#Or he may just be feeling lonely ... I mean either way i relate... Hope i at least got across somewhat to him...

[marmaladedcroissant]

Inertia by AJR but it's just Darry having a mental breakdown.

I believe he fully knows he is going to die in Tulsa. He knows he's stuck there. He knows he'll never get the chance to settle down somewhere else. He knows that Pony and Soda and the rest of the gang still have their shots to throw. Soda may have dropped out, but that doesn't mean he can't opt back in. Pony has everything laid out in front of him, ready to be pieced together. "My two legs are broken, yet look at me dance." Darry had his metaphorical legs not only swept out from under him as his parents died, he had them shattered. Every hope of going somewhere else, of doing something better, gone. It left with his parents, buried right beside them in the lonely graveyard, mist nothing but tears from those still living as they mourn their dead.

Darry knows fairly well that he was born in Tulsa, he was raised in Tulsa, and he will *die* in Tulsa. He knows he'll never get out, so he gives everything he has to make sure that everyone else *can* leave, that they can settle down somewhere else, that they can do better than they are currently.

And it probably stings like hell. Seeing the people who are only a year or so, or four in Pony's case, get to do the thing you had wanted since you knew how to want something, probably tears another hole in his heart. Adds another stone to the pile forming on his shoulders.

Weighing him down a little bit more. Until that pressure, that weight, folds him like a cheap plastic chair.

And he has no one to turn to. No one to help him. Simply because he's Superman. Muscles. Everything has to be fine. People expect him to be fine.

They don't expect him to crumble from the inside out. They don't expect to cut open the apple only to find the core missing.

And when they do, they don't know how to act.

So they leave it to the next person. A person that either never shows up, never cares, or simply takes on look at him and either decides he's a lost cause or some kind of charity case.

I understand how people relate to the other characters, or simply like them because they're snarky or funny.

Some people hate Darry because he hit Pony. And I'm not going to justify what he did. It was wrong and there were 100% better ways to go about the situation.

Everyone has their breaking point.

Darry had clearly reached his.

He's only 20. He doesn't know what he's doing. He's had to give up everything already. He's rarely ever allowed to show emotion. He bottles it up.

Those bottles break. It's just a fact. They aren't bags of holding that you can continuously shove full of feelings and watch as they swirl in a void of other repressed emotions.

Those bottles chip and crack.

Those bottles break.

And either Darry sweeps them into a new bottle, or he let's them soak into the dusty, dry pavement that has crumbled beneath his feet.

And he can't do anything to fix it.

So he walks away.

He always has to come back eventually. He has to deal with it eventually. And honestly, I'm terrified of how he could deal with it.

I'm terrified of the lengths he could go to just to ensure that everyone thinks he's fine.

Because that's what's expected of him.

So that's what he does.

He hides his pain. But someone along the line has to piece him back together. And he'll never be the same as before.

He'll never smile the same.

He'll never be as energetic, as caring, as tough. Because after a while, that sandpaper wears down.

#the outsiders #darry curtis #ajr #inertia #ponyboy curtis #dallas winston #two bit mathews #johnny cade #sodapop curtis #steve randle #Rant #Technically a character study of sorts(?) #Please help him #he needs therapy

[choochooboss]

We‘re not even halfway through this comic but I love the atmosphere in it! Getting only brief glimpses at Emmet helps to keep up the suspense of how he’s dealing with being on his own for the first time and how there is an empty space next to him in all the pages so far. Your decision to cut out the exchange between Emmet and the shopkeeper further emphasizes that. Also every page that shows a bit of Emmets face so far it has been mostly in the shadows too. As if the warmth and coziness around him doesn’t seem to reach him…

I am someone that is spending the holidays without their family for a decade now. (I have since moved on from this. There isn’t any real bitterness here so I’m fine and started spending the holidays as happy as possible with likeminded people who don’t have the means to celebrate so we’re celebrating together, sorry for that brief rambling about myself)

What I‘m trying to say is that I totally relate to this comic so far. It’s always a confusing time when the holidays rolls around and you feel as if the joy surrounding you doesn’t really reach you. Again keeping Emmet mostly in the shadows and not showing his face much further shows that as well. I don’t know what the next parts will bring but I’m loving it so far and as someone who can kinda relate to it all its sad to see Emmet on his own and I hope the comic is going to get an outcome that won’t be too sad and lonely…

Either way once again I am so impressed by your work and the attention to detail you put into your work! Thank you for the update and keep up the good work! (But try not to overdo it, take breaks and stay hydrated and remember to stretch enough!)

HNNNGHHH you put these things into words PERFECTLY I am kicking my feet in excitement-!!

Also very sweet of you to share your personal story (and care for my wellbeing, thank you!!). The idea of being able to spend the holidays in a maybe less traditional way, yet still perfectly capturing the meaning of it, is something incredible. So glad you guys have each other and make the effort so you can spend a lovely time!!

Just, wow!! I can feel how you may relate to this series and what Emmet is going through here in your own unique way. I won’t spoil how things will go in this story, but I truly wish our precious twin brothers to have a happy ending!! In any case I hope keep delivering a touching experience!

Thank you so much for your kind words and amazing analysis!! A great pleasure to hear how much thought you’ve also put into these!!

[rin-and-jade]

I have only one other alter. And we are pretty much ambivalent to each other. We don’t hate each other, we don’t particularly like each other either. Due to this, I feel as though I’m faking because alters are supposed to be formed to help, to comfort take care or in the case of a persecutor to cause trouble. But she and me don’t do any of these things to each other. When she front sometimes I come ba k to realize she got me in trouble but it’s never for the express purpose of getting me in trouble. Even in the inner world void, we don’t talk to each other, just sometimes see each other. It’s also very isolating because I feel so left out of system positivity posts, as they’re always about how much their system supports them but I have one other person and she doesn’t like me. I feel like I. An never talk about or be positive about my system in system spaces. It’s lonely. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Am I faking? You don’t have to answer every question I know it’s a lot just any kind of answer would be nice.

My guy, you come here to look for answers, i'm here to do my job by answering any and every questions people give to me,, it doesn't matter if its silly or its unimportant because.. i want to do it for you guys. Also bare with this long explanation, i got to...

When people think of the perfect image of a family or friendship, it all varies but the similarity in general (of how i think) is everything being as functional and as happy as possible all the time, right? I wish, that only exists in fiction sadly. It does not work that way in real life (or to an extent) as not everyone can be friends with each other and thats fine.

I hope you would appreciate me telling my own relationships with others-- i'll give you one,, this one's a secondary keeper, it's a he, so in short he and i are sort of "meh" with each other,, sometimes he gets me in trouble or i get him or others in trouble,, we do not click at all in a discussion or in a debate as we got our own opinions and morals. Does this makes us perfect? No it doesn't. Does it also means we're not doing the things we're supposed to? No, we do our work. Even though it is true that parts are created to be of help, its only half of the truth,, and the even trickier thing is if you don't see things from a different perspective, it will make people assume that the "help" has one definitive meaning and form. This is untrue.

If you think of love, what comes to your mind at first,, is it physical touch like hugs? Maybe being supportive? Attentive? Meeting your emotional needs? Physical needs?? If a guardian love its child, it may not be able to sacrifice time to play together or go somewhere and have fun, be it either too busy working to meet your needs or other problems,, does this means the guardian doesn't love you because not being with you all the time? No. Do you wish it talks with you more? Probably yes. If love can comes in many form, so does with help.

Back to my relation with the secondary keeper, we do not fare well with each other and i BARELY talk to him,, but taking account of his or my actions, mutually agree to work together in solving (because i'd just push him away i couldn't care that much) and keeping an eye out of each other is still a form of help, not what anyone would ask for but needed. Do we go along well? No. But sure we do still have our own ways of being a help. It is alright to have fights, to have enemies, to not know each other despite living in one same body for years-- it is also okay if everyone goes along with each other and barely fight and support each other pretty often,, everyone's dynamic look different, so in conclusion, you are not faking for having it differently.

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #sysblr #janswersask

[lesp1een]

Indulgence. (Undertaker x Goldust)

Request for the sweet @strangedreamlandmagazine !

Thank you for requesting this 💕 I hope you like it even though it came out longer than I thought

Content warning: NSFW

"Thanks for inviting me over, my darling"

The man remained silent. He had sensed a foreign presence in his house by the time he walked in, yet he did not expect to find Goldust in his living room, golden figure splashed on his sofa in the most comfortable way.

He was so stunned he didn't find a way to react. Paul wasn't there. He was the one who did the work, the one who told him what to do, and he would obey.

Paul hated Goldust. To him, he was nothing but an eccentric freak looking for some men to lure.

Undertaker wasn't sure about that. They had spoken before. Goldust was not an evil man. He was simply too much for him. Too much color, too much conversation, too much hedonism.

He could just take him by his long, swan neck and break it, leave him dead on the dark ground of his room. Goldust was a big, strong man, but Undertaker was stronger. He was no human, after all.

However, he was no monster, either. He was nothing everyone thought of him, so he decided to step into the living room, boots creaking under the old, weak wooden floor.

"I brought you some fruit" Goldust told the other, while slipping a grape in his own lips, savouring it. He was ready for the deadman to jump at his throat at any given moment. He was soon to understand that the Undertaker was not as predictable as he seemed, because he did not move a finger towards him. He did not burst out in anger. He sat stiffly on a little armchair, in front of him, and stared.

"I do not need to eat."

Goldust ate another grape, a sly smile on his painted lips. "That does not mean you are incapable of doing it, or does it?"

He knew about Taker's little secret. At first, he thought he was fucking with him just like he did with his audience, making him believe he was actually dead or something like that.

That was until they had their first private moments, after months of Goldust trying to get into the other man's skin to get him close to him. He was touching his chest, adjusting his tie, his shirt, finding any excuse to feel him up, since it was basically impossible to get any clothes off of him, when he discovered that all the rumors were true. His heart was skipping beats. Too many beats… in fact, it was not beating at all.

"I came here to apologize." Goldust broke the sudden silence, looking right at the other for the first time since they had seen each other. "I should have not disrespected you. I was shocked, and that is no excuse for what i did."

He stormed off. As soon as he found out his date was really undead, he was so shocked and scared he ran away from him. Like he was some kind of monster.

"You did what everyone would do." Undertaker was not even looking at him, finding better enjoyment in checking the level of dust on the table beside him.

"Except I know you're no monster."

There was a certainty about those words that made the deadman believe them. Goldust was telling the truth, or at least he really thought what he was saying was true.

He couldn't see him as a monster, he couldn't see him as a freak, because that would mean he would be a freak himself.

They were both strange, they were both feared because they were different, in their own ways. Monsters were unknown, a vague concept of something evil and unrelatable. Undertaker was pretty much there, beating heart or not, and he was the first creature Goldust had ever related to. He was no monster, he was a misunderstood, lonely pretty little thing.

"You are forgiven. You may go, now."

"You have so many books, I never took you as a reader." Goldust was walking through the whole room, attracted by the old, dusty books filling up almost every inch of the place.

After apologizing, he did not leave, and was wandering around, talking about everything and nothing at all, his questions being left unanswered by a silent Undertaker, still sitting on that armchair like he was being held at gunpoint.

The blonde man pulled out a book with a little laugh and threw himself on the couch again. He even brought wine, and forced Taker to take a glass. It was still in his hand, left untouched.

"Oh, you've read this one! It's full of notes. You have such a delightful handwriting, by the way."

He was finding out some really interesting things about the deadman, that day. Like the fact that he had a shelf full of erotic novels like the one he was checking on the sofa.

"Come here, my darling. Come next to me." If he was someone else, he would never dare to call him like that. However, he was no stranger to what the bigger man liked. Praise was something he never expected Undertaker to enjoy, yet everytime he called him lovingly, the big, dark man would turn softer.

He heard a little grunt come from the other side, and giggled softly as he felt his weight on the sofa, right next to him.

"Good." He praised him, and he gently brought the still full glass of wine to his pale lips. "Now indulge."

Undertaker didn't need to drink. He had lost all his mortal needs after his death. He didn't even know if he was still able to get drunk or to enjoy alcohol. It was all new to him, and it was because of Goldust that he was having his first human experiences after so much time.

He had never kissed someone before Goldust. He had never been attracted to anyone before him. He made him feel for the first time, he made him experience human touch and intimacy after years of being cold.

He took a sip of wine, to the other's delight. A grape was brought on his lips by the other man, who was looking at him so lovingly under those long lashes, and he could not refuse, savoring, letting his body feel again. It tasted sweet in his mouth, filled him with a strange enjoyment he never thought he could achieve by eating some fruit and drinking wine. Yet there he was, letting another man feed him grape and sipping on wine.

It was one of those rare moments when Goldust could see the man who was hiding behind that cold, dark persona. He couldn't get enough of him trying new things, of the expressions he made when he found out he liked them.

So close to him, he could see the freckles on his nose, the red roots of his dark hair, his wine stained, glossy lips. He had those piercing green eyes that captivated him.

"You are gorgeous." He lifted up the other's chin a bit to get a good look at his face. Undertaker was everything Goldust loved in a man. He was masculine, he was strong and he was dangerous. He was mysterious, unapproachable, he was a challenge worth taking.

His adulation was left unanswered, his pale date wrapping his lips around another grape, eating it out of Goldust's fingers. It was alluring how he didn't know how much power his beauty had on others.

"No words would suffice to describe how erotic you look, right now, eating out of my hands, getting drunk on wine and vice."

"I am no hedonist." Tone darker, his words sounded like an accusation, that Goldust took with a smile. He was a vicious man, he couldn't deny that statement.

"You sure aren't, deadman. However, you do have your vices." Goldust tapped on the book he was holding on his lap. It was a well bound copy of a Marquis De Sade novel, very well kept despite the age. Undertaker's lips curved into a knowing smile. "You have gotten too comfortable snooping around my belongings."

"Oh, my darling, I'm so glad I have. Or else, how could I have known you were such a degenerate?"

"Sounds like self-projection, to me."

"So we're getting cocky, deadman?"

As much as he was enjoying that playful bickering, Goldust was starting to warm up. His date was dangerously close to him, chest pressing against his shoulder as he spoke to him, hand reaching on his lap to put away the book.

"I have learned a lot about this one, actually."

"Oh, I beg you to tell me about it." His voice was low with desire as he spoke, hoping the deadman would get the innuendo.

The book was put on the table, a now free, gloved hand having access to Goldust's thighs. He felt it make its way under his robe, caress his legs so invitingly, the man opened his thighs, leaving space for his lover to take over.

Undertaker was looking at him with piercing, green eyes as he started to stroke him in between his legs, pushing his palm on that clothed, growing erection.

He grabbed the dark man's shoulder with his hand, squeezing, his head thrown back as he felt a cold palm let itself into his pants to stroke him, the ice cold grip on his hard member making him jump out in pleasure. It was a new sensation, an addictive one, as he moaned sweet nothings, his voice echoing through the room. He was good at it, squeezing his tip enough to let Goldust see stars behind his eyes. Too distracted by his own pleasure, he barely noticed the man removing his purple glove. The thing he noticed well, though, it was that his touch became even colder on his skin as a single, thick finger entered his body, making him jump.

"You are evil." He panted, muscles tensing up, sensations too strong to stand. He wasn't given enough time to get accustomed to all of that. Another finger entered him, and he moved. He thrust them inside him, and it felt like being fucked with ice, the temperature contrast so strong it only intensified the pleasure, making it almost unbearable. "You are an evil man-" his voice broke as Undertaker found that sensitive bundle of nerves inside him. And he felt a cold breath against his neck as the rhythm increased.

"Here we go." The deadman whispered, with a gravelly voice, and he started to fuck the other without any mercy, pushing against his prostate again and again, his arm tensing, his pace rough, until Goldust was moaning messily and crying onto his own painted face. He gripped his lover's hair, to have something to hold on to, and he tried to find the other's mouth, being met with a soft pair of lips, cold as grave, kissing him tenderly as he was being fingered mercilessly, his spine curving to meet those thrusts, to receive more and more, so much he wouldn't be able to take it anymore.

He moaned loudly into Undertaker's mouth, a long tongue caressing his own, teeth biting at his lip, and he was coming hard on the other's fingers, his cock jumping as he splashed his own stomach with come. He was left trembling, those long fingers exiting his body, leaving him empty, head still fuzzy with aftershock.

"You…" he whispered, breathlessly, lips still caressing each other. "I adore you."

He was thrown on the couch, not given enough time to cool off after his orgasm, Undertaker's body casting a shadow over his own as he messily loosened his tie and basically ripped Goldust's robe off his body. He didn't undress himself, only lowering his tight pants to free his erection. Goldust instinctively licked his lips at the sight, and he thought that maybe, another time, he would have loved to feel that on his tongue. His body was turned around by strong hands, his chest pressing against the couch, and he gripped the fabric hard in his fists when Undertaker entered him, hands grabbing his hips as he pushed his cock fully into him with a deep groan. Goldust cried out, feeling himself be stretched wide by the other, and of course he was big, that man had no flaw whatsoever.

A courtain of dark hair fell on Goldust's face as Undertaker started to thrust in him, slowly, deeply, making the other feel every inch of him, filling him up so good he would remember it forever.

"You sure know what rigor mortis is." Goldust panted out, and Undertaker took it as an incentive to fuck him hard enough to shut his mouth. He was surprised with a strong thrust that hit his already abused prostate, making him writhe and cry out onto the couch. A hand grabbed his head and pushed it down, forcing Goldust still as Undertaker started to fuck him hard, making him scream, making him drool in pleasure and stain the fabric with makeup and tears. He was a mess. He lost control over things, and was enjoying every second of it. Undertaker was so big he could split him in half, and he was doing it, Goldust unable to do anything but cry until he came again, and again, the man above him not stopping for a minute. He was fucked on his back, pushed against the table, bottle of wine crashing on the floor, his legs unable to stand on their own, hips bruised by the other's grip. He was sure his makeup was now completely gone, washed out by tears and spit and Undertaker's lips. His lover's face was a mess too. He had black marks on his mouth and golden dust staining his pale face.

"I can't do this anymore." He pleaded, his body aching, his head spinning with so much pleasure he thought he was gonna die at any moment.

"Only one more. You can do it."

No, no he could not. Or so he thought, before Undertaker was fucking him again, this time deep and passionate, slower, a hand pressing Goldust's wrists above his head to keep him still. Behind blurry eyes, he saw and heard his lover moan his name low, before furrowing his brows, expression tensing, body spasming against Goldust's hips, and he felt ice shoot deep inside his body. He held the man tight in his arms, and came weakly for the fourth time, only little drops of come leaving his weakened body.

He was breathless, unable to move, and he waited for Undertaker to lift him up carefully and place his tired body on the sofa. He was caressed tenderly until he regained full consciousness, looking up at his lover, head rested against his still chest.

"You passed out. Are you okay?" He could hear worry in Undertaker's tone as he spoke, hand still stroking his back.

"I'm feeling fantastic, my darling." he smiled, trying to assure his lover. "It was just intense."

Undertaker looked over at his own living room, red wine splashed all over the carpet, a broken bottle on the floor. "Yes, it was… Sorry."

"Do not ever apologize for being intense again. I enjoy that a lot actually." Goldust chuckled, and he kissed the other softly.

"For the love of God, Undertaker! What happened here?" Paul screamed with his usual high-pitched voice, his protégé sitting quietly, back hunched as he was being scolded, hair completely covering his face. "I'm sorry."

"Since when have you started to drink alcohol?"

"I found it in the kitchen. I'm gonna clean it off, now."

"You better do! Oh, you've become unmanageable!" As Paul stormed out of the living room, face red with rage, Undertaker raised his head, and felt a little pang of excitement run through his skin, warming him up. He was lucky Paul didn't notice those lipstick stains on his face.

It would be his little secret. It would be their little secret.

#wwf #wwe #goldust #undertaker #goldust x taker #smut #writing #writing request

[golbrocklovely]

What makes you think she will be in another trip or video? sure shes still close to sam and kat but he seems to barely tolerate her when around and that tiktok he did with her, clearly he was drunk based on other stuff posted during that time…i see it as him realizing that unfortunately shes stuck being kat and brennens gf’s friend so she may be around group gatherings, however 4some trips where the other two split off and shes left with him and therefore flirty drunken content ensues is long over… i just dont see that anymore…my issue really is her because its on the verge of being obsessive where anything he likes or does that may have some connection back to her, she automatically likes or glorifies which makes people follow…or she’ll lie and claim she picked out certain things like his costume…her tag is all him and barely any her and kat…her bday sure its the same day as his but there was a good hour or two that night where she was online liking anything and only things that had both of them in it, it honestly (and im not being sarcastic) concerned me, she makes mlp look sane…theres a pattern now of things she does to get her numbers up and it involves him always…for his sake I genuinely hope she calms it down and doesnt use him further seeing as she’s befriending more and more from his inner circle…I dont get how more people dont have an issue with this NOW because when she first started doing it back when she was blond she got called out and now its like people forgot or erased it from their heads and use it to ship them instead…she used to promise content involving them too..shes been like this for a while way before her 2022 move..

well, clearly sam and kat like her enough, and colby tolerates her enough, that she most likely will be in another video. i'll be extremely surprised if she's not in at least one video this coming year. realistically she is still their friend, and that is enough to have someone on their channel. on top of that she's still close enough to kat that most likely if snc do their whole "we gotta go somewhere and we're taking kat too", stas will come along just for the ride and so kat isn't lonely, since that was the whole reason she started being with them in the first place. not to mention, a lot of fans still see them as the core four so to completely exile her like that, i just don't see snc and kat doing.

the thing with colby is that he doesn't like to rock the boat, even if it would benefit him. that's why he tries his best to stay out of drama. that's why he allows friends to use him and treat him like shit until he can't no longer. it would be too much to ask for respect in his mind, and i don't understand why he's like that, but that's just what he's like. clearly stas did something at some point after the europe trip to piss him off just enough for him to be done with her, even if for a small while. that reverberated thru kat and sam too. and then once the waters were calm, she was allowed back in. and while she's kept her distance for the most part, she's still in the group, even if just slightly.

and like you noted, her getting closer and closer to his other friends means she ain't leaving either. but i do think he was able to kind of…. put her in her place, or at least let the general friend group know "hey, i get we're all on good terms again, but that doesn't mean i have to hang out with her just bc yall are" with her and his bday.

granted there was other stuff going on (assumingly) so it's hard to say it was just her that made him do what he did. i also don't personally believe that was his sole reason for not being there.

this is probably where i differ from some of you guys. and bc we don't agree, don't feel like i'm denying what you feel or think you're wrong, this is just a different opinion than yours: personally, i don't think a lot of the connections yall see are related back to colby when stas does some of the shit she does. sure, there definitely are some compelling things that stick out that clearly are related to colby (or assumingly have to be about him bc who else could it be) but i truly don't believe everything she does is her a) trying to start drama or b) are about colby.

the other main issue is that some of you guys (not saying you in particular, anon. just some of the other anons i get) focus WAY TOO MUCH on her. i've said it before and i'll say it again: stop giving her attention. we've all come to the consensus that she likes attention…. why are we still giving it to her?? sure, i follow her, but even then not really. i see her tweets occasionally, MAYBE see a post from her on insta when i go on, but in reality, that's it. i don't really engage with her anymore. i get told via anons what happened or what she did recently. the most recent time i paid attention to her is colby's bday and that was kinda it.

she doesn't win when we ignore her. so… it's kinda best that we start really doing that. stop worrying about her being weird to colby, bc he clearly either doesn't care or doesn't notice. and it's not our job to watch out for him or to feel disrespected on his behalf. he's grown enough to ice her out if he wants to.

#ask #personal #tc4

[noroi1000]

Helloo!! Would it be okay if I request a match up please? Not sure if you're still accepting

I'm female, bisexual with a male preference, brown eyes with chest lengthed baby pink hair, 5"2 and plus sized. I go back and forth between being confident about my body type to insecure a lot 🥺

I'm an INFP and my ennegram is 6w5. I am a very anxious person and will probably fuss over the little things. I am in fact the "don't eff with me or else I'll cry" person. I would say I am a mostly reserved person and I find a hard time relating to people. My reservation comes from the fact that I'm an awkward person and can't hold small talk for the life of me.

Others who have gotten to know me though, have told me I'm very charming, a jokester and bubbly. I feel like I portray that type of personality when I'm either really comfortable with the people I'm around or its because I'm trying to keep piece and stray away from feeling awkward.

I really like my alone time and am very comfortable spending time with myself. I can spent days upon days not talking to anyone and be fine with it. At some point though, I do get lonely and then I become very clingy with friends 😅 They don't necessarily have to talk to me, I just need them to be with me. Even if it means we sit in silence in person or muted in a call on discord the entire time. Their presence is enough, but the clingy part is that they'll have to keep me company for like 5hrs.

I romanticize things a lot. Maybe its because I appreciate the little things in life and like to celebrate the little things or maybe its because I don't have much going for me. Romanticize in the sense like I could have just bought bread from a bakery or made myself a cup of tea but that'll be the highlight of my entire day.

In terms of hobbies, I read a lot, daydream and embroider. I like to hang out with friends but I get socially fatigued often! So my golden rule to keep myself from socially burning out is 1 friend outing every 2-3 weeks.

Sorry it was long! Wanted to give you enough to work with! Thank you!

a/n: Hope it's good 🥺💕

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup is:

Even if several things in your behavior contradict each other, I think it will be him.

He is a calm person. But it is also, in a way. Mostly he is stoic. But his restless nature manifests itself when something pisses him off or annoys him. There are many such things. So he is half calm and half anxious. Even though he is mostly calm. People who know him longer know that this man gets pissed off easily.

Nanami is not a complete perfectionist. But he likes to have order. Neat appearance, styled hair and clothes. He also likes to have order in what he is supposed to do. He will take care of the smallest detail to finish everything and enjoy the moment when he can rest from everything. Besides, he hates working. There is always a chance that something will be extended and he may have to stay there longer than he wanted. So even if he cares about details and small things, sometimes it won't do any good.

He has a sense of responsibility. When he knows he is an adult here and needs to take care of someone, he will do it. No matter what happens, he will do everything to ensure that nothing happens to the other person. Even if he could die or whatever. He just didn't want anyone to be constantly scared. He preferred to know that someone relied on him and trusted him. But if anyone has anything if Nanami failed, he won't complain.

He just doesn't have a lot of friends. People may even be afraid to approach him because he hardly ever smiles. This could be terrible for someone. Plus, he is never able to start a "We have a nice weather today" conversation. Such pointless starting a conversation is nothing normal for him. There is no point in talking about anything that comes to mind. So he would rather talk to someone about a topic and not change it that very quickly.

People feel awkward with him. It is difficult to get to know him, it is difficult to read his emotions. Because he often looks bored. However, he is just calm. He may be a little bored with his life. But he's just calm. Somehow he has never gotten used to wasting his energy on something he doesn't feel like doing.

Besides, he can smile and joke. All he needs is the right person for it. And also the right moment. It is enough for him to feel comfortable.

His dream is a small house in a quiet place. Where he could be alone. Live in peace and stop worrying about the lives of others. He would like to live alone. But also without the people around him, one can easily go crazy. So he could use a friend too. Or someone even closer. Especially if it is a person similar to him in some way.

Even differences can be obscured by other feelings.

Headcanon:

• I see his romantic things as something small. He definitely won't be buying you a big luxury home for every birthday. A little trinket as a gift. Even though it has to mean it won't be pretty. It is important that you will like it.

• He doesn't have much to offer either. Even if he has the money, he doesn't relate to it at all. He really prefers a quiet and possibly poor life. Even with money, he won't want to overdo everything he has in the house. Simple room decorations and furniture. Nothing more.

• For him it is a very nice move to buy something that may be of use to you. Even if it's something to eat. You can eat it together and enjoy the moment together. Even such a small thing will show him that you care about him. No matter what it will be. You can even buy bread. It is also a sign for him. You don't ignore your common needs. For example, that you can make a meal of this bread together. Besides, just knowing that you are bothering to buy or make something for him is enough.

He also loves bread. So you can show him that you know his tastes. Fresh bread from the bakery. Soft on the inside and crispy on the outside. Additionally, still warm. This is his favorite start to the day. Plus a cup of coffee. And also a person to spend the morning with and enjoy.

And it doesn't matter that you both can do nothing else all day long.

• He would never look at someone in appearance. He doesn't pay attention to it. The only thing is that you are not the kind of person who dresses too flashy. (Or wears hardly any clothes at all). He has the greatest respect for someone else's body and would not humiliate someone for it. But he has no influence on other people.

However, he would very much like you to feel confident in your body. 'Cause if he tells you you're beautiful, that's what it is. And don't deny it.

• He had dreams. To buy a house in a quiet place and read all the books he has never read before. One of his favorite activities is reading. Newspapers or books. Anything he likes. But probably nothing to do with his job. In his free time, he would definitely like to take a break from something like that.

If you agree to be with him at this point, he will rest even if he has to think about work. Lie on your thighs or hold you close to his chest.

• He likes that your hobbies are not extreme. Peaceful and interesting.

• If you want to go out with your friends somewhere, that's fine. He will be waiting for you at home. Your exits may be so rare that he would never want to spoil it for you. Therefore, he will be waiting for you. Then he makes you dinner or prepares anything for you. You may be tired, but you will also be happy.

The most important thing for him is that you feel happy.

"You're beautiful. And I never want to know that you can think differently. Be as confident as I am sure that you are perfect" *Kisses you on the forehead *

"I made you tea and food. And I also cut a teddy bear out of the bread you bought. Anything to show you that you are just as sweet. I love you."

#jjk nanami #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk x you #anime matchup #jujutsu kaisen matchups #jjk headcanons #jjk x y/n #nanami x reader #nanami kento #Nanami matchup

[justcahttingtothevoidcat]

Enjoy the Bumble Bee's

I had the urge to write again

I have a wee bit of anxiety sitting with me tonight, it's now August the 11th in the wee hours, actually it's the witching hour 12:35pm. Don't let the Americans fool you, it is traditionally midnight that's the witching hour because it's the time in-between the two days, between today and tomorrow, or yesterday and today depending on which side of the clock you are sitting on.

I saw an article about the Persied meteor shower it's peeking on Saturday, I so often miss them, I do remember seeing Hallie Bop's commit, but that was much easier to see.

I had a brief conversation with my singing teacher (who has many professional hats) and friend Petra about the looming energy crisis. She has very similar views to myself and mum, I mentioned how folk fiddling with energy meters and opening their chimneys to burn things for fuel may lead to a big rise in house fires, never mind the thrusting of millions more people into absolute poverty, the amount of houses that may be damaged due to damp and burst pipes.

Of course none of this is necessary, not even in the money isn't real way but in the we don't need to let people make this much money on the backs and lives of other people. However we have a Conservative government and have had for 12 years now so no sense or decency reigns.

I can not wait to get out of this union and back into Europe.

We are actually in the middle of a heatwave (again), France is on fire (again, or rather still) and so the climate crisis carries on at pace. It can all feel so bleak, I had a conversation with my friend Rowann and she simply can't bear to keep up with it all, in fact she has a slight phobia of her phone in general and I know she is not alone, many do, it's part of the curse of living in the social media age that many feel.

I can't imagine how much harder it is to grow up now, make one mistake and it's online forever, revenge porn, feuds within your community or indeed family, so much misinformation. I mean Polio is making a comeback!!! Polio, a disease that was thought of as something of the 1950's and it's not alone, rickets and measles and mumps too all because 1 quack doctor made up some shit about the vaccines relating to Autism in the 1990s.

I've also had a discussion with the solicitor about doing my power of attorney and my will, both are very important but do you want to know the sad thing, I don't have anyone but mum to put down as an executor. I could ask Rowann but that feels like I would be placing a burden on to her, I have no immediate family, I don't really know my cousins at all, I'm the youngest of the 4 of us and my friends all ran when I was mentally ill as a teen or disabled as an adult. I can assure you I cried for hours over the whole thing, when mum dies I will have no one, I'm on the Asexual scale so I haven't invested time seeking a partner and although I would like a family I have enough trouble keeping myself in one piece with the hEDS and now constant migraines, of the latter I am hoping it was a drug side-effect that will go now I have stopped the drugs but who knows man.

So yes, I feel like I am going to be very alone in this world, just me and the ghosts and I don't really think it's a world I want to live in, one where I am so lonely but to be honest I don't think about it at all really it stays locked away in my brain so I can enjoy my life as it is now. I had the box opened the other day and my god did it hurt, mind you I did have an interesting chat with the Solicitor about Aqaumation which he hadn't heard of before, not that we have that option in Scotland yet, or human composting. I would do either as long as I could have a grave stone, I want people to know I existed even if it only lasts a few hundred years.

Still, I keep myself busy with keeping an eye on politics and world news and I have been researching a bit about different funeral practices, particularly those in NOLA with what are now called Jazz funerals, although they predate Jazz, as I have some lovely Halloween skeletal musician ornaments that I picked up in T K Maxx and I wanted to add them to my theme of Dias de los muertos. A nod to the global celebrations that occur with both Hallow'Een and death in general. I always try to go for appreciation rather than appropriation so I do check my sources and do some reading on the topics.

I got to go to Leven groove park on Wednesday, which was lovely, it was hot but not too hot and I so love trees and parks and just a good walk through nature, it keeps me somewhat sane. The cats got out today which keeps us sane and they do enjoy being in the garden, I very much don't believe in letting cats roam though, house cats are the way of it. People used to throw dogs out the door too, although that's long been abandoned thankfully, now we need to keep our cats in, for their safety and the local ecology too.

It's astonishing how the mind changes as an adult the days are long but the months fly by and it never fails to trip me out. I will be planning Xmas soon.

One of mum's friends who is a doctor too, I don't remember if she is also a Psychiatrist or if she's a GP had said she was asked to pen a piece on positive mental health and was asking her friends what they would suggest, mum said there was the normal diet and exercise tripe that you see so she added "Take time to enjoy the Bumble Bees" and I quite agree, with all the things going on in the world it's important but even if we didn't live in such "Interesting Times" it's as important.

So many people are caught up in Materialism and Lookism and the diet and exercise and be a good little worker stuff that they forget they share a world with Bumble Bee's and worse still, don't recognise how lucky we are that we do.

I don't know if they have Bumblies in the void but I hope if anyone else ever reads this rambling that you appreciate them, as well as the clouds and the wildflowers and whatever other little wonders that exist in your small part of the world.

Signing out now cat, I have a book to read before bed. Simple pleasures eh, good night to all those in the void.

[mrfoox]

'you're nice, you came'

'of course I did, if you want to talk about anything I'm here, if you want to you can just message me about it too'

#... Thought he either cried or was close to crying 5 times but #I cant read peoples minds but if they tell me what they want from me I'll be there if im able #Fabian never really says much but even so i could feel he wasnt good #Wish i could help everyone but i can barely help the ones i try to help .... #Could always make a comment on how i havent learned to rely on people and should more but .... Suffering in silence has been my thing befor #I even started school at 6... Easier to just try to be there for others #Have a hunch on what Fabi is ... Depressed about and i... I mean hes both coming to the right and wrong person #Think hes feeling bad about not knowing what to do about his future and work and so on... And like... Yeah same but ... I am in a diffrent #Type of boat compared to you so my advice wouldn't be awesome ): #I love roo but hes also... Kinda been telling him he needs to be constantly finding work and stuff to do or he'll be left behind #And like... At one hand yes but like... If he's anxious already about that sorta stuff ... 🤷‍♂️ #Or he may just be feeling lonely ... I mean either way i relate... Hope i at least got across somewhat to him... #I am bad at being helpful but i try to say that i am there for friends ... I feel bittersweet he came to me to talk when he was down #Glad he did because i dont want him to be alone but also... Feel like i didnf really help... #Also feel like im just prying into people when i ask them questions about it... #Like im sorry but... If you dont tell me or explain whats wrong my help is very limited ): #The boys #Fabian is a good boy but i also feel he doesnt open up to anyone or have anyone he share bad things with... #My tags are messed up but this is me emptying my head so it's fine dont mind me #Fabian

[weirdsht]

One Chance - orv x reader

a/n: I want to try and learn how to write in more detail so here's me trying it out with a short orv oneshot. pls let me know how i can improve!

Warnings: none i think

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it

Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333

A Reader's Reader (pt. 2)

Navigation

Masterlist

Wary is evident. It’s so obvious that everyone around you is on guard. You can’t really blame them. If you were in their place you would’ve probably run far away from yourself. Like who wouldn’t be cautious of someone who randomly appeared and claimed they know the oldest dream.

“Are you also the oldest dream’s puppet?”

Yoo Jonghyuk already has his hand on the scabbard in his waist. Same thing can be said with Han Sooyung and Kim Dokja. All of them were ready to unsheathe their swords and attack. Even though you can understand the reason behind their actions, it doesn’t make you any less scared.

“No, no, that title is unique to you and only you. Take it as a complement, it takes a lot to be god’s favorite afterall” 

Maybe you should’ve raised  your hands sooner as it made them lessen their guard. Jonghyuk was still growing though. He most probably doesn't know why being the oldest dream’s puppet is a great thing.

“Hmm well believe what you want to believe. Either way when you get past the  final scenario I’ll be waiting for all of you”

“You won’t be joining us in clearing the scenarios? We don’t accept deadweights you know”

Han Sooyung’s words made you sighed. It’s not that you don’t want to help them. You actually want to get them to the last scenario and further beyond immediately but you have to reserve yourself.

‘Everything needs to go smoothly… I can’t let it be like the novel, I can’t do that to them’

“Don’t worry I won’t be deadweight. Hmm how do i explain this? Well let’s just say that after this you won’t see me until we get past the last scenario. I promise I mean no harm though, you’ll understand when you get there, especially the demon king of salvation.”

“Where will you be in the meantime then? How can you be so sure that we won’t meet?”

It took you a while to answer. You don’t know how to answer them without paying the consequences. Anything probably related can’t happen to you directly before the final scenario.

“Let’s just say my situation is a bit unique. Afterall I am the oldest deam’s dearest friend”

Laughing it off is the only thing you can do. Kim Dokja’s Company can’t understand what you're saying. Well it’s not like you can explain anything even if you want to. The best thing you can do is help Dokja by tweaking the library and his copy of TWSA.

As you look up in the sky you can see that your time is running out. You need to go back before he wakes up or he’ll be even more lonely. Still this is a rare chance you can see Kim Dokja, you can’t just let this chance go.

“My time is running out, I have to go back soon…

I just-

Please excuse my improperness but I’ve always wanted to do this”

You feel Dokja tense up as you wrap your hands around him. You were right, no matter what you say or do this current Dokja won’t be able to remember you. It’s better this way though, it will lessen your heartache later on.

The hug is full of warmth. Even though Dokja was sure he hadn't met you before, the hug feels so familiar. As is he felt this particular warmth before.

“This will be troublesome because I need to save probability for later but I don’t think it would hurt to tell you this much. Afterall I love you too much to not give you a bit of assurance hehe”

Dokja confused face turned into shock after the next words you utter out.

“I may not be TLS123 but I hope my small revisions and meddling with the wall can help you

Remember, just do what you think is right, don’t mind the probability too much especially now that you have two modifiers

You may not see or feel me but I’ll be doing everything I can to make everything go your way”

Sorrowful smile, one filled with both sadness and longing. That was the last thing Dokja saw before you disappeared from his embrace. There’s a lot of things Dokja needs to think about. Especially now that the final scenario is right around the corner. Your words left a lot of weight on him. Yet at the same time he feels lighter, as if he can overcome whatevers waiting for him beyond the scenarios.

But he still can’t focus. Even after his companions checked up on him he could only answer with a nod. He needs to prepare a lot of things but you’re the only thing he can think of.

You and that smile of yours that he thinks he's seen before.

#orv #omnicient reader's view point #orv kim dokja #kim dokja #orv yoo joonghyuk #yoo joonghyuk #han sooyoung #orv han sooyoung #orv x reader #orv fic

[mysticalrambling]

Ending It All Part 2 (C.E)

A/N: Here you go guys. Much awaited part 2 is here. I am so in love with this particular fan fiction and hope you guys like it. If you want me to write any blurbs related to this series, do let me know.I am open to requests.

._._._._._.

Part 1 

Chris Evans Fan fiction (Fan fiction Masterlist)

Summary: Chris regrets divorcing you and he tries to mend the relationship. However, you have already moved on with Tom Hiddleston and are quite happy. He has to just stand back while you and your children become closer to Tom and it is all his fault.

Warnings: Angst all the way.

._._._._._.

“Coming in?” Chris turned his face towards you with a questioning look in his eyes.

“No, I have some work. Just wanted to drop the kids off myself.” Your ex husband’s house was on your way so you just saved him a trip.

“Not even for coffee, darling?”

“Sorry but I will have to say no.” You still got flustered when he called you with nicknames. You had once decided to tell him to stop calling you with all these terms of endearment but you couldn’t build up the courage to do it.

It has been over a year since your divorce and the moment you think you are over him, he is right there to bring those feelings back. You were a mess when he moved out and you had to see him on the weekends for the kids. It looked like you were drowning and you couldn’t come up for fresh air. It was exhausting but after several months, it didn’t hurt that much. It didn’t feel like your heart was tearing into shreds. You felt numb but that was better than feeling like your heart was being ripped out of your chest.

“That’s fine. See you Sunday?”

These were the only few sentences that were spoken between the two of you since the divorce. This was your new normal and you were starting to adjust to it. “Yeah, bye.”

“Who wants pancakes?” Sighing, he turned around and asked in a fake, cheerful voice. He didn’t get to be disappointed. These were the the seeds that he sow and he had to reap the results.

“I do.” A collective chorus came from the living room as they had already started to play with Dodger. Dodger was adopted from a shelter home about two weeks into the divorce. Loneliness was a destructive force and Chris hadn’t come to that realization until he was sitting in his home at eight, all alone. No laughter, no mess, no companionship. He went out that day and got a new dog. The apartment was eating him alive because it was a reminder of his ‘new life’. More like his ruined life.

“Daddy, you goin’ to be there for my match?” Jace looked up at his father and hoped that he wasn’t going to say no. There have been too many occasions this past year where he was not there for his children like Easter or Mia’s first day of school. He was either too busy with his career or he couldn’t bear to be with his family knowing that he wouldn’t be going home with them. He wasn’t strong enough to handle that truth.

“I’ll be there but I have work afterwards so I can only be there for half time.” The apologetic tone was all too familiar to the kids now so they just stayed quiet.

Chris noticed their disappointed look and continued, “When I get back, we’ll go to Disneyland for the whole weekend.”

“Mommy and Tommy will be going as well?”

Stopping in between making the pancakes, he asked with a venom laced tone, “Tommy who, Jace?”

“Mommy’s new friend. We like him.” Your son continued petting the dog without realizing the damage he is doing to his father. “New friend” was always a code for boyfriend and Chris didn’t know what to do with that information.

He knew that you had gone on a few dates with Tom Hiddleston because of the paparazzi. But he didn’t know that you both were serious. Your kids knew about him so it was pretty damn serious.

“He won’t be going with us.” Speaking with finality, he resumed cooking. You were his and that was not going to change. He knew he was being unfair but when it came to you, he lost all rationality.

“But he is our new dad.” Mia whined from her place and Chris just looked at her with a wounded look. His babygirl was putting someone else in his place.

His voice boomed throughout the house and both the kids looked at him with tears in their widened eyes, “I’m your only dad. Don’t you ever say that.”

“‘m sorry, daddy. Didn’t mean to make you mad.” Her chin wobbled and Chris was quick to realize his mistake. It was not your children’s fault. It was not your fault. It was his fault.

“Not your fault, baby. But you only have one daddy and that’s me.” Kissing her forehead, he wiped the single tear that managed to escape her blue eyes.

“’kay.” The kids got distracted again but Chris did not forget. He was still seething from the inside because Tom may have taken you away from him but he damn well couldn’t take his children.

They all get ice cream afterwards and the kids fall asleep in their rooms that Chris built from scratch. It was a lengthy process because he just kept remembering the times when he decorated their nursery with you. Such a beautiful memory and he was ruining it. The guilt ate him up inside when he realized that he may not get to ever decorate a nursery for your children again. He may not get to expand his family with you again. Again, it was his fault.

“Sorry, ‘m late. Work was hectic today.” Everything was so busy today because your boss signed up a new contract and he has been impossible to work with. You just wanted to go home and sleep for the whole week.

“It’s okay. They’re sleepin’ upstairs. Listen, we need to talk.” He was too consumed by anger and hurt to notice that you were too exhausted for everything.

“Go on.” You urged him, figuring that he might say that he won’t be able to make it to your son’s match. This was what most of your conversations were based on; him saying that he is too busy to be present at occasions related to your children.

“Why are my children referring to your boyfriend as dad?” He nothing but spat that sentence.

“I- I didn’t know about any of this. I’ll talk to them.” Stuttering, you tried to mediate the situation but nothing seemed to get through to him at the moment.

“No need. I already did that but for next time, keep your boyfriends away from my children.”

“Our children and I don’t let anyone near my children. We are serious.” You were offended by his crude tone and you weren’t just going to let him walk all over you.

“You can’t be serious with him. As a matter of fact, you can’t be serious with anyone.” Your ex husband declared it like it was a law. He didn’t know how to react to what you said. All the pain was converted into anger because that was his current form of expression.

“Are you serious?” This was all too much for you to handle. How could he say that?

“Yes. You only belong with me. I regret it so much (Y/N).” Chris’s expressions told you where he was going.

“Oh, stop. You can’t just do that. Can’t come bargin’ in my life and mess it all up again. I am happy.”

Chris reached out his hand but you took a step back. He was not allowed to touch you anymore. “I was mistaken. My career is not above you, darlin’. Never was.”

“You made me feel worthless. You made me feel as if I was the reason our marriage ended. Won’t allow myself to get sucked back into this relationship.”

“I know I broke our family. I tore us apart and didn’t even apologize for it properly. I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” There was a stream of tears running down his face and you wanted to wipe them away but you resisted.

There were still times when you wished that you were still happily married to Chris. That you still had your perfect, little family. The divorce made you feel worthless and lonely. There were times when you couldn’t even look at your children because they were the exact replica of your ex husband. You once adored the fact that they were his carbon copy. However, now you couldn’t help but get angry. How could he leave little pieces of himself behind and think that you could move on with your life.

It was all because you were with another man. He never said all these things when you were alone and you suffered from depression. There were days when you couldn’t get out of bed to get your kids ready for school. You knew that Jace had informed him because he was really worried about you and he always shared his troubling thoughts with Chris. But he didn’t do anything about it. He stayed quiet and you had to pull all the pieces back together yourself. It was all tape and glue. Your ex husband didn’t get to come back and dismantle your progress. You wouldn’t let him.

“You can’t do this. Can’t come back. I am with Tom now so stop trying to fix things that you already broke.” Your face was red with anger and all the energy was drained out of your body.

“Please, just give me a chance.”

“No!” You couldn’t choose Chris again. You had to choose yourself. You chose to think about your needs and your feelings for the first time in seven years. That’s why you agreed to go on a date with Tom. He surpassed your expectations the first time and you knew that he could be your partner. No one could compare to Chris but Tom made his own place in your heart and you were glad about it. You continued on, “Tom is good for me so please don’t ruin my happiness again.”

Tom was great. He was good with the kids and he was slowly becoming an integral part of your life. You still missed Chris because that man was the love of your life for seven years and those feelings can’t just disappear with a single piece of paper. You were glad to have Tom in your life and you knew that as time would pass, you will love him with your whole heart. However, a small part of you would never forget Chris and would always wonder about the what ifs. What if you were still together? What if you had more children? What it you got to grow old together? Broken dreams are what hurts the most.

“I don’t want to be a cause of that. Not again. But I want to make things right.” He unintentionally came closer to you, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Sorry I wasn’t there for our kids. Sorry that I broke you, baby.”

“A sorry doesn’t fix anything.” His chest was hallowing from inside out but he didn’t want to back down. Not now. Not ever.

“Just answer one question for me. Are you truly happy?” A tremble was prominent in his voice but you tried to ignore it.

“I-I am. For a long time, I wasn’t but I am now.” You spoke with such conviction that he knew you were over him.

You would always love Chris but now it was time for you to move on with your life. It was time to leave the past and delve into the future. Chris would always own a piece of your heart but you are going to allow Tom to have an opportunity as well. You will open your heart again to love. You were sure now.

“Okay. I will get the kids for you.” He backed off like he promised he would. You knew at that moment that it was all over.

Watching you drive away with his kids was heart breaking for him and he just watched helplessly. Chris still wanted to cry, beg and apologize. He wanted you to take him back but it was all his fault. He ruined you once, he couldn’t do it again. He couldn’t interrupt your new life. It doesn’t all revolve around him but he was okay to remain on the sidelines while you enjoy your life. He will be there for you if you needed him.

You are happy and that should be enough for him but he wants to be selfish again. He wants to fight for you but it’s all too late. You were with someone else. He lost his chance.

Wednesday rolled in pretty quickly and Chris dreaded going to the match. You were going to be there with your new boyfriend but he didn’t want to miss his son’s game. He could only be there till half time already so it wouldn’t be that awkward.

“I just wanted to be here for Jace. Won’t cause any problems.” Chris took a seat beside Mia when he saw you shifting uncomfortably. The seat that should have belonged to him was currently being occupied by your boyfriend but Chris just bottled up all his feelings. It was not right to still think of you as his wife.

“It’s okay. Let’s just forget about everything.” You wanted to move on and did not want anything to hold you back.

“Okay. Mia, you want Kit Kat?” Offering her a large chocolate bar, he started talking with his daughter so that he could distract himself from you and Tom.

“What is happening, love?” Tom questioned when he saw that his former co-star did not even glance at him properly.

Chris and Tom were not the best of buds but they were still good acquaintances. He thought that dating you wouldn’t be a problem because Scarlett had informed him that Chris was the one who asked for divorce. However, this situation made him realize that Chris was jealous. He still had feelings for you and Tom didn’t know how to react to that.

“Nothing of importance. Let’s just focus on my baby boy.” Saying that, you cheered for Jace as he made his first goal. He was an exceptional player like his father and you knew that he would pursue football as his career. Jace was really passionate about football. If Chris didn’t become an actor then he would have definitely tried out for football.

There were times when he used to take you to the park so you would play with him. It was your thing. Maybe he had replaced you with someone by now as well but what you didn’t know was that Chris had stopped playing football altogether. Like many things in his life, it reminded him of you and it was just too much to bear.

“You are doing great, buddy.”Jace immediately asked Chris to pick him up as you gave him his Captain America water bottle. It was half time and Chris had to leave for shooting. He was getting late but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Thank you, mommy. Ollie doesn’t listen to me that much so coach is angry at him.” Babbling on, he rested his head on his father’s shoulder.

“Okay, buddy. I have to leave now but I will call you when your game is finished.”

“Won’t be going with us to Chick-fil-A?”

“Uhh-” He cluelessly glanced at you because he didn’t know what his son was talking about.

“I wanted to give him a treat after the match.” Tom butted into the conversation to prove that he was a part of the kid’s lives as well.

Chris could have actually made it to the restaurant because he would be free in an hour tops. However, he decided against it. He had to take a step back for you. Of course, he would be there for his children but Tom should be given a fair chance as well.

“I won’t be able to make it buddy. You enjoy with Mommy and Tom. I’ll take you and Mia to Disneyland this weekend as I promised.”

“Okay, daddy. Love you.”

“Love you too, baby.” Giving him to you, he turned to leave. It was hard for him to do this but it had to be done. Chris wiped his eyes discreetly as he saw you all laughing together. This was his fault and he would have to bear the consequences.

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

._._._._._.

A/N: This story had me in tears from the very start. I cried when I was writing it. Again, I am open to blurbs for this series and other requests. Tell me if you want to be added to my tag list.

Tag list: @peculiarpenman, @kalopsia-flaneur, @justile, @iguessweallcrazyithinktho, @jessyballet, @caanyoonmoon, @coldmuffinpartycloud, @marvelfansworld, @agnesk, @lauracontisstuff, @deepintothenature, @xcaptain-winterx, @nostxlgia18, @sophiaedits , @luckyladycreator2, @mrspeacem1nusone

Like, comment and reblog.

P.S. If you want blurbs and epilogue related to this series, please send in requests. I will need some ideas.

._._._._._.

#rachelleblodgettwrites #my writing #tv shows #wattpad #chris evans #chris evans fic #chris evans fluff #chris evans angst #chris evans x reader #chris evans x wife!reader #chris evans x kids #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x you #dad chris evans #steve rogers x y/n #andy barber angst #andy barber x female reader #captain america #mcu #my imagination

[diavolosthots]

This got really long so i put it under a cut and I'm totally going backward with this series but i cant help myself. I HAVE to start with my husband. Most of these are my own headcanons but please read the warning.

Warning: some of these are confirmed in lessons/devilgrams. If you dont want spoilers, don't read the ones in red. (Also Note: I remember reading all of these either in the game or on the official wiki page but I could not find all the in-game sources if you asked me to. Still, they are tagged as spoilers.)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾DIAVOLO Life Headcanons☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Diavolo’s dad, the Demon King (whom I Headcanon to be named Daemon. I could write headcanons on that guy too?? Lemme know what you guys want) loved Diavolo’s mom dearly and Diavolo was thus a product of pure love, not necessarily just to have an heir. That’s just a bonus. 

Sadly Diavolo’s mom died in childbirth, leaving only the Demon King and Barbatos to take care of him. 

This caused the King to begin resenting his son and Daemon grew cold. Barbatos was, more often than not, the one who took care of little Diavolo, although Diavolo tried desperately to win his dad’s affections, never truly understanding why his father would hate him. 

Diavolo was a rambunctious child and caused a lot of trouble, much to his father’s dismay, and he found himself in trouble a lot. 

On top of that, Diavolo is also highly emotional and it wasn’t until much later that he learned that tears won’t get him anywhere. Barbatos used to give him sweets and tea every time he cried, which was a lot thanks to his dad.

Although the butler did stop this at some point, that’s definitely where Diavolo’s love for tea came from

Barbatos is definitely, and has always been, someone he confided in, and he found it hard to view him as nothing but a ‘servant’, per his dad. It’s not even that his father hated Barbatos or thought of him as lesser than, he just didn’t like that Diavolo confided more in him than anyone else. 

Diavolo definitely had a rebellious phase as he grew up. The mixture of his absent-father’s non-existent love and the responsibilities put on his shoulders from a very young age got too much for him at some point and let’s just say…. Diavolo had a lot of ‘oopsies’ in his ‘teenage’ years. 

If you know, you know. They are no longer among the living. R.I.P. 

People used Diavolo a lot because of this, though. The lack of care and love at home caused a young Diavolo to be naive and trust too easily, getting hurt in the process

Which is why Barbatos now has a torture chamber for the enemies of Diavolo (or people who just want/use him for the wrong reasons)

When Diavolo didn’t try to escape the castle for some love, he found comfort in art and unbeknownst to both his father and anyone else working at the castle, Barbatos helped him build a mini art gallery up in one of the towers where Diavolo still goes for some relaxation or just to think. 

A lot of people backstabbed him as he grew up and even he himself backstabbed a lot of people as well. At some point he saw the hurt he caused and decided to never lie again, and now he’s always telling the truth, albeit he can beat around the bush a lot, and knows for certain when someone else is lying to him. 

At some point, his father forbade him to treat Barbatos as more than a trusted servant and that pretty much solidified his dislike, not hatred, for his father. 

As he grew up into the man he is now, he started to see his dad as more of an authoritarian ruler that works for his own political gain rather than the well being of everyone. The Devildom was never in shambles, or anything, but one could feel a clear hierarchy and there was definitely tension with the other two realms 

His father was actually the one is (somewhat, if not fully) started the war against heaven (not to be confused with the celestial war that the brothers were part of)

Now, he never hated his father, truly. To a certain extent, he actually understood why his father was the way he was. He lost his beloved wife for a son he had to grow a new relationship with. Diavolo never thought his father hated him, either, but one could tell that their relationship was filled with grief, heartache, and even a sense of regret. 

Diavolo never blamed his father, though, and as he grew older, he took certain aspects of his father’s character into his own: loyalty, ambition, and honesty. 

That’s why his father stepped down, but not fully since Diavolo hasn’t been crowned yet. The Demon King is tired; tired of pushing through the days, and Diavolo understands. 

The situation with his parents is also the reason why Diavolo refuses to settle down so easily. He’s scared of both A.) trusting the wrong people again, like he had many times before, and B.) of having the same fate as his father and mother. 

That and Barbatos is highly protective of him lol Good luck getting past the butler if you want to be with the future King. 

One of the main reasons Diavolo keeps up the naive and himbo attitude is also because he never got to be a kid. His father pushed him straight into royal life once he was old enough to comprehend things. 

This does not mean, though, that Diavolo is actually a himbo. He’s quite intelligent and there’s a reason for everything he does. 

Diavolo doesn’t believe in coincidences and is a firm believer in fate; that everything happens as it should and for a reason (A/N: homie is a determinist and that lowkey makes me happy lol)

That’s why he’s perfectly fine taking his time and doing his thing. He likes to have a certain sense of control, of course, but not to the extent that Lucifer does. He’s cool going with the flow as well. 

Speaking of Lucifer, the reason he views him as a best friend and even family is because Diavolo believes he can relate to the absence of a father that’s supposed to be there no matter what

That and because Lucifer is brutally honest. He doesn’t take Diavolo for granted and he certainly doesn’t want Diavolo around for the riches and fame. Diavolo appreciates that a lot. 

Diavolo gets along with pretty much everyone; he’s very adaptable because he has to be. However, that doesn’t necessarily make him an extrovert. As a matter of fact, he’s actually more of an introvert and likes to keep to himself or with a limited group of close friends

Speaking of friends, Diavolo doesn’t have a lot, if any, outside of the brothers and Barbatos. It’s hard to know who to trust when so many people just want to use him or rob him, even strip him of his title. 

Diavolo is very lonely, as a matter of fact, and he hopes, prays even, that he could find a bond with someone, anyone, like Lucifer shares with his brothers. In a sense, he may even be jealous of the seven. 

Although his life was less than peachy, even if he did have everything anyone could ever wish for, Diavolo craves true emotional connections, which is why he clings to Barbatos and Lucifer. 

This, however, doesn’t mean he is helpless. He’s very much an independent, intelligent, and ambitious man, and he is excited for the future, whatever it may hold. 

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #cheys headcanons #obey me lord diavolo #shall we date diavolo #om! diavolo #obey me diavolo #diavolo obey me #obey me diavolo x reader

[gammija]

The final Web!Martin evidence list

Now that canon is done, and we’ve got word of god confirmation that Web!Martin wasn’t complete nonsense, I decided to go back to my lil chronological evidence list and actually clean it up a bit, delete parts that in hindsight weren't all that indicative, and put everything in a slightly more readable format. (Obligatory disclaimer that i don’t and never did believe or advocate for some kind of evil web!martin, and that I'm not intending to connect a moral judgement to martin (or anyone else for that matter) having some of these traits)

So here: The (hopefully, please) final list with Web!Martin Evidence! Presented in order of importance, according to. me

The final (hopefully) Web!Martin evidence list

(In order from most to least obvious)

Spiders

I mean, it’s called the Web. TMA reiterates quite a few times that Martin liked spiders. Sometimes it IS that easy.

MAG022: Martin: "I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute -"

MAG038: | Sasha: "A spider?" Jon: "Yeah. I tried to kill it…" [...] Sasha: [Chuckles] "Well, I won’t tell Martin." Jon: "Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem."

MAG059: Jon: "I have done my best to prevent Martin reading this statement in too much detail. I have no interest in having another argument about spiders."

MAG079: Jon: "Apparently, biologically, his account of the spiders doesn’t make any sense according to Martin."

MAG197: Martin: “What? Because I like spiders? Well, used to.”

Lies and subterfuge

Martin is able to use lying and subterfuge to achieve his goals, and is called manipulative a few times.

Lies:

MAG022: Martin: "[He] became slightly more co-operative after I lied to him and told him that one of the upstairs residents had buzzed me in."

MAG056: Martin: "I lied on my CV."

MAG158: Peter: “But you said –” Martin: “Honestly, I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear.”

MAG164: Jon: "You – I actually believed you!"

MAG189: Martin: “Sorry. Sorry, John. Not sure how much everything up there actually understood what was going on. But, y’know, I didn’t want to take any chances so it made sense to… um…” Jon: “Put on a show?” Martin: “Yeah, basically, more or less.”

MAG191: Martin: "That's not true." Arun: "Liar!"

Subterfuge:

The plan in 118, which revolved around convincing Elias that Martin was only “acting out”, to create a distraction for Melanie. (Also compare the way he evades giving a straight answer here with the way Annabelle talks in 196.)

Working with Peter in s4 under false pretenses, to distract him from Jon and eventually try to learn what Peter wanted.

Manipulation accusations:

These, I know, are somewhat contentious, since it’s mostly villains saying this to him. I’m still including them, since

1): From a media analysis standpoint, being mentioned 3 times is a sign to pay attention, even when it may not be the full truth.

2): I only see it as describing Martin’s behaviour in the previous points, not as a moral judgement; Especially since he almost always ‘manipulates’ people in positions of power over him.

Still, if it bothers anyone, feel free to ignore these.

MAG138: Martin: "That’s it? No, no monologue, no mind games? You love manipulating people!" Elias: "That makes two of us."

MAG186: Martin: “I can be a real manipulative prick, you know that?” Also Martin: “Oh yeah.”

MAG196: Annabelle: “Because you always managed to get what you wanted through smiles and shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.” [SMALL SOUND OF MARTIN’S CONCESSION TO THE POINT] Martin: “Point taken.”

The Lonely/the Web

The Lonely and the Web sometimes affect Martin to similar degrees.

In season 3, when Martin is getting used to reading statements for the first time, most of them leave him emotionally affected: MAG084, MAG088, MAG090,

MAG095: Martin: “S-S-Statement… done.” [HEAVY BREATHING & TREMBLING AS MARTIN STEADIES HIMSELF] “I don’t like recording these. There. I-I said it.”,

MAG098: Martin: [Panting] “End of statement.” [Deep breath] “I, um, I think I might need to sit down. Oh. Yeah, I am. Right. I don’t, uh, I’m not really sure if these are actually getting easier or harder. I mean I don’t feel –”

Only the last two statements he reads are remarkably easier. This might be a hint that Martin is just getting used to reading them, but the quote from MAG098 seems to contradict that. Either way, it’s likely not a coincidence that those last two happen to be the Lonely and the Web:

MAG108: Martin: “Statement ends.” (exhale) “That wasn’t so bad…”

MAG110: Martin: “Statement ends.” [...] “I mean, I think it sounds like a Jurgen Leitner book. About spiders. Hm. Good John didn’t have to read this one, anyway. I know he’s not a fan. Although, this one wasn’t too bad, actually! I – yeah. Anyway.”

In season 5, there are two powers’ Domains that actually affected Martin mentally, as opposed to only physically: the Lonely’s, in 170 (and arguably 186), and, depending on your interpretation, in 172, when Martin went exploring without knowing why he did so.

Proximity

Martin investigates a lot of the Web statements during season 1 to 3 (in other words, when the archive team still researches statements). The only ones he isn’t mentioned in during this period are MAG019 and MAG020, when he’s being harrassed by worms, and MAG081, which Jon records by himself outside of the institute.

Most notably, he’s the one who discovered the statement in MAG114, ‘Cracked Foundations’, which is the one statement in the entire show that sets up the interdimensional properties of HTR.

The Web!Lighter passed through Martin's hands first, before he gave it to Jon.

Similarly, Annabelle mostly spoke to Martin in season 5, despite most other Avatars usually focusing on Jon.

Aesthetics

Apart from the above obviously Web related areas, there are some other aesthetics which are mentioned in connection to both the Web and Martin, throughout canon.

These are describing the Web;

These are describing Martin.

Tapes:

Martin is the only character to treat the tape recorders as friends - any other character is either indifferent, or treats them as enemies.

MAG039: Martin: "I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm."

MAG154 Martin: “Oh. Hi. Hello again.” … (small laugh) “Sorry pal, false alarm this time.”

MAG156 Martin: “Mm? Oh.” [HE LAUGHS, GENTLY.] “Yeah. (rustling paper) I was going to read one. Hate for you to miss it!” [SHORT, FORCED LAUGH, AS HE FLAPS THE STATEMENT AROUND.]

MAG170 Martin: “Oh. Oh, hello. What’s this? Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just – listening? That’s okay. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

MAG190 Jon: "[The tapes] seem to like [Martin]."

Retro:

MAG069: Statement: “I only saw Annabelle Cane once during this period. She wasn’t hard to pick out. She dressed like a vintage clothing store exploded on her, and her short bleach-blonde hair stood out sharply against dark skin.”

MAG160: Jon: “Anyways, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.” Martin: “It – might. Maybe.”

MAG163: Annabelle/the Web callying Martin via an old payphone: [ A PHONE RINGS. IT’S NOT THE TINNY, ELECTRONIC SOUND OF A CELLPHONE – NO, THIS IS A TRUE, HEAVY, CLASSIC RING.] Martin: “Uh. John? Uh, J, John – the, uh, payphone that’s – here, for some reason – it’s ringing?”

Hatred of burns:

MAG067: Jack Barnabas’ statement: “I looked up and noticed within the corner of the room, where there had been a spider’s web this morning, there was just a faint wisp of smoke.” “Another held a bag that seemed to be full of candles, while a third had a clear plastic container filled with hundreds of tiny spiders.”

MAG139: Statement by member of Cult of the Lightless Flame: “The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand; all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.” Agnes burned down Hilltop Road.

MAG145: The Web ties Gertrude to Agnes, stopping the Desolation’s ritual (the only Power whose ritual the Web is known to have prevented).

MAG167: Gertrude enlists Agnes’/the Desolation’s help in order to burn her assistant Emma, who was Web aligned.

MAG169: Martin: "Look, I just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever. [...] I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!"

Phrasing:

MAG039: Martin: "I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. [...] It's just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think."

MAG079: Martin's poem: "The threads of people walking, living, lovi–"

MAG117: Martin: "This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web. Oh, oh, Christ, I hope John doesn’t actually listen to these. “Good lord, is Martin becoming some sort of spider person?” No, John, it’s an expression, chill out! Besides, spiders are fine. I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies."

MAG167: Jon: “Methinks the Spider dost protest too much.” Martin: “Jon –” Jon: “Joking! Just joking.”

Personality:

How applicable these are depends heavily on how you interpret Martin's own personality, so your mileage may vary.

MAG008: Statement: “Nobody ever said a word against Raymond himself, though, who was by all accounts a kind and gentle soul [...]”

MAG123: Jon: "The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves."

MAG147: Annabelles statement: "I discovered a deep and enduring talent inside myself for lying. [...] My manipulations were not intricate, but they were far beyond what was expected of a child my age, and I have always believed that the key to manipulating people is to ensure that they always under- or overestimate you. Never reveal your true abilities or plans."

Word of God and Annabelle

I kinda wanted to ‘prove’ that Web!Martin had quite a bit of evidence to back it up, hence this header being last. But of course, in this post-canon world, there are a few lines that most obviously confirm the theory:

MAG197: Martin is Web enough to be able to read the 'vibrations', like Annabelle, and see Jon and Basira (the latter being especially notable, as he hadn't known she was there beforehand): [CHITTERING, BUZZING AND HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS CHANGE CADENCE] Martin: "Wait… Wait, hang on, is that him?" Annabelle: "Yes. I guess you’re better with the Web than we thought." Martin: "And – Wait, ha– No, uh… is that… Basira? He – He’s got Basira with him!" Annabelle: "Yes."

Season 5 Q&A part 2: Jonny: “Essentially, it was fascinating looking at the fandom and, like, the Web!Martin believers, because what they were doing was correctly picking up on hints dropped in the early seasons that were later, like, not exactly abandoned, but it was much more like, ‘Well, no, he does have like aspects of The Web to him, but he is moreover The Lonely.’ And that came about very… very organically, really. Because throughout Season 3 and going into Season 4, we had this conversation and we were like, ‘No, actually he's like-” Alex: “‘It can't be, it cannot be, it must be the other way round’ Yeah.”

(Note that they say “throughout season 3 and going into season 4,” which likely means that season 1, season 2, and at least part of season 3, aka half of the entire show, were written with Web!Martin as an intentional possibility.)

If you read all that, thanks so much! Obviously, Web!Martin never really came to fruition, so it's fine if you still don't like it. This is just a post explaining where it was coming from, at least for me and the other theorists I've spoken to.

#the magnus archives #magnus archives #tma #tma s5 #web!martin #web martin #webmartin #or as jonny called it: #spider!martin #tma theory #tma meta #martin blackwood #martin k blackwood #martin #tma martin #magnuspod #i feel like i say this every time too but #when i say martin lies a lot i dont mean that #in comparison to 'normal people' #i mean that in canon he gets specifically mentioned to lie; at a higher rate than the other protagonists #ditto for everything else. im not speaking about real life people who might have these traits. im doing a media analysis #my own real life bedroom curtains being blue dont mean im depressed but in media sometimes aesthetic themes can be deeper signifiers #and tma especially has some very strong aesthetic themes #ok i think im done talking now. webmartin theories always get me rambling #EDIT: oops i changed a part on mobile and now the formatting is a bit fucked #ill fix it back tomorrow #if anyone cares #EDIT EDIT: ok fixed it

[helion-ism]

I’m here to talk about lucien and his nameless mother today 🥲

first of all: she deserves better, she deserves to survive beron and this series. and she deserves to be with the man she still loves. ☀️

now, what I think is terribly sad is the fact that in the entire series so far, lucien has not talked about his mother at all. he talked about beron, he talked about his brothers, but not about his mother. I can’t even imagine how lonely and sad he must feel to not be able to see her, talk to her, ask her for advice, to help her …

he hasn’t seen her or been able to speak to her in gods know how long. rhys says:

Little Lucien. You certainly gave them something to talk about when you switched to Spring. Such a sad thing, to see your lovely mother in perpetual mourning over losing you.

(“switched to spring” he says as if he had much of a choice) what we get from this is the obvious: the lady of autumn loves and misses her son — to this day (which is not surprising). under the mountain, the lady of autumn proves that by placing herself in danger by helping feyre (“For giving her your name in place of my son’s life,” she said, her voice as sweet as sun-warmed apples.)

then rhys threatens lucien’s mother:

Rhysand’s venom-coated smile grew. “You draw blood from me, Lucien, and you’ll learn how quickly Amarantha’s whore can make the entire Autumn Court bleed. Especially its darling Lady.”

lucien's reaction:

The color leached from Lucien’s face, but he held his ground.

I don’t know what was going on in his mind at that point. he regarded rhys as a villain at the beginning of the series, saw him as somebody who could fulfill the promises he made easily and without guilt or remorse. lucien has not been talking about his mother, but in this scene, it’s clear he loves her and he is protective of her.

growing up, he must have had a close relationship to his mother, being the youngest child but also the secrets that came with his birth. whether beron knows or doesn’t, the lady of autumn must have always kept him close to her to ensure that nothing happens to him — maybe even with the help of eris. it is likely that his mother pushed him to do a lot of the things he tells feyre about in acowar: studying mroe than his brothers and educating himself thoroughly, training as long as he wanted, learning about the land and the people.

my own little theory is that the lady of autumn encouraged him to do all that because she had hope that one day, she could tell lucien and helion about their relation and in her own way, she could help prepare her son for the role of heir of the day court and help him develop into an intelligent, kind, skillful, and caring man.

it’s awful that lucien never speaks of her, but it might be too painful for him. especially knowing she is still imprisoned at the autumn court. in acomaf, rhys says:

“Little Lucien,” Rhys purred. “Didn’t the Lady of the Autumn Court ever tell you that when a woman says no, she means it?”

“Prick,” Lucien snarled, storming past his sentinels, but not daring to touch his weapons. “You filthy, whoring prick.“

lucien knows exactly what kind of man beron is. he knows him because he was raised by him. he knows him because it is very likely his mother often protected and shielded little lucien from beron and took the punishment for him. given rhys’s remark about saying no, I think some of us might imagine what rhys is referring to exactly — and understand why lucien reacts the way he does. and even helion says:

“They say the lady was all brightness and smiles before that. And after Beron was through with her … You saw what she is.”

in the end, they never reunite — at least not until this point in the story. and I really really hope we get to see lucien finally hug his mother and see her happy — maybe just once.

The Lady of Autumn’s favorite son—not only from Lucien’s goodness. But because he was the child she’d dreamed of having … with the male she undoubtedly loved.

I don’t know how awful life must be for her, how much pain she has had to endure because of the man she is married to. but I think we all do know that if there was one thing she could wish for, it would be to either talk to lucien and find out how he is doing, who his friends are, what is happening with his mate, and so on. or she would simply wish him to be in safety forever. she is definitely the kind of woman (and mother) who always puts her children first. feyre says lucien is her favourite son. it may be true. but I think she loves all of her children, no matter how vile they are. she did end up choosing to stay with beron even though she knew lucien and her would have a better life with beron. but she didn’t — maybe to avoid a war, but probably because of her other children who were still at the autumn court. I don’t know, but I hope we’ll find out more about her, I hope we get to see a wholesome reunion scene with her and lucien, and I hope we’ll finally find out her name.

#lady of autumn #lucien vanserra #helion spell cleaver #helion x lady of autumn #mp

[appleflavoredkitkats]

Analysis of the “Fundy’s Mind” Stream: A Showcase of Repressed Memories and Repressed Insecurities

i. INTRODUCTION

Hi! This is going to be… something. Funny how I focus on this rather than my research homework, but I have a MASSIVE Fundy brain rot right now and I’d love to share my thoughts on Fundy’s newest stream. Fair warning, I am not the Messiah, so don’t take everything as fact. I’m open to constructive and objective discussions in replies or in DM’s, so feel free to hmu!

All of this is /dsmp and /rp by the way!

Heavy trigger warnings for derealization, parental neglect, neglect in general, self-deprecation, self-neglect, low self-esteem, death, manipulation, abandonment, loneliness, trust issues, torture mention, blood mention, and broken friendships.

Word Count: Approximately 10k.

ii. PRE-LIVESTREAM ASPECTS

Before we begin deep diving into the mind of Fundy, I do want to emphasize two major themes of this stream: 1.) Fundy’s insecurities, especially when it comes to abandonment and trust, and 2.) Fundy’s future predicting abilities. A ton (but not all) of statements uttered by the books and Fundy himself tend to have double meanings that apply to both of these themes. 

We can further discuss the future predicting powers later, but to give a little background on Fundy’s insecurities: Fundy is notorious for heavily depending his self-worth on the recognition other people give him. Despite his immaturity, a lot of Fundy’s character is rooted in being heavily underestimated. This could be observed during the Pet Wars when his safety was constantly being threatened by Sapnap, inevitably making him lose a duel against him. Another way we can see this is through Wilbur’s early treatment of Fundy where he constantly infantilized him because Wilbur believed Fundy was a child incapable of being independent. This caused Fundy to appeal a lot to any type of compliment from any person- it began with Quackity ensuring him that he will gift him a lot of cookies if he votes SWAG2020, then to Schlatt complimenting him to the point that Fundy almost gave up on spying and siding with Pogtopia, then to the Butcher Army where he unhesitantly followed Tubbo and Quackity’s lead no matter how many times they made fun of him. While he revels in any type of recognition given, oftentimes, those who seem to care for Fundy tend to leave after he grows attached to them; first with Wilbur, then Niki, then Schlatt, then Eret and Phil, then Tubbo, Ranboo, and Quackity. In the Dream SMP, Fundy is very lonely and has dealt with abandonment issues left and right, but typically, he never does anything with his loneliness, as the last time he lashed out against someone who left him, nothing positive really came out of it (this is when he got mad at Ghostbur). 

(Everything else is under the cut! I worked so hard on this, so please read it if you can, it’d mean a lot!)

So, with all that laid out, I want you to keep this all in mind as it is important for understanding why Fundy feels the way he does in the stream.

Now, let’s begin the analysis. First off, I believe it is important to denote the title and the tags of the stream. The stream is titled “Fundy’s Mind”, so we have to denote that this isn’t merely a dream sequence- the stream is meant to explore the complexity of Fundy’s mind. This includes his thoughts, insecurities, repressed memories, and so on and so forth. Additionally, the stream is tagged “Permadeath”, something different from what Fundy typically tags his streams. There is no clear explanation as to what this could mean, but the possibilities are:

It is hinting that the death system in the Dream SMP could be rigged, and someone is messing with the semantics of death and how it works.

It is hinting that someone will face a permanent death, and most fingers are pointed at Fundy as this is his stream. If not a permanent death, he might at least lose one of his canon lives which was hinted later on in the stream (will discuss later).

It is hinting that he was killed by the end of the dream. Not really a solid theory as we don’t actually know the repercussions of killing someone who is actively dreaming, but it is a possibility.

iii. PROLOGUE

A thing to question at the beginning of the stream is if the entire introduction was part of the dream or not. Seeing how Fundy has the same inventory from this to the next scene, it is plausible, but I don’t think it provides anything if it were a dream. 

Anyway, other things to denote are Fundy’s hotbar! First noticeable thing would be the 38 baked potatoes. The website angelnumber.org explains that 38 means:

“The combination of these two numbers makes the number 38 a number which signifies joy and optimism, courage, finding creative ways to materialize abundance, reality, etc.

The essence of the number 38 in numerology are different kind of relationships, such as romantic ones, business partnerships, teamwork, cooperation, diplomacy, etc.

Number 38 people have a talent for dealing with people in a caring and creative way. They are born team-workers. They need interaction with other people to fully enjoy their lives. They are usually optimistic and have a gift of inspiring others to action.”

So far, the number 38 is viewed to be positive. It signifies financial success and cooperativeness, which is interesting if Fundy’s future arc potentially ties to working with Quackity. To further add onto symbolisms regarding success, dreamastromeanings.com says the following:

“If you dreamed of baking or roasting potatoes, that dream is a good sign. It usually indicates your finances increasing over time.

Possibly you have made some investments and now you are beginning to reap the fruits of your efforts and risky activities.”

or,

“If you dreamed of holding a potato in your hand, that dream is a bit of a warning. You might soon receive some lucrative opportunity, possibly work related.

It is advisable to think fast and accept it because you might not get a second chance.

It could also indicate that you are a bit lazy when it comes to taking chances and missing opportunities because of that.”

Both explanations refer to business opportunities and possible investments. If we combine both the explanation for the number 38 and carrying potatoes, we can assume that Fundy will be receiving a business opportunity that would be too good to miss. These explanations also imply that nothing too negative would occur, but instead, Fundy can achieve success through this business opportunity. The only arcs in the Dream SMP which I think could provide a business opportunity would either be 1.) a new warden at the prison, 2.) new member at Snowchester (low odds), but the most likely occurrence would be 3.) Quackity offers him a position at Las Nevadas. With the Quackity smiley face at the end of Fundy’s stream, we can safely believe that the job opportunity at Las Nevadas would be the most likely occurrence.

Another explanation for this is that because the 38 potatoes were brought from the seemingly real world, it could possibly pertain to something that had already happened in the past. This could possibly allude to L’Manberg, especially when the explanations behind 38 potatoes are presented to be more positive, something the current Las Nevadas arc isn’t.

Second thing to notice about the hotbar: Fundy is currently at level 5, with his EXP bar 1/18 filled. To reach level 5, one has to gain 55 EXP, and to reach level 6, one would need to gain an extra 17 EXP. If the bar is merely 1/18 filled, 1/18 of 17 would be 0.94, which when rounded off, is 1. Add 1 to the extra 55, and we would approximately get 56 EXP. The website angelnumber.org says the following:

“The number 56 symbolizes teamwork, coexistence, family, relationships, adventure and expression of freedom.

Number 56 people have diverse interests, some of which they have an in-depth knowledge of and some just general understanding.

They try different approaches in relationships, trying to keep them alive. If everything they’ve tried fails, they simply walk to another relationship.”

This could mean a lot of things. The second sentence could imply that Fundy doesn’t fully comprehend the complexity of his mind. Some parts, he may understand, some, he does not at all. This could imply that there are also more secrets hiding in his mind that we couldn’t get to see. The third sentence is more interesting as Fundy’s entire character arc involves him and his broken relationships with other people. It’s a quite accurate description of Fundy, describing how he desperately tries anything to make a relationship work, and if it fails, he could easily befriend other people even if there is a possibility that that relationship would fail like the previous. 

If we ignore the number of EXP, we can merely focus on the number 5, which means the following:

“When angels are sending you number 5, they want to encourage you to have hope and to be ready to accept all the changes that are coming. Also, if number 5 has appeared just at the moment when you have been thinking about something important in your life, this number could be the answer or the solution for your problems. You should pay attention to number 5 and think of its secret meanings.

If number 5 keeps appearing by your side, it means that changes are already happening in your life. If they have not happened yet, don’t worry. They are on the way and you will feel them in the next couple of days or weeks.”

This can be connected to both the EXP number and the stream as a whole as Fundy begins to accept the gravity of his abandonment issues instead of suppressing his negative feelings towards it. Throughout the stream, Fundy is shown rejecting the idea that he is being neglected by others, but by the second half of the stream, he rejects it less and less. This could be the change the explanation is referring to as Fundy realizing his negative feelings towards his abandonment issues are valid and he needs to take them more seriously rather than brushing them aside. 

With number symbolisms finally aside, we can begin analyzing the actual sequences! Fundy is seen to be approaching his “Not A Secret” Base with a sigh, asking chat if they can go to sleep so that he can go to sleep too. Fundy immediately doubts the possibility of the others in the server following through his request until Ranboo responds with a simple “okay” while Niki responds with “yiss, am asleep”. Fundy quickly flashes the members list on the screen, showing us that only Niki and Ranboo are online on the server before he showcases his new bed, claiming that he likes it.

Two interesting notes about this: 1.) he decides to sleep, which is odd enough in the Dream SMP, and 2.) him having three new beds despite only using one of them. For the first point, I’d like to refer you to what Fundy said at around 26:08:

“I just gotta sleep and then, it’s gonna disappear! And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’, and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys…! You’re always pranking me, you’ve always been there for me. Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most.’ I just go to bed, I just go to bed, and none of this ever happened.”

While I understand that he is referring to the dream, I also believe that this statement would be one of those types I mentioned earlier that may have a double meaning. While “I just go to bed,” could refer to him wanting to sleep and wake up from this horrific dream, it could also refer to how he easily shuts down to his abandonment issues and goes to bed instead of handling it head first. Knowing this, him going to bed in the first scene could imply that he is in this type of  abandonment predicament, especially when we connect it to the second point. The color orange is meant to represent joy and warmth, and even without the symbolism, we all know orange is Fundy’s favorite color. He sees these three beds and says that he likes them, but I can’t help but feel like the other two beds are meant for two other people. I don’t think Niki and Ranboo being the only other two people on the server is coincidental; they have to relate to the two extra beds in some way.

Niki and Ranboo are two prime examples of close friends Fundy had before breaking off after a misunderstanding. Niki fought with Fundy after he had to burn the flag she made in order to gain Schlatt’s trust, while Fundy fought with Ranboo after Doomsday when they had conflicting beliefs about neutrality and sides. After both incidents, Fundy never really made his way to apologize, but Fundy has awkwardly met up with these two after a certain point. With Niki, he was forced to team with her at the beginning of the November 16th War, joking around with her and Eret, while for Ranboo, Fundy had to talk to him and Philza when they were joking around in the SMP. The meet ups definitely relieved some tension, but it never fully resolved the conflict Fundy had with both characters, so there was never a chance for him to rekindle the close bonds he had with both Ranboo and Niki in the past.

Fundy going to his favorite beds with two extra spots next to him could represent how he does cherish the friendships he shared with Niki and Ranboo, but never has the guts to actually bring back things the way that they were before. So, instead, Fundy sleeps, not wanting to think about them any further.

iv. FIRST DAY

When he wakes, Fundy checks his inventory before exiting his base, saying “Uhm, I don’t actually-” until he cuts himself off once he spots the desert. I don’t actually know what Fundy was supposed to say here, but because he checked his inventory beforehand, I believe he was trying to say “I don’t actually know where my things are,” but I could be wrong. To be fair, this isn’t too important, so we don’t have to focus on that. What we can focus on is the misplaced desert that was obviously not there before Fundy slept. We can easily infer what deserts could symbolize in dreams, especially when it comes to loneliness and the feeling of being deserted, but for better insight, consider what dreamstop.com claims about deserts:

“A dream of a desert is about something that is devoid of any feelings or care for you. It is all about them and nothing about you. Does someone show you a lack of respect? Is there someone or something in your life you dislike and adds no meaning to your life? Do you feel invisible? That no-one cares about you? Deserts represent an empty, barren place you may be trying to fill.

Desert dreams may appear when a relationship or friendship breaks down, or when you feel totally alone. You may have moved recently and have not yet made friends. You may feel homesick for all you left behind.

Being lost in a desert refers to your feelings that a situation is hopeless. You may have a problem you feel no-one cares about, even though you tried to reach out. You may feel there was no support and are feeling hurt and alone.”

You don’t need much analyzing to connect these meanings to what Fundy is experiencing. The setting of a “desert” merely pads the idea of Fundy being incredibly lonely to the point of him believing that he has nothing left to lose. Back in Doomsday, he was an optimistic nihilist, claiming that he doesn’t care much about what occurs from this point onwards as long as he can have a little bit of fun. On the stream where he created the Cube, he claimed that most people hated him anyway, so the least he could do was to make himself so hateable so other people could unite together in their hatred of Fundy even if it meant Fundy would have no companions left. Let it be known: Fundy is incredibly, incredibly lonely, and he is miserable in his loneliness, especially when his self-worth depends on how much people recognize him.

Another thing this desert could be eluding to would be Las Nevadas as it is set in the desert. I do think the desert’s main purpose is to showcase Fundy’s loneliness, but the connection to Las Nevadas is plausible.

Additionally, the dark skies Fundy sees doesn’t really need much of an explanation either. I couldn’t find a website exactly defining what it means to find a dark sky, but most of them speak of it as a negative thing, often symbolizing something terrible to come. I don’t think I need to explain that part, so we’re moving on.

Fundy is, understandably, very confused about this entire predicament. He quickly moves around his base to figure out what is going on, even messaging in chat to see if anyone would respond. Climbing up the ladders, he stands atop his base, spotting the silhouette of the Camarvan from afar. He continues to be confused, claiming he has no idea why he’s here in the first place. He claims he is “freaking out”, continuing to ask questions about where he is, and why the sky turns dark. He denotes that he isn’t at least completely alone as bunnies swarm around the desert. He begins to follow this sandstone path, every few blocks or so passing a fence with a torch stood atop it.

Here, we can infer that Fundy seems to have never seen this place before, or has no recollection of it entirely. Fundy doesn’t seem to be immensely freaked out just yet, especially since he hasn’t asked any questions about how no one is there, mostly focusing on his location and asking what the place is about.

Fundy then asks why the van is here, then zooms in on the nametags he sees at the back of the van. It is notable that something nametagged “Fundy” is shorter than another thing that is nametagged “WilburSoot”. Fundy tries to reach out for them but is unable to enter the van.

We can easily infer that this scene was meant to represent Fundy’s childhood in L’Manberg when he was being taken care of by Wilbur. Despite the lack of silhouettes, we can easily determine that Fundy is young in this scene because of how his nametag is in a much lower position next to Wilbur's, implying that whoever owns that nametag is much shorter. We can denote that by the beginning of the L’Manbergian Revolutionary War, Fundy was, in fact, a child. 

Another question some of you might ask: why is the Camarvan here in the first place? While I believe it could be representative of the part of Fundy’s mind that tackles past memories, I do think it also serves another purpose which I will explain later.

Moving on to the next scenes, Fundy continues following the sandstone path while typing in chat, asking if anyone was actually there. He gets confused by the path for a moment, wanting to go to the ominous building, before realizing that the path does connect to the building, it just swerves a little to the left.

It is notable that when Fundy cried out for help, he doesn’t call for a name in specific-  he calls out for ANYONE. The fact that he is calling out for “anyone” could denote that he doesn’t have any close friends or family members he would want to specifically call out for. 

Continuing on, Fundy follows the path to the building, still very immensely confused about where he is. Opening the door, he sees that the inside descends into an underground room with its flooring made out of chiseled quartz blocks. Fundy gets scared at first, immediately closing the door, looking back in, and going back out once more.

Fundy denotes that there is absolutely nothing out here as he walks around the building. He then gains the courage to descend the staircase, wondering what it is, and at the bottom, there are a lot of misplaced sandstone blocks with small lights illuminating at certain corners. The path leads to the left, showing 10 pieces of red carpet on the floor, and 8 pieces of yellow carpet on the table. He approaches the wooden table before looking to his right, spotting a skull on the floor next to a piece of redstone, which I believe is meant to resemble blood.

I don’t think we really need to research a skull to check what it might represent, but my theory so far as to what the skulls mean in each building would be that it’s meant to represent Fundy losing a canon life. I don’t know if this was intentional, but the corner room where the skull is somewhat reminds me of the Final Control Room with the redstone in the middle representing the button. That is, after all, where Fundy lost his first canon life. 

One of the theories I subscribe to is that the skulls in these buildings are meant to foreshadow Fundy’s death before he ever reaches it. Earlier in the day, we saw Fundy pass by the Camarvan with a younger Fundy which could possibly imply that they haven’t gotten to Eret’s betrayal yet, but the skull creeping up at the corner could represent that it is, in fact, coming. How this ties in to the entire future predicting thing, I will explain later, but for now, keep an eye out on the skulls.

Terrified of the skull, Fundy opens the chest and hesitantly picks up the book and quill inside of it. He opens it and is introduced to another Fundy writing to himself. Other Fundy claims that they’re not exactly the same person, but this Fundy is a part of the real Fundy. Other Fundy claims that Fundy cannot trust this place as it is not real, then begins saying that Fundy himself is not real repeatedly. Fundy’s heart rate suddenly increases when he sees the words “wake up” appear slowly in the book, and after page 34 is shown, Fundy wakes up to a new day in the dream world. 

First thing to denote is that the book has 87 pages, and 87, according to affinitynumerology.com means as follows:

“The numerology number 87 is a number of family, organization, and prosperity.

It's also a number of harmony and idealism, the ideal generally related to a harmonious and prosperous family relationship.

87 has parental instincts. It assumes responsibility for the welfare of others it considers to be family.”

The explanation implies that Fundy longs for family and cares deeply for those who he considers as his family. As much as he hated Wilbur after he died, Fundy still continuously expressed how much he needed Wilbur to be there. He is absolutely attached to anyone who poses as a possible family member, especially to those who he views as parents or guardians. Even outside of Wilbur, he is still practically attached to Phil, even if Phil refuses to consider Fundy as family. Fundy also got immensely angered by Eret when she didn’t show up to sign his adoption papers. I’d even say his attachment to family would even reach people like Sally and Schlatt. Fundy has a tendency of casually talking about Sally, and whenever a character talks about eating salmon, Fundy becomes deeply offended. For Schlatt, Fundy kept Schlatt’s netherite sword after he died, considering it to be an “heirloom”, something that only gets passed down onto different generations of the same family. Fundy is incredibly attached to the sword, and whenever he loses it, he’s absolutely desperate to get it back. As much as Fundy gets abandoned, he still deeply appreciates a lot of his family.

87 is also very reminiscent of one of the books in the Inbetween. A lot of the phrasing in the books are actually quite similar to the Inbetween, but we aren’t sure if Fundy and the Inbetween are directly affecting each other or if these places merely work in similar ways. The main similarity between Fundy and the Inbetween is that it involves something related to time travelling, so the similarities could be pointing towards that rather than imply that Fundy is directly affecting the Inbetween all together.

Secondly, the book stops at Page 34. The website angelnumbers.org express the following:

"Most likely you are leaving your projects unfinished because of fear for their destiny after you finish them.

Will they be rejected or accepted by others?

Because you would rather not find out that and possibly have your ego hurt, you consciously or subconsciously sabotage your work and leave things unfinished.

When this number starts appearing in your life frequently, it is a reminder to acknowledge you have a problem and start dealing with it.”

This is very reminiscent of the paragraph I made earlier discussing Fundy’s relationship with Ranboo and Niki- and this could honestly apply to any other relationships Fundy has as well. Besides Fundy’s relationships, this explanation could apply to Fundy’s hesitance of finding out the truth of his mind. Earlier on in the streams, Fundy is immensely confused about the dream, not wanting to discover its truths at all. This eventually changes on the third day, but we’ll discuss that in a bit.

Another thing I’d like to discuss would be the identity of the book authors and why they wrote the books the way they did. I’ll explain about this more in-depth later, but I do believe that another Fundy is, indeed, writing these books. As this was set in Fundy’s mind, it’s quite impossible for anyone who isn’t Fundy to be meddling with the books. What we can denote, though, is the reason as to why these books were created in the first place. The book itself seems to be harmless at first, quite inviting towards Fundy in the first few pages, but once it had to introduce what this world is, it seemed to hesitate. There were a couple of disjointed pages, as well as blank pages, before it began claiming the world wasn’t real, and that Fundy wasn’t real. It turned a complete 180, which seemed to be very odd to me. In past events of the Dream SMP, derealizing statements like this tend to be tricks of the mind, but these statements seem to be intentionally put there by those who wrote the book, especially since later on, we see another book completely give up on saying these triggering statements, saying that “It’s not going to work.” (32:05). 

What this implies is that whoever placed these statements are attempting to scare Fundy in some way, possibly heightening his insecurities and terror so that he can be truly terrified of the place. The constant statements of “you are not real” may not only refer to the Other Fundy trying to make Fundy spiral downwards in derealization, but it might actually represent how neglected Fundy feels to the point of feeling invisible, to the point of feeling that he “isn’t real”. But why is this Other Fundy trying to scare Fundy, and who, specifically, is the person behind the writings, you might ask? This question will be answered later on when we go more in-depth with the other books, as the bigger picture is very much needed instead of explaining it all by the first book.

v. SECOND DAY

Fundy wakes up in his base once more, evidently confused. We don’t really know why he wakes up in his base, and why the world changes every time he wakes up, but let’s just say this is all part of his dream to make sense out of it. This time, he sounds more broken, and definitely more unhinged. He calls out for any other member in the chat, telling them that whatever they’re doing is not funny. This is the first we see of Fundy believing that the others may actually just have been pulling a prank on him. He opens his chests frantically before venturing outside once more. He claims that he doesn’t believe the book, saying that this dream sequence feels pretty real to him. 

This time, Fundy puts a bigger emphasis on asking why he is alone, and why nobody seems to be here with him. Fundy seems to be more shaken up by the idea that he’s alone over the idea that he does not know anything about where he is at all. He approaches the van, and when he zooms in, he sees that Wilbur’s nametag disappeared. 

Transcript of this following scene:

“I knew you were there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no- you can’t fool me! No, I knew you were there Wil. You were there, right there! Where did you go? Are you being- he’s being funny. This is funny! This is great. Aw, this is amazing- it’s just a prank! It’s April Fools soon- that’s why! Oh, I’m just being pranked… right?”

Now, this was… sad. This is one of the other statements that could have a double meaning. Fundy insisting that Wilbur is supposed to be there could not only be him comparing this day to the previous, but it could also imply his true feelings towards Wilbur, especially since he’s disappeared for a good portion of Fundy’s life. Fundy believes Wilbur is supposed to be there for him, but the reality is that he wasn’t. Instead of facing reality, Fundy concludes that all of this was a harmless joke instead of believing that Wilbur might have possibly left him.

Fundy attempts to enter the van once more, but his attempt doesn’t work. He then follows the path on the side directing to the ominous building only for him to realize that it has gotten closer.

The building getting closer to the main base actually has a lot of symbolism behind it. The building itself stores a lot of secrets, especially when it comes to the truths about this world and the different insecurities Fundy has repressed. Those writing the books have laid out all these secrets in every single book found in this building. The fact that it’s underground is meant to represent that these secrets are meant to be hidden in the depths of Fundy’s mind, but the fact that the building is getting closer to the main base makes it feel like 1.) the stored secrets about this world that Fundy may have forgotten about might finally seep into his consciousness, making him aware of them next time he wakes up, and 2.) the insecurities Fundy repressed deep down are seeping out more and more as it reaches the main core. Once it’s there, Fundy won’t be able to reject the truth about his abandonment issues any longer.

Fundy nears the building, still quite nervous. He opens the door, and the layout of the inside seems to be slightly similar to the previous day, but there are small details here and there that are different. Instead of 10 red carpets, there are 6, and instead of 8 yellow carpets, there are 6. Additionally, the skull seems to be closer, this time directly next to the table.

While the carpets were quite subtle, I do think it symbolizes a certain decrease of something. Red symbolizes the color for passion and love, while yellow is meant to represent happiness and positivity. Earlier, we saw that Wilbur disappeared from the Carmarvan, so the decrease of rugs for each color could represent Fundy’s love and happiness decreasing.

For the skull itself, I don’t know if I’m right, but this is what I infer from it: On the first day, we saw that Wilbur was still standing next to Fundy in the Camarvan as the first skull underground was still very far away. On the second day, when Wilbur was gone, the skull got closer, standing next to the table instead of it being far away. I theorize that if the skull is closer, then a canon death has already occurred in the time period the day wants to present. The first day presents a time where Wilbur was still taking care of Fundy, so Eret’s betrayal may not have happened yet, hence why the skull merely stayed hidden at the corner. On the second day, Wilbur has actively left Fundy, similar to the period after L’Manberg’s independence when Fundy had to partake in the Pet Wars alone. During that era, the betrayal has already happened, which is why I believe the skull is much closer this time. 

Continuing on, Fundy opens the book and begins reading. From this point onwards, I do want to go more in depth with each of the books, so I’ll put transcripts here and there with my thoughts added onto it after each transcript.

“Hi me!

Welcome back!

Yeahh, second time here? or third?

not entirely sure”

So, this is confirmation that this might not be the first time Fundy’s having dreams like this. A good question to ask is if the book was written a long time ago and has presented itself the same way it does right now, or if this book was written recently. I don’t think the stream gave a definitive answer, but it is something to keep in mind.

“Listen to me Fundy

and you should trust me because,

well you know why

There are two things you can do right now

Walk back to your base, jump in bed, fall asleep, and you will wake up as if nothing ever happened

Or you can keep reading…

And I will tell you what I know”

The book pauses for a bit then continues saying “You are not real” ten times, “You dont want to know the truth” fifteen times, and spams “WAKE UP” until the 38th page, a number we analyzed earlier because of the 38 baked potatoes. 

For the book itself, whoever is writing the book seems to be a bit hesitant when writing. It doesn’t seem to want to explain what this place truly is to Fundy, and as much as it clarifies that they are, indeed, Fundy, they never expound on how they were able to write these books and why Fundy should trust him. Other Fundy saying “you should trust me because, well you know why” is actually quite ominous, and I can only think of two reasons as to why they would say it: 1.) Other Fundy is implying that Fundy can trust him because he is, in fact, the same person, or 2.) Other Fundy is hinting that Fundy trusts too easily as seen with the people Fundy trusted in the real world.

Additionally, the Other Fundy seems to emphasize on the fact that they WANT Fundy to go to sleep and wake up in the overworld. They phrase it so that sleeping once more is the more logical option, while they basically scare Fundy with the other option, evident by his quickened heartbeat. The Other Fundy seems to know about the intricacies of this dream and its world, but seems to be very hesitant to tell Fundy about it. The continuous threats imply that the Other Fundy doesn’t want Fundy to know the truth at all.

Basically, this Other Fundy knows something, something our Fundy doesn’t know about, and wants to emphasize that it is something horrific. He will do whatever he can do so that he can stop Fundy from knowing the truth, even if it means he has to scare Fundy.

Additionally, to me, it feels like “WAKE UP” could possibly have two meanings. If the underground structure is meant to represent things that Fundy constantly represses to the back of his mind, not only would the secrets of his dream reside there, but his own repressed insecurities may reside there as well. The way Fundy treats the truth about his dreams is actually quite similar with the way he treats his insecurities- he tends to reject its existence and pretend that everything is normal. This dream isn’t just a dream, it’s an exploration of Fundy’s mind, and telling Fundy to “WAKE UP” doesn’t just refer to not knowing the truths about the dream, but it could also refer to Fundy not knowing the truths about his own insecurities hidden deep in the depths of his mind. 

vi. THIRD DAY

Fundy wakes up, breathing heavily. He paces around his room before opening the door frantically, seeing that he is still stuck in a desert. He begins to laugh, repetitively telling himself that all of this is a “joke”. He continues questioning why he’s still in this dream, and when he opens the door, he sees the ominous structure observably closer to the base. He claims that he’s actually stressing out, and Fundy goes on a tangent about this dream and reveals a bit about his insecurities:

“They’re toying with me, they’re toying with me. They’re actually- everyone is toying with me- they are ALWAYS TOYING WITH ME. Everyone is! I’m always being played with. Why? Why always me- no! Why does it always have to be me? Every single time. I don’t wanna- (sigh). I don’t wanna keep dealing with this- I just wanna- no- do I just… Do I just… Do I just go up here and listen to- wai- okay. The book said I have two options: I can wait here until it’s night time. Wait until the sun sets and I can go to sleep, and when I go to sleep and wake up, none of this is real. None of this is gonna- it’s gonna disappear. None of this is real, none of this is real, none… It’s not real, it’s not real, I am currently not real, this is no- how is this possible? How is this- wha- how did- how… None of this is real. I am not real. All I have to do is wait for midnight and just sleep, and all of this would end, right? All I have to do is… wait until night time and then… it’s all gonna be over, it’s all gonna be done. 

I just gotta sleep, and then, it’s gonna disappear. And then everyone is gonna appear out of a bush and they’re gonna be ‘Surprise!’ and I’m gonna be like, ‘You guys! You’re always pranking me… you’ve always been there for me (sniffs). Every single time… except sometimes… when I needed you the most. I just go to bed… I just go to bed, and then I wake up, and none of this ever happened. And we’re gonna go back to my old life where I have fun and join parties and join groups and only see them disappear in front of my eyes as I start to get attached to them. Y-yeah, that’s- that’s- that’s the choice I’m making. Go back to that... (sigh). Just… or you know…”

LOTS to unpack here, and I’ll go one by one explaining certain aspects of this because it’s not just something that showcases Fundy’s insecurities.

Firstly, interesting how Fundy believed that the book was toying with him like how a lot of other people do. That’s what makes him afraid of the book- the feeling of being pushed around. The book is actively trying to use Fundy’s insecurities against him in order to make him more and more afraid of the truth. This is interesting because Fundy is known to be ignorant towards his actual issues (just look at his monologue), but the Other Fundy seems to be acutely aware of them. I will explain why he is aware of them later on.

Secondly, this is the most observable point, Fundy seems to be aware that he is quite frankly, alone, but tends to ignore it. He copes with his abandonment issues by treating his abandonment like a joke. He believes that every single person who’s left him did it as a prank. Even if he laughs at this idea, he is also evidently hurt by it. It hits even harder when you realize that Fundy is quite the dependent character, often sucking up to any person who gives him recognition. If Fundy depends on others to dictate his self-worth, how do you think he thinks of himself right now when he literally has nobody?

Putting emphasis on Fundy’s loneliness is going to be interesting because I do think some characters in future arcs are going to exploit that. If Quackity is going to use and manipulate Fundy the same way Sam does, then there would be no doubt that he will use Fundy’s loneliness against him. Even if it’s not Quackity who approaches Fundy first- even Bad, Sam, Dream, anyone, really, could use Fundy’s loneliness against him, which will make for an interesting plot point.

Lastly, not a lot of people spotted this, but this monologue also gives us insight as to why Fundy continued looking for the truth about his dreams instead of staying in his base and waiting for night. When talking about what to look forward to once he wakes up, he talks about how much “fun” he is going to have. Slowly, you see his denial start to dwindle as he finally admits that people leave him just as he gets attached to them. As much as Fundy wanted to wake up from this horrific dream, he realizes that, once he wakes up, he has nothing to look forward to either. That’s why he hesitates when he says “Yeah, that’s the choice I’m making,” because he realizes waking up isn’t as ideal as it seems. This is why Fundy immediately goes outside afterwards with no hesitation- Fundy has nothing left to lose, hence why he chooses to venture forth. Fundy is driven to do things because he feels like his life is purposeless anyway.

Fundy then begins to head outside quietly, zooming into the ominous building while walking right towards it. He then detours for a moment, walking towards the right of the building, and approaches a giant crater filled with obsidian and blackstone.

The explosion could symbolize two things:

Any of the L’Manberg explosions. With the obsidian and blackstone combination, my guess is that this is either the first Doomsday event (L’Manbergian War of Independence) because of L’Manberg’s walls, or the November 16th War because of Schlatt’s Podium. Why the big amount of blackstone and obsidian? Well, I’m not so sure when it comes to L’Manberg as its walls didn’t have obsidian, but for the November 16th war, I do think that the abundance of blackstone and obsidian is meant to represent how Fundy is reducing the November 16th war to Schlatt’s Podium. This can be alarming as he was the one who made Schlatt’s Podium, so reducing the war to that one building might symbolize that he blames himself for the war.

Another theory, which is the theory I subscribe to more, is that this is actually depicting an event in the future that we haven’t seen yet. Namely, the prison. If you zoom in on the explosion, the block pattern is quite reminiscent of the block pattern present in the prison.

While I’ll mostly discuss Fundy’s future predicting powers later, I do think that there’s a possibility that Fundy saw a vision of the future, unlike the past two days where he saw visions of the past. The prison might possibly be nuked in the future.

Fundy then proceeds to walk back towards the building, repetitively saying “no”. He claims he needs to find out, sounding more determined than before. For this, even if the explosion could represent many things, I do think Fundy is generally reminded of the explosions he had to witness throughout the history of the Dream SMP. Perhaps he believes that finding out the truth could prevent more explosions from occurring, perhaps he figured out that this was the prison and he needed to know why it exploded, perhaps him walking away from something that’s reminiscent of real life represents his choice of wanting to learn more about his dreams rather than sticking to anything similar to real life. 

Moving on, Fundy enters the building, saying he wants to know what’s going on. The underground room seems to have changed a bit, as the chiseled quartz floors changed into quartz bricks. The place also seems to be littered with end stone blocks and bricks. The place is much darker as well, and the carpets on the floor and table seem to be gone entirely. Two skulls can be observed near the table.

My brain actually can’t reason as to why the end blocks were there, or why the quartz blocks changed. My guess is that the end stones will eventually connect to a future plot point relating to the End, but again, I’m not sure. The carpets being gone could represent that the love and happiness (red and yellow) that Fundy had disappeared completely. The dishevelled state of the room could represent that the secrets being held inside this underground room are finally breaking free as its confines tear down more and more. 

Now the skulls- if we go by the theory I presented earlier, then the skulls are meant to represent canon deaths. If the skull was tucked into the corner, then that means death is to come, but if it’s near the table, then I believe the canon death already occurred. If two skulls are next to the table, then it could imply that whatever time period the day is set in should be around the time Fundy loses a second canon death, which hasn’t occurred yet. Again, this is all speculation, so I might be overthinking, but if the explosion is meant to represent the prison getting nuked, then there’s a possibility Fundy would lose a canon life before the prison gets destroyed.

Now, onto the juicy bit: the book. The book reads as follows:

“Hi. again.

...Why are we so persistent

...Why are we so stubborn

...You have been here before, but you keep coming back

...Why?

WHY???

You dont want to know the truth

It will hurt you

I dont want to be hurt again

YOU dont want to be hurt again

I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE JUST LEAVE

GO TO BED

FALL ASLEEP

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

ENJOY THE FUN THINGS

THE TRUTH ISNT WHAT YOU WANT

PLEASE

STOP THIS

STOP!!!”

The book tries scaring Fundy by spamming “WAKE UP” across multiple pages.

“It’s not going to work, huh..

Listen to me Fundy…

Your mind is not safe…

You are not imagining this…

This place might not be real…

But he is.

Spare yourself.

I need you to listen carefully.

Do not join him.

Whatever he asks of you.

Do NOT join him.

his plans aren’t as nice as they sound.

his intentions aren’t what you think they are.

he will use you

he will destroy you

everything you ever loved

everyone you ever cared about

do not join him.”

Before I explain this book, I think it’s best to also note down what was said in the next book as well so I can better explain what’s going on.

“note to self

hello

I just wrote this book to remember who I am

To remember what is happening

All the books I just found are indeed written by me

Listen to yourself

You suffer from a very odd illness

You suffer from a form of insomnia, within your own dreams.

Now the effects of this aren’t really known, and even I don’t fully know what is going on.

but let me tell you

somehow, this world, these actions and events, are linked to reality.

things that happen in these so-called “dreams”, tend to leak into the real world

they will actually happen.

you might wonder how exactly this is a bad thing.

the ability to predict certain events from happening, sounds pretty cool.”

Fundy then stops reading the book, seemingly overwhelmed by the influx of information. Analysis time, boys, time to unpack what this all means.

Firstly, I believe that this dream has happened before. Multiple times, actually. If certain “events” in the dream are meant to predict the future, then the moments involving the Camarvan on the first two days could imply that Fundy has seen this place before during the L’Manberg era where he could’ve predicted Eret’s betrayal and the loss of his father. If we think about it, the books could honestly be given to Fundy at any time period and it would work. Look at the entire section of the book describing someone who Fundy can’t trust- this “him” person could honestly be… anyone who abandoned Fundy? If the book hints at someone who might possibly hurt and use Fundy, then Eret, Wilbur, Schlatt, and Dream could also be considered. These people were nice to Fundy at first before betraying him one way or another. There is a possibility that this dream has warned Fundy about these people in the past, only for Fundy to forget about the dream. What about this time though, who is this “him” that’s going to betray Fundy during this time period? Well, the easy answer would be Quackity, but Bad could be a possibility as well. With the hint towards Quackity at the end, I do believe that Quackity would be the main suspect, but it’s also good to keep an open mind as we don’t know much of who Fundy’s involved with in Season 3.

Now, why would Fundy be able to forget about the dreams, though? I do think that whoever is responsible for writing the books are doing their best to prevent Fundy from uncovering the truth. Who do I think are the book authors? Well, I don’t think they were lying when they said that they were Fundy. I believe that, just like the Dream voice in Ranboo’s head, the Fundy that writes books would be some sort of conscience or subconscious in Fundy’s mind. This part of the mind holds certain memories repressed by Fundy, as well as some of the insecurities he chooses to ignore. They are aware of all of Fundy’s past visits of this dream, and they know the dangers of it, which is why they want Fundy to not uncover the truth. 

The signed book claims that whatever Fundy sees in the dream will seep out into reality. Knowing this, I believe Fundy’s subconscious is trying to prevent Fundy from seeking out the truth to prevent these future visions from happening in real life; this especially applies to events that involve Fundy possibly being hurt. There is a possibility that this Fundy has seen past Fundy’s discover events like the Camarvan and the loss of Wilbur occur in dreams way past before it occurred in real life, so they feel afraid that our Fundy would uncover more and more truths that would become reality. While we don’t know if Other Fundy’s beliefs on future predicting is true, this gives us a better understanding of why they want Fundy to go to bed and wake up. (Additionally, the Other Fundy has placed emphasis on saying that the truth may hurt Fundy, so there is a possibility that these future events might involve something that heightens Fundy’s insecurities more. That’s why this Fundy seems to be so aware of Fundy’s insecurities- they have witnessed Fundy’s insecurities being used against him in certain visions.)

For the memory thing, so far, I believe a part of Fundy’s mind is actively suppressing all the memories Fundy has of his dreams. Fundy already represses a lot of his insecurities, so using Fundy’s insecurities against him might actually enable them to keep Fundy’s memories about the dream locked in the corners of his mind. The place where the book is kept in is underground, after all, but we do have to keep in mind that the building is getting closer and closer to Fundy’s main base. This could symbolize that Fundy will remember his dreams more once he wakes up.

So basically, so far, Fundy has dreamt this dream multiple times in the past, and during each dream, he witnesses an event in the future that could possibly happen in real life. Fundy’s subconscious, or possibly past versions of Fundy, are trying to warn future Fundy’s to not uncover too many truths about the dream as they believe this could possibly manifest terrible events to happen in real life. To get Fundy to go back to bed, they try scaring Fundy, using his insecurities against him, only this time, Fundy is a bit more disobedient because, again, he feels like he has nothing left to lose. 

Another theory I have which I’m not 100% sure about is that this Other Fundy, as much as it has good intentions, may have committed a mistake when they tried to get Fundy to bed by using his insecurities. If anything in the dream may happen in real life, them heightening Fundy’s insecurities might pass over to the real world as well. While scaring Fundy could prevent him from uncovering the truth, it might’ve also been a double-edged sword as Fundy is more aware of his insecurities more than ever.

Continuing on, Fundy decided to leave the building, seeing that it’s night time. He sounds relieved knowing that he can sleep and that he can wake up from this dream. He celebrates for a moment, throwing the book away, but then he hesitates, saying he wants to know the truth. He picks the book up again but doesn’t read it immediately, claiming that he could just sleep instead of knowing the truth.

Fundy seems to revel in the idea of waking up for a bit until he mentions how much of a “blast” he can have with everyone once he wakes up. After mentioning this, he immediately picks up the book with no hesitation. This is the second time Fundy is shown to be motivated in finding the truth about his dreams because of him realizing how unfun the real world is. Again, Fundy is seen to be motivated by the fact that he has nothing left to lose, and as much as he is scared of this dream, he seems to prefer finding this world’s truth over going back into the real world where he’s practically alone.

Moving on, the book continues:

“however…

while this might be the case of dreams…

this is also the case for nightmares…

this is your last warning Fundy

please… for the both of us…

just wake up”

This part of the book simply affirms all I’ve theorized about earlier. The Other Fundy hints that some events that Fundy might witness in his dream would be detrimental to Fundy, which is why he doesn’t want Fundy to continue exploring. He knows that Fundy will possibly manifest an event that will ruin him in real life, so he wants Fundy to sleep instead of accidentally manifesting his demise.

vii. FOURTH DAY

Fundy then wakes up once more, complaining that this dream never ends. He goes outside, seeing a black, hooded figure slowly turn around and chase him. With a quickened heartbeat, he runs up his stairs to sleep in a black bed placed on the roof. Fundy screams as we see the hooded figure approach, and the screen fades to black. A white smiley face reminiscent of the one on Quackity’s skin appears on the screen as casino slots sound effects play in the background.

Now, what do I make of this? Well, firstly, we gotta point out that his bed at the end looked EERILY similar to a gravestone. A lot of websites claim that sleeping in a gravestone or seeing a gravestone could indicate change, especially when it comes to overcoming one’s sadness or problems. In a literal sense, we can think of it as something foreshadowing a future canon death, especially if we think that the person chasing Fundy is the grim reaper.

Speaking of that person, I do have a couple of explanations as to who this person is:

The person is death themselves, the grim reaper. This is the common conclusion everyone believes in, especially when we consider this “him” person possibly hurting Fundy, and that second skull in the underground room. Quackity is the main culprit for now, especially with that smiley face in the end, but there could be other possibilities! Like, what if someone takes Fundy’s canon life before he joins Quackity, which is why the smiley face only popped up after Fundy’s dream death? Mayhaps someone affiliated with Quackity might be doing the dirty work for him, so Bad, Sam, Dream, and anyone, really, could be responsible for Fundy’s future canon death. Moreover, the fact that this death occurs affirms the beliefs of the Other Fundy. The Other Fundy merely wants Fundy to be safe from possibly manifesting his demise in real life, but Fundy’s curiosity got the best of him, and in the next sequence, he was killed, proving that the Other Fundy was right in saying that Fundy should’ve just slept.

A theory I made up which I’m not 100% sure of is that this figure is actually Fundy’s subconscious trying to get him to sleep. When Fundy was being chased, we heard a quickened heartbeat, and where was the only other time we heard that? When Fundy was reading the “WAKE UP” and “you’re not real” messages from those books. We can view this as the Other Fundy’s attempt in trying to get Fundy to actually sleep by using another scare tactic against Fundy. And well… it did work! Because Fundy was afraid of this figure, Fundy went to sleep. There is also a possibility that this occurrence is what makes Fundy forget about the dream because his subconscious got a hold of Fundy and forcibly made him forget, but I’m not 100% sure about that one yet.

Lastly, the face! That should already allude to Fundy possibly joining Quackity’s lore, and with the “38 potatoes” symbolizing business opportunities, I expect Fundy to be joining Las Nevadas as a possible employee. Quackity does, in fact, prey on people who are insecure, and can easily get them to do whatever he wants because of his words. If he can get Sam to give him the tools needed to torture Dream, Quackity might exploit Fundy’s loneliness into making him do whatever Quackity wants from him. 

Another face that this could possibly connect to is the face in the Egg lair! While I’m leaning more towards Quackity because of the casino sounds, I do wanna say that the Egg and the Eggpire could possibly be connected as well, especially when the Egg could provide Fundy anything he wants. Just like how Quackity could prey on Fundy’s insecurities, the Egg preys on those who feel like they’re missing something, so as much as Fundy could be manipulated by Quackity, he could also be manipulated by the Egg. Additionally, business opportunities could apply to the Eggpire as well as they’ve contacted Purpled in the past to assassinate Puffy, so who’s to say they won’t try adding Fundy to the Eggpire?

TLDR; This entire stream showcased both Fundy’s insecurities and Fundy’s future predicting powers and how this “Other Fundy”, aka his subconscious, wants him to repress them because they believe that if Fundy uncovers the secrets of his dream more, then Fundy would accidentally manifest his demise in real life. Additionally, Fundy is very lonely, making him vulnerable of being used in the future because he is desperate to get any type of recognition from anybody. In summary, be afraid of Fundy’s future lore streams, be very afraid.

viii. ADDITIONAL NOTES

Even when I finish this, there’s a lot of questions to ask about this stream that I want you to keep in mind:

How many times has Fundy encountered this before?

How does Fundy forget all the information he got from the dreams?

How does Fundy write to himself?

Why is there so many details connected to Karl, and what does it have to do with time travelling?

Why does Fundy return to his bed every time his heartbeat quickens when reading a book?

Was the first scene part of the dream or not?

Could the underground room’s structure actually mean something?

And there’s probably more, but just saying, keep an open mind about this entire stream because there’s definitely a lot more to uncover.

I want to reiterate: I am not the Messiah, so don’t take my word as the truth and the absolute truth. I’d love to hear your thoughts about Fundy’s stream as a lot of it could be up for speculation! The entire thing is filled to the brim with symbolisms, so there could be a lot of interpretations to consider. If you enjoyed this, feel free to like and retweet because I worked my ASS off with this one. 

Special thanks to the following:

Fundy and any of the Dream SMP members because that stream was INCREDIBLE. Go give them your love and support.

kingjem for always being there whenever I want to discuss any ideas I have about the Dream SMP. One of the smartest bitches I know, go follow them.

To all my betas who reviewed this document since I have a TON of grammar mistakes (thanks English): prismartist, bootsforthebootsgod, Finni_june (twt), ender-hyperfocuses-on-things, and Dngertosociety2 (twt)

And to all of you who like this post and would share it to other people! All support is appreciated. :D

#fundy #dream smp #mcyt #long post

[sixteenthshen]

post-finale stuff

Possible spoilers. Beware

Last night, I happened to check the scriptwriter's Weibo and saw that she had liked this fan's post. It's the only non-work related Weibo post that she had liked, so of course, I went to read it. 

The fact that this is the only fan post she's given her approval to must mean that it is on point and she agrees with the characterisation. I thought it's pretty good, so I've gone ahead to translate it here. I own 0 rights to this. I just thought it's a good perspective that may help others like me who struggled with the ending. 

I think I've mostly made my peace with it now, and to sum it up:

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they are. 

A-Xu never once blamed Lao Wen for how things turned out because he understood that. And he’s clearly a better person than I am (lol).

Let me be clear about my stand - the real victim of how the drama unfolded in the last six episodes is WKX. When we feel our hearts ache for ZZS, it's because the show let down WKX (the character). If your heart is only hurting for WKX during episodes 33-34, you should try to ship WKX with someone else, ok? If you think the last six episodes were great and that WKX was very romantic (and only romantic), then I honestly don't know what to say. 

I ship wenzhou. That means I like both Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu. I want them to love each other, be good to each other and live happily ever after. And I want them not to be OOC. 

The rest behind the cut. Spoilers for the whole drama. 

------- 

First, the source. Here is a link to that Weibo post, by 爱吐槽的栗小姐. I will delete this if requested by the OP - because this is really in a grey area imo. But I think the intention of a public post is for it to be shared? (especially something like this, which argues a point) 

Secondly, the poster does try to be fair in her post, but as the problem here is WKX's ruined characterisation, ZZS's character is analysed primarily concerning this issue only. There's quite a bit left to ZZS's character and backstory that isn't relevant. I believe that's why the post doesn't elaborate on it, or so I hope.

-------

Ever since WKX faked his death, I received three to four waves of fellow sister fans' mournful wails: "Lao Wen actually faked his death; does he have a heart?" "They were supposed to be of the same heart and treat each other with honesty. How did they regress?" "What happened to their innate soulmate-ness?" "Why does A-Xu always say to face things together, yet Lao Wen always keeps his plans from him?" "A-Xu loves Lao Wen, yet Lao Wen only loves himself"…….

Wait. What have you guys misunderstood about the meaning of soulmates? 

Soulmates are about values, but a person's behaviour… that's methodology FFS! 

(Do they no longer teach this in political affairs class in high school anymore?) 

Wenzhou, these soulmates, are incomparably compatible and mesh well in terms of values. According to the scriptwriter, the entire jianghu wants and tries to get the pieces of Glazed Armour, save the two of them. Not only do they not care for the peerless martial arts, immense power, nor the massive wealth that the Glazed Armour represents, they don't even care for the power they hold in their hands –Ghost Valley and the Window of Heaven. Both of them willing to give it up without a second thought. 

Before they met each other, they were so tired of (ZZS) and so angry at (WKX) this earthly world that they didn't even want to live on anymore. 

After they met each other, they gradually began to feel the warmth in this world again. How nice it would be if they could live in seclusion, hand in hand and just bask in the sun. 

In this world, where everyone else is fighting for power or wealth, they are true soulmates. To intelligent people like them, whether or not they're honest about their identities or secrets is merely a matter of formality. They had already determined their attraction to the other's soul early on and have never doubted it. 

There may be some here who would criticise loudly at this point, "Then can't you be more considerate for your soulmate (the actual phrased used is "spiritual companion")? A-Xu has said many times, let's face everything together, I'll bet that you will be honest with me. If you really love him, then why can't you care for his feelings?" 

----- You guys, you've never been married. 

If two souls meeting can naturally resolve all behavioural conflicts and disagreements, then the theory of "breaking in" * would not exist. 

Let us take a look at what kind of a person WKX and ZZS each are.

Wen Kexing, he's a lone wolf. 

After his parents' death and his entering the Ghost Valley, his smooth sailing life suddenly fell off a cliff. Ever since then, the only person he could rely on was himself. That deep-seated hatred is carved into his bones, yet he can't speak of it to anyone else. He isn't the same type of person as the rest of the ghosts in the Ghost Valley; he isn't the same type of person as A-Xiang, who he raised. If we talk about the world and everyone who lives in it, he doesn't have any fetters or feels any (positive) emotions. 

His supposed craziness is a form of indifference. He's indifferent to others' lives, nor his own, because he just doesn't care. (T/N: I think he does care for his own life, but only for revenge, after that, he's indifferent. Indifferent isn't suicidal. I don't know why some fans seem to be confusing the two. Although he didn't plan to, if he somehow manages to stay alive after getting his revenge, WKX will continue to live on, even if it's only to keep A-Xiang happy because he is indifferent.)

Growing up like this, being solitary became his style. He's used to doing everything alone, used to making his own decisions, used to digesting all his emotions himself. 

Every time he argues with A-Xu, he digests his emotions himself. The next day, he faces A-Xu with a smile again. 

This is how he loves, to take it upon himself to face danger, difficulty and pain alone. It's how he had supported A-Xiang all these years in the Ghost Valley and what he's used to. 

While Zhou Zishu, he's a lead horse (of a herd). ** 

Since a very young age, he's taught to take responsibility. He's used to bearing everything on his shoulders, be it the responsibility of his family or the responsibility for the Four Seasons Manor, even the responsibility for saving commoners from disasters. 

Unlike the lone wolf, the lead horse is ultimately a social animal. 

Regardless of his identity as the Manor Lord of the Four Seasons Manor or the Leader of the Window of Heaven, he's always the one to lead the herd and rarely fights alone. So, A-Xu not only has leadership ability but more than that, he also knows how to be tolerant and accepting of the differences of his team members. You can see the various ways he managed to influence Lao Wen along the road; he's firm when he needs to be and soft the other times. It's absolutely textbook in managing your lover workplace management. 

Zhou Zishu believes in communication whenever there's a problem, that they should be open and honest. So, teamwork is what he's used to. 

Does it mean that when a horse and lone wolf fall in love, that there won't be a breaking in period? 

Obviously not. 

I guess this is where some may say again, "isn't this part of a character's arc/development? The two of them quarrel time and time again. Did WKX not grow at all from it?" 

Of course, after meeting each other, they both grew and saved each other.

When he first left Window of Heaven, A-Xu was lonely with regret. Unlike the lone wolf who's used to doing everything alone, a lead horse without the last of his herd has no way to bear the bone-deep loneliness and merciless self-recrimination.

ZZS wandered around this world aimlessly until Lao Wen started pestering him, until he picked up Zhang Chengling, right up until he felt he hadn't singlehandedly destroyed the Four Seasons Manor. This lead horse finally regained a goal in life. He gained a partner and a lover. Lao Wen sticks to him, Chengling relies on him, and the abandoned Four Seasons Manor became like-new in his hands. He finally reconciles with himself. 

When he first came out of the valley, Lao Wen carried a rage strong enough to burn the world down. But when he met A-Xu, he also met the beauty of the world. 

When the Four Sages of Anji died, WKX understood how he caused innocent suffering. When Gao Chong walked to his death knowingly, he understood that although some may desire power, they could still be righteous and upstanding people. When he learned of everything Long Que sacrificed to protect his family***, he finally relaxed his guard. 

There were so many types of good people and things that he saw along this journey that he hadn't seen in the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu told him he was a good person as they basked in the sun, he genuinely wanted to return to the human (vs ghost) realm and be a good man. 

Along their journey, A-Xu made up for the morals and values that WKX lost in the Ghost Valley and showed him a new world outlook. He appeased Lao Wen's anger, tempered his extremism. The process wasn't easy, but not that difficult either, because, in the end, Lao Wen is kind at heart. 

But in the end, being a lone wolf is how he survived and succeeded in a place like the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu was so heavily injured and needed a lot of rest (for Wu Xi) to save his life, Lao Wen suddenly recalled his enemies and how such an excellent opportunity to take revenge just fell into his lap. Everything was in place, and all he needed to do was hide it from A-Xu; he could leave for a short while and have it settled quickly. Upon returning, he could then live happily ever after with his wife. To a crazy lone wolf, why would he not take a gamble? 

What he couldn't predict was the news would've been leaked (to A-Xu), and he didn't know that by doing so, he would've forever lost his love. 

Both of them were using their own methods to love the other person. Zhou Zishu is more forgiving and accepting because being forgiving is in his blood. While what WKX learned in his years in the Ghost Valley is -- love needs to be protected, like how he has A-Xiang, who he considers a sister, call himself master (to protect her). 

Only when faced with painful consequences can a person's deep-rooted habits and approach to things change. So I don't think faking his death ruined the characterisation of Wen Kexing, but I regret that the last two episodes did not have a scene to show us Lao Wen's heartbreak when he learns the truth. 

Until I know what it feels like to have lost you, I will only love you in my own way. 

T/N: 

*I can't think of the correct phrase for this as I don't read all that much about relationships >< please let me know if you know of it. Here, I'm referring to the process of wearing something new (like shoes) that will hurt at the start until it becomes soft and comfortable. 

** I did some side-reading, and omg, A-Xu is TOTALLY the lead mare. Although he's not the stallion and weak/dying for most of the show, he's the head of their little family, and he expects "to be obeyed", aka, I'm not going to learn how to cook. Call me for dinner. Kthxbye. 

From Rutgers' website: A herd of wild horses consists of one or two stallions, a group of mares, and their foals. The leader of the herd is usually an older mare (the "alpha mare"), even though one stallion owns the herd. She maintains her dominant role even though she may be physically weaker than the others. The older mare has had more experiences, more close encounters, and survived more threats than any other horse in the herd. The requirement of the lead horse is not strength or size; if this were so, then humans could never dominate a horse. Dominance is established not only through aggression but also through attitudes that let the other horses know she expects to be obeyed.

***I think this is important here because WKX wasn't crying for his loss. I think a big part of him was realising not everyone in the world was callous and turned their backs on his parents, that he could've gone his whole life without ever discovering what sacrifices some people have made. Good people suffer quietly and in silence. It's a big moment to realise he was wrong about many things that he had let hatred blind himself to the world. Because although he was sad about the Four Sages and somewhat shocked by Gao Chong's death, he hadn't truly faced up to his actions until now. 

(screenshot of the scriptwriter liking the above post) 

------

To add: 

I'm not sure how many of you read my "opinion" posts, but I've been struggling to find a way to accept the last six episodes of Word of Honor.  I first tried looking at open forum postings, comments, and Tumblr posts. None of it worked because it was just arguing and emotions and no one made points good enough for me to accept things. 

So I gave up and went back to reading Chinese sites. I found many posts discussing the plot. Some I liked, some I didn't, but none satisfied my need for a reasonable explanation. I felt they had biases (both ways), or else it lacked logic. After a time, I realised that I should be looking for WKX-stans (or pro-WKX fans) because they would be more motivated to explain his side, but also because well-written posts by wenzhou-fans & ZZS-stans made me super sad.

I'm sorry, but those who keep trying to explain why the ending was good completely missed that episodes 32-34 are the real problem to those who don't like it and only focused on 36. I can understand if people don't think those episodes are a problem, but no one could provide an articulate and sensible reason. There are just too few well-reasoned plot-focused posts in English (sorry). I've seen too many examples of WKX-fans arguing with people who are upset about the ending, backed by nothing more than "look how much WKX suffers, woe is him. And how romantic is this????" *dies* 

Lastly, if you spot anything inaccurate, let me know & I will correct it.

#word of honor #word of honor meta #wenzhou #opinion #i think this counts as meta #if you think the drama did WKX justice #and that he can do no wrong #in the last 6 episodes #.... #...... #srsly #you can't claim to ship wenzhou #& think the last 6 eps are perfect

[askthewvba]

Hippo Island Culture 101 (Crash Course)

Everything you’d never think to ask! 🤪

First off! Hippo Island actually refers to multiple smaller islands surrounding a larger landmass. The King Hippo has one of these smaller islands all for islands all for himself while the larger island is occupied by his people and the other smaller islands are each used for their own special occasions.

🍍Characteristics

Hippoans are human beings. Despite their intimidating and foreign appearance (and lack of noses) they are just as human as the rest of the Punch Out cast with their own language, culture, history and struggles. Just to get that out of the way immediately! While it is commonly believed that King Hippo is kind of a kind, that's simply not the case!

The Hippoans do all just be Built Different! All Hippoans are heavy naturally, and the heavier you are the more healthy and desirable you’re seen in their society. Having especially chubby children or a chubby spouse signals to other Hippoans that you’re a generous person and they know whose hut to visit at dinner time! There are rare exceptions to this rule but big is the bar set and big is beautiful.

This weight does come at a price however. Hippoans are so heavy with all of their heft and dense bones that they are completely incapable of swimming. Hippoans will sink like a rock!!! This has lead to most of them being absolutely petrified of the sea. Traveling from island to island is fine because the water between the smaller islands is typically not enough to drown in and otherwise is only a short ride by boat away. Traveling any farther than the lands governed by King Hippo is out of the question, and King Hippo is seen as indisputably courageous for traveling to the Mainland regularly. If a Hippoan falls from the boat they must be rescued and pulled back aboard immediately or face certain death by drowning. There’s no recovering a sunken Hippoan. They will simply never be seen again.

The dark part of a Hippoan’s face actually isn’t a mask or facial marking, but rather a natural indent on their face! This indentation and their thick fleshy eyebrows are protection against the harsh sun on Hippo Island.

The skin of a Hippoan is thicker and more resilient than that of a non-Hippoan. It’ll bruise like any other and Hippoans will bleed like anyone else, though it tends to be just a bit harder to take them down with the usual means like sharp objects. They are built different and are built to take a ton of damage. That being said, their tummies are always a weakness without exception. Why this is as of yet unclear, but a blow to the stomach is so potent of an attack that when struck there a Hippoan is absolutely thrown for a loop. It’s like a complete system reset, going unconscious and often waking up disoriented and confused.

We also haven’t discovered why they evolved to not have noses, but it is suspected their sense of smell works like snakes. Rather than flicking out their tongues however it may be that they are smelling when breathing through their teeth.

🥥Names

Names don’t exist in the traditional sense on Hippo Island. Your name is typically your job, but even then there’s a bit more to it than that.

King Hippo was born Hippo Heir IV, as he was a potential heir to his father's throne along with at least five other siblings. When he dethroned his Father, who was then called King Hippo, his son took the title of King Hippo from him for himself.

Toddy is a nickname bestowed on him by King Hippo’s friend and personal translator, as it’s a name for Coconut Wine. This is a reference to the fact that his mother, King Hippo’s wife, was a brewer before she became Queen Hippo. Toddy would be known to his mother as “son” or “Coconut Son”, and had a collection of other names and titles over the years before he became generally known and accepted as Prince Hippo, most prominently “Coconut Servant”. Coconut in this case is used as an identifier to separate him from the other servants King Hippo used to have alongside Toddy. It was originally due to his haircut resembling a halved coconut.

Queen Hippo still prefers her ‘maiden title’ Coconut Brewer. To King Hippo she is Wife, to her he is Husband. Despite her elevated status she still goes to work as a Brewer every day, and it’s in being a Brewer that she’s nicknamed her children after her favorites fruits to ferment. Her son is Coconut Son, meanwhile…

Her daughters are Pineapple Daughters, Pineapple Princesses, and before King Hippo and Coconut Brewer got married they were known to the villagers as Shell Collectors. They are nicknamed Tepache and Neerah by King Hippo’s translator for convenience. The translator tried to nickname every Hippoan she’d ever met.

Other examples include the Ferryman, who simply goes by Ferryman along with a few other nicks, the Weavers (Elder Weaver, Loving Weaver, and Mischievous Weaver/also known as “Silkie”; three generations of Weavers), Lone Builder who is married to Loving Weaver, Boar Herder (“Tusk”), and Chicken Herder (“Drumstick”).

There are also unfavorable monikers for the less reputable villagers. Hippo Island is generally a peaceful, crime-free community, however there are a few outliers at any given time who serve as exceptions to this. The only noteworthy one who you may come to know is a hunter, formerly Ferocious Hunter, who is now widely known as “Bonehead”.

After losing his title of King Hippo, his father would go on to be known as “The Loathsome One”.

Related to names, “One” serves as a replacement pronoun for “I” and “me”.

King Hippo: Needs no introduction. He is simply This One. Used to refer to himself as ‘this hopeful one’ and ‘this victorious one’.

Toddy: This dutiful one.

Brewer: This hardy one. She too now has the credence to call herself This One.

🍌Jobs

Jobs are normally determined by the work already in the family, but there’s normally no shame in changing career paths. A Weaver Daughter could decide to be a Warrior. A Builder Son could decide to become a Craftsman or a Child Caregiver.

Brewer was originally a warrior in training during her youth, before deciding she wanted less to do with the battles and more to do with the merrymaking and celebration that comes afterwards. Toddy was a fire dancer for the better part of his teen years, but due to circumstances in his life decided he wanted to be a warrior.

Staying within your family’s line of work is a safe way to live since you’re surrounded by seasoned veterans of that skill set, but by no means are you limited to work within your bloodline. While everyone’s personality is different, most Hippoans are happy to teach.

Children of Hippo Island are usually given menial tasks, like collecting shells, to both prepare them for adult life and to educate them on the barter and trade system that Hippoans operate under by having them trade their trinkets with other children.

🌋Faith

The elements are Gods and Goddesses, plain and simple. The Volcano Gods must be appeased regularly and the Gods of the Deep must be respected and feared at all cost.

While all of their Gods command respect, each family tends to put higher value on different Gods in accordance to their job, and these families are at the forefront of all celebrations relating to these deities. The Ferryman, King Hippo and Toddy stand alone when celebrating the Gods of the Deep.

🏝Customs

This is a bit of a Work in Progress, but we do know their romantic customs. 🥰

Interest in one another is expressed through flower crowns and chains. There’s an entire color language when offering flowers with some signifying friendship, gratitude, or condolences. For simplicity’s sake we’ll focus on three such cases however.

Pink flowers are used when first pursuing another Hippoan that they fancy. It is the general color of a new love or infatuation.

Red flowers are a more passionate form of love and serve as making a much bolder statement. Typically you want to avoid these when you’re merely confessing your interest in another person, as red flowers are most commonly used in marriage proposals.

For extra points one may want to include their intended’s favorite flowers or flower of their favorite color to show consideration and a more genuine interest in who they are.

When offering the Infatuation Flowers, there’s not much fanfare involved. Simply get your loved one alone and ask if they’ll accept it. If yes, they’ll wear it on their head or around their neck. If you’re showing your feelings to a Hippoan and they reject you, they might just eat the flowers. A rude rejection will involve stomping on the flowers to snuff out the affections entirely.

Offering Proposal Flowers has a lot more symbolism, especially if, say, you’re King Hippo. When King Hippo proposed to his wife, he knelt before her and held his flowers for her up over his head. Slowly he lowered his head to bow to her until the crown fell from his head and rolled over towards her feet. Bowing is apart of every Hippoan proposal, but the Hippoan royalty exemplify it’s importance. Your intended is someone who you place above yourself, you humble yourself before them, and you sacrifice the symbol of your pride by allowing your crown to fall off. For commoners the practice is still meaningful, as it means you see your significant other as someone worthy of being royalty, as they are the only person other than your actual King/Queen who you would bow to.

Arranged Marriages used to be somewhat commonplace until some short time ago, when it was realized that matchmaking was a largely imperfect practice. It has always been preferred that either marriage occurred out of love, or when the arranged marriage elevated the family by means of having a relative become betrothed to Hippo Royalty. Nowadays marriages outside of love are met with scrutiny and discomfort and harems are completely out of the question. (Though that’s not to say our King Hippo hasn’t laid with a few Hippoan ladies before tying the knot with his wife… that just wasn’t their status in the hierarchy and wasn’t apart of their naming scheme.)

When Hippoans pass away, they are given a funeral similar to that of the Vikings, though without the fire. Hippoans don’t have the land and therefore the luxury of burying their dead, nor would they consider cremating them. Instead the dead are placed inside specially made boats, sealed inside with flowers and trinkets from the deceased’s family, and after a small service full of mournfully singing Hippoans, they are pushed out to sea to appease their ocean deities. Unlike the boats that serve the living on their journeys, these boats are designed to eventually capsize and sink.

Hippoans… don’t really have the capacity to speak in other foreign tongues. Not very clearly at least. King Hippo actually does speak some English if you listen closely, but even then it’s very difficult to fully understand.

Hippoans are called such for a reason. Their growls and deep bellows are reminiscent of a hippo, though their language and variants of it cover a wide range of other animals as well.

Child Hippoans typically sound like bear cubs whereas infants sound almost froglike. Some Hippoans have even been known to sound like elephants. Hippoan singing, as mentioned in a previous post, sounds like a mix of throat singing and a chorus of bull frogs.

There are words formed under all of these animalistic noises and these words can be learned, but few take the time. Until our King Hippo, the Hippoans were widely forgotten about by the rest of the world. Even now tourism to Hippo Island is very carefully limited by the King himself.

👑Becoming King

There’s a ton of Hippoan history being omitted here to spare time. What you need to know is that due to a change for the worse over time, in order to become King or Queen (or Sovereign depending on your identity) you would need to defeat the ruler of that time in a fight, one that strongly resembles boxing. Normally to postpone that from happening, the ruler would sire a multitude of children via a harem (or their spouse should they have one; our last King Hippo did not), and then those children would be trained to eventually do battle with one another for the right to take on their parent.

Upon meeting defeat the siblings would depart from the islands by boat, presumably to never be seen again. Same was the fate of The Loathsome One when his son dethroned him. As the new King he could have done away with the banishment tradition if he desired, but due to the damage callously caused by Loathsome (and the assumed loss of his family) it was decided he deserved no mercy. King Hippo would have executed him, but he wanted to herald in a new age for the Hippoan people that saw an end to violence and needless bloodshed.

#punch out #punchout #askthewvba #nintendo #punchout wii #punch out wii #king hippo #punch out headcanons #punchout headcanons