TOP OF MY HEAD: WAX OF BALL
May 16, 1964
Last summer I was engaged to write a one-hour special comedy program starring this glamorous bouquet of names: Jack Benny, Danny Thomas, Garry Moore, Lucille Ball, Andy Griffith, and Phil Silvers. (1)
I am not going to single out any certain name, but one of these stars gave me plenty of trouble. If I play my cards right, I may never have to write for her again.
These six television personalities are all under the sponsorship of one advertiser and appear weekly for separate products in their own respective half hour niches. To herald the opening of a new season a week before their first shows appeared. General Foods gathered them all together into one huge bowl to serve up a mighty chef's salad. It was only natural that some ham should have slithered in.
It was at once discernible to the writers that to accommodate this array of disparate talent the script concept would have to include two important factors. One, a plot in which they would all be concerned. Two, jokes distributed in equal portions among the six performers. Give one comedian, working with a group of other comedians, fewer lines than the others and you have an actor on your hands who, as rehearsals go along, sinks lower than the second f in Schrafft's. (2)
The plot we came up with was a simple and workable one. Five of our stars see a news item in Variety that General Foods has just hired Phil Silvers to do a new half-hour show.
"It is rumored," says our Variety story, "that General Foods may drop one of the other five." If that sounds contrived, it was. We put a piece of paper into the typewriter and contrived it. I don't quite know what critics mean when they write that a story line was contrived. I like to think it was conceived. We certainly went through enough labor to bring it into the world.
In due course an outline in some depth was written and presented to the advertising agency, and there was joy in all the cubicles up at Benton and Bowles. They phoned to say they had engaged as producer a man from the theater with a long list of distinguished plays he had nurtured through their out-of-town tryouts to Broadway successes—Leland Hayward. Mr. Hayward and I were to make the trip to the West Coast and articulate our outline to the stars. Which we did, to unanimous approval. The agency men were quite pleased, and at lunch Ed Ebel, vice-president of General Foods, insisted I have a second dessert.
Then back we came and the script was written. You know that line about everything being fine at the theater until the curtain went up? In the purified vernacular of television, all heck broke loose. Miss Ball found it highly incompatible with her public image to pretend that she would worry about losing her job to Phil Silvers because everybody knows she is president of Desilu Productions. She wanted a slight change—the script to state explicitly that she is president of Desilu and she wasn't worried.
Well, this played hell with our premise —excuse it, I'm getting steamed up now. We watered the plot down to "although Miss Ball was president of Desilu and was not worried about losing her job she would pretend to have some concern for the other stars who might lose their jobs and she would help get rid of Mr. Silvers." Some of the enchantment of doing the show was now slipping away. But it got worse. My good friend Jack Benny, when he saw the changes, reminded us that everybody knows he's quite wealthy and he wouldn't be worried about losing his job either. To keep it from spreading through the cast, Mr. Hayward explained that they were playing the parts of people about to lose their jobs—a crisis with which viewers can all identify.
The point was finally made and the script went into rehearsal. Word came back to us from the Coast that Miss Ball, who evidently wasn't finding it very rewarding laugh-wise to be the public image of president of Desilu, had ordered other changes into the script— among them a scene with Mr. Silvers known in burlesque as "Again I Turn" (3) —ending with the pie-in-the-face bit, in which the president of Desilu pretended to be an old scrubwoman.
After the show went on the air I heard to my sorrow that some viewers found this scene quite hilarious. This I can attribute to only one unfortunate thing—Miss Ball happens to be one of the country's most talented and prolific comediennes.
The other Sunday night Miss Ball appeared in an hour show with Bob Hope. (4) She played, of all things, the president of Desilu. Also, she was an actress for Desilu. She appeared in one scene as the actress trying on a top hat, white tie, and tails.
"This is what I wear in the magic act, isn't it?" she asked the tailor. "Where are the tricks?"
"In the suit," he replied, as the public image of the Desilu president went off gaily to a board of directors' meeting.
Well, if there was a message in a television program, this was it. No sooner had she arrived at the meeting than she removed the top hat, and there, nestling in the hutch of all that red hair, was a rabbit. Desilu stockholders will please not assume that this is her public image.
Also, the very next night the president of Desilu appeared in her usual weekly show. (5) The premise: "Lucy takes a job as a summons server to earn vacation money."
~ GOODMAN ACE
Goodman Ace (1899-1982) was born as Goodman Aiskowitz, aka "Goody" (as he was known to friends) had a low-key, literate drollery and softly tart way of tweaking trends and pretenses made him one of the most sought after writers in radio and television from the 1930s through the 1960s. In 1957 and 1959 he was Emmy nominated for writing “The Perry Como Show.” He and his wife Jane had a long-lasting radio breakfast show called “Easy Aces” that transferred to television in 1949 - where it lasted just six months. As per his desires, “General Foods Opening Night” was the first and last time he collaborated with Lucille Ball.
This article appeared in the May 16, 1964 issue of Saturday Review, a weekly literary magazine published from 1920 to 1986. Norman Cousins was the editor from 1940 to 1971. It was described as "a compendium of reportage, essays and criticism about current events, education, science, travel, the arts and other topics."
FOOTNOTES TO HISTORY
(1) The TV special that Goodman Ace was employed to write was titled “Opening Night” airing September 23, 1963 on CBS starring Phil Silvers (“The New Phil Silvers Show”), Lucille Ball (“The Lucy Show”), Jack Benny (“The Jack Benny Program”), Andy Griffith (“The Andy Griffith Show”), Danny Thomas (“Make Room for Daddy”), and Garry Moore (”I’ve Got A Secret”).
(2) Schrafft’s was a chain of moderately priced New York restaurants which often attracted ladies who were out for shopping trips. It was one of the first restaurants to allow un-escorted females on a routine basis. In 1981, the Boston-based candy company that owned the chain ceased operations, leaving just a few remaining restaurants in private hands. Schrafft’s was mentioned in “Lucy Does the Tango” (ILL S6;E20) and ““Housewarming” (ILL S6;E23).
Ace writes "sinks lower than the second f in Schrafft’s”. This is a reference to the company’s distinctive logo.
(3) The vaudeville routine is most commonly known as “Slowly I Turned” or “Slowly I Turn” or even “Martha”, but not “Again I Turn,” as Goodman writes. Perhaps this mistake is intentional to show his displeasure of the age-old vaudeville routine being inserted into his script - or perhaps not. Lucille Ball had performed “Slowly I Turned” as Lucy Ricardo on “The Ballet” (ILL S1;E9) opposite Buffo the Clown (Frank J. Scannell) in 1952. This time, Lucy takes the role of the clown, and Phil Silvers is the one with the kind face. For plot purposes, Lucille is dressed as a charwoman.
(4) The show Goodman Ace is referring to was titled “Mr. and Mrs.” aka “The Lucille Ball Comedy Hour” and was aired on April 19, 1964. As he points out, the premise has Lucille Ball playing ‘Herself’ as the head of a studio named Consolidated Pictures (not Desilu). Like the real-life Ball, she also has a popular TV show in which she plays a wacky redhead named Bonnie Blakely (not Lucy Carmichael).
(5) Ace is referring to “Lucy is a Process Server” (TLS S2;E27) aired on April 20, 1964, in which Ball plays Lucy Carmichael, a single mother of two who takes a second job as a process server to make enough money to go on vacation with her best friend and roommate Viv (Vivian Vance). Her first summons must be served to Mr. Mooney.
Original 1964 article by Goodman Ace, transcribed verbatim. Footnotes by Michael T. Mooney.
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did u mean to rb that post praising a dude who worked for the nazi party (hanns schraff)? little bit concerned
Decidedly not! Sometimes I just reblog shit on auto pilot without really reading it (bad habit, I know.)
Should it need to be said, I am anti nazi, and also pro punching-nazis-in-the-face
(Edit: found the post, deleted the post. I thought it was interesting, but really should have looked more into it / thought for more than a second before I reblogged it. )
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Top 5 Disney movies, Top 10 actors/actresses, Top 5 books, Top 10 music artists/musicians/bands/etc.
Top 5 Disney movies:
The Lion King
High School Musical
Mulan
Princess and the frog
Lemonade Mouth
Top 10 actors/actresses:
Lupita N'yongo
Rosario Dawson
Idris Elba
Keanu Reeves
Indya Moore
Luke Perry (rest in peace)
Ashleigh Murray
Issa Rae
Viola Davis
Angelina Jolie
Top 5 books:
Children of Blood and Bones by Tomi Adeyemi
Daughter of Smoke and Boned by Laini Taylor
Gallagher Girls Series
Someone to love by Anne Schraff
Summer Boys by Hailey Abbott
Top 10 music artists/musicians/bands/etc:
Beyonce
Paramore
Aminé
Ariana Grande
Megan Thee Stallion
Tory Lanez
Lizzo
Khalid
Billie Eilish
Janelle Monae
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Schraff, an Orange County advertising agency in business since 1976, lost its President, Brian Schraff, on Tuesday, April 20, 2021.
Brian’s son, Tyler Schraff, said, “It is with profound sadness we announce that our father and head of the Schraff advertising agency has passed away suddenly at the age of 58.” Schraff continues operations with Tyler Schraff assuming President, Zakary Schraff as Operations Manager, and includes all current team members.
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