#Mental health month 2021

[oflgtfol]

i was talking to my therapist last week about how i'm kinda excited but also equally apprehensive about starting grad school this fall because yes, i so so desperately needed a gap year otherwise i think i literally would have killed myself and/or had a breakdown big enough to land me in the hospital, and even beyond that i just needed to figure out a more concrete plan of what i'm going to do with my life in general -- while all of that is true, and i'm glad i took the gap year for it, i'm also apprehensive because i genuinely feel like an entirely different person than i was even at this exact point in time last year, nevermind anything earlier than that. it's only been a single year of me being out of school but my life has changed so dramatically, mostly for the better, and my whole personality has flipped on its head, it's just going to be so fucking weird going back to the same school, the same campus, potentially seeing my old friends around. augh

#sorry i was trying to find a post in my music tag in my archive and i scrolled so far back i got all the way to april 2023 #where i referenced sitting in a dining hall #and its like. DINING HALL ?!?!?! #im going to be sitting in the fucking dining hall again in just like four months. UGH #brot posts #it's almost similar to the separation between high school and college. where i feel like hs me was completely different than college me #and now only a mere year later i feel like. post-undergrad me is completely different than undergrad me #although now that separation is exacerbated by how short a time it was and just HOW drastic a change it was #like . a bitch goes on antidepressants suddenly theyre a whole new person. #like im lowkey excited to see my old classmates and friends again #but i also am dreading it bc like hi. hey. i have the same name and face as the person you knew but i'm someone else now. sorry #and also just the persistent fear that i'm going to regress or at least even just /feel/ like im regressing #just by being back in that environment again? #even if i'll be on meds this time and actually going to therapy and overall having so much more support than i did in the past #so as nostalgic as i am to be on campus again it's also like. hard to separate the present from the past #like despite it all. this bathroom was still the very same place i went to have a mental breakdown weekly #this bench outdoors was the place i sat by myself to eat lunch in the blistering cold bc i couldnt eat indoors during covid 2020-2021 #this bench indoors was where my friends had an intervention with me and forced me to call the on-campus mental health services #just . idk. feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and also being haunted by bad memories #oh the woes of going to grad school at the same place you got your undergrad. While mentally ill #but alas i need to save money by commuting and having instate tuition

[soulsilversprings]

YO?!?????

#rambles coming up in the tags #this notif caught me by surprise tbh #bc i forgot it was coming up on a year #and what a year it's been! #if you told early 2021 me that id have an tumblr and ao3 account #i would've never believed you #i never planned to actually join fandom. the plan was to get this one longfic out of my drafts and posted somewhere #so i could finally stop editing it and thinking about it and move on with my life #but nope. one fic idea spawned another. and then another. and then like three more #as it goes #also as i was writing this first fic #twitter kept putting tweets from the pokeani fandom on my timeline #and on it went. until i had an appeal/nozohika AMV idea that i couldnt simply share on ao3 #so i was like 'yknow what? ill pull the plug. tumblr + pokeani twt here i come!' #now one year later... the first fic i uploaded is on anon #and i've posted like 20 more and made such good friends along the way! #i never would've imagined that one fic idea would've led to all of this #but i'm so so grateful #and i'm grateful that i'm learning more and more how to balance my fandom presence with my real life #i leaned on pokeani a lot my first few months bc tldr life changes had taken a hit on my mental health #but now things are looking up in a lot of ways #and i'm excited to see what next year brings :') #tldr i love u all. thank u <333

[aceofbooks]

The funny thing about the tumblr archive feature is that I can go through it and see exactly when my depression and anxiety were at their worst. You would think that it's when I'm the most active on tumblr, but no. It's when I'm not active that I can remember being so low.

Shout out to June 2020 when I accidentally ran out of my birth control and was at the lowest point that I had been since I was in high school, even though I was on antidepressants ✌️ The pandemic was somehow unrelated to the state of my mental health at the time.

#ace of books exists #mental health #june 2020 is the only month where i hadn't posted ANTYHING #since i started in march 2014 #there was a spot in 2021 where i got anxiety when reblogging from non-mutuals for a few months #so that was fun #you can also watch the rapid decline from September 2016 through March 2017 #five guesses what happened there #additional shout out to Husband for insisting that I watch MHA #which is what brought me truly back in October 2021

[savage-rhi]

Daily Highlights #16 (3-26-23)

3 Things That Made Me Happy

My king snake booped my nose while I had him out

A parent texted me that their kiddo misses me during the break

My peeps up North are planning to make a trip down to where I am at because I cannot afford to travel

3 Productive Activities I Performed

Began submitting documents for disability

Started doing a little bit of spring cleaning

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep mother fucker

3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished

Took naps in intervals to help me get through being sick and work on things.

Used social media sparingly so I could focus on getting better

Did a mental health check in with myself when I felt like spiraling

3 Emotions I felt Today

Fatigued

Contentment

Anxiety

Overall Day

5/10 Jeff Goldblum’s

#dailyhighlights #mental health journaling #getting sick often after having covid is legit folks #doctors aren't kidding about how it compromises your immunity #please stay up to date on the research and vaccines #i caught it right around the beginning of 2021 #just before the vaccine was available #im still feeling the repercussions #then i caught delta in 2022 cause people didn't mask up and came to work anyway #since then ive been catching colds and flu variants more easily #like every month it seems that i come down with something #then the fibro on top of it has been hard navigating #im hoping i can get on disability at this point #i can work well but i need to take days off as needed #and most places aren't accomodating #i doubt my current work place is going to be open to that regardless of the documents i submitted #its frustrating #thank you for coming to my tag ted talk

[danielnelsen]

hi my cat is in hospital with a kidney stone and probably needs surgery that costs $10k on top of around $800 per day she’s hospitalised. i have no money (it’s taking a lot time for my application for disability to work out) and my parents wont pay that much so we’ll have to have her put down if i can’t find the money. i don’t want to lose a 3rd cat in 3 years, please help

p**p** and k*f* are both ‘ashtonlove’

i also have tips enabled

i had a gfm for my previous cats which is probably still active so you can use that if you can find it on my blog

idk how money-related tags work at the moment so please spread this if you can, i don’t know what to do if i lose her

#cat #pet #help #please share #please help #idk what tags im allowed to use hrm #personal #pet death tw #I’m distraught as you’d expect #mid 2020 i lost kevin #mid 2021 i lost loki #my brain thrives on patterns so I was like ‘ok peach just has to make it through a few months without getting sick’ #but uhhh. things are bad actually #im not doing well at all i have -8 mental health #i can’t lose her I can’t I’d rather die

[lunasilvis]

I know sitting and moping around ain't gonna help a bit, but man, I am so bad at handling change.

#Coming home from vacation to an empty house where my sister (who is always around) has left for Finland for 3 months... Kinda hits hard #My dog who has been continually sick and throwing up and I think it is from missing me and my sister (she has been physically sick before- #when I was away) and knowing I am moving on Sunday... so she will even miss me more and I will miss her heartbreakingly much so #also a fulltime work rhythmn again monday-friday since 2020/2021 and located in a city I do not know well at all #Summer is bleeding to death and it has been storming – also the change of seasons always have me incredibly down :") #I'm tired y'all and I just hope my neglected mental health / burnout will not cause any large problems until February :-( #personal

[hopeandfireworks]

.

#I was so depressed from 2020-2021 that I went the first 6 months of 2021 without washing or brushing my hair #it took 2 weeks and several seasons of spn to brush it out on my own #by the end I had to cut out some extensive matting at the very base of my skull #I usually wear my hair up so I always have to have Bobby pins to control those short hairs that had to be chopped #but it’s been a year and they’re ALMOST long enough to be included in my bun #weird things to be proud about #Gia-tag #this is extremely personal #i see tiktok lives of hair dressers doing this for people #they’re doing gods work #I just couldn’t afford it #last year this time I had just returned to a graduate program I had to take a mental health break from #now I’m providing speech therapy without having a full out panic attack before every session #and I’m heading out to internships in the fall #im feeing very proud of myself right now

[childishzombiejellyfish]

.

#literally at this point i have anxiety attacks whenever i have to check mail from the danish state #and then i avoid/do the adhd protective forgetfulness for a month or two #also because in order to access my emails from the danish state i cant do it directly FROM my emails I have to log into the special emails #which requires 2 degrees of proof of id -- so you can IMAGINE how easy it is for my adhd to go Nope Not Today Too Much Hassle #and so when i get to it it turns out I havent paid a bill i knew nothing about and they've made it more expensive because im paying too late #literally paying adhd tax to the danish state since 2021 #and i still cant access my bank account because the bank only accepts my existence under very narrow criteria i havent been able to fulfil #as soon as i get control of that account + my german passport sorted im done with denmark #*as a state not as a country -- nothing against dk as a country -- state's refusing to believe im a person on like... 3 levels now #gender? citizenship? bank account holder? foreigner? address-haver? it just doesnt know #(5 levels*) #somethingsomething automated processes and algorithms cannot allow for complexities of existence and will shunt people out of Existence #and look -- im white and middle-class and grew up in dk i can only imagine how much worse it is for other people #my continued adventures with the danish state except they're boring and exacerbate my mental health issues #the danish state: give us money -- the danish state: but not from your own bank account -- the danish state: uh actually more money woops #the danish state: you refused to pay us more money so now it's EVEN MORE money -- the danish state: still cant access your bank account tho

[fwub-wub-wub]

"personal blog but now mainly Twilight"

lol how long has it been since that's been true (respectfully)

Everythis is and has always been Twilight (2008) Dir. Catherine Hardwicke

#I’ve got those blue tinted glasses baby gorl #fr tho probably not since 2021 #I like to delete tumblr for a few months at a time for my stupid mental health

[ao3commentoftheday]

Hey!

This is something that's been rolling around in my head for a while, and I'm wondering if you or any of your followers have experience with getting back into writing after illness.

I've been chronically ill for a long time. My symptoms vary a lot depending on external circumstances. From about 2019-2021 or so, I was updating an AU about once a month and having an absolute blast with it...then my health hit a stumbling block. Then it hit another, and another.

I'm now at a point where the stumbling blocks don't seem to be going away anytime soon. I'm starting to feel the mental health effects of not having the spoons to work writing into my day.

I spent the past couple years trying to let myself lie fallow and be kind with my brain when my body needs so much help. I'm at a point where even when I WANT to write, it feels like it's been so long I've almost forgotten how. I'm stalled on all my WIPs from that AU, but it doesn't feel like writer's block so much as it feels like writer's atrophy. I miss it terribly, but I'm having a lot of trouble getting back on my feet.

Thank you for everything you've given our community over the years! 💜💜

*hugs* that's a rough spot to be in, and I hope that we can offer you some ways to get out of it. I'll offer some suggestions from my own experience with a change in health status, but I'm really hopeful that the rest of the blog have some tips to share as well.

Don't hold yourself up to your previous standards. Your abilities have changed, and you should take that into account. If you used to be able to write for 2 hours and now you can only manage 10 minutes, don't see that as a failure. 10 minutes is now your success point. If you used to be able to manage 100K stories with intricate plots and now you find it a challenge to write a straightforward oneshot? Then finishing that oneshot is an accomplishment to be proud of.

If the way you used to do things doesn't work, don't keep trying to do them that way. If you used to type onto a laptop but now staring at the screen makes you feel exhausted? Try dictating into your phone and using speech to text to transcribe it. Then you can go through and edit what's already there. If you used to write at a desk but now sitting up for long periods wears you out? Try tapping it out on your phone in bed. You can't focus for long periods the way that you used to? Turn on the TV and write during commercial breaks.

Don't try to pick up right where you left off. You need to get yourself back in writing shape before you can take on a story that's already halfway written. Those WIPs will still be there, even if you start off with a ficlet or a missing moment or a post-episode coda etc. Start off small. Use ideas or plots that are easier for you to write. Get back into the swing of it before you try to tackle a big project again.

As you try to write something and you find yourself unable to, take a moment and try to identify what the hard part is. Are you having trouble finding words? Are you in an uncomfortable position? Is the device you're using annoying you or difficult to work with? For each problem you can identify, see if you can find an accommodation for it - and look to see if other people have had to accommodate the same issue before you. It's very likely that they have.

I'll stop here and let the spoonies share their thoughts in the notes. I look forward to picking up some advice for myself too ❤️

You can find this question and answer over on Dreamwidth as well, if you'd like to join the conversation over there.

#asks and answers

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

I am Sage's mother, better known as Nana. I adopted Sage after my son died when she was still a baby. She's been through six foster homes by then, but we loved her and she blossomed into a joyful, lively girl who made music and art.

Puberty began and COVID hit, and she was treated for depression and anxiety, at times very severe. Her teachers shared any concerns with me so her treatment could be adapted.

The transparency ended in August of 2021 when Sage started high school. She started a public high school and she told me that all the girls there were bi, trans, lesbian, emo and she wanted to wear boy's clothes and be emo. Because I saw it as just a phase, it was fine with me.

But at school, she told them something different: she was now a boy named Draco with male pronouns. Sage asked the school not to tell me, and they did not tell me even though I informed them of her mental health history and medication. If I had known, this would be a much different story.

She was terribly bullied. No one told me. But boys followed her, touched her, threatened violence and rape. Something happened in the boy's bathroom but for two days, the school told me nothing. They kept meeting with Sage alone and she became so distraught they called me to pick her up.

That evening, I found a hallpass labeled 'Draco' and Sage told me she was identifying as a boy, and that her counselor said she could use the boy's bathroom. She'd been jacked up against the wall by a group of boys. She was crying, terrified. I said just stay home, we'll figure it out. That was my last conversation with Sage for five months.

The night she ran, she thought, to a young friend she'd met online, she left a note saying she was scared of what would happen if she stayed. The sheriff, FBI, search dogs were called in. I dropped to my knees in prayer. Nine days later the FBI found her in Baltimore. My baby had been lured online, sex trafficked by DC then Maryland. She was locked in a room, drugged, gang raped and brutalized by countless men. It was night. The FBI told us to pick her up in Maryland the next morning.

We packed our cars with blankets and stuffed animals and arrived by 8 am, but we were told we couldn't see her, and were summoned before Judge Robert Kershaw late that afternoon. They didn't even tell Sage that we came for her. We finally entered the courtroom and Sage appears on a huge Zoom screen from a prison cell. She looks tiny and broken, and I cry out 'I love you Sage.' Sage responds 'I love you too, Nana.' But attorney Anisa Khan rebukes us. She is a 'he' and his name is 'Draco' not Sage. We were floored.

Khan accuses us of emotional and physical abuse, that we are misgendering her, even though we just learned she claims to be trans and we're willing to use any name and pronouns to bring her home. My husband was so tearful he kept forgetting the new pronouns, so the judge had the bailiff remove him from the courtroom. I was pleading for my child to be returned and treated for her unspeakable trauma. Judge Kershaw told me, if I use the word 'trauma' again, he would throw me out too.

For over two months, he withheld custody. He housed Sage in the male quarters of a children's home. Sage told me she was the only girl and repeatedly assaulted. She was given street drugs by the other kids and Khan told her she didn't care. She just wanted to win the case and all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. Khan tried to prove abuse, but we were eventually cleared by both states of all charges.

Sage later told me Khan had told her to lie that we hit her. Khan even had Sage's school counselors testify against us, though they barely knew Sage and they didn't know us at all. Khan told my precious child I didn't want her anymore. I found out Sage never received any of the letters I sent her.

Sage ran from the Children's Home and disappeared for months. They told me she might already be gone forever, but I couldn't give up and I finally found a tip on her social media that led the marshals to her in Texas. She had been drugged, raped, beaten and exploited. This time I was able to be with her for the traumatic rape exam, and to bring her home.

Back in Virginia, she entered the mental health facility that Judge Kershaw had ordered, as it would affirm her as a male. The therapist began pressuring her to have her healthy breasts removed. Sage was too scared to protest, but she asked me to secretly buy her girl's clothes because she wanted to be a girl, but keep them in the car. It took a kind lawyer, Josh Hetzler to secure her discharge.

After almost a year. Sage was finally home. Safe. Alive. Sage is receiving professional trauma care. The first trafficker has already been convicted. Sage has nightmares, panic attacks, rape-related medical issues, but there's hope. I tell her she's not broken she's just scarred. And part of that hope is that in courageously sharing her story, others will be saved.

Sage said she doesn't know who she was back then. She wasn't a boy, she just wanted to have friends. But her school, the judge, the attorney and the doctor were all blinded by their ideology. The consequences for Sage were unspeakable.

Please don't let ideology harm another child. Let parents do our jobs. We know our children best and we love them a million times more.

Thank you.

==

Jesus Christ. This girl was exploited by everybody, except for her parents, who were villainized for literally nothing. It's opposite world.

And the fact that everybody with authority prioritized stupid shit like pronouns and trying to coax her further down into a fake identity, even against her will, and other ideological bullshit over her actual wellbeing is disgraceful.

The judge and attorney need to be disbarred, the therapist stripped of their license, and everyone who conspired to separate Sage from her parents fired.

#Sage's Law #HB 2432 #gender ideology #queer theory #ideological corruption #genderwang #safeguarding #child safeguarding #predators #groomers #predatory #gender cult #religion is a mental illness

[carmenlire]

realizing life really is cyclical, much to my chagrin

#august is a notoriously low mental health month #2019: bad and the last week i was sick with the worst flu of my life #then the next month i went back to the gym and had gatlinburg and it was a really great month #kickstarted a lot #2020: so bad lol the smaus? the coffee?? the naps?? #September i started going to the park #2021: last August was fucking awful #like i had been steadily declining for months but in august.. i scared myself #when i think last august i just think That Day which was really a culmination of days and weeks and months #contacted (my third) therapist and finally set up an appointment for the first week in September #went back to therapy for the first time in like 5 years? 6? #and then i started going back to therapy in September #and things weren't immediately better it would take months for me to pick the pieces up #but i think of September as the first step #and now 2022: lol it definitely isnt As Bad but things havent been great #i just havent been taking care of myself and this month is a fog #fingers crossed here's hoping we follow the pattern and September is fucking magical #be better journey

[reasonsforhope]

Flint, Michigan, has one of the [United States]'s highest rates of child poverty — something that got a lot of attention during the city's lead water crisis a decade ago. And a pediatrician who helped expose that lead problem has now launched a first-of-its-kind move to tackle poverty: giving every new mother $7,500 in cash aid over a year.

A baby's first year is crucial for development. It's also a time of peak poverty.

Flint's new cash transfer program, Rx Kids, starts during pregnancy. The first payment is $1,500 to encourage prenatal care. After delivery, mothers will get $500 a month over the baby's first year.

"What happens in that first year of life can really portend your entire life course trajectory. Your brain literally doubles in size in the first 12 months," says Hanna-Attisha, who's also a public health professor at Michigan State University.

A baby's birth is also a peak time for poverty. Being pregnant can force women to cut back hours or even lose a job. Then comes the double whammy cost of child care.

Research has found that stress from childhood poverty can harm a person's physical and mental health, brain development and performance in school. Infants and toddlers are more likely than older children to be put into foster care, for reasons that advocates say conflate neglect with poverty.

In Flint, where the child poverty rate is more than 50%, Hanna-Attisha says new moms are in a bind. "We just had a baby miss their 4-day-old appointment because mom had to go back to work at four days," she says...

Benefits of Cash Aid

Studies have found such payments reduce financial hardship and food insecurity and improve mental and physical health for both mothers and children.

The U.S. got a short-lived taste of that in 2021. Congress temporarily expanded the child tax credit, boosting payments and also sending them to the poorest families who had been excluded because they didn't make enough to qualify for the credit. Research found that families mostly spent the money on basic needs. The bigger tax credit improved families' finances and briefly cut the country's child poverty rate nearly in half.

"We saw food hardship dropped to the lowest level ever," Shaefer says. "And we saw credit scores actually go to the highest that they'd ever been in at the end of 2021."

Critics worried that the expanded credit would lead people to work less, but there was little evidence of that. Some said they used the extra money for child care so they could go to work.

As cash assistance in Flint ramps up, Shaefer will be tracking not just its impact on financial well-being, but how it affects the roughly 1,200 babies born in the city each year.

"We're going to see if expectant moms route into prenatal care earlier," he says. "Are they able to go more? And then we'll be able to look at birth outcomes," including birth weight and neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) admissions.

Since the pandemic, dozens of cash aid pilots have popped up across the nation. But unlike them, Rx Kids is not limited to lower-income households. It's universal, which means every new mom will get the same amount of money. "You pit people against each other when you draw that line in the sand and say, 'You don't need this, and you do,' " Shaefer says. It can also stigmatize families who get the aid, he says, as happened with traditional welfare...

So far, there's more than $43 million to keep the program going for three years. Funders include foundations, health insurance companies and the state of Michigan, which allocated a small part of its federal cash aid, known as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.

Money can buy more time for bonding with a baby

Alana Turner can't believe her luck with Flint's new cash benefits. "I was just shocked because of the timing of it all," she says.

Turner is due soon with her second child, a girl. She lives with her aunt and her 4-year-old son, Ace. After he was born, her car broke down and she was seriously cash-strapped, negotiating over bill payments. This time, she hopes she won't have to choose between basic needs.

"Like, I shouldn't have to think about choosing between are the lights going to be on or am I going to make sure the car brakes are good," she says...

But since she'll be getting an unexpected $7,500 over the next year, Turner has a new goal. With her first child, she was back on the job in less than six weeks. Now, she hopes she'll be able to slow down and spend more time with her daughter.

"I don't want to sacrifice the time with my newborn like I had to for my son, if I don't have to," she says."

-via NPR, March 12, 2024

#united states #flint michigan #michigan #cash aid #basic income #poverty #poverty relief #child poverty #mothers #pregnancy #prenatalcare #healthcare #healthcare access #public health #child development #good news #hope

[cupofteajones]

Misa of Japanese Ammo & Mike Montesa Talk Now Online

Misa of Japanese Ammo & Mike Montesa Talk Now Online

Didn’t manage to make the Misa of Japanese Ammo & Mike Montesa author talk ? Don’t worry! The full discussion is now online. Watch the Joe do his magic and present an entertaining and insightful of conversation that will be a joy for both manga and book lovers! Watch Below! (more…)

View On WordPress

#Author Interviews #Author Talks #Best Books of 2021 #Best Books of the Year #Books #Japanese literature #Librarian Life #Librarians #Libraries #Manga #Manga Translators #Mangas #Mental Health #Mental Health Awareness Month #Mental Health Matters #Online Talks #Translated Books #UK

[finelinevogue]

friends before fans

summary - you were harry’s girlfriend and now you’re just friends, but the fans still dislike you

word count: -1.5k

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader

a/n: some mentions of therapy, rehab and mental health issues. idk wtf this is but let me know if you enjoy!!!!

Being Harry Styles ex-girlfriend was hard.

Dating Harry was easy, but the aftermath of breaking up with him was devastating.

It was scary how quickly fans could turn on you. Harry has such a huge following, but you never thought you’d go through what you’ve gone through.

Times had been so tough over the past few years, after the breakup, to the point where you weren’t scared at the thought of dying.

Just because you’d broken up with Harry though, never meant that you’d fallen out of love.

The newspaper headlines were the first to attack you.

Harry is so famous that the headline made the front page. Especially when you and Harry had been crowned as the most loved celebrity couple out there.

They didn’t know the truth though.

You were called toxic. Crazy. Manipulative and psychotic.

You would just call yourself depressed.

The year 2021 had not been a good year mentally for you and it constantly felt like you were dragging Harry down with you.

“Babe, it’s time to go meet our friends.” Harry said from the other room.

You were still laying in bed, unbothered to move because you just didn’t have the mental energy.

“Babe?” Harry called after no response from you.

“Y/N? We need to go now.”

“I can’t.” You said softly, no energy to speak louder.

You could hear Harry sigh loudly. Loud enough for you to know you’d upset him, but quiet enough to know he wasn’t going to argue with you.

He just quietly left instead, leaving you in bed with nothing but dark thoughts.

You could see how miserable you were making him, because of how miserable you were yourself. It only took one conversation to change everything.

“I think I need some space.” You told Harry, just quietly on the sofa next to him.

“Space?” Harry questioned.

“I n-need… I-I…. I want to go to therapy, H. I am scared I might do something stupid a-and I feel so sad all the time.” You started to sob.

“Baby… I.. I never never knew you felt this way.” Harry brought you over to him and sat you comfortably on his lap. He was crying too, ashamed he had not seen the signs of you feeling this bad.

“For a while now. I-I’m so sorry.”

“No apologies, baby. None at all. I love you so much and I will always love you so much. Let’s just get you loving yourself first, yeah?”

Harry had helped you find a rehabilitation centre for mental recovery and you were there for at least six months.

He was constantly there for you throughout the rehab process. He never once skipped the chance to visit you on visiting days. He paid for the entire process, even though you had been strongly against that.

Harry constantly reminded you how much you are loved, especially by him.

It took a while, but you finally got to a place where you could love yourself and life again.

When you left rehab, you realised just how bad things were in the social media world.

The moment your relationship was publicly announced as over, you were turned into a villain.

You had stopped the relationship with Harry, solely because you couldn’t give him everything he deserved.

No matter, Harry waited for you. Still is.

You weren’t a celebrity. Instead, you were a good home friend of Harry’s. Your fame came from being attached to Harry.

Now your fame was for the wrong reasons.

You never cared about fame anyways, but the constant hate and abuse is tough.

Harry is still always there for you, though.

There was an endless stream of hate on Twitter towards you.

Even still 3 years on.

liked by harrystyles and 827,938 others

yourinstagram Hello, Love on Tour🧡

Comments on this post are restricted

A simple post on Instagram and everyone on social media would attack you. For being there. For existing.

Everything changed a while ago now.

Harry had texted you a couple of weeks back, out of the blue.

Your hands were slightly sweaty as you walked through backstage to find the friends and family room.

Harry had secured you special tickets for all four Wembley dates, but you could only hope yourself to attend this last one.

You hadn’t seen Harry for months, still just friends.

Or exes. Depending from which angle you’re looking at it from.

You came today because you wanted to show your support for Harry, especially after the last few years you’ve put him through.

Holding the flowers in your none shaking hand, you entered the friends and family room.

It had been very long since you’d seen everyone. You found it difficult to see Harry’s family without Harry.

Luckily, Harry was in the room.

Dressed in comfortable clothes, he was a few hours before getting ready for night 4 at Wembley.

You stood to the back of the room, out of the way, since you didn’t feel secure enough to meet anyone. You often felt like, even though Harry always vouched for you, that his family still disliked you for putting their Harry through so much heartbreak.

What no one seemed to understand, though, was that Harry would endure that heartbreak all over again if it meant you could get help and become stronger again.

When Harry’s aunty turned around she spotted you. Either she didn’t realise it was you or was just looking into the distance, but because you thought she was glaring at you it made you feel super insecure.

Twitter was already trending your name because fans had spotted you outside the venue. Everyone was begging you to stay away from Harry.

Now his aunty looked like she meant the same thing.

You left the flowers on the table, that came with a card so he’d know who they’re off, and exited the room.

As you walked down the corridor, a security guard and must be fan stopped you.

“Are you Y/N L/N?” She asked.

“Yeah?”

“Wow. You have some unbelievable nerve being here.” Her words took you aback.

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah too fucking right.” She scoffed and walked wherever she was meant to be.

You stood in the corridor and thought over what she’d just said to you. There has been no need to be so aggressive. She didn’t know anything about you or your situation. She can’t hurt you when she doesn’t understand the truth.

You were trying to repeat everything your therapist had taught you, but it was difficult with so many thoughts running through your mind.

Temporarily squeezing your eyes, you tried to press the negative thoughts away.

“Breathe.”

Your eyes shot open to see Harry in front of you.

It was amazing how Harry always seemed to meet you at the right place and at the right time whenever you needed him. It was never that you needed anybody. You needed him.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Harry said, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek and softly stroke your cheek.

“You’re here.” You repeated to yourself.

“You’re alright, Y/N. We’re okay.”

Harry leaned into you and pressed a kiss to your forehead softly. You smiled at the familiar feeling.

“Hi.” You smiled shyly.

“Hello, you.”

“I arrived a little bit ago, but I got overwhelmed in that room.” You explained yourself.

“It’s okay. Mum saw you and said you looked sheepish. Came here as soon as she said. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Just don’t know whether I’m supposed to be here. People know i’m here and it’s… they’re not happy. I don’t want to cause any drama and—”

“Y/N, love, you’re not. They are causing the drama. I want you here. I’m okay with you being here. I am happy you’re here. That’s all that matters.”

Harry moved to hug you and you squeeze him back just as hard. His hugs always make you feel safe. He smells as warm and comforting as he feels.

“Please don’t leave.” He whispered against your face.

“I’m not. Just need you with me for a bit.”

“I’m more than okay with that.”

During the show, Harry made a speech about you.

He was fed up with the negative press and the hate you get. It was time to say something.

“My ex-girlfriend is here tonight! She’s my favourite person. I hope you love her as much as I do. All m’songs are written about her too. I thought we’d try an oldie for tonight, so I can dedicate to my person. I hope you’ll all join in with me and sing out if you know the words. This is Sunflower.”

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fanfic #ask finelinevogue #harry blurb #finelinevogue #harry styles concept #harry oneshot #harry styles bkurbs #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #social media au harry styles #love on tour wembley #love on tour blurbs