#Make me lose my fucking mind because of symbolism and meaning I gave them my own damn self

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

These are for Riddlers (Gotham, BTAS, Capullo, Arkham)

He has a crush on another villain henchwoman, they got along pretty well. Unfortunately her boss is sleazy so when they're having a conversation he goes to her and slaps her ass saying it's time to go back to work. It's visible she's trying very much to not slap him in the face.

"Unprofessional" Gotham, BTAS, Capullo, Arkham x f!reader

Reading this prompt I felt my gut clench and my brain go 🔪

Gotham

- "Excuse you, yes, excuse YOU, sir. You need to apologize. Now."

- He's going to verbally tear this boss a new one. Why it's disgusting, why he should be ashamed, why it's unprofessional-

- If the boss gives him any lip or aggression, Edward seemingly laughs it off before shooting him. Can't teach stupid, he supposes!

- He looks at the body. Then at you. Flushing. Well. This is awkward. Do you need a new job? He could give you a new job.

- Mentally, he figures, crush on you, you work for him, you see how lovely he is and then you fall in love! Win-win for everyone! It's logical!

- Maybe he could even get you some sort of uniform that matches his aesthetic... You two could be hot and MATCHING. Would you let him dress you?

- If you don't want to work for him, he might look a little hurt but! He's understanding! Just because you care about someone doesn't mean you'd work well together, after all.

- He does politely and calmly threaten whoever the new boss is by telling them what happened when the last one got fresh with you. A riddle and a smile. Don't fuck with his crush.

Btas

- He's asking you to leave the room. His expression is dark. Much more serious than you'd come to expect from him. He's gripping his cane tight.

- Even if you get close to the door, you can't hear much. Voices are angry but low. You might be able to make out your name before footsteps are rapidly approaching the door.

- "Come along, dear." He tells you curtly, "I can't in good conscience leave you with such a moronic brute." He seems very ruffled as he stands there.

- Your boss is already following him out, telling him to mind his business. Some misogynistic nonsense about that being why he hired you. That you should be grateful-

- Edward turns to your boss, almost hissing, "And YOU should be grateful that you're not the next subject of my devices. Perhaps you'd like a closer look at my newest inventions?"

- Your boss is quiet. He gulps. Edward huffs before holding out his hand to you.

- He's patting your arm as you walk out, "I apologize for losing my temper. I couldn't let him treat you that way. Anyone-" His face flushes.

- If you gave him a kiss on the cheek, he'll go red up to the ears.

Capullo/Zero Year

- You notice the smile disappear off his face. His eyes are cold. Calculating. Thinking of every scenario and ending. The smile reappears.

- He turns to you, "How would you like to make double what you do now?" It's a job offer. When your boss panics and tells him, he can't just do that- Edward barks a laugh, "Of course I can."

- You accept. It's not exactly a difficult decision. He goes on to praise you, saying that he was meaning to snatch you away anyways (a lie only he knows). You're intelligent, witty, capable, hard working- not to mention pleasant on the eyes (not a lie).

- He continues to your now-ex boss, "Did you know traditionally, under certain laws of the world, theft was punishable by amputation of the hands? I just remembered that right now, as I saw you touching something that was mine and not yours. How funny."

The boss panics, "You trying to threaten me, Nygma? She was still my employee when I-"

"Oh, please." Edward rolls his eyes, "Don't confuse this for some two-bit villainous monologue. I'm telling you plainly: touch her again and you lose an appendage. Consider the warning a symbol of my gracious and forgiving nature."

- and there he is, offering his arm to you as if he didn't almost gleefully promise a man bodily harm in your honor. If you hesitate, he grins wider, "Fear not, I would never cut off such pretty hands for gracing me with your touch."

- You can't help but roll your eyes and take his arm. He looks so smug and proud of himself.

Arkham

- He's actually not saying anything at first. You can sense he disapproves but he waits for you to make a move. If you did slap your boss, he would absolutely be at your side with an electrical stun device to protect you from retaliation.

- Otherwise, he's going to make some snarky comment such as, "Did you really call me here just to show off your hormone-addled business practices? Do you actually do work here or just sexually harass your employees?" Something not outright confrontational (for him), but definitely showing that the boss shouldn't do that again.

- Yet as he watches you walk away, he feels his fingers twitching, aching to work. To tell you how you deserve better than some machismo beast who can't even rub two brain-cells together as he apparently can his pathetic, minuscule-

- The more he thinks on it long after, in fact, the more anger he feels. Lots of rambling and raving to himself in his workshop until he has to stop what he was truly working on to begin a new project. A form of retribution to those who can't keep their hands to themselves.

- The next time you see your boss, he's got multiple broken, bandaged fingers and an apology for you. If you're particularly observant, you can see a discarded riddler trap in the trash can. Bloodied. Some kind of note- you can only guess the contents.

- You, on the other hand, have one "anonymous" metal rose waiting for you somewhere you'll find it. The welding is a little messy, but the petals are smoothly curved. For someone so intent on shouting his prowess all the time, his tender feelings are surprisingly... quiet.

#riddler #edward nygma #gotham riddler #btas riddler #arkham riddler #zero year riddler #foxwriting #x f!reader

[kayesfictioncharactershusbands]

Ops, Sorry Darling Kent X Reader

Requet: Ok so this idea just suddenly came to my mind but can u do a little crossover between pjo and wednesday?? Maybe the reader is a half sister of percy and is the only demigod in the school. A kent x reader and the story is based in the poe cup???? Sorry if it doesn’t make sense😅😅

Summary: Enid wants to win the Poe cup and since she knows that you could breathe and control water, she had a plan. But it was not just hers, it was also Wednesdays. Poe Cup doesn't have rules, and so all the planning to win starts. But the thing is, you're against your boyfriend's team. Who would win?

Warning: a bit suggestive, making out (my first time writing about this kind, so bare with me.) And also lastly mention of curse words but a fluffy ending of course

Note: when I read this request I love it! I was so excited about writing this, so I hope you would like this! Keep sending your request. Because soon I would start having a fanfic commission. But anyway. I hope you would enjoy this!

ALSO, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

(not my pic)

The Poe cup is coming up and everyone is preparing, even Wednesday is participating which was a surprise. Because she doesn't even want to join, and also being a daughter of Poseidon has its advantages. And those advantages were you being underwater.

Knowing Bianca would also make that plan, you also did a plan. But with a twist, of course. Your team is already ready, you're wearing the cat costume but put a twist on it. You put some Poseidon symbol on it and wore the cat ears and the cat whiskers.

When you got out you heard someone whistle, and you made looked. And saw your boyfriend. He got near you and hugged you.

" Good luck out there, baby. And also, I love this fucking outfit." Kent said and started kissing your neck which you giggled and pushed him.

" Well thanks, darling. Good luck to you too. Now, you should go too. Bianca might get mad at you." You told him and he then laughed and you both gave each a peck on the lips.

You then get near Enid who is talking with Wednesday. " Oh la la Y/N, you look hot," Enid said and the both of you laughed while Wednesday rolled her eyes.

" Anyway, are you ready? You're supposed to distract Kent while I and Wednesday do the plan." Enid asked you and of course, you nodded. When Enid is serious, she is really serious because she really wants to win.

Both of them ride the boat and you jumped towards the water, being a daughter of Poisedon you can breathe underwater and could decide if you want to be wet underwater or not.

You followed the boats and saw Bianca's team's plan. You also saw your boyfriend jump underwater, and when he saw you, he raise his eyebrows at you.

" Oh, hi baby!" You greeted him and then controlled the water and he was then not in front of you. You were still following the boats and when the girls arrived at where the flag is, you stayed underwater but made something to Xavier's boat so that it would float.

Just like what Enid did, I mean there were no rules. So, why not? When you saw them arrive at their boats, you then controlled the water so that it would then move away to where they were supposed to go.

You then still followed the boat and saw what Bianca's boat would do, so you moved far away from it. You then saw thing punch Kent and that made you want to get near him and laugh at him. And also made you made their boat shake. And that almost hit Kent.

"Y/N!" Kent shouted at your head which you heard and also made your head hurt. Since being a daughter of the sea god, you could communicate with others, especially with the people who live and is related to the people underwater. Just like Kent and the other sirens, you could communicate with them underwater.

"Ops, sorry darling." You told him with a smile and gave a wink.

Since their team was about to lose anyway, you continued to make their boat float down without hitting Kent of course. While you made your boat float by the water. You controlled the water so that you could ride it, and you were not even wet at all.

Enid helped you so that you could ride the boat, and when you arrived all of you girls screamed since you won. Well except Wednesday.

" Party on our dorm!" Enid excitedly said and made everyone scream back with excitement. You were about to congratulate Enid but someone stopped you.

You turned around when you Kent, his hand was around on your waist. But you frown. Yeah, it was funny when thing punch him but you know it hurts.

"Congratulations, baby," Kent said and smiled then gave you a kiss. That made you smile but you let go and he groaned.

" Yea, no kisses until I heal that eye." You said and dragged him to your dorm. They were a lot of some camp items from camp half-blood, and also some ointments from Will.

He sat down on your bed as you went to your things. " You know, you really looked hot out there. The fact that you rode the water to get near your team, you looked amazing. I guess being a daughter of the sea god really looked good on you." You turned around to him and get near him and just chuckle.

You started putting the ointment in which you know would work on him because it is for people who literally could breathe underwater, and the people who live there. That's what Will Solace is good at, being a good healer and a son of Apollo.

" Don't make such sappy comments, baby." You told him but he just ignored your comment and put his hands around your waist. He then guides your hands to put around his shoulders.

And then suddenly you were then sat down on his lap. " Kent!" You scolded him then the both of you laughed. And then kissed each other.

" I love you, my mermaid," Kent said and smiled at you.

" I love you too, my cute siren." You also said and smiled.

#kent siren x reader #kent x reader #kent fisher x reader

[creepy--claws]

Creepy. SexymanStuck AU.

it's like.. Set in 2013 and the game is fully released to the public.

The kids n trolls(4 now):

- Onceler (knitsWit [KW] ), Prince of Light (huge thanks 4 Ziin for helping meh with this)

- Junko (aphroditesBitch [AB]), Witch of Rage

- Queen (digitizedDiva [DD] ), Rogue of Void

- Popee/Hanabishi (lunaticPierrot [LP]), Bard of Heart

- Nagito (muttsAmbition [MA]), Prince of Hope, Cobalt.

- Scourge (hemoglobinUnguis [HU]), Prince of Blood, Olive.

- Bill (psychadelicArmegeddon [PA]), Lord of Rage, Purple.

- Jessie (serpentineVanity [SV]),Knight of Heart, Violet

-Reigen (metaphysicalPhony [MP]), Thief of Mind, Teal

-Tony (kronossVexation [KV]), Heir of Time (thanks again Ziin!), Jade

- Marceline (vampiricRocker [VR]), Knight of Blood, Rust

The Guardians + Dancestors (4 now):

-Mettaton (Queen's dad)

-Isabelle (Onceler's mom)

-Nichiteru/Papi (Hanabishi/Popee's dad)

-Mukuro (Junko's sister)

-Kaworu (Nagito's dancestor)

- Joxter (Scourge's dancestor)

-Yosano (Jessie's dancestor)

-Cecil (Bill's dancestor)

-Homura (Tony's dancestor)

-Marshall (Marceline's dancestor)

-Cedric (Reigen's dancestor)

Ancestors (4 now):

- The Fake Idol/Gromaeda (Kaworu & Nagito)

- The Huntsman/Bokutachi San (Joxter & Scourge)

-The Swordswoman/Peko (Yosano & Jessie)

Random funny facts! :

- Hatsune Miku is the Nic Cage of this whole fuckin thing

- Junko and Onceler met on moviestarplanet, Popee and Queen met on a Vocaloid RP forum

-The Fake Idol and Huntsman are doomed boy yuri. this ends up making their descendants either love eachother or be best friends

- everyone, if not most of them calls Onceler "Hatfreak"

-Nagito's typing quirk is 4 and Kaworu's is 12. Why? Because 4x3=12

-Nichiteru and Mettaton worked together once at a show

- There's a running joke where Nagito ends up headless one way or another, I mean his dancestor IS Kaworu after all

- sometimes, Vocaloid songs are used as symbolism.

- Onceler's mom is homophobic so he knits in his room in secret because he didn't want his mom to think he was a sissy.

- order of who connected to who:

Onceler > Junko > Hanabishi > Queen

- Scourge dresses emo

- Onceler has Dirk's splinter problem (again, thank you Ziin)

- Sans and Papyrus are the cherubs in this and their juju is actually a fucking rocket pop

- I have a fucking hs weekly account of 4$ale (Onceler♠Nagito) on TWT and I post there on thursdays.

Playlist thing 4 Ancestor story:Voices of Svaahaa, Alice of Human Sacrifice, Song For Great Satan, Sleepyhead, De Kieru and Ballooon Syndrome.

So basically Gromaeda starts a cult, a few members find out what's been going on behind the scenes and in the end Gromaeda execution by beheading. this is also the reason why there's a running gag about Nagito losing his head alot.

misc songs I associate with this: You In The Building, Ekoroshia, Fun Escape From The Human Flesh Forest, Cotton Candy, Dancing in circles until my little clown feet fall off, Neri Chika & ZONED.

Hoooky shir dude. This is the longest I assume idk

n e ways hope u liek it!!

[● Going to pretend Junko isn't in this

Also I'm going to assume Scourge is from Warrior Cats and if that's true, holy piss that's funny and awesome (I am a huge Scourge fan bc he's just like me fr)

This is kind of epic and I like the 2000s/2010s world building you've done to make it feel like homestuck, and sort of make it feel realistic in a way

I also appreciate the care you gave into everything, like selecting the dancestors and ancestors for the characters, selecting their chum/trollian handles, and even the Gromaeda stuff. I also appreciate the song associations you made, I only recognize like 2 but I think they're very fitting. Thanks again for this epic post!]

[cloudninetonine]

“What are you doing?”

You came to a stop at the turn of the blonde’s head; you’ve been caught.

“Nothing to concern yourself with! Nothing at all…”

Wild gave you an unimpressed look.

“That’s your ‘I’m very obviously lying’ voice.”

If only you had thought of doing this before the cook gained back his memories. Then again, you would’ve probably tried it with Hyrule instead seeing as the fallen champion wouldn’t take it as well without the memories in the first place, so scratch that.

“Okay fine, you’ve caught me. I was trying to sneak up on you.”

Wild gave a bubbly laugh at your pouty face.

“And why’s that?”

Maybe… if you were fast enough you could catch him off guard still. Even with his super fast reflexes he was currently in a relaxed position, meaning his guard was down! You sat down next to him, legs tucked under your body.

“To do… this!” As quickly as you could you stretched your arm out and gently clasped his unharmed elf ear.

The young hylian froze in place once your fingers came into contact with the (surprisingly soft-) skin. A light flush dusted onto his face.

“Ha-hah? What are- what are you doing?” Wild stammered out, wide, electric blue eyes staring straight into yours.

You started to realize that maybe this was a stupid idea and you probably should’ve just sucked up your pride and asked instead.

You were just so damn curious about their ears! They swiveled and twitched and the slightest sounds, and they looked incredibly smooth. You couldn’t help but wonder if they felt at all different from yours. Yet you were too embarrassed to ask yourself, seeing as you had no knowledge of whatever symbolism ears may have held in this world.

Trying (and failing) to keep the blood from running up your neck and onto your face, you say with false confidence, “I- um- I just thought your ears were super cute!” Not necessarily a lie, “And I honestly just couldn’t help myself! I wanted to touch them, sorry for not asking-“

You began to pull away, losing courage the more red Wild’s face became. This was so stupid, you should’ve thought about this through more instead of going in with a half-baked plan. You had no idea what culture surrounded their ears or if-

A hand caught your retreating wrist, and those too blue eyes- not unlike your sheikah one- stared straight through yours and into the depths of your soul.

“I, um- I don’t mind if you continue.” Despite his obvious embarrassed flush, Wild gave you a nervous winners smile, urging you to continue with your “””research”””.

This boy… this boy was making you WEAK.

HAH! Didn’t think I could write, didja?

I saw your master list and decided to go through some of the stuff and saw the fuskkckcining EAR THING WITH HYRULE AND COULD NOT STAND BY AND LET WILD NOT GET EAR TOUCHES TOO!

We have a lot of writings and stuff with Hyrule because he is the only one we’ve seen with memories of the player but like- Wild’s got his now too!

To be fair we’ve only seen like a small glimpse of what he’ll be like while we’ve gotten six chapters of what Hyrule is like.

By that tightened hug and soft cries I’m assuming the same overprotective tendencies that Hyrule has and maybe a more “wearing emotions on a sleeve” that Hyrule tries to hide (until he was called and elf boy and kissed which is like my favorite scene ever).

Though, again, we still don’t know what he’s going to be like around the player so most of him in this is pure guess work on my part. So, I just made him soft and sweet because it was a soft and sweet scene.

UIHFPIFBRFUIRFUIRIFR NO BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE THIS SO MUCH THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS BB.

He's so cute, I love him so much.

#cloud answers #bloodybloob #BB

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

I’m keeping a log of my thoughts whilst reading The Half Life of Valery K for the first time because I think it’ll be fun, enjoy (and, of course, beware the spoilers ahead):

- HE’S A NERD YOUR HONOUR HE HAS A LIL PET RAT!!! NAMED BORIS!!! BE STILL MY HEART-

- “…he wasn’t in the habit of looking gift rats in the mouth” MS PULLEY YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN WITH THE LOVABLE WEIRDO

- “…but lately he could feel his mind effervescing” ok Edward Cullen

- so he’s in a cold place losing his memories and forgetting how to think properly…inch resting… my theory brain is working overtime as you can tell (definitely gonna read this one back to myself and cringe at how stupid it sounds but that’s a problem for future me)

- STOP PLS HE GAVE HIS BUNKMATE BORIS TO HOLD BC HE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO BE ALONE THIS SWEET LITTLE MAN

- I am. 2 pages in. And I’m already in love with Valery. Finally, a pulleyverse main character who isn’t a cynical little prick off the bat. Not that I don’t love the others, but I’ve adopted Valery as my son so-

- Wait what’s this fucking tattoo, is it gonna be a good addition to my future pulleyverse sleeve??? (Edit: oh absolutely not that is a real life gang symbolism-)

- I would absolutely make a cigarette out of a cheese ad

- What or who tf is the Vory??? A gang??? A guard system??? Just one guard??? I’m intrigued. This is why Ms. Pulley’s use of paragraph indents is brilliant, because it actually DOES something; most contemporary authors I’ve read do it like every other page and it’s a pet peeve of mine

- Fun fact: my orchestra teacher all throughout high school lived in soviet Russia and served in their military for a while bc it was required by law, but he’s such a sweet guy and I can’t imagine him being as rough and ruthless as these fuckin guards, holy hell-

- WAIT IS VALERY ABOUT TO GO SUPER SAIYAN ON THIS BITCH OH F U C K YEAH

- Oh no he’s just doing mind tricks god damnit. Still, very cool he can keep his composure like that, very much like Joe could, and I really liked that about him so it’ll be cool to see in Valery

- THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE W-

- THEORY BRAIN GOING ABSOLUTELY CRAZY RN!!!

- “But if someone complained about normal life, the overwhelming human instinct was to kick them in the head” if that isn’t me every day at work idk what is-

- I feel like the idea of the world and circumstances making a person “small” (to quote twofs) is a big thing with pulleyverse mc’s but it’s very interesting with Valery bc he seems the most optimistic about it. Idk, it’s just a funky lil thing I noticed, maybe I’ll make another post fleshing out my ideas about all four main characters at some point but for now I’ll leave it there

- Fucking FINALLY, a decent description of the mc off the bat!!! Only took 7 years-

- The specific lack of quotations around “Remember you like doing that, remember how satisfying it is when the ice breaks?” is so fucking interesting, it’s like someone else telling it to him instead of himself that, and it’s an odd place to have a break in the narration style unless it’s purposeful which of course it must be. That is another hallmark of Ms. Pulley’s writing that I just love, the way she can speak and create meaning in the style of the narration, it’s so unique to her works and so so s o fun to read

- Y’know it just dawned on me that Valery is very similar to Linus from The House in the Cerulean Sea

- Ooo chapter titles

- Nice and accurate portrayal of Russian driving skills (from someone who has been cut off while driving on multiple occasions by my Russian orchestra teacher)

- What in the fuckin dystopia is this town-

- Lord knows I am not Grace Carrow’s biggest fan, but her research in ether studies was the precursor to atomic theory, and I’m definitely going to feel like a proud mom if they mention the works of Dr. Carrow at any point in Valery’s research stuff. I have a love-hate relationship with her.

- “…something odd and dead about the lake” INCH. RESTING.

- I’m so intrigued by this dude and his sketchy past and I’m so glad it’s written this way but I’d pay serious money to figure out wtf is going on right this second

- I have a terrible habit of reading the last page of a book when I get antsy — which actually almost caused me to dnf the watchmaker the first time I read it — and I don’t wanna do that but it the urge is there

- Valery…buddy…the first thing you notice about a guy who may or may not kill you is the fact that he’s tall, dark, and handsome??? Really??? Yknow what he’s been in prison for 6 years he deserves it I’m gonna stop shitting on him

- THE LIGHTHOUSE??? I N C H . R E S T I N G .

- This man is autistic I’ve decided

- Pls let Elena and Ilenko be gfs I beg of you Ms. Pulley-

- Valery mathing in his head for a solid page and a half is both adorable and very helpful

- Damn okay Elena I was rooting for you a lil bit but clearly she knows something weird is going on and she’s just being a bitch about it (I’m getting defensive about her being passive aggressive to Valery excuse me)

- Call me crazy but like I’m 95% sure the scientists are also being experimented on. The cheese thing reminded me too much of feeding lab rats for good behaviour.

- I trust tf out of Ilenko now, she’s mean but she’s honest and I like it. Reminds me of Takiko.

- The room is bugged. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Bc they’re being experimented on. There’s no way they’re not.

- SHUT UP BC IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY HANDING OUT MORI’S WATCHES I’M GONNA CRY-

- Shenkov gives me very much Missouri Kite vibes. He clearly knows something more than he’s saying, and likely already has a soft spot for Valery somehow (which I do too but like. I’m reading inside his head so it’s a bit different)

- I’m seriously going to go insane with all the minute references to her other works. Like. It’s totally plausible that someone thinks of Peru first out of every South American country, but is it really a coincidence??? Really??? Especially after tlfop mentioned it so pointedly??? I’m gonna have to start wearing a tinfoil hat at some point.

- The fucking telescope thing I’m going to go nuts-

- Okay back on my comparing the pulleyverse mc’s bullshit, they all have a particular area of observational expertise, and Valery’s seems to be in logistics which is very fun

- Valery’s immediate switch from feeling safe and scared of it to being aware of imminent danger and comfortable with it will never not make me sad

- Why isn’t Ilenko there. Where is my girl.

- Finally in a time period where it’s normal-ish to recognise and call out racist shit hell yeah

- Absolutely love Valery and Shenkov’s dynamic so far, plus the way he interacts with the students is so fucking funny compared to how he interacts with everyone else

- I notice my observations getting less and less frequent the more I get wrapped up in this book, which is impressive considering I’m barely 70 pages in

- Am I crazy or do the radiated mice sound very similar to the people sent to New Bedlam??? Maybe the whole place was built specifically as a quarantine for radiation damage??? Inch. Resting. (definitely not true but a fun theory)

- DAMNIT THEY SHOT MY GIRL!!! FUCK!!! At least Elena is being less of a bitch

- He’s excited about his eyeball jar 🥺🥺🥺 and he is absolutely correct about the medical schools

- Ohoho his devious bastard side is showing now, immaculate

- “He loved children, but he knew he’d never have any” is this bc he’s queer or because of some sad secret medical thing??? Or both???

- …I’m sorry doctor W H O ? ? ? NOT THE FUCKING NAZI BLOOD PURIST WHO PERFORMED HORRIFYING GENETICS TESTS ON CHILDREN??? SURELY NOT??? RIGHT???

- This is…wow…I’m so glad Ms. Pulley made even the obvious bad guy recognise that human experiments and eugenics are inarguably awful but Jesus C h r i s t -

- “…he should not have trusted Shenkov to be above board purely because he thought the man was fascinating” sir you’re going to fall in love with him-

- HHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEMB

- Shenkov…buddy…stop being so incredibly endearing…istg…

- “He was in no state to cope with kindness” :(

- “He was going to have to avoid Shenkov as much as he could, at least until the triple shot had worn off” :((((((((((

- “…felt as though something Artic had come to look at him” ooo inch resting inch resting, very Winter King-esque

- Valery is such a genuinely nice dude who understands the reasons people do science I love him sm

- What is with these tattoos man I need descriptions!!! I wanna know!!!

- STOP PLS HE TELLS JOKES TO THE PEOPLE WHO BUGGED HIS ROOM THAT’S SO CUTE-

- God al-fucking-mighty I love this man. He really said “…don’t you find usually that the people who are most worried about seeming effeminate are the ones with a permanent Friday-evening appointment with a sailor?” I can’t-

- H e l l yeah Shenkov chapter!!! Oh wait no he had his ribs broken oh no-

- Wow there is some brilliant sensory descriptions from Shenkov, which is like. Oddly reminiscent of reading a chapter in Thaniel’s pov. I’m choosing to interpret this as him having sensory issues bc I think it’s fun, but either way it’s fantastic writing

- AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING WINTER KING, WHAT THE F U C K (also Shenkov and his kids are adorable)

- I am a big fan of Ms. Pulley making her female characters tough and morally grey as like a fuck you to the stereotypes but would it kill her to write a female character who isn’t borderline sociopathic??? Would it??? Bc I don’t know many people who can deal with 3 miscarriages, and potentially a fourth, and not feel any specific way about it

- “People think science is all specialists and expensive stuff, but it’s mostly made of kitchen rolls and fridge magnets and we just spray it black when anyone with a news crew turns up” absolutely love that

- Who tf is the medical doctor she seems cool af

- “I’m a funny harmless little science elf, people tell me things” F E L T

- Awweee cute winter-y description of Shenkov but ooo the “bonfires in the forest” thing is sus to me

- I like Nanya, she means business and doesn’t take any shit. T h a t ‘ s a good way to write a strong female character

- OH FUCK THE TRUTH ABOUT ELENA IS COMING OUT!!!

- He really said “I’m gonna be in prison for 10 years. Wanna play hangman?” Absolutely love this fucking nerd

- Oh my god I fucking love the octopus he’s so CUTE!!! And the way Valery just gets him bc he wants to!!! And the way the octopus is so protective of him!!! Ugh I adore him

- “How much more qualified do you want me to be?” GET HIS ASS VALERY!!! I’d pay serious money to see him interact with that phd guy he supposedly annihilated

- “Surely there were things even KGB agents didn’t want to hear.” MY GUY-

- I keep mistyping KGB as LGB and I think that is mildly hilarious

- Valery as a teacher is. Fantastic. Like genuinely such a good teacher. I know Ms. Pulley is a professor herself so I’m sure she’s a fantastic teacher too and that makes me happy

- …I may have misjudge Anna-

- I feel like if a pulleyverse man is going to be married to a woman (for more than like a day at least) she legally has to be the coolest person on the planet

- Oh my fucking g o d the gaslighting from Elena and the director is driving me NUTS

- I KNEW IT!!! I FUCKIN K N E W THOSE RANDOM “VOLCANIC” EXPLOSIONS WERE WEIRD!!! ANNA YOU BRILLIANT BASTARD!!! If she turns out to be a shitty person I WILL be crying myself to sleep

- Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Va-

- Brb putting my fOOT THROUGH THIS BOOK ISTG-

- THE ASYLUM??? UM???

- Very excited to add more to my analysis on asylums from that one post I made a bit ago even though I haven’t read the chapter yet, but I think it’s very cool that she’s adding that element into this book as well

- Every time the Winter King is mentioned/alluded to my ears perk up like a dog

- “My tools of the patriarchy are getting too long.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I got too wrapped up in the rest of it to finish this but final thoughts:

- I fucking. Love Valery. So much. He’s such a sweet little man but also a complete bastard who blows people up and it’s genuinely the best character combination I can think of

- Shenkov is a gentle giant and I would give him my first born in a heartbeat (bc he would take fantastic care of them)

- Sincerely misjudged Anna at first and I regret it sorely, she is perhaps my favourite side character in the whole book

- I love the ending as well, it wraps up in the same way twofs does; could be a happy enough ending, but with enough unfinished business to make a good transition into a sequel, and I would be absolutely thrilled to have a sequel

- All in all, fantastic book, 10/10, will absolutely be recommending it to anyone who will listen

#the half life of valery k #the half life of Valery k spoilers #natasha pulley #I had fun making this and I might just do it again for her next book

[merryfortune]

want to rant about RyoSpec? Rant about RyoSpec (feel free to go on a wholly positive rant about it too)

This shit got longgggggggg

My positive rant:

I love them. They are a set who must not be separated.

Like Ryoken was the first person who accepted Spectre as he was. He gave him a home. Their backstory together is sooooo shoujo and sweet, like just taking home this little lost boy like a lost puppy, I love it but said puppy is??? The kid that your dad experimented on??? And he liked it?? Like wow, instant angst, too.

Like that shouldn't work! They have diametrically opposed views of the Incident and yet, Spectre is rock solidly devoted to Ryoken. I wish we knew more of how that worked. Spectre is Ryoken's second-in-command! That's amazing.

But its heartbreaking at the same time. Spectre adored the incident and yet, he's now tasked with aiding the extermination of the Ignis and he was in the dark the whole time that Ryoken knew only Lightning was the "bad" Ignis. I chalk this up to jealousy personally. Cross Duel also has the interesting take that Spectre doesn't mind (or possibly know) that Ryoken was the whistleblower for the Incident, too. I could dig into these plot points both negatively and posivitively but for the positive note, I think it goes to show just how protective Ryoken is towards Spectre and speaking of how protective Ryoken is with Spectre...

That leads into my tin foil hat theory that Ryoken is why Spectre's mother issues were toned down/censored in the dub because there is a striking parallel between Ryoken and Sunavalon Dryatrentiay in that they both protect Spectre. Spectre is weak and he doesn't care if he's weak because he has both Ryoken and his mother. Take that as you will and I'm going to use Spectre's mother tree thing as a launching point to discuss the oppositional symbolism around them: Spectre as a force of nature and Ryoken as a force of humankind.

I think its really neat how well they work together symbolically, representing technology versus nature. The loyalty Spectre has to Ryoken is so delicious, like by all means they should not work together because of how their pasts combine and how these symbols they're aligned with are typically at odds with each other and yet. Spectre spat in the face of Kitamura who tried to goad him into abandoning Ryoken.

Like I dunno if you recall or remember the theories flying around before Spectre vs Kitamura but basically everyone I was in contact with was firmly in the camp that Spectre was going to abandon Ryoken and try to off him before the Tower of Hanoi could even begin and he didn't. I found that so remarkable and refreshing. It would have been so easy for the writers to make Ryoken/Revolver more redeemable/sympathetic by having his second in command betray him like that for the evilz but he didn't.

And vice versa. Ryoken doesn't abandon Spectre. He was by his side in his comatose state, he was so upset when he saw Spectre lose to Lightning. It really means the world to me.

EDIT: ALSO HOW COULD I FORGOT

Spectre is so head over heels in love with Revolver that Playmaker used it to his advantage in their duel!!! Spectre would not do anything which brings shame or dishonour to his beloved. Sugoi.

TLDR I love them.

And then, as a chaser to that shot, my most unhinged rant I have locked and loaded (albeit in an unfinished fashion) for them is that they are two halves of a whole oedipus complex.

The facts: Ryoken is submissive to his Father, unable to escape the gravitational pull that he has on him needs to rebel and then we have Spectre, whose whole deal is being a mama's boy <3 So this symmetry is what builds towards my oedipus complex since one lacks a mother figure and the other lacks a father figure and you need both the urge to kill your dad (c'mon Ryoken, give in, I know you want him dead) and the urge to fuck your mum (thanks Spectre and your g-rated orgasm and the tentacle hug).

And then my negative rant: I miss when I could call them a popular ship. I miss when I didn't dominate the tag. I also wish we had gotten more canon content. I hate that Ryoken didn't mention Spectre in his duel links opening, especially since he had so much awful things to say about Earth, both in duel links AND IN THE SHOW :(

Like I mentioned before they shouldn't work and yet they're so loyal to one another but we didn't really get to dig into that. I wish we'd gotten a little bit more of their childhood together in particular. I'm firmly in the camp that the only reason Ryoken has the emotional intelligence that he shows towards Yusaku and Takeru further down the line is because of having spent 10 years with the hard mode trauma trigger of Spectre (lol).

Oh well, fingers crossed that we get something when Spectre finally debuts in Duel Links.

Also I'm running my Respectfulshipping event in January again, hoping to post prompts end of November/beginning of December. I need to start brain storming some.

#asks #chancellorxofxtrash #respectfulshipping #ship asks

[saintchlorine]

still can't stop thinking about the how the blair witch game could have just...not had the blair witch at all and it would have been almost exactly the same (if not better)

#she's a weirdly minor part in the story like...seriously if you took her out and just switched up all the stuff with the sticks and symbols #seriously if you just gave me supernatural PTSD woods nightmare ft. carver without the witch?? idk i think it would be better #it just felt a little bit shoehorned in. i guess because it's so divorced from its source material it just felt weird #the ellis and carver narrative is where it's at imho i mean seriously that segment of the game had me LOSING my MIND #as well as the flashback sequences and just unraveling the trauma and the mystery of who these people are #could have just been a supernatural psychological survival horror without the branding of blair witch imho #also...'turn on the lights. the headlights turn them on' gives me chills STILL after the ending sequence #the best parts of the game were when they leaned into the characters of ellis and carver and who they are in relation to one another #the best parts of the game were NOT when the blair witch was around. it was whenever you were like oh FUCK so THAT'S what happened to ellis #or were realizing all of the narrative parallels in shock and horror as you ran through the house. really just the house sequence in general #BUT i will say that the standing in the corner thing is very effective horror which you could not have w/o the witch so i see why she's here #idk my thoughts on this game are very complicated i just really love depressed denial man ellis and crazy old man in woods carver #it's a real mindfuck of a game so i just wish they'd leaned into that more instead of making it so franchise-y #tbd just...thinking about ellis and carver rn #lauds.txt

[lady-griffin]

One of the best things that has come from the “unfortunate” amount (imo) of background scene info we’ve gotten from the creators of Arcane, is that it shows us how Arcane could’ve easily not be as good as it was. 

Obviously, a lot of a very talented and skilled people worked very hard and put a great amount of time and effort into this show, which is the main reason for why Arcane is so fucking amazing. 

That shouldn’t be ignored, Arcane didn’t just happen by dumb luck or the stars aligned; time, dedication, and hard work were put in and that should be acknowledged. 

Still, we also see some of the “mistakes” or miscommunication along the way, helped Arcane along.

Arcane was created by many, many people, who don’t (or didn’t) always see things the same way. Arcane is not from one single mind and that’s true of most, if not all, the movies, comics, and tv shows we watch. Stories are rarely (and I do mean rarely) amazing, because one single creative genius was behind them, but instead are so compelling, because many different people collaborated together to create a cohesive story.

------

That being said, there’s also the bonus element as someone who loves film, tv, and media to see ‘accidental writing’ occur in some of my favorite works. Basically, that’s an idea, theme, character trait, or some kind of world building that emerged from the story, not because the author intended for it to happen, but it just formed out of the story for whatever reason.

I think one of my favorite examples for Arcane is that according to writer Amanda Overton, Vander was supposed to have tried to kill Silco after he rescued the girls from the bridge; but the animation team made them look so much younger and that was a mistake, because of miscommunication.

But the story we actually got in the end is far more interesting and better, than what the original intention seems to have been.

Sidenote: It still feels very hard for me to believe that no one caught that Vander and Silco look so much younger in the drowning scene, before the show aired.

So, while it may not have been the original intention, I wonder if it was something they chose to keep in the story, even if it was not in the og script. 

Because that makes a whole lot more sense to me. 

-----

-        Vander symbolically gives up violence when he saves the girls, so him trying to drown Silco after that, takes away the symbolic weight and meaning of that scene. He literally drops his gauntlets on the ground to carry the girls back to safety. 

-       We see or learn how different Vander has become after the bridge, since years before he was willing to drown his ‘brother.’ But that seems hard to imagine for the Vander we meet in Act I; so, again, we see how different one can become and how their priorities shift after having children - solidifying the parallel between Vander and Silco. 

-        We see the Hound of the Underground return when he’s been pushed to his extreme - two of his kids are now dead and one is in severe danger.

Vander ‘gave up’ being the Hound to be well, Vander, father of four. We even see in the scene when he thinks all three are dead, it looks like Vander gives up, that is until he sees Vi is still alive. 

Vander is not pushed to such an extreme because he has nothing to lose, but because he now has everything to lose.

-       Vander also didn’t seem to be all that aware Silco was still out there (lurking/scheming) or an active threat. But, if he tried to kill Silco after he saved the girls – than it definitely feels like Vander should’ve been far more concerned about Silco, because….

Well, there’s a difference between not hearing from a man 5-6 years after you tried to murder him and not hearing from him 15+ years.

It makes far more sense if the attempted drowning took place years before the bridge, because even if Silco was an ever-looming presence or painful ghost for Vander, he still isn’t on the forefront of Vander’s mind as a current threat - because again Vander hasn’t heard from Silco in over a decade. 

-       Silco’s line to Deckard about the important lesson he learned “when he was about your age,” makes far more sense, because Silco appears to be around Deckard’s age, or a few years older when Vander tried to kill him and he fought back with everything he had.

-       Silco’s line of “I hated you, but you kept my respect. Until you made peace with them. Played lapdog after everything we suffered.” -

Does not work in the slightest with the idea that Vander tried to kill Silco after the Bridge Rebellion. It really doesn’t, like there’s a decent amount of mental gymnastics and loops to go through to make that work.

However, that line absolutely works with the idea that Vander tried to kill Silco because their ideas of how to achieve independence were diverging, with Silco potentially becoming more of an extremist, willing to hurt anyone if it got them independence. 

Silco hated Vander for trying to kill him, obviously, but since Vander was still fighting Piltover and trying to achieve Zaun’s independence, but in a different way, Silco still respected Vander for that, even if he disagreed with his methods or thought Vander wasn’t going far enough - Vander was still fighting the good fight. 

It’s not until after the bridge rebellion, after Vander saved two girls and adopted two more kids and had something to lose, that Vander started to play “lapdog,” making a deal with Grayson - that’s when Silco lost his respect for Vander and his anger and resentment grew in the time between after the bridge scene (or whenever the deal was made) and the rest of Act I.

-       It also explains why Silco seemed to have developed such a hatred for Vander’s kids. He views them as taking one of Zaun’s greatest champions away from Zaun, they’re the reason why Silco “lost respect for Vander.” You could even argue they are scapegoats for Silco, someone else for Silco to blame, not himself or Vander.

-        Of course, Silco hating Vander’s kids and hating Vander for choosing them over Zaun is quite the compelling story, given the contrast between who he was and who he now has become in the end, because of Jinx. Silco now loves Jinx as HIS daughter and he had everything he ever wanted or fought for on a silver platter, but he couldn’t do it, because he couldn’t give her up.

-        In the end, Silco understood why Vander did what he did in “playing lapdog.” Because now Silco has become someone who his younger self would’ve lost respect for and that doesn’t matter to him. Silco picks Jinx over Zaun. Silco finally has someone that actually matters to him, more than anything or anyone, someone he can’t lose. 

-       Vander trying to drown Silco when they were younger, just shows us how different these two men once were and how different they ended up being. Even when they are in the same spot, what they end up doing is quite different. 

Vander was willing to give up fighting for his kids, and for years he did that, but in the end, he never stopped fighting to keep one of them safe, not until he took his last breath.

Silco on the other hand was more than willing to burn everything and everyone else to the ground for Jinx, but when she killed him, he accepted it and with his last moments, tried to give her comfort and reassurance, the best he could. 

--

I hope Arcane keeps the story we got in the end.

Sidenote Again: It still feels very hard for me to believe that no one caught that Vander and Silco look so much younger in the drowning scene, before the show was aired. 

So, I wonder if, since a lot of people seem to think the creative process is just - have an idea and said idea becomes the final product and that’s it. Or the insane notion that the first draft of anything should be THE main source of authenticity that one should always consider above everything else...even though that’s not how the creative process works, like at all. 

Because, you know, ideas and stories grow, evolve and change as you work on them. 

So, while Amanda said that the scene was a mistake or miscommunication between the writers and the animation, maybe they kept the change the animators made and even worked with said change, within the story.

Maybe??

Because that makes a a lot more sense, considering how well the story works with the idea that Vander tried to kill Silco when they were younger. 

That aside, there can also be a problem in focusing so much on a “mistake” and trying to fix it retroactively, especially if you are able to do so in future movies or seasons. Because while not always, usually in the end that causes more problems and inconsistenties for the show, rather than solves things.

Star Wars has so many, so many examples of this. From the original trilogy’s re-releases to the new trilogy’s, well disaster of a story as they kept trying to fix the “complaints” from fans as each new movie came out. 

Arcane trying to fix previous “mistakes” in future seasons could also potentially create a barrier or exclusive nature for the show; because you might have to know background information to understand certain scenes, which…

That’s bad storytelling. 

If I can’t understand your show based on what you give me in your final product, that’s a major problem. I shouldn’t have to go onto social media, read articles about the show or know the author’s intent to understand what is happening. 

It’s fine if that stuff it out there, but it should be a bonus, not a requirement to watch, enjoy or understand your piece of work.

And I think a lot of people forget that, fans and creators alike, especially as communication becomes easier between the two.

I hope we see Arcane keep the version they gave us. That Vander tried to kill Silco when they were younger, it works with the story we got in the end.

I also think it’s a good lesson for many creative types - sometimes us creators, we need to loosen our death grips on our creatives works and learn how to adapt. 

Just my thoughts.

#Arcane #Silco #Vander #Jinx #Silco and Vander #Vander and Silco #Silco and Jinx #Arcane Vander #Arcane Silco #Arcane Jinx #Writing #Netflix #Leage of Legends #arcane league of legends

[pawsthec]

I have this image in my head of Lady D trying to impress her handmaiden who she has a crush on in like very subtle but not too subtle ways.

Everyone except the handmaiden sees it and they're losing their fucking minds while watching in agony as the handmaiden continues to be oblivious.

Lady D sat at her vanity one morning: darling, come here please.

handmaiden: yes, my lady?

Lady D: I would like to try a new hair style today, I would like you to style it if you please

handmaiden: of course, how would you like me to style it?

Lady D: whatever way you wish, my dearest

handmaiden: if you are certain that's what you wish, my lady

Whatever style the handmaiden styled Alcina's hair into she continues to wear for the next month and grows tired of the handmaiden not saying anything about, not a single comment.

She finds out the handmaiden's favourite treat and has the chef make that the dessert for next two weeks, nothing.

Learns her favourite book and makes sure that that book has a new copy in the library within the week, never hears her speak about books again.

Learns that she enjoys doodling and writing little stories and gives her a notebook with the Dimitrescu house symbol on the front made by the Duke, she gets a simple "thank you, my lady" and never sees the book again.

Even gets to the point that on valentines day she invites her to have dinner with them, it takes a few minutes of discussion (empty threats) for her to begrudgingly agree to it. Silent throughout apart from one word answers.

It gets to the point where she just corners her in the lady's chambers and blurts all her feelings out like:

Lady D incrediblly pissed off: you! You have been getting on my nerves for far too long now. This needs to end.

handmaiden confused as fuck: what are you talking about?

Lady D even more pissed off and contemplating throwing her vanity: what am I talking about!? Are you really that stupid you insolent mortal

handmaiden even more confused and quickly growing upset: what...?

Lady D quickly realising that her words stung: I apologise (handmaiden's name) I did not mean to harm your emotions, I am simply frustrated that you don't seem to have picked up on my intentions

handmaiden slightly scared: intentions? What kind of intentions?

Lady D sighing: not harmful ones, I simply mean that I wish to... Court... You

handmaiden: me!? I mean I thought so already but I was scared that I was interpreting things wrong.

Lady D: what do you mean you thought so, I thought I was being obvious. The hairstyle I wore for a month, having the chef serve your favourite treats for dessert, a new copy of your favourite book appearing in the library, that notebook I gave you for your little stories and doodles. I even invited you to dine with my family and you thought you were interpreting things wrong, you really are foolish

handmaiden: I thought I was being hopeful to think that a wonderful woman such as yourself could ever be flirting with me

Lady D flattered as fuck: excuse me?

handmaiden: well, first I styled your hair a way I knew you would like so I thought that you just liked the hairstyle enough to wear it alot, I know that my favourite treat is also the same as Lady Daniela's so I thought that she requested it, my favourite book is a lesbian romance story and I noticed how your copy was a little too well loved so I didn't think much of it when a new one appeared, the notebook was greatly appreciated and I use it almost constantly in the evenings but I was honestly too flattered to say anything more than thank you. I was honestly making up reasons why those gestures were romantic.

Lady D: and that dinner?

handmaiden: it's what allowed me to see that you have an attraction towards me, the reason I was silent is because I was too flustered to speak, my lady.

Lady D: I will let you stupidity slide, on one condition

handmaiden: yes, my lady?

Lady D: that you come over here and let me finally kiss you

#lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #alcina x female reader #alcina x y/n #alcina demitriscu #alcina x maiden #alcina x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #re8 fanfiction #re village #resident evil #re8 #re8 village #re8 dimitrescu

[babyboibucky]

Obvious

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky are more than friends but less than lovers.

Word Count: 1,700

Warnings: slight angst??? mention of injury???

A/N: Inspired by Ariana Grande’s “obvious” because I fucking love that song lmfao. Let me know if anyone wants to be included in my Bucky Barnes tag list! Will do separate tag lists for everything Bucky and Babysitting Bucky. Feedback is highly appreciated!

MAIN MASTERLIST

---

You and Bucky weren’t lovers, no. But you were definitely not just friends either.

There were kisses early in the morning, while both of you were cuddled in bed basking in the warmth of the sunlight spilling through the thin curtains; soft and subtle touches in the afternoon as the two of you navigated through the kitchen in an attempt to bake together. Slow touches late at night, cold metal fingers grazing you in just the right places that made you feel like on fire. And the exchange of whispers in the wee hours of night after coming down from the high of exploring each other’s bodies, uttered so softly, words meant only for each other to hear.

More than friends indeed, less than lovers? Maybe. Maybe not. Does it matter though? Because even without the words of affirmation, you loved Bucky and was sure that he loved you just as much.

Besides, you were obviously head over heels for the soldier. Not that you were denying or hiding it, in fact, you felt like you showed it a tad bit too much.

“Leaving so soon, soldier?” You’d asked with a pout as you watched Bucky leave your side on the bed.

“Duty calls.” He told you as he began to dress up.

Noticing your frown, he chuckled and approached you on the bed, bending down to press a kiss on your forehead.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He reassured you, smoothening out the crease on your forehead with his thumb.

“But I wanna cook you dinner.” You told him.

The thought of you and Bucky spending a domesticated evening together always elated you. You loved daydreaming about it, about sharing a life with your super soldier. Him coming home after a mission and you making sure to take good care of him. Maybe run him a bath while you prepared dinner. Silly, it seemed but you couldn’t help imagining all the possibilities with Bucky. Letting him sleep in on Sundays while you go on a jog, only to come back home with pancakes and bacons waiting for you in the kitchen. And Bucky of course, fresh out of bed with his hair sticking up in different directions.

Being with an Avenger of course, made it difficult to experience all these things. Sometimes you’d wake up alone but Bucky always made sure to leave you a little note.

I’ll be back soon, beautiful.

His notes found a home in one of your drawers. There were plenty and although these notes symbolized his absence on most days, they also meant promises. Promises to make it up for the lost time, promises that were never broken nor forgotten.

Dinner dates were often postponed, sleepovers a rare occurrence— spending time together in general, wasn’t as easy as it was for other couples out there.

But that’s okay. Because you’d always wait for Bucky. You’d wait for him to come home and even if it’d take him three days, one week, two months or even a year, you’d still wait and welcome him with hugs and kisses and affectionate whispers.

Sometimes you wondered whether Bucky knew how much you loved him.

Disagreements were of course, unavoidable even between you and Bucky. Oftentimes, the arguments would stem from his carelessness and selfless decisions during missions. Your super soldier, always so giving and generous and kind. You couldn’t care less about what others thought of him and his days under the influence of monsters. The moment you knew you loved Bucky, you had already accepted him. And that included his demons and dark days too.

To you, Bucky had always been kind and put others first before himself. Sometimes a little too much that you couldn’t help but feel hurt that he didn’t seem to care how you’d feel if ever he wouldn’t make it home.

If Sam hadn’t called you that night, you wouldn’t have known about the serious injury inflicted on Bucky while on a mission.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked as soon as you barged into the medical bay, ignoring the nurse who immediately scrambled out of the room.

Bucky laid in bed, bruised and wrecked and unable to respond upon seeing you seething with anger for the first time ever.

“Were you even planning to tell me in the first place?” You scoffed.

They needed to infiltrate another Hydra base. Raid the base, get all possible information and blow it up to ashes. But then Bucky found a secret basement at the very last minute, young women and men were kept— future Winter Soldiers. The serum hadn’t been injected into their systems yet, they were merely poor teenagers in captivity. Bucky knew he couldn’t let these young people suffer the same fate as him. With barely a minute left before the bomb was set to explode, Bucky did his best to save everyone in that basement.

Never mind the Falcon’s orders to abort his mission, never mind the back-up they had called for to help them out. Bucky knew the choices he had: walk away unscathed knowing that the back-up wouldn’t arrive in time to save the children, or stay behind and do his best to make sure that no one will become another toy for Hydra to play with.

Even if it meant risking his life, even if it meant leaving you back home unaware of his fate.

“They needed me. I couldn’t just leave them behind.” Bucky explained.

“And you didn’t think I needed you too?” You asked, eyes rimmed with tears.

God, you knew you were selfish for feeling hurt but you couldn’t help it. Did it not cross Bucky’s mind that if he had died, you’d be left behind too? Did you not cross his mind during that time?

“Look, I understand what the superhero life is all about. And I know that it’s fucking selfish of me to say this but...Bucky, I need you too. As much as the world does.”

It was a conversation that you and Bucky had many times now. But with how your love grew for him with each passing second, the thought of losing him, it had become too much for you to suppress.

Waking up without his little notes of reassurance that he’d be back soon, no more cold fingers tracing against the smooth expanse of your skin and having to sleep knowing that the next day, Bucky wouldn’t be there anymore— just the mere thought of losing him broke your heart.

“I can’t...” you breathed out, “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Buck.” You admitted with a shaky sigh as your tears continued to fall.

Bucky wanted to get up and pull you to an embrace, but he was too injured to do so. How we wanted to kiss your tears away, all he could do was extend a hand towards you, inviting you to come closer and touch him.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “I should have told you, I’m sorry. C’mere.”

Despite your anger, you didn’t think twice and immediately went to hold Bucky’s hand, squeezing it tightly as if you were trying to make sure that he was fine and real and that you didn’t lose him.

“Please stop being so reckless. With how much I love you, it drives me crazy whenever you come home all wounded and bloody and now—“

“You love me?”

Bucky had asked the question as if he couldn’t believe that yes, you do love him. Sam really wasn’t kidding when he said how dense Bucky was.

“Is it not obvious?” You asked, wiping away your tears.

“I mean yeah but...I just didn’t want to assume that you do because we never really talked about it.” He explained, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

His metal fingers, although cold and hard against your skin, had always been your favorite. They were gentle when they needed to be, or at least whenever Bucky touched you. They were cold and made you shiver but always in a good way.

“Bucky, I’ve talked about wanting a future with you. You still didn’t think that that was love?” There was a hint of playfulness in your tone despite your deadpan expression.

Oh no, what if you interpreted everything the wrong way?

“Do you not...oh my god, Bucky am I the only one in love?” You asked, panicked.

“Oh god, no.” Bucky immediately clarified as he pulled you to sit down on the bed beside him.

“I love you. So much. Please don’t think otherwise.” He said, cupping your face and wiping away the remnants of your tears.

A smile followed by a quick peck on the lips. Bucky moved and gave you enough space to lay down beside him on the hospital bed. Suddenly, everything felt right. Not that it wasn’t before but with the both of you finally uttering those words, it felt different.

The perfect kind of different.

You laid your head against Bucky’s chest and listened to his heartbeat as his hand rubbed comforting circles on your back. You can’t imagine a life without being this close to him, your super soldier.

“I thought of you, you know.” His chest rumbled as he spoke.

You lifted your head up to look at him in confusion. He smiled at you lovingly, “During the mission. Every mission I go to actually, I thought of you.”

Bucky thought about how you always waited for his return no matter how long he took. He imagined what you’d be doing when he’d come back, would you still be asleep? Perhaps you’d be in the shower, singing. Bucky thought about how he’d kiss you as soon as he comes home, how he’d make you feel how much he missed you and your scent, how your smooth skin felt against his.

Every single time, Bucky thought about coming home to you. It was his motivation to stay alive no matter what. He knew you needed him as much as the world does.

Because he needed you just the same.

More than friends, indeed. Less than lovers? No, you and Bucky were more than that.

You were each other’s worlds.

#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky x reader #sebastian stan

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of PD: Season 5: PTSD (A Halstead brothers + Halstead! sister imagine)

As always, I don't own any quotes from 5x01 of Chicago PD!

Your age: 16

Jay's age: 30

Will's age: 32

"I just talked to Ballistics. The bullet that hit the little girl was a nine-millimeter."

"I thought the bangers were firing 45s."

"They were."

"You're saying I shot that little girl?"

That. That was the conversation that was replaying in Jay's head as he sat on the couch of his apartment that afternoon. How could he call himself a cop, a good cop, if it was him who shot that girl? He should've known that there an illegal daycare center there, even though no one could've known, he still should've figured it out somehow. But, he was taking heavy fire and he did what he needed to do. But, that didn't make him feel any better. A little girl was in critical condition and fighting for her life at Chicago Med because of him. It was all his fault.

***

Your mind wandered back to the day earlier in the year when it was your sixteenth birthday...and you had gotten the iPhone that was currently blowing up with Twitter notifications all about Jay.

You had gone for breakfast with your dad because he had completed the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and was doing a lot better. He also had visitation rights after he completed the 12 Steps, so he had the right to see you. Since you were 16, you could refuse, but you didn't want your dad to feel bad. And, from what you had heard from Will who had been going to see how he was doing to see if it was safe for you to see him, he was doing really well.

During breakfast, he had given you a gift. You opened it and immediately recognized the bracelet.

"Is this Mom's?" you asked. "I thought you said you couldn't find it when I asked for it when I was like ten."

"I've kept it all these years, I was just waiting for the right time to make sure you'd be able to take care of it and not lose it."

You remembered playing with the charm bracelet when you were little when it dangled off your mom's wrist. There were a bunch of different charms from places she had gone, such as Mount Rushmore, Washington DC, a record charm that she had bought in Hollywood, and for other special occasions, such as a steering wheel charm she got from her parents when she got her driver's license, a graduation cap she got for graduation which she also got from her parents, a wedding dress charm which symbolized the day she married your dad, among other charms.

"Thank you," you replied as you held back tears.

He'd changed, he'd recovered, but there's still no way you'd go back to live with him.

***

"How was breakfast with Dad?" Jay asked as you walked into the apartment after you had breakfast.

"Good. He's doing really good, Jay." You walked up to him and opened the small gift box you were holding. "He gave me this." You held the box out to him and he smiled.

"Mom's charm bracelet?" You nodded. "Want me to put it on you?"

"Please."

Jay's breath hitched as he took the bracelet out of the box. It was like he was holding a little piece of his mom, and this piece of your mom would forever be with you the moment he fastened the clasp.

"It's perfect," you said as you fiddled with a few charms.

You both sat in silence for a few moments, just thinking about the fact that this was your mom's and it was now yours.

"Ready to go get your license?" Jay asked, breaking the silence.

"Is that even a question? Yes!"

You had taken your driver's test a week ago after completing the long process of going through two segments of driver's training classes, taking a written test, securing your learner's permit, and accumulating 50 or more hours of driving practice with either Jay or Will.

Jay chuckled at your excitement. "You good with how you look? You'll have the same license photo until you're 21, you know?"

"Let me go put on some lipstick!"

"Not that super dark reddish-purple one!"

"Yes, that super dark reddish-purple one! It's my favorite and it looks good on me!" you yelled as you ran to your room.

Once you had applied your lipstick, you and Jay made your way to the Secretary of State with all the necessary documents for you to get your license.

***

"Why's my license vertical and not horizontal like yours?" you asked after you exited the building with your brand new license.

"You get a horizontal one when you're 21. Just makes it easier for us cops to identify if you're underage if we ask for your license. And for bartenders to know you're underage if you try to buy alcohol."

"Oh, okay."

"You wanna drive?" Jay asked you.

"Sure. It's no different than me having my permit, though because you'll be in the car," you pointed out.

"So, you don't want to drive."

"No, I do!"

"That's what I thought."

He handed you the keys and you unlocked his truck. You both got in and you started adjusting the seat and the rearview mirror.

"Don't forget to--"

"Adjust the side mirrors. I know, Jay, I know. We've been through this a ton. Trust me."

"You're essentially driving a missile down the road, excuse me if I get nervous."

You rolled your eyes and started to drive, but when you were supposed to turn right, he told you to go left.

"Where are we going?" you asked.

"The district," he answered.

"Why?"

"You'll see. Just drive. I'll give you directions because we both know you're bad with those."

"Shut up!"

"What? We both know it's true!"

"No comment."

When you got there, Jay told you to park in front of what he called the "roll-up". To say you were confused would be an understatement; you didn't even know what this was!

"It's where we load our weapons and drive out sometimes. It's the basement," Jay explained.

"Where the cage is?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Adam told me about it. And then when you and  Erin were on  a lunch run for everyone, he showed it to me."

"I'm gonna have to talk to him about that."

Once you finished parking, you turned off the car and handed the keys back to Jay. Then, Jay did this weird, complicated knock on the garage door of the roll-up.

"Surprise!"

You were met with Will standing there. Behind him, was a car, with a bow on top.

"Is this mine?" you asked.

"Yup," Will confirmed. "Dude," he said to Jay, "You're lucky Goodwin let me out early."

"2010 Buick," Jay said as you walked over to examine the car more. "Seized it from a mob boss two weeks ago. It was going to be impounded, but Kev's got a really good car guy, so I didn't have to pay a lot for it."

"Wait," you started, "So this is just from you, Jay?"

"My gift is in your driver's seat," Will said and then he tossed you the keys. Somehow you caught them...you weren't the best when it came to hand-eye coordination.

You unlocked it using the fob and opened the driver's side door. There, on the driver's seat, was a box. And, not just any box: an Apple box.

"Is this...?"

"Open it." Will smiled.

So you did and you squealed so loud that Jay covered his ears. "Damn, high-pitched screams...sometimes worse than the sound of gunshots."

"Sorry! I'm just so excited! I can't believe I got a car and iPhone! You guys are the best! I love you guys so much!"

"We figured it'd save me a ton of time in the morning not to have to drive you to school and, if I get called into a case early or stay at work late, then I wouldn't have to find someone to drop you off or pick you up. And, figured I could always track your phone if necessary," Jay answered.

"I knew there was a catch," you answered.

"Always is," Will joked.

"Are there traps still in the car?" you asked, causing Jay's eyes to go wide.

"How do you know about those?"

"I watch crime shows."

"No," he answered. "Made sure that was one of the very first things Kev's car guy did: remove the traps."

"Aw, man! I was gonna have fun with those!"

"And put what in them?" Will asked. "Candy? Those fancy pens you like?"

"One, there's two different kinds I like: Papermate pens and calligraphy pens. And two, a little bit of this, a little bit of that."

"Care to specific on what those might be?" Jay asked.

"Not really."

"May I remind you that I am a cop and can toss your bedroom like--" He snapped his fingers. "--that."

"Don't you need a warrant for that?"

"It's my house, so I can do what I want. And, I hope I don't need to bring charges against you for whatever you're hiding."

You burst out laughing. "You guys, I'm kidding. I just wanted to see Jay's reaction when I mentioned traps! I wouldn't do anything...especially with Jay as my brother. I'm not that stupid."

"Oh thank God," Jay sighed.

"Can we go? A little birdie let it slip that there's a surprise party for me at the apartment."

Will glared at Jay. "What?" Jay asked as he put his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I promise you I did not say a single word about it."

"Mhm." Will rolled his eyes.

"Y/N, would this little birdie be Ruzek?" Jay asked.

"No comment."

"I am never telling him anything remotely secretive again."

But now, you kinda wished you didn't have that phone. Because, all over Twitter, there were people who didn't even know your brother who was saying that he was a racist cop and a child killer.

***

You walked inside to see a very distraught Jay. he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. And, even though you could only see one side of his face from where you were standing, you could see the dried tear tracks on his cheeks.

"So, it's true?" you asked. Jay jumped and looked at you. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"H-How do you know what happened?"

You sat down next to him. "Twitter. My mentions were blowing up."

"Y/N, you gotta believe me. I wouldn't intentionally shoot a little girl--"

"Jay, I believe you."

"At least she's at Med. Will said she's got a good chance of making it."

"Oh, you didn't hear." He furrowed his eyebrows. "She passed away. I got a notification about it like an hour ago. I'm so sorry, Jay."

"Fuck," was all he said as he buried his head in his hands and began sobbing.

You wanted to comfort him, you really did, but you had no idea what to say. You knew Jay was a good cop and, whatever happened, you knew that he wouldn't purposely kill an innocent little girl. So, you just put a hand on his shoulder as he continued to sob, reminding him that you were still there.

"I'm gonna go talk to Will," he said as he stood up a few minutes later.

He walked over to the kitchen sink and splashed his face with water and dried it with some paper towels while you walked over to him.

"I'll drive you," you told him. "You're not in any shape to be driving right now. I know you'd tell me the same thing."

"No, Y/N, I can drive myself."

"This isn't up for discussion, Jay."

"Yes, it is. My picture's all over the internet. If someone decides to come after me, I don't want you near me out in public. I need you to be safe. Just stay here. Please." His voice cracked on the last word.

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"But please try your best to get home in one piece."

Jay nodded and grabbed his jacket. "I'll be back soon."

But, what he was thinking was totally different. After what I did, I don't deserve to come home in one piece.

***

Jay stormed into the ED just as Will was leaving a treatment room and Will caught sight of Jay and walked towards him.

"You said she was gonna make it!" Jay practically yelled.

"Hey," Will said, quieter, trying to use his trying-to-calm-down-a-patient-voice to hopefully make Jay calm down.

"You said she was gonna..." Jay took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"Hey, I said she had a chance, okay? She was in bad shape. Lost too much blood."

"I know."

"There's only so much we can do."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just...the bullet came from my gun. Even though I was aiming at an offender, it went through his abdomen and through a fucking door and into her, Will. Even though it was an accident, I still shot her. I killed an eight-year-old little girl. I killed her."

***

"50-21 George!" Jay yelled into his radio. "I'm taking heavy fire! I got two civilians down in the north alley behind the building."

"This is Sergeant Hank Voight. Advise responding units to shut down a two-block radius."

"Help! Help!"

Jay turned his attention to the building and when he saw it was clear, he pushed open the wooden door and entered.

He nearly choked when he saw what happened.

It was you. You were eight years old, clutching Beary in one hand while Hailey held you and tried to stop the bleeding.

"Y/N!" He had no idea why you were even here, maybe your parents couldn't afford a good, legal daycare center because of your mom's medical bills, but whatever it was, you were here, and you had somehow been shot. He kneeled down next to you and all but threw his sniper on the ground.

"Alright, I'm gonna call an ambulance," Hailey said.

"We don't have time." Somehow, he was aware of where his keys were in his tactical gear. "Go get my car. Fast."

He handed over the keys. "Ready?" Hailey asked as Jay positioned his hands above hers to try and stop the bleeding the minute she removed her hands.

Jay nodded and quickly replaced Hailey's hands with his as she sprinted off to get his truck.

But, then the scene changed.

It became hotter. Jay could feel the dry heat in his mouth and in his throat. He felt the sweat trickle down his face and back. He felt beads of sand on his hands and arms. He looked down to see you resting your head against his leg. And, he wasn't in his normal clothes that he'd wear to work. No, he was in his Rangers uniform.

He had his hands over the same spot on your chest as he had in the daycare center. And, you still had Beary in your hand, albeit a very loose grip on him.

You coughed, causing some blood to come out of your mouth.

"No, Y/N, not like this. Not like this." He removed one hand from the wound and applied all the pressure he could with one hand while he reached for his radio. "This is Halstead to Base." Crackles. "This is Halstead to Base." More crackles. "Please. This is Halstead to Base. I need a med truck now! My sister's been shot." No response. "Please. She's only-- She's only eight years old." His voice cracked. "Please."

You coughed once more and Jay knew trying to reach Base was useless at this point. Jay took his canteen and dabbed a little bit of water on your face and smeared it around, trying to clean the blood off your face. But, as fast as he could clean it, more would come up and out of your mouth.

You let out a strangled breath. Jay knew that sound. That was the sound of someone's last gasp of air that they'd ever take.

"Y/N, please. Please, Short Stack. Stay with me. Help will come. Please, just hang on a little longer."

Then, he saw the all too familiar look of empty eyes in front of him. He let out a strangled sob as he placed his fingers on your eyelids and gently pulled them closed.

Jay shot up in bed with a start. He reached for his chest, feeling for his radio to try and call for help again. It was only when his fingers brushed his bare chest that he realized that he wasn't in the desert of Afghanistan, but in the safety of his own bed, in his own apartment, here stateside, here in Chicago.

He went into the bathroom after his breathing calmed down and jumped into a freezing cold shower, hoping to get the image of an eight-year-old you being shot and killed by his gun out of his head.

But it wouldn't leave.

Jay dried off and then quietly made his way out of his room and over to yours.

He crouched down by your bed and watched as your chest rose and fell, signaling that you were in a deep sleep. You were sleeping on your side and had one leg thrown over the other and a few toes sticking out from under the covers. Beary was next to you. You weren't clutching him like in his nightmare, hell you weren't even holding him, but he was still in your bed. Jay was pretty sure that if that bear wasn't in your bed at night, you wouldn't be able to sleep, despite you being sixteen.

Jay longed to put two fingers to your neck just to check your pulse and make sure he wasn't hallucinating the rising and falling of your chest. But, he knew that was paranoid. He could trust his instincts now. After all, he was awake. There was no stifling heat, no hot sweat (at least, after his shower there wasn't), and no sand. All that was below him was the fluffy rug on your bedroom floor.

He slowly left your room and went back to his. But, instead of getting into bed, he tugged his comforter off his bed and grabbed his pillow. Then, he dragged those two things back into your room and settled down on your rug.

He knew it was probably paranoia, but after that dream, he wanted to make sure you were safe. He wanted to be close to you. Because, God, that dream felt so real.

She's alive, he kept reminding himself as he tried to fall asleep. And, that was the last thing on his mind when he finally fell asleep once more: that you were still alive.

***

Your alarm blared through your quiet room and you rolled over with a groan and turned it off.

"Christ, that was loud. How deep of a sleeper are you?" Jay asked as he rolled over.

You looked at him with sleep still in your eyes. "What are you doing in here?"

"Was a rough night." He yawned. "Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Okay...?"

"I say ten more minutes."

"Jay, I'll be late."

"I'll drive you, lights and sirens and all."

"Night."

***

"You okay?" you asked around 11:00 pm two weeks later when Jay finally got home from working a case.

"Yeah, just tired," he answered as he went to put his badge and gun away in his room.

"Are you sure it's just that?" you asked when he came out from his room in pajamas.

"I'm sure. Why are you asking?"

"You had that street fair bombing case and two weeks ago, a bullet from your gun--"

"Y/N, I'm fine. I promise. don't you have to get to bed?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday. I don't have school tomorrow."

"So it is. I'm gonna turn in. See you in the morning."

"Aren't you gonna eat something?" you asked.

"I'm not really that hungry. Goodnight."

You knew something was off, but you weren't going to push it, so you just grabbed the remote and started looking for a movie to watch.

***

You coughed, causing some blood to come out of your mouth.

"No, Y/N, not like this. Not like this." He removed one hand from the wound and applied all the pressure he could with one hand while he reached for his radio. "This is Halstead to Base." Crackles. "This is Halstead to Base." More crackles. "Please. This is Halstead to Base. I need a med truck now! My sister's been shot." No response. "Please. She's only-- She's only eight years old." His voice cracked. "Please."

You coughed once more and Jay knew trying to reach Base was useless at this point. Jay took his canteen and dabbed a little bit of water on your face and smeared it around, trying to clean the blood off your face. But, as fast as he could clean it, more would come up and out of your mouth.

You let out a strangled breath. Jay knew that sound. That was the sound of someone's last gasp of air that they'd ever take.

"Y/N, please. Please, Short Stack. Stay with me. Help will come. Please, just hang on a little longer."

Then, he saw the all too familiar look of empty eyes in front of him. He let out a strangled sob as he placed his fingers on your eyelids and gently pulled them closed.

He saw a figure moving towards him and in his hand, a grenade.

"Would you like to join her?"

Jay jolted awake, breathing raggedly. He tried to catch his breath and swallow, but it was no use, the familiar feeling of bile was rising in his throat and he dry heaved all the way to the bathroom before he finally emptied what little was in his stomach into the toilet.

Meanwhile, you furrowed your eyebrows as you slowly opened your eyes. You thought you had heard gagging, but it was gone now, so you tried to close your eyes and go back to sleep. But, then you heard gagging and the sound of something hitting what sounded like water.

Wait, was Jay sick? He never got sick.

You got out of bed and walked over to his room and quietly opened his door. From the dim light of the bathroom, and the disheveled covers on his bed, you knew he was in the bathroom.

"Jay?" you asked as you crept towards his bathroom.

"Y/N, l-leave. Please, just leave me alone ri-right now." You could tell from the sound of his voice that he was panting as if he had just run a marathon.

"Are you okay?"

No. "I'm fine. Just a stomach bug or food poisoning. Go back to bed."

You poked your head into the bathroom. Jay was leaning against the bathtub without a shirt on, with sweat dripping down his face. His mouth was wide open as if he was trying to capture as much oxygen as was humanly possible.

"Maybe I should call Will. I don't think he's on shift."

"Y/N, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You don't look fine at all."

"Y/N, go back to bed. Now."

"But--"

"I said go to bed! So how about you listen for once and just fucking do that? Jesus!"

Your breath caught in your throat. You'd never heard him yell like that...not directed at you at least.

"O-Okay."

You trudged back to your room and laid down. But, sleep didn't come for a while as tears rolled down your cheeks.

Jay put his head in his hands. He had yelled at you. Not only that, but he had sworn at you and you were just trying to help. God, he felt like a terrible brother, a terrible guardian, an overall terrible human being.

He tugged at the roots of his hair, hoping the bit of tugging from that physical pain would calm the mental and emotional pain that had been stirring inside of him for weeks. For weeks he's been like this. Ever since he had been put on his medication, he hadn't even had a nightmare and now he's had them every single day, and he's scared to sleep. What kind of police detective and ex-army ranger is afraid to sleep when they're safe in their own house? He was one of them and, God, he hated himself for it.

Not getting more than three restless hours of sleep per night was starting to have an impact on him at work. They all knew that a sleepy cop was a dead cop, but Jay was still alive. But, there were downfalls, such as getting jittery from all the caffeine he was ingesting early in the morning and then crashing and almost falling asleep doing reports when he had to work late. Well, he didn't have to work late per se, he decided to work late to put off sleeping. He knew none of this was helpful and none of this would solve the problem, but he thought it would be fine. Everything would be fine and the nightmares would eventually go away. They always do. And then everything would be normal again in his brain.

God, he longed for that: the normalcy.

So, for the umpteenth night in a row, he grabbed a pillow and a blanket and made his way to your bedroom to sleep on the floor to make sure you were alive. He put his watch on vibrate and set the alarm for 6 am because he knew you wouldn't be awake that early...especially not on the weekend.

Only when the irrational part of his brain was sure that you weren't going to die, did he finally find solace in sleep.

***

Went to get coffee with Will and to work on homework. Be home eventually, you scribbled on a sticky note and stuck it on the back of the apartment door before you left. Jay had gotten called in to work a case earlier this morning, and you needed a change of scenery to work on some AP World History homework.

You grabbed your backpack, keys, and wallet, and made your way to the parking garage. Then, you left.

About ten minutes later, you arrived at the coffee shop. Not seeing Will, you set your stuff down and went to grab a coffee and a muffin. Don't get it wrong, Jay still didn't like the fact that you drank coffee, but you only drank it when you went out to get it. It wasn't like you drank it every morning or drank two or three cups a day like he did.

You started to read your textbook and take some notes on the vocab. You were so focused that you jumped when Will slid into the chair across from you and said your name.

"Sorry," he apologized. "Lots to do?"

"Not a ton," you replied. "Just gotta read a chapter and take some notes. Then I'm done with homework for the weekend."

"So, you said you think something's up with Jay?" Will asked.

You had texted him that morning to see if you could meet up because you were worried. You had seen how tired he looked and how he poured his coffee into a larger tumbler than normal, one that was almost double the size of his normal one. Bags under his eyes and more coffee than normal had given you the impression that Jay was no longer sleeping, and rightfully so.

"I don't think he's sleeping," you told him.

"And you know this how?" Will asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because he looks like shit- sorry, he looks like crap, and he drinks a ton more coffee in the morning than he normally does."

"Maybe he just doesn't like the coffee at the district and is bringing more from home," he suggested.

"I don't think so."

"Is he still working out? Still going to the gym?"

"I think so. I'm usually still asleep when he goes, so I wouldn't know either way."

"Anything else?"

"Uh, actually, yeah." You closed your textbook. "I'm pretty sure he was sick last night."

"Sick? Like how sick?"

"He was puking. I wanted to call you but he told me no."

"How'd you find him?"

"Leaning against the bathtub, no shirt, dripping sweat, and mouth wide open."

"I see," Will said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. Last night when I mentioned calling you, he said he was fine. But, when I pushed, he told me to leave and when I told him no, he yelled and cursed at me."

"He swore at you?" Will grit his teeth.

"Yeah," you whispered. "I don't know what's going on, Will. He hasn't been himself lately."

"Hey, I'll figure it out, okay? I'll make sure he's okay. I can even come over later tonight and check him out if you want me to."

"He'll fight you on that."

"I'm used to unruly patients. Is that what you--" His phone rang and he held up a finger to you to wait for a second while he answered. "Hey, Maggie. What's up?" He paused and then sighed. "I'll be right there." He hung up the phone and started gathering his stuff.

"What? Did something happen and you have to go to work?" you asked.

"Oh, something happened all right. I just got a call saying Jay was brought into Med."

You started to pack up your backpack and grabbed your keys. "I'll follow you there."

***

Jay didn't know what happened. One second he was driving, blinking heavily, the next Hailey was yelling at him and had reached over to grab the wheel, but it was too late. He was too close. When he opened his eyes, he tried to slam on the brake, but it didn't help. The next millisecond, he and Hailey crashed into an electrical pole in Pilsen.

He was awake after that.

"What the hell happened?" Voight asked after he had thrown his car in park and he and Al rushed over to Jay and Hailey.

"I think he fell asleep at the wheel," Hailey answered as she and Jay both stepped out of the truck.

"I did not," Jay protested.

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain you just running into an electrical pole when there weren't even cars running us off the road?" Hailey yelled.

"I didn't fall asleep! I'm fully awake! Just drop it, Upton."

"Drop it? You do know if we would've hit that at full speed and it fell on us that we could've been electrocuted to death, right?"

"But that didn't happen--"

"Halstead, Upton, I'm bringing both of you to Med to get checked out. After that, you're going home to get some rest, Halstead. You look like hell," Voight told them.

"Sarge--"

"This isn't up for discussion. Get in the damn car." The two detectives walked to Voight's car, while Voight turned to Alvin. "Call Platt to get us some patrolmen to help. You good waiting here for them to pick you up while I bring them to Med?"

"Yeah, go. I'll handle this."

When Jay finally got to Med, to say he was not happy would be an understatement. He didn't need to be in the hospital and he sure as hell didn't need to be kicked off the case and told to go home to get some rest.

"Mags, what room is he in?"

Shit, they had called Will.

"Treatment Four."

Will walked into the room followed by you.

"You didn't have to come, neither of you did."

"Well, too bad," Will said. "Should've put her as your emergency contact instead of me. Oh wait, you can't, she's still too young. Guess you're stuck with me."

"All set," Hailey said as she walked in. "You ready to go?"

"Who's this?" you asked.

"My new partner," Jay told you. "Hailey, this is Y/N and Will, my siblings I told you about. Y/N and Will, my new partner, Hailey Upton."

"Nice to meet you. I've heard good things."

Will scoffed. "Would one of those good things be that Jay absolutely hates hospitals and I always have to make sure he doesn't leave against medical advice?"

"He didn't mention that, no."

"Well, either way, nice to meet Jay's new partner. Do you mind if I talk to him? Privately?"

"No problem."

Will turned to you. "You too, Y/N. Go grab some food or hang out with Hailey or something."

Will focused his attention on Jay when you and Hailey had left the treatment room. "Y/N told me she doesn't think you're sleeping and from what I heard from Maggie about why you were brought in here, don't even bother lying to me."

"I'm fine, Will, really. Nothing to worry about."

"Fine then. I'm gonna go order a blood test."

"Blood test? You're not even on shift! And, you can't even be my doctor if you were!" Jay protested.

"I read that April's your nurse, so I'm going to go find her and tell her to order a blood test then."

"Why?"

"To see if your plasma cortisol levels are elevated and if your cortisol testosterone levels have decreased," Will answer matter-of-factly.

"And you need those because...?"

"If the plasma cortisol level is elevated and the cortisol testosterone level is lowered, then those are both indicators that you haven't been sleeping. Be back, little brother."

Jay groaned and threw his head back. He didn't think he'd need to be stuck with a needle today. If only had put someone else down as his emergency contact, then this wouldn't be happening. Or, if his brother just wasn't a doctor or didn't work at this specific hospital then this wouldn't be happening, either.

***

Jay was walking you to school when you were eight years old. On your back, you had your backpack and you were holding Jay's hand and skipping to keep up with his long strides. Jay chuckled at how cute and innocent you were. He didn't want you to ever grow up.

"Jay Jay," you started, causing him to look down at you, "Did you get all the bad guys when you left?"

"Why do you ask?" He swallowed. He knew if you asked the right questions, he might not know how to answer them. And, his last tour was horrific, losing all the members of his unit except Mouse...the burning Humvee...the combatants still coming towards them...

"I don't know. I just wanted to know if there were any left?" you asked.

"There probably are."

"Do you have to go back there? Do you have to leave again to go fight the bad guys?"

Jay's breath hitched. He was honorably discharged after what had happened, so he wouldn't have to back. But, as he was thinking about how to answer you, the scene changed.

Screaming. All he could hear was screaming and the crackling of flames.

He looked around saw the scene from his last tour, his Humvee flipped over with all the members of his unit currently burning to crisp. He and Mouse had been walking behind, keeping watch of their six which is why they weren't in there.

"Help! Jay Jay, help!" He heard you scream and racked his brain from where that could be coming from because you were an ocean away, no way were you actually there.

"Dude, your sister's in there!" And Mouse took off running.

Jay quickly caught up to him. "What? She's not here! She's at home in Chicago!"

"No, she's not! You couldn't bear to leave her, so you brought her with you!"

Okay, now Jay knew he was caught in the midst of a nightmare because he would never do that. He would never bring a little girl into the midst of a war where she could get hurt or killed. Damn that melatonin he took that night because he was currently in so deep a sleep that he couldn't wake up.

"Jay Jay!"

He took off running again and came up to the edge of the Humvee. Your leg was crushed under it and it was one of the only parts of the vehicle that hadn't caught fire...yet. He needed to get you out and he needed to get you out fast or else you would be burned to death. But, to do that, he knew he'd be sacrificing your leg.

"Mouse! Get me a tourniquet and the biggest knife you have! Make sure you sterilize it!" Jay shouted. You let out a whine.

"You're doing a field amputation?" Mouse asked as he grabbed the supplies.

"I don't have any other choice." You let out a whimper. "Hey, hey, look at me. Focus on me. I'm gonna get you out of there."

"P-Promise?" you asked as tears ran down your cheeks.

"I promise. Now I need you to hold really still and be a brave girl, okay? Can you be brave for me?" You nodded as Mouse handed Jay the equipment for the tourniquet. "This is going to hurt," Jay warned you as he slid the piece of fabric underneath your leg and then started tying it.

You screamed out in agony.

"I know, I know. But, It's gotta be tight. It's gotta be tight, kiddo."

"Jay! Nine o'clock!"

Jay turned to his left and pointed his gun straight at the combatant.

"Jay...Jay..." he heard your voice wavering as you tried to get his attention. But, it didn't sound like your voice. It sounded lower, more mature even. "Jay, please." the voice that sounded like you was pleading now. "Jay Jay, please. You're- You're safe."

Jay snapped his eyes open.

There you were, at sixteen years old, holding your hands up in surrender. He was home, in Chicago.

"Jay, please," you whispered once more.

It was only when he looked down that he realized he must've thought you were the combatant in his dream because he had his service weapon pointed straight at you.

He dropped his gun onto his bed. "Y/N, I- you gotta believe me. That wasn't--"

But you were already running out of his room to grab your keys and get as far away from Jay as possible.

***

Will was awoken to a loud knocking on his door at 2:37 in the morning. "Who the fuck is here right now?" he muttered as he rubbed his eyes and stood up and threw on a shirt.

But, all his anger at being woken up at this ungodly hour washed away as he looked through the peep-hole and saw you, tears still streaming down your face.

He yanked the door open. "Y/N, what are you doing here?"

"He pointed a gun at me!" you wailed as you entered.

Will shut the door and made his way over to you. "Who? Did you tell Jay? Where were you?"

"Jay was the one who did it, Will! He pointed the- the gun right at me!"

Will's breath caught in his throat. He had his hunches that Jay was having nightmares again based on what you had told him and based on him falling asleep while driving and based on his blood work, but he didn't think they'd have gotten this bad. "Are you okay? he asked you quietly.

You shook your head and Will led you over to the couch.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You sighed. "I heard him scream, so I woke up to see what was wrong. When I walked- When I walked into his room he was squeezing his pillow with his hand like he was holding something. He was dripping sweat."

You paused and took a deep breath.

"It's okay," Will told you. Take your time."

"Then, he just, he just whipped around and grabbed his gun from- from on top of his nightstand. I don't why it wasn't in the safe where it usually is. And that's when he..."

"That's when he pointed it at you?"

You nodded as tears rolled down your cheeks. "I said his name over and over and he finally snapped out of it."

"And that's when you came here?"

You nodded again.

"Well, how about we put on a movie, and then you can try to get some sleep. I'll stop over at Jay's tomorrow when you're at school. I'm pretty sure you have some clothes here just in case."

"Thanks, Will."

"No problem, Short Stack."

***

Jay heard a knock on his door the next day. Will had texted him and told him that you were safe and at his place because Jay had been blowing up Will's phone looking for you. So, at least he wasn't worried about that anymore.

Jay sipped his beer and waited for the knocking to stop, but it just became increasingly louder.

"Jay, open the damn door!"

Reluctantly, with beer still in hand, Jay stood up and opened his apartment door. "What the hell are you doing here?" Jay asked.

"Gimme that," Will said as he ripped the beer bottle from Jay's hand after he'd entered his apartment. "And, for your information, I'm making sure you're not drinking yourself to death." He looked around at the two other empty beer bottles on the counter. It wasn't even one o'clock in the afternoon yet. "Which, I guess I came just in time."

"Just let me drink it." Jay tried to take the bottle back, but Will held it out of his reach. Then, he made his way over to the kitchen sink and poured it out.

"Shit, man. I paid for that."

"I don't really give a damn right now, Jay. You pointed a fucking gun at our little sister. She came to my place bawling last night. You're lucky she didn't get into a car accident because of how distraught she was when she was driving."

"I know, I know. I fucked up, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, you fucked up all right. This is probably the single-handed worse thing you've done in your entire life."

"Did you just come here to lecture me?" Jay yelled. "If so, the door's that way and you can get the hell out!"

Will sighed. "I didn't come here just to do that, but I needed to get that out first. You need to talk to someone about this, Jay."

"I'm talking to you. Isn't that enough?"

"A trained professional."

"You are a trained professional."

"I'm a trained medical professional, not a trained psychological professional."

Jay sat on the couch and put his head in his hands. That scene from last night had been replaying in his head for almost twelve hours now.

Him hearing your voice...seeing you with your hands raised while they were shaking...how much of whisper your voice was...the feeling of guilt that swallowed him whole when he noticed he was holding his service weapon...you sprinting out of the house in the middle of the night...

"Jay," Will said, snapping him out of his thoughts. "You still with me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. Sorry." He paused. "Last night, I guess I was so out of it that I forgot to lock up my gun and left it on my bedside table. If I had just locked it up, this wouldn't have happened. If I just wouldn't have taken the melatonin, this wouldn't have happened. If I was just able to fucking sleep this wouldn't have happened."

"How long haven't you been sleeping?" Will asked gently.

"The nightmares started when I shot that little girl, Will."

"Jay, it's been weeks since that happened."

"I know. And they just keep getting worse. At first, it was Y/N who was the little girl I shot when I was chasing the offenders when the bullet went through the illegal daycare center. And then, they started turning into me being overseas and Y/N somehow being with me and her being shot over there. Last night- last night was the worst."

"You don't have to tell me what happened if you don't want to."

"Thank you," Jay replied. Because in all honestly, that was one of the worst nightmares he's ever had since getting on his medication.

"Is that why you're sleeping on Y/N's bedroom floor?"

"How'd you know? I didn't even think she knew."

"She knows. She said she'll wake up in the middle of the night and you'll be there, on her floor, with a pillow and a blanket, and you'll sneak out before she wakes up."

"I just, I needed to make sure she was safe. I needed to make sure she was still alive, Will."

"I really think you need to talk to someone. Maybe ask about getting your meds increased."

"I've been on the same dose for over two years now. You really think they'd need to be upped?"

"It's a possibility. But, we need to talk about Y/N now."

Jay sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, we do. I have no idea what to do, Will. I'm supposed to be her legal guardian and I couldn't even keep her safe. I was the one who made her feel not safe."

"I know it's gonna be hard for you to hear this," Will started, "but, she doesn't want to come back here for a little while."

"Yeah, I figured that when she didn't answer my texts."

"Listen, she and I talked this morning, and if you go see someone today or tomorrow and see someone about getting your meds upped, she'd stay with me for two weeks so the meds have time to get into your system, and then we'll go from there."

"So, all I have to do is get my meds upped?"

"Well, that might be the best option. But, I still think you should talk to someone, Jay. Either a therapist or a psychiatrist or even a veteran's support group might be helpful."

"Okay. But, can you just tell her that I'm so sorry? And that, I wasn't in my right mind? I didn't know it was her, I swear."

"I know you didn't. Now, no more drinking, you have appointments to schedule." Will paused. "Have you talked to Voight? Maybe you shouldn't be working while you're trying to figure this out."

"I do not need to take time off."

"Yes, you do. Do you want our little sister to hate you or not?"

"Fine. I'll take two weeks furlough."

"That's all I ask. Please do not get shitfaced because I will babysit you if I have to."

"Then who's gonna stay with Y/N?"

"I'll figure something out."

***

"You're sure I'm good to go back?" you asked Will as you walked into yours and Jay's apartment building.

"Y/N, he hasn't had a nightmare in a week and a half. Everything's gonna be fine," Will answered.

"I know. I know I shouldn't be scared of my own brother, but, uh, what happened that night, it was..."

"Terrifying?" Will finished for you.

"Yeah, that."

"Well, I'll be there the entire weekend in case anything happens."

"Thanks, Will."

***

Later that night, you laid in bed, trying to fall asleep. But, you couldn't. You just couldn't shake the feeling of walking into Jay's room to try and wake him from a nightmare and having a gun pointed right at you. You couldn't shake the feeling that maybe tonight was the night that Jay would have a nightmare and end up sleepwalking into your bedroom with his gun drawn.

So, you were sitting up in bed, at 3:30 am, having just finished your last movie an hour and a half ago with your lamp on and the current book you were reading open.

You heard the sound of your door opening and looked up.

You held your breath.

Jay was in your room.

"Y/N, what are you still doing awake?" he asked, slowly moving closer to you so he didn't scare you.

You sighed in relief. He was conscious. He was awake.

"I can't sleep," you answered honestly.

"Is it because of me? That you can't sleep?" You looked down and that was all the confirmation Jay needed. "Look, I'm sorry. I know I've said it a lot these past few weeks, but I'm truly sorry. You have to understand that it wasn't me."

"I know. I just, you scared you me, Jay. I was scared I was going to die that night."

"Y/N, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened."

"And you haven't had any nightmares?"

"None in over ten days," he answered.

"Then why are you in my room? I know you come in here sometimes after you have nightmares."

"I came to make sure you were sleeping. Will mentioned you were nervous and I know you don't like to sleep when you're nervous."

"Oh." You paused. "Can you tell me what you were dreaming about? When you pointed the gun at me?"

"Y/N, I'd really prefer not to. I don't want to go back there."

"I get it," you said. "It's traumatic. Like how even though Dad isn't drinking anymore, I don't want to go back and live with him."

"Exactly."

You moved over. "You can come sit if you want." Jay sat down on the bed next to you and handed you Beary so that he didn't squash him. You closed your book. "Can you tell me a story?"

"Like a fairytale like when you were little and Mom would make me read those princess books to you?" Jay chuckled.

"No, maybe a you and Will story or a me and you story from I was little and don't remember much?"

Jay thought for a second until he found the perfect one filed away in his brain under Y/N stories. "Do you remember that time when you brought your first aid kit on your bike because you had just made it in girl scouts?"

"A little, but not really."

"Okay, I'll tell you that one then."

"Jay Jay!" little seven-year-old you exclaimed as you run up to Jay. "Ride bikes with me?"

"I think my bike has a flat tire, but I can get my skateboard. Is that okay with you?" Jay asked.

"Yeah! But Mommy said you gotta wear a helmet because she said we gotta protect our heads," you told him while putting your hands on your hips.

"That's right! How could I forget that? I'll be right back and then we can go, okay?"

"Okay!"

While Jay ran off to find his bike, you ran off to get your first aid kit that you had just made in girl scouts and Beary to put in the little basket on the front of your purple princess bike.

You waited for him and when he reappeared with his skateboard and helmet, he asked what you had.

"Beary and this I made in girl scouts yesterday," you told him. "It has bandaids and this white tape and white soft stuff and wipies."

You handed it to him to take a look. Inside, there were different sizes of bandaids, medical tape, gauze, and antiseptic wipes. "This is such a good first aid kit, kiddo!"

"Thank you!"

You got your bike out of the garage and clipped on your helmet. Jay pressed down on the horn attached to your handlebars before stepping onto his skateboard.

You two rode down the street and then Jay got to a ramp that some kids had made. There was one ramp, a gap, and then another ramp.

"Jay Jay!" you exclaimed. "Can you go on that?"

Jay had gone on homemade skateboard ramps like those hundreds of times. Hell, he'd even made one home and he and Will would do kickflips in the air when going on it when your guys' mom was home. She'd have a heart attack if she saw her sons doing that.

"I can even do a trick while I'm in the air," Jay told you.

"Really?" you asked, your eyes going wide.

"Really. Wanna see?"

"Yes please!"

Jay started a few yards back from the first ramp and started propelling himself forward, gaining speed. Then, your jaw dropped as he skated onto the first ramp and into the air.

"Whoa," you whispered to yourself as he did his kickflip in midair between the two ramps.

But, Jay had overestimated the distance between the two ramps, so when he landed, he landed on the road and not the ramp with way too much force, causing him to fall off his skateboard and land on the ground, scraping his hands across the road.

"Jay Jay!" you yelled as you quickly kicked down your kickstand and grabbed your first aid kit. "Are you okay?" you asked.

Jay stood up and grabbed his skateboard. "I'm fine. Just a little blood, nothing to worry about."

"You're bleeding? Where? I can fix it."

He held up his right hand where his palm was a little bloody. You started to open your first aid kit and Jay knew there was no point in arguing with you, so he just crouched down to your height.

You grabbed a bandaid and started to open it. "You gotta clean it out first, nurse," Jay told you.

"Oh. With the wipey-thingies?"

"Yes, with those."

You opened one of the antiseptic wipes--with Jay's help because those were really hard to open!--and wiped down his palm. Then, you put the bandaid on.

"All better!" you exclaimed as you put the trash back into your first aid kit. "Can we keep going?" you asked.

"We sure can!"

You ran back to your bike and put the first aid kit into the basket next to Beary and then you got on your bike and caught up to Jay. And then, you were off around the block again.

"We really thought you were going to be a doctor or a nurse after that," Jay said. "But, then you realized you hated both math and science." He looked down at you. "Oh, you're asleep."

He set your book on your nightstand and turned off the lamp. Then, he slowly crept out of your room and closed the door, and went back to his room to fall into a nightmare-less sleep.

Despite Will sleeping on the couch, things were back to normal in yours and Jay's apartment and neither of you could've been happier.

A/N: Hey guys, I wanted to get this posted before I'm away for the weekend and probably without internet. As always, thank you for reading, and please reblog/like and comment! I love hearing what you guys think, as it gives me tons of motivation to keep writing! If you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e @i-like-sparkly-things 

#jay halstead #will halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead fanfic #jay halstead fanfiction #will halstead imagine #will halstead fanfiction #will halstead fanfic #chicago pd #chicago med #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfic #chicago pd fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #fanfic #halstead brothers #halstead bros #halstead sister #halstead sister imagine #writing #my writing #writer

[levyphantomsposts]

Can we talk about c!Quackity right now? Because I feel like in every fanfiction and nearly every character sees Quackity as a minor antagonist (understandably, he's done some fucked up shit), but can we talk about what he's went through.

First off, he got into a relationship with Schlatt, who he genuinely loved, not only for Schlatt to say he never loved him, but to also abuse him. Even in Schlatt's final moments, Quackity was obviously upset and Schlatt was still a dick to him. His love extended to crying at his grave, eating his heart (symbolic much) and virtually going insane on the need to be with him.

Next, Quackity turned to Pogtopia, realising his wrongs and wanting to write them well, realising although he loved Schlatt, he was hurting him. He became allied to Wilbur, Techno and Tommy, people in his mind who saved him from abuse. So imagine his shock, when he had to convince Wilbur to not press a button that will destroy the one place where he felt could protect him and his friends. Imagine how he felt realising before anyone else that Wilbur was going to blow up L'Manberg and not being taken seriously (again, symbolic to his and Schlatt's relationship). Even imagine how he felt being killed by Techno who in his mind, was someone who was going to take away his home (I know most of you are Techno fans, but if someone helped blow up your country and said they retired, would you believe them?).

Also, did we ignore the fact that Quackity in the end, through all his fighting since Pogtopia days, had to watch the one thing that brought meaning in his life, L'Manberg blow up. He was killed by Techno, he watched Wilbur died and he tried and failed to save Tommy from exile. Quackity has nothing. At this point, Quackity is going insane, because no one listens to him at all, he has nothing, he's alone with no one there. And then in comes Karl and Sapnap who will bring me to my final point.

It's already confirmed that Karl is losing his memories from time travel so eventually, there is a chance he'll forget Sapnap and Quackity. And can you imagine through all that loss, Quackity is going to lose another person. There is no doubt in my mind that his character is just as traumatised as Tommy or Wilbur or Tubbo.

And to think as well, Quackity built a new place, Mexican L'Manberg to replicate the place he once knew would protect people from harm, to protect the people he cared about, only to have it destroyed just like everything else in his life was.

I know people love to write Quackity as the villain, but he's lost everything. He doesnt get to rest like Wilbur or forget everything like Ghostbur, he doesnt get to live our in a cabin to hide from the guilt of killing his son, he doesn't have someone like Tommy and Tubbo have eachother or how Techno and Ranboo has eachother. He's so alone and no one noticed and no one knows of the abuse besides Tommy who seems to be the only person to at least gave some form of knowledge about the tragic character that is Quackity. He's not just comic relief or a side story, he's arguably one of the most tragic characters of the Dream Smp. Hell, Quackity doesnt even choose sides like Ranboo said, he just wants to protect the little people he has left because he's lost everything over and over again. Quackity didnt even want the presidency, he just wanted to make sure Wilbur and Tommy were fairly elected because he didn't want to see a country destroyed that was a safe space for his friends and in the end he did, which he paid with his life.

Also, not to mention, besides Techno, Ghostbur, Hbomb and Ranboo, Quackity was one of the few that visited Tommy in exile, the only one who actually tried to fight Dream on the issue. Maybe, in his mind, killing Techno meant he could kill Dream and maybe save Tommy, one of the few people he had left.

He's done everything in his power to protect, protect, protect, and not once has someone tried to protect him. He's a broken shell of what was a man who loved too much and payed dearly for it (*cough Wilbur *cough)

Although I agree, Tommy is easily the most traumatised, Quackity is definetly right behind him. I really hope this opens your eyes to what type of person his character is.

#dreamsmp #dreamwastaken #sapnap #karl jacobs #quackity #minecraft rp #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #technoblade #tubbo #mcyt #ghostbur

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (23/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 3,018

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, funeral

masterlist

a/n: this little chapter drop!!!

The funeral was three days later.

You’d taken it upon yourself to stay in the Stark cabin, licking your wounds and mourning the loss of the man you’d spent almost a decade of your life with. You’d mourned losing him before, but this was different.

This was permanent.

There’d be no more chances to go see him in Buffalo. There’d be no more watching him paint in his home studio, seeing the life he built for himself.

You hadn’t seen Bucky since you left the hospital.

You had walked out of Steve’s room, tears rolling down your cheeks. It felt like a death march as you had to face his family, had to face Peggy, the daughter that was named after you. “He’s gone,” you’d said, hands trembling. “I…”

“Oh, honey,” Peggy had whispered, moving to hug you as her own pain welled up in her eyes.

“I have to go,” you had insisted as you quickly slipped out of her grasp, speeding down the hall. You’d left the members of your little family in the waiting room, knowing that they’d gotten to talk to him before he’d passed but still feeling so guilty because you were the last one he’d seen. The last one he’d talked to.

You hadn’t even stopped when Bucky and Wanda had called out your name. You had the car keys in your hand, since he’d given them to you at some point in the blur of the day.

You’d left him there.

The pain was unbearable.

You’d spent the past three days at the bottom of a bottle, blasting all the playlists that Tony had saved. At some point, it had switched to a playlist full of old jazz music from the forties.

You’d thrown the bottle against the wall and watched it shatter.

Sweeping it up while absolutely plastered had been… an adventure. You had the bandages on your feet to prove it.

But you’d gotten it all swept up and into the trash before moving onto the next bottle.

You’d turned off your phone after the fourth phone call and the eighteenth text.

But Bucky didn’t show up. He didn’t come banging on your door like you hoped he would, swooping in and kissing you like the prince in a fairytale.

It was monumentally disappointing.

When you arrived at the funeral, you’d thrown the car into park and then sat in the lot outside for at least forty-five minutes. You’d shown up early entirely because you knew that you’d need time to gather the courage to go inside.

You’d had to order a black dress and heels with express shipping, since you hadn’t exactly thought to pack them when you and Bucky had gone on your little vacation and you didn’t really feel like going out to go shopping.

Your mistake.

It had taken a lot of effort to actually shower and do your hair and makeup. Your ankles felt like they’d give out any moment as you slammed the car door shut and headed inside.

“Hello.”

You almost tripped over your own feet as you heard a feminine voice call out to you. “H-Hi,” you said as you finally came face to face with the woman who had your name. “I’m—”

“I know,” she said, before getting a weak laugh. “Me, too. I’ve heard so much about you. My dad… uh… He really, really loved you.”

“Thank you,” you said, voice a little stiff. You hadn’t done much talking the past few days, unless screaming out lyrics counted.

Yeah, it counted.

Sorta.

“Um… H-How is Peggy—I mean, your mom—doing?”

“She’s handling it about as can be expected,” she said with a smile as she glanced to where the Brit in question was. It was strange, seeing the woman that was named after you. She was older than you by a few years, and had a few gray hairs. But she looked so much like the perfect mix of Steve and Peggy… “But dad was getting up there… more so than any other man. They both knew it was coming. I just don’t know if mom will be able to hold on without him much longer.”

Great. Because that’s exactly what you wanted to hear.

“Here, let me introduce my siblings!” She said, calling them over before you could say no.

By the time the actual service started, you’d met far more Rogerses than you had ever wanted to.

It was exhausting. They were all so… kind. Despite everything, despite the fact that you were literally their father’s ex girlfriend, despite the fact that you were the last person their father spoke to before he died, and not his wife.

“My husband, Steve, has always been what his best friend called him. A punk,” Peggy said as she stood up before everyone, letting out a weak laugh as she glanced back at the open casket. “But he was so many things. Brave. Outspoken. Generous. Stubborn…”

Your eyes stayed on her, even though you stopped hearing what she was saying. You didn’t have the energy to listen to a eulogy.

That is, until she said your name.

“Huh?” You said, suddenly on high alert. Some part of you was aware that your team was sitting in the front row, including Bucky. You’d been too busy speaking with Steve’s children to talk to them, not that you minded that. You weren’t sure if you were ready to face them.

“Would you please come up and say a few words?” Peggy asked gently, getting down and holding out her hand to you.

“I…” Fuck. You couldn’t say no. It was a god damn funeral. “Okay,” you said after a long moment, placing your hand in Peggy’s and letting her lead you up to the podium. The sea of people staring at you made your blood run cold, your hands trembling as you gripped the wood. “Um… H-Hi…” You introduced yourself, you voice cracking. “I’ve known Steve… since I was eighteen years old. And we were together for almost a decade.” You snorted, shaking your head as you glanced back at the casket, your heart stopping for a moment when your eyes rested on his face. “I know… most of you are probably wondering why the hell I’m up here. Why the hell anyone would want their husband’s ex girlfriend speaking at their funeral, but uh… Steve helped make me the person I am today.” Your heart was hammering inside of your chest, threatening to break your ribs. “He taught me when to push myself, how to trust my instincts.” Also all things that Bucky taught you. You could feel his seafoam blue gaze on you, pinning you in place. “I know it’s cheesy… But he taught me what it means to do the right thing, even when it means standing up to someone you love and telling them so. He taught me how to keep going even when my world was crumbling.” Your heart was shattering as your eyes met Bucky’s. “He taught me to chase after what I want the most in the world, and to accept nothing but the best.” Tears were starting to roll down your cheeks. “Steve was a bright light in the world, even when he was in his darkest moments.” You gave a watery smile, your hands clammy. “Steve was not the shield, and those of us who knew him personally know that. The shield was Steve. He made it into the symbol that it is. A symbol of what every person can be, what they should be. What we should all aspire to be.” Your throat was starting to close up. “But he was showing us that even before the serum, wasn’t he? Because it doesn’t matter how small you are, or where you come from. You can make the choice everyday to make the world a little better.” Sniffling, you swallowed around the lump in his throat. “And I know I’m rambling, but I really didn’t expect to be speaking here today, so please forgive me, but I just… I never thought he’d die like this. There were hundreds of missions where I thought… this is it. This is where I lose him. I always knew he’d fight until he couldn’t anymore. The fact that he got the honor of passing like he did… what feels like a million years old and surrounded by his loved ones in a hospital… just like any other man… I can’t think of a better happy ending for him.” You took a deep breath. “But there’s someone who should be up here more than me. Someone who knew him from the beginning. From playground to battlefield and beyond, right?”

Bucky’s entire body was trembling as he slowly got to his feet and walked up to the podium. But before you could leave, his hand slipped into yours and squeezed, a silent question being asked.

Stay?

And how could he ever think you’d leave him?

You squeezed his hand back, staying by his side as he slowly started to speak. He spoke about the first time they met, all the fights he broke up.

Until the end of the line.

You guessed it really was the end. The grand finale of a life that wasn’t always easy, but was always worth it.

Watching Steve’s casket being lowered into the ground felt like a hallucination. How could it possibly be real?

The feeling that you’d gotten in the hospital was washing back over you like a tsunami. The overwhelming feeling of despair, of disbelief.

Of anger.

You wanted more time. There wasn’t ever enough time and now he was gone.

You slipped away after the funeral ended, getting into your car and just… driving. You knew you’d eventually make it back to the cabin, but you needed to roll the windows down and just feel the icy cold wind in your hair, on your skin.

Making you feel alive.

When you got back to the cabin, the sun had set, stars twinkling overhead in a brilliance you’d never see in the city.

You held your heels in your hand as you stumbled into the house, tossing them to the side as you headed for the kitchen. “FRIDAY, put on some music,” you said quietly.

“What playlist would you like?”

“Read the room, Fri,” you said simply, sighing as you grabbed a bottle of wine from the kitchen. She started to play music throughout the house, and you bit your lip as she started to play a blend of your favorites. Mostly Black Pumas and The Teskey Brothers. “Fri, can you turn on the fireplace?”

Warm light filled the living room and kitchen, flickering softly.

You didn’t bother changing as you collapsed onto the fur rug with just your wine and your bottle opener. “Dumb… cork…,” you huffed as you worked to get it open.

You were about halfway through the bottle when you heard a car pull up, followed by the slam of the door. Your mind was fuzzy as you watched the front door open and Bucky walk in. “Hi.”

He stopped in the entryway, still wearing the all black suit he’d donned at the funeral. “Hey,” he breathed out. He couldn’t help but snort as he saw the bottle of wine in your hands. “Yeah… It has been that kind of day, huh?”

When you held it out to him, you couldn’t tear your eyes away as you watched his pink lips wrap around the bottle and he took a swig.

Fuck, you had it so bad.

“How are you feeling?” You asked as you watched him stand by the end of the sofa. “It’s been… a rough day.”

“I’ve been better,” he said simply as he took another drink. “But I know I’ll feel better once you and I are speaking again.”

Your heart squeezed inside your chest as your eyes met, your cheeks flushing. “Right… I… I think we were both… frazzled… But I’m so sorry.”

Pain and Misery by The Teskey Brothers started to play over the stereo, filling the house with soothing R&B. It was one of your favorite songs in the whole entire world.

“I've been in love, honey, you know it's true… Was since that day I first laid my eyes on you…”

“Malen’kaya,” he said as he set the bottle on the coffee table, holding out his hand to you. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Could you forgive me for how I acted?”

“Love is a crazy game, baby… It's how I feel… It makes you oh, so high, but it takes so long to heal…”

You nodded after a long moment, slipping your hand into his and squeezing as he tugged you to your feet. “I can. I do,” you said, the wine making your head fill with bubbles.

“So, please, yeah, yeah… Won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone, it's all pain and misery. Honey, please, yeah, yeah… Won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's pain and misery…”

Something inside of you clicked back into place as he pulled you close to his chest, the two of you immediately starting to sway. Falling back into step with him was as easy as breathing, you were finding.

Perhaps even easier.

“Sometimes I curse that day of when you came along… I was happy but it's been pain now for so very long… Oh, I'm begging you, honey… Please, won't you stay? 'Cause I been so lonely since you gone away…”

“I don’t like not talking to you,” he said quietly, his lips pressing to your forehead. “Feels so wrong… Like I can’t breathe.”

Funny how you’d just had almost the same thought.

“Everyday is pain… In the end, it's hard to see… Every fateful day is oh, so sad, now that I've lost the best friend that I ever had…”

He was so warm, so comforting. Like a teddy bear.

“I don’t like not talking to you either,” you admitted as you nuzzled closer to him, breathing in the musky scent of his cologne. It was intoxicating. “Can we please never do it again?”

“Honey, please, won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's all pain and misery…”

He grinned against your forehead, his hand moving from your hip as he slid his arm around your waist to pull you even closer. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Honey, please, whoa please, won't you stay with me? 'Cause since you gone it's pain and misery…”

“Jamie…,” you whispered, your voice cracking as you tried to gather the words you wanted to say.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” He asked, resting his head against yours.

“Hey, I'm begging you, honey… Whoa… I want you to love me… Yeah, I want you to love me… I need you so bad…”

“What does this mean?” You asked as the song ended and it shifted to another. “For us, I mean?” You were starting to panic, anxiety welling up in your chest and causing you to word vomit. “Because I can’t do this back and forth, I can’t. I won’t. I won’t survive it. I can’t keep pretending like we’re just friends and that the way you make me feel doesn’t make me… doesn’t make me…”

“Doesn’t make you what?” He asked quietly, not letting you move away from his secure embrace. “Please… Because I can’t keep acting as though you’re not my everything.” He held the back of your head, his fingers gently massaging your scalp. “Please… Please, tell me you love me. Because I…” He rested his forehead against yours, a tear rolling down his cheek. “The love I have for you has rewritten every piece of DNA in my body,” he said. “It’s in my blood, my bones… You are written in my heart, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. And…” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “And if you don’t love me the way I love you, that’s just fine. As long as I have you in my life… I’ll be whatever you need.”

“Jamie…,” you said with a weak laugh. You were openly crying, though you weren’t sure when you had started. “Oh, Jamie… Do you really think I could ever not love you?” Your nose nudged against his as you wrapped both of your arms around his neck. “If you don’t kiss me, we’re gonna have a fight.”

The smile that split open his face was blinding. The kiss he planted upon your lips was absolutely filthy. A mess of teeth and tongue and grins and giggles, a tangle of feelings pent up for so long that you were sure you’d never get them all out. You’d spend the rest of your life unraveling all the ways he made you feel, and you’d do it with a smile.

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said as you pressed yourself against him. “I never wanna be without you ever again.”

“You never have to,” he breathed out as he nipped at your lower lip. Without further ado, he reached down and slipped his arm under your thighs. You let out a squeak as he scooped you up, carrying you bridal style up the stairs. “I’m gonna love you so good,” he said with a growl.

You almost hit your head on the door frame as he carried you into the guest bedroom you two were occupying, squealing as he tossed you onto the bed. “Jamie!”

“Yes, malen’kaya?” He asked as he shoved off his suit jacket, toeing off his dress shoes at the same time.

“Nothing,” you said, giggling as you started to strip down, too. “Nothing at all.”

When you two finally finished hours later, the wine had worn off, and he was asleep. You’d curled up on top of his chest, his cool vibranium hand resting on the small of your back, helping you cool off.

“Jamie?” You murmured, testing if he was asleep. When he grunted, you smiled, intertwining your fingers with his flesh hand. “I love you…”

“I love you more, baby.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n

[crystalirises]

This Poor Fox

Fundy was many things.

A soldier. A friend. A follower. A lover. A son.

--------------------

A soldier

Fundy was but a young kit when the war began, his crayon-colored suit heavy upon his shoulders as he listened fervently to the promises of freedom and independence his father continuously spoke of. He looked up to his father then, hoping for the day that he could prove himself.

Then the inevitable end came.

“It was never meant to be.”

His friend… Eret traitortraitortraitor

His home, torn to pieces by The Tyrant.

His uncle younger than he and yet he already knew of war dueled and lost.

But for the price of his uncle’s discs, they gained their independence.

He stood beside his father, the dawn of a new day rose upon their great yet broken nation. He cheers, tears of joy cascading past his cheeks. They were finally free.

Yet he does not miss the look on his uncle’s face, his nearly empty gaze as he handed his precious discs over to The Tyrant. He watches his uncle – Tommy – celebrate and sees the pain of loss in his eyes. They had all lost something of value to this war.

And as Fundy looks over their country from the top of the caravan.

He wonders if it was worth it.

--------------------

A friend

The lull that came after the war was bliss.

He forgave Eret. It took a while, but he did. Their little prank war a symbol of their friendship, as strange and chaotic as it may have been.

They didn’t talk about the war. Fundy didn’t want to talk about the war. Eret would remain his friend. Eret was the only friend he’d ever had in the war. He remembered their jokes, their schemes, the houses they built together…

And even if Fundy’s nights were plagued by those haunting white eyes, he would rather have his friend than nothing at all.

Then Niki came and the war felt as though it happened in another lifetime.

They had started a bakery together, the sweet smell of freshly baked bread wafting through the streets of L’manburg. Their hands may have been caked with flour, but it didn’t matter. For once, Fundy finally felt at peace.

Then…

Fungi didn’t deserve to die. Not to The Arsonist, and certainly not to anyone else. Fundy’s anger was uncontested then, provoked to the point that he had challenged The Arsonist to a duel.

He knew he would lose, but he had to try. For Niki. For Fungi.

--------------------

A follower

Schlatt was not an easy man to follow.

Fundy couldn’t pin heads or tails with him. Some days he would stagger around L’manburg Manburg, drunk out of his mind as he muttered an incomprehensible jumble of words. And some days… it felt as if he couldn’t do or say anything without Schlatt knowing.

Fundy didn’t know why he had stayed, why he didn’t run the moment his father was exiled. But a seed of a plan had begun to form in his head as he watched his father escape. He would be a spy. A spy for his country, a spy for his father.

And he needed to gain Schlatt’s trust… through any means necessary.

The days ticked by. The walls were gone. The flag was burnt. He did that, didn’t he?

But… there were some days… where… Schlatt made sense.

Well… Schlatt was elected president… and… the people wanted him, didn’t they?

They elected him for president, what did they expect?

And Schlatt… Schlatt listened to him. He gave Fundy a position, a role to play. He wasn’t just Wilbur Soot’s son anymore. He was someone.

So Fundy follows, he follows and smiles.

He forgets what he stayed for.

--------------------

A lover

The Tyrant— Dream.

Who would have thought he would have ever fallen for his father’s greatest enemy?

It began as a joke. A teasing suggestion to watch Treasure Planet with him.

Then Dream had said yes and Fundy almost couldn’t believe it.

Fundy had taken them to a restaurant, far away from Manburg and the SMP. It was just the two of them. Two people on a date. Definitely, normal.

Fundy had been nervous. This was, after all, the man who had torn his country apart. But the night had been… well, great.

They talked for hours. Fundy’s fear dissipated as the night grew longer. As the minutes blew by, Fundy had a hard time imagining that this was the very same man he had once called a tyrant.

That one date evolved into two… then three… then four… then…

His hands were shaking, the air tense as Fundy kneeled on one knee, a diamond ring in his hand as he looked up at his beloved.

“Dream, would you marry me?”

Dream was silent, then…

“No way…”

He felt his heart shatter into two.

“Yes. Yes, I will marry you Fundy.”

He had never felt so alive. He was engaged!

--------------------

A son

The festival came and went. Tubbo left. Niki left. Quackity left.

He was alone. With Schlatt. The man who he thought he could follow. The man he had begun to see as a father figure. The man who had publicly tried to execute a child. The man who had imprisoned his friend. The man who had driven his own vice president away.

How could he have been so blind?

He leaves. The book in his hand felt heavy as he made his way through Pogtopia, to his father… to his family.

He sees the manic look in his father’s eyes and wonders if he had been too late.

“My traitor son!”

“I despise you, Fundy.”

The words sting. His own diary – he had worked so hard on that! – discarded as soon as his father was done reading it.

They don’t want him, and he feels his heart begin to ache.

So he burns.

He burns and burns and burns, until the forest he had stumbled into is nothing but ash.

“You know who would be proud of me? Mr. Soot.”

And he lies. He lies and lies and lies. Because his father hates him…

And maybe Fundy hates him too.

--------------------

Fundy is...

He doesn’t know what he is anymore.

His fiancé betrayed them.

His home was gone.

His father was dead.

Tubbo was president.

And… he had nothing.

Nothing to his name. Not even a single shred of family left.

Tommy probably hates him.

Phil didn’t want a fucking furry for a grandson.

And Techno—

“You’re an orphan now, Fundy!”

You know what Techno does to orphans, don’t you?

He shudders, hugging his knees closer to his chest as he watches the sun rise over the rubble that he used to call home.

He watches as Tubbo and Tommy run around the ruins, doing everything they could to piece back what they had lost.

Oh… what they had lost.

Fundy sighs, the thought of running away surfacing to the front of his mind.

Before the war… he had joked to himself that he would make a cabin away far, far away. Where no one could ever reach him again.

He stands. His mind made up.

There was nothing here for him. Tubbo and Tommy had each other. They would be fine.

And as he walks away, he swears he could hear the haunting tune of a guitar waving its goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello! This is my first try at writing something so pls don’t kill me hahah. Anyway, this is just a small writing idea I wanted to entertain. So, yeah. :)

#fundy #itsfundy #fundywastaken #fundy angst go brrrrrr #pain and suffering is my bread and butter

[yesttoheaven]

AMOR FATI

pairing – neil x female!reader

wc – 3.8k

warnings – mention of death, self-blame, anxious/intrusive thoughts, questioning reality, refusal of help, guns, stalking, but I swear there's a light at the end of the tunnel haha

a/n – The last time I suffered so hard for the death of a character, was when Newt died (Maze Runner) and now Neil has captured all my attention and his death has hit me in the same way 😩 I needed a happy ending so I decided to write this!

The Eternal Return and Amor Fati mentioned in this fic are one of the main ideas of Nietzsche's philosophy.

English is not my first language. I am getting help from google translator and he is not always a good ally, so I apologize for any typos or grammar errors.

Y/N – your name

She approached the painting hanging on the wall, watching the details closely. Ouroboros. A serpent eating its own tail. Months ago, when Y/N was visiting an antique store in Mumbai, she saw that same symbol. The owner of the establishment approached when she realized her interest in the piece and explained that Ouroboros represents the ideas of movement, continuity and, in consequence, Eternal Return. A concept that the universe and all existence and energy has been recurring, and will continue to recur, in a self-similar form an infinite number of times across infinite time or space.

"Max finally fell asleep." Kat returned to the living room, attracting Y/N's attention.

She walked away from the painting, taking back her seat on the sofa and asked:

"How is he after everything that happened?"

For a moment, Kat looked at the painting on the wall and then at the friend she won in the midst of confusion over the Algorithm. At that time, despite being fighting on the front lines to prevent a possible Third World War, Y/N seems complete. Happy. Today that happiness no longer exists in her eyes.

Letting out a sigh, the woman sat next to her, answering:

"Sator was never a present father. He was always busy... now i can see the kind of work he was involved in. Anyway, Max just got used to his absence."

"It's notable that he's happier at your side. When we first met Max was a bit of an introvert, but today he is radiant." Y/N confessed, showing a small smile and the blonde shook her head, agreeing with her words. "How's everything?"

"Perfectly well. It's weird sometimes... After years of being stuck in a failed relationship, freedom is good."

"It seems like life is good for one of us." The woman let out a bitter laugh, putting the latest events on a scale, but she didn’t want her friend to think she wasn’t happy for her. She really was. "I'm sorry, I just..." The words remain stuck in her throat, while she covers her face with her hands. In addition to physical and mental fatigue, Y/N tried to hide her grief.

Kat touched her shoulder, showing that she was here.

"I know you're hurt, but it's been three months and you never talked about what happened that day... This is not good for you."

"What do I have to say, Kat? The guy I fell in love with was a fucking time traveler! And now he's dead and I don't know what to do. My life just... stopped without him."

"I can imagine how difficult it's for you to cross that line without Neil at your side, but giving up is not an option. Grief is consuming you little by little and you are just accepting it..."

"We are trained to contain our emotions and deal with death in the best possible way. It used to be easy for me, but then he came and turned my life upside down." Y/N put her hands on her knees and stood up, walking without an exact destination. "Neil was always one step ahead of us all..." She stepped forward too and found the painting again, but her mind was lost in thoughts about him. Neil knew her so well. And he had a charming smile, but completely arrogant at the same time. "I was sent to Mumbai to help two agents and when I arrived at Priya's penthouse that night, there he was. When he saw me, that was the first and only time that he let his guard down. I'll never forget how he looked at me, it was one of those breathtaking moments... Completely cliché, I know."

On the sofa, Kat was impressed. When Y/N turned towards her, there was a bright smile on her face. The simple memory brought her a breath of happiness and Kat enjoyed seeing her friend like that, but unfortunately that moment did not last long. Memories aren't enough. Neil is dead and nothing can change that.

"I miss him so much, Kat." The smile disappeared as soon as tears appeared in her eyes, cascading down her cheeks.

"My dear..." Worried about her, the woman got up quickly and approached Y/N, wrapping her in a tight hug. "I'm really sorry."

"I spent the last three months locked up in my a-apartment because I thought I could handle this situation on my own. At times I b-believed it was just a fever dream... Maybe I was losing my mind, but this is proof that everything was real." Through tears blurring her vision, she looked at the watch on her wrist, remembering that night.

Y/N was in a private cabin on the ship. The others were with Ives and Wheeler, going over the mission in search of any loose ends. A standard procedure. Y/N knew she should be with them, but she needed a moment alone to organize her thoughts. And that moment is now. The past few weeks had been a real mess. The inversion was difficult to explain and mainly to understand. She was used to field missions, but being an inverted soldier on the battlefield was not in her plans. Either way, she agreed to be a part of it and running away with biased assumptions was not going to help. Humanity depends on them.

Three knocking on the door caught Y/N's attention, but she remained silent, waiting for the person to give up and leave, but when it didn't, she just murmured 'Come in'.

"So, here you are." The man used a surprised tone of voice and closed the door behind him. "What will our superior think when he learns that you are running away from the briefing?"

She let out a laugh before answering in the same mood:

"Don't worry, I know this mission like the back of my hand. I just needed a moment."

"There's something wrong? Are you ok?" Neil spilled the questions quickly, visibly concerned for her.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Neil." Y/N smiled at him, but looked away just seconds later, confessing: "Maybe I'm a little surprised by the situation. I have spent years dealing with terrorists, but the inversion is really not my point."

"I'm not good with advice, but someone once said to me: Don't try to understand. Certain things in the world do not need an explanation."

"It's wise advice, but I'm a methodical person. Logic has always been my ally in missions."

"A methodical person, huh?" He asked with an arrogant smile playing on his lips and she just rolled her eyes. "I know how worried you were when Sator shot Kat, but we are using the inversion to save the world and you're one of the most brilliant agents I have ever seen. Everything will be fine."

"Are you praising me?"

"What's that? Can't I praise my partner's talent?" Neil pulled up a chair to sit across from her, crossing his arms.

"In that case, thank you. Remind me to put this on my resume." Those words made him laugh and that sound could easily be compared to music in her ears.

Touching her knee, Neil added:

"We are very confident with the mission. You don't need to worry."

"Are you sure?"

"I cannot say that unforeseen events do not happen, but we are prepared for that." Y/N knew he was right, but this mission is the biggest one so far. It's not about saving a country. It's about saving the entire world. This was arousing insecurities in her and it was like walking in a minefield. Ironically, she was familiar with this, but not in such catastrophic proportions. "I want you to have this." The man took his watch off his wrist and handed it to her.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" The question came out as a whisper from between her lips.

It didn't make sense. Why does everything in this conversation look like a farewell?

"We will be on opposite sides tomorrow, but i want you to know... I will always be with you, Y/N."

"I saw the way he looked at you... That's how I used to look at Sator before he became a monster in my life." Kat started, running a hand through Y/N's hair. "When I was lying on that stretcher and partially drugged with the medicines, I saw him beside you... watching you sleep. There was so much love in his eyes. Love for a lifetime, Y/N. So don't do this to yourself. The way he left hurt us all, but there was nothing you or any other agent could do to change what happened at Stalask-12. Neil saved the world. This gave us a second chance. You cannot give up now. This organization needs you. And keeping your mind busy at that moment is the first step towards a fresh start."

"N-No, I can't..." She broke the hug, shaking her head in denial. "I left the organization."

"What? Don't you work for Tenet anymore? But when we first met you told me that you can't imagine working in another area... And that this is your life's work."

"Being an agent is my life's work. I was in Yemen when Tenet found me and assigned me to this mission. My only job is to make this world a less hostile place, but the motto of this organization is not what I believe, Kat. What's happened's happened. Really? It doesn't work for me." Y/N ended the sentence with drops of anger in her voice and Kat did not say a single word.

Through the newspapers, Max's mother followed what was happening in Yemen over the years – a real endless war – and knowing that Y/N was in the middle of it, makes the situation unquestionable. People died in front of her eyes. Friends of the corporation. And then some time later, Tenet arrived with a fresh start, but in the end everything remained the same. She lost Neil. It is as if her life's work never had a happy ending because the world will never stop being a hostile place.

"He knows?" It was easy for Y/N to identify who she was talking about. The Protagonist. Or just TP.

"Here's another problem. I worked with him and indirectly worked for him at the same time! God, that man created this organization! And his name remains a mystery to us all!" She pinched the tip of her nose, feeling frustrated with all the secrets that haunt this organization. "And answering your question, yes, he knows, but he did not argue about it. I was a complete mess and he was not doing very well either... He stayed in my apartment for the first month, probably to make sure I didn't do anything stupid." And Y/N would be forever grateful for that. She likes him. Just as friends, of course. TP was a reserved man, but it was he who held her when everything was falling apart. "But we've had a fight. I blamed him for what happened at Stalask-12 and since then we haven't spoken anymore."

It was easy to see that they carried more pain than they could actually bear. Y/N lost her great love and the man lost his best friend. The situation just turned into a conflict between them and that was the result.

Realizing the sadness reflected in Y/N's eyes, Kat decided to change the subject of the conversation. Keeping that thought, she smiled and pointed to the painting on the wall. Maybe that could help.

"You seemed interested in this one."

"Oh yes, in my spare time I am a lover of art and its meanings. It is really attractive the way Ouroboros is connected to the Eternal Return..."

"And Amor Fati too." Kat completed, piquing Y/N's curiosity. This part was new to her. "It's impossible to affirm the Eternal Return without loving life. We need to learn that things happen as they do. Sometimes seemingly good. Sometimes seemingly bad. We don’t always get it our way... Unless we choose that whatever way it is, is our way. When we choose to Amor Fati, to love everything that happens, to love our fate, then we will always get it our way. Because the way it is, is the way it is. Unchangable. And therefore it must be good, even if it sucks."

These words touched Y/N's heart. This was a contradiction to what she is experiencing right now. Love your fate. She would like to understand and accept what happened, she really wanted, but why is it so difficult to move on?

Because Neil is dead.

That was the only explanation for her. The end of a relationship would be more acceptable. If he were alive, things would be completely different now. However, grief is overwhelming. How could she just accept what happened?

"I... I gotta go." That was all she managed to say before picking up her bag and leave the penthouse, ignoring Kat's protests.

When the elevator doors closed, an exhausted sigh left her mouth and the instant she saw her reflection in the mirror, Y/N wanted to cry again. After three months alone, she thought visiting her friend would be a good idea. Kat was willing to help, but the problem was that Y/N is not allowing herself to be helped. As soon as the doors opened, she left the metal box and found the hotel lobby partially empty. Her watch showed it was 3:13 AM, this explains the absence of people on the street as well. In front of her car, she searched the bag for the key and coincidentally her cell phone started to vibrate. Probably the text messages were from Kat, but confusion hit Y/N the instant she looked at the identifier and saw that the messages did not belong to any of her contacts.

Stay away from the car

They put a bomb

I'm on my way

Her first reaction was to take a few steps back and look around, trying to understand what’s going on and find the person responsible for these texts, but Y/N was alone in the dark street. When she thought it might be an unnecessary prank, a black SUV approached at high speed. The car stopped just a few meters away from where she was, but that was enough to make her body freeze.

"Y/N, come on!" The man exclaimed, the urgency in his voice would have made her run immediately, but she didn't move. Her feet had frozen on the floor. This cannot be real. "Come on, get in the car! We don't have much time!" He tried again, it was possible to hear the sound of the other cars approaching.

Y/N watched in slow motion the moment he left the car and ran towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"How is this possible?" She asked in a whisper, completely lost in his blue eyes.

"It's good to see you too." Neil admitted, feeling his heart race. She looked so fragile in his arms. Very different from the last time he saw her. "We have to go." He accompanied her to the car and as soon as Y/N took the passenger seat, he returned to his seat.

For her this moment was like a fever dream, so she just looked down and started counting her fingers. One, two, three, four, five... Neil noticed, but said nothing, just kept driving. The cars were fast approaching, but he would do everything possible and impossible to get Y/N away from these people.

"Give me your cell phone." He looked at her for a brief moment, but when Y/N didn’t react, he wasn't sure if she heard it, so he just took the phone from her hand and threw it out the window. That was enough to get her out of the numbness:

"What the fuck, Neil?!"

Despite the adrenaline rushing through his body, the man laughed.

"If I found you because of your cell phone, they can too." After that, he crossed the red light and made a risky turn, trying to end this chase. "Before you ask, no, this is not a dream. Unfortunately this is very real..." Neil didn't like what he saw when he adjusted the rearview mirror. "And now they are getting ready to shoot us."

That observation put Y/N on alert and she looked back, seeing a man with an AKS-74U and another with a Beretta M12.

"If you knew it wasn't a dream, why didn't you bring an armored car?" She ran her tongue between her lips, smiling at the man beside her. Neil tried to argue, but she just took off her seat belt and picked up the Glock 19 stuck in the vest he was wearing.

Y/N crawled out of the car and sat at the window opening. This encouraged the men in the two cars to start shooting, trying desperately to hit her. Neil shouted something that she couldn't understand and then she felt one of his hands on her thigh, giving her stability to continue with the plan. With her arm resting on the roof of the vehicle, Y/N aimed the gun at the car that was closest to them. Her intention was not to start a firefight in the middle of one of the main avenues in the city, but she had no other option. Holding her breath, she fired the first shot and the bullet hit the tire, taking the car out of circulation. Y/N celebrated while preparing for the second car, but dealing with this one was not an easy task. Now they were in a tunnel and, consequently, losing speed because of the other cars that came along the way. Neil left two pats on her leg, indicating that she had better get back in the car and that is what she did. Screams, honks and gunshots echoed through the tunnel, turning the place into a war zone. Whoever these men were, Y/N knew they weren't going to give up.

Tired of playing cat and mouse, she went to the back seat, getting on her knees. Through the broken glass above the trunk, Y/N adjusted the aim of her gun, ignoring the sniper and focusing on the driver. With another accurate shot, the bullet hit the man's chest and he lost control of the vehicle. The car overturned for a while, streaking the asphalt, but no other car was involved in the accident. Y/N sighed in relief and looked for another possible threat, just checking, but when she realized that the area was clean, she returned to the passenger seat, leaving the gun on the dashboard in front of her.

"Next time I'm going to get an armored car." Neil comments, stepping on the gas. "Nice shot, by the way."

"Anytime." Y/N smiled, trying to control her breathing.

With the adrenaline disappearing from her body, it was hard for her to believe that this was really happening. For many nights she cried, wondering what it would be like if Neil just came back to her, but now she was afraid to wake up and realize that it was just another vivid dream.

The sun was rising when they arrived in a shed away from the city. Seen from the outside, the place was a little scary, but the interior wasn't that bad. There was some equipment like trackers, walkie-talkie, bulletproof vests, weapons, ammunition; a table with a mess of papers and on the other side two beds and something that Y/N supposed to be a private bathroom.

"Where we are?"

We. That simple word echoed in her mind. Y/N thought that "we" didn't exist anymore.

"For now in a safe place. It's dangerous for you out there." He answered the question and took a bottle of water, handing it to her after taking a generous sip.

"Who are these people, Neil?" She wanted answers, lots of answers, and that frustrated the british spy because for the first time he didn't know what could happen.

Neil had a mission and that mission ended with him dying in Stalask-12, but after what TP did, everything changed.

"We have a name..." He wanted to say more, he wanted to reassure her, but that was all he had at the moment.

Y/N drank some water and left the bottle on the table, looking at some reports and photos. All photos were of the same man.

Lenard Vaher

"But apparently they don't just want you..."

It took a few seconds and when the realization hit Y/N, concern appeared on her face.

No, not him.

"Where's TP? He's safe, right?"

"He was going to see you when Lenard's men kidnapped him. This happened three weeks ago." And considering the anger in Neil's voice, finding TP was proving an almost impossible task, but in the midst of so much concern, one point attracted Y/N's attention.

"You said he was going to see me..."

"There was something he needed to tell you." Neil sighed, resting his hands on the table. A few strands of blond hair fell over his forehead, but he quickly shook his head back, as he always did. "He returned to Stalask-12, Y/N."

After that statement, the only sound that could be heard was Neil's footsteps closing the distance between them and the first thing she did was put her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Neil smiled. And that was not one of his famous smiles. That was a shy smile. His heart was beating like a drum and it was all because of her. Loving Y/N was something so special and pure, that Neil accepted his fate without a second thought. Saving the world, he was giving her a second chance to live, but now he is the one who received a second chance.

"I missed you every day." Before she could begin to consider the meaning behind his words, he settled his mouth upon hers, robbing her of thought.

She closed her eyes and melted against him, flattening her hands on his arms. Neil caught her bottom lip in his teeth, nibbling and licking at it until she thought she might perish from the intensity of the feeling. She whimpered at the sensation, and he rewarded the sound by deepening the kiss, giving her everything she desired. His tongue stroked hers, slow and insistent. A lush, decadent pleasure unfolded within them, snaking through their veins as though it had lain coiled in anticipation for years.

Just waiting for this moment.

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a/n – really hope you enjoy it and thank you soooo much for reading ;)

#neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet #neil #robert pattinson #robert pattinson x reader #robert pattinson imagine #tenet fanfic #tenet imagine #ives tenet #tenet #neil tenet one shot #neil tenet imagine #robert pattinson one shot #neil tenet x y/n #x y/n #amor fati #eternal return

[bigskydreaming]

Dick has said it out loud explicitly, to Damian, that the mantle of Robin was his to pass on. Why do people still feel entitled to talk over him?

IMO? For the exact same reasons that people harp on so much about it being a retcon that Robin was Dick’s mother’s nickname for him and that originally he based the name on Robin Hood. To be perfectly honest that doesn’t make a damn bit of difference in regards to the fact that either way the point is still that Dick created Robin and it wouldn’t exist without him.....but the constant attempts to minimize its emotional significance to Dick and any kind of special attachment to it that he has and that the others can’t claim to share....

IMO these are just attempts to distance Dick from the mantle and make him seem less relevant or important to its very existence....freeing up people to focus on the importance of Robin as a symbol and a mantle to everyone else but without having to attribute any special credit or significance or respect to Dick as the originator of the mantle and the character that the other Robins are literally the legacy characters of.

It’s pretty annoying and very shortsighted IMO as actually, emphasizing the connection Robin has to Dick’s first family just enhances the weight and poignancy of Dick ultimately giving each of the other Robins his blessing when he didn’t have to and thus literally choosing them as his new family even without having to rely solely on a connection to each other via Bruce.

Of course people don’t seem to really want to do that either....given how rarely Dick’s blessing even gets acknowledged amid all the angst about who replaced who and who was fired and who wasn’t. It’s kinda ironic...I know so many fans HATE the version where Bruce fires Dick and so whatever they can not to acknowledge it and dismiss it as a retcon....and the ironic thing is? I get it. I totally see why it’s not something they want to run with and to be quite honest I can take it or leave it myself. I like exploring versions of events where Dick was fired, I like exploring ones where he wasn’t. Both have room for digging and delving imo.

My only beef with people who are soooo loud and quick to always dismiss the firing as just a retcon that doesn’t count.....is that in the pre Crisis version of events where Dick voluntarily gave up Robin and decided it was time to move onto a new identity....he gave Robin to Jason himself. The significance of that version of events isn’t JUST that it was Dick’s own choice to move to a new identity and that there was no conflict between him and Bruce about it...it was equally of significance that the Robin mantle was still viewed as inherently his, made by him, and his and his alone to pass on to a successor.

There is no version where Dick gave it up voluntarily but had no role in choosing Jason. The very premise of that mix and match honestly makes no sense because why make such a fuss about Bruce not having overstepped and fired Dick when it was never his place to say what he could claim as his identity or mantle on his OWN (fire him as his partner, sure that was always Bruce’s right, but tell Dick he couldn’t be the hero persona he created for himself? Fuck off Bruce LOL).

But my point is that mix and match makes no real sense because why preserve Bruce’s character from stepping between Dick and the mantle he created to honor his first parents....only to then turn right around and have Bruce still treat it as a Wayne family hand me down that Dick had outgrown when it was only EVER a Grayson family hand me down whose only connection to the Wayne family was through Dick being a member of both families and a bridge connecting them?

Whether Bruce fires Dick as Robin and gives it to Jason or JUST gives it to Jason without Dick making that choice....the one isn’t any better than the other because in both cases the actual offense is still the same: it was never Bruce’s to do ANYTHING with other than what Dick wanted done with it. Take on a new partner? Sure. But give him the mantle made of Dick’s work, Dick’s past, Dick’s every action as Robin? Nope.

So really the mix and match only serves one real purpose, for anyone who is intent on dismissing the firing as just a retcon but sees no need to uphold Dick choosing to give Robin to Jason instead of Bruce doing that...when Bruce doing that is literally part of the exact same retcon they’re so intent on discarding!

The only real purpose that mix and match serves is to keep Bruce centered in the Robin succession with his choice to give it to Jason being the basis of Jason associating Robin with Bruce. It keeps Bruce as the person Jason thinks of and feels connected to every time he thinks of why he’s Robin at all....because Bruce is the one who gave him the symbol that was already well known and full of meaning when Jason stepped into those shoes.

And then of course at the same time the mix and match also ‘lessens’ Bruce’s offense to Dick in taking Robin against his wishes WHILE also suggesting that Dick has less basis of feeling resentful of Bruce passing it on to someone else without his say so because it’s not like he was using it anymore right? And that was his own choice right?

But so what if it was? That doesn’t make it any less his creation and his legacy. It doesn’t make it any less a Grayson family connection and somehow more a Bruce Wayne family connection.

And that’s my beef. That’s the big irony of how flat out counter intuitive the mix and match retcon thing is and always has been. It only accomplishes half its objective....keeps the later Robins more connected to Bruce via it than they are to Dick via it....because it ultimately still runs through Bruce. But it fails to accomplish its secondary objective simply because refusing to acknowledge that Robin is intrinsically tied to Dick Grayson and not Bruce Wayne like....doesn’t actually make it any less true.

And that’s why imo the question should never have been “does your fic go with the version where Dick gives up Robin or the retcon where Bruce fires Dick” ...no, the right question in my mind should have always been “does your fic go with the version where Dick gives Robin to Jason or the retcon where Bruce gives it to Jason.”

And here’s the sticking point:

People always point to Bruce and Dick’s initial connection as the basis of their entire Dynamic Duo partnership. They understood each otrher via their parallel experiences losing their parents to murder. Bruce saw himself in a young Dick Grayson and he wanted to help Dick figure out a way forward to life after his parents’ death by drawing upon his own experiences.

But at the same time, they aren’t the same. Even with Bruce guiding Dick forward through his trauma and grief by following a map made of his own prior experiences, the end result was not the same for both....but it still used some of the same road marks on their respective journeys.

And this is why the Dynamic Duo were always emphasized as partners, as complementing each other, balancing each other....things they could only do because they were not the same and even using similar coping mechanisms to deal with their PARALLEL tragedies....produced entirely different results.

Both used their tragedies, their traumas, their PAIN to fuel their pursuit of justice and desire to help protect people. Both built new personas for themselves to use in their shared missions here....personas which embodied what they wanted to accomplish in these guises while at the same time reminding them why they were doing this.

But the personas they created ended up looking very different despite being born of similar crucibles...because they prioritized different things....and because they were honoring different people.

No matter how much Bruce and Dick have in common due to circumstances they are very different people who are both products of the families and places they come from....and thus even when using similar PROCESSES to build something out of their parallel tragedies, what emerged from the fires once they were done creating from their traumas.....don’t look the same. Aren’t interchangeable.

And neither are their creators.

Bottom line, it in my opinion flat out does not work to attribute more connection to Robin and the succession of that mantle to Bruce than Dick.....because Bruce would never, COULD never create that specific mantle out of his grief and pain any more than Dick ever would or could have created Batman out of his. Because they are too different. They needed different things out of their journeys forward, they were commemorating having had different journeys behind them, they were walking a shared path side by side but you can’t switch the clothes they made to wear going forward anymore than you can switch their footprints beneath their feet....they don’t fit into what the other made because it wasn’t made BY them and it wasn’t made FOR them.

So riddle me this, Batfandom: how does it make sense to focus on their parallel tragedies and how they moved forward from those in similar ways and on a shared trajectory, emphasizing how this is the entire basis of the Batman and Robin partnership from its very inception.....

Only to then view the role Bruce’s grief, his loss, his pain played in birthing the Batman mantle as something sacrosanct, undeniable....these things go hand in hand, there’s no separating them even when others end up wearing the Batman mantle as well, even through multiple generations....

But at the EXACT SAME TIME....treating Dick’s grief, HIS loss, HIS pain and the role all THAT played in birthing the Robin mantle....as something that barely comes up as a footnote the second you put the costume on anyone other than Dick? Something the others never even feel inclined to THINK about when reflecting on the mantle they’re wearing and where it came from and why it exists?

Why is the one rated as so less significant than the other....if the entire point of Batman and Robin is that both heroes were born from the ashes of tragedies so similar they understood each other in ways most other mentors and sidekicks never came close to?

How’s that work exactly?

Look, you’ll never catch me arguing that Bruce isn’t and shouldn’t be central to the Batman mantle, mythos, succession, etc. And I loved Dick as Batman too. But it ultimately should always come back to Bruce no matter how many people add to it in their own ways. Because it’s not just about what Bruce made.....it’s why he made it that matters too. The act of creating Batman is as important to the story of Batman as the created Batman.

And those very same reasons are precisely why Bruce shouldn’t be regarded as central to the ROBIN mantle, succession, etc.

To dismiss the Graysons as not being definitive to the greater Robin mythos is to say Thomas and Martha Wayne bear no special significance to the Batman mythos.

I love that being Robin connects these siblings and ties them all together as part of the same family. I love it being a shared family tradition that encompasses all of them and marks this family of choice as having been specifically chosen by not just it’s patriarch but each other.

But it’s not Bruce’s family tradition and it’s not a Wayne or even a Batman hand me down.

Because it doesn’t even come from Bruce’s family.

It comes from Dick’s. He brought it with him. It’s what connects him to what came before life with Bruce because as everyone knows but so many people often forget to give MEANING....

Dick Grayson, for as much as he is Batman’s son and is undeniably Bruce’s family, had a life of his own before he ever met Bruce.

He didn’t begin with Bruce Wayne. He didn’t come from Bruce Wayne.

And neither did Robin.