There was a time where I was searching for peace,
searching for freedom, searching for love.
I cried all day, I cried all night.
I prayed for something without knowing what it was.
I prayed, that I will be forgiven by someone
a greater power I didn't believe in,
but I deeply hoped that it exists
so if I don't forgive myself, at least someone, or something,
with all the qualities I liked,
someone who is all loving, forgiving or accepting
would love, forgive and accept me.
At the lowest of my time I decided to it was over,
I was exhausted.
I had nothing to live for.
I had nothing, lost everything I loved doing in the past.
I had no interests now.
Where did that lively soul go?
Will it return?
Out of luck, if it exists, my plans didn't go as I hoped they would go.
I was still here and it revealed itself to me.
It was always there, but I refused to see.
It was always talking to me but I refuse to listen.
It was always touching me on the deepest levels,
and I refuse to feel it.
How could I be so naïve?
How could I ignore the obvious?
How could I blindly look over it?
It has always been right in front of me, everything.
Yet, I had the audacity, the guts to go find excuses that would justify why things are the way they are, or rather, not how I wanted them to be.
I talked all day,
I complained all night.
this cycle repeated itself for the longest time.
There is just one thing I had to do
and that was to fall into silence and keep quiet.
To listen, to see, to feel,
without ears, without eyes, without touch.
- P
44 notes
·
View notes
“She couldn’t hurt me,
but with the mere turn of a finger, I’d drop to my once mighty knee.
She couldn’t bestow a single scratch on me, yet was able to
pose irresistible, burning,
adjourn; distraction
to my chaos; immoral destruction.
Hell, She couldn’t even do anything
except emit me her absence,
Her silence,
Her frown; deadly yet sweet,
which were the worst punishments to a man so dead beat.
I deserved hell, I admit that.
And I’d rightfully go to that demonic prison after death,
I’d bow, lay my life forward, for Her to sway away my last breath,
as one moment away from Her was worse than the aching catastrophe my soul awaits,
if it meant I wouldn’t get to live without kneeling by Her presence.
Oh what I’d give, to have met Her in adolescence;
to live life
entirely
by Her chords,
have Her tug every thought, every string, with her mere words,
that emerged me into a wretched monster
into whatever set forth the slightest peck of Her smile.
She is everything, the kind queen to the most corrupt, vindictive unworthy king.
Send me to hell a thousand times, burn every inch of my body, force me to praise the gods I hate,
but never dare show me a frown on Her face
unless it is slaughter you await.
Because then,
I’d challenge god himself,
I’d ravage the world for wronging Her,
myself.
Every single life of mine, I’d shatter every floor that caused her a falter of her shine,
every mirror that spoke ill to Her,
every soul that dared gaze of Her.
I was in no position to be considered king; pathetic, corrupt, careless, a man due for punishment.
And though I’d never be a king,
She was still my queen,
and during my pathetic stance,
She could restrain my reckless sin with just a glance.
Words cannot describe Her,
paint cannot portray Her,
revenge cannot avenge Her,
and no man worthy of protecting Her with every once of his being, fighting until his body gives away but his soul forever persists,
but me, exists;
foolish nothing that turns into something through Her mere acknowledgement.
I am because of Her.
I will for Her.
I exist solely through Her.
She wasn’t the bane or center of my existence,
She was the anchor to it.
She was it.
I am a being molded of whatever is left of Her.
A villain and the epitome of kindness; in no world are we to be.
In no mind, shall our goals aline;
Hers of spreading love, everything good,
mine of eyes twitching with ruthless revenge, every sin of mine carried a gory stench.
I exhale revenge and inhale Her.
A villain and his unknowing queen; in no life shall I let Her go
from igniting up an impossible shine
in the pitch black heart of mine; She made a home.
She wasn’t the object of my desires, She was what kept me from them; the hushing water to my cruel fires.
And, for the world, that was good.”
— Tomie Yamazaki, Queen To A menace, 2024.
24 notes
·
View notes
3rd life anniversary
there’s a second drawing with TW: Blood
below
//////////////////////////
TW: BLOOOD
also here’s a bonus poem:
4/20/24
Red flower petals soon turn to blood
Is our friendship done?
The blood on my face is stained onto your hands
But you look beautiful anyway, it’s all I look at as I fade into the grains of sand
For I will become apart of the desert
For I will become your worst memories
For I will rot next to cacti
For I will never win
But you my dear, will always win
But in your eyes, it’s such sin
Stay in the desert with me, unless you cannot
Return to life, as I rot
After all, we’re only just trapped in this box
Of blue lines and cursed fate
So let me get this straight
We’re only here from your little, oh little, just tiny, mistake
That you made and sealed the deal
To keep our friendship, to keep your promise
Oh how we both we so dishonest
It was me that was supposed to take your life
For why are you taking mine?
For it is all I can give.
My poppy, live.
41 notes
·
View notes