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flagbridge · 4 months

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I Saw the Phantom Proshot at the NYPL

Happy 36th birthday to Phantom's first preview on Broadway! I was going to save this post for the actual 36th, but I figure all of us need some more Phantom Broadway "original" content since the official Insta accounts are reminding us today that Phantom is no longer (though it should be) on Broadway. I'm going to post about what I saw, and I'll follow up on January 26 with all my answers!

Some time ago, @or-what-you-will and I went to the NYPL's Theater on Film and Tape Archive, and viewed the archival pro shot of the Original Broadway Cast of Phantom of the Opera, filmed live on May 25, 1988. There is only one copy, and its purpose is artistic preservation (not commercial distribution--the library owns it). It was kept under lock and key during the show's run. All information about how to access the archive is on the website. I can't really tell you anything more besides what's out there because it will become identifying. You get set up in a room with monitors and can pause and rewind, although you can't touch the media.

This was not my first TOFT proshot, but it was the best-filmed. Some, there's a single camera just parked, or there's some generation loss because of when the tape was transferred to digital. This had absolutely vivid colors, a multi-camera shot, and brilliant and clear soundboard audio. I heard lyrics I have never heard (especially during Notes when everyone is singing over one another), the sound balancing was so good. It was as transformative as seeing it live.

These are all the notes we took while there (apologize if they can seem disjointed) More below the cut.

ACT 1 NOTES:

-Multicam shot

-amazing audio (soundboard), vivid colors

-Raoul/Barton is crying in his voice during the auction

-there’s a “voice” that sounds like a woman singing with the overture (maybe a theramin?) We jumped in shock at this. We've never heard this before, not even on soundboard.

-Sarah Brightman comes on stage during the Hannibal rehearsal, moving across the stage with Meg during “Rome not Roma”--so she dances in the front row during the Hannibal ballet

-Hannibal ballet then has 10 dancers and since Christine is in the whole thing, there is slightly different choreo

-there’s a synth under Meg’s “he’s there, the phantom of the opera”

-Firmin lights a cigarette and Andre (Future Phantom Cris Groenendaal) stops him right before “Think of Me’ which makes the “Defense de Fumer” on the back of the curtain make even more sense

-Think of Me Gala skirt is not as full (but of note, Carlotta’s Elissa costume is much more ornate than we have now or even at the end of Broadway)

-Raoul sings slightly different notes in Think of Me. Steve Barton goes down a few notes on “young and innocent” (it’s not belted) and is clearly wistful.

-The think of me cadenza is absolutely effortless

-The “Bravi, Bravi” is haunting and perfectly sound balanced!

-Meg can actually sing and the Angel of Music harmonies work

-Raoul (Steve Barton) is nervous before going into the dressing room. He taps his fingers on the banister and takes a deep breath before going in

-He’s also nervous inside the dressing room–you can see him going from seeing an old friend to suddenly having feelings, being attracted to her. When he’s standing behind her he has a slight moment when he nearly touches a lock of her hair.

-Raoul is wearing a ring on his right hand (signet?)

-Steve Barton says MY Little Lotte

-Christine (Brightman) is excited about meeting the Angel of music and has a wanting and longing in “Enter at LAST master” (in a way that Lily Kerhoas does now and we haven’t had many Christines who do this)

-The picture is VERY CLEAR and NO WASHOUT when we see Michael Crawford appear in the mirror for Phantom’s entrance. You see everything

-When the door opens for Raoul to the dressing room after they go through the mirror, it opens slowly (vs banging open). It’s the same tempo that Phantom moves to take Christine through the mirror

-1925 Phantom silhouette vibes at the first “sing for me”

-Not a particularly aggressive cape twirl, but def a twirl.

-They get VERY close on “turn your face away”, almost kiss (like, Russians, Panaro/Joseph close)

- he has a nice portcullis sprawl but she does not press against him, there is visible space between them the entire time

-”Caress” and “hear it, feel it” are explicitly seductive, the former in how it’s sung, the latter because he self-caresses on “feel it”

-the “Touch me” in touch me/trust me is half sung/half spoken order, she strokes her hand over the mask and he does not pull away

-He does have a little panic when she faints and he covers her with the cloak. He’s holding her hair when he sings to her there

-At the unmasking, MC holds for a brief moment before covering his face with his hand so the audience gets a peek of the deformity (before “damn you”)

-Vixen not viper

-Crawls on knees, not stomach. We get…lots of crying and whimpering

-Christine sees his face a lot during this sequence. MC lowers his hand as soon as he’s on her side of the stage from “secretly dreams of beauty” to “Oh Christine”, when he turns away–but she is looking at him the entire time. MC is angled right by a mirror shard so we can see a bit of the deformity reflected back

-Right before “come we must return”, MC is about to cup her face with both his hands before changing his mind–she starts to reach for him as well.

-His Mandarin robe is much longer than we have now (ankle length vs calf length)

-This Giry has witch vibes

-Steve Barton is playing eager puppy Raoul and it shows even though he looks older (Barton was 35 at the time)

-The sound balancing is so good that you can hear lines you don’t normally hear during Notes 1 and Prima Donna–including the Managers thinking that Christine has just been off with Raoul all night.

-Sarah Brightman does a different pose on the bed as the pageboy during Il Muto. She crosses her legs vs putting her hands on her hips.

-Firmin yells “the role of Christine Daae” to the proscenium, clearly directed at Phantom

-Barton Raoul’s “There is no Phantom of the Opera” comes off more as “Christine this is just some dude” vs “he doesn’t exist at all.”

-Raoul loves Christine so much. He strokes her hair gently to comfort her right before “No more talk of darkness”--his eyes are soft and he’s genuinely caring and concerned (vs trying to be a hero)

-”All I ask is for one love one lifetime”--different lyrics, she does it twice (This is on soundboards from the time)

-Raoul puts his face to Christine’s hands at the proposal.

-Christine is clearly kissing his cheek right next to his mouth during the kiss (the final lair kiss is a real kiss)

-Christine’s “I must go” is not as playful as we often see it later. She really is trying to go.

-Raoul is nervous at “Christine, I love you”--he lowers his head for a moment worried that he said something wrong. He’s excited when she replies “order your fine horses”

-AIAOY Reprise: Michael Crawford is partially slumped over the angel, he’s holding hands with it to the audience’s right, and arm is slumped over on the left. We get a lot of anguished weeping, and little distressed moans as Christine and Raoul sing, there is rocking and head shaking and then covering his ears. It’s a HUGE difference then when he stands up fully for “You will curse” (he does this again during final lair between “unfeeling scrap of clothing” and “pity comes too late)

-He also roars before standing

-The Phantom laugh/cackle continues well into the chandelier drop into intermission at the light cut out for about 15 seconds.

Act II

-Carlotta masquerade costume has no mesh in the skirt–it’s much more of a see-through skeleton crinoline, so the feature is the purple tights

-Not surprising since Sarah Brightman is a dancer, but Christine does the proper choreography during Masquerade--she's the center of attention. Barton also does quite a bit of dancing.

-There’s an organ (almost like a circus organ) underlying the finale during masquerade

-Red Death double doesn’t run down the stairs, he stays at the top

-Giry/Raoul exchange after masquerade–both holding the lantern and super closeup

-Reyer is clearly gay–coded. Some voice and hand gestures during Sitzprobe

-Wishing–only one “help me say goodbye” (when did the second one get added?)

-”Far-reaching” gaze, Wandering Child is a duet

-Piangi says “conquest” is assured (at some point, this became “congress”)

-Michael Crawford imitates Piangi until “past the point…”

-Sarah as Christine is listening intently to Phantom’s voice and immediately noticed something is off–she doesn’t figure it out right away but she notices something. She is suspicious the entire time. It's not clear when she knows for certain.

-Christine never flees from him, during the first caresses, he hovers over her body, she turns to kiss him, he turns away, her hand lingers on her back, before she gets up to sing her solo part away from the table

-Michael Crawford’s hands are in in his crotch when Christine’s singing on the other side of the stage (“you have come here”)--he’s moving his palms in his lap the whole time, his hands are shaking, we only get glimpses of him, most of this part it’s focused on her

-There is none of the arm waving circling while their hands are held, she takes his hands, he switches his grip to hold one of hers, and they keep them on him

-She figures it out when she reaches down–she’s holding his hands above him and she pushes her left (our right) hand down and he pulls and she notices something–we can only see to his upper waist but her hand disappears and her expression changes, it’s implied he has an erection

-she doesn’t ever feel the mask, either accidentally or on purpose

-She doesn’t actually ever try to escape. It’s not the current West End or the past blocking–but more accurate in that she is aware of the situation and plays along. She keeps going with the blocking

-they both get up and keep singing, neither drags the other to the centre, they move together and keep singing

-The last “return”--he sings it at the unhooding, she doesn’t

-”Say you’ll share with me”--he is really pleading and almost crying on “say you want me”

-The managers don’t come out to try to usher her offstage, she doesn’t signal to them to stay

-When Phantom gives her the ring, she takes it, but doesn’t put it on–she just holds it

-He doesn’t scream at the unmasking, he just looks shocked and sad

-Ratcatcher order is different–it’s after Raoul and Giry’s first lines, that’s the indication that Giry needs to turn around, Giry screams

-Phantom is crying at “flesh” and through “unfeeling scrap of clothing”, he’s also hunched over through this sequence, and then stands to his full height at “Pity comes too late.”

-Phantom makes a big show of raising the portcullis, hands fully raised

-Raoul swats at Erik with one hand (the other is still on the noose) when Phantom grabs Christine on “start a new life”

-Phantom is probably the “minimum” amount of rough as we see Phantoms be with Christine in this sequence, as in, he’s definitely scary and menacing but he’s not harming her. He does grab her and spin her around on “start a new life with me.” There are a few wrist grabs (which is book accurate). He’s realizing more that his plan is absolutely crumbling. We get some shots of him on the organ looking panicked.

-Phantom makes a low growling noise before “you try my patience”, which is delivered quickly and almost casually. It is not menacing as some later Phantoms do.

-”Pitiful creature”..MC’s hand is subtly shaking by his side

-The kiss: the 1st one MC stands with “claw hands” at his side, on the second one, the “claw hands” start shaking

-MC hunches over after he burns the noose

-He stands over the monkey, conducting it with one hand, he is mimicking the symbol clashes, he doesn’t touch it or cover its face

-When Christine returns the ring, his hand shakes as he takes it, he’s hunched over again.

-She does seem conflicted about leaving, but she doesn’t press her hand back around his, she holds out the ring and his hand shakes as she takes it. She doesn’t linger very long.

-He says a second “I love you” after she’s gone.

-He’s about to say it a third time, he says “I love…” and then see the veil, and grabs it and screams into it, and then turns and sees the boat leaving

-He sobs and keens a lot

-Raoul bends in the boat to caress Christine’s face on “say the word”)--this is halfway across the stage as opposed to during the stage right exit.

-Deliberately cracks voice on the "can" in “you alone can make”

-MC Cradling the veil like a baby at the very end

SEND ME YOUR QUESTIONS! You can put it in comments, reblogs, AMA or DM's. I will answer all of them on January 26!

#phantom of the opera #poto #poto broadway #original poto #michael crawford #sarah brightman #steve barton #cris groenendaal #the phantom #christine daae #raoul de chagny #alw phantom #proshot #toft archive #YOU GUYS I SAW THE PHANTOM BROADWAY PROSHOT #POTO Broadway never should have closed

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all-the-things-2020 · 18 days

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Joel’s Pony Party

Summary: You are planning a birthday party for your six year old niece. Turns out the guy who runs the pony party place offers you more than just a pony ride.

Rating: R (some sexual content toward the end); 18+ only, please!

Word Count: 6200+

Notes: I saw a horse trailer one day with a sign reading “Joel’s Pony Party” and my mind went on from there. This is an AU where there is no outbreak and Sarah and Ellie are the same age.

Maybe this was a huge mistake, you think as you steer your car down the increasingly potholed road. Obviously, a place with horses would be outside of town, but this didn’t look like the most savory area. Still, the pictures on the website had made it look nice, so you owed it to Ashley to check it out.

It had made so much sense at the time to volunteer to plan your niece’s sixth birthday party. Your sister was still knee deep in diapers with her youngest, Ashley’s little brother Jacob. Your brother-in-law was a sweetheart but useless at this sort of thing. His idea of entertaining was buying a 24 pack of beer instead of a 6 pack and buying the name brand chips for the queso dip. No, Ashley deserved a special birthday and you were going to give it to her.

You checked the directions you’d printed out from the internet. You should be close. The road curved slightly and you saw the neatly painted sign. “Joel’s Pony Party — Birthdays and Special Occasions.” The property looked much nicer than some of the places you’d driven past. The fencing was new and the driveway was freshly graded. So far, so good.

You drove through the gate and marveled at the paddock full of ponies and a couple of horses. Some of them lifted their heads from the grass to watch you drive past. They all looked healthy and well groomed. One of the bigger ponies, a flashy black and white pinto, tossed its head and galloped along the fence line, racing your car.

You parked in the graveled lot clearly marked “Guest Parking” and turned off the engine. A teenaged girl with an abundance of curly hair waved at you from the door of a tidy red barn. “Dad will be with you in a minute,” she called out. “You can pet the ponies if you want.”

The little pinto was trying to reach over the fence to you, so you obliged, scratching its nose and forehead. The pony smelled wonderful, like fresh hay and sunshine and that undeniable smell of horse that brought back your childhood. Trips to the pony ride at the park had been the highlight of your existence when you were five years old.

”She doesn’t have anything for you, Oreo.” The voice was slow and easy, not too deep. “Sorry, he’s a beggar. I’m Joel Miller.” The man held out his hand and you shook it. His grip was firm but gentle and his hand engulfed yours. You tried not to stare as you took in his broad shoulders and the neatly trimmed scruff on his face. A delightful combination of cowboy and businessman.

You introduced yourself. “I have to admit, I was a little concerned after driving past some of those places down the road, but you have a beautiful property.”

Joel nodded his head. “Thank you, ma’am. Sarah and I try to keep it up to snuff.” He tilted his head toward the girl. “If she ever outgrows her horse phase, I’m in deep trouble. Can’t keep this place goin’ without her.” He looked wistful for a moment, then snapped back to business mode. “So, you’re lookin’ for a place for your niece’s birthday. Let me give you a tour.”

He led you through the barn, which was cleaner than some houses you’d been to, and showed you the party area, a covered patio with brightly painted wooden picnic tables. Beyond it was a miniature race track. “The pony path,” Joel said. “Rather than one of those mechanical hot walker contraptions, we put the kids on a pony in there and let them walk around. Me or Sarah will stand in the middle and keep the ponies moving if they get too lazy, but otherwise the kids get to be in charge.” He chuckled. “Well, as in charge as anyone can be with a pony. Got some characters.”

Joel gestured toward a large shade tree. “Here’s where we hang the piñata.” Then toward a long table under a colorful awning. “And that’s where you can put the gifts and the cake. Keeps them out of the way of the kids.” He shuffled his boots in the dust. “We have two packages: Pony Princess and Cowpoke Experience. Most boys go for cowpoke but girls are pretty evenly split. Or we can do a hybrid if you’ve got boys and girls coming.”

He pulled a brochure out of his back pocket and spread it out on one of the picnic tables. As he leaned over, his shirt strained at his shoulders and it was all you could do to keep your focus on the brochure. And his thick finger as he pointed out the options.

”Pony Princess comes with a unicorn and the piñata is a dragon. We also have a trunk of dress up clothes. Fairy wings and princess dresses and magic wands, stuff like that. The birthday girl gets to wear a crown, ‘cause she’s the princess.”

”Cowpoke Experience comes with roping lessons and the piñata is a cowboy boot. No guns, but we have cowboy hats and bandanas and leather vests for dress up. And the birthday kid wears the sheriff’s badge.”

You glanced at the prices at the bottom of the pages and nodded. Yes, this would do. And even if it was a bit more than you’d planned, you’d gladly pay it to spend more time with Joel.

“Definitely Pony Princess for Ashley,” you said. “She’s in her Disney Princess stage right now and all her friends are into fairies and magic and everything.”

”All right, let’s get the calendar and see if we can get this scheduled for you. Sarah!”

Sarah popped out of nowhere. “Yeah, Dad?”

”Run and get the booking calendar, would you? Need to set up a party for this nice lady’s niece.”

”She seems like a good kid,” you said, desperate to make small talk so you wouldn’t gawk at the man in front of you.

”She is,” he said with a smile. “A lot like her mama was.”

”Her mother …” you didn’t know how to ask without seeming nosey.

”Passed on when Sarah was little,” Joel said softly. “It’s been just the two of us. Well, and my brother, when he’s around. And now the horses.” He sighed. “I used to be a contractor but I messed up my back pretty good and my cousin Louis was moving to Alabama so he offered me the place. Already had a good business doing pony rides, and it was Sarah’s idea to start doing birthday parties and events. She’s gonna be a party planner or something like that when she grows up. Organized and on top of everything.” He shook his head, a soft smile on his lips. He was clearly very proud of his daughter.

Sarah dashed up with a battered leather planner in her hands. As she laid it down on the table, she pulled a pencil out of her pocket. “See,” Joel said. “Always prepared.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “It’s just common sense, Dad.” She flipped the pages to the current date. “Hope we can fit you in close to your niece’s actual birthday.”

You perused the calendar. There were two sets of handwriting, one neat and precise but masculine, the other just as neat but more exuberant. You spotted the Saturday before Ashley’s birthday. “How about this day? I see you have something at 9:00 am but maybe we can do the afternoon?”

”Perfect,” said Joel. “How’s 2 o’clock? Gives us time to clean up after the morning event and then you don’t have to provide lunch, just cake and ice cream.” He smiled and you smiled back. Cake and ice cream were included in the price of the package, but lunches and snacks were not. You’d save a bit that way.

”Sounds like a deal,” you said. “Do we need to sign a contract or anything?”

”Give me a day or two to write it up and you can come back to sign it, if that’s not too much trouble?” He fixed his chocolate brown eyes on you and for a moment you couldn’t even breath, let alone form a coherent thought.

”Um, yeah, that’d be great,” you managed to say after an awkward moment. “You can call me when it’s ready and I’ll come out as soon as I can.” You scribbled your cell phone number on the margin of the planner, along with your name.

”Much obliged,” Joel said. “Pony Princess party, 2 o’clock on Saturday the 15th.”

”And when you come back to sign the paperwork, you can meet all the ponies,” Sarah said. “You can pick out which one your niece gets to ride.” She glanced slyly at Joel. “Maybe Dad can take you out on one of the horses, if you have the right shoes.” She looked down at your tennis shoes and shook her head. Like Joel, she had on well worn cowboy boots, the working kind, not the fashionable kind.

”I might have some boots that would work,” you said. “But I haven’t been on a horse in years. Maybe we’d better leave that to the kids.”

Joel looked you up and down, which made your face heat up. “You’d look good on a horse,” he said. “I think maybe Guapo?”

Sarah nodded firmly. “Oh, yeah, Guapo would be perfect for you. He’s a real softie, good with beginners but not one of those dead to the world type they give you at rental stables.”

“We’ll see,” you said. “I’d — I’d better be going. I have some errands to run before I head home and I’m sure you’re both busy. I’ll see you in a few days.”

”I’ll call you when I have the contract ready,” Joel said, nodding his head. If he’d been wearing a hat, he would have tipped it. “Nice to meet you.”

As you walked back toward your car, you heard Sarah giggling and Joel shushing her sternly. The kid was a pretty good wingwoman. You wondered how much a pair of real riding boots cost.

***************************************************************************

Joel called you two days later and you arranged to come by that Thursday to sign the contract and finalize the details. You rarely took time off work, so no one batted an eye when you put in for a half day of personal necessity because of an appointment. You left work and stopped off at home to change into jeans and a pair of low heeled boots. You finished off the outfit with a t-shirt that you’d gotten compliments on before.

As you turned into the drive at Joel’s place, you saw that the way was blocked by a large blue pickup. Joel was in the bed, tossing flakes of hay over the fence into the pasture.

“I’ll be done in a few minutes, then I’ll get outta your way,” he called out. He was wearing a dirty grey t-shirt with a couple of holes in it and his jeans were covered with dust, but he looked amazing. You didn’t mind waiting with a view like that.

”No worries,” you called back. “Do you need any help?”

”Ah, no darlin’, I’ve got this. Been bucking hay for quite a few years now.” He paused and wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his arm. “Louis’ dad, my uncle, used to have a full on cattle ranch when we were kids. Spent summers out there helping with the horses until I was thirteen.”

You got out of your car and leaned against the fender. “Must have been a dream come true for a Texas kid.”

Joel shrugged. “It was just work. Tommy always conveniently disappeared when it was time to muck out stalls, but I covered for him.” He returned to his task, easily breaking a bale of hay into flakes and tossing them expertly over the fence, each one landing a few feet from the previous one. The horses and ponies each claimed a flake of their own, except for a few squabbles involving the tiniest pony, a chestnut with a broad white blaze on its face.

”Stop it, you little shit,” Joel yelled, shaking his head. “That li’l Sebastian is the worst. He’s actually a miniature horse, not a pony, so he can’t be ridden and he knows it. Spoiled rotten. But he’s gentle with the little kids and the ones who can’t ride or are too afraid. Gets petted and fed carrots and never does a lick of work.”

Sebastian lifted his nose and pranced toward a tall white horse. He snorted and swished his tail and the big horse reluctantly yielded its hay to the little guy. “See?” Joel said. “Guapo, just step on him.”

The white horse sighed deeply and shook his head. Joel tossed a flake in his direction and it landed neatly in front of him. Then Joel hopped down from the truck bed. “I’ll get this ol’ beast out of the way and you can drive up to the parking area. I’ve just got to run up to the house for the paperwork, wash my hands, and I’ll be right back.”

You tried not to notice his backside as he stepped into the cab of the truck, but it was right there in front of you. He filled out a pair of jeans nicely.

You parked in the visitor lot, while Joel parked his truck off to the side. “Go on through the barn and sit at one of the tables,” he called out. “I’ll be there in a minute.” He walked quickly toward the neatly painted white ranch style house that stood behind the pasture, his gait a bit stiff. He’d mentioned hurting his back at work before starting the party business. It looked like it still bothered him.

You sat at one of the picnic tables. It was pleasant under the patio roof, which blocked the sun but allowed a nice breeze. Whoever had designed this place knew what he was doing.

Joel hurried back with a sheaf of papers in his hand. His hands were clean but the rest of him was still dusty. There were bits of hay stuck to his shirt and in his hair. “Okay,” he said, settling down next to you. “Let’s go over the details and then get this contract signed.”

It was hard to concentrate on the paperwork with him sitting beside you. He smelled like hay and sweat and horses and something else, maybe aftershave or deodorant that had a hint of something woodsy. Whatever it was, the entire cocktail of scents was enticing.

”So, the standard party comes with a sheet cake from Kroger and vanilla ice cream. The cake will say Happy Birthday and your niece’s name. You get to pick what color icing for the words and the border. And we put a plastic unicorn on top that she gets to keep.”

”Um, purple, she’s into purple right now.”

Joel nodded and wrote “purple” into a blank on the sheet in front of him. His handwriting was neat and precise.

”Okay, and the piñata will be a dragon, unless you want something else. No extra charge, all the piñatas are the same price.”

”Dragon is fine,” you said, distracted by a piece of hay that was lodged in the curls just above his temple. You fought the urge to reach out and remove it.

”You okay?” Joel asked.

“Um, yeah, you just … you have some hay …” You gestured toward his head and he brushed his hand through his hair.

”Occupational hazard,” he said with a gentle laugh. “Did I get it?”

”Not quite. Do you mind …?”

He leaned toward you and you plucked the hay stem from his hair, which was silky soft. You wanted to run your fingers through it so badly, but you contented yourself with removing the hay. “There, now you look presentable,” you said.

”Thanks,” he said softly. There was a pause, charged with something that certainly wasn’t business related. He cleared his throat. “Okay, so we have games.”

You half listened as Joel went over the games and activities that would be provided. You just nodded and agreed to all the standard choices. Ashley would just be thrilled to be around ponies and dress up with her friends. And if you weren’t talking, that meant you got to listen to Joel’s voice even more.

You reached the end of the paperwork and Joel handed you the pen to sign the contract. It was still warm from his hand and you shook just a little as you wrote your signature on the dotted line.

”All done,” Joel said. His eyes swept up and down your body. “So, you ready for that ride?”

Your tongue wouldn’t move. Had he really just suggested …?

“I mean, you wore jeans and boots, so I figured you were planning to take me up on Sarah’s offer.”

”Oh, yeah,” you said, shaking your head as the blood rushed to your face. “Sorry, I was just … yeah, a horseback ride would be wonderful.”

Joel swept the paperwork up. “Back in two jiffs,” he said. “I’ll just put this in the office and then we’ll get the horses ready.”

He ducked into a small room in the barn, then handed you a lead rope. You followed him to the pasture, where the horses were still nibbling at their hay. Joel opened the gate and walked inside, catching first the white horse, Guapo, and then a big strong looking bay horse. He took the lead rope from you and clipped it onto Guapo’s halter.

”He’s a sweetheart,” he said. “Just walk and he’ll go with you. Take him into the breezeway in the barn.”

You were nervous. You’d never handled a horse before, but Guapo was just as gentle as Joel promised. He walked alongside you, his head bobbing with the rhythm of his hooves, which clip-clopped against the hard packed dirt and the concrete of the barn floor.

Joel soon followed with the bay horse. You watched as he tied both horses to rings set in the wall and gave them a quick brushing. Then he brought out the saddles, which he handled as if they weighed nothing. It was fascinating to watch him tack up the horses, moving gently but quickly as he got them ready for the ride. Soon they were both saddled and bridled and you started to feel nervous again.

Joel showed you how to lead Guapo by the cheek piece of his bridle. “Just walk him over to the mounting block,” he said. “He knows the drill.”

Sure enough, the white horse stood next to the set of wooden steps so that they were perfectly aligned with his saddle. Joel smiled at you as he took the reins just under Guapo’s chin. “You okay to get on by yourself?”

”I think so,” you said. “It’s been years since I rode a horse.”

”Just remember, left foot in the stirrup, then hop up and swing the right leg over.” You felt incredibly exposed as you fumbled your way into the saddle. If you hadn’t felt Joel’s eyes on you the whole time, it would have been easier.

Once you were in the saddle, Joel led Guapo forward a few steps and then took your ankle in his hand. “Slip your foot out,” he said quietly. “I need to adjust the stirrups.” He pushed your leg forward so that your foot was on Guapo’s shoulder, then tugged at the leather straps. When he was done, he grabbed your foot and put it back into the stirrup. His hands were big and strong. He nodded and then went around the other side to adjust the right stirrup. Being man-handled, even so gently, was making you very aware of your body. You shifted in the saddle, glad your jeans were thick enough to hide the dampness that was spreading through your panties.

Once Joel was satisfied that your stirrups were good, he fetched the bay horse from the barn and swung into the saddle with a grunt that made your insides clench. “I’m supposed to use the mounting block,” he said, “‘cause of my back, but just don’t tell Sarah, okay?”

You nodded. “Okay, remember, hold the reins in your left hand, just above the saddle horn. Keep your fist up, like you're gonna do a thumbs up. Steer him like using a joystick on one of those old Atari games. Move your hand to the right to go right, left to go left, back toward your belly to stop or slow down. And sit back in the saddle when you ask him to stop. All right, let’s go.”

He tapped his heels against the bay horse’s sides and they walked off. Guapo followed behind after you gave him a gentle tap. It was a different world from up on a horse’s back. You could feel Guapo’s muscles moving beneath the saddle, hear his breathing and snorts as the other horse kicked up dust in his face, and the creaking of the saddle leather.

“Wow, this is so cool,” you said.

“This is nothing,” Joel said over his shoulder. “This is just a pony ride. You get good enough, there’s a place down by the river where the sand is level and smooth and you can gallop. Talk about a real cowgirl experience. Ah, shit, that didn’t sound right, I’m sorry.”

You laughed. “I know what you meant. And either way, it sounds amazing.” You felt the blood rush to your face again as the words popped out of your mouth. You hadn’t meant to flirt so hard. This was technically still a business transaction, after all.

Joel laughed heartily. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?” His eyes skimmed over your body once again. “You look good on a horse. Not everyone does.”

”Thanks,” you said. “So do you.”

The trail widened out and Joel pulled his horse back so that you were riding side by side. “You know, Sarah would kill me if I didn’t take the opportunity to ask you out. After the party, of course.”

”Of course,” you said. “And she’d probably kill me if I didn’t say yes. I mean, how often does someone literally bring you a white horse?”

”Gray,” Joel said. “Guapo’s not white, he’s gray.” He shook his head. “Shit, sorry, I’m used to teaching the kids about how white horses are really rare and most of the ones you see that look white are really grays … and I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

”Yeah, but it’s adorable,” you said. “Makes me feel a little less awkward myself.”

You rode in silence for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

”Sure,” Joel said.

”Why’s he named Guapo? I mean he’s not ugly or anything but he’s certainly not Trigger or the Black Stallion, is he?”

Joel smiled. “Louis went to the horse auction to get some ponies. Saw this fellow in the pen and he looked like hell. Skinny, had a skin rash, just messed up. Knew he’d end up with the kill buyers, so he bought him. Everyone teased him about buying an ugly horse, but his assistant, Reynaldo, stood up for him. He said ‘Don’t let them laugh at you, you’re muy guapo, my friend.’ And it turns out, after they got him cleaned up and fed and everything, they checked his lip tattoo and he’s a Thoroughbred. Ran thirty races in his career and won three. Even was in a stakes over at Sam Houston when he was three. Finished up the track, but at least he had a shot at glory.”

”Wow, you were a racehorse?” You leaned forward to pat Guapo’s neck. He flicked an ear back at you. “He’s so gentle.”

”Smart horses, Thoroughbreds,” Joel said. “King here, he’s half quarter horse, half Andalusian. Talk about smart.” He patted the bay horse on the neck. “But he needs an experienced rider. Guapo knows how to take care of a beginner. King would just take advantage of them.”

You chatted back and forth as the horses walked down the trail. Joel was relaxed, sitting his horse easily, his eyes crinkled against the sun. You could have looked at him all day. And the way his hips moved with the rhythm of King’s stride …

Eventually, Joel glanced at his watch. “Better head back,” he said with a sigh. “Sarah will be getting home from school any minute and if she has to do more than her fair share of the barn chores I’ll get an earful.”

He turned King around and headed back up the trail. Guapo followed suit and before you knew it, both horses were trotting, eager to get home. Joel hardly moved in his saddle, but you were jolting all over the place.

”Ouch! How do you stay sitting down when they do this?”

Joel laughed mischievously. “Well, it helps that King’s got that smooth Quarter Horse jog,” he said. “Guapo was taught two speeds: walk and run. Off track Thoroughbreds have a real rough trot. Probably should have warned you.” He reined King back to a walk and Guapo dropped back into a less bone-jolting gait as well.

“Thought I was going to fall off for a second there,” you said.

“You were bouncing around quite a bit,” Joel admitted, although from the look on his face, he hadn’t minded watching you jiggle.

“You did that on purpose,” you realized.

“Had to give you the full cowgirl experience,” he said with a wink. You had reached the narrow beginning of the trail again, and he pulled King in front of Guapo, so you only had a view of his back, but you were certain he was smirking. You didn’t mind too much, though; the view was worth any amount of teasing you had to endure. Joel Miller had a mighty fine seat.

***************************************************

Sarah was leaning smugly against the side of the barn when you rode up. “Trying to stick me with all the chores while you’re off having fun, huh, Dad?”

”If I recall, it was your idea I take her out for a ride,” he said, swinging easily off King’s back. Sarah took the reins and led the bay toward the barn. Joel came and stood next to Guapo’s shoulder.

”You need any help getting down?”

”I think I can manage,” you said. You weren’t as graceful as he was, though, and stumbled a bit as your left foot caught in the stirrup on the way down. Joel’s hands were there to steady you.

”Kick both feet clear before you get off next time, then you won’t have that problem,” he said gently. “But otherwise, I’d give it a seven.” His hands were warm against your arms.

”Ah, geez, Mr. M, there’s kids here.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Ellie, what the hell are you doing here?”

You both turned to see another girl leaning against the barn. She was around Sarah’s age, her brown hair pulled back in an untidy pony tail and a defiant smirk on her face.

”Sarah invited me,” she said. “Said you were making chili for dinner and you know they don’t feed me at that place.”

”That is one hundred percent grade A bullshit,” Joel said. “I know for a fact that Mrs. Morales is a great cook. She brings stuff to the PTA meetings all the time and we all fight over it.”

Ellie shrugged. “Exactly. All us kids have to fight over it, too. At least around here there’s only two other people I have to compete with.” Her eyes narrowed at you. “Maybe three, huh?”

”She’s not staying for dinner,” Joel said. “Unless you want to …?”

”Thank you, but I should probably get going. I left work early today and there’s some stuff I need to take care of before I go in tomorrow.” If it had just been him and Sarah, you would have said yes in a heartbeat.

Sarah came back out of the barn and took Guapo’s reins. “Way to just stand there, Ellie,” she said. “You could have helped.”

”I thought I was a guest,” Ellie whined, as she followed Sarah and Guapo into the barn.

”It’s still polite to offer help,” Sarah said.

”Sorry, I wasn’t raised in a barn like some people,” Ellie replied.

Joel shook his head. “Those two. Ellie’s in foster care. Nice family but poor kid’s been bounced around so much she keeps a wall up. She likes Sarah, though. And she’d never admit it, but she loves the ponies. Caught her braiding flowers into Sebastian’s mane one day.”

He walked you back to your car. “So, I guess I’ll see you on the day of the party.” He shuffled his boots in the gravel.

“Yeah, I guess so,” you replied. “Um, thanks again for the ride. I had a lot of fun. Although my backside might have another opinion by the time I get home.” You rubbed at the seat of your jeans.

”You and your backside are welcome any time,” he said. “And I meant it about that date after the party. We’ll go somewhere nice, I promise. You won’t have to wear jeans.”

”Anywhere is fine if it’s with you,” you said without thinking. “I mean … I’m not fussy. I don’t expect a first date to be …”

Joel ducked his head and smiled. “I hear ya,” he said. “I just want it to be special because I think you’re pretty special. I mean, doing all this for your niece … you’re a good aunt.”

”Just kiss her already,” Ellie yelled from the barn. “There’s barn chores to do, Mr. M!”

Joel shook his head. “I swear, if that kid hadn’t already had such a rough life …” He leaned forward and kissed you on the cheek. “That’s an IOU for a real kiss. Once you’re no longer a customer.”

”I expect full payment on that,” you said. “I’ll see you at the party.”

You got into your car and pulled out. Joel stood watching you drive away and you got butterflies in your stomach. Maybe this whole party thing was turning out to be more of a present for yourself than for Ashley.

*************************************************************

The morning of the party was pure chaos. Ashley couldn’t decide which princess dress to wear, the baby was fussy, your brother-in-law had a cold and was sneezing his head off, and your sister was about ready to break down in tears.

”I’ve got this,” you said as soon as you arrived at their house. “Ashley, why don’t you wear the purple dress? It’ll match your cake. And you can wear your jeans underneath so it’ll be more comfortable riding the ponies.” You took Jacob and started to bounce him up and down. “Sis, go get yourself ready.” You turned to your brother-in-law. “And you, go take a dose of DayQuil and then sit down and rest.”

Eventually, everyone was in the minivan and ready to go. You volunteered to drive, since you knew the way. Your sister sat in the passenger seat beside you.

”Thank you again for planning all this,” she said. “I know it was a lot of work, but Ashley is so excited to ride the ponies.”

”Well, it wasn’t all that hard,” you admitted. “Joel’s got a really nice set up and he took care of all the details. All I have to do is show up and pay the bill.”

”You like him, don’t you? I can tell by the way your face lights up when you talk about him. And you’ve been talking about him an awful lot for someone you’re doing business with.” She winked.

”I do like him,” you said. “We’re going to go out soon. After the party is over, when I’m not a client anymore.”

”Good for you. You deserve it.”

You were the first car to arrive, which made you sigh with relief. Sarah waved at you from the barn. “Welcome! Is this the birthday girl?”

”It is,” you said, leading Ashley over while your sister and brother-in-law got Jacob out of his car seat. “Ashley, this is Sarah. Her daddy owns this place.”

”Lady Sarah Miller at your service, Your Majesty,” Sarah said with a curtsy. “You’re the princess today, so let’s get your crown!”

She led you through the barn and both you and Ashley gasped when you saw the party area. There were pink and purple streamers and balloons hanging from the roof and every table had a runner of white butcher paper and several small buckets of crayons. A big gold painted armchair sat at the end of the table closest to the gift table. It was draped with purple cloth and a glittery plastic crown sat on a purple cushion.

”This is your throne,” Sarah said. “Because it’s your special day and you’re the princess, you get to sit in the best seat in the house.” She helped Ashley put on the crown and secure it to her hair with bobby pins.

“And now, before your guests arrive, let’s meet your unicorn!”

Joel appeared, leading a white pony with a golden horn attached to its forehead. Its mane had been dyed all the colors of the rainbow. “This is Alabaster,” he said gently, crouching down to Ashley’s level. “She’s a very special unicorn and she only comes to visit the farm on days when there’s a princess here. So we’re lucky you came.”

Ashley fell in love with Alabaster and immediately started petting her. Sarah showed her how to offer carrots on a flat palm so that Alabaster couldn’t accidentally nip her. “Unicorns love carrots,” Sarah said. “They’re like candy to them, so sometimes they get a little bit greedy, just like we do. So we have to be careful they don’t hurt us with their magical teeth.”

You turned to Joel. “This is beautiful,” you said. “She’s going to remember this day for the rest of her life. Thank you.”

”Just doin’ my job,” Joel said. “Although we did throw in a few extra touches special for Ashley. And there’s one more surprise just for you.” He gestured for you to follow him. Around the side of the barn stood Guapo, his mane braided with flowers and a silvery unicorn horn parting his forelock. “Sarah and Ellie thought you might enjoy a unicorn of your own. Ellie did the mane, believe it or not.”

“Oh, Joel, he’s … he’s beautiful.” You stroked Guapo’s face. The gelding looked a bit embarrassed to be all gussied up, but he leaned into your hand. “But you know a real unicorn can only be tamed by a maiden fair. And it’s been a long time since I was a maiden, if you know what I mean.”

Joel grinned. “Well, Guapo’s a special kind of unicorn. He doesn’t care about all that. He just looks for a woman who’s pure of heart, the kind of woman who would go to great lengths to give her niece a special birthday.” He laid his hand on Guapo’s face, his fingers just brushing against yours. “And as his human sponsor, I for one have no use for fair maidens.” His voice lowered. “I like my ladies a bit more experienced.”

”Oh, I know how to ride,” you said. “Guapo can tell you that.”

“Well, there’s a difference between what Guapo and I expect on a ride,” he said. “But we can talk about that later. Right now, we’ve got a pony party to put on!”

********************************************************************

”Damn, girl, you weren’t kidding when you said you knew how to ride,” Joel said, his hands digging into your hips. You were straddling him, his cock buried deep within you, chasing your second orgasm of the night.

“Helps if you have a good mount,” you said. “One who’s well trained, knows what he’s doing, and listens to your cues.” You worked your hips against him, inching ever closer to a climax.

Joel bucked under you. “Helps the mount if the rider is good,” he panted. “Gotta work as a team.”

You’d had dinner at a local Italian restaurant and then had gone back to his place. Sarah was spending the night with a friend, so you had the whole house to yourselves.

Your body stiffened as you tipped over the edge, and Joel soon followed you, giving one final thrust as he spent himself inside you. “Hot damn,” he said, as you slid off of him, careful not to disturb the condom. “I don’t normally do this on a first date, you know.”

You flopped down beside him. “Neither do I,” you said. “But with Sarah out of the house it was too good an opportunity to pass up, don’t you think?”

He disposed of the condom and brought a washcloth from the bathroom. After you had cleaned yourselves up, he gently held your chin. “I like you,” he said seriously. “Sarah likes you. The horses like you. I think … maybe we can make this work.”

”So do I,” you said. “I want to try, as least.”

”Guapo’s a good judge of character,” he said.

”Unicorns usually are.”

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #horses #ponies #unicorns #the last of us AU

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kimmiessimmies · 9 days

Text

Last Will and Testament of Edna Lloyd

*** Please note that the writing below is purely fictional and serves as an addendum to the most recent chapter of A Taste of Honey; Wistfulness. It's long, but I hope you'll read it anyway, as many things written here will be relevant as the story continues.***

This is the last will of me, Edna Lloyd, of 362 Dandywood Lane, Appaloosa Plains. I declare that at the time of writing this last will, I am of sound mind and body.

I appoint my son, Oliver Lloyd, to be the executor and trustee of this will.

...

In the event of my passing, I declare my assets to be divided as stated below.

A) To be transferred to my son, Oliver Lloyd and his wife, Claire Lloyd; my house and the grounds on which it stands.

B) To divide equally among my grandchildren, Eva Adams-Wyler, James Wyler, Sarah Wyler and Daniel Lloyd; all my monetary assets. At the current time of writing, it is estimated to be around §1.500.000. Anything that’s added to that amount between the time of writing and my passing shall also be divided among the persons stated above.

C)To deliver to my apprentice and dear friend, Dante Moretti; all my paintings unsold at the time of my death. Both finished and unfinished.

...

I would like to conclude this will by writing some personal messages to my family and loved ones.

Ollie, my boy, I left my dear old house to you because it’s a beautiful place to grow old in. However, I know you and Claire are happy where you are, so I leave it to your good judgment what will happen to it. If you wish to sell it, that’s quite alright. I wish you a long and healthy life, my dear. May love live long.

Sweet Eva, my beautiful first grandchild, I will be forever proud of the woman you have become. I feel blessed to have known my great-grandchildren in my lifetime and I thank you for bringing them into my world. I’m sure you’ll use the money I left you wisely and for good. I hope luck will be forever on your side.

My lovely James, I know living in duty of your art can be a tough life. But my darling, you have such a talent; please don’t let it go to waste. Let your music be your home forever more. I hope that my inheritance will help you to do that. I shall forever be your number-one fan.

My dear Sarah, I know you have big dreams, and I have every faith you’ll make each one of them a reality. You’ve always been strong and determined, and I hope you’ll stay that way for many years to come.

Danny, my sweetheart, I sometimes worry your heart is too big for this world. I know taking care of others brings you joy, but honey, I hope you’ll use the money I left you to take care of you, too. You deserve every bit of happiness, my sweet boy.

Patty, you are my daughter, and therefore I want to say a few words to you, too. I can imagine you might feel left out because I didn’t include you in the official part of my will. I do want to leave you something; valuable advice. During your lifetime, you’ve always found it difficult to consider that not every person experiences everything the same way. I’ve tried, as your mother, to broaden your perspective but haven’t succeeded. I hope, for the sake of your children and your grandchildren, you’ll take my advice to sometimes swallow your words and try to look at things from another perspective. Trust me, it will widen your view of the world, and that can be a beautiful thing.

And finally, to Dante, my unexpected friend during the final stage of my life, I thank you for your kind attention to this old woman. You’re a lovely and very talented young man. I do hope you spread your wings and find some friends your own age, my dear. Never give up on your authenticity. It’s a great thing.

In loving memory of Edna Lloyd

16 September 1924 - 22 March 2008

#I know this is nothing like a real will #Playing the fiction card here #The ellipsis indicates more boring stuff I've skipped over #atoh extra #ts3 #the sims 3 #sims 3 #sims story #Edna Lloyd

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u2fangirlie-blog · 24 days

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Good Omens Aziraphale's Sad Bastard Breakup Playlist

After the breakup, Aziraphale has a new job in heaven, having taken Gabriel’s vacant position. Aziraphale is haunted by sad music reminding him of his time with Crowley. The songs are dramatic, tragic, melancholic, angry, wistful, romantic, and sentimental. How does he listen to music at his new job in the head office? Are material objects allowed? Does he keep a secret stash of tea, cake, and records and a phonograph player in his office? Does he have a celestial radio that can tune in Earth radio stations? Does he sneak off to Earth to hang out in record shops and bookstores? Or more dramatically and emotionally torturously, does he remember every note, every nuance, every feeling, of every song and replay them in his mind? He's stuffing his face with angel food cake and tea while crying and listening to sad bastard songs and hiding from Michael and the Metatron.

See note after list on song selection process.

Songs include:

“Lacrimosa” – Mozart, Requiem in D Minor, Vienna Mozart Orchestra

“Commendatore” – Mozart, Don Giovanni, Amadeus film soundtrack

“Ja, tot katoramu vnimala” – Rubenstein, The Demon, Nicolai Ghiaurov

“D’amour l’ardente flemme” – Berlioz, The Damnation of Faust, Maria Callas

“Liebestod” – Wagner, Tristan and Isolde, Waltraud Meier

“Ach ich fuhls” – Mozart, The Magic Flute, Gundula Janowitz

“Thy hand, Belinda … When I am laid in earth” – Purcell, Dido and Aeneas, Janet Baker

“E lucevan la stelle” – Puccini, Tosca, Placido Domingo

“Celeste Aidia” – Verdi, Aida, Mario Lanza

“Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen” Mahler, Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau

“Der Wanderer” – Schubert, Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau

“Love is a Plaintive Song” – Gilbert and Sullivan, Patience, D’Oyly Carte Opera Company

“I am a Courtier Grave and Serious” – Gilbert and Sullivan, The Gondoliers, D’Oyly Carte Opera Company

“The Gentleman is a Dope” – Rodgers and Hammerstein, Allegro, Blossom Dearie

“A Hymn to Him” – Lerner and Lowe, My Fair Lady, Rex Harrison

“Could I Leave You?” – Sondheim, Follies, Alexis Smith

“We Do Not Belong Together” – Sondheim, Sunday in the Park with George, Bernadette Peters and Mandy Patinkin

“On My Own” – Schonberg, Les Misérables, Frances Ruffelle

“As Long as He Needs Me” – Bert, Oliver, Judy Garland

“Stranger in Paradise” – Wright and Forest, Kismet, Richard Kiley and Doretta Morrow

“A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” – Sherwin and Maschwitz, Vera Lynn

“Night and Day” – Porter, The Gay Divorcee, Ella Fitzgerald

“I’ve Got You Under My Skin” – Porter, Born to Dance, Shirley Bassey

“Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” – Rodgers and Heart, Pal Joey, Sarah Vaughan

“They Can’t Take That Away From Me” – Gershwin, Shall We Dance, Fred Astaire

“Mon Deu” – Dumont and Vaucaire, Edith Piaf

“Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” – Dumont and Vaucaire, Edith Piaf

P.S.: Aziraphale likes Les Mis because it reminds him of that time Crowley rescued him from the Bastille. Don't tell anyone. It's a big secret.

P.P.S.: “Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered” reminds him of the time he and Crowley got drunk in the backroom at the bookshop the day the anti-Christ was delivered to Earth. Basically, this song reminds him of every time they went out for drinks or stayed in and drank.

P.P.P.S.: “I am a Courtier Grave and Serious” was the song Aziraphale planned to play when trying to tempt Crowley into learning the gavotte. It reminds him of the ball in the bookstore when he finally danced with Crowley.

P.P.P.P.S.: “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” is as close as Aziraphale can get to telling the world and Crowley to eff off. He has no more effs to give. Or at least he’s trying to convince himself he no longer gives a f***. He’s going off to his new job at the head office and Do Good.

Note on song selection:

I selected songs that thematically fit with the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley. I think the songs tell a story of Aziraphale’s struggle to reconcile his conflicted motivations. They reflect Aziraphale’s fears and desires. He fears being hauled off to hell for disobedience. He fears Crowley’s death and being alone in the world. He desires to be emotionally intimate with Crowley. (Dare he risk physical intimacy with Crowley?) He feels self-righteously indignant, but he’s soft and squishy and weepy and misses his best friend.

I don’t have much knowledge of opera or musical theater, but I have some experience with choir and solo performance. I did a lot of research into opera, art songs, musicals, showtunes, and standards to create a playlist on YouTube. Selections were based on availability, popularity, and sound quality. My big question was whether or not Aziraphale is a strict originalist or if he likes different versions of songs. In some places, I chose newer versions over original versions due to the sound quality of the recordings. I tried to keep selections accessible to a wide audience with varying degrees of musical knowledge. You may not like my choices, so your mileage may vary. You can make your own playlist.

You can listen to it on YouTube.

#good omens 2 #neil gaiman #aziraphale #crowley #breakup #sad bastard music #angry love songs #breakup playlist #playlist

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vendetta-if · 7 months

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hello i have to Say i didnt play the game yet im actually going through the tags and im already in love with it (specially Ash)

And i have a few questions :

What would be Luka and jackal reaction to see kotsya bonding with his cousin vendetta MC? especially if MC is like Viktor 2.0?

What is MC full name ? Is it something like : MC Viktoyevna Morozova if a girl? (basing on Alina name)

What would be jackal reaction if MC calls him uncle Arty?

I had another question but its too complicated for me to explain so im leaving it on stand by

Hope you have a good day

-sarah

Hi Sarah! 😄 Thanks for the kind words, and do let me know what you think once you've gotten around to reading my story! 💖 And hope you and everyone who's reading this have a good day!

As for your questions:

For first question, honestly Luka and Jackal would be very happy to see their son bonding with his cousin nicely, especially Luka who is a strong believer of family over everything and prioritizing family. If your Vendetta MC is like Viktor 2.0, he would just find it amusing to see how two of them interact since Kostya (Sequel MC's big brother) is also similar to Viktor in some aspects--social, charming, teasing, but more capable of ruthlessness. There would also probably be a tinge of wistfulness as he reminisces on his own brotherly relationship with Viktor a long time ago.

For second question, basically, yes. It's a bit more complicated in the sense that Viktor actually registered MC with the fake last name he adopted when he ran away and started a new life in Elysium City, and this fake last name is the one that you'll be picking in the beginning. But honestly, most of the time in the game, MC's true last name as a Morozov will be more relevant and brought up in the story--especially since Viktor's dead now and Luka has been raising them for years.

But yeah, you'll get a chance to turn off the patronymic name in the game's menu if it doesn't fit with non-Russian last name you might have given your MC. If you let it on, then the patronymic and Morozov last name would automatically be assigned after you pick your MC's gender (except for NB MC who will have an option to pick feminine surname if they want to and choosing that would automatically make their patronymic "Viktorovna" and Morozov last name to "Morozova". If not, then they would default to "Viktorovich" and "Morozov").

As for your third question, Jackal would be embarrassed and a bit flustered. No one has ever called him that and it makes him feel a bit old 😭But yeah, it also depends on whether he's still dating Luka or whether he's already engaged/married to him.

If still on dating phase, he would complain with red cheeks that it's too soon for MC to be calling him Uncle, much less a more affectionate nickname, Uncle Arty. If on engagement or married phase, he would just cough awkwardly to try his best to cover his embarrassment and ask MC to try not call him that in front of other people than family.

#asks #anon ask #if: vendetta #char: konstantin #char: luka #char: jackal #char: mc #info #vendetta if #if vendetta #if game #if wip #dashingdon #choicescript #hosted games #cyoa

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cowgurrrl · 10 months

Note

Ok maybe I love angst???? I know you wrote readers perspective during break up but what about Joel’s perspective seeing pap pics or posts from crew, knowing Sarah and Ellie still chat with reader?

Sick and FUCKING TWISSSTTTEEEDDDD

but yes 😈

Night Shift

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: “Some days, I want to spit me out, the whole mess of me, but mostly I am good

and quiet.” - Camille Rankine, “Emergency Management” [1.3k]

Warnings: angst, Joel being the best dad, I think that’s it??

The first thing he said to the girls when he told them about the breakup was, "But if you still want to have a relationship with her, that's totally up to you. I know you guys both really liked her." And it was true. After years of being more or less a single dad, he wasn't about to pry the first woman he'd introduced to them from their hands. He reasoned that they were old enough to make their own decisions regarding their relationships. Who was he to take that away? He just wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did.

When Sarah got into UCLA, he took the girls to a fancy dinner downtown. He's always been one to shower his daughters in love and adoration, especially when one of them hits a huge milestone and especially now that he has the resources to do so. The night was filled with laughter, wistful ideas about the future, and a few tears on Joel's part. He put his own schooling on hold to raise Sarah, and now, to see her accomplish something he never did, it's warranted for him to be a little emotional.

Those emotions are still fresh when he wakes up to Sarah sitting at the kitchen table, a beautiful flower vase on the counter. He walks over to where she's sitting and kisses her head before asking who the flowers are from. He expects them to be from his parents or even Tommy and Maria to celebrate the good news, but when Sarah says your name, everything in him freezes.

"I texted her when I found out because she helped me with applications and stuff. I didn't know she was gonna send anything." She says sheepishly, but Joel composes himself and shakes his head.

"That's perfectly fine, baby. It was nice of her to send you something pretty." He recovers, and she smiles as she walks over to the vase and plucks a note between the petals.

"She sent a nice note, too. D'you wanna read it?" She asks. He rocks back on his heels, glancing between the flowers and the soft smile on his daughter's face. She wouldn't offer if she didn't want him to read it. He nods weakly, and she hands him the tiny notecard, rereading it over his shoulder.

For SBM,

Congratulations on getting into UCLA! I'm proud of you every day but especially today. You're going to do amazing things, kid, and I can't wait to see what they are.

Love you

Then, under the heartfelt note are your initials. Joel stares at them like it's enough to fix the past and bring you back to California. Sarah notices and wraps her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. He takes a deep breath and kisses her temple.

"That was very nice, honey. D'you text her to say thank you?"

"Yeah, but she's ahead by a few hours, so she probably won't see it for a while," she mumbles. "Have you talked to her since she left?" He thinks about lying to soften the blow for her as all good parents do, but she'd see right through that.

"Don't think she'd wanna hear from me."

"That's not true."

"She's workin'. I'm pretty sure the last thing she wants right now is to hear from her ex."

"How do you know?" She challenges, and he gives her a look.

"What?"

"How do you know the last thing she wants is to hear from you? What if she's waiting for you to make the first move?"

"Sarah." He says, shaking his head.

"I'm just saying you never know until you try! You, obviously, cared about each other. That doesn't just go away overnight." She says, throwing her arms up in defeat.

"It's not that simple."

"Because you still love her."

"Because I fucked up," he says. He makes it a point not to curse in front of the girls very often, but they can always tell when he's upset because it slips out. Old habits die hard, right? Sarah stands there, staring at her dad, as he thinks. "I hurt her, and when you hurt someone, you don't get to decide when things are okay again. I hurt her, and she did what she had to, and I have to respect that."

"You could tell her Angela disappeared again. Maybe that'd make it better?" She suggests, and Joel's heart breaks all over again. Sarah put a lot of faith in Angela this time. They all did. He thought she had turned a corner, and she had, but that didn't mean she was ready to step up for his daughter. She said as much in her letter. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'll only hurt Sarah. Tell her I love her, but I can't be the mother she needs. I don't know that I ever will be. Just like that, he was left to pick up the pieces again.

He reaches for her and pulls her into a tight hug. She rests her head on his chest, and he rubs her back. They stay like that for a long time, tears falling from both. He tells her it's not her fault. Angela is sick, and she has been for a long time. It's not an excuse, but it's a reason. He tells her he wishes she could be better for her, that she deserves a mother whose presence doesn't bring pain. He tells her he loves her and he's always here for her. He wishes so deeply that he could take this pain away from her and erase any bad memories of her mother. In a perfect world, maybe they could co-parent or, at least, see each other at family events every couple of years. But this is not a perfect world, and they both know it. So, like always, Joel holds his baby girl and tries to make things okay for her.

"I love you, Dad," Sarah whispers after a long silence. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For always trying." She says. The words rattle in Joel's skull, and he immediately tears up again. He clears his throat and kisses her head again to hide the tears.

"I love you, kiddo. With everything I am." He says. When she looks up at him, he wipes his tears and claps his hands together.

"Alright, no more bein' sad. What does the college girl want for breakfast?" He asks, opening the pantry to search for something to make. He smiles as he reaches up on the top shelf and pulls down a box. "Pancakes?" Sarah's face doesn't change, and he raises his eyebrows at her. "C'mon, when you were a little girl, these were all you wanted to eat. Used to ask for 'em for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pretty sure Abuela Lucy thought I didn't know how to make anythin' else." He teases, floating the box in front of her face mischievously. "You know you want 'em. I can see it in your eyes."

"Alright, fine, but we're coming back to your love life later." She finally smiles.

"Whatever you want, pumpkin."

Ellie wakes up to the smell of pancakes and the sound of their laughter, completely in the dark about their earlier conversation. With his girls, Joel makes pancakes and listens to them bicker and make plans for the day. Maybe, in another universe, you'd be there with him, enjoying the sunshine and flour-stained countertops. In another universe, Joel doesn't have to apologize to his daughter on behalf of a mother who doesn't care. In another universe, you're a weird, blended family who isn't perfect, but goddammit, do you try your best to be good for each other. The bittersweet thought rings in Joel's ears, and he has to shrug it away.

It's okay, he thinks. It's nice to still have dreams, right?

#Joel finally getting to make pancakes for Sarah #OH GOD IVE BEEN HIT #one for the money two for the show #one for the money two for the show request #rockstar!joel x actress!reader #rockstar!joel miller #tlou au #the last of us au #joel miller angst #the last of us angst

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delicateflowerss · 1 year

Text

Heartless: Part Two

Series Masterlist

After crashing a party, you know better than anyone that Rafe Cameron has no heart.

Warnings: 18+, DUB-CON, ANAL, dark!rafe, pogue!reader, violence, blood, drugs, blood kink, slight degradation, underage drinking, mention of food, non-canon ages (pogues are aged up)

5k words, thanks for waiting <3

You’re not sure what’s changed since the night of Rafe’s party.

You wish you could say that a shift has occurred inside you, making you forget everything you know and feel about Rafe Cameron.

You’re worried the opposite has happened instead. Sometimes you stare at your phone, waiting for it to light up with his name. Thinking he’ll have a change of heart, unblocking you.

You can’t get him off your mind, every memory of him plays over and over again. You dissect each thing he’s done, every word he’s said to you, looking for an answer. Just something that tells you that he didn’t mean what he said. That he’s just lying, that he must actually like you, at least a little bit.

That’s what you tell yourself. Even if it’s a lie.

Because the truth would be too much to bear.

“You’re such a liar.”

“Why would I lie about almost getting my leg ripped off? The thing was this close to me,” JJ moves his hand close to his face, gesturing wildly.

Kie just splashes him, not believing anything he’s saying.

Pope mutters under his breath. “Yeah right.”

“Whatever. None of you would last a second with a gator that close to you. At least I know how to get myself out of situations like that,” he rambles on, before splashing the warm water right back at Kie.

Sarah’s laugh rings out into the night air.

“I come bearing gifts.” John B calls out.

Everyone grabs for one of the beers he’s carrying.

“You’re welcome,” he says sarcastically, before hopping back in the hot tub.

“Aww, thank you,” Sarah says before planting a kiss on his cheek.

“No PDA in the hot tub, please,” Pope reminds them before taking a sip of his beer.

Sarah just laughs again, playfully rolling her eyes.

You don’t notice how she glances at you, her smile faltering at your wistful stare.

You try to focus on how the hot water feels on your skin. The beer loosens you up, taking you out of your head, forcing you to be in the moment with your friends. A smile finally making its way to your lips.

As you ride your bike home, you can certainly say that you had fun. You want to put Rafe in your past, and you hope tonight was the first step in that direction. But your mind wanders as your feet move on the pedals, a memory playing again in your head.

Anytime you met up with Rafe, you wished you could read his mind, be able to pull out the thoughts that lingered behind his blue eyes. Be able to know the thoughts that tortured him, the things that kept him up at night, because you know they exist.

A lot of people look at Rafe and just see a bully, someone who wants to make everyone else’s lives hell. You can’t blame anyone for thinking that.

But you see more. You see what other people don’t, the cracks in his façade.

The late nights you spent with him were calls for help. But how can you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped?

So, you helped the only way you could. Whatever he wanted from you, he could have.

One night seemed worse than the others.

You sat in his truck, the AC blowing lightly through the vents. Darkness surrounded you. Rafe had chosen somewhere with no lights, somewhere no one would see you.

You quickly noticed the bruises, one on his face, the others on his knuckles. They seemed like they were from the night before. It wasn’t uncommon for him to have them.

He would never tell you how he got them. You only could guess, making up some story in your head as he drove fast on the empty road.

But when you weren’t thinking about it, you were staring at him. When a glimmer of light fell on his face, you were surprised at what you saw. The unshed tears in his eyes.

You immediately felt bad, but you had no idea what to say.

But the tears seemed to go away when he parked. He reached for something in his pocket, pouring it out, and making lines on the dashboard. He mumbled some stupid story about something him, Kelce, and Topper did that day, only stopping to snort the white powder.

You laughed anyway, which you could tell he appreciated.

Silence settled over the two of you. He had that dazed look in his eyes. You could tell he was distracted, the coke not helping.

“Is everything okay? You seem…” Your voice sounded far away.

When he didn’t move or say anything, you were worried that you upset him.

“I don’t know why he thinks she can’t do anything wrong.” His voice cut through the silence. “I actually help out. What does she do?” He shook his head, brow furrowing.

You stared at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

“It’s always my fault.”

Your lips parted, ready to question him.

“Never Sarah’s.”

He reached up, hitting the palm of his hand on the steering wheel. The sound startled you, making you flinch.

He steadied his breathing as his jaw ticked.

You finally began to understand what he was talking about.

“Is this about your dad?”

He finally turned his head to you, almost like he just realized you were there.

He had a sneer on his face, and the fear that he might direct his anger towards you flashed in your mind.

Instead, he turned away.

“It doesn’t matter.”

That was the end of that. You were worried that you ruined the whole night. But he got what he came to you for, your moans filling up the parked truck.

Something is in the air today, something new and different. You hope your positive mood is a reflection of how things might be getting better.

Kie was able to convince her parents to give you all free food during a slow time at The Wreck. JJ and John B taking full advantage of it, shoveling french fries into their mouths. Everyone is hungry after a day of surfing. The smell of sea salt still lingers on your skin.

It was nice being able to ride the blue waves. You didn’t think about him once, not about how the deep blue of the ocean matches his eyes. The same eyes that would take you in before kissing you.

At least you tried not to think about him, that has to count for something.

“They think they’re so much better than everyone,” Pope remarks. His gaze fixated on a table of Kooks.

They’re whispering and laughing, glancing at your table.

JJ responds with a glare, shifting in his seat. You can tell he’s getting ready to get up and say something.

“They’re assholes. Ignore them,” you say loud enough for the table of Kooks to hear.

John B nods in agreement. “They’re not worth it.”

JJ finally gets the hint, leaning back in his chair.

Kie throws the fry she was about to eat, back in the basket before turning around in her chair and flipping them off. A smirk is on her lips.

They just roll their eyes. You can’t hear them but they no doubt mumble some insults to themselves.

She turns back around, grabbing the fry and popping it into her mouth. “And that’s all you need to do.”

“Yeah. That might work sometimes,” JJ says, taking a sip of his soda.

“So.” Sarah changes the subject, trying to stop a possible argument. “Guess who has the house to herself tonight?”

“What?”

“Really?”

“All to yourself?”

“Well… Not completely to myself.”

Sighs and groans erupt from the table.

“But Rafe said he’ll stay out of my way,” she quickly explains. “I mean he did get to throw a party last time my family was out of town. So, I get to invite whoever I want tonight.”

You start to feel your lunch rising up.

“I don’t really want to go to your house if Rafe is going to be lurking in the shadows,” Kie says with all seriousness.

“He’s not. He said he won’t be around. We have nothing to worry about.” A reassuring smile forms on Sarah’s face.

“I’m down,” John B chimes in.

One by one, everyone agrees.

Except you.

“Y/N?”

Sarah’s brow furrows when she sees the less than enthusiastic expression on your face.

You look around at everyone’s expectant faces, concern starting to creep in.

You know you have to go back one day.

You gulp. “Yeah. Sounds fun.”

Maybe you were wrong about things changing.

You try not to think about that night, how you left the Cameron house with tears running down your face, your fingers tightened around your handlebars, wishing you never went in the first place.

The house is quieter tonight, no loud music or rich kids letting loose for a night. It’s just you and your friends, Rafe nowhere to be found.

You have nothing to worry about.

Even if Rafe isn’t physically there, his presence lingers. A jacket he left on a chair, the photos on the walls. He haunts you, a ghost following you around, and you have no idea how to get rid of him.

You’ve passed by the framed pictures of Rafe as a child many times before. They used to make you smile, thinking they were cute.

Now they just make your mouth twist up, leaving you to wonder what happened? What went wrong? He used to be a kid with hopes and dreams, now he just exists to make yours and so many others lives miserable.

The night started out nice, everyone gathered in Sarah’s backyard, the blue pool sitting still. It’s gotten chilly, a hoodie wrapped around you.

Then the roar of an engine interrupts the light conversation, the sound dying in the driveway. Car doors slam shut, and raucous voices and laughter follow.

It’s not just you who tenses up, you could feel almost everyone shift. JJ’s relaxed smile turning into a straight line.

“Sarah? You said Rafe wasn’t going to be around.”

Sarah barely takes in Pope’s words, instead darting up from her seat and storming through the gate to the front yard.

Everyone else stays glued to their chairs, glancing at the others before John B is the first one to follow Sarah.

It doesn’t take long for everyone to go after him too.

“What the hell, Rafe?”

“Chill. We’re not bothering anyone.”

She scoffs in response, rolling her eyes.

You try to listen to their argument, but you’re too focused on seeing him. Your heartbeat is loud in your ears. You worry that everyone can hear it.

His hair looks tousled, curtaining over his forehead. He has that lazy smirk on his face, the one you’ve wished you could slap off. He has a slight slur to his words, his hand reaching up to wipe his nose.

You’re not sure if he’s noticed you.

“Hey, we’re not here to cause any trouble. So, you can go back to hanging out with your little Pogue friends-,” Topper starts.

“Alright, Topper,” John B mutters.

You’re inclined to think that if Rafe was on his own, he might’ve actually left you all alone. But Topper and Kelce standing on either side of him spells nothing but trouble.

“Is there a problem, John B?”

“No problem.” A sarcastic tone in his voice.

As Topper continues to argue with John B, you can hear Kelce mumble something to Rafe.

“Man, this is fucking stupid. These Pogues shouldn’t be in your house.”

You can see him mull over his words, and you feel him come to a conclusion as his eyes reaches yours.

Something you can’t name passes over those blue eyes.

All you know is it makes you wrap your jacket around you tighter, suddenly feeling colder.

“No, I just think you’re a tool,” John B’s voice rings out.

Topper bites back a humorless laugh.

“What do you think you’re doing, Pogue?” Rafe lowly asks.

Rafe sets his glare on John B, stepping closer to him.

Before John B can respond, Sarah steps in between them, her brows pulled together, staring angrily at her brother.

“Stop it, Rafe.”

“I think your boyfriend is the one who started it.”

As Sarah’s attention is on Rafe, she doesn’t notice Topper inching towards John B.

John B’s head turns right as Topper swings at him, his fist hitting his jaw.

“I’m the tool, John B?”

All you can do is take a step back, watching chaos unfold right in front of your eyes.

John B swings back at Topper as Rafe and Kelce jump in. JJ and Pope aren’t far behind. Screams leave Sarah’s throat as she begs them to stop. All she can do is stand back with you and Kie.

You feel Sarah lightly grab your arm for support, still watching with worry in her eyes. Kie starts to join Sarah in screaming at them to stop.

Yells erupt from the group as they continue to tackle and hit each other. You feel stuck, not being able to do anything but watch these boys beat the shit out of each other.

A particularly loud punch makes you cringe, JJ’s head snapping back. You’re not surprised to see that it was Rafe who dealt the blow.

Fear rises when he wraps his arm around JJ’s neck, Rafe taking it too far like usual.

He doesn’t let up.

Sarah is a little too focused on John B and Topper to see what’s happening.

“Rafe! Stop,” Kie screams, almost louder than anything else that is going on. “You’re killing him.” Her words tear from her throat.

Everyone seems to almost still at that, attention being diverted to JJ struggling in Rafe’s grasp.

When John B and Pope try to help, they’re stopped, the fighting continuing.

You don’t know what to do, just watching in horror.

JJ is finally able to lift his elbow up, a crunch coming from where it meets Rafe’s nose. He lets go, stumbling back, wiping the crimson dripping down.

This seems to be the cue for everyone else to stop, Sarah finally stopping John B and Topper.

“Are you okay?” You can hear Kie ask JJ, as he sits on the ground, catching his breath. She kneels down, eyes scanning over him.

In the corner of your eye, you see Rafe retreat, going into the house.

You hate to say it, but there’s a part of you that’s worried about him. A part of you that you want to push deep down inside.

You start to hear everyone talking about leaving, getting out of there as soon as they can. Topper and Kelce just egg them on, telling them to get off their side of the island.

As JJ taunts back, you decide to slip away, hopefully unnoticed.

You step into the brightly lit house, unsure of where Rafe is. Until you hear harsh muttering coming from the kitchen.

You find him near the sink, trying to stop the blood running from his nose.

You’re not sure what he’s saying, but as you step through the doorway, he stops. His gaze moves to your nervous frame, your arms crossed and your lip between your teeth.

As his eyes rake over your body, you anticipate what he’s going to say.

His bloody lips part but he doesn’t say anything, looking away from you, holding the red tissue between his fingers.

Regret begins to blossom, starting to think that this was a bad idea. The silence is thick in the air.

The front door opening and closing cuts through it, possibly saving you from any further embarrassment.

Possibly.

Footsteps trail behind you, stopping at the kitchen doorway. You can feel their stares on you, silently judging, with questions they weren’t sure how to form.

“Your friends were looking for you. Left without you,” Topper says, almost like he’s trying to upset you.

You frown a little at that, you didn’t hear the Twinkie drive out of here. Maybe you shouldn’t have expected them to wait for you.

“They did?”

All Topper does is nod.

Kelce shuffles past you, saying something to Rafe under his breath.

The three of them look disheveled, Rafe possibly looking the worst.

You shift uncomfortably. You can handle Rafe, sometimes, but being alone with his friends too doesn’t sit right with you.

“Well, if you leave now, you might be able to catch up to them. It would suck if you had to walk all the way back to The Cut.” Topper stares you down, his arms crossed. He really doesn’t want you there anymore.

You start to realize that’s what you might have to do.

“Hey man, I think I’ll just see you tomorrow.” You can hear Rafe say to Kelce.

“Alright, Top?” Rafe adds.

Topper snaps his head towards him.

“Oh. Yeah.”

You can see Topper and Kelce get the message. You also notice the change in Rafe’s eyes as he sets them on his friends. There’s something sinister lurking behind them. But you get a feeling that it’s not directed towards them.

They can’t help but glance at you on their way out, confusion still evident.

“Later, man,” Kelce says before they both make their way home.

You feel your stomach lurch at being left alone with him, again. This time it’s different, he wants you alone.

He hasn’t even said a word to you.

You just feel the heat of his stare on you. It’s dark and hungry, like he’s a beast who wants to devour you and you’re just a helpless little animal.

The blood on him doesn’t help. You’re not sure if it’s his that is sprayed on his shirt. There’s still some on his face from his nose, along with blood he hasn’t even bothered cleaning up from his busted lip, covering his chin and the side of his face.

JJ really did a number on him, but you know JJ didn’t look much better.

“Are you okay?” You decide to be the one to interrupt the silence.

All he does is chuckle, his lips turning up into a smirk.

“Are you worried about me?” He asks, the smirk leaving his face.

You’re not sure how to answer that, eyes moving anywhere but to him.

You hear him step closer to you, finally gazing up at him again.

“It’s just you have a bunch of…” You motion to your face, trying to get the point across.

He just walks closer to you.

Your shoulder hits the doorway as you feel him press up against you, your breath hitching in your throat.

“Does it bother you?” He speaks quietly and lowly, like other people are around and he doesn’t want them to hear.

All you can do is slowly shake your head no.

His eyes darken at that.

Blood doesn’t bother you if it means that he’ll touch you again, be close to you again.

He kisses your open mouth. It’s bruising the way he kisses you, taking your breath away.

“You’re ditching your friends for this,” he mumbles between kisses.

You can taste the blood on his lips, the coppery taste mixing with the taste of him.

“For me.”

You flatten your hand on his toned chest, feeling the muscles underneath his shirt. His fingers find the back of your neck, the rough touches feeling familiar.

You can feel yourself want him, need him.

Anything and everything that he’s said to you, gone in an instance. How can he hurt you when he makes you feel this good?

He takes his lips away from you, both of you out of breath.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he whispers.

You don’t hesitate to follow him.

His room looks almost exactly the same as the last time you saw it. But still, you feel like you need to drink in every detail, putting them in the part of your brain that can’t stop thinking about Rafe as hard as you try.

You don’t want to say the L word, but sometimes you wonder if it’s true about your feelings towards him.

He doesn’t waste any time in pulling you in again, crashing his lips onto yours. He brings you to his bed, pushing you down onto the mattress.

Sighs leave your lips as he drags his down your neck, nipping and leaving harsh kisses in his trail. His fingers fiddle with the button on your pants, pulling them and your underwear down.

You open your legs wider as he runs his finger through your slick folds, rubbing your bundle of nerves. Your eyes roll back at the feeling.

He pushes two of his fingers into you. The ring on his finger cold inside you. You can hear his breathing get heavier as a moan escapes your lips. He curls them just at the right spot.

“Rafe,” you sigh out.

“Does this feel good?”

You nod as he moves his thumb to your swollen clit, rubbing faster. You buck your hips involuntarily.

You see his lips part as he watches your cunt swallow his fingers.

“C’mon, cum for me,” he rasps in your ear, his nose pressed against your hair.

A ragged moan leaves your throat as you’re pushed over the edge, soaking his fingers.

He takes them out of you, taking in the mess you made.

“You gotta clean them for me.” Pushing his fingers into your mouth without a reply from you.

He stares at you intently as you suck on his fingers, tongue swirling around them, even his ring. You take in the taste of yourself, not minding it.

Taking his fingers away, he already starts to take the rest of your clothes off.

“Since I did something for you,” he says, taking his own clothes off. “You wanna do something for me?”

You get up on your elbows, staring at him with your brows drawn together.

He pulls his boxers down, leaving him completely bare. He’s hard, tip leaking with pre-cum.

He gets back on the bed, crawling on top of you.

“I want to cum in your ass.”

“What?”

You should’ve known something was up when he fingered you, caring about your pleasure for once. You’re not saying Rafe doesn’t make you feel good in bed, but overall, he’s selfish.

“You’ve let me do it before.”

“That was a while ago, Rafe. Before…” You can’t finish your sentence.

He hooks his fingers under your chin, making you look at him.

“C’mon, be a good girl for me,” he tries to speak gently but his impatience wears through. “After what happened tonight, don’t you think I deserve it?” He looks at you like you don’t really have a choice.

You don’t feel like upsetting him again, wishing things would go back to the way they were. No isn’t in your vocabulary when it comes to Rafe.

“Okay.”

He flips you over, laying you on your stomach. You feel him touch you, testing out the waters.

He dips a finger in, and you wince a little at the stretch. Then another finger.

You anticipate him entering you, how it’s going to feel. Rafe doesn’t have lube lying around, you learned that last time. He uses spit instead, no doubt coating his cock right now.

You start to feel the tip of his cock at your hole, inching in slowly.

“Relax,” he breathes out.

He continues, feeling you stretch around him. All you can do is clutch the sheets, your mouth open against the mattress.

He moans as his hips are finally flush against your ass. His arm is right next to your face and all you can do is stare at the veins in his forearm.

He starts to move, slowly thrusting in and out of you. It hurts, but not as much as last time. The slight stinging dulling as he keeps going.

You do find pleasure in it, your cunt getting wetter and wetter, throbbing as his hips slap against you. His thrusts are still slow, and you can feel him deep inside you. No one else going as deep as him.

He continues to moan, watching his cock disappear inside you, feeling you wrapped around him. The feeling he’s been thinking about since the last time.

“Maybe this is all you’re good for, letting me fuck your tight, little ass.”

You feel his fingers thread in your hair, leaning down closer to you, kissing your shoulder, his harsh breathing in your ear.

You feel him get closer, his thrusts getting sloppy.

He lets out one final moan as he stills, flooding your insides with his cum.

You always think sex with Rafe is what you need, it’ll make you feel better, solve all of your problems.

But that’s never the case.

Instead, you feel hollow, lonelier than before. You feel that way now, like you’ve made some grave mistake that you don’t fully understand the consequences of.

He made you wait while he took a shower, laying in his bed until he got done. You liked the feeling, being near him like that. The sound of the shower almost calming, domestic. But it’s not a thought you can stay on for too long, that this is something you’ll ever have with him.

He’ll get a girlfriend one day. Some girl he can find reason to love.

Just not you. Not some Pogue.

He ended up driving you home. The car ride was silent, neither of you finding anything to say. His hair was still damp, clinging to his forehead. You wanted to kiss him before you got out of his truck. But you settled for a goodnight instead.

You thought the consequences of your mistake would be the promise of wallowing in self-pity. But it’s way worse than that.

You rode your bike to The Chateau, hoping for a distraction from Rafe.

Instead, you’re greeted with frowns, worry, even anger. The slams of the screen door startling you, as they all gather outside to meet you.

“What happened to you last night?”

Before you can even say “hi,” Kie is already asking about your disappearance.

“What?”

“Last night. We were trying to find you. How did you even get home?” Sarah joins in on interrogating you.

“I…” You hesitate, trying to think of an excuse. You can feel their eyes on you, wanting an answer.

“You haven’t really been yourself lately, Y/N. We’ve all noticed,” Pope explains.

“Geez, I didn’t know I was walking into an intervention.” Anger seeps into your words.

“We’re just worried… and confused,” JJ adds. You grimace a little at the bruises on his face.

Silence settles over the group.

“Does this have to do with Rafe?”

Sarah’s question makes you still, your jaw going slack.

Everyone else looks more confused than before, and you realize that this is something Sarah is realizing for herself.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m way off base here. But you just acted so weird yesterday when I invited you over.” She pauses, glancing over you. “And I know you haven’t even wanted to come over… for a while now. And the only thing I can think of, is something happened between you and Rafe.”

She’s not accusing you of anything, she’s just guessing. You’re not sure if you should keep the lies up. They could find out one day, and they’ll hate you more for not having told them, having been given the chance.

“Sarah…” You don’t know how to start. Your eyes glued to the ground.

“Did something bad happen? Did he do something…”

“No. I mean, not like that. I don’t know.” It’s like it physically pains you to say it.

“What, are you in love with him or something? That’s the only thing that makes sense because it seemed like you didn’t care about your friends at all last night.” Calling Kie angry would be an understatement.

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” You cross your arms, starting to get riled up. “I made a mistake, okay? But it’s not like that. It’s in the past and… it was stupid.”

You hate calling it that, but that’s all you can say.

“You slept with him?” Kie asks, eyebrows raised.

“Eww,” JJ mutters.

“I’m gonna throw up,” Pope says under his breath.

“Is that what you’re saying? Because I don’t know-.”

“Yes,” you interrupt her.

You’re digging your own grave, but you can’t stop now.

Another silence takes over, the realization washing over everyone’s faces. It hurts to see it, how they look at you differently, almost like you’re someone they don’t even know.

“And how long has that been going on for?” Sarah asks, restrained emotion hiding in her voice.

“Months. A few months.” Your voice is quiet, almost cracking. “But we stopped.”

“Then what happened last night? Why did you leave?”

You close your eyes, getting caught in another lie.

“Last night was a mistake. But it’s not going to happen again.”

Sarah quietly scoffs, looking away from you.

“How can we believe you?” Kie asks, demanding an explanation. “You’ve been lying to us this whole time.”

Before you can get a word in, John B cuts in.

“You know how horrible he is. Look at JJ’s face. He almost killed him.”

Sarah finally looks to you again, the glimmer of unshed tears in her eyes. It makes your heart ache.

“I just don’t know how you can say that you’re our friend when you’ve lied to our faces.” Sarah pauses. “Lied to my face. And it’s not just about the lying, you obviously only did it because you knew how upset we would be. It’s selfish, Y/N.”

Now you feel your own eyes sting, her words cutting deep. Now you’re being buried alive, the dirt in your lungs from your own deception.

“I’m really sorry.” A tear finally falling down your cheek, wiping it quickly.

“I just don’t know if I can forgive you right now.” Sarah frowns, almost like she wishes she could feel differently.

“Yeah. I don’t really feel like being friends with a liar,” Kie says.

You can see the betrayal on their faces, everyone in agreement that they don’t want you around anymore.

All you can do is hang your head low, getting back on your bike.

You’re buried deep, no one around to find you, gone forever.

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pluckysidekick · 4 months

Text

It’s Wednesday, my fellow Drewds! Going into the holidays I can’t help thinking about how our favorite Crew are celebrating the holidays. Can’t wait for all of the @secretsleuthexchange fics, gifsets, and fanvids we’re going to get!

In the meantime, I was inspired by a poll from @burningblake about which classic “standard” song best represents Nace (all excellent choices). I wound up making a Season 4 playlist of standards from the Great American Songbook, and a few other classic tracks, that represent their Season 4 journey for me. If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here we go!

I’ll be linking the Spotify tracks, but you should be able to find them all on Apple Music or YouTube. If you want a link to the full playlist, just hit me up here or on Discord.

1. The Nearness of You - This Hoagy Carmichael classic brings to mind Nancy and Ace’s inability to stay apart every time they’re near each other in Episode 401 🥺. I love the Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong duet, but I picked Norah Jones’ version from her 2002 debut album because it’s just so perfectly wistful.

2. Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby - this so so cool track was written by Louis Jordan, but I first heard it on Tom and Jerry (that’s the fighting cat and mouse cartoon in case you’re too young to remember them). I immediately envision the back and forth argument Nancy and Ace have throughout Episode 402 in the lyrics of this song. Ace just wants to know! I adore Joe Jackson’s version, but I went with Dinah Washington and Quincy Jones from 1956 because it is absolutely perfect.

3. Night and Day - I like to imagine that Nancy and Ace stayed up all night talking at the end of 402. This song perfectly embodies their relationship at this stage 🥹. It was written by Cole Porter for Fred Astaire to sing in the original ‘The Gay Divorce’ Broadway musical (catch the film, a classic Fred and Ginger madcap musical romcom with such amazing dancing🕺🏼). But I had to go with Frank Sinatra from 1957’s ‘A Swingin Affair’ because it’s such a classic swing tune.

4. April in Paris - I’m not crying, you’re crying. Warning, there’s going to be a lot of crying in this playlist. Nancy telling Ace the story of her parents’ honeymoon in Paris in Episode 403, that shy smile when she tells him she always wanted to recreate it with someone, GAH. I had to pick the wonderful Sarah Vaughan with Clifford Brown on trumpet, simply exquisite. I’m going to have to take a break to sob quietly in the corner. “What have you done to my heart” indeed.

5. Fever - There was only one song, and only one version of this song, that matches the heat Nancy and Ace generated in the infamous Sigil scene. Peggy Lee burned the house down in 1958 with this track. “What a lovely way to burn” - Nancy can relate.

6. So in Love - Another genius Cole Porter song, written originally for Kiss Me Kate, but sung here by the incomparable Ella Fitzgerald (my personal hero). I had to pick it for THE KISS. They are just so in love 😭. A beautiful song and a beautiful rendition worthy of Nancy and Ace’s love. The fact that Kiss Me Kate is a musical about bickering exes who eventually find love again makes it even more perfect.

7. Crying - Roy Orbison, 1962. Need I say more? I may never recover from the final scene of 403. This song at least helps a little with the pain by naming it. Roy hits some insane notes in this song—the intensity matches both Nancy and Ace’s misery in that moment.

8. Good Morning, Heartache - More like Good Morning, Sorbet. In Episode 404, Nancy drowns her sorrows in her favorite frozen dessert to deal with the heartache of gaining and losing Ace. And no one does heartache like Billie Holiday, who recorded this song in 1946. Heartache haunts Nancy all throughout S4, and this track represents it perfectly.

9. I had two contenders for the Nace scenes in Episode 405, both from the early 60’s. I Fall to Pieces, released by Patsy Cline and The Jordanaires in 1961, was a country crossover and Patsy’s number one hit—an incredible track that embodies Nancy’s emotions on seeing Ace again. She can’t even look him the eye at the beginning of the episode. Which brings me to my other choice, Walk on By, written by Hal David and Burt Bacharach, and famously sung by Dionne Warwick in 1964. Nancy puts up a brave front for most of this episode, but inside she wants to break down and cry.

10. Episode 405’s speed dating montage is one of my favorite scenes of Season 4. Again I have two contenders—why should I have to choose? Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer’s One For My Baby (and One More for the Road), as sung by Ella Fitzgerald (again ‘cause she’s the best), is an ideal soundtrack for Nancy’s increasingly desperate descent as she spends every would-be speed date talking about Ace and THAT KISS. Equally appropriate is Billy Strayhorn’s Lush Life—velvet-voiced Johnny Hartman and saxophonist John Coltrane’s 1963 track positively drips with ennui, elegantly over cocktails, of course. If you’ve never heard this one, please give it a listen. There’s even a mention of a week in Paris 🥺.

11. Episode 406, with the infamous Spider Prom, is Ace’s episode IMO—we finally get to see how he’s dealing with the loss of the love of his life and his best friend. He so desperately wants to somehow get back to being friends with Nancy, he resorts to spending countless hours with the help of S4 MVP Nick trying to catch Chunky Velez for her. Can’t We Be Friends? is the perfect song for him in this episode, gorgeously sung by Ella and Louis. That is, until he spies Nancy and Tristan dancing, and realizes what he can never have. Etta James’ blistering track I’d Rather Go Blind captures Ace’s feelings in that moment. He may have been the one to halt their attempts to brake the curse, but he’s hurting just as much as Nancy is.

12. I’ve got two seminal songs to represent Episode 407. When Nancy realizes that Ace let Chunky go, and hears his admission that seeing her with Tristan hurt, it positively screams Cry Me a River. No, not the Justin Timberlake song 😅. This epic torch song was famously sung by Julie London in 1955, and expresses beautifully Nancy’s scorn at Ace’s hypocrisy even as she admits that he broke her heart.

Their fight, and Nancy’s subsequent dashed hopes that Ace would call her bluff and come back, makes me think of Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye. Another Cole Porter masterpiece sung by Ella. What can I say? You can’t top perfection:

Every time we say goodbye, I die a little Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little Why the gods above me, who must be in the know Think so little of me, they allow you to go

I dare you to listen to this track without weeping over the Nace of it all. Enjoy!

Well, Drewds, we’re just past the halfway mark of Season 4 and this post is already a novel, so I’m going to stop here for now. What did you think of my picks? Any you think I missed?

I’ll do a Part 2 as long as I get a few notes on this one 😂 . It will feature more classic songs that represent Nancy and Ace as they head into the back half of the season. I know it’s going to get rough ahead, but I promise the music will be sweet.

Update: Part 2 is here!

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