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#Man that romantic interest was emotionally round as hell
missingpants · 4 years
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imlostinsantacarla · 4 years
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Anonymous said: I hope I'm not too late for this! Not sure if you wrote it before 'cause I can't find it. Could you write David or Paul from Lost Boys having a crush on you would include? Whenever you have time but could you please let me know if you've got my ask? Tumblr like to eat them sometimes
(a/n: heya hun! sorry that i didn’t answer this one sooner. i would have lost the request if i had. also my apologies for how long it’s taken me to actually get around to having written this piece as well. i’d experienced a really bad case of writer’s block! i also decided to do the rest of the boys, so i hope you don’t mind that. thanks for requesting and i hope you enjoy reading! - admin kat 🌙❣)
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
The Lost Boys Having a Crush on the Reader Headcanons:
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David:
° When David’s interest is peaked by someone in a romantic sense, he’s surely unable to look away from them. So be prepared to catch him in the act of staring at you more often than you had previously noticed. When you make eye contact, he 
° He’s not a stranger in the department of having the capability to come up to you and strike up a conversation. No, he’s more than capable of doing that. Only, he much prefers to hang back and wait for you to come to him. He wants to know that you’re interested in him as well, he sort of plays hard to get.
° But once a conversation is struck, he’s a true flirt, albeit subtly to begin with, which creates wonder around whether or not he actually is. It makes him simper wildly at you, some of his comments going straight over your head. However, once you do pick up on the fact that he’s interested, and you reciprocate those feelings in return, he’s a shameless flirt all round!
° It’s a common occurrence for David to thus offer your rides on the back of his bike. He even allows Star to begin riding with either the likes of Paul or Marko. When you accept, it’s a humongous ego boost!
° David is both protective and possessive, bordering heavily on the verge of territorial. So don’t be surprised if potential threats are either scared off or wound up being found washed up on the shore. You’re his. He’s made up his mind and there’s no room for anyone else.
° As stated above, in David’s eyes you’re already his, so in his opinion, you might as well get comfy for the ride because you’ll be his for forever. He’s not like Paul, he’s either in all the way or not.
° When David is experiencing a crush, he’s certainly attempting to win you over heavily. So he spends a lot of the time complimenting you. It’s a very direct way for him to communicate that he’s interested in you. He only enjoys it all the more if you become flustered in response.
° If you knew him very well, you’d completely comprehend why the boys look at him gobsmacked when he’s less snarky with you, in conjunction to being happier with you around. They guys surely thank you profusely for that!
° David is an all in or none at all kind of man. If he’s interested romantically in someone then he’s going to be giving you all of his attention. He expects nothing short of the same in return, so don’t be surprised when he sulks slightly when you laughed at Paul’s dumb joke for thirty minutes straight.
° Although he loves his boys, he also is a man and needs his alone time. So, during his alone time, he enjoys spending that time with you. It’s one of the rare moments where he allows a slightly softer side to come forward. It’s a chance for him to get to know you more intimately, and not just in a sexual manner.
° When you’re in the hotel, David situates you on his lap, especially when the other boys are around. Again, it’s an ego boost, but it’s also a direct way of telling them to back off and you’re his. Not that they’d try anything anyway.
° When you’re doing your own thing on the BoardWalk, expect this suave vampire to run his eyes up and down your figure because damn! He scored lucky. You catch him every time and the guy winks at you.
° The majority of the time he’s quite literally eye fucking you. This is especially the case in public or around the boys. He knows that he’s doing it, but do you complain? Hell no!
° Again, he even winks when you catch him red handed. He’s not shy about it, even if it makes you feel embarrassed. David enjoys watching you squirm underneath his smoldering gaze.
° He’s definitely the type of guy to catch you off guard because your momentary fear boosts his pride in himself. He laughs at how you jumped at his presence.
° Unbelievably to the other boys, he actually shares his cigarettes with you, which is a first! The last time Paul tried to pinch one he got a swift kick up his backside for it.
° David never stops smirking around you when he likes you! It’s physically impossible for him not to.
° He also teases you relentlessly, especially when it results in you becoming abashed.
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Dwayne:
° To begin with, it’s challenging to tell whether Dwayne likes you or not because he’s already so quiet. You genuinely assume that he hates you or something which causes you to avoid him a lot as he’s quite intimidating.
° But nevertheless, he finds himself staring at you a lot more. You catch his eye immediately with little effort and peak his intrigue.
° You also just so happen to catch him in the act of staring at you. It’s a process that tends to fluster the pair of you, your eyes meeting for a flicker of a second before finding something else to focus on, as though both of your lives depended upon it!
° This sort of thing happens for a couple of months as it takes a lot of courage for Dwayne to be able to talk to you. He also doesn’t trust people as easily as Paul does, which can make him come across as unapproachable and intimidating, but underneath he can be really chill and gentle if you get to know him.
° Whilst all of this is happening, the other boy’s are busting his balls for being such a pansy about it all, which gives him the courage and edge of defiance to actually go up to you and introduce himself. The whole ordeal leaves you a stuttering mess, which he finds utterly adorable!
° And to the surprise of the other boys, he speaks to you a lot more frequently and in quantity than with most people, - including them -. It’s quite bizarre for them to witness, leaving them wondering what you’ve spiked him with! News flash, boys, it’s nothing.
° Dwayne definitely finds a way to emotionally connect with you on some basis. He doesn’t outwardly say that he likes you, but his actions tend to speak louder than his minimal words.
° With that noted, he’ll probably buy (or steal) small things or snacks because they’re your favorite or the small item reminded him of you or you said you really wanted. It’s genuinely the kindest gesture you’ve experienced in your life and it wins you over. He’s spontaneous with his gift giving and very casual about the whole experience. He does stumble over his words a little when he tries to explain why he got it for you. But nevertheless, it’s very sweet!
° It doesn’t matter if you’re not dating Dwayne yet, he likes you which means that he’s already beginning to care about you as a person. This leads to him giving you his jacket on colder nights because let’s face it, this raven haired boy is really an angel sent from heaven! It doesn’t matter that he’s shirtless, he insists every time.
° To your amazement, he will make flirty comments to you, which puts you into a state of shock for a few seconds. He usually does this whenever the boys aren’t floating about, their beady eyes scoping out the scene makes him awfully antsy, and not in a good context.
° Dwayne compliments you so much, but in a respectful fashion because Dwayne drinks respect women juice™! And you can fight me on that one.
° He also buys you food, particularly your favorite icecream. It’s kind of a gesture of, “Hey, let me take care of you!”. Argh I love him so much!
° When you’re walking on the BoardWalk side by side, your hands do brush up against one another, yet it’s not until you’re on a ride that you’re scared to be on does he actually grab hold of your hand. It’s his way of letting you know that he’s never going to let anything happen to you when he’s around. It’s so fucking cute!
° It’s a very rare occurrence to see this boy smile, but when you’re around, he just can’t help himself! Paul and Marko think it’s hilarious and always comment on it.
° Dwayne laughs at all of your jokes, even the ones that aren’t particularly funny. He thinks they’re funny though, which is a plus!
° He drives you places at night if you need to go anywhere. He doesn’t think that it’s a hassle at all, he sincerely enjoys spending time with you.
° If it’s not already apparent yet, Dwayne becomes very protective of you because when he cares about someone, he’s willing to keep them safe.
° He will stand up for you whenever anyone is giving you shit. He usually tends to back away from violence or anything heated, but when it comes to you, he’s willing to defend you by tooth and nail.
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Paul:
° Be prepared for extreme flirting and teasing! When it comes to Paul having a crush on you, he isn’t going to hold back. He’s going to pull out all the stops.
° When Paul likes someone, he’s inclined to speak far more often. Can you believe that’s even possible? Well, it is! And it’s practically on the verge of blabbering, but you find it adorable, nonetheless.
° Due to the fact that he talks nonstop around you, it’s almost a given that he becomes tongue tied at some point. It makes you laugh softly at him because you’ve never seen someone so happy to be around you before until you met Paul. It was a little overwhelming to begin with, but now you’re so used to it.
° It’s incredibly obvious that Paul likes you, even you can tell. He’s also up front about the entire ordeal by flat out telling you honestly that he likes you. He’s not shy and that’s a known fact by now.
° Though to begin with you thought he was joking, but it turns out he really wasn’t!
° Paul is the most shameless flirt out of all of the boy’s, which leads to him winking at you so often that you swear your heart implodes in your chest. He’s a huge fan of how embarrassed you get when he does it also. He can’t help but  laugh in response.
° Dirty innuendos as well as cheesy pick up lines are a given. This man spits them out like fire! And he’s not even worried if they don’t land well because he’ll just bounce back in with another one, and another one...
° Out of all of the boy’s, he’s the most welcoming and warm one. So, he’s not a stranger when it comes to physical contact. He encourages it whenever he’s with you. He hugs you a lot and will place his hands on you more, - not in a particular fashion that is sexual, especially if you’re not into that -. It’s his way of letting you know that he’s interested, it bridges the gap between you two, reminding you that he’s there and very much so interested in you.
° He wants to be around you all the time, honestly. Marko calls him a nerd because of it, but Paul just puts his buddy into a playful choke hold and calls it a night. Nah, Paul’s not embarrassed that other people know that he likes you, in fact, in his eyes it only makes it clearer that other people should back off. They really don’t stand much of a chance against him.
° Paul is a funny guy, so it’s just common knowledge that he’s going to make you laugh very hard on a constant basis. You pretty much have permanent abs now. Nothing is better to him than the sound of your laugh and the sight of your smile. When you break out those two things, Paul is putty in your hands! He prides himself on his ability to make you beam like the sun and laugh so hard that you’re crying. And that’s not even an understatement.
° He always has an arm wrapped around your shoulders. Again, it’s about contact. He tries not to do it without your permission if you’re not a fan of physical touch, but he just can’t seem to help himself. He gravitates towards you like you’re his personal sun.
° One specific way to know that Paul is really crushing on someone is when he feels comfortable enough to share his favorite music and bands with you. He’s a big fan of rock and metal, wanting to share it with you comes naturally to him. He’d be stoked if you enjoyed the same music as him, but he won’t slander your taste in music if it’s different. He may not like it, but he’s certainly not going to force you to listen to something you’re not fixated strongly on. I mean, after all, he’s quite a chill guy.
° We also know that Paul is quite an emotional guy beneath all the hair and the dirty clothes. If he likes you, you automatically mean something to him, which means he’s protective of you. He won’t stand for anyone making fun of you, trying to put you down or anything negative regarding you. He’s stomping out that fire before it can burn you. And you better not be surprised when people wind up dead afterwards. No one messes with you. Period.
° Funnily enough, he also shares his weed with you (if you smoke that is. If not then that’s all swell too!). Yeah he’ll share some with the boy’s, but if he’s smoking a joint he won’t ever let them have a puff. He goes halfsies with you, the sight is astounding alone!
° Paul gives you piggy back rides whenever you desire. Sometimes he doesn’t even ask you!
° He lets you borrow his jacket whenever you want and tells you how good you look in it as well. Great, now there’s less work for him to make other competition back off!
° If Paul likes you he’s going to speak to you about his interests and will actually listen to you too, even if you have great knockers that he can’t stop ogling at! 
° He will include you in everything that he does because he likes you that much and wants you to be included. Excluding others makes him feel bummed out, especially when it comes to you. He wants you to feel comfortable around him and the boys and as though you matter because you do!
° It’s not a question of whether you want him to or not, but Paul will just pull you into his lap when he’s sitting down.
° He’s also kind of sweet because he’ll hold your hand when you walk with him, especially when the BoardWalk is packed that night, as not to lose you in the crowd. Like, any excuse to touch you he’s game for because he really likes skinship. He’s just so excited when you’re around him, he can’t help himself!
° He’s the type of guy where when he sees you come onto the BoardWalk that night, his eyes light up!
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Marko:
° I’m not quite sure how this is even physically possible, but Marko will smile even more when you’re around. He just feels like you’re his personal sun and you have the ability to pull him out of the darkest of moods and into a much lighter one.
° Paul has quite the habit of teasing Marko about it, which just results in Paul getting thrown into the ocean 900% of the time. And you bet your ass that Paul is surprised each time it happens.
° It’s incredibly sweet when it occurs, but Marko’s eyes have a habit of lighting up like torches when he sees you. It’s genuinely the most adorable thing that anyone has ever seen. This especially happens when you first appear on the BoardWalk at the beginning of the night, and honestly, it occurs every night.
° Marko will flirt like a champ with you because he is the king of flirting! You thought Paul was good at getting the attention of girls? Meet Marko, the one with the ability to gain your attention with just one of his big goofy grins. And you can bet your ass that he makes your heart flutter intensely.
° One thing most people aren’t aware of how much Marko loves animals, after all, he’s befriended every pigeon and rat back at the Cave. So if you make an appearance in the hotel, it’s expected that he’ll show you his scruffy pets and he’ll allow you to feed them with him.
° The boys steer clear of all taunting then, because Marko isn’t afraid to beat their asses if they fuck this up. It’s happened before. But let’s be honest, Paul interrupts 9/10 times because he wants his buddies attention. You find that adorable.
° Physical touch with other people that aren’t his brothers is incredibly rare from Marko. This is due to his lack of ability to trust others. Marko is the most guarded individual in the group, being a strong contender with Dwayne and David. But with you, he finds himself hugging you more often. It’s an odd sight for the boys to see at first, which only feeds their suspicions that Marko indeed does have feelings for you.
° But nevertheless, the other boys particularly enjoy seeing Marko happy, so there is little room for complaints here.
° When Marko has brought back grub for the night, he’s more than happy to share his own food with you, which is a strong indicator that he trusts and cares for you. He happily sits back and allows you to stick your fork in his takeout box of rice. He’s totally relaxed about it.
° Now when Paul attempted to do the same thing, Marko almost bit his hand straight off. It’s fair to say that Paul was left traumatized.
° Speaking of food, Marko will allow you to go on food runs with him for the boys. This is due to the simple fact that he enjoys your company, and also slightly because he knows that if he leaves you at the hotel with the boys, they’re 110% more likely to tell you a bunch of embarrassing stuff he’s done in the past. He’d rather spare himself the mortification, thank you very much!
° He’ll also get your favorite takeout whenever you’re at the Cave too, regardless of whether the other boys hate it or not. Even when the boys bitch about it, he’ll just grin and say something cheesy like, “The guests choice.” lmaoo what a nerd!
° Marko is also very talented when it comes to winning things at the arcade or the game stalls on the BoardWalk. He’s never been a stranger when it came to winning that adorable plushie you had been eyeing up for the past hour and a half. And he’s even more delighted when you carry it around the BoardWalk afterwards with an enormous grin plastered on your face. It genuinely just melts his heart!
° Marko is quite the independent man, which just amplifies his guarded nature. It’s scarce for him to ever ask for the opinions of others, yet he finds himself always asking for yours. Your opinion is one that he truly values because he enjoys hearing your thoughts and opinions. To him you’re equal and if you show him respect, he gives that back without hesitation.
° Catch Marko genuinely listening to you when you talk. To him, it doesn’t matter about the subject at hand, just the sound of your voice encapsulates him in utter focus. It’s especially so when you’re discussing something that you’re interested in or passionate about.
° Anyone can figure out that Marko has a crush on someone when he listens to their problems and provides solid advice in response, but only if you’ve asked for it. Although Marko would love to just waste anyone who upsets you, he knows you wouldn’t be a huge fan of that. Instead, he opts on listening to your issues and providing comfort where possible. This deepens your emotional connection, and overtime makes it easier for him to open up to you in response.
° Just insert fucking heart eyes everywhere by this point! Marko can’t get enough of you. It’s a wonder that you haven’t picked up that he likes you, but then again, the boy is a tricky one to read so it’s challenging for you to comprehend whether his actions are motivated from a platonic perspective or a romantic one.
° Marko’s most prized possession is his jacket, and he never parts with it, even during the mad heatwaves that constantly occur in Santa Carla. However, he’s managed to shed his jacket a few times when it comes to you. He’ll plant the article of clothing over top of your shoulders, particularly when you’re shivering in colder weather.
° Don’t make a big deal out of it though! It just embarrasses him and he becomes a gushing mess. Besides, he likes the way it looks on you, as well as warding off any potential competition. After all, Marko is a possessive man!
° Expect to be complimented loads of times during the night. He manages to do it such a nonchalant way you tend not to notice it, but he’s always gratuitous when you accept it and return a compliment. This also strengthens your bond, making it a rather positive one and helping him to unwind and relax around you.
° I headcanon that Marko is quite perceptive and observant. So it’s a common occurrence for him to notice new things about you like a new haircut/color/style, clothes, jewelry, etc. and he compliments you on them/it. He wants you to feel good and confident around him, as well as letting you know that his focus is primarily on you and no one else.
° Much like Dwayne, he will tend to get you small things and gifts that consist of your favorite candy, etc. which emanates the fact that he’s thinking about you. It’s a sweet small gesture that you never fail to thank him profusely for. But Marko just waves it off like it’s just the casual thing that he does for everyone, only he doesn’t and you know this.
° Marko will tend to whisper rather flirtatious comments in your ear, especially when he is behind you. This happens a lot whilst you’re waiting in lines for rides or for food. He can’t help but grin silly when you start to grow flustered over his words. 
° His nimble fingers will also brush the hair out of your face as he speaks to you. It’s a bold move considering how guarded he is, but he wants to see your breathtaking countenance when he’s speaking to you. The action usually makes you get abashed, which he honestly loves deeply.
° With Marko there’s going to be lot’s of eye contact incorporated with a ton of smiles! The entire ordeal makes you swoon for him, and he’s more than aware of this.
° He’s developed a habit of looking at your lips a lot when he's talking to you. He also checks you out fifty times in an hour. He’s not even abashed when you catch him! He just grins that much wider at you, because in his eyes, he can’t help it.
° Out of all of the boys, I believe he’d be the most nervous to tell you his feelings in fear of being rejected. But also, it’s foreign for him to let a new person in behind his walls, so there’s a lot of nervousness swirling in his heart and brain about it. You’re probably going to have to be the first one to admit it, which he’ll gladly follow suit in.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
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cindersandroses · 3 years
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Digital Get Down, Chapter 5
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AUTHORS: cindersandroses ( losille2000 and cinderella1181)
CHAPTERS: 5/?
PAIRING: Actor!Henry Cavill/ Plus-Size OFC
GENRE: Romance/Fluff/HUMOR
FIC SUMMARY: When SuperHank met OrcPrincessPeach on the World of Warcraft message boards, it was love at first raid. Now, almost a year later, they’re ready to take the next step and meet in person. Half a world away from each other, both decide to meet in Atlanta for DragonCon, since she was already going to be there for her work as a game designer at Blizzard… never mind that she is a devout nerd. They both have to face the fact that reality is very different from a digital world.
RATING: Mature
WARNING: Mentions of assault.
AUTHORS NOTES: Love you all!
Also on AO3!
Chapter 5
Opal turned to the side as she looked at herself in the full length mirror on the back of the closet door. She smoothed the front of her dress over her rounded belly and picked at the slight ruching that was meant to help hide her imperfections along with the black color of the dress, but it did neither. There’d be no hiding anything. This was about as bodycon as one could get, and indeed she bought it a long time ago because she thought she looked hot in the form fitting silk. As soon as she got it home, though, and really looked at herself wearing it in the harsh light of day, she put it away, in the back of her closet with the other beautiful clothes she’d bought but never found the courage to wear.  
That was changing. Now. Today. Okay, not today. But as soon as she walked back into her house. She planned to go straight to her closet and pull them all out and wear each of them as soon as she had the right opportunity or occasion. Considering that most of them were on the fancier side of things, meant for dates, she figured she’d have more chances to wear them now, anyway.
Even though she and Henry would literally be halfway across the globe from each other after this weekend. She couldn’t dwell on that fact, though. If she did, then the sadness set in. She refused to let that particular emotion claw its way back. They’d make it work if it was going to work. It wasn’t like she couldn’t just take her computer places and work there.
If she could convince her boss to allow frequent trips.
And it wasn’t like he didn’t also spend part of his time in Los Angeles. 
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
Henry walked by behind her, drawing her attention away from those troubling thoughts. He fumbled with the cufflink on his left shirt cuff. She was going to make a quip about it, but the words died on her lips when she noticed he looked at her like a fat kid looked at cake. He licked his lips, smiled, and walked into the bathroom.
She couldn’t help but blush. She never would’ve believed he was truly stealing glances at her, but that notion had been squashed earlier at the spa. In fact, now she was hyper aware of his long, molten stares. 
And it was all because of the wonderful esthetician who completed her facial after their massage. What had started out as a traumatic experience ended up making her feel the most confident she’d ever felt in her own skin, thanks in part to Jessa the esthetician’s enlightening conversation. 
“He’s looking at you like you are the purest water and he’s just had some hot sauce.” 
Opal giggled, and blushed, looking at the woman.  “I just keep thinking he’s going to be like, ‘Ugh, not my type’ and leave, Jessa.” 
“Girl, please. You got one of those peach bottoms that men love to get a handful of. You already got him eating out of your hand, he’s not stopped glancing over here this whole time,” Jessa said, putting her hand on her hip. “And if he does do that, I got a handful of fine brothers who would eat that peach bottom up. So you just let Jessa know and I’ll hook you up.”
The comment made Opal laugh loudly, disturbing the serenity of the spa and resulted in a few perturbed glares from other clients. Henry had glanced up, one eyebrow raised in interest. She smiled at him sweetly and he went back to his shave. Opal smiled. “Thank you, Jessa. I’ll keep you updated.”  
Opal had made sure to slip Jessa an extra tip, even though she was sure Henry had tipped everyone well. Stingy wasn’t really a word she would use to describe this man, not materially or emotionally. 
Or physically.
Definitely not physically. He liked touching. Being affectionate.
She did not; or, more aptly, she was not used to it in the romantic sense. But she wasn’t even that affectionate with her family. There were a few hugs here and there as a child, but they weren’t overly huggy. And then there was the other thing he didn’t know about, because she never talked about it, that prevented her from initially enjoying his touches.
It was getting easier, though, the more he touched her. She found, with some relief, that she actually quite liked being close to him in that way. Perhaps there was hope for her, after all.
Opal moved away from the mirror and followed his trail to the bathroom. She rested a hip on the door jamb and watched him finish his grooming. He saw her in the mirror and smiled. 
“Like what you see?” he asked, that insidious brow raised.
“Nah,” she said with a grin. “I was just thinking about how you use twice the product I do.”
Henry rubbed his hands on a hand towel to remove the remnants of whatever moisturizer he’d used on his freshly shaved jaw. “That’s because it takes a lot to make me look this good. You’re already bloody gorgeous, so you don’t need it.”
Her cheeks heated and she shifted her weight awkwardly on her bare feet. Why were compliments so difficult to take? 
“And as an answer to your question, I do like what I see,” she replied. “I appreciate your efforts. But I also love getting to just observe each other. That’s what we were missing over the last year.”
Henry stopped and smiled at her. “I watched you getting ready, and that’s why I’m so behind. I couldn’t stop watching you. You are enchanting,” he whispered. 
The air caught in her lungs upon hearing the deep gravelliness of his sentiment. He closed the distance between them. The hunger, the lust, the pain, the joy, the need, all passed across his face. He leaned down and brushed his lips across her temple.  “We’re going to make a hell of a couple tonight, Princess.”
“Yes, we are,” she replied breathlessly. 
“Let me finish getting ready. You are distracting.” 
Opal giggled. “Pot, kettle.” 
She moved away from the door and went back to the bed to struggle into the sky high heels she had thought would be great to wear, but now she regretted the decision to pack them. Her feet were going to ache by the end of the night. But--the minx inside her reminded--that could possibly lead to another massage. This time, just with Henry. 
As she finished up the last buckle on the strappy things and stretched her legs out to check how they looked, she noticed Henry watching from across the room with a glazed look in his eyes. She laughed at him, because it was the exact same look she’d had as he secured the waistcoat around his trim torso.  “This… me putting on shoes shut you down?”
Henry reanimated with a shrug. “I have a thing for really high strappy, almost slutty, heels. Nothing like…” He stopped and blushed slightly. “Uh, never mind.”
Opal stood up and went over to him, just barely shorter than him now, and grinned. “I will have to remember that for later,” she replied. 
“Oh, god, please do. Bonus points for silk stockings and the whole belt contraption,” he murmured.
She giggled. “You know, men and women are so different. You want the littlest piece of clothing on me, but I’d rather see you in a three piece suit.”
“I can fuck in a three piece suit just as well as I can without,” he teased.
His comment, and the harsh word, caught her off guard. Taking the opportunity, he went over to grab his cell phone. He beckoned her with a crooked finger. “Come here.” 
She didn’t ask for clarification or even think about it; her feet in their dangerous footwear moved of their volition. When she reached him, he wrapped his arm around her and kissed her head, all while snapping a quick picture. He looked at it, smiled, and turned it around for her to view.
Her cheeks were high with color. Her skin glowed; her eyes sparkled. Her smile showed almost every one of her teeth. Everything about it made her seem so vital, so alive, so… beautiful. She had never seen herself so happy. Simply being near him made her want to beam from ear to ear. 
He smiled softly. “Now you see what I see when I look at you.”
“I don’t always look like this,” she protested.
“You do,” he replied. “Let me send this to you so you can send it to Amber.”
Opal shifted uncomfortably. She’d completely forgotten about sending Amber a picture. What kind of friend was she, anyway? 
“We can’t bring our phones tonight,” he explained. “Something about making sure nothing unflattering gets out.” 
Opal looked up at him and nodded. “Okay. Let me just send Amber a text telling her I’m going out for the night.” 
She saved the picture to her phone and opened up the text stream with her friend. She took the picture, sent it, and wrote, “I don’t think I ever expected my Hank to be this real. Going out for the night. Talk to you in the morning.”
She plugged her phone in, stood up, and took Henry’s hand. “Okay. Let’s go.” 
 ~~~
Opal stood in the atrium of the Georgia Aquarium and sighed. She was enchanted. She’d been here a ton of times before at previous cons, but never on a night specifically designed to be an intimate cocktail party with all of the con’s celebrity guests.  
What actually was her life right now? 
Henry talked to Dany and Dwayne, and she couldn’t get over the fact that she was standing next to The Rock. How many times had she sat next to her brothers while they watched this giant man wrestle? If someone had told her this was going to be her life when she left Los Angeles the night before, she’d have told them they were lying. It was all a little surreal.
Dany smiled at her, obviously picking up on the fact that she had zoned out and had literal stars in her eyes.  “So, Opal, what do you do?” 
Opal hummed and blinked at her. “Yeah, sorry. I’m a designer and programmer for Blizzard. I have been there, oh gosh, almost ten years now. Best job I have ever had.”
“And you live with?” Dany inquired. 
Opal understood Dany’s reticence to accept her into the group. Dany didn’t want anything to harm the business, and even though she seemed tough, she clearly cared deeply for both men as friends. Still, though, Opal didn’t think she gave off a crazy fan vibe.
“My best friend, from like middle school,” Opal said, moving to stand closer to Dany. She leaned in to speak quietly.  “I know you’re worried about me using him, I get that, trust me. If I was in your position I would, too. But honestly, Dany, I didn’t even know he was him… until this morning when I arrived. I just thought he was a dorky British guy named Hank. That was it. In the months leading up to this I just got to know his heart and who he is, not Henry Cavill, God’s gift to women. I knew SuperHank, the cleric who runs around healing people, because he is that guy. I got to know the Hank who was shy and loved to cook and gets excited about Warhammer and new fantasy novels. Who tells me constantly that I am worthy and beautiful.” 
Dany beamed at her. “That’s just what I wanted to hear.” 
“And frankly, you scare me a little bit, so I won’t do anything untoward,” Opal said.
Dany laughed and flexed a bicep. “Don’t you forget it.”
“I won’t.”
“But seriously, Opal,” she said and grabbed Opal’s hand. “He needs someone he can love with his whole being, and I’ve never seen him happier than when he has spoken to me about you.” She squeezed her hand. “It’s not going to be easy, but I promise to make sure you’re okay and safe, and that you can be with him.”
Opal grinned. “He is pretty special.” She looked beside her, expecting to find him there.  “And... gone, apparently.”
Lauren smiled at her.  “He and Dwayne went to get some drinks.” 
Opal felt her stomach clench. She tried to smile, but before she could muster one, Henry was back by her side. He handed her a flute of champagne. “Here, Princess.” 
Opal took the glass from him and didn’t say a word. Her jaw clenched and it took everything in her to stop her hand from shaking. 
Henry frowned. “Is that okay? Do you want something else?”
“Huh? Oh, no, it’s fine,” she replied and tried to smile again. Even though she couldn’t see it, she knew it came off as more of a grimace because of the expression Henry returned. He knew something was wrong, but the words to explain it to him failed to form on her tongue.
Not that she really had the chance to say anything, anyway. A loud, booming voice rang out across the atrium, “LITTLE BRUDDA!!!”
Opal spun around and watched in abject horror as two grown men raced towards each other and chest bumped each other like drunken frat boys.
Dwayne shook his head.  “Seriously, you two? We’re in public.” 
Henry came back and smiled.  “Jason, my man, this… is Opal.” 
Jason looked at her, his eyebrow raised.  “Well, hello there, beautiful. I’m Jason…” He took her free hand and kissed the back of it. “If he gives you any trouble, let me know.”
Opal blushed. “Thank you. I will.”
Dazzled once more by the Man Also Known As Khal Drogo, Henry startled her with a hand on the small of her back. She looked up at him, still holding the flute from which she had not yet had a drop of champagne.
Henry leaned down into her ear. “Do you want me to get something else for you?”
She shook her head.  “No, I just, uh… I’m going to get my own drink.” 
She excused herself and headed over to the bar, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t running away from him and running away from the conversation she should have already had with him, even before they both decided to meet here in Atlanta. 
She wasn’t in line long when she felt his presence behind her. 
“Are you okay?” he asked again, concern written all over his face.
“I am, honestly. I just… well… it’s stupid. I don’t drink anything that I don’t see poured myself, and I very rarely drink alcohol in public. I should have told you. It’s just my hang up and, gah... I’m sorry I freaked out a little bit.”
Henry’s eyebrows knit together. He nodded, but he clearly wanted more. 
“Let me get my drink and we’ll take a walk and talk, okay?” she asked, hoping to smooth things over.
He nodded and stood quietly with her. Even though he was clearly confused and maybe a little angry, his presence was still one that calmed her and she found herself resting against his sturdy bulk as they waited. Opal ordered her cranberry juice in a martini glass. To anyone other than herself and Henry, it looked like a Cosmo. It was her fallback when she wanted to hang out with the cool kids but didn’t want to do what the cool kids were doing. Because that one time she did what the cool kids were doing? She lived to regret it.
She took his hand and started to walk through the first exhibit. Opal paused at a tube enclosure in the middle of the room full of jellies. A black light shone down into the water, illuminating the sea creatures as they performed a graceful, haunting dance around their tank. She stood quietly, Henry standing next to her, silent, thinking. 
Finally, she cleared her throat from the heavy emotion making it difficult to breathe. “I was drugged.”
Henry’s fingers curled into her back. Though he tried to mask the sharp intake of air, his gasp was still audible. “Opal, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because,” she said, just barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t just that. Amber and I were freshmen in college and I wanted to fit in. We went to a frat party. A guy we had art history with invited us.”
His anger was palpable; it wasn’t anger directed at her, though. Somehow, she knew that, as she stared at the gelatinous orbs bobbing through the water. She took a sip of the cranberry juice before moving on.
“I woke up the next morning, head fuzzy, in a room I had never seen before, and my panties around my ankles.” She braved a look up at Henry, to gauge his reaction. The sharp line of his jaw was set, his rage evident.
For some reason, it was cathartic to share this secret with another human. Amber knew, of course. Amber had nursed her back from the brink after they got home from the hospital.
“It’s the reason I pull away sometimes when you touch me, and the reason I am so unsure of myself. I’m sorry I never told you before, but you have a right to know.”
Henry didn’t speak; he looked at a point beyond her, staring in stony silence for the longest time. He finally tore his focus away from that point and gazed down at her. His face spoke volumes, even before his words did. He rested his chin on her head and wrapped her in his arms. “You know I would never, ever do that.”
“Oh, no, I do! I just… I want so badly for you to touch me, to be yours, I just need… time,” she said. “I don’t even know if I’m actually a virgin or not. I don’t know what they did to me. The next morning, Amber took me to the ER and a rape kit was done, but it was inconclusive. I’m sorry if this changes the way you feel about being with me.”
Henry pulled away from her and put his drink on the floor. He took her face gently in his hands. “I never, ever would feel any different about you. I just… I understand now.” He kissed her forehead, but didn’t move his lips from the spot they’d touched. His next words were muffled, but the meaning behind them was everything. “My promise to you is that I will not hurt you, and it’s all going to be at your pace.”
She smiled and pushed his hands away from her face. With her free hand, she reached up and let her hand rest on the nape of his neck. “Well, then, we can do this, cause I’m very ready for it.” 
With little strength, she pulled him down to her and kissed him. It wasn’t passionate or chaste; it was somewhere in the middle. A reassurance. A promise. Her promise to be as open with him as possible. His cue that she was okay with him pushing her boundaries. And she loved him for it.
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magiefish · 3 years
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hhhhhhhhhh guess who drew all the batim characters in prep for the comic they’re making!
yeah so it took like 4 days to draw all these guys, and it was actually pretty fun figuring out colours and designs and stuff!
(also, update on the Reveries Twisted comic, I have a plan for the first chapter but i have like, 7 tests next week and I haven’t started drawing it yet so it’s definitely not going to be coming out anytime soon sdfgsdfsj but i am still working on it!)
anyway, i felt like writing little descriptions for every character, so feel free to read these below the ‘keep reading’ line if you feel like it! My ask box is also always open, so if u have any questions feel free to ask
Bertrum Piedmont-he/him, gay/ace
-Started working as a mechanic at about 15 and worked his way up from there -Everyone in the studio @ him: why are u british -His big ego often gets in the way of things, but at his core he's a good person (doing bad shit but ultimately having good intentions is common among these guys shdgfs) -Wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Lacie, who is his most trusted confidant and friend -Actually treats his employees well, even when they do basically nothing all day, so he does a lot of work himself most of the time Linda Stein-she/her, straight as a ruler -Parents immigrated from Spain -She's very catholic and very into 'traditional family values' and that sort of stuff -She is sweet, but her strict morals and black and white ethics often make her do unintentional harm -She is also pretty oblivious to most things Jack Fain-he/him & they/them, pan/ace, OCD -Mother immigrated from China to France, and then he moved to America, it's confusing -Can play the violin really well, but is terrible at composing his own pieces -Peak friend material -Short and round and soft with a love of a good espresso -Kind and quiet but ultimately ineffective and happy to watch from the sidelines Daniel 'Buddy' Lewek-he/him, aro/ace, autistic, jewish -He is curious and observant, but very very naive -He finds it hard to pick up on social cues, and tends to daydream a lot -Never really had a father figure, and unfortunately kind of half sees Joey as one (baaaad choice), but his mother is great -Loves drawing and tends to chew on pens (and most objects really) -Too young Susie Campbell-she/her, demi -Her parents were Russian and she picked up their accent, but taught herself how to cover it up. She is now excellent at voice acting. -Has a birthmark most theatres turned her away for. But luckily voice acting gave her another chance at performance, and the music department really does not care about it. -Her dad was a butcher, so she now knows a concerning amount about how to cut up and dissect meat. -She gets easily attached to things emotionally, and has a whole pile of random bits and bops she keeps on her person because she can't throw them away. -Naive, but smart enough to know how to read and deceive people if needed. Ms Abigail Lambert-she/her, lesbian -A very gifted artist, who is quite frustrated with the business aspect of animation. -Picked up quite a few things about engineering from Lacie. -Stern, but kind. Motherly, if she likes you and you squint hard enough. -Used to fighting for things. -Giving her food is a pretty good way to get her to like you. Being an artist, she forgets to eat at the correct times a lot, so a meals always appreciated. Norman Polk-he/him, gay, albino -Knows how to fix things, knows how to fight, knows how to hide -General cool uncle vibes -He watches people a lot, and gives off some creepy vibes, but he does genuinely care about people -Knows something is up and is determined to find out what (even if he dies trying) -Fought in WW1, then worked at a cinema for a bit. Emma Lamont-she/her, heteroflexible -Keep dancing even when everything goes wrong -Bit of a 'i'm better than these fools' mentality going on -But she's pretty chill, and willing to act when needed -Basically every woman in the studio knows her on the basis that she chills in the girls bathroom. -Hates Joey, but knows those who stir up a bit too much trouble usually 'resign' Sammy Lawrence-he/him, (vocal-romantic) bi/ace, ADD -His dad sucked, so he ran away. He's also the reason he's largely abandoned his faith, but he still holds hope that there is some kind of god out there. -He and Jack are basically brothers, they've known each other for a long time. -He can compose music in his head, but can play basically every instrument. -Tall and thin and sharp with a love of black coffee. -He's actually pretty chill and nice, but the conditions of the studio (workload, noises, dreams) have left him quick to snap and a stressed out mess. -He's pretty oblivious to his own feelings and spends basically all his time thinking about music, so he usually only realises that he has a crush on someone if he hears them singing (hence the vocal-romantic joke) Johnny Hart-he/him (she/her), gay (trans), heart condition -A nervous wreck who avoids everything and everyone -Trans but doesn't realise it, he thinks this level of discomfort has something to do with his heart condition or something like that. -Speaking of which, if he gets genuinely terrified or panicked he could have a heart attack. -Hence why he's a recluse who remains in the organ room and interacts w/ literally no one. -Except Dot and Buddy (who forgets he exists and who he also has a crush on). Wally Franks-he/him, pan -Friends with literally everyone who isn't one of the older folks (and thomas) -Honorary member of the music department because he can play a harmonica and vibes with everyone there. -Tries to put a positive spin on everything, often beyond the point of reason -A mischevous, mildly selfish prankster with a heart of gold -Gossip pals with Susie and Norman The Violinist-she/her, nobody knows -Has literally never expressed an emotion ever -Seems to know things are going to happen before they happen -Just generally pretty weird -She isn't friends with Dot, they're both just vaguely interested in what the others doing -She looks a lot like Allison, but the two have never spoken and nobody knows if they're sisters Thomas Connor-they/them, gynephilia -He is just. So tired. -An actual mechanical genius who gets his work used for the wrong purposes. -Is very of the 'when you're on a path stick to it' mentality -Cold and hard exterior that vertually no one except Allison has ever managed to get through. -He can and will beat you up. Henry Stein-he/him, gay, vitiligo -Nice and hardworking. -Doesn't have many emotions other than to draw. -He's in fucking narnia he's so deep in the closest. -Feels emotions, but buries them deep down and doesn't express them too clearly. -Has difficulty setting healthy boundaries with people and represses himself far too much. Joey Drew-he/him, homoromantic/pansexual, bipolar disorder, alcohol and cigarette addictions -Chaotic, feral, short little man who lies to everyone -Charismatic as hell, but also a terrible friend and person in general -He doesn't blink enough, does not know the meaning of personal space, and hasn't aged for about 4 years, which are all very bad signs. -Doesn't understand how to run a business but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to interact with people but does so anyway. Doesn't understand how to create life but does so anyway- -He isn't pure evil, he just gets into very bad mindsets and makes poor decisions that lead him down the wrongest way to go. -Does some self evaluation and goes 'maybe this wasn't the right way chief :/' just a bit too late Audrey Dempsey-she/her, lesbian, Borderline Personality Disorder -Feral conspiracy theorist -May or may not be related to multiple studio members -Everyone's called her crazy for years and made her feel like a burden, and she is hellbent on proving everyone wrong -Quite socially awkward, and rather sarcastic with a dark sense of humour -Works for Archgate Allison Pendle-she/her & they/them, androphilic/ace -Is forever lost in a vintage clothing store -Most people say she seems nice, but everyone just kind of subconciously registers that there is something up with her -Knows a lot about the supernatural -The person closest to Joey, which doesn't necessarily mean they're friends -Nobody has ever seen the right side of her face Dot Acciaci-she/her, pan -Her parents are Italian, and she speaks a little herself, usually using it to encrypt her private notes -Mischevious & curious, but ultimately kind -She will find out your secrets, and is very good at reading people -Great storyteller -Struggles with loneliness a lot Dr Eleanor Hackenbush-she/her, aro/ace -Science knows no bounds -Doesn't care what your motivation is, as long as you give her some cash and some experiments -Filled with nothing but utter spite Ms Reina Rodriguez-they/them, demi -Tired of everything -Although she puts up a calm exterior, Rodriguez is very attached to the studio and views it as her 'new family', having a terrible relationship with her old one -Her family drama connects to the fact they're very catholic, but she nobody knows what this drama is other than Joey Tessa Arch-she/her, straight -An absolute bitch -Trusts her husband far too much -Not very smart, but compensates for this for being good looking and rich Shawn Flynn-he/him (intersex), pan -Jovial, but gets angry quickly -Willing to do 'wrong' things if it helps someone else out, kind of like Robin Hood or something -His mother taught him how to sew and he helped her make clothes when he was younger -Found it hard to get a job because he's Irish, so despite being tired of all the bullshit of JDS, he is reluctant to look elsewhere -Friends with Lacie and Grant because they appreciate his humour Lacie Benton-She/her, lesbian, trans -Tougher than the toughies -wlw & mlm solidarity w/ Bertrum, who she views as one of the only genuinely smart people in JDS and who she has worked for for basically all of her life -Feels like something is up, but doesn't notice much if it doesn't connect to her work -Has automatophobia -Friend with Shawn and Grant because she respects their dedication to their work Grant Cohen-He/him, bi, depression, jewish -Absolute madlad at maths -Acts like he doesn't care what you think, cares far too much about what you think -Everyone wants him to just get therapy already -Doesn't have many friends, but has a weird 'we're both horribly overworked' kinship with Sammy, so they usually just chill and smoke together -Friends with Shawn and Lacie because they're actually mentally stable and he needs some rocks Nathan Arch-He/him, straight -You should hate him -You should hate him a lot -Super rich and doesn't pay his workers enough -Silver tongued -Basically a spider. Creates webs of manipulation and lies, sees a lot, and knows plenty about waiting for his prey to come to him.
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kaylorrehabcenter · 3 years
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Gold Rush and Happiness are Sisters
Gather round everyone and witness the clown try to prove that Taylor Swift wrote songs about a married (now pregnant) woman in the year of our lord 2020.
Also this is a seven page doc in my google docs so like. Get a cup of tea and some popcorn.
Ok full disclosure this is…..mostly me clowning. Like seriously. Don’t take my words as the word of God, this is just my interpretation and how I listen to the songs. And as a (former? Idk man) Kaylor I’m going to want to make these songs about my ship. Acknowledge your biases kids.
Also like. I change my mind a lot, but for a while this theory that Gold Rush and Happiness are connected has been stuck in my head and I wanted to write it down and post it in case anyone else got something out of this.
If you read my last post on Gold Rush (here!) you’ll know I don’t think of it as a happy song. To elaborate further- I think it’s Taylor catching herself looking back on Karlie/that time in her life (Because I think Karlie is emblematic of the 1989 era for Taylor and is thus tied to the pain that came out of that, along with her ties to the masters heist) and reminding herself it wasn’t good and ended for a reason.
“Gleaming, twinkling/eyes like sinking ships on waters/so inviting, I almost jump in”
“But I don’t like a gold rush” 
The sinking ship line makes me laugh. I like to think it’s Taylor saying she’s literally sunk our (dead) ship, but that’s mostly regressing to 2015 tumblr humur.
To the actual analysis, she almost jumps into these waters, maybe it’s literal (don’t text your ex kids, write a bop like closure instead) or maybe it’s more metaphorical. She almost allows herself to think the good times were the only times. Maybe there’s a desire to move back to nyc, capture the magic that she may have felt during the era. 
“I don’t like that flying feels like falling till the bone crush”
But that’s the thing. It feels like flying at the time, but it isn’t a feeling that can last. These relationships built on temporary promises (we’re assuming here Taylor was a side thing for Karlie, not that serious and built not to last, even if there were genuine romantic feelings on both sides, which I think there were to some level) won’t last, and will hurt when they do end. At least, this one did.
“Everyone wonders what it would be like to love you”
Everybody wants who she’s singing about and is imagining what it would be like to be with them, they think it would be a fairytale. Hell, Taylor probably thought their relationship would be a fairytale against her better judgement. Karlie is a celebrity and a model no less, yes she has other things going for her (Koding and investments), her brand and her success in the fashion world depends to some degree people desiring and fantasizing about her.
“I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch”
The funny thing about that, Taylor’s the only one who knows the pain of that relationship, of being a side thing and never committed to. It’s draining. It's difficult. She isn’t allowing herself to jump into those waters.
“I see me padding across your wooden floor/with my Eagles t shirt hanging on the door”
I point out this line mostly because it feels like a Delicate call back (Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs). Am I reaching though? Probably. Also as someone with parents about the same age as Taylor’s (give or take ten years), I like the Eagles reference. Stream Hotel California for clear skin <3
“At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit”
Taylor was the first person to call Karlie out on her “I’ve tried!!” bullshit, how cute. <3
Besides this line being very iconic, it also shows to me that Taylor’s been frustrated with Kar even when she was busy giving her heart eyes. She’s a frustrating person to be around even when you are “turning her life into folklore”.
“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/With your hair falling into place like dominoes”
Damn that’s a gay couples lines you got there Tay. Wonder if you’re wondering what it must’ve been like for Kar to grow up in the model industry, and all of the pressure and exhilaration that entails. From a male’s perspective ofc.
I also take the dominoes line to be Taylor saying what must’ve it been like to have this easy idyllic childhood. Maybe Taylor is the first time Karlie’s been with a girl outside of a hookup and didn’t have to go through the pain of realizing she was into women until later in life. (Not that that’s not painful, it’s just different, and allows you to have a perfectly straight childhood/teenagerhood)
“And the coastal town we wandered 'round had nеver seen a love as pure as it/And thеn it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it could never be”
Maybe this relationship never existed in the way she thought at all. You know Carrie Fischer’s character in When Harry Met Sally and how until she meets the right guy, she spends the whole movie insisting that whatever married guy she’s seeing really loves her!! And he’s gonna leave his wife for her!! That’s what these two songs make me think about, waking up and realizing they were never going to leave their wife, you were projecting this whole story onto someone else, but that doesn’t mean there was no value in what happened.
“And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it/'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it will never be”
The coastal town seems an obvious Rhode Island reference, to get more specific it reminds me of when Josh and Karlie visited Taylor at her Rhode Island home in 2014 and Josh looks peeved as hell. 1, 2 Also if I remember correctly, enty has a blind where he says there was a huge fight between Josh and Taylor which ended in Taylor not wanting to be around him again. Just interesting to note. (And if anyone has the receipt, please send it my way!)
Taylor may have been projecting this fairytale narrative at the time of being able to make it work, of being friends with Josh even but it didn’t work and the fairytale is left to be folklore, never made real.
The outro is the same as the intro to the song, implying to me that while she’s telling herself it was bad, you weren’t happy, she’s still catching herself missing it and what she had with Karlie. She left a part of her back in New York see, and she can’t stop her mind from retracing old footsteps.
Now, onto how I think Happiness and how I think it connects. I’m about to audition for the national team in the reaching Olympics. Wish me luck. :)
A bit of a preamble though, I don’t take this song ~super~ literally. Depending on what day of the week it is I think it’s probably her divorcee rpg simulator or her closing the book on her ex situationship gf on her own terms ~in a straight way~. So not to discredit this whole ass post but. Take with a grain of salt.
“Honey, when I'm above the trees/I see this for what it is”
See that bold bit? That’s the main connective tissue between these songs. She’s finally woken up and now that she’s this far removed from the relationship she sees what it was. To add to the pain of it all, this is especially potent if you wonder if Karlie gaslit Tay into thinking this wasn’t a big deal, they were just fucking around when Karlie has literal Softest Love Song You Are In Love dedicated to her.
“But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given/Is just shit we're dividin' up”
This seems to me to be a masters heist reference. Karlie since Lover, is musically tied to this event in Taylor’s life, it’s what I think is keeping Tay from making a clean break from her so to speak. 
“Showed you all of my hiding spots/I was dancing when the music stopped”
This seems to be a Rep era/dwoht reference. Yes, Taylor constantly references dancing, but the hiding spots (loved you in secret! you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis!) combined with the dancing when the music stopped (I'd kiss you as the lights went out! Swaying as the room burned down!) brings out the full kaylor clown in me. 
“There'll be happiness after you/But there was happiness because of you/Both of these things can be true”
This is probably some of the most gut wrenching lyrics Taylor’s ever written. Damn, imagine having that written about you. Anyway, the point here is the thesis of this whole damn post. Gold Rush is Taylor catching herself daydreaming about the happy parts, and reminding herself about the bad to make her snap out of it. Happiness is her coming to terms that both parts of that relationship were true. Things aren’t that simple. 
“Haunted by the look in my eyes/That would've loved you for a lifetime/Leave it all behind”
This feels very Cruel Summer doesn’t it? “I love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” These lines make this relationship read as two things to me. One, it was very one sided, and Taylor/the narrator, was obviously left behind at the end of it when she was heavily invested into making this work. And 2, it was doomed from the beginning. Again. Big cruel summer energy here.
Or it’s a divorcee rpg simulator 3000. Now with extra glamour and opportunities to dramatically drink wine in dressing gowns.
I don’t have a lot to say about the second verse of the song that. Karlie has a nice smile, Gatsby reference, dig at whoever the next person to take Taylor’s place as a side fling (or a dig at Josh, or a baby reference since that’s what the Gatsby line refers to). The only other thing worthy of note for this post is the line following the Gatsby reference.
“No, I didn't mean that/Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury”
 is the next line, where she regrets what she just said and admits to saying overly harsh things and overlooking the truth of the matter when she’s angry, which to me feels like a big Afterglow/Me! reference.
“There'll be happiness after me/But there was happiness because of me/Both of these things, I believe”
I think a lot of what Taylor’s doing emotionally in the chorus is legitimizing this relationship for herself. Yeah, Josh and Karlie will have a happy life in Florida with Ivanka and them, but Taylor also made Karlie happy too and she doesn’t want Karlie to forget it. 
It reminds me of the way she talks about August, that she genuinely loves James/Karlie, and thinks they have something. But she’s just the pit stop on the commitment highway, and the depth of her feelings for the other person will never be acknowledged. It’s exhausting you know?
“In our history, across our great divide”
“Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea/That you put between you and me”
Nothing to see here, just a nifty parallel. Karlie doesn’t want wrinkles in her new life see.
“There is a glorious sunrise/Dappled with the flickers of light/From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind/And there is happiness”
This bit (which has some of my favorite imagery in this whole dang album!!!) reminds me of the end of the Wildest Dreams mv where she runs out to the car with the lover following her after the big charade of pretending not to care as much as she does, while knowing you aren’t the one that got picked.
Interestingly, if you look at the shot of the four characters together near the end, the outfits parallel the ones worn by Kar, Tay, and Josh at the 2014 Met Gala. This was of course the one where Tay and Kar got ready together and Karlie proceeded to spend the night with Josh and where Tay just looks. Miserable. (see here!)
The line also parallels Wildest Dreams lyrically.
“Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress/Staring at the sunset, babe”
Which you know. Worth noting.
The last line (And there is happiness) seems to point to there being happiness in leaving the bad situation just as much as there was happiness in the situation. It’s Time to Go anyone?
“I can't make it go away by making you a villain/I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven”
A series of thoughts. One, I love the first line where Taylor acknowledges anger isn’t going to make it better. There’s only so much being angry in this situation will do, and it’s not like Taylor’s record is clean here either. (I mean I assume. We know she went psycho on the phone anyway)
Two. Seven years in heaven is both a play on a famous game/turn of phrase (Seven minutes in heaven) but one of the more bold references to Karlie in her whole damn discography. Do I think they’ve been together for seven years straight? Not really. But do I think Taylor saw an opportunity and jumped on it? Yep. 
“And I pulled your body into mine/Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties”
No thoughts head empty this line is a sucker punch and I love it. If anyone needs me I’ll be watching her perform ikywt on the vsfs and crying to yail.
“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness”
Oh look! Another Gatsby reference. Or Taylor calling Karlie out on profiting off of her association with Tay after they clearly did not end on good terms. (Folklore themed maternity shoot anyone?) I mean, whatever floats your boat. 
A bit on the green light metaphor from Gatsby, because it’s worth noting even if I don’t have much more to say on it here.
“Situated at the end of Daisy’s East Egg dock and barely visible from Gatsby’s West Egg lawn, the green light represents Gatsby’s hopes and dreams for the future. Gatsby associates it with Daisy, and in Chapter 1 he reaches toward it in the darkness as a guiding light to lead him to his goal.”
Yes I copied that from Spark Notes. No I am not sorry. I have an exam tomorrow and I’m writing about a dead ship on a dead social media website. Sometimes we do what we must do.
I love the ending of this song, I really really do, it feels like taking in a breath of air and finally feeling free of the weight you’re carrying. It feels like a final goodbye, like Tay’s getting closure on her own terms and I truly love that for her. Bb’s stepping out into the daylight. <3 
There is happiness
In our history, across our great divide
There is a glorious sunrise
Dappled with the flickers of light
From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind
Oh, leave it all behind
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness
So, what was this whole seven page post for then? 
Gold Rush and Happiness being connected has been a theory rattling around in my brain for forever and I’ve wanted to write it down for just as long. The tldr of it all is pretty simple, Gold Rush is about her reminiscing about the good parts of Kaylor, and pulling herself out of it, reminding herself it was bad and bad for her. Happiness is her legitimizing the relationship, and moving on while acknowledging there was bad and good in their story. It just took me seven goddamn pages to articulate that.
If you’ve reached the end of this. Damn. Thanks. Go get a snack or something, you deserve it after reading this.
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j3mjj3m · 4 years
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a comprehensive set of rules (part 1)
light and breezy!! (this is not a b99 au)
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this is...long.
plot?????? what?????????
*
January:
“So you’re telling me,” Aaron repeated. “You’re pretty sure this guy is into some organised crime shit?”
Andrew made a noise, rolling over on his bed to press the phone between his ear and the pillow. Usually their calls were short and succinct, as was tradition ever since they departed from college - Andrew heading to Baltimore for policing academy and Aaron to Chicago for med-school - with Aaron doing most of the talking and Andrew occasionally humming in response.
Tonight Andrew was riddled with questions. Usually his moral compass was simple and easy to adhere to, but this was - to put it mildly - fucked. He didn’t care about authority, or loyalty to his police oath, but he couldn’t just screw a guy whilst suspecting him of murder. Or whatever Neil had gotten himself into.
You can’t talk, his own brain reminded him, so kindly, so gently. He made a scathing noise and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“A woman tried to kill him and talked shit about his family. You should’ve seen how bone-white he went at his father’s mention.”
“So - you’re just going to excuse him? On the basis of what, an inclination to murder is genetic?”
Sometimes it was genetic. Andrew almost laughed. Aaron heard the irony in his own words, too and grumbled out a low ‘Shut up.’
“He said he couldn’t date a cop, anyway.” Not that Andrew was interested in dating.
It did appear as though he and Neil was very incompatible: Neil didn’t do sex and relationships, was criminally inclined and had yet to text him since their disaster of a second date.
Andrew was only emotionally ready enough for casual sex, one-night-stands and loveless hookups, and didn’t exactly know whether or not he could ignore Neil’s background, seeing as every day he went in to work and interrogated perps with gang tattoos and blood still drying on their hands.
And yet.
Andrew still wanted to see Neil. See he was alright. Talk to him. Spend time with him. Andrew still wanted to try and set something up, something that’d benefit both of them, maybe a way that Neil could escape from his current life, a way for Andrew to get invaluable knowledge.
Andrew still wanted to try and have something with Neil. Not romantic. Not a relationship, or sex, or even friendship.
Just - something.
“That’s that, then.” Aaron said, unhelpful. “Nicky was all screechy about it on the phone. Said that the guy was cute. I bet he has no clue.”
“No,” Andrew agreed, making a mental note to check out ‘Allison’ and ensure his cousin was safe. “No clue at all.” He sighed, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. “It doesn’t matter. I doubt we’ll ever see each other again.”
*
February:
“Shit,” Andrew muttered as coffee dribbled down his vest. The taser tucked into its pocket made an odd sound, as though it were drowning or something. He fished it out and sighed: Kevin, another fresh-faced detective who seemed to think he had the right to criticise Andrew’s every move, wouldn’t let this go. Andrew seemed to always be needing new equipment, so much so that Kevin had decided to photocopy the request forms and pin them snootily to Andrew’s desk.
Andrew hated Kevin. Renee had forced him to be civil, though, and he trusted his partner enough to listen to her advice.
“Didn’t see you there,” came a familiar voice. Andrew’s head snapped up: canvasing the truly miraculous sight that stood before him. “So sorry.”
Neil’d had his haircut since Andrew had last seen him, but he bore purple shadows under his eyes, his skin pale and sickly. A hood was drawn up, the sweater too large on Neil’s wiry frame. His jeans were loose too. He was far from the well-dressed bad idea Andrew had gone on two dates with, just over two months prior.
“Come into this cafe, officer,” Neil said, voice flat. “There’s a bathroom.”  With that, he spun on his heel and marched back into the coffee-shop that he had no doubt been waiting outside of for Andrew to pass by.
Andrew followed silently, ignoring the lukewarm coffee that was dripping down his chest. There was a tiny bathroom with two cubicles, of which Neil somehow had the key for. He spun around and leant against the door, eyes dark.
“Neil,” Andrew said. “What the fuck?”
“I can’t be seen with you, or talking to you,” he managed, voice slightly raw. “Things are - not great, right now. I’m sorry I vanished.”
“You have to give me context,” Andrew insisted, stepping closer. “What the hell is going on?”
Neil shut his eyes. “If I promise you that I’ll explain everything, afterwards, will you help me?”
“I take my promises seriously,” Andrew warned.
Neil nodded weakly, wringing his fingers. “I know.”
Andrew sighed, taking some paper towel from next to the sink and patting himself dry. “What’s happening?”
Neil swallowed. “My father’s going to court, based on charges of tax evasion and money laundering.”
Andrew gestured for him to continue.
Neil hung his head. “I’m going to usurp him, him and his closest allies. I need a cop I can filter information through to, so that they can be locked up permanently. All five of them.”
“Someone once told me that they’d never be safe unless the threat was dead,” Andrew said, voice low. “You can’t fool me into thinking you just want them in jail.”
Neil had the audacity to look surprised, like maybe he thought Andrew wouldn’t remember. He’d learn to assume Andrew knew everything soon enough. “He has enough enemies that it’ll be taken care of, for me. Honest enough for you, officer?”
Andrew straightened out. “And when he and his crooks are gone? What then?”
Neil’s smile was almost sad. "Then I will take his place.”
“You could dismantle it entirely,” Andrew argued. “You don’t have to follow his footsteps.”
Neil just shook his head. “There are higher powers at work, Andrew. It’s my legacy: I have no choice." He in a shuddering breath. “If I could abandon it all, I would. I don’t want this life. I don’t want his name, or his smile, or his bloodthirst. I don’t.”
“Neil,” Andrew warned.
The man squeezed his eyes shut. “You know I watched him kill my mom? She didn’t want this life either. He was going to kill me too. Maybe he should have.”
“Neil.”
Andrew had the man’s chin pinched between his thumb and forefinger. He opened his eyes.
“I’ll help you,” Andrew said, against better judgement. “Tell me your name and I’ll help you.”
Neil’s swallow was constricted, weighted. He took out a tiny slip of paper and tucked it into Andrew’s pocket. “I'm still Neil.” His inhale was desperate. “I am still Neil.”
Andrew nodded slightly, stepping back and watching as the man unlocked the door and slipped out.
Slowly - carefully - Andrew unfolded the little piece of paper.
It was a business card, the logo embossed into the paper.
Nathan Wesninski and Co. it read, accented with gold.
*
March:
“How the fuck...” Dan said, flicking through the file. She, Wymack and Renee all sat opposite Andrew, peering over his work with trepidation.
Under a strictly Need-To-Know policy, Kevin was excluded for his previous ties to Riko Moriyama, who was the son of a yakuza boss (though that was not widely known). Matt was excluded on the basis of too many mouths to control, though Dan would probably fill him in. Seth was excluded because he sucked and Andrew hated him. That left his partner, his captain and his sergeant, all of whom were mildly shocked that Andrew had picked up such a large and intricate case independently.
“How did you find all this?” Dan demanded, recoiling from the contents of his file. Beside the many photographs laid a dried chunk of flesh in a sealed bag, of which DNA tests would confirm to be Mary Wesninski’s, who vanished over 14 years ago.  Neil said he’d cut it from the branching aorta of his mother’s heart, of which his father kept in a small container, alongside her tongue and eyes, seeing as his father would miss a whole organ, but not a chunk of the underside. He didn’t get his name the Butcher for nothing.
“Unless we have a weapon, or something with prints that connects Wesninski to that-” Wymack pointed to the piece of Mary’s heart. “It’s still circumstantial without your CI coming forward as a witness.”
“They will die,” Andrew said calmly. “I’ll keep working for a connection, but nothing about my CI gets published. Nothing.”
“Okay,” Renee agreed, smiling warmly as she rounded the table. She waited for his nod to drop a hand on his shoulder, rubbing small circles of warmth. “We’ll figure something out, Andrew.”
“I can’t believe we have a chance against Wesninski,” Wymack muttered, rubbing his temples.
“Not yet, we don’t.” Dan reminded him.
Not yet, Andrew agreed.
*
April:
Neil walked a slow circle around Andrew’s apartment, eyeing the windows and doors, the fire escape, the kettle, probably even the fucking toilet paper. Andrew watched as he toed off his shoes, pulled his sweater sleeves over his hands and finally joined Andrew in the living room.
“Got bored of figuring out the best point of exit?”
Neil scowled, settling on the couch beside him. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“Well, yours wasn’t exactly an option, was it?” 
Neil just drew his knees up to his chin, curling into a small ball on the couch. “The trial’s been set for late September.”
“I know,” Andrew agreed. 
“You haven’t brought any evidence to the prosecutor yet.”
“I haven’t.”
“Was what I gave not good enough?”
“No,” Andrew grimaced. “A chunk of Mary’s heart tells us she’s dead. Without prints, or a weapon, or DNA evidence surrounding her body, there’s no way to connect Nathan to her death.”
Neil winced, teeth biting into his lip. The minute rocking back and forth was beginning to get on Andrew’s nerves. “I can’t...I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll figure something out,” Andrew insisted. “We solve crimes for a living. There’s always an answer.”
Neil scoffed, body still shaking. “You’re probably aware of 20% of what goes on in this city.”
“So tell me the other 80.”
Neil stared. 
Andrew gestured vaguely. “The different gangs, the territory lines, shoot outs and brandings and who’s having an affair with who. I don’t care. Just talk.”
“What good is gossip?” Neil wondered aloud. 
“You’d be surprised,” Andrew said lightly, like this wasn’t completely for Neil’s benefit. He needed to get Neil out of his head. It looked like the man hadn’t sleep in weeks, his nails bitten down to the quick and body stiff with bandages. The fact that Andrew couldn’t help him much more than this - at least not now - was putting him through the wringer.  
“Fine,” Andrew huffed when Neil wasn’t forthcoming, getting off the couch. From under the TV he grasped a random DVD and shoved it into the player that Nicky had bought for him a few years ago. 
“What’s this?” Neil blinked, owlishly. 
Andrew just dropped back down onto the couch. “Do you trust me?”
Neil looked at him, eyes narrowed. 
Andrew reached out to push the long fringe away from Neil’s eyes. “Neil, do you trust me?”
“I...” he looked down to his hands. They slowly curled into fists. “I want to.”
Andrew tilted his chin up with the tip of his finger. For a moment there was nothing else, just blue and gold and fate and future. “Then believe me when I say I will find a way.”
Slowly, Neil nodded. 
*
May: 
“Dimaccio, Plank, and the Romero siblings,” Andrew leant on the table with his fists, the fies splayed out around them. “We lock them up, one by one. Nathan loses his circle, loses his security. He’ll put out the wrong foot without anyone else to fall back on.”
“Who should we start with, then?” Wymack inquired, letting Andrew steer this investigation down to the very last report signature. 
Andrew arched an eyebrow, momentarily recalling the jagged scars on the inside of Neil’s elbows. 
“She’d wanted to cut my tendons, once,” he said, before yanking down the sleeves again. 
“Ladies first,” he told Wymack, picking up the photo of Lola Malcom and pinning it right into the centre of their case-board.
*
June: 
Dimaccio snarled as he was lead away in shackles, hair shaved close to his skull. He was probably double Andrew’s height and width and had three police escorts shoving him into the back of a wagon. Across the back of his hand had been the characteristic X, the one Neil bore, the one Lola had worn too. 
Two down, three to go, Andrew thought, something like pride grinning wolfishly within his chest. These were only the bail hearings: proper convictions wouldn’t be till the new year. It didn’t matter: so long as they were locked up, Andrew could move forward. Wymack stood beside him, thumbs hooked into his belt loops. 
“Nice work, kiddo,” the chief acknowledged, shaking out a cigarette and gesturing to the exit. Andrew followed. 
Leaning against the courthouse’s sandstone exterior, Andrew stared up into the cloudless sky with an accusatory squint, till Wymack nudged him.
“Your phone’s ringing,” he muttered, cigarette drooping with ever syllable. 
Andrew fished out the burner that he always kept tucked into his back pocket. He flicked it open immediately: there was only one person who had this number. 
“Andrew,” Neil panted. “Thank god. Okay. Hi.”
“N -” Andrew glanced at Wymack before turning away. “What’s going on?”
“The chances of me being able to contact you from now on will be slim to none: with two of them gone, I have to step in.���
“Christ,” Andrew muttered, stubbing out his cigarette. “Where are you now?”
“Bathroom,” Neil muttered. “Some stupid event thing for his business front. I’m not who matters right now. Do you have family that’s traceable to you? A next of kin?”
“You’ve met Nicky and Erik,” Andrew said, suddenly cold all over. “My twin and his wife live in Chicago.”
“They should be alright,” Neil murmured. “But Nicky and Erik have to go. Can they win a flight overseas? I’ll wire you through money if you need it -” 
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll sort it out.”
“You need to be careful,” Neil insisted. “He’s going to come after you. That’s twice your name’s been on the front of the arrest records. I’ve sorted something out, okay?”
“Forgive me if that sounds less that appealing.”
Neil laughed weakly. “It’s not a pretty solution, but it’ll work. You have to keep working, and if I can’t keep interacting with you without blowing this whole thing over, then our only choice is...” 
“Allison,” Andrew muttered. “Jesus Christ.”
Neil hummed in agreement. “She’ll pick you up from yours in an hour. Be ready.”
“How does she know where I live?”
“Like she doesn’t track my every move, Minyard. She’s my accomplice. Gotta go, now. He’ll get suspicious.” 
Something twisted in Andrew’s throat. “Stay safe.”
Neil paused, then mumbled “You too,” and disconnected the call. 
Wymack was watching him with an arched brow. 
Andrew shrugged. “My CI’s quick.”
“Unpredictable asshole,” his boss muttered, shooing him off with a derisive flick of his fingers. Andrew saluted him as he departed, before twisting on his heel and jogging back to his car. 
*
“Guest room, guest bathroom, living room, kitchen, blah, blah.” Allison waved her hand around emphatically, her manicured nails glittering with rhinestones and pearls. They were probably real, if her apartment was anything to go by. 
Everything was white, grey or pink, aside from the dark-oak parquetry on her floors. The marble countertops were polished to sparkle, every device in her kitchen practically unused. It was Nicky’s dream penthouse. 
“It pays to murder, doesn’t it?” Andrew wondered when he’d inherited Neil’s loose tongue. 
The look Allison gave him was withering. “I don’t murder. I clean up.”
“Because complacency is so much better than participation.”
She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe Nicky didn’t tell me you were a fucking cop. Would’ve never set you up on a date if I knew.”
“I’m going to have his father in max security by the end of the year,” Andrew reminded her. “Don’t make me abandon the case.”
She grinned. “You wouldn’t. He’s got you wrapped around his finger.” At Andrew’s glare, she waved him off. “Don’t worry: he’s just like that. I never said that I ain’t wrapped around his finger too. It’s impossible to not want to shield him away, wrap him in copious amounts of blankets, kiss his forehead and tell him it’ll be okay. I tried it once,” she grimaced. “It didn’t work.”
Andrew didn’t picture Neil, a mobster’s son, wrapped in blankets on Andrew’s couch, smiling (genuinely) as Andrew pressed a kiss to the corner of his eye. He did not picture that. He did not. 
“For what it’s worth,” Allison said, in a voice softer than Andrew thought she was capable of as she looked out the enormous windows that overlooked Baltimore’s busiest district. “I’m glad he trusts you. And I’m glad you’re helping us.”
“Don’t get sappy on me, Reynolds,” he pointed at her in warning. “I’ll lock you up too, if you give me a reason to.”
Her laugh was pearlescent, her grin cat-like. “Neil would scalp you before you could even say my full name. Don’t forget, Minyard,” she winked. “I’ve got him wrapped around my finger, too.”
*
this will continue in p.2 with july-december!! after that we’ll go back to our regularly scheduled softness and humour. i’ve already got another one-shot planned around kevin and neil.... :D
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deadmomjokes · 4 years
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For me, part of being asexual means that I get really, REALLY grouchy about a lot of romance in media. Rather, the obsession with romance, sex, and sexuality in media. I am that person that will roll my eyes and turn off a movie if it looks like it’s turning into some steamy nonsense, and I will never willingly sit through a romcom even if you paid me. Sex scenes? I’m out. Passionate kissing? Peace, I’m going to the kitchen, want anything? Call me back when the actual story gets back on. Ridiculous ‘ooh they have such SEXUAL TENSION and chemistry, let’s see how close we can get to making them kiss and just have them breathe heavily in each others faces to get our audience all bothered’? I will end you all. I HATE when books or movies or shows throw in a romantic or sexy subplot just for the lols, at least what I perceive as the lols. Basically, a romance has to be really super duper well-crafted for me to get behind it and not be just utterly enraged or completely turned off from the story.
(Also please note that when I use the term romance in this context, I’m using it as a catch all for ship-based storylines that, due to our culture’s obsession with sex, usually include or hinge on sex or kissy scenes.)
That being said. When a romance is done well, and I mean really well, I absolutely 100% lose my mind. I feel that mess in my soul.
So with that introduction, allow me to lay out a few of my favorite (and, in some instances, most maddeningly painful) romances/canon ships in media.
(read more because I went off. like I said, I feel this way too deeply when it’s done well.)
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Winry Rockbell and Edward Elric in FMA:B. Slow burn, mutual pining, mutual cluelessness, what’s not to love? So soft and tender and funny all at the same time, and the mad respect Ed has for Winry is absolutely delightful. She does her own thing, and he’s totally supportive, just as she is of him. And a happily ever after??? UGH, I can’t, it’s perfect. The most straightforward and least convoluted of my whole list, and it’s comparatively easy to breeze through. FMA:B is great anyhow, so do yourself a favor and go watch it.
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Audrey Parker/ Nathan Wuornos in Haven (with major caveats). Caveats first: they went overboard with the sexy stuff in my opinion. It got too smutty for me, but my tolerance for that stuff is super low, and it did still air on TV, so evidently it wasn’t as bad for the target audience as it was for my sex-in-media-repulsed self. I also find the final seasons to get a bit stale and repetitive in terms of them trying to advance the love story narrative (all the plot points for it got addressed in earlier episodes/seasons, so why are we going over it again??). They also have a bit of an issue in some episodes with dragging out conflicts because the characters just won’t talk to each other like adults. But overall, taken as a whole, it hits hard. Again, we have a slow burn, mutual pining dynamic that starts as a genuine platonic friendship, and transforms into a dimension and time defying chosen soulmates love story for the ages. The things they would do to save each other, even if it means they can never be together, just so they have the joy of knowing that their beloved is okay. The tiny ways they take care of each other- Audrey testing Nathan’s coffee to see if it’s too hot, Nathan slowing down so he doesn’t out-pace her, it’s just adorable.
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Faramir and Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings BOOKS. This is an interesting one because it happens really quickly and between two minor characters. But Tolkien did this really interesting thing where he established these two characters separately, and then brought them together and played off what we knew about each of them in context of everything else that had happened with the main story, and suddenly it has, as one of my professors would say, “the illusion of depth.” Faramir absolutely falls head over heels for Eowyn but won’t act until she can deal with her own crap and be emotionally available. Eowyn realizes that she was hung up on ideals, illusions, and false dichotomies. Faramir has been through a lot and is looking for peace. Eowyn is looking for who she really is when she realizes she has more than two choices in life. They find healing together, and in the process, find what they were looking for in each other. And all that happens in the space of, like, 4 pages. I LOVE IT.
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Sam Carter and Jack O’Neill in Stargate SG1. This one will hurt you to no end. You will hate life. But gosh dang if they aren’t perfect. This is the slowest burn and most mutual pining of all slow burn mutual pining ships to ever grace media. I’m talking 8 seasons of these two sharing feelings but being unable to express it for one reason or another. What are those reasons, you ask? Jack is her superior and respects her too much to put her in that position. No fraternization on the team. Sam has career aspirations, he won’t ruin her life. He’s got his own issues to work through and knows he isn’t emotionally available. Sam is clueless for a while, then when she realizes she has feelings for him but it couldn’t be because of their work dynamic and because he’s still dealing with his own crap, she tries to move on but keeps coming back to the unspoken fact that she still loves him. To the point that she breaks off her own engagement to a great guy because she realizes she was only trying to move on-- and wasn’t successful. They are clearly in deep for each other, and yet they keep making excuses why they can’t say it.
In the whole series, they never officially get together, and I HATE THAT. There are multiple alternate realities and timelines where they are together, and happy, but in the main timeline, they can’t get over themselves, and it hurts so bad because they’re so perfect. Jack knows she’s the smartest person in the room, and he supports her and defends her and listens to and defers to her. He respects her first as an expert, then as a colleague, and then as a woman whom he deeply loves even though he can’t find it in him to love himself. She appreciates his experience and leadership, and trusts him implicitly. She knows she’s got more book smarts, but relies on his judgement and ability to remain calm under pressure. She also knows she can be real with him, and he knows that when she calls him on his BS he better listen. She is his conscience, and he is her backbone. And in between episodes where they’re clearly pining for each other, and even during, they’re really great friends and a great team. I could seriously write an essay on why this ship is both perfect and intensely frustrating, but then again, you could just watch a great and classic series and see what I mean for yourself. (Then you’d also get to meet the perfection that is Teal’c, and watch Daniel Jackson’s transition from Milo Thatch in Space to sassy beefcake demigod who still loves archaeology.)
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Beren and Luthien, Tolkien part 2, electric boogaloo. A love so powerful it transcends death, fate, hell and heaven all at once. It’s kind of wild and not what you’d expect if you’ve only read LotR (or only seen the movies), because it’s more a classic fairy tale than anything, but hot dang if it isn’t still one of the most powerful, moving, deeply impactful love stories in all of writing. It’s even a “love at first sight” narrative and I STILL fall hard for it. This story legit moves me to tears every dang time I read it, or even think about it too hard.
It starts as a simple “forbidden love” story, but these two loved each other so much that they defied one of the most powerful kings in all the world at that time (who was also Luthien’s dad, oopsies), defied Satan himself and marched into Hell just for the chance to be together, and then changed the very way the world works forever just so they could stay together and not be parted. Luthien is a total BEAST, while never giving up her gentle, loving, and tender nature. For the love of this man, she defies her father’s wishes and breaks herself out of her own dang tower to go rescue her prince instead of the other way round, she sends Sauron (yeah, he’s here too!) scurrying with his tail between his legs, wrecks his house, and frees all his slaves and prisoners just to try and get to Beren, drags his butt out of heck part 1, then willingly walks into literal, actual Hell with him and proceeds to enchant Satan and all the demons within. Then she gets her bf outta there after he loses his hand, and goes back to face her father unafraid. Basically, Beren undertakes a literally impossible task just for the chance to be with Luthien, but Luthien is the one that makes it happen because she loves him too much to sit around knowing he’s going to die. She’s willing to die with him rather than live without him, but more willing to dare death to come at her and get some because ain’t no way she’s losing him.
Then, at the last, when all should have been their happily ever after, everything goes wrong and she loses her beloved, and instead of mourning forever, she yeets off her mortal coil out of pure “Oh no you didn’t, not after all we went through” just to go stand before the God of Fate and the Dead and plead with him to change the rules of the universe itself just so that she can be with Beren. And he does it, because their love is so strong. Just for them, all of existence is rewritten so that they might never be parted.
And if you don’t think that’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, consider also: these two crazy kids were so wonderful that the Goodest Boy in all the world, a functionally immortal and super-intelligent dog sent from heaven itself by a literal god, willingly turned on all his masters and spontaneously learned intelligent speech just so he could help them out and be their Good Boy til the bitter end, thus (in Tolkien’s mythos) starting the whole “man’s best friend” thing with dogs. So yeah. And, uh, Tolkien based it on him and his wife, to the point of ripping their first meeting frame-for-frame from real life. It’s too much y’all.
Anyhow, this post is way, way too long, but I was just feeling the need to get that out there. Maybe I’ll have more in the future, but for now, this is what was on my mind. Particularly the last two.
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comradelionheart · 3 years
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This is where I feel safest.
In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.
No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.
I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress. 
Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.
I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭
But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer. 
Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.
I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres. 
Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.
But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.
Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.
Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.
The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞
Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.
Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her. 
Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.
I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?
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eventyrstuff · 4 years
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Every Kdrama I’ve watched under the cut, to keep track and for recommendations.
Warning: Spoilers, few unpopular opinions ahead, please bear in mind: to each their own.
2009
·       You’re Beautiful – 16 amusing episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? This was the era of female leads pretending to be male (Hana Kimi, Ouran etc), but I still loved it. We follow the story of the female lead (who was a Nun at the beginning) who pretended to be her twin brother and become a part of the country’s current hottest band because her twin had a cosmetic surgery mishap (lol). It’s mostly trying to fit in and try not to get exposed but of course our male lead discovered her true identity thus begin her suffering and second also knows but did not admit it thus begin his unrequited love and comic relief and best character in the series was left in the dark thus begin questioning his sexuality 7/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES. Park Shin Hye is love and Jang Geun Seuk’s smile is freaking adorable. 9/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? JEREMY AND SHINWOO AND JOLIE YES. 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? MOST DEF. I fell in love with PSH’s “Lovely Day” and “ Without Words”, ANJELL’s “Still” and “Promise” though I prefer Lee Hong Ki’s version 8/10 o   Would you rewatch? I’ll definitely rewatch, I would love to compare my opinion back in my tween years and opinion now   o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Episode 6 – Shin Woo and Mi Nam’s pseudo date (totally heartbreaking for tween me) Episode 11 – supermarket scene was the best, Episode 13 – Cooking scenes was hilarious, every scene with Jeremy, TAE KYUNG AND THE PIG o   Words Association: GO MI NAM, Pig-Rabbit, JOLIE!, Fly me to the moon, “hyung, vinegar?” o   Yes it has overused plots, common conflicts and family drama but the characters and their dynamics are truly worth watching this and if you need a good laugh (this drama has a looooot of funny scenes), this one is for you. 8/10
2011
·       Heartstrings – 15 forgotten episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? It’s a college drama involving modern and traditional Korean music. I honest to God forgot the whole drama, I think there was rivalry between the main leads? 6/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? Not sure, but if it’s Park Shin Hye, I guess so, sorry I’m shit at remembering this drama o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I forgot so I guess not? o   Are the OSTs compelling? I am pretty sure it got an amazing Osts with having Park Shin Hye and CN Blue’s Yong Hwa but the only thing I remember was the song “Byeul” or Star and it was sung by the secondary character but it was really catchy o   Would you rewatch? Looks like I need to rewatch since I mostly forgot this drama o   Will rate once I have rewatched but if you shipped Yong Hwa and Park Shin Hye’s characters in You’re Beautiful, this one is for you.
Then after years of Jdramas, Anime, Mangas, YA books I returned to Kdramaland in…
2018
·       Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo – 16 charming episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? College athletes’ coming of age drama, added a dash of love and friendship and dreams. Strong female lead and affectionate male lead, sign me the fuck up. 9/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I AM EMOTIONALLY INVESTED WITH THE LEADS PERSONAL AND LOVE LIVES. YES. 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? YES EVEN THE CAMEOS (Hello Lee Jong Suk who I haven’t watched any of his drama yet at the time and Ji Soo) 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I downloaded 2 of their OSTs (You&I and Dreaming), it was the first Korean songs in my playlist 9/10 o   Would you rewatch? Absolutely o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: “BOK JOO, WATCH OUT!”, “YOU DIE, I WILL KILL YOU”, Snow kisses, the gang in the amusement park, THAT SCENE WITH JISOO AND JOO HYUK o   Word Association: SWAG, Messi, Chicken, Samgyupsal, WHAT, Chubs o   I totally recommend to everyone, it has a unique plot, still not over the main lead’s chemistry, you’ll fall in love with the whole story. 10/10
 ·       The Heirs – 20 clichéd episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? It’s your typical rich man poor woman plot, high school setting oozing with alpha males and lots of trope scenes, if only female lead was also an heir or they develop more on her character it will be memorable, I can’t really differentiate with other dramas with the same plot – well except the male lead’s mother is not your typical mother who absolutely hates the female lead 3/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? No, not really more on the secondary characters, both male and female leads are meh 2/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? With the mute mother and FL’s bestfriend and his girlfriend yes, everyone else is forgettable 3/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I only remember “Love is a moment” because it was used by fanmade crack videos on youtube ahahaha 2/10 o   Would you rewatch? Probably no. o   I guess if you are a big fan of Boys Over Flowers and looking for the same genre this one’s for you, this did not really age well for me, probably would have loved this if I watched back when I was in highschool – reminds me of wattpad days. 3/10
 ·       W: Two Worlds – 16 enthralling episodes (Started 2018 Finished 2020)
o   Is the plot interesting? The plot is what compelled me to watch this drama, male lead is a webtoon character created by the female lead but made famous by her father. Male lead does not have your best childhood experiences but became really successful as an adult but there are mysterious instances that put his life on danger, the female lead (doctor) was drawn in on the comic and saved his life, unknowingly her actions changed the course of the story and it reflected on the comic in the real world – this was truly a good concept 9/10 because I actually forgot I started this drama last 2018 then rewatched and finished this 2020, I am still confused. o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? THE CHEMISTRY WAS ON THE ROOF ON THIS ONE. I DIDN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE OTHER CHARACTERS 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I was actually more focused on the main leads, did not exactly give much attention to other characters 3/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I only liked “Where are you” but it was sung by that guy who was jailed among other things so I don’t know how I feel now. Still the opening was lit o   Would you rewatch? Yes, I will try to fully understand what the mechanics or rules of being a webtoon character and being alive in the real world o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: KISS IN THE JAIL was the first thing that came to my mind, also real life scenes to comic scenes and vice versa- kudos to the artists, slap and kiss scene, the flashing scene, 4 romantic concepts scene, the adorable scenes recreating the illustration book, the transition when yeon Joo dropped her ring, the hospital bed scene o   Words Association: #4, handcuffs, all the winks, sudden “saranghaeyo”, ring, bus stop, “to be continued” o   This drama was amazing for the first 10 episodes then became complicated after, I loved the chemistry between the 2 main leads but unfortunately overpowered the whole story – don’t get me wrong I love love stories, but my reaction was the same as those who read the comics – too much cutesy stuff they forgot the storyline, I wanted them to explore the W show, but they focused on filling the plothole for the murderer which created more conflicts and confusing scenes. The line between the comic and real word created plot devices and more questions. This drama has flaws but cool premise though, I hate amnesia plot on any drama but it was well incorporated on this one. 8/10
·       Goblin – 16 amazing Episodes (Finished, rewatched 2020)
o   Is the plot interesting? A general in Goryeo dynasty got punished by the Gods to be immortal and his sword still in his chest only the Goblin bride can take it off so he can be at peace and die. Immortal lead with a side of grim reaper as best friend, charming female lead with a confident female boss – a story with reincarnation and ghosts, scenes that will tug your heart – yes, one of Kdrama Masterpiece 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? At first no no with the age gap but yes, I say while crying o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? HELL TO THE YES, DEOK HWA, GRAMPS, SECRETARY KIM, HELLO CUTIE TAE HEE, SUNNY AND GRIM REAPER 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL OSTS, particularly “Round and Round”, “I Miss You”, “Stay with Me” and even without lyrics I still worship “When the time stops” aka the music that speaks to your soul 10/10 o   Would you rewatch? YES ALREADY DID BRUH WILL DO AGAIN o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every bromance scene, I got hooked by the scene in the first ep where Eun Tak celebrated her birthday with her ghost mother, epic goblin and grim reaper modelling in the highway, everytime sunny flips her hair, grim reaper and his guests in the tea shop o   Word Association: Canada, sad love, candles, rain, chicken, tea, car crash *sorry not sorry* o   Totally recommended, well-deserved on its popularity. Will make you laugh and cry, at the same time. Acting skillz man. 10/10
 ·       Strong Woman Do Bong Soon – 16 whacky episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? Female lead has super strength which was actually passed down to every woman born in her family, she wants to be a game developer but instead got hired as bodyguard of our male lead who is a ceo of a gaming company 8/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I remember that I did, I was? I need to rewatch haha o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I remembered I did not like Ji soo’s character and don’t really remember other characters… o   Are the OSTs compelling? Can’t quite remember so I need to - o   Would you rewatch? Yeahp, will do o   I’ll do a rewatch before rating
I had a watch list back in 2018, but then I became busy with work and life until…
2020 (Details will be more longer since every Kdrama is still fresh on my mind)
·       My ID is Gangnam Beauty – 16 pretty episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? Basically, female lead deems herself ugly and undergone a plastic surgery to fully change her face before attending the university – but a popular guy back in highschool (junior high?) was also attending the same uni and recognized her – it’s a mellow sort of drama tackling Korean beauty and it’s extent, still cute story tho 7/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? We must protect Mi-rae at all cost, Cha Eun Woo’s character is a little bit emotionally constipated but Eun Woo is *swoon* 8/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I am all for Mi-rae’s family and childhood friend, Kyung Seok’s sister, Yoo eun was very notable as well, I love how her character is completely fair and understanding 7/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? “D-day” and “True” is a bop to listen to, everytime I hear “Something” all I remember is Cha Eun Woo’s slow mo glance, other OST is a bop but not enough for me to put on my playlist 6/10 o   Would you rewatch? Probably but not right now o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: New face dance, bathroom scene with Kyung Seok beating the shit out of their senior, whenever Kyung Seok is annoyed with Soo-A but total heart eyes mode with Mi Rae, Cinema pseudo date – eating popcorn using straws, when he changed the color of his hair, Kyung Seok’s ID when he was a waiter, their high school date, and that last sweet scene in the final episode o   Word Association: gangnam, perfume, plastic, umbrella, soju o   I wasn’t planning on watching kdramas again after a long time but this quarantine just makes you do things and no regrets at all, MIIGB probably isn’t the best of the best but it definitely made me want to watch more kdramas and lo and behold more kdramas watched in a span of 2 months than in a year back in 2018. I love how it tackles on true beauty and female oppression and how idiotic alpha male trope is 7/10
 ·       While You Were Sleeping – 16 not enough episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? A prosecutor, a reporter and a cop can see the future when they sleep, which helps them in solving cases and do their best to change it. Every case is fascinating makes you say “ohhhhh” when they present their defense and I am like *chef kiss* I love the premise and the supernatural part of the story. 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES. JAE CHAN AND HONG JOO ARE ADORKABLE AND HAS INSANE VISUALS  10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? HAVE YOU MET JUNG HAE IN, THE PROSECUTOR TEAM WAS THE BEST. YES. EVEN THE SIDE CHARACTERS ON CASES AND THE VILLAINS 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I usually don’t hear the OSTs while focusing on a scene but boy oh boy, OSTs stole everything, I am obsessed with the whole album. The melody and tune is very captivating everytime you hear it you just want to embed it on your brain. If you are still having second thoughts watching this drama, listen to it’s OSTs the feels they give is the same feels when you watch 1000/10 o   Would you rewatch? I’ve watched it again after finishing it so yes, 100% yes, need more episodes still having withdrawal syndrome, still watching fanmade videos on youtube o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every episode lol, the opening sequence, the outro scenes in episode 2 and 3 (with that background music), everytime “It’s you”, “You belong to my world”, “When night falls” and “I love you boy” is the bg music, every Jae Chan and Hong Joo parallel (Episode 2 and 16 particularly), OT3 scenes, the shadow picture, KISS IN THE RAIN, IN THE SAKURA TREE AND THE ALMOST KISS IN THE CAR if I list down all of my fave, I will be writing the whole summary of each episode. Hmmm. o   Words Association: Snow hug, sakura kiss, batman and robin, scarf, JUST ICE, choir, seatbelt, samgyupsal, femme fatale, lip balm o   I HIGHLY RECOMMEND. ULTIMATE FAVE. I AM BIASED SHUTTUP. JUST WATCH. NONE CAN COMPARE. NUFF SAID. 100000/10 SOMEONE FANGIRL WITH ME
 ·       Pinocchio – 20 important episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? This whole drama is about mass media and its major influence on anyone’s life and it is so powerful. We have a male lead whose family has experienced the impact of misguided news and it is painful to watch because this really happens irl at worse, this is due to a reporter which is our female lead’s mother. Now our female lead has Pinocchio Syndrome hence the drama title, she can’t help but hiccup when she lies, it’s very interesting to know why both leads wanted to be a reporter given their situation 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES, I JUST WANNA HUG THEM. Imagine having a condition that forces you to tell the truth, you can’t keep your feelings, privacy or secrets at all and to add an indifferent mother who did not care for your dreams but more on publicity. Imagine having a dream and working hard to reach it but after college you fail every job interview and it’s so realistic I just ashfdsjfha (Except the Pinocchio syndrome part but come on) Imagine experiencing a childhood where you don’t know what happened to your firefighter father, is the news about him running away true because it was his fault all those other firefighters are dead? Imagine your brother doing his best to hold your family together because your mother is on the verge of nervous breakdown to the point of pushing her to choose death, pulling you to a hug and just jump? Imagine this male lead fighting every chance to not love this girl who is the daughter of the reason why his family is gone now and could not leave her because she is also the reason why he decided to fight for the injustice done to his family and to others victims of fake news and they are so supportive of each other. It freaking hurts and I’m sorry I just have a lot of emotions for these two 1000000/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? YEEEEES, GRANDPA AND FATHER, I LOVE THEIR FAMILY DYNAMICS SO MUCH WHEN GRANDPA CRIED I CRIED! EVEN JA MYUNG HYUNG who has not enough episode in THEY DESERVE TO BE TOGETHER NOT JUST FOR ONE EPISODE. EVEN BEOM JU, YOO RAE, NITPICKER JANG, CAPTAIN, BOTH CAPTAINS ACTUALLY, CHAN SOO AND HIS FAMILY EVEN I LOVE TO HATE THE VILLAINS 100/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I was too focused on the intensity of the story but I do love the bg music –“First Love”, “The Only Person”, “Pinocchio” are few notable OSTs 8/10 o   Would you rewatch? YES FREAKING YES, I REWATCHED AFTER WATCHING IT o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Episode 16 as a whole, because main lead conflict with each other was resolved and that dinner scene is one I always rewatch, of course episode 1 introduction for Dal Po is freaking hilarious, Episode 2’s “Because I like you” damn feels, snow kiss, all the grandpa scenes and brother scenes, that scene when In ha remembered being drunk, that scene where Dal Po meets his brother again and I just ahjasgdjhsdgf, the intense debate and paralleling it in the seminar, the Christmas episode pyung pyung pyung my heart huhu o   Word Association: Six Degrees Separation, rumor, button, MSC/YGN News, traffic cones, hiccups, piggy banks, text messages, family o   EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH THIS. I LOVE EVERY PART. IT WAS ON MY WATCHLIST LAST 2018 WHY DID I NOT WATCHED IT THEN. THE ACTING THOUGH YOU JUST FEEL THEIR INTENSE EMOTIONS THROUGH THE SCREEN. FEELS EVERYWHERE. 100000/10
 ·       Romance Is A Bonus Book – 16 heartwarming episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? It’s about romance and books! Lee Jong Suk is on it what more can you ask for? Kidding aside it tells a story of a 30 something mother who to go back to work after 12 years which left a huge gap on her resume, she also got recently divorced and experiencing the repercussion of that, all of the job she applied for has focused on her work gap instead of her skills (which by the way as an HR a very hard truth). She applied as a support role on a publishing company and got hired but by omitting a lot of things on her resume. Oh and her childhood friend, our male lead is actually a co-owner and editor of the company. And he is also in love with her since high school. 9/10 but the fluffiness of the whole series is worth 10/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? YES, Dan-I is totally relatable and Eun Ho is lovable. I love their relationship so much they are each other’s home. 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? With Hae-rin (COME OOON UNREQUITED LOVE AGAIN WITH LJS CHARACTER?), Seo Joon, President Kim, Manager Seo, and our very own Gangnam Leopard YES. Others not so much. 8/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? The OSTs are feel good, the kind of playlist you want to hear when you read or travelling, point to “Rainbow”, “Walking on Sunshine”, “Happy End”also the heart churning feels when “You’re Beautiful” and “ A Story I couldn’t see” begins playing in the bg 10/10 o   Would you rewatch? YES over and over and over again o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: The first episode with the wedding visuals, so aesthetic with the running in the highway, the power dance was so out of place but it was adorable, the scene where Dan-I reminisce her married life and it just breaks your heart, the essay part of her application is just motivating and sad, WHEN EUN HO WAS DRUNK AND WENT TO DAN-I’s PLACE BECAUSE HE ALWAYS GO THERE WHEN HE MISSES HER AND I JUST AHGSHJAGDKJGHJ, “If that’s love, I love her then”, GANGNAM LEOPARD CLUB SCENE, the subtle Snow confession (what’s with LJS and Snow???) the long brown overcoats comes out I’m there, when Eun Ho rejected Hae Rin so nicely I cry, movie date, the day Dan-I and Eun Ho spent together at their house, all the book pages at the end of each episode o   Words Association: THE MOON IS BEAUTIFUL, noona, power pose, love letters, books, seasons change, cucumber allergy, April 23 o   This drama is literally a warm blanket on a rainy day. Recommended if you want a pure love story with almost no conflict and mellow storyline – just the thought of finding love and home in the same person is truly heartwarming. For aspiring writers and book lovers! Love the quotable quotes in it and the warm feels it gives 10/10
 ·       Extraordinary You – 16 extraordinary episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? We follow the story of the extras in a comic book. Get it? EXTRAordinary you, haha okaaaay, anyway, its fictional characters becoming aware that they are fictional characters and trying to change their fates, having a life of their own outside the “stage” and all around creating chaos – breaking the 4th wall if you will. We have your cliché high school filled with rich kids and an elite group called A3 (which was funny bc it was almost mocking F4), then we have the female lead who thought she was the main character of the story but was only the love bridge extra for the main characters. And our beautiful male lead who does not even have a name. Very attention-grabbing 10/10 also just found out the drama was based on a webtoon, so it’s a webtoon inside a webtoon nice. o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? Dan-Oh is a fun character to watch, her range of emotions and the way she acts in and out of the stage deserves a standing ovation, I don’t mind Ro Woon’s visual too haha 9/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? Yes to Lee Do Hwa (Because violin playing cutiepie), Joo Da (girl became aware and finally got claws at the end) and Dried Squid Fairy and Su Hyang (because their history is interesting) , not really into Bae Kyung or Nam Joo (who was 2dimensional character until the end) 8/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I loved all the instrumental background music especially “Highschool Runway”, Also “My Beauty” which was very kdrama-esque ending song 7/10 o   Would you rewatch? BIG YES o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: Every Dan-Oh and Do Hwa’s internal monologue and their bromance, every time Dan Oh breaks character but the page flips, every time she curse and criticize the writer, checking the male population’s back, when Dan-oh opened the umbrella and we got to see Haru’s face *dokidoki*, every reaction when they transition from stage to shadow, I mean kudos to Kim Hye Yoon’s acting from crying to laughing then from head over heels over Bae Kyung then cringing at herself , “It’s Bae Kyung Time”, the scene where Haru and Dan-oh was holding hands and here comes third wheel Do Hwa the way they reacted with Dan Oh’s “Annyeong Lee Do Hwa” made me rofl o   Word Association: AYUUU JINJJA, HARUYAAAAA, stage, shadow, page flips, October 10, secret, flower o   I love the concept and how it felt like writing fanfiction, you put your favorite characters in alternative universes or different setting and watch them fall in love all over again – in this case destiny also plays a huge part since the writer continuously separate them but they still fall in love with each other outside the stage. It’s fun to see the other side or the fillers whenever characters are not on acting on stage, they have more character depth and development. I definitely love the Sageuk and College AU part. 9/10
 ·       Graceful Family – 16 wild episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? It’s a drama full of Makjang so we are riding on a rollercoaster ride, I am here for all of it gimme gimme that outrageous plot with a dash of crazy family on the side and a group of people who cleans up their messes 9/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? SEOK HEE IS THE BEST FEMALE LEAD YET FREAKING BADASS BITCH QUEEN. Yoon Do is okay but really overpowered by Seok Hee’s strong personality 10/10 for Seok Hee o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? I am very interested in Ms. Han and the Top Team’s deal unfortunately it was not addressed further in the series, wouldn/t mind a mini sequel with them as the main characters, Choi Na Ri and Seo Jin is loooove, and I love Wan Soo with all my heart even after everything that happened 9/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? “Liar” is on my playlist solely for me to feel as badass as Seok Hee and “Black Diamond” because it plays with your emotions 8/10 o   Would you rewatch? Solely for all the WTF moments o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: ALL THE DINING TABLE SCENES, opening scene in the first episode got me hooked, all Seok Hee scenes made me stay, Wan Soo’s hilarious scenes, that whole hanbok shop scene, whole jail fiasco, when Seok Hee fights head to head with TOP management, PICASSO’S FUNERAL SCENE, Episode 9 when Choi Na Ri moved in, episode 15’s biggest plot twist, Episode 16 and it’s whole 1 hour and 45 minutes of drama o   Word Association: Home sweet home, Cannes, Picasso, power vacuum, kingmaker, Auntie o   It has a lot of flaws, plotholes and characters you wished was fleshed out but man what an exhilarating ride it was. I love all the dirty secrets in the closets and plot twists (won’t spoil just watch it!) but Seok Hee is definitely the show stealer for me. Soo Hyang’s character here is starkly different with her character in My ID is Gangnam Beauty and it’s really amazing. 9/10
 ·       Hi, Bye Mama – 16 heartbreaking episodes (Finished)
o   Is the plot interesting? This is all about mother’s love and the life she left behind. Our female lead died in an accident and has been a ghost for five years watching over her family especially her daughter, she watched how her family moved on – her husband remarried and her daughter grew up with a different mother. The Gods has given her a chance to live again if she gets back her place within 49 days – this means she get the chance to become human again and finally meet her daughter. 9/10 o   Am I emotionally invested on the Main Leads? I AM EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ALL OF THEM. 10/10 o   Did I grew attached to the secondary characters? SEO WOO YAAAAAA, Min Jung, her whole family and best friends even the other ghosts and their painful stories YES. 10/10 o   Are the OSTs compelling? I was busy crying and could not really hear the bg music because all I hear is my heart breaking a million times. But “Happy” made me happy and sad at the same time and the haunting “Same Town, New Story” instrumental is love o   Would you rewatch? I am not sure if I’m ready to cry again o   Favorite Episode/Scenes: whole episode 8 is where I broke down crying – I know this whole series is about mother’s and their unconditional love but episode 8 showed fathers and their incomparable love to their daughters and I just asjhdajksd the epilogue in this episode just made me cry nonstop – I am actually crying just remembering that scene, every epilogue will make you ugly cry, every time Seo Woo smiles, Episode 11 and that epic showdown in Kid’s café, when Yu Ri became human again and how happy she was she can hold Seo Woo, every scene with her and Seo Woo bonding, Gang Hwa and the egg,  the list of things she wants to do, when Seo Woo finally called her MAMA o   Words Association: mother, stepmom, ghosts,  “I am happy”, shaman, egg, 49 days o   I am emotionally exhausted watching this show, I cried on every episode, this definitely hurt me in every way possible. Highly recommended if you want a good long nonstop cry 10/10
Dramas I did not completely watched sans a few episodes, finished by skipping scenes or reading drama reviews. Warning: total unpopular opinions
2009
·       Boys Over Flowers – we all know Hana Yori Dango is superior, I just got bored of recycled scenes and I really don’t like LMH here, sorry
2018
·       Scarlet Heart Ryeo - Plot is very interesting but Sageuk dramas are not my cup of tea, reminds me of Fushigi Yuugi which I hated when I was a kid dunno why haha, will look for my motivation to watch the whole drama ·       Oh My Ghostess – got spoiled, skipped and just read episode summary
2020
·       Hello Monster – did not even finish 1st episode, skipped through episode 2 -3, too many plot holes, just read last episode spoilers ·       Hotel De Luna – finished 7 episodes got distracted by work and life. Plotline is interesting and characters look promising, will rewatch but I already know the spoilers and ending ·       School 2013 – just read the dramabeans episode reviews, may watch but reminds me of Gokusen concept (which I do love but very repetitive) so may not ·       Suspicious Partner – I liked the plot but unfortunately did not care too much on the main mystery of the whole show which was who the actual murderer is, did not like the shared childhood trauma, but acting still was good, its just the storyline ·       Doctor Stranger – I seriously would have loved to finish this because LJS’s acting skills on point (how can he be that seriously angry in North Korea then be clumsy adorkable in South? Howww) but alas, the female lead storyline is cringy I stopped at episode 6, read reviews and it would have been 20 wasted episodes for me ·       What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim – full of stereotypical tropes I could not finish, too romcom for me and could not invest too much about their history
Watchlist (2020)
·       Hospital Playlist ·       Crash Landing On You ·       Kill Me, Heal Me ·       I Am Not A Robot ·       Sky Castle ·      Love Alarm
Hit me up with your recommendations, better yet your favorite kdrama and reasons why it’s your fave!
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Spencer x Ghost?
Spencer x Ghost
(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!
For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3
Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)
Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.
We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost
Anyway I think this ship is really cute
They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue
One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in
I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY
And Ghost would let this dream come true???
I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.
(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)
Back on topic
I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date
It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”
They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive
We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.
Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.
Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)
Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.
Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.
I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.
(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)
(You absolutely may)
Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”
imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him
I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.
Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*
Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”
Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*
So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]
Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*
Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)
(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)
They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt
Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji
“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”
Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass
Pros:
They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)
I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms
Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree
So is Ghost so this can only go well
Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”
Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears
The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam
Cons:
Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff
They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.
They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit
Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP
Conclusions:
I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D
So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3
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aladygrieve · 4 years
Text
Merlin/Arthur Fic Rec
** - Favourite
FANDOM CLASSICS
Castle (The Rules by Which We Live) by kickflaw Word count: 16,200 Summary: Merlin knows that getting off fastest when he’s got some BDSM porno playing loud on the computer doesn’t mean he’d really like to be that bloke, gagged and bent over and bound. Right? Notes: Modern AU and the best BDSM I’ve ever read.
Destiny That Darkly Hides Us by Nympha_Alba Word count: 63,000 Summary: It’s 1913, the practice of homosexuality is unlawful, so is the practice of magic. When Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys meet as Cambridge undergrads, they’re both hungry for a real and true connection without secrets. For a short time they believe they may have found it. But war breaks out and separates them, and it seems unlikely that they will meet again. After all, what are the odds? Notes: Includes reincarnation!
Drastically Redefining Protocol by rageprufrock Word count: 46,000 WIP Summary:In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose. Notes: Modern AU in which Merlin is a chain-smoking med student and Arthur is the womanizing Prince of Wales. Includes several companion stories.
**The Student Prince by FayJay Word count: 145,200 Summary: A modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love… Notes: Because really, no rec list is complete without the novel-length jewel of the Merlin fandom. It’s plotty, beautifully written and perfectly in-character, and is especially dear to my heart now that I’ve actually visited St. Andrews. I highly recommend the podfic, as FayJay is an incredible reader.
REINCARNATION/FINALE-COMPLIANT
Hold My Heart Until it Beats by ingberry Word count: 1920 Summary: Arthur dies and waits for Albion to need him again. But most of all he waits for Merlin. Notes: Great use of the Arthur waits trope.
**Hopeless Wanderer by Magnolia822 Word count: 18,500 Summary: Merlin has been wandering the world for hundreds of years alone; one day a young blond man moves into the flat upstairs. But does Arthur remember? Notes: Still my all-time favourite reincarnation fic.
I Keep Going Over the World We Knew (Over and Over) by Mellacita Word count: 51,100 Summary: When Merlin Emrys is sent on a ‘round-the-world assignment, he begins remembering a life of magic, dragons, and kings. To make matters worse, a strange woman starts stalking him along the way. And that’s before he even meets Arthur Pendragon, whose answer to climate change is going to save the world. Because apparently just saving Britain won’t be enough this time around. Notes: Plotty and intricate and very, very cool.
Let Your Heart Hold Fast by Acavall Word count: 3000 Summary: Merlin waits for Arthur’s return, and the only way to hold on to his memories is to write them down. Over and over, again and again, as history marches by. Notes: Works interesting historical references into the reincarnation deal.
Never Let Me Go by LadyVader Word count: 3500 Summary: Merlin has walked the world for a long time waiting for his friends return. Notes: Great use of the rest of the characters.
Now I Will Unsettle the Ground Beneath You by nu_breed Word count: 42,300 Summary: Merlin’s dreams have always fuelled his art, but they’ve always been abstract and removed from reality. Soon after he meets Gwaine, he starts to see vivid images of a past full of death and magic and love for a King who was ripped from him. Things only escalate further when he spends a weekend in the country with Gwaine and meets his group of friends, which includes aristocrat and It Boy, Arthur Pendragon. Merlin soon realises that no matter how hard you try, one thing is certain, you can’t fuck with destiny. Notes: Merlin’s dating Gwaine but he and Arthur can’t keep their hands off each other. I love it.
Old Love, But in Shapes That Renew and Renew Forever by leopardwrites Word count: 3500 Summary: People accept that an old man might live alone. People understand that he might have lost the greatest love he has ever known. Notes: Fics that deal with old!Merlin are never not going to be gut-wrenching.
CANON ERA
A Bet by juxtapose Word count: 1100 Summary: In which the Knights stumble upon a private moment between the Prince and his manservant, Leon is uncomfortable, and Gwaine decides to make a bet. Notes: All the knights are fantastic in this one.
The Accidental Seduction by Ras Elased Word count: 9000 Summary: Arthur’s a bit dim and a prank goes horribly awry, but in the end this works out to the benefit of all involved. Notes: Almost unbearably adorable.
**Finding Home by riventhorn Word count: 7860 Summary: When Gaius retires, a new physician takes over, one that quickly kicks Merlin out of his room and takes it for himself, Arthur finds Merlin sleeping in the stables..and it’s winter. Notes: Good old-fashioned hurt/comfort with a dash of fluff. Probably my favourite canon-era fic.
**Fools of Us All by adelagia Word count: 11,100 Summary: Merlin accidentally makes everybody in Camelot fall in love with him. Everybody except Arthur, that is. Notes: Cute, funny and very in-character.
Freedom Hangs Like Heaven by derryere Word count: 9000 Summary: It’s happened five times and they don’t talk about it. Notes: The unresolved romantic tension will end you.
The Greater Bond by ravenflight21 Word count: 15,500 Summary: When Arthur is kidnapped by slavetraders, Merlin has only one option: to buy him. Playing Arthur’s master has its drawbacks – but it also has extraordinary compensations. Notes: Fabulous trope that also includes fancy dress. What more do you want?
**A Heavy Heart to Carry by ThursdayNext Word count: 12,561 Summary: When Merlin is captured and injured, Arthur must face up to his own feelings for his manservant as well as the many secrets he discovers are being kept from him. Notes: I think this might have been the first merthur fic I ever read. It’s Cold Outside by ionionie Word count: 2500 Summary: Merlin and Arthur get trapped in a cave on a freezing cold night. How do they stay warm? Notes: I’m such a sucker for this trope it’s actually sad.
**Meteorology by fayhe Word count: 4600 Summary: Character study with spot-on cameos from Uther, Morgana, Gaius and even Kilgarrah. Notes: Best Gen.
So That I Might Be Where You Areby cherrybina Word count: 4600 Summary: When a spell goes wrong, Merlin and Arthur are linked together in an unusual way, which leads to lots and lots of UST. Notes: Not kidding about the UST, which works surprisingly well. **Stars Above, Stones Below by Destina Word count: 46,800 Summary: After the disastrous end of his betrothal to Gwen and the regret of his offer to Princess Mithian, Arthur swears off finding a wife until he’s ready to wed. When Merlin offers himself to Arthur as bedmate, Arthur suggests they hand-fast in secret for a single year of mutual pleasure without obligation. As their year together unfolds, and secrets and betrayals unravel around them, Arthur and Merlin learn there is no such thing as uncomplicated pleasure. Everything they thought they knew can change in the span of a single year. Notes: Another one of my absolute favourites. Winterbloom by Shinybug Word count: 6200 Summary: Deep in the woods in the frozen heart of winter, a careless comment leads to a redefinition of Arthur’s relationship with his manservant. Notes: Emotionally-constipated boys shivering in the cold will always be one of my favourite things.
MODERN AU
A Change of Pace by kianspo Word count: 54,600 Summary: The one in which Arthur works in finances and his suits are various (two) shades of grey, Merlin works in advertisement and has no boundaries whatsoever, Morgana drinks rum, Mithian stages a coup, Agravaine is aggravating, and Elena’s house is amazing. Also, Andy Warhol is mentioned in vain, and Arthur and Merlin fall in love in Victorian era style. Notes: In which Arthur has a structured, ordered, boring life, until Merlin comes along.
This Silly ol’ Dance is Perfect for Two by SlantedKnitting Word count: 80,500 Summary: Arthur is young, gorgeous, talented, and captain of one of the best football teams in England; his life should be perfect. But he can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a few months, and it’s not just because he isn’t ready to settle down. When his most recent girlfriend dumps him, he has a rough night at the pub and has to be dragged home by his neighbour, Merlin. Merlin is an archivist, a Ph.D student, and he hates football almost as much as he hates Arthur. They both have their own reasons for not wanting to spend time with each other, but after that disastrous night, remaining silent neighbors doesn’t seem like much of an option anymore. Notes: Plotty and original. Wicked Game by winterstorm Word count: 42,400 Summary: Arthur’s the King of Camelot…nightclub. He can pick and choose who he wants, and he does – often – no promises and absolutely no repeats. The night he chooses Merlin might just be his undoing. Notes: Slight age difference.
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chibimyumi · 4 years
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Kinda personal question but what makes Elisabeth special to you? (Trigger warning) And in your opinion, does it romanticise things like mental illness and suicide? I think that ‘Die Schatten werden länger’ is a pretty apt metaphor for how it feels to have depression and suicidal thoughts (depending on one’s interpretation of what Death is) or to be emotionally abused. I ask about the productions with Furuka Yuta as Rudolf and the recent one with him as Death.
Dear Anon,
‘Elisabeth’ is my ultimate gateway down the rabbit hole of theatre and story-telling. Before ‘Elisabeth’ I was mostly a passive consumer of media, but after, I started to consider mechanisms of story-telling, and saw how different performers can tell different stories using the same script. This taught me how actions (dictated by the script) are just that - actions; and before we can understand a character, we must delve into what the context is of those actions.
Of course, the music is also just phenomenal, and it IS a musical, after all.
TL;DR: But importantly, I love ‘Elisabeth’ because it’s literally written to be a “F*ck you, Hollywood.”
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In this post I discussed how ‘Elisabeth das Musical’ managed to save crumbling European cinematic culture. I am very tired of the Hollywood conventions, and ESPECIALLY tired of the glorification of romance. ‘Elisabeth’ subverted both of these stale conventions for me, and I was able to enjoy an alternative to the popular tropes of: “the superhuman lover, the caged bird, lonely at the top” in a new context.
This post will be divided into the following chapters:
1. Elisabeth
1.1. Deconstructing romance
1.2. Wife- and Motherhood
1.3. No pedagogical message in yer face!
2. Rudolf
2.1. Deconstructing romance
2.2. Depression in children
2.3. Crushing expectations and grandness
2.4. Deconstructing masculinity
3. Der Tod
3.1. Villain?
3.2. Predatory lover?
4. Conclusion
Trigger Warning: The text below contains mention of depression and suicide.
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Romanticising mental illness?
‘Elisabeth’ is admittedly a bit of a problematic fave to me; it does indeed romanticise mental illness. However! Contrary to mainstream conventions, ‘Elisabeth’s does not show that mental illness can be cured because of THE POWER OF LOVE! It unapologetically showcases the destructiveness of mental illness, and how it is a long and painful struggle without promise of success. And that is exactly what a mental illness can be.
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1. Elisabeth
1.1. Deconstructing romance
Elisabeth herself is the clearest example. She was a happy-go-lucky girl who was not destined to become Empress (her sister was), and yet she was chosen as bride by the handsome and young Emperor, Franz I, against his mother’s will. It is the dream many girls are taught to have.
And yet, it was exactly after becoming part of a fairy tale that her life sank into hell. Not just because of Sophie, but also because of her husband. Her husband did not turn out to be ‘a bad guy’ like Hollywood will make you believe is the only reason a relationship will fail. No, Franz was just entirely ignorant towards anything Elisabeth needed. Franz’ failure as lover was not what he ‘did’, but rather, what he ‘did not’. I think it is very important to show how real relationships require compatibility AND hard-work, but that without both, it just won’t work.
1.2. Wife- and motherhood
In conventional media, a woman like Elisabeth’s journey would be to find ‘the love she deserves’, she would still be ‘someone’s romantic interest’, just not Franz’. But in the musical, her arc is preserving and exercising her autonomy, and make the best out of a terrible situation. Women are trapped in patriarchy, and usually there is just no escape. And therefore seeing the strength of a woman who makes the best out of her pain is inspiring, and more relatable.
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Usually in media, if the woman is not ‘the wife’, then the way she is strong is her focus on being ‘the mother’. Elisabeth however, was shown to be a terrible mother! She was not callous, she was very loving in fact. But because she had so much going on, she simply did not have extra mental energy to spend on her son. I find it very refreshing that love is simply not enough to make human-relations work, whether it’s romantic or familial relationships. Saying that somebody fails in a relationship ‘because you don’t love x enough’ is shortsighted and backwards.
It is breathtaking for me to see a narrative that solely focused on a woman’s struggles without the romance, and without the shackles of motherhood. No, she was struggling because she could not be a person.
1.3. No pedagogical message in yer face!
I also absolutely love how Elisabeth is not an idol that we are supposed to learn from. It’s not: “women! Look at this woman and [be/don’t be] this woman!!”. No, ‘Elisabeth’ leaves its viewer alone, and does not try to impose onto any ‘how to be a woman’.
We are simply supposed to see her life, and sympathise with her as human. The story never justifies her shortcomings, and never glorifies her as the fairy tale Empress ‘die Junge Kaiserin’ would have you believe.
‘Elisabeth das Musical’ does not treat its audience as people that must be educated; instead it assumes the audience has a mind of its own, and can participate in the story as Elisabeth’s peer.
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2. Rudolf
2.1. Deconstructing romance
Rudolf’s arc is likewise one wherein his mental illness is not ‘magically cured by romance’. The historic Rudolf was married and he was VERY unhappy in his marriage. However, his unhappy marriage was not the cause of his depression, nor did it really matter that much in making it worse. Rudolf did have a lover (Mary Vetsera), and they loved each other deeply. However, that was not enough to make his mental illness bearable for him.
This forbidden-love part of Rudolf’s life was so insignificant to his depression, that the writers left it out entirely in ‘Elisabeth das Musical’, and his arc was still perfectly round without it.
2.2. Depression in children
‘Elisabeth’ is an excellent example of how depression is not limited to certain groups of people; anyone can be haunted by it. Rudolf is able bodied, white, wealthy, the crown prince of an Empire, intelligent, etc. etc. And yet he had crippling depression, and it is NOT because he was whiny within privilege.
Just like with his mother, Rudolf is also not an idol we’re supposed to imitate. However, we are supposed to learn from seeing him. We first meet Rudolf as a young child, and because he was not given any help, his depression escalated into suicidal depression later on. Many people either don’t believe that children can be depressed, or simply don’t take it seriously. Rudolf however, shows everyone how depression can in fact destroy the lives of children, not unlike adults. Even better; he is a historic character who actually existed. Good luck denying that!
2.3. Crushing expectations and grandness
As discussed above, Rudolf’s struggle has nothing to do with romance, but crushing expectations. As Furukawa explained in this interview: “When Rudolf finally figured out what he wanted to do, he was faced with his country sinking into crisis. He was stuck in the situation where he did not have the power to say anything, and yet had the status wherein everyone expected him to act for the benefit of the state. If he did not act he would be a neglectful man, unworthy of the title of ‘crown prince’, but if he did act for the benefit of the state, he would be a rebel.”
I think it is very refreshing too that despite all the good qualities Rudolf has (2.2.), he simply could not live up to the crushing expectations. It is very important to see how failure is often not the inability of the person, but that too much was expected of ONE human being to begin with.
2.4. Deconstructing toxic masculinity
Rudolf performs a very refreshing form of masculinity that is a departure from Hollywood’s ‘male hero’ model. His entire character is centered on his vulnerability, but he is NEVER portrayed as the loser. Instead, we see a man admitting his vulnerability and looking his depression in the eyes, and never being ashamed of it. He never blames himself for ‘not being man enough’ to live up to social expectations. Instead of “becoming a proper man!!” Rudolf knows that what he needs is compassion, a person he can talk to (his mother), and a fucking break.
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Death is almost always without exception ‘punishment’ in stories. However, with Rudolf there were clearly external factors that have nothing to do with his supposed inaptness. The perpetrator was active in the sense that LITERAL Death manipulating him into committing suicide. Rudolf was a victim instead of someone punished for a “sin of not being man enough”.
3. Der Tod
3.1. Villain?
I am very tired of the good vs evil dichotomous story telling of Hollywood. Another thing I love about this musical is how it is entirely ambiguous who the villain is. It’s easy to point at Der Tod, but is he really the villain?
The script of this ingenious musical is written so freely that depending on the performers/director, the villain is either ambiguous, or non-existent, WITHOUT the story being vague. Depending on the actor of Der Tod, he is either an actual entity who governs over life and death, or the product of one’s imagination.
3.2. Predatory lover?
Der Tod’s existence and his pursuit of Elisabeth’s ‘love’ is the main factor that plays in saying “‘Elisabeth’ romanticises mental illness”. But depending on how the performers of Elisabeth and Der Tod interpret these roles, the story either becomes:
a toxic romance that is self-aware of its toxicity,
or like how Furukawa Yuta and Manaki Reika in 2019 managed, into a heroic tale of preserverence and a battle of wits.
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Most importantly, in (most) non-Takarazuka versions, after Elisabeth dies, she is not there anymore to ‘reciprocate’ Der Tod’s feelings. She is just gone. Only in the Takarazuka version (I believe) does she enter the Underworld and actively becomes Der Tod’s lover.
So outside Takarazuka’s version, Der Tod is never rewarded with ‘a lover’; he simply gets his prey as a predator. Whether this ‘predator’ is a lover however, is again up to interpretation. But otherwise, death getting a mortal is just a very natural phenomenon, not victory as Furukawa puts it.
4. Conclusion
In conclusion, yes, ‘Elisabeth das Musical’ does have many elements that may qualify it as ‘a romanticisation of mental illness’, but ultimately I think it is not just that simple.
We must consider what the message is that the musical sends, and it is NOT: “because Elisabeth/Rudolf are mentally ill, they embark on an epic journey.” If anything, the musical makes very clear that the mental illnesses of Elisabeth and her son are the main culprit that MAKES them miserable, and that Der Tod is the personification thereof, hence his predatory nature. In ‘Elisabeth’, mental illness ‘preys’ on its victims.
The romanticisation mostly (though not solely) comes from the consumers, because we are conditioned to read stories like ‘Elisabeth’ as a romance.
We see a man (???) claiming to love a woman, and he chases her and won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He goes through extreme means to impress her, and the story even comes with a ‘love rival’ (Franz).
We see a woman ‘yearning’ for something, and that something can only be given by Der Tod, and finally she does find peace when she is with him.
But, we must pay attention to what Elisabeth says when she is dead. It is not: “I’ve been looking for true love, and now I found it,” or “I wanted freedom, and you’ve been kindly offering it to me, but I was too foolish to accept earlier.” No, the very last thing she sings is:
“I have cried, laughed, been disheartened and I have prayed. There had been days where I tasted defeat in my senseless battle.Regardless, I have entrusted my life to myself alone!”
“Winning Elisabeth’s love” is the term Der Tod set without Elisabeth having any say in it. The term she set for herself is staying true to herself and not giving up; which she NEVER did. As such, THAT ⇈ was Elisabeth claiming victory of always having stayed true to herself, and it has NOTHING to do with Der Tod. She does not need Der Tod, she simply needed freedom.
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Snippet From Chapter 19
***A Year and a half ago***
Malphas awoke with pounding headache akin to having nails hammered into his brain, centering just behind each of his eyes, and that damned bird which was chirping away sounded as though it were shrieking inside his skull. He hissed in pain as he stirred; every muscle in his body felt strained to the limit, and holy Hell, even his hair and the steel plates of his tail hurt. The demon felt as though he had been trampled by a maddened stampede of wild horses.
He cracked his sapphire eyes open for a brief glimpse of his surroundings, and immediately regretted it when a damn spot light blared a searing pain into his head. It was followed by a dizzying wave of nausea, so he shielded his face with his arm. He winced with a grimace as allowed himself a moment to regain his focus, before he realized that the blinding light was actually the sun as it crept over the horizon.
'Shit, am I outside?'
As he braced himself with his free hand, he did not feel his soft bed beneath him, but hard, brittle-crusted earth cracking beneath his palm.
When, or better yet, why had he fallen asleep outdoors?
He closed his eyes again, because fuck his head hurt, in hopes that the darkness of his eyelids would tone down his Hellacious headache as he tried to recall how he wound up like this.
Malphas vaguely remembered running out of alcohol at home, because he had been drinking like a fish, so he went out to...to...
Chugging full bottle after bottle of brandy, whiskey, moonshine, and whatever the Hell this purple liquid that had been handed to him. Laughing with strangers who cheered him on and betting naysayers against how fast he could down them like water. He won every time, but used the coin to buy more rounds for everyone. Money was no object to him.
Malphas' resistance to poisons meant he had to consume an amount of alcohol that would likely kill a man twice over before he even felt a buzz, so it made for quite the spectacle for the onlooking patrons.
'Ah, yes.' He had went to a local bar tucked away on the outskirts of the Royal Capital, run by a small village. He had dropped in there a few times before. It was the only one that allowed heteromorphs, goblins, dark elves, and demons, as well humans. As long as the patron had coin, they were welcome.
'Wait...WHY was I drinking?'
He had spent the day trimming hooves and replacing the shoes on his bicorns, baling hay, taking down information of interested parties who were to be placed on the waiting list for foals the next year, and then that evening, Demiurge-
Demiurge.
'Oh.'
It was slowly coming back to him in fragments. Demiurge had messaged him, and asked to meet that night. He was fucking furious with Albedo after she foolishly allowed Lord Ainz to challenge Shalltear alone. But what really pissed the Guardian of the Seventh Floor off was how she had the gall to order Cocytus to trap him in a room with them for the purpose of preventing the demon from aiding the last of the Supreme Beings in battle. Malphas could understand why Demiurge was so enraged by not only a careless, but potentially catastrophic decision which was dictated solely by her feelings for the Elder Lich. To so foolishly put Lord Ainz at risk for such selfish reasons was beyond idiotic.
While Malphas was still learning to process his own feelings, he would never, EVER allow someone he cared about to risk their lives simply because they requested to face an opponent alone. Not Lord Ainz, and especially not Demiurge.
Needless to say, after such a day his younger brother desperately needed to release that pent up tension and frustration.
Malphas agreed to let him come to his home in the Royal Capital, and before it was over, his brother did it again; graced him with one of those brief, precious touches which the younger demon refused to acknowledge for what they were. What exactly Demiurge had done, however, he did not recall at the moment; Malphas only remembered how it had made him feel.
Loved. Wanted. Connected.
So, just as the last few times that this had happened, Demiurge tried to deny it had any meaning by hastily following it, burying it with a carnal act, rather than admitting that he felt the same way, and-
...and that cut Malphas so deeply that he once more needed to numb himself and drown his sorrow with copious amounts of alcohol. One bottle turned into five, five turned into eight. Eight turned into thirteen.
Booze helped the elder Arch Devil forget that a vice with jagged, bear-trap jaws was clenching his heart for a short but sweet while, yet it always returned with a brooding vengeance.
Gods of Darkness Below, Malphas fucking hated to feel. He wondered if he would ever get used to it; that sensation of sinking into a deep, dark hole, only to have his brother lift him out and make his heart soar with those fleeting caresses, that little glimmer of hope which promised Demiurge felt it too; that this wasn't all just in his own head.
But it always ended the same way; Demiurge would callously hurl him back down into the bottom of that seemingly inescapable pit, leaving him there, broken and hurt for the next time Demiurge needed another good, hard fuck.
Things weren't nearly this complicated before he was reprogrammed and rewired. Now he was nothing short of a fucking mess.
Malphas slowly sat up, and with the movement his mind whirled, and his stomach churned.
'Fucking Hell...why must I insist on torturing myself so?'
He slowly opened his eyes only to behold the charred remains of the establishment all around him, littered with dozens of scorched skeletons scattered about, now unrecognizable remains. All that stood of the young oak trees that had once framed the left and right side the bar were trunks which now looked like blackened matchsticks.
If it weren't for the alignment of the burned trees and the large boulder at the base of the third one to the right, Malphas would have no idea was he was.
Fire...there had been a fire...
'No, Hellfire...only Hellfire, my fire, burns that hot.'
He glanced around, and as far as the eye could see, a two block radius, had been completely destroyed, burned to ashes. Not only was this area leveled, he was sitting in a fucking crater that was at least three feet deep from exploding with such dynamically devastating force. The demon's breath froze in his lungs and his heart began to race as the magnitude of what he had done crashed into him.
'How many have I killed? Why did I take it this far?'
Malphas swept his hair out of his face and wracked his brain; and while his memory was watery, and he vaguely recalled being cut off after his thirteenth bottle. He had never chugged that many before outside of his home, so there was never a need for him to have been cut off...until now. Although he wasn't a belligerent drunk (he was actually rather affectionate and overly friendly, everyone turned into his best buddy), his sheer size meant a group effort would be required to haul him out of the bar if he had blacked out.
It wasn't unreasonable to limit him. But apparently in his state he did not take kindly to having the one thing that eased his pain taken away.
And then it suddenly dawned on him why he had snapped.
He had not been able to completely forget and drink away the recollection of Demiurge sweetly pressing his forehead against his and meeting his heated gaze with what could not be mistaken for anything other than romantic passion as their feathered breath fed into one another. Demiurge's tail then intertwined with his, coiling tightly in a secondary embrace. Those sweet gestures made a wonderful warmth bloom in Malphas' chest, and he had smiled softly at his brother, and he saw it; that moment where Demiurge's lips had begun to curve upwards, a sign that he mirrored his feelings, and then the younger Devil caught himself. Demiurge's face fell, and he rapidly averted his gaze, hardened his eyes as he guarded himself.
Distanced himself from him.
Rejected him once again.
Malphas sniffed and rubbed his face, smearing ash over his features as he felt his sinuses sting. He had never been so emotionally wounded by anyone other than Ulbert, when he had sent him away from Nazarick, the only home he had ever known, and then ultimately abandoned them both.
Now he wished he had not bothered in trying to remember. While there was a precious treasure hidden within that memory, it was riddled with the sharpest of thorns and stingers.
What he hated even more than the sinking sensation was crying; it was simultaneously terrifying and infuriating how a blow to his feelings was equally as crippling as a physical assault of the highest caliber. The Arch Devil was so angry with his creator for changing him, forcing him to be this way and then leaving without even teaching him how to deal with his newly imbued emotions; they were so unfamiliar and utterly disarming.
Malphas would give anything to once again be as cold as his brother. He envied Demiurge's ability to steel himself against feeling.
But without Ulbert, that could never be.
A dull roar in the distance reached the demon's ears, snapping him out of his morose thoughts. Voices. At least a hundred angry villagers, wielding spears and pitchforks and stones, shouting threats and war cries as they thundered across the land on both foot and horseback, closing in fast. He should have heard them coming long ago, but his alcohol-induced stupor dulled his senses, and it was far too easy to lose himself in his own head.
'Fuck. I have to stop doing this to myself.'
Malphas pulled himself up off of the scorched earth, and while he was still unsteady, he managed to stand. His ebony and crimson-webbed wings burst of his back, unfurling and flexing with the sound of canvas sails catching the wind.
Before he had even made it ten feet into the air he felt stones pelting his back. He growled at the pain flaring through his already aching muscles, but the demon honestly could not blame them for their rage. He had killed at least twenty four people, burned the bar to cinders and wiped out at least three wheat fields. From above, it looked like a flaming asteroid had crashed into the earth.
He was a deadly and destructive force, a mere monster in their eyes. There would be no repairing the villagers' trust.
"I could have torn limb from limb, as the lion rends the antelope. But my heart sunk within me as with bitter sickness, and I refrained." Malphas muttered, quoting Frankenstein, his favorite book; it was the last thing Ulbert had gifted him with before disappearing for another plane of existence where they could never follow.
In so many ways, Malphas felt like the monster from the book. He was created and meant to be something beautiful, but was not satisfactory in his maker’s eyes and was often misjudged due to his fearsome appearance and intimidating size.
And now, he was being hunted down by angry villagers.
‘How very fitting.’
It was a long, hard road from alcohol addiction to sobriety for Malphas. A full year passed before he learned to harness his feelings without abusing substances. He now drank and smoked only in moderation, and kept himself on a tight leash when it came to mind-altering substances.
Even more difficult was adjusting to the mixed signals and constant rejection he received from Demiurge, and both the heart-wrenching pain and golden moments that came with it.
He learned to live with it, and not take it too harshly when the younger demon inevitably shied away after catching himself feeling something other than animalistic lust.
It took time, but Malphas eventually came to terms with the fact that Demiurge would likely never love him in the same way. And even if he did, his brother would never admit it. He simply wasn't wired that way.
Demiurge was a different kind of monster.
But Malphas had all the time in the world to wait for him to eventually evolve. If the world around them was changing, it likely was only a matter of time before Demiurge grew with it.
After all, both man and monster are capable of growth.
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geminimoonbeamx · 5 years
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Ok listen I came here to rave about Of All The Things Unsaid because it broke my heart and also took me deep into my own feelings and was just overall so well written and it was so interesting to see you change things up with your style a bit UGH!! But then I saw that a-z ask and I NEED to know the full a-z from you on Bucky Barnes 👻💕 PS ...... can I be added to your tag list ?? I’m on here at super freak times and I feel like I always miss out on your posts! Keep being amazing ilu 💕
Thank you so much boo💖 I’m so happy you liked my depression manifested in OATLU😂! And okay so why was Bucky A-Z so hard? His sensuality was difficult to peg but I hope I did it justice!
Bucky Barnes sexy A-Z
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
Bucky Barnes is one needy man after sex- especially after the rough passionate fucking you usaully receive from him after long missions or emotionally grueling days. He’s grabby and literally octopuses his large body around yours
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Bucky’s favorite body part of his is his flesh and blood arm- he knows its a shitty internalized hatred thing but he still wishes he was on that little farm in Wakanda, he'd gotten pretty good at doing everything one handed.
Bucky loves your middle, loves your soft plush tummy and your waist. Would have his arms wrapped around your middle for the rest of hs life if he could
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)
Bucky loves coming on your ass when he fucks you doggy, he loves how it rolls and drips off of your round cheeks.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Bucky loves toys. He loves to put you in vibrating panties and take ou to important dinners.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
Bucky has been around the block- lets be real. Back in the 40’s he had a new dame every weekend(sometimes more then one). He even got ass during the war. But since he got out of Cyro you're the first person he’s even kissed
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)
Doggy. 100%- he loves your plump ass. But he also likes holding you and fucking you againts walls, just because of your reaction to it, you never thought a man would be able too pick you up.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Bucky’s actually a funny fuck and genuinely gets joy from intimacy with you. He’s made you laugh while making you cum and that's one hell of an experience.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
He went AU natural for a long time and that man had a BUSH. He trims for you, keeps it nice and tidy. Its still dark and prominent though. You love it.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
He was really awkward about it, it felt weird to let himself get to that place. Now he loves it, the two of you love reading together. Bathing together.
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
You love watching him work himself over, he gets so pretty when his fist is wrapped around his cock. Love waiting him writhe and come all over his knuckles.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Bucky loves to be rimmed- it just feels so good when you're blowing him- he totally jumped and almost kneed you in the face the first time you tried it though lol
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
Honestly he’ll fuck you anywhere, but he prefers somewhere cozy and safe-where he’s checked all the exits and windows because it gets him in the right mindset.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
He’s not gonna lie- when you get all dolled up and wear that red lipstick he loves he cant help but grab handfuls of you.
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He refuses any kind of blindfold play- Bucky doesn't like his senses being taken away. He likes(needs) to be in control.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Bucks a giver- he remembers being tongue deep under the skirts of pretty girls in the back of dance halls. He’s good with his mouth- and you get to be on the receiving end to that.
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Depends and varies. He loves fucking you slow though, loves watching your body take him, all of him.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
He’s not a fan of quickies- they remind him of the war and the USO sow girls and gunpowder and his first tastes of death/ He especially doesn't like them with you, he wants to take his time with you. Wants to savor it.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Not really, I mean you guys did fuck in a coat closet at the White House but you almost got caught by the CIA and that's always a mood killer right?
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
Three words: Super Soldier Serum. That man has WRECKED you before. Literally 5 rounds back to back. Your thighs shook for days.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
He enjoys toys- he’s always been a techie nerd. He loves when you press a vibrator to your clit as he takes you, loves the way you screech.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
You are the tease in the relationship, and he only does it to get you back. He sucks at it even though he has crazy self control. He doesn't want to be disciplined when it comes to you.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
He’s not the most vocal, but fuck, are his grunts and groans so guttural and perfect.
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
Cockwarming is a favorite of both of yours.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
MOTHERFUCKER IS PACKING. 10 inches, minimum. That serum amped up everything. He was devastated when he hurt you the first time, but like how could he not? You def weren't used to anything like that.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
Um? He didn't get laid for the better part of a century. He’d be buried inside you every second of the fucking day if he could.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He’s on sleeping and anxiety and a whole slew of other mess to get him to sleep- but that pussy of yours? How hard you make him cum? Better them any pharmaceuticals. He likes falling asleep on top of you, your bosom a pillow and your thighs still cradaling his hips. He’s warm. He’s home
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@marysuepatrol says: Hi! I’m sending this in as a submission for length’s sake, don’t want to annoy you by sending in a ton of asks! Anyways, if it’s not too much to ask, may I please get a moodboard matchup from parts 1-5? (they’re so pretty omfg)
I’m a bi 5'2 Asian girl, and I’m an ENTP. I love taking care of plants and cats, along with most other animals! I’m a pretty bold person with something of a sense of justice, and I’m never afraid to speak up against stuff I don’t agree with. I have some trust issues due to a formerly emotionally abusive relationship, mostly relationship-wise and not friendship wise. I’m pretty witty, and I’m a huge believer in fate and supernatural stuff, like fortune telling and the occult. I like reading, drawing and writing! I find world culture very fascinating, especially the languages and music, and I’d love to travel the world one day! I love learning new things, and I really like going to libraries (especially older ones!) on a nice afternoon, especially with my s/o! Usually, I’m pretty laid back and a friendly person in general. I like to tell jokes/bad puns with people I’m really close to, and I love giving to people/helping them out! With a s/o, I’m more attracted to smart people and people who have more life experience than me tbh, since I’d also want someone who can guide me in a relationship!
That was sorta long, but thank you so much!! Please take your time on these matchups, I know they take a while sometimes but you’re doing great! <3
Hi Mary sweetheart!!! I’ll smooch your entire face you’re adorable as heck sashdhf <3 Now before I get rambly and spend this entire matchup just saying how much i love you and thank you, let’s get to the juice. 
Your matchup! You do realize that you’re giving me here a type that I could not pass over, right? The moment I got midway your request I knew exactly who to match you up with. When I finished reading, I also decided to add in a small brochup, for the sake of being soft. So, here ya go! Double the jojo double the fun!
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Translation: “It must have been fate, but I’m thankful we met, bella.”
Risotto Nero!
You met because Risotto had to leave the office for something to snack on since the gang had eaten almost everything there was in there. He was terribly hungry, terribly tired and terribly irritated, but he still kept his usual neutral expression.
As he walks, he makes his way to the nearest convenience store, that currently has a construction team working on a platform to fix the building right next to it. When he’d crossed below the platform, you happened to be about to enter the store too, looking at him from a distance due to his peculiar appearance and telling him with a raised eyebrow and half a smile in a friendly tone “That’ll be bad luck for ya, sir.”. He finds your remark amusing and retorts with “I could be back luck for them, miss.” You laughed it off as a casual tough guy comeback, though, you did not know he was serious about it.
Since he barely ever makes the effort to speak to others, he decides to let the conversation be done with as soon as you both enter the store, each making your way and giving a small departing nod to each other as you leave for different aisles.
After a while walking though the aisles and grabbing your items, you notice a common thought cross your mind. “I haven’t crossed him once yet.” And it slightly saddened you. You thought of this as a simple after effect reaction to having interacted with a handsome (and kinda scary) man that gave you three seconds of his day and exchanged some words with you. It had been a notable experience in your day and your brain was just giving it some spotlight, no big deal.
To your pleasant surprise, you notice him step before you into one of the checkup lines, and decide to go to the same one just to try and get the chance to even say a simple goodbye after checkup. When it’s his time to pay, you hear him let out a confused and quite irritated “hah?” for he did not find neither money nor his credit card in his wallet. Formaggio must had taken it without permission; again. All for his stupid gambling habits.
As he clenched his perfectly sharp and strong jaw (you couldn’t help but note this, the man was quite a sight), not knowing how to react; you stepped in tapping him on the back, smiling at him confidently when he turned and announcing to the cashier you’d pay for his items. He was only purchasing a beer and some chips, what harm could it do to your wallet.
He’s indebted to you now, Risotto instantly thought. That’s how it worked in his mind. If he ever gets something from someone, it must not be left as a good action, there has to be some interest behind it. Yet, when he could not pinpoint the reason you’d want him to pay you back for anything, he simply decided on paying it back to you because you seemed just genuinely nice and not mean spirited in the slightest. Just a regular, nice civilian. 
He offers to invite you to some coffee next time you meet as thanks and offers you his number, which you take in gleefully. You didn’t even have to ask and you got this hell of a man’s phone number? Today was worthy of being noted in your calendar. After exchanging numbers, he gives you a nod and the slightest, smallest hint of a cordial smile and leaves his own way, leaving you wondering if you’d just seen the slight hint of a dimple form on his overall solemn looking face.
You sent him a text informing him it’s you, the convenience store girl. He replies with a “Ok” which throws you a bit off balance. He can’t help it, he’s bad with words and even worse with texts. “Is your schedule open on Friday afternoon?” He follows up, making you smile due to his unnecessary formal tone. “For coffee, I mean.” He quickly adds, which makes you giggle. He’s endearingly awkward and stupidly formal, that was interesting, you were curious.
When you meet for coffee that wonderfully awaited Friday, you almost fall off the chair when you see him dressed in what, usually, you’d call casual clothes (because let’s be honest, what he wore to the convenience store made him look like a bdsm gester, not that you minded though). The perfect fit of his V neck white shirt and the lack of his hat made you swallow, quickly composing yourself and placing your hands on your lap under the table. “Hi, you look…” He started, seemingly struggling to find his words as he slid the chair back and sat before you. “Positively beautiful, Y/N.” You felt a knot in your throat when this handsome, intense looking man told you that, giving him a nervous giggle and a smile, looking him in the eye after much effort and adding an almost too quiet. “You too, Risotto.”
He’s the silent listener type, he nods at your statements and gives you the occasional “yes” or “mhm”. You did not expect him to actually end up asking after you mentioned you liked books. “What type of books?” He asked, a curious, most endearing smile on his face while he stirred his coffee in the big black mug he’d ordered. You took a sip off yours and after organizing your thoughts, you told him. When you mentioned you’d love to go to an old library to spend the afternoon, he immediately told you he’d be glad to join you. What a shame he didn’t let you finish the sentence with a “-with my future significant other, that’d be a wonderful date.” You didn’t dare utter those words now, having a rotund “yes” already from the man.
You go to a fancy, old Italian library next weekend (after admittedly sneaking out of the office and leaving Prosciutto in charge for the afternoon). He tells you about his favorite reads, recommending you some books while you quietly admire him from the side and give him the occasional nod and smile when he catches up on you being silent for longer than expected, fearing you’d grown bored of his rambling.
As the afternoon goes by, you stop by at the romantic-drama aisle. The big round glass windows letting the golden hour sun sip through and clash against his herculean features, which you couldn’t help but stare at. Seeing him standing there, the way he calmly stood there with such a mature look in his face whilst skimming through a book he’d surely have read before already… it was silly, but it made your heart thump gingerly on your chest.
He catches you staring, scoffing quite embarrassed thinking its because you think he’s weird looking. After clearing his throat and placing the book back in the bookcase, he turns to you and gives you an intense stare whilst crossing his arms over his chest. Oh god, he was well trained as well. Just by looking at his biceps you felt he’d be able to snap you in half without any problem if he so desired to.
“Yes, I do know I look scary, but I’ve no intention to harm-” you cut him off with something he did not expect to hear. “No, Nero, I just think you’re someone I could look at for hours and never get tired.” You blurted out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear and looking down when you thought back on what you’d just told him. 
Before you could apologize, you rose your gaze and noticed he’d just taken his eyes off you and cast them back to the books on his side, the slightest shade of red decorating his cheeks now as he visibly bit the inside of his cheek, clueless on how to react properly to your remark. Sure, he had the emotional intelligence and the self awareness of a log, but even he knew that wasn’t meant as a casual compliment.
“…Anyways, I think you’d like this one.” He kept going, as if nothing happened, which made you smile tenderly at him. You gave him a nod and kept browsing books with him until it got dark. He silently assigned himself to escort you back home, with his hands on his pockets while you occasionally commented on the weather or on the books you’d taken notes off that he mentioned.
One day, you met up to chat about a book he’d lent you, his favorite. You mentioned you liked it, but that you’d like to try something that dealt with more obscure themes, like the occult or the supernatural. He gave you an amused smile, thinking of your taste as interesting and kind of cute. He lent you the perfect book for your request, which you read in record time and spammed his text messages with commentary about it’s ending almost immediately, amusing him through his sleepless working night. Honestly, late working nights had taken a different turn ever since he’d met you, with your occasional messages and even more rare calls. He worried if you got enough sleep, but still, greatly appreciated your figurative company.
One of those late night messaging sessions, you decided to take your relationship a small step forward, aside from talking about books and going for coffee or to the library, you wanted to share a meaningful experience with him. And you’d just gotten a perfect Ad for the situation on your social media. 
“Riz, u up?” You began, smiling mischievously for you knew he’d look at his phone with a raised eyebrow when he read your text. “Did you just shorten my name to address me?” He replied, almost immediately, which caught you a bit off guard. It was 2 am after all. “Yes, ur up. Anyways, could you come with me tmrrow to a special event? I really want to go, but none of my friends are interested and I really need someone I can trust to go with” He’d seen it, he stayed in the chat, but he took slightly longer to reply than usual, he was surely thinking about what you meant with “special event”. “…” He started, earning a quiet victory gesture from you on your end. “You trust me?” Your face fell into a pout. How did just three words from him make you feel so bad all of a sudden? You felt like giving him a hug honestly, but sadly, your relationship hadn’t gotten so far, yet. “I think I established that, yes.” You typed down, and after three painful minutes of wait, he came back with a quick, simple answer. “Hour and location, I’ll be there.” After a short pause, he followed the message up with another. “But, if I may ask, what is the event about?” You smiled, feeling your heartbeat chirp away in your chest upon such a quick, assertive and formal response. “A fortune teller is in town and I really want to get my future read.” You almost added “with you”, but refrained. Quickly beaming a bright smile at your phone at his reply. “Alright, sounds good.”
At the reading, the fortune teller tells you she sees a tall, handsome man coming into your life in an unexpected turn of events and invading your mind with thoughts of him. Eventually invading your heart as well. She gives a side glance to Risotto and then back to you, then back to the cards. “Maybe this has already happened or is about to.”  
You shift in your seat awkwardly and let out a nervous laugh. “Is there anything else about it?” The lady looks back down once more and flips the three remaining cards, a wide smile on her lips as she gives you both a nod. “I see wealth, happiness and great amounts of love in this reading. You’ll enjoy your lover’s input in your life greatly, long-term. Here, it shows just how intensely they care and nurture you with their knowledge and feelings.” Risotto was looking intently at the fortune teller, and you did not know how to react to this, placing your hands tightly in fists on your lap. “That’s wonderful… Thank you miss, now we better be-” She cuts you off and points at Risotto. “I believe I’ve got a reading for this man too, don’t worry, for the price of only your reading.”
You sit back down, patting your thighs nervously while the woman mixes the tarot cards once more. Risotto chooses his cards and the woman begins flipping them. “I see you’re a man who’s suffered a great deal, this is what your past tells me. Immense amounts of pain, of loss and of uncertainty. You did in fact feel a sense of emptiness and unfullfillment in you, until recently.” She stopped. A knowing smile on her face when she flipped the present cards. “Your present tells me there’s been a femenine figure in your life that has completely bewitched you. She’s managed to carve her presence into your heart and you let her do it willingly. Could it be an innocent crush? Or maybe it’s something deeper?” After hoovering her hands over the cards and closing her eyes for a moment, she clicked her tongue with a mischievous smile on her face. “Yes, you’re completely enthralled. You even often dream about this woman, and it’s not always as innocently as you present it in your heart to be.” 
Risotto coughs and looks to the side, you notice he’s nervously playing with his fingers, then he looks back at the woman. Flipping his last cards, she chuckles and claps her hands. “This is a wonderful future ahead of you mister! Nothing but a bright light that you so desperately needed in your life is what occupies your future reading.” She paused, caressing one of the cards with her finger and nodding. “I see a determining turn in your feelings, taking a solid form somewhere soon. During some type of trip maybe? Is it just a date? Or is it you’re going somewhere together?” She questioned for herself, then looked back at you both. “At any rate, I’m very happy for you both.”
You shook your head while waving your hands in front of her, dismissive. “No! It’s not like that! We’re just… friends.” You felt hurt just by uttering the word. And, by what you saw out of the corner of your eye, so was Risotto, who looked at you and back at the fortune teller with a rare, saddened and tense look on his face. “I…” he started, swallowing before getting up from his seat and giving the fortune teller a nod and her money. “I do hope your readings are correct, miss.” He finished in a quiet tone, turning around without looking at you with a slight blush on his cheeks. 
Before he exited the room, the lady spoke once more, shuffling the cards back into the deck once more. “You really do feel for the woman in question, do you not, child?” He stopped in his tracks, not turning around and looking down on the floor. After what felt like forever for you, and feeling your heartbeat on your throat, you heard him mutter. “I do.” Then he left. Why was he so dramatic?! 
You were about to run after him when the lady directed her speech to you once more. “Miss.” She started, tucking the deck back into a very pretty, fancy looking box. “Cherish him, he’s damaged goods and I get a hunch you are too. He’s risking breaking again just to get to you.” 
You gave her an enthusiastic nod and a smile as you ran out to chase after him. “I will, thanks!” You replied after crossing the curtain and stepping outside once more, noticing the subject of your affection standing quite noticeably (why is he so tall??) next to the bus stop’s post, letting the bus leave without him. He was waiting for you even though his embarrassment.
“Riz!” You exclaimed, waving your hand at him and smiling awkwardly as you walked close to him, ending up almost touching his arm with yours when you caught up. He gave you a small smile, and this time you did notice the dimple that formed on his face. Not helping it, you giggled and pointed it out. “You get dimples when you smile, that’s an adorable contrast to your serious look.” He coughed whilst covering his mouth with his fist and pretended to look at the timetable once more. “Don’t say that.” He muttered, and you felt your lips turn down into a confused pout. “Why not?”
He turned to look at you, raising his arm and hoovering his index and middle finger over your lips, not touching but almost, feeling the warmth from them seep into your lower lip. “Because I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it as well next time. And I want to keep being your…” He dragged off, letting the sentence die down in his throat as he stared down at you with half lidded eyes, thinking about something and noticing how his mouth curved slightly down.
You slowly rose your hand and grabbed his wrist, guiding his hand and letting it rest flat on your cheek instead, tilting your head and nuzzling into the touch of his hand. “Riz.” You prodded him, giving him a gentle smile. You swallowed trying to disguise the huge ball of nerves you were right there, with his hand on your face as you’d dreamed all those late nights where you texted and wanted to have him there instead. After a deep breath, you closed your eyes and gave the hand on your face a gentle press against it. “I’m in love with you, I think.” You finally confessed.
Not having the time to even open your eyes, you felt your body lift off the ground, being prompted into strong arms and instinctively wrapping your arms into this person’s neck. As you were being held bridal style in the most stupidly romantic scenario, the sunset bathing both your figures and the delightful summer breeze blowing away your worries, you felt a pair of plump lips press against yours, gently, clearly filled with sentiment but still keeping the sensation as sweet.
You stared at him through half lidded eyes and finally, kissed him back, which earned a pleased grunt on his part and a small tug on your bottom lip. Then he broke off the kiss, seemingly coming back to his senses. Quickly, he dropped you off (careful not to hurt you and placing you with practiced gentleness on the ground), his expression apologetic and extremely distressed, not knowing where to place his hands. 
“Y/N I’m, I’m so immensely sorry, I didn’t mean to- Well I did but I didn’t- I don’t know if I should-” He was stuttering, he didn’t know what to say and was sincerely panicking over the simple thought of you not ever wanting to see him again, or worse, you disliking him. You gave him a small smile, pressing two fingers to your lower lip whilst relishing the sensation to yourself. When you looked back at him, he seemed to be weirdly quiet, staring at your gesture, confused. “Risotto.” You began, tentatively stretching your arm and gently touching his hand with yours with the purpose of holding his in yours. When you did, you felt him take a sharp breath in, looking at you, expectant. “…Then does this mean it was okay to-” He got cut off by himself when he shut his mouth tight after seeing you rise his hand in yours to your lips and giving it a loving kiss. 
“Risotto, please do that as many more times as you’d like. I loved it.” 
The man was over the moon, prompting you into his arms once more, this time holding you by your hips and placing another tender kiss on you, a small triumphant smile lingering on his lips.
When dating, he’d love to laze around his or your place on a couch or in bed, watching horror movies or having you rest on his lap while you let him play with your hair and hum a soft tune. He’ll only do this when you’re alone though, he won’t appear so vulnerable and soft in front of anyone else.
For your birthday, expect him to always gift you the same things. A new tiny plant, a book of his choice and an item that caters to your obscure tastes. Will it be a tarot deck, a creepy doll, an amulet this time? Who knows, only Nero knows.
He knows you love cats, so eventually, he’ll surprise you with a cute big box on Christmas, when you open it, you did not expect the tiniest, cutest kitten to be inside of it. As soon as it saw you both and meowed, you threw yourself into Risotto’s arms and showered him in kisses, which he couldn’t help but chuckle about and hold you tight so you wouldn’t fall from your monkey hug.
“See? I got her a tabby, so you can’t joke about it being bad luck.”
You just love so much this man what did you do to deserve him. 
He actually really likes to cook when he’s got the time to! So get ready for nice fancy dinner nights when you get to meet after work or on weekends!
He’s surprisingly really cuddly once you’re behind closed doors, and, well, if you suggest it, a little bit more than cuddly too.
When one summer he comes back home announcing he got a slight raise in his pay, you can’t do anything but jump from the sofa and run at him for a hug, which he takes advantage of and sweeps you off your feet, giving you a welcome kiss instead and, once you’re back down in the floor, he takes an envelope from his back pocket and gives it to you. The amount of love and pampering the Italian got that night was memorable when you noticed the contents of the envelope were plane tickets to that place you always so dearly wanted to visit.
He’ll read to you in a quiet, murmuring voice when you can’t sleep at night, having you rest against his chest or his side as he lets his reading glasses rest on the tip of his nose, which you laugh about sometimes, but he shushes you with a kiss on your forehead or the tip of your nose telling you to “quiet down and hurry sleep”.
He won’t get your bad puns at first, he’s dense like that. But, eventually, you’ll hear him let out bad puns as well when you’re at home, or whispered into your ear as you wait in line in public. You’d let out a pun and he’d look you dead into your eyes and after cracking half a smile he’ll reply with “That, wasn’t very punny of you, my dear.” Please laugh he looks so happy with his progress he’s aching for your bad pun validation.
Bruno Buccellati!
Bruno just really likes how you have this kind, easygoing nature to yourself, yet never quiet down if you want to speak out about something. Strong and kind, he thought of you very highly!
He does feel quite the scare when you mention your rather unconventional likings, but he can’t help but listen with a tender expression on his face. He can’t help it! You look so happy talking about it he just feels bound to listening.
Bruno will be very nurturing towards you. He’ll surprise you with gifts now and then. Need new art supplies? He’s got you. New books to read? He’ll take you shopping for one. Just need a hug and someone to talk with? He’ll be at your door in negative seconds. 
He gives you very good advise with your plants! He didn’t look it, but he’d read enough books about tending to plants to know his stuff when he told you.
He really likes cuddles, he lives for it. Be it after a long day at work, after an entire day in the house, a date day, even out in public, he won’t mind the stares and he’ll hold you close into a hug from behind, resting his chin on your head.
Will absolutely never let you eat takeout if his life depends on it. You either eat his home-cooking or yours, but if you do anything else, perish. (Not perish, he’d rather die for you instead but like, you get it.)
Sometimes you’ll help him out with his work by sitting next to him on his desk, and he’ll thank you with a smile, a sweet kiss and a promise of a nice dinner date. He’ll do the same for you when he’s free from his work! Though he’ll be the one to thank you for letting him help you, sitting you on his lap and spending the rest of the day into each other’s arms.
Brochup: Prosciutto!
Being his boss’s significant other, he’s bound to interact with you more often than usual. Be it him bringing you flowers or breakfast at his boss’s request or just dropping by to take some papers from the apartment, Prosciutto had gradually opened up to you. Even so much as sometimes excusing himself with a false “Risotto told me to fetch something” and spend some time at your place, sitting on the sofa with you while he rambles about his tedious work and you offer him some snacks as consolation.
He really likes you, he finds you sincere, strong and posed. He admires that on a person, and is very happy his superior had found such a partner for himself. Even sometimes, he found himself wondering what it would be like if he were the one in a relationship like yours. He held your relationship as his ideal in the romantic spectrum.
Though not a big fan of occultism, he could get behind you liking supernatural stuff. He even mentioned once he enjoyed reading about cryptid creatures online on his spare time, it was interesting, for him at least. 
You opened a whole new world to him; writing. He’d never in his life had written anything for pleasure. And there you were, telling him he could write down anything he thought about into a document on his laptop or a notebook and it would be wonderful. Not long after, he’d bring you his drafts for you to read through. You noticed he had a liking for writing poetry and short descriptive stories about his surroundings, experiences and feelings. You realized he was a very deep person, and when you pointed it out, he blushed and snatched the text from you, muttering an embarrassed “thank you”. He wasn’t good with compliments.
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timeisacephalopod · 5 years
Text
Bromance
Just a lil Tony/ Rhodey thing with sassy Sam because Sam is the best and also done with Rhodey’s total lack of romantic understandings.
Sam has three whole friends and he’s debating on throwing Rhodey in the ocean. “How many times have you slept together?” he asks. He needs to get this right before he puts Rhodey’s ass on blast.
Rhodey shrugs, “I don’t know, not that many times,” he says and Sam gives him a look. “Like, maybe fifteen times?”
He presses his fingers to his temples and shakes his head. Usually Bucky is his Idiot Friend but Rhodey... Rhodey is stretching his limits here. “Fifteen times and this, according to you, is a ‘bromance’?” he asks. Even Bucky isn’t that stupid.
“What? Its not a relationship I’m not even gay.”
Not even- Sam shakes his head again. “You know what we call a man who sleeps with men but is still interested in women? A bisexual,” he tells Rhodey. How the hell has this man not figured out that he might fall into a whole ass sexuality? How is he like this?
“But I’ve only ever been attracted to Tony,” Rhodey says like that’s a fact that fucking matters.
Sam lets out a long sigh because the world is testing him and he doesn’t know what he’s done to suffer. “Rhodes. Are you aware that bisexuals don’t feel things fifty-fifty sometimes?” he asks.
“Yeah, but like ninety nine percent one way? Seems fake.”
Oh the world just wants to watch Sam burn. “It happens all the time, Rhodes. You don’t fuck a man that many times and claim your straight, okay? At the very least your ass is heteroflexable.” Which, in Sam’s opinion, is literally just two percent bisexual but people will deadass sooner admit to being a unicorn than a bisexual. As a bisexual he’s damn offended by the bullshit ‘I don’t like labels but I’ll happily call myself a video game loving foodie from America because those last three things apparently aren’t labels’ talk. Happens all the time and he has no idea why bisexual became a dirty word. And also, this is key, Rhodey is being next level stupid.
“I don’t think that’s it,” he says. Sam longs, for probably the first time ever, for Bucky to be around.
*
Tony is attempting to fix a lamp when Rhodey comes home, grinning at him as he walks though the door. He walks over and kisses Tony, “what’s that?” he asks, hands on Tony’s shoulders. Behind them someone lets out a sharp wheeze and Tony turns to find a guy standing in the doorway staring at Rhodey like he’s grown a second head.
“A lamp. What’s that?” he asks, pointing to the guy in the doorway.
“Oh, that’s Sam. You’d like him, he’s a chemist,” Rhodey says.
“You’re in a whole ass relationship,” Sam says like this is a shocking discovery.
Tony frowns, “yes?” he asks more than states.
Sam presses his fingers to his temples. “Oh honey, he thinks this is a bromance,” he tells Tony.
Tony turns to look at Rhodey, who looks away much like a guilty dog would. “You... no homo’d... a gay relationship?” he asks, squinting.
“His stupid ass doesn’t think its possible to be two percent bisexual,” Sam says. “Do you know who raised him because I need to have a word.”
“Oh his mother is great, this isn’t her doing,” Tony says. “Don’t think this is the result of his father either, so he learned this on his own.”
“You’ve met his family? Rhodey, I have known you for four years and I haven’t met your family the hell are you on about, bromance?”
Well, the good news is that for once Tony isn’t the most clueless one in the relationship. Pepper’s going to have fun with this one. “I’ve visited his father’s grave too,” he says and Sam’s eyes all but bug out of his head.
“This is not a bromance. Also, for the record, known as a regular ass friendship. Why do guys go renaming already named things? Still, unless you make a habit out of making every friendship romance this is not a bromance or a friendship. Also for the record you are surprisingly cool about all this, I appreciate that because if I were you I would have walked out. Doesn’t even know you’re in a damn relationship.” Sam shakes his head.
Tony laughs, “I figured out that he’s a disaster bisexual awhile ago, I’m just waiting for him to catch up.”
“Disaster bisexual? No, he’s a dumbass bisexual and I’m offended he’s giving us a bad name.”
Rhodey sighs, finally finding his voice. “We don’t even do relationship things,” Rhodey says.
“We’ve gone to several luncheons together,” Tony points out.
“You used to go with Pepper and you two aren’t dating,” Rhodey says.
“No, Pepper gets her own invite and we go together because they’re business functions and we have no choice. You’re my plus one. You don’t bring friends to luncheons.” His mom has been harassing him about Rhodey for weeks now and he’s been waiting for Rhodey to pull his head out of his admittedly very well shaped ass. He didn’t expect his friend to pull his head out for him.
Rhodey looks to Sam for help but Sam shakes his head. “You don’t take friends to luncheons,” he says.
“You take Bucky to luncheons,” Rhodey says.
Sam rolls his eyes, “that’s like bringing your pet to an event. He’s cute so he distracts people and makes it so I don’t have to communicate.”
“How many times have you slept together?” Tony asks, familiar with this line of thought.
Sam waves a hand around. “Irrelevant to the story here,” he says.
Tony throws back his head and laughs, “I can’t believe I’ve run into multiple people who don’t know they’re in a relationship!”
“Am not,” Sam says.
“How many times do you come home and kiss Bucky hello?” Rhodey asks, happy to stick Sam in the hot seat instead of himself.
“It doesn’t count if you’re drunk,” he says and Tony snorts.
“Oh yeah, Rhodey said the same thing the first time we slept together.”
Sam makes an offended noise and glares at Rhodey. “What the hell man, I did not raise you to be like that!”
Tony snorts and laughs. Yeah, he likes Sam chemist or no. “Well, the ensuing argument led to round two and three and he wasn't drunk so that excuse was no longer valid.”
“He’s slept with you way more than fifteen times, hasn’t he?” Sam says and Tony squints at Rhodey.
He looks away, “that was maybe a bit of a... conservative estament,” he murmurs.
Sam rolls his eyes. “You’re dating, that’s that.”
“Fine, then you’re dating Bucky,” Rhodey says and Tony pulls his phone out of his pocket, knowing how to settle this easily.
The ringing of the phone catches both Sam and Rhodey’s attention. Tony grins when Rhodey’s mom answers. “Hey mama Rhodes, are Rhodey and I dating?” he asks and she sighs. 
“Oh, baby, he still hasn’t figured it out yet? Got no idea why, he’s been lusting after men his whole damn life. I thought he was gay until he brought home a girlfriend at fourteen, then I thought he was confused but he stuck with it. He’ll come around,” she says comfortingly. 
Tony grins, “well look at that Rhodey, you gunna call your mama a liar?” he asks.
Rhodey looks at the floor, “no, mama,” he murmurs.
“That’s what I thought. Call Sam if you need to, he’s emotionally aware of himself he might be able to help Rhodey out,” she tells Tony and he laughs.
“Oh he’s here and totally unaware he’s dating some guy named Bucky.”
She makes a confused noise, “the little Jewish boy from Brooklyn? Sam Wilson, you have been in a committed relationship with him since you two were fifteen. How are you unaware of this?” Sam gives Rhodey a ‘rescue me’ look but Rhodey leaves him to suffer. Tony grins because this is good entertainment.
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