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#Painblogging
affectionforpoetry · 9 days ago
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a thin line between
I journey a thin line
smaller than thread
I tip toe along its carcass
playing a tune of steps
god forbid I loose my balance
and fall into a objective
I journey a thin line
smaller than thread
on my left I’m pathetic
I journey a thin line
smaller than threat
on my right I’m devoted
-Jessica Grasser
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pilferingapples · 17 days ago
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dgkdljg
“wow why can’t I focus? why am I so tired? why do my hands keep shaking?”
**eight hours later** 
“OH RIGHT IT’S PAIN, it’s the pain thing, right right right”
all these decades in this lousy non-chromatophore havin’ body, you’d think I’d be onto its BS by now but I GUESS NOT 
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woodruff · 27 days ago
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called to make an appointment with a pain specialist today and when the receptionist asked "since when have you been in pain"
"since always" was apparently the wrong answer 🤣
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trans-cuchulainn · a month ago
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being disabled is fun because you get to sit there with intense pain radiating through the left side of your chest like “is this a heart attack or did i just sublux my shoulder again”
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deathvatch · a month ago
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the fact that theres zero doctors who specifically understand my condition in my province, and almost none on my country, makes me furious ♡ the fact that i know my condition is manageable, but i dont have the TOOLS just makes me. HHHHHHH
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trans-cuchulainn · a month ago
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there's this immediate relief that comes from being horizontal after several consecutive hours of being vertical that I don't know how to explain but is probably a sign that my neck is super fucked up
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deathvatch · 2 months ago
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usually my physical spoons run out before my mental ones (ie, it hurts too much to exist and i have to lie down before i will get, say, tired of drawing) but i have been Pretty Okay painwise this weekend and creating A LOT and i keep getting too tired to continue and being like !!! “no you have to use the Body™ this is a once in a life time opportunity!!” 
but also. being able to just Choose to rest because i am still cool and worthy when i’m not Creating Content...wow <3 genius
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twisted-trunk · 2 months ago
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Pain is Relative
My friends and those who may still need to get the point, pain is relative. What hurts one person may not hurt another and vice versa. BUT they are still in pain and that should be respected; not this “I suffer with [insert condition] and I’m 90, man up,” or “oh, it can’t hurt that much,” or “when I was your age, I broke my ankle while hayin’ and I still finished, stop being lazy,” etc, etc, etc. That also goes for mental illnesses. Why shame us? What’s the point? I understand that the older generations may have been raised with a “toughen up” attitude, but that no longer flies; these are real people with real conditions who need help or an understanding of their limits.
I was mortified to learn that my family thought I was just lying and being lazy when I backed off of doing all these various things because I couldn’t identify what was wrong with me, and what and why I was feeling what I did. Still, even with a way to explain it, some still think I’m just lazy and/or lying.
The impact of not being believed or being brushed off by people close to you hurts on a level I can’t explain, and I’m sorry to anyone else who has gone through this; you deserve better.
4/5/21
To those suffering: I see you; I support you; I love you.
~Rosa ❤️
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deathvatch · 2 months ago
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i should have NOT drawn tonight my arm feels like a bag of loose carpals
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trans-cuchulainn · 2 months ago
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love to put my fucking shoulder out just as my brain was cooperating enough to let me do work, so now i have too much pain and also lack functional use of my right arm
my body REALLY doesn't want me to be at all productive, does it
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affectionforpoetry · 2 months ago
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starving
I search for you in all the wrong places
in the touch of others
and the hatred of my reflection
but nothing feels the way you made it
not even myself
its like you took my parts
every piece I liked
and now im left with your scraps
the pieces you were too full to consume
and I've never been so hungry
hungry for you
hungry for love
hungry for myself 
-Jessica Grasser
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twisted-trunk · 2 months ago
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An Itch
On bad days, I have this itch. Though, it’s not so much an itch as this irrational need.
I hardly want to be me on a good day, but when that horrible feeling sets in, it’s game over.
When I can’t “sleep the pain away” or borderline distract myself, I want to literally claw myself out of my own skin. I can’t stand feeling myself any longer.
I don’t want.
I just don’t want.
I can’t stand.
I just want the feeling to end.
To be gone.
To leave me alone.
I have this desperate need to take my spine and wring it out and stretch it on the rack until that mediaeval device breaks.
To tear. To bleed. To leave it all behind and go away.
3-15-21
To those suffering: I see you; I support you; I love you.
~Rosa ❤️
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twisted-trunk · 2 months ago
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I Am Strong My shoulders are weak and slouched
My back is bent
My mind is spent
I feel like I’m withering
I can’t flip a tractor tire
Or run a lap
The tangible weights, I can’t lift
But you’d never know the insurmountable
Weight I hold nevertheless
I bend under it, yes
But I have not broken
I am strong
There’s no other description
To continue with what I’ve been dealt
3/10/21
To those suffering: I see you; I support you; I love you.
~Rosa ❤️
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twisted-trunk · 2 months ago
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What we need from you
[This is subject to change/be edited.]
Your vague understanding; your I-can’t-empathize-with-your-condition-but-I-respect-your-needs/accommodations; your this-is-different-than-how-I-was-raised/told growing up-but-I-accept-and-love-you-as-you-are; your that-need/accomodation-doesn’t-align-with-my-unprofessional-knowledge-but-I’ll-respect-it
Have some pain-wise decorum. If someone is in a lot of pain and wants that fact acknowledged, fine, go ahead, that’s ok. But what’s not okay is for that person to continuously complain about their pain when they are knowingly around others who are also in a lot of pain, and continue to whine. Especially, if they’re asking those others to do a number of things for them.
We get it, Shannon, arthritis sucks and it’s a horrible thing to have to deal with, but please, please, just shut up already.
Don’t get irritated with us. Not doing something we said “we’re working on” does not translate to us being lazy. We’re trying. We really are. We just can’t. And I promise you that it irritates us a hell of a lot more than you. And we’re beating ourselves up over it.
“Everyone’s a little ___.” NO. People get nervous and fidget and have pain. That’s normal. That’s not disordered or a chronic illness. Again, stubbed toe to shattered leg. Ex: “everyone’s a little OCD.”
If you say something that to you is unimportant or no big deal but someone comes and says that it bothered or triggered them in some way, don’t try to defend it by saying that ‘’well, it doesn’t mean anything.” We get it. We understand that you didn’t mean it that way. However, that does not mean you can disrespect us by continuing to say the thing or saying how we shouldn’t feel whatever way to it. Just, stop it. Don’t disregard our reaction to it.
Don’t tell us what we can and can’t do, or should and shouldn’t do based upon your lack of understanding of a condition. Ex: “oh, don’t park there, you can walk!” Or, “if you were really autistic, you’d fidget more.”
Do not debate someone’s diagnoses with them. If you’re trynna flex whatever knowledge you have, do it somewhere else where it doesn’t involve belittling someone’s very real health condition.
If you do have experience in whatever field the condition pertains to and think something may be amiss, speak to them; tell them you’re concerned and it doesn’t match what you know and encourage them to get a second opinion kindly.
“You don’t look it.” —> No.
“Oh, you have this problem? [insert issue] Well, welcome to the real world.”
Shut.... UP KEN! How bloody self righteous and elevated does a person have to be to completely dismiss another’s experience and insert their own which they know the other person both hasn’t experienced or is able to have gone through just to feel better about themselves? If anything, that person is the immature one in this situation. Grow up. Respect other people’s experiences. There’s no special brownie points for you having gone through a foreclosure, and the other person having crippling anxiety to the point that they broke down even hearing about a lease.
Don’t shame people for doing things. Ex: “oh, look who finally came out of her den,” or “look who finally decided to join us for dinner,” or “look whose awake.” Don’t shame them for doing positive things; it shuts them down for doing either.
“Just don’t be ___.” —> No.
“Just relax.” —> No.
Do not raise “what if’s” with people who are anxious to begin with.
You’re not owed an explanation. For example, you’re out with someone and they do something strange; something you wouldn’t consider “normal.” Maybe it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it just confuses you. That’s ok! You can ask them POLITELY about it. Maybe the person is comfortable and willing to explain to you. Maybe they’re not. Both is ok! If they’re willing to explain, be kind and don’t make a face. It’s probably a tick or a stim of some kind that they HAVE NO CONTROL OF. If they’re not, that’s ok! Don’t press them or alienate them for their tick or stim, they probably have no control over it. Later on, you could even educate yourself! And if you meet up with that person again and they do that same thing, they’re probably going to be more self conscious of it than usual, and if you say “hey, I know that’s what you do, I did some research myself and educated myself, and I understand that while I don’t necessarily know your diagnosis —or claim to diagnose you—I know that’s not something you can control and that’s ok.” It would make a world of difference to them.
It is not a compliment when others like us are insulted. Ex “Your stims aren’t as distracting/annoying/obnoxious as Jonathon’s, I’d never go anywhere with them!”
If someone is taking the time to inform you about something especially able-istic behavior or behavior they, for whatever reason, can’t tolerate or that triggers them, don’t see it as a personal attack! That not only puts the focus of the issue on you and paints you as a victim but also undermines the issue and communicates to the person that you’re set in your ways and there’s no use in trying to talk to you about anything whatsoever.
Ex: “it really upsets me when you keep saying that phrase.”
“I never said that! Don’t you know I love you?! Come on now, you’re smart.”
“No one will love you until you love yourself.” —> No!
Explanation =/= excuse. Stop it.
Don’t food shame anyone! Maybe that pasta is the only thing they eat all day. Maybe they’re having severe cravings that won’t go away (which can be contributed to a number of things).
Depression =/= weak or weak minded. It’s a literal illness.
“All women go through that/ that’s just part of being a woman [or afab/female type body].” No. That’s not only belittling and dismissing their issues but also sending them the message that they’re wrong which is not ok—especially if you’re a healthcare worker.
NONE of these conditions mean lesser intelligence.
My friends, if you have anything to add, don’t hesitate to message me as always!
12/20
To those suffering: I see you; I support you; I love you.
~Rosa ❤️
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deathvatch · 2 months ago
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okay gamers so i errr uh subluxed my wrist . im pretty fucking sure. how bad would it be if i went to work tomorrow. fuck
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