#SCREAMING I GOTTA MOVE OUT

[tvnacity]

I GOT INTO A PHD PROGRAM

#SCREAM #I haven’t accepted bc they said they’re still figuring out funding stuff and they gotta pay me if I’m moving my ass >1000 miles #I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE #the amount of work that went into all of this #like I have a big weakness on my application. I thought for sure I’d never get in anywhere #like #the sheer multitude of applications I did at all #so much extra work getting in contact with PIs and such too #literally I was doing nothing but grad school apps for MONTHS #literally like I #omg #I’ll probs make a big emo post abt this too but I #AAAAAH #lucy speaks

[rainbow-arrow]

they're finally realizing what will grab my attention to finish this season

#let's go #luka couffaine #mlb #ml #miraculous season 5 spoilers #now i gOTTA catch up by saturday #(i already knew he was in the finale it was one of the spoilers i saw) #i love this boy with my whole heart and i can pretend i've moved on but i haven't #and i care so much but i honestly have no fucking idea what's happened past like #episode 11 #kitty noire really got to me y'all i wanted luka with the cat #anywho i did scream bc they open with this but he's not in any other scene from the trailer that just came out

[craykaycee]

I made a new brush and I think it gave me powers

#move out the way bois (gender-neutral) I'm ARTING- #but I gotta eep now- #cray kay scream

[muppetsnoopy]

I can't show you guys cause I don't post my face on here but I just got my grad pictures back and some of them are even okay :)

#u just gotta believe me ok you promise u believe me im not lying ok #the most tragic part is the ones where they had me do some stupid pose came out the best because i was LAUGHING #they were like 'sit on this chair and look back over your shoulder at the camera' and it was sooo goofy dumb #but anyway i got one that can go in the class composite and my parents can decide if they wanna order any others #harrowing process tho #like i dont MIND being photographed and im pretty good at smiling for pictures #but it was like thirty minutes of being moved around like a little doll #'perch here. cross your ankles. not your legs your ankles. ok slide your right foot forward a bit. not that much #ok chin up. tilt your head. tilt it less. now look at me. turn your torso not your head keep that where it was. ok now smileee!' #screams and shrieks #anyway :) seeing myself in the cap and gown for the first time did make it feel Real which was kinda cool #like im almost DONE. five years of my life and soon ill have a fancy piece of paper to show for it #wack. #molly speaks

[motorcycleboy9]

you have no clue what kind of horrifying crime ideas I have in my mind after spending my afternoon in a house with 4 children

#i can't possibly handle it when there's more than one kid in a house #in summer i gotta grab the only property i owe and go live in a tent on the streets #if one of them starts cryibg i want just to shoot them all #for the context they're all 3-7 yo and im the only teen kid this is fucking stressing #each weekend day i wake up accompanied by screaming right behind my door #i need an anti barking device but for kids #cant wait to move out of my aunt's house but the other way I'm homeless #in summer i gotta grab the only property i own and go live in a tent on the streets #nickyapping

[traggalicious]

Warning: err violent? Thoughts?

I want to rip tear bite i want to chomp into baldurs gate and taste its essence i want to remove my organs and replace them with those of the characters i want to Be in the game i am goung to Yell if i cannot be there i want my brain to calm the fuck down i am worried but i am also holyy fuckckkk the music is so good the characters are so good and i need to help them all and i need to be them all and kill them all and die and live and be and fucking fuck i dont words all i have rn is Violence and Hitting and Flapping and ow.

#tw: violent thoughts #look guys #i just needed to get this out #lmao #bc i will not sleep #i mean this hasnt helped much bc i am Buzzing yall #but yano #a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do #(scream and shout and express violent desires… over a video game) #honestly struggling not to grit my teeth bc i fear they’ll crack #i feel like gale if the netherese orb was an active moving animal in him like #an evil rat king flailing about in his chest cavity encircled by flame and scrabbling to escape #yanno #taht totally makes sense #someone help im actually a bit concerned #suffice it to say #i will not rest in peace tonight /ref #the soundtrack fucks #how unhealthy is this scale of 1-10 #i am in tears #i feel like an anime character having an ofdly animated breakdown #im gonna throw up #i might scream but yk not allowed to do that rn #send help #man i rlly should take my meds ahha #traggy’s shit

[cashmonei]

Were the acnh devs like, Okay when they were programming the way flower breeding works in this fucking game. I thought it was literally just colour mixing. Why are there actual at least semi irl accurate genes in these. What.

#fox screeches #the screeches part is actually accurate now methinks #bc i am screaming crying throwingup sbt this. i just want blue wildflowers #animal crosing new horizons #in other news tho. audie finally agreed to move in. so now ive just gotta get The Uglies out of my fkn house

[todayisafridaynight]

one of my fave things bout minedai is that daigo could do Literally Anything- even the most benign, innocuous thing yet it could unintentionally cause mine to short circuit for the next five hours

#snap chats #ive been having minedai brainrot all day but i dont have the energy or ideas to execute any ideas #so i will simply just ramble bout it until something comes to me #prob wont draw anythin for a bit tho- ive drawn a lot lately and im busy with stuff. Of Which Include Drawing LMAO #listen thats comm stuff its different but anyways let me continue my ramble #i think of a lot of silly lil comics and drawings but the punchline is inevitably Mine Has A Heart Attack Over Daigo Existing #i wouldnt mind drawing that all day but man i cant imagine it'd be fun to see over and over- i guess it depends on execution #but no fr i just keep thinkin of simple shit like. like idk maybe they're walkin in the street together #and just the way they have to shuffle around other people daigo has to press against him for a hot minute #And It Is A Hot Minute mine's screaming internally because daigo's so close and even if theyre in the middle of the city #he's all he can focus on somehow- the way his suit feels and the subtle ways the muscles /under/ his suit shift and move #meanwhile daigo's just I'm So Sorry Mine :( I Didn't Think It'd Be This Crowded Today :( #brb gotta reread some of my fave fics cause they capture this aspect i love so well #god i gotta start writing my own shit though i just love talking about and explorin this idea If Not Just Them In General #but im Not Good at writing <:) or at least it's hard for me to think of an idea idk #once i have an idea then i can pump something out but alas nothing's come to mind #ok i'ma wrap up this ramble because i went all over the place by accident oops </3 #i'll be back in one way or another

[shararan]

tfw you cant write because no manner of seating arrangement currently works without major pain and your body feels like its about to fall apart into pieces jfc if it aint the neck its the shoulders or lower back or elbows

#sharan talks #bed was too soft for my lower back today so moved to my desk #which hurt my shoulders #and now sitting in kitchen #which hurts my neck #basically everything from my joints to my muscles to my skin #are all just brittle to the point of constant pain and fragility #like i dont have the strength to fight against gravitys pull because im too bendy and weak to yknow #urghhhhhhh #at least if doctors didnt wave it off as “its not curable anyway so dont bother” maybe i could get the diagnoses and access to resources #but no i gotta sit here and micromanage everything with the flesh and get unsolicited comments and tips #both snarky and well intentioned but misguided #meanwhile i have no means to truly stand up for myself cause while i have my suspicions i also dont know for sure #i just know that im in pain and that im beyond the point of returning to being able to push through and pretend that im fine #and that ill always be blamed for being the cause of my medical complications that stem from things out of my control #ugh im sorry im rambling and its super annoying and personal just #ive been a mess in the head about this ever since the wake surgery where they didnt listen to me when i told them anesthesia didnt work #and i felt every single thing they did to my skin and laid there in cold sweat trying not to scream or cry #and then having to toughen up so i could take the bus home immediately after without breaking down into panic from the shock #ughhhhhh #its hard NOT to feel hopeless when i sit here and cant even WRITE. #because i cant sit up reliably by my own strength and my thumbs are so bad that i cant write on my phone anymore #ive already been forced to accept that drawing will always be rough for me physically i dont wanna have to do that with writing too #and i know im being overly dramatic rn because im worked up and stressed and sad but goddamn its so hard to stay positive as time passes #which i know is also because its winter which makes it so much worse + seasonal depression #and i KNOW itll be easier when spring and summer returns with warmth #but fucking hell until then can i just go into hibernation #ugh i need to stop im gonna cry JDSKLLKGKGLLGDLK #and i need to lay down im clenching my jaw too hard trying to stay right up

[bogkeep]

we did it! we cleaned up the apartment and handed in the keys. i'm officially Moved Out, of the first ever place i actually Moved Out to, and i think it was a pretty good stint. i'm so relieved that part's done, but now i'm also SAD, because it was a place that was My Home, and right now i don't have a place that is My Home - i have somewhere to stay, but that's different. you'd think my parent's house would be My Home, because it was for so so long, but it turns out life is just an endless hero's journey where you keep returning to places to find that it's too different, you're too different to belong in the same way. my brother took my old room so now i'm staying in his old room (which was mine before that again), but it's full of so much stuff there's barely room for mine. even when we visited my grandparents, the room we usually stay over at has been occupied by a running machine, so there's barely any room for anything or anyone else in there, too. it's like everywhere i go to there's no real room for me, but i'll squeeze in, it's fine. i just feel unmoored, and it won't be forever, it's just for now. makes me sad though! anyway here's the last picture i took from my last living space. i think i took the exact same picture every time it bloomed because i love the shoujo-esque framing of the trashcans. what's life without a little romance

#and now i gotta figure out where the hell im gonna actually live. in sweden. screams #I'LL FIGURE IT OUT IM JUST. I WANNA REST A BIT FIRST #also shoutout to my friends who've helped me move and clean because i genuinely dont know how i'd do without them??????? #the power of fucking friendship saves my life ten times over

[slippery-minghus]

i would love to go into a store someday and not have to fucking feel like i'm about to explode like a fucking nuke and shit myself within 5 minutes of being in there.

like.

please.

p

l

e

a

s

e

#every. fucking. time. #what is it about stores!! that make my guts want to go nuclear!!! #for a little while i was okay with my regular grocery store #but then they rearranged and i'll still go way out of my way to get there even after i moved but??? #since everything's in different places??? #my guts are like UH OH GOTTA SHIT #how am i supposed to shop quickly and get out of there before i end up in meltdown if i cant think straight because #every ounce of focus is going to keeping my entire digestive tract from falling out of my ass??? #it's DISGUSTING #and IM SICK OF IT #i at least managed to get home without cracking any of the eggs i bought #even though i didnt even make it out of the parking lot before the bag fell over #and then as soon as i set it down in my kitchen it fell over again(: #somehow none of them broke #and i am woefully unsatisfied that the gouge i bit into my hand trying to keep from screaming and actually melting down wont bruise #because i never bruise #(and i'm trying. i'm trying to be mindful of the xacto knife i bought for my craft project. trying not to think about other uses. trying.) #personal

[battlelegendsredandblue]

Hey Red, there’s a lot of rumors that you can actually understand Pokémon (or at least just your team) - true? false? maybe? Ty you r cool

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#pokemon irl #irl pokemon #pkmn irl #//ooc: this is a toughie. i always thought the consensus was you can’t understand in a literal sense but they can you when giving out moves #//ooc: but you gotta like work it out sometimes what they want. like your cat screaming at you at 4 in the morning for food. #//ooc: least i go by that logic.

[asteraws]

i too will pop in and say i LOVE ur art!!!! the SHAPJS and the COLORS and the PALETTES the brushes 😭😭😭😭 im feasting rn i wish u a happy octopath year

WOW TYSM T___T glad u enjoy my art heehee <33333

#asks #yall r very sweet #and yes it indeed is a happy octopath year im enjoying the game so much #been busy moving back home from school for health issues tho so i havent had much time to sit down n draw haha #BUT ALSO I GOTTA UPDATE YALL while i was unpacking for like 3 days straight i watched a professor layton stream #and now im in love with the series #screamed abt it sm on my alt twt acc like ITS SO FUN AND GOOD IM IN LOVE W THE PROPECHER #i might actually buy the new game when it comes out on switch.... thinking.... but im also ass at puzzles....... hrmm....

[yardsards]

HATE how moving to a new apartment requires so much CLEANING the old apartment

#eliot posts #im still packing and cleaning and i'm in Hell #i'm set to move in uh. two days. #i'm not even halfway done. #and my apartment is a fucking MESS so i gotta pick stuff up off the ground and out it in boxes #luckily shit doesn't need to be packed THAT well bc my new place is just a few blocks away #i'm just gonna be making a ton of trips in my shitty lil hyundai #im just. eughhh. #i hate cleaning so bad you would not even believe #confession it once got so bad (bc mental illness that time not just me being Like This) i straightup hired a maid #just as a one-time deal and just to clean my kitchen and dining area #(bc the bedroom and living room messes were just clutter only i knew where to put. and i was able to keep the bathroom clean by myself) #i paid her 1.5x the price she was asking because it was so nasty and i felt guilty lol #do not regret it one bit bc it was so bad my brain just shut down and didn't know where to start #my sister is naturally so tidy and i'm so jealous of her #she says she finds cleaning relaxing and a nice way to relieve stress #but cleaning stresses me out SO BAD i keep on feelin like im about to get screamed at and berated for doing it wrong the whole time #idk how we ended up so opposite on that front like??? we got abused by the same gotdam mother

[void-critters]

EA give me my infant life stage I want to revive miraculousims

#nonsims #personal in the tags ig #i'm not at all caught up on the show but I wanna play with the babies >:C #i gotta build them a new house tho #bc the original house i was gonna move them to with the boys was uhhh #built by an ex-friend #and i dont want to use anything that reminds me of him #bc somehow i *know* he still looks at my stuff and I don't want him showing up out of the blue to scream at me. again.

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

Moodboard

#gets good grades to the point of weirding out teachers but cannot cope with daily life #literally sorry but imagine what i could've done if i hadnt been traumatised for life since like birth. #literally not to be that person but this is eating me alive #mentor talked about a previous student of his with a similar amount of shitty incidents in his life #and how he'd asked said student whether they felt 'struck by fate/doom' and i was like yea that's exactly how it feels #get born to shit parents who have a shit divorce and 1 is certifiably insane #the other moves his horrible gf in who proceeds to abuse you until you develop worse dissociative symptoms #and then ur dad has to kick u out bc he is also out of options #so u go live w ur certified insane mother who apparently pulled a knife on ur dad!!! #and who pulls hair out of your head and lies to the police #u end up in a clinic where someone tells your dad 4 the 1st time he cant just threaten you #you end up in a grouphome where no one has time and your crying is ignored and turns into wailing and screaming #because youre 16 years old and have never learnt to regulate ur own emotions + fear someone will come in and kick your ass into silence #ur 20 and end up in a different place with a front door that locks and staff that respects your humanity #and you just. gotta try to pick whats left of ur life back up #the pain + exhaustion + emptiness vs good people and good grades and the idea of a good future #but one you can never rly get because you don't have the capacity anymore