#Mrs Jarvis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebibliomancer · 9 months

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers #298: DISASTER!!!

December, 1988

EDWIN JARVIS -- the last Avenger?!

WELL SOMEBODY HAS TO CARRY THIS BOOK.

Fuckin’ Thor.

Oh, I should contextualize that.

Last times in Avengers: Dr Druid, under the influence of Nebula Kang (who is later revealed to be Ravonna pretending to be Nebula pretending to be Kang. For some reason), manipulated events to get rid of Captain Monica Marvel and become chairman of the Avengers.

After a brief attempt to kill Thor with a dinobot, Druid and Nebula Kang managed to put Thor, She-Hulk, and Black Knight under mind control, so Nebula Kang could use them to get into a time bubble in time and find some big weapon that the Kang Klubhouse wanted.

Some Kangs interfere, breaking the Avengers out of mind-control. The Avengers fight Nebula Kang and Dr Druid, leading to the two to get sucked into a time hole. Like a plot hold, but in time. The Avengers go home and She-Hulk quits in shame for what she did under mind control. Thor decides this is a good a time as any to just totally dissolve the team and takes off with Black Knight to go do Asgard stuff.

Leading to an awkward situation where there’s an Avengers book but no Avengers.

DISASTER!!! about sums it up. It being Walt Simonson’s run on this book.

HEY OOOOOH!

That’s not nice but I don’t have to be nice.

His Thor work is still a contender for best run the character has ever had but his Avengers work... eugh.

And since I don’t have to be nice...

Its funny that the Mets win right as Inferno is getting into full swing. Hell may not have frozen over but New York is certainly going to something quite like Hell!

So an Avengers book without any Avengers means that its Jarvis’ time to shine again.

Just like how we washed out the bad taste of Avengers #200 with a fun Jarvis back-up story the following issue.

If you don’t recall, Jarvis fought a bully of the neighborhood who had damaged his mom’s groceries.

Speaking of Jarvis’ mom...

She’s amazing.

Ma Jarvis needs her stories.

And her stories are: wrestling and General Hospital.

The television stops working on top of the air conditioning not working. And when she tries to call someone about it, it turns out the phones aren’t working!

Mrs. Jarvis: “#@%*!!! The phone line’s dead! What the #%@!! is this? A @#!!* conspiracy?!”

Jarvis offers to assist and Ma Jarvis must be in a bad mood because she eviscerates him. Not literally but she says some hurtful things that would be hurtful if Jarvis didn’t take it all in good humor.

She points out that A) he kept wearing his eyepatch long after his injuries from Avengers Under Siege healed. And B) He’s unemployed because the Avengers folded. And C) the Avengers never bothered to teach him anything useful like television repair.

Now to be fair to Jarvis.

A) He probably just wanted to look as cool as he is. I say let Jarvis wear an eyepatch.

B) Yeah, jerk move of the Avengers to just disband on a dime like that. But he at least has a nice pension from them that’s supporting Jarvis and his mom.

and C) “They taught me self-reliance... and the true value of teamwork.”

She’s so grumpy!

Granted. No air conditioning and no tv makes Ma Jarvis something something.

Jarvis walks down the street and goes into the first reputable television repair shop that he sees.

Unfortunately, there’s an epidemic of television malfunctions today (probably because of Inferno) so all of the television repair guys are working overtime and haven’t found the problem yet.

Repair shop guy: “I dunno what’s goin’ on around here! Me? I’m thinkin’ maybe New York is finally headin’ into the toilet!”

Jarvis: “Colorfully colloquial but unfortunately, an apt choice of phrase. Mother will simply have to forego her afternoon’s entertainment. A daunting prospect.

So daunting that Jarvis decides not to go right home. He decides to take a trip to the Metropolitan Museum to “refresh my eyes and rekindle my flagging spirit.”

He is a man of culture.

But the subway train he’s on suddenly stalls, like the power has gone out.

With his people skills, Jarvis takes charge of the group of passengers and directs them out of the train.

I don’t know if you’re supposed to immediately leave a stalled train, honestly. Maybe Jarvis is actually pulling a boner here.

If you’re not supposed to leave a train during an apparent power outage, he definitely kinda gets someone killed.

A businessman type with a briefcase accidentally drops his briefcase on the third rail and since its full of merger information, he immediately grabs it and gets electrocuted.

The train is stopped but the third rail is still active oh geez.

Now everyone is panicking and one guy tries to run off in a panic but Jarvis trips him. Another tough looking guy takes issue with Jarvis taking charge.

Tough looking guy: “Back off, fancy pants! I’m gettin’ outta here and nobody’s stoppin’ me! Not even some guy in a silly lookin’ hat!”

Jarvis: “This hardly seems the place to indulge in sartorial criticism, sir. Rather, seeking a rational solution to our mutual problem would be more beneficial! Brace up, everyone! The walk will not kill you but the panic may. Single file, keep in the center of the track! If you drop something, leave it! Follow me, now! Carefully!”

He leads the group through the tunnel until he finds an emergency exit and then leads them back up to the street.

Once again the day is saved by Jarvis.

He even gets kissed for being such a hero, by the lady he had saved from tumbling out of the train.

Said lady Glory Garsen seems really interested in spending more time with him. Really interested. Blatantly interested.

But Jarvis excuses himself for a pressing appointment. A pressing appointment that he doesn’t have because he’s just going to the museum to relax.

Not really sure what to make of the exchange.

Also, I’m not sure how old Jarvis is supposed to be and how old Glory is supposed to be.

Jarvis later dates Aunt May for a while. And he supposedly fought in World War II by lying about his age. And its the late 80s now. But also, he doesn’t ever seem to age, because he’s around a bunch of other people who don’t ever really seem to age.

Point being, I’m pretty sure there is a significant age gap here.

Anyway anyway, after excusing himself from her advances, Jarvis finds to his disappointment that the museum is closed. Physically closed. The doors slammed shut and nobody can get them open. The Fire Department is trying to break the doors down but haven’t had much progress with it.

Jarvis reflects that this doesn’t seem to be his day and muses about purchasing a gift for his mom.

Jarvis: “I wonder where I could purchase a pair of wrestling trunks?”

Geez, she’s really into wrestling, huh? Wait, would the trunks be for her to wear? Does she herself wrestle?

Hell yeah, Mrs. Jarvis.

Instead of shopping, Jarvis decides to visit the “cinema” for he has not had the time to go in years!

God damn, the Avengers, force this man to take more days off.

Wait, you’ve disbanded. Uh... enjoy your retirement, Jarvis!

Anyway, he heads to the Daily Bugle building in hopes that he can find a schedule of the local theaters but chances into another heroic moment.

Some bricks fall off some scaffolding, right towards a mother and her child.

Jarvis shouts a warning but then clumsy, normal photographer Peter Parker accidentally trips, grabs Jarvis’ arm, and pushes it so that his umbrella deflects all the bricks. Accidentally.

But Jarvis is not one to hold a grudge, especially since the totally accidental inadvertent assistance helped save the two bystanders from getting severely bonked.

Normal guy Peter Parker walks off but since Jarvis is looking to take in a movie at the local cinema, Peter suggests Roger Rabbit because “his wife’s a knockout!”

(Quickly checking and yup, Who Framed Roger Rabbit did come out the same year this issue did. That’s fun.)

Peter’s suggestion is one Jarvis can only agree with, after the movie is over.

Jarvis: “That young man was right! Roger Rabbit’s wife! My goodness! Such... ample... drawing!”

Jarvis, you horn dog.

He decides to phone home and tell his mom when he thinks he’ll be coming home, accounting for walking time because he has a bad feeling about getting back on the subway again.

But there’s already a line at the phone and it seems the phone isn’t even working! The cigar chomping guy at the phone complaining that nothing has worked right since AT&T was busted up.

(That’s another time stamp for the issue. That would have been about four years ago at the time of this issue. We’re learning stuff today.)

Anyway, the phone apparently takes offense to cigar guy’s abuse and lassos his neck with its receiver.

This is why people prefer cordless phones!

I love how unfazed Jarvis is by this. He just saw Roger Rabbit and that gives him the context to decide that things are just acting like cartoons today. So he’ll just follow cartoon logic.

Since Inferno seems not to be in full swing, that makes him one of the earlier people to realize that wacky demon stuff is just like cartoons.

So he just puts more money into the phone until the receiver lets go of the guy and jumps back in its cradle.

Because, why not!

Anyway, Jarvis isn’t fazed by all this nonsense but he also knows its not just another typical day. Since the Avengers are disbanded - THANKS, Thor - Jarvis decides to place a call to someone else.

He stretches the cord as far as it will go so the phone can’t attempt to strangle him. But when he dials the number, the phone insists he needs to insert $429.45 to complete the call.

Jarvis: “I see. Well, my technological friend, two can play at this game! Complete this call and I shall feed you all the change I possess! Frustrate that effort and I shall return momentarily with bolt cutters... and sever your receiver! You’ll never eat in this town again!”

Phone: “Click.... bzzzzzzzt... ring... ring... ring...”

Jarvis: “Ahh.”

He freaked that phone.

Later, a mysterious man enters a mysterious base in Brooklyn, mysteriously.

Look, this isn’t too much of a mystery.

Its a guy that Jarvis knows and Jarvis trusts. And its a guy carrying a circular object that can block lasers.

It’s the Captain America.

The whole point of slowly breaking Roger Stern’s Avengers roster was to put Steve Rogers back in charge the way nature intended.

Its definitely not the new Captain America. Why would Jarvis have his phone number?

Anyway. Jarvis doesn’t know what’s going on with the Captain America’s life so he keeps the message vague. Something is weird in Manhattan and people haven’t realized it yet. He requests this mysterious Steve Rogers shaped stranger meet him at the Brooklyn Bridge so Jarvis can Explain It All.

And the Captain America gets a firsthand experience with how screwy things are getting when one of the computers in his secret base starts moving around and shooting lasers at him.

Not things that computer was designed to do.

The Captain America throws his mighty shield and that right there is evidence this is Steve Rogers because that computer sure does yield. By exploding.

Mysterious guy: “I wonder if this isn’t precisely the sort of thing Jarvis was calling about. I think I’d better make that rendezvous and fast!”

Meanwhile, Jarvis chilling by the bridge.

When he hears an EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! and calls for help oh help.

And its Glory Garsen!

The woman from the subway who kissed Jarvis!

Small world!

She’s also stuck between two cars despite two beefy looking dudes’ best efforts. Because the small world is also a malevolent world.

Jarvis applies some more cartoon logic and gives one of the cars a good poke in the eye - or headlight, rather - and it pulls away.

Burly guy: “You did it! But... I don’t believe it! It backed off! All by itself!”

Jarvis: “Injury to the eye motif, my good man! Even the strongest willed individual will shy away from a pointed stick!”

That’s such a particular phrasing “injury to the eye motif.” Jarvis, have you been reading Fredrick Wertham’s book?

I saw that particular phrasing in Cerebus too but the arc in question came out later than this issue.

Imagining Jarvis reading either “Seduction of the Innocent” or Cerebus the Aardvark honestly floors me. But he did partake in a Who Framed Roger Rabbit that he really enjoyed so maybe I shouldn’t guess his interests.

Anyway.

Glory Garsen admits that it isn’t a small world. She’s been stalking Jarvis.

She’s damn tired of being single and she’s not letting a good guy walk away just because he’s shy.

Oh so it was shyness? Sure.

Look, even if the dating scene sucks, you shouldn’t stalk handsome butler types.

Then the day gets weirder.

A giant robot? man comes VARROM VARROOUMing down the road and tries to knock Jarvis’ block off.

Hey, its the guy from the cover. Except much greener.

And he THROWS A CAR AT JARVIS!

Yeesh. This guy must be evil. Hating Jarvis like that. For shame.

When Jarvis dodges the car, the robot dude grabs him and starts squeezing him TO DEATH!

Well, not to death yet but he’s trying.

But Jarvis SPAKTs the guy in the non-broken eye and the robot rears back and goes “WHEEEAAAPP! BEEEEEAP!” in distress.

But it doesn’t drop him and its clutching him so tight that he passes out.

BUT THEN!

BUT THEN!!

Someone mysterious throws a disc-shaped object and when the mysterious someone throws a disc-shaped object, the robot guy has to yield Jarvis to the ground.

C’mon, its obviously the Captain: “The first round’s over, demon. You aren’t related to an answering machine over in Brooklyn by any chance?”

Oh, so the thing that attacked the Captain America was the answering machine. Glad we cleared that up.

Glory Garsen drags the unconscious Jarvis to safety while mystery dude engages the robot dude.

And mystery dude gives a lot of pointers while he fights. Or... like, condescending pointers. Talking about how much the other dude sucks. “Your cornering’s pretty weak!” sort of thing.

The robot dude rips a manhole out of the ground to try to fight the Captain America but again he yields when bonked with a high velocity trash can lid shaped object.

Then the Captain America punches him in the face over and over until... the guy turns into a car.

Huh.

I guess it was the car that was trying to squish Glory and that Jarvis broke the headlight.

IT CAME BACK FOR REVENGE!

Inferno is weird.

Also, huh. It wasn’t so many issues ago where Thor was fighting a robot T. Rex that was more than met the eye. And now a car transforms into a robot mode and back again...

You a big Transformers fan, Simonson?

Jarvis shares the previous car incident with the Captain and tells him that there’s been more incidents like this around New York today.

Jarvis: “I couldn’t think of anyone more qualified to wrestle with such an emergency. But I do think that it might prove troublesome should this animated plague spread to every inanimate object in the city!”

The Captain: “So you think that I won’t be able to handle what’s going on by myself?”

Jarvis: “The thought never entered my mind, Captain. I merely suggest it might be prudent to enlist the aid of a few worthy friends as you have done so successfully in the past. Strength in numbers, sir. I could hold your coat. And besides, I would like to have my old job back.”

The Captain: “Pretty sly, Jarvis. I think maybe we’ve been electing the wrong man chairman of the Avengers all these years!”

Pretty sly, indeed!

But yes, Steve! Put the Avengers back together! Even if its the Worst Roster!

Also, he takes off his mysterious coat and hat and runs off. Just in case anyone didn’t get that it was Steve Rogers the Captain somehow.

Glory Garsen practically squeals over meeting the original Captain America.

But Jarvis gets melancholic because what woman wouldn’t prefer Steve Rogers over a guy like Jarvis.

Glory reassures him that she didn’t stalk him halfway across Manhattan to give up on him now. She’s still very insistent that Jarvis be her boyfriend.

She’s not looking for a superhero, just a man both gentle and courageous and dammit she thinks she’s found that in Jarvis.

So Jarvis agrees to date her. And they start dating.

It doesn’t look like she shows up all that often after this. And one wonders why write a story where a seemingly younger woman throws herself at Jarvis.

I mean, I know he’s a catch. You know he’s a catch. But why was this narrative conceived and executed?

We may never know.

And its maybe not the best sign for their relationship that Jarvis internally congratulates himself on saying a cool thing and can’t wait to tell his mom about it.

But whatever! Jarvis had a good day! A whole issue to himself. He fought a car twice. Fought a phone. Saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Set the wheels in motion for the Avengers reforming. Got stalked by a woman until he agreed to date her.

A good day for Jarvis!

Follow @essential-avengers for all the Jarvis content the Avengers provides. Even if it always falls short of how much Jarvis content we’d like. Like and reblog and comment, maybe. I love attention and feedback.

#essential avengers #avengers #a car that is more than meets the eye #an angry phone #an unreliable subway #Edwin Jarvis #the Captain #Steve Rogers #Glory Garsen #Peter Parker #a normal everyday young adult about town #Mrs Jarvis #cast list is pretty thin in this issue #essential marvel liveblogging

6 notes · View notes

hjbirthdaywishes · 10 months

Text

June 24, 2023

Happy 41 Birthday to Lotte Verbeek.

#Lotte Verbeek #Happy Birthday #Ana Jarvis #Mrs Ana Jarvis #Mrs Jarvis #Agent Carter #Marvel Cinematic Universe #MCU #Marvel #June #2023

0 notes

madeline-kahn · 4 months

Text

JARVIS COCKER IN WES ANDERSON MOVIES

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

The French Dispatch (2021)

Asteroid City (2023)

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar (2023)

#filmedit #fantastic mr. fox #the french dispatch #asteroid city #the wonderful story of henry sugar #jarvis cocker #wes anderson #wesandersonedit #my edit #edit: concepts #userkimb

399 notes · View notes

thesleepyballad · 3 days

Text

💕Edwin Jarvis and Ana Jarvis💕

I couldn't help but post these two together. If you've seen Agent Carter, you'll know why. I literally love them so much, hope you enjoy♡♡♡

#marvel #moodboard #mcu #aesthetic #agent carter season 1 #agent carter season 2 #Ana Jarvis is amazing #Mr. Jarvis is also amazing #1940's mcu #marvel cinematic universe #Edwin Jarvis #Ana Jarvis #Agent Carter series

42 notes · View notes

nitpickrider · 9 months

Text

Mister Hyde gets a very firm reminder that he has a lifelong spot on the shit list of every Avenger currently alive. Edwin Jarvis has shooters out here.

#marvel #marvel comics #marvel universe #marvel heroes #superhero #comics #mister hyde #mr hyde #captain #steve rogers #edwin jarvis

58 notes · View notes

heckcareoxytwit · 4 months

Text

A preview of Avengers Inc #4

AVENGERS INC #4

GO FOR THE JUGGLER! Her name is Janet Van Dyne. She’s got a file on the Death Throws—a worker’s co-operative for themed super villains—that’s taller than she is. His name is Victor Shade. Apparently, he’s been a member for years. Together, they’ve got to find out who’s picking the Death Throws off one by one…before it’s his turn. PLUS, IN HIS VERY LAST GUEST APPEARANCE PRIOR TO HIS DEMISE, MOON KNIGHT!

Written by: Al Ewing Art by: Leonard Kirk, Alex Sinclair Cover by: Daniel Acuña Page Count: 28 Pages Release Date: December 27, 2023

26 notes · View notes

jtownraindancer · 6 months

Note

top 5 burn characters go

Good gods Anon this is evil. Only five!??? 😭💕

I spent like three days trying to make up my mind on this, and I'm still not satisfied, but as of the moment, in no particular order:

The Best Boys

Mr. William Guppy of Kenge & Carboy, Bleak House

He's awkward, he's manipulative, he has no real social skills to speak of, and he's in love. I actually really disliked this character when I first read the book circa 2011, but as Burn seems wont to do, I ended up being completely won over in the end. ^_^; His Guppy is expressive, less a comic relief and almost sympathetic. I mentioned in a conversation with @synthapostate about how Guppy is technically an antagonist, but he's played in such a way that you really can't see it (unlike the book). Also the camera is half in love with Burn this entire series, and it makes it very, very easy to fall in love with this dorky, curly-haired puppy of a man.

Dr. Hermann Gottlieb, Pacific Rim & Pacific Rim: Uprising

I could write sonnets about Hermann for how much I've come to love him. 😅 He's one of the Characters of All Time for me. From his passion, his stubborn resilience, and his sharp humor, to his unwavering loyalty for those he cares for and his ability to care so deeply, how could I not irrevocably fall for him? (Also singlehandedly the cause of the 2023 Burn Binge.) Hermann found his way into my heart from the very beginning, but I never realized how at home he had made himself until the day I turned around and he was patiently waiting for me to see him. I think I fell for him and Newt in the same fell swoop, and my love for both of them is unwavering.

Dr. Owen Harper, Torchwood

I've been in love with this bastard since 2013; I've been repressing that adoration for 10 years. I- I don't really remember the exact moment that my opinion of Owen shifted from extreme dislike to him carving a permanent place in my very being, but there it is. He's sarcastic, an incorrigible flirt, and has one of the biggest, kindest hearts I've ever come across in fiction. At the time, I was pre-Med, and I aspired to be half as compassionate a doctor as him. After Exit Wounds, I gave up Torchwood (I couldn't, not with Tosh gone too.), but I've slowly been dipping my toes back in via Burn's reading of some of the books & the Big Finish audios. It's been 10 years, yet I think I'm more in love with this bastard than I ever was before. (And okay, I admit, he might be my favorite-favorite ^_^;)

Sgt. Detective William Blore, And Then There Were None

Bill, Bill, Bill... He's a crooked cop, he's tired of everyone's nonsense, he's filled with regret, he's probably gay. Detective Blore is yet another classic lit character that I first met back in the late 20-aughts, early 2010s who I really didn't care for. Then 2023 rolls around, and not only did I come to love him in this adaptation, but I've ended up going on an Agatha Christie bender because of it. Burn made me... well love would be too strong a word, but I definitely rank Blore as "a poor little meow meow."

Major Edmund Hewlett, TURN

How could this list be at all complete without including my beloved major? (Just picking a gif for this made me realise how badly I've missed him. 🥺) Edmund is... How do I explain how much I adore this guy? How do I possibly pin down the levels of pride I have in his journey, in his growth, explain the way my heart aches at the twists and turns that will tear him apart and build him back even stronger? How do I possibly do justice in conveying how damn aspirational he is, how merciful, how delightful? I can't, really. He's a force of nature that one must experience for themselves. (And I need to resume my rewatch methinks~)

Runner-Ups

(or the characters who have been spinning in my brain nonstop like rotisserie chickens and absolutely deserve mention)

Ben Jarvis, Cheat

I... I have entire essays I want to write about this guy. I have theories I want to discuss, but as most of them are... I can't. Yet. Maybe soon? I- Anyway. Ben was a huge surprise, and definitely nowhere close to what I was expecting when I finally got around to watching this show. I would be lying to say it wasn't a pleasant surprise, and I absolutely love how Burn was able to do a lot of solo work this series, with a lot of focus on body language and his uncanny knack for killer expressions.

Jacko Argyle, Ordeal By Innocence

This... This beautiful little shit ♡ One of the first Burn movies I actively chose to seek out, my second in his Agatha Christie adaptations, and my first dive into gif making. And Jacko-! Oh, Jacko... You stole my heart then broke it in only a few, few precious moments of screentime and backstory. He haunts the entire film, he haunts me still, and I'm so glad I had the chance to meet him.

Martin, Up There

(Oh look yet another one of my gifs 😅)

Martin is absolutely one of my favourite characters, especially for his absolute growth during the film. He crawls out of his downward spiral, he finds himself again, and ultimately discovers that there can be life after death. He just- He's grumpy, he's beautifully sarcastic, he's depressed, he's loved, and he just- Seriously I love him. Martin feels like a friend who I haven't seen in an age, and it's always a good day to bump into him again.

Reverend Benedict Marley, Lark Rise to Candleford

I almost forgot my favourite clergyman??? D:

Benedict Marley came into my life just to shake my very foundations, send me on an existential journey of self discovery, and waited for me at the end of it all with a soft smile and encouraging words. He only had one episode in the show, but his story was so easily woven and understood, his humility humbled me, and in ways that make me almost afraid to admit aloud- I felt seen in a way that I ever so rarely am. I connected to him; I understand him. He has depths that I could hardly explain in a single paragraph, but I can say that- out of all these characters- my feelings are birthed more out of a very deep respect and admiration.

I can't say this list will stay the same- I'm far from through with Burn's portfolio- but for his on-screen roles, these guys firmly remain top-tier for me. :)

(If you'd like to hear about his voice work instead, please let me know; I could go on for Hours about some of those lads. ♡)

Thanks for the ask Anon, and if you haven't seen any of these yet, I definitely recommend them!

43 notes · View notes

dirtydoctorwho · 1 year

Photo

Sara looks just as proud as mom mum

Summer at Howard’s 08/19/53 19-08-1953

Steggy secret Santa for @rustandruin! [line art]

#peggy carter #steve rogers #steggysecretsanta #steggysecretsanta2022 #rustandruin #also mr jarvis was taking the photo :)#ignore my shading i was tired and time crunched #turns out old family photos make really good reference #og photo was actually from ~1996 #and yes #absolutely peggy corrects steve's american grammer #herbie made a thing

124 notes · View notes

sincerethoughtsblog · 2 years

Text

you could not convince me this is a period drama movie let alone a JANE AUSTEN adaptation with this dialogue… Netflix count your days

#jane rolling over her gave #jane austen qoute #persuasion #im look at you persuasion #anne elliot #captain wentworth #perioddramasource #periodedit #perioddramagif #period film #perioddramaedit #persuasion on Netflix #Netflix #dakota johnson #cosmo jarvis #henry golding #Mr. William Elliott

158 notes · View notes

kitkat404 · 1 year

Text

Peggy: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Daniel: Wasn’t Jarvis with you?

Jarvis: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

#incorrect quotes #agent carter #peggy carter #daniel sousa #edwin jarvis #“I had help Mr. Jarvis was with me“

60 notes · View notes

mercyraph · 8 months

Text

You'd think that after nearly discorporating from doing a magic act once, you'd probably put it down forever. And then it happens AGAIN??? Like Aziraphale, mate, this is a sign from God. She can take your lying, but She's drawing the line with your magic act.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley #azirowley #antoinette jarvis #a.j. crowley #aziracrow #azirafell #aziraley #mr. fell

13 notes · View notes

thebibliomancer · 4 months

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers #307: METAMORPHOSIS

September, 1989

I don't usually root for Lava Men but nobody seems to want to make Gilgamesh interesting or put him in pants so yeah go ahead and crush him. Let's trade up for a better model.

I do suspect that Gilgamesh is getting the boot. Even though he's in the roster box, his name isn't included with the names above the title. Which I'm guessing are the mainstays despite the run having the premise that all Avengers are Avengers.

Anyway.

Last times on Avengers: Some stuff happened. And then the writer changed. Captain America declared that the Avengers would have a flexible roster of everyone. Also, some Lava Men hoisted Avengers Island and formed a big ball around the Avengers which then rolled into the sea. Namor showed up but got captured too. Then it was revealed that the Avengers had sorta killed the Lava Men's demonic patron and accidentally wiped out like... almost all of the Lava Men? And the Lava Witchdoctor Jinku is the one that summoned a bunch of not-sapient Lava Men and used them to kidnap the Avengers so he could summon a giant lava monster at them about it.

Meanwhile, Avengers Island is still teetering atop a big spire made of cooled Lava Men and those Lava Men are starting to crumble. The island is in danger of falling, wrecking the Avenger's nice, new base that they haven't had a chance to enjoy because they had a stretch of bad writing! Also Jarvis is still on the island! We like Jarvis here!

He uses the radio to issue an emergency priority double-A one, probably the most emergency of priority calls.

The West Coast Avengers West Coast heard the call last time but still haven't arrived. But Reed and Sue were still in New York so were able to respond much sooner.

Sue points out that they didn't bring specialized equipment with them but Reed tells her that she's all the equipment they need.

He always says the most romantic things.

But he tells her to use her invisible force fields to jam an invisible wedge under the island to shore it up.

It's hard though.

I don't know the exact mechanism of how strain on her force fields impacts Sue but she's carrying thousands of tons with only her brain. That's a lot of pressure.

Science brain Reed points out that the triangle is the strongest form in mechanics so she should be able to bear it.

The rock is still crumbling away from the pillar but Reed tells her not to worry about it. Just keep holding up thousands of tons of island.

Meanwhile, down down down below, the Avengers fight Jinku's lava beast.

Sure, he's calling them mean names like infidel and blasphemer, just because they killed his god but on the other hand, they killed his god and that act consequently killed most of his people.

Anger is a reasonable reaction to that.

I don't think I mentioned it last time but this is a very Marvel monster design.

The horns all over his head, the teeth that stick out like gravestones, the chipped nails, the red that looks like pink, the big brow ridge, the blank eyes. If he were introduced in the 60s he'd probably be called Lavva or Moltenn and have a tidy number of appearances over the years.

But he's actually called Avatar of Cha'sa'dra and has such a specific purpose in this book that he doesn't appear beyond this story unless its in a flashback to this story.

Gilgamesh leaps right at the Avatar, despite Cap's warning, and gets molten lava horfed all over him. Which quickly cools into a cocoon of basalt.

You wouldn't think it would cool that quickly but maybe its magic lava. You don't know.

She-Hulk rips up a stalagmite and whacks the Avatar in the ankle while yelling "IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!"

And she's kind of right because the Avatar leans over and clobbers her across the cave.

Cap tries to smash open Gilgamesh's basalt cocoon but can't make a scratch nor dent in the tough stone.

Gilgamesh just OH YEAHs free. Because he's super strong.

Captain America: "Watch it there, big man! Those flying fragments could have hurt somebody!"

It's sad that Gilgamesh and Captain America's dynamic has wholly become "Cap nags Gilgamesh for not considering his actions for even five seconds."

Back in the Inferno tie-ins, Cap was legitimately interested in getting to know Gilgamesh and to figure out if all his name dropping and claims to have been behind so many legendary deeds were bullshit or not.

Anyway, the mention of basalt gets Black Panther thinking.

Lava Men are tough to fight because they're semi-liquid. They can just reform from injury. But Jinku has hardened into basalt, apparently, despite being colored the same pink as the rest of the Lava Men. Instead of the dark gray that Gilgamesh's basalt coating had.

But given that Jinku is apparently solid stone and not gooey lava, Black Panther decides to excuse himself from the giant monster fight to sneak up and ambush Jinku while the guy is distracted controlling the Avatar.

Black Panther grabs Jinku's staff and wrestles for it. He tells him to surrender the staff or Black Panther will rip off his arm to take it.

But Jinku has more than just the strength of his basalt arm at his disposal. While he wrestles with Black Panther, Jinku is also controlling the Avatar. And he has the Avatar throw Namor at Black Panther.

Bonk.

Thor gets fed up with all this and decides to UNLEASH HIS TRUE MIGHT. He stirs up a hurricane, right here in this underground cave.

But Captain America stops him, saying that the storm will collapse the cave on the Avengers before it fells the Avatar.

Thor does stop but points out that they're getting their asses kicked right now anyway.

And then Black Panther notes that the Avatar is raising the heat in the cave and then passes the fuck out from it.

Captain America is holding up better, because super soldier formula. I guess the heart-shaped herb isn't a thing yet?

Feels weird for that to not be a thing.

Meanwhile, the Avengers West Coast arrives just as Invisible Sue is getting overwhelmed by holding up an entire island.

Wonder Man flies up to the teetering Avengers Island and grabs a corner to hold up. Taking some of the burden off of Sue.

In one of those moments that feels like a handwave to cover an error, Mr Reedtastic wonders how Wonder Man's dinky belt rockets have the lift to hold up so much weight.

Reed decides that the rockets are drawing power from Wonder Man's mutated life energy.

Despite that being a bonkers thing to posit.

Presumably, Byrne drew Wonder Man holding up a corner of Avengers Island and only afterward realized that's not how physics works.

Either way, Wonder Man manages to level the island, balancing on top of the rock spire.

Now that its temporarily balanced, Reed tells Sue to drop her force field. Let Atlas over here hold up the entire thing himself.

Wonder Man: "Hey! Do you mind, Richards? I'm already busting my back as it is!"

But Reed is looking at the big picture. Instead of just holding it up, they need to get it down, safely.

So while Wonder Man holds the entire thing himself, Invisible Sueman creates an invisible force field that spirals around the rock column.

Sue assumes this is to reinforce the column but it's still crumbling like this. Which Reed confirms is his plan. He wants the column to crumble.

MEANWHILE, back at the hot plot.

Black Panther, Captain America, and Quasar have passed the hell out from the heat. Namor and She-Hulk are flagging. And Thor and Gilgamesh are still going strong, monster punching.

Thor tells She-Hulk that this isn't just heat, it's magic heat. Which isn't constructive input.

She-Hulk suggests every Avenger still standing combine their strength to take out Avatar.

... Why weren't you combining your strength before?

Jinku: "It will avail you nothing, giantess! You who see yourselves as the noble champions of the surface world! But this time it is you who are the villains! And mine is the right of retribution!"

And then Jinku repeats the entire story about how their god Cha'sa'dra turned the Lava Men into immortal Lava Men, how he got called away from his busy god job to participate in some conflict (Inferno), how Cha'sa'dra got whacked by the Avengers, and how his death caused most of the Lava Men to turn to meat men again and instantly age to death.

She-Hulk: "We know all that! You told us not ten minutes ago..."

Do you get points for lampshading your own writing cliches?

Since we're in recap town for anyone who didn't pick up last issue, She-Hulk reiterates that Cha'sa'dra wasn't a god but an evil demon.

As you might expect, Jinku is no happier to hear this than the first time they told him.

So he recaps at them some more, explaining that the Lava Men that didn't instantly die, instead turned into "mindless stone."

So Jinku is the last Lava Man, he's pissed, and he's making it the Avengers' problem for causing the situation.

Even Thor is feeling the heat at this point. But Gilgamesh is still going strong because of bullshit Eternal resistances.

Gilgamesh EYE BEAMMMMs the ceiling of the cave, collapsing about a mountain worth of rock on top of the Avatar. THUS THE PROBLEM IS DEALT WITH FOREVER.

The Avatar just bursts out from under the rock pile, like he's coming back for one last scare.

Jinku says that since the Avatar isn't really alive, he can't die. Sure.

At this point, Namor has passed out from the heat and She-Hulk has gotten knocked out when the Avatar OH YEAH'd from under the mountain.

Leaving just Thor and Gilgamesh.

Except Gilgamesh decides he's going to solo this.

Thor: "Gilgamesh, no! Thy thoughts are madness!" Gilgamesh: "Then madness is the only way a warrior should think! Hear me, monster, if mind you have to understand... I am the warrior of the thousand names! I am the dragon slayer! I have fought ten thousand-thousand battles, and I have won them all! I am without equal in the annals of the Earth... AND I AM YOUR DOOM!!"

Dammit, Gilgamesh, why did you suddenly decide to be interesting? For irony reasons? Because he really does get smacked down immediately after that speech.

Fuckin' Gilgamesh.

Also, the hit Gilgamesh took was so devastating that he's just dead or something. The other Avengers have regained consciousness in time to observe that Gilgamesh isn't breathing.

Jinku gloats that soon the rest of the Avengers will be as dead as Gilgamesh probably is. And Namor goes Well Actually uh it seems less hellishly hot around here lately. Which Captain America seconds. Does seem less hot for some reason.

Jinku ignores that to direct the Avatar to kill the Avengers but he doesn't do that. He just stands and stares off at nothing.

Jinku: "What sorcery is this? My lava monster does not move... Does not obey me..." Someone: "Nor shall he, Jinku. He is ours now to control."

Dun dun dun.

Hey, remember all those Lava Men who didn't die but did turn into statues?

Yeah. They're fine now. They're good. They're better than good. They're golden.

And they karate chop Jinku so hard that he too becomes golden.

Apparently they all just needed some time to grow into their True Form.

Also, apparently, Jinku was constantly feeling agony every moment which does explain why he was so pissed and unwilling to listen to the Avengers tell him his god was shit. That and the blasphemy. But now that he's golden, the pain is gone. And he is in a better mood.

One of the gold dudes explains : "Free of the influence of Cha'sa'dra, we have evolved into this higher, finer form. And with this form comes greater understanding! Our brothers died because they were too thoroughly corrupted by Cha'sa'dra's evil magicks... But somehow, in our heart of hearts, we remained untouched... And so did you. For though you sought the destruction of the Avengers, it was not hate that drove you, but grief and anguish. You wished only to see right snatched from what you thought a terrible wrong. And so it has been. Set aside your weapon, brother, and let the joy of this beginning fill your soul!"

Well, okay.

This does not work for me.

For one thing, the people that became statues instead of instantly aging to death were said to be the ones who studied and used Cha'sa'dra's magicks for themselves. Why did using more magick mean being less corrupted?

For another, I dunno. I wish the Avengers had any input into the end of this plot. As it stands, they just get bounced around the room for a while and then deus ex rockina, they get saved because the plot clock ran down.

For another, dunno that Jinku is absolved of blame just because he was sad about bad things that happened. He was taking his grief out on Avengers that hadn't even been around to kill his god. She-Hulk, Namor, Black Panther, and Quasar weren't involved in that.

For a fourth thing, geez. You brought up the idea that the Avengers accidentally a genocide of the Lava Men. I don't like how they get absolved of all blame because "oh the ones that died, they all sucked, its good that they died." HOLY SHIT that is a take.

And I know, what kind of satisfying resolution can there be from the Avengers accidentally killing off all the Lava Men because they whacked a demon invading Earth. What moral lesson should they take from that? Don't punch demons? I don't know where I wanted the subplot to go after it was brought up that the Avengers did make an inadvertent fuckup and did real harm to this molten community but I can damn well tell you, never mind all that those guys sucked, actually, is maybe the worst way for it to go!

Anyway anyway anyway.

Jinku apologizes for doing the Avengers harm.

Hah. And Captain America says, half downplaying and half twisting the knife, that they'll all recover except Gilgamesh who is possibly probably dead from being punched too hard.

(I'm sure he's not dead. And not just in the way that almost no comic book character stays dead forever. More in the sense of what kind of shitty Eternal dies of being punched to death by a lava monster?)

Next time on Avengers, I guess we'll find out how dead Gilgamesh is.

Follow @essential-avengers for all the essential avengers posts except in a row. Like, reblog, comment. This is a list of ways you can engage with the post.

#essential avengers #avengers #Lava Men #Jinku the Last Lava Man #Avatar of Cha'sa'dra #captain america #She Hulk #black panther #Gilgamesh #namor mckenzie #Quasar #Edwin Jarvis #We appreciate him here #Mr Fantastic #Invisible Woman #Wonder Man #what a baffling way to wrap up an arc

5 notes · View notes