Tumgik
#Okay checked and the main important ones that are missing are the logs
antiradqueer · 3 months
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Okay, allow me to tell you this story, because I literally just got back from school because I got sick BECAUSE of this story (it's not that bad actually, I'm pretty sensitive to these things, but it's still interesting)
So, there is a blog (that I prefer not to name) that is very famous among the community of my identity. I saw all my favorite blogs interacting with this blog and this blog has even interacted with ME (and they are so famous that I felt like I was talking to a celebrity that day)
But, I had never taken the initiative to follow them. Out of shame, since I felt they were a VERY important person and I am extremely sensitive to criticism (especially from people I consider important).
Well, I overcame all my shame and started following them a few days ago. I noticed that in their pinned post there was nothing about opinions on radqueers but since they always interact with my favorite blogs that are openly anti-transid and anti-c and vice versa, I just thought it was kind of obvious, like, I think being anti-PRATs is the "standard opinion", right?
Well, that went on for some time. Very little time, in fact. In less than two days, I noticed that their account simply disappeared from the list of people I followed. I was scared thinking that the account had been suspended, but I was suspicious that that wasn't the problem... And in fact it wasn't, they blocked me.
Well, it's not like I'm some horrible monster who would punish them for it or smth, but I was bothered by what I could have done to make this happen. I have never been blocked in my life, and by such an important person? I know being blocked on Tumblr isn't something you should take personally, but without any discussion? I don't wanted but took it personally, and that's what triggered my super-strong-anxiety-attack that made me feel sick today.
So, for that reason, I decided to check their pinned post again, see if I missed anything, violated any limits (unintentionally) or something, and then I logged in under another account, but I didn't find anything. But, of course, I still wanted to see their posts, and I kept seeing them (even though every time I remembered that anxiety and wondered if I was too horrible to be blocked by someone so amazing).
Then, checking out this blog of theirs and some other sideblogs (sorry, I know what I did sounds terrible, and it really was, but I became so obsessed with what I could have done, maybe this is my possible AvPD but I'm not sure), I found two very interesting things...
First, a post that started with "hey antis" (🚩?) and then went on to say that assuming that all transid or paraphilic people should "see a psychologist/psychiatrist" is the same as assuming that people with other disorders have to go to therapy to "cure themselves" and only then be allowed to live in society. And, in fact, if you think of "transid" as meaning, in this specific case, BIID or Munchausen (I'm not sure if that's how you spell it but I believe you know what I'm talking about), and think that paraphilic disorders still are disorders, it's a good point to make, so I didn't mind so much... But I was a little more alert.
So the second one was posted on the main blog, and it was simply they saying that "transid ppl are not racists or ableists, and most antis are ableists because they think being transid is a disorder and still shame people for it" and... Yeah, I think that concludes the story. I felt sick today because of the anxiety of the other days, but more than that, I can't stop thinking about it. It's like my whole world has fallen apart. Such a loved person in my community... and they simply support transid. Crying, screaming even.
TL;DR: there is this super famous blog in my identity community and I finally overcame my shame and started following them a few days ago, but I was blocked days later. I started looking at their blog (and sideblogs) to see why they blocked me, and I found, on a sideblog, a post saying "hey antis" and arguing that transids shouldn't be forced to go to therapy, and after forgiving that one, I found another post on their main blog, and this time it was just them saying that antis are ableists because "they think being transid is a disorder and they still persecute transid ppl".
sorry for the late answer
long ass ask so imma just let others read
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elytrafemme · 2 years
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@evilpuzzlingpapercrown and also @eternallyworm because i haven’t been checking evilpuzzlingpapercrown recently and missed the latest response by several hours even though i was kinda online at the time
~ now here is the message that took me 2 hours to write (i got distracted)~
shimmying into your inbox hello hello an irl almost found out i was a system today by following one of my alter blogs. ✨yippie✨
tbh!!! idk if he actually realized because 1. he didn’t like the pinned post but 2. he sent an ask saying “omg it’s you” (possibly a reference to the inclusion of “my main is puzzlingpapercrown” in the top of the pinned) 3. he still might have not read the read more 4. i sent them the men and black gif and they were confused 5. i immediately blocked him from that blog and privated the pinned 6. we have had 3 conversations since then and she never mentioned it
conclusion? i have no freaking idea what i’m doing ever 💅
claps my hands together i am here. today. to talk. aka to answer the question you handed me in the last ask response but i have lots to say… so it’s another ask BABY. okay i’ll admit my typing style is kinda fucked right now but we’re managing 
i feel like making some like short responses to some things in the response to the ask before covering the question so here we go (imagine me doing that silly drumming on the desk that like hyper salesmen do. or something)
freaking hyped that i have the dahlia hawthorn seal of approval. like for real we are quite thrilled. we are quite hesitant with interacting with anyone so i am thankful for this. there will likely be an ask one day in dahlias inbox(most likely from Jupiter tbh) 
shaking hands on the switching thing. i think the worst time a difficult switch was like *trying* to happen was one of my drivers ed driving sessions. like in the middle of driving and my eyes are unfocusing and my brain is literal soup and that was a freaking moment for real. didn’t stop till i like got home and crashed. it also prompted me to think “hypothetically if i was a system perhaps and maybe that was a switch or SOMETHING”
okay and also that’s so interesting that there’s those tiny shifts in appearance for ya. i don’t know but it’s just interesting to hear an individual experience on stuff (for me it’s like a change in perception of my appearance. like i look different and feel different about how i look depending on who’s fronting. even if i look the exact same there’s something off in the brain and it’s so funky)
OKAY AND QUESTION YOU ASKED ME tehehe 
“ do you also like... ever feel the process of a memory actively getting repressed?”
okay tbh yes. and it’s like uh. there’s multiple ways this sorta happens.
for starters i can very much tell when a period of time is going into the hashtag memory vault because i will have the worst memory of the events while they’re happening. most recently i can recall, i forgot in full basically everything about after 24 hours of it happening. everything i remember is what my sister said about it afterward. yippie!
however even smaller events i can sorta figure out that they’re going to be hashtag in the vault in the moment. it’s like our perspective feels small and maybe even blurry all around. and then even directly trying to recall events from within that moment are very choppy.
idk how to describe it but it’s there.
and! with some important information we’ve developed a system of like for fully logging information. so like an important memory we will sorta lock an image and singular thought into the brain regarding the event as a way to make sure everyone has a memory of the moment. this was a tactic we came up with long before realizing we were a system which is funny. 
so a good amount of my memories from like a while ago are singular faded images with like a sentence of thought. 
okay i realize this is even longer than before but i’m having the time of my life with talking about this hahdjfj okay yea 
i also did stop for like an hour to look on instagram and fell down a rabbit hole of small buisness making makeup brands. yea
ANYWAY PEACE AND LOVE ✨💕✨💕✨💕✨ YEAAAAAA (but for real thank you for listening and talking i’ll try and respond in the comments this time)
HIYA!!! Hoping answering this activates something in me TM because I'm getting such nice asks on both my alter's sideblogs but i want them to front to answer them :((( hopefully they decide 2 say smth but for now just me Mare again!
absolutely fascinating and yet horrifying experience oh my God. see I'm playing with fire b/c the first person I would ever tell about systemhood is my best friend who is also the only person i know IRL that has access to this blog. so it's like I wouldn't hate it if xe sees this but also it's pretty dicey that it's written all over this blog and xe definitely could see it. but. shrugs.
still. goddamn that is either lucky or like. unfortunate. either way uhhhh hope things r alright with that
yep! Dahlia's approval is hard to acheive and I can say that because she hated me at first but now she's basically my older sister so we chill we chill. yeah idk she's a cynic so she likes The Good Intentioned TM and appreciates that u guys are like. so caring and kind to me all the time. and also finds you all funny. so like. thumbs up emoji
OUGH THAT'S AWFUL!!! HATE THAT HATE THAT. Long switches fucking SUCK don't know how long u all have those, typically ours don't last too long but the first time Nightshade fronted. hoo boy. that was a rough 30 minutes . still Drivers ed.... fucking SUCKS goddamn.
totally get that w perception, i think sometimes it's like that for us but usually even if our face looks the same there's something about the way we hold ourselves that's distinctly different. like how we set our jaw or the way our eyes slant or something. yeah!
THAT'S SO INTERESTING WAIT. the fact that you guys have a memory storing system for important memories is SO so fascinating and like. i'm so glad u have that bc that seems to be so helpful!!! from how u describe it at least idk i hope it's helpful! and the blurriness is interesting and also hashtag relatable; for us it's less blurriness and more exhaustion but at some point exhaustion becomes blurriness. at any given point in time if someone in the headspace wants me to not think about something they put my brain in sleepy mode and i can't think. assigned naptime at hosting
if any businesses stand out or seem super cool feel free to share with the class bestie
yeah :D u can talk to me whenever i mean that. im sorry im so bad at answering ur asks i always wanna give them my full attention unfortunately i have the worst attention span in the world. promise i love talking to u all though :D
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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years
Text
What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki- pt.2
Bakugou x f!reader
Warnings: Angst, Mentions of suicidal thoughts, fluff, insane behavior, nsfw, noncon! Dubcon!, murder, stalking, abusive behavior, yandere!Bakugou, cursing, blood, lowkey kinda slow burn (meaning the beginning is a little boring BUT IT GETS GOOD I SWEAR😭)
Ep. Warnings: Angst, hitting, cursing, stalking, kidnapping, murder
Summary: It’s been awhile since you’ve left him. Two months actually but it was two months too long. Katsuki was slowly going insane and I guess you could say he officially has because he’s officially snapped. You become his main target, his number one priority, his entire being even though you’re trying to leave him. But Katsuki won’t let you. You’re his..and in the words of Bakugou Katsuki..you always will be.
A/N: ....I made it a yandere story y’all. OH SHI-
BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST
Chapter 1
Twitch, twitch, twitch. That’s all Katsuki’s body been doing. Either his eyes or his fingers, his body is uncomfortably moving. Shit doesn’t feel right for him. And he knows exactly why. You left him.
The first week was horrible. All Katsuki did was cry. He even kept his destroyed home in shambles because he couldn’t find the motivation to do anything. If it wasn’t for Kirishima, Katsuki would have starved himself to death. The second week was just as bad. Nothing but a crying baby being taken care of by his best friend.
The third week is when Katsuki become a drunkard. He made Kirishima and the boys of the Bakusquad constantly take him out whenever. As long as the place served alcohol, he would go. He would go and drink himself to sleep. While he was intoxicated he would cry about how he misses you and how he was a terrible husband. He always said you deserved better but he was too in love with you to let you go. The 4th week was pretty much the same.
After a whole month without you, Katsuki threw himself into depression. For the entirety of the second month, he locked himself within the walls of his home. Thankfully, it was now considered a home environment once again after his dear friends cleaned the place up for him. Katsuki stayed inside all day, drank his soul away every night, and sobbed constantly. Constantly regretting how he neglected you, how he mistreated you, and how he hurt you. He doesn’t even know how he even brought himself to do that. Even though he’s been alone for almost 2 months, he still had hope that you would come back. That things would go back to normal and he would be a better husband to you, just like he promised.
Katsuki felt himself going mad and slipping away, but what pulled the trigger was what Kirishima brought to him on the 6th week.
Flashback
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?”
Katsuki looked down at the papers in his hands. Kirishima had walked in with a nervous and sad look on his face when he gave Katsuki the papers you had the red head deliver. “Sorry man...”
Katsuki shook as he stared at the divorce papers with wide eyes. He saw you already signed it and all the paper needed was his signature. His face grew dark as something in his mind snapped. Katsuki turned to his friend and instructed him to get out of his home.
“What? Man are you alright?” Kirishima said. He walked to his best friend and when he reached a hand out for him, Katsuki pulled on his arm and pushed him out the door. He slammed it shut and locked it as he looked at the papers.
A scary smile grew on the man’s face. His eyes grew crazy as he laughed maniacally. Hysterically. As if what he held was the most hilarious thing in the world. His palms began to spark as he used his quirk to destroyed the papers. The quick blast made his hair floof around a bit and when it was over, a pile of ashes lay at his feet.
“She-....she thinks she can leave me?” Bakugou began to walk to the framed picture on the coffee table. He picked up the picture of you both on your last anniversary and ran his finger over the image of you. “Poor Princess....you can’t leave me. You need me. Just as much as I need you. I mean..hehe...look at what I mess I’ve been. I can only assume you must be worse. But it’s okay, love...I’ll find you soon enough..and I’ll help you feel better,” he walked to his bedroom and layed down on the soft mattress as he held the frame close to his chest as he stared sinisterly at the ceiling, “and we’ll never be apart again.”
The 7th week was when it began. Katsuki took some time off of work. He was gonna be too busy for hero work. He had something much more important to do. He had to bring you home.
Katsuki spent the 7th week looking for information on you. He was up 24/7 reading all he can, talking to as many people as he can, and doing all the digging he could until he found you. Unfortunately for him but luckily for you, he found nothing. It pissed him off. How could you have completely erased your existence? Did you just go into hiding or was he not searching hard enough.
This time, the luck switched. Katsuki was just walking to the store when he looked to the far side and saw you in a cab. He had to do a double take to make sure he wasn’t mistaken but after a good glance and taking a picture for confirmation, he knew it was you. His body almost betrayed him as he almost went in to run after you but luckily his brain stopped him. He had to think. Katsuki hid in an alleyway nearby as he watched you from the side. When the driver continued down the road, that’s when he began to follow you. He used his hero training and quirk to keep up with the car. He followed you for miles until the cab finally stopped at some hotel. He watched you walk in and decided this was far enough.
He knew where you were now. He could wait a little longer before snatching you up. If he did it now in broad daylight, chaos would break out. He had to wait for the perfect moment to get you back. He was okay with waiting. He knew where you’ve been staying, how to get there, and knew what time you got back from wherever that cab picked you up. And then it hit him. The cab.
Katsuki went back to look at the picture he took of you in the cab and checked the license plate. With this information, he went home to find where the vehicle was.
Katsuki busted the door open to his home and ran straight to his in-home office. He went to log onto his work laptop that he used for hero work. The laptop contained the tools and websites that would allow him to find the cab. He finally reached the site he was looking for and went back to the picture. There, he typed in the license plate number.
“よ 57-342” he whispered aloud. Finally, he located the vehicle and went to find it. Katsuki followed the location until he found the house where the driver stayed. He waited in hiding, hoping someone would come out and hoped that the someone would be the driver. He waited and waited until finally, after almost 2 hours of waiting, a man came out. Katsuki quickly pulled up the picture and made sure it was the same person who was driving you, and to his luck, it was.
He quickly ran to the driver before he could get into the cab and pulled him into a dark corner. He slammed the man up against the wall and pulled up a picture of you. “Listen! You dropped this girl off at a hotel, I need to know where you picked her up! Tell me! Now!”
“W-whoa!” The driver exclaimed as he took notice of Katsuki’s identity. “Y-you’re Dynamight!”
Katsuki sucked his teeth at the fact that this guy knew who he was but then again, he wasn’t surprised. He was the number 2 hero after all. “Yeah! I am! Now tell me where you picked up my wife you dog-faced loser!” He screamed.
“Y-you’re wife??” The man looked at the picture and recognized you and the name you gave him. “Oh! M-Miss Y/N! Yes! Uh-..uh- I- she- I- ..I picked her up from a gym!” The man exclaimed.
“What gym?! Tell me!!!” Bakugou shouted at the man.
“I-I’m sorry! I don’t know if I can! She- she said she got divorced so how can I trust you’re her husband?!” The man shouted in fear.
“Are you calling me a liar?! I’m a fucking pro-hero! Why would I pull some bullshit like that! Tell me where my wife was! What?! Gym?!” Bakugou screamed once more. In fear, the man gave Katsuki the information he needed.
“Hosu Gym!” The man shook and Bakugou stared for a minute to scare the poor guy before dropping him to the ground. As he walked away, the man spoke up once more. “D-Dynamight, sir. I-If miss Y/N doesn’t want to see you..and you’re forcing information out of people..I’ll have to tell the authorities..sir.”
“You’re not gonna do a damn thing. You hear me?!” The pro screamed. Bakugou side eyed the man as he watched the driver get up from the ground.
“Sir. From the small conversation we had in the car, Miss Y/N said she was divorced-“
“We aren’t divorced!!” Bakugou said as he made a random explosion to intimidate the man. “We are still together, and she is still my wife, and none of this is any of your business!” Bakugou began to walk away but heard the driver grumble something under his breath that triggered something in his brain.
“I can see why she left a crazed man like you...” the driver mumbled. Katsuki quickly snapped his body to face the man and jumped on him. His burning hand found it’s way around the man’s neck and began to squeeze.
“The hell did you say?! You’re gonna wish you never said that you fucking fool, cuz now those are gonna be your last words!” Bakugou said before he activated an explosion and killed the man. Katsuki took deep breaths before realizing what he did and for some reason, he felt no remorse. And he knows why.
“That idiot should’ve known better than to talk about me and Y/N like that...s’his own fault he died.” Bakugou said before walking away from the gruesome scene. He acted like nothing happened as he made his way to Hosu Gym. He just needed to know what time your got there and when. Then, he could finally go home before continuing his plan for the next day.
The blonde decided to wait for some time before he went into the building. It was getting dark and so the gym would be closing soon. He waited and waited until finally, the place was empty. Empty except for the man who worked at the front desk.
Katsuki slipped in right before closing and hid himself in the locker room. He waited 10 minutes before going out and finding the one employee he saw. After exploring the area, Katsuki found the man sitting on a bench. He snuck up behind him, and pounced. He covered the man’s mouth as he tugged him into the back room. Once inside, The blonde threw the man in and locked the door to prevent anyone getting in or out.
“W-What is going on? D-Dynamight, what is happening?” The employee asked in fear. He assumed a threat was going on or some trouble was taking place outside of the gym. He had no idea the trouble was standing right in front of him.
“I need you to tell me when this lady came in.” Bakugou said and pulled up a picture of you. The man looked at the picture and shook his head.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t recognize-“
“YOU WILL! This woman came in here today and I need to know what time! TELL ME!” Bakugou screamed as he lit sparks in his palm. The man shook in fear at the hero’s booming voice and began to look harder. After a minute, he finally spoke.
“I- I remember. She came in hours ago! Sometime around 12 to 2!” The man said in hopes the yelling would stop. It didn’t.
“ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! There’s a huge space in between! I need to know exactly what time she came in! Don’t you morons have a sign in?!” Bakugou screamed.
“We do! We do sir!” The man nodded his head in fear. Bakugou huffed before walking over to him and dragging him by his collar to seat him on the chair in front of the computer.
“Then get into your data base and FIND MY WIFE!” The blonde screamed. The worker nodded frantically before getting right into it. Bakugou watched his every move and the computer. He kept a sparkling hand right next to the man’s head to keep him intimidated as he worked. Eventually, Bakugou saw your profile picture on the screen when the man scrolled down. “Stop. Her. Check what time she came in.”
The man read the drafts and spoke. “1:30 p.m.”
Bakugou nodded before walking to the door and unlocking it. He turned to the trembling man and gave a quick warning with a sinister smile. “If I ever find out that you told anybody, even your own damn friends or family, about what happened tonight, I won’t hesitate to come back and kill you. Am I clear?”
The man gave a quick and jittery “y-yes sir!” As he watched the pro-hero leave the room. Once Bakugou was gone, the man let out a breath of relief and allowed the few tears he was holding back to fall. Bakugou Katsuki definitely struck fear into those of the lives he met.
With this simple information, Bakugou smirked as he walked out the gym doors. He knows where you live, what gym you go to, what day you go, and what time you arrive. You were always a very punctual person. You had a schedule and you followed it through and through. He completely trusted the fact that when he came back here next week, he would be sure to see you. All he had to do now was wait 7 days.
7 days have passed and Katsuki was waiting for your presence in the gym. After finding out you arrived at 1:30, he showed up almost an hour earlier at 12 just in case. He waited and waited for you to show. He was almost out of patience, but after seeing that it was only 1:00, he settled the slightest bit. It wasn’t until he took notice of a familiar figure at the desk.
The man Katsuki had threaten nights ago was shivering and shaking in his boots as he greeted people at the door. He was aware that the pro hero was in the building and after the incident of what went down that night, he was definitely scared for his life. Bakugou began to walk to the man and said man could feel a scary aura coming around. When he turned, he was greeted with the sight of a smirking Katsuki.
“Hey friend,” Bakugou said with his hands in his pockets.
The man jumped at the sound of his voice and his scary presence made his eyes teary. “H-Hello Dynamight.”
“Thought I’d just come by to warn you again. When Y/N walks through those doors, don’t you fucking dare try telling her about me or my presence here. Got that.....” Katsuki said looking down at the man’s name tag. “Hiro Itadori? ‘Cuz if you do, your body goes boom. Understand?”
“Y-Yes Sir!” Hiro said as he looked to the ground with wide eyes as he felt himself break into a cold sweat. Bakugou patted the man’s back, causing him to flinch but when the hero walked away right after, Hiro calmed down. Unfortunately, that only lasted for about a second before you walked in.
“Hello Hiro!” You joyfully said. Your voice reached the ears of your ex-husband. Or more so, your “supposed to be” ex-husband. His ears perked up and he smirked as he hid behind a corner wall, taking the view of you in.
“Y/N.” He whispered to himself. He smiled and a blush bloomed on his porcelain skin as he admired you from afar. You were just as beautiful as he remembered. If anything, your looks seemed to have only gotten better. He watched as the man nervously greeted you and allowed you to go through with your workout. Katsuki smirked as he knew the man gave no hint at him being there, and so he would be able to watch you in peace.
Katsuki wasn’t there to keep tabs on your workout and what exercises you did. He was there just to watch you. Of course, while doing so, he admired you, but he was there to gain selfish intel. He watched you from start to end. Once you finished he followed you to your next location. It was still early and so it was safe to assume you weren’t heading to bed yet. He followed you back to your hotel and waited in another area until you walked out again. Sure enough, you did.
For the rest of the day, Bakugou followed and stalked your every move. He watched where you work, where you spent your free time, he followed you to the new cafe you seemed to enjoy, and then he followed you back to your hotel. Instead of waiting in another area and watching from afar, Bakugou climbed the side of the building and watched you from your hotel balcony through the glass door. He payed attention to your every move and noted what time you went to bed. Satisfied with the day’s revelations, he went back to his own home.
Knowing this information, Katsuki was able to sleep a little more peacefully. For the next few weeks, Katsuki followed this procedure. He became a full time stalker, even going so far as to call out of work for some time to put his full attention in you. He watched you like a hawk. He took note of everywhere you went, where you ate, who you spoke to, and what you did. All of it became engraved into his brain.
Now, Katsuki stood at your balcony for the umpteenth time as he stared at your sleeping form. It was deep into the night and with the moonlight on his back, he found enough courage and craze to open the door. He walked in quietly and shut the door, blocking the chilly air from seeping in to awaken your unconscious state. He approached your bed and crouched down to meet your face.
“Still as perfect as ever,” he whispered as he removed a few strands of hair out of your face. His touch didn’t seem to startle you and Katsuki took it as your body naturally indulging in his familiar touch. He blushed at the feeling of your oh so soft skin as his fingertips grazed your pillowy cheeks. His hand finally cupped the side of your face as his thumb drew circles along your skin. Your head unconsciously nuzzled into his warmth like it used to and Katsuki couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t worry Teddy Bear...I’ll bring you home soon.”
With that, Katsuki leaned down and softly placed a kiss on your lips. This was the lightest kiss he ever bestowed upon you. The pressure and weight was similar to a feather and the blonde struggled to restrain himself once he came in contact. He craved more but his mind knew better. Reluctantly, he pulled away and removed his hand from your face. He walked away, back to the balcony to take his leave but not before turning to look back at you. “Real soon.”
You woke up to a sense of familiarity in your room. Although you were alone, you could’ve sworn there was this chilling presence. It was faint but it was there. Taking in a breath and looking around at your surroundings, you reluctantly got out of bed and got ready for the day.
You did the usual. Got ready, got dressed, had breakfast, and went about your day. You went to the market to picked up a few things and ended up staying much longer than you liked. You walked in during daylight and came out when the sun was setting. You sighed in disappointment.
“Guess I can skip the gym this one time. I might as well get back home, read a book or two..” you went on talking to yourself about your schedule. You walked with the groceries in hand as you enjoyed the scenery on your way back, however, even with the shining sun creating it’s golden hour with a beautiful purple sky, you couldn’t help but feel wary of the stillness in the wind.
‘Where the fuck is she?!’ Bakugou thought to himself. He waited at the gym all damn day. He waited and waited to see your beautiful face but you never showed. If he had known that you would’ve skipped out on the gym today he wouldn’t have came here and wasted his time. Today was supposed to be the day. The day you came home.
Shaking off his negative thoughts, Bakugou continued with his backup plan. Although it would hurt his soul to bring harm to his precious princess, he reminded himself that he was doing this for her. He’s been so broken for the past months, he could only imagine how destroyed you must be. Hurting you was his way of helping you.
And so, Bakugou made his way to your hotel, where he found himself standing infront of your glass door at your balcony. To his dismay, you weren’t there. He released a huff before climbing down and once again, began to wait. He waited and waited in hiding, constantly on the lookout for you. It’s hard to find you in the city when you don’t follow your daily schedule, but knowing where you currently resided to get your rest made his job much easier.
Finally, after some time, he heard the familiar and comforting sound of your humming voice as you sang a little song to yourself. Bakugou took the sight of you in and blushed at your beauty from afar. He allowed himself to soak in the sound of your pretty voice before making his move. “Sorry Princess.”
You finally made it to the hotel. After your long stroll, you couldn’t wait to get some rest. Except, the closer you got, the more tense you became. You could feel the suspenseful aura in the air and your pace soon slowed down. Eventually, you came to a stop as your nerves got the best of you.
“Hello?” You said in the wind. You looked around and saw nothing but the pitch black night illuminated by the street lights and stars.
“Is someone there?” You asked again, turning your head another direction. Nothing but leaves in the wind. You released a sigh and continued your walk but became startled due to the sound of squirrels fighting in the trees.
“Ah!” You screamed and dropped your bag. After taking notice of the two animals going at it, you chuckled to yourself and turned to pick up your bag, unfortunately being startled once again at the sight of shoes in front of you. “AH!”
You jumped back in fear and took a fighting stance before you settled and relax at the sight of your supposed ex-husband. “Bakugou..it’s just you.”
“Mm, nope.” Bakugou said as he bent down to pick up your bag and hand it to you. “It’s Katsuki.”
His words sent your eyes rolling as you took your bag back with a hesistant hand. Something seemed..off.
“Not anymore. Thanks for the help. Bye.” You attempted to walk on to your hotel entrance but his arm stopped you.
“What? That’s it? Thanks? Bye?” Bakugou asked while gently pushing your body back in front of him. “We should talk, Y/N.”
“There’s nothing to talk abou-“
“There is.” Bakugou said with a firm voice, grabbing your full attention. Seeing your doe eyes look at him with caution caused him to settle. Bakugou sighed through his nose and allowed his hands to rest on your waist. “I miss you, Y/N. I want you to come back home.”
You shook your head at the idea and scrunched your eyes as you tried to step out of his hold. “Bakugou..”
“Hear me out, okay? It won’t be like last time, Teddy Bear-“
“You don’t know that-“
“I do. Because I’m going to try harder for you and I’m going to hold onto you and I’m not gonna ruin us for a second time. I still love you Y/N. I always have and I always will.” Bakugou sweetly said. You looked at him with the same eyes of caution before you placed your hands over his, giving him a sign of hope.
“I’m sorry, Bakugou,” you said, pulling his hands off of your waist. “I sent divorce papers. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I don’t love you anymore.”
“You don’t mean that.” Bakugou said with full confidence. Although you pulled his hands away from your waist, you still allowed him to keep a hold on your own hands.
“...I should.” You said looking down. With each word of denial, Bakugou took a step closer, invading your personal space. “You should get going-“
“No, Y/N-“
“Bakugou-“
“Baby. I know you still want me. I know you still love me and I know you’re excited that I’m back. I love you...and you love me. So just admit it.” He said, inches away from your face. You stared in his eyes with a look of longing...and a hint of love. He was right. You did still love him. But after the neglect and harm he’s brought you, you didn’t know if you did want to go back. You didn’t know.
Sensing your hesistation, Bakugou slowly moved in to close the gap between you two. His hands let go off yours as he wrapped his arms around your waist. His face inched closer to yours and when you didn’t stop him, he continued. Finally, he gently placed his lips upon your own and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel something again. His kisses always brought a comforting feeling of butterflies in your stomach and after a second of feeling his warm lips, you kissed him back. Your hands found way around his neck as you pulled him in deeper and you could feel Bakugou smile into the kiss. It was hot and passionate. You were out in the open but for a moment it felt like no one else in the world existed. You would’ve gotten lost in the kiss had it not been for you remembering the situation you were in with the man.
Reluctantly, you gently pushed Bakugou off of you, but he still managed to press his forehead to your own. “Katsuki...you should go home.”
“Not without you.” He softly said. You shook your head as you completely pushed him off of you and gathered your things.
“Please...just go.” You said and began to walk away but Bakugou held onto your arm to stop you from moving any further.
“I’m not leaving without you, Y/N. Come home.” He stated.
“Bakugou! Just leave!” You shouted as you turned to him. When you faced the blonde man, you were shocked to see a crazed smile decorating his face.
“Too bad. I’m not asking Y/N. I’m telling. You’re coming home with me. Tonight.” He said and you scoffed at him with slight fear.
“You’re crazy!” You said and tried to shake his hold off of you, but of course failed.
“About you? Yes.” He said as he pulled you in closer. You squirmed against his hold until he pressed you in his chest and kept you in his grasp. You continued to fight against him but he grabbed your face with one hand to force you to stop and look at him.
“Let me go!”
“Listen! You either come home with me the easy way..or my way.” He warned. You looked at him with fear laced all around your face as you watched his insane side surface. You began to squirm again and fight once more.
“I’m not going!” You spat. Bakugou just released a simple laugh before caressing the side of your face.
“Yes. You are.” With that, the gentle hand on the side of your face formed into a first as he swung and knocked you out. You dropped unconscious in his hold and Bakugou was quick to carry you princess style and walk away, abandoning your groceries on the sidewalk.
“Shoulda listened. Cant believe you forced me to hurt you like that, baby.” Bakugou spoke to your unconscious state as he walked back home through dead city streets. “Don’t worry though, I’ll take care of you once we make it back. And then, we’ll never be apart again. I promise.”
You awoke to chains being locked on your wrist that were tied against a headboard. You layed on a large mattress in a dark room with a dim light. As you looked around, you recognized the familiar place. The place you used to make love for hours with your ex-husband. The place where movie dates and cuddle sessions were a must. The place you locked yourself in before leaving your last relationship. Katsuki’s bedroom.
You tried to jump out of bed but the restraints pulled you back down. You tried to scream and only muffled sounds could be heard. Katsuki taped your mouth shut. You tried using your quirk but it didn’t work. You looked to your restraints and saw the cuffs he used to hold you were quirk restraining cuffs. With nothing else to do, you tossed and turned in the bed as you allowed the muffled sounds to be as loud as they could. Eventually, the ruckus you were making brought the attention of your captor. Katsuki Bakugou.
Hearing all the noise, Bakugou busted opened the door to be met with your frustrated and teary eyes. You glared at him as he smirked at your locked up state. He took the opportunity to walk up to you and caress your face.
“I’m so sorry I had to hit you baby,” he said leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead. “But you left me with no choice. All you had to do was come home on your own free will and I wouldn’t have had to do all that.”
You began to tremble with anger and fear as you stared up at the man. Your teary eyes challenged his insane rubies as he sat on the side of the bed.
“How does it feel to be back? Hm?” He asked, ripping off the tape. You groaned at the pain and grew sick as you saw Bakugou pervertedly lick his lips at the sound. You leaned back and huffed with heavy breath before answering him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?! Let me go!” You screamed. He only looked at you in confusion as another sinister smile took place on his lips.
“Why would I do that, Teddy Bear?” He asked, allowing his thumb to create sweet and soft circles on your cheek.
“I don’t want you anymore Katsuki! I don’t want to be with you!” Bakugou merely raised a brow at your words and continued to listen. “You burned me-“
*SMACK*
You looked at the man in front of you with fear and shock written on your face. Your cheek stung as your face now turned to the side but Bakugou quickly changed that by taking you by your chin to make you face him and wrapped a hand around your neck, chocking you. You gasped for air as Bakugou’s smirk became replaced with a frown and his brows became pointed.
“How dare you?! You’re asking what’s wrong with me but what the hell is wrong with you?! You left me, for months, Y/N. I was heartbroken. I was basically dead with you gone. I did you a fucking favor bringing you back. If I was so fucked, I can only imagine how horrible you must’ve been feeling. You’re lucky I came and save you. Saved us. And now, we can be happy again.” He explained.
“K-...Katsuki-..p-please!” You forced out, trying to beg for air.
“SHUT UP! I saved you, Y/N. So don’t even try to mention the little accident that happened so long ago, baby. Now you can forgive me. And don’t worry..I’m ready to listen to all the apologies you surely have for me...even if I have to choke them out of you.” He seethed with his hand tightening. Your eyes began to pop as the blood flow began to fill your face. Your eyes turned red as you struggled for air.
“I-...I-I’m..K-Katsuki! ...I’m sorry!” You shouted as best as you could. Luckily for you, the second you did, Bakugou’s hand lost its grip and simply rested on your neck. You choked and coughed as you relished in the sweet taste of oxygen. He smiled and leaned down to give your lips a sweet peck to shut you up and tapped your cheek before he walked to the door. Before leaving, he turned around to look at you and give you your official welcome back.
“I’m glad you’re home, baby. Can’t believe you really tried leaving. You’re mine, Y/N. And you always will be....don’t forget it.”
He slammed the door shut, walking away from the room with a smile. And you?
You cried.
A/N: Back by popular demand, we have part 2 to “What Have I Done.” How was it? In my opinion the beginning SUCKED! But I promise it’ll get better! The story will focus on Y/N and Bakugou’s new lives now so stay tuned and I hope you guys enjoyed it!
Tag list: @captainchrisstan @jazzylove @bakugous-trauma @konohahoee @whatdidshesayyy @chibiiichann @lover-of-helios @unicornlover25 @tamakisropebunny @iliketobullydeku @peacchfuz @fairybnha3 @ebiharachan @levimeko @5sos-wdw @naluciosa @anime-weeb-bnha @bakucumsackslut @asteria-obey-me
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Text
(/rp! also, huge trigger warning for assault, graphic violence, death, abuse, possessive behaviour, obsession, mental breaks, hallucination, really fucking creepy treatment of a corpse, unreliable narrators, the perspective of a villain, torture, manipulation, and gaslighting! this gets pretty fucked up).
When Dream sees Tommy for the first time, there is no dramatic shift, no acknowledgement that his life had changed forever. No knowledge of the fact. All he sees is a skinny little kid who's obnoxious and loud, and he catalogues him just as one of Philza’s strays and leaves it at that.
No, it’s when Tommy drives the sword into his chest for the first time, and Dream wakes up from his non-canon death smiling despite itself when it clicks. He’s not sure what “it” is, exactly, but it’s just something about him Dream hadn’t seen in anyone before that has him hooked, captivated from the beginning.
(There's the vague recollection that he was like Tommy once, a bright eyed naive youth too loud for his own good, but that’s not unique. It’s not that, at least not entirely.)
The conflict was not started by Tommy, nor was he of any particular threat to Dream, but he was fun. So he ignored the rest, and took the boy's music discs. He knew Tommy well enough that he’d fight for them, and fight he did, and even though Dream lost in the end he laughed all the while. He’d played many a game before, but none quite this fun!
They both know this isn’t where it’ll end. Only one hopes it will be.
——
Dream didn’t care much about Wilbur's little revolutionary movement at first. As long as he obeyed the rules, and stayed in the server, it wouldn’t matter whether he delusionally thought he was under his own governance or not.
This changed immediately when he learnt Tommy was involved.
L'Manburg, a name he didn’t bother to remember until he learnt Tommy named it, was tiny, barely any more than a scavenged old world vehicle and some trees. It’s populace was peaceful, only Wilbur even an adult. None of that mattered. It wasn’t that the nation was a threat, though he certainly wouldn’t dissuade his friends fear that it was. But fighting L'Manburg meant fighting Tommy, and Dream wouldn't pass up the opportunity for anything.
He grinned with glee behind his mask as he blew Tommy's strange dirt hovel “embassy” sky high, enthusiastically threatened Tommy before remembering half heartedly to threaten the rest of the nation. He made dealings, found weak links- a new immigrant to the SMP that joined L'Manburg after the war began, it turns out. He offered extravagant promises in exchange for their betrayal, hiding the strings attached to his fingers.
Oh, but it was all worth it when the person with the eyes of an old god lead the revolutionaries into a trap, all worth it when they descended on them at once. It was definitely worth it to kill Tommy, kill Tommy, see him scream and cry in pain and stumble trying to escape and him taking a shuddering last breath. Dream had never seen anything as beautiful.
(It was a war, and feelings like this were okay in wars, right? It’s not like he was obsessed, it’s not like he was a monster. He’d been trying to be good, and killing your enemies was good, right?)
He killed Tommy a second time, too. The boy with shaking hands and a leg hanging limp challenged him to a duel for his nations future. His loss was assured, and Dream knew Tommy knew that also. This one was quicker, Tommy dead between the arrow entering his skull and his broken body make a loud thud against the planks, but it was no less fascinating. If only he had infinite canon lives, Dream would happily give up any ambitions and spend eternity seeing the boy die in so many fascinating ways.
(No, what the fuck was he thinking? The SMP was worth more than some stupid kid, and Dream wasn’t so inept with morality to know torturing someone over and over, killing them, was wrong.)
(Yet, it was so tempting he was almost ready to renounce morality wholeheartedly.)
It eventually comes to the discs again, Tommy handing Dream his prized possessions for some silly little nation. Dream knew Tommy would do anything to get them back. Having so much control was addicting, even more than control of anything else. Dream had learnt long ago that if you didn’t have complete power over anything, people would take the power from you and make you hurt.
So why did he care more about control of some kid than avoiding his own pain?
——
Dream would have sided with Tommy. Really, he would have, but Schlatt just had the better deal.
He holds the book in his hands, power filling him. He repeats the incantation, sacrifices the blood from his veins. He stares into the face of a man near-identical.
“”Brother dearest,”” he says, voice level. “”What do you wish of me?””
Dream grins behind his mask. “”Tommy.””
Wishes must come true, Dream thinks, as he sits on the beach of Logstedshire, Tommy passed out and leaning against his arm.
Oh, what he’d give for this moment to last forever. Alas, it passes, like they all do. Still, Tommy's getting so obedient lately- barely even grumbling as he threw his item into the hole. Part of him missed when Tommy would fight back all the while- his pained screams were entertaining. Still, it was safer this way, and more enjoyable in the long run. He’d hate to have his little songbird break it’s neck against the cage doors, never to sing again.
He’s not sure when life outside of Tommy became a chore, but he remembers dimly that it wasn’t always like that. There was a Dream long ago that wouldn’t give up friends and family, who'd cry over losing them even if he’d cut their threads voluntarily. He wasn’t that Dream anymore, the numb feeling in his chest a sign of growth. It didn’t matter that everything outside of Tommy was so miserable, because just being around the boy was a feeling a hundredfold better than any happiness he felt before.
Still, he had duties and responsibilities. Ones that seemed so important long ago, so fulfilling. Maybe one day they’d feel like that again. He had plans, from what he learnt. Government had not left him satisfied, but- whatever you could call what his relationship with Tommy was, it definitely did. Family, he supposed, recognising the boys actions towards him and his brothers. If he could make the entire server like that, that’d be a happiness greater than any other, apart from how Tommy made him feel.
He spent time with Tubbo, getting further and further towards getting that stupid fucking ram boy to calling him a friend and giving him Tommy's disc, all he wanted from him.
(He wasn’t jealous, of course he wasn’t. The anger he felt whenever Tommy called Tubbo a friend, that wasn’t jealousy. That was just logical).
Far more interesting was checking on the prison's completion. When it’s completed, it’d truly be a thing of beauty. Of course, his favourite part was the main cell, that he’d put so much thought into. He’d included all the little things that made Tommy squirm, made his breath hitch and eyes dart around fearfully. That would be so much fun.
(Tommy would learn to appreciate the fun in time, too. He was a smart boy, if irritatingly yet fascinatingly stubborn. He just needed to be taught that if he listened and just played along, Dream could give him the world.)
It took far too long, but eventually it finished, and he could return to the ugly mess of tents and logs he’d made so sure Tommy could never leave. He always started shaking when Dream showed up, trying desperately to hide his fear in his voice, and it was absolutely adorable. Dream savoured it, savoured everything about Tommy as they spent hours talking. Everything, his hysterical laugh, his nervous glances for escapes, the way he flinched whenever Dream grabbed his shoulder, his wrist, the poorly hidden look of pain when he held tighter, just hard enough to irritate the bruises that painted his skin a canvas of black and blue, it was all perfect.
Only he could love Tommy this much, and in time he knew Tommy would learn to appreciate that.
——
The second time he used the book, a tower extended from the ruins of the makeshift prison he’d made for Tommy. DreamXD stated ahead of him.
“”Brother dearest,” he said, “why are you calling on me again so soon?””
“”Bring him back,”” he said, voice painfully numb.
DreamXD shrugged a shoulder, golden hair waving around like in water. “”Who?””
“”Tommy.””
“”I cannot,”” DreamXD said. “”He lives.”” Dream couldn’t help but smile at hearing that.
“”Then bring him back to me.””
DreamXD laughed, a sound like church bells. “”That would be unnecessary. Did I not already grant you the mortal?””
Dream clenched his fist hard enough blood dripped onto scorched earth. “”He left me-“”
“”And you shall find him, no matter what.”” DreamXD smiled under the mask. “”You are bonded to him, and neither death nor distance shall break that. Just look, and you will find him, til the end of time and even past.””
“”Thank you,”” Dream said, genuinely for once.
“”Only the best for my little brother and sister. And I know you would do the same for us, brother dearest.””
——
His planning had come to fruition for once.
They were alone, in the depths of the Earth, just him, Tommy, the fucking hilarious excuse for a “president” Tommy called a friend for some reason, and his axe.
Finally, he could bring his dreams to fruition. He could get rid of any loose threads, and claim what was rightfully his. And once he’d taught Tommy to be grateful, he could get to work on the rest of the server.
It’d be beautiful. Everyone would be his friend, his brother, his sister, something in between. There would be no more wars, just peace. Everyone would be safe, he’d know they’re safe and they’d never rip him to pieces and laugh at his pain. And oh, it’d like be hard work, breaking everyone into obedience but not too much to the point they become boring, but so enjoyable and satisfying. He’d almost be disappointed when it was over.
Tommy- his Tommy, his Tommy, was crying, and it was amusing but he almost wanted to reach out and comfort him and explain it’d all be for the best. He’d do that later, once he’d secured him and any loose ends were gone forever. He couldn’t afford weakness until they were alone, but Tommy made it so tempting.
The ram and Tommy hugged a final goodbye, and the adoration he had towards Tommy, hiding his fear behind a smile, made Dream fucking sick. He should know Tommy was his. They all should know. He’d teach them, when he made the server a perfect family. Even Tubbo, if Tommy begged enough. Dream would do anything to hear Tommy's pathetic, gorgeous begging, breaking through his aggressive walls, and bringing back some random sheep was easily in his brother's power.
See, he could be kind. He wasn’t cruel, he wasn’t a monster. He didn’t even care if he was anymore, fun was so much more important than nonsensical human concepts, but it wasn’t even true. He could be incredibly, selflessly kind, as long as he had a reason. They’d learn, once he fulfilled his dream.
The sound of a nether portal, of betrayal, shatters his dreams and at this point he wonders why he’s surprised.
——
He’d had doubts, during the weeks (months, years? he had no way of knowing) he’d been trapped in the cell, but Tommy being here with him confirmed his design was excellent.
Oh, Tommy was being fucking obnoxious- and Dream knew he was doing it on purpose- but he saw it in the way he never was able to look at the lava properly, the way he always woke up in a cold sweat calling for his daddy like the child he insisted he wasn’t. It was perfect.
(Of course it was, though. It’s not hard to build on something already perfected, and Tommy was the perfect little toy.)
Tommy was so frustratingly different though. He tried not to take it out on him- it wasn’t his fault that everyone else spread lies, planted nonsense in his head about Dream being bad and not trying to do the best for everyone but especially for him- but he struggled sometimes, and it was always so tempting to hurt Tommy anyway, and get lost in the melody of his screams. It wouldn��t teach Tommy anything though, and that’s what was important. He needed to teach Tommy what was best for him.
Tommy had unlearnt all the lessons Dream painstakingly taught him. That wouldn’t be an issue- it was so, so fun to teach- but he knew, painfully deep down in his heart that he could not hold Tommy forever, not yet. The lockdown wasn’t forever, and Dream had no escape route yet. Tommy would just forget everything again, at the hands of his “friends” that couldn’t love him as much as Dream did. They needed to learn far more than Tommy did.
(Except Ranboo of course- oh, the purple eyed boy had the silly naive thoughts in his head everyone seemed to have that friendship was anything but possessing another, but he agreed family came first, listened to Dream, helped him, even with clenched teeth.)
And when one day the frustration got to Dream one day and he was so furious he hit Tommy again and again against the walls of the prison and strangled him until he was cold all he could do was laugh and laugh and laugh.
It was so, so funny, because of course he’d be the one to destroy everything he loved.
——
This time, when DreamXD is called, he looks upon his brother with concern.
“”Brother dearest,”” he says, “”are you quite alright?””
Dream laughs, because of course he’s alright! The tears staining his face must be joy, because of course he’s alright. He’s holding Tommy here, with him, and he was quiet, he must be listening. He can’t be dead, he can’t be, then there’d be no point to any of this.
“”Drista has been concerned for you for quite a while, you know,”” DreamXD continued. “”Is this because of your mortal?””
“”He’s been ever so quiet lately,”” Dream said, with a voice hoarse from crying and laughter. “”I’m not sure to be concerned or happy with him.””
“”You’re not well, Dream.”” DreamXD said, with a tone of finality despite clearly being wrong. “”The boy is dead.””
Dream laughs. “”And yet he does not slip from my grasp.””
“”Then, brother, why did you call me?””
The silence pierces through air like a knife. Eventually, through hiccuping sobs, Dream says “”Just, please, bring him back.””
Tommy sputters to life with ghostly eye and pure white streaks and more bruise on him than corpselike skin and Dream thinks he has never been more perfect.
——
Quackity's left, he thinks, because the pain's stopped growing.
He laughs, because he doesn’t know what to fucking do anymore but laugh. He can’t give up the secrets of the book, of course he can’t. Family comes first, after all, and he dreads to think what the bastard would do to his brother. But the pain was awful, never ending in waves through his whole body, and he almost just wants to confess so he can die.
He cradles what’s left of his arm since the bastard cut it off at the elbow, and he sobs. He doesn’t even care to hide it with his mask. It’s not even the pain that hurts the most, even. It’s that Tommy's gone, and by the time Dream escapes- because he’s going to escape, he’s got to- he might be so far from his grasp even their fates being tied might not be enough.
“Of course that’s not true,” a fake voice says in his head, and wavy form approaches. Fuck, the blood loss must be bad today. It always is when he sees things. Usually it’s George or Bad or Sapnap, and it leaves him with a numb feeling in his chest that he’s familiar with, but today it’s Tommy, and that’s worse. It reminds him of what he cannot hold.
“Fuck off,” he mouths at the apparition, voice too tired and hoarse from screaming to speak properly. Not-Tommy laughs, and the sound is so similar to Tommy he almost thinks that his desperate prayers have been answered, Tommy is there again, but he reached his fingers forward and they go through his tired hallucination.
“You’re a real dick, you know that?” Not-Tommy says, and laughs again. “But I know you mean the best.” Dream shrugs his shoulder at the fake, and then curls up, new waves of pain curling up his arm.
“I don’t know why I was ever friends with that bastard.” Not-Tommy lies, and Dream wants to believe it. “You’re just having fun. He’s cruel.” Tommy would never understand that clear distinction, no matter how much Dream explained it, but the fake said it with such conviction it was almost enough for Dream to fall for it.
“When you get out, I’ll be there, Dream. And then we can all be a big happy family,” Not-Tommy says, the thoughts so obviously Dream's and not Tommy’s but- the idea that Tommy understood, that he saw sense, was so tempting, Dream allowed himself to believe it, just for a second. Just until the pain started anew.
Broken and bloody, Dream drifted into unconsciousness with a smile on his face.
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guardianofrivendell · 3 years
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I’ve Got You
Fíli x fem!reader  
Requested: Yes, by me 😂, based on this post 
Warnings: Jealous and worried Fili, cheeky Kíli, awkward Thorin and angst if you squint 
A/N: It’s finally here! A whopping 7k (when I made the outline of the story I thought about 1.5k, 2k tops but then I added a subplot and I kept going and going...) I wrote this as a treat for myself because selflove is very important and I have no shame.  Special thanks to @katethewriter​ for her advice, grammar check and helping me calm down when I thought this was rubbish!
A/N2: Another reminder that English isn’t my native language, so I’m sorry if it’s not as poetic as it should be. That’s the fault of my lack of decent English vocabulary.
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Every quest comes with the possibility of danger, injury or even death. It was drilled into you by your parents, but that didn’t stop you from joining your two friends Fíli and Kíli on their quest to reclaim their home. It wasn’t like you had anything else to do and besides, you never went on an adventure before. How could you say no to such an opportunity? Not even the prospect of traveling with 13 male dwarves could stop you. You liked them, they liked you. This would be like one giant sleepover! There was some small protest from your future companions, mainly Thorin and Dwalin, who didn’t want to take you with them. A tiny woman like yourself on this dangerous quest? You would only slow them down. That’s what they said to you, but the main reason was they only wanted to protect you; keep you safe from all the dangers of the quest. After you asked them again and again - maybe even begged, but you’d never admit it to anyone - and you promised them you could take care of yourself and they needed your skills, and after both Fíli and Kíli had promised to keep an eye on you and keep you safe, Thorin reluctantly agreed. 
The journey had only been going on for a few weeks, when the two brothers broke their promise. It was the umpteenth day of constant hiking, climbing and trudging through mud, water and dirt. Gandalf had left the company, and it had affected everyone’s mood for the worst. You kept yourself at the back of the group the entire day, feet and legs sore from the constant walking, but unwilling to say something about it. You had promised you wouldn’t be a burden, so you weren’t going to be one. 
In the late afternoon you reached a gully with a rickety looking bridge. On the other side, about 100 yards from the edge was a thickly wooded forest that seemed to go on forever. You didn’t know why but it gave you the creeps. A shiver ran across your spine, making you shake your shoulders and Kíli raised an eyebrow at you. He and Fíli took turns walking next to you to keep you company, and today it was his turn. You gestured to him it was nothing, but he kept an eye on you just in case. It wasn’t like you to be this quiet and he was starting to get worried. Maybe this quest was too much for you after all. “We will cross the bridge, and take our rest for the night at the edge of the forest,” Thorin ordered. It wasn’t even near supper time yet, but the dwarven King had noticed his company was getting tired. An extra few hours of rest would do them good, and hopefully lift up their spirits. The otherwise rambunctious and loud group of dwarves were too quiet for his liking.
“You’ve been awfully quiet today, Y/N,” Fíli asked you with a worried look, noticing you had been walking slower than before. He had been trying to talk to you before, but Thorin took his constant attention. Now that they were rearranging the weight in their packs in preparation to cross the bridge - that didn’t seem like they could hold their weight, Fíli thought - he had a few minutes to himself. You smirked at him. “I could say the same thing about you, Fee.” He gave you a wide smile. When you were done repacking your bag under the watchful eye of the two brothers, you waited for further instructions from Thorin. 
Dwalin had to go first, and Bombur second. If they could make it to the other side, the bridge would be safe for all of you. The bridge was in ruin, but seemed solid enough. It creaked and groaned when Dwalin slowly crossed it, and everyone thought it would break under Bombur’s weight but it surprisingly held on.
Fíli had to go next, and he looked back at you. “See you on the other side, mimûna,” he teased. (little one) You rolled your eyes at the nickname, but couldn’t stop the blood rising in your cheeks. Even though you were 4 inches taller than him, he still called you little. For a human you were on the small side, true, but what you lacked in height you’d like to think you made up for in fierceness. You hated and loved the nickname. You were the only one fortunate enough to get one - aside from his brother of course - and it made you feel important. Like you mattered. 
The others of the company slowly made their way over the bridge, one by one. It took some time because they couldn’t rush, carefully taking every step, testing the remaining strength of the next log. It seemed to you the ropes of the bridge were making more noise, and most of the logs were creaking so loud you expected them to break at any moment. Every crack made you flinch. Kíli noticed your discomfort. He was about to make the crossing, but decided he would stay with you. Ori shook his head before he took Kíli’s place. 
When everyone else had crossed the gully, only you and Kíli were left. “You go ahead, Kee, I’ll be right behind you,” you said to him. He watched you for a few seconds, before turning his head to the forest, where Fíli was. His brother would kick him into next week if he would let anything happen to you. “You sure?” “Yes! Go on, I’ll be fine,” you assured him. 
You took a few deep breaths when Kíli was halfway down the bridge, knowing it was almost your turn. The others didn’t wait for you, all of them eager to reach the forest so they could rest their feet and have a nice hot meal. When Kíli finally reached the end, one of the logs broke off and he could barely hold himself up on the tattered rope. He jumped over the hole and landed on the edge with a thump. He immediately threw his pack aside and turned around, gesturing at you to start walking. 
“Just go slow,” he yelled. I’d rather just start running and get it over with, you thought but decided against it. You carefully put one foot over the other, hands clamped over the ropes. The logs started groaning heavily under your weight and you didn’t know whether to be terrified or insulted. You decided to freeze instead. “Y/N?” Kíli asked. “It’s okay to be scared! Just look at me alright?” “I’m not scared,” you yelled back. “I just don’t trust this bridge!” Against your better judgment, you looked down. The gully seemed a lot deeper from up here! “No, look at me! Keep your eyes locked in mine, I know you want to!” Kíli laughed, his joking nature never too far gone. You did as he asked, and he guided you over the bridge one step at a time. 
Kíli was relieved he had been able to calm you down. He didn’t like how the bridge moved and protested against your movements, his goal was to get you off as quickly as possible. He kept gesturing at you to keep moving, speaking encouraging words now and then. But the closer you got to the missing log, the heavier the creaks got. The wood had endured too much with a full company of dwarves with heavy loaded packs running over it moments before. He noticed your face twisting in fear. 
“Hey, Y/N, don’t worry. It’s going to be okay!” It was not going to be okay, and he knew. He looked behind him, but the other members of the company were too far off except for Nori and Dori. “Throw me your bag, you’re close enough,” he said, trying to think of ways to make it safer. But he shouldn’t have asked you that. The minute you threw your pack, you placed your foot on another log for support. The log broke off under the sudden weight, and your foot fell through, sending the broken log pieces into the river below. In an attempt to keep your balance, you took a step forward with your other foot on the next log only for it to break as well. 
“Y/N!” Kíli cried, his eyes wide in horror. You frantically clawed at the remaining parts of the bridge, but it all started to crumble down, taking you with it. “No!” he yelled, rushing towards the edge. His yelling alerted the rest of the company, most of them turning around to see what the fuss was about. ”What’s wrong, Kee?” Fíli yelled all the way from the front. They had reached the edge of the forest and were already busy setting up camp. 
“Kíli!” Thorin yelled when he didn’t answer. 
Fíli watched his brother drop to his knees, looking over the edge of the gully. Nori and Dori soon joined him, gesturing wildly to each other. 
“What in Durin’s name are they doing?” Thorin asked him. “Did someone fall down?”
Fíli did a quick headcount, and to his horror he realized there was one person missing. They saw Kíli slowly lowering himself over the edge, confirming their suspicions. His first reaction was to look for you, and when he couldn’t find you, his heart sunk. “It’s Y/N...” Fíli realised in shock, “Y/N!!” He threw his pack to the side and ran back to the bridge as fast as his legs could take him, ignoring his uncle’s cries. The only thing that mattered to him at that moment was you.  
In the meantime Kíli had lowered himself to the small ledge you were lucky enough to fall on. It was only a few yards and the undergrowth that was covering the side provided enough material to climb down without a rope. “Hold on, Y/N! I’m almost there,” he assured you. To his relief he saw you were still moving, and nothing seemed wrong at first sight. “I’m okay, it’s just my leg that’s stuck. These things are heavier than they seem.” Most of the broken logs had fallen into the river, but some of them fell down on the ledge with you, crushing your leg. You probably had some cuts and bruises too, but those were the least of your worries. You groaned when you tried to pull your foot from under the bridge pieces, ignoring Nori and Dori’s cries to keep still. The thing that was hurt the most though, was your pride. You had promised them you wouldn’t be a burden, that you could take care of yourself. And the first to be injured on the quest was you. You would laugh at the irony of it all if you weren’t so scared of the consequences. Thorin would probably leave you in the first town you would come across. 
Kíli hopped down on the ledge and started removing the logs that crushed your leg. “How is she?” you heard someone yell. When you looked up, you saw several heads sticking out over the edge. “I’m fine!” you yelled back, irritation clear in your voice. You hated to be the center of attention. Luckily both Fíli and Kíli knew this, and Fíli took it upon himself to send everyone back to camp except for Oin. Kíli lifted the last one, and you pulled your foot towards you. He let the log drop with a thud. 
“What’s the damage?” he asked with a big grin, but his eyes looked worried. You clutched your foot, it was completely numb because the log had cut off the blood flow. There was also this dull pain that started to spread in your ankle towards your foot, but you shrugged it off.  “Nothing, I’m fine,” you reassured him, but Kíli didn’t buy it. “I’ll carry you, it’s a long way up,” he offered, pointing to the edge. Fíli let a rope down, so he and Oin could pull the both of you up. “I can do it myself.” “Y/N, until Oin can look at your foot I’m going to carry you whether you like it or not. I’m not taking any risks,” he said, throwing Fíli a knowing look. 
He wrapped the rope around his wrist and grabbed it, giving it a small tug. He opened his other arm for you and lifted his eyebrow. “Are you coming?” You got up carefully, trying to avoid that one ankle so as to not give you away. The pain was getting worse with each passing second. Kíli wrapped his arm around your waist and told you to wrap your arm around his shoulder for support. “Oh, Fíli is going to love this,” he murmured to himself when you snuggled into his side. “What?” you asked him, not catching what he was saying. “Hold on to me as tight as you can!”
Fíli and Oin pulled the both of you up in no time. When you reached the top of the gully, Fíli took you out of his brother’s arms, wrapping an arm around your waist and under your knees. “Easy, mimûna, I’ve got you,” he cooed, planning to carry you bridal style to the makeshift campsite. Oin was already probing at your ankle but you weren’t having any of it. “I can walk, you know. Seriously, I’m fine,” you swapped Oin away. “You don’t have to baby me!” Fíli put you back on the ground, raised his hands in surrender and chuckled. “Fine, go on then.” You raised your chin and huffed. This would hurt, but you were tough. It was only about a 100 yards to the camp. You placed your injured foot first, and the minute you put your weight on it, a shooting pain shot through your ankle and leg and your knee buckled. Two strong arms caught you in time, and a low voice whispered in your ear. “You were saying?” Fíli swooped you back into his arms and carried you to camp, a grinning Kíli in his wake. 
Back in camp you tried to minimize your injury, terrified Thorin wouldn’t want you in his company anymore. You reassured everyone that you were fine over and over again. Oin proved you wrong when he took off your boot and a high-pitch scream escaped your mouth. Did he have to be so brutal? A little tenderness never killed anyone, you groaned internally. Three pairs of eyes followed Oin’s every move. Every time you flinched when he hit a particular painful or sensitive spot Fíli held his breath. 
Kíli patted his shoulder. “She’ll be fine.” “I know,” he smiled gratefully at his little brother, but flinched when he heard you whimper. “Careful, Fee, someone might notice,” Kíli sang teasingly when he went to sit with the others, leaving him with you and Oin. He couldn’t resist wiggling his eyebrows when he sat down on the ground next to Thorin and Balin. 
Oin was in the middle of bandaging your ankle when Thorin stood up. Everyone went quiet and kept their eyes trained on him while he made his way towards you. “Her ankle is severely sprained, but not broken,” Oin began explaining, “I’ve put a bandage around it for support, but she won’t be able to walk on it for a few days I’m afraid.” This was it, you thought. For you, the quest would end here. You couldn’t walk, and if someone had to support you the entire time, you’d become the burden you were trying so hard not to be. “How far is it to the nearest village?” Thorin’s voice rang over the campsite, asking no one in particular. You closed your eyes in defeat. “You mean to leave her behind?” Bilbo asked, eyes wide. There was some protest going around in the camp, mostly from the two princes. Fíli jumped up. “We are not leaving anyone behind!” “Fíli, don’t be foolish,” Thorin snapped. Just like Kíli, he hadn’t missed the looks his nephew gave their female companion. Fíli let his heart take over to reason, a dangerous thing to do. He will understand eventually, Thorin thought. “I will carry her if I must!” “You can not carry her all the way to the Lonely Mountain,” Thorin argued. “Watch me,” Fíli threw back.
Before things could escalate, Bofur spoke up, “I’ll help.” “So will I. We’ll take turns,” Kíli quickly followed his example. “Aye!” To everyone’s surprise Dwalin rose to his full height. You’ve never really interacted much with Dwalin, since he was against you joining the company and you didn’t want to annoy him too much. So him standing up for you now, took you by surprise. 
You had watched the interaction between the dwarves with a small heart. Fíli going against his Uncle, no, his King’s wishes in front of the company was unheard of, and you didn’t want to be the reason behind their falling out. “You really don’t have to do this, I-” “Nonsense,” Fíli interrupted you. “Let’s face it, Y/N, you’re one of us. And we don’t leave one of our own behind. Ever.” He looked at Thorin when he said his last word, challenging him to disagree. But to his surprise his uncle agreed with him, a tiny glint of mirth in his eyes. “So it shall be, everyone will take their turn in carrying Y/N until her ankle is cured.”
You didn’t sleep that night. At all. If it wasn’t the throbbing pain in your ankle that kept you awake, it were your neverending worries about the quest. Whoever was unlucky enough to be on “Y/N-duty”, was going to be a living target. With no free hands, they didn’t have any chance to defend themselves if they were under attack. You couldn’t live with yourself if something were to happen to anyone in the company. Fíli or Kíli in particular. 
You sighed, and your eyes automatically wandered to the two sleeping princes. There was no denying that you liked them both, though each in a different way. Kíli turned into your best friend almost immediately after you met him. He liked to joke around, didn’t take everything that seriously but had your back nonetheless. You’d feel sorry for anyone who would try to harm you, almost certain that Kíli would annihilate them without a second thought.  His brother Fíli was something else entirely. You joked around as well, often together with Kíli, and you knew he would go to the end of Arda for you if he had to and would also gladly destroy anyone who would even consider hurting you. But there was something else. Something you didn’t have with Kíli. Because Kíli didn’t make your cheeks flush when he changed shirts or flexed his muscles. When he rolled up his tunic sleeves and you could see the veins on his forearms your breath didn’t hitch. Your stomach didn’t flip every time he sat next to you or gave you a lopsided smile. But with Fíli, it did... Kíli stirred in his sleep, which pulled you out of your thoughts. The last thing you wanted was someone catching you staring at them. Come on, Y/N, you thought, there’s no time for self discovery. Sleep!
When the dwarves and Bilbo woke up the next morning, you were still sitting half upright against your rock, eyes wide open. Fíli rubbed his face with both hands, trying to get rid of the sleep. His eyes traveled to your figure and he frowned. It didn’t look like you had the best night. He watched you take a plate with breakfast from Ori, smiling politely but wincing when you adjusted your position. He hated to see you in pain. When Thorin announced you would take your leave, he and Kíli made their way towards you. “Ready to go?” he asked. “Well, I wanted to do my morning run before we left but I guess that’ll have to wait now,” you sighed and broke out into a broad smile when you saw his stunned face. “How do you want to do this? Do I still carry that myself?” You pointed to your pack. But Fíli didn’t want to waste any more time, seeing most of the company had already left. He scooped you into his arms like you weighed nothing, and Kíli took your pack. “Already taken care of, mimûna, do not worry,” he smiled. 
Not worrying was easier said than done. Being in his arms meant that you couldn’t possibly be closer to him than you were. You had a really hard time trying to control your heartbeat, convinced Fíli could hear how it practically hammered out of your chest. If he did, he didn’t say anything about it. It was a bit awkward at first too, you didn’t know where to look. Your position allowed you to watch his face the entire time, and as much as you would want to do just that - admiring the depth of his blue eyes, the crinkles around those eyes when he laughed, his jawline and those lips, easy Y/N, get it together! - you couldn’t do that. So you kept your eyes fixed on the ground or on Kíli’s back who was walking right in front of you. 
Fíli didn’t talk much, always looking ahead. Which you thought was odd because before your injury, when you walked with him he barely kept his mouth shut. Did he regret his decision?
“If- If you want to take a break, I could try and see if I can walk for a while?” you tried. He blinked rapidly with his eyes, like you just pulled him out of a daydream, and looked at you questioningly. “You don’t want me to carry you anymore?” “No, I mean… I do! But you know, I might get too heavy after a while, or… I don’t know,” you murmured the last part silently. Fíli scoffed and lifted you above his head before he snuggled you against his chest again. “I can do this all day, mimûna. You worry too much.” You felt the blush rise again. How was it possible that the nickname still had this effect on you after all this time? It took you ages and a lot of threatening before Kíli finally told you what it meant, since you didn’t know any Khuzdûl. Luckily the colouring of your cheeks went unnoticed. 
After a while, the lack of sleep was starting to get to you. Fíli’s warmth combined with the gentle rocking of his footsteps made it very difficult for you to keep your eyes open. You jawned multiple times before you felt yourself slipping away. It didn’t take long before Fíli felt the weight of your head on his chest, eyes closed and your hands still in your lap. He adjusted his hold on you and shifted your body a little, so your neck would be in a better angle. Kíli looked behind him and smirked. “Were you that boring?” He didn’t react, letting his brother have his fun. If he had to admit, he found it oddly comforting to hold you this close, knowing he was the one who was protecting you. The words of his Uncle suddenly came to mind, and his mood changed. For some reason he didn’t look forward to you being in someone else’s arms. 
When the sun was just about set, Thorin made the company halt for the night. He didn’t let them take a break during the day, not even for lunch, so to say everyone was relieved was an understatement. Everyone, except Fíli. If he was honest, he liked to have you in his arms and was rather reluctant to let you go. 
You had only just woken up a few moments before and were still a bit groggy. While you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, Fíli lowered you gently to the ground and let himself fall down next to you. “Thank you,” you muttered with a small smile and he chuckled. You were too adorable when you were sleepy. “Anytime, mimûna.” “How many times do I have to tell you! I’m taller than you…” you laughed, shoving his arm playfully. “You need to think of a new nickname!” The both of you looked up when Kíli dropped your pack at your feet. “Your luggage, my lady,” he greeted you, doing an exaggerated curtsy. You rolled your eyes. “I’m not calling you a lord, Kee. Forget it.” “Of course not,” he smirked, opening his arms and puffing his chest. “Because I’m a prince!” “Prince or not, you can go and wet this cloth for Y/N’s ankle,” Oin appeared behind him, handing him a large piece of fabric before he turned his attention to you. “Let’s take a look at that ankle of yours, okay lass?”
When he took the bandage of your ankle, you heard Fíli suck in a breath. Your ankle was twice the normal size, a dark almost black bruise going from your foot to halfway up your leg. “Y/N…” Fíli breathed, eyes full of worry. “When Kíli gets back, we can take care of the swelling,” Oin tried to comfort you, although you had the impression he was saying it more for Fíli’s sake than yours. 
By the time Kíli came back with the cloth, you were eating dinner and everyone had come to check on you at least twice. Fíli hadn’t left your side. Their kindness didn’t surprise you - after all they had been nothing but kind to you in the past. But it still warmed your heart. “Took you long enough,” Oin said, taking over the wet cloth. “It took me a while to find a river and I-”, he said, his voice caught in his throat when he saw your ankle. Just like his brother, he looked at you with worried eyes. “And I uhm, I had to find something to carry water back here. When the cloth turns warm, you can cool it down again.” “Good thinking, lad,” Oin complimented him. “You went through all of that trouble for me?” Kíli looked at you, and winked. “Anything for you, Y/N.” He didn’t miss the hard look his brother threw him. 
Oin placed the cold, wet cloth on your ankle and you sighed contentedly. “Feels good?” Fíli asked. You hummed, eyes closed. “Leave it until it turns warm. I’ll come back later to check on you,” Oin instructed, and he went back to the other side of camp to finish his dinner. Kíli sat down next to his brother, and elbowed his side. “Heard that? I made her feel good,” he whispered. The others all looked up when Fíli smacked the back of his brother’s head, chuckling at their antics. “The future pride of Erebor,” Dwalin grumbled, shaking his head. 
The next day it was Kíli’s turn to carry you, much to the barely hidden annoyance of his brother. In his opinion, Kíli was getting a little too comfortable with you in his arms... Fíli was walking at the front of the group again, right behind Dwalin and Thorin. He would much rather have walked at the back with you, but his uncle had insisted he’d stay at his side.  But even from up there he could hear the laughter and the giggles all too clearly. It stung, hearing how you were enjoying yourself at the expense of his brother. He hadn’t been able to spend as much time with you as he would have wanted yesterday, since you were asleep most of the time. It did however give him plenty of time to think about how he felt about you… There was no denying he felt something. He just hadn’t decided what it was exactly. At one moment when he looked behind him to check on you, he saw Kíli tossing you up a bit which made you squeal. “Kíli!” he yelled before he could stop himself. All eyes turned to him, including yours. Fíli scratched the back of his neck. “Just… be careful, alright?” “Don’t worry brother, she’s safe with me,” he said, hugging you closer. “I won’t let her fall.” He only grunted in response, before he turned around and stomped past Thorin and Dwalin, taking the lead. “What?” Kíli grinned when you smacked his chest. “Be nice to your brother.” “Oh trust me, I’m doing him a great favor…”
The following day after Oin rebandaged your ankle - which was getting a little better with the swelling almost gone, the bruise already turning purple at the edges - Fíli walked towards you with the full intention of spending the entire day with you. He grabbed your pack and threw it on his back alongside his own. He’d probably regret that by the end of the day, but he wanted to prove something. “Fee, that’s too much! You can’t carry me and my pack!” you gasped. “That is why Bofur will take over today,” Thorin announced. Bofur was standing next to him, beaming at you. “Uncle, that will not be necessary, I’ve got it,” Fíli insisted. “It’s not open for discussion.” You looked at Fíli apologetically. If you were honest, you preferred to be carried by him - for no particular reason at all - but spending the day with Bofur wouldn’t be that bad either. Fíli didn’t handle it that well though, he went to the others, but not before he made Bofur promise him to be careful with you.
“Alright, lass?” Bofur smiled at you, before he took you in his arms. He wasn’t as bulky as Fíli or Kíli, but he scooped you up with as little effort as they did. He entertained you with stories and songs, teaching you a few of the songs he knew but considering the odd lyrics you suspected he just made them up as he went. Not that you minded, it was very entertaining. You kept an eye on Fíli, but to your disappointment he never checked on you. He kept his gaze straight ahead, talking to Thorin once in a while but unlike yesterday with Kíli, he didn’t turn around every few minutes. Fíli’s odd behavior certainly didn’t improve the following days when you were carried by Dwalin, Gloin and Thorin. Yes… Thorin. Dwalin you could handle… a little. It was a very quiet day but not in an awkward way, he just didn’t talk much and you kept your mouth shut. Unlike the others he didn’t carry you bridal style, but on one arm, which you certainly didn’t mind.  How quiet your day with Dwalin was, the louder it was with Gloin. You hadn’t had a chance to really talk to him before so he took the opportunity with both hands to talk all about his lovely wife and son, Gimli. You didn’t mind really, it took your attention away from Fíli who was still acting weird. 
But then Thorin himself announced he would also take his turn. You almost said you could try and stumble or hop on one leg or something to avoid what surely would be a very, very awkward day, but decided to keep your mouth shut. The thing was, while you were in Thorin’s arms - who seemed almost as uncomfortable as you were - you were also close to Fíli, since he walked next to him. You tried to talk to him a few times, but the only responses you got were grunts, hums or a simple nod. ‘Your’ kind and cheerful Fíli was gone. Instead there was a moody, grumpy person who apparently had decided to avoid or ignore you at best. At one point you looked at Thorin in a silent question, who just shrugged his shoulders. The movement made your feet bump against each other, and you hissed. This seemed to break Fíli’s walls, because worry fell over his face instantly and he asked if you were alright, to which you assured him you were. Thorin apologized, and everything went quiet again. You couldn’t wait for the day to be over. 
You decided to talk to Kíli about it. If anyone would know what was bothering him, it would be his little brother. When you were sitting around the fire, moments before everyone would start getting ready to sleep, you hobbled towards Kíli. Your ankle wasn’t cured yet, but you could lean on your toes a bit without hurting too much. It wasn’t good enough to walk on your own - certainly not for an entire day and at the pace the company held - but it made you a little less dependent on others. Fíli saw you trying to take a few steps. His joy of seeing you up was short-lived when he saw you were making your way towards Kíli. Kíli on the other hand was happy to see you and patted the space next to him. He held your hands for support when you lowered yourself to the ground. “Tell me, to what do I owe your visit?” “Your brother,” you sighed. Kíli quirked an eyebrow. He had expected this moment to come, but not so soon. “Go on,” he urged you. “Do you know what’s bothering him? He’s acting weird…” Kíli gave you a look. “Okay, weirder,” you laughed. “He’s ignoring me and that’s not like him.” He noticed Fíli was watching the both of you like a hawk from the other side of camp, his expression unreadable but he knew better. He decided to have a little fun... Kíli threw his arm around you and pulled you closer, kissing the top of your head. That’s when Fíli lost it. He shot up and murmured something about going for a walk, leaving the campsite. “See? That’s what I mean,” you told him. Kíli just smiled, this was going perfectly! “Don’t worry, Y/N. He gets like that sometimes. Heir stuff, you know.” He rubbed your back soothingly. “He’ll come around.” “I hope you’re right…”
Fíli was pacing through the forest, up and down the same path over and over again in an attempt to keep himself from bursting out. He had been watching you interact with his brother, a strange feeling burning in his chest. This wasn’t just friendship anymore. How he couldn’t see you in another dwarf’s arms, the protectiveness he felt over you, the way you made him feel just by meeting his eyes… There was no use in denying it any longer. He was absolutely smitten by you. You were his One. That feeling he had been fighting against for the past couple of days finally had a name. Jealousy. And right now, he was jealous of his own brother. Kíli had met his burning gaze and he had tried to silently warn his younger brother. But instead of taking some distance from you like Fíli wanted him to, that cheeky little bastard threw his arm around you and pulled you against his side. He even had the nerve to kiss your hair! That was when he couldn’t take it anymore and left the camp. He needed to cool down before he would do or say something he’ll regret later. He slumped against a tree, closing his eyes in defeat. Because the worst thing of all was that you didn’t seem to mind the attention. When he thought about it, you always seemed to gravitate more towards Kíli. His brother could make you laugh like no other, and although he absolutely loved how your laugh traveled over the fields or mountains like the tune of a songbird, he wished he was the one to make you laugh like that. 
He wasn’t going to be the one to stand in the way of your happiness. If you wanted his brother, then he would accept that. Your happiness was his top priority. Even if that meant he was going to be miserable for the rest of his life…
When Fíli returned to the camp, everyone was asleep in their bedrolls. His eyes automatically searched for your sleeping figure. To his surprise you were still up, struggling with the bandage of your ankle. “You need some help?” You were startled by his voice breaking the silence. You’d seen him entering the campsite, but you didn’t expect him to come and talk to you. “I’m just trying to wrap it back up for the night, I didn’t want to bother Oin,” you explained, followed by a frustrated sigh. “But this is a lot harder than I thought.” He sat on the ground in front of you, legs crossed. 
“Allow me,” he smiled. He lifted your foot and placed it in his lap. Without a word he took the bandage out of your hand and started wrapping up your ankle. His calloused hands worked quickly, never hurting you once. His touch was so light you could hardly feel it. And yet every time his fingers touched you, it felt like he burned your skin. Just like that day you were in his arms, you had a hard time keeping yourself together. By the time he was finished, you were a complete mess. 
“Are you alright, mimûna? I didn’t hurt you too much, did I?” Oh no, you did the exact opposite, you thought. You just shook your head, not trusting your voice. The light of the campfire lit up his face, the flames reflecting in his eyes, and you had to remind yourself to keep breathing. In and out, Y/N… in and out. “Look, I need to apologize for my behavior. I wasn’t being fair to you,” Fíli began. He carefully placed your foot back and took both of your hands in his. You swallowed heavily. Was this the moment you had been waiting for? Were you getting the love declaration you so desperately wanted to hear? 
“I let my own feelings take the upper hand,” he said and your heart stopped. This was it… Fíli continued, “I was being selfish. But no more…” You felt yourself getting lighter with each word he spoke, slowly leaning in with your eyes closed for what surely would be the happiest moment of your life. Well… so far of course. “Your happiness is what matters most to me. And if it leads you to my brother, I will not stand in your way.” Wait… what? You opened your eyes again, shocked at his words. “W-what do you mean?” you asked, eyes wide. This was not going like you expected. At all. “I now know who your heart belongs to, Y/N,” he spoke softly, and you could see the hurt in his eyes. “And even though I wish with everything I’ve got that it wasn’t so, I am happy for my brother.”
You looked at him, mouth agape, absolutely stunned. Your laugh boomed over the campsite, waking up some of the company but neither of you noticed, too engrossed in your own conversation. “Now why in Durin’s name would you say that?” Fíli soon matched your stunned expression. One because you had used a Dwarven expression like it was your own, and second because... what? “Because you like my brother…?” “No silly,” you laughed. “I like you!” “You’re not in love with Kíli?” You threw your hands up in exasperation. “No! Where did you even get that idea?”
Someone cleared his throat, and the both of you looked behind you. Kíli stood there with the biggest grin on his face, hands in his pockets. “I might have something to do with that… I may or may not have tried to make you jealous on purpose.” He was obviously very pleased with himself; his little plan had worked so well. Fíli shot up from his place and Kíli took a few steps back. “Hey, hey, don’t look at me like that. You needed a nudge!”
But then Fíli seemed to remember what you said moments before. He turned so fast, his mustache beads smacked against his cheek. “Wait… you like me?” You nodded. A big smile appeared on his face. “Not Kíli? Me?” “Yes! Now will you please come back here so I can kiss you? I’m kind of stuck here,” you smiled, pointing at your ankle. 
Now it was Fíli’s turn to get all red. He hurried back to your side, and lifted you in his arms like he had done a few days before. Only now he wasn’t planning on letting you go ever again. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your forehead against his. “Now how about that kiss,” you whispered. His lips ghosted yours for a second before you lost your patience and tugged at his hair.  It was a sweet and gentle kiss, and he drew away way too soon for your liking. “Always the gentleman,” you sighed, cupping his face and sneaking another short kiss because you couldn’t help yourself. “We have plenty of time, kurduwê,” he laughed. “Kurduwê? That’s new. What happened to mimûna?” “You wanted a new nickname, didn’t you?”
You turned to Kili, who was watching the both of you with a smile. “What does it mean?” “Kurduwê means ‘my heart’,” Fíli answered. “I wasn’t asking you,” you laughed. “But I do like this one better.” You gave him another kiss. Kíli groaned. “Guys, please don’t make me regret this…” The three of you laughed at that, and you promised him you would try to behave yourself. 
The others finally started cheering, letting you know they had heard the whole thing. Congratulations were given and Oin complimented Fíli on his excellent bandaging skills, after he checked your ankle. The company did give Fíli a hard time about his jealousy, and Kíli couldn’t help but contribute. “Oh, and Fíli?” Kíli said to his brother, smacking his shoulder a few times in a brotherly way. “Hmm?” “It’s still my turn to carry Y/N tomorrow.” Permanent taglist: @roosliefje​
A/N: There you go! Please let me know what you think of it with a reblog or a comment, heck, send me an ask or a dm and we’ll talk about this fic! Why don’t we talk about all the possible endings I wrote for this one, before I threw them all out and wrote what you just read?
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moonbeambucky · 4 years
Text
Hey Neighbor (Part 23)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Peter Quill x Reader Word Count: 3787 Warnings: fluff, light angst
Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.
A/N: Sorry for the delay but it’s here now, I hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!
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HEY NEIGHBOR PART 22 | HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST
It was hard to come to the realization that Bucky did want a relationship but you didn’t cut it. The weekend at the wedding was a test and you failed. You may have gotten high scores but obviously there was something about Claire that made her better than you. You’ve known Bucky for almost a year but in one date she was able to capture his heart in a way you never could.
The truth sits in your stomach like a rock, feeling the pain each time you move. It’s a boulder tied to your leg and you’re drowning but Peter cuts the rope, with soft gazes and a tender touch, sweet words and sweet sounds he pulls from you as you’re tangled together in bed.
You let go, let yourself be pulled into a bright world where Peter is waiting, because he actually wants you. There is no test. No competition with the exception of Groot. Even Rocket warmed up to you, the temperamental animal preferring to cuddle up in your lap over Peter’s. There was light now that the sea was no longer about to swallow you whole.
The group chat would still go off with messages about plans but you chose not to attend, taking the time to be alone with Peter or hang out with his friends. Drax was a fellow firefighter, a burly man, bald as an egg and covered in tattoos. Thor was a firefighter too, tall with cropped blond hair and biceps bigger than your head and then there was Gamora, the first friend Peter made when he moved to the city. And by friend you think he meant girlfriend though they have more of a platonic relationship now. She was effortlessly beautiful with rich brown eyes and hair, with the ends dyed a bright magenta that complimented the warmth of her skin.
It was nice to hang out with different people and it opened you up to seeing a new side of Peter when he was with his friends. Sometimes he was the Peter you knew, lighthearted and playful, teasing Drax for being too serious to understand a joke, other times Drax would make fun of him; a booming cackle coming from deep in his belly as he laughed at Peter’s expense. Most of the time Gamora would roll her eyes, calling them both idiots.
Thor did his fair share of teasing too although much less now that he was transferred to a new station. It’s probably for the best considering how often he and Peter seem to be in competition with each other though it’s all friendly underneath and you could tell how close everybody was.
They acted like a family and quickly accepted you as a part of theirs but your heart ached behind your smile, missing your own family. Steve who was like a brother to you, Wanda your sister, Peggy the mom of the group who was always there to care and comfort you if you were hurt, and Natasha the other mom that struck fear into the hearts of anyone who would dare hurt her family. Sam and Clint were the troublemakers and then there was Bucky.
You couldn’t think of how to describe him when you didn’t know what was real anymore. The Bucky that exists today is not the person you first knew; the man that was passionate about his music but apologized the moment he realized he was inconveniencing you. He didn’t have to do that. He could have been your asshole neighbor but instead he became a friend.
Peter takes your hand, jolting you from your thoughts as he pulls you off the couch to dance to “Come and Get Your Love.” It’s a fun distraction and you allow yourself to enjoy being swept up by it and surrounded by Peter’s affection.
Groot became accustomed to seeing you in Peter’s apartment, giving you a big greeting as you came over for dinner after a long day of work. Peter was able to steal a kiss before the big dog demanded more of your attention.
“Babe, can I use your laptop?” you asked, kneeling down to rub Groot’s stomach, hitting the spot that made his leg twitch.
Peter stepped away from the stove, wiping his hands quickly on a towel before getting his laptop from the bedroom. With Groot satisfied by his tummy rubs you were free to say hi to Rocket though he was sleeping.
“Here you go,” Peter said, handing you the laptop and leaning in for a better greeting. His tongue slipped past your lips as he deepened the kiss, pulling away when the hiss of boiling water splashed against the flames.
You set the laptop down on his table, bouncing your leg as you opened the cover and waited for it to load. Commencement was next month and you hadn’t applied for graduation yet. An email reminder you got earlier today sent you into a panic as the deadline was coming up.
It was not like you to forget something as important as this. Sure, there’s been a lot going on in the last month but there is no excuse to have let this slip your mind. You’re eager to take care of it right away, ready to log on to your school’s website but the last page Peter browsed was still up and it made your jaw drop.
“Oh my god Peter!” You flipped the laptop around to face him as he craned his head back. “What is this?” you asked, bursting with laughter.
Peter bloomed red like a rose, eyes going wide as he laughed, “Oh shit, sorry!”
The Sex Files, a threesome with an Agent Mulder-esque man having sex with two alien women, a busty brunette painted dragon fruit pink and the other a slim redhead with Wicked Witch green skin.
“Aliens, really?” You raised a brow questioning him with a smirk.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, slightly embarrassed. “It was on the main page. I gave it a chance,” he shrugged, chuckling.
You shook your head laughing, opening up a new tab so you could finally submit your graduation application. As Peter finished preparing dinner you ordered your cap and gown, smiling a little wider when you saw the citron hood, a symbol of all the hard work you’ve put in towards your Master’s degree.
Over dinner you teased Peter a little more about his video. “It’s fine if you’re into that but you won’t catch me painting my skin. Do you know how messy that would be?”
“You might as well. If I had a black light, I bet this place would already look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”
Groot lifted his head at your loud burst of laughter, playfully shoving Peter’s arm. You wouldn’t be lying if you said his joke was still on your mind later that night, lying together in his bed after having just added to the invisible art.
Hot sticky skin against each other’s, the sheets lightly draped over you as the mugginess of the air settled in the room. Your eyes closed languidly, watching the rise and fall of Peter’s chest as you drifted to sleep.
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The sun blazes on the street of a sweltering Sunday morning as you walk towards your destination, wiping the sweat from your brow as you huff down into the seat beside Natasha and Wanda whose hair were nearly identical now though Wanda’s had a more fiery copper tone. A tiny smile pulls at your lips when you see mimosa flutes already on the table; now it was officially time for brunch.
You apologize for not seeing them as much lately and thankfully they understood. Wanda was practically inseparable from Sam when they first started dating so she definitely didn’t blame you, although she still thought you were making a mistake.
Bucky was in the back of your mind though you did your best to ignore the fact that you were at the same place you met Wanda almost a full year ago to complain about your new neighbor. So many things have changed but obviously it’s for the better.
“So…” Natasha said with an enticing tone in her voice. She wiped crumbs off of her lips, a faded cherry red from the lipstick that still clung to them. “I have big news.”
“You’ve set a date!” “You’re pregnant!” You and Wanda spoke at the same time, waiting with anticipation to see who was right.
“No,” Natasha laughed. “I made partner!”
“Congratulations, that’s amazing!” you said, leaning over to hug her.
Wanda followed suit and as you sat back down you kept your lips pressed tightly together, eyes widening as Natasha raised a brow to question Wanda about her guess. She sunk back into her seat, clenching her teeth with embarrassment but Natasha was only kidding (or maybe she wasn’t, sometimes you couldn’t tell.)
“Clint and I are going to throw a party once it’s official, nothing big. Y/N is it okay if I invite Bucky?”
Natasha’s turned towards you, holding your gaze with compassion overflowing in the depths of her eyes. She knew what happened between you and Bucky. Whether someone told her or she put it together herself, the latter most likely, it didn’t matter. She knew. She knew and she wasn’t looking to force a resolution but to make sure that you as her friend would be comfortable being around Bucky. You assumed she realized you weren’t only spending time with Peter because of your new relationship but still Natasha didn’t question your actions. She waited patiently, a soft smile on her pillowy lips until you gave an answer.
“Of course Tash, you can invite Bucky.” Wanda started to look as green as her avocado toast as she gave you a worried stare. “I promise, I don’t have a problem with him.”
No one questioned your answer despite the opinions they held back silently and the rest of brunch was spent playing catch up since Steve’s birthday. You hadn’t really missed much, Clint was sleeping until noon most days, Steve was still growing in his beard, Bucky was… still with Claire. Yeah. You figured. You may have checked her Instagram again, seeing a picture of two coffee orders tagged at The Grind House.
After leaving the girls you went home with a seed of anxiety planted in your stomach, knowing it will grow larger every day until Natasha’s party where you would have to see Bucky and Claire again. You wanted to get this over with, rip the band aid off and see them but sometimes life liked to mess with you. Natasha’s party wouldn’t be until the following weekend because this weekend she and Clint were going to Vermont so he could participate in an amateur archery tournament.
You try your best not to focus on the countdown until the party despite the sequoia sized tree of anxiety, each limb a different scenario playing out in your mind of all the terrible things that could happen. It didn’t help that this was your last week at Metro-General as the semester was over. While you were thrilled to have finally finished your hours leaving Elena made you emotional.
This was the end of a long journey, a ride you never expected to be on for so long but now it was over; this is the end of the line and part of you doesn’t want to get off the train. Your legs are atrophied from being in the same spot, Stark Industries, Metro-General, soon it would be time to walk away from both but you’re not sure you remember how. The real world is scary and your doubts and fears are starting to take over.
On the Monday before the party there’s a knock on your door and all you can do is smile. You’ve expressed to Peter just how anxious you are about actually achieving your dream. He comforted you, reminding you there was nothing to worry about and to cheer up. Peter always knew how to bring out your smile and you suspect he’s orchestrated another flower delivery for you. A pre-graduation congratulations of sorts, something to lift your spirits and get your mind back on track to where it needs to be.
You open the door without looking, expecting to see a grand bouquet, or even courier holding balloons but instead there was Bucky. You felt the tree twist within your body, growing to an enormous scale. Your eyes catch sight of an item in his hand, a hanger wrapped in plastic and beneath it the dress you wore to the wedding.
“Hey nei– ” He cleared his throat, speaking your name instead after watching the way your whole body dropped at the sight of him, from the smile that faded to the slouch of your shoulders. “I needed to get my suit dry cleaned and I forgot about this. I got it dry cleaned too so, uh… don’t worry about it.”
He rambled a bit, nervous, handing the dress to you.
“Thanks.” You said, biting back the nauseous feeling that crept its way up your throat.
“Going to Nat’s party?” he asked, hoping small talk would open the door to a real conversation.
Yes, I was friends with them first. “Yeah.” The curtness stayed in your mind only though your short answer wasn’t any friendlier.
Bucky nodded his head, “Kay… cool,” he said, with an uneasy tone that tried to pass itself off as calm. “See ya there.”
You smiled with tension, shutting your door. Tears were burning in your eyes, falling down your cheek as you jolted at the sound of his door slamming beside yours. Your dress was tossed to the side as you ran into the bathroom, running the water in the shower to mask the sound of your body heaving over the toilet. Bile burned up your throat, hot tears streaked down your cheeks and your heart felt like it was being torn apart by wolves.  
Avoiding Bucky didn’t help you get over him, and seeing him now, clutching your dress… a painful reminder of the weekend you spent together made it all worse. You wanted to call Wanda, to cry in her arms again, or Steve or even Val, to get drunk with and forget this ever happened. But you couldn’t call anyone. You couldn’t do anything but sink onto the cool tile floor of the bathroom, wishing you never met Bucky, sorry that he ever moved next door in the first place. You cried until there was nothing left to give.  
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Now that you were done with your internship you were back at Stark Industries full time, devoting your days to The September Foundation, and helping coordinate a guest list for the opening gala. It was a lot of work that kept your mind very occupied so when it was time for Natasha’s party you were feeling better.
Better but not great.
Every time you glanced over at Claire’s arm looping through Bucky’s you felt weak and gripped Peter with a tighter hold. Each time he would lean down to kiss your temple, to hug you, hold you, show affection in any way while being ignorant of the real meaning behind your touch.
Claire waved her hand in front of Bucky’s eyes, having apparently been calling out to him though he didn’t hear it. He was caught up in his thoughts, lost in a tunnel that plunged him further into darkness every time Peter caressed your sweet skin.
He apologized, snapping himself back, taking note of the concern held in Claire’s eyes. He forced his muscles to fake a smile but it was useless, just as he tried to force the emotion that was absent in their kiss. Does Claire feel it too? It’s been that way for a while, empty actions, going through the motions so Bucky can continue to convince himself that something is there but he can’t do it anymore.
The next day he breaks up with Claire and it isn’t a surprise. They part on amicable terms and while Bucky should feel better he doesn’t. You’re still with Peter, and it was his stupidity that sent you straight into his arms.
Claire was supposed to be something special, that relationship he had been longing for but instead she was just a distraction, a voice to occupy his mind, a warm body to keep him company, but none of it worked. Her voice was nails on a chalkboard compared to yours, her body a pair of dice thrown across a half empty puzzle; it wasn’t a match, she wasn’t you.
Now it’s Bucky’s turn to avoid you, staying quiet in his apartment, taking the stairs so he didn’t have to chance meeting you in the elevator. He can’t handle it. He walks quickly past your door, his heart wrenching every time he’s forced to think of you, remembering what he lost.
Emptiness creeps in like a fog, loneliness settles in the empty cavern of his heart, without you life has lost its rhythm.
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It’s late in the day when you receive an email from your school that sends you reeling. You couldn’t graduate. You thought it was a mistake, it had to be! There was no way this was correct.
Shaking fingers dialed the school as shaky hands stumbled across the keyboard, logging into your records and double checking that every class you’ve taken over the years is complete with a grade, and then you saw it. Your internship. INCOMPLETE.
Upon the school’s review you didn’t have enough hours, which is impossible because you have been busting your ass since the Fall semester to do this. You planned it, calculated every day, every hour and yet somehow you were wrong.
Your voice cracked as you begged for a resolution, bawling to the person over the phone that you’re thankful can’t see the way tears and snot are streaming down your face, sorry for the fact that they have to hear the way you loudly blow your nose into the phone.
By the end of the conversation you have a plan but it isn’t one that you like. You can walk for commencement next week but you would have to make up the hours and won’t receive your diploma until December.
You cleaned your face, barely, hoping to avoid everyone as you made your way down to Steve’s desk. You broke the moment you saw him, trying to keep your composure as best as you could until he was ready to leave.
Steve was devastated for you as was Wanda when you spoke to her that night. Natasha was already looking into your school’s policies to see if there was any legal recourse. “We can prove negligence on their behalf by failing to communicate in a timely manner to you the student that you did not meet the necessary requirements for graduation, therefore breaching their contractual obligation to provide adequate course guidance in accordance with…”
She went on with more legal jargon before you stopped her. “No, Nat this is my fault. It was my responsibility to calculate my hours. Would it have been nice to have an accurate figure to go off of? Sure, but I was the one who should have double checked. If I went in for an audit I would have known exactly how many hours I needed to get complete before the deadline.”
Natasha let out a sigh of frustration, wishing there was something more she could have done. Instead she let you lean against her, curled up on her couch as Clint prepared a giant bowl of ice cream topped with whipped cream, M&Ms and chocolate syrup.
“Thanks guys, I really appreciate this,” you sniffled, wiping a stray tear away.
It was nice to have your friends around for the night considering Peter was working. You could have texted him about this but chose not to. His shifts are long and stressful as it is and you didn’t want to add to whatever might already be on his mind.
But the next day you went to his apartment after work, somberly dragging yourself in through the door. Groot was able to put a smile on your face, and Rocket too, sticking his little hand out to try and unlock his cage upon hearing your voice but it wasn’t enough to stop the tears.
You took Peter by surprise as you wrapped your arms around him, soaking through his shirt as you cried. He held you close, stroking your hair gently as he whispered, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”
Peter walked you to the couch, his thumb softly wiping away tears, squeezing your hand in his as he waited for you to let him know what was going on. And when you did he let out a sigh of relief. “You scared me so much. I thought something bad happened.”
You were taken aback by his reaction, confused for a moment because maybe in your tear riddled conversation the truth about what happened got lost.
“Peter, I can’t graduate. I have to wait until December.”
“Right but you’re going to graduate. You can still go to commencement and all you have to do is make up the hours right? Did you talk to Elena?”
Of course you spoke to Elena, she was sorry to hear about what happened and is going to work something out with you but that wasn’t the point.
“Peter, I don’t think you understand what this means to me. One of my best friends died from a situation that could have been prevented if a social worker was involved. Ever since then my only goal in life was to become a social worker, to never let something like that happen again. And now I have to wait four months to graduate, four months before I can apply for jobs and go on interviews.”
“It’s just four months.”
Whatever Peter said after you didn’t hear. Everything was white noise as four simple words destroyed your soul. How could he not understand? It doesn’t matter that you will be able to make up your hours (which you will), it doesn’t matter that you are allowed to walk for commencement next week (which you won’t because it isn’t real). What mattered was that after all this time, all of your hard work, the sacrifices you’ve made, working full time while you were in school, exhausting yourself to the bone with your internship, that none of it was enough and you still have to wait. It isn’t just four months, it's a painful setback for your dreams.
Peter doesn’t get it.
Bucky got it...
PART 24
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Text
ILLICITUS: CHAPTER 6
Prompt: Y/N is a respectful narcotics agent, she worked hard to have her work recognized in a prominently male work field. She‘s assigned to the most important case of her whole career, investigate and apprehend the biggest drug dealer of U.S.A, the only thing she didn’t count on, was for the bastard to be so damn charming.
Word count: Long-ish
Pairing: Mob!Roman Reigns x Reader
Warnings: +18, dirty talk, mentions of drugs, cursing, conspiracy.
Tagging: @ziasaph , @saccreigns , @marlananicole , @nicolewoo , @mindofasagittaruis , @reigns-5sos , @auawdo , @lilred91 , @lustyromantic , @bayley-no-friends , @babydee17 , @yungbludjazz360
Notes: To catch up with the previous chapters just hit my Masterlist! Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) You can check them out on my Masterlist. Okay,now let’s get to the fun part, shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉
The cool air of the air conditioning system was already burning my skin like ice. Thinking no one would ever come for me, I almost screamed for help, when the door suddenly opened.
“They’re gone. Come on out” Roman offers me his hand and I took it, appreciating the warmth of his palm on my hand as I crawl out of the little panic room.
“Thank you” I shivered and Roman hand me a black hoodie, which I assume it was his due to the size.
I sigh in comfort once the large fabric hugs my body and I am surrounded by his spicy, musky scent.
Roman motions for me to sit down on his californian king bed.
“What did you told them?” I ask eagerly
“The truth. That I didn’t knew where were you these past 4 days”
“Ok..did you told them where I was now?”
“Why would I hide you inside a panic room in my bedroom if I was going to tell them where you were right now, Y/N?” He cackled
I lightly smile at my own dumb question
“You’re right”
He takes slow steps towards the bed, like a predator to it’s prey. One knee sinking down on the mattress, beneath my legs, he lightly pushed me down and quickly hovered his body on top of mine.
“Where were you these last 4 days, Y/N?” He whispered, oh so softly.
“I don’t know. The only thing I remember is you calling me to have lunch with you so we could talk about the tracker”
“And previous to that?” Roman pecked my neck and face
“I honestly don’t remember” I murmured
“What’s this?” Roman asked, pointing to the side of my neck
“What?” I urgently questioned
“There’s a small mark on your neck, like a sting or something like that” He caresses the marked spot
“A sting?”
“Yeah, it almost looks like..” He trailed off
“Like what, Roman?” My voice is filled with despair
“A needle, like a needle mark”
I pushed Roman off of me and ran to his bathroom, so I could look on the mirror the so called mark.
“What the fuck?” I whispered in shock, touching the marked spot “How is this even possible?” I ask him when I caught his sight on the mirror
“I don’t know, but something definitely happened those 4 days and we need to know what it was”
“We?” I raised my eyebrows in shock
“Yeah, if someone is that eager to fuck you up they might be trying to find something about me, and I don’t like people sniffing around my business”
“How are you so sure this has to do with you?” I question him, slightly offended
“Has this ever happened to you before?” He asked and I shake my head
“So there’s your answer” He smiled pretentiously
I rolled my eyes, bumping into him lightly as I passed his figure leaned against the en suite bathroom and begin to gather my things to leave.
“What are you doing, Y/N?”
“Leaving, I got work to do and explanations to give” I answered, lacing up my boots
“So that’s how’s gonna be huh? You just gonna use my body and then leave, like I’m some sort of cheap whore?” He pretended indignation but I could here the amusement behind his voice
“Oh I’m sure you can live with that. And if it makes you feel better, you were the best cheap whore I’ve ever fucked” I smiled widely making him laugh
“What if I don’t want you to leave?” Roman is now walking towards me
“I’m afraid that’s not an option, sir” I cackled
“Yes it is” He pushes me down on the mattress and covers my body with his “I didn’t even got the chance to eat this pussy” He pouts “One of the things I want to do the most since I saw you is to eat you out until you‘re begging me to stop. It’s not fair to leave me hanging like this” Roman sucked my bottom lip “C’mon, Y/N. You’re not gonna leave before I can taste that sweet pussy, right babygirl?”
His lips are brushing mine with every word he says and I can feel my strength slowly melting away.
“Roman...don’t make this difficult for me, please. I really need-“
“You really need to shut the fuck up and let me take what I want.”
His lips roam down my neck, towards my chest. Once he started to kiss the tops of my breasts my phone rang and Jeffrey’s name light up on the screen.
“I really need to pick this up” I whispered
“Really?” Roman groans in frustration
“Just let him waiting a few more hours, Y/N! He already waited 4 days anyways” He begins to grind his hips again and I answered the call
Roman looks at me in disbelief as I listen to Jeffrey’s ‘dad lecture’ of ‘what the fuck was I thinking and where the fuck was I’ these past 4 days.”
“I don’t know, Jeffrey. Everything’s blurred” I sighed “Ok, ok I’ll be there in 10 minutes” I hung up and Roman is just staring at me
“What?”
“You’re really gonna leave?” He sounds offended
“Roman, is not like I have a choice! I have to go”
“So I’ll have to deal with the situation with my own hands?” He motions to his fully erect member
“Sorry?” I awkwardly asked
“Not what I’d like to hear” He sighed quickly standing up and away from me
“Roman...this is a delicate situation-”
“And fucking painful” He adjusted himself on his jeans
“I really need to know what’s going on and-“
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever” He brushes me off
My brows raised in disbelief to such a childish behavior “Jesus, how old are you? Five? Well, excuse me for having a life where you are NOT my main priority but my own ass is! I have someone trying to do God knows what to me and why and all you can do is whine about the fact that we can’t fuck right now?! That’s really mature of you, congrats!” I spat, quickly storming out of his house and into my car on my way to the DEA building.
......................................................................
“So you don’t know what happened?”
“For fuck’s sake Jeffrey, I’ll tell you for the last time: I.don’t.know.what.happened! The only thing I remember is leaving your office to meet Mr. Reigns about that tracker thing, then my phone ringing with your name on the screen and your screaming of ‘Where the fuck are you?’ That’s all I remember”
“And that sting on your neck?”
“I just realized after you called, when I was on the bathroom”
“Well, there are no signs of physical aggression or sexual assault on your body and your blood exams came back clear. Whatever substance was injected on your body is long gone by now. Whoever did this made sure to use some type of drug that would not be detectable on a blood test.” He sighed
“So we’re back to square one?”
“I’m afraid yes, kid. But let’s not get hopeless, maybe something will show up” Jeffrey smiled fondly
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Matt picked through the door crack
“I found something”
Jeffrey beckons him to enter.
“What you got, tech boy?” Jeffrey rushes him
“Well, I was looking through some of Y/N’s internal number previous login entry days and there’s something off”
“What do you mean?” I asked
“Well, those 4 days you were missing somebody was logging on the system with your number and searched through some old case files”
“Whose?” Jeffrey questioned
“There wasn’t an individual’s name, just the operation name”
“Spit it out, boy!” Jeffrey spat
“Messiah. Operation Messiah”
“Rollins” Jeffrey and I both whispered
TO BE CONTINUED....
Please let me know your thoughts on this series so far? Some feedback is always appreciated.
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chaseatinydream · 3 years
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pirate king (80) || atz
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The deck is sheer chaos.
All you hear are the frantic footsteps pounding across the deck as the crew race to sail as fast as possible, the sounds of the cannons being loaded, Mingi’s sharp commands and Yunho screaming orders to trim the sails from above. Still crushed to Wooyoung’s chest, you tap him on the shoulder and he looks down at you, eyes brimming with concern.
“Just let me down somewhere, I’ll-”
“Wooyoung! Some of the halyards of the fore topsail has gotten caught, I need you to come with me and free it.” Yunho lands lightly next to the two of you, face unnaturally drawn with worry and flushed from exertion. “Chin Hae, are you alright?”
You manage a smile for him, though your legs both feel like they’re on fire and you’re missing a hand. “As alright as we’re going to get in this situation. Wooyoung, go with him, I’ll be fine on my own.”
He looks doubtful, but relinquishes his grip on you slightly. “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
With a sigh, he sets you down and you nearly stagger, biting your lip at the pain that shoots through your legs. Even Yunho looks concerned, reaching out to steady you by the shoulder. “This is definitely not okay. We should take you to the-”
“You have more important things to worry about than a sprained ankle, now shoo!” You push the two of them lightly towards the forecastle deck. “I’m not an invalid, I can get myself to the infirmary on my own. Now go!”
With a final look back, Wooyoung and Yunho take off running for the masts, while you turn around and make your way towards the infirmary, gritting your teeth with each step. However, before you can so much as pass the main mast, the entire ship heels - and you’re thrown across the deck.
Your feet practically fly out from under you, and you go rolling like a log across the main deck, arms wrapped instinctively around your head to protect it. Fortunately, you’re lucky enough to crash into a pile of netting used for storage, and for a second, you simply sit there, tangled in the rope and your head ringing.
Shouts of panic and cries of pain fill the air, Mingi’s bellows interspersed somewhere in between. You can’t think straight.
What on earth just-
Yanking the netting out of the way as you stumble to your feet, you glance over at the port side of the ship - and your mouth falls open when you discover the cause of all this mess.
Another pirate ship, one that had been docked beside you, is pulling up right next to the Treasure. An awful scraping sound fills your ears as the hulls of both ships grate against each other, and the entire of the Treasure shudders at the contact. You very nearly fall over again as the deck quivers beneath your feet, but clutch onto the side of the ship for balance.
“Chin Hae!” You hear Jongho shout and whip around to see the young battlemaster dashing towards you. You step forward to meet him, one hand on the main mast to hold steady as the ship groans. “What the hell is that other ship doing-”
Right before you can answer, a dark shape flies between the two of you, so fast that you could mistake it for a trick of light. But no trick of light could cause the awful cracking sound right next to your head, nor the scent of gunpowder so sharp in your nose.
“Attach the hooks!” You hear shouting from the crew of the other ship, and your eyes widen when you see them swarming over towards the bulwarks, throwing long grappling hooks over to the Treasure and pulling taut.
“Chin Hae, get your head down!” The younger man is next to you in an instant and in before you can so much as blink, another musket shot whizzes across your head. You stare at him, wide eyed. “What is happening?”
“That other ship just started attacking us out of the blue, I don’t know.” Jongho says hurriedly, thrusting a cutlass into your hands. “They’re trying to board us for some reason, but we need to get out of here!”
You can almost hear the rudder creak as Mingi shouts orders to adjust the sails so that the Treasure can pull away, but the other ship clings on like a leech. “We’re all going to die at this rate if the Royal Navy catches up with us!”
A sinking sensation worms its way into your belly. “Don’t tell me that they’re still trying to capture me?”
Jongho curses under his breath. “You need to get to the infirmary before they find to you. I need to clear the boarding hooks before they get on deck. Can you handle yourself?”
This reminds you of the first battle you had witnessed at sea, when still had no name. It’s the same, yet different - you’re different now. All you could back then was run and hide in fear.
You’re not that person any longer. You’re part of the crew, and you won’t allow yourself to be a burden to them.
Your legs still feel like someone has replaced your bones with molten iron, but you give a determined nod. “Yeah.” Gripping the cutlass in your hands, you turn to Jongho and give him the best smile you can manage. “Just like the good old times, huh?”
“I don’t see how the situation we’re in seems remotely good in the least, but you’re free to stay positive if that’s what helps you stay alive.” Jongho’s expression is flat, but you catch the small quirk at the side of his mouth before he leaps over a rolling barrel that you narrowly manage to dodge. “It’s good you don’t have a musket on you this time, though.”
With that, he leaps over a stray rolling barrel and you pause for a moment, confused.
Musket...?
Then you remember, cheeks heating up and the shout of ‘Jongho!’ that leaves your mouth is only met with a chuckle carried by the wind. Shaking your head, you turn to make your way to the infirmary when the deck heaves once more under your feet.
“Ahh!”
You drop onto the deck immediately like a suntanning starfish, and by sheer luck you manage to not get thrown into the bulwarks again. The enemy ship must have rammed you again, you realise, but before you can think too far, you hear an awful sound - of metal snapping. Clambering unsteadily to your feet, you glance around for the source of the noise.
There’s a scream of pain, the sound of something breaking, and to your horror, you realise it’s the sound the a bone snapping.
You’re up and running even before you know it towards the sound. It had come from the port side of the ship, where the gunners and the cannon carriages are mounted. And when you catch sight of the situation, you almost throw up there and then.
A member of the gun crew is lying on the deck, shrieking his head off in agony and for good reason - his leg is crushed under the weight of a 24 pounder cannon.
You rush over to him immediately, knees hitting the ground painfully hard as you lower yourself to check over his injuries. The sight almost makes your stomach turn, bile rising up in the back of your throat at the stench of blood and gunpowder, but you force it down in order to look at where most of the damage has been done - his leg.
“One of the chain links holding the gun carriage in place snapped when they hit us.” Another of the gun crew babbles senselessly over the cries of his crewmate and the desperate reassurances the rest try to give him, and you glance at the long iron weapon to see that he is right. “He must have fallen over and gotten crushed then, but we didn’t know what to do-”
“It’s alright,” you try to say, as calmly as possible when your head is in blank panic, trying to take bearing of your surroundings. Wound first, you think, looking down at what you have on your hands.
The wood of the deck is soaked red with blood. The gun carriage has torn the flesh of his thigh into ragged shreds, so deep you can see glimpses of stark white bone from beneath. Even as you watch, blood oozes out of the wound and the sharp smell of iron makes nausea well up in your stomach.
Where’s San? You think almost desperately, hand shaking at the sheer amount of blood. You’ve never dealt with a wound so serious, and you desperately need guidance. But your master is nowhere to be seen, likely treating other wounded on the deck, and from the way the terrified gun crew are staring at you, you’re the only guidance around here.
“O-one of you,” your voice trembles slightly and you swallow, forcing your nerves under control. “Get my supplies from the infirmary, the rest of you, start ripping up your shirts into strips.” You shrug your own overshirt from your shoulders and press it against the wound, trying your best to stem the blood flow.
Just as you’re about to switch out the bandage and instruct one of the gun crew to feed the patient a painkiller, you hear a scream from the starboard side and pale immediately, recognising the sound of clashing steel. They’ve boarded, and another voice rings out in the chaos. “Find the woman! We’ll be pardoned if we hand her up to the Royal Navy!”
Realisation slaps you in the face as you remember just what exactly you are supposed to be doing - hiding in the infirmary. Horror rises up in you, and you shift, almost in an attempt to run, before the blood on your hand reminds you why exactly you can’t.
The man here is dying, and you’re the only one here who knows anything remotely close to how save him.
“Shouldn’t you hide? They’re looking for you.” A crewmate tugs at your sleeve urgently, concern spilling into his voice. “We’ll figure something out here, but who knows what they’ll do to you once they get their hands on you? Go!”
You bite your bottom lip, mind thinking frantically as you press down on the wound. There’s no way they’ll figure this out, the man right now is probably about to start knocking on death’s door. On the other hand, do you really want the Royal Navy to catch you? Cold sweat forms at your temples at the very thought of it.
And yet, you can’t tear yourself away from the person dying in front of you.
“If they’re coming after me, the lot of you better protect me then.” Is all you say before you instruct another of the gun crew to hold a stick in place so you can tie in place an emergency tourniquet. The men look a little terrified. “We might not be able to protect you! We’re gunners, we’re not much trained in swordsmanship!”
“Then I guess we’re all dying here.” You say, concentrating on yanking down hard on the bandage to secure the knot as tightly as possible. You can’t tie it too tight or the man might lose his leg forever, but at this point, between losing his leg and his life, you think he’d prefer to save the latter.
The gun crew exchange glances, before they draw their swords, one of them rubbing his forehead in exasperation. “How are we supposed to be cowards when you talk like that?”
You manage a small chuckle, before returning your attention to the wound. The man’s eyes are half lidded now, drifting in and out of reality from the blood loss. At this rate, he’s going to end up dead, and you swallow nervously. Should you use the healing techniques San taught you or not? What if the same thing happens like the last time with Yeosang, except this time, you actually die?
The sound of steel clashing and people screaming rings throughout the air, punctuated by sound of musket shot and
The face of a certain man forms in your mind. No, you can’t allow yourself to die.
But you can’t let the man before you die either.
Sucking in a deep breath, you stretch out your one hand over the wound, trying not to tremble as you shut your eyes. Find your center, you remember San telling you.  This time, you wouldn’t let it control you.
Before you can do anything, however, there’s a dangerous creaking sound, and your eyes fly open to see the other chain holding the cannon in place starting to groan under the weight of it.
“The chain isn’t going to hold out for much longer!” Someone shouts in alarm, but all you can see is the man lying pinned underneath the cannon, and you know you have to make a choice.
“One of you, get Seonghwa and tell him to bring his carpenter’s saw along.” You try to say as firmly as you can. The man looks up frantically at you, and you take a moment to smile as reassuringly at him as you can. “I’m afraid that I need to take your leg.”
He’s so out of it he just slumps back onto the deck, looking resigned to his fate though his lower lip is trembling. “Do you think Yeosang-ssi will make me a personal peg leg?”
“Of course he will. Although I just lost my hand first, so you’ll have to wait in line.” You try to joke, pushing back the sweat soaked hair from his forehead. It’s a miracle how he’s stayed conscious so long, although it won’t be for much longer judging from how clammy his skin is.
In a few moments, Seonghwa is hurrying back with his saw. When he sees the state the man is in, his steps slow as he makes a face of realisation, eyes meeting yours. “Is there no other way?”
“No,” you say, pulling a drug out of your satchel. “And we don’t have much time left before the entire cannon rolls across the deck and crushes him.” You turn to Seonghwa, holding the herbal tincture up to him. “Here, make him drink this.”
Seonghwa obeys, trusting in your medical knowledge. The second the man has swallowed half the bottle, you strike the side of the man’s neck as hard as you can with the edge of your hand. The man crumples.
Seonghwa stares at you in shock, down at the passed out man, and back at you again. “...What?”
“We needed to knock him out.” You explain, already moving to tighten the tourniquet around the man’s leg. Seonghwa looks down at the bottle in his hand. “Then what was this for?”
“To distract him so he wouldn’t squirm and I wouldn’t miss. Don’t worry, it is actually a sedative, although it wouldn’t have been strong enough to knock him out completely.”
“That doesn’t make it any better!”
“We didn’t have any time!” You protest, dragging him over to the man. “We need his leg off as fast as possible, then I’ll use healing techniques on it to stop the blood flow.”
“The things that San is teaching you...” Seonghwa mumbles as he sets the saw in place, gauging how much of his leg he’ll be able to save. “I’m going to have a talk with him.”
You blink at him. “I didn’t learn that from him. Master only said to ‘do no harm’.”
“How’s that doing no harm?”
“It’s all a matter of perspective.” You insist, reaching over to look at the leg. “You should cut it off right below the knee.”
Seonghwa inhales deeply as he sets the saw to the flesh. “You owe me so much for this.”
“You can claim it when we get out of here alive.” You reply, but your smile is grim. “Now get sawing.”
>>>
When you and Seonghwa finally pull the man free from under the gun carriage, you don’t have any time to think about how the blood is getting all over your pants and shirt.
“He’s bleeding out!” Seonghwa says in alarm, moving over to help you apply pressure on the wound. You glare at him, wiping your red stained hand on your pants. You’re not sure which turns more red. “I can see that, yes.”
There’s no time for hesitation. “Smack me away if I start to go under.”
Seonghwa’s eyes go wide with concern, but he nods, gripping your shoulder tightly. “Come back to us, alright?”
A smile brushes the side of your mouth. “Aye aye, sir.” You return your attention to the man, setting your hand to the side of his injury. Find your center, you remind yourself as you shut your eyes. Concentrate on yourself and the patient, no one else exists but the two of you.
The warmth comes to you more easily this time, like a flickering, slowly waning flame. You swallow, coax the warmth out of your chest and down your arm, directing it into the injury.
There are no memories this time, you realise, except for the pulsing warmth that throbs in your chest, the gentle feeling of the summer sun on your face. You sit there for a while, almost in a daze, holding the tiny flame close as it flickers and sputters.
Suddenly, something yanks you out of that peaceful warmth and you startle, thrashing about in an iron grip as someone lifts you clean off the ground. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you hear something that sounds like Seonghwa’s scream of horror, before you feel cold metal digging into your temple.
“Let us off the ship, or she dies.”
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mercurial-muses · 3 years
Text
Meeting of the Minds
Valdyss has nearly completed her first phase of research into ley lines and places of magical power in Drustvar. I realized last night that, since a lot of that has been happening in one-on-one RP or 'off screen' completely, there's no way my Autumnhearth guildies and those who RP with us would know that. I'm posting this scene with my writing partner's permission to catch everyone up a little. As a bonus, y'all get to meet Faye's younger sister, Asta.
- - - - -
Valdyss may have met one of the Ladies of Frostfall, but the second remained apparently rather elusive.
Where Faye spent a good deal of time in her workshop, Asta was across the hall in the keep’s study. The other Lady Callahan slowly opened the door and took a step outside. Not out of caution, but because she was distracted. Another book sat open in her hand as she gradually walked out from the study. ‘Rumination on the Elements and Nature,’ read the title. Yet another way to feed her curiosity about the ways of nature based magic.
Asta frowned slightly as she went over one particular passage, moving down the hall with the sort of practiced, subconscious ease one might expect from a regular resident. She was headed towards the kitchen apparently, with the unconscious desire for food.
At least she was going to try and eat unlike someone else in the keep.
The portal behind Valdyss blinked from existence with a quiet whoosh, plunging the spacious guest room into darkness. A snap of the mage’s fingers conjured a tiny flame that hovered between them for a few seconds before it grew into a fiery ball the size of a marble and moved to levitate over her palm. The illumination it provided did little more than push back the shadows immediately in front of her, but it was enough light to allow her to get to the door without taking a header over anything that might be in her path.
Val opened the door with her free hand and, standing in a rectangle of light cast into the room from the hallway, she shook her other hand to extinguish the fire it held. She waved away a wisp of smoke as she stepped into the hallway… and very nearly right into a woman passing by the room. “Oh!” she yelped, unconsciously bringing a hand up to cover her galloping heart. “Light, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you coming.”
Asta subconsciously moved away from the sudden figure, but the yelp drew her eyes away from her text towards the mage. They were a much darker blue than Faye’s and currently filled with both alarm and confusion.
She shut the book in her hand sharply, giving Valdyss a once over. “That’s…fine. Who are you?” With the small number of servants they had, it wasn’t hard to recognize this was not one of their friends. And she couldn’t recognize her from the village either.
Nerd that she was, Val’s attention was almost immediately drawn to the book in the woman’s hand. That, combined with a beauty that was so familiar by now, made all the pieces click. “Asta?” she said, brow raised.
“Valdyss Duskbane, but Val’s fine.” The mage made a critical study of the other woman and, noting the alarm in her eyes, remained alert for sudden movements or any other signs of a fight. “I come in peace, I swear just don’t…” The fingers of her left hand wiggled in the general direction of the floor as she held her right one out in a defensive position. “Don’t root me, or whatever.”
Valdyss would have to look up to meet the woman's gaze, as Asta stood easily over 6' tall. The recognition was confusing up until Val introduced herself.
The alarm dropped from faintly familiar features. Asta's entire posture relaxed with a small huff. "You're Valdyss?" The younger Callahan asked, looking the mage over in a new light. She pursed her lips for a moment before humming with a shrug. "Mmm, I think I get it."
Nonetheless she offered a hand out towards Val. "I am Asta, yes. My apologies for the suspicion. I didn't recognize you, nor did I know you'd be visiting us today. Usually Faye warns me so I don't barge in and make a fool of her. Well, more than she already is anyhow."
Val grinned up at Asta as she took the younger Callahan’s hand in a firm grip. “I am indeed Valdyss.” She withdrew her hand and instead gripped the strap of her pack and pulled it a little higher on her shoulder. “And I am also at fault for you not being warned of my arrival. Faye’s not expecting me yet.”
A faint blush began to rise in the mage’s cheeks as she continued on. “I finished up earlier than expected in Dalaran and, um...” She paused, cleared her throat.
“Well, I was wandering around to kill time and came across a vendor selling a spiced liquor that I thought would add a nice kick to the Crackle n’ Apple.” Val’s hands moved as she spoke and her expression grew animated in her explanation. “And then I found this roasted pork tenderloin and thought that along with some brie would pair really well with the apple and-” Her words tapered off into a chuckle. Val shrugged. “And I didn’t want to wait any longer to see her, okay?”
An amused expression very similar to the one her sister often got grew across Asta's face. She just waved the fluster off with an easy gesture before turning.
"Then by all means: I was headed towards the kitchen anyways. I can help you make the drink and you'll get to kick in Faye's workshop door to make her eat this time. Stag knows you'll probably be a lot more appealing than me getting to lecture her again." Asta snorts, starting to walk off.
"Do you honestly think Faye takes issue with you interrupting her?" Val called to Asta's back as sped to catch up to the retreating woman. She fell into pace at her side and looked up at her. "Asta, your sister adores you."
Asta lets out a soft scoff. "Oh no, I don't really. Well. Most of the time." She corrects with a pause. "The one time she spilled Shroom Bloom on herself was a... very interesting incident." Despite that, there's a hint of fiendish delight that crosses Asta's expressions for a moment. But then it's gone, and she's looking to Valdyss.
"But I adore my sister as well. And if you do too, you'll know I essentially have to intrude or she'd be in there for hours without a drop of water."
“I do,” Val replied without missing a beat. She hefted the pack hanging off her shoulders to emphasize her point. “It’s exactly why I ran around half of Dalaran putting together a meal before finally caving to my haste to get here. "Brought plenty for three, by the way,” she added with a smile.
Asta shot Valdyss a look when that little addition was made. “Trying to curry favor with food?” she quipped with a faint smirk. “My my, you may be as smart as Faye claims.”
“Not looking to curry favor as much as to take advantage of an opportunity to get to know you better.” Val had to jog for a few steps to catch up to Asta’s side again. These tall Callahan women and their long strides. “If it isn’t already, I believe it will become important to your sister that we meet and spend some time together. Light, at least I hope my read on things is correct in that regard.”
Asta finally made it to the kitchen with Val: a large space with a stone oven, some door inlaid with runes, a healthy fireplace, and many more stonework "appliances." Magic hung thick in the room as Asta went to open another door and begin pulling out what must have been supplies to make the Crack N' Apple.
"If she's as fond of you as I suspect, and this continues as it does, I suspect the same." Asta commented. "But that extends both ways, you know. I'd like to understand just who my sister is seeing."
Blue eyes shifted aside to look at Valdyss pointedly, framed by the shorter blonde hair on her head. There was no maliciousness to the statement: no threat. But she was observing the woman.
Valdyss had no control over the grin that transformed her previously tense features, and wouldn’t have tried to compose herself even if it was possible. Of all the emotions she could wear outwardly like a badge of honor, those she felt growing for Faye were among the most important.
“Well, to use a cliche I suspect you’ll appreciate, I am an open book.” As she spoke, Val unpacked the food and then bustled around the kitchen, gathering what she’d need to warm the tenderloin and then plate it up along with the cheese. "I don’t have a thing to hide, so ask away.”
"Well first- Oh here." Asta moved aside and got a large metal pan. She walked over to the fireplace and slid the pan into a niche made partway up the stony alcove. Reaching below, with a murmur, Asta ignited the rune carved there and a hearty fire sprung to life.
"There you are: and the plates are right over there." Asta pointed to a cabinet in question before returning to making her drink. "First: why were you in Dalaran? I was told you are doing some studies there? Something about ley lines I believe."
Valdyss muttered a quiet thanks as she crossed to the cabinet Asta had gestured to. She grabbed three plates and brought them back to the counter closest to where Asta was working. “I’ve been trying to locate areas of concentrated arcane energy here in Drustvar. My hope is to use those as pinpoints that can then be connected together to accurately map the network of main ley lines in this region.”
The mage peeked into the stone recess to check on the roast, smiling as she inhaled the pleasant scent of rosemary. “This trip wasn’t to research as much as it was to log my findings so far.” She shook her head. “The Kirin Tor doesn’t have nearly as much data about Drustvar as I imagined they would, and I intend to remedy that.” Val sighed. “The dark history of your homeland and the potential for that history to repeat itself is just too important to go unnoted.”
Asta, meanwhile, was busying herself with mixing their drinks. She was listening of course, judging from the eventual hum that left her as Valdyss finished speaking.
"Interesting. And what have you found so far? I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of the arcane points of power would likely also be tied towards important places for natural magic."
Val nodded. “What I'm seeing here in Drustvar is consistent with the relationship between ley lines and places of power all over the world. Sites that hold a concentration of arcane magic are either over a main ley line- a trunk, if you will -or where two or more smaller branches intersect.” Talking with her hands as always, the mage crossed her index fingers to illustrate that last point.
“As for natural energy being tied to sites of power in the same way arcane is, that makes complete sense to me.” She leaned one hip against the counter and watched Asta work for a moment before adding, “I can give you copies of the final map and my findings once I have it all pulled together, if you’d like.”
Asta glanced over to the mage as she spoke, and there was clear interest in her expression. Even more so when the offer of a map came into the picture.
"I would absolutely love a copy, if that were possible." She agreed, putting the whipped creme into each of the three glasses. "My knowledge of ley lines is not quite as advanced, but they are rather intriguing. It feels as though the notion of arcane magic isn't quite as talked about around here, despite the Lord Admiral's daughter being a particularly potent mage herself. Or perhaps even more so because of that, actually."
“Ah. We mainlanders with our strange Light and magic, eh?” Val replied, adding a wink for Asta.
The mage looked in on the roast again and, seeing it would likely be perfectly browned in a few minutes, she turned to the counter and unwrapped the round of brie she'd brought. “I’d be interested in visiting a few of the mapped sites with you.” Val centered the cheese on a plate and held her open hand a couple of inches over it, palm down.
“My theory is that you may feel a stronger pull of nature magic there, just as I will with the arcane.” As she spoke, a flickering red glow illuminated the space between her palm and the plate. The brie began to bubble and melt.
“Not to say they’re the same magic. I mean, they’re channeled in different ways, as far as I know,” Val continued. “But I believe that- in the most elemental sense -nature and arcane magic come from the same energy, so I think we’d prove that there are more similarities in the way that our people actually conjure and wield magic than there are differences.”
Asta was in the middle of sprinkling the cinnamon across the drinks when Val made her second offer.
Her hands paused in their work, hovering there for a moment in thought. She continued shortly after, but seemed ever so slightly distracted. It might be subtle enough for Valdyss to miss initially.
"It would be something, certainly, depending on the days you'd choose. I have not gotten the chance to read much into the interplay between the Arcane and Natural magics: most of mine have to do with the latter. Aren't you the Steward of Autumnhearth as well, yes?"
Val nodded. “I am...well, I will be.” She lifted her hand away from the now perfectly gooey round of brie. “I'm currently the Court Secretary and, as honored as I am to have the role, I’m not sure I would have accepted it if I had the impression that all of my time would have to be dedicated to that alone.”
As she spoke, the mage moved to the oven to remove the tenderloin. Once she’d set that down to cool, Valdyss swiped a hand across the rune carved low on the fireplace, cutting off the flame. “As it is, I’ll have the flexibility to choose days that are convenient for you.” She leveled a gaze at Asta, softened by a warm and genuine smile. “We both know your sister won’t need any convincing to cut you loose from here for a little while.”
And here, Asta stopped. She stared down at the three prepared drinks with an intensity they didn't deserve. It was a few seconds before she turned her attention towards Valdyss and smiled politely.
"Well," She finally said, picking up the drinks, "I suppose I'll just have to speak with her on the matter." And that was that. "Now, what can you tell me about your work in Autumnhearth? It seems to be quite the up and coming barony in Drustvar, which is good given everything that's happened."
Valdyss was tempted to push because she knew how much Faye adored Asta and desired more for her and- unexpectedly -because she already liked the younger Callahan enough herself to want to help. It wasn’t the mage’s place though, and Asta’s curt response and quick change of subject only drove that fact further home. ‘What do you know about family matters anyway?’ the mage silently mused to herself.
Taking the hint, Val found a cutting board and set to work slicing the meat as she spoke. “It’s my duty to represent and speak for Autumnhearth, in person or by correspondence, when the Hallewells aren’t available or have had to recuse themselves.” She shrugged. “I haven’t had to do much of anything yet, but I’m ready and honored to… and a bit nervous to, if I’m being honest.”
Valdyss grew quiet then, clearly lost in her own thoughts. The silence between her and Asta didn’t feel uncomfortable, not to her anyway, and she briefly wondered if it was the same for the other woman. She slid the precisely sliced tenderloin onto a plate and tilted it so there was a little space between each slice, allowing one to see beyond the golden seared surface to the pale meat in the center. Grabbing up the pan, she poured the juices- dotted with rosemary, pepper, and garlic -over the roast.
“Promise I’ll help clean up later,” Val said, eyes on the plates of meat and cheese as she picked them up. “But, for now, I think we’re ready to eat.”
tagging @merelliahallewell and @alexandriawilliams for brief mention of the Hallewells
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lonestarbabe · 3 years
Text
Learning to Speak
Chapter 1: Channeling the Noise
[A03]
Moments of TK in therapy.
“Has anything important happened since your last session?” Melody Janson asks, a warm expression on her face. T.K.’s seen her for a couple of sessions already, but he’s still getting used to her therapy style. He’s been to a lot of therapists in his time, some of them good and some of them bad. He isn’t quite sure where Melody falls yet, but he likes her as a person, which is enough that he’s going to take the sessions semi-seriously, even if his willingness to share about himself is still limited. There are still some things that he can’t say and he’s not sure he will ever be able to say. He’s made peace with the antsiness of the things that go unsaid. The thwarted words bounce on his tongue like it’s a diving board and they are waiting to plunge into the icy waters of hard conversations.
“Depends what you consider important.” He pinches his lips together. He continues when she doesn’t say anything. “I don’t know. It’s been the same mostly. For all the action I experience, my life is boring most of the time.” Boredom is one of the things that makes him want to use, so he craves the moments of action, but there are never enough of them. He could tell her about calls he’d had on the job— like the baby in the tree—but he hadn’t done a whole lot in that rescue. The brunt of the work had been all his dad, ever the hero, and T.K. doesn’t feel like bringing up his dad because Melody always hones in on that topic. As nice as she is, she’s a vulture when it comes to certain discussions, which is probably what he needs, but he doesn’t want to need it. Some days he loves therapy, and other days, he hates it.
“Have you still been feeling restless?”
“Since birth,” he jokes. “I don’t know how to keep myself busy. Time is slower when I am sober. I only used oxy that once, but it feels like it’s sent me a million steps back.” One slip up, and he feels like he’s ruined everything. It feels like things will never be back to normal, and how can they be? He’s moved across the country to a hot and stuffy place that lacks the cool veneer of New York City. He misses Manhattan nights already. He doesn’t need stars. The New York skyline has always been more dazzling, and since he was a kid, it told T.K. stories that the constellations could never tell. New York may not be a natural wonder, but it’s a wonder nevertheless.
“Progress can be slow and isn’t always linear,” Melody reminds him. “How have the urges to use substances been?”
T.K. shifts in his seat. The urges are there, and that’s enough to send a wave of self-hate through T.K. It bothers him that he’ll never rid himself of those urges. He can lessen them, but he can’t stop them from existing. “Okay, I guess. They’ve been more manageable lately. I’m still fucked up, but I always will be.” Melody raises her eyebrows at “fucked-up,” and he knows it’s not because she’s concerned about his foul-mouth. He can tell she’s noting that to talk about later.
“What techniques have you been using to keep them manageable?” He has a whole toolbox of techniques that he’s collected from various stints in therapy, but some of them have become rusty, and it’s taking time to make them usable after neglecting them.
“I’ve been able to notice when I feel on edge more.” It’s like looking at the radar to predict a storm. He was never able to do that before. He’d always ignored that feeling of creeping closer to a cliff until he was staring down at the abyss below and gravity pulled him over.
“Sounds like you’re learning a lot about yourself. When I saw you in our last session, you were very on edge. You said you were feeling antsy about being in Austin. How are you feeling this week about being here?”
“It’s never going to be home, but I’m getting used to this place. I’m not getting lost as much, and it has a weird charm.”
Melody understands what he means immediately. “Yeah, it sure does. Have you been keeping up with thought-behavior logging?” The thought-behavior log is a worksheet that she gives him each week to explore how certain situations can lead to beliefs that produce unhealthy behaviors and negative feelings.
T.K. nods. “I’ve been filling it out, but I don’t know that it’s doing anything.”
“You did say that you were more aware of when you felt anxious. That’s progress. Did you make any helpful observations when you were logging your information? Even something small can be important.”
“That distractions are good for me.” Getting his mind off what was wrong with him is the best way to pretend that he was okay. He isn’t sure if that was an unhealthy way of coping or not. Knowing himself, it probably leaned towards unhealthy.
“What kind of distractions do you mean?”
“Anything I can find.” Anything but that one thing that he shouldn’t do, shouldn’t even think about.
“What’s the first one that comes to mind?” She’s persistent enough that she can get past the resistance that T.K. can’t help but have when some tries to get to know him.
“I met a guy— Carlos— and he’s been keeping me busy enough that I can keep my impulses in check.” He adds, “It doesn’t hurt that he’s hot. Between seeing Carlos and my job, I don’t have too much time to think. I can’t be tempted if I don’t have tempting thoughts. It’s a win-win.” T.K. is enjoying the no-strings relationship he has with Carlos. He’s glad they haven’t decided to complicate things by defining a relationship. He’s not ready for a real relationship. He gets attached too fast and that only leads to heartbreak.
“So these distractions are the main tool you use to stay sober?”
“I guess. It’s been working so far. I haven’t relapsed.” He’s thought about substances— a lot— but he hasn’t acted on those thoughts. He doesn’t let himself be proud of that fact because staying sober never should have been a challenge to begin with.
“I think that would be a good topic to add to our session today. But before we dig too deep into that, I want to know what else you’d like to cover today. Is there anything you think we need to talk about beyond this new relationship and the other distractions you may have going on?”
“It’s not a relationship,” T.K. tells her. “It’s… complicated.” T.K. chuckles to himself. “I’m sure you’ll want to unpack that.” So much to unpack, so little time.
“You’re as much responsible for our agenda as I am.” He doesn’t want that responsibility. He wants someone to shove him through this process as quickly as possible so that he doesn’t have to think about it anymore, but Melody has explained how important it is that he takes an active role in the process, so he’s trying to meet her halfway.
“I guess we can add it. It can’t hurt.”
“Okay, T.K.,” she says, “I think we should also touch on how you’ve been feeling about your sobriety.”
“We can talk about it, but I’m feeling fine.” He’s not happy, but it’s not like he’s ready to swallow a handful of pills— again. He wants to be sober. He wants to be alive. I’m good.
“You seem apathetic about most of these topics,” Melody observes. “Why do you think that is?”
“It’s just been that kind of week.” Work’s been hard. He isn’t sure what to think of his new coworkers yet. He likes them, but he doesn’t know them yet. It doesn’t take long for firefighters to bond with how much time they spend together, but T.K. is overwhelmed with having to basically reset his whole life and try to make sense of his new situation.
“What kind of week is that?” Therapy is a lot of questions, so many questions.
“The kind where I don’t want to think.” He wants to clear his mind and forget he exists because that’s easier than having to sort through the influx of feelings that he has. It’s the perfect kind of mood for substances to creep in and screw everything up.
“I see. Is something weighing on your mind?”
T.K. shrugs both shoulders. “Just the usual stuff. Work, getting used to this crazy place. I haven’t slept well.”
“Have you been having trouble adjusting?”
“It’s hard not knowing anyone. I’m good with people, so I can fit in, but it’s still hard. ” He puts on a big smile and acts like his normal goofy self and that seems to endear other people enough, but it doesn’t bring them too close. He’s not sure if he’s ready to get too close.
“That’s something we can explore some more because you’ve expressed in past sessions feeling like you don’t have a good support system here in Austin.”
“Another item on the agenda?”
She nods, a pleasant look on her face. “Does what we have sound like enough?”
“We’ve got a lot on the agenda,” T.K. says with a sigh. “So, yeah, sounds like enough.”
“You always rise to the challenge. Remember that we can always be flexible to suit your needs, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Let me ask, what is the most important of these items for you, T.K.?”
“Let’s start with the distraction thing,” T.K. tells her because he’s not sure where he wants to begin and the first thing on the list seems easy enough. Might as well just knock them out in order. “Or the guy thing. They’re pretty much the same topic.” His heart gets fluttery when he thinks of Carlos, and he’s not sure if it’s in a bad way or a good one.
“Okay, the male distraction. Do you want to tell me about him?”
“His name is Carlos. I met him on a call.”
“What do you like about him?” He’s nice to me. He has the best smile. He was the first person who made me forget that I was an outsider in Austin.
“I think the sex might be better than drugs.” He says the sex part before thinking about it, and then he feels weird because he’s talking about his sex life with a woman he barely knows. He’s always been pretty open about that kind of thing, a trait he inherited from his parents, but it’s different in a clinical setting. The faded, geometrically-patterned chair feels stiff under him like it’s judging him.
Melody’s face doesn’t change from neutral. “What about sex is satisfying to you?” Everything. T.K. doesn’t really believe that sex is better than drugs, but it is close and it helps him to pretend that it is better than drugs. Sex is a release. It allows him to escape his head for a while and give in to his carnal urges. “Like I said, it’s a distraction.”
“What does it distract you from?” Everything.
“If I think about it too hard, that defeats the purpose of distraction, doesn’t it?” He doesn’t like to use the words addict or drugs or substances, which probably doesn’t bode well when drugs are what got him in therapy in the first place, but at the end of the day, the drugs are a symptom of the feelings he has that he can’t deal with. Those stiff words hang in the air and then he keeps thinking about them, and if he thinks about them, he figures that he’ll give in eventually, and he doesn’t want to give in. He doesn’t want to disappoint his dad, lose his job, or hurt anyone else. He doesn’t care much about himself, but the way his addiction impacts other people holds him back when he’s on the edge between resiting and relapsing. Sometimes, it is enough. Other times, it is not.
“What do you think will happen if you talk about it?”
“I’ll lose control?” Control— that sounds deep and pathological, and therapists like that, right? He’d had a therapist who had been obsessed with the control thing, so he ran with the idea, thinking it was something he could hurry Melody through. His real answer is somewhere behind a wall in his mind that he doesn’t want to peak through let alone tear down. He keeps a lot behind that wall, just beyond the point of easy access. It’s a cluttered wasteland, but with the wall, he doesn’t have to look at the mess of life. He can pretend it’s not there, and if he can’t easily access it, he won’t think about it.
“Lose control of what?” she pushes him.
“Just in general,” T.K. tries.
“What is it about control that alarms you so much?” she asks again, and the question is oddly unsettling as flashes of him being high or drunk rush through his mind. He brought this up, and now he’s regretting the can of worms he’s popped open thinking it was just a normal can. He suddenly and ironically feels like he’s lost control of this line of thought. He should have thought this through, but he didn’t. That’s what he’s always done; he didn’t look before he leaped. He’s not afraid of losing control, he realizes with dread. He’s afraid of taking control. Maybe Dr. Bundting wasn’t such a quack about this control thing after all.  There’s something alluring about spiraling. He disarms himself so that no one can do it for him. He hands his life over to substances so that he doesn’t have to take the reigns and navigate through it himself.
T.K. crosses his arms over his chest. “No one likes to lose control.” Except for freaks like me. T.K. feels his chest clench, and his heart is pounding.
“The question seems to bother you. Was there something I said that made you uncomfortable?”
“It’s complicated.” Complicated is the way T.K.’s life works. Nothing is clear-cut, and it makes deciding what the fuck he is doing with his life eight million times harder.
“Can you explain what makes it so complicated?”
“It’s weird,” he tries, but Melody has never been stopped by that excuse before, so he’s not sure why he thinks it will work now.
“Austin is weird,” Melody says with a reassuring smile. “We like weird here.”
T.K. takes a breath. “I used to lose control all the time, and it didn’t bother me. I liked being out of my mind and not caring about anything.”
“And how does it make you feel about yourself when you’re in that state of mind?”
He swallows. “Like I’m defective.” He adds a laugh so it doesn’t sound so pathetic. “But also like I’m alive. It takes away the worries for a while.” He shakes his head. “But, mostly defective.”
“You remember how we talked about core beliefs?”
T.K. rolls his eyes. “I’ve been hearing that word for years.”
“Then you probably know where I am going with this. What makes you think you’re defective?”
“I can’t do things that normal people can.”
“What can’t you do?”
“Handle things in a normal way. When anything goes wrong, I spin out.”
“You’ve been managing your cravings. That doesn’t seem like spinning out to me.”
“It’s more of a feeling, and then the feeling is what makes me want to do things that I shouldn’t.”
“Can you define what ‘spinning out’ means to you?” Wanting to give in and wreck my life just to escape my head for a while.
“I go crazy. My mind starts to race, and before I can think better of it, I’m doing something dumb.” He hates to think about all the stupid things he’s done just because he doesn’t have the mental clarity to resist those impulsive urges.
“What kind of ‘dumb’ actions are you referring to?”
“Relapsing, fighting, fucking up opportunities— those kinds of things.”
“You called those actions dumb, so can you tell me what do those actions have to do with your intelligence?” Because I am an idiot who can’t control himself.
“Because I should know better than to do them. That’s pretty dumb, right?”
“You seem to use that kind of language a lot about yourself. Do you think addiction or mental illness makes someone dumb?”
“I know it makes me dumb.” My mistakes could have all been avoided if I only used my head.
“Okay, so your addiction makes you feel dumb, but if you saw my other patients behaving because of their illnesses, would you call them dumb? Or did your dad’s PTSD, for example, make him dumb?”
“He went through a lot, so it makes sense that he would react in the way he did. He wasn’t acting dumb, not really. He was just trying to survive after a shitty situation put his life in danger.”
“And what’s different about you? When you talk about your dad, you blame the circumstances, but when you talk about yourself, you attack your core characteristics.”
“I made choices. That’s what created his problems. My dad was powerless. Something happened to him while I happened to me.”
“I’m all for taking accountability, but don’t you think you’re showing yourself none of the mercy that you offer your dad or other important people in your life?”
“He deserves that.” I don’t.
“What has he done to deserve that? You’ve talked about how his actions hurt you, so why do you forgive him for those actions that hurt you but not your own actions that hurt you?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. He never meant to hurt you.”
“Did you mean to hurt yourself?” she prods.
“I tried to…” T.K. trailed off. “I nearly died.”
“If you got to choose how you feel, would you choose to hurt?”
“No. Who would?”
“So, that brings me back to the question, why can you forgive others more easily than yourself.”
“It hurts me more not to forgive him.”
“Does it not hurt you more to not forgive yourself?”
“Because maybe he’s not perfect, but I’ve burdened him with my issues, so I owe him forgiveness. It’s not his fault that I’m overly sensitive or whatever. He made mistakes.” But I am the mistake. “But he’s a hero, and the hero’s kid always has to make room for the heroics, but I was always too selfish to see that..” T.K. doesn’t mention how he still has a kernel of resentment for Owen, one that he has never been able to forgive away.
“What about you? You save people every day. Aren’t you a hero? If being a hero is why you are merciful with your dad, shouldn’t you extend that to yourself?”
“Yeah, but it’s my job to save people, and I haven’t sacrificed anything to help others. My dad lost his whole crew on 9/11. That’s a sacrifice.” What about my loss? the childish part of him wants to say, but he’s learned that that part of him is the one that drives him further from his dad. When he lets his inner child say his piece, the tension between T.K. and Owen smothers any goodwill they’ve forced into existence through years of close proximity and the common goal of saving other people’s lives.
“It takes sacrifice to be a hero?”
“Yeah, if you don’t lose anything from doing something, it’s not a big deal.”
“You sacrificed many moments with your Dad. You sacrifice time and energy at your job. Wouldn’t that make you a hero too under your definition?”
“It’s not like I had a choice.”
“Why not?”
“Firefighting was the only thing I’ve ever considered.”
“Okay, and why’s that?”
“Because I knew it was what I wanted.” He didn’t need to think. While other kids his age had been debating what they wanted to be, he never had to make that grueling decision. He just knew. My fate had been decided for me already, and it was nice not to have to think about what kind of future I wanted. It had always been written for me.
“What was it that you wanted?” A dad.
“To be like my dad.”
“And are you like him?”
“Not in any of the good ways.” T.K.’s sure that he and Owen are both headstrong. They’re both passionate and like grand gestures. T.K. knows that he’s a lot like his Dad but not in the ways that would make him proud.
“In what ways aren’t you like him?”
“Well, for one, I’m constantly making bad decisions. I nearly died before I came here, remember? I was so dumb. What was I trying to accomplish by nearly killing myself?”
“You’re back to using the word ‘dumb.’ Do you know the early meaning of dumb?”
“Probably not,” T.K. admits.
“In Old English, it referred to someone who was mute.”
“Yeah, and?”
“And people conflated the inability to speak with the lack of intelligence. Dumb was a word used to degrade and mock those who couldn’t speak because other people didn’t understand muteness”
“What’s that got to do with me?”
“While the behaviors that result because of your mental illness may feel dumb as in stupid, you’re conflating your inability to speak with the lack of intelligence. Mental illness doesn’t rob you of your intelligence; it robs you of your ability to speak and communicate your feelings. Your ‘dumb’ behaviors are attempts at communication, but in these sessions, we figure out how you can break your silence.
“So I’m learning how to talk to people?”
“Not just how to talk to people but also how to talk to yourself. Your self-dialogue fuels your feelings and behaviors, so if we can change that dialogue, we can change your experiences with the world. What I want to accomplish with you goes beyond just talking.  What I’m teaching you is how to communicate healthily, which can come in more forms than just verbal language. There are lots of ways to speak, and what you need to do is find the ones that work for you.” Melody’s words linger with T.K. as he carries on the session, and he wonders if happiness is that easy. Is it nothing more than learning to speak?
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Cyber Files AU - Chapter One:
A/N: Okay, here’s Chapter One. I have no idea when other chapters will be coming, but I hope you enjoy and if anyone has any question, feel free to hit me up.
Warnings: Swearing, Death mentions, Medical mentions... I think that’s all for this chapter? But please let me know if anyone wants anything else tagged or if I missed anything.
“In steel as in flesh. Corpses leave clues.”
Dear You,
The body you are currently wearing used to be mine. The scar on the inner left thigh is there because you fell out of a window and impaled your leg running away from Badges at the age of nine. The four fillings are a result of you avoiding the dentist for most of your life. But the physical past of our shared body isn’t important to you right now.
I’m writing this letter for you to read in the future. Wondering why anyone would do such a thing? The answer is… both simple and complicated. The simple answer is because I knew it would be necessary.
The complicated answer is… rather twisted.
Do you know the name of the body you are in? It’s Remy. Remy Saros. It was my name, but it comes with the body, so I suppose it’s yours now. Changing it would be… unwise. But we’ll get to that later.
Before I tell you the story, there are a few things I need you to be aware of. First, you’re deathly allergic to bee stings. If you get stung and do not take quick action, you will die. I’ve always hoarded all the epi-pens I could find. Check all the glove compartments of cars, backpacks and jacket pockets you now own. If you get stung, flick the lid off, orange to the thigh, blue to the sky, wait for the click, hold for three seconds and remove. You’ll feel like shit, but you’ll survive.
Apart from that, you’re a non-photosensitive epileptic. There should be a sleeve of meds in the front right pocket of your trousers. Repeat scripts are loaded onto your Eye and spare meds will be available later when you need them.
Now, hopefully, you still retain your right hand, and everything it provides.
The fuck? Someone would have stolen my hand!? They thought to themselves, glancing down at their right hand and clenched it in relief before turning their attention back to the words hanging in the rain in front of them.
In your immediate future, the three most important are a Social Identity Card, Bank Chit, Medi-Sys Card, all of them belonging to Remy Saros. Except for four. Those physical cards in your wallet are, right now, the most important. Tucked away in there are a Chit linked to a different bank, a driver’s licence, a Medi-Sys Card and a Social Identity Card belonging to Alexandyr Morgan, a name that will not be linked to you.
The personal identification number for all of them is 160100. That’s my birthday, followed by how old you are. You’re a newborn! Get somewhere dry and safe, find a secure hotel, and check in. The AM accounts will have more than enough to cover.
You are doubtless aware of the next part already, since if you’re reading this you’ve already survived several immediate threats, but you are in danger. Just because you are not me does not make you safe. Along with this body, you have inherited certain problems and responsibilities. Go find a safe place, and the second letter will be waiting for you when you arrive.
Sincerely,
Remy Saros.
They stood shivering in the rain, watching the words on the holographic display dissolve into the downpour. Their hair was dripping, licking their lips under the face mask gave a burst of saltiness, and everything ached. Under the lights of reflected neon, the figure had automatically flicked their right hand out in a muscle-memory gesture to bring up the main menu on their Eyeformer Operation System, looking for some clue as to… anything.
When the Eye booted up a message simply titled To You had been sitting there in the main menu, blinking gently, waiting to be opened.
They shook their head angrily, but the spike in throbbing quickly diffused their anger. They looked up at the sky, watching the rain come down and lightning fork across the sky. Rummaging through the other pockets of their outfit turned up nothing other than a long, thin plastic box with medical instructions, chemical information, and a label printed on it. REMY SAROS.
The Epi-Pen, they thought, staring at it before returning it to the interior jacket pocket it had come from, patting it a couple of times for reassurance. Then they dropped a hand into their front right pocket and pulled out a fresh packet of red and white capsules in a standard plastic and foil medical sleeve. Epilepsy meds, I guess.
So this is who I am, they thought, unsure of how they felt. I don’t get the uncertainty of not knowing what my name is, but I’m not being given control over my own life. Whoever Remy Saros was, they managed to get me in a whole lot of trouble. They sniffed and brushed a dark lump out of their left eye. Wet hair slapped against their skin and Remy cringed slightly.
Ugh, okay, rain first. Get out of the rain, then… get a car, I guess. Yeah, find a car, find a hotel.
Remy looked around, searching for shelter, but since they were standing on a bridge, nothing was immediately available. Just expansive, smoke filled blackness all around, only broken by strings of indistinct neon in all directions and the sounds of sky-borne cargo lifters. Finally spotting an undercover shop doorway at the end of the bridge, Remy stepped out of the slight crater in the middle of the road, and over the ring of bodies that ringed it. They were all motionless, and wearing latex gloves.
They darted from shelter to shelter, staying in the dark wherever they could, contact lenses glowing due to the low-level night vision function built into the Eyes’ Pathfinder app. The only sounds in the smoke-filled night were the gradually fading sounds of main street traffic around the bridge, and the ever-present sounds of cargo lifters and the occasional Fire Bird.
Remy was hugging themself and shivering by the time they got off the main roads, and spent a minute shaking off as best as their throbbing head would allow. Reactivating the Eye, they opened one of the ride call apps and scrolled through. If the accounts contained as much money as the mysterious message said, Remy would gladly pay for the quiet and convenience of an automated cab.
Opening a new tab and selecting the bank account under Alexandyr Morgan’s name, Remy used the login details stored in an in-Eye app to log in, and looked at the account total and withdrawal amount. Both numbers almost short-circuited Remy’s newly born brain. There was… five million in the account. Even given the inflation of various economic crashes, that was a lot of money. Whoever Remy had been in that previous life… they clearly had a lot of cash to splash around.
Recalling the letter’s multiple warnings about finding somewhere safe, Remy kept scanning both ends of the street, as well as all the doorways and windows they could make out while waiting for the summoned car to appear. When it did, they scrambled inside, shut the door, and scanned their hand on the Chit reader built into the back of the “driver’s” seat. Remy then selected “Evasive Mode” from the drop-down menu in the app, clicked the seat belt in and sprawled as much as they could across plush seats that automatically warmed up in response to Remy’s wet frame. 
They briefly considered not sprawling like this, since it would give Future!Remy all sorts of aches, but Present!Remy was too comfy, so they just shut their eyes and let the swinging turns and passing neon lull them into a fitful, exhaustion-driven doze.
Remy’s Eye suddenly came to life and started to ping with alerts that they’d arrived at the marked destination, the messages dislodging the slew of automated ads from the earlier apps. They jerked upright then hissed in pain. The journey had been nearly half an hour to the other side and a deeper level of the city, bordering on one of the old mine shafts, turned closed off corporate enclaves when the mine was turned into a city.
Remy’s decision to sprawl all over the back of the car meant that climbing out was a flurry of spasms, aches and pins and needles. Mumbling in irritation as they got out of the car and wishing Past!Remy hadn’t been such a selfish asshole, they stumbled towards the five-star hotel. 
The hotel management students who had been unlucky enough to get saddled with door-duty on the graveyard shift stared at Remy’s face without moving a muscle as they opened the doors for Remy, who passed through with an exhausted nod at them both and walked through the gorgeous foyer.
The impeccably dressed and coiffed desk clerk (at three in the morning?! What. The. Fuck. Are you some kind of hideous automaton, man?) politely stifled a yawn and barely widened his eyes at the soaking wet person on the other side of the desk who had just left a wide trail of dirty water across the marble tiles and was now checking in as Alexandyr Morgan.
The hotel porter who appeared did a poor job of appearing awake, but still managed to guide Remy to the appointed room without incident. By now, especially after a heated nap in the taxi, Remy was so sleepy that they’d practically given up on all vigilance, barely remembering to thank and tip the porter before entering the room and searching for the bed. Having found something large and soft, Remy dropped, content to sleep on it until…
Remy was asleep too quickly to even finish the thought.
Notes: That’s all there is for now. I just wanna say a huge thanks to @milomeepit, and @pipapatton for helping me work out ideas and acting as soundboards, and @lucifer-in-my-head for designing artwork for it, which I’ll add next chapter as the art becomes relevant to the story.
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schism-au-blog · 3 years
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Thorns on Display
For a moment, Gold thought that her hope of missing Rose had come true. She didn’t feel her sword clang against Rose’s shield. But there was still a strange resistance. Gold opened her eyes to see Rose’s face of shock in front of her.
Good thought Gold. I didn’t hurt her. However, that thought was quickly replaced by panic as Rose’s body disappeared, presumably leaving only her gem behind. Gold didn’t know. She couldn’t bear to look. She ran. And ran. She didn’t care where she was going as long as it was away.
It seemed Gold was the only one who couldn’t stand to look at Rose’s gem, however, as Bismuth, Garnet, and Snowflake all stood staring at it in shock before Pearl grabbed it and ran.
While Gold wasn’t the only Pearl running that day, she was the only one who didn’t know where she was headed. Pearl didn’t know why, but she knew that the Armory was the only place for Rose to recover. Maybe because it was the first place that held Bismuth’s gem. Maybe because it was the place that only she and Rose knew of. All she knew was that she had to make it to the warp. Once they got to the Kindergarten she’d have time to think.
“That wasn’t a Rose Quartz.” Garnet muttered. She felt so many conflicting emotions all at once. She felt hatred. Rose had so clearly put up a facade. Confusion. That gem shape- what could’ve it have been? -Except- No. It couldn’t be that. Sadness. Their leader had just been poofed in front of her and she’d done nothing to stop it. She felt too much and too deeply for one gem to handle.
Next thing she knew, she wasn’t one gem, but two. But they were together. And they felt alone. What were they fighting for, now? So they made their way off the battlefield, running hand in hand.
Silver cried out. “Gold!” but by the time she had processed all that had gone on, it was too late. Gold had already sprinted off to be by her thoughts.
Bismuth and Snowflake were frozen in place as the battle continued around them. Shouldn’t this be the end? Or the beginning? How? Why? What had just happened? Even though they had hoped to poof Rose, they just now realized that they never expected to actually do it. And now what? That wasn’t a Rose Quartz gem.
“Where is she?” asked Yellow. “We’ve held this off long enough.”
“But this is her speech,” said Blue. “It’s not like her to just not show up.”
“It isn’t?” asked Yellow?
“Well,” clarified Blue, “Not like her lately.”
“I suppose you’re right,” said Yellow, “but whether this is like her or not isn’t the issue. We can’t go out there without her. This is her colony after all.”
Blue sighed. “I suppose we should send some gems to look for her and stall in the meantime.”
“Won’t that call attention to the fact she’s missing?” asked Yellow.
“No more than her not being here,” responded Blue, sharply.
“Yes,” said Yellow, “and with those new rebels roaming about, the last thing we need is gems wondering why she wasn’t here tonight.”
Blue nodded. “Pearl?”
“Yes, my Diamond?”
“Find Pink and get her here.”
“You too, Pearl,” Yellow said.
“Yes, my Diamond,” they responded in unison.
“I swear, if she doesn’t show up I will shatter her,” Yellow said.
Blue nodded. “I thought she was past this unacceptable behavior. But I suppose White was right, she will never be able to handle responsibility.”
“She wanted this for so long, and yet, the second she gets it it’s ‘There’s too many organics’ ‘We should stop colonization’ ‘I want to stop gem production on Earth.’”
Blue laughed. “You sound just like her.”
Yellow nodded. “Well, our gems are most likely getting impatient. Let us show them that we are here, and we can keep them safe.”
Blue sighed, “Yes, I suppose there is only so long we can wait.”
“You should look on the moon base and I’ll look in her palanquin,” Yellow Pearl said, as soon as they were comfortably far from the diamonds.
“But what if she’s not in either place?” Blue asked.
“There’s not a lot of places she could be hiding,” said Yellow. “This isn’t Homeworld.”
Blue nodded. “So we meet back here?”
“Yes,” said Yellow Pearl. “That way we don’t return to the Diamonds empty-handed, we return together, and neither of us is searching longer than necessary.”
“Alright,” said Blue Pearl. “Let’s just hope she doesn’t throw another tantrum.”
“How could you call anything a Diamond does a tantrum?” Yellow said. “The Diamonds are always graceful, and even if we don’t always fully understand their choices, we must treat them with utter respect.”
“Oh- I didn’t mean-”
“I know you didn’t,” said Yellow, “just watch your tongue. We are the Diamond’s Pearls. We need to set an example.”
“You’re right,” said Blue. “Good luck.”
Yellow nodded and stepped onto the warp. Blue followed.
Yellow pushed aside the pink curtain, hoping to see Pink sitting there, but instead, all she could see were five disorderly rose quartzes. “Hmm,” Yellow hummed judgmentally, “When’s the last time you saw Pink?”
“She’s rarely here nowadays,” offered the Rose with her gem on her cheek. “It’s probably been about a week now?”
“Hmm,” said Yellow Pearl. “Thank you for your time.”
“Is she okay?” Nose Rose asked.
“Of course she is!” insisted Hand Rose. “Nothing could harm Our Diamond!”
“It’s not a crime to be concerned,” said Nose Rose.
“Yellow Diamond simply wanted me to fetch her,” Yellow replied. “There is nothing wrong,” she half-lied.
“Sorry we couldn’t be more help,” said Cheek Rose.
“It is no matter,” said Yellow Pearl. “I will look elsewhere. Good day.”
Once she was outside the palanquin, she let herself grow concerned. Pink not in her palanquin for an entire week? Hopefully she was just attending to important matters in other places. She returned to the spot she’d agreed to meet Blue in, hoping that she had just been on the moon.
When she actually met up with Blue, however, that hope was quashed. “No luck?” Blue asked, similarly Pink-less.
Yellow shook her head. “Those broken quartzes Pink Diamond was keeping in her palanquin said she hasn’t been there for a week.”
“Well, at least that’s more information than I got,” Blue said. “Without authorization from My Diamond, I wouldn’t dream of checking the logs or using the holosphere to look for her.”
“Well,” said Yellow. “We did get authorization to look for her. I suppose that could fall under that…”
“I don’t know,” said Blue, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to touch her stuff.”
“Is it a better idea to wander around the entire colony, letting every gem on this barren planet know something’s up while taking our precious time?” Yellow asked. “I answer to Yellow Diamond, not Pink Diamond. And Yellow Diamond told me to find her. Besides, we haven’t been given orders not to touch it.”
Blue sighed. “I suppose it can’t do much harm to use the holosphere. You’re right, it will allow us to look more places without drawing attention to the fact that something is wrong.”
Yellow nodded. “Let’s check the kindergartens from the holosphere.”
Blue nodded. “While you’re doing that, I’ll check how long it’s been since someone’s logged on through the moon base’s terminal.”
Blue and Yellow exhausted every possible place to search. They tried the Sky Spire, the Sea Spire, the Reefs, the training grounds, and even the stage where she was supposed to be, in case she’d made it while they were searching.
“Nothing,” said Blue. “Unless you can think of somewhere else?”
“We could send a Neptunite to check the Zoo, the garden, and her room?” Yellow asked, “but it looked like the speech was almost over, so I don’t think that she’d get there in time, even if she was there. I’d rather allow the diamond’s superior judgement to determine this.”
“I suppose, then, we should report our lack of findings to our Diamonds,” said Blue. “I can’t imagine they’d be happy.”
“I wouldn’t be either,” said Yellow. “Let’s go now, so we aren’t missing when they’re done with Pink’s speech.”
Blue nodded.
Blue and Yellow Diamond had just finished speaking when Blue and Yellow Pearl approached.
“I see you have failed.” Blue Diamond said. “Where did you look?”
“We looked in her palanquin, the moon base, the Sea Spire, the Sky Spire, the kindergartens, the reefs, and even the training grounds, My Diamond,” said Blue Pearl. “We have searched everywhere she is known to be on this planet.”
“She wouldn’t have gone off-planet, would she?” asked Blue.
“It’s Pink,” said Yellow. “Who can predict her?”
“We can’t send our Pearls off-planet without us,” said Blue. “Should we send some gems to look or shall we go ourselves?”
“Our agates are competent enough to not let this colony fall,” said Yellow. “But all the same, it makes me uneasy to leave this colony unsupervised, especially with these rebels tramping around.”
“I will go. You stay here and make sure nothing happens,” said Blue.
Yellow nodded. “Make sure to check her zoo and the garden.”
“Of course,” said Blue, “it would make no sense for me to go all of the way home if she’s just in her zoo. I do hope she’s alright.”
“If she is, she has a lot to explain,” said Yellow. “What was she thinking? No, she doesn’t think-”
“Please, Yellow,” said Blue, “I’m getting worried about her.”
“She’ll be fine,” said Yellow. She sighed. “But I’ll refrain from being too mad at her until she gets back, I suppose.”
“Thank you, Yellow,” said Blue. “Well, I will leave at once. Come, Pearl.”
“Yes, My Diamond.”
Blue and Pearl travelled to the zoo. They were happily greeted by the agate in charge, but they left quickly after they learned Pink hadn’t been back since she retrieved the two additional Rose Quartzes they allowed her.
After the zoo, they visited Pink’s garden. The garden had fell into a state of disrepair. Blue nearly gave up upon seeing that alone, but she supposed she might as well talk to Pink’s spinel while she was here. Maybe the spinel would know of somewhere important to Pink that she wouldn’t think of. They used to be quite close, after all, she was made for Pink.
As Blue stepped off the ship, she took a closer look around. She’d have to give Pink a lesson about maintaining old projects and colonies. Even if she no longer used this place, there was no excuse for it to fall into such disrepair. Even the spinel looked worn. Blue curled her lip. Did she really have to talk to that?
She took a pause. This was for Pink. “When did you last see Pink?” she asked. At the very least, she could clear this as a place where Pink wasn’t.
“It’s been eight-hundred-thirty-seven years, four months, two weeks, three days, fourteen hours, sixteen minutes, and eleven seconds!” Spinel said cheerily.
“Pink really should take better care of her gems,” muttered Blue. "Right now," she said, more audibly, "Pink is playing a game of hide-and-seek with me, would you like me to help find her?" It wouldn't hurt to have this spinel helping her find Pink, plus this way she'd remember to scold Pink for the state of the garden once they found her.
"I'm already playing a game with Pink!" Spinel said.
"Oh?" asked Blue. "What kind of game?"
"She told me that it starts by standing still right here," Spinel explained. "Oh no! Am I losing by talking to you? Am I moving my mouth too much?"
"No, no no," said Blue. "The next step in the game is coming with me to find her." She couldn't help smiling at the gem, despite herself. She was undoubtedly charming.
Spinel grinned. "Ok!" Spinel, Blue and Pearl all went back onto the ship to search for Pink on Homeworld.
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More Than Words (Eighteen)
MTW MASTERLIST
*******************
One hundred days and counting…
“I didn’t know it would be this easy.” Peter stretched out sideways on the bed, feet kicking idly at the air on one side, arms reached out to touch the floor on the other. His hair was long enough to fall into his eyes now, and the Omega blew at his bangs half heartedly, making only the barest effort to keep them from tickling his nose. “Did you?” 
“Sweetheart.” Wade peeked at his mate from over an armful of logs. “Pretty sure everything is easy when you’re lounging around lookin’ pretty all day instead of doing chores.” 
“Hmmm.” Peter rolled onto his back so he could watch his mate at the fireplace. The upside down view did nothing to ease his migraine but it gave him great leverage to leer at the Alpha’s butt, so he grimaced over the headache and kept right on ogling. “Pretty sure I’d be happy to help if my bossy mate hadn’t ordered me to stay in bed. I promise I’m good for more than just looking pretty.” 
“I know you’re good for more than looking pretty.” Wade got to work filling the kindling box, looking up only long enough to smile at his Omega. “But I also know that a few days ago you weren’t hardly breathing through your cough, and that scared th’hell outta me. I’d much rather do all the chores and let you stay over there being pretty than risk you getting sick again, Pete.” 
“I’m not going to get sick again.” The Omega took an exaggeratedly deep breath, inhaling noisily and letting it out overly loud. “See? No cough.” 
Wade’s cedar scent dipped with worry, and Peter scrambled up to sitting, holding out his hand for the Alpha and tipping his head to trill coaxingly. “M’fine, my mate. I promise.” 
“We’ll see what the Doc says when he comes to check on you.” Wade grunted. “He was s’posed to be back up the hill yesterday--”
“--maybe he figured I was fine and didn’t need a last check up.” 
“--but until he listens to your breathing and tells me everything is fine, you’ll keep your ass right there on that bed and let me do the work.” the Alpha finished. “Not gonna let you get sick again, Omega.” 
“Wade--” 
“Pete.” 
“Okay okay.” Peter fell backwards into the pillows and dragged the blankets up to his chin, hunkering down so nothing more than his nose and eyes peeked out from the quilts. “Better?” 
“Better.” Wade kept chopping kindling but he ran his tongue over his fangs and smiled anyway, crooning approvingly at his mate. “Thank you.” 
“Big tough Alpha.” Peter scoffed teasingly, “Gettin’ all fussy about his Omega staying in bed. This is the wild frontier, my love, I can’t stay bed ridden because of a cough. Omegas are expected to have babies and immediately go right back to choring, aren’t they? Pretty sure that’s what my history books told me.” 
“Yes, Pete.” the Alpha said blandly. “I expect you to have a child at night and then immediately haul spring water from up the mountain the next morning. The wild frontier, Omega. That’s exactly what it’s like.” 
“I knew it.” Peter whispered and this time his Alpha laughed a little. “Oh thank God, you still know how to laugh. I was starting to miss that sound.”  
“I’ve been missing some of the sounds you make too, Pete.” Wade admitted, his smile sliding towards wolfish, and the Omega didn’t miss a beat when he replied, “You mean the sounds I make in bed, right? Like when I snore?” 
“Yes.” the Alpha sighed like the idea pained him to his very soul. “Yes, I mean when you snore. I’ve been missing that sound specifically.” 
“I knew it. I knew you missed my snoring.” Peter scrunched his nose in delight, but his expression mellowed softer as he whispered the same thought he’d had earlier-- “I didn’t know it would be this easy, my mate.” 
“You gonna make me tease again you about how everything's easy when you’re laying around?” Wade piled kindling in the fireplace and dropped the rest in the nearby bin. “Cos I’m sure I could find another joke or dozen to--” 
“I didn’t know it would be this easy to love you.” Peter blurted, and the Alpha went very still. “I mean-- I mean no, that’s not what I mean. I didn’t know it would be this easy to say I love you. I used to be scared of it and now-- now it’s the easiest thing in the world.” 
“What um--” Wade cleared his throat, fiddling with a piece of wood so he wouldn’t have to look up at his mate. “What was scary about telling me you love me?” 
“No, not you.” the Omega shook his head. “Not that, I mean I’ve been scared about saying those words forever but now I’m not. Does that-- do you know what I’m trying to say?” 
“Pete, you’re saying a whole lotta things but not really saying anything at all.” Wade’s heart was tight in his chest, breath a little harsh as decades of insecurities reared their ugly heads, every fear he’d ever had about his skin and his bloody past and the differences between he and his mate rushing forward to lodge in his throat. Peter had been scared to love him? “So no, I don’t know what you mean.” 
“Alright.” Peter drew his knees up under his chin, chewing at the inside of his cheek as he thought through his words. “Alright, it’s like this. I’ve read hundreds of romance novels, right? Literally hundreds and across all these genres and different plots and varying levels of--” 
The Omega made a vaguely crude motion, blushing a little bit, “-- you know, varying levels of sex in them? And I’ve gone along with Gwen and Mary Jane to at least a million romantic comedies and I’ve always loved the more romantic fairy tales cos even though I never managed anything resembling romance, I still like to watch, right?” 
It was plainly obvious that Wade wasn’t really following Peter’s train of though yet, but the Alpha nodded anyway with a slow, “...right?” 
“Right. And all the books, all the movies, all the fairy tales?” Peter paused for effect. “They all end at ‘I love you’. It’s the climax of the story, the ultimate romantic ending. I’ve read through entire series or sat and watched hours worth of television and ‘I love you’ is always built up to be this huge deal! These super important words that you can only say at the end because ‘I love you’ means the story is over. All the adventures, the journey, it’s all over once ‘I love you’ is said because that’s the best, most important part of their relationship.” 
“...okay.” 
“I’ve been afraid my entire life that I would never find someone to say it to.” Peter’s dark eyes dimmed in remembered sadness. “I told you I’ve never had a real relationship, I’ve never had an Alpha outside my heat. I’ve never even really wanted to date. The only people I’ve ever loved have been family and friends and I used to be terrified that I’d go my whole life without finding someone else to say these ultra important, life defining words to.” 
“And then.” the Omega sat up straighter in the bed, clutched the blankets tight in his fist. “Then I started to worry that I actually would find a person to say ‘I love you’ to, and they wouldn’t say it back. Or maybe they would say it but it wouldn’t be true and we’d split up. So many marriages end in divorce now, and you can chemically break bonds so there’s nothing to ensure those words actually mean anything at all! But everyone acts like without those words, without ‘I love you’, you’ll never be complete, that your story isn’t worth reading or watching or even really fulfilled until someone says it and I gotta tell you--” 
Peter shook his head. “That sucks. That feeling? That-- that fear that you’ll never be complete? It sucks.” 
Wade rocked back onto his heels, clasping his hands loosely between his knees and cocking his head curiously at his mate. “I still dunno what you’re trying to say, Pete.” 
“Yeah, I’m doing a really bad job at this.” Peter pushed his hair out of his eyes and tried again. “I’m saying that my-- my whole life I thought I was probably doomed to be incomplete cos I couldn’t imagine saying ‘I love you’ to someone, I couldn’t imagine my life story just being over once that milestone was reached. No more adventures, no more goals or journeys. ‘I love you’ would be the end of that, because it’s always the end in the love stories.” 
“But?” the Alpha prompted. “You don’t feel like that anymore?” 
“Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” Peter finally finished. “I didn’t have to think about falling in love with you, didn’t have to worry if it was real, and when I finally said the words, I realized it was sorta weird that we hadn’t said them before.” 
Wade fully agreed with that, and the Omega trilled happily before continuing, “I love you my mate, and you love me, and it’s just words. Just one minute out of our day and our story isn’t over. ‘I love you’ wasn’t even a main event. This isn’t the last page in our book or the fade to black at the end of a movie or the most exciting moment we are going to have together.” 
“Not even close.” Wade allowed and Peter whispered, “I can’t believe I used to be so scared of those words. Can’t believe I used to be scared my life would be incomplete if I never heard them.” 
Wade pulled out his flint stone and lit the fire, poked and prodded at the kindling until the flame held steady then asked, “Would anything be different if we hadn’t said ‘I love you’ the other night? Would you feel any different?” 
“No.” the Omega answered immediately. “No. It was nice to hear it, but it was just words, just something audible for what I already knew. I already knew you loved me.” 
“Yeah, Pete. That’s cos ‘I love you’ is just words.” the Alpha finally stood up and wiped his hands down his pants, checking his palms for splinters before crossing the room to the bed. “But we’re mates. Bonded. Soon to be mated--” 
Peter’s honeysuckle scent lifted bright with anticipation and Wade grinned, flashing curved fangs at his Omega. “-- and what we got is more than words, baby boy. Words aren’t even enough for it. That’s why ‘I love you’ isn’t scary, why it barely matters. More than words, Pete.”
Wade would never be over how pretty Peter was when he blushed, the way his freckles disappeared into pink and his smile stretched wide enough to be corny, and this time was no exception. Peter blushed and Wade did the only thing an Alpha could do when presented with his mate being so beautiful--
--bent and kissed the Omega until Peter was breathless and purring and trying to wiggle out of the blankets to throw both arms around his Alpha’s neck. 
“Stay in bed.” Wade spread a hand across Peter’s hip to keep the Omega on the mattress. “Rest, Pete. You need to rest.” 
“But I need some attention from my Alpha.” Peter countered, undoing the buttons at Wade’s collar and yanking clumsily at his shirt. “Especially since you were just real romantic with me. You can’t say things like that and then not take my clothes off. Stop doing chores and pay attention to me.” 
“Omega, I am always paying attention to you.” Wade stilled his mate’s greedy hands and Peter pouted up at him. “You’re always on my mind, sweetheart. But until Bruce gives the okay--” 
“--I’d rather be on your hands than on your mind.” Quick as a flash the Omega snatched at Wade’s hand and pushed it down to his own rear, giggling triumphantly when Wade instinctively groped at him. “See, isn’t that better?” 
“You’re being ridiculous.” Wade couldn’t resist just one more quick grope, but then dragged his hand away and re-deposited Peter onto the blankets. “And absolutely bratty, which means you must be feeling better. When Bruce checks you out and say you’ve recovered all the way, I’ll pay all sorts of attention to you. But until then, I won’t have you getting worn out cos you can’t keep it in your pants.” 
“Okay well what if I just get wet through my pants?” Peter asked seriously. “Does that-- does that count?” 
“The mouth on you, Omega.” Wade tried hard not to laugh. “Guess you got over feelin’ shy when you’re horny, huh?” 
“Definitely not so shy anymore.” the Omega finally relented and flopped onto his pillows. “Well if you aren’t going to kiss me, at least feed me? I’m hungry. What’s for lunch?” 
“You know what’s for lunch.” Wade waggled non existent eyebrows at his mate. “Stew.” 
“WADE!” Peter’s mouth dropped wide open. “You didn’t!” 
“I absolutely did.” 
“SHE WAS A WEE GOATY!” The Omega walloped Wade with a pillow, hitting the Alpha as hard as he could from a sitting position and then scrambling up to his knees to hit him again. “PRACTICALLY A LAMB! TELL ME YOU DIDN’T MAKE GOAT STEW!” 
“Stop that.” Wade snatched a pillow with a huff and shoved it into Peter’s face “Of course I didn't cook the damn goat. It’s elk, Pete. Elk stew. Calm down.” 
“On principal, I’m going to be avoiding any chunks of meat in the stew.” Peter sniffed and the Alpha retorted, “On principal you’re going to eat every bite cos you lost too much weight when you were sick and now you’re feeling bony.” 
“Fine.” Peter eyed Wade suspiciously for a minute longer. “And I think you mean I’m feeling horny. And you know I hate that word so obviously it’s a serious condition.”
“I know you hate that word, and I appreciate you using it anyway.” Laughter and teasing aside, Wade bent low to leave a tender, nearly chaste kiss on Peter’s mouth. “My mate. All those other stories you read or watched or whatever might end with ‘I love you’, but ours doesn’t, alright? This is just our beginning. I promise.” 
“Yeah, well I’m gonna hold you to that, Alpha.” 
Peter waited until Wade had turned his back before sinking into the bed and quieting a whimper of relief. 
The Omega was so tired these days and his mate was so worried, so it wouldn’t do any good to let Wade know how exhausted he was all the time, how the cold had settled in his bones like an ache and just never really went away. 
Wade didn’t need to know that Peter’s fingers shook if he spent too much time writing, or that more than a few bites of food made his stomach hurt, or that his teasing and cajoling for a kiss wasn’t so much anticipation as it was desperation to be close, to be held and warm and safe. 
Peter felt like time was slipping right through his fingers lately, faster and faster until the clock on their life together ran out. He didn’t know what that meant or how every thing would end but he could feel it looming all the same and the Omega was terrified. 
Before all of this-- before the fall, before Wade had spent days at Peter’s bedside begging him to get better, before Bruce had whispered to Wade that maybe they needed to call Cable back-- before all of this, Peter had asked that their first time together be outside of heat. He wanted to remember everything about a night with Wade, didn’t want to be lost in a heat daze or pushed too far into mindlessness and miss out on the wonder of his mate. 
But time was running out, the end creeping closer with each wheeze and cough the Omega tried to hide and every day the need circled lower in Peter’s core, centered heavier beneath his heart, cried out louder from his soul as every inch of his entire being clamored to complete their bond. 
He needed to be stretched and filled by his Alpha, burning from fangs in his throat and clenching tight around a knot between his legs, needed to be screaming himself hoarse while his mate growled into his ear, needed bruises at his hips from being held so tight, and needed to be full, he needed to be full, he needed to be--
“Omega.” 
Peter didn’t realize his eyes had closed until they snapped back open in response to Wade’s growl, and he bit back a gasp when he saw hazel eyes gone dark red with desire, hooked fangs dotted with crimson where Wade had bit through his bottom lip trying to force himself still. 
The Omega’s back arched in instinctive response, knees falling open in a helpless reaction to the wash of possessive from his mate, greed and mine and mine jolting heavy through the dark licorice scent. 
“Omega, what are you thinking about?” Wade licked at his fangs and Peter moaned like he could feel it. “Smell good, sweetheart, tell me what you’re thinking about?” 
The Omega only whined in response to the display, tilted his head to bare the line of his throat, clutched at the blankets and whimpered, “I need you. Alpha I need you--” 
The Alpha’s growl shook the floorboards and Peter swore he could feel it through the soles of his feet. 
“I need you too. Soon, my mate. Soon.”  
**************
**************
One hundred one days and counting...
“You’re fine.” Bruce put his stethoscope away and spent another minute feeling along the glands at Peter’s throat for any swelling, down over his ribs for any additional bruising. “I don’t hear anything in your lungs, hows your cough?” 
“Fine.” Peter started to say but his Alpha interrupted, “Still around, wacky Omega just thinks I don’t hear him secretly coughing.” 
“Well, it’s not good to keep secrets from your mate.” Bruce pressed gingerly at the healed cut on Peter’s head. “And basically impossible when your mate is an Alpha, Wade can probably smell the sick in you still.” 
“Smell the sick--” Peter shook his head. “You said I was fine.” 
“I did.” the doctor acknowledged. “You’re fine, which means I’m not worried about an onset of pneumonia or any broken ribs from your fall. Nothing appears swollen and your color is almost back to normal. You’re fine, meaning you don’t need any additional medical care but that doesn’t mean you aren’t still sick. This sort of thing could linger for a while, you need to keep your activity limited and continue resting as much as possible.” 
Wade made a thoroughly disgruntled noise, one Peter almost immediately copied and Bruce pinched at the bridge of his nose and sighed, “You are healthy enough to resume all activities but keep it less vigorous than you might have previously done, alright? I don’t mind house calls for emergencies but I’m not going to come up here cos neither you nor your mate listened to the doctor's orders and tried to break the bed frame.” 
The Omega squeaked something wholly embarrassed and Bruce finally cracked a smile. “You’ll be fine, Pete. Wade, can I speak to you outside for a moment?” 
“Oh, I can go outside.” Peter was off the bed before either of the other men could protest, taking Wade’s heavy jacket from the hook and bundling into it. “I promise I’m warm, my mate. I just want some fresh air. Please? You’ve barely left me off the bed for weeks, at least let me look at the stars a little.” 
“Eddie is out there.” Bruce reminded him, and when Peter paused uncertainly, the Doctor clarified, “You’re in no danger with Eddie, Omega. But don’t go rushing out the door either. Slow steps, easy movements, alright? He’s fine, but even the most stable of Alphas jump and get growly when they are startled. Slow and easy.” 
“Got it.” Peter waited until his Alpha met his eyes, and smiled. “Alright?” 
“Go on, sweetheart.” Wade jerked his thumb towards the door. “Go get your fresh air.” 
“I love you.” the Omega blew him a quick kiss and ducked out the door, and the moment it shut behind him Bruce asked--
“You haven’t mated with him yet? I thought nearly losing him would push you to hurry the bond.” 
“Not yet.” Wade shook his head. “Soon, though. Can’t take the wait much longer.” 
“This is how you lost Vanessa.” the word were mild but the Alpha still recoiled, still growled and Bruce clicked his tongue in sympathy. “This isn’t the same thing. Peter is not Vanessa, Wade.”
“No. he’s not.” the Alpha pulled a handful of bills from his pocket and showed them to the Doctor before dropping them in the black medicinal bag. “But Pete’s time is limited anyway. I had most of twenty years with Vanessa, I’ll be lucky to have most of six months with Pete. It hurts, Bruce.” 
“I know it does.” Bruce tried to hand Wade back the money. “And I’m sorry.” 
“Took me fifty years to stop missing Vanessa.” Wade took the money back, then shoved it immediately into the bag again. “Another twenty years to realize I’d finally stopped missing her. And when I lose Pete, will I have to do it all over again? Seventy years being alone before the universe sends me another mate so I can fall in love and then lose them too?”
“Some of us would love to have twenty years with our mate.” Bruce said quietly. “Some of us consider it a blessing to live long enough to love three mates.”
“It’s not a blessing, it’s a curse.” Wade looked away from the sadness written in the Doc’s face. “And I know you’re right, I know Cable needs to come back and take Peter to his own timeline so he can heal and continue on but I-- shit. Seventy years I grieved for Vanessa before finding love again. But in Peter’s world they don’t even scent match, they don’t believe in soulmates, they just date each other and fall in love and get married. How long will it be before he moves on from missing me? Or when Cable takes him back, will Peter even remember me? Will I be stuck in this timeline with all our memories while he lives in another with nothing?” 
“... I don’t know the answer to those questions, Wade.” 
“That’s alright.” the Alpha fell into a chair and buried his face in his hands. “I don’t think I’d want to know the answers anyway.” 
*****************
Eddie was darker than the shadows, darker than the night sky, an unnatural stain in the gathering dusk and when Wade’s Omega stepped out from the cabin and onto the porch, they shifted further back into the trees and narrowed their eyes to watch. 
The Omega was gorgeous, pretty eyes and soft soft skin and the sort of beauty Eddie wasn’t allowed to touch anymore. The Omegas in Haven ran from them, the children ducked away and stared from behind their mama’s skirts. The Alphas watched them, studied them, pretended not to jerk away from the scent of oil and danger and mess and Wade’s Omega-- 
--Wade’s Omega was the sort of beauty they weren’t allowed to touch anymore so Eddie clenched their fists until skin tore beneath their claws and blood pooled in their palms and forced themselves still.
“Eddie?” 
They couldn’t stop their eyes from blinking wide, staring at the Omega in surprise. Was he-- was he talking to them?
“Eddie? Are you out here?” Peter gathered the coat tighter around himself and perched on the bottom step. “Bruce said you were out--” 
The Omega sucked in a quick breath when Eddie shifted forward, when their deeper dark separated from the shadows and moved closer. “Oh. Oh there you are. Um. Hey.” 
“You shouldn’t be out here, Omega.” Eddie hovered at the edge of the porch, right at the line where light and shadows met. “It’s cold. Go back inside.” 
“I’m plenty warm.” The Omega shrugged as if he didn’t realize how much danger he was in. “I have my Alpha’s jacket. Aren't you cold though? You’re only wearing a long sleeve shirt.” 
“We are never cold.” Eddie pulled themselves tighter together, a rattling sound like scales clicking into place filling the air as they hid the black away deeper and pushed closer towards human so they wouldn’t scare the Omega away. “What are you doing out here, Omega?” 
“It’s just Peter.” The Omega Peter peered into the early evening gloom like he was trying to piece together a body connected to Eddie’s glassy eyes. “And I came out here to say thank you. Wade said you saved me, that he got busy on a project and didn’t realize I was gone. You found me and save me, right? Carried me up the mountain to the cabin and then went to get Bruce?” 
“Yessss.” Eddie blinked until their eyes returned to normal, until they felt nearly real. “Yes, we did.” 
“Well um--” Peter cleared his throat and smiled in their direction. “Thank you for saving my life. I wish I had a-- a gift for you or something, but Wade hasn’t let me leave the cabin in like two weeks so all I can say is thank you.” 
Silence, because Eddie didn’t know how to respond to ‘thank you’ anymore than they knew how to respond to a willing smile. 
But finally they stretched from the shadows, detached from the night and sat heavy on the other end of the porch. They needed plenty of distance between themselves and Wade’s mate, plenty of distance so they wouldn’t scare Peter. Nothing good would come of frightening the little Omega and Eddie didn’t want to scare him away, not again, not like they’d scared Peter the last time--
“Oh I’m sure it was my fault.” Peter laughed softly. “Wade warned me not everyone in Haven wanted me to ask them a thousand questions but you know what they say about curiosity and cats, right? No harm done.” 
Eddie paused, confused, and Peter realized, “Oh. You didn’t know you said all that stuff about scaring me out loud. Should I have not answered?” 
“Most days we only have each other to talk to.” Eddie struggled to enunciate the words, struggled to be sure they were purposefully speaking out loud this time. “We forget other people are listening.” 
“You don’t talk to Bruce?” Peter hummed sympathetically. “Clint and Logan? My Alpha said all of you are friends, or that you were friends or that um--” 
“Logan’s Alpha would drop me in pieces from the sky if I came near his mate.” The urge to smile was foreign to them, but the Omega was so earnest in his questions that Eddie almost couldn’t help themselves. “Clint is not afraid of us, but we are not allowed near his mate. We are not supposed to be too close to Omegas.” 
“That seems awful.” Peter scented like lavender and honeysuckle and something lower Eddie recognized as Wade. He scented like truth but more importantly he didn’t scent afraid, and for the first time in a very long time, Eddie felt a little bit less horrifying.
“Wade isn’t nervous about you being around me.” Peter was still talking when Eddie tuned back into the fairly one sided conversation. “I don’t know if that’s because Bruce trusts you whole heartedly, or because you saved me or because he has known you so long but--”
“We are sorry for scaring you that night in Haven.” Eddie interrupted and Peter’s mouth clicked audibly shut in the night air. “You are not from here, you are not mutant but you are not a human that belongs so we thought you were like me, like us. We thought you would recognize us, so we jumped out at you, but you didn’t know us.” 
“You thought I was like you?” Peter’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Really?” 
“We are not mutant.” Eddie hated to say these things, to admit they weren’t all the things that made everyone else normal. “And we are not human. We do not belong, and neither do you. We thought you were the same and whenever we feel anything too strongly, we… we flicker. We blur. And we are sorry.” 
“You--” Peter was obviously, visibly still stuck on Eddie thinking he was like them, but he cleared his throat and said softly, “You don’t have to apologize.” 
Yes we do, it’s important. Eddie didn’t know if they said that out loud or not, but the mantra clamored through their mind all the same. Apologizing was important, it was important for others to hear, important to say so they knew what they’d done. So many things Eddie had done they could never apologize for, so now they apologized for everything. 
Yes, we do.
“You don’t have to sit so far away from me.” Wade’s Omega was so honest, so unfiltered and Eddie didn’t know how to take it. “I’m not afraid of you. Come sit closer, the edge of the porch is super uncomfortable and I know I said I wasn’t cold before but seriously, it’s freezing and--” 
“We aren’t supposed to touch.” Eddie whispered. “No no.” 
“But I’m cold.” 
“Go back inside.” Eddie was already moving, already inching across the porch closer to the pretty Omega cos they couldn’t resist-- they didn’t want to resist. Any second now Peter’s scent would burn horrified and he would leave but until then Eddie wanted to maybe be just a little close. “Go inside to your mate.”  
Eddie waited for the Omega to run, but when they were too close to turn away, Peter only smiled encouragingly and that-- that gave them the courage to settle. 
“...no one touches me but Bruce.” Eddie held out their hand slowly, fingernails lengthening to claws before shortening again, black coiling in their palm before fading away further up their arm. “Sometimes we miss-- we miss it. Omegas run away, we are not allowed to be close, never too close and we miss it. We aren’t supposed to touch.” 
They weren’t supposed to touch, but they held out their hand anyway and waited for the Omega to pull away--
--but Peter took Eddie’s hand with out hesitating.
It was a clear cry for physical attention, not romantic, not fond, not what mated pairs would share, not even the kind Omegas gave to Alphas they trusted. Eddie was asking for basic human contact, the sort of casual touch one would receive on the street as someone else tried to pass, no more intimate than a hand shake or pat on the back and despite the scent of oil and anger, despite the way even the air felt thick around Eddie, Peter reached out and slid his fingers across their palm and clasped their hands tight together. 
No hesitation.
“Oh.” Eddie shuddered, rolled, and black flickered across their skin. “Th--thank you. Sweet Omega. Thank you.” 
“Can I ask you something?” Peter watched in fascination as Eddie’s nails lengthened to claws again before retreating. “You can say no. I always have a thousand questions to ask but you don’t have to answer anything.” 
“Ask.” Eddie made a visible effort to pull the black back even further, his shoulders hunching and frame folding in on itself as if he were trying to hide. “Go ahead.” 
“Bruce told me Cable brought him here to help you after--” Peter squeezed lightly at Eddie’s hand. “--after everything?” 
“Everything.” A ripple through Eddie’s body. “Yes. Yes, that was when Bruce came.” 
“Will you tell me how… how you became they?” Peter was practically whispering. “Because you are… you are them, right? Not just you. Not just Eddie.” 
“We are Eddie.” 
“Right. Of course. Sorry, I just--” 
“We found each other in the forest.” Eddie smiled a little, too many teeth glinting in the light from the windows, their voice gone deep and fond. “I was hunting at Starfall Peak and found a rock covered in black. I touched it, and they swarmed up through me.” 
“...they.” 
“I thought I would die.” Eddie said softer. “It hurt, we hurt. We were hungry all the time. Fighting for my body, fighting for my mind and my soul. But Anne-- Anne helped me. We learned to be us, we learned to be together, to keep calm and hidden but when we lost Anne--” 
Their fingers tightened too hard around Peter and the Omega trilled soothingly. “--when we lost Anne, we thought we would die all over again. Wanted to die all over again. Wanted to do terrible things so we-- so we did. Terrible things. And when the terrible things were over and we still wanted to die, we couldn’t. We-- we tried.” 
“Eddie--” 
“Cable stopped us.” Eddie said then. “First Cable. Then Bruce. Cable stopped us and Bruce saved us.”
“How did Bruce save you?”’Peter whispered, and Eddie whispered back—
“His monster is bigger than our monster. He saves us like Anne saved us and we– we love him very much.”
“You love him?” Peter shivered in the night wind and huddled further into the coat. “Do you love him like I love my mate?”
“We are different.” Eddie said slowly. “And terrible. We are different and terrible but Bruce is– is beautiful. Like you, Omega. You are beautiful too.”
Peter reached out carefully carefully and brushed his fingers over Eddie’s chin, swept through the loose curls around their ears and watched in fascination as the black in Eddie’s veins fled from his touch before rushing to fill in again.
“What– what are you doing?” Eddie almost sounded afraid and something twisted sad in Peter’s heart. “Omega, you shouldn’t touch, we aren’t allowed to touch.”
“You’re beautiful.” Peter said softly, earnestly, and Eddie reared back in surprise, eyes snapping reflective and teeth crowding sharp. “No no no, you are. You’re– you’re incredible. I can’t believe I have the chance to meet someone like you. I want to know everything about you but I promise I won’t ask a million questions cos I know that’s annoying but–”
Eddie leaned in slowly, gently, pushing his forehead into Peter’s and holding his breath until the Omega scooted closer so their knees bumped too.
“Sweet Omega.” their voice was raw and awful but Peter didn’t pull away and Eddie purred low in his throat in gratitude. “Thank you.”
The curtains at the cabin window twitched as Bruce turned away from the glass, and Wade asked, “Is my mate okay? Eddie?” 
“They’re fine, just sitting together.” The Doctor hesitated, then added, “Your mate really is perfect, isn’t he?” 
“Yes.” the Alpha answered immediately. “Yeah Pete is just about fuckin’ perfect.” 
Bruce put a hand on Wade’s shoulder and murmured, “I’m real sorry he can’t stay, Wade.” 
“Yep.” Another immediate answer, but shaky and pained and devastated. “Me too.” 
*************
“Alpha my Alpha.” After Bruce and Eddie had gone on their way and the cabin was quiet again, Peter came up behind Wade at the fireplace and wrapped both arms around his mate. “You scent sad, why do you scent sad? Bruce said I was okay, that my health is fine. What’s wrong?” 
“Nothing’s wrong.” Wade was lying, dishonesty bleeding into his cedar scent but when Peter frowned and started to ask about it, Wade hushed him and gathered the Omega closer. 
“Nothing’s wrong, baby boy. Let me take you to bed, hold you alright?” 
“You can hold me naked.” Peter corrected and Wade swallowed back the threat of tears so he could tip Peter’s chin up and give him a gentle, gentle kiss. 
“I’d love to hold you naked, my mate. Get that adorable ass in bed.” 
****************
****************
One hundred two days and counting…
“You aren’t supposed to be working, Pete.” Wade didn’t think he’d ever been so disapproving in his entire life, but somehow not even his best scowl stopped his mate from dunking blankets in the bathtub. “You’re supposed to be resting.” 
“I’m tired of resting on sicky blankets.” the Omega didn’t pause in his chore. “And if you are going to disapprove, could you at least disapprove while helping me wring the blankets out? Because they are very heavy and I am very petite.” 
“Oh, so when you want to ride Arthur while screeching like a banshee, you’re a strong independent Omega that doesn’t need a saddle, but now that you want help with laundry, you’re petite?” 
“That’s exactly right.” Peter attacked one of the sheets with a scrubbie. “I’m petite and I need some help, so come and help. That’s your job, you’re my Alpha. Help me wash sheets.” 
Wade pursed his lips and growled in frustration, but his mouthy mate only held out a bar of soap and made his eyes extra big and extra soft and damn it, the Alpha had no chance of resisting that. 
“I’m only helping cos resting on clean blankets will make sure you recover faster.” he informed the Omega and Peter’s smile nearly split his face in two. “Not because you’re petite or beautiful or because I love your smile. Stop smiling. You haven’t actually won this argument.” 
“Are we arguing, Alpha my Alpha?” It was impossible for Peter’s smile to get any bigger, but it stretched anyway. “What are we arguing about? I thought we were just doing laundry together like couples do when they are in committed, healthy and mutually beneficial relationships.” 
“Throwing big words at me isn’t going to get you outta trouble for workin’, Pete.” Wade stripped out of his shirt and tossed it away, then dragged over the big pot so he had something to drop the wet blankets in. “After this I want you to sleep th’rest of the day. I’ll take care of the chores, alright? I want you in bed.” 
“I wasn’t planning on helping with chores anyway.” the Omega said pertly and Wade retorted, “If I wasn’t so happy you’re feeling good enough to sass me, I’d make you do the chores yourself. Feed that stupid goat you won’t let me eat.” 
“You’d never make me do chores alone.” Peter’s dark eyes tracked over Wade’s shoulders, down his chest and across his abdomen to the sharp cut of the Alpha’s hipbones above his pants. “I miss you, Alpha.” 
“I miss you too.” Wade hefted one of the soaking blankets up and began wringing it out as best he could before dropping it in the pot. “But if you keep looking at me like that, we won’t get this laundry done and I’m pretty sure you’ll shriek at me if I try to get you naked on wet blankets.” 
Peter muffled a laugh and set to work on the next blanket. “Are you gonna try and get me naked tonight, Alpha?”
“Last night you threatened to throw my clothes away if I didn’t get undressed exactly when you wanted.” The Alpha pointed out. “I figured I wouldn’t have to try to get you naked at all.” 
“You don’t have to try.” Peter was blushing, but his smile was half past wicked. “But you’re right. I’d shriek about wet blankets. We better get the laundry done first.” 
It took another hour, but Wade managed to get the blankets and sheets scrubbed to his mate’s specifications, and after a meal that involved Peter poking suspiciously at chunks of meat and whining when the Alpha all but forced him to bundle up in the one dry blanket left in the cabin, the Omega finally fell asleep. 
Then Wade got to work stoking the fire extra high and re-hanging a cauldron of water, started a fire in the yard and piled full pots there as well, wiped out the tub to get rid of harsh lye residue and crumbled up pieces of lavender soap instead. 
It had been two weeks since the first attempt at a bath, but this time Wade wasn’t letting Peter out of the cabin so there would be no missing Omega, no panicked searching, no nights and nights of terror waiting for his mate to wake up. 
Today it would just be a bath, just Peter splashing around in the water and ending up gorgeous and soft and scenting so sweet. It’d be drinking and teasing and kissing until his Omega was purring and pliant and hazy in Wade’s arms. It’d be the present Wade had bought in Haven so many weeks ago, the one he’d wrapped and hidden away so his mate would be properly surprised. It’d be clean blankets and freshly plumped pillows and the firelight on Peter’s skin and the taste of his mate on his tongue and that gorgeous body spread out beneath his own and--
Wade shook his head and forced the thoughts away before he burned himself on a too hot pot and woke Peter up with a very un-Alpha like yelp of pain. Nope, tonight had to be perfect. No injuries, no accidents, no drama. Just perfect. 
Absolutely perfect.
Before leaving to get more firewood and start the evening chores, Wade tore a piece of paper from one of Peter’s notebooks and scribbled a quick note to his mate: 
Pete, 
For the love of god, do not leave the cabin. Having to look for you in the woods once was bad enough, I’m not ready to try it again. Open your present, take a long bath, I’ll be back in after chores to spend all night with you. 
And then feeling absolutely ridiculous, but knowing full well Peter loved when he was ridiculous, the Alpha put a dozen or so hearts at the bottom of the note too. 
“This Omega is making me soft.” he muttered, and left the note on top of the beautifully wrapped present at the foot of their bed, lingering long enough to brush gentle fingers down his mate’s cheek. “S’good thing you’re gorgeous.” 
Wade closed the door as quietly as he could, and the literal second it latched shut, Peter’s eyes popped open and he lunged for the present the Alpha had left behind. 
“Yayyyyy presents.” he whispered, tearing at the paper and already laughing a little. The Omega was well aware how weird it was to be excited by new notebooks but there was something very good about piles of blank pages and brand new pencils, there was something exciting about having all that space to fill up with thoughts and ideas and memories. The most recent book was only halfway full but seeing as how the enough with his mate was going to change very very soon--
--Peter clenched his thighs together and bit his lip to quiet a thready moan, focused on opening his present instead of how long it had been since Wade had held him down in bed and kissed him senseless or let those thick fingers track low between his thighs or growled into his ear just before baring his fangs and--
“Whoo boy.” the Omega shifted on the bed uncomfortably and fanned at his face with a self conscious blush. “Alright. Presents not--” naked. “-- yep. Presents. New notebooks and maybe new pencils and this will be…” 
The words trailed off when the last of the paper fell away and Peter gulped when he saw his present. “...amazing. This will be amazing.” 
{{Peter’s present looks something like this}}
A vanity set wasn’t what Peter had expected from his mate, but the gesture took his breath away all the same. Beautiful rose gold gleamed in the afternoon sun, the scrolled details on the brush handle perfectly matching the design on the coordinating hand mirror, and the ivory comb was fine tipped, delicate and gorgeous. 
This was a courting gift, the sort of thing Alphas used to give to their intended. Intimate and personal, a vanity set meant to lay in an Omegas boudoir and be used in their private dressing rooms. Vanity sets were wedding gifts, expensive and usually custom made and meant to last decades, carefully restored when they began to fade, meticulously repaired if the mirror cracked or the comb bent. 
A gift from one mate to another, intimate and beautiful and thoughtful and after weeks of being sick, Peter could blame his sudden tears on emotional exhaustion and not on the overtly romantic gesture from his Alpha. It was left over achiness that had his breath catching, not the thought that Wade must have picked this set out months ago when they spent the night in Haven. His rough around the edges, mountain man Alpha had wandered through Mr. Lee’s store to find this pretty set, or at the very least let Mr. Lee talk his ear off about a thousand different options before settling on this one and it was incredible.
Peter lay the pieces aside gently and clambered off the bed to see his other present-- a still steaming bath full of fragrant soap, fluffy towels laid out to warm by the fire and a small plate of dark chocolate and tangy, dried fruit. 
“Romance novels and love stories have nothing on you, my mate.” the Omega whispered as he dipped his fingers into the almost too hot water. “Nothing at all.” 
*************
“So how long after I left did you wait to open your present?” Wade shook the snow from his boots and jacket and set them aside, eyeing the full bath tub and water wrinkled Omega with a knowing smirk. “Five minutes? Ten?” 
“I opened my present the second the door closed.” Peter’s cheeks were pink, hair curling around his ears from the steam, skin flushed from the heat. “And I love them. I love you.” 
“I love you too.” Wade bent over the tub and kissed a dot of dart chocolate from his mate’s lips. “I know the vanity set is sort of a useless gift, and courting gifts probably aren’t a real thing in your time line but--” 
“I’ve combed my hair ten times.” the Omega interrupted. “Ten times, Alpha. And if the mirror wouldn’t fog up in the bathtub, I’d have that over here too. I love it. Thank you.” 
“Well your hair is amazing.” the Alpha kissed Peter one more time, hiding any lingering self consciousness from the gift in the motion. Peter was from a time line without scent matches, without old fashioned traditions like courting, hell the Omega had barely believed in soulmates when they met. A vanity set was a useless present, especially here on the mountain where Peter didn’t have a private dressing room or even an actual bedroom. A useless present but his mate was smiling anyway, so maybe it was alright.  
“Come in here with me.” Peter wove their fingers together and tugged at his Alpha coaxingly. “Please?” 
“Pete.” Helplessly, Wade’s gaze dropped to the bathwater and all the perfect skin on display beneath the water. “We should get something to eat and then maybe--” 
“Two weeks, Alpha.” Peter cut in. “Two weeks since I fell and got sick. I miss you. I miss holding you and kissing you and I miss your bite.” he tilted his head and tapped at his bonding spot. “Don’t you miss me?” 
“Of course I miss you.” the Alpha’s voice went rough, cedar scent jolting hungry. “My mate, I miss you so bad I can’t even stand it. Want you, want to bite you, want you--” Peter’s eyes widened and Wade swallowed. “-- so I should get naked right now.” 
“Right now.” Peter laughed in delight when Wade started stripping right away, but the laughter fell away to quiet awe as the Omega suddenly remembered just how big his mate was. Wade was huge, massive shoulders and a broad chest, thick arms and heavy legs and the Alpha’s cock was--
“Eyes up here, my mate.” Wade teased and Peter didn’t even make an effort to look away, going so far as to lick his lips as he answered, “I’ve made my viewing choice and I’m happy with the decision.” 
The Alpha practically preened under the scrutiny and approval from his mate as he scrubbed down with the cloth in the wash basin, but he raised his eyebrows when he stepped towards the bath and Peter was still staring. 
“Gonna make me self conscious, Omega.” Wade hissed a little as he settled into the water. “Starin’ at an Alpha like that.” 
“Is that all I’m going to make you?” Peter’s eyes were practically glowing, mouth swollen and slick from biting at his bottom lip in anticipation. “Self conscious? Not anything else… bigger?” 
“Jesus, the mouth on you.” Wade grinned and felt around in the water until he could wrap a hand around each of Peter’s slim ankles, tugging gently until the Omega slumped further into the bath so Wade could massage up his calves to the back of his knees. “I’ve missed your sass, my mate. You were so quiet when you were sick, m’glad you’re smiling again.” 
“You make me smile, Alpha.” Peter settled back into the hot water and lay his head on the rim of the tub, closing his eyes and thoroughly enjoying the feel of his Alpha’s legs crowded up against his hips. Wade was so big he had to bend his knees just to fit in the bath and when Peter stretched out he could put his toes against the Alpha’s stomach and feel every breath his mate took. 
Perfect.
Skin on skin was perfect after so long apart, and the water made every moment slick and smooth. The air was hazy with steam, the fire crackling and light spilling gold onto the water, and Peter felt like he could happily drown in the warmth, slip under for his mate and float away into bliss with nothing more than Wade’s touch grounding him. 
“Settle.” Wade’s hazel eyes had gone soft red as he watched his mate drift, voice pitching low and coaxing. “My mate, settle.” 
“I’m settled, my love.” Peter ran his fingers through his hair, shaking the droplets away only to have them land on his lashes and drip down his cheek. “So so settled.” 
“More.” The cabin seemed small tonight, secure and safe and hidden away from the winter, from the cold, from how sick Peter had been and how inevitable Cable was and Wade couldn't believe how badly he suddenly needed to see his mate soft. “Give me more, Pete. Settle. Relax. Get all sweet for me, yeah?” 
“Mmm, my Alpha, I’ll be sweet for you when you put me to bed.” Peter’s gorgeous mouth curved into an adoring smile. “You know, I can feel you staring at me. What are you thinking about? Besides me being naked, I mean.” 
Wade watched the Omega-- his Omega-- for another moment, and his voice cracked, his fingers tightening at Peter’s knee when he finally whispered, “I want you to be mine, Pete.” 
“Alpha.” 
“I can’t stand not having you anymore.” his fingers tightened at Peter’s knee and the Omega shuddered. “We were ready for another enough before you got sick, and I know bonds don’t usually take outside of heat but we are soulmates, Pete. We are soulmates and you came through time to find me. We’re meant to be.”
“I--” Wade’s throat jerked as he swallowed. “I’m tired of waiting. I want you.” 
“You have me.” the Omega shifted forward in the bath until he was straddling Wade’s thighs, inched closer until he was sat squarely on his mate’s lap. “Alpha my Alpha, you have me. We don’t need to wait for a heat, we don’t need to wait at all anymore.” 
Peter flattened his hand to Wade’s heart and counted the beats for a moment. “Don’t you feel it? Don’t you feel me?” 
“Yeah, baby boy.” Just like he’d done every other time, Wade covered Peter’s hand with his own. “Yeah, I feel you.” 
“I’m yours.” the Omega pushed their foreheads together, notched tighter on Wade’s lap and mewled when he felt his Alpha harden beneath him. “My mate. I’m yours. You’re mine. We don’t need to wait.” 
“You’re mine.” Barely audible, hushed and almost reverent. “I’m yours, Omega. I swear it. This is your first time and I swear I’ll take care of you. I’ll be everything for you baby boy. Gonna give you everything, anything, whatever you want. I promise.” 
“My mate.” Peter turned his nose into the Alpha’s palm, purred soft and sweet and submissive. “I only want you.” 
****************
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Bluehost Web Hosting Reviews: It Is Cheap, but Is It Good?
Bluehost Hosting: It Is Cheap, but Is It Good
Bluehost is one of the most popular and, at the same time, most affordable web hosts on the market. In this Bluehost hosting review, we take a look at what’s under the hood, how good the platform really is, and whether it’s the right solution for your next website project.
Here are the things we’re going to cover:
•       Types of web hosting that Bluehost offers
•       Features and pricing
•       Ease of use
•       Performance and load times
•       Customer support
•       Pros and cons of Bluehost hosting
•       Conclusion – should you use Bluehost?What is Bluehost and what type of hosting it offers?
Over the years,Bluehost has grown to be one of the most popular hosting companies out there, especially for WordPress sites.
Just glancing at their homepage and all the different products that Bluehost offers tells you a lot about why it’s won so many users over. First off, Bluehost has numerous different hosting products in their portfolio – not just simple website hosting.
Second, their prices are really, really affordable. Plus, you also get a handful of bonuses thrown in for free. This makes your overall cost of launching a site much lower vs what you’d have to pay with the competition.
But let’s start at the beginning. Here are the different types of hosting that Bluehost has in store, including one that is likely going to be the pick for most users.
Let’s divide the list into a couple of categories:
1. Entry-level web hosting
This is the budget solution in Bluehost’s portfolio of web hosting. These plans are usually chosen by users who are new to the concept of owning a website and needing web hosting to make it happen.
Bluehost has two main offerings that fall under entry-level hosting:
•           Shared web hosting
•           Basic WordPress hosting
While it may seem like the latter is better if you want to use WordPress as your website engine, in reality, both are the same product. From what I’ve seen, this is simply a different marketing framing, but the elements on the inside are the same.
2. Managed WordPress hosting
The basic WordPress hosting plans mentioned above are just that – basic. However, Bluehost also offers a more advanced package called
Compared to the basic offering, the managed variety takes care of all the technical aspects of the hosting setup and Managed WordPress.
In other words, when you’re on managed WordPress hosting, you don’t have to worry about anything related to keeping your site operational. Instead, you can just focus on creating content and promoting your site.
Managed plans also give you more power under the hood 💪, which is important for sites with an established position in the market that receive more traffic.
Bluehost also has a tailor-made offering for WordPress websites running WooCommerce – for eCommerce stores. Those plans come with some WooCommerce-specific elements pre-installed (WooCommerce itself, an optimized theme, payment processing tools, security, extras).
If you’re looking for a host because you are indeed going to be launching a WooCommerce store, this is probably the solution for you.
3. Professional hosting
The last tier of Bluehost hosting is what we can call professional-level hosting. Two main products here:
•           VPS hosting
•           Dedicated servers
The former is a very interesting concept that’s built around hosting virtualization. VPS stands for virtual private server. What you’re actually getting here is access to a web hosting setup that runs as a virtual machine on a bigger, physical server. It’s a setup beneficial when building web apps or other types of web-based products that are not necessarily standard websites.
If you do indeed need a whole physical machine at your disposal, that’s what dedicated servers are for. This type of web hosting is usually the most expensive and powerful hosting option available with most companies.
Bluehost hosting review: features and pricing ⚙️💸
As you read above, Bluehost has many different hosting plans and tiers available, and each of them delivers a slightly different set of features.
For the purpose of this Bluehost hosting review, we’ll look at the entry-level plan called Basic Web Hosting
It’s the most budget-friendly solution in the lineup and, for that reason, also the most popular one among customers.
Here’s a snapshot of the pricing page at the time of writing:
As you can see, Bluehost has a very affordable offering that starts at just $2.95/mo. However, the first thing you must know about this price is that you have to sign up for a three-year contract in order to get it. It is also paid upfront, which means that you do have to shell out $106.20 on day one.
There are options to begin with shorter contracts, but the prices grow with those a bit. Here’s the full picture:
36 months: Basic $2.95/mo, Plus and Choice Plus     $5.45/mo, Pro $13.95/mo
24 months: Basic $3.95/mo, Plus and Choice Plus     $6.95/mo, Pro $15.95/mo
12 months: Basic $4.95/mo, Plus and Choice Plus     $7.45/mo, Pro $18.95/mo
Bluehost doesn’t offer month-to-month payment options
Okay, but what do you get for these prices?
Overall, Bluehost focuses on delivering two things:
the basic set of features and server capabilities that     most users will need,
making those features easy to use and accessible.
All the entry-level plans are very similar on paper, but there are a couple of fine differences.
First of all, none is “more powerful” than the other. Speaking in terms of computing power and the “scale of website,” they can all handle the same load. The differences are mainly in the size of website and number of websites you’re allowed to run.
On the Basic plan, you are allowed only one website. Your disk space is also limited to 50 GB.
All the other plans let you run unlimited websites and  consume unlimited disk space while doing so.
This is great because what it means in practice is that if you want to build 2+ websites, Bluehost will only charge you $5.45/mo for that.
Here’s what else you get.
The Basic plan:
24/7 customer support via phone and chat (more on the     quality of that later in this Bluehost hosting review),
access to custom themes from within the Bluehost panel,
a free domain name for the first year(!) plus access to a domain manager,
email hosting – albeit it’s kind of hidden in the     panel,
a $100 Google Ads credit and Google My Business     integration,
free CDN integration – a “content delivery network”     hook-up means that your website’s data is served from multiple servers     across the web instead of just one machine; this improves your site speed     a lot,
free SSL certificates.
The Choice plan throws in a free Office 365 subscription for one month. The Choice Plus gives you additional access to free domain privacy (so that no one can check your personal data associated with the domain name) and free automatic backups. Lastly, the Pro plan offers an additional dedicated IP address (important when building web apps/tools, not so much for standard websites).
Overall, there really is nothing here that’s missing. Bluehost has put some real thought behind what the essential web hosting features are and then put them all together in this offering.
The free domain is a huge deal in particular! You’d usually have to pay around $15 for a new domain name registration. While it’s not a lot, it still adds up to your overall website launch bill. The fact that Bluehost throws that in for free is great.
⚠️ Note. Mind the renewal prices. Bluehost, like most hosting companies, will charge you a different amount when first signing up for their service vs renewing after a while. Those renewal prices are higher. Take a look at that pricing screenshot above one more time. See the crossed off price below the main price? That’s the renewal price – it’s what you’re going to pay after your initial contract is up.
Bluehost hosting review: ease of use 👐
Bluehost does a lot to make the signup and website launch process as smooth as possible. They realize that whoever’s choosing the entry-level plan probably doesn’t have a lot of experience with web hosting. Bluehost tries to make it possible for that user to configure everything on their own without outside help. All within the Bluehost hosting interface.
Once you get through the purchase process on Bluehost’s website and finalize everything, you’ll be invited to your new user profile page.
Right away, Bluehost will ask you how you want to go about building your website and if you want to have WordPress installed on your setup. They will even ask you whether you want to work on your site in the classic model (by picking a theme and modifying it) or use Bluehost’s new builder interface.
I went with the first option since it’s more common for WordPress users to do so.
Next, right in the main dashboard, you get a couple of suggestions as to what you should do to make your site better:
You can log into your WordPress site directly from the dashboard as well – just click the Log in to WordPress button in the top right corner.
If you take a look at the sidebar to the left, you’ll find links to other useful sections:
Home.     It’s where you are right now.
My Sites.     Since you can have more than one site on most Bluehost hosting plans, this     is where you can see them all.
Marketplace.     Bluehost makes it easy to integrate your site with other third-party     tools, add-ons, and also upgrade your hosting tier if needed. This section     is where you can purchase and install those integrations with a couple of     clicks.
WordPress themes and plugins. This is a subsection under Marketplace, but I     feel I should highlight it here. Bluehost gives you access to custom     WordPress themes right from the dashboard. It also hooks up to your site     directly, so that you can purchase and install those themes all from the     Bluehost interface. This can be a huge timesaver.
Email & Office.     Bluehost gives you an option to integrate your site with hosted email via     Google Workspace and Microsoft 365. This is where you can enable     everything.
Domains.     This is where you can manage your website domain(s) and purchase new ones.
Marketing Tools.     This section is all about making it easier to integrate your site with     popular marketing channels such as Google Ads, Google My Business, and     others.
Advanced.     Go here if you want to access cPanel (if this doesn’t sound like English,     then Advanced is probably not a section for you).
Let’s look into what’s possible when managing your site, since that’s what most of us will want to do.
When you go to My Sites and select your site from the list, you’ll see the following panel:
This is a nice view of your site’s status all in one place. From here, you can access the themes you have installed, your plugins, and even oversee your marketing promotions, backups, user accounts, security, and more.
What’s great here is that everything is presented nicely, and you’re spared all the server lingo. You don’t have to be a pro to know what’s going on.
And I remind you that we are dealing here with basic, entry-level hosting setup that did cost a mere $2.95/mo. So…impressive.
Bluehost performance and load times 📈
Okay, so we know that Bluehost is cheap. But is it fast? There has to be a trade-off somewhere, right? Is it performance?
Let’s find out:
We did a very simple test. We set up a site using Bluehost’s tools, published some dummy content on it, added images, picked a theme and configured it, and basically made the site look real.
Then, we also added a couple of plugins for good measure, like WPForms, Yoast SEO, Jetpack, and a couple more.
I have to give it to Bluehost…considering this is budget hosting, the results are more than impressive!
Going below one sec for US traffic is pretty much all you can ask for with any hosting platform – even the more expensive ones.
Bluehost hosting review: customer support 🚑
Bluehost offers 24/7 phone and live chat support. Apart from that, there’s also a knowledge base where you can find tutorials and answers to the most common questions people have about Bluehost’s platform.
You can access the support chat from the main contact page on Bluehost’s site.
Bluehost asks a couple of questions to identify you as a customer, and then gets you through to a support agent.
From our experience when writing this Bluehost hosting review, a support agent got to us pretty much immediately after starting the chat.
The interaction was positive, the agent offered advice and was willing to help. However, we seem to had hit a wall in terms of what they’re actually authorized to do.
Granted, I did ask him to do a fairly specific thing.
Pros and cons of Bluehost hosting 👍👎
Before we give you our final rating in this Bluehost hosting review, let’s look at a quick list of pros and cons.
Pros 👍
The entry price is more than affordable ($2.95/mo).
They give you a free domain for the first year.
The setup is really easy to do, especially if you want     to use WordPress.
The user interface is great, making it easy to do     simple modifications and/or maintenance tasks.
The load times are really impressive, managing to go     below the one-second mark.
The support is quick to respond.
Cons 👎
The renewal prices are much higher than the entry-level     ones. That’s why you’re better off going for the max-term contract right     out the gate.
While you can set up hosted email on the platform, it’s     a bit hidden. You have to go to the cPanel view and set everything up     there by hand.
The reviews on the web are mixed. Some users seem to be     having issues with their setups. However, many of those reviews are from a     while back.
Bluehost hosting review conclusion: Why use it over another host 💪
At the end of the day, Bluehost looks like a great solution for the budget-minded person who wants to launch a new site as quickly as possible and also fairly cheaply.
Bluehost has all the basic hosting features you might expect, and the performance isn’t lacking in any way either.
Granted, the tests we did haven’t been carried out over a long period of time, so you’re mileage may vary, but the early indicators are certainly more than positive!
👉 Go to Bluehost
⚡ Pro tip: If you’re looking for a host to take care of all your new website ideas in one place, consider the $5.45/mo plan at Bluehost. It’s the first hosting tier that Bluehost offers that allows unlimited websites.
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dsignk · 3 years
Text
Bluehost Hosting  It Is Cheap, But Is It Good?
What is Bluehost and what type of hosting it offers? 🤔
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Over the years, Bluehost has grown to be one of the most popular hosting companies out there, especially for WordPress sites.
Just glancing at their homepage and all the different products that Bluehost offers tells you a lot about why it’s won so many users over. First off, Bluehost has numerous different hosting products in their portfolio – not just simple website hosting.
Second, their prices are really, really affordable. Plus, you also get a handful of bonuses thrown in for free. This makes your overall cost of launching a site much lower vs what you’d have to pay with the competition.
But let’s start at the beginning. Here are the different types of hosting that Bluehost has in store, including one that is likely going to be the pick for most users.
Let’s divide the list into a couple of categories:
Entry-level web hosting
This is the budget solution in Bluehost’s portfolio of web hosting. These plans are usually chosen by users who are new to the concept of owning a website and needing web hosting to make it happen.
Bluehost has two main offerings that fall under entry-level hosting:
Shared web hosting
Basic WordPress hosting
While it may seem like the latter is better if you want to use WordPress as your website engine, in reality, both are the same product. From what I’ve seen, this is simply a different marketing framing, but the elements on the inside are the same.
Managed WordPress hosting
The basic WordPress hosting plans mentioned above are just that – basic. However, Bluehost also offers a more advanced package called Managed WordPress.
Compared to the basic offering, the managed variety takes care of all the technical aspects of the hosting setup and WordPress maintenance for you.
In other words, when you’re on managed WordPress hosting, you don’t have to worry about anything related to keeping your site operational. Instead, you can just focus on creating content and promoting your site.
Managed plans also give you more power under the hood 💪, which is important for sites with an established position in the market that receive more traffic.
Bluehost also has a tailor-made offering for WordPress websites running WooCommerce – for eCommerce stores. Those plans come with some WooCommerce-specific elements pre-installed (WooCommerce itself, an optimized theme, payment processing tools, security, extras).
If you’re looking for a host because you are indeed going to be launching a WooCommerce store, this is probably the solution for you.
Professional hosting
The last tier of Bluehost hosting is what we can call professional-level hosting. Two main products here:
VPS hosting
Dedicated servers
The former is a very interesting concept that’s built around hosting virtualization. VPS stands for virtual private server. What you’re actually getting here is access to a web hosting setup that runs as a virtual machine on a bigger, physical server. It’s a setup beneficial when building web apps or other types of web-based products that are not necessarily standard websites.
If you do indeed need a whole physical machine at your disposal, that’s what dedicated servers are for. This type of web hosting is usually the most expensive and powerful hosting option available with most companies.
Bluehost hosting review: features and pricing ⚙️💸
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As you read above, Bluehost has many different hosting plans and tiers available, and each of them delivers a slightly different set of features.
For the purpose of this Bluehost hosting review, we’ll look at the entry-level plan called Basic Web Hosting.
It’s the most budget-friendly solution in the lineup and, for that reason, also the most popular one among customers.
Here’s a snapshot of the pricing page at the time of writing:
As you can see, Bluehost has a very affordable offering that starts at just $2.95/mo. However, the first thing you must know about this price is that you have to sign up for a three-year contract in order to get it. It is also paid upfront, which means that you do have to shell out $106.20 on day one.
There are options to begin with shorter contracts, but the prices grow with those a bit. Here’s the full picture:
36 months: Basic $2.95/mo, Plus and Choice Plus $5.45/mo, Pro $13.95/mo
24 months: Basic $3.95/mo, Plus and Choice Plus $6.95/mo, Pro $15.95/mo
12 months: Basic $4.95/mo, Plus and Choice Plus $7.45/mo, Pro $18.95/mo
Bluehost doesn’t offer month-to-month payment options
Okay, but what do you get for these prices?
Overall, Bluehost focuses on delivering two things:
the basic set of features and server capabilities that most users will need,
making those features easy to use and accessible.
All the entry-level plans are very similar on paper, but there are a couple of fine differences.
First of all, none is “more powerful” than the other. Speaking in terms of computing power and the “scale of website,” they can all handle the same load. The differences are mainly in the size of website and number of websites you’re allowed to run.
On the Basic plan, you are allowed only one website. Your disk space is also limited to 50 GB.
All the other plans let you run unlimited websites and consume unlimited disk space while doing so.
This is great because what it means in practice is that if you want to build 2+ websites, Bluehost will only charge you $5.45/mo for that.
Here’s what else you get.
The Basic plan:
24/7 customer support via phone and chat (more on the quality of that later in this Bluehost hosting review),
access to custom themes from within the Bluehost panel,
a free domain name for the first year(!) plus access to a domain manager,
email hosting – albeit it’s kind of hidden in the panel,
a $100 Google Ads credit and Google My Business integration,
free CDN integration – a “content delivery network” hook-up means that your website’s data is served from multiple servers across the web instead of just one machine; this improves your site speed a lot,
free SSL certificates.
The Choice plan throws in a free Office 365 subscription for one month. The Choice Plus gives you additional access to free domain privacy (so that no one can check your personal data associated with the domain name) and free automatic backups. Lastly, the Pro plan offers an additional dedicated IP address (important when building web apps/tools, not so much for standard websites).
Overall, there really is nothing here that’s missing. Bluehost has put some real thought behind what the essential web hosting features are and then put them all together in this offering.
The free domain is a huge deal in particular! You’d usually have to pay around $15 for a new domain name registration. While it’s not a lot, it still adds up to your overall website launch bill. The fact that Bluehost throws that in for free is great.
⚠️ Note. Mind the renewal prices. Bluehost, like most hosting companies, will charge you a different amount when first signing up for their service vs renewing after a while. Those renewal prices are higher. Take a look at that pricing screenshot above one more time. See the crossed off price below the main price? That’s the renewal price – it’s what you’re going to pay after your initial contract is up.
Bluehost hosting review: ease of use 👐
Bluehost does a lot to make the signup and website launch process as smooth as possible. They realize that whoever’s choosing the entry-level plan probably doesn’t have a lot of experience with web hosting. Bluehost tries to make it possible for that user to configure everything on their own without outside help. All within the Bluehost hosting interface.
Once you get through the purchase process on Bluehost’s website and finalize everything, you’ll be invited to your new user profile page.
Right away, Bluehost will ask you how you want to go about building your website and if you want to have WordPress installed on your setup. They will even ask you whether you want to work on your site in the classic model (by picking a theme and modifying it) or use Bluehost’s new builder interface.
I went with the first option since it’s more common for WordPress users to do so.
Next, right in the main dashboard, you get a couple of suggestions as to what you should do to make your site better:
You can log into your WordPress site directly from the dashboard as well – just click the Log in to WordPress button in the top right corner.
My Sites. Since you can have more than one site on most Bluehost hosting plans, this is where you can see them all.
Marketplace. Bluehost makes it easy to integrate your site with other third-party tools, add-ons, and also upgrade your hosting tier if needed. This section is where you can purchase and install those integrations with a couple of clicks.
WordPress themes and plugins. This is a subsection under Marketplace, but I feel I should highlight it here. Bluehost gives you access to custom WordPress themes right from the dashboard. It also hooks up to your site directly, so that you can purchase and install those themes all from the Bluehost interface. This can be a huge timesaver.
Email & Office. Bluehost gives you an option to integrate your site with hosted email via Google Workspace and Microsoft 365. This is where you can enable everything.
Domains. This is where you can manage your website domain(s) and purchase new ones.
Marketing Tools. This section is all about making it easier to integrate your site with popular marketing channels such as Google Ads, Google My Business, and others.
Advanced. Go here if you want to access cPanel (if this doesn’t sound like English, then Advanced is probably not a section for you).
Let’s look into what’s possible when managing your site, since that’s what most of us will want to do.
When you go to My Sites and select your site from the list, you’ll see the following panel:
This is a nice view of your site’s status all in one place. From here, you can access the themes you have installed, your plugins, and even oversee your marketing promotions, backups, user accounts, security, and more.
What’s great here is that everything is presented nicely, and you’re spared all the server lingo. You don’t have to be a pro to know what’s going on.
And I remind you that we are dealing here with basic, entry-level hosting setup that did cost a mere $2.95/mo. So…impressive.
Bluehost performance and load times 📈
Okay, so we know that Bluehost is cheap. But is it fast? There has to be a trade-off somewhere, right? Is it performance?
Let’s find out:
We did a very simple test. We set up a site using Bluehost’s tools, published some dummy content on it, added images, picked a theme and configured it, and basically made the site look real.
Then, we also added a couple of plugins for good measure, like WPForms, Yoast SEO, Jetpack, and a couple more.
Below are the results of the tests – done from several locations:
Bluehost hosting review: PERFORMANCE
I have to give it to Bluehost…considering this is budget hosting, the results are more than impressive!
Going below one sec for US traffic is pretty much all you can ask for with any hosting platform – even the more expensive ones.
Bluehost hosting review: customer support 🚑
Bluehost offers 24/7 phone and live chat support. Apart from that, there’s also a knowledge base where you can find tutorials and answers to the most common questions people have about Bluehost’s platform.
You can access the support chat from the main contact page on Bluehost’s site.
Bluehost asks a couple of questions to identify you as a customer, and then gets you through to a support agent.
From our experience when writing this Bluehost hosting review, a support agent got to us pretty much immediately after starting the chat.
The interaction was positive, the agent offered advice and was willing to help. However, we seem to had hit a wall in terms of what they’re actually authorized to do.
Granted, I did ask him to do a fairly specific thing.
Pros and cons of Bluehost hosting 👍👎
Before we give you our final rating in this Bluehost hosting review, let’s look at a quick list of pros and cons.
Pros 👍
The entry price is more than affordable ($2.95/mo).
They give you a free domain for the first year.
The setup is really easy to do, especially if you want to use WordPress.
The user interface is great, making it easy to do simple modifications and/or maintenance tasks.
The load times are really impressive, managing to go below the one-second mark.
The support is quick to respond.
Cons 👎
The renewal prices are much higher than the entry-level ones. That’s why you’re better off going for the max-term contract right out the gate.
While you can set up hosted email on the platform, it’s a bit hidden. You have to go to the cPanel view and set everything up there by hand.
The reviews on the web are mixed. Some users seem to be having issues with their setups. However, many of those reviews are from a while back.
Bluehost hosting review conclusion: Why use it over another host 💪
At the end of the day, Bluehost looks like a great solution for the budget-minded person who wants to launch a new site as quickly as possible and also fairly cheaply.
Bluehost has all the basic hosting features you might expect, and the performance isn’t lacking in any way either.
Granted, the tests we did haven’t been carried out over a long period of time, so you’re mileage may vary, but the early indicators are certainly more than positive!
1 note · View note
allisonallura · 4 years
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A Mystic Message.
Did I really just write a whole one shot about the game going down today? Yes. Yes I did. While I was reading over the facts of the game, a thought occurred to me, what if the game was down because someone, was trying to reach out to you?
The male character is just referred to as "Him" so that you may fill it with whatever character you desire! (Sorry Jaehee stans)
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It had happened again. You had tried to log into the messenger only to find that it wouldn’t let you in, The beginning menu would appear before you to give you fact after fact, you were sure that by the end of this you would know everything about these characters.
Yoosung Attends SKY University
The name of Jumin Han’s cat is Elizabeth the 3rd
Assistant Kang has been working with Jumin Han for 2 years
This game runs in real time.
Gama Data Download Checking for Updates…
You were currently lying on your couch upside down out of pure boredom, and considering you were still in quarantine, you didn’t have much else to do. Your eyes watch the spinning envelope mock you as your eyes narrow at the screen. Whatever was happening with the servers, you hoped it was fixed soon. You had already missed three chat rooms and was in the middle of your route. Now was not the time to be missing chat rooms and messages.
You sighed softly to yourself as you sat up, setting your phone down beside your thigh as you thought this over. Maybe you were a little too obsessed with this game, You were obsessed with a 2D man for crying out loud. But was it really your fault real men didn’t meet your standards? No.
Maybe it was because you could relate to these characters. Each of them were broken in their own way, most of them had rough pasts, Some have been through more than others, but that’s what makes each one unique and loving... But him.. He hits way too close to home. You could feel every emotion he showed you, his joy, his sadness, his pain. It had always felt like you were talking to a real human and not just a bunch of 1’s and 0’s thrown together to make a fantasy. As if those eyes.. Were looking at the real you. You made emotional connections with all of them, you laughed with them, you cried with them. Only now did you notice you had just been sitting here, lost in your own thoughts.
As you stood from the couch, you headed into the kitchen, if the server was going to be down for a while, you might as well get something to eat right? Then the next time they ask you don’t have to lie just to get the subject dropped. Preparing a sandwich you sat at the counter, eating your quickly made meal until you heard the beep. The beep to inform you that you had received a text message in the game, was it back up? Furrowing your eyebrows lightly, you stood to retrieve your phone.
Walking over to the couch you lifted your phone, Your lock screen was of course, him. Unlocking it your homepage lit up before you, which was also him. Opening the app that was located in your hot bar, you waited patiently for the main screen to load.
Your eyes watched the spinning envelope for two minutes before you became confused, but you had just gotten a text notification from the game? So how was it not working? Tilting your head softly you shrugged before shaking your head, ready to lock your phone until the same ding came through.
This wasn’t a text from the game.. This was.. A text from your actual phone? But.. that wasn’t your notification sound? Opening your message app, You grew more confused as you saw it, there, two unread messages from an unknown number. Opening the messages you read over them.
Unknown: Hello? Unknown: Is this working?
The messages read. This seemed all too familiar to you, you hesitated to answer. Your thoughts raced for what felt like the millionth time today as your eyes scanned the screen, something inside of you calling to answer the messages. It couldn’t be anything bad.. Right?
MC: Yes… it’s working.. MC: Who are you?
Unknown: MC? Is it you?
Your eyes widened, they.. They knew your name. How did they know your name? Your brain trying to come up with any possible explanation for this. Perhaps it was just an old friend and you had lost their number? That did seem to happen quite often since you moved to Korea.. Your American friends would attempt to contact you only for them to come up as Unknown. Nodding softly, you decided to keep the conversation rolling.
MC: Yes, it’s me. MC: But who are you?
Unknown: It’s me.. [Your Favorite]
Your breath hitched, now you knew someone had to be messing with you. But even if it was just someone pulling a prank, how did they know who your favorite was? Perhaps just a lucky guess? Or.. was someone watching you as you played? Did you have a stalker? You grew nervous at the thought, looking back to the screen, ready to call them out on it.
MC: Yeah.. nice try. MC: Come on.. You can tell me your name. Nice prank though.
Unknown: MC.. It’s not a prank. Unknown: It’s me.
You rolled your eyes, they seemed pretty persistent with this prank. However, there was still one way to end this rather quickly.
MC: Sure… if you say so. MC: I’m going to call you okay? MC: You can prove it to me there.
Unknown: Very well.
For some reason, you felt even more nervous. Hitting the “contact information” you saw the number, hitting the phone symbol beside it as you held the phone up to your ear. It was ringing.. You couldn’t believe you were calling a complete stranger over some silly prank. But hey.. You might make a friend out of this. Shrugging once more at the thought as the ringing continued.
Less than a minute later, whoever this number belonged to had answered. An uncomfortable silence rested between you both, neither of you seeming willing enough to speak first. You were prepared to hang up when a voice came through.
“Hello, MC.” That voice.. You could recognize this voice anywhere.. That was his voice. All of your senses seemed to stop in that moment, you couldn’t register his voice continuing until his voice held concern as he spoke your name once more.
“I’m sorry.” You replied softly, your voice just above a whisper. There’s no way this could be real, there’s no way he could be real. He was just a character to a game, that was all. “This.. this can’t be real. Your voice changer is very convincing I have to say, it must have been expensive, But.. I think I’ll be going now.”
“No wait!” His voice pleaded for you to remain on the line, but quite honestly, you were a mess of emotions in this moment. You were confused, scared, but also hopeful in a sense. A small part of you wishing it could have been him.. But it was clearly impossible.
“Please, MC. It is me.. And I can prove it.” Your silence was all he needed to continue, he began to tell you every detail of your game experience. The moments you laughed, the moments you cried, How sometimes you would look at the screen with pure adoration in your eyes for him and the others. He kept going until he knew you now believed it was the real him, then he grew silent once more.
“But.. how.. H-how are you able to be on the phone with me like this?” Your voice seemed fragile, you couldn’t believe this was really happening, even though he had given you all the proof you needed. “And of all the people who play.. Why me?” You questioned lightly.
He simply chuckled. “Darling, with the right connections and you can do anything in this world.” You could feel his smile, it was so bright and warm. “I picked you because you’re the one for me MC. It’s as simple as that. You’ve played my route time and time again and everytime you show different emotions, surprising even me… No one else who has played has ever looked at me the way you do. You truly care for me and don’t see me as just some 2D man you can get over so quickly… even if in reality that’s all I am.”
You were speechless at this point. You felt as if the sun itself was shining down on you. “You’re so much more than that… I connected to you because.. I saw a lot of myself in you. You’re so important and kind.. Even after everything you’ve been through. You deserve so much more than what you’re given..”
You heard a soft sob on the other side of the line. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I wish there was something more I could do to be with you.. Maybe one day we’ll find a way to physically be together.”
You huffed softly at that, though.. If he can call through dimensions, who’s to say he can’t build a portal or something. “Maybe one day..” You smiled to yourself. “Though if we do manage to do that.. I think I'll come to you. You’re needed there whereas me here..”
“MC.” He stopped you before you could speak anymore. “You’re needed no matter where you are, even if you don’t believe so. You have people who love you, though if you wish to come here that is something I can’t change your mind on.. But we’ll worry about that when we come to it. For now, I must be going.. The signal will be getting weaker soon.” His voice sounded disappointed. “I’m sorry I stopped the app to do this.”
You laughed softly. “I think my app freezing was well worth this surprise.. I’ll be playing your route again though.. So don’t worry about it too much.” Your smile grew brighter as you said this, now know that when you played, it was *actually* him you were responding to.
He huffed in amusement. “Promise no bad endings?” His voice took a light playful tone as you heard the line begin to go fuzzy. “I promise.” You spoke with ease, not even needs to think twice about it, you had never gotten one of his bad endings, and now you didn’t plan to, even if it meant you would never completely finish the game, his happiness is worth it.
“I love you, MC.” He spoke suddenly, you felt a bright blush form on your cheeks as he spoke those words you had read over and over in his route. But actually hearing them.. This was something completely different.
“I love you too.” You spoke, your voice as soft as silk before the line went dead. Though you were sad the call had ended so suddenly, you were more happy that it had happened. The missing piece of you was now complete..
Quickly wasting no time, you got back on the messenger to see that it was working properly once more. Your progress for his route continues as the familiar text sound beeped from your phone. You have received a text from him. Figuring it would be one of the basic ones you saw everyday you clicked on it. Though your eyes widened as you read over the text.
“One day we’ll be together.. I promise. I love you, MC.”
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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story! I'm sorry it wasn't as good as my other pieces but this one wasn't really planned and I was just kinda going with the flow.
But still! feedback is appreciated! Thank you :heart: Word Count: 1,882
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24012616
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