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adamwatchesmovies · 3 years
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Charming (2021)
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Charming is a feeble attempt at lampooning fairytales the same way Shrek did back in 2001. Dated, poorly acted, kind of ugly, unfunny, and with an utterly forgettable soundtrack, this attempt at a revisionist’s fairytale is pointless.
As an infant, Prince Philippe Charming (Wilmer Valderrama) was cursed by the wicked fairy Nemeny Neverwish (Nia Vardalos). Any woman who sets eyes on him falls instantly in love but he is incapable of reciprocating their feelings. Through multiple attempts to find "the one", he’s rescued and become engaged to Snow White (Avril Lavigne), Cinderella (Ashley Tisdale), and Sleeping Beauty (G.E.M.) but is still no closer to breaking the curse. In a last-ditch attempt, he goes on a quest that’ll put his skills and courage to the test. Fortunately, the pampered ruler receives help in the form of a guide: a thief in disguise named Lenore (Demi Lovato).
It isn’t only the cannibal women with dresses and jewelry eerily reminiscent of Africa and Thailand that makes this feel like it was made much earlier than 2017 (it’s only getting a North American release now, a great sign). It’s the concept itself. Obviously, Lenore begins developing feelings for Prince Philippe - feelings unrelated to the curse because her heart was previously hardened far too much. She’s an adventurer, he’s a pampered fool, which (in theory) would make this a reversal of the traditional Disney Princess story. Make no mistake, it is specifically riffing on Disney, as we see a Middle-Eastern lady wearing the same outfit as Jasmine, a bookworm with the same clothes as Belle, a red-haired fishmonger who poses like Arielle, and more. Here’s the thing. Disney hasn’t made movies like the ones Charming is poking fun at since 1995. In the meantime, we’ve had Moana, Elsa, Vaneloppe, and other princesses that are anything but damsels in distress. The studio itself has made fun of its supposedly powerless female leads so often it's getting old. Why's this movie only making these jokes now?
Charming indulges in the same cliches it’s supposedly satirizing. The film has an all-but-useless animal sidekick for Lenore, the leads fall in love within a matter of days, the villain is an afterthought, Charming’s mother is dead (this might’ve been to avoid any weird incestuous questions), the hero has a fairy godmother that shows up in one scene and then never does anything else, and more. It’s like the gags aimed at the classic stories were included when they realized they were copying those same movies in an attempt to make themselves look better.
Looking at the cast, you might notice a trend. Most of the voice actors are not actors at all, they’re singers. Are the lackluster performances counterbalanced by sweet tunes? Certainly with Fall Out Boy’s Patrick Stump involved, there’s hope, right? Well, yes. The songs are well performed, but they’re also useless. Rather than drive the plot forward or include exposition, the tunes are the musical equivalent of junk food. In most musicals, you look forward to the end credits so you can hear the best number one more time. In Charming, the final reprise only allows you to remember the “best” piece long enough to last until the final name scrolls off the screen. An hour after the movie a wicked stepmother could threaten to turn you to stone unless you recite three lines in a row and you wouldn’t be able to.
The only good thing about Charming is that it is so flawed, and it does so many things wrong anyone watching should be able to find a reason to dislike it. Could be the irritating characters, lame gags, unpleasant-looking character designs, afterthought of the villain, or what is without a doubt the weakest mix-up leading to a breakup I’ve ever seen. Charming so aptly proves you can’t break the rules without first knowing them film courses should consider including it in their curriculum. (May 28, 2021)
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welsheldorado · 6 years
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Here’s another closer view of the cover I did for a comic book for the musical geniuses and exceptional band, @walkofftheearth (logo and text treatment by @jgonzoart). If you’re in a city where #woteworldtour18 is stopping, check them out (and pick up this comic on sale on their merch table). If you’re not in a town they’re visiting, get there to one tout d’suite! #Repost @walkofftaylor with @get_repost ・・・ Day 2 - Walk Off The Earth US Tour, Santa Ynez, California. Our first band comic book makes its debut at the merch booth this eve. Got to love firsts! #walkofftheearth #comicbooks . . . @wotelingcrew #comics #augmentedreality #animation #illustratorsoninstagram @edhanimation @rossvenokur
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