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8hsaturn · 1 year

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-- my astrology observations pt.1

Aquarius risings with Neptune on the ascendant can be extremely popular for their appearance amongst their peers, they’re also pretty influential and can be copied very often if Uranus is conjunct the ASC. They tend to have an immaculate fashion sense especially if paired with Taurus placements.

What separates Libra from Taurus is their way of expressing Venusian energy: Taurus, fixed earth, expresses it through a beautiful voice and coveted seduction, they’re down to earth and aware that they’re naturally attractive, acting chill and not being a try-hard is their trick. libra, cardinal air, on the other hand, isn’t scared to shake things up and keep people on their toes, they’d flirt to see how well their charm works and would change “tactics” to hook people in. they’re cardinal and so know how to spark someone’s interest but their air nature can make them pull away before they feel trapped. Taurus alternatively might prefer to simply sit because they know they attract people without moving a finger. Both can be very charming but also difficult to pin down especially as they grow older and more in tune with their Venusian nature.

As someone who always does readings for my friends, I noticed people with similar majors tend to have similar placements! law/political science majors tend to have a lot of Libra or just Libra on the angles and even 7th-house placements. IT/coding majors tend to have a lot of Scorpio/Virgo/Aquarius. actually, you can even guess why they chose the major from their chart.

My Capricorn friend chose software engineering because of the job prospects and because he enjoys working hard on a program and seeing it come to fruition which is very Saturnian.

8th house synastry is a complex matter but I believe the issue lies in people looking for that one overlay that guarantees a perfect relationship: there’s no such a thing. each overlay will have different results depending on both people’s charts and how they use or abuse their own placements. 5h synastry with your 5h stellium crush can seem incredible until you realize their Saturnian nature makes them see 5h energy as inherently immature and repress that nature, and have their ego drive them to see all fun they don’t initiate as cringey. 7h synastry can seem like a promise for marriage until you realize your person hates how they lose themselves in their relationships and distance away from you. In short, you can’t promise anything even with a synastry chart in front of you if you don’t know the trauma and experiences of both people. Makes sense, because astrology is truly just a tool to understand better, it doesn’t control or define anything.

8th house moon synastry can make the moon person very attuned to the other person’s feelings and want to know how their deepest emotions. Bad intentions can make the moon person use their knowledge to manipulate the house native though. it can be an aspect for understanding but if the house person has a Scorpio or Saturnian moon, or a natal 12h/4h/8h moon, or moon aspecting Saturn they might see this desire as annoying and could put them off, especially if they’re emotionally unavailable/stunted: they see the connection as making them too vulnerable and will escape it.

Sun conjunct Saturn… might make the sun person feel as if the Saturn person is repressing them, dulling their light, and just dampening their mood. In what exactly? that depends on the sun sign and house where the conjunction happens. e.g: if the sun conjuncts Saturn in Gemini in the 9h: sun person might feel that Saturn isn’t as enthusiastic or excited about the things that they’re passionate about or doesn’t understand their jokes or interests, shuts down convos or doesn’t let them talk. They might feel mocked for their beliefs or that the Saturn person doesn't take their philosophies and deeper concerns seriously.

I disagree with the notion that certain placements indicate intelligence or otherwise lack of. Intelligence is so complex and difficult to define, and I don’t mean eq vs iq or mathematical vs linguistic Intelligence, I mean that people’s experiences can push them to hone certain intellect over the other: having a libra stellium doesn’t mean all you got is street smarts, but that’s what you found yourself focusing on developing due to the cards you were dealt in life. I believe your chart will indicate which skills and intelligence you had to use, or need to use, be it something you have to learn from scratch or an instinctive talent, rather than natural skills.

that’s all, thank you for reading this far <3

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sokkastyles · 2 months

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I'm not sure if you're tired of seeing asks like this, so it's okay if you don't want to give a lengthy answer, but I have some thoughts about why female fans (in general) are more open to the idea of Zutara or hearing takes about them as a pairing compared to male fans (in general). I think it might partially have to do with how men (in general) see women versus how women (in general) see themselves. I feel like a lot of male fans are very resistant to the idea of Katara being a flawed person because it gets in the way of their perception of what makes Katara desirable and a good character. For a lot of male fans it seems like Katara's darker, more complicated emotions are separate from who she is as a whole person or something that needs to be fixed, but for a lot of female fans Katara's complicated emotions and her trauma are considered an essential part of understanding her as a character and not something that needs to be corrected or fixed. Personally, as a brown girl myself, I loved the fact that Katara was realistically flawed, decided to handle her trauma on her own terms, and had Zuko supporting her through it and understanding her. I'm not really sure if this makes sense, and I might be very off base, but these are generalizations based on my personal observations. What do you think?

I think you're spot on. Just look at, for example, Katara's characterization with regard to her mother's death. Her taking on motherly traits is something that makes her a desirable love interest when those motherly instincts are turned on Aang, yet Aang especially refuses to deal with the negative side of that, Katara's trauma over her mother's death and the toll that this emotional labor takes on her. Women are supposed to be motherly by nature. They aren't supposed to complain about it or be negatively affected by having to carry other people's needs all the time without attending to their own. They aren't supposed to be human. The way that Aang thinks Katara should deal with her trauma is by being endlessly forgiving, and that's telling. It's framed as coming from Aang's personal cultural beliefs, yet he does not tell other characters, like Zuko or Sokka, that they should forgive the people who hurt them. He did not forgive the people who destroyed his people or who stole Appa. This need to forgive is focused solely on Katara, even though Sokka points out that Kya was his mother, too. And oh, we can talk all day about the difference between the way Katara and Sokka feel about their mother, but at the end of the day, these are fictional characters and the writers made a decision to portray Katara's pain, that is directly connected to the ways they established her as a motherly figure to Aang, as bad and irrational and something that stood in the way of her reciprocating Aang's love. That this aspect of her personality needed to be purged or repressed so that she could fulfill her role as Aang's motherwife.

Men dichotomize women like this all the time, without realizing that they have created these dichotomies. No woman ever fits into these boxes because women are not dichotomies, they are full human beings. That's why a lot of women identify with this aspect of Katara and resent the show's attempts to dichotomize her.

#katara #antikataang #zutara

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heretherebedork · 7 months

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Top is the fantasy type of addict, the kind of person who can quit without hesitation and will stop instantly for any reason.

Ray is the real addict, who smiles and promises to stop but never does because it's not so straightforward or simple and he can't just stop.

And that's why Mew loves Top and fell for him so hard.

Because Top fulfills his fantasy of fixing someone, of making them better, and it happening just because of him being love and him being there. Top stopped using drugs to stay with Mew. Top stopped fucking around to stay with Mew. Top acted like the hero out of a novel, repressing and changing all his vices to fit into the box Mew needs for dating and love. Even Top's trauma is 'easily fixed' by just sharing a bed and cuddling at night.

But Ray could never do that. Because Ray is messy and hurt and aching and broken and he is using alcohol and drugs and sex to cover up the pain he can't hide from and pain he can't run from. His trauma isn't solved by cuddling, he can't stop drinking because Mew tells him to and he keeps turning to Mew without taking his advice and without changing himself for him.

Top is a fantasy. He presents himself as a fantasy to Mew and he lives that life. He quits drugs, quits sex, turns monogamous and, yes, he might really have feelings for Mew but that doesn't change that he's still giving Mew a chance to live that literary and romantic fantasy and someone changing themselves for the sake of love in the most simplified fashion.

Ray is a reality. Ray is an addict who might promise to drink less but can't follow through. Ray is an addict who cannot simply stop. He is struggling and drowning in his own addiction and he hurts people and he hurts himself and he aches and he calls Mew ready to kill himself because he cannot fight his demons alone and his demons are all around him. He struggles and he falls and he hits the bottom and he keeps going and he calls for help again and again and he is constant work, constant effort, constant neediness.

Mew has, openly, always wanted that fantasy. He wants to live out the romance in books because they always end up in a predictable way and those fantasies include people who change themselves for love because love is enough to heal their issues, love was enough to heal their trauma, love was enough for them to fundamentally change as a person.

That's why Mew is so hurt by Top sleeping with Boston. Because that is proof that Top didn't change. That all the fantasies he had about Top loving him enough to change himself entirely came crashing down around him. Because no one can fulfill an impossible fantasy and loving someone because they can shape themselves into your fantasy is a hard way to love someone.

(Mew punched Ray because he had a specific fantasy about how he would reveal his knowledge of Top cheating and he was willing to sacrifice Ray to that fantasy, to punch his best friend who told him he was being cheated on, because the reveal being public didn't fit his own dreams of the event. Mew will pick his fantasy over real people again and again and I wonder how that will play out in this new era after Top's cheating was revealed.)

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prettynalilmagic · 8 days

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ℙ𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔸 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕕: 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕜- ℝ𝕖𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟

Decks: Considerate Cat Tarot Vol 2, The Dark Mirror, Tarot of Pagan Cats, The Wild Unknown Archetypes

This reading will be shadow work based on what exactly are we repressing and not aware of. And how to work through it with advice from me and tarot. Take everything as a small guide, tarot is a tool for guidance and not to see or predict the future.

Pile one

First things first, Go get therapy.

"Its not about choosing the chains.

Its about choosing them again and again."

Pile one welcome to your little section. So, I had a theme card for your overall shadow, which was Addicted. At first, I was troubled with finding out exactly what type of addiction was causing you to repress your shadow, and I kept pulling cards and I realized that your shadow is built on way too many situations that come back to your dissatisfaction from your life. Pile One your addicted to hating yourself. You have heavy cards that show me that there’s this feeling of self-inflicted despair. Your shadow emits contempt for life, you hate yourself and honestly hate life overall. The hanged Man in reverse shows me that you grew up very much internally, most of your experiences are based inwardly as you felt left behind on life. Everyone seemed to reject you. Your loved ones, and people who are supposed to be close, turned their backs on you at some point so in turn you did the same. The world rejected you growing up. Life showed you, that you aren’t deserving of love, so you internalized that and have subconsciously clung onto that delusion.

Pile one do you feel like nothing can change you? Nothing can fix you? That things will stay the same or get worse over time? Have you even thought about how you feel about yourself truly? When was the last time you willingly reflected on your own self-image? Do you think there's any motivation for you to live your life beyond what traps you? Going back to your theme card, your repression is very much self-imprisoned. You don’t see you can work through any internal conflict and you in turn have been chaining your own self to depression. Nobody is perfect, that's true, but self-discovery is beautiful however it's also difficult. This won't be an easy task.

Mentally, you’re at rock bottom almost every day. Do you dissociate a lot? Do you even know if you do? Because I recently discovered that I dissociate a whole lot throughout my life and have never known I was doing it. Human brains are truly mind blowing, it can take and hold so much stress and pain, then hide it away from us so when we don’t keep reliving and feeling all that hurt.

Nobody wants to struggle and be depressed, and our brain very much plays a part in helping us hide it away. Chances are you downplay or don’t care to think or consider your own shadow self.

I'm not fit to diagnose, but pile one look into Complex Trauma, C-PTSD, and being Shame Bound. Learn about various types of traumas, habits, and attachment styles on YouTube it will help you get a rough idea on understanding what you need to improve on without using therapy. However, please if you can, look into seeing a psychologist and a therapist.

I know life is super tough as it is for you and you might not be able to afford it but research if there's anything you can afford and if you truly have searched, look into self-help groups online and self-help programs as well. There are free eBooks you can illegally get, pirate that shit. Get a tarot deck for yourself and do shadow work readings. Also please stop reading all the dumbass future partner and next lover readings, invest love into your own damn self before investing it onto some person you most likely haven’t even met or aren’t going to meet. Sorry it's a pet peeve of mine. Chances are you’re reading this on your phone or computer, get on the notes app and write out that little ass of yours. Please there’s still so many ways to make your own mental stability easier on yourself. There's so much stuff you can do if you truly look into it, I recommend watching Patrick Teahan, Heidi Priebe, Psych2Go, and Kati Morton, they're my personal favorite therapy youtubers, and they can help you.

Okay going back to the cards, and not my own personal input, the hanged man in reversed also shows me that it was your environment growing up that has formed you into who you are. Life for you looked like everything was so big and almost outta reach for you to grasp, but you’re still here, you have developed habits that has made growing up easier, you learn to get by.

Which leads me to the present, you got the 9 of cups, meaning that your experiences have made you who you are. It ties back to all those built of moments of isolation and lack of love for yourself that you grew up with. Obviously when we grow up knowing others are treating or making you feel some type of way, you take from that and build your mindset on all those experiences.

This hatred is what we use to get by and we build ourselves up to work with our hatred. You know you felt like you are replaceable or have a deep fear of being left behind, we go outta our way to justify being the ones to leave others and replace other people with anything else to get that same feeling, until the same trigger happens. It's a never-ending cycle and growing up it can actually be helpful. As a child we only experienced all the heavy emotions and were not shown consistent or significant amount of effort for our needs, so we learn to not expect that and run away from anything that triggers that little child in you. No one was there to show love so obviously unhealthy habits and mindsets get developed and grow up with us and only gets worse and worse as time flies by. Pile one, you are depressed and hopeless but cheer up, just because your life hasn’t been the best does not equate to that being a set-in stone reality for the rest of your life.

You can make your own life better; the daughter of cups reverse shows me that there's this desire to play around with stuff, just do it. Stop thinking about it, do it. Fuck shit up, stop being afraid of messing stuff up, you think the ones who have hurt you stopped when they were making you feel not cared for or loved? Nope, so just have fun.

Do that fun hobby idea you been thinking about. Get messy with life, even if it is creating something very sloppy. You want to express yourself some type of way but feel like you shouldn’t? Well just do it, even if you feel like a joke or an idiot just try it and see how it feels. Even if you don’t necessarily want to do something or show off a different look or skill, and your more so afraid of making mistakes and not being perfect, just push that thought to the back of your head.

If you spill your drink and make a mess, guess what you can clean it up, you don't have to get mad at yourself or at the drink. Shit happens, and why should you submerge yourself into all the small things with these big emotions like anger and sadness. Relax and rest those pretty eyes. Which goes into your last main card, Four of Swords. Again, relax for once, don’t guilt yourself. Everyone who has it easy, allows themself to relax from time. Even if they don’t doesn't mean that you should do the same thing. Have fun, learn more about who you are and why you are here. There’s so much self-sabotage that goes unnoticed by everyone.

Learn from yourself, thank who you had to become to get to here, and learn how to work past that when that shadow side doesn't help you anymore. You don’t have to 100% love yourself to overcome your shadow. Because here’s the thing, you’re not overcoming it, you’re learning to accept it and work with it to do better. Your shadow is who you are and use it to your ability to grow. Pile one get outta here and watch some therapy videos pls, you will be happier even for just a second.

Pile Two

"What I can't have forever, I will have for a minute. What I can't have for a minute, I will hold to me for one second."

Hello pile two, welcome to your pile. I assume for the most part your shadow is not something you shy away from because quite frankly there's not a significant amount of repression that is being displayed; I feel like this kind of shifted into a little bit of a motivational reading from your guides to tell you about one specific flaw in you rather to tackle down one serious hindering issue.

You guys got two theme cards for your theme of the overall shadow side that you're repressing. I pulled Masquerade and Queen of my world, for you pile two. Both cards have one thing in common. Both are attached to the word Bargain. Which tells me that you tend to do the most to procrastinate the process of bad emotions or habits. Masquerade is all about living in the moment and doing everything in your power to savor and dwell into the fleeting moments you so desperately want to hold onto and stick to. Queen of my world is all about holding onto a facade that hinders the possibility of being seen as anything other than graceful and powerful. You also pulled the daughter of wands in reversed. Which tells me that you procrastinate as well, and you can honestly be very disorderly as well.

You repress your shadow self because of how uncomfortable you are for being seen as who you wish you could be.

You know when we live our whole lives trying to maintain a certain image, it can be so hard and honestly draining. It makes sense why you want to slack off and just live in the moment because maintaining the way you think you have to come off to other people is very draining and if you think about it, your facade is stressful weather you are or aren't aware of it. Having live off of short moments and a false persona is only going to fulfill you for so long, do you think pretending to be stronger, smarter, or fiercer than you really going to stop you from embracing your true inner strength? Because aren't you tired of always having to consistently perform? I don't know if you are even doing it for yourself because doing that for so long will tire you out and make you unsure of who you are deep down.

Pile two, I did pull the son of cups. Which is a very charming and very appealing person to be around, this just reinforces that you will be this at all times for everyone and everything. Given that this is the card that's supposed to represent your present reality, I believe that you are a very much cookie cutter desired person. Someone who is always on top of how you appear as. All I see is that there's this big grand facade of being this person that is so desirable and welcoming. Everyone wants to present themselves in a good light to an extent but for you pile two it's very apparent that this isn't a want for you, it is a need and you do whatever needs to be done to be this beautiful picture-perfect version of yourself, but your human, so guess what? You are at a point where you have to chill out and learn to be yourself, not the ideal version at all times. It's okay to not be what everyone else wants you to be, or what your parents want you to be or whoever else you want to idealize you. You're a human, you're only capable of so much, you're flawed, and you can want to do or partake in things that are different from what should be expected from you.

I pulled The High Priestess in reversed for you as clarification for Son of Cups. Which tells me that you are a very spiritual person, which would make sense, you are reading a tarot reading. Besides that, it brings up to light that your inner self is not being done justice.

Do you even understand who you truly are? Not what you think you have to be to maintain approval.

This facade habit is not aligned with your highest potential. Because face it, do you think you will be happy for the rest of your life pretending to be something that isn't the real you? Just because others think you will be does not make that idea a reality, stop deceiving your true potential.

I don't want to assume but my guess is you may or may not have immigrant parents that have kind of forced this urgency to be a certain way to please them. At the end of the day, you know how you want to be or wish to be. If you don't relate to that portion obviously disregard it, it could be anything from grades, skills, and appearance. Maybe it's a controlling figure, which could be a lover or a person in power over you causing you to feel like you cannot be authentically yourself.

The next card for you is Chariot, which is all about heading straight to where you want to be. Who you want to be. Nobody is going to be able to do it for you. You have built a wonderful mask for yourself for so long that it'll be hard to take it off and learn what you look like when you aren't wearing one. It will be unnatural to you at first, but you will get used to it. You got this pile two. I hope the best for you beautiful.

Pile Three

"I cannot recognize myself. But I'm still me."

Welcome to your reading Pile three. I pulled two oracle cards; Downcast Pride and Is this Me, which the purpose is to reflect on the main themes of your reading. Is this Me is associated with the last stage the Dark Mirrors Oracle grief cycle, which the stage of acceptance, whereas Downcast Pride is associated with the depression stage.

Which brings up the primary point- your shadow self that is being repressed, is your own lack of attachment to joy or fulfillment for your life. This pile does remind me a lot about pile one, as both were attached to the stage of depression. There's been this emptiness in our lives for so long, that we become very dull in life and don't bother to work or see things in a way outside of that empty feeling. Yet, on contrast to pile one, pile three is more so at the phrase of depression morphing into the stage of acceptance. Pile three has wisdom and more insight compared to both previous piles. Pile three you have this inward recognition that everyone is within means of having the capacity to alter your method of thinking and act based on that. You're the more self-aware pile so congratulations on that. I got the High Priestess reversed, Nine of Cups reversed, and Two of Swords as the cards to represent what is being repressed from your past. Nine of Cups was the overall main card for the first question and when it's in reversed I read it as dissatisfaction despite all the opportunities that have been given to us. Perhaps, we overestimated what should be given or granted to us and are disappointed that we don't feel satisfied even if our needs have generally been met. In other words, even though you didn't have the worst hand in life, you're not content. It's possible, you have taken your status, or a piece of your own identity for granted. Given the length of time we have used certain facets of our identity for so long, or maybe even briefly; our perspective of our identity can very much be impacted with that facet we once were attached to and what we used to represent. And it also plays a significant role in preserving our happiness and contentment. Now, this "opportunity" or fragment of identify has gotten away as time gives space for it to vanish off. Life is all about change, it's difficult to accept yet we can't and shouldn't allow it to dictate our personal fulfillment. Change is devasting but so is self-pity, a little self-pity is healthy for you, too much is detrimental for us to expand ourselves onto newer and better things. This could mean anything, such as growing up thin and gorgeous. Years go by and now you've gained more weight than you like, eyes have become dull and wrinkly skin has formed in the corners of your eyes, forehead, arms and almost your entire body. Maybe you're blaming yourself for not earning as much money or for not being able to get the same level of love, appreciation or attention from other people. It could be anything—even a passion that ignited a fire in your life that has gradually faded over time. (Mind you, I am not saying that if you picked pile three you have to be old enough to be worrying about wrinkles or having to make more money from the previous year, any age group could pick this. School, family and mental/physical illnesses can be factors as well not just time itself.) Two of Swords also brings up a different point, that highlights being at a standoff with decision-making. Pile three, did you make a lot of decisions based off of what someone else told you was better or what would best suit someone else? Two of swords displays a lot of lack of self-assurance and I think that part of your fulfillment that's displayed from Downcast Pride roots from not being more assertive in your own personal decisions. The High Priestess is a very spiritual card, and as it is included in the spread's earlier sections, I interpret this to mean that either an inner wisdom has been present but has been clouded by the lack of purpose and achievement. You have potential, but with all this chaotic energy, you have suppressed a lot of this fulfillment. Even after all this time has passed and you still feel as though you are in the same place in life. How come you never knew or tried to figure out what you wanted to do? You're not content and have felt like happiness and fulfillment hasn't been present in life. Pile three, it has to feel devastating for you.

Another way that I’m reading the high priestess is that the high priestess is all about our inner calling and inner wisdom. Based on the other two cards, I would say that this is what is blocking off all this magical, inner wisdom being brought up. Meaning, we must solve our own issues to let our inner voice be shined. Seek assistance from anyone or any place that might help you becoming more aware of your inner reality.

You also got the Son of Cups and Judgement reversed. Which just reinforces what I said the previous paragraph. Son of Cups represents a charming and idealistic person that everyone loves and desires. Whilst Judgement reversed is highlighting missed opportunities and failure. Failure to be the Sun of Cups. Failure to grow past who you used to be.

Mourn your past. Accept it’s not with you anymore. Move on so you can grow. I am aware it’s easier said than done, but it still needs to be addressed.

Lamenting over who you wish you still were, or where you want to be is rather pointless. Stop wishing for something thats now unattainable for you. Look for the new you, answers and solutions for yourself. Morph into something better so that the old you would’ve been jealous of new present you. When you think about it, it’s actually good that some things cannot be changed because then there’s a plethora of options for growth and numerous outcomes for who we can be.

Now, I pulled Father of Swords, for advice for you to help you work through accepting your shadow self. This card is pretty straightforward, Father of Swords is a very authoritative and is someone who strives onward. He’s also someone who’s very logical and knows that in order for blessings we have to work and set ourselves up for blessings. He does what he has to do to get to where he wants to be. He dosn’t live in the past, he lives in the present while working for the future. Spirt wants me to tell you to do the same so you can work through your repression of your shadow.

#oracle #tarot reading #free tarot #pac reading #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarotonline #shadow work #healing

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relax-and-read-on · 2 years

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What your favorite primarch say about you:

Lion: You are either a cis straight man on reddit, or you have access to books that I don't. Who are you. I fear you.

Leman: You will HOTLY defend that mess of a man. It usually descend into "yes but he's cool/hot >:("

Angron: You have a ACAB sticker on your old beat up car. You have knowledge beyond mere mortals. I trust you when the revolution come.

Lorgar: Heeey how is that religious trauma going? Think he was 100% right in fucking off to chaos.

Roboute: This is either your first day here, or you have circled all the way back, and reached enlightenment. You are either 12 or trying to pay your mortage.

Rogal: Neurodivergent friend!! Ok so I know it's annoying if the minis are not perfectly align pre-game, but you have to let it go, I worry about your blood pressure.

Konrad: He would kill you and you would thank him. You desperately want to pat his head. No preservation instinct found. Are you empty nesting?

Sanguinius: Soooo tell me about your toxic ex/parent! How are those repressed feelings going?

Horus: This is no ones favorite, you are just lying, or horny for Abaddon.

Ferrus: This is an actual CHOICE a fucking COMMITMENT. I respect you. Cannon has no hold on you. You are more free than all of us.

Fulgrim: You are part of the alphabet mafia, or in the closet. You WILL argue that slaanesh is not just sex drugs and rock and roll, ehile deeply identifying with those aspects.

Jaghatai: You might be kind of a hipster. Like sure, his novel was good, but are you *trying* to go for the obscure one?

Corvus: You are BITTER that your inner goth kid is not more marketed toward. You want more extra angst in you grimdark.

Alpharius Omegon: You are trolling. Or you picked them because you appreciate a good troll. I do not trust you.

Vulkan: You are the mom friend, and so, so fucking tired. You are this close to snapping if someone mention one more burnt child eldar meme.

Mortarion: You will RAGE and WAIL that Morty had it the WORST and he's MISUNDERSTOOD. You also desperately want a nurgling plushie.

Perturabo: Half of you want to fix him. The other want to make him worst. All of you are inexplicably horny for him.

Magnus: You either came here from TTS, Vezimira related content, or for rippling, hot red abs. All of you are nerds. And horny for him.

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regenderate · 1 year

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i just realized i've never posted my rant about what yaz could've been on here

basically i think the show gives yaz a bunch of different traits/experiences/etc as vehicles for messages to the audience and then never actually connects those traits/experiences/etc or lets them build up into a properly nuanced character. like when the show wants to Talk About Racism she talks about her experiences with racism and when the show wants to Talk About Mental Health we see a single crisis from her teenage years but those things don't come up outside of their respective episodes/scenes/messages

like. okay. here are some things we know about yaz. yaz:

quickly corrects gendered language

doesn't have a lot of friends

was/is the target of racist harassment

was bullied in school

ran away from home/is implied to have been suicidal or attempted suicide

celebrates the anniversary of her not-suicide with her sister but not her parents

is into women

all of these things so clearly connect into a full and complex character. but they're all so isolated! we never see how yaz running away and her sister being worried affects her once she starts traveling with the doctor (thereby disappearing from her family again). when her family isn't onscreen, we don't really hear about them-- we don't hear about whether sonya's worried about her, or what her parents think. she seems to have a good relationship with her grandmother but we mostly only see that when the episode is about it. we never hear about whether her race and orientation play into the bullying she got at school. we never hear about whether any of that is part of why she needed the tardis as an escape. the show somehow acts like her being suicidal is a one-time thing and fixed with a single pep talk, which anyone who's ever been suicidal knows is not how that works. if the scene isn't About the life event or struggle in question, it's like it doesn't exist.

and like... yaz as a character is so interesting if you connect these traits. if you think about her as a young pakistani muslim (closeted/repressed) wlw trying to get by in school, and then the trauma she incurred at the hands of others, and the bond she might've had with her sister, and the arguments she might've had with her parents, and then how all of that might've contributed to her running away/being suicidal, and then joining the police force thinking it'll help people because the one cop helped her when she ran away, and then realizing that she's not helping people/that the job isn't what she wants but she doesn't know how to get out, and then, after all of that, meeting the doctor and getting to travel time and space, and finally recognizing her love for what it is, and struggling with being away from her sister and with unpacking some of her childhood/her family stuff now she's finally separated from it-- if you think about all of that, you create such a beautiful and authentic character. but in the show, all of these traits and experiences seem to exist in isolation, and you don't see how they all come together to affect and create yaz's character.

i don't know. it bothers me that she has so much potential to be a really grounded character who i think a lot of people her age (also my age! i was 19 when twwfte came out!) could relate to. i always really wanted to see a scene in ghost monument where she has a moment of panic and realizes she's basically disappeared from her family again and has already almost died at least once and might not get back to them. it's just stuff like that that would have made her feel a lot more coherent and complete to me.

#lifeblogs #doctor who #meta #yasmin khan #i don't think this one has spoilers actually

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wishesofeternity · 1 year

Text

okay I've seen posts like these going around for Yang and Blake but not for Weiss and it's bugging me a bit so I figured I'd make my own

Guys. Weiss is frustrated and impatient and she has every right to be. it's completely understandable. Remember when homegirl was the last member of her team standing and watched all three of her friends plummet to their presumed deaths? Remember when she's the only one of them who saw what happened to Penny? Remember when she lost not just her home, but a whole damn kingdom that LITERALLY WENT UP IN FLAMES? Atlas is literally another Beacon for her, the loss is incredibly personal and visceral. She's grieving. She lost her home that she desperately wanted to save. She's dealing with her own immense kingdom spanning guilt. "I am so tired of leaving places in ashes."

Not to mention the fact that Weiss was forcibly separated from her mother and brother who she only recently reconnected with (and who she clearly feels responsible for) and was forcibly wrenched away from her sister. Her losses are heart-wrenching, and it's important that the weight of it is acknowledged and brought up when discussing her. She's dealing with her own trauma as well, and she's clearly impatient with this new world and desperate to go back to Remnant.

She gets frustrated with Ruby one time about the grow-hurt (obviously, neither she nor any of the others knew why Ruby wasn't able to get it) and that's fine lol. It's normal. It happens to everyone, it's literally not a big deal whatsoever. It's bizarre that people are taking it to mean that she was inconsiderate of Ruby's feelings or too self-centered to even notice them, because the comment itself is literally nothing - what we're meant to see is Ruby's reaction, and how bad Ruby's own headspace is that such a small, irrelevant thing cements her own heartbreaking sense of inferiority and uselessness. It's just like Yang saying "you don't mean that" is taken as an invalidation of her trauma and Blake's attempts at reassurance are taken as dismissals of her trauma. Ruby's hurting so immensely that she doesn't understand how others can't see it - but how can they? It's impossible and unreasonable to expect them to magically understand and fix everything that she's going through, especially considering that so much of her trauma has been repressed even from herself since she was a child.

Her team loves her. They'll reach out to her, she'll reach out to them. There's no need to entirely blame one side, because there are no sides. It's a messy, heartbreaking, exhausting situation where nobody is wrong and everyone is sympathetic. It's good storytelling.

EDIT: sorry, I wasn't trying to compare their experiences and weigh them against each other, even tho I think that's how it might have come across. I just haven't seen lots of discussions on Weiss's state of mind (maybe it's just me and my dash lol) so I just wanted to emphasize that, though some stuff was wrongly worded. Sorry once again! I changed things slightly so if possible, reblog this version instead.

#she didn't do anything wrong lol #rwby #weiss schnee #rwby9 rwby spoilers #queue #rwby spoilers

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yellowocaballero · 3 months

Note

What's the bnha fic and why would it get you stoned by teenagers lmaoo

I think Deku and Bakugo should be equal yet opposite levels of completely fucking terrible.

ASJKLDF I was helping @bytebun spitball ways to make the Bakugo and Deku dynamic not badly written, and they were detailing some ideas and I was detailing others, and I eventually I was like 'like this?' and wrote this, and they were like 'yeah like that' and etc.

Look. There is an art and a science to writing shonen rivals. It is a clear and concise thing. Deku and Bakugo are not good shonen rivals. This is because they can live without each other. This is because they do not need each other psychologically. This is because they do not fulfill something that was missing in each other. This is because they are not the same person. This is because they are not two exact opposite people in every way. Go read Hikaru no Go and Naruto and get back to me on what an actual shonen rivalry looks like. This is why teenagers would stone me to death.

Literally only two pages of a fic under the cut but I personally do want people to know that this is MY hero academia.

A piece of paper teleported onto Katsuki’s desk. He stared down at it. He looked to the right, where Deku was grinning anxiously at him and pointing at the paper. Katsuki, staring him directly in the eyes, smeared his hand across the front of the page and set it thoroughly on fire. It burned to a crisp in seconds. Deku’s face fell pathetically, like bow-legged dog.

“No quirk usage in detention, Bakugo!”

“Deku was passing notes,” Katsuki said snidely, not taking his eyes off Deku. Deku’s big, wet, pleading eyes promised that snitches get stitches.

Snipe sighed and went back to his VR game, hands twitching. “Just simmer down, you two.”

“Y - yes, sir, of course, I’m sorry!”

Katsuki did not lower himself to acknowledge a teacher. They waited in bloated silence until they were both certain that Snipe had lost himself thoroughly in the beauty of fictional marksmanship as a distraction from his real life marksmanship before making their next move.

Deku leaned over, whispering so quietly his mouth barely moved. “You punched me because you resent your mother.”

Jesus motherfucking Christ. Not this shit again. “Stop chasing me down with your goddamn psychoanalysis,” Katsuki hissed. “You can’t fix me.”

“Because you don’t need to be fixed! You just need to admit that you’re jealous of my own perfect mother’s nurturing parenting style and that you needed validation of your feelings instead of your achievements. You’re replicating your mother’s stunted emotional expression but you know how it prevents you from genuine connection.”

“I’m not listening to this.” Katsuki powerfully refrained from listening to Deku or reacting. Deku waited patiently. Katsuki lasted around five seconds. “Rich talk from Mr. Daddy Issues, asshole!”

“Really, Kacchan? Playground insults?” Deku looked down upon him pityingly yet compassionately. He practiced that expression in the mirror. Katsuki had seen it. Deku tried convincing him that he was imagining things, and when his manipulative tactics failed against Katsuki’s iron will he pivoted to convincing the rest of the class of Katsuki’s discomfort with visible emotion. “I processed the trauma of my father’s abandonment and my internalized guilt over why he left. I came to peace with it a long time ago. I’ve realized the power of found family, Kacchan.”

Katsuki narrowed his eyes. “You cried last week because you failed the practical exam and you thought All Might wouldn’t like you anymore.”

“And I recognize the scars that remain.”

“You are actively wasting my life.” Katsuki picked up his slimy pencil and bent over his assignment, flexing his well-honed ability to repress Deku’s existence. “Go jerk yourself off with your therapy language someplace else, asshole.”

Deku sniffed, turning back to his own assignment. “It sounds to me like you haven’t realized the power of found family.”

For the love of - only somebody with daddy issues nattered on about found families. Katsuki was from a nuclear home and he didn’t need to speedrun emotional intimacy with every other emotionally damaged fame-hungry asshole in their pretentious little prep school.

Katsuki leaned over, letting the pop and crackle of his sweat echo in Deku’s ears. For once, the sound didn’t make him cringe away. It just made him sit very still, eyes tracking Katsuki’s movements. Like a pathetic little wounded gazelle. As if. Deku was a lion playing at a wounded gazelle for sympathy, and he always had been. He would feed anything into the gaping maw of the perpetually hungry savior complex. Even Katsuki.

“At least I know my friends like me for me,” Katsuki hissed. He’d never call them his friends to their faces, but - well, Katsuki had more than enough friends who liked him for his accomplishments in his life. He knew how to pick out the real deal. “Your life is a pretense and your personality is a mask. One little thing about you has defined your past, present, and future, and you are nothing but that one little thing. Deku.”

Deku narrowed his eyes at Katsuki. “One could say the same about you.”

Yes, obviously, don’t remind him. “Yeah, but the people around me know it. So long as the people around you don’t know it, you’ll never really know if they like you or not. A friendship like that can’t be real. They don’t know why you’re Deku. I’m the only one in this class who knows nobody should trust a word you say.”

But Deku just turned his head and smiled at him, and the smile was identical to every other smile. “By that logic, you’re the only real friend I have.” Katsuki opened his mouth indignantly. “What? Is your logic flawed? Are you wrong? Kacchan?”

Ugh! Fucking rhetorical traps! If he tried, he could probably think of another argument, but it didn’t seem like an important thing to argue. “We’re trapped in this stupid room for three more hours and I am going to actually explosion murder you if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

Deku smiled, one of his little secret smiles - a little cheeky, a little sly. “Then we should learn to coexist. Tolerance is a beautiful thing.”

“If you’re trying to get me to stop punching you in class you should just say so. Or ask.”

“I have a packed schedule, Kacchan. I’m just trying to maximize the time in my day.” Deku bent over his assignment, pencil flying at light speeds and clearly dismissing him. His eyes flickered to Katsuki one last time. “Maybe I’ll find time to reply to Kirishima’s text requesting help in asking you out -”

Katsuki exploded, and both of their days were lost to another three hours of detention.

#my asks #my writing #does izuku in this have absolutely nothing resembling actual izuku yes #is this the izuku i think would be funny also yes #sorry ive read too much BNHA fic for someone who doesn't like BNHA #Naruto is worse but I respect it more

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cebwrites · 1 year

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handling bad breakups (law, zoro, kidd)

a/n: i was inspired by heartbreak honeymoon to write this, but none of these hcs actually reflect the tone of that song i don’t think >3>;;

angst, he/they law word count: 1k

Law

If you thought the Good Doctor was closed off before, Law directly off the heels of a split, especially one involving an egregious violation of trust, is so much worse

Law is a ride or die, he’s gone about his life wound so tightly in such a way to minimize building ‘unnecessary’ connections as much as possible -they tell themself it’s because of the overarching plan to take down Doflamingo and anyone slowing them down would be a liability at best

Now to have someone commit to the arduous task of worming their way into his heart, only for Law to end up picking up the pieces after they’ve so carelessly broken it? Pathetic

They’re hurt and angry at themself for ever allowing someone to get close enough to affect him like this to begin with

He’s isolating like never before, only allowing a handful of crewmates to bother him every other day for food and maybe coaxing them to bed but otherwise Law would be scarce for even own crew

Law doesn’t mean to snap at them and he feels bad for taking their anger out on the crew, especially the childhood friend trio, but he has no idea what else to make or do of these feelings aside from this and that only feeds into their own self-loathing

If Law’s previous partner was part of the crew, they aren’t any more - given the circumstances they’re lucky to get away with all their body parts in tact if not their dignity from the vicious verbal lashing they got from the crew for wounding their beloved captain so dearly

Easy-going as they are, the only thing holding back certain Heart Pirates from showing this ex what for is Law’s mention that murder for a sour relationship would be in ‘bad taste’ - whatever happened to them outside of the crew’s reach though? None of his business

His crew desperately tries to get Law to lean on one of their shoulders, air out and share his pain so it wouldn’t be so burdensome in the short and long run, but all the captain does is box it away like every other trauma in their life and vows not to think about it because he “doesn’t have the time” with Doffy still at large, he’d address that issue later

(Ie. never because Law didn’t plan to survive Dressrosa, let alone sit down and unpack their feelings of all things)

Zoro

Zoro’s pretending like it never happened, at least for the first week or so - he’s repressing it all to hell and back

It’d be nice if it was someone on an island or another crew that Zoro could simply will out of his memory forever, but if life were that easy he’d already be the world’s greatest swordsman

So here he sits, stewing in his hurt at his fellow crewmate, trying not to resent them for wounding him so badly

It’s easy for Zoro to put up a cold farce, practically muscle memory when his eyes glaze over when they step into the kitchen and take a seat furthest from him, completely ignoring their presence

The awkwardness is palpable and the other Strawhats aren’t sure what to do so it becomes a whole Debacle™ until either party can sort out their feelings

If they apologized to him Zoro would acknowledge it - he’d admit his own faults in the relationship and perhaps how he handled certain things but when it came to their actual transgressions against him, it’s too much of an ask for Zoro to forgive them

The captain’s unhappy at the tension that’s fallen over his crew but, especially post timeskip, would understand at least the gravity of someone being hurt and provide as much comfort to his first mate possible and a little to the ex when he can

Luffy’s not one to disown friends, that’s the very last option that he’d ever want to turn to, but if the offense is grievous enough, Luffy might just - especially if he feels he can’t fix things with a fight or they’ve irreparably hurt another nakama (Zoro, in this case)

If they are allowed to stay, things are never quite the same after that; yes, Zoro heals with time and maybe one day he’ll feel safe enough to share a happy conversation with them as nakama again (and they still are), but for the moment there would be an obvious difference in how Zoro interacted with his ex and the rest of the crew

Kidd

Oh, Kidd is livid - he’s fuming - whatever his partner did to hurt him so doesn’t matter anymore, fuck ‘em

He’s going to be mean and cruel and degrading, lashing out in every way possible to make up for the cavernous hole that opened up in his chest that Kidd quietly wants to swallow him up

There’s tons of screaming, throwing and breaking things; like with Law the poor sap should be grateful to get off the Victoria Punk with their life in tact, if they didn’t? Well, now that shouldn’t be too surprising either

In the privacy of his room, Kidd’s laying faced down and blasting his favorite, most aggressive playlist at full volume in a futile attempt to drown out these pathetic unwanted feelings

No one dares get in his way or has the GALL to ask Kidd to stop deafening half the crew

No one but Killer, anyway - anyone else would’ve met a similar fate to that ex or simply been tossed off the ship as it was moving (whether they’d be allowed to stay after scrambling back on entirely dependent on Kidd’s already turbulent mood)

Kidd’s fucking miserable and there ain’t a thing he can do about it - hell would sooner freeze over before he allowed himself to cry over some fuckwit like that too

(A few tears do escape against his will in a moment of quiet between all the screaming and it enrages him)

First order of business - finding a place and wrecking it, nothing like pretending that you’ve never felt a single emotion ever like causing destruction and mayhem the likes some fuckass upper-class prissy town has never seen

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givehimthemedicine · 2 years

Text

❤️ Max is El's heart ❤️

Let's talk about El, Max, Mike, Vecna, and hearts.

For all the talk of Mike being the heart, do you wanna explain to me why there's a literal heartbeat sound effect used in Vol2, and it doesn't involve Mike whatsoever?

We hear it prominently when El finds Max tranced out in the void, takes hold of her hand, and commences piggybacking. And later when El spins the coke bottle and goes looking for Max in the void. (video down below because I can only put one per post)

The second one's like, ok sure, naturally El would have a specific interest in Max's heartbeat at this point, she restarted it herself. But why do we hear a huge heartbeat noise in the first clip, before it's relevant?

Which of their hearts is this supposed to be?

Is it El's heartbeat, like to illustrate that she's concentrating really hard? I'm not sold on that, because there was no heartbeat noise the other times she piggybacked.

Is it Max's heartbeat? Like, El literally feeling her pulse? If so, they passed on the most obvious applications for it (the heart-restarting scene, and the hospital scene where her heart is definitely beating again - El is touching her both times. In the coke bottle clip she isn't).

I think it's both. Like, their hearts syncing up when El is channeling her. If you listen really close in the coke bottle clip, this time the heartbeat is paired with a faint beeping - Max's heart monitor. It's an elmax heartbeat, both of them together.

That'd be a bit cheesy, these two are bffs and all, but why would they have some random special cardiac bond?

El and Max's hearts both stopped. Because of Vecna. On the same day.

When El uncovered her repressed memory of getting Vecna'd, it was so traumatic that she went into cardiac arrest.

It was that night that Max also suffered such trauma from getting Vecna'd that her heart stopped.

Narratively, Max had to die a death that El could fix (I don't think you can telekinesis your way out of exploded eyeballs). El evidently took a minute to combine realizations that Max was dead because of a stopped heart, and that that was something she could do something about. She remembered this happening to herself literally just hours ago, and that it involved not just mechanical intervention but love.

The elmax memory montage is not pure sentiment to pass the time while she does whatever hocus pocus with her hand - it actually plays a role (or at least El thinks it does).

Where else do we hear heart noises in V2?

El uncovers her full 001 showdown memory in which she's about to be killed, but then remembers um her own birth, where we hear baby El crying, the beeping of her mom's heart monitor in the delivery room, and her mom saying "Jane, I love you."

Love gives young El the power to "no u" 001 and yeet him through the wall, but the trauma sends present El into cardiac arrest and the lab folks fish her out of NINA and put her on the table and shock her heart back on. And now we hear El's heart monitor as well as a couple isolated heartbeats as she comes back to consciousness, crying a little bit, still thinking about the memory of her mom loving her.

In the void clip, we hear the heartbeat after El says "it's okay, I'm coming" and Max might be crying a little bit? Not sure if that's crying or just trance-distress noises idk but I'm trying to find a pattern here. In the coke clip, El is crying and there's both heartbeat and heart monitor beeping. And she's obviously thinking about how she loves Max in both scenes.

El got her heartbeat (love) from her mom and then gave it to Max.

Here's everything: (you might need earphones or good speakers, my phone misses the heartbeat completely)

This is a picture of familial and platonic love

the importance of which I think has been key to Max and especially El in 4, and which I think and hope will be the conclusion to El's arc, as she realizes romantic love isn't the end-all. Romantic love plays no role in El's heartbeat thing.

Interestingly, Max's Vecna escape does include romantic love, because that lesson isn't hers to learn. She already knows romantic and platonic are both important - besides including clips of the whole party, Lucas and El hold roughly neck-and-neck importance in her memories. Equivalent memories for El would have been of the party in general but especially Mike and Max, and... no, not at all. 100% Max.

During the monologue there's only one flashback (the party finding El in the woods), but it seems more likely Mike's memory because he brought it up. Anyway, what he says in reference to it is a lie, so even if that is her memory, she feels no love from it - in fact, when she's staked everything on those words, finally hearing them and knowing they're a lie has to hurt more than not being told in the first place.

So for El that's a win for platonic, a win for familial, and a fail for romantic. I don't think their point here is "platonic/familial rules and romantic drools" but rather that milkvan is not a specimen of true love.

Run to the light

Some very similar imagery of Max and El's visions as they escape Vecna.

Where is El headed? To the delivery room, being born, where she takes her first breath and starts crying, and there's someone there who loves her.

Where is Max headed? To the graveyard, deciding she doesn't wanna die after all, where she takes her first breath and starts crying, and there are people there who love her. Also, at moments, that hole is shaped sorta like a heart

Mike is the heart, but not for El

Will thinks Mike being the heart is a universal thing, when really it just applies to him, which is why this doesn't work for El. (I made the ultimate sacrifice and watched the monologue to make sure there was no heartbeat. if you're reading this you owe me a dollar)

If anybody is "the heart" for El it's Max, which is why she gets the power to fight only when she quits looking for love in Mike's speech where there is none, and looks over at Max where there is. Like how Max gets her breakthrough power predominantly from an El memory. ❤️

Speaking of hearts and old memories,

Can we talk about this moment real quick before we go?

Why did they have El say "your heart" here? because A) nowhere in that scene did anybody use the word heart and B) nobody has ever said "heart" to or in front of El in a non literal context and I would've been iffy about her being familiar with this use of it. It's almost like they really just wanted the word heart in there?

Anyway, El's only concern at the time is Mike, but you gotta love the visual hint that she has Max in the back of her mind.

So what happened in that scene El is referring to?

If El knows Mike was talking to Max that day at the cabin, it means she heard that entire conversation. In addition to Mike blurting out that he loved her, she also heard Max sticking up for her and caring about her having her own identity and agency and independence.

You know, the same topics that held a lot of emphasis in the memories El had of Max while she was restarting her heart?

There's more to life than stupid boys! (The fact is, she's not yours.)

Not Hopper. Not Mike. You. (She's her own person,)

Holy shit, this is insane. Is this really gonna work? (fully capable)

Which one? (of making her own decisions.)

Against the rules? We make our own rules. (I did not make her. It was her idea.)

El didn't just restart Max's heart to a "good times El had with Max" montage - it was a "reasons El loves Max" montage.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

#analysis #elmax #max's heart literally beats for el send tweet #also why does she have to dramatically turn backwards #does holding hands help her get better reception #if so why not just bear hug for full bars #not to complain when we received unfathomable levels of elmax but I really wish there had been a hug in here somewhere #and el audibly telling max she loves her #el / max #max mayfield the queen of hearts #these are needlessly romantic themes considering that's specifically not the point and elmax is not endgame #mine #character analysis #givehimthemedicine analysis

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pizzaboat · 1 year

Text

Long post

I know people complain that Mike and El pushed Will to the background in season 3 and that Mike stopped being Mike, but I wanna argue that the real Mike was suffering in silence and being pushed to the back during s2 and that's why he isn't himself anymore and why he's so insecure in S4 and why he's only starting to act himself around Will again

For example (and I promise I'm leading to something here), he was on "strikes" for his behaviour in season 2 because he was "acting out" (some of the acting out was normal kid things like drawing on the school bathroom wall).

He was told by his parents that it was time to start fixing his behaviour and that he'd had enough time to express his trauma from season 1 at this point. And he was made give some more of his toys away.

(I can't imagine what Mike could've done that was bad enough to give his attari away or anything like that and I personally think making kids give away their loved belongings is a messed up thing to do.)

It was a very forceful and pacifying way to get him to start getting with the program. Especially since his Dad is a massive moron patriot and was more than happy to sign an NDA with the goverment after season one, his mom too.

Meaning they never talked about what happened to Will or Mike or any of them. Mike just had to stew in that.

In contrast, while Mike's parents were ignoring his trauma because "it was over now"

Joyce and Jonathan were obviously showering Will (the focus of season 1) in a lot of attention and love. Because as far as they knew, he had PTSD and was subjected to something that would give all grown adults nightmares and trauma for years.

And that made Will feel more of a freak, because not only was he different to everyone in school and understanding that he was gay, now he had this supernatural shit that wouldn't leave him alone when all he wanted to do was play with his friends and do normal kid shit

And I think while Will was set on his path of feeling different and like a freak and that it was unchangeable and that he might always be affected like that

Mike could've been feeling like there was no room for him to be in any pain ever, or to have hang ups about anything- (Will the public freak that everyone fuses over and Mike the private freak who feels there's something wrong with him and he needs to change it and hide it)

And he didn't just learn that lesson from what happened in season 1 and how is parents raised him, because he's been raised like that his entire life. He's no doubt been told to suck it up and be a man for a very long time.

So its his instinct to bottle things up like feeling his relationship with El wasn't right, or he naturally would repress his feelings of being gay or atleast bi because he grew up being scorned for the same sensitivity that was nurtured in his crush Will.

(Will wasn't totally nurtured, he was bullied by his peers and abused by his father before Joyce left him, because his father thought he was queer)

Jonathan and Joyce always tried though, to make sure Will knew he was loved and they no doubt tried to have moments where they wanted him to know it was okay if he was gay, while also trying to keep in mind he could become defensive after growing up in the 80s version of society

And from what I gathered from season 3, Joyce is the kind of parent who talks to her kids and puts communication, love and trust above everything else, (which is good because Jonathan and Will deserve better than to be emotionally abused on top of everything else that has happened to them)

But back to Mike. There is no one trying to reach out to him like that. I think his mom was trying during the period of season 1, when Will was missing and she was worried for him (because I think she could see he was a sensitive boy like Will)

But his mom was growing tired of living in a loveless marriage and having strained and distant relationships with her kids, so she mentally checked out by season 3 and considered cheating and all that other shit. By this point her family was becoming less of a priority to her as she was balancing on a painful edge of throwing in the towel and accepting she wasn't happy

But Mike after s1 no one tried to reach out to him emotionally. He got a hug he desperately needed from Hopper when he finally snapped after El came back. (He spent that entire time worrying about her and feeling like he was going crazy wondering if she was okay).

That reaction was so raw and emotional, its easy to only associate it with it only being a mileven thing. But I also think that was the only place in all of this where he felt he had room to express how deeply hurt he's been by all this all along.

Because El was going to be his girlfriend, he found room to let all the other bottled up emotions he had about the other stuff rise out of him and he was able to break down and cry and scream and hit and be held like he deserved to all along

So, in regards to him repressing himself more in season 3 and no longer acting like the sweet boy he was in the past seasons, I think it was because he felt there was no longer and room for it. His growing up talk also covered his pain from season 1 and 2 and the things he learned by being raised the way he was, to also extend towards being gay or bi in a household that supports the president who's doing absolutely fuck all for gay people during the aids crisis

Mike's suffering is so silent and in the background, that only signs up about who Ted is voting for in his yard, and snapshots into how his parents are handling him, and comments about his dad mocking the idea of Mike being with a girl, and him being "sensitive" like Will in season 1 and 2, and how he's bullied and what's on the back of a news paper he's reading in S4(something about the aids crisis)-can only give glimpses into what's happening to him and why he is the way he is

#mike wheeler #will byers #ted wheeler #karen wheeler #joyce byers #el stranger things #byler #stranger things analysis #mike wheeler needs a hug #pro mike wheeler

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ninicaise · 8 months

Note

isn't Damen an enneagram 8?

[warning: i went a little bit insane about this question. please don't take anything i said personally.]

who gave you that idea? personality database dot com? those pdb mfs wouldn't know enneagram if it hit them on the head with a pole. those people think damen's life FEAR and MOTIVATION revolves around control bc what. he was a slave for like 2 months as an adult. if anything that experience made him want to LOSE some control he had over other people. if anything he realized the concept of "control" was even a thing after he was enslaved at again, TWENTY FIVE. if anyone is an 8 in that goddamn trilogy it's laurent's paranoid control freak ass and even that's debatable bc of how terrified of everything and everyone he is all the time he might as well be a 6. the pdb mfs think laurent is a 1. A ONE. ah yes laurent wants to fix the world as a motivation. wants everything to be perfect. bc what. he has a sense of morality? yes everyone knows that if you don't make morality the sole reason for your entire existence you don't have a moral code at all. and laurent is not an abominable cunt some of the time. obviously! you think laurent wants to be perfect? laurent doesn't have the space to be “perfect” he wants to be ALIVE. and damen? he goes through life repressing the thought of every bit of pain in his way. his own pain laurent's possible pain everyone's pain don't you see the slaves are happy in servitude? it is likely nothing bad happened to laurent ever! i will repress the death of my father my enslavement my torture and suffering the betrayal of my brother my own identity my feelings for my master etc etc etc until it also hits me on the head with a pole. then i will realize no one has hugged me probably in 20 years and that is why i used to have sex all the time so i would not be touch starved and depressed as the rug was being pulled from under my fucking feet which i did NOT want to see bc it would be fucking bad. life used to be perfect before my enslavement but now i have trauma and worse: awareness. and it fucking sucks. ok yes i'll take the hug. Seven. That's a 7.

#captive prince #damen #laurent #SORRY for the rant #asks #theyre right about the mbti types though. esfp & intj of all time

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dangermousie · 2 years

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I love that the rest of the ep actually bears it out. The narrative in this drama is so freaking solid!

I love that she realizes his feelings are back because of compassion...

And yes his tree has started to bloom but what strikes me about this is he does not look happy, he actually looks terrified. And the rest of the ep actually shows why...

And that’s the thing. When all his feelings were removed, he felt no pain. All feelings removed means all bad feelings removed too. Once feelings come back, guess what else comes back? All the trauma that literally got repressed by the spell. He keeps having nightmares about his childhood every night now.

And I love that Orchid who had a very sheltered, peaceful life doesn’t really get it. Most of her feelings have been fine. But the thing is - how much do I love the narrative that this isn’t a simple “aww you can feel now, happy ending how great you are fixed” but it actually throws his whole world off-kilter and not in a good way. Because if emotions are out it means all emotions. Not feeling anything can be an advantage.

Yeah, he would love to chop is all off down again!

Omg this bit!!!! Because it’s literally true. And of course the question is whether being able to feel good feelings is worth feeling bad feelings as well. Not being able to feel happiness if you also can’t feel pain might be a worthwhile trade-off for some people...

I love that twist - she uncursed the cursed prince in his tower, but the prince doesn’t want to come out and be uncursed because that is all he knows and that is his familiar world...

#cdrama #esther yu #dylan wang #cang lan jue #love between fairy and devil

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minimitchell · 1 year

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tw sexual assault and disordered eating

you know, with all this speculation about a potential sl regarding ben and knowing that disordered eating is deeply connected with sexual abuse i can’t help but think about that little snippet from max’s interview last year that really made me realize the entire last year has been one big loss of control for ben and how he struggled coping with that fact (and potentially still does now).

he couldn’t control the attack in january and he reacted to that with anger and determination. he couldn’t control his ptsd episode and how that spiraled out of his grip and he reacted to that with anger as well, which led directly to the walford attacker stuff. he didn’t attack those homophobes for fun, he did it in a bid to gain back some control. to protect callum and to protect himself from reliving the trauma paul’s death caused him (which btw he also feels guilty about for not having control of that situation because he ‘left’ paul to die). he admitted that much to callum even.

then he experienced the ultimate loss of control with the assault and we all know how much he struggled to cope with that. he even outright said to kathy that when it comes to sex, he is always the one in control in some capacity. and having this control be taken away from him, with something as important to his sense of self as sex, led to his entire being collapsing in on itself. and when he tried to gain back that control with the drugs and forcing himself to have sex again, that led to even more loss of control with the overdose. reporting lewis to the police was ben’s way of reclaiming control of the assault and that also was futile because it didn’t lead to lewis being charged.

and lola’s diagnosis is another thing outside of his control that plays on his worst fears and his own childhood traumas. and to me it’s entirely feasible that he reacts to this by doing everything in his power to try and stop this. researching alternative ways to ‘heal’ lola, spending every dime he has or doesn’t have to make sure her and jay have the best last few months etc. he’s trying to, once again, control an uncontrollable situation. control something that’s out of his reach to fix.

disordered eating is all about control, especially if it’s caused by the trauma of sa. controlling behaviors around food, like not eating and supplementing that calorie deficit with alcohol, or exercise (which might be where the gym stuff is headed) can offer some brief sense of control that might be lacking otherwise. it’s not about being skinny in those cases, it’s about repression and control.

obviously idk if they’re even going in that direction or not or if max was sort of hinting at that whole issue of control last year but he does know how detrimental that loss of control is for ben and to me, it would make sense for him to seek that control in that way.

#idek if this is coherent enough but it just hit me what a big theme loss of control was for ben last year #and how much max nailed how ben deals with that loss of control #AND how that makes up so much of his character and explains so many of his actions and reactions #and it would make so much sense if they connect this potential sl to the assault #n e ways. have a ramble about ben

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alex-and-coffee · 4 months

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So. I need to get my thoughts out on the last Doctor Who special. I've seen posts with takes that I very much disagree with and didn't want to derail them with my thoughts, so here we are.

(Also. These are my personal thoughts and so they are going to be very self centered. That said, I am open to discussion if you wanna add your two cents.)

(Also also. This became an ESSAY lmao I had more to say than I thought so I'm putting in a read more so it doesn't completely take up your dash haha)

I will first say that I do agree that not mentioning Martha and Yaz weird. They were important to the Doctor and I can't think of a reason why they weren't mentioned among the others. Also, the ending to The Giggle wasn't great. It was anticlimactic, rushed, and made the Toymaster seem like he wasn't an actual threat? It felt more like someone was pulling his strings tbh. There are probably more things I could say about it but this post isn't about my criticisms of the episodes.

Another quick note, I like the bi-regeneration. My interpretation is 15 is the regeneration of 14 after he's lived his life, but instead of regenerating at the end of 14's life, he's regenerating early because of the Toymaker.

To start with the first thing that has me ruffled is that, to me, Ncuti shone in the role as the Doctor. He was charismatic, joyful and fun - we're getting something different and exciting. We got time with him before his first official episode and that made me very excited for his run as the Doctor (I will add that after seeing the trailer that I am worried about the Christmas special because goblins eating babies? Antisemitism anyone?).

This episode was the happy ending for 14 and the exciting beginning for 15. I don't understand where the complaints of 15 being undercut or being overshadowed by 14. To me it functioned as a soft reset - we got 14 settling down with the Mott-Noble-Temple family to rest and heal from his trauma while 15 goes and starts his adventures without all the baggage of 9-14's runs. Healing isn't linear either, and he still has that history so it can be referenced to and can come up later, but 15 is truly happy ("fixed" - though I hate that they phrased it that way) in a way that he hasn't been in NuWho (I haven't seen classic Who so I can't say anything about it). People don't change until the pain of not changing outweighs the pain of staying the same. If we didn't see that change happen in the Doctor, then I wouldn't have bought a transition from Jodi's Doctor (who represses absolutely everything) to Ncuti's Doctor, who's been magically "fixed".

I've seen several posts about how 14 regressed on 13's happiness and made the Doctor sad again, which. I would say misinterprets 13 in a pretty fundamental way. Her smile and happiness is a mask 13 hides behind. She's hurting and bottles all of it up to shove out of sight in the hopes that if she ignores it it will go away. She's running away just as much as her previous regenerations, which is shown in the way that she doesn't share anything personal about herself. She doesn't talk about her history with anyone she travels with, she even brushes her hurt off when Jack, who has been with her through some of her shit, asks if she's ok. (This. might not be the best point bc it feels like Jack excepts her to be ok, and 13 does have people pleasing tendencies, but still. They're friends and he does care about her. I think getting thrown into prison to break her out demonstrates this point.) Even when the fam corner her and ask if she's ok, it never continues into a productive conversation - either she deflects or it gets awkward fast because they don't know how to reply to what she's said and it never goes anywhere. She's such a repressed mess I don't know how anyone interprets her as genuinely happy. (Just to note before anyone thinks I'm hating, I do love 13. She's pretty high up on my list of favourite Doctors.)

Now (the main reason why I wanted to make this post), to explain why I think Donna is kind of the perfect person for the Doctor to go to to stop and rest and heal. (Disclaimer - 10 and Donna are my favourites. While I love them a whole lot, I am trying to be fair when I think about this. Please keep that in mind.)

Of the NuWho companions, after crossing off the people that are dead, not on this Earth/universe, and left of their own volition; you are left with Donna and Yaz.

(I'm struggling to keep things kind of concise, so I'm going to make a list that is hopefully comprehensive.)

I'm going to start with Yaz, and I do like her, but I'm gonna outline why I don't think she would be a good option.

Yaz is young. She's in her early 20's, and as someone who is also in their early 20s, I'm gonna straight up say that helping someone rest and recover through lifetimes (multiple!) of trauma is not something Yaz is going to be equipped to handle.

Yaz has only just started her life. She's driven and loves the adventures she's had with the Doctor, so much so that she stayed with the Doctor after everyone else left. Yaz would get as restless as the Doctor, resulting in either more adventures or resentment.

Yaz is in love with her. We get the scenes where the Doctor says she would but can't, and in them Yaz looks heartbroken. If the circumstances were different then maybe they could have, but they're not so they can't. Yaz needs time to heal her heartbreak, which she can't really do if the Doctor is still around (and whether or not the Doctor is 13, they're still the Doctor and would still be difficult for Yaz. Also difficult for the Doctor bc she did love Yaz but her fear and trauma was unfortunately too much for her to risk it).

Just to repeat, I think Yaz should have been mentioned in the episode. It doesn't make sense for someone who the Doctor has explicitly stated they loved not to be mentioned.

And here are the reasons why I think Donna was the good choice.

Donna and the Doctor make each other better during their run together. Donna reminds him that he can do good, even if the impact is small. The Doctor shows her that she matters, and is brilliant.

Although he doesn't know it at the time, the Doctor is given an opportunity to save Donna and return her memories, undoing one of the things he has massive guilt over.

Donna is someone who has settled down. She has a house, a husband, a kid. She knows what it's like to go a bit crazy being stuck in one place (even if not for the same reasons). She has the ability and experience to help the Doctor through it. She is also someone who will enforce his rest and healing while knowing what it's like to want to be doing something.

Donna also comes with an added support system because her family is pretty close knit, with a particular spotlight on Wilf ('I'd be proud to have you as a father', anyone?).

This so pretty long and if you're still here then thanks for reading! Mainly I wrote it to put my thoughts out there so I don't explode. If you have any thoughts about this and are gonna be nice about it, then feel free to add to this post :)

#doctor who #doctor who special #the giggle #long post #discussion #im kinda nervous posting this bc i dont want people to be rude about my opinions and interpretations but. im gonna explode if i dont post i #here we go i guess lol

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