is everything okay? I'm paying.'
'I'm good, really. Just not feeling it. Make sure Monica drives.'
Aliyah winced while she came to the last message. Was she really showing her 'symptoms' that much?
Monica: 'It's Ina, isn't it?'
Aliyah had stood for a good five minutes, more frozen than the New York air, as she had tried to formulate a reply on the subway.
'Yeah,' she'd ended up with.
Monica: 'Ugh, knew it. This isn't good for you, you know.'
'Woooow. Quit music and be a detective.'
Monica: 'C’mon sis, don’t be like that. I've always got your best interest at heart. But Ina? I'm not so sure.'
Scathing and cold. Monica was good at that when nobody else had the heart to be. Aliyah put her phone back in her coat pocket with a sigh, ignoring the pang in her stomach.
Her friends were never going to tell her it was hopeless, 'cause Aliyah didn't do hopeless. But at this point? She just might start…
When Aliyah got back to her apartment, the first thing she did was throw her jacket on the floor. The second thing she did was flop onto the couch, face-first. No standing back and sighing proudly. No thinking 'damn, how many college students have their own apartment?' per the usual.
"This sucks," she grumbled to herself instead. And it did indeed.
Her brain had been racking itself for something, anything else to think of. But Ina's name just pulsed in her head, and forced its way to the forefront. Think of me! It went.
Her brain didn't want to ignore Ina. Even in the shittiest of times with that damn woman, it refused to still.
Aliyah felt for the necklace that she knew damn well she was still wearing. The metal was cold on her neck. Biting especially in this weather. But Aliyah refused to take it off, and refused to talk about where she'd gotten it from with her friends.
No one could really blame them for asking. The necklace before had been Aliyah's dad's. A memoir not so easily replaced, maybe not ever even meant to be.
Aliyah rolled over to look at the ceiling. "Damn, dad," she muttered, "I'm whipped, man. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Aliyah rubbed her hands over her eyes. "You told me not to fall in love with someone who didn't care about me. Shit, but what do you want me to do now, fall out?" Aliyah scoffed as she grabbed the pillow behind her head and slapped herself in the face with it.
Aliyah's father has been the victim of a very impromptu death when she was fifteen. In life, Aliyah liked to think he was exactly like her. Or rather, she was exactly like him. Smart, thoughtful, and damn good with a pen and paper.
But she wished she wasn't like him like this. Her dad had been a fool for her mom- or rather, as Aliyah liked to call her, her womb donor- until the very end. And that woman had played him like an instrument for just as long.
The worst part was, Aliyah was sure her dad knew her mom was no good. But that love in his eyes hadn't faded even up until the morning he walked out the door and then died on Sixth Street. Was Aliyah really gonna be just like her old man?
A sudden knock on her door interrupted Aliyah's thoughts. She made an irritated sound as she rolled off the couch and stumbled for the door. It was probably Monica, trying to coerce Aliyah into drinking away her feelings for-
…Ina.
Aliyah froze, her hand squeezing the handle of the opened door. A thousand different little voices in her head were screeching in panic at the same time.
Ina stood- albeit a bit nervously- in Aliyah's doorway, brown hair falling over her face and her nose sprinkled with snow. Aliyah's first instinct was to brush her hair away and kiss the snowflakes off, but that clearly wasn't going to happen.
Worry flashed over Ina's eyes as she observed Aliyah. She looked sleepless, disheveled. And Ina was more than aware that it could only be her fault.
"What are you doing here?" Aliyah asked, tone more biting than Ina had ever heard it.
Ina hesitated for a moment, as if she couldn't remember the answer. "I… I wanted to talk to you," she said. Aliyah shifted in disbelief and Ina thought she was going to close the door, so she lurched forward. "Wait! Please, Aliyah," she added, her tone on the edge of begging. Aliyah hated it. Ina didn't beg (well, not like this at least).
"There's nothing to talk about," Aliyah muttered, lying through her damn teeth.
"There's so much to talk about," Ina replied. Aliyah saw her hand move towards hers, and then back down. "You deserve an explanation. The way I've been treating you these past several months, it’s inexcusable," she continued.
"Look Ina, I don't know what you want," Aliyah said, her voice raising, "And maybe you don't either. But I don't think it's the same thing as what I want." And while it hurt her to her very core, Aliyah just wasn't brave enough for this conversation. She began to close the door…
"I care about you, Aliyah," Ina said quietly. Aliyah froze as a ripple of warmth and cold went up her arm and down her spine. She slowly opened the door again, daring to meet Ina's dark brown gaze.
God, she had beautiful eyes. Why was the lord so intent on making this hard for Aliyah?
"I really, truly, do," Ina continued, "And you've made it more than clear that you care about me. Probably more than I deserve." She afforded Aliyah a small smile. "I've spent every spare moment thinking about you. I can't get you out of my head, or the way I hurt you."
Aliyah's instincts were telling her to scurry away from this confrontation. Damn right she hurt you! They said, Now get away before she does it again! But for some reason, she held steadfast.
"Ina, what do you want from me right now?" She asked weakly. There was a side of Aliyah that was witty, sarcastic, and bright. That had all been quickly and soundly stripped away.
Ina took in a deep breath as she stepped ever closer. Aliyah caught a whiff of her perfume, and a wave of safety and familiarity in spite of it all rolled over her.
"Just walk with me. Please. If only for a little bit."
Aliyah bit her lip. Ina stared up at her with wide, sad, and guilty eyes. And how the hell was she supposed to say no to that?
"…Let me grab my coat."
---
At first, Aliyah was worried people from school might spot the two of them walking together down the New York streets. But Ina, a born and bred New Yorker, knew all the sidewalks that were without congestion. They were walking through the more lowkey part of the city now, somewhere the ostentatious and frivolous ranks of Belvoire would never go.
"So…" Ina cleared her throat, "May I ask you something?"
Aliyah shot her a look, and then she just couldn't help herself. "I don't know, may you?" She replied. Her face was void of amusement, but her tone just lacked the edge of seriousness.
A grin spread onto Ina's face. Aliyah's sarcasm was often biting, but it was more than welcomed now. She chuckled softly as they maneuvered around the thin streams of people they passed. "I was just thinking," she began, "I often feel like I know so much, yet at the same time so little about you."
"You don't know a thing," Aliyah replied simply. Ina deflated a bit, her lip pouting out. "But…well, we're doing this, aren't we? You might as well ask what you want to know," she added.
Ina paused to ponder. Lilian had said, if she wanted to be effective in her apology, she had to understand Aliyah. Ina was ashamed to then think about how little she actually knew. And so she resolved to simply start at the beginning.
"When we met at the speakeasy, I could tell you weren't from around here," Ina said, "Perhaps not Bea Hughes level of newness, but not born and raised."
Aliyah shook her head. "No, I'm not from this dump."
Ina smiled amusedly. "Hey, this dump is still my dump, Aliyah." A shadow of that bright and full laugh left Aliyah, but nothing more.
"I grew up further south. A little place called Statesville," she explained, "Honestly, I was a little excited when I heard Hughes was coming from the cornfields. Too bad she turned out to be an ass."
Ina hummed thoughtfully. "Yes. She assimilated to Belvoire's nastier nature very quickly," her hand brushed purposely against Aliyah's, and they met each other's gazes. "You, however, haven't allowed yourself to be so easily changed."
"Of course not," Aliyah said in her biggest 'duh' tone, even while she felt a warmth pooling in her chest.
As the two of them continued their walk, feeling just a little bit of a warm respite even with the cold, Aliyah recognized one of the buildings they strode by. It was the coffee shop she'd always stop by to get Ina something when she was feeling particularly generous.
Ina, as always, was quick to notice a smile on Aliyah's face. "What is it?" She asked.
"Nothing," Aliyah shook her head, then jutted her thumb behind them, "That's where I stop by to get you coffee when I'm feeling nice." Ina followed the line of Aliyah's thumb and smiled.
"You come out this far to get me coffee on those days?" Ina asked. Aliyah was too abashed to nod, instead pursing her lips neutrally. Ina chuckled. "I apologize for any time I reprimanded you for being late," she said.
Aliyah's eyes flicked in an adorably petulant fashion to Ina, and then her lip quirked up. "...Apology accepted."
While Ina had a mini celebration in her head, they turned a corner to an apparently more festive part of the city. Music filtered through hidden speakers, decorations were hung from light posts and shop awnings. Aliyah spotted a mistletoe, and made sure to side-step around it.
Don't you know I…
Sit around,
With my head hanging down…
And I wonder…
Who's lovin' you?
Above all- and Ina knew this better than anything about Aliyah- Aliyah was a musical soul. She looked at Aliyah again as a content smile spread onto her lips and she hummed the lyrics, obscuring a beautiful voice.
This was going much better than Ina had anticipated. She'd been bracing herself for the possibility of Aliyah giving her the Bea Hughes black-eye treatment- which she thought she might kind of deserve- but was relieved to see that wasn't going to be the case.
The weariness had slowly slipped from Aliyah's face, the weight gradually coming off her shoulders. Ina had come to apologize and make up, yes, but seeing Aliyah happy again? That might be even better.
Who's… lovin' you?
"This used to be my song," Aliyah said out of the blue. Ina gazed curiously at her as she seemed to struggle with her next words. "Well… it used to be me and my girlfriend's song," she added.
A pang of unreasonable and yet painful jealousy shot through Ina. She gulped and nodded. "An ex-girlfriend?" She asked.
Aliyah laughed. "Yeah, it was a couple years ago. Back in high school," she shot Ina a grin, "I don't know why we chose this song, the lyrics really make it seem like it was never going to last."
Ina didn't want to say 'thank god it didn't', but… well, thank god it didn't.
And it really wasn't her business, but Ina just couldn't help but notice the flicker of fondness in Aliyah's eyes she knew wasn't reserved for herself. "What was she like?" She then asked.
A pensive look passed over Aliyah's face. "Well, she was a lot like me. Maybe too much. And it was a great thing to have then, but probably another reason we flopped as a couple," she laughed, a bit sadly, "And she loved music. We were both in the singing club at our school, and she'd help me figure out how I wanted the songs I was writing to sound. She's the one that taught me how to play guitar, actually."
"It sounds like she was perfect for you," Ina found herself saying mindlessly. Aliyah turned to look at her, and once again found herself giving pause to just appreciate Ina's beauty.
And in spite of everything, she knew damn well the soul beneath there was twice as gorgeous.
"No," she said simply. "Ina, you have to understand that the me you know now isn't same person I was in high school."
Ina couldn't help a laugh. "I would hope not," she replied. Aliyah grinned, teeth shining.
"The thing is, I grew up. I started to care about my future, started to expand my world beyond just music. And I had to take care of my little brother," Aliyah winced a little bit, "Jessie… didn't understand any of that."
"Didn't grow up?"
Aliyah shook her head. "Jessie grew up in Belvoire-level privilege. She couldn't comprehend that some people have responsibilities outside of a relationship… she also couldn't comprehend the concept of loyalty either, I guess," she said.
Ina's jaw clenched. "She cheated on you?" Aliyah nodded. And Ina racked her brain as to explain why the hell anyone would cheat on the woman before her.
"She told me 'it was fun while it lasted' before she skipped off with some Broadway-hopeful girl. I think she's in some prestigious music school in California right now," Aliyah said. Used, she thought, And you're gonna do it all over again, aren't you, Ali?
"I'm so sorry, Ali," Ina said, genuine sympathy written all over her face. She felt a sting in her stomach when she saw the glazed-over look in Aliyah's eyes. It was the same look she'd had on her face when she left her office.
Aliyah scoffed. "Don't apologize. You had nothing to do with that," she replied. Ina felt the pang as she picked up on the invisible words.
The two of them were quiet for a long moment, too caught up in their own thoughts to worry about any tension between them. Ina's hand brushed Aliyah's as they swung while they walked, and Aliyah turned to look at her.
"Did you love her?" Ina asked all of a sudden.
Aliyah paused for a moment. To her surprise, the question didn't scare her, even when coming from Ina, no less. She gave a small nod. "She was my first. My first everything," she replied, "I don't completely know why, but it still hurts. Not 'cause I miss her, I hate her ass now." Ina let out a strangled snort while Aliyah smirked. "But… maybe it's because I miss feeling that way."
The two of them turned to look at each other at the same time, and then quickly looked away.
"When we were just starting out, we had everything that the other wanted," Aliyah continued, "But I started changing. I didn't want everything so fast, and powerful, and just so energized." She shot Ina a sheepish smile. "Call me a squishy romantic, but I wanted something softer. Something that was more '2010 Bruno Mars' than '2020 Bruno Mars', you know?"
Ina laughed softly. "There's nothing wrong with that at all," she said, "As we grow older, we start to grow out of our more… savage desires."
"Well... not completely, though…" Aliyah murmured. She nudged Ina's shoulder, drawing a hearty laugh from the Professor as she pushed a curl of hair behind her ear.
"Of course not," Ina replied, "But you've had to practically raise your little brother. You've had to live on your own. You've seen so many different sides of the world, and you know what's out there for you now."
And Ina couldn't lie, she loved that about Aliyah. She hid her worldliness under sarcasm and curiosity, but it was there. In some ways, Ina wouldn't be surprised if Aliyah was much smarter than her.
"The reason so many of your peers only fool around and party is because they think that's all there is," Ina continued, and then shot Aliyah a smile. "But you know better. And that means you'll get to spend more of your life with meaning than they will."
Aliyah hummed. "That'll only be true if the right person comes around."
"It's doesn't have to be just about a person, Aliyah," Ina replied.
Aliyah gave Ina a wordless look. Ina didn't know if it was anger, or sadness, or pain that was shaded behind her gaze.
"It is for me."
---
(There's a limit on text blocks, apparently 💀. Pt. 2 can be read on my page, since idk how to fookin link)
32 notes · View notes
flowerpowell · 5 years
Text
You Drive Me Crazy (Colt x MC)
PART EIGHT (FINALE) + EPILOGUE
Tumblr media
A/N: Hello everyone! It’s been a long time since I updated this series but here it finally is, the very last chapter! (there may or may not be an idea for a next au series in my head) I hope you all liked the series and will like the finale. As always I don’t own the characters but I would love to hear your feedback!
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2305 (Beware, dialogue heavy!)
Tagging: @agent-bossypants @brightpinkpeppercorn @walkerduchess @confessionsofabrokegirl @lovehugsandcandy @desiree-0816 @choicesarehard @going-down-downtown @long-gone-girl @client-327 @i-only-signed-up-for-fanfiction @umiumichan @zaira-oh-zaira @claudevonstruke @akrenich @emichelle @lunablr-choices @emomoustache @liamzigmichael4ever ♥
Colt knocked. And knocked. And kicked the door and yelled and knocked again. Nothing was working because Mona apparently left them all alone in the garage. If they died no one would know. Great.
“I guess she really trapped us here. I’m sorry, Ellie,” Colt shifted uncomfortably and risked a look at his old friend, sitting on his father’s couch. Despite the circumstances she looked amused. And she was searching the mini fridge for something to drink.
“It’s fine. Oh! Look! You like these!” she held a bottle with his favorite soft drink but he only shook his head.
“It’s not funny!”
“Well, I’m having fun,” she chuckled, “ seriously, Colt. We haven’t been able to talk for so long and I’m really tired of this miscommunication between us. I miss us.”
“Ellie...”
“I called you pretty much every single day but you never answered.”
“I lost my phone in this mess a few months ago and I never bought another one. I didn’t expect anyone to call me.”
“Well, I did,” she whispered, smiling sadly at him.
A few minutes passed before Colt spoke, his voice calm and composed despite his heart nearly having an attack.
“How are you? How’s college?”
“I’m good. But I hated you so much when I was in hospital. So much.”
“I know I screwed up, I never should’ve come between you and Logan and--”
“I hated you for putting yourself in danger again. You promised to never race again.”
“Ellie, I...”
“Did it for me, I know,” she admitted and his eyes widened.
“You... do? Mona told you, didn’t she?”
“No one told me. But one day we have no money and right after you win a race we do? I’m not stupid, Colt.”
“I never thought you were,” he answered quietly.
“I wanted to talk to you. Before I was run over, I wanted to talk to you about something,” she looked at him and he remembered the conversation he had with Mona that day. She told Ellie everything. He blushed at the thought and shifted his gaze to his father’s desk.
“Was it true?” he heard Ellie’s question but he didn’t know what to say. What she wanted him to say.
“Mona,” her voice broke slightly, “Mona told me you were’t mocking me or joking. She told me you really felt something for me. Was it true?”
He wasn’t sure if he wasn’t imagining this, but her voice sounded almost... hopeful.
“Yeah,” he answered slowly, not bothering to look at her. He just couldn’t.
“When I woke up in hospital I needed to talk to you. But my father didn’t let me. He told me I wasn’t allowed to go near a man who almost got me killed.”
“I almost got you killed?” Suddenly Colt turned to face her. “I almost got you killed? Me?! I would kill for you, I would move the whole world for you, how could he say that I almost got you killed?!”
Colt took a deep breath and walked away from her to calm himself. One, two, three.
“I tried to reach you but I couldn’t. Mona told me you were in jail. That you risked your freedom for me.”
“I wouldn’t be that dramatic about it,” he snorted.
“Why didn’t you tell me? About your feelings? You know, talk to me instead of yelling.”
“I tried but... I don’t know, it’s not the easiest thing for me. And you were with Logan and all. And I was only your friend and I didn’t want to risk our friendship,” he sighed, “but I guess I did anyway.”
Ellie was silent for a few minutes and all Colt could hear was the ticking of the clock his father found on the flea market.
“You know...” Ellie finally spoke, “I didn’t...”
“You didn’t what?” Colt asked, still not looking at her.
“I didn’t sleep with Logan,” she whispered.
“What?” he turned to her, his eyes widened but he tried to ignore her red cheeks.
“I didn’t sleep with Logan. I wanted to because I was mad at you. But then I realized I wasn’t ready. Because all I could think of was you.”
“Whaaa--” Colt felt like the room was spinning. Or maybe he was spinning. Or maybe his head was detached and started spinning. Or--
“Logan is amazing. He’s a perfect guy for me. But... he’s not you.”
Breathe, Colt, breathe. Or you’ll die and you’ll never know if what she’s saying is true. Holy shit, is it true? Am I hallucinating?
“You on the other hand... You’re like everything I don’t want in a guy and yet you’re the only guy I want,” she admitted, blushing.
Okay, I don’t need to breathe anymore cause I’m definitely dead already.
“When I realized that I was scared, I didn’t know if you would return my feelings. I know what you’re like with women,” she said, sadness in her voice, “When you started acting weird and yelling these things I thought you were mocking me. That you somehow found out and decided to mock me.”
Breathe!!!!! One, two, holyshitshelikesmeohmygosh, three...
“It’s silly but... I was reading an article the other day, about fifty wordless ways to say ‘I love you’ and I realized you did most of them... I wanted to believe but I knew it was impossible... Given your history.”
He still didn’t say anything and Ellie shifted uncomfortably on the couch.
“Colt, say something, please.”
He took a deep breath, debating his answer. He needed to be honest though.
“I know my dating history is bad, Ellie. I know what you think of me. But you know why I sleep with all these women?”
“You... don’t need to tell me that,” her cheeks were red and for a second Colt found it adorable how sweet and innocent she was.
“It sounds so, so, so stupid, so please never tell anyone and forget it right after I’ll say it, but I just wanted to feel love,” this time he blushed. Gosh, what was about her that made him acting so weird? “I thought I’d know how it is to feel loved. After a while I realized it wasn’t love but I didn’t care really.” He shrugged and tried to sound nonchalant.
“That was the closest I could get to love so I didn’t mind. That’s the only reason, Ellie. Not because I’m a monster or whatever you think of me.”
“I never thought of you like this!” she protested but he only waved his hand at her.
“Please, forget I ever said that okay? And especially never tell Mona, okay?”
“Of course,” she nodded, “ I wish you told me sooner, though.”
“So, you and Logan? Are you guys--?”
“No. We never were. He knew my heart was elsewhere. We stayed friends.”
“Oh.”
Silence fell between them again. They stole cursory glances at each other as if they were strangers, not best friends. Or whatever they were at that point.
“I meant everything I said.” Colt broke the silence and sat next to Ellie on the couch. He took her hands in his and looked at her. “Or yelled, actually. I do love you. I don’t know what to do about it, I don’t know how to express it and I would make the shittiest boyfriend ever, not even mentioning that I don’t deserve you at all, but I want you to know that I love you, Ellie. Even if it ruins our friendship, I want you to know that.”
“Colt...” she said before leaning in and kissing him on the lips. He smiled against her and pulled her closer to him.
If it’s a dream, I don’t want to wake up.
“I know you were my first kiss to,” she admitted when they parted.
“You... remembered?”
She shook her head, “Unfortunately no. Mona told me. But if you’d like to remind me what it felt like...”
Colt smiled before his lips crashed onto hers, pinning her to the couch, lying on top of her. He deepened the kiss, his arms wrapped around her, holding her as close as possible.
“Colt?” she pulled away to catch a breath.
“Yeah?”
“I love you, too.”
Colt’s expression almost melted with affection when he looked at her, tears in his eyes. This is definitely the most beautiful dream.
He felt her lips on his neck and frowned when her hands wandered under his shirt.
“Ellie, Ellie,” he stopped her and she looked at him confused.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”
“No, no,” he kissed her forehead, “it’s okay. I just don’t want to do it here. And now.”
“Why not? The couch is pretty comfy.”
“Ellie, I have waited my whole life for you and you’re way too special for this. And I’m not ready yet, I-- I want it to be special. We’re not doing it on the couch my father found next to the dumpster.”
“Ew, ew, ew!” Ellie jumped out of the couch, smoothing her dress.
He laughed, for the very first time in a very long time, relieved and happy as she shot him an annoyed look.
“Okay, point taken. I guess you’re worth the wait,” she teased biting her lip.
In no time, it was Colt who was biting it, holding her close, as if still not sure it was real.
“Do you have your clothes on?”
They jumped apart at the sound of Mona’s voice from behind the door.
“Yes, you pervert! What did you think we would be doing, huh?” Colt yelled at her, kicking the door.
“I’ll leave it for your imagination. I’ve heard you’ve made up so I guess I can let you out now. And I promise it has nothing to do with Kaneko going back to his office in like a minute.”
“MONA!”
When they finally were out Colt let out an exaggerated sigh. Mona shook his head and looked at Ellie who was standing quietly, smiling from ear to ear.
“Anything the two of you want to say?”
“You kept us in there against our will, which is illegal?” Colt suggested and Mona rolled her eyes.
“A simple ‘thank you’ would do the trick too.”
“Thank you, Mona. I don’t know what would happened without you,” Ellie said before Colt could snap back at Mona.
“You’re welcome. If Colt didn’t make a move on you finally, I would,” she winked at her before turning to leave.
“She’s right though,” Colt admitted when Mona already disappeared. “If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be here.”
“Which means you should be nice to her. Unless you’re not happy with how it all played out...”
“I am! I am,” he kissed her again and again. It wasn’t possible for him to ever get tired of kissing her.
“I love you, Ellie. Even when you sometimes drive me crazy.”
“I love you too, Colt.”
~~ EPILOGUE ~~
He was happy.
For the first time since he could remember, Colt was happy. 
He was still learning about being in a relationship but Ellie was always beside him, and that was enough. The first days of dating were a bit awkward since Colt had never been in any long term relationship but his girlfriend was always ready to help him out.
“Oh Colt! You don’t need to buy me flowers every single time we meet!” Ellie chuckled as Colt blushed holding a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand.
“Really?”
“Really,” she shoved him playfully, “You’d be broke in no time!”
“Oh,” he ran his free hand in his hair, “I actually stole these…”
“Colt!”
He was happy.
He had someone who cared about him and always made sure he knew he was loved. His mornings always started with “Good morning, I love you” message from Ellie and ended with a “Sweet dreams, I love you” message, also from Ellie. 
His father didn’t seemed to care much that he was dating Ellie but he did pat him in the back awkwardly one day and repeated, “She’s a good one.”
But Colt already knew that.
Ellie’s father forgave him eventually, after finding out what he did for her, what they felt for each other, he didn’t have much choice but to accept his daughter’s choice. 
He was happy.
Their first time happened much later. Colt didn’t feel ready before and Ellie mocked him to no end.
“Well, well, well… Who’s being a nun now?” she laughed at his flushed face when he shot her an annoyed look.
“Shut up.”
But as Colt promised, he made as special as it was possible. He booked a hotel room, the same one where they spent her 20th birthday, lit the candles, prepared all that fancy stuff he used to mock, and that way, he made their New Year’s Eve special. While people were welcoming the new year, celebrating it with the whole world, Colt was holding his own world in his arms.
He was happy.
Of course, it wasn’t always easy; Ellie still attended college so far away from him and even though she was trying to visit him as often as possible, it was still not enough for Colt. He couldn’t travel for a while and he desperately needed to be with her every day but he understood, he waited, he was patient. And even when things weren’t always easy for them, it didn’t matter much to him.
Because he was happy.
THE END.
65 notes · View notes
dylanobemineforever · 5 years
Text
Saving Her - Peter Parker
Story Masterlist
Chapter One: What Happened in the Past
Author's Note: I feel like this is really different from anything I've written so far and I'm actually proud of how this whole thing is turning out (and this is never the case) so I hope you guys enjoy it and I'd love to get some honest feedback!
Warnings: This is a story meant for a mature audience, so be aware of swearing and other stuff (that I can't reveal yet, because spoilers)
Word Count: 3.3 k 
Tumblr media
Peter watched her from afar. Her head was buried in her book. She had headphones in, trying to avoid as much social interaction as she possibly could. The food before her untouched and the bags underneath her eyes painfully noticeable, even from this distance. Everything he wanted to do was get up and talk to her. Apologize for the hundredth time in a row and admit to being the shittiest friend in the universe. Again. He wanted to jump on one of the tables in the cafeteria and scream on the top of his lungs: “Listen everyone! I’m Spider-Man!”, just so he could finally explain why things have been the way they’ve been. But, of course, he knew he couldn’t do that. Wouldn’t do that.
It’s been so hard watching her, seeing how she fell apart a little more every day. And there was nothing he could do or say to fix it. And how bad he wanted to fix this. Never before has he felt so helpless. He was out there every day, fighting criminals and bad guys. He was there on the battlefield and fought Thanos for Christ’s sake! He has been to space, has been erased from existence altogether and still… never has he felt so useless, empty and hopeless. How could he ever make up for what he did to her? How would she ever be able to forgive him? 
 “Where’s Peter?” Was her first reaction upon opening her apartment door. Ned, Peter’s and her friend since the beginning of middle school, waited in the hallway, alone, clad in a black shirt and jeans, head hanging low as he looked down to his feet and mumbled something, not being able to look into her red and puffy eyes. “Where’s Peter, Ned?” Her voice cracked. Ned felt his heart stop for a second, before it picked up its pace again. Finally, he looked up and instantly he wished he hadn’t. Her eyes were red and nearly swollen shut, new tears already forming in her eyes as the realization hit her that the person she needed the most that day wouldn’t be there for her. Today out of all days. She wore a black dress that normally would’ve looked really good on her, but right now, everything Ned could see was how thin she’s gotten and he briefly wondered when she last ate something. Oh, how he hated this. Seeing her like that, not being able to do anything to take any of the pain away and then on top of that he had to be the bearer of bad news. Oh, how he hated this.
“He… Peter, uh, he… “ Ned stammered, the words stuck in his throat. “He… he won’t make it. I’m sorry, Devon.”
She looked at him in disbelief, waiting for him to tell her that he was joking, although this really wasn’t the time to make jokes. Forcefully, she shook her head, unwilling to believe a word her friend had said. “What – what do you mean ‘he won’t make it’?” A bitter laugh escaped her mouth, as she continued to shake her head. “What on earth could he be doing that is more important than being here right now?” Her voice started shaking again, her lower lip trembling and it cost her all her strength to not fall down to her knees and sob like the mess she felt she was. “I – I told him… I told him I couldn’t do this…” More tears were rolling down her cheeks. “Not without him.”
Ned gulped. He’d never understand why Peter was so adamant to keep her in the dark. Granted, he didn’t tell Ned either and probably wouldn’t have if he hadn’t caught him sneaking into his room and crawling along the fucking ceiling! Peter didn’t want anyone else to know though and although Ned might not really get why, he respected his best friend too much to disregard his wishes. “I’m really sorry, Devon.”
“So, what is it then, Ned? What is he doing?” Suddenly, her voice didn’t sound as fragile anymore. It was still shaking, but it had a different ring to it than before. She was pissed.
“I- I don’t know… Uh, he… he just told me, he wasn’t feeling so well… A stomach bug or something.” Ned winced, this had to be the dumbest excuse. He wished he would’ve put more thought into it beforehand. The truth was, right after Ned and Peter closed the door behind them, on their way to her place, he got his weird Peter tingle or whatever it was – Ned didn’t really get it – and despite his first attempts of ignoring it he couldn’t anymore as he saw that not far from his apartment a building stood in flames, people screaming and crying. There was no way, he could ignore that. He had to help.
She laughed again which made Ned’s skin crawl. He’s never seen her like this. “A stomach bug?” She asked, fake amusement in her voice. “And that would make… I don’t know… twenty this month alone? Either something is seriously wrong with him and he should go and see a professional immediately or, and this is the more plausible explanation to me, you two are full of shit!” She got hold of the door behind her, took a step back and was ready to slam it shut, but Ned was quicker. Firmly, he planted his foot in the doorway, so she wouldn’t be able to close it.
“Listen, Devon, I’m sorry, I really am, but don’t shut me or Peter out like this… not now.” Of course he could understand her anger. He wouldn’t know how he’d react if he was in her position.
“No Ned, you listen! I don’t know what it is that Peter is involved in or why you always cover for him, but I sure as hell know that this isn’t how friends treat each other! You can tell Peter that I don’t wanna see him, hear from him or ever talk to him again, understood?! Same goes for you and now leave me alone!”
Ned was taken aback by her words. A wave of hurt crashing down on him as he slightly stumbled backwards and therefore gave her the opportunity to shut the door – forcefully. The echo ringing in his ears for a little while, as he stood there in the hallway, dumbfounded and completely lost. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t leave her alone. Not at a time like this. On the other hand, though, she’s already been through too much for him to not respect her wish to be alone right now. He really didn’t know what to do. After a little back and forth he called Peter, but he didn’t pick up. With a heavy heart he walked down the hall and left the apartment complex.
 Peter contemplated his options again. Should he just go over? What would she do? Painfully, he was taken aback to one of the worst days of his life.
 Right when Peter finally made it, it was her turn to go up on the small podium. He breathed out a sigh of relief, glad that he hadn’t missed it. She had told him over and over again that she wouldn’t be able to do this if he wasn’t there. He helped her with her speech and they practiced under tears. Blissfully unaware of what had happened only a few hours ago, he searched the mass of people with his eyes in the hopes to find Ned. He didn’t, though. He wondered where his best friend could be right now, but as soon as the microphone beeped and someone cleared their throat, his attention was shifted in her direction again. Her eyes scanned the mass of grieving people carefully, throat feeling drier than ever before. Her tongue like sandpaper in her mouth. She opened her mouth, ready to get this over with as she saw… him – Peter. Suddenly, every thought vanished and she felt like she was about to throw up. The eyes of the other people looked at her expectantly and she knew that she had to give them something, although, everything she wanted to do right now was run away. Far, far away and never come back.
She cleared her throat again. “So, uh, I – I prepared a speech, but, uh…” Her eyes filled with tears yet again. Oh, how she hated having to cry all the time! “But, standing up here now… I don’t know… It feels like there aren’t really any fitting words to say, no matter how much thought I put into them before.” She let her eyes wander over the crowd, but careful to avoid Peter at all costs. She gulped before she continued: “When my father first got his diagnosis neither one of us really knew what to do or say. You never expect it to hit you or someone close to you. It’s like… We know that thousands of car crashes happen every day, but never can we imagine that one day, we’ll sit in one of those cars. Oftentimes, we forget how precious life truly is and now that he’s gone…” New tears were rolling down her cheek, but she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. “And now that he’s gone, I realize that there is so much that I wish I would’ve said to him. And that he won’t be here for so many more milestones in my life. He used to always be the first person I would call or talk to when something important happened and now… thinking that he won’t be here to see me graduate, go to college or walk me down the aisle one day… it just… it feels so surreal, like, I’m underwater and the minute I get back up to the surface again he’ll be there and make all my worries disappear. But, of course, I now this won’t happen.” A sigh fell from her lips and it took her a while to gather her thoughts and the strength to continue. “I really don’t know what to say… Nothing I could say or do right now would do him and the love I had for him justice. So, all there really is left to say is…” Another deep breath in the hopes of getting her quivering voice under control. It didn’t really help. “I love you, dad. I really do hope that you’re in a better place now, that one day, we might meet again and I can tell you great stories about the things that you’ve missed. You really were the best dad anyone could’ve ever wished for. Thank you for always being there for me.”
Peter waited for her after the ceremony. She was talking to her mother and occasionally looked over to him. To him it felt like she was contemplating whether she should go to him or not. After a little back and forth, though, she said goodbye to her mother and walked towards him.
“Hey, I –“
She interrupted him. “Peter, what are you doing here?” Her tone wasn’t angry or unfriendly. To him it sounded like she was tired, exhausted. Looking at her face, how her eyes were ridden with red veins, he guessed that she didn’t have a good night’s sleep in weeks.
Peter frowned. “What do you mean ‘what are you doing here’? Of course I’m here.”
“You were late…”
“I – uh-“
She interrupted him again. “Ned said that you wouldn’t make it…”
Again, Peter stammered. Unsure of what to say, he tried to shift the attention away from himself. “Speaking of Ned… Where is he?”
“I sent him home earlier.” She shrugged and suddenly it felt like the energy around them had shifted. Peter couldn’t really pinpoint what it was or what had changed, but he felt that something was off. Very, very off.
“Why – why would you send him home?”
She answered his question with another. “Where were you, Peter?” Having cried for the last few weeks with seemingly no end in sight, she at least tried to suppress them this time. She turned her head to look up the cloudy sky as she tried to compose herself. “And please, for the sake of god, please, don’t lie to me!”
Should he tell her the truth? Right now? No, this wasn’t right. This wasn’t how he wanted for her to find out. Although, he hadn’t told Ned anything about it yet, but Peter had been planning on telling her all about his secret second life and identity. He was working on a detailed plan, so that she’d be able to digest it better. In all honesty, he had a hard time figuring out how she would react which made configuring the plan a little harder… ergo the reason why he hadn’t done it yet. All this time, he had been too afraid to tell her, because he didn’t want to lose her as a friend. Although, deep down he knew that this was stupid, because why couldn’t they be friends after this, right? Still, he chickened out time and time again. Maybe also because there was something else that he wanted to get off his chest for a very long time now, but hadn’t gotten a chance to say it aloud. Well, technically, he’s said it aloud a million times, practicing in his room, in front of the mirror and one time May actually caught him and the next thing he knew they were both having ice cream while he was spilling his heart out about the girl that he liked since seemingly forever. He was eleven back then and they both had known each other for not even a year, but to him it felt like he already knew that she was the one he was supposed to be with. Well, since then, a lot had changed. Not only the fact that he had become a superhero, but also every single thing that has led up to this exact moment. And this moment right there, was not the time for him to come forward. She had just lost her dad. She was grieving and it wouldn’t be fair to her if he’d burden her with even more on top of that. So, no, he couldn’t tell her the truth… “I was… I was, uh… There, there was this thing that I needed to take care of, but I came as fast as I could, Dev.”
She mulled his response over in her head for a few minutes, not really knowing what to do or say next. This was hard. But she also knew that she couldn’t take this any longer. Today, out of all days, was the one time that she so desperately needed him like she never needed him before. There was a hole that was burning its way through her world, sucking everything in and leaving her cold and alone. Somehow, only Peter had been able to fill that void ever since her father died. He made her feel warm and protected, made her see the sun even though it hid behind a thick layer of clouds. He was the only thing that she needed today and although he did show up – the very last second – she felt like he had abandoned her during a time of need. And somehow she wasn’t sure if she could forgive him for that. Not only that, but the constant lying and scheming behind her back… She just couldn’t take it any longer. “So, there was a thing…”
“Yes, I’m really sorry!”
“Weird, because Ned told me you had a stomach bug…” Peter opened his mouth to say something, but she held her finger up in the air, signaling that she wasn’t done yet. “I’m so sick of this, Peter! I’m sick of the lying. I’m sick of you never showing up! I’m sick of it! And as I already told Ned, for the time being I think it’s best if we all just go our separate ways.”
“What… I – Devon, please let me explain…”
“No, Peter. You had your chance and I don’t wanna hear any more excuses! This is it! I’ve had enough and I don’t wanna see you, I don’t want to talk to you and I sure as hell don’t want any more stories! So, please, I’m begging you, just leave me the hell alone!” Her lip started to tremble. Peter wanted to reach out, grab her arm as she turned around and walked away, but he didn’t. Instead he just watched her disappear in the distance as his heart started to feel heavier with every other step she took. And then it started to pour.
 “Peter, it’s getting creepy.” Ned nudged his friend. Peter jolted upright in his seat, taken back to reality.
“Do you think I should go talk to her?”
Ned sighed. He hated this. For the last three weeks he had to watch his best friend being heartbroken over the girl he loved since forever and his other best friend suffering alone. He had tried to talk to her after Peter’s miserable attempts of making up for what he did, but she didn’t even want to talk to him. He was worried, deeply worried, but on the other hand he didn’t want Peter to cause a scene in front of the whole school. “Maybe some other time. I don’t think she would appreciate you doing that right now.”
Sadly, Peter nodded. “Do you know how she’s doing though? Is she making new friends? How is she?”
Ned knew something, but he hadn’t told Peter anything about it yet. He wouldn’t like it.
“I know that look, Ned… What is it! Spit it out!”
After Ned debated whether to tell Peter what he knew, someone approached her and immediately Peter’s head snapped in her direction. The words Ned wanted to say, left in his throat as he saw who it was. Nate Gibson. Peter’s brows furrowed as he watched him sit down next to her. Right away she pulled her headphones out and a shy smile crept onto her face.
“Did you know about this?”
Ned shrugged. “I just wanted to tell you.”
“Well, you should’ve told me sooner!” Peter’s voice was a little higher than usual. He was on edge. “You know who this guy is!”
“Yeah, and trust me I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t listen! What am I supposed to do? Beat some sense into her?”
Peter rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help but think ‘if that’s what it takes’… because, you see, Nate… well, Nate was the type of guy no one would want their daughter – or son – hanging around with. He was popular, sure, but aside from his rep as the guy who threw a party every other weekend, he was also the guy known to be involved in… there really was no easier way to say this… drugs. And if Devon – who, by the way, used to despise the guy – was all of a sudden this close to him, Peter couldn’t help but think that maybe she’s caught herself up in something that she would’ve better left untouched.
“You know what this means, Ned!” Peter was ready to bolt out of his seat and give this son of a bitch a piece of his mind. Ned held him down, though. And although it would’ve been more than easy for Peter to fight himself out of his friend’s grip, he didn’t.
“We don’t know anything yet.” Ned tried to calm his best friend down. “I’ve been talking to a few people, asking if they know anything… no one did. So, you can’t run over there and make wild accusations. Imagine how this would make her feel, if it isn’t true! We have to be one hundred percent sure if we wanna do something about it. Got it?”
Peter hated to admit it, but Ned was right. If he went over to her with nothing more but a hunch, she’d probably hate him for the rest of her life. No, they had to be smart about it. But how the hell were they supposed to do that? 
Get tagged HERE 
Tags: @crazyfreaker @underoosparkerrr
17 notes · View notes
chibisquirt · 6 years
Text
Celestial Navigation remix teaser
This isn’t even its final form.
No, seriously, this isn’t anywhere close to even a first chapter first draft.  It will change!  And I’m not writing it right now.  (I would say “I’m not writing The Thing,” except that that would be true, and this would be The Other Thing.)  I’ll probably seriously start work on this sometime in...  April?  May?  Right around then.  Definitely not during Remix Madness, not unless I can somehow work three work shifts and write *eyeballs it* 60-100k in two days.  
Don’t hold your breath.
But @sabrecmc​ said she loved my idea, and I wanted to get it down before I forgot it.  So this is... the start of an idea.
I had fun with it, anyway.
Tony stormed into the lab in a bitch of a mood, but he really didn't think he could be blamed.  Fury's words were still ringing in his ears like a boxing blow.  
“We have no problem with Iron Man; Iron man does damn good work.  And we have no problem with Tony Stark; Tony Stark is revolutionizing every lab we got in this damn place.  But Tony Stark and Iron Man being one and the same?  Yeah, that we kinda have a problem with.”
In the wake of Afghanistan, Tony had been adamant that Stark Industries would no longer make weapons that could fall into the wrong hands.  He couldn’t shut down every operation— SI was under contract for up to three more years, in some cases, and they couldn’t afford the fallout of breaking those deals— but all the contracts they were bidding on were dropped, and Tony had flat-out refused to consider any future deals making weapons.  
But he wasn’t willing to just shut down the company wholesale, so alternatives had to be found.  SI already made body armor and flight prototypes; Tony had ramped those categories up, adding green energy and communications to their list of milieus.  He had SI producing with his usual high standards within months, and SHIELD was his biggest contractor.  
Of course, once he had SHIELD clearance for those contracts— which weren’t being offered to the military yet— it made sense to bring Tony in as a contract engineer, too.  For the last three months, he had been romping around as many SHIELD research departments as he could find, and been playing merry hell with all of them.  (Except for linguistics; the linguists were a little weird, even for him.)   He already had a helicarrier under development, as well as some prototype hard-light armors that no one other than SHIELD would ever be willing to pay for.  He even had his hands in SHIELD’s perennially doomed efforts to create a super-soldier, not that he expected it to make a difference.  SHIELD had been failing at that one since back when they were the S.S.R., Tony didn’t exactly expect it to succeed now.  
The science division was about fifteen floors of the Triskellion (twenty-seventh to forty-second, in fact), but the central area of the twenty-seventh floor was its own little access way:  if you wanted to get anywhere in the science division, you had to go through there.  
Tony swanned into that science lobby like Alan Rickman entering a potions dungeon.  
“Alright, kids, show daddy the good stuff," he said, and a dozen Beta scientists leaped to obey.  Ten points to Ravenclaw, he thought, and sneered at the first project that came under his nose.  
Well, okay, come on— that wasn’t being in character, it was just a really bad design!  “Why did you put your damn rotors on the bottom, Evans?”  As if Tony didn’t already have a migraine...
“I thought— it’ll make for less wear on the bolts to heave up the body than to pull, right?  So—”
“First of all, no it won’t.  And second of all, it’ll increase the wear on the rotors themselves—”
“No, but— it lands in water, right?  I mean we’re not doing this from land, or anything—”
“ — and at those speeds, the water may as well be concrete!  This isn’t grade school—”
Evans got the message.
Tony worked his way through them, the UAV’s and the phasers and the—
“Please don’t call it that.”
“Well, if you come up with a better name than the ‘night-night gun’ I’m sure we’ll be happy to change it,” the little Beta huffed.
— and slowly worked his way through to the back of the lounge where the scruffy-looking Dr. Banner was waiting.  
“Done with the scrum?” Bruce asked.  He sipped his tea.  
“Mostly.  Saving the best for last.”  Tony pasted on an encouraging grin, just for him.  
It wasn’t Bruce’s fault, it really wasn’t.  Bruce was a good damned scientist, careful and thorough and painstaking, but with an effortless grasp of higher concepts of physics and chemistry that still seemed to elude some of his more decorated colleagues out there.  It was Bruce’s bad luck, though, to be assigned to the shittiest project in the whole place.  Seriously:  if the projects were potions students, Bruce’s was Neville Longbottom.  And it wasn’t fucking fair— but then, very few things were.
Plus, at this point, Bruce was contributing to his own relegation.  It wasn’t like his good work had gone unnoticed— if no one else had tried to scoop Bruce, then Tony would have.  But as Tony had been informed— repeatedly, and at a variety of volumes, some of which had not been necessary, thank you, Fury— Bruce had stubbornly insisted that he could crack his stupid Super-Soldier project, and had remained, slowly chipping away at it, for over a year after he could have been reassigned.
That was honestly the only reason Tony was even interested in the project.  It was a bad idea; far too much potential for abuse, for one thing— what if you super-soldiered the wrong guy, and got a madman?  So Tony jumped on board to help Bruce get done faster, and then he started screening the candidates, too— just to make sure they were all people he would trust with super-powers.  It took up more of his time than anything else he did here, but it was also a bigger challenge:  psych evaluation wasn’t exactly Tony’s strong suit.  See exhibit one:  Stane, Obediah, betrayals thereof.
“Got a new batch of subjects in,” Bruce said mildly.  “I know you like to meet them.”
“Fabulous; something else to fail at.”
Bruce stopped and pivoted halfway through the door of his department, raising his eyebrows in surprise.
Tony sighed.  “Nothing.  Meeting with Fury went... poorly.”  
Bruce tipped his head to the side, but didn’t push.  Very restful guy, Bruce.  Tony really did like him.  “First one’s through there,” was all he said, pushing through and back to the exam rooms.  Bruce’s department was set up so much like a doctor’s office that Tony suspected it had originally been intended to be one, and the decor didn’t help:  muted tones and uncomfortably-padded furniture.  He even had magazines in the waiting room, although, being for SHIELD agents, they were more Guns&Ammo than out-of-date US Weekly.  
Tony snagged the file out of the holder on the back of the first exam room door.  “Barnes, J. B., Level 3 SHIELD Agent,” he read off.  “Fabulous, more spies; just what we need.”
Bruce nodded unironically and headed to the lab— ostensibly to run tests, but Tony knew that was where he kept his teapot, and his mug was suspiciously empty.  Mark down another on the list of people who drink around me, Tony thought, although the thought was a lot fonder than it usually was.  “Be nice to that one,” Bruce instructed.  “I like him.”
“Good lord, why?”  Tony opened the door.  
“I’m serious, Tony; he’s on the short list.”
Tony blinked, and then without another word, stepped through, closing the door behind him.
J. B. Barnes was tall and fit, a Beta wearing a SHIELD uniform.  So, they hadn’t pulled him off of an assignment for this, then.  Closer examination revealed the cast on his left arm:  a-ha.  Benched, for now.  His hair was brown, eyes pale— blue or gray, hard to tell at this distance— and his ears, apparently, were sharp, because he was grinning.  
There was something familiar about that grin...  Tony shrugged it off.
“Name and birthday?”  
The grin barely faltered— no more than a sixteenth of an inch.
Okay, and right off the bat, that one was probably on Tony; they were required— stupid Bruce and his stupid scrupulousness about protocols— to confirm the identity of the people they were talking to before discussing any medical records.  But Tony didn’t have to say it quite so sharply.  He didn’t usually spit the words “name and birthday” like they were going to take out Gilderoy Lockhart, after all.  So once Barnes had confirmed that, yes, he had been born March 10th, twenty-one years ago, Tony settled into the little doctor’s stool, did a full rotation because wheelie stools never got old, and apologized.  “Been a long day,” he explained it, “people being difficult.”
“And by people you mean pirates?”
Tony almost didn’t get it for a second, because it was said so blandly it might as well have been asking his oatmeal preferences, and because it was so unexpected coming from a Level 3 agent.  “You usually that irreverent about Fury?  He might keel-haul you.”
Barnes grinned again.  “I have a well-established pattern of snark,” he admitted.  “There’s a reason I’m only a level three.”
Tony looked back at the chart again. “You’re a baby,” he said absently, “don’t take it personally—”
It was a pretty impressive chart, though.  “You can shoot.”  
“Yeah, a little.”
Barnes could probably win gold at the olympics and be set for life, given the numbers from his last round on range.  Sure. “A little,” Tony repeated dryly.  “Interrogation specialist, really?  ‘Exceptional problem solver,’ what does that even mean?  And you speak...”
“Five languages— well, okay, the Irish is mostly profanity.”
Tony hefted the file.  “This says four.  Counting the Irish.”
Barnes shrugged.  “The Klingon’s more recent,” he admitted, “and it really shouldn’t count anyway, there’s only, like, three thousand words—”
“Closer to thirty-five hundred.”
“It’s not Chinese, though, right?  I mean...”
Tony’s mouth twitched.  “It’s not Chinese, no.  Or... Russian, apparently.  Huh; eclectic.”  
“Thanks.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.”
“There a reason you’re busting my balls?”
Tony paused.  More of the snark?  Or was he really being too harsh?
“I mean, given that Doc Banner just told you he likes me.  Either you’re trying to break me— which, good luck, chill out though because it’s not going to happen— or you’re in a legitimate shitty mood.  In which case, I’d rather not be your punching bag.”
There was something about how he said it...  The young man wasn’t saying it to push, like another Alpha would have.  He wasn’t saying it defiantly, either; it wasn’t like he was daring Tony.  That one was a standard technique in Alphas and Betas alike:  the Alphas used it to start a fight, the Beta’s used it to make the Alphas look irrational and over-emotional.  It usually worked pretty well in either case, too, although Tony had seen it often enough in boardrooms that he could handle it.
But that wasn’t what was going on here, and the difference was so obvious it set Tony blinking.  The guy— Barnes— was just stating a fact, that was all.  “Here’s what I see, and that’s how it is.”  No bravado, no push— just truth.
Which neatly left only one possible response.  “Sorry,” Tony said again, and meant it this time.  “Pirates.  You know.”
“Perils of the high seas,” Barnes agreed.  “But it’s just us up here in the crow’s nest; you wanna talk about it?”
Tony laughed, impressed by the balls on the guy if nothing else.  “No.”
“Could help.”
“No,” Tony repeated, struggling to keep down the simmering heat that had been resting behind the arc reactor since his meeting with Fury delivered his ultimatum.
“Look, we like what you do, Tony— there’s no doubt about that— but Iron Man is too reckless, too borderline suicidal, to also be the guy essentially running every research operation we have!  Add to that, every analysis we’ve got—”
Tony had sent Natasha Romanov, sitting at the table with them, a dirty look, but she had just blinked slowly at him and Fury hadn’t checked his tide of words.  
“ — has indicated that Iron Man is a dysfunctional personality— and that was even before we knew he was also you.”  
Tony caught his breath.  Iron Man was the best of him; hearing that even his best wasn’t good enough... that hurt more than he wanted to admit.  And certainly not to Fury.  
“He is headstrong, disregards the standard protocols of operation, twice he’s put our other agents in danger—”
“Point of order:  he can’t put your ‘other’ agents in danger because he isn’t one—”
“I don’t care, Stark.  Make a show.  Be stable.  Invest in the future—”
“What do you think the whole ‘green energy’ thing is about?!”
“ — personally invest.  Hell, get yourself an Omega!  Pop out a couple kids!  We’ll all pray the brains are heritable and the personality isn’t.  Just... don’t break things, for once in your goddamn life.  Show me you can be a team player, and I’ll think about it.  Show me you’re not an adrenaline-junkie mess, and I’ll welcome you back with open arms!  But until that happens, Iron Man— and you— are barred from all aspects of the Avengers Initiative.”
Fury had almost made it to the door when Tony’s head snapped up.  “You know,” he called, “if you don’t break things, you can’t put them back together with improvements!”
The only answer was the whisper-soft slide of the Black Widow’s boots as she followed Fury out the door.
“Unless you’ve got an Omega in your pocket,” Tony said now, his voice approximately as dry as a dead cactus, “I’m shit out of luck.”
Barnes froze.  He blinked, and then blinked again.  He looked around the room as if scanning for cameras before bringing his head back around to meet Tony’s eyes.  “I mean...”  He rubbed his palms along his navy blue trousers as if he were trying to rid them of sweat.  “...You can’t tell Fury.”
Tony froze, thinking about it.  It had been an offhand joke, a throwaway line designed to get the conversation back on course.  But then again...
Tony was about to make a very, very, very large mistake. He tossed Barnes’ file on the counter.  
“Tell me more.”
110 notes · View notes
illbefinealonereads · 4 years
Photo
Tumblr media
Blog tour! I present to you some info and an excerpt from She’s Faking It by Kristin Rockaway.
She’s Faking It Kristin Rockaway FICTION/Romance/Contemporary  Trade Paperback | Graydon House Books On Sale: 6/30/2020 978152580464 $15.99 $19.99 CAN
Tumblr media
You can’t put a filter on reality. Bree Bozeman isn’t exactly pursuing the life of her dreams. Then again, she isn’t too sure what those dreams are. After dropping out of college, she’s living a pretty chill life in the surf community of Pacific Beach, San Diego…if “chill” means delivering food as a GrubGetter, and if it means “uneventful”. But when Bree starts a new Instagram account — @breebythesea — one of her posts gets a signal boost from none other than wildly popular self-help guru Demi DiPalma, owner of a lifestyle brand empire. Suddenly, Bree just might be a rising star in the world of Instagram influencing. Is this the direction her life has been lacking? It’s not a career choice she’d ever seriously considered, but maybe it’s a sign from the universe. After all, Demi’s the real deal… right? Everything is lining up for Bree: life goals, career, and even a blossoming romance with the chiseled guy next door, surf star Trey Cantu. But things are about to go sideways fast, and even the perfect filter’s not gonna fix it. Instagram might be free, but when your life looks flawless on camera, what’s the cost?
BUY LINKS:
Harlequin Amazon Apple Books Barnes & Noble Books-A-Million Google Play IndieBound Kobo
Tumblr media
Kristin Rockaway is a native New Yorker with an insatiable case of wanderlust. After working in the IT industry for far too many years, she traded the city for the surf and chased her dreams out to Southern California, where she spends her days happily writing stories instead of software. When she's not writing, she enjoys spending time with her husband and son, and planning her next big vacation.
SOCIAL LINKS:
http://kristinrockaway.com/ Facebook: /KristinRockaway Twitter: @KristinRockaway Instagram: @KristinRockway
Excerpt
From Chapter Two
“Don’t these books make your purse really heavy? There’s gotta be some app where you can store all this information.”
“Studies show you’re more likely to remember things you’ve written by hand, with physical pen and paper.” She reached across my lap and opened the glove compartment, removing a notebook with an antiqued photograph of a vintage luxury car printed on the cover. “For example, this is my auto maintenance log. Maybe if you’d kept one of these, like I told you to, we wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.”
I loved Natasha, I really did. She was responsible and generous, and without her I’d likely be far worse off than I already was, which was a horrifying thought to consider. But at times like this, I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake the shit out of her.
“A maintenance log wouldn’t have helped me.”
“Yes, it would have. Organization is about more than decluttering your home. It’s about decluttering your mind. Making lists, keeping records—these are all ways to help you get your life in order. If you’d had a maintenance log, this problem wouldn’t have caught you off guard in the middle of your delivery shift. You’d have seen it coming, and—”
“I saw it coming.”
“What?”
“This didn’t catch me off guard. The check engine light came on two weeks ago.” Or maybe it was three.
“Then why didn’t you take it to the mechanic?” She blinked, genuinely confused. Everything was so cut-and dried with her. When a car needed to be serviced, of course you called the mechanic.
That is, if you could afford to pay the repair bill.
Fortunately, she put two and two together without making me say it out loud. “Oh,” she murmured, then bit her lip. I could almost hear the squeak and clank of wheels turning in her head as she tried to piece together the solution to this problem. No doubt it included me setting up a journal or logbook of some sort, though we both knew that would be pointless. The last time she’d tried to set me up with a weekly budget planner, I gave up on day two, when I realized I could GrubGetter around the clock for the rest of my life and still never make enough money to get current on the payments for my student loans. You know, for that degree I’d never finished.
But Natasha was a determined problem solver. It said so in her business bio: “Natasha DeAngelis, Certified Professional Organizer®, is a determined problem solver with a passion for sorting, purging, arranging, and containerizing.” My life was a perpetual mess, and though she couldn’t seem to be able to clean it up, that didn’t stop her from trying. Over and over and over again.
“I’ll pay for the repairs,” she said.
“No.” I shook my head, fending off the very big part of me that wanted to say yes. “I can’t take any money from you.”
“It’s fine,” she said. “Business is booming. I’ve got so much work right now that I’ve actually had to turn clients away. And ever since Al introduced that new accelerated orthodontic treatment, his office has been raking it in. We can afford to help you.”
“I know.” Obviously, my sister and her family weren’t hurting for cash. Aside from her wildly successful organizing business, her husband, Al, ran his own orthodontics practice. They owned a four-bedroom house, leased luxury cars, and took triannual vacations to warm, sunny places like Maui and Tulum. They had a smart fridge in their kitchen that was undoubtedly worth more than my nonfunctioning car.
But my sister wasn’t a safety net, and I needed to stop treating her like one. She’d already done so much for me. More than any big sister should ever have to do.
“I just can’t,” I said.
“Well, do you really have any other choice?” There was an edge to Natasha’s voice now. “If you don’t have a car, how are you going to work?”
“I’ll figure something out.” The words didn’t sound very convincing, even to my own ears. For the past four years, all I’d done was deliver food. I had no other marketable skills, no references, no degree.
I was a massive failure.
Tears pooled in my eyes. Natasha sighed again.
“Look,” she said, “maybe it’s time to admit you need to come up with a solid plan for your life. You’ve been in a downward spiral ever since Rob left.”
She had a point. I’d never been particularly stable, but things got a whole lot worse seven months earlier, when my live-in ex-boyfriend, Rob, had abruptly announced he was ending our three-year relationship, quitting his job, and embarking on an immersive ayahuasca retreat in the depths of the Peruvian Amazon.
“I’ve lost my way,” he’d said, his eyes bloodshot from too many hits on his vape pen. “The Divine Mother Shakti at the Temple of Eternal Light can help me find myself again.”
“What?” I’d been incredulous. “Where is this coming from?”
He’d unearthed a book from beneath a pile of dirty clothes on our bed and handed it to me—Psychedelic Healers: An Exploratory Journey of the Soul, by Shakti Rebecca Rubinstein.
“What is this?”
“It’s the book that changed my life,” he’d said. “I’m ready for deep growth. New energy.”
Then he’d moved his belongings to a storage unit off the side of the I-8, and left me to pay the full cost of our monthly rent and utilities on my paltry GrubGetter income.
I told myself this situation was only temporary, that Rob would return as soon as he realized that hallucinating in the rainforest wasn’t going to lead him to some higher consciousness. But I hadn’t heard from him since he took off on that direct flight from LAX to Lima. At this point, it was probably safe to assume he was never coming back.
Which was probably for the best. It’s not exactly like Rob was Prince Charming or anything. But being with him was better than being alone. At least I’d had someone to split the bills with.
“Honestly,” she continued, “I can’t stand to see you so miserable anymore. Happiness is a choice, Bree. Choose happy.”
Of all Natasha’s pithy sayings, “Choose happy” was the one I hated most. It was printed on the back of her business cards in faux brush lettering, silently accusing each potential client of being complicit in their own misery. If they paid her to clean out their closets, though, they could apparently experience unparalleled joy.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
She scowled. “It is not.”
“It is, actually. Shitty things happen all the time and we have no choice in the matter. I didn’t choose to be too broke to fix my car. I work really hard, but this job doesn’t pay well. And I didn’t choose for Rob to abandon me to go find himself in the Amazon, either. He made that choice for us.”
I almost mentioned the shittiest thing that had ever happened to Natasha or to me, a thing neither of us had chosen. But I stopped myself before the words rolled off my lips. This evening was bad enough without rehashing the details of our mother’s death.
“Sometimes things happen to us that are beyond our control,” Natasha said, her voice infuriatingly calm. “But we can control how we react to it. Focus on what you can control. And it does no good to dwell on the past, either. Don’t look back, Bree—”
“Because that’s not where you’re going. Yes, I know. You’ve said that before.” About a thousand times.
She took a deep breath, most likely to prepare for a lengthy lecture on why it’s important to stay positive and productive in the face of adversity, but then a large tow truck lumbered onto the cul-de-sac and she got out of the car to flag him down.
Grateful for the interruption, I ditched the casserole on her dashboard and walked over to where the driver had double-parked alongside my car.
“What’s the problem?” he asked, hopping down from the cab.
“It won’t start,” I said, to which Natasha quickly followed up with, “The check engine light came on several weeks ago, but the car has not been serviced yet.”
He grunted and popped the hood, one thick filthy hand stroking his braided beard as he surveyed the engine. Another grunt, then he asked for the keys and tried to start it, only to hear the same sad click and whine as before.
“It’s not the battery.” He leaned his head out of the open door. “When was the last time you changed your timing belt?”
“Uh… I don’t know.”
Natasha shook her head and mouthed, Maintenance log! in my direction but I pretended not to see.
The driver got out and slammed the hood shut. “Well, this thing is hosed.”
“Hosed?” My heart thrummed in my chest. “What does that mean? It can’t be fixed?”
He shrugged, clearly indifferent to my crisis-in-progress. “Can’t say for sure. Your mechanic can take a closer look and let you know. Where do you want me to tow it?”
I pulled out my phone to look up the address of the mechanic near my apartment down in Pacific Beach. But Natasha answered before I could google it up.
“Just take it to Encinitas Auto Repair,” she said. “It’s on Second and F.”
“You got it,” he said, then retreated to his truck to fiddle with some chains.
Natasha avoided my gaze. Instead, she focused on calling a guy named Jerry, who presumably worked at this repair shop, and told him to expect “a really old Civic that’s in rough shape,” making sure to specify, “It’s not mine, it’s my sister’s.”
I knew she was going to pay for the repairs. It made me feel icky, taking yet another handout from my big sister. But ultimately, she was right. What other choice did I have?
The two of us stayed quiet while the driver finished hooking up my car. After he’d towed it away down the cul-desac and out of sight, Natasha turned to me. “Do you want to come over? Izzy’s got piano lessons in fifteen minutes, you can hear how good she is now.”
Even though I did miss my niece, there was nothing I wanted to do more than go home, tear off these smelly clothes, and cry in solitude. “I’ll take a rain check. Thanks again for coming to get me.”
“Of course.” She started poking at her phone screen. A moment later, she said, “Your Lyft will be here in four minutes. His name is Neil. He drives a black Sentra.” A quick kiss on my cheek and she was hustling back to her SUV.
As I watched Natasha drive away, I wished—not for the first time—that I could be more like her: competent, organized, confident enough in my choices to believe I could choose to be happy. Sometimes I felt like she had twenty years on me, instead of only six. So maybe instead of complaining, I should’ve started taking her advice.
 Excerpted from She’s Faking It by Kristin Rockaway, Copyright © 2020 by Allison Amini. Published by Graydon House Books.
0 notes
ellana-ravenwood · 7 years
Text
“She’s too good for you” - Dick Grayson x Reader
Summary : You finally meet your boyfriend’s family. 
Just a short little thing I wanted to write about the eldest of the batkids...Hope you’ll like it :s. . 
You can find my masterlist here : @ella-ravenwood-archives
____________________________________________________________________
Tumblr media
You were watching TV, on your own, in your tiny apartment when it all happened. 
A knock on your door, and then said door opening. You didn’t worry, you knew who it was.
-(Y/N), how many times will I have to tell you that you need to lock your door ? Gotham is a dangerous city...
You turned around, kneeling up on your couch, to look at him. Richard Grayson was facing you. Your boyfriend. You smiled with defiance.
-You know Richie, if someone really wanted to get in my house, the lock wouldn’t do anything. They can just bust the door open with one kick. It’s a very shitty door, in a very shitty complex apartment. No one will ever even think anything valuable is in there. And they’d be right. 
-I beg to disagree, there’s one very valuable thing in this apartment...
You raised your eyebrows. Even your TV was like a hundred years old, and totally worthless. He walked toward you, stopping behind your couch to kiss you. You kissed back eagerly, tangling your hand in his hair, and he pulled back with a low chuckle. Oh you loved his laugh so much. It was damn sexy. 
-You. I’m talking about you (Y/N). 
You blushed. The man always knew how to talk to you...He went to sit next to you, and you snuggled against him, enjoying his warmth. There was a moment of comfortable silence, silence that he broke. 
-You know, I would really feel more at ease if you did lock that door up. Even better, let me put a nice reinforced door. No, no wait, even better...Come live with me in my apartment, it’s totally secure...
You pulled away from him, and turned your head to lock your eyes with yours. He found it hard to not look away, you had such an intense gaze. When he told you that he was Nightwing, you didn’t say anything, just stared at him while he was explaining what it was all about. And when he was done with his explanations, you just kissed him, and that night, you made love to each other for the first time. He kinda thought that it was really hot when you just stared intensely at him, and a bit scary...
-Richie, first, a reinforced door would attract every low life criminal on the block, because they’d think I hide something good in my apartment. Second, I love you, but I’m really not ready to move in with you. And third, the day I am ready however, I want to be totally independent, so I don’t owe anything to anyone, I really don’t like handouts you know that. 
He smiled to you, and bend down to kiss you lovingly. 
-First, I love you too princess. Second, tell me when you’re ready, because I totally am. And third, Bruce doesn’t pay for my apartment. He just...helps out sometimes, and..Well I...
-You don’t have to justify his help honey, he’s your dad, it’s totally normal what he’s doing. But I’m not his daughter, so...Yeah. 
-Yeah, he is my dad...I guess you’re right. Still, lock your damn door. 
You smiled and snuggled closer to him, burying your head in his chest. 
-Speaking of dad...You’re not ready to move in with me but...would you be ready to...Meet him ? 
You froze. Meet him ? Bruce Wayne ? The Bruce Wayne ? The Goddamn Batman ? Hum...No, you weren’t ready at all. But then again, you thought you’d never be ready for such a thing. That guy was so intimidating...But you didn’t feel like turning the proposition down. You knew that Dick never really dated anyone seriously (except Barbara Gordon, a long time ago), and him wanting you to meet his family was a big deal. You just couldn't say no. And against your better judgement, you told him : “Yeah, sure, let’s go see your dad...”
*****************
And that’s how, a few days later, you get down Dick’s motorcycle and, his hand in yours, climb the steps toward the very impressive and massive Wayne Manor. 
An older man opened the door before you reach the top of the steps, and you recognize him as being the butler, Alfred Pennyworth. Dick told you so much about him, you felt you knew him really well...You couldn’t help but feel extremely awkward though. This is all so foreign to you. 
To your surprise, the rest of the family was waiting for you inside.
His brothers and his father were facing you, staring at you as if you were some strange creature they’d never seen before. Dick almost dragged you to them, and with the hand that wasn’t intwined with yours, he pointed at you. 
-Everyone, this is (Y/N). My girlfriend. And yes, I’m using the word seriously. (Y/N), here’s are my little brothers, Jason, Tim and Damian. And my...hum...My father, Bruce. 
You extend a hand to them shakily. 
-Nice to meet you all. M. Wayne, I...
-Call me Bruce please (Y/N), if he’s using the word “girlfriend” “seriously”, then please, no formal manners between us. 
You nodded weakly, and your heart just didn’t want to stop racing. As you stood in front of him, all stressed and awkward, Bruce remembered the conversation he had with Dick almost six months ago, when you two started dating...
Six Months ago, in the bat cave, one evening right before patrol : 
-Ok, any advices ? 
-You want advices from me ? About dating ? 
Dick looked at Bruce who had an amused look on his face, and shook his head. 
-Yeah, I guess it’s not my best idea. 
The Batman chuckles, and approach his son. He lays his hands on his shoulder and, with a proud smile on his face, says : 
-Dick, I’m probably the last person that can give you advice about this kind of things...But I can tell you that : don’t make the same mistake  I did. If you really like her, even love her, don’t let her go. Life gets awfully lonely at some point, and having someone by your side at all time, someone you can count on...it’s priceless. Fortunately for me I have you and your brothers, but I can’t help but think about what my life would have been had I let some women dear to me into it. 
Bruce’s hand squeeze Dick’s shoulder lightly, and the acrobat can’t help but smile to his adopted father. It stings his heart a bit that that man who gave him a purpose in life, who taught him everything he knew, could ever feel lonely...But on that day, he realized that everything Bruce did for him, it was so he wouldn't be like him. So he wouldn’t make the same mistakes. And it made his guts churned with gratitude for the man. 
He surprised the bat by pulling him into a hug, but was even more surprise when he actually answered the action by hugging him in return...
The Present, Wayne Manor, entrance hall :
Bruce smiled at the memory, and gave you another warm smile, which seemed to relax you a bit. Good, he certainly didn’t want to make you feel awkward. You looked lovely. First, you were very beautiful, he thought. Second, the way you were uncomfortable showed that you really care about what your boyfriend’s family thought of you. And last but not least, Dick was looking at you with such awe, that you could only be a good woman. 
-Let’s go to the living room, get comfortable. 
Dick agreed with his father, and you all went there, while Alfred went to make some coffee and tea, and some cookies he made. 
You sat next  to Dick in a large leather (super comfy) couch. Damian sat next to you, while the other boys and Bruce went to sit in the couch facing yours. 
You were all talking about anything, how you and Dick met ? Was Dick a gentleman ? Were you a native from Gotham ? Where do you live ? What’s your job ? Blahblahblaaaah. 
-On the docks, I was going home, reading a book while walking, like an idiot, and I ran into Richie. Somehow, his odd charm convinced me to let him take me home, because you know, the night was dangerous. He gave me his number, and I...Called back. How can you resist you know ? 
Damian and Tim made some disgusted noise, but calmed down when Bruce glared at them. He briefed them before you came that they should do their best to be nice and respectful, and threatened them enough for them to really try.
-He is indeed a perfect gentleman. It’s weird at times, really, I’m used to men catcalling me and stuffs, not holding the door for me and such. 
They laughed. Yes, Gotham was full of pigs. But occasionally, if you were lucky, you could fall on a Richard Grayson and his perfect gentlemen manners that made you suspicious at first. No one could be that perfect...And yet. 
-I’m from Gotham yes, born and raised. I live in the Narrows...
As you revealed where you lived, you shifted awkwardly in your seat. You were faced with some of the richest people in Gotham, Hell, in the World, and you were telling them that you were coming from the shittiest place in the entire city...But Bruce reassured you quickly with a warm smile. He didn’t give a damn about where you were from, or if you had any money. 
-Oh and I work as a teacher, in an orphanage in the Narrows. 
Bruce smiled at you again. You were a teacher in an orphanage. Of course.
During the entire conversation, the youngest Wayne was staring intently at you with a somewhat aggressive look on his face, and your awkwardness started to shift into a mild annoyance. What was his problem ? So you stared back. Damian looked away and blush. A sudden silence installed itself. You suddenly felt very self-aware that now, they were all staring at you. More stunned than anything else. 
-Hum...Have I...Have I done something wrong ? I’m so sorry I...
Jason laughed, and they all quickly followed, under Damian’s muderous gaze. Dick reassured you, an arm wrapped around your shoulders. 
-No no baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just...not a lot of people can make Damian Wayne look away in shame, let alone make him blush. 
You turned to face the boy, and realized that he was as red as a tomato. His arms were crossed on his chest, and he was clearly vexed. You felt bad for him. 
-Oh I’m...I’m sorry Damian -you turned to the other men- It’s just that he was staring at me as if I just committed a terrible crime, and I couldn’t help but staring right back you know. 
Your intense gaze, the one that turned on (and scared) Dick so much. It worked on most people. Though they were usually just scared or embarrass. And in Damian’s case, given the fact he was about eleven, it was probably just the latter. 
They all laughed some more, and Jason and Tim teased their little brother relentlessly. Everything was going really well, as you talked some more, made them laugh with your jokes, and even made Damian smile a few time etc etc...They were all very happy Dick found a girl like you. Especially since you just casually dropped that you knew what they were doing at night, and thought it was very cool and that Gotham needed them. Literally, you said it as if it was not a big deal, and you really thought it wasn’t...and in this instant, Dick knew he was hopelessly in love with you. 
Bruce approved. Liking your wits. Appreciating the fact that you treated him as a normal person, and not just as billionaire Bruce Wayne (or Batman). Passed the initial awkwardness of meeting your boyfriend’s father, you really build a very good relationship with him, almost a father/daughter bond being created between the two of you. After this first encounter, you somehow convinced him to let you in their night activities, saying you were great with computer, and could help monitoring things from the bat cave...He thought you were just the perfect one for Dick, and hoped with everything in him that it would last between the two of you, because all he ever wanted for the boy was for him to be happy. And definitely not like him...
Jason also approved. He liked that you weren’t of him in the slightest, even after knowing what he did. And he just liked the fact that you were making his brother very happy. Dude’s deserved it. Didn’t stop him though, from making Dick jealous because he just kept shamelessly flirt with you. 
Tim definitely approved. You were smart, never called him a nerd, and your obsession for coffee spoke to him on a spiritual level. He was kinda jealous of his brother...kinda, because he was mostly happy for him. You were great, perfect for Dick. You two were just so complementary and such. 
Damian eventually approved of you. He never won a “stare contest”, and that frustrated him...but it also made him love you somehow. You knew he was very close from Dick, and did everything possible to show him that, no, you weren’t taking his brother away from him at all, and if he wanted to spent time just with him, you could totally fuck off for a bit. It greatly reassured him. 
Alfred. Oh Alfred. Of course he loved you. He was so glad he wasn’t the only one anymore to be super sassy with the Wayne boys. 
In a not so far away future, when Dick would ask them if he should propose to you or not, they’d all say yes. And the youngest brother would add, a sly smile on his face  : 
-She’s too good for you.
It’d earn him a small hit in the ribs, and a lot of laughter. 
3K notes · View notes
pickupthepen · 5 years
Text
Grateful
There’s always that thing when I’m writing something new. That “thing” pretty demonstratively says “things” to me like “don’t say it in that way” and “make that different”. It thinks about the people that I don’t want to read this and wonder certain things about me. Specific people, yes. It thinks about the people that I do want to read this and think that I have finally figured it out. What if I mentioned that person’s name? What if I told you the truth about that story about that thing that wasn’t as cool or dramatic as I would like you, specifically, to believe when you read it? What if I kept out the details that were actually wild, dark and uncomfortable? How am I ever going to write something worth reading if everything I put down is contrived bullshit?
I do it in private, too. I write words with my pen, in my journal, that I know I’ll never let your eyes touch, and I still alter what I put down. This makes me think of my gratitude lists. What happens when I tweak them to make it seem like I have a lot of great things going on, instead of the things that I am genuinely, honestly grateful for. Every day, I write down in a little booklet that my ex gave me (I crossed her name out where she said “To Casey with love”. Lie. I crossed out the word “love”). What happens when the surprise that I write is that I saw someone I haven’t seen in a while, and not that I forgot something at work and it took me by surprise to have to deal with the aftermath of my mistake? What happens when I write that I was surprised that the sunset was orange today, and not that a friend looked at me and cried, and I experienced a new moment of compassion that actually surprised me, and I cried back? What happens when I don’t give my words everything inside of me?
They’re fucking lame. 
So- to get back on track with you, I want you to know that if you’re reading this, no matter who you are, you will read the same words whether you are my family member, my friend that sits close, my friend that I watch from afar, an actual spiritual or professional adviser of mine, a person that I want to think some thing about me, a person that I don’t a give a shit what you think, a coworker, someone I barely know, someone I don’t know, or someone that I want to know in all ways. And what you will get is the truth, as if you weren’t reading my words at all. All of this started so that I could break the harness around myself that keeps me in the dark from you- that gets to accuse you of thinking you know me when you “absolutely cannot”. So if it concerns you in any molecular way: this is my annual release.
To you: 
I did write a gratitude list tonight. I was panicking about my world that seriously feels like it’s crumbling around me and I remembered that sometimes counting up the good things is a great way to shift my gaze from all that is dissolving to all that is left. But it begged the question of how earnest I am approaching these “lists”. 
I’m not grateful for coffee- I just like it... a lot. I’m not grateful for music and concerts. I am genuinely grateful for my friends- but not all of them. I’m grateful for the real ones- the ones that stick around when who I am is not pretty. I’m not grateful for having the things that people tell me are the “wonderful things”. Sure, I get to travel a lot, but you don’t see the nights that I cry in my hotel room because I am so deeply lonely. Yeah, I have a home base in California, but I miss my brother. Mhmm, I have the means to dress nicely and eat white table lunches with fancy friends, but sometimes all I crave is to be eating Chinese food on the couch with my best friend while I bat away her big eyed black cat. You- I wonder if you understand that not all is as it seems. 
Most of the time, I’m not even grateful for sobriety, and yet it hits the last line every single day. But you know what? Being able to enjoy a glass of wine with my mother on a rainy Sunday afternoon sounds fucking fantastic, and I can’t do it. Not having to wake up and declare how I will be of service to others sounds really relaxing. Not having to meditate and pray to a Universe I don’t understand seems more “normal”, but I do it every day. And no, it’s not because I think that an awakened life is more magical than a glass of wine on a Friday night- it’s because if I have that glass of wine I will inevitably attempt to destroy myself, so I do this so I can keep surviving, because I still believe that I want to survive more than I want to escape. And it’s not more complicated or honest than that. A glass of red wine and I cannot coexist, and in some moments, that is nothing but sad. And you, if you believe that it isn’t true that people like me burn in the fire of alcohol’s blaze if we come close, I wonder if you’re as blind as those who believe that existing in a world as an “other” is inherently superior, and that this is never to be questioned. 
I’m not grateful that I’m wandering alone again. I guess I am happy to have an opportunity to explore a familiar new world of unknowing and curiosity, confusion, potential, but how many times in the past year did I forget to acknowledge that running around as a young, single woman, away from her family with no real home and no real sense of stillness is terrifying? How many times did I write in my book that a blank slate sometimes seems as white and as bleak as purgatory? Even though I wasn’t courageous enough to write it down- it’s why I went back to that old love over and over. I’m not grateful to her for releasing me- I’m not ready to give that to her yet. I’m not comfortable with the idea that when we finally walk away from the pieces of glass on the floor, bloodied and cut, despite all the help we receive, the walk is taken alone and the person who promised to walk beside us doesn’t come. I’m not grateful for all endings, because although I do understand that insufficiency must end to begin moving toward the greater good, it’s an awfully big pill to swallow to come to terms with the fact that we can love someone to the depths of our core, and they can leave whenever they want, for whatever reason they want, and they owe us nothing. Damn. And you, if you don’t already understand that not only is it inevitable that we carry pieces of these things with us, and that it is perfectly fucking fine, I beg of you to entertain the notion that maybe grief and rage live in our rib cage longer than we’d nobly expect, that it’s not always a choice, and perhaps there is nothing to be done about it- especially not feeble attempts at being grateful for the “bright side”. 
I’m not grateful that I spend most weekends attempting to catch up on work that slipped between my fingers during the week. I’m not grateful that sometimes my best attempt at getting freedom is to spend money to do something fun and then allowing my internal dictator to sentence punishment for having spent money that could have been better placed in something more reasonable. I’m not always grateful for reason, and I do not believe being reasonable is the superior virtue as a rule. I also do not believe that I am somehow less capable of living a sustainable, fulfilling life because the practical elements of this world aren’t as interesting to me as the fantastical ones. I’m not grateful that I practice countless hours every week in therapy, in twelve stepping and in spirituality and purpose, and the road keeps revealing itself to be windier and longer and steeper. I’m not grateful for the hard curves because they’re supposed to somehow make the exciting peaks more justifiably exhilarating. I don’t think that I have to be grateful for the things that are dismal, sludgy and lonely, because they, according to someone, mean something positive about this life. In a matter of fact, blunt way, life is sometimes unforgiving and cruel, and that’s that. But now I’m in dark imaginings, so now I will make one more attempt at being truly honest. This is my very long winded approach at telling you what I have been grateful for today (or the shittiest, chattiest gratitude list you’ve ever gotten), and maybe, because I adore you so very much, I’ll tell you the truth.
I am grateful for:
1. My best friend. Hey Caroline, if you’re reading this, I’m not fucking sorry that you’re right on the top. I’m grateful that I can express adoration at every whim, and my love is received and reciprocated, if even with a joke. This is a friendship that was born in solidarity and one moment of vulnerability, and I’m fucking grateful that as years pass and after countless phone calls, missed phone calls, conversations in parking lots, tears, wheezing laughter, commitment, dedication, and really weirdly unconditional love, I’m only more sure that I was supposed to know you, and that you were supposed to know me, too. Even if there may be no such thing as the divine or fate, then I am at peace because I have luck... and I have you.
2. Freedom- that I reserve the right to make any choice I want, and that there are always choices to be made. Being “stuck” is an illusion. There is always another way. There is always another job, another home, another love, another friend, another place to leave and another place to arrive, and the choices we make to go here and there, they know no limits in time or quantity. I can change my mind whenever I want, and when the moment is right, or not quite right yet, or really wildly wrong, I can make whatever choice I think I need to make, and ALL will be well with me, with you, and with the world around us. Eventually at least.
3. That I don’t know shit- that I can’t actually tell the future. That every day I could actually be shattered by surprise- good or bad. And not that I don’t still want to read your tarot cards (I kind of don’t, but I will if it’s important to you), but a deck of cards can’t predict that you’re going to get a raise next month, and writing a relationship ideal can’t actually manifest the perfect dude with perfect eyes that understands everything about you, and writing a list of all your fears won’t protect you from encountering them, and thinking about all the things you want and don’t want won’t change what you fuckin’ get. Meditation can’t force you to have zero reaction at work next week when that problematic man ridicules you in front of your team, or next month in the middle of a Saturday run because grief for lost friends doesn’t send warnings when it wants to swallow you whole. You will be surprised- there are things coming that will bring you joy that you have never known, and there are things coming that will just shy of kill you in every possible way, and you don’t know anything about when or why or how. If that’s not beautiful, lovely and exciting, then what fucking is?
4. My people- I cannot express my bewilderment at the actual fact that I have friends that not only understand what type of human being I am in every city in the United States that I have visited, but that they understand because they are like me. They seek me out in the same way I seek them. We are looking for the same companionship. It’s fucking magical to miss the girls in San Antonio that I met years ago. It’s wildly lovely to be able show up for tacos in Denver with those who I have known since I arrived in this place, and to feel like I’ve been here the whole time. It’s unimaginable to me that friends in San Francisco call when I’ve been gone and ask that I come home, because I’m missed. And how could I express enough gratitude when I show up to dinner in Atlanta after having my heart broken, because the ones that gave me a home and life when I crawled to their door still remember how much we love each other? I can’t, but I’ll try. 
5. My love- the way I love you. The way I love this life. The way I love my friends so purely, for every flaw and magical piece of each of their souls. The way I love my brother, and how I adore everything that he is. The way I love dogs, art, and seeing people laugh until they cry. I’m grateful for the fact that I long for those that I love, and when I finally reunite with them, I embrace them with my mind, my heart and my arms. I am grateful, not ashamed, for the way I love in romance and friendship- it’s a love that is accepting, forgiving, vulnerable, and a little outlandish. And although I’m not exactly grateful for the ones who left, or the ones who took advantage of the painstaking way I fight for the love between us, I am grateful to know that every time I choose to open the doors again, my capacity has not dwindled or lessened in quality, and I am only ever more generous with what I have to give, more in touch with everything that I feel, and more in love with my own lovely little heart. I am sorry, though, to everyone who I beg to play with my hair. Actually, no, I’m not. Play with my hair.
5. Robi Feliz Saphyra- Every single day, I am remembered, and I remember her.
6. Second chances- but hear me out. It’s not about the promises or being present. It’s not about being a better person or not being a shit show anymore, it’s not even about survival- I’d be mirroring a message from others if I were to say that were true for me, and that’s not what I’m here for. It’s about that bonus round that Norman talks about. When I sat in that cold chair in the church that first Monday night, I had no idea that I was actually pressing the “reset” button. I genuinely anticipated not surviving my twenties, and with good reason. That room was the last corner on the block for me and the dead body I dragged in there, and everything, everything, magical and wonderful and wild that I count of importance has happened between that night and now. 
In this second life, I have known a pain that is richer than any I have ever experienced, and a joy that is deeper than any I ever thought I could. I have learned what it means to be a spiritual being, to be an artist, to have a true friend, and to be a true friend. I have begun a lifetime of healing and thriving. This bonus round has given life and rebirth to the woman I was always meant to be, and I’m not only grateful to have evaded a hopeless future, but that angels in the form of the women who surround me have kept me safe and taught me how to walk again. 
7. Last, I am grateful for you. This is my midnight flare- a signal that wonders if anyone else has ever felt the same- if anyone else is out there. And if there’s any chance that you’ve stumbled into this weird, crazy fucking blog of mine, then you’ve caught the flame. I’m grateful that in this moment, wherever you are,  however the time and whatever it is that makes you tick or is eating you alive, we’re here, you and I, and that’s all that there is. 
Best wishes.
0 notes
itsallavengers · 7 years
Note
Steve/Tony number 91 (“Tell me you need me.”) if you're still accepting these
(This got long, so I had to put it under a read more.)
“Tell me you need me.”
The words punctured through their angry silence like a knife slashing through a tire, and Tony’s head shot up from where it had been staring at the table in order to look over at Steve in surprise.
Of all the things he’d expected Steve to say, that certainly hadn’t been it. 
“I…what?” Tony asked, momentarily forgetting his fury in order to stare at Steve in confusion.
They were in the middle of a fucking screaming match. Steve had just been yelling about how he was sick of Tony, and Tony had been yelling right back, harder and sharper and more furious, because they always had to try and fucking one-up one another, they always had to have the last word. You didn’t ask that in the middle of something like this.
And so Tony immediately knew that something was wrong.
“Tell me… just… you know what, fucking forget it, I don’t care-” Steve waved it off, shaking his head and clenching his jaw as he turned his back again and leant over the tabletop.
And god- Tony wanted to just let it go, like Steve was telling him to. He wanted to get back to the screaming; he wanted to ask why the hell Steve had been so rude and cold and distant over the past few weeks; why he’d chosen to drive off to fucking Washington on their goddamn anniversary and leave Tony with nothing more than a note to apologise for it.
But Tony’s brain was fast; it was his goddamn curse sometimes, but it meant he could connect dots pretty quickly, and in the space of a few seconds he was meticulously breaking down all the events over the past few weeks, working out the source, finding the root of the problem in the same space of time as it would take a person to click their fingers.
“Three weeks ago. We were fighting Loki again. You disappeared for a few minutes,” Tony said quietly, and he watched as Steve stiffened minutely under his gaze, and knew he was on the right track.
“What did he show you,” he eventually said, crossing his arms and standing up straighter.
(read more// beware mobile users!)
“Oh, just fuck off and leave it, Tony,” Steve said, but it lacked the anger of before, and now it just sounded resigned. Tired. Sad.
“What the fuck did he show you, Steve,” Tony hissed.
There was a tight silence, and then, “nothing I didn’t already know.”
Tony sighed irritably, but his anger was beginning to be clouded with something more similar to worry now, and damn Steve for making him like this; damn him for forcing him to worry when he should just be allowed to be furious.
“He told you something, or showed you something, or- I don’t fucking know, maybe he’s fucking possessing you- but whatever it was, Steve, you need to clue me the fuck in, because I’m stood here and I assure you I’m not dropping this until you-”
“He showed me what life would have been like without me,” Steve cut in, whipping around and turning to face Tony, hands clenched so tightly that the knuckles were stark white. “He showed me what your life would have been like without me, Tony, and you know what? It wasn’t any fucking different. Not one bit. Aside from the fact that I wasn’t a part of it, absolutely nothing had changed.”
There was yet another silence, but this one was weighted with shock, rather than anger. It was only broken when Steve spoke up again. 
“My whole… I’m pointless. I don’t need to be here, Tony. Everyone else could have filled in my roles in life. I made absolutely no difference- i didn’t invent shit, I didn’t single-handedly save the world, it barely even looked like I had a damn effect on your life-”
“Shut the fuck up, Steve,” Tony jerked wildly, hand slicing through the air and cutting him off, furious all over again. “Shut the fuck up, okay? If you say another word I am seriously walking the fuck out of here.”
Steve just stared at him, jaw clenched stubbornly and eyes hard- but so much sadder than Tony had realised before.
“Do you have any idea how angry it makes me that you could fucking believe that bullshit, even for a single second? Are you out of your God-forsaken mind? Did Clint accidentally shoot your fucking brains out? What the fuck is wrong with you! Steve, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even fucking be here! And not just because you saved me from fuck only knows how many shots and explosions and aliens, because you saved me from my goddamned self, you bastard!” Tony screamed, his fist slamming on the table and cracking through the room.
Steve looked slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst, and his eyes were a little wide as he looked at Tony, out of breath and staring murderously back at him.
“Do you even… did it even occur to you for a second that Loki was just.. y’know, lying? Steve, fuck you, I love you so much it burns me, you fucking idiot- you’ve saved so many people and changed so many lives. Without you, HYDRA would have taken over humanity. Without you, the Avengers would have no one to lead them. Without you, I’d probably have just jumped off the fucking roof a damn long time ago. But nope, none of that matters, because motherfucking Piece of Shit Loki Laufeyson must be telling the truth, right?”
Another brittle laugh, and then, “You ask me to ‘tell me you need me’, but I don’t. i don’t need you. In the same way heroin addicts don’t need another fix, or I don’t need a coffee in the morning. I don’t fucking ‘need’ you- but I sure as hell wouldn’t know how to survive without you.”
He took a deep breath, and then when that failed to calm him, he settled with grabbing the nearest mug and throwing it across the room, trying to expel all his anger out in the shards that flew out from impact. “Steve. I love you more than I ever thought I could ever love anything or anyone, and I will for the rest of my life. And I fucking hate you for making me say that right now. After everything you’ve done. After you fucking hurt me, continuously, for three shitty weeks, because you let some shitass trickster get in your head.”
Tony kept his eyes fixed on the table, and wished there was another mug to throw. There wasn’t- so he turned away.
Steve caught his arm.
“i thought it was real. I did, and I…” Steve stumbled over the words, quiet and frantic and pleading, apparently finally realising his mistake.
“And you thought that you could just randomly start pulling away from a three year relationship because you thought I didn’t need you in the first place,” tony finished for him, his voice unable to keep from cracking toward the end.
“Yes. Tony…I’m so sor-”
“Don’t,” Tony pulled out of Steve’s grip and turned his back, so Steve couldn’t see the traitorous red of his eyes. “You made me worried sick, you shit. I thought you were cheating, I thought you were bored of me, you missed our goddamn anniversary, do you know how fast my heart fell to my fucking shoes when i read that note, asshole-”
Shit. He was crying properly, now, and Steve sounded like he was struggling for air too, as he stumbled forward and reached blindly for Tony’s hand. “I know, Tony, I know, and I’m so sorry, I thought it was what you wanted, please-”
“What I wanted? How could you-” He couldn’t finish, his throat wouldn’t work; and he was still trying to pull away but it was weak, and Steve was on his knees, fingers shaking as they curled around Tony’s waist, whispering broken apologies into Tony’s stomach, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I love you, I’ll make it up to you, I’m sorry baby, please-”
“I… I know you are,” Tony whispered, the fight draining out of him as he let his knees buckle, knowing Steve would catch him.
Because that’s what they did. They screamed and threw mugs and spewed venom at one another, declaring they were finished or they hated one another.But it was bullshit. If Tony fell, Steve would always be there. Without hesitation.
As soon he’d dropped, he was being pulled into Steve’s arms, wrapping tightly around him in a way he hadn’t felt properly for almost a month, and had missed like the air he breathed.
“I’ve got a lot of making up to do, haven’t I?” Steve said quietly, kissing Tony’s hair, and then his cheeks, and then his eyelids, moving across every inch of Tony’s face with a gentle press of lips.
“You have no idea,” Tony mumbled, and he remembered as he rested against Steve’s chest that the last time he’d had a proper sleep was about four days ago. 
He was really tired. Not to mention emotionally drained.
“I’ll do it,” Steve promised fiercely, gripping Tony’s waist and rocking them back and forth, “I swear I’ll make it up, and I’ll book us a whole week away if you want, to make up for our anniversary- we can get the best hotel you want, have a candle-lit meal and everything, and then I’ll take you back to our room and lay you on the silk sheets and-”
He glanced down. Tony was asleep in his arms.
“Oh, baby,” he whispered sadly, knowing that Tony probably hadn’t slept well ever since steve had started acting like the world’s shittiest boyfriend, three weeks ago now.
He shut his eyes and pushed the guilt down for a moment in order to scoop Tony up and begin carrying him out of the room, feeling the beautiful sense of familiarity and home that he’d been missing for weeks now.
“I don’t care what you think- I certainly need you,” Steve told him, kissing his forehead.
229 notes · View notes
Text
I is for Idiots
Wait, what? What is this? Another chapter? A prompt update? Help! Someone has obviously kidnapped the real author and replaced her with an alien who is actually productive!
Ahem. Anyway, here’s a chapter about Kid and Killer being idiots who don’t communicate! Enjoy!
Author: fangirlwonder (wordsandwonder on AO3)
Pairing: Kid/Law
Prompt: Idiots
Rating: Teen, but only for swearing and stuff, I don’t know I’m bad at rating
Unbeta’d
Being in his old room was weird for Kid. After all, he’d made a lot of memories in here. The carpet was still speckled with grease spots where he’d tinkered with various car parts without laying anything down to catch spills or drips. Posters featuring scantily clad women posing provocatively with muscle cars were still stuck to his walls with thumbtacks. Even after he was long gone, his mom hadn’t changed a thing. This was the first room he actually had to himself since Bonney was born, in the first decent house he’d even lived in. He’d spent countless hours flipping through car magazines and reading how-to manuals at that desk. He’d lost his virginity on that twin bed, and it still squeaked like crazy every time he moved around too much on it. But the thing that was currently giving him pause as he packed up his things was the old, battered shoe box he’d just found in his closet. He hadn’t really thought anything of it when he pulled it out. He was a notorious pack-rat, so it wasn’t the first random box he’d come across, and he wasn’t anything particularly exciting or important to be in it.
He was wrong.
Once he cleared the disgustingly thick layer of dust off the lid he could see the messy, faded lettering scratched onto it that read: Kid and Killer’s Time Capsule. Do Not Open For 10 Years!
He remembered making this thing, though he couldn’t quite picture what he’d put in there. Knowing how he and Killer were at thirteen-years-old, he guessed there was probably at least one porn magazine, and probably a bunch of dumb crap with absolutely no explanation. Curious, he began to lift the lid, but something stopped him before he could open it fully. This wasn’t just his, it was his and Killer’s.
And just where the fuck was that asshole, anyway?
He’d been awake for four weeks now, and out of the hospital for one of them. And he knew Killer had been to visit him almost every day when he was in that coma, because Law told him as much. At first, he’d been too thankful that Killer had come out of the fire pretty much unscathed, aside from a concerning amount of smoke inhalation, to be upset at not seeing him. Then he’d been too distracted with therapy and adjusting to life with a prosthetic to think about the absence of his best friend. But when he started searching for apartments he’d tried to call the blonde and see if he wanted to room together again and it had gone straight to voicemail, and Killer never called him back. So now Kid was simultaneously worried and pissed as hell. For all he knew Killer had complications after getting out of the hospital and was really sick. Or maybe he blamed Kid for the fire. Kid knew that Killer was bad with open flames and should be kept to prep work only in the kitchen if there was a gas stove, yet he still left Killer in charge of cooking rice for his anniversary dinner and went to take a nap. How could he have been so careless? The man had lit his own shorts on fire for fuck’s sake.  Kid wouldn’t blame him at all if Killer resented him.
But the bastard could still have the decency to at least call.
“Eustass? Dare I ask what that poor shoebox ever did to you to deserve such a look?” Law asked from the doorway. His tone was as monotone as ever, but his eyes were slightly concerned as looked at his boyfriend.
It was only then that Kid realized he was gripping the box so tight he was crushing it a little, and that he was glaring fiercely at Killer’s messy writing.
“This fucker,” he muttered, tossing the box onto the bed and standing abruptly to put distance between it and himself. “What the fuck, you know?”
Law arched an eyebrow at him. “Unfortunately, I do not know, Eustass. Perhaps you could elaborate?”
“He’s my best friend. He’s been with me through some of the shittiest parts of my life, and now I don’t hear from him? No call back? Not even a fucking text? What the fuck is up with that? If he’s pissed at me about the fire he could at least say so, right? I mean, fuck.”
“You could always reach out to him again,” Law suggested.
“Nah, forget it. Whatever. He’s a grown ass man, he can do whatever the fuck he wants. If he doesn’t want me in his life anymore then … then … whatever.” To his horror, Kid could feel a lump growing in his throat and his eyes burning. Because pissed or not, the idea of Killer not wanting to ever talk to him again was … painful.
“I’m sure Mr. Killer wants you in his life. Everyone handles stressful situations differently; perhaps he’s just trying to give you space.”
“I appreciate you trying to help, Law, but you don’t know Killer. This isn’t how he copes or whatever,” Kid explained tiredly. “Let’s just … let’s just forget it. I’m almost done sorting through this shit. Those boxes over there can go to Goodwill or somewhere, if you wanna load them in the car.”
Law looked like he wanted to say something more, but he refrained (to Kid’s relief) and simply picked up the nearest box. “Alright then. I’ll take these to a drop-off.”
“Thanks, Law.”
The doctor nodded once and left, leaving Kid alone with his box full of memories.
++++
“Oh no, please, no one else bother. I’ll get it. Not like I was sleeping or anything,” Kid yelled crankily as he went to answer the insistent knocking on the front door.
Al didn’t even bother to look away from the TV show he was watching with his wife. “It’s probably just that bible salesman that keeps coming around. Can’t seem to take no for an answer,” he reasoned with a shrug.
“So tell him you’re perfectly happy worshiping Satan or something,” Kid spat, yanking the door open a bit more aggressively than was strictly necessary. “Look, we don’t want any … oh. Uh, hey man.”
Killer shifted uncomfortably on the porch, his eyes moving quickly away from Kid’s prosthetic and fixing pointedly on his feet. “Hey Kid.”
Fuck. Killer looked like shit. Since Kid had last seen him the blonde had definitely lost weight, making his eyes look a little too big in his face, and his hair seemed thinner and more disheveled than he usually kept it. He was pale too, except for the twin spots of red burning on his cheekbones. Honestly he looked like a shrunken down shell of the man Kid knew, and Kid hated it.
“Well hey, c’mon in. It’s good to see you,” he said finally, stepping back and gesturing for the man to come inside.
“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”
The previously occupied living room was suspiciously empty when Kid led his friend into it. Almost like his sneaky ass family knew it wasn’t a fucking bible salesman at the door. He’d yell at them about that later. Right now he had a very uncomfortable looking Killer to deal with.
“So, uh, how ya been?” Kid asked awkwardly after the two had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.
“Huh? Oh, uh, not bad. You know, just working a lot. How’ve you - I mean, how’re … uh …” Killer trailed off and stared intently at his hands, frowning deeply.
“Okay man, let’s cut the crap. What the fuck is up with you? I don’t hear from you for almost a month and then you show up on my doorstep unannounced looking like shit? Are you drinking again? What’s the deal?”
Killer didn’t lift his gaze from his lap, and Kid had to lean forward to hear his reply. “I just … I came to say I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly.
“You’re … sorry?” Kid asked blankly. “What - I mean … why?”
“Why?” Killer repeated incredulously, finally looking up at his friend. “Why? Because I almost fucking killed you! Because you almost died saving my life all because I’m a stupid fuck who can’t even make fucking rice, apparently, without burning the fucking house down!”
“Killer, it was an accident,” Kid began, perplexed by Killer’s sudden outburst.
“No, Kid, don’t do that. Don’t say that like it makes it okay. You were in a fucking coma. We didn’t know if you’d wake up! You … you lost your …” Killer’s eyes flicked to Kid’s arm as he drew a shaky breath. “You lost your arm because of me. It’s my fault. I-“
“Wait, no. Shut up a minute.”
Killer’s mouth snapped shut in surprise at Kid’s suddenly rough tone.
“Is this why you didn’t come see me? Why you didn’t call me back? Because you blame yourself for the fire? Because you feel guilty? Well fuck that, Killer. Like, seriously fuck that. That fucking sucks.”
“But how could I possibly face you after-“
“The better question is how could you possibly think I’d blame you? That’s just fucking stupid.”
“But you lost-“
“Killer, you idiot. You think I would rather lose you than my fucking arm? Because that’s fucked up. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, you know? Look, that fire was an accident. It coulda just as easily happened cuz of me. And this?” Kid gestured to his prosthetic. “I don’t blame you at all for this.”
“You’re not … mad?” the blonde asked hopefully.
“Mad? Dude, fuck yeah I’m mad. Are you kidding me? I’m fucking furious.” Killer shrunk back as if Kid had punched him, but the redhead didn’t give him a chance to apologize again. “I’m fucking pissed that you avoided me. I was fucking worried about you, man. Law told me you were okay, but still, when I didn’t hear from you even after I got out of the hospital? That sucked. I’m pissed that you’re obviously not taking care of yourself, too. You look like shit right now. I didn’t fucking save you from that fire for you to let guilt eat you alive, so what the fuck? If you’re gonna come over here all sheepish and shit to apologize you can apologize for not taking care of yourself. You can apologize for not visiting, or calling. But don’t fucking apologize for the fire, man. Don’t apologize that I pulled you out, because no matter what I lost I’m sure as hell not sorry that I did it.”
To Kid’s surprise, his speech made Killer’s lips twitch into a small smile. “Yeah, Law said you’d say that,” he admitted quietly.
“Law?”
“Yeah, when he tracked me down and all but kicked my ass for avoiding you.”
“Huh. And when exactly did he do that?” Kid asked, slumping back in his seat. He wasn’t sure at what point in his little tirade he’d leaned forward and clenched his fist, but he was feeling a little stupid for it now. He’d sounded like his damn mom.
“Yesterday.”
So basically right after Kid had ranted about being pissed and hurt that Killer was avoiding him. That sneaky bastard.
“So … you’re really okay, then?” Killer asked tentatively.
“Yeah, I’m actually doing really well. Packing up all my shit right now cuz I’m about to move in with Law.”
“Wow, congrats. That’s a big step.”
“Yeah,” Kid agreed absently. “I tried seeing if you wanted to room together again, you know.”
Killer had the decency to look ashamed. “Yeah, sorry. I was just …”
“Yeah, yeah. Well, you got a place at least?”
The blonde nodded. “It’s a shitty little studio, but it’s real close to the shop, which is nice. And the rent is cheap so I’m not complaining.”
“Cool. So …”
“Yeah?”
Kid’s expression turned stern. “You calling your sponsor or am I? And don’t you dare try to tell me you’re not drinking. I’ve been around long enough to know the fucking signs.”
Killer heaved a sigh. “I’ll call him.”
“Good.” They sat in silence for a moment before Kid remembered the box he’d found the day before. “Hey, you wanna see something?”
“Uh … sure?”
“Come with me.” Kid led his friend to his room and gestured for him to take a seat on the bed as he fished the box out from the closet again.
“Man, being back here brings back memories, huh?” Killer murmured, looking around at the posters fondly.
“Yeah,” Kid agreed. “And speaking of memories, check this out.”
Killer took the box curiously, turning it so he could read the message. “Oh shit, our time capsule. How old were we when me put this thing together?”
“Thirteen. You wanna open it? It’s been ten years.”
For the first time in far too long Killer gave Kid a genuine smile. “Yeah. Hah … kinda excited to see what our treasures used to be.”
“Ten bucks says there’s porn in there,” Kid challenged jokingly.
Killer laughed. “Alright, you’re on. Let’s open this bad boy up.”
16 notes · View notes
arttotravel-blog · 6 years
Text
Dear Philippines,
where should I start? It’s been a rough and bumpy year for the two of us. A whole lot of new experiences, heat, realizations about this world, cockroaches, rice, conversations and bliss. When I tell people I went to live in the Philippines for one year, they associate dreamy beaches, nice weather and colorful fruit – holiday mainly:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Then they sigh and say: lucky you! An it’s true, I am very lucky. Not only because I got to see those paradise like places, but because of so much more you have to offer. What most people cannot imagine though, is that most of the time I spent with you, I spent in dirt, in traffic, hunting cockroaches and rats or in front of my fire place.
ARRIVING
Your first lesson for me was to learn how to live from day to day. It was a jump in at the deep end, because there was no way I could continue my efficient, planning lifestyle with out a fridge or even a water boiler. I would go to the market everyday to buy food and charcoal. It is impossible to conserve food because of the heat on the one hand and insects on the other hand. Aunts would somehow always find their way into my plastic boxes. There’s nothing I can do about it. It didn’t take long until I was like: grit your teeth and get to it, and thought of it as extra protein. Lesson number 2 you taught me: some things are out of my control.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Reinhold Niebuhr)
Tumblr media
SURVIVING
The whole insect issue was not really a problem for me. I mean it’s not that I like cockroaches or rats but whatever I do, they’ll always be there. What bothered me more were the thousands of mosquitos. Especially during rainy season I tried hard not to be bidden too often, because I was worried to get Dengue fever. But again it is hopeless, they’ll bite anyway. And in the end it makes sense to ask whether it’s healthier to use Off lotion, which is forbidden to be sold in the EU and is probably carcinogenic, all day long.
UNDERSTANDING
My little sensitivities gave me a hard time in the beginning, but when I started to understand what bothers you all day long, it was worse. I hate to see you broken and weak like this. Manila bursting at the seams, so that you’re people live under the worst circumstances in basically any possible place, even a cemetery (whole article). I hate to have you admiring me for nothing but a huge bit of luck. I hate to know the truth about your missed but earning loved ones, who live abroad in Dubai or Lebanon. And I hate that I don’t have a clue of how to change any of it. On top of all that, the realization that most of your sorrows originate from colonialism. That makes those who you look up to, those who have put you in this situation in the first place.
Tumblr media
Several relicts of Spanish colonialism can be found in Iloilo City
Tumblr media
QUESTIONING
I love and I hate how you sometimes don’t care. The first example that comes to my mind is that huge ship in the port of Iloilo. It’s been laying there for months now and nobody seems to know what has happened to it. But even if it’s completely broken, everything would be more profitable than leaving it there. Oh well, the ship made me laugh every time but in truth it’s very sad. How are you supposed to grow/evolve when you’re not aware of your resources and capabilities?
Tumblr media
GETTING MAD
This leads me to my favorite topic of anger: the rubbish situation. This is the one thing I cannot make you responsible for, yet cannot forgive you. I know you have bigger fish to fry. I just wish you would rudimentarily be aware of what an extraordinary beautiful ecosystem your islands are. Or at least for your own health, stop burning rubbish. I tried my best, but the war against plastic bags is a Sisyphean challenge. I pray that it won’t be too late.
Tumblr media
PUZZELING OVER
Not to begin with the mischiefs in your politics. It would be a lie to say nothing’s in progress in your country. Economical growth is happening in your capital, but the provinces don’t profit. It’s no wonder when local politics have been under the power of one family for decades. I had to realize that one can be dumb without end, as long as there’s money one can always have a career in politics. The whole situation is screaming for change, but how is it to be done? All I know is Duterte cannot be it. I never understood your admiration/the ignorance of what’s happening.
Did somebody say corruption? This makes me think of an anecdote that once happened to me when I wanted to withdraw money. “‘My request could not be processed’, why is that?” I asked the bank’s security guard and he answered with out looking up: “Because of power and corruption…”. The only time I ever got in touch with this stuff was at the immigration office I think. One of my all time favorite places… not. Every time I went there, the prices for my visa extension were different. It sounds funny but it made me angry to pay ridiculous extra fees like “express lane” that change nothing. But again, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
NOT UNDERSTANDING
Your superstitions make me laugh and angry at the same time. How can you seriously believe in spirits, trolls and fairies? How can you be in bondage like that? And where I never got behind: how does all of this fall in line with christianity?
Tumblr media
Visiting a healer on the supposedly enchanted island of Siquijor (full article)
EXPERIENCING
Speaking of your faith: you amazed me. Coming from the least religious place on earth, Eastern Germany, I couldn’t believe how so many – no actually all of you – believe. I have to say you live a strange version of Christianity. From horror stories of people who are voluntarily crucified during easter to celebrations of events that didn’t even happen according to the bible (some islands celebrate the reunion of Jesus and his mother after he was resurrected). Even though I’m convinced that a great part has never ever read a single page of the bible, it was a pleasure to see and feel your spirituality. I found it an interesting experience also regarding my own faith.
CELEBRATING
They call you an americanized piece of Spain, with no culture except what emperors of the past centuries have left with you. But good god, you know how to celebrate fiesta! And even if there’s Lechon (pigling) for every single occasion it doesn’t matter. These events are your own. Even if I can barely finish one plate of food by courtesy, I would always go, because this is you in a nutshell. Fiesta means family, food, hospitality, karaoke, more food and Lechon obviously. I was blown away by Dinagyang festival in January. As much as I hated the beauty contest, I loved the tribe performances.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
On your thousands of islands the party never stops. As much as I regretted every night club visit in Iloilo, I wish back to all the fun nights in Smallville (night life district of Iloilo) or your cozy beach bars.  I mean, what kind of world is it, where rum is cheaper than coke? It was a hell of a New Years Eve in Boracay last year – salamat gid Bryan.
Tumblr media
One year wearing slippers and the shittiest clothes, like grandma-style maxi skirts. It didn’t matter at all, because I would still be “Miss beautiful” for you. And to speak the whole truth: All of them mold anyway.
Tumblr media
Among the things I miss the most, your Jeepneys definitely make the top 3. Regardless if in the front, in the back, on the roof, with chicken between my feet or a 100 year old lollo (grandpa) on my lap – I love riding a jeepney! Jeepneys are a lifestyle. Even though they’re super loud and probably the main polluters, they will always have a special place in my heart. 🙂
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
EATING
Unfortunately I cannot say the same about your food. To summarize this long story of suffering, I’ll just say: you stay under your possibilities. With out doubt the best you have to offer is your fruit. I love all of them and they outclass everything my german super markt offers.
Tumblr media
As the good filipina I am, I love rice a lot even though I gained a lot of weight because of it…
Tumblr media
I would like to take the opportunity to pick the grossest and yummiest you have to offer. Basically I’m a huge fan of your vegetarian dishes like fried eggplant, bitter melon or munggo. Furthermore I would never turn down a sweet sin like a fresh halo halo, banana cue or bibingka.
But as much as I’d like to, I have no understanding why and how you can enjoy a boiled developing duck embryo (balut), boiled pig blood, duck feet or pig intestines. I am more than sure that I ate my lifetime ration of dried and later fried fish. There’s only one question left unanswered: How can you call this buko (coconut) salad?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
TRAVELING
Oh Philippines, you have so much to offer. I will never forget the amazing memories I made when traveling from island to island, discovering your hidden gems. It’s hard to realize though that most of my friends from Iloilo won’t ever be able to see all this.
From the 8th world wonder: the Rice Terraces of Batad
Tumblr media
to the Chocolate Hills and tarsiers of Bohol
to swimming with whale sharks and chasing waterfalls in Cebu
Tumblr media
to diving in Apo Island and Coron
to island hopping and beaching in Siquijor and Palawan
Tumblr media
As off-hook as it sounds, but during the course of visiting all those amazing places, one becomes kind of choosy. One natural wonder trumps the other and in the end it’s the quit and raw places that fascinate the most. I’m in love with all your unpopular paradises left for me to explore, unlike other southeastasian countries.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Iloilo city, you little piece of dirt. Filipinos call you City of Love but I’m afraid you cannot compete with Paris – the “other” city of love -, to be completely honest with you. Quite the opposite, you are kind of the only place that turned out a lot less – or rather not at all – beautiful, looking back. You’re importance is founded on your inhabitants, food places and open air concerts or art galleries you hold. Other than that you actualize the shady sides of urbanization. Among those firstly your terrible pollution, the dirt and waste in general; poverty and slums; waifs, adults throughout the day and drunk at night – to name a few. I’m glad I didn’t live here permanently, but I certainly enjoyed the big city life experience during the weekends. How special is though, to have my buko (coconut) juice lady of trust in a city on the other side of the world?
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Guimaras my love, you are literally what I call paradise. I love you for much more than your mangoes, even though I love them a lot already. [Background information: Guimaras is the neighbouring island of Panay that is said to have the sweetest mangos in the world (full article). Once a year they hold a mango festival to worship them. Read about my mango-all-you-can-eat experience here.] You are a green wonderland, much needed escape, clean air, you are an untouched beauty. Stay the way you are please.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Thank you Philippines, for paving me the way to find eternal piece with me, myself and I and a hammock. The truth lies in the fact that one doesn’t need more than that. With this, a whole different style of traveling opened up to me. I reckon this is your most precious gift to me. I would NEVER have had the courage to hitchhike!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Yes it has a mosquito net! A local friend of mine invented them when traveling his country. They are manufactured by local women in Palawan. Get yours here
Tumblr media
And like it is probably anywhere in the world: there are plenty of acquaintances and a precious hand full of friends. I am so thankful for every minute.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
And of course salamat gid to my SOS family. There are obviously no words. You guys know already.
Tumblr media
LEAVING
It felt weird and rash to leave you, when there was still war going on in Mindanao. When my little village got a bomb threat. When summer had finally ended and water started to run more frequently through my faucet. But really this was the end of my endless summer. It was a time of crisis, when ISIS raged in Marawi, relatives of the local islamists suddenly showed up at the port of Iloilo. When the NPA decided the time had come to take action again and raided the police station of our neighboring village Maasin. And all along I updated myself using foreign media. I didn’t want to feel unsafe on your streets at night, but how was I not to, when nobody had a clue what was going on? Even though I was expecting our foreign office to withdraw us german volunteers any minute for the last couple of weeks, my return flight came earlier than expected. It was hectic, it was emotional and sudden.
Tumblr media
COMING BACK
What I take along with me to “real life” is sadly less than I planned on. That’s how it always goes. Never underestimate the power of habits. But what I keep with me every day is the filipino point of view. Every time I walk the streets, my university or the super market. I cannot help but wonder what a filipino would think right now.
Sex tourism to me, is one of the worst felonies of mankind. The whole problem gets to me on a very personal level, when I see that the perpetrators live right here. Make it stop!
Tumblr media
Even if I could, I wouldn’t change a single thing about our year together. Mahal kita, and: nahidlaw ako gid sa imyo ❤
Tumblr media Tumblr media
PS: Again I cannot help but recommend again everybody to watch this really close up documentary. And this little video by my fellow volunteer Gwen: It is so accurate, it bursted me to tears 🙂
Filipina for one year Dear Philippines, where should I start? It's been a rough and bumpy year for the two of us.
0 notes
canaba · 7 years
Text
so my former best friend of 15 years has been dragging out this fight we had for literally a month, and I've completely given up on it and idk if she even realizes? like basically she's been telling me she’ll address the issue for weeks, and then never actually does claiming that she has no time-- and then i find out she's throwing an actual party, but has been claiming she doesn't have the time to even send me a text. so naturally i call her and call her out on her shit(she wouldn't even pick up the phone at first). Basically we get back into the fight, and (as usual) she claims that she's too stressed and that she “can't do this rn” and hangs up on me (again). She does this literally every time we fight and she seriously just doesn't even realize how selfish she's being by continuing to make me wait to deal with the mess she caused-- purely because she “can't deal with it rn”. So basically at the party she uses our mutual friends like messengers, relaying her replies to me (like a fucking 6th grader?)-- and then hangs up again, promising that she’ll come see me tomorrow and we’ll sort it out. At this point i was like honestly fuck you? I've literally been waiting on you for almost a month and you can't even give me a night? after blowing me off for weeks?? i had pretty much decided that regardless of if she followed through the next day (i was pretty certain she wouldn't) i still wouldn't talk to her cause i just don't want to be friends with someone so inconsiderate and selfish. well anyway the next day rolls around and lo and behold she bails on me yet again. 
and i mean all of this is made infinitely worse by this being my first summer totally unmedicated in a long time, making the last couple months some of the shittiest ever, but it feels like its all sort of culminating now 
 :-) so anyway I'm down to literally two friends and i consider committing myself like every 2 days and this is the worst my life has probably ever been? the only rlly nice part abt this is like I've legitimately weeded out the shitty friends, like I'm at absolute rock bottom rn and i still know who's sticking by me, and I've never been so presently grateful for the friends i still have 
0 notes
Text
“See you laters” are the worst.
I’m not talking about the kind when you go on a trip or won’t being seeing someone close to you for a short time. I mean the kind when you have to say “see you later” to someone you only get to spend a short time with every few (a.k.a. SHIT TONS OF) months. People in long distance relationships will know what I’m talking about, in fact that’s exactly what I’m talking about.
I use the term “see you later” rather than “good-bye” because in my mind good-bye is forever, see you later is more promising in the future. I’m sure many of you have seen things stating the same thing, I like to take it to heart. 
Being a young army wife, our relationship started out pretty much like in the movies (or like you hear about all the in the military community). We started seeing each other seriously just a few weeks before he went to basic in fall of 2015. We already knew we were going to get married at the ages of 17 and 19. That was the first see you later. He lived a town over and since he would have to go through my hometown on his way to MEPS we decided him and I would drive the first 10 minutes (to have some last alone time) and his mom would follow and pick him up there, I couldn’t go with because I had to work. The moment he got out of one car and into the next will forever be imprinted in my memory. I remember thinking how terribly I was going to miss him, I remember crying my eyes out and watching them drive away, never breaking eye contact until they were out of sight. I remember thinking “the next 2 months can’t go by fast enough”, since he would be in basic through Christmas he was able to come home for a couple weeks. It’s funny now how 2 months really doesn’t seem as long as it did then. 8 weeks. 56 days. I remember thinking about how I knew I was going to have to get used to this in the future, and dear God was I right. 
The second see you later was when he came home for Christmas during basic. I was so happy to see him and spend every waking moment with him, we had the time of our lives, we always do. At this point in time we were dead set on getting married after he was out of AIT but we hadn’t announced it yet so his mom wasn’t so happy that we were spending every night together, I was still just 17 and our families like to be “morally correct” like that. But of course we still spent the night together the entire time he was home and when he had to go back he was not taking that 3 hour drive to the airport without me by his side - which his mom wasn’t too happy about that either, so you can imagine how awkward the ride home was. I was able to help myself from crying at the airport when we kissed “see you later”, I think the awkwardness of the circumstance helped me from being overwhelmed at the time being. I thought “this won’t be so hard we’ve done it before and everything was fine, we can do it for another 2 months and then we will be able to talk to each other rather than writing letters! This is cake!”. It was far from that, in fact it was harder. He would tell me how much he missed home, even more than when he first went to basic, and all I wanted to do was give him a hug. It sucked. 
My mother-in-law and I got to go see him graduate basics, that was a fun trip! We only got to see him for 2 days, so I don’t really count that as a “see you later”. I say that because I didn’t have the heart crushing feeling I had the other two times before. It’s like when you go on a vacation on the other side of the world, you have jet lag. It takes a few days to feel it, and then a week or two to get used to it. I was so ecstatic to see him, and since it was for such a short time it was like a really long dream. We didn’t have time for normalcy to set in. We spent those two days just staring at each other and smiling and just enjoying each other’s presence. Plus, he was going to AIT! He was finally going to have the luxury of having his cell-phone! I was more excited about that than sad about the fact we would have to go another 3 months states away form eachother. 
Not too long after getting home from that is when I learned to make time go by literally as fast as I can. It was my senior year of high school (2nd semester) but I graduated a semester early so I could work and just do what ever I want, and that’s exactly what I did. I worked and took classes through the college to pass my time. I got a second job at the high school cafeteria (I thought it was pretty fun serving my classmates...bitches) for a few months, and I just tried as hard as possible to be doing something every waking moment. During this time apart we announce we were engaged! We just used Facebook, and then I decided I should probably tell my parents before they hear it from someone else. It was a fun time. 
In April of that year (2016) my family went on a trip to San Fran to see one of my cousins get married. Just a week after I was going to go see my husband (at the time fiance) graduate AIT! But this time I went by myself. It was just a short trip, I was hoping to spend two days like we did last time, but instead I only got the one day - his graduation day. But I don’t regret going. It was a memory I’ll never forget and I am so proud to say I was there for my husband. So like the time I saw him before, we didn’t have time for normalcy to set in, so I felt like I was in a dream.... a really really amazing dream... 
After I got back home I continued doing the same things I was doing before my trips up until May. My husband was still at Fort Lee where he went to AIT, even though he had graduated already it wasn’t time for him to leave because of orders. In May I still walked across the stage with my graduating class like normal, I was really hoping he would be able to make in for that! But he ‘still wasn’t able to leave’. Well, I had a feeling That he was going to surprise me and sure thing he did! This was another moment in my life that I will forever remember. We were all walking out of the gymn while the procession (I think thats what it’s called) was playing and as soon as I got through the door and was about to turn down the hall I saw my amazing man standing right there! Best. Moment. Ever. He was home for 2 weeks and in that two weeks we got married and just had shit loads of fun. As always. 
But the thing that sucked about it - we would have to say “see you later” again. A-FUCKING-GAIN. He found out when he was in AIT that he was getting stationed in South Korea. Originally we were like “damn that sucks because we can’t be together for a whole fucking year still” then we were like “oh wait we can probably be together families move here all the time” then we were like “fuck he got put on a small base with no housing in a random Korean city, maybe we can get an apartment off base and be together”, well by the time we kinda got things figured out it had been like 4 months so we just thought “fuck it”. This “see you later” was one of the worst ones. Probably because it was more recent and honestly they just keep getting worse. Can you tell I’m getting angry now? Because he was home this time for 2 weeks like in basic, but we had been together much longer now and we were married now! AND I WAS ALREADY SO TIRED OF NOT BEING WITH HIM. We thought after AIT we would finally be able to BE together! It sucked. Like always. Normalcy set in when he was home for that 2 weeks, and honestly it makes saying “see you later” even more difficult. 
By this time, after he got to Korea, I was still trying to make time go by as fast as possible. I loaded up on classes, was no longer working at the highschool so I tried finding another second job - not with much luck as they didn’t fit well with my schedule. I found one but only stayed there for 2 weeks, working as a dairy department stocker at a grocery store. Fucking hated it. I pretty much hated everything by this point in time. Didn’t know when I would see my husband next, unless it would be in a year, then I knew, but that fact made me even more sad.
Luckily he was able to come home about 4 months (give or take) of him being in Korea.He came back for one of his cousin’s wedding. It was amazing having him home again. Of course I couldn’t help but think about how he was going to leave in 2 weeks from then. Then 1 week. Then 4 days. Then tomorrow. Then I’m driving home by myself after dropping him off at the airport. It was a depressing image in my mind and it was depressing when it actually happened. I tried not to think about it when he was home for those two weeks because I found myself being bitter and sad, and that was not the way I wanted to be when my husband was home for only 2 weeks every 3-4 months. I think this was the worst see you later out of all of them. In fact it is the last one so far. I was devastated. I didn’t want to go 7 months with out seeing my husband. That was just too much for me. I could do 4. But not 7. 
Well, I decided I was going to visit him. I was terrified of going by myself so I found a friend to come with! We spent a few months planning it, I decided on February because that would be about halfway between the time he went back from leave and the time he would be done there. That way I wouldn’t have to go more than 4 months with out seeing my husband. It made me feel better. I continued working and doing classes, I even decided to get my own rental house while I was waiting for him to come back to the states! It didn’t last long. My roommates were pretty much the shittiest roommates ever with out actually ruining any of my stuff or being dicks. I partied a lot that 1 month I was there. And by party I mean get drunk and then get upset because I missed my husband and then go to bed. Fun. Times. 
So I moved back in with my mom and it was almost time for my trip to see my husband! My friend and I took the train to Chicago (it was cheapest to fly out of O’hare.. like way fucking cheaper). We got to the airport and it turns out my friend couldn’t come with. He only had a card passport. Couldn’t use it. It was no good. Fuck. So I went by myself! Stayed a night in China because my connecting flight was the next day - terrifying. It was terrifying because I’m cheap and got the cheapest hotel and it was sketch. But I survived and made it to Korea! My husband met me at the airport and we had an amazing time! (Do you see the pattern here?). I couldn’t help myself from thinking about when we will have to say “see you later” again, but I didn’t let it interfere with enjoying being with my husband. I made the trip so I would be in Korea for about two weeks. The glorious but deadly two weeks: long enough to fully enjoy eachother and have the time of our lives, and also long enough for normalcy to set in. You know what is coming now. But the question is: Is it going to be as terrible as the other times, going weeks feeling lonely and sad and crying just trying to keep myself busy, or will I be able to go back to normal? Will this next 3 months of my husband being out of the states go by fast and will we REALLY FINALLY be able to be together after this long ass year?! - I know we will but it just feels like it is inevitable. But I know it’s real. I don’t to be sad and depressed like I usually am after saying “see you later” but I can never help it. And everytime before this seems like it got worse. Will this time be like that too? I think this to myself as I sit here in my hotel in South Korea waiting for my husband to get off work and come see me so we can have our last time together before I go to the airport tomorrow morning. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to live with him and be with him with out knowing when we have to say our “see you laters”. GOD 
P.S. I don’t regret marrying the man I love who is in the military. And I am not mad at him nor the military, I am so so thankful. I just wanted to vent how I feel about missing him. And if you took this post to think I am angry at someone, no, I’m not, I’m just putting my feelings out there.
P.P.S. (or is it P.S.S.???) I also wonder every now and then what it would be like to actually have an army wife friend like me - since I haven’t really been acquainted with this life yet I just don’t know. Does anyone else feel like this? I feel stupid about this but i guess that’s the good thing about not putting my identity out there. 
Bye. 
EDIT: Also I am very thankful that I was able to visit my husband where he was rather than him being on a true deployment. It’s gonna suck when that happens. 
Ok. Bye for good. 
0 notes
skiasurveys · 7 years
Text
i love shows like wife swap and supernanny. my boyfriend buys me cute, random gifts for no apparent reason. i get distracted from things really easily, especially revision. my hair straighteners just broke recently. i probably eat far too much junk food to be healthy. i spend too much time doing completely unproductive things. when my phone battery hits one bar, it goes really quickly. i wake up to good morning texts most days of the week. my boyfriend is hopeless in the mornings. i get randomly addicted to tv boxsets.
my parents don’t know that i’ve ever smoked a cigarette. they don’t really care that i drink alcohol. taking showers really calms me down. i’m really lucky to have certain people in my life. i recently told someone a secret and they accepted it without judging me. i’m one of the few people on tumblr who doesn’t get the obsession with visiting london. and that’s because i only live an hour away from there. i live near cambridge university in england. i go to college/university/school at least two hours away from my parents house. i’ve always wanted to visit japan and new zealand. i have the worst habit of staying up until two or three in the morning doing surveys. another bad habit is checking my phone even though i know it hasn’t gone off. i don’t see the point in wasting money on cigarettes. i don’t even smoke regularly, but i’m happy to bum off my friends if they offer. i have a friend who remained tee-total until they were eighteen. i think eighteen should be the age that it’s legal to drink. it’s ridiculous you can marry at eighteen but not drink at the same age. i watch more tv shows online than i do on the actual tv. my favourite shows right now are big bang theory and two and a half men. i got my first ipod about a year ago. but it doesn’t hold anywhere near enough music for my liking. my main aim in life is to be happy. people always say that i look familiar. always. i’m an organ donor. I freakin’ hate politics. I’m never registering to vote. i have my license : i can’t stand when people delete me off of myspace. i haven’t taken pictures with people in a while. my mother’s actually in a good mood today. i’ve meet a creeper in the past five days. i saw an old friend recently. i’m drinking coca-cola right now. bottled soda is better than the cans. I have a boyfriend<3. my youngest cousin is eight. my family really isn’t that big at all. i want someone in my family to get married soon :). (yeah me lol) i change my desktop picture a lot. I hate being signed into AIM, it gives anyone free access to talk to me. ^ That’s why I usually have an away message up. I pretty much only hangout with guys. i’ve eaten mazarola sticks in the past three days. when i’m drunk, i’ll pee outside. i don’t care who’s around. i’m going to a wedding soon. i can honestly say i have the shittiest luck, ever. i get mad when something doesn’t go my way. I’m wearing shorts right now. i don’t mind traffic. But I hate waiting in lines. i can’t stand screaming kids. my allergies are horrible this time of year. I want to buy a really expensive camera. I’ve never been in an on-off relationship. The longest relationship I’ve been in is 3 months+. (9 months currently) I plan on moving out with my S/O, when we have money n’ stuff. i’m currently texting someone. i hate waiting in the emergency room, takes foreeeever. i’ve given up on fast food. i want the iphone, so bad! a lot of songs remind me of certain people. i don’t have a girl best friend. My best friend is my boyfriend. I had a party on my 16th birthday. My name ends with a consonant. I have a middle name, and I don’t hate it. i’ve been told that i suck at life. I am in love with someone right now. my jewelry is all silver. my favorite color changes with my mood. so does my eye color. i’ve dyed my hair black before. i have screamed like an emokid. my gpa is above 3.5. my favorite color ink is red. I’ve written a note to someone in class. forget school, i hate work! winter time sucks major amounts of ass. i live for football. i have friends in texas. my mother tells me i don’t know the first thing about love. My parents are still married. i have an air freshener in my car. candy is my favorite dessert. Taking pictures is fun. someone i know is fighting for my country. i drink diet drinks, and it bothers the people around me. i am diabetic. there is food within three feet of me at this moment. I have written in purple ink. my birthday is in february. chemistry was/is my favorite science class. i was the fat kid who used to hate gym. the rollercoaster of my life never stops. i know more than five people named mike. my boss hates me. my father doesn’t know anything about me. yoga is fun stuff. i have more than 200 dollars in my wallet right now. i’ve used a credit card. riding dirtbikes is one of my favorite things to do on my days off. oprah is my hero. i am a fan of punk rock. concerts are the best thing since… well, something awesome. korn is god. i like cows. i have more than one poster of my favorite band in my room. Golf doesn’t thrill me. I have dated someone for over 6 months. i actually watch survivor, and i like it! my im screenname has x at the beginning. i wear lots of pink and purple. I have over 150 people on my buddylist. My favorite day of the week is Thursday. i like ice in my soda. I wrote in a diary when I was younger. Being a kid was really the best part of my life. homecoming this year really sucked ass. I miss my significant other. the weathermen here don’t know what the hell they are talking about. i live for good tv shows! this survey is too long. My best friend is female. there is a highlighter on my desk. i have taken trigonometry. Mirrors amuse me. guitars are better than drums. “piano man” is a really awesome song. I’ve learned something new in the past 24 hours. I know what my first name means. Surveys are made because people have too much time on their hands. going to funerals makes me feel sad, but at the same time happy. driving in the snow is tons of fun. reading 8 point font makes my eyes hurt. i am gay/lesbian I am straight i am bi  i am asexual i am transsexual i own a vibrator i own sex toys i have kissed the same sex before i have had sex with the same sex before i have had a threesome before I have had anal sex before I like rough sex I have received oral sex I have given oral sex I have been fingered before i have fingered someone before i hate giving oral I have swallowed before I have given a handjob i have received a handjob i have incorporated food with sex i have watched porn in the last week i have watched porn in the last month I have watched porn with a lover i have thought about becoming a hooker i have a friend that is a hooker i have been in a strip club i am a bartender i have been attracted to a family member I have been attracted to a friend’s older brother/sister i have thought about molesting/raping The thought of being molested/raped turns me on i have used whips, chains, etc during sex i want to use whips, chains, etc during sex but haven’t gotten the chance yet I have been obsessed with a celebrity before size matters Someone has walked in while I was having sex/making out i have walked in on people having sex/making out i have been walked in on while masturbating I have walked in on somebody masturbating i have masturbated in the past week I have masturbated in the past month I have used objects for masturbation before I have taken nude pictures of myself before I have videotaped myself engaging in a sexual act before i have videotaped myself doing a strip before and they were leaked on the internet i have had drunken sex i have had stoned sex I have had sex with a virgin i lost my virginity at age 12 or below I lost my virginity at age 13-15 i lost my virginity at age 16-18 i lost my virginity at age 19 and above i am a virgin i am waiting until marriage for sex my religion influences my choices about sex I have had sex in my room before I have had sex in somebody else’s room before i have had sex on the couch I have had sex on the floor i have had sex in a car i have had sex in a hotel i have had sex in other places not mentioned here i think porn is unethical I think strippers/prostitutes are disgusting but yet if a good looking one insisted, i would take up for the offer i will not date someone who is really, really unattractive I would date someone who is overweight I would date someone who is outside of my race i have piercings“down there” i have dated someone with piercings“down there” Roleplay or costumes turn me on i would date someone who is shorter than me I have been tested for STD’s before i have had an abortion before I believe in soul mates i believe in love at first sight I am strictly monogamous i am polygamous i consider a kiss on the cheek cheating i have given a lapdance before (not as a joke) i have received a lapdance before (not as a joke) i have been humped by an animal I have been in love i have seriously thought about killing someone I have considered running away I have been in a club i have injured myself on purpose before i have been hospitalized before i have been in an ambulance before I have been in therapy i have been to a mental hospital i have been in rehab i have been to an aa meeting i have been to other anonymous meetings i have bailed someone out before i have injured an animal while driving before i have been injured by another driver before I have been in a car crash i have hurt an animal on purpose before i have killed an animal on purpose before i have “moshed” before I have been wasted I have vomited from too much drinking i have passed out from too much drinking i have sold drugs i have done drugs at my workplace i have done drugs at a school i have been to work high i have been to work drunk i have been to work with a hangover i have been to school with a hangover i have been to school drunk i have drank alcohol at a school i have been to school high i have been to church high/drunk i have danced at a party while on ecstasy i have a dealer i am a dealer my parents smoke pot my grandparent(s) smoke pot My sibling(s) smoke pot My parents drink alcohol my grandparent(s) drink alcohol My sibling(s) drink alcohol my parents do hard drugs my grandparent(s) do hard drugs My sibling(s) do hard drugs i have given shotgun before i have drugs with me right now i have eaten hash food before i smoke cigarettes i started smoking cigarettes at age 12 or younger i started smoking cigarettes at age 13-15 i started smoking cigarettes at age 16-18 i have smoked today already i have gotten drunk today I drink alcohol i have driven while high i have driven while drunk I have gotten in a car where the driver was intoxicated i am addicted i have been to a show/concert high i have been to a show/concert drunk i have gotten someone high for their first time i like beer i listen to a lot of metal i have more than 5 band shirts I listen to a lot of hip-hop/rap i have been to more than 5 concerts/shows i am a groupie i listen to a lot of techno/electronic i listen to a lot of pop i listen to a lot of country i want to be famous i have went out of my way just to see a celebrity/band i have had a celebrity sign an autograph i have flashed my breasts before I have mooned someone before i am skilled at pole dancing i am skilled at ballet i am skilled at hip-hop dancing i am skilled at tap dancing i can do the moonwalk i can break dance i can belly dance i suck at dancing i have been backstage at a concert/show i have written and produced my own song(s) before i have been in a talent show i have competed in something like “battle of the bands” i have sung or played an instrument in front of an audience i have performed while high i have performed while drunk i play the acoustic guitar i play the electric guitar i play the drums i play the flute i play the trumpet i am a dj i play the piano i play the keyboard i play the bass i play the saxophone i play other instruments that hasn’t been mentioned here
0 notes