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#Sadie: YOU ONCE ACTED LIKE YOU HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE YOU HAD WINTERGREEN GUM-
secretqueerspy · 2 years
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Blaine's Backstory Headcanon #1: Parents' stories
disclaimer: I have experience with close relatives having ASD and bipolar disorder, which is where those parts come from. also, it's okay if you don't agree with my headcanons, feel free to share your's if you like
trigger warnings: mentions of s*lf harm/ su*cide, talk of Sadie Hawkins/ hospitals.
Section 1: Parents’ Stories 
Blaine’s biological parents are Todd Anderson and Pamela Anderson (Pam had a bad relationship with her parents so she changed her name from Cynthia Rothschild). Pam struggled with bipolar disorder, which actually caused a lot of broken relationships in her life. Before she accepted treatment, she was unstable. She and Todd never married. 
At 20 years old, Pam got pregnant with Cooper. The man who impregnated her was a friend with benefits. He was about to be deployed and didn’t want to deal with a kid. He got out of it since he was being sent to war, and Pam only saw him once more. Pam raised Cooper all on her own since she was not close with her family and had cut them off. She dropped out of university (on a scholarship) to get a full-time job at a cosmetics company. 
Pam was a great salesman, very talented, and worked her way up. She was able to afford a nice house for her and her son. She spoiled Cooper in any way possible. Pam met Todd through mutual friends. They became friends, and eventually their other friends set them on a blind date when they saw the chemistry. 
Their relationship progressed pretty quickly. Soon Pam was moving in with the doctor in an even nicer house. Cooper still mostly stuck with Pam, though he did enjoy the company of Todd. Their love life was on fire, and after 3 years of dating plus living together, Pam got an unexpected pregnancy. Around this same time bipolar disorder was starting to onset within her. 
Whenever the signs started to show up, everyone simply thought it was the pregnancy making her act odd. They thought the hormones were making her sporadically depressed or hyper-energized. Her emotions were out of control and no one took her seriously because of the baby. 
Todd and Pam had spoken about it and didn’t want any kids, but they begrudgingly decided to keep it (putting the baby in foster care seemed cruel and an abortion was out of the picture because of Todd’s Catholic roots). Blaine didn’t really fit into their family; they all felt like they were too old. Cooper was already 10, Pam was 30, and Todd 48. They’d be in their 40s and almost 60s by the time the baby was 10 and Cooper would be in adulthood. 
When Blaine was born, none of them really wanted to adjust their lives. At that time, Todd’s parents were getting older and weaker, so they decided to move to America again with their kids (they lived there to raise their children, then moved back to the Philippines during retirement). It was perfect timing since Cooper was at school and extracurriculars and friend’s houses all the time, while Todd and Pam worked long hours to maintain their upper-middle class lifestyle.
Todd’s parents moved in with him to be taken care of and to take care of Blaine. Pam still never went back to normal after the pregnancy, which made Todd and even Cooper concerned. She started going through periods of time where she could barely make 15 sales calls a day, to nearly 100 or over. Sometimes she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night so she’d go off and do things on her own. She refused to even look at Blaine for the longest time. Pam infuriated Todd’s parents by that and immediately got on their bad side. 
Pam had outbursts and spiraled. She cheated on Todd one night and he found out, which ended in their breaking up. They still lived together, though, since Todd was worried about her and wanted Cooper to still have a home.
  Pam’s mental state got so bad one day (she was caught cutting herself in the bathroom and kept talking about suicide) Todd took her to the hospital. He didn’t know what was wrong with his ex-girlfriend. The hospital’s doctors wanted her to check into a mental hospital, but she didn’t want to. It wasn’t until she was fired a couple months later and her son (Cooper) came crying and begging to her that she finally did. 
By this time, Blaine was three years old. His lolo and lola were raising him. His mother spent months in the mental hospital, and his father picked up even more shifts to support them on his own. Cooper was a moody teenager who was always out. Blaine learned a lot of behaviors from his grandparents and loved them very much. He was put in violin lessons at a very young age since Todd wanted him to grow up smart. 
Todd went to a club with his buddies a lot of nights to relieve some loneliness and stress. At this club, Maribel Lopez danced. She was his favorite dancer, and actually got talking to her using his charm around other employees. He asked her out one night, which she accepted (the only time she’d ever go out with a customer). They became close. He had a stable high-paying job, and she wanted a better life for her daughter. At first, Todd seemed like a good arrangement before Maribel actually started to fall in love. 
On the other hand, once Pam was well on her way of healing, taking medication, going to individual, group, and family therapy (with Cooper) she returned to the house. Neither Todd or Todd’s parents really wanted her there anymore. Pam started a minimum-wage job to get herself back on her feet. In her free time, she was working to start her own cosmetics company, Mary Kay. She was able to get enough money to buy her own small house as she was a hard worker at her job. Her and Cooper moved out when Blaine was six. 
By now, Maribel and Todd were engaged. Santana, Blaine, Maribel, and Todd had all met each other and Todd was helping to financially support Maribel so she could get a job she liked better. Once Pam was all moved out, Maribel and Todd set a date for the wedding and started searching to buy a house together. 
With a sixteen-year-old Cooper, Pam worked day and night. At her job during the day, on her business at night. Cooper was independent enough to be on his own more, but Pam always tried to make time for him. Blaine was also present in Pam’s life, taking him in every weekend. She got close to Blaine for the first time and she realized her second child was just as amazing as the first, and special in his own way. 
Todd’s parents moved away when Todd sold the house. They moved closer to Todd’s sister in West Virginia, in a retirement community. Santana and Todd had already bonded, while Blaine was guarded around Maribel (and Todd, too). He was yet to bond with any parent in the household he spent the most time in. Pam was the only one he showed himself to. He had difficulties letting people in after the two who took care of him all his life so far moved to a different state. Pam was more of a cool aunt to him, rather than a mother/guardian. 
Something was odd about Blaine, which Todd didn’t like. After his experience with Pam’s ‘oddness’ (even though it wasn’t the same), he was wary. Even being the parent Blaine technically had all his life, Todd was the more distant one. Maribel, being the step-mom, was always trying to enter his affection. Blaine didn’t trust either of them. 
As he grew older, some of his behaviors didn’t change. He wasn’t developing like Santana or the other children had. His little ‘quirks’ were sticking out to Todd even more, especially as a doctor himself. Todd started to suspect, so he took Blaine to his pediatrician. After the assessments, it turned out Blaine was on the autism spectrum. He had ASD. Todd was baffled. He didn’t know how to live with a kid on the spectrum. He’d dealt with them, sure, but having one? It made things confusing for him. 
Pamela was unfazed by the news of Blaine’s neurodivergence. It caused Maribel to try harder. One thing about the Anderson-Lopez family was that Santana and Blaine were parented by two different people. Santana got the strictness, the warm love, the typical parent-child bond. Blaine got the I-don't-know-how-to-deal-with-you-so-do-whatever-as-long-as-it's-not-troublesome, the walls between him and his parents, and the misunderstanding. 
Whenever Cooper moved to L.A., Pam's business actually started booming. She was able to quit her day job to focus on it. Every weekend with Blaine became every other. Having just ‘lost’ Cooper, Blaine was not prepared to handle less time with his mother. He felt like she was the only adult who got him. The only adult on his side. But, she was getting caught up in Mary Kay catching on. Soon enough, Todd and Maribel would be the only parents left.
  Blaine was 11 when he first came to Todd and Maribel. He had been researching for a couple years, and he (thought he) knew what he was. He informed them he was transgender, a boy, and that he would need puberty blockers ASAP. They were both dumbfounded. At first they brushed it off since Blaine’s neurodivergent, he’s kinda weird like that let’s just let it pass. (Which, didn’t do any wonders for their relationship to him.) But Blaine knew himself and was persistent. He created a slideshow citing articles, telling them how he felt for once. 
Maribel recognized how important that was and pushed Todd to let him see a gender therapist. Todd was torn, but Blaine didn’t even feel like his child, so who was he to deny it? He set up the appointments and allowed Blaine to do whatever. He didn’t believe in transgenderism, it was a sin. It wasn’t like he recognized the tween who roamed his house anyway. 
Todd and Maribel were reluctant in Blaine’s transition. They took it little by little, opposite of what Blaine wanted. First they let him cut his hair completely short, then renovate his wardrobe, change his name and pronouns. They knew once he socially transitioned, there’d be no coming back from that, so they allowed him months to change his mind. He never swayed. Todd was more and more embarrassed of his child as each new development occurred. His parents were devastated that the little “girl” they raised was corrupted. They were mad at Todd for letting Blaine be corrupted, and promised to try and pray the confusion away. 
Maribel hid Blaine from her mother. She barely thought of it before, only hoping Abuela wouldn’t say something too harsh to Blaine, but now she was on full-blown No-More-Blaine mode for Abuela. 
At family gatherings, Blaine was left behind. He was a skeleton in their closets. They always had him stay at Brittany’s (his childhood best friend/family friend’s kid) house if his current two best friends couldn’t have him. Blaine was angry even more and came home with injuries a lot. He refused to tell them a thing, though they could guess he was being picked on. 
On the fateful day of Sadie Hawkins, they were astounded to get a call from the hospital. They had no idea the bullying was that bad. They had no idea Blaine was going with another boy.  Seeing him, tiny as ever, lying on that hospital bed, binder flared open, ribs broken, red, black and blue everywhere. They didn’t know what to do. They didn’t know what to say. Pam caught the earliest plane she could when she heard the news. 
When Blaine woke up, Todd made a grave mistake. He tried talking to Blaine. He accidentally alluded to Blaine being somewhat to blame for the attack, by deciding to ‘become a boy’ especially so young and even still liking boys. Blaine yelled at him. He yelled he didn’t decide what he was, he didn’t want to be trans or gay, but he was. Why did he have to get so much crap for living? He screamed for Todd to get out and to not come back again. Todd broke any pebbles of a relationship they had left. He broke it beyond repair. Todd followed Blaine’s orders. He didn’t visit again. 
The violin was the one thing Todd could get behind Blaine with. Blaine was named a prodigy at playing it, the one thing that made Todd proud. The only thing he’d ever boast about with his one biological child. Blaine’s fingers were stomped on during the attack. Unhealable injuries. He’d never be able to play again. It was a miracle the piano was still an option for him, after a ton of physical therapy. 
Pam stayed in Ohio for a while. She was furious and distraught that anyone would do that. She was there for Blaine as much as she could be. Maribel visited him once a week with flowers and Santana. He was grateful for all of them. 
Things were different when Blaine returned to the house. He’d changed. He was jumpy and got nightmares, they all had to be careful not to give him flashbacks. Todd had to give him medication along with testosterone, and tend to his wounds. Blaine kept his mouth knit shut and watched Todd closely as he worked. 
Todd and Maribel knew Blaine couldn’t go back to the same school district for high school. So they started the search for a safe school for him, as he completed his 8th grade year at home. Dalton was the school that stuck out the most. 
The summer before Blaine was sent away to a boarding school, Todd wanted to have one last chance to bond with his son. Santana and him bonded over traditionally masculine activities, so he figured he and Blaine would be able to. Even more so since Blaine was a ‘boy now’. So, late summer, once Blaine was finally somewhat mobile again he and Blaine built a car together. 
Blaine had no interest in cars, or his father. He was also very suspicious of his father pushing him to do something he didn’t like as ‘bonding’. Blaine figured Todd was trying to make him straight, since Todd also had the confusion about being gay and trans. 
Once Blaine came to that conclusion, he closed himself off. He didn’t participate in his father’s small talk. He didn’t listen to all the useless car information. He used any opportunity to pick a fight. Todd got agitated as Blaine was more obviously being difficult. The project ended in vain, Blaine thinking his own dad was trying to change who he was, and Todd knowing he never knew his son and never would. And being okay with that, giving up. 
To pay for Dalton and still have money left over, Todd and Maribel picked up more shifts. Blaine rarely went home over the weekends. In fact, the next time they saw him was Christmas break (he stayed at Dalton for Thanksgiving since he would have nowhere to go; family reunion, Brittany would be celebrating with her family too, and his old best friends were long gone). 
Blaine adjusted to his new school very well. Surprisingly well, since the coursework was much more advanced. He also joined the acapella show choir there. No need to strain his finger any more. Blaine was very chipper when he returned home. 
It took them a few days to realize something was off. They thought Dalton had just changed him. He was more energetic than he had been in years, he was constantly running around doing stuff. His mood also changed at the snap of a finger, his disrespect was much more blatant than before. 
On Christmas Eve, Maribel asked him to help clean up the house before Christmas day. Blaine simply looked at her and said “no”. She then commanded him to do it, and he refused again, not moving. Maribel was shocked. Before she could start yelling at him, he went straight out of the house and didn’t return until early morning after Christmas was over. None of them had any idea where he went. His only explanation was that family would be over so he would have to hide in his room or something anyway. 
A couple days later, Todd heard commotion in the kitchen at 2 AM. He went out to find Blaine cooking some intricate meal. That was the first time he had more than a few moments to look at Blaine, and he saw the dark circles around his bright eyes. A feeling of dread settled into his gut. He knew something was wrong with Blaine. Something he’d dealt with before. It wasn’t ASD, either. He saw Pam in Blaine that night. 
Todd stopped Blaine’s cooking and dragged him to the hospital. Blaine was upset and confused. He felt fine, amazing even. Better than he ever felt in his life. Since Todd could only account for about a week, no diagnosis could be made. It added to Blaine’s mistrust of Todd. The doctors would keep it in account, though, and wanted to talk to him about it in six months if Todd really was that worried.
Todd knew what he felt that night. He had a gut feeling, and he knew Blaine was bipolar, too. Even if it would take a while to prove it. Todd started asking for Blaine to come home at least two weekends a month. Todd would make time to assess Blaine any chance he got. It made Blaine livid. 
Todd turned out to be right. At the age of fifteen, the summer after his freshman year, Blaine officially had bipolar ii disorder. 
For his sixteenth birthday, around the end of tenth grade, the only thing Blaine wanted was top surgery. He’d been on testosterone for years, his gender dysphoria was very well documented, and he’d been through a lot to be a boy. His parents granted him that wish. On June 3rd, 2011, during summer break, Blaine no longer had to wear a binder.
In his sophomore year, Blaine met a boy. Before his junior year started, he begged to transfer schools to be with that boy. He gave Todd and Maribel his puppy-dog eyes and talked about how tough the past few years have been and he wanted to have some happiness. He asked them ‘when have you really been there for me?’ and they still didn’t feel like his real parents. Who were they to deny him? They agreed as long as Santana promised to protect him.
Pam wasn’t happy with their decision to send him back to a public school. She didn’t want to see her son, broken in a hospital bed again. Todd told her she could make those decisions when she wanted to take care of him, or maybe even live within a 50 mile radius. Pam shut up after that. 
Soon enough, Blaine was back in the hospital with an injury. Santana called them crying, apologizing over and over for not being able to protect him. They both couldn’t leave work. Pamela found out a couple days later, furious. She was about to book the earliest flight to him, but Todd insisted she didn’t. It wasn’t a big deal, he said, Blaine was being taken care of and needed lots of rest. Pam showing up would disturb him. He didn’t want her to come and judge their parenting anymore. Sure, he was being left all alone each day minus Maribel’s lunch break, but he could take care of himself. He was 16 and life was full of busy people. Neither Todd nor Maribel’s jobs were flexible enough to allow them to take off a couple weeks. 
Todd and Maribel left Blaine alone the rest of his high school career. The more time they spent with Blaine, the more they felt like imposters. Without Santana being the reason for them to return home, they barely did in his senior year. They figured Blaine liked it much better by himself. No ‘fake-parents’ to boss him around or anything. They thought sacrificing any interaction with him, letting him go, was the best choice for everyone involved. 
Blaine’s parents did a good amount for him, and they weren’t bad. They just never supported him emotionally/directly. Ever since he was young, they allowed others to deal with his brain. Todd’s parents, Pam, psychologists, therapists. They were never able to make that connection with him, which led to feeling like imposters (especially compared to his strong relationship with his mother), which led to neglect. They did the bare minimum since they’re not awful people (transferring his schools after Sadie Hawkins, sending him to therapy, paying for medication), did some more out of the feeling they didn’t do enough to make decisions of his outcome (letting him transition, transfer to Mckinley), and even purely from parents to child (bringing him flowers, trying to bond over the car, top surgery). Other than those actions, Blaine was left on his own to deal with the side effects of those things and the emotional consequences of his taxing life all on his own. 
In the future, after Glee ended and everything happened, Blaine was able to connect with Maribel through Santana. He grew an appreciation for his step-mother, and formed his own special bond. He never made any progress with Todd. Their days were long over. 
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dollyreblogs · 3 years
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Okay but imagine that Benito had a crush on Lexi because she's smart and strategic but then he fell out of love with her the moment she put ketchup in rice and mixed it up and had the AUDACITY to call it Spanish Rice.
Izzy: So how'd your date with Lexi go-
Benito: Love is as dead as how I feel internally and tell Cora to take her ketchup privellages away-
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xenospacebabe · 3 years
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Broken Wings
Hawks drabble
A/N: So I imagine for some reason that regular doctors and surgeons are capable of treating Hawks to a fault. But when it comes to his wings, they’re a bit...lost?
Summary: After coping with treating injuries to his wings by himself, Hawks finds himself with a more serious injury than he can handle. He can’t open his wings, or fly. The pain is mind numbing. He finds himself breaking into an animal clinic for some help.
Warning: Broken bones. Mild language
HawksxReader
7am. The doors don’t open until 8:30, but you still had things to do from yesterday that weren’t even started. Clutching your steel tumblr full of coffee that’ll barely scratch the surface of your exhaustion, you stifled a yawn and crawled out of your car. Barely remembering to lock it. You always parked on the side of the building so as not to take up any spaces in front. The key missed the lock a few times before eventually sliding inside and turning to the side.
The moment you turned on the lights, a couple of dogs in the back already started barking, hungry for breakfast and ready to go home. Your veterinary clinic was modest in size, but it was always busy. It was your father’s practice before he retired and passed it down to you after finishing school. Now it was all yours. It was hard work, but your clients were loyal. Many of them have been around since the place opened almost 30 years ago. You were the vet that people would recommend to their friends who needed help and had struggles affording it. Your clinic was the one that everyone knew cared the most about patients rather than money. And it showed. While your profits were great, it wasn’t what you were concerned the most about.
After setting down your things in your office, you tied back your hair into a high ponytail and took a long drink of your “breakfast.” You looked at the white board on your wall, deciding which surgery from yesterday to start on first. Picking the cat spay, you headed towards the back to get started. Passing surgery and into the kennels, you found your patient and greeted her with a sweet voice and scratches on her cheeks.
“Good morning, Sadie. You ready, sweet girl? C’mon.” The cat whined tiredly as you scooped her into your arms to bring into the surgical room. But when you lifted your head and looked inside you screamed. Unfortunately, this spooked your cat and she bolted out of your arms to hide under the kennels.
“AH SHIT! Sadie! Sadie c’mere girl! Who are you?!” There sitting on your operating counter was a man. A shirtless man with enormous wings that nearly filled the small room. He was covered in decently serious lacerations and wounds that made the surface of his skin look like a blue, black, green, and purple water color canvas. He looked terrible with deep bags under his eyes. However, he looked at you through messy strands of hair that hung in his face with a tired but smug expression.
“Really? You don’t know who I am?” He said, his voice croaking out with a subtle groan of pain. Your eyes shifted from his, those golden pools that shined like the sun, to the massive crimson wings. They, too, looked to be in disarray. Feathers stuck out in random places, others crumpled, many painted in blood. However his left hung in a slightly abnormal manner.
“I’m sorry. You shocked me all of a sudden. You’re Hawks right? What are you doing here? How did you even get in? The doors were all locked.” As you finished your statement, a single red feather lifted in mid air and hovered, showing you its bent up quill. He picked the lock with the feather and locked it behind him.
“Sorry. I just-..mmgghh...I think it’s broken. And the clowns at the city hospital the commission would send me to aren’t capable of fixing it. I found you online, you do exotics, right? Birds and stuff?”
All the while he was explaining his situation, you were assessing his condition. The area that connected the wing to his back appeared incredibly swollen, and slightly out of place. Without thinking, you reached out to palpate the area causing him to immediately flinch and groan out loud.
“Sorry! Sorry. I’m used to my patients being-...well animals. But yes, I’m a small animal and exotics vet. There’s a couple birds I’ve been treating for a long time.” Now this time, as you were talking, Hawks had his eyes trained on you. He was listening to every word you spoke intently. “Some of them were my dad’s patients before he retired. Shows how old they can get.”
Hawks braced the cold steel of the table, crouching forward some. His skin seemed damp with sweat, the pain he was in must have been affecting his body temperature. You needed to act quickly if you were going to save his wing.
“Okay, so. I have to touch it. I need to get a couple xrays to see if we have any breaks and we’ll go from there. I don’t....all I have are sedatives for animals. Would that..?”
“It’s fine, ain’t no pain out there that I can’t handle.” He looked at you with a charming smirk, clearly flexing his pain threshold to impress you. Because he looked you up and down and liked what he saw. Even in those scrubs which were relatively form fitting but patterened in cartoon cats and dogs.
“I’m serious. This is really going to hurt. Are you-“
“I said I can handle it.” Hawks snapped, frustrated with the questions now. He just wanted the pain to stop. And besides, that cute look on your blushing face was too good to miss.
“Alright...well...first you need to help me find my cat that you scared off.”
“You mean this one?” Appearing in front of you held under the arms and the butt by a trio of feathers was your very angry, very sleepy cat. You sighed in relief and retrieved her into your arms. It took some settling to calm her down but you were a natural with all animals. It came so easily. She was comfortable in her kennel when you set her back inside and you felt your brain shift gears.
You first had to get your hands on the wing. Just to get a feel of what you were working with. You’d never seen such beautiful, red feathers before. Even though you saw parrots and other birds daily. These were just...breathtaking. But even the most beautiful wings didn’t stop the pain of broken bones. Hawks groaned behind tight lips when you gently palpated the swollen wing. Inside you felt the distinct break and slight crunchiness that accompanied it. The growling in his throat didn’t frighten you, after all, you dealt with aggressive animals day in and day out.
“Y-you almost finished there, Doc? Agghh...” He finally outwardly complained when you flexed his wing. Your hands were gentle but it was still nearly unbearable. Slowly and carefully, you folded his wing back down into its natural resting position.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I know it hurts. But thank you for holding still. Alright. Let’s do some xrays.”
After some struggling and repositioning, and many awkward brushes of hands and faces, you and Hawks were successful in taking some clear shots of what you determined was a broken wing. You didn’t notice his eyes on you as you explained it to him. The room was dark, illuminated only by the backlight box that made it possible to see the xray photos. But he was studying your face quite intently.
The space between your eyebrows crinkled a little when you would point to a specific spot on the xray in concentration. When you were quiet in thought, your tongue pressed against your cheek or you nibbled your bottom lip. The slope of your nose was accentuated by the pale shine of the light box to make it look like you had a cute button nose. Everything you were saying filled his ears but didn’t register as anything coherent. Eventually, you noticed.
“Hawks? Are you okay? Are you in pain?” Your voice brought him out of the trance he’d slipped into and he blinked rapidly to soothe his eyes. He hadn’t blinked once.
“Oh! Uh-...aheh...I’m fine. And please...call me Keigo.”
“Keigo?”
“Yeah, that’s my real name. Hawks is just my hero name. I can trust you, yeah?” He looked down at you with those eyes that you swore were glowing and swallowed harshly. Suddenly your throat was dry.
“R-right! I knew that. Keigo...so...like I said. The break is pretty clean. Luckily there’s no fragments or splinters that would make a problem.”
“So what can you do to fix me?” He lied, though, about being in pain. Broken bones were painful enough. But a broken bone that carried the heavy weight of his wing was absolutely agonizing. However, years of working as a pro hero conditioned him into hiding his pain from his enemies.
“Well, there isn’t a lot we can do. Other than immobilize the wing so the bone can heal back together.”
That got his attention.
“Immobilize? You mean I can’t-“
“Fly. Yeah. Not forever, but for a while. You’d have to come back every now and then for xrays so I can see how the healing is progressing. Given the size, I’d imagine...6 weeks?”
6 weeks? Of no flying? Hawks hadn’t spent that long out of the sky in so long that he wasn’t sure he remembered what it felt like to walk anywhere. You could see the panic in his eyes, beads of sweat formed on his neck and forehead. So you reached out and placed your hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him. He froze, not sure of what to do.
“Sorry! Sorry.” You quickly withdrew your hand. “That’s a habit. I always try to comfort the parents of my patients when they get difficult news.”
“No no, it’s-...you just surprised me.” He reached for your hand and returned it to his shoulder which was still bare. You hadn’t even realized he hadn’t redressed after finishing the radiographs. Your palm rested on his shoulder, his skin was warm to the touch. Your thumb gently stroked the end of his collarbone as you often did to support your clients. Beneath your fingers you felt the impressive muscle he had, in spite of appearing relatively lean, the muscle tone of his torso was quite defined. You imagined it had to be in order for him to fight villains and hold himself aloft while flying.
“I know it’s a difficult thing to hear. Your wings take you everywhere, I’m sure. But this won’t last forever, okay?” Something about your voice was so soothing to his fried nerves. But you’d never know because of how cool and composed he made himself appear.
“You don’t mind?” Hawks felt his anxiety dissolve when he thought about getting to see you next. It was a strange feeling, but he knew he could trust you. Those pretty eyes of yours really spoke volumes.
“Of course not. Now let’s get you taped up and on your way. I’m sure you’re exhausted, no doubt whatever broke your wing has you worn out.”
“Heh you can say that again.” There it was, his suave and too-cool demeanor. But you didn’t mind it. You were sure it was just a front he was used to keeping up. After all, you were just a civilian and he couldn’t afford to let anyone know just how weak he was.
You managed to tape and place Hawks’ wing in a makeshift splint. He refused any medication but you could tell by the way he white knuckled the table that he was in pain. A majority of the time, your patients were under anesthesia when setting broken bones. So you had to be careful this time about how heavy handed you were. By the time you were finished, you had less than 10 minutes to get him out the door before your techs and kennel attendants showed up for work.
“Come see me in a week. We’ll take more xrays and make any adjustments if you need them. Try to keep the splint dry, and rest. I mean it, Hawks.”
“Alright, Doc. I’ll be a good little bird just for you.” The winged hero winked at you as he slipped out the back door. You felt your heart leap into your throat and cheeks burn up as a result. Just as he disappeared, you heard the sounds of your employees coming in and quickly closed the door and composed yourself.
“Morning, Doc!” One of them said as you appeared in the exam area. You smiled and waved, reaching into the pocket of your white coat with your other hand. Something was in there. You looked inside and saw red. A feather. Unbeknownst to you, Hawks had slipped one of his feathers into your pocket. You couldn’t fathom why, but you felt a strange sense of comfort when you ran the tip of your finger along the center spine. It quivered when you did so.
“Ungh...” In an alley a block away, Hawks had to brace a brick wall with one hand. His insides trembled as he sensed you touching his feather. Even he didn’t know why he left one with you. But the thought of parting made him remarkably...sad?
“Get it together, Keigo...” He muttered to himself, shaking his head and continuing back home. It would be a long 6 weeks out of the sky, but at least he’d be able to see you.
A/N: This was longer than I anticipated omg. Does anyone think I should continue?
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lemon-boy-stan · 4 years
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end scene - finn wolfhard x reader
The reader is filming a deleted scene which sparks trauma. Warnings: SUPER ANGSTY LIKE SERIOUSLY, crying finn, mentions of death, mentions of sex (at the end), abuse, mentions of alcohol and swearing. And also long paragraphs. Lower case.
finn was the only person who knew about your trauma and cared - your mother had a boyfriend and moved on.
the car crash was your burden and catalyst to your inconsistent episodes which was why, every time you rehearsed the scene with him, finn made sure you were okay and that you knew he didn't mean it.
millie was good at being dead. she'd lay there, under the rubble, not moving a limb - she looked so lifeless like that that you were positive a passer-by would rush over to help her.
except there were no passer-bys, just you, your boyfriend, cast and crew and the CGI.
but yet it still looked so real - and it reminded you of her that much - of the car, the crash, the rubble, debris, anger that left your father's mouth afterwards, the deafening silence of your mother who stood and watched in the hospital...
mentally, you forced yourself to shake it off. the memory had obviously tuned the other cast members out.
"it wasn't her fault!" noah screeched - finn appeared to be approaching you, a look of mad and sadness in his eyes (which did not seem to be for you but hurt you anyway) kindling dangerously.
"we can still save her," he turned back from you to her "dead" body, "we can still save her! nancy! nancy. do you know cpr? does anyone know cpr? steve? johnathan? even you, billy?"
"even you?!" sadie shrieked. darce shot her a look and shook his head as if billy was telling her to pick her battles.
"anyone?" finn talked over her. "please. someone help me! she can't die here. she won't die here! i won't let it!" his words and voice were exactly the same as every other time you rehearsed it alone.
you continued to stare at the nothingness that wavered around him as natalia and everyone else remained quiet.
finn darted to you with the corner of his eye before recovering again, "we can still save her!" the rest of the cast waited.
'we can't', mouthed charlie, you'd forgotten your line by a beat. SHIT. finn frowned - something was fishy.
"we can't," you said softly, quickly. finn exhaled invisibly and silently. "f - mike. mike, el said - she told me - she said she was sorry and she said she - "
he cut you off just like every other time, "what good," he began, breathing through his nose, "is an apology," silence, the rest of the cast who were watching liked it, "if she's dead?! please! someone help me!"
no one helped him.
"come on," he begged the world, "come on. el. el. wake up. wake up. wake up!" he shook millie's body as if shaking a dead person would wake them up, kind of like how your father shook your sister in the hospital bed even though the nurse said that shaking her would make things worse.
"el," he choked back, "no. el. el." the fake tears hurt you more than they normally would have.
finn was your boyfriend and you could normally tell the difference between his fake and real emotions and for some reason you couldn't today.
after finn finished crying, he stroked her lifeless hair just like every other time and just like the time your father stroked your sister's before he turned to you.
"YOU were supposed to save HER," he spat the words viciously like every other time, eyes flicking over you with assurance. "but SHE saved YOU! she wasn't supposed to save YOU! you were supposed to die, you were supposed to die! the mindflayer was supposed to get YOU but it got HER! you're not even sorry! none of you are sorry! because if you were sorry, YOU would be DEAD and SHE would be ALIVE!"
you couldn't tell at the time but the words hurt him, too.
"it doesn't work like that!" noah screeched. "she was here first, anyways! she's my sister! eleven understood that so why can't you, mike?!"
"i told you to come up with another plan," he hissed at you, ignoring noah, "but you didn't! you let her die! you let her die, belle! you're a bitch and you let her die!" he yelled over noah.
"i'm sorry," you whispered, to which gaten and the rest of the cast wore a look of amazement - you hated improvising.
finn frowned slightly before going along.
"you're not. fucking. sorry. do you know why?" he waited.
"mike," natalia cut in.
"BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE DEAD! YOU STUPID BITCH, YOU WOULD BE DEAD! BUT YOU KILLED HER!"
"no, she didn't! don't call her that!"
that was the first - and last - time finn had ever called you that or yelled at you. you froze.
"i'm sorry," your lip shook - you didn't have a line just then but the crew liked it. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry,"
"it's your fault she's dead, y/n! you stupid bitch! you killed her! you killed your sister! do you know why you killed her? because you're a mistake! and a murderer! you fucking killed her, you stupid bitch! you can't do anything right, can you, you fucking brat? i saw you yelling at her! 'hurry up, izzy, i'm going to be late!' i told you not to go, didn't i? i told you she can't fucking drive in the fucking rain because she's bipolar and fucking crazy! but you're a brat, y/n, and it's going to be the end of you and everyone around you and even that finn boy, i don't give a fuck how much fucking money he has because you're going to blow him up too like the bomb you are! i don't give a shit how many fucking fans you have, do you hear me? because you. blew. her. UP!"
the nurses stared.
one turned to your mother in her stupid ninties pink dress and pearl necklace as if to say, 'aren't you going to do anything?' but she didn't, she pretended as if everything was fine.
"i'm sorry," you bit back the tears. "i'm sorry,"
"you aren't sorry! because she's dead! you aren't sorry! you're just a bomb!"
you bit your cheek harshly - no one else besides finn noticed.
"i'm sorry," your voice shook, "i'm sorry i killed her i'm sorry i'm sorry please don't - please i'm sorry,"
the crew started giving you looks - knock it off, it was starting to get weird and they didn't want the audience to hate your character.
but you couldn't help it. you didn't want him to hit you and you didn't want the people in the hospital to stare.
but you weren't in the hospital, you were on set, and he wasn't with you, it was finn, but same difference.
because maybe if you said sorry more maybe finn wouldn't unlove you like he did, maybe finn wouldn't hit you like he did.
"i'm sorry it's my fault i'm sorry i'm sorry,"
finn's breath hitched and his adam's apple moved before something washed over him - recognition.
you see, the endless trails of apologies had happened once at his house at night.
"wait!"
gaten threw his arms up at the outburst and the rest of the cast looked dissappointed. this scene was such a good trope for the love triangle between mike el and belle.
"wait - just - just cut. please. she's not acting, i swear this has happened before and i can help her please," he was begging now and the crew sighed and grumbled - everyone was human.
"alright, that's a wrap, we'll film again in a half," they began to leave.
"i'm sorry finn i'm sorry i kill - "
"baby, stop," he put his hands on your shoulders but you just shook your head and kept saying the words anyways, "baby! you don't have to apologise for anything, baby, you didn't kill anyone,"
"but i did kill her, finn!" you sobbed, "i killed her. "i killed my sister because i'm a stupid bitch and a brat who made her sister drive her to her friend's house in the rain," you bit your cheek until there was blood,
"i'm a mistake, finn, i'm sorry i'm a fucking bitch, and i'm sorry i killed them. just please, please don't unlove me, please, everyone who's loved me's unloved me, please i swear i'll do litera - "
"baby, what?" he looked like a puppy who'd just been told off, "why would i unlove you?"
"because i can't do anything right," you shook your head, "and you have to unlove me even though i don't want you to, finn, because i'm a mistake and i'm a fucking bomb, and a bitch. but please, please, i'm sorry, i can't - i can't lose someone else - "
"you're never going to lose me, baby," he whispered. he was shaking, "and you're not a bomb. oh, fuck, the last thing you are is a bomb, y/n. this isn't bullshit. i love you too much to give you bullshit. if he told you that, let me tell you this: you. are. not. a. bomb, baby. you're mine, the farthest thing you are is a bomb, you're a band aid, and a lifeline. you're never going to lose me, i promise i promise."
"but finn," you said, "don't you get it? i'm not a band aid or a lifeline, i'm a bomb. i will blow you up if you don't leave me before you can even though i don't want you to leave me because you're the only person- "
"and i'll keep being the only person," he talked over you and it frustrated you to even more tears, "i don't care if you blow me up. heck, you blew me away the first time. besides, so what if you're a murderer (which you aren't baby it was a fucking accident and he needs to get that through his fucking skull)? i hate myself for bringing up the stupid movie you love y/n but i don't give two shits what he says you've done because a) i know he's a drunk bastard and b) i will always love you baby more than rose loves leo baby i'll always come back to you, always, i'm going to marry you when my parents let me get married and i'm going to always come back to you even if you yell at me to get out because you're my fucking bomb, do you hear me? you're mine and you're a bomb. so what? you're a good bomb."
"please don't unlove me,"
"baby i'll never unlove you ever ever,"
"promise?"
"yes baby i promise y/n i promise just please tell me you're okay and tell me when you're not okay because it kills me baby it kills me so much,"
"okay finn," you mumbled; you didn't want him to cry anymore, "i promise. i'm sorry for ruining the scene," you looked down at your hands.
"hey," he said firmly, lifting your chin up so you were forced to look at him, "scenes can be re-filmed but i'm going to ask them to film a different one okay? but for now please just tell me you're okay baby,"
"i'm okay finn," you sighed. "sorry you had to put up with that and sorry i made you feel shit,"
"you know you make me feel lots of things n/n," he whispered, "and shit is one of them. and i wouldn't have anyone else make me feel anything else, 'cause i love you. even if you blow me up i love you okay? even if you crash me i'll still love you from hell 'cause we all know that's where i'm going..."
"are you talking about the other night?" you looked up, "because the feeling was totally mutual finn we both wanted it you know that don't be a dick,"
"there she is. also, yeah, that night and that time noah walked in on us jesus," he smiled and hugged your neck, "okay, okay, i love you though y/n. god you have no idea how much i love you..."
"i think i do," you replied softly and he smiled into you.
So this is super long but oh god guys I'm still in love with it ahh...
MASTERLIST - requests are ALWAYS open (depending on what fandom it is!)
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gleeblaineislife · 3 years
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another blaine’s parents/home life headcanon
There is a big age difference between Pam (Blaine’s mother) and Todd (Blaine’s father). Pam got pregnant with Cooper when she was 18 years old. She was a single mother working most of the day at a diner and taking night college classes a few times a week. She was 21 and Todd was 40 when they met. He was an immigrant from the Philippines and also didn’t have much money. They became friends and Pam ended up getting kicked out of her house since she could no longer pay the rent. Todd took her in and Pam + her 5 year old son moved in with Todd. Todd worked as a salesman and the company he worked for started expanding. Todd was a very smart salesman and as the company expanded he started making more and more sales which meant he made more money. The company realized how valuable Todd was and made sure to give him raises. Pam was still living with Todd and needed money desperately and Todd decided that if he was ever going to get a wife he better get one soon. Pam+Todd went on a few dates before making an arrangement to just get married. They moved into a bigger house and spoiled Cooper with material things (he was already spoiled in love/affection). A couple years after being married, Pam got pregnant with Blaine. It came as a shock to both of them. The pregnancy made Pam+Todd close for a while but once Blaine was about a year old they went back to their lives. Pam got a job at a cosmetics company so she had her parents babysit Blaine and Cooper. Once Cooper was 13, they no longer needed the grandparents to be around that much. Cooper was supposed to stay home and watch Blaine but he would sneak out to hang out with friends or invite them over while making sure Blaine stayed in his room. The way Blaine and Cooper were raised was very different: Cooper being the only child with his mother who always made time for him (no matter how tired) and Todd who didn’t work as much was constantly showered with their love. He was planned to be Pam’s one and only child so she made sure to do it right by going to every event Cooper was in and being there for him. Blaine on the other hand grew up a lonely child. Todd and Pam worked a lot, Cooper always pushed him to the side, and he was a really shy child. There were times where Cooper would forget to pick him up from his lessons (either piano or violin) and he would sit on a bench waiting for hours. The only times he was truly happy was with his grandparents or when he got to visit relatives in the Philippines. His grandparents gave him all their love. He has fond memories of celebrating the holidays with them (Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah for a few examples) and they would go to fun places and make him actual home-cooked food. They also took an actual interest in his life. Also a couple times he and his father went to the Philippines for the summer (his father could afford to do that since the company he worked for was international and he could do business in the Philippines). Blaine loved meeting his relatives who, like his grandparents, took an interest in his life and paid attention to him. In school, Blaine only had a few friends and got teased for multiple reasons: he wore bowties, had really curly hair, wore glasses, was really small/scrawny, and was asian (kids in Ohio schools are really racist; probably since most people in the small towns are white). Unlike Cooper, whenever Blaine had something special going on, his parents didn’t go. They were always too busy with work for him. Whenever his parents were home though, Blaine really saw the rifts in their marriage. Pam was really unhappy and lonely in the marriage. She was drunk a lot and always had some amount of alcohol in her system when she was home. She worked less than Todd and whenever Todd went on business trips her loneliness would get the better of her. She hooked up with other men and Blaine knew because she would do it while he was in the house. His parents fought a lot when they were actually in the house at the same time. Todd ended up finding out about Pam’s cheating (which she used the excuse she was lonely) and Todd just started being unfaithful to Pam too. Infidelity was a normalized thing in the Anderson household. They were a household that cared a lot about appearances too. So whenever they all had to go to fancy dinner parties or just public in general, they were always dressed as nice as could be and they all acted like one big happy family. Blaine came out as gay when he was 13 years old. He didn’t actually plan to come out, it just sort of happened. Blaine was having dinner with his parents+grandparents and the subject of homosexuality came up. They were being homophobic and Blaine couldn’t take it. He just got up and walked out of the room. Blaine’s grandmother and grandfather both went to talk to him. He sat teary-eyed on his bed as he told them he was gay. They walked out of the room and right out of the house telling Todd+Pam that they didn’t feel comfortable in their house anymore on the way out. Pam, being drunk (even in front of her parents), was unresponsive and continued nibbling on her meal. Todd was confused and went to see what happened. He found Blaine in his bedroom with the door open sobbing into his pillow. He asked Blaine what he had done but Blaine refused to answer. Todd threatened Blaine (with getting in trouble not violence) and said he would find out anyways by just calling Pam’s parents. Blaine reluctantly told his father he was gay. Todd yelled at him and told him stuff like ‘don’t say that’, ‘how would you know that?’, and  ‘you just need to find the right woman’. His father started paying attention to Blaine after that. He did masculine things with Blaine like building a car and watching football. He tried to get Blaine interested in girls by asking about them a lot and pointing some out and being like ‘look at her. What do you think of her? Isn’t she gorgeous?’. It was incredibly damaging for Blaine especially when some kid told the rest of the school Blaine was gay. Blaine only had two people who would even refer to him as his real name at school, Lucy and the only other out gay kid (Evan). They were a trio of outcasts who were forced to face the bullying together. All of the other students only ever called him the f slur and nothing else. The bullying was really intense and along with his father trying to straighten him out, he was literally in a living hell. One day he snapped at his father. He yelled at him to stop trying to make him straight because it’s never going to happen before going to his room, climbing out the window, and running to Evan’s house. He stayed there for a few days before finally returning home. His father started to pick up work again and Todd+Blaine avoided each other. Nothing that happened really registered with Pam since she drank while at home. The Sadie Hawkins incident is actually when Cooper first found out Blaine was gay. He moved to L.A. when he was 18 (which Todd was not happy about) and he and Blaine were not close at all. Some of Blaine's resentment for Cooper showed up at the fact that even while he was in the hospital, Cooper didn’t go back to Ohio. The only support he got from his brother was one measly phone call. Todd visited the hospital a couple times. He was of course upset his son was injured but he couldn’t help but feel like it was Blaine’s fault. Blaine already knew his school was homophobic so why would he go to a dance with another boy? Blaine kicked Todd out after Todd expressed that opinion and Todd just didn’t show up again. Pam visited the hospital as much as she could. The fact that her son was bashed sobered her up (for a while) and made her realize she had missed most of her son’s life (until she forgot about him again). Blaine also never did get to see Lucy (so he thought) or Evan again. Blaine’s relationship with his parents turned back into what it was before once he started at Dalton. He pretty much never saw them (he boarded at Dalton and mostly didn’t go home on the weekends since he knew his parents would be working) and they just threw money his way to make up for their shitty parenting.  
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nanagoswife · 3 years
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For You? Always.
Chapter Nineteen
Summary: The two of you see each other for the first time since that tough night, then some more happens both in, and outside the office.
W/C: 4.2k (some things go down okay?)
Warnings: angst, physical and emotional harassment, physical violence, serious injury, mentions of blood, mention of past trauma, basically, it faces some difficult topics, oh and swearing and slight dehumanization?
-A/N at the bottom-
It was another week before you went back to work. You knew that rumours were being spread. It was apparent by the sad and pitying stares you got as you walked to your office. This is not even mentioning how some turned to whisper to someone close.
What these rumours were, you didn’t know. There was a part of you that didn’t want to know. You didn’t want to know how they twisted the tale of your personal life.
What you did know that Ben had apparently not gone back to finish the trial. Siara had replaced him. Also, he was at the office.
Thankfully, Paisley didn’t bring anything up. She acted as if this was a normal work day and that there were no other outside influences. You were grateful as all you wanted to do was get back to work and forget about everything that had recently been bringing you down.
She especially helped you forget about the fact that Sadie’s funeral just happened over the weekend.
Her parents had taken you in for those days. Their hugs comforted you along with your own parents as they were also close with Sadie and her parents. Together you all remembered her life.
When you saw your parents, you were also glad they didn’t ask why Ben wasn’t there. They probably assumed he was still tied up with work.
The only thing that seemed to be keeping you from breaking was the dogs. Sure, it hurt when you thought about the reason you had them, but they still helped you feel better. There was no way you couldn’t laugh at their silly antics.
What you couldn’t help but wonder was if Ben would come and try to take one of them. He wouldn’t though. He couldn’t choose then, he wouldn’t choose now. Besides, he didn’t even pester you about his own belongings and he would never do that to anybody. He would never do that to you.
“Y/N?” A voice said, breaking your thoughts and made you slightly jump. Looking up, you saw Derek. Trying your best to be genuine, you smiled.
“Hi, Derek. How are you?”
“I’m fine.” He paused. There was a glint of worry in his eyes. “Y/N, go home. There’s no reason that you need to be here. Take some more time.” Derek’s voice had the genuineness you failed to have, and was also tinted with worry.
“Paisley said something, didn’t she?”
Knowing the joke, he huffed in laughter. “Actually, it was someone else that expressed their concern for you.”
Now you were confused. Who else would be concerned? Siara would if she knew you were back at work. In the end, you shrugged it off. “Derek, I can stay. I need something to keep me busy.”
Derek only nodded as he knew he wouldn’t win even before he even started. Like how it usually was.
“Alright. If you need to, just go home. No need to worry about it.”
“Okay. Thank you,” you said with a genuine smile before he left you to work.
After that, some more time went by before another knock sounded at your door.
-
Ben tried his best to stay away. Not only for your sake, but for his own as well. If he were being honest, he was just staying away from everyone.
Ever since this all happened, rumours have spread like a wildfire. All of them painted him as a cheater, a liar, a breaker of trust. If the rumours didn’t hurt, everything else sure did.
Nearly everyone in the office became hostile towards him. Each area guaranteed some sort of dirty look or harsh words. With each passing day, it brought on new harsh looks, new insults, new threats. Eventually, some bumps and shoves had started.
As a result, it was almost as if he regressed back to his days in highschool. Always cowering away from everyone with the fear that someone would actually throw a punch. With every insult, he’d flinch. It was a fear that was never felt since before he moved to the same school as you. Sure, he still faced some criticism, but it wasn’t sending him to the hospital.
This time, he was in the same school with you, but you weren’t there to help him. To save him from the threats of the other students. Not physically, not mentally, and not with your smile.
Yes, he tried to stay away so he wouldn’t cause you more pain. He refused to let himself try and gain back your protection. He didn’t want you to have the burden of knowing how hostile it’s gotten.
It had worked until duty called that he couldn’t hand off to someone else. He had to oversee this one himself. Thankfully, it wouldn’t take long at all. A signature. This would cause you less pain than it would if it were more collaborative.
For a moment, he hated how he contemplated handing it to Paisley so that she could give it to you. No, he thought, he needed to face this. Plus, it was just work. That should warrant a safe pass, right?
Even though he hadn’t seen you since that night, he still knew that you were probably having troubles. Siara had also told him how the funeral had just happened.
He asked Derek if he could check in on you. If you found out he was the one who asked, you’d probably think he was trying to get you to leave for his sake. Which was not the reason. He didn’t want you to see the hostility towards him, but he wanted you to feel comfortable. He knew you well enough that you were probably not doing as well as you said you were.
Now, here he was at your door. For a moment, he stood there with racing thoughts. He was frozen at the thought of seeing you. It had been a while.
Paisley broke him out of it when she placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay. She can separate work from personal life,” she said quietly.
“I know. It’s if I can separate the two that’s the problem.”
Ben was thankful that people like Paisley and Siara knew the truth. At least they showed him some kindness in this place.
Finally, with a deep breath, he knocked. There was no going back now.
-
You would’ve been surprised to see Ben at your door if your job didn’t require your constant partnership.
Meeting his eyes, he seemed nervous. Not like the first time he came to your office with Siara. It sent a small jolt of guilt through you that he was like this.
“All that’s needed is a signature,” he said quietly.
Your heart hurt. It was like highschool again. You, the popular girl that was liked by most, and him, the quiet boy who hardly talked and waited for danger around every corner. For the first time since then, as well, his shoulders were shrugged up and he looked so scared and tense.
Nodding, he then hesitantly stepped forward to bring the paper over. Wanting to spare him of his discomfort, you quickly signed it.
The pain in your heart only grew when he paused before he quickly walked out of your office and closed the door. This was the first time he had ever come to your office and didn’t stay and talk.
That’s when the first prominent flicker of doubt started to fill your mind.
-
It was another few weeks before you heard what the rumours really were. Not only that, but how Ben was being treated by so many. It made you sick hearing what was going on. Now you knew why he was so tense when he came into your office.
It pained you to think that he felt like he would receive the same treatment from you. Usually, he relaxed once he saw you.
Siara was the one who told you this when she had come back. Apparently, he had been confiding in both Brian and Siara with everything. No wonder why he had been basically hiding in his office all these weeks.
Sitting on the couch with Cody and Boga curled up close to you on the couch and floor, you started to think. You let every feeling of doubt swirl your mind.
Looking back, you noticed everything he had done for you. Everything that he left up to you, never asking for anything in return. Nothing except asking for your love.
The times he spent in your office just so he could talk with you. The times he gave you his coat when you got cold. The times that he made your bad situations good ones. The times that he would greet your parents with such kindness. The times he only simply asked for you to say that you loved him. How he showed you how things weren’t always your fault. How he left every big step up to you.
Then, you looked back to those days that your first feeling of doubt about his love came in. He was always disappointed when told he had to leave. The glints in his eyes, you now realize, was sad and not telling of something traitorous to your relationship. The amount of times he would just send a simple heart emoji during the day. Then, his hair was almost always disheveled as you knew he spent countless nights without a second of sleep. How, even after you got mad, he came to you. Just like he had so many times.
Sure, Carla sleeping in his bed was still a kick in the gut, but you knew how he was. He was so kind. So generous and he was just extending that kindness to a coworker. Someone that he only saw as a friend. Someone he ignored because he only wanted to see your face every night.
Had he been desperate, he would’ve just come home to you. Even then, you told him to stay. That was something he listened to. He listened because he would never think of going against what you say.
Ben would’ve come to you, had you not insisted that he stay. Insist that he stayed so that it would be done sooner.
Then, in the aftermath of days of very few exchanged words, you never even gave him a chance to speak, to explain. Instead, you took advantage of his unwavering kindness and eagerness to just listen to you and didn’t grant him the same.
“Oh, Obi-Wan,” you muttered to yourself. Tears started to build up thinking of how selfish and cruel you had been to this kind man. To the man that loves you. To the man that you love.
Had it not been so late, you would’ve gone to see him and try and make things right. This was not something to settle over a phone. Instead, you would go to the park and think things over some more with the benefit of fresh air. Think over how you should never have pushed him away. Especially when you were grieving and you didn’t even tell him.
Walking through the night, he didn’t have any determined path of travel. All he knew was that he needed to just walk in the frigid night air. He needed to wonder as he tried to alleviate some of the suffering he’s been going through.
It wasn’t tapering off after this month. If anything, it got worse.
Now, he was in an alley by the office. It was quiet and comforting. A perfect area that allowed him to think about you. It allowed him a more private space to let his tears quietly fall. A safe space to think of everything he could’ve done differently that would’ve prevented this.
The sound of his steps along with the slight dragging of his feet was the only sound. Occasionally, it would be accompanied by sniffles that accompanied his tears. That is, until he heard many more.
At first, he didn’t acknowledge them. He just assumed it was a group passing by to go do whatever activity awaited them. Instead, they stopped and the talking he had heard that accompanied them stopped.
Looking up, he saw three guys from the office. They made eye-contact with him and gave menacing glances. Then, they started walking his way. All of them walked with a fury that he hadn’t been on the other of in so long.
“You fucker. You’ll pay, Kenobi,” one snarled before drawing his fist up. Ben couldn’t react fast enough to try and dodge it.
“There’s no one here to help you, you fucking cheater!” another yelled as he threw his own punch.
The second punch sent more pain through him as it landed in the same place as the first. They only chuckled as they watched him stumble into the brick wall of one of the buildings.
“Big shot Ben Kenobi is nothing but a defenseless wimp,” one said before a punch connected to the opposite side of his face. This one almost made him fall, but one of the three caught him and stood him back up.
This turned out to be for the benefit for the to start to land brutal blows to his ribs and abdomen. They didn’t stop until he was choking on air.
That’s when they finally let him fall to the ground, watching him struggle for air.
After a few moments, he finally gasped on air. His coughs were painful and the air stung his lungs as each breath was taken in. For a minute, they let him breathe normally, laughing at the way he was curled on the ground. It didn’t last long.
Pain shot through him, his breath was once again knocked from his lungs.
The worst part about this is that he wasn’t trying to fight back or even protect himself. He just let them kick and beat him to their heart’s content.
In a way, he even let the first punch happen. He saw it. He easily could’ve dodged it, but he didn’t. There wasn’t even any shock factor that these people would do this. Ben had known too many two-faced people to be surprised.
He deserved this. There was no fighting back. This, he thought, was what he deserved. Even though he didn’t do what they thought he did, he caused you pain. He had caused you unbearable amounts of hurt that then left you alone when you needed someone the most.
So, right now, he had a reason to let this happen. This is what he deserved and it was given to him.
When he was young, he tried to fight against it. There was no reason he should’ve been hit. He didn’t deserve it. Now, he had that reason. It was his fault.
So, he practically welcomed each punch, each kick, every little thing feeling of pain. He welcomed every bit of it even when he was blinded by his own blood and one eye had swollen shut. Then, everything went black from some sort of contact to the back of his head. The last feeling of pain before he blacked out.
-
“Y/N!” you heard Siara yell from outside your office door. She burst in not long after.
“Is everything alright?” you asked.
“Have you seen Ben? He never came back to the house last night.” Her voice was filled with worry that was mirrored across her face.
Your own worry filled you. He wasn’t one to not come back without saying anything.
“No, I-”
Paisley burst in then. For a moment she paused, gauging what she was interrupting before saying, “You’re going to want to see this.”
She quickly made her way to your computer and started to type something in. A news article popped up with a video.
“No,” you said quietly. The name in the article appeared for a moment before Paisley clicked and played the video that was security camera footage.
You recognized the three men from the office. What pained you more was that they were attacking Ben. Something that made it worse, he was just taking it. He didn’t bring a hand up to block anything. Especially once he fell to the ground, he just let them beat him to a pulp. There was no resistance. You couldn’t watch it for long after he fell. You were surprised you hadn’t looked away sooner.
For a few moments, you didn’t know why he wouldn’t try to at least defend himself. Then you knew, and you felt horrible.
“Why did he not do anything?” Siara eventually asked Paisley.
“Because he thinks he deserved it,” you said quietly with your back turned to the other two. “He thinks it’s his fault.”
Tears were brimming your eyes. You didn’t want to turn around and see the other girls’ faces. It wouldn’t help.
“Siara,” your voice was close to failing you, “can you please take me to the hospital?”
Now, you turned. Siara nodded and quickly led you out. Fear filled you at just how injured he could be. You just needed to know that he was okay.
-
“He’s in very rough shape. Multiple fractured ribs, broken wrist, black eye, some minor cuts on his scalp with a few more serious ones on his face, and a concussion. Right now, he is sleeping and may be out for a few days so his body can heal,” the doctor said as she brought you to Ben.
When you arrived at his room, your tears started to fall when you saw him. The bandages, heart monitor, IV, the cast, the swollen black eye, it all made you feel sick to your stomach. This all happened because of you. Because he loves you, and you love him. Because you pushed him away and people were ill-informed and acted on rumours.
“Nurses will come in a few times a day to check on him and clean his eye. Other than that, it will just be the two of you,” the doctor said. “When he wakes up, let us know as soon as you can.” She knew that you would need a moment when he awoke. She had made it apparent in the way she didn’t say to tell them right away.
“I will. Thank you,” you said quietly.
With that, she left you. You waisted almost no time as you were by his side, holding his uninjured hand. Letting your tears fall, you pressed a kiss to his knuckles.
“I’m so sorry, Obi,” you said against his knuckles and pressed another kiss to his hand.
-
Two days had gone by. The day before, his mother came to visit him. Thankfully, she didn’t know what happened between the two of you. Either that, or she wasn’t mad. Amelia was always the gentle and unjudging sort.
Now, you once again sat with his good hand pressed to your forehead in your hands. The doctor had said he was making good progress. To you, you wouldn’t believe it until he opened his eyes. Well, possibly still the one. The swelling may have gone down, but they couldn’t tell how much.
Those two days had been the longest ones you’ve ever had. Always just waiting to see the amazingly blue eyes meet yours once again. It was all you wished for as you constantly whispered so many apologies as he slept.
You would quietly apologize to him and tell him how much you loved him until his cerulean blues looked at you again. Hopefully, without fear or pain.
Until then, you held his hand and relished in the small contact.
This was how you stayed for two very long and painful days of listening to the almost silence of the hospital room.
You had begun to doze before you heard a difference in his breath. Then, his hand started to move. At first, your heart was starting to feel pain as he moved as if he was going to pull away, but he stopped. Instead, he tightened his hand around yours which sent a wave of relief through your entire body. It released every bit of tension and stress that you’ve been carrying for so long.
Then, his eyes slowly opened. Both of them, but his black eye was still partially closed. The eyes you had missed so much met yours. For the first time in months, there wasn’t any type of hurt in his eyes. No loneliness, no heartbreak.
“Y/N,” he said in a hoarse voice.
“Hi,” you said softly, tears of happiness gathering in your eyes as a smile grew on your face.
He moved his hand from yours and placed it on your cheek. His thumb wiped away the tear that fell.
“Obi, I’m so sorry,” you said while leaning into his hand and placing your hand over his to feel more of his gentle touch.
“Shh, it’s not your fault.”
“Did you ever think that it wasn’t your fault, either?” you said back. One thing that you were now returning, making it known that not everything was his fault either.
He smirked and his eyes grew softer.
“No,” he slightly chuckled but winced in pain, “no I didn’t think about that.”
“Well, let me show you how it wasn’t your fault.” Carefully, you leaned towards him all while making sure you didn’t cause him any pain. “If you’ll let me.”
Ben kept his hand on your cheek the entire way. All the way until he nodded and your lips met his. Then, he moved his hand to your hair.
You kissed him with every bit of love you had and have for him. Every unheard apology laced into the simple action.
He returned it with the same intensity. It was only broken when he winced.
“I-I’m sorry, did I-”
“It wasn’t you, darling,” he replied comfortingly.
You could tell he was desperately holding back a chuckle. Still, you let out a sigh of relief as you rested your head to his after making sure it wouldn’t hurt him.
For a moment, you relished the feeling of his skin against yours once again. Then, everything came rushing back. He may say it wasn’t your fault, but it was. This wouldn’t have happened if you had just let him say something.
“Obi, I really am sorry. I never even let you explain anything. Then I pushed you away because of actions that weren’t your own and I had no real evidence of.”
Then, you let everything else come out. Voicing everything that you realized he had done for you. What he always did for you. Every moment that he always put you over himself and how you interpreted every action of his wrong.
Like he always did and always will, he listened to everything you had to say. Somehow memorising every word you say like you’re the only movie he watches. The whole time, he didn’t interrupt a single moment of the scene. All he did was watch your eyes, hold your hand in his, and listen.
“And because I pushed you away, you’re now here. I’m the reason that it’s like highschool all over again.” Tears were once again building up. His black eye only punctuated what you said as you saw the glimmer of his blue through the slight swell.
Once again, he lifted his hand to your cheek, “Darling, I’m not here because of you. They didn’t have to act like that based on a rumour. It was their decision. Not yours.”
“Then why did you not fight back? It wasn’t your fault they did that.” Your voice was starting to take on a desperate plea for him to see how it wasn’t because of him either.
For a moment, you watched as he considered this. While he did, he took his eyes off of you for the first time since he had opened them.
“I felt like I deserved it,” he said gravely. “Not necessarily because I felt that it was my fault, but because of the way I made you feel. How I brought up something from the past that I strived not to conjure up,” he replied finally.
Putting your hand over his on your cheek, you shook your head. “No,” you said. “No you deserve to not have to be afraid of everyone you pass. You never should have. And, definitely, not anymore. Those feelings should never have been conjured back up. Especially not because of me.”
Ben gently pulled you towards him so that he could kiss you. “It wasn’t your fault, darling. Other than that, I will believe anything you tell me.”
Before anything more happened, you were disrupted by someone clearing their throat.
It was the doctor, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to check on him.”
You nodded, but you saw that Ben was hesitant. Leaning back towards him, you whispered, “It’s okay. There’s no need to hide anything.”
This was something that was a result of his many trips to the hospital. The doctors hadn’t been good to him and treated him improperly because one was the parent of the kid that led the beatings and bullying. This happened until his mom found out. So, since then, he had been pretty distrusting of doctors treating him.
With your words of encouragement, he nodded and you pulled away after pressing a kiss to the birthmark under his right eye.
A/N: So, this was another tough one. Although I've never actually been physically assaulted, I have faced some similar circumstances and felt like I deserved everything bad that happened. So, it kinda hit close to home but at the same time it just broke me to put these characters through this again. So, I immediately felt huge relief from the hospital scene 😅 Anyways, as always, I hope you enjoyed and just a reminder that if you would like to be apart of the taglist, message me, comment, send an ask, whatever you feel most comfortable. Also, if you want to talk, I'm always happy to hear from anyone so feel free.
Anyways, that's my little rant. Hope you all enjoy this as much as I do.
@stardancerluv @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @where-fantasy-meets-reality @hopeladybug @wintersoldiersthings
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lesbianrobin · 3 years
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If you had to rank all the 14 ST characters in the main group from most to least fav what would your ranking look like? (And by main group i mean the characters including murray and erica, and excluding karen, basically everybody involved in the final battle in 3x08)
ok let me preface this by saying that i literally love all of these characters i don't hate any of them okay?? let's go... ascending order for the drama!!
14. murray. no explanation needed. no offense to brett gelman he's phenomenal and i honestly think murray is really funny, but he's more or less just a plot device with some comic relief slapped on top.
now things get spicy <3
13. erica. love her to death! but she's fairly one-dimensional, once again primarily a comic relief character. maybe in s4 she'll get some more depth like the older kids have, but for now she's sort of a default next-to-last :/
12. will... no tea no shade but the kid's barely in the show! i absolutely want good things for him but like. i barely even know him. yknow? he’s only above erica bc he’s gay and she’s a capitalist. also that scene in s1 right before he gets snatched by the demogorgon when he just runs straight to the shed and grabs a goddamn shotgun and loads it fully ready to defend himself... that shit slapped good for him!!
11. this Will be controversial among some and i Know this character is many people's favorite... if you follow me already this is probably not going to surprise you but. nancy. i just think her character is kind of inconsistent, so i have a hard time really clicking with her :/ sometimes i love her and i think she's so cool and funny and hot (that hospital scene in s3... my GOD what a badass!) and other times i would like to fistfight her.
also let me get this out of the way right now: i'm aware that jonathan's character is ALSO super inconsistent!! i know okay??? i know!!!! please nobody judge me for how high rat boy gets on this ranking okay i'm literally making this up as i go along so idk if he's next or if he's like in the top five but i have a disease called Unreasonably Invested In Wildly Speculative Meta-Analysis Of Stranger Things which makes it impossible for me to be normal about jonathan and this is my ranking so i pick the bad taste!!!
10. joyce! i love her bro she's MOM and she tries so fucking hard all the goddamn time and she's so STRONG and kind and adorable... joyce is honestly a very unique and refreshing character ESPECIALLY if you’re considering stranger things within the horror genre which is often defined by these very specific archetypes of mothers and motherhood that i can get into if anyone is interested but like basically. love her <3
9. dustin <3 what an icon... i love him i love how he straight up killed a man and hardly flinched because it was to protect his friends and i love how he and his little girlfriend have a song they sing together and i love how he either has an insanely warped perspective on things due to low self-esteem or he just sometimes flatout lies to gain sympathy either way he’s a BABY and he’s so FUNNY and KIND and even when he’s scared he keeps going... ugh god and i love how even when he doubts his friends’ devotion to him he NEVER ever questions his devotion to them and he never ever considers leaving them behind or not stepping up to help them... he’s so brave!
8. mike is such a fucking BITCH but even more than that he is an ANGEL... literally his range who is doing it like him??? nobody!!!! graffiti’d the bathroom stall at school... hates cops.... what a legend. also i like how fucking goofy and dumb his hair looks in s3. also he’s very soft with his friends and it makes me cry. ALSO he literally stepped off a fucking CLIFF he was ready to DIE FOR DUSTIN and i know all the kids have risked their lives for each other but this wasn’t even a monster yknow this was just... bullies.... threatening his friend..... and mike couldn’t fucking let it happen bro he was ready to just step off the edge to keep dustin safe and it’s SO MUCH... and god the kindness he showed el when they first met!!! he’s a total angel and a total shithead and it’s amazing.
7. lucas my tiny baby hero.... he’s so strong and cool and capable yet at the same time he’s such a COMPLETE dork!!! he very seriously believes his slingshot wrist rocket is a lethal weapon and then he ACTUALLY USES IT AS A LETHAL WEAPON TO SAVE HIMSELF AND HIS FRIENDS!!! he hacks off a giant monster’s freaky tentacle arm thing with an axe to save his friend AND he keeps a bunch of action figures and random dice on his bedside table bro he just thinks they’re neat!!! like... i genuinely love him so much god he cares so much about his friends and he’s so brave and smart and loving... i know he is not tiny anymore but he is my tiny baby hero okay...
6. hopper! big man care for little girl... protect and love kids... dance to dad music... be goofy and hot... have trauma.... admit his faults and attempt to grow from them.... what's not to love?
5. jonathan... look i can’t explain it except that he loves his goddamn baby brother so much and i’m a sucker with extensive headcanons alright!
4. el!!! feral little darling girl!!! i literally cannot articulate the love that floods my heart whenever i see her face or think about her for too long she’s just... so strong but more than that she’s so incredibly KIND!! when she has every reason to be selfish and cruel and yeah at times she does let herself get a little mean but on the whole she’s always so goddamn kind and loving and selfless no matter how afraid she is or how she’s hurting... and i hope that with her powers gone in s4 she’ll maybe learn how to see herself as more than a tool to protect those she loves yknow but that’s off topic skdncmn i just think that el is such an incredible character with such depth!! she can be so grave and mature yet she’s still such an innocent child at the same time, and i think that both the writing and mbb’s acting are handled such that both of these things WORK and feel real and they make el (and her trauma) so believable. i just love her to death.
3. robin, light of my lesbian little life!! unfortunately she's wayyy too much like me to snag the top spot lmao. maybe once we get another season with her she’ll trample the competition but for now my baby is in a solid third place <3 i’ve never seen a lesbian on screen who i felt so accurately represented me and my experiences!! she feels so real and in just one season she’s become one of my favorites on the whole show, and i cannot fucking wait to see what else we learn about her and what development we see from her in s4. 
2. as u may have guessed... max!! i know i said this was my subjective opinion but here i’ll just say it: max is objectively one of the best characters on the show. she’s so strong and funny and quick on her feet while harboring some real pain and insecurity at the same time, and both of these aspects of her character are married perfectly, logically connecting to one another and joining with sadie’s incredible acting to create an amazing character who feels just... so real!! i absolutely adore her and i CONSTANTLY tear up just from thinking about her skdncmn...
1. what if my number one wasn't steve. like can y'all imagine???? if i just said like will or some shit???? genuinely i did consider giving max or robin top billing here but i just Can't i've dedicated too goddamn much of my life to steve harrington to deny that he's my one and only. is there anything to say that hasn't already been said? look at the bitch. just look at him. 
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what other answer could there be?
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not-your-damsel · 2 years
Text
I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys
I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.
*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up
She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️
However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.
Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.
And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.
That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.
She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.
But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.
It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.
I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.
However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.
I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”
I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.
I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”
Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!
I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.
Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.
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Sandra Belle is a young woman who is sympathetic, empathetic. And not a good person.
Here's some information on my villainous Pyschonauts OC. This may or may not cause you to hate me as a writer but I want to preface this with "I am making her a bad person. She's a villain."
Sandra Bell's backstory entails a few things.
She was a bully victim, mainly for her empathy. Her empathy was/is still extreme. Any problem that people had (fictional people or otherwise) it affected her HARD
She was recruited by the Psychonauts mainly for testing. Not to go on adventures
She has many of the same interests as other important Psychonauts, which causes people to compare her. Eventually she can't remember who she was outside of the comparisons and being around people with so many issues that some are overlapping with her own.
Sadie, showing off her instability and want to hurt those around her, harms Coach Oleander by deliberately showing him a necklace made from a bunny-butterfly (the nose and whisker area.)
At the start of her story, she is kept in Psychoisolation, only given water by a select few Psychonauts.
The Psychonauts debrief any new comers about Sadie in orientation under: Current Unstable Criminals and What to Do. Razputin did not go to orientation, and knows nothing about Sandra Bell.
Razputin is trusted to go bring Sandra some water and food, since he's been so good at helping and assisting others. Including at a mental asylum. Surely he can handle himself with one puny meal he has to watch Sandra eat.
When Raz first meets her, he does something that others haven't before. While Psychonauts are supposed to use Telekinesis to push in her meal, Raz carries it in and places it on the table near her bed. Sandra Bell, seeing this 10 year old little angel (using Clairvoyance she sees Razputin as one), introduces herself as Sadie and the two have a nice little chitchat about herself, with Sadie being vague about how "I was put here because some things of myself... they didn't like."
Of course, Raz is wary about her, but he knows that other people come into the Psychoisolation voluntarily. Which Sadie claims the voices were much too loud. She tells Raz she's a mind reader, but can hear all minds at once. She also tells him that just him being there could help her out. His mind's chaotic with the amount that he knows, and it could help her as a bridge to "reformation."
Sadie is an empath, as is Raz. But Sadie is a sadist.
Over time, she talks to Raz, she convinces him that maybe... she should go for a test run? Be in his mindscape and analyze other's thoughts while in his brain? It could be great. Sadie uses this time to put down little seeds of doubt in Raz's mind. Things like "what makes Oleander so much better than me? I shouldn't have to listen to him. He tried to take over the world and the others don't take him too seriously, either." "Nora... she should have been punished for what she did to me! I was helping the Psychic Six! Or seven, I should now say." and "Ford Cruller... I thought he was my hero but... I could have never been afraid of water if it weren't for him. I had to clean up his mess!"
Eventually, Sadie makes a deep connection with Raz, and he makes her a friendship bracelet.
They keep talking and there's a deep rooted particular seed, though Sadie didn't sow it herself. One thing she asks Raz for is a computer "just to write things down. It's so much easier" and she shows him the Campster website. Specifically remarking about how fleeting summer romances are and showing the first few messages of Lili's campster page.
Now, this boy had been so excited about his first girlfriend, so seeing this plants a BIG seed of doubt where memories of Lili is kept.
That very next day, Lili acts very cold towards Raz, not wanting to speak with him and Truman Zonatto recommends that Raz stay away from Lili "for his own good." (Bonus: the Clairvoyance that would be used on Truman would show a smaller Raz with soot all over his gloves.)
This is the straw that kind of breaks Raz's back. Sadie is there for him, empathetic and trying to help him. She makes a sly mention that "they took away my friendship bracelet, but I know a bracelet doesn't make or break our relationship." As sort of a jab to Lili. Why? Sadie is a sadist. She burned her own friendship bracelet and left the ashes on Zonatto's desk. She wanted to see Raz suffer and then swoop in with her empathy.
Of course she reasons with herself. I know he's hurt now, but soon I'll make it better. Which Raz can hear.
Sadie begins burning bridges of Raz's relationships until she is the only one left. And then she could use him. Well, not use him. Just make him see her truth. And soon they could hurt the Psychonauts with all the baggage they were both forced to carry.
And this is where Sadie shows off a power that both she and Raz have. "Manifestation." Sadie can use manifestations of people's fears and start to mess with them. Oleander? A giant bunny wielding a cleaver. Milla? Will-o-Wisps (seen as child like fire beings)
This comes to a head with the chaos in the Mother Lobe, with Sadie's actions going WAY too far for Raz's likings. And no matter what she says, Raz is done. He know's he's messed up with most of the Psychonauts, but he still runs to Agent Hollis and Sasha and explains what is going on.
Sasha and Hollis are mortified that Sandra Bell was able to get her hands on Raz but they're glad to see that seemingly no lasting damage was done unto him. But this leads to the bad thing. The last time Sandra went this crazy, Sasha had to go into her mind to get her calmed enough for them to restrain her.
So where does her sympathy come in?
The mind. Sandra Bell's mind is broken with different bits of different people. She's an empath who's lost herself. A broken mirror with different faces in each sliver. Constantly compared to other characters. So her big boss level is just... based off of different minds she's been compared to. Oleander's love of bunnies? It's a giant open field full of enemies that leads to a butcher shop with Sadie as a butcher, wearing her rabbit-butterfly necklace. Milla's love of dancing? It's a rhythm based platformer level similar to NDR. Sasha's mathematics? A quiz game that rewards health for correct answers and slews of enemies with incorrect answers. Hollis's care for patients? That's where Sadie's backstory takes place. Go through the hospital and end up in Sadie's shoes dealing with the overstimulation of thoughts and emotions around her.
Each time a level is passed, she rediscovers a little more until you're left with not a broken mirror, but a magnifying glass on a small, crying girl who just wanted to be herself but couldn't. She couldn't be herself or else she was made fun if. If not made fun of, was she really copying someone else? Embodying them? Who was she? One thing she did know. Those people were so annoying! How dare they! They all needed to pay.
Sandra may bring some sympathy. But she is still a BAD PERSON! Even though Raz and also Sasha know what she's been through, she wants to hurt.
Even still... they don't know what to do with her after putting her back in Psychoisolation. And Razputin has the need to at the very least apologize on her behalf. Though. This is when it finally comes up that Lili doesn't want to forgive Raz for "burning the bracelet." He reveals that he still has the bracelet and Lili's so overcome that she once again kisses him, showing that they should be able to get through this.
It also shows how far Sandra was willing to use Raz. To the point where something that took so much time and love was simply burnt to hurt another person.
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doc-pickles · 3 years
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won’t let no one break your heart (part four)
“Have the girls been adjusting well?”
“As well as they can be. Things have gotten better over the last few weeks.”
Jo and Alex sat in an empty conference room on the Peds floor with Martha, who was doing a check in with them. The girls had been with them for two months now, all four of them getting more and more used to their new living situation. Sadie had started back at school three weeks ago and Molly had adjusted quickly to the hospital daycare.
“You know, as of three days ago Sadie and Molly are officially wards of the state. Dad was let out on bail and OD’d within 12 hours of being released. Mom passed shortly after Molly was born,” Martha glanced up at Jo and Alex, who were both wearing shocked expressions. “Have you two thought about adopting? Both girls seem very attached to you and they’re both thriving. Sadie’s teacher said this is the most focused she’s been all school year.”
“Ummm we hadn't considered it actually,” Jo’s words come slowly, the shock on her face speaking for her. “We’re expecting a little boy in three and half months, taking on two more wasn’t really in the cards.”
“Well you two have been doing an excellent job regardless,” Martha packed her bag up and stood to leave. She turned back to Jo and Alex, who were still sitting there stunned, a smirk on her face. “Think about it, it might be good for you and for them.”
Alex’s mind whirled as he processed Martha’s words. Sadie and Molly had fit so easily into his and Jo’s routine that sometimes he forgot their arrangement was temporary. Both girls were beyond excited for the newest addition, always giving them new suggestions for baby names. (Molly’s favorite was currently Pinecone while Sadie’s was Elsa.)
If he was being honest, Alex would admit that he had considered adopting the girls more than once. The way that Sadie and Molly cuddled into his side on early Saturday mornings and how his wife always made sure to tuck them in no matter how tired she was cemented in his mind that the girls belonged with them. He knew Jo didn’t see eye to eye with him, but he also knew that a lot of her apprehension over the matter had to do with the fact that going from no kids to three kids in the house was terrifying to think about.
Both Jo and Alex’s pagers lit up, breaking them out of their daze with a 911 page to Trauma 2. They both stood and exited the conference room, boarding an empty elevator that slowly began its journey downstairs.
“Hey this probably means we get a case together,” Jo grinned at Alex, gripping his hand tightly. “We almost never get to work together anymore.”
Alex froze then, Jo was right. They never got paged together, especially with Jo being a fellow who didn’t usually work on cases that came through the ER anymore. His heart dropped, realizing that maybe there wasn't a case and something was wrong.
As soon as the elevator doors had opened, Alex knew he was right, Even from this far back, he could hear the screams coming from the trauma bay that he was all too familiar with. Jo broke her hand away from his, jogging as fast as she could towards Molly’s screams.
“She got hit in the forehead with a block, she probably won’t even need stitches but I think the blood is freaking her out,” Owen is standing in front of Alex now, but he can barely process what he’s saying as Molly continues to scream. “We haven’t been able to calm her down since they brought her over.”
Alex pushes past Owen, following the screams until he’s standing behind Jo outside of the trauma room. He watches as Molly finally sees Jo, her screams turning into cries as she outstretches her hands towards her, “Mama! Mama, Mama!”
If Jo is fazed by Molly’s words she doesn’t show it as she surges forward and gathers the little girl in her arms, “It’s okay baby, you’re alright.”
Molly’s cries finally settle down to whimpers as Jo rocks her back and forth, allowing Alex to look at the cut on her forehead. Owen’s right, the cut is shallow and won’t need stitches, but Molly’s face is dripping with blood. He quickly cleans her up, watching as she slowly falls asleep on Jo’s shoulder. Once she’s out, Alex takes the toddler from Jo, watching as she collapses into a fit of tears.
“I heard her screaming and I thought the worst. And she was covered in blood and I just…,” Jo takes a deep breath before a sob breaks from her throat, Alex pulling her into his chest as she continues to cry. He’d truly never seen Jo so upset, her body shaking as she curled into his embrace.
Alex knew then that he needed to convince Jo of what she couldn’t see, that she too had grown attached to the little girls that slept across the hall from them. Her fear was clouding her judgement, he knew damn well that Jo would be a great mother, she already practically was one to Sadie and Molly. Afterall, it was her who Molly had called out for and been comforted by.
Looking between Molly and Jo curled up against him, Alex couldn’t help but feel like things were falling into place for them. Everyday both Sadie and Molly taught him something new about being a parent and showed him that he didn’t have a reason to be scared about parenthood. He just hoped that Jo could see what he did…
+
Three days after Molly’s ER run in, Alex is blindsided by a completely different situation. He’d just finished his work for the day and was about to find Jo and Molly when both of them showed up on the Peds floor.
“Hey, I was just about to go and find you two,” Alex leaned down to kiss Jo’s cheek, his tired brain finally registering the woman standing behind his wife. “Mom? What’re you doing here?”
“I came to surprise my son and daughter in law, but instead I found out that they’ve got two and a half kids they’ve been hiding from me,” Helen leaned up to kiss Alex’s cheek, chuckling at his sheepish expression. “Oh don’t feel bad dear, this little one has already buttered me up, haven’t you Molly?”
A nervous smile spread across Alex’s cheeks as he avoided his mom’s gaze. He had only recently told his mom that she was going to be a grandmother again, but he hadn’t mentioned how far along Jo was. He was certain that if the six month baby bump his wife was sporting wasn’t enough to shock her, that the toddler on her hip was.
Alex looked from Helen to Jo, who shrugged at him to indicate that she was just as thrown off as he was. Turning back to his mom, he tried to look as sincere as possible, “Sorry mom, we’ve been… overwhelmed around here. But the girls aren’t ours, it’s just temporary.”
“Why don’t we head back to the house? It’s almost time to pick Sadie up anyways,” Jo looked to Alex with a small smile, her expression calm as if to say she would handle the situation. “We can order pizza and you can show off the new house to your mom.”
The drive to pick up Sadie and back home was loaded with Alex and Jo filling Helen in on everything happening in their lives, including how Sadie and Molly had fallen into their laps. As soon as they’d picked up Sadie though, her and Helen couldn’t stop talking. The six year old had instantly bonded with ‘Nana Helen’ and had a million questions for her.
Once they arrived back at the house, Jo hurried the girls upstairs for a bath while Alex showed his mom around the new house. A smile appeared on Helen’s face as they walked into the bedroom that they’d made up for the girls, “You know you have that same sense about you that you did when you would take care of your siblings. Like you’d do anything for those girls.”
“Well, I would, they’re special,” Alex tried to brush his mom’s comment off, but the words stuck with him. “Their case worker wants us to make it official, adopt them ya know? And Jo isn’t sold on it, but…”
“But you are, you’re already hooked,” Helen let out a small laugh at Alex’s shocked face. “Don’t act so surprised, I am your mother after all. I know that you want to keep them, so does your wife even if she can’t see that. Have you seen the way her face lights up when Molly calls her mama?”
“Oh don’t get me started on that,” Alex chuckled, wrapping an arm around his mom and bringing her into his side. “I’ll win her over. Or the girls will… either way, I think you might get three new grandkids here soon.”
After dinner had finished, Molly and Sadie both found themselves cuddled into Helen’s side while the family watched a movie together. While Molly was invested in the movie, Sadie was watching with wide eyes as Helen knitted in front of her, “What is that going to be?”
“It’s a hat for the baby,” Helen pulled at the green yarn, explaining the stitches to Sadie. “I figured he might need something to keep him warm since it’s so cold in Seattle.”
“That’s a big hat for a tiny baby,” Sadie mused, causing Alex to chuckle from across the room. “What’s so funny Alex?”
“Nothing, the hat’s just big because Karev babies have extra big heads,” Jo’s hand comes up to slap Alex’s head, prompting him to look down at his wife who was stretched out across him. “What?! You’re the one that decided to procreate with me, you’ve seen my big ass head.”
“Alexander Michael! Language! There's children here,” Jo’s tone makes Alex laugh, hearing his foul mouthed wife berate him for saying the word ‘ass’ well and truly undoing him. “Stop laughing at me, you’re insufferable.”
As Alex and Jo settled in for the night, all he could think about was what his mom had said to him earlier. Jo was laid out in bed already, palms resting on her belly, “You know I don’t get it.”
“Get what?,” Alex looked up from where he was brushing his teeth, eyeing his wife as she stared at the ceiling.
“I don’t get how you can leave your baby, your own flesh and blood, at a fire station when they’re not even a week old. I could never imagine a world where making that decision makes sense,” Jo pauses for a moment, Alex watching as her mind works out her next words. “I can’t imagine doing that to our baby, I can’t even imagine doing that to Sadie and Molly and they’re not even ours. I just… I’ve been painting this picture in my head for years that my mom did the right thing but now I’m not so sure.”
Climbing into bed and wrapping his arms around his wife, Alex pressed a kiss to her neck, “You know I’ve been thinking.”
“Always dangerous words coming from you.”
“I think we should keep the girls, make it official,” Jo turned in his arms, her eyes blown wide as she met his pleading ones. “They’re doing so good here and they’re comfortable and-”
“Alex, in a few months we’re going to have a newborn,” Jo’s fingers looped through Alex’s to press against her stomach, as if to emphasize her point. “We agreed it was only temporary, three kids is a lot to take on.”
Knowing he’d either anger or freak out Jo if he kept pushing, Alex let out a sigh as he pressed a kiss into her head, “Okay, if you say no then it’s a no. I won’t ask again.”
He settles down then, his breathing evening out and his body almost asleep when he feels wet tears soaking into his shirt. Alex knows Jo’s mind is racing just the same as his, but she doesn’t want to entertain the same ideas that he has. Instead of bringing up his wife’s emotional state, he tightens his grip around her and rubs her back silently.
+
“Nana I don’t want you to go, what if you just stayed with us forever?”
Helen chuckles at Sadie’s pleading tone as she zips up her suitcase. Both Sadie and Molly are perched on Helen's bed in the guest room, watching with sad expressions as she made sure she has everything. In the three days that she’d been in Seattle, both girls had grown closer to Helen than any of the adults could’ve anticipated.
“I’m sorry sweetie, I have to get back home,” Helen sat between the girls, both of them immediately climbing into her lap. “But I do have a surprise for you two.”
Helen reached into her handbag and pulled out two bright green knitted hats, the same color as the tiny one she’d been working on the past few days. Both girls eagerly put the hats on, giggling as they looked at each other.
“We look like teddy bears Nana,” Sadie swatted at the two pompoms on top of Molly’s hat with a grin. “And we match the baby’s hat!”
“Well I didn’t want you to feel left out,” Helen looked between the girls and sent a wink in Sadie’s direction. “I have a feeling that you two will be good big sisters.”
The girls spent a few more minutes enjoying Helens presence before Alex came in and interrupted, “Alright girls we gotta get Nana to the airport. If you come with us we can go to the park after.”
Molly rushed to Alex's arms, the two walking out of the room as Sadie lingered behind and looked up to Helen with a worried expression, “Do you think next time you come back that me and Molly will still be here?”
“You know what,” Helen leaned down and pressed a kiss to Sadie’s forehead. “I think you will be.”
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redpandapanic8 · 4 years
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Steven Universe future
So some spoilers because like, I’m all caught up.
So I really hate it when people call Steven a hypocrite
Like yeah I get it. When he was younger he talked all the time about change and seeking help for your issues and now he’s having a hard time with that exact same thing.
And the reason why I hate that people are calling Steven a hypocrite is because when he gave all this wise and adult advice, Steven was a child. and like he still is!
And something that is a really common phenomena that no one really talks about is that
When a child is raised in a situation where they are forced to be way too mature for their age
when a child is forced to be the parent to younger siblings when their parents are absent
when they are forced to be self sufficient because of neglect
when abuse or neglect cause a 10-14 year child to make serious adult choices or face serious adult situations
that, when the child is finally safe, and as they start to grow up, they begin to struggle with how to function. They have spent their developing years being adults and now as they cross the physically threshold into adulthood, they begin to have a lot of issue.
Its actually really easy for these children, who spent their childhood acting as adults and fighting against certain behaviors, to fall easily into behaviors that mirror those same behaviors that they were forced against. maybe even in a way where they don’t entirely recognize at first that its the same thing their parents did to them.
this often even cause young adults, who were force to be adults as children, the behave in a way that would be considered immature in others their age. this is because they didn’t get to be kids when they are kids so once they are in a safe situation, they start to become the kids they never got to be. Its almost like their brains were like, “fuck it isn’t safe ti be a kid rn” and the once they were safe, “Their brains were like “kid mode activated”.
And I think this is the direction that the Crewniverse is going with Steven.
Steven never really got to be a kid. he grew up in a van, and like we can blame Greg for that partly but Greg did get a house built for him. The hospital thing could be partly that Greg was poor and couldn’t afford doctors visits and partly because a fear that the doctors might do something bad to Steven if they reported his gem shit to higher ups.
But Stevn still never got to be a kid. He never got to go to school, he never got to have kid friends. You realize his only friends until he was 14 was his 100 year old moms and his dad. he probs wasn’t even friend with Sadie and Larss until they started working at the big donut and if theyre 17-18 in the og show then thats maybe like a casual three years of friendship. But even then that means this child was virtually by himself and had no friend until he was 11!!!
And of course this was why he was so eager to start joining the Gems on missions. he was home alone when they were out and he was lonely. he became self sufficient because of this. So instead of encouraging him to stay a child, he was allowed to go on life and death missions. He just progressivley became more and more mature, forced into more and more serious situations. And yes most kids always want to be treated like grown ups, but the reason he was so hung up on it was because he was mentally more mature the his age.
I’ve met tons of people who had this same desire. That because they were the emotionally adult in their home, they wanted , the yearned, to be treated as one as well.
Then Steven, forced to grow up, is forced through all this trauma, forced to make these adult choices. choices like choosing to sacrifice himself to homeworld to save his friends. choosing to face the diamonds one on one, choosing to find a way to save the cluster. All of these things not only caused Steven Trauma, but they forced Steven into adulthood far too early.
Now, just as many children in his predicament do, no that he is safe, his brain if letting him feel all that shit he pushed back to deal with his trauma, and the worse part is that he know, he knows, that change is natural, that he is being selfish, that he is being a hypocrite. So he is beating himself up, and just as he was alone in his childhood, he feels alone as a teen. He is pushing others away because he has always been independent, he has always been able to handle things, so why is this different. And unfortunately his family has reinforced this by reacting unfavorably to him when he was a younger child.
And that’s why I hate when people call him a hypocrite and say this isn’t like him, but as a kid who was also forced to be an adult too early, I did some of the same shit. whe I was 16 and 17 i developed some of the same toxic habits that my shitty parents had put me through, just with a twist that made me not recognize them as the same. I grew out of it thanks to relying on my friends and shit. But like I made mistakes, i hurt people, things I’m not proud of, but they happened and I think it’s a really common thing. i’ve met other people who had similar childhoods giving similar accounts.
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what-if-rpg · 3 years
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Welcome to the family, ALY (she/he/they)! Your application to BLAINE ANDERSON was accepted. I am really happy to have you around! Make sure to read the beginners checklist, and remember, have fun! I can’t wait to roleplay with you! Have fun!
IN CHARACTER
CHARACTER NAME: Blaine Devon Anderson

CHARACTER AGE & DATE OF BIRTH: 27, April 7th

OCCUPATION: Broadway Actor and Singer

FACE CLAIM: Darren Criss

HOMETOWN & CITY WHERE LIVES NOW: Born in Boston, MA. Lives in New York City, NY. 

SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER: Gay & Cis Male

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Separated from Kurt Hummel

POSITIVE TRAITS: generous, passionate, gregarious 

NEGATIVE TRAITS: naive, emotional, controlling

CHARACTER QUOTE/LYRIC: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. 

ANYTHING ELSE?: None!
HEADCANONS
Blaine has always been the man with a million interests. Of course, theatre and performing are his main interest, but in middle and high school Blaine played different sports, read prolifically, watched nerdy movies, and joined many clubs. Painting himself into a corner had always felt a little silly to him. He never wanted to be defined by any one thing. He’s gay and he loves nerd culture and follows football. He listens to record upon record of classic rock, but can belt all the latest top 40 hits. He can play a wide spread of instruments because just one was never enough. It’s helped him never fall into niches. He has friends from a wide spread of backgrounds and interests and he feels that that makes his life a whole lot richer than if he picked a lane and stayed in it. Maybe that makes him a little all over the place, but he’d rather that than be average in any way.
Because of being bullied in school for being gay, Blaine is a huge advocate for anti-bullying and protecting queer youth. He knows that he was extremely lucky to have parents who could afford to send him to private school when the bullying was too much. A majority of LGBT kids don’t have that luxury. He tries to volunteer as much as he can and makes sure that a portion of all his paychecks go to organization doing work to make the world a safer place for kids like him who struggled finding a safe place to be their authentic selves. He feels like that is the least that he can do with what his life has given him. Paying it forward.
Blaine has performed in six different Broadway shows in his time since leaving school. Finding success, even in the smallest of parts, really solidified for Blaine that this is what he wanted to do with his life. He was born to be on stage. Sometimes it’s stressful never knowing what the next job will be or if his luck will someday run out, but he has faith that he’ll always get to keep making art and helping people, even if Broadway doesn’t last. Plus, he always has his music and singing. It’s not really a career as much as a hobby, but it helps to fill in the gaps between shows. Most recently, Blaine is between jobs, auditioning around and performing his music at clubs and cabarets.
Blaine is adopted. After struggling so much to conceive Cooper and then trying again for over a year to conceive a second child, the Andersons eventually decided that going down the route of newborn adoption was better for them as a family. They were eventually paired with a young woman in Boston and just a few months later, they were receiving the call to come to the hospital and meet their son. Blaine was the name that the Andersons chose and his birth mother chose Devon. The adoption would be closed, but they all thought it was important for the baby to have a piece of where he got his start. Growing up, he always knew he was adopted. His curly hair and easily tanned skin reflected his birth mother’s Filipina roots, which Pamela Anderson had tried to make sure Blaine grew up connected to.
CONNECTIONS
(new, to be added to the existing ones)
THE ANDERSONS (Parents): While Blaine’s childhood was certainly nothing where he wanted for anything that money could buy him, that didn’t mean that it was perfect. Blaine was the younger son with a big brother who he looked up to for everything. Part of that, though, translated into his young mind as a need to be as valuable in the eyes of his parents as he perceived that his brother was. With his mother, Blaine knew that she and Cooper were very close and, of course, the baby sibling instinct was always to look for her affection. Once Blaine was older, in school, and had friends of his own, he stopped being so clingy. She was the kind of mom that gave Blaine his space to explore himself and what he wanted to do, but who was always there if he needed her. When it comes to his father, Blaine always tried to do what he needed to do to earn his affection. He kept good grades. He was polite and charming. Especially when Cooper was old enough that he left home and it was the three of them in their big house in Lima, Blaine felt like he had to live up to his dad’s expectations.
When he came out at 13, it was clear that was not what his father wanted to hear. His mom and, of course, Cooper, always supported him, but Blaine wanted that love from his father, too. He did whatever his dad wanted. Fixing cars like he’d done with Cooper. Toning his personality down. Whatever it took. He knew his dad loved him, of course. When Blaine went through a hate crime at a Sadie Hawkins dance at 14, his father’s first response was to get him transferred to Dalton Academy with its rigorous anti-bullying policy. Still, Blaine couldn’t help but feel like being gay was something to do quietly in their house. Now, all grown up, his relationship with his parents is a more stable. It took time and work, but now that he’s an adult and has a child of his own, Blaine feels secure in the love they feel for him and that he feels for them.
COOPER ANDERSON (Brother): When Blaine was little, he idolized Cooper. Their shared love of music and acting - something that Blaine was sure Cooper inspired in him - meant that they always had something to talk about. The tension in their relationship mostly came after Cooper left home. Sometimes Blaine felt like all he did when he got to see his brother was listen to criticism. He tried to remember that his brother loved him and wanted him to succeed, but he missed the times when things felt more like encouragement than feedback. Still, there is nothing that Blaine wouldn’t do for Cooper. Getting older and having their lives and families and careers grow definitely repaired a lot of the issues in their brotherhood. At the end of the day, Blaine knows that Cooper has his back and hopes that Cooper feels the same way about him.
SERENA HUMMEL-ANDERSON (Daughter): Serena is, without a doubt, the center of Blaine’s world. He’d always loved kids, cradling baby dolls and playing school as a child. If he hadn’t gone so fill tilt into performing, he knew he’d probably have become an elementary school teacher or something like that. What wasn’t negotiable, though, is that Blaine would be a father. It felt like an inherent part of his destiny. With he and Kurt married and happy, welcoming a little life into their family felt natural. Meeting Serena was the happiest day of his life. Of course, with their marriage falling apart, their little family was changed, but what never would differ is how much Blaine loves his baby. It’s hard to not get to see her all the time, but with joint custody and the flexible schedule of a performer, Blaine tries his hardest to be the best dad that he can be. And he’s so proud of the little girl she is becoming.
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blainewarblcr · 4 years
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A BRIEF ANDERSON FAMILY INTRODUCTION that nobody wanted or asked for but I’m bored and wanted to do shit. Here are some headcanons I have about Blaine’s family and his relationship with them. Thank you. 
PARENTS 
Devon Walter Anderson FATHER. 
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   Devon Anderson came from a wealthy family, his father, Walter Anderson, was an investment banker with his own company which Devon worked within and eventually took over when his father became too old to manage affairs. Devon definitely has a better relationship with his eldest son than he does Blaine. As a child, Blaine would’ve done anything to please him. When Blaine told his family he was gay, Devon voiced his dislike for the fact, his exact words being “You’re my son and I love you but I can’t tell you I’m okay with this.” and from that day on Blaine felt like nothing but a complete disappointment to him, the only time Blaine felt any real affection from him was the night of the Sadie Hawkins dance when Blaine and his friend were beaten mercilessly and hospitalized; When Blaine explained about Dalton’s zero bullying policy and asked to be transferred, Devon didn’t even argue and organized it immediately. Their relationship now is a little better than it was, they try and be civil at least, but Blaine constantly expresses his hatred for his father’s casual homophobia. 
Pamela Guinto MOTHER.
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Blaine’s mother was born and raised in Manila. Her family moved to America when Pamela was in her teenage years. Pamela wanted to become an actress, she attended theatre school and starred in a handful of musicals and drama productions. On the stage is where Devon first set eyes on her, he met her after a performance in the late 70′s where she was an extra in Annie with no speaking part or any real stage time but something about her captivated him. They dated for two years before they married, she abandoned her acting dreams for a new dream - motherhood.   Pamela has loved both her children equally and as much as she possibly could for their whole lives, she made sure they had equal say and equal opportunities. When Blaine came out she wasn’t surprised (a monther’s instinct is never wrong), and to this day they remain as close as ever. After Blaine moved to the city, he and Cooper moved her out of Ohio to be closer to them, and they visit her as often as they can, and Blaine calls and FaceTimes with her at least 4 days a week. As he’s grown older, his relationship with her has grown into something akin to two best friends.  Blaine learned Tagalog at an early age out of respect for her and his grandparents, who moved back to the Philippines shortly after Cooper was born. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Devon and Pamela settled in Salem however they moved to Westerville shortly after Blaine was born. then Lima later. Devon and Pam are no longer together, their relationship started to fray when Blaine moved to McKinley and Devon’s disliking for his son’s sexuality became more apparent as he started seeing Kurt. Arguments were no longer few and far apart and seemed to be a nightly occurrence. They decided to separate in 2013 but stayed together for a little while after as the decision was made the night before Blaine called from school to say they’d had a shooter. Once Blaine was more at ease they announced they were separating and later divorced. Devon remarried in December 2019, Pam has been single since. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
ADDITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS  
Cooper Anderson BROTHER.
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Cooper is Blaine’s older brother by 11 years. Due to the large age gap, there was a lot of conflict between them, mostly on Cooper’s side. He took an instant dislike to the idea of being an older brother and decided that instead of treating him like a buddy, he was going to boss him around and he became very critical of everything Blaine and it continued into Blaine’s high school years. They had a handful of calm moments, and while they were both attending the same public school, Cooper got into his fair share of fights trying to protect Blaine because he had the sort of idea that only he was allowed to make his kid brother’s life a misery. They never had physical fights, mostly it was verbal, occasionally they would have typical sibling fights in which Blaine somehow always ended up on Cooper’s back pulling his hair after Cooper had tried forcing him to smell his gym shoes. Cooper followed in his mother’s footsteps and became an actor, however it took him an extraordinarily long time to get a break and most of his resume is made up of commercials and movies that bombed or never got made.  Cooper and Blaine patched up their relationship after his failed audition for Transformers, shortly after Cooper met and fell in love with a woman and became a father and it has mellowed him completely. Their relationship is a lot better now, Cooper is everything a big brother and best friend should be.
Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Henderson SISTER-IN-LAW (kinda).
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Charlie is Cooper’s partner. She’s laid back, has an incredible sense of humor, and probably gets on better with Blaine than Cooper does! Charlie works as a professional chef in the city and almost always has something cooking even at home. She is openly pansexual and frequently joins Blaine in his activism for LGBTQ+ rights. Charlie is naturally funny, she has a very relaxed view on life and tries not to get too hung up in negativity which is why Blaine admires her so much. They try and get together at least once a month and go out for cocktails at a local LGBT bar. 
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Cooper and Charlotte have been together for 10 years but remain unmarried. Together they have 3 children.  Autumn Jade was born in 2013, she’s a steadfast little girl, she attends ballet class which makes Blaine cry whenever he thinks about it. She always has so much fun with her Uncle Bean, he takes her to the movies, and to (age-appropriate) theatre shows, they always dress up and Blaine treats her like royalty, which she finds equal parts silly and loves it.  Their twin boys William ‘Billy’ Bear (often called Billy-Bear) and Perseus ‘Percy’ George were born in 2015, and they are every stereotype you can imagine for boys their age. Loud, boisterous, always wanting to play soccer, or soldiers, or dinosaurs. They love to play with Blaine because he’s a big kid himself and ultimately he lets them get away with stuff Charlie or Cooper would never.  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Esme Dior Anderson-Beck STEP MOTHER.
( FC UNDETERMINED )
Esme is Devon’s second wife, they coupled towards the end of 2018 and married in December of 2019. She and Blaine don’t get on but it isn’t for lack of trying; she has tried very hard for them to be friends but Blaine is reluctant to let her in for the fact she is two years older than he is, and something about her reminds him of all the girls who were awful to him in high school and contributed to making his life hell. 
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Warblers Headcanons because I’m gay
I know this is an incorrect quotes account but I’m gay and so is Blaine. Also I love the Warblers. Anyway-
-Blaine has known Nick and Jeff since he was three, meeting at a park at little Nick’s birthday party that was happening. He was interesting by the balloons and celebrating and managed to waddle away from his nanny who desperately ran after him. Jeff was another uninvited toddler that the boys met when they went on the little swings. Something just clicked in their weird little curious and outgoing 3-year-old minds and they became fast friends, much to the fear of the three families
-When Blaine got attacked at Sadie Hawkins, Nick and Jeff were furious and demanded the Andersons to transfer him to Dalton. They sat by his side when he was in a coma for two weeks and went to all his physical therapy sessions, subtly bringing Dalton Academy up to him as well. Blaine eventually agreed, and the Andersons were hesitant at the cost and the fact that their gay son would be surrounded by boys, but agreed nonetheless. When Nick and Jeff begged their own parents to let them go, it hardly took five minutes for the Duvals to agree just to shut him up (because God that boy will not shut up if he really wants something) but it took the Sterlings a day or so
-It was actually Trent who got the three of them to join, even though Blaine was quiet and Nick and Jeff were giving looks to everyone that said “touch him, I dare you, I fucking dare you”
-The boy, bless his soul, somehow knew that the three boys just needed to calm down and feel accepted, and what better way to do that than the Warblers?
-Also he was Nick’s roommate and decided “this boy can sing” after hearing him in the shower but that’s unrelated
-He didn’t plant drugs on him though he’s not Will Schuster
-Anyway: Y’all know the Warbler council is Thad, Wes, and David, right? Well, like most fanfics have, Wes is the stressed mom friend™. David, however, is the weird dad-type that’s like a child but also a protective parent. Thad is kinda a dumb bitch but he also knows all the tricks to get the Warblers to behave, more like the big brother/dad type 
-Everyone believes the Warblers are all sweet and polite, always behaving and super smart
-Hahaha, no
-These boys are a fucking mess
-They’re all children
-Wes cries on multiple occasions just thinking about going in and directing them, but he loves them very much
-He jokingly started calling them baby birds and so now they call him mama bird, and David is Big Bird, while Thad is just bird bitch 
-Jon Cozart apparently auditioned for Glee so in my mind he’s a Warbler named Chase Campbell because fuck you that’s why
-I might make a list of all the Warblers later because I named all of them and I love them a lot and also I’m a whore for the Warblers
-They all love bringing up the fact that Thad once got a -14 on an assignment in middle school (based on the fact that one of my friends actually got this grade but the teacher felt so bad for her that he just didn’t count it as a grade for her at all)
-They’re also really competitive? Like them playing Uno... sis better run
-One time they broke a chandelier 
-Wes has to constantly tell teachers they don’t need an adult, that he has them all perfectly handled. The teachers all believe him because, like everyone else, the boys act all sweet and innocent as if nothing happens 
-One time the Warbler council bought child leashes for the most troublesome Warblers
-Nick and Jeff are two of those Warblers
-They all talk about Pavarotti as if he’s a human child 
-One time Wes was asked why he’s so good with kids and he accidentally said “well I have eleven sons” and then went “I mean, friends. I’m the leader of my show choir group and they’re morons”
-Wes acts like he hates them but if they even fall down the stairs he goes full mother hen mode but just for the small injuries like a paper cut or something
-It’s funny cause he doesn’t bat an eye if one of them screaming in pain. He’s just like “suck it up bitch we have rehearsal”
-That poor Warbler needed a hospital
-All of them are really close friends
-Everyone kinds jokes that the Warblers are all polyamory and in one big relationship since they can be touchy feely with each other or jokingly say flirtatious things
-None of them confirm or deny this
-There is a spray bottle jokingly labelled “holy water” that the council uses when couples are being too romantic, whether they’re gay couples in Dalton walls or straight couples during weekend hangouts or something 
-One time Trent stole it from David, unscrewed it, and poured the whole thing on Nick and Jeff
-The thing about these morons is that if you mess with one of them, you mess with all of them. If the gay Warblers are harassed for being gay, then all the other ones get pissed and gang up on the one who harassed them, using protective words and such. Luckily, Dalton is all about tolerance so there’s no harassment, but it’s when they’re at Sectionals or whatever and exploring the city, and they hear it that they get protective 
-They’re pure chaos, but around newbies they are calmer, tamer, sweeter. They want to make sure the newbie (usually called baby birds) feels loved, supported, and wanted because at Dalton, you never know why the boy’s there. Could be bad family, could be abandonment, or anything of the sort. So when Kurt was at Dalton for the few months, they weren’t as chaotic as they usually were, they only start being chaotic around newbies when he feels comfortable around them, initiating jokes himself. Kurt, despite how loved he felt in the Warblers, knew they weren’t for him and so they were never that chaotic around him
-They also had a mini funeral for Pavarotti, who obviously is affectionately nicknamed Pav and is remembered for Warbler history, all named after musicians 
-Speaking of, Pav’s story didn’t end with the one in the show, and it didn’t start there either. It’s been a tradition since the start of the Dalton Academy Warblers
-They all also like to refer to themselves as other bird names, and the rest of the school lovingly calls them “bird boys” so they take the title happily, loving it
-It’s more of a joke than anything, but they figure if they make fun of the “Warblers” name then if others do, it won’t hurt them
-“Ready to start, parakeets?” 
-“Okay, canaries, Regionals is soon, we need to practice!”
-“Alright robins, lets get this show on the road!” 
-“We can’t slack off! We’re the Dalton Academy Blue Jays!”
-“Hello Sectionals? This is the Hummingbirds calling to say WE FOUND OUR OPENING SONG!” 
-“Dalton Academy Swallows are very proud of their abilities.”
-“Owls are gonna win!”
-They have a group chat that changes names very often, but it’s always on mute because these boys never shut the fuck up oh my god
-They’re all walking memes I swear to god
-Most of them quote vines a lot and obviously the funny TikToks (like the ones from now, obviously because we’e gonna pretend it existed then)
-One time one of them said they’ve never seen any Marvel movies and four more threatened to leave the group then and there
-I have so many more but like this post is getting long and it’s only season 2 Warblers not even season 3 and up oh boy
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Knock, Knock. Part 25
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Chapter Summary: You spend your last day at home, and Jensen and you head to the airport.
Pairing: (single) Jensen x Reader
Warnings: Cussing, Fluff
Word Count: 2900+
A/N: Sorry it’s taking so long to update. I’m kinda at a writers block for this series, and feel like it’s going on WAY longer than I anticipated... Please let me know what you think! I need some comments cause I’m lost on what to do...
Part 25:
The day went on with little bits of awkward tension here and there, but for the most part it was just a day filled of catching up with family before you left.
Jensen and your flight was at 7:30, so you wanted to get to the airport at about 6-6:30 at the latest. There was a chance it would be really busy, or super slow. You wouldn’t know ‘till you got there.
You were all packed up and were going to load your last bag in the car when Jensen met you halfway and offered to pack it for you. You exchanged soft smiles and held a lingering eye contact until Charlie came out and interrupted you.
“Hey, Jensen! Mind if I talk with you for a second?” he said smiling as he approached you two.
“Yeah, sure.” Jensen smiled looking from you to him. “I’m just finishing loading up.”
“Cool, I’ll help.” Charlie said grabbing your carry on and walking to the back of the jeep with Jensen who turned to give you one last look and smile. “Oh, and Y/N/N, Zoe, Mom, and Sadie said they wanted to talk to you before you left.” Charlie said turning and shooting you an eye.
“Should I be worried?” you asked returning the look.
“Don’t ask me. I don’t understand girl code.” he shrugged turning back to the car.
You rolled your eyes and chuckled turning back to the house, and putting your hands in your back pockets as you walked to the door.
Jensen watching your every move until the door closed.
“And that, is what I want to talk about.” Charlie said breaking his thoughts as he threw the bag into the car.
“W-What?” Jensen stuttered with wide eyes having a feeling he got caught checking you out.
“Listen dude, I’m all for what’s happening here.” Charlie said crossing his arms, leaning on the back of the jeep, and looking at the house never once glancing at Jensen.
“Wh-What’s happening?” Jensen said playing dumb.
Charlie rolled his eyes dramatically before turning to Jensen.
“First off, you can’t even get a sentence out without stuttering, and I see the way you look at her. Hell, the whole family sees the way you look at her. We aren’t blind.” He chuckled.
“Look at her? I-I don’t look at her-“
“You’re stuttering again.”
Jensen let out a sigh and leaned on the truck like Charlie deciding to give up the dumb act.
“I have a feeling this isn’t a man to man talk thing, but more of a big brother conversation.” Jensen grinned.
“Eh, little bit of both.” Charlie shrugged. “I like you Jay. The family likes you and Y/N DEFINITELY likes you.”
“She does?”
“The only people who don’t see it, are the two people that need to see it.” There was a pause as Jensen processed it and Charlie watched him think. “Here’s my thoughts. As a big brother, the only thing I need to say is, if you hurt her. I hurt you. Case and point.”
Jensen chuckled and nodded.
“Wouldn’t dream of hurting her, but if I did, I give you full permission to kick my ass.”
“Good. When I was about to head down to Austin to take care of her old boyfriend, she called and told me she already sent him to the hospital. So she may beat me to it.” Charlie joked.
“Trust me, I’ve been on the receiving end of her fist before, and she’s got a mean right hook.”
“I can confidently say I taught her that at a young age. Of course, she perfected with time, but I gave her the foundations of it.” Charlie winked making Jensen laugh. “Besides that, she is my sister and I only want the best for her.” He said going back to serious. “But… Because I want the best for her, I know you are a good man Jensen. She wouldn’t have brought you here if she thought differently.”
Jensen smiled at the ground as he drummed his hands nervously on the back of the jeep.
“I can tell you’re second guessing things dude, but for all the wrong reasons.” Charlie interrupted.
“What do you mean?”
“You think she doesn’t like you, and you’re worried how she’ll adjust to your life. Then you’re worried what’ll happen if it doesn’t work out-“
“Are you reading my mind?” Jensen said in a short laugh.
“No, I just know how guys think.” Charlie answered. “My opinion? Take the chance. Don’t overthink it and take the chance.”
Charlie stood up and Jensen followed. He patted Jensen on the back and shook his hand.
“Thanks Charlie. Honestly, it was good to hear someone else’s perspective on it. I needed the push.” Jensen said giving him a firm handshake.
“I will gladly shove you if you need me to.” Charlie joked making them both laugh as they turned to the house, and headed back inside.
__
As you opened the door, and walked in the house, not even two steps in Zoe grabbed your arm and dragged you to her room. Your mom and Sadie were both sitting on the bed already talking, but as soon as you were inside they turned to you, and Zoe shut the door quickly.
“Ok, why did I just get kidnapped in my own house?” you asked wide eyed taking in your surrounding and the energy in the room. “Also, why do I feel like I just entered a self-help convention?”
“Because that’s what this is.” Your mom answered getting up and moving you to the bed where she was sitting.
Now her and Zoe were standing, and Sadie was sitting next to you.
“We don’t have much time, so get to the point.” Zoe interrupted making your mom turn and give her a raised eyebrow. “I mean- please? Ma’am?”
Your mom brushed it off and turned back to you who was snickering at your sister’s mistake.
“You like Jensen, he likes you, talk about it.” She said crossing her arms.
“Mom-“
“Nope, no arguing. What are you going to do about it? How are you going to approach this?” she said getting straight to the topic.
“I don’t know! I don’t know how we even feel about each other. I mean I think there is a mutual attractions, but-“ you were messing with your hands now as you thought about the night before, and this morning.
“Y/N, there is no ‘thinking’ to do. You both like each other, everyone sees it. I just need confirmation you’re not going to let a good man go cause your scared of the past, and that you are going to sit down and talk about it with him.”
“She’s right Y/N/N. You have a masters in talking about your feelings with people, but anytime someone brings this up, you try changing the subject.” Sadie said placing a hand on your knee.
“Why are you so worried about my love life mom? And Sadie, I thought we had a good talk about it in the mall. Why do we all need to gather in a room and talk about it again?” you said getting agitated by them butting into your life.
“I wasn’t in the conversation at the mall.” You mom spoke up.
“Me either.” Zoe said.
“Why are you two so worried about it?” you said raising an eyebrow.
“Because we care and I don’t want you to get hurt again. I can tell that’s whats holding you back, and as someone on the outside, you’re safe now. He’s a good guy honey.” There was a pause as you took in what your mom said. She was right you were nervous about being vulnerable with someone again after the past two people you cut out of your love life. “Plus, we want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.” You mom said.
You nodded at your mom before turning to your sister.
“Zoe?” you asked turning to her. “You aren’t mad?”
“Mad? I’m ecstatic! You might date Jensen Ackles! I mean don’t get me wrong, would I love to date him. Sure, but he is like 14 years older than me. I don’t see that happening. Plus, with how he looks at you? It’s clear I don’t have a chance. I’m fine with settling for sister-in-law/ auntie to his children.” She winked at the last part
You blushed and scoffed at your sister.
“So please, tell us you are going to give it a chance at least. Even if you are dreading it.” Your mom said after the moment passed.
You sighed. “Sadie’s right. I literally went to school to learn how to talk about feelings, so I guess I need to woman up and do it.” You finally let out after another pause.
“Good. I just needed the confirmation.” Your mom smiled, and you stood up glad the interrogation was over. “Now come here. You guys need to leave in a few minutes, and we need a big group hug before you leave us again.” She said opening her arms.
Zoe immediately wrapped her arms around your mom, and you giggled before joining. Sadie joined in last giving you a tight squeeze.
“I love you ladies so much.” You smiled. “You better come visit soon. I’ll need to tell you all the gossip in person.”
They all hummed in agreement, and then you heard the back door shut. Letting you know the boys were back inside.
__
You said your final goodbyes to your dad, mom, sister, brother, nephew and Sadie, and loaded up in the jeep. Driving it one last time to the airport with Jensen and Charlie.
Once you parked and pulled everything out, Charlie walked around to meet you.
“Take care Monkey, and you better call to check in.” he smiled giving you a hug.
“Yes, sir.” You smiled in his shirt. “Take care of Bentley, and Sadie for me. Drive safe. Love you!” You shouted as he got in the driver’s seat, and waved as he pulled away.
You watched until the electric blue vehicle was completely out of view. Jensen breaking you from your concentration.
“You ready?” he whispered dangerously close to your ear.
You shuttered at the closeness, but not in a bad way.
“Yeah.” You turned smiling meeting his green eyes. His face extremely close. “Let’s head home.” You winked as you grabbed your bags handle and started rolling it to the entrance.
Jensen followed close behind, and quickly put his glasses on, and straightened his ball cap just in case cameras popped up.
It was actually pretty calm for the day after Christmas. You would say about half and half of calm and crazy. You both had checked your bags in already, and were headed to security when Jensen leaned down to your side and whispered again.
“Hey, so after we get through security do you mind if we talk at the gate?” he said.
You knew exactly what he wanted to talk about, and you weren’t sure if you were excited, nervous, dreading it, or just not sure what to expect, but you definitely were feeling butterflies in your stomach.
You turned looking into his glasses that completely covered the emerald, but you can tell he was looking at you trying to see your expression.
“Sure. I need to talk to you anyway.” You smiled hoping that it would ease the tension you could see in his shoulders.
“Perfect.” He said with the same kind of smile.
In that instant, you saw a flash go off and you both flinched before looking in the direction of the source.
“Shit.” Jensen muttered.
“Is that-?” you started squinting as you looked at a man with a camera pointed to you two, attempting to hide behind a kiosk.
“The paparazzi?” he said grabbing your hand quickly and pulling you to the security line. “Unfortunately.”
Like what you expected he did on a daily basis, you maneuvered around people and got into the TSA pre-check line in seconds. Effectively losing the spy for now.
You forgot about it in the quickness of it all, but Jensen still had a good grip on your hand. You decided to take it a step further and see his reaction. You pulled your hand back which made him look down at the motion, and then grabbed it again, but interlaced your fingers together.
He watched, and looked up at you and a boyish grin formed on his lips. You gave a goofy smile back and looked forward trying to hide your blush.
He never broke his sight from you though, and stared at you with his heart jumping in his chest.
“I have a feeling it’s going to be a good conversation.” He said blatantly.
“Oh, is that so?” you teased, looking at him with mischievous eyes.
“Oh, very much so.” He smiled back.
“Hmmm.” You hummed as you took your sunglasses from on top of your head and placed them over your eyes.
Perfect timing too because the flash of a camera went off again.
“Damn it. I can’t even sit in an airport line without people invading my life.” he huffed.
“What do we do?” you asked trying to hide from the now multiple flashes going off.
“Come here.” He said pulling you into his chest and hiding you from the vultures that didn’t understand privacy. “Any other day I wouldn’t care, but I’m on vacation, and I doubt you want this.” He said mainly to himself as he turned from them.
“Hey, it’s ok. I don’t blame you for this. Plus, fuck them.” You said making his head snap to you. “Yes, I said fuck them.” You smiled rolling your eyes. “I don’t care about them Jensen. Really, I already tuned them out.”
He wasn’t sure how to react to that. On one note, you definitely weren’t using him to get famous. Not that he even suspected that, but he always had to make a note of that with women. Secondly, you weren’t bothered by it. You understood it, and didn’t hate him for it.
As he thought about it, a giant grin formed on his face. You were watching his thought process, and had wrapped your arms around his torso as you looked up at him.
“What?” you said bringing him back. “What’s that look?” you grinned.
“Nothing.” He smiled down. “Just, feeling really lucky.” He replied as he brought a hand up to your face, and brushed a piece of hair away, but his finger lingered on your cheek.
Again, the moment was broken when another flash went off.
“Oh come on…” Jensen groaned pulling you into him more.
“The lines moving.” You said pointing to show you were next in line.
“Thank God!” he said interlacing your fingers as you showed you ID, and stepped up to get scanned.
A few minutes later after getting your carry on scanned, and the whole process of security, you both were headed to your gate away from the cameras.
People were too worried about getting to where they need to be that no one paid any attention to you finally grabbing a seat in your gate. It was pretty full, but everyone was distracted by phones, books, or computers in their laps.
Jensen sat down in at chair with a grunt and let out an exaggerated huff of air.
You giggled and copied his act, but leaned onto his shoulder once you were comfortable.
“Long day?” you asked.
“Good day.” He responded resting his head on top of yours. “As much as I love your family. I am ready to be home, and not in public.” He sighed.
“You love my family?” you grinned moving to where you were in front of him and moved your glasses on top of your head again.
“Yeah.” He said smiling back at you. “I loved your family. After the initial shock of you showing up with me,” he shrugged, and grabbed your hand. “I had a blast. Heck even the shock was fun.” He chuckled deeply.
“I’m glad.” You said squeezing his hand and moving to rest on his shoulder again. “They sure did love you, and I’m pretty sure the next time I visit, they’ll throw a fit if I don’t bring you again.”
“Well then, I guess I’ll just have to be at the next family gathering.” He said as he rubbed your hand with his thumb.
“I’m not complaining.” You smiled looking at your hands.
After a moment of just relishing in the calm atmosphere, you broke the silence. You shifted and lifted your legs to the seat as you turned your whole body toward Jensen. He watched as you got comfortable.
“What’s up?” he asked seeing the shift in mood.
“You said you wanted to talk.” You replied looking down at your watch. “We got about 45 minutes to kill before we board, so if you want, we can do it now.”
“Right.” He said shifting to turn his body to you now. “I have a feeling that you already know what about…” you could see the nerves start to develop.
You grabbed his hands and reassured him with a smile.
“Yes, and I’m all for breaking it down. Let’s talk.” You grinned.
He saw how confident and relaxed you were, and that helped him relax himself. All he could do was look at you and smile like a love struck school boy.
Part 26
Let me know what you think!!! I need some thoughts to get some ideas!!!
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Episode 110: Onion Gang
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“No more weirdo friends.”
There have been a handful of Steven Universe episodes that I only watched once, didn’t like, and didn’t watch again until reviewing them for this project. Time has been kind to many of them: I’ve come to appreciate Ronaldo (especially in Rising Tides, Crashing Skies, which I was super down on) as well as Say Uncle and The New Lars. I don’t necessarily love all these episodes now, but they’re a lot better than I once thought.
But yeah sometimes my first impression is right on the money.
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Onion Gang is the most boring episode of the series by a country mile. The show has meandered before in the likes of Cat Fingers, Steven’s Lion, and Open Book, but these stories at least resolve in interesting ways. Looking forward, Escapism has even fewer words than Onion Gang, but it’s designed to simultaneously add to Steven’s many ordeals and act as the calm before the storm (and it’s also, y’know, watchable; silence can be a good thing, ask any episode of Samurai Jack). But Onion Gang is relentlessly uninteresting throughout.
The glacial pace isn’t helped by comedy bits falling flat at a rate that’s almost impressive. I try pretty hard to find things I like in episodes I don’t, but there’s literally nothing here for me. That is not easy. Especially considering how much of a sucker I am for Onion, slapstick, and weird goofy side adventures. This should be right up my alley, but hoo boy is it not.
Still, I’ll give it a try: the most generous reading of Onion Gang is that it focuses on Steven misunderstanding Onion, and if you squint, you can draw a parallel between his assumptions about Onion and his assumptions about Rose (both silent, mysterious figures in his life) being proven wrong. False narratives are a recurring theme in Steven’s arc, and another one pops up here. But even if that broadest of strokes is an intended connection, it doesn’t stop Onion Gang from being a catastrophe.
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The only Onion Pal that leaves any impression is Garbanzo, and the impression is that Garbanzo is the worst character the show has ever produced. Villains like Kevin and Aquamarine are horrible, but that’s the point. Irritating secondary characters like Ronaldo and Lars have actual depth, and otherwise further the plot and are reliable for decent humor at times (it’s a shame that only one of them grows, but still). Garbanzo is a kid who shouts the word “Garbanzo” as if this is inherently amusing, and uh that’s it. The joke isn’t funny the first time, and doesn’t become funny through brute force repetition. It’s just annoying.
Squash, Soup, and Pinto are...there? They mostly exist for the gag of Steven naming all of them, a continuation of his unusually domineering presence in Onion Gang. Because oh yeah, on top of everything else this is a dreadful Steven episode. It’s not Sadie’s Song, because his presumptuous attitude doesn’t cause actual harm, but this is a bad look on a hero whose powers are supposed to be based on empathy. His narration of Onion’s actions mostly acts as another gag, and like Garbanzo, it’s not a funny one, but that doesn’t stop the episode from repeating it ad nauseam.
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Steven’s weird behavior doesn’t stop there. The overlong go-kart scene ends with Steven seeing Garbanzo spray ketchup on himself, then instantly forgetting he saw this and openly wondering if Garbanzo is hurt. Which makes this the dumbest Steven has ever been. It makes zero sense that he would be bamboozled by something he saw faked with his own eyes, to the point where the gag itself becomes confusing: this would be like if he saw Amethyst eat his dinner then asked where his dinner went, it requires Steven’s intelligence to plummet so perilously that it confounds what we’re supposed to find funny about the joke in the first place.
But the most bizarre misfire by far is Steven declaring that he’s “the lonely boy with no friends his age” when Connie Maheswaran exists. She’s busy (as is the underused Peedee), but our hero makes the flying leap that this means he’s utterly friendless. This is a kid defined by his ability to make friends. He saves the ocean once and the planet twice by making friends. The entire show hinges on his fundamental friendliness. This plot point is ludicrous, even when we take into account that Steven is being annoyingly melodramatic.
A nitpick, but one that fuels the Ronaldo-level conspiracy theorist in me, is that Connie was prepping for school in Buddy’s Book and is attending school in Mindful Education, so if she’s shopping for school supplies in Onion Gang then either she’s doing it super late (which doesn’t sound like something she or her mother would ever allow) or this episode, which mind you is stated to take place as summer ends, should've aired between the two Connie episodes. The conspiracy theory is that Onion Gang would’ve looked even weaker when shoved between two episodes about what good friends Steven and Connie are, so it got moved to settle between two Crystal Gem stories.
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I think that it’s theoretically possible to make a good episode that evokes unambiguous pathos from Onion. But considering the character works because he’s this strange, menacing force of nature in an otherwise pretty normal population of humans, I’m not sure he’s a character that needs the depth. Onion Friend hit a sweet spot of making him grow a little, but maintain his creepy charm. Onion Gang goes further, but in doing so removes everything interesting about Beach City’s resident weirdo. Gone is the kid who two episodes ago was robbing the arcade with a crowbar and a bandit mask. Here instead is an odd but sensitive kid whose mischievous friends somehow render him less mischievous than usual. It’s bad enough to have a boring episode, but a boring episode with Onion as the focus? Again, it’s almost impressive.
There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any other Onion-centric episode if Onion is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any other Steven-centric episode barring Sadie’s Song if Steven is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of rewatching Last One Out of Beach City if being charmed by friendship is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of Buddy’s Book if thematic resonance in regards to false narratives is your jam. There’s no reason to watch this episode instead of any episode of Craig of the Creek if kids playing outside is your jam. Only watch Onion Gang if you’re a glutton for punishment.
We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Part of me wants to rank this higher than Fusion Cuisine and House Guest, where I find more insulting mischaracterizations. But both of those episodes have enjoyable elements that are weighed down by lousy depictions of Connie and Greg; Garnet’s a riot in the former, and there’s a sweet song in the latter despite being muddled by context. Whereas there are no real bright spots in Onion Gang. It’s an unbearable eleven minutes that I’m never going to watch again.
Sadie’s Song is worse because it’s the worst Steven episode in the series and it misses the mark so much, and it’s important to Sadie’s arc so it’s harder to skip, which makes me resent it more. Island Adventure is worse because its moral is that abuse is a reasonable method of communication. But that’s all that’s stopping Onion Gang from reaching the very bottom.
The good news is that this is it for my No Thanks list, and while I might’ve had a bit of fun dissecting why I dislike Onion Gang so much, it bears saying that 6 stinkers in 180 episodes and a movie ain’t shabby.
Top Twenty
Steven and the Stevens
Hit the Diamond
Mirror Gem
Lion 3: Straight to Video
Alone Together
Last One Out of Beach City
The Return
Jailbreak
The Answer
Mindful Education
Sworn to the Sword
Rose’s Scabbard
Earthlings
Mr. Greg
Coach Steven
Giant Woman
Beach City Drift
Winter Forecast
Bismuth
When It Rains
Love ‘em
Laser Light Cannon
Bubble Buddies
Tiger Millionaire
Lion 2: The Movie
Rose’s Room
An Indirect Kiss
Ocean Gem
Space Race
Garnet’s Universe
Warp Tour
The Test
Future Vision
On the Run
Maximum Capacity
Marble Madness
Political Power
Full Disclosure
Joy Ride
Keeping It Together
We Need to Talk
Chille Tid
Cry for Help
Keystone Motel
Catch and Release
Back to the Barn
Steven’s Birthday
It Could’ve Been Great
Message Received
Log Date 7 15 2
Same Old World
The New Lars
Monster Reunion
Alone at Sea
Crack the Whip
Beta
Back to the Moon
Kindergarten Kid
Buddy’s Book
Like ‘em
Gem Glow
Frybo
Arcade Mania
So Many Birthdays
Lars and the Cool Kids
Onion Trade
Steven the Sword Fighter
Beach Party
Monster Buddies
Keep Beach City Weird
Watermelon Steven
The Message
Open Book
Story for Steven
Shirt Club
Love Letters
Reformed
Rising Tides, Crashing Tides
Onion Friend
Historical Friction
Friend Ship
Nightmare Hospital
Too Far
Barn Mates
Steven Floats
Drop Beat Dad
Too Short to Ride
Restaurant Wars
Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service
Greg the Babysitter
Gem Hunt
Steven vs. Amethyst
Bubbled
Enh
Cheeseburger Backpack
Together Breakfast
Cat Fingers
Serious Steven
Steven’s Lion
Joking Victim
Secret Team
Say Uncle
Super Watermelon Island
Gem Drill
Know Your Fusion
Future Boy Zoltron
No Thanks!
     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure
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