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#OUTING MYSELF AS DESTIEL INDIFFERENT HERE! I KNOW!
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With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.
It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)
It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.
And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.
Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."
And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?
I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.
Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.
That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.
But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.
I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"
Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)
Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.
Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.
I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.
I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.
My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.
You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.
You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.
Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.
But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.
Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.
Sometimes it's because they ship something else.
And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.
And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)
Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.
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casmybelovedass · 4 years
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The Destiel Folder: Season 7
[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6]
This season is mostly Dean being a depressed bi who can't cope with his crush's death.
This is, in my opinion, the season where Dean actually starts realizing he might for real think of Cas as something more.
Episode 1:
Cas is basically gone, both Bobby and Sam (almost) are ready to compel to whatever he says, but Dean still tries to get him to come back. "You can turn this around. Please!" (3:13) Denial
Dean has no idea how to deal with God!Castiel, but desperate to find him, and getting emotional "I don't even know what book to hit for this." "Then figure it out!" (5:47) Anger
As we have said many times already, angels don't have a sex, Castiel is not a man, and as he states, he is "utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (8:03), and so is Chuck, God himself, who has admitted having had both girlfriends and boyfriends.
Dean turns off the news the moment he hears a woman describe Cas as "young and sexy", while doing that jaw clentch thing of his (10:14) ... huh... [and this doesn't really matter, but after this we immediately see Dean in a purple flannel. PURPLE! Go Bi!Dean]
"He's not a guy, he's a God [...] Cas is never coming back. He's lied to us, he's used us, he's cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We've spent enough on him." (11:09) Dean trying to jump to the 5th stage of grief. Yeah, no baby that's not how it works
Dean tries so hard to convince himself that Cas's gone so he can kill him, but can't really. "Just kill him now!" and struggles hard to hold Castiel's glare. And as soon as Death offers a second option to killing him, Dean takes it. Bargening
"Dean, look, I know you think Cas is gone." "That's because he is." (31:22) Again with trying to jump to acceptance. Not doing great, Dean. In fact, "Yeah, you know how I'm gonna deal? I'm gonna stuff my pie hole, I'm gonna drink, and I'm gonna watch some asian cartoon porn. And act like the world's about to explode, because it is." (32:17) There it is. Depression.
[Remember this: Dean has no shame in watching porn in front of his brother. Wait a few seasons and see]
Just moments earlier, Dean was all "That's not Cas, Cas is dead" and shit, and now he goes "What? You need something else?" worried-husband-mode the moment Cas asks for help (34:50). Also#MARRIED (35:16)
Bobby: "Where's Sam? It's go time." Dean: *looks back at Cas worried* (37:12)
MUST HELP HUSBAND (38:06) look at Dean's eyes!!! They're like 'It's okay, it's okay. You've got this.' "I'm sorry, Dean." Cas chose these words to be his last, thinking he was going to die. LOOK AT DEAN (38:21) ICWAW this would MEAN SOMETHING ELSE
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"CAS! [...] Is he breathing? ... Maybe angels don't need to breathe." says the one who was going around saying Cas was gone for good. "He's gone, Dean." "... damn it... *tears up* Cas, you child... Why didn't you listen to me." #MARRIED (39:15) Then he goes "CAS?!" as soon as he starts breathing again. ICWAW, we would SCREAM "LOVE" in this scene
"Imma find some way to redeem myself to you *looks at Dean straight in the eyes*" "*looks at Cas up and down*... Alright, well, one thing at the time, come on. Let's get you out of here." "I mean it, Dean." *eye love-making* "... Okay." (40:30) ICWAW, oooohhh, the meanings this scene would have...
Dean's face when the Leviathans tell him Cas is dead. Again. (41:18)
Episode 2:
Dean looking at the Leviathans occupying Cas' body. The HATE (1:44)
"... okay... so he's gone. *shakes while tearing up* [...] Dumb son of a bitch..." (5:14) Here we go again... I'm fine, shut up
Dean picks up, washes, folds and keeps Cas' coat (5:23) SWEET
"You just lost one of the best friends you've ever had." this hurts me. "... I'm fine, really." (12:11)
"You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good." (38:54)
Episode 5:
Dean progressively drinks more as his nightmares get worse and he misses Cas more and more. 3 times we see him drink, only in the first 12 minutes.
Sam can tell Dean feels like shit, and bet one of those reasons is Cas "Like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about, it doesn't just go away. It builds up." (39:33) Yeah, and not only problems or grief... even love
Episode 7:
Not a destiel moment, but Dean totally got hit on by the waiter. LOL (7:30)
And again. What is it with men in this town and Dean. "We're looking for a necklace." "Romantic. *looks at Dean*" (12:17). Is it an energy reading thing or something? Can they feel the bi energy?
"The Campbell brothers. [...] They weren't actually brothers. That was a cover for their, uhm... alternative life style." (22:40) Huh... I guess calling your lover "brother" runs in the family
"Ever since Cas... I'm having a hard time trusting anybody." (40:44) ouch
Episode 9:
Dean is drunk/high on Leviathan juice, and the first thing he thinks and blabbers about, is Cas (19:48) "I don't even care anymore." Oooohh ICWAW... the possibilities for this scene
Episode 12:
Dean totally checked out that man in uniform. FIGHT ME (16:27)
Episode 13:
"You're head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now-" "Now what!!" (39:35) as soon as Sam mentions Cas' death, Dean gets snappy
Episode 17:
Dean keeps getting snappy whenever Sam mentions Cas
"OH my God the love of my life is alive!" (13:02-13:06)
Dean's face when Daphne touches Cas (13:25), and when he calls her his wife (13:41)
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AND HIS FUCKING FACE TRYING NOT TO TEAR UP BECAUSE CAS DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HIM (14:16)
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You mean to tell me that ICWAW this wouldn't be seen as a mini desperation moment from a man seeing his lover in this situation? Yeah, I don't think so
"What if you were some sort of... I don't know, bad guy." "I... I don't feel like a bad person." Dean's face is like "Damn right you aren't" (16:50)
"He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?" Dean looking at him... can't even answer the question (19:59)
Dean says Cas' betrayal is something he cant get over like everything else. And that he doesn't know why. "It doesn't matter why." "Of course it matters!" (20:25)
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Dean gets visibly uneasy about Meg being so close to Cas (25:34) jealous boyfriend is jealous
Dean doesn't want Cas to remember, afraid he'll leave again (32:18)
"I've known you for years!" (32:34) poor baby. Also "You're an angel." "Uhm, I'm sorry? Is that a flirtation?" DEAN'S FACE (32:42)
Dean doesn't want Cas to be hurt by his own memories and past actions (33:00)
"You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually." Yeah, look at that reaction. Let's see how he reacts to being called his boyfriend later on (33:09)
#MARRIED!!! I'll just leave this. No comment (33:41)
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As Cas regains his memories, only 2 of the ones we see are not of Dean. And the only one we hear is the "I'm sorry, Dean." . That is what matters to Cas (and this looks like a slash video. Kudos to the editors) "I remember you... I remember everything." Yeah, no-homo save (34:35)
Not even an hour earlier, Dean was ranting about Cas betraying him, how he couldn't forget and forgive him, and now he is saying Cas did "the best you could at the time", but Cas actually feels guilt and doesn't want Dean to defend him, but Dean does anyway (36:53)
"We didn't part as friends, Dean." "*looks at Cas up and down*... So what?" "I deserved to die." the look on Dean's face (37:18)
Dean gives Cas his trench coat back. The trench coat he kept, folded and all the the truck, for weeks. And that's not even Baby. So he moved the coat, to always have it with him (37:26). I'm not crying, shut up
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Also, here, have a deleted scene that breaks my heart
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Episode 20:
Let us all appreciate that one time Dean helped a lesbian flirt with a dude (24:27-25:03)
Episode 21:
Dean is devastated about Cas' mental state, that he did that to himself to save Sam. Look at his eyes in this scene (16:08). Also, Dean still resents Cas for the whole 'New God' crap, but it feels like the real reason is the fact that he left (19:18)
"Cas! Don't make me pull this car over!" "Are you angry? Why are you angry? *puppy eyes*" "... No I-I'm..." #MARRIED (27:28)
Cas says he won't fight anymore, but as soon as Dean's in trouble, he FLIPS
"The angels... they don't care... I think maybe they don't have the equipment to care." (31:49) Touchy much, Dean?, are you trying to convince yourself about that? It feels like he's making excuses to not let himself feel anything for Cas. "It seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart." ... OK, fuck everything, ICWAW this would totally be seen as romantic angsty reference to Cas
Cas is so lost in his guilt for what he has caused. He looks like a baby, and it gets worse when it comes to Dean
"Why should we give you anything? After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you curropts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!" (36:50) okay damn, ICWAW all of this would seem as if they were talking about a love relationship between the two and you can't tell me otherwise
'HURT HUSBAND-MUST PROTECT MODE' (37:17)
"The bone of a righteous mortal and the blood of a fallen angel" ... shut up, I'm dying over these clues (39:11)
"What are you gonna do, Cas?" Dean's eyes are begging him to stay. ICWAW, we would point that out without a shadow of a doubt (39:40)
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Episode 23:
"Dude... on my car. He showed up naked... covered in bees!" ... come on, ICWAW this would be a HUGE deal (5:10)
"Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first." (8:51) LISTEN HERE. I study psychology, and one of the first things they teach you is that jokes are based on the truth. HOW MANY OF THESE JOKES WERE MADE?! HUH??!! (plus all the "Dick" jokes Sam made) Also Dean's reaction with the jaw clentch... just saying
Cas keeps stating he doesn't want to fight, but again, Dean's in trouble? FIGHT MODE
"*soft shoulder touch, puppy eyes, serves Dean a sandwich*" ... SOFT #MARRIED COUPLE (18:27)
"You got anything to say on the topic of dicks?" you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dean? (26:42)
Cas is afraid he will do something to cause Dean more trouble. Let's remember he chose what he believed were his last words to be "I'm sorry, Dean.", but as we know, Dean deals with feelings by showing anger... Cas gets upset and copes by playing twister... pathetic. "I can't help. [...] I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again!" for a moment, Cas is lucid, and expresses his fear, but as soon as Dean gets angry with him, Cas gows back to hide in his world of crazy (26:47)
"I'm not good luck, Dean." "... You know what? [...] I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." Look at Cas' soft little smile as it grows. ICWAW, this would be read as another confession (32:38)
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"I'll go with you." SOFT
SEE??! The MOMENT Dick threatens Dean, Cas goes full Angel of the Lord on his ass. MUST PROTECT HUSBAND (36:52) and the utter shock on Dean's face is priceless
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And here comes PurGAYtory
[Season 8>>]
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polymolly · 3 years
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As much as I love to make fun of Supernatural these days (and for the past years) I am anxious that I have, once again, fallen for it so easily. All it took was one little I love you from Castiel and boom, I can’t think straight anymore.
Yes, I’ve been passing on things about Jensen being homophobic and the fastes bury your gays trope ever, and in a way I really believe it. But this is what it fucking feel like after all these years of being misleaded. You can’t really blame that on me or any of us who said that because this is what we’ve been treated like in the past.
I wasn’t ready to believe it a week ago and sure as fuck I’m not ready to believe it now. But this is coping. This is a defence mechanism. And I’m keeping up to it while at the same time I’m warming up to the possibility...
Cause the thing is, this show has been such a huge part of my life, that I can’t really stay indifferent to what is happening. And there’s still more to it somehow.
Because, you see, being part of my life as a cool source of fun is one thing, but it also was a pretty big turning point for me in realising I’m bisexual. Cause at that time there wasn’t many things to see myself reflected in, even if ever so faintly.
I live in Poland and I come frome a traditional family. We’re not really much of christians, but the catholic traditions are strong in here and tbh none of my SO wouldn’t even consider to question their identity or sexuality. My journey wasn’t THAT long, because I figured it all out pretty quickly as compared to some people forced to live in the closet, but it still took some time.
By that time I was already in a relationship with my current husband, so some of the possibilities and routes stayed shut to me, but that’s why SPN is such a huge part of it. More specifically - Dean and his relationship with Cas.
I started to watching it in my teenage years. I don’t really remember if I was 16 or 17 at the time... It brought me a lot of fun through the first seasons and I got a huge crush on Dean - I mean, who wouldn’t. At the time he seemed like a perfect dream of a teenage girl - badass bad boy, strong, manly, fierce, kinda goofy, with the exact amount of emotional sprinkled on top of it, just enough to show you that he cares, but not enough to make you question his masculinity.
But it all changed when Cas was added to the equation. I’ve also found tumblr at the time and it only went downhill from there. Suddenly there was something more in it for me. I wasn’t just attracted to Dean, I was kinda seeing myself in him. I saw the subtext served to us and I thought, wow, this is how I feel. This is how I felt for a long time, but didn’t really considered it to be a thing.
So, even though it seemed like a stupid thing, I’ve started rooting for them. Even though I was already in a relationship I thought that maybe if they become a thing, then all the feelings I’ve had inside me would be validated somehow. Because if Dean can be attracted to a guy despite all his life experience telling him otherwise, then maybe there’s a chance for me too.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my boyfriend and I love him still now that he’s my husband. I’ve never wanted to cheat on him or anything but you have to understand that we were really young back then. I hadn’t really had the time to think about it before because there barely has been any “before”. Everything that I was going through with my self-doubts and internalised homophobia was happening while I was already in a relationship. A relationship I cared for deeply enough that I didn’t wanted to end just to run off and explore my things.
So again, in a way, I’ve seen myself tied by the circumstances pretty much the way Dean was. I’ve seen myself reflected in him in more ways that I could imagine back then. And I wanted for him to go throught with all of it. I wanted to see him happy with Castiel.
And I’ve fallen for the queerbait way too many times.
But it’s been a long time and I’ve grown a lot since then. I know who I am now and I know my place and I know that people around me understand that. There’s no guilt in me anymore for feeling the way I feel. But because of that I decided I have enough of being baited.
It happened few years back when they’ve tried to recreate Dean/Cas chemistry between Dean and the Darkness. I saw what they were trying to do and decide this is the line for me. I’ve grown past seeking validation from them and I was burned out because of the failures that led to it. I stopped watching.
But here we are in the fucking year of 2020 and I’m back on that wagon even thought I should know better. All because I have such a huge soft spot for them both, and even after all these years I still want to see them together. 
Is it yet another queerbait? Perhaps. Knowing all that happened before, it’s more than possible. Will it change anything if it’ll fail? Not at all. I’ll be a little sad, and probably won’t want to hear about the show ever again, but the lack of Destiel Endgame won’t really change anything in my life.
But if it’ll happen? That teenage bisexual inside of me will have the time of her life. And the adult woman I am right now will know that all the time and feelings I invested in that story once won’t go to waste. And it kida felt like it up to this point.
I get that for some it may not be enough to redeem the show, even if it’ll happen. But for me? Sure as hell it would.
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The Angel’s Weakness (Destiel)
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Summary : Dean is no longer able to deal with his memories from Hell alone and he desperately call on Castiel. 
AN: Tell me if you want to be tagged ! (As usual, I do not own the characters or the universe.)
As every night, he wakes up in a cold sweat. His heavy and short breath reminds him that he’s still human. Lately, he’s been questioning this statement a lot. He was no longer himself, and he probably never will be again. He tortured thousands of souls and actually he was willing to torture anyone as long as he wasn’t the one who had to endure it. 
Sam kept telling him that he lasted thirty years but it wasn’t making any difference was it? Sometimes, Dean couldn’t help wondering if ten more years of fighting could have allowed him to stay intact. He was soulless, an empty shell. He felt broken. He couldn’t watch his hands without seeing them stained of blood, couldn’t close his eyes without earring the screams of his victims. Dean was used to fed Sammy up with his lies but still, it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. There wasn’t any other option though, since Dean mentioned hell to his little brother he noticed that he was always watching him as to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere alone. Dean couldn’t bear to see the pity in his brother’s eyes every time they looked at each over. He doesn’t deserve any mercy. He gave up willingly, his selfishness led him to his own lost. After all, he was the only one to blame.
Every night, he dreams about hell and every night he sees himself liking it. He enjoyed torturing other souls as long as he wasn’t hurt. Nothing could ever overcome the deep hole inside him. Every night, he chokes his tears in the pillows of his bed to prevent Sammy from hearing his sobs. He was used to clench his fists so hard that little crescent moon marks appears on his palms. He needed to hurt himself, needed to suffer to ease the guilt he felt deep down. Yet, this night he had reached his limit. He couldn’t pretend that he was okay anymore.
Dean looks back to call on his brother but, to his great dismay he notices that he is alone. He needed to talk to somebody, he may never say this out loud but he needed someone to keep him away from his dark thoughts. At this precise moment, a thought occurred to him. The only one who truly knows what he’s been through, the only one who can comfort him. Before he can change his mind, and without actually knowing what he was doing he started to pronounce Castiel’s name like an incantation. He desperately needed Castiel. He needed an angel to keep him away from hell. His angel was the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.
He wasn’t thinking that Castiel might actually come so, when a bright light blurred him he thought he was dreaming. Castiel was standing there right in front of him. As usual, he was wearing his beige trench-coat and his blue tie that Dean likes so much. As usual, he was so freaking gorgeous, but Dean could never tell him that. Dean noticed something in Cas’s eyes, was it sadness? Castiel bends his head on the left and stared at Dean. Cas knew that Dean was in big trouble when he heard his rasping sore voice call on him. He came as soon as he heard Dean’s prayers because he knew that Dean was on the edge and that he’ll fall any minute. Cas was trying so hard to stay indifferent because he wasn’t allowed to feel anything as an angel. Yet, the sight of Dean on his knees, his bleeding hands and the tears on his face has moved Cas at a point he never thought possible. Cas was feeling defective as an angel. This particular human was able to break all of his walls without an effort. Before he met him he was always remarkable and he never really cared for a human, not the way he care for Dean at least. Cas decided to talk first because Dean was obviously the one who needed comfort.
«Dean, oh Dean I can only imagine what you’ve been through in hell and I’ll probably blame myself forever for not saving you earlier.»
Dean suddenly laughed nervously, and the second after he was crying.
«Cas, I beg you, please you have to do something. I… I can’t bear it anymore. I … make it all go away please it destroys me.»
Castiel actually could do what he was asked, he was able to turn Dean’s feelings off but he would never do such a thing. Humans have a tendency to hurt themselves and Cas noticed that when they don’t feel a thing they never end well. He will not watch Dean destroy himself right in front of him, not if he has a say in it. He got closer to Dean and sits in front of him. They were really close now.
«Dean, I’m sorry but I can’t do what you asked.»
«Then fuck off Cas!»
Castiel grabbed Dean’s right shoulder, and he looked him in the eye.
«I, I cannot do that because… you won’t be able to handle it. I cannot do that because I don’t want you to lose yourself. You need to feel something, Dean, even if that’s hurt it will always be better than being without feelings at all. You need to hold on to your humanity.»
«But… that hurts so much Cas, I’m not strong enough, I need your help.»
Castiel made no answer, instead of that he put his hand on Dean’s cheek. Cas’s touch comforted Dean, for a few seconds the pain was just a bad memory. Without even thinking about what he was going to do, the hunter kissed Cas breathlessly. At first, Cas didn’t know how to react, he was torn between his angel’s duty and his lust for Dean who consumed him since he saved Dean from hell. Suddenly, the hunter pull back and he got up. He was now pacing around Castiel with both hands on his head.
«Fuck, fuck why the hell did I just do that? Dammit, I’m so sorry Cas, please forgive me.»
Dean was now against the wall. Castiel pushed him so fast that he didn’t even see it coming. Before he could speak, Cas passionately kissed him back. The kiss was so intense that their teeth collided. They were alone, and nothing else mattered at the moment. Dean knew that this was definitely the best kiss he ever experienced and he also knew that Cas was the reason why. He felt himself blushing because his thoughts were now really obscene. When Castiel unsealed their lips, Dean whimpered in frustration. The angel quickly grabbed Dean’s shirt. Oh god! Dean was so turned on right now. This was the first time that his angel seemed to have lost control and the hunter felt himself getting painfully hard at the sight of Cas’s deep blue eyes. The situation was so unrealistic that Dean wondered if he was dreaming or not. He moaned softly when Castiel whispered in his ears.
«I can make you feel better Dean. I can make you come so hard that you won’t even remember your name.»
Dean was so needy for the angel, but he couldn’t manage to find the words he was looking for because Cas’s words were messing with his head.
«I know the truth Dean. I know that you’ve been having dreams about me. You want me, and I feel the same way.»
While speaking, Cas was moving his hands on Dean’s perfect body and when he reached the bulge in his pants, Dean groaned in anticipation. Cas put Dean’s pants off and a grin appeared on his face when he realized that the hunter wasn’t wearing anything else. He grabbed Dean’s cock and started to stroke it gently. Cas was staring at his lover, analyzing him deeply with his ocean eyes.
«Fuck Cas, what are you d…»
Dean had been interrupted by the sight of Cas licking his cock, and he couldn’t help himself moaning loudly. Castiel, the angel of the lord, was kneeling in front of him and he was blowing him. Dean grabbed Cas’s hair and the angel groaned. The hunter tried to move his hips in a desperate attempt to fuck Cas’s mouth faster and the angel accelerated his rhythm.
«Oh Cas I’m gonna come! If you don’t want to… then…»
The hunter was unable to formulate a complete sentence and a few seconds after, he reached his climax with a scream of pleasure. Cas swallowed all of his semen with a moan. A few minutes after, the two men were staring at each over intensely. All of a sudden, Dean moved and hugged Castiel. He could feel the warmth of the angel’s body, and he felt safe. He was no longer afraid of anything because he knew that Cas will always be there to watch over him. He knew that and, for the first time in a long time he felt whole again.
«Cas… I, jeez I’m pretty sure that you know what I mean.»
«No, I don’t Dean. You’re gonna have to tell me.»
«Fuck Cas, I know you get it.»
Castiel leaned himself and put a chaste kiss on Dean’s lips.
«I love you too Dean.»
Dean felt a delightful warmth spreading inside of him. He was in love with his angel since the beginning but alas he was too proud to admit it. It was only at this moment that Dean realized that his lover was still hard.
«Cas, it’s your turn baby come here.»
It was gonna be a long night for the two men.
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sparklingsammy · 4 years
Text
Not In That Way | Epilogue
Pairing: Sam x Reader | AU
Summary: Your big sister was certainly cheating on her boyfriend, but there were two things that didn’t make this indifferent to you. One, he didn’t know. Two, you were in love with him.
Words: ~400
Warnings: Fluff and angst... maybe.
Masterlist | Series Masterpost
A/N: Finally. I’m sorry it took so long. Lmao, I’m the worst. More writing yet to come! Also, why on EARTH did they delete line breaks? I’m mad.
Feedback is always appreciated. Enjoy! xx
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“Dear Sam,
I’m writing this to tell you I’m fine. School is doing great and Bailey and Sarah stay the same. More partying than studying, as usual, I’m afraid.
I haven’t talked to Amelia since I left home. Since I left you. And that was 8 months ago.
I hope she’s doing well. I still don’t have the courage to ask her myself.
I miss you. 
I’d be lying if I said I don’t. Hell, lying if I didn’t say anything. But that’s life. It’s a constant give and take until you can’t keep giving. And I gave my everything to you. 
Now, I don’t want you to feel sorry. I still care for you enough to tell you it’s okay. What happened was a series of unfortunate events that my heart couldn’t take, though it thought it was correct to feel like that. To feel that, actually.
These past few months I’ve learned that love isn’t something you get. It’s something you earn with work, tears, and sweat. And I believed that if I wished hard enough, I would get you to love me like I loved you. 
Turns out, it was more complicated than that.
You did love me. Maybe you still do. But not in the way I want to. Not in the way I needed you to. 
You can take this as a goodbye or as a “see you when life finds us together again”. But, still, no matter what, you should know that I’m okay here and that you’ll always have a special place in my heart. No matter what.
Forever yours,
Y/N.”
You sign off and put the letter in the envelope, closing it. You grab it tightly in one hand, as you take Jordan’s with the other. 
“Something important?” He asks, pointing to the envelope.
“Just an old friend,” you reply, kissing him softly on the lips. 
You grab your coats and adventure into the wild New York City streets.
Hand in hand, you walk to the post office. Sam Winchester’s name can be read on the front of the envelope. You sigh out loud as you let it fall into the mail.
“You okay?” Jordan asks, squeezing your hand slightly. You smile. 
“Better than ever.”
Series Tag List | Message me to be tagged! - @mogaruke​ @purgatoan @gallifreyansass @benditlikegumby @livelovelike555 @oriona75 @obi-wan-my-only-ho​ @we-know-a-little-about-a-lot @ivebeenwinchesterd @annalisestark @ellen-reincarnated1967 @growningupgeek @pabegay1 @smoothdogsgirl @super-who-lock-18 @sammy-winchesters-dimples @tumblinwith-me @fangirlextraordinaire @jared-padaloveme @kenken12201 @number-one-supernatural-trash @imweirdandobsessed @daughterleftbehind @eccentricsammy @supernatural-isking @incongruityy @dancing-the-hellfire-rumba @eringva @everlastingcas @angelbabymed @imagine-that-100 Forever Tag List - @teamfreewill-imagine @ruined-by-destiel @pada-ackles @spnashley @the-mrs-deanwinchester @unadulteratedstorycollector @winchester-writes @sleepywinchester @aprofoundbondwithdean @ilostmyshoe-79 @blushingsamgirl @waywardlullabies @mysupernaturalfics @sis-tafics @chelseypaigeake @sammysgirl1997 @feelmyroarrrr​
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no-gorms · 5 years
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so happy to learn u ship and write stony! i thought you'd go for stucky, cos they remind me of destiel in some ways? but yeah, glad we're on the same ship! how'd you get into them? why steve and tony?
Oh yeah there’s loads of similarities between Dean/Cas &Stucky, it’s been fun to see quite a few D/C people I follow get into it. Maybe Icould’ve gotten into Stucky for that reason, but my heart was already withSteve/Tony. Which is a friend’s fault, mostly?
The proper timeline is kinds of vague now, but how it wentis that a RL friend (HEY YOU) got really into Tony after the first Iron Manmovie came out, and since there was a huge backlog of Tony-centered fic and arton livejournal thanks to the comics!Steve/Tony shippers, she fell into that anddragged me down with her. (Though I ended up being a Steve fan meself.) There’s so many great, meaty fanworks out there and Ireally enjoyed the characters’ dynamic in fic, with their epic complicated friendship and how they come from such different POVs but bring out the best and sometimes worst in each other. So I got some of the comicsmyself, and eventually got swept up into the excitement of the MCU’s Steveappearing on the big screen and meeting MCU’s Tony.
Let’s just say that I lost a bit of interest in MCU’sSteve/Tony up until Civil War came out, which is when my heart went EXPLODEY.Why is it the movie with the epic divorce is the one that made me ship themhardcore? All that tsundere friction, struggling to communicate because they CARE yet they keep failing at it, and pinpoint-accurate diving for each other’s vulnerable spots which they know of because they know each other – it turned out to be my catnip, especially because it shows how tragically easy it would’ve been for all that friction to have turned to an epic partnership (also: love), if only if only if only. (The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference, and these guys ain’t indifferent about each other.) And I’ve been here since.
Well, that’s how I  ship them, but of course there’s so many other ways and all that!
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scarletxwonder · 6 years
Text
Lost and Found
pairing: Destiel
word count:
summary: fluff without plot
warnings: none
A/N: decided to repost this because it flopped the first time 
“Cas!” dean almost screamed when he saw the angel, alive and seemingly well, but most importantly, alive.
“Hello Dean,” he said in his scruffy low voice like he does every time and Dean had never been happier to hear it. He wondered for a second if this was a dream, it seemed too good to be true, but it felt real, Dean couldn’t explain it but it just did. His eyes started watering as he took in the sight before him, his angel was so beautiful. He always knew that and he was too scared to admit it but damn he was gorgeous. The hunter ran towards Castiel and pulled him into a tight hug, Cas returned it, seemingly startled by Deans sudden gestures. At this point, Dean was crying, but he didn’t care. He got another chance, the chance he had been praying every night for, the chance he didn’t think he’d get, didn’t think he deserved, but for once in his life dean didn’t care what he deserved or not, he will be selfish,just this once, he not only wants Cas but he needs him. Dean squeezed Cas in that hug for what seemed like forever but he didn’t want to let go, he was too scared that if he did all this would end and he couldn’t take it. Sam was watching them from the Impala, smiling widely, the sight in front of him so pure and beautiful. He can finally have his brother back, whole. Sam decided to give them some much-needed space. He can greet Cas later, they had more important things to do now. ‘like each other’ a cheeky thought crossed his mind making him snicker. When Dean finally pulled back, he heard the engine of his baby roaring as it drove away, when he looked Sam was in the driver's seat. But he couldn’t be bothered to think about that right now. He looked back at Cas, staring into those beautiful blue eyes of his, tears still falling from his eyes. Cas frowned and placed his hand on deans shoulder “Dean are you okay? Is everything okay why are you crying?” he said in a worried tone, looking like a confused puppy and making dean melt. “Because I'm happy" he answered, his voice quiet and weak, breaking at the end. Dean placed his right hand over the one Cas was resting on his shoulder. “I missed you buddy, I really thought I lost you” Cas smiled and Dean barely held back from jumping him right there and then, which reminded him of the thing he needed and had been waiting to do. Suddenly his heart sped up. Is this too soon? Should he wait a bit? No there’s no time for that, who knows if Dean is going to lose Cas again, maybe for good, he needs to tell him before it’s too late. “I uh, I need to tell you something” dean’s tone suddenly turned serious and Cas became worried “Is it about Jack?” “No, no,” Dean chuckled “Jack’s...Jack’s fine, I’ll fill you in later..this is...different” Cas nodded urging Dean to continue. Who stared helplessly at him, fearing the outcome this might have. ‘You know what’ he thought to himself ‘I’ve been too scared for too long. It’s now or never’ Dean took a deep breath and looked up, straight into those beautiful blue eyes “I love you Cas” he was surprised the words made it out of his mouth but also relieved, and obviously terrified. His insides felt like a cocktail of emotions right now. The angel smiled “I know you do dean, and I love you too” “No it’s, it’s more than that” he sighed, trying to relax as nerves and adrenaline overtook him “I’m in love with you Castiel” Dean hasn’t addressed Cas by his full name in a long time, but he needed to show how serious he was about this. Cas looked confused, then his eyes widened showing Dean he understood. The angel was speechless and Dean was panicking. “please, say something” he begged. And Cas finally did something, he smiled. “I mean, I knew you loved me Dean, even if I didn’t think I deserved to be loved by you, I still knew, but I never thought it was romantic love” Dean nodded “I didn’t want to accept it, I was too scared, I never wanted to admit this part of me, I hated myself for it for so long and so many people told me it was wrong” “There is nothing wrong with you Dean, I am an angel, we are indifferent to sexual orientation” Then Dean felt something awaken in him, hope. “Does, does that mean..” Dean trailed off “We always shared a more profound bond, I thought it was romantic only on my part but I was wrong apparently” Dean took in a sharp breath of air and smiled, relieved. before he knew it dean was pulling the angel before him into a kiss.
******
“I wish I would’ve done this sooner,I'm so mad I didn’t” Cas knew Dean was blaming himself which he didn’t deserve. The angel gently wrapped his arms around deans neck and inched him closer, resting their foreheads together. The sudden closeness and touch made Deans heart race and his expression showed a deep longing for his angel. Like someone who desperately wanted something for ages and finally got it even though they thought they wouldn’t, which happens to be the exact case here. “Dean what’s important is that you did, do not live in the past, it's not good…and as you humans say, ‘better late than never’ ” Dean admired the beautiful man before him. His face showed disbelief along with desire and fondness. “I don’t deserve you,” he said, breathy and more to himself than to Cas. Cas frowned, he didn’t get how Dean could so think badly about himself when he was so amazing. Both of them were broken and thinking they don’t deserve each other. “Dean” Cas' tone was soft and caring “You deserve me and so much more, you saved the world endless times and saved endless lives, you have made mistakes but that doesn’t make you horrible, it makes you human” Dean let everything sink in as a few tears of mixed emotions fell from his eyes. “Dammit Cas, I love you so much” “I love you too Dean” the angel captured dean’s lips with his own.
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Hey I wanna open a discussion here Bc I feel like a minority in this. I can’t bring myself to multiship. I can recognize and be interested in the dynamics of other pairings but I can never get invested in them. I pretty much attach to one and can’t ever picture those two characters with anyone else. Everyone on my dash seems to be excited for dean and sister jo to get it on and I just. Am completely indifferent to it on any level higher than character/plot analysis tbh. Is this unpopular?
Just before I get started, the people who can seriously multiship are really amazing people and often some of the chillest fandom people because they’re relatively immune to ship weirdness about OTPs etc, very much in a “why can’t we all get along” way, so I do have several on my dash just for the chillness of it all :P I think people who can do it are pretty awesome, though I don’t know what percentage of the fandom they are and it’s pretty easy to find extremely OTP-leaning people about Destiel. 
But yeah, I *am* amused by the idea of Dean and “Sister Jo” but really only because Danneel so it sort of transcends the normal rules, and also I do have complete chill about Dean having random hook ups as long as he’s happy and there’s nothing dodgy going on, because that is Dean and I’m totally happy for that to happen while he hasn’t exactly sorted shit out with Cas. 
Buuut I think it’s very very different from “shipping” him with these characters, like, they’re there for an episode, maybe he gets something good from them, but then it’s all in the past and it becomes as inconsequential in the long run as Dean mentioning off-screen things, like Rhonda Hurley or something (*pours one out for the long-held fan wish for Danneel to show up as her* :P Unless…. she’s changed her name and become a nun………), and I don’t really need fic or to come up with any more elaborate headcanons about them together and as you say it’s more interesting in the long run just for the meta purpose they have in the story.
I mean, I was so delighted by Dean’s horrific pick up line on Carmen in 12x18 that I paused watching the episode (while on my first watch), wrote 5 new paragraphs into Terrible Coffee AU to turn it into Dean fucking up hitting on Cas, since I’d been secretly working on a Cas as a diner waiter fic for like 5 months without telling anyone, and rushed it into production so I could post it immediately after I was done with the episode. But just because that hook up absolutely killed me and gave me a huge happy high, doesn’t mean I want Dean to get married to her or anything? I just really like it when Dean hooks up and things all seem above board and happy. 
I mean to me that’s not shipping at all, it’s just TV characters having sex and me being like, okay, that happened. And you can be like, okay that happened, about entire ginormous things in shows, like whole season long relationships you don’t really have any strong feelings about, or just random arcs that happen but don’t really inspire you about them in particular (like, 12x18 inspired me a lot but to write Destiel not Dean/Carmen-from-12x18)… 
I mean, Destiel is my OTP, I can’t get deeply emotionally invested in any other pairing for them because it feels wrong to me about how they feel for each other, like I can’t imagine them spending serious emotional energy on anyone else, and I don’t see in text them spending any serious emotional energy on anyone else, and it seems like they spend a lot on each other. So we’re all good there :P 
But, I mean, for Sam I feel less caught up in any one story he’s having with anyone, and I don’t really ship for Sam in a whole fluffy fics and needing to write much about him and love interests way, but I get fluttery feelings in my heart when he interacts with Eileen or Jody or even like Athena the Undertaker from 13x06, so I think I mostly just want Sam to be happy and when he gets blushy and weird with a lady it’s like okay dude grab a dog and settle down with her. So I sort of multi-ship Sam but he’s just not my main attention and all my emotional energy is on Dean and Cas. I guess if I was more into fic as just a fun release where there were lower stakes than Dean and Cas are to me and I could just kick back with it and read anyone, I could probably read Sam with anyone I thought was a good emotional match for him or you could convince me was. 
Dean and Cas, though, it’s special and there’s something about reading their names together and then someone writes their faces smooshing together for the first time, that feels Important and Real and powerful in a way that reading random ships for other characters or fandoms or even Dean or Cas pairings has never really made me feel. 
(I mean I wrote a whole porny fic where Cas hooks up with his friend Benjamin from 12x10 but it was the most thinly veiled Destiel parallel ever like hey what if they were 4 people in an interracial lesbian couple but still Destiel, and believe me as fun as it all was, that was my emotional anchor for making Cas get with anyone else :P) 
But again like that was really interesting to write but as soon as I wrote it and got the idea out of my head I never really felt the need to return to it and nurture a Cas x Benjamin rare pair fandom or anything? Like, I feel bad I *don’t* because it’s way more interesting a concept than Destiel in some respects, but it just doesn’t captivate me long term like Destiel does? I think they’re always going to just feel inherently *better* to me because I’m emotionally invested in them in a unique way to basically anything except my sporadic, nearly decade apart OTPs in my early life and teenager years. I don’t pick them lightly or deliberately :P It’s clear they’re *more* than any other pairing out there. So to me I am a lifelong OTP’er in the true sense of ONLY having the one pairing I really really care about and want to see succeed and be happy with all my heart. 
But at the same time it’s such a huge feeling it doesn’t actually bother me to have them in other relationships to a reasonable degree, because I can be pretty confident they’re still the best and still meant for each other, so this one random thing won’t hurt… 
Definitely in the case of Danneel showing up, and the potential for nod nod wink wink jokes about her and “Dean” or even a fling, it’s the least troublesome exemption to me ever, because they’re *married* :P I don’t even think for sure they’ll do that - I’m way sold on the idea she has a thing for Cas (maybe unrequitedly, just some one-sided flirting) because Misha and Danneel are apparently great friends and even greater trouble… :P 
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a-nice-egg-offering · 7 years
Text
A shotgun romance - chapter 1 is up on wattpad, here's a preview>>
Captain Dean Winchester was charming, handsome, tall and witty. The men looked up to him and he looked out for them. He saw his regiment as one big family, as soon as they left home they became his brothers in his eyes, he loved them all equally and admired their sacrifice immensely.
He made sure to spend at least 3 hours a day down in the trenches with the soldiers. Share drinks with them and talk about home.
Captain Dean Winchester was a widely appreciated man and even people from other regiments knew of him and his ways. He did things differently to say the least.
He couldn’t understand why other captains would just ignore the soldiers out in the dugouts because they weren’t as high in class as them. In Deans eyes any man that lays down his life for another man is worth all the time he has.
It was a cold Saturday afternoon when Castiel Novak joined Dean Winchesters regiment.
He was on his way to the trenches as usual, it felt like he probably spent more time out there with them than with the rest of the officers, but to be totally honest he preferred it that way. The soldiers were a lot more down to earth and generally outrageous people. He liked people like that and he liked that they were comfortable enough to not treat him differently just because he was captain.
A man by the name of Benny Lafitte was probably the closest thing Dean had to a best friend. He felt a strong sense of brotherhood and comradeship when they were together, it was a friendship he treasured dearly.
When he got to the trenches however, Benny was no where to be seen.
He enquired about Bennys whereabouts to a boy named Garth whom he was also rather friendly with
Garth told dean that he was ‘showing the new guy around’
“We have a new guy?” Dean asked
“No one told ya?” Garth looked surprised
Dean shook his head.
“Aren’t you supposed to know all that, being the captain an’ all?”
“In theory. But a lot of men come and go around here I guess it’s hard to keep track.”
“Ah yeah I spose it would be rather.”
“Mm. What’s his name anyway? This new chap?”
“How should I know?” Garth shrugged
“Only got here half an hour ago.”
“Well I should probably introduce myself to him, do you know when they’ll be back?”
Garth paused to think for a minute his face contorted like he was trying to remember when they left before something catches his eye and he nods in the direction of somewhere past deans shoulder.
“Here they come look.”
Dean turned around to see Benny with a dark haired man of medium build, he looked pretty worn down already, he’d hate to see what the war does to him.
Benny grinned when he saw Dean who waved back and walked to meet them half way.
“Winchester!” Benny exclaimed, embracing Dean in a hug as usual.
“What are you doing down here fella”
“I like to see how the other half live”
“Aw man you’re hurting my feelings.” Benny faked a hurt expression before both men burst out laughing.
The man beside them looked confused and tilted his head slightly, to be fair to him, it was very easy to get confused when Benny and Dean were together, their jokes made no sense to outsiders.
Dean stopped laughing when he remembered they were in the presence of someone else
“Benny, don’t be so rude, introduce me to Mr..” Dean looked at the other man expectantly waiting for him to finish the sentence
“Novak sir” the man stood up visibly straighter, clearly realising the class difference.
“Castiel Novak.”
“Castiel. Interesting name.”
“My er- parents were from Russia but um I guess that’s kind of unfortunate for me now that we’re in this well situation.”
Dean smiled
“Don’t worry Cas- can I call you Cas?”
Castiel seemed completely indifferent to the idea.
“If you like.”
“You seem just as American as any of these men to me.” He winked reassuringly.
Dean had a talent for being absolutely delightful to anyone and everyone he ever met, even the toughest nuts to crack.
“Take Benny for example, half French. Bloody scum if you ask me”
Benny hit dean playfully and Cas smiled a bit.
“You’d never guess he’s captain of this damn company would ya? He’s so immature.”
“Oh really Lafitte I’m immature? You do realise I can make you clean out the toilets for a month.”
Castiels face suddenly goes white.
“Wait, you’re the captain?”
Dean nods with a confused and slightly amused expression.
“I’m so sorry if I disrespected you in any way sir, I didn’t realise.” He puts his head down and stares at the ground firmly.
Dean smirked at Benny who stifled a snigger and turned away so that he wouldn’t ruin the joke.
Dean put on his fake ‘mean commander’ voice
“Were you taught nothing about respect in school, boy? you should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I know sir I’m sorry sir.” Castiel was still staring at the ground and bracing himself for a proper scolding but instead Dean burst out laughing and he felt a friendly hand on his shoulder
“I’m just messing with you pal, be as casual as you want, I really don’t mind, I like spending time with the boys down here.”
Cas felt the weight of a million men be lifted off his shoulders.
“Oh.” He laughed nervously.
“I don’t think there are many commanders like you sir.”
“Please stop calling me sir it makes me feel old, Dean will do fine.”
“Oh right. Sorry er Dean.”
Dean laughed again and turned to Benny
“He’s so.. Stiff. I love it.”
He turned back to Castiel and added
“Seeya around- Cas.” And winked before walking off to say hi to the other soldiers.
—-/
Read my destiel fic a shotgun romance by Castealyogirl on wattpad and please let me know what you think xx
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sinditiafr · 7 years
Text
Fandom Frustration
I’m 28 years old and even though I’m usually self-deprecating about being so close to thirty, I feel like I’m too young to feel this old and tired in fandom.  Maybe it’s because the SPN fandom ranges from the very young all the way past middle-aged, but still, the aches in my bones don’t seem to reflect my position in the middle of that age spectrum.  
Before we begin, let’s get some identifiers out of the way.  I started watching Supernatural during its eighth season but I’ve caught up with the whole series.  I started watching because of Misha Collins, who is my favorite actor on the show. Dean and Castiel are my favorite characters, and I ship them more than anything else.  I have to say though, none of the other ships is a deal breaker or a “notp” for me, I can get into Wincest fanfic if it’s written well enough and there are many that are.  I’m not talented or disciplined enough to produce any kind of fanfiction or fanart and I’m strictly a consumer of fanwork, not a creator.  My overall indifference towards any ship other than Destiel has made me truly lack any strong feelings about people who ship them and I really don’t think they’re crazy at all.  And finally, despite having a lot of feelings about Cockles, I sincerely believe that all the actors’ marriages are for real and if they’re all secretly fucking on the side, well that’s really none of my business and certainly not my place to really claim one way or another, but one can imagine.  
Anyway.  So apparently my very careful selection of tumblr blogs I follow and my tendency to not get into SPN tags have sheltered me from fandom toxicity in all the years I’ve been here.  I mean, I knew it was out there, people talk about it enough, but I rarely ever see it with my own eyes.  I have, however, recently got into the SPN fandom on twitter and boy howdy what a shitshow that is.  I ended up blocking people left and right to stop my masochistic self from reading through hateful threads because it gets me in a bad headspace.
I know I sound super naïve, but seriously, why do people have such strong feelings about it? I try tell myself, they’re not being obstinate, they’re being passionate.  I am, after all, passionate about Destiel.  But my passion for it does not include, and is not even remotely based on my hatred for for Sam or any other character within the vicinity. Wincest is a great ship, Dean and Sam have a strong, unique relationship that can be interpreted in many ways (just like Dean’s relationship with Castiel).  A lot of what I see is, Dean and Sam are together because Cas is a piece of shit and his character should be killed off and Misha Collins should be fired because he’s a horrible human being.  And that’s just baffling to me.  I can’t wrap my head around that way of thinking.
Another thing that saddens me is some celebrities’ involvement in all this.  When Jensen said Destiel doesn’t exist, at the time I shrugged it off quite easily. What does it matter really, what he says.  Is that supposed to stop me from shipping it? I still support him, I watch his TV show, I go to conventions and pay to see him, but in my free time I read fanfiction and look at fanart of Dean and Cas together. It’s really nothing to him what I do in my spare time and how I consume his work.  But I can’t pretend it’s not hurtful when people who hate my ship use his words as ammunition to attack what I quietly enjoy in the comfort of my own home. And over time, I’m growing somewhat resentful that Jensen even said those three words, not because he truly believes in them, because if he does, that’s really his business and I can respect that, but the fact that he said it at all and makes some people believe it’s okay to use his words to promote hate.  
Then William Shatner gets involved on twitter calling Destiel shippers crazy.  I’m aware rationally that he doesn’t mean all of us, just like I’m aware rationally that the antis hate threads are the works of a small number of people and not the entire J2/Wincest party.  And that logical, rational part of my brain keeps asking myself, why am I so upset about this? I know I keep quiet (this post notwithstanding, but I just couldn’t take it anymore) and enjoy my ships in relative silence, he’s not talking about me personally.  But I can’t pretend that the overgeneralization doesn’t hurt because he’s famous, he has a large following, and his words have weight that less well-meaning people can swing around.  
The thing is, the part of any fandom or ship that is loud and abrasive and inflammatory (the “crazy” basically, though I don’t like that word) seem prominent simply because they are loud.  I’m sure there are plenty of us on either side that are nice and peaceful and I’m sure they greatly outnumber those who are motivated by hate.  And it’s hard, I think, to really prove our existence online because to be heard one must be loud, and to be loud is to be “crazy”.  
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Im a destiel fan who hates Jack. Jack being equated with Dean to Cas disguts me (as does Jack all together or the whole incest sam and dean daddy storyline) , so if anybody should be mentioned after Dean re: Cas it should be Sam , his friend of a decade and not Jack satans manchild writers pet fanservice crack fic trope. Lmao I laughed at this myself I dont think there is hope for me with my hatred against Jack he could marry deancas and I still would want him to drop dead
But Jack has done basically nothing? I mean now he’s another bland white guy to add to the cast but at this point we’re just going to have to lump it on that issue if we’re committed to carrying on watching since he’s already cast and a series regular and what do we do with that… 
I mean… Do you just hate the fan spec about him?? Or what he did as an unborn baby and all the drama about him and Kelly because the Buckleming episodes were so dreary for a large chunk of the season? I mean I TOTALLY get being indifferent to him because I really don’t know how I’ll feel about him until I get to enjoy him on screen but I’m hoping I’ll like him so the season is easy to watch… I don’t hate him even if the concept hasn’t exactly been grabbing me, because I still consider myself in the pre-opinion stage on Jack because we know basically nothing about the actual character except some spoilers here and there? If the actor has a ton of fun charm and sells the character then I’m all for it. I didn’t really like Amara for the first half of season 11 but Emily Swallow was great so when they just let her be Amara and ditched the kid stuff I came to quite like her because she had great presence and made me believe in the character, while the parade of little girls and teenagers was… not great. 
But anyway, sorry I think you’re completely misunderstanding Dabb. I mean I answered that question thinking you were a Sam/Cas shipper with a generic Dean n Cas are buddies answer but it’s the same answer I think explains anything PR-y because they are not going to talk about Dean n Cas as if they are a romantic couple in the PR because they’re not selling it that way. I mean I’d love it if Dabb came out to give a paragraph to Dean’s reaction with a wink wink of course he acts different, but it me it’s great he mentioned Dean and Jack as having a strong bond with Cas and just forgets Sam because it’s in dropping Sam that it points out - PLATONICALLY as this is how he’s talking about it - Dean has an immensely powerful relationship with Cas. And Jack has one too for different reasons, in the same way Amara sprung up latched onto Dean, Jack and Cas have a connection which is sudden and ambiguous.
OF COURSE Dabb isn’t talking about either of these as a romantic bond or comparing them against each other as if they are. It says nothing about Jack and Cas to compare it about Cas and Dean in the context of words coming out of the showrunner’s mouth in a short teasing interview for a website where he says like 3 paragraphs intended to get a general audience worked up about watching the next season. This is why we say “PR is not showrunning” because these interviews do not reflect exactly the purpose or intent of the writers because they’re selling a party line on what it all means in the broadest possible way which sounds best… Any analysing we do on these words is reading between the lines with our extra knowledge to guess at it, but it’s all deeply, deeply… surface level and trite. There’s noooothing to worry about here.
I mean, I don’t know, I’m still waiting to see if I like Jack or not but the point is that Dabb was just laying out some emotional directions for the story there, suggesting what dynamics are going to be interesting for us maybe. You don’t like Jack, so whatever he says about Jack isn’t for you, fair enough… But he’s not devaluing Sam and Cas or whatever in that omission. He’s trying to sell the new character to people who don’t have a strong opinion or need reminding the show is coming back and to check it out when it does. Saying Cas and Dean have a strong relationship is a given, and Jack and Cas are connected already in the story based on how the end of last season went down, so it’s natural to mention that too. Sam and Cas are close but that’s a given and apparently not a direction the story needs to focus on since last season they weren’t building up anything dramatic…
I mean, idk what to say still even now I get it but that maybe you need to stop taking Dabb at his word that everything he says is of utmost carved in stone importance about the show and character dynamics and this indicates literally everything he feels about the characters, and how season 13 will play out. He’s just giving an interview to try and get people excited about things. 
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