Delissandro learns that he loves Colin. Deli also learns he loves Karna. These loves, he learns, are different but no less impactful. Both he also learns, more than a little painfully, a little too late.
His love for Colin is tinged with boyhood and want. He wants to be known. He wants the meatlands to be free. He wants to aid in the war and play the political games that his mother refuses to do so. He wants and he’s willing. If he believed in The Bulb, he’d might even say it’s his destiny.
So he names Colin his Skald. His trustworthy advisor. He wants Colin. He doesn’t know in what way yet. The man ten years (at least) his senior. He’s but a boy. He has no idea what up or down is. How to quantify his want, how to understand his want. He wants. So he must have. This is something he is unwilling to compromise on.
Colin is his Skald. He is close to him, always. That makes Deli happy. His Skald is never apart from him. They are always close, always talking. Two years is more than enough time to form a bond forged in fire. So he thinks.
Deli wants Colin with him. Colin, however, does not want to be apart of Deli’s plans. Not anymore. A bond forged in fire, he thinks, too bad the welding was thin.
His love for Karna is a slow thing. Anything else, and it would be weird, anything more...he wishes that there was more. He doesn’t notice it at first. Of course he doesn’t. Each time he sees her it’s hard to reconcile the person she’s become in the years they have been away from the person she was before. She is a 14 year old girl, and then suddenly she is 16, and then suddenly it’s been five years and she’s nearing 21. Each visage is different from the last. Hungry, rotting. Hungry and lanky. Hungry and beautiful.
He calls her Skald, but inside she is just Karna. Her name ricochet's around his brain every time he lays down. Every time they win a battle together. Every time. It circles. It crescendo’s. Karna, Karna, Karna.
Deli knows about want. He’s never been good at figuring out what it means for him. It tangles with his missing limb, his old want for his Skald Colin, when he was but a boy. It changes and morphs. But there is war.
Ultimately, he wants to be slammed down big style. This he thinks, is the crux of the problem. He’s never been slammed down big style. That is what he truly wants.
With Karna.
Not Skald Karna. Just Karna. Karna who always comes when he calls. Karna who gave him her eye. Karna, Karna, Karna, Karna.
Within the same moment he realizes that he wants Karna she is gone.
Deli loves his Skald. Deli loves Karna. These both are the same type of love. But, as he watches the sun rise over the horizon of the meatlands, he comes to both these realizations much too late.
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Um my hand slipped and I wrote 930 words of Matthew being the very best raven a sad emo bastard of a dream lord could ask for.
Matthew wasn’t entirely sure how he navigated the Palace of the Dreaming. It wasn’t like the rooms stayed the same or like the rooms that were almost always there (the Library for example) stayed in the same place. He wasn’t even sure that they had a place as it were.
But if Matthew thought about where he wanted to go and started flying, usually he got there.
Lord Morpheus was easy to find in the Dreaming. He had a gravitational pull, like the entire realm was being gently drawn towards him at all times. All Matthew had to do was follow the current and eventually he would end up on the Dream King’s shoulder.
He thought sometimes about how Jessamy must have felt, separated from that comforting current for decades. It made his feathers stand on end and made him grip Lord Morpheus’s shoulder a little tighter with his talons. It wasn’t at all surprising to Matthew that Jessamy gave her life trying to free Lord Morpheus. He was certain that if he was in her shoes (well, not shoes, birds don’t wear shoes) he would have done the same.
Matthew stood in front of the door and cocked his head, looking at it. Lord Morpheus was on the other side of the door, Matthew could feel his pull. He had been Somewhere Else, not the Dreaming or the waking world, and hadn’t taken Matthew, which had Matthew’s feathers a bit ruffled. But now he was back in the Dreaming and Matthew wanted to go to him. Just to check in. See if he needed anything. Make sure he was ok. And so he had started following the pull but ended up in front of this closed door.
He hadn’t reached a closed door before. Usually walls and doors in the Palace just kind of became insubstantial as he approached them. Maybe this one meant that Lord Morpheus wanted to be alone? Maybe it meant that something was wrong? Matthew considered going to check with Lucienne but what if something was wrong now? What if it would be more wrong in the time it took him to find Lucienne and come back? What if Lucienne would be horrified that Matthew hadn’t tried - really tried - to get to Lord Morpheus?
Matthew took a breath, pictured Lord Morpheus, and pushed -
He tumbled beak over tail feathers into the room.
Matthew got to his feet and shook his feathers back into place, then looked around. Lord Morpheus was sitting on a cushion on the floor in the corner of the room, knees drawn up to his chest. He looked far more like a wet cat than the mighty king of a realm, even though he was in his human form. Matthew hopped a little closer.
“Uh, Boss?”
Lord Morpheus raised his head. His eyes were black with stars in them but still looked wet and shimmering.
“Matthew?”
“Hey,” Matthew hopped up to his feet, “are you ok?”’
Lord Morpheus ran his hand over his face then shifted to sit with his legs crossed in front of him. “I am… ok. I was speaking with my sister, Despair. As always it was a trying experience.”
“Do - uh - do you want me to leave you alone? You had the door closed…”
“No.” The answer came much faster than Matthew was expecting. “No, I find I would be glad of the company.”
Warmed by this, Matthew hopped up onto Lord Morpheus’s knee. “Siblings, huh?”
“Did you have siblings, Matthew?” He rested his head against the wall behind him.
“A little sister,” Matthew replied with a shake of his feathers. “She was a pain in the ass. Not the anthropomorphic personification of despair, mind you, but certainly not pleasant.”
Lord Morpheus chuckled softly and reached out to stroke the back of his index finger over the feathers of Matthew’s chest.
That… huh. That felt really good. Matthew leaned into the contact and Lord Morpheus kept stroking.
“So what did Despair want?”
“The usual,” Lord Morpheus huffed, “to goad me. Under the guise of ‘catching up’ of course.”
“Do you think Desire put her up to it?”
“It is possible. But Despair hardly needs encouragement. She hates me just as much as her twin does, though she is generally less devious in her ways of showing it.”
“Why do they hate you so much?”
“Our realms are close together but I exceed them in power. Death and Destiny are too remote to provoke their ire, but I am near enough to inspire jealousy and competition.”
“Why do you talk to them then if they just bring you grief?”
Lord Morpheus sighed deeply. “Because they are still my family.”
Matthew had never been a hugger as a human and now he didn’t even have arms but he had to do something. He came to a decision and ducked his head under Lord Morpheus’s hand as he reached out to stroke Matthew’s chest. Matthew rubbed his head against the palm in what he hoped was a comforting and affectionate gesture.
Lord Morpheus hesitated a moment and Matthew felt his stomach drop. Had he gone too far? But then Lord Morpheus held out his hand in front of Matthew’s feet and Matthew hesitantly stepped onto it. Lord Morpheus lifted him and brought him close to his chest. Matthew bumped his head gently against him and was rewarded with a stroke down his back. Then another, and another. Before Matthew knew it, he was cradled in the Dream King’s arms, being petted gently.
Matthew sighed happily. The problem with beaks, he thought, was that they couldn’t smile.
~~
Update: I’ve written more of these! Click here for more Matthew the Emotional Support Raven fluff.
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Solitary Lantern By The Seaside (1/2)
I feel asleep with the sunset and was awakened by the bright moon outside the window. I opened the door and saw the silver frost floating in the sky, depicting the coldness of the night.
The sea breeze blew away the remaining sleepiness, and I simply walked towards the sparkling waves of the sea in this pleasant wind.
Walking along the traces left by the sea foam, I walked a long way without realizing it. When I turned back, all the lonely lights were gone.
Under the frosty moon, a familiar figure stood.
Noan: Good evening Commandant.
The firefly in his hand emits a soft light like breathing, calling to his companions in the night.
Skk: You seemed to have guessed that I would come.
Noan: It's not the first time I've met you at night.
The two of us looked at each other, smiled, and looked at the clear stars in the sky.
Noan: Do you want to take a walk together? I want to talk with you.
Skk: Sure.
He came over and got closer than usual.
The clear moonlight dragged the long shadows of the two of us, reminding people of the night when they chased their shadow into the forest.
Skk: You have been coming to the Sky Garden for a long time.
Noan: Yes, it seems like it was not long ago when I came back to you.
Skk: At the beginning, I was worried that you wouldn't be able to fit in here.
He looked back with a smile, as if asking why I thought so.
Skk: (Mentioning the training room.)
When Noan first came to the Sky Garden, many people were afraid of the involvement between him and the Ascendant. They regarded him as a dangerous person and were not even willing to share the same training room with him.
Noan: Those things have been solved- part of them have been solved. It is difficult to change everyone's minds, but I can start with some small things.
Noan: A while ago, when the Dark Aries was transferred out of the Sky Garden, the instructor in the training room gave me a small bag of biscuits.
>[Ah... could it be that Simon ate that...]<
[I always felt that people from the Dark Aries would sometimes hurt Simon unintentionally.]
Noan: Sorry... but I really didn't know he was allergic to sesame. Fortunately, the symptoms were not serious.
Skk: He didn't know either. He said he had never eaten sesame seeds before.
Skk: When I went to visit him, he thought someone had poisoned him.
Noan: Yeah...
Skk: When you first came here, Simon thought you were being bullied.
Noan: Just because of the training room? Hmm... But thanks to these things, Commandant Simon helped me apply for the qualification of the librarian.
Noan: If I had to choose between the training room and the library, it would definitely be the latter.
Skk: You couldn't have done it on purpose.
He laughed out loud at my guess, without answering yes or no.
Skk: In fact, it's not just the training room, the experiments are also...
At first, I didn't know what experiment Noan wanted to cooperate with. It wasn't until one day when I went to the Science Council to get the test report when I saw...
The body that had been dismantled to pieces, and the young man sitting among its own limbs and parts.
Noan: Well, this is the exchange condition for me to come to the Sky Garden. I have to fulfill my agreement, not to mention, I am also very curious.
Noan: What did Lithos do to allow me to do something similar to an ascendant without being an ascendant or an infected?
Noan: Now that the stability of my M.I.N.D has been verified, the safety of these experiments can be guaranteed, and they also illustrate the necessity of doing these.
Skk: I just didn't expect... Someone actually took opportunity to copy your M.I.N.D...
Hearing these words, Noan did not answer, but took a small step closer.
>[......]<
[What's wrong?]
He reached out his hand and gently pinched the cheek of the person in front of him.
Skk: .....Why are you comforting me?
The young man spread his hand with a smile.
>[......]<
[......You....]
Looking back now, after Kurono got into trouble because of that incident, Simon asked me distressedly how he could make the team as relaxed and friendly as Gray Raven.
Like all Commandants, we learned a lot of things a Commandant should do in F.O.S class. We knew how to manage team members and how to customize combat plans.
Logically speaking, as long as the relationship between "Commandant" and "members" is maintained well, the normal operation of the team can be maintained.
But things went against his expectations. After experiencing several team reorganizations... he also began want to try things other than the Commandant's responsibilities.
In order to sort out specific plans, I would occasionally ask Simon and Noan questions that are familiar to them.
In this way, while helping the Dark Aries, I gradually got closer to Noan.
After the escape in the library, the two of us quietly reached some kind of agreement.
Whenever I asks Noan for help, I will take him to avoid some social interactions and troubles.
When there is no way around it, he will stay by my side to help with the tedious reporting and approval processes. He will even borrow some software to disguise himself and hold video conferences on my behalf.
Skk: A while ago, I was told that you seemed to be able to do the clone technique.
Noan: Because you went to give lectures again and held video conferences in the combat preparation room?
Skk: Yeah, it's a miracle it wasn't exposed.
Noan: Anyway, they didn't ask anything, and I just read the report we compiled through the voice changer.
Skk: Would you like to give me a lecture next time?
Noan: I really want to, but all I can do now is to pretend to prescribe the wrong medicine.
Skk: Wrong medicine... that's right.
Skk: How about the thing you said about going study at the Star of Life?
Noan: I got a lot of video reference materials. After watching these and practicing for a while, I will be ready to take the first aid qualification test.
As Noan said this, he slowly stopped.
Noan: We have been walking along the coast for a long time. Do you want to sit down and rest for a while?
>[Sure.]<
[(Nod)]
The two of us sat on the ground by the beach, gazing at the stars amid the low hum of the waves, until the moonlight gradually disappeared into the clouds.
Noan: It seems like I haven't seen you in such a leisurely state for a long time... it's not for the mission, and you are not in a hurry state to leave.
Noan: .....Last time, it was in the Sky Garden, right?
Skk: Yes.
One night before the Dark Aries was transferred to Constareye, I had some insomnia for some reason. I wanted to walk around the square, but unknowingly ended up near the library.
As he said, this was not the first time the two of us met at night.
Skk: I still remember talking to you a lot that night.
At first, we were just talking about what happened recently, Liv was gradually getting better, the cleanup unit made a plan for rectification, recent missions, etc...
Unknowingly, I even said those things that were blocked in my heart.
The endless stream of defectors, the changes in the disaster area, the missing people, Lucia's supervision, and the Gray Raven that have been unable to be reunited.
--He is a good person to talk to.
He never expresses superficial comfort, nor proposes plans that are difficult to achieve, nor does he question whether the current sadness comes from a small thing.
The conversation between us continued until the sky turned slightly white, and we finally fell asleep. However, there would be a combat meeting to be held in two hours, and we would have to rush to the ground base next.
>[......Already departure]<
[I should have gone back earlier]
Listening to these regretful words, Noan picked up a cup from the bar and gently touched my cheek.
>[So cold!]<
[Hey....]
Noan: When you just sat down, you said that you wouldn't be able to sleep even if you went back.
Skk: That's true...
Noan: If you hold on for a while longer, you will be able to sleep after boarding the transport cart.
After taking the coffee from him, the two of us said goodbye to each other, unaware of the storm that followed.
Noan: After hearing the news that you were missing, I have been trying to find you, but the Dark Aries still has restrictions on its activity area and cannot get out.
Noan: Those who are most likely to know the situation are wary of me... Although I don't know why, I am sure that this attitude has a very precise source.
Noan: Later, you finally came back... I also learned the real reason from you.
The young man sighed deeply and smiled bitterly.
Skk: When I told you those words, I thought you would do something.
Skk: That's why I paid special attention to your actions.
Skk: No matter what, kidnapping the Commandant is still too...
Noan: Yes, sorry.
Skk: Do you know that you will most likely be regarded as a defector?
He responded quietly and reached out to the place where the wound had remained on my neck, as if to confirm whether the wound had healed.
>[What should I do if even my testimony doesn't help?]<
[......]
In most people's impressions, Noan is a person with a good temper, so good that no matter what he does, he will not be angry. Many people think that monitoring him is an unnecessary behavior.
Because of this, that reckless action caught many people, including the Dark Aries, by surprise.
Noan: However, I know that he will definitely come again, and I can't let him run away this time.
Noan's voice was very calm, as if he was talking about an ordinary task.
Skk: Regarding this, you didn't tell Simon.
Noan: Having said what must be said, Commandant Simon will not talk to me about you or anything unnecessary.
Noan: I can only vaguely feel the boundaries of his concession. Once he thinks this matters is dangerous, it will only make my actions more troublesome.
>[So... you have to go no matter what.]<
[Considering this matter means that you have no intention of giving up at all.]
Noan: Well, some people shouldn't be alive in the first place. Since he will definitely come, it will be faster for me to do it myself, not to mention that it is related to the people I care about.
He withdrew his hand from checking the wound.
Skk: But I still hope you can discuss it with me...
Noan: Well, I promise you, I will definitely...
Skk: Might as well do it now.
Noan: Yeah.
The moonlight receded and the sky gradually turned dark dawn was coming.
READ: INTRO-1 | INTRO-2 | NOAN-1 | NOAN-2
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