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depressedacadamia · 3 years

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The Anatomy of the Sun

Chapter II: One more Hour

A/N: Here’s chapter 2! I think I will be updating this around every 1-2 weeks because the chapters are really long. Anyway, here it the second chap, I hope you like it and please comment!

Word count: 17K

Warnings: Kissing (more like making out), a tad of angst, r!pe mention (the patient is a victm), some mental illness references if you squint.

Chapter I

Tagging: @showtunesandsolangelo

It’s all about lines.

Jason was feeling good, he could feel it- today was going to be great. He finally managed to correct the cute barista who kept on calling him Jack and he had found the perfect parking space. He was excited- maybe he’d even get into an OR today and take back his 007 status. That was until he was almost hit by a motorcycle. He watched as the rider swerved from side to side until finally, they pulled up, leaning their motorcycle to the side as they pulled off their helmet. He watched as Hazel shook her head back and forth, letting her dark curls bounce about as she stretched her neck. She ran past him, shooting him a respectful nod as she entered the hospital with her motorcycle helmet in her gloved hands.

The finish line at the end of residency.

Roommates. Nico was officially putting up a poster for roommates. He didn’t know why he didn’t just ask Hazel but at the same time, he did. Asking Hazel was a portal into too much family drama than he could handle. Having to attend family dinners with his family was bad enough, he didn’t want to start arguing with Hazel. Besides, he just wanted 2 complete strangers that he didn't have to interact with. He pressed his thumb into the pin, securing the poster.

Waiting in line for a chance at the operating table.

And then, there’s the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with.

Juniper was waiting to get the lift, her bag swinging in her hands. She had made a bad impression on everyone so far- maybe it was because she was a model. She couldn’t lie, people had lacked respect when talking to her in particular and she had a feeling that it had something to do with her ex- career. Finally, the lift pinged and its doors opened, only for it to be full of people. She could tell they were all staring at her, not because she looked spectacularly bad that day (she had not slept properly in a month) but because they clearly all knew of her previous occupation. Juniper mumbled something about taking the stairs and decided to keep her head up high.

At least she wasn't under tons of crushing debt.

Hour 1

Nico slipped off his boots, trading them for some worn out trainers that were much more safe. The boots were old but he hadn’t worn them often due to their uncomfortable nature but for once, he had decided to wear them. Did he know why he chose them? No, he had just decided to slip them on.

“I would ask how last night went, but I think I know and I really don’t want to hear details,” Hazel said as she walked past Nico to gain access to her locker, referring to the bruise at the base of his collarbone.

“You’re just jealous that you haven’t scored an attending yet. I’ll bet you I’m in trauma today,” Nico bragged as he pushed his boots into the already overcrowded locker. Hazel rolled her eyes at her brother's typical behaviour.

“You know that he might think you guys are dating?” Hazel added, slipping on her white coat. Nico snorted as he pulled on his scrub shirt over his long sleeved t-shirt.

“I’ve made it very clear to him that we are not dating,” Nico scoffed, “ Now all I have to do is wait for the chase.”

“The chase?”

“The chase, you know? The whole trying to pursue this person you like. It gets to a point where I will have all the power and he will do anything I want,” Nico explained. Hazel raised an eyebrow at his boastful tactics but decided to make no further comment. She did however want to make a comment about the roommates poster he had put up.

“What's up with the roommates poster by the way? Since when did you want people living with you?” Hazel asked, slamming her locker shut, just as Nico closed his. Her hair was frantic, similar to her brothers who's olive skin was particularly glowly today- she did not want to know what from.

“The place seems empty and I need other people paying rent to afford it,” Nico complained. Now it was Hazel’s turn to snort. It wasn’t quite as big a knowledge that the Di Angelo’s were also extremely wealthy than it was knowledge to know of their surgical legacy- Well Bianca’s surgical legacy. Hazel, who was not in the mood to have a confrontation with her brother, simply nodded and left.

“Please! I’d be the perfect candidate! I’m super quiet and I won’t make a mess!” The intern opposite Nico begged as she told him all the things which supposedly made her a good roommate. Nico disagreed. There many reasons that he did not want her living with him but it came down to one which was she was much too young.

“No,” he concluded unsympathetically. He was about to get up and leave when he heard another plead from the intern.

“But why?”

“Where were you when the challenger exploded?” He turned around, slightly annoyed but nonetheless, still intimidating as usual.

“What?”

“The space shuttle, Challenger- where were you when it exploded?” he challenged.

“Uh, I think I was in kindergarten,” she looked up, trying to remember.

Nico huffed out, “Exactly.”

“Percy! We’re going to be late! We aren't going to be late, we’re already late!” Annabeth shouted as she stood by the door in her scrubs, her bag in hand. Percy, with his bed hair, rushed out of the kitchen in his scrubs, grabbing his jacket from the sofa before heading towards Annabeth and placing a soft kiss on her cheek in hopes of lightening up her mood.

“Come on Wise girl, we gotta go,” he grinned cheekily as he grabbed her by the hand opening the door of their house. Annabeth, unable to stay mad for so long, sighed before giving in and heading to the car.

“We are never having morning sex again if it means we’re going to be late,” Annabeth warned. Percy, feigning mock offence, held a hand to his heart and gasped.

“Your words wound me!”

Annabeth slapped his shoulder as she started the car towards the hospital. Percy stopped mucking about and placed another chaste kiss on her cheek to make sure all was well.

Juniper and Jason were both complaining. Nico didn’t think he could handle one of them complaining, let alone trying to deal with both of them- that was a challenge. They were all leaning by the stairs right next to the nurses station which were next to the elevators.

“But Nicoo, why would you put up a poster for roommates if you don’t want roommates? I swear, I’m a great chef and I clean obsessively!” Juniper argued, slumping her arm slightly on Jason.

“I do want roommates but we’re working together 100 hours a week, you want to live together too?” he shot back. He held 4 mocha latte’s in one of those 4 cup holders you get at a coffee shop. Without asking, Juniper snatched two, shocking Nico.

“That’s for not letting us be your roommates,” Juniper pouted as she handed one to Jason who nervously accepted. Jason leaned forward, trying to convince Nico,

“Please, I have to live with my sister and she blasts her music so much. I’m pretty sure my eardrums have popped,”Jason begged. Hazel, in this exact moment, joined them, giving Jason a sympathetic look before noticing the coffee in Nico’s hand. She casually took one from Nico, not caring about his reaction- she had taken his food before on several occasions (although the Happy meal incident did not go over well).

“Why aren’t you taking one?” Hazel nodded her head towards the last coffee in his grasp as she sipped hers- she frowned. Nico never ordered mocha latte. She had expected to be tasting coffee with way too much creamer or a hot chocolate but instead it was the distinctly strong taste of coffee.

“It’s not mine,” Nico hummed as his eyes searched towards the elevator, waiting for it to open. Hazel knew that Dr Solace was already here so what was Nico so invested for? It can’t have been Percy but perhaps the resident who would come with him

“Oh, you’re bringing bribes now?” Hazel pointed towards the coffee, thinking of Dr Chase.

“It’s not a bribe,” Nico defended, looking away sharply as he listened to Jason and Juniper continue to slander his name due to his lack of compassion with them living with him.

“Look, I just want to live with two total strangers that I won’t have to talk to or be nice to!” he confessed, throwing his free hand about in exaggeration. Unexpectedly, Dr Chase made her way down the main stairs (which surprised everyone as they expected her to be downstairs not upstairs). She quickly assigned them all tasks.

“Jason, you’re running the code team* today. Nico, take the trauma pager. Hazel, deliver the weekend labs to the patients and Juni- you’re on sutures,” She announced before heading back up the stairs, only to be stopped by Nico.

“Dr Chase, I was hoping I would be able to assist in the OR today, maybe even perform a minor procedure. I think I’m ready.” He thrusted the mocha latte into her direction, “ Mocha Latte?”

Dr Chase accepted the drink slowly before taking a small sip. It slightly burnt the tip of her tongue but she appreciated the gesture- however, unfortunately for Di Angelo, this did not mean that Dr Chase had accepted his request for surgery.

“Wait, if he gets to cut, then I wanna cut too!” Hazel insisted.

“So do I!” Juniper squished in between the interns. Jason, off to the side mumbled something about how it would be nice to get a second shot. However, this simply irked Dr Chase even more. She held her hand up signalling silence- at least the interns got this sign right.

“Stop talking,” she started, “Every intern wants to perform their first surgery. That’s not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No. Why? Because my interns are whiny. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, Having the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having someone down in the Pit doing sutures. No one holds a scalpel until I’m so happy, I’m Mary freakin Poppins!”

The interns, as clueless as ever, all stood staring at her with hopeful eyes as if they were baby birds expecting Annabeth to just feed them. She climbed a few steps before turning around and calling out,

“Why are y'all standing there, move!”

Quickly, all the interns scattered to their assigned jobs.

Hour 2

Will was waiting for an elevator as he noticed a short mop of black messy hair pick up a few files off the floor and clumsily place them on top of the overwhelming pile they already had in their small arms. Nico going to an elevator. Trying to not turn around and offer his help, Will kept to himself, smiling slightly at the small grunts the doctor beside him made. Nico finally managed to take a few more steps into Dr Solace’s eyeline, so he was standing next to him instead of behind. He tapped his foot as he decided to further his plan along.

“New york has ferry boats. There are also ferry boats where I come from. I didn’t know there were ferry boats here,” Nico mused. Will, slightly amused by Nico’s lack of geographical knowledge, retorted.

“New York is surrounded by water.”

“Hence the Ferry boats,” Nico concluded before admitting, “Now I have to like it here ya know. I wasn’t planning on liking it. I’m from Italy- genetically engineered to dislike everywhere- except Paris.”

“I have a thing for Ferry Boats,” Will decided to add, smirking slightly as they entered the empty elevator. Nico being the stubborn person he was, attempted to press one of the buttons with his elbow and Will had to practically force the floor level out of Nico. It involved a lot of bickering back and forth until they finally agreed and the elevator doors closed.

Out of nowhere, Nico quickly said, “I’m not going out with you.”

Will, already wounded that his attemp- could he even say attempts? Nico had cut him off before he had even gotten a chance to say anything but he was determined to get to Nico.

“Did I ask you to go out with me?” He turned around, smiling slightly so he only showed some of his sparkling teeth, “Will you go out with me?”

“I ain’t dating you and we aren’t sleeping together again. You’re my boss,” Nico decided to cut to the chase.

“I’m your boss's boss.”

“You're my teacher, and my teacher’s teacher,” Nico pretended to resist only resulting in Will mocking him.

“I’m your sister, I'm your daughter.”

“You’re sexually harassing me.”

“I'm riding an elevator,” Will protested. Nico glanced at the back of Will’s head and thought

His hair looked particularly neat today- it would be such a shame if it got messed up.

“I’m drawing a line. The line is drawn. There’s a big line. Don’t cross the line,” Nico breathed heavily, as if he was holding his breath. Will, still hellbent on teasing the cute intern, turned around, with his arms crossed and his hair as perfect as ever.

“So this line, is it imaginary or do I have to get you a marker?” he smirked, his voice low and teasing- Nico could tell. His crystal blue eyes were going all hazy and his baby pink lips were slightly tilted to the side as if they were just mocking Nicp by being there. They looked soft, no they were soft- Nico knew that from experience. He could see a small mole on the side of his neck as well as a purplish bruise that he may or may have not left there.

Overcome by his lack of impulse control, Nico flung himself onto Will, dropping all the files in his arms and mashed his lips on his- a gesture that was returned just as harshly by Will. The files flew across the elevator floor as Nico’s hands came up to desperately weave themselves into Will’s hair. They fought for dominance in the kiss slamming each other into the elevator- it was hot, needy and totally inappropriate. But it seemed that neither of them cared. Their lips just couldn’t get enough of each other. It was like a fire was getting ignited, a fire that couldn’t be put out. It was in both of them, absolutely raging, uncontrollable. Will was tempted to tell Nico, mind the hair but just then Nico slightly bit at Will's bottom lip, pulling it backwards gently and sucked ever so slightly, before returning to the kiss that had Will plastered against the elevator wall.

So you want to play dirty Di Angelo?

Nico was not going to give Will the chance though. Absolutely consumed by the kiss, he slightly pulled at Will’s hair evicting a small, but low, growl out of Will’s throat. Nico wasn’t sure if he heard that correctly but just as he was about to test it again, he heard the ping of the elevator. The fire within was smaller but it hadn’t died. Nico quickly pulled away and started scrambling towards the floor, trying to grab at the files as the elevator door slowly pulled itself open. Will, still a tad shocked, also helped, trying to organise the files into the right cases before handing them over to Nico. They stepped out of the elevator in sync, just like their pagers. Since Nico was also in trauma, he figured that whatever Dr Solace was getting paged for, he was also meant to be helping.

“I’ll join after I finish with these files,” Nico called out, as Dr Solace nodded and hurried off. Nico smiled to himself as he noticed that Dr Solace’s hair was sticking up in several different directions.

As Nico made his way into the Pit, he noticed a large crowd of doctors all looking slightly concerned- he hoped it was not for his patient- the more gruesome the injury, the more surgery required. However, the second he was told that it was a rape victim, he understood the facial expresions- they were disgusted at the crime, not the injuries attained.

“Dr Solace has gone to prep for surgery along with Dr Jackson,” a nurse informed him as he entered the room.

“Okay, we’ve got a 25 year old female, found down at the park, status post- trauma. She came in with a GCS* of 6. BP* is 80 over 60. Exam is significant for blunt head trauma, as well as unequal breath sounds, her right pupil is dilated and she’s ready for X-ray,” the nurse recited as Nico entered the room. He scanned his eyes across the room before his eyes landed on something familiar.

Were those his boots?

No, they were obviously not Nico’s boots, but they were the same boots. He wanted to shudder, knowing a potential rape victim was wearing the same shoes as him the day she got attacked. It was weird right? It felt weird, it was like there was some weird unknown connection and that in a way, these 2 people were very much connected- as if they were the same people who were living parallel versions of each other's lives. During Nico’s quick zone- out session, a nurse continued to try to call his attention- something he only noticed when they snapped Dr Di Angelo!

He quickly nodded as he grabbed his flashlight from his pocket and pulled her eyelids open, looking for a reaction from her pupils.

“Call ahead to clear a CT, let them know I’m coming,” Nico commanded, “Load up the portable monitor and call respiratory for a ventilator*. I will get X-rays while I’m down there.”

As he helped wheel the patient out of the trauma room, he glanced back at the boots identical to his. There was a blood splatter at the front of it, the laces where messily undone and the heel was the same height. He wasn't acting paranoid right? He couldn’t help but think that this was a weird coincidence.

Nico was slightly surprised to see Dr Zhang scrubbed in on the surgery with them rather than Dr Mclean- after all he was the head of Cardio and she was the head of General surgery- but even then, why any other attendings other than Percy and Dr Solace were required, Nico truly did not know.

“What is she? 5’2, 180 pounds? And she took a beating like this,” Will mumbled.

“They should castrate the guy,” Percy announced from the other side of the table, trying to stop the swelling of her brain

“Look how shredded her hands are, she tried to fight back,” Will pointed out.

“Tried to? The rape test came back negative, she kicked his ass!” Percy told them. Nico was invested to see how Dr Solace was repairing her hands while the 2 attendings talked about the bravery of the patient.

“So we have a warrior among us, huh?” Dr Zhang joined in. Nico couldn’t help but feel a tinge of annoyance. She had a name. She was a person. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly about a patient all of a sudden but he had a faint feeling that it had something to do with those boots.

“Allison… that's her name…. Allison,” Nico cut in the conversation. All the attendings stopped to look at him. Percy, being as supportive as ever, smiled and nodded before returning to fixing her skull. Will looked at Nico, his eyes calm, like the ocean at rest. To an extent, it reminded Nico of Percy’s eyes- something that could always calm Nico down. He watched as Will’s lips slowly parted as he murmured Allison's name under his breath. Dr Zhang took a pair of clamps from the nurse before slowly pulling his arm back.

“I think I’ve found the cause of our rupture….more suction.” As he drew his arm back, the surgical interns and residents crowded by his arm to have a look at the cause of the rupture. However, once the foreign object was removed, the surgeons became more and more confused- what exactly was this, a tumor? A mass?

“What is this?” Dr Zhang turned towards the doctors. They all scooted closer to get a closer look. Nico took a glance for a couple of seconds before opening his eyes wide in horror as he realised what exactly he was looking at. He was in a state of horror and curiosity.

“Oh my god… she bit it off,” Nico started hesitantly. Dr Zhang, Dr Solace and Dr Jackson all looked to him, stopping their individual procedures, waiting for Nico to continue speaking.

“Well, come on- spit it out!” Percy told Nico. Utterly conflicted, Nico decided to just spit it out- just as Percy had told him to.

“That's a..that's a…. um that’s a penis.”

Almost on instinct, Dr Zhang called for a kidney bowl and practically flung the castrated appendage away from himself. Will couldn’t tell if he should laugh or be alarmed at how Nico was the only person able to identify the penis.

Hour 5

The water ran over the surgeons hands as they scrubbed between all the crevices in their hands with soap. In between fingers, around thumbs and nail brushes scrubbed at fingertips. Dr Zhang and Dr Solace both stood side by side as they washed their hands practically in sync- just like their miraculous surgical skills.

“I can’t believe she made it through that surgery,” Will began as he switched off the tap by nudging it slightly with his elbow.

“She has a long road to recovery. Fighting off infection, physiotherapy and not to mention therapy itself,” Frank, in his honest nature, responded. He copied Will, turning off the running water with his elbow as he reached for some paper towels to dry off his hands.

“And she needs to wake up in the next 72 hours if she wants a chance at fighting. She’s a fighter, I believe she can make it.”

“Speaking of making it to places, we should get a drink later and you can tell me the long story of what makes a hot shot doctor leave a big apple for New York,” Frank offered as he threw his paper towel into the bin.

Will shrugged slightly, “It’s a short story really- your Chief of surgery made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“Chiron asked you to come?” Frank asked, genuinely shocked.

“Yeah, why?” Will turned around looking at Dr Zhang. He watched as Frank’s expressions twisted before he shook his head, gave a small smile and mumbled never mind.

“Do you know what the Code Team does? They save lives- yeah, I know. I shock a heart and another patient gets to live to see another day, pretty cool huh?” Jason slightly bragged, trying to make conversation with Hazel - who he knew was overly competitive. He was leaning over the shoulder of Hazel who leaned over the desk at the nurses station, organizing the patient files and lab results.

“Bambi, don’t say another word until after the hunter shoots your mother,” Hazel’s voice drawled with boredom. Jason practically speechless only managed out a meek,

“I don’t like you.”

Hazel sharply turned around, “You know, I have a BA* from Smith, a PHD* from Berkeley and an MD* from Stanford and I'm delivering lab results. It's gonna take me ages to get through these-”

“-Well then you better get a move on with it,” Dr Chase walked past, surprising the doctor. Hazel slightly intimidated, tried to protest that she wasn’t complaining but it seemed that Dr Chase didn’t really care. A doctor behind her with thick curly hair and a smug expression stood, trying to keep his expression neutral.

“This is Dr Underwood. Lucky Valdez got to get rid of him so now he’s got Mccaffrey and I’ve got Underwood on my service. Levesque, have him shadow you and show him how we run things on my service,” Dr chase commanded before walking off, slightly sashaying.

“Hey, I’m Grover Underwood, nice to meet you.” He held his hand out to Hazel who looked at it and recoiled slightly before looking at it in disgust. Jason was still trying to figure out if he liked this guy, he seemed quite polite so far but he truly wondered what Underwood did to get kicked off Valdez’s service- he had heard that Valdez was a pretty chill resident, getting kicked off his service would seem pretty hard.

“You’re the pig who called Nico a nurse.. Yeah, I hate you on principal,” Hazel admitted looking him up and down.

He did what? Jason thought as he eavesdropped on the conversation beside him.

“And you’re the pushy, overbearing kiss ass… I hate you too,” Grover grunted.

Okay, I defo don’t like this guy, Jason decided.

“Should be fun then,” Hazel sarcastically smiled as they both set off just as Jason's pager beeped signalling another Code Blue.

Jason ran around the corner, nurses following him as he found the patient's room. Immediately, he introduced himself. He had become more and more familiar with this procedure and while it had taught him that Hades was enjoying his job a bit too much, he was also hopeful for the patient in every room he had to run to.

“I’m Dr Grace and I’ll be running this code. What do we have?”

“57 year old male with an asystole pulse*,” A nurse from beside the bed answered. Jason ordered the defibrillators to be used as he had another person put on compressions, another on the ambu bag and someone administering drugs.

“Charging to 200, clear!”

The Pit was quite full as Dr June walked in, searching for her next patient. She picked up a chart from the nurses station that was positioned next to the emergency entrance and flipped the page to see the name. Mrs Lu, Bed 3

“Hi Mrs Lu, I'm Doctor June. I'm gonna sew up your wound, you’re going to need around 6 stitches.” Juniper turned around to start setting up the equipment from the tray only to hear a frantic cry of words coming from behind her. She only recognised the chinese word for hurt but even then, she could not decipher what Mrs Lu was saying. She sighed, wondering how long it would be until she could get a hold of a translator. She was tempted to ask Dr Zhang but she knew it was selfish and plain old rude of her to assume that Dr Zhang would be able to help her. She decided to wait for a translator.

Nico and the penis in a box. Yes, you read that correctly. Nico was holding the penis in a box or how he would like to put it, the forgein object in a cooler. They were making their way towards the office of the Chief Of Surgery. He slightly remembered the walk up to the room, the carpet and walls seeming familiar, like a second home. As he walked into the office, he was surprised to find Secretary Hedge there instead of Chief Chiron. He rapped his knuckles on the door gently, grasping the attention of the man sitting in the chair.

“Hey, I was told to leave this with the Chief.” He raised his arm with the cooler in his hand.

“Is that it?” A seriously over eager Secretary Hedge asked. Nico slowly nodded, trying to not fuel the secretaires curiosity. In a complete turn of events, Hedge asked,

“Can I see it?” Hedge watched as Nico struggled to keep his facial muscles under control- laugh or cringe, Nico did not know. Just as Hedge muttered a small, forget I asked, Chiron walked in with his white jacket and a large smile on recognising Nico.

“Nico! It’s good to see you!”

At this, Nico smiled. He had known Chiron for very long but the mass majority of the time that he had seen him, the attention was entirely focused on the potential for his sister- not much for him. He felt a bit guilty that he was enjoying the shine of her mentor while she was struggling but he finally felt noticed.

“How’s Bianca? I heard she was leaving the Mayo Clinic. Is she going back to the UN?” Chrion asked almost immediately. Nico could feel all the happiness and life in him slowly drain.So nothing had actually changed. He was still in his sister's shadow despite the fact that she wasn’t even here. Gods, she wasn’t even in this time period! Bianca was in a nursing home thinking she was reliving her surgery days and here was Nico somehow still under her shadow. If Bianca’s mentor wasn’t willing to see Nico’s potential as a surgeon- how many other Doctors thought that he was only here due to his Di Angelo status? Percy? Dr Chase? Did Doctor Solace think that?

Why does it concern me the most if Dr Solace doesn’t see past my status?

Nico decided that it must be because Dr solace was the head of his favourite department- Trauma.

“Uh, no. She’s taking time off-”

“-To write another book I suppose?” Chiron cut in, smiling as he picked up some papers off his desk and moved them underneath a folder. Nico simply attempted a smile in return, a gesture that did not alarm Chiron- he had known Nico Pre-Bianca and her alzehmiers. That Nico had been a very smiley person. Nico, who could have sworn his facial muscles were deteriorating as he smiled, decided to move the conversation to the matter at hand- the penis in a bo-

- The foreign object in a cooler .

“Well, I’ve got it,” Nico said half heartedly, lifting the cooler in his hand up slightly. Chiron turned to his secretary, conversing a few words with him, as if Nico had never entered the room.

“Uh, Hedge, how long did the cops say they’d be?”

“You know how slow they always are so he better take it with him-”

“-Take it with me? You want me to take a penis around the hospital with me?” Nico cut off Hedge, with growing anxiety- he did not want to have to babysit a penis. Gosh, being on Solace’s service was meant to result in fun, not this!

“It's the chain of custody rules. All medical matter in a rape must stay with the person who collected it until its placed into police custody,” Chiron ,who was secretlty relived to not have to keep the penis, recited.

“So I have custody over a penis,” Nico deadpanned. Sheepishly, the secretary nodded trying to not laugh at the poor kids' situation.

“Until the cops come from it, of course,” Chiron reminded Nico, as if knowing that the police would take their sweet time was any more re- assuring.

“And what am I meant to do with a penis?” Nico frantically asked, his cool persona falling and being slowly replaced by one of panic and desperation. Chiron and Hedge simply gave obscure looks at Nico’s question before looking back down at the papers in their hands.

Hour 10

Hazel sighed. She had been sighing all day. Every patient either had a benign tumour* or a condition of no interest to her. When was someone going to be seriously ill? They were surgeons for god's sake, not lab running rats! Both Hazel and Grover made their way to the next patients room, seriously disappointed. On entering the room, they both saw the family crowded round the patients bed, holding their hands together like there was a prayer commencing.

“You have a disorder called multinucleate cell angiohistiocytoma. It's not a cancer or a sarcoma, it's very rare but minor. You will be discharged today,” Hazel, slightly bored, attempted a smile. The family, still taking in the good news, were catatonic for around 5 seconds before all hell broke loose. There was crying, cheering, claps and laughs. Grover and Hazel both looked at each other with the same expression- Get me out of here .

“Wait wait, does this mean I don’t need surgery?” The patient ,still propped up by his elbows in his bed, inquired. Hazel simply nodded before getting pulled into a bear hug, against her will may I add, and practically almost suffocated to death. Her eyes widened as she stared into Grovers soul trying to get him to help her. Unfortunately for Hazel, Underwood was much more invested in watching her uncomfortable encounters.

Jason was sitting in a chair, letting it spin it around and round. The nurses station was quite empty with only the occasional nurse in and out. He stopped his spinning to bury his head in a very interesting chart that consisted of a case to do with a-

- Clink!

Nico set down the cooler on the desk with a loud sound that jolted Jasons’s head out of his head before letting his eyes land on the cooler. Jason, curious and wanting to engage in conversation with Nico began questioning the contents of the cooler. Nico who really did not want to tell Jason attempted to warn him

“Ooh, what’s in the cooler?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“No.” Jason got up from his seat and came to stand next to Nico, “ No, I do wanna know.”

Nico, who really wasn’t about to greatly resist, decided to tell Jason. Afterall, if it ruined Jason’s day as well, it would mean he wouldn't be the only miserable person moping about in the hospital.

“It’s a severed penis.” Nico shrugged quite nonchalantly as he gained amusement from the horrified expression slowly growing on Jason’s face. He watched as Jason's expressions contorted between fascination and disgust, trying to figure out which emotion to settle on. He wanted to prove Nico wrong but at the same time didn’t want Nico to not like him.

“I don’t think I wanted to know that.” Jason looked back down at his book, with a meek expression and his head slightly bowed as if he was praying. As Jason entered a world of truly unnecessary overthinking, Grover and Hazel came in arguing, what about, Jason did not know and in all honesty, after what Nico had told him- he did not want to know. Deciding he wanted to shift his discomfort to someone else, he looked to Hazel.

“Do you know Di Angelo is babysitting a penis in a jar?” he pointed towards the cooler sitting on the table top. Hazel, with piqued curiosity, quickly made her way over towards the cooler and opened the lid, taking a quick peek at the bitten off contents before shutting it.

“It’s a cooler, not a jar,” Nico whined slightly, not really directing his comment towards anyone.

“Talk about taking a bite out of crime,” Hazel commented as she picked something out of Nico’s hair. Nico didn’t really know whether to thank her or to resist the gesture. It felt weird- right? It was weird that Hazel was filling Bianca’s void. It was weird that Nico first thought about Hazel when people talked about his sister. It was weird that Nico was completely okay with this. He felt it was simply not right but at the same time, he didn’t want it to stop. Was he being unfaithful to Bianca? Was he betraying her? Or would she want him to move on from her, grow closer with his family who were actually lucid.

Jason watched Nico’s facial expressions with intensity- such intensity that had Nico not been stuck in a hole of problems, he a hundred percent would have noticed and even been creeped out by Jason’s intense stare. Despite only knowing Nico for around a month, he cared deeply about him. He wanted to know what was so concerning to him so much that he froze up and his eyes went all glazed like he was on autopilot. Nico was a closed off person who wore all black and covered up his secrets with wicked smiles and sarcastic quips but Jason could see the vulnerable child within Nico. He felt responsible for him and everything that happened to him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jason asked tenderly, making Nico lift his head- effectively stopping him from daydreaming. For a second, when Nico lifted his head, Jason saw a glitter in Nico’s eyes that reminded him of innocence. Youth, life and calamity- instead of the empty, cold and lifeless onyx eyes that could give even Lucifer nightmares.

“The rape victim I had today, Allison, she had the same shoes as me. And ever since… It just doesn’t sit well with me, ya know? I never wear those boots normally because they’re so uncomfortable And it’s… stupid and I’m tired so nevermind, just leave it.” Nico batted his hand, dismissing the subject. Jason raised his eyebrows at the abrash statement and gesture before attempting Nico’s wicked smile.

“Do you know what you need?” Jason wiggled his eyebrows, letting the secret into the open like a breath of air. Immediately, Nico caught onto what Jason was talking about. He was offended and shocked that Jason had been doing it without him- This was their thing and Jason was doing it behind his back without him? The betrayal was heartbreaking. What next? Solace sleeping with someone else?

“No! It’s sick and twisted and we said last time was the last time,” Nico firmly said. He watched as Jason’s face contorted between guilt and excitement.

“You’ve been doing it without me?” Nico released. Jason shuffled his feet together nefor mumbling a ‘maybe’.

“Do you know what would happen if anyone knew?” Nico huffed out but Jason had made up his mind.

“I’m doing it- you can come with me or you can sit here and be miserable,” Jason confirmed as he dragged Nico by the white collar, which was considerably easy when you realised that Nico was an entire head shorter that Jason- and some would argue even more.

Nico and Jason had their faces pressed up onto the glass staring at the cute babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or as the doctors would simply call it- the NICU. Nico couldn't help the overwhelming smile that made his way onto his face as he stared at the cute babies as they attempted to talk, throwing their limbs about cluelessly. He listened to Jason who urged them with non-existent words and funky sounds that was considered the universal baby language. Nico looked at Jason- his platinum blonde hair and faintly light blue eyes reminded him to an extent of Will but at the same time- there was a clear difference. Will had faint freckles that decorated his face like a cake being decorated by icing sugar- whereas Jason had a pale complexion. Will’s hair was more of a golden blond and reminded of Nico of sunrise on a summer morning- hot, warm and some may even say beautiful and then there was his eyes-

- Why was he reciting this like he memorised it in the shower for fun?

Nico decided to put Wil- no, Solace out of his mind. He listened to the absolutely adorable sounds that Jason was making- he reminded him of Bianca when she used to babysit Estelle- Percy’s younger sister. Estelle was absolutely adorable and Nico considered her to be his younger sister as well, considering the amount of time she spent with the Di Angelo’s- especially during Percy’s med school and residency years when he was meant to be babysitting Estelle and had instead handed her to Nico and Bianca.

“You are such a softie,” Nico said, giggling slightly at Jason who was still cooing at the babies. For a couple of moments afterwards, Jason froze. Was Nico complimenting him? Or was it an insult? What on earth did the word ‘softie’ mean here? Did Nico like sofites? Or was ‘Softie’ Nico’s equivalent of ‘ absolute loser’? However, before Jason was able to come to any sort of conclusion, his pager beeped, signalling another Code Blue that he had to respond to.

“Ah shit, I’ve got a code to run, I’ll catch you later.” Jason waved before breaking into a jog and leaving. After Nico said his goodbyes to Jason he continued watching the babies for some more time. He was fascinated- how did humanity get from there to here. The babies were pure and new and hadn’t been exposed to the harsh realities of the world- how will they turn to what Nico has become? How did they get from Point A to point B? As Nico pondered over these philosophical thoughts, he carried watching the babies but something caught his eye. He could have sworn that baby he just saw went blue momentarily. It was crying and thrashing about but maybe Nico was only seeing things. He was tired, sleep deprived and if he had to be honest- this wouldn't have been the first time Nico saw things that weren’t actually there.

He watched it again, more intensely. With an analytical fine tooth comb. There- the baby turned blue again! So he wasn’t hallucinating! He rushed into the room, quickly taking out the chart of the baby and scanning his eyes over the info. He was aware that if he was caught, the consequences would not be great. That was probably the understatement of the year. After finishing with the chart, he set it down and took his stethoscope and started listening to the heart of the baby- something there wasn’t right, Nico could feel it. Nico did not often have such strong feelings but he had learnt that when they occurred, they were never wrong.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing here?” a doctor with pink scrubs walked in.

“There were no tests ordered and the baby has a heart murmur-” Nico began, taking the stethoscope out of his ears.

“-I know and you’re surgery, you are not authorised to be here. Do you know what could happen if you were caught?” The intern pressed on but Nico refused to step down here.

“Are you going to do any tests to confirm?” Nico asked, his tone clearly one of concern.

“It’s a benign systolic ejection murmur*. It will go away with age.”

“So you aren’t doing any tests.” Nico realised that he couldn’t win this in any way- well for now. He started to make his way towards the door before the intern decided to slam another attempt at a guilt tripping insult at him but in reality just made Nico doubt their abilities. He seriously felt bad for the Valdez resident if these were the meatheads he had to teach.

Hour 15

Frank felt betrayed. He had to say, he was never truly familiar with such a feeling. He had experienced the odd chance of it but in reality Frank was used to succeeding- in fact he had dedicated all his life to it. Many people saw him as soft, simple and easy to beat opponent but in reality that was one of his greatest strengths- people underestimated him until they met him. To an extent this had made Frank slightly arrogant- but he wouldn’t say it wasn’t necessary. The truth is, every surgeon has to be arrogant to believe that they can cut open another human and somehow fix them as if they were a god like deity but right now, Frank wasn’t thinking that he was arrogant, no. He was thinking that Chiron was being arrogant- believing that he was all so big and mighty and could just throw Frank about with his lies and schemes.

“Oh Chiron! So you asked Solace to come here?” Frank confronted, his hands resting on his hips.

“Yeah, Solace was an old student of mine...” Chiron trailed off, unaware of the purpose of the conversation.

“Oh so he left a private practise in Austin, Texas just because you asked?”

“Yes.”

“No other reason? Just a favour for an old professor,” Frank said with a hint of sarcasm lingering behind the words.

“It will be years before I retire,” Chiron began to reassure, understanding the nature of the conversation of the root of Frank's passive aggressive attitude.

“ Chief of surgery is mine, you told me so,” Frank reminded him.

“It was yours, now I'm not so sure.”

“I am the best surgeon here! I have the lowest mortality rate, you can’t just bring someone-”

“-Ask me why. Ask me why I'm not so sure of you," Chiron repeated, trying to get Frank to understand his motives. Chiron liked Frank, they had done a lot for each other. In fact, it had been Chrion who had helped Frank get over his low self- esteem, something that had bothered Frank for almost his entire life.

Frank, feeling defeated, almost stormed off. He knew he shouldn’t feel guilty but he couldn’t help letting a bit of it creep in as he remembered how somehow, he led Chiron, his mentor, to believe that his low self-esteem no longer existed. Maybe it was Chiron’s great desire to no longer see Frank suffer that made him see past it but Frank knew better. He wasn’t mad because the job may not be his, no- he had only wanted the job due to the benefits that came with it. Frank was mad because Chirom bringing in another ex-mentee of his simply brought his low self-esteem back all over again.

It was like med- school except this time, there were actual lives at stake. Did Chiron truly feel that he wasn’t good enough- that Solace would be a better Chief of Surgery better than Frank? He didn’t want to admit it, but Frank knew that he had become somewhat arrogant in an attempt to lie to himself and hide the lack of self esteem. The arrogance had only started when he was in residency but over the years, as he saved more lives, it accumulated. Yet, somehow, Frank still did not think it was good enough. Clearly Solace was. Why else would Chiron bring another threat to Frank’s anxiety if Chiron didn’t believe Frank's anxiety had gone? Surely Chiron wouldn’t do this knowing how badly it would hurt Frank.

Would he?

Hazel was bored. She knew it, Grover knew it and so did every nurse in a 1 metre radius of the stretcher that she sat in with the charts of her patients in a stack in front of her. This was New York Presbytarian! They were meant to have the best surgical residency in the country and here she was delivering lab results to over joyous patients- none of which had any sort of interesting condition. You’d think that someone in a hospital would be close to dying but no, it seemed that all of her patients were in ‘tip top’ condition.

“People need to get sick because I refuse to spend my residency doing this,” Hazel complained as she flipped the pages of the chart.

“Exactly. How can we be in the OR if people are just gonna live?” Grover agreed. They continued complaining, depressed about their current state. Hazel wanted to get this done and over with. The quicker she finished the job, the quicker she could get into a surgery. She took the 20 case files and separated them into 2 piles, each with 10 files.

“Here.” She handed one pile to Grover as she got up, “ You take 10, I take 10. We go in, we go out- no hugging, no laughing, no crying. Don’t be slow,” she instructed.

“Slow? If anything you’re the slow one,” Grover retorted as they made their way to the hallway.

“You wanna bet?” Hazel challenged, stopping a second to look at Grover. He mumbled a ‘You’re on’ before they both ran off, trying to finish first.

“You literally aren't letting anyone live with you!” The psychology resident complained. Nico turned on them.

“Favorite 80’s band?”

“That has nothing to do with this!”

“I’m still waiting.” he tapped his foot impatiently.

“I don’t know, the Bangles?” They shrugged cluelessly while Nico scoffed.

“Yeah, absolutely not.” Nico began walking away- he had to babysit a penis after all.

“Is there even a right answer?”

“AC/DC, The rolling stones, Guns N’ Roses,” Nico called out, not looking back, as he walked away.

“You will be free to leav- OOF!” Grover was cut off by an enormous bear hug from almost the entire family. He wanted to push them all away from him- after all, 3 families had hugged him so far and he had only visited 4 of the 10 patients he had. If he continued at this rate, Hazel was for sure to win.

“You have a cyst on your lymph node- but tests have confirmed that it was not cancerous which means you probably have some sort of infection- we will put you on broad range antibiotics before discharge tomorrow,” Hazel recited as she dodged a hug aiming for her resulting in 2 family members in an embrace. She quickly slipped out of the room without notice and smiling to herself- 5 down, 5 to go.

“Clear!” Jason called again, it had been 26 minutes into a code without any reaction to CPR, drugs or shocking. Jason knew what was coming next. He could feel it, like it was hanging over his shoulder waiting for his patients to walk into their arms. Death hung at the shoulder of every doctor as their guardian angel- something he remembered Nico saying. When he had said it, he didn't remember. He put his arm out, signalling the nurse to stop CPR. He took a shaky breath.

“Time of death, 15:45.”

Hour 20

Nico watched as the heart monitor stayed stable, reaching the apex before dropping and repeating. Allison. Attempted rape. Boots. Those were the words just floating around his head. Here she was on a vent, alone, like a vegetable and only hours ago she had been alive- smiling, talking, fighting.

“I've called every hospital in the country. Sooner or later the guy who did this is gonna seek medical attention and when he does, that penis you’re carrying around is gonna nail him,” a voice coming from behind Nico said. He turned his head slightly to see the golden curls that he had messed up this morning. Nico’s eyes were cast back onto the lonely woman. How could anyone so vulnerable be so alone?

“Where's her family?” The words slipped out of Nico’s mouth before he could stop them. Will shook his head slightly, his hair bouncing slightly from the impact.

“Doesn't have one.”

“No siblings?” Nico asked, thinking of Hazel and Bianca.

“Nope, both parents are dead. She moved to New York 3 weeks ago. Welcome to the city,” Will took a bite out of an apple miserably. Nico too was miserable- they both had good reason to do so. What kind of world did they live in where the system was so disadvantaged to anyone who wasn’t white, male, heterosexual and neurotypical? What kind of system forced minorities to work in society's most unwanted but vital jobs? What kind of system forced women to be terrified of walking home alone- day or night?

“Nico? Are you okay?” Will’s soft and concerned voice broke into Nicos thoughts. The question left him speechless- was he okay? The cynical, sarcastic and natural answer was No- obviously no. But for some reason, Nico did not want to say no, but rather leave his own pain to himself- not burden anyone else with it.

“Yeah.. I just gotta do something.” With that, Nico ran off looking for Dr Zhang.

Nico found Dr Zhang climbing the stairs. The hospital had a comfortable endless buzz, something that all the staff were used to- Frank was hoping to get a calm and perhaps even silent moment to himself. Instead, he got an intern.

“Dr Zhang, there’s this patient. It’s a baby in peds and they had a tetralogy spell with a heart murmur,” Nico started, his legs struggling to keep up.

“Did Ped’s ask for a consult?”

Nico stayed silent, partially because he didn’t want to feel guilty for lying and partially because he did not have a lie on him- not one that he could pull off at least.

“Di Angelo, you’re a bright kid but we can’t just walk in there without a Peds consult. It’s not like I’m the Chief of Surgery,” Frank said sympathetically as he walked off.

“Hehehee, you’reee hott,” the drunk slurred as they leaned slightly forward in a terrible attempt to flirt with Juniper. Juniper still stood in the Pit, it’s fluorescent lights giving her a headache- along with the noise levels and annoying patients. Slightly disgusted by the stench of alcohol on their breath, she pushed them back gently, making sure they didn’t flop onto the stretcher.

“You’re drunk,” she deadpanned as she prepared the sutures, “And you also need to hold still.”

Juniper was sick of the Pit, she was sick of the flourecsant lights that made her skin look like puke and most of all, she was sick of her patients; drunk and disorderly were the mass majority and since the morning, not one major casualty had come through those doors other than the rape case Nico had been assinged to.

“I know you! You’re that lady from the magazine with the red bikini..” they trailed off, their voice in a musing and questioning tone. Juniper had to physically stop herself from scoffing- It was a pink bikini. She didn’t hate her fans but sometimes people made it weird, especially drunk ones who enjoyed invading her personal space a tad too much.

“It was a pink bikini.”

The seats by the hospital doors were the perfect place (other than the vending machines) to hide from your residents- so naturally, Nico and Hazel were there, camping away during lunch. The penis in a box sat in the chair next to him as he nibbled at the rainbow sour gummy strips.

“Watcha doing?” Hazel asked as she made her way towards him.

“I’m sitting with my penis.”

“Which one?”

In response to this, Nico scrunched up his face in a sarcastic, sardonic smile that read No <3.

“I kissed McDreamy...in an elevator. I was having a bad day,” Nico started with his voice relatively quiet.

“So what do you do on your bad days, make out with McDreamy?”

“Yeah that and carrying around a severed penis just makes everything so shiny and happy,” He retorted in response to his sister.

“Jason said Allison was wearing your boots.”

“…. It's weird right? “

“It’s weird that you care so much. They’re boots and popular ones too- anyone could have them,” Hazel argued. Nico opened his mouth to respond but in that moment a bunch of frantic shouting cut them off. Behind them, right outside the hospital a man had pulled up. His skin was sickly pale, there was blood all over his legs and groin and he was struggling to move.

Nico looked at his facial features and did not expect for the man to look… well normal. For some reason, he had envisioned the man to look evil- to resemble hate itself but he just looked normal. That's when it hit Nico- rapists don’t look like rapists. They look like average people because that's what their best advantage is- the trusting nature of humanity. They don’t look evil because they need to fit in, to gain the trust of others and protect their reputation. They look normal because anybody could be a rapist- they don’t wear posters pointing it out and it’s not written on their foreheads. That's what they do best- hide.

Nico and the transport staff rushed the man in the gurney towards the operating room, their legs moving as fast as possible. The police were going to arrive soon but for now, he would have to be handcuffed to his bed. The rapist was found, Allison was alive, now what? There was no way they’d be able to re attach the penis and honestly, Nico did not want to- in his eyes, the rapist got exactly what he deserved

“Call reception and tell them we need security up here ASAP,” Nico ordered, finally taking charge. As the gurney was charged into the surgical department, Dr Chase caught on.

“What dya have Di Angelo?”

“Take a look for yourself.” He nodded towards the middle of the man's body, more specifically his groin. Annabeth quickly lifted up the drapes before letting them drop- here eyes widened and she looked at Nico with disbelief painted across her face.

“Page the Chief and Solace and tell them we’ve got the rapist,” she commanded as she took Nico’s position on the gurney and continued wheeling him to an OR.

The heart monitor was beeping steadily. The heart was moving- beating. Nico and Hazel, stood side by side watching Dr Chase performing surgery- unfortunately, they weren't assisting however they were still getting tested on their medical knowledge. The OR had it’s regular flicker of lights, the smell of antiseptics and the hues of blue across the room.

“I saw Allison, you can't believe the beating that she took and then you see this!” Nico whisper-shouted towards Hazel.

“It's like that old saying- you should see the other guy.” Hazel nodded.

“Why aren't we attempting to re-attach the severed penis?” Annabeth's stern but questioning voice cut through their conversation.

“Teeth tear not slice- you can only reattach when there's a clean cut. If she had sliced it off with a knife, perhaps then we could re-attach,” Hazel quickly recited.

“And the digestive juices didn't leave a lot of the flesh to work with,” Nico added on.

“So what are we doing?” Dr Chase asked, a hint of boredom lingering in her voice.

“Sewing him up minus a large part of the family jewels,” Nico snorted slightly.

“What will his outlook be?” Dr Chase asked while holding her hand out for the nurse to take the instrument out of her hand.

“He will be urinating out of a bag for a very very very long time,” Hazel said, slightly pleased.

“Not to mention he will never be able to have sex again,” Nico said, not in least bit sympathetic.

“Oh too bad, what a shame,” Hazel drawled.

“Let's all take a moment to grieve,” Annabeth said sarcastically before immediately asking for a clamp.

Hour 25

“Chief!” Frank jogged, trying to catch up with Chiron while waving frantically. He had taken time off and realised if he wanted this, he had to think about everyone- not just himself. He needed to learn his faults and how to get over them.

“Frank.” Chiron nodded, “Do you need something?��

“Why can’t I be chief? You helped me before, you believed in me, what changed?”

“You really want to know?” Chiron sighed looking at Frank who nodded. “You’re too comfortable in your job. You never go the extra step. Your arrogance isn’t impressive- if you want to be chief Frank, you have to earn it.”

The words knocked Frank back- My arrogance isn’t impressive? If I recall correctly, you told me to be more arrogant and now it’s a problem? You tell someone to do something and then you tell them to do the exact opposite. What in the name of Pluto is his problem?

The interns were all pretty different but they could agree that they hated their job. They were sitting on the stretchers by the vending machine (which at this point had become their hangout away from the attendings) and were complaining- which apparently makes up 80% of all human conversations.

“My head hurtss,” Grover groaned, throwing backwards against the wall.

“Maybe you have a brain tumor,” Hazel said after sipping some coffee.

“No, you want me to have a tumor.”

“I'd personally rip your face off if it meant I got to scrub in,” Hazel confessed, not feeling guilty in the slightest. Juniper made her way from the vending machine, holding a snickers bar like her life depended on it.

“I've been suturing all day, my hands are numb and I'm regretting not taking foregin languages in high school,” she sighed as she plopped her bottom onto the stretcher, leaving space for Nico and Jason.

“At least you’re helping people,” Jason called as he put his hand up the vending machine in an attempt to retrieve his chips which had decided to not obey the laws of physics and get stuck. Nico who stood behind him shuffled Jason out the way, gave the vending machine a violent kick before the packet of chips fell out, directly into Jason's hands- that was until Nico literally stole them from him.

“At least you get to practise freakin medicine!” Grover called out, sick of delivering lab results to patients.

“Mrs Lu, the chinese lady, I had to send her away. I mean I stiched her up but she stayed camping in the Pit- she left in the end though,” Juni said in a defeated tone.

“The police can't send some crime person down so I have to spend the night with a penis,” Nico complained before looking over to Grover, “ Grover don’t make the joke.”

Grover tutted, “It was too easy anyway.”

Finally, Jason cut in the conversation. They were all sick of being used and not actually learning. Gosh, did the hospital not realise that they were also doctors- not useless med students who couldn’t find their heads from their ass!

“Who here has no idea what they’re doing?” Jason cried. Everyone, except Grover, shot their hands up. Nico was not ashamed to admit he did not know what he was meant to be doing- saving lives or babysitting penises?

“Are we meant to be learning something? Because I don’t think I'm learning anything!” Jason added as he slumped further in the stretcher that they were all sharing.

“Except how not to sleep,” Juniper retorted.

“It's like there’s this wall and the attendings and the residents are over there being surgeons and were over here being-” Hazel started passionately but was cut off by her brother.

“- Suturing, code running, lab delivering penis minders,” Nico finished.

“I hate being an intern,” Grover concluded. Nico seated beside him grunted in agreement. The interns continued their mindless complaints until Dr Chase walked in, her expression stern and her arms resting on her hips in a manner that screamed And what exactly do you think you’re doing? All it took was a raised eyebrow from Dr Chase and the interns were scrambling off the stretcher and rushing off back to their jobs. She snatched the unopened pack of chips that Nico had left on the stretcher and helped herself.

Nico often made very bad decisions. It was something the people around simply expected of him at this point- if it wasn’t Bianca then it was Hazel or Percy (but normally Percy would also join in on the bad decisions). Despite being warned not to, Nico found himself staring at the baby from the NICU earlier. As Nico looked up slightly, he saw 2 people cooing towards a baby and Nico could only assume that they were the parents. He could feel the dumb and stupid thoughts brewing and bubblinmg in his mind. He tried to stop them, he tried to tell himself to not move towards them but he couldn’t help himself- he never could in all honesty. While Nico was a very patient person sometimes, some impulses just couldn’t be left on stand-by.

As Nico finished explaining to the parents what he believed to be wrong with the child, the intern in pink scrubs from earlier who had specifically told Nico to leave walked into the communal area. Nico was absolutely busted- car lights on, bambi style busted.

“I warned you to not come back here,” They snarled before beheading into another room and practically grabbing Leo Valdez by the arm. Leo slowly retracted his arm out of their grasp before dusting it lightly.

“Hi, can I help you?” Leo started, his lips parted in a gorgeous and genuine grin- something that even Nico had to admit was cute.

“If our baby is sick, we want him treated,” The parents started, their voices thick with worry and concern. Nico could practically hear the tremble in it.

“Of course, which child is yours?” Leo asked with his professionalist front- he’d have to deal with the interns later.

Frank hated the interns. He hated Chiron and he hated his life. Not necessarily in that order. He was used to the incompetence of the interns. He was used to them making mistakes or hesitating but the one thing he wasn’t used to was pure disobedience. He had directly told Di Angelo to not approach peds or any of their cases. So what exactly Di Angelo was doing with Valdez and his intern talking to a pair of seemingly very concerned parents, Frank honestly did not know and would have liked to have kept it that way.

“Dr Valdez, can we speak for a second?” Frank asked. He and Leo were good friends, he knew that Leo wouldn’t get offended or turn it into a scandal.

“Sure, I’d like to know what on earth is going on though. No offence, but your intern shouldn’t be here,” Leo started, his hand brushing his curls out of his face.

“I told you earlier to not come back and look who’s here!” The intern snarked in Nico’s face.

“The baby had a tetralogy spell* earlier and a heart murmur- they aren't consistent with a benign systolic ejection murmur!” Nico argued. Frank turned to the intern, he could already see them faltering. He wouldn’t call himself scary- it was mainly just him being tall and built like a marine, not that he really cared.

“How sure are you? How sure are you that it is a benign systolic ejection murmur? 100 percent sure?” Frank turned to the intern. He watched as their face twisted, like they had just realised that they had been a fly trapped in a spider's web.

“Are you 100 percent sure about the diagnosis?” Leo turned towards his resident, a look of hesitation and slight horror creeping up onto his face. His previous interns from the past 2 years were so much easier than this. Everyone listened to him, barely anyone died and there weren’t sneaky, semi- famous italian legacies sneaking into his department. Not that he blamed Nico, in fact he had to admit that he was secretly impressed with the doctors observation skills- especially considering he was an intern. But after all, he was a Di Angelo.

“I dunno...like 75 percent..” They mumbled towards the floor. Gods, if his intern was wrong, it would be on his ass! How on earth was he about to mess up so badly? This was his 3rd year in residency- he couldn’t afford to screw up.

“Can I see the patient's chart?” Dr Zhang held his hand out towards the intern who hastily handed it over- as if it was a ticking time bomb. Dr Zhang flipped through a few pages, pretending to read them. In reality, he had already made up his mind and was just humming the tune to Stayin alive .

“Valdez, the patient's on my service now. That chill with you?” Frank concluded. Leo gave a thumbs up, slightly relieved to have some sort of work off his back but also slightly saddened that an interesting case was snatched out of his hands by his ignorant intern.

“I want an EKG*, chest X- ray and an Echo*, let's make it quick, we don't have all day,” Frank told Nico, who nodded before quickly running off.

“He can do that?” They whispered into Leo’s ear with an astonished tone.

“Yeah, he's attending.”

“So is your girlfriend.”

“She is not my girlfriend!” Leo protested as the intern raised an eyebrow. Leo did not have a strong case here, considering Calypso was always seen with him or vice Versa. In fact, they often arrived and left the hospital together, worked on similar cases and they knew each other's coffee orders like the back of their hand. It wasn’t like anything could happen between them. In reality, they arrived and left together due to their apartments being in a close proximity, they had similar cases co-incidentally due to their specialties and well, the coffee orders… Well that was hard to explain- how would Leo say Oh yeah, I just watch her everytime she orders her coffee because her lips look very very nice and soft and when she takes a sip, her eyes flutter a bit and it makes her eyes look magical and then there’s when she’s getting mad at me because I’m taking ages to leave my apartment and she just looks like she’s about to implode but in a very sexy, cute and beautiful way.

Yeah, no way was he saying any of that.

Hour 30

Was there anything left to do? Juni had been here for so long she could practically feel the fluorescent lights in her head. The Pit was empty, the blue stretchers all cleaned up with no patients walking in. There was officially nothing to do- empty emergency and waiting room. For the sake of checking, Juni walked into the waiting room one more time, looking around for any injured souls- alas, there were none.

Except Mrs Lu, who stood in the middle of the hallway, waving her hand towards Juni as if she was gesturing for her to follow her. Juni looked around- it wasn't as if there were any patients here, what could go wrong? She tiptoed outside into the brutal thundering of the rain, which plastered her hair to her face and her white coat to her scrubs. The wind was chilly and strong- whispering to her temptations and desires. The wind was always so ethereal- it could destroy but it could also be beautiful.

“Mrs Lu? Where are you taking me?” Juniper called out as she jogged blind in the dark while the wind whipped around her face. She found herself crouching behind the large industrial hospital bins. A young girl, barely into her early 20s sat there with a large bloody wound across her forehead. On viewing it, Juniper immediately hissed. The gash looked deep and Juni could already see the edges of it forming a scab. There was blood stuck to her face, some infiltrating the tip of her eyelids and the girl herself was trying to not screw her eyes in pain.

“Oh my gods…What.. What happened?” Juni was speechless.

“A big machine in the factory.. it .. it fall on us,” the girl explained. Juniper was relieved- she knew a bit of english, enough for Juniper to understand.

“It’s going to be okay now, you can come inside an-”

“-No! No, no inside. Here!” The girl protested frantically, shaking her head back and forth which made Juniper think Ouch .

“But, I need to stitch you up and she went inside.” Juniper pointed to Mrs Lu.

“She allowed, me not allowed! I will go jail!”

Juniper realised what she was trying to tell her. Mrs Lu was a legal immigrant but the girl was an illegal one. An overwhelming amount of sympathy and admiration surged inside of Juniper. The amount of bravery this poor girl must have and all the stuff she must have gone through. Juniper knew that if she helped the girl and was caught- everything would be over. A small voice in her head was telling her to help- she was doctor after all, she took the hippocratic oath which stated I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures which are required

“The injury is deep but I think I can fix it. I need to go and get some stuff first so you have to stay here okay. Stay here.”

The girl nodded, the corner of her lips turning into a grateful smile, “Thank you.”

As Juniper was about to jog back to the hospital, she remembered she did not have one piece of information that she got from every patient- illegal or not.

“One question, what’s your name? I’m Juni,” She asked.

“Nuwa. Nuwa Lu,” the girl responded with comfort settling onto her face.

Nico didn’t like that he was short. He constantly had to push to the front of crowds, people were often belittling and it also meant he had to walk twice as fast to catch up with people who were like 6’4- Like Dr Zhang. He was not afraid to admit that he was short- he simply didn’t like that for some reason it was a bad thing; if anything, it meant he was an eco-friendly version of a human.

“Dr Zhang,” Nico sounded slightly out of breath, “ What’s the diagnosis?”

“It was the tetralogy of fallot with pulmonary atresia*. I’m booking an OR,” he confirmed.

Nico stopped walking as Frank stood by the elevator. Normally, Nico preffered to simply nod at people when they expected a thank you. It was just 2 words that he would never expect to come blurting his mouth and honestly he did not expect the words Thank you to come out when he spoke to Dr Zhang so of course, he did not say thank you. Yes, he was grateful but Thank you? To Nico, that was almost as close to I love you on the list of forbidden words.

“I appreciate you backing me up here-”

“-Nuh uh. Listen kid, you were right one time but what you did, going behind another doctor's back and speaking to the parents, trying to steal a patient from another service. Don’t ever pull that again, you got it?” Dr Zhang reprimanded him. He knew that Di Angelo had a lot of potential but if he was gonna think with his head in his ass all the time, there were going to be problems

Nico knew this was Dr Zhang's version of- you did good but also you did bad. In all honesty, Nico couldn’t care less. In fact, he was so smugly obsessed that he was right that he was very much beyond okay with being told off if it meant he was right, it was worth it. Especially since that smug little intern thought that they were so right in their gloriously pathetic little mind.

Will did not like feeling like this. He had been lucky to avoid it all his life but for some god forsaken reason, depression had started to chase him. So he took a job where he would have no time for depression- if you’re working 24/7 you don't really ever get the chance to listen to your thoughts. But as he sat down at the desk by Allison trying to focus on his charting, he could feel himself slowly losing all motivation. The beeping on the heart monitor, which normally drew a large smile across Will’s face, wasn’t helpful- it was depressing. The entire room felt bland, empty and he could feel his mind and thoughts going numb. He was trying to hold his head up, trying to be strong for his patient, trying to finish the day without having a slump. His eyes flickered back up towards Allison, whose eyes had remained closed- as if she was vegetable.

“Okay, you’re all sewn up!” Juni finished up the last touches of the stitches of Nuwa’s forehead before rolling back the squeaky old chair that she was sitting on.

“Nuwa, you might have a scar and you have to come back in 5 days okay? I need to take out the stitches and clean the wound to make sure it doesn’t get infected. So you need to come back. We will meet here, same place at 7pm. 5 days okay?” Juniper informed, trying to not rush her words all out in a panic. She watched as Nuwa gave a small nod with a shy smile indicating she understood. As Juniper packed up, she realised she had to remind Nuwa of something else.

“Oh but you can’t tell anybody that I helped you outside the hospital. I might lose my medical license and my job. Do you understand?”

“Come back in 5 days and dont tell.” Nuwa nodded eagerly towards Juni who gave her a brief hug.

“Dr Chase, do you think I’m too confident?” Dr Zhang anxiously asked. He didn’t think he’d ever have to ask such a question. To him, it seemed obvious- no. Frank recalled all his life, simply never having the confidence to do things and sure, he had boosted it up a slight notch by becoming a surgeon- a world renowned one none the less- but he wouldn’t call himself overconfident.

“No,” Annabeth answered bluntly but Zhang knew her better than she thought he did.

“Don’t lie,” Frank mumbled slightly.

“You are my boss,” Annabeth retorted. Anyone who had been nearby would have immediately snorted at such a comment- When did Annabeth Chase actually care about her bosses opinions?

“Fine, in the next 30 seconds anything you say, I will not take to heart, starting now.” Frank raised his watch before diverting his eyes to his resident who immediately started talking.

A bit eager, Chase?

“I think you’re cocky, arrogant, bossy and pushy. You also have a god complex,” Annabeth started which caused Frank to frown. God Complex? Since when?

“You never think about anybody but your damn self- “

“- Hey wait a-”

“-I have another 22 seconds and I am not done.”

Frank scratched his head while rethinking his life decisions. The most prominent thought at hand was-

Oh shit maybe this wasn't a great idea

The interns were serving their last hour on call and it had gotten to the point where they were all desperate for their lives at work to come to an end. Jason, Juniper and Hazel were all in the locker room, freshening up and looking forward to leaving the hospital.

“I need a drink, a man or a massage or a drunken massage by a man,” Hazel mused. A short ‘ew’ came from Juniper as she brushed through her knotty hair. Jason on the other hand, did not respond and instead was violently harassing his teeth with his toothbrush. Hazel took one short glance at Jason before an alarmed look creeped onto her face.

“What's wrong with you?” She asked, slipping on a new scrub shirt.

“I lost 5 patients today and I feel like the angel of death,” he spat his toothpaste out, as if he had a deep vendetta against it.

“Hey at least you're not the actual angel of death. I’m pretty sure there’s a serial killer with that alias,” Hazel responded thinking about her conversation with Nico. For some reason The angel of death reminded her of some conversation they’d had.

“Charles Cullen- convicted of 40 murders, suspected of more- currently in prison on life sentence and is 60 years old,” Nico recited as he walked into the locker room. Juniper and Jason both stopped dead in their tracks, slightly alarmed at the information that was spilling out of Nico’s mouth like he memorized it for fun.

The best part was he actually did memorise it for fun.

Casting her eyes away from her brother, who in no way surprised her with that information, Hazel sighed, “Jason, 95% of code patients can't be revived. Most are already dead by the time you get there.”

“What! Why didn't you tell me that when I was going on and on about how great it was gonna be!” Jason cried, embarrassed about his bragging. Hazel took a deep breath as she made her way to exit the room.

“Because, you’re Jason and I’m Hazel.”

Hour 40

Nico was getting really sick about the penis in a box. It literally had to follow him everywhere and worst of all, people asked him what was inside it. What kind of conversation starter was ‘oh, just a bitten off penis’? So when Nico saw Dr Solace still in the room of Allison he felt slightly relieved- at least Dr Solace wouldn’t ask him what was in the box; mainly because Dr Solace was in the surgery where the penis was retrieved.

As Nico approached Dr Solace, he noticed that he wasn't really there. His eyes seemed less alive, less sparkly and more like the dull blue hues of the hospital. It was just something about the way his hand had propped up his face as if he had no further energy to continue anything that made Nico slightly alarmed for him.

Alarmed? You’re just worried that he may pass out because then it would mean no more surgeries.

At least, that's what Nico told himself. Besides, he had other things to worry about- like how he was going to lead Solace on. Afterall, there was a reason he was putting up with him.

“Hey, how’s Allison?” Nico asked, standing directly behind Will. Will, depressed as ever responded in a small tone.

“So far, nothing’s changed.”

“Have you been here all night?” Nico asked in slight astonishment and borderline concern.

“Yep. I have 3 brothers and a sister. They’re all doctors as well. If I was in a coma, they’d all be here- I’d want them here because having nobody… I can’t imagine that.”

“I can.”

Nico hadn’t meant for the small comment to slip out of his mouth. Wills face scrunched up immediately as he turned his head to look at the intern.

“What are you on about? What about your sister?”

For a fraction of a second, Nico was horrified at the thought that somehow Will had figured out that Hazel and Nico were siblings. But then Nico remembered that Hazel levesque was not an infamous name within the world of doctors and Bianca Di Angelo was.The first person to come to mind was Hazel, not Bianca. The guilt was overwhelming- did this mean Nico was forgetting his sister? He couldn’t do that, not when she needed him! Hazel was just a girl who happened to make sarcastic quips like him, who just happened to stand up for him, who happened to be slightly related to him. So what? Did it make them family? No! In Nico’s eyes, they weren’t even siblings. Just 2 people who had to get on with each other for the sake of others around them, Bianca was his real sister.

“That’s true, I do have my sister,” Nico said but even as the words left his lips, he knew he wasn’t talking about Bianca.

“She’d be ordering surgeons around and flying cowboys* from Prague to do amazing medical procedures,” Will continued as he got up to throw a wrapper in the bin. When he returned, he leaned against the door frame slightly, as if he was a bad boy in one of those high school cliche films.

“So we’re kissing but we’re not dating, huh?” One of his eyebrows raised slightly resulting in a ridiculous face that Nico believed to be hilarious- not that he’d ever let Solace know that he thought that. Nico fell back into scheming mode- if the conversation was heading where he thought it was, he needed to have his manipulative little plan out and ready.

“I’m all for the kissing. In fact, there should be more kissing,” Will hummed.

“I don’t know how or why it happened,” Nico admitted.

“Is it gonna happen again?” Will asked before lowering his voice, “ I need to bring some breath mints. Put some condoms in my wallet.” Will winked and Nico could physically feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. He had never blushed this badly in his entire life- not even when Percy winked at him.

Abort! Abort! This was not part of the plan. Why are you blushing you incompetent good for nothing nincompoop!

“There’s this baby upstairs in peds. It’s new and not neglected. It hasn’t been disappointed by anyone or rejected. How do we get from there to here? Alisson is wearing my boots and someone has beaten the crap out of her and here she is with nobody.” Nico was practically counting down the minutes left before he could leave at this point. However, before Will could respond, a rapid beeping came from one of the machines hooked up to Allison. Will scurried forward in a panic.

“Her ICP* has doubled. Page Jackson and get an OR ready- tell them to prep for a craniotomy*. Hang a mannitol and take a blood gas*!” Will shouted over the frantic beeping of the machine.

Nico was pacing back and forth. He felt like he was Allison’s mother. There she was in surgery all by herself and he- someone who had never met her- was pacing back and forth like they had known each other their entire lives. His head practically shot up as he saw Will and Percy come through the doors he had been waiting in front of. Solace shot him a sympathetic smile as he walked past- Percy on the other hand had stayed in front of Nico and his expressions looked grave.

How was Percy meant to say this? This was his childhood best friend of his entire life and he was somehow meant to tell him that his patient was most likely now a vegetable. He didn’t know why it was going to be so hard- Nico was someone who knew how to take news. Sure, Nico never took it well and would often just isolate himself until someone forcefully dragged his butt out but he would never break down. Well, Percy had never thought he had.

“I had to leave a flap of her skull open until the pressure and swelling in her brain goes down,” Percy confessed nervously, ruffling his messy hair that had been matted down under his scrub cap.

In a pained voice, Nico whispered, “She isn’t gonna make it.”

Percy hadn’t heard Nico use such a voice since his mother had passed away. Nico had been a bit different after that- as one would expect- but the tone that he had adapted when the tragedy occurred was a tone that truly inspired fear in Percy. It was the voice of calamity combined with pain. It was like destruction without the anger, it was like love without the trust, it was like a human with no soul. It was heart wrenching.

“She’ll be fine,” Percy insisted as he pulled Nico into a hug, letting the shorter boy rest his head on his shoulder. Nico wondered if Percy was right. He liked the possibility, the chance that it was true.

But Nico realised that she’d only be alright if she ever woke up.

Nico and never been happier to sign off the custody of something away from himself. Finally, the penis he had been carrying around owud no longer be his possession- he already had a dick, thank you very much. Just ask Solace.

Will and Percy did not really interact with each other much. It wasn't anything personal but they just both run such busy departments that hanging out was something much easier said rather than done. Despite this, they were together as they stormed into the room of 312. Percy and Will were not violent people- they were surgeons, doctors, sworn under the hippocratic oath to do no harm. But it would be an understatement of the year if one were to say that they did not look like terrifying bloodthirsty hungry beasts as they slammed the light on and snarled as they walked into the room of the rapist.

Will slammed his hand onto the side of the stretcher. Once, twice and a third time. It startled the man in bed to jump awake. Threateningly, Will slammed his hand above the man in the stretcher so he was practically leaning over him while Percy stood on the other side with both hands resting on the other handle of the bed.

“We have good and bad news. The good news is that my unbiased girlfriend who is also an exceptional surgeon managed to stop you from bleeding to death,” Percy snarled.

“The bad news is we’ve given your penis to the cops. Have a nice life,” Will growled as both men left the room with Will slamming the door so hard, the hinges rattled.

Nico enjoyed watching the babies. He however, did not enjoy watching the babies with Jason, Juniper and Hazel. Watching a cooing to babies was a very private matter- if word ever got out to his attendings that this happened… well Dr Zhang had already warned him. As he watched them, he realised they get the chance to start afresh. They may have no knowledge but they give people the chance to start afresh, to be something else and change opinions.

“All right, you guys can move in,”Nico groaned, giving up. Jason and Juniper squealed, jumping up and down celebrating.

“I can't believe I caved,” Nico admitted.

Hazel snorted, “I blame the babies.”

Hour 48

The world felt groggy as her eyelids fluttered. This wasn't her cheap New York hotel room, the lights wouldn't be on. She wanted to breathe but she couldn't do it alone-she could feel something obstructing her throat. It felt like something had been forced down there and immediately memories had come flooding back. The rapist, how she had been forced to her knees, the beating. She realised this must be the hospital and if she could think and her eyes were open, then she must be alive. She watched as a doctor with curly blond hair looked at her with astonishment before grabbing the arm of another doctor- with sea green eyes and a mop of balck hair on his head.

The elevator always took ages to arrive and always took even longer to get you to the floor you wanted. Will did not mind this. Nico on the other hand, definitely minded this. He had beds to sleep in and mythomagic cards to nerd out with.

“It's intense, this thing I have for ferry boats again,” Wills voice cut straight through Nico’s thoughts. Nico turned his head to look at the source of the voice.

Of course it's you

Nico knew what would happen if they climbed the empty elevator and he was tired. Part of his plan was revived around Will Solace pinning after him and this was the perfect chance to start it.

“I’m soo taking the stairs this time,” Nico decided.

“You have no self control!” Will called out knowing Nico’s reason for not boarding the elevator, “ It’s sad really!”

Hour 49

“Hey Reyna, pass the coat next to you,” Percy asked as he grabbed his bag off the floor and kissed Annabeth on her head. Reyna tossed the coat towards Percy before grabbing her backpack and zipping up her jacket. The attendings and residents filtered out slowly, one by one leaving Leo in there by himself. Leo didn’t mind being alone. In fact, he enjoyed it. There was something about being able to hum songs while you worked with no distractions that simply appealed to him. He was currently humming a song his Tia Callida had taught him when he was little.

“Are you humming?” A voice came from behind him. Normally, Leo would have ignored the voice or made a snarky remark but he recognised this voice.

“What! Uh, no?” He shrugged sheepishly as he turned around to look at Calypso who had her eyes half closed as if she was enjoying the tune.

“Oh don’t try lying to me Leonidas . I liked it anyway,” she admitted as she leaned forward to access the coffee machine. Calypso was the only person who knew Leo’s full name and the only person he’d ever let get away with calling him that. Leo could feel a rush of butterflies from Calypso's compliment. While it seemed minor, Leo rarely got compliments- so he appreciated them but he also did not know how to properly take one without blubbering.

“What are you still doing here?” Leo asked.

“Hoping to get rid of me I see?”

“No! No, it’s just we came in at the same time and your shift is over so you’re probably tired so you should probably go home and relax,” Leo rambled.

“You also came in at the same time you know. You shouldn't be here as well.”

That shut Leo up. He sat himself on the sofa, not wanting to move. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tired and sleep sounded so nice right now but he did not want to go home. Every time he went back to his apartment, the nightmares would come rushing back and he would wake up covered in sweat. It was like he was cursed.

“Are you okay?” Calypso’s voice sounded concerned.

“I should be asking you that mi amor.” Leo winked before mentally slapping himself. Why on earth did he call her that? Everyone knows that mi amor means my love- it's practically common knowledge!

“You aren’t going to sweet talk your way out of my question Leonidas.” Calypso’s eyes narrowed slightly as she sat on the sofa next to Leo. He sat with one leg slightly bent on the sofa and the other dangling off it whereas Calypso had both her legs crossed as if she was back in nursery.

“I’m tired Callie. Aren’t you?”

“We’re surgeons. It’s what we signed up for. And I’ve seen you tired before Valdez, you aren’t like this.”

“Like this?”

“So… distant. You’ve barely gone on any rants or tangents since forever. You only order black coffee or an almost suicidal amount of espresso now. Everytime you smile, you only do it because someone just approaches you, otherwise your face is unreadable or miserable!” Calypso cried, throwing one of her arms up.

“Just because I’m less talkative Callie doesn’t mean there’s something wrong. I need to coffee to stay awake,” Leo defended himself calmly, holding both of Calypso’s hands to help keep her from exploding.

“What is keeping you up that you need so much caffeine? Is it work, family… a partner?” Calypso’ face physically scrunched up at the idea of Leo losing sleep over doing the deed with another person.

“I...I’m just not getting as much sleep as I should be getting. You know how tough work can be on residents especially because I’m looking for a peds fellowship,” Leo lied through his teeth. He could feel the empty pit of anxiety inside of him calm slightly as he saw the stressed out facial features of Calypso relax. While he felt guilty for lying, he felt better that it wasn’t stressing her out so much. It was only then that he noticed how close their bodies were. They weren’t extremely close but they weren't exactly far away either.

“I've got to tell you about this couple I had today. So the mother is all excited because she wants a boy and the dad is really really excited because he wanted a girl and they’re both arguing back and forth about which one the baby will be. So I do the ultrasound and guess what!”

“What?” Leo asked, practically smitten with her features. The way her eyes widened with glee as she talked about her patients, or how her smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her cheeks had these dimples that would appear every time she spoke but when she smiled, the ones under her eyes would show up and it was always endgame for him then. Her eyes were like pools of honey- sweet, delicate and magical. There was just something about the way her curly hair would always be in a tropical hairstyle as if she was on a beach that made him want to kiss her.

“They had twins! Yeah, so it was a case of twin to twin transfusion syndrome* and one was a boy and the other a girl. So in the end they both got what they wanted and I got myself a very very interesting case!”

Leo chuckled as he watched her rant. As they fell into conversation about their patients, they got closer and closer until they both had their arms leaning on the sofa and were gazing at each other's faces. Calypso’s eyes drifted downwards towards Leo’s rolled up sleeves- as they always did. As her eyes traveled upwards, she spotted something by Leo’s collarbone- like a flick of ink. She didn’t know if she read it right but it looked like it said Bad Boy Supreme with a small fire around it.

“Is that.. Is that a tattoo?” Calypso asked, her hand reaching forward to pull at his shirt slightly to gain a better view. Caught slightly off guard, Leo froze before remembering that he did in fact have a tattoo. He unbuttoned the first 3 buttons to give her a better view.

“Leonidas… did you actually… oh my gods.” Her hand had accidentally pressed on Leo’s chest which was surprisingly muscle. Leo looked scrawny, wasn’t the tallest (still taller than Nico) and didn’t hang out with any other people beside his colleagues so Calypso was not expecting a firm plate of muscle to be directly underneath her palm.

“Yep. You said I should get Bad Boy Supreme tattooed, so I did,” he said rather shakily. Could you blame him though? You try talking normally while the girl you’re in love with touches your chest and has her face up so close against it you could feel her breath.

“I did not think you had it in you,” she confessed, her face still close to his chest with her finger now tracing the art.

“ Mamacita , I’m offended,” he huffed jokingly. She raised her head slightly to raise an eyebrow only to be slightly alarmed at how close they were. If she moved one millimeter upwards, their lips would touch. Her hand was warm on his chest and she could feel his heart beating slightly faster as she traced the words of his tattoo. Her other hand was in his hair- the luxurious chocolate curls which obstructed his face bothered her- she wanted to see his eyes. She pushed them back ever so slightly. She was so close to his face, she could see the different shades of brown that pooled in his eyes- in a sort of chaotic manner that made his eyes look majestic. She couldn't help but stare into them and draw herself close to him- his eyes were honey and she was a bee. She dared to move her head slightly higher so that their eyes locked. They knew what each other were thinking. They could feel each other's thoughts.

Leo kept his gaze on Calypso’s eyes which had darted down to his lips. She watched as he swallowed and his lips parted softly. She raised her head and moved slightly forward and they could each other breath dancing on their lips. Their lips brushed, like a painter's first stroke on a canvas. They were slow, not desperate- it was like they had all the time in the world. Their lips were barely touching like butterfly wings. Leo could feel her warmth and inhale the coffee on her breath. Just as they were about to truly kiss, Leo’s pager started beeping making them both scramble backwards away from each other.

Without another word, Leo got up and left the room.

All the things that have a little * by it will have definitions down here! Code team: The team on call who are required to respond to a code blue which is when someone's heart has stopped GCS: Stands for the Glasgow Coma Scale. It measures a person's level of consciousness after a brain injury- it measures the function of the eyes, body and speech. BP: Is an abbreviation for the 'blood pressure'. Ventilator: Is a machine that essentially provides air for your body when you cannot do it yourself- often patients who suffer extreme injuries will be put on a ventilator. BA: Stands for bachelor of Arts which is an undergraduate degree- please keep in mind that it's not a literal degree in art, it's just called that. PHD: Stands for Doctor of Philosophy. Once again, this isn't a literal doctorate degree in Philosophy. MD: Stands for Doctor of Medicine- now this is a degree that is literally in medicine. Asystole Pulse: In the most basic way I could put it, flatlining. That means that the heart has completely stopped. Benign tumour: If a tumour is benign, it is harmless or not posing any threat to the body. Benign systolic ejection murmurs: Is normally a harmless condition where the heart makes a murmur because something is obstructing the valves in the heart. Tetralogy spell: When there is a quick drop in oxygen in the body and it makes the skin appear blue. EKG: Stands for electrocardiogram which is when those wires are stuck to your chest so that they can measure your heart's electrical signals. An EKG can also be called an ECG. Echo: An 'echo' is an abbreviation of echocardiogram- not to be confused with electrocardiogram. An echocardiogram is basically an ultrasound of the heart. Fallot of tetralogy with pulmonary atresia: This is a very complicated condition but essentially, it's the result of the 5 defects that this condition causes in the heart. Cowboy doctor: Is a doctor who is so definite in their diagnosis, they refuse to consider any other options. ICP: Stands for intracranial pressure which is just the pressure in your brain. Craniotomy: Not to get confused with a craniectomy, a craniotomy is when a piece of skull is removed temporarily to expose the brain. Mannitol: Mannitol is a sugar alcohol that can be used to decrease the intracranial pressure. TTS: Also known as Twin to Twin transfusion syndrome is a rare condition where twins in the womb share the same placenta- the result of this is one child getting more oxygen and nutrients than the other.

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selfmadesuperhero · 4 years

Text

i’m very much not okay

and i’ll probably take very long for me to explain why

i don’t know how to write this. i don’t know where to even start. i’m here because i just don’t have anywhere else to go. i can’t afford therapy. i no longer have any close friends other than Mabu (gf).

it’s getting pretty bad inside my head

i know most people’s lives are hell this year and i’m not special. i know that. to me, this year is feeling like the last nail in my coffin because 2019 had already chewed me up and spit me out.

i kept my last job for eight years. after my first year there, another developer came in, and we became friends. we worked side by side less than 4 feet apart for six years. our hours were flexible but we always agreed upon our schedule just so work would be more bearable, because we both hated it and often had to team up against our boss’ downright abuse. it was a very small company (at its biggest we were only 7 employees). we were also going to graduate at the same time from the same school (different majors), so we had a bit of a pact to leave our shitty boss once we’d graduated and start developing our own, way less shitty games.

at the start of 2019, he got an excellent job offer. i was thrilled for him and told him to of course get out of that hellhole we hated so much, we were only there because the pay was decent and the hours were flexible so we could get our degree, you know? it stung, but i was happy for him. on the last day i gave him a ride home (which is also something i did almost daily), he surprised me by hugging me and telling me i was like a brother to him and our plans weren’t going to change.

i believed him, and went back to work. he was soon replaced, obviously, by a junior developer because that’s how capitalism works. but suddenly, i no longer had someone to take a stand with me against my boss - there was no one left that i knew, everyone had resigned or been fired and i was the oldest employee. you’d think that’d earn me something, after eight years being dedicated to the same company, right?

(shortly after, my grandma passed, after years and years of agonizing in a wheelchair. we lived together)

fuck that

the first months were fine. i was being the senior developer and teaching the junior constantly, so my boss stayed out of my way. but see, this is where he started to get ansty. the more the junior stopped being a junior and was actually useful for something, the more that piece of gigantic ass just started thinking only about our salaries. i started in that company in 2012 making little more than 3 bucks/hour (remember i live in a third world country, but it was still specialized work), but by 2019, my salary was pretty much double of what the junior was making, and every penny extra i got during those years was a CONQUEST. i also worked six hours while he worked eight, so.

my boss basically started treating me even more like shit. he wasn’t nice to be around before, but he was bearable in small amounts. suddenly it was obvious to everyone that he was really fixating on me and my performance, and to me it was obvious he just wanted me to walk away too so he could replace me with TWO junior developers instead of just one measly charlie.

then, the nationals elections began. oh boy.

this probably wouldn’t read as news to anyone, but i’m a huge leftie, obviously. if you’re at all interested in politics, read about what socialist policies have done for uruguay during the past 15 years and how they turned us into AT LEAST a developing country, but i digress.

the people that sat in my office even shared my political views or whatever, but my boss is actually part of the conservative party and started actively campaigning. every time something involving politics happened, he made a point to come barging in the office and telling me and specifically me about it like i was personally running against his party. i actually recorded him once to have proof of him at least screaming at me, so i could check if i was crazy for thinking he had something against me. he frequently called me communist and just mocked my views. if you’re wondering, yes, this is illegal, but nothing happened.

then, two big things happened at once: we lost the election, and my recently adopted puppy was diagnosed with distemper. yes, it happened on the same that and it’s a day i’ll never forget.

my girlfriend and i had talked about getting a puppy once we moved in together. we’d named him like two years before it actually happened. we moved in together on may 2019 and on september i found the most precious boy for adoption on facebook and i was innocently all like “oh i’ve had to put rescue dogs for adoption before, let’s give back!”.

on october 27th, he had a seizure and the vet told us it was likely we’d have to put him down because only 20% of dogs survived, and it was even less for puppies.

when i went to work, i had to put up with my boss laughing and mocking me for winning the election “against me”. i guess i missed my running for anything?

this post is already too long for me to get into details about my dog’s disease. for months, every day we looked after him constantly. i read everything there was to BE READ about distemper online, spent thousands of pesos on medicine and treatments just in case he had a chance. good news is he did! this is the only positive note in this post.

it still wasn’t easy. he made us cry at least three times a day. we really thought he was dying, and we’d made the mistake of naming him 2 years before he was even born. we’d taken PERFECT care of him while he was unvaccinated, but the vet told us it was most likely he was already infected before he came home to us. i’d never seen such a small puppy so sick. he hallucinated constantly. if you don’t know, distemper is a neuro/digestive/skin/bone/HELL disease that’s really nasty. he’d have seizures almost daily and poop and pee himself. he stopped being able to control his body other than his two front legs, which he didn’t even have full control of. when he stopped being able to walk, he started crying constantly, it really tore the heart out of my chest

we called another vet, a dog physical therapist, so she’d tell us how we could help him. she told us to make him stand as long as possible, so every time he had a meal, i’d bend down with him and hold his hips - so he’d be able to stand, and slowly gain back some muscle mobility. every day we massaged his legs and flexed his joints, even his tiny toes, so he’d avoid atrophy. and we did it!! as i’m writing this, he’s one year old now, he’s no longer sick even if he’ll carry with him plenty of lifelong sequels, and he walks and runs and barks like the best of them ♥ i wasn’t going to plug anything but if you wanna see his progress, it’s on instagram @hamiltonthefighter

okay, i guess i ended up talking at length about his disease in the end, sorry. his walking again had a price to pay for me: my own back. for two or three months i was bent over this dog, you know? i still can’t get out of bed without help sometimes lol around december it got really bad but i just kept popping pills because joy oh joy, i was doing my thesis and i didn’t really have time or money for anything else. my job was basically paying for our rent, my university classes including the thesis course which was ridiculously expensive, and our dog had given me credit card debt out of desperation (we even had to buy those rubber things used for yoga to place on our floors so he’d have something to use his nails against instead of constantly slipping on the floor, we tried every medication that might help, we gave him CBD oils, all kinds of vitamins, constant vet visits where during the first two weeks he got like three different shots every day, etc)

i’m rambling, and i’m sorry, but i don’t really think anyone will read this. i started this post crying my eyes out and writing about my dog at least has been calming, because even if he’s a drooling mess now, he’s still the same he ever was and i love him very much and he’s sleeping soundly next to me and he’s finally close to fine.

remember the friend i talked about like half an hour ago? the one that worked with me for six years? nothing changed between us during the first months. for my thesis, i was going to develop a videogame with Mabu, but we were allowed to have external coding help because it was about GameDev, not the actual coding. i knew how to code, obviously, but Nico (the friend, guess we’ll give him a name) was also part of our project so he was gonna help us code so i had more time to focus on art and 3D modelling. the idea was kill two birds with one stone, make something we all liked, mabu and I were going to graduate with it and then we’d keep working on it during 2020 as we’d always always talked about.

by december, even if nico and i still talked regularly, i could tell he had just moved on with his life. he’d said he’d help us, but he was doing his own thesis, so i told him not to worry at that time, our final due date was in february. he asked us to forgive him during december and promised us he’d come back in january to DEVOTE himself to the project. i started coding the project besides working on the art and i was thankfully able to meet all the deadlines, so it was really fine, of course i understood where he was coming from.

then, on january 7th, Mabu’s grandma passed away. she was scheduled for a heart surgery that supposedly only had 1% risk, and she passed on the table because of a doctor’s mistake. the surgery was here in the capital, but Mabu’s family lives five hours away. she comes from a very big, very loving family, and her grandma (being the mother of five children) was very much the center of it. i also loved her. she’d replaced my grandma the second she passed and every time i saw her she hugged me like i was a lost grandson.

when my girlfriend called me during her surgery, i immediately left work because i just knew she would be crying if things were okay. this was a nightmare come alive for a family of 20+ people, and most of them were 5 hours away from their own house. my mother in law was (and still is) devastated by the lost of her mother because she was the one to encourage the surgery and she still thinks she killed her. i drove my her, my girlfriend, her sister and her sister’s boyfriend on my mother’s in law van for five hours while they all cried or slept and i had to really, really pinch myself because i was EXHAUSTED but what else could i do?

logically i missed work the next day. LOGICALLY. i had the service to attend and i was 5 hours away from the office and i didn’t even have my own car with me. i told my boss to discount the day, since i wasn’t entitled to the mourning day by law because it wasn’t my grandma. he didn’t even reply - he almost never talked to me by this point unless it was to berate me for something. i went back to work the day after the service.

now, remember we were doing our thesis and it was due in february? it really wasn’t great timing for anyone to die, but i was trusting Nico’s promise that he’d have more free time and he’d make up for not helping us code sooner. i told him the news about Mabu’s grandma, and then basically had to tell him to say something to her for her loss because he was supposed to be her friend, what the fuck, why aren’t you at least sending her a text.

let’s just say, january wasn’t a great month for Mabu and myself. two weeks after the passing, we still hadn’t had news from Nico. Mabu didn’t even have time to properly mourn because we had to turn our thesis in like, little over a month. i wrote to nico just downright ASKING if he was gonna be able to help us or WHAT, to which he said to me...

he’d never promised anything because he was really busy with his own stuff and he didn’t want to bring it up sooner because he knew Mabu was mourning and things were hard for us at the moment?

like that’s great pal, thanks for telling me at the last POSSIBLE second you were just dropping out altogether, what the actual fuck? it still baffles me that someone can be so thick headed, but he kept saying he had made no promises and both Mabu and I knew that was a lie and i honestly just couldn’t deal with someone so selfish he couldn’t at least give a heads up sooner

the icing on the cake during the beginning of this year is someone i haven’t even mentined: MY PIECE OF SHIT BROTHER. talking about him may deserve another post, because this is already so long and convoluted and i haven’t even talked about his involvement in my misery during 2019-2020. i’ll try to make the story short if anyone’s still reading this far:

a lot of years ago, our maternal grandmother moved to uruguay from russia and bought a tiny shitty house here next to my mother’s. my mother still hasn’t talked to me since 2013 because i’m trans, but that’s neither here nor there. i tried to keep in touch with my brother (we don’t share dads so he was no relation with my side of the family), and around 2017 i finally succeeded in making friends with him. or so i thought, clearly.

that grandmother passed... sometime. i don’t really know because they cut me off. she didn’t speak to me either, she was literally a crazy old nasty woman and i didn’t even care when i heard she’d died, to be honest. she was such a nasty woman, she’d put her tiny shitty house to my and my brother’s name just to keep her own daughter out of the inheritance when she bought it.

that also meant i was inheriting something for the first time ever, even if it was shitty. BUT my brother had his own fake grandma (the woman who looked after him his whole life instead of our mother) who was very old and frail and asked me if he could house her there. i said yes because again, i didn’t give a shit about the inheritance or the house or anything regarding my mother’s side of the family (other than him obviously), so for years this woman occupied the house. my brother basically took all existing furniture and appliances because he was moving in with a girlfriend and i even loaded up my shitty car with his stuff. all i wanted to inherit was the couch set, which had come all the way from russia and everyone had promised me since i was a wee lad, but he started whining about his fake-grandma not having a living room set and nowhere to sit and i didn’t even live by myself yet so i let them have the fucking couches, too.

oh boy this is already too long but now i’m too lazy to make a separate post

anyway, sometime during 2019, the woman moved out to an old folks home because she could no longer take care of herself. i immediately asked about the couch set with hope in my heart that it could finally be mine, but my brother told me our mother didn’t want me to have it.

he wanted to rent the house to make a profit, which sounded good to me because of that dog related credit card debt i talked about. and here’s where you might think i’m not that there in the head, but all my life i didn’t want anything to do with that house until my mother was in the ground - not out of hate but because i thought it was a shitty thing her own mother had done to her, and the inheritance should have been hers. she doesn’t have a degree or a stable job because she’s a russian translator so hey, whatever, they needed it more than i did. but then my brother starting getting ideas about improving the house so we’d make more money, and how we should do it together, and... i think i might have mentioned already why i didn’t exactly have time to redo a house? i was doing my thesis? about to graduate? my boss was constantly on my case? my dog was about to die?

i helped as much as i could at first, but then december came, and then january, and my brother just kept nagging me about the house like i was purposefuly sitting on my ass doing nothing, because oh every day it’s not rented it’s money lost. no amount of explaining how stretched thin i was seemed to suffice, not even when mabu’s grandma died and nico left us hanging with the thesis and i had less than a month left to code the whole project by myself while ALSO taking care of the art.

by the end of january, i was so stressed, i called a doctor after a panic attack. he gave me a weeks rest because of my back, because i wasn’t even able to get up without help at that time. it wasn’t much of a rest because i still used that time to sit at the computer and code 15 hours a day at LEAST, but hey.

it was the first time in 8 years i’d taken medical leave of ANY kind. i didn’t even get medical leave when i got my chest surgery. it happened on a friday and i was back to work the next monday. i’d never skipped more than 2 days of work at best when i had a bad case of the flu or something, but that was it.

when i went back to work, my boss immediatelly called me to his office. he started berating me about my performance again, bringing graphs comparing the amount of lines of code i’d written next to my coworkers. i didn’t mention this, but the graphic designer had also quit during 2019, so i was also covering that workload and no, that didn’t exactly translate to lines of code. i also had to spend HOURS every day tutoring the junior because he was too much of a cheap shit (didn’t use those words) to hire an experienced developer. i’d even WORKED AS A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR MEDIA CONTENT FOR HIS POLITICAL CAREER, EVEN IF IT WAS AGAINST MY BELIEFS AND NOT AT ALL RELATED TO MY JOB. he denied everything. EVERYTHING. he stuck to the narrative that i was just lazy and the proof was i’d just taken AN ENTIRE WEEK because “my back just hurt a little” and i had the audacity to skip work for someone else’s grandmother dying

i’m not exaggerating, i swear to anyone who might be reading this. that day was brutal and i’m still not over it half a year later, i don’t care if that makes me sound like a wuss. i worked eight years of my life in this fucking place.

this argument lasted for hours, but i kept my head down because i couldn’t afford to lose the job, specially not then. i even apologized for any loss in performance and tried to explain my point of view and what i was going through (which i’d already done to another superior weeks ago anyway). but just when i thought i’d MAYBE be able to keep my head above water, he told me he was denying my the request i’d made to take two weeks of holiday days before the thesis final due date.

i had already explained everything to him. everything, even nico dropping the team and my having to do everything by myself. i broke down and i told him he was forcing me to leave my job, i’d just have been certified by a doctor and i was asking for leave for SCHOOL (all things that are protected by law here), but he just kept repeating i could either walk away from my job or show up during those two weeks. he just wanted me gone, but he couldn’t fire me right away without having to pay me THOUSANDS because of my seniority (by law). he knew what he was doing to me and he didn’t care about it. he didn’t even let me TOUCH MY COMPUTER, he told me he wasn’t the one pushing me away, that i was doing this to myself, and he’d ask for a lawyer to check my computer for any “inconsistencies in my activity”, even. i really have a hard time just thinking about that day and how utterly humilliating it was. i lost a lot of personal files, because i sat at that desk for eight years and of course i had personal files because sometimes i stayed after hours before going to class.

imagine for a second a sixty year old man, rich as shit, political candidate, standing in front of a computer, disconnecting the mouse and keyboard so i couldn’t touch it, yelling at me i was doing this to myself and i was losing my job because i had the audacity to ask for two weeks leave to finish my fucking school thesis.

and yeah, i lawyered up. i didn’t have actual money to AFFORD a lawyer, but mabu’s cousin’s girlfriend was a lawyer and lived one block away and i immediatelly told her everything there was to tell. she brought me to the firm she worked in and they guaranteed me i had a pretty strong case and i was at least gonna be able to walk away with something.

that put things in hold for a while because the “trial” or whatever wasn’t gonna be held until after the thesis, so i tried to forget about it. my boss even owed me my untaken paid vacation days, which i told the lawyers because i was pretty sure he’d just forgot, but i wanted to know if it made a better case against him. they agreed, and i left it at that.

but you know who was still making my life miserable even when february began and i had less than three weeks to finish our project right? MY SWEET BABY BRO. he was constantly nagging me about having to do all the work himself, like I’D ASKED ANYTHING FROM THAT HOUSE TO BEGIN WITH. but see, the nastier he started getting, the more apparent his lies began to appear. he got nasty to the level where ON THE DAY I WAS TURNING THE PROJECT IN he kept calling me demanding MONEY for stuff he’d paid for the house without checking in with me. i was honestly baffled by his level of selfishness, i was already sleeping three hours a day tops and he expected me to what, paint walls? he was FIERCELY against having to wait for my project to be done even if it was two weeks away and he was asking and asking for money when i’d just told him i’d lost my job without a penny to show for it. nice guy, really.

suddenly, the following lies became clear:

my mother didn’t care if i took the couch set, he told me that because he was moving again and he was planning on taking the couches himself. (he ended up doing just so, too). he lied to me with the thing that hurts me most in the world: my mother hating me. he had even made a joke about it, because my mother had bought a new couch not long ago, and he didn’t “get” why she “didn’t want me to have anything”

years ago he’d told me he had refinanced a tax debt the house had, and i gave him money for it. now that the house was about to be put up for rent, he pretended that had never happened and suddenly started talking about how we needed to take care of that

he wasn’t planning on splitting the rent three ways between him, our mother and i. he was gonna keep two thirds, and i later even found out my own mother had given him the idea.

then poor mabu confessed to me once, two years ago, she’d wore a skirt one time visiting my brother and his then girlfriend, and he had told her nasty stuff to her year upon saying goodbye and she had never said anything because didn’t want to hurt our sibling relationship

talk about final nail huh?

i confronted him and he denied everything, obviously, he instantly played the victim card, how dare i think that way about him, how dare i break his dreams of reuniting the family again. he said things to me i’ll also never forget like, apparently, it shows that i’m a shit person because i have no friends and no one wants me around, unlike him that has so many. he told me i thought the world owed me when i was shit and i believed anything anyone told me before believing him. no one told me any of his lies, i caught them all by myself, but whatever. he cursed me and told me he never wanted anything to do with me because i was rotten and i only cared about money and i was so so selfish. this must have been around march and i still don’t know anything from him, or care.

what do i have to do for that side of the family to leave me alone, i wonder? all i ever wanted to do was be his friend

the “trial” against my boss came and suddenly every lawyer that worked at that firm was taking a fucking holiday except for the one that was supposedly leading my case - except suddenly, i didn’t have much of a case at all. i walked away with less than 2 thousand dollars and that was WITH the vacation days i hadn’t taken. the agreement was the lawyers were gonna keep 25% of however much i made but THAT vacation money wasn’t supposed to count because it didn’t come out of the “trial” thing, you know?

well, it did. the lawyer screwed me over too. but hey, at least he’d gotten me unemployment for a couple of months (you only apply for unemployment if you’re fired, not if you walk away from a job, and my having been fired or not was what was being contested), i still tried to be optimistic, i had a few months to figure things out while i looked for another job, and at least i was able to finish paying for school with that money.

yeah, this was late february, beginning of march. joke’s on me for being optimistic at all

my own brother plotting with my own mother against me has done a number for my mental health. i already had baggage aplenty, like every trans dude or girl whose parents would rather see them dead than be a dyke/fag (my mother’s own words, ladies and gents)

my boss of eight years kicking me to the curve at the worst moment in my life in the most humilliating of ways while blaming me for it has left me feeling so worthless to people in general. i’m getting better with time, i think, but i’m still all not there. i have a really hard time thinking my work is worth anything at all.

i keep thinking my brother was right, and i’m a shitty friend, and i don’t deserve anyone around. my only real friend at the moment is my girlfriend, which makes it really hard to have any arguments because i start feeling like my life is ending because she’s pretty much all i have left and she’s the most important thing in the world to me because i wouldn’t have survived all this shit i’m writing without her by my side. i would walk to hell and back for her. but nico also left me behind without a second thought, after telling me i was like a brother to him, no matter how many times i invited him to hang out or anything to keep in touch. i’ve been a shitty friend to a lot of people, but not him, and he still didn’t care about me at all, so i just stopped trying.

but now social distancing has got me all fucked up. i can’t trust people. i can’t go outside. everything is scary to me, i have at least two or three panic attacks per WEEK and they get nastier and longer every time. i know i need help, but i can’t even afford rent, let alone therapy. Uruguay has the worst unemployment rates since 2006 now thanks to our baby-Trump right now. i look for jobs daily even if the notion of having a job even SIMILAR to the one i had before gives me the shakes. programming isn’t as hard as some people may think, but the workplaces are usually VERY toxic because you’re valued by the amount of lines of code you write, and i’m so so tired. i’m still looking because I NEED. TO. PAY. RENT. but not because it’s something i want in life, at all. i’d much rather be poor and just do freelance work instead, but i’m failing.

i thank the people that have helped me or commissioned me these past few months from the bottom of my heart. i’m sorry i’m not more active, i’m sorry i’m still rusty and can’t draw faster, i’m sorry i sometimes spend half a day crying my eyes out because i just don’t know how to move forward. i have a week left, i still haven’t made enough for rent, let alone the bills or food. mabu used to get plenty of art commissions on etsy, but she hasn’t sold anything since march either and she’s younger than me so our financial struggles have an even deeper impact on her

i’m just so, so tired. i’m lucky to have mabu, and that is about it. i honestly don’t think i could have survived this year without her. for months the future has looked like a black screen to me. i can’t even trust the vegetable market in front of my fucking house because some piece of shit spread the rumor that i’m trans and now i can’t even open the door to my front house without getting stares sometimes, it’s ridiculous. i wish i could trust more than one person in the world so that everything wasn’t on her shoulders.

i’m not okay. we’re not okay.

that’s about it. i’m sorry i can’t end this on a more positive note. at least we graduated with an excellent score. not that we had a graduation, obviously. thanks corona.

thank you for reading if you read this far ♥

#this is literally 5k+ words of how my life went to shit :)#trying to write down feelings like i used to do seven years ago when i was transitioning because i have no other outlets #sorry new followers #(sorry old followers)

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androgynousblackbox · 4 years

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I just watched “About Ray” or “3 generations” movie, something I was kinda hyped about since I hear it was going to be about some trans guy, but boooooy, did I hated that fucking movie with all my soul and I am going to tell you why: -Their safety regarding binding is all out of whack because first time we see the dude binding? Ace bandages, which is fucking bad already because his family can afford a nice fucking place, it has been 5 o 6 years since Ray came out but in all this time apparently they couldn’t be bothered to get him an actual binder? And when Ray does get an actual binder he is seen EXERCISING with it? Despite how that can really fuck up your lung capacity and the movie makes a big deal of how he trains completely alone, so he wouldn’t have that much dysphoria to actually need a binder on those moments, especially considering that later on the house he goes around the house without binder without a single problem, basically making this “but he NEEDS to bind!!” kinda pointless and very dangerous if some trans guy assumes you can just do that. -Also, either this movie wants me to believe that there are NO other trans people or trans communities in the entirety of New York, which is fucking absurd as it is, or they won’t ever related to the trans community they do know because Ray think “it’s full of freaks”. Like there is this scene where the mom wants him to go to a reunion of something and Ray he doesn’t want to go, and like what the fuck am I supose to take from that? That other trans people are weird but Ray is not, because he just wants to be a “normal guy with a normal life”, unlike those freaks, or that Ray has some serious internalized transphobia that goes entirely uncalled for the entire movie? Like, you know how much of the angst would go away if Ray could just talk to other trans people who know exactly what he is going through and how to reaffirm him? Community can be life saving for many trans people. To this movie to just throw that like it doesn’t matter or it’s not worth it seems just dismissive and unnecesary. To frame it as “of course Ray does’t want to relate to other trans people because he wants to be nOrMaL” is such an insulting way to look at it. -The grandma is a straight up terf, insisting for a big chunk of the movie that Ray is just a lesbian, that they can find “alternative solutions” to transitioning (which is code for converstion therapy), consistently misgendering him without anyone calling her out on it or telling her that is fucked up, treating it more so like a tiny annoyance from a stubborn grandma, calling transitioning a mutilation (even though Ray was 16 and just considering taking T, not do any surgery?), comparing it with female genital mutilation and talking big shit about how she has worked soooooo hard for little girls to be whatever they wanted to be and now her “grandaughter” was a boy, like it was such a cruel tragedy. The resolution to this, though? Nothing. The grandma just got stuck on a gas station and apparently that was enough to change her mind about everything, because the next scene she is already totally accepting of her grandson. She doesn’t even apoligize for the disgusting, horrible things she said, she is just like “you are man in our family” and that is enough. -The mom, despite having spent 5 O 6 YEARS talking with doctors, psychologists and pressumably other trans people, despite Ray having come out to her about how he has felt like a boy his entire life, STILL misgenders him, STILL doubt his identity, STILL refuses to give him HRT and STILL acts like it’s such a tragedy because “i have to grieve for my daughter”, like WHY CIS PEOPLE ARE OBSSESED WITH THAT NARRATIVE. Why the fuck they always frame it like “my kid died, uwu, poor me, I suffer so much”. Like news flash, I don’t care how tough is for you to understand your kid was never who you thought him to be, even if it has been 5 O 6 YEARS fucking already, your grieving bullshit is nothing compared to what your kid is going through when you make him feel like he just killed someone just for being himself. Honestly fuck the mom. I know the movie wants me to see her as such a good mom because she is oh so supportive and she tries, but after 5 O 6 YEARS, you have no fucking excuse to still misgender your own fucking kid and still doubt them. -”It’s like his brain is disconnected from his vagina. It’s like a cruel joke” is an actual line that is actually in the movie, coming from the mother to try to “convince” the father to sign the HRT paper, and like WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT WAS SOMETHING GOOD TO PUT ON. Being trans is not a cruel joke, and even if some individual trans people feel that way, that is NOT something you should use to describe transness as a whole, holy shit. ESPECIALLY NOT COMING FROM THE MOTHER OF A TRANS KID, FUCK. -Speaking of the mother, I absolutely fucking hate her story because SHE is the center of all, she and her shitty drama, she and her shitty problems, and Ray has BARELY anything to do on a movie that is about him. The movie is not about any trans guy coming to terms with who he is and his family learning to accept him as such, it’s about this mother and how hard is for her to talk with her ex who she cheated on for the sake of her kid. -Ray has no agency and barely a personality on a movie that is about him. He is merely the catalist for everyone’s else development. And what little we do know about him? Don’t like him. Like he has this video that is fucking pointless because it’s never shown on it’s entirety, where he talks about this girl he likes, and like does she know she was being filmed? Did she gave her consent? For who is this video? To publish online? Because if so, publish a video with images from a girl that didn’t consent to be on that video only to declare how much you want to be her boyfriend is a major creep move. But also, that ended in shit? Like the two of them just share one single moment in which she misgender him and the next moment Ray is saying to his friends “I would hit that, but I don’t love her” because that is a sure fine way to make me like your male character, except no, it doesn’t and I don’t like it. Like if the idea was to show he was getting over her or that he doesn’t want to reveal how much he is in love, I am sure there were less gross ways to go about it. Besides, what I am supose to take from that? That Ray talks like that because “he is one of the boys”? That is not cute. -Speaking of shit that goes fucking nowhere, there is a guy the mom has a one night stand and the only reason it exist is so the mom can ask this guy about if he wouldn’t prefer to have a vagina instead of a penis. Yeah, I don’t know why either. The guy legit doesn’t even have a name. There is one scene where the guy is shyly trying to talk to her only to be completely ignored and the next scene there are awake on his apartment, and then poof, nothing fucking happens. That whole shit was just fucking weird. Like sure, somehow I know this was meant to show the mom SOMEHOW trying to come to terms with Ray’s desire for transition (I hope at least, unless I am supose to take as a quirky trait she just randomly ask guys if they want to have other genitalia), but A. Make no fucking sense and B. That is fucking weird. -Also, maybe this is because I know this is a cis woman on a trans role or something, but I didn’t believe the performance of the lady who played Ray at all. Literally at no point I was abled to buy it. -To finalize, this movie sucks, it’s just another example of a movie that is supposedly about trans people but is really in fact about the cis people who are so affected by the transition thing, and how this is so hard on them and how they can’t understand and how brave and good they are for still accepting the trans person, like The Danish Girl, that I also hated, and the only thing it did is make me wish so hard there was a quirky teenage romantic movie about trans people, because this “trans only exist in drama or as a joke on itself” is boring as shit.

#andro is venting #seriously don't fucking watch this shit is awful #like even taking away all i just said this movie is such a fucking drag #it just goes on and on and on with bullshit you don't care about and it ends

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child-of-sunshine · 4 years

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Just gotta rant for a minute so this is going under a cut

I can’t stand the way tumblr in general talks about “rich people” (which they can’t define to save their fucking lives) and particularly when they mention “millionaires” as though it actually means something significant in terms of wealth.

First, no one seems to understand that by today’s inflated standards, a million dollars really isn’t that much. A quick google search will tell me that the average “middle-income” parent in America will spend over 250k to raise a child from birth to 18 years old. If a couple has 4 kids, they’re already spending over a million dollars on those kids. Yes, that’s over 18 years, but it’s still meaningful.

If a person makes 100k, which is supposedly the 85th percentile of income, it only takes them 10 years to make a million dollars. And yes, obviously they’re spending money too, and it’s not like their savings or their net worth are going to be a million in that time, but people don’t even seem to comprehend that their earnings over that time would literally be a million. Someone earning the average American income, let’s say 50k because I get conflicting information from various sources, would only take 20 years to earn a million dollars.

And calling “millionaires” (putting that in quotes because people (a) do NOT understand the difference between net worth and actual liquid assets or even income) rich, particularly in the context of the “eat the rich” rhetoric, is ridiculous. I know this site has a serious problem with black-and-white thinking, but for fuck’s sake.

Let’s take a look at my parents.

My dad grew up in a relatively low-income household. His mother’s grandparents came straight from Italy with a few dollars in their pockets and nothing else. Her family struggled to get food on the table at times. She worked very hard as a seamstress and married a man who had a good job at Ford back when that meant actual benefits including into retirement, and so they managed to raise two boys without having to worry too much about being able to afford food or housing. They saved like crazy and spent the minimum that they possibly could on themselves, so that when they reached retirement, they had a pretty decent amount of savings for the rest of their lives and could finally enjoy some luxury vacations and get a small but nice house in Florida.

My mom grew up in a truly low-income household. She was the youngest of five siblings living in a tiny, shitty town in Nowhere, Michigan, with two parents who smoked constantly, in a house that sat next to some kind of horrifying mystery waste pond (she and both of her sisters had cancer, my mom at just 36, and one of her brothers died from some kind of unknown neurological deterioration). Her father got TB and spent time in a sanitarium, after which he became a withdrawn alcoholic and then died relatively young. Her mother became depressed, stopped working, and died of cancer. My mom lost both of her parents in her early 20s, before she even met my father.

Both of my parents were gifted with the great privileges of great brains and being white. Even in their crappy hick town in the middle of nowhere, my mom managed to be in the top of her class (of 56 whole people) in high school and earned a scholarship to a state university, literally the only way she could have afforded to attend. My dad worked to pay for his college as far as I know (because back then you could actually do that). They both got bachelor’s degrees. My dad became an engineer, a good career, and quickly found a job with a relatively new, small local company. He worked extremely hard, long hours for years and moved up to being a manager, and the company has grown a lot over the 25+ years he’s now worked there, with the result that he now makes a low six-figure salary. My mom took a computer programming course after realizing her journalism degree wouldn’t get her much paid work, and has worked as a programmer for 25+ years now, switching jobs sometimes, usually making somewhere in the 60-70k range in the last decade or so.

My mother got pregnant with my sister around the time she and my dad got engaged. She was working a crappy programming job and he’d barely started as an engineer, making nowhere near six figures. They lived in a trailer park, in a trailer with a hole in the floor and steps that were a safety hazard. She’d spent some time living with her sister, who’s 13 years older than her and never had children (thus had a house and some savings). My dad’s mother, the seamstress, made my mom’s wedding dress for free as long as my mom bought the material for it, which was just about all they could afford. They had a nice, small wedding when my sister was about 2 (she was afraid of my mom’s dress lmao) and one of my cousins took the pictures.

Four years after my sister was born, my parents had saved up enough to put a down payment on our house, a moderate-sized family home in a suburban neighborhood that was just being built. The house was a little over 200k. She got pregnant with me and the house was finished just after I was born.

My mom got cancer when I was 2 years old. They haven’t talked to me much about it. Her sister spent a lot of money to buy her a really nice wig made of animal hair (which, unfortunately, she could rarely wear because it made her very itchy). She went through surgery, chemo, and radiation. She spent months sick as hell and miserable, while trying to raise two young daughters. Thankfully, they’d saved enough to be able to handle the medical bills, particularly with my dad’s good job that had good benefits and, by then, was paying him a pretty decent salary. My mom recovered, thankfully (over 20 years in remission now!).

In 2008, when the recession hit, my mom lost her job quickly. She tried finding new ones but couldn’t. No one was hiring programmers, they were getting rid of them. Her depression got a lot worse. I was in high school and depressed myself (in large part because of the situation at home, though my parents don’t know it, that became suicidal depression a while afterward), and they had to start paying for therapy for me. My sister was in college and had to try to pay for it herself because my parents’ college fund for her hadn’t gone as far as they’d hoped. My dad’s company supplies machines to auto manufacturers. They were worried. They laid off some people, thankfully not my dad, and others had to take pay cuts. My parents started sitting down and seriously going over finances. My mom and I had to completely quit figure skating, my only physical stress outlet (like I said, that contributed a LOT to the severe depression). We had to cut down the grocery bills and think about not buying gifts for family members’ birthdays and such. My grandparents, happily retired by then with good savings, paid off the rest of our mortgage and told my dad to pay them back without interest whenever he could, so that no matter what happened with the jobs, we at least wouldn’t have to worry about losing our house. I listened to my parents scream at each other over money and I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights.

Guess what? My dad is a millionaire. Definitely not in liquid assets, but in net worth he probably just barely hits 1 million. He now makes a low six-figure salary and when the economy is doing okay, he invests some of it in the stock market, mostly in low-risk stocks that are guaranteed to have payouts (I don’t know a lot about this, so that’s all I’ll say). He inherited/learned his dad’s extreme money-saving ways and saves as much as possible. He’s an engineer and very handy, so whenever possible he does home and car repairs himself to save a lot of money. I managed to get a scholarship that covered almost all of my undergrad tuition, I lived at home for half of undergrad and all of med school to save money, I worked in retail in undergrad and as an EMT in med school to pay for some of my own stuff, and they didn’t pay for any of my med school tuition, so that’s it for their educational expenses for me. My mom’s had a good, stable job for the last few years that pays in the low 80k range, I think. We live in a house worth ~250k that we now fully own thanks to my grandparents.

A few years ago, my dad’s brother bought a crappy, tiny, nearly-condemned cabin in the woods up north for about 20k (seriously, it was shit). He and my dad put in a few hundred dollars and a TON of time and manual labor to fix it up, and now we pay half the bills on it and both of our families use it for vacations. We have a small (19ft) boat that my dad bought as a gift for my mom when she had cancer--he got it extremely cheap from a guy who’d bought it, barely used it, and just wanted rid of it. It’s a 1994 and full of problems now, but we’ve managed to keep it going (barely, at times) and my dad has taken really good care of it over the years. A friend of my dad’s got him into snowmobiling about a decade ago and once his brother bought the cabin and they fixed it up, my dad got a cheap, crappy used snowmobile, which he used for a few years before reselling it and upgrading to an actually nice, new one, because yeah, he could afford it. He’s upgraded a couple times, good for him. When I actually have the time off, I go up with him in the winter and ride one of his old ones that he kept and fixed after it had an engine problem. It doesn’t cost much to renew the trail permits each year and I borrow my uncle’s gear for riding, so other than the initial cost of the sleds, it really costs us nothing to go riding (gas is extremely negligible in snowmobiles, they can go 120+ miles on a single 8 gallon tank, and we store them ourselves at the cabin so we don’t pay for that). We store the boat in our garage at home (like I said, it’s small) so other than the permit and gas for that when we take it out, again, really no continuous expense.

My parents pay all of their taxes without trying to do any bullshit work-arounds. They don’t have a lawyer or a tax accountant or a financial advisor, my dad does it all himself. He keeps track of all of our finances himself. We don’t pay a landscaping service or a cleaning service or any of that crap, we do it all ourselves like any other middle-class family. My mom donates regularly to charities for cancer, animal rescues, and injured veterans.

But to tumblr, incapable of seeing nuance, we’re “one-percenters (absolutely nowhere near true) who own a house and have a ‘vacation home’ and a boat and recreational vehicles” so we’re pretty much just as bad as Bezos, because anyone who isn’t actively struggling to put food on the table or in horrible medical debt because of our disaster of a system is apparently “rich” and there’s no such thing as shades of gray.

#sorry that was insanely long #no one will read it though so it doesn't matter #that's why I made the read more #just needed to write down thoughts and bitch #I hate the politics on this site #so many good ideas SO badly implemented #the splitting on here is completely fucking ridiculous #and I'm really sick of seeing things that imply me or my family are evil and inherently bad for existing comfortably #and going on occasional vacations #and being able to afford the medical bills when I got a tumor and needed surgery

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brightbeautifulthings · 5 years

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Red Rising by Pierce Brown

"'I dreamed of you, I think. In the end, I suppose they'll wish I hadn't dreamed at all.'"

Rating: 2/5

Year Read: 2019

About: Darrow is a Red, part of the lowest caste in a futuristic society that has expanded throughout the solar system. Reds like him spend their lives in the mines on Mars, paving the way so that someday humans can live on the surface. However, Darrow and his people have been deceived; people have lived on the surface of Mars for decades, but they continue to exploit the Reds as little more than slaves. Hit by a devastating loss, he risks everything to do what no Red has ever done: join the ranks of the elite Golds and beat them at their own game. Trigger warnings: death, animal death, slavery, torture, rape, war, gore, body horror, graphic violence, severe injury, surgery, starvation, humiliation, trauma, grief. Mild showers of bitterness from the reviewer.

Thoughts: This seems like the kind of polarizing book that people either love or hate without a lot of middle ground. I can see why it has its fans, but I'm in the latter group. I almost quit half a dozen times, and if I hadn't been determined to get a blackout Bingo on my summer reading challenge, I'm not sure I would have finished. The constant gratuitous violence in this book, especially against women, is difficult to wade through. I read a lot of horror, but bloody war games for children isn't my style. If you read the first fifty pages and you're as angry and offended as I was, stop there. This isn't the book for you. (More on that after the spoilers mark.)

I was expecting more on the sci-fi angle since the novel initially takes place on Mars, but after the first few chapters, that pretty much fades into the background for a solid (and grim) dystopia. There's some quirky technology and a complicated hierarchy of a class system, but nothing that's especially developed in this particular novel, though there is a lot of room for expansion in the rest of the series. Most of Darrow's focus is narrowed to the "war game" he and the other Golds are playing at "school", where they each try to prove they're the best at everything to advance their future careers. It's part of what makes this book so frustrating because they're slaughtering each other for absolutely no reason; raping, torturing, and killing people isn't the point of the education, but apparently that never stopped a Gold. It's violence for the sake of violence, and I had a hard time holding on to anything else.

Darrow is barely tolerable as a narrator. His only two characteristics are Awesome at Everything and Clearly Aware of It. Some of the other characters might be interesting, but there's no sense in getting attached to anyone since, like The Walking Dead and Grey's Anatomy, almost everyone dies. The female characters, in particular, lack development or agency, with maybe one exception. (Half an exception? I'm not feeling that generous.) The writing is a little tedious, since Brown seems at pains to elevate it beyond his abilities. Darrow's beginning voice is gratingly simplistic as a lowly, uneducated Red, and the language overall is incongruously old-fashioned for a world that's supposedly futuristic. (The word "foodstuffs" fills me with irrational anger. "Food" says exactly the same thing and it's half as long, and that is the problem with this writing in a nutshell.) I emphatically won't be continuing the series. Reading descriptions for the next books, it doesn't sound like the things I had trouble with are going to improve.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

I can't care about characters who die in the first fifty pages since we're not afforded the time to get to know them, but Eo is a martyr on a pedestal even before she dies. She's the standard by which all goodness is measured, apparently, and I've rarely come across a flatter love interest. Her sole purpose is to motivate Darrow throughout the rest of the book/series, and I was outraged by her death not because it's Wrong and Reds are so Oppressed, but because yet another female character has died so that the angsty male lead can beat his chest over it. Some books are so clearly written by men for men.

#book review #red rising #pierce brown #dystopia #2/5 #rating: 2/5 #2019

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commonalex · 5 years

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Aphrodite

(press play, won't bite ya)

aphrodite by common alex

Listen/download: aphrodite by common alex

They really caught my eye by mistake. Couldn’t even make out what was really happening because of the slow daybreak; when I finished parking she was already laid down on the parking lot and this old fuck with his black-as-a-crow dyed hair and this filthy white shirt was stomping her sides. I shout till I get noticed by this dusty boned ass and his halloweeny mustache he rocks in this late September. I sprint (well, supposedly, my lungs aren’t as light as they used to) and he flinches as if he shat his pants towards a old green Citroen bumped to pieces. I swear he was this close getting his ass beat.

-You shouldn’t have done that.

-Are you… okay, lady? Hey, easy easy. No sudden moves, I got a first aid kit back at the truck.

-Oh no. No, don’t you ”lady” me.

With these dark brunette hair, this long black kimono robe tied by her waist and these thick sunglasses hiding her eyes, her age must be somewhere around fifty, maybe less. I see no blood, though, only on her bottom lip and her back from the asphalt; the rest are just bruises by hand or by shoe. I put some old band aids I found along some other (close to be expired) shit and help her to stand while being a bit scared she is way more hurt internally. But even though she stands alright there’s something about her that doesn’t seem quite right.

-Don’t scratch that, let it dry out. What about a hospital, a doctor? Is there anything like that close from here?

-What do you think, big boy?

That I made a stupid question. Why on earth would there be a hospital close to a truck station on the highway? There’s not even a restaurant around here anymore. We barely get a cup of shitty coffee along with overpriced snacks and a chance to piss with the constant risk of getting infected of something too fucked up for science to give it a name yet.

-Where’s your car?

-I don’t have a car.

-Were you brought here?

The sunglasses slowly fell from her straight lined nose for me to see her smudged eyes guiding me to the right. There really was no car. Only an abandoned gas station, a really creepy playground overgrown by weeds and grass and an old caravan, five by three meters with a blue stripe on its side. I look at her for confirmation and I walk her slow as one can go to let her sit on a cheap travel armchair right besides the open wide door of the caravan.

-I’m… Aphrodite. And you?

Her hesitation right before her name has successfully rang every single bell in existence.

-Does it matter?

She seems unbothered. Knowing my name or not is just the same to her, so to speak; as long as I don’t ask any questions about this pasty prick hitting her a few moments ago.

-Well you’re right about that. How old are you?

-Thirty-three.

-Good for you, you seem nothing like your age. You could tell me you’re twenty six, I’d believe you.

Wow, she’s really into talking, isn’t she? So much she tries to pull a second chair for me beside her. I take a sec to understand if all this a way of flirting or just an awkward compliment used instead for “thanks” because I was at the wrong place at the right moment.

-Sorry, you caught me at work. A long drive to Romania, really, and if I don’t stick to schedule they’ll come for my ass.

Still, unphased.

But she keeps on digging to me.

-Yeah, I’ve heard that a lot. I mean have you ever seen anyone that you try chatting with them and they aren’t in any rush?

Aphrodite seems kind enough to relieve me from my puzzled face by opening and closing her robe as she speaks, as if I, an engaged dude with two babies back home, am all about that shit right now. And even if I was, just by looking at her breast and legs I get a weird feeling. So I play dumb until she gets tired of trying. She doesn’t. And this woman was lying on a parking lot ten minutes ago.

-Look, I can’t help with anything else. And besides, how can I put it, I don’t really…

She catches up and cuts me off from the worst.

-What you “don’t really”. Fuck hookers or fuck trans?

I can’t stress enough how embarrassed I got between these seconds. For sure I didn’t want to put it like that, but how could I say that without saying it? I simply nodded. She seemed like she understood though. She ties her robe back and drags me to chit chat once again (because she couldn’t drag me inside that greasy caravan), beginning to unfold the story of her life. Literally. Awkward as fuck, but I’d lie if I wasn’t intrigued with her.

She said she was born in a rural town far from here, raised by her “holy as a woman can ever be” grandma Aphrodite (that’s where the name comes from)- she tells me that exact thing about three times. I’m asking for her parents and then waiting her to finish with the endless cursing towards them just so the story continues to the point she reaches fourteen years old. Right there is where she, without a warning, runs away from home to Salonika, the closest big city she could afford to start selling her body.

-I’d be lying if I ever said I didn’t get comfy with work, especially the first few clients. After the initial stress dies down you wait for the instinct of habit. I swear, you could spend a week in this job and nothing would ever surprise you anymore. You can’t imagine what kinds of filth and secrets lie outside. Kinky psychos showing up with their wedding rings on, notorious pimps spending all morning on a tv show asking “where is this country really going with all this filth“, priests. Well, you heard nothing about priests yet, I tell you that.

Aphrodite, an adult now, eventually grows far too big for Salonika and makes a trip down to Athens (as she always intended), finding only more filth and misery inside a poorly lit basement with other prostitutes. Her desperation keeps on popping up here and there for a while because she couldn’t predict things turning so damn shitty and unbearable. She stacks her money little by little and she finally gets her surgery.

-And how was thing afterwards?

-Deep inside I knew this was my time; with the body I should have had. And the best thing was that no new client could ever understand the difference, and even if he did that was the last thing he was concerned with. I was ahead of everyone else in there- all of them. But little did I care about all that, I was made for greater things. I didn’t plan to stay in that fucking basement any longer, getting fucked by the lowest of people. That’s why I got my head down and worked my ass off until I could make a name of myself, until I could make not enough money but the real money. And that was what really got the best of me in the end, I think.

She then “moves” to the biggest red light district of Athens (I mean, of course, where else could she really be, right?) and that’s the point where her story really turns sketchy. Whatever she told me to this minute might be a bit cliche, but still believable. Now she runs over all that, telling me to believe that she managed to get so big she turned to a highly paid escort for rich and powerful people like that (which I guess you could say is plausible, given that she indeed would be beautiful at some point). Just the names and zeros she dropped on the table makes me suspicious as hell. But this isn’t the end, she continues with her Mercedes car she owned and took rides with back at her grandma’s place or with how she was personally invited every time the american fleet stopped in Rhodes and Crete. Like she’s living in a goddamn movie.

-So things get really, and I mean really busy, am I right?

-It didn’t take long for magazines and tv shows for nosy people to notice me. Those were the days, I tell you. You remember the checks I used to get previously? Well you wouldn’t even imagine those. I was called the “trannie”, the “pure Satan offspring”, the “biggest mistake of the nature”- really whatever. I’m still laughing. By the time the camera was switching off everyone was begging for a photoshoot or an interview like their life depended on it. You can’t just pass this opportunity to get famous. It’s as strong as a drug. All this attention, all those lights really make you feel like you’re doing something good at last.

How much time could have passed for the sun to come out full force, burning my back like a motherfucker? I take a peek at my watch and I see it’s quarter past ten. Shit. I really should be going by now. How do I cut it out for her, hoping that she will eventually go to the doctor by herself? How do I escape her mouth from talking so slow or her eyes from following me like a predator’s?

-That’s alright and all, but...

-I know, you can’t tell right now, but everyday I was getting calls and visits from designers at my house by the shore to ask me if I would wear their shit. Yeah, I reached that peak. I mean, would you believe me if I told you I stumbled upon Dolce & Gabbana at the airport? Giving me their cards and all?

No. No I wouldn’t believe you.

-That’s all nice and dandy, Aphrodite, but something’s missing. I mean, what are you doing here? Like, for real.

You can’t make me believe she didn’t expect this to come up eventually, but here she is acting like that. Leaving sighs and staring into nothingness. Her voice even changes up a bit, gets a more serious tone to it, out of the blue.

-Do you really believe prostitutes tend to think about the future? I mean, really? Do they make plans of retirement or something? Especially the trans ones. Let me tell you, most of them can’t even think about making it to thirty, either from someone or themselves. I, personally, chickened out twice and got rescued three times, and you’re coming here telling me if I ever thought I would be here during my old days?

-With all these things you casually spill out of doing in the ‘90s you should be standing above thousands, even millions, with all of the doors wide open for you. What happened? How could you go from a house by the shore, a Mercedes and all these interviews to, you know… This?

Where, just to remind you, this is a fucked up caravan besides the highway where old fucks are coming to kick her in the neck.

-”What happened”. Like I never asked that to myself. I’m here, sitting and telling you a stuff or two about myself and you have the nerve to pull a “what happened”. What could have happened, big boy? What do you believe?

She seems really sensitive that not only I interrupted her story but in addition I questioned the lies she spices it with. Welp, what can you do, I already threw half of my morning out of the window with this one, we’re only left to see where is she going with all these delusions of her amazingly faked past. Like I have any time to spare.

-Tell me.

-It must be the place, dunno. You, for example, came here maybe for a piss stop and then back to work. And what a demanding work; holding a wheel until you don’t. But what about the whores? Whores got a body to maintain till its expiration date. After that, game over; again, if the make it there. If disgust hasn’t eaten them alive by then. If insecurities about everything starting to loosen up, or the ringing of the phone that eventually will go silent, or reaching the point of begging to keep on living cause family is not an option anymore. They go nuts, you see, they hold on from anything they can reach just to keep on feeling that all this they are going through really mattered. Just to keep on feeling like they are valued.

-So is this why you’re staying here? To feel like this matters? To get beaten up by old fucks and internally accepting it? Why don’t you ask for help?

-This is help. This old fuck is the only one that comes around and throws a penny for me to maintain myself. He’s the only one that fucks me, anyway. That’s why I’m here, for him- it’s his caravan after all. He lives about twenty minutes from here with a wife, kids and grandkids. He just likes to “get it out of his system” once every few days by fucking for free and beating me whenever I mention that I can’t do this anymore, because he is afraid that his whore isn’t loyal to him. But why am I saying all these things to you. I’m wasting my words. You still don’t believe me.

I don’t know where her truth and lies stand anymore, only that if she really lived all these things she’s a massive fool for not writing a book. I, for once, took too much of my time for all this crap. When I started heading back to the track she switched to her first ways, telling me that “I’m doing the right thing” or that the old guy with the mustache “really has a gun and doesn’t mess around”. Yeah, whatever. I get in and peep Aphrodite behind the window waiting on the chair for me to go but something inside makes it hard for me to start the truck. It’s quarter to eleven but her endless chatter seem to get my weariness going. As time passes and the truck stays still, Aphrodite eventually heads back to the caravan shutting the door behind her. I’m kinda relieved. But I’m still madly curious, what can I do? Ah, fuck it, Romania can wait a bit more. I pull out my phone and search blindly, trying to find anything at all.

Aphrodite.

Trans.

Prostitute.

‘90s.

Modeling.

Enter.

I couldn’t feel anything less than a dick at this point. It seems unreal. Not only she was legit, but she toned things down a little in her story. The photoshoots were indeed professional and stunning, while I found an interview of her on an ancient tv talk show I never really knew existed where she explains how much her life changed due to the massive exposure she got at this point. Same as today, minus the touches of time on her. But most of all happy. Really all this attention made her bloom ridiculously. Magazine covers, runways, pageants; all enough to back up not only Aphrodite's public existence but also her relations with really established and rich individuals. And all of there as cute as hell, but where did all these money go? Well, the answer lies to a more recent past, this time inside tabloid news articles.

Only three to four year ago, Aphrodite spawns once again, this time in Jerusalem (what the fuck) in order to get closer with her faith and a highly respected priest there. So damn respected that people wouldn’t stop to talk about their “secret” meetings late at night, to the point where photos and videos leak publicly. Result? These tabloid fucks smell the blood from far, far away and get to hunting the story. The priest goes public, says “sorry guys, my mistake, Satan trapped me and such, didn’t want to, sorry again, peach to all”, gets thrown away from the local church and that was pretty much the end. Aphrodite on the other hand vanishes once again up until this point, right here, on this parking lot besides the highway.

I guess that’s what she meant with that “you heard nothing about priests yet” earlier. Maybe I should have listen more carefully or see her face better in order to recognize her from all this priest thing that blew up literally everywhere back then. Either way, my curiosity stopped killing me but guilt took over me. With my route schedule gone to the shitter already, I knock her caravan door till she opens with death in her eyes. I show her the interview I found on my phone.

-It’s you, isn’t it?

-That’s really a shame, big boy. What do you do with all these truck stuff. You should be working for NASA by now.

I was wrong before. This point right here is where I can’t feel anything less than a dick.

She invited me inside and made me sit right across a really slow fan that was spinning just for the aesthetics in order to make me feel less of a sweaty pig. The caravan looks way more comfy on the inside with a massive bed and a narrow sofa but the mountains of hoarding shit and snack packaging lying around here and there do no favors. It’s a good option for holidays, but absolutely not for regularly living inside of it. Aphrodite doesn’t seem to bother with my snoopy eyes. She holds the phone with both hands while carrying the cold look. As if she doesn’t recognize herself. As if she doesn’t want to.

-When was that?

-Not sure. ‘95? Later than that? I only recall just how rude and creepy this interviewer was. He didn’t hit on me or anything like that, it’s just that he was always an ass kisser in front of you and a shit talker behind your back. I didn’t get how much crude and sarcastic he was in that interview until years later. Now that I think of that, I guess everyone were kind of the same. But these were different times, more fabulous, more sparkly, more…. Innocent? I guess innocent isn’t the right word for it.

Then I show her the article about the priest. She kinda leaves a bitter smile there. She might no look exactly happy but nevertheless she must understood that in the end I kinda cared and dug up her whole history to make it up for myself after treating her like shit. She silently accepts it, even though with her fair share of reservations this time.

-That’s the most recent I could find, there’s nothing next to that. Would you mind telling me what happened next?

-One day my head was about to explode. I couldn’t do this anymore. All I wanted was to somehow save my soul from this pit of crap I ended up, and the idea stuck to me the moment I accidentally found grandma’s cross among my stuff. That was really it. I quit the job, closed my phone and traveled to churches and monasteries, throwing money around to buy a seat next to God. Turns out I found my Devil, though.

She’s way more reserved than before. I get that all of this might still cut deep and talking about it hurts like a bitch. I tell her she doesn’t really have to say anything she doesn’t want to and I am ready to leave her alone if she asks me to. She calmed my anxious ass with a simple nod.

-And the videos?

-I leaked them. I told you prostitutes don’t think about the future. I couldn’t even think about today at this point of my life; I was really in a shitty place. The priest wanted to go big, a bishop or something like that, and to do that she had to dump me. Like I was the one flirting with him in the first place. And he was the one supporting me, so what the fuck would I do there alone? That’s where a magazine came to me, no idea of its name, put money on my hand for the footage and came back with these money, just so nothing would remind of everything that played out down there. As you’d expect, money didn’t last forever. So I got to a point where I was like “what can I do”? I could never be a beggar and I could never go back to a brothel without people laughing at me, so I went from one old friend to another until someone finally decided to help.

-Someone. Like a cunt.

-Yeah, a cunt, I don’t know. It’s better than nothing.

I ran out of words. I’m no longer curious, no longer so guilty and for sure don’t feel pity for her. I can only say “good luck” and “take care” to her as I walk out; even though neither of these hold any value for her situation. She didn’t wanna hop on the truck because she didn’t feel like she has anywhere to go. I try to make her understand that anywhere is better than this misery and abuse. She responds somewhat philosophical, telling me that who knows, maybe someone might come up on this truck stop and can actually help her. Give her money to live or anything else she needs and then taking he-...

-Aphrodite! Out! Now!

The shouting from outside got her eyes open wide, staring at the door for a good second. I never believed I could see her scared shitless.

-You shouldn’t have done that, I told you so.

-Is this him?

I didn’t need an answer to that. Her bottom lip shaking like her jaw’s about to fall gives me all the information I need. She pulls my hand from the door to stop me. Too bad I already decided my approach. I smile at her to stop her from panicking and jump out with sun hanging above me. Ten meters on the left there’s the green Citroen with one door open and a bit closer there’s the old bastard standing a bit closer with a shotgun resting in his hands. The truck is straight ahead, forty steps or so. It’s just a sprint as the worst case scenario, big deal. Either way I bet his shaky hands could even load before shooting. Ha, there it is, haven’t I told you, he dropped the fucking shotgun. Ten more steps and hello Romania. I only feel bad that I didn't have the time to greet her for the last time before I go. I yell "goodbye" as I'm running but my voice isn't coming out at all. But again how could it be heard right here, right now with all those bang bang bang bang b…

The only thing I can make out of all this noise is her screaming from the back.

-No! Oh God!

#poetryriot #24hoursopen #abstractcommunity #poetryportal #twcpoetry #writerscreed #savage-words #illustrans #recognizingthevoiceless #bitsofstarglow #electricexhibition #story #short story #prose #prose poetry #writing #dialogue #poets on tumblr

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cutiepasta-thewriter · 6 years

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Parent trap au

Peter has a semi-identical twin brother named Pierce. They have the same face but Peter has freckles and Pierce doesn't. Pierce also has dirty blond hair and Peter had chestnut brown hair. They both however have the same hazel doe eyes that held so much hope and innocence.

So they weren't perfect mirror twins but they were brothers and while Pierce was the bolder older brother he was also the dependent one. He was lost without Peter's calming presence. Peter was on the other hand lived on his twins shadow, he had no interest in changing that either.

Unfortunately when Pierce and his parents where driving to the air port there was a accident. Each of them where presumed dead and Peter he wasn't with them. The four year old was staying with his aunt and uncle because he caught the flu and couldn't go on the trip with his family.

Ironically, the family was going to cancel the trip and turn back instead because they couldn't really leave their son alone.

Their car was hit due to an officer redirecting traffic when they where making a turn around the corner. The result was not only both cars crashing but a third rear ending the first killing the Parkers on impact. The driver sandwiched in between bother cars was none other then Doctor Stephen Strange who later watched half conscious as paramedics pryed open a back door and pulled a bleeding child from the back seat.

I was impossible for the Doctor to forget the that night. He could only see the blood soaked boy being wrapped up carried off to one of the ambulances before they retrieved the mangled corpses of his family. Stephen did even know if the kid lived.

Surgery after surgery did nothing for the hotshot doctor. He had to find alternative practices in medicine. You know how that part of the story goes but what you don't know is that Stephen returned to the hospital to see what happened to the family he destroyed. He was thankful that the boy had actually survived but was shocked to find out that the boy was sent to foster care because they couldn't find a next of kin. The boy couldn't tell them either since they boy was not only mute but had amnesia. The accident had damaged the kid's brain quite a bit and while physically the boy can speak his brain can't connect the words to his mouth.

Nothing about the kid's parents could be found either. The record on them had been stripped clean, they didn't exist anymore.

So the nameless, mute, amnesiac child was staying at the hospital until they found a home for him after recovery.

The child was later adopted a few months later, by Stephen. The boy was renamed Sterling Strange. It meant valuable and pure in its modern form but its old English origins meant 'Little Star'.(Stephen read through twenty baby name books before finding the perfect match)

Stephen raised Sterling in the sanctum and was determined to teach him how to speak again and how to use ASL. Sign language was challenging since using his hands was hard for the warlock but he has Wong around to help.

Sterling knew about what happened to his family but never blamed Stephen for it. He loved his wizard dad and wouldn't change it for the world.

In New York a similar story was told as a Peter had adjusted to a life with out his parents and brother. On the anniversary of the accident his aunt and uncle cheered him up with tickets to the Stark expo. But like curse or a blessing it was attacked. Iron man himself had saved Peter's life and shielded him from the blasts. After it was all over Mr. Stark help him find his aunt and uncle.

Later that year there when financial troubles and they were faced with a hard decision. Peter was technically a foster child in the eyes of the state, mostly because they wanted him to have parents again and not just a aunt and uncle. This way May and Ben could also have a say in who Peter ended up with. They didn't want to lose their other nefew to a terrible family. Unfortunately they had to consider sending Peter to live in a different foster home for a bit until everything was sorted.

Peter was more then a little scared, he didn't want to be alone. So, in one of his weekly letters he sent to his hero Tony Stark he talked about what was wrong.

Tony unlike what you'd expect actually did read the letters. They were usually about what Lego sets the kid built or how good he did in class that day. The inventor kept the letters all over the house from his office desk to his work bench. Something about reading them always gave him the energy to go the extra mile. Heck, he even had a few of Peter's tests hung on his fridge.

So, the billionaire got involved. After many talks with the Parkers he knew they would never take money from him but they did agree to something else.

Soon enough Peter Parker became Peter Stark and May and Ben went back to working full time.

Tony learned that is wasn't going to be easy taking care of Peter.

The night of the accident Peter fever shot up quickly in his sleep. It caused a lot of damage to his respiratory system, it left Peter with bad asthma as well has a weakened immune system. There are some truly frightening times when Peter catches a cold and has a seizure. Thankfully Tony can afford the medical treatments and medications Peter needed to increase his immune response.

It was worst it of course Peter was the light of his life and he spoiled the kid as much as possible. He was a better father then his own as he watched star wars and help build robots with his son.

But then came that fateful day when the two boy where dropped off at camp. It was a camp for young upperclass geniuses. For children born and bred for greatness.

Tony cheated Peter's bag over and over again to make sure he had his inhaler. Peter watched as a bunch of kids stared as them. He hoped that no one at the camp treated him differently because of his last name. He hated being treated like some kind of celebrity by people his age because they always try to take advantage of him or talk behind his back.

On the other side of the drop off point Sterling and his father went over the rules. No magic, no fighting, no talking about magic, and play nice with the other kids. Sterling knew almost immediately that he was very different from the other kids. His robes where the first sign. In Kamar-Taj they were normal but he knew the outside world was a very different place. Stephen assured Sterling would be fine, as far as anyone could tell he was one of the foreign students from Nepal.

It was during a chess competition between cabins when the boys met. They where evenly matched the entire game until Sterling got bored and switched the rook and the bishop when no one was looking. Peter immediately called him out causing an argument.

This resulted into an all-out war between the boys. Peter would make fun of the blond's posh British accent when he was supposedly from india. Sterling believed Peter was a spoiled rich kid that couldn't take a joke.

Eventually the boys where forced to stay in a cabin together until they got along after a few too many pranks.

The boy eventually found out more and more about each other's pasts. Like that they were both adopted, they had the same birthday, and that both their parents died in a car crash. Peter admitted that he had a twin brother who died as well.

When Sterling signed/asked what he was like Peter shifted uncomfortably before saying his brother had blond hair and freckles like Sterling.

Sterling admitted that he lost his memory after the accident.

Peter thought for a moment before saying that his brother had a star shaped birth mark on the back of his neck. And upon inspection Sterling had it. Proof his bother was alive.

Sterling didn't know what to think. He wanted to know where he came from but he didn't know how to begin.

The boys came up with an admittedly stupid idea but two bottles of hair dye and a haircut later there they were.

The newly reunited twins wanted to see the other's life and this was their chance.

Sterling helped his brother learn sign language as well as how to navigate the sanctum. He also needed to tell Peter about magic and how to start using it. Thankfully, Sterling didn't know too much yet. Peter also needed to know how to speak in a British accent.

Peter laughed everytime he had to say telly instead of tv. It was also hilarious to see Sterling try to pronounce penguin.

On the other hand Peter had to teach his brother about New York and how to get around happy. He needed to make sure Rodney didn't catch on, he had the eyes of a hawk. Also Sterling needed to learn Italian since it was something he spoke exclusively with his dad and aunt when they where alone.

At the end of camp the boys had ended swapped places as they met their 'dads'.

For weeks they spent time getting to know their other parents.

Peter was in awe of the pure beauty of the sanctum and exploring the temples. Learning about relics and reading the ancient books in the library was insanely fascinating.

Sterling stared out at the city from the penthouse home. Looking down at the all the people going about their day was mesmerizeing. The city was alive and constantly moving and changing. Kamar-Taj seemed almost small in comparison.

Getting to know the fathers they had never met was another thing entirely.

Stephen worked tirelessly to help his son speak and when Peter who had no difficulty doing so did, the wizard had so much joy in his eyes.

The same went for Sterling as he had no trouble when it came to being active and had no need for an inhaler. Tony had lost hope of ever seeing his son run and play like a normal child but this was unbelievable.

Both boys felt guilty for what they where doing. They where tricking the people they cared about most and giving false hope to their guardians.

So they had to reveal themselves, the lies had to stop somewhere.

Stephen broke down when he heard the truth. He had no idea Sterling had a brother. He had not only orphaned two boys but he took one of them away. He should have tried harder to find his family. He shouldn't have separated them. He apologized over and over again as the boy hugged him. Peter didn't care what happened, he was just glad his brother had someone so caring in his life even if he wasn't in it.

"I should have help you too. He needed you more." Stephen whispered as he ran has hand through the boy's fake blond hair.

Tony had to hold back tears as he realized what this meant. He would listen to Peter's endless stories about his brother on nights he couldn't sleep or had nightmares about that night. Sometimes he really wished he could have just adopted both boys or at least have met Pierce. That way Peter could at have had someone else to grieve like he did. But to have that brother stand right in front of him m, it was a miracle. To know that Peter wasn't alone, it made things so much lighter.

"You look just like him. It's not a bad thing but I think I prefer your natural look." Tony said tears running down his face as he swiped the pale makeup off Sterling's nose so reveal a cluster of freckles underneath.

There came the time when both families had to switch their twins back but as soon as they met again the boy refused to be separated. They loved their fathers but they where brothers and they weren't going anywhere without the other.

The fathers had their hands tied so they had to work out a system.

At first the twin constantly changed houses but Stephen made a portal that linked the homes so everyone could come and go as they pleased. It resulted in what felt like one large home that didn't exist in a single place. The children got to explore a whole new world and the adults where at ease that they didn't lose theirs sons but gained another.

They co-parented like champs but Tony was still quick to spoil his twins. Stephen was still the fun dad though.

They became a happy family and yes they lived happily ever after.

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hiyo-silver · 5 years

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"What's Up You Guys It's Me, Bdenbrough!" - Revelations.

Summary: Instead of filming a video about his self discovery, Bill elects to just improve his life based on what he realizes.

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 + ao3

Taglist: @fuckboykaspbrak @thesquidliesthuman @rachi0964 @beepbeep-losers @bigbilliamdenbro @jalenrose11 @sleepygaybrough @itandstrangerthingsfanfic @boopboopbichie @peachywyatt @aizeninlefox @sockwantstodie @ahoybyeler @yooonbum @coffeekaspbrak @sedanleystanley @hazelash

Being present online has it’s perks and downfalls. He discovers a website called Tumblr. He makes an account because he hears it’s a good place to post his art. Though he gets wrapped up into some communities unknowingly. Posts about the lgbt community come up on his dash, he can’t help but like a few about being “wlw”, a girl who likes girls, but he can’t commit himself to reblog it, the posts make him smile but he doesn’t feel completely right relating to them.

One day something comes up on his dash that would change his outlook. It’s a resource page for trans men. The word binding catches his eye, it’s like what he does with the sports bras, like how they make him more comfortable. He clicks the link and it takes him to a website, apparently one that gives away free binders to boys who can’t afford to buy them.

He clicks out of it quickly, deleting it from his search history. He feels a lot of anxiety despite how this is relieving to some small part of him. He clicks another link, this one is an article that starts with explaining something called gender dysphoria. The word and definition resonate deep within his chest, his stomach drops. This feels wrong to just be openly browsing in the living room, he should be up in his room with the door closed and locked. It almost feels as bad as the time Richie tried to get him to watch some porn without headphones on.

He takes it upstairs, closing his door behind him a little harder than he meant to. He looks at himself in the mirror, pulling off the two sports bras he’s layered atop each other. He looks at himself then, chewing his lower lip in question. Gender Dysphoria.

gen·der dys·pho·ri·a /ˈjendər disˈfôrēə/ noun MEDICINE the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex.

It suddenly makes sense to him. His mind has never really been congruent with the body he’s been given. There’s nothing wrong with his body, he’s in shape, maybe even a little under what his weight should be. But this body just doesn’t feel right. Tears bubble in the corners of his eyes and he yanks the sports bras back on. He almost feels elation like he had when he cut his hair. He understands now, and he can do something about it.

He looks at his bio on tumblr, clicking the edit button on his theme without hesitation. He goes to where the pronouns lie there, “she/her”. He backspaces those, replacing them with “he/him”. He feels his heart beat fast, but it’s not bad. It feels right, refreshing.

Nothing is as amazing as the time someone makes a post about his art. Not only is he filled with joy that someone likes his creations enough, but they used the he to describe him. It feels like the opposite of the word he’d recently discovered. He feels euphoric.

He’s not ready to tell his youtube channel nor his friends or any other followers. But people on tumblr may have already noticed the change in pronouns, he may as well explain. He opens to create a post, staring at the flashing black line where his words should be, where they will be.

“Hello!

So you probably know me simply as bdenbrough. That’s my username, it’s how I go online. It’s actually based off my middle name being Billie, after my grandfather who was named William. My name I won’t say because I don’t feel very connected with it. However, if you want to call me something call me Bill, or Billy.

This isn’t meant to be an inconvenience but I want to try out he/him pronouns after some recent discoveries. Don’t worry, my posts will continue as normal, this is a personal change but nothing else really should change. Thank you for keeping up with my nonsense!”

He clicks post, watching extremely closely as it processes, the posted check mark popping up and making him let out a sigh of relief. Bill. William. It’s perfect. It’s already a part of his name, and even better it’s a tribute to his late granddad whom he’d adored.

He opens the free binders page again for the first time in days. All he has to do is give them his information. He types out his address, his full name. William Billie Denbrough. The middle name will need to change, but for now he can chuckle about it. He submits his form, smiling to himself. He know he probably won’t get one, waiting lists being longer than ever these days. But it’s a start, it’s something to look forward to.

In the future he could be comfortable, he could really be himself once he’s an adult. He can have short hair and a flat chest. He found out about something called testosterone. The word itself even makes him crave to already be 18 and on his own, and able to go on it. One day he won’t have to be this little girl that his mom has tried to cultivate. He’ll be William Denbrough, wearing men’s clothes and growing a gingery beard to balance out how he plans to shave half his head at some point. He may decide against it though, he wants to be manly, not emo.

He decides to read a bit more about binding. He has been supposedly for the past few weeks now. It’s not comfortable. It’s hard to breathe, but then his brain can breathe, it would be impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t felt it. He learns that he’s doing it unhealthily. He’s not allowed to bind while sleeping, and shouldn’t when exercising. He doesn’t really plan to stop, though until he reads the risks.

Rib bruising, lung contraction, chest deformities. And even the chance that they cannot successfully go through top surgery. This one hits him like a brick, he needs to work harder at actually taking care of himself.

#it novel #it stephen king #it fanfic #it stephen king fanfic #it stephen king fic #my fics #it bill #bill denbrough #it bill denbrough #it movie 2017 #bdenbrough au

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jordan202 · 6 years

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My Boys: Beyond the Horizon - Chapter 9

Thanks @jia911 for taking her time off her busy schedule to help me out!

Previous chapters are HERE.

My Boys: Beyond the Horizon – Chapter Nine

“Did Mom really cook those?”

Owen laughed when he heard the incredulity on Danny’s voice through the phone on the kitchen table. They were having the planned family dinner on that stormy Monday night and since the twins were away at school, Thomas had had the excellent idea to call them just as the family sat down to eat.

“I did and I can prove it,” Amelia flashed her son a smile, proudly showing off a perfectly grilled portion of salmon on her plate. “Dad just made it home so you guys can’t say I am lying. I did it.”

“I bet it was Meg who did it,” Robbie playfully nudged Danny’s shoulder with his own so he could fit in the tiny screen too. Everyone knew that aside from their father, the youngest child of the house was the only one who could successfully scrape together a recipe.

“How dare you,” Amelia replied with mock outrage, but she had to hide her smile behind the fork not to be caught so easily.

The way Megan and Owen chuckled in unison pretty much confirmed Robbie’s suspicions.

“I did everything, mom only set on the stove,” Megan confessed with a wide smile.

“Which is, of course, the most important part,” Amelia defended herself with an aura of dignity.

“No, the most important part is the part when we eat,” Lucas corrected her, reaching out for his portion. “Hey, you two dorks, are you guys making it this weekend?”

“Yeah, we are looking forward to it,” Danny answered while Robbie agreed with excitement. “We have to stay until Friday night but we’ll try to be free as soon as possible.”

Since Lucas had his first official game with the Seattle Sounders in the upcoming weekend, he had been adamant about having the whole family there. Robbie and Danny were currently living at a five hour flight distance and aware of their brothers’ difficulty to make it to the city and back in a single weekend, Lucas had decided to charter a private aircraft to pick up and later take his brothers so they could make it in time without it being too exhausting on them.

“I can’t wait to see you two,” Amelia added with a smile.

“Hey, is it okay if we bring a friend?” Danny tried to sound casual but the reddish look on his face didn’t go unnoticed.

“It depends,” Lucas asked after swallowing his food. Once he noticed the look on his brother’s face, he teased, “is she single?”

“He is kind of hoping she won’t be single anymore by then,” Robbie answered playfully.

As he heard Megan stealing the phone from Lucas’ hand to immediately start a lighthearted questionnaire on Danny’s possible date, Owen looked around and saw that while Amelia and Robbie laughed at Lucas and Megan’s quarrel and Danny’s predicament, Thomas remained in silence, observing the situation with a distant smile on his lips.

He waited until everyone was pretty much done with their meal and the twins said their goodbye following the strict hours at Westpoint to finally take action on what he’d been planning to do since the week before.

“Hey buddy, can you help me with the dishes?” he looked into his son’s eyes. “Mom and Meg already cooked,” he said in a convincing manner and then looked at his eldest son. “Can you take Peanut for a walk tonight? We’ll wait for you to have dessert.”

Lucas didn’t know how, but he understood the message that he wasn’t supposed to rush Thomas to go home or even offer to help wash the plates. With a head nod, he went outside followed by his mother and sister, eager to see the family’s loyal Golden Retriever.

“Kepner said you handled a hypertensive pneumothorax on your own today,” Owen started the conversation as soon as he and his son started arranging the dishes on the washer. “That’s pretty impressive,” he added, hoping for a positive start.

“Thanks,” Thomas shyly smiled. He’d been so used to not getting any positive feedback for the past weeks that the comment cheered him up a little.

“She said that if you had waited thirty seconds longer the guy would have most likely not made it,” Owen went on. Kepner had told him that the ER had been hit with a large number of casualties following a bus crash and by the time a supposedly low risk patient had started showing signs of instability, Thomas was the one in the room with him suturing the guy’s forehead. On the seconds it’d taken her to leave one critical case to answer the code call, the trauma surgeon had found the intern already decompressing the chest. “Not everyone would have the guts to make the call,” the chief of surgery admitted. “Especially after the rough few weeks you’ve been having. So… it was a great thing what you did.”

Thomas stopped stacking the plates and looked up to meet his fathers’ eyes.

“It’s fine, dad,” he shrugged. “It felt amazing to do it and I’m glad I had the opportunity to. I am just glad the guy made it through. He works delivering pizzas at night so he can go to school during the day. It wasn’t his time to go yet.” Thomas affirmed with conviction.

“Tom,” Owen stopped him from going back to the task his son had set to perform. Seeing he had the young guy’s attention, the surgeon proceeded, “how have you been?”

The intern seemed to think about his answer for a moment before he finally started to talk.

“Okay, I guess.”

Owen wasn’t convinced.

“I know the hours are long and…”

“They are long for everyone,” Thomas said, hoping to sound positive. “It’s a part of the job, right?”

“Why didn’t you update your charts?” Owen completely gave up on doing the dishes and looked his son into his eyes while serenely asking the question. He hoped not to sound judgmental.

Thomas hesitated, visibly uncomfortable.

“Dad, should we really be talking about this?”

“I am not asking you as your boss,” Owen assured him with security. “I am asking as your father. Nothing we discuss here will ever make it to the hospital. I promise.”

Owen had a pretty good feeling about what was happening, but he wanted to hear it from Thomas. The intern struggled a little while longer before finally admitting.

“Brown told us we weren’t supposed to do it,” Thomas admitted after long seconds. His resident wasn’t exactly the most inspiring teacher for them but they were still her subordinates and hoping to stay out of trouble with his immediate boss, Thomas had done what he’d been instructed. “She said that if we took care of pre and post ops, she would take care of the charts,” he shared, visibly embarrassed. “A few times I tried to argue that it was better that we wrote our own because we were the ones actually doing things, but she had us pick up her coffee and run labs saying she would do it and we should just focus on the tasks she gave us. I figured she just preferred to sit down and do the easy work,” he confessed. “I had no idea she was just using us to do her obligations and spending all those hours in the OR the entire time.”

Owen took a deep breath, believing every word his son had shared. Just like he suspected, Brown had failed her interns but it still didn’t mean they weren’t responsible for breaking a rule.

“Don’t beat yourself up about this,” Owen held his shoulder with his hand and looked deeply into his son’s eyes. “It was a naïve move and you fell for it, but the time to fall for it is now,” he wisely pointed out. “This is a job where most of the time we can’t afford to make mistakes, but we are not machines and we will make mistakes,” his role as father spoke louder than his role as chief when Owen added the words, “what you did wasn’t right, but it wasn’t the end of the world either. You learn from it and that’s it. Next time, you won’t swap your obligations just because it’s more convenient for someone else. I know it sounds scary, but sometimes it’s important to stand up to your resident and challenge them too, okay? They are not the infinite source of knowledge they think they are and remember that just a year ago, they were standing exactly where you are. You didn’t know better. They should.”

Thomas took in his father’s words and nodded positively, accepting them.

“I just thought…” he struggled. “I thought that this was one of those things we learn in med school but do differently in real life, you know?” Thomas confessed. “She spoke so comfortably about it that I figured it was probably one of those things they tell you that you absolutely can’t do but just as standard protocol… Kind of like having a cell phone inside the OR. Everyone does it, even though it’s not right.”

Owen chuckled, fully understanding what he meant.

“I know you’re at some awful crossroads, Tom,” he sighed heavily, feeling sorry that his son was paying the price for it. “I know you’re hesitating to come to me or Mom when you have questions or doubts because you think this will make up for special treatment or put you in a different position than your peers but just keep in mind that before being your boss, I am your father, okay?” Owen held the back of his son’s head, making sure he was listening. “I am your dad and I am always here for you if you have something on your mind.”

Thomas seemed touched by the words because his eyes sparkled with what his father considered to be unshed tears. The boy just looked exhausted and it broke Owen’s heart.

“I know it’s overwhelming sometimes,” the surgeon added. “But it helps to talk,” he shared the truth he’d learned by experience. “Mom and I are here for you,” the chief of surgery gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder before crouching down to the dishwasher again. “Always.”

Thomas heard the words of support and nodded his head with a shy smile, unable to find the right words to express his gratitude.

Owen kept silence for the following minutes, waiting for his son to process everything he was saying. He knew just how much pressure Thomas put on himself. It had always been like that, ever since he was a young boy. Even though he was particularly brilliant, Tom had always set high goals and didn’t stop until he got what he wanted. Owen admired his resilience, but just like his wife had wisely pointed out, Thomas wasn’t used to failing. And right now, looking at the way things were going in his life, it seemed like his son wasn’t in control of a lot of things. Owen could only imagine how much that was setting him off.

“I know you’ll think I’m on your back today,” Owen started out, knowing the following subject would most likely make his son even more uncomfortable, “but I think it’s past time we talk about what happened between you and Kate.”

Owen paused his speech, expectantly. This was a side of Thomas he could relate to, because to him, talking about his feelings and opening up had always been a challenge. He really admired people like his wife who, even though sometimes couldn’t quite understand what they were feeling, did a much better job at expressing their emotions than he did. And much to his own dismay, unlike his oldest brother, Thomas hadn’t taken after his mother in that regard.

“I wish I had a concrete story to tell you,” Thomas admitted after long seconds. Owen noticed that despite his son’s will to hold it together, the subject messed with him. The trauma surgeon wasn’t surprised. “But I try to look back and even I can’t make sense of it.”

Since at that point the dishes were already properly washed, Owen pulled another dishcloth from one of the drawers and handed it to Thomas, knowing by his own experience it would probably help him talk if he had his hands busy with something.

“Well, you know… Just like learning how to perform an appendectomy, talking about these things require practice…” Owen smiled, hoping to sound convincing. “So, how about we take it from the start?”

Megan said goodbye to Claire and Marianne in the cafeteria, hurrying to her afternoon class. Her music course was about to begin and despite engaged in a conversation with her friends, Megan didn’t want to be late. Even though Marianne was still pretty upset over the heartbreak she had experienced, she had been doing better for the past week. Megan was particularly determined to cheer her up. Even though they shared most of their classes, twice a week the teenage girl enjoyed her alone time in music class, something her two friends weren’t very fond of.

Ever since she was little, Megan had always been enthusiastic about music. She supposed it was something her father had passed onto her and her twin brothers. While they were still in school, Robbie and Danny had also been a part of the arts program and just like their sister, they’d done it mostly for their own entertainment. Megan knew she didn’t want to pursue a career in arts, but those two afternoons a week were like an outlet, a place where she could be away from the academics obligations and simply have fun enjoying one of her favorites hobbies in school.

Megan particularly liked to sing and while she knew she was no Celine Dion, the girl had also been given some pretty amusing compliments on her voice over the years. Looking forward to making the most of one her favorite classes in her senior year, the girl walked into the well-known room, spotting many familiar faces that greeted her with warm smiles.

And much to Megan’s dismay, a not so friendly companion stared right back at her as she entered the room.

Almost instantly, her smile vanished and she lost most of her previous excitement.

“What’s he doing here?” the girl grumpily asked a classmate, who shrugged her shoulders in response.

Before Megan could say anything else, their teacher walked in with her usual punctuality. Megan tried not to pay any more attention to JD Callaghan and focus instead on the warm welcomes by Mrs. Julian but for some reason, anger was already building up inside her at the mere sight of that annoying guy and just how bored he seemed.

As the teacher kindly welcomed everyone back and asked if they’d practiced over the summer, Megan couldn’t help but wonder what in the world JD was doing there. She would never think of him as someone who enjoyed music. In fact, it was hard to associate him with enjoying anything at all, mostly because he usually looked absolutely annoyed in most situations she’d seen him in.

Belatedly realizing she’d failed on her resolution not to divert his attention to the most obnoxious human being she’d ever met, Megan looked back at Mrs. Julian, being greeted by the smile of the short teacher with a powerful voice and large glasses that made her eyesight as sharp as her hearing.

“It’s good to see you have all returned for what I hope is a year of growth,” Mrs Julian warmly saluted her students. Most of them she was already familiar with, with the exception of a couple of freshmen and the boy with dark hair sitting alone in the back. “You must be JD Callaghan,” she supposed, after a quick look on her sheet. “Why don’t you come a little closer? I promise you we won’t bite,” the cheerful old lady proposed with a kind tone.

JD looked around and noticed all pairs of eyes were on him. There were about fifteen others students and everyone was engaged in conversation, except for him. He had no desire to be there, but after being forced by his coach with the risk of losing his position in the football team, the teenage boy had invariably wound up in that classroom.

Without any other choice but to approach the group, JD sunk in a chair beside the excited duo of freshmen who seemed to only giggle about anything that was said.

“Today’s class will be all about introductions, so I want you all to say your name out loud and then I am going to hand out these sheets with questions… You can think of them as a music survey that will help me guide you through the course,” Mrs. Julian informed them, already giving each student a sheet of paper.

As introductions were over, JD furrowed his brown heavily as he read the first line on the questionnaire.

Do you play any musical instruments or sing? If yes, which ones and for how long?

No.

Have you ever taken any music classes?

No.

Would you rather perform on an instrument or sing for the class, (solo or with a classmate)?

Neither.

What is your favorite musical genre?

I don’t have a favorite.

After ten minutes, the teacher collected the papers and suspiciously looked over at her students as she read some of the answers.

“JD,” she started, studying him meticulously. “Your answers were not very informative,” she opted for a lighter approach, thinking about the best way to engage the new student. “Judging by what you wrote here, I wouldn’t have a reason to think you’re interested in music,” Mrs. Julian added, hoping for some kind of response but the teenage boy simply sustained eye contact with her, without saying a word. “Did you discuss this decision with your football coach or…?”

JD picked up on the clue that she was offering him the opportunity to explain himself and purposefully replied as evasive as possible.

“He found a guitar in my car and assumed I was interested in music,” the boy shared, not really impressed by the deduction. “He told me I either enrolled in this class or was out of the team, so here I am.”

JD failed to add that the decision to bribe him into joining an arts program had come after the coach had decided he had anger issues and therefore needed something to channel his energy with. Football clearly wasn’t enough, because according to the man himself, JD was resorting to excessive force and therefore needed some other way to clear out that energy.

“Well, if you are interested in learning how to play the guitar, we can help you with that,” Mrs. Julian tried to sound encouraging, well aware that she wasn’t going to win the boy over in one day. Knowing that patience was the best approach, the teacher went on to once again engage the students in a group game, watching as most of them seemed to have fun with the activity.

After noticing they only had ten minutes before the bell rang, the teacher quickly scribbled some notes in her pad. To the students, the activities they’d performed that afternoon might have felt like a game, but to her it was rich material of observation. With many years of experience, it wasn’t hard for Mrs. Julian to figure out how to proceed.

“Okay, so I saw your answers and I think I have figured out what most of your interests are,” she cheerfully gave the class feedback. “I think for starters we would highly benefit if we could split the class in small groups and the most experienced students can help the new ones. Soon enough, everyone would be on a more leveled position and we can move forward as a group,” Mrs. Julian proposed wisely, looking at each student in the face. “Jack, you’re with Sean and Andrew,” she once again took note on her pad. “Sam and Barbara can train those high pitch notes together,” she winked at them, knowing the suggestion would please both girls. “JD, I think you’d benefit from getting some tips from Megan,” the teacher quickly turned around. “Brian, what do you think about having Tess and…?”

“Excuse, Mrs. Julian?”

Megan was shocked to hear that the same words she was about to say had already been spoken. Her surprise – and outrage – to be chosen as JD’s partner had promptly invoked her to raise her hand and protest it, but he had been quicker on the initiative to ask for the teacher’s attention.

“Yes, JD?” Mrs. Julian didn’t seem bothered with the interruption.

“Can I please switch partners?”

Megan later figured she shouldn’t be that much surprised, but at the moment, she was shocked. The girl had several reasons not to want JD as her partner, but he really couldn’t be serious.

Everyone else around them seemed to feel the same, unable to figure out why the guy would want to ditch Megan Hunt as his partner. Not only was she the best student in class, she was also friendly, kind and very generous. Many of the students there had benefited from Megan’s aid once or twice during the previous year. One would have to be a fool to…

“May I ask just why you feel like you need a new partner?” Mrs. Julian asked, finding the situation just as surprising. Megan Hunt was one of the best students and everyone in school seemed to like her. It was clear that JD Callaghan was having a hard time adjusting to the new school and judging by everything she knew about Megan, it was obvious there was no better person to help him fit in. Mrs. Julian had seen her do it to quite a few students before and it hadn’t been a coincidence that she’d paired them together.

“Sure,” JD replied unaffectedly, looking into the teacher’s eyes. “For starters, I really think I wouldn’t appreciate the company of someone who is rude, arrogant and absolutely disagreeable.”

“What?!”

Only when she heard the words Megan realized she had been the one to say them.

But despite her tone of outrage and obvious fury, JD simply glanced over his shoulder, looked at her and without a word looked back at the teacher.

“So, can I please be on someone else’s team?”

“Hmm…” Mrs. Julian had been caught off guard but following her peaceful nature, she tried to resolve the situation in the best way she could think of. “It really surprises me that you have that opinion of Megan, JD,” the teacher said, being supported by the other students in class. “I really think you are not being very fair to her.”

“Well, I am not interested in being his partner either,” Megan interfered. The flushed look on her face showed how enraged she was, contrasting with the easy, calm manners JD was showing. That infuriated Megan even more. “Why would I want to be near someone who has his head too high up his ass to actually be a decent human being?”

Mrs. Julian was left in shock. Never before had she seen one of her favorite students acting so emotional. But to her surprise, the nasty comment was enough to make the problematic student on her left actually laugh.

“See, she is a bully,” JD added, as if proving a point, even though a smile still lingered on his lips. “I don’t want her near me.”

“You are the worst kind of human being!” Megan abruptly stood up. How could he call her a bully? She was absolutely against any kind of discrimination and did her very best to make sure everyone could fit in, no matter how different they seemed at first glance! She was even…

“Enough!” Mrs. Julian cut the discussion off, using a harsher tone than she was used to.

Megan figured things had gotten a little out of control when she realized she was the only one in the classroom standing up. More than a dozen students had their eyes fixated on her, most of them holding her breath. Hoping she would just be left alone, the girl slowly took her seat back, taking deep breaths to regain control, absolutely embarrassed by her impolite display of wrath.

Much to her dismay, Mrs. Julian spent the last five minutes of class finishing dividing the class and handing out assignments. When inquired about it once again if Megan and JD could change their partners, the teacher simply said that the assignment was given and if they didn’t work together, it would reflect on their grades.

Megan felt personally offended and unjustly attacked, considering how much she looked up to the teacher and imagined that somehow, Mrs. Julian would have her back. Even though it’d become clear the teacher didn’t agree with JD’s nasty accusation, she hadn’t given Megan the way out she wanted, but rather insisted that she stayed partners with a person who obviously didn’t like her.

As she walked out of class, Megan thought about it and wondered if the anger and sadness she felt was really only about her teacher or the injustice of the situation. Today, she had been accused of things she knew in her heart she wasn’t, and yet she’d felt powerless in face of the situation. Megan knew she was well liked in school but it didn’t mean she was always right about everything. Sure, she had her own opinions and lived up to her ideals, but she respected what others think and felt too. It wasn’t often that she was antagonized but in the few times it had happened, Megan had dealt relatively well with it, because she genuinely respected that people could think and feel differently.

Yet now… it just had felt too personal. As if she had been rejected. The girl had never been so straightforwardly accused of anything like that and she had to admit, it bothered her.

She was just being silly, Megan told herself. Who cared what JD Callaghan thought of her? Even if he’d accused her of a bunch of lies, she shouldn’t mind it one bit. He was a jerk and he’d proven it many times over.

And yet, when Megan saw him walking down the empty school hallway alone, her feet acted faster than her mind could control.

“I really cannot believe you,” she stood up to him, wondering why lately that seemed to have become a habit. “What is wrong with you?”

JD stopped walking, quickly noticing how worked up the girl still seemed to be. For the first time since he could remember, she wasn’t surrounded by a large group of friends.

“You are very annoying,” he declared with a sigh of impatience. “I have football practice, can you please let me pass?”

“No!” Megan irrationally stood in the way, failing to realize he was at least ten inches taller and much wider and therefore could easily force his way through should he wish it. “You are staying right here and telling me what that little scene of yours was all about.”

“Oh, wow,” JD faked surprised. “Not only are you annoying, you’re also bossy as hell,” he added, discreetly leaning over her. “You are way too small to be this nasty. Move, you’re standing in the way.”

“Will you stop accusing me of things?” she chided, determined not to move an inch backwards even though he had approached her.

For the first time, Megan was looking straight into his eyes without any distractions and she couldn’t help noticing how strangely green they were. Not the kind of green that sometimes looked like blue, or the hazel kind with some brownish strands. But rather, a shade of green so bright and vibrant that made his eyes look like emeralds.

“You mean stop saying things about you without even knowing you like you did to me when you called me out in front of everyone last week?”

Megan opened her mouth to reply but the way he’d put the situation left her without arguments to defend herself. JD seemed to have sensed he somehow got through to her, because the guy smiled with the corner of his lips before adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder.

“Can you get out of the way now?” he asked, still noticing how pensive she looked. Had any of the guys done a third of what that bratty girl was doing, JD would have long before shoved them out of the way. He wondered why that hothead was able to amuse him at the same time she annoyed him. And he didn’t even like her.

“I am not a bully,” Megan childishly pointed out.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” she furrowed her brows, thinking she was being set up.

“If you say so, I believe you,” he pulled the strap of his bag, shifting it to his other shoulder.

“Really?” Megan frowned heavily.

“No,” JD smiled widely and for the first time, Megan thought he was actually being friendly. He looked straight into her eyes and added, looking more amused than she’d ever seen him be. “But I am kind of hoping you prove me wrong.”

Megan’s initial reaction was to feel flattered but she quickly regained her senses.

“Well, I don’t have to prove anything to you,” the girl folded her arms in front of her body, regaining control of the situation.

“No, you don’t,” JD agreed with a head nod, and once again Megan noticed he meant it. “Still, it would be nice if you did.”

Megan didn’t know exactly what to answer to that, so she settled for finally stepping out of the way.

JD looked at her one last time before stepping ahead but Megan’s question made him turn on his heel again.

“Were you really forced to join music class?” the girl didn’t notice her face looked more intrigued and confused than she would like to let it show.

“Yes,” JD affirmed with conviction, making eye contact with her.

“Why?” she unceremoniously asked, unaware of the confusion on her face.

“According to the coach, I have been using excessive force,” JD shrugged, uninterested. “But it was for a good cause.”

“How can any kind of excessive force be for a good cause?” she widened her eyes, still unable to believe him.

“Because that boyfriend of yours is a softie and he is going to cost us the season if he doesn’t lose his fear to be tackled,” JD calmly explained, unaffected by Megan’s horrified expression. “Yeah, the coach doesn’t want to admit that your precious Aaron despite having a good arm, isn’t exactly reliable when it comes to facing a tough opponent. The coach is failing to see that. But our opponents aren’t. They are going for him and when they do, it’s going to hurt way more than when I tackled him in practice yesterday.”

“So, is that how you justify your horrible manners?” Megan ironically asked, making sure to show her disapproval. “You hurt him, but it was for a greater cause?”

“Exactly.”

She still couldn’t believe how absolutely obnoxious he was when JD resumed his way, apparently not bothered by the situation he’d just exposed.

Megan was then suddenly reminded of a comment her twin brothers had made on the day they’d joined her to watch the school’s football practice. At the time, she had been reluctant to believe it, but maybe it was true that Aaron didn’t like taking hits.

Well, who did, she asked herself. Football was a very physical game and players were constantly being tackled. As long as Aaron did his job well – and he did – there was no reason for anyone to be on his back like that. JD was probably just being the jerk he always was, because it felt like whatever he set out to do, he eventually ended up hurting someone.

The realization scared Megan more than she would care to admit and the girl strode the hallways, ready to go home. If there was one thing she knew she wasn’t at risk for, it was being hurt by JD Callaghan. That whole music partners scenario was too cliché to be true and it annoyed her too much. She simply had no patience for it and it was better for everyone if they simply found a way to go make Mrs. Julian change her mind. JD’s rough manners and uncaring personality didn’t bother her so much at the moment though, because her biggest concern was exactly what it would take to make sure they never had to speak to each other, ever again.

–

thank you guys!

#omelia #owen hunt #amelia shepherd #myboys #myboysfanfiction #greysanatomy #omeliafics #omeliafanfics #omeliafic #omelia fanfic #amenff

31 notes · View notes

lalka-laski · 3 years

Text

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? There are so many reasons why that’s an absolute NOPE.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Hell nah

3. Have you taken someone’s virginity? Supposedly

4. Is trust a big issue for you? If anything I am TOO trusting. So it’s an issue for me, just not in the conventional sense.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? We live together & spend almost every waking/non-working moment together. And surprisingly never get sick of each other!

6. What are you excited for? Mexican & margs tonight with my ladies! Also, I’m getting my latest Starbucks addiction when I get out of work: iced oat milk brown sugar shaken espresso. SO GOOD!

7. What happened tonight? Tonight hasn’t happened yet. But see above for my plans^

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I’d be the biggest hypocrite of all hypocrites if I thought that...HA

9. Is confidence cute? Absolutely. But sometimes I find it off-putting just because I’m salty & jealous that *I* can’t feel that way about myself.

10. What is the last beverage you had? Ginger & turmeric tea

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 2-3ish

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? It’s what I’m wearing right now

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? That’s tonight

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Food & drinks tonight 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Sure am

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yeah

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Glenn, my sisters, my best friends

18. The last time you felt broken? I had a really bad depressive episode a month or so ago. It was awful.

19. Have you had sex today? Nope

20. Are you starting to realize anything? Uhh... 21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah, all things considered. I don’t have much to complain about!

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No thank you

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes, although his are more blue and mine are more green.

24. What do you want right this second? My Starbucks drink! And maybe a breakfast sammy while I’m at it.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Oh I would LOSE MY ENTIRE MIND. Good thing that’ll never happen.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Nah, I dye it significantly lighter.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nah

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A Tiktok that Nat just sent me

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Most of the time, yes.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Considering I live with him & am engaged to him, I’d hope not!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Ha see above

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Nah, I wish though. I love sugary drinks.

34. Listening to? Just my desk fan

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Never

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? He’s home

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really

38. Who did you last call? Kathleen

39. Who was the last person you danced with? Glenn

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? 'Cause I was leaving for the morning & saying goodbye

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? It’s been a minute. I’m not much of a cupcake person.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No, I won’t see them

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? I embarrass myself in front of EVERYONE

44. Do you tan in the nude? I don’t tan, period.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No way

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No, I went in the bedroom hours earlier than Glenn & just passed out cold.

47. Who was the last person to call you? Grubhub, lol

48. Do you sing in the shower? Mhm

49. Do you dance in the car? Totally

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes actually

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? It’s been awhile. But HOPEFULLY we will take our engagement pics soon.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? They can be, but it’s part of the fun.

53. Is Christmas stressful? It is but it’s an acceptable kind of stress. For me, anyways.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? BITCH DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry or dutch apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Author & illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Mhm

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Frequently

59. Take a vitamin daily? Yep

60. Wear slippers? Sometimes, but most of the time I prefer to just be barefoot

61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes. I have a few really cute ones that I should wear more.

62. What do you wear to bed? Usually just an oversized tee shirt or night-gown. No pants

63. First concert? Teddy Geiger

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? I guess I’d choose Target but I’m not gonna lie. I love walking around a Walmart. Everyone makes fun of me but I don’t care! Plus, you can get some really great deals.

65. Nike or Adidas? No preference

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos ALL DAY

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I really like the song Paper Rings from Lover. 69. Ever take dance lessons? Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? He’s an acupuncturist

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yep

72. Ever won a spelling bee? I’ve never been in one. I feel like I should’ve been though? So that’s kinda bogus!

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Oh OFTEN!

74. What is your favorite book? I couldn’t possibly just choose one.

75. Do you study better with or without music? Without. Or maybe occasionally something instrumental but even that can distract me

76. Regularly burn incense? Nah, I hate the scent & all incense smells the same to me.

77. Ever been in love? Yep, currently

78. Who would you like to see in concert? The Killers (again)

79. What was the last concert you saw? Mat Kearney

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot

81. Tea or coffee? Both!

82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip or oatmeal! (NO raisins, though)

83. Can you swim well? Decently. I kinda wanna take lessons to learn some actual strokes though

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yep

85. Are you patient? Quite the opposite 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? We are leaning towards a DJ just for cost’s sake but I’d LOVE a live band. I’d actually love to have Janine’s band play my reception but she will have too many bridesmaid duties that day- dang it!

87. Ever won a contest? Mhm

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No but I have a list of work I’d like done if I could ever afford it

89. Which are better black or green olives? I don’t like either

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Do you boo!

91. Best room for a fireplace? The living room.

92. Do you want to get married? We intend to :)

0 notes

fae-fucker · 6 years

Text

Zenith: Chapter 6

We get some more hints about Dex’s and Andi’s past together.

Their last meeting hadn’t exactly gone over well, what with the whole, Andi soaring away with Dex’s ship, leaving him bleeding and dying on a fire moon thing.

Who edited this?

Update: Someone finally did, it seems, because this has been updated to:

Their last moments together hadn’t exactly gone well, what with the whole “Andi soaring away with Dex’ s ship, leaving him bleeding and dying on a barren moon” thing.

So uh. Better, I guess.

As with any shitty book with a STRONK FEMAIL CHARAKTOR, we must -- MUST -- wank on about how fucking amazing and hot she is, because she can’t just be brutal and off-putting and human, she has to be HOT while she’s doing physically exhausting shit that can both get bloody and sweaty, so let’s take a look at this garbage, shall we?

Godstars, she was magnificent, a creature that deserved to release her wrath on the world. It would be worth every drop of blood about to be shed to bring her to Cyprian’s feet.

So she’s so cool that ... she deserves to murder people, just because how cool she is? And capturing her is totes worth letting people get murdered?

I would maybe understand it if she was a massive threat to all intergalactic civilization and that throwing armies at her is the smaller price to pay, but she’s just one schmuck who does petty smuggling and escort jobs. Or does Dex just want his ex back and he’s ready to let people die for it? Because these are just space cops she’s killing and he’s ready to sacrifice, they’re just dudes doing their jobs.

What the fuck am I reading.

Update: This has been changed to:

Godstars, she was magnificent; a creature who had released her wrath on the world. It would be worth every drop of blood about to be shed to be the one who finally brought her to the general’s feet.

Oh, so now she already has released her wrath on the world, regardless of whether or not she deserved to?

So Dex is happy to let other people die for him just so he can brag about capturing his ex?

I’m glad we cleared that up. What a guy.

He hadn’t seen her in years, but he’d heard the rumors. He hadn’t truly known if she truly could wield those weapons with the a glory and grace that drew blood and split bones.

Why was he even questioning this? He’s been bragging about how he’s trained her and taught her everything she knows, and now he’s wondering if she could wield her own weapons?

Is Dex an idiot?

*looks at art* Forget I asked.

Gone was the girl young woman he’d once known, that shivering thing he’d found bruised and broken in the wilderness of Adhira in the markets of Uulveca.

In her place stood the warrior he’d trained and hardened and turned into something devilishly delicious.

He Dex reached for his gun as the Bloody Baroness attacked.

Devilishly. Delicious.

Shinsay. “Bloody Baroness” isn’t intimidating, alright? It’s not scary. Please stop this nonsense.

Andi and Dex have themselves a fight. Well, Andi kills a buncha dudes (+10 points to Gryffindor, Sasha managed to do what her hero SJM couldn’t, and that’s having her killer character actually kill someone on-screen) and Dex just kinda stands around in the background thinking about how hot she is.

We get a pointless POV switch.

The world slowed, but Andi moved like a flash of light.

Uh-huh.

“Take out her crew!” Dex shouted. “I want her alive.”

“Take them out!” Dex shouted. “Save Androma for me.”

His words sent a spike of rage straight to through Andi’s heart.

Spike of rage.

A ball of white light shot past Andi’s shoulder. An enemy was blasted backward, already a corpse as he slammed into the door frame.

“Oh, that was a good shot,” Gilly said, giggling and brandishing her double-trigger gun.

Weren’t you just weeping and losing your shit four seconds ago?

I’m loving this mood dissonance.

“I want the floor stained with their blood!” Andi yelled to her crew above the chaos.

This book is sending a blade of edge into my heart, I’ll tell ya that.

Update: If any of you were wondering where this comes from, this sequence has been updated to include Breck and her BULLETPROOF SKIN. The girls hide behind her and there’s emphasis on how USELESS the bullets are, because apparently these Patrolmen not only have Stormtrooper aim, they also haven’t heard of the concept of surrounding their target or moving a little bit to the side to get an angle on it. Or maybe Breck also has the ability to expand her physical form and encase her crewmates like a living hamster ball.

Hey Shinsay. This doesn’t in any way justify your characters using swords and fists and whips in a fight. If anything, it just draws more attention to how fiking stupid it is.

If you’re wondering how the fuck Andi survives this fight without being blown to bits while using katanas against dudes with guns, here’s where I admit and brag about the fact that I totally predicted that she’d deflect or slice through bullets, which yes, she actually does that.

Andi lashed out as a Patrolman shot at her, her sword barely cutting through the bullet before it could hammer itself into her throat.

You know, you’d think that Sasha, who supposedly reads a lot, would be aware of dumb shit like this and know not to do it, but alas.

This might work in anime or video games, but try to avoid this kind of garbage nonsense when you’re writing, because it’s so dumb that it takes the reader out of the experience. Unless you’re writing a comedy, just ... if you have someone slice through bullets, please reconsider.

Usually I’m not one to tell people not to do something, especially when it comes to writing, but sometimes you just gotta take a step back and look at the sins of humanity.

Also ... and I don’t know shit about physics, but if Andi has enough strength to cut through a fired bullet and her sword withstands this process without breaking, and the bullet clearly isn’t deflected but cut through, meaning its momentum is still carrying it forward and the impact of the sword didn’t slow it down, Andi just made two fucking bullets, or one bullet with its butt cut off.

She didn’t even deflect the thing.

She should be dead.

Oh my god.

Update: She now deflects the bullets with the cuffs on her wrists that “protect” her burned skin. So that’s why they were written in! This smells very much of Wonder Woman but it’s better than SLICING BULLETS IN HALF.

Seriously, Shinsay, did you read my snark? You’ve edited out all the best bits that I’ve complained about while leaving the bland and boring garbage intact. Why didn’t you hire ME as your editor? I could’ve made this GOOD. Or at least passable. But I’d charge you more than you could afford, because I’d have to rewrite the whole book for you.

“What’ s wrong, Dex? You don’t want to come out and play with me?” Andi said, her voice a dangerous purr.

Dex chuckled, his mahogany hair falling across one brown eye as he stepped forth to meet her gaze. “You were always one for theatrics, Androma. My little bitter ballerina.”

Dex’s hair color has been changed from “midnight” to “mahogany”. What, did SJM call you and told you to tone down the Rhys if you wanted her to pretend to like your book in public?

Also, bitter ballerina? Really? Who the fuck talks like this?

“These three can live,” she said, nodding her head at the final Patrolmen. “It’s you I want a fight with, Dextro.”

Yes, his name is actually Dextro. At least the book admits it’s fucking silly.

With a crackle of her swords, she lunged forward and cut off three heads in one scissoring slice.

#edgy

Still better than Sardines tho. Andi actually DOES SHIT.

Zenith is officially better than Throne of Glass.

After a bunch of nonsense fighting that I can’t even be assed to keep track of, Andi walks into Dex’s trap. His trap is basically even more dudes with guns, except this time Andi can’t fight them, for some reason, despite doing it just now, no problem.

Plot!

Update: Breck isn’t there anymore, so I guess it makes slightly more sense this time.

Dex notices the cuffs on Andi’s wrists, just so he can give the reader some info about them, I spose:

They were unbreakable, just like her swords. But the cuffs weren’t just an accessory. They held together the burned flesh on her wrists from an accident long ago. She didn’t have the privilege of seeing a doctor at the time, so her skin had become damaged beyond repair.

Without Dex’ s gift, she wouldn’t have the full function of her wrists and forearms—likely wouldn’t have the strength to lift those swords she was so fond of.

It gave him a sick kind of pleasure to know she still had the cuffs, a reminder of his kindness to her when she was at her weakest. A part of him she could never shed from herself.

So you’re telling me that ... Not only are her wounds still open under those cuffs, but that installing those cuffs was somehow faster and less expensive than finding a doctor who could patch them up for you?

Or that they “healed,” and then, instead of paying for surgery, Dex paid for some GLASS CUFFS to slap on the wounds instead?

And that Andi, during all this time and after presumably getting some money, hasn’t had her fucked-up wrists fixed, and instead keeps these cuffs on her still-fucked wrists even as they remind her of Dex Dogtective?

The wording implies that she physically cannot remove those cuffs without reopening the wounds.

Why did she have ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS METAL PLATES ON HER CHEEKS INSTALLED, WHEN SHE HAS AN ACTUAL WOUND THAT SEEMS A BIT MORE URGENT? Wouldn’t fixing a burn be cheaper in this hyper-tech world than grafting fucking metal into your flesh?

WHY ISN’T SHE IN IMMENSE PAIN AT ALL TIMES WITH THOSE GLASS CUFFS ON HER BURN WOUNDS. HOW FUCKING BADLY WERE HER WRISTS DAMAGED IF SHE CAN STILL BREAK PEOPLE’S NECKS AND WIELD HER SWORDS NO PROBLEM?!

HOW EXACTLY ARE THOSE GLASS CUFFS ATTACHED THAT THEY SOMEHOW HOLD HER SKIN TOGETHER BUT ALSO ALLOW HER WRISTS FULL MOBILITY?!

AHFSJFHGDKFJHGDSKFJHGSDKJFHGDSKJHF

“If they move, my guards will shoot.” Dex waved a hand, and half the men angled their light rifles upwards, where toward Andi’s motionless crew stood motionless.

The blue-skinned pilot from Adhira, the giantess beside her. And that psychopathic red-headed child, glaring down at Dex with the cold calculation of a seasoned killer.

Dex just waves a hand. Not his own hand, just a random hand he found on the floor.

I just remembered that their crew is literally just four people and I’m so tired.

Dex Dogtective takes Andi to some room on the Marauder to talk to somebody.

Cold calculation flashed in [Andi’s] eyes.

Oh, just like the cold calculation in Gilly’s eyes barely half a page ago?

Who edited this?

Update: "Cold calculation” has been changed to “disgust.”

Also, this is in reaction to Dex telling Andi to sit. When she refuses, he’s super impressed.

Instead, she stood with her back up against the wall, her gray eyes roving left and right.

Dex had taught her well.

Did you teach her not to sit on command, like the opposite of a dog trick?

I would not expect anything less from Dex Dogtective.

For the first time today, despite everything Dex had thrown at her, she actually looked stricken. Shocked. Pained.

“Hello, Androma,” the man on the screen said. “I’ve been searching for you a very, very long time.”

The drama!

#book rants #eff reads: zenith

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allenmendezsr · 3 years

Text

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Here’s Why You Haven’t Heard Of My Natural Remedy Before

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Fact: I’ve had quite a few customers buy my report after their nurses recommended my remedy, before going through with their surgery!

There are a few other “natural remedies” that can be found on the internet, but take heed…

WARNING: Don’t be fooled by inferior remedies! There are a few other websites out there that promote using herbal remedies or a concoction made up of olive oil to supposedly dissolve your kidney stones. My remedy is better for many reasons.

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You could go spend hours and hours searching for alternative natural remedies if you want to, but for most people, time is valuable. When you order my report, everything will be delivered to you instantly – and you won’t need to waste any more time searching the internet for answers. Besides, my report takes you by the hand and shows you, step-by-step, how to dissolve your kidney stones naturally, safely, and without pain.

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~ Beth & Terry McDonald

Press play below to hear a message from Beth…

My doctor was shocked…

Joe, this was my first and hopefully my last experience with kidney stones. I had severe pain on new years eve and had to go the hospital were they took x-rays. They found a single stone which the doctor measured at 6mm. The next day the urologist scheduled me for surgery the following week. In his opinion I had only a 5 percent chance of passing that size of stone on my own but he did advise me to drink alot of fluids. After 5 days of lots of water the stone moved down from just below the left kidney to the entrance of the bladder but could not pass into my bladder (confirmed by another x-ray).

In a last chance effort to avoid surgery I discovered your website and my prayers were answered. Within 12 hours of trying your remedy I could feel the stone pass into my bladder and within a week it passed completely.

My doctor was shocked.

Joe, I can’t thank you enough for saving me the physical and emotional cost of surgery and I know this can help others.

Sincerely, Steve

~ Steve Strasbaugh, Fort Collins, CO

Within 3 hours my pain was gone…

Hi Joe, I have suffered with kidney stones for 6 months. The pain would hit me when I least suspected it so I had my life and vacations on hold.

I had an 8mm stone located just above the bladder on my left side. The pain I experienced was excruciating when an attack came. It felt like I was being stabbed in the back over and over again, along with the burning and sharp pains in my stomach and down my left leg.

Aside from having an actual attack, daily life was always with discomfort and fear of when the next big one was coming again. I went to the emergency room one night I couldn’t take it anymore and ended up with a $6,800.00 hospital bill. And the kidney stone still remained in me.

I don’t have health insurance mind you so I can’t afford to play Dr.’s games and get no results.

Out of desperation I told my wife “I am going on the internet to find a miracle cure.” The first thing I came across was your site. We immediately went to the store and got the ingredients.

Within 3 hours my pain was gone and I was passing gravel and sludge. I repeated the process 2 days later due to the size of my stone and passed more gravel and sludge with no pain.

This is my 4th day living a normal pain free life again and it feels great! This remedy works. I’d like to go stand in front of my urologist’s office and tell everybody about your website and get even with him for taking so much of my money paying for a visit.

Thank You Joe!!

~ Brian Reynolds, Hesperia, CA

*Your results may vary based on your situation and circumstance. The testimonials above are a result of the individuals outcome following the guidelines outlined in the Kidney Stones Removal Report. If you are not happy with our report for any reason, you are entitled to our 60 Day, No-Questions-Asked, 100% Refund.

Over 80% Of The People Who Try My Remedy Get Rid Of Their Kidney Stones… I Hope You’re One of the 80%!

Recent statistics gathered from my customers has shown that 80% of my customers have passed their kidney stones using my home remedy.

I need to be honest with you and admit that my remedy does not work for 100% of kidney stone sufferers. But the good news is, my remedy does work for the vast majority of those with kidney stones.

Why doesn’t it work 100% of the time? Because everyone is unique, and everyone with kidney stones has different sizes and types of kidney stones. Most kidney stones (80%) are made of calcium oxalate and are less than 5mm in diameter, but some kidney stones are made up of different materials (examples: uric acid, struvite, cystine, xanthine, or silicate). Also, some kidney stones are simply too large to dissolve using any natural remedy.

Fact: 256 of the last 300 people who have used my remedy have passed their kidney stones without pain!

So how can you know if you are likely to be in the 80%?

My remedy works exceptionally well if:

Your Kidney Stones Are Made Of Calcium Oxalate (You may not know what your kidney stones are made of, but Calcium Oxalate kidney stones represent over 85% of all types of kidney stones. They are by far the most common type of kidney stone.)

Your kidney stones are 7mm or less (over 90% of kidney stones are 5mm or less! And, my remedy has worked for people with stones as large as 1.2cm!) If your kidney stone is larger than 7mm, you will still want to get a copy of my remedy – but you will probably need to do the remedy two or three times over the next three days. A good analogy is this: a big block of ice takes longer to melt than a bag of ice cubes.

You have just one or two kidney stones – some people have multiple kidney stones of various sizes. I have found that the more kidney stones you have at one time, the less likely my remedy will work for you. However, I have seen a few cases where someone with multiple small stones has dissolved and passed their stones using my natural remedy.

You follow my easy, step-by-step remedy EXACTLY AS WRITTEN – Failure to follow my step-by-step instructions (detailed in my report) will lessen the likelihood of your success in dissolving and passing your kidney stones pain free

So what happens if you buy the remedy and it doesn’t work for you?

If My Remedy Doesn’t Work For You, You Get A Full Refund!

I have no problem giving you a refund if my remedy doesn’t work for you. That’s the honest and fair thing for me to do.

Here’s a recent email conversation that I had with a customer who requested a refund:

Refund Testimonials:

Dear Joe,

Thanks for your emails and the prompt refund.

I ordered this information/remedy for my 82 year old father. After discussing it with him, he explained that he was afraid to use this remedy because his kidney stone was “too large to pass” according to his physician. They tried “blasting”, which did not work; now they are going to surgically remove the stone.

~ Debbie Eason

Joe,

Thank you very much. What a hassle free and timely refund and response, almost unheard of these days.

Thank you for actually following through on what your website says, very refreshing to see.

I will save your website link and consult occasionally.

~ Don Beckers

You don’t need to worry about losing your money if my remedy doesn’t work for you. I’m an honest person, and I truly want you to be happy. I have four young boys that I’m trying to raise properly, and I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I ran an unethical business. You can trust that I will honor your refund request.

So, if you do not get the results you were hoping for, simply ask for a refund (by sending an email to [email protected]) and I’ll be happy to issue it back to your credit card immediately.

I’m sure you’re wondering how this has worked for others.

Here’s How My Natural Remedy Has Worked For Some Of My Recent Customers:

My first response after using the remedy was that it did not work.

I was mistaken.

The pain I’ve been experiencing this time didn’t seem like a kidney stone. However, in the course of ruling out a stone I was told that there were two tiny stones in my left kidney. Pain just waiting to happen. They were noted on a CT.

I used the remedy and the following week I had an IVP which not only ruled out a moving stone, it also showed that those little buggers were gone!

I am a believer now! I’ve had many stones over the past 13 years and don’t even want to know how much I’ve spent on tests and pain medication not to mention lost days and misery.

Thank you!!!

– Barbara Rooker

…I was scheduled for a cystiscope the following day, so I figured I had nothing to lose, except the agony I know that follows the procedure.

I drank the remedy at 12:45 pm…I laid down and kept drinking water…It actually wasn’t until about 10:30 pm that it started to move (the stone was on the right side in the ureter, 5mm in size, the opening to the bladder is only 4 mm, thus the problem).

I had a few minutes of slight discomfort, but nothing like what I know it can be. Then the difficulty in urinating passed! I began getting a white mucus that was the stone “melting”. The pain and pressure was gone and about 2:30 am I called the hospital to cancel the procedure!!!

The next day, I continued to drink water and have had NO PAIN SINCE!

I feel great! Thank you!!

– Dawn Iaderosa, Clifton, New Jersey

It ends up that I had two kidney stones. I tried the remedy twice and I got rid of the smaller stone that was in my left kidney. However, the bigger one is in my right kidney and it is still there. The urologist said it was a 60% chance it would pass and a 40% they would have to do surgery.

Update: I went back to the Urologist today and he looked at my IVP results. There is no Kidney Stone!!! The stone I had must have dissolved. He was at a loss for words. Your remedy worked very well. It has saved me a lot of money and it has saved me from being off of work. I did the remedy twice and it seems to have done the trick. Thank you very much!!!

– Bart Richardson, New Jersey

Hi Joe, The other night I went to outpatient with pain that was unbearable. I had a CT scan and they found 1 stone, 4mm diameter located just above the bladder. The next day I followed your remedy, and, in a couple of hours, the stone passed! I haven’t had any further problems. Your remedy worked great!

– Robert Engelbrecht

Hi Joe: Well I have to say buying your remedy to remove kidney stones was probably the best investment I have ever made! 10 hours after following your steps, the stone passed through.

I went to see the doctor 2 days later and the X-ray in fact showed that my system was clear of any kidney stones. I just wish I knew about this remedy before, thanks for having it available!

– Luis Acevedo, Chattanooga, TN

I had been in significant pain since Monday requiring a visit to the emergency room and was still in enough pain to require medication on Wednesday morning. I did not know if I would be able to go on a long weekend trip that had been planned for weeks.

At 10:00 am on Wednesday I started drinking your remedy. The rest of the day was spent running to the bathroom and still required some pain medication for the trip out of town to catch a flight Thursday morning.

I arrived at the motel for the evening at about 11:00 pm and went to the restroom. There was a significant number of fiborous looking pieces in the “stream” and I realized the pain was gone. I did not require any more pain medication to sleep all night and I had a wonderful pain free weekend.

The stone I had the last time was a uric acid stone and it took 3 trips to the operating room and about $40,000 to get rid of.

I was amazed that this remedy worked and it passed in about 12 hours. Thanks!!!

– Brad Sarff

I followed the remedy exactly as written… Within an hour of finishing it, I stopped experiencing any pain. Although I was unable to find the kidney stone (a few times I did not use a screen) I have previously passed 2 other calcium oxalate stones, but never has one passed with so little pain.

I am amazed that it passed this easily!

Thanks for saving me so much pain and suffering!!!

– James M. Holt, Groves, Texas

…A CT scan revealed 2 more stones in my left kidney (the same side all my stones have formed on) and I was supposed to have litroscopy 2 days ago. I decided to research this procedure and its risks, and I inadvertantly came across your method on the internet and thought I had nothing to lose, so I gave it a try!

I passed both stones as a gravel sedament, and when I showed up at hospital for another x-ray before my scheduled procedure, they were gone! I was absolutely amazed! (not to mention my skeptical doctor!)

The method is absolutely pain free, and so simple to follow, it’s almost too good to be true! I am in awe of the fact that more people I know have not heard of this method, and I can’t wait to read your report on kidney stone prevention.

With three little ones I have no time or patience for another pesky stone!

Thank you so much!!!

– Candy Fertig

Hi Joe, The concept is so deceptively simple, yet so astonishingly powerful. I am impressed.

Your remedy has worked fantastically well for me! For the past 36 hours I have been free of pain. Looks like the calculus is completely gone!

– Kedar Nadkarni, India

I followed your instructions and after the second time of taking your remedy, my stone passed. This really worked for me! Thank you!!!!!

– Doug Powers, Baltimore, Maryland

As you can see, my remedy has worked great for others! And it can work great for you, too!

Imagine how good you will feel after passing your kidney stones painlessly with my remedy! Your testimonial belongs on this page, too!

I’m so confident that you’ll get rid of your kidney stones pain-free using my home remedy, I am offering you a full money-back guarantee:

The Kidney Stone Removal Report comes with a no-questions-asked, no-hassle, 60 DAY money-back guarantee.

If my remedy doesn’t work for you, all you need to do is send me an email within the next 60 days and I’ll promptly refund 100% of your purchase price, no questions asked!

That’s 60 FULL DAYS to put my remedy to the test – all the risk is on me. I don’t think I could be any more fair than that!

OK, let’s summarize all of the benefits you’ll receive when you buy your copy of the Kidney Stone Removal Report:

Fast, painless relief from your excruciating pain

No harmful side effects 100% natural!

Save thousands of dollars in medical bills and hospital stays

No Stress, No Surgery! Feel healthy fast and resume living!

No more sleepless nights agonizing in extreme pain

No need for potentially addictive drugs

It tastes good much better than drinking olive oil!

Safe for diabetics and pregnant women!

So, you’ve got 2 Choices…

1. Buy My Kidney Stone Removal Report Now – and get rid of your kidney stones painlessly, in less than 24 hours, using a safe, natural and proven home remedy. It tastes good, doesn’t have any side effects, is easy to use, and will probably save you thousands of dollars.

2. Continue to Suffer from Your Kidney Stones! – choose to do nothing. Continue to go through with the pain even though a much better solution is being made available to you right now, for immediate download.

You can get all of these benefits for only $19.97. That’s cheaper than a cup of coffee everyday for a month! That’s cheaper than going out to the movies once!

We kindly accept Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

You would have to be insane not to try my remedy at this low price. You can hardly go out to dinner for less than $50 these days.

Options: The Kidney Stone Removal Report Do Nothing Surgery Price: $19.97 one time payment Free… for now $3,000 – $9,000+ Satisfaction Guarantee: 100% Money Back Guarantee for 60 days You probably won’t be satisfied… No money back guarantee Complications & Risks: Possible food allergies (very rare) Stone could remain lodged in kidney or ureter and cause serious problems down the road Pain, hospitalization, infection, complications due to anesthesia and medications, doctor error, death Convenience: Immediate download, put the information to use within the hour using grocery store products Not very – you’ll be in pain for a lot longer time than you need to be. Very inconvenient Effectiveness of Treatment: Highly effective. Smoothes razor-sharp edges of the stones and flushes them painlessly over 80% of the time. Non-treatment hopes it will pass on its own. Sometimes it works, but very painful option. 50-65% probability to remove the kidney stones Other Benefits: Educate & improve yourself for a lifetime of excellent health Save a few dollars, maybe People might visit you, eat hospital food, watch TV as you recover What’s Your Choice? Download Your Copy of the Report Give me drugs Cut me open

DOCTOR APPROVED

As a medical doctor with over 10 years of research in the field of nutritional and alternative medicine, I’ve seen a great deal of misinformation. As I’ve read through the reports are. There is no hype or pushing a specific type of therapy, just well-researched alternative treatments and some anecdotes. People are different so there are a variety of ways to heal illnesses. These reports take this into account, giving you many options and providing the information you need to heal yourself and be independent of drugs and “experts.”

BONUS: In addition to receiving your own copy of the Kidney Stone Removal Report, you will also receive the UTI Remedy Report (a $19.97 value) – absolutely FREE when you buy today.

The Kidney Stone Prevention Report will show you exactly what you need to do so you will never get kidney stones again, including:

Little-known dietary recommendations so you can know exactly which food you can and cannot eat.

The exact amount and type of water you will need to drink every day in order to stay free from kidney stones.

Which nutritional supplements you should be taking on a daily basis that are proven to prevent kidney stones from coming back.

And much more — and it’s yours free when you buy the Kidney Stone Removal Report!

This should be an easy choice. You have nothing to lose… except your pain from kidney stones!

What are you waiting for?

We kindly accept Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

For Immediate Download: Click here to order online with your credit card.

Yours for excellent health,

Joe Barton Medical Researcher, Blogger, and Kidney Stone Consultant

P.S. When you buy the Kidney Stone Removal Report, you will receive easy, step-by-step instructions on how to eliminate your kidney stones within 24 hours without any pain. You can completely avoid thousands of dollars in medical bills by using my secret formula. The ingredients required will cost you less than $10 and every grocery store in the world carries these items. My remedy works for over 80% of kidney stone sufferers, and the remedy is not available anywhere else. And, if you don’t get the results you want, all you need to do is send me an email within 90 days and I will promptly issue you a complete refund, no questions asked.

So what are you waiting for?

We kindly accept Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express

Thank you for the opportunity to buy this…

~ Beth & Terry McDonald

Press play below to hear a message from Beth…

Click Here to buy my report, and get rid of your kidney stones today with no pain, naturally, with no side effects – 100% money back guaranteed!!

0 notes

theartofbeinganerd · 7 years

Photo

And here it is, the Epilogue for a hand to hold (take me home)! I’ve loved sharing this fic with you all so much. To see how much other people enjoyed it when I’d never intended on posting this fic, thinking that I was the only one who’d be interested in it has been so wonderful, truly! Thank you to everyone that has liked, commented, reblogged, given kudos, etc, you’re all so fantastic!!

(Ao3)

“Today’s top story: Grant Ward, brother of Senator Christian Ward and former police officer, is officially being charged today in connection with the string of murders committed over the past several months, apparently dating back to even before the slaying of a local family, one of whom is the only known survivor of the attacks. He, along with several other members of the gang now said to be known as ‘HYDRA’ are due to appear in court next year, though there’s still no word on the mysterious connection of several prominent politicians, businessmen, and police officers said to be involved –”

Fitz turned the volume of the news broadcast down low, setting the remote down beside him on the couch with a world-weary sigh. Ward’s arrest hadn’t been the victory that Fitz had been expecting all these months for it to be, and it did nothing to erase the sick feeling that still swirled in his gut from time to time, nor would it bring back Sarah’s family, or any of the other lives that he’d so carelessly taken.

According to Daisy, the station had been abuzz with activity for the past few weeks since Ward’s initial arrest, and that Fitz was probably lucky that he hadn’t been there during the interviews – she’d had to be pulled out of Ward’s interrogation by Coulson himself before she could pass her own sentence on him.

The question that seemed to be on everyone’s minds, though, was why? Ward still hadn’t spoken a word, but from what they’d managed to gather from his accomplices, HYDRA was supposedly some sort of cult, rather than a gang as they’d previously assumed. And the strangest part? They apparently worshipped some demon-god named Alveus that Ward had apparently claimed to be in contact with.

Demon worship had never seemed like Ward’s particular brand of crazy, but Fitz supposed that everyone was hiding something.

However, as more and more of Ward’s accomplices had systematically been identified, taken in, and questioned, the whole situation had only continued to get worse; with a few choice looks from May, a handful of Ward’s lackeys had begun to spin the tale of a HYDRA that had been running in their town for years. According to them, it had started with a couple of powerful men who sought to use the criminal underground to their advantage, and had their hands in drugs, prostitutes, money laundering, and several other serious crimes.

It hadn’t been proven yet, of course, but already the von Strucker and Malick families had been implicated, along with Daniel Whitehall, Alexander Pierce, and Lieutenant Garrett. Which, Fitz couldn’t help but think, made sense – after all, he’d been the one to train Ward, had taken him in when he was a rookie and taught him everything that he needed to know to survive. And, it also explained why information on the case had been mysteriously disappearing from the station.

Ward, though, seemed to have taken the HYDRA ideal just a step too far with his demon-worshipping cult, which coincidentally began its killings right after he’d been fired by Coulson. The suspicious timeline, however, begged the question – had Ward actually gone off the deep end, or had the entire thing just been a cleverly constructed ruse to get back at Coulson and the station as a whole with a seemingly unsolvable case, designed to discredit them? With Ward refusing to speak, it made it almost impossible to answer definitely, though Fitz was sure that they all had their assumptions.

The only good thing that had come out of the recent weeks was the news that Sarah Hudson was making a full recovery, and would soon be completely healed – physically, at least. According to Daisy, she’d been seeing a child psychologist at the hospital, and they’d already been making some progress in helping Sarah to come to terms with the horrible event and the loss of her family.

Fitz had been by to see her once, on his last day in the hospital himself after the gunshot wound in his thigh had been stitched up, and she’d seemed to be in pretty good spirits, given the situation. Daisy, though, made regular visits in to see her, confessing to Fitz once that she wanted to make sure that Sarah still had someone that cared about her around. Fitz felt pretty safe in assuming that once Sarah went into the foster care system upon her release from the hospital, Daisy would be keeping a close eye on her.

Despite all of that, the situation was still overwhelmingly and understandably negative and, as the full extent of HYDRA and its crimes continued to be revealed more and more with each passing day, it seemed to be the only thing that the news reported on anymore. It didn’t help that their viewers were shamelessly eating up every single new detail, which only made the news stations more desperate for new information to report on – and, as such, Fitz had been unable to escape it since the whole damn thing had started.

Fortunately, at that moment, there was a knock on the door of his flat. Grateful for the unexpected distraction, Fitz turned the TV off, carefully rising and limping over to open the door on his still-aching leg. When he found a frazzled-looking Jemma on the other side, he gave into his surprise at her sudden appearance for a beat, then stepped back and asked, “Would you like to come in?” She nodded wordlessly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she followed him to the kitchen. “I’ve already got a pot of tea brewing.”

Once they’d sat down at the table with cups of tea, an uncomfortable silence fell heavily between them, and it stretched on until Fitz came to the realization that she wasn’t going to say anything to break it.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you since that day I was in the hospital for my leg,” he commented, a bit glad for the opportunity to do so, since thoughts of the encounter had been plaguing him in the past few weeks just as much as the Ward case had been.

The visit had been brief; she’d come in while he was still hopped up on pain meds after surgery, and she’d just stood beside his bed, running her fingers through his hair and looking at him with tears in her eyes. Since that moment, though, she’d become strangely MIA, and even Daisy had had trouble getting a hold of their mutual friend.

Fitz had been worried and rather confused by the whole thing, but he hadn’t wanted to push, or to just randomly show up on her doorstep. Instead, he’d forced himself to wait until she made the first move, until she reached out to him, always abundantly aware of the subtle but important shift in their relationship since the almost-kiss at the hospital all those weeks ago now; he didn’t want to make the wrong move and subsequently ruin the friendship that they’d spent the past few months building up. After everything that had happened lately, he just couldn’t afford to lose her, couldn’t even begin imagine getting through all of this without her presence in his life.

Finally, after another rather lengthy stretch of silence, Jemma breathed deeply, then murmured, “I’m sorry.” It was the first time that he’d heard her voice in weeks, and even though he’s resolved to give her the space that she obviously needed, he’d missed her, and the sound of her voice washed over him like soothing summer rain after a violent thunderstorm, the balm that he’d been missing in the tumultuous days since he and Daisy had gone to confront Ward. “I’ve been…busy.”

It was unbelievably obvious that she was lying – he’d learned over the months of their friendship that she wasn’t great with deception to begin with, and she didn’t really seem to be trying much to improve on it at the moment.

Trying to ease the sudden tension that was filling the room, Fitz cleared his throat, then joked, “Y’know, I can’t believe that I’d never been shot before in my life, only to find myself on the receiving end of two gunshot wounds in as many months.” When Jemma merely winced, he decided that what he really couldn’t believe was that he couldn’t seem to stop himself from stupid jokes about getting shot. “I’m sorry, that was dumb. I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.”

With her eyes planted firmly on her tea, Jemma took another deep, shuddering breath, then launched into what was clearly a planned speech. “Fitz, I care about you so much that it…it scares me, but I can’t…I can’t do this, I can’t be with you if I have to wonder every night if this is going to be the one that finally takes you away from me. I can’t continue to be distracted at work, always wondering if your…your body will be on the next gurney I see. I just can’t do it, so even though it…it kills me that I’ll never be able to figure out what’s between us, I think…I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”

At first, Fitz was stunned, rendered completely speechless. At that particular moment, he couldn’t have responded to the declaration that came straight from his dreams and his nightmares even if his life had depended on it.

It was only when Jemma peered nervously up at him with tears rolling steadily down her cheeks, the sight as effective as a punch to the stomach, that he managed to find his words.

“You know, I received a very…strongly-worded phone call from my mum the other day. She told me that if it was really important to me, I could continue to put my life on the line, but…if being a police officer wasn’t what I really wanted to do, it’d be a damn shame if I lost my life over it.” He chuckled quietly, shaking his head as he admitted, “I also had a conversation with the chief, and after a lot of hard thinking…well, I’ve decided what’s best is for me to leave the precinct and go back to school for engineering.”

For a lengthy moment, Jemma merely gaped at him, at a clear loss for words. But, then she let out a teary, disbelieving laugh, pressing a hand to her mouth as her shoulders sagged from the release of a tension that she seemed to have been carrying for far too long. He almost wanted to say something more then, to try and return the favor, to tell Jemma just how much he cared for her, but he figured that she deserved some time to process his admission.

Plus, Fitz also kind of figured that he’d been a bit…obvious about his feelings for her, despite his best attempts to keep them under wraps, and so it probably went without saying.

However, it was only a few minutes more that suddenly, before Fitz could even register that she’d moved, Jemma had reached across the table and dragged him to her by the front of his shirt, and he didn’t even have time to gasp in shock before her lips were finally pressed against his.

Fitz gave a pleasantly startled moan against her mouth, hastily reaching out to catch himself on the table, lest he stumble and knock their tea over (though, honestly, even that likely couldn’t stop him from kissing Jemma now that he’d gotten his first real taste of her – truthfully, he was almost worried that nothing could stop him from kissing her, not even the end of world). Jemma’s hand shifted to grip his shoulder, sliding along the curve of it to cup the back of his neck and bury her fingers in his short curls.

When he parted his lips and gently tugged her bottom lip between them, dragging his teeth along the sensitive skin, and she honest to god whimpered, Fitz had to wonder if he actually had died that day in Ward’s house and this was what was considered heaven.

Hell, even if it was, who cared? He was kissing Jemma Simmons – that was worth dying over, for sure.

When they eventually parted and their heavy, labored breaths filled the silence, Jemma nodded slyly at his injured leg and said pointedly, “You should probably have a doctor look at how that’s healing, just to be on the safe side.” Then, a coy smile curved her lips as she added, “But, I’ll have to ask you to remove your pants in order for me to do so.”

As a wide grin spread across Fitz’s face, he couldn’t help but remember all the times that his father had insisted that cops got all the women. Now, he was quite sure that his father had gotten it wrong – clearly, engineering was what got the ladies all hot and bothered.

He’d always known that he was in the wrong profession.

#shayna writes #fsfic #fitzsimmons #a hand to hold (take me home)#police officer au #epilogue #tw: homicide #tw: violence #mentions of them at least #i do have ideas for more in this universe #but this is the official end for now #!!!

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osanzo · 7 years

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probably just lack of hormones talking but fuck it

idk it’s just like i care so little about so fucking much else in my life that any time i do find something that i give even half a shit about it becomes something special. like GOD FORBID that for WHATEVER MYSTERIOUS REASON (caps for sarcasm) i become obsessed with anything that i care about, anything at all that might give me a reason to get out of bed and do it all one more time.

and then when it’s a person? that’s turning out to be a fucking shitshow of an experience, because sure he’s busy with his own goddamn life i’m not questioning that at all but even so part of me can’t fathom what else he could be doing that would take up literally all of his time to the point that it doesn’t even occur to him to talk to me. that it doesn’t even bother him that it’s been two whole months since we’ve seen each other. that he probably hasn’t realized it’s likely been six months or more since we skyped or talked on discord, when it used to be a fairly regular thing. even i can’t remember when we last did either of those things, because after a while of not using them i just went ahead and deleted the apps off my phone.

and then he mentioned moving in together with one of his friends, weeks ago, months ago, because they would both need a place and why not, because last fucking year i’d mentioned wanting to move out of my parents’ house eventually. which i do. i still do. so i agreed, i was all for it, but after that there was no fucking mention of it ever again. he supposedly had to be out by august, and here it is the end of the month and i have no fucking clue if he found a place or if he’s still going to stay with his mom or if he even remembers that he offered me something at all. (though that’s a lie, one of exaggeration, because i did try to ask about it, and he did say he and the friend would probably get a place themselves first because they needed to sooner rather than later. but my willingness to comply with that was basically ignored and forgotten.)

and fuck me because no i can’t actually say any of this to him, or to anyone, because who would fucking care. i can’t bother anyone with this, they’ve got more important shit in their own lives that they’d rather deal with over me. i don’t want to hear that tone of advice and i don’t want a vague promise that everything will be okay, it’ll work itself out, what the fuck ever. i’m just upset and i can’t do anything to feel better and i can’t bring myself to care about any of it

i ran out of T so i can’t have my shot if i could even bring myself to do it and i’m late on the dentist and to check my brakes and to change my tires and who knows when i last went to the doctor, i can’t afford the surgery that i desperately need and yet i’m burning every cent i get because why the fuck not, none of it matters, why can’t i just stop and leave and go back to when it wasn’t like this

#ignore me #seriously ignore me i'm just fucking sick of everything rn

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sassi-the-story · 5 years

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Book One

“You know at this point in life, I’d take a spanking, let’s just keep it real.” “Yeah right. What would she look like, spanking two seventeen-year-old girls?” Twins Sherice and Shavaun were mucking along their backyard, stooping every few feet or so to pick up dog poop, or at least look like they were. It was their nanny’s favorite form of punishment when the twins did something abhorrent, like throw a party in their basement bedroom and expect her not to find out.

I would say there is nothing funny about yard work but considering I’ve never done it, I could be wrong,” she snarled. Rudella. The mini-version of their wicked nanny. She was stomping towards them, her pale white hair blowing behind her as she clod down an invisible catwalk. “But just last week, you said you were never wrong. Pick one, pink-face,” Shavaun said with a smirk. Rudella returned the fake smile with a bit more fire in her ice blue eyes. Her gaunt cheeks were indeed flushed with pink from the burning sun, as was her bony nose. “Mother sent me to retrieve the two of you. Your crazy, ugly aunt is here for your visit,” said Rudella. “If anyone knows crazy and ugly, it would be your mother and you,” said Sherice. She wrapped her hand in her sister’s and marched her back towards the house. “Oh you bold today, huh?” whispered Shavaun. Sherice squeezed it and Shavaun nuzzled into her shoulder. A bond between sisters, what could be better?

“Ahh, my nefarious nieces whom I love to pieces!” Their aunt, Sage, was a living ball of light and that light could sometimes be blinding. She was standing in the grand driveway of their home, a giant golden RV parked behind her. It seemed like whenever she visited the girls, her long, bountiful locs were a new hue. Today her tendrils were dyed a deep shade of green; the hue accented her almond-brown skin perfectly. Large, feathered earrings hung past her shoulders and matched the bright sarong she was wrapped in. Her slender fingers were bejeweled and waggling excitedly at the twins as they approached her. She embraced them both in a warm hug. “I swear you look more like our mom than you do our dad,” Shavaun commented. Aunt Sage smirked and raised one matching green eyebrow. Mala could be heard clacking down the stairs behind them. “Be nice,” Sage murmured, sensing the tension in the air between them all. “Sage,” Mala said in her strong accent. Not quite Russian, her throaty Croatian tones were came out harsh and curt. Sage curtsied, “Your majesty.” Mala’s blue eyes cut to slits; she was not amused.

“So you will be gone for how long, Sage?” asked Mala. Sage shrugged. “Who knows. But they’ll be back in time for school. And before their 18th birthday,” she replied. The girls turned excitedly to their aunt. “Where are we going?” asked Sherice. “And can we just stay there?” asked Shavaun under her breath. Sage laughed from deep within her belly. “All the places we’re going? No, we can’t stay at any of them,” she said between laughs. Shavaun sucked her teeth. “Aight, well let’s go now so we can get the most outta being away from here,” the teen lamented. Aunt Sage squeezed her around the shoulders. “The longer the better,” Rudella muttered. Shavaun raised her haunches at her. “Children, please,” Mala sighed. “Do we need to pack or anything?” Sherice asked her aunt. Sage shook her head and gestured to the RV. “Got everything we need and if I missed anything, I’ll buy it on the road. You know your mama and daddy left me LOADED. And auntie is always gonna take care of her girls.” The twins squealed with excitement.

Aunt Sage had been visiting the girls for as long as they could remember, doing her best to keep their parents’ memories alive.

Yasiin and Sita Kang were both gone from the girls’ lives before they turned 10; Sita at birth, Yasiin just days before their 10th birthday. Sita disappeared from the hospital and years later, after no trace of her could be found, was declared dead. That sad fact haunted the girls to this very day. Yasiin and then Sage did their best to ensure the girls that she loved them very much and went missing for a good cause. Yasiin did all he could, raising the girls while managing his rising star in the world of professional mixed martial arts. He also worked to find his missing wife and provide some sort of answer for the two darling girls she left behind. Sadly, he could not do so before his own death. He slipped down their grand staircase one day, so the police report said, and died of a broken neck.

While he was alive, Yasiin hired a nanny to assist him with raising the girls. Her name was Mala Swift. Mala was a Croatian immigrant who worked at a hair salon next to Yasiin’s training studio. She was claimed to be in need of a “safe place” for herself and infant daughter. When Yasiin explained his situation, and the two made a clear agreement that would not involve a romantic relationship, her and her daughter Rudella moved into the Kang’s large estate. Yasiin’s fighting career and teaching of mixed martial arts combined with Sita’s lucrative career as a college art instructor and part-time French tutor afforded them all a luxurious lifestyle. Yasiin and Sita’s will declared the girls would live in the estate, in the lifestyle they had become accustomed to, until their 18th birthday or they went away to college, whichever came first. Mala was sure to keep them in the home and in their school but all else had changed. They sweet-talked the maids into bringing them food, became friends with a bank teller and began to sneak money from their trust fund, and as of last Friday- they snuck and had a party in the basement that was their room. Hence the poop-picking party only they attended that morning. The girls lifted their hands in a fake wave that was more like a salute then raced up the steps into the humming RV. Sage took her place in the captain’s chair and beeped the horn twice as they rounded the driveway and headed out.

“Freedom!” screamed Shavaun. Sherice joined her at her side and the two pumped their fists, whooping as they did. “Oh the turn up is real, huh?” asked Sage. “Auntie! You would not believe what happened last night!” Sherice squealed. In unison, the twins shouted “We threw our first party!” “Oh it was live, auntie!” “There were wall-to-wall people!” “Our friend Varik DJ’d!” “Nah, he VEE-JAYED!” “Right? He had us dancing all night!” “Man, I swear I wasn’t even dancing at one point and just … just movin!” “Girl, yes! I haven’t danced that hard that long in… ever!” The twins were a gaggle of giggles in the hull of the RV. “Sounds like a typical teenage night. Your mom and I had lots of nights like that,” mused Sage. The giggles stopped immediately. “Teenage nights?” “Like that?” “Didn’t you all met in…” “…College,” the twins said in unison. An awkward silence encamped the vehicle. “Well, you know your mom and I, um, we knew each other in like, high school. Not like, knew-knew but we ran in the same cliques,” Sage lied. She swallowed the plum-sized knot in her throat and hoped they didn’t catch her. “Right…,” Sherice said, her uncertainty clear as the summer day in front of them.

“Where are we headed, Aunt Sage?” asked Shavaun. Sage was glad for the change of subject. “We are going to see some of me and your mom’s old, old friends,” she proudly answered. They were speeding down the highway, headed west. “How old?” Shavaun continued. Sage chuckled. “Way before either of you,” she smirked. Shavaun had climbed into the passenger captain’s chair up front, her feet tucked beneath her. “No for real, auntie. Where do y’all know ‘em from? Did they know our dad?” the curious teen inquired. Sage nodded. “Yep, they knew and loved him.” Shavaun smiled, thinking of her father who died just 8 years ago.

Yasiin was anxiously awaiting his daughters when he got the worst news any man could receive- his wife had gone missing. She gave birth to two healthy baby girls and between delivery and the post-surgery, room she managed to finagle her way out of the bed, off the monitors, and away from the hospital. Yasiin was walked down a hallway to a room where he could meet his daughters. He sat on the cold bed with its unmoved sheets and cradled his two daughters. “How am I supposed to do this without you, Sita?” he whispered to no one. The babies cooed up at him, their eyes a bright cinnamon brown. Just like hers, he thought. A tear fell as he imagined just where his wife could be. She had always been dashing off to mysterious “meetings and whatnot” with her friends and business partners. A tutoring bunch, they were. Supposedly. His head was hung and tears had begun to fall from his face when he noticed a piece of paper tucked into one baby’s blanket. When did that ninja of a woman do this, he thought. He maneuvered his hand up to the pull the paper out then held it between both hands in front of them. “Sherice and Shavaun” it said. “Well, at she gave you names,” he said aloud. The baby on his right cooed up at him. “Alright, you’ll be Sherice,” he said to her. Then he gently bounced the baby on his left. “And you’ll be Shavaun.” The infant closed her eyes and gave what he was sure was a smirk.

“Alright, Sherice is sleep and it’s just us. Tell me about this ‘friend’, auntie. Are we really taking a road trip for you to ‘come out’ to us? Everyone is gay now, auntie, so this really isn’t necessary,” Shavaun said matter-of-factly. Sage raised an eyebrow and turned quickly to look at the teen. “For real?” said Sage. Shavaun sank in her seat. “Well, gay or otherwise,” she shrugged her shoulders. Sage gave a knowing smile. Her slim face crinkled in the cheeks and at the eyes. Nearing her 40s, Aunt Sage was still pretty young. But you could tell by the glimmer in her hazel eyes that she had seen a lot; a lot that had changed her as a woman. “This friend of mine… is a one of a group of friends. We were a… sisterhood, you could say,” Sage started. Shavaun sat up and gave Aunt Sage her full attention. “Sisterhood? Y’all was a gang, auntie?!” she asked excitedly. Sage gave a hearty laugh. “Girl, bye. Not a gang, a band of sisters, like I said.” “A band? Y’all played music? I do remember Mom always mentioning drums…” replied Shavaun. Sage laughed again. “Stay in school, Sha. A band just means a group, a gaggle, a ‘grip’, as y’all say.” Shavaun nodded and Sage continued. “We met at different points in our lives and we added people as necessary, removed them as well, and we… worked together to make the world, our world a better place.” Shavaun’s eyes grew and grew, “You got super-powers or nah?” “No, girl! We’re ordinary women who did… extraordinary things.” “Tsk,” said Shavaun, smacking her lips, “That’s just extra and ordinary together, like, more especially plain. I hate that word.” “The ‘extra’ jacks it up a bit. This is why you need to stay your little partying behind in school,” Sage said. Shavaun smacked her lips again. “Anyway, child,” Sage said with a sigh, “We traveled all across this land, helping people, well one person in particular.” The nosey teen perked up at the slightest hint of a pending truth bomb. "A person who?” Sherice said in a sleepy voice. She had awakened from her cat nap and was perched on the floor between the two seats. “You should be in a seatbelt,” Sage said in a motherly tone. “Yeah, okay,” replied Sherice. Sage looked at her with the scorn of a mother. “I mean, you right, but I’m not about to. I need all this tea, Aunt…TEA,” Sherice said. Her and Shavaun giggled at such a silly misnomer. Their silliness kept a lot of dark and bad days from occurring for them and for this, Sage was thankful. She rolled her eyes at their immaturity but her heart smiled at their bond. “The ‘one person’ was the sister of a friend of ours; her name was name was Spring." The girls exchanged a look. "Was?" "Like, she died?" In unison they expressed their condolences, "Sorry, auntie." "Thanks girls but I actually never knew Spring." Both of them shocked, Sherice spoke first. "Okay, sorry but all this murder mystery hoopla is giving me a headache, Auntie." “Nah, she’s really just scared,” Shavaun teased. Her twin shot her an icy glare. “It ties into why your mom disappeared. I don’t want to get deep into right now but I promise, girls, you’ll know so much at the end of this trip,” Sage said. They could sense it was the end of her sharing so they refrained from asking more questions. A few moments of comfortable silence passed before she spoke again. “So, this friend we’re visiting, her name is Sloane.” “That’s a cool ass name,” commented Sherice. “She is a cool ass person,” said Sage. Sherice and Shavaun shared a surprised look that their aunt didn’t correct their bad language. But to be honest, they both knew Aunt Sage for being “that cool aunt”: the stay up late, eat junk food, say curse words kind of aunt, since they were small children.

“Sage, it’s Yasiin. I need you to… to meet me at my house, please. It’s urgent.” He sat down in the rocking chair with a heavy sigh, Sherice in his arms, Shavaun safely tucked into her bassinet. He was grateful to this day that she had at least given the girls names before abandoning them. The three days that had passed felt like an eternity to him, waking every few hours to feed, change, and bathe them. He had never had kids, didn’t even think he wanted them, until Sita got pregnant. Yasiin waited anxiously for Sage to return his call or show up and the 20 minutes it took for her to come by felt like hours. By this time, he was rocking both babies with his feet while he played Mortal Kombat X on his Xbox. Her tires screeched into his driveway. “She better not have marked up my concrete, man, dang!” he said.

Sage sat in her car for just a moment, staring up at her sister and brother’s giant house. “What the hell am I going to say?” she sighed. Sita had disappeared from the hospital and Sage was pretty sure the babies’ umbilical cords were dragging behind her. The image made her giggle. Then, it made her cry. Where in the world had she gone? Why would she leave without telling the crew? What did she know? Who was she chasing? Or worse, who was chasing her? Things had to be pretty bad for a woman to leave her children behind. Sita was so dedicated to the cause of saving Spring, more so than Sandra herself at times. The other women were constantly bringing her back from the ledge, pulling her down into reality. “This is just a hobby, Sita, not a mission,” Sage often said. “It would be a mission if it were my sister,” she would reply, a steely look in her sparkling hazel eyes. The tears kept falling as Sage remembered her fallen friend. Well, had she fallen? Now wasn’t the time to question herself. She took a breath, fixed her face, and exited the car. Every step felt heavier, walking to the giant oak door. She could see Yasiin through the glass, rocking two bouncing seats with his feet. She pushed the door and announced herself. “Bro, it’s me!” He made an awkward tumble over the back of the couch and raced into her arms, where he crumbled into tears. She comforted Yasiin and led him back to the couch. “What do you think happened to her, Sage? Is this part of that tutoring club crap you guys lie to me about? I know it’s a lie, Sage,” he spilled. Confronted and cornered, she had no reply.

Sage, where is my wife!?” he said, his fear turning to rage as his voice got louder. “Where the hell is my wife?!” He was standing now, tears streaming his chiseled chocolate face. “Yasiin, I-I can’t really say. I don’t know either!” she countered. “What am I supposed to do with these kids, Sage?” he continued. “Raise them, Yasiin! They are yours, too! You men, I swear!” she said, smacking her lips. “I didn’t plan on being a single parent of twins!” he seethed. Sage looked shocked and angered as she now stood face to face with him. “So had she died, what would you do, leave em there? You’re not the only one missing her! And you definitely don’t miss her most,” she hissed back. Her rising temper seemed to quash his and they both sat down again. “Yasiin, we are gonna figure this out,” sighed Sage. He glared her, confused, angry, but willing and ready to do whatever to bring his wife home. There was no way he was raising these babies by himself

“Auntie, I’m gettin’ hungry,” Shavaun said. She was crouched, searching the hotel-sized refrigerator for a snack. “There’s food in there, girl, use your eyes!” Sage shouted from the driver’s seat. “What is a ‘hummus’?” Shavaun muttered. “It’s chickpeas, seasonings, tahini, and olive oil. Pretty good with crackers,” answered Sherice, standing beside her sister and offering a roll of Ritz crackers. “Thanks, sis, you always come through for me,” Shavaun said. She sat the tub between them as they sat at the small table and ate. “I’m really glad we have each other, Sha. I mean, we have Auntie Sage but… it’s just us, ya know?” Sherice lamented. Shavaun nodded in agreement. They did a “cheers” of topped crackers and ate in silence as the RV rolled along.

After a while, they came to a stop. Sage put the RV in park and unbuckled. “Alright, everybody out. I’ve got someone for y’all to meet,” she announced. The girls clambered out of the vehicle and stood in front of a mostly abandoned gun shop with adjacent range. “What in God’s name…?” Sherice said under her breath. A slim figure with gray-streaked, wavy hair and tattered jeans stood smoking on the porch of the business. The woman stood, just a hair shorter than the low awning. Her boots clunked down the steps as she walked up to them. “Well, I’ll be,” the woman said in a slow drawl. She blew her smoke upwards and behind it, her grey eyes glittered while they assessed the women before them. “This… is Sloane!” Sage announced. She gave a paltry wave and the girls returned it just the same. “These really are Sita’s girls, huh? Wow,” she commented. The girls smiled at the mention of their mother’s name. “What was she like?” Sherice blurted; Shavaun elbowed her side. “I’m sorry, I just… I love hearing about her,” Sherice said quietly. Sloane smiled. “Quite alright, cutie. She was an amazing woman and you should be proud of her. Before she disappeared, she was something special, that’s for sure.” “They are hungry for hot food and my hummus ain’t cuttin’ it. Got any food in there?” Sage asked. Sloane nodded and turned to the shop. She flipped the “closed” sign and locked the door behind them. Attached to the shop was a small apartment. “You live where you work?” Shavaun asked. “Short commute,” Sloane replied. As Sloane rustled up some home-made cheeseburgers, Sherice and Shavaun helped, cutting the tomatoes and lettuce. Seated on her couches, the crew tore into the food. “Dude, this is way better than any fast food burger!” Sherice exclaimed. Shavaun nodded in agreement. “I assume you’ll wanna hear how I know your mama and your aunt,” Sloane said. She got up to get another burger. Both of the girls nodded this time. “Guess I’ll start with how I met Sandra…” Sloane said.

Sloane Emrit?” “Yep!” “The response is ‘here’. When I call your name, please say ‘here’.” “….here.” “Thank you.” “You ain’t welcome.” “Sandra Emtek?” “Here!” “And Spring Emtek?” “Also here!” Giggles. “Sisters?” “TWINS!” “Alrighty. Stephen Gregory?”

“Sandy, I’m hungry,” said Spring. “You’re always hungry, Spring!” The two sisters were leaving the adult school they both attended at night, hopeful of obtaining their biological history and art history degrees; Spring for biological degree and Sandra for the art. Twins but different in every way. Such is the case with fraternal twins. They were sitting in the parking lot, their yellow VW Beetle would not start and it was getting late. They heard a “clunk-ching-clunk” stepping towards them. Spring clasped Sandra’s hand in fear. “Need some help, ladies?” said a drawling but womanly voice. Spring felt instantly relaxed and let go. “Yes! We do! Our stupid car won’t start!” “Don’t call Betsy ‘stupid!’” Sandra snapped. The car was a gift for their 18th birthday/graduation and 3 years later, it was holding up just fine. Spring rolled her eyes. “It’s just a car.” “It’s our car and it takes care of us very well. Don’t call her stupid,” Sandra hissed. The woman in front of them cleared her throat to get their attention. Her gray eyes danced as she smiled at the battling duo. “I think it’s the battery,” she said sheepishly. The woman opened the driver’s side door, located the latch for the hood, and had it jacked up in under 30 seconds. “Whoa,” Spring said in surprise. The gray-haired mysterio (or mysteria?) jiggled the connections of the battery and made a face. “Kinda loose but y’all should be alright with a lil’ jump. I’ll pull my car around.” She “clunk-ching-clunked” away and soon, a roar could be heard tearing through the lot. She stopped her shiny black Corvette in front of their car within an inch. Again working against an invisible clock, she popped her own hood, hooked up their batteries, and had Betsy purring in no time. Spring grabbed her in a hug and the shocked woman stiffened then kindly patted her on the back. “Oh man thank you sooo much! I am starving!” exclaimed Spring. “Um, no big deal. Us women gotta look out for each other, you know,” said the helpful woman. Sandra opted for a handshake. “We really owe you one.” “No biggie, doll. I’m Sloane, by the way,” said the woman. “Ooh another ‘S’ name! I’m Spring and this is my bossy but beautiful, three-minutes-older sister, Sandra. I call her Sandy, like the cookie,” Spring gushed. Sandra rolled her eyes at her sister’s eagerness. “We just moved here to Lexington. We came all the way from the west coast,” Spring continued. A nudge from Sandra got her to stop talking. “That’s cool. I just moved here from Jersey. I was born in Alabama and uh, that city life wasn’t fittin’ me,” said Sloane. She didn’t want Spring to feel out of place and she was right; the woman beamed at her sharing and she beamed right back.

First time she had smiled in a while. Sucks how abuse can suck the life right out of you, thought Sloane. Then she pushed that thought back and focused on her new friends. She couldn’t tell what it was but she felt a bond with them already. It was as if she had been drawn to them. Coming out of class, she had dropped her last cigarette and it rolled under the car. She had to maneuver to get to it and it’s almost as if that setback is what kept her behind in the parking lot and able to help them out. Fate, her grandma would say. But where was her grandma when she was being beat? She dragged her fingers through her long waves to quell the anger rising. “You okay?” asked Sandra. She could sense the Sloane’s instability but nothing that made her afraid of the once-stranger. “Yeah, Sandy, I’m alright. Just hungry myself,” answered Sloane. “Well, Sandy is going to get us cheeseburgers tonight. It’s Friday and that’s ‘Burger Day’ at our place! Just like Mom and Dad used to do, right Sandy?” Spring quipped. Sandra couldn’t help but smile at her sister’s childlike innocence. “Yeah, Spring, it is. Would you like to join us, Sloane? We’re right up the street,” Sandra offered. A home-cooked meal? Sloane couldn’t say no. “Heck yeah. I’ve been eating burgers since I got here but I swear, there is nothing like a homemade burger!” she raved. Spring clapped her hands with glee. “Yay to new friends!” she squealed. The women got in their respective cars and Sloane followed them home.

Once inside their two-bedroom apartment, Sandra began prepping the burgers and Sloane offered to help. Spring fed their pet cat Nate then found some music for their impromptu party. “So if you live so close, why do y’all drive?” asked Sloane. “Well, Spring is… different. I’m sure you could tell,” said Sandra. The heaviness in her voice indicated she had been dealing with her sister’s “difference” for quite some time. “Yeah, sweet little thing, she is,” Sloane said with a chuckle. “Yeah, sweet. Well, she gets freaked by loud noises and the cars kind of scare her. It’s just safer, you know?” said Sandra. Sloane nodded, continuing to cut the tomatoes. “My turn for a question. Why have you been eating out so much?” Sandra asked. “Kinda homeless, I guess. I mean, I sleep in the ‘Vette, shower at school, but I don’t really live anywhere,” Sloane said. She shocked herself at how easily she gave up such pertinent information. But Sandra emanated a warmth, a sense of safety that Sloane remembered from her grandmother. "So you'll stay with us," Spring squealed. She was setting the table, a stool pulled up for a third seat. Sloane set down her chopping knife and observed her new roommates. Similar in height and that was it. Spring was rather rotund and had long, black ringlets that hung past her waist. Her emerald green eyes were sat deep in her face, hidden by her bulbous cheeks when she smiled. Which she did often. She wore a white t-shirt with a powder blue collar and a smock dress that matched. Sandra looked like a leftover hippie with her blonde locs, tied up shirt, and paisley print pants. Her eyes were such a dark shade of brown that they appeared black in the dim lights of their home. Sloane only noticed the color while they were in the parking lot. Spring's skin tone was a honeyed butter light brown while Sandra's was dark like an infamous chocolate bar, synonymous with a Pennsylvanian city. "Well, ya gonna stand and stare or can I get some cheese on my burgers?" Sandra was standing in front of Sloane, arms filled with plates holding steaming burgers on buns and hot fries. Another sheepish grin from Sloane as she placed slices of cheese on the burgers and picked up the tray of toppings to carry to the table.

The trio was all seated when Spring grabbed Sloane’s hand and bowed her head. “Dear Heavenly Father… thank you. Amen,” she said. “Amen,” chimed Sloane and Sandra. Finally, thought Sloane, a real family.

Sandra, Spring, and Sloane remained close from that moment on, even moving into a small 3-bedroom house so that Sloane could stop sharing Spring’s bottom bunk. During college, they all took on jobs to help them cover rent and other living expenses. Sandra became an paid apprentice to a locally famed artist and sometimes taught art in the evenings at a pottery shop; Sloane worked as a sales associate in a nearby gun shop; and Spring was chosen for prestigious tutelage with a well-known chemist. He, Dr. Fotog, offered her pay after one week of seeing how hard she worked. Dr. Fotog went so far as to say Spring was a savant- she did not seem intelligent through basic conversation but her biological knowledge and understanding of human chemistry surpassed many of his honors students. When Spring went to work for him, he was supposedly on the brink of developing a cure for the common cold. With Spring’s assistance and knowledge, that brink was soon becoming a reality, according to Spring.

Everything was finally starting to look up.... Until Spring went missing.

“You’re sure you haven’t seen her, Sloane?” Sandra asked, the panic in her voice audible. Sloane shook her head and dragged her hands through her hair. She could swear she grew three new grays today. Neither Sloane nor Sandra had spoken to or seen Spring in over a week. It was not unlike her to spend long days in the lab with Dr. Fotog, sometimes only coming home in the wee morning hours to change, eat, feed Nate, then she was off again. But more than a week without either one of them seeing any sign of her caused righteous panic. Sloane noticed after day two when the house cat, Nate, was swirling around her legs, yowling for food. Nate and Sloane never interacted, not even on a good day. This caused her worry but she didn’t feel the need to alert Sandra. Now with it closing in on two weeks without a sign of Spring, Sloane felt guilt at not speaking up about her friend and housemate’s absence. Sandra was pacing the living room, sometimes pressing her palm to their large front window, almost as if she was summoning her sister home. “What do you think happened, Sloane?” Sandra asked. The worst, thought Sloane. “I have literally no idea. I’m hoping… for the best,” she lied. “Maybe that breakthrough came through and she’s just… really focused.” Sandra turned to Sloane with a frown. “Spring? Focused? Too focused to feed Nate for over a week? Highly unlikely, Sloane.” Sloane shrugged apologetically. “I said I’m hoping for the best.” Sandra sighed and flopped herself onto the couch, covering her eyes in agony. “How am I going to tell my parents that she’s… Spring is… she’s…” she began to choke on the words and could not bring herself to say them. Sloane sat down beside her friend and laid a comforting arm around her shoulders. “Spring is missing,” she said quietly. The words themselves brought on an onslaught of tears to them both.

The next few months were filled with police reports, canvassing the area with flyers, candlelight vigils, and many sleepless nights for the two. Spring and Sandra’s parents came for the first few weeks but after too many days with too little answers, they left Sandra on her own. Sandra was used to being left alone to deal with Spring but this was new, different, and very scary. “We’re going to find her, Sandy,” Sloane said one day. It had been almost 10 years since Spring went missing. Dr. Fotog went on to win numerous awards for curing the common cold then inoculating people against it. In every acceptance speech, he mentioned “his angel from above without whom he would have found the cure and whom he wishes could be beside him to celebrate”. Sandra and Sloane had graduated but it did not seem like something to celebrate in the absence of their comrade. Sandra carried her picture across the stage and accepted a posthumous Baccalaureate Degree of Biological Science in her honor. When asked if she would speak at their commencement, Sandra only said one thing. “My sister should be here.” With that, she walked off the stage and straight to the parking lot where Sloane followed. The two had collapsed in the yellow bug, a mess of tears, confusion, and anger. They made homemade burgers and fries to celebrate, Spring’s favorite, and ate a homemade chocolate cake with strawberry filling, also a favorite of hers. “Congrats, sis,” Sandra had said to the empty chair. Sloane, still on her same stool, had raised her glass to Spring’s chair as well. The women went on with life as usual, spending all of their unoccupied time searching and theorizing about where Spring could have gone.

Until one day her body was found in a shallow grave near a creek behind the school. The details of her death too gruesome. (For this first story, anyway.)

Three years had gone by since Spring’s body was found. What was a mission to bring their sister home now became a dying vow to avenge her death. Through hard work and discipline, they were able to buy the little Victorian home. “This is what she would have done, what she would have wanted,” Sandra said when her and Sloane signed the papers to become joint owners of the home. In the “dark times”, as Sloane called the years following, Sandra went on to get a master’s degree and began teaching art at the local community college, continuing with her nighttime class at the pottery shop; Sloane was still working in the gun shop but had worked her way up to assistant manager or as she called it, “Second Gun in the Sun”, since the shop was named “Sunny’s Guns”. Ten years later, they had still not found one single sign of a killer and had zero leads.

“Well, that wraps up our lesson tonight. Tips are very much appreciated. I know you all paid for the class online but the cash tips I receive here go to S.A.S.S.I., a foundation I started in honor of my missing sister, Spring Emtek, who went missing almost 20 years ago and was found brutally murdered.” Sandra was wrapping up another late-night class at the pottery shop. She hugged her regulars goodnight and waved to first timers. A tall, portly Black woman felt her way to the door and stopped to drop a sizeable tip in the jar. “Good luck!” she called out. Sandra raced to the door, counted the $500 in tips, and grabbed the woman’s arm. “Hey, ma’am, wait. I realize you’re blind and… and I don’t think you meant to leave this much,” she said. The woman smiled. Her milky white eyes were stunning against her midnight-black skin. “It’s five hundred, right?” the woman said. “Yeah, yeah it is. Wow… thank you,” said Sandra. She was moved to tears by the gracious gesture, sniffling and wiping them away shyly. “Don’t cry,” the woman said. “How did you…. That’s rude, I’m sorry,” Sandra stuttered. The woman reached down and grabbed Sandra’s hand. “I’m blind, not deaf,” she said with a smile. Sandra squeezed the woman’s hand again as she pulled away.

“Sloane! Sloane come ‘ere!” Sandra shouted as she entered the home. Large, balding, and gray, Nate sauntered from his spot in the window and up to Sandra’s legs. He had taken a liking to her in Spring’s long absence. Also very gray but not yet balding, Sloane also sauntered into the living room. “What’s up, Chuck?” she sighed. Her face was long and tired, as if work did not go as well as usual. “Wait what’s up with you first?” Sandra asked concerned. Sloane shrugged and Sandra left it at that. Another one of her “bad days”, she thought. “Well, anyway, look!” She held out the five hundred-dollar-bills with a grin. “Whoa, what kind of class did you teach tonight?” Sloane said surprised. “This really nice lady just… left it. I’m assuming she heard about Spring’s case back in the day and wanted to help. I still get a few stragglers like that, you know,” Sandra explained. Sloane nodded. Then her eyes lit up. “Guns!” “What?” “Guns! And bribes! We can get some pretty nice guns for that amount and you know… maybe we can get some answers from that Dell guy with a bit more…firepower.” “AbsoLUTEly not, Sloane! We are not gunning people down!” “Do you want to find your sister’s killer or not?” “Really? Is that even a question?!” “Well, do you? By any means necessary, baby. Malcolm X style!” “You are NUTS, Sloane!” “I am… nuts about my friend.” “If you miss her that much, imagine how I feel? Now multiply it!” “I have! Look, let’s stop talking and do this!” “…okay.” Sandra wasn’t sure what exactly “this” was but she knew she had to do more than sitting down, theorizing, and canvassing the area for her sister’s killer. The coming fall would make 20 years since her disappearance, 10 years since her murder, and they didn’t have a single clue as to who could have maimed such a sweet soul. Sloane grabbed herself and Sandra a beer from the fridge; she also grabbed a lockbox she kept stashed behind the fridge while she was up. She sat it all down on the coffee table and kicked her feet up. “Open it,” she commanded of Sandra. Sandra opened the beer and sat back. “No,” Sloane said with a laugh, “the box. Open the box.” Sandra smirked. She flipped the two tabs and opened the box. It contained a lot of cash. Straight cash money. “Sloane…” she said curiously. “With that $500, it’s now at exactly ten grand,” Sloane said confidently. “Sloane!” “Well,” said Sloane. “I really wanna find her killer, man. I’ve been stashing cash, I’m not sure for what, but now, now I know. We can use this to bribe people, buy unmarked guns, hire a team, whatever we need. Let’s do right by her, Sandy.” At that familiar nickname, Sandra teared up. She clasped Sloane’s hand and raised it triumphantly. “For Spring!” The two took long sips from their beers and smiled. No plan exactly but the idea was there. They were going to finally find her sister’s killer and let her soul rest in peace.

“This has GOT to be the most interesting story I’ve ever heard!” Shavaun exclaimed. Sherice nodded in agreement. “I wanna know how this all leads to mom’s death but I get it- gotta know the backstory first!” Sloane nodded. By now the party had moved to the porch and was watching the sun set. The girls were excitedly sharing their favorite parts of the story when a cloud of dust following a speeding car could be seen coming up the dirt road. “Whoa, what bat just flew outta hell?” Sage said. Sloane smirked. “Oh that bat is hell.” The girls exchanged a worried look. “Oh boy,” said Sage. “Who is it?” the twins asked in unison. “Well, that would be… my ex-lady, Sonia,” Sloane said coolly. She stood, just as she had to meet the girls. The speeding black Corvette careened up the dirt walkway to Sloane’s shop and stopped just inches of the stairs. In another thick puff of dust, the driver’s side door swung open and the tallest woman either of them had ever seen got out. Her long blonde hair swirled about her shoulders in the wind. With a sexy strut, she sauntered up to the group. “Sloane,” she said calmly. “Sonia,” said Sloane in the same tone. “These are my nieces,” Sage said after a moment of awkwardness. The ice cold cool woman lowered her glasses to look at the girls. “Definitely Sita’s girls,” she said matter-of-factly. The girls smiled at the mention of their glorified angel. “Well, I’m Sonia, and since you’re here, I suppose it's time I should tell you how I fit into this story,” said the blonde. The more she talked, the girls noticed she did not have the same drawl as Sloane. “Where are you from?” asked Shavaun. “Australia,” said Sonia. “And how did you end up here?” asked Sherice. “That you’ll find out soon enough. But I suggest we get outta this hellhole and make our way. The anniversary is coming soon and I’d rather not miss it,” she said. She turned on the heel of her boots and stalked towards the RV. “Just like that, we’re out?” Shavaun whispered. Sherice, knowing no answer, just shrugged and scrambled down the stairs after the trio. Sloane was shaking her head and Sage was laughing. “Auntie, where to next?” Sherice called out. “On to Sonia’s part, I guess!” shouted Sage.

#black blogger #black author #black women write #new black books #ya books #ya books of color #black girl magic #sassi #sassi the story #gemsfromagemini

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