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denimbex1986 · 4 months

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'Writer and poet Benjamin Zephaniah has died aged 65, after being diagnosed with a brain tumour eight weeks ago.

A statement posted on his Instagram account confirmed he died in the early hours of Thursday.

The statement said Zephaniah's wife "was with him throughout and was by his side when he passed".

"We shared him with the world and we know many will be shocked and saddened by this news," it added.

Zephaniah was born and raised in Handsworth, Birmingham, the son of a Barbadian postman and a Jamaican nurse. He was dyslexic and left school aged 13, unable to read or write.

He moved to London aged 22 and published his first book, Pen Rhythm.

His early work used dub poetry, a Jamaican style of work that has evolved into the music genre of the same name, and he would also perform with the group The Benjamin Zephaniah Band.

As Zephaniah's profile grew, he became a familiar face on television and was credited with bringing Dub Poetry into British living rooms.

He also wrote five novels as well as poetry for children, and his first book for younger readers, Talking Turkeys, was a huge success upon its publication in 1994.

On top of his writing work, Zephaniah was an actor and appeared in the BBC drama series Peaky Blinders between 2013 and 2022.

He played Jeremiah "Jimmy" Jesus, appearing in 14 episodes across the six series.

Zephaniah famously rejected an OBE in 2003 due to the association of such an honour with the British Empire and its history of slavery.

"I've been fighting against empire all my life, fighting against slavery and colonialism all my life," he told The Big Narstie Show in 2020.

"I've been writing to connect with people, not to impress governments and monarchy. So I could I then accept an honour that puts the word Empire on to my name? That would be hypocritical.

He often spoke out about issues such as racial abuse and education.

When he was younger, Zephaniah served a prison sentence for burglary and received a criminal record.

In 1982, Zephaniah released an album called Rasta, which featured the Wailers' first recording since the death of Bob Marley.

It also included a tribute to the then-political prisoner Nelson Mandela, who would later become South African president.

In an interview in 2005, Zephaniah said growing up in a violent household led to him assuming that was the norm.

He recalled: "I once asked a friend of mine, 'What do you do when your dad beats your mum?' And he went: 'He doesn't.'

"I said, 'Ah, you come from one of those, like, feminist houses. So, what do you do when your mum beats your dad?'"

In 2012, he was chosen to guest edit an edition of BBC Radio 4's Today programme.

Zephaniah was nominated for autobiography of the year at the National Book Awards for his work, The Life And Rhymes Of Benjamin Zephaniah, which was also shortlisted for the Costa Book Award in 2018.

During a Covid-19 lockdown, Zephaniah recited one of his poems in a video for the Hay Festival.

"Benjamin was a true pioneer and innovator. He gave the world so much," the statement announcing his death said.

"Through an amazing career including a huge body of poems, literature, music, television and radio, Benjamin leaves us with a joyful and fantastic legacy."

A statement from the Black Writers' guild, which Zephaniah helped establish, said: "Our family of writers is in mourning at the loss of a deeply valued friend and a titan of British literature. Benjamin was a man of integrity and an example of how to live your values."

Others paying tribute included author Michael Rosen, who said: "I'm devastated. I admired him, respected him, learnt from him, loved him. Love and condolences to the family and to all who loved him too."

Actress Adjoa Andoh posted: "We have lost a Titan today. Benjamin Zephaniah. Beautiful Poet, Professor, Advocate for love and humanity in all things. Heartbroken. Rest In Your Power - our brother."

Peaky Blinders actor Cillian Murphy said in a statement: "Benjamin was a truly gifted and beautiful human being.

"A generational poet, writer, musician and activist. A proud Brummie and a Peaky Blinder. I'm so saddened by this news."

Broadcaster Trevor Nelson said: "So sad to hear about the passing of Benjamin Zephaniah. Too young, too soon, he had a lot more to give. He was a unique talent."

Singer-songwriter and musician Billy Bragg added: "Very sorry to hear this news. Benjamin Zephaniah was our radical poet laureate. Rest in power, my friend."

Comedian, actor and writer Lenny Henry said: "I was saddened to learn of the passing of my friend Benjamin Zephaniah. His passion for poetry, his advocacy for education for all was tireless."

Writer Nels Abbey said: "To call this crushing news is a massive understatement. He was far too young, far too brilliant and still had so much to offer. A loss we'll never recover from."

The X/Twitter account for Premier League football club Aston Villa, whom Zephaniah supported said everyone at the club was "deeply saddened" by the news.

"Named as one of Britain's top 50 post-war writers in 2008, Benjamin was a lifelong Aston Villa fan and had served as an ambassador for the AVFCFoundation. Our thoughts are with his family and friends at this time."'

#Benjamin Zephaniah #The Benjamin Zephaniah Band #Peaky Blinders #Cillian Murphy #Adjoa Andoh #Michael Rosen #Black Writers Guild #Hay Festival #The Life And Rhymes Of Benjamin Zephaniah #Jeremiah “Jimmy” Jesus #Rasta #Pen Rhythm #Aston Villa #Nels Abbey #Lenny Henry #Billy Bragg #Trevor Nelson

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votemeforeverything · 7 months

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Today I went into school way earlier than necessary since I was at my friend's house and we didn't know what to do and there is this boy that normally goes in early since his mum is a science teacher and he was being annoying and basically following me and my friend around, so I turned around to face him and asked him if he wanted a gift, he said what is it and I passed him a tampon from my bag, he looked confused but opened it and once he saw the string I could see the heartbreak radiating from his eyes as he threw it back to me. He is kind of popular, so most of the boys knew what I did and occasionally they yelled at me throughout the day and in maths/p4 I was sat behind two of his friends, one of them asked me why I gave him a tampon and I just said it was funny but the other boy asked why I had a tampon in my bag, and one of the popular, chavy girls on the table next to me said that it was like asking a boy why he had a football in his bag, I don't really think those are the same but oh well, anyway that doesn't actually mean anything. I also made my dad take me to the cinema to watch barbie (he said she wasn't assaulted and it was just harassment??) so basically I'm a feminist icon, is what I'm trying to say.

#random #like very very random

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silverhallow · 2 years

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I know edits like this went around months ago but, I thought I should bring it back but in an ask format! If the Bridgerton characters had YouTube channels, what would it be about? 🤓 if you wanna do individual characters or as couples, that’s up to you!

This is a hard one and i've been sat on it a while whilst I've been thinking...

So we're going with sort of Regency characteristics I think so i'm struggling with some of them so i might come back with more but we're going couples...

Kanthony: How to deal with a huge ass family and their drama...

Anthony and Kate just talking about the drama of their idiot siblings, and just giving advice on marriage... Anthony occasionally being swatted by Kate for talking about their sex life when they get questions. Anthony accidentally announces that Kate's pregnant for the second time, before they've told anyone, with an innocent comment when they're talking about Benedict and his drama of looking for his Mystery Lady "perhaps the little bean will be born after all of this drama has passed us over"

Benophie: Domestic Life in the Country / How to deal with an Artist...

Sophie pretty much does their show. She does cooking and cleaning, like a cross between Mrs Hinch/Marie Kondo and Jamie Oliver with her videos. she does step by step recipes and shows how to get the most out food and the space in their house...

but she also films Benedict going through the process of creating his art. his little melt downs and the suitable for children ways she calms him down.

Polin: An Englishman Abroad - A writer's paradise...

this one was rather obvious. they travel together and write about it, the film their reviews of the places they go to eat.

Saphne: Basset Bedlam - Not another Family Blog

Daphne is the ultimate stay at home mum and it's a blog about hints and tips about raising kids. having 4 kids within 4 years it's a hit and she gets her sister's in law involved with it and her adorable nephews and its about raising kids. Useful tips of dealing with tantrums, poonami's and adorable moments of Simon dancing with all three of his daughter's.

they share details of their family life and do monthly Q&A's. Daphne also does a podcast a bit like Gionvanni Fletchers Happy Baby Happy Mum...

Philoise: Plants, Prose and Pressure

it started off as Eloise doing book reviews and talking about the pressures of being a woman in modern society. the demands and the expetations and it's just rants and very much a feministic blog...

She gets Amanda on talking about her favourite book and Oliver talks about his favourite football team.

Eloise films Phillip talking about plants and caring for them one day and is surprised at how well it takes off and when she shows Phillip all the questions in the comments he agrees to do more and it's how the blog continues

Franchel: A Wee Wicked Dram

Mike has a drink review youtube, he talked about his travels and being in India and his cures and treatment for Malaria, he and Phillip do a joint one on the herbal remedies he does.

Mike wanted to change the blog to be a bit more Adult but Fran wasn't having any of it as her mother watched it! (but they do have a secret adult channel on a popular adult site that no-one knows about and they go by pseudo manes of the Count and Countess...)

but Fran likes to review Wine, drink and food and offers up her classy recommendations to go with food. she's a bit of a connoisseur of spirits, cocktails and wine...

Mike loves a review of Whiskey but went viral after Fran switched it out with some Bourbon and he spat it out and ranted for a good two hours about how it wasn't whiskey and never would be.

Grucy: Cheaper not quite by the Dozen.

Greg is the stay at home dad. it's videos of him with all his children, talking men through how to do girl's hair, how to plait and how to raise kids. it's really popular with single dad's and it's tips on saving money when you've got a ridiculous amount of kids.

How to save money, how to bulk cook and videos' on getting 9 kids' lunch ready for school.

it's also a massive nerd zone and he and Lucy do specials and review TV shows dressed as their favourite characters and couples from shows as they watch.

Hyreth: The Mystery Machine

Of course their blog is about modern day crime and mystery stories. Hyacinth documents their attempts to find the lost jewels of the St.Clair family (Which ends up being picked up and adapted for a film)

but she loves Sherlock Holmes type mysteries and gets really involved in the drama and other mysteries, talking about shows and she and Gareth spend time trying to help people solve their own mysteries.

it's also full of fun videos of her ridiculous large family and her most popular video she got all of her family, siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews all involved in a ridiculous tiktok style video.

#ask Ash #Bridgerton's as Youtubers #bridgerton #kanthony #benophie #saphne #philoise #hyreth #grucy #franchel #polin #ask ash

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onewomancitadel · 11 months

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I don't know if this makes the topic of characters having babies touched on again recently better or worse, but I'm going to say it anyway, which is that a) speculating about that late of an endgame is very dependent upon how they choose to end the story and where, and b) heavily character-dependent, particularly for R/WBY. I think that if it's enough of a thematic concern of R/WBY and particularly literally flagged through Ozlem and Raven and Summer (and Tai and Qrow) it's a topic worth thinking about for me. I know a majority of headcanons and fandom beliefs about characters don't tend to touch on this stuff in fandoms such as R/WBY (actually there is a gross tendency to infantilise adult characters - not that having children is the requisite path to being a grown up) but like, as emotionally and politically touchy the topic can be it is... like, a fact of life lol, and symbolically potent.

But equally I think you can read things through the lense of like, a character like Blake I don't see being flagged as having children with Yang, particularly since Yang actually had to move out of the foster mother role and (begin to) heal her own relationships with both of her mothers. I'm sure you could get into the weeds and dispute the White Fang is kind of Blake's baby, and Adam is a vengeful controlling false-father, but that still relates to the whole ~creator and created~ thing going on whether you put it in those terms or not lol. Equally with Ren and Nora, I would say that future development with Nora might even touch on some of this nurturing topic but not in a literal way. The only other character I could see having children in an epilogue is Ruby, but that is more to do with the silver eyes thing and my personal interpretation of Summer, as well as the whole Ozlem thing. But I'm not exaggerating when I say that Jaune/Cinder is basically maybe the example with most 'foreshadowing' in any way for this kind of development. (It would still be... very hard won and need proper development which is why I kind of doubt it).

I think it also being a bit 'out there' because Cinder is evil is actually kind of a point in its favour lol, particularly in contrast to someone like Raven (has a kid -> defects, reversed).

I don't enjoy the ongoing social belief that characters who have children become nonentities and I don't like encountering this idea IRL even amongst ostensible feminists. I think there's a difference between recognising the social sublimation of mothers compared to actually reifying that belief, and antinatalism is a fundamentally absurd position to me (like, it's a joke of a philosophy, but effectively the only conclusion to 'children are bad/mothers aren't people' from a Leftist perspective).

Part of what I personally really enjoy about R/WBY is that characters like Raven and Summer don't stop being characters because they've had children - in fact their story persists well beyond it - and when it comes to characters like Qrow, he actually has the capacity for nurturing (and nurtures) when he doesn't conceive of himself as a positive figure and he succeeds where his team didn't. (This isn't a value judgement on team STRQ; what I am really trying to say is that they all struggle with this concept of parenthood in their own ways, and the most 'unlikely' candidate steps up). The fact that parenthood and children are explored in this persistently nuanced fashion is what makes me comfortable thinking about these sorts of narrative developments lol, especially when it is actually thematically enshrined in the story as well as conceptually (with things like the mother maiden crone triple goddess complex).

But yeah I've received some pretty ugly asks in the past on this topic and encountered some pretty ugly forms of misogyny and generally I think fandom is much more interested in characters being children than adults, or when they're parents it's more of a symbolic thing (think 'team dad/team mum'-esque headcanons) which naturally reifies gender roles anyway. Which is whatever, even if I think it's really weird when they want characters to remain in arrested development (e.g. Emerald and Mercury) when the point is that they're meant to grow beyond that. I think there is an ease and comfort in that which some people want.

This type of topic makes me a bit uncomfortable in general because I'm terrified of someone getting upset with me over it, and with most posts I'm anticipating someone to get mad, but this one makes me particularly anxious (which is why I'm dredging it up again... well done).

I'm sort of trying to say like, hopefully it can be understood I take a humanistic position on the matter, and above all a textually justified one; I still don't think children will necessarily be literal in the ending and for many of the characters it may be totally symbolic, in the way symbolic childhood and adulthood are represented in the story.

I still think the helicopter parenting thing with Jaune was a bit much though, because yeah he really needs to have babies.

#knightfall #reverse ozlem #seraphina ruminates over V9 #rwby9 #you need to go into that scene unspoilered really.

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witchthewriter · 1 year

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Hiya :) Could I get a Level 4 Stranger things ship please <3

She/her, 5’8 with short black hair and a fringe, I have quite a few facial piercings and my style ranges from punk to grunge to hippy, depends on my mood. Im extroverted, being very opinionated, and always have to be doing something, going out and about, but I also love to read especially because i’m studying gender theory and feminist studies. I love grunge, rock, and motown music and my hobbies include writing poetry and stories and collecting crystals. I also love to bake (even if i’m not great at it)! :)

Sorry if that was long lol 💖

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋🌈

Hi lovely! It wasn't long at all! I'm gonna give you a level 5 because you're so awesome xx

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

UM You SCREAAMMM Eddie Munson's perfect gf!!!! I think Eddie would work well with someone who is open-minded, good-hearted and free-thinking, which is exactly you!

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Gives you piggy-back rides EVERYWHERE! He also picks you up and spins you around, making you laugh

"Eddie, put me down, Eddie!"

・Calls you "sweetheart"

"How you going today, sweetheart? Get enough sleep?"

・You and Eddie are practically Dustin's parents, he goes with you everywhere, and often Steve and Robin tag along as well. Okay so maybe Steve is Dustin's parent as well ... So Steve is Dustin's Mum, Eddie his Dad, you his Stepmum and Robin his Aunt (if you want to get into semantics)

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:

↬ Lay All Your Love On Me by Avantasia

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆:

↬ Elusive Chaotic Dumbass With A Heart of Gold x Light-hearted Golden Girl Who Is Endlessly Encouraging

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆:

↬ Secret Admirer (he had such a crush on you, absolutely fawning over you. Little did Eddie know, the little notes he was getting were from you!)

↬ You fell first but he fell harder

𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢

He loves how opinionated you are! You've opened his eyes to a lot of new things, and that's because you stuck to your guns and made him to something he wouldn't normally do by himself.

𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑

You guys would be absolute chaos ... forever giggling, probably some snorting which makes you guys laugh even harder. You can talk for hours and hours (and your parents often remind you TO HANG UP THE PHONE!)

#ships #match ups #open #eddie munson ship #stranger things ship

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papercherries · 18 days

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I've been having strange nightmares recently. I've always been cursed with them, runs in my family. My sister takes medication for hers. My mum believes it's because we can commune with the dead, mediums. I think it's because we all have genetic bipolar disorder and/or crippling depression. We don't talk about this though. We don't talk about anything sensitive. It might be because we are incapable. We all silently know what we all are. Besides me but that's because they haven't found out about my outbursts and my depression. They think I'm just autistic and bisexual. They don't know about the depression, violence, bipolar, therapy, alcoholism (though they must have an inkling of that one) and being gender queer (though they probably have reservations about that as well). We're all fucked up and we continue to fuck up whoever's next.

I don't say this because I hate my family. I do love my family, though it is mostly due to the fact they are my family. I'm very independent, physically and emotionally. I'm always broke but I'm a scrounger. I refuse to ask for money, unless I am truly and utterly desperate. Plus my family doesn't have any money to begin with.

My sister has recently had a baby. I can't stand children and for a long while I couldn't stand my sister. (For context, I have two sisters. One older and one younger). After my mum cheated on my dad and left us, she took up a lot of the "maternal responsibility". The issue was, she had no reason to do this. She would disagree, but I was old enough to do my own stuff and so was my younger sister. She took on way too much responsibility, not to mention her workaholic nature. Her mode of existence truly depresses me. She is incredibly smart, yet I have never met such a fool in my life. I don't mean it in the "smart person has no common sense" sense. I mean it in squandered potential, she could've had a life. Got out of that shithole of a town, (our shithole of a town) she could've experienced the world. However, she has now chose to settle, with someone she will divorce/break up with in a matter of less than a decade. (If they make it further than that though, I'll be genuinely impressed). Because, whilst I believe that a relationship can flower and bloom despite political beliefs. She is a steadfast feminist, not a ground-breaking one mind you but a supporter of the women's liberation movement and the procurement of women's rights in general. Her fiancé is a military man trump supporter. His achievements in the military are impressive, I'll give him that. But it's impressive in the same way that a punching bag can only take so many punches. He is strangely timid and shy. He is also an idiot. You could replace him with any fool. I hear he's quite good at chess though. I've been advised not to get into political conversation with him. My dad said I'd "wipe the floor with him". Which I'm not sure how to take as I believe political discussion should be lead with empathy in mind. The feeling for your fellow human, the replacement of numbers with faces. Does he truly not understand what he stands for politically? Follow masked men with faceless crowds?

The point being, this baby is being birthed into this incredibly complex situation. It will grow around this mangled set of people with destroyed brains and warped ideas. Is it up to me as a human being to teach this child about different perspectives? Am I the queer relative that has to be awkwardly explained about? We haven't had that yet. Must I teach this child about media literacy and how to truly enjoy life? Or do I only feel this responsibility because I know the environment to which it will grow. I know it is cruel and callous. I hope it is different, because my mind is just as warped as theirs, if not more. We have no scale. It is incredibly scary, I won't be around to do it anyway. I always have to be away, I can't deal with that town for more than a couple days anymore. It was once hell, I now see faces I used to know wandering the streets. People who went away, failed and came back. I refuse. I cannot commit to such a thing. I will fail. It is certain. But I will not return, I will scrounge and steal till my last breath. But it will not be on those spiked streets, where the local government is stealing and thieving. With no help from the major government as they continue building their concrete, brutalist jungles.

I hope the child at least misses out on the nightmares. It seems like a thing only me and my younger sister get but I don't know my older sister well enough to have that information. I got used to mine, my sister clearly didn't. I'm not sure my sister sees things though. I imagine she does sometimes but I dare not ask her. I'd sound crazy, "hey, do you have hallucinations as well! No way! Must be a genetic thing". My most recent nightmare was quite silly, I was at a music festival. The whole crowd got up on stage to dance and sing with the performers. Afterwards, I went and sat on a hill. As I left, a guy who was sat next to me tried to mug me. I woke up, laughed cause I had got a text saying I'd entered my overdraft. and went back to sleep.

There's always periods where I have strange and vivid dreams. There's usually a theme, this weak they're nightmares. Next week they could be otherworldly sexual fantasies. Though I never hallucinate anything other than ominous things. Dark figures and haunting sounds. Though, there is one sound that I hear everywhere. A small bell. This one has nothing to do with horror but rather conditioning. I had a cat in my hometown (she's still my little baby) and she used to wear a collar with a bell. I'd always hear it and it always would set me off. It's the same reason I'm a heavy sleeper, till I hear the meow of a cat. Then I'm up immediately. It's like a babies cry to me. However, the bells have gotten worse after Christmas. This is due to me getting a cat for where I currently live. A lovely little black kitten, fitted with a red collar and bell. Mostly because you can't see her in the dark so it's best to be able to hear her. My dad's girlfriend had slippers with bells on them and every time she'd walk or even nudge her feet. I'd hear a bell and my head would snap to wherever it came from. It was almost instinctual.

Anyway, my film rant and emotional rant are done for the day. I am tired. It is past my bedtime. I must sleep, though it's not my fault the clocks went forward an hour.

#creative writing #spilled thoughts #writing

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marmorenshud · 3 years

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how come when other women dream of being a man to do powerful things they are "feminist" and "say a lot abt our society" but whenever I do it I'm "transgender" and "need to transition"

#I dream of being a man #This is a JOKE pls don't cancel me #Caw #I was just thinking abt how I always see ppl being funny abt realizing ur a trans woman but I never see any fun memes abt daydreaming abt #Being a man #And like maybe that's just bc trans women are over represented compared to trans men but #But then I started thinking abt whenever I've heard women say #Its always like some Sylvia plath kinda thing where they're like I wish I had the privileges of manhood #And I was like hey... Joke time #Assigned feminist at birth #Mum... Dad... I'm a feminist #Trans jokes #Trans shit posting

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cubeg1rl · 6 years

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I keep thinking of tattoos I want but like... I won't get them for a while though. I like them but it always feels like too much $$$$ to me

#rn i'm want a big cool demon w a sword #we played a lot of like retro magic and fighting fantasy books and d&d and whatnot when i was young #all that kinda junk rewally reminds me of my dad who i'm very close to #i want to get something for mum too but i'm not sure #some kind of witchy thing maybe? based on her giving me a witch name for like #mythological 'evil woman' feminist symbol reasons #which uhh i love thank you ma #but you know i'm not sure what that'd be cos a lot of that imagery is kinda trite for tats #i could get garlic for mum tbh #also i really want a capricorn tattoo because it's my best friend's sign #and i think uhh goat fish looks cool as #and some plants and bugs and whatnot i think would be cool #i think my bee tattoo is a bit generic rn tho i like it #so if i have like a couple more bugs going on #i think that would cast it in a cooler light

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chuuae · 2 years

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##𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀 , a character analysis involving for the tainted sorrow and an autumn poem.

WARNING !! this analysis will contain spoilers for the bungou stray dogs manga. it will also discuss topics such as domestic abuse, death, smoking, alcoholism, suicide, and mental illness. please do not read if you feel uncomfortable with any of these themes.

DISCLAIMER !! this is not for the purpose of romanticising, shaming, or otherwise glamourising mental illnesses. please take this from someone who also suffers from mental illness. i am merely attempting to analyse. also, i'm not trying to assign each chuuya a sexuality, but i'm literally just going off the poems and what i observe so ...

note. i worked pretty hard on this, and i'm very happy with it. please like or reblog if you can, i would greatly appreciate it. please, share your thoughts on chuuya as well !! he's my favourite if you can't tell- and also fun fact chuuya's bday is the 29th of april, and mine is the 28th !! it's a sign !!!

The poet Nakahara Chuuya [中原中也] was born on the 29th of April in 1907, and died young in 1937 from tuberculosis. He wrote highly symbolic, mostly short poems, that were inspired by his struggles with mental illness and other personal troubles. He was said to be mostly quiet withdrawn and shy in his early life, mostly keeping to himself, though he branched out in rebellion of his strict parents later and made friends with other literary and entertainment figures.

Asagiri Kafka has adapted him into a character in the Bungou Stray Dogs animanga, a Port Mafia executive slash host of a Japanese god of the same name. This character is sarcastic and fairly quick to anger, noticeably short, and has a fond appreciation for high-quality alcohol.

I would like to contrast the author and character of Nakahara Chuuya, also analysing his poems, in the hopes of creating a comprehensive understanding of who he was.

BPhysically, it's easy to say that real-life Chuuya and BSD Chuuya look both similar and different. Comparably, they are both quite short [some sources stated the poet to be only five feet tall] and had a fondness for hats that they nearly constantly wore. Both are young if we, say, compared them at the peak of Chuuya's life and the current BSD arc, and are well-off in some aspects.

However, there's the obvious difference of BSD Chuuya having his long orange hair, whereas real Chuuya had more understated regular dark hair. Additionally, one of them has the ability to manipulate gravity, has committed hundreds of 'crimes' including manslaughter, and hosts a deity named Arahabaki in their body, and the other ... does not.

In all honesty, it initially seems like the character of Chuuya has taken little more than his name, stature, vague fashion sense, and ability from his namesake, but then I conducted a little more research and realised that they were actually far more similar than I had realised, but this requires a more in-depth look into both of their pasts.

Historical Nakahara Chuuya was somewhat of a miracle birth – born after six years of attempts by his parents [who I'm mostly sure were feminists because his dad took his mum's name of Nakahara] in an at-the-time childless town named Yamaguchi, a cause for great successful. His family was quite prominent, with his father being a successful doctor, meaning that Chuuya was expected to become one from childhood. To summarise, his family forced that expectation upon him, forbidding him from playing with children of a "lower class'"and forcing him to undergo an immensely strict education with punishments as harsh as being made to sleep in the barn if he disobeyed. He would even be burnt with a lit cigarette if "prompted", and not even allowed to play in rivers and such for fear that he would drown. Physical abuse followed him from that incredibly young age, leading to a distrust and hatred of his family.

In the same way, manga Chuuya's un-ideal childhood shaped him up to who he became as an adult. He started off life happy, with two ordinary parents, but when he was merged with Arahabaki at the age of seven, he lost his memories, his ordinary childhood, and any sense of support and love for a long time. Notably, this is around the same time that real Chuuya's hellish education began. The parallel to that was the expectation of being a leader to the Sheep, and the "abuse" of living in poverty in his formative years. Once he was taken into the Port Mafia, however, he lost even more of what could be considered a "regular childhood", and was then expected to shelter himself in the same way after becoming an executive. Both were also named "prodigies", and expected to hold to that degree of perfection.

Additionally, a catalyst event that caused them both to lead a path rebelling against the way they'd begun their lives. In both cases, it was by losing someone – real Chuuya's younger brother passed away when he was eight, driving him by grief to discover and compose literature. At thirteen, his poetry was discovered, the same year he entered Junior High and began to rebel against his father in neglecting his studies and classes. For manga Chuuya, it's difficult to say what his catalyst event was, but I think it was most likely losing himself to Arahabaki and then losing most of the people who came into his life after that point.

From that point onwards, in essence, Nakahara Chuuya did his best to disappoint his parents in failing his exams, even though he would receive those harsh punishments each time he did. To him, independence and free will were more important than getting hurt, which is evident in Bungou Stray Dogs as well. This finally led to him being freed from the oppression of his harsh parents, and he was able to study what he wanted, do what he wanted [drink a lot of alcohol and write poetry] and essentially be free.

If I were to cast the greatest similarity between author and character, it would have to be their determination in getting through whatever they suffered. Both of these men were faced with death when they were children, then manipulated by those they wanted to care about, and forced to endure an incredible amount of mental-illness-inducing trauma. And yet, both found outlets [whether it be poetry or combat] to deal with their pain and sadness, and both ultimately got through the most difficult times in their lives and found something to give them purpose. It's perhaps this trait that I admire the most, along with their compassion and love for those close to them.

There is, furthermore, the actual nature of Nakahara Chuuya's poetry. Those following Bungou Stray Dogs would of course know For the Tainted Sorrow, which is a poem on the nature of sorrow or pain, and clearly bears very personal suffering within the lines. One stanza really reminded me of Soukoku [Double Black/Chuuya and Dazai] – For the tainted sorrow, has no desires or wishes; For the tainted sorrow, In langour dreams of death. Chuuya wasn't able to have anything for himself, and he felt tainted by Arahabaki's inhabitance of his body, whereas Dazai wanted death so fervently he was willing to commit suicide. The emotional fragility of Chuuya's poetry is something that also lingers under manga Chuuya's exterior as well, and is one of the most enticing parts of the character.

However, my favourite of Chuuya's poems is one called An Autumn Poem, in three suites. It also led me to believe that he may have had feelings for other men, as it, a) reminded me very strongly again of Dazai, and b) is written like my lovesick poetry. The essence of the poem is the narrator [Chuuya] is very close to a man who he feels is dying, but doesn't know if the man is aware of this. The man is very eccentric and says some strange things [they're a lot like what Dazai would say], and there is some affection from Chuuya towards him. And I, you know, would watch him from this angle. Staring after it, that yellow butterfly – even doing something as innocuous as butterfly watching, Chuuya was admiring this man, with this pure, strong emotion in the poetry, that I find absolutely captivating.

How strange we are before we die … that was Chuuya's final line about the man, and perhaps my favourite of all his poetry. Nakahara Chuuya died young after he'd been able to free himself and write what he wished. In some ways, perhaps the transferral of his personality into Bungou Stray Dogs wasn't as carbon-copy-like as Dazai's, but I found it to be the most interesting. The most important parts of Chuuya as observed by Asagiri are the most fascinating parts of his character, and this comparison is entirely underrated.

#%fae's.essays.#bungou stray dogs #bsd #analysis #bungou stray dogs analysis #bsd analysis #chuuya #nakahara chuuya #chuuya analysis #nakahara chuuya analysis

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awesomefringey · 2 years

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Gotta preface this by saying this is just my reading of the situation, and I don’t know that any of this is actually true, but it’s what makes sense in my mind.

Would it be a good time to attach herself to Jason again now that he’s so popular?

First off, I think their break up was real. I know a lot of people feel it was contrived to make room for Holivia, but I actually think their separation was the catalyst for the idea of the stunt, so it was never actually a question of who it would be best to be attached to but rather how can they both (J and O) make the best (PR) out of their separation. (Because let’s not forget, though Ted Lasso was already doing well, if you add the “I’m broken hearted but still such a good dad while my ex is traipsing around with her boy toy” narrative, you end up winning everyone’s sympathy.)

The reason I think this is because it doesn’t really make sense for Olivia to be Harry’s stunting partner. She’s supposed to be in the backend of the movie, not the face of it. Florence is the face of it (and a fantastic face, given her recent performances, she is the new A list, and it was stupid of Olivia to even try and overtake that) but Florence is very publicly with Zach Braff (and I also suspect said “hell fucking no” to a stunt). But, as we’ve seen with Olivia’s stunting history, she takes every single opportunity to stunt when she can, and the only reason it stopped was because of her relationship with Jason. This is just the way she does her PR, she doesn’t have any other tricks up her sleeve.

But specifically, I think she saw a prime opportunity to weasel her way into the spotlight when Harry was cast in place of Shia (because can you imagine Olivia stunting with Shia? I can’t.)

Basically, I think she was set on taking on the Badass Boss Babe Feminist Director (given the acclaim of Booksmart) up until her and Jason decided to split (has Olivia ever publicly been single? Idk.) and she saw both an opportunity and a need to rebrand herself as Still Hot, Still Young, Still Desirable, Still as Much of a Star as Florence via Harry.

She just didn’t foresee his fan base hating not quite warming up to her as she’d hoped.

Hey nonnie, your comment is super interesting. Thank you for sharing. (Coming from this post)

I think a lot will agree with you about O&J actually having broken up, but waiting for a well placed timing for the public statement.

And OMG you're totally right, Olivia has a thing for ending up in the press for flirting with her co-stars.

... After they were spotted dancing and flirting in L.A., a source told Us that the In Time costars “were obviously a couple or on a date.”

...US revealed that June that The Words costars were “definitely hooking up.”

Can I imagine Shia and Olivia hooking up rumors? Absolutely! Have you seen Shia's "dating his co-star for a movie" history?

You could be right about Olivia hoping to rebrand and revamp her "she can have them all" turned "MILF" turned "cougar" turned "I'm still looking 20 and can date younger" image with Harry.

I guess she felt very progressive, coming out of a relationship as a single mum, aspiring a new career and still managing to grab the rockstar everybody wants their hands on.

If she hadn't turned into a faceless (literally with her face fully covered for most of the stunt LOL) non-personality, non-identity of a woman who robotically carries a LOT tote bag around London, it would have been a bit more bearable to sit through the shit show. Like we know the drill...

I will never understand why a mid 30 year old woman would willingly make herself another Emipaigtaydallmille? Why not try to be different and a damn adult about it? I'm so embarrassed. Female to female embarrassed. Adult to adult embarrassed. Business woman to business woman embarrassed.

#ask #holivia #how to spot a pr stunt #pick me girl behavior

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autisticandroids · 3 years

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if we're still doing coming out stories I consider mine a pretty funny one! so my Backstory is that I'm autistic, my dad left when I was a little kid and he was absent even before he officially left, so I was raised by my mum and my sister (older by 11 years) who are both very feminist (my mum veering towards radfem but my sister has moved towards more intersectional (?) feminism) and my sister is bi. This resulted in. uh. well. when I first learned that it was possible to not be straight I was 10 and another kid was telling me that she was bi. I learned that it meant you could be attracted to any gender my immediate thought was "oh cool! well it would be sexist to not be attracted to girls so I'm bi :)" and I came out to my whole class that year then got my hair cut short first year of middle school and got called slurs that made me very annoyed since they weren't even the right ones (turns out I'm trans so. yeah those were the right slurs actually. how do middleschoolers do that? I had the Karen haircut, how did they Know?) and I've been going back and forth for years on whether that I'm actually bi since I learned that attraction is not a choice but I still have a whole bunch of shame over the possibility of being exclusively attracted to men bcus it feels like it's Betraying The Cause Of Social Justice™ to not be attracted to women way more. so I'd love to say I've moved past the point of "it'd be sexist to not be attracted to women so :) I'm bi :)" but. well. I'm still working on it.

insane!

#ok this is the last one guys for real #asks #Anonymous

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pebblysand · 2 years

Text

simon says.

tw: domestic violence.

title: simon says by allie x

not fanfic.

you say: i guess you know why i'm calling? i sigh. i think so, yes. you say: he hit the wall. i ask: how close to her face? you say: close enough.

you tell me he called her a cunt and a whore. there is the sound of your breath on the line. a buzzer that goes off. you get into your building, open the door, walk up the stairs. i say nothing. i have nothing to say. you tell me: you always were a good judge of character and i tell you: annie, i never wanted to be.

i talk about: two weeks ago, the things she told me. the things i told her. the things i blame myself for telling her and the things i blame myself for not telling you. i thought you'd think i was being paranoid, i admit. you say: oh, boo.

i tell you: i should have been more patient. i roll my eyes at the memory of my face in the mirror of the pub we were in, lined up with bottles of liquor behind the bar. i add: it's just that we've been here before. i'm exhausted and i confess to you that i did tell her: for fuck's sake, love, we've been here before. pointed out that: all on her own, without our help, she'd recognised all the signs. with a glass of wine in my hand i asked: what do you want me to tell you here? that i think you should leave him? you won't. i know you won't. you won't listen to a word that comes out of my mouth because you think i don't understand.

love, i think that maybe, i do not understand.

now, i tell you i feel bad. like a bad feminist and a bad friend. i pointless try to justify: my ability to act and my inability to counsel. you tell me not to be so harsh on myself.

you say: i could have talked to her, too. i just didn't think it would last. i say nothing. you add: you never liked him. i add: i wish he could be liked.

you tell me: i feel like we're back where we started. in school, you remember? i didn't think we'd be dealing with this again, i thought she'd understood. you pour yourself a glass of water; i hear the tap and the flow against the bottom of your sink, cut off later by the bottom of a container. you wait; it stops. i hear your breath against my ear again.

why does it keep happening? you ask. because her dad used to throw plates at her mum's face, i answer. i am tired. i do cheap psychology when i'm tired, not explanations about the cycle of abuse. i sit on the sofa and pull my knees up to my chest. on the tv, tiger king is paused. i have a date tomorrow and i suddenly don't want to go. i add: because she thinks it's normal. i listen to you drink.

you tell me: she said he just got angry. that maybe it was just a one-off.

i say: annie.

i remember: being nineteen and scared. scared for her - more than her own mother. thinking: i will never forgive myself if - and the sentence left unfinished. i remember: being twenty and holding her wrist in one hand and my phone in the other. i pushed the door open. she cried. i remember the thump of my heart when he blocked our way. it was loud, strong, but not rushing, steady with the adrenaline. you think you're the hero? he asked. i said: she's leaving. she did.

and now, i say: tell me if i need to come home. tell me if i need to come home and i will be on a plane. i will be her guns if i can't be the voice of reason in her head. i will drag her out of that house if i have to. i will call the cops if i have to. i will shoot him in the head if i have to. we both know: it is all true. you say: you don't need to come home. not yet, anyway. i nod like you can see me and i stay awake at night with those words in my head.

i think: i can't do this again, annie. neither of us will admit it, but i suspect you are thinking the same. i can't do this again and yet, we both know that we both will, like we know we would stand in front of trains to protect each other. i tell you about this friend of mine who said: she's just your friend, she's a grown-up, you're not her mother. it's not your problem. i hear your smile into the receiver and you observe: i know. most people don't understand. but us three, we only have each other. we'll always be each other's problem. i read this now a couple hours later and think that sounds terribly co-dependent. i almost hear you laugh: you think?

in the end, you ask: can you call her? don't tell her i told you. i sigh: she'll lie to me. she knows what i'll say if she tells me the truth. you say: well, then we'll know. how bad it is, i mean. if she lies to you. i look down at the fabric of my couch and it feels like it is slowly disintegrating under my weight. collapsing, in torn shreds. i'll call her, yeah, i say.

but: i don't know what i'll say.

#creative writing #writing #spilled ink #personal #tw: dv #names have been changed #sometimes i just need to write things

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bowieemeddow · 4 years

Text

TRINITY. (Queen Fanfiction)

Part 1 // Runaway.

Summary: Margaret McCullugh comes to the realisation that her life is a total mess. After an argument she realises she’s had enough; she grabs her bags and runs away.

Note:Hi guys this is the first chapter of my new fanfiction. I’m not the best writer and this is my first time so please go easy on me; there will be grammar and spelling mistakes throughout this chapter. Feedback will be greatly appreciated 🙂

Warnings; Swearing, sexual assault, bad writing, slight Scottish slang (I’m from Scotland and I write the way I talk sorry 😉✌🏻)

Enjoy.

Thursday // May 1970

"I've never wanted to punch him in the face more in my life than at this point of time." I thought to myself as I glared at him across the dining table. Even from what felt like a mile away; I could still see that smug look on his Greg's face.

"Margret! Are you even listening to me?" I tore my focus from my bastard of a step father to my bastard of a mother. "You'll be meeting Thomas next thursday remember. To talk about arrangements."

Ah Thomas Russel. Son to a millionaire family; him being a successful doctor in the making at 22 and is apparently a distant relative of some foreign royal family (to be fair I wasn't listening to the shit leaving my mothers mouth)

The cherry on top of it all; I've never actually met the boy and I'm his fiancé.

"Poor Thomas." Gina; my younger sister mumbled under her breath while eating her dinner.

"Mind your own business you little shit!" I spat kicking her harshly under the table. Believe me I know this makes me look bad but I promise you I'm not a bad sister; I was actually excited when I found out I had another sibling on the way. I loved her even when she was a newborn. It was when she started talking; she turned into a sneaky little bully and mummy's favourite.

"That's enough don't you dare kick your sister again!" She snapped at me.

I cringed at my mothers comment; more because of the way she said it. Trying to act as posh as possible; trying to mask the natural Glaswegian accent she's had her whole life; the same thick apparently "rough" accent I also have yet Gina never developed it as bad as me, my dad had the rough accent and I was a daddy’s girl... before he left us.

"Why do I have to marry him. I didn't him pick him, hell I haven't even met him! Marrying me off to becoming nothing but a trophy wife? Fully dependable on my husband with a big empty house full of loads of children. Nothing to do except cooking and cleaning-"

"Can we please change the topic?! I don't feel like sending you upstairs again." My mum sighed

"Oh mother!" Gina exclaimed making me jump; her bloody voice goes right through me.

"This dinner is absolutely amazing!" I chuckled to myself quietly, Gina is so far up mums arse it's embarrassing.

"Thank you darling I made it myself."

Yeah right did she make this shit, she doesn't even know how to use the stove, it was the cook that made it. All of it is vegan since "meat is the reason why your acne is so bad and you've starting to lose that figure Margaret, you simply don't take proper care of yourself."

“Oh god I forgot! I was meant to take you bra shopping today.” Mum informed Gina

“But she’s only 13 mum. I never got my first bra till I was 15?” I argued, Gina got everything she wanted without having to even lift a finger.

“You should go with them Margaret. You wear too small a bra better go up a size sweets." He smirked away as he took a drink of his wine that's likely more expensive than everything I own.

At that point I was so pissed off I grabbed the closest thing to me which was a potato from my plate funnily enough and threw it at his head. If I wasn’t so pissed off I think would’ve found it difficult to keep a straight face.

Friday// May 1970

While sitting in period 7 English I thought back to last night.

After successfully hitting Greg's big head with a potato for his inappropriate comment about his step daughter's breasts; Mum took his side and got sent upstairs without eating anything for the rest of the night; not like I wanted to eat any of that shit anyway.

"God he's so cute!" The girl next to me squealed to her friends who were both in front of her; their chairs turned from their tables to form a circle that I was sadly apart of. I wasn friends with the three girls; Tracey, Yasmine and Gemma were the popular girls, the best housewives in the making.

I looked down at the newspaper which Tracey had in her hands, it was crumpled up due to her "fan girl" moment taking over her senses.

"The Gregory Special." The newspaper was called;

Only rich wankers read it.

"Thomas Russel is ready to settle down but who's the lucky girl?"

It said with a picture of the boy himself below it . Wasn't his best picture; he was probably flirting with some random girl in while the photo was being taken.

"So who is the bitch huh?" Gemma spat as Tracey read away at the newspaper trying to figure it out.

"YOU! Mrs Reynolds wants to see you in her office.” My English teacher shouted pointing at me it made the three girls jump back to their original spots as if they were actually listening to the lesson.

Shit what have I done now; I usually lose track at this point.

While putting my things in my bag I looked over at the three girls to see them scanning back through the newspaper frantically to find out who the "lucky woman" was.

I accidentally let out a chuckle of sympathy which caught their attention.

“I’m sorry, is there something you want to say?” Jemma snapped.

"Yeah I do actually since you three can't read for shit. Page 24." I sassed back and waited a moment.

"Margaret McCullugh? Who the bloody hell is that?!" I rolled my eyes at the stupidness.

"Margaret McCullugh. Now." My teacher shouted across the classroom which I nodded to standing up and grabbing my bag and coat with a grin on my face.

The three girls had their mouths wide open once they put two and two together; it was me.

"Bye girls." I whispered chuckling while leaving the classroom.

...

"Please tell me you are joking Miss McCullugh?" Mrs Reynolds pleaded with me

"What's wrong with what I want to do once I leave here?" I argued back.

"Your mother is a politician; she could bloody well be the prime minister in a several years time. How is she gonna get there with her child wanting to do.... textile design?" She gagged at the though of me becoming something that wasn't a doctor or lawyer.

"Why does it fucking matter anyway I can't even do what I want. My mums already set up my whole life." I argued back slouching in my seat with my arms crossed over my chest.

Fuck being ladylike.

"Ah your talking about your engagement with Thomas Russel. Your mother wants you to just be okay, she's worked hard for where she is right now and it was a risky thing she done to get there. She doesn't want you taking any risks when you go onto be a politician or a lawyer-"

"Or a textile design artist." I corrected for her not giving in to her manipulation.

"Margaret I know you okay. Through these past 6 years that you've been in this school you've been very strong willed and feministic attitude to social issues and topics."

"Damn right-"

"But I'm sorry to burst your bubble but this is a patriarchal society we are living in. Woman will not change society. Ever."

I was beyond pissed at this moment of time. I shot up off my seat and slammed down both my hands on her desk in order to shut her up.

"Fucking watch me then!”

...

Saturday // May // 1970

"Hey chickadee." Tana smiled as she came into one of the private rooms of the pub, she lifted my feet and plopped herself next to me in the booth then put my feet back down to they were resting on her lap.

"Hi." I said stretching slightly as I shut my notebook over immediately and set it down on the table.

Tana was probably one of my only friends at this point of time; the moment she turned 19 she was allowed to decorate her parents bar; to which she called me up and asked to borrow my creative mind for help. Before it was just an old looking bar where young ones likes to hang out; now it was a modern neon, rock music bar.

"Glam Rock" it was called and it was placed in a more poverty ridden area of Glasgow. If my mum found out I was here I'd get murdered.

Every Saturday night people from everywhere would come here and celebrate a new "generation" as they called it.

"This new rock generation is gonna grow everywhere. Where men dress like women and women dress like men. Completely and utterly flamboyant!" I remember Tana saying to me when I first came across this bar; it was a Saturday morning and she was getting ready for a party. I was here because I was trying to find the record shop since they sell limited editions for half off.

"We just need someone to spread Glam Rock to every corner of the world."

"HELLO EARTH TO MARGARET!" She shouted snapping her fingers in front of me.

"Huh?" I said snapping back to reality.

"I said were you writing something?" She said pointing to my notebook, I didn't answer yet again because I was too busy admiring what she was wearing.

"For fuck sake! Have you took something?" She laughed trying to get my attention again.

"Sorry, sorry just had a long day. Thinking about what kind of punishment I'll get this time once I make my way home." I chuckled

"Anyways what did you say again?"

"Writing songs... oh and you've also got your camera."

"When am I not writing songs or taking photos Tana?" I said sitting up to grab my vodka and lemonade and down it.

"That's very true. So, let's see what photos you took." She said as she pulled off her slip on heels so she could fold them in a basket.

I put down the two photos I took on the table.

"Have you got a pen." I asked her as she admired the photos.

"Umm.. yeah I think somewhere in they drawers." She said turning her head to the left to show me where it was.

"This bar does look fucking amazing, you have to admit it."

"It's because I decorated it Tana. I hate to toot my own horn here but I'm fucking brilliant at decorating." I laughed as I took one of the photos and wrote the location and date behind it; then done the same with the other.

"You're good at everything you do it does my head in." Tana complained with a groan as she ran her fingers through her black long curly hair.

"I'm not."

"You are. You can paint, you create these amazing clothes, you can play the piano like no one else. You're an amazing singer..." my smile dropped as I grabbed both the photos from Tana's grip and stuck them in my bra for safekeeping before sticking the the pen back in the drawer; the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop, or more like you could here me slamming the drawer shut.

"Maggie-"

"I'm not a singer." I said interrupting her.

"Correction, your mum says your not a singer. But frankly love, you're the best singer I've ever heard. You should join a band."

"That'll never happen."

....

Sunday // May 1970

Walking up the driveway of my massive house barefoot with my heels in my hand, my make up and hair a mess I knew I was in for it.

I accidentally fell asleep at Tana's last night and now it's 8am in the morning.

I walked in the house and shut the door behind me.

"MARGARET BEATRIX MCCULLUGH!" I heard my mum screech as the sound of her heels became louder and louder.

"God don't say my middle name." I cringed with my face scrunched up; a massive migraine was starting to take its toll on me.

"Where were you?" She shrieked once again; I'm starting to see stars with how bad my freaking headache is. It's way to bright in this house.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep at Tana's I should've called you it's my mistake I won't let it happen again."

One thing to know about me; when I'm in the wrong I apologise.

One thing to know about my mum; she throws my apology right back in my face and calls me immature.

"TANAS!" She started to trail behind me as I clumsily made my way up the stairs to my bedroom door. Once I reached the door I got an overwhelming feeling that I was about to vomit so I stopped for a moment to calm myself down.

I leaned my forehead against the cool marble that the whole house was made from to cool myself down.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU! NO GOING TO ROCK GLAM, NO DRINKING, NO KISSING RANDOM GIRLS OR BOYS."

She caught a glimpse at my notebook; purple velvet and green floral exterior. She knew exactly what it was and snatched it from my hand.

"Hey!-"

"AND NO MAKING SONGS. NO SINGING SONGS I TOLD YOU NOT TO SING OR WRITE THEY DIRTY LYRICS."

I snatched the book from her and held it right to my chest. This book was my lyrics, my ideas, my thoughts, feeling. My whole life.

"ITS CALLED ROCK MUM! Get with the times, it's the Beatles that are popular now, not fucking hymns." I snapped as I walked into my room. Before I got the chance to shut the door over she was already invading my space.

"I don't give a shit what it's called. Stop it okay! That part of your life is over. It's time to grow up and face reality. You are engaged-"

"I'm not marrying him you can fuck right off." I looked at her through my full length mirror as she walked up to me. Her expensive heels clicking against my flooring as she walked closer to me.

"You're an ungrateful human being you know that. I found you a man; a millionaire who can take care of you for life you won't have to work a day in your life-"

"Yeah that's what I'll do, I'll go right ahead and marry a man I don't marry so that I'll birth all his kids and be his perfect dumb trophy wife for life. You worked hard to get where you are, why can't I work hard in something I wane you do. I don't need a man to do that." I said smothered in sarcasm making my mother roll her eyes.

"You and your bloody pride. Here's the real world Margaret; a woman's purpose main purpose in life is to get married and as the bible preached, have children. You'll never be anything different." She spat.

"You're going to the Russel's household on Thursday morning for you to plan the wedding with your fiancé with a big bloody smile on your face you hear me?"

I chuckled softly as I walked up so our faces our almost touching; her Chanel No.5 tickling my nose.

"I'd love to see you try." I spat in her face. I suddenly gasped as her hand connected with my cheek forcing my face to the side as my cheek started to warm up almost instantly.

"I hate you, you're not my daughter you know! I should've aborted you when I had the chance you know that! If it killed me oh well, as long AS YOU WHERE NEVER BORN." She screamed in my face, she turned to leave my room to meet Greg leaning against the door frame.

"Are you okay Darling?" Greg asked my mum; his voice all sweet and soft making my scoff and roll my eyes.

She ignored him and left in anger.

"Would you get the fuck out of my room?!" I asked, his head snapped from watching my mum as she made her way down the landing and down the stairs to me.

"Seems you need to be put in your place a bit huh?" He asked as he walked up to me, so close to my face I could feel his breath hit my skin.

"I don't see the bad thing about being a trophy wife Sweets? You'd be a damn good one anyway."He chuckled as he looked at me up and down licking his lips. His hands were resting on my arse ready to give it a spank. A sudden spur of anger and confidence caused me to push him back.

"Touch me again and I swear I'll rip your tongue out."

"You don't have the guts." He simply said before leaving the room.

He's right I didn't have the guts, I didn't have the guts to go to the police and ruins my mother's career that she worked so hard for when it got out to the media that her husband is a child molester.

So Ive kept my mouth shut for years.

I feel hot years fill my eyes, I take a long deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down while looking up at the ceiling to try and stop the crying; I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

That's when I found myself packing a suitcase, grabbing my passport, some money I had. A couple of outfits to keep me going two or three weeks.

I grabbed my notebook, my Polaroid camera and my box full of Polaroid's and squashed it all into one massive suitcase.

I had to leave the rest so I could move quickly.

___

An hour later my family left to go out for lunch without me. I sat at the window and watched them leave.

I watched them get smaller smaller until eventually I couldn't seem them at all.

I would never see them again.

I grabbed my suitcase, grabbed the keys to my mums car and fucked off out of there with the intention of never returning again.

_____

I just had to put Harry Styles in there somewhere.

Sorry not sorry 🤪😩

#ben hardy #joe mazzello imagine #queen blurb #queen headcannon #queen imagines #queen fanfiction #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor #brian may #john deacon #bohemian rhapsody #borhap fanfic

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longsleeves-and-wetdreams · 6 years

Text

You make living feel like I'm drowning, and I believed you when you told me I was holding the weights, but it was you, all along it has been you.

I looked up to you so much growing up, you were my dad, you were my hero and I knew you were going to protect me. Little did I know that it was all a lie, you aren't my dad, but instead a man that took his place, and although I'm grateful someone did, I can never love you for what you put me through after I found out. No one deserves what you did. You think that screaming at someone and reminding them if every little mistake they have ever made will make someone understand that what they did was wrong but all it did was make me hate myself more. You belittled me in the way you spoke to me and in the way you used my biological father as a way to hurt me more.

I grew up thinking that there was something wrong with me, that I deserved the verbal abuse because I made my biological father leave. That what he was going to do to mum and me was my fault. For years I wanted nothing more than to stop existing because I knew it would make mum happier because you and me wouldn't be fighting all the time. I grew up thinking I was better off dead, because you blamed me for everything that went wrong at home.

I grew up with you constantly telling me I might as well give up because I was never going to make it in the real world, and that I would never achieve anything. You said this because when it came to subject selections, I dropped all math and science related subjects for design subjects. You fought with me because you didn't believe me when I said they were subjects I love and that I wanted to make a career out of. Instead you accused me of choosing the "easier subjects". For years you have used me as your own verbal punching bag. You have permanently impacted my life in such a negative way.

I did everything I could to change myself to make you happy. So I'd be the the perfect daughter for you, but then when you told me that my family was better off without me, I realised you never wanted a daughter, no of course not, I was just an unwanted extra.

But you might think that's I'm just going to curl up in a ball and give up. But your so damn wrong. Instead I have used your negativity to fuel my motivation to succeed in life so that one day I can stand up and show you that I'm more than the pain you made me feel.

Instead of doing a half ass job at school like you expected me to, I've turned my C- into A's and made the possibilities of my future limitless. This still wasn't enough for you of course, because I had picked easier subjects, and that schools have to go easier on kids these days, or they might kill themselves because we've been raised to be sensitive, to which I couldn't even give a response because I couldn't believe the words that just came out of your foul mouth.

You tell me that being a feminist is a waste of time, but I chose to put my all into it because I'm sick of being told that all I'm good for is having children, or that rape is just something that happens and I'm lucky if it doesn't happen to me, and that I should appreciate it when a guy and his mates wolf whistle me and make foul comments because they think I'm hot.

I have found the best group of people that help me strive for my goals and love and care for me more than you ever could. They have helped me see that there is so much to live and look forward to and I shouldn't let one person stop me from achieving my dreams.

I've found a boy that cares for me and is slowly helping me learn to love myself and realise that the world is an absolutely beautiful place. He makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry and I love him to death for it.

So thank you for putting me through all this pain, because I’ve been able to learn what and who I want to be and who I want and don't want in my life.

#journal entry #I will not let this pain beat me #i am enough #mental health #stay positive #stay strong #its going to be okay #just hold on #unfilteredfeelings

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