#Oh also please note that I don't think the metaphor of this being a trans narrative for Neo is meant to encompass all experiences or even

[not-poignant]

I admit I was trawling for some easy smut to read and got Underline the Black. Usually I back out when the story doesn't go how I expect and instead I've binged the whole thing in six hours and find myself painfully relating to Efni's gender and sexual trauma.

I don't know how to describe it but I'm AFAB and grew up Christian with all these expectations and secular ones and I was so scared I rejected everything and tried to be this person I thought I had to be. And I've done that over and over and I'm thirty now and I think I'm finally coming to terms with my place in gender and sex and all that.

It's still a long journey and idk I know a lot of trans people get squicked by ABO stuff and it's based off bunk wolf science but. Idk. This is the most I've ever felt seen I think. So thanks.

Hi hi,

I really love omegaverse, you might be surprised how many trans people are writing it on AO3 - trust me when I say it's a lot of us. :)

A lot of the reasons trans folk can find omegaverse squicky is actually a lot of the same reasons why trans folk can find it cathartic or interesting or crave reading it. Everyone's reasons for ending up in omegaverse are different, because it's really just a huge umbrella term for like, countless different genres, tropes, levels of worldbuilding, sex, and types of story.

I don't really mind that it's based off debunked science, hell, I've even written a logical explanation for that in my Perth Shifters series lol. There's a lot of science we have today that was initially based off of bad science, that scientists then went 'oh yeah, that's not great, but we might keep the terminology anyway, because everyone's using it.' So that works out just fine. It's not like all of our science in reality started off in the best places, some started off in pure medieval spaces and then just kind of...grew up over time.

I apologise for the lack of easy smut though in Underline the Black! I have a lot more of erotica / smut in my other works, like Spoils of the Spoiled or Game Theory, so far we're still a while away from anything more than the handjob that's coming up in a couple of chapters re: Efnisien and Gary, that's definitely a slowburn! :D

(You might like Underline the Red though, which has some alpha/beta smut instead!)

And yeah, gender stuff is so hard. I'm glad you're coming to a place that feels right or is starting to feel right re: gender. I know I started that journey for myself in my early 30s and now that I'm in my early 40s it's only really started to settle into place. This stuff can be rough, especially when you're raised in repressed and oppressive and harmful societies.

Being able to explore gender stuff in Underline the Black has been a lot of fun for me. I much prefer doing it this way, than doing it with the genders we already have irl, tbh, because it lets me detach a little, but it also means that the omegaverse genders can become metaphorical for a lot of different issues, and I enjoy the power of something that can work in a few different ways. :D

(Also just a note, in the future can you please write it as a/b/o or just say omegaverse, because otherwise you're just writing a horrible slur towards Aboriginal Australians and we're generally trying to avoid that. Appreciate it going forward thank you! :) ).

#asks and answers #underline the black #underline the rainbow #efnisien's gender journey is interesting to me because i think he'll end up #in a nonbinary alpha space #but i also don't know for sure it will just depend on where he goes with it #i've loved being able to write temsen talk to him about it with so much acceptance though #i feel like many of us could really use a temsen doctor sometimes sdlkfjas #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

[thoughtfulfangirling]

I just rewatched the Matrix recently, and of course there’s so much metaphor and symbolism in the movie that each re-watch, it’s fun to overthink everything. I’ve already had a couple of viewings in which I’ve focused on how Neo’s story is a trans narrative and how him ‘being the one’ in many ways is about him discovering himself. It’s a narrative that I think easily stood up before the Wachowskis confirmed it, but obviously is generally easier to spot and analyze with their confirmation.

This time however, I found myself focusing more on Trinity and the romance plot. Let me first just make a disclaimer that this is me reading super into the movie and that I know that in a surface reading, none of this stands up. But if we say... go down the rabbit hole a little of what these themes in the movie could be... well, I obviously feel there's some grounding for it.

In many ways, the romance in this movie is fairly traditional, but in other ways... it's just not. Neo never pursues Trinity in any way. In fact, he generally seems completely oblivious to the possibility that Trinity could be interested in him. Contrast that to Cypher, who feels entitled to Trinity, I think it's worth noting how there's an implication that at some point, he thought he could be The One. He clearly also knew what the Oracle told Trinity about her relationship to the one. And yet while he pines, there's this feeling that he is acutely aware that it's impossible that she would never be interested in him.  

Not only though does Neo seem almost to imagine Trinity could never be interested in him and Cypher has a resentful belief that she would never be interested in him, even Trinity acts arguably strange about the whole thing herself. There's an air to her reaction to the concept of 'The One' and her prophecy that while she wants it to be true and believes so much in Morpheus she will, it seems truly impossible to her. She holds it close to her chest and struggles so much with accepting how she feels, that there just feels like there's more going on under the surface. And with the narrative of knowing that Neo can stand in as a metaphor for a trans woman, I couldn't help but read in this viewing that Trinity is a lesbian. She's a lesbian who was told by the oracle that The One would be the man she falls in love with. The Oracle names things as they are in the moment, telling Neo he's not the one. So it makes sense when she saw Trinity that she would refer to him as he sees himself in that moment. But if being The One is also the story of him coming into realizing trans-ness, then it's no longer so strange that a lesbian would fall in love with The One.

Neo discovering himself as The One is the culmination of many things. The battles to get Morpheus back, to fight the agents, but also even Morpheus saying to Neo after he gets rescued, "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path" is a reiteration of the Oracle's statement that he has it in him to be The One, but it seemed he was waiting for something. He has to choose to embrace it, to live it, and he starts down that path at least by the time he faces Agent Smith in the subway tunnel, declares his name is Neo.

But if we imagine for a moment that Neo was aware that Trinity was a lesbian (she strikes me as the type who wouldn't hide it) or even assumed as much, it would make sense he might just assume that like gravity keeps one grounded, her romantic disinterest in him was obvious. But the moment she whispers to him that he has to live because she loves him, one might see how validating, how solidifying, that could be. How he could start a new life. 

I think it was the scene where Cypher had her on the phone, revealing his betrayal, that the headcanon solidified. She cares so deeply for these people, and the actor so well manages to convey her despair as her friends begin dying, but she remains so steady and calm on the phone. She has this steel in her and an unwillingness to let Cypher see how much he's breaking her. And he takes a new tact. He taunts her about the prophecy, seeming to mock her for this destined love. It almost seems to say 'do you really even know yourself?' He's questioning her very sense of self because he wants to hurt her for not making herself accessible to him. He wants to punish her for making room for Neo and not him.

(*The spouse pointed out after watching that it struck him in this scene how Cypher is literally on top of Trinity, speaking to her, looking at her, making her his entire focus, whereas to Trinity, Cypher is just a voice on the other end of the phone. To Cypher Trinity takes up so much space, but it's the opposite for Trinity. Just a neat observation. )

In less tangible ways too, there's something about the way Trinity is played and filmed that felt queer coded. That could just be that it was written and directed by queer people though I admit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

To be fair, I will also admit here that I was happy to look for something that made the romance plot more palatable. To be fair to the movie, I do think it's done in a way that feels fairly organic to the plot, like it's saying something. But on the surface, it can feel pretty par for the course cinematically. So I found it enriching to go looking for a way that the romance would be saying something bigger than what other movies use it for, that further added to the metaphor, and this is how I parsed it for myself to make that work, and I felt like sharing in case anyone else would find it enriching too. Okay mostly to explore these thoughts more fully, but hey, if someone else finds this heightens their enjoyment, then hell yeah.

Thinky thoughts

#headcanons #I have a feeling this isn't particularly new #but it is to me! So I'm writing about it #Also Utena spoiler here but -- definitely I felt prepped to read into Trinity this sort of dynamic after seeing people's headcanons #that Nanami is a lesbian who had *feelings* for Utena that made her uncomfortable and lash out be misdirected in her affections #It's far from a one to one but media literacy often feels like an exercise in connections made in other things #But yeah this movie is so fun to overthink #Oh also please note that I don't think the metaphor of this being a trans narrative for Neo is meant to encompass all experiences or even #the most common #And my interpretation of how this played out to validate that journey wouldn't be the same for everyone but has been for some #lesbian!trinity #trans!neo #thinky thoughts #the matrix #trinity

[wintersuggestion]

Hello, I just wanted to explain the post I made, because I think you took it a different way from what I meant. I didn't mean let people be mean to you, but if someone doesn't understand, don't let it bother you. I often forget how hard it is to control emotions, but it's a lot of energy to be angry at someone who doesn't care, or wants you to be mad. Also, while I didn't specifically say, I was mostly referring to online interactions. Sorry if it offended you in any way.

Please don’t say “sorry if it offended” me.  saying ‘sorry I was hurt’ is not an apology-  if you want to apologize then you admit to your mistake & try to fix it / repair the damage

“don’t let it bother you”  oh yes, I forgot I was neurotypical and have complete / total control over all my emotions 24/7.  Thank you for reminding me, Karen.  I’ll just a mental note to get over it

Now, I do apologize if I have misunderstood the words you said.  I struggle with disorganized thoughts as well as a variety of other symptoms due to my being Mentally Ill™ and sometimes I do misunderstand things as a result (I mean this as an explanation, not a justification).

now, here’s what your post said:

Don’t get mad at people that don’t respect you, your pronouns, or anything you use to describe. You don’t have to make them understand anything, because they probably won’t understand anything. If they are only verbally offending you, so what? Just ignore them. If you fight fire with fire the flames will right. If you feed the fire the flames will rise. It’s best to isolate the fire, and let it go out on it’s own.

“Don’t get mad at people that don’t respect you, your pronouns, or anything you use to describe”???  wtf is this supposed to mean?  I’m a trans guy who is misgendered every fucking day. I’m told my name & pronouns are inconvenient. If I were to list every bit of transphobia I’ve seen I could write you a series of books & they wouldn’t be long enough

“You don’t have to make them understand anything, because they probably won’t understand anything.”Well I’m sorry for trying to teach other people?  For trying to get them to understand because even if they’re not important to me or I am aware that they have an effect on other people- that I don’t want other people to be hurt the same ways I have(also- note how I was using “sorry” passive aggressively there. I learned that from you)

“If they are only verbally offending you, so what? Just ignore them.”Oh yes,  years of emotional abuse gone.  Doesn’t matter if what they’ve said are the same things my abusers have- doesn’t matter if they’re ‘just being mean’ in your eyes.  I’m overreacting, right?  I’m sorry that your words hurt me.  I’m sorry that’s inconvenient to you.

“If you fight fire with fire the flames will right.”My defending myself / being angry at people who’ve hurt me does not make me as bad as them.  It does not mean I deserved it.

“If you feed the fire the flames will rise.”Funny you say that because not only is this a popular term for silencing people (don’t fight fire with fire)  and I’ve been silenced about my abuse my entire life (because talking about it makes people uncomfortable & I should just suck it up / get over it / don’t let it bother me, right?)  but when you’re silent about a problem it only gets worse because it doesn’t let the other person know there is a problem-  it only lets them think it’s ok to continue

“It’s best to isolate the fire, and then let it go out on its own.”yeah, I’ll get back to you on that when it works

What you’re trying to tell me now is that you meant something along the lines of ‘don’t get angry at the kid who won’t stop poking you no matter how much you ask them to stop- they’re just trying to make you angry’  right?  Or maybe I shouldn’t be annoyed by that metaphorical kid who puts his hand in my personal space & won’t stop droning “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you”?

well, guess what-  having my personal space invaded (whether it be online or irl) is not a fun experience. If I want them to stop I will tell them to stop. If someone is hurting me I will make that known.  People deserve to have their boundaries respected and they deserve to stand up for themselves.If you had said that you personally try not to get angry at these things because you don’t want others to get a rise out of you, that’d be perfectly understandable-  but what you instead did was say that other people should not get angry, as if you understand what every single person on the planet feels / can control / goes through / etc.  You don’t.  Some people can’t control it. Some people don’t have the emotional capacity or perhaps maybe these happenings that are so small to you have a different effect on other people because of their different backgrounds.  That maybe they have other things going on in their life and that this one instance you’ve observed is not the entirety of it because every single person lives highly complex & full lives that no one other person will ever have the ability to fully grasp.

Ranting aside, if you want to apologize I will accept it- but only if it’s on the condition that you don’t try to silence other people / invalidate their experiences because they seem so small to you from the fraction you’ve witnessed.People deserve compassion and to be listened to.  If they’re hurting there is a reason why.  They deserve to have that acknowledged.

If you’re gonna keep telling people to “just ignore it” / not be hurt / get over it then I’m just going to block you & that’ll be the end of the story.  I don’t wish to interact with such people.  (you can also block me too of course-  I understand if you don’t want to interact with people of opposing opinions).

I have to leave for work now, but I wish you a good day, good luck, & that maybe some good will come out of this.

#answered #long post #text heavy #needy-suggestion