Latching On To You
Joel Miller x F!reader
Explicit, 18+
Chapter Three: Devil’s River
Series Masterlist & My Main Masterlist - My Ao3
Series summary: What happens when, after thirteen loving years of being with Joel, you start to feel like he’s slipping away from your grasp? How much of yourself will you lose because of the trauma your father put you through at such a young age? You could be wrong about Joel, but something is telling you otherwise - or are you just not healed enough to see past your own insecurities?
Chapter summary: Joel isn’t home when you wake up and doesn’t come home that evening, all you knew was that he was with Tommy. So with the house to yourself, you take care of a few things, then call your best friend. She wants to take you out for some fun downtown, but when you two end up getting into some trouble, will Joel come save you or is it too late?
Word count: 5.3k
Warnings: slight age difference (35/40), No use of y/n, no outbreak AU, no Sarah AU, angst, self harm with cocaine and drinking, TW:SA ATTEMPT(NOT JOEL), violence to reader from SA assault, going unconscious, reader ends up in hospital
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“C’mon Joel, pick up. PICK up. PICK UP.” Rita repeats to the phone. “FUCK,” Joel doesn’t answer for the fifth time, “umumum..” she mumbles with shaky breaths, she is shaking your body to keep you awake, Rita rings up Tommy’s number she found in your contacts.
“Please stay awake babes, you’re gonna be okay.” She tells you as her free hand taps your face, you can hear how frightened she is but you’re not able to say or do anything back to her. “Thank GOD! Tommy it’s Rita, we need your help please!” Rita screaming into the phone is the last thing you hear before your brain tells you to shut your eyes.
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You don’t remember falling asleep last night, all you can remember is watching the ceiling fan spin over and over again, kind of trance like. The sun rays creep through your bedroom window, you must've forgotten to close the curtains last night. Reluctantly you open your eyes and stretch out your exhausted body and read the clock, “11:21AM”. You sigh, wishing you could stay curled up in your soft sage green comforter, however you’re assuming the food never got put away after the fiasco last night.
As you sit yourself up against the headboard, you get this aching sensation in your right temple, “Great.” You mumble, a migraine is just what you need today, fucking unbelievable. You slowly make yourself head to the bathroom once again, but this time you open the medicine cabinet and snag the Advil bottle, fill up a glass of water, and pop two of them.
Looking in the mirror again, you see the reflection of yourself - but it’s almost like a third person visual, you can’t explain the feeling in your brain, you’re just kind of there, in the moment. But you shake yourself from getting too in depth about this and you grab your toothbrush and begin your morning.
Still wearing Joel’s green flannel and a pair of shorts, you creep down your staircase, wondering if Joel came back and you just didn’t hear him. You’re really hoping he’s home, even if he’s still mad, you just want to know he’s still here.
Slowly rounding the corner, you roll your eyes as you see the steel pot still on the stove, both your plates on the dining room table, the radio still playing a station, and the dish washer still open. You groan and bring your hands to your face out of pure frustration, “Fuck you Joel.” You speak into your hands, so angry and confused - completely unaware of how this happened so fast.
The ringing of your phone makes you jump out of your skin, you look at the device on the counter, and as you move towards it you read the name, “Tommy” on the screen. You laugh to yourself, the coincidence of him calling right now is almost comedic. You’re not sure you want to answer, but you do anyway, “Hello?” You almost whisper, like you're sneaking away to make a call.
“Hey hun..um,” Tommy sounds concerned but also pissed, “Look - I just wanted to tell you that Joel is here, has been since last night.” You stay silent, not really sure what to say or think right now. A long uncomfortable silence falls between the two of you and you almost hang up before you slightly hear in the background, “What is she saying?”.
You now feel like a fucking idiot. You thought Tommy actually cared and wanted the best for you, but this shows he’s being a pawn in Joel’s game, even though Tommy didn’t need to be. “Tell Joel, if he wants to know what I’m saying - maybe he should be a man and talk to his wife him-fucking-self.” You hang up before either of them get a chance to have a rebuttal, which definitely would’ve started more arguments.
You look around the kitchen and dining room you share with Joel, you put your cell on DND and onto the counter - you’ve hit the point where your emotions have calmed. You’re almost in a shell shocked kind of state, no anger or resentment, just numb to the core. It’s been a long time since you’ve felt this way, and usually you would reach out to Isabelle around times like this and she would make you feel like the world wasn’t on fire anymore.
But you can’t do that now, you’re on your own with this - or that’s how you feel right now. You don’t want to involve your mom because she has her own shit to deal with, she doesn’t need her daughter’s problems on top of it - or that’s what you think, even though you know she would drop everything to help you.
You take a deep shaky breath, glancing back at the diamond on your finger, a smile appears but as fast as it came, it was gone. Before you get lost in memories that almost seem nonexistent now, you turn the radio louder, and you begin to clean up. Put the pasta into a Tupperware container, clean the pot and dishes from the table, scrub the counters, and then you mop the floor. A sense of peace comes over you as you step back and look at the sparkling kitchen. Come to find out, you love cleaning when you’re stressed, it gives you some sense of control in situations when you don’t have any.
—
“So you’re telling me he just left?! Without saying anything?” Your best friend, Rita, yells causing you to pull the phone away from your ear for a second. “Yes dude…I’m just completely floored by him right now.” You scoff, taking a swig of the Jack Daniel’s bottle you grabbed from the cabinet that Joel built for all your expensive liquors you two bought over the years. “Is he still gone?” She questions, “Yep,” you look over to the clock on your wall, “It’s juussttt around the time shit started last night.” You laugh to yourself.
“Okay well I’m coming over and we’re going out, you need to leave the energy that is in the house right now.” Rita squeals to herself and before you can reject her idea she says, “and don’t even think about telling me no. You haven’t been out with me in months, you owe me pretty much!”
You throw your head back in laughter, Rita always knew what to do in your times of need, you’re really thankful for her - she is like the slightly older sister you never had. You two met through Joel’s work at a Christmas party, she actually is another construction worker, and you two clicked immediately. She’s the one who first brought up the Samantha thing before you had even said anything to anyone about your suspicions - so you and Rita are close to say the very least.
“Okay okay, I’m already,” you hold up the bottle to your face, “just abouttt…half way through a Jack Daniel’s .. you’ll have to catch up sister!” You hear her snort on the other end, “God damn girl, I’ll be over in an hour, be ready, I love you!” You tell her you love her and hang up the phone, you now look around the silent house as you sit on the sectional you had Joel move in yesterday.
You had cleaned the entire house - first and second floor. Kitchen, dining room, living room, both bathrooms, did laundry, cleaned up the bedroom and the guest room, and then the patio. The place looked like a beautiful home where a family should be thriving, but it was only you here.
“Nope. Not getting upset, I’m going to have fun tonight!” You talk to yourself as you stand up, having to balance yourself, and you begin to walk upstairs. Scrolling through your music on your phone until you find The Chain by Fleetwood Mac. “Fuck yeah.” Is all you whisper while the instruments start and you sway your hips to the bedroom to get ready.
—
And it all comes down to you
Well, you know that it does and
Lightning strikes maybe once, maybe twice
Oh and it lights up the night
And you see your gypsy
You see your gypsy
The song bounces through the empty halls of the house, you and Rita are in your bathroom sitting on the sink finishing up your makeup. Your outfits are very similar, without even talking about it, both wearing black cowboy hats and boots, the difference was you were wearing a white lace crop top and a black mini skirt with a black knit shawl, and Rita was wearing a black tight dress with a white fur coat.
You two decided to go to the Devil’s River, a small country bar downtown, Joel and you have gone there hundreds of times together, over the years it has turned into one of your favorite spots.
“God I love Stevie Nicks, I wish I had her style.” Your words kind of blur together as you do last minute touch ups - when Rita showed up about twenty minutes ago, she helped you with finishing the whiskey you had opened a couple hours ago. So you and her were already pretty drunk, but you couldn’t be happier than right now and the night hasn’t even started yet.
Rita looks at you and praises you, “Babe you have your own personal style. Which is a mix of Stevie Nicks, country girl, and 90’s Hip hop!” You laugh at the wild mix of genres she put you in, “Like tonight - country with the cowgirl hat and boots, Stevie with your shawl, and 90’s with your crop top and skirt! All very hot by the way!”
“I love you so much.” Is all you can tell her, Rita is the best person to be friends with, this just solidified that for you. “Okay,” she hugs you, “the Uber should be out front any second, let’s go have some fun babes!” She smiles at you, which you mirror back to her.
After double checking everything was locked, you two carefully trot down the white wooden steps of your front porch towards the black SUV with a blue light that says, “UBER”. You are so ready to have some fun, you need this tonight, a night to forget yesterday, a night to remember - life is still fun even if shit goes downhill.
—
“Thank you Ma’am!” The two of you shout to your driver as you both walk towards the front door of the building. Stopping to look at the sign, “Devil’s River” in bright red LED lights sign down and you smile, so happy to be out and about, ready to let go of yesterday's pain. It's just about Midnight when you two arrive, which is when it’s the most packed, Rita or you don’t mind though.
“Let’s go have some fun baby!” Rita tells you as she grabs your hand and pulls you inside the doors. Walking in the smell of whiskey, woodsy musk, cigarettes, and sweat fills your senses. It’s almost overwhelming but as Rita drags you further into the bar through the crowd, finding a, somehow, unattended standing table in the corner by the bathrooms, you get used to the aroma around you pretty quickly.
There’s a younger looking country band playing “You Should Probably Leave”, by Chris Stapleton on the stage in front, they sound pretty good to you - not Chris Stapleton good, but not terrible. “You want more whiskey or are we mixing?” Rita gets your attention away from the band, “Whiskey. I cannot mix my liquors anymore, I do not handle hangovers like I could in my twenties!” You laugh at her, she laughs as she nods her head and agrees with you and she struts towards the crowded bar.
You decide to look at your phone one more time before the night truly begins, just because. Scrolling through your socials nothing catches your eye until you see a new story from Tommy on Snapchat, you hesitate to click on it - not wanting to upset yourself, but the whiskey gives you a boost of confidence. You click on it and there he was, Joel with Tommy, drinking at some night club. You’re in disbelief that Tommy took him out - even though you were out doing the same thing, but you expected him to be gloomy Joel, but you guess you were wrong.
Rita snaps her fingers in your face getting you out of the trance you were in. “Babe..put it away. Just you and me tonight!” She convinces you by putting the whiskey in front of you. “Look at this bitch.” Slurring as you put your phone to her face, she laughs and goes, “Well let’s give a little pay back!” With a sly grin on your face you swipe to the camera and raise the phone to take a selfie.
“God we’re so hot.” You yell to her over the music playing as you put a little filter on it and hit post, feeling like you just won a contest to see who’s petty more. “To you babes, and to a night out that you deserve.” Rita smiles as she raises her shot of whiskey to you and you do the same, “To a night out with you.” The shot hits you hard, hits the back of your throat with the burning sensation. “God damn that’s good stuff!” You shout as you slam the glass on the table, Rita laughs at you. Grabbing her hand you pull her to the busy dance floor and you sing, “Let’s go dance!”
—
It’s around one-thirty when Rita finds a group that she went to college with and she brings them over to your guys table.
The group consists of two couples; the first couple was Becky and Joe, she was a stay at home mom of two kids, while he worked as an engineer. From what you gathered, they weren’t gonna last much longer, he gave off a “he’s a drunk mess' ' vibe, which you could smell a mile away because of your father. The second couple was Veronica and Richard, these two were the rich couple, you were surprised to see them even set foot in a bar like this. She had her own company as a home designer and he worked in the stock market, they did very well for themselves.
Out of the two pairs you happened to connect more with Veronica and Richard, another reason was because Joe reminded you too much of your father and you just couldn’t talk to him. You’re interrupted from your thoughts as you hear Veronica announce, “I’m gonna go to the ladies room, anyone else?” You almost jump from your stool and tell her you gotta go too, wanting to escape from Joe's energy. Rita is engaged in a conversation with Richard about something about Stocks, while the other couple are arguing amongst themselves.
Veronica and you stumble your way through the crowd and reach the women’s bathroom, as you enter a couple girls in their twenties leave all hollering, you smile knowing what it’s like at their age to be out! “God I miss being that age!” Veronica says to you as you go into the light brown colored stalls next to each other, “I know me too, no worries in the world, just partying and fun!” You confess as you start to pee, the alcohol of tonight catching up to you as a stupid smile creeps on your face, your body is buzzing which makes you giggle to yourself.
The music pounds through the walls as you open your stall and go to wash your hands. Veronica opens her stall and pipes up, “That’s in there for you!” At first you’re confused but then you look at her and notice the way she sniffs and it clicks - Coke. You haven’t done that since college, you were pretty recreationally with it, - it was the thing to do, you don’t have any shame in it.
You’re not sure if you want to, mainly because you only just met Veronica and not sure where she got this it from, if it’s safe. But you have so much alcohol flowing through your body that your brain is not making the best decisions, so you smile at her and go, “Thank youuu, didn’t know you got down like this Ms.Veronica!”
She laughs as she turns the sink on and washes her hands, “Honey, I’ve been doing this forever, Richard too!” You giggle at her just being so honest about it, you wouldn’t be - the only reason now is you’re almost to the point of black out drunk. “I’ll wait till you’re ready so we don’t stagger by ourselves!” She smiles, you tell her perfect as you close the stall door and you see a little foldable tray, Veronica has her own little “On The Go Coke set up”, with a good size line with a small straw next to it.
Without even thinking about what you’re doing, you check which nostril is the clearest, it happens to be your right one. You then grab the straw, plug the left side, line them up, then you inhale as you move the straw to the right and clear the whole line Veronica put out for you.
The feeling of Esther hits your throat immediately and makes you cough a couple times, but the rush is instant. You haven’t felt this feeling in a long time and you feel great, refreshed almost, “Woooo damn girl! This is good shit, I haven't done that in years!” You babbled as you folded her little tray and opened the stall for the final time, handing her the little tray.
“Richard knows a guy and we go to him every time, so we know it’s safe! If you ever need any just call me and I can get you a deal!” She admits to you and with your head rushing you laugh and tell her thank you so much. Both of you do a once over in the mirror to make sure you look presentable, after a minute a different set of girls bust in screaming the lyrics to “Boot Scootin’ Boogie” by Brooks and Dunn.
You and Veronica can’t help but belt out laughing and then join in the singing as you walk out the door. The bar somehow seems busier than before, which you didn’t think was possible, the dance floor was filled with drunk people who loved their country music.
Your head is just pounding from the instant rush and the jitter-like feeling in your body begins. Somehow you hear Rita yelling for you at your table, you turn your head and quickly weave through the sweaty bodies towards her with Veronica on your tail.
You’re hoping Veronica can keep a secret even though you didn’t tell her too, because you don’t want Rita to know about the Coke, at least right now. You probably should tell her though, just in case, but you don’t. “Joe and Becky left, he was hammered!” Rita belts over the music, you go to say something in response but your train of thought is stopped by Veronica going to her husband and whispering something in his ear and both of them laugh.
Now you’re paranoid like crazy.
—
What was she saying? Did she tell him? Does Rita know? Are your eyes super dilated? Is there still some on your nose? The last thing you needed was for this to go around town, “That’s the coke whore.” People would whisper when you would go anywhere - god why did you do that line?
—
Your mind is racing with sporadic thoughts and your breathing becomes erratic, “I’m gonna step outside, I’ll be right back!” You quickly announce and shuffle towards the front door, the feeling of claustrophobia is tingling in your bones from the amount of people in this little bar. You get out the double wooden doors, turn to your right, and just start speed walking under the city lights.
You don’t know where you’re heading but you just need to be out of there, your head still racing and pounding, body is still jumping and now the drip is hitting your throat which makes you start gagging.
Your feet stop moving as the sudden urge to throw up hits you like a freight train, grabbing the wall of the building next to you, your body starts to shake as you vomit. The mix of Esther and liquor is burning your throat and nose terribly, your tears are now a mix of the liquids coming out of you. After a minute you stop coughing and collect yourself a little bit, still very drunk, you stand up with wobbly legs, facing the wall with both hands above your head so you can catch a breath.
Looking up into the starry summer night sky, a pair of large hands suddenly land on either side of your hips which makes you jump, but the front of your body is slammed up against the brick wall from behind. “What the fuck-“ You start, but your mouth is covered by one of the man’s hands and the horror sets in, all you smell behind you is cigarettes and straight garbage. You start to feel this man grinding his growing bulge on your ass and you are squirming, trying to do anything but you're too inebriated and weak.
He moans as the hand on your hip travels lower to grab your ass and he forcefully pulls your miniskirt up to show your ass jiggle. You cry loudly into his dirty hand, your body is trying to flee but you can’t go anywhere, you’re trying to think of what to do but you can’t think straight - between the coke, alcohol, the sound of his jeans unzipping, the smell of him, and the feeling of his cock sliding on your panties.
You’re about to just let it happen when all of a sudden you hear footsteps approaching fast and, “GET OFF OF HER!” You automatically know it’s Rita, a sense of relief washes over you but it’s quickly replaced with your head being slammed into the brick wall you were forced on. Your body all of a sudden becomes a bag of bones, you slump down hard, hitting the cement with a smack of your face - you’re frozen, body cannot move.
The man runs the other direction while your body is discarded like trash, but Rita appears and grabs your body to turn you over. When she does, you want to say thank you or you’re sorry, but nothing comes out, you can’t move either. You’ve never felt this amount of pain before, your head felt like it was bouncing around and the pressure inside was only increasing.
You get this feeling that you want to close your eyes, you should know better than to do that but you can’t think, your brain just isn’t working. Rita is holding your body on her lap, she’s bawling her eyes out and screaming for help and what to do. She must’ve seen your phone on the sidewalk because you see her holding it and unlocking it, she puts the phone to her ear while she frantically cries, “You’re gonna be okay! How were you so fast? I was right behind you inside but lost you as soon as I got outside the bar!”
You just stare at her, cause that’s all you can do - you wish you never left the bar. A span of three minutes goes by and you are barely hanging on, you heard at one point the paramedics were on the way but nothing else. You keep nodding out from the pain radiating through your head and now your body, blood is now running down your face.
“C’mon Joel, pick up. PICK up. PICK UP.” Rita repeats to the phone. “FUCK,” Joel doesn’t answer for the fifth time, “umumum..” she mumbles with shaky breaths, she is shaking your body to keep you awake, Rita rings up Tommy’s number she found in your contacts.
“Please stay awake babes, you’re gonna be okay.” She tells you again as her free hand taps your face, you can hear how frightened she is but you’re not able to say or do anything back to her. “Thank GOD! Tommy it’s Rita, we need your help please!” Rita screaming into the phone is the last thing you hear before your brain tells you to shut your eyes.
—
“Where did you guys go? Where did she get coke? You let her drink that much and then walk by herself? Who was the guy?” You hear the mix of voices and questions being thrown around the small hospital room alongside the beeping of the machines monitoring you. “I don’t know where she got the coke from, not me! We went to the Devil’s River downtown! Don’t blame me, she wouldn’t have been there in the first place if you were being an asshole!” Rita is defending herself to Joel, she should not have to do that, after all she is right, she did nothing wrong - again you were in the wrong.
“Will you two stop? I’ve heard enough about it from others, I need to hear from her.” You hear the once delicate, now broken, voice of your mom. You feel your heart rip, exactly like it did the other night with Joel, you open your eyes wanting nothing more than to see her.
You’re met with the bright white lights of the hospital room which make your head throb once again, as you adjust to them, your mom is the first person you see and she jumps onto you like lightning. “Mom!” Is all you cry into her shoulder, she starts a mix of laughter and tears that muffles into your gown. You two hold each other for at least five minutes not wanting to let each other go again.
After the two of you calm down and aren’t crying anymore, she reluctantly lets go of you. “I’m going to get some water and ice, I’ll be right back babydoll.” She calmly tells you and walks out the door into the hallway, you watch her disappear from your view and now you know it’s time to face reality.
You turn your attention to Joel, Tommy, and Rita who are sitting on the couch next to your bed. Rita looks a mess, her makeup smeared all over her face from tears, snot, and sweat - your eyes stop at her hands and sleeves, covered in blood, your blood you're sure. “Come here.” Your voice cracks as you speak to Rita and raise your arms like a hug, she jumps out of her seat and gently, still pretty hard, grips you in a hug.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t catch up in time! I wish I could get my hands on him! It all happened so fast and you were just gone,” she’s gasping for air as tears flow out of her, she holds your face and looks into your eyes, “And-and why didn’t you tell me you did a line?! You need to tell me those kinda things when we’re to-together!”
You feel like a piece of shit. There is no reason for Rita to feel like she’s at fault, because if you were just an adult, none of this would have happened. “No no no! It’s not your fault, it was all me okay?” You sternly tell her as you grab her face back and stare into her baby blue eyes, which now have a glossy red layer over them from her tears.
She sniffles and slowly nods her head in agreement, she rubs her nose from the snot running down with a tissue she had. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” She finally asks with a defeated tone in her question, she thought you trusted her like she did you, this makes it seem otherwise. “I was scared you would leave me and be disappointed,” You look into your lap and play with your nails, as you whisper and lightly chuckle at yourself as you continue, “stupid I know.”
“Yeah pretty stupid babes,” she chuckles as she grabs your hands and makes you look at her one more time, “please, don’t ever do that again. I love you too much to lose you, you’re like a sister to me and -“ she starts to cry but looks up to the ceiling to stop herself, “okay, no more tears. I just love you and I’m glad you’re awake!” You hug her tightly once more as you repeat the same three words, I love you. “Okay love, I’m making Tommy bring me home because I need to shower. As you can see, I’m a hot mess!” You two laugh, actually belly laugh, at the mess on her face.
Tommy hugs you tightly as Rita stands up and she turns to Joel and hugs him and says something to make Joel shake his head up and down. “I love you and I’m glad you’re safe, please don’t hesitate to call me or Maria if you need anything. And I mean anything.” Tommy reassures you, you smile and thank him as he and Rita disappear from the room.
Just you and Joel are left with the machines. You turn to look at him, he’s sitting in the chair directly next to you, it’s the first time you’ve actually looked at him since the fight. He looks terrible. The bags he has under his eyes are dark, his eyes bloodshot from crying, hair is an absolute mess, and he just has this sad look on his face. You’re at a loss for words, you really are lost right now.
“I-i- '' is all you stammer out before you’re sobbing again, Joel climbs into the hospital bed next to you and holds you while you cry into his chest. He starts to shush you to try to calm you down even just a little bit. The feeling of his heartbeat and breathing is so strong and fast, you realize just how much this man loves you. “You’re okay darlin’, you’re safe, you made it out alive.” He says into your hair, you can feel his lips start to tremble as he kisses the top of your head.
You hear Joel sniff, picking your head up to look into his beautiful eyes and you say, “I’m so sorry. I overreacted the other night, there was no reason for me to act like that.” Joel nods his head and responds, “I’m sorry that I scared you so much that you had to hit me. I had no right to corner you like that. I love you, darlin’.”
Your eyes drift from his to his lips, and back up again, Joel smiles and he raises his hands to rest on your face, rubs his thumb across your cheek and kisses you gently. Your whole body melts to his touch, you missed him, and you wish you hadn’t done any of the things you did. Tears sting your cheeks from how happy you are for him to be back in your grasp. You softly pull away from him and he swipes away your hot tears as he looks at you with sad eyes.
“But baby, what happened tonight?” He lets out with a sigh, you can’t help but see him breaking apart at the seams. You both sit up and face each other, the best you can in the small bed, you collect yourself as much as possible and you try to explain yourself.
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[GenMui week day 5: After the war]
Dear Nemi,
How are you? I hope that wherever you are right now, you are the happiest you could ever be. I'm sorry that we didn't have more time to spend together but I'm glad that even life was cruel, it gave us one last chance to be together before death took me.
But I won't talk about that today. Nemi, I have news for you.
Uhm, guess what, I got married today. Surprising, right? Hehe. What if I told you that I married the former Mist Hashira? Oh, I could totally hear you screaming bloody murder right now but it's true.
If somebody would tell me years ago that I will end up falling in love with the kid Hashira, and a boy at that, I would rather believe that the boar-masked weirdo is a genius. But I guess trivial things don't matter here anymore. Mui, I mean Muichiro, (that's what he wanted me to call him, okay?) had been there for me since day one. I thought that he would disappear forever but then fate threw him right back at me.
And then one day, he told me, "Genya, did you know that you could wish for anything here?" I wished that you and Mother were here with us Nemi, but Mui said, "In due time." and I guess he was right, so together, we wished for the next best thing, a home in a paradise we could call our own. A world we would also share with Mui's family. We thought of a big home, an abundance of trees and the sea and the sky.
It is beautiful and forever, Nemi.
Oh, you're curious how Mui and I fell in love with each other? *That is a story for another time.
But hmm, let's just say there were denials, tons of sibling teasing, an angry twin brother (shocking) and the realization that we were meant to be together. To become something more.
Life didn't give us the chance so death did.
Nemi, I am now married and Mui is right here in my arms as we watch the endless blue sea before us. Everyday he tells me how much he loves me and I make him the damn happiest ever. Children? We couldn't on our own but our siblings and his older twin brother are difficult enough for us to handle. Haha.
And from this moment on, everyday, I will wake up to my lovely husband, the golden sunrise will bathe his gentle sleeping face, the birds will sing us their morning songs and the trees will keep rustling in the wind to remind me of you. Then we, me, Mui my love, our siblings, Mui's family, would all run to the sea to greet the waves.
Dear Nemi, the memory of living in a rough neighborhood in a household filled with rage and abuse is long gone. As of speaking to you right now, we are all lazing together, laughing together. My rough, ugly scarred hand entwined with Mui's calloused battleworn one and he couldn't be more beautiful under the afternoon sun.
'I love you.' He says to me, I whisper it back to him.
Nemi, my dear brother, we are finally free.
"What do you mean, you want me there too, you jackass! And marrying Tokitou, really, Genya?!"
Few heads turn to the three men settled on a bench outside of a Dango shop. Rather, two men were busy grazing on snacks and one is peacefully dozing off on a separate bench beside them. Until an ear-splitting yell made everyone in the vicinity jump in surprise.
Giyuu Tomioka tries to shake the white-haired man awake and when he couldn't, Tengen Uzui opted to kick the poor wooden seat he was lying on. "Oi, Shinazugawa, are you sleep talking? Hahaha!"
Sanemi groans and slowly sits up, fingers rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. "More like a fucking nightmare. My brother got hitched to Tokitou." Uzui starts laughing hysterically and in confusion, bites his tea cup then attempts to drink his dango.
"Are you okay?" Giyuu asks in a low voice, only audible to Sanemi. Although he had formed a friendship with Giyuu and Uzui, it was only the former who knew about the dreams he had of Genya.
The dream he just had, were different from all others. Because somehow, it felt real. It felt as if it was Genya's soul talking to him.
Genya, living in some paradise with the people he love...Genya, living the life that Sanemi had dreamed for him, even if his partner was Tokitou, even if his children were their siblings....
Relief rushes within him. A lump forms in his throat and his light purple eyes start glimmering against the high noon sun..
"Tomioka, come help me pay at the register, I don't know how to money.." Maybe they have underestimated Uzui's way of understanding things. He and Giyuu wordlessly get up.
The moment they were gone, tears start cascading down the former Hashira's scarred face. Sanemi savors the feeling.
And only heard by the Wind, he joyfully sobs, "Congratulations, you morons."
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We Always Burn
Summary: Rhaenyra Targaryen is sure she knows what she wants until it comes crashing down after an encounter on the beach of Driftmark
AO3 Link
Pairing: Alicent Hightower x Rhaenyra Targaryen (main pairing), Daemon Targaryen x Rhaenyra Targaryen
Warning (please read): Implied grooming, mild smut, disassociation during sex, some language, toxic relationships, violence, manipulation, obsession, Targaryen ideology critical, not Daemon Targaryen friendly
Words: 1703
A/N: None of the relationships depicted in this are supposed to be seen as good or healthy; this is mostly meant to be a character study
They were meant to burn together. That was the way of dragons. It was what she was told all her life. Dragons were fierce creatures with a fire that burned within each one of them. They could not be tied to anything else. They craved that fire, they needed that fire. They would only be satisfied with that fire. That was what she was taught.
Daemon had that fire inside of him. He was rogue in every sense of the word. He took what he wanted and feared neither man nor dragon. She was drawn to his fire since she was young. It made sense, after all, dragons were lured to flame.
Rhaenyra laid back on the blanket sprawled on the sand. She removed the rest of her clothing in anticipation. Above her Daemon hovered. She moved quickly and met his lips in a fiery kiss before he pulled away. She gripped the blanket while staring up above. Her fingers flew to his long white hair to remind herself this was real. It was finally happening. The moment she had dreamed of.
Daemon spread her legs open and adjusted him in front of her. Rhaenyra bit her lip. In a hasty motion, he moved inside. He pulled out before pushing in again.
Rhaenyra swallowed. She held onto him and tried to kiss him, but he was too focused on what he was doing. She smiles thinly.
This was what she wanted. What she had dreamed of since she was young. Just her and Daemon. She wanted to make love to him.
She touched his hair. It was real. This was happening. Yet, it wasn’t like she had thought it would be.
She tried to move her hips, but Daemon’s hands kept her legs down. She ran her fingers on his back, attempting to feel him, feel anything. He didn’t respond to her affection. Rhaenyra was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Every thrust moved hastily but she couldn't feel any pleasure.
Her lip quivered. She glanced down at Daemon. He was too enthralled, chasing his own pleasure to notice her lack thereof. He grunted under his breath. Rhaenyra should have been happy that he would get such pleasure from her, from her body.
She stared up above at the dark sky of Driftmark. The stars were out, and they were beautiful. Rhaenyra kept her eyes on them as she pretended to arch her back and let out small moans. Would that please Daemon? Would it please her?
She didn't know. She just stared at the sky as her mind became numb.
Rhaenyra blinked her eyes open. She saw the night sky looming over her, its beautiful stars shining in contrast. The sound of waves crashing against the shore was close by. The smell of sea salt reminded her she was still on the beach. Slowly, she sat up. The princess looked around. Her dress was poorly undone and hung off her shoulders. She touched the back of her head, her carefully done braid had come loose. She pulled her dress back up and let down her hair, there was no fixing it now. Then Rhaenyra realized she didn’t find any of Daemon’s clothing.
He was gone. He had left her, once again.
Rhaenyra put on her shoes and walked out of the wrecked boat they had decided to go to. She trudged through the sand, her eyes wavering over the dark landscape. No other person in sight. He really was gone.
Rhaenyra truly had no idea what happened when she was summoned into the main hall in High Tide. Lord Corlys and Rhaenys were already there hugging Baela and Rhaena. Her eyes searched and found her sons. She ran to their side where Luke had a bloody nose and Jace was bleeding from his head. From where she stood, Rhaenyra saw Aemond sitting with a maester sewing his eye shut.
Shit.
“What happened?” She asked.
It was a mistake to ask out loud. The children began screaming at each other, throwing insults from across the room. Rhaenyra felt her head pounding from the high-pitched shrieks. During this outburst, the door from outside the castle opened, and in walked her uncle.
Rhaenyra looked at him. He was leaning against a column, his entire body at ease with his arms crossed in front of his chest. An amused smile on his face as he watched the scene before him. He didn’t look over at her, she thought bitterly. He didn’t seem concerned at all.
Then a voice broke through. It was her father. Rhaenyra held her head up; he would take care of this situation. Ultimately there was back and forth but her father defended her and her children from the accusations. She breathed a sigh of relief.
Her eyes returned to Daemon. He had yet to acknowledge her. Rhaenyra didn’t understand. She had loved him since she was a child. He had adorned her with gifts and praises. He spoke High Valyrian with her, it was their mother tongue and yet he only shared it with her. He called her the most beautiful woman in the realm. He was so passionate with her that night in the brothel. They had kissed and touched each other in ways that only husband and wife should. He had loved her like a woman grown. He told her they were meant to burn together.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Where was that passion now? Where was that fire within him?
Then a strained voice broke through. “Aemond has lost an eye. Goodwill is not enough.”
Rhaenyra looked up and saw Alicent shaking where she stood. Her brown eyes bared into her father.
“Alicent there has been enough suffering today.”
“Aemond more than anyone has suffered, there needs to be justice”, her voice edged on anger.
Rhaenyra raised her brows.
“Alicent, that is enough,” her father said.
Her former friend narrowed her eyes at him. “Viserys, he is your son. Your blood. He is without an eye because of the boy.”
Again, anger was beginning to seep through. Rhaenyra watched in fascination. There was a fire there, deep inside Alicent. She wanted to see more.
Rhaenyra raised her head high. “As we already established, my son was acting in self-defense.”
Alicent glared at her. “By bringing a blade, he showed he had other intentions.”
Rhaenyra hid a smirk. She had her now, she wanted to see how far she could push.
“He should have never called my sons such a deplorable word. It is treason to have questioned their birth. Had it been anyone else the punishment would have been far worse.” Rhaenyra paused savoring the rage in Alicent’s eyes. Then she allowed her lip to quirk up. “He is lucky his eye was the only thing taken.”
Alicent stilled for a moment. Her eyes dulled over. Rhaenyra feared that she had broken her. She never wanted her broken. Her thoughts disappeared when the sound of a blade was drawn.
“Alicent!” Her father yelled.
Alicent rushed toward her with the conquer’s blade. Screaming and chaos ensued. Rhaenyra grabbed Alicent by the wrist and kept a hand on her shoulder, maintaining a distance between the end of the dagger. Alicent grunted trying to bury the dagger into her skin, fury dancing in her eyes.
Rhaenyra was fighting to hide the ecstasy she felt at having gotten a reaction.
“I have done everything that has been expected of me. I have tried to hold together the kingdom, the family, and the law. Yet you seem to be bent to trampling it all! You have taken my son’s eye and declared that it was fair!”
Rhaenyra struggled against Alicent. The blade was inching closer, but she had never felt more alive.
“It was that or his life,” Rhaenyra stated. She decided to cut deeper. “This was a mercy.”
Alicent grit her teeth and attempted to slash her face. The same place where Aemond lost his eye. Rhaenyra stared in awe. The same fire she craved was there before her. Alicent had the fire of a dragon. How had she not seen it before? How could she have let her escape? Everything she looked for was right under her nose, she was foolish for not seeing it before.
Alicent suddenly managed to break out of her grasp. The blade came down, but Rhaenyra moved out of the way. The princess backed away, her children and good parents surrounded her. She felt a stinging sensation on her wrist. Rhaenyra looked down as blood trickled down her hand.
A beat of silence passed as everyone stared in shock.
Rhaenyra only watched Alicent’s reaction. The queen seemed horrified by her actions. Her grip on the blade tightened so much so that the tip of her finger pricked the sharp edge. She dropped the dagger on the floor. A deafening clang sounded. The Valyrian steel fell. Blood stained the tip. It was her blood. Close to the handle, Rhaenyra noticed another dash of red. It was Alicent’s. The pool of red mixed.
The following morning Rhaenyra stood in the courtyard of Driftmark. The wind brushed against her black fur coat. Sea salt hung in the air. A ship trudged forward to King’s Landing. Three distinct roars came from the sky. The dragons set off flying above the ship. Sunfyre and Dreamfyre led with Vhagar, their newest addition, flying behind.
Rhaenyra focused on the boat. Alicent was inside. She would arrive back home before the day was done. Rhaenyra smirked. The idea that Alicent believed she could run from her was almost laughable. Her fingers caressed the bandages around her wrist.
She thought of the way they were cut by the same Valyrian steel, how their blood mixed together. And all were present to see. Her ancestors once married in such a manner. Once they did, they were tied together in every way possible. Heart, mind, body, and soul. Rhaenyra had seen that fire within Alicent and would be damned if she was ever going to let her slip away now.
They were meant to burn together. That was the way of dragons. That was what she was taught. She would never stop until she had that fire.
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Just What I Needed. (3.5)
(Mike Schmidt X F! Reader)
Warnings: Child abuse (verbal, physical)
Chapters: 1, 1.5, 2, 2.5, 3, 3.5, 4, 4.5, 5
(Y/N)’s brother, Michael, had once again tried to bully her away from bothering him and his older friends. He had pushed her down onto the dirt when she tried to wean her way into their conversations that seemed so fun and adult to her at the time.
“Why can’t I stay? I want to hang out with you guys.” She stood firmly, crossing her small arms tightly around her chest in defiance.
“Go, (Y/N). We don’t want to play with you,” Michael yelled when her bottom had hit the dirt. “All you do is ruin the fun. Go inside with Evan, or something.”
“I’m telling on you, Michael, I’m telling mom!” She scrambled herself to a standing position and turned to run into the house. Her feet hit the sidewalk furiously outside of her home.
“Fine,” she heard him call after her, “I don’t care, you little snitch.” he turned back to his friends, giving his eyes a sharp roll as he mumbled softly about how he hated little kids.
Shoving the front door open, she saw her mother laying on the couch, asleep as she held her lit cigarette lazily between her fingers. The small TV set in the living room blared.
“Mom–?” She tried to speak over the loud television, but her mother barely stirred. She walked over to the set and cut the volume with the nob. She turned back and noticed how dirty the room had become. A slowly growing pile of dishes had accumulated over the last few days, as well as her mother’s full ashtray, sitting right at the edge of the end table.
She walked up to the couch and placed her hand on her mother’s arm, shaking her awake. She continued to shake her until her hand nudged the ashtray and knocked it to the ground. The shattering sound finally woke her up, her head snapping over to the crash site.
Her mother darted her eyes back to (Y/N)’s face in anger, practically boring into her. She snatched the girl’s wrist, holding it tightly, and spoke lowly at her, “What do you want from me?”
She stammered for a second, feeling a nausea build up in her stomach at her mother’s tone. “Uhm– Michael, he– he was–”
“He what, damn it? What?” She threw the girl’s wrist down, waiting for her answer impatiently.
“He was being mean to me, he said I couldn’t play with him,” (Y/N) said, tears pricking her eyes.
“So what?” Her mother sounded exasperated. Taking a short drag from her cigarette, she leaned back on the couch and sighed. “You’re just as bad as Evan. You both need to toughen up, it’s not my job to solve your problems.”
(Y/N) stood still for a moment, squeezing her fists together. Her mother took her seriously, and she was tired of it.
“It’s not fair.”
“What did you say?”
“I said it’s not fair,” she repeated, standing up straighter.
“Yeah? So what? Life isn’t fair, (Y/N). You don’t like how your brother treats you? Go do something about it then. I’m not your little bodyguard.”
“I can’t stop him, he’s older than me.”
“Go complain to your father then, he’ll deal with him for you.”
“Dad’s at work, why can’t you help me?” She saw her mother roll her eyes at her, just like Michael had earlier. She felt completely shut off by both of them, and she couldn’t control what started coming out of her mouth. “Why do you like him more than me? Why?”
Her mouth coughed up the smoke from the drag she had taken, her hand coming up to her chest to help her clear her chest. She stared daggers at (Y/N) again. “Maybe I like him more because he doesn't bother me for bullshit like this. Get out of my face, go to your room.”
“I hate you! You’re the worst mom ever,” she said. She knew she sounded childish, but she couldn’t find it in herself to say anything else. (Y/N) felt herself being snatched again, this time by her upper arm. Crescent marks from her mom’s nails dug into the flesh tightly.
“Listen to me, you spoiled shit,” her mother whispered, “I do too much for you. I don’t know why your father keeps spoiling you, but it’s turning you into a real brat. I’ll have no part in it, and you will not speak to me like that ever.”
She was then pushed down to her bottom again, her butt roughly hitting the plush carpet. She pushed herself up and ran up the stairs to her bedroom, stomping loudly.
“Don’t come out of there until he comes home from work!”
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