#Quantum Deep Cows

[doingthedirtydishes]

WARNING: A Drive-Through-Guru is coming to a Facebook post near you.

Have you seen their work firsthand, perhaps you know one, or have even spent time in the presence of such a peculiar angelic being?  Like as not, I have met my fair share of Drive-Through-Guru douches and the nouveau-riche halfwits who keep them employed. There are an endless amount of various type coaches or guides online who, as the twisted sadistic irony plays itself out, themselves are in drastic need of coaching; let alone being in a place in life that has deemed their experience reverent and advice worthy.  Facebook, the wet-dream of self-medicating narcissists and Instagram, where anyone can be a model, are filled to the brim with untold numbers of these lost souls. It is case in point: the blind leading the blind – in between their never-ending self-fulfilling prophecies, that is when they are not leading their heard to eternal happiness, love and financial successes.  This person will sell you whatever is the hottest trendiest social ‘busy you’ cash cow they can wrap their little greedy and undeserving sausage fingers around. 

First, a person who calls themselves a guru cannot be one, strictly by its definition alone. That should be the first red flag you are dealing with the crème-de-la-crème of Internet graduated ass-waffle. The titles never-ending, creative too: Life Sensei, Wellness Warrior, Spiritual Guide. There is a title for everything. To the person who wants to be my life coach – what have you done so great in yours to prove to me I should accept your wise and sage guidance?  What “hats” in life have you worn and mastered? What is your level of understanding of human psychology? How well versed are you on matters of metaphysical nature? How high an education on quantum physics do you possess? You can make my business more successful too? Really? Aside from being total baseless claims of complete bullshit, I welcome these same ‘successful folk’ to be open and willing in sharing their W2 or tax returns for the past three years. Prove your worth, Bucko.  Otherwise please take your overly inflated ego and dreams of castles in the desert sky and go pound sand. 

Furthermore, beware the one who can easily and happily sell you whatever you are looking for that day; as he was probably an expert on another big niche self-help craze that sold well in the past – such as how to have happy and loving relationships, all the while his short lived ‘oh so loving’ perfect relationship was a disaster that recently flamed out after one too-hot-to-handle year of magical union. As with love, he also views happiness as an object, a commodity if you will, able to be bought and sold. What he fails to realize is that love and happiness are not objects, they are each a process. Each requires you match your words with your actions; neither can be purchased.  He was probably a ‘best-selling’ author in the past too, for all of two long weeks until his efforts fizzled out and his attention moved onto the next in vogue social change-yourself ‘this week’ trend – also guaranteed short lived.  Whatever is the most popular societal self-help issue du jour, they are on it, like white on rice. People, do your homework, there is no easy way to happiness, love or financial success. And it certainly cannot be marketed and sold to you: save your money, look within, it is free.

The answers are free to you. They lie deep within your inner being.  Most people are not interested in ‘Doing the Dirty Dishes’ of life, they would rather opt for a silver-bullet solution, later becoming even less satisfied. The journey is not easy, it requires going to the deep and terrifying annals of your soul.  If you have never been lost and confused in this strange world, plumbed the blood-curdling depths of your inner most existence, explored the frightening and spine-chilling parts within your being, faced your hair-raising fears head-on, done your ‘work’ in life, slain your dragon(s), as a result, no amount of Law of Attraction is going to assist you. It is similar to what I wrote in my book, Unbreakable Mind, in a chapter on diet and nutrition: If your cells are not healthy to begin with, no amount of vitamins or supplements will substitute a healthy diet; the unhealthy cells are not in a position to receive healthy supplements and so, as a direct result, one ends up with very expensive pee instead.  If you are not spiritually prepared and ready to receive the lessons of the universe, they will not come. Other lessons will arrive however, soon enough; and usually the hard way – exit stage left.

Life is lived and experienced by knowing and being aware of all its boundless possibilities, even within one’s own made-up reality. One cannot know light until one has experienced darkness; equally one cannot know happiness unless one has experienced sadness.  Otherwise we would have nothing to compare and contrast; one does not come first without the other; they inextricably exist and are married in eternal duality – what we refer to as ying-yang, life. The same lesson goes that in order to know happiness in your life one must also know sadness and suffering.  So, if you are only being sold one half the equation to the solution, you are being robbed blind.  In my book I state that in life we all have our own agenda, but do not forget life also has its own agenda. Want to take any bets on whose wins? Life’s does, always; it never fails.  It is only our perspective and reaction that determine the outcome – that hold considerable sway and help determine our level of happiness in this world as well.  These are deep and spiritual matters of the soul, not superficial and shallow echoes of the social media guru of the week.  A wolf in sheep’s clothing? Better he is left to his ways au natural.

The Guru is most apt spending more time in front of the mirror primping and preening, wrapped up in himself, Inc., the perfect social media photograph forever eluding him, than attempting a teacher.  Most of what he tells you can be gleamed from a few hours in the self-help section of your local corner bookstore. He knows not of the masters or their teachings. He is lucky to have read the only a small number of scratch-the-surface books, rarely delving into any original thought or text, and certainly not language. He does not tell you the whole story, both sides of the equation; he cannot, he is incapable. He does not know that of which he tells you, nor has he lived any of it. To him it is all wrapped in theory only; he is a master of talking the talk. Otherwise if practical, he would understand he has no answers. He most likely does not even know where to find the answers he himself is searching for out of life; he is too busy falsely proselytizing them to you. The critical important part they do not inform you on, since they are unaware through all their craft-brew filled sophomoric philosophizing, is that one can only find light the result of traveling through utter darkness. True intellect and intelligence must be bestowed upon us from a higher power. No amount of Guru-Juice or learned theoretical book knowledge will get you there quicker – it is a dark and lonely road that must be traveled alone, only by you.

Some of these ass-clowns are the same ones who will preach to you the value of the Law of Attraction. Yet they do not understand it. They make it sound like some fast food order drive-through of the universe. Yes, hello, I would like an order of a mass produced cookie-cutter McMansion in a suburb, throw in a high paying job, a beautiful bride, a perfect boy and girl and a side of happiness, while you’re in a giving mood. These same fools think that prayer or meditation works the same way.  They think that prayer is a wish list of things you desire in life. As if God already doesn’t know what you want in life. It is only when we have gratitude and thanks for what we currently have in our lives that we are prepared to receive more from the universe.  The Law of Attraction has two parts, but these “spiritual masters” only tell you one side of the story: they sell you on the light, never filling you in or instructing you into and through the dark inner work required to come to true happiness.  Your greatest prayer each day is why you are thankful.  These absolute asses are too busy teaching you their ‘successful’ ways that mean nothing and will get you nowhere – when all you need to do is take the time to look inside.  All answers lie within. 

The Guru who always wants you to Private Message (PM) him or her is also thought to be suspect.  These same type 15 minute rodeo yahoos would also always rather send you a voice recorded message or reply – it keeps them from having to give ‘actual’ or ‘real’ answers that could really guide or aid you, never being tied to the written word.  They are modern day social media snake oil salesmen.  Life coaches with certifications are not as bad on whole, though most are akin to those who enter into the field of study of Psychology – they are trying to solve their own deep inner personal concerns and questions – and definitely are not in any place to be giving out advice or guiding others in life. One can always attend a pay-to-play graduate school like University of Pennsylvania, continually pumping out unqualified consultants, many misguided and unfulfilled, resorting to ABC (insert fancy title) Coach. In fact, many are probably in need of seeing their own therapist or guide in life. Rest assured, either way, come hell or high water, when the next hot ‘sliced-bread’ item comes down the infinite toll road of people’s insatiable appetite for innermost self-betterment, through any means possible one can be hoodwinked, he will be ecstatic to control the click-whirl intimate toll booth reward circuit, smiling all the way to the bank.  You have been forewarned.  Buyer beware! 

You might as well go flush money down the toilet because otherwise these modern day online Bonnie and Clyde fraudsters will continue to take your hard earned money with a perfectly orchestrated and polished smile, while they play off of your insecurities to their ultimate financial benefit. Some of them even have weekend retreats or even go so far as to schedule foreign trips. I would be willing to bet most participants initially walk away happy. But ask those same people in six months what has changed in their lives and be prepared for many blank stares. It is back to business as usual.  There was no real or actualized change that occurred outside the warm-and-fuzzy feelings they all had when manipulated for a weekend away at a tranquil spiritual destination, ignorantly anonymous and blind, drinking the cool-aid with contented delight.  They paid for that part but did not receive instruction how to continue the lessons in actual everyday life because the teacher was either unaware the importance of this, the process of how change actually occurs in a person through daily habit, or was not qualified and/or competent to train you on such.  Refund! 

The newly discovered ‘spiritual rich’ who buy themselves up the Buddha Ladder are guilty just the same.  Somehow they think that because they now have financial success that affords them the time and right to seek out the best spiritual guides that money can buy. Although this same person also thinks he with the most toys accumulated wins the race, it is no surprise spirituality is the greatest atrocious omission from his list of life’s personal goals. This person is the same void of a being as before, now with money – money that has only bought him further disquiet.  Spirituality should be atop his or her wish list, yet it is relegated to another trophy for the oak mantle. What new part of life can we objectify and control this week?! The head monks at the monasteries understand the unspoken relationship; they also understand their monks have to eat. The ignorance of one brings light to many – a fair deal according to the monks. So the pay-to-pray patronage relationship that has greatly benefited them in the past, often financial, continues to assist struggling monasteries and their causes unabated today.  In the end, these wealthy ass-hats only find themselves higher up the proverbial spiritual mountain, with lighter pockets. Confucius say: Never get too high up mountain, no one hear you scream.

The Dali Lama has been quoted as saying: There are eight billion people in this world; there are eight billions realities in this world. Recently on Facebook I saw a post on why this one particular Guru was unlike all others.  Most witty people would have stopped at the first line but rest assured, many not only read on further but also believed this hot-air-filled idiot. He went on to pontificate his experience with ancient cultures and shamans. He had spent 1000s of hours with shamans though I am unsure he could define one or its role in society. He had also notched in his fine Italian leather belt 10,000 hours of laser focused meditation.  And? That means exactly what to me? It tells me you are wrapped up within your own narcissistic mind, concerned with meaningless numbers and your boundless self-inflating ego; that you have no real understanding of love, any matters of the heart or even a shred of comprehension on human consciousness or psychology. It only reinforces and makes clear to all reading this blog, the only thing any amount of personal hours has ever done to benefit you was to make your last Facebook profile selfie look like it belongs on the cover of GQ.  Perhaps your greatest egoic attributes and abilities could best be utilized, no doubt improving humanity in untold ways, by retiring as a douche Guru extraordinaire and morphing into an international social media model-phenom. I hear Instagram is hiring.   

Travel Blog: Click here.

Spiritual Blog: Click here.

Book: Unbreakable Mind. (Print, Kindle, Audio)

Doing The Dirty Dishes Podcast: Watch or listen to episodes and subscribe: Spotify, Apple Podcast, Buzzsprout.  Also available on Google Podcast, iHeart, Tunein, Amazon Alexa and Stitcher. 

Doing The Dirty Dishes YouTube channel – watch and subscribe.

Social Media links: Twitter, Instagram and Linkedin.

Travel Blog links: Covid-19 stranded in NYC JFK and Maine – also travel stories on Ireland, Spain, Sweden,  Belgium, Iceland, Colombia (Espanol version), Amsterdam, Germany, New Hampshire, TN and NYC.

Personal Website link where you can also find my book, photos of my travels and updates on current projects.  

Thank you for your love and support.

#steven quigley writer #steven quigley blogger #steven quigley #stevenquigleyauthor #stevenquigley #doingthedirtydishes.com #doingthedirtydishesspiritual #doingthedirtydishestravel #doingthedirtydishespodcast #doingthedirtydishes #unbreakable mind #unbreakable mind book #unbreakablemindbook #unbreakablemind

[nosferussy]

The Hyrule Warriors character roster as things overheard at school (DLC Edition)

Young Link: “Disappearing into the Canadian wilderness seems more and more appealing everyday.”

Twili Midna: “The venn diagram of quantum physics and the depths of the dark world is a circle.”

Ganon: “Armageddon is about to pop off.”

Tingle: “Neat beans, I’m about to make a bad decision!”

Linkle: “THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT RARE BREEDS OF BRITISH LIVESTOCK!” “That’s homophobic!” “I hate this.”

Cucco: “I want to see every person who thinks farm labor is unskilled to fight a rooster and then come back to see me.”

Skull Kid: “This is about to make me have my joker moment.”

Toon Link: “Then why are eggs in the dairy section? Cus they come from a cow.”

Tetra: “I want to say that I hope everyone just has fun, but I really want to see you all cause deep emotional damage to each other.”

Medli: “Did you know that you have value?” *entire class unanimously* NO

King Daphnes: “I TRY SO HARD to be apart of this family, but all you can do is YELL THAT I'M NOT YOUR REAL DAD!”

Toon Zelda: “I mean this in the nicest way possible but you look like a Victorian child.”

Ravio: “Roger needs $50 to not get beat up…”

Marin: “I just want to shake them sometimes.” (referring to children)

Yuga: “My dad almost got into a fight in a Wawa parking lot with a homeless guy over that last week.” “That sounds like a Norman Rockwell painting.”

#the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #zelda #hyrule warriors

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Chimerical

Chimerical’s stories aren’t at Gossamer, but you can now find them at AO3. If you have not read them, are you in for a treat! For instance, Regular People and Regular People Still are some of the X-Files fics I have read and re-read. You may also know Chimerical from her site Chimerical Publications, which was an extensive Mulder and David Duchovny fansite. Big thanks to Chimerical for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I’m not surprised at all that X-Files fandom is still popular, it was an amazing, creative show with iconic characters. Aside from just being entertaining, like all good Sci-Fi it asked deep, profound questions about the nature of relationships and humanity. It’s these things that people remember more than the MOWs.

However, I’m surprised to hear that my stories are still read, mostly because there is always something new, someone has a new take, and of course, we have the more recent episodes which provides all new fodder for writers, which is wonderful. But it’s super nice to hear that stories from the classic show still mean something. Also, I wasn’t a prolific writer, there are only 12 stories, but perhaps they struck a chord and people like to revisit them the way you like to re-watch a favorite episode or movie.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Fanfic is certainly not new, but The X-Files was absolutely at the right place, at the right time. The internet was just really taking off, and it enabled fans to connect instantly in ways that hadn’t before. I remember that Fox used to send out Cease & Desist letters in an ill-considered attempt to stem fanfic because the Suits just didn’t understand what it was. Nowadays, of course, they embrace much of it, encourage it, even. Supernatural wrote whole episodes about it. But in the early days they were really stupid about it.

But what I took away from it was that great community can exist with people you have never met in person. There is a great sharing of ideas and love of great characters.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

It’s true, no Facebook, twitter, tiktok – it seems strange!

But I connected to fandom though the old Usenet message boards, you couldn’t wait until the episode was over until you could leap on and start discussing the episode. And it was painful if you were on the west coast as I was because you would get spoiled. In truth, it wasn’t must different than Twitter, just without the character limitation. But it was rather the wild, wild, west, no moderators and no terms of service. It could be a free-for-all, and some of the disagreements were legendary! For writing, certainly ATXC was the big dog for fic, and of course alt.tv.x-files for discussion. There were many different Yahoo Groups and AOL mailing lists, that catered to interests in fanfic (Friendship/Adult/Slash) or to the characters and/or actors.

But frankly, the main thing I remember was what a complete PITA it was to just get anything posted. There were all these size limitations and ASCII issues that don’t exist today, you had font and formatting limitations, which cause people to get weirdly creative with italics, bolding, quotes and so on. And you had to break your story up in weird way simply to jam it into the email because there were size limitations. And it never failed that no matter how many Beta Reads you had, you didn’t see that last damn typo until AFTER you hit the send button. There was no edit button, all you could do resend the whole damn thing. It was the fanfic version of the 20 mile walk to school through the snow……Kids today have it so easy!  LOL….

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Actors are, and always will be, the face of the show. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are amazing actors, and the nuance they brought each week was a wonder.

But one of the things that the X-Files also did was make people aware of the people behind the scenes, the showrunners, the writers, the directors. This was also something new. For most TV dramas, most people couldn’t tell you who wrote an episode if you had a gun to their head.

But people knew the writers like Vince Gilligan, James Wong, Darin Morgan, and of course Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz. And they knew the directors, Rob, Chris and the late great, Kim Manners.. It was like a repertory company. You could count on Morgan & Wong for the creepy, you could count of Vince Gilligan for the humor and relationship stuff, you could count on Darin Morgan for the “what the hell was that, but I loved it.”

So I guess what I took away was a deep appreciation for the craft, for the work. This carried over to other fandoms. I’m more aware of the creative team beyond the actors.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Believe it not, I didn’t watch at the beginning. I’ve always been a Sci-Fi fan but for some reason this wasn’t on my radar. I came in about the middle of Season 1. I was channel surfing and stopped the X-Files, it was the episode “Ice.”  I won’t lie, I stopped because I saw David Duchovny in a henley and I’m never one to pass by an attractive man. But as I watched, I became intrigued by these two characters, and their conflicted relationship with each other, even though I didn’t really know what was really going on. But I had to know more. That’s good writing, where you can walk in half-way through an episode and be captured.

I immediately checked out the old AOL Service forums and found a group. Of course, back then, there was no streaming, there was no BitTorrent. So, you just had to wait until when and if the network decided to show a repeat, which meant you were screwed if you were trying to catch up. But someone on one of the boards offered to send me VHS tapes of the episodes of missed. That’s fandom as its best - I’m excited about this and I want to share it with you. So in about a week I was caught up and hooked. I had to see how these two people’s story turned out.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I’ve always written as a hobby, taken many writing classes, have always written short stories, worked on a novel or two. I’ve got friends who are writers by profession. But the closest I ever came to doing it professionally was co-writing a play that ran for a month off Broadway many years ago, so I’m a dabbler, at best. I’m a big reader, and good stories always make me think, “well, what if this happened….”

So, X-Files wasn’t my first fanfic rodeo. I had been involved in Quantum Leap fandom and Beauty and the Beast, some Star Trek. Once I good hooked on the show, I immediately began searching out fanfic. But it took me a long time before I wrote anything. I’m not sure why, perhaps I was waiting to see where the story went. But X-Files was different in that it blended one of my favorite genres with a truly compelling relationship story. And I don’t just mean romance, it was a melding of two entirely different ways of looking at the world that was captivating. Scully was so strong and Mulder so complex, how could you not love them.

So, I enjoy writing, I learn from it. I learn from the feedback, both good and bad. I’ve never understood fanfic writers who say “just sent me nice feedback.”  No one loves criticism, and not all criticism is valid. But you learn from it. I’ve had people tell me they hadn’t looked at an episode from that point of view and they like it - and I’ve had people tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, everyone knew that Scully would never cuss (to which I say, please, she grew up on military bases!)  But it helps you improve.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

It was a period of my life I cherish because I met some friends who are still my friends to this day, all these years later because we found other things in common besides a show. It was great to share ideas and debate storylines. And it was a fun, creative, and exciting time. Each episode was must-see and then talking to my friends about it later was the best part.

I started to drift away when David Duchovny left the show. I thought then, and still think, they should have called it a day because the beating heart of that show was Mulder and Scully together. You can’t rip out half the heart and expect the patient to live. On an intellectual level, I got why Duchovny left, I got why Anderson stayed and I got that Fox was a fledging network back then and XF was a cash cow. But on an emotional level, it all turned upside down, especially when the much-promised “search for Mulder” never really happened.

Fans got angry. They were angry at David for leaving, they were angry at Gillian for staying, and they were angry at poor Robert Patrick, perfectly decent person, for merely existing. It got ugly and I got up caught up in that. Frankly, I was as much to blame as anyone in carrying on stupid arguments about crap that didn’t matter. And one day I just realized I’d let all the joy be sucked away, and this just wasn’t who I wanted to be, or how I wanted to spend my time. So, I took a break, I still watched the show as it limped on, but I disconnected from the fandom part of it. And by the time I’d had my break, the show was done!

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I’m always a fan. There are many shows I’ve followed and liked, Supernatural, Fringe, Walking Dead, but I don’t get involved in the internet drama. So, I don’t get as invested.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I assume you mean besides Mulder and Scully!  In literature, My favorite writer is John Steinbeck and every character he created was indelible and singular. East of Eden is my favorite book and the characters of Adam & Caleb Trask, as well as Cathy Ames are so well drawn.  Of Mice and Men, Cannery Row, they’re all perfect.  Another favorite book and character is Alexandre’s Demas, The Count of Monte Cristo.  The arc that Edmond Dantès’ life take is quite Mulder-esque.  And of course, Harry Potter, I’m a sucker for a character fighting against overwhelming odds.

On TV, Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap.  That was an amazingly well-crafted series, also featuring a female show runner, Deborah Pratt.  I love the character of Raymond Reddington on The Blacklist, there is something about a completely unapologetic bad guy. I would have once said Dean and Sam Winchester, but sadly that turned into a case of staying too long at the fair and I stopped watching a couple seasons ago - But the early seasons rocked. Literally every single character in M*A*S*H was golden, and they knew when to call it quits. Thomas Magnum from the original Magnum PI. (People my age will still remember the “Did you see the Sun Rise, Ivan” episode!)

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Oddly enough, a few weeks before you reached out to me, I watched the X-Files movie again. I remembered the incredible excitement when it came out. Fox did this tour across the county; it was like a mini-con. But I remember they had the trailer on a loop and my friends and I sat through it so many times we could recite the entire thing by heart. TV shows, such as Star Trek, had made the leap to movie, but I don’t believe a TV show had ever made the leap to films while the show was still on TV. But damn, it was good.

I watched the two recent XF mini-series. They did much to revive the old feeling, especially the episodes by Darin Morgan, who is a national treasure. And it was wonderful to see David, Gillian and Mitch. I’m sorry there won’t be more.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven’t in quite a while. Mostly because real life has interfered (work, personal stuff, Covid) over this last year and I have trouble concentrating. But I would certainly return to it, you need the escape of a good story.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Oh yes! But they were all from the time I was writing. Lydia Bower, DashaK, BlueSwirl, XFBandit, Paula Graves, Taverl, Prufrock’s Love, and dozens of other are still on my PC.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Like children, they each have their virtues but some may be harder to love than others. While I love a good smutty MSR, I was also a big fan of conflict resolution. So, I’m going to cheat and split the baby here. Based on feedback, I’d have to day my most popular story was Regular People and its sequel. And I really enjoyed writing that. It’s simple, it’s sweet, it’s what I hope for Mulder and Scully. The chance to just BE, if only for a while.

I wanted to try a slash story, so Wind River. That story was inspired by the murder of Matthew Shepard. I have dear friends in the gay community and I was so angry that this could happen in this country, so that one was about the need to treat people compassionately and who better to do that than Mulder and Scully.

But in truth, my own favorite is one that didn’t get much attention, called Rock Bottom. I wanted to explore that the fact Mulder and Scully, were, on occasion, just truly awful to each other and yet still reason to come back together.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I have a couple unfinished stories. There’s one from Quantum Leap, I want to finish first and when that’s done, I would like to finish the two X-Files that are half-baked.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do legal writing as a profession now, so I write all day long, but analyzing a case or a legal matter is not the same creatively and I do miss that, so I see returning someday, you need to feed your soul.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Well that’s all over the place, much like my mind! Often I was inspired by something I thought was unaddressed in the episodes. That’s where the Just One series came from. Or it’s a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern kind of thing -- That is, what’s happening off screen while the main action is going on. I find that intriguing, and that’s where Risking Everything came from. The incident in By Coincidence actually happened to a friend of a friend and I thought it would make good fodder. Pentimento came to me following a lecture I attended at a gallery, what happens when you peel back the layers you thought were true. You never know what’s going to connect.

What's the story behind your pen name?

“Chimerical” means existing  as the product of unchecked imagination, given to unrealistic flights of fantasy- which seemed right for a fiction writer, especially for XF. In the early days, it became the phonetic “KiMeriKal” when I was on the old AOL service simply because Chimerical wasn’t available as a screen name! But I’m finally [email protected]!

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Yes, my friends are aware, some of them have been my betas over the years. My brother knows I write, but I don’t think he’s ever read anything because he would find the smut elements uncomfortable coming from his little sister!

Is there a place online (Tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

The most recent versions of my stories are at AO3. If I ever get around to anything new it will be posted there as well.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, thanks for remembering me, and it was a great time in my life. Fandoms are great communities as long as we can always remember there’s a human being at the other end of the keyboard.  Be kind, be compassionate, and never stop imagining the possibilities.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 23, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #chimerical

[swaminithyanandaclicks]

Glimpses from KAILASA Courtyard Initiation - quantum enlightenment through quantum entanglement session with HDH Nithyananda Paramashivam on Day 12 of Paramashivoham 3 June 2020 3 JUNE 2020, THURSDAY 9:10 PM - PARAMASHIVOHAM LEVEL 2 SEASON 5 - DAY 12 - SESSION 1 (KAILASH COURTYARD SESSION). *PARAMASHIVA’S MESSAGE DIRECTLY FROM SHRIKAILASA *INTENSE REALISATIONS IN ME, I WILL SHARE WITH YOU ALL. *ASK ALL QUESTIONS ABOUT THESE FIVE STATEMENTS AND HAVE VAKYARTHA SADAS FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS. LITERALLY YOU WILL GET ENLIGHTENED! YOU WILL MANIFEST POWERS JUST BY DOING VAKYARTHA SADAS ON THESE 5 STATEMENTS. I WILL NOW EXPRESS THE 5 STATEMENTS. ASK ALL QUESTIONS YOU WANT TO ASK ABOUT THESE FIVE STATEMENTS AFTER I MAKE THEM. NOW LISTEN AND INTERNALISE: IF THERE CAN BE SECOND, THERE IS INFINITY. IF THERE IS A SECOND FISH, THE POSSIBILITY FOR INFINITE FISHES IS THERE. IF THERE IS A SECOND COW, THE POSSIBILITY FOR INFINITE COWS IS THERE. IF THERE IS A SECOND HUMAN BEING, THE POSSIBILITY FOR INFINITE HUMAN BEINGS IS THERE. IF THERE IS A SECOND FOR ANYTHING, IT IS INFINITY; THE POSSIBILITY FOR INFINITY EXISTS. THIS IS THE FIRST STATEMENT. SECOND: EACH ONE OF YOU ARE A UNIVERSE. THIRD STATEMENT: ALL OF YOU BY YOUR NATURE, BY YOUR SIMPLE EXISTENCE, ARE SEEKING FOR SOMETHING UNIQUE THAT ONLY YOU HAVE. ALL OF YOU DEEP IN YOUR HEART BELIEVE THERE EXISTS SOMETHING UNIQUE THAT ONLY YOU HAVE. YOU TRY TO SEARCH FOR THAT, DISCOVER THAT, FIND THAT. YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR WHAT MAKES YOU THE ULTIMATE UNIQUE PERSON WHICH NOBODY ELSE HAS, ONLY YOU HAVE. FOURTH STATEMENT: WHAT IS IN YOU THAT IS SEEKING YOUR UNIQUENESS, ‘THAT’ IS UNIQUE! IT MEANS: YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS IS UNIQUE ONLY FOR YOURSELF WHICH NO ONE HAS. FIFTH STATEMENT WHICH CAN MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND JUST LIKE THAT, JUST BY DOING VAKYARTHA SADAS IS... PLEASE SIT STRAIGHT AND BRING YOUR WHOLE ATTENTION AND LISTEN TO THIS FIFTH STATEMENT THOROUGHLY: EACH ONE OF YOU ARE UNIVERSES. YOU HAVE YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS WHICH IS UNIQUE WHICH NO ONE ELSE HAS, ONLY YOU HAVE. THE UNIQUE CONSCIOUSNESS YOU HAVE IS ONLY ONE AND THE UNIVERSE YOU HAVE IS INFINITE. THIS INFINITY AND THIS ONE ARE ONE AND THE SAME. THE MULTIVERSES AND THE ONLY ONE https://www.instagram.com/p/CA-4cJ8AgDE/?igshid=u9cygndrwxtg

[scifigeneration]

New evidence for a human magnetic sense that lets your brain detect the Earth's magnetic field

by Shinsuke Shimojo, Daw-An Wu, and Joseph Kirschvink

Do you have a magnetic compass in your head? Lightspring/Shutterstock.com

Do human beings have a magnetic sense? Biologists know other animals do. They think it helps creatures including bees, turtles and birds navigate through the world.

Scientists have tried to investigate whether humans belong on the list of magnetically sensitive organisms. For decades, there’s been a back-and-forth between positive reports and failures to demonstrate the trait in people, with seemingly endless controversy.

The mixed results in people may be due to the fact that virtually all past studies relied on behavioral decisions from the participants. If human beings do possess a magnetic sense, daily experience suggests that it would be very weak or deeply subconscious. Such faint impressions could easily be misinterpreted – or just plain missed – when trying to make decisions.

So our research group – including a geophysical biologist, a cognitive neuroscientist and a neuroengineer – took another approach. What we found arguably provides the first concrete neuroscientific evidence that humans do have a geomagnetic sense.

How does a biological geomagnetic sense work?

Life on Earth is exposed to the planet’s ever-present geomagnetic field that varies in intensity and direction across the planetary surface. Nasky/Shutterstock.com

The Earth is surrounded by a magnetic field, generated by the movement of the planet’s liquid core. It’s why a magnetic compass points north. At Earth’s surface, this magnetic field is fairly weak, about 100 times weaker than that of a refrigerator magnet.

Over the past 50 years or so, scientists have shown that hundreds of organisms in nearly all branches of the bacterial, protist and animal kingdoms have the ability to detect and respond to this geomagnetic field. In some animals – such as honey bees – the geomagnetic behavioral responses are as strong as the responses to light, odor or touch. Biologists have identified strong responses in vertebrates ranging from fish, amphibians, reptiles, numerous birds and a diverse variety of mammals including whales, rodents, bats, cows and dogs – the last of which can be trained to find a hidden bar magnet. In all of these cases, the animals are using the geomagnetic field as components of their homing and navigation abilities, along with other cues like sight, smell and hearing.

Skeptics dismissed early reports of these responses, largely because there didn’t seem to be a biophysical mechanism that could translate the Earth’s weak geomagnetic field into strong neural signals. This view was dramatically changed by the discovery that living cells have the ability to build nanocrystals of the ferromagnetic mineral magnetite – basically, tiny iron magnets. Biogenic crystals of magnetite were first seen in the teeth of one group of mollusks, later in bacteria, and then in a variety of other organisms ranging from protists and animals such as insects, fish and mammals, including within tissues of the human brain.

Chains of magnetosomes from a sockeye salmon. Mann, Sparks, Walker & Kirschvink, 1988, CC BY-ND

Nevertheless, scientists haven’t considered humans to be magnetically sensitive organisms.

Manipulating the magnetic field

Schematic drawing of the human magnetoreception test chamber at Caltech. Modified from 'Center of attraction' by C. Bickel (Hand, 2016).

In our new study, we asked 34 participants simply to sit in our testing chamber while we directly recorded electrical activity in their brains with electroencephalography (EEG). Our modified Faraday cage included a set of 3-axis coils that let us create controlled magnetic fields of high uniformity via electric current we ran through its wires. Since we live in mid-latitudes of the Northern Hemisphere, the environmental magnetic field in our lab dips downwards to the north at about 60 degrees from horizontal.

In normal life, when someone rotates their head – say, nodding up and down or turning the head from left to right – the direction of the geomagnetic field (which remains constant in space) will shift relative to their skull. This is no surprise to the subject’s brain, as it directed the muscles to move the head in the appropriate fashion in the first place.

Study participants sat in the experimental chamber facing north, while the downwards-pointing field rotated clockwise (blue arrow) from northwest to northeast or counterclockwise (red arrow) from northeast to northwest. Magnetic Field Laboratory, Caltech, CC BY-ND

In our experimental chamber, we can move the magnetic field silently relative to the brain, but without the brain having initiated any signal to move the head. This is comparable to situations when your head or trunk is passively rotated by somebody else, or when you’re a passenger in a vehicle which rotates. In those cases, though, your body will still register vestibular signals about its position in space, along with the magnetic field changes – in contrast, our experimental stimulation was only a magnetic field shift. When we shifted the magnetic field in the chamber, our participants did not experience any obvious feelings.

The EEG data, on the other hand, revealed that certain magnetic field rotations could trigger strong and reproducible brain responses. One EEG pattern known from existing research, called alpha-ERD (event-related desynchronization), typically shows up when a person suddenly detects and processes a sensory stimulus. The brains were “concerned” with the unexpected change in the magnetic field direction, and this triggered the alpha-wave reduction. That we saw such alpha-ERD patterns in response to simple magnetic rotations is powerful evidence for human magnetoreception.

Video shows the dramatic, widespread drop in alpha wave amplitude (deep blue color on leftmost head) following counterclockwise rotations. No drop is observed after clockwise rotation or in the fixed condition. Connie Wang, Caltech

Our participants’ brains only responded when the vertical component of the field was pointing downwards at about 60 degrees (while horizontally rotating), as it does naturally here in Pasadena, California. They did not respond to unnatural directions of the magnetic field – such as when it pointed upwards. We suggest the response is tuned to natural stimuli, reflecting a biological mechanism that has been shaped by natural selection.

Other researchers have shown that animals’ brains filter magnetic signals, only responding to those that are environmentally relevant. It makes sense to reject any magnetic signal that is too far away from the natural values because it most likely is from a magnetic anomaly - a lighting strike, or lodestone deposit in the ground, for example. One early report on birds showed that robins stop using the geomagnetic field if the strength is more than about 25 percent different from what they were used to. It’s possible this tendency might be why previous researchers had trouble identifying this magnetic sense – if they cranked up the strength of the magnetic field to “help” subjects detect it, they might have instead ensured that subjects’ brains ignored it.

Moreover, our series of experiments show that the receptor mechanism – the biological magnetometer in human beings – is not electrical induction, and can tell north from south. This latter feature rules out completely the so-called “quantum compass” or “cryptochrome” mechanism which is popular these days in the animal literature on magnetoreception. Our results are consistent only with functional magnetoreceptor cells based on the biological magnetite hypothesis. Note that a magnetite-based system can also explain all of the behavioral effects in birds that promoted the rise of the quantum compass hypothesis.

Brains register magnetic shifts, subconsciously

Our participants were all unaware of the magnetic field shifts and their brain responses. They felt that nothing had happened during the whole experiment – they’d just sat alone in dark silence for an hour. Underneath, though, their brains revealed a wide range of differences. Some brains showed almost no reaction, while other brains had alpha waves that shrank to half their normal size after a magnetic field shift.

It remains to be seen what these hidden reactions might mean for human behavioral capabilities. Do the weak and strong brain responses reflect some kind of individual differences in navigational ability? Can those with weaker brain responses benefit from some kind of training? Can those with strong brain responses be trained to actually feel the magnetic field?

A human response to Earth-strength magnetic fields might seem surprising. But given the evidence for magnetic sensation in our animal ancestors, it might be more surprising if humans had completely lost every last piece of the system. Thus far, we’ve found evidence that people have working magnetic sensors sending signals to the brain – a previously unknown sensory ability in the subconscious human mind. The full extent of our magnetic inheritance remains to be discovered.

About The Authors:

Shinsuke Shimojo is a Gertrude Baltimore Professor of Experimental Psychology at the California Institute of Technology; Daw-An Wu is also with the California Institute of Technology, and Joseph Kirschvink is a Nico and Marilyn Van Wingen Professor of Geobiology at the California Institute of Technology.

This article is republished from our content partners at The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. 

#science #neuroscience #magnetic fields #science news #human brain

[hennyjolzen]

What if we’ve been looking at Irish through the wrong lens all these years? Rather than it being a subject that causes heartache in schools might it actually be a periscope into our psyche and our souls? A path towards an entirely fresh way of seeing reality, transforming existence from a predictable and quantifiable 3-D dimension into a vacillating, multi-dimensional realm with the potential of bleed-throughs from other parallel worlds.

First, there are some truths about the language that need to be acknowledged, though the grammarians and language academics might not agree. 1 Irish derives from a world in which the unseen is as real as the seen; 2 it acknowledges the existence of other dimensions; 3 it is based on an understanding that nature and the land are vibrant, sentient beings; 4 at its most potent can be a language of incantation, meaning that it has (or might have) the potential to summon up wishes, behaviours, people and things.

These are bold claims, I realise, and whether any lofty academic linguist would agree is debatable, but let me explain with some examples of the many Irish words and phrases that can upend your way of seeing reality. Words like sclimpíní, for example, which conveys the effect of lights dancing before one’s eyes – either real light or the supernatural; those glimpses we get through the veil of what lies beyond. A single word like this can shift one’s frame of reference radically, to question all one’s assumptions and offering the potential of a more holistic and limitless way of thinking and being.

Cáithnín is another fine example of how a single word can unlock the hidden richness in our lives and landscape. It means a speck of dust, a husk of corn, a snowflake, a subatomic particle and a miniscule smidge of butter, or anything tiny that gets into the eye and irritates it. But, most evocatively of all, it also means the goosebumps you feel in moments when you contemplate how everything is interrelated and how tiny we are in relation to the whole, like that feeling when you realise, or, maybe, remember, that we are all one – all unified.

In this way, cáithnín, becomes like a koan or mantra – a single word that brings you right around the universe from the infinitesimal to the infinite. It becomes a reminder from our past about how we once related to our environment and community, and how we might do so again.

Another example is scim, which means a thin coating of tiny particles, like limewash on a house or dust on a mantelpiece. These are good practical, pragmatic meanings that any lexicographer would be comfortable with, but there are other more nebulous ones which might prove more challenging for the limited claustrophobic way of thinking that we now ascribe to in this age of empirical reasoning and narrow-mindedness. For example, scim can mean a fairy film that covers the land, or a magical vision, or, best and most alluring of all, succumbing to the supernatural world through sleep.

Just consider that notion for a while and you get a sense of the gateways, wormholes and rabbit warrens that the Irish language allows us access to, should we dare open ourselves to it. Might our world in its current state benefit from a language that allows for fairy films that cover the land, a language that offers the potential of being whisked away to the supernatural world through sleep?

Alternate dimensions

Surely children would be more intrigued if, as well as teaching them that ceantar means region or locality, we also teach them its equal and opposite, altar, which means the other realm, the netherworld. After all, this way of seeing the world is instinctive to the young, who have no problem accepting the potential of the alternate dimensions of Narnia beyond the wardrobe or Hogwarts beyond platform 9 ¾ of Kings Cross Station.

Consider the word crithir: its basic meaning is a particle or a spark of flame or light, or the tiniest portion of something, but it has other meanings that can act as a wedge to prise open perspectives that would otherwise remain hidden. For example, it can refer to the vulnerability and insubstantiality of solid objects; such as a swamp, or the trembling of the land in an earthquake, or the crumbling surface of ploughed land when dry after rain. Crithir means all these things.

This notion that our world is not as rigid or dense as we like to believe, has become more relevant with our growing awareness of quantum physics and how electrons are forever materialising, then dematerialising and reappearing somewhere else. All we really know is that our bodies, fields, mountains and stars are elementary particles, vibrating and fluctuating constantly between existence and non-existence – swarming in space, even when it seems that nothing is there. The fact that any solid, dependable mass that starts to quiver or falter can be referred to as crithir makes it an ideal term for the unpredictable and infinitesimal particles that we have delineated as the building blocks of all life.

These concepts are a bit bamboozling to all of us, but they might be easier to an Irish speaker who is already comfortable with the notion that a word like púicín can mean a supernatural covering that allows otherworldly beings appear unseen in this reality (as well as being a blindfold, a goat muzzle and a tin shade put over a thieving cow’s eyes). As an aside, the Irish for bamboozling is meascán mearaí, which also means going astray into other dimensions.

Now, with regard to this incantatory quality that Irish may possess, the best way of seeing it is through the first words ever composed by an Irishman, The Song of Amergin, which our chief poet and druid, Amergin, is said to have recited upon arriving in Ireland on the 1st April 700BC. He immediately begun uttering an incantation, summoning up the world that we intended to create here through his words. Ancient languages, when spoken by shamans and sorcerers, seemingly had this ability to not only describe an item, but help condense it from a parallel amorphous world of potential into a tangible, crystallised reality.

Language of unity

Amergin’s first stanza “Am gaeth i m-muir, Am tond trethan, Am fuaim mara”, (I am wind on sea, I am ocean-wave, I am roar of sea) clarified the interrelation between this world and all other planes of existence – physical and spiritual. It was a declaration of the unity of all things and it’s what, more or less, everything in our lives has been based upon ever since. We’re all here because of Amergin – his incantation summoned us into existence, or at least propelled us forward. And ever since we’ve been here – farming, fighting, mating and, eh, baking.

Yes, baking. As a way of delving deeper into these issues I’ve created a show called Arán agus Im, in which I summon the powers of wild yeasts and invisible bacteria to perform alchemy on milled grain and water, transforming them into bubbly universes of sourdough bread. In the show, which the Abbey Theatre is touring to Limerick, Cork, Galway and Dublin this summer, I’ll be baking bread and delving deep into language issues, while the audience get to perform their own alchemy, creating butter from cream to spread on my fresh bread made of grains grown in Ireland.

The Abbey will also be touring my show Gaeilge Tamagotchi in which I bestow rare and endangered words upon members of the public who agree to nurture and nourish them, words like lóipín, the cloth fixed on a hen’s claws to stop it scratching the earth or the pieces of jute put on a donkey’s hooves to keep them from slipping on frost. Or seithreach, the wistful voice of a mare calling for her foal, or the sound horses make when they meet after an absence.

The truth is that Irish is an ideal tool to help reorientate us back to what we have forgotten about our connection with the world around us. Its arcane structures and lack of clear rules can make it feel chaotic and uncontrollable, but therein lies its power. If we dare to dive in and escape the grips of its more pedantic gate-keepers and spirit-crushed naysayers, there are worlds of new perspectives and experiences awaiting.

[greenteafiend]

If you’re still doing the “Bad Things Happen” bingo, how about nightmares + Keith with a side of Klance if you’d like?

@badthingshappenbingo​

(Crosses are done)

Hoo boy this one got away from, it is long. Hope you enjoy!

(Read it on Ao3 here if you prefer)

Lance was surprised when Krolia pulled him aside. Alone.

He would have thought that she’d want to spend every second she had left as part of their entourage with Keith, seeing as she was leaving with Kolivan the next morning.

Instead, when everyone else was sufficiently distracted with setting up camp for the night, she grabbed him by the collar, and murmured “come with me,” as if she wasn’t already dragging him anyway. She took him into one of more structurally-sound looking dilapidated buildings.

In the close quarters of a dark room, Krolia looked even more intimidating and formidable than she usually did. Lance felt like a child next to her. For him, it defied all logic that Keith’s mother was this behemoth of a woman, even taller than Shiro, when Keith himself was only just average height by human standards. He wondered what Keith’s father was like…

“Lance,” said Krolia, in her characteristic clipped tone, “as the Red Paladin, you are my son’s second in command, are you not?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s me, Keith’s right-hand-man,” confirmed Lance, puzzled and slightly nervous. It occurred to him that he’d never been alone with Krolia before. She seemed to have as much patience for him as Keith had had in the early days of their acquaintance. That was to say, very little.

The slightly dramatic, cheerful, over-confident front Lance put up to hide how goddam scared and unsure he was all the time irritated her, Lance could tell, but being himself wasn’t an option; he didn’t think she’d like him any better as an emotional wreck.

“What can I do for you?” he asked, shifting his weight hesitantly when Krolia only stared at him, those yellow-tinged eyes glowing slightly even in the darkness of the room.

“I need you to look out for Keith when I am gone,” she intoned. Lance blinked, eyebrows crawling up towards his hairline.

“You want me to–? I mean, of course! That’s my job as his right-hand,” answered Lance, flattered that it was him of all people, and not say Shiro, or Allura, that Krolia had decided to ask this of.  

Krolia nodded stoically, accepting his words.

“He has nightmares. About Naxela,” she continued.

“Naxela-?” echoed Lance, tilting his head in confusion.

Sure, Voltron and a huge chunk of the universe had nearly been destroyed, but they’d been through similar situations before, and Keith hadn’t even been in the blast radius when everything went down. Of all the things that had happened to them, why would Keith have nightmares about Naxela?

Krolia stared at him like she couldn’t believe he didn’t get it.

“Keith nearly died,” she said gravely.

“Keith nearly what?!”

This was the first Lance had ever heard of Keith nearly dying on that mission, and just the idea made something constrict painfully in his chest.

Realisation dawned across Krolia’s features as she took in Lance’s confusion.

“He never told…” she murmured, before sighing heavily. Her posture crumpled slightly, and for the first time, Lance could see some motherly softness in her. It was hard to make out around her general fierceness.

“Keith never told what?” asked Lance sharply. His jovial facade was very quickly crumbling away, and the shrewd look Krolia leveled at him made him wonder if he’d ever had her fooled at all.  

“Before Lotor destroyed Haggar’s ship, Keith was going to crash into it. On purpose.”

Lance understood immediately.

Keith had tried to die for them. The revelation was like a punch to the gut. All these months had passed - years for Keith - and he’d never breathed a word to any of them.

That… that hurt Lance to know.   

“He has nightmares about it,” Krolia repeated.

“Why didn’t he tell us?” asked Lance hoarsely, fists clenched and trembling at his sides.

“I… don’t know,” replied Krolia honestly. “I assumed you all knew… I think I only know because he couldn’t hide it from me in the Quantum abyss. He must have his reasons for not confiding in any of you. Don’t push him.”

“I-I won’t, it’s just…”

He didn’t say anything.

“I need to know that you will look after him,” continued Krolia.

“Why me?” asked Lance, mouth dry.

Krolia just looked at him. She looked right through him, and Lance felt heat bloom in his cheeks.

“Right…” he mumbled awkwardly, “don’t worry, I’ll take care of him. I promise.”

He must have said something right because Krolia smiled at him. It really drove home the resemblance between mother and son; they both rarely smiled, but when they did… it was sort of dazzling.

“Thank you, Lance. You’re a good boy,” she said, pressing a hand against his shoulder for a moment.

She departed the next morning, leaving Lance crushed underneath the weight of her revelation. He could scarcely think about anything else, leaving him unnaturally subdued as he turned and turned the whole thing over in his head.

He hadn’t spared much thought for Naxela since it had happened. It had been a terrifyingly close call, and it had irked him that they had Lotor to thank for their lives. Except it turned out that they didn’t have Lotor to thank for their lives, they had him to thank for Keith’s.

Lance kept himself up at night wondering just how close it had been, and cursing himself for not getting more detail from Krolia. If Keith was still having nightmares about it, it had to have been a near thing. He wondered why Keith hadn’t said anything. They’d had him on the comms, Lance remembered. Keith could have said something… it’s been an honor, boys…

Lance wanted to bring it up. It felt like the sort of thing that needed to be acknowledged and addressed; Keith had tried to die for them. It felt important to figure out why. Was it because Keith cared a whole lot more than he let on, or was it because he’d spent so long with the Blade of Marmora that the mission over individual rhetoric had stuck? Had he thought they didn’t need him anymore because he wasn’t an acting Paladin?

Lance needed to find out, but finding an appropriate time to do so was proving to be difficult.

Firstly, Lance didn’t think that Keith would appreciate it if he blurted it out in front of everyone. He was notoriously private, and tended to lash out when he was backed into a corner. Lance needed to get him alone so they could speak in private, but there wasn’t much privacy to be had seeing as they were living practically on top of one another in their lions.

A few times he got as far as saying “hey, Keith–” only for his damned wolf to teleport between them, or for them to get interrupted by someone else’s presence.

“What did you want, Lance?” Keith would say, and everytime Lance would shrug it off because it was awkward to bring up with Coran puttering around in the Cargo hold behind them, or Hunk cooking lunch.

But in the end, Lance didn’t need to do anything to get Keith alone, because Keith got them alone for him.  

They landed on a habitable planet with lush forests, and unloaded from their lions to spend the night, and stretch their legs.

Keith made off into the underbrush immediately to collect firewood, Kosmo streaking after him like a bright blue shadow.

Lance heaved a deep sigh; Keith had left so fast that he hadn’t even had a chance to volunteer to tag along before he’d disappeared into the green foliage.

“Lance, can you help me with Kalternecker?” called Coran.

“Stubborn cow…” Lance muttered under his breath, before jogging over to help.

After a lot of tugging and cajoling, they managed to get Kalternecker out of the Blue Lion and happily munching on alien grass.

“Why you gotta be so difficult?” said Lance, staring into Kalternecker’s dopey eyes.

Before Kalternecker could offer a reply, Kosmo popped into existence between them.

Lance shouted in surprise, flinging his arms up defensively, and then Kosmo jumped on him, pressing his paws again Lance’s chest.

“Kosmo! What are you-” Lance tipped and started to fall backwards.

Before he could hit the ground, everything seemed to phase out of existence around him. For a split second he was perfectly still, suspended in nothingness. All he could feel was two warm spots on his chest where Kosmo’s paws rested, and then with a rushing roar, the world snapped back into being.

He hit the ground with a painful thud, knocking all the breath from his body.

“-doing,” he wheezed.

Kosmo filled his field of view, licking his cheeks with a sandpapery tongue.

Lance let out an involuntary giggle, it tickled.

“D-d-d-down boy–” he laughed, pushing weakly at Kosmo’s face.

“Kosmo, please, let him up” that was Keith’s voice, sounding put-upon, and there was Keith’s frowny face, looming over him.

It struck Lance as extremely comical that Keith talked to his space wolf like that, seriously like Kosmo was a person that could understand every single word, and he laughed harder. It was endearing, and it shouldn’t have surprised Lance as much as it did; this was the same boy who hadn’t named his wolf for two years because he was waiting for said wolf to tell him his name.

With one last slobbery lick, Kosmo obeyed Keith and teleported himself so he was sitting at Lance’s feet.

“Thanks for bringing him,” Keith said to Kosmo.

Wait, bringing him?

Finally able to sit up, Lance could examine his surrounding. Kalternecker was nowhere to be seen, and neither were any of the Lions.

He was in a clearing in the forest, surrounded by a wall of trees and dappled sunlight.  

“Did you just get your space wolf to fetch me?” said Lance incredulously.

“Yeah…” said Keith sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck, “I’m surprised it even worked, he never fetches anything else I ask him to get.”

“Right,” said Lance, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. Keith watched him do this, shifting his weight nervously. He’d obviously brought Lance here for a reason, so Lance waited patiently for him to speak. Keith began haltingly, face screwed up like the words were unbearably salty.

“I’ve… I’ve been gone awhile. I guess… things have… changed? Since I’ve been gone?”

“I guess?” answered Lance, puzzled about the direction Keith intended to steer this conversation in. He knew what direction he wanted to steer this in, but it was only polite to hear Keith out first before Lance brought up personal information his alien mother had divulged without his knowledge or permission.

“You seem… down,” said Keith, staring at him with those big expressive eyes.

“What?” said Lance, utterly perturbed. That was the last thing he expected Keith to say.

“You’ve seemed pretty down,” repeated Keith, taking a step closer to him.

“I spoke to Hunk and it sounds like something happened, or well, didn’t happen, with Allura?”

Everything in Lance revolted against those words coming out of Keith’s mouth, and he recoiled as if Keith had struck him.

“Excuse me?”

Grimacing, Keith pressed on.

“Look, I know I’m not the best at-at pep-talks, or comfort, but I’m meant to be the leader again, and I just wanted to say-” Keith took a deep breath, “-just because Allura didn’t choose you doesn’t mean someone else won’t-”

“Oh my God. Keith, I need you to stop talking, like, right now,” groaned Lance, burying his face in his hands. Lance had experienced acute embarrassment many many times in his short life, but Keith of all people trying to comfort him over his failed love life was a whole new category of mortification, even for him.

“Kosmo, take me back to the to others,” Lance begged dramatically. Kosmo tilted his head to the side, gazing at Lance quizzically with those unearthly glowing eyes. Keith was looking at him with much the same expression, complete with the head tilt. Lance would have found it unbearably cute if he weren’t so busy being humiliated.     

“I’m just worried about you, you’ve been weird for the past few weeks,” said Keith. He was dripping sincerity which was making it very hard for Lance to be irritated at him like he wanted to be.

“I’m fine,” said Lance shortly.  

“Are you sure? You haven’t been acting fine… I mean, there are a lot of other girls out there–“

“Me estás jodiendo– it’s YOU, you numbskull!” Lance snapped, throwing his hands up.

“Me?” it was Keith’s turn to look totally discombobulated. His expression turned pensive, like he was wracking his brains for what he might have done.

“Is this about that weird game show thing with Bob?” he asked slowly, a frown tugging at his lips. “Look,” he continued, “it was a stressful situation, and I was pissed that you said I can’t draw because I’ve seen your drawings, and you have have no business telling me I can’t draw–”

“This is getting off track, we aren’t meant to be talking about whether you can draw for not,” said Lance, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Quit saying I can’t draw!” snapped Keith, bristling like an angry cat.  

“It’s about Naxela,” blurted Lance. Keith’s ire melted away, giving way to confusion.

“Naxela?” He repeated. “What about Naxela?”  

“UM, you tried to fly straight into Haggar’s ship like a Kamikaze pilot!” Lance cried, waving his arms emphatically.  

“So? That was ages ago,” replied Keith, looking at Lance like he was weird for bringing it up. Of all the ways Lance had envisioned this confrontation going down, he hadn’t imagined Keith being so nonchalant.    

“Ages ago?” he echoed faintly.

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?!”

“Are you just gonna repeat everything I say?” asked Keith, irritation creeping into his voice.  

“Keith, it’s a huge fucking deal,” said Lance. It was the most serious thing he’d ever said to him.

“If it weren’t for Lotor–”

“I know,” interrupted Keith. “I know…” he repeated, quiet and subdued.

“But that didn’t happen, so it doesn’t matter.”

Lance could tell from the mulish expression on Keith’s face that he truly meant that.

“If it’s not a big deal, if it doesn’t matter, then why do you still have nightmares about it?”

Keith’s expression faltered, and crumpled. Lance was standing close enough to him to see the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and the way his eyelashes fluttered over his suddenly glassy eyes. Lance hadn’t noticed when, but they’d migrated to stand quite close to each other; both of them seemed to have fallen into the gravity of the conversation.

“That’s why you’ve been acting weird all this time?” asked Keith, clearly trying to change the subject.

“I’ve been trying to bring it up with you since your mom told me about it the day before she left,” confirmed Lance.

“Well, consider it brought up and dealt with. I’m fine,” said Keith hoarsely. He looked anything but fine. He looked haunted, and he was hugging himself like he was trying to keep himself together. Kosmo trotted over and put a paw on Keith’s thigh, letting out a high whine like he was trying to offer comfort.

Lance sighed.

“Keith, what you did, or rather, what you tried to do for us, it’s a big deal. You should have told us. We should have talked about it.”

“What would the point have been? Why does it matter?” asked Keith stubbornly, but his voice was wavering.     

“Keith, it matters because you matter,” said Lance, sounding pained.

“I wasn’t a Paladin anymore, then. You guys, the mission, they were both more important than me, I didn’t matter.”

“You don’t… you don’t really believe that, do you?” asked Lance desperately, searching Keith’s face. The stubborn jut of Keith’s chin, the guarded, steely look in his big eyes; Lance only found confirmation that yes, Keith did believe that. It broke Lance’s heart, neatly fractured it in two, that Keith, brilliant, talented, earnest, Keith, didn’t think he mattered.

He didn’t know whether to yell in his face how wrong he was, or pull him into a hug.

“Are we done here?” huffed Keith impatiently, crossing his arms over his chest. Keith’s defensive posture, his hunched shoulders, it was like watching the shutters snap closed on the window to his soul. Lance knew instinctively that whatever he said now, it would fall on deaf ears. He tried anyway.

“Nearly. I just want to say… we all have nightmares, Keith. You don’t have to suffer through them alone, if you need me I’m here for you.”

Keith gave a curt nod, before turning on his heel and disappearing into the forest.

Rather than following Keith, Kosmos trotted forward and nudged Lance’s hand with his head. Lance automatically petted his soft fur, tangling his fingers between the strands, and then the forest dissolved around him, and he was back in front of Kalternecker. Before he could blink, Kosmo was gone again.   

Keith stayed gone for a long time, and when he returned his expression was guarded. He avoided being alone with Lance for the rest of their interlude on the forested planet, and then, all too soon, they were loading themselves back into their lions for another long slog to whatever destination Pidge and Coran had routed for them.  

This time he had Kalternecker as his travel companion, and he was glad; Kalternecker wouldn’t question how uncharacteristically quiet he was being and how his expression had fixed itself into a thoughtful frown. Kalternecker was content to munch on her alien hay, and leave him to his thoughts of Keith. He hated how they’d left things. Maybe if he’s said or done or said something differently, Keith wouldn’t have run off. Keith would meet his eye, and Keith wouldn’t seem more withdrawn than ever.

He considered bringing up what had happened with Shiro, but ultimately decided not to because Shiro was still recovering, and none of them had any idea what memories he might have retained from his clone. The last thing Lance wanted to do was cause Shiro undue stress, and a very large part of him revolted at running to Shiro for help like a little kid because he was supposed to be Keith’s right hand man now. This was something he was supposed to be able to deal with. Besides, Shiro was in the Black lion with Keith, so he couldn’t exactly radio in and speak to one without the other hearing everything he said. He could radio Pidge, or Hunk, or Allura, but that didn’t feel right either, talking about Keith behind his back like he was a problem.

Keith was prickly and slow to trust, and Lance liked to think he was one of a very select few that Keith actually let in a little. One of the few people who got to see one of his very rare, genuinely joyful smiles. No, he couldn’t risk betraying Keith’s trust, even if he only had his best interests at heart.

With no other recourse, and in very Keith-like fashion, Lance brooded.

He brooded so hard he couldn’t manage to fall asleep that night, so he ended up leaving his pallet bed, padding out of the cargo bay to sit in Red’s pilot seat, and enjoy the view of endless stars. Red’s cockpit was perfectly warm, the temperature kept downright balmy as per Lance’s preference, but he still felt cold.

All of a sudden, his peaceful but somber solitude was disturbed. Kosmos materialised behind him, bringing Keith in tow. Judging by the yelp Keith let out, the way he landed flat on his ass with a thud, Keith hadn’t been brought here of his own volition.

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed, standing and walking around his seat to hover over him. Kosmo was staring at Lance expectantly, while Keith had his face downturned so his eyes were obscured by his bangs.

“What brings you here?” Lance asked after an awkward beat of silence.

“A bad dog,” replied Keith, voice especially gravelly and low, even for him.

Lance didn’t know how he managed it, being a space wolf and all, but Kosmo looked at Keith like a parent might look at their misbehaving child while their teacher recounted their misdeeds; disappointed and exasperated.

Kosmos let out a soft whine, and nudged Keith with his head. Nudged Keith towards Lance…

That was when Lance noticed that Keith was shaking.  

“What’s the matter?” asked Lance, approaching Keith and getting down on one knee beside him like he was a skittish cat; slowly and carefully.

He set a hand on Keith’s shoulder, and although Keith’s breathing hitched at the light touch, he didn’t immediately push him away which counted as a win.

Lance ducked his head to peer into Keith’s face, and saw that it was crumpled in misery. Keith’s eyes were glassy and red, his lips pressed into a thin tremulous line. The last time Lance had witnessed Keith this small and vulnerable, he’d been grieving for Shiro. Just like last time, something in Lance’s chest couldn’t help but respond to Keith’s distress. Lance was an empathetic person; seeing others’ sadness made him sad too. Lance needed to soothe him.

“Can I hug you?” he asked.

“I-I don’t need– I’m fine,” protested Keith, voice hitching in a way that belied his words.

“I didn’t ask if you need a hug, or if you’re okay–” it was plainly obvious to Lance that the answer to those questions were respectively yes, and no, “I asked if I can hug you because I want to,” he said simply.   

“Why?” asked Keith, finally looking up at Lance with those big eyes. The confusion swimming in them was heartbreaking.

“Because I love hugs, they always make me feel better when I’m sad, and well, you look sorta sad, Keith. I wanna help you feel better.”

Lance opened up his arms in wordless invitation.

Keith just stared at him for a beat, blinking in bewilderment, and then he moved so fast he was a blur as he all but threw himself into Lance’s arms. It was as if he was afraid Lance might change his mind if he took too long.

“Easy, I got you,” murmured Lance, catching Keith against his chest, and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Keith’s hands fisted in the back of Lance’s shirt, and he clung. Folded into Lance’s embrace like this, with only their soft pajamas clothes between them, Keith felt warm and human.

Fragile.

He could feel Keith trembling everywhere they were pressed together. Keith was drawing in short quick breaths like he was trying to calm himself down, ruffling Lance’s hair with every shuddery exhale.

Lance held him tighter, and rubbed his back. It felt like Keith was holding the tension of the world between his shoulder blades, but as Lance idly pressed his fingers into the knots there, Keith slowly relaxed.

Minutes passed, and neither of them let go. Keith’s breathing evened out, and he stopped shaking so badly.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Lance eventually murmured.

Keith nodded, keeping his face tucked into Lance’s neck.

“About Naxela?” That earned him another nod.

“Do you wanna tell me about it?”

Keith shrugged.

“It’s always the same. It’s stupid,” he said gruffly.  

“I’ll listen anyway. And I promise I won’t laugh, even if it is stupid.”

Silence fell again, and lasted for so long that Lance didn’t think Keith would speak.

“Um…” murmured Keith, barely above a whisper.

Lance shifted, intending to set Keith back so he could see his face as he spoke, but Keith’s grip on him didn’t let up. Lance got the message and immediately stopped trying to pull away, letting Keith keep hiding his face.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just think… maybe it could help? Talking things out makes me feel better,” said Lance.

“Along with hugs?”asked Keith.

“Along with hugs,” Lance confirmed, giving Keith a squeeze. “Don’t you feel better?” he joked weakly.

Keith nodded, and Lance’s heart skipped a beat. Keith took a deep breath, and started to speak.

“So… I’m in the Galra fighter,” he began. Lance had never hung on someone’s words so intently.

“This time… Lotor doesn’t come in time and I– I die, I guess.”

“That’s not stupid, Keith. It’s understandable to have nightmares about it–”

“No, that’s not the part– I mean, this is war. I’ve accepted that I might die,” Keith cleared his throat awkwardly.

“What’s the part that is bothering you?” asked Lance, inwardly apprehensive. He’d had plenty of nightmares himself of dying in space and never getting to see his family again, Keith shrugging that off, not being bothered by dying… it twisted something up inside him.    

“Um… w-when it happened… Shiro said…” Keith breathing was picking up again, and Lance felt him starting to tense up. Lance didn’t need Keith to finish what he was going to say, Lance remembered.

“Shiro said ‘good job, Keith,’” breathed Lance.  Keith nodded.

“He said that and– and y-you guys were all ch-cheering but I’d nearly just– a-and I felt–” Keith was shaking again, and Lance’s heart ached.

“Shh, hey, you’re alright,” soothed Lance desperately, but it was no use; Keith had started to cry. He was obviously trying to to stifle himself, only letting out tiny sniffles, but Lance could feel his tears soaking into the fabric of his nightshirt.

“It’s stupid to feel like this,” Keith choked out vehemently. “It shouldn’t matter, it shouldn’t bother me, but sometimes I dream I-I’m dead a-and y-you’re all cheering and I–I–”

“Listen to me, Keith,” said Lance, low and utterly serious. He pulled back so he could look Keith in the eye, and this time Keith let him. Eyes wet with tears, Keith was the saddest thing Lance had ever seen.

Tutting softly, Lance reached out to brush away the tears with his thumb. “The way you feel isn’t stupid,” he said, “you tried to die for us, and from your perspective, it sounded like we were celebrating. No wonder you have nightmares about it. You know that if we’d known what you were doing, what you tried to do, we wouldn’t have been cheering right? Shiro wouldn’t have said that.”

Keith shrugged.

“I’m serious, Keith. We all really care about you, and not just because you’re the Black Paladin and we need you to form Voltron’s head,” said Lance, unable to help himself when it came to inserting a bit of levity into the heavy conversation.

“I hate that you’ve been dealing with this on your own, and I know the others would too. Anytime you have a nightmare, or just need a hug, any of us would be there for you.”

“I wasn’t totally alone, Krolia helped. I hadn’t had any dream that bad in ages, but since she left…” Keith trailed off.

“How did she help?” asked Lance, genuinely curious. Krolia didn’t seem like the comforting sort. Keith’s cheeks turned pink.

“Um… hugs? And she’d, um… she’d tell me…”

“Tell you what?”

“She’d tell me she loved me,” Keith blurted, ducking his head in embarrassment.

“And that helped?”

Keith nodded, shamefaced.

Lance’s answering smile was fond and indulgent.

“I love you, Keith,” he said easily. Keith’s cheeks turned even redder, and he spluttered indignantly.

“What?! You can’t just–!? You don’t mean– You can’t just say that–” Lance chuckled.

“Why not? You said it helps to hear it, and it’s true,” he replied. “If you asked the others, they’d say the same thing. We all love you. And you love us, too.”  

While Keith seemingly wrestled with what Lance had said, Lance got to his feet, wincing at the stiffness in his knee after kneeling on it on the hard floor of Red’s cockpit for so long.

“Keith,” he said to get the other boy’s attention, offering him a hand. With a pinched frown, Keith accepted and let Lance haul him to his feet, only Lance didn’t just haul him to his feet, he also pulled him in for one last hug.

“Do you feel better?” Lance asked, hooking his chin over Keith’s shoulder.  

“… yeah,” replied Keith. “Thanks, Lance. I love you, too,” he continued quietly. Something about those words, spoken in Keith’s gruff voice, and with complete sincerity, made a riot of butterflies burst into existence in Lance’s stomach.

Lance drew back and cleared his throat, hoping that the sudden warmth in his cheeks wasn’t visible to Keith.  

“Sooo… next time you have a nightmare what are you gonna do?” Lance prompted.

“Um… ask for a hug?” answered Keith hesitantly.

“Atta boy,” said Lance, beaming and clapping Keith on the back. “Now, are you good to try and get some sleep?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think I’ll be okay. Thanks, Lance. I’ll just go back to– hang on…” Keith made a show of looking around the cockpit.

“What is it?” asked Lance, but Keith didn’t reply, he darted into the cargo hold, looking around with an air of desperation.

“Did you lose something?” Lance asked haltingly, following Keith through the cockpit door.

“My way back to my bed,” replied Keith grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest.

Oh.

Kosmos was nowhere to be seen.

“It’s fine, I’m sure Kalternecker won’t mind you bunking with her,” joked Lance, waving an arm at her mound of hay.

Keith gave him a flat, unimpressed look, and then his expression turned sly.

“Last one to your bed has to bunk with Kalternecker!” he exclaimed, and then he was off like a shot, flying across the cargo hold.

“Wha-? Hey! No fair! I didn’t agree to this!” cried Lance, scrambling to chase after him.

(In the end, neither of them bunked with Kalternecker, and Lance woke up the next morning with a mop of black hair on his chest, tickling his chin, and Keith’s hand curled into his.)

(Me estás jodiendo means, roughly, you’re fucking with me)

#bad things happen bingo #vld #nightmares #klance #krolia #naxela #talking out feelings #whump #hurt/comfort #my writing #voltron

[jfastereft]

"CONFUSION!"   a poem    a.k.a.: "Resolution or What       NOT?!"      13 June 2019 [Thor's Day]

  IF everything COSTS something, "Is it worth it?"  you ask;

"Is there free? Is there expensive?        What IS our task?"

 Perhaps: To (IF you wish) decide     what any of this means!!

To-do-that, you-might (1) define-terms-and (2) go-back-to-your-teens,

When most (?) of us [thought] we had-a-pretty-good-idea-what-was-going-on!!

I emptied the garbage, went to school and - mow-ed the grassy lawn!

 We got an "allowance" to hone fiscal skills,

And-we-went-to-our-classes, dreamin'-'bout-future-thrills!

We "threw caution to the wind," but-worried, how-we-might-look,

And we took stuff without paying, acting like a crook!

 We THOUGHT we'd get along        with a bunch of fine things,

And-in-the-end, we-were-tangled   in "The Theory of Strings!"*

 THERE'S A BALANCE AROUND HERE?  I think you might notice,

You SEEM to get what you pay for!  If you steal, is there a "lotus!"**

Things come and things go; a soft rag is so porous;

And the people who are stable - are-they probably Taurus!***

 The "Taurians"*** are STABLE, and they haul the long haul,

They give and they take, without much of a ball!

So say: "QUID PRO QUO," and don't imagine there'll be,

A quid without quo - Can it happen for Thee?

 What-you-want must have value, even-if  only for you,

Is it real?  Is it free?  It still APPEARS       to be true!

 SOMETHING COMES,   (pause)  and SOMETHING GOES!

Sometimes events! are-between-friends;     and-sometimes-between-foes!?

So, do we ever really know      if there is a FAIR SWAP?

Do you have-to decide about that?  or - can you stop?

 Can-you decide NOT to decide - until you've had a little sleep,

Because things in the morning are NEVER that DEEP!

 So: Is there anything WORTH IT?  and is anything FREE?

Are things TOO expensive?   Do you REALLY "Love me?"

I think NONE of these questions has-or-will-ever-have-an-answer!

YOU GIVE AND YOU TAKE!       Try-to-be-a-reasonable-"cancer!"

 Like good-old King David, with the Covenant Ark,

Don't you dare touch it!   You might leave a mark,

But AS TEEN WE DIDN'T CARE!

We touched!  We would dare,

To NEVER COUNT THE COST,

For we KNEW we were lost,

In space, spinning 'round,

On a sphere!  SO PRO-FOUND!

 Yet, we SEEMED to be solid,        so awfully steady,

Goin'-a-thousand-miles-per-hour!  Yeah?  Are you ready,

To admit:  YES!  Oh, yes!   It's-well-worth-the-hassle,

To spin-around this fast - and to wear you a tassel,

On a board hat,   when you're bored,     graduating from a-"school,"

That graduates - initiates - and-instructs       just-"The-Cool?"

 Which ALSO instructs us: TO: SOW-[OUR]-WILD-OATS,

But!  Did you REALLY - have to take [ANY] NOTES!

 Confused yet?  Well, good!             Welcome to THE CLUB,

Of every darn human! We're-goin'-down!   Blub, blub, blub!

So, either       you struggle!   to - come up             (often) for air,

Or you learn to breath anyway - in the water DOWN THERE!

  fin   <3

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOaMNeojYpw

 * - a theory of "Quantum Gravity," which apparently replaces our "old school" "particulate matter" theories with, get this: ONE DIMENSIONAL STRINGS!   [Don't blow my mind, it's already gone.]  What a bunch of malarkey; however, THAT'S WHAT HUMANS DO!   They talk about crap "until the cows comes home" - or they go to sleep, whichever comes first!!  Welcome to PLANET EARTH, oh Ye Sleepers!    Zzzzzzzzzz.

 ** - The lotus is considered A NICE THING!  If you steal, does the acquired THING give you as much pleasure?  Do you treat it with the same reverence?  YOU answer the question!   or NOT!

 *** - an astrological sign! but!   Is astrology, perhaps, a bunch of bull?!

[ulfwolf]

Emptiness—Musing 67

Of an empty room— An absence of many things A presence of none

No one has ever been able to count the number of thigs that are absent from an empty room.

Supposedly.

Never the one to shy away from a challenge, the other day I rose to that particular one and set out to count the number of things absent from my very-empty-indeed back bedroom (in an earlier incarnation it was a guest bedroom, but since I no longer entertain, as it were, and since I no longer receive visitors or guests, well, no need for a guest bedroom—now just an empty, hardwood-floor, four light-gray walls and a slightly darker ceiling: an overcast night sky).

Yes, I set out, firmly resolved to count them all, all those missing things, but I gave up at one hundred forty-six, this while the line of absent things clamoring to be included grew and grew, almost exponentially, with each breath—clear writing on wall.

Deep breath.

And another.

Instead, I decided to count the number of things absent from my empty heart—a lighter task, I figured, since not too many things would fit in a heart my size, and if it would not even fit, I should not have to count it as absent, right?

Right?

But as I began to count, astonishingly, my tiny heart grew and grew to fit more and larger absent things (and to spite me, I think; at least a little), so again, the line of absentees grew unmanageably long and soon I was again tempted to just shelve the project, but since I had already come up short once today, I decided to stick with it. Grit.

Count.

So far, discovered as absent from my empty, though still expanding, heart:

Bell-bottom jeans, fruit flies, Mom’s cinnamon rolls, trigonometry, integral calculus, differential calculus, pure mathematics, G. H. Hardy, Ramanujan, ice cream, iceberg, frosting, cake, chocolate, chocolate cake, forgiveness, trust, tenacity, broken arms, five-kronor coins (about one dollar), Beatles haircuts, DAT (Digital Audio Tapes), DAT recorders, the Atkins Diet, the Grapefruit Diet, the Liquid Diet, the Fruit Diet, strawberries, whipped cream, trout, hobnail boots, Traffic (the band), maps, compasses, Isaac Asimov, Dune (written by Frank Herbert), names-day presents (they don’t celebrate names days in America, nor in England—but they are huge in Russia and they count as, roughly, half a birthday in Sweden), the Swedish Flag, the Danish Flag, European football, ice hockey, tundra, reindeer, wolverines, wolves, polar bears (called ice bears in Sweden), starvation, global warming, generosity, compassion, glee, conquistadors, Inca, massacre, Rwanda, genocide, holocaust, Flat-Earth Society, Chairman Mao, Stalin, Hitler, mass-murderers, mooring lines, tide, spindrift, foam, seagulls, ospreys, hunter, hunted, cows, ruminating, grass, skylarks, sunflowers, wind velocity, quantum entanglement, whispers, small angels (as in a clear glass globe), stupid plots, plot holes, pot holes, clichés, alliteration, ground frost, the draft, Arlo Guthrie, killing, corpses, Khmer Rouge, Touch (the band), West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band (another 60s band), mice, cats, rodents, ermines, frogs, plop, haiku, short stories, short shorts, prose poems, odes, Baudelaire, Rimbaud, French, flunking French, German, arcane grammar, Finnish, impossible language, alien visitors, flying saucers, flying disks, worm holes, Atlantis, Elvis, kissing cousins, King Creole, the Jordanaires, My Boy Lollipop, the Locomotion, Little Eva, Grand Funk Railroad, Petula Clark, Downtown, Uptown, Summer in the City, the Loving Spoonful, kerosene heaters, gas stoves, scrambled eggs, smoked ham, salt shrimps, stealing, thieving, pilfering, misappropriating, snatching, pinching, nicking, filching, lifting, snaffling, liberating, kleptomania, boy scouts, troll mothers, regular mothers, fingers in tills, relieve of, innocence personified, whistling, blue eyes, who? me?, snow storm, freezing to death, Frosty the snowman, his pal Rudolph, fake tears, the Kinks, the Zombies, She’s Not There, more fake tears, ouzo, pernod, licorice, chewy sweets, ferry boats, stormy water, time, the Doors, The End, Light My Fire, Just One Look, the Hollies, New Musical Express, Melody Maker, Radio Luxembourg, crystal radio, bad reception, mid-winter sky, northern lights, the milky way (The Winter Street in Swedish), four hundred billion galaxies…

…and counting…

::

P.S. If you like what you’ve read here and would like to contribute to the creative motion, as it were, you can do so via PayPal: here.

[snackpointcharlie]

Neither smog nor acid rain nor gloom of… um, gloominess shall stay Snackpoint Charlie from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. The final score from Snackpoint Charlie’s battle with technology is in: Machines 1, Charlie … well, I’d call it a draw but judge for yourself at https://wavefarm.org/wf/archive/9qggjc. Apologies to all who weren’t properly ID’ed on air, I’ll get you next time or double your money back.

Snackpoint Charlie - Transmission 069 - 2021.07.07 PLAYLIST https://wavefarm.org/wf/archive/9qggjc

1) Ìxtahuele - “Manna (feat. Kadhja Bonet and Orange Crate Art)” from EDEN AHBEZ'S DHARMALAND https://ixtahuele.bandcamp.com/album/dharmaland https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/as-the-wind-the-enchanted-life-of-eden-ahbez/x/73458#/faq

2) Zdeněk Liška - “Pearls from the Deep” from MALÁ MOŘSKÁ VÍLA (THE LITTLE MERMAID) https://finderskeepersrecords.bandcamp.com/album/mal-mo-sk-v-la-the-little-mermaid https://www.finderskeepersrecords.com/shop/the-little-mermaid-mala-morska-vila-2/

3) Timely Buck - “anon” from 69 PLUNDERPHONICS 96 https://plunderphonic.bandcamp.com/merch/69-plunderphonics-96-2cd-book-set

(underbed throughout) Pinetop Gherkins - “Trip Ping Balls”

4) Jesse Paul Miller/Sublime Frequencies - “Java, Indonesia II” from A DISTANT INVITATION: STREET & CEREMONIAL RECORDINGS FROM BURMA, CAMBODIA, INDIA, INDONESIA, MALAYSIA AND THAILAND https://www.sublimefrequencies.com/products/576333-a-distant-invitation-ceremonial-street-recordings-from-burma-cambodia-india-indonesia-malaysia-and-thailand

5) Ансамбль Электромузыкальных Инструментов П/У В. Мещерина (Mescherin's Orchestra) - “Дзинтари” from Солнечные Блики https://www.discogs.com/%D0%90-%D0%9E%D0%B3%D0%BE%D1%80%D0%BE%D0%B4%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%B2-%D0%B8-%D0%9E-%D0%91%D1%83%D0%B4%D0%B0%D0%BD%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%B2-%D0%A1%D0%BE%D0%BB%D0%BD%D0%B5%D1%87%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B5-%D0%91%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%B8/release/4084234 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkTnlozbv48&t=1s

6) Armand Elmaghribi - “Dar Elbida - Part I (Morocco)” from GLIMPSES OF NORTH AFRICA'S MUSICAL PAST: 1930-1956 https://gharamophone.bandcamp.com/album/glimpses-of-north-africas-musical-past-1930-1956

7) Cho Kwanghee, Wi Sangsim - “Dodori (Piri Solo)” from CHOSON RECORD 60229 https://www.discogs.com/label/1042904-%EC%A1%B0%EC%84%A0

8) Chan Chainat - “Ban Na Pha Suk (Happy Farmhouse)” from LUK THUNG: CLASSIC & OBSCURE 78S FROM THE THAI COUNTRYSIDE https://dusttodigital.bandcamp.com/album/luk-thung-classic-obscure-78s-from-the-thai-countryside

9) Дос-Мукасан (Dos Mukasan) - “Karangy Tunde Tau Kalgyp” from Дос-Мұқасан ансамблі https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70zJF6_bf7Y https://progresyvusisrokas.blogspot.com/2015/12/dos-mukasan-kaz-dos-mukasan-1983.html https://www.discogs.com/%D0%94%D0%BE%D1%81-%D0%9C%D2%B1%D2%9B%D0%B0%D1%81%D0%B0%D0%BD-%D0%90%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%B0%D0%BC%D0%B1%D0%BB%D1%96-%D0%94%D0%BE%D1%81-%D0%9C%D2%B1%D2%9B%D0%B0%D1%81%D0%B0%D0%BD-%D0%90%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%B0%D0%BC%D0%B1%D0%BB%D1%96/master/979955

10) Les Agamemnonz - “Les Conseils de la Fee des Lilas (Advice from the Lilac Fairy)” from AMATEURS https://hitiderecordings.bandcamp.com/album/amateurs

11) Kolida Babo - “Kolida Hymn” from SPIRITS OF MAURONOROS / KOLIDA HYMN https://www.discogs.com/Kolida-Babo-Spirits-Of-Mauronoros/release/18439546

12) Malika Ouahes - “Siweḍ Sslam” from CHANTS TRADITIONNELS KABYLES https://malikaouahes.wixsite.com/malika-ouahes/malika-ouahes-biographie https://soundcloud.com/sad-mad-1/malika-ouahes-siwed-sslam

13) Caméléon - “La Rosée Si Feulles Songes” from OTÉ MALOYA - THE BIRTH OF ELECTRIC MALOYA ON RÉUNION ISLAND 1975-1986 https://strut.bandcamp.com/album/ote-maloya

14) Jubantouja - “Nkin Dim D'Itran” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0B_VRjgh64

15) Robert Downey - “Fan-A-Way” from PUTNEY SWOPE https://www.criterion.com/films/28358-putney-swope

16) Shinichi Tanabe - “Prison Gate Island Theme” from Prison Gate Island https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJcyiADls_Q

17) Charles Lindsay - “DWAVE2 - Quantum Computer / NASA” https://disquiet.com/2016/01/28/disquiet0213-complexsignatures/

18) May Oskan and Andy Maag - “Cygnus Loop” from CYGNUS LOOP https://mayoskan.bandcamp.com/album/cygnus-loop

19) Rambutan - “System 8 (Campbell Kneale • Ray Hare • Sindre Bjerga • John Olson • Karen Schoemer • Eric Hardiman)” from PARALLEL SYSTEMS https://rambutan.bandcamp.com/album/parallel-systems

20) Skimi Radio - “زوم في البالكون 02: أم ڨرڨر في الليل صدعلي” from ZOOM IN THE BALCONY https://soundcloud.com/skimi-radio/02a

21) Can - “Eins” (excerpt) from LIVE IN STUTTGART 1975 https://canofficial.bandcamp.com/album/live-in-stuttgart-1975

22) Jesse Paul Miller/Sublime Frequencies - “Myanmar (Burma)” from A DISTANT INVITATION: STREET & CEREMONIAL RECORDINGS FROM BURMA, CAMBODIA, INDIA, INDONESIA, MALAYSIA AND THAILAND https://www.sublimefrequencies.com/products/576333-a-distant-invitation-ceremonial-street-recordings-from-burma-cambodia-india-indonesia-malaysia-and-thailand

23) Ryan Jewell - “O-O” (excerpt) from RADIO: VOL. 2 https://noticerecordings.bandcamp.com/album/radio-vol-2

24) Googoosh - Jadeh (excerpt) https://www.discogs.com/%EF%AE%94%EF%BB%AE%EF%AE%94%EF%BB%AE%D8%B4-Googoosh-The-Best-Of-1-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87/release/9750805

25) Emmanuel Hatungimana - “Rwanda Nziza (Beautiful Rwanda)” from WHY DID WE STOP GROWING TALL? https://abatwa.bandcamp.com/album/why-did-we-stop-growing-tall

26-27) Aaron Dilloway - “Shiva Full Moon Ritual: Pashupatinath 2.24.05” and “Cow Drinking From Public Water Tap: Larjung 3.05” from SOUNDS OF NEPAL VOLUMES 1 - 3 https://aarondilloway.bandcamp.com/album/sounds-of-nepal-volumes-1-3

#snackpointcharliewgxc #snackpointcharlieradio #radioforopenears #hellsdonuthouse #communityradio #freeformradio #outernational #hudsonvalley #globalmusic #worldmusic #globalbeat #wgxcradio #hudsonny #wgxc #plunderphonics #Ìxtahuele #ZdeněkLiška #finderskeepers #ryanjewell #aarondilloway #jessepaulmiller #can #skimiradio #KolidaBabo #LesAgamemnonz

[originalcollectorcloudlove]

Silicone Market Size, Share & Trends Report, 2020-2027

Global Silicone Polymer Market 2018-2025

In 2018, the global silicone polymer market size was valued at USD xx million and estimated to project the rise of USD xx million in 2025, accounting a CAGR of x.x% during the forecast period.

In the pristine form of elastomers, the product finds major elements in wire insulation, lightings, lamps, and power distribution owing to its superior dielectric and better thermal stability. Fast cooling characteristics of high temperature vulcanized (HTV) silicone and liquid silicone rubber (LSR) in electronic applications, sealants, and gaskets are estimated to augment the market in the coming years.

Request for Sample Report @ https://www.adroitmarketresearch.com/contacts/request-sample/508

Increasing consumption of energy and growing importance of distribution devices and transmission for electricity is anticipated to provide an impetus to the electronics industry. Taking this point in highlight, market players are sincerely looking forward to tap an opportunities in the electronics industry in the coming business days.

Silicone gels are primarily used in concealing scars in newly healed wounds and to lessen any major immature scars. In addition, various gel-based products are used in encapsulation and potting of electronic & electronic equipment, including LEDs, and solar devices. Consumption of silicone in aforementioned applications is anticipated to hamper the trend on account of its several characteristics including high dielectric strength, good water repellence, and excellent ability to dampen mechanical vibrations.

Browse Complete Report @ https://www.adroitmarketresearch.com/industry-reports/silicone-polymer-market

 Furthermore, U.S. and Japan are leading the market for lightweight automotive materials, and several upcoming vehicle manufacturing facilities in emerging economies including Mexico, Vietnam, China, and India.

global silicon polymer market is segmented into several classification including product outlook, application outlook, and regional outlook. Based on the product outlook, the market is categorized by fluids, gels, resins, elastomers, and others. Furthermore, on the basis of application outlook the market is classified into Electrical & electronics, construction, transportation, personal care & pharmaceuticals, textiles, and others. Based on the regional outlook the market is widely range to North America, US, Europe, Germany, France, Russia, Asia Pacific, China, Japan, India, Latin America, Brazil, Middle East & Africa.

Geographically, Asia Pacific is expected to witness the largest regional market throughout the forecast period. Taiwan, China, Korea, India, and Japan is anticipated to supplement the growth of the silicone polymer market share during the forecast period.

Leading players of the global silicon polymer market include Hutchinson, Allergan, CRI-SIL Silicone Technologies, LLC, Cow Corning Corp., Quantum Silicones, Ashland Incorporated, CSL Silicones Incorporated, Evonik Industries AG, Silteq Ltd., Wacker Chemie GmbH, Specialty Silicone Products, RUSNANO, Shin-Etsu; Silchem, Inc., Kemira Oyj, ICM Products Inc., and more others.

Make an Enquire To Buy This Report @

https://www.adroitmarketresearch.com/contacts/enquiry-before-buying/508

Key Segmentation of the Global Silicone Polymer Market 2018-2025

·        Product Outlook (Volume, Kilo Tons; Revenue, USD Million, 2018 - 2025)

·        Fluids

·        Gels

·        Resins

·        Elastomers

·        Others

·        Application Outlook (Volume, Kilo Tons; Revenue, USD Million, 2018 - 2025)

·        Electrical & electronics

·        Transportation

·        Construction

·        Personal care & pharmaceuticals

·        Textiles

·        Others

·        Regional Outlook (Volume, Kilo tons; Revenue, USD Million, 2018 - 2025)

·        North America

o   U.S.

·        Europe

o   Germany

o   France

o   Russia

·        Asia Pacific

o   China

o   Japan

o   India

·        Latin America

o   Brazil

·        Middle East & Africa

What to expect from the upcoming report on ‘Global Silicone Polymer Market’:

-Analysis over future prospects as well as Global silicone polymer market trends over the forecast period (2018-2025)

- Information regarding technological progressions as well as innovations taking place in developing as well as developed economies and also various macro & microeconomic factors that affect the growth of the market.

- Supportive initiatives by government likely to influence the market dynamics.

- Key drivers influencing market’s growth, opportunities, restraints, sales channels and distributors.

- In-depth analysis of different market segmentations including application, form, type, distribution channel and geographical regions.

- Deep analysis about the competitive landscape of the market and the initiatives by them to improve this market such as expansions, growth strategies, agreements, new product launches and acquisitions in the market

- Value Chain and Sales Channels Analysis

Who should buy this report?

- Report is especially designed for Venture capitalists, Investors, financial institutions, Analysts, Government organizations, regulatory authorities, policymakers, researchers, strategy.

 About Us:

Adroit Market Research is an India-based business analytics and consulting company incorporated in 2018. Our target audience is a wide range of corporations, manufacturing companies, product/technology development institutions and industry associations that require understanding of a Market’s size, key trends, participants and future outlook of an industry. We intend to become our clients’ knowledge partner and provide them with valuable Market insights to help create opportunities that increase their revenues. We follow a code- Explore, Learn and Transform. At our core, we are curious people who love to identify and understand industry patterns, create an insightful study around our findings and churn out money-making roadmaps.

 Contact Us:

Ryan Johnson

Account Manager Global

3131 McKinney Ave Ste 600, Dallas,

TX75204, U.S.A.

Phone No.: USA: [phone]/ [phone]

#Silicone Market

[spacebookettes]

Leopardoria

A city in future India... it’s mascot Metal Leopard, adorns the multi levels of skyscrapers and cyber park statues. Crystal leopard fangs tip every rooftop to stop the giant insect invaders, should they ever return.

A small park on skyscraper level 23 has a shaft of light that reaches down and illuminates a small leopard icon fixed into an ancient concrete wall. A crystal face with snarling whiskers and flashing ruby eyes. There’s a lot of water in the old cyber park drained down from the endless showering surfaces above. Clean alpine water of the lightest sapphire hue. It pools in the white marble pathways and raised areas. There is also a pond, no sign of a fountain.

Not many people visit this old relic of a park. A woman visits every week to feed the moths. Giant flecked moths. A woman who always says hello to the crystal leopard. And sometimes on an evening when the light hits just right, the crystal leopard head refracts pieces of iridescent rainbows all around the park.

A woman sits on one of the ancient benches made out of some old wonder material that never corrodes or fades. A woman sits with a future ipencil drawing luminous 3d shapes in the air; they hover and she rotates them changing the colours, drawing on holographic googly eyes, sets them to gliding and rotating around the park. A glittering Michelangelo’s David escapes from the tip of the ipencil and sits next to A woman. It can be hard to find solitude in a 30 mile high city of multi levelled skyscrapers... though really, you just have to know where to look... follow the giant moths.

The End

By Peter Stringer

Internet Zombies

The zombies had eaten everyone.

A driverless van stopped outside a house. It’s contents of fresh food brought to the back door and placed inside after the auto lock opened up the house… it was getting tight in the kitchen, for boxes. All the well to do houses had lots of boxes.

A window cleaning contraption un-clicked from it’s recharging housing on the side of the building. It happily washed the windows again. A zombie got excited about the movement of the contraption but soon lost interest… no flesh for a hungry zombie.

The cows were happy. The contraptions kept bringing them food and they were let out everyday to eat the fresh grass. Scratching posts contraptions kept their coats neat and their bodies relaxed. No one came to the slaughter house; those contraptions hadn’t been turned on for quite a while. A computer monitored the cow behaviour and adjusted as needed. As the farms filled up with the cow babies, mothers would be allowed onto the fields to raise as they pleased.

Buses of zombies did the commute, buses of zombies went to the coast; though they were dead the zombies realised it was quicker to use the automated bus services on their endless journey looking for brains.

A robot opened a door and let a few zombies into the automated Patisserie, they didn’t seem interested in the freshly baked good, but they came every morning the smell perhaps seemed like life or perhaps croissants smell like brains a little.

The street cleaner contraptions kept the roads running smoothly for the driverless cars on their way. The hopeful faces of the zombies checked for drivers. Nothing.

A jet flew over with only the usual junk mail onboard, the halls of the houses around the world filled up with useless paper.

A robot tapped the code to get into a secure room in a power station. The solar panels were all working efficiently still.

A gleaming high tech factory… raw materials in one end new solar panels out the other, loaded onto delivery trucks.

A sewing machine runs through it’s programming for the delicate detailing on some net curtains. The boxes of new net curtains were piling up… an efficiency droid was having to do some serious reorganising.

Trees have started sprouting in the gardens and in the in-between grassy patches.

A dog steals a pastry.

The end

By Peter Stringer

RATS

Rodent Augmented Terrestrials.

The Rat wanted to be a witch, she had a little sparkly black hat. The hotel was fun since the humans had left. A skeleton crew of maintenance contraptions all that was left to watch over the long corridors and bright spaces. Someone had forgotten to set the traps for the rats.

Auntie Ratty had knitted the Rat’s hat. Strands of glitter ran through the wool they had found in the back of some lost storage space. Robot rats are quite handy with wool and string, paperclips and buttons. They had found a jar of iridescent pearly buttons in the storage place. A tiny black one, with flecks of rainbow, was sown onto the Rats hat.

Who had created the crafting metal rodents they didn’t know. The rats found all kinds of scraps and odd ends. The hotel rooms were covered with little paper houses, knitted helter skelters and cardboard assault courses. Real rats had started living in some of the paper architecture, taking daily exercise in the ratty theme parks. The robot rats opened food for the real rats in the kitchens. Filled the sinks with water for bathing and refreshment.

A military droid… Power Reconnaissance Inspector Noncombatant Casualty Enabler. Was searching the halls of the abandoned hotel. The Rat saw its shiny exoskeleton and was impressed. She climbed up its legs torso and neck and snuggled it’s ‘cheek’… I don’t know what robot magic or quantum fairy caused what happened but the Rat started growing and glitching, rainbows streamed from her metal joints. Her red eyes threw sparks of lightning into the air as her rodent back straightened and she stood up, long limbs laser energised from her rodent claws. She stood fully humanoid with giant sparkling woolen hat, black sparkly woolen cape. Metal humanoid hands caught the light as she stretched them out in her gaze. A full robot witch with rocket broomstick and potion gadget belt. The military droids ocular sensors fizzed with new programming. It broke off it’s arm cannon, threw it to the floor. A knitting needle wand sprouted another sparkly woolen hat. Two robot witches flew with fireworks exploding out of the back of their rocket broomstick. Creating calamity in a moon lit night and off into a mountainous distance, snow avalanches following.

The end

By Peter Stringer

Nanobot and germ

The nanobot spied the little germ, usually nanobots left the immune system to work on it’s own. But the occasional nasty invader could be disposed of. The nano bots multi micro pincers picked up the germ. LIGHTNING STRUCK the woman, all the nanobots in her body froze and slowly came back online. An urgent repair meant busy nanobots. Our nanobot was still frozen it’s micro eye sensors locked on the germ. Nanobot’s pincers brought germ closer. Some entanglement had occurred between them, now nanobot had to save germ. But where would be safe. Nanobot took germ all around the woman’s body. Nothing seemed safe from the immune system and the other nanobots. A journey would be needed, outside the body. Nanobot reached some skin opening and looked across the vast expanse of the outside world. It leaped floating among the dust particles and pollen. Nanobot and germ floated along a bright day. Around others heads, white walls and sterile equipment. Where could nanobot take germ in the hazardous place of soap and alcohol gels. They drifted around white corridors and down a black elevator shaft.. Nanobots little thrusters launched them toward an exit and out into a fresh crisp spring. Nano was worried about germ in this cooler environment. It searched the internet for ideal conditions for a germ. Warm and humid seemed to be the ideal. Nanobot passed a gargantuan ear, a humongous coughing mouth projected them back towards their exit. Nanobot’s micro thrusters saw them back on their journey and through a giant closing door. A warm place, a clean place, too clean. Nanobot dare not rest on any surface so they hung there on a new journey. Nanobot rested on a floating piece of skin cell and let germ have a snack of it. Sirens meant a rushing. The vast doors opened blowing nanobot and germ around the cavern. A flat line sounded, a giant moved back and forth but the flatline kept pouncing. Nanobot rested on a dead hair folicle. Nanobot stayed there for days an eye sensor on germ who was having a great time of it. Strange organic music and darkness. Nanobot waited. Nanobot said good bye to Germ who didn’t even notice. A long journey through deep soil and then a crisp spring landscape. Sunshine.

The end

By Peter Stringer

#leopard #book #scifi writing #art #india #Leopardoria #scifiandfantasy #creative writing #cyber park #crystal cat

[bananadata]

Top data links this week: so many Facebook recaps, cow fitbits, and an AI for mayor

AI was front and center in the news this week as one of the main focal points of Mark Zuckerberg's investigation by Congress, as well as his defense. So much so that it's hard to decide who won. The tech world seems to have turned it's back on Facebook for now though. - [Video] Did senators questioning Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg understand the internet? by The Guardian - Mark Zuckerberg Refuses to Admit How Facebook Works by Bloomberg - Mark Zuckerberg is either ignorant or deliberately misleading congress by the Intercept - Mark Zuckerberg has been apologizing for reckless privacy violations since he was a freshman by Vox What about next steps? - The Giant List of Shit Mark Zuckerberg Swears He'll Get Back to Congress on by Gizmodo - Don’t buy Zuckerberg’s line that AI will save Facebook by Quartz - The Case For Paying To Use Google And Facebook by FastCompany One thing that we can agree on, is that in the long run, MySpace Tom beat Facebook.

Our top data articles this week v

- Anti Blockchain Blockchain is not only crappy technology but a bad vision for the future

- Code history Why does "=" mean addignment?

- AI for cows? ‘Cow Fitbits’ and artificial intelligence are coming to the dairy farm. But some farmers aren’t so impressed.

- Dataviz project of the week: Climate change brings early spring!

- Practical AI? Lessons Learned Reproducing a Deep Reinforcement Learning Paper

- Project of the week: The Birthday Paradox Experiment

And lots more data stuff for you coming right up! - Publishers Haven't Realized Just How Big a Deal GDPR is by baekdal "What I'm not seeing, however, is any real change to the way publishers use data, the business models they have that rely on data, or any consideration as to what impact this will have on their editorial strategies." - There's an AI running for the mayoral role at Tama City, Tokyo by Otaquest - The Crazy Coverage of Facebook's Unremarkable 'AI Invented Language'by Skynet Today "As the multiple hype-debunking articles just above imply, this small aspect of the research is really not a big deal. The only big deal about all this is how crazy coverage of this story got, given how mundane the AI development was." - Quantum spookiness exploited for better random numbers by New Atlas Researchers have come up with a way to generate truly random numbers using quantum mechanics. [...] The researchers say their work could improve digital security and cryptography. - Kafka, GDPR and Event Sourcing by Dan Lebrero "From a technical point of view, if you have bought into Event Sourcing and Kafka, it is of special interest GDPR’s "right to erasure" (aka. forget everything that you know about me), as it is at odds with the idea of an immutable event log that does not forget anything." - Deep Learning for Radars by Ivan Krasin This proves the point that we can get useful data out of the radar with no need for the classical radar stack and no need to manually deal with parameters like Constant False Alarm Rate, desired Radar Cross-Section and tens of others. - Encoding data in dubstep drops by Ben Cox "But that had me thinking, how much effort would it be to actually embed machine readable data inside a dubstep track, while ensuring that the sound could be enjoyed by humans as well…" - Introducing TensorFlow Probability by Tensorflow "At the 2018 TensorFlow Developer Summit, we announced TensorFlow Probability: a probabilistic programming toolbox for machine learning researchers and practitioners to quickly and reliably build sophisticated models that leverage state-of-the-art hardware."

#banana data news #links #data #best of #facebook #cows

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 29 January 2018

Quick Bits:

Avengers #678 is more gorgeous artwork from Pepe Larraz and David Curiel. The intrigue and mystery to the story is also being teased out a bit more, just enough internal questions about Voyager and Grandmaster’s opponent to keep you hooked amidst some all out action between the Avengers, Black Order, and Lethal Legion.

| Published by Marvel

Black Crown Quarterly #2 adds some more comic previews, interviews, and various odds & sods to the mix. Rob Davis’ Tales from the Black Crown Pub remains the best thing about the anthology, but the Cüd comic is growing on me. It’s nice to see James Coe’s Bandtwits continue here, it was one segment I was expecting to see spun out to its own comic. Also, House Amok by Christopher Sebela and Shawn McManus is deliciously twisted.

| Published by IDW / Black Crown

Bonehead #2 puts a lot more meat on the bones of this series. Where the first issue was largely a beautiful showcase for Rhoald Marcellius and Sakti Yuwono’s art, this time Bryan Edward Hill dives into more of the world and what’s going on with “56″. It’s an interesting approach with what amounts to parkour gangs in what looks like an increasingly oppressive society, reminding me somewhat of Mirror’s Edge.

| Published by Image / Top Cow - Glitch

The Despicable Deadpool #293 reinforces the idea that we’re seeing Deadpool’s end of days (the writing on the wall that this arc is called “Bucket List” and we already know this incarnation of his adventures is ending at #300 notwithstanding), as the issue long fight with Rogue underlines Wade’s self-destruction and deliberate alienation of his friends and family.

| Published by Marvel

Eternity #4 brings the latest Divinity story to a close, kind of, as Matt Kindt dives deep into a meta narrative of construction, conception, and delivery of story and ideas. Trevor Hairsine, Ryan Winn, and David Baron also raise the bar with the execution of some of the glorious story ideas presented here.

| Published by Valiant

God Complex: Dogma #4 remakes Seneca, giving us a look deeper into the gods’ technology and adherence to mathematical projections for behaviour as “fate”. It also gives Hendry Prasetya and Sunny Gho a chance to show off again, delivering some beautiful artwork as it shifts between Hephaestus trying to save Seneca within the digital framework and the grit and blood of attempting to save him on the physical plane.

| Published by Image / Top Cow - Glitch

Hack/Slash: Resurrection #4 is messed up. This, of course, is a good thing as Tini Howard continues with the humour of Cassie’s relationship with Laurie and adding an interesting possible wrinkle to series’ mythology.

| Published by Image

Hungry Ghosts #1 is the start of an anthology series of food-themed horror stories with the overall narrative being linked through a game of kaidan (some would also know it as kwaidan)--basically a party game wherein participants tell one another ghost stories and then see whether or not they’ve been possessed in a mirror once they’re done--written by Anthony Bourdain and Joel Rose, and illustrated by an assortment of artists. 

This first issue sets up the rules, the framing narrative, and a couple of stories. It’s good so far, with art provided by Alberto Ponticelli for the framing narrative and first story, Vanesa Del Rey for the second story, and colours by José Villarrubia. The first story is a kind of traditional cautionary tale of helping others, whereas the second is a kind of humorous horror story of the perils of being a dick.

| Published by Dark Horse / Berger Books

Jean Grey #11 is an interesting, oversized finale for the series, which sheds a different light on what the Phoenix has been doing to young, time-tossed Jean, even as she goes through more purification by fire at the hands of other past remaining Phoenix hosts. Dennis Hopeless throws out some implications here that I really hope are followed up on in the near future.

| Published by Marvel

Joe Golem: Occult Detective #5 brings to a close both the “Flesh and Blood” arc and this second mini-series. This one has been good, with a nice mystery solved and some of the subplots of Joe’s history and supporting cast advanced. Patric Reynolds’ art is still a real treat, making the sunken NYC a real character in the book in its own right.

| Published by Dark Horse

KINO #3 spotlights again one of the things that I love about this series; the use of old style comics storytelling as a narrative device itself. I love that within the normal dark, stylistic intrigue of the main narrative, there’s a stylistic shift in both Joe Casey’s scripting and Jefte Palo’s art with Chris Sotomayor’s colours to a simpler superhero style when inside the KINO conditioning programme.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

Phoenix Resurrection #5 is the epic conclusion to this series, which, despite some bombast, goes out with some emotional resonance, discussion, and character building rather than the usual superhero battle. It’s a fitting and mature reawakening for the “real” Jean Grey with Matthew Rosenberg giving us another glimpse as to why he should probably be one of the voices guiding the next stage in the X-Men’s evolution. Also, there are some great shots and reveals from the art of Leinil Yu & Gary Alanguilan and Joe Bennett & Belardino Brado, with colours by Rachelle Rosenberg. I know it’s not continuing into X-Men Red, but I particularly like the black and red variant on the Phoenix costume.

| Published by Marvel

Spawn #282 is ostensibly the conclusion to the “Dark Horror” story-arc, that gained this extra chapter somewhere along the way. As the story progressed, its felt like Todd McFarlane has been taking over more of the scripting, steering it more towards more traditional Spawn storytelling, and, although it has felt a bit at odds with the original oblique Japanese horror told through suggestion and conversation, it has still be entertaining. Also, Jason Shawn Alexander’s artwork has remained a beast.

| Published by Image

Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #16 sees the crap hit the proverbial fan as Aphra and her team face off against an angry archaeotech trap. The humour hits probably and all time high this issue, as the relationship between Aphra and Tolvan develops further.

| Published by Marvel

Tales of Suspense #101 continues to be one of the best buddy comedy thrillers in comics right now. Matthew Rosenberg’s characterization of Hawkeye and Winter Soldier are hilarious and help propel them through the action and intrigue in the book. Travel Foreman’s art (with colours by Rachelle Rosenberg) also continues to impress with some really nice panel transitions and action sequences.

| Published by Marvel

Underwinter: A Field of Feathers #4 is dark, very dark. As Felix and Rose battle over their kids, something worse happens. Ray Fawkes manages to amplify the horror exponentially.

| Published by Image

Other Highlights: All New Wolverine #30, Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #15, Animosity #12, The Beautiful Death #5, The Beauty #19, Big Trouble in Little China: Old Man Jack #5, Black AF: America’s Sweetheart, Captain Marvel #128, Dark Ark #5, Defenders #9, Dread Gods #3, Elephantmen #80, Eternal, Falcon #4, Incredible Hulk #596, Infinite Loop: Nothing but the Truth #4, Invincible Iron Man #596, Jessica Jones #16, Kaijumax: Season 3 #6, Lazaretto #5, Maxwell’s Demons #2, Moon Knight #191, Old Man Logan #34, Outcast #33, Punisher: The Platoon #5, Quantum and Woody! #2, The Realm #5, Rick & Morty #34, Riverdale #10, Spider-Gwen #28, Star Trek: Boldly Go #16, Star Wars: DJ - Most Wanted, Star Wars: Forces of Destiny - Rose and Paige, Void Trip #3

Recommended Collections: Godshaper, Kill the Minotaur, Royals - Volume 2: Judgment Day, Saucer State, US Avengers - Volume 2: Stars & Garters, Venom - Volume 3: Blood in the Water, Violent Love - Volume 2: Hearts on Fire, Wayward - Volume 5: Tethered Souls

d. emerson eddy is revisiting The Moon and Antarctica. Wondering about the dark centre of the universe and all these tiny cities made of ashes.

#This Week in Comics

[ancienthinduism]

IDOL WORSHIP IN HINDUISM : DECODED #1

Hinduism has deep-rooted scientific knowledge wrapped up in faith and hope. Idol worship which is called as the ‘Murthi Pooja’ in Hinduism too has got its significance from nature and mysticism. There is both mystical and scientific aspect of this act.

Idol worship is a spiritual act that has been in practice since ages of time. Idols are the sacred material manifestations of the energies of the "Isha" or the divine which are placed in every Hindu temple, Hindus home and areas of commerce. Idols of God are the personification of the divine energies in materialistic forms, human forms, and that  shows us the likeness of the representation of gods' form and  brings us closer to them so that we can see them as a part of us and ourselves as the part of that divine. Every human being needs a friend and a companion who supports him in his good and bad times. There are people who have no one to talk to and who are being left astray in the course of life. The faith they put into this idol, symbolizing and channeling their faith and energies to the lord, helps them survive in bitter times of Kalyug and gradually helps them to overcome them. He who resides in heaven is just the energy and the idol a physical representation of that divine.

The scientific aspect, since Hinduism has its roots in science goes to prove that if a person prays to an idol or worships, it helps them to concentrate and focus on a single  thought. In Kalyug, spiritual beings are surrounded by distractions and worldly desires which diverts their focus. This has led to the spread of atheism. With the focus on the idols, our senses centralize and positive energies flow into our body. This activity intellectually improves our brain’s nervous system and the cardiovascular system. In a true sense, it instills in us, the ancient practice of meditation which helps us to understand things in depth.

The reason behind the idol worship has a got a specific and a special reason, though many other religions deny the fact of practicing it. As we know that everything has  two sides, in the same sense idol worship in Hinduism has got its own charm and divinity as it regulates focus in oneself and to assure the presence of God the almighty.

THE CONCEPT OF IDOL WORSHIP IN HINDUISM - IN DETAIL

The answer needs to be properly understood. In the Hindu tradition, God has been largely absent in traditional sense. For example, two of the major Hindu philosophies – Samkhya and Advaita – are primarily atheistic! Samkhya calls this existence to be a play between Purush and Prakriti. Which essentially means “Masculine” and “Feminine” energies. Or “Yin-Yang” as they are known in Far East. There is no Parmatama or God. In Advaita on the other hand, which is a non-dualistic school, there is no two. Only one indivisible existence in terms of Universal Consciousness!

In such a tradition, what is God then? The concept of God as described by Krishna in Bhagwad Gita’s 9th and 10th chapters is central to the Hindu tradition per the scriptures as well. When asked by Arjun “Who are you?”, Krishna points to discrete things – from mountains to Vedas to music, to emotions, the good things and bad, and equates himself with all of them. Once he has discussed a fairly vast expanse of discrete things, he declares “I am All”!

In mathematical terms,  Lord Krishna was describing Himself as the “Infinite curve” with several discrete points, such that every discrete point describes the curve completely! In Spiritual terms, if everything is ONE Universal Consciousness, then how can one distinguish between point A and point B? In that state, there is no distinction of Space and Time. If that is so, then at the gross level, no matter what you look at, it describes the Divine completely.This concept of the Hindus has been proven to be in alignment to the distinction between Quantum world and the Physical world. Even though every molecule is distinct with its own properties, at the sub atomic level, it is one wave! Somewhere, the wave gives way to the material reality as one goes from subtle to the gross.

In this vast expanse of One Indivisible Universal Consciousness, everything conceivable is a manifestation of that same One showing up at the gross level as matter. That is why, even though Sanskrit term for Creation is Kriti, the Hindus never used it to describe this Existence. Instead they used the term Srishti! Srishti comes from the word Srijan. Srijan is the growing of a tree from a seed. Tree is the manifest form and seed the unmanifest.

So, to a Hindu devotee, it doesn’t matter whether it is a tree, a rock, a piece of metal or a cow – everything is but a manifestation of the One Universal Consciousness – or his Divine! On the infinite curve of the Divine, every discrete point describes and manifests the Divine completely.

Is a Hindu’s idol God? Scientifically and Spiritually it is a resounding YES! At a more mundane level, that idol has been consecrated or energized to bring well being to him. It is therefore a complete system of Spiritual and Social growth, something that those who denounce Idol Worship have never been able to comprehend. Both Spiritually and Scientifically they have made a fool of themselves!

{TO BE CONTINUED ..}

#hinduism #hindu mystery #hindu religion

[g0dblessthefandom]

Brittana Valentine’s Semi AU (Updated Daily Unt-bwhahahahahaha) February 13, 2016

Flashback Fever

February 13, 2016

The day Brittany was offered her dream job, Santana had been talking on the phone with her mother for nearly an hour.

Though talking was a strong word.

What they were really doing was arguing loudly, while occasionally Santana would put her mother on speakerphone, and beg Brittany to respond to her mother’s rapid fire Spanish. Brittany, of course, knew better than to get in between Santana and Mama Lopez while the sparks were flying. She managed to make them laugh with a non-sequitur and then turned back to her computer desk, smiling at the prospect of her fiancee (she still got chills thinking of Santana that way) planning their wedding. They didn’t plan to draw out the preparations, especially with Brittany going out of the country in a few weeks for a conference, but convincing Santana’s mother that neither of them needed to arrive to the ceremony in a horse drawn carriage was easier said than done.

“Mami, it’s almost Valentine’s Day, we’re not dealing with this! Here, talk to your other daughter. She will tell you, I’m not- Mami, por favor-”

As if in silent response to her prayers, Brittany’s cell phone began to ring. She got up, kissed Santana on the forehead, and went quickly into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She studied the screen for a moment before answering, frowning at the number that was unfamiliar to her.

“Hello?”

“Brittany? Dr. Brittany Pierce? This is Dr. Susan Wingate from Columbia. ”

The frown creased into her features bloomed into a smile. She wasn’t expecting a call from her alma mater, but she knew Dr. Wingate very well. The professor had always had a soft spot for her unorthodox student, and she’d liked Santana as well. Brittany had most recently sent Dr. Wingate a bouquet of flowers to celebrate her ascension to dean of the Physics department, but that had been almost two months before.

“Dr. Wingate, of course! It’s been a long time. It’s so good to hear from you. Congratulations on your promotion again.”

“Thank you so much, Brittany. I wanted to say thank you for the flowers. They were quite lovely. I know that you’ve been very busy, so it’s nice for you to spare a thought to your poor old  Quantum Field Theory teacher.”

Brittany’s smile grew wider. Dr. Wingate playing the pity card meant that she wanted Brittany to come and do something at the school. She was always happy to help out, and actually really missed hanging out with the science students.

“I’m pretty sure you also taught Quantum Field Theories II. And it was my pleasure, Doc. I always said you should be running that dusty program anyway, breathe some new life into it.”

There seemed to be a deep breath on the other side. Brittany’s smile slipped a little and she steeled herself for whatever was coming next.

“That’s actually what I want to talk to you about, Brittany. I have been trying to dig out these old fogies since I started working at this school, and I think I’ve finally made some headway.”

Brittany raised an eyebrow. “You don’t sound particularly victorious.”

“Do you remember Dr. Bailey?”

“Yeah. He was the old fossil that was in charge of Molecular Physics. Pretty terrible teacher if I remember correctly, and that was a while ago.”

“Yes, well, he, um, he quit.”

“Seriously?” Brittany almost shouted. She began to pace excitedly. “But how? Why? He had tenure, didn’t he?”

“He did. But, he was not happy with the way that I was managing things. Personally, I don’t think he liked the idea of a woman heading up this department. So, he quit. More specifically he went into retirement. He was due years ago, but the timing is incredibly inauspicious.”

Brittany slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle a guffaw. After a few moments, she spoke again, the laughter still in her voice. “Wow. So, the old man finally’d had enough, huh? Holy cow, sorry Doc, I know that puts you in a bit of a bind, but that’s pretty funny.”

“I’m glad you find it so humorous, Brittany, because you can actually do something about it.”

Brittany’s laughter stopped abruptly. “Me?”

“Yes. I’m sure that you’ve gotten offers from all over the stratosphere. You are a talented scientist, Brittany, we both know that. You have a passion for physics that is almost unmatched, and a light that cannot be stifled. I don’t want to waste you time with silly offers or half hearted gestures. I want you here, with me, where you belong. Come, work for me, here at Columbia. We can offer you full benefits, a competitive salary, and you will be my vice dean, teaching Molecular Physics, with limited classes and all of the research support that you need. I’ve gotten the okay to fast track you to tenure. We can even find something for Santana. Maybe in the music department? We need more people like you working here, Brittany, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get you back.”

Brittany felt all of the air go out of her lungs like a slowly deflating balloon. She tried to steel herself against the tsunami of thoughts that were racing through her head, but she was having some trouble. She shook her head and tried again.

“Doc, um, I dunno what to say…”

“Say yes, Brittany, and say it quickly, please. I’ve got the board breathing down my neck, and they want the position filled yesterday. I was wracking my brain and then who should occur to me but the rock star alumni who everybody wants and no one could have! The west coast isn’t doing anything for you, Britt, this is a a great opportunity.”

“ I know, Doc, I know.” Brittany said quickly. “It’s an amazing opportunity! I just have to talk to Santana first.”

“Of course, of course. Just-” There was another moment of hesitation. “If you could get back to me by Monday that would be much appreciated.”

“Wait, what- This Monday? As in tomorrow?”

“It’s just that we’ve got a board meeting on Monday, and I assured them I’d have good news.”

“You’ve got to admit this is a lot to spring on me at once.”

“Yes, of course. Take the day, sleep on it, talk to Santana, and let me know.” Dr. Wingate paused. “Just let me know, Brittany.”

They said their goodbyes, and Brittany walked, dreamlike, back into the living room, plopping down on the couch next to Santana, who’d finally gotten off the phone, and was scrolling through her newsfeed, doing her best not to fume, and failing miserably.

“I can’t believe my mom, oh my god. She thinks that we want this fairy tale wedding, but I mean, did she even consider for a second what we might want?”

Santana didn’t notice Brittany’s lack of response, choosing that moment to turn horizontally on the couch and put her feet into Brittany’s lap.

“And before you say anything, I get it, I know. I’m not supposed to be arguing with her anymore. This is our day, we shouldn’t let her get to us. But, she’s had my number for the past 29 years, you know,? And that’s not going to change-”

In that moment Santana noticed Brittany’s silence and sat up quickly.

“Babe, what’s wrong? Who was that on the phone?”

“Remember Dr. Wingate?” Brittany asked, with that faraway look still in her eye.

“Yeah. What was wrong?”

“Nothing, she, um-” Brittany turned, taking Santana’s hands in her own. “She called to offer me a job.”

Brittany watched Santana closely while she explained the call, taking in every detail of her fiancee’s face. She was normally so easy to read, but now Brittany couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She finished talking almost breathlessly, anxious from the lack of response.

“So, what do you think?”

There was long pause and finally Santana spoke with as much nonchalance as she could muster. “What did you tell her?”

Brittany swallowed. “I told her I’d think about it.”

Another pause.

“Think about it?”

“Well, yeah, mi corazon, I told her I had to talk to you, and sleep on it, but I mean, think about what a great opportunity this is!”

“Opportunity.”

“Yeah! I know, I know, it means moving back to New York, but it’s not like we don’t know anybody over there, and we’ve both talked about how we missed the city. And this job, Santana, I mean, it’s amazing! I’ll get to teach what I love, and hang out with students all day. Remember how much I loved being a TA? I can get tenure before you know it, and we can start thinking about our family. Kids, a house and a picket fence, the whole thing, you know? I mean, this could really be it for us!”

Brittany’s smile was blazing on her face as she got lost in her imagination, thinking about what could be. She hadn’t considered it much, but she was even starting to convince herself. It really would be a great opportunity, and with Dr. Wingate on her side, she’d be publishing more than ever. She felt giddy and excited all at once.

Suddenly her eyes went to Santana’s face and she felt her smile drop. Santana’s mouth was twisted into a grimace, and she pulled her hands back sharply out of Brittany’s grasp.

Brittany frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“You want us to up and move to New York City? We haven’t been there in almost a decade!”

Santana began pacing and Brittany followed her with her eyes.

“Well, yeah, I mean, I know it’s out of the blue, but at least it’s worth a discussion-”

“We came here for more opportunities, Brittany, are we just throwing that away now?”

“No, of course not but, you’ve got to admit that being here is getting us nowhere fast. You’ve been working the same dead end job for two years, and I spend more time on the road than here. I thought we decided that we were going to spend more time together.”

“Dead end? That job has gotten me a lot more contacts in the industry, which is more than hanging out at Columbia ever did.”

“I didn’t mean that, I just meant… Look, Santana, when we finished school, we both had these big dreams, you know? You were going to be a publicist and I was going to go and ride this math train as far as it could take me. We did your thing, we tried the west coast, and it didn’t turn out for you. Maybe it’s time that you tried something else. Maybe stop being so safe all the time! Take a risk!”

“Ah, so now I didn’t make anything of myself? That’s what you’re saying?”

“That’s not what I-”

“And do we know why they chose you all of a sudden? Just chose some alumni instead of anyone else?”

The words stung Brittany, and she flinched almost as if she’d been slapped.

“I’m not just ‘some alumni’, Santana, I’m one of the foremost researchers in mathematical physics in the world.”

“Right, right.”

Brittany could feel the heat rising in her face, and pointed a finger at Santana.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that for the foremost researcher in mathematical physics I have to remind you a whole lot to take out the garbage.”

Brittany knew that Santana was being petty, and she could feel her own rage boiling over, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Taking out the garbage?”

“Yes, and if you think I’m chasing you across the entire damn country so you can go chase some dream that’s not even yours, you’re crazy. I’d rather stay here with my half baked ideas and my failures.”

“You're taking my words out of context, Santana. And who said this wasn't my dream? I love teaching, I love Columbia, this is a good fit!”

“Since when do you love teaching, Britt? Since when do you love Columbia? The last thing I remember you were chomping at the bit to get away from that school and it's dusty academics. You spent more time complaining about plenty of the teachers-”

“Well, of course at the time I wasn't feeling it, I had been in school for the better part of six years, I was sick of it. But I go back all the time for stuff there.”

“And who was with you for all those years? And when it was over we agreed that we would come to California so I could have my chance. Now is supposed to be my turn! I was supposed to get my chance to figure my life out.” Santana poured a bit, but her anger blazed on.

“And how long have we waited for that to pan out? Look, San, this is a good chance for us and a good opportunity for me, we can't just throw it away without a second thought.”

“And there it is.” Santana said coldly.

“What are you-”

“This is big talk from a woman who couldn't even read her schedule until senior year.”

Brittany made a small gasp.

“Every step of the way I have carried you and supported you, Brittany. I have guided and helped you. You literally failed every single class one semester do you remember that? You thought you were pregnant because you saw a stork. You are not some world class genius, you're a simple girl, who got lucky and if it weren't for me, you'd still be putting your clothes on backwards.”

There were tears in Brittany’s eyes and Santana somehow ignored them.

“We came out here for my chance and for my opportunity and you seem to have forgotten that. So, go if you want, but you're going to get there and realize how stupid you've been.”

Santana took that moment to turn on her heel, and storm into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Brittany could only look around as if she had whiplash. The sharp words that Santana had thrown at her still stung. One moment they were talking about a promising future, and the next Santana was spitting on everything she'd built and everything they'd built together. A part of her wanted to go after her, get her to explain, talk to her, anything, but a part of her was furious. How dare Santana treat her like that? The one person in her life besides her family that she had always thought she could trust and count on. Her best friend.

Brittany caught the sob before it left her mouth and turned grabbing her keys off the counter. As she raced out the door, she wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks.

\

She was sure a couple of hours would do it. She’d be gone and come back and Santana would have come back to her senses, ready to start the new chapter of their lives together. But a few hours turned into a day, and by the time Monday came along, Santana was still speaking to her in those short, clipped sentences that meant nothing and meant everything.

And she’d meant what she said. There wasn’t really anything in California worth more than the job opportunity. They had their friends, of course, but at the end of it all, if they were together, that’s all that had mattered. But the fact that seemed so obvious to Brittany was one that she wasn’t sure she could make clear. When it was all said and done she could have forgiven Santana’s hurtful words, she could have forgiven the ugliness, she would have forgiven everything if Santana would just agree to go with her. And as the days stretched on, the fights came back in waves and always in different combinations but as much as they both tried there seemed to be a fundamental misunderstanding that no amount of talking (or yelling) could break down. Before long Brittany stopped having excuses when Dr. Wingate called, and she started feeling a distinct discomfort when the phone rang. So, finally, she’d said yes to Dr. Wingate’s job offer, in the hopes that Santana would come to her senses. And a month later, almost to the day, Brittany Pierce left California to move to New York, and for the first time in almost a decade, Santana Lopez wasn’t with her.

#brittana #glee #santana lopez #brittany s. pierce #fanfics #srsly frankie? #yeah #that's my life now i guess