Undying Au- What chapter is this
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“Akko Akoo!” shouted Diana sadly. “No, please, come back!”
But I was too mad.
“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Diana and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.
I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my chestnut brown hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Diana!
“Akko I love you!” she shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then…………….s he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! Her singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .
“OMFG.” I said after she was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Diana’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Croix shouted at us but she stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Blytionbuyry right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.
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We ran happily to Blytoonberry. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Diana thought so, I could totally see her getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Diana was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. PaUl and da parliment!
“Wtf Diana im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”
“What cause we…you know…” she gadgetted uncomfortbli cause girls don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.
“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.
“We won’t do that again.” Diana promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”
“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”
“NO.”she muttered loudly.
“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.
“Akoo! I’m not! Pls come with me!” Sshe fell down to her knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.
I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, she had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!
“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.
Sucy P’oison was standing there. “Hajimemashite gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Hannah that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.”
“It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily.
Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe Hannah will die too.” I said.
“Kawai.” Sucy P’oison shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den Barbara did it with her cause she’s a necphilak.”
“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.
“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with diana tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”
Lotte Go’thic 666 Nightfall Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”
“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
“No.” My head snaped up.
‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “Lotte Go’thic 666 Nightfall are u a PREP?”
“NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near Luna NOova that’s all.”
“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Duana or Diabolo or Vampire(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.
“Chariot.” She sed. “Let me just call our broms.”
“OMFFG Chariot?” I asked quietly.
“Yah I saw the map for blytonbury on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in BLUYTONBURY. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”
“Da real goffs?” Me and Sucy P’oison asked.
“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday Piceis and Finnelan tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”
“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.
“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.
“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” Said Lotte Go’thic 666 Nightfall.
“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.
“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s Akko Chestnut dark’ness dementia TARA way what’s yours?”
“Andrew Habrige.” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”
“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my gf Duana you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Jasminkla flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG AJJO U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!”
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Andbrew gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Jasminka kept shooting at us to cum back 2 LUNA NovA. “WTF NelSon?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Barbara came. Jasminka went away angrily.
“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.
“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Boobra’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
“So r u going 2 da concert wif Diana?” she asked.
“Yah.” I said happily.
“I’m gong with Diabolo (thatz Hannuah).” she anserred happily. Well anyway Duana and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. She was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Diana was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vanss he got from da Warped tower. Lotte Go’thic 666 Nightfall was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Frank but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Frank converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was a peasant now.He gav up noblles. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Diana’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that her mom Berenadete gave her (berfore she died). We did pot, coke and crak. Diana and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed.
Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly NOble man wif Wrinklez and eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Diana. Duana and I came. It was…….Paul and da Nobles!
“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Ajjo, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Diana!”
“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.
Sudenly a gothic old woman flu in on her broomstick. She had lung black hair and a looong black bread. She wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. She shotted a spel and Paul ran away. It was…………………………………Hilberoook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Review: Redlaw, and how NOT to do Fantastic Racism
James Lovegrove is an author whose books I really enjoy — well, at his Sherlock Holmes books. His original stuff, as Redlaw demonstrates, is junk.
The book starts out with a young boy hopping a fence and running from unseen pursuers through a part of the city he's not supposed to be in. Shortly afterwards, we learn this boy is a vampire (called Sunless, with a capital S, in this book), and is running from people who believe him to be a threat. We also learn that Sunless are segregated from human society.
Now, I was really into this concept when I read the first bit of the first chapter, and I would have loved to see a story were vampires were unjustly discriminated against. Sadly, what I actually got was... not good.
Our protagonist is Actually James Redlaw, a tough-talking officer of the Sunless Housing And Something-or-Other called SHADE. Basically, the vampire police. Not as in “police who are vampires”, but “people who police vampires”. He is the tired old gruff cop who never gets along with anybody, and the one partner that could actually stand him was a lady officer who died long before the book began, thanks to Redlaw not being strong enough to protect her or some bull. Despite being talked about so much that I expected her to show up again as a Sunless, lady officer (who I can’t remember the name of) never actually has an impact on the plot, except for the very end.
The actual plot is that half of Parliment (the story is set in London) is trying to eradicate all vampires, as they deem them too dangerous to be among humans, while the other half simply wants to relocate or contain them. The Sunless, I might mention, have absolutely no say in any of this. There is also an organization called PETS; People for the Ethical Treatment of Sunless, a group of young goths that campaign for vampire rights (though they aren’t as bad as the real-life group they’re named after).
Personally, I don’t find it great that humans are campaigning for the rights of vampires, considering that, unlike animals that can’t speak for themselves, they’re sentient and perfectly capable of protesting on their own. Generally, marginalized people are the ones to lead protests for their own rights; humans protesting for vampires is like white people protesting for Civil Rights.
Parliment end up by spiking the cattle blood that they ship in to the Sunless with artificial hormones, making them more violent in order to justify creating Solardome One, a large domed city with an opaque glass roof that all the Sunless are going to be contained in. The dome, however, has the ability to have its opaque roof turned clear, to let in sunlight and incinerate every Sunless. Redlaw catches onto the plan chases down the big bads in time to stop the dome from going opaque, and... literally just leaves all the Sunless inside. He claims to be pro-vampire, but doesn’t spare them a single thought, or even think of asking them, you know, what they want?
The Sunless are discriminated against in this book, because they are inherently dangerous, and can and will kill humans, though most drink cattle blood. I gotta say that this is... not how you do fantasy discrimination.
See, the Sunless are clearly a stand-in for immigrants, particularly ones that are PoC, and the author falls into the pitfall of trying to justify the discrimination.
Sunless are discriminated against because they are undead creatures that leave feces all over their dwelling places, have no regard for their living conditions, and are nearly indistinguishable from feral animals. They drink blood, and often do so from innocent humans, including children, and regularly turn them into Sunless. They are often aggressive, and attack ad kill people who get too close.
Immigrants are discriminated against because they come from countries that are perceived as being “lesser”.
PoC are discriminated against because their skin tones and physical features are different from white people.
Sunless are seen as deserving of life because they used to be people and didn’t ask to be vampires.
PoC are seen as deserving of life because they’re @#$%ing people that have, as a group, done nothing @#$%ing wrong!
Whenever you do racism allegories in fiction, it is doomed from the very start if you say “X group is oppressed because they did something bad at one point/are all an active danger to others”. Racism isn’t logical. It can’t be justified. It boils down to a group in power going “these people are different from me, so they’re inferior.”
Another thing: the Sunless themselves are perfectly fine with living they way they do. None of them, besides the boy at the start, express distaste with their current situation and, subsequently, do nothing to change it. Rather, it’s the humans who decide what’s best for the Sunless, by which they really mean “what’s best for us”, and that is destroying or corralling them in ghettos (yes, the book does call them ghettos).
The one and only good Sunless is Illyria, who joins Redlaw and helps him combat the Parliment. She’s not just any vampire, mind you, but a shtriga - as smart, strong, and beautiful as a vampire from Twilight, with minor powers of hypnosis over “lesser” Sunless and the self-restraint to not drink from humans. Thankfully, there’s no romantic bull between her and Redlaw. All the other Sunless, I must note, are treated as little more than barely-sentient animals, and get very few lines.
Additionally, I want to add that, in addition to the mess above, Redlaw is also rather homphobic and Islamophobic, with a nice dash of antisemitism thrown in. For the Islamophobia, one of the SHADE officers is a Muslim man named Khalid, whom Redlaw openly hates (and the feeling is mutual). Said officer is also misogynistic, with an entire paragraph of the book being about Khalid thinking about how he hates General MacArthur because she wears pants and doesn’t cover her hair, unlike his good Muslim wife. This is stated explicitly and almost word-for-word.
As for the homophobia, it comes in the form of the last few chapters when it’s revealed that MacArthur actually really, REALLY hates the Sunless (which has not been so much as hinted at before this), because they killed the lady officer Redlaw keeps wangsting over. Why? Surprise surprise, MacArthur and the lady officer were in love! Then MacArthur is killed while trying to destroy all the Sunless in Solardome One. So of the two gay characters, one died before the book started, and the other one turns out to be evil (and also gay) at the very end, shortly before dying.
Ugh.
Now. The antisemitism. It comes up only in one line, but the implications of that one line are positively hideous.
After the proceedings for Solardome One are in effect, the pro-Sunless political figure commits suicide, because, as a Jewish person, he feels as though he’s greenlighted a “Final Solution” for the Sunless. I can’t stress how much that is explicitly stated. The author just compared the Sunless - undead monsters who can and will kill humans at the drop of a hat - to Jewish people, who were killed in the millions for simply existing.
In short, Jewish people are being compared to vampires, which is beyond vile for so, so many ways, and all I can do is link this informative little essay that explains why drawing this comparison is so awful (X).
Now, I’m sure this probably wasn’t intentional on the author’s part, but that does not make it any better. In fact, it might make it worse, because Lovegrove clearly did not consider the implications of comparing Jewish people to bloodsucking monsters!
All in all, Redlaw is garbage. The characters aren’t exceptional, have fewer dimensions than a Mobius strip, and almost of them die anyways (except our tough-cop hero title guy). There’s very little to salvage from this book, though I can think about ways to fix the story and the world. Apparently there’s a sequel to it, but, to quote the old meme, I’ve frankly had enough of that guy.
I give Redlaw a 1 out of 5, for having a vaguely okay premise but flushing it down the toilet.
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